#reader x joel g

[amphibiahawks321]

[Ena with her usual over the top grin, hands outstretched with a bouquet in hand]

Ena : Oh good evening, my favourite customer! Have you considered the wonders of the experience of a date? Limited time offer! No refunds, but a guarantee of unforgettable memories!

[Y/N raising an eyebrow, amused by the gesture with a smile and a chuckle]

M!Reader : Are you asking me out, or trying to sell me insurance?

[Ena pauses, blinks a few times... Then drops the salesman tone immediately—

Ena : How fucking dense are you?! Yes, I'm asking you out, you think I go around handing out fake coupons and smiles for just anyone? What kind of professional do you take me for, dumbass!

[Y/N still grinning, not even fazed]

M!Reader : Alright, alright I’ll take the deal, One date, no refunds?

[Ena blinks, caught off guard for a split second, Then—her salesman tone is back, bright smile snapping back into place]

Ena : Oh Wonderful choice, My number one customer! You won’t regret it! And, with our limited-time special, you can also enjoy bonus add-ons such as : hand-holding, flirty banter, and... something special that you'll see at the end!

M!Reader : ...is it what I think it is or–

[Ena twitches, immediately drops back to her meanie self, voice raised]

Ena : YES! HOW DUMB ARE YOU?! YES, I WANNA MAKE OUT! I THOUGHT THAT WAS OBVIOUS BY NOW! Matter of fact how about I give the bonus early so I can shut your mouth up!

M!Reader : Pftt–Chuckles... You’re adorable when you’re mad—!!!?!?

[Y/N immediately felt a grip on his clothing by ena's hand–as she immediately push him closer to her making them inches away from touching lips]

Ena : HOW ABOUT I FUCKING KISS YOU SO DAMN HARD YOU FORGET YOUR OWN NAME, HUH?!

M!Reader : ....

M!Reader blushing : L-Lets calm down for a minute...

[pukefactory]

Dream BBQ ENA X a reader who is really trying to keep that they're crushing on her HARD under wraps because this isn't their world and ENA's a polygon. ENA catches on IMMEDIATELY and does everything she can to make it so the reader falls even harder

•☽────✧˖°˖ BATTLE AGAINST A WEIRD OPPONENT ˖°˖✧────☾•

★ Summary: A Compilation of Headcanons Featuring Salesperson Ena Trying To Make You Fall Head Over Heels For Her

★ Character(s): Salesperson Ena (Ena: Dream BBQ)

★ Genre: Headcanons, SFW

★ Warning(s): None - Completely Safe!

★ Image Credits: @JoelG

☆ You were doing so well. Keeping your head down, avoiding eye contact, not reacting to her dual-voice tangents. And then she asked, “Do you dream in polygons now?” You choked on your own breath. Ena stared, curious. “Oh dear,” she said sweetly. “Did I corrupt your sleep schedule already?”

☆ Your resolve: ironclad. Your poker face: flawless. Your downfall: Ena leaning too close and whispering, “You’re looking at me like I’m a business deal you’re scared to make.” You dropped the clipboard. She caught it effortlessly. “That was romantic, wasn’t it?” she asked, pleased with herself. “Let me try again later.”

☆ She notices you flinch every time she switches tones, so she starts doing it more. Salesperson voice: “You’re glowing, like someone about to make an investment in destiny.” Meanie voice: “Gross. Get your feelings off the floor before someone slips.” You develop an entirely new kind of anxiety.

☆ You tried to pull away when she touched your hand. “Oh, my apologies,” she said. “Do humans have protocols for heart palpitations caused by interdimensional coworkers?” You sputtered. She took it as a yes and continued holding your hand anyway. “Good. I am now your official stress test.”

☆ She starts narrating your reactions in real time. “Subject’s cheeks are red. Pulse elevated. Avoiding eye contact. Diagnosis: terminal crush,” she says. Then pauses. “How delightful.” You flee the room. She follows. “Is this a chase scene? Should I tackle you with affection?”

☆ You confessed to Froggy in a whisper that you might maybe have a tiny thing for Ena. The she popped out from behind a pillar. “Hello,” she said. “I have overheard and over-processed everything. Let’s start your treatment plan.” It involved exactly zero distance and too much eye contact.

☆ She starts collecting phrases that make you freeze. “Sweetheart.” “Colleague of my soul.” “Irregular heart rhythm.” Each one is weaponized. “Today’s word is… darling,” she hums, and then watches you combust like a cheap firework. “Excellent. I love data.”

☆ You once said “I don’t have feelings for you” and she replied, flatly, “That’s infaccurate.” No elaboration. Just a long, knowing stare and the sound of your denial unraveling like yarn from a cat’s claws. Later, she handed you a sticky note that said “Try again. I’ll wait.”

☆ You can’t even escape her in your dreams. One night, she showed up floating above a candy-colored skyline and whispered, “You can’t hide from the inevitable.” You woke up screaming. She was waiting by your bed with tea. “I monitor the sleep cycle of all my favorites.”

☆ Eventually, you break. You shout at her, spilling out your true feelings. Ena blinks. Then smiles. “Wonderful,” she says, taking your face in her hands. “I like you too. Your agony was delightful. Now we can move into the next phase of emotional entanglement.” You whimper. She beams. “Progress.”

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Since Dream BBQ released I got an idea. Can you do Meanie!ENA x Shy!Fem! Reader where reader is from the human world and works as ENA's salespartner. You can also add teasing/limes if you'd like.

Yay! First Ena request since 2021 (I think lol)

I'll leave out the last part so this is completely sfw

....................

"You know, I'm still impressed that you could understand all these people. Are language barriers just...nonexistent here?"

"Barriers? What a silly prospect, dearest." Ena chuckled as she looked at the list of jobs you were both assigned to carry out. "Let's proceed onwards. Everything we do will bring us one step closer to--turning off that goddamn smoke and giving the Boss a piece of my mind!!"

"Wah!" You jumped back in fright as her "meanie" side started yelling out of the blue, crushing the paper in her grasp.

Having known her for so long, you should be used to this being a daily occurrence...yet somehow she never fails to startle you.

"Did you forget the mission?! This isn't a date!! Put those squishy eyes to work and start looking for that last pet...or baby..or..or whatever!!"

"...y-yes ma'am." Sighing, you tried to shake off your nerves and search for the final trail of blood, not wanting to get her any angrier.

You weren't sure how you winded up together, or how you even got thrown into this strange world in the first place, but Ena was the first to find you. She dragged you into her "business", where you also met Froggy and learned more about what they did.

While you didn't fully understand everything, you knew this much: you've been going around doing favors for people who, for some reason, despised Ena's species. Even if you didn't know what they were saying, their general attitude towards her implies that she did something really, really terrible...or they could be mistaking another Ena's actions for hers.

But you didn't know anything about her past, nor what her kind might've did except exist, though it was through your intervention alone that helped most clients to calm down.

Sometimes, it was difficult for you to speak up given your shy demeanor, which hasn't quite left your personality even now. Although with time it got easier, and Ena helped you come out of that shell more and more.

Of course, you made sure clients fully paid you both for your services--but instead of using cash like you expected, the popular currency here was apparently "chocolates". They were edible, although Ena advised you to hold onto them.

So this was pretty much your new life, and somewhere down the line she became your girlfriend. Her "Salesperson" side loved you dearly and made sure you didn't put yourself in any danger, often speaking on your behalf.

The only problem was getting along with her Meanie side to where her outbursts didn't scare you anymore, and perhaps...you could uncover that bit of softness hiding behind her rough exterior.

That became your mission, and you hoped to make at least a little bit of progress if you're going through all of this trouble to find the Genies and convince them to clear the smoke.

After finding the last pet and bringing it back to Shoryo, you received a handful of chocolates. It was then you realized you've lost track of Ena and searched around the land, eventually finding her near the bridge.

A ratlike person was seemingly guarding it, hoarding different things and looking very alarmed at her presence.

He began yelling in Italian, stomping around and flailing his arms about until suddenly--

He collapsed, fainting much like a goat would when startled. But he stopped moving entirely, and Ena just stared down at him.

"What the hell? I was gone for five minutes!" Mortified, you rushed over and kneeled down. "Sir, can you hear me? Are you-?"

"Don't even tell me you were gonna say "alright". What does it look like?!"

"We have to help him, Ena." Looking up, you saw Meanie's expression remain unchanged, and you sighed. "Please. I know the lost witch probably went over this bridge, but..it feels wrong to cross without his permission."

"....."

"Pretty please?"

"....ugh fine. Let me at him." With a huff, she urged you to move aside while she somehow magically revived the hoarder, who seldom thanked you both and apologized for his outburst.

The stresses of his work were creeping up on him, and apparently he was growing paranoid of the purple villager who stood on a nearby decrepit building, convinced they were scheming to take his "property".

So he tasked--or demanded, rather--that you covered their eyes with something.

Eventually, your aimless wandering led you to a small green alien who was trapped within a bubblegum vending machine with three legs. They were eager to sell you products, but after recognizing Ena, they seemed frightened and insisted they couldn't sell anything to her.

"Okay, now you're being ridiculous." You frowned. "You have something we want, and we're trying to-"

"Guys, guys! Wait!!"

Turning to your girlfriend, you could see Meanie's eyes growing wide--as though she was terrified of something. Her head was spinning, her limbs discombobulating.

It was unlike anything you've seen before. "Ena..?"

"I'M NOT DOING WHAT YOU SAY I'M DOING!!" She yelled out. "I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING!! I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING AT ALL-!"

"Ena! Hey. Hey."

Feeling hands on her shoulders, she suddenly looked at you. Her eyes were still wide, but she had seemingly returned to reality as she calmed down. "[Y/n]?"

"Yeah, it's me." You reassured, moving to take her shaking hands into yours. "You're alright. I believe you."

"........"

Somehow, the vending machine alien was moved by your words, and allowed her to buy one thing and one thing only: mayonnaise that was apparently good for the eyes, but you both knew what to do with it.

Before setting off to complete the hoarder's request, you wandered around a bit to see if anybody else needed help.

But you kept thinking back to Ena's apparent panic attack and stopped for a moment, clearing your throat. "So...um-"

"You heard nothing."

"....did you even know what I was gonna-?"

"Don't back-sass me, sweetheart!" She spun around to face you angrily, fists shaking. "You wanna walk the road alone?!"

"No." You put your hands up in defense. "I'd....much rather walk it with you. Wherever it might lead us, I hope we can face it together."

Meanie blinked, surprised by your words. They sounded so sweet, so endearing...and it made a slight blush rise to that specific side of her face. "Ugh....y-you're lucky you're cute." She grumbled, handing you the paper. "Let's just go find that bug-eyed moron and be done with this."

"Alright." Nodding, you led the way, although occasionally you'd glance back at your girlfriend to see her geometric claws trying to cover up the blush--to no avail. You smiled sweetly, and she just stared at you, the burning sensation getting worse. "You know, you're not too bad, Meanie."

"What did you do to me? Why does my face feel like it's on fire??"

"It's called "being bashful", honey. Humans feel that sometimes, especially around the person they love." You winked.

She just mumbled something unintelligible, her hat hiding her eyes from you, but you both kept continuing forward.

'Huh, there's a way to crack through that exterior after all..'

[doinkbunny]

✧₊⁺ THE RED MEANS I LOVE YOU 𝜗𝜚

𑁯 Yandere ENA admiring reader.

ᵎᵎ.˖ꪆ𖠵꒷ Pst! Cherry says: In which you ramble like a kid to ena but she's too distracted admiring to pay attention. This fic was fueled by my absolute adoration with this silly girl, i need her so baddd so i might make another fic like this if this gets enough attention. (There's mlp reference in this btw.)

.ᐟ.ᐟ.ᐟ Warnings: Obsession (duh), possessiveness, Meanie is almost cracking while salesman is on her last thread.

𝜗𝜚 Type: Fluff, romantic, one shot.

｡𖦹°‧ Song: Lovers rock.

"Beautiful, so beautiful," she felt so fuzzy anytime she looked or talked to you.

That's one of the many, many things you were doing to her, and there are so many reasons why. She loved the way your lips moved, the way you'd subtly increase the intensity of your gesticulation whenever you got too excited talking, and even when you would accidentally choke over your own words.

She was head over heels for you. It was quite the exquisite scenario, even: someone making the unforgivable and chaotic ENA grow a feeling or two. And obliviously.

You were sat with ENA near the lake, your hands moving random circles and squares in the air, your feet touching the water subtly with some of your hand movements while you intensely ranted to her, your excited tone never wavering.

And so did Ena's continuous admiration.

As you kept going with your explanation of some type of pony cartoon, Ena couldn't help but admire the way you looked so excited to talk to her, of all people. Most people would have distanced themselves once they heard the rumors about Ena, but you? No, you were different.

And maybe that's why she's so hooked, because you treated her like a human, something visible and with feelings—the bare minimum.

And only God knows how that made her feel good.

You made her feel something she'd never felt before so spontaneously, it was almost soul-bonding, and that's when she immediately knew you two needed to stay close.

To her luck, you actually enjoyed her presence and would often seek it more than she wished for, consequently making her need to see you satiated. That was good.

What was bad, though, were the times she'd have to stay away from you—unwillingly, making her miss you almost immediately.

These times would come so suddenly, and not only because of her stupid jobs from her deplorable job. Sometimes duty calls for you, and then, she'd be forced to just let you go.

While her salesman side was good at hiding her frustration, Meanie was almost combusting from the inside out, forcing Salesman to take control in order to avoid any... mistakes, letting you go so easily but hesitantly.

And once you're gone? That disgusting sensation of longing to feel you once again would fill her quite quickly; that would make any hidden frustration pop out like a balloon under any slight pressure.

Ena can't handle it—she wants you so badly. Your detailed and well-rendered polygons against her badly loaded ones makes her feel so less nauseous.

Gosh, she wishes she could just—

"Ena?" A voice calls out, her name catching the desired attention; hers, shutting down the continuation of her previous thought quickly, her head jerking slightly from on top of her palm that was supporting it before, her eyes landing on the source that called her name.

You.

Her signature smile popped on her face rapidly as once her attention was back to the world outside her thoughts, erasing any trace of possible tension.

"I'm sorry, my dear, I've gotten quite distracted by my own brain. What was the topic of the conversation, again?"

"Oh, nothing, just a silly show about ponies and friendship... What were you thinking about, anyways? You looked pretty deep in thought."

You curiously and somewhat worriedly asked, gaining a different type of endearing smile, a little short laugh, and a light pat on your head from Ena, her eyes closing ever so slightly with the smiling.

"I can assure you it's nothing but some silly reflections. Don't worry your pretty little head."

Word Count: 382

[spirit-of-a-kiger]

What if someone were to join either of the ENAs in their weird, random little dances?

Do you think they'd be offended, or would they wanna dance with you?

[decay-1]

Ena imagine 01

Soldier!Ena smirks as she holds you into a dip with one hand.

The other holds a gun, perfectly aimed at an entity’s gut, an entity she couldn’t care less for.

 All she wanted to focus on was you. Only you. 

Looking into your eyes makes her fall in love all over again.

Her eyes soften, and she draws closer, your perfect nose gently brushing against hers. 

She chuckles softly; it was no secret that she was love-sick.

A bang goes off as your lips finally connect.

[realangelahernandez]

When he’s written by Lana del Rey

[rekino2114]

Could you do Ena BBQ with a gullible S/O? Like salesperson Ena could be trying to get them to buy the most obviously bs product know to humankind and the S/O still falls for it up until meanie Ena finally has enough and yells at them for buying into salesperson Ena’s crap and points out that the product OBVIOUSLY doesn’t work and then proceeds to yell at her red half for trying to scam their lover type of thing.

[You're sitting on the ground doing nothing and looking at the horizon when suddenly ena forms herself from nothing and appears in front of you]

Ena:greetings my dearest darling love, oh boy, do I have something incredibly great and valuable for my favorite client on this fine (but not as fine as you) day

Y/n:[gasps] do you have another one of your super cool products?

Ena:Indeed, I have the very pleasurable pleasure of presenting you with an incredible and affordable product, here is....

[Drumrolls start coming out of nowhere as what you could only describe as a pure black cube of nothingness appears in her red hand]

Ena:a thing! You can use it to do stuff!

[You gasp again as you start starting wide-eyed at the thing in her hand]

Y/n:Really? That's amazing! I love things, and I love doing stuff! I have to have this

Ena:I'm delighted you are positively electrified at this prime opportunity because as we are entangled in this romantic endeavor it would be just cruel to make the person that makes the thing inside my chest move erratically pay the standard price of 5 chocolates, so just for you, just for today, you will have a special lover discount, and the thing will be 3 chocolates instead!

Y/n:Oh my God! That's a steal! I'll get it now

[You're about to take the chocolates out of your pocket, but suddenly, ena's meanie form takes over]

Ena:Hey idiot what are you doing!? You're seriously falling for her scams again?

Y/n:What do you mean? That thing is great and she even gave me a discount

[Ena looks at the item in her hand before grunting and throwing it away behind her]

Ena:it was trash, and I don't mean that figuratively, she literally dug that out of the trash

Y/n:really?

Ena:Yeah, so don't buy any other junk from her, got it? I can't come in and save you from spending all your chocolate on useless trash all the time

Y/n:Isn't convincing people to buy useless trash your entire job?

[Ena blushes and starts stuttering and avoiding your gaze]

Ena:y-yeah, but I mean, y-you're not a client!

Y/n:oh yeah I guess

[Ena's salesperson form takes over again as she smiles]

Ena:Well, in my view, everyone is a potential client, even you, my love, although I suppose I could tone down the useless things, for example, how about a kiss? It'll only cost you 1 chocolate

[Her meanie form starts speaking again]

Ena:Don't charge them for kisses!

Ena:i was only pulling our equally polygonal leg, of course kisses are free of charges

Y/n:Oh, that's good, I was starting to get worried I would go broke

Ena:........you'd.....actually pay money to kiss me?

Y/n:obviously, I can't just refuse kissing the love of my life

[Ena blushes again]

Ena:ngh! Y-you're such a dummy

Y/n:but I'm your dummy right?

Ena:Indeed, although I do have an actual dummy I sold a while ago but you are way more beautiful and talkative and also not made of wood, which is a plus

Y/n:hehe

[You and ena walk away while kissing]

[bertieorangy]

ENA : would you still employ me if I was a worm 🥺

Boss!Y/N : I’m currently away, please send “EMERGENCY” if it’s urgent

ENA : EMERGENCY

Boss!Y/N : are you fucking kidding me

[amphibiahawks321]

[Moonie is seen screaming while pushing Ena across the space like a shopping cart towards Y/N]

Moonie : I CAAAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

[Y/N jolts upright, shocked about how fast Moonie was pushing Ena as they both finally arrived near him]

M!Reader : H-HUH?!?

[Moonie stops gritting her teeth and shoves Ena slightly towards Y/N]

Moonie : She keeps talking about you–NONSTOP! Your smile, your voice, the way you said GOOD MORNING! I haven't had a quiet second in DAYS! I’m leaving her with you for a couple hours, Don’t let her combust, i NEED some me time!

[Moonie disappears into the void, muttering about sanity, Ena stands there, blinking]

[Ena's stops blinking as she stares at her side and sees Y/N–immediately glimmering, her eyes fill with excitement]

M!Reader : ...Should I be flattered or concerned? It's not everyday you see Moonie crack—...Ena what are you–!!?!?

[Ena crackes her knuckles and without a second to waste–Immediately pounces onto Y/N like a tiger catching a deer, making both fall onto the ground]

[satori-runa]

—A trip for business

Summary: Your partner ENA takes you along on a sudden business trip to search for the bathroom.

Tags: ooc, established relationship, not beta read

Words: 0,5k

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

You blinked at the stranger in front of you, then at ENA, then back again, trying to piece together how reality had shifted into this.

The last clear moment you remembered was sitting peacefully in a patch of dappled light, folding paper cranes. It was a peaceful task, especially since you’d been “forcibly” sent on vacation by someone who claimed you needed to “relax.” You were just starting to enjoy it when ENA appeared right in front of you.

“Wouldn’t you like to come with me on a whimsical little errand?” she had asked amused, already pulling you to your feet. Before you could decline or even ask where you were going, ENA had gripped your hand and dragged you through a blue door that forcefully squeezed all life force out of your poor body.

Now you were apparently on a “business trip” and inexplicably involved in her search for the bathroom.

“Do not worry, I am merely seeking the g—bathroom,” ENA said with an eerily pleasant tone towards the stranger, her hand still wrapped tightly around yours. Her smile twitched. “My partner and I are currently on a business run, so please excuse our abruptness an—” Suddenly, her voice pitched up like a television on the fritz. “AND GET LOST IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY INFORMATION, YOU SWINDLING CARTOON OF A FRAUD!”

You barely had time to react before ENA yanked her hand away, only to gently clap it over your ears with the grace of someone tucking in a child for bed, before screaming. The poor stranger in front of you visibly trembled, then slowly collapsed into a puddle of goo and confusion. The search for the bathroom seemed more troublesome than expected.

And yet ENA smiled sweetly down at you. “Apologies, I didn’t want your precious little brain to implode from the audial assault, starshine.” You looked up at her, ears still faintly ringing. “Is… this normal for your business?”

ENA scoffed, face twitching into a scowl as her colors shifted. “Tch, obviously. What, you think I drag just anyone through cross-dimensional errands and yell for them?” Her grip tightened on your hand, but not painfully, just enough to feel her fluster. “I-I just thought... You’d enjoy my presence, alright?” she added, a glitchy pout forming on her face. “So wipe that surprised look off your dumb little face already!”

You blinked at her.

She blinked back, suddenly wide-eyed. “W-Wait. That didn’t come out right.”

You tilted your head, lips twitching in amusement as you realized that ENA got herself flustered.

“Oh my god, you’re laughing at me—!” Her voice peaked as her face burned red, then blue, then fuzzed out entirely. Just as she started to glitch further into an emotional spiral, a sudden flicker ran through her form. Her posture straightened, her expression smoothed into something calm, composed, and—oddly charming and all colours returned to her face.

“My deepest apologies, what I meant was, that I enjoy spending time with you,” she said, voice velvet-smooth and measured, like a well-rehearsed commercial.

You couldn’t help but laugh again.She leaned in, close enough for her to fluster you. “Besides,” she murmured, “I do quite enjoy having you at my side. Flustered malfunctions and all.”

Perhaps this little business trip wasn't as bad.

[pukefactory]

(Absolutely don’t do this if you aren’t comfortable) ENA (Dream bbq) getting drunk with reader?

•☽────✧˖°˖ FIZZY VALLEY ˖°˖✧────☾•

★ Summary: A Compilation of Headcannons Featuring Drunk Salesperson Ena X Reader

★ Character(s): Salesperson Ena (Ena: Dream BBQ)

★ Genre: Headcanons, SFW

★ Warning(s): Mentions And Descriptions Of Alcohol

★ Image Credits: @JoelG

☆ You should’ve known something was off when Ena invited you to what she called “a high-stakes engagement strategy brainstorm over beverages.” You were picturing coffee. Not tequila. Not her slamming two shot glasses on the bar and declaring, “Let’s reframe the concept of reality, darling.” She drinks like it’s a performance review—firm eye contact, exaggerated praise, and PowerPoint levels of misplaced confidence.

☆ Once Ena’s a few drinks in, her Salesperson side becomes so aggressively charming it’s like being smothered in coupon codes. “If you subscribe to this partnership now, I’ll offer you unlimited emotional support and complimentary hand-holding,” she hums, voice like cherry soda and half-suppressed giggles. You try to hide your flustered expression. She sees it. She logs it as “high conversion potential.”

☆ Her Meanie side doesn’t come out often at first—until she tries to order fries, but the kitchen’s closed. Suddenly she’s slamming her forehead on the bar, sobbing, “I AM THE TRAGIC EMBODIMENT OF CORPORATE WASTE—WHERE’S MY SALTED PRODUCTIVITY?!” You offer her a peanut. She throws the bowl at a breathing taxidermy moose.

☆ “Here’s your performance feedback,” she slurs, twirling a swizzle stick like a laser pointer, “You’re hot. You show initiative. You opened a door for me once. I will die for you.” You tell her that’s not how feedback works. She pulls out a clipboard from her suspenders and tries to make you sign a form titled “Love Contract (Beta).”

☆ She draws gimmicks on napkins. Terrible ones. Drunk ideas like “emotionally sentient office chairs” and “a pyramid scheme where everyone sells little hats.” You try to say “maybe we shouldn’t do this.” She claps a hand on your back like a frat bro and shouts, “WRONG ATTITUDE, PARTNER. THINK BIGGER.” Then she draws a diagram that’s just the word “VIBES” in a circle.

☆ She stares at you for a full minute, eyes glassy, voice flat: “Are you in the mood for shared assets and mutual annihilation, or should I put on my mask again and pretend not to like you?” You blink. She blinks. Her red side winks. You are either about to get kissed or yelled at. Or both. Probably both.

☆ The bar has one of those ancient karaoke machines. She picks a glitchy jazz remix of the Windows 95 startup sound. Halfway through she forgets the words (there are no words) and starts yelling improvised business jargon in rhythm. “Synergize my dividends, baby! Let’s OUTSOURCE THE PAIN!” Someone in the back cheers. You cry.

☆ Her Salesperson side leans over the counter, cheeks flushed, voice soft and too sincere: “Do you think people like me more when I smile? I’ve been smiling all night. It hurts now. But I—I want to be liked. I want you to like me. For me. Even if I mess up the pitch.” And her Meanie side chimes in: “GØD, I hate being real.”

☆ You’re not sure what triggered it—maybe someone said “quarterly”—but suddenly she’s sobbing into your shoulder like a malfunctioning LinkedIn ad. “I DIDN’T ASK TO BE A PRODUCT OF CAPITALISM! I just wanted to sell fruit. Or stickers! Or happiness! But now I’m selling ME!” You rub her back. She hiccups and asks if you’d still like her if she was “just a weird triangle girl with debt.”

☆ The bar’s quiet now. Her hat’s fallen off. You’re holding her upright and she’s murmuring nonsense like, “Let’s invest in each other’s feelings… diversify the pain into smaller dividends… I’ll build a company out of your laugh…” Then, barely audible: “You’re my best client. Don’t ever unsubscribe.” You smile. You don’t say anything. You just let her rest.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Could you do a ENA DREAM BBG short with Reader busting a gut at the Shaman's "go away Ena, and get a life" statement, while Ena is unamused?

"Now...go away, Ena! And get a LIFE!! That shall be your quest for today!!" The Shaman declared, his hands waving around wildly before he vanished back into the machine he came from.

You and Ena stood there for a brief moment, with her staring into the glowing pink pool surrounding the contraption, wondering what this "life" was and how she could acquire it.

But you, on the other hand, couldn't help but crack up.

Hearing the odd sound that left your lips--one that you were desperately trying yet failing to conceal--she turned her head to you, confusion and concern displayed on her face in equal measure.

"Did he just tell you to get a life??? Oh my god--that's.....I'm sorry--" You began laughing hysterically, damn near keeling over as you held your stomach. "That's INSANE. "Get a life"! God, I can't breathe--oh, man.."

"I'm not qualified in CPR training, so please continue breathing..for both our sakes." Ena muttered, unamused as she stood there awkwardly. "Tell me...what was so funny about his request?"

Once you were able to catch your breath, you looked at her, still trying to hold back your giggles. "O-Oh. I forgot..uh..."get a life" is another human idiom. I'll tell you about that one later." You coughed into your fist, finally managing to settle down and not look like a crazy person anymore. "Whew...I'm okay now. Looks like we need to find something he can use to create life. Maybe the witches know a thing or two about that practice. Let's visit them next."

"What insight you have, my friend!" Her Salesperson side grinned. "Let's go check off that box, shall we? And you can enlighten me on this idiom along the way. You're like an endless well of knowledge, and I crave more understanding!"

You weren't sure what to say to that, but it sounded like a compliment, so you just nodded and followed her out of the Seal House.

In less than ten seconds, you've explained the idiom to her. Somehow she manifested a pen and paper from her suspenders, taking long detailed notes about how and when she should appropriately use it--only to throw them away as you approached your next client.

Apparently, her Meanie side didn't like the way she was being spoken to, despite them only saying all but two words to her.

And that was enough for her to draw out the megaphone.

"AT LEAST WE'RE CONTRIBUTING SOMETHING TO SOCIETY!! STOP COMPLAINING AND GET A LIFE, MORON!!"

Once again, you find it difficult to contain your laughter, tears coming to your eyes.

You've trained her well.

[pocketmania]

ENA X Male!Reader that IS basically a computer Vírus,I think It Will be like this relationship

Girl with her Eldritch boyfriend

[A/N] hello jp!! Thank you for requesting! Aaaand sorry for the wait‼️

Alsoooo dream BBQ is out!! I watched gameplay of it, and it was so super good! If you're able to play it, I recommend it! I'll link the game underneath this post just in case any of you decide to check it out for yourselves :]

Now onto the thingy

# ENA w/ a Virus!Reader

(🎭🌙👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨💭) - ENA headcanons

(reader type) - AMAB & masculine; a virus / eldritch monster within ENA's world

(‼️warnings) - body horror

(quick summary) - headcanons about ENA dating the Reader, who is a virus

♨ jesus christ how did you two end up together. more importantly why am I the one asking this question I'm the writer

♨ on a random trip to visit an in-universe mall, ENA spotted you from afar and went up to you, making conversation like she typically does

♨ from that point on, you both kept meeting up coincidentally on separate adventures. then you began to join ENA on her adventures. fast forward about 2 years of awkward small talk and lots of denying that you're in love, ENA confesses to you rather indirectly/vaguely

❝ I'm cweating a fwightwess dodo out of myself in fwont of the pewrson who scawes the voices away the most! ❞

❝ Hey, don't be like th—what did you say? ❞

♨ Okay, here's the thing

♨ Unfortunately, whatever you touch becomes all... glitchy and nonsensical. Moreso than whatever it already is

♨ ENA herself discovered this fact when she tried to hold your hand. You failed to warn her in time, and it glitched out. You had to go on a mini adventure to help her out

♨ After this incident, you found a nice workaround: three-dimensional gloves. You make the lack of being able to kiss or even hug from time to time work, however

♨ Your stature and overall demeanor are VERY intimidating and kind of scary. You're also... quite dangerous because of how unstable your code is

♨ That did not stop the Picasso Painting Lady. If anything, it motivated her

♨ In an attempt to get closer to you and become "an ideal and ultimate significant other" as she'd call it, she began to ask around for dating advice from people, some she really should not be taking advice from

♨ Like Moony

❝ Get them your favorite type of flowers to remind them of what kind of flowers you like. Flawless plan! ❞

❝ My, my! With these tips, I'll certainly be the apple of (Y/N)'s eye! ❞

♨ Despite your incredibly different backgrounds, you're very open with each other (which many people are surprised by)

♨ Going back to the bodily factor, your body is kinda fucked up

♨ Like I said, your code is unstable, which means that your form is unstable as well. It changes a lot, and you feel self-conscious about it, but mask it with your toughness and whatnot

♨ Once you told ENA, she was constantly reminding you that you looked stunning and helping you understand that you looked completely fine

♨ Similar to my last batches of ENA headcanons, you are, like, the only person who's nice to ENA

♨ You'll obviously have your moments, but you're nicer to her than anyone else so

♨ Dates are intended to be minimal and relaxing, but you always end up getting lost on your way home

♨ Basically monster × monster kisser

♨ You will not hesitate to corrupt anything that stands in her way

♨ Despite how different you two are, it doesn't matter. Your differences only bring the best out of one another, and in a world like this, different is all you know <3

Play Dream BBQ here!

[kisielzmozgu]

OBITO introduction !

[decay-1]

Sneak-peek

(This is only the 2nd edit so dont mind any mistakes)

 “Y-Y/n…!” she rose up in surprise, her hand lifting up to touch your face.

she stuttered.  she's never stuttered before.

her fingers shook as they ghosted your cold face. she knew how fragile humans were, it was stupid of her to take you, so stupid. Now she's failed her job, her job to protect you, the job she took as the highest priority. 

She’s never failed at her job before, why did it have to be now? was this her karma for all she’s done? she was just following orders, this isn’t fair. Not fair at all.

she groaned.

“Why did you follow me, you-…you idiot…!” she shook her head and looked down at her fallen hat, brushing off her sickness, she could worry about that later, but now you were her number one priority. You always are. Despite her tone, she wasn’t angry at you, but rather herself. She needed to fix her mistake, she needed to help you and make sure this never happened again.

She musters the courage to look back up at you.

your lifeless stare terrified her.