#really all i did is give myself a partial jellyfish cut so i cut only the front but left the back long. so really it's just

[woodnrust]

I just gave myself a haircut and my family's first reaction was "you look like some sort of Indian demigod" so I must've done something right

[justalittlebluetiefling]

After tonight, how do you think Jester's feeling? Honestly, I wasn't so sure before, but after their conversation, I'm again very certain Fjord is the one she has feelings for

All right, anon. This is a fun question for me, because we talk about Fjord’s feelings a lot, but not Jester’s. I’m going to say a few things that I never thought I’d say in this ask. For example: Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious in the last 60 episodes than Jester’s have been. If you had told me I would say that 100 episodes ago, I would have laughed so hard. But here we are.

TLDR? Jester’s in love with Fjord and has been for a while. I’ve been going off about this occasionally since her second playlist was released. But that is what really convinced me that she had moved from ‘crush’ into ‘love’. And episode 117 helped me be even more confident in saying that.

I also wanted to put some episode 117 receipts in here, but tags in Tumblr are tricky sometimes, so I just made a companion gifset instead. (If this link messes with the tags, I’ll take it out and put it in a reblog.)

Anyway. Let’s get a cut in here so I can get carried away with the why. 2436 words of carried away.

So, like I mentioned above, Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious than Jester’s lately. For a while, I guess. Pardon me while I just quote Laura from Talks for second. And that’s mostly because Jester backed off when she thought her advances were unappreciated. It was all part of Jester realizing that smut novels aren’t what real relationships are like. A very integral part of her development and how she’s more than her crush(es). 

The funny thing about all this... I think about this sometimes... is how Fjord didn’t actually not appreciate it. He’s just got low wisdom and didn’t realize that it meant that she like-likes him. He thought they were just goofing off. Because. Sorry, I’m briefly hopping into Fjord meta and then I’ll hop right back, I promise. But yeah. He thought they were just goofing off and I’m realizing as I type this paragraph that it never occurred to him, because “You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don't think you have any right to feel or you never thought that you might?”. Yeah. So, it wasn’t just his low wisdom. It just didn’t occur to him, because he didn’t think that he deserved to feel that way about anyone or have anyone feel that way about him. Okay. Hopping back now.

The other hilarious thing about this is that things between them weren’t awkward until she backed off and stopped overtly flirting. Which also correlates with the end of the pirate arc and how Beau, during that arc, pointed out to Fjord that Jester was jealous of Avantika.

But yeah. Jester backed off, which really threw their relationship into a whole new dynamic. I have a lot more complicated and layered feelings on the pirate arc that require a rewatch for me to properly articulate, but we know that Jester was scared during this time. She was a little scared that she didn’t really know Fjord (Re: Somebody Else being on her first playlist). But that was only temporary. That whole time made Jester start to question her feelings for Fjord. Which in turn made most of the fandom start to question them as well. But I do think that she eventually landed on “my friendship with him is more important to me than a potential relationship and if I keep acting like this, I’m going to lose him”. This is partially her realizing that life isn’t a romance novel, but I think it is also a direct result of her realizing how uncomfortable he was with the idea of being used as bait to distract Avantika. He did it, but he was not comfortable the whole time they talked about it. 

But also, Fjord was her first real friend outside of Artagan. He trusted her right away with things he didn’t tell anyone else in their group for months. She knew he was hiding his accent. She knew what happened on the Tide’s Breath. He told her before he told anyone else about how he lost his powers. They promised to protect each other and help each other on their way to their individual goals and they’re still holding up that promise every day.

ANYWAY I’M GETTING DISTRACTED I’M SORRY.

Okay, where are her feelings now. Now. She’s in love with him. When she backed off from the flirting and started focusing on just being there as a friend, it deepened their relationship. I mean, to be fair, it was already pretty deep. I promise I’m not getting off track this time, but he really did tell her things he told no one else. Sometimes it takes him longer to get around to it, because of the group, but he always ends up telling Jester everything. And that opens the door for Jester to be open with him, too, in a way that she isn’t with anyone else. 

I mean, okay. Gosh. How do I even word this? 

Jester doesn’t actively seek anyone out to talk about her feelings. There are two times I can think of off the top of my head that she’s broached the subject first. One: when she was looking for Beau and ended up talking to Veth about how she felt about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. And Two: the Jellyfish talk, when she asked Fjord if he ever gets sad. But Jester keeps everything buried pretty deeply. So, the fact that Fjord is constantly going out of his way to ask her if she’s okay and the fact that he pulled her aside to tell her that if she ever needs to talk, she can talk to him. That’s a huge deal. And I think she’s still scared to take him up on it, because on top of all these things is that layer of awkwardness. Fjord and Jester are just awkward with each other right now. And their feelings for each other are what makes it awkward.

If the awkwardness was one-sided and only coming from Fjord, I’d say that her feelings had gone away. But it’s not. It’s always two-sided. There’s so much tension in all of their conversations, because while they talk about everything else, there’s one thing they haven’t talked about. Or... I guess it’s a couple things at this point. But they’ve never talked about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. That’s what I mean specifically at this point. It’s just never been brought up. Which is so weird, because the other times (I think it’s two? Maybe it’s one. I’m doubting myself.) that Fjord’s saved Jester’s life with a potion, she brought it up. She made a production about it. But the kiss was different, because she didn’t know if it was a real kiss. I think she’s come around to it not being a real kiss, but it’s got to still bug her. 

But that’s planted this seed of awkwardness in all their solo interactions that hasn’t gone away. Jester’s been pushing her feelings for Fjord aside. Or trying to. But he keeps doing things that make her have hope again and it’s getting to a point that she can’t ignore that feeling. Like... He wanted her to be the one to go with him into the wreckage of the Tide’s Breath. The whole day after the blue dragon encounter, he was hovering. He wanted her to have a potion so that she could be safe and he said that he wasn’t being awkward he was disarming her. He dove off the side of a tree when she fell to save her. He tells her how much her help has meant to him in Kravaraad. He makes sure they go visit her dad. He runs after her to go rescue her mama and then he tells her that he’ll wear a stupid hat if she wants him to and that she looks lovely while implying that he’d like to look at her in that dress all the time. And then he asks her if she’d like to get dinner with him instead of go look for their friends. AND THEN he tells her that he likes it when she’s feeling his stomach looking for the orb. He was constantly checking in with her during Travlercon to make sure she was safe and comfortable. He launched himself into the air over an active volcano and begged her to let go and stay with them. AND TO MAKE MATTERS MORE CONFUSING FOR HER. He hugged her twice and then he willingly danced with her even though he didn’t know how AND THEN he gave her this tiny unicorn statue, because he knows how much she loves things like that. And now he’s given her the necklace that was meant to protect him, because he’s more concerned about her safety than his own. He told her that he’s having a hard time focusing on his future, because his past keeps getting in the way and he wants to deal with that before........ AND THEN HE SAYS he’s going to be thinking about how she helped him all night.

LIKE.

I got a little carried away again, sorry.

Here’s the deal.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. There has been nothing in canon to make me think that Jester’s feelings have gone away. Everything I can see implies that they’ve deepened. But she’s scared. She’s never really been in love before. It is absolutely terrifying (or it is for me) to admit when you’re in love. Especially when you don’t know if your feelings are reciprocated. Or if you think they’re unwanted. And she thought hers were unwanted. But she’s still been doing little things this whole time. She’s still shown signs of jealousy. She still thirsts over him, just not as openly as she did before. She gets super shy whenever they have one-on-ones and that makes her get awkward in the cutest way. Jester started to be careful with how she was around Fjord, but he’s been making it pretty clear that he doesn’t want her to be careful with him and I think she’s starting to realize that. It’s giving her hope that maybe her feelings are wanted. 

Also, the fact that there’s no in-between for these two? They’re either incredibly emotional when they talk to each other or incredibly awkward or BOTH. They are radiating “in love with your best friend” energy. The difference is that Fjord isn’t afraid of ruining the friendship and Jester is. Or... well... yeah. Actually, that’s what I mean. I think Jester’s coming around to not being afraid. She’s got hope again that they might be something more. And I think that hope is starting to be fun for her again instead of scary.

OKAY I’m almost done. I want to very briefly talk about that gifset that I made, because I made receipts for a reason, damn it. Let’s talk ONLY about the conversation in 117.

Gif 1: This one is right after this exchange. Jester: I mean... it's worth a try. He's met all of us, so he could potentially scry on anyone, I guess, now. But maybe it'll keep me from being seen if I scry on him. I don't know how it all works. // Fjord: I guess we'd find out the next time we did it. // Jester: Yeah. Like, she looks down at the necklace and just smiles, because Fjord has literally just told her that his safety doesn’t matter as much as hers. Fjord went out of his way to do this thing for her and she just looks so touched.

Gifs 2 and 3: These are both just Jester laughing over Fjord talking about her face when she’s scrying. They’re goofing off and being silly. And gif 3 in particular is just... again. She’s having fun! With Fjord! And she likes that. 

Gif 4: Jester just asked Fjord “how are you?” and he started up with that big, goofy grin. And she can’t even get through calling her question stupid without smiling. Like, she’s reacting to his smile. And it’s kind of funny, because I think she doesn’t understand why he’s smiling so much in that moment, but she still can’t help but smile back.

Gif 5: I feel like I need to close all of that before.... That’s such an interesting reaction and SO TELLING. Like, that small smile and then she kind of takes a breath and then she still can’t not smile over it. SHE KNOWS. She really hopes that it means what she wants it to mean. And she wants it to mean something. 

Gif 6: She’s once again reacting to a Fjord smile. You can see the way the corners of her mouth keep trying to smile. Because Fjord is just touched and telling her that yeah, she should send a message to Kotho. And then it’s the things she’s doing with her hand there, too. She’s all nervous energy and can’t really hold still. There’s that hope again.

Gif 7: She’s SO HAPPY because she’s helping him. SO HAPPY. And again with the hands! So much nervous energy.

Gif 8: It's just a spell! It's easy to do. Again with the hands!!! I mean, okay. Speculation and projection. I’m aware. This is just something I do and I see it in Jester a lot. Where, she’s got to do something with her hands so they don’t do what she really wants them to. I mean, SERIOUSLY. And the way she smiles at him at the end of it. There’s a lot for her to process about this exchange and I think it’s starting to hit her. How much this means. What this might mean. And she’s happy. She’s excited.

Gif 9: I will think about that all night. Still the nervous energy. I won’t repeat that paragraph. But like. Fuck. Fjord told her that he was going to think about that all night. I kind of want to yell right now. In a good way. My heart just hurts in a good way over this moment. I can’t even speculate on her emotions here because that’s like... huge. There was so much tension here. Jester hasn’t had anyone say anything like this to her before. She doesn’t know how to react. And Fjord is also holding himself back. Uh, this is Fjord HOLDING HIMSELF BACK. What the fuck. I mean. Okay I have to move on. I have nothing productive to say here.

Gif 10: I guess I was wrong. This isn’t only about the conversation, but also about the moment later. Where he thinks she’s going to scry when she’s going to send and she realizes that he was going to do what she asked him to before. She is just so pleased that he intended to follow through. I choose to believe this is 100% what Jester’s face actually did in the moment. And I love this because it’s only awkward on Fjord’s end this time. Jester is just happy.

I’ve gotta end this thing, guys. Why are you even still listening to me ramble???

I guess what I ultimately want this whole answer to be: Jester’s in love with Fjord. Fjord makes her so happy. And she is starting to let herself hope that he’s in love with her, too. She can see the possibility of a future with him again and finally letting herself believe that it might happen. So, yeah. That’s where I think Jester’s feelings are. 

Hope you enjoyed my mini breakdown over Jester and how much Fjord’s support has meant to her! 

[faintwalker]

for the artist asks!! the questions i wanna ask u are 1, 2, 7, 9, 10, 12, 15, 25, and 30 👌 ive never done any of these artist ask things before so im not sure if thats way too many questions so u can skip some if u like

Even more questions!  -wWw-  

(As I’ve already answered 1, 2, 7, 15, and 25 with the previous ask, I will skip over those, but let me know if you want an answer expanded upon!)  

So, it looks like I’m starting with:  

9. How much time do you spend drawing on an average day?  

I feel like I should say that, due to the pandemic, I feel like I didn’t pick up this hobby on a time of average days, so that may skew the data a bit.  On some days I don’t draw at all, for various reasons, or I only get a small doodle done.  Some days I draw for a few hours.  And some days I spend more time, sometimes even the majority of the day, working on art, usually when I’m afflicted with hyperfocus for a project.

So, an average day is probably more than one hour but less than five.  Maybe.  I can’t say I’m sure.  

10. Are you confident about your art?  

It depends, I think.  

Perhaps I should say I’m confident with where I’m at with my art, in many ways.  I’m still learning and growing as an artist, and there are many ways in which I hope to improve my abilities.  Some of my art has many mistakes, and certain pieces are uncomfortable to look at with how glaring the mistakes feel-- even some of these pieces are on my blog.  I try to avoid showing a strong lack of confidence when I don’t feel great about something, because really: 

The art I do is a hobby.  I don’t have to be perfect at it, all I have to do is find that it brings something worthwhile to my life.  

And so for me, drawing isn’t about being perfect.  If I was trying to convey a concept, did I convey the concept?  If I was trying to capture a certain feeling, do I feel it when I look upon the piece?  If I thought of something silly, does my art of it still make me want to laugh?  Sometimes art is about emotional processing or healing or fear.  Sometimes art is wanting to share something with someone else, hoping to brighten their day.  It’s a form of expression, and it can express all kinds of things.

(If my art is a love letter to something that matters to me in life, do I feel glad of the time I spent on it?)  

When I ask questions like this, I would say that I have confidence even if I have much to learn in the way of skill.  And I do think some of my skill is pretty decent, too!  I can have a lot to learn and still feel good with what I do now.  

Even if a piece is not my “best,” I will still often put it up so as to not corner myself into raising my own bar on what’s “good enough” to an impossible high.  To live like that is miserable for me.

(I grew up in a place where my worth was dependent on my abilities.  To draw and create without my art needing to be “good enough”-- needing to try for perfection on every piece when perfection itself is an abstract concept-- is a way in which I make myself freer.  And so my philosophy on art has perhaps become a strange one, but it gives me the strength to draw as I do.)  

(Sorry if my answer is odd and overly heavy!  I was trying to answer the question honestly, and this was the best way I could think to do it.)  

12. Is it okay for people to ask you about your process?  

Super okay!  If you’re curious about something, please feel free to ask!  

-wWw-  

(I already answered 15, but on some days when I do many little drawings, the time between posting can give an idea of how long they take!  I often post things soon after I draw them.  Not always, and some time is spent with taking the picture and formatting the post, but I did realize that sometimes when I draw many smaller things, I do them in a row!)  

30. What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?  

Many things, to be honest!  There are things I would like to convey better in my art, so that’s a big one.  Seeing other people’s art can be inspiring-- I can’t word it well at present, but the world is full of all this art and I find that to be wonderful.  Sometimes that makes me want to contribute too, partially out of appreciation.  I’d like to make things that other people can see and have feelings about.  I think that’d be pretty cool.  (It’s always super cool to hear when people like my art!  Makes me really happy.)  

On the contributing-- I like to make fanart.  It’s fun to be part of an online community of people who all like a certain thing and celebrate that in various ways, and seeing all that inspires me to put in effort when I can!  Thanks to all of the kind people who have been part of my positive fandom experience!

As I said earlier, art is a form of expression, and so part of it is wanting to express myself better.  

Below the cut I get dark and heavy.  This is your warning about that.

 To be personal for a moment again: I’ve survived through some really terrible things in life.  One of the things that helped me the most to get through that and to make it to the better place I’m in now, to keep me going on alright, is seeing reflections of pain similar to what I went through in fiction.  I don’t know anyone who lived through a situation like mine, and I’m happy about that, actually, because I don’t want people to suffer, but a fictional character can’t be hurt in the same way as a person can be, as they are a concept.  And it’s not easy to find characters with hurts very similar to my hurts actually dealing with them in a psychologically realistic or relatable way, but when I do find content with that, it matters so much to me.  It makes me feel like I’m not alone. 

If I can, I want to make something of the sort that I find helpful, in the hopes that it might help someone else too.  And that is the deepest heart of it-- helping myself and others.  

---  

Thank you for sending in the questions, jellyfish!  I hope the heavy answers are okay.