#really not caring about anyone elses comfort or happiness aside from his own
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
yourbuerokrat2 · 5 months ago
Text
A lesser man might have felt fear, perhaps even horror at the sight and the meaning of what had just transpired right in front of his eyes.
But Jean-Luc Picard stood amongst the chaos solid as a rock in the face of raging sea storm.
Staring down the being responsible for all of this (because it was Q and even now, despite clear evidence to the contrary, the thought that Q of all people was someone to be feared seemed ridiculous) with only a serious but confused 'Why?' leaving his lips (anger and fury had not yet reached his mind due to shock).
And Q in answer only smiled down on him, a rather strange and unfitting expression all things considered but Picard always found Qs behavior rather unfitting to any situation at hand.
'Because, as I have told you once before, Jean-Luc, I am an extraordinarily selfish being'
4 notes · View notes
14dayswithyou · 2 months ago
Note
As a humble admirer of Everything Yandere and of the inner workings of the sick and twisted minds of loving, lovesick maniacs and of their warped and muddled perceptions of love and intimacy, I pose you the question: What type, kind, flavor, species of Yandere is Ren/Redacted? I've gone through the asks on the blog answering what lovesick and yearning behaviors he goes through, why he does them, what they mean to him — but can we go deeper? What disturbing things does Ren do, be it for his own twisted satisfaction and perception of "love", be it to those he sees as threats to his Angel? What are his limits, where does he draw the line, how far is he willing to go to get what he wants, and who is he willing to hurt and how? Where does he draw the line when it comes to Angel? I know he would never physically hurt them, but what kind of mental warfare would he inflict on them to get them where he wants? Are we talking isolation, manipulation, gaslighting, brainwashing? And if so, how does that happen?
I'd be very very happy if you'd be okay with going into this analysis — and would it be possible to answer the Yandere Alphabet for Ren? Thank you for blessing me with this mess of a boy and sowwy for the ramble ♡ ♡ Tell Ren to clean up the bloodstains he left earlier ♡
⌞♥⌝ Because I get this question a lot, I personally feel like I've answered it to the fullest possible extent that I can gdkfgjdj ^^; So if you haven't already seen them, I reccomend going through these asks: one, two, three, four, and five!
As for your other questions:
I've highlighted them in pink to make it easier to reference/link it back to the questions above
The "disturbing" things Ren would do to his victims have been answered more or less in a few of the asks mentioned above.
Ren honestly doesn't have any major limits aside from physically harming or forcing himself onto Angel in any way. He doesn't find any pleasure in doing so, nor would he ever want to turn out like his father — much less subject the only person he genuinely cares about to the same things he had to endure as a child.
Ren also doesn't really draw the line anywhere — again, aside from upsetting Angel in any way — so anything is fair game when it comes to everyone else. But speaking as his creator for a moment, I will say that Ren is not the type to harm babies, animals, abandon his own/Angel's children, force himself onto anyone, or coerce anyone into sexual activities in order to get what he wants. That's icky af and I'm not rocking with it /gen /lh
On a slightly lighter topic, Ren is willing to go as far as necessary if it means having Angel rely on him and him only... So long as it keeps them happy at the same time. As much as he'd love to "remove" Angel's friends and family permanently, he won't entertain that thought if it'll make them upset. At most, he'd likely try non-lethal ways to get rid of them in hopes of keeping Angel happy (and oblivious).
One of Ren's major characteristics is that he's willing to change himself to suit Angel's needs, no matter how drastic it may be. If they find any sort of reliability or comfort in him by doing so, then he'll latch onto that notion and feed into it. By becoming someone Angel can trust and confide in, Ren would (potentially) be able to manipulate them and sway their thoughts... Almost like a metaphorical devil on their shoulder, in a sense lmao
I've said this a few times on this blog before, but Ren is the CEO of gaslighting and manipulation. He's down to try a bit of isolation if it's somehow possible to keep Angel happy while doing so, though I don't think Ren would be into mindwashing since he idolises, honours, and blindly trusts Angel's original thoughts more than his own. He wants them to genuinely develop feelings for him, not because he forced them to.
I've actually been asked to do the Yandere Alphabet by a few other people recently, so I'll get around to doing it sometime!! ^^
557 notes · View notes
tickettride · 5 months ago
Text
My girl || J.D.
𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
pairing is johnny davis x f!reader
in which you've felt johnny drifting away from you for weeks. for once, you accept playing pool with one of the newbies at the bar. a little fun has never hurt anyone. the thing is, johnny doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as you do.
word count: 2,8k
warnings: angst, strained relationship, drinking, slight violence, comfort and smut (happy ever after, y'know?)
Tumblr media
The familiar hum of chatter filled your ears as you leaned against a wall, nursing your drink. The bikeriders’ meeting place was packed that night, and you had lost count of how many men had brushed up against you to get your attention. At least those who knew you were Johnny’s girl wouldn’t try anything, so you were a bit safe.
You weren’t particularly close to that world, where men drank until they passed out and violence had its own rules. You’d have rather gone out to the movies with friends or stayed home watching TV. You didn’t belong here.��
At the start of your relationship with Johnny��when everything was easy and pretty–you had been worried about having different interests. But it wasn’t bad, was it? It made the conversations at home more lively. Johnny would tell you about his day at work while you cooked something, and he would listen to your blabbering as you sat on the couch. It had become the routine. At least, when he talked to you.
With your pop in hand, you tried to catch his gaze. It felt like you had taken a huge step backward in your relationship. Now, Johnny was too tired to ask about your day. He barely looked at you. And the main reason was the very sight in front of you. 
The club. 
Johnny was drifting further away from you every day, and there was nothing you could do besides trying to hold his hand a little longer when you could. There was this superpower force pushing him away from you, no matter how hard you pulled. Every day, the same questions made you uneasy. Had we moved in together too fast? Shouldn’t he have proposed by then? Is there someone else in his life? It wasn’t like you could tell him to leave the club aside for some time. This whole thing was his life.
Your second anniversary was in two days, and you weren’t even sure he’d remember. 
Without warning, warmth brushed your side. One of the new guys–blond buzzcut and cute smile–was towering above you. It would have been intimidating had he not been leaving a step or two between you both. Clever one, you thought. 
“Wanna try to beat me?” he asked you, and by the time you had registered his question, looking like an idiot, he had already repeated himself.
“Oh, um,” your gaze narrowed to the pool table, clearing your throat as it started to burn. “Why not. Yeah.”
You usually weren’t the kind to mingle with the men, but this time you really needed to be distracted from everything. Before the guilt pounding behind your breastbone became unbearable, you followed the guy to the pool table, where a few men were already gathered. 
Discomfort nipped at your edges as you stood there, tightening your grip over your drink. You greeted those you hadn’t seen quickly, not knowing what to do.
“Charlie,” the blond guy introduced himself, shouting in your ear. 
You gave him your name back, finally making a move to set your drink down on a table nearby.
“What do I get if I win?” Charlie asked, handing you a cue. 
You chuckled, and suddenly your chest started feeling a bit lighter. When was the last time you had fun? 
“What d’you want?” you replied with a quick shrug, breaking eye contact when you realized how flirty this sounded. 
“A kiss,” Charlie didn’t hesitate. “On the cheek, if you’d rather.”
“Right. I’m Johnny’s girl.”
With a raise of his eyebrows, Charlie invited you to start. You doubted he would give it a response or care, so you moved to the end of the table and inhaled sharply as you bent to take your first shot. 
“Ya won’t hit it from that angle,” he interrupted, pointing at the cue ball. “Ya need to move over there, see?"
“Is is obvious that I’ve only played once before?” you straightened, beaming at his burst of laughter. "I’m so bad at this."
“Nah. You’re okay,” Charlie rounded the table to stand beside you. Close. “Want me to start instead?”
Perhaps it was universe, or something linked to that superpower you often thought of. That thing beckoned you to glance over the tables against the wall. Johnny was watching you, his glass frozen against his lips. 
You imagined running your hands through his hair and feeling his muscles flexing under your touch. Asking him for things you had never had the guts to ask before. Bend you over the pool table. 
For a moment, you wondered if he could read your mind. You averted your gaze, reminding yourself of how distant he was. Even sex couldn’t fix things up. 
You heard a low whistle as the white ball hit the grouped balls with a sharp stroke. The men’s loud chatter brought you back to reality, in which Charlie was waiting for you to shoot. 
“Woah,” you forced a smile, although you hadn’t seen anything. “Bet I can do better.”
“Yeah?” Charlie grinned back, looking at you like he could eat you on the spot. "I can help if ya need.”
You imagined his hands on his waist, and suddenly you wanted to stop and go home. For real this time. Too uncomfortable to admit it, you willed yourself to get a grip on yourself and blamed your sheepishness. If you ended this quickly, you could go back to Johnny’s table.
“I should be fine.”
Bending again, you mustered all your concentration and tried hard to ignore Johnny’s hot gaze on you, as well as Charlie’s.
From his spot, your man probably had a very straight, public view of your bra. 
“C’mon,” you muttered to yourself, right before getting one ball into the far corner pocket with a smooth, hard stroke. 
“Look at that!" Charlie exclaimed, brushing a hand against your lower back as he slipped to the other side. “That was good.”
His enthusiasm almost made you smile.
“Uh-huh,” was all you said, locking eyes with Johnny again.
Nerves crawled through your veins as you felt Charlie’s hand again, this time poking your side playfully. 
“Hey, don’t go all sad on me. Ya can still beat me.”
No, but Johnny might.
Under the heat of his stare, you tried not to shrivel. You didn’t even know if you wanted to kiss him or make a run for it. That attitude–giggling with other men–was something you had never done before. Clearly, he hated that. And you, it made your heart pick up pace. Was it how it was between you now? Making each other jealous to get some attention?
Sitting uneasy at the table, Johnny didn’t think he owned you or anything. He just couldn’t stand the idea of someone treating you with less respect than you deserved. Getting physical wasn’t the solution–he was well aware, as you’d already warned him about it once–but he wanted to show you he had your back no matter what. Those young guys didn’t even give a fuck about getting to know you properly. How would they know you loved flowers more than anything else?
“What’s up?” Charlie asked, so close to your ear you smelled the booze on his tongue. 
You slightly shifted backward, pretended to be focused on the game. “Nothin’.”
Your hand sweated against the cue as you saw Johnny pushing his chair back and striding over to you from the corner of your eye. It was only when he stood at the other end of the table that you saw those dark, suspicious eyes. They glanced at you, and back at the man standing proudly.
“I suggest ya take your hand off her now,” Johnny feigned nonchalance, resting both hands on the table.
You didn’t miss the second glance at your lips. Beside you, Charlie replied, but you were barely listening. Your mind was still stuck on the idea of touching Johnny and hearing him say that he didn’t like when guys got too close to you. That you were the only one. Deep down, you knew it was closer to insecurity than lust.
Even your name had never sounded so sensual coming from his lips. It snapped you out of whatever dreaming haze you had been in, finally making you move away. 
“I guess we both lost,” you tried to lighten the mood, shooting Charlie a quick look. 
It was useless. His attention was tethered to Johnny as he moved to get closer. Their mouths moved, but you could no longer hear what they were saying over the roaring of your ears. Something about your right to be playing, and Johnny’s response about doing whatever the fuck you wanted to do. You didn’t dwell on the semantics. Charlie had clearly had a drink or two already, and the flush in his cheek only made you assume the worst. He would get physical, and it would be over for Johnny.
“If she can’t be left on her own, then maybe you’ve got somethin’ to worry ‘bout,” Charlie pointed out, glaring at Johnny like he wasn’t afraid of throwing a punch first. 
“What?” an offended gasp left your mouth, confused by his sudden aggressivity. 
You’d never understand men. The sight of him turning from a sweetheart with a bright smile to an evil jerk calling you a whore was jarring. 
“Not sure I get it,” Johnny replied, calm as ever. “What are ya callin’ her exactly?”
“Dunno,” Charlie didn’t lower his gaze as he retorted instantly. “The bitch’s been flirtin’ with me, and I’m in the wrong?”
You froze on the spot, knowing if you talked, an embarrassing sound would come out. Or maybe you would slap him.
The lights cast the area in dim light, and yet it was bright enough to see the flicker of red behind Johnny’s gaze. Time for you to step in.
“Listen to me,” Johnny was somehow nose-to-nose with the younger guy. “She’s under my protection. Right? She can do whatever she wanna do, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna let a shithead like ya touch her the way ya did.”
“Yeah? She didn’t seem to complain ‘bout my hands earlier.”
You cringed at the words they were exchanging, although none of them truly gave a damn about the men listening in.
Before you could even blink, Johnny had backed him up against the wall, pressing so hard the guy gasped in a breath.
A curse left your lips as you rushed forward, trying to pull him away. “No, no, no. Let him go.”
“Say one more word about her, ‘n I’ll cut your dick out ‘n feed it to the dogs,” Johnny said, pretending not to hear or feel you, something violent spreading through his veins. “Next time I see ya anywhere close to her, I’ll kill ya. Understood?”
You were glad Charlie kept silent, swallowing harshly as he gave Johnny a death glare. You hadn’t noticed Benny until now, waiting for a sign to step into the fight. He gave you a quick look, and you tried to reassure him with a quick smile. Like Yep! He’s going to kill him but life’s good. 
“Fuckin’ wanker,” Johnny inhaled sharply as he let go of him, stepping backward.
You only figured Charlie didn’t fire back right away because he was being pulled away by two bulky men. He probably wouldn’t even remember after some sleep. 
Putting a cigarette between his lips, Johnny yanked the door of the bar open before body slamming his way into the small crowd gathered before the bikes. You were trying to follow closely, getting frustrated at all the fucking people on your way, stomping over feet and puddles. 
“Johnny!” you yelled as he made it to his car, his arm stiff as board on his side, his fist and his jaw clenched. “Hey!”
You’d seen him mad as hell once or twice, but never like that. He usually threatened guys calmly, like the boss he was. Losing his composure in front of the men–it had never happened. Dense fog swirled in the air, obscuring your view, so you nearly glued your body to his to have a good look at his expression. You were glad he hadn’t chosen his bike tonight. You hated it when he rode in a bad mood. 
The night was calm, the men having already dispersed or made their way back inside. Tire noises and sirens were steady in the background, but even louder than that was the way he said, “What?”. Like you were getting riled up out of nowhere.
The air settled around you, as though everyone had left to let you discuss. A pit of guilt burned in your stomach, but you couldn’t help but feel mad. 
“What the fuck just happened?”
Johnny huffed. “Ya wanted me to let him grope ya?”
You almost rolled your eyes. “Lighten up. He was… really respectful at first. If I’d wanted to, I’d have left.”
“Where to?”
“We were in a bar, Johnny. Not a stadium. I’d have figured my way out. And you knew this guy just wanted to fight anyways. That’s all he was lookin’ for.”
His lack of response pissed you off. Johnny blew the smoke away from your face, and you weren’t sure if he kept silent because he was still maddened or because he didn’t want to have this conversation with you.
“I’m not the dummy you think I am,” you added, spurred on by his eyes trained on you. “I appreciate you standin’ up for me, but–”
“But what?” he cut you off, a bit of smoke mixing with your air.
“But I don’t want to get your attention only when you’re jealous.”
Johnny glanced over at the bar’s entrance, where a couple was making out against a bike. “Bullshit.”
“Do you even love me anymore?”
Thick tension rolled off him, sucking all the air until you were left breathless, putting a shaking hand over your heart. It wouldn’t slow down. Not until he told you the truth. 
“Do I love ya?” Johnny kept his gaze on you, reading your face like you were high or something. “I could have killed a guy for ya in there, ‘n you’re askin’ me if I love ya?”
“Well, it’s not been very obvious lately,” you hissed as you remembered how he had barely greeted you the night before. “You haven’t kissed me in three days, Johnny. You… you could barely keep your hands off me at the beginnin’–”
“Jesus,” he mumbled, stamping out his cigarette to grab your face between his palms. “Look at me. I’m sorry ‘bout that, alright?”
Your face scrunched up, but you managed to suppress the tears.
“What’s goin’ on?” you asked. “I thought we were havin’ something beautiful, and now, shit, we barely talk. You barely touch me.”
Johnny swallowed, finally coming to the realization that the situation was worse than he’d imagined. 
“I’m sorry. Ya hear me? I’m sorry I’ve been leavin’ ya out. The club’s been draining me lately.”
Your eyes softened, a hand coming to rest upon his cradling on your cheek. “Talk to me, then. I was startin’ to think you were tired of me.”
Johnny frowned. “Fuck, no. I need ya.”
Your heart squeezed as the steady breeze made you shiver. “I miss you so much it breaks my heart.”
“I’m here,” he kissed a corner of your lips. “I promise I’m here.”
His hand slid from your cheek to the back of your head, his fingers threading through your hair. 
“Say it again,” you breathed. “I can’t stand stayin’ away from you. Not talkin’ to you all the time.”
A thumb ran across your lips with the perfect roughness. “I promise I’m not goin’ anywhere. Ya want me to take a few days off?”
“No,” you sighed. “I’m not sure we can afford this.”
“We can. I’ll rent somethin’ cute and we’ll celebrate our anniversary. Just the two of us. What d’ya think?”
A small but sincere smile pulled at your lips. God, you loved him. 
“Yeah. I’d like that.”
The next second, he was kissing you until you couldn’t breathe anything but him. His palms skimmed up the backs of your thighs as you stood on your tiptoes. Without warning, he pulled back to look at you, that spark in his gaze mirroring yours. 
“C’mon. I’m not fuckin’ you here.”
Relief and a spike of heat ran through your veins during the ride home. His warm hand rested on your thigh, squeezing it gently until he parked in front of the garage door. The silence only fuelled you, playing with your patience. 
He quite literally glued himself to your back while you tried to unlock the front door, cursing at yourself for your trembling hands. 
And finally, finally, he apologized with slow strokes of his cock and kisses on your breasts. Your clothes had been thrown aside haphazardly, abandoned in the heat of the moment. You had thought he would make you come like this, but he instructed you to roll over and lay on your stomach, and who were you to refuse? Those weeks apart, even when you had been in the same house and bed, had left you both pent up, wanting and missing each other more than anything else in the world. You didn’t even know how you had managed to stay silent this whole time. 
“Shit. I love you,” you moaned, eyes screwed shut as he kissed up your spine, his hips flexing in time to make sure he was fucking you as deep as he could.
Exhaustion hit you like a train, and it felt so heavenly lying there as he whispered that you meant the world to him.
“So pretty,” Johnny mumbled, his words muffled as he nipped at the sensitive skin between your shoulder blades, “Got me so hard just from lookin’ at ya, sweets.”
You fisted the sheets and dug your nose in the pillow when you came, and Johnny quickly followed. He stilled on top of you, his chain sitting on your back and shining in the cold light pouring through the window. 
“Gimme one minute and I’ll fuck ya again, right?” he breathed in your ear, making you grin against the pillow. 
From that day on, he always did as he said. A small house was rented in the woods, and you spent your second anniversary making love, promising each other the truth.
231 notes · View notes
princessbrunette · 9 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
he always promised to take you on more dates when he got out of jail, and jj was a man of his word.
a gross, seedy dive bar on the outskirts of town wasn’t exactly what you had in mind — but jj was all over it. he was said to have been locked up with a couple of the guys that work there now, and would be able to score the two of you a couple of free drinks, and that was enough to convince you. plus, you didn’t really care where you went with jj — you were just happy to be able to spend time with him again.
“look, if my probation officer has no problem with me bein’ here, it’s clearly safe. you got nothin’ to worry about — i know these guys.” jj grins reassuringly, noticing your unsure expression as he opens the door to his truck for you. “now would i bring you somewhere if i wasn’t one thousand percent sure you’d be alright? no. that would be like, neglecting my duty of care for my girlfriend. just wasn’t raised that way, mama.” you raise an eyebrow as he loops an arm around your waist, walking you towards the door — internally questioning what he meant considering he practically wasn’t raised by anyone.
there’s a chorus of his name when he walks in and you shy to his side, clinging to his arm. he meets and greets, before the attention is turned to you, smiling bashfully through the ‘and this must be the famous girlfriend. you know we thought maybank was lyin’ about you.’ along with all the usual banter.
the real fun doesn’t start for a few hours. the place has cleared out a little, and you’re a couple of drinks in, feeling a lot more loose and comfortable. your boyfriend nurses the same beer he’s had for a while now, making a conscious effort not to go over the legal driving limit because he could not afford to get sent back into the slammer over something so dumb. for entertainment, the two of you are stationed at a pool table in some dimly lit corner, feeling your body get hotter just at the blonde explaining the rules of the game.
“you wanna hit this ball with this ball, n’get it into this hole. i already know you’re gonna be a pro at this, okay — i have full faith in you.” he chuckles, because you both know it’s likely not to be true. he passes you the cue stick, giving your ass a little pat in gesture to position yourself. “bend over the table a lil’ f’me.” he instructs, eyeing the table before smirking at his own double entendre. “i know y’know how to do that, atleast.”
you bite your lip, containing your growing excitement — but can’t help yourself from making a real show of it, lining up your stick with the ball and really laying your body on the table to have your ass practically stuck in the air. whilst you’ve been tugging your mini skirt down all night, you finally just let it ride up to the bottom crescent of your ass cheeks. the cherry on top was the way you glance over your shoulder, pouting your glossy lips.
“like this, jayj?”
he’s glancing around the room for any watchers before cementing his vision to the sight of your panties peeking from beneath your skirt. “yeah, yeah just like that actually.” he’s distracted, and shakes himself out of it to lean over you and adjust your hand placement on the stick. “there y’go, atta girl. like i said, total pro.” he praises and to retaliate, you press your ass into his crotch making him clear his throat. “dont start sumn’ you can’t finish, lil girl.” he chides teasingly, as he backs up a little, eyeing you — but you can tell he’s getting wound up.
“not doin’ anything.” you smile impishly, practically waving your lace panties at him as your skirt rides up even more. he steps closer protectively, looking around as he scratches beneath his nose — making sure no one else can get a peek.
“nah? well in that case, don’t mind if i do…” his eyes are flitting round still cautiously as a hand slips between you, skilfully forcing your panties aside and sliding his fingers through your glossy folds. he smirks, brows jumping up and his tongue poking out to fiddle with the corner of his mouth. “oh? wha’s got you so excited mama? i dunno you must really like playin’ pool. you’re soaked.” he teases, licking his lips and leaning down to speak to you a little quieter. you pretend to continue lining up your shot, but your hands get shaky and you can’t keep the cue stick still.
“just happy to have my man back.” you admit sweetly which is the final straw for him. he pulls your skirt back down and steps away, making a real show of licking the residue of his fingers.
“right, right — y’know i hear the bathrooms here are like, super spacious. we should pro’lly go check it out, right? see what all the hype’s about.” he nods casually, helping you stand up straight.
“but jj, what about our game of pool?” you pout theatrically knowing you don’t really care. he turns to you, cornering you against the table.
“well i mean, i’m suggesting the bathroom out of respect. trust me, i got no issue gettin’ all in those guts right here on the table infront’a everyone. s’your call, babydoll.” he thumbs at your chin and your lashes flutter as an immediate response, feeling your mind go to mush.
“uhm… bathroom.” you agree shyly and he nods with a simple smile, patting your cheek.
“tha’s the spirit cupcake. that pool table ain’t goin’ anywhere.” jj commends, leading you by the lower back to the glowing bathroom sign on the wall.
Tumblr media
294 notes · View notes
adripakoffee · 2 months ago
Text
Hold on and let me yap about my goat Swansea rq (not rq, this is almost 2k words lol)
CW: SUBSTANCE ABUSE, MOUTHWASHING SPOILERS
I'm gonna use "probably" and "most likely" a lot in this because so much of this game is from Jimmy's perspective and he dgaf about Swansea until close to the end.
Okay, so Swansea is first and foremost, a very tired, very ragged mechanic who's probably pushing 60. He doesn't want to be on that ship. He doesn't want anything. He wants, at least at first, to just be done with this job and get paid. He respects Curly but he's annoyed by and dismissive of everyone else on the ship, especially Daisuke.
So much of Swansea's character is reliant on and paralleled to his relationship with Daisuke. When he meets Daisuke, Daisuke is happy and optimistic. He looks forward to things and tries to impress Swansea when Swansea doesn't want help.
The main reason Swansea doesn't like Daisuke ties into his alcohol abuse. Daisuke is always, at almost every point we see him pre Anya locking herself in medical, happy and energetic. Swansea hates this about him because that's a state of being he hasn't achieved, in his own words, in 15 years. He can't imagine being that happy while sober and it pisses him off. He's half jealous because of that and half jealous because Daisuke is young and has a long life ahead of him. Swansea does not like the life he built for himself while sober, but that's for later. Especially after they get laid off, the only one who has anything ahead of them was Daisuke. Swansea would have trouble getting another job both because of his age and because a lot of things on Earth were being automated.
Of course, after the crash, that jealousy becomes something else. Because Daisuke is the only one who has anything ahead of them, he's the only one whose life matters. Swansea loves his family, but he doesn't really like them. He's most likely worked with Pony Express the longest, so he knows they most likely won't be saved. They have one chance left, one cryopod for one person. He's saving it for Daisuke because Daisuke is only one with a chance.
Now bringing up Anya. I think it was 2 months in when Anya told him about Jimmy. Here I'd like to correct some things I said in other posts. In my Anya rant I said "He has the one last working cryo pod set aside for her specifically and refuses to let anyone into the room where it is." He felt bad for her, no doubt, but he probably doesn't actually do that. He, more likely, tells her "Hey, there's actually a crypod left. I'm saving it for Daisuke. It's not like either of us have things waiting on the other side of this." Swansea isn't responsible for Anya in the way Curly was. He respects her well enough as coworkers but they're not at all close. He doesn't feel any real need to put her in priority, especially with the dire situation at hand. I don't think he doesn't care, it's just not something he sees in his jurisdiction. And I'm not saying there's nothing he could've done. Had literally anyone at any point in the game killed Jimmy, a lot of problems would be fixed. But, unlike Curly, Swansea doesn't have as many options.
When they open the cargo hold and he starts drinking again, he rediscovers happiness. I'd actually like to apologize for something quickly. I made a short comic in which Swansea comforts Anya after she tells him about Jimmy (which he doesn't actually do, smh bro) and in the caption I had said "I love you sm Swansea I wish you weren't an alcoholic 😔" (It's also my most popular fanart on here and I'm very thankful for that ^^)
I don't blame Swansea for his alcoholism. It's an addiction just as much as anything else and no one should have to go through that. I personally though have had bad experiences with alcoholics and I'm generally uncomfortable around them. I definitely worded that caption poorly and I apologize for that, but I had meant it in an "I wish you were sober" way. I know that the caption had rubbed people the wrong way, so I wanted to apologize.
So Swansea is drunk and happy for the first time in fifteen years. Despite his intoxicated state, he still has his one goal and that's to save the last cryopod for Daisuke. He knows that's what he wants and he sticks to it. It's just him and the ax against the world. Eventually, Jimmy takes the ax to get the extra painkillers and the ax kinda just disappears for a while. Like I have no idea where it went but Swansea has it again by the time he offs Daisuke.
Speaking of which, Swansea kills Daisuke. Framing-wise it's probably my favorite scene in the game, like the breathing and Swansea's speech. Chat, I love this scene. Anyways, Jimmy offers Swansea a drink as a "peace offering." Swansea is never sober at this point in the game but even he can appreciate a good cocktail, especially when he's been slogging mouthwash for months. Honestly, he doesn't trust Jimmy like AT ALL at this point, but Daisuke helped him with the cocktail.
Swansea is kinda putting his hopes in Daisuke. Like obviously, he's placing hope in Daisuke's survival, but I think he's also seeing this optimistic, bright-eyed kid who's struggling as himself at the start of his sobrity. Daisuke said that the reason he got this job was because he was directionless in life. He had nothing to look forward to and no goals. The difference between him and Swansea is Daisuke's parents got the job for him and Swansea had to do it himself. So in that way he started to appreciate how happy Daisuke was, which is more reason to hate that he's there.
Swansea passes out from the cocktail and when he wakes up Anya is dead and Daisuke is in critical condition. Anya's gone which means they're out of a medic so that makes Daisuke's situation a lot worse. But because Jimmy used the Isopropyl to knock out Swansea, they're out of disinfectant. They have to use mouthwash which is established early on to have too much sugar to be disinfectant. So they kinda made it worse because Swansea and Jimmy are idiots who didn't listen to Anya. After a few hours of Daisuke slowly bleeding out, Swansea mercy kills him. it. looks. so. cool. During this speech, Swansea says something along the lines of "Stick a kid with a bunch of sad-sack adults and see what he learns. Bootstraps and all that." He really hates that Daisuke is here, it's just that the reason has changed. Before the crash, Curly and Daisuke were the only two who weren't like clinically depressed. After the crash, only Daisuke can find it in himself to stay optimistic, but even his faith is dwindling (Jimmy is optimistic too, but that's because he's crazy).
Right after that, he chases Jimmy around with the ax until Jimmy ties him up and shoots him. This is when Swansea lore drops about himself. He explains that he literally has not been happy or enjoyed his life in 15 years. He's done everything he's supposed to when it comes to leading a good, healthy life, but it's not at all fulfilling. He hates his job, he doesn't look forward to seeing his family, he just killed the last speck of joy on this metal space coffin, and he has nothing to live for. He's already fallen back into addiction so even if he got back to Earth, he'd ruin his life all over again. He'd be happy, but his life would be ruined. And then Jimmy shoots him.
Now here's a little health fact! Swansea was dying the whole game. People suffering from alcohol abuse often end up drinking Listerine when other alcoholic drinks aren't available. Now I'm just speculating and projecting, but Swansea is definitely a beer guy, that's his go-to. His tolerance suggests he was a craft kinda guy (which has an ABV between 5 and 10% (idk this is from memory)) or someone who drank a lot really quickly, but the mouthwash was 14% ethanol. That, in and of itself isn't the main problem, though it is noteworthy that he was already drinking more than usual. The main problem is that drinking mouthwash will absolutely destroy your stomach and intestinal linings. Mouthwash isn't just alcohol and flavoring, there's other chemicals in it too. On a good day, you'll get a nasty stomach ache, but you'll live. One to many though, and you are dead or in a coma. Like no joke that will kill you, especially if you drink a lot of it in such a short amount of time. That's why they keep saying "that stuff will kill you before anything else will," because it's actively killing them. Swansea probably knew this but he's prone to self-destruction so he probably didn't care. Anyway, hope you enjoyed that little health fact, I love reading medical journals ask me anything.
While writing this, I paused and started scrolling on tiktok and I saw a video where someone was complaining about the sudden villainization of Swansea in the fandom. I've literally seen nothing like this, but in the video they said one of the critiques people had of Swansea was that he was just as bad as Curly for not doing anything about Jimmy. That's insane, that is a batshit crazy take and I rebuke it. For one, Swansea was never Jim's friend. He never set people up to be victimized by Jimmy, he never enabled Jimmy's behavior or tried to comfort him when he was the problem. This was just a crazy thing to say, please learn to comprehend thing beyond the main text.
Um.. uh... conclusion paragraph, I love Swansea and I love to pretend he was more proactive against Jimmy for Anya's sake, but he wasn't so it's whatever he's not real anyway. I feel like this ended up being really long, like longer than the other two but idk.
Here's the link to the Anya rant and the Curly rants I also did, that I should probably edit upon further reflection
128 notes · View notes
the-s1lly-corner · 2 months ago
Note
How would follower!bishops react to a disciple!reader who's very giving and accommodating to them when they first join the cult? As in giving them care packages and showing them around, doing it out of their own free will. The reader knows who each of them are too maybe?
Follower!bishops x kind!disciple!reader
Anon you don't know what you've done because this is exactly how my main cotl OC is I'm about to get silly
Also I could NOT find a decent gif ignore Danny
Notes: reader is GN, you are a disciple of the lamb, you're one of the few people in the cult who knows who the bishops are (something something its been a very long time since theyve all been taken down, passage of time)-- implied that reader is either immortal via a gold skull necklace or other means OR they just keep up with history, follower bishops, more platonic than romantic, crushing if you squint
CWs: none
Tumblr media
LESHY
if youre a bit of a pushover he might put some of his chores onto you- will grumble and mutter to himself if you put your foot down though... average youngest sibling activity who had a taste of godhood blah blah hes spoiled
genuinely doesnt know if he feels offended that youre putting so much time aside for him or loving that youre doing your best to make things as comfortable for him as possible- are you doing this for pity or for something else?
will get jealous if you apply the same energy to his siblings, youre his buddy!!
probably thinks hes swaying your faith before you just outright say youre doing all of this out of the kindness of your heart- still teases the lamb about it to stir some drama
HEKET
feels she doesnt need a caretaker or a friend, shes not going to let anyone think that shes gone soft after falling from grace- she takes the longest to warm up to your kindness
either lashes out at you or the lamb due to feeling that youve been assigned as a babysitter to make sure she doesnt do anything- sure, the lamb has no reason to trust her or her siblings to behave themselves in the cult BUT that doesnt make it any less humiliating!
she does get used to your company with time- youre stubborn... talking together is easy because youve taken the time to learn sign language and youre more than happy to teach her
you leave her baskets with various teas and medicines to help soothe her throat on days where it hurts more- due to strain or weather or its simply one of her worst days... shes thankful for your effort but she shows it through guiding you on what works for her and what she likes
KALLAMAR
torn between him expecting you to tend to his every need and him being too nervous to push things and risk punishment from you or the lamb- you are a disciple after all, you can do things other followers arent permitted to do - and... oh youre... spending time with him because you genuinely want to?
he doesnt know what to make of it, too scared to really try anything to risk you leaving him alone
i personally headcanon that hes hard of hearing, probably deaf in one of his ears... he can still hear just barely- he takes you up on any offers to teach him sign to help minimize problems down the line
loooooooves the little care packages you leave for him- treats, goodies, and generally stuff he can use to upkeep himself- its nice still receiving "offerings" after everything!
SHAMURA
you... actually come in handy in helping keep them on track as well as reminding them of things they need to do or things that have been said- things have gotten so much harder since theyve lost their crown so your help is appreciated
one of the things you leave for them is ink and journals so they can keep track of things on their own when youre not around as well as generally granting them a space to put down their own thoughts in a private setting
your kindness makes you easy to talk to, you both do a lot of that... well... actually its mostly you doing most of the talking. shamura does a lot of listening but they prompt you to keep going or tries to find a subject to fill the silence
even if you were sent by the lamb to keep an eye on them theyd understand- if they were in the lambs place and decided to spare them theyd have someone to keep an eye on them... not really that offended about it plus they get a companion!
39 notes · View notes
pyrodolls · 1 year ago
Note
yandere mk1 raidennn?????
raiden x reader (yandere alphabet)
warnings: obsessiveness, mentions of violence and murder, mentions of death, slight angst, kidnapping, established relationship, gender neutral reader, ooc raiden, (regular yandere tendencies... you know what you're getting into)
a/n: hey so i thought my yandere hcs were getting too repetitive so i decided to make this into a yandere alphabet!! im so sorry it took me a while to get to this btw. also hello another val 👋👋👋 val nation lets gooooo
Tumblr media
A ffection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?
raiden doesn't strike me as the type to be outright with his affection. he's the type of yandere that would seem really tame at first, and hide his true feelings in the beginning of the relationship. he is actually very obsessive and even jealous when you give your attention to someone else, which you find out later on in the relationship. his affection is very intense, however. he adores you so much, he just wants to put you in his pocket! (and then keep you locked in there, make sure you can't talk to anyone else, and treat you as if you have the mind of an infant. but at least he would give you your favorite mini foods!)
B lood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?
raiden wouldn't kill someone for you unless he has to. if your life was in danger and someone threatened to harm you, he'd have no problem eliminating them instantly. but when it comes to his competition, he'd find some other method. raiden is a very well-trusted guy and everyone knows he is kind and honest, so they would instantly trust him if he were to spread a dirty lie about his competition. surely that would drive them to run away? if that doesn't work, he would find some kind of other way to distract them from you. murder would be his last resort.
C ruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?
raiden would never mock you! he wouldn't even think you hated being locked up by him. he is delusional and he doesn't think you hate being locked up. he thinks you love him and you love being with him. even if you were to react with anger and violence, he would assume you were just having a bad day. you can kick and scream all you want, raiden would just hug you and comfort you. besides, you don't have a reason to be upset! he spends as much time as he can with you, he provides you everything you need, and he gifts you clothes and furniture to your liking. you love it there, don't you?
D arling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against the darling's will?
raiden would probably try to avoid displeasing you. however he knows that sometimes he has to, it's for your own good! he knows what is best for you, please trust him! if you're angry at him for anything he does, he wouldn't exactly understand why, but he would still comfort you. other than that, he tries to please you as often as he can. as long as you are healthy and happy, so is he.
E xposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?
this was already mentioned, but raiden would be very normal at first. the beginning of your relationship would seem like it was straight out of a romcom. sweet, innocent, and cute. he'll be honest with how he feels and comfort you when you were upset. but as the relationship goes on, he'll open up his possessive side more. but he still deeply cares about you. he is very loving and treats you with so much care, almost as if you were delicate and made of glass.
F ight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?
this was already mentioned, but he would just assume you were just having a bad day. all couples have fights, this is normal! raiden doesn't blame you at all. no matter how severe your anger is, he would never get mad at you. the most he'll do as a punishment is gently lecture you. he can't bring himself to be mad at you.
G ame: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?
raiden does not see it as a game. as much as he underestimates you, he doesn't treat you like a doll or a plaything. he understands that you are just in pain, so he doesn't blame you for constantly wanting to escape. he doesn't enjoy seeing you in pain at all. raiden tries his best to comfort you and try to find out why you are so upset, but he just doesn't get it. why are you so angry? do you not like the wallpaper in your new bedroom? do you want him to spend more time with you? he's confused and desperate to help you, so he is not at all amused by your attempts to escape.
H ell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?
honestly? there isn't really a specific bad experience with raiden. the only bad thing about being in a relationship with him is his possessiveness and how he treats you as if you're weak. other than those two factors, raiden is surprisingly kind and mature. he would hate to make you upset. he always tries not to ruin your mood, unless he has to. he strongly believes that as long as you are happy, so is he.
I deals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?
raiden would love to start a family with you. he loves the idea of taking care of kids with you by his side. if you don't want a family, he would be okay with that. he would be perfectly fine with just a couple of pets here and there as you both stay together for the rest of your lives. he doesn't exactly have a clear vision of what he wants. as long as you two are together and you are safe, he does not mind what the future holds.
J ealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
oh raiden absolutely gets jealous. he doesn't like it when you give your attention to other people. he knows you're just being kind and he fully trusts you, he just doesn't trust other people. he thinks they don't know you better than he does, and they would just break your heart. but raiden would never hurt you! so he keeps that in mind when he gets bummed out about your relationship with others. he reassures himself that he is the best person to be your significant other, and nobody else. he silently sulks and he refuses to admit that he is jealous.
K isses: How do they act around or with their darling?
he is so in love. raiden absolutely adores you. he thinks you can do no wrong. he treats you with so much love and care. even though it's a bit too much and he treats you as if you're weak and you cannot protect yourself, it's only because he loves you so much. he loves engaging in any activity with you, he loves giving you his attention, his physical and verbal affection, etc. raiden is completely lovesick.
L ove letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?
raiden is the typical shy boy approaching his crush. it's almost stereotypical, that he is extremely flustered when he confesses to you. it wouldn't even surprise you, since he was already super shy and kind towards you. he would always stammer when speaking to you and he would perform some acts of service for you every time you two crossed paths. when raiden confessed his feelings to you, it wasn't anything big. he had a couple gifts and he approached you with a red face as he poured his heart out to you.
M ask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?
sort of. raiden is still extremely kind and understanding to you, even though he showed his condescending and possessive side. but nobody else is aware of this behavior. you had no idea he had this side to himself when you started dating him.
N aughty: How would they punish their darling?
raiden would not want to punish you. he thinks you can do no wrong, and he is extremely understanding when you are upset. so no matter what you do, he could never be mad at you or punish you. the worst thing he'd do is gently lecture you as if he was training a dog.
O ppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?
as mentioned earlier, raiden would have no problem kidnapping you and taking away your freedom. he doesn't think of it as a bad thing or a punishment, he just wants to keep you safe. the outside world is a very scary place, so you must stay in his protection! he doesn't think of it as taking away a right of yours, he has to do what is best for you. even if you are angry at him right now, someday you'll understand that he is just trying to help you!
P atience: How patient are they with their darling?
raiden is extremely patient. he doesn't care how long it takes for you to calm down from your anger towards him, he'll always love you and take care of you. even if you attempt to escape every day, he doesn't mind at all. he will always look after you and make sure you are okay. even though he hates seeing you unhappy, he has hope that someday you'll be comfortable with your new life.
Q uit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
raiden would never move on. he would be extremely confused if you were to die. what did he do wrong? he thought he was doing so well. he took such good care of you, and you were so healthy! what happened? why did he fail you? it would haunt him for the rest of his life, and he wouldn't know how to live without you. he would even have thoughts of ending his own life. why live the rest of his life in agony with memories of you, if he can just join you in the afterlife? if you were to escape however, raiden would rip the world apart just to find you. you must come back to him. he can keep you safe. please go back to him.
R egret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?
raiden would feel immense guilt, but he convinces himself that he is doing what is best for you. you are not safe out there, let him keep you with him. he wouldn't let you go, since he is deeply paranoid of something happening to you. he would occasionally let you wander around outside, but not too far from him or your living space.
S tigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?
it may be because of his new power and how he believes you are too weak to take care of yourself. raiden never had these possessive and delusional traits when he was younger. he met you, fell in love, and thought of you like a delicate little flower. since he's earthrealm's champion and he can take care of you, he takes it upon himself to keep you safe. it was a very sudden change in his personality.
T ears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
raiden absolutely detests seeing you in pain. his heart would break at the sight of you crying or isolating yourself. he would try to comfort you, but he would understand if you needed space. he is very kind and gentle when it comes to your emotions, even if he doesn't always understand the root of the issue.
U nique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
raiden isn't as cold or deadly as the classic yandere. he isn't too willing to hurt you or anyone else unless he has to. he is actually quite normal and loving in your relationship. other than the kidnapping and infantilization of course.
V ice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
you can easily trick raiden if you start ignoring him. he can handle you yelling, kicking, or attacking him in any way. but if you start to distance yourself and refuse to give him any of your attention, he would be lost. he would be extremely confused, and he would hate seeing you so empty. he would panic and be worried that he accidentally broke you, so he would attempt to give you a little bit of fresh air just outside your living space. you can use that as your chance to escape.
W it’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?
raiden would try everything to avoid hurting you. only if he *has* to, he would. only as a last resort. seeing you in pain is his least favorite thing in the world.
X oanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?
raiden would basically worship you. he thinks you can do no wrong, and he adores you so much. he does everything for you. he works for you, provides for you, and makes sure you don't have to lift a finger. he loves serving you, and doesn't want you to feel like a burden. he takes care of you because he loves you. he is also convinced that you already love him, so he wouldn't exactly try to win you over.
Y earn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
he would never snap. raiden would confess to you, and as you get deeper into your relationship, the more he is convinced you love him back. even if you lose feelings, he wouldn't know. the thought of you losing feelings for him wouldn't even cross his mind.
Z enith: Would they ever break their darling?
ultimately, he probably would. if you were stuck in a home by yourself for most of your life with nobody but raiden, and rarely spend time outside... you would be broken. you would lose the light in your eyes and lose your love for the world. your entire life was ruined and raiden accidentally took everything away from you. he thinks he knows what is best for you, so he doesn't consider the possibility of breaking you until it is too late. his greatest fear was seeing you get hurt by the world, but he would become what he fears most.
i hope it isn't noticeable that this isn't proofread LMAOOO
240 notes · View notes
jaehyunsprincesspeach · 1 year ago
Note
Hi! First of all i just wanted to say that i really love your writing style and your works❤️, i always have such a warm feeling inside me when i am reading your works😊 and second i apologize for any mistake cuz English is not my first language and you can ignore this ask.
I was wondering if you could do skz reaction to their idol!crush who is very respected in the industry that never ever does tiktok challenges with any other idols (aside from their members if they are not a soloist) wanting and asking to specifically do idk the s class challenge (i can't think of anything else🥲) with the members.
thank you so much, i'm so happy you enjoy my works !!
sorry this took me so long, but i hope you are doing well !!
all the love ~ lunar
SKZ React to Idol S/O Asking to do a Tiktok Challenge With Them
Tumblr media
Chan
Chan knows that you only do Tiktok challenges with your group, so when you ask if you can record the two of you doing their S-Class challenge, he can't hide the shock he has. of course, he is more than willing to do the challenge with you, and honestly he has been wanting to since the challenge was released, but he never thought you would come to him asking, he thought he would have to ask you. when it finally settles in his head, he calmly brings you into the most comforting hug and says "i thought you'd never ask, lets go now!" he's calm, but there's no doubt he's excited to do a challenge with you!
Lee Know
Like Chan, he would be a little shocked that you are asking someone outside of your group to do a challenge with you, but honestly, he's not all that phased. if anything, he's happy that he gets to be the first person outside of your group to record a challenge with you. he knows that it could start dating rumors, but he really doesn't care, he's just happy that you asked him of all people, yet he still wont show how excited he truly is (spoiler, his heart is running in circles around his chest)
Changbin
the excitement this man has omg, you'll have to wait a good 10 minutes for him to calm down before he gives you a verbal answer. he would say something like "no way, my baby wants to do a challenge with me? how could i ever say no? hahaha all the other guys suck, im the first person outside of her group who gets to do a challenge with her!" he is like a child in a candy store, and when he calms down, he makes sure to tell you how special this is to him, knowing that you only ever do challenges with your group. pulls you into the tightest hug, and takes you to the studio (secretly the two of you record more challenges, but only post S-Class)
Hyunjin
thinks absolutely nothing of it, until he remembers that you only ever do challenges with your group, and he would have this realization right in the middle of recording it. like he would stop everything and just stare at you, mid recording, and would have to start all over again. once he does remember, omg he is so over the top happy. picks you up and spins you around telling you how honored he feels to be the first person you are doing a challenge with outside of your group, and tells you how happy you make him. once he finally gets it out, the two of you can finally record the challenge together.
Han
his brain straight stops functioning for a few minutes. the second you ask if the two of you can do the S-Class challenge, he's thinking about all of the conversations where you have told him you only do challenges with your group, or thinking about the potential dating scandal that could come from this, even thinking about the possibility that he messes up his own dance and embarrasses himself... once he comes back to reality, he acts all confident and unfazed, though he's really freaking out on the inside, but he is more than willing to join you, and is really happy that you asked him over anyone else!
Felix
sweet baby angel has no hesitation saying yes to you, like he does with everything else. he would ask if you're sure about recording a challenge with him, knowing that you only do challenges with you group, but once he knows you're all in, he's all in with you. he simply can't say no to you, but if it was something you are not comfortable with, he wouldn't do it. smiling the entire time, cause he finally gets to do a challenge with his baby, and he's over the moon happy that he is the only other person you have ever done a challenge with.
Seungmin
completely unfazed. he knows that you only do challenges with your group, but the fact that you are asking him means that you are okay with it, so he's not going to think too much about it. after recording, he would make sure that this was on your terms, rather than having someone tell you that you have to do this, but once he finds out it was your idea, again he's unfazed (secretly has butterflies fluttering throughout his entire body, but nobody gets to know that...)
I.N
I.N is another one who would be unfazed, though he might ask more questions before recording. he knows you are strong and that you wouldn't do anything that you are not comfortable with, so he will check before hand and make sure it is something you are okay with. after, he shows a little bit of excitement, knowing that he is literally the only person you have done a challenge with outside of your group. feels an overwhelming warmth in his heart for you, and makes sure you know how happy this made him, without showing too much PDA of course.
136 notes · View notes
ryker-writes · 2 years ago
Text
TWST characters as siblings (Savanaclaw)
I had too many thoughts on Leona's part so it's much longer
Leona:
another royal at night raven college?
you do get some special treatment at the school because you are royalty
Falena is the very nice and happy brother and Leona is the grumpy mean one
Leona doesn't respond to Falena's letters so please respond to him when he sends you letters
his feelings will be hurt if you don't
congratulations you have the most adorable nephew in the world!
Cheka loves to visit the two of you at NRC
Leona doesn't really care what dorm you end up in unless it's Diasomnia
then he will be very upset
He's the kind of brother to act like he doesn't care about you but as soon as something is wrong he is there
like you could be talking to him about anything and he'll tell you to go away and not bother him
but when you mention a problem or something, he's still claims he doesn't care but has already figured out how to help and will act on it without telling you
magically your problem is gone and if you ask him about it he will deny any involvement
if there is something on your mind he does get really serious and let's you vent to him
actually good at comfort and will be one of the rare times he expresses that he actually cares about you
he's not super protective
he knows you can handle yourself just fine so he doesn't worry about your choice of friends
he won't really care about bonding with them either
now if you tell him about a romantic partner...
he'll care who it is but he still won't be worried
if they hurt you he'll just end them no big deal
he won't really try to bond with your partner either
doesn't really bother your relationship that much but he will silently (and sometimes not silently) judge your partner
but his thoughts on your relationship have one exception: Malleus (more thoughts on this later)
Much like he does for Leona, Ruggie will also run errands for you too (he still asks for payment tho)
one thing about Leona being your brother, he's gonna do his best to make sure that you don't feel inferior to him, Falena, or anyone else
he never wants you to feel like that ever
if you do feel that way he's gonna beat himself up for allowing or making you feel like that
will assure you that you're just as good as everyone else if not better
Ruggie:
your childhood together would've made you two pretty close
Just you, Ruggie, and your grandma trying to survive
your grandma would always make sure you and Ruggie had food to eat
when it's just you and Ruggie at NRC, he takes on that responsibility to make sure the two of you eat
thankfully he's pretty close with Leona and so you two don't have to worry too much about money
the jobs Ruggie takes around campus are now for the two of you
he wants you to be in Savanaclaw with him, but won't be too upset if you get assigned elsewhere
he's still going to be looking out for you regardless of what dorm you're in
if you have a problem he can pull some strings to help you out
will probably negotiate with Leona to help out
Ruggie isn't a protective brother
he doesn't mind your friends as long as they are nice to you
he doesn't care for getting to know your friends
if you're in a romantic relationship he won't really worry
as long as your partner is taking care of you right, he isn't bothered
Ruggie will be pretty happy if you decide to do some jobs with him and make your own money
he gets if you don't want to tho and will respect that
if you ever needed money for something he will debate in his mind if he should help you out
most of the time he agrees since it will make you happy
he saves up his money often but he puts some aside from his savings for your birthday
he wants to get you a big gift that will make you happy
Jack:
if you're in this family then you're probably a little athletic
i mean the entire family is pretty athletic and has the stamina to back it up
aside from jack you also have two little siblings
they like to run around a lot so I hope you can keep up with them
Jack is super excited that you two get to experience NRC together
and he's real happy if you get into Savanaclaw
if you don't he'll be a little disappointed but he'll accept it anyway
he's always encouraging you to do your best in classes and become the best 'you' that you can be
always there to help or listen if you need him
family is incredibly important to him so you are at the top of him priority list
so he's a little protective
he's happy to meet your friends and is very nice to them
but he'll just want to make sure they're good people and then he'll leave you guys alone
if you get into a romantic relationship he's slightly more hesitant
he wants to meet your partner
Jack isn't the type to think your partner is taking you away from him, he just worries that you'll get hurt
once he figures that your relationship is good and you're happy, he's pretty chill about it
he wants to protect you from pain both physically and emotionally
when there's trouble nearby he is automatically going to step between you and the threat
he doesn't even think about it he just does
if you point it out to him he'll finally notice and will try to stop if you want him to
618 notes · View notes
generational-atrophy · 1 year ago
Note
Sugar daddy russia with female s/o please ⭐
hetalia russia with a sugar baby
Tumblr media
1.1k words ~ feminine headcanons + mini scenario
tw: ivan is possesive and intimidating, other than that, none!
a/n: thanks for this request <3 very self indulgent for me ngl
Tumblr media
Ivan has always been a lonely man. Every romantic partner he’s had over his many centuries of living has left him, usually quite quickly. But despite his many disastrous failures, he's never been afraid to try again.
In his earlier years, he could've just bought a woman to keep him company. He had often thought about it, but would always realize that he couldn't live with himself if he did so. It was simply too disrespectful.
But nowadays there are other ways to get a woman's affection. He doesn't mind those quite as much.
Ivan has no moral qualms about paying for you to stay with him. He knows you're lying when you tell him you love him, but he frankly doesn't care. You're telling him it anyway.
He doesn’t like matching outfits very much. He appreciates seeing your own style come out more than his. But, he always blushes whenever you include a little sunflower or flag accessory in your wardrobe.
He appreciates you showing him affection anywhere, but he especially loves it in public. Usually, everyone is so afraid to be seen with him, so he always loses his composure whenever you hold his hand in front of others.
Your relationship is going to be physical. That's a requirement for him. He's incredibly touch-starved and as such, constantly has his hands all over you. He's paying for your body, isn't he?
Giving you only cash isn't a problem, but he definitely prefers going on shopping sprees with him. Sometimes, when he's especially lonely, he won't give you money; only allowing you to go to the store with him to pay.
He's rarely forceful with anything he wants; he really wants you to be just as happy as he is. Anything his sugar baby wants, she can get.
Loves to show you off. Of course, you can't mention that he's paying for your love, but you always come with him to social events. You're just his beautiful little darling, always hanging onto his arm and doing little else. Just how he likes it.
If anyone asks, he's only “paying to put you through university.”
Your relationship won't be sexual, at least for a while. If he were paying for your body in that way, you'd be a prostitute, and he wouldn't like that. That might change if he thinks your feelings towards him have become more genuine, but otherwise, nothing more than kissing.
You don't have to do very much to earn your allowance, he's more than happy to give just to see your face every day.
He doesn’t want you looking at, much less thinking about other men. Once you’re “dating” him, he’s the only man for you. Very rarely will he make exceptions to that rule.
He likes the kind of... talk that comes along with it for the most part, but he doesn't like being called “Daddy.”
In his mind, that's too vulgar of a phrase. That's not what your relationship is. He's more traditional romantically when it comes to that.
If he's in a bad mood, he'll be sure to stay far away from his sugar baby. He doesn't want to snap at you, much less you snap back at him. That'd shatter the perfect image of your relationship his mind has concocted.
He does expect you to come to comfort him at any hour, though. He'd do the same for you, so you had better do that for him.
It's hard for him to get angry at his darling. But if he does get frustrated, he'll cut you off for a short time. Never more than a week. (And, if it was an emergency, he'd put his own hurt feelings aside to help you.)
He may be violent around you, but never towards you. It's hard enough for him to build up the courage to touch you softly, he could never hurt you physically. But... he's also not afraid to punch a hole through a nearby wall to intimidate you.
He wants good behaviour, that's it. He's paying for you to be perfect, not to be a brat.
Other than that, he'd be a pretty great sugar daddy. Besides, you know, the problems but... you'd be getting that from Ivan no matter what.
“Mister Braginsky?” You call out, hesitantly entering his home using your spare key. About 30 minutes ago now, he had called you briefly, asking for you to come over.
“In the living room!“ His heavily accented voice responds from deeper in the home, accompanied by the faint sound of tinny jazz. It seemed as if his house was never truly quiet. He seemed to hate silence.
You walk into the living room, facing him sitting on the couch. His features are only visible through the warm glow of his crackling fireplace, giving his smile an uncanny look.
”Come, sit with me, Lyoubov.“ He beckons, motioning for him to join him on the couch.
Never one to disappoint a client, you quickly set your bag down and rush towards him. You no longer needed a request to know what he wanted, and as such you quickly made yourself comfortable in his lap.    
As soon as you relaxed against him, he let out a shaky sigh. Now, you could make out faint tear tracks running down his cheeks. But he didn't let it show in his composure.
Gently, he gathered your skirt closer to you, running his rough hands up and down your smooth thighs, ”I'm happy that you came.“
”Why wouldn't I?” You ask softly, running your fingers through his silver locks.
“Most people do not like to be around me. I know that you are... like that as well, but you pretend you aren't. I... I appreciate your labour.��
“It's not much of a 'labour,'“ You start to say, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek, ”You make it easy to be around you, Ivan.“
”Do you really believe that? I want you to be honest.“ He asks seriously, pausing his affection.
”Yeah, of course I do.“ You scoff, shrugging slightly with a smile.
”Even if I stopped giving you your allowance?“
You pause, considering your answer, ”You'd still be a nice person. I just... wouldn't be around you anymore. That's the deal we have, Mister Braginsky.“
He smiles, bringing his hands up your thighs, ”I know. That is alright with me, moya solnishka.“
Before you could react, he brought his face to yours in a passionate kiss. As you wrapped your arms around his waist in response, he only laid a hand on the back of your head, holding you ever closer.
After a moment that felt like an hour, he pulled away, face flushed and breath heavy. You couldn't help but press yourself against him more, craving the warmth of his affection once again.
”I'll keep you around as long as you'll let me, does that sound good, lyoubov?“
”Anything sounds good if it's with you, Ivan.“
169 notes · View notes
admirableadmiranda · 2 years ago
Note
I recently read somewhere here (won't name them) that after the Guanyin Temple confession, Lan Wangji's actions were selfish. That he should have stayed there to comfort his brother who has just lost (and killed) the love of his life instead of f-ing of to screw the love of his life. The person has referenced chapter 110 (111 on some websites) where Lan Wangji says that even comfort from his brother by birth will be in vain.
I hope you will analyse that part. Because I think it is a translation issue. It doesn't sound like something Lan Wangji would say. I would have accepted that person's analysis if their post wasn't so blatantly anti-wangxian?
Well anon, the thing is that the person posting it does have the correct line. It’s not a translation issue.
The issue is their whole interpretation of the situation. Lan Xichen was not in love with Jin Guangyao, he did not kill the love of his life and this person is doing the same rude shit as a lot of people who don’t like Wangxian choosing each other over nebulous ideas of duty.
They are taking a narration line and putting it in Lan Wangji’s mouth from the sound of it, lemme grab it for you. It is from Chapter 111, right after Wei Wuxian reveals that the Guanyin in the temple looks like Jin Guangyao’s mother.
“[Wei Wuxian] turned and glanced back, letting out a rare sigh, “I don’t want to care about any of those nasty things anymore. This is it.”
Lan WangJi nodded and tightened Lil’ Apple’s reins. He continued to walk with it.
Each could only deal with their own troubles. Even if Lan XiChen was his brother by birth, Lan WangJi couldn’t do anything to help him right now. Comfort was useless. It’d all be in vain.”
Bolded line highlighted for necessary emphasis.
It’s just narration there, it’s being treated as a fact - and it is. The things that Lan Xichen needs right now are not things that Lan Wangji can provide him. Lan Xichen needs time and space to grapple with everything that he saw and his own role in all the events that came to pass. What could Lan Wangji do? Lan Xichen is confronting his own guilt both in what he participated in and what he looked aside from, things that brought irreparable harm to a lot of people including his brother and the love of his brother’s life.
How would Lan Wangji staying help anything there? Lan Xichen has just watched them cuddle through a siege, flirt and laugh and tell each other how much they loved each other. It is the one unquestioningly good thing to come out of that night, something that he wanted, for his brother to be happy. That’s the whole crux of his rant at Wei Wuxian, he wants his brother to be happy and he thinks that Wei Wuxian is knowingly toying with his feelings.
Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are already planning to elope even before anyone else gets there. They sneak off really quickly and easily. Lan Xichen is not looking for them, he’s busy telling Lan Qiren to shut up and let him think.
Lan Xichen is already filled with guilt and confusion over what’s happened, but also think about how much worse it would feel if he knew his brother set aside his own marriage and honeymoon to come sit with him, sacrificing his own happiness to Lan Xichen again, this time much more knowingly. That wouldn’t make him feel better. That wouldn’t make anyone who has a shred of empathy feel better. It is more likely a comfort to Lan Xichen to know that something good did come out of that terrible night.
They return three months later, when they are settled and choose to come back and then Lan Xichen is ready for that comfort. He wouldn’t have wanted it then. It was too soon and the cost of it would have been too high.
These brothers care about each other and know each other well and they are in their thirties. They are not helpless children any longer. Lan Xichen is not alone and suffering, he returns to his clan with hundreds of people living in it to pick up the ashes at his feet. He has solace in knowing that at least one person is happy and better off despite his actions in the matter. Let him have that.
I hate that stupid trend you reference in your post. I hate the idea that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have to continue sacrificing their lives and everything else to take care of the people around them first.
They have been parted by circumstance, homophobia, war, the aftermath of war and fucking death for twenty years. They have in fact actually gone through worse than most of the rest of the cast and somehow finally found their way back to each other and a happy ending. What more do people want before they are allowed to be selfish for once in their lives?
279 notes · View notes
tteokdoroki · 2 years ago
Text
𑊡˚+₊🍼✦ — be better, rookie + katsuki bakugou.
૮ ͈>◡< ͈ა warnings — fluff + sfw, gn!reader, pro hero!bakugou, he’s all scarred up so…manga spoilers? reader looks up to and has a huge crush on bakugou, small age gap sort of implied !! wrote this in an hour so sorry for any typos !! not beta read <3
happy new year everyone!! first little ficlet of 2023!! thank you all for sticking by me this last year, i hope this next one is full of positive vibes for you all 🫶🏾☁️
Tumblr media
aside from christmas, the new year has always been a time where crime was at its peak – whether it be pitpockets sneaking through crowds at Japan’s famed festivals or cruel individuals breaking into quaint little family homes while the occupants are out for the fireworks; crime always rears it ugly head during the dawn of a new year. for pro-heroes, working the patrol on new years eve is almost as bad as it gets, no one wanting to stick around for long hours amongst rowdy groups of fans, pranksters, and evil-doers amongst other archetypes of the general public. getting stuck with the new years patrol was prfobably the closet thing to bad luck, but this time around, you didn’t mind.
“what? got no plans for the new year, rookie?’
from your place crouched on a roof above the warm glow of the festivals below, you spare a glance up at your patrol partner for the evening and wet the swell of your lower lip, as if to warm it up from the onslaught of cold air drifting over it. “uh, n-no, not this year dynamight,” you stammer out, unsure as to why – is it because you’re cold? or because you’re spending the last day of the year working with a living legend? “all my friends are busy – not that i have many, and um…i kinda need the extra wages? so i volunteered for the patrol this year…”
his sturdy and intimidating presence looming over you while you hug your knees to your chest only serves to make you ramble on about the finer details you’re sure the older, more explosive hero could careless about. it all just…flies out of you, admitting your truth to someone you’ve admired for so long. katsuki bakugou was just shy of twenty-three when he started his own agency, shooting through the ranks for not only his zero casualties, zero failures work in the hero field but because of his brash, take-no-shit approach to life and obviously soul-damaging goodlooks. the first time you’d met the great and powerful dynamight, you were just a little ways away from completing your final year in the hero course at U.A, he’d come in for one of those alumni talks along with a few of his other succeszsful classmates from the iconic class 1-A. you remember nothing else from that day aside from bakugou’s words. 
‘havin’ a flashy quirk ain’t worth shit if yer not willin’ to push yourself past what you already know,’ he’d said, commanding your attention as you listened on with baited breath. ‘believe in what you can do, but don’t ever get comfortable, knowin’ that you can always be somethin’ more.’
now, seven, about to be eight years on – you still hold his words close to your heart, using it as motivation to strive to become a better hero…even if you are just a sidekick for now. you’re pulled from your thoughts when bakugou lets out a grunt while he flops down to sit next you, hot-blood red and silver-moon grey eyes focused on the buzzing celebrations below, his nose tucked into the collar of his winter-costume to keep warm. “got no partner t’kiss when the clock strikes twelve, hah?”  there’s not an ounce of care for how scandalous his question might be hidden in the blonde’s voice, in fact, he smirks from under his collar ( you can tell by the way his eyes crinkle ) when you squeak in response.
“n-no! nothing like that,” your voice shakes and rises in pitch as you vehemently deny katsuki’s claims – only making him laugh a little more, the timbre sound bristling right through you like the chill of an icy winter’s breeze. “i’m not dating anyone. i don’t really have the time to, i’ve just been focusing on becoming a good pro-hero…being the best i can be.”
bakugou knows those words like the back of his scarred hands, he knows the loneliness that comes with them too. they’re what’s gotten him this far, what got his face fucked up and his life hanging in the balance on multiple occasions. he knows them well, he wonders if you’re the same too.
“s-so…uh, dynamight–”
‘bakugou…bakugou’s fine,”
“bakugou,” you correct yourself quickly, daring to look at the man, your idol. “d-do you have any plans for new years eve tonight?”
your nervous squeals remind the aging blonde of someone he used to know, someone he’ll never dmit that he’s fond of, and bakugou decides then and there, that he likes you. this meek little rookie. he shakes his head. “don’ really care for this time’a year,” he explains simply. “but a couple of my old…friends are expecting me at a party by midnight.”
there’s a beat of silence, pocketed by your brief and meek sigh. “i-it’s almost midnight, sir.”
katsuki bakugou’s had a hard time accepting a lot of his feelings, not knowing when or why he should care…but tonight, he finds that he does. if he leaves now, with almost a few minutes to spare before the dawn of a new age, this rooke, the one that he hardly knows and only just met…will be alone. “s’bakugou to you, rookie.” and for some reason, his aching and turbulent soul just can’t handle that. “and i know, didn’t say i was goin’ to the stupid party, did i?”
the countdown below beings, with only a minute to go before another gruellling year will be upon you– your heartbeat is louder than the simmering excitement beneath you, the echoes of blood rushing through your ears deafening the anticipating crowd below. you want this next year to count, you want all of your hard work to mean something, you want the man that lead you here to know how much you owe him – so your body moves without thinking, racing ahead of the sixty-second timer that the whole world is running on as jumbled words tumble from your lips and you latch onto the dynamight’s right arm, desperatly, tearily.
“t-thank you!” you blurt out quickly, before you can even stop yourself. forty-five seconds left on the clock. “for everything, for being my hero, for going on when others can’t. for being the reason that i want to do better next year, b-be better!” you expect katsuki to recoil, to shove you off and when he doesn’t, you keep going. “even when the years would hurt you, you’ve never stopped. s-so thank you dynamight, f-for everything.”
the pro hero hates the way he almost gets choked up, nearly hates the way you remind him so much of the person who drives him to become better too. he blinks back the water lining his mismatched eyes, coughing to cover up the emotion in his voice. “did that idiot–” less than thirty seconds now. better, kacchan, be better. “did deku put you up to this?’ 
bakugou’s heart seizes in his chest when he realises – you’re just good, a little like deku, but good in your own way, in your own time. it makes sense why the number one had chosen you to be his sidekick. ten seconds. “no,” you whisper so sweetly, almost too quiet to be heard underneath the shouts of ‘five, four three two–!’ “that was all me. t-thank you, bakugou.”
one.
the smile you give him is bright, further illuminated by the pops of colour from fireworks in the sky.
you’re pretty, both inside and out, showing katsuki an appreciation he’s only ever felt once, before. 
speaking again, you give his arm a squeeze. “happy new year, bakugou.” 
“happy new year,” katsuki parrots, constarstingly soft to his rough, bumped and bruised exterior. here’s to being better, rookie.”
Tumblr media
874 notes · View notes
theflyindutchwoman · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
And you're so concerned about my love life because? Because I don't want to drive around on patrol with you while you are moping about screwing this up. Look, if you like this girl, you should listen to her.
| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 4.10 - Heart Beat
For a scene that is supposed to be about Tim and his relationship with Ashley, it is very interesting how it actually highlights the bond he has with Lucy… Something that is made perfectly clear with the way it parallels this moment from The Bet : 'Why do I care if Tim dates? […] You just want everyone to be happy'. (2.03) This exchange completes this scene so well, showing how this is really all about these two. How they just want the other to be happy. How she has often helped him in his relationships, how he has always listened to her and this, from the beginning. Lucy may not be particularly fond of Ashley but Tim is and that's all that matters to her. That's why she basically runs after him.
There might be a slight hesitation at first, where she realises that she might be overstepping a bit here, but she also knows that he needs to be made aware of her conversation with his girlfriend. The fact that Ashley felt more comfortable talking about her fears with her, instead of Tim, already speaks volume. And while Lucy might have joked around in the shop, I think that phone call shed a different light on the situation and made her understand that Tim didn't fully get what was going on. That what he interpreted as a dislike for Kojo is instead a fear of him. And she is so taken aback by how cavalier he is at first. I don't think she expected him to react this way. Though that is a thing with Tim : he can be dismissive but he listens. He takes the time to reflect on his own behavior so he can change it. Like when Lucy called him out for the way he treated the gardeners in the pilot or when she was upset that he was getting the credits for her hard work. And this is what is happening here, he's following that same pattern… He needed to hear this. More specifically : he needed to hear this from Lucy herself. Which makes her statement later all the more ironic.
This is really in-character for Tim to deflect a bit. But there's also a genuine curiosity when he asks her why she cares so much about his love life. They're still in this space where they're testing each other in some ways. It says a lot that he doesn't even think of biting her head off for interfering in the first place, like he used to. They are so far passed that. And it is a very good question… One she asked herself after setting him up with Rachel. And yes, this is who she is : she wants the people around her to be happy. But this is different. We have yet to see her set up anyone else on a date or try to help them mend their relationship the same way. Even when Jackson was having issues with Sterling, she simply offered a shoulder to cry on. That little extra is reserved for Tim, and Tim only. That's what makes this parallel so good in my opinion. Because he himself didn't even question it back then. But now that things are changing between them, he is. Their hug, that almost-kiss, their blatant flirting at work… The fact that he needed her at his side when he confronted his father… This is all adding up and there's an awareness that is starting to grow… But what makes this parallel even more special, is how it underlines their selflessness. They have always helped each other in their respective relationships, regardless of their opinions and feelings. The other's happiness is what matters to them. Even here, it's hard to know whether Lucy is aware of her own feelings for him at this point, but either way, she simply sets them aside to help him - consciously or not.
And like I said earlier, her advice is full of irony : 'if you like this girl, you should listen to her'. Because he does already follow this to the letter… with HER. She is the one person he always listens to. The one that makes him want to be better. Tim being offended at her implication that he mopes is downright hilarious - especially in light of season 5a. Her little smirk when she walks away… His epic eye roll… The more things change, the more they stay the same.
89 notes · View notes
avinwrites · 2 years ago
Text
Frederick Kreiburg x reader HC's
|| I played as Frederick for the first time not too long ago and I have fallen in love with his playstyle, I kinda want to main him now ||
Starting with his love language, Frederick is a private person. He never really feels safe and comfortable around others, and it takes a lot for him to open up. For this, I see him feeling loved when one spends quality time with him. It would take a lot, in the beginning, just to be able to spend any time with him. He frequently practices piano, so that would be a good start. All it takes is time and effort to get really close to him, but the return is worth it. 
-He doesn’t really know how to show his love in any other way but if you ask to spend time with him, he’ll always accept
-He’s never touchy, in fact, you will explicitly have to ask him to hold your hand or hug you because he just won’t
-It’s not that he’s particularly uncomfortable with it, he just isn’t used to physical affection of any kind
-so it’s best to take your time
-He’ll always be glad to play the piano for you; he’s passionate about his craft
-That will probably be how most of your time is spent with him for a long while after you first meet
-In a place where he is comfortable, and you, with patience, will help him eventually open up
-He’s had a rough life, and in some ways, he’s happy with his life now, even in the dire situation you all are in
-Just because he’s not ridiculed here, his psychasthenia isn’t as horrible as it has been, he believes things are looking up for him
-He’ll find himself thinking about you more often when you’re away
-He can recognize his feelings and what they mean, and what it means when he thinks of you
-He just never thought he’d be able to experience it
-So, excuse him if he goes about it the wrong way
-He’s the type to blush and stumble over his words, fidgeting and unable to completely stand still when he’s talking about a certain subject matter
-the subject: he would like to court you
-That being, the long and formal process of getting to know someone, spending time together, doing thoughtful things for each other
-Like the gentleman he is
-It would be a long process though, but you’ll spend a lot of time with him
-getting to know each other so wholly and intimately
-And eventually things would evolve from there
-It would be no secret to anyone that you were seeing each other
-Most of your days are spent in close proximity to him
-He claims that being around you is calming, just like how music clears his head
-Your voice has it’s own special melody that makes the world feel still and bearable
-Even if you’re the most chaotic person in existence, he thinks you can do no wrong and being around you changes his world for the better
-Aside from music, Frederick really likes nature. 
-He will often ask to accompany you through strolls through the greenhouse
-Anything that has a distinct, flowery scent, he will stop to smell
-His favorite is Wisteria
-He loves the smell and how it spills over and grows so sporadically, yet is still so beautiful
-If he ever goes to the greenhouse alone to clear his head, he will always bring you back a clipping, usually Wisteria, but if there is something else that happens to catch his eye, he’ll show it off to you
-When in matches, he prefers to stay far from anyone else and decode
-But if you hint at all that you need help, he’ll be right there
-Most of the time, he’s targeted first though
-So he’s very appreciative when you help him out
-When you decode together, he’ll hum what he hears out loud so you don’t have to put up with only the sounds of the cipher machines
-If you lean against him or get close to him, he’ll freeze up and probably miss a few ‘calibrations’ but will not complain
-After a short while, he’ll close whatever distance is between you and maybe hold your hand
-that's really inefficient though, but he doesn’t care
235 notes · View notes
part-time-zombie · 6 months ago
Text
What To Expect
pairings: logince (platonic, can be read as romantic)
summary: roman didn't think anyone else would be up this late at night, especially not logan. an unexpected encounter leads to a much needed heart-to-heart between the two, one that may lead them in the right direction towards mutual understanding.
tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, angst with a happy ending
word count: 3864
a/n: this is basically my Night Owls fic, but if roman was the one to run into logan instead of remus. also this is like the second fic i've ever written (wow).
Roman couldn’t sleep. This was bad enough on its own, as Roman usually preferred to get plenty of beauty rest, but what was worse about tonight was why he was still awake.
Over the past few days, or maybe weeks, it felt as if a dark cloud had settled over his mind and heart in the wake of all that had happened between him and the others after the wedding, and that in any moment a horrible storm would come erupting to the surface if he didn’t do something about it first. He felt restless and tense and generally very unlike himself, and he was desperate to find a way to get this awful feeling out of his system so he could just get back to normal.
The thought of actually talking about what he was feeling had crossed his mind before, but he squashed the idea down as quickly as it had come up. Firstly, the notion that Roman was so pathetically helpless that he had to rely on someone else just to get a grip on his own fleeting, fickle feelings was simply laughable. He may be a pauper’s excuse for a prince, but he still had his pride to protect. Secondly, even if he did decide to bite the bullet and seek out some form of comfort from someone else, who exactly could he go to in the first place? Remus wouldn’t care to listen to anything like this, and Virgil really didn’t need someone else’s problems to worry about on top of everything else. As nice as a supportive hug from Patton sounded, there was no way he could go to him either. He just stood by and let Thomas choose that lying snake over him, actualizing the dreaded fact that Roman had fallen from grace and from Thomas’ favor. Patton listened to Janus instead of him without even trying to look sorry about it. No, there was no way he could talk to Patton about any of this, and he sure as hell wasn’t bringing this anywhere near Janus.
He doubted he could talk to Logan, either. Logan was probably the best side to go to for something like this, he could keep Remus in line without so much as breaking a sweat after all, and he was always capable of solving the other sides’ problems. He always knew what to do, what to say. And yet, Roman knew it was a bad idea. He knew he could stand to be more observant overall, but he could always tell how people thought of him when he talked to them. He had lost count of the vast amount of rolled eyes, defeated sighs, and outright hateful glares Logan had thrown his way. It didn’t stop there however. He had gradually noticed just how stressed and tired Logan had seemed as of late. If Roman came up to Logan and forced him to put his own work aside to coddle and comfort him right now, he’d probably despise him forever. Not that he would blame him.
A particularly loud rumbling from his stomach pulled Roman from his thoughts. He really hadn’t eaten very much today; he had hardly even left his room for any more than necessary. Maybe if he ate something he’d feel a little bit better, or at least be able to finally get some sleep. It was worth a shot either way, so Roman quietly crept downstairs to the kitchen in search of anything that would serve as a semi-satisfactory midnight snack.
And nearly tripped over himself in shock on the last step.
Logan was still up, which in and of itself wasn’t particularly unordinary, as Logan was usually one of the last sides to retire for the night, but he had never expected to see him like this.
He was sitting in the living room with a glass of wine and a plate full of Crofters on toast on the coffee table beside him, but he wasn’t reading a textbook or going over one of his notebooks like normal. He was resting on the floor and working on a crossword puzzle. Weirder still, he was in his unicorn onesie, and as the hood fell back with an absentminded shake of the head from Logan, Roman saw that he was currently listening to something on his earbuds. He looked soft and almost happy in a way that Roman hadn’t seen in a very long time. The most surprising thing of all of this to Roman was the fact that Logan was smiling. It was a small smile, more relaxed than enthused, but it was still an authentic smile. He looked so calm and light and completely at peace that Roman forgot why he had come downstairs in the first place, the hunger in his stomach quickly replaced with butterflies. He had never seen Logan like this before and he doubted he would ever get the chance again, and if Roman were a little more aware of himself right now, he would have slipped back upstairs as silently as he had come before Logan could so much as suspect that he had still been awake at all. He ought to do just that, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the incredible and impossible sight before him, completely transfixed by Logan's smile.
Which is why Logan finally caught sight of him lurking on the stairs and staring at him.
He had merely lifted his head up from the page in a stretch when he froze, wide eyes locked onto Roman's. The smile disappeared in an instant and was replaced with a look of sheer terror. Logan rushed to his feet in a dash, a desperate excuse or plea trying to stumble free from his shaking lips as Roman quickly moved from his point on the stairs to join him, reaching out to calm and quiet him. It didn’t seem to help very much.
“I, um, don’t- it’s not what it looks like. Please don’t say anything, or tell anyone, ever, please. It’s nothing, I was doing nothing, so just forget whatever it is you didn’t see,” Logan said in a rush, changing out of his onesie and back into his ordinary outfit as he stood up.
Roman couldn’t think of anything to say to calm him down right now. He had seen Logan angry, seen him excited, seen him disappointed, even seen him scared and saddened before, but he had never seen him so embarrassed like this. He didn’t know Logan could be this bashful.
“Woah, it’s okay, specs. Don’t freak out or anything, alright? I didn’t mean to spook you like that. I swear I had no idea you were still awake. I was just trying to get a snack,” he explained.
Logan shifted where he stood, eyes darting between Roman and the stairs behind him, as if debating on if he could make a run for it or checking to see if anyone else was awake. Upon seeing that he couldn’t get past the stairs without passing Roman, he quickly took out his earbuds as he straightened his posture and fixed an impassive look on his face.
“Well, I certainly didn’t mean to disturb you, Roman, though I must suggest you try to get some rest after you’ve eaten. It’s rather late, and a good nights sleep is essential to ones health.”
Logan managed to switch from being open and vulnerable to calm and indifferent with such practiced ease that it would almost be impressive, were it not currently concerning. How many times had Logan shut himself down like this for it to be so effortless? How many times had he had to practice this kind of restraint, and how could Roman not have noticed it until now? As much as he wanted to ask, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Roman instead focused on the smaller matter at hand; what exactly was Logan doing out here in the middle of the night?
“Aren’t you awake right now, too?” he countered. It was merely meant to be lightly teasing but going by Logan’s reaction, it must have sounded more accusatory than anything. Logan tensed minutely before looking away, where his eyes fell upon the still open crossword on the floor. He quickly bent down and retrieved it, holding it close to his chest in an almost protective manner.
“What were you doing up so late, anyway?” Roman added, too curious to be courteous.
Logan didn’t answer right away, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Roman couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for making him so uneasy, but right now he was far too interested in what it was that had gotten Logan so defensive.
“… Nothing,” he finally answered.
“Get real, you were obviously doing something, Logan.”
“No, I wasn’t. I was, quite literally, doing nothing. That was the point,” he explained with a sigh. He fixed his gaze on Roman, a steely expression on his face. “Everyone has their own method to de-stress when they find themselves feeling overwhelmed. If I recall, you mentioned how singing to yourself was a coping mechanism you usually rely on. This is mine. Or at least, it was, before you decided to interrupt me. Though, I shouldn’t have been so foolish as to be so open in the common room like this. I assure you I will keep any and all future de-stressing sessions in my room from here on out, so you need not worry about me bothering you like this again.”
 “Logan, you didn’t bother me. If anything, I was just surprised seeing you so tranquil. What all is it that you do when you unlax like this?” he asked.
“What does it matter?”
“Well, I’d kind of want to know what it is that makes you so happy.”
“Why?” Logan asked, and despite the question seeming inquisitive, he asked it with the deadpan, defeated tone of someone who didn’t really see the point in the answer.
“It’s just, I don’t often see you so open like that, other than when you’re around Crofters, that is.” He said, lips upturning as the memory of their duet resurfaced. “And I’m honestly surprised you still have that onesie of yours. I thought you said they were too childish for you.”
Logan didn’t seem to share Roman's fondness for the recollection. He flinched just minutely enough for Roman to notice it before straightening his already stiff posture. “Yes, well, I suppose some habits can be somewhat hard to break. It’s nothing for you to bring up again, especially not to the others. Just leave it alone, Roman.”
“Logan, I’m not making fun of you here-”
“That’s a first,” he retorted with an almost exaggerated eyeroll.
Roman was stunned. “What are you… what do you mean?”
“Oh, please. I am not blind to the unmitigated plethora of mockery and insults you’ve thrown my way. ‘Sub-astute teacher’, ‘Squad-less geek’, ‘Microsoft nerd’, ‘Drama turd’, ‘Nerdy Wolverine’. I know you don’t exactly think highly of me, Roman, and that’s alright. We don’t have to like each other, as long as Thomas is doing well you can hate me as much as you want. It’s fine.”
Roman felt like he had just been sucker-punched in the gut. Every nickname Logan spat back at him was ringing in his ears with the sickening realization that Logan actually thought he meant them. It was all just supposed to be harmless banter, jokes to be lightheartedly exchanged like he and Virgil did. They weren’t actually… Logan couldn’t possibly believe…
“Logan, I don’t hate you. I never meant to make you feel that way, I didn’t mean any of it,” Roman started, but Logan cut him off with a scoff.
“Forgive me for my skepticism, but I find it very hard to believe you right now. I already told you; you are allowed to dislike me. I don’t mind. And I know that tomorrow you will undoubtedly use what you witnessed tonight as additional ammunition for your jokes, but I would still appreciate it if you tried to exercise some restraint. I do have a reputation to uphold, after all. Or at least, I should.”
Roman was speechless. Logan really thought that Roman despised him. He even thought that he would go so far as to make fun of him for finally unwinding like this, as if the mere sight of Logan in such a relaxed state didn’t fill Roman with light. Memories clouded his vision, images of Logan smiling and laughing about something silly, the sweet sound of Logan's singing as he lit up at the sight of his own jam, all of the times when he seemed so eager to participate in something jovial and juvenile. The memories shifted, revealing how many times Roman or the others had judged and chastised him for doing so, acting like he shouldn’t enjoy such things at all, despite it now being clear how much joy they had brought him. Logan had seemed so eager to participate in those light-hearted festivities, but Roman and the others made him feel like he couldn’t even enjoy his favorite food without criticism. He couldn’t even remember the last time he heard Logan laugh or even saw him smile before tonight. Is that why he was out here so late at night? Did he feel like he could only let go like this when no one was there to tell him he couldn’t? All because of the expectations everyone else had about him. How could Roman have let it get this bad?
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, so quietly that he was uncertain if he had even said the words out loud. Logan must have still heard him, though. His eyes widened in surprise, jaw falling open slightly. His arms dropped to his sides, one hand still absentmindedly holding his puzzle book. He shook his head ever so slowly as if struggling to comprehend what was happening. Roman could see denial forming in his mind, as if he were unable to accept what he was hearing.
“Logan, please,” Roman started. He took a breath and proceeded, desperate to make Logan understand. “I am really, truly, sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this. I had no idea how badly it was affecting you, but I promise you I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want this at all.”
“Then what did you want?” he asked, voice low and wavering.
“I wanted to engage with you. Those jokes, that’s all they were meant to be. Just jokes, ones I was hoping you’d return to me. I only meant for it to be witty banter, quips we could throw back and forth. I remember how you looked during that little rap battle thing we did. You looked so excited, so cool, you really seemed to be having fun. Not to mention how impressive it was. I was honestly amazed with how quickly you came up with those rhymes. And I liked having that kind of fun with you, Logan. I wanted to do more things like that with you. You used to smile so much back then, and you were so enthusiastic about everything. Dressing like Sherlock, making all those witty comebacks, even you wearing that unicorn onesie I know you love. You should have been allowed to indulge in all of those things that make you so happy, but instead of encouragement you were met with mockery. All those comments I made weren’t meant to put you down, they were supposed to inspire you to involve yourself in the banter more, to be just as silly as the rest of us. I should have noticed how it wasn’t being taken that way, so I’m sorry, Logan. I never wanted this for you.”
Logan stared back at him for a moment, blinking rapidly before clearing his throat. “Well, I suppose it is good to know that. I will definitely take all of this into account moving forward. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe it is best for me to retire for the night. You should too, might I add.” Logan then moved to the coffee table, taking his things and disposing of them with one final swig of his wine. He worked quickly, shoulders visibly tense even underneath his shirt, and Roman didn’t know if he ought to help him or stop him before he dropped something or hurt himself. He found himself doing neither, too surprised to do anything other than stare as Logan desperately tried to ignore what had been said. After putting everything away as if he had never been there Logan tried his best to move swiftly past Roman, who had been standing near the stairs the whole time. Roman almost let him go, but the urge to ensure that Logan was alright compelled him to act instead.
He reached out a hand and grabbed Logan's arm as he passed, not hard or firm, just to stop him from leaving. Logan reacted as if he were burned. He tensed and violently tore his arm away, taking a few steps back, with his other hand absently rubbing at the spot where Roman's had been. His face was filled with surprise and shock, and Roman was sure he shared that same expression.
“Logan, are you alright? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked nervously. He took a step closer only for Logan to take another step back, keeping that same distance between them. He didn’t think he had grabbed him that hard, but he had definitely startled him at the very least. He backed off instead, granting Logan some space. Some of the tension left him at that, but he still seemed pensive about something. Roman wanted to punch himself in the face. He had only wanted to make sure Logan wasn’t too terribly upset after everything, but now he had gone and broken him.
“I really didn’t mean to scare you like that. I just wanted to… I don’t know. I guess I wanted to comfort you. You looked really stressed and I thought I’d try to help in some way. I’m really sorry.”
“…It’s alright,” Logan replied. He didn’t seem hurt, at least, but something was still weighing on him. “You just surprised me, that’s all. I’m fine. You don’t need to worry, you did nothing wrong.”
Roman wanted to believe him, but he couldn’t help but feel doubt gnawing at the back of his skull. No one would react that intensely to a hand on their arm unless there was something going on. Maybe Logan didn’t like being touched, he certainly never involved himself in any hugs or cuddles with the others. If that were the case, then Roman just up and grabbing him like that could have really upset him, despite what Logan had said.
“I don’t think that’s all true,” Roman murmured. Logan looked back up at him as he said this, but he continued. “Logan, are you sure you’re alright? I get that you probably don’t like being touched, so I get it if I upset you by grabbing you like that.”
“That’s not it, Roman,” Logan explained rather quickly. “You didn’t hurt me at all, I just didn’t see it coming. I suppose I’m just a bit unused to sudden bouts of physical contact like that, that’s all.” He looked away as he said this, almost shyly. “I haven’t exactly been held very much,” he muttered that last part to himself, so quietly Roman had to strain his ears to hear it. Logan hunched his shoulders forward slightly, arms wrapped around each other like he was trying to hold himself in a way no one else likely did. He looked so small like this, so alone, and it made Roman’s heart ache.
Roman had never seen Logan seek out a hug, or any kind of physical comfort, so he always assumed he wasn’t the type of person to enjoy that kind of thing. But the thought of him silently struggling, longing for some kind of comfort but feeling like he couldn’t have it for whatever reason made Roman’s stomach twist and turn itself into knots like a fork in spaghetti. He had to fix this.
“Logan, do you want to be held?” he asked, trying to keep his tone soft and even.
Logan hardly looked up at him, just enough to look him in the eye, before making the tiniest of nods, his face kept as still and solemn as possible. Still trying his best to look serious, even now. Roman wasted no time in crossing the room and pulling Logan into his arms, holding him in as tight of a hug as he could manage. Logan tensed for a brief moment, but quickly eased against him and softly returned the hug. Roman didn’t usually dish out hugs, more often than not it was Patton who started them, but Roman still tried his hardest to put all of his warmth, all of his care, all of his love into the embrace. He felt Logan's heart against his chest, beating rapidly but gradually slowing as he relaxed, and it only prompted him to hug him even tighter. Logan tucked his head into his shoulder with a quiet sigh, and Roman let one of his hands wander up to his head and play with his hair. That got him a small whine from Logan, who only pressed himself even further into Roman. He had no idea Logan could be like this, and he felt both lucky upon getting the chance to see him drop his guard and full of regret at having been the reason he was on guard to begin with.
“May I ask you something?” Logan asked him, voice slightly muffled by Roman’s shoulder.
“Of course,” he answered, voice slightly shaky with emotion.
“Why are you being so nice to me now?”
Roman bit back the tears that started to cloud his vision. Even now, Logan wouldn’t let himself accept this. “Because I realized just how mean I’ve been to you, and I don’t want to keep doing that. I want to be nicer, to do better. And I know it’ll take me a while to get it right, but I want to try. I want to do what I can to fix this, if you’ll let me. I want to see you smile again, Logan.”
Logan finally pulled back, just enough to look Roman in the eye. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, but they sparked with a faint glimmer of hope.
“And don’t worry, I would never want to make you feel ashamed for something like this. As far as I’m concerned, nothing happened tonight at all. Your secret’s safe with me, scouts honor.”
“You’re not a scout, Roman,” Logan replied. He rolled his eyes again as he said this, but this time it was with a fond exasperation as opposed to the scorn from before.
“Maybe not,” Roman said with a grin, “so how about a princes honor? Is that good enough?”
Logan smiled at him, and the dark clouds in Roman vanished. “It’s good enough for me.”
@britt-ish123 @lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie @rougeside4 @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @nico-the-overlord @keitaisghost @can-i-take-a-stab @new-zee-land
22 notes · View notes
meowzfordayz · 1 year ago
Text
WYD Now?
Author’s Note: lil angsty tidbits. Heh. 💔
Tumblr media
WYD Now?
Kamado Tanjirou x Reader, Kanroji Mitsuri x Reader, Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader, Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader, Tomioka Giyuu x Reader, Uzui Tengen x Reader
Word Count: ~1,600
CW: explicit language, musician!Reader
Song Inspo: WYD Now? by Sadie Jean
~faqs~
I know it wasn’t really you though, ‘cause you were always in the front row.
Your heart stutters as your eyes glaze over his maroon shadowed eyes, mussy hair familiar as always, his slender nose crinkled under the scrutiny of your shock. Inhale. Exhale. Tanjirou? His head tilts, lips curving into a shy smile, disbelief glittering in his teeth. No, not Tanjirou. You blink quickly, a fleeting second passing, an entire weight of heartache settling faster than it rose. Focus. Of course it isn’t Tanjirou. How could it be? His eyes are too sharp, hair too thin, and that shy smile… Tanjirou was never shy with his affection. Never timid about letting you into his world. Even after you’d opened your own door instead, and walked through it without him, he’d waited. Waited for you to turn around and ask him, “Well, are you coming or not?” Waited for you to spot him at every show, for you to hold his hand on the car ride home, for you to slowly forget how it felt to fall asleep curled into his side, his lingering heat a faint memory now as the screaming and cheering of your name nudged him aside. Tanjirou. Always happy to make room for you. To listen to you. To you and your music. Your music. Perhaps you think wryly The cost was too high. After all… had he really lost you, or did you lose sight of him?
They’re never gonna be like you though, you set the bar above the moon.
You didn’t think you had a type, until you found yourself looking for him in everyone else. Looking for his loud laughter on a busy Friday evening. For his unmistakable, fiery hair on a somber, rainy Tuesday — something to brighten your way forward. For his soft, large hands, and how gently they grasped your hips. How carefully they guided you through crowded rooms and tiring events. For his gleaming eyes, grounding you when you threatened to float away, chord progressions and basslines melting your ability to take care of yourself, to get enough sleep, to eat enough food, to hydrate throughout the long days. Throughout the even longer nights. Really, you hadn’t thought at all. Hadn’t thought about how much you relied on him, trusted him, took him for granted, until his laughter dissipated, hair disappeared from the warmth of your shoulder, hands stopped reaching for you, eyes no longer sought your tired circles. He would’ve stayed. If you’d thought to ask. If you’d realized he was halfway to leaving. Halfway to gone. But you didn’t think. Didn’t think about how he’d hung the moon for you, or about how you wouldn’t be able to let anyone else take it down. 
And still in my head about seventeen in my bedroom talkin’.
“You know I’ll follow you anywhere.”
Smiling softly, you kiss Mitsuri’s cheek in response, your fingers intertwined as you sit on your bed, laptops, notebooks, a handful of pens, and lots and lots and lots of snacks scattered across your comforter.
“I’m serious,” she murmurs, voice quieter than usual, pink hair tucked behind her ear, “I know you have big ambitions, I know you make beautiful music, and I… I just want to bask in your shadow.”
Eyes widening, you squeeze her hand, almost too firmly, tone firm as you avoid her gaze, “Mitsuri, you will not bask in my shadow. If I cast a shadow, then you’re the light that warms and dissolves me once more. How could you resign yourself to following me?”
“It’s not a choice of resignation!” she protests, frowning now, “I didn’t mean it like that! I just- I love you, and I want to support you. No matter what!”
You scoff, lips pursing in frustration, “Well you should set some boundaries for yourself.”
“I was only trying to compliment you!”
Sighing lowly, you exhale slowly, grip relaxing as you kiss her cheek again, heart fluttering as heat returns to her face.
“I know, Mitsuri. I know. I don’t want you to follow me, is all. I want you to walk beside me.”
“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, “I want to walk beside you too.”
“In that case, just keep holding my hand, okay?”
Even now, you find yourself squeezing your hand into a saddened, empty fist; an unintentional pre-show ritual. A reminder of the shadow you cast. Of the sun that’s no longer yours to bear.
I know you said that I could call you, I wonder if you wanna call too.
“Hey. Uh. I know it’s been ages. I don’t actually know why. You know what. Ah fuck. Shit. I hate this. Can I get a redo? Haha. I mean, of this voicemail. Not our. Gaaah. You couldn’t have just picked up the phone and spared me the embarrassment of talking to myself for thirty seconds? I miss you.”
He listens to your voicemail day after day, too worn down to call you back, but not worn out enough to delete it. He knows a text would be quicker. Painless. Maybe even crack open the door that he could’ve sworn you’d slammed shut. In his face. Until, y’know, you’d called him. And he’d missed it. Missed your call because he’d been walking the same mindless path you’d walked together as kids. When we were younger. He hadn’t brought his phone because you hadn’t had phones back then. Hadn’t had phones or fancy music equipment or record deals or. Damn it. He wants to hate you. Wants to hate himself for not being enough. Not being what you needed, let alone what you deserved. He understands now that music didn’t steal you away from him, nor did you willingly leave him behind. He’d done that. Stolen himself away, then convinced himself that you’d left him. How can I compare?! he’d shouted — the only time he’d ever shouted at you. You don’t you’d whispered And you don’t need to. Giyuu, all I need is you.
“... sorry I took so long to return your call.”
In your faded t-shirt that I’ve kept this long, I still hear you laughin’ when I put it on.
“What’s so funny?” you huff, arms crossed, scowling petulantly.
“You just-” Tengen gasps, “It’s-”, struggling to breathe between chuckles, “It’s so big on you!”
Eyes rolling, you stick out your tongue, glaring pointedly, “But I’m cute, right?”
“The cutest,” he grins, clutching his chest, “Absolutely dashing.”
“I thought guys liked it when their partners wore their clothes,” you mutter, tugging at the collar of his shirt.
“I do!” he exclaims, hands waving frantically to dispel your doubts,  “I like it a lot!” nose scrunching as he nearly dissolves into giggles again, “But it is oversized on you.”
“Well I’m keeping it,” you grumble, burying your nose into its softness, “S’my favorite shirt of yours.”
It’s my favorite too he thinks as he watches you adoringly My favorite person wearing my favorite shirt.
“What are you smiling about now?” you snap exasperatedly, “Do I still look ridiculous?!”
“Of course,” he replies simply, “I love you.”
He wonders if you still have it, if you still wear it, if he’d still fall in love with you if he ever got to see you put it on again. Who am I kidding? he sighs, turning onto his other side, sleep eluding him as it always does — as it always does when he knows you’re performing in his city. In your city. You never stopped falling in love he snorts at himself, eyes squeezing tightly. Little does he know you wear his shirt for every show in the city, wondering if he knows and is too hurt to understand (to understand that you still choose him)... or if he’s too hurt to even know.
You’re still everything I want.
I still love you Sanemi nearly messages you, daily, every day, every damn hour, cursing himself for being such a coward. Surely they’d be dating someone else by now, if they didn’t still love me too? He recognizes the delusion of his despair, the franticness of his obsession, but it’s hard to let you go. It’s hard to forget growing up with, and then growing away from, the only person he’s ever kissed. The only person he’s ever imagined growing old and tired, growing old and happy with. It doesn’t help that you continue to message him. Happy birthdays, happy holidays; painful reminders that he chose to step back from the limelight, unwilling to let you step back with him. I can play smaller gigs, Nemi you’d offered I can make us work. And he’d hated it. Hated that you could do this, that you could do that, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t handle the attention, nor could he handle watching you surrender your dreams for him. But I can handle this he scoffs, dutifully waiting for your Instagram live to start I can handle supporting you from a distance. As if you didn’t know his alternate account. As if you didn’t schedule your main events and interactions with fans around his schedule. As if you didn’t call his brother every so often, maintaining your relationships with those around him in case he ever stopped breaking his own heart — far away enough that you’d never hear it. As if that could stop you from knowing.
4:17AM Sanemi: I still love you.
8AM [y/n]: Wow
8:01AM [y/n]: I hope you got some sleep
12:49PM [y/n]: I miss you
12:52PM [y/n]: I still love you too, btw
12:55PM [y/n]: So you can stop leaving me on read
1:18PM [y/n]: Asshole
84 notes · View notes