#really glad i made a tumblr i’ve met the coolest people

[kinokoshoujoart]

Now I'm curious who is the #1 Rock apologist??

@gymleadercheren whose art i ran into on Fogu which caused me to make a tumblr is the world’s leading #1 rock apologist ! and has gained additional rights for rock:

“i guess i have to reconsider him” - xseed employee

all us Rocklovers together are also #1 ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

[woozi]

Um this might be annoying but your descriptions on that mutuals as svt members was so wholesome! So I thought if you could name your mutuals and say what you like abt them? Your favorite thing about them kinda? Idk I thought it was cute but you don't have to do it if you don't want to ! 💚💚💚

i went through my following list and i think these are all of my carat mutuals/friends <3 i only included those who i'm mutuals with here on this blog, but with that in mind i hope i included the right people/and all of you! if not, i may have gotten confused with your main and sideblogs. :/ i divided this into 4 sections (because that's how i think of them in my head, lol). so, without further ado, here they are in the order of my following list (from the most recent):

caratblr

@leechaerok (mirelle) - mi!! i love how you are always striving to be positive and that this is something you share and extend to other people! you literally remind me of sunshine and i hope that only good things are coming ur way. ily!!

@ohoshi (cora) - cora my naughty (IN A PLAYFUL WAY) friend <3 cora's really fun to talk to and she keeps you on your toes. idk why i didn't follow her earlier (i didnt know i wasn't following her jsdjkdsjsdk). extremely talented!! also love the upbeat vibe.

@soonyoungs (cara) - same with cora, i've been seeing cara around but never got to interact with her until recently! i love how versatile cara is and how she always always always appreciates even the little things. 10/10 would let her visit my home again <3

@wrongnanab (aya) - i get mom/older sister friend vibes from aya and i think it suits her a lot. she’s also not afraid of reaching out and i love that sm about her!! i relate to her a lot and i love how she’s always there.

@junhaoshua (e) - something interesting always comes up every time i speak to e! i also love her initiative and how well she manages her time. she’s really passionate about the things she likes and i love how she can get people to be interested in them too!

@choibeomgyus (kale) - kale has excellent taste! i love her aes so much. <3 her work is particularly right up my alley and i just love how clean looking they are. kale’s also such a sweet friend, and she’s not shy about showing affection. i love her sm!!

@dokyom (izy) - izy’s one of the first carats i first followed when i got into caratblr and i’m so glad to have made that decision! her work always wows me and although we haven’t talked much, she’s one of the people i always look out for in here.

@seohoshi (nele) - nele, my mutual at heart. <3 the way we became mutuals is so funny and memorable to me, and i can’t say that about most people! i really like the way nele presents herself as well. she can have fun while still being collected, which i find really interesting. i think she’s someone who brings stability, but i can’t really explain why i get that from her. <3

@art-hao (carrie) - goddess on earth. so elegant. a literal virgo. i love how carrie doesn’t want to be too invested in one single thing. that being said, she’s multitalented, yet is skilled in each of the fields she’s venturing in. she also speaks what’s on her mind, and i admire that a lot. what can’t this woman do :/  

@svtreasure (kate) - kate is one of the first people i got to talk to here on caratblr! and although she’s not on here that much, i always look forward to seeing her. i feel like i have to protect her like a younger sibling <3

@uriboogyu (lee) - lee definitely has feisty younger sibling vibes which i think is so cute! like carrie and e, she’s not afraid of saying what’s on her mind. lee is also such a go-getter! the future is very bright for this one <3

@smallkore (kore) - i remember first talking to kore after she tagged all 3 of my active blogs in one post, and i thought it was kind of funny <3 kore is super talented and entertaining! i also think she’s super interesting, and i love her strange picture collection. <3

@rq-s (katrina) - katrina is also one of the first few people who i interacted with here on caratblr! she is so supportive and always has a nice word for everyone. even though she isn’t here much, i always like seeing her around <3

@boosbin (isa) - iconic. legend. will kick your ass. my beloved <3 isa is SUPER talented and she never fails to amaze me. she’s also very relatable and is super fun to talk to! idk i’m just really fond of isa lol

@dk-s (zay) - i love zay’s sense of style and her overall aesthetic! she also is really smart and gets really invested in her interests. i love her dedication and initiative!

@scoupsy (dreamy) - dreamy and i haven’t really talked much aside from interactions here and there, but she’s someone i really admire. i love how she doesn’t take anyone’s shit and knows what she wants. she’s really skilled in her areas of interest and takes pride in her excellent work. love that about her!! 

@julyprince (madison) - i was really shocked when madison followed me back because i love her work so much! i love how she is so consistent and dedicated (honestly, the constant 9 sets say it all <3). she’s intimidating at first, but she is actually so nice and likes reaching out!

@xuseokgyu (belle) - one of my treasured moots. belle is literally the seok to my soon. <3 she doesn’t know it, but i was kind of shy during my earlier days in caratblr, and she encouraged me to be myself just because she was always reaching out to me. i see belle as someone who really nurtures and is just a reliable older sister for me!

@haniehae (anna) - also one of my favorites <3 anna doesn’t really need too much words but u can always feel the love from her by her little tags here and there. she’s also super supportive and very appreciative of the little things! anna is such a cute person to have around. i lalso love how much work she puts into caratblr. also an amazing dancer oh my god???????

@jaemtens (kevin) - like dreamy, kevin and i haven’t really talked much, but i always love seeing him on the dash! one of the people i admire. it absolutely blows my mind how he has a phd (about to have one? :D) and that he’s still somehow able to make gifs (BEAUTIFULLY!) consistently. love that dedication, wish that were me!!

@tearsofsyrup (vi) - vi thinking of me and tagging me on cute stuff really just makes me feel so :’>. i love how easygoing vi is and i just feel light whenever we interact!!

@soonhoonsol (chey) - everyone’s bestie!! chey literally is the go-to person on caratblr. idk how she manages to do it but she’s always so nice to everyone and really does go out of her way to make everyone feel comfortable! chey has a special place in my heart, and my stay in caratblr wouldn’t be the same without her. <3

@iiasha (emily) - you all don’t understand how much i LOVE emily. i can’t even explain why i love her i just do. she’s also one of the first people i followed when i came on caratblr and i’m so glad to have met her here on our own personal hellsite. emily’s the perfect balance of smart, cool, and funny (this sentence sounds lame as fuck but idk how else to put it)! i appreciate how much she likes her job and that’s something i hope to also imitate! i’ve said it before but i also really love how generous she is. emily also made my stay here on caratblr very enjoyable and i always love reading her text posts <3 i think tumblr junation would nearly die without her so go thank her rn. (she also spotted me turning full dinonara without me even noticing that i am one so. <3 /mwah/)

@coupsnim (izzie) - izzie gives me calm artsy vibes.  her work is always stunning omg. queen of red lips (and i think it’s so fitting bc it suits cheol the best imo???). ALSO love how much she loves cheol!! izzie’s just a sweetheart. <3 would also support ur 0 note posts, lol.

@kyeomshine (lyns) - lyns coloring queen <3 i looove how clean and cohesive her work always is! she’s also one of the people who encouraged me to stay here on caratblr (although she doesn’t know it!!). and though we don’t see lyns as much nowadays, i still think of her as the resident dk fan <3 one of the memorable people for me.

@heartgyus (rhys) - my sister (dISGUSTANG!!). my enemy. THE mutual to have homoerotic subtext with. rhys is actually my closest friend on caratblr. she’s multitalented, almost all-knowing, and has prettie vibes. i’m not elaborating anymore from here on out because i just know she’s gonna be a little devil about it on the dms. 🙄

@hanwooz (kellie & christine) - one of my absolute favorite blogs! i think of them as one of the constants of caratblr. i absolutely love their posts sm and just enjoy when they’re around!! (and how do ur gifs always look good omg tell me ur secrets pls <3)

@7ww​ (yasmin) - one of my favorite (if not my favorite) gfx maker!! i love how you can immediately tell something is from her because of their trademark look. we haven’t talked yet, but she’s one of my favorite carats!

@mngys​ (sofi) - coolest person in the world. idk why we’re even mutuals i don’t deserve this <3 sofi always has the coolest ideas and i look up to her sm!! i’ve also seen her from the birdie community before i got into caratblr so i’ve been following her for quite some time now, but we became mutuals here!

aes carats

@vixenjun​ (kaya) - another one of my beloveds <3 i always say kaya is funnie and sexie but she really is, and those are always the first words i think of when i’m reminded of her. one of my absolute favorites. a bestie that's close to my heart. <3

@tiddie​ (deniz) - i don’t see deniz posting much about svt anymore, but deniz is one of my first carat moots (i followed aes carats first). this one really witnessed my jeonghan downfall. :/ so funny. is a great friend!!

@bwaldorf (ramasha) - A SWEETHEART!! ramasha and i don’t talk much anymore but when i think of her i only am reminded of good things. i rmb how much she supported my weird posts back then <3 also iconic aes hello???? 

@vernons (oona) - oona and i are literally just vibing here <3 i actually met her from the aes side of tumblr before i got into caratblr (like deniz) and discovered that she’s also a carat! i really like oona’s presence and i just feel like she’s someone i want to protect. <3 also makes amazing pastries. she’s also so pretty!!!!! (i really like ur hair sm i think i’ve said this before lol) a cute friend. would send u things saying ‘this reminded me of u’, and i’d get heart attacks from it jsdjdjksd

@oldbooks (fawn) - my frog friend. i think it’s so cute that fawn shares this agenda with hao <3 also unexpectedly tags you on things and leaves cute little notes/tags that makes me want to :’). sophisticated taste!! also really friendly. ily!!

@scoups (hani) - hani is so friendly and takes really good care of her friends!! i was intimidated of her at first, but learnt that she’s an absolute sweetheart. i love how she’s also giving us sm svt content when she’s around! hani’s a supportive friend that you’ll always find yourself looking for. 

@snwo (joy) - refined taste. funny text post advocate. i love joy’s vibe sm!! i first got to know her when she had a hao url and i was super intimidated of her. now she’s one of my absolute besties! aside from her impeccable taste, she’s also such a great friend. this one always has ur back. ily ms joy <3

@sataemism (sof) - sof literally the funniest person in the world!! i’m always happy to see her and she brings me so much joy. very lowkey chaotic vibe (the taemin and hoshi urls speak a lot abt this lol), and just a very fun person overall!!

birdie carats

@flowerbeom (kat) - kat, like the rest of those in this category, is someone i’ve been following for a while now as i came back to tumblr because of got7. kat and i haven’t really talked much but always interact with rb/s and likes and i love that JSDJSDKJDSJ that being said kat’s tags are always so enjoyable to read. + it’s so funny as well that when we actually got to talking we didn’t realize we had a lot in common! a very generous friend. gave me a yugyeom pc even though i’m literally from another continent. 😭

@tuanzie (joanna) - content queen. i looove how joanna’s work has a trademark look to them! they’re always so gorgeous and smooth-looking. i love how joanna’s able to speak her mind and would not take shit from people. i see her as someone brave, but not too out there! also someone you can rely on to put reposters on hit lists mwah<3

@gotseventeens (belle) - my name twin <3 belle is actually one of the people/reasons why i got into svt and i’m eternally grateful to her for that!! we’ve been talking since i first became a birdie but somehow we both have 0 recollections of our conversations JSDJDKSJKSDJ tumblr wouldn’t be as fun for me if belle weren’t around ngl. i love how she seems to be mature yet you’re also up for a wild ride with her!! she’s my own personal wonu <3

@secndlife (karoline) - i’ve also been following karoline since i was a birdie, but we only became mutuals here! i love her writing so much and i enjoy seeing her lose her mind over hoshi (mood <3)

@defgyus (val) - i often associate belle with val and i think they have a lot of similarities!! val also gives me the mature yet fun vibe. i think val’s so successful and i admire her a lot!! i love her work sm and just love how she interacts with people. very warm and homey!!

more carat moots i haven't really talked to but enjoy seeing on the dash

@emailclub (emily), @kyeomblr (maddie), @joshuahong (bea), @delicatecy (deli), @mintyseoks, @syuperseventeen (nat), @haol (mali), @svtclub (hannah), @cutiejoshi (siri), @chanswu (mandy), @jeonghannie (myrena), @squishy-woozi (kris), @wonwooo (hiba), @rameniji (rain), @cafevernon (ish), @hoshluv, @minghyu (nicole), @mingyiu (katya), @yeol (tat), @dearkyeom (kristy), @seokgyus (kai), @bbaksu (akemi), @1adyluck (sushi), @shineesbag (gen)

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[kaeyasaki]

❝ BITES YOU! ❞

✿ cute lil messages for my besties before i get too busy with exams and forget, because who knows how long everyone’s tumblr phase will last,, dramatic gasp — apologies for typos i’ve been anti beta reading these days as you can tell

✧･ﾟ:* myra *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @luvcre

my pretty kitten, myra chan, i love you even though you like,, l*orio !! we’ve been friends for almost 6 months now, wow so cool !! no but actually i’m very grateful for meeting you. i know we already knew each other beforehand, but i think it’s rad the way we were always destined to meet !! quite literally the tumblr!romeo and juliet experience i say, but im super glad we got the chance to befriend one another and then grow so close !! i love you a unexplainable amount and you’re really special to me !! i’m extremely grateful for everything you’ve done for me, you’re a very genuine and loyal friend and i’m really proud i get to call you someone so close to me. thank you for always being you and taking such good care of me and mina whenever we’ve needed it, i think you’re the coolest and not only are you admittedly funny, but you’re someone who i’ve found so easy to be myself around even when regarding irl situations, thank you for being you and thank you for loving me being me, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* mina *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @jhxyne

i’d love you more if you’d let me date your brother but i suppose i can’t have it all </3 no seriously though, i love you stupidly too and i’m insanely happy and grateful we met almost 6 months ago. you’re on the same wavelength constantly and you’re someone i’ve found so easy to confide in and open up to so quickly. i’ll forever be grateful to you for showing me what a real friendships supposed to be like and helping me feel comfortable no matter what. you’re really cool mina and you’re also really hot >:) you’re undeniably you and don’t let anyone put you in your place which i love. i’m super proud of you for everything you do too, you’re a big deal to me and i care about you a lot. while i’ll always drop whatever i’m doing to rip a bitches throat out for you, i know you’d do the same. you’re extremely important and someone i hold very close to me, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* chloe *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sunasbabie

man you’re really one of my longest friends on here and i appreciate you endlessly. you’ve been with me since before i was ‘mila’ and we clicked so quickly! you became a really good friend of mine in such a short amount of time too which is rare for me because i tend to hold myself back when it comes to really clicking with people but honestly i can and would talk to you about absolutely anything! you were honestly separated from me at birth i’m certain, we’re very alike and different in the same sense and you’re definitely someone i’d cling to irl <3 you’re funny and you’re genuine and i love you a ridiculous amount! thank you for putting up with me for as long as you did and i’m manifesting we one day meet, we’ll definitely end up in some sort of trouble but that’d be expected of us >:), i love you

✧･ﾟ:* val *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @atsuangel

smirks, valicità my beloved, you’re quite literally the epitome of cool. you’re easily someone i look up to and admire whether that’s from up close and after, you’re very real and you’re very easy to talk to. i adore you in every sense and you’re perfect in every sense other than your taste of men (i can fix you :,( pete davidson,, he’s not right for you!). we’ve been friends for a long time now too and i’m very grateful we met, you’re someone very special to me and someone who i’d also sell a kidney to meet >:) not only is your online presence just overall hot, you quite literally are the sexiest too wow oh look! i’m on my knees :) you’re just %+>$# hhh you’re just really cool and i’m really glad i get to call you my favourite worstie! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* venus *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @amourdite

i’m not sure when you’ll see this but venus my gf, i’d lick you right now if i could :) you’re another person i’d lose a limb for if it meant we could meet, you’re so funny and i think you were the first person to see all sides to me. you’ve put up with me annoying you for a very long time now and you’re easily one of my longest and closest friends on here. you’re super easily to talk to and even though you’re sometimes a bit weird >:) you’re overall very well grounded and level headed and i know i can always come to you for anything without feeling like i’m going to be judged. i love you immensely and i’m very thankful for you because we met during my anti social phase when i didn’t really want to make friends or anything so the fact you were able to make me unknowingly change my mind about that is a pretty big accomplishment >:) i’m always here if you need me and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* lexy *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @babymattsun

miss hot girl lexy i love you very very much !! you’ve always been really cool and you’re never afraid to speak your truth and i admire that completely. you don’t hesitate to put a bitch back in their place and you do all that while being hot and funny which is a hard accomplishment. you’re very honest and someone i’d feel so comfortable going to if i ever needed an opinion, like a straight up no bullshit type of opinion because i know you’d be able to give me what you really think without giving me an answer from the perception of someone wearing rose tinted glasses. you’re so real and you’re so you, i love you and everything about you so much and i’m always happy to see you on my dash heather you’re posting content or just shitposting, seeing your url makes me very happy :,) i love you

✧･ﾟ:* hanna *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @s9turn

screams, bye we were destined to be friends i don’t care. you are literally meant to be close to me and i’m so excited knowing that you’ll be coming to the city for uni because all my unis are either in the city or super close by train so i won’t be far from you. you’re insanely intelligent and everything you do is just,, wow. you’re extremely funny too, i love talking to you so much and even when it’s us discussing an actual topic/issue, you’ll still be making me laugh when we talk. we hate the same people and have very common interests, you’re so cool hanna and i’m super glad we met >:) not only are you my literal twin in the sense of us both getting the privilege to attend white tory schools while being poc girls :,) but you also get where the humour etc comes from making it so easy to talk to you about anything. your writing too is so well thought out and whether you’re writing long fics or crack content, you execute everything you do so perfectly i’m quite literally on my knees for you, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* chuu *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @nakizumie

ahh chuu !! i don’t even know where to start with you, you’re literally my comfort person and i love you endlessly !! i still think it’s funny we were both fans of each other and too shy to approach but i’m so grateful you did approach me because you so quickly became one of you favourite people. you’re literally an angel and deserve the entire world given to you, you’re so kind to everyone and just seeing you on my dash makes me happy !! your messages make my entire day and you work so hard too !! you’re literally perfect and i envy those who get to see yo pretty face everyday irl, they’re so lucky to have someone like you because you’re the type of person whose hard to come by often. you’re talented and easily one of the friendliest people on tumblr, we’re all very lucky to have you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* vale *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @iwasumi

vale my love, you’ve kept me so sane on so many occasions and for that i’m eternally grateful. you’ve taken it upon yourself so many times to go out of your way to make sure i’m good and make me smile, you’re someone i treasure and i’m so lucky we met. you’re another mutual who i find comfort in and seeing your posts make me so happy because you too are undeniably true to yourself and you’re always more than happy to speak your truth. i have so much respect for you as a writer and a person, you’re a literal star and we’re all to lucky we have you here. seeing you talk about your selfships makes me intensely happy too, i love the way you talk about them, you’re always so cute about it and mention specific details which i find super special because i can tell you really do care and love for these characters and i envy they have someone like you loving them as much as you do. i appreciate you endlessly and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sophia *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sophiashortcake

your taste in men is always something i have to bring up because not once but twice have you shocked me with the men you end up falling for. it doesn’t matter though, your pretty face makes up for it !! i’m super glad we met even if it was on that stupid discourse night. you know, i was still in awe when i found your initial post about it because not only did you serve such logic, but you also made your post somehow look pretty in the process. again you met me while i was in my anti social phase and had no intentions on making actual friends on tumblr. obviously i had my old mutuals like clara and yelie, but it was nice to have someone a lot closer to my age and we clicked very quickly which is something that doesn’t happen with me a lot. you’re very special to me and i hope you know that. you’re very very kind and while i know tumblr is sometimes heavy and stressful, you do such a good job at keeping on top of things and handing yourself, i envy that a lot. you’re very mature and i think everyone should be more like you including myself >:) i love you

✧･ﾟ:* jae *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @ats4mu

jae, i know you’ve been busy with exams lately and i’m super proud of you for everything you’ve done. i also know you plan to come back to tumblr soon to come catch up so i’ll leave this here for you to find when you come back hottie. miss jae, i love you very very much and i’m very glad we got to meet. you’re very funny and you’re super considerate of everyone around you. you always take the time out of your day to answer everyone and interact with full intention, we’re so lucky to have someone like you on here. i also appreciate you immensely, there’s been countless occasions where you’ve taken time out of your day to make me happy and while it’s undeserving, you always made sure i was good anyway and for that i’m extremely grateful. you’re beautiful through and through and not only are you such a big personality on here, you’re also very talented in the way you word things. i have so much respect for you and am constantly looking up to you, i’m very proud of you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* jake *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @deardaichi

HISSING I LOVE YOU SM </3 no honestly, i’m so happy we met, you have made me so much happier and the fact you knew me even before i became ‘mila’ means you’ve watched me grow as a person and watched my life and dilemmas play out and yet you still stuck around and willingly interact with me. you’re so cool and funny and i’m so mad we didn’t meet before. you’re someone i trust so so much and i’d give anything up to meet you, i’m honestly obsessed with you and everything about you. you’re so kind and welcoming to everyone yet you’re also assertive and don’t take anyone’s shit. you’re literally my twin flame and i’m ridiculously happy we got to meet, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* tina *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @ilyrinjo

ahh miss tina hi !! i love you very much and i’m so glad you’re back !! you were missed for that period of time you left so these past few weeks of you returning have been so nice !! i still can’t get over you were one of my anons before but when you did come off anon i remember us getting along perfectly upon first interaction !! you’re super fun to talk to and your opinions are always very interesting but extremely valid too. you’re someone i could happily go to if i wanted an honest opinion or mature conversation with. you make talking to you so easy and not only that but you’re insanely pretty !! the boy you’re talking to is very lucky and i hope he knows it, he won’t get better than you and i highly doubt any of us will. you’ve got such perfect looks and personality i envy your balance in that have so much respect for you in everything you do. i hope you know how special you are to me and i hope everyone else knows how much you should be treasured because you really are a rarity to this world. i love you

✧･ﾟ:* em *:･ﾟ✧ — @osamuscupid

em !! pretty girl, i’m so glad you reached out to me a while ago !! i love you so so much and your messages make me so happy !! i love hearing all about your day and i love that you feel comfortable with ranting and just talking, i feel as though i’m sometimes a bit too much, but you still reached out to me and talk to me on a daily basis, you’re very special to me and i love hearing about how you’re doing. i care about you a lot and you already know how proud of you i am, you’re always working hard to achieve the things you want and you’re always putting in so much effort too. i look up to you for that as even in things you struggle with you persist with and that’s a mindset that’s hard to find someone with. you’re very special and i hope those around you know how lucky they are to have you, i care about you a ridiculous amount and i’m so glad we met !! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sage *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @miyumiya

omg gf i love u !! you’re so much fun to talk to and your blog is always one of the prettiest !! you’re on pretty much the same wavelength as me and i love you so much !! once day we’ll save megan from pardi and force her to open her eyes, he’s not right for her and she should’ve been our gf from the start >:( okay but asides from that, you’re very easy to talk to and i love interacting with you !! i have so much love and time for you and you’re very easy to get along with !! you’re very talented in the way you write too, so i hold a lot of respect for you as a writer and friend, i can’t wait to keep getting to know you and i’m very thankful we met angel, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* max *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @maadorii

max hi hey hello i’m in love with you but you already knew that. you’re so easy to talk to and you’re so much fun too !! i love seeing you both on my dash and in my notifs, seeing your posts make me so happy and i love seeing whatever it is you have to say. i’d say your writing is poetic and i find that very beautiful, i love reading your stuff and i think you’re great in everything you do !! you’re easily someone i’d call a friend and you became one so quickly too considering i’m not the easiest to approach. everything about you i’m obsessed with and i’m super glad we met, it’s people like you that make me happy i stuck around on tumblr, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sushi *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @velvetfireworks

ahhhh i adore you !! everything about you is just !!! you’re so wonderful and you definitely are someone i’d approach irl if i ever needed directions or something, you’re one of the friendliest people i’ve met and i’m so glad we did !! you’re super special not just to me, but to so many around you and you’re such a rare type of person to find, i’m truly lucky i got the chance to meet you because i’m enthralled with you completely. i look up to you as a writer and a person and i’m in awe of everything you do, you’re an all round great and well grounded person and you’re someone i know i could rely on if i ever needed it. you’re super likeable and i’m so happy we became friends, i love seeing you on my dash etc and wow don’t even get me started on your content. your way with words is perfect and even though i only tend to read for tetsu, reading your other works is a guilty pleasure because while i am loyal to him, your works always have me feeling some type of way, you leave me speechless everytime. you’re wonderful and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* vi *:･ﾟ✧ — @milfvi

i still cannot get over that one, you forgot we were mutuals, and two you didn’t know you were on my carrd,, VI WTF IVE LOVED YOU SINCE MY KUROOSKULT DAYS !! you’re so so funny and i have your post notifs on for that. everything you say is funny and you’re so easy to talk to because you’re so open and i love that !! you’re very special to me and someone i care about a lot, i love you and i’m proud of you for everything you do. your blog is so much fun to look at and seeing you on my dash makes me so happy !! you’re so fun to be around and you’re for sure someone i’d click with well irl which is rare for me to admit when talking about online friends. i’m so glad we met and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* xi *:･ﾟ✧

i don’t want to tag you for obv reasons >:) but i do want to tell you that i love you and while we only became friends in february, i’m glad we did because you’ve quickly become someone i can go to when i need to vent or rant because i know you won’t judge me. i’m really happy you feel like you can open up to me too because that’s something a lot of people struggle with when it comes to me. you’re so easy to talk to and i can say anything judgement free to you and vice versa. i’m literally in love with you and don’t even get me started on your selfship. i’d honestly pay a fat sum of money for it to be officially canon because the way you talk about him leaves me giddy for the two of you, i’m very much in awe of you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* ellie *:･ﾟ✧ — @tetsulatte

pretty gf ellie, i adore you in so many ways. you’re so kind and caring to those around you and i adore your positive outlook. you have such a talent for making such pretty blogs too !! i’m glad we met even if it was just recently, but i appreciate you and everything you do and not even just for me. i know you bring comfort to a handful of people and i see you as the big sister type of figure for sure. i think you’re so cool and i’m super glad you reached out to me because me being the lowkey pussy i am when approaching new people, i would’ve been too shy and would’ve had to settle for admiring you from afar. you’re very much appreciated and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* nayru *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @luvoratomi

nayru !! you make my day pretty much everyday and i’m so thankful someone like you came across me !! you’re so kind and fun to talk to and i think everyone’s super lucky to be able to befriend someone like you !! you’re someone i look forward to interacting with and i promise after my exams are over i’ll be practically living in your inbox, you’re someone i hold close to me and i appreciate you a stuuupid amount. i’m love hearing from you and love hearing about your day and what you’ve been up to, it makes me happy to see you happy so thank you for always making that happen !! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* misa *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @rintaromilktea

misa my pretty girl i hope you’re doing well !! i too, appreciate you an insane amount and i’m glad we became friends !! i’ve loved watching you grow more sure in yourself and confident on your blog, it makes me so happy to see you have good people around you too !! you’re someone i treasure a lot and i’m so glad we became friends !! you’re so kind and you’re always thinking of others. that’s a genuine rare trait to find in someone so i hold you very close to my heart and i’m so thankful we had the opportunity to meet, i hope you’re taking care of yourself angel, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* fyfa *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sweetbakugou

hey fyfa i think you’re so rad >:) you’re literally the coolest and you’re always on the same shit as me, i literally adore you and everything about you. you always get me and i know you’re someone i could always rely on. you’re also really very funny and definitely one of my funniest mutuals, your shitposts have got me in trouble a few times in class from when i’ve read them and genuinely laughed, you’re so much fun and you’re so open and friendly, i’m so lucky we met and i’m so glad we befriended one another. i’m so happy i got to come across you on shitty tumblr and if i ever did leave, i’d definitely be running to you as one of the first people i’d be begging for other social handles to keep in contact with because where else am i going to find humour from </3 you’re so important to me and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* rose *:･ﾟ✧— ✿ @makeusfreefromthisfandom

rose !! i’m so happy you reached out to me because i love talking to you you’re so much fun !! i love that you get to be apart of me finally watching hxh (chrollo is all yours i really can’t with him </3) but not only that, you’ve been someone i’ve always looked up to as a person. you’re so real and you’re so kind and i know everyone around you would say the same. you’re like an older sibling type of figure on here and i love you for that. you’re so open and welcoming and i know you have others best interest at heart, you’re one of the best people i’ve met and i love you

hhh i think that’s everyone, but there’s a lot of people i hold close to me and appreciate even if i haven’t mentioned them on here,, you’re all so important to me and whether you’ve interacted with me once or twice on or off anon, you’ve all been super important to me growing as a person because while i was thinking about it yesterday, who i was when i first started tumblr and who i am now are two completely different people and i’m finally happy with myself :) thank you all so much i love you !!

[katsuflossy]

The Woo population: 2k

We 2k biddies strong today 😭 Thank y’all so much for the love, encouragement, and reactions to my fics and to myself. I really never expected to reach such a milestone but I’m so grateful to get here

Just a lil appreciations to my moots (warning: fan behavior)🥺

@melanimed & @mythiccheroacademia: I never expected to be so close to you too considering y’all were my motivators to join blavk tumblr. Y’all hearts are nothing short of gold and I thank you both for being there when I was self-depreciating and feeling like shit. Y’all really don’t know the impact you have and the positivity you give. Really love the both of y’all 🥺♥️

@myhoodacademia & @mypimpademia: 💀💀 I love y’all too much it’s not even funny. Deadass you guys have to be siblings of mine because we all connected so quick. I love every moments with y’all from going down each other throats to just random soft sessions. Y’all were two blogs I also admired pre-becoming a writer and I thank y’all for being the coolest pair I’ve met.

@lilsparkyswife: YOU omgggg 😭 Even though it’s quite recent that we’ve been really interacting with each other I really vibe with you. Then I found out you were a sag i was like “ofc she’s a sag. She’s INE of the funniest writers Ik” So thank you for being so cool and for being one of my moots 💖 (i also was admiring you before making this blog)

@mrs-atushiro @zombie-kun: y’all are so mf sweet omgggg. Y’all don’t know the amount of times i smile seeing y’all interact with me. You both have such pretty vibes and I’ve made it this far to interact with people like you two ☺️♥️♥️

My anons: I’d dead would hug each and everyone of y’all. y’all made my tumblr experience so nice and I’m like “oh there are people that actually like my personality?” Each and every one of y’all are so nice and thank the universe I haven’t had one hate anon yet so I’m glad to say I love all of y’all

Imma do a lil sum sum 💃🏽💃🏽 for an event and I promise I’ll finish it (that 900 event is being so loud rn) as an thank you gift for y’all ☺️

Thank you guys for everything again 💖💖

[cutiejoshi]

hi guysss 💗 this past month has been kinda hard for me so sorry that I’ve barely been online :( but 2020 is almost over (for me at least- I’m behind ajdhsj) and I wanna show my appreciation for some of the people I’ve met on here!! This blog existed for a while but I only started using it since June so I’m still ✨new✨ but it’s crazy how much you guys have changed my life ahh~ okay so here’s my tiny love notes for you guys 💕

@wonusblind

Deeyaaa!! <3 I’m so glad I met you through the carat anon thing! It’s so crazy how similar we are (soulmaTEs 😌🤚) and we get along so well! Another desi carat whos my age bro I was so happy pls ajdhdj I hope we get closer in 2021 <3 ilyyy!! 💕

@kabira

MANNXX 🥺✨💗 hi it’s been a while HOW ARE YOUU <3 ilysm ahh that carat anon thing was rlly a good thing 😌 you’re so fun to talk to and I’m still sooo glad you were my carat anon- how was that in June omg akdhsk let’s keep talking I’ll spoil you forever with cat pics ✨

@soonhoonsol

cHEYENNE WHAT CAN I EVEN SAY TO YOU YOU ARE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY 2021 😭😭❤️❤️❤️ youre the first friend I made here and I’m so glad~~ I’ll forever be happy that you support whatever I make and always motivate me 🥺💕 literally you made my year and idk what I’d do without you now- I could write a whole essay and how much I love you omg ajdhdj thank you for being in my 2020 and let’s keep talking in 2021 <3

@squishy-woozi

Hi Kris!! It’s been a while since we talked- how have you been :) I’m so glad I met you this year! Your art is AMAAZING and I love talking to you <3 have a great year!!

@all-for-yunhoseok

SANAA HI!! It’s been a while since we talked to but omg we must talk more!! Haikyuu and Kpop yea pls 😌❤️ youre so fun to talk to and you’re so pretty too!! I’m so glad we met this year! Have an amazinggg year !! Let’s get closer <3

@regularhuhhh

MADISONNN HEY 😌✨💕 omg I aM SOO glad you talked to me bc pls I LOVE TALKING TO YOUU!! The haikyuu conversations- AMAZING 😌 AND ALL THE TIK TOKS AJDHDJ I LOVE THEM! I just started s4 so yes pls let’s talk abt it 💗 ilyyy have a great year!!

@lunatens

LUNAAA BFFIE HI ILY💕🤩✨ YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE BESTT im so glad I met you omg ajdhdk a world without luna- not one that I want to live in 😌🤚❤️ I would write a book abt you omf you actually made this year so much better and bearable- and you hype up my dances too pls ur the bestest ever 🥺🥺✨✨ I truly hope we can be friends forever ahh if I ever go to Canada someday Ihopewecanmeet 😔👉👈 n e ways HAVE AN AMAAAZING YEAR YOU DESERVE IT TALENTED ARTIST JOSHUAS SWEETHEART HAIKYUU LOVING BEST FREN🥺💗✨ also you already know but I love ur writing 😌❤️

@hyeri-yah

Hi hyeri! We haven’t talked much but I really want to next year! You seem like an amazing person and you’re so talented!! Hehe I’m so amazed that you bullet journal and embroider! I’d love to try embroidering some day it seems rlly cool ajdhdj and I’d love to watch those anime you recommended when I get time!! Let’s get closer next year!! Have a great year ❤️💗

@minghaosbitch

Katyaaa hi!! Are you still watching Toradora? Hehe I kinda gave up at the first episode so I gotta get to it ajdhdj but hehe you’re such an amazing person! You have the coolest pets omg AND YES YOURE THE PRETTIEST KATYA A FACT 😌🤚💗 have a great 2021!! <3

@bethe-flower

JENN!! Hii!! You- IM SOO glad I met you this year 🥺💗 you make me so happy eheh just positive energy when I talk to you! I’m so glad I met another Kino stan too hehe yes dinosaur kino 🦖❤️ youre messages always make my day!! seriosuly youre the sweetest I love you so much!! Have an amazing year jenn!! 💗✨

@vanillajoshh

Hi Mia!! Omg thank you so much for messaging me this year 🥺💗 I am SOO glad I met you Mia! You’re just the sweetest and AHH UR ART IS SO AMAZING! I love the Shua ones so much! Yes he is beautiful 😌 AND AHH THE PJO HEHE Not me being obsessed with Nico ajdhdjd BUT LETS KEEP TALKING AND GET CLOSER ILY!! ❤️❤️ have a great year Mia!! <3 <3

@baebrants

Hey Hyun!! I thank tumblr for getting us to talk hehe but ty for ur interaction w my blog always 🥺💗 you’re blog is honestly the funniest it makes my day✨✨ thank you so much for talking to me let’s get closer!! Have a great day 💗💗

And ofc there’s so many more people!! Thank you so much everyone ❤️❤️

[ct-offical-sexyman]

21st Birthday

So I turned 21 today. I’ll be real for a second and say that there was a point in my life where I didn’t think I would make it to 21 (or really want to), but it’s amazing how much that’s changed in a few years.  

A big part of the last two years is the friends I’ve made on tumblr. I have this confidence that I never would have dreamed of having when I was a teen. I also realised I was non-binary (after a bit of confusion). I just wanted to take a post to thank people who I’ve come to think of as good friends.

@hughstheforcelou One of the coolest people I’ve met on this site. You’re someone who’s just as crazy about Star Wars as I am and it’s great having someone I can chat with about it. You’re one of my biggest supporters when it comes to my writing and art. You’re an amazing human being. 

@ocfairygodmother I’m not exaggerating when I say that your support towards my ocs has helped my confidence so much. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have found the oc community in the first place. You are one of the sweetest people and you have such a kind heart.

@felicitys-smoaking Where do I start? You’re kind, creative, helpful, and a great friend. Your comments are sweet and give me warm fuzzy feelings. I couldn’t have found a better tumblr spouse.

@wokenhardies You got me to go see a scary movie in theatres for the first time. Trust me; that’s a achievement. Texting with you about ocs is such a delight. I always love hearing fun facts about your ocs. 

@randomestfandoms You a huge help when it comes to keeping myself motivated with asks. Your edits are amazing and look forward to seeing more in the future. 

@scentedpillows We’ve know each other since highschool and I’m glad that we stayed in contact over dms every now and again. Our sessions of Stardew Valley have a been a big help for my mental health, and hope we continue to do it well into the future.

You have all helped to make me feel loved. Even on sadder days I remember the friendships I made and feel better. I'm looking forward to another year of friendship. :)

[goalkepa]

2k followers appreciation post💙

I did the appreciation post when I reached 1k probably a year ago. And I feel like I need to write this again, not only because I keep this as part of the memories but also because I regard it as a chance to show my gratefulness to every single one of you who has become my friends or just simply support me, unconditionally. This post will be pretty long I guess. You can just scroll through as long as you feel annoyed. But if you have time, especially those who I will mention later, I hope you can read it word by word, because you guys really take a big part in my life. Without further ado, let’s get started!

I’d love to mention some *old* friends first:

@thomas-partey :

Probably the one that has been there for me from the beginning of this journey? I always enjoy the time when we have talks, Yerika, about Atleti, about life. You are such a sweet and brave person, who will put all your efforts to reach the goals you set for yourself. That’s what I admire A LOT. Although we didn’t talk that much like we used to, because you’re not online pretty often anymore, just want you to know that I’m still here for you, always. And I feel like I’ll write you a message very soon🙈Thank you for always backing me up. Much love to you.💙

@coolsaul :

Awww Julie my superb French bean out there😍 I still remember when I traveled to Paris, I messaged you about some stupid questions like I was so worried that if I couldn’t find the location of Boutique FFF or if I went there and the store was not open etc. But you were so nice and patient to me at that time, and even now you will still answer ALL the things about Les Bleus and even share your amazing memories (like meeting all those French idiots) with me, which makes me feel so so honored and happy. Oh and not to mention how awesome you are as an Atleti’s fan and how ambitious you are as a beautiful lady. Wish everything goes well there in UK. Much love to you💙

And now here comes some *new blood*. I think I’ve talked to more people after World Cup compared to the time before this tournament. The reason? I don’t know. For me, this needs a lot of courage and I’m extremely glad that I sent the simple “hi” message to some of my mutuals (or few of you sent me first), who are all so freaking nice to me. I wrote the order randomly. In case I forgot to mention some of you, I’m truly sorry. It only means that I’m a dumbass and I honestly don’t know how to put my feelings into words. Anyway, I thank all of you a lot. Here we go:

@niguezsaul :

Needless to say, the funniest Colchoneros I could not ask for. When the game is live and you post your live update, it’s really entertaining. Sometimes it could be hilarious, or just so close to the truth. Your love for Atleti is very valuable and precious. Although I believe you’ve experienced the hardness of supporting this color, you will never give up, right? When the next season comes, you’ll definitely witness our spirit by yourself. Trust me, Karo. You won’t regret for being heartbroken for them over and over again. Much love to you💙

@the-place-to-sparkle :

Let me introduce you a sweet, kind, caring and beautiful lady. Her name is Cami. You’d better write it down. Girl, your love for the things you adore is the purest thing on this planet. Not only football, but also the way you dream of living in your life. On this site, there are too much hatred and negative things. But you are never affected by this. You’re always the one who shares positive stuffs, post some good vibes and reblog all those gentle reminders, which are helpful for those who need, including me. What makes you become such a unique person in my heart, is that you never hide the true side of yourself. This is why all of us love you, Cami. We love the real you and you should never change for anyone. Keep on sparkling✨ my lovely bean. Much love to you💙

@diogodxlot :

Okay so please let me say this again, you are so fucking beautiful ngl (Hector should open his eyes honestly😏) I really really love those locksreens you made, all of them. You have a good taste in aesthetic. I hope I can reach 1% of your level😂 And the thing that you said you cannot choose a single player to print on the jersey? That’s the cutest shit ever, Charvi, really. I hope you get yourself a jersey very very soon. Manchester United owes you one. And good luck to the last exam. You’re gonna SMASH IT. Much love to you💙

@lidah-itsme :

The most gorgeous Italian on this planet goes to…. Teresa🥳 You don’t know how much I love the story behind the name “Lidah”. This is not only such a cool thing but also a meaningful way to represent yourself. I love it. Also your love for Liverpool and Trent amazes me every single day. You’re such a nice fan, only focus on your team in a positive way. That’s what we need on this site✊🏻 By the way, I remember you love Eden Hazard, right? Maybe we should talk about how this happens, privately👀 Much love to you 💙

@draxla :

So, Nathália, my Atleti’s and Chelsea’s mutual. Becoming part of the Blues is not in my plan but here I am. And I’m so glad that there is someone who can experience the pain with me🤣 We haven’t talked too much, but I like you and your point of view. Your thoughts are so close to mine most of the times. I feel grateful for that. At here, there are too many different opinions and finding a person who thinks the way we do is such an awesome thing. I believe you can feel it too. Thank you so much for being my friend. Hope our teams still stop disappointing us for the rest of the season🙏🏻😂Much love to you💙

@erikscn :

Let’s first talk about the Gremi thing, joking😜 But this is probably the reason why we started our conversation. So, I guess, thanks to that😂You’re talented in writing. Your work for my boy Paulo is such a beautiful masterpiece. Promise me that you will never stop showing your talent, alright? What I adore you the most, is your personality. Those stories you told me give me clues about which kinds of person you are. And this IS the Greta I LOVE😌 Don’t ever feel that you’re dumb or not good enough. Being who you truly are is the reason why you’re on this post, and he knows it too! Much love to you💙

@holdmyhopeinyourhands :

First of all, thank you for being my coolest mutual askjsanjkn🙈 I honestly never saw anyone shares their deepest thought of players like you do, Mona. Those post you dedicated to specific players are enjoyable to read💞 And your love for PSG and Roma is the most supportive I’ve ever seen. They are lucky to have a fan like you. Never stop doing what you’re doing, including writing the umbrella academy fanfic. You have the rights to decide how to manage your blog and I’ll support you no matter what✊🏻 Much love to you💙

@avsensio :

Who is the funniest person on this site? Lexi. Whose posts always make me choke? Lexi. Who is the master of using memes? Lexi. I’m not going to give more clues about how awesome this girl is🤷🏻‍♀️ I still remember our first talk. It was an unforgettable night for me. After time goes by, we found out so many mutual points, like we are both March baby, our love for France NT and we both adore Lauv’s music etc… the things we share really cannot describe by words🥰 And remember you told me to not stop what I’m doing, to not affected by others? Your words sill impact me nowadays. And now it’s my turn to tell you, do not fucking change yourself for others. Yea it’s impossible to let everyone like you but you will always have my support. ALWAYS✊🏻Much love to you 💙

@fcsonny :

Nicole💞✨ Can’t believe we met on tumblr when you were at Taiwan. I noticed you because you reblogged my post of the football journal and said you are able to understand the content. My first thought was like “oh shit there are people who can understand what I’m rambling in the journal😱” and then I thought “wait you speak Chinese?!?!?😍” so we talked and this is honestly one of the coolest experience ever, not to mention how nice you are to me. Thank you for that and next time when you visit Taiwan for the fourth time, message me in advance so I can show you around👌🏻 Much love to you💙

@paudybalas :

I’ll never ever forget that you came to my ask box and told me I’m the reason why you decided to create a football blog😭That was definitely one of the warmest compliments ever happened in my life. And you know what? You’re meant to become an awesome football blogger. I may inspire you but you are the only one to make your blog perfect and honestly, I feel like a proud mom🙈Those gifs you made are art. Those personal stories we share with each other will forever be part of the memories in my heart. You inspire me as well, Ellie🥰Thanks a lot. Much love to you 💙

@football-laeli :

Don’t want to sound dramatic but you are absolutely one of the sweetest human beings here🤧 Positive vibes only, always trying to convey some good energy and that’s amazing, Janna. Also, I’m so glad that you decided not to hide your support for you club Ajax anymore💞You changed for your boys, is there anything more powerful than this? I guess none. You’re such a sweet lady, and I wish one day all these good things you give us could all go back to you, because that’s what you deserve😉 Much love to you💙

@disappointment-fc :

So, you are a special person to me. First, you support Real Madrid and you once tried to convince me to love Sergio Ramos😂 This...is honestly quite cool and you are a nice madridista, which surprised me the most najksjnjas🙈 Second, you like Jeremy Lin (right?). Please take care of him🙏🏻Third, you are my kid and I’m your mother. You never go to bed on time, which means I could spend more time talking to you so I’ll try not to ask you to sleep early in the future👀Anyways, you’re one of the few that sent me messages first and have always been nice to me since then, including encouraging me when my team falls down. That’s the kindest gesture I could not ask for more. Thank you, Chloe💞✨Much love to you💙

@theblxefox :

I’ll never stop saying how much I thank you for inviting me join the Chelsea family👀🤧 Without you, my love for Kepa would just remain the original level (now it’s unstoppable😏) I love the way you deal with Chelsea’s disaster, being sarcastic but the love is still strong. Also, on this site, you not only care about football, but also global issues, sometimes even political aspects. You are not afraid of speaking your thoughts. Meanwhile, you stay respectful and let others convey their opinions. We need more people like you, Tommer🙏🏻 You’re that kind of person I dream to become. A kind of person who is beautiful both inside and out. Much love to you 💙

@footballgotmeoncrack :

The only person I already met in real life before having a talk online✨ This is not a coincidence, Angie, I always believe it’s not. The story happened between us is the most unique, ever. I remember you because you were nice to me at the stadium, and you are still nice to me, every second since then. Your love for goalkeepers, like Hugo, Gigi and Iker, is so pure and strong. I could not quite understand why goalies needed to be loved before I also become a fan of a goalkeeper. That’s why I admire you a lot, because you already started to protect the most important and underappreciated role on the pitch✊🏻I’m so glad that you’re able to see your team Spurs this summer. I’ll pray for you to get Hugo’s autograph or even a chance to talk to him🙏🏻You deserve it, my bestie. Also, good luck to your studying in advance. Much love to you 💙

@madtimer :

My beloved Taiwanese mutual here🥳 It’s hard to find a girl who loves football in Taiwan. That’s why I feel grateful to meet one here, not to say how sweet this girl is. Your love for BVB and Milli reminds me of my love for Atelti and Grizi. They are quite the same. Being disappointed but we never give up on them, right Lisa? And all those gifs you made, the way you support your team, is something I want the most from a football fandom (tho I still haven’t download PS because I’m too lazy skajnskj) also you are the one that writes journal related to football, like print some players’ photos and puts some thoughts on it, which makes me so happy because I’m not the only weirdo doing this👀 Anyways, thank you for always being there for me when I need someone to talk in Chinese😜 Much love to you 💙

@hazantowifey :

Potato’s wife, sometimes I really want to punch your face when you said cruel things about football but sadly😂 I can’t, because those are the truths, and you help me accept it. I will never forget that day you commented below my post saying that I’m important to you. Like, I’m shocked because we didn’t really have a lot of conversation but you already regard me as your friend. I still can’t believe it really happened to me😭 You can never make me mad, because you always know how to make my heart go like “aww” by sending me Kepa’s gifs🤦🏻‍♀️ And I HATE you for that. Hope one day we can meet in real life. Maybe go to THE 1975’s concert or a football match, Belgium vs France, so you can wear your Hazard’s jersey and I can wear my Anto’s jersey😜 I’ll look forward to that day to come. Much love to you💙

@leroysanei

My dearest 🐰 , the one that sent me messages first when I need it the most. An important person who always knows how to cheer me up. A person who will send “good morning” to me. A person that truly regards me as a real friend in her life. You take a big part in my heart, 🐰. No one can replace you. Your kindness is the reason why I opened my heart again, to make me believe that there are people I can trust on this site, to make me believe there is someone who will understand my feelings even tho they didn’t know me before🙏🏻 Except for talking about football, I love the time when we share our lives more, oh but maybe also when we are pouring our love for Kepa janskjnskdj🙈wow I really drag you into it I’m 👀 so proud of myself. Your reaction when you said you wanna dance with him in the rain, gosh this is the cutest thought EVER (oops I’m exposing you again 😬). You’re such a clever, independent woman. You’re much more amazing than you expected. Anyways, 🐰, thank you for becoming my best friend in life. Much love to you 💙

For the last one, it will go to my forever soulmate @footballffbarbiex

The one that joined me from the beginning of this journey. The one that has saved me from depression over and over again. We have been through many hard moments and shits together, which others will hardly understand. There are a lot of times when I only sent you a simple sentence, but you got it all. I don’t really have to explain anything you just know me too well. I don’t know why I’m so lucky to meet you in my life, to have you as a friend, a family. Besides being my soulmate, you’re a blessing to this fandom. First, I love your writing, a lot. You have to admit that you’re so talented at this part. That shhhh seires? Masterpiece. That Kepa’s one shot? Masterpiece. I won’t go on for the smut ones because that will expose myself ajsnjnaksjn😜 Second, you have a great interaction with your readers. You listen to their opinions, talk to them and always being so nice. We should all be grateful for those beautiful works you’ve provided to us. Third, you always care about our feelings and always being so respectful to everyone. You deserve love and love only, Amy💞 Words will never be enough to describe my thankfulness. But meanwhile I’ll never stop saying this, thank you, for being one of the most important people in my life. I’ll love you forever and ever💙💙💙

At last, thank you all those who came to my blog and left some sweet, kind messages. Thank you all for liking my stuffs, giving me encouragements or sharing your thoughts with me. It literally means a lot to me🙏🏻

It’s such a pleasure to be on here and I sincerely hope I can bring more joy and positivity to all of you in the future 💙

Love you guys so much,

Steffi

[vixenfur]

In the mood for more positivity around! Tell us how much you love your friends and how they have made an impact in your life!

!!!! I love this!!!! OFF I GO!

@zeta-jane - Zeta, you’re unlike anyone else I’ve ever had the chance to know. You’re filled with sarcastic remarks and random facts and you never fail to amaze me, make me laugh and teach me new things (sometimes all at the same time). Your writing skills are phenomenal and it’s always so much fun writing with you. Even if I take ages sometimes to get a project rolling with you, believe me I really enjoy myself the entire time!! :D Thank you for always being honest with me and never sugarcoating stuff, I need realism in my life more often than not xD Thank you for being a constant force in my life and being true to yourself above all. Seeing your bold personality and mentality grounds me a lot and I really love that about you!!

@yuudefensesquad - my DAWTER. my precious sunshine child. You have made me soso happy and I hope you can say the same about me. I feel like we’re on the same wavelength and we understand each other a lot. Beyond quoting the same vine at the same time or sending the same/similar memes to each other, sometimes when you talk about your experiences it feels like listening to myself. I feel really lucky to know someone like you and I absolutely adore what you create. You’re so amazingly talented and sweethearted and I want the best for you.

@crazyloststar - AAAAAH you’re just incredible. I’ve always seen you as one of my closest friends in fandom, and at the same time I look up to you. Not only in terms of your writing & the things you create, but just your attitude on things, from your own personal struggles to your advice for my own problems. I really strive to think more like you, and thanks for always being reasonable and truthful with me!! and of course, thanks for all the laughs and fun times!! I find it hard to stop smiling when we talk!! :D

@absolute-exclusivity - omg girl. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you’re in my life. You are so full of energy and joy and sunshine that it’s impossible for me to be sad anymore after talking with you or seeing your smile. Spending time with you during my abroad experience was so worth it every time and I miss you tons!! All the laughs we shared and more–I will never forget them. Most of all I love your outlook on life. Even when things get rough, you motivate yourself and power through. You don’t let yourself get dragged down no matter what shit is thrown at you and your strength is so admirable. Even in your most painful moments you find a way to see the light and I love that about you. Just know you have a shoulder to lean on when you need it– I’m right here for you. Thank you for being in my life.

@ Feli even tho she’s not on tumblr - girl !! you are the most cursed fuckin person I’ve ever met LMAO but honestly thank you for all the laughs. You crack me up constantly!! but more than that, thank you for being there for me. We’ve only gotten close as of lately but I really enjoy talking with you & I’m glad to know we’re both the same level of filth™ as each other XD Your advice is really helpful to me personally and I hope I can be a help to you, too! Rock on girl & keep up that amazing art and writing talent you’ve got going. You’re incredible and never think otherwise.

@balefulvengeance - You are soooo sososososo COOL and I am so freakin thrilled to be your friend. I’ve always admired your art and writing and cosplay, and I can’t say how excited I am to cosplay with you coming up!!

@anyonguk - you are so incredible!!! We met so long ago but both of us have changed and grown so much. Despite our interests going different directions, I’m still so happy that you remain in my life & spread your loving, positive energy. You’re so full of happiness and joy even during the hardest times and I really admire how you get through the hurdles in your life. Even when things seem bleak you find a way to pick yourself up and carry on! But you don’t do it alone– you let us friends help you and support you and I think the fact that you can rely on us is really amazing. It’s so good that you know when to reach out and how you want us to help you. I’m so honored to be someone you can turn to.

@ Kris, who’s tumblr I also can’t find atm - girl!!! You are so so full of love. Your posts always bring a smile to my face and I absolutely love the energy you have. You’re always out there wanting the best for this world and it’s so admirable. Your drive and motivation to stay positive and be the best person you can be is amongst the strongest I’ve ever seen in people. I appreciate your memes, your creations, and your kind words in rough times. I hope my words can comfort you too. You’re doing great & I want nothing but the best for you!!!

@just-another-dream-about-yuu - Hey girl I know we don’t talk a whole lot one on one but I am so so happy to know you. You have the best attitude imo, always being your best self and doing what you love. You’re unashamed to be who you are, to express yourself how you want, and to do what makes you happy!! I may not always understand what your posts are sayin but I LOVE seeing you out with your friends and smiling and enjoying yourself. I Love your art SO MUCH even if it isn’t always OnS, I adore your style and always have. I love your enthusiasm and you’ve always, always made my fandom experience so, SO worth it. Thank you for being you. Keep it up!!!

@ Theo who also might not have a tumblr idk - Again we don’t talk a lot one on one but you’re so freakin sweet!! I don’t even know how to explain it!! You make me so very happy; your art is so soft and though you might have parted ways from ONS, I’m so happy you still wanna be friends & stay close. I am excited to see your creations from now on while treasuring what you’ve given the fandom. Most of all, thanks for being such a bright person in my life! When I think of you I think of sparkles and smiles, so thank you for always being so positive and fun to chat with!!

@seraph-star - you’ve done so much for me and you probably don’t even know it!! Everything from your fanart, your posts and your comments on my works have always left a huge impact on me. I hope we can become closer friends because you really rock and I adore your edits, your art and everything else you create. You’re so inspiring to me and I love seeing your story & what you’re up to. I wish we lived closer so we could hang out cause man I think it’d be so much fun!! :D Keep up the amazing work and keep being you. You’re one of the coolest online friends I’ve had the pleasure of meeting!!

@weirdfairytales - I MISS YOUUUUU! yo i Know life be that way but I think about you lots. Not only your amazing fics but just chatting with you– its been far too long and we gotta catch up soon. You’re so freaking awesome and unique and I love our convos, our deep talks and the times when we meme each other into nothingness XD you’re doing so many cool things and I am cheering for you always, even if you’re not aware of it all the time. Keep being amazing girl and I’m here when you wanna chat.

shoutouts to Gia, Helen and Angeru for being the coolest beans ever as well ;) though we aren’t as close I still appreciate you guys!!!!

THERE’S SO MANY PEOPLE I LOVE AND WANNA SHOWER IN LOVE but I kept it to this group for now. you’re all so great and I took this ask and ran with it. I hope it brought a little smile to your face if nothing else. This isn’t for anything in particular, & don’t feel obligated to give me a long response or anything!! this was just a chance for me to express how much i love and appreciate you all.

[cubedcoffeecake]

Fanfiction Writer’s Appreciation Day

When I saw some other people making posts screaming positivity into the void of Tumblr, I knew that I couldn’t rest until I had too.

I don’t have near as much time to read fanfic as I used to, and I can’t remember the last time I regularly read fics that were longer than drabbles. If I read a long fic now, it’s solely because I want to see more by the fic’s author, and I want to spam all of their works w love.

In fact, my entire involvement w the fandom community has changed a lot over this calendar year: I’ve begun to actually interact w other creators and fans in the community, and that has come to be the most important part of fanfic for me. I’ve always loved the content, that’s what brought me here, but I’ve stayed for the people I’ve met and friends I’ve made.

So! This is a fairly-inclusive list of a WHOLE BUNCH of authors that I love and why I love you. <3 <3 In the spirit of Fanfic Writers’ Appreciation Day, here we go!

There is no one I can start w besides my irl best friend @strangenscary. Hanged Man convinced me to get a Tumblr, first off--I wouldn’t know any of you guys if she hadn’t talked me into that. And she’s also the reason I read Harry Potter! And, beyond just being a fantastic friend, she writes really awesome Kpop drabbles (that you should 100% check out if you like Kpop fandoms).

Then, next in the chronological order, is @jbankai89. I found their fic I Will Save Myself while searching for really angsty fics and have kinda been along for most all of the ride? The fic just ended a week or so ago and I rec it wholeheartedly--it’s got one of the best journeys through mental health healing and learning how to work out a relationship of anything I’ve read. I’m really glad I got to follow along w it!

I made a personal resolution to start commenting on fics and interacting w other authors about halfway thru I Will Save Myself. It was this decision that gave me the courage to leap into HP’s corner of Tumblr this past May, and by asking into Drarry fests I met @lettersbyelise! Elise is a beautiful lovely human being and I’m really glad I know her now! She introduced me to the Drarry Discord, which is how I met most all of the rest of you guys I’m about to rec.

@drarrymylove... Jeni is absolutely fantastic. I actually did follow her and read all of her everything before joining the Discord, and I was over the moon to get to interact w her. I beta’d her Drizzle and was internally fangirling so hard I had to take a break and chill out. You’re a super cool and special person I’m really glad to have met!!

@xx-thedarklord-xx is a fandom giant for really good reason. All of Sam’s fics are literary gold. She beta’d a drabble for me a couple months ago and I was starstruck, remembering spending long nights binging all of her fics. The Flower War fic was the first one she wrote since I’ve been following her and it’s one of my absolute favorites. If you’ve never read her stuff go find her!

@aibidil I’ve never interacted w much but seems like the helpful Mother of the Discord. She swoops in to save the day all the time and I’m always amazed. Not to mention her fanfic is incredible.

@l0vegl0wsinthedark, @goldentruth813, @snortinglaughter, @erin-riwen, @lqtraintracks, @carpemermaid, @synonym-for-life, @violetclarity, @bixgirl1, @writcraft, @parkkate, @harryandhislittledragon, @foularcadebanana, spookywoods and tari_vilya are all really cool peeps I know but haven’t interacted w enough to tell you specific awesome things about them, but they’re all great too! And their fic!!! All of their fic is entirely worth your while to check out!!

@drarrytingz, @ladybraken, @yosoylaborinquena, @gnarf, @unicornsandphoenix, @restlessandordinary, @slythrns-heir, @maesterchill, @breathofmine and @ununquadius are all fantastic people I’ve met thru beta’ing. Either I beta’d for them or them for me. Betas are such a huge huge part of fanfiction and such important people to writers I wanted to give y’all you’re own paragraph, but a number of you I’ve also gone on to get to know some of the best out of all of my online peeps!

ununquadius, goodness, I always get super excited when I see that you’ve written something! Every time! And even more when I get to beta it! <3 <3 We have, like, an actual author-beta thing going on and I think that’s the absolute greatest.

drarrytingz, gnarf, yosoylaborinquena, y’all are so nice and supportive and I love seeing you guys in my dash!!

@slythrns-heir deserves more accolades than I can come up w--from beta’ing to just generally appreciating authors and fans SO MUCH and doing so much for us and the community--you’re an absolute gem. <3 <3

@call-me-hopelesss is an awesome writer and I’ve been slowly chipping away at their Ao3 works for several weeks now, but that’s not what I think is the coolest, most mind-blowing thing about them. They leave some of the best comments I’ve ever seen, and they leave them all over!! I remember reading thru HD Birthday Bash and being really touched by how they’d left a really thoughtful comment on every fic. That kind of support is amazing, and you just blow me away. <3

@doubleappled, @nifflers-n-nargles, @llap115, and @harryromper are really really cool mutuals who I’ve really noticed thru fests. I always get really excited to see them on an author list for an anon fest, or commenting, or anything! They’re all as awesome as their works, and you should totally go check them out too!

But all of these peeps have been Drarry Discord peeps!! A few weeks after joining over there, I also joined the Tomarry Discord. As much as I love my Drarry friends my awesome Tomarry friends are a lot louder and talk a LOT so I really kinda know them a bit better.

@mirandaflamel, my wonderful owl wife, all of my love to you and your beautiful stories. @kuffymik, you and Meb terrify me just a little and I occasionally flee from your convos, but your writing is fantastic and I love you too. Same goes to @lord-of-the-snakes, tho I actually think I’ve known you the longest and that you’ve staked a place at the very very bottom of the Tomarry pit, so everything I said to Mik tenfold, really. @nencenedril, you sometimes seem to be the sane one and sometimes surprise me with how unusually creative you are. You’re really cool. <3 @cybrid, I followed your fics way before I realized that was YOU, and then I squeed a lot. But! You’re a fantastic author and mod and I’m really happy you stick around and join in on our insanity. I send my love to all of the other lovely writers I know on the Tomarry Discord whose Tumblrs I don’t know. (A special thx on this special day to Itsy’s perseverance w all of us)

@batsutousai gets a paragraph. If you’ve never read anything by Bats, you really really should stop everything and go read some of Bats’ fic. Any of Bats’ fics. They’re all legendary and deserve odes to be sung to them. I’ve held it in for this long so I might as well reveal that I’ve actually genuinely been following Bats since 2015, way before I knew anything about Harry Potter, bc her Marvel fics are also fantastic. When I got into HP I remembered that she’d also written for that fandom and went and read all of her stuff and that’s genuinely how I fell into the Tomarrymort pit. (thx Bats.) SO yeah, again, go check her out!!!!

While we’re on Marvel, @veliseraptor is someone I don’t think I’ve ever had the guts to speak to, but she is an utter legend as well and is rather solely responsible for the Stoki ship. I’d suggest giving her works a try if you don’t mind being pulled into a new ship--bc I would bet money you can’t read Lise’s works without getting pulled into Stoki, they’re so good. Kudos to a fandom goddess over there.

Back to HP, @asexual-lovegood and @rose-grangerweasleyisbae are my two all time favorite Tumblr drabble writers, so if you can it’s totally worth it to check them out. All of their stuff is gold. All of it.

To close up my really really long Author Love post here, I present to you Lomonaaeren, @renderedreversed, and wynnbat, who I’ve also never spoken to but when I try to think of mind-blowing, I-can’t-put-this-down fics by people I don’t really know, these are the three authors that come to mind.

.

So! Lots of love to everyone! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Fandom community is brilliant and amazing and you awesome authors are a huge part of what makes us exist. Thank you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[meggannn]

writer’s interview

from @thunderheadfred who was kind enough to tag me in her interview here :D

Q: What is your coffee order? i don’t drink coffee! at starbucks i usually get a strawberry acai with lemonade, or hot chocolate, or a frappuchino.

Q: What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done? i was in a town parade when i was a kid. i’ve lived a pretty average life.

Q: Who has been your biggest mentor? a lot of fandom friends have been social and writing mentors, even if they didn’t know it.

Q: What has been your most memorable writing project? i don’t know if i could pick one. ‘down girl’ is probably a landmark in my memory so far just cause it’s something i don’t normally do (serious plot), and since i’m not done with it, it still occupies a large chunk of my writing brainspace and gdrive. buuuut after recently finishing ‘@heyitsspiderman’ which became its own weird beast, i’m really proud of that for being something different and i’m proud of myself for committing to what made it different; i think it made the fic bigger and better. it’s the kind of thing i’ll be glad to have made in five or ten years, even though it took so much extra work.

Q: What does your writing path look like, from the earliest days until now? i don’t remember writing in elementary school, but in a confused and muddled order, i remember the following during my preteen years

posting a really dumb self insert og fiction on deviantart and the only comment i received was crit so i gave it up

writing a now vaguely remembered harry potter fic on harrypotterfanfiction.net which involved harry falling off his broom during a quidditch practice. and malfoy was involved i think

writing my first Real Fic, a pirates of the caribbean jack sparrow/oc thing (the first of many) which i forced my friend to read in 7th grade spanish class to which she wrote back in my notebook “you so are strange but this is really good.” while potc was my first Interest and i made some friends, i was mostly a lurker, and still very very underage and unprepared for some things, namely like not understanding what fic ratings really were or why they were there, and unintentionally reading my first smut fic, which was. quite a shock at the time

i joined my first Real Fandom in high school (yugioh) where i met a lot of other fic writers (yugioh ficcers tend to write for a million animes so even if they weren’t particularly good at it, they wrote A Lot, and that was the same thing to me). this was where i learned to think of writing as a craft instead of just kinda spitting words out at the page.

after that i think was the legend of korra a little after i joined tumblr, and the rest is history per my ao3 account.

Q: What is your favourite part about writing? having finished the part/chap/doc i’ve been working on. even knowing it’s shit, having finished anything at all.

Q: What does a typical day look like for you? 8am: gotta get up, gotta get out, gotta get home before the mooooorniiiiiing cooooomes  8:30am: crawl out of bed 8:50am: die walking into a basement stairway on the way to work reset back in bed 8am: gotta get up, gotta get out, gotta get home before the mooooorniiiiiing cooooomes

Q: What does your writing process look like? some fics start as vague notes but most start as fully-formed ‘scenes that could be cool’ that eventually trigger other interesting scenes, and then the motivating force forms around it. i write the scenes down as i think of them which is why i have a million half-formed ideas scattered across my iphone and macbook notes. the interesting ones get their own gdoc.

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve gotten? if you want to write, read.

Q: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned? your gut is usually right, except when it’s wrong, which is why beta readers and brainstorming friends are invaluable.

Q: What advice would you give someone who wants to start writing?

just because a trend is popular doesn’t mean it’s good

go with what’s right for the story. try to find the guiding needle that points north and follow it as far as you can. it’s ok if the needle switches direction, or disappears for a while and reappears somewhere else later. it’s all part of the process, and that’s why we write drafts

find someone you trust to be honest with you to be a beta. usually i send my stuff to 2-3 friends for different opinions because i know they’ll all pick up on different things

commit to your POV, but keep in mind that while you’re committing to your POV, everyone else has a world going on inside their own head, and the world does not center around POV character. i am NOT saying to restrict yourself to one POV if that’s what you want, i mean remember that whatever or whoever your POV is, they are limited in what they can do and perceive and the universe should treat them like they are a random NPC

this isn’t really advice but personally my two judgment touchstones are usually 1) characterization and 2) wordsmithing. I can forgive a lot — meandering plot, okay dialogue, simple diction — so long as the writer can string a sentence together and the characters feel like real people (or at least real versions of themselves). i’m NOT saying to only focus on those two things, but knowing that that’s what i value has definitely helped me understand what kind of writer i am

lastly and most importantly: that empty word doc isn’t gonna fill itself

[dissimulxte]

It seems unlikely that SO many people would get SO lost, and yet, here you all are.

Goodness gracious. I can’t even begin to say everything I should, but the bottom line I’ll stick with is thank you guys so much. I’m the queen of spotty activity and a meme mom for the ages, so I count my blessings that even some of you are willing to put up with me, let alone the number of real friendships which have been borne out of my time with Mari. And holy shit!! thank you!! for supporting my trash girl; queen of the garbage! honestly, when I was first making Ri, I never expected her to take off-- I was pretty resigned from roleplaying after some of my long-time writing partners moved on from the scene, and made my sweet lavender girl on a whim (like all of my other daughters, cough cough). I could never have anticipated how much she would mean to me, and the connections she would open up.

So thank you all, really. You’re the reason I’ve kept coming back, and I don’t intend on going anywhere anytime soon.

...but. I do have some favorites-- I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I don’t, y’all know anyways-- so I’m gonna take a few seconds to talk about them and then pour the rest of my love out in some shortlists.

                                                          Straight from the Vault

                                                                  My treasures. My beloveds. The gems in the crown.

JPP ( @valorandheart , @seeliesoldier )

                     As I’ve voiced before, including recently, and will continue to: you are... the sunshine in my days. Any time I see you on, or see you in my activity, I’m just filled with such a pure joy; like, I can count on one hand the number of people whom just the thought of can make me smile, and you’re definitely one of them. Jamie, too, is one of the most delightful characters I’ve ever met, and to his credit, he handles Mari with more grace than many (even if it comes at the cost of some potent anxiety). Both of you make me so happy, and I love you to pieces.

MIK ( @7hits , @jcllyfisn , @lcgion )

                    My! beautiful! bean! you are... one of the most talented people I’ve EVER come across; and we first met so LONG ago, my goodness; back on Hes’ original blog. Bedivere laid the foundation and I’ve loved every creation of yours ever since. I’m so inspired by your art, which you make seem so effortless and beautiful, as well as by your unique and thoroughly loved characters. And you’re so funny and charming, to boot, like, dang, you’re the whole package, and I just. I adore you.

RUBI ( @surrepo-iuvenisdomina , @infcrtunii , @rxbelluscruris )

                  MY WIFE. My beautiful, hilarious, and always amazing wife-- words could not begin to describe my absolute infatuation with you, but I can at least say that you have been a constant source of joy and laughter in my time here, and I just. My cheeks hurt I’m smiling so big. All of your muses are so special to me, admittedly with a special emphasis on Mari’s dynamic with Zeff, but honestly I just... love following you. I do! I read everything you write on Deuce and take so much happiness out of just seeing you around. You are, legitimately, a gift, and I just. Muah. MWAH. So many kisses.

            AND, finally, my dearly beloved papa BEAR ( @cadcnce , @rcguna )

                WOW??? ME??? LOVE BEAR??? never heard that one before, but there’s no way I could make one of these without some of this classic Bird’s Extremely Gay Feels for Bear™ so you’re just gonna have to deal with it. To be simple about it, you’re... one of my best friends; bar none, not “from tumblr” or “from [x]” you just are; I usually keep really small friend groups, and you’re absolutely on the same level with the boys I drink and play games with-- I’d have taken your ass to town in Catan numerous times by now if it weren’t for the distance, but that’s the only difference. And I know I say it a lot but you really do inspire me. Your love and dedication to your characters, your consistency, your humor-- I love and respect you so much. Goddamn did Wylan and Mari sneak up on me. 

From our businessy chats from the start, I’d never have known just how special these two would grow to become (leave Wy and Emké’s situation out of it until another day because I can only gush so much). It’s the greatest relationship I’ve ever had the privilege to write on any of my characters, and I think about them all the time. I’m so blessed to have them, and you, in my life, and I don’t intend to let you forget it.

                      --aaaand this is getting long as hell so the rest is under the cut!

                                                                                24kt / #flawless

                                                                                                  A cut above/special mentions.

ariel / @devilslcg , @bearxclaws

            We’ve known each other since??? god it’s been so long but I’ll never forget your Conan because what a goddamn TREAT those interactions were; you’ve been a highlight of my roleplaying experience on just about every blog I’ve had for these last few years, but Sanji and Anita have this special love poured into them that has made me so happy to be a part of. You are so talented, and so amazing, as well as graceful and sweet and; you’re just good people, y’know? You’re a light in every community you’re in and I am so glad to know you.

marshy / @siiinuously

                Y’all’re some’a the coolest fuckin cats I’ve ever seen in my life. Seriously, though, you and Mikah are just so goddamn sugoi, and I’m so, like, in awe of you sometimes. Your writing is really incredible, and your character is so strong, I’m enraptured All The Time. Following you is an absolute treat and from the banter we have had, you just seem like so dang rad, I’m... such a big fan... aaaah i’m love, okay? much love

tavs / @imtwentyfuckingfour / @cosmicuncanny & more

            FORGIVE ME MY DISAPPEARANCE, and like MONTHS of anticipation, but your writing literally stuns me sometimes-- you are this??? master storyteller who also caters the choicest of memes and it’s like the words just pour from you and they’re all such good shit, I sometimes feel like I’m just not mature enough or good enough-- I WANT TO IMPRESS YOU... SO BAD... you’re cool as all hell and I’m Some Nerd™ but I’m just glad that you’ve, like, decided I’m worthy. (but, seriously, i mean it when I say that following your personal is one of the best choices i’ve ever made, your reblogs are choice, fam)

mars / @zelotae

           I don’t give a shit if we don’t really interact much on Mari, you’re one of the loves of my life and I’m gonna take this opportunity to tell you that you mean so much to me and I. Love. You.

and thEN JUST IN CASE Y’ALL SEE THIS: @blackorgkaito / @kowoma + @sapphirexchild : THE TWO OF YOU STILL MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND I THINK ABOUT Y’ALL EVERY DAY. KISSES. ALL OVER YOUR FACES.

                                                                      all the lovely lavender blooms

                                                                                            or “all my favorite ducks in a row.”

 @7hits | @alicehart | @bearxclaws | @blackorgkaito | @blckleg | @cadcnce | @cosmicuncanny | @devilslcg | @exsuperatus | @for-a-prxce | @gebeleixis | @ghostlyanon | @hikaup | @infcrtunii | @jakcby | @jcllyfisn | @kindhughes | @kowoma | @maelstromprodigy | @mooncaped | @rcguna | @rxbelluscruris | @sapphirexchild | @siiinuously | @shiirakeru | @soulchord | @surrepo-iuvenisdomina | @umbled | @valorandheart | @xpuriity | @zelotae

[euphoric-melancholyy]

Hi there. Just dropping by to spread some love and positivity! I hope that you are thriving! I know that you used to write Captain Swan fanfiction (OSR was AND STILL IS amazing)! It makes me sad to know that the OUAT fandom is quite dead! I’ve been trying to get back into it to keep it alive somehow lol. Out of curiosity, would you mind sharing some of your fondest memories from your time in the OUAT fandom? ily🐷

Wow this is the most unexpected and sweetest message ever. Thank you so much! Also, my response is long, a little personal, and not exactly what you asked for. Under the cut to read on!

Once Upon a Time was the second fandom I was in and the first fandom that was actually alive and thriving at the time I was in it. I’ve had an amazing experience in this fandom and writing and reading fanfic for one of the most beautiful couples TV has ever seen. But it’s hard for me to talk and think about without a tinge of sadness. The person who introduced me to OUAT and drove me headfirst into this fandom and I, don’t have the friendship we once did. For a long time, I felt really hurt by this, but I’ve finally come to a point of acceptance and am able to look back on my experience in this fandom, and my friendship with her, with a grateful heart. So though at times it feels tainted, there are some amazing people and things that came out of it!

For starters, writing with someone is so special and rare and I don’t think I realized that at the time. The fact that if I reread TTETE, I’m not sure which one of us wrote this or that sentence is just...incredible. Skyping and writing TTETE and other fics from the time we woke up until the time we went to bed...I mean who does that? I will forever cherish our ability to endlessly talk about, analyze, and write Captain Swan together. Watching each other grow as writers is also really cool. My favorite memory with Sara though, was when were together (in person!) visiting historic Mystic Connecticut. There was a ship we pretended was the Jolly Roger and we spent the entire afternoon headcanoning Emma and Hook visiting and all the fun banter that would inevitably ensue. We even had a lurking Broseph joining in on the fun! I had never had someone to headcanon with me in person before and it was truly the perfect day and the perfect week honestly. There is no one I would have wanted to go to Mystic with more. Another notable mention from that week was holding each other as we literally fell to the ground watching “Poor Unfortunate Souls” air for the first time and the “Don’t you know, Emma? It’s you” scene. All of my time with her, especially that week, are so tied to the OUAT fandom and a shared love of the love of Hook and Emma. Fandom friendships are so unique because they understand the part of you that the rest of the world doesn’t, which brings me to more people and more fond memories!

So there are several other people that OUAT has bonded me with. Alia (@lovebecomeshim), whose snapchats make my day and I always wish we talked more than we do. But she’s one of the coolest people. Rachel (@tale-as-0ld-as-tyme), it has been so long since we’ve talked but I think about you a lot and if we lived closer, I truly believe we’d be inseparable best friends. You’re so freaking cool. @thepowerofmyfridge is another cool person (lets just establish all these people are cool and I love them!) and whom I always enjoyed flailing with. The entire Discord community for their support in and out of fandom shenanigans. Kristen, who has since deleted her Tumblr, is one of the funniest people ever and I adore her. I’m so glad OUAT (and my paper on 13 Reasons Why) brought us together. @mayalice18 is another person who’s friendship I am so grateful for. And though I’m not close to them, Dee @startswithhope and BK @kittennharington… have written multiple fics that leave me sobbing and kill me in the best of ways. Reading their writing is a highlight of fandom in and of itself. This fandom has so many talented writers and I love that about it.

Confession time - I, in a desperate search for validation, once asked BK @kittennharington to read one of my fics. And she did and she said she loved it and honestly, it made my life. It was incredible and a definite highlight, but super embarrassing at the same time. So that’s a thing that happened.

Speaking of validation, it’s something I need. It’s something I thrive on. And occasionally I’ll have people outside of the OUAT fandom read my fanfics. One of those people is @girlwithlatte, whom I met on Twitter through the 24 fandom. She’s a phenomenal writer, though she’ll tell you otherwise, and is the main person who encouraged me to write in the first place. I adore her. I look up to her. And I had her read a couple of my CS fics and she loved them and told me that I write smut well. Another similar person is @starg8rocks, who claims to not ship CS. This girl goes above and beyond when it comes to friendship. Not only has she read everything I’ve ever written, been a huge support system, but she MADE A TRAILER for To the Ends of the Earth and has made me multiple fanvids featuring Captain Swan. AND SHE DOESN’T EVEN SHIP THEM - they’re basically her nOTP. But guys...Francesca made a movie trailer for my fic. In summary, I don’t deserve the generosity of her friendship and she’s an incredible human being and I will forever love that there is a trailer for a story I wrote. And while we are on people who I know through the 24 fandom...Kayla. Kayla. Kayla. @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713. Wow, where to begin? She has been one of the sweetest friendships to come from this fandom and has such a giving heart. I love that I can get just as excited about Jack and Renee (24) with her as I can about Hook and Emma. And she matches the excitement for each ship. And we both come from backgrounds where our faith is such an important part of who we are and our identity as well. So to be able to talk about literally anything with no judgement (as I also can with Francesca and Jade) is such an incredible gift.

I come from a canoe of a dead fandom with 24. The most notes I had ever had on a fanfic before I started writing CS was 8. Three of those were probably me. So another really cool thing about this fandom is that people like you anon, whomever you are, actually read my writing. That’s one of the best feelings ever.

The OUAT Fandom has been such a huge gift in my life and I want to thank you for allowing me to reflect on that. I hope this kind of answers your question! Reading and writing fanfic and all the wonderful people. 

[if-u-seek-jamie]

A cry for help? No... I have the self control and I’m safe.  A cry for love and attention? Yeah, that sounds more like me lol I do way too much for attention.

This whole post is a major TW/CW for self-harm, depression, anxiety, BPD (and FPing), PTSD, mental illness, suicide, hospitalization, sex, sexual assault, abuse/intimate partner violence, trauma, substance abuse

I’m pouring my heart out and opening up more than I usually do on Facebook.  I’m feeling... desperately alone and misunderstood these days.  I basically am gonna spill everything going on in my brain EXCEPT for things that I am still ashamed of and keep secret.  LOL yeah, with everything I am comfortable being open talking about, I STILL have secrets.  Can you believe that?!  Me neither...  I’m also going to talk about some specific people in this post, as well, but as per my style of hiding/protecting identities, a lot of them are gonna be named “Bobbert,” “Bobbert 2,” “Bobbert 3,” etc., regardless of gender, because that is what I call everyone when hiding their identities.  There will also be names that I don’t protect, like Sara and Ivan, etc.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have pretty good self-control lately.  I don’t know, I don’t think I will actually hurt myself.  But wow, I keep getting the urge to.

Wow, I’ve barely posted anything but selfies on here in ages.  wh00ps.

I’m pretty open about the fact that I have mental illnesses on Facebook.  I’m an open book, everybody knows.  But I think I keep it kind of tame, and sometimes make jokes about it.  Like “lol I think I have a makeup addiction hahahaha can’t believe the people at Ulta don’t know who I am by now!”

It’s not a joke, though.  I have no idea how to cope with life.  I just.... overspend and overspend and overspend on makeup.  I go to Ulta just about every day if I don’t have the late shift at work, if I don’t have plans.  I’m just like “I need to get out of the house and makeup makes me feel pretty and makes me feel happy so I’m going to use that as an excuse to leave the house and go buy more.”  And I can’t stop.  And when I’m at home, I spend a good amount of time watching makeup videos on YouTube and reading through threads in Makeup groups on Facebook to come up with other products to buy.  I just cannot stop.

And eating.  I just keep overeating.  “I’ll save leftovers for lunch at work tomorrow.  hahahaha jk I’m gonna eat the whole thing now.  And then I’m gonna cook more food.  Midnight runs to the supermarket for some ice cream?  You bet!”  The binging is definitely real.  I’m glad I haven’t relapsed on the purging, though I get the urge.

I keep getting the urge to cut myself.  It has been over a year since I’ve done it and I hope I don’t give in.  But, oh my god, I have had the biggest urge to do that lately.  And I accidentally cut myself shaving last week while I was having these urges the most and that just made me want to do it more, but I also think it satisfied the urge at the same time?  I don’t even know.  I’ve also gotten the urge to get high but I refuse to ever let myself fall back down that hole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I began high school, I was bitter.  I was very very bitter about the last couple years in my life.  These two girls...  We’ll call them Bobbert and Bobbert 2...  They bullied me relentlessly in middle school for being gay and fat.  It got so bad, I had to get the school’s police officer involved.  It was when I first felt suicidal.

And then that last summer before high school, I was the chosen target of my bunk at summer camp.  I was the chosen target of their bullying.  Why?  I have no idea.

So when I started high school?  I was bitter.  I’m not going to protect names this time.  I met this girl Audrey.  My instinct was to stay away from her because she looked like an angry person and she reeked of cigarette and marijuana smoke.  But we were assigned to be “phone buddies” in our literature class because everyone else was partnered up and we were the only two left.  And then she was in my gym class.  And somehow, we ended up becoming best friends.  I thought she was the coolest thing since sliced bread.  I really wanted to impress her, I really wanted her to like me and think I was cool.  She literally taught me what I should and should not like.  And she was... mean.  If you did’t agree with her on things, she would be mean to you about it... but it was always played off as a joke, and you had to laugh along with it, all the while seeking her approval.  But I thought that was admirable.  I thought it was so cool and badass and I wanted to be like that.  I became a meaner person when I was best friends with her.  And, a couple of my close friends know this, and it’s weird for me to admit on something that I am posting publicly...  But I eventually had convinced myself that I was in love with her.  She was my first BPD “favorite person.”  I was very codependent on her and I convinced myself that I was in love with her and I would do literally anything and everything to try to impress her or make her happy, or get her attention.

So when I went to her house and we met up with all her friends and they all decided to get high?  I wanted to try it.  And it was fun!  But after that?  Suddenly, every time I went to hang out with her, all she wanted to do was get high.  Every single time.  So I went with it.  I always just did whatever Audrey wanted to do.  And then she started hanging out with Alex (who she only became friends with because Alex and I were friends since like Kindergarten or first grade or something, but whatever).  Audrey and Alex had multiple classes together that year, and I had no classes with either of them.  So they grew closer with each other.  So then all three of us started hanging out together, and instead of just me and Audrey, it became me and Audrey and Alex.  And then we started doing harder drugs.  It got to the point when we were doing MDMA on a regular basis and my serotonin levels were shot because MDMA kills the serotonin in your brain.  I’d also steal medications from people, including morphine, which is a form of heroin.  Sometimes, we’d take pills even when we didn’t know what they were.  My brain was shot.  I was at the lowest I had ever been.  To top it off, Audrey and Alex were getting closer and closer and I was slowly but surely feeling shut out and neglected, like I didn’t matter.  One morning at school, I met up with Audrey and Alex and Audrey’s other friends in the morning before 1st block like we always did, and everyone stood in a circle and I was literally closed/blocked out of the circle, standing on the outside of the circle.  Ignored, unnoticed, neglected.  I decided that was the last straw, I lost it.  My FP didn’t give a FUCK about me.  All she fucking cared about was drugs and getting high and Alex.  But I was literally nothing in her eyes.  So I got home from school, and both my parents were at work and my brother was staying after school and my sister was away at college, and i was all alone.  So I grabbed a bottle of pills and chucked some down and I tried to kill myself because “She will notice me and care about me when I am dead.”  I was hospitalized.  When I came back home, I found out that nobody even noticed I was missing.  The only reason Audrey noticed - after a few days - was because my friend Jessica messaged her, “Do you know what happened to Jamie?  Didn’t you see her post on tumblr?  She took a bunch of pills and I don’t know what happened.”  When I got home, Audrey’s solution to my depression was just to get high.

Anyway, the reason I don’t protect Audrey or Alex’s names comes up now.

That summer was the first time I drank alcohol.  Like, yeah, I do all these drugs but I have never drank alcohol LOL go figure, right?  Anyway, we got our drug dealer, David...  he also had a fake ID so we got him to buy us alcohol.  And since he got the alcohol, we let him drink with us.  I’m drunk off my ass for the first time in my life.  David sees this “opportunity.”  He literally asks Audrey for her permission to take me off to a separate room and do whatever he pleases with me.  And she “consents” on my behalf.  So I’m laying there, 16, drunk, pants off, not really sure what’s going on.  And then I feel something rubbing against me.  And I guess I wasn’t as drunk as David hoped I would be.  Because I realized what he was doing.  And I flipped out.  I was not about to let him have sex with me.  He goes “Shh, shhh!  Stop freaking out or your friends are going to think something is happening!”  But I don’t really drop it so he gives up and we go back to join my “friends.”  Audrey literally gave me up to a rapist, and Alex was complicit in this.

That wasn’t the last time it happened.

A few months later....  It’s my 17th birthday.  I go to the zoo with my family, but then instead of going home with them after, they drop me off at Audrey’s house so I can have a “birthday sleepover” with my friends.  We smoke.  We take some pills that we don’t even know what they are.  We meet up with David again so that he can get us alcohol again.  This time, he’s got a couple friends with him... Jeff and Ivan.  Jeff was like 23 I think, Ivan was his older brother, so mid to late twenties.  This is my 17th birthday with these grown ass men.  We break into this gas station that either Jeff or Ivan worked at, and we party in there.  I’m smoking, I’m on pills, and I’m drinking.  3 substances mixed together in my blood.  I’m on cloud 9, I’m barely even mentally there.  Next thing you know, the guys decide to play spin the bottle.  The oldest one, Ivan... he lands on me at one point.  And he just goes at it.  Just full on making out with my barely conscious body.  I felt myself fading.  Next thing I know, he picks me up and carries me to the corner of the room, and next thing you know, my pants are off, and I feel myself fading and fading and I’m not really sure what’s happening.  Ivan asks me “Sex?”  I can barely speak, but I mutter out a “No!”  And he asks me again.  And I say “No!” again.  “Why?” he asks. “I don’t know!”  I can barely speak, I can barely move a muscle.  I feel myself leaving my body.  I have no control.  And he starts going down on me.  And next thing I know, I pass out and I’m unconscious.  And I wake up laying motionless and drooling, naked on top of this naked grown ass man.  I don’t know how I got there.  I start shaking.  Trying to move.  I find out that my dear friend Audrey just stood around drinking beers with David, watching this grown man rape me.

I tried to remain friends with them, but that only lasted another month.  Apparently after watching Ivan rape me on my birthday, Audrey and Alex decided to start telling all of their other friends that I was a sloppy slut and I just went and fucked this older guy, and they started saying horrible things about me every chance they got.  And I stopped being friends with them... and they played it off like “Good!  Now we can go to more parties and do more drugs because we couldn’t go before because nobody likes you!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then there was Sara.  The only person I ever “fell in love” with who ever claimed to love me back.  My next MAJOR “Favorite Person.”  I met her at an event the first semester of my sophomore year of college/her freshman year.  We were sat at the same table at this event, and I could tell right away that she was gay.  She was so butch and obvious.  And DAMN, was she fucking CUTE.  It was the very end of the semester when I met her.  Then we were on Winter Break.  And she found me on Facebook somehow and added me, and started messaging me and flirting with me.  I thought she was so adorable.  She talked to me about Disney.  She asked me about my dog.  I found out that my dog was sick and dying in this time, and she asked me about it and was there for me and that really got me right away.  I was already head over heals because “this super cute girl thinks that I’m beautiful and cares about if I’m doing okay?!?!?!”

So then Spring semester started and we met up right away.  And the very first day we met up, we kissed.  And just a couple days later, she started coming to my suite every day and sleeping over.  She would bring cookie dough and treats for my suitemates and me.  She spoiled me right from the beginning and it felt GREAT.  Everything happened VERY QUICKLY.

The first night she slept over was unintentional.  We were just hanging out in my room.  My roommate had moved out because she got pregnant, so I had my own room.  We were cuddling.  And then she attempted to get sexual with me, but I was clearly nervous and hesitant, but she was very persistent.  And then she just ended up sleeping over and rushing to class in the morning.  She messaged me later in the day, apologizing for pressuring me into sexual activity; that she could see I wasn’t ready and she “felt bad” for pressuring me.  I said it was fine.

A couple days later, I was in my suite when I got a phone call from her.  She had vertigo and had to go to the ER.  All she wanted was to talk to me.  So I talked to her on the phone.  She came back to campus not too long later.  We were hanging out in my suite.  She said she had a club meeting to go to.  So I was like “Oh, okay, I also have a club meeting to go to.  I was on e-board for this club but I had to quit, but I was told they were doing something nice for me tonight so I have to go.”  And she was like “Okay.”  But then later she was mad.  “Why are you going to that club meeting?  I was in the hospital today.  All I wanted to do when I got back was to be with you and feel better.  All I could think about, all I wanted was you.”  And I said “But you were going to a club meeting, too?”  And she says “Well I was going to skip it because I wanted to be with you.”  “But I made a commitment.”  “Well I should be more important!!  I was testing you!!!”  “But you told me that it was okay if I go and you said you were going somewhere else anyway!”  “FINE!  Go!  But we’re done!”  Keep in mind we’re not even an official couple yet...  So anyway, I go to the club meeting anyway...  But all I can think about is how Sara is mad at me.  I’m having an anxiety attack.  I leave early, crying, texting and calling Sara and begging her to forgive me, I’m so so so sorry.  She eventually goes “You’re right.  You made a commitment and I told you I was going somewhere else anyway so it wasn’t fair for me to get mad at you.  I overreacted.”  And we were fine.  Or not really....  I should have taken this incident as a red flag, but I didn’t, I blamed myself.

Superbowl Sunday/Puppybowl Sunday that year was February 1st.  Apparently, at the Puppybowl Party, my friend Erica touched my thigh???  I don’t remember.  But according to Sara, it happened.  And I was no longer allowed to hang out with Erica without Sara’s permission.  “Sara, Erica doesn’t even like women!”  It didn’t matter.  She touched my thigh.  It meant she wanted me.  It meant she was a threat to Sara.  I wasn’t allowed to be her friend.

Sara wanted to wait until Valentine’s Day to ask me out officially.  She thought it would be cute if our anniversary was on Valentine’s Day.  I was NOT having it!  I didn’t want the holiday ruined forever if we ended up breaking up.  So Sara liked to joke around like “I’m breaking up with you!”  And I would keep pushing her by saying “You can’t break up with me if we’re not dating!”  And I kept pushing her and making it obvious that I was NOT happy with the waiting.  So on February 3rd, she caved in and asked me to be her girlfriend, and I was ECSTATIC.  I had a club meeting for Disney Club later that night.  I was on the e-board, so I was obligated to go.  Sara had work.  She texted me after her shift ended, she wanted to see me.  I was in the club meeting, so she had to come to the meeting.  She walks in the room and her face drops.  Erica is there.  Sara sits next to me angrily.  Her face is scaring the fuck out of me.  She’s clenching her fists.  She’s whispering nasty things to me.  She’s being so horrible to me.  Nobody notices.  I’m holding back tears.  After Disney Club meetings, everyone usually goes to Late Night Dining in the dining hall together, but Sara was ANGRY, so I told everyone I was gonna call it a night and Sara and I head back to my room.  Once we’re away from everyone else, she starts yelling at me.  “I told you not to hang out with her without me!”  “I can’t control who goes to the meetings!  I can’t tell her she’s not allowed to go, and I’m on e-board, I HAVE to be there!”  “Well you could have at least texted me and told me she was there!”  The yelling escalates and she’s screaming at me and I’m crying.  And then she very quickly stops and turns at me, and that was the first time she ever raised her fist to me.  The very first day we were “official.”

It got worse and worse every day after that, but I remember that one more than most of the others because it was the first time.  But every day after that...  She would find some reason to scream at me and insult me and throw punches towards my head.  Sex suddenly became rough sex and rough sex only, and no, she wouldn’t change it up because all of a sudden she “didn’t know how to have sex without being rough.”  I knew this was untrue because she wasn’t like that before.  But now, suddenly she was.  I had no choice.  There would be times when I wasn’t in the mood for sex, but to her that became all I was good for.  “I’m not in the mood.”  “I’ll put you in the mood.”  I would literally try to fight her and push her off of me.  My own girlfriend raped me.  So many times I lost count.  One time when she did it, I said “You just assaulted me.”  And she said “Fine, then I’ll never touch you again!”  And that was not what I wanted at all.  So then I just started taking it.  She would scream at me and throw punches at me and threaten to leave me at least three times a day.  I don’t even know how many times she raped me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then there was Bobbert #3.  I loved him so much.  I still do.  He is still my FP, but we both handle it so much better now, and I’m not as attached as I used to be.

We had a relationship, but it wasn’t a *relationship.*  You see, he never loved me the way I loved him, and he never could.  He admittedly used me to experiment with his sexuality... and he tried to force himself to want me, but he couldn’t.

And he has opposite mental health issues from me.  We handle our mental health very differently.  I became exhausting for him to deal with...  He began to neglect me.  I started feeling worthless and unlovable and like I meant nothing.  Feelings were becoming similar to how I felt with Audrey, but nowhere near as bad.  But I did end up having meaningless sex with someone else when I felt lonely one night (it wasn’t cheating; we weren’t monogomous or in a *relationship relationship,* ya feel?).  Bobbert #4, I guess?  And Bobbert #4 disgusted me and violated my boundaries, and I went with it to try to fill this neglected void, but I just fell into another deep depression.  But I stayed with Bobbert #3.  All I wanted in my life was for Bobbert #3 to love me.  I kept feeling neglected.  I eventually had a mental breakdown and tied a noose in my closet, and the breakdown got worse when I realized the material wasn’t strong enough and wouldn’t work.  Bobbert #3 and my other suitemate found me crying in my closet.  They got together with someone else and reported me to counseling services and I was so angry.

And I was just in this great depression from my PTSD from being with Sara and my obsession with Bobbert #3 and I failed all my classes that semester and didn’t graduate school on time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A month or two later, I was finally diagnosed with BPD and everything started to make sense and I have been able to learn when I’m being irrational or splitting, I haven’t engaged in self-harm behaviors since then, I have been able to pin-point and control my symptoms and I’m doing so much better with self-control but the thoughts and feelings I have are still real and I don’t know if they will ever be normal, but I haven’t gotten a new FP since the last story so who knows, tbh....  I’d like to think that I will be able to figure out how to love and be loved back, and I’d like to think that I will be treated right one day, and that I will have a non-toxic relationship one day.  I don’t know if it is possible, but I’d like to think it is.  I mostly blame like everyone else in my life.  My therapist blames certain family members of mine and things from my childhood, but I don’t feel comfortable writing about that.  BUT, while it feels good to be able to say “Hey, I was never the bad person in these situations!” I still know I can’t deny any responsibility.  Right?  I mean, maybe?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few friends already know this story and know exactly who I am talking about even though I’m concealing the name for the sake of this post so if any of you actually read this far, for the sake of this post, his name is Bobbert.

Some background info: 1) In my friend group(s), I am the most vocally sex-positive person of the group, and the least innocent friend. 2) In the past when I have had random hookups with people I didn’t love, it ended with me crying and self-harming and ultimately falling into a deep depression.

So back in April, my friend Bobbert randomly hit me up on Facebook messenger to ask me to “hook up” with him.

This was a man who...  I had ultimately *convinced* myself I had a crush on him because he liked to give me hugs and cuddles, and although he liked to do that with all of his friends, it seemed more excessive with me.  And so I felt special, so I convinced myself that I HAD to like him because he gave me attention because LOL me being me, I don’t know how to differentiate touchy-feely-attention from true feelings.

But I also never thought he would pull such a douchebag move.  To just be like “sooo you wanna hook up?”  He never seemed like the type of guy to do that.  I mean, just a few days before he asked me this, I could have sworn he was dry-humping me while we were cuddling- IN FRONT OF OUR FRIENDS- but I convinced myself that I was imagining that because he certainly wouldn’t do something like that without saying anything first, and CERTAINLY not IN FRONT OF OUR FRIENDS.  So I brushed it off.  But I still had a feeling that there was some tension between us of some sort, and I figured something would happen between us eventually.  But I did not expect it to be done so disrespectfully.  I thought whatever was going on would come up naturally, in a respectful manner, in person...  Not “do you wanna hook up?” over Facebook messenger.

My initial reaction was that, as the only vocally sex-positive and least innocent friend of the friend group, I was being objectified by my friend.  My heart honestly sank as I realized that I didn’t mean anything more than a body to this person who I considered a friend.  That I was being treated as an object.  After everything all of my friends know I’ve been through, and with all of my friends being fully aware that I have BPD and RAD.  I just felt like everything was becoming clear, and I am worthless, disposable...  I am an object that does not have feelings.  In addition, because I am prone to self-harming after meaningless sex, I wanted to try this thing where I *don’t* hook up with people that I am not in a relationship with.

So anyway, I eventually answered him and said “ummmmm I don’t really hook up with people like that...”  And he was like “omg I’m so sorry I made this awkward blah blah blah.”

Anyway, I was like 45 min away from home when this happened, and I was with friends...  So at the end of the night, I took the 45 minute drive to think and reflect and when I got home, I messaged him again and I was like “Listen...  I was flustered when you messaged me because I was at this club meeting...  I have noticed there has been some tension between us, I would be lying if I said otherwise, I think we need to have a discussion.”  So then the next morning, Bobbert reads my message, but doesn’t message me back for a few hours and when he does he’s deflecting like “oh sorry I was just sleep deprived and loopy, I don’t want to complicate our friendship in any way....”  biiiiitch, you already complicated our fucking friendship.  So I’m not taking his bullshit, I’m like “nah but we still need to talk.”  Again, he reads my message and waits A COUPLE HOURS to respond and he just says “yeah you’re probably right.”  So anyway, this goes back and forth with him leaving me on “read” over and over again and I’m feeling more and more disrespected and angrier and angrier the longer he keeps me waiting.  But eventually we agree to meet up for dinner a couple days later so we can talk.

So we meet up... and I’m pretty good at standing my ground at first.  He’s kind of derailing, avoiding the subject, and I’m like “Bobbert.”  So eventually he’s like “Jamie....  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you....  But I’m not wanting to date anyone while I’m in grad school.” And I’m like “Okay....”  And I just basically tell him I’m not attracted to him at all.  Even though I had just a week earlier been convinced I had a crush?  I don’t know, And anyway, he’s like “So I’m sexually attracted to you but not romantically, like, at all.” Like, ok Bobbert, then why did you bring up dating half a minute ago when you said you’re not ready to date while you’re in school?  Like if you already decided you didn’t wanna date at all, why did you bring that up in the first place.  Are you deflecting or are you just that dumb and heartless or? So I’m basically just like “ok.” & he’s like “So we’re on the same page?  Not romantically interested in each other at all?” & I’m like “Not at all.”  Whatever. So then it’s my turn to talk  I wanted to make him realize why the way he objectified me after all my experiences with sexual violence and dating violence was an issue.  I wanted him to realize that trying to build up intimacy with me just for sex, knowing that I have BPD and attachment issues, was extremely disrespectful of my well-being.  But then I realized that I didn’t really want to talk about my history of sexual assault and domestic violence and mental illness in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

So we went back to my house to talk somewhere more privately.  I set clear boundaries.  I explained to him why I was offended and hurt.  I explained to him that I have trouble saying no to people because I really really love attention, and he was giving me a lot of attention.  I asked “Do you respect me?” and he said “Yes.”  I believed him and boundaries were set.  But then two seconds later, he cuddles up to me.  And then he starts groping me.  And I say, “Ummm... what’s going on?”  & he’s like “I’m cuddling you... sexually...  Is that okay?”  And because he had just told me he respected me, and I felt like we just had a respectful discussion, I was like “Yeah I guess.”  And one thing led to another, and even though I had set boundaries, we somehow ended up hooking up anyway??????  I was not enjoying any second of it.  I even told him “I am not enjoying this.  At all.  This is never happening ever again.”

And then we didn’t see each other again for almost 2 months???  I really want to remain his friend.  I don’t know how possible it is.

We went to Six Flags together a couple weeks ago.  And then things got a little too flirty again.  And ya know what?  A lot of that was my fault.  I instigated and initiated a lot of that.  There was excessive hand holding and hugs and cuddles and hands on thighs.  And a lot of that was MY fault.

I just tell this story to show how vulnerable I am right now, how desperately I desire and crave love and affection and attention.  I literally cannot resist it.  Even when I know I’m just hurting myself...  I will engage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway, I kind of just hate myself.  I think that I am too much to deal with.  I will never be loved and I don’t deserve to be loved and I am meant to be lonely forever.  And I try and try and try but I’m only 23 years old and I’ve already dealt with so much abuse and assault, I’ve lost count.  These weren’t even all of the stories, either...  Just what is the point of life anymore when I’ve gone through all this?  I’ve gone through enough personal trauma to last 3 lifetimes, and I’m not even 25 years old yet.  This is just SOME of the stuff I have to battle with every day.  Just a little glimpse.  I just don’t understand why me...

[kathalaluna]

Filled with energy and looking forward to the next year! TLDR? > 2017 = I’ve had depression, then tumblr happened, thanks and happy new year! This year isn’t over for me yet, but since everyone’s posting 2017 closure posts, I thought I’d sum this now. ♥ The art above is my postcard design I’ve sent to some local publishers, so I’m sticking to my plan :) I’ll be back with a bit creepier art soon. Thanks so much to everyone who reads this. Especially thanks, if you’re a grammar freak - I love you, please read this and PM if you find anything that triggers your inner bulldog, you’ll help incredibly. ♥ Tumblr community, guys I’ve met here, friends I’ve made, you all helped me so much to gain some confidence in my art and get better at it in the last two months. Because the first three quarters of the 2017 was probably the worst time of my life. Some may say, that seeking validation from internet strangers is the worst pandemic, they also say, chatting about personal issues is a weakness. Well I don’t give a fuck about what some people say. There’s a human being that replies, that reblogs, that comments. Okay, sometimes there’s a porn bot. But the point is - this internet ‘pandemic’ really helped me out, as I went through a major depressive episode and I slew the monster successfully. :D SO glad. ( @habitica - thanks for the app guys, it’s been really dark until I’ve started  XD ) Your likes gave me confidence to get better, even to start writing my own graphic novel, you’ve send me useful links with a lot of info about art and publishing. We’ve exchanged books, critique and encouragement. My most reached post was reblogged by @teakip, and some very cool people PM’d after that! My second one was reglogged by @o-blivia so hey! thanks for exposure ♥ I’m in a daily / almost daily contact with some friends I’ve made here and I’ve even started my own Patreon! Guys that encouraged me the most, during these two cool months were @kopell , @withlightsandsound , @willis-miggles , @meggobro , @monsterdoodles, and @rozillustrations thanks so much guys ♥! Some of the coolest art I’ve seen in 2017, if you’re interested> @artofbrianluong @endo-sinomori @funaru @efiolin @aledelatorre @tilliewalden @natoyuka @sleeprealms @yurishwedoff @miranda-meeks Any suggestions, or questions, PM !! Found any bad grammar here? Please let me know XD

[greerbaiting]

So I’ve been seeing a lot of people doing mutual appreciation posts in honour of the end of the year, and I want to do something like that, but a little different (partially because some of my mutuals are WAY TOO COOL FOR ME and I would die writing it. I say like I didn’t die writing this anyways). 

This year was pretty rough for me because (among other reasons) a few months into 2017 I lost a friend group that I was a part of for almost five years. It’s been kind of tough coming back from that, but I’ve met some incredible people this year who made it a helluva lot easier. So yes, this is my ~*friends appreciation post*~ because I’m a sap and always love an excuse to yell about how much I love my friends. 

@breakingcauseitsbroken continues to be one of my platonic soulmates and I love her soooo much. Here’s hoping to being able to maybe actually meet in person next year???? 

This year brought @dauphinedolphin back into my life and I couldn’t be happier about it. I missed this girl so much and I’m cursing past Jess who was too stubborn to befriend her again sooner. 

@sinfonianlegend is somehow still sticking around and I don’t???? understand why?????? But I’m really happy about it. 

@whoopsiedaisiedoo is my lovely writing partner and puts up with my shit on four social media platforms. Like seriously, I’ve messaged her with so much weird shit this year and I don’t understand why she still puts up with me but I’m so glad she does because she’s perfect and if you told Jess from a year ago that we would be friends, they probably would have died. 

@bertie-renard is my buddy in theorizing about The Bridge and annoying the creators on Twitter. I’m so happy that the universe has brought us together because she is fantastic and one of the funnest people I have ever met. 

@pryce-and-carter is somehow my friend and I don’t understand how that happened because they are way too cool for me but wow it actually happened. Year ago Jess continues to freak out because I’ve become friends with the coolest people. 

@raimijenner is wonderful and I love talking to them because they are so enthusiastic about the things they love and it’s so great to see and always makes me happy. 

@alienpodcast is one of the coolest people ever and is also too gay to function. Another person who for some reason has dealt with all of my shit this year. 

@mrjacobi did I mention that I somehow befriended like half of the blogs that year ago Jess was in awe of? Because like.... Dana. Dana. Dana you’re fantastic. Chill with the fantastic for five seconds please. 

@bisexual-yuuri is trusting me with editing her book and I’m dying. She puts up with my slow and horribly picky edits. It’s great. Also her book is fantastic and you should be keeping an eye out cause it’s totally gonna be published one day. 

@catarinalosss and @fcirfolk are going together here because they’re inseparable. They both put up with my bs on Twitter and their clapbacks are amazing. These girls are fantastic and are going to go places. 

@masqueraided I can’t believe I deprived myself of like a month more of Masq by thinking that I had already followed her when I actually hadn’t 😫 Masq is fantastic and one of my favourite people that I got to meet this year. 

@friendlydinosaur is adorable and even though she’s late to the polyam crew party (SHAAAAME) I still love her and I’m glad that she’s wandered into my life this year. I always get excited seeing her on my dash. 

@geoclaire is my internet mom and yells at me to eat my vegetables but is still a big enough disaster to stab herself. In short, she’s wonderful and I’m so glad she entered my life this year. 

@imaginal is still around after what? four years? even though I have embarrassing dirt on her. I mean, she’s probably got more on me soooo..... 

@asexualchloe DID I MENTION THAT I SOMEHOW BEFRIENDED HALF MY TUMBLR CRUSHES? Seriously y’all. Kat’s fantastic. 

@readerofmuch gives me cool fanfiction ideas but she also lives on the other side of Canada instead of next door to me so although she’s awesome, she also sucks. 

@karasunovolleygays continues to be too cool to be my mutual and also to be real. Did she get cooler this year? Unfair. 

@voiceoflightcity offered to fight an arophobe for me so basically I would die for her. Also she needs to kick my ass in that drawing game again because that was one of the highlights of my year. 

This year’s been pretty rough but I have been blessed with some of the most amazing friends, most of whom I couldn’t have imagined being friends with a year ago (some because I didn’t know they existed, but even if I had, I couldn’t have imagined it). I love you all and I hope that the next year brings great things for you! 💛