#really enjoying throwing my sculpture bases actually!

[moldspace]

the moon holding a star

[plazsma]

hey i work at [unspecified plastic building object] land and here are some ninjago statistics i’ve collected from actual children who watch the show in present day from the past few weeks:

“who’s your favourite ninja?”- 95% of the time it’s lloyd. any other time its jay. one time it was nya, another time it was kai. the children do not yearn for glacier.

2. there is a sculpture of nya in ninjago the ride queue that always generates a conversation. however, this sculpture is based off season 5 nya with short hair and her reddish blue gi. the most shocking thing to me… KIDS DONT RECOGNISE HER. i’ve overheard so many “who’s that?” followed by “i don’t know”s and it’s actually whiplash. why are we old

3. a lot of young girls like ninjago! this is really awesome actually because i remember being a little kid and being one of the only girls in my class at the time who liked it and it was heavily marketed as a “boys toy” so it’s nice to see that they are making ninjago for everyone . . . because it is. like everyone can enjoy these little ninja people

4. the ninjago is still IN. i actually before i started working here was worrying ninjago was falling off and the newer generations wouldn’t really care about it but u guys the children DO still yearn for ninjas and it’s very clear. which was a pleasant surprise :3 it’s truly becoming a generational thing as silly as that sounds

i can’t make these into a whole bullet point, but here is some assorted other stuff that i find funny:

kids actually just wear the ninjago pyjamas to the park like as clothes like straight up

the fang blades, jade blades and nya’s sword pack (which btw what even is that she does not use dual swords) fly off the shelves and i truly wonder why because these kids weren’t even around circa tournament of elements era. perhaps they just like throwing swords around

sometimes they dress up in ninja clothes and i always compliment their outfit and show off my keychain (luckily i had a lloyd one on me one day when a kid was dressed as him) and kids LIGHT UP when they know i know what i’m talking about. it’s one of the best parts of my day actually

tune in next time for more [unnamed colourful building toy] land stories everyone

[twistedtummies2]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE! To celebrate in unusual fashion, I present a couple of ref pics for the last of my major Night Raven College OCs, at least for now. I have mentioned him time and time again, but never actually shown him off. Everyone…meet Grit Gravelle. Just like with Theodore and Maelstrom, this art was made by @twisted-brainrot. This was part of a trade that we arranged almost a year ago now; it was more than worth the wait. <3 Grit is based on the Nome King from the movie “Return to Oz” (who is, in turn, somewhat loosely based on the character of the same name from the original Oz books). Like many of my OCs, he is not all he seems at first glance: what you see before you is Grit’s human form. Grit is a half-human, half-Nome hybrid; Nomes, in this universe, are essentially rock monsters - Earth beings who dwell in caves under the ground, and are made of moving stone. They are also absolutely gigantic in size, and consider humans to be a natural form of prey. Grit’s father is a nobleman in the Nome Kingdom, and his mother is a human; the details of how they met and reproduced are sketchy, but as a result, Grit’s true form is a half-human, half-rock monster of gigantic proportions; able to swallow people whole in a single bite, if he chooses.

The word “duplicitous” best suits Grit’s personality. When you first meet him, he’s usually actually quite pleasant. He’s polite, amiable, helpful, and has a sort of impish charm at times; he seems like a pretty nice guy. All of this, however, is a total sham: underneath that seemingly benevolent exterior, Grit has a heart made of stone (perhaps literally). He is sadistic, sneaky, manipulative, and treacherous. He legitimately enjoys causing pain for others who cross him. You can’t trust him as far as you can throw him, and that’s not likely to be very far. However, he isn’t COMPLETELY evil, no more than any of the others at NRC: much of Grit’s cold-blooded untrustworthiness comes from the fact that he, himself, has a difficult time trusting others. More specifically, Grit has a hard time trusting humans and other surface-dwellers.

When Grit was a boy, he always harbored a sort of contempt and distrust for surface-dwelling people. He was envious of them, in some ways, and repulsed by them in others. However, he has always deeply cared for his human mother, Emma. His mother is blind, and Grit is very, VERY protective of her. He sees her as the finest human in the universe, and the only human to whom he shows REAL respect and affection.

Grit’s Unique Magic is called “Ornamentation.” This power allows him to transform any living creature - plant or animal - into a small sculpture; an ornament. The spell can only be broken either by Grit’s direct choice, or by someone placing their hand upon the ornament and speaking the person’s name.

A few fun facts to note: Grit’s stomach actually glows, and this glow is visible through his skin. Inside his belly, his stomach juices have a naturally fluorescent orange hue, almost resembling lava, and his stomach muscles are colored black, with glowing red veins and arteries creating zig-zagging patterns, almost resembling fissures in cooling molten rock. However, his mouth and part of the way down the throat resemble a normal human maw and gullet (minus his sharp, fang-like teeth). Also, I decided to make Grit a big muscular beefcake because…well…it made him different from all my other OCs, really. I had several who were sort of slender and curvaceous, and a couple who were different degrees of plump and chubby, so I thought making him have “rock hard abs” would not only be fun for the sake of silly wordplay, but help to make him different from the rest of the cast. TB was kind enough to draw Grit not only in his “casual” outfit, but also topless, so you can get a nice look at those muscles, and the glow from his belly.

[gba-hacks]

Pokemon Thirst Trap - GBA Hacks

Download Pre-Patched Pokemon Thirst Trap GBA ROM Hack

Creator: Unfolding

Version: 2.0

Hack of:  FireRed

Released: November 24, 2024

Language: English

Status: Progressing

Pokemon Thirst Trap is a GBA ROM Hack by Unfolding based on Pokemon Fire Red in English. It was released on November 24, 2024, and is now available to download.

Sorry to disappoint, but it’s not that kind of thirst! (And not that kind of trap, either…)​

Description

Hi, I’m Unfolding, and this is my second little romhaiku—a term I’ve coined to describe a short yet polished hack focusing on a single concept.

This hack is a silly, completely SFW story about refusing to pay for overpriced water in a terrible tourist trap! It was created for MAGM 7, with the theme of Tourist Trap, and tied for first place with Haven’s Escher Forest—which is an actual masterpiece.

Go play that one, then come back and enjoy this quirky adventure! 😊

Features

A borderline dystopian capitalist world laced with silly, sharp humor.

An obsession with originality – ensuring the hack feels fresh and unique.

A bizarre yet self-consistent premise that keeps you hooked.

Art galore: Paintings and sculptures that evoke deep emotions—and then question you about them.

A mystery that’s as fascinating as it is ridiculous.

The creeping anxiety of not having enough money to survive in a ruthless town.

A bonus boss who outright cheats (and revels in it).

Puzzles galore: obscure game mechanics alongside one incredible puzzle designed by a legendary puzzle maker.

A short but sweet experience: beatable in under 30 seconds for speedrunners, just like Accept Defeat, or about 2 hours for those savoring the absurdity and exploration.

Creator Note

It’s hard but not impossible to throw away money to the point where the game becomes unwinnable, so don’t do that, hahaha. There shouldn’t be much level grinding or anything that’s really tedious, but the bonus boss is pretty tough even with a great team. Feel free to play with save states!

Screenshots

Downloads

Click here: ----> Mediafire

Click here: -----> Mega

Credits

Lu-Ho, for AdvanceMap Haven, for HexManiacAdvance and the FastNewGame script <— This is the guy who made Escher Forest, the hack that this tied with! Pret, for flags.h and misc decomp references Anthroyd, for his Gen III Romhacking tutorial series Shiny, for their Hex Maniac Advance tutorial series Sierraffinity, for their MEGA-HUGE XSE Scripting tutorial Gamefreak and Nintendo, for graphics and everything Pokemon The one and only Andrea Gilbert, for her design of a No-Right-Turn maze and Shiny, Phoenixbound, Yogia16, Archie, Asith, Jordank, Anthroyd, AGSMG, and Haven again, for answering my many dumb questions!

and I always like highlighting some other amazing fanworks in my credits, so: Jdaster64, for TTYD Infinite Pit (and now the Tower of Trials holy crap go play it) CraftyBoss, for SMO Multiplayer Bradley Lovell, for the Looker

[jinxxsims]

*Deep Breath*

Okay, so I started work on this download back when it was 100, but life got busy and when I was able to resume working on it, there were 150. Life got busy again before I was finished, and now there are 250 of you amazing people... but I’m actually getting this thing out there, so yay for that.

There are 61 meshes in this download, and hundreds of recolors. A quick rundown of what’s included:

Some of @aroundthesims 4t2 tattoo parlor set. The chair is cloned from pikkon’s tattoo chair, so it’s a double for the makeover chair. The single rolling drawer is an end table that is slaved to the double sideboard, so you need the double for the single to show up. 

High School Years’ Starry Eyed prom/dance set, which contains the balloon arch (sculpture), backdrop (sculpture), dining table, dining chair, and banquet table, cloned from a very similar table by @veranka-downloads

And finally, I converted at least one thing from every expansion pack and game pack from Sims 4 currently released that hadn’t been converted before, plus a few deco things from Sandy @ ATS that I really wanted in my game.

From top left to bottom right...

Girl Scout cookies (ATS, sculpture) • Pepperidge Farm cookies (ATS, sculpture) • Royal Dansk cookie tin (ATS, sculpture) • Teddy Grams (ATS, sculpture) • Arrrmed Dining Chair (Base Game) • Captain Rodrigo Dining Chair (Base Game) • Salyut Aeronaut Chair (Base Game) • Booping Shnoops (Cats & Dogs, sculpture) • Crate End Table (Cats & Dogs) • Town Statue 4 (Cats & Dogs Debug) • Town Statue 5 (Cats & Dogs Debug) • Fuzzread Article (City Living) • M.A.P. Most Amazing Player (City Living) • Chicken Competition Prize Ribbon (Cottage Living Debug, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and participation ribbon recolors included) • Food Platter (Dine Out Debug) • Party’s Over Chair (Discover University) • Polymer Chameleon Barstool (Discover University) • Very Impressive Lawyery Desk Chair (Discovery University) • Very Impressive Lawyery Desk (Discover University) • Fabric Sampe Book (Dream Home Decorator Debug) • Bougie Burlap Sofa (Eco Lifestyle) • Biochemical Medical (sculpture, Get Famous) • The Queen’s Gossip Chair (Get Famous) • Seat of the House barstool (Get Together) • Doctor of Medicine Diploma & My First Simolean (Get to Work) • Ever-So-Versatile Chillbox End Table (Get to Work) • Modern Metallic Illuminated Display Case (not illuminated, but functional table, Get to Work) • Stainless Steel Fab Slab (Get to Work) • Bubbly Barstool (High School Years) • Cheer Megaphone (sculpture, High School Years) • Clear as Crystal Coffee Table (High School Years) • High School Event Banner (High School Years) • Modest Marcel Dining Chair (High School Years) • Call Me Ottoman (functional living chair, Island Living) • Bug Bite Cure (Journey to Batuu) • Supply Crate (functional end table, Journey to Batuu) • Stool de Selvadorada (Jungle Adventures) • Fenwick the V Banquet Table (3-tiled table, My Wedding Stories) • Not Your Average Firewood Loveseat (Outdoor Retreat) • Timber Log Chair (Outdoor Retreat) • Brohill Barstool (Parenthood) • Magical Crystal Cluster 2, 3, and 4 (Realm of Magic Debug) • Violets are Blue Flower Arranging Station (functional table, Seasons) • Spirit Doll (Snowy Escape) • Pillow for Deep Thoughts (was a throw pillow, but I turned it into a functional bean bag chair, Spa Day) • The Sign Saw You (Strangerville Debug) • You Saw the Sign (Strangerville Debug) • Dead Hawthorn Tree (sculpture, Vampires) • Fenry Chompsalot Jr. (sculpture, Werewolves)

When it comes to the downloads, there are two options for you to choose from. One offers each of the meshes in a separate folder with its recolors and the textures for each so you can pick and choose what you want to keep. The second zip is all the recolors merged with their respective meshes, so there are 61 total files. You only need to download one.

I hope everyone finds at least a few things they can use. Enjoy! And thank you for following! 

Download Individual Files

Download Merged Files

[malereader-inserts]

Christmas Cheer

Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Avengers & Male!Reader Summary: Everyone is spreading the Christmas Cheer Word Count: 1291 A/n: Sorry about unable to post, my laptop still hasn’t been fixed.

Merry Christmas from England :)

New York City.

Its the place you want to be for the holidays, the snow is unbelievably pretty and the decoration always stands out the best than last years. Growing up in New York, Christmas still takes your breath away, if you weren’t feeling the Christmas cheer then doing into downtown New York and you’ll find all the cheer you need.

Still, it was the first time you wouldn’t be spending Christmas with your family. You had lived in the Avengers Base, like many others, and your parents were on holiday for once.

All their kids were out of the house and your parents figured it was back to exploring the world, making the most of their lives. You were fine with it, you like seeing the messages in the family group chat to see your mother busting out her moves on the dance floor at the cruise and it’s always a crack to see your dad on the FlowRider. Your siblings were married with kids or spending their Christmas with their significant other’s family.

Meaning, it was the first time you would be spending Christmas with the team.

You consider them a second family, so you weren’t bothered about spending Christmas with them. The only struggle you had was buying gifts for them, there was a lot more of them than you immediate family, so budgeting was a little harder this year - but, luckily, you planned ahead and started buying gifts at mid-October. 

Peter and his aunt were coming to the base as well to celebrate Christmas. Tony couldn’t have a Christmas by himself with his wife and daughter - Morgan was begging to see her uncles and aunts. Clint decided to bring his family along to the base as well, more like Laura had pestered him about it.

It was a packed household, but, it warmed your heart. The Christmas tree was big enough to have presents under the tree. You put it up the moment it hit December 1st, everyone came in the morning to see you tangled in tinsels.

You remember Sam complaining the loudest that you should have waited for everyone to be up so he could help. He loves doing the decorating the tree. 

Obviously, there was a loud argument on who should put the star on the top, eventually, it was picked that you should do it. You like admiring the tree from time to time. 

The Christmas activities were highly forced by Steve, only because everyone seemed to agree to spend Christmas with each other. So, of course, there was a gingerbread house competition. Everyone knew that everyone in the team was competitive, but you’ve never seen such fury between Bucky and Steve, as Steve was betrayed by Bucky, who loudly teamed up with Tony.

Steve gasped, dramatically, and yanked Banner to be his partner, the poor man was sputtering excuses as you looked at him sympathetically. You had banned Natasha and Clint being in a team together as Clint grumbled and teamed with Wanda as you teamed with Peter, Natasha pulling Sam by the ear to get their spot to join the competition. 

Vision and Rhodey were the judges since they were the most likely not to be biased. Concluding, Tony and Bucky the winner as you and Peter came third, with a sulky second place of Steve and Banner. 

Of course, it had snowed, so there was a snowball fight. This was started by Bruce, surprisingly. He had picked up snow and clumped it into a ball. He was supposed to hit Clint, missed and hit Natasha. 

The silence was deafening when it had happened. 

It was all good when she hastily picked up a clump to throw back at the scientist, who was sure he was dead for. 

You can’t remember the last time you had a snowball fight, it had been years really. It was great fun, especially with a gang of superheroes. No one was backing down in the fight, it had only stopped when Nick Fury came to visit and he was hit in the face with a stray snowball.

No one knows who threw it. 

(It was Rhodey.)

When that stopped everyone seem to try and play it off as if they weren’t having a snowball fight. You, Peter and Wanda did a few snow angels and inevitable - seeing that Clint had declared a competition on the best snow sculpture, with no teaming up. 

You were doing the judging this time with Bucky by your side, he liked shouting insults towards Steve to overthrow his game. You weren’t surprised that Tony had built his own Iron Man suit with snow. You were surprised to see that Natasha built Spongebob, you were unaware she knew what that was, she doesn’t seem the type to enjoy a cartoon. 

“Does it have to be a grand thing?” You asked as you watched everyone build such great sculptures, taking up the front of the base, luckily they were located in the middle of nowhere.

“Where’s the fun of not doing it ENORMOUS!” 

The winner was Bruce with his sculpture of a massive cat, Clint was sulking when he wasn’t even declared second or third.

“Clint, you built a giant dick, you could have put some detail on it!”

“Go suck some dick, Wilson.”

(Clint was bitter that Sam took second - he built the head of a falcon.)

Christmas has most definitely been the best time of the year. How could possibly forget everyone having a movie week of Christmas movies? Don’t forget a highly toxic argument that rise among the team which was the best Christmas movie.

“It’s clearly Home Alone,” Peter spoke loudly as Banner scoffed.

“No, it’s The Grinch.”

“Okay, just because Hulk is green and so is the Grinch-” 

“Steve!” You called him out as Natasha was busy howling in the background, her side was hurting from laughing too hard.

“I’m just saying Elf is a great movie.”

“Of course you would say that, childish!” Bucky called him out.

“Oh, what do think is the best one then Bucks?”

“It’s a wonderful life,” Bucky said as if it was obvious.

“The guy was going to kill himself, how is that the best Christmas movie?!” Tony argued,��“Come on, guys, it’s Polar Express!”

“Actually, it’s Die Hard.”

“CLINT SHUT UP!” Everyone shouted as he started to crack up again.

“(Y/n), what do you think is the best Christmas movie.”

You put your hands up, “I am not getting involved with this...”

“You suck, man,” Sam announced, with a smirk on his face, “Krampus.”

“That is a horror film,” Rhodey pointed out, looking at Sam as if he was insane.

“A Christmas horror film,” Sam says, hands out with a bright smile.

“I would like to watch that,” Thor piped up, his hand up to talk.

You raised an eyebrow, “For once, Thor had been so quiet that I forgot you were here.”

The argument lasted for a while, but everyone had seemed to forget about it or at least, sweep it under the rug as Christmas was nearing closer. It was lovely to see everyone in a Christmas cheer, wearing lovely and ugly sweaters.

(Bucky had taped a mirror onto his sweater with a note cello taped to the jumper saying “Ugly.” - Tony did not take it well.)

You admired the tree, a few nights before Christmas, excited to open gifts. Though, upon inspection, perhaps you have to be the parent to be holding a black bin bag and collecting everyone’s wrapping present this year.

[evarcana]

Courtiers + Christmas

Sorry, dear anon, it took me ages 😓 well at least I did it before xmas, right?

To avoid the whole discourse about why the bunch of demons and one morally corrupted human are celebrating Christmas, I should say that this is based on the MC inviting the courtiers to celebrate together.

Valdemar🎄😈

Not like they usually pay attention to silly human holidays. But if it is you inviting... “how delightful” - of course Valdemar is coming. The problem is that in their millennia of existence being busy with their research they sort of missed out on what Christmas was about. “MC, don’t give me that look, this is all fairly new”, you don’t even want to what is old for them. But it’s Valdemar so they lock themselves in dungeons and put all their inhuman determination into researching Christmas.

Valdemar’s research is ...advanced. After they excitingly start telling you whether you knew that red in decorations symbolises blood, you decide it’s time to intervene, hand Valdemar list of gifts to buy and encourage them to return to their usual work (who would believe you would ever say it).

They turn to the party/dinner dressed as Santa (or whatever equivalent). Are you shocked? Erm yes... But why are other guests loving it ?! Well they did become sort of xmas expert in less than a week so you guess it’s okay. Expects lots of stories on how Christmas celebrations developed over the last centuries.

Charms your grandma or elderly auntie by being the only person capable of listening about their chronical conditions and actually engaging on the topic. Your little niece/neighbour’s kid loves them too - they expertly removed all those bits of turkey leg they don’t like to eat in less than 5 seconds. Everybody loves them. But Valdemar still spends most of the time telling what a fascinating specimen you are.

When it comes to gift exchange part, you are glad that they only added a few medical books, plague masks and antiseptics to the list, could be worse.., but where is yours present? “You, my little silly duckling, are on the naughty list this year” with this Valdemar gently throws you in their sack grabs you and excuses you both from the party. You try to protest but they only say that they played along for long enough and now it’s their turn to play little game with you. Oh well you can leave early one year, it promises to be worth it.

Valerius 🎁🍷

Every year Valerius receives plenty of invitations to winter holidays parties arranged by the nobles but this is the first time he got invitation to something that personal. Tells you that he needs to check his diary and finally reluctantly agrees only because “there was a rather unfortunate cancellation”. But really in his head he is like “Omg does it mean that I am part of the family now? Cancel all plans NOW.”

Then he learns that you plan to have Christmas dinner/party at your place. The consul of Vesuvia to go to that ...shack?? That’s unthinkable: The party will be in his estate, yes he knows that it’s incredibly generous of him to offer and no you cannot refuse.

And this is when things are getting extra. You know that crazy neighbours competitions whose Christmas lights are brighter and decorations are better? That’s Valerius, although he has nobody to compete with really. The massive xmas tree got delivered from who-knows-where and who-knows-how in 2 days, and there is no red, golden or green decoration item left in stock in entire Vesuvia, oh and some the palace’s best cooks suddenly took a sick leave for a week (no it was Valerius promising them triple wages).

You ask Valerius not to get any expensive presents, otherwise you will feel bad, he did indeed agree that it was reasonable suugestion. Everybody gets presents more expensive than life. The guests surpringly find Valerius a very good host, this might have something to do with those gifts which were definitely extra or with the fact that everybody got merry in like 20 min thanks to all the fancy wine. Valerius is gossip central, argues about politics with your annoying uncle and plays board games with children.

Insists that it would be better if you stay overnight and not travel home late. Falls asleep in chair with drink in hand like an old man. Later that chair somehow migrates to the hallway by the guest bedroom, under the strategically placed mistletoe. Wait, where did red silky robes come from? All planned. Let’s hope that the unfortunate relative of yours is not staying in the same guestwing.

Vlastomil 🎅🏻 🪱

It’s lovely of you to invite him but he is a busy worm man and cannot really leave his children alone. Maybe he can just stop by? “No, MC! Don’t get offended!!”

Then he learns that Christmas is usually about family, does it mean that his children can come as well?? Ugh while you are mumbling something about that worms may not be very comfortable at your place, Vlastomil decides that the Christmas party will be held in his garden so the worms everybody can enjoy it.

Prepare to have a ...thematic Christmas. There is white xmas tree decorated with the shimmery worms and candy canes which have worms wrapped around them. Okay, even you are not the biggest fan of worms you have to admit that the ice sculptures of worms are quite impressive. He even has little nativity scene but with the worms.

Everybody receives crystal tree decoration baubles with live worms inside. Everybody is shocked. Vlastomil explains that it’s only stocking fillers and there are more gifts. (Also crystal baublesare only for transportation, the worms need to be free range, how dare you). The actual gifts are... amazing. Somebody got a scarf that they liked but didn’t have enough money to buy on that day, another person got a album of pin up pictures of snake women even if it was supposed to be a secret interest of theirs and you got that sparkly princess teara you cried for your parents to buy at age 5 but they never did (cmon, x years later, you still like it).

Some little child says that Vlastomil is like Santa with how you he magically read people’s wishes (there there, little one, it’s just the power of gossip), but Vlastomil is vibing: wiggler gets elf outfit from somewhere and you get lots of invitations to “come to sit on Santa’s lap”. Yes you can stay there after all the guests leave (and yes you can keep your sparkly teara on).

Volta 🍪🥛

Was secretly dreaming to be invited since at least October. But is still genuinely surprised when you ask her to come. She asks tonnes of questions: who else is coming, are you sure they would like Volta, what are you going to do, will there be food?

Volta wants to help you with all the preparations. Not like she is super useful but she did dig out from the piles of stuff in her estate and bring you lots of old tree decorations and some nice tableware. She basically spends all your time with you in the build up to Christmas: you decorate the house together, make gingerbread houses (well more like you made one house from the 1000s attempt, they all got eaten before they were actually completed) and pack gifts for everybody.

You warned all the guests that there going to be lots of food this year, and no you finally don’t need to worry about what to do with the leftovers and crying “end me, I am sick of having xmas food for 10 days in a row” because they are not going to be any leftovers. But you didn’t expect Volta to turn up with even more food. “Volta does not want anybody to starve on Christmas!”. She surely eats lots but she is also looking after other people lots, passing them plates with food (just imagine her holding it with both of her tiny hands) and topping up their drinks, she wants everybody to enjoy the dinner.

Everybody at the table is talking of how adorable Volta is, and nobody can even hide tears when Volta presents little hand made gifts that she prepared herself. But Volta humming Christmas carols? How does she even know Christmas carols? This is illegal level of cuteness.

Volta wants to stay to help you to clean up when the dinner is over. It’s quite and it’s only two of you. Oh you might still have some sweet things in the cupboard.

Vulgora🔥🌟

At first super excited to be invited but the next second they ask what is Christmas about and what does it involve. You decorate, eat, chat to people and exchange gifts? That sounds awfully boring to Vulgora. Can they at least smash the tree in the end? What do you mean - NO?!?!

Eager to help too. They need to use their energy somewhere. You are not sure whether it’s the type of help you wanted. You asked them to carry the xmas tree from the market? There are 5 trees in front of the house, one of which is like is almost 10’ tall. You asked them to chop some wood for the fire? Well, there is enough to have a bonfire in the towncentre. But on the positive side, your house is lavishly decorated this year, Vulgora likes the red and golden theme.

Lots of battle stories at the dinner, some of which ...lack xmas spirit a bit. All the gifts are...war themed. Then Vulgora gets bored and wants to fight for the right to cut the turkey/ vegan nut roast, whatever you are having. Oh no. But they can smash nuts with their gauntlets - the guests are impressed and suddenly want more battle stories. On the positive side, it’s definitely not boring this year, Vulgora is load and energetic.

But then suddenly Vulgora suggests you all go outside, when you question them, they say it’s a surprise. It’s hard to believe what you see: they prepared fireworks and sparkle fountains !!! You cannot help but smile watching vulgora excitingly running around setting them all off (but hopefully not setting your house on fire).

You watch firework lighting up the sky with Vulgora hugging you from behind and then..they rugby tackle you to the ground?! Well whether there is snow or not, they want to have a fight. Luckily the fireworks are over and the guests can just...leave you two to it.

[taetaespeaches]

“We’re becoming more of a spectacle than the art.”

namjoon x reader (or oc) genre: fluff word count: 1.7K

a/n: ok so here is a museum date with Joonie which was requested ages ago. This is part of the long term Joon/Daisy couple in which they are trying to shift their relationship from a supposed to be one night stand to an actual romantic relationship. It kind of follows after “Please don’t cry”, in which they have a argument/discussion about wanting to get to know each other better outside of Namjoon’s apartment- that fic is not necessary to read for this one, It just shows that these two have been making the effort to date properly, despite having already been intimate. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading! :)) 

AFTER a taking an excessive amount of public transport, your anxiety bubbling over the fear of getting lost, you finally arrived at the museum. Looking down at your phone, you saw the text from your date saying he was waiting for you at the entrance of the Lotte Museum of Art, which was at the base of the Lotte World Tower.

Approaching the building, maneuvering your way through the bustling crowds, you spotted your tall handsome man, his eyes scanning the sea of people. When his eyes found yours, his stunning smile overtook his face as he waved cutely at you, standing a little taller.

Though the relationship wasn’t labeled yet, you had been on a few dates at this point, most of them taking place in cafes or perusing small shops. However, it was still a little strange seeing him out in public. A good strange, just different. You returned the smile as you walked toward him, your heart racing at the sight of him because he was there, waiting for you. Only you.

“Babe,” he called out happily when you neared him.

“Next time we’re coming together, I was so fucking scared of getting lost,” you complained with a chuckle, Namjoon’s eyes shooting around the crowd at your loud and public vulgarity, though he chuckled at the outburst.

“I’m sorry,” he smiled as you appeared in front of him, his hand finding your lower back as he leaned forward, leaving a quick but sweet kiss to your lips. “Next time we come together,” he grinned.

“Hi,” you greeted him with a smile, Joon moving his hand from your lower back to swing around your shoulders, pulling you against his side as he walked you toward the doors of the museum.

“I already paid for our entry,” he told you before pressing another kiss to your temple as he held out a brochure of the exhibit you were about to see.

“Ooh, Dan Flavin, right?” You asked as you took the brochure.

“Yeah, he basically abandoned painting for creating these amazing pieces using fluorescent lights, and space,” Namjoon told you as you entered the museum.

“Did you learn all that from this or did you do prior research,” you asked with a smirk, Namjoon letting out an embarrassed breathy chuckle.

“I may have done a bit of research when planning this date,” he told you, dimples on display as you giggled at him.

“You’re adorable,” you cooed as you turned your attention to the pamphlet. You silently read over the information until you found a section you particularly liked, reading it out loud. “Flavin summed up his practice as ‘decisions to combine traditions of painting and sculpture in architecture with acts of electric light defining space.’ The result is a phenomenological experience where the work of art must be experienced in person by a viewer,” you read. “Flavin was taking color out of the confines of the canvas and into our corporeal space.”

Namjoon hummed thoughtfully as he navigated through the museum, leading you both toward the exhibit hall.

“You know, that’s kind of like you,” you told him as you continued to peruse the information in your hands.

Your date thoughtfully looked down at you as he studied your expression while you read. Stopping his movements, you glanced up at him, meeting his gaze. Raising your eyebrows in question, Namjoon gave you a small smile. “What do you mean kind of like me?”

You opened your mouth to speak but stalled a moment as you gathered your thoughts. “With your music,” you told him, Namjoon’s eyes widening in surprise. “You take these traditional styles of hip hop and rap and pop, and even the traditional idol image, and you make them new. You don’t let genre confine you,” you shrugged, unaware of how much your words meant to the man standing beside you.

As you stared up at him, his gaze intense and unwavering, you felt your cheeks flush. “What?”

Namjoon let out a small chuckle as he shook his head. “You’re just amazing,” he told you, resting his forehead against your own. “I don’t think you even know how amazing you are and that’s just fucking shocking to me,” he whispered before his hand found the back of your head as he brought his lips to yours.

You eagerly kissed him back, not unaware that you were in a public space but just not caring in that moment as you allowed him to deepen the kiss for just a moment. Smiling against his lips, you reluctantly pulled away.

“Ok, that’s enough pda for now,” you smirked, Namjoon blushing. “As much as I like you being obsessed with me,” you teased him, Namjoon throwing his head back laughing, “we’re becoming more of a spectacle than the art.”

Your date slowly took a look around at the eyeing pupils surrounding you, a bashful smile overtaking his face as he squeezed his eyes shut. In that moment, he looked so young and excited, and you found yourself admiring the dual presence of youth and maturity he carried around with him.

“You know,” he started, grabbing your hand as he led you into the exhibit. “I’m only a little bit obsessed with you.”  

“Oh, just a little bit, huh?” You asked him with an amused smile.

“Little bit,” he told you, holding his fingers up to show you the miniscule amount of obsession he had for you.

“Well,” you shot him a cocky smirk. “Just give me more time to impress you with my wildly interesting mind,” you playfully bragged as you both entered the Dan Flavin: Lights exhibit, the darkened rooms illuminated with different colors of fluorescent lights. “Then you’ll be the proper amount of obsessed,” you informed him as your eyes fell on the displays. While you were figuring out what to make of the installations, Namjoon’s eyes were on you, admiring the way the colorful lights shined on your face.

Stepping behind you, he wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head. “You’ve left several impressions, don’t worry about that, Babe,” he whispered to you before he started walking, both of you stepping closer to one of the displays. “What do you think of this one?”

The display featured a simple structure of a few fluorescent lights sitting perpendicular to each other against the corner of the walls, casting a green and blue glow.

“Can I be honest?” You asked, Namjoon humming a confirmation against your temple. “I don’t really get it,” you giggled. “Like it’s interesting to look at, but what does it mean?”

Namjoon looked at the piece thoughtfully before speaking. “I don’t know, I don’t think the meaning is necessarily as important as the feelings it evokes.”

You smiled at that but dipped your head to look down at your feet bashfully, your shoes glowing in green and blue light. “I love art, and I love the almost lack of clarity that comes with abstract media, but to be completely blatant, I don’t understand what the fuck Mr. Flavin was doing with these fluorescent lights,” you bit your lip, turning your face toward Namjoon’s just in time to see his mouth spread into a wide smile as a laugh fell from his lips.

You both turned toward the piece again as Namjoon told you, “it makes me feel calm.”

Your lips curved upward at the comment as you nodded. “I get that. I feel a bit melancholy looking at it.” Namjoon looked toward you again as his arms slid off your body, his eyes following you as you made your way to another display.

Slowly following behind you, he watched as you turned toward the lights, your side profile illuminated with pink and orange hues. He found himself pulling his phone out of his pocket and he shot a few photos of you in the glow of the art. Turning to find him, you caught him taking photos and smiled bashfully before pulling a few silly faces as he walked  toward you, snapping photos as he neared you.

“I like this one more,” you told him. “It’s warm. Makes me feel comforted.”

Namjoon smiled at you as he nodded. “I agree. Kind of gives off the feeling of compassion.” With his dimples on display, his eyes kind and attentive as he looked back at you, his face glowing in pink with orange highlights, your heart raced as feelings of intense tenderness and fondness rushed through your being.

“Maybe even the feeling of love. Giving love, receiving love,” you whispered as the realization hit you that you may be falling in love with him.

The smile on his face only widened as he let out a single breathy laugh before nodding. “Yeah, love. I feel that too.”

It wasn’t a confession- not yet, at least, but more an admission to yourselves of where your feelings were headed. “Hang on,” you told him suddenly as you pulled out your own phone. “We better get a few shots of you, you know, for your twitter,” you grinned. You were using the excuse of twitter updates to cover up the fact that you just wanted to capture Namjoon in this moment, and he knew that, nodding exaggeratedly.

“Of course, for twitter,” he smiled as he prepared to pose, though you had already started snapping photos. “This definitely won’t be your phone background later I’m sure,” he teased, you chuckling as you shook your head.

“Shut up and pose,” you defended weakly with a smile, Namjoon laughing as you captured the moment to look back on.  

Namjoon wouldn’t find out for another week that your phone background just happened to be a photo of him mid-laugh, his skin cast in a warm glow of pink and orange lights. But he would reveal at the same time that his background was you pulling a ridiculous face, slightly blurred, cast in the same light.

After taking a few photos of Namjoon for him to actually post on twitter for his fans, he walked toward you, you holding out the phone to show him the shots. “These suitable for you, Mr. Kim?” You asked, however he ignored your question and the photos, grabbing your face between his hands and crashing his lips to yours.

Your hands hung to your sides in surprise as you pulled back a bit, smiling at the way he chased your lips. “More pda? Control yourself,” you teased, Namjoon scoffing as he chuckled.

“Shut up and kiss me,” he told you as he pressed his mouth to yours again. This time your hands gripped the sides of his abdomen, allowing him to deepen the kiss, because, well, if he insisted.

[emilycollins00]

A3 actors! Art in bloom

Type: One shot

Pairing: Miyoshi Kazunari x Reader

Theme: Passion / Art / Clash

Contrary to what many people and even classmates of yours thought, being an art student was not something you should chose to do lightly.

Sure, it seemed enjoyable, cute even. But no one ever talked about how many hours you would spend with a single portrait, drafting about abstract concepts or trying to discern at two in the morning whether a sculpture should turn more sideways or look at the ground to create a deeper perspective. 

Art was wild.

But you loved it and, why not admit it, you took it pretty seriously. Maybe a tiny bit more than most people.

That’s why you had always liked how Kazunari Miyoshi, although being the loud person he was, frequently went on and on with you discussing ideas when there was some debate in class. That brain of his was something else. His works and usual approach when mixing modern and traditional Japanese culture fascinated you. It really did.

But that had been changing lately, and it angered you.

Up until this year you hadn't really cared about it. Everyone had their right to live however they wanted after all.

However, without being able to tell when it began, you started casually observing him. You watched him talk to your other classmates as soon as the lecture, frowned as he concentrated on the draft they had one hour and a half to finish or taking selfies and live videos of the works you all were demanded to do. You even discovered yourself staring and how the sun caressed his profile first hour in the morning.

He had a nice profile.

By that point, something inside you was getting frustrated. He participated in class and attended to the lectures, but at the same time…? you felt he was starting prioritising social media over art, or looking for people for one of his popular mixers, like so many of your other classmates, who had most likely entered this major without much thought, did.

You would understand if he would have a part-time job, but the thought of him being able to do so much more and deciding to stop midway left you speechless.

You wished for him to take more things seriously. 

“Miyoshi, were you able to clean all the supplies from last class?" you called him out between the break. Everyone in class traded places to carry the main boxes with brushes, paints and whatever main source they had to work with each week "Our teacher told me to take some clay from there. I'm planning to use them for my final project, but I can't seem to find the key in the secretary office”

The university student lifted his head from his mobile and tipped on his chin, trying to remember "Supplies from...? Oh man, THAT is why I had them in my working space!” He palped his jeans looking for it “My bad, I was totes in a hurry and just closed as soon as we were done!” 

You contained an exasperated groan “Why would you get the key unless it was to clean the practice room?” 

Kazunari laughed nervously under your intimidating glare “True, true! It's just that I was talking with some friends over the phone and they were in a hurry so…” he showed you the key taking it out of his pocket, maybe to show that at least he hadn’t lost it “Do you need them now? I could go clean for you” 

The vein you had tried so hard to maintain calm popped altogether. Not wanting to keep talking, you rapidly grabbed the key from his hand and headed to take the supplies. God grief how you hated that carefree attitude. 

                                         ……………………..…….

“No prob, dude! Next time just hit me up with a DM and I’ll come running to your uni here! In exchange, I’ll need your help to finish the flyers so…” 

Recognizing the flashy voice, you slowly looked behind, witnessing the blond with another person. Was he meeting with people to play around here too? 

You couldn’t believe it. You all had your final projects deadlines almost spitting in your faces! That’s why you had to come to this other university to ask for permission to use a kiln for your final, as you didn’t have lectures prepared today and your university didn’t have any. Didn’t look like it was Kazunari’s case. 

“Uh? No way, Y/N-pyon!” he waved at you with both hands, confirming it was you indeed, as he got closer “Looking fleek today too! What are you doing here in Yosei?” the person walking next to him whispered something “They’re a friend from my major Tsuzuroon, I told you about them, dude!” 

You mentally scoffed. Without returning his greet and turning on your heels, you headed for the teacher’s office.

 “You said friend but…” Tsuzuru squinted his eyes, watching you leave “…It doesn't look like they like you very much” 

“No worries! Nowadays they are always like that. But their works are so lit! Y/N-pyon is the ultimate remix of you, Ten-ten and Yukki!” 

“That’s… not a good thing, Miyoshi-san”

                            …………………………………………

“Y/N-pyon, about-”

“Miyoshi, sorry. I am on my way to Yosei University to finish my work and unlike your usual approach of work to play, I actually don’t have time to waste”

“Uh? My works are…”

“Are what? I’ve been seeing you doing half-assed things all over the semester. This last week you didn’t even come at the afternoon lectures” you were pretty sure this was just you venting at this point “You’re amazing Miyoshi, I honestly think that, so why? If… If you only put more of yourself into it, your art would be even more unbelievable!”

He went quiet, a rare sight.

“Art it’s not something you just do for laughs; I thought you were one of the few people here that felt the same and-” the phone in your bag started ringing. Head  teacher. Inhaling deeply, you answered it “Yes?”

“Y/N-san? I am so sorry. Could you come to Josey university?” 

Losing the eye contact you had been maintaining with the blond boy, your heart sank as you heard the words ‘kiln’ and ‘malfunction’. “…Please tell me my final project is ok” 

                                       ……………………………….

You stood in silence, looking at the mess when you heard a knock at the door.

“I know I shouldn’t have followed and am expecting you throw me out the door but…” you didn’t move an inch so Kazunari took that as a free pass.

Just as the teacher told you, the electricity in the small building had had an issue and there had been a combustion, meaning, the sculpture you had kept here while working for weeks was now cracked and in shreds. You sniffed, brushing away the tears that were trying to come out from your eyes. All your hard work. All the time spent, had been for nothing.

“The Kiln is burnt. I don’t have anything good to save” you felt emotionally exhausted “Damn, I should have used air dry clay since the beginning… or not tried to sculpt anything” your vision became blurry again “I don’t know why do I make everything more difficult that it is”

Kazunari contemplated the situation, studying the seemingly full cracked sculpture from afar.

“Teach probably told you she would wait for you to turn on the work, right?” He saw you vaguely nodding you head “You got this!” he put his hand on your shoulder, you barely glancing at him “Look, If you still wanna use this base I’ll go ask for some moisturize and clean water to mix. Then I will maintain the upper part as you work down there, not bad idea right?”

You stared at him, finally grasping that he had come all the way here and was now trying to help “Why are you here? I… was being a busybody telling you how to work in our major” you had realized you had crossed the line back then.

Kazunari laughed, shaking his head “You were not saying anything that was a lie though, I don't want to admit it, but it’s true I've been a mess for a while”

“I guess parties require a lot of work” you bite your tongue hard. He was being a decent person trying to help and you couldn’t stop for two seconds to pick on him? You wanted to punch yourself.

“Mmm? Ah, our theatre troupe is almost opening for performance and the next troupe is on practices so flyers and scripts are running at full gas”

You stopped looking at your sculpture. What did he just say about a theatre?

“…What?”

“You’ve never come, Y/N-pyon? Mankai company is the best theatre in Veludo way! You totes should come, I’ll even send you the tickets for our new performance!” before you knew it, he had already DM you what you imagined was all the background information.

The moment you unlocked it, you almost dropped the phone. The photos and drawings of the posters were amazing, and you just knew who it had done “You… never said you had a job”

Kazunari considered what you pointed out. Mankai had managed to recover from what they needed to pay but they still didn't have enough founds “I’ve never thought about our acts as a job thought”

Your mind was a mess. Being an actor and doing publicity didn’t count for him as he studied? No wonder he usually left early! Now you felt even worst. You had behaved like a… “Uh, are these original templates?” you browsed over the performances’ posters, each one more astonishing than the other “This is… wow and this one?” 

He blinked, noticing how the tone of your voice was now more soothing. You had somewhat calm down. He would high-key enjoy hearing you talk to him like that more often “Hey, enough about me. We have work to do”

You agreed, putting away your phone “You’re right but again I… I am sorry, Miyoshi. And thanks, for staying” 

“No prob, Y/N-pyon!” 

“Would you tell me what I could do so you stopped calling me that?” 

“Eeeeeeh why? I think it fits! It's super-duper cute, like you!” 

Thump!

No. You told yourself.

Coming back to your senses you told yourself the warm you felt in your cheeks was due to summer starting earlier. It definitely wasn’t because of Kazunari smile directed at you, helped you or how the sun reflected on his perfect profile as you both started working on your work. 

Art was wild… but it was also an evocative of feelings.

_________________________________________________________

This one has been a difficult one! I wanted Reader to kind of clash with his mindset

Hope you guys enjoy it. Have a wonderful day! 💕

[vanityloves]

❄️and👏 for medic?

thank you for the ask, sorry for replying so late 😭

word count: 731 bc i cant shut up apparently-

❄️ - What are you and (Y/N)’s favorite activities to do when it’s winter/cold out?

Was anyone gonna tell me that New Mexico can drop below 0°F or was I supposed to google that myself 😐 I'm p sure this is just near the mountain ranges but it gets me thinking about some dumb ski trip. No ❤. 

They both like staying indoors and bundling up, especially Chef since they're sensitive to the cold. When winter rolls around both parties get a bit homesick and lonely, since many of the mercs go back home to visit family, the two stay on base (with some others) and are free to do whatever they want until it's work time. Before they become uh, "romantically involved", they'd casually celebrate the holidays together - Chef makes a couple dishes while Medic provides drinks. They typically drink until drunk, aka, Chef can't hold their alcohol, so Medic gets to watch them ramble about something and loosen up.

When they're together, Medic would love to take Chef back to Germany - God forbid he's not actually banned from re-entering the country - to enjoy the snow and sights there! Chef, however, is not accustomed to such a dramatic change in seasons and has to bundle up, big time. It's both funny and sad how they have to layer their clothes and they're a bit over-dramatic about it but so is Medic bc like hell are they getting sick on their trip. If they decide to go around the holidays, they'd visit local Christmas Markets and share warm drinks (Medic gets that hot, spiced wine that Chef chokes drinking, while Chef is a baby and drinks hot chocolate), buy different types of food, look at lights, etc. 

They're cute or whatever so they wanna hold each other's hand or link arms when walking around.

Chef is more hesitant on traveling to Japan bc of Personal Reasons but they convince themselves that they'll be far from their hometown. They take the tour guide role to show Medic around, since both cultures are pretty different. They both get lost in the hustle and bustle but they figure it out. Chef takes them to a colder region/side of Japan to get the Full Winter Experience. Sapporo has a snow festival they can walk around and admire the snow sculptures and lights. Ice skating is bound to happen and they're both surprisingly decent so it's kinda sweet 👉👈. Chef has gone to a hot spring like… twice in their childhood and it's a bit awkward thinking about it but they make Medic experience it anyways. But despite the initial uncertainty,  it's rejuvenating and helps them relax a bit! They definitely make him try oden and nabe/shabu shabu - Medic can't stand the jelly texture of the food and tries so hard to hold back any rude comments/expressions. Nabe/ Shabu shabu is pretty tame, since it's just different types of meats and vegetables cooked in a broth in front of you! 

Chef's more prone to playing in the snow than Medic, mostly bc they haven't grown up with it. It's less of throwing snowballs, moreso, taking their time with walking and listening to the crunch of snow - they're more of a scenic couple rather than thrill seeking, so it's pretty mellow for the most part!

Medic takes Chef shopping for thicker clothes and enjoys introducing them to German cuisine, while Chef takes Medic shopping for snacks and trinkets, taking him to Tokyo would be a trip since it's pretty flashy n the streets are always busy. 

Their cheeks are rosy from the cold and they're a bit tired when they get back to their room so they trudge their way to the bed n plop down. It's always nice to turn to a pile of mush after a long day of walking around.

👏 - What’s your favorite habit of (Y/N)’s?

I think my favorite habit of Medic's is the Variations of his goofy ass 'hoo' bc he sounds either Up To No Good like 'oh ho bastard idea' or He's happy n excited ab something, very "Whaddya see boy?" He has a tendency to just...make noises sometimes which I think is really fun n cute? He just hums a certain way n I'm like 'awh yeah for real? wild' qjsjjdj secret language is just talkin in Hums and Ha's.

[dennou-translations]

Violet Evergarden Gaiden: Chapter 4

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases here.

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Writing letters was similar to singing tunes.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance. I rush anywhere my customers might desire. I am from the Auto-Memories Doll service, Cattleya Baudelaire.”

Such was the pet theory of a certain Auto-Memories Doll, and she truly did think that way.

“Well, I’m going to begin, okay?”

Singing required people to put together a scenario in their heads, and therefore, it was also similar to painting.

“‘Mert, have you been doing fine? Thank you for the letter. Your letters are encouragement for me.’”

The moment she would take a breath to begin writing was when she would start singing.

“My, I mistyped. Let’s do it over.”

Once the recipient received the letter, how would they react? How would they feel about those words?

“It’s natural that you want to tell him to study hard... but if that occupies most of the letter, it’ll get tiring. Your younger brother was pushed into a boarding school, right? It doesn’t look like he’d have much fun there, so I think it’s better to take the direction of saying that he’ll grow up the way you did and become free from home if he puts effort into his studies. But if we write about you praising yourself too much, it’ll get boring, so let’s be moderate. All the more if you want to receive a reply.”

She would picture it in her head.

“Well, then, on from where we stopped.”

There was a beginning and an end to melodies. How they could differ from being remarkable or otherwise gently cheerful depended on the song she was playing, but from the start to the middle, things would gradually become more exciting.

The typewriter’s noise was the piano. The rustling of the fountain pen was the violin. Lastly, the clatter of the cymbal would ensue, bringing it to an end.

“How’s that?”

The finished letter turned into a living being. Each sound of each word danced about, and human vitality could be felt in the smell of ink. The letter had become a story.

Cattleya Baudelaire performed her ghostwriting in that fashion.

Auto-Memories Dolls and their customers were world-building cooperators that created the tales, music and images called “letters”. The more time they spent together and the richer the contents of the letters were, the closer their hearts would be to one another. However, there were people who would reach that level at once, even within an unusually short span.

“Would you... accept going out with me?”

Such as that client.

      Cattleya Baudelaire

      As of late, a certain establishment was popular in Leiden, the capital of Leidenschaftlich.

The owner of the building that used to be a reception hall had reformed it into a space where people could enjoy sweets and music – “Café Magnolia”. The citizens of Leiden admired the place, in which one was only finally allowed to enter through waiting for a month after having made a reservation. It was a desired spot where people would have their eyes watering at the decorations of the marvelous interior and could bask in the music of pianists whom remained there constantly.

The players changed depending on the day and hour. Perhaps because a place where young musicians performed was also a place for seeking patrons, the age range of the visitors was wide.

As they let out emotional sighs, it would seem that Cattleya and the one sitting with her were the youngest in the shop. Just as the rumors had it, the prices in the menu handed to them were high, but as they saw the dishes brought over, they understood the worthiness of the investment. Money could hardly purchase the emotion instigated by a three-level cake stand.

She and her companion decided to pick the items they liked one by one. Firstly, after much indecision, she chose the apple pie. Excitedly bringing closer the plate of apple pie that was next to her, she thrust her fork into it. Upon having one mouthful, she realized that it was what she had wanted. Eating something sweet inside a warm shop was the true pleasure of winter.

Lux Sibyl, who sat across her, was unable to lay her hand on a chocolate cake even as it sat in front of her. It looked extremely delicious. Cattleya wanted to eat it.

As the waiter had brought the cakes in the middle of their conversation, the topic cut off completely at the good part.

“Cattleya, and then what?”

“This is the best... Ah~, really~, thanks for hanging out with me, Lux! Isn’t this place so expensive? Besides, you can’t finish a three-level stand if you don’t love sweets. Everyone told me no, but isn’t that stupid? You’d have to be pretty dumb not to eat this, right?”

“Yep, I think it’s a wonderful shop. Well, then, Cattleya—”

As if to interrupt Lux as she at last uttered those words, Cattleya continued, “By the way, have you heard? Didn’t the President buy some land? Like, the one he made into a base for our production factory. They say there’s a legendary waterfall near that village. If you bring home a stone from the bottom of the water, your dreams come true... How about we go together next time?”

“This kind of legend is no use if you go with someone, right? But that’s not it, Cattleya. I want to get back to the previous topic.”

Putting a sugar block processed into the shape of a star in her tea and mixing it, Cattleya answered, “Ah, the talk about me getting asked out, was it? Yep, I declined.”

“EH~~~~~~?”

Cattleya found herself thinking about strange things, such as how the sugar must be feeling good if it was melting in that kind of tea. It might be that her head was in a daze from the sudden ingestion of too large an amount of sugar. Or was the problem that the two were currently talking about actually the one to blame?

“That’s ‘cause he told me it was on the condition of marriage.”

It was not the first time Cattleya Baudelaire was proposed into a romantic relationship, but that had been the first person to make her conscious of marriage ever since she had been born.

“EH~~~~~~~?”

“Lux, you’re noisy.”

As her voice had indeed been loud, Lux put both hands over her lips after restlessly scanning her surroundings. “Is he that person who came by the company?”

“Right. That person who came by the company is him.”

“I have the feeling he was a cool guy... He’s a bit older than you, but that’s also charming, so to say.”

As Cattleya told her to eat up, Lux finally brought the cake into her mouth. While chewing without uttering her impressions of it, she waited for Cattleya’s next words.

“Lux, you sure enjoy listening to other people’s love matters even though you yourself aren’t in a relationship, huh?”

“I do. I mean, it’s still early for me to be into that stuff, so it’s like an encounter with the unknown...”

Lux Sibyl had the title of president’s secretary, but her figure as she spent her time so peacefully was that of a little girl. Moreover, she had lived most of her life being controlled by a cultist organization, and so she was most certainly a novice to everything. There was no mistaking that Cattleya’s was one of the problems in the textbook of romance between women and men.

“I want to try it one day too, but right now, I want to listen to other people’s stories. Okay, go on.” Lux’s heterochromatic eyes were full of curiosity.

“He runs a perfume store here in Leiden. He’s a perfumer. His name is Chris. I passed by his store a while ago and it seems to be doing well. He also looks like a good man; his face isn’t bad and he’s got a soft demeanor. That’s right, he seems like he’d make a good husband if he got married. He’s a man that women get attached to.”

“Cattleya, don’t you like him?”

Being asked so, Cattleya was deep in thought. Between choosing if he was either her type or not, she would say he was. However...

“I wonder. I don’t really know. He feels different from what I tend to like.”

...the face of one person surfaced in her mind.

“The one I like isn’t a person who’d fall for me, huh.” She rested her chin on her hand and sighed.

“Aah, President Hodgins. Indeed, I think it’s impossible with him. Not because it’s you, Cattleya, or anything of the sort. It’s because the President plays with fire where it won’t harm the company, so with fellow members, that’s… He’s the sort of person who experiences romance in a properly logical way. He just likes romantic relationships and women, so he doesn’t fall in love.” As expected of someone who was always together with him from morning to night, Lux, who usually gave gentle and modest responses regarding other people, described the individual named Claudia Hodgins with her merciless side.

“Hm~. That’s right. President Hodgins. He does give off that feeling after all, doesn’t he?”

“He does. I think President Hodgins is probably waiting for a fated person. It feels like he won’t marry anyone if this person doesn’t show up... But a woman that President Hodgins would throw everything away for and dedicate himself to is just...”

“What about Violet?”

As the name of the friend that both of them had in common was mentioned, Lux made an X with her arms. “Eh~, Violet is his family already. Besides, Violet has... that man.”

“Is that so? I see. It can’t be her.”

“Right, can’t be her. That’s why I told him that I think there’s no such person in the world.”

“What did President Hodgins say?”

“He told me, ‘Little Lux, that’s horrible; I’ll take it out of your pay’. He pretended to be crying.”

Cattleya was able to imagine it and burst into laughter. Lux did not manage to hold back either and giggled with a “huhuhu”.

While the conversation became lively, a second serving of black tea arrived. The next cake she picked was a tart decorated with fruits and candy sculptures. It was expectedly delicious. She wanted Violet, who had come into the topic, to try it as well. She had not seen the latter in a while.

Violet was the most demanded Auto-Memories Doll. She was currently somewhere around the continent. It would have been great if she were present.

“Y'know, I’ll say this because we ended up talking about it... I declined dating him, but I accepted going together for a meal... with Mr. Chris.”

If Violet Evergarden were in that place, what would she have said in reply to Cattleya’s statement?

“Have you become friends with him?”

——Yeah, feels like she’d ask something as off-handed as that.

Although she was not Violet, Lux had a good reaction in her own way. She moved her chair with a clang, pitching forward. The three-level cake stand interfered with the distance between the faces of the duo.

“W-Why? I-Is this the beginning of a for-fun relationship? Cattleya, you do that kind of stuff?”

As it was quite a misunderstanding, Cattleya denied with impressive vigor, “Wrong, wrong! I may have these looks, but I’m pure-hearted when it comes to romance, y’know? What I said when I rejected him was that I couldn’t date on the premise of getting married to someone I didn’t know very well… so the talk turned into ‘then please get to know me’… The other was a client, so I couldn’t strongly refuse him.”

“Eh~, how rare. Isn’t it so Cattleya-ish to firmly tell the people you don’t like that you don’t want it? Were you feeling ill?”

“Oh, Ms. Lux. That’s badmouthing, isn’t it?”

“It would be badmouthing if I were giving a critique, but as a friend, I like that unwavering side of you. Besides, I think that’s essential for Auto-Memories Dolls. Aren’t the female Auto-Memories Dolls actually wooed all the time by the costumers? Like, have you heard the rumors about that girl from the Guardian Company?”

“The one about how she was going to fall into the hands of some big-name politician, but her postman boyfriend showed up climbing the slope, chased him off and confessed to her in the end! I know it! That one really makes my heart race!”

“I get you! To top it off, those two were childhood friends, they say. My, honestly. Isn’t that romance novel level?”

“I really like the climax where he goes, ‘She’s mine~’. From that book you lent me, I mean.”

“The ‘Chronicles of the Star Knight Order’? From the part where the protagonist offers her body to the grandmaster? Chapter three of the second volume?”

“That one~! It’s very similar to what happened. Huh, aren’t we getting off-topic?”

“We are. Sorry, I was the one who deviated from it... Ah, this cake is delicious.”

As the flow of the conversation between the two women turned into a commonplace one, they decided to calm down for a moment.

Cattleya helped herself to a third cup of tea. The pot became empty, and so they requested seconds to a fine-looking waitress.

Customers who ordered the three-level cake stand had free second servings of either black tea or coffee. Cattleya deemed it a good arrangement. Such thoughtfulness was important. She was already starting to think about whom she would come with on her next visit to the place.

“Cattleya, is it okay if I eat the scone?”

“Sure thing. It’s plain, though, but is it tasty?”

“I like it a lot. Might like it more than cake. That’s right, the continuation. When is your date?”

“It’s tomorrow.”

“EH~~~~~~~?”

“Lux, you’re noisy.”

“That’s ‘cause…” Lux protested, her face red. “Hey, hey, if… if you end up thinking after this date that going out with Mr. Chris wouldn’t be so bad, it’d be a date on the premise of going out, wouldn’t it?”

“It would for him, but I...”

“Cattleya, if you don’t have that intention, it’d be fine if you didn’t go, right? You’ll go, won’t you?”

“I will...”

“Then, tell me the results, ‘kay?”

Being asked so with a grin, Cattleya replied with a “if I feel like it”. Lux gave her a sullen look.

Cattleya took her eyes off the complaining Lux, watching the scenery out the window. The roadside trees that would have been filled with fresh verdure if it were summer, their frames devoid of any leaves and completely naked, as well as the outdoors where cold winds blew fiercely appeared somewhat sad. The people walking on the streets had their backs arched, holding the collars of their coats together.

She could also see the figures of postmen running their motorcycles around. Despite not thinking that it was him, Cattleya wound up leaning her body over the window to take a look. It indeed was not him. The other did not have blond hair, and even from far away, she could immediately tell that he had a completely different face and body. He just happened to also be a postman.

“What’s wrong?”

Cattleya had overreacted to a mere postman. Upon being asked the question by Lux, she answered with “nothing”, her voice sounding as though her heart was not there. She sat well-mannered back on her seat.

“Hey, what happened, really?”

“I thought it might be him.”

“Hm? What?” Lux asked again, perhaps not having heard it well.

Puckering her lips, Cattleya answered, “Benedict.” Her tone was prickly.

With an “ah”, Lux soon understood what she had been attempting not to say. Tilting her neck a little, Lux giggled, “Feels like it’s been a long time since he left, huh... Whenever I see someone in the city turn around the corner on a motorcycle, I also find myself thinking that it might be Benedict. Everyone asks me if there isn’t any correspondence from him yet like it’s an every day thing.”

“Aren’t there any letters or postcards from him?”

“Nothing... Hey... Cattleya, today’s the first time you’ve asked about that, right...? Ever since Benedict reported a leave of absence.”

Almost like a child being scolded by an adult, Cattleya dropped her gaze. “Can’t I...? I-I used to fight with him a lot, but we’ve been buddies since the founding days!”

“I didn’t say you can’t, Cattleya.”

“He’s really heartless. He told the President and Violet that he was stepping away from the company!”

“Yup.”

“Even though... Even though I was also there from the start...!”

“Yup. Makes you lonely, huh?”

Lux’s honesty precisely described the feeling that Cattleya had been trying to hide. She was lonely. Except, if she were able to say it, she would not be puckering her lips and spouting complaints.

“I don’t wanna say that I’m lonely even if my mouth splits!”

Cattleya Baudelaire was not that kind of woman.

She pierced a cake with her fork and forcibly thrust it into her mouth. She chewed it, downed it at once with tea, and violently pierced the cake again. It might be that she thought of the cake as if it were Benedict.

“It’s already been three months. Winter is ending and it seems like spring’s about to arrive, huh… Yet the President doesn’t let anyone touch Benedict’s motorcycle... I also haven’t removed him from the employee name register.”

Hearing Lux’s words almost as consolation for her, Cattleya puffed her cheeks. “I’m not lonely!”

“Hm-hm.”

“The President’s being himself too. Simply lets an employee leave when he asks for it without knowing when he’ll be back.”

——I’m a disgusting fellow.

Although the truth was that she did not want to be defaming him, she detested having her feelings exposed.

“Even if he comes back just like that, I won’t talk to him. ‘Cause he left without talking to me,” she spat out her negative emotions as a distraction. She basked in the kindness of Lux, who laughed as if troubled by hearing that.

She had been pondering over someone to listen to what she had to say today in that place. She had chosen Lux.

Lux said gently, as if to soothe her, “I’d be happy if he came back, though…”

It was almost as if she represented Cattleya’s inner thoughts.

“I’m someone who started working there midway, but I think he’s a good person, though he has a foul mouth. After I was brought in by Violet and hired to work under President Hodgins... the one who’d come talk to me every now and then almost looking concerned was Benedict. He’s nice to girls younger than him. Besides, thinking about the company’s management as the President’s secretary, he’s needed. There’s never enough people in the postmen personnel. Many of them soon quit after being recruited and employed, so people like Benedict, who roam around a lot even while complaining and have leadership skills, are really important staff. He should be involved with the company’s management in the future. As the spokesperson of the employees, that is. I’m sure our administrator, the President, feels this way too. Also, Cattleya, there was no helping that you didn’t know. I mean, you were far away because of your Auto-Memories Doll work. It might be that Benedict had wanted to tell you but couldn’t. No, surely he wanted the number of people he had to say goodbye to to be small. Looks like something really terrible happened to him. Violet and the President won’t tell me anything, though. But the two said he’d come back, and Benedict himself has that intention too, so maybe he didn’t say it on purpose. Isn’t he the kind of person who hates sappy stuff, that guy? Let’s wait for our selfish Benedict. I’m also one of the people that he didn’t say anything to.”

Whispered slowly in a quiet and lovely voice, the prolonged statement pierced straight into her chest. Rather than the contents of what was spoken by Lux, Cattleya was stunned at the excessive broadness of her views and the wideness of her heart’s capacity. Lux was a girl younger than her, but could almost be thought of as her mother.

“Why do you have to be such a good kid…?”

She wound up feeling miserable about how immature she was despite being the older one in their afternoon tea party.

After that, they left all sorts of things aside, fooling around and going on a stroll for the first time in a while. They went through bookshops and adorable general stores, as well as fashion boutiques for their respective differing tastes. Whenever the clerks asked, “Are you sisters?”, they would laugh and answer, “We’re colleagues and friends”.

As sunset time came about, they headed to the office, holding several shopping bags. Cattleya tagged along with the diligent Lux, who claimed she wanted to get over with at least a little of the work that she had left undone the previous day.

With nothing to do, Cattleya went to the president’s room. Hodgins was absent, a cactus and small potted plants sitting on the president’s desk instead with an odd sense of displacement to them, as well as a note that used them as paperweight. “Business and dinner. Be back at night,” it said. As she showed it to Lux, the latter deciphered, “This means going out for dinner with the woman he’s making a move on lately” with a displeased face. It seemed he would in fact properly come back at night. That much was a given, for he had his residence in the company.

The two had dinner together afterward and split. As they had talked so much, although she bid her farewells cheerfully, Cattleya felt lonely after walking three steps.

She would be on vacation the next day as well. While dispirited and lonesome from parting ways with someone even though she knew they would see each other again soon, she went home. She spotted a stray cat on the way and gave chase, but did not manage to pet it.

“I’m home.”

Once she sat on the slightly dusty bed of the residence that she did not come back to very often immediately upon arriving, she lay down naturally. She then stirred up with a “shouldn’t do that, shouldn’t do that” and wiped off her make-up.

With her stunning facial features, people frequently thought that Cattleya’s make-up was too dense, but there was actually not much difference from before and after she applied it. As each part of her face had a distinct structure, she would merely look a little younger.

After taking a hot bath, she took out of her closet a negligee that she had bought but never worn and changed into it. Wondering what phase the Moon was in that evening, she looked out the window, but it was not visible. Instead, she could only see the twinkling of a few stars. Dressed in her negligee and brushing her hair, Cattleya eyed the lights of each house. They reminded her that, unlike herself, who was living alone, there were people living in the company of others.

——Married couples are actually amazing, huh.

That form of love, which could be considered a contract carried out all over the world, could not be conceived without a second party. She would probably do it someday. Or so she believed when she was a child, but she had not yet met a man that she would likely marry after having become of age. Perhaps she would never.

——Being with someone for your whole life even though it isn’t a person that you’re in love with would be impossible for me.

Since that was her situation in regards of just marriage, she was even less able to imagine herself having a child. After all, Cattleya thought, she was like a child herself. Even so, as the trends of society were composed in a way that urged her on, she had a vague sense of obligation to do it.

Such sense of obligation caused her to taste a coffee-like bitterness. It was by no means savory.

——I wonder if there’re other girls out there going to sleep with the same feelings as me.

It would be better if not, but she found herself wishing that there were. She hoped said girls had female friends who could tell them that everything was all right.

——I’m glad I have a job.

Working enabled her to deviate a little from the demands that she had as a woman to fulfill such obligation. As she thought about the word “obligation”, it pierced her heart indirectly.

——Benedict didn’t have any obligation to tell me anything.

He had been stuck in her mind all along. Much like a small cut, it ached.

Cattleya had not been allowed into Benedict’s life, plain and simple. Whatever he did was of his own concern. That was all. He was under no commitment to report anything to her.

Nevertheless, Cattleya had intended to get along well with him. They did fight often, but somehow or other, she had the feeling that he was the one she got along with the best. That had been a misunderstanding on her part.

——I’m... always like this.

In Cattleya’s life, it was not one or two times that she had misinterpreted getting along with someone when it was actually not the case.

——‘Cause I’m an idiot.

It might be that everyone was putting up with being together with her.

——I’m... definitely...

Perhaps she was the kind of person who could never become somebody’s significant other.

Thinking about it caused her to feel anxious and sad, tears coming out of her eyes, and so she rolled onto the bed, covering herself past her head with her blankets. Blocking the outside world had her slightly relieved. She pleaded that the morning did not have to come. Her worries and sorrows would all melt away once she was asleep, much like the sugar in her black tea.

——...lonely.

To think Benedict Blue’s absence would make her so weak.

“Give up,” another side of her reveled in her head.

Right. She had no choice but to give up. He was not fond of her and she no longer had room to enter his life.

——I’m lonely.

Rounding up like a fetus, Cattleya fell asleep.

      As if the coldness of the previous day had been a lie, it was warm out in the next morning. Winter was truly about to end.

Cattleya stared outside by the windowsill for a while, but started dressing up as if to shake something off. She had decided what she would wear since the day before. With the face of the person that she was going to meet in mind, she had picked from her various colorful outfits a white cache-cœur​ one-piece. It was slightly open at the chest, but not as much as usual.

When people with plump breasts dressed into clothes that did not fit the curves of their bodies, it would seem as though they had put on weight and their shape would expand into a different width as suggested by the outfit, almost as if they were clad in papier mache. It could be said that her attire was the best one to show for the first time out of her personal clothes.

She had considered putting on a black cape coat, but as the temperature had risen, she went with a lighter beige-rose gown coat. Lining up her nine-centimeter and five-centimeter heel shoes, she chose a five-centimeter one. They were probably only going to have a meal, but if they happened to go for a walk, nine-centimeter heels would take up time and make her feet hurt. After taking out a clutch bag in which only her wallet and lipstick could fit, she was ready.

As she went outside, the landlord of the rented house that she occupied was sitting on a bench at the edge of the road. She greeted him while passing by his side.

In the residential district where Cattleya lived, there were many elderly people living alone, as well as family households. Having been secluding themselves in their homes out of cold during midwinter, the elders were all strolling around. Caught up in their sluggish way of walking upon observing them, her fast pace reduced.

Going down the alleyway that led to the central part of the city, she could hear the sound of a piano from somewhere. The player was most likely a child, but they had probably practiced quite a lot with the windows closed in winter. The playing was more skilled than what she had heard back in autumn. It gave her an extremely real feeling that people were taking root and living their lives. In her continuous commissions, she would rush about every day, ignoring such scenery and sounds.

“Guess I’ll... quit being an Auto-Memories Doll in the future.”

She found herself wanting to lead an unchanging daily routine in that same city. In that sense, someone who worked in a shop fixed within city lines might be the best relationship partner.

      As she approached the front of the restaurant that they were supposed to meet at, regardless of it being a little earlier than the arranged time, the person in question was standing there. It was a man of burned-umber hair, with a thin frame but tall stature. He wore a trench coat over a jacket and shirt. He was the perfumer who ran a popular perfume shop in Leiden.

“Mr. Chris.”

A cache-cœur one-piece had indeed been the right pick, Cattleya thought. The restaurant pointed no dress-coats but the clothes that she had chosen instead. Suitable of a port capital such as Leiden, the restaurant apparently served a delicious shellfish.

“Ms. Cattleya. Thank you for coming. It’s warm today, isn’t it?”

“Yes, spring arrived all at once, huh?”

He casually held out his forearm and guided her into the restaurant. Instead of the sweet scent that Hodgins would have, of something like briars within sweet vanilla, he smelled of refreshing greenery.

——I prefer President Hodgins’s scent.

She was fond of the hunger that she felt whenever sniffing it from nearby. Being enveloped by the smell of something sugary gave her a feeling of glee. Today, too, she had actually wanted to eat cake since morning.

——What did he smell like again?

A blond man who had a bad way with words crossed her mind. Putting on cologne was not his taste. He probably did not smell of anything. One day or other, he would be clad in the scent of rain or reek of sweat – he was the type of man who wore his own odor.

“How about we pick our drinks?”

Having been shown to her seat, she scanned the menu. For safety, she chose a fruity wine as her drink. When reflecting on what to eat, she was informed that a pre-determined meal course had already been prepared. They had escaped having to evaluate in order to decide.

——He’s used to this, huh.

He would smile whenever they locked eyes, and so she would naturally end up smiling too.

“By the way, I got a reply from my little brother to that letter.”

“Ah, how was it?”

“More sincere than the usual. All thanks to you being the one who wrote it. We’re far apart in age, so... even though I find him so cute that I can’t help myself, he’s on one hell of a rebellious phase. It’s been hard to communicate my intentions.”

Starting with appetizers, the two ate in sequence each dish served to them as they were brought over.

“Aah... I understand. I’m on the opposite side. I’m the youngest child, and other than me, there’s nine... older brothers.”

“‘Nine’? That’s incredible.”

The conversation did not feel unpleasant. Back when being commissioned by him, she had felt from the beginning that he was someone easy to interact with. Never had he become incomprehensibly angry or flared up at her. Like how a certain someone would.

“My oldest brother was over ten years older than me, and to a youngest daughter with an older brother like that, the eldest son was someone irritating, ‘cause he’d get praised just by showing up at our house while I was always being scolded.”

“I see. But I’ve also had a tough time in the process of my growth.”

She could tell that he was trying to have her enjoy the conversation. He had an adult composure.

“On top of that, Mr. Chris, we think we can’t compare to people like you, who reign over the other siblings as someone who works hard and is successful, and we’re treated as lesser no matter what we do, so it’s even more complicated.”

“I wonder if that’s like what I feel towards my father. He’s a trader, and I’m no match for him at all.”

“Even though you run such a popular store?”

“I have yet to earn passing marks from my father.”

——Did you ask me out because I reached the passing marks to be your marriage partner?

She used the shellfish to push down the words that seemed about to come out of her throat.

“In my family, it’s customary that everyone has a ship of their own. Want to go for a ride when it gets warmer?”

“That ship is probably not like the kind I have in mind, is it?”

“What were you imagining?”

Being asked so, she answered honestly, “A ferryboat.”

That was a small boat used to move from shore to shore. Chuckling, he replied, “It’s a little bigger than those.”

From the way he laughed, she guessed it was probably quite a huge ship.

Cattleya looked at the man named Christ once again. She liked the gentle eyes that peeked from underneath his burned-umber hair and his slow manner of speaking, she thought. He did not lack anything. On the contrary, she was the one full of defects, which made her want to question why he had chosen her as companion for today.

She attempted asking frankly, “Why... did you ask me out?”

Chris showed an aspect of surprise at the prodding into the heart of the matter, but responded levelly without glossing things over, “I often have to be cautious at work, Ms. Cattleya, so I fancy carefree women like you. It’s fun, like normal. Being with you, that is.”

“Aren’t you being super careful right now?”

“It’s not like that. I mean, sure, I’m making an effort so you’ll enjoy yourself. But there’s an ease to it. You probably wouldn’t be too disappointed if I showed you an ugly side of me in this date, right?”

“‘Ugly side’?”

“Like getting pasta sauce on my shirt. Or letting coins spill out of my wallet when paying the check.”

“I do stuff like that too. I’d ask, ‘what are you doing~’, but I’d help you out.”

“That’s it; this much carelessness is just great. The costumers who visit my store have a demerit system, so there’s no mistaking that we need to have them make their purchases with beautiful gestures and with a sense of refinement to it. I used to think Auto-Memories Dolls were also like that, but you were completely different. The moment we met, you greeted me with a cheerful ‘Hello!’. It was also really easy to get advice for the ghostwriting. We’d just met for the first time, but it felt like I was hanging out with some girl who lived in my neighborhood.”

“O-Our most demanded Doll deals with the costumers in an elegant way, unlike me. I’m... I’m no good. Besides, Mr. Chris, there are many girls like that. Aren’t there some of them among the girls that frequent your store?”

“There aren’t beautiful women who are as easygoing and nice as you at all.”

“Is it about my face?”

“You’re pretty.”

“I...”

“Also, you’re cute. You’re probably much competed for, but I wanted to have you, is what I thought. That’s my reason.”

Being told so, in spite of her embarrassment, Cattleya’s chest filled with happiness. She wondered how someone who could give off such a feeling of certainty was single. She could not refrain from suspecting that he had some sort of dubious habit.

“Mr. Chris, could it be that you’ve been married once and have a child or something?”

“I haven’t yet even taken anyone as my fiancée.”

“Do you wander around night after night as a hobby or anything like that?”

“I have a disposition for getting sleepy as soon as I finish eating. I sleep before midnight.”

“Why are you single?”

“You too, why are you single?”

“I...”

“For starters, why do people get married?”

As his intonation changed, Cattleya looked at him sternly.

“There’s many motives, like the connection of a household and another, the continuation of a bloodline, financial assistance and romance, but don’t you think it’s okay not to be shackled by the contract called marriage?”

“Y-You asked me out on the basis of marrying me, yet you say something like that?”

“Sorry, sorry.” With a downcast look, Chris whispered, “How can I put it?” He wiped droplets from his empty champagne glass with his finger. “People around my age are treated like deviants if they aren’t married... but when you’re not blessed with any opportunities to get married, you end up thinking about lots of stuff. Like, ‘What’s marriage about?’. Or, ‘What’s falling for someone about?’. You see, whenever my parents come to my house, they’ll say, ‘My, there’s so much tableware even though you live by yourself’. I just happen to buy a lot of it because I come home tired and don’t wash the dishes for days. It’s not for someone else. What’s the point of getting married when I’m living for my own sake...? I think... and think...”

——The point of being in a romantic relationship while I’m living for my own sake...

“I can lead a life by myself, and my hobby is making perfumes, so I spend my free time secluded in my workshop. I get extremely happy when I pass by women around the city who wear my perfumes. I think I’d get even happier if I had a lover with me, but then the time I have for making perfumes would be reduced. I also think that, if so, it’d be reasonable to find a good person, get married and move in together. But can this be considered genuine love?”

——Being accepting of others while moving on with your own life. This and pure-heartedness just aren’t compatible.

“I... think you’re a wonderful person. I want to try falling in love with you. But when... impurities like having to marry you break into it, I immediately end up finding it stale. Even though I asked you out as a prerequisite for marrying you.”

“Like. I. Said. Why are you telling me this?”

At the slightly fed-up Cattleya, Chris raised both of his hands. “This is the reason why I can’t get married.” With a troubled frown, he kneaded his shoulder. “I dream with romance often. If I’m going to be in a relationship, I want to do it with being in love as the only point to it. Same goes for getting married. I like you, so just not wanting you to be taken by somebody else is a good enough reason. But when it comes to marriage, the pros and cons get mixed up. I also get stumped when I see the profits that the other person would gain by pursuing me. Even when I do get to date someone, my strength runs out before we go all the way. Like, ‘What, so this wasn’t a genuine one either’... But, if it’s with you... maybe even a straight-laced guy like me, who keeps thinking that love has to be done in a certain way, could age together almost as if we were friends... It’s not like I don’t want to fall in love. It’s that it doesn’t go right.” While speaking, perhaps because it had become difficult for him, Chris rested a hand on his front bangs, hiding his face. “For friends, it doesn’t matter much where you live or what you believe in, right? It’s fun to be with each other, and being together just for that reason is what friends are about. I believe I can have this kind of relationship with you... I’m asking you out on the premise of getting married, so I’ve tried... to put it honestly.”

Silence.

“Is that weird?”

“It’s... not... weird.”

——It’s not weird. It’s not weird at all.

“Even if... someone says it’s weird, I won’t.”

——No, I can’t say it.

After all, she was the same.

“Stupid woman.”

There was a voice in her head. A voice that she was yet unable to forget resounded.

“Cattleya.”

He had only ever called her name a few times.

“You, what’re you doing by yourself? Aah? Old Man left you behind?”

——If I’m going to be in a relationship, then let it be for the sole point of being in love.

“He~y, we’re getting complaints. Did you shake the client’s hand too hard again?”

——Because I like you.

“Old Man! Why’d you let her drink!? It was a pain in the ass sending her home!”

——Because I like you. Because I like you. Because I like you.

The feeling of “I like you” rushed about, almost as a revolving lantern. Her feelings for Benedict Blue were like an electric current.

——Why do I like him?

They were impactful and vibrant.

——The person in front of me is definitely better.

The revelation was unlike any other.

——But, I can’t with him.

It was as if it had been thrown into her face.

——Because love...

...was not electricity-powered.

——No matter what country you’re in, love...

...was not written with the verb “to do” but with “to fall”.

——If I still have someone I like, I can’t be in a relationship out of self-interest.

The one Cattleya had fallen for was not that person.

“Mr. Chris... I... understand.”

She could tell why she was unable to fall for the man named Chris at that very moment.

“I understand very, very well.”

She could tell why she should not jump into his life.

“I... understand.”

It went against the love rules of Cattleya Baudelaire. She was in love with Benedict Blue, after all. She had been having a bad feeling the whole time due to inflicting said rules.

——It’s... that idiot’s fault.

She had controlled herself as to forcefully stop being in love. She had made an effort to forget about it. Normally, she did not associate with her clients. Yet she had ended up thinking that she must do so. Because she did not have someone.

One could not be in a relationship by oneself.

“I... get you, so it’s definitely better... if we don’t date each other...!”

Still, if she did not kick off the feeling of being in love, she would surely be stuck with that sentiment forever.

“Mr. Chris, you’re just choosing someone who resembles yourself. I’m like that too. If I’m going to be in a relationship...”

According to Cattleya Baudelaire’s love rules...

“...if I’m going to be in a relationship, I also only need the feeling of being in love!”

...one should go after the other and confess.

The people inside the restaurant quietly regarded the voices of the excited pair. They flickeringly turned their gazes toward the two, but as Cattleya sat down after having stood up with excessive vigor, each went back to their respective conversations.

Dumbfounded, Chris opened his mouth, “You’re telling me that now?”

Tending to giggle, she replied after a moment, “You asked me out on the premise of marrying me, so I spoke honestly too.”

Chris mushily ran his hands through his hair. He then said intermittently, “We might really be alike...” He let out a moan and fell prostrate onto the table.

“I think so. Besides, if we were friends, we’d probably get along super well. Seems like we’d get into arguments too, though.”

“Because we’re alike?”

“Because we’re alike!”

Perhaps finding her bitter smile truly entertaining, Chris snorted and broke into laugher.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m the one who forcefully kept chasing you anyway...”

He called the waiter after that. She thought that he was going to request the check for certain, yet he up and picked a strong drink from the menu. He invited Cattleya to drink something as well.

“Eh, is it okay if I drink too?”

“Of course. Rather, please don’t go home. If you left now, it’d make things even harder. You dumped me the fastest out of the dates I’ve had until now, but the dessert hasn’t come yet and I don’t want to go home. I want to eat it together. It’s tough for a guy who assumedly got dumped to eat a dessert for two all by himself. I’m a sweet tooth.”

Being told so, Cattleya answered merrily, “Me too! But I haven’t dumped you. Nothing even began.”

“Indeed... it feels like it got cut off before it started.”

Oddly enough, the conversation they had afterward went smoothly somehow.

“Besides, instead of the beginning of a love that might end by the middle, Mr. Chris, isn’t the beginning of a friendship where it kinda seems like we’ll get along really well just what you need? In the end, rather than having fallen in love with me, you’re just personally picking someone to somehow satisfy your own dreams and self-interests, right?”

“No... Well... yeah.”

“Self-interest is really no good. Being in love is important.”

“I like you, though, y’know?”

“Give up on me. I’m sure this would’ve turned out as not genuine too. Also, I actually have someone I like.”

As Cattleya said so, Chris finally worked the resolve to give up. And on top of that, he gave her harsh and open advice. Even though he had not become upset when being suddenly rejected, he lost his temper. “You, if you have a person you like, you shouldn’t have accepted to go for a meal with me, right?”

“I-I’m sorry. I wasn’t getting myself too well...”

“So even if you’d gone out with me, you’d have broken up halfway, wouldn’t you? That’s rude to me.”

“I’m very sorry.”

“Please apologize more; I’m requesting a formal apology. I hate this kind of thing the most.”

“I’m very sorry. Next time, I will treat you to sweets. Would you go with me to Café Magnolia?”

“Eh, that one-month-wait place?” His attitude abruptly mitigated.

“Yesterday, I tried going with a friend and it was really good, and my friend and I finished a three-level cake stand!”

“‘A three-level cake stand’...”

“You also get free seconds of black tea.”

“That’s tempting...”

“Seriously, it feels like that sugar content deals you a physical blow, and it’s the best. The shop itself is also wonderful. It’s hard for a guy to go there by himself, right?”

As both rid themselves of the part of them that was being cautious of the other, they indeed talked quite some. Chris could not deny the feeling of becoming thoroughly distressed, but was a gentleman until the very end.

They ate the dessert, had an after-meal tea, and afterward, they passed by Chris’s shop, where he created a perfume fitting of Cattleya from scratch. The shop had a good air to it, to the point she wanted all of the lined-up products. Perhaps she could have had a future working there, but the one who had crushed it was Cattleya herself.

Making arrangements regarding the next day they would meet, they parted ways by evening.

“Manager, did you get dumped again? Why’d you make friends with the girl that rejected you?”

“Shut up.”

Hearing the exchange between Chris and a clerk before the shop’s door closed, Cattleya let slip a giggle.

      As the blue sky merged with the sunset, Cattleya was crossing a bridge said to be the oldest of Leiden. Having an extensive view of both the city and the sea, the place granted the best sight. Lovers were leaning onto each other’s shoulders and enjoying the scenery from the bridge. There was also an elderly couple walking an old dog. Amongst them, Cattleya alone strode in high and proud spirits.

——Tomorrow, I’ll give President Hodgins a notification of leave.

Walking with five-centimeter heels, her feet were making lighter footstep sounds than that morning.

——Even if that guy makes a fuss, I’ll ask him the reason why he didn’t tell me about it.

She felt as if she had become unbound by anything.

——I’ll look for him, find him and tell him that I like him.

She would not mind being rejected. That man was at least supposed to let her say it.

“Like. You,” as she tried mustering it out in a low voice, she became contented. “Like. You.” Drifting away from the people going past her, she was not embarrassed of talking to herself. “Like. You. Like... you.”

Only carriages and cars passed by her side.

“‘Benedict, I...”

Her own shadow strolled with dance-like steps.

“...like you’.”

Those were the only things supposed to be beside her.

“You, what’re you doing?”

Suddenly, a motorcycle riding right by her side entered her field of vision. Much like a mishmash of garbage, the motorcycle had a strange frame. It was not something from that continent.

Cattleya moved her gaze lethargically. Slightly burned by the Sun, sandy-blond hair was visible. So were androgynous facial features. Except, they felt somewhat manlier than before.

“Ah~... by the way, long time no see. Been doing well?” His voice was rough and a little peevish yet strong-willed. “I was going back just now. I thought it might be you and followed after, but...”

Cattleya wordlessly stood bolt upright. Her face was completely red.

“What... was that... just now?”

Once she saw his shy expression as he scratched his cheek with a finger, she reached her limit. She forgot about her determination to go meet him and confess. Everything blew off and she broke into a run from the spot at full speed.

“Eh, hey! Hey, stupid woman!”

——This is the worst, this is the worst, this is the worst!

The five-centimeter heels had been the right choice. If she were with nine-centimeter ones, it would have been the death of her feet.

——What do I do?! Where should I kill myself?!

Her head was deranging from the embarrassment.

——Sh-Should I kill him? Would that be faster?

She could hear the sounds of the motorcycle chasing her. Although she wanted to run faster, the cache-cœur​ one-piece coiled around her body, making the wind resistance strenuous.

“Cattleya!”

There was also no way that a human being could win against a motorcycle, and so it seemed her arm was going to be grabbed by the moment he overtook her. Not wanting to be caught no matter what, Cattleya changed her course and headed to the bridge’s handrail.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!”

She threw away her clutch bag. She also took off her shoes. Without caring about her long legs showing from underneath the hem of her one-piece, she climbed onto the railing. Crouching, she turned toward him. “I’ll kill you if you come here!”

“You’re the one who’ll die!”

That was their first exchange upon reuniting. Being himself, Benedict also seemed to be losing composure, but spread out both of his arms as to accept her. Seeing that, Cattleya bit her lip.

——Aah, how happy those arms would make me if this were a different situation.

Now they were nothing but an obstacle hindering her suicide attempt.

“Calm down; quit trying to die and to kill me.”

Cattleya shook her head as though to say she was unwilling. “Did you hear what I said earlier?”

“I did.”

“Wait, let’s redo this. When I ask you if you heard it... tell me you didn’t... please.”

“Got it. Ask one more time.”

“Did you hear what I said earlier?”

“It’s the part where you said that you liked me, right?”

“GEEZ~~~~~~!”

He caught her as she flailed her arms. If she were an ordinary girl, he would have secured her and it would have ended there.

“You’re on.”

But Cattleya Baudelaire was not.

“Ouch, ouch—ow, ow, ow, ow!”

“Let. Go. Of. Me!”

Cattleya was the physically stronger one. She bent the inner side of the arm that had been grasped and started striking with a twist.

“Stupid woman! Stupidly strong woman!”

“I know I am!”

“Why’re you running away? I don’t get it! You like...”

“I don’t like you, I don’t like you, I don’t like you!”

“I get it! Stop! I get it already! I’ll leave it as that for now, so seriously, stop applying force for a bit!”

Her movements ceased completely. As Benedict let go, Cattleya did not get off the railing but sat back down.

“Don’t glare, don’t glare.” His eyes locked with Cattleya’s teary ones. Benedict was finally able to look straight at the colleague that he had not seen in a while.

She was dressed in a way that he could instantaneously tell she was off-duty. More adult-like than usual, she had her luster remarkably intensified. She was wearing a fragrance that had the scent of greenery, which had rubbed on her from Chris. It was obvious that she was back from a date.

Whatever Benedict thought of it, he burst out laughing, “Hahah, you... I really don’t understand you.”

“What’s with that...?”

“Hey, I get it already. Let’s talk in peace for a bit. How was the company while I was out? Weren’t there any weird incidents or something? How’re Old Man and V?”

Cattleya replied with puckered lips, “Not really. Everyone’s doing fine. President Hodgins and Violet, too.”

“And you?”

“I’m doing fine.”

“That so? I think you got thinner, though.”

As she had actually lost weight, Cattleya was surprised.

“Hey~, were you lonely, even if just a little?”

Silence.

“Y’know, not even a wild animal would glare like that.”

“I definitely don’t wanna tell the guy who didn’t say anything to me that I was lonely!” She attempted to kick him with a bare foot, yet she swung and missed.

Benedict climbed onto the railing and sat on it as though to line up with Cattleya.

——Smells of earth.

She could sense the scent of him, which changed depending on the day.

“I ended up coming back ‘cause I was lonely,” Benedict whispered with a falsely energetic voice. “I went looking for someone for a bit. But I seriously have no clues so I really just went in circles. I also used most of the money I’d earned from the company and now I nearly haven’t got a single penny. Even it’s a continent that I used to live in, I’ve got next to no acquaintances over there... so I ki~nda started thinking that I wanted to hurry back home and stuff like that...”

Having never seen that side of his, Cattleya was in a trance, forgetting to close her mouth.

“In the end, even though the places I went to weren’t any good, I was able to gather a little info, so I’m thinking of going there again when I save up more money. Well, it’s also a mystery whether or not she’s in that continent in the first place...”

Silence.

“Ah, it’s my little sister. I’m looking for her. By the way, say something.”

“You had a little sister?”

“Oh, I did. I definitely did.”

“Did she run away from home? I did too, though...”

“No, it’s more like we lived separated. You, is it okay for you not to go back? Your parents must be worried.”

“Impossible. I’m me, so... it’s hard. Enough of my matters. So, are you returning to the company?”

“Yeah. I don’t have any other place to go back to.”

——I see, Cattleya thought.

Benedict would return. That alone made her incredibly happy.

“That so? Saves the trouble.”

She was truly glad. Leaving aside the fact she was currently in an embarrassing situation, she was honestly happy for just that much.

“Welcome home,” she wound up saying, smiling naturally. “Don’t go away all of a sudden anymore, ‘kay?”

——I like you, after all.

Perhaps that feeling of hers...

“‘Cause I was about to try looking for you.”

...had seeped out.

A slightly strong wind gusted, her long dark hair getting on her face. “You’ve ended up unfolding a foolish-looking escape number, but isn’t it about time to get off the handrail?” suggested the serenity of the cold wind.

“Hey.” She was about to say, “Shall we get off?” but saw him raising his hand. Beyond it, she also saw a face that she had never witnessed from Benedict.

Her dark hair was caught in his fingertips. While pushing its way through, his approaching palm drew near her. It was not even a second later that their faces connected with one another.

——His hand is moving, but...

She could not bring herself to flee, push him away or anything of the sort. As their faces rubbed onto each other’s, she sensed something wet. Rather than the feeling of “Why are you doing something like this?”, what she thought about was, “Why are you crying?”.

“If I disappeared... would you look for me?” His face had distanced from hers, but the hand that had come close to her cheek firmly reached out to her back and she became incapable of running off. “Hey, would you?” His rough and slightly peevish, yet strong-willed voice had changed into one that sounded as if he were so lonesome that he had become unable to endure it and was holding back from sobbing.

“Took me three months to work up the resolve for it, but if this ever happens again, I’ll go look for you.”

Benedict Blue’s three-month journey might have been something far more arduous than she had thought, Cattleya finally perceived. He was truly so, so lonely. Thus, he came back to the city that had already become his homeland and to the people in it.

“Even if you didn’t know where I’d go to?”

For the time being, she would leave aside what he had done to her. It might have been trouble for her, but she did not take it as cruelty.

“You’re an idiot, so I think you’d definitely leave clues somewhere.”

Right now, it was certain that she should listen to what he had to say.

“I—What if I – what if, y’know – were living life having forgotten about you?”

“Eh, I’d cry...”

“You’d cry?”

“I would. Like normal. But if I could bring you back, I’d do it. I mean, the President would be sad too.”

“I... wonder if he misses me. He was making an okay face when sending me off.”

“One more cactus appeared in President’s room while you were gone, and that’s ‘cause he named it Benedict. He’s lonely enough that he seems about to buy himself a dog with the name Benedict or something one of these days.”

“Don’t lie...”

“It’s not a lie. Let’s go to the company now. There’s a cactus on his desk, I tell you. Everyone’s seen him going, ‘Benedict, grow on’ when watering it.”

“Kuku. That’s a lie, ain’t it?”

“Hey, c’mon. Let’s go. I was thinking of going home, but since you’re here, I wanna go to the office.”

“Hn~, just a bit more.” The strength of the arm that was holding Cattleya became even firmer.

If she thought of shaking it off, she would be able to, but by the looks of it, she would turn into just a girl when she was in front of that man. She wondered if she still had a piece of her mind to give about him doing such things to her. She did not, but even if she had, she would want to kill it off.

——Well, I guess... that can be after this heat cools down a tad more.

Cattleya herself also wanted to stay like that a bit longer.

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

“I said ‘welcome home’.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t ‘yeah’ me.”

“I’m back.”

“Well done.”

——If I’m going to be in a relationship, let it be with liking you as the only reason for it.

“Benedict, you know, I...”

That alone was good enough.

——If it’s not just for that, I don’t want it.

[insidious-intent]

This is the interlude of how fratbro!Michael and emogay!Alex got together the night of the frat party. Be warned, here there be smut. Part one, part two, and part three exist already

Alex woke up, groggy and sweaty, senses slow in a way only a night of drinking and smoking get him. The room came into focus a little at a time, dark colored walls lined with posters of football players and…Ruth Bader Ginsberg? Fairy lights and random lamps litter the walls and floor. He tried to move and realized he was alone in an unfamiliar bed, sheets pooled around him, and he was entirely naked.

The hangover wasn’t bad enough for Alex to not remember what had happened last night. He was so fucked. Literally. 

Last Night: 

The party was full. The house was warm, bodies everywhere, music blaring loud enough to beat through his whole body. Alex squeezes through the gyrating masses, with Guerin close behind him. Alex felt an itch all over his body, the day’s frustration, lack of alcohol, and Guerin’s shirtlessness were all wounding him up fast. 

Guerin grabbed his elbow and dragged him to the kitchen, where a giant pool bucket sat on the counter, neon blue liquid halfway full. 

“Let’s get you drunk,” Guerin declared, making Alex roll his eyes. The kitchen was empty, so Alex could breathe a little, think a little clearer. 

Guerin proceeded to make good on his claim, plying Alex with cup after solo cup of burning liquid. The drinks burned going down at first, but Alex needed a win, so he stopped thinking and accepted every cup Guerin handed him. Random dudes kept walking into the kitchen to chat up Guerin, and Alex realized most of them had to be his frat bros. 

Alex felt hot, muscles loose from drinking, body heating. He must have lost his coat at some point, and he took off his sweater too. Leaning back against cool kitchen counter, watching Guerin do some caveman heterosexual dance with his fratbros, Alex realized he needed to slow down on the drinking. 

Alex instead spent the time staring at Guerin - his stupid perfect body, and those stupid curls. Guerin, with his tiny waist, and an ass that wouldn’t quit. Alex wanted a whole night to worship that ass, on his knees, on his back, any way he could. Guerin’s lips that looked like they belonged stretched around Alex’s cock, long lashes that Guerin would look up through as he stayed on his knees. 

Alex looked around to grab another drink, anything at this point, to stop this insane horny for Guerin loop he was caught in. But then he felt a body crowding him, and turning around came face to face with a smirking Guerin. 

“You like what you see, Manes?” Guerin’s voice was low and scratchy, eyes on Alex’s lips. Alex couldn’t help but return the favor, and felt heat pool low in his stomach. 

“You wish, Guerin,” Alex tried, voice trembling from the effort. Guerin’s smirk turned deeper. 

Guerin tilted his head and brushed his lips along his jaw, caging in his body with arms on the counter on both sides. “I saw the way you were looking at me. Do you. Like. What. You. See?” he asked, punctuating his question with soft brush of his lips traveling up Alex’s jaw. Alex felt his breath stutter. 

“You mean a sweaty drunk frat dude who probably thinks Tarantino is poetry, but probably can’t recite a single line of actual poetry? I see him, sure,” Alex knew he was being harsh, but the alcohol had loosened his tongue already. 

The lips on his jaw stop moving, and Guerin pulled back to stare. “That’s what you think about me, Alex?” he asked, eyes flashing in a way that was entirely too sober for Alex’s good. 

Before he could even think of a response, Guerin put his arms around Alex’s waist and pulled him close. “I think I could run laps around you with poetry, emo boy,” he said, voice low and dangerous. Alex would deny the responding whimper till his dying day. 

Guerin’s smirk was infuriating. “I bet I can suck your brains out through your dick,” he said. 

Alex smiled, this was a challenge he could easily win. “Okay,” he said, “lead the way, bro.”

Guerin grinned bright for a split second, then pushed off him only to grab his hand and pull him up towards the stairs. The people dancing and making out on the stairs greeted them, and more than a few of Guerin’s “brothers” thumped his shoulders in approval. Alex barely remembered the walking until he was suddenly in a room, and the door was being closed behind him. 

As soon as the door closed, Alex pounced. Shoving Guerin on to the bed, he climbed over and straddled him. “Let’s see if you’re all talk now, dude,” Alex said, making quick work of Guerin’s belts and shorts. Guerin had him out of his shirt halfway already before Alex’s brain kicked into gear and he moved, taking a moment to remove his clothes and shoes. 

Oh fuck. 

Guerin, standing gloriously naked, with his strong thighs, and thick cock, was a wet dream come to life. Alex couldn’t decide if he wanted that cock in his mouth, or inside him, or create a sculpture to worship at for the rest of his life. 

Guerin smirked, seeing Alex’s stare. Grabbing lube from...somewhere, Guerin stalked closer and pushed Alex back on the bed. 

Alex pushed up on his elbows and raised an eyebrow. “You want a written invitation, Guerin?” 

“Oh so you do know my name. So I know you’ll be screaming the right name later.” 

Alex rolled eyes and waved his hands in a universal gesture of ‘get to it already.’

Guerin slid down his chest, lips a hot brand on his nipples, then his chest and stomach, finally coming to rest at the base of Alex’s cock. He stayed a moment, mouthing at the base, making Alex’s eyes roll back in his head. 

Alex forced his eyes open, just in time to see Guerin swallow him whole, lips stretched obscene around his cock, sweaty curls plastered on his forehead. Alex wanted to push his fingers into those curls and pull. So that’s what he did. The resulting moan from Guerin vibrated up from his cock all the way behind his eyes. Alex couldn’t breathe. 

Guerin pulled off for a moment to breathe, and bite the inside of Alex’s thigh, making him keen. He went back to his ministrations with a diligence no straight boy should be able to, and Alex silently apologized for making assumptions about Michael Guerin. Almost as soon as he started though, Guerin stopped and pulled off completely and Alex couldn’t help but whimper at the loss. 

“You’re not straight, are you?” he asked between squirming from Guerin’s hand on his dick. 

Guerin smirked. “Welcome to the SigEp party. It’s a real bisexual blast around here.” 

Alex used the pause to flip them over, and pinned Guerin’s wrists down. “Well let me show you how I party, Guerin,” he said, grabbing the lube with one hand and got to work on himself. 

He teased himself slowly, making sure his fingers were slow and deliberate. Alex had to close his eyes, lips parting as the first finger entered him. Beneath him, Guerin’s breathing got heavier. 

“Oh fuck, fuck let me see Alex,” he pleaded, trying to get up from his position. Alex pushed him back with a hand on his chest. But he quickened the pace, knowing neither of them were going to last long anyways. Grabbing a condom, he put it on Guerin, relishing the groan he heard when he touched Guerin’s dick. 

Lowering himself slowly, Alex bent over, nipples brushing Guerin’s, lips close. He moved his hips a little, enjoying the way it made Guerin throw his head back with a groan, eyes closed. Guerin’s hands came up to circle Alex’s waist, long clever fingers moving him just the right way to punch a moan out of both boys. 

Alex moved over to kiss Guerin, biting his lips and moving his tongue with his. Guerin looked and felt exquisite, and Alex couldn’t even begin to remember why he was so angry at the boy earlier. He wanted to keep kissing those lips, keep his fingers deep in those curls. He pulled back a little and stared at Guerin, who stared right back, eyes wide and soft and full of awe. 

“I like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing,” Alex whispered lips right on Guerin’s. “and possibly i like the thrill of under me you so quite new.” 

“Fuuuuck you Alex,” Guerin responded, in the same low tone, “Cummings, really?” Alex smiled, of fucking course Guerin knew his poetry. He snapped his hips up to move them faster, but Alex didn’t let him continue. They moved in rhythm, in sync with each other’s breathing, not fast, but not slow either. 

Alex closed his eyes and moved his hands all over Guerin’s chest, pinching his nipples, circling his shoulders. In turn Guerin moved his hands from Alex’s waist to his thighs, cursing every time Alex snapped his hips and clenched around him. 

Alex didn’t even know when Michael moved up and swung them over so he was on top. The next time Alex opened his eyes, it was to see Michael looking down into his eyes, golden curls framing his face, lips upturned in a soft smile. 

“Of everything I’ve seen, it’s you I want to go on seeing,” Guerin spoke softly, deliberately. His voice wrapped around the diminished alcohol haze of Alex’s mind. “Of everything I’ve touched, it’s your flesh I want to go on touching.” Alex had to put a hand to his mouth to stop him from continuing, Guerin’s voice and Neruda’s poem mixed in his mind, fireflies of something more than desire. 

Guerin stopped as if he understood what just happened, and moved one of his hands to grab Alex’s dick instead. Alex closed his eyes and let the strength of Michael Guerin’s body, his undeniably male smell, his smoke on whiskey voice carry him into a powerful orgasm. He felt more than heard Michael coming soon after, but he couldn’t find the strength to open his eyes. 

They stayed there for a moment, Michael on top of Alex, still and inevitably there. He heard Michael get up with a loud groan and took a second to appreciate the view as he got up to get rid of the condom and grabbed a towel to clean them both up. Once they were both relatively non-sticky, Michael grabbed Alex and arranged them under the covers, snugly covering Alex as if he was a precious stuffed toy. 

“So,” Guerin started, and Alex tried not to groan, “I totally rocked your world and won that challenge. Now you have to go out with me.” 

Alex rolled his eyes, “there were no challenge and we never agreed to any terms. You also failed to ‘suck my brains through my dick’ like you said.” 

“Admit it, dude, you lost.” Guerin pulled him in even tighter. “And we’re going out tomorrow.” 

“Fine,” Alex grumbled, “now go the fuck to sleep.” 

Silence settled around them easily, even though Alex could hear the noises of the party below, but they were muffled, distant. 

Michael pushed his face into Alex’s neck, lips brushing skin. “Alex, I like kissing this and that of you,” Guerin’s smile was wide against Alex’s neck as he whispered. 

“Me too, Michael.” 

*** Now

When he got out of the bathroom, with a clear head and brushed teeth, Alex realized Michael stood at the door, recently showered and dressed. An uncharacteristically nervous look on his face, a drastic change from the ultra confident Michael he met last night.  

“That was quite some drinking last night, Manes,” he said. Alex realized with a jolt he was being given an out, a way to sweep last night under the rug and end all possibility of any conversation with Michael right there and then. 

Alex moved closer and put his hand on Michael’s chest, and looked up into amber eyes, and smiled. 

“i like your body. I like what it does, I like its hows,” he said softly. He watched as Michael’s face lit up, eyes bright. “I like to feel the spine of your body and its bones -” 

Michael didn’t let him finish, pulling him in with both hands on his waist, kissing him deeply. The kiss was unhurried, not laced with drunken lust. Here in the sober light of morning, Alex kissed this lovely boy, a rowdy frat boy, a secret poet. 

They pulled apart to beam at each other, and this was so much better. The delight on Michael’s face that was reflected on his own, and the knowledge that they had found each other at the beginning of something, settled in his bones. 

This was going to be fun. 

[opera-simplified]

Opera Simplified #3: Benvenuto Cellini

Benvenuto Cellini

Opera Simplified #3

The Basics:

Music: Hector Berlioz

Libretto: Henri Auguste Barbier and Léon de Wailly

Premiere: September 10, 1838; Salle le Peletier, Paris, France

Based on [very loosely]: Vita (Life), Benvenuto Cellini’s autobiography

Setting: Rome, the final days of Carnival, 1532

Characters:

Benvenuto Cellini, a goldsmith and sculptor—tenor

Teresa Balducci, his girlfriend—soprano

Fieramosca, her fiancé and the Pope’s official sculptor—baritone**

Giacomo Balducci, her father and the Pope’s treasurer—bass-baritone

Ascanio, Cellini’s apprentice—mezzo-soprano

Pope Clément VII, duh, the boss of the Roman Catholic Church—bass*

Francesco, one of Cellini’s assistants—tenor

Bernardino, another of Cellini’s assistants—bass

Pompeo, a swordsman and Fieramosca’s friend—baritone**

A Tavern Owner—tenor

A player in Cassandro’s troupe acting as Colombine—spoken

Requested by: @monotonous-minutia (once again, thank you both for enthusiastically reading this over and for making some of the videos featured in this Opera Simplified!)

*The Paris Opéra would not allow the Pope to be portrayed onstage for the premiere, so the character became Cardinal Salvati, although his music and function in the story remained identical. However, as it should be, virtually all available performances and recordings revert to the Pope, so as such (and according to Berlioz’s intentions), I will revert as well.

**Fieramosca and Pompeo were both originally intended to be played by tenors (according to the cast list given in the Bärenreiter critical edition), but they are universally played by baritones.

Additional Notes Before We Go: There are three versions of this opera: the first version (which I will call 1838 Original version) was the version that Berlioz initially presented to the Paris Opéra; the second (which I will call 1838 Premiere version) was the score actually performed in the initial run (which flopped) after cuts and censorship; the third version, which premiered in 1852 in the city of Weimar (thus it being called the Weimar version), had other cuts and more rearranging of sections in Act II.

In an attempt to follow both Berlioz’s intentions and modern performance/recording practice, this Opera Simplified will mostly follow the 1838 Original version, albeit with some elements from other versions. Those elements will be discussed by scene in the notes.

Also: Berlioz did envision the opera with spoken dialogue; recordings are split on the issue, although only one of the five productions I have watched uses spoken dialogue.

Finally, thanks to my university’s Fine Arts Library for having a very diverse collection of opera scores, including a Bärenreiter critical edition vocal-piano score of Benvenuto Cellini, which I consulted while researching and writing this Opera Simplified.

The Opera:

Benvenuto Cellini overture

Roman Carnival Overture (not to be confused with the opera’s actual overture (given above), although this uses two very lovely tunes from Act I of the opera)

Act I:

Scene 1:

Sunset on Shrove Monday, inside the Balducci house. At left is a table with two chairs. There are two doors, one on the left and one at the back. There is also a window at the right, where Teresa is standing and watching the Carnival revellers. Balducci enters, having just gotten dressed.

Balducci: Teresa!

*Crickets.*

Teresa! Where is she?

*Ditto.*

TERESA!

*Ditto.*

TERESA I’M NOT CALLING YOU AGAIN GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW WHERE ARE YOU

*Ditto, but this time he sees her.*

TERESA I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU THAT YOU WEREN’T ALLOWED TO BE BY THE WINDOW ARE YOU DEAF

*Teresa reluctantly leaves the window.*

Fine time for daydreaming; I’ve been calling you for FOREVER! Look, the Pope’s waiting for me, could you be a nice daughter and get me my stuff? My walking stick, my gloves, my dagger, that collection of papers…?

*She hands him each in turn.*

Ugh, I can’t BELIEVE that the Pope is making me come in all the time, especially this late, every morning, every night it’s always “BALDUCCI WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE SCULPTURE COMMISSION WITH CELLINI BLAH BLAH BLAH” and it’s EXHAUSTING. I mean, not to question the Pope or anything because that would be bad and sacrilegious and all, but the Pope has Fieramosca, who is not only a perfectly good sculptor and future son-in-law but also the official papal sculptor anyway, so why is he getting some lazy libertine metalworker from Florence, of all places, to make this sculpture? **

*He leaves, grumbling.*

Teresa: FINALLY HE’S LEAVING

*Balducci immediately returns.*

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME 

Balducci: Just to make sure that nothing happens while I’m gone, lemme give you a Quick Fatherly Lecture™ because of course that will be effective! Come here and listen closely. ***

WELL, YA GOT TROUBLE, MY CHILD, RIGHT HERE I SAY YA GOT TROUBLE RIGHT HERE IN THE ETERNAL CITY—shoot where was I going with this okay start over

NEVER LOOK AT THE MOON EVER BECAUSE LOOKING AT THE MOON IS THE LITTLE SEEMINGLY INNOCENT STEP THAT LEADS TO LIVES BEING RUINED AND YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP AGAIN BECAUSE YOU’LL BE TOO BUSY HAVING CATHOLIC GUILT AND REGRETTING ALL YOUR LIFE CHOICES YOU COQUETTISH GIRLS NEED TO WATCH YOUR HEARTS AND KEEP THEM PURE AND ALL THE OTHER STUFF YOU SHOULD’VE LEARNED AT SUNDAY SCHOOL AND THE WORLD IS A CRAZY, BAD PLACE ALSO YOU SHOULD ALWAYS WEAR A MASK (not just because masks help save lives during pandemics although that’s not the kind of mask I’m talking about at this moment) ALSO MEN ARE HIDEOUS AND APPEARANCES ARE DECEIVING AND UH THERE ARE A LOT OF DEMONS OUT THERE I GUESS SO WATCH OUT

*He leaves again. Teresa watches to make sure he is absolutely gone.*

Teresa: OKAY HE’S LEAVING FOR REAL THIS TIME

First off, that lecture made no sense whatsoever; second off, that was, like, literally torture or martyrdom or something; third off, I’m so relieved! I can breathe and relax and not worry again!

Cellini, Francesco, Bernardino, and Their Fellow Revellers: *outside, in the street* TRALALALALALA DE PROFUNDIS SOMETHING SOMETHING CARNIVAL WILL BURY SOMEONE TONIGHT TRALALALA ALL YOU FELLOW YOUNG ONES LIVE WELL AND NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE STOP CRYING AND ENJOY LIFE AND DRINK TO LUNDI GRAS AND TO CARNIVAL VIVA CARNIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

*Yet again, Balducci returns.*

Balducci: WHERE’S ALL THIS RACKET COMING FROM

Teresa: uggggggggggggggggggh not again hey Dad aren’t you supposed to be going to a meeting with the Pope

Balducci: I KNOW oh great all this noise is right outside I need to speak to whoever the noise control manager is I’M PRETTY SURE CELLINI AND HIS WILD CROWD IS MAKING ALL THIS NOISE TERESA AVOID ALL OF THEM AT ALL COSTS

*Cellini and his buddies throw what appears to be white confetti up through the window; they are actually white plaster pellets, which leave white dust all over Balducci.*

ARE YOU KIDDING ME I JUST GOT THIS NICE NEW OUTFIT AND THEY HAVE TO GO AND RUIN IT RIGHT BEFORE I’M SUPPOSED TO MEET WITH THE POPE IT’S TOO LATE TO CHANGE NOW SO I GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO GO LOOKING LIKE THIS YOU DAMN TUSCAN BOY I’LL HAVE MY REVENGE ON YOU SOMEDAY

Cellini, Francesco, Bernardino, and Their Fellow Revellers: LONG LIVE JOY LET’S BE HAPPY BECAUSE GOD GAVE US HAPPINESS AND LIFE SO LET’S NOT CRY AND INSTEAD JUST BE HAPPY

Teresa: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA DAD YOU LOOK LIKE A LEOPARD OR SOMETHING

Balducci: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY DON’T YOU WELL IT ISN’T AND IN ANY CASE I DO LOOK LIKE A LEOPARD AND I HATE IT

*Teresa approaches the window and is immediately showered with flowers.*

TO THINK THAT OAF COULD EVER BE MY SON-IN-LAW I MEAN SERIOUSLY I WOULD RATHER BE HANGED THAN LET CELLINI MARRY YOU A CURSE ON THIS LAZY LIBERTINE FLORENTINE

Teresa: WELL DAD GET USED TO IT BECAUSE SOMEDAY HE’S GONNA BE YOUR SON-IN-LAW BECAUSE I’M GONNA MARRY HIM BECAUSE I’M COLOMBINE AND HE’S LÉANDRE AND WE’RE IN LOVE AND MEANT TO BE

I mean, me the wife of Cassandro? Could you imagine? A CURSE ON THE GUY YOU WANT ME TO MARRY ****

Cellini, Francesco, Bernardino, and Their Fellow Revellers: TRALALALALALA DE PROFUNDIS SOMETHING SOMETHING CARNIVAL WILL BURY SOMEONE TONIGHT TRALALALA ALL YOU FELLOW YOUNG ONES LIVE WELL AND NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE STOP CRYING AND ENJOY LIFE AND DRINK TO LUNDI GRAS AND TO CARNIVAL VIVA CARNIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

*Balducci leaves again.*

Teresa: Third time’s the charm...third time’s the charm...third time’s the charm…

*Balducci has truly left.*

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, these are all such pretty flowers, I can’t believe they threw all of these up here just for me...

*She sees a bouquet among all the flowers scattered around.*

Ooh, this is a lovely bouquet!

*She picks it up and a note falls out.*

A note? From Cellini! Oh goodness, bold as always like that, but honestly I kinda like it.

*She opens it.*

What?! He’s coming here, tonight, for a date?! My God! Well, my dad isn’t here and he’ll be busy for a while, so this is the perfect time! What to do now…?

When you’re torn between love and duty, you have a lot of problems and angst you just want to complain about to everyone but you can’t because no one will listen to you and everyone will judge you and it really sucks. It especially sucks because you have to fear what you desire and you can’t even hope for anything good in this world. I mean, how are you supposed to pretend that you don’t feel what your heart feels and that you’re not looking at what your eyes see? Life sometimes...well, you know what? I’m not having it!

Dad, I love you, and maybe when I’m as old as you I’ll be smarter and sadder and wiser and all that, but I’m young! I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, just waiting for me to live it to the fullest! It would be such a waste to be dull and unhappy!

Someday I’ll be old, and I don’t know, be a grandma maybe, and then it’ll be fine! Love won’t matter then! But I’m young now, and I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, and I want to live it while it’s still there! *****

*Cellini enters.*

CELLINI!

*She moves a little away.*

Cellini: Teresa, it’s alright! Don’t run away!

Teresa: Cellini, I love you but I’m not sure this is gonna work.

Cellini: You’re killin’ me here!

*Noise from outside.*

Teresa: WHAT WAS THAT

Cellini: It’s fine, I promise—

Teresa: NO I’M DONE FOR AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE BECAUSE MY DAD’S PROBABLY BACK AGAIN

Cellini: No, it’s just my friends celebrating Carnival outside. I promise. It’ll be okay, don’t worry.

Oh, Teresa, you are my happiness and I love you more than life itself! I’ve learned that if I’m far away from you, I lose all hope and happiness!

*Fieramosca, who has somehow gotten into the house unnoticed, tiptoes in while holding an enormous bouquet.*

Fieramosca: You don’t win girls by breaking locks and being all macho and stuff like that; you simply sneak in on tiptoe and that’s how you steal their hearts! I mean, I guess that’s how it works.

Teresa: I love you but this is crazy! Part of me just wants to abandon all of this but a part of me deep down knows we can never see each other again…

Fieramosca: She’s not alone! I thought her dad was leaving but maybe he’s actually here? No, wait, that can’t be him—oh, I can’t believe she’s alone with another guy!

Cellini: NO I SWEAR BY ALL THE SAINTS AND THE VIRGIN THAT LOVE WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU TO FIERAMOSCA

Fieramosca: OH MY GOD IT’S CELLINI I NEED TO HIDE

Cellini: I’M NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND HURT YOU

Fieramosca: *who is now hiding...somewhere* at least pick a good song, dammit ******

Teresa: MAY MY PATRON SAINT SAVE ME FROM THE DISASTER AND SHAME OF HAVING TO MARRY FIERAMOSCA ALSO IF I HAVE TO MARRY HIM I’LL DIE

Fieramosca: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if only I could speak aloud or even whisper a word so they could hear me

Cellini: If I have to leave you, my life, my love, I’ll lose all hope…

Teresa: I really don’t know if this’ll work out...I want it to, but I’ll probably never be able to see you again…

Cellini: You marry FIERAMOSCA?! They want you to marry that stupid little such-and-such?!

Teresa: Me?! His WIFE?! I’D RATHER DIE THE CRUELLEST POSSIBLE DEATH A HUNDRED TIMES THAN MARRY HIM

Fieramosca: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if only I had my sword instead of this stupid bouquet because obviously I didn’t bring both because obviously you can’t bring both

Cellini: CHILL honey don’t go straight to dying seriously why is that every young soprano’s go-to instead let’s plan to find a way to happiness!

Teresa: And your idea is…?

Fieramosca: if only I had my sword

Cellini: ALRIGHT THEN LISTEN UP

Teresa: shhhhhhh speak more softly what if someone hears us

Cellini: well there’s no one else here but I’ll speak more softly for you

Teresa: good point about no one else being here but thanks

Cellini: So tomorrow evening, Mardi Gras celebrations—

Teresa: Tomorrow evening, at Mardi Gras—

Fieramosca: Mardi Gras?

Cellini: Don’t miss the celebration; be there at the Piazza Colonna—

Fieramosca: what are they saying I can’t hear them well

Teresa: Piazza Colonna—

Fieramosca: ohhhhhhhhhh I think they said Piazza Colonna—

Cellini: where Cassandro—

Teresa: Cassandro—

Fieramosca: Cassandro?

Cellini: Is presenting a new show—

Fieramosca: wait what I didn’t hear about that I didn’t know they were doing a new show

Cellini: While your dad is watching the show, you’ll take the arm of a monk in brown—

Teresa: the arm of a monk in brown—

Fieramosca: I didn’t catch like any of that

Cellini: and one in white—

Teresa: one in white—

Fieramosca: white?

Cellini: One will be your lover—

Teresa: You!

Fieramosca: Him?

Cellini: And the other, my apprentice—

Teresa: Your apprentice—

Fieramosca: His apprentice?

Cellini: I’ll take you away—

Teresa: You’ll take me away—

Fieramosca: wait what

Cellini: to Florence—

Teresa: To Florence!

Fieramosca: Florence?

Cellini and Teresa: We’ll go to Florence together and get married and be happy for the rest of our lives!

Fieramosca: wait WHAT

Teresa: Wait, but what about my dad? I can’t just leave him—and also isn’t this kinda an offense against God?

Cellini: What? Teresa, that’s just your Intense Catholic Guilt™ again. If anyone’s offending God around here, it’s your father because he wants to rob you of all your life and love by putting you in a convent or even worse, marrying you off to Fieramosca!

Teresa: NOT FIERAMOSCA NO I’M NOT MARRYING HIM

Fieramosca: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if only Balducci were here to see this

Teresa: WHO AM I KIDDING I CAN’T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF MARRYING HIM ALRIGHT I’LL DO THIS TAKE HEART WE’LL BE HAPPY TOMORROW EVENING

Cellini: Should we go over all the details of the plan again?

Teresa: YES!

Cellini: More softly, remember, Teresa, more softly like you said…

*Fieramosca moves closer in order to hear better.*

Tomorrow evening, at the Mardi Gras celebrations—

Teresa: Tomorrow evening, at Mardi Gras—

Cellini: Don’t miss the celebration—

Teresa: I won’t miss it—

Fieramosca: I most certainly won’t miss it—

Cellini: be there at the Piazza Colonna—

Teresa: Piazza Colonna—

Fieramosca: Piazza Colonna—

Cellini: where Cassandro—

Teresa: Cassandro—

Fieramosca: Cassandro—

Cellini: Is presenting a new show—

Teresa: A new show—

Fieramosca: A new show—

Cellini: While your dad is watching the show, you’ll take the arm of a monk in brown—

Teresa: the arm of a monk in brown—

Fieramosca: the arm of a monk in brown—

Cellini: and one in white—

Teresa: one in white—

Fieramosca: and one in white—

Cellini: One will be your lover—

Teresa: You!

Fieramosca: Him?

Teresa: Got it.

Cellini: And the other, my apprentice—

Teresa: Your apprentice—

Fieramosca: His apprentice!

Cellini: I’ll take you away—

Teresa: You’ll take me away—

Fieramosca: He’ll take her away! Well!

Cellini: to Florence—

Teresa: To Florence!

Fieramosca: To Florence!

Cellini and Teresa: We’ll go to Florence together and get married and be happy for the rest of our lives!

Fieramosca: THEY’LL GO TO FLORENCE TOGETHER AND GET MARRIED AND BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES?!

Cellini: A beautiful promise! Teresa, I adore you! Love, protect her and let her make it tomorrow…

Fieramosca: YOU’RE BETRAYING ME BEWARE

Teresa: Holy Virgin, forgive me and calm my father and his anger!

Cellini and Teresa: WE’RE BOTH YOUNG AND HAPPY AND FULL OF LOVE SO WE SHOULDN’T BE RESORTING TO DEATH TO SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN WE HAVE A HAPPY FUTURE ALREADY WITHIN REACH SO LET’S LEAVE THIS CITY AND FIND HAPPINESS UNDER OTHER SKIES AND HAVE HOPE AND GO TO FLORENCE

Fieramosca: YOU TRAITORS BEWARE BECAUSE I HAVE STANDARD BARITONE HATRED AND RAGE AND I WILL USE IT TO RUIN YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE PLANS SO BEWARE

Cellini, Teresa, and Fieramosca: Tomorrow evening!

Cellini: Piazza Colonna—

Teresa: Shh!

Cellini: Near Cassandro’s theater—

Teresa: Shh!

Cellini: A monk in white—

Teresa: Yes, I’ll be there!

Fieramosca: Well then, I’ll be there too!

Cellini and Teresa: Take heart and have hope!

Cellini, Teresa, and Fieramosca: Tomorrow evening!

*Teresa hears footsteps and looks outside.*

Teresa: OH SHOOT OH SHOOT IT’S MY DAD WE’RE DONE FOR

Cellini: Are you sure?

Teresa: HE’S RIGHT OUTSIDE

Fieramosca: obviously the best solution to this problem is to hide in my fiancée’s bedroom

*Which he does.*

Cellini: Where should I go? Your bedroom?...

Teresa: NO THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR YOU TO MAKE IT IN THERE 

Cellini: He’s coming...

Teresa: GOD HELP US

*Cellini quickly flattens himself against the wall by the door. Balducci opens the door; he is shocked to see Teresa and forgets to close it, allowing Cellini to hide between the door and the wall.*

Balducci: You’re still up? It’s really late; I thought you would be in bed by now!

Teresa: *trying to improv and pointing to her bedroom* Dad...there’s a man in there…

Balducci: A MAN?!?!

Teresa: Uh, yeah...when I went to go to bed...I heard a strange noise in there...it sounded like a man…

Balducci: A MAN?!?! I’M GONNA GO BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF WHATEVER HORRIBLE MAN DARES COME HERE AND ENTER MY DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM

*He runs into Teresa’s bedroom. Cellini comes out from his hiding place.*

Teresa: Go while I’ve bought you some time!

Cellini: Thank you, my love! See you tomorrow evening!

Teresa: See you then!

*Cellini leaves.*

Teresa: Oh, boy, I’m afraid this won’t go well.

Balducci: *from Teresa’s room* YOU BASTARD I’VE FOUND YOU

Teresa: Wait, there’s actually a man in my bedroom? Well, that’s convenient.

*Balducci drags Fieramosca, who is still holding his bouquet, out of the bedroom.*

Balducci: COME WITH ME OR ELSE I’LL KILL YOU

*He recognizes Fieramosca.*

What? You, Fieramosca?

Teresa: BAHAHAHAHA WHAT AN UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT

Fieramosca: First off, I wasn’t trying to rob you—

Balducci: THIS IS MUCH WORSE THAN THAT ALSO WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM

Teresa: YEAH WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM

Fieramosca: Uh, well, it’s very simple, really...I came…

Balducci: YEAH I KNOW THAT

Fieramosca: I...I was coming just to visit.

Balducci: ‘I was coming just to visit!’ A visit, late at night, when I’m not here, HIDING IN MY DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM YOU HORRIBLE PERSON

Teresa: EXCUSE ME IT COULD HAVE LOOKED SO BAD THAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN EXCOMMUNICATED

Fieramosca: ...I’m pretty sure that that’s not how excommunication works.

Teresa: WHAT AUDACITY

Fieramosca: I swear, it’s not what it looks like—

Balducci: THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY

Fieramosca: But Mr. Balducci, sir, I swear—

Balducci: THE FACTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES

Fieramosca: My God, you think I would be the one to do such a thing?

Balducci: Well, who else, you horrible person?

Teresa: (You traitor!)

Fieramosca: IT’S CELLINI

Teresa: CELLINI???

Balducci: CELLINI?!?!

Fieramosca: CELLINI!!!

Balducci: You call yourself Cellini! Have you lost your mind?

Fieramosca: No, no, WAIT!!!

Balducci: ENOUGH OF THIS

*He opens the window and starts yelling. Teresa also sticks her head outside and starts yelling.*

Teresa and Balducci: HEY EVERYONE GAETANA CATARINA FORNARINA PETRONILLA SCHOLASTICA AND EVERY OTHER NAME IN THE BABY BOOK COME HERE

Fieramosca: PLEASE STOP MAKING SUCH A HUGE RACKET 

*Teresa runs out the back door to call for help.*

Neighbors: *offstage* UGGGGGGGGH WHY ARE YOU NEIGHBORS FIGHTING AND MAKING SO MUCH NOISE

Balducci: A LIBERTINE IS IN MY HOUSE HE WAS HIDING IN MY DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM HELP US TEACH HIM A LESSON AND GET HIM OUT OF HERE

Neighbors: OH THAT’S A DIFFERENT STORY

Fieramosca: I’M NOT A LIBERTINE I’M A GOOD UPSTANDING PERSON PLEASE LISTEN TO ME THIS IS HIGHLY EMBARRASSING

*Balducci goes away from the window and Teresa returns.*

Teresa and Balducci: Fieramosca, you’re in good hands.

Fieramosca: THIS ISN’T AN ALLSTATE COMMERCIAL AND THIS ISN’T FUNNY

Teresa and Balducci: What’s Allstate? Oh, never mind.

Balducci: ONLY WOMEN CAN SHOW THE RIGHT WAY TO EXTRAVAGANT MEN LIKE YOURSELF

Fieramosca: Left to the mercy of women!...NO THIS IS HORRIBLE I FEEL LIKE I’M ORPHEUS BEING TORN APART BY THE BACCHANATES *******

*He tries to escape in one direction but is blocked by a large crowd of women armed with household objects.*

Neighbors: WE’RE GONNA TEACH YOU LIBERTINE A LESSON BECAUSE YOU’RE MESSING WITH A WOMAN’S HONOR SO YOU’RE GONNA TAKE A VERY UNPLEASANT BATH

*Fieramosca tries to escape in another direction but the same thing happens with a different crowd of women.*

Fieramosca: I just came here to have a good time and I honestly am feeling so attacked right now :(

Neighbors: LET’S TAKE HIM INTO THE GARDEN AND DUNK HIM IN THE HUGE FOUNTAIN YOU COWARD YOU’RE GONNA TAKE A BATH

*The same thing happens with a third crowd.*

YOU WRETCHED HONORLESS COWARD YOU’RE GONNA TAKE A BIG BATH IN THAT FOUNTAIN AND THE POND AND WE’RE GONNA LEAVE YOU THERE UNTIL MORNING YES YOU’RE GONNA BE IN THERE ALL NIGHT AND THERE’S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU CRY LIKE THE LITTLE BABY YOU ARE

Teresa and Balducci: YEAH BEAT HIM UP AND DUNK HIM IN THE FOUNTAIN SO HE CAN LEARN A LESSON THAT HE WILL NEVER FORGET

Fieramosca: YOU SHREWS WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME I REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE STRIPPED NAKED AND DUNKED INTO THE WATER AND LEFT THERE ALL NIGHT I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION

*He starts running around trying to find a means of escape.*

I’M ORPHEUS AND I’M BEING TORN APART BY THE BACCHANTES HOW DARE THEY TREAT ME LIKE I’M A LIBERTINE I SWEAR I’M A MAN OF HONOR AND I REALLY JUST NEED TO RUN AWAY

*Exit, hurriedly, pursued by the neighbors. Not quite as terrifying as a bear, but close. [We later find out that they successfully caught him and dunked him in the fountain anyway.]*

Notes

Scene 2: 

Evening, Mardi Gras. A tavern on the corner of the Piazza Colonna and the Via del Corso, with a view of Cassandro’s theater. Cellini is alone.

Cellini: Teresa will be here, at the Piazza Colonna, in only one more hour! Love, on this joyous day of Mardi Gras, let my heart be the happiest of them all! And if you don’t, ah, you are ungrateful!

I used to only care about glory, the kind of crazy noble hope that only artists have, but that’s all changed now and I reject it all; Teresa alone rules my heart! Love, see what I’ve done and how I’ve changed for you: protect her and protect me!

Teresa once lived so peacefully—like a stream flowing by far from the sea, her days and years passed by, one after the other, all the same, as they were supposed to. But she loves me enough that she’s willing to give that security up, and not only that, she wants to take up my life of wandering and misery instead, just because she loves me! Love, see what she does for you: protect her and protect me! **

*Francesco, Bernardino, and a bunch of Cellini’s friends and fellow goldsmiths enter, fully ready to party.*

Everyone: ALRIGHT EVERYONE LET’S GET WASTED (or not but whatevs we just want to drink)

Bernardino: TRALALALALALALALALA I AM AN EXCELLENT SINGER TRALALALALALALA LET’S ALL SING TRALALALALALALALALA

Cellini: Very well, but for the love of everything holy, please don’t sing any of those lowbrow drinking songs or ballads about sweethearts that EVERYONE sings in taverns. Let’s sing about how awesome metalworking is—a toast to our glory!

Everyone: THE EARTH MAY GROW AWESOME STUFF ON THE SURFACE WHEN THE WEATHER IS GOOD BUT PEOPLE CAN GET METAL FROM THE BOWELS OF THE EARTH AT ANY TIME 

HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS!!!! WE CAN CREATE TREASURE FROM WHAT’S BENEATH THE EARTH ANYTIME AND ANYWHERE

WHEN THE MASTER METALWORKER WORKS, GOLD SHINES LIKE THE SUN AND RUBIES LIKE FIRE IN THE NIGHT AND EVEN THE DIAMONDS AND TOPAZES SPARKLE AT NIGHT WITH THE STARS

When the world was created, artistic genius was given to four kinds of artists, each with their own tools: the architects have stone, the painters have color, the sculptors have marble, and those are cool and all, BUT WE THE METALWORKERS HAVE GOLD

METALS, THE UNDERGROUND NEVER-FADING FLOWERS, SHINE BRIGHTEST ON THE BROWS OF ALL THE GREATEST PEOPLE—THE KINGS AND QUEENS AND DUKES AND EMPERORS AND EVEN POPES—SO HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS

Bernardino: HEY everyone let’s have a moment of silence

Cellini: For what?

Bernardino: BEFORE WE START SINGING AGAIN LET’S ALL GET SOME MORE DRINKS

Everyone Else: YEAH WE NEED MORE WINE BECAUSE WE ALREADY DRANK WHAT WE GOT HEY TAVERN OWNER COME HERE

*The tavern owner, who is (probably) super-annoyed with everyone and definitely needs a nice vacay, comes in.*

Tavern Owner: uggggggggggggh whaddya want?

Everyone Else: WE WANT WINE

Tavern Owner: WE’RE OUT THANK YOU

Cellini: THIS IS LITERALLY A TAVERN HOW COULD YOU BE OUT OF WINE

Tavern Owner: Well, actually, we’re technically not out of wine but you’ve already had too much and if you want to drink more…

Everyone Else: Then...?

Tavern Owner: ...you need to pay up for the wine you’ve already had.

Everyone Else: Well, what do we owe you?

*The tavern owner gets out an exceedingly long list.*

Tavern Owner: Well, you asked for it, so here’s the whole long list of everything you bought:

First, white wines: Orvieto and Aleatico and Maraschino—that’s thirty.

Everyone Else: Thirty already?

Tavern Owner: Next up, reds: Ischia and Procida and Nisita—that makes sixty.

Everyone Else: wait SIXTY BOTTLES

Tavern Owner: And that’s not the half. There’s also Asti sparkling wine, Lipari wine, Lacryma-Christi (Jesus, you people drink a lot of the dude’s tears)—which brings the total to exactly one hundred and thirty bottles of wine.

Everyone Else: ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY BOTTLES SWEET JESUS WHO THE HELL BOUGHT THAT MANY

Tavern Owner: ...You people did. Not my problem.

Cellini: EVEN THE TRUMPETS OF THE LAST JUDGMENT WOULD BE LESS SCARY THAN THE VOICE AND THE LIST OF THE TAVERN OWNER

Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Friends and Workers: YEAH THIS IS HORRIBLE

Cellini: Hmm, how do we get out of this sticky situation?

Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Friends and Workers: LET’S BEAT UP THE TAVERN OWNER

Cellini: Nah. Let’s think about this.

Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Friends and Workers: awwwwwwww but we wanted to beat him up

*The tavern owner runs off.*

Cellini: Maybe Ascanio will save us!

*Ascanio, who is apparently well-versed in reality shows, comes in at that exact moment with a bag of money.*

Everyone: HURRAY THERE HE IS HE’S COME TO SAVE US LONG LIVE ASCANIO

*Cellini runs over to greet him.*

Cellini: THERE YOU ARE I’M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU LET’S CHAT AND LET ME HAVE THE MONEY IT LOOKS LIKE THE POPE GAVE YOU FOR THE STATUE

Ascanio: Hold on, wait a sec! I’m ready to drink as much as any of you, but first I need to tell you something very important.

This is indeed from the Pope: it’s advance money for the casting of the Perseus statue, which everyone on the Italian peninsula is waiting for with baited breath! There’s one condition attached, though: you must have the statue done tomorrow. I need your oath. ***

Cellini: Tomorrow? Very well, nothing I can’t handle. I swear it.

Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Friends and Workers: AND WE SWEAR IT TOO SINCE WE’RE GONNA HELP CAST IT

Everyone: WE GIVE OUR WORD THAT THE STATUE WILL BE CAST TOMORROW WITHOUT ANY DELAY

Ascanio: Alright, now I can feel good about giving you this money since you’ve all promised. I hear you have to pay off a bill; here you go.

*Cellini empties the bag and examines the contents, visibly disappointed.*

Cellini: That’s IT???

Francesco and Bernardino: That’s practically nothing!

Ascanio: Hey, not my fault that Balducci is an old, grouchy fool.

Cellini: Well, he doesn’t like me anyway, and at least this is definitely enough to pay the bill. Waiter!

*The tavern owner comes back. Cellini mimics his nasal voice.*

Here’s your precious money to pay off your precious bill!

*The tavern owner, trembling, accepts the money.*

Tavern Owner: FINALLY THANK YOU do you want to drink?

Everyone Else: YEAH GET US SOME MORE WINE

*He goes off.*

Cellini: HEY EVERYONE I HAVE THE BEST IDEA TO GET REVENGE ON BALDUCCI FOR PAYING ME SO BADLY so I know that Balducci is coming to see Cassandro’s show at the Carnival celebrations tonight so since we’re buddies with Cassandro and his troupe whaddya say to paying the troupe to make fun of Balducci in the show tonight and even maybe getting in on shaming and humiliating him ourselves???

Everyone Else: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY THAT SOUNDS AWESOME

Cellini: ANATHEMA ON GIACOMO BALDUCCI

Everyone Else: YEAH HE CAN GO SUCK IT MEANWHILE WE’RE GONNA MAKE ALL OF ROME LAUGH AT HIM SO LET’S GO TO CASSANDRO’S

Everyone: GLORY TO US LET’S SING THE SONG ABOUT HOW AWESOME METALWORKERS ARE AGAIN

Cellini: Just the last part—that’s the best verse!

Everyone: METALS, THE UNDERGROUND NEVER-FADING FLOWERS, SHINE BRIGHTEST ON THE BROWS OF ALL THE GREATEST PEOPLE—THE KINGS AND QUEENS AND DUKES AND EMPERORS AND EVEN POPES—SO HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS

*Fieramosca, who has been spying on all this, comes out of his hiding place.*

Fieramosca: IT’S TOO MUCH ALL THIS SHAMELESS PLOTTING AND I WON’T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS ****

*Pompeo casually strolls in.*

Pompeo: Hey, what’s up with you?

Fieramosca: WHAT’S UP WITH ME??? MY LIFE IS FALLING APART AND I’M FILLED WITH RAGE BECAUSE CELLINI—

Pompeo: oh what did he do NOW

*Fieramosca runs over to Pompeo and embraces him.*

Fieramosca: POMPEO MY DEAR FRIEND MY SAVIOR

Pompeo: oh wait I heard what happened to you yesterday.

Fieramosca: You know? I haven’t even told you yet!

Pompeo: Everyone knows. You got beaten up and dunked into a fountain.

Fieramosca: PLEASE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT DEAR POMPEO ANYWAY THE WHOLE SITUATION GETS MUCH WORSE

Pompeo: How so?

Fieramosca: TERESA AND HER DAD ARE GONNA SEE CASSANDRO’S SHOW AT CARNIVAL TONIGHT

Pompeo: ...I fail to see the problem.

Fieramosca: THE PROBLEM IS THAT WHILE THE SHOW’S GOING ON AND BALDUCCI’S DISTRACTED A WHITE FRIAR AND A CAPUCHIN ARE GOING TO CARRY OFF MY FIANCÉE

Pompeo: Bravo!

Fieramosca: YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT THE WHITE FRIAR IS CELLINI AND THE CAPUCHIN IS HIS APPRENTICE ASCANIO

Pompeo: Bravo!

Fieramosca: ...Excuse me?

Pompeo: Long live boldness!

Fieramosca: I don’t care what happens to me but I’m going to tell Mr. Balducci about this plan and we’ll see if he cries ‘Bravo!’

Pompeo: oh my goodness you IDIOT do you not get it

Fieramosca: What?

Pompeo: I love you, but since you’re obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed, let me explain it to you in small words so you can understand: since you know his plan, use the plan yourself.

Fieramosca: but HOW

Pompeo: omg this is so frustrating you dress up as a White Friar and I dress up as a Capuchin and we get there before Cellini and Ascanio 

Fieramosca: good idea BUT WHAT IF CELLINI SEES ME HE’S GONNA KILL ME

Pompeo: DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT YOU HAVE ME AND I’M A PRO AT THIS

Fieramosca: Very well.

WHO CAN STAND UP TO ME WAS I NOT BORN TO FIGHT WOE TO THE MAN WHO DARES CROSS ME AND EVEN MORE WOE TO THE MAN WHO DARES MOCK ME BECAUSE I’M AS QUICK TO A SWORD AS TO ANGER HERE’S A QUARTE HERE’S A TIERCE LONG LIVE FENCING WHICH (aside from sculpting and getting humiliated by my fiancée and the guy she likes I guess) IS MY BEST SKILL *****

TERESA MY HEART IS BURNING FOR YOU LIKE MOUNT VESUVIUS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT IF YOU WANTED ME TO I’D MAKE WAR ON HELL AND EVERYONE IN IT AND I’D EVEN FIGHT CELLINI AND NOT EVEN A HUNDRED CELLINIS COULD KNOCK ME DOWN

NO!  NO ONE CAN STAND UP TO ME WAS I NOT BORN TO FIGHT WOE TO THE MAN WHO DARES CROSS ME AND EVEN MORE WOE TO THE MAN WHO DARES MOCK ME BECAUSE I’M AS QUICK TO A SWORD AS TO ANGER HERE’S A QUARTE HERE’S A TIERCE LONG LIVE FENCING WHICH IS MY BEST SKILL

*He grabs his sword or some other random object and starts mock-swordfighting. Popping random balloons is optional but strongly encouraged.*

ONE TWO THREE ONE TWO THREE THRUST PARRY ONE TWO ONE...DEAD! I MERCILESSLY STAB HIM THROUGH THE HEART AND I AM VICTORIOUS

Pompeo: Bravo! Now let’s go. The party’s almost starting.

Fieramosca: Dear Pompeo, let me embrace you!

*They hug.*

Pompeo: Now let’s get a couple habits from...somewhere. Don’t be afraid. Everything will go just fine.

*They leave together.*

Notes

Scene 3:

The Piazza Colonna a short time later, with Cassandro’s theater and everything decked out for Carnival.

Balducci: I really hope you appreciate that I’m taking you to the theater at your request, even though you know that all I do at the theater is complain about the actors and you know that I don’t like theater anyway. Anyway, let’s see what weird new show all the kids these days are talking about.

*He goes to read the advertisement for the show, leaving Teresa alone.*

Teresa: What should I do? Could I really leave my old father alone and break his heart?

*She goes over to her father. Cellini, dressed in a white habit, and Ascanio, dressed in a brown habit, enter.* **

Cellini and Ascanio: let’s keep our project on the down-low and let the troupers distract Balducci and then work together and get Teresa and then go to the notary!

Teresa: Could I really leave my father behind? Then again, maybe, when we get married, he’ll learn to accept it!

Balducci: I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS BECAUSE I KNOW I WON’T

Cellini and Ascanio: let’s let this plan play out!

*The four of them get lost in the crowd.*

Revellers: HEY EVERYONE CASSANDRO IS PRESENTING A NEW SHOW SO STICK AROUND AND SEE IF IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IF IT’S NOT WE’LL BOO OUR HEADS OFF

*A group of dancers with tambourines enters, along with Francesco, Bernardino, and the members of Cassandro’s troupe. Teresa and even Balducci get mixed in with the dancers. People mingle in the square and start to join in with the dancing.*

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: HEY EVERYONE COME HERE COME SEE THIS AWESOME NEW SHOW

Revellers: BRAVO BRAVO

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: HEY EVERYONE COME SEE CASSANDRO AND HIS AWESOME NEW SHOW

Revellers: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BRAVO BRAVO

IT’S DARK BUT WE’RE ALL SO HAPPY AND THE CITY IS SO NOISY AND WE’RE ALL IN LOVE AND A LITTLE BIT DRUNK HOW COULD YOU BE SAD

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: C’MON COME SEE THE SHOW

Revellers: HEY MUSICIANS PLAY ON WE LOVE YOUR MOOD

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: HEY EVERYONE WE DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE A DOCTOR OR A JOKER COME SEE OUR AWESOME SHOW

Revellers: LONG LIVE JOY LET’S DROWN IN JOY LET’S DRINK AND SING AND DANCE

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: ALL YOU MASQUERADERS COME SEE THE SHOW TOO

Teresa and Revellers: CARNIVAL IS A HUGE PARTY WHERE EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND THE WORLD TURNS UPSIDE DOWN

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: HEY EVERYONE WE’RE GONNA KEEP SAYING IT COME SEE OUR AWESOME NEW SHOW

Revellers: WHO ELSE IS EXCITED ABOUT THIS NEW SHOW

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: DON’T GO AWAY BECAUSE CARNIVAL AIN’T COMPLETE WITHOUT US AND OUR AWESOME SHOWS

Some of the Revellers: KEEP YELLING AT US IF YOU WANT BUT WE THINK DANCING’S MORE FUN SORRY NOT SORRY

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: WE DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU STUPID DANCERS THINK EVERYONE COME SEE THE SHOW

Teresa and Revellers: WE LOVE TO DANCE AND ALL THE WORLD IS A BALL SO LET’S DANCE WHILE WE CAN

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: EVERYONE COME SEE OUR NEW SHOW CASSANDRO’S AWESOME AND YOUR DANCING IS STUPID

Revellers: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT CARNIVAL IS A HUGE PARTY THAT MAKES THE CITY BURN WITH DELIGHT AND THE WORLD TURN UPSIDE DOWN

*The trumpeters signal the beginning of the show. Most of the people take seats near the stage, including Teresa and Balducci. Cellini and Ascanio grab seats on the left. Fieramosca (dressed in white) and Pompeo (dressed in brown) find seats on the right.*

Men: HEY EVERYONE STOP DANCING THE SHOW’S ABOUT TO START

Women: YEAH EVERYONE BE QUIET THE SHOW’S STARTING

*The curtain of the theater rises to reveal four actors onstage: a man dressed like the Pope, a man dressed like Balducci sitting on a throne, and two men dressed like Swiss Guards and holding money and laurels.*

People: LOOK THERE’S THE POPE AND HIS TREASURER BALDUCCI

Balducci: OH SO THIS IS HOW IT IS THEY’RE GONNA MOCK ME ONSTAGE HUH

Teresa: oh no oh no let’s go, Dad!

Balducci: Well, I paid to see this stupid show so I might as well stay here and see the whole thing and see myself get completely and utterly humiliated. After this, though, I'm going to go speak to the Pope about how the people are making fun of us and about the utter blasphemy they’re committing!

People: HEY YOU OVER THERE SHUT UP WE CAN’T HEAR THE SHOW

Cellini: Hey, Ascanio, do you see Teresa?

Ascanio: She’s over there.

Fieramosca: Hey, Pompeo, do you see Teresa?

Pompeo: She’s over there.

Teresa: this is the most embarrassing thing ever

People: HEY EVERYONE SHUT UP

Balducci: BUT I DON’T WANNA SHUT UP

People: CAN IT

*Colombine enters.*

Colombine: HEY EVERYONE OUR SHOW’S STARTING AND WE HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU BECAUSE HARLEQUIN AND PIERROT ARE GONNA COMPETE IN THE ITALIAN PENINSULA’S GOT TALENT TO SEE WHO’S THE BETTER SINGER ***

People: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

*The actors playing Harlequin and Pierrot enter.*

Some People: HARLEQUIN IS BEING PLAYED BY THE BEST TENOR IN ROME

Other People: PIERROT IS BEING PLAYED BY A SINGER FROM TUSCANY BUT IS HE ACTUALLY A MAN OR JUST AN ASS

Women: PLEASE BE QUIET HARLEQUIN IS ABOUT TO SING

Men: YOU BE QUIET

*Harlequin (in pantomime) sings and accompanies himself on the lyre. Some people continue talking; the fake Balducci falls asleep.*

Men: Well done! Bravo! You damn chatterboxes need to shut up!

Women: YOU HAVE TO WATCH HARLEQUIN HE’S BEING PLAYED BY ROME’S FINEST TENOR

Everyone: HE’S SUCH A GOOD SINGER AND HE’S DOING SO WELL EVEN THOUGH TECHNICALLY HE’S NOT ACTUALLY SINGING

*Harlequin’s section comes to an end. Pierrot (again, in pantomime) sings and accompanies himself on the bass drum. The people all listen attentively; the fake Balducci wakes up and, delighted, beats to the time of the music.*

Some People: LOOK HOW MUCH THE OLD TREASURER IS ENJOYING THIS

Balducci: THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER OF THIS

Some People: STOP BEING SUCH A KAREN

Balducci: WHAT’S A KAREN

Some People: NEVER MIND YOU’RE TOO FOOLISH TO UNDERSTAND

Other People: HAHAHAHAHA THE OLD MAN IS SO HAPPY HAHAHAHAHAHA

*When the song is over, Harlequin and Pierrot both wait, expecting the prize. The fake Balducci gives a small coin to Harlequin, who is visibly disappointed, and then gives the rest of the money to Pierrot.*

People: Well, when the judge has an ass’s ears…

Balducci: SCREW YOU ALL I DEMAND TO SEE THE MANAGER OF THIS OPERATION

Teresa: please be quiet you’re only making them laugh louder

*The fake Balducci gives the laurel wreath to Pierrot. Harlequin then hits both of the other actors with a wooden sword. Colombine unsuccessfully attempts to intervene.*

People: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BRAVI THIS IS THE BEST SHOW EVER

Balducci: FINE SINCE I CAN’T SPEAK TO THE MANAGER I’M GONNA TAKE THIS INTO MY OWN HANDS

*He jumps up from his seat, runs onstage, and begins attacking the comedians with his cane.*

Teresa: oh my GOD DAD STOP BEING SUCH A KAREN

People: LONG LIVE CARNIVAL BRAVI THE ORIGINAL AND THE ACTOR ARE FACE TO FACE SO NOW WE GET TO SEE WHICH IS UGLIER

*Some of the people stay to watch the fight between Balducci and the comedians, while others go back to dancing and mingling. Several people carrying moccoli (little candles often carried at Carnival) mix with the crowd. People keep blowing out and relighting the moccoli. Several coaches are bearing torches; these are blown out from apartment windows above by people bearing large bellows. Cellini, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Pompeo make their way through the crowd, trying to find Teresa. In general, it’s absolute pandemonium; what else would you expect?* ****

Cellini and Fieramosca: *to their respective assistants* Come on, let’s push our way through this huge crowd and get Teresa!

*Teresa has made her way downstage and is looking for Cellini and Ascanio when she sees, but does not definitively recognize, them.*

Teresa: OH HEY I THINK THAT’S CELLINI WITH ASCANIO

*She sees Fieramosca and Pompeo in their disguises but does not recognize them.*

WAIT WHAT WHY IS THERE ANOTHER WHITE FRIAR AND CAPUCHIN MONK DUO WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS

Fieramosca: HI IT’S ME

Cellini: HI IT’S ME

Teresa: WHICH ONE IS THE ORIGINAL

Revellers: MOCCOLI MOCCOLI MOCCOLI

Cellini and Fieramosca: IT’S ME COME WITH ME

Revellers: MOCCOLI MOCCOLI MOCCOLI

Other Revellers: YOU MOCCOLI PEOPLE ARE SO ANNOYING

Revellers: MOCCOLI MOCCOLI IT KINDA RHYMES WITH BROCCOLI MOCCOLI MOCCOLI

Cellini: THERE’S ANOTHER MONK HERE THERE’S SOME TREACHERY AFOOT GOD DAMN IT

Pompeo: C’MON FIERAMOSCA WE CAN DO THIS DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT

Fieramosca: this is the worst plan EVER

Pompeo: KEEP GOING ANYWAY

Ascanio: WE NEED TO AVENGE THIS TREACHERY

Pompeo: SERIOUSLY FIERAMOSCA I LOVE YOU BUT PLEASE STOP WORRYING ABOUT THIS

*Cellini draws his sword.*

Cellini: I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE YOU ASKED FOR IT BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO KIDNAP MY GIRLFRIEND

Fieramosca: POMPEO PLEASE COME OVER HERE AND HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I’M GETTING SCARED

Ascanio: *running after Fieramosca* I WILL GET YOU

*Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Pompeo all draw their swords. Cellini fights Pompeo; Ascanio fights Fieramosca.*

Teresa: FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE SOMEONE STOP THIS

*Some of the revellers unsuccessfully attempt to restrain the four fighters.*

Revellers: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND IT’S CARNIVAL THIS ISN’T A TIME FOR FIGHTING

Cellini: NO I HAVEN’T LOST MY MIND

Teresa: EVERYONE STOP IT

Fieramosca: *running away from Ascanio* SOMEONE HELP ME

Pompeo: KEEP GOING

Cellini: YOU ARE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

Fieramosca: SERIOUSLY SOMEONE HELP ME

Cellini: NO YOU’RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS NO

*He runs Pompeo through with his sword. Everyone immediately stops what they’re doing and screams.*

Pompeo: I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I AM DEAD

*He dies.*

People: OH SHIT A DUDE JUST GOT MURDERED FIRE POLICE AMBULANCE

*Balducci, in a state of disarray from the fight, returns.*

Balducci: GOOD LORD THERE’S A DEAD MAN WHERE’S MY DAUGHTER

*Guards arrive. Fieramosca runs over to Pompeo’s body, checking behind him because he believes that Ascanio is still following him.*

Fieramosca: HELP ME....OH MY GOD POMPEO’S DEAD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

People: *pointing to Cellini* ARREST THAT FRIAR HE DID IT AND HIS SWORD STILL HAS THAT DUDE’S BLOOD ALL OVER IT

*Cellini is arrested. Everyone gathers around him.*

Cellini: I’M DONE FOR

Fieramosca: I’m saved…

Francesco and Bernardino: THEY CAUGHT OUR MASTER

Ascanio: MY POOR MASTER DOESN’T DESERVE THIS

Fieramosca: WE GOT ‘IM

Teresa: WHY IS FATE SO CRUEL

Teresa, Balducci, Francesco, and the Troupers: THIS IS THE WORST NIGHT EVER

Women: Such a good man killed…

Men: A KNAVE DID THIS

*Cellini’s friends and assistants pretend not to recognize him in order to more effectively set up their plan.*

Fieramosca, Balducci, Francesco, Bernardino, and People: HOW COULD THIS MAN MURDER A CAPUCHIN THAT’S LIKE THE WORST THING EVER HE’S PROBABLY A BANDIT FROM THE COUNTRYSIDE OR A SPURNED LOVER OR SOMETHING KEEP A GOOD GRIP ON HIM

Teresa: HE RUINED HIMSELF FOR MY SAKE I FEEL AWFUL I DIDN’T KNOW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN BUT I STILL FEEL AWFUL ALSO HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE TREAT HIM LIKE A MONSTER

Cellini: THIS IS THE WORST NIGHT EVER HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE TREAT ME LIKE A MONSTER

Ascanio: MY DEAR MASTER I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS TO YOU AND TREATING YOU LIKE A MONSTER

*Suddenly, the cannon of the Castel di Sant’Angelo booms three times. As presumably per end-of-Carnival tradition, everyone blows out their candles and torches, plunging the square into darkness.* *****

Cellini: MY FRIENDS HELP ME I’VE BEEN CAUGHT

*Francesco, Bernardino, and others create a large commotion. In the general confusion caused by that, the darkness, and the booming of the cannon, Cellini pushes his way through the crowd and escapes.*

People: WE CAN’T SEE ANYTHING

Fieramosca, Balducci, and Chorus: HEY GUARDS DO YOU STILL HAVE HIM

Guards: NO WE DON’T HELP US

People: BUT YOU’RE THE ONES WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE HIM

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Other Friends and Workers: THANK GOODNESS HE ESCAPED

Fieramosca and Balducci: WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEYSTICKS WE JUST HAD HIM

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Other Friends and Workers: THANK YOU CANNON FOR SOUNDING AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME SO HE COULD ESCAPE

Fieramosca, Balducci, and People: CURSE YOU STUPID CANNON WE JUST HAD HIM WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO OFF NOW

Balducci: TERESA COME HERE

Teresa: DAD—

Ascanio: *grabbing Teresa’s arm* HEY TERESA IT’S ME ASCANIO COME WITH ME

*The two of them make their way through the crowd, trying to avoid Fieramosca and Balducci.*

People: OH GOD THE MURDERER ESCAPED WE JUST HAD HIM AND NOW WE CAN’T SEE A THING AND HE’S GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT

Balducci: TERESA WHERE ARE YOU IT’S SO DARK AND NOISY OUT AND I CAN’T SEE A THING

Fieramosca: CURSE THIS STUPID CANNON WE JUST HAD HIM BUT NOW THERE’S A MURDERER ON THE RUN AND IT’S SO DARK AND NOISY OUT SO I CAN’T SEE A THING

Teresa and Ascanio: IT’S SO NOISY OUT BUT HE’S GOTTEN AWAY SO THAT’S GOOD

People: THIS IS GETTING WAY TOO CRAZY AND IT’S JUST PLAIN CHAOS

*In the midst of the chaos, Balducci bumps into Fieramosca.*

Balducci: IT’S HIM IT’S THE MONK IN WHITE

Fieramosca: wait WHAT

Balducci: I GOT HIM

Fieramosca: EXCUSE ME WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

Guards: WE’RE COMING

*They arrest Fieramosca.*

Balducci: KEEP A GOOD GRIP ON HIM

People: THEY GOT HIM

Balducci: TERESA WHERE ARE YOU

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Other Friends and Workers: HAHAHAHA THEY GOT FIERAMOSCA THAT’S EXCELLENT

Fieramosca: BUT I’M NOT—

People: TAKE HIM AWAY

Fieramosca: YOU’RE MISTAKING ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE

Guards and People: LET’S TAKE CARE OF THIS MURDERER

Fieramosca: BUT MY NAME IS FIERAMOSCA

Guards: LET’S GO OFF TO PRISON

Balducci: SERIOUSLY TERESA WHERE ARE YOU

Several People, One At A Time, Around the Square: THEY CAUGHT HIM

Fieramosca: I SWEAR TO GOD I’M FIERAMOSCA

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, and Some People: YOU MURDERER WE’LL HAVE YOU HANGED RIGHT AWAY YOU’RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

Balducci, Bernardino, and Other People: WHY WOULD YOU MURDER A CAPUCHIN ON THE EVE OF ASH WEDNESDAY WE’LL HAVE YOU HANGED RIGHT AWAY YOU’RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

Fieramosca: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ALL WANT TO THROW ME IN PRISON AND HANG ME LISTEN TO ME I DIDN’T MURDER ANYONE I AM A GOOD CITIZEN OF ROME AND MY NAME IS FIERAMOSCA

Everyone: OH GOD I’M SUFFOCATING GIVE ME SOME ROOM LET ME OUT OF HERE WE’LL NEVER MAKE IT OUT OF HERE

Balducci: I CAN’T FIND MY DAUGHTER TERESA

Teresa and Ascanio: C’MON LET’S GO WE NEED TO STICK TOGETHER

Fieramosca: OH GOD I’M SUFFOCATING DON’T STRANGLE ME

Everyone: OH GOD YOU’RE CRUSHING ME THIS IS A LIVING HELL ON EARTH AND ALSO COMPLETE AND UTTER CHAOS AND WE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OUT

*Teresa and Ascanio run off. Fieramosca is led off by the guards. In a panic, everyone else tries to push their way out of the square.*

Notes

Also, a collection of several artistic portrayals of the Piazza Colonna and Carnival in Rome!

Act II:

Scene 1:

Early morning, Ash Wednesday. Cellini’s workshop. Various creations of Cellini’s are scattered around. On the right is a plaster model of the Perseus statue. At the back is a door, with one window on each side. The windows look out onto the street.

*Teresa and Ascanio run in. Teresa starts looking out one of the windows while Ascanio closes the door.*

Teresa: Oh God, what’s happened to Cellini? Where could he be?

Ascanio: He’ll be here soon, Teresa. Don’t worry about it.

Teresa: NO I SWEAR HE’S BEEN CAUGHT OR HE’S DEAD

Ascanio: No, he’s alright, listen to me; he’s not the kind of guy who could get caught by the Pope’s men or the law.

Teresa: But why hasn’t he made it here yet?

*A group of White Friars (a Carmelite order of monks) starts to pass by.*

White Friars: Vas spirituale, Maria, sancta mater, ora pro nobis…

*For the sake of concision, the White Friars continue chanting intermittently in much the same vein for the next few minutes.* **

Ascanio: Listen!

*He runs over to a window and looks out.*

Teresa: Is it him?

*Ascanio comes back.*

Ascanio: Unfortunately, no. That song is just a group of monks passing by and chanting prayers as they go off to their holy works.

Teresa: This hurts too much!

Ascanio: Take heart.

Teresa: We must pray!

Teresa and Ascanio: Alright, then.

*They kneel.*

Holy Virgin, star of the morning, smile and shed some light on us...

*The White Friars pass by the door at this point; their voices gradually fade as they move away.*

Holy Virgin, star of the morning, have mercy and bring Cellini safely back to us!

*Cellini, still dressed in his white habit (which is now covered in blood) runs in.*

Cellini: HEY I’M HERE

Teresa and Ascanio: CELLINI THANK GOODNESS YOU’RE HERE

*They run over to him.*

Teresa: You aren’t wounded, are you?

Cellini: No, thank God, but I did get a bit frazzled along the way.

Ascanio: You? Frazzled?

Cellini: It took all my luck to get out of all that craziness and certain arrest.

Teresa and Ascanio: What happened?

Cellini: Okay, here goes, I bet you’ve never heard anything like this:

SO it was really dark and I had my dagger and I was running through this huge crowd and I got out and I kept running because there was this huge mob chasing after me and yelling for my blood because yeah of course they were and I was still wearing this habit—

Ascanio: Couldn’t you have just taken it off?

Cellini: DON’T INTERRUPT MY STORY anyway just in the nick of time I saw a building with the door open and I hid behind the door and they still kept running because they didn’t see me so I closed the door and then I thought about Teresa and blessed my patron saint and then I felt really weak and the ground started shaking under me and then I fainted

Teresa: OOH WHAT HAPPENED NEXT I’M REALLY SCARED BUT ALSO VERY INTRIGUED

Ascanio: ...I’m not buying it also how come SHE gets to interrupt your story

Cellini: Ascanio, I think very highly of you but you’re not my girlfriend ANYWAY I woke up a while later and it was dawn and the rooftops were covered in beautiful light and the roosters were crowing and people were walking around everywhere and I had no idea how I was going to get home but a bunch of friars dressed like me happened to pass by so I slipped in and they happened to pass by here so I slipped out AND NOW I’M HERE AND SO ARE YOU ***

Teresa: And may God never separate us again!

Ascanio: Uh, guys, I hate to break it to you but one of you is still wanted for murder and the other’s dad is probably looking for us as we speak so we’re not out of danger yet.

Cellini: You’re right. We have to go NOW.

Teresa: We have to go? We should just try hiding out—

Cellini: No, we have to go NOW.

Ascanio: BUT YOU STILL HAVE A STATUE TO FINISH

Cellini: TO HELL WITH MY STATUE AND THE POPE AND THE LAW WE JUST NEED TO RUN AWAY TO FLORENCE ASCANIO GO GET US A HORSE

Ascanio: Very well. You can count on me and I’ll be back here as soon as I can.

*He leaves.*

Teresa: My love, God is on our side! After everything, we’re here together, which is the proof that God has blessed us...

Cellini: Yes! Let’s enjoy this moment, our love, the brief moment of peace we have now before we have to flee…

Teresa: YESTERDAY WAS PLAIN AWFUL

Cellini: You can say that again.

Teresa: YESTERDAY WAS PLAIN AWFUL

Cellini: BUT THAT’S NOT NOW THAT’S THEN

Teresa: You’re right; it’s a new day that’ll dry our tears…

Cellini: Even though the future may be dark…

Teresa: ...we have peace and love and happiness!

Cellini: Let’s live and let death come when it will!

Teresa: But first take off the habit. You can’t be seen in it.

*Cellini takes off his habit and puts it on a chair.*

Cellini: There we go. Time is running out, but first...how about a mock swordfight?

Teresa: I AM SO DOWN CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON

*They start mock-swordfighting.*

Cellini: Ah, brava! What bravery, my squire!

Teresa: Put on your breastplate!

*The fight comes to an end.*

Cellini and Teresa: GOD HAS BLESSED US SO WE’LL BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE HE HAS BLESSED ALL OUR WISHES ****

You know, when eagles in the mountains hear their friends being captured, what do they do? They stick together and help each other out and yell their war cries and help each other escape! And they fly far away despite everything, even being shot at! LET’S DO THE SAME THING AND RUN AWAY TO FLORENCE WE’LL BRAVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE EVEN THE VATICAN LET’S GO

*Ascanio runs in, in a state of panic.*

Ascanio: HEY SIR DEAR SIR WE HAVE A BIT OF A PROBLEM

Cellini: What is it?

Ascanio: BALDUCCI AND FIERAMOSCA ARE HERE I JUST SAW THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW

Teresa: OH SHOOT IT’S MY DAD

Cellini: Don’t be afraid. I’ll take care of this.

*He helps Teresa hide behind the model of Perseus.*

Ascanio: THERE THEY ARE

*Balducci and Fieramosca enter. Fieramosca sees Cellini and immediately starts backing towards the door, but Balducci goes to confront Cellini with his cane.*

Balducci: AT LAST I HAVE FOUND YOU, YOU MURDERER AND SEDUCER AND BRIGAND AND AT THIS POINT I’M JUST GOING TO CALL YOU EVERY NOT-NICE THING IN THE BOOK BECAUSE I’M JUST FED UP WITH AND SEVERELY PO’D AT YOU

Cellini: Oh excuse me, Mr. Giacomo, I didn’t realize that you could just show up at my house and start making such a ruckus. What’s gotten into you?

Balducci: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT GIVE ME BACK MY DAUGHTER I KNOW SHE’S HERE SO GIVE HER BACK OR ELSE I WILL BEAT YOU UP WITH THI—

Cellini: DON’T EVEN THI—

*Teresa runs out and falls on her knees before her father.*

Teresa: DAD I’M SORRY NOW I’M KNEELING BEFORE YOU

Balducci: ahhhhhhhhhhh THERE you are so let me get this straight: you honor your beloved mother by running away from me and planning to escape with, of all things, A KNOWN MURDERER wow who would’ve thought that you, of all people, could be such a horrible person?

Teresa: DAD JUST LISTEN TO ME

Cellini: Your daughter would NEVER—

Teresa: YEAH DAD I WOULD NEVER

Cellini: I’ll say it: I’m the only guilty party here.

Balducci: That’s a load of BS coming from you; I know what I know about you…

Cellini: Which is…?

Balducci: uh...NEVER MIND ANYWAY TERESA GO HOME

*Cellini steps in between Balducci and Teresa.*

Cellini: STOP I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER

Balducci: WHAT DOES THAT MATTER

Cellini: AND SHE LOVES ME

Balducci: WELL TOO BAD SO SAD

Cellini: THIS IS THE FASTEST WAY TO RUIN YOUR FAMILY’S HONOR

Balducci: THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE ALSO YOU TWO ARE BREAKING UP EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

Cellini: THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS

Teresa: DAD STOP IT

Balducci: TERESA WE ARE LEAVING

Teresa: CELLINI HELP ME OUT HERE

Cellini: DON’T WORRY TERESA I GOT YOU

Balducci: Fieramosca, come claim your wife!

Everyone Else [yes, including Fieramosca]: wait WHAT

*Fieramosca timidly goes over to Teresa.*

Fieramosca: uhhhhh so I guess this is a thing now so uhhhhhh let’s leave

Cellini: You thief, if you so much as TOUCH HER I WILL

Balducci: FIERAMOSCA TAKE HER OUT OF HERE

Fieramosca: *backing away* Me? But I don’t want to cause even more of a scene…

Cellini: IF YOU SO MUCH AS MOVE TOWARDS HER FIERAMOSCA I WILL SEND YOU TO HELL

Balducci: FIERAMOSCA DO SOMETHING

Fieramosca: BUT I DON’T WANNA CAUSE A SCENE

Ascanio: Some son-in-law!

Teresa: OH MY GOD CAN EVERYONE CALM DOWN FOR FIVE SECONDS 

*A disturbance from outside causes everyone to stop arguing and look up, only to see an unexpected development.*

Everyone: OH SHOOT IT’S THE POPE hey everyone we need to stop fighting and shut up and show some respect omg the Pope is here

*They all promptly shut up and kneel as Pope Clément VII (who will hereafter be referred to as ‘The Pope’ on the understanding that he is not the current Pope in The Real World™), dressed in traveling costume, enters with his retinue.*

The Pope: My children, full indulgence for all your sins! Rise; I don’t want to feel so aloof because I feel like you are all my children, and mercy is the dearest value to our hearts! Rise, my children! A full indulgence for all your sins! Rise!

Balducci and Fieramosca: Uh, Your Holiness, we very humbly give you our request: avenge us!

The Pope: Avenge you? For what? Oh, and for crying out loud, I’ve already asked you like...six times to rise and you’re still down there on the floor.

*Everyone gets up.*

Balducci: A GUY ABDUCTED MY DAUGHTER AND DISHONORED MY GOOD NAME

Fieramosca: AND THE SAME GUY KILLED MY SIDEKICK BUDDY WITH WHOM I DEFINITELY DID NOT HAVE A HOMOEROTIC RELATIONSHIP

The Pope: Who did all this?

Balducci and Fieramosca: CELLINI

Balducci: *gesturing to Teresa* THERE’S MY DAUGHTER

Fieramosca: *holding Cellini’s discarded bloodstained habit* AND THERE’S THE BLOOD HE SHED

Cellini, Teresa, and Ascanio: NO CELLINI ISN’T GUILTY

Balducci: Cellini, one, you literally said you were the only guilty one here like five minutes ago; two, I absolutely hate it when people refer to themselves in the third person.

Cellini: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE NO FUN BALDUCCI

The Pope: A murder and an abduction? Cellini, you did all that? Really? Are you kidding me right now? Are you always going to play the little devil?

Cellini: No. Please, just hear me out for a moment.

The Pope: First, how’s the statue coming?

Cellini: Oh, right. The statue. The statue for you. The statue especially made for you. Your statue. That statue?

The Pope: YES, that statue.

Cellini: Uh...I don’t got you covered. *****

The Pope: What?

Cellini: ...It’s not done yet.

The Pope: Wait a sec...after all this time I’ve given you, and after your promise to have it done today, IT’S STILL NOT FINISHED?!

Everyone: It still hasn’t been cast!

The Pope: So you used my advance money to break a father’s heart and murder a man in the middle of Carnival and then spent the rest drinking? Seriously?

Balducci and Fieramosca: YEAH HE DID

Cellini, Teresa, and Ascanio: NO HE DIDN’T

Balducci and Fieramosca: SHUT UP

Cellini, Teresa, and Ascanio: YOU SHUT UP

The Pope: EVERYONE SHUT UP

Very well, then, you leave me no choice: another will cast the statue.

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: ANOTHER?!

Cellini: Another cast my statue? EXCUSE ME WHAT DID YOU SAY OH WAIT I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID AND IT IS NOT HAPPENING ON MY WATCH

I WOULD SOONER DESTROY MY OWN MODEL THAN ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE TO—

Everyone Else: What is he DOING?!?!

Fieramosca and Balducci: HOW DARE YOU?!?! ARE YOU NOT IN THE PRESENCE OF THE POPE?!?!?!?!

Cellini: Yes! May the Virgin forgive me, and the Pope, and my patron saint, but NO ONE ELSE, NOT EVEN MICHELANGELO HIMSELF WILL CAST THIS STATUE BECAUSE I’D RATHER DIE THAN THAT HAPPEN

The Pope: Fine, let’s test that out. Guards! Arrest Cellini immediately.

*The guards come forward but at the same time, Cellini picks up a large hammer and runs over to the model of the statue.*

Cellini: I will whack this model into tiny, unrecognizable bits before a single one of your guards lays a hand on me.

*He raises the hammer to smash the model, but everyone screams.*

The Pope: STOP oh for holy God’s sake

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: He defied the Pope to his face! What has he done?

The Pope: FINE you demon, what do you need to calm down? Honestly, at this point, I mostly just want to see my future display piece not get hacked to bits.

*Cellini moves in front of the model, lowering his hammer but still holding it.*

Cellini: Full forgiveness for all my sins.

The Pope: Very well; you will have it without confession.

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: Without even confession!

The Pope: I have said it; it will be done.

Cellini: That’s not all. I want Teresa’s hand in marriage.

The Pope: Let me get this straight: you want forgiveness and Teresa?

Fieramosca and Balducci: HOLY FATHER STOP RIGHT THERE

Cellini: Oh, and one more thing: I want the time to cast my statue.

The Pope: You want forgiveness, Teresa, and the time to cast the statue? Please tell me there’s nothing else.

Cellini: That is all.

Everyone Else: That’s all!

The Pope: ah DANG IT the devil knows how much I love art and he’s laughing at me but next thing you know I’ll be laughing at him

Balducci and Fieramosca: he knows how much the Pope loves art but it’ll be our turn to laugh

Teresa: Dear God, have mercy on him!

Ascanio: HAHAHA THIS IS THE BEST TRICK EVER

Cellini: I’VE GOT HIM IN A CORNER BECAUSE I KNOW HIS LOVE FOR ART

The Pope: How much time do you need to cast the statue?

Cellini: The rest of the day, God willing.

The Pope: ...Are you sure that’ll be enough time?

Cellini: I think so: the furnace has been heating up the metal for a while now.

The Pope: *signaling to the guards to move away* Very well, I agree to your conditions.

*Cellini puts down the hammer and goes over to the Pope.*

But listen to me very carefully, you rogue: I myself will be at the workshop tonight to see if you are able to complete the statue. If not, by God, I will hand you over to the legal authorities and you will be hanged tonight.

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: Hanged!

The Pope: I think I’ve made myself clear.

Balducci: But...but Holy Father, he can finish the statue by the end of the day, and Teresa—

The Pope: To Hell with you and Teresa! He’ll be hanged if he doesn’t finish.

Fieramosca: But...but Holy Father, he can finish the statue by the end of the day, and Pompeo—

The Pope: ugh you people to Hell with you and Pompeo! He’ll be hanged if he doesn’t finish. Cellini, I trust I’ve made myself clear?

Cellini: ...Crystal.

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: Hanged! If he doesn’t finish today, he’ll be hanged!

Cellini: *ironically* Ah, Holy Father, how kind to offer such an indulgence for my sins—the threat of hanging!

The Pope: Yes, you will hang!

Now he’ll feel less proud because I myself will punish him because no saint or angel in all of Heaven will help him; he has sealed his own fate!

Cellini: GOD WILL HELP ME AND I WILL SUCCEED BECAUSE I FEEL THE POWER AND SOMEONE ONCE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT FORTUNE FAVORING THE BOLD WELL IT’S NOT JUST FORTUNE IT’S ALSO GOD SO NO ONE’S PETTY VENGEANCE CAN STOP ME

Teresa: NOOOOOOOOOOO HE’S GONNA DIE BECAUSE EVERYONE’S WORKING AGAINST HIM EVEN GOD AND THERE’S NO HOPE AND I FEEL LIKE MY ONLY OPTION IS DEATH

Ascanio: LET THEM INSULT HIM WHAT DOES HE CARE GOD WILL HELP HIM BECAUSE HE IS BOLD SO I HAVE HOPE AND NO ONE’S PETTY VENGEANCE CAN STOP HIM

Fieramosca and Balducci: AT LAST HE IS COMING TO HIS DESERVED RUIN AND WE WILL HAVE OUR VENGEANCE

*The Pope’s retinue moves towards the Pope as if to protect him, but he signals them to stop.*

The Pope’s Retinue: WHAT AN INDULGENCE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUNISHED ALREADY AND HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS CHANCE

*Everyone leaves.*

Notes

Scene 2: **

Cellini’s foundry. The furnace is at the back; there is one door each at right and left. Some of Cellini’s other works are there. A clock strikes 4 PM.

*Ascanio runs in.*

Ascanio: Tralalalalalalalalalala…

What’s the matter with me? I just feel so overwhelmed and weary with all this drama right now but TOO BAD  because when I feel sad I just laugh and sing tralalala and then suddenly I feel dizzy and happy again!

So our bronze baby is getting its baptism of fire tonight: the Colosseum will be the church, the Pope will be the godfather, and all the people of Rome will be the witnesses! Tralalala honestly thinking about that overwhelms me even more but you know what? It’s okay; I’ll just laugh and sing tralalalala…

*Quick note: during this next part, Ascanio imitates both Cellini and the Pope.*

HAHAHA THAT WHOLE THING WITH CELLINI AND THE POPE WAS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER BECAUSE THE POPE WAS LIKE ‘Take the man away!’ and Cellini was like ‘NOT SO FAST I’LL DESTROY THIS MODEL FIRST’ and the Pope was like ‘fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine I give in because I guess I’m a total pushover’ and Cellini was like ‘I want forgiveness for all my sins’ and the Pope was like ‘sure whatever’ and then Cellini was like ‘I ALSO want Teresa’ and the Pope was like ‘yeah cool okay’ and THEN Cellini was like ‘and I want the rest of the day to cast the statue!’ and the Pope was like ‘sounds good’ and THEN SUDDENLY THE POPE GRABBED MY MASTER’S HEAD and he said he would HANG HIM if he didn’t finish the statue by the end of the day! Is that all? Oh, you’ll hang! You understand? Ah, Holy Father, what an indulgence!

great THAT overwhelmed me too and I feel sad again but I’ll just do what I always do and just laugh and sing tralalalala and everything will be okay! ***

*Cellini enters and signals Ascanio to leave, which he does.*

Cellini: Alone, just me, my courage, and my audacity, about to have the fight of my life—and all Rome is watching! Very well, then; let the winds bring the storm, let them rile up all the waves, and let me sail straight into it! This is the story of my life...what a life!

Why could I not be a simple shepherd, leading my sheep and wandering through the wildness of the mountains? Free, alone, at peace, with no need to do any useless work for anyone else...I would wander far from all these busy cities and I would sing to my heart’s content...and at night I would sleep on the ground in a little hut, but I would sleep so peacefully, it would be like sleeping in my mother’s arms as a baby! Ah, what a dream! What a life!

Metalworkers: *singing outside* How happy the sailors, those children of the waves, are…

Cellini: ugggggggggggggggh not that song AGAIN

Metalworkers: ...they happily follow the wind wherever it blows…

Cellini: something bad ALWAYS happens whenever they sing that stupid song

Metalworkers: ...and when the boat sinks, the ocean is their tomb…

*Ascanio comes back.*

Ascanio: That sad song is bad luck!

Cellini: If they lose heart, we’ll fail!

*calling out to the workers* We are sailors who sail on metal! To rule the waves is easy; the real triumph is to rule over fire as we do!

Cellini and Ascanio: TAKE HEART AND HAVE COURAGE IF WE CAN JUST HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY WE’LL ALL CELEBRATE TOMORROW

Chorus: *even more sadly than before* How happy the sailors, those children of the waves, are…

Cellini: *putting on an apron* Alright, let’s go to work, no more dilly-dallying!

*Loud knocking on the door.*

WHO IS IT

*Ascanio runs to the door and opens it, then hurries back.*

Ascanio: IT’S FIERAMOSCA

*Fieramosca enters with two swordsmen.*

Cellini: uggggggggggh not him hi, what do you want?

Fieramosca: Cellini, I have come to send you to Hell.

Cellini: ‘nyah nyah nyah Cellini I have come to send you to Hell nyah nyah nyah’ what do you MEAN you BUFFOON

Fieramosca: okay fine, I’ll say it differently so your tiny little brain will understand: I demand satisfaction for your insults.

Cellini: You’re joking, right?

Fieramosca: Uh, no.

Ascanio: Oh, really?

Fieramosca: NO I’M NOT JOKING I DEMAND SATISFACTION NOW

Cellini: BUT I CAN’T LEAVE

Fieramosca: So you do not accept the challenge, you coward?

Cellini: Pot calling kettle black, I see.

Fieramosca: You don’t accept?

Cellini: FINE WE FIGHT HERE

Fieramosca: No! If I kill you in your house, even if we are legitimately dueling, I’m an assassin. That’s the law. We fight elsewhere.

Cellini: OH I SEE HOW IT IS YOU WANT ME TO NOT BE ABLE TO FINISH but, God willing, I’ll teach you a fine lesson about messing with the wrong guy, which you SHOULD HAVE LEARNED last night but I guess you did not. Your desired location?

Fieramosca: I will be waiting for you behind St. Andrew’s cloister.

Cellini: Very well. I will be there. 

Fieramosca: And I’ll send you to Hell.

*He leaves with his swordsmen.*

Cellini: This couldn’t have been timed worse. Ascanio, go get my sword.

*He does so, and the door opens again.*

 godDAMMIT Fieramosca why are you alrea—

*He realizes that the person who has come in is not Fieramosca but Teresa.*

Teresa! Good God! TERESA!!!

Teresa: MY DAD HAS BETRAYED US

Cellini: what NOW

Teresa: So you know how the Pope said that no one from either Tuscany or Rome could marry me until the end of the day? ****

Cellini: ...I somehow did not hear about that?

Teresa: well that’s a thing ANYWAY even though the Pope himself made that order, my dad was like ‘screw this’ and was packing to take me away from Rome, but I slipped out and ran here as fast as I could to see you!

*Ascanio returns and gives Cellini his sword.*

What are you doing with that?

Cellini: Honey, I’ll be back soon.

Teresa: NO STAY HERE YOU’RE GONNA GET INTO A FIGHT

Cellini: ...that’s kinda the point?

Teresa: I’M NOT LETTING YOU GO

Cellini: TERESA IT’S OKAY I’M GONNA SEND YOUR FIANCÉ TO HELL

Teresa: wait WHAT

Cellini: Fieramosca came here and insulted me and challenged me to a duel.

Teresa: IT’LL BE A TRAP (knowing him and also because this is how every duel in the history of French opera turns out)

Cellini: Calm down, it’ll be fine.

Teresa: NO IT WON’T

Cellini: Look: your fiancé isn’t anything near a Hercules; he’s a buffoon with an extremely inflated ego and I’m gonna teach him a lesson he will never forget.

*He leaves with Ascanio.*

Teresa: seriously NO ONE listens to me around here and now I’m here all alone

Metalworkers: *offstage* CELLINI WHERE ARE YOU WHY DID YOU LEAVE

Teresa: What’s going on?

Metalworkers: LET’S GO

Teresa: If he doesn’t come back, I’m done for…

*Francesco, Bernardino, and the other metalworkers leave their work behind and come onstage.*

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: LET’S GO WE’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS

Teresa: What is happening???

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: EVEN THOUGH WE AIN’T GOT HATS OR BADGES WE’RE A UNION JUST BY SAYING SO AND THE WORLD WILL KNOW

Teresa: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: WE’RE ALL LEAVING

Teresa: BUT WHAT ABOUT CELLINI

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: HE MAY OWN THE WORLD BUT HE DON’T OWN US WE’VE BEEN DOWN TOO LONG AND WE’VE PAID OUR DUES

Teresa: Look, he’ll be back soon—

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: WE BEEN KEEPING SCORE EITHER HE GIVES US OUR RIGHTS OR WE GIVES HIM A WAR

Teresa: Please, go back to work, he’ll pay you tomorrow—

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: SO HE GAVE HIS WORD? WELL IT AIN’T WORTH BEANS NOW HE’S GONNA SEE WHAT ‘STOP THE FURNACES’ REALLY MEANS

Teresa: He’ll pay you very well—

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: BUT WE NEED MONEY TO LIVE

Teresa: (Holy Virgin, don’t abandon us now!) I’M NOT LEAVING YOU 

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: LET’S LEAVE

Teresa: PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU

*Fieramosca enters and Teresa sees him.*

OH GOD CELLINI’S DEAD

*She faints. Francesco and Bernardino help her up and support her.*

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: wait WHAT

Fieramosca: What...what is the meaning of this?!

Teresa: *reviving and pointing to Fieramosca* Good workers...that man has killed your master...avenge him!

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: he WHAT OH HE KILLED CELLINI HE WILL PAY FOR THIS LET’S KILL HIM

*They start attacking Fieramosca.*

Fieramosca: NO NO STOP IT I AM YOUR FRIEND

*Gold coins fall out of his pockets; the workers see them.*

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: Dude, why do you have so much money on you? Not that we care, but you could get robbed.

Fieramosca: I was just coming to give you a better salary than you get here…

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: A BETTER SALARY WOULD BE NICE BUT NOT FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU KILLED CELLINI SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT THIS OH WE KNOW LET’S THROW YOU INTO THE FURNACE

Fieramosca: WAIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’M YOUR FRIEND

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: THROW HIM INTO THE FURNACE

*Chaos ensues. Suddenly, from nearby:*

Cellini: HEY WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE

*Cellini and Ascanio enter.*

Teresa, Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: OMG YOU’RE ACTUALLY ALIVE

Cellini: Indeed I am! Why wouldn’t I be?

*Teresa rushes over to Cellini and embraces him.*

Teresa: THANK GOD YOU’RE OKAY

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD AND THAT FIERAMOSCA KILLED YOU

Cellini: Well then, rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

*He goes over to Fieramosca, who is sweating and panting like an ox.*

What were you doing here while I was waiting for you behind St. Andrew’s cloister?

Fieramosca: I was coming...I’m coming…

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: YEAH HE WAS COMING ALRIGHT HE WAS COMING TO TRY TO HIRE ALL OF US

Cellini: Let me get this straight: you were trying to bribe my entire workshop?

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: YEAH HE WAS

Cellini: watch out because I’m about to get VERY ANGRY IF YOU DIDN’T ALREADY GET THE HINT

Fieramosca: I was coming...I’m coming…

Cellini: You’ve come—to work!

Everyone Else: wait WHAT

Cellini: YES HE WILL WORK GET AN APRON ON HIM AND MAKE SURE HE TAKES HIS PLACE IN THE WORKSHOP AND DOESN’T TRY TO SABOTAGE ANYTHING OR BY GOD—

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER C’MON FIERAMOSCA GET TO WORK OR CELLINI WILL MAKE YOU TAKE A VERY UNPLEASANT BATH IN A BUNCH OF MELTED BRONZE

Fieramosca: ugh not this AGAIN very well I’ll go to work

*He puts on an apron.*

Cellini, Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: Alright, everyone, it’s time to go back to work and finish everything up!

Fieramosca: I’ve already taken one very unpleasant bath this week and I don’t want another so let’s go to work

Ascanio: THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

*Everyone goes to work except Teresa and Ascanio.*

*****Teresa: I feel much better about this now, but the sky is getting dark…

Ascanio: Have courage! Before long, we’ll be through the storm and into a safe port and everything will be okay.

*He goes to join Cellini and the others. The Pope enters with his retinue and Balducci.*

Balducci: TERESA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

The Pope: Be quiet!

*Teresa kneels before the Pope.*

Teresa: Holy Father, forgive me!

The Pope: Rise, my child. Tell me: how did you get here?

Balducci: EXCUSE ME—

The Pope: IN THE NAME OF GOD SHUT UP 

Teresa: Well, my father wanted to take me away from Rome so I couldn’t marry Cellini, but I thought you would be forgiving, so I came here and joined Cellini in order to wait for you and the casting and hopefully my marriage to Cellini!

The Pope: oh Dio mio you really should honor your father, BUT your father failed entirely and very much dropped the ball in actively trying to go against my orders, so I forgive you.

Now, tell me, where is the man of the hour?

Teresa: There he is now!*****

*Cellini enters and acknowledges the Pope.*

The Pope: Well, have you finished?

Cellini: Not quite yet, Your Holiness, but everything is on track to be done soon, thank God; the metal is heating up right now and all that needs to happen is that the metal melt and flow into the mold, the very bowels of the earth, and become holy at your signal!

Balducci: The braggart!

The Pope: He’s faking his cheerfulness and honestly, it really annoys me, but we must wait and see how this goes. Very well: begin.

*Cellini signals the workers to begin. They work for a while to some of the slappiest orchestral music ever written in opera, until Fieramosca leaves his work and runs up to Cellini.* ******

Fieramosca: WE NEED MORE METAL OR ELSE WE’LL STOP WORKING

Cellini: What are you saying?

Fieramosca: WE NEED MORE METAL OR ELSE WE’LL STOP WORKING

Cellini: Let me check this out myself. If you’re lying, you’re in big trouble. If you’re telling the truth, I’m in big trouble…

*He runs to check on the work, leaving a very embarrassed Fieramosca behind.*

Balducci: Fieramosca?! Is that you?!

Fieramosca: ...Yeah.

Balducci: What are you wearing that for?

Fieramosca: Well, uh, it’s a long story…

Balducci: And your face is covered in soot! Really, I don’t understand you at all sometimes.

Fieramosca: Uh, well...shouldn’t even rival artists help one another every now and then?

*Cellini returns.*

Cellini: WE’RE DOING FINE FIERAMOSCA GET BACK TO WORK

*He gestures threateningly at Fieramosca, who immediately backs down and returns to the furnace, followed by Cellini.*

Teresa and Ascanio: He looks so pale! Dear God, don’t abandon him now!

Balducci and the Pope: He looks so pale! He’s getting nervous; he might be in trouble!

*Cellini returns, flustered.*

Cellini: Excuse me, but I really need to be back there supervising the casting. We’re getting pretty close now; we just added more metal to the furnace. Everything is being melted and it is all going very well.

*He goes back to supervise. Exactly fourteen seconds later, Francesco and Bernardino get his attention with a very unwelcome twist.*

Francesco and Bernardino: CELLINI THE METAL IS CONGEALING *******

Everyone Else: wait WHAT

Francesco and Bernardino: WE DON’T KNOW HOW IT’S HAPPENING BUT THE METAL IS CONGEALING

Everyone Else: THAT’S ACTUALLY REALLY BAD

Francesco and Bernardino: WE NEED MORE METAL

Cellini: But there should be more back there. Has it all been used?

Francesco and Bernardino: WE DON’T HAVE ANY MORE METAL WE NEED METAL NOW

Cellini: BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY MORE METAL

Everyone Else: you don’t have WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

Cellini: I’M DONE FOR

Everyone Else: HE’S DONE FOR

The Pope: Well, that’s the one thing that can make him dumbfounded.

Balducci: FINALLY HE’LL BE HANGED

Everyone: oh sh—oh shoot he’s done for

Balducci: *ironically* Oh, you, such a genius as you are, are tortured by just a simple little nothing? You know everything, your skill is infinite! Turn that little frown upside-down!

Cellini: you’re not helping and I would say some choice words to you but we’re both in the presence of the Pope and that is the only thing restraining me at the moment

Francesco, Bernardino, and The Workers: WE NEED METAL NOW

Francesco: WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME THE FIRE’S GOING OUT

Cellini: Wait! What...what should I do?

Francesco, Bernardino, and The Workers: WE JUST NEED METAL MORE METAL MORE METAL

Cellini: DEAR GOD YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE LEFT SO PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE BECAUSE I’M SO CLOSE TO GIVING IN TO DESPAIR AND I’M REALLY TRYING MY BEST DOWN HERE

Balducci: Um, not to spoil the mood or anything, but perhaps you should wait to chat with God until after we find out what happens with this statue?

Cellini: that doesn’t even make sense

Balducci: I mean you can give thanks then on the extreme off-chance that you actually pull this off.

Cellini: I’M SAVED GOD IS HELPING ME BECAUSE I JUST GOT AN IDEA

WORKERS GRAB EVERYTHING METAL YOU CAN FIND TAKE EVERYTHING FROM THE WORKSHOP AND THROW IT IN THE FURNACE

Francesco and Bernardino: WHAT YOU WANT US TO GET YOUR OTHER ARTWORKS AND THROW THEM IN THERE?!?!?!?!

Cellini: I DON’T CARE JUST GRAB ANYTHING METAL YOU CAN FIND INCLUDING MY ARTWORKS AND THROW IT IN NO MATTER WHAT METAL IT’S MADE OF IF IT’S METAL GRAB IT

*Ascanio grabs a candelabra and throws it in. Cellini does the same with every metal object he can find. Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and some of the other workers start bringing in some of Cellini’s metal sculptures and passing them to other workers so they can be thrown into the furnace.*

Teresa: IT’S ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR I HOPE HE MAKES IT IN THE END

The Pope: HE HAS SUCH BOLDNESS WILL HE MAKE IT IN THE END

Balducci: HE’S GOING MAD AND HE’S RUINING HIMSELF FOR A HOPELESS CAUSE

*The metal collection continues. The workers keep melting the objects and sculptures in the furnace. Suddenly there is a large explosion and the lid of the crucible mold is blown off.*

Teresa, Balducci, and the Pope: WHAT WAS THAT NOISE WHAT’S GOING ON DID IT HAPPEN OR NO

*Cellini, not daring to look, runs to the front.*

Cellini: IT EXPLODED I’M DONE FOR

Workers: LONG LIVE CELLINI VIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*Everyone turns to see the molten metal pour into the mold. The casting is successful.*

Everyone: VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Fieramosca pushes through the crowd to find Cellini.*

Fieramosca: HEY LEMME THROUGH I WANT TO FIND MY DEAR FRIEND CELLINI AND EMBRACE HIM

Balducci: I KNEW HE COULD DO IT ALL ALONG SO TERESA HERE’S YOUR FUTURE

Cellini: well well well which of these two is the more cowardly suck-up???

Holy Father, I have completed the casting.

The Pope: Well, since God has blessed both your work and your boldness, I will hold up my end of the deal: I officially pardon you, Benvenuto Cellini.

Cellini: Teresa!

Teresa: Cellini!

Francesco, Bernardino, Workers, and Spectators: VIVA CELLINI

Teresa, Fieramosca, and Ascanio: IMMORTAL GLORY TO CELLINI

The Workers: Gold shines like the sun and rubies like fire in the night…

Teresa, Fieramosca, Balducci, Ascanio, Francesco, and Bernardino: GLORY TO HIM

Cellini: ONE LAST ROUND OF OUR SONG

Ascanio, Francesco, and Bernardino: LIKE YOU SAID JUST THE LAST VERSE BECAUSE IT’S THE BEST

Everyone: METALS, THE UNDERGROUND NEVER-FADING FLOWERS, SHINE BRIGHTEST ON THE BROWS OF ALL THE GREATEST PEOPLE—THE KINGS AND QUEENS AND DUKES AND EMPERORS AND EVEN POPES—SO HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS

TRA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA—

HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*General celebration.*

Notes

THE END

Up Next: Così fan tutte

[icarusbynight]

Unintended Messages

A/N: My very first fic in this fandom. If you guys have any comments please let me know. I really want to improve my writing so let me know what works and what doesn’t. Also I do take requests lol. Enjoy!

Ricky was sure that the message had been sent by mistake.

A part of him knew that he should delete the message, turn off his phone, and pretend that he had not seen anything. But as the seconds stretched into minutes, that part of himself that was screaming at him to do the right thing was getting quieter and quieter.

The other part of his weird psyche, that seemed at this moment overwhelmed by curiosity…and potentially hormones, could only stare at the image emblazoned across his phone screen.  The image of EJ fucking Caswell.

Ricky had seen EJ shirtless before, of course. How could he forget nearly breaking the older boy’s nose, and going into the bathroom to apologize. Looking back now that had seemed like a lifetime ago: when he still was angry at the senior for ‘stealing’ his girlfriend, and he was still trying to win back Nini. 

But now things were different. Ricky had given up on chasing Nini, and their relationship had taken a turn for the better. What had been most surprising had been the sort of friendship that had developed between him and EJ.

A friendship that had involved Ricky attempting to teach the older boy how to skate, and EJ, in turn, sending him Water Polo memes. A meme is what Ricky had expected when he heard his phone ding, but this was something way off target.

EJ was shirtless, again nothing that Ricky had not seen before, and the lighting in the photo only served to complement a body that he was clearly proud of. EJ’s arm was placed behind his head, and Ricky’s eyes were drawn to the EJ’s bicep as he flexed in the picture. A thin layer of sweat trailed down his face, and across his chest, and in the lighting of whatever room EJ was in, it shined. EJ’s other hand was lying close the waistband of his boxer briefs, briefs that at the moment left nothing to the imagination.

Fuck, Rickey thought as his thumb brushed against his phone’s screen. Looking at EJ was like looking like at a work of art, like a sculpture that had walked out of a museum with perfectly kept hair, a cheeky smile and eyes that Ricky couldn’t tell if they were green or blue depending on the day. He could see why Nini had been attracted to him.

He let out a loud sigh.

“This is weird as hell”, he muttered, quickly switching off the phone and throwing it under his pillow. Rickey was tempted to type out a message to EJ, but how would even phrase it.

‘Um..hey I think you sent this by accident lol?’

Or

‘Hey, dude, what the hell?’

Nope, much better to ignore the problem. It was the Bowen way. What he couldn’t ignore, was the fact that his room felt several degrees hotter, and that looking at EJ had left his cock twitching in his pants.

‘Nope, I’m not doing this.’

But…there was no one else home, and the pressure that was steadily building in his lower abdomen wasn’t going anywhere. Running a hand through his mop of curls, he quickly moved from his bed to lock his bedroom door. Even if he was home alone, there was no need to take unnecessary risks. Past experiences had unfortunately taught him that.

Plopping himself back down onto his bed, Rickey unbuttoned his jeans and quickly threw them across the room, along with his hoodie. Wearing only his boxers, he leaned back into the softness of his sheets and closed his eyes. With a shaky hand, he reached down and palmed himself through his underwear. Ricky exhaled loudly at the contact as his mind raced. Usually, when he jerked off, most porn videos would do, but now he was desperate. Desperate to think of anything but EJ.

Anything but EJ.

The girl he thought of at first was faceless, but her height and long brown hair were oddly reminiscent of Nini. Even the bathing suit reminded him of something she had worn that one summer they had driven down to the beach when he first got his license. Still, it was enough, and shivers raced through his body. In his fantasy, the girl had moved towards him, wrapping an arm around his neck, pressing her body against him, and kissing him deeply.

Ricky groaned. He was completely hard now, and the inside of underwear was practically soaked with the precum that he was leaking from him. He was hot everywhere, his cheeks and chest were flushed read, and Ricky was sure that if someone else was in the room, they would be able to hear the loud thumping of his heart.

Reaching down below the band of his underwear, he wrapped a fist around himself and his toes curled at the contact. 

In his fantasy, the scene had shifted. He and the featureless girl were in his bedroom, and she was straddling him. Ricky’s hands were touching her breasts, and in his mind’s eye, he could feel the softness of the mounds hidden beneath her bikini top. He imagined her grinding against, and his cock lurched at the thought. Ricky’s finger traced the length of his cock, with his thumb slowly circling the head, now wet with arousal.

‘Oh God, that feels good.’

His movements were constrained by his underwear, and with his other hand, he pushed them down to ankles. His cock was now exposed to the cold air, and it lay in his hand beaming red, and hard. Ricky’s grip tightens, and he began to pump himself, stroking from base to tip, with one hand softly cradling his balls.

His fantasy girl was sucking on his neck, her hands reaching down to grab him, and as Ricky stroked himself, he imagined it was someone else touching him. In his fantasy that ‘someone’ else seemed to transform into a certain water polo player.

“Oh fuck”, Ricky muttered, as his hips bucked. He was sweating now, with his curls plastered against his forehead. He was breathing heavily, and his bed was hitting the wall with his movements. 

Imaginary EJ was still touching him with one hand, while slowly tracing along Ricky’s nipples with another. “You like that don’t you?” he whispered, and Ricky both in his fevered imagination, and in actuality nodded his head. He’s quite sure that his mouth was open because somehow he’s forgotten how to breathe through his nose.

His grip tightened, and the grunts and moans that he was making reverberated throughout his room. Typically when Ricky jerked off, necessity required that he try to keep as quiet as possible. Still, for some reason, he was louder than usual. In his fantasy, EJ had moved on from attacking his nipples to raising Ricky’s arm up to reach his armpit, burying his nose into the sweat-dampened matt of hair that was there. For Ricky it was like an electric shock had been delivered down his spine to his dick. By now his fist was slick with precum, and the sound of skin slicking against skin was a sound that Ricky loved to hear even amidst his current fog of hotness.

His boxers had found themselves bundled against his knees, as Ricky continued to stroke himself. Imaginary EJ had gone from licking Rickey’s armpit to straddling the younger boy. With every thrust of Ricky’s hips, EJ ground downwards, his own crotch nestled against Ricky’s own. Ricky imagined that the older teen was as hard as he was, and he could feel a steady pressure building into the bottom part of his stomach.

In his mind, EJ was staring at him with those eyes, except they were filled with a hunger that made Ricky’s heart skip several beats. ‘God he’s pretty’, he thought while continuing to stroke his cock.

EJ was beautiful. The mere thought was like a dam breaking, and every single interaction he had ever had with EJ came flooding into his mind. Him and EJ practising their lines for the musical, watching EJ ace those shots that Ricky never could, watching EJ change into his costume…

In his head, he could hear EJ talking to him, whispering in a voice that excited every part of Ricky. “Are you gonna cum, Bowen?”

His eyes rolled backwards, and he nodded as he moaned loudly.

“Cum for me Rickey, cum for me.”

And he did. The ball of tension that had been building up came undone, and Rickey cums across his stomach and all over sheets. His chest heaves as the orgasm rocks through his bed, and dots of light filter across his vision.

He had jerked off to his friend. And not just any friend; EJ Caswell.

Oh fuck.

[arcade-stannon]

T or Y with Rory and Arcade?

already did Y and I now have 2 requests for T (an obscure AU) so here goes. idk how Obscure~ this is but like gimme a break i’m old and confused ok? thanks xD

--

“Let’s try again. Pecunia et gloria animum viri boni superabant. If you just pick out the words you can identify, we can work from there.”

Arcade Gannon had been tutoring a woman in his class, Rory Wood, for nearly two hours, for what seemed like the thousandth such session. Though both seniors in college, Rory was still on first-semester Latin, whereas Arcade had already finished up his Classics capstone. He just needed a few more tutoring hours to finish up his graduation requirements--but Rory needed to pass the class, period.

The two of them had seldom crossed paths before she’d started attending his tutoring sessions. It was a small campus, but their majors were on opposite sides of it, and their social circles rarely intersected. Despite their differences, they were on good terms--even though Rory hated Latin.

“Dude, you’re wasting your time,” she rolled her eyes, tearing a sheet from her notebook and crumpling it in her hands before throwing it against the wall. “I’m on track for a D in this class at best. I appreciate your time and everything, but--”

“Let me put it this way,” he cut her off, “I still need service credit to graduate. You’re in danger of failing Latin. I have to be here anyway, so we might as well say we tried.”

“Or,” she suggested, “and hear me out, we could fuck off to the student center and get some cheesy bread and play Pac-Man, and I’d tell Dr. Rabalais you tried your best with me.”

“I think he’d figure out you were full of it when he saw your score on the midterm,” Arcade replied dryly. “Page 48--”

“Hey, not your fault I’m hopeless, is it?”

“You’re not hopeless,” he disagreed, “But, uh, why are you taking Latin, anyway? You don’t seem to enjoy it, and it’s not required for anything but Classics majors.”

Rory sighed. “It’s whatever. There was this cute girl...I thought she’d think I was...smart, I dunno. It doesn’t matter. I’m in it now, and past the drop period. I’m pretty good at accepting my fate, though! Which is why I’m just saying, I’ll buy the cheesy bread if you--”

“Forget it,” Arcade cut her off. “Pecunia et gloria--”

“Sounds like the sisters from Hocus Pocus.”

“What? No. That’s--that’s Winnifred, Mary--nevermind. Okay, you know what? I’ll even give you a hint. One of those words has an English cognate. Can you tell me which one?”

Rory drummed her fingers on the desk. “Uh. Pecunia?”

“You had a 50-50 shot there,” he sighed, “It’s gloria.”

“Oh. So, like, Glory.”

“Great! Wonderful,” Arcade nodded with vigorous encouragement. “Okay, so, what and glory?”

“Um...” Rory looked as anxious as she did lost. “I don’t--I don’t really--”

All of a sudden, Arcade’s face lit up with a brilliant idea. “Hang on a second. You like Lana del Rey, right?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Rory nodded, “but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t speak Latin.”

"Nevermind. There’s a song of hers--what...and glory?”

“Oh--wait, money? Or power?”

“Money!” cried Arcade with relief. “You’ve got the first bit of the sentence.”

“Oh, shit, really?” Rory’s voice rose with surprise and excitement, “Okay, cool! Now what?”

 “Money and glory...and, what are they doing? Or rather, what did they do? I’m giving you a hint, there.”

Rory fell silent as she pondered the question. Before Arcade could push her any further, though, he was surprised to see her eyes filling with tears.

“Um--” he began, “--are you--are you o--”

“I’m fine,” she snapped as she removed her glasses, frantically wiping her eyes, “I’m just fine. Don’t worry about it. Uh. Can you just--can you tell me which word is the verb, here?” Her voice rose in pitch and speed as she tried to stabilize its shaking.

Arcade closed the Latin textbook and took out his cell phone instead, flipping through a few pages before finding the one he was looking for. 

“Hey,” he said gently to his friend, “did you see the meme someone made of Dr. Rabalais on the Class of 2016 page yet?”

Rory laughed through a sniffle. “Yeah,” she replied, “It was me.”

Arcade squinted at the page. “Oh, shit, it was you. My bad,” he laughed.

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, both of them silently scrolling their cell phones as Rory regained her composure.

Finally, she broke the silence. “I’m not actually stupid, you know,” she said quietly.

“I know that!” Arcade insisted, and he meant it. Latin was a difficult class that he knew his new friend had taken on a whim, and she was certainly not the first person he’d tutored to be driven to tears by the ancient tongue. For whatever reason, Arcade himself had a gift for it--but for most, it did not come so naturally.

“Look, you’re not the first Latin student I’ve had who ended up crying. I try to tell myself it’s not me, it’s Cato...but, nevermind. This is literally all you need to graduate, right? You’ve gotten all your other requirements out of the way?”

“Yep,” Rory confirmed, “Exactly. And the last credit I need to walk the stage is the hardest class I’ve ever taken in my life. Serves me right, I guess, for chasing girls.”

“If I said I’d never made a questionable decision to impress some guy, I’d be a liar,” Arcade sighed. “But, no. You’re not stupid.” After a moment’s pause, he added, “Could you just be hungry, though? I know I’m not at my top Latin translation efficiency when I’m seeing stars from lack of nutrients. Weirdly, though, it seems to help with Greek.” 

Rory checked the time on her phone and immediately rose to her feet. “Come on. Student Center closes in 15 minutes. If we hustle, we can still get the cheesy bread.”

“Compromise,” Arcade suggested as he packed his laptop into his bag, “Yes, cheesy bread, then finish the homework on the couches under that hideous Chihuly sculpture?”

“Deal,” she laughed, “Make sure you have your OneCard. I’m not responsible for you getting locked in or out.”

--

NB: Based heavily on my own experiences taking Latin on a whim to impress a crush, regretting it nearly instantly, and some sights and foods from my alma mater. (Hey! That’s also Latin!) I ended up meeting one of my absolute dearest to-this-day friends because she tutored me in Latin, and yes, food helped the inevitable tears during such sessions!

I didn’t fare much better than Rory in Latin, ultimately switching my Classics major to a minor, but at least I got my suffering out of the way freshman year. :)

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | IN SESSION WITH ROB SATO

From vibrant rainbows to familiar yet alien landscapes occupied by strange beings, LA based artist Rob Sato’s works are filled with creative energy in a loose minimalistic style. From watercolor, digital medium to acrylics and oil, Rob’s artworks and illustrations have been shown in various galleries from Giant Robot 2 to the Oakland Asian Cultural Center, where recently his original paintings for a comic called 442 were exhibited. We’re excited to chat with Rob about his work, his various collaborations and what he’s got coming up for the rest of the year.  Take the Leap!

Photographs courtesy of the artist.

Introduce yourself Hello, my name is Rob Sato. I’m an artist, illustrator, and writer. Something people might not know about me is that I was a kid I was so fanatical about the Oakland A’s that when they lost in the World Series I threw a tantrum so big that I destroyed my bedroom and after that I felt so stupid I quit following baseball. Also, I’m told I have maybe one of the great poop stories of the world. It can only be related in person, so ask me about it sometime if we ever meet.

How would you describe your work and style? Eclectic? Kaleidoscopic? I’ve never had a concise answer to this question. I tend not to pin myself down because I think if I did, I’d stop making things. 

Art is my outlet for the cryptic and obscure as well as the gushing spillover of foolish idealism and wild fantasy. It’s the only place I’ve ever found where you can healthily play with unhealthy thoughts, where you can explore undefined emotions, things that lurk out in the corners of consciousness that may be embarrassing or uncontrollable.

I love to make entertainment and decorative work, things that tend to be obvious, that communicate very clearly and reveal all their cards, but I also love to make work that hides things, that actively resists easy understanding or recognition and risks being super personal or unrelatable and strange. This can make things difficult, especially in the ongoing deterioration of attention spans, but I can’t help but pursue things outside of a pop sensibility and logical thought. I have to be, much of the time, in mental wildernesses. It’s hard to get there, hard to be there, and hard to come back, but it keeps me going.

Tell us about how you really started getting into art, and how that turned into what you do now? Was it something you always intended to pursue? I’ve drawn every single day for as long as I can remember. I never really thought about it. It just seems to be what I do. It’s how I have fun, how I solve problems, how I think. I’ve wanted to pursue other things like make movies or write books, but I always find myself drawing. Before I know it, it’s time for bed again.

When you are working on a new piece or upcoming exhibition or show? What’s your process like? What themes do you find yourself taking on? I explode. I used to plan things in a very directed way, but lately I’ve just let my brains spill out everywhere. I make a ton of drawings and paintings, and try my best to be fearless and open. Most of it produces failure after failure, but it shows me what might be worth building on, plus many exciting surprises reveal themselves in the process. As a show nears I start seeing what things fit together, what needs to be edited out, and how it all might form a cohesive exhibition. Sometimes the subject matter is the glue that makes everything stick, other times it’s the aesthetics. Alongside the explosion I usually have 2 or 3 pieces going at any given time that I’ve had long term plans for. These pieces can take take months or even years. 

Thematically I’m all over the place. War and peace, realism and surrealism, grim realities and escapism, sober observations and dumb jokes.

What are some of your go-to art making materials? Are there mediums you want to explore that you’ve yet to get your hands on? I feel pretty comfortable with anything you can use to make a mark on a piece of paper. I’ve mainly used watercolor and various drawing tools for the past several years. I’m been having fun with acrylics and oils again, and I’ve started to play around with photography a little. I’ve had ideas for sculpture and film for years that I’d really like to finally get to. What I really want to get my hands on is more time.

Where do you find inspiration? What kind of things or people inspire what you make? Watching someone pick their nose listening to headphones and singing softly to themselves in line at the grocery store. Just watching my cat live her weird life. Even though the final artwork may not really show it, these places are usually where my ideas originate. Art has also been a place where I can put memories that have some abstract need to be recorded.

I made this series of drawings called “Bad Hands”, which started out with me laughing at these dumb hands I was drawing with academically incorrect anatomy. Abandoning correctness felt so good. In the process it triggered a memory from High School. I had been forbidden from drawing in one of my classes, so I was contorting my hands into different shapes at my desk to amuse myself. There was a hysteria over gang activity in the school at the time and the teacher freaked out thinking I was throwing gang signs and I ended up getting sent to detention. 

At detention I was talking with a friend and made fun of the teacher for her mistake. A kid who was in a gang overheard and then HE misunderstood and thought I was making fun of gangs or something. On my way home from school he and a couple dudes punched and kicked me for a bit while I tried and failed to explain. I think it’s funny. 

So embedded in that piece is this tumbling series of misunderstandings, these multiple layers of hands being perceived as bad, speaking in an absurd language that communicates different things to different people. I know people aren’t going to see all those layers in the final piece, but that’s where it comes from and I hope it at least sparks some thoughts about talking with our hands, and where else can you follow this kind of train of thought except in art?

I get inspired by artists who seem to approach art as an intuitive discovery process rather than a  pursuit of mastery, that play is one of the more important aspects of making things. My wife, Ako, has been a huge influence on me in this respect. She’s continuously playing with various materials around her at any given time and finding out what she can do with them. Everywhere she goes she abandons a nest made of fresh creations she’s manifested out of mud, string, packaging, plants, uneaten rice, her used drinking straw, lint and whatever else was within her reach

You’ve done a lot of collaborations with companies, museums and art galleries. Do you have a favorite collaboration, and what about the collaboration do you enjoy the most? I’ve recently been collaborating with Tiny Splendor, an indie publisher and printer who have studios in LA and Oakland. It’s been really great working with them, Cynthia Navarro in LA on risographs, and with Max Stadnik, who runs the print shop in Oakland. 

Max has been returning to lithography, my favorite traditional printing medium, and he printed a piece of mine inspired by mushrooms called “Growerings". It’s a full 5 color print, which means it took five separate plates and each print had to go through the press 5 times. It turned out more beautifully than I could have hoped for. Litho is a super difficult but also very fun process and the results are so rich. 

I think I particularly love this collaboration because the image fits the medium so well, and the combination of the two elevates the final piece of work, When it works, the artwork and the print become more than just an image on a piece of paper. It’s more alive in some undefinable way.

Since we’re called Art School, we always ask the artists to give us their favorite art tip? Never force the thing you think you want, you’ll probably miss out on the really interesting thing that’s happening. Also, don’t drink too much coffee. I have trouble taking both of these pieces of my own advice every day.

What do you enjoy doing when you’re not making stuff? How do you chill out? I read and run. I love coffee and I love gossip and talking nonsense with friends. Also, I cannot stop watching Terrace House.

What is the last art show that you went to? What artists should folks keep an eye out for? I recently went to the Velveteria in LA’s Chinatown, which is one man’s collection of paintings on velvet. A very entertaining and very fucked up experience. I went to a life drawing session at Subliminal Projects and got to draw surrounded by Chad Kouri’s fun abstracts. I’m actually typing this interview inside an art show right now. 

I’m here at my wife, Ako Castuera’s, show “Soil” at the Weingart Gallery at Occidental College. We’re here feeding worms. She sculpted this beautiful ceramic vermiculture composter for the show. It’s a grand temple for worms. The show is an act of gratitude for the exchange we have with the soil which provides the clay for ceramics, and for the worms who turn decay into healthy earth to grow new life in. 

She sculpted a menagerie of creatures out of the worm poop that also populate the show. Super fun. Speaking of Ako and Subliminal, her show there with Hellen Jo and Kris Chau this past December was one of those once-in-a-lifetime powerhouse gathering of forces. That may have been the best show I’ve ever seen.

What advice would you give someone thinking about following in your footsteps? What’s something you learned that you want to pass along to art making newbies. Don’t listen to advice if it is extremely quotable. Pay no attention to it especially if it accompanies a photo of a famous artist and fits perfectly into an instagram post. If it’s easy to remember then it’s probably empty, crap inspiration. Those things are entertainments and not words to live by.

 If you’re interested in making art you’ll keep making it. It takes day in, day out patience and exploration and mutation to discover how you really work, not some idea of how an artist works. 

Sometimes it will be very hard, sometimes it will be so breathtakingly easy you think that your problems have been solved forever. Neither situation ever lasts, but cultivate and nurture your curiosity and what you love, and you’ll find ways to make it through the rough times and keep on making things one way or another.

Who are some of your favorite artists to follow and/or see in a show? Lately I’ve been really enjoying the work of Nathaniel Russell whose work makes this great space where funny, grounded matter-of-factness and sweet nothingness sit comfortably together. His drawing also reminds me of Ben Shahn, my all-time favorite drawer. 

I really like Amy Bennet’s oils, these intimate studies of isolation in suburbia where mundanity overlaps with quiet drama and melancholy. Her work obliquely reminds me of Edwin Ushiro’s work, though his stuff is the opposite of melancholic. He captures almost incidental but haunted moments from growing up in Hawaii and infuses them with warmth, and it’s in a style influenced in a super personal way by animation. It reminds me of Satoshi Kon’s movies in its well observed, slice-of-life elements. Edwin’s sketchbooks are a treasure too.  Esther Pearl Watson’s recent autobiographical paintings, Hellen Jo’s latest badass watercolors, Amber Wellman’s funny, playful oil paintings, and Matthew Palladino’s watercolors are also favorites. 

Megan Whitmarsh’s work is some of my favorite to see in person. Her installation with Jade Gordon at the Hammer’s “Made In LA “ show was maybe the funnest work I’ve ever seen and interacted with. I went to see the Ai Wei Wei show at the Marciano Foundation, which I thought was impressive in scale and execution but still somehow lame, but I stumbled on a Mike Kelley installation/ video piece I’d never seen before in the upstairs collection and loved it so much, but I can’t remember the name of it at the moment. 

It’s 2 videos shown side by side of the same guy wearing a cape singing almost the same song simultaneously, but each version has different words at different points. It’s a love song but one version is more bitter and mean and one is sickly sweet. Anyway, highly recommended!

What do you have coming up the rest of the year that you can share with us?  For just a few more days there’s a show up at the Oakland Asian Cultural Center with a bunch of my original paintings for a comic I illustrated about the 442, the Japanese American Army unit of World War II. Plus it has some personal work about Japanese American Incarceration and images from my family’s experience in the concentration camps. My grandfather was incarcerated in the Arkansas camps, and he was a soldier in the 442. 

Next up, I’m in a slew of group shows all happening within a few weeks of each other this month. Poor scheduling on my part as usual, but it’s nice to be invited to so many. I just sent off my piece to the “Seeing Red” show curated by Jeff Hamada of the BOOOOOOOM art and culture blog. That show will be at Thinkspace in LA. Giant Robot has been kind enough to host another solo show for me in September. 

I’ve been busy experimenting with some more 3d stuff that pushes the more narrative side of my work which I hope to show there. We’ll see how the experiments turn out. I’ve also been working on a ton of prints and ideas for books. This year I want to focus on working in print, making zines and comics, and writing a lot more. 

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