#reality: at least 70% of those scenes will likely be different than the summary once i actually write them out.

[mejomonster]

Coming up with ideas for writing 💜💜💜

Actually writing ;-;

[meggtheegg]

Echoes of the Past

Summary: The world Captain Carter returns to looks all too different, and far too much is lost. It's all she can do to take solace in an old friend, but she never considered that he'd find comfort in her, too.

A/N: Just a quick little idea I had after rewatching episode one of What If? :) Very vaguely a redux of the scene with Steve and Peggy in CA:TWS, in the sense of reuniting with the much older version of a wartime companion and discussing the modern world.

Word Count: 1.1k

If not for the familiar glint in his still-twinkling blue eyes, the man sitting in front of Peggy Carter may have looked entirely like a stranger.

Which made sense, of course. Hell, everything was different, now. Some things more than others, but...even the familiar felt just wrong enough to sting, if she looked for too long.

The files Fury had given her the day after her arrival had provided very little in the way of comfort, her eyes scanning the word DECEASED, over and over until it no longer looked like a word, at all. They’d all hurt, but none had been quite as painful as Steve’s.

God, his had hurt the most, by a long shot.

Perhaps it had been foolish to hold out any hope. Even if, by some miracle, he’d managed to live this long, he wouldn’t have been the Steve she knew. Lord knows, 70 years will change anyone.

“Peggy? There something on your mind?”

The voice cut through her train of thought, dragging her back into reality.

“Nothing that one wouldn’t expect, I suppose,” she said stiffly, reaching for the tea he’d placed on the coffee table, in front of her.

Barnes being alive should have, logically, felt like a minor miracle, but somehow, it was almost as expected as Steve being gone. Although they used to push each other’s buttons—hell, button-pushing had been the core of their relationship, most of the time—she’d grown to respect the man. He was a fighter, much as he tried to pretend not to be. She wasn’t sure which of those things was more admirable.

“Makes sense.” Bucky smiled, sipping his own drink. Coffee. Black. Same as always. “Y’know…when I heard that you…I mean, I didn’t believe it. Plenty of gals have popped up, over the years, trying to say they were…” His smile sank, a little. The more they spoke, the more that twinkle seemed to fade. There was something new behind his eyes, now, Peggy realized. He used to be so light, taking every inconvenience in stride, letting the world bounce right off of him with a wisecrack and a smile. But there was a new air of exhaustion to him, now. Every word, every movement, carried with it seventy years of highs and lows, of a world that can beat a man down and pick him back up in a matter of moments. Moments that Peggy had missed. “Every time, Steve’d get his hopes up. But I don’t think either of us ever really expected…”

“…how was Steve? After I…all the time that…”

His eyes flicked to the floor. So did hers.

“Well…I mean, he was devastated. Took him years to move on. Don’t know if that helps or hurts, but…” He paused, and all at once, the room fell deadly silent. “…I think a part of him blamed himself, for what happened.”

“No. No, it was never his fault.”

“That’s what I told him.” He set the coffee mug back down, gingerly, with surprising steadiness for a man in his nineties. “But you know Steve. Takes ages to get any idea into his thick head. Or out of it.”

Peggy nodded but kept silent. Tears welled in her eyes, and she didn’t hold them back. Bucky had seen her cry, plenty.

She used to force herself into stoicism, bite back tears, keep her composure, at all costs. There were enough whispers about a woman working out in the field, about how quickly her emotions could get the best of her. For too long, she’d let those whispers affect her, more than she’d even realized. Bucky had been the one to call her on it.

“Hey, don’t you worry about it, okay? I mean, hell, sometimes, I think us fellas ought to be crying more,” he’d said, sitting on watch together, beside the dim light of a dying campfire. “Maybe we wouldn’t end up in all these goddamn wars if we’d let ourselves feel, every once in a while.”

Now, he reached out a hand, across the coffee table, taking hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

He seemed so fragile.

“You know…he never stopped loving you.”

“But he had to move on.”

“He did. As much as he could.” Slowly, he backed away, once again picking up his coffee and sitting back in his well-worn easy chair. “He poured himself into making the world better. More like you two imagined it could be. We all did, but…he was always the best of us.”

“He was…”

“You helped the world see that. Anyone Captain Carter saw as an equal had to be a hero. No matter how skinny he was. That’s something I could never do.”

“You sell yourself short.” She couldn’t help but smile, just a little. “From what I’ve heard, you were the brains behind S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Well, technically, that was Howard.”

She gave him a look.

“But, yeah. It was me.”

Finally, she let herself laugh. It felt like ages since she’d been able to do that.

“There’s our girl.” Bucky smiled softly, his own eyes brimming with tears.

It hit her, then. Hard as it was for her, finding that he was the only one left…living it couldn’t have been any easier.

“Look at us, still a pile of mush, after all this time.” She smiled softly.

“We were always the sensitive ones.”

“You, more so.”

“Of course.” Bucky smiled back at her, taking a breath.

“That seems to have worked. At least, from what I’ve heard.”

“Well…we’ve got a long way to go. But…it is nice. Seeing the world try to be better. Even if we tend to be awful at it.” There was subtext to that statement that Peggy couldn’t quite piece together. But from the way he returned to his coffee, it seemed he had no wish to elaborate.

“Are you, um…are you in touch with the new team?”

“To varying degrees.” He nodded. “I don’t know if you’ve met Stark’s kid, yet-”

“I haven’t.”

“He’s a good kid. Troubled, but…his heart’s in the right place.”

“I’m sorry. About Howard.” He had passed only a few months ago, she remembered. Lung cancer. That wound must have still been fresh.

Bucky shook his head.

“It was almost a relief, in the end. Just that he wasn’t in pain anymore, y’know?”

She nodded solemnly.

“Lost a bet, though. Always swore I’d go out before he would.”

“Why?”

“Well, we were both reckless. Just in different ways.”

Something in the way he said it told Peggy, once again, that she ought to change the subject. There was only so much digging that either of them could take.

“…it’s nice to see you, again, James.”

He knew that wasn’t entirely true. In her mind, they’d seen each other just days ago. But still, he smiled.

“You too, Peg. You too.”