#read harder 2017

[icantthinkofagoodnameoranything]

if I see another “good parents (insert character)” or a “good friend (insert character) or even a GOD FORBID “Worried (insert character)” on the DT17 ao3 tag I WILL GO NUTS!!!!

[destinywillowleaf]

alright, this is one HELL of a shot in the dark, but...

I'm trying to find the origin fic of this song. "Too Big For Us" was a song that was included at the end of a Voltron Legendary Defender fic and I cannot for the life of me find the story.

There is every chance that this fic was deleted.

From what I remember, it was a Lance-centric 5+1 about him being the one to act as support for the others (and then the team supporting him in turn). I'm 99% sure it was on FFN since I didn't really start reading fics on AO3 until 2019-ish. The song might've been something put in an author's note as a broken up YouTube link thanks to no outside links allowed on FFN. (It... COULD have been Hunk as the focus character? but I'm pretty sure it was Lance. I've been telling myself it was Lance as the focus at least. god if it ends up being hunk and ) There weren't any ships as far as I remember either.

The file says it was modified on February 19th, 2017, which I assume is the day I downloaded it or the day it was published, seeing as the listed "creation" date is in March 2022 and I know I've had it for longer than that. If I'm remembering things right, it was posted as part of the last chapter of the fic, because it was a multichapter (I'm... slightly less confident in the multichapter status but I'm pretty sure it was?)

The order characters are referenced in the song was also the order they were in each chapter... but I have no idea which section Pidge is supposed to be @~@ part of me says I was annoyed/confused about the lack of a Pidge section the first time around too but it's been like 6 years so idk how much of that thought I actually believe. Otherwise, I think the order is Hunk, Keith, Allura & Coran, Shiro, Lance, and Pidge was somewhere in the middle.

The lyrics, as best I can make them out, are under the cut. A few lines are covered up in just the wrong way by the piano chords so I'm sort of guessing with the words in the brackets. (The mixing really isn't the best but I have no room to complain since I'm not a musician of any variety)

Together we sit, as he relearns how to breathe His heart races with panic, deep set anxiety And demons fill his head as he fights off another's Ignore what still hurts as the light of hope is smothered

A boy in a bubble made of experience and fears A knife in hand and heart to protect him from tears Because bonds only seem to lead to pain Until someone can teach him to connect again

And in the end they'll come to me Cause everybody does And we'll fight together Cry together Wipe each other's eyes together In a war too big for us A war too big for us

A family in all but name, they say [stare??] comes in pairs A gentle touch is calming as a [??? braiding] hair When there is too much to do [without?] doing too much Go to him for support, drown their sorrow with a laugh

He's a fellow protector, with secrets to hide Whose fears and insecurities surface in the dead of night He's in need of help but doesn't want to burden That finds a companion, someone to confide in

And in the end they'll come to me Cause everybody does And we'll fight together Cry together Wipe each other's eyes together In a war too big for us A war too big for us

But sometimes your strength Could use some strength of their own, before it's too late Cause even the strongest of pillars Can crumble under the weight

But in the end they'll come to me Cause they know I need some love And we'll fight together Cry together Wipe each other's eyes together In a war too big for us A war too big for us

[demonking-propaganda]

13 spoiler-free reasons why you should read Mairimashita! Iruma-kun

...if you haven't done so already 👀 (With "spoiler-free" I mean I'm not describing plot points or characters, but under the cut I'll discuss the overarching themes, so be warned if that's too much for you. The first 7 reasons may be enough lol)

It's both funny AND wholesome. I literally can't read it without laughing out loud, and there are a bunch of chapters that make me cry every time I read them.

It's clever! The Japanese version contains several puns based on the kanji "魔" (read "ma", = devil, demon), starting from the title, but it's a recurring pun. The English translation adapts them pretty well. Plus, there are some of the best plot twists in recorded history (IMO). And the names and characteristics of most characters are based on real-life demonology.

It's queer AF. Like, really gay. There are explicitly homoromantic relationships and several nonbinary and gender non-conforming characters. One of these is the best unashamedly nonbinary character ever written. Plus, the manga premise can be seen as an allegory of hiding in the closet. The only thing that made me uncomfortable because of cisnormativity (boys in drag as a joke) is completely fixed in later chapters, and very well so.

It's feminist, without being preachy or paternalistic. Simply put, the women/girls are three-dimensional, complex characters, as the norm should be. And there are lots of them, without it being a harem (...the harem trope is actually used as a joke).

It's spooky and adorable, imagine Halloween vibes all year round. Both main and background characters are super diverse, and if you like monsters there is stuff for you.

Most characters are neurodivergent-coded. It's basically the autistic/ADHD manga.

The art is phenomenal. It's especially good to see the improvement of the art style over the years (the first chapter was published in 2017 and the manga is ongoing). Some panels are really breathtaking.

8. The story is about personal growth - like most shounen manga, fair enough. But the protagonist, Iruma, is so far from toxic masculinity I dare say he's the antidote to it.

9. It's also about found family, the discovery of unconditional love, and trust, and healing from familial trauma.

10. It's about finding a group of friends you belong to, and transforming your weirdness into a strength, identifying and cultivating what you're good at instead of fitting into a mold.

11. It's about the beauty of learning in your own way, and the importance of education and the shaping of future generations.

12. And the reason why I opened this blog: it's about fascism and fighting against it. I mean real fascism, as in "a powerful individual/group wants society to be hierarchical and oppress certain minorities, elevating a specific subset of the population based on intrinsic characteristics which are being misleadingly treated as merits". Ethno-nationalistic stuff. More specifically, it's about being a somewhat politically illiterate person, who learns about systems of oppression beyond personal injustices. It's about questioning what is the best way to arrange society.

13. Most importantly, this manga gives you hope about the future, something I find harder and harder to have. Hopelessness is dangerous - as people without hope stop fighting. This manga makes me actively feel better. Since it's ongoing I can't ensure it will always remain that way, but I've come to trust the author enough that I expect it to.

[gossippool]

what do you recommend for people who are very new to deadpool comics and looking to get into them?

hiii thank u for asking!! this is kind of a complicated question because there's no right answer really. especially with deadpool, there's no actual best starting point because besides the basic origin story that he was experimented on, everything else about him is fair game (he just lies all the time and has false memories about his past) and so all the comics are different, although some are connected. but here's a list of a few comics depending on what you want to explore (i have not read every deadpool comic ever so this is not the best list but i will get there):

for shorter and more lighthearted reads:

deadpool (2022)—SO so cute wade has a crush on this non-binary assassin and it's actually adorable how much he likes them lol. in terms of shorter deadpool comics i think this one is quite a standout [update: the ongoing deadpool (2024) is brilliant as well and is a direct more in-depth continuation of this]

deadpool infinity comic (2021)—a short partnership with sue storm. funny and the art style is so cute too

deadpool (2018) #6—the issues in this run are all kinda standalone stories (although they all connect at the end). they're all a fun time but this issue in particular is hilarious. comics usually don't make me actually laugh but this one did

for a more meta read that explores exactly what makes wade unique from other superheroes:

deadpool kills the marvel universe (2011)—in my opinion THE most iconic deadpool run, i'm sure everyone's heard of it lmao. a little darker but hey cameos from every marvel character ever. this was the first deadpool comic i ever read and it was a good time

for a familiar face from deadpool and wolverine (for other specific familiar faces you could just search "deadpool vs [character]" and that comic would probably exist):

honestly just search "deadpool and wolverine" and you'll probably get the whole list but here are some i've read that are lovely:

deadpool & wolverine: wwiii (2024)

deadpool vs. wolverine: slash 'em up infinity comic (2024)

weapon x-traction (2024)

for long in-depth characterisation that explores a lot of deadpool lore:

deadpool (2012)—if you've been following me you might know this is my favourite deadpool comic ever. it's pretty depressing and much grittier than the movie deadpool you might be used to, also REALLY long so it can be daunting but it's very worth it imo. it starts to get really good by the good, the bad, and the ugly issue and there's just SO much in it. for me wade in this run is inseparable from wade as a character to me (this comic is also followed up with deadpool (2015) and despicable deadpool (2017). these aren't necessary to read because 2012 kind of wraps up on its own, but it's definitely bittersweet to get to the end)

deadpool (1997)—another hulk of a comic run. i have not read this yet but i've heard very good things about it, and many people say that joe kelly is the defining deadpool writer so you could give it a go! older comics may be a little harder to read though, from experience

for comics featuring ellie (wade's daughter) that you may want to read in order if you want to fully appreciate her and wade's relationship:

deadpool (2012, 2014, 2015)

deadpool (2018, issues #8, #12, #15)

deadpool (2024)

a lot of comics will sometimes redirect you to other comics that explore a sideplot, and the main comic will just pick up where those left off so you could miss some storyline. despite this it's not necessary to read those other comics, but if you want to avoid multiple instances of this when you first go in, then i would suggest starting with the shorter runs!!

i hope this was helpful lmao sorry this got really long but i think the starting point really is different for everyone depending on what they like

[reasonsforhope]

"At HarperCollins, a lot of attention and thought is given to deciding exactly what combinations of margin measurements, font, and layout feel most appropriate for the genre, and writing style.

But in a case of do-your-part environmentalism, designers at the publishing house have now standardized a series of subtle and imperceptible alterations to normal font style, layouts, and ink that have so far removed the need for 245 million book pages, totaling 5,618 trees.

Telling the story in Fast Company, representatives from HarperCollins, one of the four largest publishing houses in the world, explained that the idea first arose in Zondervan Bibles, HarperCollins’ Christian publishing division. Being that the Bible is 2,500 pages or sometimes more, saving ink and pages was not just an environmental consideration, but one of production costs.

A new typeface called NIV Comfort Print allowed Zondervan to shave 350 pages off of every Bible, which by 2017 had amounted to 100 million pages, and which, as Fast Company points out, would be four times higher than the Empire State Building if stacked.

The production and design teams then wondered how much they could save if they applied the same concepts to other genres like romance and fiction. Aside from the invention of the eBook, publishing hasn’t changed much in the last 100 years, and the challenge was a totally novel one for the teams—to alter all their preconceived ideas and try and find a font and typeface that resulted in fewer pages without being harder to read.

They eventually standardized 14 different combinations their tests determined were the most environmentally friendly, and which delivered an unchanged reading experience.

But the challenge didn’t stop there. Printed books, one might not know, are printed in large sheets which are then folded into sections of sixteen pages, meaning that Leah Carlson-Stanisic, associate director of design at HarperCollins, has to calculate the savings of space, words, and ultimately pages with the help of her team to fall in multiples of sixteen.

Nevertheless, they have been successful with it so far, and in the recent print run of one popular book, 1 million pages (or a number near 1 million that coincides with the 16 times tables) were saved.

“We want to make sure our big titles, by prominent authors, are using these eco-fonts,” Carlson-Stanisic said. “It adds up a little bit at a time, saving more and more trees.”"

-via Good News Network, April 4, 2024

--

Note: Great! Waiting to see this on the rest of their books and at the other big publishers!

Actually, though, it's worth noting that this may not come quickly to the other large publishers, because Harper Collins almost certainly owns that font - meaning that other publishers would have to pay HarperCollins in order to use it, on an ongoing basis.

More on publishing shit and more realistic solutions here below the cut!

What I'm hoping for and think is more likely is that this will inspire the development of open source eco-friendly fonts, which would be free for anyone to use. That would make it far more likely other publishers would adopt eco-friendly fonts.

I'm also hoping it would inspire other publishers to create similar eco-friendly fonts of their own.

Ideally, there would be a whole new landscape of (hopefully mostly open source) eco-friendly fonts. And/or to see calculations of the eco-friendliness of popular existing fonts, compared to each other.

If we could have a publicly accessible list of calculations for different fonts, including fonts designed to maximize eco-friendliness, I really do think that it would affect which fonts publishers choose to use. Here's why:

Most people in publishing are on the left (notoriously, actually) and really do care about the environment

People in publishing are plenty aware of these issues re: paper and trees, I promise

Shorter books means smaller production costs - and possibly smaller shipping costs as well, over time! So it would save them money too.

Eco-friendly fonts could also be combined with other measures for greater effect, such as bamboo paper (already in use for a lot of projects where page color/quality is more flexible) and thinner paper (aka paper with a lower weight) that uses less trees.

Don't expect books to all move to just one or two different fonts, though. Publishers and typesetters and font designers will innovate to create more options instead, though it will take longer. This is because different books really do use different fonts for various different reasons - one new font to rule them all isn't really a solution here.

"Every book is in the same font" may sound like a "whatever" deal to a lot of people, but as someone who works in publishing - trust me, it would actually make your reading experience worse, even if you could never quite put your finger on why.

[wosola]

French kisses .1 - Lucy Bronze x French!Reader

Hey everyone! I’m J. I used to write fanfiction on Wattpad for another fandom, but for a while now, I’ve mostly just been reading. Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time on AO3, where I started reading WoSo fanfics and fell into @bruhnze’s incredible works. After reading everything she’d published, I found her on Tumblr.

Recently, @bruhnze announced she was taking a break from writing. We connected, and I had the absolute honor of reading through her WIPs. One of them really inspired me, so I asked if I could finish it—and she said yes!

Originally planned as a single fic, this story grew into a 3-parter as I worked on it 🫣😅 Long story short: WIP by @bruhnze, finished by me, and proofread by her.

Summary: This is during Lucy Bronze’s time playing for Lyon, she's just gotten into a relationship with R, a 22-year-old student. For R it is the first time sleeping with someone. Based on this request, from the☀️anon over on @bruhnze.

Warnings: This is an 18+ fanfic with explicit content, so minors do not interact.

You had grown up in Lyon, lived there all your life. It had never been particularly eventful—your life was great, really. You loved your studies, had a close-knit group of friends, and there wasn’t much more to it.

The only thing that seemed to be missing, or at least it was something that was out of sync with your friends, was your love life. At 22, you had never really had one. While everyone around you seemed to be hooking up left, right and center, it never quite worked out that way for you. Not that you didn’t want to; you did.

It was just that you had never met anyone who stirred something in you in your everyday life. Sure, you’d kissed people now and then, but whenever things started to go further, you found yourself pulling back.

As time passed, being a virgin at your big age started to feel a bit strange. You were well past the point where a one-night stand felt like the right way to lose your virginity. Maybe it was because you didn’t know how to navigate all of that, or maybe you were worried that whoever you were with wouldn’t expect it and you’d feel awkward.

But in the blessed year 2017, as fate would have it, everything changed when you met a cute English girl in the local supermarché.

She had been struggling to find something on the shelves, her expression a mix of confusion and determination, when you decided to offer her a hand. The girl, who introduced herself as Lucy, explained in broken French that she had just moved to Lyon.

You helped her find what she was looking for, and as a thank you, Lucy asked for your number. You laughed and teased her, asking what she planned to do with it.

She had grinned, the corners of her eyes crinkling, and in her charmingly imperfect French, she replied, "the least I can do is buy the pretty girl who helped me a dinner." That made you laugh harder, and when you joked about her not knowing any good restaurants yet, she just shrugged and said, "then you can decide where we go."

She had this boldness that was as charming as it was disarming—and, okay, maybe her being absurdly good-looking didn’t hurt in swaying your answer either. It was a yes without doubt, however towards Lucy you stayed a bit more unfazed.

That was a few months ago. Now, Lucy was much more comfortable with her French, picking it up quicker than you’d expected.

And not only was the woman smart, she was also incredibly athletic, which you'd noticed from the start. But on your fifth date, when you two had gone swimming, you couldn’t help but be floored by how fit she really was.

It wasn’t just her body, though—Lucy was thoughtful, kind, funny and so much more. You saw that side of her when she came with you to visit your grandpa in the hospital, bringing him a Lyon shirt signed by a player as a gift. You almost cried, you’d only mentioned that your grandpa was a life long fan of the club and here she was, gifting a signed shirt to him?!

That’s how you found out she was a footballer. Lucy had handed the signed jersey to your grandfather, grinning with that mischievous spark in her eye. “Hope you don’t mind it’s from a pretty new signing,” she’d teased. Then, with a playful glint, she added, “But I’ve heard she’s world-class. Do you know any players from Olympique Lyonnais Féminin? I can get another autograph if this one doesn’t impress you.”

Without skipping a beat, your grandfather, his face lighting up, assured her he did, mentioning that he always tried to catch matches, even if he mostly had to listen rather than watch due to his eyesight. “This is number 22, Bronze. She’s a great defender,” he said with pride. “I was thrilled when they signed her. Do you know her from England, or how did you manage to get this autograph?”

Your jaw nearly dropped as you glanced over at Lucy, who was barely holding back a smile.

“Yeah, you could say I’m close with her. Some say we’re practically twins,” she joked before reaching out to shake his hand. “But actually, I am Lucy Bronze. Nice to meet you, sir.”

Your grandfather’s laughter was as genuine as you’d heard in ages, his disbelief quickly turning into a delighted grin. It was as if he couldn’t believe his luck.

“I won’t let you down,” she told him, her voice softer, promising. “We’ll bring home the Champions League for Lyon.”

-

You’d been dating for three months now, and things were going great. Lucy had met your friends, and they adored her. You told her early on that you wanted to take things slow, and she had been nothing but understanding. She didn’t want to rush things either, but she wasn’t afraid to show you how much she liked you. Everything felt so natural with her, as if it was meant to be.

There was a dinner planned with your parents this Sunday, tomorrow she had a match, but today was one of her rest days after a Champions League game.

After a relaxed afternoon strolling around the city, shopping for a birthday gift for a friend, Lucy insisted on stopping by the supermarket. She wanted to cook at home, saying she wanted a romantic night with you. You agreed, and soon, you were back at your apartment, where you spent more time kissing than actually cooking.

It had been happening more and more recently—lingering touches, playful kisses that turned into longer, deeper ones. Every time, though, it stopped before it could go too far. Sometimes it felt natural, like you both were happy to just be together, but other times it felt more abrupt, leaving your heart racing. You wanted her, of course—how could you not?—but there was still that one thing you hadn’t told her yet, and it held you back.

Lucy had noticed. She’d asked a few times, worried that you might’ve had bad experiences in the past, but you assured her that wasn’t the case. You just wanted to take your time, and she had been so patient with you, always respecting your boundaries. Sometimes recently, it was even Lucy who would pull back, smiling at you sweetly, her eyes filled with desire but also understanding.

You loved her. You wanted to share everything with her, every part of yourself.

Twice now, she had stayed the night at your place. She had offered to sleep in separate beds, but you had waved that away, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep cuddled up next to her.

And now, after watching her play last night and lying awake, tossing and turning, you had decided that you were ready to tell her what had been holding you back.

You wanted, ached, to explore this part of your relationship, and tonight, with the romantic dinner she planned, felt like the perfect moment.

Now you were here, a lovely dinner behind your belt.. fidgeting with your wine glass, noticing that strangely enough, Lucy seemed a bit nervous too.

You both spoke up at the same time.

“Y/N—” “Luce—”

Breathy laughter filled the air, easing some of the tension you both seemed to be holding. “You go,” you said in unison again, which only made you laugh harder.

You gently took her hands in yours. “No, you go, baby.”

“Baby..,” Lucy repeated slowly, as if she was rolling the word around in her mouth, trying to make up if she liked the taste of it, her eyes searching your face.

Your heart skipped a beat. Shit. Did she not like that? You had been using the term more and more recently, thinking you were both building toward something more, maybe even thinking of her as your girlfriend already. Panic crept in until Lucy's voice broke through your spiraling thoughts.

“I thought,” she began, tightening her grip on your hands, “that it was about time… that I asked you to be my girlfriend.” Her words tumbled out quickly, like she was nervous. “I know you want to take things really slow,” she added, rambling a little, “but I just really, really, really like you. More than that even.” She let out a breathy laugh, glancing away for a second, before her gaze settled back on yours. “But I won’t scare you with that just yet. What I’m trying to say is... I want to call you my girlfriend. So, um… if you—”

“Oui!” you cut her off, the word bursting from you with so much enthusiasm that it took you both by surprise. You felt your face flush with heat as you quickly added, “Uh, yes, Lucy, I love you too—” You stopped mid-sentence, blushing furiously. “I-I mean, I’d love to be your girlfriend,” you corrected, your voice softer but no less sincere.

Lucy’s smile stretched from ear to ear as she stood up from her seat, and you rose to meet her. The moment felt so perfect, so right.

She kissed you, a kiss filled with warmth and love, and you returned it with all the affection you’d been building up for this woman for months now. God, you were in love.

After a few long moments, you pulled back, your heart pounding. You knew you still had to tell her the other thing. But Lucy was looking at you with such softness in her eyes, her face lit with joy. You couldn’t help but brush your thumbs along her cheeks, feeling the heat of her skin under your touch.

“Love me huh?” Lucy teased at your little slip of the tongue earlier, her voice low and playful.

You chuckled, your nerves easing slightly. “Yes, I love you, Luce, je t'aime” you admitted, voicing the words felt like lifting a weight off your chest.

“Hmmm…” Lucy hummed, her grin widening as she buried her face in the crook of your neck. “That makes me really happy. I love you too,” she whispered, her breath warm against your skin.

Before you knew it, Lucy’s hands had moved to cup your ass, lifting you up effortlessly. You squealed in surprise, even though she had done this before—it caught you off guard. Maybe because you still had to tell that other thing. But you couldn’t help but laugh as she carried you over to the couch, sitting down with you perched on her lap.

Both of you dissolved into giggles as you peppered each other’s faces with kisses, one after another. “I am so in love with you,” you murmured between kisses, your forehead resting gently against hers as you gazed into her eyes.

Lucy laughed, her nose brushing against yours. “It’s funny that we both wanted to tell each other that tonight,” she said, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

Your cheeks flushed again, this time not just from the affection but from what you knew you had to say next. “I… I also…” you stammered, trying to find the right words. Lucy tilted her head, a curious smile tugging at her lips as she waited patiently.

“I also wanted.. uh no.. needed.. to tell you something else,” you finally managed, your voice a little shaky.

“Oh?” Lucy’s eyebrows lifted slightly, her expression soft. “Is it… a good thing?”

You bit your lip, unsure. “I’d…uh.. I’d say it’s more of a neutral thing?” you said, trying to ease into it.

Lucy smiled, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze as she leaned back against the couch. “Okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that, right?”

You nodded, taking a deep breath. “Yes, I know. It’s just… hard for me to say, I guess.” You could feel your nerves bubbling up again. “I’m sorry for keeping it from you, but I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

Lucy’s gaze was steady, encouraging. “Hey, there’s nothing to apologize for,” she said softly. “Take your time.”

“I… I have never…” You struggled to find the right words, but they just wouldn’t come. “I mean, I know how everything works, of course, but I’ve just… never actually… done it.” The words tumbled out awkwardly, and you quickly looked down, embarrassed.

Lucy was quiet for a long moment, so long that you finally forced yourself to glance up at her. To your surprise, her expression hadn’t changed—she was still looking at you with warmth and understanding.

“Hey,” she whispered, her thumb brushing over your lower lip, gently freeing it from between your teeth where you’d been nervously biting it. “Thank you for telling me.”

You groaned, your forehead dropping against her collarbone. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and relief.

Lucy chuckled softly, her hand smoothing over your back. “Sorry for what? Like you said, it’s a neutral thing. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” She tilted your chin up so you could meet her eyes again. “I’m just happy you told me. Now I understand why we always stopped when we did.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and smiled shyly. Lucy’s hands found their way to your cheeks again, cupping your face with such tenderness that you couldn’t help but feel safe.

The two of you stared at each other, the weight of the moment sinking in before both of you burst into soft, breathy giggles, the tension dissolving.

You both had ended up lying down on the couch, nestled against each other in a comfortable silence. Lucy’s arm was around your waist, your head resting on her chest as you listened to the steady rhythm of her breathing. The warmth of her body and the way her fingers absentmindedly traced small circles on your arm made you feel calm, safe.

It must have been at least half an hour before you finally worked up the courage to speak.

“So… how do you, uh, want to do things?” you asked, your voice soft, almost hesitant.

Lucy tilted her head slightly, meeting your gaze with a curious look. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” she responded, her voice gentle, as if she were afraid of pressuring you. “I mean… I want to do whatever you want, however you want, and when you want it.”

Her words made you smile, a soft chuckle escaping your lips. She was always so thoughtful, so patient. But the truth was, you had been thinking about this for a while now. You swallowed hard, trying to push past the embarrassment rising in your chest. “I feel like I’m ready,” you began, but the words felt heavy in your throat.

Lucy’s expression softened even more, her hand rubbing soothingly along your back, waiting for you to continue.

“That’s… I…” Your face flushed bright red as you tried to find the right words. You couldn’t tell her just how ready you were without blushing even harder.

The truth was, ever since you and Lucy had started dating, you had never felt this kind of desire before. In the past few weeks, your own body had been betraying you, and the thought of Lucy, had been invading your mind, especially when you were alone. You had never been so… wanting. It was like something in you had awakened. It wasn’t just the emotional connection—you physically craved her.

“Uhm… it’s been hard,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, “not going further than kissing with you.” Your cheeks burned even more as you confessed, “But I felt like I needed to tell you this first before we went further… it was hard for me to confess.. I feel a bit.. uhm.. behind?”

Lucy’s thumb gently stroked your cheek, silently urging you to continue, her face calm and open.

“I’ve been thinking about… you,” you admitted, your voice faltering slightly. The vulnerability of the statement hung between you, the air thick with it. “A lot.”

Lucy’s lips curved into a small, tender smile as she listened. She didn’t laugh or tease you like you might’ve feared. Instead, she looked at you with a warmth that made your heart flutter in your chest.

“I’ve been thinking about you too,” she said quietly, her voice sincere. “But I didn’t want to push you, and I didn’t want to rush into anything until you felt ready. I wanted to respect your boundaries and I am really happy you told me this before we went further, and you’re not behind at all by the way, everyone does things at their own pace.”

You nodded, appreciating her patience but feeling the need for honesty. “But really I… I’ve been more than ready,” you repeated, the words rushing out now that you had started. “It’s been hard for me to hold back. I didn’t want you to think that I didn’t want to… you know, go further with you. I’ve just never… done it before.” You didn’t know why you were repeating yourself, maybe to bring over to Lucy how much you meant it.

Lucy nodded, her hand moving to intertwine with yours. “I get it,” she said softly. “I’m really glad you told me. I want you to feel comfortable with whatever we do, and I don’t want you to feel like there’s any pressure.” She paused for a moment, searching your face. “But when you’re ready, whenever that is, I’m here. We’ll take it slow, together.”

You smiled, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. “Thank you,” you whispered, resting your forehead against hers.

Lucy sighed contentedly as she lay beneath you on the couch, her fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns on your arm. After a moment, she cleared her throat, breaking the comfortable silence.

“So, um… your parents,” she started, her voice tentative. “Sunday dinner, huh? What’s that going to be like?”

You blinked, a little caught off guard by the shift in conversation. “What about it?” you asked, propping yourself up slightly to look at her.

Lucy gave a small, nervous laugh. “I don’t know, like… have you told them anything about me? Do they know we’re dating, or is this going to be a complete surprise?” She bit her lip, clearly a little anxious. “I just want to make sure I don’t mess this up.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “Why are you thinking about that right now?” you asked, your tone playful as you began trailing soft kisses along her neck, nuzzling into the warmth of her skin.

Lucy let out a breathy laugh, though her body tensed slightly under your touch. “I—uh… I just don’t want to screw it up. Are you sure you really want to do this right now?” she asked, her voice hesitant.

She turned her head to look at you, concern flickering in her eyes. “I don’t want to rush you, y/n.”

You giggled against her neck, pressing a kiss just below her ear. “Three months isn’t enough of a wait for you?” you teased, a smile tugging at your lips.

Lucy chuckled, her body relaxing slightly as she looked up at you, her nerves fading a little. “Okay… so the dams have really broken now, haven’t they?” She raised her eyebrows, amused.

“Well, now that I’ve told you, and you didn’t get scared away... I have to admit, I’m kind of excited. I mean…” you grinned sheepishly. “I find you really attractive.”

She smiled as you moved your hand under her shirt, your fingertips brushing against her warm skin, you whispered, “I’m in love with you, Luce. I want to share that part of myself with you, too. And you know…” You paused, leaning down to kiss her collarbone. “Je sais à quel point tu es bon au football, alors je ne peux qu’imaginer que tes talents athlétiques s’étendent au-delà de ce jeu…’’ You whispered.  

Lucy giggled, swatting at you playfully. “Oh, you’re cheeky,” she said, her eyes twinkling with mischief. But she glanced up at the ceiling with a grin and added, “Are you sure you’ve got no experience at all? It feels like I’m more out of it than you are right now.”

You sat up a little, shifting so that you were straddling her hips, your hands resting lightly on her stomach. You raised an eyebrow, curious. “Oh?” you asked, smirking slightly. “Has it been long for you?”

Lucy bit her lip, her gaze dropping for a moment before she admitted, “Maybe… half a year? I don’t know.”

“Versus 22 years,” you teased, rolling your eyes giggling. “I think I win.”

Lucy grinned, sitting up to face you, her hands resting on your waist. “Mmm, no. I think I win.” She leaned in closer, her eyes sparkling with affection. “I’ve got the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my life sitting on my lap right now.”

You felt your cheeks grow warm, your heart swelled in your chest. But instead of letting yourself get lost in the emotion, you smirked, leaning in close until your lips hovered just inches from hers. “Mmm, really?” you teased softly. “Tell me more…”

Lucy’s expression turned serious, though her eyes were still playful. “I mean it, y/n. Now that I know how much this means to you, I want it to be special… really special. I always wanted that for us, but now it feels even more important.”

You rolled your eyes in playful disbelief, letting out a dramatic sigh. “Mon chéri,” you whispered, brushing a kiss over her cheek, “we just had the most romantic dinner, confessed our love—I'd say that’s pretty perfect already, wouldn’t you? Besides, it’s already special because it’s with you, my love, you are the only person I could think of doing this with.”

Lucy’s smile deepened, and she reached up to brush her thumb along your cheek. “Perfect, sure,” she mused. “But… candles, flowers, fresh sheets…” She bit her lip, ‘’in my head I was going all out for you, I am not even wearing my good underwear, amour.’’

You chuckled, thinking of your preparations for today. ‘’I am.’’

You watched her pupils dilate, her eyes widening in surprise, and she swallowed hard, clearly taken aback. “Oh,” she said in a breathy tone, as if she had just forgotten how to speak.

You chuckled, watching her shift, almost flustered. “Are you getting shy, Luce?”

“No! It’s just that… I don’t know,” she stammered, running a hand through her hair, clearly struggling to keep her composure. “I really want to keep things slow, to be respectful and everything, but when you say things like that…” She scratched her neck, her voice barely a whisper, “it’s… hard to...”

“Hard to what?” you asked, delighted to see her cheeks flush, a sight you didn’t often get to see from her.

Lucy groaned, leaning back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s hard for me not to think about… taking things a little faster than planned.” Her voice came out all at once, as if she’d been holding it back.

You leaned in, your lips just grazing hers. “Well, what’s wrong with those thoughts, then?” you asked, teasingly brushing your fingers along her neck.

She exhaled softly, biting her lip as she hesitated. “Let’s… wait until after I’ve met your parents,” she finally managed, pulling back slightly, though it was clear that it took effort.

Your smile faltered, confusion and a hint of disappointment washing over you. “Oh… I thought…” You shifted off her, sitting up and moving to your own spot on the couch, feeling uncertain.

Lucy’s hand instinctively reached for yours, her expression tinged with a hint of panic. “No, no—y/n, it’s not that I don’t want to! I do, more than you know.” She looked down, as if gathering her thoughts. “I just thought, well, when you mentioned meeting your parents on Sunday, I figured it was important to you to wait until after that step.” She paused, glancing up at you with earnest eyes. “I actually had… this plan in my head for next week. Thursday, to be exact.”

You blinked, intrigued and slightly amused by her meticulousness. “You have… a plan?”

“Yeah,” she said, scratching her neck in that adorable way that always made you smile. “I even talked to your housemate to make sure she’d be out for the night. I thought, you know, after we’re official and all…” She laughed softly, glancing down shyly. “I was going to surprise you with candles, flowers, everything. It’d be in your own bed, so you’d be comfortable.” She pressed a hand to her chest, her cheeks flushed. “I didn’t want to pressure you, of course, but I wanted it to be right for you—like, um… create a perfect moment for us.”

Your heart melted as you listened, and you could hardly contain the adoration shining in your eyes. Here was this amazing, thoughtful woman who loved you so deeply, wanting everything to be perfect.

“Luce, you’re… adorable,” you murmured, leaning in to kiss her, your heart overflowing with love and gratitude for such an incredible girlfriend.

You could feel the heat and intensity building between you, like two magnets drawn together. Your mouths met in a deep, fervent kiss, a silent conversation of everything you hadn’t said and all the things you were both holding back. It was a kiss full of promises, anticipation crackling in the air around you.

As the kiss deepened, Lucy’s hand slipped to your waist, and you let yourself sink into her warmth, into her presence.

After a moment, you pulled back just slightly, a small smirk crossing your face. “Are we sure we want to wait until next week?” you whispered, your voice low. “Today is a Thursday too.”

She took a deep breath, nervous laughter lighting up the room. “Well, I don’t know if I want that, but I think it would be best, so yes, I think I want that.”

“Thursday can’t come soon enough,” you groaned.

You both laughed, the intensity giving way to a moment of lightheartedness as you laid together, feeling secure, knowing that when the time was right, it would be everything you both had been waiting for.

After a while Lucy scooped you up into her arms effortlessly, grinning as you let out a surprised laugh. She headed toward the bedroom, ignoring your glance back at the kitchen.

“We really should clean up first,” you protested lightly, glancing over her shoulder at the table still set with empty plates and a bottle of wine.

Lucy shook her head, a smirk playing on her lips. “Nope,” she said, nudging the bedroom door open with her hip. “Tonight we can cuddle, tomorrow we’ll worry about that again.”

Once in the bedroom, Lucy set you down at the edge of the bed.

You felt your cheeks warm as you began to undress, carefully slipping out of your top, suddenly hyperaware of her eyes on you. You hesitated, noticing she’d turned her head away slightly, as if trying to give you privacy, even now.

“No, you can look,” you murmured softly, smiling as her gaze shifted back to you, her eyes meeting yours with such warmth that your heart fluttered. “You’re my girlfriend,” you added, the last word feeling new and sweet on your lips.

Lucy’s gaze traveled over you slowly, and you felt a blush rising to your cheeks as you slipped out of your top and bra, letting them fall softly to the floor. For the first time, her eyes settled on the bare skin of your chest, and you could see her breath catch for a moment, her lips parting as she took you in.

You felt a mix of warmth and shyness under her gaze, but her expression was so open, so purely admiring, that you felt at ease. When her gaze lifted to yours, her eyes held a soft awe that made your heart skip. “You’re beautiful,” she murmured, her voice barely a whisper.

You smiled, feeling both vulnerable and cherished in that moment, before turning to her closet and reaching for one of her oversized shirts to slip on. As you lifted it over your head, Lucy let out a little chuckle, recovering herself, and as she undressed down to her boxers and sports bra, her cheeks were pink.

Once undressed, you both climbed into bed, buried under the comforter as you found each other in the dim light, legs tangling together. She pulled you close, and her mouth met yours again, warm and gentle.

The kiss deepened, lips moving slowly, savoring each touch, each taste. Lucy’s hand rested on the small of your back, sliding upward with a feather-light touch that sent soft tingles across your skin. You felt a pleasant, fluttering warmth in your stomach as her fingers brushed over you.

Your own hands explored her too, grazing the line of her jaw, the smooth skin of her shoulder, and then down to her waist, lingering as you took in every detail. With every kiss, your heart raced faster, your body responding to her closeness, feeling both electric and calm at once.

But just as things were growing more intense, you felt a faint pulse of nerves, next Thursday was maybe not so bad. “Wait,” you whispered, smiling softly, though your cheeks were warm. “We haven’t brushed our teeth yet.”

Lucy paused, her eyes immediately searching yours, understanding lighting up in her gaze. She brushed a gentle hand over your cheek, offering a reassuring smile. “Totally forgot,” she said softly. Her hand found yours as she guided you to the bathroom, fingers intertwined as you both stood side by side at the sink.

You shared smiles as you brushed your teeth together, Lucy’s shoulder bumping lightly against yours, and even things like this simple routine felt special in her presence.

As you finished, you turned to find her already smiling, her hand reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

Back in bed, Lucy wrapped her arm around you as you nestled close, her hand resting comfortably over your hip. You let yourself settle, your head on her chest, listening to the steady beat of her heart, your own hand resting on her stomach, feeling the warmth of her skin and the gentle rise and fall of her breathing.

In the quiet, with Lucy’s arm wrapped around you and her hand softly resting on you, sleep came easily, and the last thing you heard before drifting off was the sound of her breathing, steady and warm, and the quiet, whispered words she murmured just before you both faded into dreams; “Goodnight, my love.”

-

I hope you guys like this, I felt a bit rusty writing again, but I think in the future I might be writing more woso fics.

Part 2 of this will follow soon!

-J.

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

Reading the dire wolf trial, I tried to find what GRRM said about it as to why Cersei and Robert reacted in the ways they did. He said ages ago that Robert gave in at the end about the direwolf because he was trying to save his marriage.. but I struggle understanding this. Robert doesn’t seem to care about his marriage. Do you think it was to do with the fact she’d spent 3 days yelling at him about it and wanting Arya punished, so he gave in? What’s your thoughts? Upsetting Ned/hand/BF for that?

OK, so I was trying to find a source for that GRRM quote about Robert trying to save his marriage, and finally found this quote from GRRM's interview in St. Petersburg in 2017 -

Robert Baratheon definitely did not have an analytical mindset — he was an angry man, following his emotions. And if Sansa had told everything as it happened, he would have directed his rage at Joffrey rather than at the direwolves. But this is not accurate: at that time, he tried first of all to save his marriage.

However, that struck me as not at all like GRRM says things, and well, that's because that's actually a translation to English from the Russian translation of GRRM's response in English. So I looked harder (thank you, searcherr.work), and found what GRRM actually said:

Robert was not a, what you call, an analytical thinker. He was an impetuous, emotional man who was swayed by his emotions. And if Sansa had said what actually happened, he might have directed all his wrath at Joffrey and less at the direwolves. But it's not certain by any means, because at the same time, he was always trying to keep peace within his marriage and keep Cersei happy.

So! Clarification completed, why did Robert want to keep his marriage peaceful by keeping Cersei happy, or in other words, "save his marriage"? Why didn't he just say, "fuck it, you're right, Ned, my son's a liar and my wife is a bitch", let the direwolves go free, and divorce Cersei?

Well, two reasons. First of all, it's not for Cersei's sake. Like you said, Robert doesn't care about Cersei. However, the reason he married her in the first place was because Tywin was a powerful ally and his strength was needed to keep Robert on the throne.

"Cersei… I have Jon Arryn to thank for her. I had no wish to marry after Lyanna was taken from me, but Jon said the realm needed an heir. Cersei Lannister would be a good match, he told me, she would bind Lord Tywin to me should Viserys Targaryen ever try to win back his father's throne." —AGOT, Eddard VII

And by the time of AGOT, it's not just military strength that Tywin is providing for Robert, but money, and lots of it.

Grand Maester Pycelle looked to Littlefinger and asked, "Will the treasury bear the expense?" "What treasury is that?" Littlefinger replied with a twist of his mouth. "Spare me the foolishness, Maester. You know as well as I that the treasury has been empty for years. I shall have to borrow the money. No doubt the Lannisters will be accommodating. We owe Lord Tywin some three million dragons at present, what matter another hundred thousand?" Ned was stunned. "Are you claiming that the Crown is three million gold pieces in debt?" "The Crown is more than six million gold pieces in debt, Lord Stark. The Lannisters are the biggest part of it [...]" —AGOT, Eddard IV

Now, why the crown is in debt is a complex question (spoilers: the answer is Littlefinger), but three million gold pieces is a lot of money. If Robert drops Cersei like a hot rock, then the Rock wants its gold back. Losing all that Lannister money and military strength -- not to mention angering Tywin -- leaves Robert in an extremely vulnerable position.

[Which is why Renly planned to introduce Margaery Tyrell to Robert to eventually replace Cersei. A Tyrell girl specifically, because the Reach is extremely strong militarily (it has the most population of any region of Westeros because it's so enormous and fertile), and also extremely wealthy (the Hightowers, Tyrell vassals and in-laws, are allegedly "as wealthy as the Lannisters"). The fact that this would replace a Lannister stranglehold on Robert with a Tyrell one, look, Renly's lover is a Tyrell, he's perfectly happy with that situation.]

Secondly, but no less significantly, Robert wants to keep Cersei happy because it's easier for him than having her unhappy. Yes, she did yell at him for three days, but that's not the main issue here. Again, citing GRRM:

Of course, that scene also says something about Robert. And that's ominous, I think, that Robert doesn't stand up to Cersei in that scene when she demands, you know. Lady was completely innocent of the whole incident, but she's being a little vindictive there, and Robert is caving in. And that gives you, I think, an indication of the character of Robert. Robert does not like that kind of conflict. Robert likes the kind of conflict that he can win by hitting his opponent with a war hammer. But he doesn't like the kind of verbal argument, wrangling, and back and forth. That sort of thing just drives him crazy, he just wants it over with. 'Okay, you want that, I don't care about that, do it, let's stop this.'

Robert's primary flaws as a ruler are (1) he is lazy, does not want to rule, lets other people do the work, and does not care about their malfeasance; and (2) he hates verbal discussions and wants every solution to be something he can hit. And hitting Cersei was not a solution here, not in public in front of hundreds of people at least. (Especially in the hall of a house notably loyal to the Targaryens.) Talk about news getting back to Tywin, and Robert has enough issues without people actively gossiping he's like Aerys the Mad or Aegon the Unworthy. But "why didn't Robert just hit Cersei to make her stop bothering him" is a reddit-ass question so we'll put that hypothetical away in the garbage where it belongs.

Anyway! To sum up, Robert wanted to keep his marriage peaceful, and gave into Cersei on the direwolf question, because it was much easier than otherwise. Over, done, moving on now, where's the food. And as for upsetting Ned... well, Ned took it, didn't he, and that loyalty above all is one of his greatest flaws.

[thirstkanaphan]

ATEEZ FIC RECS (Hidden Gems)

I think it’s easy to find good fic in this fandom no matter your preference, but I am here to provide recs for underrated, perhaps under-appreciated stories that really clicked with me. 

About Me: I have been in fandom and reading fic for YEARS. YEARS!! My tastes are wide-ranging and omnivorous, so I will try anything and everything before I develop certain preferences. I enjoy some ships more than others, but I love a rare pair and I especially love when an author has a non-traditional vision and commits. So you’ll certainly see the government ships, but maybe not always in the ways you’re anticipating. 

Canon-Compliant/Adjacent/Divergent

Here are fics that really capture the angst, thrill, struggles, and joys of finding your soulmate in a fellow idol.

In Mars, There’s Stars by jonnijoongi [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 140k, Rated M]

Seonghwa thought that Hongjoong hated him. And well, he might as well hate him back. Except, he didn't hate Hongjoong. He could never hate Hongjoong. And maybe, just maybe, Hongjoong didn't hate him either.

This was one of the first fics I read when I got into the fandom, and it remains one of the best canon Matz fics we have. Just reminding us of our roots!

You're My Iron Man by jonnijoong [San/Wooyoung, 78k, Rated M]

Wooyoung was curious about San: the boy who was a shadow. Who liked to act like a duck. And was far too polite. But maybe was actually pretty cool? And cute?

The companion/prequel fic to In Mars, There's Stars, focusing on WooSan from 2017-2018. Delightful and sweet, featuring our boys being confused and falling in love.

Loyalty series by Yeonni [San/Wooyoung, 559k, Rated E]

Part 1: Follows Woo and San through 2018-2020 and their friendship developing into something else, but what? Part 2 Woosan is a top tier ship, unbeatable. After a difficult 2020, San confessed he's in love, and Woosan enters 2021 trying to figure out what they are now. Part 3 Woosan is a top tier ship, unbeatable. After San confesses, and Woo deals with some trauma over the first half of 2021, Woosan have struggled from friends to lovers and had 100 days of relationship drama.

This is, hands-down, the best WooSan story I’ve ever read. However, this story is not an easy read and the author will not spoon-feed you romance. Mind the tags. I've never been more stressed out about the success of a fictional relationship based on real people, but I've also never rooted harder for two crazy kids to make it work. Their happy ending is hard-earned, and by the end of this series I felt like I had completed a marathon.

I'll quote the author: "I [have] a special interest in human psychology and group dynamics, and that's my secret juice. I overthink a bit but not terribly, rather, I love to analyze behavior I see between other people, down to every flick of the wrist." If you want compelling drama, complicated and sometimes toxic relationship dynamics, unreliable narrators and unsympathetic characterizations, and for a story to rewire your brain, then please enjoy!

Sleep Paralysis by idrilka [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 77k, Rated M]

After they split dorms, Hongjoong starts sleeping in Seonghwa's bed from time to time. Neither of them ever mentions it in the light of day.

There is no better Matz writer than idrilka. Their fics are grounded in realism and filled to the brim with the tension, angst, and restraint that comes with YEARS of pining over your best friend and fellow idol. Thankfully, there are multiple installments in this series, each one based on actual canon Matz events that seem almost lifted from the mind of a fujoshi.

camera obscura by idrilka [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 29k, Rated M]

Given very little say in the matter, Hongjoong accompanies Seonghwa to Jinju for an impromptu vacation. The four days they spend there prove particularly illuminating.

Another banger from my favorite Matz writer, who puts us in Hongjoong's shoes as he pathetically yearns for Seonghwa in this sweat-drenched, hazy summer vacation of a fic.

Tell them I'm Yours series by Anonymous [Yunho/Mingi, 23k, E]

It's just sex, it doesn't really mean anything. And Yunho's straight anyway.

Hi, do you want to feel super depressed? The thing about canon!Yungi is that nothing is more compelling than their actual IRL story. By the same token, when I read canon!yungi fic, I often gravitate towards the more angsty end of the plausible scenarios for two people who obviously love each other but will probably never get it together (because of the Yunho of it all). Enjoy this heaping spoonful of bittersweet angst and know that there is a sequel and another installment on the way that promises more heartbreak.

Can I Keep You by jasperKjones [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 62k, M]

They chat lightly for a little while more before Maddox gets around to his real reason for calling; he wants to see if Joong is still doing okay, and to be updated on what he terms the ���Seonghwa Situation’. “I’ll be honest, dude, when you didn’t call me begging me to break you out of there by day three, I started thinking maybe you’d tossed yourself in the lake.” He pauses. “Or that maybe Hwa tossed you in and you just… sort of let him, like a lovelorn assclown.” “That’s a good album name,” Hongjoong replies dryly. “You should write that down.” “Avoidance,” Maddox notes, “and attitude. You’re down bad. You’re not fucking him again, are you?” Hongjoong winces guiltily. “No.” “But you’re gonna.” It’s not a question.

A great scenario where Hongjoong and Seonghwa start the story as somewhat bitter exes (but can you be an ex if you never had a relationship?) who rekindle their feelings during a KQ songwriting bootcamp in the woods.

Let me also recommend the Wooyoung/Mingi sequel

Genre Fic

While I appreciate and enjoy all the pirate/mafia/royalty AUs that populate this fandom, here are some stories that really felt inspired by genre fiction and feature excellent world-building and prose.

Place Your Heart On the Scales by Yeonni [Yunho/Mingi, 41k, M]

Something is stalking Yunho. Yunho and Mingi have a casual friends with benefits thing, going two years. Lately, Yunho has felt like something watches him from the shadows. Silly, right? But when Mingi discovers what is hunting Yunho, his efforts to protect him opens Pandora's box on the supernatural – and Yunho and Mingi's relationship.

A thrilling, suspenseful romance set in the urban fantasy genre. Yunho and Mingi find out their love transcends death, and it may be the one thing that will save both their lives. Part of a larger series that is followed by:

In Every Life by Yeonni [Jongho/Yeosang & Yunho/Mingi, 127k]

Yeosang is finishing up his police training when he runs into dropouts Yunho and Mingi, and their friend Jongho, a musician. Very soon Yeosang discovers that not only do werewolves exist, but they also in rare cases have soulmates, and he's apparently Jongho's. Together they're flung headfirst into the city's supernatural politics, while figuring out their relationship and the complicated balance between wolf and human. Yunho and Mingi's presence has stirred up the longstanding peace between werewolves and vampires, and the tension is set to blow.

"There's a million ways to live, but the only one I have any fucking interest in, is the one with you."

Fantastic world-building, complicated relationships, morally-gray characters, thrilling action set-pieces, and ROMANCE!! I bought into the soulmate bond as easily as Yeosang did in those first couple of chapters. And the YUNGI of it all!! As with their canon-compliant WooSan series, Yeonni has the powerful ability as a writer to make me shift between anger and defense of a character within one scene. Everyone fucks up, but they all have clear motivations and characterizations that make you understand WHY they do the things they do, even when you want to scream at them. I think about this fic constantly.

Complete, with a WooSan sequel in the works!

The Aurora Society for Paranormal Investigation by quickfixon (obarad) [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, San/Wooyoung, Yunho/Mingi, Jongho/Yeosang, 276k, Rated M]

Yunho is between writing gigs. His mother offers him a killer deal: move into the house she recently inherited and renovate it to sell. It'll bring in some money, if he can get the electricity to stop flickering. Or the heater to actually warm the place up. Or silence whatever is making that scratching noise in the walls. Meanwhile, a small group of men in town have gotten bored enough to begin a project, one they don’t want folks in town to know about. It’s a dead town, people say, one that will disappear in another generation, since everyone who’s anyone moves away the first chance they get. These leftover boys, though, the ones that stayed - they think the “dead town” name has more to it. They think there are ghosts. And they are determined to prove it. With a little luck, Yunho meets The Aurora Society for Paranormal Investigation. Before he knows it, his life gets tied in with all seven of theirs, and tied into the town itself. Will they ever catch proof? Who knows. But they’ll have each other to scream with along the way. Or:

The one where Ateez is a group of small town guys turned ghost hunters and have absolutely no clue what they have gotten themselves into.

This fic feels like a Stephen King novel. Small town, childhood friendships, hauntings and horror, second-chance romance, family trauma...everything you could ask for. I had to read parts of this fic with my hands over my eyes, it got so spooky.

vibrant, violent purple by lackadaisycalb [Yunho/Mingi, 20k, M]

Mingi stands frozen at the threshold of the bathroom, eyes unblinking as he watches the bright purple petals swirling in the toilet bowl, disappearing from sight like the secret it was meant to be. Yunho is looking at him with something like disdain in his teary eyes as he slowly reaches up to wipe at the corner of his mouth. "Knock next time," he says, voice thick and wavering and then goes to wash his hands in the sink. Mingi still doesn't move, just tracks the others movements with his eyes. Yunho washes out his mouth with water and splashes some on his face. Then he grabs the towel that's hanging just a few inches to the left of Mingi's arm and buries his face into it, leaning on the bathroom counter with his hip and groaning.

I love a good Hanahaki disease fic, it's such an underrated trope. This one gets extra praise because it's somewhat non-traditional: Yunho starts the fic suffering from the disease because he loves someone else and not Mingi, the guy he hooks up with occasionally.

ATEEZ in Christmasland (Krampus Night) by KaderinHall [Yunho/Mingi, Wooyoung/San/Yeosang, Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 154k, Rated M]

ATEEZ jet-set to Germany for what they believe will be an easy gig – shooting promotional content inside a brand-new amusement park, “Christmasland.” But after the sun sets, the once-cheerful park transforms into a place of nightmares. Their group was lured to Christmasland under false pretenses by a mysterious man who intends on using them as part of a pagan ritual, offering them up as sacrifices to the demon Krampus. Krampus, leading a motley crew of mythical monsters, embarks on his annual Wild Hunt with a singular mission – to capture the naughty members of ATEEZ and drag them down to hell. However, one lone member has managed to earn a place on Santa’s Nice List this year, making him the only one whom Krampus and the other creatures can't touch. As the last hope for his imperiled group, it's up to him to rescue them all before it's too late. Get ready for a rollercoaster ride of fear as ATEEZ fights to survive a terrifying Christmas tale like no other!

I am so glad I gave this fic a try. I can't believe it actually works. I love that this author committed to the the most bonkers premise and wrote something legitimately thrilling, engaging, and - yes -romantic. I have yet to try their Cabin in The Woods fic, but that's on my list.

And who's gonna be standing at the end? (No one knows) by gvvdlilboy [Yunho/Mingi, Hongjoong/Seongha, 211k, Rated M]

“Come to my gym.” Seonghwa blurted out, “Let me train you properly and show you what boxing is all about, you have the right spirit and the right mindset. This is a golden opportunity.” Mingi’s eyes widened, his mouth fell open and his eyebrows arched before the same confused, “Huh?” He let out when Seonghwa first approached him found its way out of his lips, “Excuse me, what?” He added and rushed to stuff his mouth with chips once again, “Am I already wrecked to the point of hearing things?” Seonghwa snorted, leaving the chips to the younger and leaning to snatch a Pepero from the small pack Hongjoong was holding, “Come to my gym and I’ll turn you into a pro boxer, I’ll give you all the fame and the money you deserve, you’ll climb the ranks.” He promised, Pepero between his lips, “And you know who stands above those ranks?” “The Captain.” Mingi whispered, eyes fixed on Hongjoong who was placidly listening to the conversation. Or: Mingi was an underground boxer until he wasn't anymore. All he needed was for retired boxer, Park Seonghwa, and current middleweight champion, Kim Hongjoong, to spot his abilities and offer him a golden opportunity.

This Boxer AU really rewards your time and attention. The prose may throw you off initially; it's written in a very mannerist style that (imo) elevated this story about rookie boxer Mingi finding his place in the world into something almost Shakespearian. As his journey unfolds, you get fantastic world-building for this boxer universe and really excellent backstories and characterization for the other members. I love Ming in this fic, who is naturally gifted but struggles with anxiety and doubt; I also love his slowly-developing relationship with Yunho and how their progress and setbacks mirror the more action-focused boxer plot. They have one of the more compelling dynamics I've seen in a Yungi-centric fic.

Is it Hot in Here?? 🔥🔥

Smut with plot, smut without plot, kinks, lemons, limes, etc...

HONDA BABY by sugamins [Yunho/Mingi, 121k]

Yunho has a thing for cars. Mingi has plenty of toys to play with.

HONDA BABYYYYY!!!! THE FIC OF ALL TIME!! This fic gets referenced every other day on atiny twt and for good reason. It will rewire your brain. I can't go into detail; you have to experience it for yourself.

Soda Pop Soda Pop by dryad [Yunho/Mingi, OT8, 14k, Rated E]

Mingi just thinks that when one of your boyfriends stares at you in a schoolboy outfit constantly, the very rational, logical conclusion is a uniform kink that requires you to shove yourself into a skirt and thigh highs. Wooyoung makes things better-worse, and Yunho would really like his princess to understand something called real Yearning.

Obsessed with Yunho being obsessed with Mingi in a uniform, which Mingi completely misunderstands to sexy and comedic effect. The smut is so good in this fic, but the ending packed a really sweet and tender wallop to my emotions. This is also my favorite kind of polyteez scenario, where they all love and screw each other but Yungi are in love and everyone is cool with that.

Demystification (San And Mingi Make A Polycule) by ImNotSorryImThirsty [San/Mingi, Yunho/Mingi, OT8, 8k, Rated E]

While rooming with San on tour, Mingi finds out that San and Wooyoung are in an open relationship. San is happy to share his experience with Mingi, and Mingi is an enthusiastic learner. And since San is in love with Wooyoung, he doesn't mind that Mingi's in love with someone else, too.

Another great polyteez fic that leads with the understanding that they're all kind of horny for each other but respect that some members are in love with each other. Part of a larger series, but this is my fave.

I know you ain’t a drug (but you get me so high) by milkocaine [Seonghwa/Hongjoong/Mingi/Yunho/San, 15k, Rated ]

“I can help you.” Hongjoong’s hands rest on top of his, but they don’t move otherwise. Seonghwa’s laugh is strained. “I’m—I’m okay. I still don’t know if this is a good idea.” Hongjoong chuckles, but there’s an edge to it that raises alarm bells in Seonghwa’s head, skin prickling with goosebumps. “That’s not the kind of help I’m offering.” “T-then…?” It takes Seonghwa a few seconds to realize that maybe he shouldn’t have asked for clarification. Hongjoong’s eyes darken, head tilting just a bit, hands constricting down on his own just a little bit harder. “I’m asking if you want us to help you get off, Seonghwa.”

Nothing to see here, just raunchy, canon-compliant polyteez smut but with an undercurrent of something genuine and loving in the way Hoongjoong pays attention to Seonghwa's needs and gives him exactly what he wants. I'm a sucker for dom!HJ and this fic delivers.

Pleats and Thank you by size8font [Yunho/Wooyoung, 22k]

It’s just practice, Yunho tells himself from where he’s sat white-knucking his seat at the top of the tiered seating of the university gymnasium. It’s just practice. Routine. It’s raining outside, they have a game soon, so they’re practising. Yunho’s sure Wooyoung’s also mentioned something about a competition in the not-too distant future too, so it really all makes sense, but Yunho’s brain is currently working at about five percent capacity. If that. It’s drawing snickers from next to him where Mingi is sitting, or, more accurately, folded in half because he has weak core muscles, or finds Yunho’s current predicament hilarious. That is, Yunho suffering from ‘sudden-onsent can’t close his fucking mouth because the new cheer uniforms came in and Wooyoung obviously chose violence insomuch as he’s wearing a skirt.’ AKA: The Wooyoung in a skirt fic that spiralled into 22k of Horny Yunwoo.

YunWoo is an underrated pairing and inspires some of the filthiest smut, so please enjoy.

Honey, Look Who's Talking! by Syster [Yunho/Mingi, 8k]

“We need to fuck,” Yunho says, eloquently, his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth once he gets the last word out. Mingi just stares at him, his lips pursing, and Yunho continues before Mingi can say no, or worse, say yes. “Because of my dick,” he motions towards his crotch and, then, realizing what it sounds like, clarifies, “My talking dick. It’s, uh, a metaphor, or something.” “For us fucking?” Mingi says, brow furrowing. or: in a world full of magic, yunho wakes up one morning with a talking dick. he has to go on a quest to figure out how to make it stop before it ruins his career, or worse, his friendship with Mingi.

I LOVE crack treated seriously, and this story actually got me emotional over Yunho's talking dick. Just trust me.

(touch) starved by thanks_its_versace [San/Yeosang, 5k words]

Yeosang peels off his damp clothing and finds that at some point in the night his body has turned to gasoline. And the look in San’s eyes that meet his somewhere in the back of the changerooms, as he strips off his own clothing and Yeosang forces himself to look away, to not take anything that hasn’t first been offered - The look in San’s eyes is a housefire.

This writer gets what makes me so feral about SanSang. It's canon-compliant too, and knowing what we know now about Yeosang's struggles with receiving physical affection from the boys (San in particular) despite welcoming their advances...just enhances the flavor.

Omegaverse (with a twist)

I don't typically read omegaverse as I don't always enjoy how reductive the stories sometimes are about gender and sexuality; HOWEVER, I really do love non-traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics in fic. To be blunt, it feels more queer!

ricochet, misfired, but the bullet hit me anyway by pixiegold [Yunho/Mingi, 23k]

Yunho gets sent into rut early, and Mingi, unprepared and fighting with his unrequited feelings, helps him. It goes about as well as expected. A/B/O alpha x alpha AU

Pixiegold is my favorite Yungi author. They just nail the co-dependent, mutually obsessed, emotionally-stunted dynamic that draws me to this pairing IRL but also writes the filthiest, raunchiest smut for them (mind the tags). Has a sequel!

i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did by pixiegold [Yunho/Mingi, 26k]

Mingi wakes up disgustingly hungover. He squints at the body lying in the unfamiliar bed next to him, taking in the long limbs and sliver of naked back. OR: Mingi, a beta, tries to navigate having feelings for an alpha that was supposed to just be a one-night stand whilst battling his own insecurities.

Another fave by pixiegold, who has a real knack for writing sex scenes that add to the emotional storyline.

i'd walk into these flames if it's for you by pixiegold [Yunho/Mingi, OT8, 17k]

When Mingi finally presents as an alpha, he is twenty-one years old. Not only is his presentation over three years late, but it's also excruciatingly, horrifically painful. He sweats into the bedsheets, crying in pain and Yunho smells strongly like distress and worry, which only makes him sob harder. All he wants is to lie down and never get up again, hating every second of the horrible, itchy, hot feeling that his rut causes, hating what he’s presented as, hating being an alpha. OR: Using bitching as an allegory for transness. (It's fluffier than it sounds).

I LOVE the concept of this fic, which uses the established structures of the omegaverse to delivery a story about trans!Mingi and the lengths Yunho will go to help the man he loves.

a comprehensive guide to unrequited love by Vitexy [San/Yunho, 35k]

San can’t think of a more disappointing moment in his life than the moment he presented as a beta. Betas don't release pheromones. Betas can't imprint. Betas can't even properly mate. Basically life is stacked against San from day one until he meets an alpha who changes his mind.

Another great story that probes at the systemic restrictions and biases that emerge from the omegaverse. San and Yunho make for such a sweet couple!

flora in your lungs by honeyl [Yunho/Wooyoung, Hongjoong/Seonghwa, San/Mingi, Jongho/Yeosang, 101k]

“Move in with me,” Yeosang says carefully, and Wooyoung’s world screeches to a halt. “What?” Wooyoung feels his mouth mumble out. “Just until you can get a new apartment,” Yeosang hurries to say, but he’s kind and there's a note of desperation in his voice that makes Wooyoung’s head spin, “Move in with me and my pack,” it's insistent but not pushy, as if Yeosang is trying to gently coax a stray kitten into safety. or Wooyoung sees kindness' extended hand and takes a leap of faith

This is a fantastic found-family (pack) narrative that centers several interesting romantic, sexual, and platonic dynamics between different pairings. It was really rewarding to see Hongjoong and Wooyoung grow to trust their new pack and form deep attachments. Yunho makes me swoon!!

Hard to Categorize

Like Sun to the Darkest Days by Marauderette [Gen, 305k]

Seonghwa and Hongjoong are already proudly parenting their five foster/adoptive children when their social worker calls. They can't possibly take in another boy, can they? Or: the foster kid AU that stars Seonghwa and Hongjoong as super parents and Wooyoung as their newest ('temporary') arrival. Deals with some really heavy topics, please heed the tags. Romanticisation of fostercare

I really wasn't sure about this fic at first, but it turned out to be one of the highlights of my year. This is a deeply empathetic and beautifully-written story about a family. Hongjoong and Seonghwa's relationship and parenting is so full of love, trust, and care, which allows them to navigate some truly upsetting plot beats surrounding Wooyoung and the circumstances that led him to their home. The author does a terrific job making the other members recognizable and their dynamics feel familiar, even transposed into this new setting.

That's it for now! Happy Reading! Feel free to let me know your thoughts on any of the fics I recc'ed!

[celestialgallaghers]

White Mustang: Saturday

I messed with the timeline a little bit but this isn’t real anyways and who built the moon era noel is peak dilf. Also gonna be splitting chapters up by days so expect ~ 7 parts :) This is a tad bit of a slow burn (my fav) so nothing too crazy in the early parts.

Prelude

Summary: You were younger then, and it was only a crush. Something harmless born in the long hours of a studio summer. But now Noel’s here, newly divorced and quieter then you remember, sharing a house on your family’s holiday. He’s more distant, harder to read, and somehow even more gorgeous with age. Suddenly the feelings you thought had faded are back in full force. But he’s still off limits… isn’t he?

Word count: 1.8k

2017

Saturday

You hadn’t thought about him in a long time. Not really.

The months after the album wrapped had been… strange. Quiet in a way that felt off. You missed seeing him every day. Missed the low hum of energy you always felt around him. But it wasn’t like you could just call him up for a drink. You didn’t even have his number. And time alone together outside of work had never quite felt appropriate. At least not to you.

Eventually, the crush faded. Life moved on. You worked. Grew up a little. Had a string of short lived relationships, none that stuck. Still, you’d catch yourself smiling when one of his songs came on the radio.

So when your dad told you Noel would be joining the family holiday, you were surprised and honestly, elated. Your memories of those studio days had settled into something fond. Warm. The pining you'd once felt seemed almost silly in hindsight. Sweet, even. Like remembering your first big heartbreak and realizing it wasn’t really heartbreak at all.

You’d seen the divorce splashed across the papers. The kind of messy public split you wouldn’t wish on anyone. You felt for his kids. Your own parents’ divorce had been brutal, and you’d been older than they were. According to your dad, Noel had lawyers breathing down his neck and needed a break. He’d invited him along more out of solidarity than anything else.

You, your dad, and your older sister Emily had arrived on Friday afternoon. The rental house was beautiful. All white walls and floor to ceiling windows, perched just above the ocean. Your dad and Emily had claimed the two best rooms upstairs before you had a chance, leaving you the downstairs guest room. Noel, who’d only been added to the trip last minute, would be stuck with the pullout couch. Not glamorous, but your dad said he hadn’t minded. Said he just needed to breathe.

Noel wouldn’t be arriving until late Saturday night. On the flight over, you’d listened to that album again. The one you helped him finish. And the memories came rushing back in full color.

You’d come a long way since then. Three years out of uni, carving your own path. You were helping an up and coming artist on her debut EP. It was something you were genuinely proud of. It felt good. Like the start of something real.

Saturday had been low key. Grocery runs, a walk into town, figuring out where to get the best cocktails and coffee. But by nightfall, Emily was already bored.

She talked you into going to some club. Said the trip needed a little chaos. “We’re on holiday. At least try to have a fling,” she’d said, half serious. 

That wasn’t really your thing. You preferred your holidays to be relaxing and unbothered by anything. Still, you let her dress you up and drag you out.

Hours later, you were sweating in one of her tighter dresses, perched on a barstool and nursing the kind of drink that was more sugar than alcohol. Not that it mattered. Emily had already lined up rounds of shots, courtesy of some group of men she’d charmed. She was off with one of them now.

You’d been pawned off on his friend, but your one word answers eventually bored him away. You’d officially hit your limit.

The music was too loud. The lights too bright. The crowd too much.

You found Emily on the dance floor and told her you were heading out. She said she was leaving too, with the guy. You made her promise to text you and be safe, then slipped out alone.

The night air was thick and salty as you walked back toward the house. The streets were quiet at this hour. Only the distant thrum of music from the club and the sound of waves crashing just out of sight. You welcomed the quiet. Your head was buzzing from too much sugar and too little food.

By the time you pushed open the door, the rental was silent. Cool air curled around your skin, a sharp contrast to the heat still clinging to you from the club. You stepped inside, shut the door gently behind you, and let out a soft sigh. Shoes kicked off. Shoulders relaxing.

Then you heard someone clear their throat.

You jumped, heart lurching, and turned toward the sound.

Noel sat on the couch, half shadowed in the dim glow of a lamp, a glass of red wine in his hand.

Your breath caught. “Noel—Jesus Christ,” you exhaled, pressing a hand to your chest. “Didn’t think I’d see you ’til morning.”

“Sorry,” he said, voice low and familiar. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Just… couldn’t sleep.”

You blinked at him, heart still racing. In the soft light, you noticed the subtle changes. A few more lines around his eyes, hair streaked with grey. It suited him unfairly well. He looked tired, though. Not physically, exactly. Just worn. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Right. The divorce.

You crossed the room and sat on the couch. For a moment, you considered hugging him. But it didn’t feel right somehow. 

“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep the first night either,” you offered. “Never quite do in a new place.”

He nodded, gaze flicking over your face. “You’ve been out tonight, then?”

“Em dragged me out to some god awful club,” you muttered, gesturing at the dress. “Made me wear this too. Apparently I needed to 'let loose.'”

His eyes dipped down and back up quickly. It sent some unidentifiable feeling twisting through you. Your head was still a bit fuzzy and now realizing that drawing attention to your revealing dress maybe wasn’t the best idea. 

“And where’s she now?” he asked, voice smooth.

“Probably still snogging some random,” you said, sinking further into the cushions. “At least that’s where I left her.”

He chuckled. “Sounds like she’s properly on holiday.”

He shifted, draping one arm over the back of the couch. The move looked casual, but something about it made the space between you feel smaller.

“What about you?” he asked, watching you. “Any lads catch your eye?”

You looked at him, really looked, and felt your breath catch a little. He looked good. Better than he had any right to at fifty. You’d forgotten how easy it was to get lost in the blue of his eyes, even dulled by whatever he was carrying.

You gave a lazy shrug. “Nah. Not really my type.”

A beat passed. “How about you?”

He went a little still, his expression closing up.

“Me?” he echoed. “No. Not really in the mood.”

You winced inwardly. Maybe you were being too casual, too familiar. You hadn’t seen him in years.

“How’ve you been?” you asked, shifting to face him more directly. “It’s been…what, three years?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Three years.”

He paused, a slight frown tugging at his mouth. “Things have been…well, they’ve been better.”

“I’m sorry,��� you said gently. “I read about the divorce.”

He nodded once. “Thanks.”

Then after a moment, “What about you? You look well.”

You exhaled and leaned fully back into the couch, relaxing after a long night on your feet. 

“I’ve been good actually. Got an album I’ve been helping out on coming out soon.”

His brows rose. “An album, eh? That’s brilliant.”

You smiled that kind of smile that came from pride more than politeness. “Yeah. I’m excited. Wouldn’t have gotten there without you, really. You gave me my start.”

He let out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “Nah. You had the ear. I just helped you trust it.”

Your chest warmed. “I listened to the old album on the flight over. Still sounds fucking amazing.”

His smile softened. “Yeah. That was a good time.”

His eyes lingered on yours, and for a moment, it felt like the room slowed. Like the memory of that summer, of all those long studio hours, was unfolding behind his gaze.

“I had the biggest crush on you back then,” you said, too easily, like your mouth forgot to ask permission from your brain.

The second the words landed, your stomach dropped. You hadn’t meant to say it. Not out loud. Not like that.

But Noel didn’t flinch.

“I know,” he said, calm as ever.

Your heart stuttered. He knew?

You’d spent an entire summer trying not to stare too long. Trying to be careful. And all that time, he’d known. And just let you.

The realization hit like a warm rush behind your ribs. A little thrill. A little panic. The kind of panic that starts in your chest and dips low into your stomach.

It changed everything and nothing all at once.

You swallowed and glanced away, but the weight of his gaze pulled you back. Your stomach flipped again, but this time it wasn’t from embarrassment. It was from the way he was looking at you now. His eyes searching yours like he was trying to find the version of you he remembered.

And just like that, you were twenty-two again. Flushed and aching. Trying not to look too long at the married man across the mixing desk. Except now, you weren’t twenty-two. And he wasn’t married.

He was single. And here. And watching you.

Your gaze moved across his face, slower this time. He looked exactly the same except somehow older in a way that only made him more handsome. Time had been absurdly kind to him.

You felt your body lean in, just a little. Enough to hope he didn’t notice. Or maybe that he would.

He was staring now too. His eyes dropped to your mouth, lingered, then flicked lower before meeting yours again. A flicker of something passed through them, maddeningly unreadable.

Maybe your crush hadn’t disappeared after all. Maybe it had just been lying dormant, starved of oxygen. Waiting.

The thought scared you more than you expected.

You weren’t sure who had moved, or if either of you had, but the space between you suddenly felt too small. Charged.

You could almost feel what it would be like if you closed it. The warmth of him. The smell of wine and salt air and cologne.

Then, abruptly, he drained the rest of his wine and stood.

“Right. I should be getting to bed,” he said, nodding toward the couch.

You blinked, slow to follow. Oh. Right. You were in his bed. The thought lodged itself in your chest.

You stood from the couch, a little unsteady, the cheap vodka still working its way through your system.

Noel’s hand came out instinctively, catching you at the waist. “Careful, love.”

The word love curled in your ears. His touch was gentle but firm and sent heat crawling up your neck.

This was bad. Very bad.

You swallowed and moved away from him. “Yeah, I should be getting to bed too.”

He nodded. “Take a glass of water.”

You nodded and turned down the hallway, hyper aware of the way your dress cut across your back. Hyper aware of his eyes on you. Still feeling the phantom touch of his hand.

You were so fucked.

[kanmom51]

Bringing back Only then

I've been missing Jikook so very much and watching song edits, cause why not, right?

And Only then, that is one that is on repeat for me.

JK's cover of this song is so damn good.

And I'm sitting there eating my breakfast (tmi of the day?) and watching the edit and reading the lyrics again and it just clicks in my brain.

Obviously those lyrics and JK's choice to cover the song and his unbelievably emotional singing that just draws you in is not something new. This song meant something to him, way back in 2018. Let's not forget that he released his cover for White day 2018, surprise surprise. Yeah, White day. We know what he was doing on White day 2023...

March 2018, following Jikook's Tokyo trip. March 2018, when members were rethinking if, what, where and how to continue as BTS, as artists.

This one wasn't written by him, but it sure meant A LOT to him!!!

Those lyrics.

They meant everything back then in 2018.

But now. In 2024. Looking back at the two of them, and even more so at the last 3 years, these words, they hit me like a freight train.

The lyrics.

Their past.

Their present.

Their future.

The way to love me isn’t hard Just hold me tight like you are now

We don’t know what will happen to us later But I like that nothing’s decided

Who cares what others say? We can’t live without each other, so what’s the problem? We can be more in love together

I can't...

These lines hit even harder now that we know what they went through in 2023 (well, part of what they went through, but we did see on live just how affected JK was), and to what lengths they went to not be separated during their military service.

But this isn't the end of it.

Because the next lines repeat that sentiment.

If you start to like someone else If I get used to not being with you When that time comes, when it’s that time Only then we can break up

And obviously, that ain't happening any time soon.

Nope, not happening...

Not at all.

Oh, and back to this again...

This song, it's lyrics, they just hit so hard.

The way to love you isn’t hard If I smile once more and care for you more

Clip credit to @ nuri  நூரி

The way we love isn’t hard If we look at each other like it’s the first time every time

Whether you want it or not, I’m going to hold onto you When I get too tired that I can’t even walk When that time comes, when it’s that time Only then we can break up Only then we can break up

Now I am definitley ugly crying. Bawling my eyes out.

I miss them so much.

😭😭

[corvidcrossbow]

~•♡•~ Total Eclipse Of The Heart

➳ Summary: You take Daryl to watch the 2017 solar eclipse (Daryl x GN!Reader)

➳ Setting: Southern Virginia, August 21st, 2017 (in the 6 year timeskip in season 9)

➳ Word count: 1.6k

➳ C/W: Nothing

➳ A/N: Simple thing cuz I hated Leah watching something as special as the eclipse w/ Daryl in the show cuz I DO NOT LIKE her ass so I rewrote it cuz I believe there's few things more bonding than watching an eclipse with someone. Whippin out the dad music reference on this one. (I am working on reqs! I just have training for my job which my boss very reassuringly dubbed “bootcamp” and health shit is beating my ass I need to call like 3 specialty clinics again um 🗿)

“Ya ever gon’ tell me where we goin'?”

“Nope. Almost there,” You replied, a cheeky grin on your face as you swiveled your head back to glance at Daryl who sat behind you on his motorcycle. You'd dragged him out of his guilt-ridden solitude in the forest and demanded he get on, saying you needed to show him something and would not be taking ‘nah’ for an answer. You'd been driving southwest for nearly two hours now, headed towards something specific.

Daryl had little sense of the date, having spent nearly the last 3 ½ years out in the woods, wrapped up in his search for Rick. You stayed with him from time to time, Carol checking in as well, but he was too stubborn to go home with either of you no matter how many times you urged it. Even if he knew the day, you weren't sure he'd even know why it was special.

You, however, had been tracking the calendar and lunar cycles, and kept one specific date and pattern in your mind for the last 7 years; August 21st, 2017. You remembered ages ago, reading on science forums and listening to programs on the television, that today, the paths of the moon and the sun would perfectly align and grace a total solar eclipse across the entirety of the United States.

Your lives were such shit in so many ways: flesh eating, rotting corpses snarling after you at every second, run in after run in with malicious and corrupt people and groups, the lack of food, water, shelter and security, so many people gone – and that didn't include everything from before the dead reawoke. And with Daryl unadmittably depressed after the bridge, you would've done anything to show him there were other things in life to focus on. To live for.

So you left Alexandria early in the morning, found Daryl's camp, and forced him to join you. At first he'd thought something godawful had once again disturbed the communities, so bad you couldn’t tell him. But when you started driving the opposite direction, he grew confused and repeatedly asked what was going on, yet you never gave him an answer. Still, he trusted it was important – trusted you – and let you lead him.

❥-》》—————➣

You pulled off the side of the road, powering down the engine and putting up the kickstand, sliding off and stepping to walk into the forest. You'd gone further down into Virginia, knowing that was closer to totality. It wouldn't be complete, but the distance made a difference. “Alright, c'mon.”

Daryl grabbed your wrist, tugging you back and catching your attention, his eyebrows narrowed. “Really? Tha hell's s’all this? Ya haul me'ah hundred miles away tah walk in tha damn forest?”

“Ya spend all your time in a forest anyway, Dixon.” His expression hardered a little, and you sighed. “Please just follow me. I promise you, it's worth it.”

He looked over the features of your face, judging the sentiment they conveyed, and after a moment let you go. You were already here, no point in going back now. As you spun back around, he begrudgingly trailed after you.

You scanned the environment as you went, stopping near an opening in the canopy of trees that gave view to the sky. You could tell by the slanting of shadows and the slightly abnormal shape of light above you that the process had already begun, all that was left was to observe. So you set your bag down and sat, motioning for Daryl to as well.

“Thi'sa picnic or sum?” He questioned, grunting a little as he unsurely slung his belongings off his shoulder to the ground and did the same, settling beside you.

“Could be, I do have some food.” He didn't seem amused. “But no, not a picnic. You know what the day is? Any idea why it's meaningful?”

“Ts'summer, kno’ tha’. M'ah supposed tah kno’?”

“Maybe, I don't expect you to. Here.” You twisted and opened your bag, reaching for a welding mask you'd brought along and passed it to him. “Look at the sun.”

The archer eyed the facial shield, then you, but listened and held it to his face before shifting his gaze up. He squinted, taking sight of the arc carving that ate into the historically circular form of the burning celestial body. And you explained; “It's August 21st… 2017.”

He had to think for a bit. “Tha eclipse?” He lowered the mask and peered back at you. Memories lodged deep in the layers of his mind sparked; learning about eclipses way back in highschool and hearing his teacher mention it, then the annular one in ‘94 and seeing pictures plastered all over the news where they discussed the future.

“Yeah, thought we should see it. It'll look better down here, not perfect, but still… and the lens on that is dark enough it shouldn't hurt our eyes,” You answered, taking your own look before laying back and using your bag as a pillow. It wasn't particularly comfortable, but that's roughly the last thing you cared about right now.

He couldn't help but just stare for a minute, studying how nonchalant you were about everything. How you'd so easily removed him from his rut when so many other attempts had failed, even with his cluelessness around your intentions – like some larger force took hold and finally willed him to break his destructive routine.

Daryl sprawled out next to you on the forest floor, trading the welding shield back and forth over the course of the next half hour, as well as a piece of paper to see the casted geometry. You both watched as more and more of the sun was etched away, taking mental images each time and comparing the new form to the old. It was mostly quiet, lost in similar awe but varying thoughts. You inched closer every time it was his turn, assuming he noticed but didn't point it out.

“Y'know… total solar eclipses are meant to be when the deities and energies fuse, just as the paths do. A window for opportunities and transformation… time for change,” You commented, recalling all people said about the symbolism of such an event. He gave an ‘Mm’, just so you knew he'd heard you, but paid more attention to the progression in the ethers.

The world around you began to rapidly darken, a sliver of orange glow visible in the makeshift glasses. Knowing it was close, you slid your left palm into his right, weaving fingers together, and he returned the hold, still remaining absorbed in the view.

The moon crossed over the sun – at least as best it would from your vantage point; golden rays illuminating around solid black. As Daryl's eyes locked on the sky, taking it all in, yours locked on him, choosing to watch him over a potentially once in a lifetime occurrence. He lowered the mask to briefly see it fully, now reaching for the sheet.

He looked at peace, maybe for the first time in his life: the constant storm of thoughts that persistently clouded his mind finally parting, even if for just a small moment. You witnessed the glitter of genuine emotion return to his blue's, something you'd feared was so long abandoned it may have been forgotten. Rich browns of his wavy hair glowed iridescent auburns when shimmers of sunlight peeked through the leaves, perfectly complementing everything about his being.

You knew you each needed that change.

“I love you.”

He took a second, making sure the sound of your voice was real and not crafted by his own imagination. His head turned, somewhat staggered to find your eyes already meeting his. It was impossible to rip away, your visions warping together as you seemed to merge, entranced by the little crescents that reflected on each other's irises. His free hand ditched the paper and reached over as he partly rolled to his side.

“For a long time.”

In fluid movements, Daryl's calloused fingers smoothed across the delicate skin on your cheek, leaning in and bringing you to him in a longing kiss. You didn't entirely expect it, although you didn't expect anything in particular at all, too unsure of how he'd react. But you pushed back against him, deepening the kiss and paying no thought to anything beside how it felt to finally overlap with him – till he broke away.

“I love ya too,” He mused, accent thickening in the confession. When you opened your mouth to continue, he shut you up with another peck and angled your face straight above. “Watch. M'not bein’ tha reason ya miss this.”

Words could wait, but the eclipse would not. So you obliged, cuddling closer to him and squeezing his hand as birds and insects sung in a concerned ensemble triggered by the daylight's disappearance.

The tranquility was eerie, a sensation mostly left in the rubble of society and replaced by prevalent chaos. You wondered if the feeling was shared elsewhere; at home with everyone in Alexandria, with survivors across the entire rest of the country. Maybe those who didn't know thought the holy spirit was returning to rescue your raptured souls. Did the walkers pause to look too? Everything so out of the ordinary it caught their attention?

But none of that mattered to you, because you had it here. And you basked in it with the one person you'd always hoped you would've.

©corvidcrossbow 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified or adapted to other platforms. My work may be translated only if asked and with proof of given consent.

[celebtf]

Wow, you replaced Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendes and Alex Sampson - great! But what's about athletes like Nico Hischier? He's a star in the NHL and the no. 1 draft from 2017. Any chance to read something about him?

THE NHL SECRET

The locker room was silent, save for the faint hum of the flickering fluorescent lights. Adam Keefe sat slouched in a chair across from his brother Sheldon, his face a twisted mask of frustration.

“I can’t take it anymore,” Adam growled, his voice thick with bitterness. “Sitting on the sidelines, watching other men live the life I was meant for. I’m nothing now. A washed-up coach in Belfast.”

Sheldon’s lips curled into a slow, malevolent smile. “You’re more than that, Adam,” he said, his voice dripping with false sympathy. “You’re my brother. And I don’t leave my family behind.”

Adam looked up, his eyes narrowing. “What are you saying?”

Sheldon leaned forward, his face inches from Adam’s. “I can give you your life back. Youth. Strength. Everything you’ve lost. But it comes at a price.”

Adam hesitated. “What kind of price?”

Sheldon’s smile widened, revealing teeth that seemed sharper than before. “We’ll need someone to take your place. Someone who’ll disappear without anyone suspecting a thing.”

Adam stared at him, suspicion flickering in his eyes. But Sheldon’s gaze was unwavering, cold, and calculating.

“Who?” Adam asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Sheldon leaned back, his smile turning into a smirk. “I’ve got someone in mind.”

Nico Hischier was dragging himself to his locker after practice, his body screaming in protest. Coach Keefe had worked him harder than ever, pushing him to the brink.

“Captain,” Sheldon’s voice rang out, sharp and commanding. “Locker room. Now.”

Nico frowned but obeyed, trudging into the dimly lit room. A single chair sat in the center, the overhead light casting an eerie glow.

“What’s this about, Coach?” Nico asked, his voice tinged with unease.

Sheldon didn’t answer. Instead, the door slammed shut behind him, and the lights snapped off.

Nico felt hands grab him, rough and unrelenting. He thrashed, but he was no match for the strength holding him down. His wrists and ankles were bound to the chair, and a filthy sock was shoved into his mouth, muffling his cries.

The lights flickered back on, revealing Sheldon standing beside another man—Adam Keefe.

Sheldon stepped forward, his shadow looming over Nico. “You’ve been such a good captain, Nico,” he said, his tone mocking. “But every leader has to make sacrifices.”

Nico’s eyes widened in terror, his muffled screams filling the room. Sheldon grabbed his face roughly, forcing Nico to look at him.

“Do you know how long I’ve been planning this?” Sheldon hissed, his voice dripping with malice. “You’ve got everything—youth, strength, skill. You don’t deserve it.”

Adam chuckled darkly. “And I do.”

Sheldon released Nico and turned to Adam. “Put on his gear. It’s time.”

Adam hesitated for a moment, then began stripping Nico’s equipment piece by piece. Nico squirmed and thrashed, but the ropes held firm. Sheldon watched with a gleeful smirk as Adam pulled on the gear, each piece fitting him perfectly.

Then the chanting began.

The words were harsh and guttural, slicing through the air like knives. The temperature in the room plummeted, and a dark energy seemed to envelop them.

Adam’s body began to change. His muscles bulged, veins throbbing beneath his skin as his frame expanded. His shoulders widened, his posture straightened, and his skin took on a youthful glow. His face contorted, reshaping itself into Nico’s. His hair darkened, growing out to match Nico’s perfectly.

Adam groaned, his voice deepening and shifting until it was identical to Nico’s. When the transformation was complete, he stood before the real Nico—a flawless copy.

Adam-Nico turned to the mirror, his lips curling into a wicked smile. He flexed his arms, admiring the raw power coursing through his new body.

“This... this is incredible,” Adam-Nico said, running his hands over his chest and arms. He turned back to Nico, who was trembling in the chair.

“How does it feel?” Adam-Nico taunted, stepping closer. “To see someone better living your life?”

Sheldon laughed, clapping his brother on the back. “Go on, Captain. Rest up. Big game tomorrow.”

Adam-Nico grabbed his bag and strode out, his laughter echoing in the hall.

Sheldon turned back to Nico, his eyes gleaming with sadistic delight.

“You didn’t think we were done, did you?” he sneered.

Nico’s muffled screams intensified as Sheldon began chanting again, his voice lower, more menacing. The air in the room seemed to vibrate with dark energy.

Nico’s body convulsed, his muscles withering and shrinking. His skin sagged, wrinkles carving deep lines into his face. His hair turned gray, then white, before thinning to nearly nothing. His hands trembled as they aged, veins standing out like brittle roots.

The pain was excruciating, his body burning as it transformed into someone decades older—someone he didn’t recognize.

By the time Sheldon finished, Nico was no longer Nico. He was Adam Keefe.

The new Adam looked down at his gnarled hands, his voice a hoarse whisper. “What... what did you do to me?”

Sheldon crouched in front of him, his grin predatory. “You’re nothing now. Just an old has-been.”

The door swung open, and Adam-Nico strolled back in, smirking. “Forgot my jock,” he said, then froze, his gaze landing on the new Adam.

“Well, well,” Adam-Nico said, his tone mocking. “Looks like the mighty captain’s fallen.”

The brothers laughed, their cruelty palpable.

“You’ll get used to it,” Sheldon said coldly. “Or not. We don’t really care.”

The two grabbed the real Nico—now Adam—and dragged him out.

As they threw him into the car, Sheldon whispered, “You were never going to win. This was always our game.”

The brothers’ laughter echoed as they drove off, leaving Nico broken and defeated.

The brothers had won, reveling in their twisted triumph.

And Nico? He had lost everything.

[bakibakideemon]

I’m back to into Haikyuu!! And before I say anything - I absolutely adore Kageyama. It’s been a minute that have thought about his character/ discussed him. But recently came across some really great character studies of him.

Here is a list of Fics I read recently which I fell do his character justice (and just because I like them). (These are amazing fics by some great authors)

1) The best thing you (n)ever had by eleasofia

Summary: When Oikawa is asked out by Kageyama for the first time, he turns him down, saying he wouldn't date someone who is so clearly inferior to him. Three years later, after Seijou's loss to Karasuno, Kageyama asks again, and despite not really (read as: absolutely not) wanting to, Oikawa somehow ends up agreeing nevertheless. It might really be time to forget about old grudges and move on. Turns out, it's even harder than he thought it would be.

Published: 2017-12-05 Words: 6,425 Chapters: 1/1

2) Normal by AuthorInDistress

Published: 2018-10-15 Words: 5,031 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: A special guest is here in Kageyama's town and he couldn't care less.

3) I don’t know where we’re going, but I’d like to be by your side by voices_in_my_head

Published: 2020-08-03 Words: 8,548 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: "Atsumu doesn’t approach Kageyama Tobio the first day of the youth training camp, but he does keep an eye on him. He’s not the only one; everyone is curious about the main setter of the team that finally uncrowned Shiratorizawa."

Or: once Atsumu got to meet the real Kageyama, he never stood a chance. Honestly, he's not that bothered about it.

4) With all my love (And almost all of my mind) by rumxrs

Kei heaves a sigh, raking a hand through his short blonde curls. Tobio repeats the action unknowingly, and shivers shortly afterwards. A nervous shiver, like death was sending spearmint puffs of air down his neck.

Their story; told in snapshots, phone conversations, and dreams.

Published: 2016-03-29 Words: 2,175 Chapters: 1/1

5) Make It True, Takeru by luvtooru

Summary: After overhearing his uncle Oikawa mention he had a crush on someone with 'black hair and blue eyes,' Takeru assumes he’s talking about Kageyama, the grumpy setter from Karasuno. Unaware that Oikawa actually meant Shimizu-san, Takeru dives headfirst into a chaotic mission to play matchmaker—for the wrong person

Published: 2024-11-10 Words: 7,969 Chapters: 1/1

6) can this be a real thing (can it?) by akaashism (acciomerlin)

Summary: Tobio has an unexpectedly steamy dream about Oikawa one night. He tries his best to grapple with the resulting cocktail of feelings it invokes, but maybe an accidental revelation has its own set of rewards in store.

Published: 2023-06-20 Words: 10,712 Chapters: 2/2

7) What do you see when you look at me? By Aync1lgw

Summary: Three people - A woman who has been pining after Oikawa for years and finally wants to confess her feelings, a taxi driver who just happened to pick Oikawa and Kageyama up from the bar and then Oikawa's old roommate from medical school with whom Oikawa was sharing a rental apartment for the week. What is it that these people see when they look at Oikawa Tooru and Kageyama Tobio together?

Published: 2021-11-24 Words: 5,739 Chapters: 1/1

8) infernal devices by lettucehope

Summary: In a quest for revenge, Tobio learns that store-bought flames work just fine when you're summoning the powers of Hell.

Published: 2022-07-02 Words: 26,886 Chapters: 8/8

9) Cute bastard by mitoe

Summary: Oikawa calls Kageyama cute bastard every time he sees him and Kageyama hates it

Published: 2022-05-03 Words: 4,254 Chapters: 1/1

11)

10)

[kyunghwannie]

Which members would you be least surprised to find out had made porn?

KYUNGHWANNIE'S "TWICE: THE SECRET PORN STAR TIER LIST" 💎

(Disclaimer: Still 100% fanfiction. Still judging you. Still sparkling harder than Tzuyu’s visuals.)

Didn't read my SaMo series?

Here it is: Two chaos cuties

1.) The Member Who Definitely Made Porn (And We’d Stan) – Sana

The Plot: That girl has zero shame and all the tease. If anyone filmed a solo scene, it’d be her.

Style: Playful, bratty, and loving every second. Think "accidental" nip-slips turning into full-on masturbation shots.

Signature Move: Riding the camera like it’s her "TT" choreo, giggling when she cums.

Kyunghwannie’s Cameo: "Oops, the cameraman (me) ‘accidentally’ joined in. Whoops~" 😇

2.) The Member Who Did It Once For attention (Then Deleted Everything) – Nayeon

The Plot: Got scouted at a club, filmed one ultra-high-class solo video ("for art!"), then panicked and burned the hard drive.

Style: Pouty, theatrical moans, arching her back like she’s in a MV.

Secret Shame: Still gets royalties from Japanese collectors.

Kyunghwannie’s Cameo: "I ‘found’ the deleted files. For… research. Plus no japanese collectors. It was my alt accounts"

3.) The Member Who Almost Did It (But Backed Out Last Second) – Tzuyu

The Plot: Some shady "modeling" offer turned out to be very adult. She showed up, saw the setup, and noped out so fast she left a dust cloud.

Style: Would’ve been painfully awkward. Think "deer in headlights" but naked.

Regret Level: Still gets cold sweats thinking about it.

Kyunghwannie’s Cameo: "I may or may not have the test footage. For… science. Nah, Tzuyu lets me edge to it. Consensual"

Hidden Talent: Editing out her own face but leaving his very recognizable tattoo in frame.

4.) The Member Who Technically Already Did (But It’s Buried) – Chaeyoung

The Plot: Still new rookies around early 2017, she filmed some ~artsy~ nude shots. Then someone added… sound effects.

Style: Moody lighting, pretending it’s deep, but really she’s just horny.

Where Is It Now? In a vault. In the basement. Under JYP’s tears.

Kyunghwannie’s Cameo: "I ‘found’ the raw files. They’re… poetic."

======================

Final Verdict:

✨ "Anon, you’re asking this like you don’t already have a folder named ‘TWICE’ in your incognito tabs. Be fr."

SIGNED,

—Kyunghwannie (your friendly neighborhood delulu enabler)

P.S. "And yes, I was the actor/director/cameraman/editor. Muhahah." 😈

[boobabietch]

Chapter II: "A Rookie’s Obsession, A Legend’s Indifference: Is Diana Taurasi ready for Victoria O’Hara?” | Diana Taurasi x OC

Warnings: fight fight fight!! And a tad bit narcissistic Diana

A/N: I’m having a shitload of fun writing this lmao, so here’s another chapter I hope you like. As always English is not my first language so if you find something wrong tell me so I can change it asap, I can’t wait for y’all to read this and the next chapters I’m so excited. Likes, comments (!!!) and reblogs are highly appreciated and my ask box is always open. Love Sof :))

Making headlines masterlist

There’s a funny thing about being the best in women’s sports. People either love you or wait for you to fall. But when you’ve been around long enough, it doesn’t matter what they think. You know your place. And you protect it.

That’s what I’ve been doing since my debut in the WNBA. Owning the court. Owning the pressure. Every game, every season, everyone expects the same thing from me: perfection. Winning is never enough because when your name is Diana Taurasi, nothing is ever enough.

Then, she showed up.

Victoria O’Hara. The rookie everyone wouldn’t shut up about. Reminded me of me, hungry, talented, a little too much attitude for her own good. The first time I saw her was just before our game against San Antonio. I’d heard her name, knew she had something. But there’s a difference between hype and reality.

May 19, 2017

Game day. I could feel her eyes on me during warm-ups, it was cute honestly, I could see the gears working hard on her mind, probably wondering what it’s like to be me, to dominate the way I have. They all wonder. But what she didn’t know yet is that being good in college doesn’t mean shit here. Welcome to the W, kid.

I didn’t give her a second glance. What was there to say? Another rookie trying to prove something. I’ve seen it all. I’ve been that girl. But this one, this woman, had something extra in her. I could see it the minute the game started. Every time she took a shot, it was like she was aiming at me, if I didn’t know she wanted to rip my throat out I’d say she was in love. Every drive, every step, was a challenge.

I could hear the yelling in the crowd, I’d hear her teammates tell her to relax, feel the energy shift. People loved watching us, golden veteran vs. golden rookie. A fucking classic. O’Hara wanted to make a statement. I could tell she was on the edge, burning herself out just to prove she belonged. And every time, I’d remind her, I’ve been there. I’ve fought harder battles. If she wanted to be the next big thing, she was going to have to earn it. She was good, but I wasn’t worried. I’ve dealt with players like her before. They rise fast, burn out faster. But this one... she kept pushing.

Every game we played after that, it was like she had a personal vendetta. I couldn’t walk on the court without feeling her eyes drilling into me. She was obsessed. It was funny, really. This kid was trying so hard to beat me, to make me see her.

I saw her. I always see them coming.

July 7, 2017

We were in San Antonio. Close game. O’Hara played her heart out, I’ll give her that. But we still won. After the game, I found her slumped on the bench, wiped out. I should’ve just left her there. But something in me couldn’t resist. The kid had fire. I respected that.

“Not bad, O’Hara. Keep it up, and you might actually be a challenge someday.”

Her face said it all. She was rattled, but she had that spark. I liked seeing it. She looked at me like she was trying to figure out if I was serious. I was. Kinda. Then, she shot back:

“Someday? I’m already a problem for you.”

I almost laughed. Her confidence was impressive, misplaced, but impressive. I glanced down, smirked. Let her have that moment.

“Of course you are,” I said, walking off.

Sometimes I wonder what things would be like if I never said that, lucky for everyone I did.

July 30, 2017

Maybe I overestimated how in control I am of everything; the game, the rookie, and my body.

We were playing again, tensions running high. It was bound to happen. O’Hara wanted her moment, wanted to prove herself. And me? I wasn’t giving her an inch. Then, somewhere in the third quarter, it happened.

I saw her coming, her eyes locked on me with a mix of defiance and determination. She made a quick drive, cutting to the basket with an intensity that almost made me respect her. But I wasn’t about to let a rookie get one over on me. I slammed into her, blocking her path with enough force to knock her off balance. She hit the floor hard, her elbows scraping against the court. The whistle blew, and for a moment, I watched her lay there, her frustration almost palpable.

“Get up,” I muttered, standing over her. “You’re gonna need more than that to take me down, rook”

I saw the anger in her eyes as she pushed herself up, pressing her chest on mine. Damn, was she this tall the whole time? The way she glared at me, it was almost as if she was daring me to push her further. “You think you’re untouchable? Just fucking wait.”

My smirk didn’t waver. I’d seen that fire in rookies before, puffed up, ready to prove themselves. “I don’t think, O’Hara. I know.” I said with the most arrogant tone I owned.

“Oh you’re just a fucking bitch, aren’t you?” Before I could react further, she shoved me hard. Everyone erupted into chaos. I felt the rush of adrenaline as I moved to shove her back, but the moment I lunged, my teammates were already there, hands gripping my arms and holding me back.

O’Hara wasn’t any better off. Many of her teammates were swarming around her, trying to pull her away from me. I could see the frustration in her eyes as she struggled against their hold, her fists clenched and ready to throw.

Fun fact about fights: when you need the strength of 4 pro basketball players to hold you back, it makes you look really fucking dangerous.

We both tried to break through the human barriers restraining us. I could almost feel the impact of our fists connecting, the unfinished fight burning in my veins. But with every struggle, every strained push against the hands holding us back, the reality set in: we were not going to get to finish this here.

I didn’t care. I didn’t care about the cameras, the refs, or the impending technical. All I cared about was feeling that fire she was throwing at me. I wanted her to know what it felt like to face me, to try and break through the wall I’d built around myself.

Eventually, the refs managed to get us both under control, leading us to opposite sides of the court. As I was pulled away, I couldn’t help but glance back at O’Hara, her eyes still blazing with that same fire. Despite the chaos, a small part of me felt a twisted respect for her, a rookie who was not just willing to challenge me, but was ready to throw down if necessary.

The arena buzzed with excitement and disbelief as we were separated, but the fight between us was far from over.

That was the moment I knew this kid wasn’t going anywhere. And maybe, just maybe, I’d finally met someone who could keep up.

Little did I know.

Fucking Victoria.

"Rivalry Ignites: O’Hara and Taurasi Get into Fiery Altercation During Friday Game"

"San Antonio Stars Victoria O’Hara Adidas Grey and Black Edition Player Jersey | SOLD OUT"

Requests are Open!

Masterlist

[mcrdvcks]

Sweet Dreams - Chapter 1

Series Summary: Alexandria Sokolova spent 15 years with HYDRA, ever since her parents and brother were killed in front of her when she was 3. She was raised to be a soldier; an assassin. But now, faced with coming to Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, she has to come to terms that there are people around her who don't want to hurt her, people who actually care about her.

But recognizing that is harder than it seems, especially with a teacher like Logan Howlett, who seems to care more about her than he lets on.

Just because she's currently safe from HYDRA's grasp now, doesn't mean she's safe forever.

Chapter Summary: The Avengers bring Alexandria to Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.

Word Count: 8.9k+

Pairing: Logan (X-Men) x Original Female Character (platonic relationship)

Notes: and hello! welcome to this series! this is going to be a long one, since there are going to be three parts, this story, another series based around 'logan (2017)' and another based on 'deadpool and wolverine'.

but let's get a few things out of the way. this is NOT a romance with alexandria and logan. this is about them slowly recognizing they are more alike than different, and how they both eventually let their guard down around each other. if you will, it's a 'slow burn' father-daughter relationship.

another thing, alexandria's powers are as followed: dream-weaver; enter and manipulate dreams and telekinesis. you'll understand a bit more as you read on.

another, another thing, this is an au, the characters of jean, scott, kitty, jubilee, and others mentioned are TEENAGERS. they are students in high-school level classes as the X-Mansion, not adults. some of these characters may seem ooc, and if we're being honest it's because i've only watched first class-dark pheonix, the deadpool movies, wolverine origins, and logan. i tried watching the original x-men movies but i ended up falling asleep (oops). so if these characters are written wrong, it's my fault, but we are sticking with the ooc tag.

Series Masterlist → Chapter 2

AO3 Link For Chapter

Alexandria didn’t much care for whatever they were taking her. The Avengers, that is. Being saved from HYDRA did warrant them a ‘thank you’, but after a few days of staying at the Avengers Compound, they decided that it wasn’t a “good fit”.

Meaning a few things: one, they were scared of her, which was unlikely considering her powers weren’t all that terrifying, or two, they simply didn’t want to deal with a 17-year-old girl with trauma dating back 14 years ago.

The only three people who talked to her like a normal person was Wanda, Bucky, and Natasha, which she appreciated greatly.

“Coming up on the school.” Tony’s voice sounded out through the cockpit of the Quinjet.

Alexandria rolled her eyes, this all seemed like too much. She was a kid, just rescued from a terrorist organization and now she was supposed to go to school?

Was this a fucking joke?

Alexandria glared out the window as the Quinjet descended towards the sprawling grounds of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. The idea of school felt absurd after everything she’d been through. She crossed her arms, sinking deeper into her seat, eyes narrowed.

“Hey, I know it’s not ideal, but this place might be good for you,” Natasha said, catching Alexandria’s expression. She leaned over from her seat across the aisle, her voice gentle but firm.

“Yeah, a place full of more people who can do freaky stuff. Great,” Alexandria muttered.

Bucky, seated next to Natasha, turned to her. “It’s not just about powers. You’ll meet people who understand you, maybe even help you find some peace.”

Alexandria snorted, her skepticism apparent. “Peace? That’s rich coming from you.”

Bucky’s face tightened for a moment, but he nodded. “Touché. But it’s worth a shot.”

Tony’s voice came through again. “We’re landing. Let’s not make this harder than it needs to be.”

The Quinjet touched down smoothly, and the ramp lowered. Charles Xavier was waiting, a welcoming smile on his face, his wheelchair positioned at the edge of the landing zone. Beside him stood a younger man, wearing glasses, a flannel shirt, a tie, and a white lab coat.

Alexandria hesitated at the top of the ramp, glancing back at the Avengers. Wanda gave her an encouraging nod, while Natasha and Bucky looked on with reassuring expressions.

“Come on, kid,” Tony said, gesturing for her to follow. “Let’s get this over with.”

With a resigned sigh, Alexandria descended the ramp. Charles rolled forward to meet her, his eyes kind and understanding.

“Welcome, Alexandria,” he said warmly. “I’m Charles Xavier, and this is Hank McCoy. We’re here to help you.”

Hank offered a friendly smile. “Hi there. We’re really glad to have you here.”

Alexandria nodded stiffly, feeling the weight of their expectations. “Thanks, I guess.”

Charles seemed unfazed by her reluctance. “Why don’t we show you around? Hank, could you give Alexandria a tour while I have a word with our friends?”

“Sure thing,” Hank replied. “Come on, Alexandria, I’ll show you the school.”

As they walked away, Alexandria glanced back to see Charles engaging in a serious conversation with the Avengers. She couldn’t hear the words, but the tone suggested they were discussing her future.

“So, this place is like a school for mutants?” Alexandria asked, trying to make sense of it all.

“Exactly,” Hank said. “We offer a safe environment for young mutants to learn and grow. You’ll find a lot of people here who understand what you’ve been through.”

“Doubt it.” she muttered. Part of her didn’t even believe she was a so-called ‘mutant’. What she was however, was an experiment.

Hank chuckled softly as he led Alexandria through the halls of the Xavier Institute. “Well, I can’t promise you that everyone will understand perfectly, but you’re not alone in feeling out of place.”

“Yeah, right,” Alexandria replied, glancing around at the impressive but unfamiliar surroundings. “I’m supposed to just fit in here after everything that’s happened?”

“Everyone here has their own struggles and history,” Hank said. “Some are more recent than others, but we all find a way to make it work.”

They passed by a few classrooms, and Alexandria noticed students engaged in various activities. Some were reading, others were practicing what looked like combat techniques. It was clear this was not a typical school.

“Here’s the gym,” Hank said, opening a door to a large, well-equipped space. “It’s not just for physical training. It’s a place where students can test their abilities and find out what they’re capable of.”

Alexandria’s eyes flicked over the gym, taking in the equipment and the few students who were sparring. “Sounds like a lot of work.”

“Training can be intense, but it’s also important,” Hank said. “And there’s more to this place than just classes. You’ll find people who become like family.”

“Family, huh?” Alexandria muttered. “That’s something I’ve never had.”

Hank looked at her, his expression thoughtful. “You’re not alone here. Many of us have found a sense of family and belonging. It takes time, but it happens.”

They continued the tour, moving to the dormitory area where Alexandria would be staying. Hank showed her the common areas and her room, which was modest but comfortable.

“This is where you’ll be staying,” Hank said, opening the door to a small, neatly arranged room. “It’s not much, but it’s yours.”

Alexandria walked in, setting her bag down on the bed. “Great. Just what I always wanted. A room of my own.”

Hank smiled faintly. “It’s a start. And if you need anything or have questions, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Sure,” Alexandria said, her tone flat. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

As Hank left her to settle in, Alexandria stared out the window, her thoughts racing. The enormity of her situation was starting to sink in. This was supposed to be a new beginning, but it felt more like another form of confinement.

She stared down at the baggy jeans she was currently wearing, something that probably came from deep inside Wanda’s closet.

Alexandria wasn’t much for talking, nor did she know what to do. Usually, she was only let out of her cell for lab-time, which lasted the entire day, before being thrown back into her cell.

She sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the small, framed picture of the school grounds that hung on the wall. The room, though modest, was far from the sterile, cold environment she’d been accustomed to. But that didn’t make it feel any less isolating. The quiet was oppressive, and she found herself fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, a nervous habit she’d developed over the years.

A knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts. She stood up quickly, her pulse quickening. It was probably someone from the staff, here to check on her or give her some new set of instructions.

“Hey,” a voice called through the door. “It’s me, Kitty. Mind if I come in?”

Alexandria hesitated for a moment before opening the door. A girl about her age stood there, wearing a casual hoodie and jeans. Her brown hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, and her eyes were a warm brown, filled with curiosity.

“Hi,” Kitty said with a friendly smile. “Charles sent me to see if you needed anything. I’m one of the students here.”

“Uh, sure,” Alexandria said, stepping aside to let her in. “I didn’t know anyone was coming by.”

Kitty stepped into the room, looking around with a mixture of interest and sympathy. “I know it’s probably a lot to take in right now. I remember my first few days here weren’t exactly easy.”

Alexandria sat back down on her bed, feeling a bit self-conscious. “It’s... different. I’ve never been to a place like this before.”

Kitty nodded, taking a seat on the small desk chair. “Yeah, it’s a lot to get used to. But it’s a good place. People here care about each other. I know it might not feel that way right now, but it does get better.”

“Do you really think so?” Alexandria asked, her skepticism evident.

“Absolutely,” Kitty replied earnestly. “I know it sounds cliché, but this place is like a family for a lot of us. You might not feel it yet, but you’re not alone.”

Alexandria shrugged, not entirely convinced. “I guess we’ll see.”

Kitty tilted her head, studying Alexandria for a moment. “You’ve probably been through a lot, right? With HYDRA and all that?”

“More than you could imagine,” Alexandria muttered. She hadn’t talked much about her past, even to the Avengers. It was easier to keep it all inside, where it couldn’t hurt anyone else.

Kitty’s expression softened. “If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Sometimes it helps to get things off your chest.”

“Thanks,” Alexandria said, though her tone suggested she wasn’t ready to take her up on the offer just yet.

Kitty stood up, giving her a reassuring smile. “Well, I won’t keep you. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay and see if you needed anything. If you do, just let me or any of the staff know.”

“Alright,” Alexandria said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Kitty nodded and made her way to the door. “See you around, Alexandria.”

As Kitty left, Alexandria sat back down on her bed, feeling the quiet settle around her again. The small bit of interaction had been a welcome distraction, but it also left her feeling more alone than before. She wasn’t used to people reaching out, and it made her wary.

And because she was wary, she spent the rest of the day in her room trying to figure out what the object on her desk was. It looked almost like a small, compact box, with many wires connecting to it.

After hours of trying to understand, night fell, and she needed a break. Alexandria grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter before walking through the empty halls.

Finally, Alexandria stepped through a side door and found herself in a large, open field surrounded by trees. The night air was cool, and the quiet was a welcome contrast to the clamor of her thoughts. She lit her cigarette, the tip glowing softly in the darkness, and took a long drag. The smoke curled around her, blending with the shadows.

She leaned against the door frame, looking out at the expanse of grass and trees. The quiet of the night felt different here, less oppressive than the silence of her room. Maybe it was the openness, or maybe it was the fact that she was alone, and for the moment, she didn't have to pretend to be okay.

"Smoking's bad for you, you know," a gruff voice said from behind her.

Alexandria tensed, turning to see Logan standing there, someone Hank had mentioned to her, his arms crossed over his chest. His expression was hard to read, but his eyes held a hint of curiosity.

She took another drag from her cigarette, exhaling slowly. "So I've heard."

Logan stepped closer, his gaze fixed on her. "You planning to make this a habit, or just tonight?"

"Does it matter?" she replied, her tone defensive.

"Maybe not to you," Logan said, "but to the people around here, it does. They care about what happens to you."

Alexandria let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, right. I'm just another problem for them to solve."

"You're not a problem," Logan said, his voice firm. "You're a kid who's been through hell and needs a chance to find herself again."

“Find myself?” she scoffed. “There’s nothing to find.” Alexandria turned to face Logan, who lit a cigar, much bigger than her cigarette. She scoffed again. “You’re one to talk.”

Logan took a long drag from his cigar, the end flaring bright in the dark. “I’m not here to lecture you, bub. Just saying it like it is.”

Alexandria rolled her eyes, taking another drag from her cigarette. “Yeah, well, I don’t need your advice.”

Logan’s gaze was steady, unyielding. “You might not want it, but you sure as hell need it.”

“Why do you even care?” she snapped. “You don’t know me.”

Logan exhaled a plume of smoke, his eyes never leaving hers. “No, I don’t. But I’ve seen enough kids like you to know when someone’s hurting. And I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to go through it alone.”

She rolled her eyes, dropping her cigarette and stomping out the light. “I’d much rather be alone.”

Logan watched as Alexandria stomped out her cigarette, the ember disappearing into the grass. The silence that followed was heavy, and he could see the tension in her posture. He took another drag from his cigar, letting the smoke curl around him before letting it out in a slow stream.

"You think pushing people away is gonna make things better?" Logan asked, his voice rough but not unkind.

Alexandria didn’t respond immediately, her gaze fixed on the dark field ahead. “It’s easier this way. Less chance of someone screwing things up.”

“Yeah, 'cause being alone always solves everything,” Logan replied sarcastically. “Look, I get it. You’re used to keeping people at arm’s length. But if you keep shutting everyone out, you’re never gonna get what you need.”

“What I need is to be left alone,” Alexandria snapped. “I’ve survived this long on my own. I don’t need a bunch of strangers telling me what to do.”

Logan took a few steps closer, the crunch of his boots on the gravel breaking the silence. “And how’s that working out for you? You ever stop to think that maybe you’re just scared to let anyone in?”

Alexandria shot him a sharp look. “I’m not scared. I’m practical. I know what happens when you let people get close.”

“And what’s that?” Logan asked, his voice low and steady.

“They get hurt,” Alexandria said flatly. “Or worse, they end up hurting you.”

Logan shook his head. “You’re making it sound like everyone’s out to get you. That’s not true. Some people actually want to help, but they can’t do it if you keep pushing them away.”

“Everyone is out to get me. I let someone in before and it didn’t end so well for them.” She shook her head gently, removing the graphic, bloody images from her head.

The anger and pain inside her were like a storm, churning and relentless. She didn’t know how to let anyone in, how to trust after everything she’d been through. HYDRA had stripped her of that ability, leaving her with nothing but suspicion and fear.

Logan sighed, taking another drag from his cigar. “Look, kid, I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy. Hell, it’s probably gonna be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But you’ve got a chance here, a real shot at something better. Don’t throw it away because you’re scared.”

Alexandria glanced at him, her expression softening ever so slightly. There was something in Logan’s eyes, a flicker of understanding that made her want to believe him. But the walls she’d built were high and thick, and she wasn’t sure she could tear them down.

“I’ll think about it,” she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

Logan nodded, his gaze steady. “That’s all I’m asking. Just give it a shot.”

With that, he turned and walked back toward the mansion, leaving Alexandria alone with her thoughts. She watched him go, feeling a strange mix of frustration and hope. Maybe, just maybe, there was a way out of the darkness that had consumed her life for so long. But it would take more than a few words from a gruff stranger to convince her.

She stayed outside for a while longer, the cool night air helping to clear her mind. When she finally went back inside, the mansion was quiet, most of the residents already asleep. She made her way to her room, the events of the day playing over and over in her mind.

As she lay in bed, she thought about what Logan had said. She wasn’t ready to trust, not yet. But maybe, in time, she could find a way to let someone in. For now, she would take it one day at a time, trying to navigate this new world she’d been thrust into.

---

The following morning, Alexandria awoke to a soft knock on her door. She groggily sat up, rubbing her eyes as the door opened slightly, and Kitty peeked her head in.

“Hey, sorry to wake you,” Kitty said with an apologetic smile. “But I thought you might want some breakfast. We have a pretty good spread in the dining hall.”

Alexandria stretched and nodded, still not fully awake. “Yeah, sure. Thanks, Kitty.”

“No problem,” Kitty replied. “I’ll wait for you outside.”

After quickly changing into some clothes that fit her better, Alexandria joined Kitty in the hallway. The two girls walked to the dining hall together, the atmosphere between them more relaxed than it had been the previous day.

“So, how was your first night?” Kitty asked as they walked.

Alexandria shrugged. “It was okay, I guess. A lot to take in.”

Kitty nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I get that. But trust me, it gets better. The people here are really great once you get to know them.”

When they reached the dining hall, Alexandria was surprised to see how lively it was. Students were chatting, laughing, and eating together, the room filled with a sense of camaraderie and belonging. It was a stark contrast to the isolation she’d known for so long.

As they grabbed their food and sat down, Alexandria couldn’t help but feel a bit out of place. But Kitty was friendly and patient, introducing her to some of the other students and helping her feel more at ease.

Alexandria looked at the food on her tray. Some of it was colorful, in fact, it all was. There were red triangular objects on her tray with a green leafy top, a fluffy golden-brown circle, and a small cup of amber liquid.

Alexandria stared at the food on her tray, her brow furrowed in confusion. She poked at the red triangular object with a fork, then glanced over at Kitty, who was already digging into her own breakfast.

“What’s this?” Alexandria asked, holding up the fork with the red object speared on the end.

Kitty looked over and grinned. “That’s a strawberry. Haven’t you had one before?”

Alexandria shook her head, eyeing the strawberry warily. “Not that I remember.”

Kitty’s expression softened. “You should try it. They’re pretty good.”

With some hesitation, Alexandria took a small bite of the strawberry. The sweet and slightly tangy taste was foreign to her, but not unpleasant. She nodded slowly, chewing thoughtfully. “It’s... different.”

Kitty laughed. “Yeah, in a good way, though. That round thing is a pancake, and the syrup is for pouring on top. Trust me, breakfast here is usually a highlight.”

Alexandria mimicked Kitty’s actions, pouring a small amount of syrup onto the pancake and taking a cautious bite. The flavors were rich and comforting, and she found herself enjoying it more than she expected.

As they ate, the din of the dining hall continued around them. Alexandria noticed how the other students seemed at ease, joking around and chatting as if they didn’t have a care in the world. It was strange to see so many people with powers like hers acting so... normal.

“So, what’s on the agenda today?” Alexandria asked, trying to sound casual but feeling a bit lost.

“Well,” Kitty began, “after breakfast, there’s usually some training sessions. You’ll probably have an orientation with Professor Xavier and maybe some one-on-one time with one of the teachers to figure out where you’re at with your abilities.”

Alexandria nodded, pushing her half-finished pancake around on her plate. “Sounds like fun,” she muttered sarcastically.

Kitty smiled sympathetically. “It might not be as bad as you think. Plus, it’s good to know what you can do. There are some pretty cool things you could learn here.”

Alexandria took a sip of her juice, trying to ignore the bustling energy of the room. “Yeah, well, we'll see.”

Kitty looked around at the other students who were beginning to head off for their various activities. “Hey, you want me to show you around a bit more before the orientation starts? I can give you the rundown on some of the places you might want to know about.”

Alexandria shrugged, finishing off her pancake. “Sure, why not. Couldn’t hurt to know what I’m dealing with.”

Kitty led her out of the dining hall, guiding her through the maze of corridors. “So, that’s the library over there. It’s got a lot of books on pretty much everything—powers, history, science. It’s a good place to catch up on some reading.”

Alexandria glanced over. “Got it. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“And over here is the common room,” Kitty continued. “It’s where everyone hangs out, watches TV, plays games. It’s pretty chill.”

Alexandria raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like a place I’ll avoid.”

Kitty laughed softly. “Fair enough. Oh, and there’s a small gym off to the side. It’s not as big as the main one, but it’s good for some light workouts.”

As they walked, Alexandria’s gaze drifted to the various students passing by, their casual conversations and easy smiles making her feel like an outsider. She didn’t belong here, and she wasn’t sure if she ever would.

“So, how do you get on with the teachers?” Alexandria asked, trying to shift the focus of the conversation away from her discomfort.

Kitty’s expression turned thoughtful. “They’re pretty great, actually. Professor Xavier is really understanding, and Hank is super smart. There are a few others who are great too, but it depends on what you need.”

“Yeah? And what about Logan?” Alexandria asked, her tone a little sharper than she intended.

Kitty hesitated before answering. “Logan’s... Logan. He’s got his own way of doing things, but he means well. You’ll get used to him.”

“I met him the other night,” Alexandria said, her voice dropping to a murmur. “He didn’t seem all that interested in being nice.”

Kitty nodded. “That’s kind of his style. He’s not exactly a touchy-feely kind of guy, but he’s got a good heart. If you ever need anything, though, he might surprise you.”

“Yeah, I’m not holding my breath,” Alexandria muttered, more to herself than to Kitty.

Kitty gave her a sympathetic look. “Just keep an open mind. Things might not seem great now, but you might find some unexpected allies.”

As they reached the main area of the mansion where students gathered before heading to their various activities, Kitty turned to Alexandria. “I think we’ve covered the basics. How about we head to the training room? That’s where you’ll be meeting with Professor Xavier.”

Alexandria nodded, her mood lifting slightly at the prospect of getting some structure to her day. “Alright, lead the way.”

Kitty guided her through a series of hallways until they arrived at the training room. The door was slightly ajar, and the sounds of conversation and movement filtered through.

“Here we are,” Kitty said. “I’ll leave you to it. Good luck, Alexandria.”

“Thanks, Kitty,” Alexandria replied, watching as Kitty walked away. She took a deep breath and pushed open the door, stepping into the room.

Inside, Professor Xavier was waiting, his wheelchair positioned near a set of training equipment. He looked up as Alexandria entered, his expression warm and welcoming.

“Good morning, Alexandria,” he said. “I trust you’re settling in?”

Alexandria nodded, though she didn’t quite meet his gaze. “Yeah, I guess. Kitty gave me a quick tour.”

“That’s good to hear,” Professor Xavier said. “Today, I’d like to start with an assessment of your abilities. It’ll help us understand what you can do and how we can best support you.”

Alexandria braced herself, feeling a mix of nerves and irritation. “Alright. What do you need me to do?”

Professor Xavier gestured to an open area of the room. “Why don’t we start with a demonstration of your powers? If you’re comfortable, show me what you can do with dream-weaving and telekinesis.”

Alexandria took a deep breath and moved to the center of the room. She closed her eyes, focusing on her ability to manipulate dreams. She’d rarely demonstrated her powers to anyone outside of HYDRA, and the idea of doing it now made her uneasy.

She visualized a simple scenario- a peaceful meadow with gentle breezes and blooming flowers. The air around her seemed to shimmer slightly as the dreamscape began to take shape. When she opened her eyes, she saw that a small, serene meadow had appeared in the room, though it was more a projection than a physical space.

“Impressive,” Professor Xavier said, observing the scene with interest. “And what about telekinesis?”

Alexandria moved her hand slightly, and a nearby object- a small training ball- levitated off the ground, spinning slowly in the air, covered in her blue telekinetic hue. She held it there for a few moments before setting it back down.

“That’s very good,” Professor Xavier said. “You’ve got a strong control over your abilities. We’ll work on refining them and exploring how they can be used in various situations.”

Alexandria crossed her arms, still feeling the unease bubbling beneath the surface. “And what happens if I don’t want to use them?”

Professor Xavier’s expression remained calm, but there was a hint of concern in his eyes. “That’s entirely up to you. Our goal here isn’t to force you into anything, Alexandria. We’re here to help you understand your powers and give you the tools to decide how you want to use them, or not use them.”

She hesitated, her gaze drifting to the floor. “Yeah, well, understanding them didn’t really work out for me before.”

“Your experiences were under very different circumstances,” Professor Xavier said gently. “But you’re safe here, and you have the freedom to choose your path. No one here will push you into anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Alexandria looked up, meeting his gaze for a moment. There was sincerity in his words, and for the first time since she’d arrived, she felt a tiny spark of hope that maybe—just maybe—things could be different here.

“Alright,” she finally said, her voice a little softer. “What’s next?”

“We’ll take it one step at a time,” Professor Xavier said, his tone reassuring. “For now, I’d like you to get familiar with the training room and the equipment. You’ll be working with some of the other students, but if you ever need time alone, just let me or any of the teachers know.”

He led the way in his wheelchair to a different section of the training room, eerily familiar to the setup the Avengers had.

But she doesn’t like training rooms. Too many needles, wires, and electrodes attached to her and called ‘training’. It wasn’t training, it was torture. Studying her brainwaves, her movements, how her powers worked, it made her hate training.

While she’s partially sure there was none of that here, she still had to ask. Alexandria wrangled her hands before keeping them at her side, trying to seem normal and not at all disturbed. “There’s not… any- you know, electrodes or anything, is there?” she asked quietly.

Charles looked up at her, a hint of sadness in his eyes. It was the softest he had heard Alexandria’s voice since she arrived and the closest he had seen her act like her age. For a moment, he hesitated, weighing his words carefully.

“No, Alexandria,” he said gently, his tone reassuring. “There are no electrodes or anything of that sort here. This is a safe place for you to explore your abilities at your own pace. The only equipment you’ll use is designed to help you understand and control your powers better—nothing invasive, I promise.”

Alexandria nodded slowly, though the tension in her shoulders remained. “Okay,” she murmured, glancing around the room again. It was a lot to take in, but at least she wasn’t going to be hooked up to any machines. That was a relief.

Professor Xavier offered her a small, encouraging smile. “Would you like to try out some of the equipment now, or would you prefer to take a break and come back later?”

She hesitated, unsure of what she wanted. Part of her wanted to get it over with, to face whatever challenges were ahead, but another part of her just wanted to be alone, away from everything and everyone.

“I guess… I could try something small,” Alexandria finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Just to see what it’s like.”

“Of course,” Professor Xavier replied, nodding approvingly. “Why don’t we start with something simple? We have a training dummy over there,” he gestured to a humanoid figure across the room, “that’s designed to react to telekinetic force. You can try moving it, just to get a feel for your abilities in a controlled environment.”

Alexandria followed his gaze to the dummy, her expression unreadable. She wasn’t sure how she felt about this whole thing, but she figured it was better than sitting around doing nothing. At least it was a distraction.

She approached the dummy slowly, her steps hesitant. When she was close enough, she raised her hand and focused on the dummy, trying to summon the telekinetic energy within her. For a moment, nothing happened, and she felt a flicker of frustration.

Then, with a deep breath, she tried again. This time, a faint blue aura surrounded the dummy, and it lifted off the ground slightly, wobbling in the air.

“Good,” Professor Xavier encouraged from behind her. “Take your time, there’s no rush.”

Alexandria’s brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to maintain control over the dummy. It wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be, and she could feel her frustration growing. The dummy began to wobble more, and she clenched her fists, willing it to stay steady.

But her frustration got the better of her, and the dummy suddenly shot across the room, slamming into the wall with a loud crash. Alexandria flinched, her hands dropping to her sides as she took a step back, her heart pounding.

“Sorry,” she muttered, feeling a mix of anger and embarrassment.

“There’s no need to apologize,” Professor Xavier said calmly. “You’re doing well, Alexandria. It’s natural to have moments of frustration, especially when you’re trying something new. The important thing is that you’re trying.”

Alexandria didn’t respond, her gaze fixed on the floor. She hated feeling out of control, hated how her emotions seemed to dictate everything. It was a reminder of all the times she’d lost control in the past, with disastrous results.

Professor Xavier wheeled closer to her, his expression thoughtful. “Would you like to take a break? We can continue this later if you’re feeling overwhelmed.”

She shook her head, a stubborn look crossing her face. “No, I’m fine. I just… need a minute.”

“Take all the time you need,” Professor Xavier said softly. “There’s no pressure here, Alexandria. We’re here to help you, not to push you.”

Alexandria took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions inside her. She knew she couldn’t keep avoiding her powers forever, and maybe this was the best place to start figuring things out. But it was hard, harder than she’d expected.

“Okay,” she said after a moment, her voice steadier. “I’ll try again.”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Professor Xavier encouraged.

She took another deep breath and focused on the dummy again. This time, she tried to keep her emotions in check, to approach it with a calmer mindset. The blue aura returned, and the dummy lifted off the ground once more. It wobbled slightly, but this time she was able to keep it steady, holding it in the air for a few moments before gently lowering it back to the ground.

“Good job, Alexandria,” Professor Xavier said, a note of pride in his voice. “You’re making progress.”

She nodded, a small sense of accomplishment filling her. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Maybe, just maybe, she could get a handle on her powers after all.

“That should be good for today. I can have Kitty introduce you to some of the other students if you would like?” Charles asked.

Alexandria considered Professor Xavier’s suggestion, her mind still buzzing from the training session. Interacting with other students wasn’t high on her list of priorities, but she knew that isolating herself wasn’t going to help her in the long run. Still, the thought of making small talk or having to deal with people who would undoubtedly be curious about her past made her uneasy.

“I guess,” she said after a moment, shrugging. “It’s not like I have anything else to do.”

“Very well,” Professor Xavier replied with a nod. “I’ll have Kitty meet you outside the training room. She can introduce you to some of the others.”

Alexandria didn’t say anything, just nodded back, trying to suppress the anxiety that was bubbling up inside her. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but she figured she might as well get it over with.

“Before you go,” Professor Xavier added, his tone gentle but firm, “remember that you’re not alone here. It might feel overwhelming now, but you’ll find your place in time. Be patient with yourself.”

“Yeah,” Alexandria muttered, not entirely convinced but not wanting to argue either. “I’ll try.”

She turned and headed for the door, her footsteps echoing in the quiet training room. When she stepped outside, she found Kitty waiting for her, leaning against the wall with a friendly smile.

“Hey,” Kitty greeted, straightening up. “How’d it go?”

Alexandria shrugged. “It was fine, I guess. Just trying to figure things out.”

“That’s normal,” Kitty said, her voice light. “It takes time, but you’ll get there. Anyway, ready to meet some of the others?”

“I suppose,” Alexandria replied, her tone noncommittal. She wasn’t exactly looking forward to it, but she knew it was inevitable.

Kitty led her down the hallway, the sound of their footsteps the only noise between them for a moment. Alexandria could sense Kitty glancing at her occasionally, probably trying to gauge how she was feeling. She appreciated the effort, even if she wasn’t in the mood to talk about it.

“So,” Kitty began, breaking the silence, “I was thinking we could start with the common room. A lot of the students hang out there between classes and training sessions. It’s pretty laid-back.”

“Alright,” Alexandria said, keeping her responses short. She wasn’t trying to be rude, but she wasn’t sure how to engage in light conversation, especially with someone she barely knew.

When they reached the common room, Alexandria was struck by how relaxed everyone seemed. Students were scattered around the space, some playing video games, others watching TV, and a few just talking or reading.

“Over there’s Bobby,” Kitty said, nodding toward a guy who was absorbed in a video game. “He’s pretty chill, likes to freeze things.”

“Freeze things?” Alexandria asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, he’s got ice powers. Cool, right?” Kitty said with a grin.

“Sure,” Alexandria replied, trying to muster some enthusiasm but mostly feeling out of place.

“And that’s Jubilee,” Kitty continued, pointing out a girl with bright yellow sunglasses who was chatting animatedly with a couple of other students. “She’s a blast—literally. She can generate fireworks.”

“Fireworks,” Alexandria repeated, her tone flat. It sounded more like a party trick than a power, but she kept that thought to herself.

Kitty seemed to sense her unease and gave her a reassuring smile. “They’re all good people. It might take some time, but you’ll get to know them. And they’ll get to know you.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Alexandria muttered, not entirely convinced.

As they walked further into the room, a familiar figure caught Alexandria’s eye. Logan was sitting in a corner, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face as he watched the room with a look of vague irritation. He hadn’t noticed her yet, and Alexandria wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“Logan’s over there,” Kitty said, following her gaze. “You two met, right?”

“Yeah,” Alexandria replied, her voice tight. “Briefly.”

Kitty hesitated, picking up on the tension in Alexandria’s tone. “He’s a bit rough around the edges, but he’s one of the best. He’s been through a lot, like you.”

Alexandria’s jaw tightened. She didn’t need anyone comparing her to Logan or anyone else. “I’m sure he’s great,” she said, her tone clipped.

Kitty glanced at her but didn’t push the subject. Instead, she gestured to a group of students who were chatting near the windows. “Those are some of the newer students. Might be easier to talk to them since they’re still figuring things out too.”

Alexandria looked over at the group, noticing how at ease they seemed with each other. She couldn’t help but feel a pang of envy. She hadn’t felt that kind of comfort around others in a long time, maybe ever.

“Maybe later,” she said, not ready to dive into socializing just yet.

Kitty nodded, understanding. “No rush. You can take your time.”

Alexandria looked over at the TV, a movie playing as a bunch of the students sat around the couch and the floors entranced by it.

“Oh, Scott likes to watch Star Wars, most of the time a lot of us end up joining in.” Kitty explained.

“What’s… Star Wars?” Alexandria asked slowly.

“It’s a movie- or well, a bunch of different movies and shows. It’s a franchise.”

Alexandria tilted her head at the large TV screen, currently a girl in an all-white dress kissed a dirty-blonde boy’s cheek before he swung them across some sort of room.

It was intriguing, or maybe that’s just because she’s never seen a movie.

Kitty noticed Alexandria’s gaze fixed on the TV screen, her curiosity evident. She gave her a gentle nudge, breaking the silence. “We can stay and watch it if you’d like. I’m sure Scott won’t mind. He’s a big geek about this stuff.”

Alexandria hesitated, glancing back at Kitty with a mixture of uncertainty and intrigue. “I’ve never really watched movies before.”

Kitty’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. “Never? Well, this is a good place to start. Star Wars is pretty iconic, and it’s one of those things that a lot of people here are into.”

Alexandria looked back at the screen, where a space battle was unfolding amidst flashing lights and dramatic music. The idea of sitting down and watching a movie felt foreign, but also oddly appealing. “Alright,” she said finally. “I guess I can give it a try.”

Kitty smiled, leading her over to the group around the TV. Scott, a tall guy with a pair of glasses perched on his nose, glanced up from the screen as they approached. “Hey, Kitty! And, um, Alexandria, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Alexandria replied, trying to sound more relaxed than she felt.

“Great to meet you properly,” Scott said with a friendly smile. “We’re just getting into one of the best parts. You’re welcome to join us.”

Alexandria nodded, taking a seat on the couch. The other students, already absorbed in the movie, barely glanced up, which was fine by her. She sank into the cushion, trying to focus on the action-packed scenes.

Kitty settled beside her, giving a small wave to Scott and the others. “I told her you’d be okay with us joining in.”

Scott nodded, adjusting his glasses as he turned back to the screen. “No problem at all. It’s always good to have more people to discuss the movie with. We’re in the middle of the epic lightsaber duel. It’s one of my favorite parts.”

As the movie progressed, Alexandria found herself drawn into the story. The special effects were unlike anything she had ever seen, and the characters seemed to be larger than life. She didn’t fully understand all the details yet, but there was something captivating about the narrative and the way the students reacted to it.

Kitty leaned over and whispered, “So, what do you think so far?”

“It’s… different,” Alexandria admitted, her eyes still fixed on the screen. “I can see why people like it.”

Kitty grinned. “Yeah, it’s pretty immersive. And there’s a whole series of these movies, plus spin-offs and shows. It’s a bit of a rabbit hole.”

Alexandria raised an eyebrow. “How many movies are there?”

“Quite a few,” Kitty said with a chuckle. “But you don’t have to watch them all at once. We can always catch up on more later if you’re interested.”

“Hold on, Kitty.” Scott said, “there’s a certain way it should be watched. Some will say release date order, some will say chronologically, but I say no to both. It should be Episode 4, 5, then 1, 2, 3, then 6.”

Alexandria’s eyes widened, “there’s… that many?”

“Well, technically more than that, but those are the ones that really count,” Scott said, his enthusiasm evident.

Alexandria leaned back on the couch, her eyes still glued to the screen. “I didn’t realize there was so much to it,” she said, her tone carrying a hint of amazement.

Kitty smiled. “Yeah, it can be a bit overwhelming at first, but it’s all part of the fun. You get to dive into this whole new universe.”

“You know what that means, right guys?” Scott asked.

A girl, sitting on the floor in front of Scott looked up at him, “Scott…” she gritted out, almost teasingly.

“Star Wars marathon!” Scott exclaimed.

Kitty leaned in to Alexandria as some of the kids groaned and others were amused. “That girl is Jean.” She gestured to the girl sitting in front of Scott, who was now rolling her eyes.

“Jean, huh?” Alexandria said, watching as Jean settled back into her spot on the floor, a bemused expression on her face.

“Yeah, she’s got some pretty impressive telepathic abilities,” Kitty said. “She’s one of the more powerful telepaths around here. But she’s cool.”

Alexandria raised an eyebrow, intrigued despite herself. She thought back to the cubed shaped thing on her desk, if Scott knew all about movies, then maybe he knew about… whatever that was.

“Um, Scott? What’s that thing on the desk? The… cubed thing?” Alexandria asked.

“That’s a computer.” He answered, shoveling popcorn into his mouth. “Do you know how to use it?”

She shook her head no.

Scott’s eyes widened in surprise. “You don’t know how to use a computer?” He looked at her with a mix of curiosity and concern. “It’s pretty basic. You can do a lot of things with it—surf the web, write documents, watch videos. But it takes some getting used to.”

Alexandria shrugged. “I’ve never seen one. What’s so special about it?”

Scott tilted his head, clearly intrigued by Alexandria’s unfamiliarity with something so commonplace. “Well, it’s one of those tools that make life a lot easier. It’s like a window to the world. You can find almost anything you need on the internet.”

Kitty, sensing that Alexandria was feeling out of her element, chimed in. “If you want, we can have a quick tutorial later. It’s not that hard once you get the hang of it.”

Alexandria looked at the computer again, her curiosity piqued. “Maybe. For now, I guess I’ll just stick to figuring out this Star Wars thing.”

Scott grinned, clearly happy to have a new project. “We can definitely work on that. Maybe after the movie, we can set up a session to show you the basics.”

“Sure,” Alexandria said, her tone more engaged than before. “I’m willing to give it a try.”

---

After the group finished the movie, which was after Scott rewound it to the beginning for Alexandria, him and Kitty taught her how to use the computer before they had to go to class.

As she browsed the web, some term Scott used, she realized it was late at night, around 11 o’clock. She took a quick shower and got into what Jean called pajamas, before getting into bed.

Sleep couldn’t claim her. The problem with her powers was that she could see people’s dreams, which was fine when she was with HYDRA, since she was either far away from other people, or they put her in her specialized cell.

Once the clock hit 2:48, Alexandria got out of bed and grabbed a cigarette and her lighter from her bag before heading up to the roof.

Last night, Logan was smoking by the side door, but tonight, and possibly all other nights in the future, the roof seemed like a better, more quiet place.

Alexandria stepped out onto the roof, the cool night air greeting her with a briskness that made her shiver. She leaned against the railing, the city lights twinkling far below. She flicked the lighter, the tiny flame illuminating her face for a moment before she took a drag.

As she exhaled, the smoke curling into the night, she heard the faintest sound of movement behind her. It wasn’t unexpected; she had a feeling she wasn’t the only one who sought the quiet solitude of the rooftop at odd hours.

After a few minutes of peace, the door at the ground floor opened up, with Logan stepping outside and smoking his own cigar. She was glad she wasn’t down there; she had enough human interaction to last a lifetime.

As she looked up at the sky, she realized quickly that she’d never seen stars before. Which was out of the ordinary, or weird, considering most people connect nighttime and dreams with the stars.

Out here, where there were almost no other signs of civilization, the stars seemed to shine brighter than she thought possible.

Alexandria decided to sit on the ledge of the building, her legs dangling and swinging, hitting the brick’s gently as she continued to look up at the night sky, her cigarette forgotten in her hand.

Down on the ground, Logan was finishing his own cigar. He had come out to the side door for some fresh air, his usual gruff demeanor on full display as he paced, taking long, deliberate drags from his cigar. The rooftop wasn’t the only place in the mansion that offered solitude, but Logan found the chill of the night air soothing.

As he neared the side of the building, Logan noticed a faint sound of movement from above. He squinted up, barely making out Alexandria’s figure silhouetted against the night sky. He grunted and took another drag, deciding to keep to his own space rather than investigate further.

Alexandria’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, the stars above providing a stark contrast to the chaos she had known. For a moment, she felt disconnected from her past, as if the night sky was a canvas offering a new beginning. She let the cigarette fall from her fingers, the small ember disappearing into the night air.

Suddenly, a light shone up from below, catching her attention. It was Logan’s cigar, glowing brightly as he took another drag. She couldn’t make out his face from this distance, but his presence was unmistakable. Alexandria’s instincts told her to retreat, to avoid any unnecessary interaction.

But Logan, in his usual fashion, wasn’t one to ignore an anomaly. He looked up again, his gaze searching for the source of the disturbance. The flicker of the cigarette's ember had caught his attention. He grunted softly, debating whether to climb the stairs or simply ignore it.

Eventually, his curiosity got the better of him. With a resigned sigh, Logan made his way to the rooftop access and began his ascent. As he approached, he could see Alexandria more clearly now- perched on the edge, seemingly lost in thought.

Logan didn’t bother with pleasantries. “Couldn’t sleep?” he called up to her, his voice carrying over the distance between them.

Alexandria looked down, her face expressionless. “Not really. Just needed some air.”

Logan grunted in acknowledgment. He walked over to the edge of the roof, leaning against the railing as he surveyed the view. “You got a problem with the stars or something?”

Alexandria shrugged. “No. Just never really seen them before.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, glancing over at her. “You mean to tell me you’ve never been outside much?”

Alexandria gave a short, bitter laugh. “Not until recently, no.”

Logan grunted, not quite sure how to respond to that. He wasn’t good with feelings, especially other people’s. He settled for taking another drag from his cigar, letting the silence hang between them for a moment.

"Not exactly the kind of thing you'd expect to hear around here," he finally said, more to himself than to her. “You’ve been through the wringer, huh?”

Alexandria nodded, her gaze still fixed on the stars. “You could say that.”

Logan watched her for a moment, trying to gauge what kind of person she was. She was tough, that much was obvious, but there was something else there too—something that reminded him a little too much of himself. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

He decided to keep it simple. “You’ll figure it out,” he said, his tone gruff but not unkind. “This place isn’t perfect, but it’s better than the alternatives.”

“Is it?” Alexandria asked, her voice carrying a hint of skepticism. “Or is it just another place with its own set of problems?”

Logan smirked, appreciating her bluntness. “Depends on how you look at it. Everyone’s got their own demons. But here, you might actually have a shot at dealing with ‘em.”

Alexandria shifted her gaze from the stars to Logan. “And what about you? What are you dealing with?”

Logan wasn’t one to open up about his past, especially not to someone he barely knew. But there was something about the way she asked the question—direct, no-nonsense—that made him consider it, if only for a second.

“Nothing you need to worry about,” he said, deflecting. “Just focus on yourself for now.”

She didn’t press further, sensing that he wasn’t the type to share more than he wanted to. Instead, she nodded, accepting his answer without any more questions.

They stood in silence for a while, the night air cool against their skin. Logan was content with the quiet, but he could tell Alexandria was still restless.

“Why do you stay here?” Alexandria asked, breaking the silence but keeping her gaze on the stars.

Logan took a deep drag from his cigar, exhaling slowly as he considered her question. “It’s as good a place as any,” he replied, his tone neutral. “Better than most, actually. Got people here who understand.”

“Understand what?” she pressed, turning her eyes to him, searching for something in his expression.

Logan met her gaze, his own hard and unreadable. “What it’s like to have a past that doesn’t let go,” he said simply. “This place gives you a chance to move forward, if you let it.”

Alexandria snorted softly, a hint of bitterness in the sound. “Sounds like you’re trying to sell me something.”

Logan shrugged, unbothered by her cynicism. “Not selling anything. Just telling it like it is.”

She looked back at the sky, her fingers drumming lightly against the brick. “I’ve been around people who claimed they could help before. Never turned out well.”

“Yeah, well,” Logan said, flicking ash from his cigar, “this place isn’t perfect. But it’s different. Nobody here’s gonna bullshit you. And you’ll have to pull your own weight.”

Alexandria’s lips twitched in what could almost be mistaken for a smile, but there was no humor in it. “Pull my own weight. That I can do.”

“I’m sure,” Logan replied, his tone dry.

They lapsed back into silence, but it was less uncomfortable this time, as if they’d reached some sort of understanding. Alexandria leaned back on her hands, still sitting on the edge of the building, letting the night breeze cool her skin.

Logan finished his cigar and glanced over at her, noticing the way she seemed to relax, even if just a little. “You planning on sitting out here all night?” he asked, his voice carrying a hint of amusement.

“Maybe,” Alexandria answered, noncommittal. “Why? You worried about me?”

Logan’s smirk was barely visible in the dim light. “Not my style to worry about anyone.”

“Good,” she replied, her tone matching his. “I don’t need anyone worrying about me.”

“Figured as much,” Logan said, pushing himself off the railing. “Just remember, you don’t have to do everything alone here. But you do have to show up. Can’t just hide out on rooftops.”

Alexandria gave a slight nod, acknowledging his words but not committing to anything. Logan didn’t push further; he’d said what he needed to say. With a final glance at her, he turned and headed back toward the door.

“Logan,” Alexandria called out, just as he reached the stairwell.

He paused, looking back at her. “Yeah?”

She hesitated, then shrugged, as if she wasn’t sure what she wanted to say. “Thanks. For… you know.”

Logan gave a short nod, his expression softening just a fraction. “Don’t mention it.”

With that, he disappeared down the stairs, leaving Alexandria alone on the rooftop once more. She watched the door close behind him, then turned her attention back to the stars. Maybe this place was different.