#really fucking happy about that metal print lol it looks so good and i got the first one ever!!!! aaaa

[literupture]

I went to my first convention ever and we got to meet Todd Haberkorn!!

He signed my Drifter ducky and I bought a neat metal print that he just released/debuted this weekend, and I happened to be the first to buy it! He even numbered it with a #1! :3c

(got a pic with him too but ehh i might make a separate post for that later)

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

Okay so I got a few for that ask thing: flower/plant? Makeup item? Fashion icon? Guilty pleasure music?

oh shit

Flower / Plant: I'm basic and I just love me some ferns!! one of my favorite things about being in the PNW was just ferns, ferns everywhere. Ferns didn't really grow that much in the Chicago suburbs where I grew up but I remember, somehow, under the bushes on the front of my childhood home, little ferns would always grow there, and I would take pains to not mow them on accident when I would mow the lawn. It was like a little special place, dark but not too dark, wet but not too wet, that they could grow, and they still make me really happy. love the little guys.

Makeup Item: If we're going just category of thing, it's black eyeshadow. I don't think I've ever done an eye makeup look that doesn't include black eyeshadow, and with just that and some brushes you can do a great smokey eye, nothing else required. if I can be a Capitalist Shill for a second, it's UD's eye primer potion. It has spoiled me to the point that if I try to do eyeshadow without using it first, it feels totally messed up and weird. Just magic stuff honestly, especially for someone like me with really deep-set eyes and a big problem with getting creases in my eyeshadow because of that.

Fashion Icon: uhhhh fuck lol, it's hard to think of like. One person? I can think of designers or general "styles", like. I LOVE Alexander McQueen's work, it's so striking and dramatic, and his label when it was under his direction almost never missed. Other than that in more of the Icon vein uhhh Charli XCX, Josefine Jonsson's latex photography (have multiple prints from her in my house lol), everything J. Lo wears in The Cell, Razor Candi, the entire cast of Alien 3, the things Killstar puts out that aren't dumb as hell, uh. honestly Jean Hollywood's whole ~techwear femboy~ look is so good rn too. like,

that's a vibe.

Guilty Pleasure Music: Ok I'm gonna have a fun answer and a not fun answer. Let's go not fun first and end with a pick me up: my not fun answer is music made by legit horrible people. Red House Painters, Throbbing Gristle (i go back and forth on this a LOT, as Genesis doesn't deserve to taint the work everyone else did in that, but. yeah. idk. moving on!), the album Suicidal Emotions by Abyssic Hate, which is some of the best DSBM I've ever heard, and has nothing to do with NSBM, but I found out years after falling in love with just that one album that his earlier stuff is straight up Nazi shit. That's the stuff I actually feel guilty about a bit listening to.

Here's the more fun answer!: Bro metal. I mean that less as a genre category and more of a Type of Guy category, like the Hot Couch Guy. Bro metal is like, Lamb of God, Tool, Slayer, Nile. I can't explain any better than that, it's a vibe, like, the kind of guy who has a shaved head and would get mad at girls being at Ozzfest kind of guy. All he owns are long sleeve metal t-shirts. That guy. I fuck with that hard.

Bonus answer: Robbin' the Hood by Sublime. I cannot fucking stand their other two albums, but Robbin' the Hood is such a messy, barely coherent garbage can of a record that I really, really like it. Like, hey, let's throw half-assed dub versions of random songs together with samples of a mentally ill homeless guy we know and covers of songs we half-remember into a kind of ska punk sound collage...thing. really weird, which is why i can get down with it.

[yikesharringrove]

Show Pony

Chapter 2: Legends Never Die

Read on Ao3

-

Billy was watching porn when Steve texted.

He’s never clicked out of a video so fucking fast in his life.

The message just read hey, this is steve :) which like, of course, the fucker uses little emoticons. Of course , he types out little smiley faces. It’s so dumb. It’s so cute.

And Billy just stared at it. One hand still on his dick, the other hovering over the keyboard.

What the fuck does he reply?

Obviously, Steve knows it’s Billy. Like. Duh.

So he just tapped out a little Hey.

Steve texted back almost immediately.

you have a good day? Billy found himself grinning maniacally, so he rolled over to hold his pillow close to his chest, burying his chin into it. He didn’t wanna deal with the fact that this stupid adorable cowboy was making him smile and flush. Stupid.

Yeah, it was nice. Way too hot, but nice.

lol try wearing jeans in that heat. sweatin through my damn saddle. Billy laughed into his pillow.

Jesus, you’re such a fuckin hick. Billy bit his tongue when he pressed send.

And Steve just sent back >:(. And God. He’s so cute. Billy. Hates him.

And then Billy’s phone buzzed twice, another brand new text from Steve.

One that made Billy’s heart fucking stop.

i have the day off tomorrow. no tiedown on the schedule. you should come by and we could hang

Which sounded like. A date. It sounded like a fucking date. And Billy wanted to ask. If Steve’s invitation was for a goddamn date.

But like, he can’t just ask. Can he? Is that weird? Okay, maybe he’ll just-

Should I bring Max?

Right? Like if Steve says to bring his little sister, then there’s no way it’s a date. Because, who would want their date to bring their little sister? People who are just hanging out as friends, that’s who.

was hoping it'd just be you and me

And hoo boy. Hoo boy. That’s. That’s a fucking. That’s a date.

Then yeah. Just you and me.

And Steve sent him another little :) because the fucker loves his emoticon smiley faces. They’re not even, like, actual emojis. Steve doesn’t take the time to use fucking apostrophes, but he does type out little faces.

And maybe Billy’s spending too much time thinking about the smiley little shits.

But, like. It’s just. It’s Steve. And it’s a cute fucking thing that Steve does.

Billy’s pretty much obsessed with him by now.

And maybe Billy should ask for, like, a time to meet. But he was halfway through a video and his cock’s still hard and kinda starting to ache, pressed against the mattress where it was. He rolled over, slid his hand back into his shorts, and wrapped his fingers around the base of himself.

So it’s easy just to, slide it up. Run his fingers along his length. Pretend his rough hand is Steve’s rough hand. Pretend the tight vice grip is Steve’s mouth. Hot and slick around him.

He could picture Steve, on his knees in the dirt, those tight fucking jeans beginning to stain at the knees, those big pretty eyes looking at him so reverently, so softly.

And he came all over his hand, pictured those pink pretty lips covered with cum. Imagined scooping it on his fingers, pressing them into Steve’s mouth, making him lick them clean.

It wasn’t even the most depraved fantasy Billy’s ever had. But it was for sure in his top five best orgasms. No doubt about it.

He wiped his hand on the sheets, turning onto his side, staring at the short little conversation with Steve.

Thinking about their fucking date tomorrow.

Max was on his ass the second he woke up.

She cornered him as he was coming out of the bathroom, making him startle and nearly smack her.

“The fuck you doing out here, Shitbrid?”

“What are we doing today?”

“ We aren’t doing shit all. I will be heading out. Soon.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, jutting her jaw in a way he absolutely knows she learned from him.

“Are you going to the rodeo?” she hissed through her teeth at him. “Are you going to see-”

“That’s none ‘a your fuckin’ business.” He pushed past her, lumbering down the hall, almost making it into his bedroom before she slipped inside with him, slapping his elbow and kicking the door closed.

“Are you going on a date ?”

Billy glared at her. He clenched his jaw, speaking through gritted teeth.

“Pretty sure we agreed not to fucking talk about this shit here.”

She pursed her lips, shifting her jaw.

“Just nod or shake your head.”

Billy kept his head very still.

She kicked him once in the shin before stomping out of his room, nearly slamming the door, catching it at the last minute, and closing it quietly.

Neil didn’t approve of doors slamming in his house.

It was rule number. Three probably. First rule was don’t be a smartass. Second rule was don’t be Billy. That was kind of an unspoken rule. But it was there.

And Billy was faced with his newest dilemma.

What does he wear?

Because it’s gonna be another hot fucking day, and his typical date outfits have more, more.

He’s got one clean pair of cut-offs left. Okay. Yes. And he puts on a printed button-up shirt. Leaves it almost all the way unbuttoned, because, like, of course, he does. He’s got a good body. He wants Steve to see it.

He’ll be mostly cool, and he looks better than he did last time he saw Steve.

Black Converse complete the look, and he maybe spends more time than he usually would putting his hair into a ponytail, using one of Max’s bright scrunchies.

She’ll get pissed if she notices it but. Whatever. He steals them from her all the fucking time.

He hasn’t looked at his phone all morning, figured he could head over to the rodeo, and whenever Steve texted, he’d play it cool and act like he wasn’t already there.

But, cowboy hick Steve was obviously an early riser. As the most recent text Billy has is from that cowboy hick Steve. At six. In the morning.

you wanna meet up around ten?

It was currently just past nine.

Does Billy head up there now and wander around the grounds for a bit?

Yes. Yes, he does. Because frankly, he looks gay as fuck in this outfit and he should probably dip before his dad sees.

He sends Steve a thumbs up and the three dots show up almost immediately, showing Steve typing.

you got a car right? can you pick me up outside of the parking lot? i gotta get outta here

And Fuck. Billy knows that feeling.

No problem. You wanna get breakfast? I know a good diner if you’re into that kinda thing.

hell yeah im into that :)

Ah, yes. There was that little happy face just in time to give Billy lots of nice heart palpitations.

Great. That’s what he needs. To get sappy and gross over Steve’s emoticons. Again.

He slipped out of his house without interference, taking a lap around the block just to kill time before setting off to the fairgrounds.

He was trying to make his car look presentable, shoving the few gum wrappers Max left by the gear shift into his pocket, brushing off any stray cigarette ash with one of the baby wipes in the glove box.

And by the time he reached the fairgrounds, he saw Steve skulking along the front of the parking lot, hopping over cracks in the sidewalk like the cutest little bunny.

It was the most adorable thing in the fucking world.

Billy pulled up next to him, blaring the horn and watching Steve startle at the sound.

He was wearing cut-off denim shorts like Billy’s, and a goddamn crop top. It had the silhouette of a horse on its hind legs, its mane flowing in the wind behind it, and Harrington American Rodeo brandished across his chest. It was cut just at his waistline, where his body nipped in right above his hips.

Steve smiled his pretty smile at Billy, just about skipping around the front of the car to slide into the passenger seat.

And Billy tried not to think about how fucking good Steve looked in the passenger seat of his car, those long fucking legs all on display, his thighs, thick and pale, covered in dark hair.

“Hi,” Steve was leaning with one elbow on the center console, putting himself in Billy’s space, and Billy was thankful for his dark aviator sunglasses, as his eyes went wide and probably panicked with Steve moving in so close.

Because if Steve was leaning in to kiss him, that kinda feels like a lot. And Billy’s not a prude, not by any means but he's, he’s got lines, and rules, and-

Steve just knocked his head into Billy’s shoulder, leaning back to buckle his seatbelt, like headbutting Billy’s shoulder was casual and normal.

And fuck.

Billy’s in so deep for this guy he barely fucking knows.

All he could do was push the car forward, and will away the flush on his cheeks. And pretend like he hadn’t jerked off to the person sitting next to him less than twelve hours ago.

“So. Billy. Tell me about yourself.” Steve shifted in his seat, turning to look right at Billy. “All I know is that you’ve got a kid sister, a cool car, and that you’re really hot.”

Billy smirked, turning to look at Steve over his glasses, found Steve biting his bottom lip demurely.

“Well, there’s not much else to know .”

“Oh, come on. Where are you from? How old are you? Shit, probably shoulda asked that sooner. Please, tell me you’re not fifteen or something.”

“I’m literally driving, right now. And relax, Pretty Boy. I’m eighteen next month.”

“Okay. Okay, good. I’m eighteen, by the way. Just so you know, that I’m not fifteen.” Billy shook his head, rolling his eyes with a smile. “But I still want answers to the other questions.”

“Well, I’m from here. Born and raised in San Diego. Uh, I graduated high school in May. And I work at the diner I’m about to take you to, which might be the lamest shit in the world, but they have good pancakes.”

“I like pancakes.” Steve was fiddling with some of the knobs in the car, turning the air conditioner up and down. Billy was just resisting slapping his hand away.

And then he reached for the volume knob on the radio, turning up the Ratt Billy had playing, and audibly scoffed.

“God, I should’ve known you liked this .”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“Just, you know. Sex charged drug-fueled hair metal.”

“Oh my God. What in the fuck ?” He gave Steve as incredulous a look as he could muster. “Are you a housewife from the fifties?”

Steve gave one of his excellent bright laughs at Billy, and Billy’s gut got a little bit gay and a little bit fluttery.

“Alright, Stevie. I’ll bite. What kinda music are you into? And if you say country I’m blowing my fuckin’ brains out.”

“Well, unfortunate then because, yeah. Fuckin’ country, man. Although, I prefer folk.”

“See, you call my music sex-charged and drug-fueled, at least I’m not listening to posers rant about their tractors.”

“Oh, no. I hate that shit as much as you do. I mean like, Johnny Cash. Willie Nelson, you know? Emmylou Harris, Marty Robbins, Miss Dolly. The good stuff. There’s like, a few modern artists that are doing the same kinda thing that I like. It’s all just stories and good music.”

“That’s all my music is. Stories set to music. And, you say my shit is drug-fueled, you do know that Willie Nelson is famous for being a stoner? And that Johnny Cash publicly dealt with addiction and all that?”

“Well, yeah, but they’ve got class.”

“Okay, Cowboy. I’ll let you die on that fuckin’ hill while I party it up on mine to some eighties metal.”

And Steve reached out to shove Billy lightly, laughing while he did it.

“Agree to fucking disagree then. Just take me to pancakes and don’t try to reason with me about shitty music.”

“Then change the subject. Tell me other things about you besides your terrible music taste.”

Steve leaned back in his seat, blowing out a puff of air.

“Uh, I mean. Jeez. I don’t do much besides the rodeo, you know? Just movin’ all over the country.”

“That must be. Exhausting.”

Steve reached out to brush his fingers against the dashboard mindlessly.

“It’s not so bad. I try to make friends in the towns, you know? Makes it kinda fun.”

“Where were you born?”

“Indiana. Really small town. My mom and I stayed there for three years while my father traveled around. I’ve been on the road since.”

“Holy shit. Since you were three? Did you, like, go to school?”

“No. Uh, I actually have a tutor that’s on the road with us, and I’m. You know. Supposed to get my high school diploma soon. I’m behind schedule since,” he waved his hand flippantly. He was staring at his lap, playing with the frayed hem of his shorts. And Billy was grasping for another subject as Steve’s cheeks went red. Because obviously school, had struck a nerve.

“What kinda horse is June?”

“She’s an American quarter horse. That’s the usual type for most rodeo events. They’re good ranch horses because they’re a little more compact. I’ve been with June for five years now, and she’s a beast. I’ve got two others with me, on rotation so that none of them get too tired doing the shows over and over. June, Patsy, and Loretta. They’re all quarter horses, and each one is only about fourteen and a half hands tall. I like my horses a bit smaller for tie-down.”

“I understood, honestly, like, nothing of what you just said.”

Steve tossed his head back, laughing loudly over the radio at Billy’s confusion.

He laughed a lot.

Billy liked it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll teach you rodeo slang. You’ll be a natural,” Steve said, reaching out to where Billy’s right hand was resting on the gearshift, wrapping his finger’s around Billy’s wrist.

“What about their names?”

“All ladies of country. Loretta Lynn, Patsy Cline, and June Carter. Carter-Cash, I guess. She married Johnny but had a career in her own right.”

“Jesus, you’re a fuckin’ hick.”

“You’ve said that before. Just because I’m in the rodeo-”

“No, it’s because you’re in the rodeo, and listen to country music, and wear fucking cowboy boots -”

“They are literally made for riding horses, okay? That’s why they were invented .”

Billy rolled his eyes again, but he was smiling brightly as he pulled into the diner parking lot.

It wasn’t too busy for a Sunday morning. Billy bets it’ll pick up in an hour or so for the brunch crowd.

He began working at the diner three years ago, bussing tables and washing dishes, getting paid under the table because technically, he was too young to work. He was a server now, usually taking the evening dinner shifts to miss that time when his dad was home from work.

The bell jingled above their heads as Billy held the door open for Steve, and Billy stuck his tongue out at the kitchen staff, leaning over the counter to swipe a few menus from the stack.

He led Steve to a booth in the back corner, waving at Lorraine, the older woman who was working their section, gesturing to the booth for Steve to take a seat.

“Wow. You’ve totally got this place on lock.”

Billy grinned at him, leaning against the wall to stretch his legs up on the booth next to him.

“I’ve worked here a few years. Kinda done all the staff positions. It’s a nice place.”

“Well, then what do you recommend?” Steve carefully opened the laminated menu, his big eyes flicking over the pictures on the side of every dish.

“Pancakes are good, so are the waffles though, if you’re into that. I like the full breakfast. Eggs, bacon or sausage, hash browns, pancakes, or toast. Kinda the best of everything.”

Steve snapped his menu shut, smiling softly at Billy.

“I’m trusting you with my breakfast here. It better be good .”

Lorraine approached their table, already pouring Billy a cup of coffee and sliding it to him along the table.

“You really love us that much you find your way in here on your day off?”

“Only you, Lorraine. Everybody else can fuck off for all I care.”

She shook her head, rolling her eyes at Billy.

“You want the usual cook-up?”

“Yes, please.”

She took his unopened menu, turning and smiling brightly at Steve.

“What can I get for you, Darling.”

Steve’s eyes were wide when he looked up at her, his cheeks starting to flush.

“Uh, just, the same as Billy, please.”

“You want a coffee?”

“No, Ma’am. Just a water for me please.” He handed his menu back, giving her a bright smile, his cheeks a soft rosy red.

Lorraine winked at Billy, nodding her head once in Steve’s general direction. Billy waved her off before she could say something embarrassing.

“Sorry, I get kinda weird sometimes.” Steve had pulled a napkin out of the dispenser on their table and was looking down at it, tearing off little chunks and rolling them into balls.

“That’s okay. Lorraine gets it. Plus, you were polite, and that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t be caught dead with you if you were an ass to servers.”

“Oh, God. My dad is such an ass when it comes to, really any staff. Like, servers, or, frankly, most of the people that work for him. Don’t even get me started on the animal carers. I mean, that’s probably the most important job at the whole rodeo, and he’s been trying to dock pay left, right, and fucking center.” Steve rolled his big eyes, huffing like Max.

“Wait, so your dad is like, the head of the whole operation?”

“My name is Steve Harrington,” and Steve pointed at his shirt, the name Harrington emblazoned over the horse.

“Oh damn. I thought that name was familiar when I saw the shirt. Figured I had just seen the rodeo name or something.”

“Nope. That’s me. A whole Harrington. My great-grandpa started the rodeo. He was, like, an actual ranch hand. Started one in the town we’re from. My grandpa was the one who got the idea to take it on the road. My dad came up through it like I did. He was in steer roping. And basically, his end goal is that I start running the whole show in a few years. Take over for him.”

“And, you don’t want to?”

“Nah. I don’t really have a brain for business. Don’t have a brain for much other than riding and tie-down, honestly. Don’t know the first thing about how to run a traveling rodeo.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Steve smiled at him, but his eyes seemed sad, and his smile was tight.

“You got plans for next year? College or anything?”

“Nah. I think college is, on the horizon, but I’m taking a gap year. Saving up to move out and pay for school and everything. Probably gonna go to community college to save some money. And then maybe grad school?”

“That’s smart, you know? Finding ways to save up. My dad is debating pushing college on me. Like, if I do run the business, there’s some shit I should know going into it, right? But I think he also sees that I’m way too dumb for college, and, like, I don’t need a degree to get hired. I’ll just,” Steve made an upwards sweeping gesture with his right hand. A gesture that Billy understood to vaguely mean nepotism.

“What would you rather do? If not run the thing.”

“I like tie-down, and I could feasibly do it for a long time. I could branch into other events, too, like steer roping and all that. Same idea as calf roping but a different animal. Literally. It’s a steer. But I’d be content just doing the events until I croak. I have absolutely no desire to rise through the ranks, or whatever.” Steve rolled his eyes, balling up the little napkin wads he had made into another napkin from the dispenser. Billy appreciated it. He’s had to clean up crap like that from this very floor. “I just love being around the rodeo. The animals and all the people. I don’t really wanna be anywhere else.”

“At least you have something you love. Like, you’d be happy to do that for the rest of your life, and not in an I’ve got nothing better to do way, but in an, I’m passionate about this way. A lot of people don’t really. Get that.” Billy included.

It’s not that he doesn’t have passions, it’s just that they’re not necessarily sustainable to him.

He knows he’s dangling by a thread with his father. Knows after his eighteenth birthday, he should be ready to be kicked out or asked to pay rent at any time. He needs a career that’ll get him some fucking money if he wants to get out and cut off his dad entirely. He can’t be forced to go crawling back to him because he wanted to self-publish his gay ass poetry that never took off or drum in a rock band that went nowhere.

To name a few.

“Yeah, I mean. Sometimes I think that I probably would’ve never set foot in a rodeo if I wasn’t literally born into one, so I kinda wonder who I’d be if this wasn’t everything I knew, but I still really love doing it, and it’s something that I’m actually good at, which speaks volumes.”

They were interrupted by Lorraine returning, placing two identical plates in front of them, a glass of water for Steve, and pulling hot sauce and ketchup out of her apron pocket.

“You two let me know if you need anything else.”

Steve beamed at her, thanking her softly and Billy’s heart fluttered like a stupid idiot.

They tucked in, Steve shoving food into his mouth until his cheeks were bulging, chewing aggressively. It made Billy laugh and nearly spew coffee all over the table.

“I figured you’d have better manners, being the heir to a rodeo dynasty or whatever.”

Steve pulled a face, showing Billy the chewed-up food in his mouth.

“How’s that for manners?”

It was actually fucking funny watching him try to swallow everything stuffed in his mouth.

“It’s borderline painful watching you eat.”

Billy laughed as Steve flicked a piece of scrambled egg at him. It landed on his shoulder. Billy slurped it right off his shirt.

“See! Now, who's the one with no table manners?”

“Still you, Sugar. Still you.”

Breakfast was, like, actually fun.

Not that Billy was expecting it to be shitty, but he wasn’t expecting it to be as carefree, as easy, as it was. He and Steve just, kinda, clicked.

Steve was easy to talk to. He was easy to listen to, easy to laugh with, and even easier to look at.

He’s kinda, everything Billy has ever wanted in a person.

He slid his hand into Billy’s as they were leaving the diner, smiling shyly at Billy when he looked over at him.

And Billy stopped in his tracks, right there in broad daylight, tugging Steve by his hand closer to Billy’s body, sliding his hands up his arms, feeling over Steve’s shoulders, and down his back to settle on his hips. Steve wrapped both arms around Billy’s shoulders, leaning closer to him, almost pressing his whole body against Billy’s.

And it was easy. Kissing Steve was just as easy as talking to him, as laughing with him, as looking at him. It was simple and nice and made Billy feel something he really didn’t want to put too much thought into.

Something that was decidedly not easy.

They pulled away from one another, both their lips red and slick.

Billy opened the passenger door, and Steve folded himself into the seat with a ridiculous amount of grace.

And as Billy drove them aimlessly through the city, he tried not to think of the expiration date on this whole thing, on the dates listed on the back of Steve’s t-shirt.

They’ve got a little under a month together.

And Billy was determined to make that the best goddamn month of both of their natural lives.

[goldeneyedgirl]

TwiFicMas2020 Day 1: Anathema

It’s that time of year again - when I bombard you with fic I’ve written over the year and haven’t posted, whether it is an outtake, part of a WIP, or something that ended up going sideways but still had some cool bits I was proud of. 

Everything will be tracked under the ‘TwiFicMas2020′ and ‘FicMas2020′ tags. Most fics are incomplete scenes - “--” is a scene break, “//” means that there’s a cut - it’s probably not yet written. 

--

First up is Anathema, the fourth or fifth attempt at the ‘Alice works in a mortuary/funeral home’ idea that refuses to solidify itself - though I think I’m getting closer. I enjoy the idea that Charlie Swan is in on Forks’ secrets (before Jacob strips in front of him, lol) and I am always here for the supernatural world being more than just vampires and shifters. 

I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading!

The day the Cullens arrive in Forks, two things happen.

The first, I draw both Death, and the Wheel of Fortune. A combination that, frankly, sounds time-consuming. I lie in bed and contemplate them for awhile. The cards are soft, from lifetimes of passing from hand to hand (my dearest and most beloved Great-Aunt Jeanne passed this set to me when she died. At the time, I was too young to understand the true gift in cards that had never before been touched by Brandon hands - before mine.) The cards are illustrated so carefully, so detailed. They smell like dried lavender and the scrap of linen that I wrap them in, and there is something so reassuring about each and every card.

I draw my cards every few days before I get up. I find it calming, the shuffle of them against my fingers, as I let my dreams fade. It’s a quiet time, and one I savour.

Eventually, I do have to get up, though. No rest for the wicked. The cards go back into the wooden jewellery box some young man carved for some young woman in Jeanie’s family long before I was even a glimpse of a thought, and back into my nightstand drawer.

I - we - live on the first floor of the Brandon Funeral Home, a perfectly respectable converted Georgian house at the end of Main Street, where it sweeps around to Cedar Road. It’s a shit place to have a corner, and more than once speed racers have spun out; whoever’s scraped off the road and our front walk usually end up in the freezers in the basement.

But I digress.

Breakfast is mundane. Dulcie is there, hair in curlers, and a frown on her face when she realises I am not dressed. I sit crosslegged across two thrift-store chairs in my camisole and booty shorts, spooning jam onto toast with the precision of a good scientist and ignore her reminding me of my dressing gown (a sturdy pink-flower print flannel that is buried in my closet. My preferred robe, a thin grey kimono, is currently in my laundry pile) and ‘common decency’, as if my elderly great-uncle is looking to leer at the decided lack of anything I have up north or down south.

Dulcie is… Dulcie. No replacement for Aunt Jeanie, but a good woman. I find it funny that Uncle Freddie is an old man now, and he still reels ‘em in. Or he would if Jeanie’s death hadn’t broken, shattered, and wrecked him. Dulcie worked for us for a few years before she set her eyes on the top bedroom and changing ‘Dulcie Dunn-Stanley’ to ‘Dulcie Brandon’.

Oh, that sounds very jaded. It’s mutual, Freddie and Dulcie. Their courtship was glacial and it’s really only recently that Dulcie’s been hinting about heading to the court house. And, honestly, whatever makes Uncle Freddie happy. Dulcie’s kind to me, we mostly get along, and her attempts to mother me are so far inconsistent - but she is usually pretty respectful.

My uncle lingers over his food; he’s got a new book open at his elbow, and no one can pry my uncle away from his books. They’re usually hardcover, non-fiction. Most of the boxes stored in the third floor are my uncles books.

After breakfast, I am banished to get dressed for work, which is in the basement today, where I am to be the hands as we prepare one Lewis Fletcher for his Saturday morning funeral. There’s a sack of bagged organs resting in the chest cavity, from the autopsy (elk or deer attack, the report says), and I get to stitch Lewis back together, get to fill him full of chemicals, seal things with putty, and get to face painting. The Fletchers are a pretty ordinary family locally, and the service will be simple - they were very agreeable when Freddie met with them last week.

I put my music on and hum as I prepare my kit. It’s no secret that an unqualified teenage girl doing this work probably breaks a lot of laws, but Freddie’s hands aren’t as steady as they used to be, and he’s old enough to remember when a family business meant that the younger generation was trained by the older at home, no degrees or certifications necessary.

Sometimes I wonder what Jeanie would have thought, me working down here like this. Would she have understood? Would she have been mad or upset or disappointed?

We’ll never know.

Freddie fetches us both a cup of tea, and hovers at my shoulder as I piece together Mr Fletcher’s chest cavity.

“Smaller stitches, Alice,” Freddie says, inspecting my work carefully. “Redo that section, stitch closer together, and small stitches.”

I nod, turning around to grab a scalpel from the tray beside me to cut the wonky stitches free and start again, and I freeze as the ice-cold feeling envelopes me. No, no, no it’s been so long…

For a moment, I am unfixed in time and space. I am still in the basement, with the buzzing fluorescent lights, and smooth metal drawers and cupboards, the stink of formaldehyde. But instead of a clean, bare second table, I am lying there. But I’m not dead, and I’m not alone. It’s him. The boy - man? - I’ve been seeing for so long, in visions and dreams. He’s hovering above me, a veritable sculpture of pale flesh as he peels off his shirt, our mouths still fused together, my hands gripping his hips. I am a much less collected figure, with my tights around my knees, one shoe still on and my shirt hiked up over my bra. Vision-Me pulls away to say something, and He laughs, and it’s then the light catches his eyes. Dark gold.

Golden-eyes.

“Oh fuck,” Real-Me says, and somehow Vision-Him knows I’m Seeing and looks right at me, where I’m standing with a scalpel in my hand.

“Alice?” My uncle’s hand on my shoulders brings me right back to the right point in time and space.

It’s at the point I hit the floor, manage to stab myself quite viciously with the scalpel and my uncle starts cussing.

It’s been a while between visions.

//

The Council was basically the reason Freddie and I stayed in Forks. It was a fifty-fifty split between honouring Jeanie’s wishes, and keeping me safe and out of sight - as if my aspirations were towards a Vegas nightclub act or international pop star. I wasn’t entirely clueless.  

Forks was built in a special place. A place where the barriers between the ordinary and the extraordinary were a little thinner, where the supernatural were drawn to. Jeanie had theorised that was why the Quileute were able to tap into their spirit wolves so easily, and why the gene remained so strong, father to son without a constant presence of their enemies. I didn’t know enough of their history to have an opinion, but Forks was definitely a place with an interesting history that very few people knew - even I only knew a fraction of everything that happened, past and present. There were very few written accounts; most of the histories were oral and passed down on a strict need-to-know basis.

The Council were definitely in the know, and had been for generations. There was Billy Black, Sue and Harry Clearwater representing the Quileute tribe, there was Charlie Swan representing Forks and everyone not in the know, and there was Freddie and I. Freddie, was technically Jeanie’s representative, and was the Mediator between the Ordinary and the Others. Jeanie’s family had been Mediators for generations, but she’d never had children, so all of that had somehow fallen onto Freddie - and me.

It was extremely useful to have the Police Chief and a Mortician working the Council - we’d had to fudge more than a few deaths. There was always someone or something passing through the Olympic Peninsula, and we’d negotiated, challenged, threatened, and banished more than a few creatures over the last few years.

Technically, all parties were allowed to bring their apprentice representative, but I was the only one of the next generation who attended. Charlie Swan had made it clear he didn’t want his daughter involved in any of this, and both Billy and the Clearwaters had decided that their kids were too young to know exactly what went on around here. I figured in a decade or so, it would just be me, Seth, and Jacob Black (no way would Leah hang around just for this shit show), drinking beer in the woods and deciding whether to burn or bury.

But tonight’s meeting was Special. Despite the fact I’d been drawing nonsensical cards for days now - the Star, the Tower, and Justice - no visions had appeared beyond a dream about a locket with ‘W’ engraved on it. I’d expected a fairly normal meeting, until Freddie had let me in on the plan - we were, apparently, meeting with the Cullen family. No one had informed me exactly what or who the Cullens were, only that they had a ‘fourth seat’ in the Council that they’d been entitled to since the ‘30s. I’d have to go through Jeanie’s diaries again - there were boxes of them in storage, and Jeanie had useful tidbits dotted throughout.

So that was why I was in the forest with my grandfather, shivering underneath two coats and in my new fleecy boots, standing around a fire pit that didn’t really do much more than illuminate the burning wood; the lanterns we’d brought were more effective.

Some days I really wished Leah or Seth or Jacob Black would attend these meetings; they’d certainly liven up these meetings a bit.

“They’ll be here soon,” Billy Black said grimly. Billy Black had it worse than the rest of us - getting out to this part of the forest was awkward and time-consuming with his wheelchair. Since these meetings were clandestine, we couldn’t build a proper track.

“The terms are staying the same?” Charlie asked, sipping from a paper cup of coffee Sue had pressed on him.

Billy frowned. “We aren’t here to renegotiate, but we will listen to their petition if they have one,” he said finally.

“What are the existing terms?” I asked, nudging a mossy rock with my toe.

“We’ll go over that later on, Alice,” Freddie said, watching the woods carefully.

Fine, obstruct my completely transparent attempt at finding out what was actually going on. I was definitely intrigued by the idea this clan had a ‘seat’ at the Council, but it involve negotiations? The only creature I could think of that would fit that kind of profile would be some kind of shifter.

I was bored.

And then the mysterious Cullens arrived.

They came out of the woods like a mist; slowly but all at once. They kept a respectful distance away from the fire pit, clad in pristine new clothing that was a touch too light for the cold weather but was good quality. There were three of them - a blond man, a brunette woman, and a red-haired boy - all three of them taller than average, and pale as snow. And they were lovely, as if Grecian statues had climbed down from their plinth and wandered off.

“Hello,” the man said, nodding at us politely. “Thank you for welcoming us to this meeting.”

“You’ve a right to be here, as outlined in the treaty,” Billy Black said sternly. “This is the current Council - Charlie Swan for Forks. My self, Billy Black, and Harry and Sue Clearwater for the Quileute tribe. Fred Brandon as Mediator. Carlisle Cullen for the Cullen Coven.”

Coven meant vampires. That dampened my spirits a little; my history with vampires was messy. Plus the few vampires that had ventured into this area had been unpleasant experiences. But as I stared at the Cullen coven, I noticed their eyes.

Golden, like liquid light.

Was He one of them? Was the Cullen coven only these three, or where there more?

“And the young lady?” Carlisle Cullen said, looking in my direction.

“My niece,” Freddie said in a no-nonsense tone. “Shall we begin?”

“I assume Ursula Altis has since passed? My condolences to her family,” Carlisle Cullen said. “I had a great respect for Ursula.”

“Yes. Ursula’s apprentice passed on several years ago, and she named Fred and Alice as her successors,” Harry said.

“I am sorry for your loss,” Carlisle Cullen nodded at Freddie and I. I half-smiled back at him. Jeanie had been gone a long time but I still missed her.

“This is my wife, Esme, and my oldest son Edward,” Carlisle gestured to his two companions.

“Oldest son?” Charlie Swan said sharply.

“Yes - I have three others, but we did not want to overwhelm you,” Carlisle said. “They are here, if you would like to meet them?”

“Yes. We want to know the entirety of your coven,” Harry said bluntly.

Carlisle grimaced and nodded. “Of course. My other children - Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper.”

Three more Cullens materialised from behind Carlisle Cullen - a tall blonde girl who was utterly breathtaking to look at, had a displeased expression, and was wearing the genuine designer version of my knock-off winter coat. The second was a bear of a man, with the friendliest face, and curly black hair, who winked at me as he wrapped an arm around the blonde girl’s shoulders.

And then a lanky blond boy with a dark expression and wavy blond hair, who hovered in the shadows, his features mostly obscured. All of them had the same golden eyes, the same pallor and dark under-eye circles. But they didn’t look or behave like other nomads that had passed through. They looked… like a nice family.

Maybe in a decade, Jacob, Seth, and I would be joined by Emmett Cullen for the ‘burn or bury’ booze up. He looked like he’d be the most up for livening up these meetings.

“Your family has grown.” Billy’s voice was accusing, and I turned to look at his stern expression.

“My son, Jasper, joined us in 1965,” Carlisle Cullen said politely, “Looking for a different lifestyle. We have abided by your terms, and would not have returned to this area if we were not prepared to continue to do so.”

The Quiluetes weren’t thrilled with that news, and Charlie just looked kind of tired. Freddie was taking notes on his phone, and I was just cold and getting bored again… until I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye.

Jasper was prowling away from the others, closer to me, where I stood at my uncle’s side. Both eyes were on me, like liquid amber, and I finally got a good look at him.

Jasper was Him - the boy hovering over me, half-dressed on the gurney; the boy kissing my scar, and sliding in behind me in the shower. The boy that had hovered at the edges of my visions and dreams since I was young, with adoration in his eyes and gentle touches.

The boy I’d love so fiercely and deeply…

Talk about a terrible time to finally meet.

“Oh fuck,” I said, as I looked at him, eyes wide. All those wretched cliches that terrible books write about happened at that moment. I was enchanted, besotted, and absolutely irrevocably attached to this Jasper Cullen. He was mine.

“Step back!” Harry barked out, but Jasper Cullen ignored him, watching me carefully. I couldn’t help myself; I smiled brightly at him, and he kept moving towards me. Flashes of knowledge were appearing in my head, and for some reasons I kept seeing the Lovers card, still in my deck at home. I could hear people talking, getting angry, but it was like the buzz of insects as Jasper Cullen got closer to me. His hand reached out slowly, to stroke the curve of my cheek, studying me with the strangest look on his face.

And then the pain hit, like someone had shoved an ice pick through my left eye and into my brain. The visions were folding over and over, like origami, before I could decipher them. Choices being made, minds changing, so fast I could keep up. I heard myself cry out as I fell, and then everything was dark.

Then I was seeing things in real time. The way I fell, blood running from my nose, to everyone’s utter horror. My eyes were rolled back in my head, and my body jerked in a seizure a few times before I was still.

But no one could get near me. As soon as I had fallen, Jasper had crouched over my prone form, with a horrified look on his face. Everyone was yelling and trying to get closer, and Jasper let out a snarl that was, frankly, terrifying before refocusing on me, taking my hand and plucking my glove off it, to rest against his own cheek. Whatever that was supposed to achieve did nothing, and whilst everyone else was yelling and bickering, he let out a low whine that was so pathetic, if I’d had any control over my body, I would have sat up and given him a hug.

Then Carlisle Cullen placed his hands up to the Council in a gesture of peace and nodded to Emmett before approaching Jasper.

The conversation would have been too low for anyone else to hear, but not me, in whatever kind of vision this was.

“Jasper, I understand,” Carlisle Cullen said in a low voice. “But she’s got a medical condition, you need to let her people take care of her.”

Jasper growled low, Emmett’s hand on his shoulder.

“Bro, c’mon,” he said. “You’re scaring them,” he nodded over his shoulder. Sue’s face was white with fear, and I was scared that Harry was going to stroke out on the spot.

And I was there, Sleeping Beauty, with a smear of fresh blood on my face.

“I can’t,” Jasper seemed to force out between gritted teeth. “She’s mine.” It was said with determination and desperation, and a deep tenderness.

I was pleased that whatever my embarrassing collapse had been, at least I knew we were on the same page -that we knew each other and we knew each other.

And just like that, like they were magic words, my eyes open and I was back in reality, staring up at the man-boy who was staring at me like I held the secrets to the universe.

“Alice, did he hurt you?” Freddie called out in a strained voice.

“No, that was me. Too much new information,” I said, as I began to sit up, Jasper sliding my glove back on my hand before I realised it was still missing. He held out his hand to help me up, his touch so careful and gentle.

“Okay, good. Come over here,” Freddie motioned for me to move to where the group seemed to have bunched across from the Cullens. Charlie Swan looked murderous. “She’s nothing to you, boy, just let her go.”

I winced when Freddie said that, realising immediately it was like a red flag to a bull, and all of a sudden there was a lot of motion. Jasper growled, attempting to shove me behind him - to protect me? - whilst Emmett and Carlisle Cullen decided it was time to get Jasper physically under control, and pulled him back towards where the rest of the family was standing.

I tripped over a rock and stumbled but righted myself as Jasper was bodily dragged back to where Esme, Rosalie, and Edward Cullen were waiting, looking worried.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Mrs Cullen asked as I moved back to Freddie’s side, where he quickly clasped me to him, giving me the once over.

“I’m fine,” I said before catching Emmett having bent Jasper’s arms behind  his back at a hideous angle, his knee digging into Jasper’s spine. “Oh, don’t hurt him! Please!” I made a move towards them but Sue grabbed my arm, and Jasper turned to stare at me with what I can only describe as hope.

“I think this meeting is done,” Charlie Swan said finally. “You agree to maintain the existing treaty - that’s all we need. Thank you for coming.”

“Of course, we don’t want to cause any issues,” Mrs Cullen said, and Freddie snorted, shielding me with his body.

I felt like a prisoner being frog-marched back to the car.

“Back at the Brandon’s?” Charlie said, as we arrived at the cars.

“Of course,” Freddie said. “Coffee and debrief.”

//

[guardiandae]

Meta/Commentary Part 1: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

Wade finally learned his roomie's real name on day two, when the proposed nickname of 'Priscilla' was rejected via stabbing.

"Y'know- I usually know a guy's name before I let him penetrate me," Wade joked, gritting through the pain.

"My name is Nathan Summers. You can call me Nate. Or you can shut your whore mouth."

I’m gonna say this right now so when I finally finish the sequel of this fic, nobody can cry foul or anything or pretend that I didn’t plan everything all along from the very start of this journey: There’s a reason why Nate stabbed Wade and it’s not just to be an edgelord. This fic starts written in Wade’s POV and then switches to Nate’s, and there is so much more info revealed from Nate’s perspective that changes how interactions are colored. In the sequel, it’s not written in that style but eventually you will understand Nate’s POV and be able to look back on this (and other moments) and be like, Ah. I spent a few months just agonizing over this fic planning. The levels of depth going on here, you don’t know.

Also it’s hilarious because, the movie never really establishes Cable’s real name so hi, it’s Nathan Summers. Scott Summers’ (Cyclops)’s son, but like... older than him because future and time traveling hijinks or whatever. This is only important because like, daddy issues.

-

technically they were even sleeping together, even if Nate slept in the only bedroom because he'd called dibs and Wade slept on the couch in a pile of fast food wrappers.

Denial.

Living with Nate was weird after living with Vanessa for so long. No more kisses -- not like he wanted any.

Denial!

-

Usually when Wade got home, Nate was never there.  Hours later when Nate did come back, he'd just go to bed. Other times, Wade was hired for jobs that took days of travel to complete. There was little interaction between them and they barely saw each other, so Wade took to leaving little notes behind.

[Went to get milk. And also to put a cap in someone's ass. He's a bad guy though, so don't worry. I'll be home late. xoxo] [Forgot the milk. Also didn't cap the guy so I didn't get paid. Can you pick some up while you're out? xoxo]

So much info in one little spot. Nate only sees them as roommates, as a living arrangement and tenuous partnership to serve as an end to both of their needs. Nate has a place to live, and his only responsibility, as we learn in his POV, is to pay the rent on Wade’s behalf, with Wade’s money, because Wade is a disaster and his memory is getting worse. Not only is Wade just an annoying person who can’t take anything seriously, in his incorrect opinion, but there’s that level of guilt for feeling like a freeloader when Nate is the kind of person who’s had to fight just to survive his entire life. Wade’s little notes are so sweet, but to Nate, 1. weird 2. is this a joke? 3. stop reminding me of how much you care and meanwhile i can barely bring myself to write a note back, aaaaaa

I need to remember to revive the note-leaving between them in the sequel. It’s too cute, I can’t stand it.

-

Mercenary jobs had become harder to come by, and then work dried up. It was almost like nobody wanted to pay a guy to kill people anymore. As if there could ever be a shortage of people in the world who needed to die. But when one door closes, another opens -- everywhere he went, he suddenly saw slews of missing persons flyers. Wade had never noticed how many there were before, but he took it as a sign. He'd always wanted to try his hand at being a P.I. and Wade hadn't realized that the market was booming with families desperate to find loved ones. He offered his services as a private dick to several different people, but every single case was unsolvable. It was like they'd just vanished into thin air, but he knew that wasn't possible. It was frustrating to realize he was such a lousy dick.

Spoilers, but this is when the Thanos snap happens, and Wade is completely oblivious. Could someone who can be so devastatingly observant really be so obtuse? Or is his mind just protecting itself from such an incomprehensible reality that everyone else is suddenly saddled with? These are things Nate wonders later as well. Even I don’t know for sure. (I haven’t watched End Game and there’s still more plotline to tackle during the Snap, don’t @ me about how Marvel did it, I don’t know and I don’t care, I have my own plans)  (By the way, characters will either be snapped or inexplicably alive, and that’s not a plot hole, that’s the joke. Welcome to Marvel, the writers never fucking make sense and I don’t have to either, YEET)

[Someone tried to sell a metal arm on the black market????!! It better be Bucky's and not yours. Not like I care.] [It was Bucky's.]

Rip Buckkyyyyyy lmaooo

But also, cryyyy because Nate is busy trying to help deal with absolute fucking chaos and he didn’t really stop to consider whether Wade would be wondering what happened to him. Ow. Yeah, I think Wade definitely subconsciously registered what happened and is in total denial of reality. It’s better that way. Nobody fucking tell him.

-

There was nothing that he hated more than being ignored. Might as well just talk to himself. Which he did a lot of lately.

Foreshadowing.

-

All of the warmth left his body at once, leaving him a little breathless and dizzy. He was vaguely aware of Nate looking at him, but it was less of a 'you're home' and more of a ' why are you here?'

This whole area of the fic hurts so good because I’m gay and I love drama.

Wade coming home, literally bleeding to death on the inside and in shock because, once again, everything went to shit for him, story of his life. And he sees Nate just there, dressed down, relaxed, and has this little flash of domestic happiness because he so desperately wishes that the domestic happiness was real and that Nate actually was waiting for him and happy to see him come home, and the hard snap back to reality where Nate doesn’t even like him is soooo fucking painful lol end me. And on top of that, he misread Nate’s concern as hate/disgust for him bc that’s what he’s used to, and then he passes out on the floor and wakes up with Nate over him because I’m gay and I love drama!!!!

-

"Wade, you died for a second," Nate told him. Wade couldn't quite tell if Nate was concerned for him or just annoyed. "I had to pull a piece of metal pipe from your chest. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I got a… pipe in my chest," Wade said, pausing for breath. His lungs felt wet and heavy. He should've left the pipe in.

"Very illuminating," Nate deadpanned, letting go. "Anything else I should know?"

This moment where Nate is so very fucking concerned for Wade, but then Wade cracks a weak joke, because that’s how he copes, and Nate is like, wow, fuck it, so much for being worried about you.

[[SCREAMS IN GAY.]]

-

These thoughts didn't feel like his own, even though they had his voice. His mind was always scattered, full of thoughts that flowed nonstop like a babbling brook. Sometimes it took a lot of conscious effort to reign himself in and make sense of his own head. But these just popped out of nowhere, in bold print, in boxes that were separate from everything else.

"Am I going nuts?" he wondered aloud, whispering to himself, because honestly, he was a little afraid of his own head right now.

(A little late to be asking that.)

And this is when the ‘boxes’ manifest for Wade. But in this fic, the voices that manifest in his head are his own intrusive, negative thoughts. The depression, the loneliness, the self-hatred, the belief and fear that Nate hates him too.

-

I’m gonna recap vs a full copy and paste because the next bit is long:

-Wade is coughing up blood clots from his lungs in the morning, or trying to. -Nate is disgusted but also sympathetic and offers to help Wade out. -A really layered conversation occurs.

“Maybe if I drown myself in the bathtub, the blood clots will rinse out. What d'you think?"

Wade’s exhausted. Joking, but also dead serious. Nate is concerned about Wade making such a dark joke, but he also can tell that Wade really is struggling.

“I’ll help you.”

“Really?” Wade is relieved Nate wants to help him, at first, but then remembers he just said he wanted to drown himself in a bathtub, and becomes disheartened again because he remembers Nate doesn’t like him. “Oh. Yeah.”

From Wade’s point of view: Nate just offered to help Wade kill himself, because of course someone would get a kick out of drowning him, he’s annoying, yadda yadda.

From Nate’s point of view: Wade isn’t okay and he offered to help him with his problem, because he sounds desperate and Nate doesn’t think that jokes will help Wade with his mental state, nor will the drowning actually do anything to solve the problem (the blood clots festering in his lungs).

"I bet you'd love to hold me down and watch me struggle," he said, still thinking about the drowning idea. Then, in a flirtatious tone, "I'll make it good for you, baby. Just promise me we'll do it face to face."

From Wade’s POV: He’s making a joke about Nate drowning him, but also making a sex joke to make it funny, to mock Nate if he really does want to drown Wade, so maybe he wouldn’t do it, or maybe it’d be weird and interesting.

From Nate’s POV: Wade is flirting with him, and his humor and still really dark and Nate really shouldn’t laugh at it or encourage that kind of thing.

From Wade’s POV, seeing Nate trying not smile: ah holy fuck he really wants to drown me.

"I don't want to watch you struggle," Nate said. If he did, he'd just leave Wade alone to keep coughing up blood.

"Ah. Consensual," Wade nodded. "Okay, well, I'd be open to some over-the-clothes stuff, and whatever happens while I'm still dead doesn't count."

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think we're having the same conversation."

Wade is continuing the joke, because from his POV he’s like, whelp, this might as well be what happens.

But they really aren’t having the same conversation. There’s more like, four different conversations happening at once. Wade’s very sincere idea of drowning himself as a solution to his problems, and Wade joking about Nate drowning him as a sexual innuendo.  Nate interpreting Wade’s dark humor as a shitty attempt at flirting that he neither wants to encourage nor outright shoot down, and Nate offering to give Wade a better solution to fix his actual problem.

And Nate’s solution is to use his telekinesis to just... remove all the shit from Wade’s lungs. But he didn’t communicate that idea with Wade before just doing it, even if he did ask permission, so that’s pretty shitty and hence why we had to add the ‘Nonconsensual Telekinetic Heimlich Maneuver’ tag. smh

"That was dubious at best and now we have to add a warning in the tags," Wade sighed. "Non-consensual telekinetic Heimlich maneuver…. This is problematic now. People aren't gonna click on this."

-

This is a good spot to stop for now and continue in another post.

[trade-baby-blues]

Champagne Dreaming

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Word Count: 1905

Warnings: slight violence, minor car crash, swearing

A/N: An anon requested Prompt 18 (” Character A and Character B have to save Christmas.”) I might’ve taken some liberties with the prompt, but I had fun writing it!! Tony is....really not in it much lol. But hopefully I wrote him well enough for the parts that he is in. Also, I continue to suck at endings so sorry 

Working for Stark Industries was a dream come true. More than that - it was a privilege. It's an absolute privilege to work for Mr. Stark and fetch his dry cleaning and his coffee and his lunch and keep his schedule and

“And it's a privilege,” you hissed at yourself, hitting your palm against the steering wheel in frustration. “It's a privilege to be sitting here in traffic on Christmas Eve.” You leaned back in your seat with a sigh, stretching your spine as best you could in your small car.

It wasn't all bad, if you were being honest. It wasn't even mostly bad. Tony Stark didn’t let many people into his inner circle. Still, it would have been nice to spend Christmas Eve curled up with a book in your loft at Stark Tower instead of stuck in your car with three crates of champagne.

This was the latest in a string of “emergencies” Mr. Stark had leading up to the holiday season. The first was buying gifts for the Avengers team. Then, he'd asked you to stay at the Tower for Christmas to help organize the decorating team then the holiday party then  your phone went off at 5 in the morning.

By now you were used to Mr. Stark waking you up at ungodly hours, but you'd been hoping he might make an exception on Christmas Eve. You toyed with the idea of ignoring it, already feeling the pull of sleep when your phone buzzed again.

Emergency down in the lab.         5:08 a.m.

Did I mention it was an emergency?      5:09 a.m.

You shot out of bed, telling FRIDAY to call the elevator. The only sounds in the hall were your bare feet hitting the floor and the creaking of the elevator doors. You slid inside, jamming the button for the lab and inputting your security clearance. The elevator whirred to life and you wrung your hands, not sure if it would be better to ask what to expect or go in blind. Before you made up your mind, the doors to the lab were opening.

“Mr. Stark,” you called, not seeing him or his emergency.

He popped his head out from his office before rushing back in. You heard him laugh, followed by a brief crashing of metal against the concrete floors. He emerged again, leaning against the doorframe, not even trying to hide the smile on his face. “It's about time. Nice pajamas. Are those dogs wearing Santa hats?”

“Yes,” you said, crossing your arms in a feeble attempt to cover the holiday dachshund print. “You said it was an emergency. I didn't think I had time to change.”

“Right. Emergency,” Mr. Stark said, pushing off the door frame and walking towards you. “I forgot to order champagne for the party tonight, so I need you to get some.” He fished through his wallet before handing you a bank card.

“You said it was an emergency,” you dead-panned, staring at the card in your hand.

“It is. What kind of Christmas party would it be without champagne?” Mr. Stark headed back for the office, sending you another glance. “You might want to change first. It's cold outside.”

You could've slapped the grin right off his face but chose to keep your cool (and your job), and headed back up to your room. You spent the next few hours searching the Internet and making calls to find a store that was actually open and had enough champagne. As luck would have it, you found a store an hour away, so you threw on some clothes and begged them to hold the champagne for you.

Now, you couldn't help but wonder if it would’ve just been easier to tell Mr. Stark you couldn't find any. The party was due to start in a few hours and traffic had barely moved an inch. You genuinely considered ditching the car and calling someone to help you haul the crates when your car jerked forward.

The sound of crunching metal broke your train of thought as your whole body snapped towards the windshield. Your eyes shot to the rear view mirror, locking eyes with the driver behind you. In a similar situation, Dr. Banner would probably be seeing green right now, but you only saw red as you got out of the car.

The man behind you was sending a stream of curses your way, but you hardly payed attention. Your brain was focused on one thing: connecting your fist to his face. With a satisfying crack, the man fell backwards onto the hood of his car, cradling his jaw. He looked up at you, stunned.

“Merry fucking Christmas,” you spat. Before you could turn around, a pair of police lights flashed on not two cars away. You watched an officer get out of the car and approach you. God, you were so gonna get fired.

You were still trying to decide who to call when who else but Mr. Stark himself showed up in front of the holding cell. You stood with your arms crossed, hoping that if you looked confident maybe you could keep yourself from crying.

“Come here often,” Mr. Stark joked.

“It's my winter home.”

Mr. Stark nodded. “Mm, remind me to give you a raise. It looks like you could use some new furniture.”

“Go to hell,” you snapped before you could stop yourself.  You slapped your hands over mouth in horror. “I’m so sorry Mr. Stark. I-” He held a hand up to stop you.

“I’ll send you a postcard, and how many times do I have to tell you to call me Tony? Mr. Stark makes me feel old. So tell me, how did this,” he said, gesturing at the cell, “happen?”

You pressed your forehead against the cool bars in an attempt to hide the blush creeping up your face. “I may have briefly gotten swept up in some road rage and punched someone.”

“Told you self defense classes would come in handy.”

“As much as I appreciate your sense of humor, Mr. Stark-”

“Tony,” he interrupted.

“Tony,” you sighed. “How did you know I was here? You should be getting ready for the party.”

“Oh, I was. Then, I got an interesting call from the police station saying a woman had stolen my credit card, bought a ton of champagne, and started attacking people in the street.”

You groaned. “You told them I didn't steal your card, right?”

“I told them I've never seen you in my life.” Tony’s usual poker face cracked into a smile as your eyes shot up to him. His laugh echoed through the holding cell.

“You're so lucky there are bars between us right now.”

“Did you hear that, officer,” Tony asked, turning to the cop standing behind him. “I think she's threatening me. Maybe we should extend her stay.”

“Tony,” you warned, exasperation clear in your voice.

“All right, all right. Come on. Can't have a party with the guest of honor.” Tony stepped aside so the officer could unlock the cell.

“Guest of honor?”

“Yeah, me. Did you think I meant you? Because that would be embarrassing.” You rolled your eyes, not missing the teasing note in Tony's voice as he led you out of the precinct to the car parked out front. You nodded awkwardly at Happy, who held the door for you as you clambered in. A black garment bag hung from a handle in the backseat.

“That's for you, by the way. An early Christmas present,” Tony said, sliding into the seat next to you. “Well, that and bailing you out of jail.”

“Thank you, Tony, but you really didn't have to.”

“Yeah, well, I needed the champagne so I figured I’d get you too.” He shrugged, smile still firmly on his face. “Go ahead and put it on.”

“Here?”

“Yeah. Party’s already starting so you should be dressed when we get there. Happy?” Happy pressed a button and an opaque partition slid up, hiding you from his view but not Tony’s. You stared at him expectantly, but he only smiled back at you, eager to see how the dress looked. “Is there a problem?”

“Are you gonna watch?”

“I bailed you out of jail, and I don't get a show?” You felt your cheeks heat up again but couldn't come up with a witty response. “Fine. Nothing I haven't seen in my dreams anyway.” He gave you a wink before turning in his seat and slipping his sunglasses back on.

You went back to unzipping the garment bag, freezing when your brain finally processed what Tony said. No. There was no way you heard him right, you thought, biting your bottom lip. You shook your head, trying to get a grip as you finally slipped the dress out of the bag.

Say what you will about Tony Stark, the man had good taste. The dress was absolutely breathtaking: deep red silk with a sweetheart neckline and sleeves made from nude netting laced with crystals. It sparkled even in the dim lighting of the car. The skirt fell out of the bag in waves, and you sucked in a breath, wondering how the hell you were supposed to get this on.

Somehow you managed to change clothes and only accidentally hit Tony twice. By the time it was on and Tony helped you zip it up, you were almost as red as the dress.

“There are shoes under the seat. Do you want me to turn around while you put those on, too?”

“Shut up,” you smiled, reaching forward for the box.

“Ouch. That hurts. Is that really any way to treat the man who bailed you out?”

You pinched your eyes shut and groaned. “You're really not gonna let me live this down are you?”

“You might be able to convince me. On one condition.”

“God, anything,” you said as you pulled the heels on. Tony didn't respond right away, and you looked up at him. His normal smile was gone, replaced by something softer, something more intimate. A smile just for you.

“Be my date tonight.” You searched for any hint he was joking.

“Yeah, okay,” you said. And just like that, all the tension slipped away and the air snapped back to playful banter.

“Yeah, okay,” Tony said, doing his best imitation of you. “Do you know how many girls would kill to be in your spot?”

You shrugged as Happy opened the door for you, milking the last few shreds of confidence you had. “So invite them.”

Tony stepped out of the car behind you, wrapping an arm around your waist. “I bailed you out of jail.”

“I thought you said you’d let that go if I was your date.”

“I said I might be convinced to let it go, but frankly I’m not convinced yet.”

“And what will it take to convince you, Mr. Stark,” you smiled innocently, straightening his lapel. You ran your hands down his chest, relishing the feel of his muscles tensing under your touch.

Tony sucked in a breath. “Say my name like that after I have a few glasses of champagne, and I think that’ll do the trick.”  You stifled a laugh as Tony pulled the door open for you. He slipped his arm around your waist again, and for the first time today, you finally felt the tension leave your body.

I don’t have a Marvel tag list, so if you ever want to be tagged in Marvel stuff lmk!! I think I’ve only written for Bucky in the past, but I’ve got some Steve stuff coming up!!

[canaryatlaw]

OKAY. It’s Sunday night, I’m on the plane back to Chicago from Clexacon in Las Vegas. What a weekend man. I had such an amazing time with friends I already knew and ones I just met for the first time. However, much of how the con was run was an absolute shit show. I must’ve said a hundred times that being that they’d done this for like 3 years already, they should know better than to do the stupid kind of shit they were doing, and yet there we were. So that led to some crappy situations, but I still had a great time do to the awesome people around me. I can’t say I’d go again though, because it was just a very poorly run event and I’m (obviously) not afraid to call them out on it in public, because it’s clearly needed when they’re prioritizing getting every last dollar out of everyone rather than the safety/wellbeing of the guests and the experience of the congoers (and the sanity of their volunteers, for that matter. But I should start from the beginning.

I left off Thursday night right before trying to fall asleep. I say trying because sadly it did not come easy, I think I fell asleep finally some time around 4, which put me at like 3-4 hours of sleep for the night, which made me feel a lot more exhausted through all of the very long day I had. I think I woke up at 7:30 am on Friday, that sounds right. Threw the last of things together and got an Uber, picked up Jess and was on our way to the airport. Got through everything okay, for one reason or another they let us go through just the metal detector instead of the full scan machine thing which was nice because the whole machine is a giant pain. We got to our gate and waited, and got somewhat delayed but eventually got in the air. Landed about 1 pm Las Vegas time, so 3 pm for us, so it already felt like it’s been forever and we wanted to get there as soon as we could. We ended up taking a taxi to the place instead of dealing with their airport’s Uber procedures, whatever those were. It was a pretty short drive, so we got there and walked into the casino part, and proceeded to get very lost until we saw someone that looked like they would be going (take that to mean whatever you’d like) and begged them to help us which they readily did thankfully lol.

So with some help we got to the actual part the con was taking place at, and found our friends who were in line for the Avalance panel that was at 3 pm. They were fairly close to the front for the regular admissions at least, so we got fairly good seats. I was going to live tweet but since getting off the plane my signal had been very poor (apparently Verizon doesn’t get good reception in Nevada) and not only did the place not have WiFi, but some people were saying they actively dampened the cell phone signal to “keep people focused on gambling” or something like that which is wild, really, all of this leading to the conclusion that my battery was gonna die a lot quicker than normal and I couldn’t afford to live tweet. Clexacon is also really good about putting their whole panel’s online though (one thing to their credit at least) so I didn’t feel too bad about it. The panel was great though, Jes and Caity together are always fucking hilarious and they were honestly so bad at paying attention and staying on topic it was really funny. They definitely like, hinted heavily at several things upcoming in the rest of the season, I won’t get into it because I know some people don’t like spoilers so I’ll leave it there and say if you want to know more go watch the panel. It was really great though, and as was suspected, Katrina Law crashed it and it was hilarious.

After the panel we rushed over to Jes’ table as soon as we could, which took a minute because instead of the normal con set up where each celebrity has their own table, they were switching off tables in shifts more or less (a dumb mistake which led to issues when they needed the table for the next guest but still had a mile long line, one of many things they totally should’ve known better than to do). So we had to wait a minute and then get in line and wait for her to head over, which wasn’t too long. Jess got a photo signed because she had a nice new one and it let us talk to her lol. She was doing selfies but that wasn’t quite established yet, since the con had put out a whole statement saying there would be no selfies (and then the guests were like yeah right we’re gonna do them anyway, bless). So we talked to her for a few minutes about some spoilery stuff we had gotten told about and then moved on since she had quite a line already.

After that we walked around the merch hall for a few minutes before heading over to the photo ops, and oh what a chaotic mess that was! After a while we managed to get in the right place with the right people and then had to wait a while longer lol. But for that night we had a duo op with Caity and Jes with Season, Jayne, Jess and I, with a pose inspired by the breakfast club (I’ll post my crappy quality picture of the print out since they don’t have the digital downloads yet and don’t know when they will after this) which involved me lying on the floor lol so that was amusing, got to say hi to Jes and told Caity I’d see her tomorrow.

Once we were done with that we waited for a bit for other people that had different ops since they were all clumped together (singles for any of the three including Katrina, duos with any of them, or trios with all three) and then once we were all done we left to go to the Taco Bell, the infamous Vegas Taco Bell that you can get married in and was famously featured in Jess’ social media au that I didn’t read 😂 but it had become quite a big deal, so we walked for about 15 minutes till we got there. They were blasting music inside at like a way too loud volume, so after ordering and getting our food we ended up sitting at their little outside portion, where we could still hear the music but it wasn’t quite so bad, lol. So that was certainly an experience.

When we walked back to the con place we met up with some friends who had brought along some games and such for a game night, and we ended up playing games with them for several hours, which was very fun. We played one called The Resistance which is kind of like Mafia and whenever we play any game like that I will ALWAYS end up being the “spy” as it was in this case, and it happened both rounds we played 😂 it’s just more fun that way. We played a few different fun ones. It was getting late though and I was like high key tired, and since we weren’t actually staying at the hotel there because it was very expensive (though the rooms were very nice) so after a while Jess, Melissa, and I ubered back to the holiday inn where Melissa had gotten a room and was letting us crash with her lol. Our Uber that night was a red hummer, so that was wild. I was like getting deliriously tired at that point but I knew if I didn’t wash my hair it would look like shit in photo ops the next day so I forced myself to wash it quickly and then go to bed right afterwards.

I set my alarm for 8 or 8:30, I’m not sure which, but I got up and got ready for the day, grabbing a quick breakfast at the hotel before heading over to the con. The Nyssara panel was first thing that day but since we knew it was gonna be online anyway we decided to skip it in favor of Jes’ line on a hope that most people would be at the panel instead (there were actually a good number of people there, but I’m sure there would’ve been a lot more without the panel). So we waited a bit for her to show up and she started signing, then we had to wait a few minutes while she went and crashed the Nyssara panel of course in payback for Katrina crashing the Avalance one the day before, which we fully expected to occur lol. Then she came back and we got to her pretty quickly. I had her sign the op of her and Caity that we got the night before.

Once that was done we headed to the photo ops since they were shortly afterwards, also a shit show but no surprise at that point. I just had a Jes op, and I decided since I was wearing my Captain Marvel tank top I got from hot topic a few weeks ago I decided we should do the pose with our arms extended since that was their kinda thing, and it came out really well, I was happy with it. Once everyone was done with photo ops, which took a while longer, we went to the autograph/merch hall and decided to hit up Caity’s line while we could, I had her sign her side of the duo op from the night before and got some selfies, it’s always great to talk to her, Sara’s always gonna be my favorite character and a big part of why I love the fandom as much as I do so I always love getting to interact with Caity, and she seems like she remembers me pretty consistently at this point so that’s always nice.

Once we all got through Caity’s line Jes’ was still really long so we decided to go to the Black Lightning/ThunderGrace panel with Nafessa and Chantal, who were both super awesome and the panel was great. They were so much fun to get to talk to and it was good to hear the writers were playing the long game with their relationship since at the beginning of season 2 it looked like that might not be the case. Towards the end of the panel we were informed that Jes’ line had been capped, which was very weird because she was supposed to be signing till 5 and it was only like 3:45 at that point which is WAY too early to cap a line. So after the panel we headed straight over there to figure out what was going on. One of the other stupid things the con was doing was overpromising things to their VIPs and basically just letting them through over the regular admissions at a rate that was impractical and frankly just didn’t make sense. So there was a VIP line that was very long and looked like it might be being added to, and a shorter regular admission line. We basically decided to be stubborn though and see if we could play it out on the hope that if they tried to end it before we got there Jes would see us and want to talk to us basically, which I’m not sure how successful we would’ve been and did not at all know if it would work or not. But basically we planted ourselves at the end of the regular admission line on the premise that we were talking to our friend who had managed to get added to the line, and then as things evolved basically more people started getting in behind us which the volunteers were not happy about (I want to make it clear though, I’m not at all blaming the volunteers for the shittier parts of this weekend, that blame lies solely with the con and the decisions they made, including not training their volunteers for all the situations they should’ve been trained on, but the volunteers were just doing their job and I would never fault them for that) which was understandable but we were gonna try.

We eventually more or less got added to the line but there was zero guarantee we were actually going to get to see her.

At some point around 5 Jes wanted to stay through the line so she had to get moved to a different table since they were still doing their shitty system with the tables, and then had to lead the whole line over behind her, which we think they basically just put the entire VIP line in front of the regular admission people, even those who had arrived clearly after us, so we ended up waiting quite a while there with seeming little to no movement. After we had been waiting a little while they Black Lightning girls had come to the tables nearby and Nafessa didn’t have a line, so I ducked out quickly (with plenty of friends to save my spot ofc) to her table because I’ve wanted to meet her for a while now but never had the chance, and thankfully she was doing selfies so I got to talk to her for a bit and then take some selfies with her, she was really really great and I basically cried talking to her about how much I love the show and the character of Anissa so much and just how iconic it was to see the image of her standing there in her superhero outfits and having the bullets just fucking bouncing off of her after so many LGBT female characters were killed off often for very shitty reasons, I’m like tearing up just thinking about it now lol so I was really glad I got to meet her.

Once I finished there I ducked back into Jes’ line, which had finally seemed to move some so we were a little closer, but still had to wait a bit longer. Jes was a total champ because she absolutely did not have to stay for everyone there, but she chose to do so despite being super tired and worn out herself, so she gets major credit here. We got to see her finally though after going through way too much shit to get there lol, I got my op from earlier that day signed, but had to forego a selfie because I was out of cash lol. Oh well. It was sad because the only con coming up she has scheduled is the love fanfest which is in Barcelona this summer (and in case you were wondering flights to Barcelona for those dates are sitting solidly around $800) and we’re ofc not planning on attending that so having to say goodbye without knowing when we’d see her next was kinda sad (and of course we’ll be bugging HVFF like crazy to fucking invite her to their cons, ugh) but I was still really glad we got to see her.

When we finally finished there god we were all so wiped and hungry since it was almost 7 pm at this point and we hadn’t really eaten since breakfast, so we ended up taking an Uber to the closest In-N-Out which was of course a must whenever we’re somewhere there is one (usually California but in this case Vegas). It wasn’t terribly crowded so we were able to get a table and food fairly quickly, god their strawberry shake was so fucking good and their burgers and fries were great too. We stayed there for a while and just talked and had a good time before deciding to walk back since we now had food in our stomachs, lol (we were originally going to walk there but my stomach was already like mmmMNOPE and walking for 20 minutes would’ve been high key bad). Once we got back to the con place we met up with the game friends again and played for the rest of the night. We started with a game called joking hazards which is like cards against humanity but based on cyanide and happiness comics which I read religiously for years and you basically had to build the funniest comic strip and my entries had everyone cackling basically the whole time even if I didn’t win the round, it was just all really hilarious and fun. We moved on to some other games which were fun, around 10 or so Jess had to head to the airport because she had been planning on going to Star Wars Celebration Sunday (plans which got thwarted by unexpected snow in Chicago) so she was flying out that night and arriving at like 6 am Sunday morning. We kept playing till like 1 or so at which point everyone was just really tired so Melissa and I headed back to our hotel. I washed my hair again quickly and got ready for bed. One thing we messed up on was forgetting to bring any makeup remover wipes or otherwise makeup remover, and there’s only so much you can get off in the shower, so when I get home tonight I need to like, douse my face in makeup remover and get off all the damn mascara that I couldn’t get off for three fucking days. We headed to bed though, Melissa’s flight was early Sunday morning so we said our goodbyes and went to bed.

I was set to wake up to my alarm at 10 to an empty hotel room which did in fact occur, but it took a little longer for me to actually get out of bed because I was very tired lol, I don’t think I actually fell back asleep but I rested my eyes a bit more until like 10:26 at which point I convinced myself to get out of bed. I got ready and officially checked out of the hotel room (which just involved telling the front desk the room number and that we were checked out) and headed over to the con place, messaging a few various friends I had made since arriving since my original friends were now gone, lol. I met up with them shortly afterwards in the merch hall where we wandered around for a bit and I did buy some stuff, mostly small art stuff and a few buttons, before we headed to the short film festival that was taking place from 12 to 2. I grabbed a sandwich quickly from the little cafe they had and headed in. The films ranged between comedies and dramas of different subjects, they were all really good and several made me cry, one had me like on the verge of sobs at the end lol so yeah they were very good I’d say. Once those were finished they had a little talk with some of the film creators and actors that were there which was fun.

Once that event was done I headed back to the merch hall with one of my friends to find a few things, and once we were satisfied there we ended up walking out across the street to the New York, New York casino which had a shake shack, where I got a burger and a root beer float which was very good. So we ate and talked and had a nice time. We walked back to the con area after, my friend went to a pitch session and I went back to the merch hall for a final round before finding another friend and sticking with them for a bit, one of the tables had been doing a raffle so we waited for the results of that which was entertaining, then talked to a few vendors we knew, and ended up going back to my friend’s hotel room for a little bit. My flight was supposed to leave at 7:25 so I was planning on leaving the con for the airport around 5, but I had gotten an email from southwest saying it had been delayed half an hour, so I ended up staying until around 5:30 before saying my final goodbyes and getting an Uber to the airport.

The Uber ride was quick, check in was very easy and I breezed through security, again only having to do the metal detector, so I made it to the gate shortly after 6 and then had plenty of time lol. So I just sat and listened to podcasts and went on my phone while having it plugged into one of the outlets they had under the seats for about an hour or so until I got up and grabbed some Burger King for dinner, then returning and eating that while we started the boarding process, the flight before us ended up getting in a little late so I think our ultimate take off time ended up being like 8:10 or so. We’re supposed to get in a bit before 2 am Chicago time, which should be fairly soon since my phone is currently reading 11:25 pm Vegas time, which would be 1:25 am Chicago time. Of course I packed super light since I was carrying my backpack around all day for two of the days I was there, so I just have the shorts I wore today which was great for the 80 degree Vegas weather, but being that it FUCKING SNOWED in Chicago today I’m guessing they’re gonna be a bit less than adequate. Since I flew Southwest we’re getting into the airport that’s further from me, but the roads will at least be clear and you can just take the expressway up so it doesn’t take too much longer than the one that’s closer to me (which is always just a pain in the ass because it’s O’Hare but it’s where pretty much everyone flies out of except Southwest). So now I’m here, sitting on the plane and typing this. As things stand right now, Jess had gotten off of work tomorrow for Star Wars Celebration which she wasn’t sure she was gonna do on Monday but since today didn’t end up working out she’s gonna go, I was able to get a single day Monday ticket to go with her so we’re gonna get brunch at 10 and then head down to that con, lol, probably stay mostly in their merch hall and maybe meet up with some people, before going home to watch the Legends episode of course. And yeah, that should be fun. I’m running low on battery so I’m gonna stop typing for now, I’ll probably write a final few sentences once I’m home or almost home and about to go to sleep.

Okay, flight landed at 1:49 am, it’s now 3:08 am and I’m lying on my bed about to go to sleep. Goodnight peeps. Hope you had a good weekend too.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #177

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”

What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Strawberry or watermelon. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not particularly, but I suppose jaguar. What do you think of foot tattoos? Surprisingly, not a big fan. It's gotta be cute, well-placed, and small. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Maybe? I don't remember. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? Chocolate frosted. What do you drink with dinner? It varies. Can be soda, water, milk... Peanuts or sunflower seeds? I don't like either. What is your favorite grocery store to shop at, and how often do you shop for groceries? Sam's Club totally has the best deals, but I don't make the shopping calls here. Who is your favorite character from the last movie you watched? Uhhh the super paranoid lady whose actress is a legend. Where did you have your first kiss? What about your last kiss? His bed; airport. What is the last thing you spoke to your father about? Phone bill. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? Myself. Have you ever apologized to someone, but didn’t mean it? I'm sure at some point. What is the one thing that you can’t resist? Reese's, I sometimes cannooooot tell myself no to a Mtn. Dew Voltage, wanting to pet an animal even if it's dangerous, and uhhh I'm sure there's more. Have you ever done another person's homework for money? No. If you could play any piece of music on an instrument, what would it be? Teach me the ending piece from WKM on the piano so I could ruin myself further than just listening to it already does. Have you ever treated someone like they were nothing? I don't believe so. If you could ask 5 questions and get an exact answer, what would you ask? Oh yikes, deep one. Um... 1.) what is the cure for cancer, 2.) cure for Alzheimer's/dementia, 3.) cure for HIV/AIDS, 4.) how can/is it even possible to obtain world peace, and 5.) will I be stable in the future are what come to mind first. Does it frighten you when animals get into fights? I GET VERY SCARED FOR THE ANIMALS. When you were little did you touch just about everything in the store? YUP YUP YUP. Do you ever leave your drinks out in the open at a party? N/A, but I absolutely would not. Ever suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Yes. Who is someone you’ll always hate? No one I personally know. How many people do you trust 100 percent? Just one. I would include Mom, but I know she lies about Dad. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? NO, I really think I'd lose it and kill myself. Do you often start books, yet never finish them? I don't read, but I'd do that if I didn't like it. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? Idr. Does the sight of blood gross you out? No. Have you ever gone through a red light? No. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? No. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? Blue. When you are sad, do you cheer yourself up, or look to others? It depends, but I usually begin with the former. During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 can been damned by God themselves. Have you ever seen a bluejay in person? Yes. Have you ever eaten grass/leaves? Probably as a kid. Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yeah! Apple flavor is the bomb.com. Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? Ryder, my nephew. Who makes you smile the most often? Sara Jane. :') How do you express your happiness? I'm louder, more talkative, goofier. When was the last time you did a good deed? Uhhh idk. It's a tiny thing, but I suppose you could count me getting my old man bub with arthritis up on the bed when he wanted up. What songs make you happy? Lots... Do you like to sing? Sometimes, but I'm not good at it. Where is somewhere that holds fond memories for you? Ummm the little pond behind the community college where we took our first prom photos. That whole day was just extremely magical, and passing it is a severe PTSD trigger so if for whatever reason we're driving past there, Mom goes around it. I did pass it a few months back when I was taking pictures of flowers around the college and I was okay, probably because I didn't even glance at it. What do you think of the gothic stereotype? # A E S T H E T I C Have you ever encountered a black widow? Yup. What scares you, more than anything else? Ending up alone/losing all those I love. Has an animal ever peed on you? Lol yeah...  Pet rodents have multiple times when getting them accustomed to being held, a puppy probably has, and Venus (my snake) did once after I held her for like an hour, aha. Couldn't be mad at that angel, she was obviously so comfy. What would make a cool substitute color for the sun? Pink. Is purple a good color for a car? Sure. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? Purple; crisper. What is something you like that is sour? Warheads. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some hot wings at BWW with one of the hottest sauces. When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Idk, I'm sure something with Sara. Who did you last see on webcam? I've no idea. Have you ever discovered something gross in your food at McDonalds? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Ramen? I only like the spicy chicken Yakisoba ones. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Name a really popular television show you never got into: Ha, a lot. Game of Thrones, for one, but I'd be willing to give it a second chance via more episodes and a different attitude and actually kinda want to. Sara, add that to our list. Do you listen to any unsigned bands/singers? Who? No, I don't believe so. I need to start listening to my old friend's band, though, because I really want to support them; they work so hard and are very serious about taking their band somewhere. Nova Mortis if you're interested and like heavy metal. What do you find really interesting? THE PARANORMAL, for one. Genetics, psychology, fossils, abandoned buildings and shacks, natural selection and evolution, outer space, differences in languages and cultures, and so much more. Who is your favorite video game character? Spyro! What kind of pictures do you post on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat most frequently? I like never post pictures, but selfies on FB, then I have two photography Instagrams. Do you remember the first person you felt sexually attracted to? Seriously, Jason. Have you ever been on vacation with a significant other? No. Is there anything on your bucket list that you’re hoping to cross off soon? A lot of things, but. Probably won't be soon as many include travel. Of all of your friends’ significant others, who do you get along with best? And least? Sam's wife Kieley is an absolute doll; least, idk. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? HAHAHAHAHA I REEEEEAAAAALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THAT KNOWING NOW HE DIDN'T/DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME AND CAN'T COMMUNICATE FOR SHIT. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? N/A Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? Girt, hardcore. Eventually did, but we know how that went. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yup: if they've assaulted someone, prostitution is involved, casual flings/one-night stands have happened, being/have been a porn star, cheated before. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? Like, everyone will answer that question with "vet." Have you ever considered “unplugging”/taking a significant period of time away from technology? lol nope I doubt I'd last a day with no technology. Do you use a photo editor? Lightroom, Photoshop, sometimes PhotoScape. Is your dad overweight? Quite the opposite. Ever been honked at? Yeah. Which do you prefer, doctor or dentist? Dentist; I'm never nervous for them. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I haaaate whipped cream. Texture thing. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Two meerkats grooming, done on a huge thing of burlap. What’s your favorite type of sushi? Never tried, never will. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend has had? Scarlett. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? Yup. I had a long insomnia streak where I physically couldn't sleep without Melatonin. What is your current favorite song? I'm hooked on "The Bottom is a Rock" by Mother Mother rn. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you have a balcony? No. Are you jealous of anyone, even mildly? If so, who? Yeah, my sisters, as well as some real successful friends. Have you ever done a craft you saw in a magazine? No. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Who is a singer that has given you chills? Celine Dion, Loreena McKennitt, Sebastian Bach, David Draiman, and Amy Lee off the top of my head. What act would you perform in a talent show? I wouldn't, I got nothin'. What area are you the most gifted in, do you think? Um... writing, I guess? Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? BALLGOWN BITCH Do you enjoy editing videos? Ye! Do you enjoy editing photos? Yup. Who do you think is the most attractive actor? I see u Jason Momoa. Have you ever been caught doing something REAL embarrassing by your parents? I don't believe so. Do you believe in reincarnation? No. Do you have any of your neighbors as friends on Facebook? No. When was the last time you thought about sex, or sexual things? Ummm within the past few days probably, at least briefly? Are there any flowers planted outside your house? We have a tall bush that sprouts big, pink flowers, if that counts. Does anyone in your family smoke? Dad. What was the very first election you voted in? I haven't yet. Do you have a drone? No. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No, rather too shy. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? YEAH. I slept like shit and had to get up early for a VR assessment. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? I feel like I'd say something sarcastic to them. Or be more mature about it and ask why. Or cry. Are you proud of who you are? Eh, only in certain areas... Is your vision good? I can barely read the line below the big "E." So no lmao. Are you a legal adult? Yeah but idk how. Has anyone ever called you a flirt? No. What was the last compliment your received? The assessment lady at VR loved my hair. Do you know any sign language? No. Who was the last person to give you a gift? Sara, on our anniversary. Do you trust the media? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BITCH NO. If you could kill off one species of animal, which would it be? Can gnats like????? not???????? Idk if they have a single useful function????????? What kind of cookies are your favorite? Chocolate chip. Who’d you last say I love you to? My mom. What’s the most overpaid job in your opinion? I'm not educated on this enough to give you an informed answer. What’s the last thing you wrote down? Working out a math problem during the assessment. When’s the last time you didn’t sleep in your own bed? Over a month ago. When’s the last time you heard a gunshot? Idk. Who’d you get mad at last? Myself. What’s the last thing that annoyed you? Bentley wouldn't listen. When’s the last time you gave someone advice? I think yesterday? Do you think you’re lucky, unlucky, or neither? Neither. Who did you last disappoint? Myself. Do you enjoy learning? Of course!!!! I mean there're subjects I have no interest in and don't enjoy, but learning as a whole is great. People say you learn something new every day, so what did you learn today? Well it was nothing big, but that I could return Miku before she got hurt since Mitsu didn't appreciate a new "buddy." Yes or no: eyebrow piercings? They can look super badass or awful depending on your face and eyebrow thickness imo. When I say The Beatles, what is the first song that comes to mind? "Yellow Submarine" even tho I hate that song???? In your opinion, what is the very worst type of weather? Hot and humid, especially with no breeze. Just no. You can only listen to 1 band for the rest of your life, who do you pick? DON'T MAKE ME. What is something that you had to learn the hard way? DON'T. THINK. A RELATIONSHIP. IS WITHOUT A SINGLE CHANCE. OF. SOMEONE. LEAVING. EVEN. IN THE MOST "SECURE" ONES. When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking? Ahhhh I'm not sure. Either something with Mom or Sara. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mom. If your ex called you right now, would you answer? I don't have his number, so I wouldn't answer. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Sara. Do you want your tongue pierced? It is. 10/10 recommend for cute factor, but 0/10 for the healing process and pain asjfawiwo. Mine's through the very tip of my tongue and because that area is so sensitive, it was so painful that I became immediately nauseous. Pain didn't entirely vanish for almost two weeks. BUT I have zero regrets, so worth it. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yeah. What’s one thing in your life that you wish you could change? Financial position. Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? Ha, don't ever believe those exist. Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart the most? Nope. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Ummm I don't believe so. Well, I don't know if I'd take back going all the way or whatever the fuck that was, maybe I would. idk Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I'm capable, but I don't enjoy it at all. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yeah, being in a shit mood and/or being impulsive with my words. Do you like french fries? Who the FUCK sayin no to this. Have you ever ate so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? To some degree/in certain aspects. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? Probs brownies. Have you ever played a drinking game? Which ones? No. Are you good with managing your finances? I don't. Not in that position yet. What is the closest pizza place to your house? Domino's. Do you have any silly nicknames or pet names? Hmmmm no. Are you any good at drawing? Some things. Is there anything unusual about your house? No. Can you maintain a text conversation or do you run out of things to say? I think I'm good at keeping *text* convos going, surprisingly. Do you find it hard to talk to strangers, even people who work in stores? YEAH!!!!!!! Have you ever tasted goat’s milk? No. Did you ever take classes for a musical instrument when you were younger? Yup. Band member all through middle school, stopped after my junior year of HS. Do you snore when you sleep? No, but I talk a loooot. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Jason's dad was in the Navy. What religion are you? Theist, which basically just entails me believing there's a god/goddess/some sorta beginning deity, but hell if I know anything about them. I make my own guesses. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license or my own car. What is the last thing you untruthfully denied? Hm. I'm not sure. Have you ever ridden on a real train? No. Name ONE good memory about your last ex? He's absolutely hilarious and I miss hanging out more! Would you consider yourself dishonest? Not gonna bullshit and claim I never am, but in general, no. Do you tend to let people break through your walls easily? HAHA YEAH RIGHT. What are you superstitious about? Nothing. What is the coolest thing you can do? Oh boy, hell if I know. I know from experience people are often surprised how even skittish animals/pets seem to be drawn to me; does that count? Is there anyone you want to hook up with that you haven’t? Not my thing.

[divinebronzegoddess]

For those who didn’t know, I recently lost my brother. That’s why I’ve been a bit MIA.

I received this beautiful picture (Dot Art from Australia) from one of my favorite people and readers in the whole world. She has always supported me from the day that I knew of her existence, even if she didn’t understand or agree with what I was writing. Last year, she sent me snowflakes (with words inside) when we didn’t get any snow. This year, we got snow, lol. I can’t tell you how much this means to me. I will put it near my desk where I can see it every day (and where all the literal “magic” happens) to make sure that I remember why I love doing what I do. Thank you so much, Falala. I hope you don’t mind me sharing. My Muse is alight with love and gratitude. ❤

I also heard that the royal baby shares a birthday with our Falala. Happy birthday, darling!

Danger—Aussie accent ahead. Turn away now.

Oh, song lyrics in here, too. So, for those who don’t like song lyrics, you might want to skip that part, too.

All other previous disclaimers still apply.

Chapter 80—Melbourne Mischief 

ANASTASIA

“You should get a social media page,” Laura says as the four of us are enjoying dinner at the Paradise Restaurant. I look at her like she’s grown five heads.

“I can’t do that,” I reply.

“Why not?”

“Because Christian likes his privacy…” I look over at Christian.

“I didn’t say Christian should get a social media page,” she interjects. “I didn’t even say you and Christian should get a social media page. I said you should get a social media page. No offense, Christian.” To my surprise, my husband doesn’t protest.

“I’m an extension of Christian,” I tell her. “We’re in the public eye a lot—the press, the tabloids… If I sneeze, the gossip rags are printing that I have the flu before someone can say ‘bless you.’” She shakes her head.

“Ana, President Obama has a Twitter page. You need to be on social media. Everything that you’ve told me that you’re trying to do—exposure for your center, your battle with the medical licensing board—you can reach exponentially more people with a social media page.” I shake my head.

“I don’t know,” I tell her, still looking to Christian for backup and getting none. “We need to consult our public relations people.” She frowns again.

“You have to ask your public relations people if you can start an Instagram?” she asks bemused.

“Yes,” I say. “The simplest things can become wildfires if they’re not contained properly.”

“And there’s those monsters again…” she mumbles.

“No, no,” I tell her. “Those aren’t monsters. Those are harsh realities. Just before we came on this trip, we had just put a lawsuit to bed for an idiot who flashed me an offensive tattoo on live radio.”

“Ana,” Laura begins in disbelief, “are you honestly telling me that you two sued someone for having a bad tattoo?”

“No,” Christian finally interjects. “We sued him for being an asshole.”

“Oh, they’re doing that now in the states?” she says. “Maybe I need to go back for a while. There’s a few I’d like to drag through litigation—one in particular…”

“Ovah moi dedd body!” Jaxon says, drawing a chuckle from me and Christian.

“We didn’t sue him because of the tattoo,” I say, bringing the story back around, “But the tattoo started it. I was doing live radio shows for a while—just local stuff, but talking about the Center and my situation with the medical board. This jerk was on one of the highest rated radio shows in Seattle…”

I share the unflattering story of Rossiter flashing me on the air and subsequently assaulting my dad, the “mysterious” beating that led to the defamation suit, and Rossiter finally agreeing to leave town, all without using his name. Laura now frowns deeply and stares at me.

“Who exactly are you guys?” she asks. I sigh. Here we go…

“Take out your phone and Google ‘Christian Grey’ with an ‘e’ and ‘GEH Enterprises.’” She raises a brow.

“Google?” she says incredulously.

“Google,” I reinforce. She shrugs and takes out her phone. After swiping the screen, she taps some words into her phone… and then she’s silent for a solid three minutes.

“I take it you found him,” I say. She raises wide eyes to me.

“Jesus, Ana, this is you?” she asks. I shrug, not quite sure what she’s looking at. “He’s worth more than Jaxon’s whole fucking family! And they’re worth a lot!”

“Yeah, he’s got a penny or two to rub together,” I say.

“A penny?” she says incredulously. “Seriously, Ana?” She turns to Christian. “Industry giant with interests, even here in Australia. How do I not know who he is?”

“Well, I don’t know, but everybody else does,” I lament. “It was actually quite refreshing to be around people who didn’t know who we were.” She whistles and shuts the screen down.

“Well, at least you’re not the mob,” she says as she puts her phone away. Thank God! I didn’t want anything to get weird between us because of who we are.

Our dining experience in Paradise turns out to be just that… an experience, that is. To begin, the restaurant is themed like a garden… the Garden of Eden, if I were to guess. There are people—hosts and hostesses of sorts—interacting with the diners. They’re running around like water sprites or flower children or something, communing with the earth while they engage you in their folly. They have names like Blossom, Idalia, and Apollo, and they greet you at the door or they walk along with the server as he’s bringing you some spacy drink.

Blossom comes along with our first drink, a Frozen Paradise Daiquiri Fishbowl… and yes, it’s really served in a goldfish bowl—with four metal straws. In her spacy little way, she tells us about Paradise. She tells us about the water sprite in the swing hanging from the ceiling that’s about a whole story above us with a train from her dress that hangs all the way down to the floor. She then tells us the plight of the acrobatic fairies dangling from the cage-like crescent moon also hanging precariously from the ceiling. In addition to the servers, I’d say there’s about seven to ten performers that engage diners in conversation and interactive garden play.

The food leaves nothing to be desired. Beautiful, colorful dishes in natural and garden themes are as tasty as they are creative, and the four of us feast and fill on beautifully artistic presentations of exotic and delicious foods that we would never think to order if we weren’t on a luxury cruise, including exquisite cheeses, truffles, and delicacies that I can’t even pronounce, let alone recognize.

Our food has been consumed and our first drink devoured when Apollo follows the second server over to our table with yet another frozen drink. This one is inside of four separate globes with straws inside. It’s some kind of rainbow drink made with multicolor jellybean vodka and lemonade. When the server leaves, I take a sip of my drink while Apollo decides to “mime” out each of our names. He did a mini-dance representing the King of Pop for Jaxon. He crossed his body for Christian, which I thought was strange since Catholics—and not Christians—are known for crossing their body.

Not to be confused with an eagle or a seagull, I scissor my hands at the thumbs and gently flutter my fingers. Apollo immediately guesses a butterfly. Laura just makes a universal sign for the sun, so he calls her Solari. I have no idea why she did that, and I have no idea what physical representation he would have come up with for her name.

The entire establishment is multileveled, and you can explore it from a ramp that spirals around the edge and connects to each level. Once the meal is complete, I decide to stroll up the ramp and observe the goings-on of the establishment. Christian declines the invitation, deciding instead to “watch me walk.” I shrug, take my globe, and begin my stroll around the restaurant and lounge.

“He’s been attentive this evening,” Laura observes when we get to the second level. He’s always attentive, but she’s right… tonight more than usual.

“He has,” I acknowledge while observing the activities on the main floor. “What did you say to him?” I ask before sipping my drink.

“Nothing much,” she says, unfazed. “I think I may have just given him a different perspective of a situation he already knew.” I nod.

“Like you did for me,” I say, raising my eyes to her. She leans on the rail and faces me.

“It’s like I said, Ana,” she says, “same… but different.” She takes a sip of her drink. “Knowing what I know about the two of you now, I understand why he reacted how he did to our conversation. I wish I had known before, but I’m certain that I wouldn’t have handled it differently if I had.”

I’m not sure I’m at all comfortable with her digging into my husband’s brain that way. If you think my monsters are something, you aint seen nothin’ yet!

“Christian is… a strong personality, unwilling to show any weakness, but not incapable of feeling it,” I warn, a little more firmly than I intend.

“I know that, and so does he,” she says, again unfazed. “What I find so remarkable about this relationship is how protective the two of you are of each other. You fight hard, but you love harder. It makes for a very intense relationship, but if you’re not careful, it can also make for a very short lifespan.” I frown deeply.

“Are you talking about us or our relationship?” I ask, somewhat appalled.

“Both,” she says. “Your fires burn hot for each other, but if either or both of you dump all of yourselves into it at the beginning, there’s nothing of you left. Eventually, if you can’t always have that spark—that fire—that you feel right now, you’ll begin to resent each other for not being that person that lit that spark in the first place, and you’ll hate the fact that you lost yourself in the process. And let’s face it—that’s not good for your health, and neither is constantly worrying about the well-being of the other; not trusting their instincts to do and be the right thing, make the right decisions, or know what’s good for them and what’s not. You’re both protectors—even to your own detriment. You need to know when to protect and when to allow yourself to be protected.

“You must find a medium where you settle into happy contentment—where he looks at you the way that he’s looking at you right now not because you’ve detoxed and decompressed and you’re glowing from the spa and you’re wearing a knockout dress, but simply because the atmosphere of the room changed because you’re in it now.

“I don’t know why we met, Ana,” she says, turning back to view the activities below. “I don’t know what brought us together, but you already know that I’m a firm believer in fate and destiny and all things mystical. You meet me and a few days later, you’re highly unnerved by a spiritual disturbance and here I am… and you haven’t seen your shrink in weeks. Coincidence?”

“I don’t believe in coincidences,” I say, never looking at her.

“Let him be him,” she says, her voice comforting, “and you be you. Let life happen and take every advantage or opportunity to be happy. Prepare for the unexpected, but when the bad comes, work your way through it, and when you’re done, rejoice in overcoming it. And Ana, by no means am I telling you to love your husband less. I’m only stressing that you don’t forget to love you in the process. Am I making any sense?” I sigh.

“More than I would like to admit,” I say, moving away from the rail and walking up the ramp a little more. I’m the shrink. I should have known these answers long ago, and it took someone who has no fucking clue whatsoever to help me see the light and get through one of the biggest obstacles I’ve ever had to face. It makes be feel… different… about my profession and how things are handled… how people handle me…

“He adores you,” she says. And I him, I think to myself. “And he knows that we’re talking about him.” I look down at him and see his eyes fixed on me. I lean on the rail again and gaze at him—his sexy new haircut and how good he looks in his slacks and blazer, his shirt open just a bit at the collar… a button or two, I think.

He looks scrumptious, and my mouth waters just looking at him. I run my tongue over my straw, take a drink, then suggestively wipe the corners of my mouth.

“You two could fuck without even touching each other,” Laura observes. Her voice intrudes my thoughts and I look over at her.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” I lie, finishing my drink and placing it on the bar-ledge of the railing before beginning my trek back down the ramp.

“I’m sure you do,” she laughs, “and I’m sure you’ve done it more than once.” She falls in step behind me. “Don’t be ashamed of your passion, enjoy it! Most people live their entire lives never once feeling what the two of you feel for each other.”

“You confuse me,” I say when we get to the bottom of the ramp. “In one breath, you warn me about allowing my passion to burn too hard and in the next breath, you tell me not to be ashamed of it and to enjoy it. Which one is it?” She raises a brow at me.

“Don’t you know, doctor?” she asks, and I suddenly feel like I’m talking to Ace’s Smartastic ass again. I turn and begin to walk briskly away from her.

“Ana,” she calls firmly, and I stop, folding my arms and looking at her. I’m a little tipsy from the alcohol… maybe more than a little, but I’m still pissed.

“You don’t like that,” she says, closing the space between us. “Why?”

“I get tired of people assuming that because I’m a psychiatrist that I have all the mental answers. I don’t! If I did, I’d be on a mountain in Tibet somewhere, handing out valuable tidbits of knowledge while people came from all over the world just to hear my wisdom! I certainly wouldn’t be running away from dead people on an island and I certainly wouldn’t be seeing a shrink myself!”

There, I’ve said it. I don’t have all the answers. I never even claimed to have all the answers. Why do people assume that just because I have a Ph.D. and M.D. behind my name that I automatically have all the answers—even to my own problems? It’s infuriating!

“I see,” Laura says coolly. “That was presumptuous of me and I apologize.”

Suddenly, I’m taken aback by that statement. No one who ever expected me to know it all ever apologized to me. They just continued to argue that I should know… even Ace. Now, I’m wishing I had some of my drink left.

“What I should have said is that we’re human and we have to find happiness wherever we can. You and Christian find extreme happiness in your passion. Go with that, but in the process, please remember who Ana is. Go ahead and get lost in the passion… just don’t lose yourself completely. Does that make sense?”

That’s the same thing Michelangelo said to me when I talked to him about the whole submissive thing a while back. Now, Laura’s saying it, too… and Christian said something the other night about our scene, but my head is too cloudy to remember it right now.

“Can we please stop with the serious talk I need to have some fun,” I say almost in one breath. Laura smiles and as if on cue, Apollo meets us at the bottom of the ramp.

“Butterfly, Solaris, come.” I frown at first as he takes our hands and leads us through the clouds.

“Fly, Butterfly,” he says as he mimics the gesture I did earlier to denote my name, so I fly. He leads me and Laura to the stage and instructs her to “shine” because the flowers need sunlight to grow and the birds and butterflies need sunlight to flourish. On the other side of the stage is the girl who said something yesterday about my hickeys. She’s some kind of bird.

I won’t fuck with your flight if you don’t fuck with mine.

Luckily, we all have fun fluttering around the Garden of Eden in Paradise and there’s no need for a butterfly to take a bite out of a bird’s ass because she stays on her side of the garden.

It’s late when we emerge from Paradise, and it’s clear that Laura and Jaxon are feeling a bit amorous.

“Whadya sy we call it a noight, love?” Jaxon says suggestively to his wife.

“I’d say you lead, and I’ll follow,” she replies coquettishly. They turn their attention to us.

“Whaht’s tha plan foh tomorrow?” Jaxon asks. “OI see ya didn’t book any excuhrsions.”

“Well,” Christian says, “we’re just going to see what sites we can in the city. You know we’ll be debarking in Melbourne.”

“Yeah,” Laura whines with a frown and her shoulders fall. “That makes me sad. It was really great sailing with you guys, Ana,” she adds trying to hide her disappointment. “Do you know what time you’ll be leaving the ship?” Christian and I look at each other and he shrugs.

“Not really sure,” he says. “I guess we’ll wake whenever the sun wakes us, then have breakfast and leave after that.”

“Whoi don’t we meet fah brekky?” Jaxon says. “Have one lahst meal befoh ya shove off?”

“Oh, that sounds so depressing,” Laura says, “but let’s. I’ll help you set up a Facebook and Twitter page so that we can keep in touch.” I raise my brow at her. “You don’t have to use your real name. Just let me know if you decide to change it.” I nod.

“Okay, that sounds like a plan. Christian?” I say.

“How’s 10:00?” he asks.

Pehrfect!” Jaxon says. “We’ll see yah in tha mohrnin’.”

Once a slightly distressed Laura heads off to be comforted by her husband, Christian takes my hand and leads me through the deck and outside.

“We should think about planning a trip to Italy,” he says softly. “You know I wanted to go this summer, but with Pops’ passing…”

“It couldn’t be avoided,” I interrupt. “The family had to be together.” He looks at me and nods.

“You’re so beautiful, Butterfly,” he says just above a whisper. “Do you have any idea what you mean to me?”

“Yes, Christian, I do,” I reply just as softly. His brow furrows as he pushes his fingers into my hair and cups the side of my face.

“Do you really?” he asks a bit more earnestly. “Do you really know that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself without you? That I’m not just saying that?”

Laura’s words choose this moment to come back to me, about losing yourself in the other person. We’ll have to talk about that… but now isn’t the time.

“Yes, my darling,” I say softly, “I do know.” I cup his opposite cheek with my hand. “I know.” He presses his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. I feel his fear and uncertainty. I don’t know what Laura said to him, but I need him to know that this is where I want to be.

“I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next for us, Christian,” I say softly, “for our family.” He raises his gaze to mine. “The future doesn’t seem so scary anymore…”

And it really doesn’t.

“No?” he says, somewhat surprised. I shake my head.

“No,” I reinforce. “I mean the unknown will always be a little frightening, but it’s not terrifying. I know I can handle it… and I know that we can conquer anything as long as we work together.” His lips form a flat line.

“Yes,” he breathes, pressing his forehead to mine again, “as long as we work together.”

I feel his caution, but I don’t know what’s causing it. I’m wondering what Laura said to him and if that’s why he’s feeling so rudderless. I pull back from him and meet his gaze again, giving him a reassuring smile.

“I like this look,” I say, running my fingers through the extremely short but soft waves in his hair. “I think you should keep it.”

“I thought you might not like it,” he says, running his own hand over his cut. “I know how you like to play with my hair.” I tighten my fingers in the short strands and he stifles a gasp.

“I still can,” I point out, “but I may have to get used to not seeing the JBF look you have when you grab at it yourself.”

“If you can grab it, I can grab it,” he proclaims. Our gazes lock and he leans down and presses a soft and sensual kiss to my lips, his tongue caressing mine just once and sparking a small fire inside of me.

“Come,” he breathes. “Let’s go gaze at the stars for our last night aboard.”

He leads me to the very top deck—the “adults only” deck. There’s no one up here, but there are chaises around for lounging and enjoying the view. I haven’t seen many children on this cruise, but apparently, they’re not allowed on this deck.

Christian removes his blazer and reclines on the chaise, gesturing for me to come to him. I sit on his lap and after a bit of adjustment, nestle myself sideways between his legs, after which he drapes his jacket around my body. I settle into the warmth and look at the sky. It’s amazing to me how the Australia night sky looks so much different than the Seattle night sky. It’s all connected… isn’t it the same sky after all?

Then I put that Ph.D. mind to work. Even though it’s the same sky, the constellations that Seattle sees at midnight in December are definitely going to be different than the constellations that Australia sees at midnight in December. Same sky, different constellations.

“Same, but different,” I say softly.

“Hmm?” Christian says, his voice content. Well, I can’t leave that hanging out there, especially not knowing what Laura said to him.

“I was just admiring the clear sky and thinking that it looks so much different than the Seattle sky at night. I’m not into astronomy, but I wonder if we ever get this sky during the course of the year.”

“Hmm,’ he says again. “That’s a good question. Without a bunch of charts and diagrams, that’s something we’ll probably never know. For all we know, this particular sky may not show up on our side of the world until noon.” I twist my lips.

“You’re right…” hence the comment, same, but different… like you and me.

“What made you think of that?” he asks.

“Just the fact that the sky looks so different, but it’s the same sky,” I tell him. “This may sound silly, but it reminds me of that song from An American Tail.” I look up at him and see absolutely no recognition in his eyes. Okay, I forgot. This is the man who hasn’t met many fairytales or cartoons—none at all, in fact, before me.

“An American Tail is about a family of Russian mice who travel to America for a better life…”

“Oh, a Disney movie,” he says, some realization in his voice. Close enough.

“A cartoon, yes,” I say. “During the ride, Fievel—one of the mice—gets thrown from the ship. He manages to make it to New York, but now he’s separated from his family. The entire story is about Fievel trying to reunite with his family, but while his mother and father think he’s dead, his sister is convinced that he’s still alive. At some point in the movie, Fievel and his sister Tanya are both looking at the night sky and singing the song, Somewhere Out There…”

“Wait,” he interrupts. “That song came from a cartoon?” he asks. I chuckle.

“Yes,” I tell him. “Fievel and Tanya are looking at the night sky in different parts of New York saying that even though they’re apart, they might be wishing on the same bright star and…”

“Sleeping underneath the same big sky,” he finishes. I look up at him and smile.

“Yeah,” I say.

“Wow,” he says incredulously. “I wonder how many other songs came from cartoons that I never knew about.”

“Well, let me think,” I say, trying to scan through my brain and think of the songs that I know. “Colors of the Wind by Vanessa Williams…”

“Which one did that come from?”

“Pocahontas,” I reply. “Remember Grandmother Willow, the tree behind the door in the twins’ room that creeped you out when you first saw it?”

“Yeah… oh, yeah, Pocahontas,” he says.

“A Whole New World by um… Regina Belle and Peabo Bryson,” I continue. He frowns and shakes his head. “I can show you the world shining, shimmering splendid…”

Still no recognition comes across my husband’s face, so I sing the chorus…

“A whole new world, a dazzling place I never knew…”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve heard that,” he says finally.

“That’s from Alladin, the cartoon with the big blue genie. You’ll definitely have to see that one now that Robin Williams is gone.” He frowns.

“What does Alladin have to do with Robin Williams?” he asks.

“He was the voice of the big, blue genie,” I say. My husband’s mouth forms an “o.”

“Circle of Life, Elton John,” I continue, attempting to get away from the morbid, “The Lion King.”

“Geez, I feel so out of touch,” he says.

“Don’t,” I comfort him. “There’s no way for you to know this at this point until you had children. Wait until you get to the really old stuff, like Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” He twists his lips.

“Oh, come on,” he jibes. “That’s just some word kids made up.” I release a high-pitched scoff.

“No, it’s not! It’s a song from Mary Poppins!” I correct him.

“Mary… I don’t believe you!” he protests. “Sing it!” I immediately break into song.

“It’s Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious. If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Um-dittle-ittl-ittl-um-dittle-I, Um-dittle-ittl-ittl-um-dittle-I…”

“Okay! Okay! I believe you!” he stops me. I can’t help but laugh, because if you’ve never heard the song before, it goes so fast that it can be kind of shocking. I lay my head on his lap and look up at the stars again once I’ve contained my laughter.

“You’re a great mom,” he says softly. “Our children are so lucky.” I put my hand on his chest and push off of him so that I can look in his eyes.

“They have a great dad, too, Christian,” I say. “You’re kind, generous, protective to a fault… and you love them…”

“But I left them…” he interjects, “and you.” I swallow hard and take in a deep breath.

“And hopefully, you’ve seen the err of your ways and you’ll never do it again,” I reply. He gazes at me for a long moment.

“I’ll never do it again,” he whispers. Here’s hoping…

“Good,” I say, and lean up and kiss him softly. Our gazes lock when I pull away, and he pulls me to him and kisses me earnestly.

Remember that spark that I referenced earlier? Yeah, it’s a full-blown blaze now! He’s grabbing my ass and groping my breast; his tongue is plunging into my mouth, exploring every crevice as he holds me captive against his body. I can barely breathe as he devours me like a starving man and I’m powerless to his will.

We neck on the upper deck for what feels like hours until I’m so aflame that I could fuck him right out here in the open. Then, he tells me that he just needs to hold me—like he did that night in Anguilla. Part of me wants to stomp and pout—why didn’t he tell me this before he got me all worked up? And then I think about it. We’ve fucked for like half the trip. I can keep my hormones in check for at least a night.

Alright, Mr. Grey. I’ll behave myself and snuggle.

CHRISTIAN

My wife is looking flawless in a black and white fitted striped maxi-dress as we head to breakfast on Friday morning. Her original hickeys have faded a bit, but she has a new, smaller one on the other side. She displays them like badges of honor with her back and shoulders bare. I think she looks simply scrumptious.

So as not to look like a total toad next to my exquisite wife, I go with a Beckham-esque look with black jeans and a black button-up. I leave Jason to get our bags off the ship and to the jet, which should already be at Tullamarine Airport, and Lawrence will accompany us for the day. He has decided to wear a suit today, and I assume that Jason may have had a talk with him about his effectiveness in Sydney.

We meet Jaxon and Laura at the Bistro for breakfast since Butterfly liked it the last time we ate here.

“You two are a really handsome couple,” Laura says when we enter the restaurant. “Your security looks really sharp today. What’s the plan?”

“So far, we’ve only made plans to see the Melbourne Aquarium,” Butterfly says. “Not sure where to go from there.”

“Don’t be afryed to ahsk the locals what’s poppin’ ta’dy,” Jaxon says. “OI can sy check out Fed Square. Lots ta do and see thehre. St. Paul’s Cathedral is a soite, or the Austraylian Centah of the Moving Image. And thehre’s lots of street aht if yah touh the city on foot. Ohr you cahn tayke a look around Queen Victohria Mahrket or Luna Pahrk.”

I got most of that… I think.

Laura helps Butterfly set up a Facebook and Instagram page under and assumed name with the option to change it once we talk to Mac about the implications of a social media presence.

“It can be really helpful to you,” Laura says. “It’s a great way to connect if it’s done correctly… like us.”

“Here, take my email and my cell number,” Butterfly says. Laura nods.

“I’m so accustomed to social media, I forgot those were options,” she laughs, pulling out her cell phone.

We feast on a breakfast of gourmet French toast made with cinnamon-brown-sugar brioche and served with syrup and fresh fruit; apple-cinnamon crepes topped with apple compote and vanilla yogurt; seafood crepes made with baby shrimp, fish, surimi, and mushrooms in a velouté sauce; flat iron steak with tarragon-Hollandaise sauce; corned beef hash and eggs; sweet potato French fries, Café Mocha, and Mimosas.

Jaxon tells us about going to Melbourne strictly to visit his mom’s grave. He doesn’t tour the city at all to avoid running into his overly snobby relatives.

“OI’d love foh them ta meet you,” he says before taking a bite of his steak. “Thaht wood cuhrtainly tyke the wind outta thehr sayls!”

“I wouldn’t mind making the trip with you,” I tell him once I swallow some of my seafood crepe. He shakes his head.

“OI think it’d be an exsahcoise in futility,” he says. “Some people ahre jes too fahr gone.” I nod and devour more of this delicious seafood crepe. Jesus, Gail or Ms. Solomon may have to find a recipe for this.

We dawdle as long as we can before we finish our breakfast and move to debark the ship. Jason has taken care of packing our things and double-checking the cabin to be sure everything is leaving the ship with us. I had to pull a lot of strings for us to be able to debark in Melbourne. First, I was supposed to get the request to the cruise line a week before we took our trip… in writing! I hit the antiquated fax machine the day before we flew out to Sidney. I needed—and received—a response the same day.

Getting off the ship in Melbourne instead of sailing back to Sidney was a little costly and a bit of a trial. We had four people who had to “check out” of the cruise much like you check out of a hotel. If I hadn’t, they would have listed the four of us as missing passengers. Luckily, when we flew out of the states and into Australia, our passports were already stamped. So, we didn’t have the hassle of having the cruise line vouch for us and handle our immigration issues because we were already stamped in.

I did, however, have to pay for the entire cruise for four people as well as an additional fine for each of us to get off the boat even though we didn’t cruise for the last two days of the trip. It’s not that the money is any big issue, but I am a bit miffed at our travel agent who insisted that Barossa Valley was an absolute must to see wine country…

The entire goddamn continent is wine country!

For the reaction that Butterfly had to Port Arthur, we could have skipped that part of the trip and toured the Tamar Valley or any of the numerous other locations that boast wine tours. I’m sure that my wife would have much rather been traipsing through rows of fresh grapes, tasting delicious wines, cheeses, and truffles, and enjoying an education on Shirazes, Cabernets, and Rieslings than trying to shake off the burdensome spirits of the dead!

The trip and itinerary through the Barossa Valley are the only part of the trip that was actually planned for us. I believe the agent is getting some kind of kickback for booking it. It better be a-fucking-mazing or I’m reaming her a fucking new one when we get back to Seattle. I’m already going to take a bite out of her ass for what is clearly a set-up. I’m sure that there are other ports we could have visited besides Port Arthur, and I’m not happy about that at all.

When I’ve signed every possible form and nodded a hundred times that I understood that we had to make our own way back to Sydney—or in our case, home—I send Jason on his way to the airport to secure the jet and to get us and our luggage to Adelaide later this evening. Once again, Lawrence stays with me and Butterfly. Once we’re on Melbourne soil, Jaxon and I bid one another a heartfelt and fond farewell with promises and intentions of seeing each other again. Tearing Laura and Butterfly apart, however, is proving to be a Herculean feat!

“I feel like I’m saying goodbye to one of my sisters,” Laura sniffs. Butterfly smiles.

“Then we’ll just have to make sure that we see each other again, won’t we?” my wife says. Laura nods, still in Butterfly’s arms.

“You take care of yourself,” she says, her voice cracking, “and don’t forget our talk.”

“I won’t forget,” Butterfly says, “not a word.” They hug again before they release and Butterfly hugs Jaxon goodbye. I wrap my arms around Laura.

“I won’t forget either,” I say quietly in her ear. She scoffs a sob.

“Take care of her,” she whispers. “She adores you, and she’ll do anything for you. Treasure that and make sure she knows that you do.” I pull away from her and look into her tear-filled eyes.

“Excellent advice that I intend to take,” I say softly before placing a gentle kiss on her tear-stained cheek.

“Ay!” Jaxon barks. “Don’t ya be givin’ ahll ma smooches awy!” He moves closer to us. “Goh grope yah own woife!” Laura chuckles.

“He wasn’t groping me,” she protests.

“OI saw the mate with a handful o’ me Lahrie!” Jaxon jibes. “Thaht’s gropin’ as far as OI’m concuhned! And the kissies on yah cheek! Whaht wass’at?”

Laura raises her brow and shakes her head. That’s when I realize that this performance is strictly the stop his “Laurie’s” crying.

“My apologies, sir,” I say, placing my hand on my chest and mocking extreme contrition.

“OI’ll let ya sloide this toime,” Jaxon says, pointing a finger at me, “but don’t let it happen again!”

We quickly part ways to keep Laura from weeping again and flag a taxi to our first destination, the Sea Life Melbourne Aquarium. Butterfly doesn’t get to the aquarium anymore, and it used to be one of her favorite pastimes. I knew for certain that we would visit this place the moment I knew that Melbourne would be one of our ports of call.

Once we pass the admissions counter, we go down this colorful hallway to a darkened room and a large round glass tank—very large, like nearly the size of the room. It’s called the Bay of Rays—as in sting rays—and it’s a 360-degree tank that looks almost like the bottom of the ocean and you can walk around it and see the different fish inside. I’m more than a little squeamish of sting rays.

“Be careful, baby,” I say as she leans over into the tank to get a closer look. She looks up at me.

“They’re very gentle, Christian,” she consoles, but I’m not convinced.

“Isn’t… didn’t… Isn’t that what killed the Crocodile Hunter?” I say quietly, so that the nearby children don’t hear my question. Butterfly stands.

“Well, yes, but that was different,” she says softly, also aware of the children around her. “First, he was in the wild submerged in the water with the thing. Second, from nose to barb, that stingray was longer than you are tall, and it felt threatened. I’m sure these specimens are accustomed to people. And third, I don’t want to be that close to a stingray. So, keep your shirt on, Mr. Grey.”

I guess I shouldn’t be too afraid of these specimens. They’re coexisting just fine with several other fish in the large, circular tank. The children don’t seem to be intimidated at all, but I can’t help it. We’re talking about my beautiful Butterfly here. I can’t discount the fact that a beloved conservationist and zoologist was killed by one of these things.

They look like they actually have fins instead of barbs, though, and when they swim to the side of the tank, they look like they’re smiling at you. As long as she doesn’t get into the tank with the damn things and they stay on that side of the glass, I guess I’ll be okay.

Our next stop is the Rockpools. Now, even though there is no deadly sea life in this area, it’s interactive, which means that you can stick your hand in the tank. Butterfly quickly takes advantage of this opportunity, seizing the moment to touch “sea stars” and shark eggs. No thank you.

“What’s the difference between a sea star and a star fish?” I ask the young guy on the other side of the exhibit.

“There’s no difference,” he tells me. “A sea star has a calcified skin that protects them from most predators, but they’re often called starfish when they’re not fish at all. They’re simply invertebrates with no backbones, like sea urchins and sponges. Would you like to hold one, sir?” I put my hand up and shake my head.

“Oh, no thank you,” I tell him. “I’ll just take pictures of the beautiful nature lover here,” I say, as I snap a picture of Butterfly closely examining a red and yellow star fish, er… I mean, sea star.

The Ancient Ocean provides information on prehistoric sea life, including some specimens that are still around, like the mudskippers and the pig-nosed turtles. My wife is totally immersed in the display, awed by the large teeth on the outside of the tank, said to be the actual size of the prehistoric Megladon. I’m not as enraptured by the whole experience as she is. However, I take great joy in watching her have so much fun, so we could spend the entire day here for all I care.

We take an escalator to the lower level, where we find the Coral Caves and the Art Aquarium. Now, the Coral Caves were nice to see, with all the nemo fish painted on the wall, but the shining moment for me is the Art Aquarium. My very adult wife with two twin children at home sits down at the child-sized table and colors a picture of a fish. I take several pictures in case she wants to later deny this moment… but it gets better. You scan this picture into some high-tech projector video whatever thingy and you wait for a minute and what happens?

Your fish appears on the screen—a simulated fish tank with fish on it that other “kids” have colored—and your fish is alive and swimming in the tank! I thought my wife was going to lose her mind.

There’s even one portion of the aquarium that talks about crabs. Here, we find a large crab shell—the ones the hermit crab carries on its back. There are several facts about crabs all over the wall, including crabs in tanks and the unforgettable fact that a crab can grow a limb back if it loses one. What’s more unforgettable is Butterfly’s interaction with the crab shells on the floor. One is pretty large—about three feet or so—with a glass crab inside, strictly for show. The other is larger, maybe four or four and a half feet round and empty.

My wife crawls inside of the damn thing.

I take several pictures of her crouched inside that thing… just in case she gets stuck, so that I can show our children. No such luck—my wife is a rubber band.

“Now, that’s probably the ugliest thing I’ve seen today,” Butterfly says when she sees the Japanese Spider Crab.

“The day is young, my dear,” I reply, and she swats my arm.

Down a flight of stairs we go to yet another sublevel where we find the Shipwreck Explorer and its guardians, the lionfish. Butterfly is once again mesmerized by this unique fish that I find somewhat unattractive.

“You like that thing?” I ask surprised.

“It’s interesting,” she says. I raise a brow.

“Maybe you’ve found a new favorite fish.” She rubbernecks to me and frowns.

“And replace Marty? Never!” she declares. I laugh.

“I’m sure Marty appreciates your loyalty.” I say as we proceed over to the Mermaid Garden.

Here’s where I discover that the stingrays in the Bay of Rays were not the ones to be concerned about. The ones with the killer barbs are more contained—in large tanks not accessible to the public like the open tank in the first room. However, they’re in this gigantor panoramic Oceanarium with harmless statues of mermaids in various poses as well as not-so-harmless massive sharks and huge stingrays, one of them so large that it basically takes up the entire ceiling above us.

Oh, by the way, idiots—er, I mean, people can choose to scuba dive with the sharks, which is exactly what one idiot is doing along with a guide or something while we watch. I don’t care how tame they are in captivity. You’ve got to be three eggs short a dozen to choose to swim with Jaws, much less pay to do it.

Did I mention that these things are in a very dark room that’s pretty much a 360-degree tank that leads to a tunnel where these things are floating all around us and swimming over our heads?

“Well, I’m thoroughly creeped out,” I say. My wife looks over at me.

“Christian, you really need to chill out,” she says in a soft, scolding voice. “The fish in the open stingray tank were more likely to get us than these are.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” I say as I hurry through the tunnel. My wife, on the other hand, dawdles inside the death tube, communing with the fish and gazing into the “ocean” depths as if she would sink into it and become one with it if she could. I take a picture of her looking so ethereal with her hands pressed against the glass and mesmerized by the fish inside. Then I have to think of something playful to say to snap her out of this faraway look that she often gets when she stares at the water… because it scares me.

“I’m going to change your nickname from Butterfly to Ariel,” I say. She turns to me.

“You remembered,” she says, dreamily and somewhat surprised. Yes, I remembered. I don’t know how I remembered, but I did. It’s a little factoid that was probably stashed back into the recesses of my mind along with the fate of the Gingerbread Man that my mind dug out when I needed a quick and relatable distraction.

“Wonders never cease,” I say, having drawn her daydreaming away from the blue depths. “Just don’t expect me to remember the words to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!” Come out of there now, please, I think to myself as I hold my hand out to her.

“Well, it wouldn’t suit me,” she says, taking my hand. “In theory, a mermaid is a beautiful creature, but she has dragged many men to their deaths. Not only that, but as much as it soothes me, I can’t breathe underwater.”

Exactly my point.

“So at least I don’t have to worry about you leaving me to become King Triton’s mistress,” I jest. She chuckles.

“No, dear,” she says mirthfully, “I’ll keep my feet planted firmly on dry land.”

So, back up the ramp we go to the Crocodile Lair and the Coral Atoll. The Croc Lair… yeah. For starters, there’s a pretty big replica of a fossilized crocodile in the lobby. Upon closer examination, I can’t help but wonder if this thing isn’t some kind of distant cousin to the big ass fucker in the lair! This monster is so big that you’re wondering how the hell did they get him in there and who the fuck feeds him. Fucking hell, while we’re talking, what the fuck do they feed him?

“What the fuck is that?” I murmur to my wife without moving my lips.

“Um, dear, you’re in a crocodile’s lair,” my wife says. “That would be a crocodile.”

“I know what it is!” I quietly snap at her, affronted. “I mean, what the fuck is it?” My wife facepalms herself.

“Come on,” she says, leading me over to the information wall on the beast.

His name is Pinjarra and supposedly, his body is ten times the size of his head. If that’s the case, that thing has a pretty big head! I think somebody miscalculated. He’s about 16 feet long, weighs nearly 1700 pounds, and he’s older than I am. Yeah, what the fuck does he eat? That’s probably why he’s in there by himself… he ate all the other crocodiles!

Oh, and when they’re sitting around with their mouths open like they’re about to chow down on dinner but nothing’s in their mouths, they’re panting like dogs to cool themselves down. How cute… not!

The Coral Atoll is harmless enough. It’s a giant circular and concave tank full of extremely colorful and diverse variations of coral and a variety of fish and sea life, including a green moray eel and several blue fish that my wife keeps referring to as Dory.

Up we go again to yet another level of this never-ending expedition, where we’re able to look down into the lair of the 16-foot monstrosity that we left on the floor below. No thanks, I’ve seen enough of you, buddy.

More to my liking was the Rainforest Adventure. This is a huge tank something like the Bay of Rays, only bigger… and it looks more natural because there are rocks and plants inside, trees with vines draping and extending to one another, and tanks in the walls that either look like caves or are painted with tropical backdrops that mimic the forest

This room is much more calming than just about any room in the aquarium… for me, anyway, except maybe the coral exhibits.

Butterfly wanders around the exhibit leaving me to my own vices. I guess she figures there’s nothing to really creep me out in here.

She figures correctly.

I enjoy being in here and seeing the different harmless species of fauna of this portion of the rainforest, not to mention that it’s very colorful and inviting in here. There’s a very harmless-looking sea turtle or three in the large tank, accompanied by lungfish—so named, I discover, because they’re the only species of fish that can actually breathe air. One school of thought is that the lungfish, which actually has lungs and can live to be 50 years old, is the missing link between humans and fish.

I’ve never dug into or studied evolution as such, and I honestly couldn’t say which school of thought I’m more particular to—that of evolution vs. Creation, that is. I have to say that I ultimately believe that there’s a greater power in the universe, I’m just not really sure how to identify it. I’ve never been particularly religious, but if I had to answer the question, “Is there a God,” I would have to say that my answer would be, “Yes.”

As far as evolution is concerned and the ideas that dinosaurs once roamed the earth and that man was once a water-dwelling being who decided to crawl out of the water, mysteriously grow bones, and become land creatures, I don’t know about all that. I know what the science books say and all that, but I guess if I had to put my theories into words that I would say that life and man came from a combination of both evolution and creation.

It’s too much for me to ponder on a trip to the aquarium. Why does vacation always send me on some kind of introspective spiral? Greece, Anguilla, the MONA, Port Arthur… well, Port Arthur did a number on us both. I guess I can ponder the relationship between man and a prehistoric fish without any problem after that experience!

There’s so much to see in the Rainforest exhibit—frogs, crabs, turtles, and large green snakes that my wife avoids like the plague. Probably the most menacing little guy in the entire display was Boyd’s Forest Dragon, menacing only because he gave Butterfly a little fright. He’s a reptile—very colorful—but he was perched on a branch inside one of the caves and gave her the willies.

There appeared to be fishing poles of some kind attached to the outside of the large circle exhibit, but we never found out what they were for.

We take the escalator back down to the ground floor and I discover that we’re finally on our last leg of our journey. It was educational and informative, even a bit interesting, but it seemed to take forever! I wouldn’t be surprised to find that it’s time to board the plane once we leave this place.

At the foot of the escalator is the Seahorse Pier. Now this is a bit of an extraordinary experience. I’ve always known that seahorses were a thing, but I didn’t know that there were other variations of them. I also never knew that there are these things called sea dragons.

“Butterfly! C’mere, look at this!” I exclaim with the excitement of a third grader. She comes over and examines the new world with me.

The sea horses are easily distinguishable by their familiar shape, but they come in so many sizes and colors. I find myself particularly drawn to a dramatic orange sea horse, just because I’ve never seen them in that color before.

But the sea dragons! Some of them are just long, slender little creatures of different colors that vary in length—some may have a small hump, like a beginning sea horse; others may have a slightly fatter body. The really remarkable ones are the leafy ones! They look like random, stray, leafy pieces of flora in the water. It’s fascinating!

Also in this exhibit is the chameleon of the sea, the giant cuttlefish. He’s a bit of an ugly guy, but he can change the color and texture of his skin to match his surroundings even though he can’t see color. I find that kind of curious. How does he change if he can’t see colors? As it turns out, the tiny nerves and cells in its body can “see” the environment and change colors.

To the left of us is a doorway that leads to the Bay of Rays, so I know we’re back where we started from. However, to the right of us is a movie theater that’s showing a 4D version of a movie called Ice Age.

4D… what the hell does that look like.

“I’ve heard of this. Is this one of the movies I need to see?” I ask my wife. She twists her lips.

“Well, first, it’s a series,” she says. “There’s about four of them out right now. Second, I’m not really sure if this feature is part of the series as I personally haven’t seen them all. And third, nah, you don’t really need to see it if you don’t want to. It’s cute, but not really a classic.”

I nod. No Ice Age for me. I’ve got enough to keep up with.

Speaking of the Ice Age, our last exhibit before we see daylight is the Penguin Playground. Nothing really special here—we just get to watch the penguins frolic and play in a recreation of their natural habitat. We watch the King Penguins with their yellow beaks and chest and impressive size. The King Penguins are smart because if you put something colorful up to the glass, they’ll follow it through the water. Not to be outdone, the gentoo penguins who are known to be the champion swimmers of the two species will follow the colors with even more balletic precision. Though we don’t see any at the aquarium, we’ve come to discover that there are places here in Melbourne, too, where the fairy penguins come in to nest after sunset.

“Jesus, it’s bright as hell out here!” Butterfly says, searching through her bag. I happened to ask one of the cashiers in the gift shop which direction would be best for us to go once we left the aquarium, as I’ve completely forgotten everything Jaxon suggested at breakfast.

“Well, ya got a coupla choices,” she had said. “Ya can take tha 30 strayte down ta Fed Squeh ohr ya can take Weeliams down to Queen Vic.”

She pulls out what looks like a tourist map and shows me in a “you-are-here” type of way where we are and where she’s suggesting that we go.

“Fed Squeh is nice and all—thehr’s lots to see, but you moight want to wayte til dahk, unless ya got tickets to an event or something…” which I don’t. “I prefer Queen Vic duhring this time of day.”

“Queen Vic” is Queen Victoria Market. Both destinations are extremely close, and her description makes me think that there’s not necessarily anything we’d want to see at Federation Square before sundown. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know, but that’s the impression I got. So, when Butterfly finally locates and dons her Jackie-O’s, I look down at my little map and make a decision.

“Where to now?” she says.

Queen Vic it is.

A/N: If, for some reason, you live under a proverbial rock, the Crocodile Hunter was Steve Irwin, world-renowned Australian Zookeeper and conservationist. He had a televised nature program; he owned a zoo in Australia; and I’m told that he was in Dr. Doolittle and Happy Feet. I had seen clips of what I called his crazy antics with animals and he had a lot of close calls. I hope I didn’t offend anyone with that “under a rock” comment, but I didn’t really keep up with the guy and even I knew the day he died. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Irwin#Death

For anyone who may not know, Ariel is of course the main character in The Little Mermaid.

The new question and answer thread is always open for questions about the story. Be sure to read it and please adhere to the rules when asking questions. You can find it on the left, second from last on the menu or you can click HERE.

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Raising Grey: Chapter 80—Melbourne Mischief For those who didn't know, I recently lost my brother. That's why I've been a bit MIA.

[canaryatlaw]

Okay so I’m currently in a car on a potentially periled freeway somewhere in Wisconsin driving home from the P!ATD concert with Jess in the snow, so that’s fun. Today’s been pretty good though. I was glad I was actually able to get my ass out of bed when my alarm went off at 8 this morning because I was tempted to sleep in but I knew that was stupid when I get to sleep in all damn week because I’m not doing anything with my life right now. But I got up and got ready, took the 8:41 bus off to church. The temperature when I woke up and looked at my phone was precisely 1 degree, so I went ahead and retrieved my single digit weather monster coat that I save for these circumstances when it’s really really bad because it’s fucking huge and a pain to deal with (but actually rather successful at staying warm, so that’s good). Made good time despite the weather and got to church like ten minutes before the service started (which is like optimal). The service was very good, as always, but our female pastor was preaching and I always love her messages, lol. She was preaching about being redirected in life and used the time when Moses was stuck in the wilderness for 40 years with the Israelites and particularly the use of his staff (because God would be like “hit this rock with your staff and water will come out” when the people needed water) as a way of leading and just like trusting God and listening when things do not go according to our plans for them. So that was good and the music was really good too. After the service I went to the kids volunteer lounge (where I was late for our little powwow since I didn’t sneak out of the service early because I was sitting more in the front than usual) where we chatted quickly to hear what the game plan was and go from there. Once we had that figured out I went to the babies room and we started getting babies. We only had a few when the service started but then it picked up and we ended up with like 15 lol but we had five people helping so our ratio was still okay. Overall things were actually really calm, only really had like one kid crying at any given point so that was pretty good, I bounced around between a few kids, had a very cute little boy that I was handed when his parents dropped him off who seemed snuggle-inclined at first so I thought he might be clingy but he steadily worked his way off of me and into playing. He was like 8 months old so he was doing a lot of crawling and like turning himself over and such. One little girl had a diaper blow out that looked real bad but thankfully I didn’t have to deal with that. Then I had a little girl for a while that wanted me to sit on the chair in the corner with her on my lap so we did that for a while. But yeah, overall it was pretty good, no real complaints. It was slightly warmer when I was getting ready to leave but I didn’t have enough patience to do public transit an hour home once again so I opted for an Uber pool that was not badly priced. Got home at like 1:50, at which point I retrieved my almost completed Italian rainbow cookies which I had to cover in chocolate still. So I got them out and melted the chocolate candy coating I’d bought for this purpose because it melts really smoothly and is easy to deal with, which it was, and spread it over the top then put it in the fridge to harden for half an hour while I changed and grabbed stuff to get ready. Depending on how snow turned out we wanted to be prepared about the possibility of getting stranded in Milwaukee overnight if it were snowing because Jess’ windshield wipers have been frozen to her car for a few weeks so if that wasn’t remedied and it snowed we could’ve been fucked, so I grabbed a bag and packed pajamas/meds in case we needed to drive back early tomorrow morning. Half an hour later I took the cookies out of the fridge and cut them into actual cookie pieces because it was just one giant cake like thing that had been assembled in layers and now has to be cut. The chocolate cracked a lot on top while I was cutting it despite my efforts to warm up the knife some so that wouldn’t happen, which I was semi-frustrated about but I also knew it was inevitable up to some point because these cookies just tend to be very messy and difficult to keep assembled, but overall I wasn’t that mad. I put them in two Tupperware containers, one for my fridge and one to take with me so Jess can take them to work with her tomorrow (her coworkers are definitely under the impression that we’re lesbians and this will not help that at all but it’s funny). Shortly afterwards Jess came and picked me up and we were off on our way to Milwaukee. So we made most of the drive ok, we were seeing if we could unfreeze her wipers by keeping the heat and the defroster on for the like hour we were driving up to the first Culver’s when we cross over the Wisconsin border (because cheese curds) but they were still frozen in place. So we got food/ice cream (I got ice cream and cheese curds, Jess just got cheese curds and a coke) which we ate there and talked to a few teenage employees who noticed our P!ATD shirts (that we bought yesterday) and asked if we were going to the concert. When we were ready to head out we looked up where there was like an auto shop store of some sort in the general direction we were going and headed there to see if the windshield wiper issue could be fixed. Jess’ little brother had said to get some de-icer fluid to pour over them that should help and we found that but then we talked to an employee who brought us this can of spray (which was much cheaper than a like, gallon of wiper fluid) that was for that specific purpose and had like a scraper at the end of it to assist in removing ice. So we checked out and returned to the parking lot to do this thing. We turned the car on (because heat) and started spraying it everywhere and trying to remove ice where we could. They were pretty solidly frozen so at first them were just like not moving at all but we kept spraying and trying to get them to move and idk if it was something in the spray or just like prolonged exposure to ice but both of us had like, the most painfully frozen fingers while trying to do this, like ohmygoodness it was SO BAD like my fingers have gone numb before but this was just like raw pain and SO COLD so this was truly torture but we kept spraying (and like we were wearing gloves but neither of them were waterproof because we got the same ones from forever 21 in like October when we were freezing in NYC so they were just getting wet and not helping) but we kept fucking spraying and slowly, painfully, we got the wipers free and felt very victorious and then returned to the car to drive the rest of the way and try to unfreeze our very frozen fingers which took like 20 minutes to regain full feeling in our fingers. So we drove the rest of the way to Milwaukee and to the concert venue which when then parked a bit down the street from for the venue that was $15 because the attached parking garage was $40 and we ain’t about that 😂 so we parked and walked and got on a relatively short outdoor line to go through the metal detectors and get our tickets scanned. When I got the tickets from stubhub they were like “must print! Don’t just have it on your phone!!” so I printed them and then we got there and the lady was like “do you have them on your phone? We don’t actually do printed tickets at the venue at all” and I was on top of my shit and had them pulled up on my phone (and because Jess was pestering me to have them ready to go) so we got through without issue. We were up in the nosebleed seats way at the top that had a very steep incline with concrete steps which I am so not about after watching a woman fall down such steps at my cousin’s graduation like two years ago and it was absolutely horrifying so ever since that I’ve been very paranoid about such steps so I was not happy about those but I managed to get to our seats which I was mostly okay with as long as I wasn’t looking directly down and at the stage area instead, lol. So when we got in there there was a girl with a not-excellent blonde wig on singing with two male dancers, so they did that for a while, apparently her name was Betty Who and she was Australian, to her credit she was definitely u Sent from my iPhone

so that was me getting home and emailing my draft from my notes on my phone to my laptop where I will continue typing it now. I just bought like 6 songs off iTunes that I knew but didn’t own lol because the same one is stuck in my head, but now I write. but singer lady to her credit was definitely singing live so that is good. they had a second opener then, two feet, who was fine, they were just...not P!ATD.....and that went on till like 8 so we’d been there for an hour and we’re like....can they just come out now please? but then they’re offstage for a bit and then a ten minute timer appears and that counts down to when they actually get onstage. The musicians were like on three slightly elevated squares in the back of the stage, three brass instrumentalists, a drum set, a set of stringed instruments (two violins and a cello, I believe) who were only onstage for some songs, and then there were there two guitar players (one female, which was cool) at the corners and then there was a front triangular stage area coming out from that (because it was like the symbol of their new album or some shit like that) and then finally as the timer hit zero Brendon Urie popped up to the stage from a little circular area and he like came up relatively fast and jumped as he did so it was just like he was shot out onto the stage, lol. I know they're a band and not just a singer, but he was definitely doing at least 75% of the work. There were some backup vocals from the guitarists but most of it was just him. He had really intense stamina, I know doing a tour like they’re doing takes a ton of energy and he was on top of it the whole time, and his voice was very strong, he used his falsetto a lot and there was never like, a sour note or anything (I know he was in Kinky Boots for a bit and you could tell he had a Broadway-caliber voice). But they started with the newer stuff of course some of which I knew and then brought a piano up and did Nine in the Afternoon which was fun. Then he made his way through the crowd which took like an enter song because he was stopping to hug like every person on the way and it was really cute, at one point there was apparently a nun in the audience and he was like “sister, I’m so glad you’re here!” and he found a kid at one point and talked to him for a few moments which was cute. But he eventually made his way to the back area where there was like vocal equipment and such and there was a piano, not sure if it was the same one or not, that’d been lowered down on a circular stand onto which he got and then he proceeded to play a song while they lifted the piano on the stand up into the air and flew it over the crowd all the way back to the stage and like. I was having so much secondhand anxiety watching him lol which is literally ALL PHANTOM OF THE OPERA’S FAULT because this never used to be a thing but now I’m always like “what if that falls????” and I’m not great with heights sometimes too so I was cringing a bit at that lol but it was overall very impressive. All of the music was very good, prior to when they came onstage they had passed down the row these little pink paper hearts which said on them to put over your phone light during the song “Girls/Girls/Boys” so when that came on we did it and like, whoever organized this whole thing (apparently her name is Leah, so thanks Leah) did a really fucking good job because each like second had the same color hearts but all differed from each other and then the floor seats had a bunch of random colored ones that created a very rainbow effect whereas the other seating areas were more of the blocks of color on the other LGBT flags (or that’s what I thought of it, at least). I’m pretty sure he ended up with like, three pride flags by the end of the song from the audience, he was holding one, had one on as a cape, and then had another one somewhere and like, it was honestly really touching and I was basically on the verge of tears lol it was just so sweet and well done, it was a really good moment. I was happy to see that I did recognize at least a majority of their stuff, I didn't like, follow them super closely over the years but I knew their major stuff and some of their new stuff, so I was satisfied with that, and a lot of the new stuff I’d heard around enough to have a general idea of what it was (the whole thing that started this was the song “High Hopes” because back when we were trying to win Jingle Ball tickets by calling into radio stations every single time the song they’d play to signal the time to call in was High Hopes so it kinda became our joke and then we ended up at the concert, lol). Then when the concert “ended” they of course came back for an encore, during which they sang the classic “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” which he described as “the song that started it all” for them and they had like shots from the music video on the screens at the back of the stage which was definitely a blast from the past lol but it was very fulfilling to see in concert all these years later. He was saying that he’s pretty much been doing this for 15 years now since he was 17 and just like how thankful he is for all his fans that come out and make all this possible and I was feeling very soft about all of it, lol. But yeah, I think that’s the highlights, the whole thing was really very good and I enjoyed it a lot. Once it ended for real we headed out, we were both thirsty but of course all the food vendors had closed up by then and we opted to skip the very long bathroom line on the thought that we’d hit up a gas station or mcdonalds once we get on the freeway. We managed to find the back staircase which was much less crowded than the escalators/main stairs so we managed to make it down relatively quickly. Walked back to the parking garage and made it to the car, only to be stuck in a very long line to check out because the people running the parking garage decided to have people pay going out instead of coming in, and then we discovered they were only accepting card and not cash, so this all resulted in a very, very long and slow moving line that spanned several floors of the parking garage and we had to have spent a solid 25 minutes waiting to get out of the damn place, and Jess was getting nauseous at this point so we just really wanted to get out of there. We finally made it to the front and had to scramble to get a card instead of the exact change we had ready for them in cash 🙄 but then at least we were free and got to the freeway relatively quickly. It had started to snow at this point so visibility in general and especially seeing the lane dividers on the road were getting very difficult to see and like I’ve dealt with that before driving and it’s really fucking scary so Jess was definitely starting to panic, at one point we tried to pull off and run to a gas station but the road was like that we couldn't get to the damn thing from where we were and she was just so anxious at this point we said fuck it and just powered the way through the rest of the way home. Once we got off the freeway the visibility was a lot better since there are like, streetlights and shit, so we could relax a bit after that. But yeah, made it the rest of the way home, Jess dropped me off and I got inside my apartment, changed into my pajamas and then continued writing this and now I am here. It’s just past 2 am but I didn’t take my meds until like 30-ish minutes ago so they’re just really starting to kick in now. I should probably at least try to go to sleep though, not that I have anything in particular I have to do tomorrow but staying up too late is never really a good idea, so I’m going to attempt to go to sleep now, we’ll see how that goes. Goodnight loves. Hope your Monday doesn’t suck.

[canaryatlaw]

Alright, I should get this written so I can actually go to sleep. Today was alright, not the best but not bad. I woke up to my alarm at 10:55 (again, setting up my schedule so I could sleep in multiple days a week was SUCH a good decision) then got ready and made my way down to the DV courthouse for my last shift for the time being, I’m hoping to get back there at some point depending on how the next few months play out. There was an amusing interaction with the sheriffs at the metal detector by the front where one of them was like ‘you work here?” and looking kinda doubtful and the other one was just like “oh yeah, she works here, she’s good” and the first one was like “well if you’re gonna vouch for her she must be good” 😂 it makes life much easier when you can get on the sheriff’s good side, so I try my best to stay there. Got to the clinic, ended up waiting almost an hour for a case, which I spent looking at the secured transactions flashcards I have written up so far. There’s no wifi at the courthouse (grr cook county why) so I just had it pulled up in a tab and was looking at them. I’m definitely going to need to listen to some lectures on the subjects, because there’s only so much I can take in from reading words without an actual explanation of how these things work. But around 1:30 I got pulled in for a case, I was the first one of the volunteers (there were probably like 4 or 5 of us) to get a case, so that made me happy lol I know they give me the more difficult ones because they know I know what I’m doing and they very much appreciate that, lol. It was a fairly typical case, woman filing against the father of her children (they had six kids together) because he wouldn’t stop showing up at her house like every single day, banging on the door and demanding to see her, so obviously that’s not great. He was also like, regularly climbing into her house through a window he had broken, like she’d come home and he’d just be in her house waiting for her, I was a little worried about whether it would be granted or not at first because harassment cases tend to be kind of a toss up, but as we got further into it and there were some physically violent incidents along with threats like “I’m going to do to you what your sister’s husband did to her” because her sister was killed by her husband. so yeah, not great stuff lol. What was really frustrating was when we looked her up in the system, this was like, the 6th year in a row she’s come to file for an order, and each time the case just kinda fell through the cracks, she’d miss a court date and it’d be dismissed, or they couldn’t serve him, just procedural errors that reflect the incompetence of the system.  But we got everything printed and filed, then had to wait quite a while because there was a backlog, which then of course meant once we got to the courtroom there were a ton of people ahead of us, because we were one of the last ones to file since we started an hour late. As soon as we walked into the courtroom and I saw the judge I was like 😑😑😑😑😑😑 she’s probably my least favorite judge currently at the courthouse, I know I’ve talked about her on here before because I’ve had past cases go bad in front of her. She’s young, really young, like she looks like she couldn’t be more than 30 but I know if she’s a judge she’s gotta be at least like, 35, all of which I bring up because younger judges often feel insecure in their positions and then end up overcompensating by lashing out at people. This judge was just extremely condescending and rude, treating the victims like idiots and insisting she take control of the entire process, instead of allowing them to speak she has to control the narrative and if it didn’t fall into her already decided model, then well that sucks for you. I started getting a little more worried at this point because I know the way the affidavit was written could be misleading if they didn’t read it properly (and by properly I mean reading the whole damn affidavit, which seems to be too difficult for some judges 😑), and if she wouldn’t let my client explain it could look like the situation was a lot less extreme than it actually was. So we finally get called, one of the last, it’s at least 5 pm at this point. so my client goes up, and the judge starts being super obnoxious and just snaps at her over literally nothing (she was mad the client would say “yes” before she finished her question???? like that’s not something to get bent out of shape over) and ended up passing the case and said she’d recall it in a minute, which was just like ??? really?? was that necessary?? So my client comes back and she’s like truly bewildered as to what had just happened and what she’d done wrong, and she started crying because she was tired and stressed and just wanted to get through this, and I got really mad because she had been doing so well the entire day, it’s a fairly regular occurrence for people to break down while telling us their story, but she had been doing really well, so seeing this happen when we were so close to the end was really fucking frustrating. but one of the female sheriffs I’m friendly with and I were able to get her to calm down a bit until the case got called again, and I was basically like I know she’s crazy but just humor her for now. So she goes up and I’m really having my fingers crossed this doesn’t blow up in our faces. They get through the introductory questions okay, then she looks at the affidavit and starts questioning why it had taken her a week to come in from the last incident, but she at least allowed my client to explain that him showing up has been a daily occurrence for months now, and that he’d regularly come inside her house without permission, and that seemed to be enough to sway the judge, so she granted the order and I really just had a big sigh of relief, that at least it was over and we got a positive outcome, even if I was still hopping mad about how my client was treated. like seriously, you’re in a courthouse that’s specifically dedicated to domestic violence, you’re dealing with victims here, not criminals, and there is absolutely no excuse for losing your temper on someone who has been brave enough to come here and try to protect themselves when that is really a huge feat. There’s just no fucking excuse. I noted it on my court report I filled out afterwards, but I kinda doubt that is ever going to be taken into consideration because sadly judges are largely untouchable, even when they act inappropriately. sigh. at least we won in the end, and hopefully this one will stick, she seemed very determined that she was going to handle this and I believed her. So we went back downstairs and I tried to control myself but basically exploded at my supervisor about the judge, which she fully understood lol so that helped a bit. But I headed out, it was like 5:45 at this point and The Flash came on at 7, so I was in a bit of a rush. But I walk down to the train station and while waiting for the train I ran into a friend from church who happens to be a lawyer as well, both him and his wife are and they work in public interest law, and they’re just super cool people, so I talked to him for a few minutes about how mad I was mostly haha before the trains showed up and we went in different directions. Train to the bus, bus is slow, so by the time I got home it was like 6:52, so I ran inside and turned on the tv, and was just able to heat up some food and sit down to watch the episode. I was of course excited for this episode because it had Leo in it, even if he’s not *my* Snart, he’s still a great character and I adore Wentworth Miller and his acting. There’s also the fact that we were getting Earth-X Black Siren, which I had mixed feelings about, partially because after the crossover I got really mad that they hadn’t written earth-x Laurel as part of the rebellion, and right after Sara had the confrontation with evil Lance they end up at the rebel HQ and both of them are faced with the sister they had lost and like, tell me that’s not an absolutely brilliant plan for a scene. So knowing they didn’t do that ticked me off, though I guess it makes sense that if Tommy and Oliver were evil Laurel might be too, but I thought her sister being murdered by Nazis would be enough to make her part of the rebellion, but oh well. As far as the actual episode goes, I enjoyed it for the most part, Leo was well used, his lines were always very fitting and witty, and I liked how he just completely saw through Barry in like two seconds. I kinda had to laugh at little at them trying soooooo hard to convince us that the entire team was so broken up about losing Ralph when like, nobody in the audience fucking cares about him and most are glad he’s “dead” (I’m pretty certain they’re gonna bring him back). Siren-X’s powers were pretty cool, the superhearing thing was awesome, and she seemed to be very power as far as her canary cry (siren cry?) goes. I really did like the climax moment when both Leo and Barry are down and Leo just cuts through the crap and gets to Barry, getting him to save the day, I liked it a lot. I feel like Siren-X could’ve been used more, though tbh I really didn’t need a Nazi version of Laurel Lance when we already have an evil version of her. Is there an earth out there where Laurel has powers and is a good person? Because that I’d like to see. Anyway. As soon as that was over I switched to Rise since Black Lightning is over now I can watch that live. It was an okay episode, didn’t really do anything for me, kinda felt like more of a filler than anything else. I laughed when there were like “it’s tech week!” and they hadn’t done a full run through of the show yet because on the one hand I’ve legit opened shows without having done a full run through, but on the other the idea of a school musical with that big of a cast to have not done a full run through until tech is fucking nuts. I also kept laughing at how much the principal was concerned about ticket sales, because ticket sales to the school musical are *obviously* such a huge source of income to the school that he should be this concerned about it (most schools would be lucky if they break even on the money put into the show by ticket sales). So yeah, not my favorite episode, but not bad. After that I was out of current shows to watch so I went back to Game of Thrones which I haven’t watched in a while, and ended watching 2x02. Pretty good episode, I continue to love Arya and just how kick ass she is with everyone, and I’m curious to know how this all plays out. I will say I was kinda confused by the last scene, because I admittedly had not been paying all that much attention, but it looked like Jon Snow was getting chased by a crying baby ?? Lol, that was an amusing thought. I had been slightly distracted because I was officially switching over my twitter account, which meant I was soft blocking all the IRL people to move them to my other account so my old one will just be for internet peeps. So I got that done and ended up being down like 120 followers 😂 but since I unfollowed a bunch of people that count had gone down as well so the disparity isn’t that big. I also changed my handle to match my URL here, so if you want to look me up my @ADACanary there. I have my account temporarily on private just so IRL people don’t get confused, but if you request me and you’re not an IRL person and like, don’t look like a super creeper (lol) I’ll approve you. But yeah, after that I basically started getting ready for bed and here we are. I have a 9:30 am PT appointment tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll at least have more time to study than I would’ve if I had slept in till like, noon lol. And yeah, we’ll go from there. I’m way tired now so I’m gonna head to bed. Goodnight my loves. Sweet dreams.