#reading these lyrics and thinking of these two broke my heart

[aziraphae]

hi love! do you know the song “history of man” by maisie peters? i had a closer look at the lyrics and feel like some of them fit the ineffable husbands (in a very heartbreak-y way) so well?? anyways hope u have a good day and love your work!! ���

"i couldn't believe it, how you could just stop wanting me?" and "i've pleaded, with the powers and their plans. i tried to rewrite it but i can't" is just so crowley i'm gonna cry

[txmxkis]

i'm only really me when i'm here with you

pairing. boothill x gn!reader

genre. hurt/comfort

wc. 1.5k+

summary. you're determined to help boothill heal from his trauma by... doing his hair?

warnings. i took liberties with this, who knows what specific parts he actually has left or whether he can blush or not (in my heart he can lol), mention of boothill picking u up but i mean. he’s literally so strong he could handle anything, i made him soooo sad and it’s possibly wildly out of character, selfship coded as usual rip

a/n. continuing the tradition of using lyrics from songs on selfship playlists for fic titles lol. based on my tags on this post

they say that trauma is stored in the body, and while boothill didn't necessarily have a complete body anymore, this was still something that you thought about frequently when it came to his physical form.

regardless of just how much of his original self remained, there was still enough of him left that you were sure it had to be true in some capacity. after all, he retained his head and his heart—at least you were fairly certain—two of the most vital components of human anatomy.

it was so hard to read him. the real him. he tried so hard to always act confident and cool. actually, he didn't even really have to try or act. it seemed as if it came to him naturally and endlessly. there was a perpetual air of optimism surrounding him that was difficult to dim even on his most wearisome days.

even after experiencing whatever horrors he had to face from mission to mission, when he came home, the door to whatever room you were currently in would fling open—sometimes scaring you half to death—and he would greet you so happily that it felt as if there were no terrible things in the universe whatsoever.

you cherished his mannerisms, especially because you could be a pessimistic sort of person. rather frequently, in fact. you loved having him near you, able to draw laughter from you, however unwillingly it might be on your part at times. he was oddly skilled at making you feel assured and comfortable, in a way that nothing and no one had ever done before. you couldn’t seem to remember how you ever lived without his encouragement, and you didn’t think you could ever feel truly whole without it again.

there really was no accounting for his relentlessly positive attitude. given what he'd seen and endured, you thought it was damn near impossible to be as carefree as he seemed to be. at any rate, he did manage it. however, there were times, moments he rarely ever allowed you to witness, in which his façade would falter slightly and betray just how heavily the past weighed on him.

occasionally, you would catch him staring at his reflection, a downcast expression painting his beautiful features. every time you spoke of your family, you could detect glimpses of sadness in his eyes, albeit hidden behind a smile. once you even caught him crying as silently as he could—you assumed so as not to alert you—his shoulders sagging under an unforeseen weight, a look on his face that you could only describe as heartbroken. your own heart broke with his in that moment.

you always tried to be particularly attentive following those moments, but it was so difficult to get him to open up to you. he just wanted you to be happy. to not bother worrying about him. you had your own problems, after all, and there was no need for him to add to your burden. no need for him to ask for your pity.

he knew you cared for him deeply enough that it would cause you pain, and even if it was only a fragment of the grief that he lived with every day, he was sure that he would feel terribly and incessantly guilty about it. if he could remove every single aspect of your life that caused you suffering, he would do it in a heartbeat, and he could say that because it was one of the few original parts he had left. how could he add to that suffering by forcing you to imagine all the horrors from his own life?

it took so much time and effort on your part to convince him to open the door to himself, if even just a tiny crack. he was still extremely careful with his words and the details that he disclosed to you—he didn't want to overwhelm you, and he certainly didn't want to hurt you. in reality, these conversations, painful as they were for you to hear, actually helped you to feel as though you could comfort him more effectively.

yes, it hurt immensely to know even a small fraction of how much anguish he had experienced. yes, you despised the people who had done this to him and wanted to fight them yourself, in fact. yes, your chest felt tight with ache and sadness on his behalf. still, you could help him more by knowing than by not knowing.

eventually, you were able to make it this far, brushing through his hair as gently as your hands could manage. he had confessed to you in one of his more vulnerable moments that the white shock of hair on his head often served as a stark reminder of worse times, of the trauma and stress inflicted on his body. the admission gave you an idea, one that made boothill feel more than just a little bit exposed. he wasn’t accustomed to being looked after like this, with so much affection and love.

you began to make a routine out of it. every day you would do something with his hair—whether it was braiding it and tying it up intricately to make him feel pretty or simply combing through the strands and allowing them to cascade around his shoulders and down his back.

sometimes you would sit him in front of a mirror while you worked so that he could see exactly what you were doing in the moment. he didn’t quite understand how it all came together, but he found it fascinating to see how you twisted and weaved. at times, you were so focused on the hair in your hands that your brows would furrow, tongue poking out slightly between your lips. in the reflection, you genuinely looked like you were enjoying yourself.

even more noticeable to him was the expression you wore when you looked at him through the mirror. your gaze was so full of tenderness that his chest ached. he could swear that his heart actually skipped a beat. whenever that happened, you could see a flaring blush creep up his cheeks and into his ears, and you couldn’t help but laugh just a little bit at how endearing it was.

other times, you would settle on the couch, with him seated on the floor between your legs, adorning his hair with the cutest accessories, the two of you laughing and joking the whole time. you would delicately twist the locks back, securing them with pretty, multicolored clips that shone in the light.

when you were done, you would lead him slowly to a mirror, hands over his eyes, nearly stumbling over his legs as you walked behind him. you would pull your hands quickly from his face, revealing your handiwork, beaming with pride and grinning at how adorable he looked. he loved every minute of it—and every bit of you, he would think to himself as he turned to pick you up and spin you around, laughing in that deep voice of his. then he’d set you down gently, thanking you for your hard work with kisses sprinkled across your face.

days that were particularly trying for him would simply be spent in comfortable silence. when he didn’t feel like talking from the pain of it all, he would wordlessly lay his head on your chest as you ran your fingers through his long locks. feeling your touch—the slight pull on his scalp, the tickle of shifting hair—it all made him feel so relaxed that he could melt right into your skin until you absorbed him fully into you. often, the combination of this and the gentle, steady beat of your heart would lull him to sleep, and seeing his expression ease and soften in these moments was all the reward you ever needed.

in the beginning, it was unclear whether this dedicated time spent caring for his hair was helping or not. over time, however, you noticed a glimmer in his eyes—something that told you he would be alright, despite everything.

pain still remained; it always would, but instead of constantly gazing at his reflection with grief, every once in a while you would catch a hint of a smile pulling at his lips. it was as if he was remembering how you hummed while placing those clips, or how he had teasingly whipped you with his hair on a more playful occasion, or any number of positive memories that you had put so much effort into lovingly crafting with him.

you were determined to do your best, slowly but surely, to lighten his burden—or at least help carry it. there was no reason for him to feel alone when he had you by his side. and if creating these happy memories was what you had to do in order to help him, well, you would gladly continue forever.

reblogs & interactions are appreciated! thank you for reading! <3 — txmxkis

[dovesdreaming]

Silent longing

(Close to you)

Summary: inspired by the song close to you by Gracie abrams. Hazel is your best friend and you long for her in silence until tonight.

Request

Masterlist

Warnings: none

-

Hazel Callahan always had this magnetic energy about her. To the outside world, she was the master planner, the one who always knew what to say to get everyone on board with her wild ideas. But to you, she was so much more than that. She was your best friend, the person who understood you without needing any words at all. And maybe that’s why it hurt so much to be this close and yet feel so far away. Tonight was no different. The two of you were sitting on Hazel’s bed, half heartedly flipping through an old yearbook she had pulled from the depths of her closet. A playlist hummed softly in the background, the dim lighting making everything feel softer, more intimate. Hazel’s room was filled with little pieces of her, a collage of messy Polaroids on the wall, a half-finished painting leaning against the desk, and stacks of books she would probably never get around to reading. You loved it all. You loved her.

As you sat there, you couldn’t help but steal glances at Hazel, taking in the way her nose scrunched up when she found an embarrassing photo or how her laughter filled the room with warmth. You’d known Hazel forever, and in that time, your feelings for her had only grown, quietly and insistently. You tried to be content with what you had. Late-night hangouts, inside jokes, and moments like these that made your heart ache in the best way. But it was hard when every small touch, every lingering look, left you wanting more. Hazel nudged your shoulder playfully, her voice snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Hey, you’re zoning out on me” she teased, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Where’d you go?”. You forced a smile, trying to play it cool. “Nowhere, just thinking” you replied, hoping she wouldn’t press any further. Hazel set the yearbook aside, shifting closer until your knees were touching. She studied you, her expression softening into something that made your heart skip a beat. “You’ve been kind of quiet lately. Are you okay?”. You shrugged, struggling to find the right words. How could you explain that being around her was both the best and most painful thing in the world? That every time she smiled at you, it felt like both a promise and a reminder of what you couldn’t have?

“It’s nothing” you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper. But Hazel didn’t buy it. She never did. “Liar” she said gently, bumping her shoulder against yours. “Come on, you can talk to me. It’s me”. That was the problem, wasn’t it? It was Hazel. And you wanted to be close to her in a way that you were afraid to admit, even to yourself.

A familiar song started playing softly in the background and you swallowed hard, feeling the lyrics settle deep into your chest. Hazel didn’t notice at first, too busy watching you, but when she heard the familiar melody, she grinned.

‘You saw me look at you

I burn for you’

“I love this song” she said, her voice tinged with a quiet kind of nostalgia. “It’s one of those that makes you feel… everything, you know?”. You nodded, feeling a lump form in your throat. The words felt too close to home, almost as if they were written for moments like this, for all the things you wanted to say but couldn’t.

‘If you asked me to

I’d give up everything

To be close to you’

Hazel reached out, her fingers brushing against yours in a soft, tentative touch. It was nothing new, she was always tactile, always finding ways to connect but tonight, it felt different. More charged, you were burning for her touch. “You can talk to me” she repeated, her voice softer this time, almost pleading. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to keep it inside”.

‘I wanna be close to you

Break my heart and start a fire

You got me overnight

Just let me be..’

The dam broke before you could stop it. “It’s you, Hazel” you blurted out, your voice cracking. “I’m always thinking about you”. Hazel’s eyes widened slightly, a flicker of surprise crossing her face. For a moment, you thought you’d ruined everything, that you’d crossed a line you couldn’t uncross. But then she smiled a slow, understanding smile that sent warmth flooding through you. “Is that so bad?” Hazel asked, her tone light but her eyes searching yours deeply. “Thinking about me?”. “It is when I want more than just thinking” you confessed, feeling your cheeks burn. “When I’m sitting here wishing I could just… be close to you in a way that matters”.

Hazel was quiet, and you braced yourself for rejection. But then she leaned in, closing the distance between you with a gentleness that made your heart feel like it was going to burst. She rested her forehead against yours, her breath mingling with yours in the small space between. “You already matter to me” Hazel whispered, her voice barely audible but so full of sincerity that it made your head spin. “More than you know”. Before you could say anything, Hazel’s lips were on yours. Soft, hesitant, but so full of all the things you’d been too afraid to hope for. It wasn’t perfect or practiced, but it was real, and it was Hazel. She pulled away just enough to look at you, her hand still cupping your cheek. “Being close to you… it’s all I’ve ever wanted” she admitted, her thumb brushing against your skin. “So if you’re thinking about me, just know I’m thinking about you, too. All the time”. You smiled, a genuine, unguarded smile that you hadn’t felt in a long time. With Hazel, you felt safe like maybe, just maybe, being close to her was exactly where you were meant to be.

-

Thank you for reading!!

[leeyanyanyaaan]

Kayn x Graffiti Artist!Reader

16 / 11 / 2023

hi hi~ welcome to the start of my heartsteel x headcanon series "creatively charmed"! sorry, i cant think of a better title atm LOL anyways, this is gonna be a series of the heartsteel band with a lover who's got a creative side to them XD that's all, hope you enjoy! next up will be sett ^-^

Started with another one of days where Kayn decided to go out and wreak havoc by vandalizing everything LOL

When he does he often comes across a lot of grafitti art, this one in particular has a certain style to it

He always lets out a little chuckle when he sees it.

Now, as a fellow artist himself, he is respectful enough to not ruin that person's art, but he does his own grafitti nearby. For him it always includes his HEARTSTEEL icon and if he's feeling good then some song lyrics or a joke

This time, it was shortly after HEARTSTEEL's debut MV released, so when he left to do his usual vandalizing, he wrote "two sides to a story but they never tell my side" with a bunch of doodles. He was particularly proud of this piece, so he was planning to continue working on it the next day

What he didn't expect, however, was for someone to continue the lyrics, with "never been the kinda guy to stay inside the guidelines" written underneath, as well as some art of Kayn's scenes and even a headshot drawing of him from their single's thumbnail

Kayn was surprised and amazed to see it, and broke out into an excited shit-eating grin once he saw the artist's signature that he saw in all their other pieces

"So, looks like I captured this person's heart too. Ever the popular star I am, no?"

And so, he continued the lyrics to his verse, secretly hoping this grafitti artist will continue it again.

Which they did, and gradually, that specific wall gradually filled up with PARANOIA's lyrics from their gradual exchange, even with additional doodles of the other members, Ernest and Rhaast, and some of the funny scenes of the MV

Even mini conversations started with side comments on each others drawings, for example:

"This dog -> true MVP of HEARTSTEEL"

"The dog in the MV? His name's Ernest. (But Kayn is the real MVP)"

"LOL u come up w that name? I can see it tho ngl"

Oh right, this person doesn't know this is THE Kayn Shieda they're talking to

Anyways, this exchange made Kayn excited to come back every time (even his bandmates questioned why he goes out every night looking all excited)

Same with Rhaast actually LOL, but Kayn doesn't let him because he knows how crazy he gets when it comes to vandalizing

"I WANT A TURNNN KAYNNN" "No! I don't need you drawing 100 dicks on the wall again!" "THAT'S HOW MUCH OF A DICKHEAD YOU AREE-"

But alas, all good things must come to an end, after... 2 months, I guess? They had finished writing all the lyrics of the song and the whole wall was full of just HEARTSTEEL PARANOIA. Okay, so that's the end of it then.

Until a paper plane hit the top of Kayn's head. Annoyed, Kayn immediately lifted his head up to the direction it was thrown, yapping angrily at whoever had the fucking audacity to do that

Just as he was about to crumple the plane, he noticed writing on one of its wings, "read me!" Raising a brow curiously, he opened up the paperplane, where it revealed a username with a discord logo drawn next to it, along with your artist signature :)

I love how writing for Kayn gives me the free reign to swear AHAHAHDJSN

[xuchiya]

"complete my heart." || kim hongjoong ||

| genre: non!idol hongjoong. fluff. | mentions: rain. break-down car. confession.

It was one of those nights when the city felt eerily still, with only the distant hum of traffic and the occasional honking car breaking the silence. You were just about to drift off to sleep when the blare of a car honk jolted you awake. Glancing at your phone, the clock read 3:06 AM. Only one person would be up to something at this hour—Kim Hongjoong.

You quickly grabbed your hoodie and slipped on your customized Jordan shoes, courtesy of Wooyoung, who had proudly bragged about matching the colors to your favorites. The drizzle outside hinted at the heavy rain to come. As you climbed into Hongjoong’s car, you could tell he was up to something, his usual confident demeanor replaced with a hint of uncertainty.

The cityscape blurred by as you drove, the two of you enveloped in a silence that grew more palpable with each passing minute. Occasionally, you’d glance over at Hongjoong, wondering what was on his mind. The tension in the car was almost suffocating.

Unable to bear it any longer, you finally broke the silence. “Just tell me what’s on your mind before we find ourselves stranded here in the middle of the skyway because you forgot to pump some gas—”

As if on cue, the car jerked to an initial stop, causing your heart to race. Hongjoong quickly yanked up the hand brake, his face a mix of frustration and guilt. You huffed, muttering a 'told you so'.

“I know… I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the sound of the rain now pelting the car.

You turned to the window, watching the raindrops race down the glass. “You never go beyond the skyway…” your voice trailed off, more of a statement than a question.

Hongjoong sighed, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. “I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know how,” he admitted, his usual confidence crumbling. “I’ve always been sure of my feelings for you, and I’m not afraid to tell anyone how I feel. But when it comes to you, I… I don’t know how to act.”

You turned to him, seeing the vulnerability in his eyes. This was a side of Hongjoong you rarely saw, something in your heart stirred the way his eyes were shaky, and his body language were far off the one you usually caught but tonight, you knew there is something bothering him and the burden on his shoulders became too much for him that he has to, or he won't get a wink of sleep. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

He looked down, his fingers tapping nervously against the wheel. “Because I’m scared,” he confessed after a minute of silence and protest inside his head. “Scared that you might not feel the same way. Scared that I'll lose you if I told you that I love you.”

His eyes met yours, a mix of hope and fear. “I love you,” he finally said, his voice steady despite the turmoil inside. “I’ve loved you for a long time, and I just needed you to know and I wanted to tell you because I can't focus on anything, whenever I think of words on my music, you came in my head and I finish a whole fucking lyrics about you or how I want my food the way you prepare it for me, styling my outfits were much more accurate and amaze looking than I do.”

The rain outside intensified, creating a symphony of droplets against the car’s roof. You stared at him, not really expecting the sudden confession. Heck, in the middle of the night, middle of nowhere in a broken-down car because the idiot forgot to do pump some gas. You leaned clsoer to him. “Hongjoong. I’m not going anywhere. Literally, we're stuck here until you ring up Seonghwa and I can't believe I fell inlove with the son of the God of music.”

A smile tugged at your lips, reaching over to tuck a piece of hair behind his ear. “I love you too, Hongjoong.”

In that moment, despite the rain and the broken-down car, everything felt perfect that Hongjoong wanted to take a picture of the two of you but you wanted it to be subtle; coming up with a unique and witty way when Hongjoong pulled out his phone, in the view of his phone was his hand curled like half-heart, waiting for you to complete his heart when you, being the joker among the two of you, pull of your middle finger.

"Yah!" You laugh, forcing his hovering thumb to take the picture before muttering thousands of sorry before taking a proper picture.

[petalsnow]

divine & mine (18+)

hyunjin x afab!reader x felix

word count: 3.7k

genre: smut, fluff - 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!

18+ content and smut warnings below the cut.

warnings: non-idol au, marriage au, intended lower-case usage, poly!relationship between reader, hyunjin, & felix, threesome, swearing, alcohol consumption, oral sex (reader & felix receiving), unprotected sex (don't do this), cumming inside (don't do this), impreg kink, praise kink, small mommy kink, dom/sub dynamics, confessions of love.. i think that covers everything, let me know if i missed something!

summary: you decide to celebrate your third wedding anniversary by having a romantic picnic with lots of wine and two horny husbands.

this is a fictional story. nothing in this fan-fiction represents hyunjin, felix, or stray kids as a whole. NOR does it represent their relationships with each other.

read at your own risk.

____

three years have passed since your wedding day. over one thousand days of being cared for and adored by both of your partners.

you had met hyunjin first, he was a regular at the same library you attended every monday, wednesday, and friday. he was a stranger, but he made sure that didn’t last. as each day passed, his stolen glances grew more frequent and his proximity grew closer and closer until you both could be spotted at the same table, quietly bickering over the novel you were both reading.

it wasn’t long after that hyunjin mustered up the courage to ask you out. the library was rigidly silent before hyunjin came out with it, “would you like to come over for dinner tonight? i’ve been dying to try this pasta recipe but it feeds two and i hate leftovers.” his face turning a pale shade of red before everting his gaze from yours.

naturally, you accepted and the rest was history. you two were shamelessly in love ever since.

you two had been together for a year before you met felix for the first time.

you and hyunjin met felix during a night out at a local bar. it was karaoke night and you had enough liquid courage to storm the main stage and sing your heart out to the lyrics of “My Heart Will Go On” by celine dion. Hyunjin admired you from the table you were both sitting at beforehand, sipping on an espresso martini. to his left, stood a blonde-headed boy who was smaller than him, sipping on a beer with his group of friends. The boy was thoroughly entertained by your performance, his laugh like silk as you made a fool out of yourself.

“she’s amazing” he said to his friend, but loud enough for hyunjin to hear, which made him shift his focus from you to the younger boy.

when hyunjin laid his eyes on felix for the first time, his first thought was how beautiful he was. He quickly took note of the freckles that dusted his cheeks, and his light brown eyes.

“after she comes down, you should totally ask her out” felix’s friend suggests with a smirk and a playful shove. felix couldn’t help but giggle and nod.

“she’s mine.” hyunjin spoke up, setting his cocktail down on the table. felix snapped his head in the direction of his voice, his face full of fear.

“oh, mate, i had no idea.. i wouldn’t have said anything if i had known.” he shook his head and pled his case.

“relax, there’s no way you could’ve known.” hyunjin broke his hard facade with a polite half smile. “come sit.” he gestured to the empty chair across from him.

felix visibly gulped and slid into the chair.

“what’s your name?” hyunjin asked, leaning forward to hear over the music.

“felix.. lee felix” the blonde replied quickly.

“hyunjin,” he said, holding his hand out for a truce.

felix met his hand and shook gently with an awkward nod.

“i like you.” hyunjin admitted

felix had a look of confusion painted across his face.

“i think you’re cute.”

“.. but didn’t you just say..”

“we’re open.”

felix still didn’t understand.

“we have an open relationship, and i think you’re cute” hyunjin clarified.

felix choked on his beer.

“oh, um..” he wasn’t sure how to respond.

before hyunjin could continue, you were stumbling back over to the table.

“hey baby!!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around hyunjin’s neck. “i missed you” you giggled drunkenly.

hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh as he placed an arm around your waist.

“this is felix, we just made friends.” hyunjin said, turning you slightly to face the timid boy.

“hi” felix almost whimpered, offering a small wave.

“y/n, nice to meet you phoenix” you replied with a toothy smile.

“oh, that’s not-“ felix started before hyunjin interrupted him

“i was just asking if felix wanted to come home with us tonight, what do you think angel?” he asked, tucking a small piece of hair behind your ear.

immediately, you knew where this was headed and the realization was mildly sobering.

you looked back over at felix, taking him in completely this time, before looking back at your boyfriend.

“that sounds lovely.” you answered sweetly. “what do you think, freckles?” you cocked your head at felix.

felix looked absolutely mortified, like a deer in headlights. Nevertheless, he slid out of his chair and looked between both of you

“let’s get out of here.”

That was over three years ago, and today you are all celebrating your third wedding anniversary.

The whole thing was hyunjin and felix’s idea, they were truly the most lovesick pair you had ever seen. they were almost frantic in your kitchen, shoving expensive wine into the picnic basket and perfecting the charcuterie board for your date.

you had just finished getting ready, a flowy, snug fit sundress and a head full of loose curls. little did you know you were walking into a disaster of a kitchen.

“guys what the fuck happened in here? it looks like a tornado flew around the kitchen.” you gasped, looking at the mess they had made in preparation for your celebration.

felix was boxing up the last few finger foods before waltzing over to you to place a kiss on your temple.

“don’t worry about any of this, me and hyune will clean it up whenever we get back, mkay?” he reassured you, filling his arms with food and drinks to bring to the car.

you grinned and shook your head before reaching out to grab some of the load, but hyunjin yanked it from your grasp.

“what do you think you’re doing? what kind of husband makes his wife carry her own anniversary gift?” he looked viscerally offended. “go wait in the car my love” he cracked, shooting you a dashing smile and a wink.

you playfully pinched his hip as he brushed past you before heading to the car like you were instructed. felix was waiting outside of the car with the door ajar, waiting to help you inside with an out stretched hand.

“wow, so formal today.” you smirked, taking his hand and climbing into the car.

“always the best for our princess.” he smiled, waiting for you to get comfortable, before gently closing the door.

____

the ride was long, but only because your date was a picnic in a secluded field of flowers.

whenever you arrived, hyunjin and felix worked quickly to lay a large quilted blanket down and set up your lunch.

you thanked them for everything before sitting down between them.

you ate together and emptied wine glass after wine glass. you talked of the past and of the future, and of how much you adored one another.

“i bet if we had kids they’d look exactly like me and have y/nnie’s attitude.” hyunjin teased, propping himself up on his side while plucking grapes off their vine. He delicately placed one in each of your mouths.

“hey, what is that supposed to mean?” you gasped with your mouth full of grapes and slapped his arm playfully.

“it just means they’d be so kind and so sweet and so perfect and not sarcastic, short-tempered, or sassy at all!!” felix mocked as you landed another playful slap, now into his arm.

“you’re one to talk” you rolled your eyes as the laughter died down slowly

“in my defense, i only have an attitude around you guys if i’m trying to have it fucked out of me.” felix shrugged nonchalantly, causing both you and hyunjin to grow wide-eyed and cough at his suddenly bold statement.

“jesus, lix” hyunjin placed a hand over his mouth, trying his best to finish his last bite of food

“at least he’s honest” you added, resting back on your palms

felix blushed smugly at your reactions before picking the original conversation back up

“i would love to have children one day..” he added with shyness laced in his voice

you and hyunjin’s attention shifted to him at the sudden seriousness

“you would?” you asked sweetly

felix nodded, toying with a blade of grass near his hand

you looked over at your other husband, who then looked back at you. you weren’t sure why, but these kinds of conversations always made it difficult for you to navigate. Although you all loved one another equally, whenever it came to the discussion of starting a family, the reality of things had to be faced. Hyunjin, knowing how you are, spoke up first.

“let’s have a baby then,” he said before taking another sip of wine.

this made your heart race as you looked between both of them.

“but-“ you began and felix cut you off this time.

“i don’t care who the father is. The way i see it, we’re all three connected and we would all love the baby the same regardless.” felix offered, trying to soothe your anxious state.

you took a deep breath as the tension built upon itself.

“i’m sorry, i just wasn’t really expected to talk about this today. I apologize for my hesitation. Of course, I would love to have children with you, but only if we’re all sure.”

hyunjin and felix chuckled, sitting up.

“i don’t think we’re ever been more sure of anything in our lives, angel” hyunjin smiled before placing a tender kiss to your lips and running his hand up your thigh.

felix wasn’t far behind him, moving your hair to place an open-mouth kiss to the side of your neck as you sat in between the two men.

you closed your eyes in pleasure, melting into their touches. as hyunjin left your lips you spoke up

“what, are you guys going to knock me up in this field?” you laughed sarcastically, waiting for them to catch on. Instead, the two boys turned their attention to each other with twin calculating looks in their eyes and then back over to you.

“yes,” they said in unison, hyunjin returning to your lips and felix back to your neck.

you moaned into hyunjin’s mouth at the realization and instinctively parted your legs ever so slightly.

even though the movement was quaint, felix took note and moved his hand up your inner thigh gently as he kissed down your collarbone.

“may i?” felix broke the silence, fingers dancing dangerously close to your panties.

hyunjin broke the heated kiss at his question.

“what do you say, pretty girl?” he glanced at felix, and back into your pleading eyes.

“please,” you whined, opening your legs more for felix to fit in between and get to work.

felix hummed and tugged your lace panties down your legs, discarding them nearby. Bring his mouth to your heat, kissing your clit softly to let you know he was starting.

your breath hitched in your throat as hyunjin moved to support you from behind, your back resting against his chest as you got comfortable.

“that’s it, baby, relax” hyunjin cooed in your ear, running his hand up your side.

felix wasted no time licking away at your cunt. his arms were wrapped around your thighs, his thumb rubbing at your clit.

eating you out had to be felix’s favorite thing to do. he could spend all day pleasing you, hearing you cry out for him.

your wetness was dripping down his chin and he loved how filthy it made him feel.

“you taste so sweet” he groaned, entranced by you and the way you responded to him. he moved one hand from your thigh and brought two fingers up your heat, running them down to collect some lubrication.

“look at that, you’re in for a treat darling.” hyunjin half-whispered into your ear, brushing the straps of your dress off your shoulders to allow him access to your breasts.

felix blushed at his husband’s comment before dipping the first finger into your pussy.

felix slowly pumped his finger in and out of you while hyunjin pushed your dress down to reveal your chest. he hummed at his success and began toying with your nipple between his slender fingers.

your back arched at the new sensation and it caused you to clench around felix’s fingers.

“feel good?” hyunjin questioned, pinching your nipple gently.

“fuck, yes. you both feel so amazing.” you whimpered out, clinging to the picnic blanket that laid underneath all of you.

felix had resumed eating you out, adding another finger to fuck into you, growing more eager by the second.

hyunjin brought one of his hands up to his mouth to spit into his palm before bringing it back down over your nipple, swirling the saliva over the sensitive bud.

“hyunjin…” you sighed blissfully, arching your back into his touch.

felix had completely zeroed in on your cunt, fucking his fingers into you at a steady pace while lapping at your clit

“i need you to cum on my face” felix whined desperately, only detaching himself long enough to utter the one sentence.

you groaned at his words and hyunjin’s massage

“i’m close” you mewled, knuckles growing white from your tightening grip

“let go for us, be a good girl.” hyunjin cooed, never ceasing his movements.

that’s all it took for you to twitch and release all over felix’s fingers and his face. He wasted no time licking up anything that missed him and left a trail of kisses across your lower half.

“fuck, that was so hot” felix growled, sitting up between your legs.

“let me taste her.” hyunjin ordered, gripping the young boy by the back of his head and crashing their lips together.

You watched as your husbands made out just above your head, the remnants of your release dripping down from their lips and onto your bare chest.

you always had a lingering sense of guilt, for no reason that you could pinpoint. Both of them catered to you more than they catered to each other, and that always made you feel a little strange. you always hoped they weren’t sacrificing anything to be in this kind of relationship. But it was times like these, watching them melt into each other's touch, that you felt your heart swell, and you could relax, knowing they loved each other, too.

the kiss ended and hyunjin moved out from behind you to face you now.

“you ready for us, doll?” hyunjin asked softly, rubbing your cheek with his thumb.

you nodded as felix removed his shirt and began undoing his pants to slip them off.

“words, y/n” hyunjin reminded you, waiting patiently for your approval to remove his clothes

“always ready for you.” you smiled, tugging on the hem of hyunjin’s shirt and he wasted no time removing it over his head and then discarding his pants as well.

felix helped you lie down on your back while hyunjin positioned himself between your legs and felix positioned himself behind your head.

“you okay if i use your mouth while hyunjin fucks you?” felix asked softly, stroking his hard cock.

“of course, lixie wanna taste you.” you nod and lean your head back to make it easier on him.

he blushed at the nickname and looked at hyunjin.

“you can start, wanna make sure she’s okay before I stuff her mouth full.” felix chuckled and you rolled your eyes playfully.

hyunjin said nothing, too focused on the way you looked beneath him. he slid the head of his cock up and down your slit experimentally, gathering your wetness before pushing into you slowly.

you whined at the stretch and felix ran his fingers over your cheek, consoling you.

“you doing okay sweet girl?” hyunjin asked, halting his movements.

“yes, yes i’m perfect baby.” you nodded frantically “please give me more,” you begged

hyunjin moaned as he pushed deeper into you, moving your legs to wrap around his hips.

felix took that as his signal to push his cock into your mouth, his eyes rolling back at the warmth, slowly fucking his cock into you.

“fuck baby, how are you still so tight?” hyunjin mewled, throwing his head back, licking his lips

you moaned around felix’s cock as hyunjin’s hips sped up, your body felt like it was floating from the overstimulation.

hyunjin and felix both reached for your tits, hands brushing over each other before they both claimed one, teasing you once again.

“fuck, hyune, i don’t think i’m gonna last.” felix whimpered out to the other boy.

hyunjin was still trying to compose himself, biting his lip between moans

“you don’t have to hold on lixie, we have all day.” hyunjin squeezed the other boy’s pinkie, reassuring him.

felix whimpered, his hips speeding up, repeatedly hitting the back of your throat.

“baby i’m gonna cum, can i come in your mouth? please please, can i?” he stuttered

you moaned out in approval, back arching off the ground.

felix’s hip shuddered, his warm milky release filling your mouth, you swallowing it up without hesitation.

hyunjin’s pace quickened, fucking into you deeper and harder.

your eyes were brewing tears, gasping for air.

“y/n, i’m gonna cum. i’m gonna cum inside of you, are you ready for me?” hyunjin growled, placing his hands on your hips to stabilize himself.

“please, need you to fill me up. please hyune.” you mewled, finding felix’s hand and holding onto it tightly.

“fuck- i’m cumming.” hyunjin confirmed, landing sharp thrusts into your cunt, filling you to the brim.

felix wiped the tears off your cheeks and caressed your cheeks as you came down.

“you’re such a good girl, y/n. our perfect girl.” felix praised sweetly.

hyunjin leaned down and kissed your lips sweetly, leaving a few stray kisses on your neck after.

“did so good. you’re so good for us.” hyunjin breathed out, slowly pulling out of you.

you smiled beneath them and leaned into felix’s hand.

“can i feel you too lixie?” you looked up innocently at the freckled boy.

he looked surprised, “are you sure baby? that was a lot just now.”

you nodded, sure of yourself. “want you too.”

hyunjin chuckled at your cute exchange.

“felix, switch places with y/n,” he instructed, moving back so you two had room to do so.

felix obeyed and laid down on his back, his cock soft due to his release.

you sat next to felix, waiting for hyunjin’s instruction.

hyunjin moved in between the younger boy's legs, leaning down to kiss him.

felix whimpered into hyunjin’s lips, both their cocks growing hard once again at the contact. felix’s hands found purchase in hyunjin’s hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss.

you watched in awe, running your soft hands up the side of felix’s leg.

hyunjin let him go, smirking.

“my turn.” you smiled, leaning down to capture felix’s lips this time.

felix smiled into your kiss, his lips tasted like hyunjin and wine.

hyunjin took advantage of the distraction and spit into his palm, rubbing the lubrication over his head and felix’s opening.

hyunjin lined his cock up with felix’s hole and slowly pushed forward.

felix squealed into your mouth at the unexpected intrusion. it startled you so you looked toward hyunjin and quickly picked up on what was happening.

“hyunjin! it was my turn!” you complained, looking at him in belief.

felix became a moaning mess as hyunjin began fucking into him.

“fuck, hyung, you’re so big.” he all but screamed out.

“baby, it’s still your turn.” hyunjin chuckled “come on, climb in front of me.” he pulled you onto felix.

“oh fuck-“ felix realized what was going to happen “i, oh-fuck, i can't handle-“ he couldn’t finish his sentence.

you followed hyunjin’s guidance and lowered yourself onto felix’s length, earning a loud cry from the pitiful boy below you.

hyunjin held onto you while he fucked deeper into felix, and set the pace for you to ride your shared partner.

you toyed with felix’s nipples as hyunjin held onto you as if he owned you, biting into your neck and shoulders and your hips moved up and down.

felix was seeing stars, his eyes were rolled back into his skull and his breathing was staggered, completely encapsulated by you and hyunjin’s movements.

“lix- you’re - fuck - you’re so perfect.” you praised him, resting your palms on his chest now

“feels perfect too” hyunjin chimed in.

all felix could do was groan out, still not being able to focus on anything.

“are you gonna cum for us baby boy?” you whined, staring at his fucked out expression

he nodded quickly

“gonna make our girl a mommy?” hyunjin added.

felix squealed out and thrusted his hips upwards as he came in you without warning.

you moaned out and hyunjin did the same, finishing inside the smaller boy.

everyone was catching their breath at the same time, you picked yourself off of felix and fell onto the blanket next to him, chests heaving.

hyunjin pulled out of felix slowly and gently, making sure not to hurt him.

after a minute or so of regaining composure, the silence was broken.

“happy anniversary, my pillow princesses.” hyunjin giggled with his bunny smile, leaning over the two of you to place playful kisses on both of your flushed faces.

you and felix both blushed and wiped your faces after his wet kisses.

“happy anniversary.” you smiled at them both, pulling hyunjin down so you could lay in between them.

“i’m so glad you were horrendous at karaoke.” felix challenged and quickly hid his face, awaiting your retaliation, which immediately came after.

“felix! that’s so mean! oh my gosh!” it was hyunjin’s turn to chime in, giggling sweetly.

you laughed as the boys began to playfully fight over you. you looked over at your left hand, where a small golden band hugged your finger.

you sighed happily as their bickering continued,

you were in love.

the end.

[eoieopda]

lacuna (knj)

lacuna (n): a blank space, a missing part

In his twenty-eight years, Kim Namjoon had made countless mistakes. Most of them were insignificant and could be shoved easily enough into the back corner of his mind. The worst of them were all tied for first place, keeping him up at night.

Loving you, losing you, and now – picking up the phone. 

Pairing: Ex!Kim Namjoon x Fem!Reader Type: One-Shot (Angst, Smut - 18+ or else.) Word Count: Like, 7K (?!) Content: ex-boyfriend au; exes to something?; literally so much angst; yearning; pov switches; oral sex (f receiving); unprotected sex; p in v penetration; cursing; texts from Yoongi. A/N: For reasons unknown, I decided to break my own heart today! The lyrics you'll see below are from "Sooner" by The Low Blow. There's also a reference to one of my favorite tv shows at the end - did you catch it? (1/9/23) The sequel, Redamancy, is finally here! (3/17/23) There is now a playlist 🥲

Sitting cross-legged on the rug, your weary, unfocused eyes stared somewhere in the vicinity of Min Yoongi. Shrouded all in black, you nearly assumed he was your sleep paralysis demon, hunched over his keyboard with his eyes narrowed in thought – but you hadn’t slept much at all lately. Not with your deadline looming overhead like the sword of Damocles. 

He relayed what was already looping through your brain. “It’s missing something.” 

You scrubbed your hands over your face, too burnt out to care if your foundation stayed where it was supposed to. “I know,” was all you said, though it wasn’t all you were thinking. Listening to this demo – this crushing song about love lost – you knew what was missing.

Or rather, who. 

Once again reading your mind, Yoongi spoke with a wary sigh. This time, he said the quiet part out loud. “Listen, I know that on a personal level, this is a terrible idea. But if you really want this track to ache –” 

“I’ll call him.” 

Yoongi turned to look at you over his shoulder. He, like you, hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours; but his surprise still managed to crack through an otherwise impassive expression.

“You sure you want to be the one?” His frown was microscopic, but it was there and it bruised. “I have to hit him up, anyway, so I can handle this for you.” 

You’d never told him – or any of your friends, come to think of it – the details of your whatever it was with Namjoon. You couldn’t call it a breakup; that would necessitate a relationship. You couldn’t comfortably assign that word to this indescribable something.

But maybe that’s precisely why it hurt to breathe when you thought too hard about it. Maybe the thing that burned in your lungs was the fact that whatever it was wasn’t much of anything at all. 

The universally known narrative was that you met Kim Namjoon at a release party two years prior. After years of putting out extended plays, he was dropping his highly anticipated, full-length masterpiece.

That’s what your label called it; that’s what the press called it; but you couldn’t agree. That word wasn’t heavy enough – it didn’t give due credit to the pieces of himself he broke down and buried within those twelve tracks. You felt seen when you heard it. When you saw him, it was game over. 

As the story goes, you went home with him that night. While true, it was the tiniest fragment sitting sharp at the tip of an iceberg. The rest was an ill-equipped ship, sailing in slow-motion through the dark. 

He'd spent the entirety of his celebration focused on you. What you thought; what you wanted for yourself; what made that tipsy, uninhibited giggle come flying out of your chest. And then, holding his hand like it’d been tailor-made for yours, you followed his lead out of there while confused partygoers murmured in your wake. 

He fucked you like he knew you – on a cellular level – and he looked at you like you were all there was. You’d spent the entirety of the following day there, draped over him or nestled underneath him. You were never not touching in some way – in the little interludes of sleep; while cooking a breakfast too big for the two of you alone; on every surface of his apartment. 

He changed your life in those twenty-four hours, but not enough for it to stick. 

You’d spent as much time with him as you could in the year afterward, until your twin ambitions sent you both rocketing in other directions. Your various obligations never allowed you to be in the same place for long; and when they did, it was over too soon. No amount of time would ever feel like enough, but half a day, here and there, felt like a cosmic joke.

Like the universe was punishing you for wanting everything, all at once. 

Eventually, you came to a fork in the road. His career, though international, was rooted in Korea – home. Yours took you to Los Angeles, to a vastly different time zone, and a schedule that refused to make space. And you tried, but when it came down to choosing – idling together or racing forward alone – your respective dreams were so heavy that they tipped the scales.  

Neither of you could blame the other. After all, you’d both made the same decision. There was some small comfort in knowing that he understood you. That consolation couldn’t keep you warm at night when you’d instinctively reach out and find half of your bed still empty.

It would’ve been so much easier to live without him if there was some horrible betrayal to pin it all on, but he was as perfect when you lost him as he was when you found him. 

Shaky legs pushed you off the ground. Without meaning to, you groaned as your body returned to its regularly scheduled programming. Yoongi simply muttered, “Same,” as he made additional adjustments in his editing software.

You affectionally touched your knuckles to his shoulder as you passed by, though you quickly realized this gesture wasn’t made to comfort him. 

You shut the door softly behind you and headed up the hallway. Having kicked off and subsequently lost your shoes several hours ago, you padded in socked feet across the hardwood. The pattern – the various evolutions of Eevee – clashed so blatantly with the extravagance around you. Glancing down, you chuckled. At least some parts of you were still recognizable. 

The door to the stairwell creaked as you pushed it open and ducked inside. No longer camped out in the soundproof studio, you could hear the smattering of raindrops as they pummeled the exterior walls of the building. Somewhere between a drum roll and machine gun fire, you couldn’t figure out if the noise emphasized or relieved your anxiety. 

Gently, you lowered yourself down on a step halfway up the flight. As you stared down at your phone, your knee bounced of its own volition.

For once, you were thankful for the seventeen-hour time difference. This was the kind of call you needed to make at midnight, but one you didn’t want him receiving at midnight. It felt so much safer in daylight.

At least one of you had eyes on the sun. 

You’d deleted his number from your phone months ago because you thought it might help you let go. It didn’t. And to make matters worse, you still knew it by heart. As you typed it out easily, you wished this realization surprised you. You also wished that you’d catch him at a bad time, so you could simply leave a message. 

You’d never been lucky, though, had you?

Namjoon was half-asleep at a café table when the vibration of his phone against the wrought metal snapped him out of it. In his under-caffeinated daze, he couldn’t determine what that unbearable grinding noise was.

He could, however, see the way the elderly woman nearby was scowling at him. He furrowed his brows and blinked back at her; silently asking what the fuck her problem was. Just as silently, she pointed an angry, wrinkled finger to his tabletop. 

By the time his brain kicked into gear, he was too late. He picked up his now-quiet phone and nearly dropped it in an instant when he saw your name tied to a missed call.

He didn’t think twice before returning it – he should have – having figured there was only one way to know if he was truly hallucinating. You picked up immediately in a voice so you that he couldn’t have imagined it. He knew because he'd already tried.

“Hey.” 

People who didn’t know you often mistook the natural rasp of your voice for tiredness, but he did know you. You were beyond exhausted, more so than the last time he’d heard from you. Five months and twenty-one days ago.

This sounded like another all-nighter; like you got so consumed in creating that you couldn’t sleep until you finished. Remembering you like this opened a black hole in his chest – all this fondness with nowhere to go, collapsing in on itself, pulling.

What kind of masochist was he, voluntarily subjecting himself to this conversation? 

“Hey,” He croaked. Even his voice didn't know what to do. 

He heard shuffling on your end. You always pinned your phone between your right ear and shoulder to start — he immediately recognized the sound of your hair against the receiver when you switched it to your left side. Vanilla and honey flooded his nose despite the thousands of miles that separated him from the scent of your shampoo. 

There were a thousand questions spinning dizzy in his mind, but he couldn’t untangle them to spit one out. The longer you both remained quiet, the worse it got – and the worse he felt for his silence. Even without seeing you, he knew that your brows were knitting together. He knew that quiet made you feel too exposed. 

Namjoon cleared his throat to speak at the same moment you asked, “How are you?” His words echoed, a half-second from being uttered in unison. 

He prayed to any god that he’d stop feeling so nervous. There was no reason to be, not with you. You were his comfort zone, his safe space and – oh. Past tense.

Presently, you were – what, exactly? Could he call you an “ex” if you’d never had a title? It all felt too juvenile, hearing people whisper about his girlfriend. You were –fuck – You were home, and now his house was haunted.

A ghost. 

“I’ve been good,” he said quickly, planting a hollow smile on his face that wouldn’t have convinced you if you were there. Liar, liar, liar. “Busy. You sound –” 

“Awful?”

“– like you’ve been working all night.” 

He heard a sheepish chuckle and his clumsy, thudding heart went flying off into the void.

“That’s actually why I’m calling,” you admitted in a voice so tiny he nearly missed it, “And I wouldn’t be – I promise – if I could’ve bothered anyone else with this. This one, though… when I hear it in my head, I can’t imagine anyone –” 

“Say less.” 

It slipped out of him automatically. He couldn’t stop it. Now it was dangling there in dead air where he couldn’t reach it and shove it back down his throat. He must have said that to you a thousand times, giving you whatever you needed before you could even finish asking.

This was the first time he’d ever said it without punctuating it with a kiss to your forehead, though. And now, his equilibrium was off, like the staircase had one less step than he was expecting. 

When you finally broke the silence, he could’ve sworn he heard you sniffle, but he quickly kicked that thought back into the cage it escaped from. Your voice didn’t sound sad at all, so you couldn’t have been crying. Why would you be?

“I can have Yoongi send you what we have so far, lyrics too. If you’re interested, just let me know – verse, bridge, whatever you want.” 

“You’re with Yoongi?” 

It came out exactly as he hadn't intended – accusatory. It was no business of his who you spent time with, professionally or otherwise. And it didn’t even surprise him that Yoongi would stick around after the – whatever it was. All your shared friends stayed shared. His confusion was solely that Yoongi never mentioned working with you, let alone flying stateside to do so. 

Why hadn’t Yoongi said something? Did he assume Namjoon wouldn’t be interested in hearing about your project? Because he would - he kept up with all of your releases, even if it hurt. Was he scared that the mere mention of you would exacerbate the tailspin Namjoon was barely surviving?

Or was it something else? 

“Yeah, he got here a few days ago. I offered to send the vocals to him, but he said he wanted In-N-Out,” Your laugh, even under the weight of your sleepiness, still packed a punch. “Might be the longest trip anyone’s ever made for animal-style fries.” 

Namjoon felt like he was going to pass out, but for your sake, he tried to echo your laugh. “Sounds like he’s got his priorities in order, as usual.” 

That uncomfortable silence crawled back in and settled in the space between you. It never used to be like this. His mouth remained open as if his broken brain could think of a single thing to say. There were hours in every second that passed, but he didn’t hang up – and neither did you. 

“So, if I figure something out, I can shoot it back over –” 

You interrupted this time.

“No need,” You chirped. You must’ve sensed that his train of thought now consisted only of question marks because you dove right back in, “I’ll be in Seoul at the end of the month, so we can put all the pieces together then.” 

Please be speaking metaphorically. Please say – 

“I’ve gotta hop off now, but it was –” Your voice petered out at the end of your statement, and he didn’t know what to do within the pause.

What pleasantry would you settle on to end this conversation? Was it nice to hear from him, or did you also feel like you’d walked through the emotional equivalent of a car wash?  

It was heavy when you exhaled the amendment, hitting the ground with a thud that could’ve knocked him over.

It was torture, and it drop-kicked him into the abyss at full-speed. No light above, no hope below. A black hole that he kept selfishly refusing to close – all because he answered your call. 

“Thank you, Joonie.” 

Fuck. He was doomed.

You spent a shocking percentage of your life on international flights. It was a privilege – you knew it – to travel to the extent that you did, but it was so lonely.

If you were flying, there were two justifications. The first was the most common – touring. You’d touch down in cities all over the world, stay for a few hours, and then you’d leave again as soon as you could blink.

Your interactions were limited, either one-sided conversations from a stage; or facilitated entirely by a local translator. Never truly connecting, missed phone calls and texts sent too late to get a response. The same stale conversations with the crew that had been stuck with you for months. 

The second was less common, and somehow even lonelier – visiting a home that was no longer yours. 

It always went the same way. You’d touch down at the Incheon International Airport in your home country and feel just as foreign as the tourists bustling around you. You’d gather a suitcase’s worth of belongings and try not to think about the fact that they – and everything else you owned – once lived there, too. You’d hit customs and then, as a reward, snag yourself some boba from the café on your way out the door. 

In all those trips, you’d never once hailed a cab because Namjoon was always waiting. You’d hear him before you saw him with how loud he kept his car’s stereo, but when you did finally lay eyes on him, you’d light up like a sparkler. He’d shower you with affection – publicly, despite his usually private nature – and swap out the luggage in your hands for some thoughtful surprise. Flowers, usually, after painstaking deliberation over the meaning he wanted to convey. 

Now, you stood on the sidewalk with your empty hand in the air. 

Shortly after settling into your cab, you fell asleep. The person who would have gently scolded you for taking this risk wasn’t there to do so. Instead, you woke up stiff and disoriented to the sound of your driver honking his horn. You quickly learned that he wasn’t honking at traffic; he was honking at you with a scowl on his face. 

“Time to go! Wake up – your stop!” 

He was speaking in English, so it took you a few moments to determine whether you were dreaming. Impatient, he honked again.

Did he think you were a tourist? Was he right?

Your cheeks burned with embarrassment as you threw the door open and hurled yourself out. You ran to the trunk, snatched your suitcase, and tried not to remember that you didn't used to have to do this part yourself.

Yoongi had the foresight to give you a spare keycard before leaving California, so you were able to get into his building quickly – before you were honked at again. Spoken to in English again, like this place had never been home.

You, belonging nowhere and to no one, kept yourself together until the elevator doors gave you some semblance of shelter. 

Alone, alone, alone, you cried so hard that your shoulders shook. The mirrored walls around you showed infinite versions of you, all pitiful like you were still that little girl who’d gotten separated from her parents at an amusement park. It was incredible how you felt smaller in that elevator than you did as a child.

And fuck, did that embarrassment make you cry even harder. 

Eventually, those doors would have to re-open, and you’d have to let yourself into Yoongi’s unoccupied penthouse just to wait for his return. You were so sick of walking into empty apartments and hearing nothing but your own footsteps. No warmth, no laughter, just a black hole of your own creation. 

You chose this, you reminded yourself. This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? You were so busy chasing broader horizons, you didn't notice that the sun had disappeared. If you’d known – really, truly known – what the fall would be like, would you have taken that leap of faith? No, you think, but you did and there’s no jumping back into the airplane once you’ve dived out of it.

Ding. 

There was a post-it note waiting for you on the inside of Yoongi’s door that you would’ve missed if you hadn’t taken so much time to shut it behind you. His handwriting was shockingly neat for someone who was always in a rush. His note told you that he’d be home in two hours, that there was food for you in the refrigerator, and that you should help yourself to whatever you needed. 

The sinkhole in your stomach wasn’t created by hunger, so you pushed that down to the bottom of your to-do list and dragged your luggage to the guest bedroom down the hall.

Every inch of his place was undeniably Yoongi – monochromatic and edgy, but still so confusingly inviting. His guest room was similar in style, but with more personalized touches than most visitors tended to expect. Framed photos of friends, and the collaborators he was most proud to work with.

Your eyes eventually found one of you, beaming brightly. 

It hurt to look, but you couldn’t tear your gaze away. It was taken in a photobooth at Kim Seokjin’s wedding last spring. You were sandwiched on a small bench seat between Yoongi and Namjoon.

The former, like you, was captured in the middle of a laugh - smiling at the camera with all teeth, eyes crinkled at the edges but still sparkling. The latter wasn’t looking at the camera at all – just you, like you were all there was. 

Forcing yourself to look away, you returned the frame to its place on the vanity and kept moving. Your primary instinct was to hurl yourself into the plush bed and never leave it. But you felt stale after spending so much time traveling, and you didn’t want to collapse into those beautiful sheets until you’d scrubbed the day off you. 

Shuffling off to the bathroom, you finally remembered to take your phone off ‘airplane mode.’ All at once, the floodgates opened. The onslaught of texts, emails, and voicemails was so overwhelming that your phone froze.

When the flurry stopped, you scanned through your various inboxes for anything that might require an immediate response. Finding nothing urgent, you were about to set your phone down when you saw an email from Namjoon, addressing both you and Yoongi.

His verse, you realized as you opened it. 

I think I lost you sooner than I wanted to  And I know you can't say the same  But I can't hate you for doing what you've gotta do  Cause I'm just in bed sleeping through the pain  Do you see wasted potential when you look at me?  Of what we could be if it wasn't like this  I know you asked me not to try and change myself  But when I was with you, I felt fixed 

It took everything you had not to drop to your knees.

Namjoon was an incredible liar.

He didn’t utilize the skill often – in fact, he was usually too honest – but when he did, he could get himself out of any unwanted scenario.

In the distant past, he’d slip out of obligations made by his label to stay home in bed with you. It worked every single time. Instead of putting on some over-priced suit, wasting his breath swapping empty pleasantries with industry tools; he’d be hooking his arms around your quivering thighs, pinning you to his face as he fucked you with his tongue. 

In the present, he lied again. 

Yoongi asked, “How did it feel to hear from her again?” 

“To be honest,” Namjoon started, knowing full well that nothing he said next would be, “That shit’s behind me, man. I was surprised her number was still in my contacts, you know? She’s been a non-factor for a minute.” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes, “With the number of girls you’ve gone through in the meantime, I imagine it gets hard to keep track.” 

Hook, line, sinker. 

Namjoon offered a smirk and a shrug in response, which Yoongi accepted without further comment. The relief of being believed did nothing to cure the nausea swirling in Namjoon’s stomach, though - not just for the cruelty of his lie, but for the way he’d acted since you left and stayed gone.  

He learned early on that it would take more than fucking someone he didn't know to keep warm, but knowing better didn’t mean he did better. None of them – and there were many – could pull him from the limbo he found himself in without you. There was an emptiness gnawing at his insides that he couldn’t fill, and the more he tried, the more it tore at him.

The only thing he succeeded at was becoming someone he didn’t recognize –someone he didn’t even like. 

Yoongi pulled into his parking garage and turned to Namjoon, staking him through the heart with words alone. “Well, the non-factor is upstairs, so try to remember her name when you see her.” 

Namjoon chuckled, but it didn’t sound anywhere close to convincing. There was a flicker of doubt in Yoongi’s quickly flexed eyebrow, though he kept any questions he may have had to himself. Without a word, they clambered out of the car, and they stayed quiet until they stepped into the elevator. 

“How has she been?” Namjoon asked more quietly than he meant to. Like someone who’s scared of the answer - or worse, being asked why he’s asking. Quickly diverting further inquiry, he provided clarification Yoongi hadn’t sought. “Sounded tired as fuck on the phone.” 

Yoongi glanced at Namjoon before selecting the button marked with his floor number. “You know how she is,” He hummed. 

That one hurt. He knew how you were – past tense.

Except for that one phone call, he hadn’t heard your voice in months. He hadn’t seen you for even longer than that. Your number hadn’t changed, but for all he knew, everything else could have. All he had now was his memory’s pale imitation of you, always in sight but never within reach.

A ghost that disappeared into the walls before he could get too close. 

When the elevator door opened, Namjoon was fighting between running forward and running away. Incapable of doing either, it was Yoongi’s light punch on his bicep that prompted his feet to move. Namjoon trudged along after him until Yoongi stopped short with a groan. 

“The fuck?” Namjoon coughed as he collided with Yoongi’s back. “Don’t tell me you’re already winded, dude. I’m not giving your old ass a piggy-back ride.” 

The scowl he received could’ve scorched the Earth.  

“I forgot my fucking phone in the car.” Yoongi tossed his apartment key at Namjoon. It thudded against his unsuspecting chest only to be caught on the rebound.

Then, Yoongi pointed at the door. “Go play nice and figure out where we’re getting take-out from. I had a dream about bulgogi last night that was borderline sexual, so keep that in mind.” 

Namjoon’s face scrunched up. “I’ll be trying my best to keep it out, so thanks for that.”  

Yoongi had already turned around, waving a dismissive hand as he stalked off. 

As soon as Namjoon heard the elevator doors close, his phone chirped in his pocket and caught him off guard. He glanced down to find a text from Yoongi – who was, apparently, also a liar. 

Yoongi [18:19 PM]: fyi you always say “to be honest” when you’re about to say some bullshit Yoongi [18:19 PM]: "non-factor" my asssssss

Namjoon grimaced and shoved his phone back into his pocket before walking to Yoongi’s door with his heart in his throat.

Clearly, Yoongi wanted Najmoon to fix things with you. He’d crafted some false narrative to get himself out of there, to give Namjoon the time and space to do it. But there wasn’t a single fucking thing he could say to rebuild the bridge you’d both demolished together.

That is, if you even wanted him to try.

After unlocking the door, he froze. A full minute passed before his hand received his brain’s signal to turn the knob, and even then, his feet felt as if they were encased in concrete. If hearing your voice made him spiral, he was terrified of what the sight of you might do.

More than anything, he was scared to see how you looked at him – and he didn’t know what reaction he wanted. If you lit up the way you used to, it might kill him. If you had no reaction at all, it would definitely kill him. 

He would’ve stalled at that threshold all night if you didn’t appear in the hallway, straight ahead. You froze like a deer in headlights, one hand still on the door you’d exited from. Eyes wide, lips parted ever so slightly in surprise.

He didn’t notice the red rims around your eyes right away, but once he did, every cell in his body screamed at him to run to you, to hold you.

But he didn’t.

Touching you now only to lose you again tomorrow - well, that was a scab he couldn’t rip off again. There was only scar tissue where his heart used to be.

“Hey,” You smiled so sweetly when you saw him, but it didn’t reach your eyes. Those fucking eyes! He’d give up everything he had to erase the sadness swimming behind them, threatening to spill out. 

Why were you still so far away?

You glanced around him, noting Yoongi’s absence, but didn’t ask where he was. “I was thinking we could get something from that –” 

The longer he stared at you, the more impossible it became to keep his distance. He couldn’t stand on that doorstep with you over there, trying so hard to look like you hadn’t been crying – like you weren’t about to start again. 

Fuck it.

If he was so dead-set on re-breaking his own heart, he’d do it with you in his arms.

“Joonie, is everything oka–” 

No, nothing was. Nothing had been, not for – fuck, are his eyes getting misty? - a long time. Not since you walked out of his apartment for the last time, and he let you. He couldn’t make any of it okay, but with you there now, he didn’t give a fuck about where you were before. 

Your eyes were as big as the moon when he finally reached you, blinking your surprise up at him.

Did you really think he had any other option than to hold you? Did you have any idea how you looking at him like this - bare-faced, freshly-showered, vulnerable - demanded his immediate affection?

It felt like coming home, sliding his fingers through your still-damp hair. He could’ve fallen to pieces when the familiar scent of your shampoo – vanilla and honey – crashed over him, but he didn’t. His lips collided with yours, and for the first time in a fucking year, he felt whole.

You clung to him so desperately, you could’ve ripped a hole in his shirt. You couldn't care about that, though, because he kissed you and it was pure starlight. He kissed you hard, nicking your lip between his teeth until you opened your mouth against his.

You whimpered into him, drunk on the wet heat of his mouth, melting and falling and spinning and flying. You felt it all fall to the wayside, every second wasted without him, every text you didn’t send, every wrong turn that led you so far away. 

You didn't realize until you finally broke apart that the tears on your cheek weren’t exclusively yours. His gaze locked with yours, and all either of you could do was gasp for air - chests heaving, lips kissed swollen. If not for the arm around your back, pinning you against his chest, you would’ve floated away. But he had you, completely.  

Finally, you felt tethered. 

Your trembling hand settled on the side of his face. Fuck! That face. The warmth of his skin, the heights of his cheek bones, the gentle slope of his nose.

How many mornings did you wake up and miss it? How did you ever fall asleep without it nuzzled into the crook of your neck, without the whisper of warm breath on your skin?

You wanted to scream until the hurt left your chest, but you didn’t dare – not with that face so perfectly close to yours.  

He spoke first, “I’m so –” 

Your eyes followed your thumb as it swiped over his bottom lip, unearthing a quiver that burned you up inside. He was paralyzed by your touch. Enraptured. Leaving that clause hanging open in the air.

His eyes were wide with anticipation as he watched you, pupils dilating when you whispered. “Say less.” 

Faster than you could process, he lifted you off the ground as if you weighed nothing at all. Automatically, your legs locked behind his back; your lips re-captured his and his kiss never faltered as he carried you back into the guest room. Quickly and with a shocking display of control, he kicked the door closed without slamming it – or breaking it. 

Like so many times before, he laid you gently onto the mattress as if you were crafted from porcelain. And when he finally pulled away from you, you gazed up at him in awe.

This was one of the million reasons you couldn’t seem to let him go – the way his eyes softened when you were breathless underneath him, like you were the only thing in the universe worth looking at.

There were too many things to be said that neither of you could verbalize. You felt them all falling down around you like confetti, loose ends to be tied up later. He didn’t need to say a thing, so long as he kept looking at you like that. 

When his fingers landed at the hem of your shirt, you knew what came next. A dance you’d done a thousand times, you lifted your arms for him to pull it up and off. Still damp from your shower, the ends of your hair raised goosebumps as they chilled the bare skin of your back.  

He moved slowly and without breaking eye contact as he unbuttoned your jeans. Your zipper followed, then your jeans and underwear in tandem. The denim dragged so deliciously against your thighs as he slipped them down, down, down. As he tugged them off your ankles, you discarded your bra and tossed it aside. You were entirely bare and shivering with anticipation when his gaze found you again.

His shirt soon joined yours on the floor. Kneeling between your legs, his bare chest burned against your own as he kissed you for the third time. So many more were needed to make up for lost time, but you could feel how much of himself he poured into the kisses he’d credited you with so far. The taste of his mouth on yours was indescribably intoxicating after so much time apart. 

With you sufficiently distracted, the hands that cupped your face began to migrate. You felt so small under his touch, reduced to putty in the warm expanse of his palms. His face lowered too, freeing your mouth to moan as he placed open-mouthed kisses down the length of your neck.

Involuntarily, you gasped when his fingers pinched at one of your nipples. The curve of his smile impressed upon your throat as he suckled at the sensitive skin he found there, leaving clouds of indigo behind. 

As he marked you, he rolled and tweaked your nipples in turn. Your eyes fluttered shut and you keened while your head crashed back against the pillows, “That mouth – feels s-so fucking good.” Your fingers carded through his hair, fingernails scratching lightly against his scalp; his silence broke with a shuddered moan. 

“S’all I want, baby,” He hummed as his lips trailed down from your neck and beyond your collarbone. “To make you feel good.”  

You were trembling when he claimed one of your nipples with his mouth. Then he had the audacity to look up at you from under his lashes when he released it with a lewd pop, causing your back to arch against his chest with a gasp. There was a rumble from deep within him when your grip on his hair tightened, and the sound alone made you gush. 

“To taste you,” His tongue left a wet stripe above your navel as he continued his descent, large hands dipping beneath you to squeeze the doughy flesh of your ass. Shit - you would simply never recover from this. “To devour you until you melt in my mouth.” 

Another sharp tug at his hair, another guttural moan breaking free from your chest.

How often had you dreamed of this in your time apart? How many times did you try to remember how it felt when that timbre whispered sins against your naked body? Fuck. With those words alone, he had you on the brink. 

You whined when he pulled away from you; but it quickly turned into a gasp when he hooked his arms around your thighs and dragged you with him towards the end of the bed. Now kneeling on the floor, he ducked below your knees until they rested over the tops of his shoulders. 

Face so near to your aching core, he growled, and you felt it. “I missed this pussy –” He placed a wet kiss on your inner thigh, prompting you to clench them reflexively. “I missed the way your thighs squeeze around me while you fuck yourself against my tongue.” 

Shivering, slack-jawed, and stupid, you grabbed fistfuls of the comforter below you. He was so painfully close to your cunt and still so fucking far from you. You knew he could see how badly you craved him - you’d beg for his mouth if you had to. 

Of course, you didn’t have to - you never did.

Seconds before your impatience could drive you fully insane, he was on you, tongue flat against your cunt, dragging up against your slit. When the tip of his tongue flicked over your clit, you cried out with a buck of your hips. His grip on you tightened, pinning you flush against him as he teased you. 

“That it’s, baby. Good girl.” 

It’s a miracle either one of you could form words with how relentlessly he licked, nipped, and suckled on your throbbing cunt. All you could do was babble in response to his praise – until the tip of his tongue penetrated your weeping hole, and you screamed. 

A flurry of curse words spilled from your lips; his name sprinkled in between the obscenities. Fuck, you needed more. More, more, more. You extended your arm and reclaimed your grasp on his locks. Once you did, you began to grind yourself against his tongue until your abdominal muscles burned - you hadn’t utilized them to this extent since the last time.

His hand squeezed your thigh, goading you, encouraging you to use him the way you needed to. The pressure of his tongue increased with your pace. You had no control over the sounds you made; the breathless moans escaped you before you could think of trapping them. The coil was tightening, burning red-hot in the pit of your belly. 

So good, so good, so g – 

“Fuck!” 

One by one, your muscles tensed in quick succession until your body shook violently in his grip. Toes curling, back arching, head crashing backwards into the pillows, mewling. 

When you finally gathered the strength to re-open your bleary eyes, there were spots dotting the edges of your vision – and then there was Namjoon, fuck-drunk between your weakened knees, with a mixture of his saliva and your orgasm shining on his chin. 

Lustful eyes locked squarely on your flushed face; his tongue slid from between his swollen lips to attend to the mess you’d made of him. His panting rivaled yours, but unlike you, he was still capable of speech.

“I will never – ever – get tired of watching you come,” he sighed before wiping his mouth against the back of his hand, “You’re so fucking beautiful like this.” 

As he climbed back on top of you, he placed a chaste kiss on your sweaty forehead. “So vulnerable –” Then the tip of your nose. “So vocal –” Then, too briefly, your lips. “Perfect.” 

“Joon,” You murmured against his lips. His mouth curved into a smile at the nickname, which you used almost exclusively to win arguments, or to persuade him to do something. It worked every time. 

He nudged your nose with the tip of his as he tried to conceal his laugh. “Baby?” 

The fond look in his eyes was quickly covered by fluttering eyelids as your fingertips whispered down over his chest. They snapped open and bored into you as your fingers slid over the waistband of his joggers, tracing a feather-light trail over the bulge below. You felt his cock twitch autonomously against the warmth of your palm. 

“Shit,” He hissed through gritted teeth as you squeezed him. Eyes drifting shut once again; he rolled his hips to exacerbate the friction. His neck tensed, head thrown back, when you finally dipped under the elastic and took him into your hand. Skin to skin, burning up.

The next moan from his fawning mouth was something you hadn’t heard in his voice for months – your name. “I need you. Now.” 

In the few moments he pulled away to remove his pants, a chill crept in and settled where the weight of his body had just been.

There it is again, you thought, the feeling of having him and losing him.

When this night was over and he was gone from you, would he stay that way? Should you have gone this far, knowing nothing would be different in the daylight? 

You were blinking fast when he reclaimed the space above you. Something flickered in his eye as he assessed the look on your face, but he didn’t ask. Instead, he leaned down and kissed you so gently that you could’ve imagined it – but so completely that your brain could never have fabricated it. Not successfully, anyway.

You’d already tried. 

Breaking apart once more, he reached down and stroked himself slowly. His eyes never left yours. You both held your breath as he slid into you, millimeter by millimeter, reminding your body – after all this time – how to take him. All of him, to the hilt, until you could finally exhale.

Stretched to accommodate his width, so fucking full, you saw a way out of the nothing that had you trapped like quicksand. It was him, always. Your safe haven.

Neither of you could speak once he began rolling his hips against you. The quiet was electrified by heavy breaths and whimpers. The wet heat of your cunt squelched as your walls enveloped him, just as unwilling to let him go as the rest of you.

Over and over, he grinded into you, dragging his length across your most sensitive places; hips swiveling slightly to the side as he pushed and pulled himself through you, the way he knew you liked it. 

Open mouth beside his ear, you keened and sighed, wordlessly informing him that you wouldn’t last much longer. He was perfectly attuned to your subconscious movements, and he responded to each of them without hesitation.

He’d never need to be reminded that the fingernails digging into his biceps meant faster, and the upward tilt of your jaw meant deeper. That when your eyebrows rose above your closed lids, you were seconds away from your release. 

He remembered exactly how to fuck you through your orgasm when it came – shallow, staccato thrusts that unraveled you further as you writhed against the sheets. The spot on your neck to nip at like some secret switch, praise dripping hot in your ear like honey.

“Such a good girl, squeezing me like this,” He panted, “Taking me so well – so fucking perfect for me, angel.” 

As soon as you crashed down through the atmosphere, his movements threatened to ricochet you right back into space. You keened helplessly with your half-numbed fingers gripping any part of him where they could find purchase.

“I c-can't stop -” You mewled, “How am I s-still c-coming?” 

His response didn’t come in the form of words. His lips collided with yours hard enough to clink teeth as he drove himself deeper and deeper and deeper. Sloppy, kiss-bitten lips laying claim; relentless in their mutual need for closeness. Your walls were still fluttering around him – was this your second orgasm or your third? - when he moaned into your mouth.

Every part of him tensed above, around, and inside you as the flood of his release filled every crevice of your cunt. 

Breathing ragged, his head fell into the crook of your shoulder. Considerate as ever, he tried so hard to keep his full weight off you, but his exhaustion undermined his efforts. You didn’t mind at all – you’d re-build your home there, staying forever between his body and that borrowed bed if you could. 

But you couldn’t, could you? If you felt empty before, how could you feel whole again after this? His name etched itself into your ribcage, and now your body would never re-acclimate to his absence.

Why did you do this to yourself? 

You squeezed your eyes shut tight when you felt tears prickling in their corners.  

Everything you felt for him – over the course of two years – came crashing down over you. You buried your face into his shoulder and tried your best to keep your crying to yourself.

You’d never get his scent off your body now. 

He could sense your shaking; it forced his heavy lids open. 

“I don’t know what to do with it,” you sniffled, silently begging yourself to stop. You felt yourself shrinking under his eye. It would only be a matter of time before you disappeared entirely.

His tone dripped with concern, serving only to deepen that infernal ache in the pit of your stomach. “With what?”  

“All the love I have for you. I don’t –” You sobbed, “I don’t know where to put it now.” 

His breath caught in his throat as if you’d punched him straight in the chest. If you listened hard enough, you might’ve heard his heart break. You could certainly feel it in the way he tensed in your arms.

When he moved off you, you feared the worst – that your incessant crying overflowed the bathtub, and your admission was the toaster thrown recklessly inside. But unlike the last time, he didn’t leave - and neither did you.

The mattress shifted as he claimed the space at your side - where he should have been all this time. Strong arms enveloped you as he turned to face you, and even though he held you, he couldn’t stop you from shattering.

For a while, he let you. Squeezed you hard, stroked your hair the way he used to, let you cry out all the poison that filled the spaces in the cavern of your chest.

And when you could finally breathe again, he kissed your forehead. “I’ll trade you for it.” 

(1/8/23): Check out the sequel, Redamancy, here.

[empressdede]

Remember the time part 2

This is part two of Remember the time. Guys I’m so sorry it took forever to release, It took a while to formulate all of this together but HERE WE ARE! Part two is based off the song The Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez. Please show me some love lol. I do want to say that the OC is a black character but anyone can read. Let me know what you guys think!

Pairing: Kiyah (OC) x Jimmy Uso

Warnings: cursing, smut and a very long read.

Bold italics are thoughts, italics are dialogue during a smut scene. Red bold italics are the song lyrics

Word count: 12,840

Summary: Jimmy and Kiyah finally talk things over.

Tagging the girlies: @whatdoeseverybodywant @harlem11680 @pinkwithhearts @serena004 @raya-hunter01 @nash2023 @bluesole16 @wildwildsoul @southerngirl41 @gomussy @theninthwonder @reci1996 @theesexystallion @jeyusos-girl

You’ve got me scattered in pieces

The two stared at each other in silence, both of them nervous for two different reasons. Jimmy stared at Kiyah in disbelief, she’s been avoiding him since their last argument, and he didn’t think she would be the one to actively look for him.

Kiyah cleared her throat, “I um…” she started but she really didn’t know how to start the conversation. She knew she was probably pushing her luck, but she was getting tired of running from her blessings. “Are you busy? I can come back later If you are.”

Jimmy just stared at her, letting silence fall between them. It was almost as if he was stuck, mouth opening to speak but closing it again when he realized he didn’t really know what to say. The small smile on Kiyah’s face slowly fell as she watched him. Three months. It’s been three months since she broke up with him and standing in front of him now did nothing to stop her heart from beating like crazy.

Kiyah watched as he struggled to get anything out and she cleared her throat again. She knew that it has to be her to take the initiative. "Bianca told me you guys are starting the show, but after can we talk?" She asked in a soft tone, eyes pleading that he wouldn’t shut her out even though that’s what she did to him. To them.

Jimmy just stared at her, eyes scanning her face as he took in her emotions. The vulnerability in her eyes is what had him nodding his head in an agreement. Of course, he still cared for her; it’s only been a couple of months and how could he throw three years away in three months?

"We go on in half an hour, we can meet up somewhere to talk after in like an hour or two." He suggested. Kiyah nodded her head. Half an hour, that gives her enough time to calm down and prepare herself for the conversation she wanted to have with him.

"Okay." She agreed in a whisper. She should’ve left but she couldn’t move away from him. Damn, I really fucking missed him. She thought to herself as she stared at him. Someone cleared their throat from behind him, which caused her to look in that direction.

"I’d hate to be that guy but we gotta get him changed and go over a couple things." Jey stated in a low tone not wanting to ruin the moment between the two but unfortunately, they were on a time limit.

Kiyah nodded her head once again, taking a deep breath in. "Okay. Um… you can tell Tez to come get me when you’re done. Good luck out there."

Jimmy watched as she walked away from the locker room with mixed emotions. He really wasn’t expecting to see her so soon. Jey placed a hand on his shoulder to reel him back in. "C’mon Uce, let’s focus on the show for now and then you can handle yo business."

I know I’m acting a bit crazy, hung out a little bit hazy

Two months ago…. May 8th 2023

Bianca shook her head as she watched her cousin get ready for their family dinner. "Kiyah, just call him back." Bianca states for the third time.

"B… can’t we just drop it?" Kiyah sighed flopping onto her bed to put her heels on. "You think these heels go with my outfit?" She asked trying to avoid the elephant in the room. Bianca had left it alone when Kiyah told her that she left Jimmy, because she thought they would have gotten right back together. But when she noticed the funk her cousin was in, she didn’t know if she could ignore the pressing issue.

"Kiyah…. At your big ass age, it’s not cute to keep running from your problems."

"I’m not running from shit! I told him we were done, ain’t shit else to talk about Bianca." She snapped, turning her head towards her cousin. "He’ll be fine, better off without me dragging him down with my baggage."

"Kiyah." Bianca whispered feeling her heart break. Her cousin loved to push people away to try to protect herself and it only hurts her in the process.

"That’s what he told me B… how many times can people tell you you’re the problem before you actually believe it?" Kiyah rhetorically asked. She felt her eyes water as she relived the moments in her head. "I know I have the habit to run, but I never ran from him… not like this. But then, it’s like…. Trè said it. Reggie said it. Ace damn near engraved it in my head. And it’s always the same fucking word….baggage. Now here’s Jimmy, someone who’s really changed my outlook on love and I think its gonna be different this time around and boom."

"Kiyah you guys were arguing, this isn’t the first time he’s said something he didn’t mean out of anger. Only this time you hear something you don’t like, and you run. If you love him like you say you do, you would call him back." Bianca stressed, walking to the bed to sit next to her cousin. "You’re miserable, I can see it. You’re not eating, and you’re NOT sleeping. You miss him just like he misses you, so ca-"

"I’m scared.” Kiyah whispered, cutting Bianca off. She felt the tears running down her face and knew she was going to break down soon. “I’m scared he’s going to realize that he can find someone better than me and leave. It always happens, and I want this time to be different so bad Bianca, but I’m scared.”

Bianca lets out a sigh, she knew it would take time for Kiyah to stop running. She also knew that pressing the issue tonight wasn’t going to get nowhere so instead of replying to her cousin, she just pulls her into a comforting embrace. They’ll figure it out some other time.

_______________________________

Jimmy didn’t take their separation well either, he just hid it better because he still had to go out and perform at a hundred percent every Friday night.

It was only his brothers and Roman who knew how hard the breakup was affecting him. He wouldn’t go out to eat with them, instead he would eat alone in the hotel rooms. He’s usually very goofy when he’s in the arena but he lately he’s kept himself in the locker room, doesn’t want to be bothered.

“When they let us go home this Wednesday, why don’t you pull up on her Uce?” Jey suggested.

Jimmy just shrugged his shoulders, “I already did a couple weeks ago, she was there but she didn’t open the door. She doesn’t wanna see me Uce, I don’t wanna bother her anymore.”

“So, you just gone give up?” Jey asked, and the room became silent. Of course, Jimmy didn’t want to give up on her; but what was he supposed to do when she made it clear she didn’t want to be bothered.

“Maybe she’s just doing what she does best. If that’s the case, I say you show up one more time and if she’s still avoiding you, leave it alone.” Solo advised.

Jimmy let out a sigh as he thought it over. He didn’t want to violate her space, but he also doesn’t want her to think he doesn’t care about her anymore or is fine with her leaving his life. It’s only been a month and it still feel like a lifetime. And it wasn’t the first time they’ve went a month without seeing each other, but it was the first time they didn’t communicate with each other during that time period - it’s starting to take a toll on him.

“Alright Uce.” He decided, turning to face his brothers. “On Wednesday, Imma slide to New York and see if she wanna talk.”

The future that we hold is so unclear

Wednesday… May 10th 2023

Jimmy thought a lot about how he should approach Kiyah and what he should say to her. He thought about what would be said if she opened the door, he hoped she would anyways. He didn’t want her to think that he stopped caring, he just wanted to respect her boundaries.

Jey offered to go with him just in case things went south, and at first Jimmy had declined insisting that Jey had his own issues to worry about, but Jey wouldn’t have it. If things went well, then Jey had a hotel room all to himself and didn’t have to worry about, and if things went bad then he would be here for his twin.

Jimmy – albeit his protests – was actually glad his brother came; his nerves were through the roof, and he needed someone to distract him the entire way to New York.

"Imma order room service and charge it to yo card Uce." Jey stated over the phone.

Jimmy smacked his teeth, rolling his eyes before fixating them on the road as he drove. "See… this is why I wanted you to take yo ass to Georgia. You keep playing and shit.”

“Who’s playing? Man, Uce I’m gonna get some Steak, some loaded potatoes, probably some sprite and tell em add they most expensive champagne on the cart just because. I know your pockets can handle it big money.” Jey playfully replied, he let his laughs die down before getting serious with his twin. “Aye listen, no matter what happens tonight you know I always got your back.”

“I know Uce, I appreciate it. You still didn’t need to come all the way out here, but I appreciate you being here.” Jimmy replied. He meant it. It meant a lot that his twin was here, giving him the support that he didn’t really know he needed. “I’m almost to her crib man, I’ll call you if I need to.”

They said their goodbyes before hanging up with each other and now Jimmy was stuck in his head again. He was nervous but he wanted to see her, needed to see her. He was really hoping she felt the same.

I just hope she opens the door. Jimmy thought to himself as he pulled up to the complex where her condo was located. If she lets him in, hopefully they could talk about everything and put it behind them. And even if she didn’t wanna talk, he just wanted to hold her.

Jimmy was stuck in his head once again he didn’t realize how fast he got here. It’s almost as if his body was moving off muscle memory and he found himself standing in front Kiyah’s door.

He could hear his heartbeat thumping quick in chest and took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves before he raised his hand to knock on her door.

Meanwhile…..

“Bianca I’m not even sure this is worth it. I mean what if this blows up in my face?” Kiyah asked for the umpteenth time, her eyes glued to her phone as she sat in her car, the two cousins on FaceTime to kill Kiyah’s nerves.

Bianca rolls her eyes. “Girl go be a woman and get yo man back. We all know how much you love him, and he loves you right back okay? Stop trying to block your blessings and just go. You already know he’s home, where else would he go this Wednesday?”

Kiyah bit her lip as her eyes slit up to look at the house in front of her. Jimmy’s house. She had bought the ticket to Florida in the heat of the moment. She just wanted to see him, even if it just for a second. “I’m scared.” She whispered.

“And it’s okay to be.” Bianca assured, her tone softening as she watched her cousin through the screen. “But this can be a good thing, you’re scared because you love him and sometimes love can be a scary thing; but doesn’t his love give you a good feeling? I’ve seen you in love before Kiyah, there’s a big difference between Ace and Jimmy. Jimmy turned you so fuckin soft it was sick.” She stated teasingly to try to ease the mood.

Kiyah’s lips softly quirked up. “I’m so in love with him, it’s kinda sick.” Kiyah repeated what she told Bianca when she had seen Jimmy at her place the first time.

“Exactly! See, now go knock on his door and go tell that man you love him.” Bianca advised with a smile. “If anything happens, just call me and we’ll figure everything out, okay?”

Kiyah nodded her head. They said their goodbyes and hung up and now Kiyah was left all alone with her thoughts. He wouldn’t close the door in my face, right? She thought to herself.

“C’mon Kiyah, Now or never.” She muttered to herself as encouragement to get out of the car. As she walked up to his door, her heart started to beat out of her chest. She remembers the last time she was here, she had surprised Jimmy by showing up here and making him a meal. Now, she walked up his driveway with cautious steps because she didn’t have the same confidence as last time.

As she stood in front of his door, she took a deep breath in. Please open the door. She thought to herself in a plea as she lifted her hand to knock on the door and wait for a response.

This is a modern fairytale

Six months ago…. January 10th 2023

“You sure you’re okay?” Kiyah asked staring at him through the screen with concerned eyes.

Jimmy let out a small chuckle, nodding his head. “I’m alright baby, it’s nothing I can’t handle honestly.”

“Liar.” She claimed, squinting her eyes at him. “I’ve been watching you; you’re trying so hard to fight that limp in your leg, but I see it.”

“I’m okay baby. I promise.” He tries to assure, flashing her a smile. He appreciates her concerns, but he didn’t want her to worry too much about him; especially about something out of her control. "Where the hell are you going anyways, it’s almost midnight" He questions when he seen her get into her car.

"Gotta run to the drug store and get me some melatonin. I ran out and I couldn’t sleep at all last night." She answers, letting out a tired sigh. "I already know if I don’t take something, I won’t be able to sleep tonight either." She explains.

Jimmy watches her, see’s her red eyes and knows it’s cause she’s tired. "I wish I could have made the trip to New York but I -"

"Baby, you don’t have to explain. I already know. It’s okay." Kiyah reassures with a smile. "Plus, I know you’re probably home sick by now. Go home, relax and unwind."

"What if I sent you a ticket to come see me instead?" Jimmy suggested, raising his eyebrow as if it was something to take into consideration. Kiyah let a laugh slip through her lips.

“C’mon baby, you can’t be serious. You really don’t think you could wait a couple more weeks to see me?”

“I just wanna be with my lady, you know what I’m saying? Give her some act right and then cuddle her so she can fall asleep.”

Kiyah playfully rolled her eyes, “I know this boy ain’t just say give her some act right and then cuddle her to sleep… Babe be serious.” She chuckles.

“I am serious! This your fourth night telling me you can’t sleep. That shit bothers me for real Kiyah. Last time you went a week without sleeping, you passed out on me and didn’t wake up till three days later…at the hospital. And this happened twice, I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” Jimmy expressed, his tone shifting from playful to serious. To see her be so tired and struggle to actually sleep kills him, he’s seen it happen before and he knows how much she doesn’t like relying on medication to help her sleep so for her to be out of melatonin was alarming to him.

Kiyah gave him a soft smile. How could I get so lucky? She asked herself. She thought about where she was a couple years ago, with her last relationship. Ace never took her sleeping issue seriously, and she didn’t expect him to. But she at least thought that if she were to pass out from exhaustion that he would take care of her. But she remembers passing out at home and waking up in the same place… at home. Ace didn’t hear from her for almost an entire week, and he thought nothing about it. Jimmy though? He wanted to be her last good night, even when they were just friends. He always wanted to check up on her and make sure she was okay in almost every aspect, and sometimes she doesn’t know what she did to deserve him.

“I’m okay babe, I promise.” Kiyah assured him this time. “I know tonight, I’m gonna sleep like a baby. Now I know you got a flight to catch, so go ahead and get ready to take off Mr. Private Jet.”

“This private jet can take a detour to New York; you know all you gotta do is say the word.”

“No. You need to be home, Roman needs you. This is the perfect time to go back home and help him with whatever y’all got going on. I know you want to help me, but family comes first."

Jimmy looked at her through the screen, taking in everything. Her braids in a bun on the top of her head, and what he just knew was his hoodie. “You’re my family too Ma.” He stated sincerely.

Even if she wanted to, Kiyah couldn’t fight the wide smile that etched its way on her face. “You’re my family.” She repeats before looking up to catch the time. 12:00 am on the dot. “Go catch your flight and text me when you get home okay? You need to go rest that leg or something because you can’t keep fighting that limp and no, I don’t want to hear it. Have a safe trip and I love you.”

Jimmy nodded his head, even though he had no intentions of doing anything because this wasn’t anything he couldn’t walk off. "I will and I love you too mama. Call me when you wake up."

Kiyah nodded her head in agreement before hanging up the phone and letting her eyes close as she laid her head against the steering wheel. Her nerves were through the roof. She wanted to close her eyes for just a second, but she knew her nerves would not let relax at all.

After just a few seconds of silence she got an incoming call from Jey.

"You there yet?”

“Well damn Jey. Hey, how you been? I’m great thanks for asking.” Kiyah sarcastically replied, laughing at him.

“My bad sis. We getting ready for takeoff in about like 5 minutes so I can’t talk long.”

“Oh, well I’m here. I’ve only been here a good 15 minutes though.”

“Alright so the code to the gate is 7802 and if you look closely, I told my cousin to put my spare key under the mulch closest to the second tree by the house. It might take a while to find, it might not, I don’t know how deep he put it. But as soon as you’re able to get it, you’re in. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you, Jey. For letting me do this. I just want you to know I really appreciate it.” She wanted her appreciation to be known. It meant a lot to her that Jey would go through all this just for her.

“You make my brother happy lil sis, and he makes you happy, if I could do this just to kill two birds with one stone; it ain’t nothing. But I really gotta go, good luck setting up.”

“Thank you.” She thanks before hanging up. She took a deep breath and looked up at the threshold before her. Jimmy’s house. She’s only been here a couple times during her time in Florida and every time she was here, the place was filled with friends and family. This time she was alone, hoping to welcome him home to a nice surprise.

When she brought up the idea of surprising Jimmy in his house instead of him coming to New York like he always does – to Jey, she didn’t think he would be so quick to help her; offering her his copy of the key to his brother’s home so that she could fulfill her wishes.

Pulling forward to the gate, Kiyah placed the code in and watched it open for her. Once she pulled in, her eyes glances over the front of the house. She definitely preferred the quietness over the loud music she was used to when she was here.

It didn’t take her that long to find the hidden key, and once she was able to get inside of his house, Kiyah let out another tired sigh. She wasn’t kidding when she told Jimmy she was tired. She grabbed her bag that she packed that was next to her feet and walked in, locking the door behind her.

Kiyah let her eyes wonder around the house. She knows she’s been here before, but this feels different, almost as if she was walking into their shared space. She wondered if he felt the same way at her place. She went to find his room; she’ll just take a quick nap before he gets here.

_______________________________

January 11th 2023 …… 4:15 AM

To: Princess💍 I made it home, text me when you wake up and I’ll do the same. I hope you’re sleeping.

Jimmy sent that text to Kiyah, shoving his phone in his pants and walking into his house, letting his head fall back with a tired sigh. He was finally home.

Later in the day when I really wake up, Imma go visit Roman and help him out with whatever he needs me to help him out with. Jimmy thought to himself as he walked towards his bedroom. He trudged slowly on tired legs, ready to lay down in his bed and relax.

Kiyah felt her heart start to race as she heard him walk closer to his bedroom. She didn’t know where to stand, quietly pacing in his room before deciding to just stand right next to his bed and wait for him.

When Jimmy walked into his room, he immediately locked eyes with the person standing near his bed. Jimmy froze when he seen her, shocked to see her in his house.

“Surprise.” Kiyah softly called out; a nervous smile displayed on her face. But it morphed into a wider smile when Jimmy threw his head in laughter.

“No you fuckin’ didn’t.” He laughed out before walking towards her to wrap his arms around her. He tightly gripped her and lifted her up to spin her around.

Kiyah immediately wrapped both her arms and legs around Jimmy and let out a soft giggle. “Jimmy put me down!” She exclaimed, tightening her grip out of fear of being dropped.

Jimmy placed her back on her feet and closed the gap in between them, pressing their lips together. Warmth blossomed in Kiyah’s chest as their lips moved in a slow kiss. A small moan slipped through Kiyah’s mouth when Jimmy slid his tongue in her mouth.

She found herself leaning into the kiss, Jimmy’s lips almost impossibly soft against her own. He let both hands lower to grab her ass, trying to pull back from the kiss but when they did separate Kiyah chased his lips, pulling him back down to kiss him again.

Jimmy let’s out a soft chuckle, pulling from the kiss and looked down to admire Kiyah. But it seemed as if Kiyah had the same plan, keeping her head lifted up to stare into Jimmy’s own with starry eyes. As if he hung the stars in the sky himself.

He pecked her lips multiple times, feeling her smile and a wide smile made its-way to his face.

“You went through all that trouble just to surprise me Baby?” He asked her, voice lowered to a rasp.

“It’s not trouble. I wanted to come see you, you always come see me and I know you miss being home. I wanted to do this for you.” Kiyah confessed, keeping her voice soft as she her thumb caress the back of his neck.

“You are amazing, you know that?” He asked, his foreheads leaning against her own.

Kiyah bit her lip, “You’re even more amazing. C’mon lay in bed I know you’re tired right now.”

Jimmy lifted one hand from her ass, to smack it, pressing one last kiss to her lips before pulling away from her, he couldn’t help but let his eyes roam her body. The white color of her outfit made her brown skin stand out.

“Nah, remember what I said? I just wanna give you some act right and cuddle you to sleep.”

Kiyah chuckled, pushing him on the bed and he let himself move freely. She moved to crawl on top of him, legs on each side of his waist straddling him.

“What if I just wanted to take care of you? You’ve been moving around doing both shows, lemme take care of you.” Kiyah cooed softly, leaning forward to press her lips against his.

They both indulged in a slow sloppy kiss, Kiyah wrapping her arms around his neck once again and Jimmy wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug, pulling Kiyah as close to him as possible.

Kiyah ground her hips against him, moaning softly in the kiss when she felt him hardening against her. She could feel the wet spot in her panties grow as she continued to grind herself into him. She clasped her teeth with his bottom lip and pulled on it slowly when she pulled away from the kiss.

“Lay back daddy.” Kiyah whispered seductively in his ear, sliding off his lap.

Jimmy felt himself shudder at her tone, his eyes lowering as she moved to her knees in front of him. Her hands tugged on the waistband of his sweats, and he lifted his hips to help her pull them off along with his boxers.

Once she discarded his pants off, Kiyah gripped his length and began to stroke it with both hands. She gathered all the saliva that she had and spat it over her hands to slick them up as she continued to stoke him, she leaned forward to circle her tongue around his tip twice before engulfing his tip in her mouth.

She suckled on the tip, moaning softly against him. Jimmy’s hand gripped onto the messy bun she had on the top of her head and bucked his hips. “Damn, it’s been forever and you gonna tease me?” He rasped out.

She continued her works, her tongue circling the tip once more before she released both hands. Soon as her hands were free, Jimmy lifted his hips to push his full length inside of her mouth. Kiyah felt the tip of his dick hit the back of her throat, the intrusion almost making her gag but she withheld it sliding her tongue alongside of him.

The move made a low rumble escape from him. Kiyah let her hands push at his waist to keep him in place on the bed and started bobbing her head up and down. One of her hands came to hold the base of his dick to stroke it as she started to pick up her pace.

“Shit.” Jimmy breathed out, letting his head fall back in pleasure. The feeling of her warm and wet mouth on him was one of his favorite feelings.

The slurping noises were starting to fill the room.

Kiyah wasn’t letting up, she quickly picked up her pace and let herself produce as much saliva as she can to get him all nice and wet. Jimmy averted his eyes back down to her to watch her expertly move her mouth.

Once Kiyah seen him place on arm behind him to sag into the bed, kiyah moved her hands, one fondling his balls while the other stroked his base as her mouth paid full attention to his tip.

“Fuck Kiyah.” Jimmy groaned out as his hips jerked. Kiyah let out another moan, positioning her tongue flat against his tip and lapped at the precum that had been leaking out. Kiyah let her eyes slit up to catch his gaze one her while she lapped at his tip and pressed a small kiss to it before swallowing him back in her mouth.

His dick was throbbing in her mouth but it didn’t stop her, her hand tightened just a little as she moved her head a little faster, letting out a drawn-out moan to stimulate him a little more.

The moan that Jimmy let out was followed by a hiss when Kiyah fully took him down her throat. It was becoming too much and when Kiyah pulled back for air, Jimmy was quick to stand on his feet.

Both his hands sliding to grip onto the braids that she had at the bottom of her head and fed her back his dick.

“There we go mama, just like that.” He rasped out and began to fuck into her mouth. The more she choked and struggled to keep him all in her mouth with the speed he was going, the more it egged him on.

“Look at you taking this big dick down your throat.” Jimmy praised, Kiyah lifted her eyes to stare at him and he watched as tears came running down her face. Slobbering almost at the mouth, spit falling from her mouth and still she let him continue to abuse her throat. “That’s it princess.” He groaned out.

Kiyah felt him throb in her mouth, almost a warning and she pushed herself closer to him, taking him deeper in her mouth until his head was touching the back of her throat once again.

Jimmy let his head fall back and scrunched his eyes shut. “Fuck baby, I’m about to bust in your mouth.” He warned but Kiyah never moved. She whimpered and nodded her head in response and gripped onto his thigh as if to keep herself in place.

Kiyah forced her throat to relax just as his cum erupted and slid down her throat. Jimmy moaned loudly above her. “Fuuuccckkkk.”

Kiyah kept her head in place until he stopped cumming. Jimmy was quick to slip out of her mouth and he fell right back on the bed.

“C’mere.” Jimmy called for her but his voice was hoarse. Kiyah let herself raise from her knees to straddle his lap again.

Jimmy held at her waist, moving in to place his lips on hers, sliding his tongue in her mouth. Their tongues entangled with each other’s as they kissed messy and unhurried.

Jimmy’s hands slid up to wrap his arms around her body. The tension in the air not as charged as it was before. The slow kiss shared between them was a passionate one, changing the mood to a more sensual one.

Jimmy pulled away from the kiss to pull her shirt off and Kiyah took the chance to do the same, sliding off his lap to discard the rest of her clothes before she climbed back on his lap.

Their mouths were pressed against each other’s once again. Their bodies pressed together, kiyah parts her lips allowing Jimmy’s tongue to slip inside. Kiyah found herself leaning into the kiss, trying to eliminate any kind of space between the two.

Jimmy flips their position, so that Kiyah was laid underneath him. They broke away from the kiss with soft laughter. They moved further into the bed, once settled, Jimmy started to place butterfly kisses along her neck. Kiyah tilted her head to give him easier access to her neck, her back arching when he found her sweet spot and started to suck and bite.

The moans left her mouth freely as he continued his actions, more than likely creating a hickey.

“Jimmy.” She breathed out, when she felt him push himself inside of her. She threw her head back in pleasure when he was fully inside of her.

“Shit.” He groaned out, she was squeezing the life out of him. “You gotta open up for me Princess.” He whispered huskily in her ear.

Kiyah unclenched and he slid all the way out just to slowly push back into her, creating an antagonizing slow pace of him thrusting inside of her.

The feeling between the two being shown in the movements the two were giving each other couldn’t be identified as anything else but love. It was almost like a whiplash how fast the energy changed between the two. What had started out as something quick to pleasure her man, had changed to expressing with their bodies just how much they really missed each other these past few weeks.

Nuzzling into her neck as the pace amongst them started picking up, just a bit. Kiyah’s arms stayed around his torso, nails making dents into his back as the feeling intensified.

“Fuck baby, just like that.” She softly moaned out. He was moving at exactly the right pace and angle.

Jimmy lifted his head and pressed his forehead against hers as he continued to thrust inside of her. Her love face is what made him peck her lips a couple times.

“Tell me you love me.” He rasped out.

Kiyah whimpered quietly and clenched herself around him. She was letting the pleasure take over her body, she couldn’t find it in herself to reply.

“Tell me.” He softly demanded.

“I love you. I love you so much baby.” Kiyah moaned out as a reply.

Her moans were starting to become constant as she felt herself getting closer. His dick kept poking at her g spot.

“There we go.” He softly cooed at her, picking up his pace to help her reach her climax. “That’s it baby, let me take care of you.”

“Jimmy.” Kiyah breathed out before her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she felt herself cum.

“There we go Princess.” He praised as he continued thrust in her, he let out a groan in her ear as he felt his own orgasm approaching.

“I love you.” Kiyah repeated in a breathy moan, that was what it took to send him the over the edge. Jimmy buried his face back in her neck as he came inside of her.

“I love you too Princess.” He muttered into her neck, pressing soft kisses into her skin.

They stayed in each other's arms; the sounds of their kissing were the only thing that could be heard in the room before Kiyah pulled back to catch her breath. And that’s how they stayed until they succumbed to sleep in the comfort of their love.

_______________________________

Jimmy wakes up and stretched his arm out to feel for Kiyah. When he felt nothing but the bed, he turned to face the other side of the bed to find it empty.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, he could’ve sworn he went to sleep with Kiyah, could’ve sworn that she was here with him. He sat up and listened to see if he could hear her in the kitchen, but it was nothing. Dead silence.

Jimmy flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. If last night really didn’t happen then he was really missing Kiyah more than he thought. He didn’t want to admit it, but the distance was starting to annoy him, especially when it caused him and Kiyah to play phone tag all the time and in those moments all he wanted was to just talk to her.

In these last couple of months, the two really just wanted to spend time with each other as a couple. Since Jimmy had admitted his feelings to Kiyah just a couple months ago, he’s been trying his hardest to step up as a boyfriend and in his mind, he felt like the distance was affecting that.

Jimmy turned to look at his bedside table and grabbed his phone to see the time. 12:45 pm. He wondered if she was up.

Before Jimmy could even get to call Kiyah, he hears the front door open and shut.

“There’s not enough money in the world that could ever make me like ‘Titanic’. I’m sorry girl.” He heard Kiyah say as she walked into the house.

I fuckin’ knew I wasn’t trippin’ Jimmy thought to himself. He pushed himself to sit up once again. The sound of Kiyah’s voice out in his kitchen – because he knew that’s where she would be – made him chuckle. This was new, her being in his space instead of the other way around, it was a new feeling, but it was a good feeling.

After he slipped back on his sweats, he walked out of the room to look for the person who’s been on his mind since he woke up.

“I’m not saying all that, I’m just saying I don’t get to crying my eyes out like everybody else when I watch the movie. Then on top of that, you mean to tell me she went through all that to find a good man just to watch him die? Girl please. We either was going to be playing tag with that big ass door she was laying on or we would’ve crossed to the other side together.” Kiyah stated to her friend, Alexis, on the phone as she prepared to fix her and Jimmy a plate of some breakfast.

“That’s not the point Kiyah. Their love was a love Rose wanted to remember. Plus she promised him she wouldn’t remember?” Alexis asked, voice being heard over the speaker and Kiyah shrugged even though her friend couldn’t see her.

“I mean I guess, I’m still not a fan of the movie so ain’t no point.” Kiyah expressed, shrugging her shoulders.

Jimmy leaned against the kitchen wall as he watched her. She was taking out two take out boxes from Waffle House and trying to fix the food onto a plate.

“You just saying that because you haven’t found a love worth wanting to remember. I know Ace really did a number on you hun but not all love is like that.”

“You ever had a person come into your life and just give you the most healing love you could ever imagine receiving? A love so healing that the way you used to love isn’t how you love anymore?” Kiyah asked, tone softening as she asked the question.

Her mind immediately went to Jimmy. The minute Jimmy entered her life, she’s felt like an entirely different person. She laughed way more than she used to, and he broke a lot of her walls that she had up. Even as just friends, his love was healing, his aura was healing, and it changed her in ways she thinks to be good.

“No, but that’s the love that Rose and Jack had basically.”

“A love like that is worth remembering but its worth dying for too ya know? I couldn’t imagine pouring my heart out like she did to Jack and bear to be okay without him in a situation like that. I would’ve went with him.”

Jimmy walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Kiyah jumped at the feeling of someone touching her but relaxed once she smelled his scent.

She laid her head back against his chest and placed her hands on top of his, his warmth transferring to her in their embrace.

“Mhhmmm, speaking of, when you gone tell what’s his name you like him? You can’t just shove him under ‘best friend’ knowing you like him so much.” Alexis questioned and Kiyah just laughed.

“Girl, best friend or not he knows he my man.” Kiyah stated playfully, laughing when Jimmy tightened his grip around her, pressing kisses against the side of her face. “Anyways, thank you so much for checking up on me. I’m okay, I’m gonna be outta town for a while so I’ll call you when I get back.”

Jimmy let her wrap up the phone call, but as soon as she hung up, he turned her around and pressed his lips against hers.

“You weren’t here when I woke up, so I thought I imagined you being here.” Jimmy muttered against her lips.

Kiyah chuckled pulling away from the kiss. “When I woke up, I watched you sleep for like 15 minutes because I didn’t want to get out of bed.” She admits, wrapping her arms around his neck. “But you know I like taking care of you, wanted you to wake up to a home cooked breakfast but you didn’t have anything, so I went to get your favorite breakfast food.”

Jimmy pecked her lips one more time. “Thank you, Mama. I really appreciate it.”

Kiyah smiles at him, before turning back around to grab his plate and give it to him. “Okay. Here’s yours, I got us some apple juice to drink – go set the table so we can eat.”

Every time Jimmy seen her like this it made his heart swell in his chest. Jimmy wasn’t used to being taken care of, it was usually him playing that role and with every woman he’s entertained he’s never met a woman who made sure that he was okay or taken care of; it was always the other way around. But with Kiyah, she made sure she took care of him no matter what.

If he needed a shoulder to cry on, she was that shoulder. She never let him get pulled into the toxic masculinity bullshit, a man can express himself without being judged for it, a man is allowed to be weak too. And in those moments where Jimmy felt weak, Kiyah was his strength. She would help pull himself up and She never judged him for it. If he was having a rough week, she would take him to the spa to help him relax. Ever since they’ve been dating though, if he’s having a rough week, she’ll run him a bath. Make him a bubble bath and sit in there with him and hold him until he got everything off his chest. She also would give him a message after his bath, and they would cuddle, and they would go to sleep. Kiyah always went out her way to take care of him. Feeding him, taking care of his skin and hair, it made him appreciate her so much.

Kiyah could say the same though, Kiyah is not used to be taken care of. Jimmy did everything he could to take care of Kiyah when he could. On days where she doesn’t feel like cooking, he’ll either order her something to eat from where he’s at or he’ll pull up on her with food. Nights when she couldn’t fall asleep, he’ll sometimes fall asleep on the phone with her or when he’s off he’ll initiate a sleepover so that they could sleep together. He cared for her health, something no man has ever done before. Comforted her when she would breakdown and would help her pick herself back up. Jimmy took care of her in ways she’s never been taken care of before. It was almost impossible to not fall for him.

Both of them taking care of each other is one of the reasons they fell for each other. It made them appreciate each other more than the other could possibly think.

After eating, they both got ready for the day. Roman needed Jimmy for something at his house (his original reason for coming home in the first place) and when Jimmy came back home, he found Kiyah watching The Good Doctor in the living room.

“You cooked dinner, I thought we agreed to get takeout?” Jimmy asked as he walked towards the living room, the smell of food trickling through the air.

“I know, but when you’re with me, I always cook for you.” Kiyah replied, turning to face him.

He leaned down to peck her lips. “Hey baby.” He finally greeted with a tired smile.

Kiyah smiled back in return, pulling him to sit next to her on the couch. He’s been gone almost the whole day; she was definitely going to take advantage of the time she had with him now.

“How was it at Roman’s? Everything okay?” She asked sincerely.

Jimmy nodded his head at her, letting out a sigh. He let his head fall back again the couch to soak in the moment, he didn’t mind going out of his way to help Roman get set up at the new place he just bought. He was surprising his girlfriend with another home, and he needed someone to help him set it up.

“He’s surprising his girlfriend with a new crib, and he needed help setting up. I think he wants to propose.” Jimmy elaborates and Kiyah smiles.

“That’s good. It's crazy to think out of the three of y’all, he’ll be the one to get married first.”

Jimmy chuckled, opening his eyes and turning to face her. “Right? But he’s been in love with her for forever. Ya’ know they say when you know you know. Plus, Sophia really held it down for him when he needed it the most. I’m surprised he took this long.”

“Sometimes you want to go through hell and back with someone to be certain that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Cause when things are good, they’re good. But when things are bad, they’re bad ya know? The bad gotta be worth it.”

Jimmy let out a hum of agreement, it was something to think about for sure. Having someone to share everything with.

Kiyah watched him, a small smile engraved on her face. How could I get so lucky? She thought to herself. Her eyes catching all the small details in his face as she stared.

“What you staring at me for?”

“You so damn handsome.” She flirted, and it caused him to laugh.

“You see it, you see it!” He gassed himself up, sitting up to fake a pose. Kiyah playfully rolled her eyes at him.

“Boy, you so stupid.” She insulted, moving her body closer to his to lay her head on his chest. Jimmy moved his arm so that he can pull her in closer to him. “Let’s go somewhere tomorrow. We should make it habit of me coming here instead of you coming to New York. It’s way calmer here.”

“I don’t really care where we go. I just make the trip to your place because I like to pull up on you.”

“No, you just like coming to my house and raiding my pantry because I got better options than you do.”

Jimmy let out a chuckle, shaking his head at her. “I like coming to your house because I like being in your space.” He admits to her.

Kiyah softly smiles, tilting her head up to look at him. “I like being in yours too. I remember the first time you invited me over here; you checked me out of the hotel and brought me here to take care of me while I had covid. It was the first time anyone took me home to heal me back to health. I fell in love with Florida cause of you, ya know?”

“You cried your heart out when it was time for you go back to New York.”

“We had gotten so close I didn’t want you to forget about me. Then when you got back on the road, you made it a thing to come see me.”

“That’s why I still do. I know you real tender ‘bout certain things in your life so I try to show up for you in any way I can.”

Kiyah leans up to press her lips against his for a peck. “I love you.” She murmurs against his lips before pulling herself away from him. “Stay here and relax, okay? I know you had a long day so don’t worry about anything. I’m gonna fix you a plate and after we eat, it’ll be just me and you.”

And that’s how they spent the rest of their day together. After eating what she had made, Jimmy found himself on the floor with his head in between her legs as she braided his hair. She claimed it was just so she can have something to do while they watched the movie playing on the TV, but they both knew it was what Kiyah did when she felt he needed to destress. It was her way of taking care of her man and who was Jimmy to deny her that?

After she finished with his braids, they both decided to call it a night. In the bed, Kiyah laid her head on his chest with her leg thrown over his waist and Jimmy hands were stroking her back as they fell into comfortable silence to go to sleep. Kiyah had finally felt tired for the first time in a couple of weeks without the help of medication and she knew it was because of him. Jimmy heard her breathing slow down, felt how she was at ease to fall asleep with him being with her and the thought stayed in his mind for all of 4 seconds before he was speaking quietly into the air between them.

“Come with me on the road.” He suggested, and Kiyah, although almost finding her way to succumb into a peaceful sleep, had heard him. Silence had filled the air as she thought about it, and it was so quiet that Jimmy was convinced that she was sleep.

“For how long?”

“At least two weeks. That way I can make sure your falling asleep at night.”

It was his way of trying to take care of her and a lazy smile spread across Kiyah’s face because who was she to deny him that?

"Yeah. I’ll come with you."

Hand over heart I’m praying that I’m gonna make it out alive

Wednesday May 10th 2023

Jey didn’t really expect to see his brother come back to the hotel because he knew that no matter how hardheaded Kiyah was, he knew how much she really loved his brother. He thinks he was the first one to notice the dynamic change between the two of them.

In the beginning, Kiyah only came around them when Tez was around them because her cousin would be attached to the hip of her husband. When Kiyah and Jimmy started eating backstage together chatting it up about how much they like the fast and the furious movie franchise, when they made plans to binge watch the movie on Jimmy’s day off, it was then that Jey noticed the change.

To everyone else it came off as friendly, playful flirting even if you squinted, but Jey knew his twin brother. Jimmy was attracted to Kiyah in a way he’s seen his brother act before. But the two never crossed that line that superseded their friendship.

Until they did back in October. Jey thinks he was the first one to pick up when they did cross those lines, especially when Kiyah had visited to attend the halloween party the company was throwing. They were attached to the hip, and Jimmy couldn’t keep his hands to himself even if he wanted to. And again, maybe to everyone else it was just them being the best friends they claimed to be, but Jey knew his twin brother.

So, when he watched his twin brother walk into their rented out suit for the night with feigned nonchalant energy, Jey knew he was hurt.

“She’s not home or something, I don’t know, I don’t really care. I’m ready to call it a night, it’s been a long ass day.”

Jey watched his brother walk towards the sofa bed and plopped on it, it was then he noticed the bag in his hand. He had gone to get liquor.

“You were drinking?” Jey asked cautiously, he didn’t want to start an argument with his brother, and he knew if he didn’t tread lightly with the topic of conversation, an argument would be spurred.

“No. I bought it on my way back.” Jimmy replies, his tone monotone.

Jimmy was hurting, that much anyone can see but Jey didn’t really know what to do. He could’ve sworn Kiyah would’ve let him in so they could talk. She’s usually not that stubborn, especially not with his brother.

“Jimmy-“ Jey started but was cut off by his brother.

“I stood outside of her door for an hour, like a fucking idiot waiting for her to answer the door. I waited because I thought at first, she was gonna stand on what she said last time we talked before she folded. But she kept me outside like a dummy for an hour so now, I just wanna forget about this night, we can catch the first flight out this city because I won’t be here for no fuckin reason.” Jimmy vented, before he pulled the bottle of Hennessy out of the bag and opened it and took a large swig straight from the bottle.

Jey didn’t know what to say, so he just slid off the bed to sit next to his brother to share the bottle. It wouldn’t do anything; it wouldn’t change how his twin felt. If Jimmy was hurt, so was Jey. So, they shared the bottle to drown out the sorrows that lived in Jimmy’s chest. It wasn’t healthy but Jey knew Jimmy - he wasn’t going to do nothing else but get drunk to forget this night ever happened.

Meanwhile…….

Kiyah sat in her car with a blank expression on her face. Jimmy wasn’t there. He wasn’t home. She had thought to herself. Kiyah had knocked on his door and waited in her car for an hour to see if he just wasn’t home and was going to return but no. He hadn’t been home at all. Kiyah remembers where he would be when he was off, and he wasn’t home when they were friends.

Is he with her? Kiyah had wondered. It was a habit of his when they were friends. He would go see his ex when he had nothing to do, and he was bored.

The tears pooled in her eyes as the thought echoed in her mind. She couldn’t really blame him if he was with her, he’s tried to reach out and she didn’t give him the chance to fix things. She’s the one to break things off anyways so what he did on his free time was none of her business, but it didn’t stop the feeling of her heart being torn from her chest.

She had promised to call Bianca if things went left but she didn’t want to bother her any more than she has this whole day. She wanted her cousin to be at home, happily with her husband. Kiyah would have to deal with her broken heart alone.

And deal with it she did. Kiyah drove to the closest hotel near the airport and didn’t even get park the car for two seconds before she broke down crying. In the back of her mind, she always thought her and Jimmy were on borrowed time. With him being who he is and with what he does, she had her doubts. The doubts weren’t strong ones because any insecurity that she did have, Jimmy had putted them to rest with how attentive he was with her. But in the end, maybe he spoke some truth. Her baggage really did ruin the best thing she’s ever had. Maybe he finally realized that he could have someone better than her and left what they had where she left it and found something better…. Someone better.

What the heart wants

Present July 7th 2023

Kiyah’s heart has been beating out her chest ever since she left Jimmy to go get ready for the show. She didn’t know what she wanted to achieve with having a conversation with him. Bianca was trying to get her to go talk to him since this would be the first time the two are in the same vicinity.

“This could be your only chance to go see him. Could be your only chance to fix this mess and get your man back.” Bianca had stated to her. At first, Kiyah didn’t move from her seat. But she kept thinking it over, kept thinking about how much she loves him and how if there was supposed to be someone to be the one to do it… it had to be her.

When she had left him that night it was her who ignored all his calls, and when he had visited her a couple of weeks after the incident, it was her who ignored his pleas. He didn’t know about her trip to Florida so she knew, if they were going to have to speak, it was going to have to be her who made the first move.

It was all she needed to think before she did it. Now she didn’t know what to do, she didn’t come prepaid to talk to him. She had came because she hadn’t seen Bianca for a while and wanted to support from backstage in her locker room but now, she had to figure out how she was going to apologize to him and probably hope he lets her back in his life, even if it was just to be friends.

Yeah right.

“You need to stop trippin’. He agreed to talk right? Okay so just tell that man you sorry and how you never stopped thinking about him because you still love him and that you went to see him two months ago, but he wasn’t home, and you just wanted to mend things.”

“What if he’s already back to fuckin’ her?” Kiyah asked her cousin with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, let’s be serious. I broke it off and he could be comfortable going back to fuckin’ his ex ya know? We’ve only had been dating for six months.”

“Yeah, and knew each other for three years. Secretly in love with each other for the two years that you did know each other. Kiyah c’mon you can’t keep pushing. We don’t even know for sure if he was with his ex or not, your just assuming. You won’t know the full truth if you don’t go talk to him.”

Kiyah knew Bianca was telling the truth, so she nodded her head taking in a deep breath. She had to face reality if she wanted to get her man back. And even though every nerve in her body was lit up as if it were on fire, she knew Jimmy was worth all the anxiety because she loves him.

Jimmy on the other hand couldn’t get rid of the shock feeling he felt. Kiyah had showed up and wanted to talk.

“Aye Uce, you feeling okay?” Solo asked him, concern showing through his eyes.

“I don’t know.” He replied honestly. He didn’t really expect to see her yet, he thought he was going to be sad off the memories the city has given him and try to move on as fast as possible.

“Honest question, you still love her?” Jey asked, but everyone in the room knew the answer to that.

“Of course, I do.”

“Still wanna be with her?” Solo asked

Silence filled the locker room. But again, everyone in the room already knew the answer to that too. Jey knew that even though his brother was in shock, this could mean something for the two. Solo knew the same. Looking at his older brother, he already knew, this sparked some hope in his chest.

“I always wanted to be with her.” He admits to his brothers but shook his head. “But I don’t know what to say to her. It’s been three months, what am I supposed to say?”

“Well, seeing as she came to you, let her start the conversation. But tell her what you telling us… tell her you love her. Tell her what you wanted to tell her when we came here a couple months back.” Jey explained.

Jimmy’s heart clenched as he thought about that night, how all he wanted to do was profess his love to her and apologize and hold her until he had to fly back to work that Friday morning.

“Listen, somethings in life are worth fighting for. Obviously you both wanna fight for this, and maybe she’s showing up a little later than you want but would you rather have her give up on you fully? Is these three months worth allat?” Jey genuinely asked but Jimmy didn’t know. Is her going ghost really worth it?

The boys didn’t really have the luxury of time to do a deep dive into Jimmy and his feelings because they had to go out there and start the show off, especially after such a big win at Money in the bank.

As much as she tried to pull herself together, once that familiar music started to play on the tv in the locker room she couldn’t help but lock her eyes on the screen. It didn’t matter how much she tried to avoid him, in one way or another, every Friday, she found herself watching the second longest running television show in all sports entertainment.

But even though Kiyah wanted to watch the segment, she couldn’t watch the entire thing. Not when she had to prepare for the conversation that her and Jimmy were going to have inevitably.

“Don’t overthink it. He doesn’t hate you Kiyah, stop thinking like that.” Tez stated to comfort her and Bianca had nodded her head in agreement.

“Seriously, just think of it as two friends reuniting to make up for lost time or something. You and Jimmy were friends first, treat the situation as such.” Bianca advised and Kiyah thought about it.

Bianca was right, Kiyah thought to herself. It was never just Jimmy and never just Kiyah…. It was always Jimmy and Kiyah, and she should treat the situation as such. She’s going to apologize for hurting him because that was the last thing she wanted to do. She’s just so used to pushing, she never realized how selfish it may have looked.

But Kiyah knows where she fucked up at and she knows she has to make it up to him and for Jimmy, she was willing. Jimmy was the type of person to wear his heart on his sleeve for the right people, and he didn’t really deserve her cold shoulder. No matter how upset she was.

_______________________________

After the camera’s cut, Jimmy and Jey jump out of the ambulance and dapped each other up. “Alright Uce, gone head and take care of ya’ business. Let me know how it goes later.” Jey said as they bid each other goodbye for the night.

Jimmy had requested for a break two weeks ago so that he could really take time to focus on himself since after the breakup. Week in and week out, it him putting work first but he couldn’t really do it anymore. He needed the time off.

Now though, with Kiyah popping back up out of nowhere, he didn’t know what he want to do anymore. On his way back to the locker room, he decided he won’t think too much about everything. Kiyah was the type of girl who’s had her heart broken so many times that he’s not really surprised that she’s used to running… he just thought that it was different with him. He showed out every time that he could with her and he thought it was enough, but maybe it wasn’t. Or maybe it was if she was back and wanted to talk.

I don’t fuckin know; Jimmy thought to himself. All he knew was that if there was a chance between the two of them to fix whatever this was between the two of them then he wouldn’t shut her out. Not like he could anyways, not when he loves her much.

Plus, he couldn’t put the entire blame on her. It was him who triggered her. He triggered her flight and fight response. He hurt her when he threw her past and insecurity back in her face. He regretted it the second he said it, but it was too late. The knife had already made its way to her chest, the very second he said it. He knew he would apologize for it ten times over tonight because he didn’t mean it. He never wanted to hurt her, and he never wanted to be reason behind it either. He’ll never forget the look on her face, how devastated she was. Hopefully they’d get past it. Hopefully they would put this behind them and hopefully they could get to how they were before.

After Jimmy grabbed his bags, he had made his way to look for Tez but when he opened the door, for the second time that night he was face to face with Kiyah.

“Hey.” She greeted in a soft tone and a nervous smile.

“Hey.” He replied and silence filled the air between the two as they stared at each other.

Both of them just taking in the sight of each other, it was then Kiyah realized how much she missed him because she wanted a hug so bad and she knew they weren’t on those terms yet.

She contemplated just walking up and giving him a hug anyways. Her body yearned to be close with him.

"You ready to go? I don’t know where you want to to go but wherever is fine." He finally had spoken.

Kiyah bit her lip as she thought about her response, there was only one place in the city that she wanted to be with him.

"Can we go home?" She whispered out to him, and the silence filled the hallway once again.

Home. She had stated as if they were both living in the same place and she was ready to fall back into that solace of their shared space. Home. What they were to each other, even after all this time.

Jimmy nodded his head at her and that gave Kiyah the confidence she needed to push off the wall and wrap her arms around his neck to pull him into a warm embrace. She felt Jimmy freeze against her body and his hesitation made her tighten her grip. If this was going to be the last time they hug, she’d hold on until she couldn’t anymore.

When Jimmy wrapped his arms around her in return, Kiyah felt her eyes water. Neither of them said anything to each other as they held on to each other. Jimmy’s felt his heart swell in his chest, this was all he wanted. A chance to hold her.

They knew they had so much to talk about but in this moment, they let themselves hold onto each other.

_______________________________

The two sat in the living room, right next to each other holding each other’s hand. On the way here, the two didn’t want to be far from each other. On the drive here, Kiyah sent a quick text to Bianca to let her cousin know she’s left and will call her in the morning before placing her phone on DND so that she could give him her undivided attention.

Jimmy was tempted to light up, to ease his mind but he knew that this was a conversation that they needed to be sober for.

“I’m sorry.” Kiyah blurted out in a low tone, flexing her hand to intertwine their fingers together and hold his hand tighter.

“I’m sorry I shut you out. You don’t deserve that. And I know you’ve reached out, and I have this… I have the tendency to run when I’m scared.” Kiyah stated, her sentence ending in a whisper.

Kiyah’s heart felt heavy and she fought hard to keep her tears at bay but it was pointless.

Jimmy let her get everything out, his heart feelings heavy his chest but this conversation had to be had… no matter how difficult it may be for either of em.

“And I run to protect myself but I only end up really hurting myself in the process. And I know I hurt you because I shouldn’t have to protect myself… not with you. You were right you know?”

Jimmy lifted his eyes from his lap to look at her with a raised eyebrows looking at her in confusion.

“I do have so much baggage.” She whispered.

Jimmy felt his heart crack. He shook his head to disagree but she kept going.

“My ex left me with so much trust issues but to push those insecurities onto you wasn’t fair. That baggage was from that relationship and I’m sorry-“

“Kiyah, I didn’t mean it.” He responded, cutting her off. He wasn’t going to let her apologize for her triggers. “You don’t have baggage Kiyah, if that were the case you would’ve displayed it earlier in our relationship and you didn’t. I know what he did to you, and I know it felt like I turned around and did the same thing to you. But I didn’t mean it. I swear.” He stated almost in a plea.

“Don’t apologize because I triggered you. That’s on me and I’m sorry. I wish I never said it because I don’t want to be the reason you’re so upset but in the midst of my anger it just came out. I’m sorry Kiyah. Seriously.” Jimmy wanted this to be over, he wanted to get past this and forget it ever happened. He just wanted to be with her.

Kiyah’s eyes locked with Jimmy’s and she can see the sincerity in them. She can hear it in his voice. She believed him, it was something she forgave him for a while ago.

Jimmy lifted his other hand to wipe away the tears that were falling uncontrollably down her face.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean it. And I won’t do it again if you give me another chance.” Kiyah replied to him, eyes pleading for forgiveness. “I remember when you told me you wanted to experience all your firsts with me, and I feel the same way. You are the first person I’ve ran back to, the only person who is worth it.” She admitted.

Jimmy leaned forward to place his forehead against hers. “If you forgive me, I’ll forgive you.” He whispered to her, making Kiyah crack a small smile.

“I already forgave you.” She whispered back to him and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

Jimmy leaned forward to press his lips against hers. The kiss shared between the two was one of desperation. Desperate to show their love to each other.

The heart wants what it wants

Jimmy and Kiyah ended their night in her room. The moment filled with passion, and they couldn’t stay away from each other anymore than they already did.

They made love for almost the whole night. Whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ to each other as they shared their night of passion. It was to make up for lost time, it was to express themselves to each other, it was to show each other that their love still meant a lot to them.

When Kiyah woke up the next morning, she half expected to wake up to an empty bed but no. There Jimmy was, face almost buried into the pillow as he slept peacefully beside her.

It was the first time in three month she felt happy. The first time she woke up with her heart feeling content. She watched him sleep with a small smile on her face as she remembered last night. She hoped that those three months would just be water under the bridge, hoped it didn’t effect their dynamic of what they were.

And their regular dynamic would be her getting to make him something to eat but she couldn’t bring herself to get and leave. It was almost as if leaving the bed would shatter this reality, and she didn’t want to leave his side just yet.

When Kiyah woke up again, she noticed her change of position. Her head on Jimmy’s chest, and her leg over his hips with one of his hands rubbing her leg.

“Good morning.” She mumbled tiredly. She shifted her head to stare at him to find he was already watching her.

“Good morning.” He responded back, leaning towards her to peck her lips. “I love you.”

Kiyah felt her heart leap in her chest. She wouldn’t wake up any other way. “I love you.” She replied back without missing a beat.

They both smiled softly at each other. “I requested time off from work. At first it was so that I can sort myself out but, I think I just wanna spend my time here with you.” He informed her.

“We can go to your place too if you want. I can request some time off work and we can be on the first flight to Florida.”

Jimmy let out a small chuckle. “You’re so in love with Florida huh?”

“I’m in love with what’s in Florida. I love it here, don’t get me wrong but I love it when we’re in Florida. It’s quieter, a much slower pace than New York for sure.”

“I’m in love with what’s in New York, so I understand.” Jimmy replied and Kiyah pressed a small kiss to his chest.

Silence filled between them and this time it was a comfortable silence. There was one thing that was nagging at her, and she didn’t want to ask to ruin everything they’ve just tried to get past through. She’s not sure she could handle the truth, if it were true. Was he with her when I went to Florida?

“I went to Florida back in May.” She finally confessed, her arms tightening around him as the words flowed from her mouth. “I thought you were gonna be home but you didn’t show up.”

Jimmy furrowed his eyebrows as he thought back to a couple of months ago. “When?” He asked.

“The 10th. Tez told Bianca that he overheard you saying you were going to the airport and she convinced me to buy a ticket to come see you.” She explained and she felt Jimmy freeze. Her heart began to pick up its pace.

“It was the first time I’ve ever ran back to you. But when you didn’t answer the door I thought you-“ and Jimmy cut her off.

“I came here.”

Kiyah pulled back from their embrace to look at him. The shock was written on her face, she couldn’t hide it. “What?”

“Jey told me to come to New York to try one more time and I did.” Jimmy explained. A small chuckle ran through him. “I thought you were ignoring me when I came but whole time you were chasing after me too huh?”

She can feel the relief settle in her heart. No, he wasn’t with his ex because he came looking for her. They ran after each other on the same day.

“I probably should’ve called.” But Jimmy shrugged off her comments. He was over that. He pulls her back into him again.

“Do you remember what you said about having a love to remember?” He asked her and she stared at him.

The first time she surprised him at his house, she had a conversation with her friend about a love that’s worth dying for. A love that’s worth remembering.

“I love you and I never forgot it. These past three months all I could do was remember our love and I want to stop living in those memories and make new ones.” Jimmy expressed.

She understood what he was saying, and she couldn’t help but agree with him. Their love was one worth remembering, but their story didn’t end like they thought it did back in April. And even now as they laid in each other's arms, Kiyah finally thought, maybe this was the love Jack and Rose had that Alexis was talking about. But if it was, she didn’t want it to be. She didn’t want the love Jack and Rose had, she wants the one that Jimmy and Kiyah have.

[stcrgazings]

like a tattoo ➳ (c.l)

part two is up and you can read it here

note: sooooo I literally wrote this out of nowhere, but i like how it turned out, it’s nothing like the song really buttt it has some of its lyrics so it only seemed fitting to name it that. thx to my girly @hey-kae who was my beta reader, and convinced me to post this, love ya. happy reading and don’t be a ghost reader!

pairing: charles leclerc x female reader

summary: in which you’re having a very hard time trying not to think about your ex-boyfriend charles, and with his dnf in the first race of the season, everything seems to remind you of him.

warnings: use of alcohol, lots of swearing (mostly fuck), a very heartbroken reader, mentions of a dick-ish charles, smoking ¿?? kinda

word count: 1,5K (it’s a shortie but I promise is soooo good)

“and it’s a Ferrari slowing down guys, and it looks like it’s Leclerc” the commentator in the tv says and your heart immediately drops.

Yes, you hate him, and don’t even wanna look at his face ever again but your heart still aches for him and the way his team is failing him yet again in what is barely the first race of the season.

Your model friend turns to look at you as the stylist sips you up over the black tube dress and fixes your hair in the tight ponytail that adorned you head.

“That’s karma” says the girl besides you, as you inevitably roll your eyes.

“That’s one way to call it” you say and everyone in the room that was starting at you bursts out in laughter.

You wanted to hate him, you really did, but you couldn’t help but wanting to text him after that awful race for him.

But fuck him, right?

He had a championship to win, at least that what he said when he broke up with you cold blooded, so yeah, fuck him and his stupid unreliable little red car.

you look at yourself in the mirror and smile at the reflection, you’re pretty, the most wanted model of every single luxury brand, and you eventually will get over him.

So you say your goodbyes as you exit the Prada building after signing yet another contract to add to your portfolio, your girl best friend hooked in your arm as you both giggled softly about where you both will be partying that nigth.

“But in Monaco right?” She asks as you both enter the limousine waiting for you at the front.

“Yeah I guess” is all you answer as you manager turns to look at you both.

Your hand lingers through your phone and eventually Charles contact, you wanted to text him, but at the end you decide against it, but something in the back of your mind tells you to unblock him and so you do.

Maybe some vodka will give you the courage to text him, or at least to hook up with someone else to forget about those haunting green eyes.

“We’re going to a club” you answer, finally lifting your eyes from the device your managers face quickly going pale.

“You really think that’s a good idea?” He asks serious, you roll your eyes.

“Why?” You play dumb as your friend besides you giggles.

“Bella don’t support her!” He complains.

“I’m actually curious why not?” The model asks again, also playing dumb, the man in front of you squeezing his fists as the both of you gang up on him.

“You going out partying and getting hammered when your ex just got his ass kicked at the race, how do you think the media would react to that?”

you meant this with absolutely every bone of your tiny body, when you say this;

“Do you really think I care what the media thinks? Fuck them for all I care” You spit and Bella besides you claps and cheers and picks a fight with your manager who is clearly unhappy with your plans of the night, he lists all of the cons and the reasons you should stay at home tonight.

“It’s a Sunday y/n, for gods sake!” He says but you didn’t listen and truly did not care a bit.

This is what you’ve been doing for the pasts weeks to try and cope with what he had done to you, and you hated yourself for not just getting over him.

Because it’s not like he was boyfriend of the year when you two were together, in the last months of your relationship he barely even acknowledge you, and he had dump you over call after what it was the biggest fight of your relationship.

Because you had exploded out frustration from his constant indifference, and dick ass attitude, and then ditched the apartment you both shared together.

So naturally when when he called you hours later you thought it was maybe to fix the things between the both of you.

But boy were you wrong.

Somewhere along the lines of “you’re just a model you don’t understand anyway” and “text me when you come get your things” the person you had love the most for the longest time broke your heart and didn’t looked back.

And so you went into self defense and destructive mode and if he didn’t looked back neither did you, blocking him in every social media known to men.

And like that you were strangers with who one was your favorite person in the entire earth.

And so if you wanted to go and get completely hammered after he lost a stupid race you would.

(…)

The Weeknd was playing as you downed another shot with people surrounding you as they cheered you on.

you were pretty wasted, but you still couldn’t get the Ferrari driver out of your mind.

All that you could think about was him, how much you missed him, and how much you wanted him right now.

As you danced with strangers hand all over your body you couldn’t help but remember his.

You remembered his hands, the way you would squirm under his touch, how he would show you how the stars looked like with just his fingers, the way his hands fit practically like they were meant to be holding yours, how good it feel when they were wrap around your neck, and how he would woke you up with them as he tickle you in to his arms, the way he held you at night as you both talk about your days and how much you missed each other.

Suddenly it all feels like too much, you pushed the stranger away from you, his grab in you becoming overwhelming and you need air, a single tear running trough your cheek and you can’t breath and it’s so unfair.

It’s unfair because you’ve had the worse months of your life and he had just moved on, with who used to be one of your best friends.

(Or at least that’s what every single media outlet said)

And you probably shouldn’t believe it but you still remembered the bile coming up your throat as you stared at the pictures of them at the Paris Fashion Week.

So you sit with your head thrown back in on of the sofas of the private booths at the club, and as the air conditioner hit your face, you remembered his hands and the way the mountains looked when you took that trip to the French Alps last Christmas, and you wanted to sob because of how awful it all felt and how much your body ache for him, you close your eyes and take some deep breath, and you can almost feel his lips against yours, you can almost see the life shooting diamonds from his eyes, his beautiful eyes.

The ones that would haunt you at night when you couldn’t sleep because all you did was think of him, how he was doing, if he missed you as much as you did him.

“You want a cig? Looks like you need it” a stranger asks in front of you, you mumble a no as you can, being so lost in your own head.

For the longest time Charles was by far, in your books at least the best person in the world, always so happy and perky, his smile lighting up your days, and nights, always so hungry for life, wanting for you to know the world the same way he did, always so passionate about the things he loved, always so passionate and loving of you.

You can’t help but wonder when it all went wrong, maybe somewhere between France and Abu Dhabi, the last being the last time you remembered being genuinely happy beside Charles, because yes he had come second in the championship but you remembered the way he held you up and kissed you in the hotel room and for a moment you thought you both will be fine.

But when you reach the top, it comes the fall.

And it was all fighting and misunderstandings and misery because you just wanted to be with him but he just wouldn’t let you.

Now you were there, still falling, wanting to forget about those times when you were happy with him.

He moved on, why couldn’t you?

Sitting there you beg for the universe to help you, to give you a sign, anything really, that eventually things would change, that you would stop feeling this way, that the hole inside your chest would disappear and finally the air would feel the way it’s supposed to and breathing and waking up in the morning wouldn’t be as hard as it had been lately and happiness would return your way and things would get better.

Obviously the least that you expect is your phone screen lighting up.

Especially with the name of the one that hadn’t been able to leave your mind in the entire night.

Suddenly an “I miss you” text from Charles hits you out of nowhere like a brick in the face.

Maybe you’ll take that cigarette now.

[watchmegetobsessed]

MIDNIGHT CRUSH

A/N: another year full of fanfics behind is!! it's crazy how fast 2022 has passed by, thank you for being here all year, thank you for reading my works, for all the messages and kind words!! hope to see many of you next year on this hell site haha!

WORD COUNT: 3.6k

SUMMARY: Harry has had a crush on Sarah's sister for a long time and this year, at the NYE party he can finally shoot his shot, because she's freshly single.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

“So, what should I bring for the party?” Harry asks as he, Sarah and Mitch enter the couple’s home following their Christmas lunch together that Harry invited them out for.

“Just yourself,” Sarah smiles.

“Booze,” Mitch says at the same time, making his friend laugh.

“Got it. And who is coming?”

The three of them walk into the kitchen as Sarah grabs a bottle of wine from the fridge to pour them all a drink. Harry climbs to a stool by the kitchen island and mumbles a thank you when she hands him his glass.

“Mostly the same people we always invite,” Mitch shrugs. “Oh, and Sarah’s sister.”

Harry almost chokes on the wine, the pair exchanging an amused look, because they expected him to react like this.

“Y-Your sister is coming? Y/N?”

“Yeah,” Sarah nods smiling. “You know, she was planning to stay home, but I can’t let her celebrate alone, not after the year she had.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Oh, you don’t know?” Sarah smirks, knowing well Harry most likely has no idea what happened to you just a few months ago. “She broke up with her boyfriend.”

“Y/N is single?” Harry’s eyes are basically popping out of his head before he tries to control his face and rephrase his reaction. “I mean, what happened with them? I thought they were doing fine.”

“The dude was an ass,” Mitch speaks up, leaning against the counter. “We don’t have proof, but I’m pretty sure he cheated on her.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t working either, so she broke up with him in… what, like October? I don’t remember,” Sarah shrugs.

“Oh, wow. They’ve been together for a long time, right?”

“Three years,” Mitch nods.

“She’s been pretty bummed, so I want to get her out of her little cave,” Sarah smiles, taking a sip from her drink.

“So she’ll be at the party,” Harry hums.

“Yeah. You two got along well, didn’t you?”

“Uh, yeah, you could… say that.”

That is an understatement and all three of them knows. To be exact, Harry fell in love with you probably the moment he laid his eyes on you at Sarah’s birthday party last year, but you were happily dating Matthew who couldn’t come to the party because of a work trip. You and Harry hit it off right away and you were inseparable the whole time, he felt like as if it wasn’t the very first time he met you, like you were good friends since forever.

Finding out that you were in a long term relationship was like a slap across his face, but he tried his best to mask his disappointment. Every time the two of you saw each other he forced himself to keep a distance, but always failed and ended up falling for you even harder. He could feel his heart breaking every time you went home to your boyfriend and he knew he should forget about you, but it was easier said than done.

But now you’re single and he’ll be seeing you again and for the first time, he won’t have to be ashamed to be pining after you.

“Just make sure you don’t drool when she arrives,” Mitch teases him, to which Harry just rolls his eyes.

He was already excited about the party, but now it feels like a second Christmas, he counts down the days until the last one of the year finally arrives. He tries to busy himself during the day and not get ready at one pm for the party that starts at seven. He watches movies, cleans the kitchen, scribble down new lyrics, but nothing keeps him occupied long enough to stop him from thinking about seeing you again.

He even stalks you online, something he never does, but this time he just cannot stop himself. Though your Instagram account doesn’t give away much. Just a handful of pictures, from the past few years, only two of them were taken exclusively of you, one at a sandy beach and another one from two Christmases away, looking cozy under the tree with all the gifts around you. There are a few with Sarah and Mitch, some photos of hills, forests and lakes, Harry remembers you told him how much you like going on hikes and exploring new places.

The last post was six months ago, four hands holding drinks meeting in the air, one single wine glass emoji as the caption.

Harry wonders if you had more posts up with your ex, photos where you kiss, where he is hugging you from behind, photos that would definitely turn him into a jealous little gremlin in an instant.

It’s past three when he finally gives up and gets ready. He takes a steamy shower, even attempts to style his hair before spending an obscene amount of time in his closet, trying to find the best outfit for the occasion.

By four he is fully clothed and ready to leave the house, even though he still has hours. He feels like a total fool, roaming around the house, pretending like his pants doesn’t feel like they are on fire.

It’s past five when his phone rings, Sarah’s smiley face appearing on the screen.

“Hey, you’re driving over, right?” she asks when he answers the call.

“Yeah. Do you need me to pick something up on my way?”

“Yes, well, not something, but someone. Y/N’s car broke down, do you think you could…”

“YES!”

“…give her a ride?” she finished chuckling at his enthusiastic response.

“Sorry,” he huffs out a laugh. “I can totally pick her up.”

“Great, you’re a lifesaver. I’ll text you her address, you think you could be there at six thirty?”

“Sure, absolutely!”

“Alright, see you two soon then.”

He fights the urge to jump around the living room like a kid. A minute later his phone chimes and as he opens the message from Sarah, he stares down at the address with never ending excitement. There’s something oddly intimate in knowing where you live, up until moments ago the two of you only existed at parties and Sarah and Mitch’s wedding with lots of people around you, but now he’ll have a glimpse of the home that’s just yours.

He has a fleeting idea of getting you flowers on his way, but that would be just way too much, this isn’t a date, though he wishes it was. He’s just picking you up to drive you to the party you both will be attending.

Parking down in front of a cozy looking townhouse he gives himself a peptalk before getting out of the car and walking up to the front door. He hears the bell ring through the house as he waits for you, a pair of high-heeled feet approaching the door in a hurry and when it flies open, Harry forgets to breathe and blink.

Because there you are, in a stunning, elegant black dress, your hair pinned up, your makeup appears natural, but he notices how glowy your skin is and you gift him with a bright smile upon seeing him on your doormat.

“Hi!” you greet him.

“Hi,” he smiles, finally putting his lungs to work.

“Let me just grab my coat and then we can leave.”

He nods as you reach to the side, taking a simple black coat off the hanger and when he sees you struggle to put it on he’s quick to help it onto your shoulders.

“Thank you, you’re such a gentleman,” you chuckle softly, grabbing your purse from the side table before stepping out and locking the door. Harry can feel himself blush, even the tip of his ears are getting hot at your simple compliment.

“You look wonderful, by the way.”

“Thank you, you cleaned up nice too,” you smile as the two of you walk back to his car. “Thank you so much for the ride, I really should buy a new car already, but it’s my first car, I’m too sentimental to get rid of it,” you sigh, buckling yourself up as Harry starts the car.

“So it’s an old friend, huh?”

“You could say that.”

The ride to Sarah and Mitch’s place is filled with comfortable small talk, catching up about what happened since the last time you saw each other, but Harry makes sure to avoid asking you about your ex. He’s not sure how you stand with that situation and the last thing he wants to do is to upset you.

Every time you laugh at something he says it feels like a victory and he just wants to hear that sound every day. He wishes his friends lived farther away so he could spend more time with you alone, but eventually you arrive to your sister’s home and the bubble pops.

“Hi sis!” you hug Sarah lovingly when you walk in, the two hosts greeting you warmly.

“So glad you’re here,” she pats your back, exchanging a knowing look.

Harry is snatched away from your side just moments after his arrival and this one time he wishes he wasn’t such a good company among his friends. But he keeps an eye on your at all times, he sees you mingling, sipping on your drink and every time you laugh at something jealousy tightens his chest.

“Dude, you promised not to drool,” Mitch teases him when he catches Harry staring at you once again.

“Fuck off,” he huffs, taking a sip from his drink.

“Just go talk to her.”

“I’m trying not to be a weirdo,” he sighs, making his friend laugh. “And I don’t want to be pushy, I don’t know if she’s over her ex already.”

“Mm, don’t be a pussy,” Mitch teases him before walking away.

Harry loses track of you for just five minutes while he uses the bathroom and when he returns you’re nowhere to be found. At first he just keeps looking, hoping you’d show up somewhere, but you never come.

“Hey, have you seen your sister?” Harry asks when he finds Sarah in the kitchen, refilling the chips bowl.

“I think I last saw her going upstairs,” she shrugs.

He lurks through the guests and makes his way upstairs, not too discreetly looking for you in every room he passes by, until he finally finds you in one of the guest bedrooms. You’re sitting on the edge of the bed your heels has been kicked off and you’re staring out the window, lost in your thoughts.

“Hey, where did you go?” he softly asks, walking over and sitting next to you.

“Ah, I just… it became a little too crowded for me,” you shrug shyly. “Wanted to have a break from the chit-chatting.”

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks, feeling like he is bothering you with his presence.

“Oh, no! That’s not what I meant,” she chuckles, her hand brushing against his knee for a second, the tiny gesture etching into his memory forever instantly. “I just lost my energy for small talk, but it’s not like that with you. I’m trying to recharge, but I wish I brought some booze with me.”

“I’ll get us something,” he offers. “I mean, if you still don’t mind having me here with you.”

“Won’t you be missed down there?” you look up at him curiously as he stands from the bed.

“They’ll survive without me,” he shrugs smiling.

“Then I would love to have your company.”

God, those words are like honey dripping from your perfect lips. He quickly makes his way down, hunting for a bottle of alcohol the two of you can share. He finds a bottle of champagne, snatches two glasses and dodges every attempt to drag him into a conversation as he returns upstairs, excitement filling his chest to have some more alone time with you.

“Oh, great!” you beam when you see him holding up the bottle and handing you a glass he pours you a drink, the fills his glass as well before the two of you settle back on the bed. “Mm, this will numb me well,” you let out a tired sigh. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”

“Why? You seemed like you were having a good time.”

“I’m good at masking,” you huff out a bitter laugh. “It’s just so frustrating…”

“What is?”

“Am I so boring that all people want to talk about is my exboyfriend?” you ask, surprising Harry with bringing him up. He also can’t help a tiny frown.

“Not at all,” he shakes his head, taking a sip from his drink.

“Then why did I have to dodge questions about him like a million times the past two hours? Like… I’m a person outside of Matthew, hello!”

Harry’s unsure what to say. If you asked he would tell off every single person downstairs who made you feel like this.

You look at him with a tiny smile.

“Thanks for not bringing him up.”

“I…” he starts. I’ve had my selfish reasons, he wants to say, but swallows the words. “Just wanted you to have a good time,” he ends up saying.

The champagne bottle starts to empty out and the two of you are having a private party of your own, having a blast away from all the guests. Sprawled out on the bouncy mattress you talk and laugh and play silly little games as the clock is ticking towards midnight and the new year.

You’re definitely feeling dizzy, not drunk, but the champagne has loosened you up enough to be a giggling mess. Harry is sitting with his back against the headboard while you’re lounging across the bed, your legs tangled with his.

“Ah, I missed this,” you let out a pleased sigh.

“Missed what?”

“Having fun,” you huff out a laugh. “It’s been a bitter few months.”

“We can hang out more,” Harry suggests, his hands reaching out, gently massaging your calf. He’s been fighting the urge for a while, but he feels like you’re comfortable in your little bubble enough to allow this physical contact. You don’t move away, even let a tiny moan slip through your lips at the pressure of his touch and pride fills his chest.

“Be careful, I might end up at your doorstep every single day,” you joke.

“Feel free to do so,” he replies, fully meaning his words.

Your head rolls to the side to look at him, a soft smile stretched across your face as you blink at him lazily.

“Wouldn’t want to bother you.”

“Impossible.”

“What about when you’d want to be with a woman? Go on dates?”

“I don’t do that,” he shrugs.

“I don’t believe you,” you grin at him. “There’s no way you’re not dating supermodels and movie stars…”

“Oh, but I’m not,” he chuckles, his eyes fixated on his hands working on your calves.

“Come on! You gotta have a crush on some insanely gorgeous woman!” you tease him more, but

“It’s you,” he blurts it out, his honesty surprising the both of you. “I have a crush on you,” he then adds.

His eyes shyly move up to meet your gaze, but your face is too blank to read anything off of it as you blink back at him, lips slightly parted. A minute passes by and he starts to regret that he couldn’t hold his tongue. You then push yourself up into a sitting position, eyes still glued to his face.

“Really?” is all you say when you finally break the silence.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just blurted it out.”

“No, it’s… I just…” It’s hard to find the right words and Harry is patient with you, but a knock is heard on the door and he almost curses out whoever is on the other side.

“Hello? Are you guys in here?” Sarah’s head pops in before the rest of her body follows, taking in the sight of the two of you on the bed. “Hey, ten minutes until midnight. Are you guys joining us?”

“Yeah,” you nod, sounding breathless and Harry can feel himself deflating. The moment is gone, you know he is into you, but your reaction wasn’t quite what he was expecting.

He watches you climb off the bed and is sure you’ll just walk out with your sister, leaving him behind, but when you put your heels back on you turn to him with a warm smile.

“Come on, we can’t miss the countdown.”

He’s stunned at your friendly behavior, but he just nods and follows you, the three of you returning to the rest of the guests downstairs. The party is buzzing, everyone is excited to greet the new year, but Harry can only care about you. Both of you get a flute of champagne and standing in the corner of the room, you’re a bit awkwardly wait for the countdown to start.

Then the last ten seconds arrive and Harry’s mind is racing more than ever. Where do you stand? Did he ruin everything? You won’t even want to be friends with him? After all the pining, is this really how he had to admit his feelings to you?

He hates how quiet you are next to him, how he has no idea what you wanted to say before Sarah arrived and he would kill to read your mind.

“Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!...”

He bites the inside of his cheeks, nervously switching his weight from one leg to the other, staring ahead of him.

“Six! Five! Four!”

He can faintly hear you take a deep breath and from the corner of his eyes he can see you turn towards him. Your gazes meet and his heart is brutally hammering in his chest when your eyes flicker down to his lips for a split second.

“Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!”

There’s a heartbeat of hesitation in you before you splurge forward and press your lips against his, only to pull back almost immediately, afraid that you did something wrong. But Harry is quick to silence your worries when his hand grabs the back of your neck and he pulls you back in for a lot longer and more passionate kiss that the previous one.

He grins against your lips when he hears someone cheer on the two of you, judging from the voice it’s Mitch, but Harry doesn’t bother to check, he’s way too busy kissing you over and over again. He never even plans to stop, but you shriek out a laugh when he accidentally spills some of his champagne on you while trying to wrap his arms around your waist, coordinating with the flute in his hand.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” he gasps, placing the glass to the nearest surface instantly before he could pour more on you.

“It’s okay,” you chuckle, wiping the fabric with your hand on your hip.

“I got a little… carried away,” he breathes out with a smirk, but you just shake your head grinning up at him, your gaze lacing together with his once more and before you could even think about your actions, you push closer to him and kiss him. You simply can’t stop, you need to be touching and kissing him as if you could die if you took even just a step away from him.

For the rest of the evening the two of you turn into giddy teenagers. Not wanting to be rude you stay downstairs with the rest of the guest, mingling feels easies for Harry with you by his side. He keeps a hand on the small of your back at all times and every time your eyes meet, he can’t help but steal a quick kiss.

It’s past three in the morning when you leave your sister’s home and Harry drives you back home. The ride is silent, but it’s comfortable, the moments you shared tonight speak for you.

“Can I call you tomor—erm, later today?” Harry chuckles when he realizes it’s already the next day.

“Absolutely,” you smile and you both move towards each other at the same time, lips meeting over the console before you get out of his car. You wave at him from the front door, watching him drive away with the cheesiest, most lovesick smile on your face.

Though Harry is still buzzing from the events of the night when he goes to bed, it doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep. It’s been a long and memorable day, he needs to recharge before jumping into the new exciting year.

He has just put on the coffee to brew when his phone starts buzzing on the kitchen counter. He rubs his eyes before snatching it and checking the screen, an unknown number flashing on the screen.

“Hello?” he answers hesitantly.

“It’s me.” He recognizes your voice in an instant, eyes popping wide open and he didn’t even need the caffeine.

“Hi!” he breathes out, trying his best not to sound too excited, though he fails, because he hears your chuckle on the other end of the line.

“I’m glad you’re up, Sarah said you might sleep in late when I asked for your number.”

“I just woke up, actually.”

“Good. You can let me in then.”

“What…” he gapes and then hears the doorbell ring.

He drops the phone to the counter without even ending the call as he sprints to the door in his slippers, almost tripping on his way before he flings the front door open just to find you on his doormat.

“Well, I told you I would just show up at your place every day,” you chuckle. “Do you want to spend the first day of the year together?” you ask, noticeably nervous about his reaction, but he melts at your presence and he takes your hand before pulling you in.

“Wouldn’t want to spend it with anyone else.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[sstar-ggirl]

The Lights shine brighter when you’re there.

Pairing: Alex Turner x AFAB!reader (but u can read as wtv u want)

Word count:1081 (this ain’t a blurb ts a fic atp😭💀)

Summary: filming for TBHC, 2018 era, super cute fluff shit

Mars rambles abt things: AIGHT SO I NEED THIS MAN TERRIBLY BAD. ESPECIALLY TBHC ALEX😭. Anyways I wrote a cute little fluff fic for the first time in forever bc I had time(FINALLY) anyways I’ll try to write as much as I can.

The set was abuzz with anticipation as Alex Turner prepared to film the music video for his latest album. Surrounded by a team of producers and filming crew, he couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement for this particular project. The album was a supposed to be “a playful tune, super smooth but makes you feel expensive”he said when you asked about it. It carried a personal touch that resonated deeply with him – and he had the perfect person to share the screen with, his girlfriend, you. His most prized possession, something he wants to show off forever.

As the cameras started rolling, the set was transformed into a mesmerizing, eye catching jazz bar. The director, recognizing the unique connection between Alex and you, aimed to capture not just the essence of the song but also the genuine emotion shared between you two. The first scene unfolded in a dimly lit but well decorated jazz bar, the air heavy with the lingering notes of the melody.

Alex, dressed in his signature 70s style, met you in the center of the set, dressed in a tight black dress with a long slit in the side, black heels with gold accessories. There was an unspoken understanding between you two, a silent agreement to let the music guide the movements. As the haunting notes filled the room, you two moved with a fluidity that spoke of a deep, unspoken connection. It was more than just a regular dance; it was a dance of the heart.

The director, observing from behind the monitors, couldn't help but marvel at the chemistry on display. The raw emotion conveyed through his and your expressions painted a vivid picture of love and longing. The first scene wrapped, leaving everyone on set with a sense of anticipation for what was to come.

During a break, Alex and you found a quiet corner to steal a moment away from the commotion. You two shared a deep hug and kiss, acknowledging the magic that was created by you two. As you two broke from the kiss, Alex couldn't help but express his gratitude for having you by his side.

"(Y/N), you brought something special to this video, in fact this whole album – something only you could inspire. It's like the songs, the lyrics, the melodies come to life when you're here, or at home or sitting in the studio waiting for me to wrap up. You are truly the muse for my art." he confessed, his eyes reflecting sincerity.

You grinned and blushed, "Well, I happen to think your music brings out the best in me too, Alex. This is a great masterpiece in every sense."

As the day progressed, the scenes became more diverse, each one telling a different chapter of the song's story. From a rooftop overlooking the casino to a dimly lit jazz bar to the pool setting, the couple seamlessly transitioned from one setting to another, their connection intensifying with each passing frame.

The highlight of the video was a sequence where Alex and you found yourselves dancing under a canopy of fairy lights. The soft glow accentuated the tenderness in your movements, creating a visual poetry that mirrored the song's emotional depth. The crew watched in awe as the couple moved through the enchanting scene, your silhouettes etched against the twinkling lights.

As the day drew to a close, the final scene approached. The director wanted to capture an intimate moment between Alex and you that would serve as the emotional climax of the video. The setting was a quiet, candlelit room – a metaphorical space where their love could unfold without any distractions. A safe haven that hides all troubles and shows your true self to eachother.

The room was adorned with vintage furniture and flickering candles, casting a warm glow on as you two stood face to face. The soft strains of the song echoed in the background, creating a cocoon of intimacy around you. The director, satisfied with the day's work, whispered instructions to the cinematographer, signaling the start of the final scene.

With a subtle nod, the cameras began to roll, capturing the delicate nuances of the couple's expressions. Alex gently reached for your hand, his touch conveying a silent reassurance. His eyes locked, and in that moment, the world outside the set ceased to exist. It was just the two of them, immersed in the emotions the song evoked.

As the lyrics unfolded, Alex sang with a soul-stirring resonance, his voice intertwining with yours in a beautiful harmony. The vulnerability in your eyes told a story of love, heartbreak, and the unspoken promise of togetherness. The director, realizing the magic happening before him, chose to let the scene unfold organically, without interrupting the flow.

The room seemed to disappear, replaced by a realm where only your emotions mattered. Alex's thumb traced gentle circles on your hand, a silent gesture of comfort. Your closeness spoke volumes, transcending the scripted nature of the scene. It was a genuine moment, an unfiltered expression of the love they shared.

As the last notes of the song lingered in the air, the director called for a cut. The crew erupted into applause, acknowledging the authenticity and beauty captured in that final scene. Alex momentarily pulled out of that intimate bubble, shared a knowing smile, proud of the art you two had created together. You couldn’t stop staring at him falling deep in love within each second.

With the filming wrapped, the couple found themselves outside the studio, bathed in the soft glow of the evening. The air was crisp, and the city lights twinkled in the distance. They walked hand in hand, reflecting on the day's journey.

"I can't believe we did it," you exclaimed, your eyes sparkling with a mix of joy and exhaustion. Alex grinned, "It was magical, wasn't it? Having you by my side made it even more special. You’re really a present full of surprises aren’t you"

Later on, after leaving set, you two continued to stroll through the quiet streets, savoring the post-production bliss. The city seemed to have slowed down just for them, allowing them to relish the shared triumph. The music video, a testament to their love and collaboration, was destined to become a visual masterpiece.

Days later, as the video premiered to the world, fans and critics alike were captivated by the palpable chemistry between Alex Turner and you, (Y/N) (L/N). The comments flooded in, praising not only the song but also the genuine connection that elevated the video to a realm beyond ordinary music visuals.

In interviews, Alex and you shared snippets of their experience, emphasizing the organic nature of the collaboration. The music video, now a symbol of their artistic minds, resonated with audiences on a profound level, leaving an indelible mark on the hearts of those who watched it.

As the applause echoed and the views skyrocketed, Alex couldn't help but feel a sense of fulfillment. His journey- no Your journey together, from the studio to the screen, had not only produced a beautiful piece of art but had also strengthened the bond between eachother. The music video became a cherished chapter in your love story, a visual representation of the magic that happens when two hearts beat in perfect harmony.

[littlethingsinlife]

Happier

A/N: I had this idea while I was listening to some music and I guess I was feeling some type of way. P.s. I couldn’t find a clearer picture (rn my source of pics is pinterest lol). A little bit of a warning, I’m INCREDIBLY rusty when it comes to writing as I haven’t done it in awhile. This songfic is inspired by Olivia Rodrigo’s “happier” but it doesn’t really follow the lyrics word for word. Anyway I’m really hoping that it’s not hard to read. I hope you enjoy~

Pairing(s): Lo’ak x Tsireya, Past Lo’ak x Omaticayan!Reader 

Warning(s): None :DD Except for the writer is REALLY rusty when it comes to writing fanfic. The formatting might be a little wonky cause I copied and pasted from google doc. 

Word Count: 4,990 

More Info: The same old trope where the reader is orphaned and was taken in by the Sully’s which is why there were no questions asked she’s coming with. Also the storyline is not really in chronological order with what happened in the actual movie. There will be scenes pulled from the movie but placed where I think it would fit the best :’D

Summary: Traveling with the Sully’s to Awa’atlu was supposed to bring comfort and dissipate the fears of losing your loved one, not break your heart in two.

Part 2: i’m sorry

Key: 

(Y/N) = Your Name 

Lyrics = Bolded Italics 

Flashbacks = Italics

Na’vi Words: 

Yimkxa - Banshee Catcher 

Txe’lan - Heart

Uturu - Tradition of granting refugees sanctuary  

Marui - Pods where the clan live

Tsaheylu - Bond 

Olo’eyktan - Clan leader 

Tsahik - Spiritual leader 

Skxawng - Idiot

We broke up a month ago

Your friends are mine, you know, I know

You’ve moved on, found someone new

One more girl who brings out the better in you

We arrived in Awa’atlu a month ago. When I think about it, it pains me a great deal to have left all that I knew behind, but it would’ve killed me if they left without me, if he was no longer there, even if the forest will forever be my home it would’ve felt desolate without him and the light he would bring along with him. Oh how foolish I was to think that them leaving would be the only thing to tear my heart in two. 

The night before Tarsem became the new Olo’eyktan and the Sully’s and I would begin our journey for uturu, I cried, cried in the arms of my best friend and my first love as fears and uncertainty overwhelmed me. 

“I-I am afraid, what if the sky people come to find us again? I cannot lose any of you; it would break me into a million pieces,” I sobbed. 

“If they find us then we will fight and we will win,” Lo’ak declared as he softly rocked me back and forth in his arms. 

“You are an idiot, I was so close to losing you, to losing Kiri, Tuk, how do you think it would make me feel to lose the most important people in my life?” I sniffled. 

“(Y/N), sweet girl, you will not lose us, we will always be there for you. Do not worry your pretty head over such things, I promise that I will be with you all throughout the journey as will my family. We love you, and even if you do not believe it, you are a Sully. And you know what my dad always says.” 

“Sullys stick together,” we chorused. 

That night, he stayed cradling me in his arms until I fell asleep, whispering comforting words and giving occasional kisses to the top of my head. 

The entire journey was rough. Days seemed to blend together as we flew through the skies on our ikran. We were all quiet at the beginning as we mourned the loss of our home. But by the end of it all Kiri, Lo’ak and I found ways to entertain ourselves by telling jokes and playing a game called “I spy” that Jake taught us when he got tired of the three of us bumping ikran with one another. As we approached the village, a horn was blown to announce our arrival to the village. One by one, we all landed and dismounted our ikran. 

Jake stepped forwards with his hands in the air as a means to show we came in peace. As a large group of Metkayina surrounded us, I instinctively stepped closer to Lo’ak and Neteyam. Looking around, I could see the differences between us, our skin was darker, tails much skinnier, and their eyes were much larger. My tail whipped excitedly as I looked around, but before I was able to tell Lo’ak about any of my observations, two boys around our age started to walk towards us. Out of respect, Lo’ak, Neteyam and I greeted them properly. The teenage boys, however, turned a blind eye and began to make fun of our physical appearances. 

“Is that supposed to be a tail?” The short one laughed.

My eyes narrowed as I followed their movement and was ready to hiss, hackles raised, when Neteyam put a hand on my shoulder and quickly shook his head. Hesitantly my tail fell at the silent order. 

“Why are you so quiet? Lo’a-” I whispered as I turned around to see Lo’ak staring wide-eyed.  “What’re you staring at?” I mumbled as I followed his gaze.  

A beautiful Metkayina girl walked out of the water towards us. As she got closer, Lo’ak let out a meek hello and was rewarded with a shy giggle while an unknown ache in my chest consumed me. 

And I thought my heart was detached 

From all the sunlight of our past

But she’s so sweet, she’s so pretty 

Does she mean you forgot about me? 

Her name was Tsireya, the daughter of Olo’eyktan and Tsahik. Her brother Ao’nung and her are meant to teach us their clan's ways so we are not burdened by being “useless.” Our first lesson was to learn how to breathe properly. 

So there we all were, sitting in a circle while Rotxo, Ao’nung’s friend, and Tsireya tried to teach us to breathe from our stomachs not our lungs as it didn’t supply us enough air to dive deep enough. I sat between Neteyam and Lo’ak while Kiri was across from me. 

My eyes were closed as I tried to focus, ears twitching as Lo’ak playfully swatted my back with his tail. A small smile found its way onto my face as my tail lightly swatted him back.

“Lo’ak you are not breathing properly. Let me show you,” Tsireya scolded. Slowly my smile dropped and I opened my eyes to Tsireya putting her hand over Lo’ak’s heart and stomach.“Your heartbeat is fast. Try to focus,” Tsireya advised, demonstrating how slow we should be breathing herself. 

“Right, sorry,” Lo’ak apologized. 

I could faintly hear Neteyam and Rotxo unsuccessfully try to hold back a laugh as I closed my eyes to try to calm my mind and heart from breaking further. Unbeknownst me, a pair of eyes full of pity were on me the entire time, seeing my ears flatten and my demeanor shrink. 

Oh, I hope you’re happy 

But not like how you were with me

I’m selfish, I know, I can’t let you go

So find someone great, but don’t find no one better 

I hope you’re happy but don’t be happier 

The last two weeks had been peaceful, same routine but I had barely been able to see Lo’ak. He was always gone early in the morning and was there for lessons, but he would leave with Tsireya as soon as we were done. Even though it was our day off from lessons I hadn’t seen him at all. Maybe it was because I had been sticking to Kiri most of the day, but the lack of his presence left me feeling empty. 

Although it really was relaxing to hear the waves crash softly and to sunbathe, it appeared that Eywa had plans of her own as the moment of calm barely lasted before the sound of crunching sand and laughter came closer. My ears twitched as I slowly sat up. Looking to my side I saw Ao’nung and his group of skxawng heading towards Kiri. Narrowing my eyes I stood up quickly and headed over to where she was, but they made it there before me. 

“What is she doing? She’s just looking at the sand” Ao’nung laughed. 

“What? What’d you say?” Kiri questioned slowly, getting out of the water with a confused smile on her face. 

“Are you some kind of… freak?” Ao’nung teased as his friends laughed. 

“Leave her alone Ao’nung. She is no freak,” I hissed, grabbing Kiri’s arm to leave. “Let’s go, Kiri.'' 

“Are you sure? Look at these hands.” he persisted and grabbed the offending hands in question. 

“Ao’nung plea-” 

“Hey! Back off fish lips.” Lo’ak yelled, rapidly approaching as the beginnings of a snarl was already forming on his face.

“Oh another four-fingered freak,” Ao’nung simpered.

“Look at his little baby tail,'' one of Ao’nung’s friends pointed out while pulling at Lo’ak’s tail, causing laughter to bubble up amongst them.

“Leave us alone!” Kiri pleaded as they continued to tease and gang up on Lo’ak. I saw Neteyam stalking towards us in the corner of my eye. 

“You heard what she said. Leave them alone,” Neteyam said as he shoved Ao’nung away from Lo’ak, much to the delight of one of Ao’nung’s friends. 

“Aw, big brother comi-” Ao’nung interrupted with a hand on his chest. 

“Back off. Now,” Neteyam warned Ao’nung, lifting his hands in mock surrender shortly after. “Good choice,” he nodded, eyes never wavering. “And from now on, I need you to respect my sister.” 

Clearly unhappy with being talked down to by the brother of the “freaks,” one of the skxawng hissed before Ao’nung lifted his hand to stop him. My eyes scanned all the Metkayina boys and held Ao’nung’s stare before sticking my tongue out. 

“C’mon, let’s go,” Neteyam ordered. 

As we were leaving, I heard Ao’nung’s voice carried over by the wind. 

“All freaks, the whole family.” 

But before I could do anything, I saw Lo’ak turn and reassure us that he could handle the situation before spinning on his heel and heading back towards them.

“I know this hand is funny,” he said, voice low as he flexed the extra digit to demonstrate. “Look, I’m a freak. Alien. But it can do something really cool.” I tried to hold back my laugh while Kiri rolled her eyes. I looked at Neteyam and gave him a small smirk, he simply shook his head. 

“Watch,” Lo’ak studied the curious expressions of the Metkayina boys while they were enthralled with his hand, “first I ball it up real tight like this, then—” fast enough you could almost miss it, he punched Ao’nung not once, but three times.

“It’s called a punch, bitch!” Lo’ak crowed, pointing an accusing finger. “Never touch my sister again.”

Ao’nung lunged at Lo’ak and tackled him onto the sand. The two wrestled on the ground, and Lo’ak got a good hit in before being pulled off by his tail. What dirty fighters! I hissed but saw Neteyam shake his head and sigh before jumping in to defend his brother before I could do anything. 

“Guys. Stop it,” Kiri groaned. 

“This is embarrassing,” I said as I looked over at her, my tail swishing back and forth in anticipation. As we shared a look we could hear someone yell, “ow my tail!” and a responding,“ow my ear!” 

“This is stupid,” we both laughed. 

My eyes widened as I see Lo’ak climb atop Ao’nung and start serving blow after blow. Before this became any worse and the son of the Olo’eyktan was injured any further, I was already moving to get Lo’ak off of him. 

“You skxawng, if you keep hitting him your father will send you to Eywa faster than—” Interrupted by an elbow to the nose, I yelped in pain and I staggered back as I held my face. 

The fighting stopped. All eyes were on me. 

“Shit! (Y/N) why would you get so damn close?” Lo’ak cursed as he got off Ao’nung to look at the damage. 

“I was trying to prevent your early death, asshole,” I hissed. 

“That doesn’t justify why you would try to pry me off of him, if I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought you were trying to protect his skxawng ass over there,” he scoffed. 

“You’re the real skxawng. I already told you, I’m trying to save your ass from the harsh scolding your father will deal you when he hears that you beat up the son of the Olo’eyktan!” I yelled. 

As Lo’ak and I continued to argue, the group of boys dispersed and all that was left was Ao’nung, Kiri, and Neteyam looking at us confused. Before the argument could get worse, Jake found us and saw the aftermath of the fight. Angered by the sight of Ao’nung injured, he pushed Lo’ak and Neteyam by the shoulders and ordered me to follow him to the marui. My ears flattened and my tail wrapped around my ankle at the sound of his angered tone, but I followed anyway. 

Looking back, I saw Ao’nung sign, “thank you” and— once again—stuck my tongue out at him in distaste. Who did he think he was, thinking that I’d willingly help him after he called my friends “freaks?” Bah, he was such a presumptuous jacka—

“Keep walking, (Y/N),” Jake groused and snapped me out of my thoughts, unwilling to let anymore scuffles happen today. Feeling properly chagrined, I lowered my head and turned around only to meet eyes with Lo’ak. 

The interaction didn’t go unnoticed by him, it seemed. 

After Jake scolded us and told Lo’ak to apologize to Ao’nung, I was told to go wash the blood off of my face, so I followed silently behind a fuming Lo’ak. Lost in thought, I bumped into him and started apologizing before he turned and grabbed my shoulders. 

“When did you and fish lips get so close?” He questioned.

“Close?”  

“Yes, close.” He stepped back and tilted his head, brows creasing in growing annoyance. “Close enough that you would get hurt protecting him, trying to get me off of him. What is wrong with you? Don’t think I haven’t noticed the looks, the fact that you guys talk through sign even when we are not in the water,” he scoffed. 

“Where is this even coming from—”I sputtered in confusion, trying to gather my thoughts before feeling a rising frustration of my own. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? Why can’t you believe that I was doing it for you?! I was trying to save you from a fierce scolding for disobeying your father’s orders. I was trying to protect you,” I spit out, eyes growing blurry with angry tears. 

“Bah! Stop lying, I know you (Y/N). You would have fought alongside me and defended Kiri. You are not the same girl I knew in the forest back home,” he muttered, rolling his eyes and getting ready to walk away. “Talk to me when you’ve come back to your senses,” he called over his shoulder, leaving me behind as tears started to fall and my chest started rising and falling uncontrollably. The familiar ache was back again, only this time it stung with every sob I let out. 

And do you tell her she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen? 

An eternal love bullshit you know you’ll never mean

Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me? 

It was decided that I would be the first to undergo the iknimaya. Carefully jumping over a fallen log, I grabbed my yimkxa and walked closer to where the ikran rested. Behind me, I heard two new but familiar voices. Without turning around, I could hear the greetings of Lo’ak and Neteyam to the other hunters. Vaguely I registered them saying they wanted to come and watch to cheer me on. 

Facing forward, I made sure to be aware of my surroundings so I didn’t make a fool out of myself. Left and right, banshees of all shades and hues screeched and flew off. I scanned through the many ikran that flew off and briefly remembered my mentor telling us that to find the banshee we are meant to bond with for life, it must try to kill us first. 

I found myself face-to-face with a white and gold ikran that stomped angrily to show off its dominance. Powerful jaws that showed off gleaming fangs snapped in my direction, so I bared my fangs and hissed in response. Crouching slightly as I slowly circled around the beautiful creature, I faintly heard Lo’ak’s cheer of encouragement. 

 A strong wave of adrenaline shot through me as the banshee began to bare its teeth and bellow angrily. Before I could register it, I barely managed to dodge teeth aimed for my leg. Ducking and weaving out of reach from its, I quickly swung my yimkxa around its head, successfully immobilizing the jaw. With as much speed I could muster, I jumped onto the back of the ikran—its neck felt like woven stone beneath my legs as it thrashed its head about, trying to buck me off. 

It was hard to distinguish what was up or down as I clumsily grabbed at my queue to complete the tsaheylu. I could barely hear the faint cheering and war cries behind me—the feeling of my vision sharpening and my lungs inhaling with a renewed strength was too overwhelming to focus on anything else. The bond was made. 

“I will name you Tekay,” I whispered as I took the yimkxa off. 

My hands eagerly held onto her as she screeched and began to flap her wings, a signal that she was going to take off. Laughing, I led her to the edge and nose-dived off the face of the cliff. I could hear the screams of the other hunters and the two Sully boys. 

The wind pushing against my face was exhilarating and my chest swelled as I directed Tekay to fly straight up to where the ikran nest was. 

“You scared us shitless (Y/N)! What were you thinking?” Neteyam chastised as I landed. 

“It was amazing!” I shouted, breathless and full of awe. “The feeling of the air against my skin and Tekay’s speed! No words can describe how I feel at this very moment! Did you see that Lo’ak? I did it!” I exclaimed, cheeks flush with adrenaline. 

“You know you’re really beautiful when you’re excited,” Lo’ak laughs. 

Beautiful.

“Wh-what’re you talking about skxawng,” I said, turning around to face Tekay in hopes he didn’t notice the darkening of my cheeks. It seemed as though Eywa was on my side that day as Lo’ak turned back around to get on top of his Ikran and yipped at me. Looking back at him, I tilted my head. 

“Let’s race back to High Camp! The last one there is a skxawng” He taunted. 

“(Y/N)? Are you listening?” A soft voice questioned, pulling me back from my reminiscing. 

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry… just lost in thought for a second.” I smiled. 

“What were you thinking about, hm? Maybe a certain Na’vi whose name starts with ‘Lo’ and ends in ‘ak?’” Kiri teased and giggled as my eyes grew wide and the tips of my ears grew pink.  

“N-no I wasn’t! What makes you think that!” I gasped. Suddenly, I found a great interest in the ocean. 

“Oh no reason…” she teased. 

Before I could respond I saw two heads pop out of the water laughing, looking like they were in their own little world. That nothing else mattered. As they were getting closer to shore I could see that it was Lo’ak and Tsireya. My heart clenched and I stopped Kiri before she called them over to us. There was confusion on her face, but a look of understanding replaced it soon after she saw me shake my head. 

Too afraid to move in fear of being found, I gripped Kiri’s hand in a silent plea for her to stay as still as possible. Not too far below the rock we were situated on, we could hear the both of them playfully push at and laugh with each other. Tears clouded my vision as I witnessed Lo’ak complement Tsireya. 

“You know you’re really beautiful when you laugh,” Lo’ak chuckled, pushing a stray strand of hair away from her face. My mind was a blur as the once unfamiliar feeling in my chest came back and I could only silence my sobs in my hands while Kiri shushed and comforted me. 

And now I’m pickin’ her apart 

Like cuttin’ her down will make you miss my wretched heart

But she’s beautiful, she looks kind 

She probably gives you butterflies 

I’ve been avoiding Lo’ak all week, which didn’t really take much effort on my part as he didn’t seek me out either. I found myself distancing myself from everyone, whenever I had free time I would excuse myself to a secluded area near the roots of the mangrove trees and wallow in self-pity. My sadness grew with each passing day. I’ve fallen into a routine since our fight and after witnessing  him be oh-so gentle with her, slipping away as soon as lessons are over, coming back just before dinner starts and leaving as soon as I’m done, barely talking to Kiri, Neteyam or anyone in general. 

They tried their hardest to make sure I was alright and actually taking care of myself, but it was hard to keep myself from shutting down whenever I was with them. It had gotten to the point where even Ao’nung was trying to look out for me, like some sort of switch was flipped after the fight. 

If I was in my right mind, I would’ve hissed and blatantly showcased my distaste for him, but even uttering a word other than meek “thank you”s when he hands me water or some sort of snack was more than I could handle. 

“You know you should really eat, you’ve already lost some weight,” A now-familiar voice chastised. 

With a small sigh I replied, “I’m not hungry,” pulling my knees closer to my chest. 

A shift in the air told me that the person has moved and crouched down next to me. Turning my head slightly, I saw that he was holding out a piece of fruit. I stared blankly and after a pregnant pause, he softly took my hand and places the fruit in it. 

“Ao’nung please, I already told you I’m not hungry.”

“I overheard Lo’ak telling my sister you didn’t eat breakfast.” He pulled out a small woven bag of fruit. “And lunch has already passed. Eat,” he ordered. But before he could push anymore food in my direction, I shook my head and turned away. “He can notice enough to tell Tsireya that I’m not eating, but he doesn’t care enough to talk to me himself?”

Ears twitching, I heard Ao’nung take a breath to—I’m assuming comfort me—and I interrupted him, not wanting to hear empty platitudes. It was a rhetorical question anyway, it wasn’t as if I was expecting an answer.

“If I take one bite will you leave me alone?” 

“If you finish the whole thing, then I will leave you alone,” he bargained. 

“Bah, you are insufferable,” I hissed, eyeing the fruit before taking a bite. The juice and flavors that flowed into my mouth made me realize just how thirsty and hungry I actually was. Eagerly I took another bite, until there was nothing left. 

“Right, you definitely weren’t hungry,” Ao’nung teased. Glaring at him, I nudged his shoulder. 

“This is the part where you leave, skxawng.” 

He held his hands up in surrender.  “Alright, alright I’m leaving. I’ll let Kiri know where you are, she’s been looking all over for you,”  he informed as he stood up and began climbing down the root.

As his shuffling grew distant, I growled in frustration as tears welled up in my eyes and pulled my knees even closer to my chest. Before my tears could fall, I heard the familiar sound of laughter that used to fill my stomach with butterflies and made my heart soar. Eyes wide I could see Lo’ak pop out of the water yelling. 

“I did it! Did you see that Reya?”. 

“Reya?” I whispered.

It felt like something broke.

I hope you’re happy 

But not like how you were with me 

I’m selfish, I know. I can’t let you go 

So find someone great but don’t find no one better 

“(Y/N)? Ao’nung told me you were here, are you okay?” a soft voice questioned. 

“Kiri… it hurts” I sobbed into my hands as the scene continued to replay in my head. Gentle arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders, cradling me to their chest. Shushing me as I sobbed, Kiri allowed me to let it all out before she began to softly coerce me to tell her what was wrong. With only faint sniffles being heard, I felt Kiri move so that we are sitting face to face with our hands holding. 

“Take a deep breath with me, calm your heart,” she said, voice soothing as she began to slowly inhale to set the pace. I tried to follow along the best that I could through hiccuping breaths. 

“That’s it txe’lan,” she encouraged,  “once you’ve calmed down we can speak of the storm that’s clouding your heart. Take all the time you need.” 

We sat in silence for a few minutes as the waves softly crashed against the shore, my breathing slowing and all that was left of my breakdown was a shuddering breath. I tried to pull my hands away from Kiri’s grasp but she’s too quick and she tightens her hold on my hands. 

“You are not running away from this, do not collapse into yourself or you’ll lose to the war in your heart,” Kiri insisted, her voice gentle but stern. “Please, tell me what is going on? I’m worried about you. You know I will never judge you, I am here to listen.” 

With one last unsteady breath, I began to tell her the reason for my lack of appetite and why tears stained my face more often than not. As I voiced out my insecurities my vision blurred and I felt the familiar ache in my chest rise as I tried to choke back a sob. 

“I just don’t understand how someone could change so much in such a short period of time. Seeing their lingering looks, the soft touches, the way he tells her things he used to tell me first… hurts. It hurts so much. After the fight with Ao’nung it’s like I’m nobody to him anymore,” I whispered. 

“Oh, txe’lan, my brother is an idiot but he would never think less of you…” Kiri responded. 

“When we fought he told me he didn’t know who I was anymore, that I wasn’t the same girl I used to be…” I sobbed, my hands tearing themselves away from her gentle hold to wrap around myself.  “Why didn’t he understand?” 

Kiri tilted her head as she reached a comforting arm towards me. “Understand what?”

“How could he even think I would choose somebody over him? When I did it for him and nobody else?” Another rhetorical question, I know, but my eyes searched her face for an answer regardless. I scrunched my nose in frustration at the obvious look of pity aimed at me and tried to turn away. 

“Txe’lan..”

“And you know the worst of it all, Kiri?” A mirthless laugh bubbled from my throat. “I can see how easy it is for him to push me away. To forget the years we spent together laughing, making jokes and telling each other things no one else knew about.” 

 “I don’t think he’s forgotten…” Kiri says, trying to reassure me. 

“I know that he still cares, I know that he wouldn’t just leave me behind for someone else to hurt me on purpose but it makes my heart ache. I know that I shouldn’t be sad that he’s found someone to be happy with, that I shouldn’t be selfish. I should be celebrating for him but I can’t. It feels like I’m being left behind in the dust and cast aside while he’s found the one.” As I went on, my chest became tighter and tighter. “It just hurts a lot Kiri. And I shouldn’t be hurting because he seems so— so happy, and it hurts even more—”

“(Y/N), how’re you so sure that he’s left you behind for good?” Kiri sighed and laid her hand on my knee. 

“I’m not sure, which hurts me more than knowing if he has. My heart and mind are clouded with the fear of losing him. Kiri…” I looked up to the sky to prevent any more tears from falling, my voice becoming smaller. “ I just miss my friend, I miss the way it used to be.”

“I know you do.” She frowned and moved to wrap her arms around my shaking form. 

“You’re so dead when I get to you big bro,” Lo’ak shrieked, small canines flashing as he jumped after Neteyam into the river. 

“Like you can take me on skxawng,” Neteyam laughed and dodged. 

“Oh yeah?” Lo’ak smirked, puffing out his chest. “I have a secret weapon. (Y/N)! C’mon, help me take him down!”  I popped out from behind a fallen branch with bared fangs, my tail whipping playfully as I let out a war cry and pounced onto a startled Neteyam. My legs wrapped around his waist while my arms found purchase around his neck in a weak chokehold. 

“What the—”

“Never underestimate the enemy!” I crowed with triumphant laughter as he lost balance and fell into the river.

Lo’ak was doubled over in laughter. “You should see your face!”

“Wait till dad hears about this—” Neteyam threatened, doing his best to seem intimidating while waterlogged. 

“Try your best big bro, you can’t even catch us,” Lo’ak mocked as he took my hand and started running home, laughter ringing throughout the forest. 

  “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

I let out a frustrated groan and flopped onto my back. “What would be the point?”

“Well—”

“I want to be selfish, to yell out that I miss him—us but I truly, genuinely want him to be happy, and I’m not going to get in the way of that.” Raising myself up on one arm to look out into the ocean at the silhouettes of two Na’vi kids playing in the water, I hurriedly wiped away frustrated tears that couldn’t seem to stop. “It just hurts so much more to know that he’s at the happiest point in his life without me in it.” 

I hope you’re happy

I wish you all the best, really

Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me

And think of me fondly when your hands are on her 

I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier 

Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh 

I hope you’re happy 

Just not like how you were with me 

I’m selfish, I know, can’t let you go 

So find someone great, but don’t find no one better 

I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier

[her-power]

Last Chance to Dance (Rockstar! e.m. x fem reader)

🚨🛑🔞18+++ MINORS DNI - YOU WILL BLOCKED🚨🛑🔞 TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING (For entire series): Rockstar! Addict! Sweet! Mean! Eddie, smut, unprotected p+v, fluff, fingering (f receiving), masturbation, oral (m+f receiving), heavy drug use, descriptions of IV drug use, swearing, talks of anxiety, panic disorder, mental illness, talks of suicide

Summary: Modern Eddie + reader are early 30s. Eddie is the famous lead singer/guitarist of Corroded Coffin, who has gotten himself into legal trouble due to his antics and drug use. Eddie broke your heart many years ago and he receives a letter from you asking to meet to talk about what happened between you two so long ago. Secrets are talked about, mental walls are built and broken down. Most of this series will be in Eddie's POV. (I will also be putting song inspirations on each part 🤍)

Word Count: 5k

A/N: There will be a LOT of mentions of heavy drug use in this series. This series DOES NOT glorify the use of drugs. It is not cool, it is not fun, it is something that destroys people and everyone around them. I have loved and lost people I know to drug and alcohol use, a lot of what you read here is my own personal experience from what I have seen with my own eyes. I hope this series will spread awareness and will give anyone and everyone who reads this hope. If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, please know you are not alone, there is help out there.

The silence is almost deafening as I sit there in my dimly lit office, tapping my finger against the arm of the chair; the metal of my ring clinking as I stare at my therapist, Dr. Catherine Ryan, in front of me. She had a kind smile, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk today. 

“What’s bothering you?” She asks gently. 

I gaze at her, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. A stupid habit I formed when I stopped using six months ago. 

Let’s see, I’m tired of the noise inside my head that is constantly reminding me what a piece of shit I am. I’m lucky that my bandmates don’t hate my guts for the shit I put them through on tour when I was needle deep in a heroin fog and couldn’t remember the lyrics to a fucking song I wrote. My music career is only surviving because the world thinks we’re on a hiatus to write our next album when I actually did a stint in rehab and have court ordered mandatory therapy once a week. The only way I can have therapy is if she comes to my escape cabin in upstate New York and escorted in and out by a security guard. 

Oh, I also can’t stop thinking of you, the one whose heart I broke fifteen years ago back in Hawkins, Indiana because I was too scared to love or be loved. The same you who mailed me a letter that I received at my P.O. Box in Boston three days ago, that I haven’t opened yet and sits in my back pocket folded up, because I’m too much of a pussy to see what you have to say.  

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I tell her, taking a cigarette out of my pocket. I let the smoke fill my lungs and exhale the smoke away from her. 

“What do you want to talk about?” She asks, crossing her legs. I stare at her long legs, and my eyes scan up her body. She was curvy and thick, with a perfect set of tits and stunning green eyes. I almost laugh, if a beautiful woman like her was in my house six months ago, it wouldn’t take long before I’d have her bent over the back of my couch, fucking her until she couldn’t take it anymore. But I couldn’t do that anymore. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, or whatever the fuck the saying is. 

“Eddie, this is mandatory therapy. I can’t help you if you’re not willing to talk. We’ve had four sessions so far, and the only thing we have talked about is your drug habit.” She seemed annoyed, and I couldn’t blame her.

“I’m only here because of my drug habit.” 

“Is that all?” 

She was testing me, and I smile at her, leaning my elbows against my knees. “You know, I bet you are really good at helping people and are able to get your patients to sit here and cry about their shitty lives or whatever it is people tell you. But I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, you’re not gonna get it from me.” 

“You keep up a guard. Defense mechanism, it’s common in people who have been hurt before.” She says, scribbling a note down. 

I narrow my eyes. “I sense judgment in your tone, and I’m not sure I care for it.” 

“It’s not judgement, Eddie. It’s an observation. I’m observing you.” 

I sit back against my chair and scoff, lighting up another cigarette with the ember of the one I just had. I inhale deeply. “I think our session should be cut early today.” 

She closes her notebook and gives you a kind smile. “If that’s what you want.” 

“I do.” I tell her. 

I get up from my seat as she stands, walking her to the door where the security guard waited outside. I may be an asshole, but I know how to be a gentleman. Chivalry isn’t dead when your name is Eddie Munson. She nods at me as she leaves, handing me her card for the time of the next session for next week and I close the door behind her. I stub out the cigarette in the ashtray and let out a deep sigh. I plop myself on the couch, hearing the crinkle of the letter in my back pocket and I lift my hips to pull it out. I look at the neat print on the front; seeing your handwriting brought back so many memories that I had forgotten about. 

Why would you send me a letter? Is it just to tell me how happy you’ve been these last fifteen years since I’ve been gone, that you’re married with children, thriving in your thirties? 

“Well, the only way to know is if you open the letter, dipshit.” I mutter to myself. I groan, shaking my head as I rip the letter open and unfold it. It was only two pages, but you had written a lot. 

 Hey, You’re a tough guy to find, being famous and all. I didn’t think this P.O. Box was real at first, but I ended up tracking down Gareth and he told me it was real. I can’t believe he still has the phone number he’s had since high school.  I don’t know why I’m writing you a letter, I guess I could’ve just texted you, he did give me your number, but I wanted this to feel more personal. Like when I’d write you those stupid folded notes in class.  I know it’s been a long time, and you’re probably thinking I’m absolutely insane, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you lately. There are so many things that I wanna say to you. There are so many things that were left unsaid, and I guess lately it’s been bothering me. You’re probably not even going to get this, so I don’t even know why I’m continuing to write.  I don’t want you to think that I hated you or have hated you this whole time. It would be easier to hate you, believe me, I’ve tried but I physically cannot have that kind of power over me. I’m proud of you, Eddie. You worked so hard to get to where you are, and you made your dreams come true. I knew you could.  I want to tell you I’m proud of you in person; to let you know that what happened in the past stays there and we can both move forward in a way. I mean, I just told you now. I know you’re really busy and I feel stupid now. But I will be in Boston in December, the week of the 18th while my aunt is down in Florida for the week, house sitting. Gareth had mentioned you and the band were taking a hiatus to focus on the writing and doing some self reflecting. I would love to see you, especially with the holiday season. 

It’s not every day you get to see the boy you’ve known since diapers be on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, selling out stadiums. 

Please don’t feel obligated, though. 

I suddenly forgot how to swallow, and I almost choke on my own saliva. You had written your phone number on the bottom of the last page. I swing my legs onto the floor, taking my phone off the coffee table. I scroll to my contact list, and add your name, along with your phone number. 

I pause, my hands begin to shake, and I inhale deeply. 

“No no no, not now, not now.” Grimacing, I sit back on couch, closing my eyes as my stomach turns to knots and my chest feels like it was going to explode. I can feel the sweat bead at the back of my neck as the panic attack feels like it’s choking me out and I groan. I go into the drawer of the coffee table, pulling out the lorazepam pill bottle, taking a minute to open the cap because my hands were so sweaty. I throw the pill in my mouth, swallowing it dry and breathe in through my nose. 

This happens more often now, especially since being off dope, I had to learn how to deal with them like a normal thirty-four-year-old man. It took a lot of convincing for my doctors to give me the lorazepam, but apparently threatening to go and take a hot shot of heroin to kill myself was convincing enough for them to give me the lowest dose of the stupid pill. 

I close my eyes. Thinking back to how I got here; how I could’ve lost everything because of my own stupidity, because of my inability to slow down, because I took sex, drugs, rock and roll too literally. All because I refuse to let love into my soul and hold on tight. 

One year earlier

The dressing room walls echo with the moans of myself and...I don’t even remember her name. Sarah? Shelly? It doesn’t even matter. I only see the back of her head anyway; she was very blonde. I hold onto her hips tightly, slamming my cock in and out of her. She was screaming like a porn star, and I’m pretty sure she was putting on a show. 

“Oooooh, just like that baby. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. Oh goddd, you’re so fucking good.” She moans and I roll my eyes, slamming into her harder just to get her to shut up. I reach over to the coffee table to grab my tiny vile of cocaine, I pop open the cap, and pull out of her for a moment. She was still rolling her hips as I sprinkle the drugs onto her ass.

“Stop fucking moving.” I tell her, grabbing the plastic straw and snorting back the drugs into my airways. She moans again when she hears me snort another line off her, and I slam myself back into her. My head falls back in pleasure, the effects of the cocaine causing every single part of my body to pulsate, and I can feel my orgasm approaching. 

“Fuuuuck.” I moan, my rhythm getting sloppy, and she groans. 

“Cum inside me baby, cum inside me.” She moans and I immediately feel myself go soft. Fuck this. I stop moving and slide myself out of her, she turns to look at me, her mouth opened in a gasp. “Why did you stop?”

I take a cigarette out of my pack and light it. “Get out.” 

“What?” She snaps. 

“Get your shit and get the fuck out of my dressing room. Telling me to cum inside you, I know what you’re doing.” I take her dress off the floor and throw it at her. Her eyes narrow and she gets up from the couch, throwing the dress over her head. 

“You weren’t even that good, fucking junkie!” She yells at me, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lungs. She looked like a cartoon character. Her eyes wild, her hair a wild mess, her fake tits bouncing as she storms out of the room. I lean back on the couch, a little mad that I didn’t cum, but whatever, that’s what my hand is for. I don’t know why I invite these women back to my dressing room after every show. Most of the time, these women don’t even know the words to our songs, they just want to be able to tell their friends they fucked a rockstar.  I sigh, opening the vile and do another bump. I’m one hundred percent in love with heroin, but I’m an addict. Cocaine just takes the edge off when I need it to. I tie my hair back in a low bun, blowing my bangs out of my face. I stand, catching a glimpse of myself in the fluorescent lit vanity mirror. The lighting made me look terrible; I was thinner than normal. The ram skull tattoo across my abdomen looked discolored, but I know it was just the way the light was hitting it. I was losing muscle mass in both of my arms, but since tattoo sleeves covered both my arms, no one could notice. No one knew how bad it was getting with the dope; I honestly preferred to suffer in silence about it, but I knew they noticed. I would feel Gareth’s eyes burn into the back of my skull whenever I would escape to go into a bathroom, or immediately go into my hotel room to get started on my new supply. I felt terrible keeping it from him, he was my brother, my bandmate, but he didn’t need to worry. I was fine, at least that’s what I told myself. 

We had awhile before we hit the next city of the tour. The tour bus felt too crowded, too stuffy. We all decided it would make sense to hide out in a hotel for a few days before we got to Atlanta.  I requested my own room of course, the supply I just bought felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket. Isn’t that what they say about money? 

Money meant nothing to me; if I lost it all tomorrow, I wouldn’t care. That’s the beauty of this drug, you don’t have a care in the world once that shot courses through your veins. 

I lock the door to my room after saying goodnight and head into the bathroom. I pull my shirt over my head and undo the belt from my jeans. I set everything up on the table: fresh needle, the drugs, and water bottle cap.  It doesn’t take long for me to pull the dope into the syringe, at this point it’s like riding a bike for me. I sit on the floor against the bathtub, I wrap the belt around my left arm, pulling it tight with my teeth and clench my fist. I see the most perfect vein pop up in the bend of my arm; I have to be careful though, I can’t go to the same spot twice or else I’ll blow up my veins and then more people will notice.  I’ve always hated needles, isn’t that ironic? I’m thinking that as the tip of it pinches my skin and my thumb is on the trigger, slowly pushing it down.

“A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down…” I sing softly, feeling the sweet burn of the heroin flow like a tsunami in my veins. My eyes flutter close as the most beautiful feeling overcomes me; my head lulls back against the porcelain and I feel a smile grace my lips. 

A loud knock at my door startles me out of my high, and I’m pissed. 

“Hang on a second.” I mutter and awkwardly pull myself up, undoing the belt from my arm. I place the cap on the needle and toss it behind the doors under the sink. 

Knock knock knock knock knock

I toss my sweatshirt over my head, putting a cigarette to my lips. “Yeah, I hear you! Fuck, I’m coming.” 

I open the door to find Gareth standing there with his arms crossed, I light the cigarette and wave my hand, tilting my head at him. “Yeah?” 

“What are you doing?” He asks me. 

“What do you mean what am I doing? I’m not doing anything.” I inhale on the cigarette, and he continues to stare at me. If there was a God, I thank him for giving me brown eyes, because at least he wouldn’t be able to see how my pupils look like pinholes. “Do you wanna come in?” 

I move to the side, and he walks by me, I shut the door, locking it. 

“Do you want a beer or anything?” I ask him, going into the mini fridge, pulling out two, I could feel myself about to nod, but I quickly stand up, clearing my throat so I can at least look like I’m not fucked up. 

“No, I’m fine.” His eyes scan every inch of my room, the floor where my clothes were, Sweetheart laying on the foot of my bed. My necklace I always wore with the red guitar pick laid on the nightstand by the bed. I always take it off before I shoot up, I don’t know why, I think something is going to happen to it if I don’t, it means a lot to me. His eyes fix on my belt on the bathroom floor, he doesn’t say anything, but I know what he’s thinking. 

“Gareth, if you got something to say, man, just say it.” I tell him, leaning against the small table, I ash my cigarette into a coca cola can. 

He turns to me; he was still blessed with a baby face that I remember from school. “How bad is it getting?” He almost whispers.

“How bad is what getting?” 

“The drugs, man. Come on dude, I know you’re not stupid.” He sits across from me on the foot of the bed, gently moving Sweetheart over. 

I sigh. “Gareth, I’m fine. It’s not getting bad.”

He puts his head down, shaking his head. “Don’t fucking bull shit me, Eddie. I’ve known you for almost two decades. Have you even looked at yourself lately?”

I close my eyes, feeling a wave of anxiety hit my lower gut, and I force it to go away by not caring. “Don’t worry about me, man. I’m serious.”

“Of course, I’m gonna fucking worry!” He stands up, his face full of rage. “If you fuck up this tour, our entire music career is in the gutter! How many times have I had to bail you out when you’ve been coming down from a cocaine binge and are late to rehearsal? How many goddamn times have I had to convince cops not to arrest you when you’re inebriated beyond belief. It’s getting fucking old, man.” He towers over my 6-foot frame and again, I start laughing. 

His eyes widen. “Are you seriously laughing right now? 

“Yeah.” I chuckle. “I am, because it’s funny how you think I’m gonna be the one who’s gonna fuck up this tour. I built this band from the ground up, nothing and no one is gonna fuck that up.”

“Oh fuck you, dude!” He yells at me. “You built this? What happened to you saying this entire band was built on friendship, loyalty and fucking friends who play nerdy games? What happened to that Eddie?” 

“Dead.” I give him a sideways smile. “Dead dead dead.” 

He looks at me incredulous. “Wow. You’re an actual nightmare.” 

“You’re the one who decided to knock on my door.” I place the cigarette in the can, hearing it sizzle out. I cross my arms over my chest, already itching for another shot. “Anything else?” 

He scoffs, walking towards the door and stepping out. “No. Have a good night, Eddie.” 

“Yeah, you too!” I scream at his back as I shut the door, locking all the locks and kicking the bottom of it. Suddenly, the chair near the table gets a boot from me, followed by the lamp, the paintings on the walls. I smash the beer bottles against the windows, and when I’m finally spent, I collapse on the bathroom floor, digging out the needle. I’ll leave the hotel a couple hundred dollars to pay for whatever I damaged; I’ll hopefully remember to clean up tomorrow.

I’m pretty sure I put too much in it this time, because I’m riding something wild right now. My eyes are half lidded, my breathing is slow but it’s such a peaceful feeling.

“Makes the medicine go down…medicine go down…”

The beginning of that year was when shit started going downhill fast for me. Once I had gotten my panic attack under control, and I felt calmer, I sent you a text message, realizing that tomorrow was the 18th. I typed up, deleted, typed up, deleted, about six different times before finally sending you: Hey stranger, it’s Eddie. Pretty wild to hear from you. I’m currently up in my cabin in upstate NY, but if you are gonna be in Boston. I can make the trip. It would actually be awesome to see you. Hope you are well. 

I forgot how nervous you made me, even back then. You were such a kind, beautiful soul, who loved me and took care of me when I didn’t deserve it. I was so nervous all the time because I really loved you too, but I couldn’t…wouldn’t let myself feel it. You were the only woman in my life that knew me, and actually saw me. You were my best friend, always my partner in group activities in elementary school. It was us against the world the minute I kissed you for the first time when we were eighteen, and then it ended with me, burying my head in the sand, because I’m a fucking idiot. 

My phone dings and I see your name pop up.  Hey!!! Wow, your own cabin huh? Are you a mountain man or something this winter season? I’m sorry if my letter was all over the place, I really should’ve just texted you but, whatever. Here we are now. Yes! Let’s meet, I can give you a spot to meet for coffee? Unless you just want my aunt’s address, I don’t know how Boston is when it comes to famous people. 

I type up a message: Boston is one of those cities that is wild to play on stage in front of, but the people don’t give a fuck if you’re famous. Which is why I bought a condo there, I can live out some downtime in peace. Coffee sounds great. Just let me know a time when you are settled. 

You quickly respond: Ha! Boston is pretty rad. I’m already here, I got here a day early. I know you got a pretty long drive so we can meet the day after tomorrow if you’d like? Say around 10?

I type up that that time and date worked for me and begin packing a small suitcase to take with me on the trip. 

I honestly felt like I was dreaming all this; I get sober, you, a woman that was literally the one that got away because of my own fucking deep-rooted issues, comes back into my life and wants to see me? I feel like I’m living the Notebook. Except, the rated R version where Ryan Gosling is an ex-junkie, who doesn’t build houses, or used to blow cocaine off a woman’s asshole. 

I groan, I already know I’m gonna fuck this up again. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The coffee shop you chose was a place I’ve never been before, it seemed newer, and no one batted an eye when I walked in. I take off my sunglasses and scan the place. It was quaint, quiet, with rustic undertones but mostly modern. 

“Eddie?”

My eyes immediately fix on you, sitting in the back booth by a small window, and I feel my heart flutter down to my stomach. God, you were stunning. Your eyes still shone that sparkle in them, your smile was just as adorable as I remembered, especially the dimples in your cheeks. I whisper your name and find myself quickly walking towards you. You wrap your arms around my shoulders, and I let out a deep sigh, almost lifting you off your feet, as I hug the curves of your waist, burying my face into your shoulder. We stay like that for a while, you giggle into my chest, telling me you couldn’t believe it was me and that I was here. I didn’t want to let go, but I knew I had to. We pull away and you are still smiling, looking into my eyes, you lift your hand to gently curl your fingers into my hair and I smile at you. 

“I love that you still kept this hair.” You say, shaking your head, looking like you’re still trying to process that I’m standing in front of you. 

I gently cup your face, swallowing hard, studying you. You turn your cheek into my hand, and I slowly remove it. You nod for me to sit, and I scoot over into the booth, peeling off my leather jacket. I still stare at your face; I couldn’t believe you were real. The server comes over to take our coffee order, I get mine hot with triple espresso and a shot of caramel, and you get an iced coffee with a shot of vanilla and almond milk. I smile, you’ve kept the same order since you started drinking coffee. 

Your eyes fix on mine, and I smile at you, sipping my coffee. “You haven’t changed.” I tell you softly. 

“My back will have to disagree with you.” You laugh, spinning the straw with your finger. “You haven’t either, aside from more tattoos.” 

I smile; remembering that you were there for most of my smaller ones. I had convinced you back then to get a large tattoo that started from under your breast, all the way down to the top of your hip; that was always my favorite part of you to taste. I cross my legs, feeling a tingle in my lower belly. Fucking pervert. 

I notice a few finger tattoos on your right hand, and I nod to them. 

“I told you they were addicting.” I laugh. “How many do you have now?” 

You laugh, a sound so beautiful to my ears, I want to cry. “Sixteen? Seventeen?”

My eyes widen and I laugh. “No way! Let me see.” 

You meet my eyes, your face turning crimson. Of course, there were hidden ones, I immediately feel like I overstepped and go to apologize when you speak. “It’s a lot of random ones, all over. I added some stuff to the rib piece.” That one you show me, you lift up your sweater, and I feel my dick twitch. 

Pervert. Dirty pervert. It’s been fifteen years, put your dick away. 

The cluster of wildflowers that started from your ribs to your hip had added roses to different spots they ended up entwining into a beautiful ivy vine, before falling off towards your back. I notice the bottom of a small piece on your sternum, and you pull your sweater back down. 

“That’s beautiful.” I tell her, smiling. “What have you been doing these last fifteen years?” 

“Well, I moved out of Hawkins.” I smile at that, she always wanted to leave that place. “I moved to Maine, I bought myself my own little cabin in the woods. I’m a nurse at the local hospital there.” 

My heart practically bursts with pride, and I laugh. “See? You don’t have to be famous to have your own cabin. That’s wonderful, I know that was always a dream of yours, becoming a nurse.”

“Yeah, it’s fulfilling. Heartbreaking 99% of the time but fulfilling.” Your eyes fix on mine again, and we just share comfortable silence as we stare at one another. 

“Your eyes are sad.” You say suddenly. 

“What?” I snap myself back down to my reality; it was easy to get lost in your eyes. 

“You look like you’ve been through hell and back again. Sorry for being blunt, I’m just sorry for whatever is bothering you.” Your eyes show me that same familiar kindness, and I smile awkwardly at you.  

“I’m okay.” I tell you, only half lying. 

You place your hand over my ringed fingers, gently entwining them. I stare at our hands, and gaze back into your eyes. “What am I doing here?” I whisper to you. I can feel my heart do another back flip, and my brain screams at me to get up and run because I can still feel your love. 

Your fingers gently move over the bumps on my rings, and your eyes dart to mine. You spot the small silver chain around my neck, half tucked in my shirt, and you lift your hand to gently pull out the red guitar pick. You finger the plastic and smile. “Wow. You kept this all these years.” 

“Of course, I did. I never take it off.” Except when I used to shoot dope, but that’s beside the point. I swallow the lump in my throat. “Sweetheart, why am I here?” 

You sigh, giving me a sad smile. “Would it be weird if I said that I really fucking miss you? And for the last fifteen years, I haven’tstopped thinking about you.” 

Heart exploding. 

My breath hitches and my eyes widen slightly. “But…I hurt you…and I left—"

“I know, I know you did, but” you take my hand again. “Eddie, we were best friends. Since before we could even say those words. You were so important to me. You’re still important to me. How could we throw that away?” 

I stare at you, reading your face, gazing at the shape of your mouth, the way your hair falls in waves, the curves of your breasts. I squeeze my eyes shut, pulling my hand away from yours. “You wouldn’t think that anymore once you know what I’ve done, who I’ve become.” 

“Then tell me.” You say softly, your eyes dart from my lips, to my eyes. I stare at your lips, remembering how perfectly they fit against mine, how soft they were. How eager you would be when your tongue would slip into my mouth, deepening the kiss, your soft moans vibrating against my mouth as I carefully push myself inside you. 

I meet your eyes; you’re waiting for me to say something. I shake my head, running my hands over my hair. I sigh. “How long you got?” 

You look at your wrist at a fake watch. “About a week.” I laugh and lean back in my seat, sipping my coffee. 

Yeah, I missed you too. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

Special shout out to: @trixyvixx @originalstar1 @iggyizalien @themorticians-world

& so many of you who supported my last series.

I wouldn’t continue writing if it weren’t for you guys giving me the motivation to do it. Love you all!

[spidernuggets]

Hey I just read your Jason x reader fic where y/n is the joker's daughter. First of all, that👏was👏awesome 👏, really I was feeling things and was destroyed when you used the sentence of the prompt. I was tearing up, and I don't normally do that, sooooooo. Yeah, you're damn good with your writing, keep it up.

Now, the reason why I'm doing this, I read it (both parts) like 1 hour ago, 10 mins after that Line without a hook from Rick Montgomery is playing on Spotify. I realized with a broken heart (you really got my feelings hanging from that fic) that it fits perfectly with the song, and it doesn't only works with one of them, it works with both jay and reader and the lyrics if you put attention to them it jumps from one to another.

Here's what I'm saying,(I'm just being delusional and overanalyzing everything) look:

I don't really give a damn about the way you touch me When we're alone You can hold my hand If no one's home

Here it's kinda both of them on the very final of part 2, like it says about the holding hands and touching when they're alone, but in a sense that they feel alone in the world without each other. But also the fact that y/n doesn't have anyone home, and from jays pov, how he felt betrayed with bruce, for knowing about her being his murderer's daughter.

Do you like it when I'm away? If I went and hurt my body, baby Would you love me the same?.

Right here, is the reader, specifically when she fights with Jay in the alley, but like, I feel that it's more like what she couldn't say to him, because she did what he asked, she moved away. At the same time the last 2 lines talk very well of how she lost everything, and I can also see a little hint of the robbery part, in the sense that she is hurting her "soul" or "essence" for lack of words.

I can feel all my bones coming back And I'm craving motion

JASON, do I have to say anything else? Like quite literally it's about resurrection, but emotions, don't forget about them, it's all the crushing rage he felt in the batcave, but also the hurting and the pain when he saw how little she had, when he realized how much she had suffered and how much he missed her.

Mama never really learns how to live by herself It's a curse And it's growing You're a pond and I'm an ocean

READER!! like are you seeing how many coincidences there are with this song! Analogy of mama, but it's actually "dad".

Personally, I've never understood the part of the pond and the ocean, but after this, it gave me a new look at it, from the readers pov, it's all the pain she caused jason, be it from the lies (quote to him), that she feels it's only growing, or could also be from the fact that jay thinks she like her dad and that she is much like poison (or curse) and it's eventually going to infect the kids or diane.

Oh, all my emotions Feel like explosions when you are around And I've found a way to kill the sounds, oh

Now this is both of them when they see each other again, but that last line, it works very differently, for jay it's rage and hatred, but for y/n it was blaming herself for everything, this before she reflected on herself, after that it's just numbness, seeing life gray, because what else could she do alone like she was?

Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you I need you here to stay I broke all my bones that day I found you Crying at the lake

Again both of them, but the reader is very good as an undertone of those 2 first lines, she is broken without him, without the only and very first person that loved her, I need you here to stay, it's the picture beside her bed, obviously.

The last two are very very very perfect on Jason, he is broken and sad when he saw her in that little rathole she called a "home", but the "...broke my bones...", it happens when she says that it was worse at the werehouse.

Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden? Oh, and if I could take it all back I swear that I would pull you from the tide

Jason begging for forgiveness, 🔛🔝📈📈📈.

Lats line specially about when he took her home, both before and after he found out.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa I said no (I said no), I said no (I said no) Listen close, it's a no The wind is a-pounding on my back And I found hope in a heart attack Oh at last, it is past Now I've got it, and you can't have it

I need another opinion here, it fits perfectly with both of them, but to be honest, It doesn't feel fair.

For reader it's in the alley screaming and shouting at him that she changed and understood that she it's not her father. She doesn't blame herself anymore (at least that what she says), she found hope of being better in a shattered heart.

Or jason, in the batcave, screaming and shouting how she betrayed him. Finding hope of not getting hurt anymore in his broken heart.

Both of them, both of the situations, let very clear the last line. "Now I've got it, and you can't have it".

Jason has his heart, she wasn't going to hurt him anymore, he's not gonna let her.

Reader finally has cleaned her conscience, and she's not going to let him take it away from her.

Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you I need you here to stay I broke all my bones that day I found you Crying at the lake Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh And if I could take it all back I swear that I would pull you from the tide

The same that I mentioned before.

Darling, when I'm fast asleep I've seen this person watching me Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?" Oh

Now, we all know that the joker never leaves, be that he has clones (literally wtf dude), or be it the scruchiating trauma he leaves in all his victims.

Reader, is repeating the voice of her father saying that no one will love her truly, given her identity.

Jason is repeating his horrible death and torture, but in my little delusional mind, I also believe that he was imagining the joker mocking him when he realized who y/n really was. Thing that only boosts the voice she hears. Not to forget that he is actually suffering with these nights terrors just like the song inclines.

Guess there is something, and there is nothing There is nothing in between

Then again comes the numbness she felt in those lasts months.

Watching over me, he's singing "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy" He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook"

I know it should be jay, but I'm going to do a little genderbending, cause the joker is a constant bully for the reader, even when dead, and in her dreams, (like fr dude calm down) , the reasoning behind this, it's that Jason stoped loving for a good while, but, she didn't, and if you add the constant remainder of "no one is gonna love you" with a good reason she is the owner of this verse.

Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you I need you here to stay I broke all my bones that day I found you Crying at the lake Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh And if I could take it all back I swear that I would pull you from the tide

The song ends yet again but with the chorus, but the very last line resonates with me, because of Jason wanting her back and actually putting an effort to understand her again after all the pain both of them suffered.

It ends with a happy feeling I think, if not at least optimistic.

I'm really sorry, it's too long, haha I really went into easy mode, hope it is not a burden. And if it isn't clear by now, I loved your fic, you had me in a chokehold all the damn time

STARLET, WHEN I CATCH YOU STARLET. STARLET, WHEN I CATCH YOU, STARLET.

Oh, my bleeding days, you probably dissected the fanfic even further than I could've imagined.

I SHIT YOU NOT, I WAS GONNA PUT LINE WITHOUT A HOOK INTO MY LYRIC PROMPT LIST. But i was like, ughhhh, the lyrics, THE LYRICS!!!! Ricky Montgomery's lyrics to that song were MWAHHHH. I was like, man I can't just copy ajd paste the whole song onto the list!!

I also thought that the whole song itself would be such a good prompt for an entire fanfic!! But the first part of the fic was so much longer than the others I've written, and since I've a packed schedule, I knew I wouldn't get the fic done if someone were to request the song.

But you've explained the fic together with the song so beautifully!! Like I know you were basing the song and fic with each other, but BRO YOU ALLOST MADE ME CRY!!

NOW LISTEN, LISTEN HERE!!!

You've used the whole song, comparing it to moments in the fic. But we add in one more verse- The verse from Line Without a Hook ft. mxmtoon!!!

And I know that you know Listen close and move slow I can't speak fast or else I'll crack

I feel you link lyrics and the fic better than I would, but my interpretation would be READERRRR yelling at Jason in the alley. Like, she's trying so hard to convince him that she's not the Joker, and she doesn't wanna cry in front of him again!!! "And I know that you know," maybe deep down, Reader knows Jason believes what she's saying, but Joker put Jason through so much, his head is just filled with trauma and rage!!

It's the price I pay for going back And I've dreamed to be seen Now I've got it, do I want it?

"It's the price I pay for going back," When Reader goes back to the soup kitchen, and Jason's all pissed off at her, but Reader just wanted to see Diane and the kids again :((

"And I've dreamed to be seen, Now I've got it, do I want it," Reader tried so long to tell Jason the truth, but like it all ended up badly when Jason was rewatching the footage of him. And it just ended up with Reader being scared of him when he started screaming and yelling at her.

And it teeny tiny bit ties in with the end of part 1 where it's like, the identity of Reader being the Joker's daughter wouldn't be mentioned at ALL since Joker never revealed he had a kid in the first place!!

So even though she had known Diane, the kids, and Jason for a good while, no one really knew who she really was.

But she regrets it when she finds out her dad was "right" :((

THERE WAS A TIKTOK SOUND THAT MASHED UP THE MXMTOON'S VERSE WITH RICKY'S AND IT GOES SO WELL WITH THIS PROMPT BUT THE SOUNDS GONE RAAAHHH

AND DONT BE SORRY THAT YOUR THOUGHT IS LONG!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HEARING OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINION AND IDEAS OF MY WRITING AND IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKED IT!!

[gucciwins]

an ex brings stories and mistrust

Word count: 3440

A/N: you asked for angst for some reason so here it is. i am so happy to know you still love bel and harry as much as i do. 🤍

Warnings: angst, jealousy, ex-boyfriend

read love on tour series 

“I’m going out tonight,” you tell Harry as you steal a sip of his coffee. You love the smell but can never find yourself enjoying a full cup.

“Done being a homebody,” he teases.

You roll your eyes; after being home in London for a few days, you’ve been enjoying staying in your house but also at Harry’s. It was larger than yours, yet it felt cozy because he was here.

“Haha, a few friends are in the city and want to grab dinner, maybe karaoke,” you share, “what we do after is still up in the air.”

“You can always sing one of mine,” as he takes a blueberry out of her hand.

“Mhm…too bad I already have my song.”

“It’s a classic. You sing ‘you’re so vain’ perfectly every time. Always leaves me in awe.”

You feel your face warm up at his compliments. There had been a lot of begging for him to get you to sing in front of his friends one night. It helped. Most of them were a few tequila shots in. Although it is something Mitch brings every time you see him suggesting new songs, you should try to karaoke for them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, H.”

Harry frowns, wanting to spend more time with you this morning, but he knows you have a fitting for a red carpet. You’re working with an upcoming designer Sarai told you about,  a Hispanic designer with beautiful looks incorporating designs from their culture. You just had to work with them; of course, they were happy to agree.

“Send me photos, please,” he mutters against your lips.

“Promise.”

You go to pull away, but Harry holds your waist, deepening the kiss wanting to give you something that would hopefully want to make you stay home, although he knew it was a losing battle. You pull away breathless, a smile breaking out as you see Harry’s puffy pink lips.

“I love you, H.”

“Te amo, Bel.”

_____

There was no studio today, and Harry decided to use the day to catch up on reading a few books Bel had recommended he got two chapters in when he was inspired to grab his journal to write these lyrics before they escaped him. Harry wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he felt his phone ring, he dropped his pen thinking it was Bel but to his surprise saw it was Naomi, your best friend.

“Hi Naomi,” he greets.

“Hiya H, where’s our girl? She’s ignoring my calls,” Naomi asks, straight to the point.

“She had a fitting and was going out tonight.”

“Did she? Say with who?”

“Oh, friends in the city. Don’t think she gave me any names.”

Harry peeked at the time on his phone and saw it was close to six pm. The day honestly had gotten away from him. He would need to cook himself dinner.

“Heard Dylan was in the city.” Harry frowns, hearing Sarai whisper to Naomi.

“Who?”

“Dylan O'Brien,” Naomi tells him, “a good friend.”

“Who’s still in love with her,” Sarai inputs.

Harry hears Naomi shush Sarai,” sorry they’ve been drinking.”

“Why would Dylan be in love with Bel?” Harry had never been more confused. He knew you saw Dylan as a good friend; you would go as far as saying he was one of your closest friends in the industry.

Naomi sighed, knowing they messed up.

“It’s not–shit. H, you have to understand this was years ago.”

“What was?”

“Dylan and Bel dated,” she confesses.

And Harry feels his heart drop.

How did he not know this? How could you not share this information with him?

“Listen, it was after their first film together. It was never made public and is something she really doesn’t share. She broke up with Dylan because he was ready to get serious and take it to the next step, and she felt she wasn’t there. He was heartbroken after, but he was always supporting her.”

“He didn’t want to break up, did he?”

Naomi sighed, “no, he fought her on it, but she was set on her decision.”

“Did she love him?”

Silence.

“Naomi, please!”

“Of course she did. But it’s different, H. You have to believe me. She loves you. I’ve never seen her this happy or in love, and I’ve known her all her life. You make her shine. She’s one hundred percent herself when she’s with you.”

Naomi sharing this brings him a bit of comfort, but he’s left with the question of why you hadn’t told him Dylan was an ex. He was sure there were no secrets between each other, but now he wasn’t so sure. Harry shared about his past heartbreaks and his hand in breaking hearts. You had shared little, telling him that you had two serious relationships that were not worth talking about because you had all wanted something different.

“I don’t get why she wouldn’t tell me.”

“She doesn’t dwindle in the past. Think she’s lived there long enough.”

Harry sighs because he understands, in a way, he doesn’t know what it is like to be alone for years or not to have a loved one to seek out for comfort to share childhood memories with, but he has been faced with loss and knows how hard it can be. He does not understand why she’d keep her relationship with Dylan a secret. It’s as if there was something more she wasn’t telling him.

“I’m going to ask her about it,” Harry tells Naomi.

He hears her sigh, “I’d be surprised if you didn’t.”

“Bye, Naomi.”

“Harry, please be kind. I know this isn’t the easiest way to find something out, but don’t react when you’re speaking with her,”

He sighs, knowing she’s right. Harry doesn’t know what would have happened if he found out through you, but for now, he had to feel his emotions, and he’d talk about this news when you came home to him tonight.

“Of course.”

The phone drops against the cushion on his couch. There’s too much on his mind for him to rest in peace. Harry decides to meditate as the best way to work through his clouded mind. It works for some time until he feels the urge to check his phone, so he leans across where he let it fall, his eyes bugging out to see how late it had turned and you had yet to turn up. He didn’t mean to bother you when you were out, but he was concerned because, for the past few days, you’ve been coming home to him.

He sighs in relief when he hears your cheery voice after the second ring.

“Hi baby,” he breathes out. “Are you coming back here tonight?”

You sigh, coming out low. “Sorry, H. We came back to my place with some friends. You’re welcome to come,” you offer, feeling bad about making him wait for you when you could have texted him earlier in the evening.

“Hurry back. We’re going to lose,” Harry hears Dylan call for you.

Harry tenses, forgetting that you had even asked him a question. “H?”

“No, uh, early morning tomorrow,” he lies.

“Lunch tomorrow, then?” You counter. “Vinny’s?”

“I’ll be at our table,” he promises.

Harry heads to bed with a heavy heart but is thankful he will see you tomorrow.

____

He had arrived early, wanting to have your food ready for when you arrived. You always loved eating the same meal here, the ravioli with butternut squash filling. It was good, and Harry always ended up stealing a bit or two from you when you claimed he needed to try it.

As he waited for you, he was trying to decide how to approach the topic or wondered if Naomi had already sent her a warning. A few minutes later, a large commotion in front of the restaurant caught his attention. There are people gathered around, and he catches a glimpse of your face making him quick to leave his seat and go help you with the crowd. To his surprise, Dylan helped part the crowd and guided you inside with a hand on the small of your back. The group stayed outside as Harry watched you turn to hug Dylan in gratitude. You stood there speaking with him before Dylan shook his head, leaning in to give you a kiss on your cheek. Harry was confused. You showed up with him, and even more that you managed to catch the attention of a crowd.

“Hey,” you greet him with a breathless grin.

“You alright?” He checks in.

“Saw that,” you breathe out. “It was fine. Dylan was there to help.”

Harry hums in response, trying to think what he wants to say.

“Did you order?”

“Should be here in a few minutes.”

You drop the menu, flashing him a huge smile. “You’re an angel, H.”

He sits silently, letting you start to tell him about your day when he interrupts your story about Sally burning pancakes last night. “Why did you show up with Dylan?”

You frown, leaning back a bit as he surprised you with the sudden question. “He stayed the night, and I had let Emerson borrow my car for the day, and I had forgotten, and he offered.”

“You stayed with him alone!” Harry exclaims.

“No, Sally, Nina, Saoirse, Tom, and even Sarah stopped by last night for game night.”

Harry huffs, “you could have called me.”

You grimace, “he was heading this way, and you had a meeting this morning.”

“And the paparazzi just so happened to know you were headed here.”

You frown, not liking what he was insinuating. “H, what are you saying?”

He shrugs, taking a drink of his water.

“Do you think Dylan called the paparazzi?” You sound surprised he’d accuse your friend of this.

“We’ve eaten here how many times?” He reminds you, not once have you had a run-in with paparazzi. “Funny he offers you a ride, and you’re conveniently papped together.”

You sit back in your seat, not sure what he meant. He’s been papped out from time to time, sometimes with you and sometimes when he’s out with other friends. There’s this world you live in, and how easy it is to get lost in your own world behind closed doors. Forgetting that others around you will do anything to get a glimpse inside.

“Harry, come on.”

He shakes his head, “forget it.”

After that, lunch is tense, little to no conversation is had, no matter how much you try. He checks his phone more often, making you fall silent. It’s the quietest meal you’ve had, and it makes you upset not knowing what you did wrong. Harry finished his meal before you but didn’t rush you. Not feeling comfortable continuing to eat, you decide you’re finished placing your napkin on top and offering him a small smile. He asks for the check, and soon you’re off, following Harry to his car, wondering if he’s going to take you home or back to his place.

You don’t dare ask.

It’s not until he takes a left turn instead of a right do you sit back in relief, knowing he still wants you around. Even if it is only to sit in silence.

He parks the car. You sit there together in silence, not sure where you stand. You reach out to squeeze his hand to comfort you and let out a breath of relief when he lets you.

“Come on, I’ll make us some tea.”

You’re not sure what conversation awaits you inside, but it’s Harry, and you know together, you can work through anything.

______

Harry is quiet as he lets the kettle warm up. You set your bag on the couch before following after him. You can see he’s tense as he grabs two mugs from the cabinets.

“Need any help?” You offer itching to do something.

“I got it.”

You sit there waiting patiently because you know Harry will bring it up soon. He can only hold something in for so long before he pops, and you know you won’t have to wait long.

Harry pours a cup of chamomile tea into a floral mug you painted when you did a ceramics class together during the holidays. It was his favorite, which is why it resided in his home and not yours.

“I know,” he whispers, breaking the silence you were in.

You stare at him, confused, unsure of what he is referring to. He knows what?

“Sorry, H? I don't know what you mean.”

Harry pushes away his mug before turning to look at you. His eyes look lost and hurt, and you want to fix that; you’re just not sure you know how to.

His frown deepens, “I know—I know about him.”

Harry says him with so much distaste that you’re not sure what he’s referring to. “H,”

“Dylan—that you dated Dylan,” he breathes out, and your face falls in surprise. Harry takes in your reaction and knows Naomi wasn’t lying that you dated Dylan and didn’t bother to tell Harry he was an ex, only claiming he was a close friend.

“Harry,” you whisper, hoping he’ll let you explain.

“You told me he was a friend.”

“He is.”

Harry scoffs, “you can’t be friends with your ex, not when they’re still in love with you.”

You can’t believe he would say throw that in your face when he’s notorious for being friendly with his exes and having them out for shows. Instead of arguing, you allow yourself to take a deep breath and remain seated, hoping he’ll let you explain.

“Can I tell you about this past relationship, so you’re not only running on what you’ve heard?”

“Are you insinuating your friends are lying?” He bites back.

Naomi and Sarai are the only ones that know, besides a few close friends of his. You’re not upset with them. It must have been an accident. You don’t even want to know, but you want to talk this out with Harry.

“Dylan worked on my first movie with me, and I was so scared. He was nice and had a few movies and shows under his belt already. Our chemistry read had gone well, and it’s how I booked the role, but he was my friend first. Nothing happened during filming. I would have never allowed for that to happen on my first Hollywood movie.” You pause because you hadn’t thought back to that time in years when you were full of nerves and not sure how people would accept you as a lead, especially next to an already well-loved actor with a growing fan base by the day. Dylan was a friend, and it wasn’t until after filming wrapped did he ask you on a date. It was complicated, but Harry deserved the truth.

“We wrapped and went our separate ways. He called to check in, and we got to talking. He asked me on a date, and I accepted. He understood how I didn’t want this to be on every magazine when I was growing my name, and he was the star of Teen Wolf. It would have labeled me his girlfriend before I could make a name for myself.” You watch Harry. No emotions cross his face as he listens to you. “We dated close to a year when he wanted to go public and be my date to red carpets. I liked what we had; it was intimate and private, no need to give ourselves away to the public. It’s when we stopped seeing eye to eye. By the time our movie was set to release, we had broken up. Press interviews were hard, but we made it through. Dylan promised he’d be my friend, and he has been.”

Harry stares at you, and you have no idea what he’s thinking. You know you made a mistake by never sharing about Dylan or your other ex, but it’s trivial. The exes in your life didn’t define you and felt pointless to talk about when your last relationship was years before Harry.

“You broke his heart?” Is the first thing Harry asks.

You shrug, “we wanted different things. We were both so young.”

“Did anything ever happen after you broke up?” You freeze, and Harry picks up on your hesitation. “What happened?”

“He was going through a breakup, and I was in New York at the time. I reached out and offered my support. We ordered takeout and talked about how he was doing. One thing led to another,” you run a hand through your hair, feeling overwhelmed. “We agreed it meant nothing.”

Harry couldn’t believe how deep your relationship ran with him. How, even years later, you sought each other out. There’s one question that plagues his mind. “Did he know your family?”

You frown, of course he did, and the confirmation you know will hurt Harry in a way you never wanted. “He met them when I brought my grandparents to tour set on the first film.”

Harry’s face crumbles right in front of you. “He has a part of you I’ll never have,” Harry confesses.

You feel a bit of your heartbreak because you know your family would have loved Harry. Your Abuelo would have dragged him into the kitchen to help, and your Abuela would have taught him all her favorite songs until he could play them back for her.

“I know, I know. You think I don’t know that.” You don’t want to cry. You can’t. “You think I don’t think about it constantly how my family would have loved you, and I never got the chance to introduce them to you. I won’t get to introduce them to anyone important to me, and it kills me, Harry. That’s a pain I carry every day.”

There’s a crack in Harry’s anger, and you know he wants to reach out to hug you, but he stops himself. There’s so much left to say; instead, he lets his anger control him.

“You’ve called him in front of me!” He accuses thinking of the time during tour you sat and congratulated him on his recent film.

“He’s a friend. That’s all he has been for years.” You’re going in circles. It’s like Harry won’t hear a word you’re saying.

Harry scoffs, “not when you’re both single, it seems.”

You shake your head, “you don’t get to be mad about this. It was all before you!”

“Who’s to say he won’t come running when you break my heart, and you’re searching for comfort,” he throws at you knowing the words would hurt, and they do, making cracks in your heart that had never been there before.

“I don’t want to break your heart, Harry,” you soften your voice, pleading for him to listen to you. “I love you. You’re it for me.”

“Then why did you keep him a secret!” Harry screams. “If you loved me, you would have told me. I thought I knew everything about you.” He shakes his head, no longer able to look at you. “It’s clear you don’t trust me.”

“But I do,” your voice cracks as you fail to contain your tears.

“You don’t not as much as I thought you did. I told you about my exes and how I hurt them but also how they hurt me. You know how hard that conversation was for me.” Harry’s eyes are stormy. It’s a look you don’t recognize, and you know you put that dark look there. “I want to be alone.”

“H,” your voice wobbles.

“You need to leave. I want to be alone.”

Instantly you feel your walls rise. You’ve been in this situation before.

“Harry, if you tell me to leave, I won’t be coming back. We’ve had a similar conversation just like this.”

You see Harry freeze taking in your words. “I love you, Bel. I do,” his voice breaks. “I don’t want you to leave me, but I want to be alone. You hurt me, I know you didn’t mean to, but I need this time to process.”

You sigh, backing down. There’s no use in fighting. You walk out, taking out the key that rested next to your shark charm on your key set and placing it next to the empty pink vase missing the flowers you were supposed to pick together tomorrow at the farmer’s market. “Don’t think I deserve this or have your trust to keep it.”

And with that, you walk out the door, leaving your heart with him.

You hadn’t lost him, but it felt like you had.

don't worry there will be a part two...but i'll let you sit with this for now

taglist: @alienorknight @harry-is-on-route-66 @myfavfanficsever @springholland @michellekstyles @harryismyfwend @japanchrry @lechairr @golden-hoax @itsmycorneroftheinternet @harryspirate @tenaciousperfectionunknown @thurhomish @thelovecayon @shawnieeboyy @dontworrysunflower @a-strange-familiar​ @caramello-styles​

[magical-regical]

Continuing my L&DS hyperfixation but also because Owl City just released a new single, here are some owl city songs that remind me of each LI and Caleb

Go under the cut if you want some extremely long commentary on why I picked the songs I did. If you don't care what I have to say, please peruse this TLDR;

Xavier: If My Heart Was a House

Zayne: Car Trouble

Rafayel: My Muse, Rainbow Veins

Caleb: Hot Air Balloon, The Bird and The Worm

Ah you're still here. A few disclaimers before you continue:

Whenever I mention MC in this, I will be using she/her pronouns.

I haven't listened to every owl city song in existence and some songs didn't stick with me the way the songs listed here did so if you think my takes are garbage and I'm a big dumb stupid idiot for not considering the song you're thinking of, uh, feel free to make your own post abt it.

I know sweet f a abt music theory so I'm just going based off vibes and lyrics not composition.

I haven't read Xavier's or Zayne's myth stories to completion and haven't read Rafayel's at all.

Anyway, without further ado, enjoy my lukewarm takes.

Xavier

This song makes me so soft and it's way too easy to imagine Xavier and MC dancing to this. The first lines sound like he's reminiscing of the time he had with MC in her past lives,

You're the sky that I fell through, and I remember the view whenever I'm holding you

The sun hung from a string, looking down on the world as it warmed over everything.

Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine.

Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me.

He pulls her in closer as the first pre-chorus plays. And the two pre-chorus' in this song sound like a conversation between him and his memory of past!MC.

The first one:

We got older and I should've known,

Do you feel alive?

That I'd feel colder when I walk alone

Oh, but you'll survive

The second one:

I walk slowly when I'm on my own

Do you feel alive?

Yea but frankly, I still feel alone.

Oh, but you'll survive

And then the chorus hits and the vibes are immaculate. It feels like you're floating on air and imagine how Xavier looks at MC when the last few lines play,

Risk it all 'cuz I'll catch you if you fall,

Wherever you go,

If my heart was a house, you'd be home.

Because she is the celestial body that orbits around him, his north, his guiding star, and his heart will always be her home.

Zayne

And you can't convince me this isn't one of the songs that plays at their wedding.

This is the catalyst of this post's creation. As of writing this, it's the newest single and I am obsessed with it. So strap in folks, I have a lot to say.

First of all, the first thirty seconds of this song was released as a preview titled 'Floppy Fish' that came out ten years ago and we didn't hear anything else about it until suddenly we get a tweet about it four days ago (as of writing this part) and then this masterpiece. I think it reflects Zayne and MCs relationship quite well, they were childhood friends, lost contact for a while, and now they're reunited to build another beautiful relationship.

On to the song itself, the overall song is about going back to see the person you love even through all sorts of car troubles. The car theme immediately screamed 'Zayne' to me because out of all the boys we see him drive MC around the most.

It's a very upbeat song which contrasts Zayne's stoic personality but the whole song is something I can imagine actually happening to him.

I see the first verse as Zayne trying his damndest to finish up work instead of having actual car troubles,

I've been driving all afternoon, but I hate to say it, I won't be there soon = him working all afternoon and still having to do overtime

And though I'm late you know I just can't wait to come home to my slice of heaven on toast.

But my GrandPrix broke down without fail, another flat tire and another nail = the 'tire' being the hearts he has to operate on and 'another nail' referring to his surgeon's tools (even though the nail in the song is the thing that broke the tire in the first place not the thing fixing the flat)

I miss your smile but this could take a while 'cause this 'road closed' sign says there's no way around. = he can't just ditch work, obviously.

The second verse and chorus is him actually running out of gas on his way back from Akso and just describes his situation. Walking through the rain, only stopping to buy flowers for her.

Hey, it's kinda crazy what daisies jasmines can do.

And then these lines from the third verse,

I'd hand you a coffee right when you woke up

and

... all I find is all these highways wind and lead back to my slice of heaven on toast.

are so cute. Especially the 'slice of heaven on toast' thing since I imagine a slice of heaven on toast would taste sweet.

But wait, it gets better. Because the chorus that comes after goes,

Oh would your heart kind of glow if I held your hand and I promised to stay home?

Hey, when I blow in that's the first thing I'll do

It might take me forever

It might take me forever

But I love you forever and I can't wait to see you.

I'm dead. I'm deceased. I am a puddle of goo on the ground.

The bridge is the most upbeat part of the song and I imagine that's when he gets a call from MC because she's worried about him. Because honestly the line, 'Am I unavoidably detained or extremely fashionably late?' sounds like the kind of dry humor he'd enjoy.

And the song ends as he hangs up and continues his long journey on public transport to come home to her.

Rafayel

Now, fish boy gets two songs because I associate each one with what I like to call 'light mode' and 'dark mode' Rafayel.

I chose both songs because they had like, a lot of imagery involved in them and lean heavily into his whole artist job. So this isn't going to be as in depth as Zayne's lol.

Anyway,

This is light mode Rafayel. The whole song is him talking to MC. He's all happy-go-lucky and filled with inspiration. With how important color is to his current career the song just felt perfect.

The chorus also adds a few nice tidbits of his character,

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains

And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins

'Cause your heart has a lack of color and we should've known

That we'd grow up sooner or later, 'cause we wasted all our free time alone

The first two lines sound like something he'd actually say when he's trying to comfort MC.

The line 'we wasted all our free time alone' sticks out to me because you ever notice this guy doesn't have any friends? Like, Xavier has Jeremiah and the countless old people he's made friends with when they're in their youth and Zayne has his coworkers at the hospital and his old profs. Raffy doesn't really have anyone like that? Sure he has Thomas and his Aunt Talia but judging by how fast they hung up on him after barely wishing him a happy birthday, I can't in good conscience call them his friends.

So yea maybe our boy was so focused on finding MC again he wasted all his free time alone.

Then we have dark mode Rafayel. And no I don't mean dark as in Rafayel when he's in revenge plot mode (whatever that is I don't have enough brain cells to comprehend what his plan could possibly be). I mean dark mode as in it's quite literally night time and he is left with nothing but his own thoughts. MC fell asleep at his place again and he's wistfully staring at her sleeping figure. This is the song in those moments.

Like Xavier, he's reminiscing about the past lives and past MCs. He's remembering the first time he met and the moment he decided she was the one. She was his bride. He's listing all the things he loves about her (which basically boils down to 'everything!'). She is his muse, now and forever.

And then the song ends with:

So I'll say it now before we're at the door that someday we'll walk through,

And if I'm the only one left in the room...

There's nowhere else I'd rather be than home with you.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my heart cracking in two. He will sing you this last line as he pulls you closer, pressing your forehead against his before giving you a nice, long kiss.

Honorable mention goes to the song 'Sunburn' because it's about meeting someone, falling in love, and having to separate in the end (hence, 'she got a tan and I got a sunburn' and 'as we parted ways, she held my gaze and left an imprint on my mind'). I could go deeper and analyze each line like I did w/ Zayne but I've kept the Caleb girlies waiting long enough so we'll stop Raffy's part here.

Caleb

Caleb also gets two songs I chose two songs that have heavy 'childhood friends to lovers' vibes and fitting imagery and I told myself this one was gonna be short and sweet because we don't have as much depth abt his relationship w/ the MC compared to the current LIs but welp, I lied.

'Hot Air Balloon' is the most childhood friends song ever. Every single lyric is just every adventure these two went on when they were children. Writing their own fairy tales, making a racetrack around the kitchen chairs, going on a picnic to a nearby lake and getting a stomachache because you drank lake water even though Grandma Josephine told you specifically not to do that, the list just goes on and on.

It's them. It's little MC and Caleb with lightning in their veins and stars in their eyes as they explore the world around them, not a care in the world because the possibilities are quite literally endless when they have the other person by their side.

And then if 'Hot Air Balloon' was 'childhood friends—', 'The Bird And The Worm' adds on the '—to lovers' part of the trope.

I mean the entire first verse reads like the two kids playing pretend (because let's face it you've had one or two weirdly morbid play pretend sessions when you were a kid) with little Caleb saying he's the bird because of his evol and then little MC's like "then what does that make me?" And little Caleb's like "you're the worm ofc!"

Esp the part about throwing a party and greeting undersea friends (hi Raffy). I could imagine little MC telling little Caleb how she's going to invite the mermaid she made friends with at the beach to their 'party' and Caleb just not having any of it.

I'll throw a party and greet my undersea friends

(it depends)

As they arrive,

(if they arrive)

Then the chorus reads like a time skip. They're adults reminiscing about their childhood at one of the rare moments their schedules align,

You and I left our troubles far behind,

But I still have just one more question on my mind

For all my pals who live in the oceans and the seas

With friends like these well, who needs enemies?

In that moment they're back to being just MC and Caleb, not a hunter and a fighter pilot. And the last two lines sound like they're trading workplace gossip. Caleb tells her about the shenanigans his colleagues get up to and MC telling him about all the...'quirky' people she's been running into (hi Xav) and then being cheeky and going 'with friends like these, who needs enemies?'

And then you move to the second verse and it's them on a date. It's them on the most damn wholesome date you can imagine, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

Like first they go apple picking,

If I'm your boy, we'll take a short cut we remember and we'll enjoy—

—picking apples in late September like we've done for years.

We'll take a long walk through the cornfield and I'll kiss you between the ears.

Then they come home and cook together (maybe make a pie with the apples they just picked or some other apple based dish?),

And as we twirl, the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling will shine for us

If you're my girl, swirl me around your room with feeling

As love sweeps over the room cuz' we tend to make, each other blush

(you make me blush)

They're so used to each other's presence even in a kitchen that can be considered a little cramped, they can perfectly navigate around each other.

After the two had eaten a delicious dinner, they are now cuddled on the couch with a blanket over the two of them, some movie playing on the TV. MC starts nodding off so Caleb picks her up and moves her to the bedroom, letting her snuggle against him. He brushes some loose strands of hair away so he can kiss her forehead,

"Love ya pipsqueak, sleep well."

And before drifting off he hears MC mumble a sleepy "I love you too..."

And that's how their perfect day ends.

You're the bird, I'm the worm and it's plain to see,

That we were meant to be.

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Author's rambling

Haaaa, I finally finished it yay! If you're reading this, thanks for reading this far! (or if you're a Caleb stan and just decided to read his part only, hello!)

I hope you enjoyed my takes. This was fun, I loved breaking down each song and just rambling my heart out over why each song gives me vibes for which character.