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butterbabyflapjack · 2 months ago

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chapter3 . hypocrites

✧˖° Brian Moser x serial killer fem!reader

✧˖° summary:

The Ice Truck Killer’s back in town, and somehow he's stuck babysitting you; Miami's newest would-be killer.

Helping you out wasn't at all his original intention–he'd rather see you dead, you know far too much–but he supposes he could spare an evening to undomesticate that hungry beast inside you. Show you how to really live your life.

In which Brian helps you kill someone who utterly deserves it, and the kill room turns into a horny sex-fueled bloodbath.

✧˖° wordcount: 3.3k

✧˖° chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six

✧˖° ao3

✧˖° taglist: @fionasapple88 @alllaboutangel @fan-goddess @ireallydontknowohcrabs

✧˖° warnings: serial killer fem!reader, reader insert, explicit sexual content, rough sex, passionate sex, fucking in a kill room, dark romance, dark comedy, canon typical depictions of blood and gore, enthusiastic consent, dubious consent, mutual pining, impact play, playing with your food, serial killers in love, banter, dirty talk, voice kink, trauma bonding, babysitting a serial killer, implied sexual abuse of a child (you're killing this mf don’t worry), torture (you’re torturing this mf don’t worry), Brian is his own warning, enemies to lovers, biting, daddy issues?, blood play, a bit of angst a dash of bloodlust & a heavy splash of spice, Brian loves to fluster you and he won't shut the hell up going about it, Brian survives season 1 in this house

✧˖° author's note:

okay. so guys. the next and final part ended up being like 30k, so I’m splitting it up into multiple chapters.

PLEASE BE AWARE: the “enthusiastic consent” tag remains and is 100% valid, but I’ve also added “dubious consent”. having both will make sense by the end of your night. lots of shit going down lol

✧˖° chapter 3

Something hangs in the air of this moment. Flexes through it like light before rain. Something heavy, that sticks to your skin; dragonfly wings trapped in the sugar-sheen of Florida sweat. And even now, when it’s so quiet that you can finally think, it’s all you feel—those wings, trapped and buzzing on your skin, discomfort raking all across you.

In the hush of Brian’s car, speeding forward through the night, you reach for the knob of the radio between you. Cranking up whatever song is playing though you can hardly hear a thing.

You don’t want to be alone with your thoughts anymore tonight.

You’re over second guessing.

If you’re losing your mind, there's no gaining it back now. What’s done is done, and what’ll happen as a result was always going to happen.

There’s nothing you can do to stop what's in motion tonight, so why are you even still questioning? Why are you anxious? This was all your idea.

Beside you in the dark, Brian glances your way. One hand on the wheel as it seems your silent tension’s somehow caught in his periphery. Street lights strobing in and out of both your visions as his sleek car races past them; ruby-black in humid moonlight.

”Seems you have a lot on your mind…” he observes. And his tone doesn’t press you for more, not really. The watchful hush which follows left only for the willing to fill it, and it seems you aren’t willing, seeing as how you more or less ignore him. Folding your stony arms across your chest as you stare out that window beside you.

He turns back to the road as you hide within that music you can’t hear. Doing your best to distract from all those discomforting wings still caught on your skin; to flee from thought entirely. From that little voice in your head that warns you in a language you can’t comprehend. Left in a nervous stalemate between yourself and your rage and your disquiet, hoping it won't all rend you raw as you tumble again and again and again through all those fatal things that might occur tonight. That’ll possibly stain your hands red, as your own hands enact them. All those bloody things that could come back to bite you should anything go wrong, should anything unexpected happen, and it feels like the world’s slipping out from under you, that everything’s unexpected, that nothing can be predicted in the tempest of what may come tonight.

Brian’s car speeds toward more residential streets, a crimson comet eating all before it as it smoothly roams toward that address you’d given him; the address of that man you’re going to kill, if you can actually do this, and–fuck, are you actually going to do this? Are you actually going to kill this guy instead of turning him in? Instead of any less violent alternative?

There’s no coming back from murder.

At least, you don’t think there is.

The music’s a failed distraction from the constricting spiral of your thoughts. But as the tires of Brian’s car begin to slow, you’re slowly dragged into the present, where a long, dim road stretches out before you. One you recognize as Gary’s street, having been there yourself not so long ago. Blinded and bound there by a vengeance so fierce you weren’t previously aware such fury existed.

Your expression darkens as you’re once more swept out in the wartorn sea of your mind at the memory of it.

You would’ve killed that fucker then if you hadn’t so recently come across Dexter. Came across who he really is; a monster who pretends he’s not.

So what does that make you?

You’d waited in Gary’s office for what felt like forever that night, and even longer after finding those hard drives. Gun numbing your rancorous hand. And it slowly hit you. How it wasn’t enough; not nearly. Pressing down with more and more insistent weight with just how much you wanted to draw out that bastard’s suffering for as long as humanly possible. A single bullet was far too kind after what he did.

So. You’re worse than Dexter.

Cool. Very cool. Very—

“You’re not second guessing this now, are you?”

Brian’s tone is a jaded edge, and again, you’re snapped back to the present. Seeing him eye you from across the dark center console of his car, with one sculpted bicep hitched up along the top of his chair. And it gradually becomes clear that you guys have been parked here for a while, now. Who knows how long he’s just been sitting there like that, watching you silently struggle within yourself.

Embarrassment peeks its ugly head before you stuff it back down again. Doing your best to steel your gaze before fully looking at him.

“No,” you lie. Quite convincingly, you think.

He studies you for drawn out moments, his expression veiled by midnight, until eventually he quirks an idle brow.

“Looks like you could use a pep talk,” he states.

Your own expression’s pinched at how nonchalant he’s still being about all this. Like tonight’s just a game, yet it would see your life forever altered.

“A pep talk?” you wryly question. “This isn’t a soccer game.”

He merely shrugs, the leather of his seat twisted beneath his leisured weight. “All the same. You seem to have forgotten why you’re here. That this was all your idea.”

You definitely haven’t forgotten that part.

He glances out at that beige house he’s parked in front of, its clay roof bathed in the same darkness encompassing the lightless street.

“You wanted this,” he tells the window, before meeting your worried gaze again. Seeming to decipher something from some hidden place inside you, despite all your attempts to keep how perceptive he is at bay. “...You still want this. And sure, Dexter helped in orchestrating what’ll happen tonight, but he far from put the idea of it in your head.”

From where he idly watches, one corner of his lips forms a devil’s curve.

“That was all you, my woeful student. So. You can follow through with your own plans tonight and cut that paedophilic mongrel down, or,” he shrugs, just slightly, “we can drive away right now, and he can go on living. Relatively unpunished, all things considered–and there’s a lot to consider where your nephew’s concerned, by the sound of it. I’ll even throw in the added bonus of taking our little deal off the table for the time being, and not allowing him his chance to off you–a one time offer, so make it count.” His lifted brows are a listless provocation. “Your choice, killer. Just say the word, and I’ll drop you off home, safe and sound.”

Even with how unsubtly sardonic he’s being, you’re more enraged at Gary than you are aggrieved at him because of it. And though you’re still enrobed by doubts, the weight of hatred spills over until you’re already unbuckling your seatbelt without a word, eyes hard as your jawline tightens.

He merely chuckles as he watches this newfound gusto he’s easily inspired.

“Not yet, little killer,” he cuts your ambition short. Leaning across the center console in reaching toward you, and though you flinch as though in anticipation of his touch, he merely unlatches the glovebox before your knees. Reaching in for a small, leather pouch that seems it’s precisely where he’s left it. And as distant lamplight shines across its silver buttons while he brings it back to himself, you realize that pouch is Dexter’s. That it’s his little holster of M99.

Unsnapping its delicate buttons within his lap, Brian reveals a neatly tucked syringe with a soft-green cap, alongside a small vial of clear liquid. And as he takes that needle out, idles it in his hand with a physician's sureness, a small frown weighs his lips. And you suppose, perhaps, that Dexter’s knives aren’t the only item of his brother’s he’s loath to use this evening.

“This isn’t really my thing,” he says, more to that syringe than anything. Seeming to admire how its liquid gleams with starlight against the dark, before re-sheathing what’s assured is all here. “But, Dexter’s the savant in relocating victims. Or, rather, dragging their dead weight around for no apparent reason other than what that precious code of his requires, for which he so obediently dances. So I suppose we’ll play things his way tonight…” A slip of thought glides by his mind so briefly. “At least partially.”

Looking back, it’s quite unfortunate you’re too currently absorbed by all that tension in you to really question how exactly his plans might deviate from what Dexter had in mind.

“He could always skip that part and just kill his victims where he finds them, but,” with a tensely released breath, he seems quite exasperated, “he’s so particular about that kill room of his. So painfully rigid beneath the thumb of all those rules.” Annoyance weighs his brow. “So dramatic.”

At this point in his aggrieved monologue, you can’t help the little huff of laughter that clips right out of you, and his dark eyes pivot to yours as though actually offended by it. Which, in truth, just makes it even funnier.

You can’t help it. He’s such a hypocrite. And at that look, you’re forced to bite back a heightened shade of amusement.

“Dramatic,” you restate. “Says the guy who used Miami as a theatrical, murderous stage just to catch his little brother's attention. When you could have, just… I dunno…” Guile hints one corner of your lips. “Sent him a letter…?”

That look Brian tosses you, as the strong line of his shoulders flexes tight, is perhaps the flattest you’ve ever seen.

“Oh, goody,” he says. “I was hoping someone would come around with a better idea for reuniting my long lost family. A letter. How didn’t I think of that? And how do you suppose that letter would read, I wonder?”

Something in his tone has you opening your mouth to deter him, but he’s already continuing, “Why don’t we draft it right now?

“Hey, baby brother–it’s me,” he recites, as though penning this message out loud. “You know. The big brother you don’t remember?”

He’s so measured, yet you already regret bringing this up. Some wound you sense in him scratched open as your stomach slowly shrinks from where you watch him.

“Guess you’ll have to take my word for it. Anyway; this life you’re living? We both know it’s all a lie.

“Oh–you don’t know that? Well, allow me elaborate: your fake dad made it all up. All these rules. All these lies. Created this cage for himself to keep you in. That fake dad you’ve practically deified. The guy who tore our lives apart. Who strong-armed our mom into being dismembered alive right in front of us. Who took you from the only family you had once he was finished ransacking our lives, burying you so deep in his lies that you’d never even know I existed.”

That tension in his dark-scruffed jaw seems to hold back more than what he’s already stated, which is already more than you meant to tease out of him, before he’s casually continuing:

“He’s not your real dad, Dex, and he’s not your real family. So fuck him and everything he’s ever said. You don’t need his rules, nor his falsehoods, nor his family–you already have a family.

Me.

So throw his fabricated bullshit behind, and we can be together like we always should’ve been. As we were, before that lying, manipulative piece of shit came around and ruined absolutely everything.”

Your lower lip aches the more you gnaw it. And Brian eyes you a moment, in your reluctant silence, before adding:

“Oh, and–by the way, little side note here–I know what you are, Dex. I know what you're hiding. But I suppose that's a conversation for another time; bit heavy for a letter, don’t you think? Then again, a letter is apparently the right response to a lifetime of suffering and fighting my way toward reforming my shattered, stolen family, so…”

He listlessly shrugs, though his eyes remain sharp.

“Anyway. Xoxo, all the best, till next time~ Signed, the Ice Truck Killer.”

The tension in the darkened car is palpable upon his impromptu letter’s end. Something far more edged in him despite what his careless charade might offer. And more than anything, you wish you could swallow back your attempt to ever taunt him; realizing upon him sarcastically making it crystal-fucking-clear just how far you’ve overstepped into something you don’t know nearly enough about to give advice on, to pretend you understand; to press upon or joke about in the slightest.

All mischief in you has died, in favor of chasing after words you cannot catch, that are too heavy to wage from you. Because though you want to apologize–for bringing this up, for making light of something held in such darkness–each attempt to say a thing remains held on your tongue, lodged there, unable to leave you, because can you really apologize for having anything questionable to say–joke or otherwise–about a long anticipated family reunion that led to the deaths of so many innocent women? So many working girls who never hurt him, or anyone else?

Women whose murders you personally sought to find justice for.

Whom you failed to find justice for.

Brian’s plans–those plans too complex for a letter–led them all to their deaths. And they would all be rolling in their graves right now if they saw you, feeling bad for him. Working with the man who slaughtered them instead of cuffing and dragging him in, or–better yet–lodging a bullet in his deceptively handsome head.

So you can’t say a thing, as he and you watch each other in the dark. Both of you shut off too different things, it seems, yet with pieces of you fraying. Abraded threads that half-unravel, before they’re boarded so swiftly up.

“I’m sorry,” you say at length–the words fighting their way from you, regardless of their disloyalty toward those you’ve failed to protect. And you swiftly look away, avoiding both Brian and yourself; staring hard out the window. “I… I didn’t mean, to…” Your arms tightly fold across yourself as emotion too obscured to unravel knots your brow. “I don’t know your guys’ history. Not fully, at least–not even slightly, really, and…”

At your pause, an image flashes in your mind. One he painted for you earlier, of him and his brother. Two little boys trapped in blackness and blood by the remains of their mutilated mother. And how long must it have felt, holding Dexter in the dark? What must he have said to in any way calm him? Two little boys forced to witness such savagery. Two children, reliving in the dark what had happened whilst held in that blanket of red; that final comfort spilled from their dying mother.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” you slowly shake yourself. All other words failing you as, eventually, you force your gaze back to the watchful snare of his, to how his study’s never strayed. And you should just stop talking, but you hear yourself carrying on all the same.

“And that’s not to say you should explain, or elaborate, or… or anything, I just… not if you don’t want to, anyway, I just…”

Of course he doesn’t want to–why would he open up about any of what he and his brother have been through more than he already has, and especially to someone like you? What are you even going on about?

Again, your words peter out. Wishing you could read his watchful silence, though to do so seems a task beyond anyone.

“I’m sorry,” you say again weakly, at last.

He watches you for so long you think he may never respond at all.

“Are you done awkwardly rambling yet?” at last he blandly wonders, as embarrassment once more sparks your throat, rising up it.

Biting back on retorting with something more blunted, you say stiffly, “Yes,” instead.

His expression’s a mask; his eyes a glimmered shadow in its darkness. And for a while, more, he simply studies your reaction to him. That embarrassment. That conflict in you. Your stunted lack of spiteful tongue.

“You keep apologizing,” he says at length. So close to reprimand, and yet it seems he doesn’t fully understand it.

You don’t know how to respond, and it seems there’s distant words trapped in you both.

“There’s no need to be sorry for things you haven’t done,” he lowly says, as that tension continues to drag. “But it’s funny, ‘cause…” His brows briefly knot in his consideration. “You’re the only one. The only one who's sorry. The only one who apologizes, even when you don’t need to. The only one who does so without the threat of a gruesome end loosing it from their lying tongues, anyway.”

It feels there’s some splinter in his facade that you could slip through if you tried, though it’s stapled gruffly closed again before you get the chance, the very second you even think you spot it.

“I don’t think that’s funny,” you hushly say, but he smiles like it is; soft, and with little warmth to it. Not even close to melting through all that ice in his eyes, that cold which buries everything beyond it.

“Sorry,” he says, mocking you. Though some part of him seems to mean it. Something more solemn. “Truth be told, I never know what’s funny anymore.”

He’s the first to look away. Staring instead out the darkened window. Out at that house you’ve come to hate, with all its windows dark save for one. That one which Gary must be in.

“We should go,” he tells the darkness. “We’re burning moonlight. And it seems your unfortunate friend is already patiently waiting for us to find him.”

When his gaze finds yours again, its blackness is lowly biting. “You sure you don’t want me to drive you home?”

It’s near impossible to disentangle all those warring notes inside you, but still you grit your jaw and mutter, “What happened to you being my soccer coach? Stop trying to make me second-guess myself.”

Through the shadows, he’s gradual to smile. Roguery smoothing out all his previous edges. “Really… Do I actually seem the type to talk you out of anything this fun or potentially dangerous? I’m willing to see where this road takes us. I’m just wondering if you are.”

That little curve of his lips slowly broadens as he eyes how you manage nothing more than a tight-lipped stare. Unwilling to let your voice further betray your lingering uncertainty, or anything else for that matter, though it seems he’s stolen enough of your thoughts as it is. Thumbing through them at his leisure; all those secrets of mind and heart you’d rather hide.

“C’mon,” he says at last, with the sureness of having an answer you never gave him. Already unlatching his door and stepping out onto the moon-lit walk, while you’re left with no choice but to follow. The events of this entire evening were your idea, after all, and it's far too late not to see through what you’ve started. And in the back of your mind, it somehow feels that, despite all his offers to escape what’s yet to occur, Brian’s made absolutely sure that won’t happen.

#brian moser x reader #brian moser x you #brian moser #dexter #reader insert #slasher x reader #fanfiction #rudy cooper #ice truck killer #wild animals

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maochira · 10 months ago

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Ways of being a father. (Kengan dads & child!reader)

I wrote this almost a year ago, originally with Blue Lock characters assigned. But I thought a lot about assigning Kengan characters so here we go! The quotes are all translated from Alligatoah's song Nicht adoptiert. Also! The song may originally be about being born into a family and not being adopted, but reader can very much be seen as an adopted child in this if that's what you prefer!

gn!child!reader (reader is implied to be different ages in different parts)

If you're listening to this, you're alive, congratulations / I always knew you'd become more than a broken condom

Let's be honest, you weren't planned. Being a father initially wasn't part of his life plan, but then you happened. But he wouldn't replace you for anything in this world.

-Adam, Raian, Lihito, Kanoh, Ohma

Cause I don't believe in marriage you were born a bastard

-Ohma, Raian, Adam, Hatsumi

Sure, we love you, but there's a reason for that, kid / Nature arranges it like this so we won't kill you

Sometimes being a father can be frustrating and exhausting. But no matter how annoying you might get, his fatherly instinct always wins. In no way would he ever intentionally do harm to you.

-Ohma, Kanoh, Kazuo

It looks like you're family / Looks like it's just us now / We've got to get through it now, blood's thicker than beer / [Sorry, you ain't adopted]

-Adam, Kanoh, Hatsumi

I have no idea how to take care of children / But don't worry, I'll find a tutorial

He went into fatherhood completely without knowing what to expect. It all came a bit out of sudden for him, and he was too anxious to prepare himself properly. But when he held you in his arms for the first time, he knew he'd figure it out just fine.

-Lihito, Inaba

The good thing is, I don't even have to share any knowledge with you / You can just read the wiki entry

-Saw Paing, Lihito, Kanoh

I won't always be there for you, I have to party hard too / Did I say "party"? I mean "work"

Being a father doesn't mean that's the only part of his life now. He'll try to be there for you whenever possible, but there will be moments when he gets lost in other things.

-Saw Paing, Lihito, Sekibayashi

Joking aside, the ego-pig in me is happy that you are coming / Cause then I can play with Lego blocks

A part of him is still a child as well. And hey, being a father means he gets to play with toys again - that's something he can look forward to.

-Cosmo, Saw Paing, Inaba

Cause even though I'm putting effort and thinking about how / I can take the pressure off and still get you into bookstores / Something I do will lead to trauma, c'est la vie / I'll be the star of your psychotherapy, have fun

As careful as he is with you, he knows at some point he'll do something wrong. He's perfectly aware of how he won't always be the perfect father, but he's still trying his best.

-Raian, Kazuo, Wakatsuki, Suekichi

You're programmed for me, I'm programmed for you / Now we're sittin' here, I say now we're sittin' here / Sorry, you ain't adopted

He didn't choose to have you as his child, and you didn't choose him to have as your father. But still, you're perfectly made to be this role for each other.

-all of them.

You may not become president or student representative / Reality will throw your dreams in the chick shredder / I know what I'm talkin' about, life ain't no show

You won't achieve the greatest things in the world, and that's okay. You don't have to do that to make your father proud. He knows exactly what it's like to fail, and that's why he will always encourage you to reach your dreams, no matter how big or small they may be.

-Gaolang, Kazuo, Suekichi, Setsuna

You'll see my burdens, I've given them to you / If you think your genes are bad, they're Papa's genes / But you're my update, you can fix the bugs

You may not be a carbon copy of your father, but the similarities are undeniable - both the good and the bad.

-Ohma, Setsuna, Kanoh, Raian

In the beginning it's ambition like in a chess duel / You will emulate me until you outshine me / The balance of power is on my side - currently / But your chance is good, because Papa's withering parallel like a leaf

Being his child also means being his rival - in a fun way. If there's something to compete in, there will be playful competition. Board games, soccer in the backyard and running random races when you're just walking somewhere together - things like that.

-Raian, Koga, Saw Paing, Lihito

This has to come out now 'cause later I won't be the same / When you're around I'm sure I'll write some corny shit / No more tasteless jokes, no more Hitler comparisons

He was more of an immature person before, but he knows after your birth he has to become more serious as a father - at least that's what society expects from him.

-Lihito, Raian, Naoya

I stand in front of the mirror and see a caricature / But I train every day for my father figure / I practice "La-Le-Lu" on the keyboard / And I subject myself to a motherfucking radio censorship / And I learn all the movie clichés, after birth / You'll get a wristwatch with your name engraved on it

At first, knowing he'll be a father soon felt so unreal to him. But the closer the day gets, the more the realization sets in. But that realization makes him nervous, so he's putting extra effort into learning how to be the best father he can be. And even though he doesn't want to be "like the other dads", he finds himself following every cliché possible.

-Kazuo, Sekibayashi, Adam, Suekichi

Even though being strict clashes with my liberal nature / I'll pretend I'm interested in your Spanish exam

He doesn't care how much of a good or bad student you are, but he knows you'll have to pass school somehow. As much as he doesn't care about your grades, he pretends as if he does to keep you encouraged. But of course you'll get praise for your hard work when you get good grades.

-Ohma, Kazuo, Lihito

I'll be mad at you for every adolescent booze story / But don't be afraid of me just because I fuck your mother

-Raian, Lihito, Adam

I'm just an old cynic who writes frustration poems / But I swear I'll give it all to you till the end of my chapter

He'd do anything and everything for you. He will always make sure you feel safe and loved, no matter what age you're at. Even when you become an adult, he will always be your father and protect you as good as he can.

-all of them.

If you enjoyed this, please remember to reblog with tags! That's the best and easiest way to support me and my writing!

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zoeykallus · 2 years ago

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The Bad Batch x Reader HCs - Abandonment Issues

As requested by @golden-nyx-ghost I hope I'm not too far off the mark 😅

Warnings: Mentioned Anxiety/Implied Traumatic Experience/Hurt/Comfort/Also; Crosshair (I mean strong language)

_________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_________

I had to do a little research on that topic and thought I'd share what I found.

Abandonment issues is an informal term that describes a strong fear of losing loved ones or of them leaving a relationship. This fear can result from trauma, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

Most common “symptoms”

worry that friends or partners will leave them

constantly look for signs that others do not really like them

need frequent reassurance that others love them

always try to please others, even at their own expense

give too much in relationships, or have a lack of boundaries

stay in unhealthy relationships due to a fear of being alone

What it can do to a person:

Have anxiety: Both children and adults with fear of abandonment may feel chronically anxious, especially if they feel a relationship is about to end.

Experience relationship challenges: Anxiety about abandonment can alter a person’s perceptions of their relationship, causing them to see problems where none exist. They may be sensitive to any sign of rejection, or find it difficult to trust that their partner will not leave. This can result in clingy behavior, which may impact the relationship.

Communicate poorly: People with abandonment issues may develop harmful communication techniques to ease their anxiety. For example, they may engage in attention-seeking behavior to get the love they feel they might lose.

Engage in harmful behavior: People with a fear of abandonment can sometimes try to prevent their partner from leaving them through manipulative or even abusive behavior. For example, a person may try to prevent someone from socializing with others. This is a form of coercive control.

Source

_____________

AC: Of course, there are different forms of this problem, and it doesn't have to go to the extreme right away. At this point, we assume that no chronic, negative (harmful) behaviors have manifested yet.

_____________

Hunter

He is often quiet, introverted, but unlike you might think, he listens very carefully, is alert, attentive. He does not miss when your mood changes, and you are suddenly unsettled. Hunter reads your body language, notices every little thing. But he doesn't want to barge in, so he first tries to find out what makes you tick, to learn something about your past.

Gradually, he realizes what's bothering you, why you're sometimes so tense and overprotective when you communicate with him, why you sometimes barely let him out of your sight.

"You're afraid," he says unexpectedly.

You look at him, startled; you weren't really aware of it yourself. But now that he brings it up, you feel it abundantly clear.

"You won't lose me, you won't lose any of us. You won't get rid of us that easily."

You blink and say softly, "I've heard that before."

Hunter sighs softly, but smiles at you.

"You will see and learn with time that your past can't determine your future, it can only if you let it. You can count on us"

He grabs your shoulder and looks deep into your eyes.

"Do you trust me?"

You can't help but nod, Hunter's eyes, his expression, you feel so close to him.

"Good, have a little patience, that feeling of security you crave, it will come with time".

Echo

With him, you can talk openly about everything, he is a good listener, and he will always try to find a solution to the problems discussed between you. Echo can well understand what this fear of being abandoned or losing people is and how it feels. As a soldier, one inevitably deals with it a lot. Echo lost a great many of his brothers, not only to war, but also to Order 66.

"Some things we can't hold on to, no matter how hard we cling to them. That's a realization that's hard, but it comes eventually. You have to come to terms with it, make friends with it."

You wrap your arms around your body as if you need to hold on to yourself.

Echo sits down next to you and continues, "None of us want to leave you, but sometimes that's not in our power to decide. Voluntarily, we will never turn our backs on you. But you have to come to terms in a healthy way with the fact that some things are beyond our control."

You sigh softly and say, "I know, I just care that you don't seek distance from me because of me."

Echo laughs softly and says, "You're not getting rid of us that easily."

Wrecker

This cheerful guy is also a good listener and a good distraction. Wrecker can always carry you away and get you out of your darkest worries and thoughts. But he can also listen to you seriously and calmly when you need it.

He is attentive and much more empathetic than some might think.

Wrecker listens and nods in understanding.

"I know it's not the same, but I also sometimes fear losing my brothers. Well, as a soldier, you just worry about the things that might happen in the field. But you can't let that make you crazy."

You smile wryly at him.

"We certainly won't let you down on purpose," Wrecker says with conviction.

"Are you sure?"

"You're not losing us, we're here for you, every one of us," he says with a smile, thrusting a box of Mantel-mix into your hand.

You look up at him and say, "I've thought that about other people too."

Wrecker says perkily, "But we're not other people, we're Clone Force 99, and we deliver what we promise."

Tech

"Change is a fundamental part of life. People come and go, sometimes even those who are particularly close to us. That is quite normal. To be afraid of it is pointless."

You frown and say critically, "Aren't you afraid of suddenly being alone at some point?"

Tech goes into himself for a moment, thinks, then answers, "Not really. It's relatively unlikely that I'll suddenly find myself all alone at some point."

"Couldn't that theoretically happen to anyone?" you ask.

He frowns and says, "Well, theoretically it can, but there's also a probability factor."

You raise your eyebrows.

"Are you trying to tell yourself that right now because you're actually afraid of it too?"

Tech looks at you indignantly.

"I'm not afraid. There's no reason to be, and there's no reason for you to be. Why would we abandon you?"

You shrug, scenarios coming to mind.

"It's enough when priorities change, meeting new people in someone's life, that's often enough to split groups," you say seriously.

Tech hesitates.

"Well… yes, that may be true…"

"But?"

He sighs and says, "If you let that anxiety consume you, you can't enjoy the time you have with the people around you at all. This constant anxious tension is unhealthy"

"That may be," you admit quietly.

Tech hands you back your holopad he fixed for you.

"Here. Good as new," he says with a small smile.

"Thanks Tech, and thanks for listening".

"Anytime."

Crosshair

He has already recognized your behavior and that you cling does not agree with him at all. He can't handle it very well. Crosshair at least tries, in his own way.

"What do you want me to say? People leave us sometimes, and sometimes they leave us behind".

He himself has already had this painful experience, and actually he knows exactly how it feels.

"Hurts like a bitch, but it will pass. You can't let that define your life"

"That's easy for you to say," you sigh, dropping into your bunk.

Crosshair sighs deeply before sitting down on the bunk across from yours that actually belongs to Hunter and looks at you.

"No, I'm not just saying that. I've been through this experience too, I know it sucks, and I know you can get through it if you don't let it consume you."

You sit up and look at him questioningly.

"And how did you do that? How did you deal with it?"

Crosshair sighs again, shakes his head, and says grumpily, "You might not want to take an example from that"

"Why not?"

"My approach was unhealthy, too," he says reluctantly.

As you look at him questioningly, he continues, "Echo would probably say I'm stubborn as shit, but that wasn't it, not quite."

"Then what was it?" you ask cautiously, sensing that you're on sensitive ground here.

Crosshair looks around as if to make sure the two of you are alone. Finally, he looks at you again.

"I didn't cling to other people, but to being a soldier, to my supposed duty. The reason why my brothers and I actually parted ways to begin with. I plunged deeper into it, so deep that soon I was no longer myself. The whole process was painful, for me and others, you should not take an example from that".

You don't say the question that is on the tip of your tongue, but he answers it anyway, as if he felt it.

"Enjoy what you have, hold on to the positive things, not the negative. Deal with it, but deal with it sensibly. You can't force anything, neither that people stay with you nor that old wounds heal. Everything needs time and some work. But you can be sure, we would never abandon you willingly, none of us".

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

@starwarsnerd111

299 notes · View notes

pjmsneverland · 1 year ago

Text

Notes: This fic is in the growing pain collaboration with the awesome @napofamoon. Haven’t written this much in a long time and this really inspired me so thank you.

Warnings: shy!reader, rockstar!gyu, musician!reader, vocalist!reader, unprotected sex(don’t.), public sex, implied squirting, dom!gyu, light choking, mention of trauma.

Summary: When Beomgyu and his band meet yn at auditions in his hometown for an opener he finds he’s attracted to more than just her voice and insane guitar skills. Beomgyu makes it his mission to get her alone while on tour and really give her something to sing about. He fears she’s already his new favorite.

Sometimes you think you do a little too much trying to justify your hopes and dreams. Maybe it’s the trauma, the copious amounts of coffee or the fact that you have not shut the fuck up since you discovered your ability to talk and sing. You pant as you wipe down the tables of the diner in preparation to close shop as your coworker, Mark, laughs at the way you hastily switch from table to table.

You had an audition to get to early in the morning and after classes you only had a thirty minute gap to rehearse your song before you had to clock in for the lunch rush.

“Excited for auditions tomorrow?” You crack a smile at him and give a shrug.

“I hope it goes well. Apparently the lead singer, Beomgyu, is super picky so there’s a chance I won’t make it past the first note.” Your stomach plummets at the thought but you chuckle to alleviate your apprehension. Mark rolls his eyes as he pulls out a chair to sit on to give you his undivided attention.

“You release good music and people listen. You’re gonna kick ass yn.” He encourages sincerely.

You smile at the boy shyly and nod.

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

“Of course. Don’t forget me when you're famous.” He quips, rising up from the chair before he pushes it back in.

“Forget you? Never that.”

Mark’s stomach drops at your words but he shakes it off, playfully shoving you before urging you to go home. You insist on staying to close with him but he denies you the pleasure when he snatches the rag from your hands.

You carefully cross the busy street of the city as you look around constantly, anxious that you might be in the wrong place but your doubts are put to rest when you see the line outside of the exact building you suspected. The people in the line converse while fans are occasionally getting escorted out for showing up in hopes to meet their heart throb of a boy band. You are wide eyed and curious at the things happening in front of you. Reality starts to set in as you realize you can’t mess this up.

Taking deep breaths is the way you choose to ground yourself as the line gets shorter and shorter until it is your turn to walk on the stage where a table is set up with three of the members sitting with varying expressions. You make a note to yourself to not make eye contact or hold it too long but before you can take your own advice your eyes lock with one of them in particular. He’s dark eyed and his hair is cut to a length that frames his face so beautifully. He smirks as his eyes examine you from head to toe.

“Contestant 7Z please set up your equipment and introduce yourself when you are done.”

You are brought back from your trance at the sound of the man who sits next to the one you were shamelessly drooling over before you begin setting up your electric guitar swiftly. You strum a few times to ensure it is in tune. When that is done with , you put your soundboard on the stand before standing up straight in front of the mic with a wide smile decorating your beautiful face.

“Hi, my name is yn. Hope you enjoy my sound.”

Your fingers begin picking at your strings as you nod your head to the sound before moving over to your soundboard and picking the bass option and singing your first note confidently into the mic. Your performance is not yet interrupted so you continue singing verse to verse and chorus to chorus until you get to the last line and stop your soundboard before playing the last chord.

“Thank you.” You say softly before stepping back and letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Disconnecting your equipment from the jack hastily you zip your guitar back into its case.

“Yn please make your way to one of the seats in the auditorium.” Beomgyu speaks loudly. Your eyes meet his again when he smiles promptly and leans in to whisper something in his bandmates ear, all while keeping eye contact with you. Your stomach turns as you walk down the steps and find a seat. Keeping an eye on the fact that no one else has made an appearance on the stage for the past thirty minutes has you gaslighting yourself into believing that you passed the audition. That or the lead singer is fucking with you and not in the way you would prefer. You stare down at your feet and pout at your anxious state before a shadow looms over your figure and you look up to be greeted with Beomgyu. He startled you and there’s no way you were subtle about the fact.

He chuckles, “ I really liked your song. Best one we’ve heard all day.”

“T-thank you.”

I am going to go home and bury myself in the deepest hole ever.

You think to yourself but if anything it draws Beomgyu in. Who would have thought the girl that can shred on the guitar is so modest with the way she carries herself. You know you’re good but you don’t gloat about it. You seem a little shy too but he doesn’t want to assume since he hasn't gotten the chance to know you yet.

“That being said. It’ll be a pleasure to have you on the road with us.” He leans in closer as his voice lowers to a whisper. Your eyes drop to his lips that he bites down on, attempting to hide his smirk. He’s flirting. He has to be. Your thighs squeeze together at how close he is to you. His skin shines in the auditorium light and you’re quickly realizing you would peel back all your morals if he asked you to.

“Is that a yes, darling?”

“Yeah I’d like that.” You nod and answer softly.

“Good.” He leans in more, making your lips slightly graze his and your pussy jumps at the gesture and Beomgyu’s rationale has flown out the window at this point as he presses his lips to yours gently. He’s testing the waters by trying to be gentle although he wants to bend you over the auditorium chair and make a mess of it. Your body responds late as you didn’t expect to have him on you this soon. Your hand has a mind of it’s own when it finds the way to his long tendrils to tug on them slightly, eliciting a groan from him that vibrates through your whole being.

“Hey! Beomgyu stop eating our opener please?” A voice booms. Beomgyu looks back at his bandmate and smiles mischievously.

“Can’t make any promises!” He shouts back with a wink before turning to face you again.

“Come with me will you?” Beomgyu asks, holds out a tempting hand

All while flustered you nod and take his hand before you are dragged to god-knows-where.

You swear your skin is hot as asphalt as Beomgyu kisses every inch of exposed skin he can find before his lips meet yours again and your hands are finding their way under his shirt. His skin is as soft as you imagined and the thought makes you moan into his mouth before you can stop it.

“Fuck. I love your pretty noises.” His hands palm at your tits and your body is leaning into his touch and your questioning what has gotten into you to make you act this way.

“I don-I don’t usually do this.” You say between each of his lustful kisses that fall onto your lips.

“Do what, Pretty?” His voice has your panties soaked and you can’t help but let out a giggle.

“We just met and I’m considering letting you- ya know.” You shy away from saying the term and his eyes that burn holes into you. You know after tonight you won’t be able to mix business with pleasure so the pros seem to be outweighing the cons.

“Stop thinking so much. Do what you think is right. We can stop whenever. Do you want me to stop, Darling?” He tilts his head. You shake your head. Not trusting your voice to not waver.

“You're so quiet. Let’s fix that.” He says lowering himself onto the floor of the bathroom stall, letting his head disappear beneath your skirt. Your teeth gnaw at your bottom lip in anticipation and you feel the rough pads of his fingers move your dampened panties to the side.

“You are soaked, pretty.”

You squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment, maybe if you pray hard enough you’ll disappear into thin air. He blows onto your wet folds before wrapping his lips around your clit without warning causing your breath to hitch before your mouth falls open in pleasure. Your hands bunch up the frills of your skirt to give you a better view of the beautiful man devouring you like you're his last meal that he will ever have. Audible squeals are leaving your mouth as you try to force yourself to be quiet but Beomgyu finds entertainment in the fact that because of him you are struggling to keep your quiet and shy act going much longer.

“Want you so bad.” You moan out.

His eyes meet yours as he his mouth makes out with your clit and your hands frantically search for something to hold on to and before you have time to solve the issue yourself Beomgyu is lacing his fingers through yours as he sucks on your clit in the most perfect way. So perfect that it has your mouth falling open and your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Ungh yes right there! Mm-”

Your body is on the edge of finishing when he breaks away from your center and kisses your lips with your essence glistening on his lips and chin. It’s messy and in any other case you’d find it gross but here in this bathroom stall you want him to take his dick out and ravish you mercilessly.

“Taste so fucking good.” He whispers against your lips.

“Please.” You say, looking into his eyes.

“Please, what baby?” He smirks cockily.

“Fuck me, Gyu.”

He’s shocked at your words as you stare at him all docile and doe-eyed while speaking such vulgar words. Your hands trail down to the button of his ripped jeans and undo them slowly before following up with his zipper. You keep eye contact with him as the plush of your pink lips are gnawed on by his teeth. Your movements are slow and cautious as you stare at his face to gauge hiseaction.

You’re taken aback when he smacks your hand away and turns you around so your ass is facing him and your cheek is pressed to the cold wall of the stall.

“If that’s what you want.” He breathes out as he palms at his hard length. Letting his other hand touch your center slowly. You’re soaked and with every touch he’s becoming more and more full of pride that it’s because of him. His tip grazes you, testing the waters as he lets his length rub your clit as you hiss, sensitive from all his ministrations and you release a breath you didn't know you were holding when he enters you. Your whole body shivers in content as he starts thrusting into you at a brutal pace.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. Taking me so good.” His hand finds the back of your neck ,pushing you further into the cool wall, keeping a firm hold on you. You know you’re not gonna last long at this rate. You’re struggling to keep quiet as moans tumble out of your mouth.

“Does it feel good, baby?” He whispers, warm breath hitting your scorching skin.

“Yes-please right there-”

He gives a particularly rough thrust, eliciting a gasp from you as he leans forward to place a gentle kiss on your cheek. The gesture is quite romantic, out of bounds for the image you created for Beomgyu but you’re too far gone to dwell on it.

“Gyu, I’m gonna cum-” You whimper out, feeling tears form in your eyes.

Beomgyu tuts at your words, pulling out of you and flipping you around so you’re facing him now. His lips capture yours in a rough kiss as he lifts you on the ground, guiding your legs to sit around his waist.

“Wanna see that pretty face when you cum.” He says, keeping intense eye contact that you attempt to stray away from but he realizes and he’s having none of it. His hand grabs your face firmly, getting the timing just right as he thrusts into you once again.

“Look at me. Or I’ll stop.” He’s stoic although he’s enjoying this more than you are. You, wet as can be as you hang around his neck like the finest diamond. Finer than any Cuban link that’s ever adorned his neck. You’re a moaning, squelching mess and he knows you're close as you struggle to keep your eyes open.

“T-too much-fuck,Gyu don’t stop.” Your eyes roll back in ecstasy and his thrusts become more brutal as he’s determined to give you what you’ve been waiting for.

“Nuh-uh eyes on me, he adjusts your gaze with his hand again. Your fucked put face bringing him to his end as he puts his fingers in your mouth and fucks you roughly.

“I’m-right there, yeah.” You mumble around his fingers, body shivering.

“There?” He teases, knowing the answer.

“There!” You clench around him so beautifully as he watches moisture fall out of you onto the ground.

“Fuck baby.”

His hand that isn’t occupied toys with your clit as he pulls out of you to let his hand bring you to another dimension and that it does as you scream in pleasure and push his hand away from your center.

“Want me to stop?” He asks, searching your face.

“Yes-no-fuck. S’ just a lot.” You speak clearly when he removes his fingers from between your pretty lips. He smiles, drunk on you and your body. His new favorite. You.

#txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #txt smut #noam: growing pain #beomgyu hard hours #beomgyu hard thoughts #beomgyu smut

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horanghaejamjam · 3 years ago

Text

BTS Reaction: Their S/O is Nervous to do Anything Sexual

Prompt: Reaction to their partner opening up to them about how their last relationship was kinda emotionally abusive and that it kind of made them nervous to do anything sexual again? Even if they really wanna take their relationship to the next step, and they want to be ready?

Requested? Yes

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Implied Smut

Word Count: 2084

Warnings: Mentions of trauma and verbal/emotional abuse. Yoongis and Jungkooks scenarios contains mentions of sexual assault. Mentions of sexual situations/implied smut

Gender neutral reader. Gifs are not mine!

AN: If you are ever in any kind of abusive relationship, please reach out to someone and get away from that relationship. You are not alone and you deserve better.

Disclaimer: This is a repost from my original blog, this is my own original work and not copied.

BTS Masterlist

Other Groups Masterlist

_________________________________________

Kim Namjoon

The conversation had been brought up a few times already but never like this. When you first became official with Namjoon you told him your feelings about sex and he understood. He told you that he would wait and never pushed you to explain why to him and you were grateful for that. However, you guys have been together for three years and you were both starting to get anxious. It was finally after a heated make out session that you decided to open up about it. Sat in his lap and groaning softly as you pulled away from his lips. Namjoon opened his mouth to say something, assuming you were wanting to stop when you spoke up first.

“I really want to do this Namjoon, I’m just scared,” you admitted, looking down in embarrassment. He hummed softly and gently lifted your chin with his thumb so you would look at him.

“Y/N, I love you so much and the last thing I want to do is make you scared or uncomfortable, if you’re not ready that’s okay,” he explained.

“No I am ready it’s just,” you took a deep breath to compose yourself, “my ex always told me my body was a turnoff and they would only do anything with the lights off. I just don’t want you to be turned off by me.” Namjoons expression was blank but you could have sworn you heard his heart break. Before you could force yourself off of his lap his arms wrapped tightly around your waist and he kissed you softly.

“Your ex was blind and can’t truly see how beautiful you are. You are definitely not a turn off baby…let me prove it to you?” His words and movements were so genuine that you didn’t hesitate to melt into him, kissing Namjoon softly and allowing him to worship your body.

Kim Seokjin

Jin knew about your ex and your abusive relationship. He was the one who convinced you that you deserved better and helped you leave your ex. As your present boyfriend, he did everything he could to undo the damage and show you how perfect you are. Still, there were a few things you were still unsure about, and sex was one of them.

Of course you were attracted to Jin, how could you not be? That didn’t mean you weren’t scared about taking your relationship to the next step. Every time a kiss got heated you got scared remembering your exes words. His hands felt like your exes and you hated it so much. You wanted to move on and finally give yourself to your boyfriend but something was still stopping you.

That was the mindset Jin found you in when he came home from work. Walking into the bedroom to find you crying on the bed only half dressed. “Jagi what’s wrong?” he asked as he ran over, pulling you into his chest. His gentle touch made you cry more as you hugged him back.

“I don’t deserve you,” you cried, “you’ve been so patient and I want to give you everything but every time we get close I just see them and…I’m so sorry Jin.” He didn’t say anything, just holding you close and helping you to control your breathing. Only when your crying stopped did he pull away enough to look at you.

“Y/N, don’t overthink these things. I love you baby and I have no problem waiting for you, we can take things slow. Take all the time you need, I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

Min Yoongi

The one thing Yoongi never understood is why you were so shy. Ever since you met him you had been extremely jumpy and secretive. He tried to be patient in hopes you would open up to him eventually but that never happened and now he was getting concerned.

You two just celebrated your one year anniversary and, naturally, Yoongi was starting to get anxious to take things to the next level. Every time he would try to bring it up or initiate things however, you would shut him down. It was always the same excuses like “I’m tired,” or “Not right now” and Yoongi was starting to think you just weren’t attracted to him that way. Not that it would be a deal breaker but it was a blow to his pride and he wished you would just be honest with him about it.

You had come to help him relax in his studio, sitting on his lap as he worked. A few kisses later things started to get heated and you were once again pushing him away. “You should really focus on your work,” you insisted as you pushed on his chest and Yoongi finally had enough.

“Y/N, why do you keep pushing me away?” he asked, catching you off guard.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“We’ve been together for a year, but every time I try to touch you, you push me away. I’m tired of hearing excuses if you’re not attracted to me just tell me and-”

“Yoongi shut up,” you cut him off, “of course I’m attracted to you, I’m just scared. When I was with my ex our first time wasn’t really…consensual and I’m nervous about trying again. I know you wouldn’t do that it’s just…” It was his turn to cut you off, sitting up and pressing his lips against yours softly.

“Baby,” his voice was softer when he spoke, “you should have told me about this. I wouldn’t have pushed so much if I had known.” The rest of the night would be spent with the two of you fully talking about everything so he would know what to do in the future.

Jung Hoseok

You and Hobi never really discussed the idea of taking your relationship to the next level. You’ve only been dating a short while and were content with keeping things the way they were. You would be the one to bring the topic up, and at a completely random time, scaring Hoseok in the process.

“Hey Hobi,” you ask, “where do you see our relationship going?” Your question was sudden and your poor boyfriend almost choked on his water. Coughing up the clear liquid, he gulped and looked at you with a mix of shock and fear.

“Y/N, what are you implying?” his frantic tone made you realize what he was thinking and you shook your head.

“Not like that Hobi, I’m not planning on breaking up with you or anything I meant…intimately where do you see us going?” Hoseok just stared at you for a moment as your words processed in his mind.

“You mean like, sex?” he asked to which you nodded shyly, “I’m not sure Sunshine, I would love to some day if you’re okay with it but it hadn’t really crossed my mind. We’re still learning about each other so I figured we could just take it slow.” His words relieved you a bit and you sighed softly before nodding. You weren’t exactly sure what you expected from this conversation so it just kind of ended there. He was right, the two of you were in no rush and you didn’t have to force yourself to open up to him now. You guys would talk about it when you knew you were ready.

Park Jimin

Jimin knew something had been on your mind recently. Your cheerful and clingy personality was gone and you seemed a lot more distant than normal. At first he figured it was something personal and you would come to him after a bit of time to yourself but another week went by and he knew he needed to confront you about it. That’s how he found himself standing in your apartment staring at you, waiting for an answer. He was exhausted since he immediately came over from practice and you could tell just by looking at him.

“Jimin you should really go home and rest,” you urged, but he simply shook his head.

“Not until I find out what’s wrong Y/N. You’ve been distant for weeks and I’m getting worried, this isn’t like you at all! Talk to me Baby, what’s going on?” You sighed, already knowing there was no avoiding the topic. He was right, you’ve been avoiding him enough already so you knew he wouldn’t believe your excuses.

“It’s nothing Minnie I promise, just my thoughts,” when he didn’t respond you took that as a sign tom continue, “I overheard you talking to the members about taking our relationship up a level. It scared me because you know how my last relationship went and I’m worried I’ll just disappoint you like I did (E/N).” Jimin sighed, running a hand through his hair as he walked over to you, pulling you into a soft hug.

“You should have told me, you know I would never want to make you insecure. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with Baby. But if you do want to try I promise there is no way you could ever disappoint me.” He placed a kiss to your forehead and you nodded as you snuggled up against him.

“I do want to, I just need a bit more time.”

“Take all the time you need.”

Kim Taehyung

From the moment you and Tae started dating you told him everything. The way your ex treated you, your insecurities, and why it scared you from having sex. He was understanding and promised you didn’t have to do anything you were uncomfortable with, he could wait.

That was almost four years ago now and, while you knew you were ready to give yourself to him, you always changed your mind last second. You wanted it to be sweet and romantic, like losing your virginity all over again. That way you could forget your old memories and replace them with new ones. Well, tonight you felt you were finally ready to fully commit to him. It was your birthday, but also the day you finally got engaged to the love of your life. What better time than now.

“Tae?” you called out from your spot on the bed, making him hum as he looked at you through the mirror, “I’m ready.” Your fiancé immediately knew what you meant, eyes widening in surprise as he turned to face you.

“Are you sure Y/N?” he asked to which you eagerly nodded.

“You’re the man I’m going to be spending the rest of my life with, I’m ready to give you everything.” He sat beside you and held your hand as you spoke, looking up at you for confirmation one last time before kissing you softly.

“If you’re sure,” he whispered against your lips, laying you back so he could hover over you, “then allow me to love you like you really deserve.”

Jeon Jungkook

You had always been a bit shy around Jungkook when it came to intimacy. He was your second relationship aside from your ex and you knew he had a lot more experience than you did. That’s why you were so afraid of ever going further with him, worried you wouldn’t meet his expectations or that it would be just like your ex. Those experiences weren’t really enjoyable but you did it because you thought you were being a good partner. Of course you knew now that wasn’t true but you were still a bit on edge, afraid of being pressured into it again.

Jungkook knew briefly why you were so reserved and always tried to reassure you he would never do any of that to you. Sure being sexually active with you would be nice but it wasn’t needed. He never wanted you to feel pressured into doing anything with him.

Right now was one of those instances, he had just come back from America and you greeted him by pinning him to the bed and playfully covering him in kisses. At some point they began to deepen but the second his hands moved to your hips you froze and pulled away. Jungkook didn’t need to ask to know what was wrong, sighing softly before moving so you were laying beside him.

“It’s okay Y/N, let’s just cuddle,” of course you would never oppose to that idea.

_________________________________________

Requests for BTS are open!

Any and all interaction and feedback is greatly appreciated!

211 notes · View notes

sugakookielix · 3 years ago

Text

BTS Reaction: Their S/O is Nervous to do Anything Sexual

Requested? Yes

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Implied Smut

Word Count: 2084

Warnings: Mentions of trauma and verbal/emotional abuse. Yoongis and Jungkooks scenarios contains mentions of sexual assault. Mentions of sexual situations/implied smut

Gender neutral reader. Gifs are not mine!

AN: If you are ever in any kind of abusive relationship, please reach out to someone and get away from that relationship. You are not alone and you deserve better.

BTS Masterlist

_________________________________________

Kim Namjoon

“I really want to do this Namjoon, I’m just scared,” you admitted, looking down in embarrassment. He hummed softly and gently lifted your chin with his thumb so you would look at him.

“Y/N, I love you so much and the last thing I want to do is make you scared or uncomfortable, if you’re not ready that’s okay,” he explained.

“Your ex was blind and can’t truly see how beautiful you are. You are definitely not a turn off baby...let me prove it to you?” His words and movements were so genuine that you didn’t hesitate to melt into him, kissing Namjoon softly and allowing him to worship your body.

Kim Seokjin

“I don’t deserve you,” you cried, “you’ve been so patient and I want to give you everything but every time we get close I just see them and...I’m so sorry Jin.” He didn’t say anything, just holding you close and helping you to control your breathing. Only when your crying stopped did he pull away enough to look at you.

“Y/N, don’t overthink these things. I love you baby and I have no problem waiting for you, we can take things slow. Take all the time you need, I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

Min Yoongi

“Y/N, why do you keep pushing me away?” he asked, catching you off guard.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“We’ve been together for a year, but every time I try to touch you, you push me away. I’m tired of hearing excuses if you’re not attracted to me just tell me and-”

“Yoongi shut up,” you cut him off, “of course I’m attracted to you, I’m just scared. When I was with my ex our first time wasn’t really...consensual and I’m nervous about trying again. I know you wouldn’t do that it’s just...” It was his turn to cut you off, sitting up and pressing his lips against yours softly.

Jung Hoseok

“Y/N, what are you implying?” his frantic tone made you realize what he was thinking and you shook your head.

“Not like that Hobi, I’m not planning on breaking up with you or anything I meant...intimately where do you see us going?” Hoseok just stared at you for a moment as your words processed in his mind.

“You mean like, sex?” he asked to which you nodded shyly, “I’m not sure Sunshine, I would love to some day if you’re okay with it but it hadn’t really crossed my mind. We’re still learning about each other so I figured we could just take it slow.” His words relieved you a bit and you sighed softly before nodding. You weren't exactly sure what you expected from this conversation so it just kind of ended there. He was right, the two of you were in no rush and you didn’t have to force yourself to open up to him now. You guys would talk about it when you knew you were ready.

Park Jimin

“Jimin you should really go home and rest,” you urged, but he simply shook his head.

“I do want to, I just need a bit more time.”

“Take all the time you need.”

Kim Taehyung

“Are you sure Y/N?” he asked to which you eagerly nodded.

“If you’re sure,” he whispered against your lips, laying you back so he could hover over you, “then allow me to love you like you really deserve.”

Jeon Jungkook

“It’s okay Y/N, let’s just cuddle,” of course you would never oppose to that idea.

Requests for scenarios and oneshots are open for both BTS and SKZ!

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sugxrslushy · 3 years ago

Note

Hello again Maxx!

I must to say-

Headcanon about Teen! Reader with Luffy, Zoro and Sanji was *chef's kiss* Perfect.

I really liked it! It made my day way more better, that's wht thank you so much!

Also..If it's okay to ask..

Can I ask for another platonic headcanon with Female! Teen! Reader but with Luffy, Shanks and Zoro?

However, Y/n has some trust issues from the past. She often eats only alone and only the food that she found. Moreover, if she ever feels sad - she never shows it or tell it to anyone.

It's totally okay if you feel uncomfortable - if you do, please ignore the message.

You're really great at writing! I hope you will continue writing things that you like!

Have a nice day!

➪ a/n: I’m so glad you liked what I wrote for you and it made your day!! it always makes me so happy when people come back to tell me that. thank you for your request, I hope I did it justice! have a nice day too :)

➪ includes: luffy, zoro & shanks (w/ a fem teen! reader) (platonic)

➪ warnings: implied or referenced eating disorder and trauma (I’m not exactly sure if that’s what you meant or if this is even that but I’d rather be safe than sorry with warnings)

Monkey D. Luffy

Luffy is absolutely shocked by your eating habits. On one hand, he can steal whatever food you don’t eat if Sanji doesn’t try and kick him out for it. But on the other hand, he wonders why you won’t eat the food

When you’re missing from the table, he’ll often eat real quick then run off to go find you and drag you back to the table. Even if you don’t eat he just wants you to hang out with everyone at least

He doesn’t really ask why, and you doubt he’d listen if you told him. As long as you don’t bring it up he doesn’t pry

The kindest thing he’ll do for you is offer some of his own food. Maybe you just don’t like what Sanji gave you and you’d like to try something different? He’ll share on occasion

Luffy is very in tune with his friends, he knows when something is wrong even if you don’t say so. You may be showing no signs you’re upset but he does notice to some degree

He’s always ready to drag you off to join in on some shenanigans with him, Chopper and Usopp if it makes you feel better. Sometimes being around them can take the weight of your emotions off your shoulders

Luffy’s carefree and sweet attitude will always give you a feeling of safety and comfort among the crew. No matter your background, you’re safe here

Roronoa Zoro

It’s not that he doesn’t care, he just doesn’t feel like it's his place at first. He doesn’t make a comment about your habits at first because of that. He doesn’t need you to feel awkward about it

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t try to help at least a little bit. He’ll check to make sure you’re coming along to join everyone at dinner. He won’t force you to come along but he definitely is concerned if you don’t

For the times you don’t show up to eat, he’ll take whatever was prepared and bring it to you. Of course it takes some time with his habit of getting lost all the time, but he’ll find you eventually

He’ll set it down in front of you, prompting you to take it but never forcing you. Whether or not you eat it isn’t his problem. But if it leads to any issues he’ll make it his problem

Sometimes he’ll talk to you for a bit. “You know you don’t need to worry anymore? I don’t know why you won’t eat what we give you but it’s not gonna hurt you to try it. You’re fine here with us.”

Zoro isn’t going to force you into anything, but he’s willing to give up his tough guy look and act to try and get you to actually eat something. His go to reason is that you need energy to fight properly

A great person to just rant or just open up to. He’s not very good at advice most of the time but you won’t feel anxious talking to him. He’s very chill about whatever you tell him

Red Hair Shanks

Shanks takes to you like glue. He doesn’t know why but he feels like a dad whenever he’s around you which makes him somewhat overprotective of you

He notices your habit and is definitely more upfront with you about it. He makes sure that he doesn’t seem intimidating about it, just joking around with you and checking that you're alright

He’s upset to hear something about your past caused this. Had someone hurt you? He’s definitely not against beating them up if he ever sees them. Shanks prompts you to tell him more but that’s up to you

Shanks' way of trying to solve things is through making you feel safe and less uneasy. Through lots of laughs and reassuring smiles, he tries to show you there’s no harm in eating things they give you

Sometimes he brings up the story of Luffy eating the gum gum fruit. Yeah, it wasn’t the best thing for him and god knows what would’ve happened at the time. But thanks to that he’s kicking people’s asses out in the New World

You can trust him with anything, even if you don’t want to talk to him about how you’re feeling he’s always there for you

He’s lived a crazy life and absolutely knows what to do to help. In addition to that, he just knows when you’re not doing your best

Tag list: @cjm-cookiethief @acesmarigold @smallhybridart @iman-the-simp @sanjithesimp

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #monkey d luffy #luffy x reader #luffy x you #luffy x y/n #roronoa zoro #zoro x reader #zoro x you #zoro x y/n #red hair shanks #akagami no shanks #shanks x reader #shanks x you #shanks x y/n #tw implied ed

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theyoutubedork · 4 years ago

Text

𝕭𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖉𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖆 - 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖎

Bucky Barnes x Hydra!enhanced!reader

𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔩𝔬𝔤𝔲𝔢 - please read before continuing

Part 2

Summary: Belladonna finally returns from her mission, but once her handler knows about her possibly compromising her identity, she is led back to Siberia to be wiped. In attempts to keep her humanity, Y/N is able to recall her only memory from outside of Hydra.

Word Count: 1.3k+

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Warning: 18+, mature topics, mentions of drug use (weed), implied bisexual themes, trauma, mentions of the Vietnam War, mentions of abuse, mentions of violence, swearing, mentions of death.

“Отчет о задании, солдат.” the handler demands, not even giving you a second to collect yourself when you get back to the jet. They strap you into your restraints as you give the mission report. You had been by yourself for the past three days, collecting a few files from a small embassy in France. You were ambushed by a few Shield agents, but you were able to easily overtake them, not giving them any idea of where you were going.

“Миссия была успешной. Выживших нет. Камеру слежения я не заметил, но уничтожил.” You mutter. Although the mission was successful, with no survivors or witnesses, you failed to notice the small security camera that was positioned where you were ambushed. You see the handler seethe at you when you mentioned the camera.

“Как ты мог быть таким безрассудным? Глупая женщина!” (How could you be so reckless? Stupid woman!)

The handler slaps your face with the back of his palm, but you barely flinch when you feel his wedding band cut your cheek. You look up at the handler, blood dribbling down your cheek. You see the absolute fury in his eyes, but he quickly turns to his subordinates.

“Как только она вернется на территорию комплекса, вытрите ее. Мы не можем допустить, чтобы это повторилось.” (As soon as she gets back to the compound, wipe her. We can’t let this happen again.) he orders, and the subordinates nod immediately. You feel your jaw clench at the handler’s words. They were going to wipe you. Again.

The rest of the flight was absolutely silent. You kept your gaze on the wall, letting all the idle noise from the jet drift to the back of your mind. No matter how much Hydra tried to pry any sort of emotion from your psyche, they could never get rid of two things. The pain, and the anxiety. As soon as you heard the handler detail his plans for you, that familiar feeling of anxious dread pool in your stomach. You knew of the immense pain you were about to endure, and despite your best efforts, you could feel your palms shaking, droplets of sweat collecting in your clenched fists.

This has been the longest you’ve gone without having to be wiped, a whole month, and even though you’ve been wiped to a human clean slate, you were able to remember something. You know they definitely didn’t plant that memory in you, since it was actually pleasant, so you figured it was before your life in Hydra. You recall your memory one last time, trying to seal it in your brain deep enough unable to be ripped from you, but you know it was no use. So, you trying to take your mind off the anxiety with the only thing that made you feel like an actual being.

“You promised you would go dancing with us!”

You sighed, rolling your eyes as you set down your paintbrush, “Look, I know I promised you guys I’d go, but that was before Davey told me about the protest in D.C tomorrow. I promised him I’d have all the signs ready for then. We have 50 new volunteers who agreed to go with our group,”

One of your supposed friends, who you can never recall the name of, swished her hips as she approached you. She was a statuesque black woman, with large curls and a smirk hanging off her lips as she takes a hit from her blunt. She sat beside you on the couch, making it bounce slightly due to its age. Your other friends said they’d be on their way to the dancing club, closing the door loudly behind them.

“Why aren’t you going with them?” You asked the woman beside you, taking a hit off the blunt when she offered it to you.

“Because I know you’ll be up all night making these posters if I don’t stay here.” She stated in a matter-of-fact timbre.

“You know I have to,”

“Y-“

“No, there are hundreds of men dying every single day in Vietnam, so the least I can do is pull an all-nighter to make some fucking signs. Who’s gonna speak up for them if they are full of bullet holes?” You ranted, fury boiling through your veins. The woman looks at you with a small smile.

“You’re really hot when you rant about politics,” she chuckles in a sultry tone, and you remember how hot your cheeks became after she winked at you.

You are physically pulled back from your recollection, two guards untying your restraints before dragging you to your feet. You don’t fight it, you’ve given up on fighting a long time ago.

The cold, Siberian air nips at your skin, and it causes your cheeks to become ruddy, a usual indicator for all those in the compound that you just came back from a mission. You are taken down the usual route to your torture chamber, where you would lose the only memory that you have been able to reclaim since you’ve been brought here. You don’t even know your own name, only knowing the words soldat and belladonna that are meant to grab your attention. You can’t feel any life, plant or human, in this whole facility. You know that they bring you to Siberia to wipe your memory, so you can’t use any soil to grow vines to stop them. But you also know that anyone that works for Hydra has virtually no soul, no human qualities that they could use to justify using any sort of abuse when it comes to you.

You mind begins to drift when you feel yourself being ushered into the room with your personal hell chair, waiting specifically for you. You see a group of scientists that you vaguely recognize surround the chair, all murmuring amongst themselves, preparing to strip you of any humanity once more.

Strapped into the metal cuffs, one of the scientists gives you the mouth guard. It is misshaped, and it still vaguely tastes of someone else’s spit, you just don’t know who. You feel the metal plates press against your temples, and you suck a deep breath of air in, making a suckling noise against the large mouth guard that feels more like a muzzle.

As soon as the machine powers on, you begin to scream. White hot searing pain rips through your skull, but instead of completely succumbing to the numbing process, you try to suppress any attempts to rip away the one memory you have. You think about the woman that sat beside you on the couch, the one who was able to to make your emotionless husk of a body flush at the thought of her words to you. You try to remember her plump lips, the curve of her cheekbone, and every single detail you could dig up. However, the pain is so intense, the image of her starts to fizzle away, being fried from your brain like a cauterized wound. Just as you were about the forget about this woman that you will never see again, you hear rounds of gunfire ring out. You are unable to open your eyes, still howling in agony. All the sudden the pain stops, and you are able to let out shaky gasp. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to memorize the woman, and you still can visualize her. Tears prick at your waterline, thankful you were able to remember her. A voice breaks you from your brain fog.

“Hello? Can you hear me?”

You jump in your restraints, scared by the unusual greeting. Your eyes flutter open, and you see two people, a man and a woman looking at you with incredible concern. You also see all the scientists and guards unconscious, or dead, on the ground. The man is very tall, with what appears to be a prosthetic arm, stirring a sense of familiarity in you that you can’t quite place. The red-haired woman has glowing red hands, with a similarly color-schemed outfit to match. You are unsure of what to say, so you opt for the only sentence that won’t make you get hurt. You try to straighten yourself, looking at the man with the long hair.

“Я готов отвечить,”

Ready to comply.

#marvel #mcu #marvel x reader #mcu fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #bucky barnes smut #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x hydra!reader #bucky barnes x hydra!enhanced!reader #bucky barnes x enhanced!reader #sebastian stan x reader smut #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan #belladonna

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juletheghoul · 4 years ago

Note

Hi hello first of all CONGRATULATIONS ON 900 BBY ✨✨✨🥰🥰🥰🥰🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🍾🍾🥳🥳 you are talented and kind and you deserve all of them and more

Second of all #47 and Frankie pretty please

Hello my love!! THANK YOU!!! 💖💖💖💖

So I def threw angst and insecurities into this, hope you like it!

“Is it that hard to believe that I love you?” Frankie

Pairing: Frankie x f!reader

Warnings; angst, fluff, implied past trauma, anxious fidgeting (picking at thumbs)

—-

It had probably been the biggest fight you’d had since moving in together, and it was horrible. If your awful ex was anything to go by you imagined he was packing his things. There was a weight in the pit of your stomach imagining him digging out a suitcase and throwing his things in angrily.

It was the reason you’d locked yourself up in your home office despite it being the weekend. Eyes blurring as you tried to get some stuff done before Monday.

You heard him walking around the house and you held your breath, terrified that he’d wrench open the door to let you know he was leaving. That moving in had been a mistake in the first place but he didn’t. It was somehow worse, and now the fear grew that he’d leave without saying goodbye at all.

You’d done what you always do, you’d hid. Words had gotten heated and things had been said, by both of you and when he’d wanted to keep talking, you’d shut down. Walked away and left him even as he called after you.

The skin on your thumbs was sore and scratched, the anxiety making you dig your nails into it over and over, ignoring the discomfort. Throat burning and eyes red as you licked your wounds by yourself, always imagining the worst.

He knocked on the doors a couple of hours later, waiting until you answered to come in and when he did you were afraid of what you might see but it was just him. Just Frankie standing in the doorway, still in his sweats, no luggage, no anger on his face.

“Hey babe, I made some lunch - you okay? Or do you need some more time for yourself?” He frowned then, noticing the state of you, the red eyes, the fidgeting of your hands and he quickly came over. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“We- we fought, I thought you’d leave…” You couldn’t keep the anguish off your face and he seemed shocked.

“Yeah? Couples fight - I’m not going to leave because we had a dumb fight that I won’t even remember tomorrow, have you been crying in here the whole time? I thought you were actually working or I would have come in here sooner.” He crouched down to kneel at your feet and held your hands firm to stop the picking.

“I’m sorry, I just- god I don’t know my mind went to a bad place. Thought you’d pack your things and leave me here.” A couple of tears fell even though the relief was euphoric. He never planned on leaving.

“You thought I would just take off? Is it that hard to believe that I love you? That I’m in it for the long haul with you?” He squeezed in the space between your legs to hug you tightly. “I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me, now come on- let’s go eat - I’ll make you coffee and we can watch a movie or something.” He spoke low, his big hand rubbing your back, rubbing away the worry and you melted. Nodding into his neck.

“Okay babe.” You spoke, “Just want to stay here a little longer.” You tightened your grip and he stayed, he wasn’t going to pull away until you were ready.

—-

#jules hits 900 #pedro pascal #frankie catfish morales x reader #frankie morales x f!reader

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maochira · 2 years ago

Text

Ways of being a father (Blue Lock)

Lyrics chosen and translated from Alligatoah's song Nicht adoptiert ("Not adopted")

Note: I didn't write something for every set of lyrics, but still wanted to keep some in to assign characters. Also thanks to @remy-roll for helping me a little 🫶 mwah mwah

gn!child!reader (reader is implied to be different ages in different parts)

If you're listening to this, you're alive, congratulations / I always knew you'd become more than a broken condom

Let's be honest, you weren't planned. Being a father initially wasn't part of his life plan, but then you happened. But he wouldn't replace you for anything in this world.

-Shidou, Barou, Karasu, Oliver, Noa, Ego, Raichi

Cause I don't believe in marriage you were born a bastard

-Oliver, Otoya, Karasu, Nagi

Sure, we love you, but there's a reason for that, kid / Nature arranges it like this so we won't kill you

Sometimes being a father can be frustrating and exhausting. But no matter how annoying you might get, his fatherly instinct always wins. In no way would he ever intentionally do harm to you.

-Barou, Ego, Kaiser, Raichi

It looks like you're family / Looks like it's just us now / We've got to get through it now, blood's thicker than beer / Sorry, you ain't adopted

-Lorenzo, Lavinho, Chris, Oliver, Karasu

I have no idea how to take care of children / But don't worry, I'll find a tutorial

-Nagi, Isagi, Bachira, Zantetsu, Kurona

The good thing is, I don't even have to share any knowledge with you / You can just read the wiki entry

-Nagi, Oliver, Zantetsu, Lavinho

I won't always be there for you, I have to party hard too / Did I say "party"? I mean "work"

Being a father doesn't mean that's the only part of his life now. He'll try to be there for you whenever possible, but there will be moments when he gets lost in other things.

-Otoya, Oliver, Karasu, Lavinho, Shidou

Joking aside, the ego-pig in me is happy that you are coming / Cause then I can play with Lego blocks

A part of him is still a child as well. And hey, being a father means he gets to play with toys again - that's something he can look forward to.

-Bachira, Shidou, Lavinho, Nagi, Isagi

As careful as he is with you, he knows at some point he'll do something wrong. He's perfectly aware of how he won't always be the perfect father, but he's still trying his best.

-Barou, Ego, Noa, Isagi, Kunigami, Reo, Yukimiya

You're programmed for me, I'm programmed for you / Now we're sittin' here, I say now we're sittin' here / Sorry, you ain't adopted

He didn't choose to have you as his child, and you didn't choose him to have as your father. But still, you're perfectly made to be this role for each other.

-all of them.

You may not become president or student representative / Reality will throw your dreams in the chick shredder / I know what I'm talkin' about, life ain't no show

-Reo, Ego, Barou, Raichi, Kaiser, Tokimitsu, Yukimiya

You'll see my burdens, I've given them to you / If you think your genes are bad, they're Papa's genes / But you're my update, you can fix the bugs

You may not be a carbon copy of your father, but the similarities are undeniable - both the good and the bad.

-Ego, Barou, Shidou, Kaiser

-Shidou, Bachira, Karasu, Lavinho

This has to come out now 'cause later I won't be the same / When you're around I'm sure I'll write some corny shit / No more tasteless jokes, no more Hitler comparisons

He was more of an immature person before, but he knows after your birth he has to become more serious as a father - at least that's what society expects from him.

-Bachira, Oliver, Karasu, Shidou, Lavinho

-Zantetsu, Tokimitsu, Isagi, Snuffy, Yukimiya

Even though being strict clashes with my liberal nature / I'll pretend I'm interested in your Spanish exam

-Isagi, Chigiri, Bachira, Ness, Yukimiya

I'll be mad at you for every adolescent booze story / But don't be afraid of me just because I fuck your mother

-Oliver, Karasu, Lavinho, Shidou, Raichi

I'm just an old cynic who writes frustration poems / But I swear I'll give it all to you till the end of my chapter

-all of them.

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lawxbread · 5 years ago

Note

I wasn’t sure where to send the request, but I was wondering is you could do an x reader where the reader was Ace’s girlfriend and after he died and the straw hats were on haitatus she went to train with Laws crew and they fall in love but she’s afraid of getting hurt again by losing someone she loves because important people seem to always die in her life

Hey,hey,hey!(bokuto's voice) Oh my god! I really enjoyed writing this, thanks for sending me this awesome plot!! Lol I tried my best but I think I was too descriptive (I got too excited and this got longer than I planned...) But I hope you like it!

A/N: I rushed at the end because I felt every brain cell of mine dying as i wrote the smut scene lmaooo

Sorrow

Synopsis: You were Ace's girlfriend and since when he died you've been afraid of losing someone again. Your heart is wrapped up. You feel solitary. But... What if the doctor, Captain Of the Heart Pirates, heals your pain by making you realize that you are capable of loving again?

"I can't control myself anymore"

"Make me yours, Law"

Warnings: angst, smut, implied death, unprotected sex, swear-word

Word count: 3K

It's all dark. You feel something touching your skin lightly. That touch... you recognize it, that warm touch you are so used to. Suddenly, your vision comes to be brighter, a few seconds have passed when you feel a breath on your face, then you finally see it, It's the man you loved wildly: Portgas D. Ace. As soon as you see him, he stops touching you, posteriorly Ace looks at you with tears in his eyes and starts running away. You don't understand what the hell is happening so you just try to reach him, "Wait!! Ace!!!" : You try to scream but, for some reason, your voice doesn't come out. When you realize, Ace abruptly fades away and then the surroundings are no longer warm. You start to cry, still trying to scream his name but not a single word comes out of your mouth. A deadly hush. "ACE!!! NO!" you try again, nothing. All your efforts are ineffective. You start blaming yourself, hopeless.

"Y/N- ya!!". You hear someone yells. Attempting to come back to your senses, you slowly open your eyes. You feel your sweat rolling down your face and take a deep breath until you feel steady. Eventually, everything seems regular. You see Trafalgar Law staring at you with an apprehensive look and it doesn't take long for him to ask

" Another nightmare, Y/N- ya?"

"Uh... Apparently yes." You retort, then add "Law... When will this pain go away?"

"It depends on you. Everyone has their traumas, I know it's not easy... But, Y/N, you have to move on." Law replies, using a concerned voice tone.

You start to cry, then you get up from the bed and instantly hug Law. He freezes.

"H-hey...Y/N-ya...uhh. Everything will be alright..." He says embarrassed while patting your back

Law gently moves you away and says "Y-you should grab something to eat, Bepo prepared a breakfast."

"What the hell I just did??!" You think, blushing as you realize the hug you gave Law.

"O-Ok" You declare.

You were Ace's girlfriend. One year has passed since your boyfriend's death. Portgas D. Ace wasn't just some guy you dated, he was, foremost, your best friend and the only person you could count on.

Your parents died when you were just 10 years old and you grew up cleaning houses, selling stuff you found in the junk, and doing any kind of service for other people. All of these just to survive, relying on a very small amount of money. Then, you met Ace, when you both were 18 years old, he helped you by beating some thieves that stole bellies from you, and little by little you fell in love with each other. Two years have passed when you heard that Ace was captured by the Blackbeard Pirates and taken over by the Navy, who would execute him at Marine Ford. You wanted to go save him immediately but when you declared to the WhiteBeard you would save Ace with him, he didn't let you go. Whitebeard ordered some of his sons to stay with you and prevent you from going with the rest of the numerous crew, as Whitebeard knew that Ace wouldn't be happy to see his girlfriend in the middle of a war. You tried to fight back but it was worthless.

You couldn't sleep and eat properly, fretted over Ace's life. Then, you heard the choking news: Ace died in Luffy's arms at Marine ford.

You couldn't believe it, you just couldn't.

You suffered so much, you only wanted to die because you had totally lost the reason for continuing to exist. Until 1 month after Ace's death, a huge yellow submarine appeared in front of you, and Trafalgar Law came out of it saying that Luffy asked him to take you and make you stay with his crew. You didn't have anything to lose so you just accepted the offer. Since then, you've been training with Law while the rest of the straw hats are on hiatus.

It's not that you still can't accept Ace's death, you know presently that this kind of tragedies happens. It's just that... you are afraid that something similar occurs again. You are so attached to the Heart Pirates Crew, they are like a family to you, and Law has been great to you ...so your biggest fear is losing them. This sort of thought results in constant nightmares, leaving you scared when you wake up.

"Good morning, everyone!" You say as you approach the kitchen with Law.

Bepo and Shachi are eating some fried eggs and cake, discussing something about the fish Bepo fished earlier being poisonous.

"Hello, Y/N!! Did you have another frightening nightmare?" Bepo asks.

"Yeah, nothing new..." You retort while taking a piece of bacon.

As you walk towards the dinner table to sit on a seat next to Shachi, you notice Law staring at you non stop, making your heart races. "Uhm, what feeling is this?", you keep thinking about it but don't understand what is going on with you so you just ignore it.

The things between you and Law have been weird in the past 3 months since you joined the crew one year ago. He seems more comprehensive with you than usual, Law used to argue with you every time you did something wrong but now... He's changed, in a certain way.

You seat next to Shachi, in front of Bepo and Law. As soon as you realize, Shachi puts on your plate a piece of the cake he is eating.

" Hey, Y/N-chan, you should try this", Shachi says as he looks at you with a smirk.

"Oh, thanks..." You say in an embarrassed voice tone, trying to be polite.

You look at Law and he is still gazing at you, but now he seems uneasy.

You eat the cake, unintentionally, leaving a crumb on the right corner of your mouth.

"Y/N-ya, there's a crumb right there," Law tells you as he points from his seat at the crumb left on your mouth.

"Here?" You attempt to clean it, but you don't succeed since you can't see it.

Shachi quickly says "Let me clean it for you." He presses his finger against the crumb, taking it off for you. Then he caresses your cheeks "Done, Y/N-chan". He gives you a smirk.

You are uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. "T-thanks..." You stutter.

You look at Law and he looks pissed as hell but you don't understand why, you just suppose he woke up in a bad mood today.

Law gets up from his chair not saying anything, then he utters "Y/N, a word?"

You don't comprehend why he called you and interrupted your meal, but you feel relieved since you don't have to stand Shachi's inconvenience anymore. You obey him, following Law to his office.

Law could wait for you to eat but he was irritated seeing Shachi shamelessly hitting on you, so he called you just to get you out of there, he knew you were uncomfortable. Besides Law was worried about you, he was jealous. Actually, you are a breath-taking girl, really stunning and beautiful so most of the crew's men always hit on you when they get the chance of doing so. It bothers Law a lot but you'd never imagine that.

As soon as you enter the office, you shut the door. You notice that Law isn't looking you in the eye and then he starts seeking some papers that he left in one of the desk drawers. He grabs the papers and says:

"Y/N-ya, I think I don't have to train you anymore, you seem prepared enough to train haki by yourself from now on." Then, still avoiding to look at you, he orders, coldly.

"So, I need some favors, take these papers that have a list of tasks for you to do at the submarine, most of them are related to repair stuff. " Law putts them in your hands.

"What? Why all of this so suddenly?" You ask.

"It's nothing. Just go." Law replies, indifferently.

You left the office questioning yourself if you've done something wrong for Law to act that way. But not a single idea comes to your mind, so you just decide to do what he ordered since he is your captain.

Six days have passed since then, you've been doing repairs and improvements all over the submarine, and when you get the chance, you train haki and fight skills by yourself. Since the day Law acted weird, he's been more absent than before. Plus, he avoids you every time you try to reach him and you don't understand why, but seeing Law ignoring you makes you feel sad for some reason. You start to think that there's a remote chance of ~maybe~ you had catch feelings for Law. But... You don't wanna accept them, thinking about how much you loved Ace and he died abruptly makes you feel hesitant to love someone again. You are already afraid of losing Law, if you fall in love with him, you fear that the pain you'd feel if he dies, would be worse, like how happened between you and Ace.

On your way towards your room, you see Law entering his office so you decide to go talk to him and ask him why he's acting like that.

You knock on the door. "Come on in," Law says.

As soon as Law sees you, he instantly changes his facial expression, he seems more anxious, uneasy.

"Hi, Law. Can I talk to you for a second?" You ask him as you slowly approach his desk.

"Yes. But be brief, I'm busy." He declares with a coldhearted tone of voice, still avoiding your stares.

"So..." You take a deep breath, then let out "Why you've been avoiding me these past days? Have I done something wrong?"

Law quickly replies, "I'm not avoiding you. Are you done?"

"Liar, you can't even look me in the eye!!"

Silence fulfills the room as Law puts his hands on his forehead, letting his head rests on them. You try to understand whatever is going on, a sentiment of heavy tension appears when you look at Law.

Tension. Simply, tension.

Law , still with his head down, finally confesses "Y/N-ya...Yes, I've been avoiding you" He mumbles. "Do you really wanna know the reason?"

"Yes!! I'll try my best to help you with whatever is making you feel low!" You declare.

"I don't think you can help me, but... I can't control myself anymore when I'm by your side.Y/N-ya..." Law admits as he finally stares back at you, and this time, he's looking deeply into your eyes.

You freeze.

"W-what? What do you mean by that?" You certainly think you misunderstood his words.

" I have feelings for you," Law confesses directly, leaving you no more doubts.

You try to keep your composure, but it looks like you are on fire, your whole body is steaming. You don't know what to do so you just stand still, staring at Law with a shocking glance.

"Y/N-ya...You don't have to return my feelings, I won't compel you to do anything about it." Law says, then he gets up from his chair, approaching you, so he adds "Look, it's just that it's hard for me to see you and couldn't be able to announce you're mine. I don't know when it started, maybe 3 months ago so you can just ignore it and I'll move on."

"Law..." you mumble, an immense desire to cry emerges, so when you least expect it, you are covered in tears.

Law looks surely worried about you, he attempts to approach you even more but you are moving away from him.

"Law..." You cover your eyes with your hands as you cry, "I-I think I feel the same but..." You sigh, "I'm afraid... I'm afraid of losing you! I can't go through that again."

You are crying a lot but you stop when Law abruptly hugs you.

"I'm not going anywhere, Y/N-ya." Law whispers.

Important people seem to always die in your life, you lost your parents when you were just 10, and then you lost Ace... This fear that haunts you has total control of your mind, but, somehow, the last few words that Law said to you comforted your troubled soul.

"Y/N-ya, take your time," Law says as he sweetly moves you away, now you both are no longer hugging, but staring deeply at each other. "I'll wait for you to make your decision, please rest...have a good night," Law says then opens the door for you

"Good night, Law..." You leave his office and go straight to your bedroom.

Two months have passed and surprisingly you didn't have any nightmare during its period. You felt so calm when Law hugged you and said he wouldn't go anywhere, since that day you've been wondering if you are capable of giving love a second chance. Besides, Law is still waiting for your decision but you can't just get through your trauma so easily; however, the time you took to think was enough for you to understand that you were worrying too much about an uncertain future. You thought a lot about it and figured it out that you have strong feelings for him, the idea of having him by your side is being more recurrent in your mind than the idea of losing him. You certainly want him, you want him so bad.

Since the day Law confessed to you, he is no longer avoiding you and everything is natural between you two. As he is respecting your time and not bringing the relationship matter back.

You have made your decision. Maybe...It's time for you to move on and tell Law what you want the most: him.

It's 2 am when you decide to go see Law and tell him your decision, you couldn't wait anymore longer. You go straight towards his bedroom to check if Law is still up and notice that the door is half-open so you slowly push it.

"Law...?" You mumble as you enter the bedroom. You don't see him anywhere. A few seconds have passed when suddenly Law appears right behind you.

"Y/N-ya?" Law says, he looks kind of surprised. You turn back to see, then you gradually make steps forwards "I'm sorry I was at the kitch-" You kiss his lips wildly, interrupting Law's words.

Still with his eyes open, Law can't believe what's going on. He stops you from kissing him, "H-hey....Y/N-ya w-what are you doing?" he stutters.

"Oh, I made my decision, Law." You confess "I realized that I want you much more than I fear losing you. It seems confusing but..." You look down, "I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering what my life would have been like with you. I really want to live it." Law smiles.

You add "I don't care about the future anymore, we are in the present and I want you right now!"

"Y/N-ya, I want you so much, and hearing from you that you got over your fear really makes me glad..." Law kisses your forehead.

You look back at him, you both exchanging stares, "I want you, you want me so... please, make me yours, Law"

Law doesn't hesitate a second, he kisses your lips remarkably as he slowly shuts the door. Law puts you against the wall and starts kissing your neck and touching your right breast with his left hand. You let out a groan.

"Y/N-ya, you make me so..." Law whispers while he takes off your shirt then he kisses your neck again, leaving it marks.

"L-law??" you mutter as you are blushing, you just can't believe it, you want him right now.

He presses his body against yours while he also kisses your lips, you feel his hard manhood touching your thigh. Your whole body is on fire, he unhurriedly moves down his right hand until it reaches your cunt, Law dry rubs it using his index finger as you moan. You can't stand it anymore, the heat between your both bodies is driving you insane, plus his warm touches all over your trunk.

"Y/N-ya..." Law takes off his shirt and pants, revealing his ample chest with his tattoos, muscles and his bulky underwear, indicating his cock's hardness. Everything about him turns you on. "Take off your skirt and panties ", Law orders, his eyes: full of desire. You obey him, embarrassingly. Law watches every movement of you taking off your remaining clothes, hardening his cock even more.

Unawares, Law took off his underwear, showing his thick and lengthy dick. Your face turns flushed.

Law holds you by the waist, making you put your legs around his hips, he controls your waist back and forth bringing in your pussy to rub his cock's tip for some seconds. " Y/N-ya... I can't hold it anymore". He stops then lifts you in his arms, leading you to his bed.

He lays you on the bed, lying on all fours on top of you and so he starts to gently caress your face, hair,ear... Unexpectedly, you feel the tip of his manhood lightly touching your entrance, then, Law holds your hands, pushing your arms against the mattress. So he starts penetrating, "Fuck. It's so tight" Law exclaims. The impact sound of skin against skin is gradually increasing, Law is moving faster and faster, you can't help but moan, moan a lot.

"L-Law" you call out his name, "L-Law".

" I love you, Y/N-ya," Law says while he moves into you, you are so close to reaching your climax, and so do him, that in you head only Law and you exist, so your vision starts to blur; you felt like fire was running through your veins instead of blood. "Law, I'm...almost..." you finally achieve your culmination.

"Y/N-ya" Law stutters your name as he releases his cum inside you. Law takes a deep breath then he lays down next to you and you both embrace each other.

Law kisses your forehead, "I'm not going anywhere, Y/N-ya. It's a promise." He whispers.

So you reply to him, "I know." and after a few cuddles you both fall asleep.

#one piece scenario #one piece x reader #law x reader #one piece angst #one piece smut #one piece oneshot #trafalgar law #one piece #one piece imagine

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squadrablog · 5 years ago

Note

ok I've joined the Ghiaccio hype train, could I request a Ghiaccio fic with a reader who doesn't like sudden loud noises and will definitely cry if you yell at them? they're really intimidated by Ghiaccio but they're comfortable with the rest of La Squadra, so he's struggling to be a good team member to someone who's always nervous around him. feel free to make it romantic or platonic, your writing is amazing!! 💕💕

Here you are! With the stuff I ended up focusing on I thought that shoehorning a romance in would feel weird, so I focused more on exploring the beginnings of a platonic friendship with him. Lots of awkward Ghiaccio and miscommunication but it all ends up good. :^)

Ghiaccio & Reader (platonic, gender neutral)

Ao3 Mirror Here.

Word Count: 3921

Warnings: Reader has childhood trauma w/ loud noises, not gone into in depth. Assassination job implied but doesn’t happen in text.

Under cut for length!

The last thing you saw yourself doing with your life was becoming an assassin, but here you were. You were a tough kid, scrappy and resourceful when it came down to it, but only because you had to be to get by. You always thought you’d eventually leave that old life behind. The gunshots echoing into the night from rival mafias squaring off to claim the neighborhood you lived in as their territory. The shouts from the man who took you in when you had nowhere else to go, only to berate you when you failed to pick enough pockets to meet his quotas. The way the older and meaner children would torment you, taunt and deride you, whenever you let your vulnerability show.

And you had, more or less, left those parts of it behind at least. When you joined Passione as a last ditch effort to survive you were given a sense of stability that you had never had before, and after initiation when your stand manifested as something powerful and deadly, it didn’t take too long for you to get placed into La Squadra di Esecuzione, Passione’s team of elite assassins.

As a stand user working with other stand users you rarely relied on guns to get your work done. You were no longer struggling to get by, and although your new Capo held his team to high standards he made sure you had ample training and was patient with you while you were still getting your footing. All your teammates were surprisingly supportive; even if they were wary of outsiders, when it came to their own family they looked out for each other.

It was a dangerous life, not without its own anxieties, but it was a much quieter life. It was a life in the shadows, with a roof over your head, with work that allowed you to use stealth and silence. Even if you couldn’t exactly say you were thrilled about being an assassin you were at least surrounded by people who genuinely cared about you now, watched over by a man who never raised his voice at you for things outside your control, and most comforting of all: you never needed to use a gun.

Not all loud noises set you off, just the ones that reminded you of the violent instability of your childhood and the cruelty of your guardian and peers. Your new teammates could get pretty noisy and spirited, but the boisterous and jovial nature of their laughter, even from their more intense teasing, was a comforting change of pace. You didn’t doubt your value or the fact they respected you.

Well, mostly. There was one teammate who was a bit harder for you to let your guard down around.

His name was Ghiaccio, and to say he was loud would be an understatement. When you first met him he had been a bit standoffish, but so were Risotto and Prosciutto. You knew it would take some time for everyone to accept you as a real part of the squad, and you were ready to be patient. But as you quietly observed everyone for those first few weeks, getting a feel for their individual personalities and their dynamics with each other, you found yourself very intimidated by Ghiaccio. He was able to pal around with the rest of them, even if he was gruff as a default, but when something upset him it was like a switch had been flipped.

He was critical of his squadmates’ performance out in the field, and he never hesitated to offer his critiques regardless of how little anyone wanted to hear them. He was critical of the way people talked, constantly nitpicking everyone’s pronunciations and word choice. He was critical of the way that chores around the house got done, judging everyone’s efforts by timeliness and thoroughness.

Everyone was able to brush him off most of the time without problem. When they actually valued what he had to say they never seemed to take the mean way he said it personally. They’d had plenty of time to get used to him and sift through the bullshit. They knew when something actually mattered to him and when something was just him blowing off steam for the sake of it. They knew when it was fair to ask him to shut up and when it was best to let him get it out of his system.

You steeled yourself as best as you could in those first few weeks, just telling yourself you needed some time to understand his quirks like the rest of your squad did, but your opinion changed immediately after your first mission with him.

“Is Prosciutto teaching you anything?” he barked out at you after you two finally managed to take out your hit. You flinched and looked away from his intense gaze. You were a bit anxious about being alone with him for the first time, and you wanted to give him your best effort to impress him, but being on so on edge caused you to make some big mistakes.

“Well?” he demanded when you said nothing. You had assumed it was a rhetorical question.

“Y-yes?” you stuttered out.

“Then you’re the one accountable for fucking up today. What the hell was that?” he asked, his question ending in something similar to a snarl.

Something that was different about working with Ghiaccio as opposed to working with the others was that he argued out loud to no one in particular about random topics that pissed him off. At first you thought he was expecting you to talk to him about how nonsensical some phrase was that Formaggio used before the two of you left, and you listened attentively, but he never gave you any room to respond. Eventually you realized he wasn’t really conversing, just yelling to yell. It was very distracting and it only made you fidget and lose focus.

“I… well…” you choked out. “It’s usually quieter… on my missions, since my stand is- well, since my stand is made for stealth and-”

“Me talking prevented you from doing your job correctly?” he asked, his eyes narrowing. You just shrunk even deeper within yourself. The last thing you wanted to do was insinuate your mistake had been his fault. There was no way that wouldn’t provoke his ire.

“N-no! You didn’t do anything wrong! It was me, I’m really sorry! It won’t happen again!” you squeaked out.

“Better not,” he grumbled sarcastically with a huff before turning to walk down the street towards his car. You followed, keeping a good distance behind him, not looking forward to the ride back to the base.

---

That had been weeks ago. While you had been doing a decent job at tolerating Ghiaccio before that mission, afterwards was a different story. You actively avoided him, checking if he was in rooms before entering, excusing yourself when he came into a room you were already in, shutting yourself in your room upstairs when you heard him start up on a rant somewhere on the main floor.

Eventually it was shamelessly (or perhaps shamefully) obvious to just about everyone.

“Dude, what happened on your mission with them?” Formaggio asked in a hushed tone one time after your footsteps had disappeared up the stairs. “They’re terrified of you.”

“How the fuck should I know? They haven’t said anything to me about it,” Ghiaccio shot back.

“Uh, yeah, duh. That’s what I’m saying. They won’t even sit in the same room as you,” Formaggio muttered.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” he said, scrunching up his eyebrows. “But it’s not like they talk much to begin with.”

“Are you kidding?” Illuso interjected, inserting himself into his two teammates’ conversation, much to Ghiaccio’s annoyance. “I can get them to prattle on for hours about themself. They’re a real chatterbox once you get to know them.”

“Illuso, dude, have they told you the story about their mission with Pesci down at the wharf?” Formaggio asked with a big grin.

“Fuck, I almost forgot about that,” Illuso replied with a chuckle. “What about the time where-”

“Hey! Shut up for a second,” Ghiaccio snapped. “We’re all talking about the same person, right?”

Upon being interrupted Illuso narrowed his eyes at Ghiaccio before turning to Formaggio. “It’s obviously because of Ghiaccio’s poorly controlled rage. Have you ever seen the poor thing freeze up over a gunshot before?”

“No, but I can imagine. One time I tried scaring them from behind and it took them ten whole minutes to recover,” Formaggio responded.

“I haven’t done shit to them, what possible reason do they have to be scared of me?” Ghiaccio asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, what happened on that mission?” Formaggio asked again.

“It was pretty standard, I killed the bastard while they assisted. They did fuck up pretty bad, which is typical during training, so I pointed it out for their benefit. Then we left,” Ghiaccio recounted. “Nothing else happened.”

Formaggio raised an eyebrow. “What did you say?”

“I don’t know! I think I asked if Prosciutto was doing his job right since they didn’t seem too confident. I asked if there was anything that might have contributed to their lackluster performance, but after thinking it over they said that it was on them.”

“Sounds pretty level headed and analytical of you,” Illuso said, stroking his chin. “Are you sure that’s how you said it?”

“Probably not in so many words, I was probably more casual about it,” Ghiaccio grumbled. “Why does it matter how I said it? What’s important is what I said.”

“Ghiaccio, your brand of casual is a few decibels above what’s average,” Illuso said.

“Not to mention the casual expletives, or the casual sarcasm,” Formaggio added. “Are you sure you didn’t casually tell them to go fuck themself without realizing it?”

“No! I mean, if I was stern with them it was in the context of training!” Ghiaccio insisted.

“Are we being trained right now? Is that why you’re yelling at us?” Illuso asked with a smirk.

“This is just how I talk!” Ghiaccio said, bringing a hand up to his temple. “Ugh, I don’t fucking know! Maybe I yelled at them? I remember being very straightforward. They seemed kind of on edge, but I just assumed that’s how they always are!” He dropped his hand and turned to look at his two teammates. “Are they really not like that on missions with you?”

“Not anymore,” Illuso said with a shrug. “At first a bit, but they’re pretty reliable now.”

“You’ve got to go slow with them. They’re easily set off, but if they know they can count on you they’re able to push through it,” Formaggio said.

“My stand is invincible and I never even let the guy near them. There’s no one better suited for watching someone’s blind spot than me,” Ghiaccio said with his hand splayed out on his chest.

“I mean, like… emotionally,” Formaggio said, scratching the back of his head. “If I was to put myself in their headspace I’d say they probably think you hate them.”

“I don’t hate them,” Ghiaccio spat loudly.

“Good! Now step two is letting them know that,” Illuso said, clapping a hand on Ghiaccio’s back, causing his glasses to slide down his nose.

Ghiaccio grumbled and pushed his glasses back up. He knew that things were weird between the two of you ever since your mission, but it never even crossed his mind it was because of something he said. Is this what Prosciutto felt like training Pesci? But even Pesci had never been avoidant or scared of Prosciutto for all the tough love that he gave him. Pesci looked up to him like an older brother.

If he was really the only one in all of La Squadra that you were uncomfortable around, then he supposed it was on him now to figure out why.

---

The base was pretty quiet today, with a lot of missions landing on Risotto’s desk this week. While you were quite fond of your new teammates you liked having the common area all to yourself on a quiet evening, especially if you were curled up with a novel. When you first started living at the base it felt like a luxury, but even after you had gotten used to the quiet its novelty hadn’t worn off for you.

The sound of a key jingling at the front door had you peeking over your book. When Ghiaccio appeared framed by the living room entrance you held your breath. Hopefully he’d be going upstairs… no, it looked like he was coming into the common area. That’s okay, you could move, so you started standing up, except… he was looking right at you, heading in your direction.

“Sit down,” he said stiffly, and after a beat he added, “Please?”

“Uhh! Okay!” you said, sitting back down and bringing your book right back up to cover your face.

“Can you also, uh. Please. Put the book down?” Ghiaccio said, his voice strained to maintain a monotone and flatten out any inflection. You did as he asked, although you still couldn’t meet his eyes, and he just stared at you awkwardly.

“Uh-”

“Hello,” he said, and it left his mouth at the exact same time your muttered exclamation had. Another awkward pause.

“Hi?” you said, unsure. This wasn’t what you were expecting from your next conversation with the man, for as long as you had postponed it. You thought he’d be demanding to know why you were ignoring him, or getting on your case about being too sensitive to handle his criticism on your last mission. Maybe that was yet to come?

“You are afraid of me,” Ghiaccio stated flatly. Then perhaps he realized he wanted to ask it as a question. “Yes?”

“Oh, no, I’m…” you muttered.

“Of course you are,” he said quickly, cutting you off before you could mumble out an excuse. You got pretty embarrassed by that, but you swallowed and moved your eyes up to gauge his expression. He didn’t look angry, but he looked hyper focused to the point of distress. His lips were pressed together tightly as if he was trying to hold back from speaking again.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“For being scared of me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. He was being sarcastic again, wasn’t he?

“No, I… I mean… I’m sorry for,” you started, trying to think of something legitimate to actually be sorry about. “For fucking up on the mission.”

“Did fucking up on the mission really bother you that much?” he said. Not only were you stupid for fucking up the mission, but you were also stupid for letting it bother you for so long! What did he want you to say?

“No, I mean…”

But Ghiaccio cut you off with a long loud exhale. “Look, I’m not great at this kind of thing. I understand that I make you anxious, and I understand that for whatever reason it’s hard for you to talk to me, but I really can’t understand what people say unless they drop all the bullshit.” When you frowned and looked away he tried again. “Not bullshit, fuck, uh. No, not fuck... It’s just that. I need you to say exactly what you mean. I can’t tell what people are thinking unless they make it… easy for me.”

You looked back at him. Whatever he was here to talk about with you, he was trying very hard not to raise his voice. The way he was talking to you was too stilted to be anything but intentional. If he was doing this for your sake, then you would try to meet him halfway. You took a moment to think, to choose what you wanted to say carefully.

“I don’t do well with loud noises. I also… take things very personally. I’ve been worrying that you…” You took another second before committing. “...Hate me.”

He pressed his lips in a thin line again as some noise tried to escape his throat, perhaps an instinctive denial. “What about me makes you think that?”

“Well… you seemed pretty disappointed in me after the mission.”

“I was checking in with you. I wanted to make sure Prosciutto was properly training you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “But… but you sounded really angry and sarcastic.”

Ghiaccio closed his eyes and thought about that for a second. “I probably was angry, but not at you. You just fucked up on something so basic that I had to wonder if Prosciutto was actually teaching you anything useful.”

“That’s… not how you said it though,” you said, feeling defensive. “I… I know I did something dumb… but I’ve never messed up with my stand like that before. It was different on that mission.”

“Me talking to myself?” Ghiaccio asked. He had been fixating over what he said to you at the end of that mission for days now, trying to remember all the details. He recalled how you had started with one explanation, but you quickly retracted it.

“You were… so angry the entire mission,” you complained. “Everyone else is quiet on missions with me because my stand is better suited to it.”

“It wasn’t a stealth mission,” Ghiaccio countered. “We were using your stand for something different. I wasn’t even talking to you.”

“I know!” you groaned. “You weren’t trying to distract me, but when things get too loud I…”

“But you took it back. You said it wasn’t me,” Ghiaccio said, leaning forward. His voice had risen just a little, but when he noticed how you reacted to that he tensed up.

“I took it back because I was afraid of upsetting you!” you said, leaning back into the couch as far as you could. “Because when I brought it up… you were mean about it… so I took it back! I thought you were trying to tell me it was my fault, so I took the blame like I thought you wanted!”

“I was… I was asking for clarification! If I did something that caused you to fuck up then I want to know that I did so we can talk about it!” He was clenching his fists to keep his upward inflections from becoming full-blown yelling.

“None of that came across!” you complained. “Like… maybe you technically said those things, but the way you said made it come across completely different!”

“What about you? Now you’re telling me that you meant something completely different from the things you actually said to me!?”

“I-I… but I was obviously upset! I was obviously just trying to appease you!”

“How was it obvious? I thought you were upset because you fucked up! No one likes fucking up!”

“Yeah, no kidding!” You realized at this point that your own voice was starting to rise, which was making Ghiaccio raise his to match yours, and you took a deep breath before speaking calmly again. “I was upset because I was afraid.”

It was quiet again for a little while until Ghiaccio broke the silence.

“Being mean and angry comes really easy to me,” he said, running his fingers through his curls. “Even when I don’t realize it, I still am. Even if I think I’m being reasonable, people misunderstand. I’ve been so used to the others actually being able to take it that I forgot how bad it was.” He scratched at his head a bit. “I also have a hard time telling how loud I actually am until someone points it out.”

You sat there for a moment, soaking that in, before you gave a small amused huff with a half-smile on your face. “I’m not great with loud noises because of what they mean to me. Gunshots remind me of a time when I wasn’t safe… but I can protect myself now, and I have other people who will protect me too. But yelling reminds me of… how I was never good enough for anyone.” You tapped your fingers on the cover of the book on your lap and shrugged.

“I hear from the others that you’re really skilled and reliable on missions,” Ghiaccio said. “I didn’t see that from you when we worked together, but maybe that’s because I was the one who fucked up.”

“But you didn’t...” you started.

“I fucked up by not meeting you where you were at. You’re new. I don’t know you, I don’t know what you’re like. If we had talked beforehand, if I had worked with you, then you probably wouldn’t have made that mistake. I was taking the lead on that mission, it was my job to train you to use your stand in an unfamiliar circumstance. I use missions to get out all the shit that makes me angry, since I don’t need to stay quiet. You don’t work like that. You had no idea what I was yelling for. I never told you how I do things, I just expected you to brush it off like everyone else does.”

You blinked a few times. You had been pretty quick to blame yourself for your own shortcomings, but hearing him say that really recontextualized that entire mission experience. You might have fucked up, but it was now obvious that he did not hold it against you. “That’s surprisingly self-aware of you.”

He rolled his eyes and set his elbow on the couch’s armrest, plopping his head on his fist. “You don’t know me either. I’m more than a raving heartless bastard. Stuff like this… not understanding why other people think the way they do, or what I’m doing wrong… it really fucks me up. I don’t hate you. You’re a part of my family now and I genuinely want to help you get stronger. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Ghiaccio was nothing like you thought. He was actually really sensitive and introspective. You could tell it was hard for him to confront you like this, almost as hard as it was for you to be confronted. You appreciated that he wanted to put in the effort to have a relationship with you.

“Thank you Ghiaccio. And I’m sorry I avoided you instead of trying to talk about it like this.” You reached over and placed your hand on his shoulder with a gentle smile. He seemed taken aback by the contact, but he relaxed after a moment.

“Are we… good?” he huffed out.

“I think so!”

He let out one long exhale that seemed to go on forever. “Thank fuck,” he muttered, before turning to look at you. “Goddamn it, sorry.”

“It’s not the swearing that bothers me,” you clarified. “It’s the intention behind it. You’re… uh… fucking good, my dude.”

He let out a snort at the awkward way you said that before bringing his hand up to cover his face, looking away in embarrassment.

“Aw, no, that was cute,” you assured him, which only made it worse.

“Well, if we’re done here then I’m heading to bed,” he said, and you glanced at the clock in the living room. It had gotten pretty late. He stood up and started walking towards the stairs.

“We have a mission together again this weekend, right?” you asked, and he looked at you over his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he confirmed.

“I’m looking forward to it,” you said with as much enthusiasm as you could muster. And you meant it. “Goodnight!”

“...Night,” he said, before he disappeared around the corner.

#ghiaccio #ghiaccio x reader #jojo imagines #jjba scenarios #jjba x reader #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #my writing #anon

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sabbywrites · 4 years ago

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Let’s talk.

This is a long post that also happens to be long overdue. Also posted as a thread to my twitter (tl;dr at end).

Hi everyone. It’s been a while. I’ve been debating for a little bit on how to write this, going back and forth between feeling scared and feeling determined to say what I want to say. I’m finally at a point where I can confidently say: let’s talk.

First, I want to say this: I’m sorry. I haven’t been very consistent these past two years, with both my writing and with keeping in touch with everyone I’ve met online. If you’re reading this and I haven’t spoken to you in a while, know this: I will be getting in touch with you soon. I haven’t forgotten the amazing people I call friends.

If you folks will have me, I’d love to catch up with everyone I haven’t talked to during my absence. I want to make one thing very, very clear— me being gone was never about me not wanting to talk to the people on here or participate in this community. The thing I regret the most about being gone is leaving people in the dark. If my absence has in any way, shape, or form hurt you, I cannot begin to apologize enough from the bottom of my heart. That was never my intention, although intentions don’t fix the hurt caused.

I want to discuss the reason for my absence, so please bear in mind that I’m not trying to excuse being gone— just explain why.

Some of you may know that I have three diagnosed mental conditions that have mostly been manageable through medication and therapy. When I first started writing online, I was halfway through undergrad and I wanted a place where I could put my writing so people might enjoy it. I found that pretty quickly on Ao3. As I worked on getting my writing degree, I would spend hours and hours working on what became ASID. I was thrilled beyond belief when ASID drew in readers who left wonderful comments.

I have a huge amount of love in my heart for everyone who has ever read any of my works, and I wouldn’t change anything about that. Ever. But as I graduated from college, I started noticing that my mental health was on a sharp decline that it hadn’t been on since high school. I tried to keep it at bay for a while, because I was sure I would bounce back.

I did not.

I began to take small breaks as I jumped into graduate school. I feel very purposeless without school in the background of my life; I’d gotten a degree that a lot of people in my life implied was useless, and with every break I took I felt more and more like an imposter. What’s a writer who doesn’t write? Had I gotten my degree for nothing? I trudged on through grad school and received my Masters in May. It still didn’t feel right. I felt like a failure.

Every time I logged on to talk to friends or check my comments, a voice in the back of my head kept popping up. I was getting older and less motivated. Life outside of undergrad hit me all at once. Nothing I wrote felt good enough to post. The amount of debt I was in already made me ill, and I went through four years of schooling just to feel like the degree I earned was for nothing.

There’s a weird misconception that artists have to be suffering to make good art. We have to be low to do our best. And I was low, lower than I had been since the absolute worst days of my life, and I still couldn’t produce anything. The pain wasn’t enough to jump-start me. What worth did I have, then? What worth does someone who has put their heart into their writing have if they can’t write anymore?

I mistakenly felt like I was an imposter among genuine people, like the friends I had made and the writers I admired were on the other side of a window, in a place I couldn’t get into. When the pandemic rolled around, things had already been teetering on the edge. I won’t sit here and pretend that I got hit any worse than anyone else during 2020— I had a roof over my head and a place to go during my state’s lockdown. But there was ample time, and yet I still wasn’t writing. I couldn’t even do that right. I had to rawdog my mental illness for a stretch, live in a town where the worst trauma of my life had happened to me, and feel like a total, complete, garbage failure every single day. Logging in was more and more of a reminder that I was dead weight.

Financially, I wasn’t doing much better. In the past year or so, I’ve had to provide for myself living on my own on an nonprofits’s pay (not much), as well as occasionally provide for my uncle. I’d thought that by my mid-twenties my life would be different; that I’d be better. In the last few months, it’s become clear that I require surgery for something that may not yet be able to be covered by my insurance; my options now are to wait for it to progress and get worse for coverage or pay out of pocket for the surgery sooner. It’s likely I will need a second one afterwards to completely correct my issues.

For a while, that just made the idea of writing again feel selfish. Why spend time interacting with the community when I should be working to make money because I wasn’t eligible for the stimulus? Why sit down and write something that I would probably just scrap anyway? There’s a lot of other more personal things that happened during my absence that I won’t delve into, including the passing of our family dog. I’m sorry if this seems vague as well, or if it appears that I’m just trying to make excuses— I’m not. Ever since I was younger, I’ve always kind of receded in on myself any time I feel anxious or like a phony. I know it’s not a good habit.

So that’s why I’m here right now, writing this. If I could go back and tell myself that those things I thought about myself weren’t true— that I deserve to have fun in this community and I deserve to talk to the people I care about— I would. But unfortunately, I can’t do that. All I can do is move forward.

I’m not going to sit here and promise that things will be the way that they were back when I first started; not right away, at least. But as of lately I’ve been letting myself peek at my Tumblr dash every so often or log into my Ao3 to see my comments. Those things used to scare me— and they still kind of do right now— but I can’t let them anymore. Joining this community is one of the best things I have ever done. I mean that. The people I’ve met, the comments I’ve received, hell even the discourse I’ve jumped in on— I wouldn’t trade any of it. Things might be overwhelming for a little bit as I adjust to being back after so long, but I want to be here. I want to let myself be happy again.

If you’ve read this far— thank you. Thank you so much for your love and for your patience. Like I said before, I cannot stress enough that my absence was because of myself alone and had nothing to do with my amazing friends on here or the community. If I haven’t messaged you in a long time— again, I apologize. I really, really did drop off. But the only way I can be better at being consistent with the people I care about is by holding myself accountable, not shrinking away.

It may take me a few days to really sort through all of my unread messages and comments and asks and give them the attention they deserve. But I promise, I’ll reach out to everyone whenever I’ve taken the time to do so. Thank you all for being there even when I am not.

Tl;dr—Mentally and financially, I’ve been struggling a lot this past year. I fell back into bad habits of receding into myself and leaving people in the dark, and I really wish I hadn’t. I’d love to be a more active part of this community again. I love all of you so, so much.

#sabby rambles

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supermassive-blue-tint · 5 years ago

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Midnight Sun Thoughts: Chapters 1-5

I am five chapters into Midnight Sun and I have SOME THOUGHTS. This is going to be a very long post in which I stream of consciousness type everything that comes to mind. Also I am very much enjoying the book, but I am also going to be critical of it too!

Possible spoilers below!

Let’s start with the positive things!

Getting a look into the minds of the Cullens/Hales makes me love them even more! Emmett is such a bro, so easy going, never anxious about anything (I mean we knew this already, but it’s just so much more pronounced!) I LOVE how Rosalie’s mind is portrayed because it’s so damn honest. She is selfish and vain. As someone who is currently learning that I don’t have to put every single person in the world before me, a little look into her mind is reassuring and refreshing. She only cares about protecting herself and yet Emmett still loves her... she’s still worth something even though she isn’t ‘good’ like Bella or Esme. Seeing the way Alice’s visions work is also amazing. Like the way she can search through thousands of decisions and the way things blur when someone is undecided. I also found it very interested that right from the beginning Alice already knew that Bella was either going to end up dead or a vampire. Kind of makes a little more sense now as to why Edward tried to keep Bella human for so long... he hated being confined within only two futures.

Another thing I thought was a great touch was the way Charlie’s mind is a little more wordless than the usual mind. Edward can tell what he’s thinking, but can’t hear the actual words. I wonder if Renee has some kind of gift too? I haven’t read to the end so no spoilers if this is true! Also interesting to think about how Charlie’s gift might have manifested if he had become a vampire.

It’s interesting how in Twilight the readers can never fully comprehend the horror and repulsion that the Cullens/Hales cause in humans, because we’re reading it from Bella’s perspective and she seems to be immune to this. It’s great to get a look into how most other humans do have some kind of subconscious understanding that something isn’t right and that the Cullens/Hales are a danger to them.

I also love the way Bella is described. It’s not how I imagined her in Twilight at all, which indicates she doesn’t see herself clearly.

Let’s get into some things I didn’t like...

Firstly, school being described as purgatory and then later hell, is so obviously Mormon/Christian. Please note I may get damn salty about this as I have actual religious trauma that often manifests as me picking apart Christian religion. Trust me I have nothing against you if you are Christian... I’m just traumatised by Christian religion and I think I have the right to be critical of something that harmed me. Anyway, the blatant Christian imagery is rife in the most stereotypical way. The angel and devil on the shoulder are mentioned as well. There are so many more nuanced Christian ideas that could be used... but instead it’s really obvious imagery. I also noted the mention of ‘atonement for sins.’ Not terrible, but really rubs me the wrong way as that’s the sort of rhetoric that distorts the view of the self and makes one think they are ‘bad.’

The most accurately Christian thing about this (and I feel I need to stress here that I’m about to talk about something that happens when Christianity is done WRONG. If you’re not doing it wrong then I’m not having a go at you) is the way Edward perceives his nature as monstrous. I cannot fully describe to you the parallels this draws to my own experience of feeling like a monster for being gay (/maybe demisexual or grey asexual, idk). Edward’s self hate, the seeing of himself as a sinner, as contaminated and not good enough for anyone else are very real and common results of Christianity gone wrong.

Another thing (not related to Christianity at all) that made me really uncomfortable was the way that Edward waited for an outright ‘no’ from Bella when he decided to talk to her again after the first night visiting her room. Obviously as we have already read this from Bella’s point of view, we know that she likes him too. But he doesn’t know. So when he hears things from her like ‘leave me alone’ and decides that’s not enough of a rejection and he should keep pursuing her it brings up this horrible idea that only no means no. Which is not the case, obviously body language and other words can indicate a lack of consent. Of course he does wait for her to eventually say yes, which is good... but he ignores so many implied ‘nos’ before that.

I also don’t like how Esme is reduced to the loving mother archetype. There is nothing wrong with this archetype, but it eclipses all the rest of her personality. There is an important place for loving mothers in the world, but not because it’s what women are ‘designed’ for, and not at the expense of a woman’s individuality and uniqueness. In a similar vein I hate it how Bella is perfectly ‘good’ and selfless. It’s such an unrealistic idea that perfection even exists. But it’s what Christian churches (particularly more traditional or strict churches) ask of their followers. It’s a ‘be perfect or you’re going to hell’ vibe.

I’d also like to point out that I don’t necessarily think Smeyer would intentionally go and put all this Christian stuff in Midnight Sun or any Twilight saga book. I think it’s more likely that she is so involved in it all that this is genuinely how she sees fit to explain the world. I remember reading Twilight as a 12/13 year old and never ever noticing any of the thinly veiled traditional Christianity hidden in it because I myself was so much a part of it that I didn’t know there were other ways to see the world.

Okay, end rant. Tune in next time for Lissa reviews Midnight Sun but then accidentally addresses her religious trauma.

#Twilight #Midnight Sun #New Moon #Eclipse #Breaking Dawn #Lissa reviews Midnight Sun

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mediaeval-muse · 5 years ago

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Book Review

Bride By Mistake. By Anne Gracie. New York: Berkley Sensation, 2012.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Devil Riders #5

Summary: Eight years ago, Lieutenant Luke Ripton made a hasty wartime marriage-in-name-only to protect a young girl from a forced union and left her protected in a remote mountain convent. Now, Luke is Lord Ripton, but he has been unable to obtain an annulment. Which leaves him no choice but to claim a wife he doesn't want. For nearly a decade, Isabella has waited like a princess locked in a tower, dreaming of her handsome, dark-haired prince. Her dreams are shattered when Luke reveals himself not as a prince, but an autocratic soldier, expecting her unquestioning obedience, which is something Isabella's fiercely independent nature will not tolerate. And while Luke and Isabella's fiery personalities clash at every turn, they remain bound to their vows, never expecting that the passionate fury they share could become passion of a different kind...

***Full review under the cut.***

Content/Trigger Warnings: attempted sexual assault, violence, sexual content, torture

Overview: When I started reading this book, I had the strangest feeling that I had read it before, but I didn’t remember how the plot went, nor could I find any record of a review, so here it is now. Bride By Mistake had the potential for a great story: a fiercely independent heroine, a journey to rescue an abandoned half-sister, love growing between two people who married to prevent one of them from suffering a worse fate, etc. I think I would have been on board if not for the hero, who I found hard to like. I didn’t feel like he respected our heroine at all, even after he opened up about his past, which made it hard for me to root for the relationship. As a result, this book only gets 2 stars from me.

Writing: Gracie’s writing seems to change between the first thirty or so pages and the rest of the book. The first couple chapters seem to rush through the narrative quickly, dumping a bunch of dialogue and a rushed flashback on the reader to set up the situation before getting to the main plot. Once we get to that point, the writing seems to flow a bit better, giving insight into what characters are thinking and feeling. Granted, it’s not a high literary style - Gracie’s prose is simple, and sometimes has a tendency to be repetitive (there’s a lot of observations of what the heroine’s legs and backside look like in her riding pants, for example, and we’re repeatedly told how Isabella isn’t pretty/not conventionally attractive), but I was able to immerse myself in the story, so I feel like it did the job.

Plot: Aside from the romance, the main plot of this novel takes place a number of years following a war. Our heroine, Isabella, and our hero, Luke, married as strangers during the conflict in order to protect Isabella (an heiress) from being forcibly married to her cousin, Ramon, who was after the family fortune. Because Luke was still a soldier, he left Isabella in a monastery for her own protection. Now, eight years later, Luke has been denied an annulment, and so he has come to Spain to collect his wife and return to England. However, before she leaves, Isabella insists on travelling to her family estate to retrieve her abandoned half-sister, who she fears might have been forced into becoming Ramon’s mistress. Meanwhile, Luke’s PTSD makes him anxious, and he constantly fights with her about returning to England so he can arrive in time for his youngest sister’s first come-out.

In terms of setting up a conflict, I feel like this book had potential. I liked the idea of Isabella doing the right thing by her sister, despite having mixed feelings about the favoritism that her father showed towards his illegitimate daughter. It nicely mirrored the family feelings Luke had towards his own sister, and the two protagonists had some good conversations based on those parallels. However, a lot of the middle of the book felt like an uneventful journey. Sure, the protagonists had personal conflicts, but nothing really built the anticipation for their arrival at the family estate. Instead, we get some silly things, like an inn having fleas and causing a whole debacle. I’m not against light, fluffy things like this, but I would have liked to see Isabella and Luke working together more to come up with a plan in anticipation of their showdown with Ramon.

When they finally do encounter Ramon and Isabella’s sister, Perlita, I found the character interactions to be both interesting and silly. I liked how Perlita and Isabella talked about their childhoods and came to respect one another, as well as how Perlita’s desires were quite different from what Isabella expected. It’s complicated and messy and utterly unsatisfying, but in a way that challenges the reader to think about accepting what other people want, even if it’s not “proper.” That being said, Ramon and Luke’s interactions completely transcended the bounds of reality for me. In one scene, Ramon and Luke threaten to kill one another over Isabella, yet once it’s made clear that Ramon would gain nothing by marrying her, everyone settles down and has lunch. Ramon and Perlita then invite the two to stay overnight, which seems preposterous given that the men almost came to blows and, as far as I could tell, still hated one another.

After they leave the estate, Isabella and Luke visit a family friend, and there, they encounter someone from Luke’s traumatic past. I found this part of the plot rather rushed and somewhat sloppy. Despite the trauma supposedly affecting Luke from the beginning, it felt like the details were dumped on the reader with barely 1/3 of the novel left, and so it felt hollow and inserted for a final bit of action. I wish this part of the plot has been more integral to the story, rather than having it all condensed into a few pages near the end.

I will caution readers that early in the book, we are shown a flashback that details how Luke and Isabella meet, and it involves attempted sexual assault. Luke, who is a soldier returning from an errand, happens to hear a girl screaming, so he goes to investigate. He finds a nameless Spanish soldier attempting to rape Isabella, who is 13 and has been stripped naked. While the soldier isn’t successful and his violence against Isabella isn’t overly graphic, we are subject to some descriptions of Isabella’s body, which, in my opinion, had a tendency to be uncomfortable. Descriptions of how she barely has breasts and no hips just shows me that Luke is taking note of these things, which feels icky. Thus, I wouldn’t recommend this book if you’re sensitive to plots involving attempted sexual assault.

I will also say that this book doesn’t do a very good job regarding representing Spanish and Roma culture. Every description of Spain and Spanish life seemed to be banal, from randomly eating churros to taking a siesta. The richness and complexity of Spanish culture isn’t really explored, which is a shame since Isabella’s Spanish heritage mainly seemed to enhance the idea that Isabella = Spanish = passion, contrasting with the frivolousness of English women and society. On top of that, there is a scene where Isabella and Luke are at a market, and they happen to witness some Roma people singing and dancing. Gracie uses the g-slur, though I don’t think it was used in malice. However, the dance is sensual and erotic, which causes Luke and Isabella to become aroused. It further lent credence to the implication that Spain is a land of passion for Luke, and though Spain is not overly exoticized, I do think implying that it is a world where passion can flourish is rather stereotypical.

Characters: Isabella, our heroine, is fairly likable in that she doesn’t let Luke push her around. She’s headstrong and confident, and on top of that, she has a strong sense of duty to her sister. I admired that about her, and loved seeing moments when she would defy expectations and show that she really is capable of handling things herself. The only things I found mildly irritating was her ridiculous innocence regarding sex and her tendency to be overly emotional. Regarding the former, Isabella has cringey moments such as thinking that sex with a man might be like sex between horses or other animals. I dislike it when virgin heroines are that naive because it’s not very realistic. Regarding her emotion, emotion itself isn’t a bad thing, but it didn’t endear me to her when these moods seemed to be connected to her childishness rather than anything substantive. For example, Isabella dramatically flees the scene and cries when she learns Luke requested an annulment, in part because she had been entertaining childish fantasies that he would sweep her away from the monastery like a knight in shining armor. She also gets extremely upset and yells at Luke for not being happy that she is a virgin, which would have been ok if it were mostly about honor, but the scene also involves a discussion about Isabella’s ignorance about sex and what it entails. It just felt like all her passionate moods were in some way framed as juvenile, and I wasn’t really into it.

Luke, our hero, is hard to like because at best, he’s a gruff ex-soldier who expects obedience from his wife, and at worst, a misogynist. I could have been on board with an ex-soldier who approaches marriage as a commanding officer would, but then learns that the two are very different and a partnership is more fulfilling. Luke, however, doesn’t seem to be open to the idea. At least early on, whenever Isabella would do something, he would think things like “He was going to show her tonight who wore the pants in this marriage.” While he never hit or raped her, the idea that he would “show her who is boss” left a bad taste in my mouth. On top of that, Luke would also think about how he despises certain traits in women. He thinks of Isabella’s friends at the convent as mindless and frivolous, he rejects London women because they are shallow, and says a few times that he can’t stand dishonesty in women because of the one time in his past that a woman hurt him. It was honestly tiring and because it takes so long for him to even begin to reexamine himself, I wasn’t convinced that he had any admirable qualities other than being physically attractive.

Like Luke, our main antagonist, Ramon, is also fairly misogynistic. Though he had more complex motivations than we are initially led to believe (which I appreciated), he did use words like “bitch” and “slut,” which killed much of the interest I had in seeing him as a multifaceted character.

Perlita is much more interesting in that she harbors little malice towards her sister and refuses to be rescued. She emphasizes that her living situation is enough for her and does not want others making decisions on her behalf, even if they would raise her to enjoy a more “proper” life. I liked the relationship that she had with Isabella - the two talk at length about how their father treated them differently and how they feel about each other, and I loved that they came to feel real affection for each others’ well-being.

Romance: I’m just going to say it - I wasn’t a fan of Luke and Isabella’s romance. Luke was way too dominating and didn’t seem to value Isabella at all, and it only seemed like he came to value her once he opened up about his past (and even then, he seemed to value her for what she was able to do to comfort him and keep him on his toes, not as a partner in her own right). Some may chalk it up to his anxiety about being in Spain again, where his worst memories took place, but just because a character has trauma, that doesn’t mean he can be a jerk without consequences. The point where this particularly became a big “nope” for me was when the two first had sex. Isabella and Luke are staying the night at an inn, and they start to get it on, as couples in a romance novel will do. However, when he penetrates her, she screams in pain. Instead of stopping to see what’s wrong, Luke keeps going until he is sated, and then they make a big deal about Isabella’s virginity. This lack of caring for her physical and emotional well-being put me off completely, and I gave up hope of Luke ever truly learning how to see his wife as a partner (rather than a subordinate).

Overall, this book suffers from a lack of suspense and an insufferable hero, and while I did like the heroine and enjoyed the interaction between the sisters, it wasn’t enough to overcome the lackluster narrative progression and rapey vibes from Luke’s POV.

#book reviews

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