#reading this was like a nebula exploding in my mind and ascending

[darlingkairos]

THIS THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT AND YOU ARTICULATED PERFECTLY 😭🙏💓 bless.

Ur literally in my head, u gotta be. This is what I was missing. ur a saint.

" he and vader uniquely understand the way hate has branded their arteries and blackened their blood, how darkness has shriveled their heart and consumed it entirely."

This Parrttttt 🫶🫶WHAT HOW oh, you have an excellent way with words. Im running laps, im cleaning dishes, im mopping floors while screeching in absolute delight 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️💓

Yeah, so in my AU, Vader and Maul have this codependency sith thing going on and when Maul inevitably deflects from the empire because his faith in Vader is completely crushed, it tears Vader apart because he knows he is going to be forced to kill Maul but I dont really know how to write and convey Maul having undying loyalty for Anakin (Vader?) without it getting OOC. Why would he stay for so long? how did such a bond happen? I know it has to do with trauma, hoping to team up to killing sidious and some type of sith religious bullshit but—

What...sorry?? Oh...What would I like to order?

[pheonixfire4015]

Only the Moon and the Stars Know

NOTE: Hello all, I thought I would take a crack at another fic in order to help us all get through the 3 weeks till a new SVU. This one can correlate to the previous fic I wrote last week “Peace in the Midst of the Storm.” I was listening to Sia’s “My Love” and the images just came flooding in. So I again neglected my homework in order to dream up a beautiful E/O moment. I also drew inspiration from the beautiful super moon we had recently. I hope you enjoy your moon dance :). I have never posted on fic sites before but if someone wants to review my work for mistakes I am fine with it being posted elsewhere as long as my name is attached. Forgive any mistakes missed. 

As always I own nothing, Elliot and Olivia belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. This is E/O centered based on what I hope we see at Fins wedding. A girl can hope for a kiss right? Or is a kiss and a dance too much to ask for ;). Heres the link to Sia’s masterpiece: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWyOPaTWXOw

Rated: PG

The night was cool but warmth hung gently in the air, inviting. In the darkness the moon dazzled in all its glory, flashes of brilliant whites and peeking through a conspicuous gentle hint of pink. Not a cloud in site, the vastness going on into eternity. Like a pearl, a precious rare stone being found in the darkness… In its brilliance… being seen for the first time. The stars each twinkled in their individual radiance but almost appearing to step back in awe… allowing the moon its moment. In the backdrop the waves ungulated, mesmerizing, as each wave sparkled in the magnificent miraculous light of the heavenly bodies above.

Liv looked up, eyes wide taking in the breathtaking beauty of it, the gothic magical stillness. Their light shimmering in the pools of her twin deep golden iris’. She held her beath feeling like any slight noise would interrupt the peace settling all around her. Holding every inch of her near. She took a deep breath closing her eyes to preserve the moment in the recesses of her mind. As if it was a painting lovingly created just for her eyes to see. How long had it been, could she even remember a time she felt… relief, peace, lightness… Hope. The last few months had been filled with turmoil and yet laced with healing honesty and promise. With all the sorrow and evil heaviness she had endured and seen, every millisecond of peace was like the first breath taken in too long. It filled her lungs and trickled warm life through her whole being.

When she was a child the only hope in the darkness was the dream of finding a place to belong… a home… a family. The hope that she was not just created for one thing, brokenness. Over time as age crept in she had learned that many precious lights in this world wandered this journey alone. That was just reality. If you were incredibly lucky you found one, one soul wondering… who was willing to see you for the reality… stripping away the exterior to see the awesome jewel you are within… they will fight… they will claw… they will love deeply if it meant they could remain near. Suffocating sorrow, pain, and loss are of the wisest of teachers. They remove the scales covering our sight, allowing us to see the smallest of moments like a precious work of art. Breathe… in and out…. In and out….

The music behind brought Liv back to reality. Their ascending notes only highlighting the sight before her. To most eyes Fin’s wedding would not be seen as a fairy tale spectacle but to those who knew and loved him, it fit them perfectly. A smile graced her face, she was happy for them. They had found one another, grasping on, among the thrashing waves of life. One of the lucky ones.

In a moment she felt a shift in the atmosphere around her. Time slowed... There was a gravitational pull coming near. Without turning around she knew the only soul who possessed that sway over her being. She felt his presence fall into her orbit, had he always fit there so perfectly? His warm heavy breath fanned the back of her neck.

“Liv….” That voice had both haunted her dreams and healed wounds. Had he always been her destiny? Had her waging war not been in vain? Had all those moments led up to this… prepared that scared broken little girl for this very moment in time? Had the moon and stars stopped for the honor of viewing one life collide with another? Exploding within the nebula of space, creating life.

She felt his hand lightly brush against hers igniting electricity causing ever hair to stand on end.  Liv turned around. Those eyes had her, held her. In them she saw 22 years-worth of fight, struggle, desperate love and loyalty. His eyes searched her face, read her eyes. A slight glittering smile reached his eyes before they passed the massage to his mouth.  For a few moments there was silence, he took her in… imprinting this woman, he has longed for, for longer than he could recall anymore. Being away from her for 12 years had just made them all the more difficult to ignore.  

“You look”…. Words seem to utterly escape him… “Beautiful.” He knew this woman before him- he knew her demons, her fears, her hopes, her strength, her wounds, her beauty- but in that moment, he felt he was seeing her clearly for the first time. Why had he allowed so much time to be lost?

Liv broke the pull of his eyes and her head fell. Hair cascading down around her like a protective shell. Had she ever felt more vulnerable? “Thank you.”

There was so much he wanted… needed to say. So many feelings and too few words. So in the moment he did the only thing that made sense. Elliot ran his hand down her arm- leaving a trail of fire in the wake of his touch- till it slid perfectly into the mold of her hand. She looked up at him, pulling her in deeper. He had her, there was no escape.

“Dance with me Liv.” Elliot guided her outside of the tent and away from prying eyes.

He looked down seeing where the concrete stopped and the sand began. A smile crept across Elliot’s face, his feet moved and he kicked off the shoes he took out of his closet once a year, pulled off his socks with them. Liv looked over at his discarded shoes, amused… she stepped out of her own. With her hand still in his they walked onto the shifting surface. Liv stopped for a moment wiggling her toes deeper into the warm grains. There was something about the beach that brough out the child in everyone. Amazed that each grain of sand at one time was a part of something living.  Liv looked up at Elliot with a smile.

“It’s nice to see that you know…” She looked at him confused… “A smile.” Without giving her a chance to think he guided her closer to the waves. Liv’s feet sunk into the sand and for an instant she lost her footing. Instinctively Elliot caught her. A laugh erupted from Liv.

“Well, we know one thing that hasn’t changed.” She smacked the side of his arm.

“If you get me wet Elliot Stabler I swear to God I am not above using defensive maneuvers and you will be going home with a wet suit.” Liv had a glint in her eyes, one he had seen so many times before. He smiled, pretending not to be amusing, “We will just have to see about that now won’t we.” They slid back into old patterns with such ease as if no time had transpired between them. In that moment he finally realized just how much he needed all of this back. He had missed his best friend.

They both stopped for a moment, taking in the dazzling display before them. Waves crashing in and then retreating in a delicate dance.

“Have you ever seen anything like it?” She squeezed his hand. “Actually, this is all Noah has been talking about for the last month. He is at a friend’s house tonight. They have a telescope and planned a party around the “Super Pink Moon Event of the Century.” She laughed. “Last time I checked my phone I have already gotten about 40 pictures of the moon via text message from every angle possible, they are even convinced they may have seen a UFO.”

At that Elliot laughed, “You’re kidding me?” Liv smiled and shook her head, “Nope.”

With that a long silence hung between them again neither one of them acknowledging that their hands were still intertwined, like they were afraid if they lost contact the other would simply drift out into the vastness of space. Elliot signed, looking down at their connection. He pulled a little to get her attention. She looked at him with a smile, “You can barely hear the music from here.” Elliot looked over at the tent in the distance. “I think we will do just fine, besides the waves are giving off their own beat and I’d take that over music any day of the week.”

With that said she stepping into his embrace. One hand in his the other coming up to cup the back of his neck. His free hand sliding gently onto the curve of her side. Their eye contact never wavering. For a minute they both just stood there, reveling in just how good it felt to be near one another. Slowly Elliot began to move in rhythmic circles, pulling her with him. Soon it became clear that more contact was needed, wanted. He pulled her closer as her other hand came up around his neck. Both of Elliot’s hand snaked around her waist pulling her more firmly to him. He longed to be as close as he could get. Liv’s head dropped to his shoulder. Breathing him in deeply. Had she forgotten how safe it felt here? For what felt like an eternity they swayed… moved against each other, reveling in the sensation of loving and being loved. The soft cadence of the waves their only music.

Elliot nuzzled into the side of her head and whispered gently into her ear, “I meant what I said the other night you know, at the intervention.” With that Liv stopped moving, she pulled her head away just enough to look into his eyes. So close that their breath had become intermingled. “It may not have come out the way I had hoped, or when, but I meant every word Liv.” With that said Liv’s emotions caused her chin to move of its own accord and tears began to well up in her eyes. She closed her them, freeing the tears that had been pooling there. Liv rested her forehead against his, letting out a trembling breath. For a long moment they just stood there… listening to the rhythmic pattern of the waves and their own breathing.

When Liv felt her emotions wrangle themselves in, she said… “I know you did.”

Elliot pulled her into an embrace, squeezing her tightly to himself. “Let’s get you home, huh?” With a sigh she broke free of his secure embrace instantly missing the protective cocoon he had created around her. He looked down at her for a moment, and reached up to stroke a piece of errant hair behind her ear.

“Did you drive here?” She asked with an unsteady voice.

“No, I took an uber. I figured you wouldn’t mind me hitching a ride back with you.” Elliot smiled.

“Well, I can’t promise I won’t charge you for the gas and the milage, or make you listen to some ridiculously cheesy music.” Liv grinned easing the tension that lingered.  

“I guess Ill take my chances, if all else fails I can always jump ship and walk home.”

With that they both laughed. They walked hand in hand to her car parked to the far end of the event tent. Unwilling to lose the last remaining connection between them.

The ride home was uneventful. Liv did her best to keep her thoughts in line. There was a part of her that wanted to reciprocate his feelings and the other part that was simply unsure. Feeling she had tried for years to bury. There was still so much to work through. In the corners of her mind was a small pang of guilt, it had only been 6 months since Kathy’s death. Could she trust his emotions? There was also a part of Liv that wanted to protect herself as she knew deep down she could not endure losing him again and come out the other end… sane.

The car pulled to a stop outside of Elliot’s apartment. A silent tension hung in the air between them. “Would you walk with me a bit before you go?”

She was tired, but the other part of her simply longed for his presence. “Sure, I guess I can do that.”

They silently walked along the sidewalks of New York, the city that never slept no matter how late. “Your quiet, I wish you would tell me what your thinking Liv.”

With a sigh she contemplated her next words carefully. Did she have the strength to be honest or was it best to do what they did best, hide and avoid.

“Look Elliot, there has been so much at once I can’t keep my head on straight. A lot… happened when you were gone.”

He looked at her with tormented hooded eyes. “Fin… shared with me some of it but he wanted to let you share your own experiences.” Elliot shook his head, tears briming.  “I am sorry Liv. I can’t promise you, if I had been here, I would not have killed that son of a bitch for what he did to you.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret the fact I wasn’t here.”

Liv sighed and shook her head… “Elliot, I need you to hear me. My life is not your responsibility, of all the things I learned from this that is one of them. And I think I understand better why you felt you needed to leave, but that doesn’t change my experience of it. Of who you were in my life. Somehow… my whole life and existence had become wrapped up in you. You were my partner, my family, my best friend. I couldn’t remember a time in my life without you in it. I had to learn to live a different way without that… without you. Then you come back and your emotions are all over the place. I don’t know if I can trust them or you. Or even trust myself…” There was a silent pause.

“You just lost your wife Elliot. I just don’t know what to do with all of this. It’s not that I don’t… have feelings… I just don’t know if I can even trust them right now.”

Elliot was silent for along moment, wanting to get his words right. He could see his apartment coming back into view, somehow they had already made their way back.

“You’re right Liv.”

They both stopped at the front door of his apartment building. Elliot reached out and pulled Olivia into his embrace.

“Listen to me Liv, I am all over the place and you have every right to question me but that doesn’t mean the things I have felt have not been there between us for a long time. They didn’t just spring up out of nowhere. With all of this, it has just made it more glaringly obvious I… we have not been honest with each other. Look…”

Elliot pulled slightly away and his finger came up to slowly lift her chin. Her eyes locked with his.

“I don’t expect anything from you Liv. If you want space I’ll give you space. I just want a chance to make this right.”

With that said Liv’s chin again quivered. “I don’t want space Elliot.”

“Then what do you want?”

She looked up at him, reading his face, unsure how to articulate the balled-up mass of emotions and thoughts.

“I just want to know this is real, that you will get some help, that you won’t disappear again. I can’t continue on this roller-coaster.”

Elliot shook his head, “I hear you Liv.”

He pulled her into his arms again and she clung on desperately. Within a part of herself was this sense of shame, like some of the work she had done over the last 12 years was being quickly undone. While the rest of her felt she was finally home again.

Liv pulled away… allowing her forehead to find its way to his, if only to remain close for a bit longer.

In a voice above a whisper, she said… “I love you to.”

Elliot pulled his head from hers. Looking deeply into those dark brown eyes. Olivia’s hand gently stroked his cheek of their own accord.

He looked down to her lips and then back to those eyes again. She did not move; she did not pull away. Elliot leaned in slowly, allowing his nose to stroke the side of her own. Her breath fanned hot against his face. Liv’s mouth opened slightly but she did not move, she simply waited. Elliot’s mouth delicately caressed the softness of her top lip. Liv’s eyes shut involuntarily at the sensations of his mouth on her own. He stepped closer into her allowing his mouth to conform more fully to hers, the slightest of pressure. Liv angled here head to allow for more contact, grasping at the back of his neck. Before she knew it, he was pulling away when all she wanted was… more of him.

His sight rested on hers. The look in his eyes all too familiar took on a new and profound meaning. With hooded eyes she blinked slowly up at him, stroking his stubbled cheek. Nothing more needed to be said. It had not been a passionate frenzied kiss, but what it was… was honest. It was a promise of things to come. With a smile he rested his forehead to hers one more time. If only to hold on for a few more minutes.

“Wanna grab coffee tomorrow?”

She pulled away and smiled, “If you’re buying.”

Liv walked slowly to her car, every sound and sight muffled, as if she was walking through the haze of a dream. Each step coming as if in slow motion.

Their eyes met one last time above the car.

“You call me when you get home, alright, because if you don’t you will have the entire precinct at your doorstep in about 20 minutes.”

Without saying a word, she smiled and slid back into the driver’s side of the car. Elliot watched her slowly pull away until he could no longer see her car.

Far off in the distant, the moon and the stars followed, watching with bated breath. Rejoicing in one lost light finding its way to another, on this journey called life.