#really gives me room for a lot of jay angst

[senascoop]

TIL DEATH DO US PART , S.JY !

PAIRING: husband ! jake × afab reader

SYNOPSIS: In an arranged marriage where sparks never flew, you finally chose divorce as the only path to freedom. But when your husband died in a sudden accident, life took an unexpected turn, binding you to a reality marked by guilt, grief, and the shadows of unfulfilled words. Now, you must navigate a world that holds him forever gone.

GENRE: fluff + angst

WARNING(S): not proofread, kissing, dirty jokes, a little bit suggestive, mentions of suicide and death, insecurities, mentions of pregnancy. lmk if I missed anything.

WORD COUNT: 16.2K

FEAT: JAY from ENHYPEN + some ocs

MASTERLISTS ARCHIVE !!

NOTE FROM SENA ┊ had this idea going from quite a lot of time (two months lol) though i wasn't sure of posting it... but here you go i guess. was supposed to post this a day ago for Jake’s bday (🎂) but I hope this still works. definitely won't claim this as one of my best works but hope it's not too bad. would love to know your opinions <3

DEAR JAKE,

I’m sorry, but I can’t continue living like this. I’m leaving. Our marriage has become a constant battle, and I believe we’re both suffering more by holding on than we would by letting go. I know neither of us wanted it to come to this, and I wish things were different. But deep down, I think we’re better apart. I hope one day you’ll understand.

With regret, Y/N.

TEARS BLURRED YOUR VISION AS YOU STARED AT THE CRUMBLED NOTE IN YOUR HAND—the one you had written to Jake months ago. The one that now felt like a curse. Your hands shook as you traced the familiar words, guilt twisting your insides. I’m leaving. I’m sorry. He had never known the true weight of those words. And now he never would.

The police had found it in his pocket. They said he’d carried it with him, even after everything. Even when he... when he was gone.

You collapsed onto the couch, clutching the note like a lifeline, but it only felt like a reminder of how far you had pushed him. How much you had wanted out, and now, how deeply you regretted it. A year together, two lives constantly at odds, and it had ended in this way. A divorce that never came, an accident that did. You didn’t want this, didn’t want him gone, but now, all you had was this—regret, and a body that was too still in your bed to hold. The anger, the frustration of him being gone—it consumed you, ate at your soul.

Why couldn’t you have waited?

You had hoped time apart would fix things, give you both breathing room. But he hadn’t lived long enough for you to see the good you could have made of it. The guilt ate you alive, deeper than the frustration ever had. You tried to convince yourself it wasn’t your fault, that you couldn’t have known, but deep down, the truth stung. Your note had been his last reminder of your marriage. His last memory. He had carried your rejection right until the end.

Would things have been different if you hadn’t written that letter?

The thought raked at your mind like shards of glass, shredding everything in its path. What if you had kept fighting for him, for the marriage? Would he have been here? Would you have learned to love him? Or would he still have left, still have been gone, no matter what?

Your thoughts flickered back to moments with him—so small, so easy to overlook. The way Jake had rolled his eyes every time you’d scolded his niece Semi for spilling juice, or how he had tried to hide his smirk as he pretended to act innocent. The little things that used to irritate you, that you had never really appreciated until now.

You remembered the way he defended you against his relatives, his words sharp and protective as they made cruel comments about your body. They didn’t understand, but Jake did. He had always been there, not perfect but trying.

“She suits me well enough.”

The memory felt like a slap now, a cruel joke. You had spent so much time pushing him away, not seeing that he cared. You hadn’t seen that he had tried.

“Why couldn’t I have seen it?” you whispered to the empty room, curling up on the bed, pressing your face into the pillow. The tears soaked into the fabric, and the sobs wracked through you like a storm. Why was it only now, when he was gone, that you realized how much he had mattered?

You had never kissed him, never held him the way a wife should. You thought you had the luxury of time, but now you had nothing left but his memory. The memory of a man you barely knew but had somehow been the one constant in your life. How selfish of you to push him away. How stupid to think it was all about the fights, the annoyances, and not about the love you could have had.

“Please... Jake. I’m sorry...”

The words escaped you as your sobs grew louder, choking your breath. Your body trembled with grief, the weight of regret pressing down on you until you couldn’t breathe. If only you could undo it, go back and rewrite the note. If only you hadn’t given up on him, on the marriage, on the chance for something more.

The room felt suffocating now, as though the walls were closing in around you. What now? you thought. There was no future with him anymore. No next step. No reconciliation.

Why had you waited so long to realize how much he meant to you?

You sank deeper into your pillow, tears soaking your face and your hair, wishing for the impossible: for him to walk through the door, to come back, to make everything okay again. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

And all that was left was you. And the note.

YOUR MOTHER IN LAW’S HANDS TREMBLE AS SHE EXTENDS THE ANCESTRAL RING TOWARDS YOU, her eyes glistening with raw grief. The ring's delicate gold band catches the light, an unwanted reminder of everything Jake represented—strength, love, an unfinished story.

“He wanted you to have this… but I never thought I’d give it to you now. Not like this,” she whispers, her voice breaking before dissolving into quiet sobs. The sound is so raw it scrapes at your heart. For a moment, the room feels unbearably small, closing in with the suffocating weight of shared loss.

You stare at the ring, fingers hovering uncertainly. The thought of accepting it feels like admitting he’s really gone. Yet, you know you can’t refuse it; Jake’s wish, even unspoken now, feels sacred. You slip the ring onto your finger, a silent acknowledgment of the man you had once promised yourself to, a man you’ll never get the chance to truly know.

With a hesitant step forward, you place your hand on her shoulder, the touch meant to soothe but feeling fragile, as though it could shatter under the weight of her grief. The older woman leans into you, body racked with tremors as she buries her face in her hands. Her sobs rise and fall in uneven waves, echoing in the otherwise silent room.

“Please… don’t cry,” you whisper, your voice hoarse and cracking at the edges. The night had drained you, leaving your eyes dry yet still burning, poised for more tears that you no longer had the strength to shed.

Her grief pierces deeper. “He wouldn’t want to see you in pain,” you add, voice low, carrying the weight of a plea that even you don’t believe.

“I-I know,” she manages between sobs, her shoulders trembling. “But… he was so young, so full of life. It should’ve been me, not him. He barely started his life, and now…”

The room seems to warp under the heaviness of her words. You know she’s right. The unfairness of it all gnaws at you. But what would Jake want? The question echoes in your mind, clawing for answers you wish you didn’t have to seek.

You close your eyes for a brief second, conjuring his face in your memory—the way his smile would sneak out when he thought you weren’t looking, the stubborn tilt of his chin when he was determined. You imagine him here, telling you what to do, how to be strong for her when he couldn’t be.

Drawing in a shaking breath, you shift, wrapping your arms around your mother-in-law. She stiffens for a heartbeat before collapsing into the embrace, her body convulsing with grief. Her head rests on your shoulder, and you stroke her back, the gesture rhythmic, almost desperate, as if the act itself could soothe the unsoothable.

“My poor boy… he must’ve been so scared, so alone in those final moments,” she chokes out, and it’s as if a knife twists in your chest. The image of him in pain, of his last moments, blurs the edges of your control. A tear slips down your cheek, a singular escape among the multitude waiting behind your lashes.

“I’m so sorry, Jake,” you whisper, barely audible. The guilt is relentless, intertwining with the ache of loneliness that had settled deep within you long before he passed. You were alone when he was alive, and now that emptiness has transformed, sharpened by grief, into something more unbearable.

Her sobs quiet, just enough for her to lift her head and take in your expression, your tears mingling with unsaid words. She studies you, eyes clouded by grief but touched with understanding.

“You must feel so alone too… You and Jake… barely had time,” she murmurs, her voice a weak echo of empathy.

The silence stretches, heavy and uncertain. You meet her gaze and see the exhaustion, the pain mirrored back at you. It anchors you for a moment, before she speaks again.

“You’re still young. You should think of moving forward one day. Remarry, maybe… You’ll always be like a daughter to me, but you have to live, too.”

Your heart clenches, rejecting the thought. You don’t want to. The ache of wanting Jake, even in a marriage that had felt distant, is a raw wound you can’t imagine healing. The loneliness was familiar; life without him is uncharted, unbearable.

“I won’t… I can’t,” you admit, voice shaking as the tears finally spill, unchecked. “I just want him back. Even if it means being lonely again.”

The words break you open, and this time, neither of you tries to stop the crying. You hold each other in the ruins of shared loss, hoping, against hope, that the pieces of your shattered hearts will one day feel less sharp.

YOUR HANDS CHILLED FROM THE BRISK AIR, DIG DEEPER INTO YOUR COAT POCKETS AS YOU GAZE OUT INTO THE SWIRLING SNOW, a faint numbness settling in your bones. Each snowflake that brushes against your cheek feels colder than the last, a physical reminder of the frost that’s taken root in your heart, a void Jake's absence left behind. Life has lost its rhythm, its purpose, and the bustling world seems foreign, moving on a beat you no longer recognize.

Nursing, once a passion that filled your heart, now feels suffocating. The once-simple act of caring for patients, seeing them through their darkest times, now stirs something darker inside you—an envy for their hope, their chances. These creeping, bitter thoughts had scared you enough to step back from the only profession you knew. The faces of crying relatives haunted your dreams, their grief striking chords too familiar, too close. You’d sworn to heal, never harm, yet here you are, carrying shadows of guilt too heavy to bear.

The café’s warmth hits you as you push through the door, a momentary comfort against the gnawing cold. You shuffle forward, fingers fumbling in your pocket for money as your eyes wander the room. Jake had always spoken fondly of this place, a little corner shop with its cozy mismatched chairs and the sweet aroma of cocoa and baked pastries. A small pang clenches your chest, regret whispering its usual 'what ifs.' If only you’d agreed to visit here with him, if only time hadn’t been a cruel master.

The barista, a young woman with weary eyes, glances up as she speaks. “Ma’am, are you ordering?” Her voice, though polite, carries a slight impatience with the growing line behind you.

“Ah, yes… a cold coffee,” you manage, the words falling flat as if they don’t quite belong to you. Her brows lift, a flicker of confusion.

“In this weather?” she asks, a hint of genuine concern lacing her tone.

Realizing the absurdity, you swallow, forcing a small, resigned nod. “Hot chocolate then,” you say, the warmth of Jake’s recommendation tugging at the edges of your memory.

The exchange is brief, the hot drink pressed into your hands a minute later. As you turn to leave, the weight of the ancestral ring around your finger pulls at you, its cool surface grounding and yet suffocating. The bittersweet metal reflects a dull glow, a silent reminder of promises made and broken, of the love lost and the void left behind.

The wind picks up outside, tugging at your coat as you sip the hot chocolate. Its warmth spreads through you, but it’s fleeting, never enough to touch the ache within. You shake your head, Jake’s face vivid in your mind, his teasing smile as he’d planned your future dates. You’d push the thought aside, but every step feels like dragging a part of him behind you.

“Why can’t I let go?” you murmur, voice snatched away by the icy air. Your brother-in-law’s words echo in your mind, urging you to stop living in Jake’s shadow. But how do you tear yourself away from the ghost of a love that never got to finish its story?

Snow clings to your coat as you continue to trudge through the city, each step heavy with an ache that refuses to fade. The glow of the streetlights bathes the snow in a warm, golden hue, contrasting the bitter chill that settles in your chest. Sipping the hot chocolate, you try to focus on the warmth sliding down your throat, but the sweetness only sharpens the emptiness inside. The steam curls from the cup, a fleeting comfort as your breath mingles with it in the frigid air.

You pause near a park bench, eyes darting to couples bundled up, their laughter piercing through the quiet snowfall. One couple stands close, the man adjusting the scarf around his partner’s neck with a smile that makes your heart clench. You bite the inside of your cheek, the taste of copper sharp on your tongue as you fight back the sting in your eyes. The jealousy gnaws at you, sour and uninvited.

The memory of Jake’s voice flits through your mind, warm and teasing: “Good things happen to good people.” You scoff, the bitterness in that statement now a cruel joke. Were you not good enough? The universe seemed to think so, because it had ripped him away, leaving a hollow shell in his place.

Lost in thought, you find yourself on the bridge, fingers trailing over the iron railing that has frosted over, leaving cool streaks on your gloves. This place, once so filled with light and memories, feels haunted now. You trace a path where your and Jake’s hands once met, where laughter and shared secrets once echoed.

A voice, small and familiar, intrudes on your thoughts. Semi’s question echoes, fragile and innocent: “Aunty, when will Uncle come home?” You close your eyes, the lump in your throat thickening as the memory sharpens. You remember her wide, unknowing eyes searching yours for an answer you couldn't give, the guilt of that half-truth searing into you as you whispered, “I’m not sure, sweetie.”

You grip the railing tighter, feeling the cold seep through your gloves as the ache of regret claws at your heart. The river below moves steadily, unaffected by the chaos in your chest. You look down, watching the water catch the light in rippling patterns, your reflection distorted and wavering. The noise of the city fades as you breathe in the freezing air, each exhale a shuddering attempt to steady yourself.

A gust of wind stings your face, and you force yourself to look up, straightening with a resolve that feels fragile. Jake’s brother and his wife were inside your apartment, their watchful eyes filled with concern disguised as casual chatter. You know why they stay—it’s not out of pity, but out of fear, a silent agreement to keep you tethered when your world felt like it was splitting at the seams.

The laughter from the park drifts over again, mingling with the hum of distant traffic. For a moment, you let yourself remember the warmth of Jake’s embrace, the way he’d nudge your shoulder and murmur, “Life doesn’t stop, even when we want it to.”

“Maybe it shouldn’t,” you whisper into the night, the words barely a breath as they dissolve in the chill.

The warmth of the hot chocolate fades as the biting wind grazes your skin, a cruel reminder of the numbing void left behind. You stare at the bridge, eyes tracing the railings where Jake’s laughter once echoed. A memory surfaces, unbidden yet vivid.

“I know this isn't what either of us planned, but... I wish we could work it out,” Jake had said, a touch of hesitation softening his confident voice. His hands, hesitant but steady, hovered near you, respecting the space you held between.

“I wish that too,” you had murmured, the lie sliding off your tongue too easily. You’d convinced yourself you didn't care enough for Jake then, but the pang of that memory now gnawed at your insides. Regret had a way of reshaping the past, twisting even the most indifferent moments into sharp blades.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Jake had prodded gently, eyes bright even as he leaned down to meet your gaze.

Caught off guard, you’d raised an eyebrow. “Like what?” The question felt foreign, untouched by anyone's curiosity until now.

“Your ideal type,” he said, the corner of his mouth lifting as though challenging you. His height had always made you tilt your head back to catch his expression—a detail that now felt like a cruel nostalgia.

“Why would you ask that?” You'd played along, teasing but curious.

Jake chuckled, the sound resonant and warm. “Because we're getting married, and maybe knowing each other better will make it feel less... strange. Maybe, just maybe, we'll fall in love.” His hand, finally settling on your shoulder, had felt reassuring, a silent promise in its touch.

The memory cleaves through you like a knife, leaving behind a raw wound that no time or distance can heal. A single tear slips down your cheek as you blink, the reality of the moment washing over you like a wave. The park across the street bustles with couples walking hand-in-hand, laughter and warmth breaking through the cold that wraps around you. A fresh ache takes root, sharp and relentless.

You drop the empty cup into the trash can, the metallic clang breaking your reverie. The grief, heavy and suffocating, presses you to the edge as you turn and begin the long walk home. Your footsteps are heavy, every step an effort against the pull of the past.

“Aunty, you're so late. Did you bring Uncle with you?” Semi’s small voice meets you at the door, eyes bright with innocent hope. The guilt hits you like a punch, stealing the air from your lungs. Your throat tightens as you shake your head, eyes avoiding her searching gaze.

Jieun, seeing your reaction, sighs softly as she pulls Semi closer. “Semi, we talked about this, remember?” Her voice holds the practiced patience of a mother trying to shield her child from the pain.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Semi mumbles, eyes dropping to her tiny hands that fidget nervously. The sight twists your heart, guilt layering over the grief that refuses to ease.

You force a hollow smile. “It’s okay, Jieun. She's just a kid,” you say, your voice low and void of emotion as you shrug off your winter coat and hang it up. The familiar routine feels like a play you no longer wish to act in.

“Still, I just—” Jieun’s words falter as you cut her off, your voice breaking the tension.

“Please,” you murmur, the word sharp and desperate, silencing the room. The stillness that follows is suffocating, your breaths shallow as you fight to keep your composure.

Jieun's eyes search yours, understanding but hesitant. “We just don’t want you to be alone,” she whispers, her voice thick with worry.

“I know,” you reply, sitting on the couch with your head hung low, hands clenched tightly in your lap. After a long pause, you add, “But you need to leave. This is your home too, but you have your own life to get back to. I need time... time to figure out how to grieve.” Your eyes don’t lift to meet theirs; you can’t bear to see the disappointment or concern there.

Semi’s voice pipes up again, the innocence piercing through your defenses. “Are you sending us away, Aunty?”

The weight of guilt deepens, pressing into your chest. You close your eyes, feeling the sting behind your lids before you answer. “No, sweetie, I’m not sending you away. You can come whenever you want. Aunty will always be here.” The words come out flat, and you feel them land like lies in the air between you.

Jieun picks Semi up, nodding at you as if she understands, though her eyes glisten with worry. “We’ll give you some space. But we’ll check in. Don’t forget that, please.”

When the door clicks shut, silence wraps around you, heavy and thick. Your gaze shifts to the note you’d prepared earlier, sitting on the edge of the coffee table. The words, written in your own hand, feel foreign now: apologies to the people who stayed, memories they never knew you held, and the final confession of a heart too weary to go on.

You were battling with the urge to just end it all.

The rational part of your brain told you that you were young and had your whole life ahead and that you'd meet a lot of guys in your life but the stubborn heart won't give up and held onto the memory of the guy you once called your husband.

So, you gave up.

A smile, then another.

The city glows beneath you, lights sprawled like constellations cast on earth. The wind at this height is sharp, tearing through your clothes and chilling your skin, as if trying to pull you back from the edge. Your shoes scrape against the concrete ledge, the slight tremble in your legs betraying the battle waging within. The night air smells faintly of rain, metallic and crisp, mingling with the faint hum of traffic below.

You steady your phone in your trembling hand, its cold surface grounding you momentarily. A notification pings, an ironic reminder that life continues to tick on, indifferent to the turmoil within you. The camera lens reflects the shimmer of unshed tears as you hit record, the small red dot staring back like a silent witness.

A smile forms—hesitant, broken. Then another, and another, each one a mask that crumbles too soon. “To everyone who still cares,” you begin, your voice low and cracking, “Semi, sweet, innocent Semi. Jieun, always so patient. Jongseong... my husband’s shadow in every way. My sister, my friends, all of you who tried.”

The wind picks up, whipping strands of hair across your face as you pause, the weight of the unsaid pressing on your chest. You blink rapidly, tears slipping free, their warmth stinging against your cold cheeks. “Jake wouldn't want this. I know he'd call me stubborn, weak even.” You let out a hollow laugh, the sound swallowed by the wind. “But he wouldn’t understand how loud it is in the silence he left behind.”

Your heart hammers as you shift your weight, the city seeming to inhale with you, holding its breath in anticipation. The edge of the building digs into the soles of your feet, the space between you and the world below both terrifying and liberating.

“I miss the little moments, Jake,” you whisper, voice breaking as you squeeze your eyes shut. “I miss you making me feel lonely, and now... now I’m lonelier without you.” The ache in your chest is unbearable, a cavernous void that steals your breath.

One last deep breath, air burning through your lungs, and you step forward. The world blurs into a rush of sound and sensation—wind roaring in your ears, your body weightless, suspended in a moment between despair and peace.

And then the fall hits.

Pain surges through you, sharp and overwhelming, before darkness takes over. Around you, the chaos erupts into a cacophony—screams, the frantic pounding of feet, and the sharp cry of ambulance sirens slicing through the night. But these sounds are drifting away, becoming faint murmurs from a world slipping out of reach.

Silence wraps around you, one that made you feel like everything would be okay after this. Maybe, just maybe, peace waits on the other side. In death.

YOU WALK THROUGH THE DENSE, MILKY FOG, EACH REVERBERATING IN AN ECHO THAT NEVER QUITE SETTLES. The air is cool, feather-light, whispering like distant memories. Is this heaven? The question circles in your mind, unspoken. If it is, where is Jake? A quiet laugh escapes your lips, hollow. He couldn’t have done enough wrong to land in hell, you think, the hint of humor biting through your longing. Yet, the anticipation twists your heart—an ache that makes you want to see him so desperately.

You try to call out, “Jake?” but the sound stays trapped in your chest, choked by the thick fog. Another step forward and there’s nothing but endless white, stretching out, swallowing you whole. Your breath catches; suddenly, the air thins, compressing your lungs, squeezing out every ounce of oxygen. You gasp, your hands clawing at the invisible force stealing your breath. It feels like drowning in emptiness.

Then—without warning—everything shifts. White light erupts around you, blinding and all-consuming. You brace for oblivion, muscles tensing for an end you’re sure is near. But instead, there’s a softness beneath you—a mattress that cradles you like an embrace you forgot.

Your eyes snap open, pupils adjusting to the familiar pale ceiling. It’s your ceiling. Your shared room. The bed, the faint scent of Jake’s cologne still lingering in the sheets, as if he just left. You sit up, heart thundering, hands brushing over your body frantically. No pain, no bruises, no broken bones—nothing. You’re whole, intact.

Then the realization hits you like cold water, and your fingers tremble as you pull them away.

“What the…?” you murmur, eyes darting around, seeking answers that the silent room won’t give. Your gaze falls to the phone on the bedside table, its screen blank and mocking in its stillness. You grab it, breath hitching as the time blinks to life.

January 29th, 2024. 6:30 a.m.

A shiver races down your spine. The date stares back at you, sharp and impossible. You set the phone down, legs feeling weak as you stand and approach the mirror. Your reflection isn’t that of a woman who has been weeping endlessly. Your eyes, dry and wide, reflect confusion rather than the storm of emotions that you carry.

“Is this one of those flashes they say you see before death?” Your voice trembles as the words escape, and you reach up to touch the cold glass. The girl looking back at you does the same, fingers meeting yours in a silent plea.

Then, your eyes catch it. The blue gel pen resting on the dresser—a pen that has no place outside your drawer. It’s a small thing, but the sight of it makes your breath hitch. Memories slice through you, sharp and unforgiving. That pen was the one you’d used for the note to Jake, the one that demanded space, an end.

“No,” you breathe out, shaking your head, bile rising in your throat. The pen feels like a cruel token, mocking you for what came after. In a swift motion, you snatch it up, the cold plastic biting into your skin as you grip it tight. The weight of your guilt, your regret, turns your stomach, and with a sudden burst of anger, you hurl the pen into the trash, its clatter punctuating the silence like a final plea.

Chest heaving, you close your eyes. If this is some kind of twisted second chance, you don’t know if you should feel terror or relief. But the room, the sheets, the absence on the other side of the bed—everything points to one impossible truth.

You’re back.

But this isn't a romance novel, is it?

Your eyes trail back to the empty bed, where Jake should be. “Jake?” The name falls from your lips, hopeful, trembling, but the silence stretches on, suffocating.

Your heart thuds like a wild drumbeat, erratic and desperate, the rhythm matched only by the single hope that propels you forward: seeing Jake. Alive. Healthy. Breathing.

You practically jog out of the shared bedroom, your bare feet sliding slightly on the hardwood floor as you turn the corner. The guest room door is ajar, a sliver of dim light illuminating the narrow hallway. The pulse in your chest quickens, breaths shallower with each step until you reach the threshold. You pause, drawing in a trembling breath before stepping inside.

There he is. Jake. Lying on his side, dark hair fanned messily over the pillow, the soft rise and fall of his chest hypnotic in its simplicity. Relief washes over you so powerfully that your knees almost buckle. You inch closer, careful not to make a sound. The blanket is snug around his torso, exposing his bare, muscular chest—the way he prefers when he’s alone. Your throat tightens at the sight, familiar yet so foreign now.

Your hand, almost on its own accord, hovers over his face, fingers trembling as you place them under his nose. The soft, warm breath that meets your touch is enough to sting your eyes with unshed tears. Your hand drifts down, resting against his chest, where you can feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat—a rhythm you thought you’d never sense again.

Jake stirs, the sudden shift pulling you out of your trance. His eyelids flutter open, dark eyes glazed with sleep but sharpening as they land on you. He blinks once, then again, brows drawing together.

“What are you doing?” His voice, rough with sleep, carries a note of confusion that makes your hand fall away as though burned.

“I-I…” The words snag in your throat, scrambling to make sense of the madness. How could you possibly explain? Your eyes dart nervously to the floor, heat searing your cheeks as you mutter, “I missed your kisses.”

The room freezes. You can feel the weight of his gaze, heavy with disbelief. He shifts, sitting up, and the blanket slips down to his waist, revealing the sharp lines of his torso. Your eyes betray you, flickering over the familiar planes before darting away in embarrassment.

“But… we never kiss,” he says, voice low and edged with confusion. The statement slices through you, painfully reminding you of the distance you both had grown used to.

“I know... I...” you whisper, fingers clenching into fists at your sides. The silence stretches, heavy, until the sharp trill of his phone alarm shatters it. Jake’s attention shifts, eyes narrowing as he leans to silence it. When he looks up again, the space where you stood is empty.

You rush back to your room, shutting the door behind you with a soft thud, heart hammering in your chest. Sliding down until you sit with your back pressed against the cool wood, you cover your flushed face with shaking hands. Your pulse thunders in your ears, mixing with the replay of his sleepy voice, the fleeting touch of his warmth.

Is this really the past? The question festers, tugging at the edges of logic, but the ache in your chest and the rawness of your emotions tell you it is. And if so, this year holds one horrifying certainty: Jake’s death.

The mere thought twists something deep inside you, bringing back the soul-crushing grief, the endless nights of regret. You glance down at your wrist, breath catching as your eyes lock on the ink-black date that marks it: November 4th. The day Jake dies.

Frantically, you rub at the skin, as if the stubborn mark will simply smudge away under your touch. But it doesn’t. The date remains, stark and immovable, taunting you.

A shiver crawls up your spine, but then a thought—a glimmer of defiance—roots itself.

What if you change it? What if this was given to you, not as a cruel joke, but a chance to rewrite what went so terribly wrong? To love him in a way you never did and save him from the fate that once tore your entire world apart.

“I can do this,” you whisper, determination threading into your voice. The regret may have once paralyzed you, but now it fuels you. If you only have until that date, then every second will be spent fighting fate, no matter how impossible it seems.

THE SOFT MURMUR OF THE COUPLE’S CONVERSATION DRIFTS DOWN THE STERILE HOSPITAL CORRIDOR, brushing against your ears like a whispered secret. The woman lies propped against crisp white pillows, her leg encased in a cast, eyes fixed on her partner with a blend of exhaustion and comfort. He leans forward, fingers interlaced with hers, voice low and tender.

“Can you please see what's wrong?” he asks, eyes glistening with concern. He gently squeezes her hand, words spilling out as quiet reassurances. “You're doing so well, love. It's going to be okay.”

A tight warmth coils in your chest as you approach, a familiar pang of bittersweetness shadowing the sight. The love, the unwavering devotion-it's moments like these that remind you why you cherish your job. The fragility of life, held together by threads of connection, has always moved you, even when those threads unraveled in your own life.

When you started nursing, blood was your greatest fear, the sight once enough to turn your stomach. Time had softened those edges, transforming anxiety into steady resolve. It was also during those early years when you married Jake, the man whose smile was warm enough to banish shadows but whose presence now only haunted your memories. The marriage had lasted five years before everything shattered with the crash.

No. Stop. The thought rushes at you like a wave, cold and suffocating. You grit your teeth, eyes burning as you push it down, push him down, refusing to let the grief claw at you. He's alive here, in this fragile present you've been thrust into. Don't let the past bleed into now.

“Sure,” you say softly, the practiced smile you wear settling on your face. You reach out, fingers moving gently over the girl's cast, checking the edges, ensuring everything is as it should be. She nods in silent gratitude, eyes fluttering shut with relief as her partner exhales.

The end of your shift arrives with the deep hues of twilight stretching across the sky. The drive home is long, punctuated by the soft rumble of the engine and the anxious thrum of your thoughts. Your fingers drum against the steering wheel, tapping out a nervous rhythm. Avoid home, your mind suggests, listing off a million errands you suddenly think of, any excuse to delay the inevitable.

But the excuses run dry when you're standing in front of your door, keys cold against your palm. The air outside is crisp, biting at your cheeks as you draw a deep breath and hold it. The weight of the morning—Jake's sleepy, questioning eyes and the ghost of your impulsive words-hangs between you and the door.

“Is it too late to back down?” The whisper escapes your lips, trembling in the chilly silence. You picture his expression, the puzzled furrow of his brow as he replayed your words. The way his fingers brushed over his phone, gaze lifted just in time to see you flee. He isn't stupid. Jake never was.

With a sigh, you slip the key into the lock, the click loud and final. The door opens, and warmth spills out to meet you, along with the faint scent of his cologne. Your pulse quickens as you step inside, the hum of your heartbeat louder than the quiet creak of the floor under your weight.

Don't run, you tell yourself, even as the urge coils tight in your muscles. You close the door behind you.

As you push open the front door, the faint glow of the television casts flickering shadows across the living room. There he is-your husband, Jake, reclined on the couch, eyes fixed intently on the news. His brows knit slightly as a montage of suited politicians gestures on screen, their voices droning promises as hollow as a whisper in the wind.

He is basically watching those politicians give some weird and untrue promises for the sake of votes.

How romantic. How normal. The bitter thought twists in your chest. But it isn't. Nothing about this is normal. Why would he be watching the news, of all things? Then, a pang of irony hits you like a wave. How hypocritical, you think. You promised Jake your forever in a ceremony that now feels like an echo. The vows shared between you had been spoken out loud but never truly lived.

You shake the memory away, an old wound you refuse to pick at as you step inside, the floor cool under your feet. Jake doesn't notice you at first, his attention locked on the screen, oblivious to the fact that the person who left him a note asking for space now stands in the doorway, wrestling with the tension roiling inside her.

“Hey,” you finally say, the word falling between you like an anchor. It comes out awkward, unsure, a fragile hope that he won't read too much into it. But Jake's eyes flick to yours, a spark of recognition cooling to something unreadable.

“You're back home?” His voice is measured, neither warm nor cold, but there's a tightness to it that you can't ignore. He shifts, the blue glow of the screen catching the sharp line of his jaw as he waits for your response.

The note. You had slipped it into his hand, asking for a break from a marriage four years deep but hollow. Your heart thuds in your chest, fingers clenched at your side as you speak before fear can pull the words back.

“The note-I take it back. I don't want a break from you or this relationship, Jake.”

The silence that follows is heavy, broken only by the low hum of the news anchor's voice. His eyes search yours, a hint of disbelief darkening the warm brown you once memorized. “Why?” The question slices through the quiet, clipped and cautious. You almost flinch at the hardness there, a wall built brick by brick in your absence.

“Because I don't want to stay away from you.” Your voice trembles, raw honesty exposed between you like an open wound. Jake's eyes widen slightly, the stoic mask cracking as a flush creeps across his cheeks.

“Y-You're blushing?” The soft, astonished laugh tumbles out of you, a momentary break in the storm that makes you feel like you're standing on the edge of something new. The corners of his mouth twitch, the faintest sign of a smile, but he shakes his head.

“No, I'm not. I'm just... cold,” he mutters, the lie transparent.

“Sure, sir. You're just cold.” You chuckle, sinking onto the floor beside the couch, knees drawn up as you hug them close. The laughter is sharp, almost giddy, the sound foreign in the room that has held so many silences.

Jake watches you, confusion settling into his features, the red on his cheeks fading as he leans forward, elbows on his knees. “You're acting weird,” he murmurs, the words half swallowed, uncertain.

“How am I acting weird if I'm seeing my husband show some attraction to me, which isn't platonic, for the first time?” The jest slips out, tinged with sincerity, but it brings a hush over both of you. The truth stands stark between you, glaring and painful. For a moment, neither of you speak, each of you weighed down by memories, by the heavy knowledge of what's been lost and what still aches to be found.

But determination flares in your chest, a stubborn warmth. So what if love had been absent before? So what if promises were half-kept and hearts guarded? You could start again. You could relearn how to be two flawed people willing to try. Your gaze meets Jake's, the hope in your eyes unyielding.

Don't let go, you silently plead. Let this be the start of something real.

Jake clears his throat, a subtle attempt to dissolve the tension settling over the living room like a blanket too heavy to lift. His fingers fidget, running nervously over the seam of the couch as he shifts his gaze downward. There you are, still seated on the floor, legs tucked to one side, eyes catching the soft glow from the TV. Cute, he thinks, the word rolling silently through his mind, too heavy with unsaid truths to speak aloud.

“So...” The word escapes him, thin and unfinished, hovering in the air. His eyes flit over your face, searching for a reaction. The awkwardness clings to the silence, but you don't falter.

“So?” you echo, your tone a notch steadier, holding the slight tremor that betrays your effort. You lean forward just slightly, a gesture that feels braver than it is. If courage could rewrite fate, you'd wield it now, not just for yourself, but for him. For Jake, who might not know the sharp edge of reality that's cut you.

He rubs the back of his neck, glancing to the side where the blue light paints his profile in soft, wavering lines. “You know... Semi's birthday is next week.” His words stumble, trailing off as if second-guessing their own existence. But you aren't in the dark. You know exactly what this moment leads to.

“Yes, I'd love to go shopping for gifts for her,” you respond, your voice quick and practiced. His eyes widen, caught off guard, the surprise stark against his usual composed expression. The tension in his jaw slackens, and he blinks, unsure if he heard you right.

“Excuse me?” He stares at you, the faint crease between his brows deepening.

“Isn't that what you were about to ask?” You tilt your head slightly, a small smile playing at your lips, testing him. He hesitates, realizing that denial means trouble, but his face softens into a relieved kind of acceptance.

“No, no... of course. You could... accompany me to shop for Semi's birthday presents.” His voice picks up, the uncertainty lifting as he finds the path back to normalcy. He notices your smile widening, the tension slipping just enough to let him breathe.

“Okay then, see you tomorrow, husband.” The word slips from you, unbidden, laced with a warmth that surprises even you as you turn on your heel. You make your way toward the guest room, feet padding softly against the floor. Jake's brows knit again, eyes following your form until you pause, hand on the frame of the doorway.

“Why are you heading to the guest room?” His question is quick, a thread of confusion laced with something else-something vulnerable.

“Because we sleep apart, and I wouldn't want my husband's back to break on that stiff, rough bed. The sheets aren't even comfortable,” you say, voice light but with an edge that dares him to react. You step into the room, but glance over your shoulder with eyes that glimmer, a playful smirk pulling at your lips. “Besides, I'd rather you break your back or get tired doing me than struggling on a bed.”

His jaw drops, eyes wide with stunned silence as the door closes between you. Jake sits back, eyes fixed on the now-empty hallway, replaying the moment in disbelief. The wife who barely spoke above a whisper at their wedding, who tiptoed through years of silence, had just turned the tables with a single teasing line. His pulse hammers beneath the stillness.

What on earth just happened?

“ARE YOU TELLING ME Y/N JUST TURNED INTO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON?” Jay's voice, casual yet curious, echoes through the phone. He's speaking to Jake, who shifts from foot to foot, eyes glancing around the boutique as he waits for you to finish picking out a dress for his niece. The sound of soft music drifts around him, mixing with murmurs of other shoppers.

“Exactly that!” Jake's voice comes out louder than intended, drawing looks from the store's staff. A woman in a sleek uniform, brows raised in disapproval, approaches with a pointed glare.

“Sir, please keep your voice down or refrain from talking altogether,” she says, sternly but professional.

Jake's ears burn as embarrassment blooms across his face. “Yeah, I'm sorry” he mutters, running a hand through his hair.

Through the phone, Jay's laughter rings clear and unapologetic. “You seriously got told off by staff? Man, you're killing me!” Jay's chuckles fade into a smirk that Jake can practically hear. Jay's the same as he's always been-playful, relentless, the older brother who teases but listens when it counts.

“Fine, fine, I'll stop. Tell me what you mean by Y/N changing, just... keep it PG, will you?” Jay's tone is teasing, but curiosity laces through.

Jake's jaw tightens, eyes scanning the store for you as if your sudden return would put him on the spot. “There's nothing intimate going on between us,” he blurts, the words a knee-jerk reaction. His chest tightens with the memory of you resting your hand on him in your sleep last week, the way warmth had crept through him then. He clears his throat. “I mean, she's talking to me more, being... sweet. She listens. It's almost... submissive.”

“I told you, no bedroom details!” Jay chimes in, sarcasm sharp enough to make Jake's teeth clench.

“THIS IS NOT A BEDROOM DETAIL!!!” Jake retorts, frustration coloring his tone. It earns him another hard look from the store associate across the room, who pointedly glances over her glasses. Jake sighs and mouths an apology again, shoulders drooping as he lowers his voice.

“What I mean is, she's more... attentive. She's not arguing as much. It's like she's listening to me for the first time.”

Jay's voice softens, just a hint of seriousness slipping through. “Isn't that how she always is with others?”

“Yeah, with everyone else. Just not with me,” Jake admits, the admission heavy with a history neither of them mention.

“Interesting.” Jay's reply is contemplative, but before he can say more, Jake's voice interrupts, distorted through the line. “Oh shoot, she's coming back. I'll call you later.”

As the call ends, Jake pockets his phone, glancing up just in time to see you walking back with a smile. Jay, on the other side of the city, sets his phone down, a smirk playing at his lips as he thinks of sharing this tidbit with his wife later. Whatever was happening between his brother and sister-in-law, it was about to get even more intriguing.

On the other side, Jake stands, a mixture of amusement and curiosity on his face as you hold up a tiny pink dress. It's perfectly frilly, fit for a little girl. But all he can think is how charming it would look in a size for you—a thought that makes him shake his head, realizing how ridiculous it sounds.

“So, what do you think? Should I get this for Semi?” you ask, eyes sparkling with anticipation. There's already a growing collection of clothes for his niece in your arms, a reminder of how you've embraced being part of his family.

“Are you getting all of them?” he asks, more out of shock than judgment. He never imagined children's clothes could come with such hefty price tags.

“Yes, why? Is this too much? I can cover it if—”

Before you can finish, he interrupts, affronted. “I'll pay. It's for my lady, after all.”

The statement hangs in the air, not romantic as he'd intended but awkward, making your brows twitch slightly. You resist the urge to grimace, forcing a polite smile instead.

A staff member, the same one who had shushed Jake earlier, walks over with an unimpressed expression, exchanging a silent, almost comic glare with him. She gave Jake a look that said 'you're weird and I don't want to talk to you'

'what have I ever done to you' was the look that Jake presented back to the staff before she looked away. You glance between them, slightly confused. Then Jake clears his throat, moving the conversation forward.

“Do you have a similar dress in a bigger size?” His voice drops to almost a whisper. He feels self-conscious asking, but the idea has stuck.

The staff member blinks, taken aback. “Excuse me?” She tilts her head, uncertain if she heard right.

“Yeah, do you have something like this,” Jake gestures at the dress in your hands, “but, you know, for an adult?” A flush of red creeps across his cheeks as he points to you. The staff member nods after a moment, walking off to search, while you stand there stunned, watching her go.

“Why are you buying something for me? Semi’s dress is already pricey. A woman's size will be—”

“It's just a dress,” he interrupts with a small sigh, eyes softening. “Think of it as a gift.”

“But today isn't anything special.”

“Maybe not. But I'd like to make it special,” he replies, voice lowering. “I haven't given you anything since our wedding. That was four years ago.” His words carry a quiet vulnerability as he looks at you, taller and more serious than you expect. You hold his gaze before shifting and mumbling a reluctant, “Fine,” looking away to hide the way your cheeks warm.

The staff returns holding a similar dress, but in an adult size. It's pink, short, and undeniably cute-something that looks a little too daring for your style.

“Will this do?” she asks.

“Absolutely not,” “hell yeah,” you and Jake say in unison. The staff's eyebrows raise as she turns to you, sensing you as the more level-headed one.

“We're not buying it,” you insist, giving Jake a look.

He doubles down. “We are.”

“Jake, no.”

“Why not?”

“It's too short!” you argue, exasperated. He shrugs, eyes softening as he counters, “It's knee-length. That's normal.”

With a dramatic sigh, you roll your eyes and give in. But you don't try it on in the store; the idea of wearing it in front of him makes your heart thud with a mix of nerves and embarrassment. After all, you've barely even shared a bed in weeks—how could you possibly show him a dress like that now?

JAKE’S HEART STOPS FOR A MOMENT AS HE TAKES IN THE SIGHT BEFORE HIM. You, standing in the baby pink dress that hugs your figure just right, with its soft fabric brushing just above your knees. The playful, shy smile you wear as you twirl slightly sends a wave of warmth through him. He never expected to see you like this; the reality strikes him so suddenly that it leaves him breathless.

The laughter of Semi fills the room as she runs around in her matching pink dress, giggling and pulling you along by the hand. The soft glow of the post-birthday celebration lights casts a golden hue, warming up the atmosphere in the living room. Jake sits on the edge of the couch, one hand resting on his knee as he watches you and Semi, his gaze softening with an emotion he hasn't felt in what seems like ages.

A gentle nudge breaks his trance, and he turns to see his mother looking at him with raised brows and a hopeful gleam. “When are you two going to have kids?” she asks, her voice light but laced with longing.

The air in the room shifts. You pause mid-spin, eyes darting to Jake with a look of surprise. This isn't part of the script of your past life; this question throws you off balance, the sudden attention making your heart race.

Jake's father, seated across with a glass of wine in his hand, lets out a dramatic sigh. “I think I'll be long gone before I see any grandchildren from this one,” he jokes, though the weight behind it is unmistakable. The statement slices through the room's cheerful mood, leaving an awkward silence in its wake. Jake's jaw tightens, a subtle tension creeping up his spine. He wants kids too, he really does—but not in a house that feels as unstable as theirs has become.

Before he can respond, you surprise everyone, including yourself. “We're trying,” you say, the words slipping out with practiced ease, even as your pulse pounds. The room freezes, all eyes turning toward you in shock.

Jake's eyebrows lift in silent question, but he plays along, shifting to put on an unreadable expression. He nods, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips as he covers the uncertainty boiling beneath. The room shifts back into a mixture of excitement and surprise.

“Is that true? You're both trying?” Jake's mother's eyes glisten, her hope rekindled as she looks between you and her son.

“Really?” Jake's father echoes, leaning forward, his earlier sarcasm replaced by genuine interest.

Jay, standing near the fireplace, furrows his brow, lips parting in disbelief. Only last week, Jake had confided in him about how distant and weird things had become between you two.

Jake forces a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah... we've been trying for a while.” The lie feels heavy in his mouth, and he shoots you a look that says, Why'd you lie about that?

Your sister-in-law, Jieun, raises her hand, pointing at you with wide eyes. “Since when?” she blurts out, unable to contain her shock.

Jake stutters, “It's been a-a month,” the answer sounding rehearsed yet shaky. He glances at you again, his eyes pleading for an explanation that won't come.

The conversation quickly shifts into an excited buzz, with well-meaning wishes from your in-laws filling the air. You catch Jake's gaze, and despite the tight-lipped smile you give the family, there's a flicker of humor in your eyes. The absurdity of it all makes you want to laugh.

You both know the truth: the notion of trying for a child is impossibly far from reality.

Heck, it was funny for you to watch.

You were still a virgin. You two didn't even kiss more than once in those four years and they expect a baby to suddenly pop out of you?

And once the party winds down, you find yourself sitting on the couch with Semi by your side. Her wide, curious eyes shine with excitement as she swings her legs back and forth. At just four years old, she's a bundle of endless questions and innocent wonder.

You smile, reaching over to gently ruffle her soft, dark hair. “Does the birthday girl like her dress?” you ask, voice playful.

Semi beams, glancing down at the pink ruffled dress with pride. “It's so pretty,” she chirps, then looks up at you with a thoughtful expression. “But yours is prettier. You always look pretty, Aunty.”

Your heart melts, and you chuckle softly. “Aww, you learned how to give compliments, huh?” you tease, watching as her cheeks turn rosy and she averts her gaze to fiddle with her fingers.

“Aunty!” she whines, wanting you to stop teasing. Her eyes sparkle with mischief as she leans in closer and motions for you to do the same. With a curious tilt of your head, you move closer, letting her whisper into your ear. “Will you eat a baby to have a baby?” she asks, voice so serious it makes you freeze for a moment.

You stifle a laugh, your eyes crinkling at the edges. Gently cupping her cheek, you whisper back, “No, sweetie. That's not how it works. But that's grown-up stuff, and we don't talk about it now, do we?”

Semi giggles, her little fingers playing with a toy she received from her grandmother. The sight makes your chest tighten in a bittersweet way. You can almost picture your mother-in-law doting on a future child, fussing over toys and tiny clothes. The thought sends a shiver down your spine, making you shake your head lightly as if to dispel the image.

But a small part of you can't help but smile at the idea, a blush rising to your cheeks. The dream is distant, almost unreachable, and not yet yours to claim.

When you and Jake step out into the cold night, the air nips at your exposed legs below your knees. The dress he had picked out for you, delicate and pastel pink, offers little warmth, and the heels are beginning to pinch with every step. You trail behind him, taking careful, aching strides to avoid twisting your ankle.

Jake notices, stopping suddenly to turn toward you, eyes scanning your shivering frame. “What’s wrong?” His gaze softens as he realizes how exposed you are, legs trembling from the chill. Without hesitating, he shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders. The sudden warmth is welcome, but your teeth still chatter as you mutter, “Wish I had something covering my legs instead.”

He exhales, half exasperated, half amused, before a wry smile forms. “Should I carry you like a princess? You’d be warm then.”

Surprised, you bite back a retort, matching his teasing tone with confidence. “Maybe you should.”

Jake’s eyebrows shoot up, stunned. “Wait, what?”

“Chill, I was just joking,” you mumble, looking down at the ground. But before you know it, he’s stopped again, this time dropping to one knee. Your eyes widen in shock. “WHAT THE HELL?” you blurt out, stepping back in reflex, heat rising to your cheeks at the unexpected gesture. (more so because you believed he was trying to look up your dress)

Jake looks up, mildly annoyed but patient. “I’m helping you,” he says simply. Before you can argue, he pulls out a pair of slippers from a little carry bag he had brought from home. The realization hits, softening your expression as he glances up. “Lift your leg.”

You comply, feeling foolish for your earlier outburst. He slips the heels off your feet and replaces them with the soft slippers, careful and precise as if proving he has no ulterior motive. The chill in the air suddenly seems less biting.

“You had these the whole time?” you ask, voice softer now, eyes wide with realization. He places the heels into the carry bag, stands up, and meets your gaze with a smirk.

“Yeah. Thought you might need them,” he says, a hint of smugness in his tone. You’re about to thank him when he reminds you with a mock-accusing look, “And you were ready to accuse me of being a pervert.”

The memory makes you feel small, but you muster a sheepish, “Sorry.”

He shakes his head, a touch of amusement in his eyes as the two of you start walking again, your steps now confident and comfortable. His jacket around your shoulders holds a warmth that seems to seep straight to your heart.

“So...” Jake’s voice cuts through the silence, the question you've been dreading finally arriving. “Why did you lie about... us trying for a baby?” His tone is cautious, probing.

You sigh, the answer already clear in your mind. “It was the only way to get them to stop bothering us,” you admit. A pause follows, your gaze flitting up to meet his. You don’t dare to say more, not with your secret burden looming—coming from a future where he is no longer alive and your mission is to keep him safe.

Jake hums in agreement, the tension easing a bit. “I can’t argue with that.” A comfortable silence settles between you, only broken by the sound of your footsteps. He glances at you again and asks, “Are you hungry?”

As if on cue, your stomach grumbles. Relief flashes across his face before he reaches out, taking your hand and leading you forward. The two of you approach a small, tucked-away restaurant, its sign faded but familiar. Jake’s eyes light up. “You have to try the cold coffee from that café across the street,” he points out, the fondness in his voice unmistakable.

You nod, memories flickering back. His odd, endearing preferences were things you never forgot. “Fish curry with plain rice and some shrimp on the side?” you guess, eyes twinkling with recognition.

Jake’s head snaps to you, surprise clear as day. He stares, a laugh escaping him as he shakes his head. “Since when did you start memorizing my favorites?”

You had heard about his fav things to eat from your brother in law, Jay. But Jake never said it to you himself so the boy was pretty much stunned when you literally memorised them, as if you were waiting to flex this whole time.

You offer a small, knowing smile. “I have my ways.”

The waiter arrives promptly with your orders, and the rich aroma fills the space between you and Jake. He takes a bite, but pauses, eyes drifting to you with a soft, contemplative expression. “We’ve never done this before…” he murmurs, his tone a mix of realization and gentle amusement.

You tilt your head, savoring a piece of shrimp. “You mean this date?” you ask, half-smiling.

“Yeah. I guess that’s what I mean,” he replies, taking a moment before continuing, as if gathering the courage. “I like it. I like how we are now.” He takes a sip of water, and the way he watches you is tender, raw. His hand slides across the table to rest over yours, fingers warm against your skin.

“I don’t know what changed, but I…” He hesitates, eyes locking with yours, a profound intensity that silences you. “I like how we’re not avoiding each other anymore, how we talk instead of fighting over every little thing.”

The sincerity in his words pierces through you, tugging at memories of a future where his absence left a hollow ache in your chest. The pain you’d carried, the distance, the loss—all of it feels heavy in this moment, but now, something else unfurls within you. An unexpected warmth that swells as his thumb brushes over your knuckles.

He draws in a shaky breath. “I know I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes, maybe too many, and that’s why we kept drifting apart in those four years we were married. But I want us to stay like this. Is that too much to ask for?” His voice cracks, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

The depth of emotion he shows takes your breath away, and your vision blurs as your own tears spill over. The raw honesty in his confession reaches a part of you that had long been buried under grief and guilt. But this isn’t grief—it’s something different, a warmth that wraps around you and fills the spaces that loss once consumed.

“Jake…” you whisper, voice trembling. He blinks rapidly, tears tracing paths down his cheeks as he tries to manage a laugh, a hand lifting to wipe at his face. “Did I go too overboard?” he chuckles, awkwardly, brushing his fingers over yours, an attempt to ease the intensity.

But you can’t answer with words, your heart too full. Instead, you wipe your own tears away, watching him as he takes a deep breath and resumes eating, eyes still red-rimmed, his emotions raw and vivid between you. The silence that follows is... a little satisfying this time around. Your chest tightens, and you realize this feeling—this unexpected, overwhelming tenderness—is the spark you hadn’t felt in what feels like forever.

The confession... It did something to you. It made you feel things or you believed so.

You reach for his hand, this time without hesitation, and hold on as if anchoring both of you to this moment. A shared glance tells him everything you can’t yet put into words: you’re here, with him, and for now, that’s enough.

AS THE DAYS PASSED FOLLOWING THAT UNEXPECTED DINNER, a subtle shift had occurred between you and Jake. It had been a month since then, and despite your hectic lives—you, a dedicated nurse, and him, an ambitious lawyer—something had changed. You continued to sleep separately, a necessity due to your conflicting schedules. Late nights saw you returning home to find Jake already asleep, and early mornings had him leaving before you awoke. This unspoken arrangement was born out of mutual respect for each other’s rest.

However, the reminder of the future haunted you. The date on your wrist, November 4th, hadn’t faded or smudged. It remained stark and vivid, a grim reminder of the fate you knew awaited Jake, filling you with silent dread.

Despite your busy lives, the dinner at that small restaurant had stirred something unspoken between you. A shared tenderness had taken root, and in the brief pauses between work, you found yourself drawn to those moments that whispered of possibilities—moments that spoke of a bond that hadn’t existed before.

The room feels charged with an unspoken tension as you stand there, watching Jake. The question slips from your lips, “Are we sleeping separately again?” masking the tremble in your voice with an attempt at confidence. Jake’s eyes meet yours, an amused smile playing on his lips as he tilts his head. “Do you want to sleep with me?” he asks, casual yet knowing.

You stammer, trying to find an answer that won’t reveal how vulnerable you feel. “No—yes—but—” The uncertainty in your voice makes him chuckle softly, the sound sending warmth through your chest. The realization of your feelings for him washes over you again, clear and inescapable.

“It’s normal to want to sleep with your husband. Don’t worry,” he says reassuringly. His tone is light, yet there’s an edge of tenderness as he turns and walks to the bedroom. He pauses at the doorway, looking back with an expectant eyebrow raise, and you follow.

Inside, the dim light casts soft shadows. The atmosphere feels different tonight, heightened by the realization that, while you’ve shared this space before, this moment feels profoundly intimate. He hesitates for a moment, the usual playful confidence in his manner replaced by a quiet consideration.

Should he lie down first?

Wait for you?

Or speak?

“You don’t need to worry. I won’t touch you unless you want me to. We could even put a pillow between us if you prefer,” he says in a rush, trying to ease the tension. But his words leave you both flushed. You respond, flustered yet honest, “No—you can touch me—I mean...”

Jake’s eyes widen, and a surprised silence falls over you both, broken only by your slightly quickened breaths.

Finally, you break it, murmuring, “So... do we sleep?” You wish the dim light hides your expression, but Jake’s shifting on the bed signals that he’s as unsettled as you are. He lies down first, and you follow, settling into the bed with a space that feels simultaneously too close and too distant.

Minutes pass as the darkness deepens around you. You’re aware of every sound, every breath he takes, and the slight rustle of sheets as you both try to find comfort. The knowledge that he’s staying dressed out of respect doesn’t escape you, and neither does the chill that seeps through the room, despite the blanket. It’s enough to make sleep elusive, even as your heart drums with quiet, unspoken hope.

The air feels thick with tension as neither of you can fall asleep, despite the dim light and the shared silence. Jake gently sits up, his voice breaking the stillness. “I’ll get changed into my night clothes—this is uncomfortable. You should get changed too,” he suggests. His words are practical, but they stir a shyness inside you. The thought of wearing shorts around him makes you feel self-conscious, though the blanket and darkness give you some comfort.

With a deep breath, you agree. You grab your oversized top and shorts, retreating to the bathroom to change. When you return, Jake is already asleep, dressed in a soft T-shirt and shorts. His peaceful expression makes a pang of guilt settle in your chest. You feel both relief and unease at the same time, knowing he’s so close yet so far away.

You lie there, tense in the stillness of the night. Jake’s hand lands instinctively on your stomach, the warmth of his touch sending a jolt through you. You hold your breath, carefully shifting his hand away. Just when you think you're safe, his leg shifts under the blanket, pressing gently between your legs. A rush of heat floods your chest as you gently push his leg away, silently exhaling in relief.

In the quiet, you watch him sleep. His messy hair, a small trail of drool escaping his lips—something inside you stirs. Without thinking, you bring your thumb to wipe away the drool, brushing it lightly against your shirt. You stare at him for a moment, your heart racing in ways you can’t fully understand.

For Jake though,

He wakes to find you so close, your noses nearly touching. A small breath escapes him as he pulls back, but then he notices your body, curled into him—one of your legs and arms wrapped around him, as if clinging to his warmth to escape the cold. You’re nestled so comfortably against his chest, and though a small part of him wants to get up, he finds himself content in the moment.

He stares at you, watching as he slips his fingers through your hair, the quiet intimacy settling around him like a comforting blanket. When you stir, half-awake, he expects you to pull away. But you don’t. Instead, you bury yourself further into his chest, and he smiles, a little amused by your unconscious need for closeness.

“Morning... Baby,” he says softly, though he’s hoping you’ll move just enough for him to slip out of bed.

“Morningg,” you murmur, nuzzling his chest. He notices how you don’t seem to mind the nickname, a small sign that you’re still in that dreamy, sleepy state. He wants to pull away, but he doesn't want to disturb you, so he asks, “Can you move a bit, baby?”

You barely stir, your arms and legs still tangled with his. “Too cold,” you mumble, your voice muffled against his shirt.

“I know, baby. I’ll turn the heater on for you, is that good?” he whispers, his voice tender. He’s careful not to wake you fully, knowing you won’t even remember this when you wake up.

An hour later, you wake up alone in the bed, the soft comforter still wrapped around your legs. You stretch and yawn, rubbing your eyes, only to hear the door creak open. Jake stands there, a plate in hand—an omelette and a fruit salad. You blink, unsure if you’re still dreaming, and pinch your cheek, just to make sure this isn’t some figment of your imagination.

“What's that?” you ask, your voice still thick with sleep.

“Breakfast in bed,” Jake says with a playful grin, setting the plate down in front of you.

“For me?” you ask, surprised and touched.

“Who else?” he replies with a shrug, like it's the most natural thing in the world.

“Why...?” You blink at him, unsure of why he's being so considerate, so affectionate.

“Why not?” he answers, teasing, but there’s a sincerity in his eyes that makes your heart flutter.

You stare at the food in front of you, but the nerves kick in. “Well, uhm... I haven’t brushed.”

“It’s okay,” he reassures, waving off your concerns.

“No, it’s not. It’s gross. I do care about germs,” you argue, a bit embarrassed. Before he can say anything else, you rush off to brush your teeth, feeling a little self-conscious. You quickly freshen up, brushing your teeth with the toothpaste, hoping that’ll help with the lingering awkwardness.

When you return, you take a bite, and the emotion hits you harder than you expect. You don’t quite know why, but the tenderness of his gesture fills you with gratitude, and a soft lump forms in your throat.

“Why?” you ask again, your voice shaky, as you sip some water. The question has been swirling in your mind ever since you saw him standing there, holding that plate.

“Hm?” he hums, genuinely confused, not fully understanding why you're so emotional.

“Why are you being so nice... and romantic?” You wince after speaking, regretting your words, but you can't take them back now.

Jake tilts his head, his smile fading slightly. “Like I said a month ago... I meant those words. I want us to stay like this... And not go back to how it was in those four years.. Are we really that immature to let it happen again? ” The vulnerability in his tone catches you off guard, and for a moment, you can see the hurt in his eyes.

It's raw, honest, and you feel a knot twist in your chest, not having a reply to his genuine question.

THE DAYS AND MONTHS THAT FOLLOW ARE UNEXPECTEDLY TENDER, filled with moments that remind you of what being husband and wife is meant to feel like. The shared smiles, lingering touches, and quiet mornings are sweeter than they have ever been, and for the first time in a long while, peace seems attainable. Yet, there is an undercurrent that stirs beneath it all—the date that looms, casting a shadow over your contentment.

November 4th.

With the month drawing nearer, your heart starts to tighten with an anxious grip. Paranoia seeps into the quiet moments, the fear of what November 4th could mean—what it has meant in the past—makes the days feel more fragile. Your mind races, replaying scenarios and doubts that you can’t shake off. Each sweet gesture, each kind word from him, is tinged with the knowledge that the date approaches, threatening to unravel everything you’ve rebuilt.

Jake’s expression is heavy with exhaustion, dark circles under his eyes hinting at the long day he’s had. You offer, “I’ll heat up the dinner,” and turn toward the kitchen, but he stops you with a gentle grasp around your wrist. Before you can react, he pulls you back, pressing you against the wall. The soft strains of a romantic song drift from the living room, creating an intimate, almost fragile atmosphere.

He’s close—closer than usual—and you feel the warmth radiating from his body as well as the subtle scent of his cologne. The proximity sends your pulse racing.

“Jake?” you say softly, confusion lacing your voice as you look up at him. His face is unreadable, the dim lighting casting a shadow over the tired lines of his features. His eyes meet yours, carrying an unspoken emotion.

“Mm?” he murmurs, his voice hushed, as if not to disturb the moment. His hands find their way around you, holding you securely against him, and he leans his chin on your head. The gesture feels protective, desperate even.

“What are you doing?” you ask, your words barely above a whisper, unsure if you’re seeking clarification or reassurance. His embrace tightens for a moment, and you feel his chest rise and fall against yours as he takes a deep breath.

“Can you stop calling me Jake?” he says quietly, the request landing softly, yet weighted.

Surprise flashes through you. “What do you want me to call you?” you ask, voice muffled against his shirt. The question feels vulnerable, as if shifting something fundamental between you both.

“I don’t know... something like... baby, darling, honey... or anything,” he admits, a subtle flush spreading across his cheeks despite the solemn tone. You catch the shy dip of his eyes, and a faint smile tugs at your lips.

“You’re being quite demanding,” you tease, looking up into his face. His lips part slightly as he considers your words.

“This isn’t being demanding,” he counters, pausing just long enough for the silence to underline his meaning. His eyes search yours, raw and full of an unnamed plea. “I just want to spend my last months with you, thinking we’re just... normal. Like any other couple.”

His words sink in, bringing with them an ache that spreads through your chest. The silence that follows is heavy, laced with all the things unsaid and the truth that’s pressing in on both of you. You lift a hand, letting your fingers brush the hair at the back of his neck. His eyes soften, dark lashes casting shadows against his skin as he watches you.

There’s something fragile in this moment, a bittersweet understanding passing between you that makes your throat tighten. The future looms, uncertain and unkind, but for now, you’re here, held close, suspended in the tender present.

Jake’s voice lowers, a tremor in its depths that betrays the weight of his words. “You might not believe me, but... I come from a reality where I’m dead. So, I hope we can at least be nice to each other in my last moments. Can you do that?”

A stunned silence follows, your breath catching in your throat as his confession hangs in the air. You believe him; how could you not when you come from the same reality? Eyes widening, you step back, raising your wrist to show the dark, unerasable mark: November 4th. The ink-like number seems to pulse, a constant reminder of a fate that binds you both.

Jake’s eyes mirror your shock. He releases you, just enough to reveal his own wrist. There it is, the same haunting date. The mark seems alive, almost mocking, as if counting down with every heartbeat.

Neither of you speaks for a moment, the silence heavy with shared grief and realization. The next second, you’re in his arms again, your face buried in his chest as he pulls you close, his own face pressed into your hair. The world around you blurs, reduced to the rapid thumping of your heart and the warmth of his embrace.

“I... please don’t... leave me this time,” you plead, your voice breaking under the weight of your fear. The memory of finding him lifeless in the world you came from, the coldness of that reality, rushes back with a cruel force.

“I will try,” he whispers, his voice barely steady as he runs a hand down your back in a soothing gesture. “We changed the relationship, right? So maybe... just maybe, we can avoid death too.”

You both stand there, unmoving as the moment stretches out. It feels absurd, two souls transported from a fractured future, now clinging to each other in the present in a fragile hope. Yet the thought of letting go is unbearable, so you don’t. For now, the reality of the present is enough.

JAKE’S FINGERS TREMBLE SLIGHTLY AS HE HOLDS OUT THE SMALL BOX, A HINT OF NERVOUSNESS CREASING HIS BROW. “This is for you.” His voice is softer than usual, his eyes searching yours for a response. The box is familiar, a relic from the present you left behind, steeped in memories. Inside is the ancestral ring, one that Jake’s mother entrusted to you after his death—a token that held more value than any wedding ring could.

“I wasn’t... couldn’t give it to you before, but now... I’d like you to have it.” His voice is almost a whisper as he takes your hand, slipping the cool metal onto your finger. His touch lingers, warm and careful, as if anchoring the moment between you.

You look down at the ring, its delicate design catching the dim light and glistening softly. The weight of it brings back a rush of memories that mix grief with an unexpected warmth. Meeting his gaze, you let a small, genuine smile curve your lips. “Thank you. After you… I mean, after your death, your mother gave it to me,” you say, voice thick with the past, “but I’m glad it’s you giving it to me now.”

The way his eyes widen before softening speaks volumes—acceptance, regret, and hope, all blending seamlessly as he draws you closer.

Jake’s expression shifts, a soft smile forming as he leans in, his body pressing yours gently against the bedroom wall. His breath mingles with yours, warm and scented faintly with his cologne. His eyes trace your features, holding a glimmer of something tender and fragile. You raise a brow in playful defiance, a silent challenge, and a sheepish smile tugs at his lips. Without another word, he cups your face, his thumb grazing your cheek, and leans in until the space between you disappears.

The first touch of his lips is tentative, testing. A shiver races down your spine as his mouth moves with a gentleness that makes your heart stutter. Your eyes flutter open for a second, catching the serene expression on his face before closing again as you respond, deepening the kiss. Your hands find their way to his shoulders, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as if anchoring yourself to reality.

When he finally breaks away, his forehead rests against yours, both of you breathing in short, uneven gasps. The room is silent except for the soft crackle of a song playing somewhere in the background. Jake’s eyes open, and in them, you see a question—a hesitation laced with anticipation. “Do you want to go further?” His voice, barely above a whisper, holds a vulnerability that makes your pulse quicken.

You exhale softly, a hint of a smile teasing your lips as you match his boldness. “How far can you go?” The playful edge in your voice makes him chuckle, low and breathy.

“As far as you want to go.” The words are a promise, and before you can respond, his lips capture yours again, more confident this time, as his hand moves to the strap of your dress, gently sliding it off of your shoulders.

THE NEXT FEW WEEKS PASS IN A COMFORTING CALM, the bond between you and Jake strengthening with each passing day. You're no longer weighed down by the regret of the past, but instead, you focus on cherishing the present. Yet, there's still a lingering unease.

Jake driving the car is something that continues to gnaw at you. It's not just a simple fear; it's the haunting memory of the future you came from, where that very action led to his tragic end. As November nears, the pressure builds. You look at the date on your wrist—November 4th—and the thought of losing him again, of it becoming reality, is too much to bear. Your chest tightens, and you feel a mix of helplessness and dread, hoping with every fiber of your being that this time, things will be different.

Jake offers a reassuring smile, the kind that tries to mask his own unease as he softly says, “Chill, I’ll be back in an hour, alright?” His hand moves up to gently smooth your hair, eyes soft with understanding as he takes in the worry etched across your face. You cling tighter to his arm, voice trembling as you ask, “Is it important?”

He nods, and the hopeful part of you crumbles. The instinct to keep him close, to refuse, is almost overwhelming. But before you can protest, he leans forward, placing a tender kiss on your forehead. His hands slip down to rest on your shoulders as he looks at you earnestly.

“I promise I’ll be back. Now, will my pretty wife give me a smile so I can come back even sooner?” The playful plea tugs at your lips, and despite the fear swirling inside, you manage a small, forced smile. He chuckles softly, ruffling your hair before turning to leave.

You trail behind him to the door, eyes glued to the taillights of his car as they fade down the street. The ache in your chest sharpens, and you glance down at the ancestral ring on your finger, tracing its smooth surface as if the touch alone could make your wish come true: Please, come back safely.

The minutes stretch painfully long, and every ten minutes, you can’t resist sending a text, the same anxious message: “If you’re okay, just send a heart emoji.” True to his word, Jake replies with a heart every time—until the fifty-minute mark.

The silence is deafening. Your heart thunders as you stare at your phone, willing the screen to light up. Nothing. The dread coils tighter, stealing the air from your lungs. You take a shaky breath, but it barely settles you. Panic sets in, and you hit the call button. The phone doesn’t connect; the ring tone never plays. Your chest tightens.

In desperation, you call Jay, your brother-in-law. His voice is laced with confusion as he picks up. “Jay, is Jake with you?” The silence that follows your frantic question only amplifies your fear. “No, why? What’s going on?” he asks, suddenly serious. Before you can answer, he cuts the call, sensing the urgency and attempting to help in any way he can.

The next hour drags like an eternity, your anxiety swallowing every rational thought. You pace the room, eyes darting to the clock, phone clenched in your shaking hand. Then, after what feels like a lifetime, you hear the distant purr of an engine. Your pulse stutters as Jake’s car comes into view, whole and unharmed.

But you don’t relax. Not until you see him. The door swings open, and there he is, frustration etched into his features as he steps inside. Your breath catches, relief and anger colliding within you.

Jake's expression softens as he speaks, keeping his voice low despite the frustration. “Why’d you call Jay over something like this? My phone died while I was working. I charged it and got caught up in the case. It’s embarrassing.”

Your eyes well up, the weight of worry turning to a sting of hurt. “So? It’s not important?” Your voice wavers, raw with emotion. “I was terrified, Jake! I didn’t want to lose you again. Sorry for being the clingy wife you’re ashamed of.”

Turning to leave, you barely make a step before he’s there, blocking your path. His eyes search yours, but instead of a defensive remark, he pulls you close, enveloping you in an embrace that tells you more than words could. His arms tighten, anchoring you to him as he murmurs in your ear, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s strange, but I promise I won’t say that again, okay?”

His breath is warm against your hair as he leans his cheek on your head, his heartbeat steady against your own erratic one. Despite the tension, you sense his understanding, a silent acknowledgment of your fear. He’s learning to hold your worry without judgment.

“I was so scared, Jake. I thought I’d lose you all over again.” Your voice cracks, and he feels the tremor in your body. He wants to say the right thing, anything to soothe the tremble in your words, but all he can do is hold you tighter.

Both of you are haunted by that date imprinted on your wrists, “November 4th.” A reminder that looms like an uninvited shadow, a constant whisper of what could happen.

THE DAY ARRIVES, a heavy silence filling the air between you and Jake. His promise lingers like a protective shield around you both: he won’t drive, he won’t leave. His presence is a balm for the fear that pulses in your chest. As the two of you snuggle on the couch, the soft glow of the TV playing a rom-com, you turn to him with a worried look, your voice low and unsure.

“What if something bad happens while we’re in the house?” you whisper, nuzzling into his warmth. The thought of losing him, of the world continuing without him, feels unbearable.

Jake shifts, his arm wrapping tighter around you as he looks down at you, his breath warm against your neck. “Nothing will happen. And if it does, I’ll protect you,” he assures, his tone strong and sure, though his own heart is heavy. He knows how much your fear weighs on you, and he wants to shoulder it for you.

But the thought of you living without him—he can’t imagine it. He brushes your hair from your face gently, his voice a soft promise. “I love you too much for that.” His words come out naturally, like it’s something he’s been holding back but feels right now to say. It’s the first time you hear him say it, and the weight of those words floods your heart with warmth, knowing this is real.

“I get it. I won’t put my life at risk,” he murmurs, though there’s a quiet uncertainty in his words, an unspoken truth that he would never let anything harm you—even at the cost of his own safety.

You glance up at him, your lips pressing together in a worried frown. “You better not,” you mumble, not able to let go of the fear completely. You’ve spent the whole day together, in the safety of your home, trying to ignore the impending dread that the date will pass and nothing will change. Watching TV, cooking together, each small moment a reminder of how much he means to you—and how fragile life can be.

You curl up closer to him, as if physically wrapping yourself around him can keep him safe. Your eyes glance at the clock, the seconds ticking by too slowly. Every moment spent together now feels like a treasure, and you want to hold on to it forever.

The two of you lie in bed, the soft glow of the nightlight casting a gentle warmth over your forms. His hand rests tenderly over yours, fingers interlocking. He watches you as you sleep, your face relaxed, peaceful. A quiet whisper escapes his lips: “I love you.” His eyes linger on your peaceful expression, your other arm still clinging to him as if you’re unwilling to let go even in sleep.

He leans over to turn off the lamp, and then his gaze falls to his wrist—where the date once was. It’s gone. A wave of disbelief washes over him. The tension that has gripped him for so long begins to melt away. Perhaps it wasn’t an omen after all, but a reminder that after November 4th, a new chapter awaited them both.

He takes a deep breath, reaching for your wrist to find the same thing: no date. Relief floods him, and he presses a soft kiss to your forehead, pulling you even closer into his arms, savoring the moment.

But he knows, as much as this moment feels like a new beginning, there will still be challenges ahead. The fear you carry about him driving is not something that will fade overnight. Your worry, rooted in a past he knows you can’t shake, will take time to heal. But for now, he holds you close, understanding, and promises silently that he’ll be patient, allowing you to find peace in your own time.

TWO MONTHS HAVE PASSED SINCE THE FATEFUL DATE, and though life has taken you and Jake through different stages, there’s an undeniable warmth between the two of you. Sitting at the family dinner table, surrounded by loved ones, the air is filled with laughter, conversation, and the quiet hum of joy.

Semi, now a cheerful five-year-old, eats her meal quietly, occasionally looking up with shy glances.

You glance over at Jake, noticing him take a deep breath as he prepares to speak, his hand resting on the table near yours. It’s clear he’s nervous, even though it’s just family. He clears his throat, the words finally tumbling out: “So… We’re having a baby.”

There’s a beat of silence.

Jake’s father scoffs, not giving him an ounce of reaction, while his mother rolls her eyes. “Oh, c’mon, you can fool us one time, not twice,” she says, clearly referencing the last family dinner, where you had tried to casually mention trying for a baby, only for him to play along. He felt the blame was entirely on him, but you knew the truth—it was a team effort.

You chuckle softly to yourself, leaning into Jake’s side, your heart fluttering at the thought of a new life, a new chapter. He meets your gaze, his lips curving into a small smile, even amidst the teasing.

This moment, while filled with playful mockery, marks something deeper. You’re finally here together, stronger and more united than ever before. And this new adventure? It’s the start of a new journey that no one can take from you.

"Really, Y/n’s pregnant. We're having a baby," Jake says, his voice laced with excitement. His mother, skeptical, eyes you closely. "Is that true?"

Without waiting for Jake’s confirmation, you nod, feeling his fingers intertwine with yours beneath the table, his touch calming your nerves.

"I won’t hesitate to beat your ass if this is fake," his dad grumbles, irritation mixing with a hint of hope.

Jay, barely containing his amusement at the scene, watches the family react, while Jake proudly pulls out the ultrasound pictures, revealing the truth. His parents take turns looking at the images, jaws dropping in surprise. Jay, knowing already, can’t help but chuckle.

"Father was starting to question your masculinity. Glad you proved him wrong," Jay teases, earning a gentle nudge from Jieun, urging him to keep it light.

"Wait... So there’s a grandkid on the way?" Jake’s mother recovers first, grinning with hopeful excitement. Jake nods, and your heart swells at the thought of everything that's to come. This moment, this family, it feels like the beginning of something truly special.

Jake’s mother leans forward, still processing, but the excitement is slowly bubbling up. “A grandchild? Really? My little boy having a little one? I’m going to spoil that baby so much.”

Jake chuckles, glancing at you. “Well, you already spoil Semi enough, so I guess it’s fair.”

“Hey, I’m a great grandma-in-training,” she quips, giving Semi an affectionate pat. “But if you two need any advice, I’m here.”

Your heart swells seeing the warmth in her eyes. But then, Jake’s dad, clearly trying to keep his cool, mutters, “I’ll believe it when I see a baby in my arms.”

“You’ll see him,” Jake says, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “Or her, right, Y/n?”

You smile, feeling the weight of the moment. “Definitely,” you whisper, feeling a rush of emotion.

Jay, still grinning, can’t help but poke at his younger brother. “So, what’s the plan, huh? You two gonna have one of those perfect Pinterest-worthy baby showers or just skip the whole thing?”

Jieun smacks his arm lightly. “Don’t make them nervous, Jay. Let them enjoy the moment.”

Jake laughs, looking over at you with that same loving gaze. “Honestly, I think we just need to take it one step at a time. But yeah, we’ll get there.”

“You know, when you have a baby, you’ll see just how much you need each other,” his dad says more seriously now, a rare moment of wisdom breaking through his tough exterior. “It’s not just about being a parent, it’s about being there for each other even more.”

Jake nods, his hand tightening around yours as if to say, “I’ve got you, always.”

The whole family seems to settle into a comfortable silence after that, everyone soaking in the news in their own way, but all of them sharing the same unspoken bond.

“Guess we’ll need one more chair for next time,” Jay jokes, breaking the silence, and everyone bursts out laughing.

You glance at Jake, his eyes full of joy, and your heart feels fuller than it ever has. There’s something about being surrounded by family—being with him—that feels right. “Yeah, we’ll need one more chair,” Jake agrees softly, his gaze drifting to the future, to the family that’s just beginning.

In the end, you and Jake had proven the vows true—til death do us part. Through all the challenges, fears, and moments of doubt, you had always found your way back to each other. The promises made, the trust built, and the love that had endured everything now stood as a testament to what you had together. With every touch, every shared laugh, and every quiet moment, you knew that no matter what, your hearts were bound—for life—and beyond.

© senascoop | tumblr

[minhosimthings]

Dances Avec Les Etoiles ft. Heeseung

Synopsis: God how boring is love? For Lee Heeseung, it was perhaps the most boring thing in this rotten world. But for his parents, it meant buisness. And buisness meant getting Heeseung married off to a princess from another kingdom. And when the princess shares a peculiar interest, Heeseung starts to believe in Cupid again.

Pairings: Prince!Heeseung × Princess!fem!reader

Warnings: Brief smut scene in the beginning (not with reader), SMUT MINORS DNI (with reader), fingering, edging, orgasm control, french kissing hehe, dom!Heeseung × kinda dom!reader, mentions of food, sexual tension, hee is kind of a pervert, suggestive at places, fluff, swearing, angst, did I mention sexual tension, enemies to lovers (kind of), arranged marriage, playboi heeseung × playgirl!reader, reader wants adventure and Heeseung is the adventure

A/N: I have been writing and editing this for so long now and it's only part 1! Thank you for being patient with me and I promise to release the second part which has more smut in it very soon! @candewlsy your daddy papi has arrived

Part 1 || Part 2 || The wedding

The French Quotes Series Masterlist

Lee Heeseung was a man of logic.

Which left no room for the poetry in him, although he did say that he enjoyed it a lot.

He was a prince, a ruler soon to ascend the golden throne of Tarnow. Stupid name, he had always thought, it sounded like a wheelbarrow carrying a bunch of tar pieces.

But he had often heard that the poets never allowed someone to go on with their life just like that. What kind of poets would they be if they did that?

And so he had to be betrothed. With a star studded ring on his finger, an imitation of a smile on his face, and a bride by his arm. And a ceremony where there would be flowers, and dancing.

Dancing!

Heeseung had a clandestine love for dancing. The curve of arms and fingers, the movement of hips, the ballet of the feet twirling to create an invisible picture on the ground. And yet, no one knew of this rendezvous of his. Well, almost no one.

"Hyung are you really sure you're alright?" Heeseung's daydream was interrupted by a honey sweet voice from above him. "Get down from the tree, idiot." Another voice, strong as iron reprimanded him.

Sim Jake and Park Jay.

Two of Heeseung's band of best friends.

They had grown up together, due to their parents being close friends, what with the never ending borders they shared between the kingdoms. And he could always count on them to give him advice, whether it be of a bastard's or of a sage's.

"Unless you want to break your arm again, get down from that dumb tree." Jay scolded the brown haired boy, who was, at the moment, hanging upside down from a willow tree, "But you need another reason to visit your best friend don't you loverboy?" Jay added with a cheeky smile.

"As if you have more love in your life" Jake shot back, promptly jumping down from the branches onto the grass with a soft thump.

"Would you two stop bickering and help me out of my current predicament?" Heeseung snapped, letting out a sigh and leaning against the bark of the willow. He had always liked this particular tree. He remembered his mother's hands carefully handling the roots and planting the tiny sapling into the wet mud, talking about how the Duchess' daughter had ran off with some ragamuffin. It was a majestic tree now, like how the poets described the trees of the Gods to be like. He had liked that poem a lot, the one about trees and princesses and first kisses under first snows.

"You're going to get married to a completely random princess, big deal." Jay rolled his eyes, settling comfortably onto the freshly mowed grass. He was often the more mature one out of all of them.

"Where on earth are Sunghoon and Sunoo?" Heeseung questioned, checking his pocket watch. He shook his head, his other two friends didn't exactly know the meaning of being on time.

"Probably kissing themselves." Jake smirked, flicking a leaf at Jay to annoy him, which worked when Jay got up from his sleeping position with a glare smeared on his face and slapped Jake's head.

"Just pretend you have affection towards her and all that and it'll be over in a minute." Jay adviced wisely, looking over at Heeseung's drooping figure. "I wish it was that easy." Heeseung sighed, "I don't want to get married, what if she's snobbery?"

"Hyung don't get poetic." Jay said sternly, moving his head to face Heeseung, "What is even love in these ages? And I am sure she'll be wonderful enough to make you some heirs."

"What's her name again?" Jake questioned, looking at the tree with his tongue stuck out, probably contemplating whether he should climb it again or not, "I hear she's of the far East."

"Princess Y/N of the Kingdom of Witchelm." Heeseung scoffed, "Ooh maybe they have witches!"

"Absolutely not." Jay sighed with a tiring expression.

"Whatever, I'm hoping to pay Priscilla a visit today." Heeseung pushed his hair out of his face.

"Does she love you yet?" Jake ashed with a cheeky grin.

"God I hope not." Heeseung shuddered, "She's just got a good mouth and a nice pussy for me to take. See you later boys."

"Fuck I needed this." Heeseung sighed laying back. The girl looked up at him as she placed her hand onto his cock, her other hand resting on his thigh. She licked the underside of it slowly back up, circling her tongue around the head.

"Fuck has your mouth gotten prettier since last time?" Heeseung chuckled, looking at the girl.

"Shut up and let me do my work." She responded, "You know this is the last time right?"

Heeseung scoffed and placed his hands on her head. "I know."

The girl took the head into her mouth, causing him to jolt. He patted her head which soon turned into him gripping her hair when she went back down again, now bobbing her head up and down. Making sure she reached all the way to the base, Heeseung helped by pushing Priscilla down further.

“Keep doing that thats a good girl” he stuttered out. The hand that was on his thigh reached down to massage his balls, lightly squeezing.

Would his new bride be good at giving him what he wants? Heeseung didn't know anything about her. Nor did he care really. She's probably the regular Mary Jane, a dull lifeless, smiling body, without balance in anything. He wished and prayed fervently that some sort of ballerina took her place instead.

Maybe that'd finally make him happy.

The reflection of Heeseung's mirror stared back at him, not noticing the utter beauty of his eyes. He never cared much for his handsome features, much preferring when people complemented how light he was on his feet.

But it was shameful for his parents.

Dancing? For a crown Prince? Preposterous!

It would have been outrageous if the kingdom found out that their prince preferred dancing over decrees. It wasn't that his mother and father didn't encourage his dancing, they loved seeing their son do what he loved. But to be a prince, a ruler, was to keep a reputation, and that couldn't be spoilt by something their son loved doing.

Heeseung sighed, taking a deep breath and counting his steps, every slow movement bringing him his happiness back inch by inch. Would his bride like dancing?, he wondered, that would be a pleasant thing. Atleast one thing in common with her.

His thoughts wandered carelessly as his feet did, sliding across the floor effortlessly, a gentle sway of the arm here and there, the ballet of a sawn without his mate.

He would be betrothed by tomorrow.

A fateful tomorrow, he hoped.

"And now we introduce, Princess Y/N of the Witchelm Kingdom!"

The man had a ridiculously nasally voice in Heeseung's opinion. Maybe they should replace him with someone who doesn't sound much like a parrot.

"Heeseung stand up straight." Heeseung's mother snapped at him from his right shoulder. Silently grumbling, he obeyed and adjusted his drooping figure along with the drowsy expression on his face. He would have rather ate a carrot than do this right now. The sound of bells and trumpets and what not, and all the ridiculously maroon stained curtains irritated him far too much. The sun was broiling hot, and there was not even an inch of a cloud in the sky. And his nose was rather itchy as well. Perhaps he should ask Jake for that rum again...

"Welcome to Tarnow, Princess." His father's formal voice broke Heeseung out of his train of thoughts, and as he snapped back to his senses, he realised the presence of a figure standing before him. Not caring to lift his eyes to look at the figure, he quickly bowed.

"How was the journey, my dear?" His mother asked in a saccharine sweet voice. She only ever used them with babies, Jay and extra important guests.

"Well the carriage certainly did not like the hefty rocks, but it was pleasant." Heeseung thought he had heard an angel speak for a moment, "Your kingdom is magnificent, Your Majesties." The figure in front of Heeseung curtsied, and that's when he caught a whiff of her perfume.

It was intoxicating, as if it was pulling his closer.

His eyes flickered up, to take a peek at the woman. She was clad in deep shades of maroon with gold trimmings illuminating her figure perfectly. Was this his bride to be?

"Prince Heeseung." You threw a curtsy to him, noticing the way his fawn like eyes were staring at you. Maybe the rumours were right. All the princes of Paradoxica were scoundrels who lounged after women.

"Princess Y/N." Heeseung finally bowed back, and you took note of the fact that his eyes stayed to the ground, not lingering over your figure as most usually did. Maybe he did have a tinge of respect in him.

"Well why wait here in this heat? Shall we lunch inside?" The Queen said in a joviant manner, extending her hand to you, which you took gratefully and stepped inside the castle walls, finally feeling at peace.

You were completely unaware of the pair of deer eyes following you.

Heeseung's first thought upon seeing you was the way you wore yourself. He had often learnt that the best of dancers always moved differently, which was always evident whenever he'd attend balls. The truest dancers would always walk as if they owned the very earth they walked on. Heeseung always felt that they had clouds for shoes.

And the way you walked, the way you held your shoulders, the way you each step echoed with the sound of the air, there was no way you couldn't have been a dancer like him.

But you were a princess, he reminded himself, his soon to be Queen. Dancing was to be put to the side for some time.

Or so he thought.

The luncheon had went quite well in your opinion. Apart from the fact that the King and Queen would not stop talking about the proposal ceremony and the wedding, and their son smirking into his peas whenever his parents came upon the topic of grandchildren, it had gone by in a breeze.

You were happy that Heeseung hadn't talked to you. You were far too tired to have any 'getting to know each other' conversations. He seemed a bit monotonous to you, at first glance atleast. You had always learnt never to judge a book by it's cover. But sometimes advice was made to be ignored, so you simply went on with your day, not caring about what kind of a person Heeseung was.

The rumours were enough for you to summarise his persona anyway. The people of Witchelm talked about him as if he was a splendid rose, one everyone wanted to take a look at. Kind, courageous, handsome, generous, blah blah blah. You would rather have married a fish if it was described as more interesting than him. Although the rumour that he really 'got around' in terms of pleasure had interested you. If that had been true, maybe you did like him. Atleast he would be understanding to the fact that had lied to everyone that you were still a virgin.

Tarnow had been a luxuriant kingdom, known to everyone as the first kingdom formed in all of Paradoxica, the oldest one, it spoke quite well through the aching castle walls when you were exploring the southern wing.

It was in a word, beautiful, with the fading architecture and all the women clad in luxurious silver, dancing their hearts out on the street. How you wished ever so fervently that you could join them.

Dancing was your life ever since you took your first steps. Witchelm was renowned for dancing, for ballet, ballroom and everything in between. It was a pity that you hadn't heard anything about the hobbies of the Prince. Perhaps he preferred dancing too. That would be a pleasant surprise, you thought, as you stepped into your chambers, where all your luggage had been arranged neatly.

"I think I can take over from now on." You curtsied to the girl who had led you over to the chambers. She bowed back and was about to leave when you thought to ask her the question that had been lingering in your mind for long.

"Is there a ballroom here?" The girl turned back abruptly at your question. She had hair as dark as coal and eyes even darker. A pretty sight.

"Oh yes, your Highness." She smiled at you, "We have the biggest ballroom in all of Paradoxica in fact. Most of the King's balls and state dances are held here."

"Then, there must be a place where they practice their dances is there not?"

The girl chuckled at your question and clicked her feet together.

"There is a humongous room in the western part of the castle that's basically empty space for dancing. But the Crown Prince spends most of his time there at night, so we aren't allowed to go there much. I can show you the way if you want."

"The western wing." You sat on the bed with a soft thump, "I can find my route don't worry. Thank you for everything."

The crown prince and dancing..... Peculiar. Very peculiar, you thought as you lay on the bed. You were thankful for finally getting out of the heavy purple gown, and putting on some actually comfortable robes. Although you had begged your mother to let you wear your favourite lavender shades, your mother has refused and put you in the darkest and most sweltering maroon gown. It was safe to say that you were a panting dog by the time you got out of the gown.

Picking up your quill and paper, you smoothed out the creases as you thought about what to write to your best friend back home. Gaeul was the kind of person to find out everything about someone before loving them, no matter what methods she used, so it wouldn't be a problem if you wrote 'i think the Prince likes dancing because a girl told me an extremely insignificant detail' in the letter to be sent to her.

Dipping your quill into the ink pot, you were about to start your letter when-

Knock knock knock

The door tapped thrice. It was safe to say that you were confused. Lunch was just five hours ago and it wasn't even dinner time yet, the sun hadn't set even though the sky had turned a deep purple.

Donning a clock over your robes, you stepped out of the comfortable silks of the bed and strode over to the magnificent, carved door. Tugging on the handle, the door made a creaking noise at it opened, making you cringe at the sound. You caught a figure lingering at the door. The same girl was there, the one who had led you here earlier today.

"Oh hello there." You said, opening the door to its full length, "What is the matter?"

The girl shuffled her feet before your eyes fell on her hands. A tiny black box.

"Someone left this in my chambers with a note attached to it your Highness." She said, "It gave the instruction to give it to you."

You looked at the box with uncertainty before snapping your eyes up to the girl. You took the box from her, your finger gently brushing against hers.

"What is your name?" You questioned, realising that you hadn't asked for it before. "Giselle, Your Highness." She answered, still looking at the ground.

"Thank you Giselle. You may go now." You shot her a smile which she returned meekly and scampered off.

Closing the door behind you, you eyed the box with uncertainty. What if it was some poison which wafted into the air as soon as you opened it? What if there was a lizard inside? You really did hate those dumb creatures. Thousands of thoughts flooded your mind as you looked at the box. You were reminded of your father's words to stop reading so many books with plots of bloodshed and mystery. As if you'd ever stop.

Caressing the box with your hand, you noticed how fine of a quality it had, it couldn't have been sent by any ordinary person. You lifted the lid of the box with hesitation running through your veins, only to find inside......a necklace?

A dainty pearl necklace lay inside the box, along with a tiny note, which you did not notice at first. You were far too captivated by the shimmering necklace. Pearls were a rare occurence in Witchelm, with it being a landlocked kingdom. But Tarnow, you had heard, had a vast coastline, so pearls were easily found.

You pondered upon who it could have been sent by. A secret admirer perhaps? The thought did excite you. But who on earth would send a box like this in these times?

As your thoughts ran wild through a forest again, your hand slightly tilted the box, and the note fell out. You bent down to pick it up and immediately took note of the fact that it was paper which was used for royal decrees. A secret admirer from the ministry?

Unfortunately your mind was disappointed as you ran your eyes through the note.

Wear it for me princess. Love, Heeseung.

Of course. A secret admirer, what were you even thinking? No one would have the courage to give the princess of a foreign country, a pearl necklace.

Rolling your eyes, you settled the box and the necklace into a drawer and put the tiny note into a separate one. The prince had a handsome signature, far better than your scribbles anyway.

The western wing had never seemed like a more interesting place

"I hope you find the chambers a comfortable place my dear?" The Queen's voice rang in your ear. God the atmosphere of the dining table made your hands sweaty.

The little conversations you had with the King and Queen weren't enough conversation for you. It was too.....formal, to regal. You wanted fun, but you knew you wouldn't get that. Not until tonight atleast.

Your plan to sneak out into the western wing was extremely flawed but you had not a care in the world. So what if there would be hundreds of people standing guard? You were quick on your feet, a dancer's gift.

You had silently observed Heeseung throughout the dining session. He seemed quiet, all the talkative ones do at first glance. You noticed the way his foot tapped away every now and then without a care and his fingers drummed his fork in hand. You hadn't a single idea if it was on purpose or not. You had read in the book Gaeul once loaned you that artists, like painters or dancers, can never keep their body still. They always have to be doing something with their hands or feet. So either Heeseung was secretly a painter, or he was a dancer. The former seemed to have more possibilities but it could always be the latter considering Giselle's words about the western wing.

Only one way to find out.

Your skin was filled with goosebumps as you walked down the chilly corridor. You were greatly surprised that there weren't many guards, perhaps Tarnow cared less about security.

You shouldn't doing this, this is dangerous, said a voice in your mind, but did you ever listen to it? No, no you did not.

The western wing was easy to locate, what with the huge painting of a woman pointing her finger towards a large corridor, with the words "Western wing" engraved onto the painting. It was darker than the other parts of the castle, maybe it was a secret wing shut off to everyone else except the Prince. There weren't many doors here either, which caused you to let out a sigh of relief. The dancing room would be easier to find.

And it indeed was, as you now stood in front of a huge oak door, the only one for miles on end. You hoped fervently that it wouldn't creak like the door to your chambers. And to your relief, it thankfully didn't, and the spectacle inside made you let out a gasp.

The prince.

So he wasn't a painter after all.

He was a dancer!

A plain show of beauty, you thought, the Prince was. He looked ordinary at first glance, but now, as your eyes trailed his moving figure, his feet gracefully gliding across the floor, hitting each moment to the melodies of the song he was humming, you'd have thought it was Apollo's incarnate himself. You were mesmerized by him, by his every movement, he was gentler than a swan with his fingers, his robe moving in sync as if he had been commanding it.

My my, he looked like a groom in need of a bride, you thought. You didn't know whether it was past midnight yet, even as the clock struck itself and made a loud noise, you were too distracted by the dancing prince. You would have loved to watch him for a bit more, if not for-

CREAK!

Stupid door!

Heeseung's head whipped around to the door as his humming and dancing stopped abruptly. "Who's there?" He cried, clutching his hand to his sword belt, "Come out!"

There was only one idea in your mind at that moment.

Run.

You hoped fervently the next day that the bags under your eyes would be put off by everyone as exhaustion from the long journey. You hoped that no one thought "Oh the princess obviously must have sneaked out to the dance room and ogled the prince!" Although the possibility of that happening was very low.

You slyly avoided the Queen's questions about your sleep by asking her about when the royal potrait of the groom and bride to be would be painted. And she responded with much happiness that it was to be this afternoon!

This afternoon. With the prince. Wasn't that a joy?

Your schedule was much packed that day, which was disappointing since you had wanted to sneak out to see the main ballroom which Giselle had informed you was in the Northern wing. First, you had to get into your gown for the portrait, which would easily take the entire afternoon. Then the actual portrait session would arrive and God knows how much time a simple layer of paint will take to dry.

"Do you paint my darling?" The Queen asked. "Yes." You answered, knowing damn well you couldn't draw a line if you wanted to. Well a lie in a lie is a truth wasn't it?

Afternoon arrived and so did the sweat drops on your forehead. Damn this gown, you thought as you dragged the heavy on the floor. You decided the first thing you'd do after becoming Queen is ban whatever material this is.

Approaching the door where the Queen had directed you to, you took the handle in hand and tapped it thrice to let whoever was inside know that you had arrived. "Come in." A familiar princely voice answered.

Oh great.

"My Lord." You sunk into a curtsey, not letting your eyes meet Heeseung's. Had he always been this tall and handsome or were you dreaming?

"Heeseung, princess, call me Heeseung." He wore pride quite well in his cunning smirk, you thought, as you looked at him quintessentially.

"Then you may call me by my name as well." You replied, glancing behind him to see an easel propped up, "Where is the painter?"

"Oh him? He's always late." Heeseung leaned back against the table behind him, "So princess, enjoying the palace's attractions?"

"Stop calling me that." You said, rolling your eyes out of annoyance, "And if the attraction is you, then no I'm not." He made the word seem like an enchanting melody, the handsome bastard.

"Would you prefer darling?" He smirked, pushing the stray strands of hair out of his face again. He looked like a siren, pulling you into an ocean you wanted to escape from, but didn't know how.

"Say, my darling," he leaned forward, looking at you with darkened eyes, "You're still a virgin aren't you?"

"Why, do you want to corrupt me?" You scoffed, settling yourself down on the loveseat, "Well bad luck, I'm not."

Heeseung looked taken aback for a moment, his eyes widened and he blinked a few times, but he composed himself quickly.

"Ah we have a little liar do we?" He chuckled lowly, his eyes still looking you up and down, "So you're a bad girl aren't you?"

"I don't care Lee." You crossed your arms, "This is just a marriage for politics, there's no way in hell you are going to magically make me fall in love with you, like in the books."

"You read romance?" Heeseung cocked his head to the side, "Well there's a thing we have in common."

The door to the room burst open before you could get another retort out and you breathed a sigh of relief as the painter rushed in with his assistants and started running about arranging everything.

You were even more thankful when you had to sit down for the portrait, far away from Heeseung. Although a weird pose, you supposed the painter would magically make something out of it.

Heeseung was more interesting that you had previously thought. Atleast he didn't treat you with the insufferable respect most princes did. He was....cocky, rude, daring. A rather sweet taste on your tongue.

Oh how you couldn't wait to sneak out to the west wing again.

You remembered to bring a shawl this time, draping it around your shoulders so that the cold, carved rock of the palace wouldn't let your skin break. You cursed yourself for almost knocking over a piece of what looked like driftwood sitting atop a table, willing aways it's time. The kingdom of Tarnow really had its unusual traditions.

The conversation you had with Heeseung today ran in your mind over and over again and again. You liked the taste of him, the way he stood, the way he held himself. And the way he spoke. You were going to have to come up with new retorts everyday. Well that's more interesting than suffering a life of 'i love you' or 'i will die for you'.

But for now, peering at him through the slightly ajar door was more than enough. Oh how he danced, the movements he made, an astral ballet in the air. He looked at peace, that cocky and confident demeanor was no more, it was replaced, instead by calm and cool. Your eyes tried not to linger to his waist and arms, how his shirt pressed tightly against his muscles. The sinful thought of having a touch of them echoed through your mind. The curve of his body fascinated you, oh he looked as pretty as an angel. Perhaps there is more to Heeseung than you thought.

"She's interesting, too Interesting." Heeseung drawled, as he chewed on his quill tip. To his right sat Park Sunghoon, another crown prince, who had inherited his kingdom without marriage and without everything Heeseung despised. At the moment, he was the only one who could provide Heeseung some comfort.

"Interesting as in she didn't fawn over you or interesting as in she's no a virgin?"

"Both." Heeseung answered leaning back in his chair, "And she's such a mystery, god I want to know more about her."

"There is a thing called conversation you know." A third voice called from across the room. A red haired man was sitting atop the table, casually willing away at grapes.

Kim Sunoo. The youngest crown prince.

"Oh really?" Heeseung smirked, "I though conversation wasn't mandatory or what was it you said last time Sunoo? 'Conversation is only for the loveless?'."

"You know who I meant it for." Sunoo rolled his eyes and hopped off the table promptly, "Anyway the Princess of Witchelm seemed a lovely character. I had a brief incursion with her out in the garden, and she's.....interesting."

"That's what hyung said too." Sunghoon popped a grape in his mouth from the table, clenching his face at the sour taste, "Just run up to her and you know, ask her what she likes."

"Great advice, Sunghoon."

"As if you can do better."

The gardens of Tarnow were a place you reveled in. The freshly mown grass, the sweet scent of daffodils, and the sight of bees almost everywhere elated you. And most importantly, the willow tree.

The grandiose tree reminded you of someone who knew what they were worth, like a Queen who knows exactly what she wants. That's who you wanted to be. A Queen who rebelled, headstrong like your mother always told you to be. And you would fill the streets with dance, music and laughter. Maybe even prompt Heeseung to show off his moves....

"And to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Death would have been more pleasurable than to endure Heeseung right now, as his voice disrupted your peace and quiet.

"You owe your hand in marriage apparently." You stared straight at him, not daring to break eye contact, which was hard considering how menacing Heeseung's stare was.

"Admiring the willow eh princess?" Heeseung plopped down next to you, landing on the grass with a soft thump, "You know, I planted this when I was an adorable child."

"Adorable?" You scoffed, "More like a fiend." Heeseung chuckled at your statement, turning his head to look out towards the landscape.

"I planted most of the trees in this garden." He said, staring ahead with unwavering affection in his eyes at all the greenery, "They've grown a lot since then, my mother says that planting them at a young age allows them to grow with you." The love in his tone made you want to coo at him, but you composed yourself, remembering what kind of a person he was.

"Was that too cheesey?" Heeseung smiled, turning his eyes to yours. "Just a little." You responded, not having the heart to break the moment.

The silence that followed was a dire one, but it was peaceful. Heeseung and you sat in it as if you were fluent, letting the breeze whip your hair about, and the grass seep into your veins. You were so immersed in the butterfly landing on the daffodil that you didn't even notice the leaves sticking to your hair.

"Your hair looks like a bird's nest right now, princess." You heard Heeseung laugh as you turned your head towards him. "Excuse me?" You said, pulling your hand up to stroke your hair, being horrified when you pulled pieces of leaves sticking to it.

"Oh for fuck's sake." You mumbled under your breath, "Ah damn this, I'm going back to the chambers. Good day, Heeseung."

"With a nest in your hair?" Heeseung raised a cocky brow, "Princess, be logical. No one is going to respect a future Queen who looks like she's walked out of a jungle." Heeseung's words were mean but true, "You know I can just remove them, if you ask kindly with that pretty mouth of yours."

You had never wanted to slam his head into a wall more than now. But your reputation also mattered. You were torn between the two choices; Heeseung or risking your reputation?

"Fine." You sat back down on the ground, "Take them out."

"Nicer, princess. Add a pretty please too."

Oh he was on thin ice. You rolled your eyes and grumbled, "Could you please take these leaves out of my hair? Pretty please?"

The scent of Heeseung's neck pressed to your nose as he leaned over to remove the leaves carefully. He touched your hair rather gently, as if you were a fragile doll, which surprised you. Your hand kept lingering at his stomach, holding itself back from touching his muscles.

"There." Heeseung leant back, "All pretty princess again." "Thanks." You muttered, making your way to get up.

"Uh uh uh princess, we aren't done yet." Heeseung pulled you back down, making you snatch your hand away from him, "I want to strike a deal with you."

That night as you watched Heeseung dance gracefully on the stone floor, you wondered how this was the same person you had met in the morning. The same person who had made you a wretched deal, now danced under soft candlelight, unaware of his future bride watching him through clandestine corners.

"Meet me in my chambers tomorrow, and I'll think about not spilling to everyone, your little 'pureness' secret."

Fuck the world. That was your first thought as you woke up the next day, got dressed, had breakfast, had a conversation with the Queen, and made your way down to Heeseung's chambers.

For what purpose must this have been done? For what purpose did you have to be betrothed to a man like him?

"Fine day, isn't it princess?" Heeseung smirked at you from behind his desk. Papers and scrolls were strewn all over the desk, along with ink pots and a couple of what seemed to be drying paintings. A few more were hung up on the wall.

"Is this why your mother asked me if I paint?" You traced your finger over a dried painting of a daffodil. Still life, boring as it may be, still caught your eye. Heeseung smiled to himself.

"She asks everyone that, thinks her grandchildren will be some sort of prodigies." "Grandchildren?" You looked up from the painting to Heeseung's smug face, "We aren't even close to friends and she wants grandchildren?"

"Rule of Law princess, there's an entire book about it." Heeseung leaned back, spreading his legs a bit further, god that shirt stuck to his muscles well.

"What am I doing here anyway?" You scoffed, sitting back on the chair facing him, "You want me to do your assignments or something?"

"Assignments, actually." Before you could blink a huge stack of papers lay in front of you, all stamped with decrees, "And in return you'll get some get sex and your secret not being spilt."

"Good sex?" You laughed haughty, "I highly doubt that. Especially from you."

"You think I can't fuck you better than your lovers?" Heeseung raised a brow at you, leaning back against his desk. "No I don't think so." You simply replied, reaching out a hand to get one of the decrees, but it was caught by Heeseung and before you could even flinch, he had you pressed against the desk.

"Want to test that theory?"

Your retort stuck in your throat when you engaged in a searing kiss and your lips met aimlessly—a real mess of tongues and teeth. Heeseung licked a strip across your teeth and thrust his tongue deeper, exploring the inside of your mouth like a sacred temple with only one chance to visit. Heeseung opened his mouth and gasped, lingering with a few more short, honeyed kisses between his panting breaths and your muffled moans. You scolded yourself for even getting a sound out of yourself at Heeseung's touch.

Heeseung's hand moved up your thigh, and you pressed your mouth to his throat, sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

"That's not the ideal place to leave a mark princess." Heeseung glared at you, to which you merely shrugged your shoulders. So what if Heeseung had a few hickeys on display to the kingdom?

Heeseung's hand travels upto your back, easily removing the dainty dress you had on. You silently thanked Giselle for giving you a dress instead of a gown today.

“is this what you wanted?” you slid your panties to the side, as Heeseung was about to reach further down your slide. He wouldn't have admitted it but he almost drooled at the sight of you. Taking a second to admire you, his voice echoes through your body, “I wonder how many others can have you like this.”

"Not many." You keep your eyes on him, "none of them fuck me as well as I want them to."

You lean forward a bit, making sure he gets a fantastic view of your cleavage. You decide to push the boundaries a bit further, your voice dropping to a sultry tone, fingers playfully tracing the edge of your bra's strap.

Heeseung's exhales a shaky breath, "you're playing with fire, y'know that?" His voice is low, it only spurs the warning and longing lingering inside you.

The world narrows down to the heat of his touch, the electrifying sensation of his fingers on your skin. You feel the rapid beat of his heart against your chest, mirroring your own anticipation. Heeseung's eyes, lock onto yours, a silent agreement passing between you.

Your nails scrape against his scalp and you squeak in shock as Heeseung's hips surge upwards, forcing his hard cock against you. The unabashed moan he lets slip is sinful and it’s all you want to hear for the rest of your life. You can’t stop the urge building up inside you, you’re not even certain you can stop moving your hips even if you wanted to.

His fingers catch the waistband of your bottoms. Heeseung traces your clit over the fabric feeling the warm, wet patch you’re leaving in them and then he teasingly slips a finger underneath, swiping two fingers along your slit, thumb, and index finger opening your pussy to his gaze. He presses a finger inside of you, slowly stretching out your tight hole. You groan, and his eyes roll back at the way your walls stretch around him. You rock harder against him, fucking yourself into his finger and wrapping your arms around his neck again. you just want to feel him against you.

"Fuck you're a tight one." Heeseung smirks into the crook of your neck, taking in your delicious scent, "Is this good enough for you princess?"

His half-lidded eyes look up at you as you contort on top of him, feeling overstimulated, with a single finger. He coos, his other hand sweeping over the back of your head sweetly, pushing back stray sweaty hairs. He nudges your nose with his, hand on the back of your neck, and tries to meet your eye. The squelch as his finger fucks into you, fast and deep, is the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard.

You can feel the tightening of your stomach, your intestines begging for air as your mind wants nothing more but to break free. The sweet edge of release feels better than ever with Heeseung than anyone else you've ever done this with. Fuck was he good. Just as you felt his finger sweep across your cunt one more time, and hot liquid come upto your cervix-

"Heeseung!" You gasped, feeling the painful feeling of having him pull his finger away from you. His smirking face added the fuel to the fire of your anger, as he slowly bent away from you, collapsing onto a chair and spreading his legs far. God did you want yourself propped on that thigh.

"I already told you princess." Heeseung's smug voice infuriated you, "Sex as a reward remember? And you haven't done anything so no reward. Simple logic."

"fuck you" "When princess?"

You were thankful Heeseung didn't make you work all night, you had time to admire his dancing again. He seemed so different when he was alone, so much more gentler, and it only made you hate him more. Why all the cocky behaviour when he was surrounded by people? You liked this softer side of him. You wished that he would get the courage to show that side to the world. Maybe in due time as all things come.

The rest of the days went the same. Rise and shine in the morning, greet Giselle as she gave you your bath, breakfast and burrowings, rush off to Heeseung in his chambers, do your 'assigments' whilst glaring at Heeseung, who glared back, get the desk a bit messier than it had been, and then sneak off to the western wing at late night to watch Heeseung. It was a bit redundant, but you liked this. Maybe it was the fact that Heeseung was someone who made you cum properly (although you wouldn't admit it) or maybe it was the fact that, from the past few days, he had started opening up to your more.

Ignoring the fact that your time with each other consisted of making angry retorts, you noticed that now, you knew more about Heeseung than before. His friends, family, ancient history, his hobbies everything, from A to Z was in your memory now. And you had to admit that you liked knowing more about him.

His sunlit eyes everyday as they silently perked up at the sight of you, the way his mouth dropped to give you the daily retort along with a tiny compliment too, the way his smirks now turned into smiles, and the way he leant nonchalantly against the great willow, when you'd go out into the garden for a little rest. Was this the love the poets described?

"Good news princess." Heeseung strode into his chambers as you stretched your neck from sitting in the chair all day completing a decree, "We're having a ball."

Collapsing on his bed with a thump, Heeseung groaned as he stretched out his aching limbs. Jay really did always do a number on him in practice.

"A ball?" You questioned, rising from your seat, walking over to the bed and climbing on, "For us?" Heeseung looked at you and nodded. "It's supposed to be a pre-pre-pre wedding ball, according to mother dearest."

"Will there be dancing?" You asked excitedly. You hadn't danced in so long that your feet longed to be in some tap shoes and a big flowy gown again.

"Yep, and guess what?" Heeseung smiled at you, "We're going to dance together."

"Oh I am an amazing dancer." You bragged, raising your chin high, "So it's fine if I outshine you right?"

"Please, I am much better at dancing." Heeseung sat up, facing you, "It's fine princess, they'll notice you at the wedding if they don't at the ball."

"Dance for me then." You gave him a cheeky smile. Would he agree? This is what you had been wanting for a long time. "No." Heeseung merely said, checking his bitten nails.

"Are you that horrible of a dancer?" You chuckled. But before you had time to laugh more, a fluffy pillow landed straight on your face with force. Heeseung's smile had never been wider.

"Don't do that you bastard!" You cried, picking up a pillow and hitting his shoulder with it to which he laughed raucously. "Or what?" He laughed again, hitting you with the pillow repeatedly. Stray feathers let loose from the pillows but you had not a care in the world as Heeseung chased you around the room with the pillow clutched in his hand. This had been the most fun you've had in ages.

Young love? So refreshing for a narrator isn't it?

You looked stunning. Your reflection, clad in soft hues of your favourite colour stared back at you, as your eyes ran up and down your body, hugged tightly by the fabric.

The ball had came sooner than you had anticipated, maybe it was the fact that you were so excited for it.

You'd be dancing your heart out tonight. With Heeseung. How you had longed to match his movements for so long, and now you finally had the chance.

"How do I look?" You meekly asked Giselle, who looked like a jewel in her own gown. "Like a true Queen, my lady." She giggled, dipping into a tiny curtsy.

"Shall we move then?"

Heeseung hadn't been too excited about the ball. He had seen too many of them to be entertained by any. And plus, there wasn't a proper lady to dance with either. Where were you? His thoughts, which were running aloof, came to a halt as his eyes landed on someone descending from the staircase.

Was that....you?

Indeed it was, as he blinked his eyes a few times to get into his mind the fact that you, his bride to be, were walking down from the staircase, looking like someone he's always loved for centuries. That, he did, but of course he wouldn't tell you that. Your snarky remarks from time to time, the way you smiled at his retorts and the way you remained a complete mystery to him, no matter how much he found out about you. Love, love, love, was what Jay had told him.

"My lord." You dipped into a curtsey in front of Heeseung. God he smelled exactly like the willow, enchanting and sweetly poisoning. You tried your hardest to avert your eyes from the tightly hugging fabric around his arms and his belt too. You fervently wanted your hands to be tied to it.

"You look pretty, princess." Heeseung winked at you, wrapping an arm at your waist, but not before giving you a look of access, "May we?" He motioned towards the dance floor, where a few women and men had their arms wrapped around each other lovingly. Would Heeseung and you ever be like this, you thought, as he led you over to the marble floor. You would have liked that, you'd have liked that a lot.

You could feel the eyes on you as Heeseung took your hands to his lips and pressed a small peck there. "Ignore them." He smiled up at you, "Time to show off your dancing, princess."

Gulping down the breath you've had in for a long time, you gasped in silence as one of Heeseung's arms pressed against your waist in a position for your waltz. You took your breath in accordance with Heeseung as the violins whipped their bows and the grandiose music began.

Dance was often described as the art of the soul, you'd never seen a living example of it, until now, as your entire body and mind moved in synchronisation with Heeseung. It felt as if dancing on a cloud you've longed to be on, when you were swaying with him. His grip on yours, his eyes tracing yours, and his demeanor being the one of the swan you had spied on in the western wing, it enchanted you, pulled you in to the whirlpool of Heeseung himself. You could have stayed like this forever, swaying in a gown with Heeseung at your start.

Heeseung was intoxicated as well, it was sweet venom lacing his veins, as the clandestine rendezvous of your movements got him to the highest of highs, one that even the most addicted couldn't have reached.

"Enjoying the view?" You cocked a brow at him, noticing the way he was staring at you. You were thankful that a lot of other people had joined the dance and you weren't the only ones dancing now.

"Funny, I was about to ask the same thing." He smirked at you, his eyes tilting down to your cleavage.

"You've seen more than just my cleavage and it's still driving you crazy isn't it?" You raised your chin, "Pathetic, Heeseung."

"Pathetic is it princess?" Heeseung's voice dropped to a low, as he leant over to your ear, his breath hitting your cold skin, whispering words that made your breath drop.

"More pathetic than the western wing?"

To be continued.....

Taglist: @amazzwon @heeseungshim @yunabi436 @kvmariii @sacrificeatmeup send an ask to be tagged

[fakeuwus]

URS | sim jaeyun

now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ urs by niki

"the best at being the worst, but fuck sake i'm already urs "

PAIRING: jake x femreader

SYNOPSIS: a recollection of moments that lead you to confessing your love to your best friend, jake sim.

GENRE: best friends to lovers, fluff, angst (not sorry), student au

WORD COUNT: ~3.4k

WARNINGS: one curse word, mentions of god-drinking-loss of virginity, jake is oblivious, lowercase intended (mention of jay as well) barely proofread, kinda rushed (you can tell the second part was written last HELP)

MESSAGE FROM NIC: HAPPY (late) JAKE DAY 😁 (im a victim of procrastination sorry jake ily)

one rainy day in october was one you’d never forget. you had just started the 8th grade merely a month ago and you weren’t sure how well you were liking it. until that one fateful day. the day you deemed as the best day of your life.

it didn’t start out as the best at first though. the overcast sky had made you want to sleep in more, resulting in your mother threatening that you’d have to walk to school if you didn’t wake up soon. the rain that morning was brutal and unforgiving just like how your first period teacher was going to be if you didn't get to class on time. as soon as your mom parked at the drop-off section you burst through the door and made a run for the school entrance. your tiny body was being weighed down by your damp uniform and your loafers were dragging down the hall.

the clock was ticking with one minute left to make it to class and you’re determined to make it in time. perfect attendance meant a lot to your 14-year-old self and you weren’t going to let a storm get in the way of that. before you could reach for the door handle you feel yourself collide into something hard and you fall straight onto your back. “i’m so sorry! here let me help you up,” a boy’s voice rings in your ears and when you finally are able to look up, your heart stops beating.

a single spotlight shines down (it’s really just the janky hallway lights giving this effect but you’re too hypnotized to think about it) on a boy with the most beautiful, brown eyes you’ve ever seen. a bright, wide smile adorned his lips and you swear you can hear angels singing.

you take the hand that was outstretched to you and stand up, trying your best to get yourself together. you’re internally panicking because why does such a cute boy have to witness you in this state? hair all stringy, uniform jacket half off your body, and not going to lie, you kind of smell like wet dog. you think god is testing you today, he had to be.

the boy didn’t seem to mind though. he thought it was adorable the way you were flustered from running into him. all he could do was stare at you with that smile of his while you frantically made sure everything was in place. “ready?” the mystery boy says while opening the door to the classroom, flashing you a tiny grin. it takes you a second to realize but once you walk into the classroom, your face immediately flushes red in embarrassment. all eyes are on you and cute boy.

mentally you add this to the list of many reasons why you like to be punctual: you hated the nosy gazes people shot your way when you entered a room late. “YN! you’re 5 minutes late. this is unacceptable-” “oh i’m sorry about that sir. i’m new here and got lost and yn was just showing me to class. i’m jake by the way..” jake. jake. jake. you repeat his name in your head a few times before you decide that it’s now your favorite name in the world.

when your teacher assigns jake to be your seatmate and you his tour guide, for once you’re glad you were running late. you also mentally thank god and apologize for accusing him of all the bad things that happened this morning.

two peas in a pod is how people would describe you and jake. never once leaving each other’s side since that one rainy day. you two are so attached at the hip that your family stops questioning why one is always at the other’s house and starts asking when you guys would get together. it’s your freshman year of high school and everyone around you is starting to experiment with crushes and dating so it’s only natural for parents to be curious.

jake of course, is always quick to shut it down before you can even get a word out. “mom she’s my best friend! quit asking that.” you find yourself rolling your eyes everytime he says those infamous words. you want to tell his mom that you would love for her son to be your boyfriend. that you’ve liked him the moment you laid your eyes on him. that you’re not quite sure what love is at the age of 15, but you’re so sure that you feel it whenever you’re around jake.

though you never get to say those words, his has you thinking. you realize that this whole time he never, ever refers to you as a sister, just a best friend. is it silly that your heart flutters with the tiniest amount of hope that it gives you? call it delusion but you can’t help but smile when he leaves out that one little sentence.

“what? would it be so bad to date me?” you tease and lean in, your face almost touching his. if you were to utter another word your lips would be grazing his. the air around you two shifts, no one daring to make another move. his eyes flicker towards your lips for a second and look back up to meet your stare. that split second of hesitation on his end gives you a piece of hope that maybe. just maybe. he could feel the same way about you one day.

his parents share a knowing look before they exit the kitchen, leaving you two in your own world.

three is the number of girlfriends jake has had since you met him. you think three is too many. too many that weren’t you. the first two, gaeul and chaehyun, didn’t last very long.

jake’s track record of relationships so far never threatened your friendship in any way. it always went like this: jake and said girl add each other on social media. jake and girl enter the talking stage for a week. jake and girl start dating officially on the second week. jake and girl only last the next two weeks.

on the fourth week, jake and girl break up because they’re bored and you’re there to fix his broken heart (which only takes him a day of you two playing with layla at the dog park to get over it).

you figured when he meets yizhuo during junior year, it’ll be the same routine all over again. on exactly the fourth week of them being together, you find yourself knocking on his door with two triangle kimbaps and two mango flavored melona ice bars in a plastic bag. it’s what you always brought to cheer him up from a tragic (not really) breakup.

the door swings open and it’s not jake who answers, it’s yizhuo. “oh hi yn! i didn’t know you and jake were hanging out today? i can leave if you guys had plans!” all you can do is smile at her and nod your head no.

that’s another thing about jake’s girlfriends. they’re just as sweet as he is and they give you no reason to hate them. in the back of your mind you figure thats why jake doesn’t like you like that. your smart mouth and sassy attitude aren’t what he looks for in girls. he wants kind, beautiful girls as girlfriends, the total opposite of you. the space you take up in his heart is only enough room to be his best friend and his best friend only.

when you get home from basically being rejected, jake sends you an “im sorry :(“ text. you simply reply back with “its fine” because you can never stay mad at him.

you hate yourself for being weak and having the biggest soft spot for jake. he could even forget your birthday and you’d still forgive him. but how could you not?

as the night is nearing to a close and you’re laying in bed, a buzzing noise jolts you awake. taking your phone from the nightstand, you feign annoyance at the caller, “did you need to call in the middle of the night? i’m about to sleep you know!”

“don’t be so dramatic,” you could practically hear how his eyes are rolling playfully now, “i’m at your window. let me in doofus.” and even though you swore up and down to yourself that today was the day you start getting over jake, you let him in your room.

both of you end up on the floor, your backs resting on the foot of your bed with no one saying a word. the tension is thick for some reason and jake wants to get rid of it as fast as he can.

“hey,” he nudges your shoulder with his, “are you mad at me because i didn’t hang out with you earlier? in my defense, we didn’t have official plans.”

and there it his. his signature pouty face he always pulls when you’re mad at him. he knows it’s your kryptonite. you absolutely can’t resist it. and so you crack.

“okay stop it with that face i’m not mad! it was my fault for showing up unannounced. i’m sorry if i interrupted you and yizhou, i didn’t think she’d be there.” your voice goes weak by the end of your sentence, the mention of his girlfriend making you nauseous.

jake slides his arm around your shoulders and he brings you into a side hug. you allow yourself to melt into him and savor this moment, deciding that getting over jake will be for another time.

the tension in the air is dissipated into a comforting silence. it’s just jake and you. you and jake. something you wish will never change.

(jake and yizhuo end up staying together for eight weeks. you think eight is too many.)

four years later and you and jake are now 18, entering the next stage of life. college. it had been four years since the day you met him in that hallway, drenched from the rain. those years ended up being filled with late movie nights, countless study dates, and getting caught sneaking out for convenience store runs together way too many times. jake consumed every aspect of your youth and you couldn't help but feel excited that the future will too.

it’s the second time the two of you start freshman year together and a pact is made to stick together. not that anything would get in the way of your friendship because nothing ever has yet, but you both feel with this new beginning you guys needed to solidify the strong friendship you share. a new school meant new hobbies, new classes, new teachers, and more importantly, new friends. you both pinky promise to stay by each other’s side no matter what college would throw at you guys.

unfortunately, promises were always meant to be broken. the first couple of months started off strong, you and jake getting drunk on saturdays and being hungover at the library on sundays catching up on school work. the newfound freedom you both had made for the ultimate college experience. you two managed to form a little friend group that quickly grew close. there was never a dull moment with everyone around and especially never a dull moment with jake. things were good until they weren’t anymore and you couldn’t pinpoint exactly where everything started falling apart.

could it have been when jake lost his virginity to that cool senior ryunjin? that couldn’t be it, he never talked to her again and even expressed he wished it was you who he lost it to. (you don’t let it get to your head though, jake was never a coherent drunk.)

could it have been when he skipped out on your weekly study sessions for the first time to try out for intramural flag football? nope, that wasn’t it at all. though you were sad to not have been with jake that sunday to recap the wild events from the previous night, you were happy he was indulging in sports since it was his favorite thing to do (after hanging out with you of course.)

could it have been when jake said he strictly sees you as a best friend to the guys when they were teasing him about you? well, maybe. you didn’t mean to eavesdrop while you were walking up to the spot in the quad your friends always lounged at but upon hearing your name, you couldn’t help it.

“dude c'mon, you mean to tell me you’ve never once kissed yn? not even accidentally?” jay questioned while laying on his back, soaking up the sun. jake shrugs while sipping on his coffee, “nah man she’s been my best friend since we were in middle school. it would be really awkward.” jay seems to not believe it but he doesn’t pry anymore. “whatever man, all i’m saying is that if i had a “best friend” as pretty as yn i would’ve wifed her up real quick.” you don’t stay long enough to listen to what the rest of the conversation entails so you don’t hear jake say he’s considered it many, many times.

you should be used to him showing disdain at the idea of anything romantic towards you. you’ve spent all these years hearing the same comment over and over so it shouldn’t affect you this much. but this time, it’s different. though there may have been times that jake blew you off, he always did something to make up for it. growing up with jake meant you got to witness the changes he went through. he no longer pulled that cute pouty face to apologize to you. instead, he would buy you your favorite coffee and write cute notes on the cup everyday for a week. he would surprise you with movie tickets to a movie he knew you were interested in at the time. he would plan “epic sleepovers” (his words not yours) and cuddle you to sleep on those nights.

he makes up for the times he isn’t there for you and for a moment, you accept his new form of apologizing. “actions speak louder than words,” is a notion you firmly believed in so this false sense of reality jake created between the two of you only makes your heart grow fonder of him. so when he said he could never see you in that way, it hurts this time.

five days of ignoring jake is what it took for him to come banging on your apartment door, beeging to talk to you. it hurt you to have to do this, but what he did to you at a party about a week ago was your final straw.

it should’ve been like any typical saturday night. the friend group attending a random frat party and getting shitfaced wasn’t anything new, in fact you guys seemed to top every weekend together and this one shouldn’t have been different. it started with an intense game of beer pong, guys vs. girls. the only catch, losers have to give the winners a kiss. you don’t miss the way jay orchestrates the teams leading you and jake to go against one another and you definitely don’t miss jake’s unreadable expression when he realizes what’s going on.

did the thought of kissing you really disgust him that much? you shrug it all off and continue to play because there was no way you were getting out of this situation with your drunk friends. they’d never let you hear the end of it calling you a “pussy” for chickening out on a simple game of beer pong. as the game goes on, you can feel your nerves growing. no matter the outcome, you were about to have your very first kiss with jake out of all people. once your final throw of the game makes it into the last cup, the crowd around you cheers.

you glance at jake with hopeful eyes but his never meet yours. before you could even take a step towards him, he interrupts you. "guys i’m not gonna kiss yn. friends don’t do that, it’s weird.” he steps away from the group and you can hear your heart shattering in your chest. taking a look around all you see are pitiful eyes directed towards you.

that night ended in you crying yourself to sleep, the realization hitting you that after everything you two have been through, jake truly didn’t feel the same as you did. the destructive thoughts plaguing your mind lead you to ignoring jake for the first time ever in your friendship with him. you couldn’t handle seeing him as he basically embarrassed you in front of all of your friends. if jake couldn’t even last one second kissing you because he lost a stupid game of beer pong, what makes you think he could ever want to be in a relationship with you?

hours have passed now and jake hasn’t stopped knocking at your door. he’s sitting on the cold, concrete floor leaving light taps while the words “yn, let me innn” leave his mouth every two minutes. the weather turned gloomy, much like your mood, and you finally decide to let jake in. you can’t have him walking back home in the rain can you?

“finally. yn please let me apologize-” “what’s there to apologize for? i’m not sure why you waited outside the door for so long when we have nothing to talk about.” jake shakes his head in disbelief. sure you can be pessimistic and hard headed at times but it was never directed towards him. he leads you to sit across from him on your tiny couch and the awkwardness settles in.

“look. i’m sorry for what i said that night. i just didn’t want to do anything you’d regret. we’ve been friends for so long and i-”

“GOD JAKE! are you an idiot?! why would i ever regret kissing you? have you been this blind the whole time?” when he doesn’t say a word you continue, “i have been in love with you this whole damn time! i love your beautiful brown eyes. your cute smile. the way you laugh at everything i do even when i make a bad joke. i love the that you remember every little thing about me and you listen to every word i have to say. i love how you have the biggest heart and you always left a space in it for me all of these years. how you make sure i’m never left out. how we can we be absolutely be doing nothing but it doesn’t matter because i’m with you.

so yes. i WANTED to kiss you. i thought that would finally be my chance but i guess not. you clearly don’t feel the same way and i appreciate you staying outside my door for so long to apologize but i’m far too embarrassed now that i’ve finally confessed so if you could just please leave so i can start getting over you.”

once you finish rambling you finally take a look at jake. you know him like the back of your hand, always being able to read his emotions but lately, you’re not so sure. you can’t seem to figure out what he’s thinking right now and you’re sure his silence is a sign you’ve been right this whole time.

“are you gonna let me speak now?” you nod your head slowly and let him talk. “i know. i’m an idiot. i’m an idiot for never realizing your feelings but an even bigger one for not realizing my own.” he makes his way towards you and takes your face in his hands, “i’m in love with you too yn. i love everything about you and then some.” his confession leaves you at a loss for words and jake takes it as a sign to finally kiss you.

when his lips touch yours everything feels right again. you’ve waited so long for this moment and it couldn’t have been more perfect. butterflies erupt in your stomach and sparks are flying everywhere. after a few shared kisses you rest your forehead against his. a smile breaks onto your face and you stare into his eyes longingly. it was just jake and you. you and jake.

“so. will you be mine yn?”

“i was already yours to begin with, doofus.” jake flashes that cute smile of his that you love and leans in to kiss you once again.

you've spent four years wondering if jake could ever return your feelings. day after day being his best friend that's hopelessly in love with him. now that you didn't have to wonder anymore, you deem that this rainy day is the best day of your life.

© fakeuwus 2023 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize

[boyfhee]

യ CRUSHED : PARK JONGSEONG TEASER

SYNOPSIS : fifteen years, a lost love, untold feelings, a breaking heart— crushed. they say if you wish desperately enough for something, the whole universe gets together to give it to you. perhaps, it's the reason why you find yourself back in your highschool, fifteen years ago, with a fluttering love, some lingering feelings, a doting heart, and your first heart break— park jongseong.

or wherein, life gives you another chance with your first love.

GENRE : fantasy, angst, romance, time travel

WC : teaser is 0.7k, est 10k+ for fic

WARNINGS : angst but with a happy ending guys trust me, a lot of mentions of crying, alcoholic drinks, more will be added in the main fic post

NOTES : i knew my jay era would give birth to a jay long fic i say we cheer :› NO BC THIS MAN IS SO FINE just like this fic i'm planning saur. please read. i hope u enjoy the teaser, send an ask / drop a comment to join the taglist

it’s the invitation you’ve been looking at for ten minutes now, standing outside the venue. papers coloured rose, golden letters engraved, names and air spilling with love. it’s the mood of the day, the flow of a typical august wednesday that carries you inside the venue, to the celebration hall. the air inside smells of fresh roses, it’s expected when you see a huge bunch used as decoration in every corner and on table tops. and then you look at the invitation again.

joo miran weds park jongseong.

your best friend weds your other best friend, your first best friend. your first crush. your first love.

the subtle silence in the air was deafening until you see jay sneaking into miran’s suit, or so you assume, although it’s true. from sneaking into her classes to sneaking into her room at night to take her out for a midnight date, sneaking across hallways to catch a glance— just one look, even a fraction of a second is enough— to now, sneaking around the wedding hall to savour that ‘just one look’ at the bride, his bride, as if a lifetime isn’t waiting for them. 

“i thought grooms and brides weren’t supposed to see each other before the wedding,” it’s your voice that stops jay from kissing her cheeks, although you know he would’ve still done it if he wanted to.

“ah well—” he rubs the back of his neck, it’s a habit that gives away his nervousness. habits are hard to change, let alone letting go of one. “do you really expect me to hold back when she looks like this?” and he looks at her as if she put the stars in the sky, or as if she’s a star herself, graced upon earth for him, and only for him. knowing jay, he would say it. 

“you look good too,” you look perfect, you wanted to say. however, you don’t. you don’t know why, it’s normal for friends to compliment each other. you don’t know how many times you’ve called him handsome, you don’t know the last time you called him that. “congrats, by the way,” 

and loving jay is a habit. 

“thanks,” she smiles, looking at you. “wouldn’t have been possible if not for you,”

it’s something you can’t get out of yourself. no amount of blind dates can do it for you, no amount of heartbreaks can colour him bad. 

“no really,” his voice pulls you out of your thoughts, and you unconsciously smile a bit more. “thanks for setting me up with miran,” 

no amount of time can push you forward to move on from him. fifteen years, a lost love, untold feelings, a breaking heart— crushed. the world moved on, you did too, yet your heart is still there— gyeonggi suwon international school, fourth floor, the first class from the stairs. fourth desk, the one right next to the window, a view expanded across the school ground, a way for you to watch jay’s football matches between lessons. 

his heart is with someone else while yours is where you realised your feelings for him, left behind— crushed. 

and it’s a shame to live like this, as if there’s no point to life. to hold back tears at your best friends’ wedding, to force a smile when they kiss, to stare from a distance when she threw the bouquet, to cry in the washroom after all is done. head buried in your hands, muffled sobs as you hear a few women talk outside your stall. you don’t pay attention to them, you couldn’t. you had realised you couldn’t pay attention to anything that wasn’t him or about him. so you just sit there, head buried in hands, eyes closed, not paying attention to anything.

yn.

you hear your name. 

once.

yn?

twice.

“yn,” thrice. “are you okay?” and you turn around, it’s the same scenario— gyeonggi suwon international school, the fourth desk by the window, the sunlight falling upon. your eyes meet his, and then his smile. your best friend, your first best friend.

your first heartbreak.

“wanna get ice cream on our way back home?” you nod instinctively, habitually. it’s how things went fifteen years ago when you had realised your feelings for him. it feels the same, fluttering love, lingering feelings, a doting heart, and park jongseong.

crushed. 

[ynsvnte]

Everyone adores you (at least I do) — Park Jongseong

Genre: fluff, friends to lovers, slight angst, wc: 868 warnings: swearing, pet names, kissing, arguing, pairing: bff!Jay x fem!reader

Synopsis: Your were always well liked growing up even by Jay. Having a huge crush on you and trying to show signals. until that’s when he had enough.

Sing along at Lispenard St. (Series Masterlist)

Jay smiled hearing your giggles. Oh how downright bad this boy was for you. Little backstory, You and Jay grow up being neighbors and your parents thought about inviting their new neighbors over to welcome them. When you both first met, you both clicked instantly. Having a friend around during the weekends was great. As you and Jay were insuperable, growing up everyone knew how much Jay liked you. Everyone expect, you. You did like Jay at one point but just gave up as one of your friends also liked him too and you thought she deserved him more (she got rejected) Now in university you both are going to the same university. Still insuperable.

“Hey Jay look..” you show Jay your phone, a video of a puppy that you thought was adorable. Jay gets closer and watches the video. Laughing at the cute puppy. “Hmm, very cute..” He said. You turn off your phone and sit up. “So are you doing anything..this weekend..?” You asked Jay, curious what he's been up to. “Nothing really, just might just stay indoors all day maybe..” your mouth widens. “Staying indoors..? Jay you got to be kidding me. You should go out with your friends and find yourself a girlfriend..” your words seemed pathetic to him. Girlfriend? Who is he to find one when he has you..that’s if the feeling is mutual of course. “Yn look I’m not looking for someone right now..” all lies he wants you. “Whatever” you roll your eyes at him. Jay could only hope that one day you could realize his feelings for you..

2 days later..

You and Jay are now in his dorm room. Working on assignments that are due tomorrow. “Some professors should fucking rot in hell.” You muttered, making Jay laugh. “Yeah..but watch that pretty mouth of yours..” he warns. He glances over to you. Noticing you didn’t react to his words. He only signs before going back to work. Trying to ignore the feeling of annoyance.

1 week later

Jay visits you unexpectedly.

“Hey..” he said awkwardly. You wave at him allowing him inside. “So what brings you here?” You asked him. “Nothing just bored sweetheart.” Sweetheart..this made you blush a bit but you ignore the feeling. Jay settles down onto your sofa getting comfortable.

“Hey now you’re the guest..” you say giving him a glare.. “yeah but this is like my second home.” You shake your head in disappointment before sitting down next to Jay. Turning on the tv.

“You know I had one girl ask me if we’re dating..” you spoke up. It wasn’t new for others to think you both were dating. Everyone was convinced you were together. Just by the way you both interact with each other. “Oh..” Jay said.. He wishes it was real..

“It would be weird if we dated..” okay ouch..Jay wished deeply how you see his feelings and his thoughts about you. To him you were the most perfect person in the world. Jay goes silent. Making you worried.

“You alright..?” You asked him.. jay nodded a bit before speaking up.

“Are you sure it would be weird if we dated..” Jay's tone was stern, making you shiver a bit. “Y-yeah..”

“And how would it be weird?” He asked, that question caught you off guard. “Well to be truthfully honest. I don’t know.. I mean you don’t like me-“

“Says who..?” Huh..? What does he mean by that.. “what..?” Okay now you’re very confused. “How do you know I don’t like you..” Well you don’t have any good reason at all you just assume because you thought Jay would never like you. Especially considering a lot of girls like him. “W-well i-i don’t know..” Jay only sighs in frustration.

“Yn..this is all bullshit..Yn I want to say this..I like you. More than a friend..I keep giving you hints hoping you would notice one day. But no you never do. I liked you for years. And yet you want to say it would be weird? Yn we’ve known each other for so long..” what.. his words shocked you. You face him with your eyes wides

“Huh-..” you’re only shocked. Not knowing your crush likes you back. Yeah after all you couldn’t move on. “You like me..?” You asked him. “Yes..” Jay says, looking straight at you. You only looked down at your lap. Before you feel a hand touch your face, grazing your cheek. You move your head slightly before seeing Jay's face close to yours. You and Jay both make eye contact. Not breaking it.

“C-can I..?” Jay asked. You only nodded your head. You feel his lips meet yours. His lips felt so nice. You move your arms and wrap it around his neck. And you feel him move, making you sit on his lap. You feel him wrap his arms around your waist. Pulling you closer. You both kiss for a few more minutes before pulling away. Both gasping for air. Jay pulls you into a hug..

“I love you…” he says softly into your ear.. you sink into his hug and kiss his cheek

“I love you too..” ahh young love.

Author’s note: went overboard with Jay sorry but 800+ without me not losing motivation something is wrong.. 🦧 or it’s bc my drafts is filled and it’s annoying me so much

© ynsvnte copyright 2024

[odiesbun]

...♡He forgets about date♡...

There may be errors in the text, as my native language is not English. Thank you for your likes and your request!

genre: fluff, a little angst at some points.

warning: established relationships, dating, resentments, food references, a lot of apologies.

w.c: 1.2k

♡Heeseung♡

•As soon as he realizes his mistake, the realization of the absurdity of the situation hits him in the face. Especially when you come home cheerless, your lips pressed together and your eyebrows furrowed.

He rushes over to you, helping you to take off your jacket, his heart dropping all at once, when you accidentally touch your palms and he feels the cold coming from you.

- „Honey, I'm sorry... Jake and I accidentally played a computer game, and by the time I got home, it was too late...” - Heeseung ready to almost cry, his hands are shaking a little, and he hesitates before he tries to hug you. - „I called you, but you didn't answer... We can have a home date now, if you want.”

•Naturally, you refuse because it's way past midnight on the clock and you're not in the mood for that. So he decides to just order takeout and put on his laptop an interesting movie that you and he have wanted to watch for a long time.

As soon as Heeseung realizes that you've given the okay for him to forgive you, he quietly walks up behind you, gently pulling you toward him and laying his head on the top of your head(because he's a huge, tall boy, YES).

- „I'm really, really sorry... I'll make it up to you, honey.” - He sighs, burying his nose in your neck.

♡Jay♡

•Jay has always been afraid of this, he was afraid of looking like a laughing stock in your eyes and now, his fears have been confirmed. Once he realizes his guilt, he'll go crazy, tearing up your phone with calls and texts.

- „Are you still there?“ - Gasping, Jay asks, listening to you sigh softly.

- „No, I'm home now.“ - You answer. Jay is silent for a few seconds, on the other end of the phone you hear the car door slam, he's about to drive home.

- „Find that movie you wanted to see. I'll be there soon, we'll have a date at home.“

•He manages to stop at a few stores with your favorite food on the way, so he'll come back with huge bags, apologies, and a cute, apologetic face.

- „I didn't know exactly what you wanted at the moment...“ - He mumbles, handing you one of the bags, making you smirk.

- „Is that why you bought up the whole store?“ - You smirk, arching an eyebrow.

- „Yeah. Sorry. And I'm sorry for forgetting about the date, too...“ - Jay smiles, kissing you on the cheek.

(I'm begging, just give me a boyfriend like Jay and I'll be satisfied, I REALLY I love Jay, aaaaaaahhhhhh.)

♡Jake♡

•Jake accidentally lost track of time and he honestly thought it was Wednesday and not Friday, so he went home like nothing happened. However, when he walks into the empty apartment and he sees your beauty products on the dressing table, his heart bleeds and he's already rushing to the door when a distraught you walk in.

After an awkward pause between the two of you, Jake sighs, biting his lower lip nervously.

- „How long have you been waiting, baby?“ - He looks at you fondly, reaching his hand out to brush away a loose strand of hair.

- „An hour and a half...“ - You sigh in response, averting your frustrated eyes, making Jake gasp in guilt.

•He'll probably draw you a hot bath so you can rest and put on some scented candles. He'll be quietly apologetic then as he leans over your face, maybe he'll even give you a massage.

- „Relax...“ - Jake whispers quietly as he runs his hands down your back. He hears your quiet, measured breathing, Sim smiles. - „Sorry again. I suggest we have a date this weekend, is that okay with you, baby?“

♡Sunghoon♡

•He'll be perfectly calm on the surface, but his heart will jump out of his chest and his eyes will run frantically around the room. I don't think it was Sunghoon's fault, but the app probably picked up the wrong date and Sunghoon didn't double-check. So when you were peacefully waiting for him at the restaurant for hours and he was already home in the bedroom, he didn't understand for a long time why you left so late.

- „I guess she went out to the store?“ - Hoon went over and over in his head several times, but when you showed up in the bedroom in your beautiful dress and makeup, he understood everything.

- „Oh... You... I'm sorry.“ - He sighed, running his hand through his hair. He expected you to ignore him, that's why you did it.

- „If I'd known, I wouldn't have rushed into this date.“ - You press your lips together, rattling to close the door and run to the bathroom.

•Sunghoon is the kind of person who will take the day off to intelligently explain to you the reason you missed your date and spend more time with you. Maybe even give you a number two home date because date number one was a bust.

- „Hey, princess...“ - Sunghoon smirks as he affectionately intertwines your fingers with each other. - „What do you think of the idea of going to the park now? The weather's nice outside, we can go out, I hear there's a new cafe opening up in that park.“

♡Sunoo♡

•Sunoo gets scared. He realizes how badly he screwed up, so he's afraid to see your reaction. Regardless of whether you keep quiet, cry, curse, or just sigh and give up on the problem, Sunoo will still stand behind you with an apologetic expression on his face.

As you make your way to the bathroom to wash off the rest of your makeup. Sunoo is left standing in the doorway, awkwardly playing with his fingers and afraid to even look at you.

- „What?“ - You see his reflection in the mirror, and your gaze softens, but there are still notes of sadness and irritation in your voice.

- „I'm sorry...“- Mumbles Sunoo, shrinking.

•I sincerely think that Sunoo apologizes with actions and not with words. So probably the next morning, when Sunoo leaves for work early, on your bedside table you'll find a bouquet of flowers, a bag of your favorite food and mint chocolate (if you don't like mint chocolate, read: your favorite chocolate).

- „Flower, did you get my gift?“ - In the middle of the work day, Sunoo finds the strength to call you. You naturally thank him, to which he chuckles. - „It's an apology for missing your date last night.“

♡Jungwon♡

•Jungwon was on the set of the new music video for the comeback and filming dragged on a little longer than planned... So when he was coming home tired and hungry, he saw you upset at your doorstep. At first he wanted to ask you what happened, but his heart gave the right answer.

- „You're freezing, let's go home...“ - Jungwon sighs, throwing his jacket over your shoulders and reaching out your hand to help you stand up. He probably asks you several times how you're feeling, not just physically, but mentally. If you don't want to talk to him, he'll let you know he's sorry and apologize several times before asking if you want him to sleep in the same bed with you or if he needs to go to the guest room/living room.

•In the morning, Jungwon will hundred percent make you breakfast in bed and send Maeumi to you with a note of apology sticking in him collar.

- „Jungwon, what's that?“ - You smirk, taking the note out of Maeumi's collar, which was hanging around your feet. The young man looks away embarrassed, smiling.

- „The note... With an apology... It's difficult for me to apologize with words, so I wrote here what I thought last night...“ - Quietly Yang answers, turning over another pancake in the pan.

♡Niki♡

•The absurdity of this situation was that Niki. He just fell asleep. And the only people who knew about the situation were Jungwon and you, but Jungwon wasn't in the dorm at that moment, and you couldn't reach Nishimura. But as soon as he woke up and saw the 30 missed calls from you and about 12 messages, he stormed out of the dormitory.

You were still sitting in that park, scrolling frustratedly through your phone in your hand, about to leave, when Niki swooped in with a hug and an apology.

- „You're late...“ - You sigh tiredly, unable to contain your smile. Niki smiles back, kissing your forehead, cheeks, and finally your lips.

- „But I came after all.“ - Nishimura smirks, intertwining your fingers together.

•As an apology, Niki won't tease you for three days and succumb to you in all the games you'll play in the games.

- „You're just lucky I love you.“ - Niki hums as you raise your hands victoriously in the air, winning Riki once again for the day, and he leans over to give you an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

[justtwotired]

A little off - Cole Brookstone x F!reader

Summary: reader has a traumatic childhood with an abusive father. She has struggled with this for a long time, but living with the ninja made her life better and she barely thinks a lot it… until she bumps into him one day.

Warnings: mentions of abuse, child abuse, curse words, hitting, black outs, attempted murder, stabbing, knifes, angst, fluff

“N/n? N/nnn?” I was lost in my thoughts not hearing the voice call for me. “Y/n!” Fingers snapped in front of my face and I looked up. “What?” I asked, a bit out of it.

“You agree with me that cheese puffs are way better then snake gummy’s right?” Jay asked making Kai disagree and try to explain why Snake Gummy’s where in fact better.

“Are you alright?” I looked at Zane who gave me a concerned look. I nodded with what I hoped was a reassuring smile, “I’m fine,” I said a bit weakly.

“If you say so,” he said a bit sceptically and turned to the two arguing ninja.

Of course I had lied, I hadn’t been fine since I had bumped into him.

He had snapped at me that I needed to watch where I was going, and then he recognised me. A smirk had appeared on his face and I could feel my stomach sink.

“Well well, if it isn’t my dear daughter, it has been a while,” he said and I had taken a few steps back from him, cowering in fear.

“Leave me alone,” I whimpered which only made him laugh and mock me. He raised his hand to slap me across the face, but to both our surprises, I had blocked him.

His eyes had widened in fury, he had cursed and yelled and it seemed as if he was ready to murder me.

I had run, I ran as fast as I could and left my grocery bag behind.

That was a week ago and I couldn’t get him out of my head since. With everything that had been going on in my life, I hadn’t realised that my father had been released from prison about two months ago, now I lived in fear of seeing him around.

Suddenly there was a warm hand on my shoulder and I looked up. It was Cole and he gave me a concerned look.

“Are you alright, love?” He asked and I slightly nodded. I felt bad for lying, I really did, but I just couldn’t get myself to speak of what was bothering me.

“Dinner is ready, we called for you but you didn’t answer,” he said and I looked around. The room was empty except for us, when had the others left? How long have I been sitting here.

“Oh,” I said and got up. “What’s for dinner?” I asked, hoping it would wash away the concerned look on his face, it didn’t, but it was a good attempt.

“Spaghetti, Zane’s recipe,” he said with a slight smile and I just realised how hungry I was. When was the last time I had eaten?

After dinner, we all headed to the living room to watch a movie together as it was Friday.

Kai and Jay proceeded to fight about what movie we should watch and they ended up yelling at each other making me wince.

“You good for nothing slut! Couldn’t you just have died like your stupid mother did when you where born?”

I put my hands over my ears and felt tears forming in my eyes. Suddenly there where hands around my wrists and out of instinct I pulled away immediately.

When I opened my eyes I saw Cole’s shocked face and the yelling had stopped. “N/n, are you alright?” He asked, all eyes where on me, all rather concerned.

“I’m fine,’ I quickly said, “I don’t like yelling,” I added, to make it more believable. It was true, I hate yelling.

“Sorry, Y/n, we know you hate it,” Kai said, suddenly going soft. I always liked it when he went into his big brother mode, yet all I could do now was just give him a weak smile.

The movie was over, but when i was brushing my teeth, I could barely recall what we had watched.

I still felt those hands around my wrists, it icked me and I squeezed my eyes shut in the hole the flashbacks would go away.

“Please let go,”

“Please let go’ stop whining you stupid goddamn bitch, you sound like a little kid!” He yelled in my face and moments after I felt a hard sting on my cheeks as he had slapped me across the face making me fall over, he finally let go making my head hit the ground.

“Y/n!” My eyes opened and Nya stood above me with wide eyes. I was laying on the bathroom floor and I quickly sat up.

“What the hell happened?” She asked me and I shrugged. “I tripped over the towel, you should tell Jay he shouldn’t leave them everywhere,” I joked and she gave a light chuckle.

“I shall inform him, are you alright, though?” She asked and I nodded. “I’m fine, this will give me a headache tomorrow though,” I said and we laughed about it a bit before she left.

When the door closed my smile fell and I let out a long sigh, washing my face quickly.

I looked up in the mirror and took a step back in horror, squeezing my eyes shut. When I opened them, the sight of my father was gone and I was looking back at myself again.

Why did I see him everywhere now?

I suddenly felt eerie being alone. What if he suddenly jumped out and hurt me? What if he killed me this time ‘round? He would, he has tried before, the scars on my stomach and neck where living proof.

I walked out of the bathroom and past my bedroom door.

Knocking on another door, I silently awaited for it to open.

“Y/n?” Cole was a bit surprised when he saw me. I fumbled with my sleeve as I looked down with a slight blush. “Can I sleep here tonight?” I asked and he smiled softly.

“Of course, come in,” he opened the door more and let me walk in.

Cole wasn’t dumb, he knew something was wrong, that I had been off the past few days, he was just to sweet to start about it, waiting till I was comfortable to talk about it myself.

In bed, he pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around me.

It made me feel secure, like nothing could hurt me while he held me. I buried my face in his chest and soon fell asleep.

“Wait! No, no!” I screamed as I saw the sharp knife coming towards me and stumbled back against the wall. I screamed in agony as it made contact with my skin, hearing my father laugh all the while.

I shot up from the bed, cold sweat was making its way down my back and my hair was sticking against my forehead.

Cole’s back was turned towards me, must’ve turned in his sleep…

I slowly got out of bed, I needed a drink. I was about to leave the room when I stopped myself.

He wouldn’t be down there, would he?

My eyes fell on a small dagger laying on Cole’s nightstand and with shaking hands I picked it up.

‘It’s for protection.’ I told myself. ‘It won’t hurt you as long as you are the one holding it.’

I entered the kitchen and filled a glass of water, still holding the dagger in my hand, I took a few sips and then put it down.

I should get back to sleep before Cole wak-

Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder and I turned around and swung the dagger at my attacker…

But… it wasn’t an attacker at all. Cole stopped my hand and the tip of the knife bad inches away from his face.

He looked at me in shock and tears formed into my eyes. I dropped the dagger and it hit the ground with a clang.

“Sweetheart,” he started, putting my arm down and pulling me into a hug. “You have to tell me what’s wrong, I want to help you, I really do.” He reassured me, rubbing circles on my back.

“I’m fine,” I said and I pulled away and held me at arms length. “Y/n,” he said sternly, “you just almost stabbed me because I laid my hand on your shoulder, you aren’t fine,” Cole stated and my stomach sank.

If he hadn’t stopped me, I could’ve killed him, I would’ve been a murderer… I would have killed my own boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” tears streamed down my face. “I don’t want to hurt you,” I said, hiccuping with sobs.

I then realised something, the knife, the stabbing… it was just like my father.

“I’m becoming just like him,” I whispered to myself but Cole heard and frowned slightly.

“Like who?” He asked and I looked up at him, lips trembling. “Like- l-like…” I couldn’t say it and just broke down in sobs again.

Realisation suddenly dawned on his features and he put both his hands on my cheeks lovingly, looking in my eyes with a stern but soft look.

“Listen, Y/n.” He started. “You are a wonderful person and the best thing that ever happened to me. Don’t even think about comparing yourself to that monster,” he said and I swallowed.

I was the best thing that ever happened to him.

I cracked a small smile making him give me a hopeful one aswel. Maybe I should tell him, it would be for the best…

“I saw him,” I stated and the smile fell. “What?” His voice shook slightly. “I saw him after doing the groceries, he- he-” I broke down sobbing again and he pulled me in his arms.

“No, no it’s alright, it’s fine, you don’t have to explain what happened,” he reassured. He knew enough when I said I saw him.

“He can’t hurt you when you are here, my love,” he rocked me slightly back and forth. “He can’t come here and if he somehow does, I will protect you with everything I have, he won’t lay a finger on you, we will all protect you,” he said and kissed the top of my head.

“He is never going to hurt you ever again.” He promised.

Maybe I will make a pt 2 of this, if I do you will find the link here eventually.

[tornoleander]

Jay’s been through it

CW: Sexual assault Implications brief discussion of sexual predators + lotta swearing

(Please let me know if I missed any content warnings and Check if you are ok to hear this theory before reading. This type content has potential to help or hurt you depending on who you are as is the nature of problematic themes. Safety over curiosity.)

This is cannon compliment. Uhh kids show?! Yeah I know shouldn’t really have these themes but they’re there hear me out. Spoilers for season 6/8 I guess.

I’m bothered by this scene and how It connect to certain events so I’ll cautiously share

Sons of Garmadon Episode 7:

Here is the clip

Kelo asks “Where’s the green Ninja”

WHAT THE FUCK! Dude the double take I had when first watching this.

So he looked at Kelo’s… lower half and basically said ‘Cole shut up that man’s crotch is too close’. And not in Jay joking tone, he’s like dead serious and stressed. (The scene just cuts away after)

Jay you ok? Why is it implied some guy might have tried something?! Why else would he say that?! Who the FUCK touched my boi? What even is this scene?!

The fact it’s Jay that said it out of everyone is bad because it’s been implied to him before.

So let’s talk about the darkest Ninjago theory that’s been quietly circulating for a while in fan content. For simplicity I’ll call it captains quarters theory, If you’re unfamiliar I’ll explain.

Basically some speculation happened because of a certain villain that displayed subtle ongoing predatory behavior. And a part when Jay was his prisoner that caused people to worry what happened before the scene started.

As some of you have caught on It’s the scene where Cole rescues Jay from Misfortunes Keep.

He didn’t find Jay in his cell where he should have.

Cole found him beaten as ninjago has ever depicted except when literally dying.

Alone

no explanation given.

In the corner of Captains Quarters.

Nadakhan’s room.

Dude :(

And his concern afterwards.

And thinking he didn’t deserve saving.

“Thank you for trying to save me,-

It’s Just a lot.

Doing awful things to make Jay wish it all away is terrifyingly in Nadakhan’s character. Not just the sadistic torture part.

Nadakhan has many behaviors similar to a sexual predator. I’ll go over it briefly but see my last post for a detailed analysis.

He Seeks out vulnerable people for victims. The Ninja are teens and he waits till or makes them emotionally vulnerable. The way he talks about gifting his wishes and giving his victims anything they desire can be read as grooming behavior. His secrecy in getting all the ninja alone and doesn’t even talk to his crew about his plans. Manipulative and Controlling obviously.

And the most glaring issues he’s WAY tooo fucking touchy all the time. Like watch his body language during Skybound and see how uncomfortable it is

“Too slow junkyard boy”

Not to mention how explicitly he doesn’t care about consent….

And “If you don’t come willingly Nya, I will take you regardless” followed by a forced marriage.

Side note he doesn’t refers to Jay with his name and the things he calls him…uggh “What lies is our little canary whistling now, hmm?”

So… It’s cannon compliant that something was attempted or happened to Jay. Bruh wtf.

Well if you feel like you resonate with this or it may help there a few great fanworks that explore this I can recommend if interested. Mmm comfort angst.

(Note don’t bother anyone for enjoying Nadakhan as a character. It’s fiction and it hurts no one)

[slut4thebroken]

Chapter three: Deja Vu

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Arkham Knight/Jason Todd × Bruce's daughter!reader

Summary | Jason comes back from an unsuccessful mission, so this time you help him take his mind off it.

Warnings | Angst, smut, face fucking, deep throating, cuteness, ahhh

Words | 5.2 k

Notes | Should I add another smut scene after this chapter before it just goes straight to angst city?

Ao3 link | <3

Fic Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Chapter two

When your eyes fluttered open and you reached out, your stomach dropped as you only felt sheets. Was it really just another dream? Instead of giving into the tears, you fully opened your eyes to look around. This is definitely not your room, so no, it wasn’t a dream. You all but breathed a sigh of relief. A note on the nightstand caught your eye and you sleepily reached for it. 

I have to take care of something. I shouldn’t be gone long though, just a few hours max. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. -Jay

You found yourself smiling at the note, feeling giddy and light headed knowing that he really was back. He came back to you. When you read the note again, your smile started to fade. What was he taking care of? Part of you prayed it was anything but what you thought it was… But you really doubt that. The thought made your stomach twist. He’s not really going to kill your dad… right? He was just saying that out of anger? Would he even be able to? A lot have tried and none have been successful, but Jason has a lot of rage and you don’t know how much he trained before coming back. 

You sat up in the bed, but quickly got up, too anxious to just sit and let your thoughts wander. You didn’t want to put your jeans back on so you instinctively grabbed a shirt from his closet. Before putting it on, you held it up to your face and inhaled deeply. It smells different. Still like Jason, but something’s not the same. 

As you put it on, you couldn’t help but remember all the times you went into his room and just laid in his bed or hugged his clothes. You even refused to let Alfred wash his sheets. But eventually when the scent of his bed turned into your own, you just sobbed the entire night. After a while, when you forced yourself to start healing, you had Alfred lock his room up and hide the key. So sometimes you’d just end up sitting in the hallway against his door, stifling your cries so no one heard you. 

You were too nervous to eat anything so you just grabbed some water and sat on the couch. You weren’t sure how much time had passed before the front door was being opened and slammed shut, making you flinch. Heavy steps grew closer until he was in the living room. He took off his helmet and threw it at the wall, then yelled, “Fuck!” 

When he brought his hands up to pull his hair, you walked over to him. You gently placed a hand on his arm, making him flinch away and turn toward you. His eyes were red rimmed and blood shot, brows furrowed, and lips in a frown. You tentatively placed a hand on his cheek, waiting for him to make the next move. 

“Talk to me.” You said softly, gaze trailing all over his face. His frown somehow deepened and he shook his head as he bit his quivering lip. 

“I hate him.” Your heart ached when his voice broke. “I hate him and I want him dead, but-“ He cut himself off with a choked sob and you waited for him to continue. “But I’m too fucking weak that I can’t even do that.” He growled, ripping himself away from you. You silently breathed a sigh of relief. 

“That doesn’t make you weak, it makes you strong.” You said quietly, worried you’d say the wrong thing and upset him more. 

“No it doesn’t.” He scoffed bitterly. “If I can’t even kill the man responsible for this,” He pointed to the large scar on his cheek, “that makes me weak.” Your brows furrowed at his words, not understanding who he’s talking about now. He seemed to pick up on your confusion though. “The only reason any of this shit fucking happened was because of him. I lost you because he left me there!” He yelled brokenly. You mulled his words over in your head, deciding how to go about this. 

“I don’t know what.. he said to you to make you feel this way, but deep down you have to know that my dad wouldn’t do that. He loved you- loves you. Sure, he does a shit job of expressing it, but you have to know he does.” He started shaking his head again as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

“No- no! You’re lying.” 

“Jason… losing you.. broke him. He’d never admit it, but he hasn’t been the same since he lost you.” 

“Stop.” He said lowly, not looking at you. 

“It broke him almost as much as it broke me. He’s just better at hiding it and bottling it up. He- he looked for you, for months straight. That was all he did. The only reason he stopped was because Joker sent him a video of your death. And even then, Dick had to convince him that it was real.” 

“Stop!” He brought his hands up to his hair, pulling as he started shaking his head again. 

“Jason, you have to know deep down that I’m telling the truth.”

“Stop it! Stop- talking! Just stop-“ He yelled, finally looking at you. His eyes were wet with unshed tears, lips red from how hard he was biting them. You sighed- you’re not going to get anywhere with this in his current state. 

“Let’s not talk about it anymore. You need time.” 

“I don’t fucking need time and there’s nothing to talk about.” He spat. You did your best not to flinch at the harshness of his words. 

“Okay.” You said softly. “How about I make us some food?” You just wanted to take his mind off if. 

“I’m not hungry.” He muttered. 

“Okay… Well, how about we take a shower? I know I feel a little gross from… you know.. and I’m sure you’re a little gross too.” You gave him a small smile, all but beaming when he returned it. He seemed to finally notice what you were wearing and his eyes widened in shock as his gaze trailed down your body. 

“You’re wearing my shirt.” He muttered, almost to himself. Your cheeks flushed as you fidgeted with the fabric. 

“Y-yeah. Sorry, I should’ve asked.” It was stupid of you to just immediately jump back into your old ways after all this time. Instead of responding, he grabbed the shirt and pulled you into his body. You landed against him with a gasp and looked up at him with wide eyes. 

“Keep wearing my clothes and you’re gonna have to live on my cock.”

“Is that supposed to make me not want to do it?” You smirked, sliding your hands up his chest to wrap around his shoulders. 

“…No.” He mirrored your smirk, then leaned down to kiss you. This one was slow and passionate, filled with love and longing rather than desperation and hunger. 

“Shower sex?” You rolled your eyes and playfully slapped his chest. 

“No, Jason. Everytime we do that we never end up showering.” He gave you puppy dog eyes and opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a loud rumbling noise from your stomach. He let out a dramatic sigh, making you smile. 

“Fine. Normal shower, then you eat, then I fuck you.” 

“Deal.” 

You made your way to the bathroom and he started removing his clothes, but froze when you lifted the shirt over your head and let it drop to the ground. You could feel his eyes on you as you bent over to turn on the shower, making him let out a low groan. 

“Princess…” He warned, making you turn back around to face him. 

“Hm?” You asked, a saccharine smile on your face. 

“If you expect me to uphold the deal, you need to stop teasing me.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You said innocently, making him scoff. “Now hurry up.” You said as you stepped into the shower. The warm water covered your body like a blanket and you closed your eyes with a smile as you stood under it. Two arms wrapped around you and you leaned back against his chest. 

“Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me?” You smirked, just barely pushing your ass back against his growing length. He moved his grip to your hips, squeezing hard enough that you’d probably bruise, and pulled you completely against his body. 

“You’re lucky I care about your general health and wellbeing cause if I didn’t, I’d already have you on my cock.” He growled against your ear, making you shiver. 

“See? Most selfless man I’ve ever met.” You turned around and placed your hands on his chest, but froze when you felt the scars. Instead of looking down, you forced yourself to keep your eyes on his as you swallowed thickly. Snaking a hand down his stomach, you only stopped when you reached his happy trail, giving him a chance to stop you. When he didn’t, you continued until you wrapped a hand around his length making him hiss. 

“Baby…” You shushed him and pushed him back a little so you had room to get on your knees. When you looked up at him from the floor, he choked out a moan and ran his fingers through your hair. “Fuck- you don’t… you don’t have to, princess.” 

“I want to.” You slowly started stroking him, waiting for his permission. “Please?” He all but went feral from that one word. Your gaze trailed down his body as you waited, only lingering on the scars for a moment before moving on. With his cock right in front of your face- red, leaking precum, almost throbbing- you were practically salivating at the thought of having him in your mouth again. “Please.” Your voice was so whiny that you knew if this was under normal circumstances, he would’ve dragged it out longer just to tease you. 

“Okay, baby. Go ahead.” You dived forward, instantly enveloping the head of his cock in your mouth, flicking your tongue over it. Moaning at the taste, you took him in deeper and his grip tightened on your hair, but he didn’t try to control the pace like he used to. After bobbing your head a few times, you grew too impatient and pulled off. 

“Jay, c’mon.” You whined. 

“Fuck- are you sure?” He choked out, staring down at you with furrowed brows and half lidded eyes. Instead of responding, you wrapped your arms around his thighs and closed your lips around the tip, waiting. 

He tentatively pushed your head down, stopping when he brushed the back of your throat, then pulled you back until only the tip was inside. He repeated that only a few more times before you impatiently pushed the back of his thighs toward you, letting him know you wanted more. You understood that he was trying to go slow and let you get used to his size again, but you didn’t want to go slow. You wanted him to fuck your face until you were drooling from both your mouth and your cunt. 

He let out a low, breathy chuckle, then accommodated your request. Instead of fucking your face, he pulled your head down until his length brushed the back of your mouth, then continued until he breached your throat barrier. 

“Fuck- oh my god.” He said through a moan, holding your head down. You did your best to breathe through your nose and not gag. He pulled your head back, then did it faster this time, making you choke as your vision grew blurry with tears. When he pulled you back again, he let you go all the way off his length and you lightly coughed as he stroked your hair. 

“You doing okay?” He asked softly, making your stomach flutter. You nodded and looked up at him as you opened your mouth, ready for more. He gave you a proud smile and grabbed your hair with both hands before filling your mouth again. He started with bobbing your head up and down, letting you get used to it, then sped up. You managed to last for a few seconds before your gag reflex kicked in and he let you pull off of him. 

“Don’t,” You cleared your throat when you heard how raspy your voice was. “Don’t let me pull off. I’ll pinch your thigh if it’s too much. Promise.” He let out a low groan and leaned down to press a brief kiss to your lips. 

“So fucking good for me, aren’t you? My good girl.” He purred, making your cheeks heat up. All you could do was nod, making him release a low chuckle as he leaned back up. He pushed back in, starting a fast pace, and you did your best to breathe through your nose and relax. He held your head still as his hips bucked forward, growing more and more eager. When you choked and instinctively pulled away, his grip on your hair tightened, making you whimper in pain. You sputtered around him, trying to gain control of your gag reflex again, but he pulled you off before you could. As you panted, you watched as he stroked his cock in front of you teasingly. You whined and leaned forward, but his grip on your hair stopped you. 

“You want it?” He said lowly, poorly concealing a smirk. 

“Please, Jay.” Your voice was even more hoarse now. 

“So needy. All this time apart made you forget your training?” He asked, tilting his head questioningly with an exaggerated frown that made your stomach twist. 

“I’m sorry.” You whimpered, eyeing his cock. He yanked your head back uncomfortably until all you could see was his face and the ceiling. 

“Speak up.” He spat, adding to your arousal. 

“I’m sorry.” You spoke louder this time, but it was still a whimper. 

“You’re lucky I don't feel like reminding you right now.” Before you could even think of a response, he was thrusting inside your mouth again, roughly bucking his hips against your face. You gagged and instinctively tried to pull away, but his grip was unmoving. So you placed your hands on the front of his thighs and tried to push yourself away from him. In retaliation, he turned you slightly until you were in front of the wall, then held your head against it as he continued wildly bucking his hips. The action almost made you come on the spot. 

“Take it. You fuckin wanted it, so take it.” He growled. But despite his roughness, you knew if you pinched him, he would stop immediately. 

Jason finally stopped bucking into your mouth and instead buried his cock all the way down your throat until your nose met his pelvis. You were trapped, unable to move back because of the wall and unable to move to the side because of his hands. And although you didn’t want to panic because you enjoyed this, your body didn’t understand that what was happening wasn’t a threat to your life. So you clawed at his thighs, trying to push him back as you struggled beneath him with tears filling your eyes. He was so deep that you could barely even choke. 

When he finally pulled back, you took in a deep breath as you started coughing. Your chest heaved as you caught your breath, readying yourself to continue, but his fingers lightly grabbed your chin to tilt your head up. The second you saw his face, you knew you were going to have to reassure him. 

“I’m okay.” You rasped, clearing your throat. But he wasn’t convinced. “Promise, Jay. Would’ve pinched you if I wasn’t.” He seemed hesitant, but you knew he knew you were telling the truth. 

“We don’t have to keep going. Or you can control the pace again or I can ease up. Whatever you want, baby.” He said, cupping your cheek. You leaned into the touch, feeling butterflies in your stomach. 

“No.”

“…No?” 

“No. Want you to use my mouth to get yourself off until you come down my throat.” He let out a choked moan and you could see his cock twitch out of the corner of your eye. 

“Jesus- fuck… It won’t take long if you keep talking like that.” He said through a breath, making you smirk. 

“Then do it already… Unless you can’t?” You were goading him. He knew that. But you knew he wouldn’t be able to resist it if you challenged him. And he didn’t. 

“That’s cute. Keep that up, see where it gets you.” He raised his brows, waiting for your next move. 

“By not doing it, you're proving what I said.”  You shrugged. You knew that telling him to do something would make him want to do the opposite. But you also knew that he wanted nothing more than to put his cock back in your mouth. And it was fun watching him get frustrated while deciding what to do. He scoffed a laugh and looked away from you for a second. When he turned back to you, his jaw was clenched and eyes darkened. 

“What happened to my good girl, huh? Where'd she go?” He all but pouted, making you falter. 

“She got impatient.” You decided to keep up the act. He clicked his tongue in disagreement. 

“I am gonna use your mouth to make myself come. And then we’re going to start your training again, since you seem to have forgotten everything.” He didn’t let you respond before roughly shoving his cock back in your mouth. You choked from the sudden thrust but somewhat recovered enough to handle the bucking of his hips. His pace was brutal and unrelenting as he held your head still against the wall to fuck you. He wasn’t deterred by the barrier of your throat, in fact, with each thrust he made sure to breach it. You could feel yourself beginning to gag, but tried to will it away, knowing that once you started it would be hard to stop. 

“I wonder how long it took for you to forget everything. Or maybe… you still remember it and you’re just taking advantage of my desperation.” His voice was breathy, but his pace never even wavered. “Is that it, princess? You think you can act like a brat and get away with it because of how much I need you?” He didn’t even bother letting you try to answer as he chased his orgasm. 

“You think that just because I missed you, I won’t punish you?” He scoffed, tightening his grip on your hair, making you whimper. “You have no idea how fucking wrong you are.” He hissed. “Because I missed that too. I missed the way you’d scream and cry and beg for my forgiveness.” Fuck- you missed that too. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll punish you soon enough.” 

His thrusts grew more frenzied as you sputtered and choked on his cock. When he moved a hand from your hair to plug your nose, your eyes widened in fear and arousal. You let out a startled sound and he shushed you. 

“You don’t need to breathe. All you need is my cock.” He cooed, then buried himself completely inside of you and froze. As your lungs started to burn and the tears in your eyes fell, you clawed at his thigh and his arm, trying to push him away, but he didn’t budge. He just hissed at the way your nails dug into his skin, making his cock twitch in your mouth. 

Even when the burn in your chest became almost unbearable and your eyes started to flutter shut, you still didn’t want to pinch him and make him actually stop. You trusted him to know your limits. 

You were proven correct when he suddenly pulled out and removed his hand from your nose, before your eyes could fully shut. You took in a huge breath, heaving and coughing at his feet, watching him stroke his cock as he waited. 

“What’s wrong? Can’t take it?” He cooed mockingly. Just like him, when you’re challenged, you become extra motivated to prove them wrong out of spite. You opened your mouth and waited, looking up at him through wet lashes with a glint in your eyes. Almost as if saying “screw you.” 

He let out a dark chuckle and slapped his cock against your cheek a few times, smearing your spit on you. Even though your whole face burned red from embarrassment, it still went straight to your cunt. When he seemed satisfied with your humiliating state, he continued. 

As he was fucking your face, his moans grew louder, signaling that he was close. And when you looked up at him while you gagged and cried, he just lost it. He mercilessly snapped his hips against your face until he pushed completely inside, basically holding your head still with his body rather than his hands now. The moans and whimpers he let out almost made you reach a hand down to your clit. You released a strangled sound when hot come hit the back of your throat, feeling his cock twitching inside of you as he tried to push in impossibly deeper. 

When he slowly dragged his length out of your mouth, you couldn’t help the way you coughed and panted to catch your breath. He helped you to your feet, holding you up on your now wobbly knees, and pressed his lips to yours. 

“Even better than I remember, baby. You’re so good to me. My good girl.” He gave you a small smile and all you could do in return was blush. But it didn’t seem like he expected a response. 

After helping rinse you off and thoroughly teasing you about the state of your cunt and the way your arousal was coating your thighs, he helped wash your hair and body. You did the same to him, having to stand on your toes while he bent his knees so you could reach his hair. He helped you dry off then you both went to his room to get dressed. As he dug through his dresser, he tossed you a clean shirt and you blushed as you put it on. When you went to pick up your underwear, he stopped you. You rolled your eyes but tossed them back on the ground and watched him get dressed in a shirt and some sweatpants. He led you out to the kitchen and sat you down at the counter while he rummaged through the fridge. 

“The Jason breakfast special?” He asked, making you smile as you recalled all the times he’d make you breakfast, even though Alfred always offered to do it for him. 

“Of course.” You replied coyly. Then, “Is it morning?” Has it really been that long? You don’t know how long you were asleep for. 

“Technically.”

“Technically?” 

“It’s like 4 am.” You internally groaned at how fucked up your sleep schedule probably is now. Resting your arms on the counter, you leaned your chin on them and watched him. You’ve had a dream like this before. It was one of those uncommon happy dreams that fooled you for a second after you woke up. You’d open your eyes, a smile on your face, and turn to his side of the bed, then immediately have it all ripped away from you. 

“What are you thinkin about?” He asked, starting to mix everything. 

“Just… having deja vu.” You said quietly, focusing on watching him rather than your own thoughts. 

“I remember the last time I made you these.” He said, breaking the silence again. “You complained to me the whole time about how Bruce wouldn’t let you get a cat.” He glanced at you with a smile and you laughed under your breath. 

“Do you remember what I did after that?” 

“Oh yeah. You “found one” and took it home, then tried to hide it. How you thought you could hide something from Batman was beyond me.” He chuckled, making your smile grow. 

“I did find him!” 

“Sure you did, baby.” To distract you, he handed you a few chocolate chips for you to snack on while you waited, like he used to all those years ago. 

Only a few minutes later, you both were sitting on the couch, plates in hands, ready to eat. When you took the first bite, you let out a near pornographic moan at the familiar taste. You refused to eat chocolate chip pancakes the entire time he was gone because you didn’t want another reminder of what was taken away from you. Even though it’s one of your favorite foods. 

“Oh my god.” You moaned with a mouthful of pancake. 

“You are so gross you know that? Close your mouth.” Even though he reprimanded you, a small smile ghosted his lips. 

“Never thought I’d hear that from you.” You snickered, still talking through a mouthful of food just to spite him. “God I missed these.” You groaned, swallowing, then taking another bite. 

“Alfred didn’t make them for you?” He asked, giving you his full attention while yours stayed partially on your food. 

“No. It’s not the same.” You weren’t sure if he knew you meant it wasn’t the same because it wasn’t him making it, or if he thought it was because they tasted different, but both were true. He didn’t say anything in response. Just hesitated before turning back to his food. 

You were so fucking excited to wake up next to him and have lazy mornings while he made you pancakes and cuddled as you ate them. But part of you deep down felt that you were becoming too attached again, too quick. Was he on the same page as you about wanting to basically pick up where you left off? Would he even be able to do that? You still live in the manor and you like living with your dad since you rarely get to see him because he’s so busy. 

“Jay?” You asked nervously, making him turn to face you again as he hummed in acknowlegement before swallowing his food. “Are you- I mean… Is this- fuck…” You wanted to ask if his intention was to stay with you because you were so fucking scared you’d lose him again. But you didn’t want to come on too strong. 

“Why do you have that look on your face?” He asked hesitantly. 

“What look?” 

“Like you’re about to give me bad news or something.” 

“What? No- That’s not,” You took in a deep breath, trying to just formulate one whole sentence. “I’m just… I’m scared.” 

“Scared?” 

“I don’t want to lose you again. I can’t. And if this,” you gestured between the two of you, “isn’t serious to you and you just missed me, I can’t- I… I can’t lose you again. I really don’t think I’d be able to do it again.” Even though you were mostly talking about him leaving you while still alive, a small part of you was still terrified he’d be taken from you in death again. 

“Hey,” He took your hand in his, making you turn to face him. “You’re not gonna lose me ever again, okay? I promise.”

“You can’t promise that, Jay.” He sighed and looked away from you, probably deciding what to say. 

“You’re right, I can’t. But I can promise you that the only thing that could take me from you again is death, and I have no intention of dying any time soon.” His words only soothed you a little bit. Then, “Honestly if I didn’t know that you don’t want to marry, I would propose.” You froze, breath caught in your throat, eyes wide. 

“You would?” You asked, still staring at him in shock. 

“I’m done wasting time. We don’t have enough of it to do that. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. And I kind of knew that before, but the last couple of years… They made me realize that I can’t live without you and I don’t want to live without you.” You were talking before he could finish. 

“I want to marry you.” You said through a breath. This time, his eyes widened in shock. 

“You do?” You nodded, a giddy smile forming on your lips. “But I thought you never wanted to marry.”

“That was before I met you. I still don’t know if I want a whole big thing, but I want to marry you.” 

“Are you fucking with me? Because I swear to god,” 

“I’m not. I want to marry you, Jason Todd.” You looked him dead in his eyes to convey how serious you were. 

“We’re getting married?” He asked, in shock. “Oh my god we’re getting married!”

“Hold your horses, cowboy. I may not want a big white wedding but you still gotta propose. And I’m talking flowers, a fancy dinner, the perfect scenery, everything.” You were teasing him, but the thought did fill your stomach with butterflies. 

“I am going to give you the greatest proposal in the history of proposals. It’s gonna be so good they’ll make a movie about it.” That made you snort a laugh. 

“You’re setting the bar really high, I hope you know that.” 

The rest of your meal was filled with lovesick smiles and happy thoughts. When you finished eating, he placed your legs over his lap and wrapped an arm around you as you snuggled into his chest. 

“Mrs. Todd.” He muttered, catching your attention. 

“What makes you think I’m taking your last name?” You asked, looking up at him with a teasing glint in your eyes. 

“Well I’m sure as hell not taking your last name.” Fair. “Plus Mrs. Wayne-Todd just sounds weird.” He’s not wrong about that. 

“Mrs. Todd.” You said under your breath, trying it out. “Feels weird. But good weird.” 

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” You nodded. “Plus I never liked having this last name. People treat me differently after they find out what it is.” 

“That tends to happen when your father is a billionaire. You poor thing- How did you ever manage to grow up like this?” He was mocking you, so you playfully slapped his chest. 

“Shut up. I’m being serious. I don’t even have friends except for Dick.” You swore you felt him stiffen at the mention of his brother. “And Alfred. But calling him my friend might be worse than saying I only have one.” You chuckled, making him let out a quiet laugh. 

“I’m sorry.” He said softly, kissing the top of your head. “Maybe being Mrs. Todd will get you some genuine friends.” He chuckled and even though the words themselves sounded like an insult, you knew he truly was hoping that would be the case.  

You fell into a comfortable silence and as you laid your head back on his chest, the steady beating of his heart was slowly lulling you to sleep. While part of you didn’t want to fall asleep again, a larger part realized that you’re not afraid to fall asleep anymore. Instead, the thought of falling asleep with your head on his chest brought a smile to your face and made it all the more inviting. So you let your eyes fall shut, listening to the slow beating of his heart, smelling him and not just on his clothes- on his body. Relishing in the fact that he’s really here. 

Chapter four

Tag list

@igotanidea @clairacassidy @phoenixgurl030 @halleest @emmerskiri @randomgurl2326 @darkmercury

[sunnyfucks]

most of the time sunoo is receiving, what if hes the one giving now???

a/n : down bad for dom sunoo so... thx bloei <3

“ BITCH, YOU LIKE IT! ” hard dom sunoo x fem reader. (ft enhypen hyung line!)

cw : SMUT with a little touch of angst hehe, them being tipsy, enemies to enemies lmao, lots of degrading stuff, slapping, pulling of hair, choking, jealousy, face fucking, a lot of cursing and f words. sunoo and reader both feeling frustrated towards each other. use of y/n.

“come on, jay! just one kiss!” everyone cheered as heeseung hypes the younger. “it wouldn’t hurt to place a kiss on sunghoon’s cheeks!” jake teased once more. jay faked a puke as he face his friend, sunghoon. “what the fuck bro, don’t you know how lucky you are right at this moment? girls and guys would kill to be on your position right now” sunghoon rolled his eyes playfully, boosting his own ego. “hurry up, jay! you’re taking so much time” someone on the side shouted. “okay okay! goddamn you all want to watch me kiss sunghoon that bad?! its even only on his cheeks!”

“damn, just do it” you said and you heard sunoo hissed. you side-eyed him and saw that he’s not looking at you but he has his jaw clenched. jay’s mouth hanged open, “even you y/n? god, i thought we’re like this” jay acted hurt and held his chest as he clink both his pinky fingers. “well, ofcourse we are but you’re taking so much time, jongseong” everyone laughed and cheered with your words. “y/n’s right. just kiss me so we can move forward!” sunghoon chuckles, obviously liking the fact that his friend is acting all shy. “aw, is the baby jjongsaeng pouting? what if i give you a kiss instead? aww come here baby~” sunghoon coo. jay made a face of disgust and held his mouth. “not the baby talk! its making everything much worst!”

bothered by everyone’s loud coos and teasing, jay clenched his fist and sighed. he stood up and went towards sunghoon. you on the other hand, watches as the scene infront of you unfold. sunghoon closed his eyes and pouted as if waiting for jay’s kiss to land on his lips, everyone laughed at this, but that’s just how sunghoon towards jay. he likes teasing him despite jay being older by months. “can i ask a question first?” jay suddenly said, gaining everyone’s attention. heeseung chuckles as he nods. “this is too much for me! so can i kiss y/n after i kiss sunghoon?”

your eyes widen as your ears were then bombered with everyone shouting and cheering. “all this time you’re into y/n? im so hurt!” sunghoon joked. you met jay’s eyes as he gives you a subtle smirk. “her lips just looks so tasty right now i can’t help myself” everyone gasped with how bold he’s being, you being one of them. “what do you say about that, y/n?” jake asked. you met jay’s eyes once again. “come on, y/n! make it quick!” said by someone on the room. you’ve always found jay attractive and hot, so ofcourse... “sure jay, hurry it up with sunghoon” you’d agree.

“what a bitch” sunoo muttered. everyone heard this and turned their heads towards the blond. “say it to my face, fucker” you muttered back. sunoo scoffed and clicked his tongue. “getting enough courage cause everyone’s here? you’re not only a bitch, but also an attention seeker. wow, you’re amazing” this time, its your turn to scoff. “being such a dick cause everyone’s here? wow, you’re really sick in the head. get it checked” jake being the intoxicated pretty boy that he is, laughed and placed his arm around sunoo’s shoulder. “yo yo yo, what the fuck suddenly happened between you too?”

heeseung patted jake’s shoulder as he shakes his head, giving him a signal to not interfere and leave you and sunoo alone. “why not get your pussy checked instead? you might be having a problem down there with how many guys you’ve fucked with” with this, your eyebrows furrowed and you can’t handle it anymore so you stood and faced sunoo who’s looking everywhere but you. “what did you just say? for your fucking information i don’t fucking fuck with strangers or with everyone. go get your dick checked instead cause that might be too damn small to even please your bitches” you’re fuming mad. he can’t be doing this here. you clenched your fist as everyone went into a 360 with how quiet they suddenly all went.

you don’t know when or where did it started. you don’t exactly know why the oh so pretty boy everyone adores feels so much rage whenever he’d see you. you don’t know what got into him. you don’t know why he thinks you’re a bitch, so what can you do about it? ofcourse.. hate him back. you feel sad about it.. cause despite him being this mean to you, you’ve seen how much he takes care of others. you’ve seen how warm of a sunlight he is towards everyone so why can’t he be to you too? its not like it would cost him a lot to stop being mean. “i hate you so much, sunoo” you mumble, ready to leave the room. “what the fuck did you just say?” sunoo stood up and held your arm. you turned to him and raised a brow. “get your fucking hands off of me” you said. sunoo scoffed again and bit his lower lip. “repeat what you said. i fucking dare you, y/n”

“fuck you and your small dick”

you don’t know what happened, but as soon as those words left your mouth, sunoo gathered all his strength as he gets and place you on his shoulder. “any vacant room?” he asks and heeseung, the owner of the house, nodded. “walk straight and you’d find one” the younger sighed and turned around, holding your legs tight. “what the fuck? you better put me down kim sunoo!” you slight-shouted as you wiggle your feet, slightly punching him on his back. “shut the fuck up, y/n. you better save up your strength. don’t think im letting you go that fast tonight.”

listen to this to add more feels !

you winced in pain the moment he threw you on the bed. it was soft, but the way he threw you hurted no matter how wiggly the mattress is. “go, fucking repeat what you said” he challenge. you faked a chuckle as your fingers brush your now messy hair back. “what? that i fucking hate you?” you fight back. he scoffed and brushed his locks. its amazing how good he looks right now, but you wouldn’t admit that to anyone. “you make me sick” you exhaled as you fake a laugh. “no sunoo, YOU make ME sick”

the gasp you let out when sunoo held your hair and pulled it is unbelievable, you almost moaned in pleasure. “come on, say it again” he challenge once again. he reek of alcohol and the pain of him pulling your hair is amazingly not subsiding. “what? cat got your tongue? you’re such a bitch earlier. what happened to that?”

you won’t admit it, but the way he’s basically manhadling you now is hot. its obvious he’s not on his right state of mind, but so are you and you’re afraid both of your frustrations would lead to something else. considering the fact that deep down, no matter how much you hate all his guts, there’s this sting cause you’re still hoping to befriend him. “you are fucking annoying, kim” you managed to say. sunoo shrugged as he lean forward near your ears. “really? then why do you fucking look like you’re enjoying this way too much?”

another gasp left your mouth when he aggressively wrapped his fingers around your neck. it wasn’t tight, but its enough to make you gasping for air. “its amazing how i can feel too much of my emotions just by looking at your face” he hissed at his own statement. he hates you. he hates how everytime you’d show up, he’d feel too much of his emotions. he hates how everyone caught your attention but not him. he hates how everytime you walk, your hair sways to the wind while everyone is in awe with its smell. he hates how you can be standing but still look the most stunning person he’s ever seen. he hates the fact that you’re not his. “you’re damn annoying” he says, contrary to whatever emotions he’s feeling.

sunoo never dated anyone. he doesn’t know what love is. he doesn’t know how falling inlove feels like. so whenever he sees you and he’s suddenly feeling too overwhelmed, he hates it. “i said it earlier and im going to say it again, fuck you sunoo” with this, you felt sunoo’s hand tighten around your neck. you wanted to cough, but the moment you opened your mouth and sunoo’s lips was suddenly attached to it, you were left dumbfounded.

the kiss was aggressive and sloppy. the tight grip sunoo has on your neck loosens as he slowly slid his fingers at the back of your head. he then guided you slowly down the bed and as he tops you, you felt his tongue asking permission to enter your mouth. when sunoo realized that you’re not letting him in, he aggressively pulled your shirt up as his hand finds it way to your boobs, pinching your bud hardly. your mouth hanged open and sunoo took it as an opportunity to let his tongue in you. “i fucking hate you, kim sunoo”

“likewise”

sunoo then held your thigh and suddenly turned you around. “ass up” he commands as his hands trail on your legs. “and fucking face down” he says as he climbs on top of the bed, aggressively pushing your head down the bed. “don’t try to act like you don’t like what im doing, y/n. we both know how wet you are right at this moment” you only sighed in response. he’s right. you’re wet and you’re fucking frustrated and annoyed by the fact.

you kept your head down while wondering what’s happening back there. you could only hear sunoo shuffling his things and his belt being unbuckled. after some time, you felt sunoo’s fingers teasingly dancing along the hem of your skirt. “pretty but annoying” he says, being pulling it in one down. he then placed his index finger on your clit, creating circles on it.

sunoo smirked as he felt the stickiness on your undergarment, you are indeed wet and he felt another sense of satisfaction with this. “see? bitch, you like it” you could only humm as you bury your face into the pillow you’ve started holding since you felt his finger on your entrance. “f- fuck you” sunoo chuckled, “fuck you as well, y/n.” he bites back, being pulling your underwear down, revealing your throbbing core. “look at you. you’re a fucking mess down here”

sunoo wasted no time. he’s feeling so annoyed to the point he really doesn’t care anymore whether you’d get hurt or not. all he wants is fuck you and let all his frustrations out. so he did what he had to. he slides his dick in, without prepping you or making you ready. you on the other hand, swore you’d make your lips bleed anytime soon. sunoo is thrusting his hips ruthlessly, like there’s no tomorrow.. and even if you’re indeed enjoying it, you can’t ignore the fact that what he’s doing hurts. not that you mind...

moans of both pleasure and pain enveloped the vacant room sunoo brought you in. you can hear how much the bed is squeaking and honestly, you don’t care anymore whether someone would hear the noises or not. sunoo is fucking you rough and that’s all you can think about. “you’re making me so fucking frustrated” he said between moans, and suprisingly, his hands finds itself to your hair again, pulling it more roughly than earlier.

it added a lot of pleasure, and this resulted to you moaning more loud and beautiful. it ringed through sunoo’s ear, and he hoped he could make you sing his name forever. it captivated him and he’s not in anyway regretful of how things turned to now. “you could say whatever you want a-and i’d say the same thing. only seeing y-your face makes my blood boil” sunoo laughed at what you said, he can’t believe how you’re still saying how much you hates him while moaning his name like there���s no tomorrow awaiting you. “fucking unbelievable”

sunoo stopped thrusting his hips, and so you thought he’d be done by now, but no, not when he suddenly turned you around to face him. not when he suddenly climbed on top of you. not when he suddenly slapped your face and continued fucking you roughly as his hand snakes on your neck. “how much do you hate me? i want you to say it while looking directly on my eyes” he challenge. you wish you could slap him. he smirked, making his fox-like eyes look half-lidded and droppy. “go say it, y/n. what happened to you saying it infront of the boys? come on, say it. i want to hear you saying it while im here fucking you” the smirk on his face irritates you so bad. but you can’t help but melt on his touch. “i- i hate you so much, s-sunoo”

he smirks, “really? fucking liar” he says, before bucking his hips aggressively. you then felt tears prickling the side of your eyes. sunoo continued to moan above you, watching every lewd expressions you’re giving. he wants to tell you a lot of things. he wants to say how much you’re enticing him, how much you’re looking all so pretty beneath him, how much your moans sends him to all the right places, he wants to say it all but he can’t and he wouldn’t.

sunoo then exhaled as he felt your hold tightening on his arm, you’re clenching around him so bad its making it harder for him to move fast, but he felt his own high coming and this made him grip your neck tighter than ever. “open your mouth, hurry”

you were dumbfounded once again, he’s moving so fast, rough, and quick. one thing he’s on your entrance fucking the hell out of it but now he has his dick all stuffed in your mouth. sunoo knows he wasn’t able to give you proper time to catch air before he did all this, but he can’t handle things any longer. so he cupped your face and aggressively bucked his hips forward.

you could only hold the sheets tight. you’re running out of breath and your chest hurts. you know you’re intoxicated but the deed is making you feel more dizzy. “fuck, im so close” you hear him moaning. you then decided to watch sunoo’s expressions. he was a moaning mess, his cheeks are redened, and his hair is all sticky against his forehead. “swallow everything and don’t leave any” he commands for the last time, before letting all his seeds out.

after making sure that there’s no more of his seeds left, sunoo plopped down the bed beside you, both of you catching for your breaths. neither of you started a talk. neither of you wants to talk about what happened. and so, you watched as sunoo stands up while getting his things. he then wore his fit one by one and when he’s all done, he brushed his hair before looking at you.

it wasn’t the gaze he usually has everytime he’d call you a bitch. it wasn’t the gaze he always have everytime you’d walk pass by. it was sad, it was down, it was broken. you waited for him to talk, and god knows how much you wished you didn’t.

“i hate you, y/n. always will.” he says and he turned back. his walk towards the door is heavy. cause he knows damn well he don’t. but what can he do? he knows how much you overwhelm and affect him and he wouldn’t like to be one day broke by that. he would never wish. he would never have the courage to be broken by someone like you. thus for him, its better this way.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー。

i just realized there’s not much of sunoo “giving” in here. i was so swayed, im sorry loooool. </3 hope you guys would like this still tho.

© sunny fucks, 2022. not proofread.

[heesbabygurl]

Second Chance

Part 1

Pairing: Jay x fem! reader

Genre: angst, fluff.

Warnings: second chance, exes to lovers, alcohol/drinking, cursing, jealous jay, 7 minutes in heaven (nothing really happens) I think thats all.

Synopsis: you never thought you would never meet jay, after your kinda dramatic break up.

I DON'T SHIP ANY OF THE MENTIONED IDOLS TOGETHER!!!

A/N: hope you enjoy!!

"Dang, you look hot," shuhua whistled, as I walked out of the bathroom, "you know, if I didn't have a boyfriend I would literally wife you up."

"Break up with him then?" I smirked lazily as I sat down on the couch opposite her.

"Okay." We stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting out into laughter.

"Sometimes I really think you two are gays." Minnie said, sitting down next to me.

"Who said I'm not?" She looked at me like I had grown two heads.

"Ooh, then we can all be girlfriends!!" Chaewon giggled out, Minnie just shook her head and stood up.

"God, y'all really are gays aren't y'all?" Chaewon just hummed in response and also got up, "let's go It's already nine forty-five we have to be there at ten."

Shuhua nodded, also standing up, "let's go girlfriend?" She winked at me while also smirking.

"Let's go girlfriend!" Minnie just groaned out and walked out of the door, while me and Shuhua giggled.

When you arrived at the party It was already 10:20, so lots of people were there, the house was packed you could barely get through people to get to the kitchen.

"Hello, babe!" Yeonjun's cheerful voice rung through  the crowd of people.

"Hey, baby!" Shuhua smiled brightly walking up to her boyfriend and giving him a long kiss on the lips.

"Ewww, get a room!" You shouted out, making them break up the kiss.

"Why? you jealous?" Shuhua smirked.

"Very much." You giggled.

Minnie gave me a stinky side eye and continued her conversation with Chaewon.

"Hey, guys!" Yeonjun turned towards you, "so how do you like the party so far?" He said leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Great so far," Chaewon said, me and Minnie nodding along.

"Good to hear," he smiled, "oh, I want to introduce you guys to someone, this is my friend beomgyu!"

A guy walked out of the swarm of people, and you can't lie, he was hot.

"Hi, I'm beomgyu!" He smiled brightly holding his hand out for y'all to shake.

"Y/N, nice to meet you."

"She's single!" Minnie suddenly chimed in, making your ears go red.

"Gosh Minnie! Why would he even need to know that?!" You yelled out trying to keep yourself composed.

"No, it's actually good to hear that," you went still for a second "I wondered, do you want to go dance?"

"Yes! Yes she does!" Shuhua answered before I could.

"Yes, I guess."

"Good then." Beomgyu took my hand and walked me to the "dance floor".

You were having a blast, dancing your heart out. Not minding a second that beomgyu's hand has wandered down a long time ago, and it was now resting on your ass.

You completely forgot about everything, about your friends, about colliding with sweaty bodies, about jay.

That was until beomgyu got tired and said you two should go get drinks, you agreed almost immediately, worn out from all the dancing.

You were almost in the kitchen when you heard a really, really familiar laughter. As you got closer laughter got louder and there you saw him sitting at the counter, smiling brightly along with some of his friends.

Once you were finally there everyone's attention was on you, you looked around, your friends nervously chuckling.

Not because he was there, but because, he was there with an arm around a girl.

He looked at you, his expression changing, his arm almost immediately dropping from girls waist.

You tried to compose yourself, smiling brightly as you walked even closer.

"Umm, hey," jay said awkwardly, you nodding in response.

"Long time no see," he tried to lighten up the mood, but only making it worse by what he said next, "this is Bailey, um, my girlfriend."

"Hey! Nice to meet you!" The said Bailey held out a hand for you to shake, But you were too lost in the thoughts to say anything, a girlfriend? Really? This quickly?

Guess it really was a bet then.

"Umm.." bailey coughed out awkwardly, still waiting for you to shake her hand.

"O-oh, I'm sorry, I just got lost in the thoughts, nice to meet you too, I'm y/n."

You really tried to sound okay, but one look at your best friends told you enough.

You didn't look okay.

"So, umh, how have you been?" Jay tried to start a conversation, but when he got no response from you, and only a deathly glare, he stopped talking.

"Are you done?" You turned to beomgyu, "let's go dance."

"Aren't you tired?" Beomgyu chuckled.

"No, in fact, I'm boosting with energy! Let's go!" You cheered out.

"Okay, okay." He laughed softly, following after you in the crowd.

Right after you and beomgyu left, tension in the air seemed to lessen.

"What happened just now?" Bailey was looking around for answer, but no one dared to say anything, until jay finally sighed out.

"She was my ex girlfriend," Bailey's jaw fell to the floor.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She sternly turned to him.

"Why would I?" Jay scoffed, "she's my ex, nothing important.”

"Nothing important? I swear-" Shuhua stood up, ready to stomp over to him.

"Hey, calm down!" Chaewon held her back.

"Let go! I'm gonna show him how important my best friend is!" She struggled to get out of the grip Minnie and Chaewon had on her.

"It's not worth it," Minnie muttered, looking jay deadly in the eyes, "you can't fix a player," She made sure he would hear her last words, before the trio left.

"A player? Really? she broke up with me, She betted on me." Jay called out to no one in particular.

"Well, I'm not trying to be that friend but, didn't you also bet on her?" Jake called out from behind the counter.

"Whose idea was it?!" He bit back.

"Not mine!" Jake yelled out.

Jay stood up, his girlfriend long forgotten.

"Where are you going?" Bailey asked, annoyed with his boyfriend's current actions.

"To the bathroom," he didn't look back at her once, "have fun, I'll be back in a few."

She just nodded and got lost in the crowd.

Jay wished he didn't come to the bathroom, he wished he was blind, he wished, what he just, saw was a bad dream.

His blood boiled, He couldn't stand watching you with another man.

Not when you were in someone else's arms, not when your beautiful lips were touching lips that weren't his.

Not when you were making out with fucking choi beomgyu.

He took a step forward, already planning ways to kill beomgyu, when suddenly the reality hit him like a ton of bricks.

You weren't his anymore, you didn't love him anymore, not that you did before. It hurt him, but he couldn't do anything other then just stepping back, and leaving you in another man's arms.

When you walked in the living room with beomgyu's  arm around your waist, your friends gave you a look that said "we'll talk later," but you just shrugged and sat down on the couch, more like beomgyu's lap.

"So, what happened why did you called us here?" Beomgyu asked, his hand now resting on your thigh.

"Well, we're sorry If we interrupted something," Chaewon gave you a teasing look which you just answered with a groan, beomgyu just chuckling, "but, we wanted to play seven minutes in heaven!!" She squealed out of joy.

"Ugh, come on, can't we play something else?" You groaned, gripping beomgyu's hand when you felt a strong gaze on you, trying hard not to look that way.

"Why? Are you scared of staying in a dark closet with someone for 7 minutes?" Minnie challenged.

"Of course not!"

"Then play."

"Fine!" She smirked.

"They're not playing?" Beomgyu pointed at shuhua and Yeonjun who were silently giggling in the corner about something.

"Nope."

"Okay, then since everyone is here shall we start?”

“Yes!! Let's go!”

“So who’s first?” everyone looked around, waiting for each other to raise their hand.

“fine, I'll be first.” Chaewon said out of frustration.

She took the empty beer bottle, setting it down on the floor and spinning. It took the bottle few seconds to stop on sunghoon, jay's friend.

Everyone cheered as Sunghoon stared at Chaewon, slowly getting up and holding out a hand for Chaewon to take.

Chaewon also quickly stood up, taking his hand walking to the closet.

“We're starting the timer,” Taehyun called out, “remember, It's only seven minutes, so hurry up!”

Everyone laughed as you stared at closet door, waiting for your best friend.

After seven minutes, you waited for them to step out after calling out their names few times.

“Hey! Get the fuck out you weirdos!” Soobin finally having enough stood up stomping towards the closet door, he was about to start banging on it, when the door opened, stepping out you saw your best friends red ears and a dizzy smile.

“Gosh, we're out!” Sunghoon yelled back, squeezing Chaewon’s hand and returning to his seat.

You quickly sent a wink toward Chaewon, which made her even more flustered, as she also made her way to her seat.

After a few rounds you were all sitting on the floor legs crossed, and anticipating after every spin of the bottle who would it land on.

It was now bailey's, jay's girlfriend's turn, she spined the bottle and it landed on kai, Yeonjun’s buddy.

Jay didn't even had a reaction, at how fast his girlfriend stood up to walk to the closet, as If she was waiting for this moment since forever.

After few seconds kai also followed and they shut the door, and not even two minutes later you could hear moaning coming from the closet.

“Jay, bro, aren't you gonna do anything? Your girl is literally making out with someone behind that door.” At heeseung’s words jay just shrugged, and set his gaze on something else or rather someone else.

You could feel how his gaze was burning holes on the right side of your head, as you were having conversation with beomgyu.

You tried not to look, you tried so much, but It felt like your body was putting a war against your brain, and you took a quick glance at Jay, but that quick glance seemed to last a little too long.

His eyes were dark, It felt like he was staring into your soul, not blinking once, like he was in a trance.

That was until his eyes trailed a little downward and fell upon your lips, your lips, he missed so much.

You unintentionally bit your lip, making his eyes darken even more, and now It was your turn to stare at his lips.

You noticed sudden tension in the air, as you both refused to look away from each other.

Others might’ve noticed it too, because they were staring at you two like there was a visible line connecting your eyes together.

Suddenly Beomgyu coughed next to you, making you two break eye contact you tried to maintain so bad.

Jay just smirked, looking at the closet door waiting for his soon-to-be ex girlfriend to step out of it.

And like she read his mind, she stepped out of the closet, surprisingly neat looking, compared to the sounds you heard.

She went to her seat, smiling at jay like she didn't just cheat on him, in front of him and his whole friend group.

“Well, who's next?” Yeonjun tried to change the topic, which seemed to work really well.

“Me, I'll spin It.” Everyone’s eyes turned to jay, as he took the bottle, ignoring his “girlfriend’s" protests.

Before spinning it he looked up, making another subtle eye contact with you before finally spinning it.

You partly hoped It would land on you, why? You don't even know.

It felt like ages, as the bottle spined, spined, until It finally stopped on,

You.

Suddenly everything seemed to stop, you could hear few gasps which were probably coming from your friends.

Jay smirked, but only you seemed to notice.

He stood up, looking down at you as you stared up at him, and he walked towards the closet without single hesitation shown in his actions.

To everyone's surprise you also stood up, turning towards your friends, whose jaws were already on the floor, not expecting from you to agree with this.

“I'll just get it over with.” You simply said , slowly walking towards the door, stopping in front of it, should I really do it? Should I really go in? These thoughts were running through your mind, but you still gave in.

You opened the door stepping in, “7 minute is starting!” you could hear Jakes voice calling out to no one in particular.

Silence. Awkward.

These were the two words you would use to describe the current situation, with you and jay standing at the either end of the closet room.

You thought this seven minutes would go in silence, which you would appreciate, but to your luck, jay ruined it.

“How have you been?” he mumbled out, staring down at the ground, It seemed that his demeanour took a 360° turn, when he was left alone in a tight space. It took you a few seconds, to answer.

“Fine, how about you?” you, never In a million years, would thought you would need to fake a smile around jay, but here you are now, showing him a smile so fake It almost looks sickening.

"Not good,” he sighed out.

“W-why?” you tried to keep the conversation going.

“How could I be good, or even happy, when the love of my life left me?” he finally looked up, making yet another eye contact with you, but now not with a darkened gaze, rather... sad?

“D-do you mean-"

You were as confused as ever, how could he say It with so much pretended sincerity that It almost looked so real? How could he call you the love of his life when you were nothing but a bet?

“Yes, I meant you. Who else?” he chuckled lowly.

“How, how, can you call me the love of your life, when our whole relationship was just a bet for you?” You took a step forward raging, but still keeping your voice low.

“What?” Jay also stepped forward.

“Our whole relationship was just a bet for you, so don't you dare call me the love of you life!” You raged out, raising your voice a bit.

“What do you-" He stopped mid-sentence, a wave of realization hitting him.

“Yes, Park fucking jongseong I knew about the fucking bet!” You took another step forward.

“What? How?” He too, took a step forward, “and even if you did, It doesn't matter, I was a fucking bet for you too!”

“Oh.my.fucking.god!” You yelled out not even worrying about others hearing you, “you don't fucking get it do you?”

“Get what?” Jay also raised his voice, “that you're also at fault here, and you're only blaming me? For something we both did?!”

“I didn't fucking bet on you!” You finally lost it, “ I didn't fucking bet on you, you stupid son of a bitch!”

“Oh, so I'm making It up?” Jay getting even angrier at the insult, stepped even closer, backing you up against the corner, “weren't you the one who invited me to that fucking restaurant, on that fucking day, to fucking dump me in front of your friends and make fun of me? Huh? Am I making that up too?”

“That was a Fucking set up!” you finally screamed out.

“Oh, please save those excuses for later!” Jay laughed almost mockingly at you.

“That day, when you asked me to come to the locker room, I heard you,” he suddenly stopped, staring at you, “I heard you and Jake talking, I heard how you said our one year relationship was just a bet, And I got angry okay? I didn't knew wether to confront you or just don't say anything at all, and then I got the Idea to pull a reverse card on you, and to make you think I was also betting on your feelings, but I really wasn't.”

Jay was stunned, he couldn't say anything, although he wanted to. He just stared into your eyes, looking for any insincerity, but he couldn't see any.

That's when he realized how much he fucked up, how much he fucked up for not running after you that day at the restaurant, for not stopping you and for not demanding an explanation from you, and for not giving you one either.

“I wish you confronted me so I could tell you how much you misunderstood me,” He smiled sadly, “You're right, At first It started out as a bet, but then a few weeks into the bet, and I-I had already fallen for you, I mean how could I not?” He looked at you trying to show you how sincere he was.

“I wish you confronted me.”

“What?” you looked at him surprised.

“I fell in love with everything about you, starting from your amazing heart to your laugh, your personality, your beauty. There was nothing in you to not fall in love with, I even thought about stopping the bet, but you know, my stupid ass just didn't wanted to be called a quitter, so I just got along with it,” he chuckled sadly, “I'm so sorry, If I made you felt like I never loved you, because I really did, and I still do.”

“Jay, I don't know what to say, I thought-" he stopped you.

“Please don't say anything, I don't wanna hear a no from you, I can't take it.” He looked down at the ground and few seconds later you heard sniffling.

“Oh my gosh, Jay are you crying?” You took his face in your hands, loving the way he leaned further into the touch.

“I'm so sorry, but I can't stay away from you for too long again.” Your heart broke into million pieces as you stared at his watery eyes.

“Oh, baby, you don't need to stay away from me. Come here.” He quickly wrapped his arms around your waist, putting his face in the crook of your neck, as he sighed out a sigh of relief, as if a heavy weight was lifted off of his shoulders.

“You really mean that? You're not going anywhere?”

“Yes, I really mean that, I'm not going anywhere.” You chuckled as your grip around his neck tightened.

He suddenly straightened up, taking your face in his hands and gently kissing you on the lips.

“I missed you, I missed this.” He said between the kisses you two shared.

“I missed you too.” Finally during these few months, your smile was genuine for the first time, and It was as bright as the sunlight, if not brighter.

When you opened the closet door, you didn't expect to hear a few yelps as your friends fell on their butt on the floor.

“You guys were seriously eavesdropping?” Jay chuckled out, holding a protective grip over me when he noticed beomgyu walking towards us.

“Don't worry, I won't steal your girl.”

“You better not.”

Everyone busted out laughing at his protectiveness.

“So, you guys made up?” Jake asked looking at our intertwined hands.

“Yes, of course.” You answered calmly.

“Ugh, Thank fuck, I couldn't stand another night of Jay crying himself to sleep.” Jake whined out as everyone irrupted in fit of giggles.

“You cried yourself to sleep?”

Tag: @capri-cuntz

[jasntodds]

Caving In [Book 1 End]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 15,158

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon violence, blood, mentions of injuries (bruising, being shot with a tranquilizer), canon character death, fluff, mentions of torture, mentions of being brainwashed

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: Uh, hi!! It’s the last chapter of book 1 and I just wanna say a very big thank you to all of you who’ve been reading 😭 Your comments have literally kept me posting and have meant so much to me!! I really hope you guys like this chapter!! I will have chapter 1 of book 2 up in 2 weeks and then weekly after that!! lol There’s a longer author’s note at the end about this book and book 2!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary​ and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

The women and you go back to the tower. Donna and Dawn explain what the man told them. They’re planning something, that’s more of the information they got from the guy they “spoke” to. So, the only option, at the moment is to wait and try to come up with a plan to storm CADMUS before they can execute their plan. But, you’ll still need more help because Donna, Dawn, and you don’t have nearly enough power or resources to get you all in and out of CADMUS alive, so you’re all back to waiting.

You spend a lot of the time in the training room throwing knives as you wait. Waiting has to be the worst part of this whole thing. The longer you wait, the more Gar is in danger. Donna and Dawn tried to reassure you that if CADMUS is planning something, that means Gar is at least alive. Sure, that’s good, of course it is but what are they doing to him while he’s alive? As someone who’s been tortured twice, you know that it’s a hell of a lot easier wanting to be dead than tortured. Gar is strong but it’s not fair. It shouldn’t have been him.

After a few hours, you take a break and head to the kitchen, hoping for an update from Donna and Dawn, but as you walk in, the elevator doors open revealing Jason. A rush of relief floods you as a warm smile splits your face with the sight of him. You waste no time in walking up to him just as he exits the elevator. Jason can’t help the smile that comes to his face as he sees you. He can’t even believe how much he’s missed you. It’s been a week. But, you wrap your arms around his neck and he feels warm again. The hollow feeling in his chest starts to fill with adoration as he wraps his arms around your waist. Jason Todd is not much of a hugger but he’d take a hug from you any day.

“Miss me?” Jason quips as you pull away, his eyes landing on the bruise on your cheek. It looks a lot worse in person.

“Eh, a little.” You shrug one of your shoulders, looking to the ground and back to him. “Thank you for coming, Jay.”

“Yeah,” Jason’s eyes look up and back to you. “You’d do the same for me, so would Gar.”

“You came.” Donna states as she comes around the hall, Dawn on her right.

“I’m here for Gar.” Jason’s tone switches and he’s, rightfully, still a little bitter about what happened.

“Thank you for coming, Jason.” Dawn offers him a kind smile and Jason just nods, looking back to you.

“Well, I’m gonna go fill him in.” You give the women a gentle smile. "Unless...there's an update?"

"No," Dawn shakes her head sadly. "You can fill him in."

You let out a sigh, nodding your head and chewing the inside of your cheek. You grab Jason's hand and tug him along with you, passing past the women, and head to the training room. Jason catches you still limping slightly and he figured the fight with CADMUS was bad but you clearly got hurt. He kind of gets why you were so insistent that night with Deathstroke. It’s different seeing each other injured at the hands of someone, now that you know each other.

You take a seat on the floor and Jason follows your lead, just as you both did that night just a few months before. You extend your legs in front of you while Jason extends his left leg, his right leg bent up and his foot planted on the floor. Both of your hands rest on the floor behind you.

It feels a little weird being back. The tower is feels empty, sure, but it’s kind of like it’s haunted. A cruel reminder of everything Jason isn’t, of everything he could have been but failed at being. It’s not reassuring or comforting or welcoming, but he looks at you, and he’s glad he came, if only for a night or two.

“Spill your guts.” Jason grins at you because of course, he remembers what he told you that night.

“Ha-ha, you’re hilarious.” Your eyes widen before your sad smile drops. “Well, CADMUS attacked and we did not stand a chance.” You let out a dry laugh. “Like, they just kept coming in. Gar transformed and uh, we were in the kitchen so I started grabbing knives, got a few of them.”

“Good.” Jason scoffs.

“Yeah, but uh, they shot me with a tranquilizer?” You roll your eyes. “I don’t really remember much. Just, Gar in front of me and not a tiger anymore. I woke up and they were gone. I called you, then Dick, then Kory. Then everyone else, but Donna was the only one that called back. She showed up a few hours later. Then she got a call from Rachel saying she was in danger or something so we went to this diner? Bruce showed up?”

“Why the fuck was Bruce there?”

“I have no fucking idea? He set it up, I guess? I have no idea. So, uh, Dick got himself arrested.”

Jason lets out a booming laugh. “No shit? Goody fucking toe-shoes Dicky Grayson got arrested?”

“Yep! So, Rachel wanted to rescue Dick first and I wanted to rescue Gar first.”

“Why the fuck would you rescue Dick? He put himself there.”

“That’s what me and Donna said!” You yell dramatically. “So, we argued about it and she made me really mad so I punched her in the face.”

Jason has a smile of disbelief crossing his lips. He would never hit Rachel outside of sparring, especially after she almost killed him but he’s surprised you did. He knows she must have really gotten under your skin if you’re the one throwing punches first. And, he is very curious what exactly Rachel could have said that finally got you to snap especially since you said you aren’t normally the one to throw punches.

“Over Gar and Dick?” Jason questions with the nod of his head.

“Well, I--no, like there was more to it. I don’t know. She was throwing shit in my face and I said she was a wounded puppy.” You start explaining, Jason unable to control his laughter. He knows it’s true but he would have killed to have seen the look on Rachel’s face. “So, she said that I was because I was mad about the stuff that happened with you and this was after she tried to tell me what I was going to do, save Dick and not Gar.” You roll your eyes as Jason’s laughter subsides and it clicks.

The last straw for you was a comment about him? He knows he means something to you because you’ve said it a thousand times and you make it so obvious, even Jason can’t miss it. But, he didn’t think you’d still be fighting over him when he’s not around. It means more to him than he’ll ever say.

“You punched her because she called you a wounded puppy?” Jason raises his brows.

“Well….” Your eyes look to the side and then up, as if to be in thought before you land back on Jason who has one of his devious smirks. “Yeah, I guess. Like, she was so…” You scrunch your nose as you shake your head. “She also implied I was self-absorbed.” Jason’s face scrunches and he swears you’re one of the least self-absorbed people he’s ever met. Has Rachel not met the rest of the Titans? “And then!” You say dramatically. “She kept going after I punched her. She said that Gar deserves better and that you left me and for 'Deathstroke’s daughter'." You mock the way Rachel said. “It was so fucking stupid.”

“That’s fucking shitty. Who the fuck does she think she is? She chose Dick over Gar but he deserves better than you? There’s no one better than you.” The comment leaves Jason’s lips so quickly he barely even catches he said it. You eye him carefully but choose to brush over the comment. It’s not right to dig into that right now.

“I mean, she has a point and I told her that.” You let out a laugh. “It’s true, I’m not delusional enough to think otherwise but, that’s not the point. It’s not her fucking business.” You shake your head. “And you left for your own reasons and it was shitty to say like you weren’t even there.” Your brows raise as your eyes go wide. “So, her and Kory went to break Dick out of prison, I guess and we came here to come up with a plan to save Gar, Conner, and Krypto. That’s what ya missed.”

“Shit, fuck Rachel. She's not even worth it.” Jason lets out a huff. He really did miss a lot. “You guys think of a plan?”

You shake your head. “Donna and Dawn have the blueprints to CADMUS but they haven’t figured out how we’re going to break in and then out without getting ourselves killed.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they have security up the ass.” Jason sighs. “Could Trojan Horse it.”

You let out a laugh. “Yeah? And how do you suggest we pull that off?”

“I have no fucking idea.” Jason laughs with you. “It’s better than nothing.” Jason leans forward slightly, extending his arm dramatically.

“Right, but we don’t wanna die tonight.” You shake your head. “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out though.” You suck in a breath.

You furrow your brows with the shake of your head and talking about Gar, the lack of plan, it’s making things a little too heavy. There’s the guilt of it all and the trauma still haunting the back of your head because of Jerry and Deathstroke. You feel like Gar might be going through worse right now and it’s a little much. You’ve had nothing to do for two days now besides think about it. You’re tired of thinking. And you’re tired of the guilt wrapping itself around your bones like barbed wire. A distraction would be nice right about now.

“Can we…talk about something else? Just been thinking about what they could be doing to Gar and it’s just…” You look at Jason and you don’t have to say it. He knows.

Jason’s worried about you. When Dick brought Rose back, you had a nightmare, that’s why you ended up in Gar’s room. You were weird, you said it was too much that brought everything back that you had went through. It made it all real again. Gar just got kidnapped and you’re worried he’s being tortured. Jason can only imagine the hell you’re putting yourself through because of it and the hell your own mind is putting you through bringing all of that shit back up again. So, he’s worried you’ll be the next one on the ledge.

“How’re you and Gar? Well, before this shit happened.” Jason asks, picking a topic he thinks might cheer you up. Maybe you’ll have a story, something fun that happened.

“Um…” You look down and back to him, shrugging a shoulder. That’s not what you want to talk about either but you’ll go along with it for now. “Like, we’re…friends.” You nod at him and Jason’s brows furrow.

He thought for sure one of you would say something to each other, especially with you being alone here. He expected Gar to say something, not necessarily you. But that does explain, kind of, the lucky comment from earlier.

“Did you pussy out of--”

“Shut up.” You groan. “No,” You shake your head, eyes narrowing at him. “I…I don’t know.” You chew the inside of your cheek and you don’t know how to explain you and Gar aren’t a thing because you chose Jason. That it’s him and it always has been. Jason just had this thing blow up with Rose and Gar is in trouble. Having some discussion about that, does not seem very fair. And Jason is watching you with a brow knitted inward, knowing something is going on. It can’t be that complicated of an answer. So, you pick a different direction that isn’t a lie, really. “I don’t think we’d work and I’m not gonna do that to him or me.”

“Why not?” Jason asks. “That you wouldn’t work?”

He’s confused. The two of you were fine, seemed like you might go for something when he left and now, nothing. It seems a little weird to him and he thinks you would work. Why wouldn’t you? And he hates that a part of him might even be relieved by it. It might be a little selfish, but it’s true.

“Gar is ya know, Gar. It’s like…nothing can ever keep him down. He’s always happy and kind and fun. Always and I am not those things, which is fine. It’s not me. But, because of that, even as friends, sometimes I feel a bit like a burden to him.”

It’s not a lie because it’s true. You know Gar isn’t making you feel like a burden, but you feel that way anyway. You’re really different and that’s fine and great, it’s one of the reasons you work as friends. He mellows you out. But, it is one of the reasons you know you like Jason more. On top of your feelings for Jason, it wouldn’t be fair to try and see where it goes with Gar if you’ll always feel like a burden to him. It’s not fair to either of you.

Jason shakes his head. “You’re not a burden.” His words are slow and he still has a look of confusion.

He still has no idea why that change happened in the last week and not...any other time before that. The only thing that happened in that time, aside from the attack, was the stuff with him and the other Titans. And maybe he’s actively convincing himself that is just a coincidence. 

“Yeah, but it feels that way because it feels like he’s sorted through all of his trauma and then I still have this shit I didn’t deal with. And I can’t…do that with him because he talks and that’s great, right? It works for him and it helps me but….I also sometimes can’t talk about it. You get it and I know you do. I’m reckless and despite what we learned from Deathstroke, I gotta feeling that’s not always gonna stop me from doing something insane later. It’s…I feel like he wants to fix me but not that it’s anything that he’s doing or saying or anything like that. It’s a me problem, not a Gar problem, like, maybe he thinks sorting out my shit will make me better in a way that I’m not meant to be. It happened and I think I’m permanently fucked up from it. I know he is not trying to fix me but I feel that way anyway. I don’t know, feel a bit like damaged goods.”

Jason gets it. His entire life he’s felt like damaged goods but he’s looking at you with a deep bruise you’re only wearing because you’d go to war for people you care about. That’s not someone who’s just damaged goods. And Jason swears he’ll do everything in his power to make sure you know that.

“You’re not damaged goods.” Jason states and he doesn’t have his signature smirk. “Going through that shit doesn’t make you damaged or some shit. You’re still you.”

“Mmm.” You hum and you gain this sad smile, dodging his eyes. “Yeah, but, uh, it-it, uh it feels like it anyway.”

“Not to me.” Jason shrugs and he said it on purpose. It doesn’t matter to him what you go through or that you’ll always be reckless, always looking for the next thrill because he’ll always do the same. You’re not damaged goods, not to him.

Your face softens and your stomach flips. That’s why it’s always been him. You don’t feel damaged with him. “That’s awfully nice of you, Jay.”

Jason gives you a cheeky grin. “I can be nice.”

You let out a laugh and you swear everything is a little bit better with him around. “Yeah, you can be.” You offer him a thankful smile. “Thanks for coming.”

“You and me.” Jason repeats what you normally say to him and you swear your heart is about to burst into flames.

“You and me.” You let out a sigh, looking down and then back to him. It’s enough about you. “Seriously, you okay about Rose? I know you really liked her.”

Jason knows Rose is going to be a sore spot for a little while. He just feels so betrayed. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve it or why she wouldn’t have just told him. Had she just told him, maybe he wouldn’t have been nearly as mad or upset about it. So, it sucks but he knows he’ll be fine. He has been with every other person that’s betrayed him and mistreated him. He’s used to it.

Jason nods. “Yeah, I’ll be alright. Just fucking sucks. Got me feeling a bit like damaged goods.” Jason lets out a laugh, an almost teasing grin tugging at his lips before it falls. “Ya know, like, I tried really hard with her. Taking her out, showing her that school I told you about, acts of service type shit.” Jason’s eyes widen. “And she treated me like shit, pushing me away, lying to me, using me. Sleeping with me and knowing she was fucking lying the whole damn time.” Jason grits his teeth getting angry about it all over again. “Nothing I did was fucking good enough even when I tried.”

You were hoping you were wrong about Rose. Truly, you didn’t even dislike her until the day they left. It was a bad day for everyone but you were right and you wish so badly you weren’t. Jason doesn’t deserve any of that. He’s already gone through too much shit, especially over the last two weeks.

“You don’t deserve it. You put in a lot of effort, you trusted her. That shit, that’s on her. She gets to live with what she did to you. She doesn’t deserve you. She gets to live with the fact she’s the one that fucked it all up, not you. You deserve so much fucking better, Jay. It was enough, she just fucking sucks.” You let out a scoff before looking back to him. “And you’re not damaged goods.” You give him a kind smile. “Not to me.” Jason could never be damaged goods to you.

Jason chuckles softly, his cheeks starting to tint a faint shade of pink, his heart throbbing into his vocal cords. “Thanks.” Jason smiles softly at you and it should have been you he left with. “You’re good at that.”

Your brows furrow. “Good at what?”

“Knowing what to say.”

Your cheeks start to burn. “Just being honest with you.” You rub your eye, wincing from the pain.

Jason scoots closer to you, you keep your hands firmly on the ground, watching him with suspicion. Jason reaches forward, turning your head as he holds your chin to get a look at the bruise and your skin is on fire, tingling under his touch. Your heart is in your throat and your breath is caught right at the base of your throat. This is new. And Jason just wants to look at it, make sure your cheek isn’t broken. He’s been a hit a time or several there and it’s always unpleasant. And this bruise looks really deep, he tells himself he’s just making sure you’re actually okay. Physically. But it gets his blood warming with the idea another person caused it.

“What’d they hit you with?” Jason’s voice is lower this time, dropping his hand.

“Butt of a gun, fucking assholes.” You scoff, your voice on the verge of breathy as you try to ignore the fire in your stomach. “Shit hurt.”

Jason chuckles softly, leaning back on his hands. “Yeah, that’ll do it.” He shakes his head. “Sure it’s not broke?”

You shrug. “I have no idea. Probably not, my face isn’t deformed or anything. Doesn’t hurt that bad.”

“Did you ice it?” Jason asks and you find it a little cute and very cute he’s asking about it.

“No,” You laugh and Jason groans. “I was icing my damn leg. That is the shit that hurts.”

“Yeah, what’s that about? You’re the one limping now.” Maybe he regrets leaving. Maybe he could have helped, in some way.

“That’s where I was shot with the tranquilizer.” You roll your eyes. “The bruise is like half the size of my thigh.”

Jason cringes at the thought of it. “Ouch.” Jason shakes his head. “You sure you’re alright?”

You smirk at him and he’s cute when he’s being protective. He should do it more often. “You trying to take care of me, Jay?” Maybe you’d let him if he offered. You take care of him.

Jason's cheeks shoot red as his eyes look to the ceiling and back to you, doing his best to ignore his heart in his ears. “Someone should.” Jason lets his words out sarcastically but of course he is. Always.

You suck on your teeth and you’re trying so hard not to give him the satisfaction of a genuine smile, but you can’t help it. You fucking missed him. “Yeah, same for you.” Your eyes widen at him as you rest your head on his knee. “I’m fine, thank you though. Honest, just hurts still. How’s your leg?”

“All good.” Jason smiles down at you and he swears that can’t possibly be comfortable. “Doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Good.” Your smile is soft and Jason swears the ache in his chest from Rose doesn’t hurt so much with you.

Jason debates in his head. He’s not gonna say anything, that is for certain. He thought Rose wouldn’t be like that. Rose went through some really horrible shit, her own dad cut out her eye. Jason kind of thought because of that, she’d get him…kind of like you do. He wouldn’t feel less than or not good enough because she’d get it. But, she…treated him like everyone else but worse because he really, really let her in ways he doesn’t normally. And she screwed him over anyway. Everything with them was actually fine at the tower but they get away from it all, from the Titans and people, it’s just them and then…she keeps lying to him and using him. You are not Rose, but, there is a part of him that thinks maybe the same exact shit would happen because why wouldn’t it?

But, his mind wanders back to you kissing him anyway. Maybe it’s an easy distraction from worrying about Gar. But, he thinks about it and his reasoning of not wanting you to die for him and ruining you like he ruins everyone. And you’re looking at him with soft eyes he doesn’t think he deserves it because he left. Because he turned you down. Because he tries to pushes you away, even if he isn’t very good at it. And he debates if any of that was ever the right decision. So, he decides that testing the waters a little, will ease his mind.

“So,” He furrows his brows and dodges yoru eyes for a second. “You and Gar, just…not gonna be a thing?”

You smirk at him, picking your head up and he’s got that coy look he gets when he’s trying to play something off and failing miserably. “Why? Does that pique your interest, Jay?” You’re back to the asking game and that feels comfortable. There’s no pressure in it.

Jason shrugs one shoulder. “Nope.” He tries his best to wipe the grin from his face but he can’t help it.

“Mhm, okay. Whatever you say, birdboy.” You lick your lips. “Nah, not gonna be a thing.” You want to mess with him a little. You’ve missed that a lot. “Kind of into someone else anyway.” You scrunch your nose and Jason snaps his eyes at you, a devious look in his eyes.

“Yeah? And who's that?” There's a teasing smirk on his face while his tone is taunting, as if knowing you’re not going to tell him or that you’ll have some bullshit answer just to mess with him.

You shrug dramatically. “We should join the others.” You have an uncontrollable smirk on your lips and Jason is ready to burst.

“You’re not gonna fucking tell me? Just gonna leave me hanging?” Jason chuckles, his eyes wide.

“We don’t always get what we want, Jason Todd.” You let a laugh fall from your lungs and Jason swears it should have been you.

“Yeah? And what do you want?” Jason cocks his head to the right, taunting you.

A part of you almost blurts it right out, get it out in the open despite better judgment. A part of you almost blurts out to see the look on his face. He’ll get flustered and red will creep from his cheeks down to his neck. His muted forest green eyes will suddenly be a shade closer to the northern lights and you’ll have a good laugh and maybe you’ll get what you want. But, you can’t bring yourself to do it. He just had that with Rose and is still hurt by it. You both have Gar to worry about it and you think it might be shitty if you show up to rescue him and you’ve had this inevitable conversation. And what if he’s fucking with you? Like always. What if, despite everything, he still doesn’t want you? You want him, and you swear you probably always will, but what if he still doesn’t want you? That’s gonna hurt, too. So, you shake your head and decides you’ll tell him but not now. You do, however, decide to have a different conversation.

“Okay, seriously,” You drop the smile and Jason leans forward slightly. “Been thinking about it a little, between worrying about Gar and stuff, the Titans leaving and shit.” You start and Jason is hanging onto every word. He has no idea where this is going. “I wanna go home.”

Jason freezes, the conversation taking a turn. Home? “Like Gotham?” His brows shoot up and he’s not even sure why he’s surprised. You always call Gotham home.

You nod your head softly, chewing the inside of your cheek. “Yeah, uh, I haven’t said anything to anyone. But, yeah. I miss it and honestly, I think it’s just….I like it here and everything. It’s just…I would like to go back and kind of figure out myself. Dick rescued me and I’ll always appreciate that and never forget it. He gave me a shot here and that’s awesome but, I was thrown into this and I think I just…need to go back and find a part of myself again.”

“What do you mean?”

Between everything that’s happened, being here is a lot. At the end of the day, this is the city Jerry bought you to and kept you locked away, tortured you. This is the city that gave you powers you don’t even want. This is the tower that saw you paranoid, waking up screaming from nightmares. Burning Gar. This is the city where you were kidnapped and nearly murdered by Deathstroke. This is the tower that was supposed to be safe, but was attacked anyway. There is so much hidden in these walls, beyond just you that’s impacted everything. You like to run when things get hard and things are really fucking hard right now. You want to go home, a place that you know like the back of your hand. Gotham is always going to be Gotham, but it’s where you’ve always felt the most comfortable and…somehow, safest. And Gotham holds parts of you that are not here. You believe that home is where the heart is but you left part of your heart in Gotham and you want that back.

“I will never be who I was before. But I would like to find some of those parts again. My mom is buried in Gotham. I was…happy there though. Despite fucking everything, I was still happy. And…I…I don’t know.”

“Are you not happy here?”

“No, I am but…it’s different. It might just be the trauma.” You let out a scoff. “But, I was happier there and I just…want to go home. So fucking much,” Your breath is shaky as your brows furrow. “So fucking much has happened in this city and….honestly, I only stayed because I couldn’t abandon Gar. I couldn’t leave him alone and I thought not running, for once, would be good but….” You look to the ground before pulling your legs to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs and then looking back to Jason. “More shit just happened and…” You let out a breath. “I’m tired, Jay.”

You look tired. You aren’t smirking or grinning at him. Your eyes are dull and you literally look tired and sad. Jason’s chest aches looking at you and he worries a little bit more about you. The ghosts that roam the tower, do more than affect the original Titans. They affect everyone who lives here, on top of their own ghosts that want to follow and taunt them. If anyone in this place deserves to be happy, it would be you.

“Where would you go?” Jason questions and he knows you’re impulsive but he's got a feeling this is something you’ve been thinking about over the last week.

You shrug. “Figure it out.” You let out a broken laugh. “Did before and CPS can’t do shit now, so.” You let out a deep breath, tugging the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands.

Jason would be lying if the thought of asking you to come to Gotham with him didn’t cross his mind when you said you and Gar were a no-go. It was less than a split second but he knew he’d never be able to ask. There’d be no way he’d put that on you, going back to the shitshow of Gotham. But, if you want to do it anyway…

Jason pulls his other leg to his chest, resting his forearms on his knees. “Okay, are you really wanting to do it? Like, no bullshit or whatever. You wanna go back to Gotham?”

You nod. “Mhm. Too heavy here right now.” You dodge your stare to Jason’s hands, catching a glimpse of faint bruising on his knuckles.

Jason gives you an understanding nod. “Want me to talk to Bruce?" The words flow from his mouth like a gentle river, easy and smooth.

Your heart stops in your chest as you snap your eyes to Jason’s. “What? Talk…to Bruce?”

Jason nods. “Not letting your ass go back to the streets. If you’re fucking serious about going back to Gotham, I can talk to Bruce. I know you don’t like him, but it’s a roof over your head, a warm bed, food. In Gotham.”

You adore him. That’s the only thing that’s running through your head. It’s running over and over and over, on loop like a broken record. You adore him for everything he is and everything he isn’t. Asking Bruce, is something you never thought he would do. That is his thing. More so than even reading seems to be because that’s where he’s Robin. But, he offers anyway.

And he offers because he’ll always take care of you. And keep you safe. No matter what.

“You’d really do that?”

“Hell yeah.” Jason gives you a grin, the beating of his heart stutters. “Be more fun if you were there anyway.” Jason shrugs.

“Thank you, Jay.” You smile softly. “I’d really like that.”

“I’ll talk to him, sure he’ll be fine with it. You know he likes strays.” Jason gives you a cheeky grin and you let out a laugh, looking down and then back to him. Jason is relieved you’re okay with it. Maybe even a little thrilled.

“Yeah, when are you gonna start plucking strays? Bruce then Dick, you’re next Batboy.” You point a finger at him and you think he might be good at it, better than Bruce and Dick.

Jason lets out a groan, tilting his head back. “That's the meanest shit you’ve ever said to me.”

Your laugh booms off the walls and Jason’s heart nearly melts through his ribs. “I think it’s probably their best quality!”

Jason’s never felt this before. Not exactly the heart thundering and stuttering or the clammy hands or cheeks aching from smiling too much. But, the comfort he feels with you. The ease of how the conversation moves between you, how it goes from serious to banter to serious, so easily. He’s never had that with anyone before. You’re both worried about your best friend but with each other, you find your own way to deal with it and handle it rather than training yourselves into the ground while waiting. Jason has never felt so comfortable in a place he does not feel welcomed and it’s because of you. He is so sure of that.

Just then, Donna walks in, gathering yours and Jason’s attention.

“Kory and Rachel are here, we’re gonna try to come up with a plan.” Donna states.

“No Dick?” You ask and Donna shakes her head, a look of annoyance on her face.

“Do not say anything.” Donna warns and Jason gains a grin before getting to his feet. “Either of you, please.”

“I won’t, just asking.” You defend while Jason extends a hand to you.

“I don’t have shit to say to her.” Jason lets out a scoff.

You grab his hand and get to your feet. The two of you follow Donna to the kitchen where Dawn and Kory are standing at the center counter and Rachel is seated on the same countertop. Jason and you head to the opposite side of Kory while Donna stands between you and Dawn.

“You’re back.” Rachel states with confusion as she looks at Jason.

“Was told you guys needed the help.” Jason deadpans and he also doesn’t want to deal with Rachel right now.

“Okay, well, we have news about Dick.” Kory states before Rachel can respond.

Rachel and Kory go off to explain that Dick wasn’t in his cell. He must have escaped with the other prisoners or something. Again, you sit there thinking about how you were right and Rachel was wrong about this. Dick could handle himself. He went off to wallow in his own self-pity and now he’s free. It’s like you thought would happen. But, you listen anyway as they get to the weirder stuff about Dick writing on his cell walls that Jericho is alive.

“Well, one thing’s for sure. He’s clearly lost his mind.” Donna says.

“But, I keep having these dreams about Dick being killed by Deathstroke.” Rachel says as she’s seated with her legs crossed on the counter. “And they’re going away. We need to do something about that.”

Jason shifts his weight to his left leg as he crosses his arms. You watch his jaw clench and you know he wants to say something so you move a little closer to him, your arm resting against his. When he looks at you with a quirked brow, you offer him a faint but calm smile. It’s not worth it. You have Gar to worry about not Rachel’s dreams and Dick escaping prison. He’ll be fine.

“I believe you.” Donna says. “But we have bigger problems right now.” Donna flips the case of the iPad open, showing blueprints of the CADMUS building.

“Okay, what’s the plan?” Rachel lets out a sigh and you bite your tongue.

Now that Rachel got to do what she wanted, now she’s on board with saving Gar. You can feel your blood wanting to boil. It’s just so ridiculous and it’s not even like you can say anything because you’ll just argue again and you’re tired of arguing and fighting. So, you bite your tongue and Jason catches you stiffen next to him. It’s his turn to give you a nudge and shake his head. You grin at him and jerk your head toward the women where you stand Donna and Dawn, furthest away from Rachel so you can still see what’s going on.

"Well, the main CADMUS building closes at 9 and security drops down to 10. There's two at each gate and then six roaming inside." Kory explains.

"Okay, what about the lab?" Donna asks as she zooms in.

"Whole different story." Dawn says. "It's a twenty-four-hour operation and in the last week, they've doubled up the guard. Four six-hour shifts, 10 bodies around the clock. Sounds like that's where the party's at."

"Okay, well, let's crash it." Donna says.

"Finally." You let out a sigh.

"It's about damn time." Jason lets out a scoff.

"Oh, so we're just gonna break in CADMUS and get Conner and Gar out of there. Just the six of us?!" Rachel questions.

"Do you have a better idea?" You quip, unable to hold your tongue.

"We don't have a choice right now, okay?" Donna states. "But, between you and Kory, we have plenty of firepower. At least to get us through the front door."

"About that, I've got some bad news." Kory says, gaining everyone's attention. "My powers have vanished."

"Yeah, that tracks." You mutter and it's just one thing after the other here.

"What do you mean?" Donna asks.

"I don't know. I don't know what happened. But they're gone and I haven't been able to get them back." Kory states, frustration in her voice.

"Well, that's fucking great." Donna sighs. "What about you?" Donna asks Rachel.

"Fully loaded but I can't promise that I....won't go a little bit overboard." Rachel rushes her words slightly. "Um, things have been getting a little...dramatic."

Donna looks to you. "How about you?"

"All good and ready to go." You offer her a thumbs-up.

Just then, there's an alert on the iPad. Everyone who can see the iPad starts reading.

"A disturbance at Golden Gate Park. Units responding." Kory reads out loud. "People are injured. Reports of a wild animal."

"Phase two." Rachel states, her voice uneasy. Donna had texted Kory with updates on what they found out from the CADMUS guy and their lack of plan. "It's already begun."

The room falls silent for just a few seconds before everyone starts moving. Jason, Donna, and Dawn grab their suits, you grab a backpack and a change of clothes for Gar, while Kory, and Rachel head downstairs. It only takes you, Jason and the other women a few minutes to get ready and meet at the elevator. Jason hands you one of his helmets and you almost laugh as you take it from him. Of course, you're taking the bike.

"We'll follow you guys." Jason states, getting on the bike, kicking the kickstand up while you get on the back.

"You sure?" Donna asks, the other women already piling into the SUV.

"We'll be fine." You assure her, popping the helmet on, Jason doing the same and sliding down the face shield.

Donna doesn't say anything else before walking off to the SUV. Donna starts driving, moving past Jason and you.

"Hold on." Jason states and you grip his waist tightly before Jason shifts the bike into first and pulls the throttle.

Jason and you follow the SUV closely, keeping the drive silent despite the com system that’s also connected to the SUV. You're both on edge going into this. Gar is your friend. Neither of you want to hurt him. You know you will not do it, no matter what. He's a tiger. All of you together, should be able to stop him without any major problems. But, you’re worried anyway and Jason knows there's a chance you won't have a choice. Bruce trained him and Dick to be prepared if they get brainwashed. Bruce went over what can happened, what being brainwashed can make them do. It can be nearly impossible to stop someone. The last thing Jason wants to do is hurt his friend, again. But, if you're all given choice he knows he'll have to be the one to do it because he wouldn't let you. So, you both stay in your heads until the SUV comes to a sudden stop with an explosion, Jason almost running right into it as the bike swings sideways.

"What the fuck?" Jason yells out.

"Deathstroke. Get down!" They can hear Donna yell through your com systems.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You groan, ducking into Jason as the sound of constant gunfire echoes around the alley.

Jason looks over at you and for a second, he thinks about leaving. He could get you both out of there completely unscathed. You're hidden behind the SUV and you're not too far into the alleyway. You could take another alley safely, get to Gar. Jason debates it, knowing that with Deathstroke's constant firing, none of you will be able to get close anyway. But, that's backing down and you're supposed to be a team. But, then he come back to you whose grip on him in nearly suffocating and he hears a yelp from in from of you. Jason peaks up to look inside the SUV, seeing Kory's the one who was just shot.

"We have to do something, Jay. We're literally sitting ducks." You yell over the gunfire.

"I know!" Jason yells back and he swears if it weren't for the whole Deathstroke dropping him from a skyscraper problem, he'd have a decision already and you'd both be fine. But, ever since, his head isn't in it and he can't think straight in these situations. The fear of it is almost paralyzing.

"Y/n, Jason, are you two okay?" Dawn yells over the gunfire.

"We're fine." You say back. "Besides the gunfire. What do we do?"

But then, someone jumps from a building and onto the roof the SUV, the gunfire coming to a halt. You and Jason look up to see some random person in a blue and black suit just standing there.

"Who the fuck is this freak now?" Jason sounds absolutely exasperated.

The two of you watch as he flips dramatically and effortlessly off the car.

"You can take the boy out of the circus but you can't take the circus out of the boy." You mutter and you hear Jason chuckle softly, looking back at you.

"Really?"

"He just flipped off the car to Deathstroke, I mean."

Of course, it's Dick. For some reason, that makes perfect sense in the world of insanity you're all currently living in. The two of you flip your face shields up, leaning up to watch through the back of the SUV. Dick starts fighting Deathstroke and holds his own just fine now. Everyone watching is stuck in a state of confusion watching this whole exchange happen. How did Dick even know where to find all of you?

"Who's been hit?" Dick asks.

"Kory." Rachel says.

"You take care of her. I'll take care of him. Jason, Y/n, you two get out of here and get to Gar and Conner. This is my fight." Dick says.

Jason looks back at you and he is not a fan of listening to Dick but, you are sitting ducks back here and at this rate, you'll never make to Gar. So, he puts down his face shield and you follow his lead, gripping his waist tightly before he swings the bike around and peels off in the opposite direction.

When you arrive at the carnival, it's absolute chaos when you get there. Some people are intrigued by a green tiger and others are seeking shelter by leaving or trying to hide out. The two of you spot injured people trying to flee as fast as they can. There’s a sense of unease as you make your way traveling in the direction of the screams. It’s just the two of you, knowing you have to face Gar, your best friend. That’s not something either of you really want to do, ever.

You and Jason spot Gar and Conner from a few yards away. Gar starts attacking Conner, latching onto his arm and Conner is completely unphased. The two of you have a sense of dread. Of course, you knew the report was true. Gar was attacking people but maybe you both had a little bit of hope it wouldn't be this bad. But, for Gar to attack Conner, shit is very not good. And Jason's jaw clenches because he's worried he's too far gone. Gar doesn't eat meat, he doesn't hurt people. And here he is attacking someone who's supposed to be his friend, according to you. And you watch as Conner throws Gar effortlessly twenty yards away and into one of the rides.

"You get Gar." Jason looks at you taking a few steps forward.

One of you is going to need to deal with Gar while the other handles Conner. You can’t solely focus on one of them until the other Titans show up. Jason at least has the experience. And you know about animals.

"Are you insane? He's half Superman." You groan. With Dick showing up and having the other Titans, surely the fight with Deahtstroke can’t take too long and they’ll be here soon.

"Yeah? The fuck you think he's gonna do? Just let Gar go? Not finish him off? You go and I'll distract him."

You shake your head and you hate the idea. You aren't sure how you’re supposed to unbrainwash him. No one exactly prepared you for any of this. And Jason going against Conner sounds terrible. Conner had no issues throwing Gar like a ragdoll and he's at least a tiger and a meta-human. Jason, while he might be Robin, is still just human.

"Look," Jason walks over to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. "Bruce said we need hear traumatic shit to pull us back. That's how he trained us." Jason explains and you want to know who the hell is letting Bruce Wayne train kids? Letting them relive their trauma. "Not sure if it'll fucking work because he should be listening to himself say all that but," Jason shrugs. "Worth a shot." Jason looks over to Conner and then back to you. "If shit gets messy, do something. I trained you, you'll be fine." Jason offers you a smirk that doesn't have the same snarkiness behind it.

"Not me I'm worried about."

"I'm--"

"Robin, yeah, yeah, yeah." You roll your eyes. "Don't do anything fucking stupid, Jay."

Jason gives you a grin, pulling his hands away as he starts walking backwards. "I never do anything stupid."

You nod your head, blinking your eyes slowly at him. He's gonna get his ass handed to him.

You reluctantly let Jason do his thing while you make your way over to Gar. You’re not willing to start telling him stories about the shit he's been through, not without trying something else. If hearing it from himself is supposed to work but not hearing it from you, maybe you telling him good things will work. The opposite.

"Gar?" You kneel down in front of him and you swear your mom is screaming at you from beyond the grave. Tigers are wild animals, not pets and they will eat you. But, this is Gar.

Gar growls at you, lifting his head weakly.

"It's me." You’re cautious. "I know you're in there." You avoid looking directly into his eyes, unsure of how his animal instincts work, especially right now. "Remember when Dick brought me to the tower? You were the first person I talked to and you were so excited because I was watching The Goonies?" You give him a smile. "You brought me pizza. And you, uh, you walked with me around the tower when I thought Jerry was there. Remember when we had a Nerf war against Dick and he got us back? Or that time Jason turned him blue? Or when I beat you at Mario Kart because I messed up your controller? Or when you showed me Resident Evil and you rambled about it for 2 hours.” You let out a soft laugh as you try to think of more things that have happened as quickly as possible.

You aren’t exactly sure what else you’re supposed to tell him, how many things you’re supposed to list. But, he has stopped growling at you.

“You've been there for me through almost every nightmare I've ever had and you were there for me when I completely lost it because of Deathstroke. You're the nicest person I've ever met and you're strong as fuck so I know you're in there somewhere." You scoot closer to him and cautiously and gently, put your hands on either side of his cheeks. The fur is soft under your hands. He growls again but you don't jerk away. "I'm not scared of you. And I know you won’t hurt me." You rest your forehead against his and in tiger form, it feels weird because his head is so much bigger than yours. But, it's soft and warm. "I know you’re in there and I believe in you."

You suck in a breath, closing your eyes. Despite the constant pessimism that seems to be intertwined in your blood, you’re positive this has to be working. He isn’t growling anymore and he’s not trying to eat you. Gar is in there somewhere then, Gar starts to transform back into human form. You can feel his face shift under your hands as you pull away, a gentle and relieved smile pulling at your lips. His eyes flicker at you as a sheepish smile comes to his face. You saved him.

"Hey." You smile widely at him and it's the softest smile you’ve ever given him.

"Thank you." Gar's eyes are tired as he lets out a breath. How did you know to do that?

"You don't have to thank me." You laugh softly. "Here." You pull the backpack off, handing it over. "Grabbed some clothes for you."

"Thank you." Gar lets out an awkward chuckle while you stand up and turn around so he can put the clothes on. He’s surprised you even thought to do that. That you were positive you would be able to get him back and he would need his clothes. Gar will be eternally grateful for you.

"Are you okay?" You ask, still with your back to him. You can't believe it worked and you’re so happy it did. The world is a cruel place, but Gar does not deserve that cruelty. 

"Uh..." Gar stutters. Okay? He knows he just hurt several people, he was brainwashed. He is physically in pain. "Yeah."

"Are you lying?" You question, sticking your hands in your hoodie pouch.

"Yeah." Gar clears his throat, walking up to your side. "Just, a little sore." Gar’s voice is low, a little rough and Gar? Not talking about something? That’s new and you do not like that. But, you won’t push because you still have other problems to deal with. That’s a Tower conversation.

You nod your head softly, brows knitting together. “You sure?”

Gar gives you a fake smile. “Yeah, uh, thank you.” Gar furrows his brows, nodding.

"Of course." You nudge him with your arm. "Come on, we should get over there. We can talk at the Tower if you want?"

Gar nods. "Yeah, thank you."

"You'd do the same for me." You interlock your arm with his and the two of you walk, unsteadily towards the other Titans.

"When did Dick get back?" Gar asks, seeing Dick stand near Conner as Rachel uses her powers to encompass them both.

"Love that you're just used to Rachel doing that." You state. "Uh.... twenty minutes ago, apparently. He saved our asses from Deathstroke."

"Deathstroke's back?" Gar groans. What has he missed since being with CADMUS?

"Assume they took care of him since everyone is here now." You shrug. "It's been a few days." You laugh softly. "I'm just glad you're...okay." You smile softly at him before looking back to the Titans, scanning over everyone.

Donna has her rope around Conner while Rachel is using her powers to hold Conner still so he can't move. Rachel has powers surrounding Dick, fully encompassing him. You’re positive you will never get used to that. Dawn, Hank, and Kory are standing behind them, watching. You can feel your heart in your throat until you spot Jason standing a little off to the side of Hank, holding his arm. You let out a breath at the sight of him.

"Jason's back?" Gar questions, seeming to have noticed him at the same time.

"He came back to help." You answer proudly.

"Got the whole team back together." Gar offers a genuine smile.

"Yeah," You feel a warmth in your chest with the idea of everyone sticking around, even if it won’t happen. "All to save you."

Rachel suddenly stops using her powers, releasing Dick and then Conner. Donna releases her rope and Conner seems to be back. He looks around for just a second in horror at the mess. But, then, he looks towards the CADMUS vehicles and starts walking fiercely towards them, you and Gar moving quickly out of his way and towards the others. CADMUS starts firing their guns at Conner which is just a waste since he's literally bulletproof. And none of the Titans are going to stop in to stop him. This is now Conner's fight.

"Nice to have you back, man." Jason gives Gar a nod as he approaches the both of you.

"Thanks for coming back."

"Don't mention it." Jason lets out a scoff, offering you a smile.

"You okay?" You ask, taking a quick glance over him.

"Yeah, all good." Jason nods at you, cocky grin dancing across his lips.

Everyone gathers around as Conner comes back. He stands in front of everyone, getting a better look at the damage caused before he puts the blame on himself. He says it wasn't him but he still did it. Donna is the first one to tell Conner that it's okay and everyone is just glad to have him back.

The people at the carnival then start to come out of hiding, cheering for the Titans. That's a bit surprising but it is kind of nice. Everyone collectively smiles and waves softly. You aren't sure how you feel about it. There's a lot of attention on all of you but it's nice the people appreciate it, rather than hating all of you. You feel a little too exposed but you smile anyway, trying to deal with it because that's what Titans do.

There's a little girl who points out her doll stuck on a ride. Dawn sees the little girl and grabs the doll before walking the doll back to the little girl. But then, everyone hears electricity cackle from above. One of the electric light displays starts to tilt towards Dawn. She rushes as many as she can away, telling everyone to get back before Donna runs and catches the piece of equipment before it falls onto the innocent civilians.

She holds it above her head as it electrocutes her. Every one of you watch in a state of horror, unsure what to do and if any of you can even help. She’s Wondergirl but that doesn’t mean she’s immune to electricity especially that much and for more than just a few seconds. But, there’s nothing any of you can do and after just twenty seconds, Donna goes limp and falls onto the beam.

Dick runs to her and holds her body in his arms. No one says a word, everyone just stands there and watches. How did that kill Wondergirl? Of all things, how? At a carnival? Your heart breaks with the sight and you really liked Donna. You looked up to Donna. Gar hangs his head and you reach down to hold his hand while Jason puts a hand on your shoulder. It's just not fair.

The team goes back to the tower, Hank carrying Donna's body. The tower feels emptier than it ever has before. It's darker than usual, completely silent. It feels like the Reaper is actively looming over the entire Tower, haunting every single one of you. You all lost one of your own tonight, and at a carnival. It wasn't Deathstroke or Dr. Light. Just a piece of electrical equipment that never should have fallen to begin with. And it was Donna. Wondergirl. The reality of it is too heavy for any of you to carry. So, the you all go your separate ways through the tower.

You go off to your room to change and figure you'll check on Gar right after. You’re sad about Donna, despite everything you looked up to her. And it's rough that of all Titans, she's the one killed. And saving people. It hurts through every part of your body and you’re tired of loss. But you focus on Gar because dealing with those feelings isn't something you really want to do. It hurts and when things hurt, you run from them. Avoid them. And Gar just went through something traumatic and now he has to deal with the loss of Donna who he knew a lot better than you did. You focus on your best friend because his feelings about everything just happened are far more important.

Apparently, Jason had the same idea because when you leave your room, Jason was already making his way to Gar's room. Rachel, though, is already leaving Gar's room by the time you join Jason.

"He's not in there." Rachel lets out a sigh.

"Training room?" Jason questions, looking to you.

"Probably." You sigh and the three of you let your bitterness go between each other to find Gar.

The three of you head to the training room where you find Gar sitting alone on one of the benches with his head hung. The three of you pause, your hearts aching for your friend but then move forward. Rachel sits to Gar's left while you sit on his right, Jason standing in front of you. You and Rachel wrap your arms around Gar to hug him while Jason rests his hand on Gar's shoulder. Gar basically collapses into you and Rachel and you both hug him tighter, squeezing him against you to try to offer some type of comfort to the gentle boy who deserved better.

Gar's let out a whimpered cry, Jason giving Gar's shoulder a squeeze and he didn't think he'd see his friend like this. Jason doesn't let people see him as anything less than strong and sturdy, besides you. But, he admires Gar in a way because Gar doesn't really either but he puts on a smile instead of relentless sarcasm. He smiles and then offers kindness and help to others instead of collapsing. There's something admirable in that but he's crying now, breaking and it hurts Jason to see his friend like this.

"It's my fault." Gar lets out a soft whimper.

"It's not your fault." Rachel says quickly.

"None of this is your fault." You assure right after.

"I was the one brainwashed and that got Donna killed." Gar whines while you and Rachel pull away, Jason taking a knee in front of you.

"But, that's not your fault. That's what CADMUS did." Rachel says, her words slow.

"Yeah, that's on CADMUS. Not you." You state.

"CADMUS got her fucking killed, not you, man." Jason assures him.

"But she died because I didn't call Bruce about Conner."

"Look, I said it then and I'm gonna say it again, you did what you thought was best. None of this is on you." You state, getting a look of confusion between Jason and Rachel. Call Bruce? "Bruce probably wouldn't have showed up in time anyway and all this shit would have happened. Not on you."

"Yeah..." Rachel nods in agreement, unsure of what any of that means but is certain none of this could possibly be Gar's fault.

"It's not fair." Gar's voice is so small.

"It's not." Jason shakes his head. "It's fucking bullshit. But, that's not your fault." Jason lets out a sigh. Jason has no idea how to offer comfort to anyone besides you. One of the only people he’s ever been good with is you but, he does know that escapism is Gar’s thing. He likes movies and he likes video games. Jason can’t offer comforting words, but he can offer a movie. "Hey, man, why don't we go...watch one of your movies or something? Like we used to." Jason offers and the offer caches all three of you off guard but you and Rachel say nothing, instead you wait for Gar to talk.

"Not really feeling it, Jason." Gar lets out a huff.

"So?" You quip. "You like movies and you don't deserve to drown yourself in the guilt of everything that's not your fault."

"Exactly. I can make us popcorn and order from that pizza place you like." Rachel offers Gar a gentle smile and you let the anger for Rachel fade just a little. You’re not sure what was up Rachel's ass last night, but she does care about Gar and it's very obvious now.

"Come on, man." Jason groans and gives Gar a grin. "All of us getting along, watching something again?"

Gar lets out a weak laugh, you and Rachel smiling softly at each other. "Okay, okay, yeah." Gar nods with agreement.

Jason smiles proudly, getting to his feet and offering Gar his hand. Gar takes his hand and stands up.

"Uh, can you guys give us a second? We'll meet you out there."  Rachel asks, Sam snapping her attention to her.

Jason eyes the two of you suspiciously, not sure if leaving you both alone is the best thing to do but he nods anyway and Gar smiles softly, leaving with Jason.

"I wanted to talk to you." Rachel sucks in a breath.

With everything that's happened tonight, Rachel wants to get everything out in the open and squash everything. It's been bothering her a little bit since last night. Rachel never had many friends. This is the first time, she has more than one and it sucks fighting. Even if she knows her own feelings were valid, she knows yours were, too. So, she'd rather get it over with now rather than wait.

"I gathered." You nod your head.

"I'm sorry for what I said last night."

The apology catches you by surprise but you’re glad this is where this conversation is going. "Yeah...me, too." You swallow your pride and honestly, life is too fucking short. At the end of the day, you're in this together. You're Titans, together. Doesn't matter where you are or if you get along, you're in it together.

"I was...Dick is like an older brother and the dreams make everything feel so real and sometimes it is. Not having dreams about Gar, made me think he was okay. But, with Dick..."

"It felt like he really was in more danger?"

"Yeah, it was never that I was choosing between them or that I don't care about Gar."

"I know." You nod your head quickly. "I was just so mad about everything. I mean, I'm still dealing with Deathstroke shit and honestly, maybe I was a little...” You scrunch your nose. “Hurt that Jason left...with Rose. Then, getting attacked, not feeling good enough again. I took a lot of that out on you because I was still mad at you for Jason."

"I should have talked to him. I never meant for him to spiral like that. I didn't think the other Titans had stuff going on. It was just me and I thought it had to be him." Rachel admits and truly, she never dreamed Jason was in that bad of a headspace. Rachel can explode just like everyone else, but she’s not cruel.

"I just wish you would have listened to me at least. Jason, fine, I get that, but we're supposed to be friends so. I just...I was mad. And...." You pause. "Scared, honestly. Jason wasn't answering me, Gar was kidnapped and hurt. Those...they both mean a lot to me and it was a lot."

"We were both just scared for everyone."

"Yeah," You laugh softly. "I am...sorry I punched you. Especially hearing this side of it. Give you shit for not hearing Jason out only for me not to offer you that kindness. I'm sorry."

"Thank you." Rachel smiles softly. "I will apologize to him, too."

You smile kindly. "Thank you. He'll probably yell at you but I'm serious, just let him yell." You scrunch your nose. "He'll be fine after he yells." You laugh softly.

"I will." Rachel assures you.

"Hey, he's leaving anyway so...it won't be too bad."

Rachel's face falls. "He's leaving?"

You nod sadly. "Mhm, he's only here for Gar and then he's gone. Back to Gotham, back to Bruce."

"Are you okay? I know what I said but..." Rachel offers a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." You give her a fake smile and you decide not to tell Rachel.

You’re willing to move on from everything, especially if she apologizes to Jason. You were both just stressed and scared and worried. It was a lot for the both of you. But a part of you is a little worried that if you tell Rachel, she might tell Gar before you can. You know you’re going to stay here for at least a little bit to make sure he's okay and you aren't sure when you'll tell him. You don't want Rachel thinking you’re withholding the information on purpose or Rachel accidentally letting it slip. So, you sit on it and assure Rachel you’re okay.

"We're all good and I know Gotham is his home."

"Okay, if you want to talk.." Rachel smiles softly.

"Thank you. I'm sorry again for all of that shit. Are we okay?"

Rachel leans forward, pulling you in for a hug and you freeze for a second. And then you hug Rachel back.

"Yeah, we're okay." Rachel pulls away and gets up, offering you her hand. "Let's see what movie Gar picked."

The two of you make your way to the living room where you see Gar and Jason seated on the couch, an open space between them. Dick is just walking in with two bowls of popcorn, Kory holding a few drinks. You and Rachel look between each other before giving the older Titans soft smiles and taking your rightful seats on either side of Gar. Conner and Krypto are next to join as Gar scrolls through the movies and lands on one he's seen a handful of times.

"What are we watching, Gar?" Dick asks, passing one of the bowls down the couch to younger Titans.

"Ready Player One." Gar offers a soft smile as clicks the movie, the room not knowing anything about it.

"Spielberg, come on guys." You look around.

"That explains absolutely fucking nothing." Jason chuckles with the shake of his head.

"It's a video game movie, kind of." Gar explains, clicking the movie.

"That makes sense." Kory laughs softly.

Gar turns on the movie with a soft smile and the room falls silent. Dick and Kory saw Jason and Gar walk in, plopping on the couch. When they asked what they were doing and Gar said watching a movie, they offered to join. Dick would join every once in a while anyway and he just lost his best friend tonight. It was more so Kory's idea but Dick went along with it. The four of you are still his responsibility and maybe this isn't such a bad idea.

"What's going on?" Hank asks about half an hour into the movie, Dawn right at his side as they see the living room filled with Titans.

"We're watching a movie." Kory offers him a smile. "A video game movie."

Gar offers Hank a smile, the indicator it was clearly his choice. Hank chuckles softly while Dawn reaches down for his hand and walks the two of them into the living room to join the group of you, picking up two of the only open spots left.

The room falls silent as the movie plays, the new Titans sharing a bowl of popcorn (and maybe tossing a piece to Krypto every now and again). Gar explains every movie reference that shows up to everyone who hasn’t seen it which is almost always Jason and Kory. All of you just let Gar explain it and hear him get excited again, and for that short time during the movie, the grief of losing Donna doesn’t hurt so much. For that two and a half hours, you all live in peace with each other and every one of you needed it.

Two days later, the entire team meets up at a private airport, everyone dressed in black. You’re all sending Donna off in a casket back to Themyscira and her people have come to take her back. To say it was depressing would be an understatement. It was hard for every single one of you. Despite any problems the Titans had, Donna meant a lot to all of you and it's agonizing officially saying goodbye. And that's when Rachel decided to tell everyone she'd be going with. She wants to try and resurrect her. Something in her believes she has the power to do it, or at the very least try. You find it admirable.

Bruce flew in to see Donna off, too. And Rose showed up at the tower the day before, wanting to try out being a Titan for a little bit until she figures out what she really wants to do. Especially with having Jericho's consciousness. That was a little awkward for Jason and you. But it was nice seeing Bruce show up and maybe he's not all too bad. He gave you a pair of gloves when he showed up, explaining Jason and Gar had called him with the idea. Made with zylon fibers. Not only was it nice of those boys, but it was really nice of Bruce to go out of his way to do that.

Everyone got to be Titans that night, too. There was an alert of a problem happening and everyone, one by one, got up from the table to get suited up (or changed) and head out to fight for the first time as a full team. It went off without a hitch, too. You were a large team and it felt so good to be out there, doing exactly what the Titans are supposed to be doing. Saving and protecting people who cannot do it themselves.

Jason and Bruce flew out the following day. Saying goodbye to Jason, this time, didn't hurt nearly as much. You knew you'd be back in Gotham soon enough and he wasn't leaving over horrible circumstances. He wasn't leaving because he felt like he had to anymore, as if it was forced on him. It was a little sad, but you both knew it was not permanent.

Within a few days, you get a call from Jason giving you the all good. Bruce said you’re welcome to stay as long as you like. You said you wanted to give it a little longer, to make sure Gar is okay especially with Rachel leaving. Dawn and Hank also were very clear on them not staying very long. So, you owe it to him to make sure he's okay before you take off, too. He won't be alone this time. He'll have Dick, Kory, Conner, and Krypto but you owe him.

Over the next month, you hang around Gar, making sure he’s okay. At first, it was his turn to suffer from nightmares about being brainwashed and killing the Titans. Those were rough nights but Gar is resilient and he talks. He talks through all of it then escapes into video games until he’s ready to talk again. The whole time you offer him the listening ear, and assure him that everything was CADMUS’s fault. The talking and video games and friendship helps. Gar picks himself up pretty quickly, swinging back into the routine of things and it helps that you’re all actually being Titans now. You’re actually accomplishing missions and working together which is making everyone feel useful for once.

And over that month of being there for Gar, you feel yourself deteriorating. It’s easy to avoid feelings and problems and trauma when you’re focused on someone or something else. But, Gar gets better and you get worse. It’s as if your flight or fight has been kicked into overdrive the whole time but now with things getting, somewhat back to normal, it’s crashing.

The nightmares are consistent and at this point, you swear you’ll never get a full night’s rest ever again. The paranoia is back, more so than it was even with Jerry. The attack on the tower made it feel not safe. Even with the other Titans around, it doesn’t feel safe anymore because that bubble was popped. You weren’t the one kidnapped that time, but it lingers in the depths of your mind anyway and you’re always waiting for something like that to happen again, looking over your shoulder. So, you don’t sleep for more than two to three hours and you train. You’re always found either with Gar or in the training room running yourself to the ground. And you know that with Gar doing okay, it’s time because you can’t live like this anymore and there’s a place for you Gotham.

The problem is that you definitely haven't told anyone. Every day, you swore you would do it. You'd get up the courage to do it. And instead, you'd train and avoid it. You'd dodge questions about Jason. You'd bury yourself in your scrapbook. The idea of telling them, wasn't a good one. You ran from the conversation but, you can't do that anymore and you know you can't. So, you find yourself in the display room, trying to muster up the courage to tell Dick and Gar.

Dick walks in and he's had a suspicion. He's seen that look before. He has worn that look when he decided to leave Gotham and go to Detroit. You’ve been a bit spacey lately, too and at first, he thought it was everything that happened. You’ve been the main person looking after Gar but he watched the security footage back. He knows you were attacked and fought just as hard. You lost Donna, too. But, as the days went by, something seemed off. Dick is a detective and since finally coming to clean about Jericho, his head is far more clear and he's picking up on a lot of things a lot better. You haven't done anything new to your room or asked for anything. You’ve picked up extra chores and then there’s the training. Dick just knows.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Dick asks, standing beside you, keeping his stare at the displays.

You turn your head, the sad smile growing as you nod. You aren't going to lie. You need to tell him and he figured it out but it hurts to confirm it anyway. "Yeah, I am."

Dick nods, his expression sad as he looks at you "Can I ask where?"

"You've gotten a little better at asking things, Dick Grayson." Your voice is soft but holds your signature sarcasm. You shake your head, sticking your hands in the pouch of your hoodie before sucking in a breath. "Gotham." You look to your shoes, knowing you can end the conversation here but decide to try not to run from this one thing. You owe Dick that much. "It's home, ya know?" You look up at Dick and he nods.

"Yeah," His voice is understanding as he puts his hands in his pockets. "But, it doesn't have to be."

"I know." You answer. "But..." You pause, looking back to the display columns. You love to give him shit because he makes it easy and he’s he oldest. He’s basically everyone’s older brother. But, you owe him the explanation because he has done a good job here, especially after confessing the stuff about Jericho. You never want him to think you leaving is because he failed or something. "Um...a-a lot happened here, this Tower, this city. It’s a lot for me and I don’t know if I can handle dealing with all of that here. Gotham though, it might be a mess, but it’s home. I was happy there.” You let out a scoff, chewing the inside of your cheek. “More shit just keeps happening here and I need to find that part of myself that can be happy despite the bullshit. I don’t think I can find that here. I left some of myself in Gotham and I just want to see if I can find some of that again, get over some of this shit. I don’t know.” You shrug your shoulders. “Gotham is home, probably always will be and I...wanna go home.”

"I understand." Dick's voice is quiet and he's sad to see your leave but he understands. Finding himself was the hardest thing he ever did but it was worth it. He doesn't like the idea of you going to Gotham, not with what Gotham does to people but if it's what you need to do, he can't stand in your way. "Where are you gonna stay?"

You give him a dry chuckle. "With Bruce and Jason." You shake your head again as you roll your eyes. "I understand the irony in that."

"Jason pull some strings?" Dick is a little relieved that you won’t be homeless in Gotham, not he ever thought Jason would let you.

"Mhm." You hum. You don't want to get into it. Dick does not want to hear about that one.

"Have you told Gar?"

You shake your head and the very mention of his name makes you want to run out of the display room and away from this conversation. "No. I will." You say quickly. "You just asked first."

"Tell him soon." Dick says. He has a lot to say but he doesn't want to sway your decision or guilt you about it. He took you in, took Rachel in, and he’s watching you both go off on your own to do your own thing. Maybe he’s a little proud, too.

"I will when we're done." You let out a deep breath. You turn to face him completely this time and you hate to admit, but you'll miss him. "Thank you for letting me be a Titan."

The corner of Dick's lips tugs into a sad smile. "You'll always have a place as a Titan, okay?"

You nod. "So, I can come back when I figure my shit out?" You hope one day you’ll want to. You do like being a Titan, using your powers for good. But for now, it’s not healthy for you.

"Of course." Dick smiles at you. "Go talk to Gar." Dick sucks in a breath and he's let so many people down. He's let you guys down and he won't do that again. "Hey, be careful, okay?"

"Because Jason." You state and the two of them actually worked out some of their shit while Jason was here. Dick actually apologized but you suspect that's what he means anyway because Dick will always think Jason is reckless and impulsive and a bad influence.

Dick shakes his head. "You two have that figured out." Dick lets out a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck and you raise a brow at him. "With Bruce."

You offer a singular, large nod. "I will, I see how you and Jason turned out. You don't have to worry. If...shit hits the fan though...I can call, right?"

"Of course. We'll all be there."

"Thank you. I'm gonna go talk to Gar." You turn to leave. "Hey," You turn back around. "Keep doing this, you're getting a lot better at it."

You head to Gar's room next, deciding to rip the band-aid off. You do feel a little better after talking with Dick. It didn't go terribly wrong which means it should be okay with Gar. You knock on his door quickly, before walking inside. Gar is sat on his couch playing Resident Evil and he looks over his shoulder quickly, offering you a kind smile. The guilt floods back into your blood like a dam's just broken. He looks so happy and content and you’re about to break this to him.

"Hey." You say quietly, taking a seat beside him.

"Hey." He offers you a smile, pausing his game. "What's up?"

"Um..." Your brows furrow as you tug your sleeves over your hands. The action does not go unnoticed and Gar knows something’s up. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Is everything okay?" Gar asks, hesitance in his voice.

"I-I, uh, I'm....leaving." You get the words out but it feels like your vocal cords are short-circuiting.

It's as if Gar can feel the last of his heart breaking. Everyone is leaving and he's gonna be left here. Sure, he has Dick and Conner and Kory and Krypto but...what about everyone else? His best friends?

"Why?" He asks, his voice cracking.

"I....I-I-I I just....I need to figure out who I am now. I'm....not...I'm not who I was before and..." You choke down the lump of guilt clogging on your throat. "I need to go back to Gotham and find me and....just figure out my fucking shit."

"Why can't you do that here?" He asks and he's so sad, you can see it in the way his eyes dodge yours

You shake your head, offering him full transparency. "I fucked up. I couldn't save Jason and me. I have these powers and they were fucking useless. I couldn't talk him out of it, hell, I went along with it. I never would have done that before. But...I felt like I had something to prove to myself. That I'm strong and I'm not as weak as Jerry made me feel but then I was dropped from a fucking skyscraper with my best friend and we almost died. And then........." You keep your eyes on him because if you’re going to do this, you owe him that. "CADMUS attacked and I couldn't save any of us, or myself." You scoff. "Then, Donna." You shake your head. "I just feel useless and not good enough and...scared. I'm so sick feeling that way and running myself right into the ground over it. I never had healthy coping mechanisms but..." You suck in a deep breath. "I don't sleep and I train all the time. I need to leave and get away from the this city, figure out who I am outside of a Titan because I was thrown into this. I chose it, but thrown into it and I need to just get away for a little bit. Gotham is a shitshow, but it's fucking home."

"Gotham?" Of course, it's Gotham. Where else would you go? But, it hurts anyway. That's literally across the country.

"I know." You nods softly. "It's....it is my home, Gar. I was born there and raised there for almost my entire life. My mom is buried there. I need to go back. It's....I always felt like I belonged there"

He nods, not knowing what else to say. He won't convince you to stay, it's not him. He respects you and your decision even though it hurts. Even though he's upset. It hurts. Everyone is leaving again.

"You're not useless." Gar gets out. "And you are good enough. I know you don't believe it but it's true."

You nod. "Yeah, it just doesn't feel like it and I need to not feel like this anymore."

"I understand." Gar offers a solemn nod.

"I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry." Gar forces a sad smile to his face. "It's what's best for you. If it's going to make you happy, it's the right thing to do."

"Thank you." You swear you have no idea what you did to deserve his friendship.

"Where are you gonna stay?"

You let out a soft laugh. "That's the irony. With fucking Bruce Wayne and Jason, of course."

"You're gonna live with Batman?" Gar's eyes widen and it makes you laugh.

"Mhm, can you believe it?"

"Do...do you think you'll see the Batcave?"

Your nose scrunches as you lets out a laugh. Of course, that's what Gar is interested in. "I hadn't thought about it, Gar."

"It's Batman's Manor." Gar's eyes are wide with excitement.

"If I see the Batcave, I'll let you know." You shake your head. "You could come visit and you're a Titan so like...maybe you'd convince Bruce to show you anyway."

"That'd be so cool." Gar beams.

"I kind of just wanna throw a Baterang."

"You would." Gar chuckles softly. "Jason though." Gar shakes his head and he's also kind of waiting to see when that's gonna happen. He's pretty sure everyone kind of is at this point.

"One of the free perks of living with Bruce Wayne." You state and Gar groans. "What?"

"Nothing." Gar shakes his head. You and Jason will figure it out. "When do you leave?"

You offer him a yikes expression before giving him an awkward smile. "Two days."

"You waited until now to tell me?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna try to work on that. I was scared." You shrug. "It seems easier not to tell you."

"You can always tell me things."

"I know." You let out a soft laugh. "Did...you wanna play some Mario Kart though? We have two days to still play." You’re ready to be done having the conversation. It’s not easy for either of you and you’d rather be enjoying the time you have left rather than talking about it.

Gar lets out a laugh, a toothy smile landing on his lips. "Okay, yeah, grab the controllers." Gar states, saving his game while you grab the controllers from the switch.

It's gonna be weird not having you around. But, Gar understands it's what's best for you. He'll never stand in your way just like he didn't with Rachel or Jason or anyone else that's left. If he's learned anything, it's that the Titans do come back together eventually. Gar has hope you'll be back so he'll enjoy your last two days like he has been.

The next two days go by in a blur and soon enough, it's time for you to leave. You look around your room with a backpack on your shoulders. You give the room a sad smile and you swear you'll be back one day. You do love being a Titan but you need to figure you out now. It's time and you'll be back one day. So, you walk towards the door and close it behind you.

You walk out into the kitchen where Dick, Kory, Gar, Conner, and Krypto are seated around. You offer them all a sad smile. Kory is the first to say goodbye, offering you a hug and telling you not to get into too much trouble. Conner is next, also offering a hug and saying it was nice getting to know you. You make him promise to send you Krypto updates. Gar is next and he wraps you in the tightest hug he's ever given you.

"You'll keep in touch right?" Gar pulls away, eyes sad but filled with hope.

"Of course." You laugh softly. "You're my best friend, always." You flash him a toothy smile

"Good because I'm really gonna miss you."

"I’m gonna miss you, too. I'm just a phone call and flight away." You assure him. "Come visit."

"Will do." Gar offers you a sheepish nod, stepping back so Dick can say goodbye.

Dick stands in front of you and offer you a handshake.

"So fucking professional. You know, you took me in for no reason at all."

"You were injured."

"Yeah, but you could have brought me to a hospital." You quip. "Thank you for everything you've done for me, Dick." This is the most sincere you’ve ever been with Dick. "Thank you for looking out for me and saving my life, more than once. One hundred points for you." A confident smile comes to your lips.

Dick lets out a laugh. "You were really keeping a point system?"

"Well, I was joking but you seemed so surprised, I needed to commit to the bit. So, congrats on your win."

"Thank you." Dick's eyes widen with sarcasm.

You close the distance between you and hug him. It catches Dick off guard but he hugs you back.

"Listen to Kory, don't get into too much trouble."

"Have no worry, Dickolas. I've grown." You say as you pull away.

"You have." Dick nods at you.

"Well, I'll be back and I'll keep in touch." You offer all of them a last smile before walking over to Gar and giving him one final and long hug. You'll miss him the most.

You pet Krypto and give him a kiss before you head to the elevator. Everyone heads to the hallway to watch you leave and the doors shut. This is it, you’re really going home. After over a year, you’re finally going back home and it might be a little bittersweet but you’re so happy. Gotham is a shit show but it will always be home. You miss it.

You exit the building and right outside, there stands Jason with his motorcycle, one helmet on the bike and the other in his hand. He gives you a wide grin. He didn't tell you he was coming. You were given the address for the private landing strip where Bruce would send his private jet to pick you up. You were okay with that actually, just some time to be alone. But now you’re looking at Jason you’re so relieved to see him.

"Miss me?" Jason quips as you get closer.

You scrunch your nose, shrugging your shoulder. "Nope, not even a little bit."

"Alright, fuck you." Jason chuckles, looking to the ground and then back to you. Maybe this has been the longest month of his life.

"I don't think Bruce would appreciate us joining the mile-high club in his jet." You quip, Jason gaining the devious smirk that makes fireworks explode through your heart.

"He doesn't have to know." Jason quips right back.

"No!" You shake your head, a booming laugh escaping your lips. "Shut the fuck up." You close the distance between you, bringing him into a hug and you didn't think he'd actually come just to fly back to Gotham. But, you’re so happy he did. "You didn't have to come. I could have flown alone." You pull away, the biggest smile Jason has ever seen splits your face.

Jason shrugs. "Yeah, but that's not very fun. Thought you'd like some company."

"Thank you, Jay."

"Anytime, babe." Jason hands you a helmet.

"Can't just take an Uber like a normal person?" You quip while the two of you get on the bike. You put the helmet on while Jason gets ready.

"Nope, this is faster." Jason taunts you, looking back at you.

"Okay, Fast and The Furious." You roll your eyes as Jason slides his face shield down.

"Ready to go home?" Jason asks, looking back at you.

"Hell yeah." You slide your own face shield down, wrapping your arms around him before Jason kicks it into first.

The city goes by in a blur as Jason zips between traffic and you have a smile under your helmet. Every piece of you that might have been second-guessing this decision washes away. You’re going home and having Jason be the one that's there, makes the whole experience a little bit better. And you’re so excited to get back to Gotham, see what it will bring you this time around. And Jason is thrilled to be bringing you back home. It'll just be the two of you in Gotham. No Titans, no Deathstroke. Just you. It's you and him.

prev. chapter | Book 2 masterlist 

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A/N: Book 1: Okay hi, so I know I skipped over quite a bit but this was already so long lmao and I didn’t wanna break it up. If y’all want an exert from anything I skipped over, just let me know!! Thank you guys again for reading. It truly means SO much to me 😭

Book 2: First of all, I get to the point EARLY in book 2, I promise!!!!! I literally have that already written lol Chapter 1 of book 2 will be out in 2 weeks!! I’ll try to stay posting on Wednesday/Thursdays!! Book 2 also follows canon pretty closely so look forward to that angst lol But, yeah I’ll be part with chapters in 2 weeks!! Thank you guys!! 😭

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @anthemabby // @baebeepeach​

[st0ne-wasps]

Regards

Not the most creative title but eh. Tim's pov, he goes back to Benedict Hall to search for his friends body's to bury them. I'm not sure if tumblr is going to let me post this as one thing or not but we'll see. I'll accept polite criticism but keep in mind I mostly just did this for fun/as an experiment and to make my partner sad lol.

(TW: body burying, murder flashbacks, angst, blood, death, swearing)

I yanked the key out of the ignition with a huff. I felt bad leaving Jessica so suddenly with so little explanation— I know what it’s like to deal with this alone— but I can’t stay anywhere near this town anymore. Or anywhere in Alabama. I couldn’t wait to get my sorry ass out of this place, but there’s something I have to do before I can even attempt to leave this all behind. 

I stepped out of the car, shutting the door behind me with a thunk and a beep of the car locking that were louder than they should have been. Fucking Benedict Hall, I hoped the place would burn down as I stepped onto the well-kempt grass. The parking lot behind me was empty, lit up with oranges and purples from the setting sun, the harsh streetlights that just recently turned themselves on automatically seeming out of place in the softer light. 

I stalked down the paved pathways, carrying a duffle bag over my shoulder and trying to use its size to block my face, in case any overtime workers stayed past their shift, or any security cameras were pointed my way. My footsteps echoed painfully loudly off the brick walls of the college buildings, threatening to give me away to someone that probably wasn’t even there. 

I reached for the door, my hand shaking until I squeezed the handle to keep it steady. I opened the door slowly, scared it was going to creak and groan in protest— but it must have been well-oiled, because it didn’t make a sound. 

Being back in these hallways got my heart pounding, and I shook my head to quiet my ringing ears. I had to do this, I can’t back out now. For them. 

I searched the halls, not remembering the exact locations of… what I was looking for. I passed a room filled with pews, and paused as something caught my eye— a white mug, just sitting abandoned on top of one of the long benches. It was odd, but it wasn’t important, and I kept walking. I flinched at every shadow, every shifting of the old building, but I didn't stop again.

I started to pass by another hall, but just as quickly I stopped. The stairwell was familiar. I could clearly imagine my old college friend, standing there and holding a gun towards that over-curious man. It wasn’t hard to imagine— it was more like remembering the murder I had second-handedly witnessed, posted on fucking Youtube for horror fanatics and thrill seekers to watch with ignorant eyes. They may have witnessed the worst moment of my life, but they were not permitted to see anything I was about to do. This is between me and my old classmates.

I stormed down the hall with a renewed vigor, turning the halls I had practically memorized after watching the video a million fucking times. I turned into the room, almost expecting to see that spindly creature that had ruined my life— but the room was empty. I stepped through the door, switching my bag to the other shoulder as I glanced around.

There he was.

Jay Merrick. The amiteur detective, really just a nostalgic, curious kid. He didn’t deserve to be sitting here like this. Slumped against the wall, camera that had run out of battery hours ago in hand, blood that had once seeped through his soft green jacket now dried and firm. His eyes were closed, almost as if he could have been resting after a long day of snooping and stalking old acquaintances. 

I wanted to throw up just looking at him. If he had just left me alone, he would be alive. If I had just been a normal person and told him to fuck off, he would be alive. If I had just…. I shook my head as my ears started ringing again. I can’t focus on this right now. I have to do this. I can’t leave him like this, for my own sake, but mostly for him. He’d deserve the peace of mind. 

I knelt beside him, setting down my bag behind me. I gently grabbed his face and tilted it towards my own. I tried to memorize his face, but tears blurred my vision. I absentmindedly stroked his cold cheek with my thumb as I gently removed his hat with my other hand. I… I don’t want to take from him, but I can’t… I can’t let my only keepsake be the damned 670k Youtube channel. I hooked the sweatband of the hat to my belt loop and let it hang there, lifeless as my friend before me. Friend. I never got to tell him I saw him as my friend. 

I let go of his face, careful to make sure it rests gently, before I unzipped the bag and pulled out one of four large trash bags. It was far from what he deserved, but it was only temporary. I opened the bag as wide as it would go, and tried to push Jay inside as gently as possible. 

It wasn’t as delicate as I would have hoped. It was awkward, and his limbs were at odd angles, and I shuddered as I accidentally touched the crusty blood on his shirt. I closed up the bag and paused. I had to leave him somewhere while I got the others. It was too risky to put him near the entrance, but I couldn’t just leave him here… 

I sighed as I resigned myself to carrying them one at a time. I slung the duffle bag over my shoulder, and lifted the trash bag over my other. I heaved both of them back through the door and to my car, laying the hefty trash bag into my trunk as gently as possible, before heading back into the building for a second time tonight.

I started where I’d left off, but turned down a different hallway this time. The tiles and lockers were sickeningly familiar as I saw myself hacking and coughing onto the floor, shouting as I chased to the end of the hall and up against the balcony. 

Now, in the present time, I slowly shuffled down the corridor, feeling something disgustingly akin to simple embarrassment as I approached the banister and looked down.

Where was he?

I paused. He should be there. Brian should be there. I raced down the stairs as fast as my body would allow, and I almost fell, but I caught myself on the railing and sprinted to the spot right under where I had just been standing.

No no no no, fuck. Where was he? He was right here. He couldn’t have gone anywhere— he was dead. I heard his skull crack onto the floor. I saw him lay there, still as a board while I rummaged through his pockets. At the time, I thought he was just some sick fuck who liked tormenting me and my hat-wearing companion, but Brian… It was him. It had been him. The whole time.

And he had been right. Fucking. There. I would have been standing on him now. But he was nowhere to be seen. Fuck this, I had to find him. I bet the pale twig fucker had moved him. That shithead, he’d ruined my whole life, but messing with Brian’s corpse was about to be the last straw.

I sprinted down each hall, only stopping when my bag of supplies got caught on something or I thought I saw something that could be Brian. But he wasn’t anywhere. Or at least, not anywhere in this building. I leaned against a doorway, panting and trying to catch my breath again, feeling a tickle in my throat that threatened to lead to a coughing fit before I saw it.

Something faded and yellow looking, in the room with the pews and the odd mug. It couldn’t be. I ran into the room as fast as my slowly tiring legs would allow, and I fell to my knees when I reached my destination.

It wasn’t Brian. But it was his hoodie. Laying strewn across one of the pews and looking terribly empty and lifeless without the smiley man inside of it. I grabbed the fabric, feeling the familiar texture and tears begging to spill from my eyes. It felt so wrong to be holding it without my old friend as its occupant. I held the hoodie to my chest, wiping my face with my own sleeve to avoid getting my tears on it. I inhaled shakily, looking around the area once more— where I had just taken the hoodie from, some sort of black fabric had been laying beneath it. I grabbed it, and instinctively recoiled when I saw what it was, dropping it to the floor and standing up to put space between me and it. 

It was a fucking T-shirt. But not a plain one, or a band-branded one, or even one with a sucky pun on it. Instead, it had that damn frowny face, sewed onto the front and mocking me. Look at me, I’m so sad it seemed to say to me, and I kicked it further away from me with my shoe. Fucking disgusting. But I needed to take something with me, something of Brian’s that I could let go of, leave behind to rot. I stuck his faded hoodie under my arm and pulled out another trash bag from my fabric one. I shoved the makeshift mask in with little delicacy. At least I wouldn’t have to make another trip right at this moment.

Fuck that, who thinks like that? There’s no bright side to this… but if there was, Brian could’ve found it, I remembered bitterly. Always such a ray of sunshine for others, even when he was struggling himself. I felt guilty for how many times I must have burdened him while he needed help himself, before I had realized how much he had going on in his own life. I can only hope that he would have forgiven me. Scratch that, I knew that he would have forgiven me without a second thought— the real debate was whether I deserved his forgiveness. 

I knew that I didn’t. I’d killed him. Really, I’d killed them all.

But I continued my search. Just one more estranged friend to go. I left the stacked-pews room, and glanced down each hallway, trying to ignore the texture of my old best friend's hoodie under my arm. I could reminisce later. I listened to my own breathing as I continued down the hallway. And the sound of my footsteps. And the sound of a pipe leaking, somewhere in the building. It was eerily quiet, in the building and in my own mind. I didn’t know what to think, what to expect. So I didn’t think about anything as I searched the empty campus for the rageful director. 

He probably would have liked a college like this. It wasn’t too different from the one the two of us had gone to together, though the focus on the Arts would have made him happy, and the catholic part would have pleased his parents, though I don’t think it would have been his first pick. 

I continued down the hallways, my mind bouncing from one pointless topic to the other, trying to momentarily avoid the weight of the situation. Of my actions. I would’ve liked to slow my steps, drag out the moments for just a while longer. While I knew what would be before me when I find what I’m searching for, I didn’t really know what I was going to have to face. But I couldn't keep stalling, the soft sunset had already turned into cool moonlight, shining in pools on the slightly dusty tile floors. I didn’t want to be here any longer than I had to be.

I headed up a stairwell, one that I’d been up before but only really recognized through film— the moments before I had been here were blurry, almost lost to me. But I didn’t need video proof to remember what I had done as I saw the speckles of dried blood at the top of the stairs. I inhaled shakily as I pushed myself up the final step, and my eyes followed the trail of increasing blood splatter around a sharp corner. 

Hesitantly, I turned the corner. And he was just as I’d left him.

Alex Kralie, aspiring film director, hardass, and my old semi-friend. I was never that close with him, but he had seemed like a good guy. He had been a good guy— quick tempered, sure, stubborn as all hell but… he’d had a dream. And could anyone really blame him for doing whatever he could to achieve it? He’d had a fire about him, an undeniable spark that would have taken him to great places.

If he wasn’t lying dead on the hard flooring, blood clotted and dried long ago. And man, there was a lot of blood. It covered his shirt, splattered across his face, even smeared across the lenses of his glasses— which had been knocked to the other end of the hall, likely broken in some way. I stared at the roughed-up corpse, frozen to the spot. My ears were ringing loud as shit. My vision was blurry, but I wasn’t sure if it was from tears, or something else.

I could still remember the feeling. Of the adrenaline when he held that gun towards me, of the desperation in his and my own voice, trying to urge each other to different things— and even though I may have “won”, how could I know I was “right?’ —and of my dull knife digging into his flesh, and the blood covering my hand and forearm, dripping onto the floor by the stairs and still yet to be found and cleaned. 

I tried to calm my breathing, closing my eyes as I inhaled, and exhaled. When I opened them again, I walked unsteadily to Alex’s forgotten glasses. I picked them up— or, most of them. One of the arms of the frame had snapped off, and was still on the floor. I picked that up too. Both pieces were spotted with blood. I didn’t walk back over to Alex yet, but I set my bag down and pulled a rag and some bleach out of it. I wet the rag with the bleach and wiped off his glasses, before putting them in my bag, and I went ahead and put my old friend's yellow hoodie in there with them as well.

Applying more bleach to the rag, and grabbing another garbage bag before carefully heading over to Alex’s body and crouching before him.

For years, if I had stood before him, I would’ve felt rage. Annoyance. Playful exasperation at best. But seeing him like this, splayed across the floor, defeated, I could only feel pity. Pity for dragging him into this— even unknowingly. Pity for ruining his dream, his life. Pity for myself, because even as he lies, cold and stiff before me, I see myself in him. We are both cowards. The only difference between us being that he can finally stop and rest. But I will keep living as a coward. I am going to keep running. Even now, I run from the consequences of actions I could never explain, nor justify. 

I set the rag and trash bag beside me, and sigh— I should really have thought to bring gloves or something. I grab Alex by the shoulders and try to maneuver him into the bag. I try to be as careful as I was for the cameraman, but the feeling of the dried blood on my fingers makes me rush, and I’m not quite as gentle as I would have liked to have been, not quite as gentle as he deserves me to be with him.

Once he was in and sealed up the bag, I put him to the side and pulled out more rags from my bag. It wouldn’t be my first time playing janitor, but it would definitely be the least pleasant. I covered the rags in bleach, trying to inhale as little of the fumes as possible— I should have thought to bring a mask, too— and I cleaned the floor of the crusty red splatters as meticulously as possible. 

Even though the proof of what I’d done was all over the internet, if there was no physical proof, no one could prove it was anything more than a stupid art project— that’s what everyone thought it was anyways. An “ARG” or a “found footage horror” or an “urban legend brought to life.” They all thought it was a game, a show, made for their sick entertainment. But as infuriated as it makes me, it’s best for everyone that that’s what they believe, not just me and the consequences I’d face.

It took a few excruciating hours, but at least I could be certain I had removed every speck of Alex’s blood from the hallway. Honestly, I shouldn’t have waited so long to do this, it would have been way easier if the blood hadn’t been dried… but I’d needed to be prepared. And now that I had finished everything I’d needed to do at Benedict Hall, I could begin working on the main reason I’d come here. Yes, I’d have to remove the evidence… but… this next part was more important to me.

I shoved my ruined cleaning supplies into the last trash bag I’d packed, and slung my duffle over my shoulder, and heaved Alex up into my arms. I wish I could have found my old best friend's body, but just as a selfish thought, I’m glad I’d only have to make this trip twice, instead of three times.

When I finally got to my car, and put everything into the trunk, I was tired. Really tired. The moon was already in the middle of the sky, and I still had so much to do. I couldn’t stop, the risk of what I’m doing being discovered was too much. And they deserved this small sacrifice from me. It was the least I could do.

I hopped into my car, listening to it start up before pulling out of the parking lot as fast as I could without being a danger. I tried to let the sound of the road calm me, trying even harder to ignore what I had in the back of my car. It wouldn’t be too far, but it couldn’t be close enough to here to be suspicious. As much as I’d like to have gone somewhere sentimental for this, I couldn’t risk doing it anywhere that had been shown on the hat-wearing kid’s little documentary. 

Eventually I found a good enough spot, and pulled myself off-road as far as my car would allow, before hitting the treeline. Hopefully no one spotted it and came to check on me, but the road was completely empty, so I tried not to worry about it too much. 

I got out and pulled my duffle bag and the two plastic trash bags out of my trunk. They were all heavy as fuck, but I could manage. I hauled them into the woods, an ironic location, but it was the safest place. For them, at least. I kept sending glances behind my shoulder, as seemingly-casually as possible. 

Once I thought I was in far enough, and then some, I finally set everything down. I sat down as well, giving myself a moment to regain my breath before more inevitable physical labor. 

Eventually, I stood up and pulled the long shovel out of my bag. I sighed internally at the effort this was going to take, but I knew that it would be worth it as I pierced the fresh earth with the tip of the tool. I yanked out the first clump of dirt. Only a lot more to go.

I dug out another small divot, hoping I wouldn’t run into too many roots or large stones. 

I pressed the shovel into the dirt again, willing the body’s of my friends behind me to know that I was doing this for them. 

I heard the scrunching sound of dirt being scraped from the ground and realized I should have brought some sort of measuring tape to be able to know when I got to six feet down.

Eventually I lost count, and fell into a rhythm. A solemn rhythm, but one nonetheless. Still, my arms were burning from the effort by the time I thought I got far enough. I climbed out of the hole and opened up one of the trash bags.

It was Alex. I guess it’s only fair for him to be buried first, considering he may have been the first that I infected, and the last that I killed. I pulled him unceremoniously from the plastic, kicking the bag to the side and lifting Alex over to the grave. I looked from him in my arms, to the hole in the ground. He felt so heavy, and cold. Not like carrying a body. It felt like carrying, I don’t know… An empty box. A forgotten toy. Something left behind, empty, beyond use. I didn’t feel like crying because I didn’t feel like I was holding Alex kralie’s corpse. If I had been carrying his corpse, I would have felt the fire. He would have left behind some of his determination. Some hint of existence. Alex Kralie doesn’t leave the world stiff and cold. There’s just no way it would have happened like this.

Regardless, I set him down as carefully as possible into the grave. Once he was laying there, I looked at him again. Despite the blood still caked on his skin, he looked almost peaceful now, like he was sleeping. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Alex look so calm. I hoped that meant he was at peace, and not that I was over sentimental. 

I felt like I should say something. I had to say something, some sort of grand send off, something to show the lifeless thing before me that, even though we were never close, I had wanted him to have a successful life. And that I never wanted it to be this way. And the anger I felt towards him for his own hand in this mess. And that if i could have ended things differently, I would have without a second thought.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything that would convey what I needed him to understand, and yet, I felt like I had nothing to say to him.

“Regards.” Was all I could choke out. My eyes blurred. I picked up the shovel again, and started shoveling dirt over him. I watched every bit of it pour over him until he was completely out of sight, and then I started shoveling a little faster. He deserved my time, but there was still a lot to do, and the night was already getting old. 

Once the grave was fully covered, I pressed down the dirt as firmly as I could. I knew that if I really wanted these graves to be hard to find, I should be burying dead animals over their bodies— it’d be harder for police dogs to sniff them out that way— but I couldn’t do that to them. They deserved better than that— they deserve better than this— but it’s all I can do, and I was confident enough that no one would find them. At least not until I was long gone— either in another state or dead. 

I moved a few feet to the side, and started digging again.

It didn’t feel like it took as long this time, but it felt just as achingly tiring, if not more. I wasn’t sure I was going to have the energy to drive myself out of here by the time I was done with this. But I’d have too.

I opened up the second bag, and tried to pull Jay out without jostling him around too much— but it was just as awkward and ungraceful as it was with the director. Either way, I got Jay out of the bag and kicked the plastic to the side, just as I had before. 

I lifted him up and held him before the grave. Just as the first corpse had, Jay felt empty and cold. But different from the man before him, Jay felt young. Despite the fact that I wasn’t much older than Jay, once I really got to know him, he’d started to feel like a younger brother to me. Naive, curious, too good at snooping for his own good. I had begun to feel like I was somewhat responsible for him, his well being and his actions. I wanted him to make it out of this safe, better than I had or would, but here I am. Holding an empty impression of the endearing man I once knew. I couldn’t protect him. I couldn’t get him out of it. I couldn’t deter him from his search, and by the time I had made an impression on him, he was too deep in to pull himself out— even with my help and advice. 

I needed to have something to say to him. I tried to come up with something as I set him into the grave, and when I stood back up, I took a deep breath.

“I… hope you don’t mind if I keep your hat,” I said softly, staring at him, both our faces worryingly blank. “Don’t get too mad, but I can’t keep your cameras. Or the tapes. There’s… too much on there. It’s not just for my sake, but Jessica’s too.” I looked at him. He didn’t look at me, his eyes were closed. This wasn’t good enough for him. For any of them. “Sleep well.”

I began covering him with dirt too. But I couldn’t look at him. I finished as quickly as possible and turned to the final spot.

At least this could be a much smaller grave. I dug up only a few feet of earth, and pulled the horrid frowny mask out of my bag. I scowled at it, but it made my chest ache as I did.

I tossed it gently into the “grave,” and as I thought about how I had failed to find my closest friend to bury him here, I finally felt myself start truly crying. The fabric just lay in the hole, mimicking my expression and almost begging for the bitter glare I sent at it. 

“Brian, if you can hear me… I’ll see you at Lemon.” I said with a wavering chuckle, referencing an old inside joke we’d had. It brought more bittersweet tears to my eyes, remembering the last time I’d said that joke out loud. It had to have been years ago, now. “I’ll never forget you.” I said, with a weak grin. 

Then I scowled at the mask again. “And whatever the hell you are… The Operator, ‘Hoodie,’ whoever— you better leave him the fuck alone. Forever.” I said as I kicked dirt over the mask, until it was out of my sight, hopefully for the rest of my life. I wanted to remember Brian by his real face. Not whatever this mockery was.

Finally done, I looked over the freshly finished graves. I wanted to stick around. Sit down and have a break. Think of something more meaningful to say to these people, my friends whose lives I ruined by just being around them. I needed more time with them. I couldn’t leave them so soon. 

But the light shining through the trees told me the moon would be setting soon, and without the grueling task to focus on, I was beginning to become paranoid with all these trees surrounding me. I couldn’t stay here with them. I couldn’t see them, ever again. Not until I joined them. Which wouldn’t be for a long fucking time if I had anything to say about it. I couldn’t let The Operator win like that. Not after everything it took from me. From them.

I patted Jay's hat hooked to my belt loop. I pulled Alex's glasses from my duffle bag and slipped them in my pocket. I grabbed Brian's hoodie and carried it over my shoulder. When I got home, where that would be now, I'd put these somewhere safe. Somewhere I'd remember, so I would never forget everything that had happened. Everyone that I had lost. 

I put all the grave digging supplies and trash bags back into my duffle bag, fully prepared to dispose of it as soon as physically possible. I carried it all back to my car, and though I wasn’t carrying as much as I was on the way in, my back still ached from all I had done tonight. When I reached my car, I shoved the bag into my trunk for the final time, and walked around the vehicle to reach the driver's side door. I opened it with a cachunk, and peered behind me into the woods one final time.

“Goodbye.” 

I got in my car and drove away.

[fakeuwus]

RECKLESS | lee heeseung

now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ reckless by madison beer

"how could you be, so reckless with my heart?"

⁺ ⋆˚ genre: idol!hee x nonidol/university student!femreader, pure angst sorry lol, established relationship

⁺ ⋆˚ warnings: cursing, lowercase intended, barely proofread, mention of i-land LOL, lots of dialouge and idk if thats even a warning but had to put it out there, use of nicknames like babe/baby, infidelity

⁺ ⋆˚ word count: ~1k

⁺ ⋆˚ message from nic: wanted to put smth out while working on my jay fic!! got inspired by this show i was watching called "the game" (dont watch it its like highkey misogynistic and a bit racist and just overall so bad 😭) i wanted to rewatch it bc i used to watch it as a kid and now i realize how bad it was skdkd. but basically the bf is a pro football player while the gf is in med school and a certain plotline in the show inspired this 😁 also this is my first writing piece so pls be nice and feedback is appreciated!

heeseung slowly opened the front door to the apartment you and him shared, trying to be as quiet as possible since you were most likely sleeping. once he made it in he tip toe'd his way to your guys' bedroom. "did you have fun tonight hee?" you asked, while sitting on the couch with nothing but the lamp on. heeseung jumps, "holy shit you scared me! baby what are you doing up? come on let's get you to bed."

he walks over and tries to give you a kiss. you turned your head down only allowing him to press it to your forehead. you were pissed. actually, you were beyond that. words could not describe what you were even feeling at the moment.

you get up from the couch and stand before him, "you didn't answer my question. did you have fun tonight hee?" heeseung is perplexed by your tone. you sounded... hurt? angry? annoyed? all of the above? he tried to proceed with caution, racking his brain of all the possibilities of why you could be acting like this.

"uh... yeah babe, i had a lot of fun tonight. sorry i stayed out so late by the way. you really didn't have to wait up for me, you're probably tired." he was hopeful this was the right answer. it's gotta be, right? all you could do was stifle a cold laugh.

why the hell were you laughing? what was so funny? heeseung can feel his heartbeat in his ears and his skin was turning hot. you had never once acted this way in all of the years you guys had been together. it may not seem like a big deal to others, but you had always been so caring and sweet towards him.

even when you guys were arguing, your soft voice never changed. this was new. this was scary. you had a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes now and it seemed like you were staring into his soul.

"yeah heeseung. it's 2 am," you say sounding almost condescending, "but no i'm not mad that you stayed out so late. i mean i WAS, but after someone sent me a little something i realized there are worse things to be mad about." suddenly your phone is shoved into heeseung's hands. his jaw dropped. no. there's no way.

"who sent you this?! wait no it doesn't matter baby you can't believe this can you?" he reaches out for you but you pull away and start walking towards the front door to gather your jacket and bag, "so you're not even going to try to deny it? huh. i guess my friends were right." it makes him sick how you seem so calm on the outside, your words and actions treating this like one big joke while he's freaking out. he'd rather you be a crying, screaming mess than whatever behavior you're exhibiting at the moment.

you turn back around to him, "you think i don’t know who you’re giggling with on the phone while i’m sitting in the room studying for hours? that i’m stupid enough to believe that you’re not making out with her in that video? that i’m blind enough to not see the heart eyes you two make at each other while in the same room?” your words drip with venom and they shoot heeseung straight in the heart.

he feels like the room is spinning and he wants to faint. he wants to go up to you and hold you and tell you that she doesn’t matter, that you’re the only important thing in his life. but that’s not what happens. heeseung is too wrapped up in the moment to admit his wrongs.

frankly, he’s disgusted with himself and at a loss for words right now. he wants to convince not only you but more importantly to himself that he didn’t do anything wrong. and so he does. what comes out of his mouth next are words he’d soon regret. “WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO YN?! i’ve been so lonely lately because you’re so wrapped up in school and she’s THERE FOR ME. she’s been there when you weren’t. i wouldn’t have made out with her if YOU were at the afterparty with ME like i asked you to! we won four fucking awards tonight and i just wanted my girlfriend there to celebrate with me.”

and just like that, you snap. the jacket and bag in your hands are now thrown to the ground and heeseung flinches. “YOU ARE SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE! do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth right now?! i told you i have an exam tomorrow there was no way i was going to that damn party.”

tears are blurring your vision and your breath is becoming uneven. you don’t even recognize the man standing in front of you. “i have a life too heeseung. while you’re out chasing your dreams so am i. do you even acknowledge the sacrifices i have made for you over the past five years? tell me, was she there for you when you first became a trainee? was she crying for you every fucking episode of i-land? was she there every step of the way supporting your career?!"

heeseung doesn’t speak. he doesn’t move an inch yet his brain is moving a million miles per minute. he knows you’re right. he knows that you decline going out with your friends so you can wait for him to come home from practice. that your life only revolves around school and him. and he’s so eternally grateful for you. his heart yearns to express all the love he has for you and that he fucked up so badly. he just wants to fast forward to the part where you guys work through it and everything is okay again.

but that time is never going to come because you walk up to him with a heavy heart, placing the promise ring he gave you all those years ago in his hands.

he stares at the pretty diamond that shines in the moonlight, the only thing illuminating the darkness that’s consumed the space you both once filled with love. “i hope she was worth it,” you say as you open the door and walk out into the cold night. leaving heeseung and all of the memories of your relationship behind.

© fakeuwus 2023 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize

[jensengirl83]

You’ll Accompany Me- Chp 15

Jensen x reader

Word Count- 1737

Warnings- We’re still on the angst train, language, a tiny bit of fluff if you squint

Y/N sighed as she walked through the front door of Jensen’s house. He had broken her heart and left her in tears on the kitchen floor the last time she was there. Now, she had to stay there for the rest of her pregnancy. It was a better option than staying in the hospital for months, but she honestly wondered just how much better it would be. Could she stay in her ex-boyfriend’s home and not be tortured by the heartbreak she endured? Or could they manage to get along enough for her to have the baby and then move back out? Only time would tell.

She made her way over to the couch to sit down while Jensen, Jared, and Gen brought in what she had asked for from her apartment. Her eyes never left Jensen as he moved around the room, putting down the boxes of her things in the living room to be moved to their designated spot later. It wasn’t a question of if she was still in love with him. Of course, she was. But, he had truly destroyed her when he walked out on her that day, and she didn’t know if that could ever be forgiven. She wouldn’t keep him from being in their child’s life if that’s what he wanted, but she didn’t know if he could ever be a part of hers again. Not in the romantic sense.

“You okay, baby?” Jensen asked her when he noticed her staring off into space.

“I’m fine, Jensen, and I’m not your baby anymore. So, please stop with the pet names,” she murmured, her heart hurting with the use of his term of endearment.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, hanging his head and walking back out the door to his truck.

“Y/N, take it easy on him, okay? He still loves you and feels like shit about what he did,” Jared stated, making her a little angry.

“Really? And this isn’t hard on me? He doesn’t have to come back to the house that I left him in with his heart shattered on the floor. He did that to me! I get that he feels bad, but this isn’t a picnic for me, either,” she shouted, her temper getting the best of her.

“Hey, she doesn’t need this right now,” Gen chimed in, coming to sit by Y/N, “Let’s all calm down and take a deep breath. No one is saying this isn’t hard for you, Y/N. Jared just meant that Jay is letting this eat him up on the inside. You both have a lot of healing to do, and maybe it’s best to try and move past all this together.”

“I’m trying, Gen. I am, but I’m still hurt. When I look at him, I can still see his face when he left and went to Dee’s that day,” she whispered, wiping a tear away that escaped, “I promise I’ll try not to be so hard on him, but I can’t promise I’ll ever be able to take him back.”

“Hey, no one is asking that of you. We just want you guys to be able to live with each other in peace. You don’t need the stress of arguing with him all the time. Me and Jared are genuinely worried for you and the baby. He just doesn’t know how to express that appropriately,” Gen chuckled, giving Y/N a hug when she joined in.

“Yeah, what she said,” Jared huffed with faux annoyance.

“Thanks, guys. You’re right. We can’t possibly make it these next months at each other’s throats. I’ll be nicer,” Y/N rolled her eyes but a small smile on her face.

“Is everything okay?” Jensen asked, noticing Gen hugging Y/N on the couch. No matter how angry she was with him, he still loved her with everything he was and couldn’t stand the thought of her hurting.

“It’s fine. Gen was giving me advice on how to handle these months I have ahead of me,” she said, Jensen nodding and turning to walk away.

“Hey, Jay,” Jensen turned around to see what she needed, “I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I want to get along.”

“No need to apologize. I want to get along too, Y/N,” he agreed with a smile, but his face fell as soon as he turned around.

He wanted to get along. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he wanted to have her back in his arms, in his bed, and not just sexually. He wanted all of her again, but he knew he didn’t deserve it. He had hurt her deeply, and he had to deal with the consequences. He could only hope that she would forgive him and they could try again one day. But, if not, he would still be there for her, always. She was the love of his life and now the mother of one of his children. Even if they never reconnected romantically, there would never be another woman for him. She was it for him, and he prayed that she would think of him like that again in the future.

Y/N was sitting in the bed in the guest room watching tv. She had insisted on not being in the master bedroom. It was hard enough being in the house for now. She couldn’t imagine sleeping in the same bed that she had shared with him. That was asking for it. So, there she was, in the guest bedroom of her ex-boyfriend’s house, her mind racing with all the memories of how she ended up there.

She knew that Jensen hadn’t wanted any more kids, but she still didn’t understand his reaction. Sure, she was terrified when she found out she was pregnant, but he had been irate. He had said that he had reacted that way because he was scared, but she had difficulty swallowing that explanation. She had been afraid, but she hadn’t exploded. She hadn’t been so upset that she ruined their entire relationship. She wiped at the tears slipping down her cheeks and took a deep breath. She had to quit thinking about all this if she was ever going to be able to live with him.

She looked around her room at all the things Jensen had put away. He had insisted that he unpack all her things for her so she didn’t have to and would be comfortable. She knew he was trying, but it just wasn’t enough. Not now, anyway. Maybe, one day, she could let it all go, but it wasn’t right now. A knock on her door made her jump, ending her reverie.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Jensen asked, poking his head in the door.

“I’m good. Just watching some tv.”

“I- uh, I brought you something to eat,” he stuttered, opening the door and walking in with a tray,” I made you grilled cheese and soup. Chicken noodle, not tomato. I know you don’t like tomato soup.”

“Thank you, Jay,” she said with a genuine smile.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m doing my job. I’m here to take care of you both,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. His tell that he was nervous.

“Jay, you don’t have to be nervous around me. I know we aren’t a couple now, but we were friends for sixteen years. Am I still hurt? Yes, but I’m not going to yell or bite your head off,” she chuckled, patting the bed for him to come sit down.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he sighed, sitting beside her on the bed and giving her the food.

“I’ll let you know if I’m uncomfortable, Jay. Walking around me like you are on eggshells makes me uncomfortable.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing for everything, too,” she laughed.

“I’m so- Look, I should be apologizing to you all day, every day, Y/N. I fucked up,” he sighed.

“You did, but make it up to me by being my friend again. That’s what I want,” she smiled, making his heart flutter.

“I’ll try, I will, but it will be hard,” he admitted.

“Why?”

“Because I’m still in love with you. I don’t want to be just your friend anymore. I want us again.”

“Jensen,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I know you love me. I love you, but I can’t let it go. Not right now, maybe not ever. I know you said you’re sorry, and I appreciate that. But you don’t fully realize how you broke me that day. You left me to go stay with your ex-wife when I told you I was having your baby. How am I supposed to just let that go? How am I supposed to know you won’t leave me again when it’s something that scares you?” she sniffled, the hurt washing over again.

“Y/N, I don’t know how many times to say I’m sorry and that I royally fucked up! Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg? Grovel at your feet? I’ll do it! Just tell me what I have to do!” he pleaded, his eyes welling up with tears.

“Give me time, and don’t pressure me. I’m going to have to work through this on my own. And I can’t promise I’ll ever be able to be your girlfriend again. But you have to give me time to figure it out on my own, okay? Please?”

“Okay. I won’t bring it up again,” he groaned, standing to leave.

“Jay, don’t be like that. I’m sorry you didn’t get the answer you wanted right now, but please, don’t be like that with me. I’m asking as your friend, don’t make this harder on either of us.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll take you as my friend rather than nothing at all. Forgive me?”

“Of course, Jay,” she smiled.

He didn’t say another word. He leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead and walked out the door, shutting softly behind him. She threw her head back on her pillow and groaned. She hated hurting him, but she just couldn’t move past her own hurt at that moment. She sat up, took a bite of her sandwich, and rolled her eyes. Living with him was going to be a lot harder than she had anticipated.

[halsteadlover]

Locked In pt. III

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x F!Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Warnings: angst, lots of swearing.

• Word count: 4198.

• A/N: so this is 3rd and last part of Locked In and I want to apologize in advance for how this turned out. I hope you’ll like this one and if you want please comment, like and reblog, it’d be amazing. Thank you so much for your support, constantly, you are all serious the best I can’t express in words how happy you all make me with even a reblog or a comment! Love you all so much ❤️

<- Part one - part two

Four days passed since your assault in the prison and you’ve never been happier in your life to go back home, starting to lose your mind in that hospital room.

That bastard had really messed you up: head trauma, rib fractures, bruises around your neck and all over your face, split lips, bad knuckles, internal bleeding. The pain relievers and meds were helping to keep the pain at bay a bit but they certainly couldn't stop the twinges between your ribs every time you stood up or even took a deep breath.

You were so excited to go home, although aware that weeks of rest lay ahead, weeks in which you knew you would certainly lose your mind.

And the situation with Jay didn't make things any better.

After the bomb he had thrown at you, in fact, Jay had completely disappeared.

It was no use writing him message after message, calling him and every time the robotic voice started the voicemail when you called him, you felt the anger growing more and more inside you.

He never came back to see you, not even once and this, in addition to giving you uncontrolled anger, made your heart break, because you’d never, ever have imagined he’d behave like that.

Your mind travels in every direction during those four days, you thought of every possible scenario but none of them helped you find a plausible explanation that could have justified his behavior.

His words kept running through your head for every second in the days following the attack and, given the evolution of the situation, you began to think they were just a lie, a dirty lie.

He said he loved you, he said he had feelings for you, what kind of person acts like that? What kind of person confesses their love and then run away like a coward and disappears?

You couldn't help but cry, God, you cried so much in those days, tears you didn't even know you had. You cried because you felt like an idiot, because you felt so vulnerable, because of the fear that ran through your veins when that prisoner kept hitting you again and again, because you needed him so much but he wasn't there next to you, you needed one of his hugs, because you loved him so much it started to make your heart ache and your stomach twist, because the only person who could make you feel better was the very person you were crying for.

You were standing in front of your hospital bed while packing the last things in your bag when suddenly you heard a knock on the door of your room. You quickly wiped away your tears, trying to act like you weren’t just crying.

“Come in.”

The door opened and your heart started pounding as your subconscious hoped it was Jay. That hope, however, quickly vanished when Voight’s figure appeared in front of you.

For an instant you felt so stupid for even one second hoping it was Jay.

“Good morning sarge,” you greeted your boss with a slight smile as you closed your bag's zip.

“Good morning to you. How are you feeling kid?” Voight asked, hands thrust into his pockets.

“I've been better,” you replied with a light laugh “But med’s are working so it will get better.”

“I'm sorry,” was all your boss said. “But you're about to get out of this horrible place. Come on, I'll take you home.”

“Oh, no, no, you don't have to sarge. I can ta-…”

“I won't take no for an answer kid, I didn't drive here for nothing,” he interrupted and you could tell from his tone there was no room to argue.

“Okay,” you sighed “Thank you,” you continued, slightly embarrassed.

Since you were hospitalized Voight – as well as the rest of the team – came to see you every single day, always asking how you were and if you needed anything.

“You didn't have to come, really, I could’ve taken a cab home,” you said as you and Voight walked to the car. Needless to mention he even insisted on bringing you your bag.

“It's not a problem for me Y/N, after all it's my fault you got yourself into this situation.”

You turned your head to the side and looked at him in confusion. “It's not your fault sarge.”

He sighed, looking at the ground for a moment before returning his gaze to the road. For the first time since you started working in the unit you saw a side of him… Did he feel guilty?

“Yes it is, Halstead was right, it was my fault I decided to send you alone, if there had been someone else with you this probably wouldn't have happened.”

You tried to ignore the thump in your heart just hearing Jay's name provoked you. “No sarge. You have no idea of the chaos there, you’d most likely have been dealing with two injured agents instead of one, there is nothing you or anyone else could’ve done to prevent what happened. It was just bad luck that I found myself there at the very moment of a riot.”

He looked at you for a moment but didn't answer. He just nodded.

“Sarge can I ask you something?” you asked. You were in the car, en route to your home.

“Sure.”

“Jay…” you whispered, almost afraid to ask about him, “Did you hear from him?” you continued, playing with the fabric of your jeans and nervously torturing your nails. You looked down, as if you were afraid of his answer.

There was a moment of silence before Voight answered. “He just texted me four days ago to say he needed a few days off, but I haven't seen him or heard from him.”

You sighed, not knowing whether to be worried or just angry at that point. You had a whirlwind of emotions circulating inside you that you didn't even know what to listen to first. You were so mad at him for the way he was acting, for the way he walked out on you without even giving an explanation, and you were damned worried at the same time, because it wasn't like him to disappear like that.

When you got home, Voight insisted to walk you to the door and at that point you figured the guilt he was feeling must be really strong.

But when a “Surprise!” literally made you jump on spot as soon as you entered your apartment, you really understood why Voight had insisted on accompanying you. The whole team, along with Trudy, friends and other colleagues from the department were there to welcome you back.

One by one they hugged you and you couldn't hide the emotion especially because the person you most wanted to hug, unfortunately, wasn't there.

-

The following days were pure hell.

Although staying at home allowed you to rest, you began to terribly miss going to work, catching criminals, chasing them and even starting to count the days until you returned to the district.

You hated sitting and lying on the couch every day and zapping from one channel to another became unbearable.

And not hearing any news from Jay made you even more furious and angry towards the world. You found yourself checking your cell phone every minute of the day with the hope of finding a notification of a call or a text but nothing.

What if something happened to him? What if he's not okay?

These thoughts continued to haunt you and not having your mind busy during the day made these thoughts and your worry even more amplified. You were so anxious to the point that, desperate, you decided to go looking for him.

You dressed quickly and with no little effort you left the house, heading towards your car. You drove to his house but Jay wasn't there, neither was his car. You went to Molly's but he wasn't even there or in the other usual bars he used to go to.

At that point you went to his brother's house, the only person who could know where he was.

When Will opened the door he was surprised to see you there. “Oh, hi Y/N, how are you? Can I help you?”.

“Sorry for popping up unannounced Will, but have you seen Jay by any chance? I haven't heard from him in days and I'm a little worried.”

A totally surprised and confused expression came over Will's face at the same time, as if he had no idea what you were talking about. “What?”

“Will, if you know where he could be please tell me, he doesn't answer calls and messages…”

“He called me a week ago telling me he was going out of town and he needed some alone time,” Will replied. “But I thought you knew that.”

“No, he ran away shortly after I woke up in the hospital and I haven't heard from him since.”

“He usually goes to the family cabin in the woods when he doesn't want to be disturbed.”

“Can you give me the address please?”.

“Y/N…”

“Will please, I would never ask you that if I wasn’t so worried. I just need to know that he's okay,” you said, a lump in your throat as you tried not to let your emotions overwhelm you.

You avoided telling Will you would’ve most likely strangle his brother as soon as you saw him.

He looked at you for a moment, watching your features contracted in a worried expression and finally nodded. “I will text you the address.”

The car ride to this cabin would’ve been quite peaceful if it hadn't been for the incessant rain that prevented you from seeing even a meter in front of you. It took about thirty minutes to get to this cabin and you internally breathed a sigh of relief when you saw his car parked in the driveway.

“Fucking asshole,” you muttered through gritted teeth, already feeling the anger building inside you.

You parked your car behind his and got out. From your car to the cabin it was only a two minute walk but that was enough for you to get wet from head to toe, given the intense and excessive rain.

You knocked on the door of the cabin and if you hadn't been so angry, you would’ve taken the time to admire the beautiful view that surrounded the house.

Jay was lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, one leg resting on the other and his hands intertwined on his stomach when he heard a knock on the door. He was lost in his thoughts and the sound of the rain against the windows was the only thing that kept him company.

Dazed, not expecting anyone to visit, he walked to the door but when he opened it he expected everyone to be in front of him, but not a soaking wet, furious but mostly beautiful you.

His expression turned into one of pure bewilderment, so much so that he couldn't even formulate a single sentence that made sense.

“Are you fucking kidding me Jay?! Are you serious?!” you exclaimed loudly and if that cabin hadn't been the only house within miles, everyone would’ve heard you.

“Y/N…-“ he stammered, not knowing what to say, totally bewildered.

“Y/N?! That’s all you have to say?! Are you out of your fucking mind disappearing like this?! Do you have any fucking idea how much I was worried about you?!”

“I know but listen to me for a moment please…-”

“No! Like hell I'm listening to you! I don't want anything to do with you anymore!” you yelled in anger, your hands in the air and trying to ignore the pain that your injuries caused you “I can't understand how you were able to disappear like that without giving a damn about anything or anyone…-“

“Y/N, please…” he tried to speak, but in vain. He'd never seen you this angry, not once in all the years he'd known you. You were a fury.

“No, no ‘please’ Jay! You have no right to ask me please, you have no right to ask me to listen to you not after what you did! Do you remember what the fuck you told me?!”

“Of course I remember Y/N how could I not?” he replied, “But let’s go inside please, you're soaking wet and I don't want anything to happen to you.”

“Why do you care?! Do you care the slightest about me and what happens to me?! I'm not going into your fucking cabin!”

“Of course I care about you Y/N what the fuck are you saying?!” this time it was he who raised his voice.

“Great fucking way to show it you asshole,” you spat, running your hands over your wet face in frustration “You know what Jay? Fuck you, I don’t want to see you ever again.”

You began to walk away towards to your car, intending to leave. You were so angry that not even the heavy rain could distract you.

“Y/N! Wait damn it!” exclaimed Jay as he ran after you, instantly soaking himself from head to toe. “Y/N please let me talk to you!”.

“No Jay I won't let you talk! I've called you a thousand times, sent you a thousand messages and you haven't bothered to answer me not even once! Not even to know how was I! What if I was dead? Huh?” you exclaimed stopping abruptly and turning towards him. You tried to ignore how beautiful, disarming and bloody breathtaking he was even in the pouring rain, with his hair soaked, his clothes clinging to his body, water droplets falling on his face.

“I'm sorry Y/N! I know I was an asshole but there hasn't been a second I haven't thought of you believe me...”

“Believe you?! Are you serious?!” you laughed ironically “No I don't ducking believe you Jay and I can't even believe you could even say such a thing! I don’t believe a words that’s coming out of your mouth. You confessed your 'love' and ran away like a coward, when I needed you most Jay! How can I trust you?!” you nearly screamed, trying to hold off the tears that threatened to stream down your face. Some managed to escape, but they mixed with the water on your face. “Did you even think what you said?!”.

“What the hell are you saying?! How can you even think that! Of course I love you Y/N how the fuck can you doubt that!? Do you think it was that easy for me to say or admit it?! Huh?!” he exclaimed, waving his arms in the air, also getting angry.

“And where the fuck were you Jay?! Where? Where were you when I needed you? You abandoned me damn it, you don't do something like that if you love someone!” you yelled “And don't you dare try to blame me now! You're the one who ran away, you're the one who left me in a hospital bed knowing I couldn't follow you!”.

“I'm not blaming you, my god,” he sighed in frustration running his hands through his hair “Y/N can we talk for a second without yelling at each other? Please? I want to explain everything to you…”

“No,” you replied in a dry and decisive tone “I don't want to listen to you Jay, I don't care what you have to say and the fucking excuses you want to give me. I just came all the way here to see if you were okay but you seem to be doing more than perfect so I'll get out of the way.”

“Sorry Y/N! You’re right about everything! I was…”

“A fucking bastard that's what you've been!”.

“I know! I know damn it, you're fucking right!”.

You interrupted him again. “I don't care Jay! I don't believe a single word you say! I'm not going to stand here and get dumbfounded with few sweet words and get mocked by someone who pretends to profess love for I don't know what kind of reason!”

Jay looked like he'd just been stabbed in the chest—in fact, those words were more painful than any stab wound would ever be. He was silent for a few moments but that silence infuriated you even more.

“I hate you so much Jay Halstead, I'm hating you so much right now because you're a fucking bastard! Because I cried so much for you and I was so scared that something had happened to you, because I thought I could always count on you, that I could always find you next to me when I needed it most,” you cried, now completely lost of control of you “I hate you because when I was in that damn prison and that bastard was beating the crap out of me all I could think of was you! How much I love you and how I would never be able to tell you and if only you weren't ran away like a coward I would’ve told you! That I love you so much and I was fucking scared of ruining everything!”.

Jay was paralyzed as he felt every word you spoke cross his heart and enter him. His eyes never left you for a second as he scanned every inch and inch of your face, the way the water slapped the hair against your forehead, the way your brows furrowed with anger and the way where your lips moved as you spoke.

He felt like such a piece of shit.

And you were right.

You were right that anything he said would’ve been of no use at the time.

So he did the only thing he thought it was right, the only thing he'd wanted to do ever since he'd set his sights on you.

He grabbed your hips and pressed his lips to yours and for the first time since you'd arrived at that cabin silence reigned supreme again, if it hadn't been for the sound of the rain.

It was all so surreal. It looked just like the scene from a romantic movie, the classic kiss in the rain. But there was more to that kiss than romance.

With that kiss Jay tried to express all his displeasure, he tried to tell you he too loved you more than anything else in the world, he tried to apologize because you didn't deserve to suffer, especially because of him.

Your lips were even softer than he ever imagined and no matter how many times he imagined what it would be like to kiss you, the imagination was in no way comparable to what actually kissing you made him feel and he knew right then that kiss would change his life forever.

You tried to fight it but you couldn't, because even before your mind could understand what was happening, your body had already reacted to that kiss and without realizing it you were returning that kiss you so ardently desired.

Your lips moved in harmony against each other, as if you did so many times.

Your body was boiling despite the cold and shivering that wet clothes and rain gave you and, God, that moment was even better than any scene in a romantic movie.

In a moment of lucidity, however, you broke away from that kiss by placing your hands on his chest in an attempt to push him away but his hands instead continued to squeeze your hips.

“Jay no, please don't do this to me…” you begged, crying as you pounded his chest as if to push him away, even though your subconscious wanted nothing more than to be close to him. “You're an asshole...”

“Shh, it's okay, come here,” he whispered, hugging you, one arm around your shoulders and the other hand resting on the back of your neck as he stroked your wet hair. “I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry, I hate to see you cry and know that I hurt you.”

You cried on his chest and it was absurd how the person who was causing your discomfort was the same one who was hugging you and whispering sweet words.

He broke away from that hug shortly after but his hands cupped your face, so that you were forced to look him in the eyes.

“I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry,” he started to speak “You didn't deserve this, especially at a time like this where you were vulnerable and needed me. But I was so scared Y/N. I got overwhelmed by the emotions of the moment, by the fear I had of losing you and never seeing you again. As soon as you woke up I let my heart speak for me but then I realized it was hasty and selfish of me, that you didn't deserve me to tell you I love you on a goddamn hospital bed and the thought that I could’ve destroyed the relationship between me and you, which is the best thing that has ever happened to me, drove me out of my mind and I panicked… The fact that you couldn't feel the same threw me into such a spiral of fear I didn't dare to even look at you because I knew I would be crushed to hear you say you didn't feel the way I do...”

His thumbs continued to caress your cheeks, as he felt tears streaming down his face. “I know all of this probably doesn't even make sense but please don't ever doubt what I've said to you because Y/N… I swear… No one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel and I love you in a way I never even imagined I could love someone. I know I was a piece of shit for leaving you alone in such a delicate moment, when you needed my support and I will never forgive myself for that. I've been a coward and there's no excuse for how I've acted towards you, you have every reason to be mad at me but please, please, you have to believe me when I tell you that I love you, that you make me feel things I’ve never felt before...”

You remained silent, not knowing what to say. You kept looking at him, your eyes alternating between his bright green eyes. You couldn't stop the tears and in that moment you thanked the presence of the rain.

“Please say something,” he whispered, his stomach twisting with anxiety. He had probably ruined the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to him, and he would never forgive himself for it. He understood even just from your look what you were thinking: you didn't believe him and how could he blame you, he had been a real coward.

“I…I have to go Jay,” was all you said, taking steps backwards. You stood there for a few seconds looking at each other. A sad and pained expression was painted on Jay’s face and it broke your heart seeing him like that. But you needed to be stronger, where was him when you were crying for him? Damn it, he didn’t even bother to ask if you were discharged from the hospital or not, if you were okay, if you were home or not, why would you believe him? What guaranteed you at the next hitch he wouldn't run away again?

“Y/N…” he whispered your name in a prayer as you slowly continued to back away. You wanted to go, you desperately needed to, but it was so damn hard, you couldn't walk away in cold blood like he had and you knew that broken look on his face would haunt you forever.

“No Jay, I can't. I can't believe you, I really can't. You are so good with words, messing me up and leaving me there without even an explanation, without even waiting for what I had to say, you thought what you wanted to think and now these are the consequences. Who guarantees me that next time I’ll need you, you won't run away again?” you cried.

“Y/N I swear I will do anything to make it up to you, I’ll prove how much you mean to me, how much I love you…”

“I don't care Jay,” you cut him off. Your gaze moved for a second to your muddy shoes and you took a deep breath to try to regain control of yourself, ignoring the intercostal pain that crossed you, “I'm leaving now. I’m happy to see you’re okay. Goodbye.”

And that was how you walked away, never looking back, because you knew if you did and you saw Jay cry as he tried to stop you, you wouldn't be able to do it and you probably would’ve fallen for it.

He stood there for quite some time after he watched your car pull out of his driveway cursing himself for probably forever pushing away the only person who knew him most, who had always stood by him, even when everyone turned their back on him.

He knew he ruined the best thing that has ever happened to him, you.

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