#re: the last one id say everything does inspire me in some way though

[wuntrum]

for the ask game: 13, 15, 17, and 29 (sorry if that's a lot, feel free to pick and choose)

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

ok thought long and hard about this, closest answer i can come up with is duchamp? i respect the thoughts behind it / how it still makes people mad/confused to this day, but i don't like the fountain on a subjective level (theres some other work of his thats cool, but the readymades aren't usually my thing, on like a "i want to look at this forever and ever" way). also julia ducournau BUT!!!! only in the sense that her films are upsetting to me but i respect them greatly (raw is incredible, and i respect titane so so much, but it was so visceral to me that i couldn't finish it)

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

myyyy desk! try to always draw there, or any sort of table, though during the last couple months i was drawing in bed a lot (not good for your body, but good when the Horrors are keeping you in your room)

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

always have a drink! water always + tea if its midday (coffee or boba if i decide to get a fun little drink). gotta stay hydrated!

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

for meeee i enjoy podcasts but find it hard to translate that visually...like to pick an example, really like the magnus archives! and i can like imagine/"see" whats happening when its actively being described, but i still don't get how people translate voices -> looks and vice versa. i just can't make that connection personally

[lost-in-sokovia]

toxic - chapter 3

hi my loves! it’s chapter 3!! i hope you enjoy this chapter as the plot begins to roll😉 without further ado, here we go!! (may contain spoilers to Knives Out)

After a long day at The New York Times, you said goodbye to your jumpy best friend and your coworkers. You walked out the door of the warm building into the chilling night air of New York.

Offices, establishments, boutiques, restaurants, and street lamps were all lit, giving a magical feeling to the city. Christmas decorations were beginning to pop up about the city giving it an extra holiday feel.

You smiled and inhaled deeply when smelled warm pizza and beer as you passed a local restaurant buzzing with music and people talking and laughing.

You loved your city.

You pulled your jacket around you tighter and pushed your hair out of your face. Walking briskly quickly into your apartment building you exhaled as warmth embraces your body.

You walked past the bellboy and nodded with a smile as you entered the elevator.

As you stood and waited to make it up to your floor, your breath caught when you remembered that response.

How could I forget?😉

Your heart fluttered and your eyes widened. You had put it off all day after it happened as you needed to do some work before the holiday arrived.

Making your way quickly into your apartment you dropped your purse on the floor and jumped onto your couch. You laid on your stomach and stared at the text, wondering how to make your next move.

Oh my god😅... How have you been Ransom? It’s been a while?

You read and reread and re-reread your response. Was that too basic? Too tacky? Wait why the hell do you care? This will literally last maybe a day before classic Ransom gets bored with you and never text you again.

Biting your lip, you pressed send and inhaled deeply. You hoisted yourself back onto your sore feet and stalked into your room to change.

~•~•~•~•~

Ransom laid on his couch, his eyes aimlessly wondering everywhere but the TV while his mind thought about anything and everything.

His phone buzzed on his chest and he picked it up to see your message.

He exhaled in amusement and shook his head. It was him, not some client you’re trying to impress. You two were besties, just talk to him already.

I’m just amazing.

Ransom thought for a moment, his blue eyes scanning the short conversation. Was he going to pull a stunt like this? He knew impulsive decisions like this never really turned out well...

So why the hell not?

I’m glad you contacted me; my dumbass family is going out of town for the holiday... Would you like to come to Boston and join? We could catch up for old time’s sake! It might be fun.

Ransom laughed as he pressed send, ready to see what came next. He knew you were probably curled up in a ball, not knowing how to handle the situation. But he also knew that you wouldn’t be able to say no, because (haha) that would be rude.

He pulled up Meg’s phone number and called her, lightly bouncing his leg on the arm of the couch.

“What do you want?” Meg answered flatly.

“Hey cuz, what’s up?” He replied happily.

“Well I was fine until you decided to call me for whatever shitty reason,” she retorted. Ransom ran a hand through his now-clean hair and smiled.

“That’s great, listen Meg, remember that girl (Y/N) who I used to go to school with?” He asked.

“Oh you mean the girl who was actually a good influence? Yeah she was pretty cool, why?” She asked skeptically.

Ransom sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Is there any chance in hell you and the rest of the Looney Tunes are going out of town for Thanksgiving?”

“No dumbass, why would we start doing that now?”

Ransom’s amusing grin turned into a smirk. “Thanks Meg.”

~•~•~•~•~

What the hell what this??????

You gripped your phone so hard you thought you might break it. Without missing a beat you called Claire on FaceTime and expected an answer quick.

“WHAT’S UP BITCHHHHHHHHH!” She screamed happily into the phone. She had already gotten settled for the night; her long black hair wet, face mask on her tan skin, pajamas on, and dimmer lights in the background. Her apartment was so chic and you wished it was yours.

“Hey girl! So uhm,” You cleared your throat and darted your eyes from the camera. “S-So Ransom and I were talking more...”

“And?” Claire probed.

You hesitated. “What does it mean if a guy invites you to Thanksgiving?”

“HE DID NOT!!! AHHHH!” Your bestie’s high pitched laughter pierced through the phone. She laughed and rolled backward for a moment before springing back up. “What are you gonna do?” She asked eagerly.

“I-I don’t know, I’ll have to talk to my mom...” You thought as you bit your lip. Claire huffed.

“If there’s one thing I know about (Y/M/N), she wouldn’t let her daughter miss an opportunity like this,” Claire reasoned. You looked into her sparkling brown eyes with uncertainty, and she rolled her eyes. “Just tell her it’s for old-times sake! Come on (Y/N)! What do you have to lose?”

Shit, you internally cursed. “Fiiiiiiine,” you groaned. Claire shot a fist to the air and bounced around in victory.

“Tell your ma I say ‘hi,’ (Y/N)!” She sang before waving and hanging up. You sighed before getting up and getting yourself some wine, because god knows that’s what you were going to need for this next situation.

Pulling up your mom’s number on your caller ID, you quickly downed a glass before pouring yourself one more to get through the conversation. Holding your breath, you pressed “call” and held the phone up to your ear as it rang.

“(Y/N)!” Your mother’s voice happily answered. You forced a smile to yourself.

“Heeey mom,” you replied awkwardly.

“How are you? I just read your article on climate change, loved it! The holidays are coming up, are you ready to be off? You’re coming here right?” Your mother bombarded you with questions. Your stomach turned and you took another sip of wine.

“Haha, y-yeah...” you cleared your throat as you began to pace. “Listen, mom, I wanted to talk to you about Thanksgiving...”

Your mother waited for your response, giving you a quiet “hmm?” as you paused.

“R-Remember Ransom? Ransom Drysdale from boarding school?” You began.

“Oh Ransom! Yes, a fine looking boy was he not?” Your mom verified.

Yeah, real hot.

“Yeah... Well he kind of... sorta... i-invited me to Boston to join him for Thanksgiving...” You trailed off nervously.

“Oh well honey! Of course you can go there!” Your mom exclaimed. You did a small double take and drank some more wine.

“Really?” You asked after gulping down the alcohol as the stress melted away.

“Oh of course! It would be so fun for you to catch up, so why not! I mean sure we’ll miss you here, but you can always visit!” Your mom was basically rooting for you. She thought the idea was grand.

“Oh, heh, well thanks mom,” you replied.

“Of course (Y/N). Love you sweetie!” Your mom wished.

“Love you too, ma.” you replied before hanging up the call. You walked over to your window and looked out over New York and up at the moon, breathing in and out carefully.

You turned your phone back on and responded to Ransom.

Sounds great! I’m in. Send me the details and I’ll be there Saturday evening.

~•~•~•~•~

What did he say? Ransom knew you wouldn’t say no.

Chuckling to himself as he brushed his teeth, He walked out of his attached bathroom and into his room, looking out the glass door and over the balcony. His brain picked apart memories he could vaguely picture.

He pieced all of these together to try and remember more of what you were like.

He remembered the one time the two of you tried to have a sleepover in the girl’s bathroom since boys’ and girls’ dormatories were separate. You guys had laid out sleeping bags, telling stories and playing games, all while trying to keep your giggling hushed as to not get caught. The janitor wasn’t very happy when he found the two of you sleeping on the floor the next morning.

Another memory flooded in of Ransom feeling the smallest twinge of jealousy when you got your first kiss.

Well, “first kiss.”

It was after one of the school dances, Ransom and you slowly walking around the empty hallway as the party ending neared. There were still colored lights and loud music skimming in the hallway through the cracked door.

“No way!” Young Ransom laughed in disbelief. You nodded your flushed face and looked into his sparkling blue eyes.

“Yep, Tyler leaned right in and kissed my cheek real quick before running off,” you giggled. You thought for a second before your face flashed with fear. “Wait, does that still count?”

Nope, Ransom thought. “Of course!” He reassured. He would never break your heart like that, you two were only thirteen. You smiled in relief.

“Phew, thanks. Did anything happen to you tonight Mr. Drysdale?” You nudged him playfully. Ransom laughed, feeling a little sad.

“No, but it’s okay,” he said. You gave him a sad smile.

“Don’t worry, when we’re older and better-looking we’ll get all the action,” you laughed.

Ransom found himself missing those days as he returned to the bathroom.

They were over though, and the two of you were not who you used to be. If anything this holiday would be more humorous than sentimental. After all, those guys he ditched you for made him toxic.

well this took a turn, huh? i hope you all enjoyed this chapter and chapter 4 is rolling!!🤍

Taglist:

@heyiamthatbitch @mcuclintasha @captainsmallassrogers @fangirlinacoffeeshopweshare @anisiamoisa @awesomelittledemarco03 @aletteredaffair @castellandiangelo @theangrylizard @frencchfries @takemetooneverlanddd @sp2900 @smilexcaptainx @monpetitcoin21 @marymoon18 @mccunted @iamapersonwholikesunicorns @chuuulip @sweetlittlegingy @lookalivefrosty @brookebradford @patzammit @stucky-is-life-thank-you @bval-1 @need-more-time @blowfishevans @polarcrystall @little-dark-empress @rosalynshields @asianbuttcheek @dailythotdotcom @topstory21 @canny1902 @alexxcorona113 @what-inspirational-name @summer-may @abbyalee @littlefiercequeen @stardancerluv @oncemorewithfeelingg

[cagestark]

Winterspider prompt if you're game! There's a meme about a poor college student being robbed; the robber, upon learning just h o w poor, stopping and giving the (empty) wallet back and being sincerely concerned. "You... you live like this?" What if the winter soldier/bucky barnes breaks into struggling college student Peter parker's apt and all his pre-serum steve instincts are triggered by the state of the place and how /tiny/ Peter is (abo/soulmates/soulmarks/werewolf au for spice up to you)

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five

This prompt came into my house and stole my money. This is CHAPTER ONE. Because I was so inspired that I’m officially making this my first multichap fic. I hope this will appease you for now…And I hope you can forgive me for making it winterironspider (I’m a sucker for starker/winteriron so it all just clicked together nicely). Please come back into my inbox and let me know what you think so far.

Warnings in this chapter: graphic descriptions of being poor. Bucky says fuck A LOT. Peter is 24 but Bucky keeps calling him “kid” because he’s so small. Sickness. 4.1k

-

Bucky can pick a lock in ten seconds flat.

It’s a science: tension wrench goes into the keyhole, the slightest torque is applied, then his favorite pick—the Bogota with three rakes, as of late—goes in and he scrubs the hell out of it until the plug turns. Easy as fucking pie.

The hard part (and he’s not counting the guilt, the horror he would feel if Tony ever discovered how Bucky makes the money he uses to buy his lover trinkets) is scoping out the right apartments. He sticks to NYU residence halls, early mornings and late at nights because the security is usually lax enough to let him through without even checking his ID—if they ask? Oh fuck, I left my wallet in my Uber. Maybe he hasn’t left yet, one sec—and then he’s out of there.

Today, it’s the Lafayette Hall between China Town and TriBeCa, reserved for graduate students seeking their Master’s Degrees in science fields.

It should be empty. On campus is an expo featuring innovators from Sphere Fluidics, Fasmatech, AcouSort, and NanoTemper Technologies which—according to the flier Bucky read online—are huge names in the science industry, all displaying their scientific discoveries from the last business year and scouting for fresh blood.

Any science major worth a shit will be there, he imagines. But it’s mandatory for NYU grad students. Score.  

Content that the apartments will more than likely be empty, Bucky chooses the first hit at random after taking the elevator up: apartment 2B. It’s furthest away from the security camera at the other end of the hall—not that Bucky has ever left behind a reason for those cameras to be checked. It’s the principle of the thing, really. He keeps his back turned, hair in his face, both hands gloved (thank God it’s always cold and dreary in NYC, so his gloved hands don’t draw any attention) while he scrubs the lock. It takes him no longer than it might for anyone with a legitimate key, and then the door is open and he is in.

Bucky can see decently in the dark, the light from the hallway disappearing as the door is carefully closed behind him. Holding his breath, he stills himself, calls upon his enhanced senses, and listens: but there are no sounds coming from the apartment. Empty.

Then he actually takes in the place, and he realizes that that word fits in multiple ways.

The apartment is vacant, he thinks at first. There is the basic furniture all the NYU apartments come with: a refrigerator, a couch, a coffee table. But there is no television, no end tables. There are no curtains on the window across the room—and wow, what a lovely view of the brick building across the alley. The entire place smells musty and unused. Maybe it really is empty—

But no. Little signs of life appear. There are shoes by the door, ones that saw better days many, many days ago. On the wall, a photograph is tacked there, unframed, of two boys on either side of a pretty, dark skinned girl. A plastic grocery sack is dangling off of the drawer handle of one kitchen cabinet, sagging with contents that he can’t make out through the opaque plastic.

Someone does live here, they’re just terrible at decorating.

With careful, silent steps, Bucky moves deeper into the apartment. He doesn’t bother looking for a wallet—that will be with the owner—but usually there is money somewhere else. If he’s really lucky, he’ll find whatever he’s looking for.

Today, he wants blank CD’s. Last night, Tony showed him a movie where the teenage love interest burned—(“why’s it called that, Tony? You don’t burn the thing, do you?”)—a CD with love songs. It was real romantic shit; something Bucky never got to do. Something that he longs to do with this amazing man in his life. He can imagine the look on Tony’s face when he listens to a compilation of all the awesome music he’s introduced Bucky to, and it makes his heart race.

The Best Buy downtown sells a pack of five CD’s for $6.99 plus tax which brings the total to $7.61. That’s all that he needs. He could probably take that and more from any one of these apartments and the occupants would never notice. He isn’t hurting anyone. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

Then—jackpot. On the counter is a line of change: neat stacks of quarters and dimes, taller piles of nickels and pennies. Palming it, he cups one hand under the counter and slides the coins home into his hand. A quick count tells him that it’s just $2.30. It’s probably change for the vending machines downstairs, maybe fare for the bus. Nothing that will break this grad student’s bank.

For a moment he contemplates leaving the apartment. He’s almost got a third of what he needs for the CD’s. But breaking into another apartment just escalates the risks he takes, unnecessarily so when the rest of the money could very well be in the bedroom or even in the pocket of some jeans resting on the bathroom floor. No. He’ll press on.

Walking silently, he brings up the floorplan of the apartments in his mind (NYU had all that shit online; didn’t they know how unsafe it was? This world made information so available). The bedroom is on the left, past the kitchen. In the dim light through the window, he can see the door, open, a dark gaping mouth that he slips through soundlessly. It is even darker here, and he stands still waiting for his eyes to adjust further. It’d be no good to go fumbling around in the dark, knocking into furniture.

It only took moments, but as soon as he could make out dim shapes, he heard it. A little whimper. The rustling of sheets. Everything in him went still except for the blood in his veins, propelled by his furiously pounding heart. Someone is here. Bucky broke into an occupied apartment. He is standing in the doorway to a bedroom and there is someone sleeping in the bed.

He gets a glimpse before he can slink back into the living room, and what he sees stops him in his tracks. It is a boy—or a very small man, perhaps, considering these apartments are for graduate students only. The boy is wearing just a pair of boxers, some dark color—red or navy or even black, perhaps, since colors are distorted in this low light—but there is no hiding or distorting how thin he is. The shadows between his ribs are little valleys to the pale, jutting mountains of bone, rising with his fast, shallow breaths. The collarbones protrude, limbs fine-boned and so skinny that Bucky could probably wrap his fingers around an entire ankle or bicep. His face is smushed against one pillow so features are indistinguishable, but the mop of messy curls on top is unmistakable.

There is no bed. There is no bedframe, no mattress, no box spring. A pile of threadbare blankets and sheets are entwined into a makeshift nest, like the kid is some little bird.

After taking in the sights, he takes in the smell. It’s strong—damp and musty, like the windows have never been opened. The pungent scent of sweat. The overly sweet scent of cough syrup, though the two bottles on the nightstand are upended and empty.

Mostly, the acrid smell of sickness. A bucket is beside the bed, and the smell of vomit gets stronger the closer he comes—why is Bucky walking forward? He should be walking away, far, far away.

The boy whimpers again, rolling onto his back more. Sweat coats his skin, and the rapid rise and fall of his chest is even more pronounced in this position, tummy a hollow little thing. This boy is sick, very sick from the smell and the heat that Bucky can feel when he places his hand above the boy’s head, hovering over the skin.

“Ben!” The boy shrieks. Bucky jerks away and nearly topples the trash bin of vomit. His heart is pounding, thinking I’m so sorry Tony, so sorry that I’m going to get caught and get arrested and that you’re the only person in the world I’ll have to call, and if you don’t want to bail me out I’ll understand, I really will—but the boy sleeps on, lips moving. He is dreaming the feverish dreams of the sick.

Carefully, Bucky stands. He backs from the room. On his way out, he takes in more details even if he doesn’t want to: a name-badge for the building and NYU campus (which he takes, which he should have seen on his way in and known that it would be wherever the student was—complacent, he’s gotten too fucking complacent), the silver duct tape on the bottom of the kid’s shoes which holds them together. The past-due notices on the refrigerator. The paper plate resting in the sink, plastic cutlery that has been washed and re-used countless times. The kid is poor. So fucking poor.

And he can’t help that it reminds him of another sickly poor boy from nearly a hundred years ago. He remembers it like it was yesterday, fuzzy memories that Princess Shuri helped turn clear: a thin pale Captain America, the chest-deep coughs that would rattle his whole frame when he was sick, sitting by his best friend’s side through the night just to mop his brow and make sure he didn’t choke on his own sick. His stomach aches, twisting inside out with phantom hunger pains. Stepping into that apartment made him feel like he’d entered a time machine back to the Great Fucking Depression.

Another thought comes: what if the kid needs a fucking ambulance? What if he’s in there, brain frying from his fever? What if he throws up and aspirates? That will be on Bucky. There’s no way that he can walk away from this—not if it could add an(other) life, like a notch, to his murderous bedpost.

Palms sweating, he looks down at the badge he left with. Peter B. Parker. It’s a cute name—Bucky’s always had sort of a thing for alliteration. The picture of the kid is shy with the closed-lip smile and the rampant curls falling onto his forehead. He was skinny to begin with, but not malnourished like he is now. The badge will let him come in through the back doors. Because apparently he is planning on coming back.

Bucky pulls out his cellphone, mostly unused, and makes a call. While he talks, he takes the stairs down so that he doesn’t lose the call in the elevator.

Tony picks up on the second ring. “Hey Bucky, everything alright?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” In the background he can hear the sound of a door closing, and Tony’s voice grows more familiar, softer and more comfortable. He must have been around company but left.

“You only ever call if you’re about to break the law,” Tony says fondly.

Is he really so predictable? Well, in this case, he’s already broken the law, though that’s hardly a point that he wants to make. “No. it’s—nothing like that. I was just wondering about the credit card you gave me.”

“Oh? Thinking about blowing the dust off it?”

“Yeah,” Bucky mutters. He hates it—hates being like the other million people in Tony’s life who just take his money. The fear that this man who has helped Bucky salvage himself, salvage the will to live life, to carve out a life he wants to live…the fear that he’ll think Bucky is just with him for the money is unconquerable. Tony gave him the leather wallet and the credit card years ago, and Bucky has never once used it. “Just a bit. Twenty dollars. Thirty at the most, Tony, and I swear I’ll pay you back—”

“Hey, hey, no need for the freaking out. Mi dinero es su dinero, polar bear. Buy whatever you need.” He pauses. “Are you in any trouble? I don’t know if you need me to emphasize this, but there’s probably no trouble you can imagine that I can’t get a person out of.”

“I’m not in trouble,” he says, hoping Tony doesn’t notice the unconscious inflection on the word I’m. “But I’ll remember that. I promise.”

“Okay. Great. That’s all I need to hear. Thai, tonight?”

Bucky can’t help but smile. He pushes open the back door to the building and steps out into the street, angling his face away from the security camera at the alley entrance on instinct. The wind is blistery, whipping his hair around his face. “I’ll be there.”

Tony hums. “I can hardly wait.”

They exchange declarations of love and say goodbye. Bucky feels a little choked up, how he always feels after hearing Tony say that he loves him. His eyes sting—but that’s just the wind. Honest. Down the street is a pharmacy and Bucky ducks in, head down. There’s an entire aisle for cold medicines, and he takes far too long examining all the bottles. Thank God there are ones that seem to treat everything: headaches, fever, nausea, cough. Everything except for the kid’s destitution.

He sees the chicken noodle soup and he grabs some of that as well.

Checking out is awkward; Bucky slides the card upside down at first. Then he’s unsure: credit or debit? He clicks credit since it’s first, but then he has to sign and he has a new dilemma. Should he forge Tony’s signature or put down his own? The card has his name on it, but it’s Tony’s money. In the end, he writes his own name. Forging feels too…familiar.

With less than twenty dollars spent, he trudges back down the block to the apartment building, and it isn’t until he’s swiping the key to get into the back door that he realizes he has no fucking idea what he’s going to do. Knock on the kid’s door? Hey, I broke in earlier and saw you were sick and out of medicine, here’s some. I’ll put the change I stole back on the counter. Sorry to fucking bother you?

Bucky Barnes, former assassin for Hydra, absolute dumbass.

Absolute persistent dumbass. Because he knocks on the door. He really fucking does. And when no one answers, he knocks again and again until he hears movement on the other side of the door (a chest-rattling cough that makes him shudder) then the door is cracked open and a bloodshot, honey-brown eye is staring out at him.

“Hi,” Peter croaks. His voice is wrecked, and it immediately does things to Bucky. Things that are wrong, especially considering that his voice isn’t croaky because of a cock nudging too persistently at the back of his throat, but because he is fucking sick. “Can I help you?”

“I’m here to help you,” Bucky says. Peter’s eyebrows furrow. It’s cute. He’s wearing a shirt that is far too large for him, and pajama pants so long they slip down past the backs of his heels. “I’m—visiting one of your neighbors down the hall. You’re keeping everyone up with your cough, kid. I brought you some medicine.”

Peter opens the door wider, so that Bucky is seeing all of him instead of just a two-inch section. He rests against the doorframe because he’s swaying, struggling to keep on his feet, and he is so tiny, so, so tiny. The smell of him is foul, but Bucky would never mention it. “Gosh,” Peter says, and Bucky is horrified to see tears, real fucking tears fill his eyes. “I didn’t know I was keepin’ everybody up.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Bucky says. People say that, sometimes, to horses that are likely to buck off their rider or men who pull out guns in gas stations. Bucky figures that he should probably use either of those situations as reference for what to do now, because how to comfort a crying kid was not in the Winter Soldier’s repertoire. “Don’t shoot.” Fuck. Try again. “I mean—it’s not your fault. You’re sick. Obviously.”

Fat tears roll down Peter’s cheeks. It impedes his breathing even more, until Bucky is afraid that he’s going to choke on his own phlegm. When he speaks, he tries to keep his voice even and clear through his hitching breaths. The shirt slips off his shoulder, bones protruding. “I-I-I know. It hit m-me a-all of the sudden. But now it won’t go away.”

“Have you tried going to the doctor?”

Peter’s smile is downright tragic. He looks like he wants to reach out and pat Bucky on the cheek, call him a sweet summer child, ask him what pipe he smoked to have such a dream. “I d-don’t have insurance. I’m still trying to p-pay off my debt from last year when I had my tonsils removed.”

“And they—what—they won’t treat you? Just because you needed treating once before? They’re fucking doctors!”

“I know,” Peter whines, rubbing a wrist at his leaking nose. The door opens even wider. “Would you like to come in?”

Bucky sees the irony. He really does. A half hour ago, he was in this apartment robbing the kid. Now he’s standing at the kitchen counter watching Peter make ramen noodles (“my aunt always said that when someone is in your house, you should treat them like they live there”). He nearly burns his hand on the pan, and that’s when Bucky moves to take over, stirring when appropriate, adding a packet of flavoring. Peter pulls one bowl down from the cabinet—the cabinet that is unbearably empty from the quick glimpse Bucky gets of it.

“I only have one bowl, I’m sorry,” Peter says, face red, eyes downcast. His hands shake while he ladles the soup and noodles in. He gives Bucky one of the plastic spoons—it’s clean, he knows—but the whole thing is so fucking sad. When Peter glances over the counter, muttering something about some missing rent money, that’s it. That’s it for Bucky.

I’m taking him home with me, he thinks, nudging his spoon against the noodles in his bowl.

“I’m Peter, by the way,” the kid introduces himself. Then his face goes white, shaking intensifies. “Excuse me.”

Bucky hears him vomiting even through the walls between them. There isn’t much to come up, but the retching lasts forever it seems, the boy dissolving back into tears. Instinct says to go to him, but Bucky doesn’t want to be anymore of a fucking creep than he already is. When the vomiting turns to coughing and then to gasping, Bucky decides fuck it. He is a fucking creep. But he’s not going to let the kid pass out and crack open his head.

Peter is in the bathroom, bowed over the toilet, curls matting to his forehead with his fever. Bucky goes through drawers until he finds a washcloth and wets it from the sink, the water stinking of iron, to at least dab at the back of the kid’s neck. He shivers, but sighs into it, his wheezing breaths slowing.

When at last he leans back, his cheeks are red and wet. “Thanks,” he croaks. Bucky just mops at his forehead, avoiding the comical look of relief and pleasure on his face.

“You need a doctor.”

“Can’t afford it,” Peter mutters, reaching out to flush the toilet. Bucky practically carries him back to the kitchen-living room combo, setting him down on the threadbare couch.

“I’ll pay,” Bucky says. Then he winces—because it isn’t really his money. It’s Tony’s money. How can he just promise Tony’s money to this kid? But he can pay Tony back. No matter how long it takes or how hard he has to work. He’s got decades and decades left to live. He’ll spend them all trying to repay Tony’s kindness and love as it is. What is this one extra debt?

“What?” Peter asks, his eyes glassy with fever. “You can’t.”

“Why not?”

“A trip to the doctor costs hundreds of dollars, not to mention if I’m really sick, I’ll need medicine which will cost even more. I’m not taking that kind of money from you.”

“I’m rich,” he half-lies.

Peter looks him up and down, the worn boots, the soft but unremarkable jeans, the gloves that he’s still wearing even though they are indoors. While he doesn’t look destitute, the idea comes across loud and clear: Bucky sure doesn’t fucking look rich.

He sighs. “Fine. It’s my boyfriend. He’s rich.”

“You want me to take your boyfriend’s money? I’m—what? I don’t know you. I don’t even know your name.”

“My name is Bucky,” says Bucky. “And my boyfriend is Tony Stark.”

Peter’s mouth clicks shut. His eyes clear a little, the name cutting through the sickness. “Tony Stark.”

“Yeah.”

“The billionaire.”

Bucky can feel himself smile against his will. “Genius, billionaire, philanthropist, superhero. Yeah, he’s the one.”

Peter reaches out and puts his burning hand against Bucky’s forehead. “Maybe you’re the one who is sick,” he teases weakly.

“I’m serious,” Bucky says. He pulls out his phone and Googles it—hopes the kid doesn’t see the tab of Lafayette Hall dorm room floor plans that was previously open. Then he brings up the tabloids. He and Tony aren’t in the news as often as they were years ago when they first started leaving the Tower together to do couple-things, but the articles last forever. There’s a nice one detailing all about Tony’s promiscuous love life, how everyone thought the bisexual ways of his youth were just a phase. Until Bucky.

The pictures are clear. Peter’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “You’re dating Tony Stark. Oh my god. I’m—I’m his biggest fan. Oh my god. I think I’m going to pass out. I’ve—” the kid goes red as a beet, “I’ve had a crush on him since I was like, like this tall.”

Judging by the height of his hand when he holds it up, Peter’s been harboring his crush on Tony since ever. And yeah, Bucky gets it. His lips can’t help but quirk upwards—Peter is so fucking cute, even with he way his cheeks are hollow, eyes sunken. He lights up when he talks about Tony. Bucky is the same way. Tony inspires that in people.

“I’ll pay for you to go to the doctor. See? I can afford it.”

Peter gnaws at his lower lip. “But why? I don’t get it. Because I’m keeping everyone on the floor up? That doesn’t—this is weird.”

“Because you remind me of someone I used to know. My best friend, from when I was a kid. He’s—he’s not around now. But you two would have gotten along well, I think. And he would’ve kicked me in the ass if he knew I just walked away when I knew you need help.” He can see the indecision on the kid’s face, the wavering teeter-totter of what he wants to say (yes yes yes) versus what he thinks he should say (no, but thank you). Bucky has an ace up his sleeve: “Why don’t you come back to the Tower with me? Meet Tony. He’ll tell you all this himself.”

“I couldn’t!” Peter nearly shrieks. He coughs, and Bucky waits patiently for him to finish.

“You could. You totally could. You will. I’ll call a car—”

“Oh my god,” Peter whispers under his breath, his whole tiny body going lax and weak like a woman from Victorian times, likely to swoon at any moment. Where are Bucky’s smelling salts? “Oh my god,” he says, soft and to himself. “I’m going to meet Tony Stark.”

Bucky can’t help it. He grins, pats awkwardly at the kid’s shoulder—and Jesus, he’s a tiny little thing, still burning up under Bucky’s grip. “He’s going to be thrilled to meet you.”

-

Peter insists on showering and changing his clothes. Bucky steps out into the hallway to call Tony back and warn him—and ask him to send Happy or one of the self-driving cars. Anything to avoid taking a cab or the subway.

“Twice in one day,” Tony says when he picks up the phone, forgoing a greeting. “Aren’t I a lucky man?”

“I’m the lucky man, ‘s far as I can tell,” Bucky says lowly. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine Tony’s expression, the ridiculous fond face he makes when he looks at Bucky. “I had a favor to ask of you, though. A big one.”

“Anything for you, frosted flake.”

“Send a car to the address that I text you? And—order Thai for three?”

[anidiotwithadream]

A Girl Like Me... (Part 3)[Jack Maynard]

So I know it’s been a long time since I published part 2, but it’s because I’ve been busy with a lot of things and only know got inspiration to write this part. Hopefully part 4 will be up soon!! :D

Requested: Yes!

Warnings: No

Word count: 1,574

Outfit for the dinner: https://www.polyvore.com/girl_like_me_part/set?id=231574427

Outfit Melody changes into: https://www.polyvore.com/just_random_black_red_look/set?id=231580204

“I am so sorry mother, I got caught up in a conversation with a friend in his holiday home, I fell asleep and woke up this morning,” I explain to her. 

“Daniel came back to us alone and told us that you had hit him, the mark on his face was very bad. Did you really hit him?” She asks as her frustration and disappointment is now obvious on her face. This is not good.

“Yes, I did hit him mother, only because he was trying to take advantage of me. It was self defense,” I answer calmly. She has to understand. She looks at me and re-adjusts her posture.

“That doesn’t seem like Daniel to me, I would like you to apologise to him tonight at dinner,” she says.

“But mother-“ I start but she interrupts.

“I don’t want to hear it, Melody, you did this to yourself, imagine what people would say about this!” She shouts then storms off. I storm off to my room.

How could she do this to me? My own mother cares more about our image towards other people than her own daughter. That hurt a lot more than heartbreak.

Suddenly, my phone goes off: A text from Jack.

The text reads: “Meet me at Midnight tonight.”

What ever could that mean? I guess I’ll have to find out later. Just thinking about seeing Daniel is making me nauseous. I really don’t want to see him ever again, but I have to because of my mother.

I pick up the book I am in the middle of at the moment for English. The book is called ‘Paper Towns’ and I am quite fascinated by it, as it is not like any other book I’ve read before. The girl in the book, Margo, disappears all of the time and the boy who has a crush on her, Quentin, goes to find her only to be turned down by her? Talk about a plot twist! I sometimes wish I could be like Margo, leave whenever I feel like it, to be confident in my decisions. Just to have a different life really. I’d like to have my own Quentin too, but I wouldn’t turn him down.

If my Quentin could come and save me from my world and take me away to a place where no one knows me, I will be happy. But right now, I’m smiling through my pain. Everyone sees the happy girl that I pretend to be and no one sees me breaking at the seams inside, cracking and falling apart. All I want is for someone to notice that before I’m completely broken and no one can put me back together.

I think one of my favorite quotes from the book is, “it’s so hard to leave until you leave, then it’s the easiest goddamn thing in the world,” it just speaks to me personally on a deep level. I’m so afraid of leaving, so afraid of giving my family a bad name. I’m afraid of everything. Once I do it, there is no going back and that scares me. What if I leave and I fail and end up with nothing?

I hear a knock at the door and look up to see the maid, Tracey, standing in the doorway, “Mrs. Lancaster Summers asked me to inform you that it is time to get ready for dinner,” she says with a small smile, which I return.

“Thank you, Tracey,” I say back and she leaves and closes the door behind her, was I really lost in thought for that long?

I walk over to my closet and look through the many dresses that I have with me. Only one sticks out to me though. It is my red Lillian mesh dress from Herve Leger. It is truly a wonderful and beautiful dress and I decide that tonight is the night to wear it. I kneel down to look at my selection of shoes in the bottom of the closet. I pick out my pair of gold studded Louboutin heels, as they’ll go perfectly with the dress.

I put the dress on and do straight to applying makeup. First the foundation, followed by concealer then blush, the eye makeup next and finishing with lipstick and lip-gloss. I look at myself in mirror, after putting my shoes on, and am pleased with how I look. I walk out of my room and down the stairs. There’s still one thing on my mind though.

Why does Jack want me to meet him?

“Daniel, it is so lovely to see you again. Melody has something that she would like to say to you,” my mother says as she gives me ‘the look’ and nudges me slightly.

“I would like to apologize for my behavior last night, it was really unacceptable and not like me at all, I hope that you can forgive me,” I say while looking at him in shame. Not because of what I did, but because of my mother making me do this. It is really embarrassing.

“It is okay Melody, I accept your apology and forgive you entirely,” he says with a smirk, it makes me want to punch him again.

As we sit down for dinner and the food starts coming out, all I can think about is Jack. The way he listened to me last night, the way he cared to move me to his bed and him sleeping on the couch. I had never been showed that sort of kindness before last night. Why can’t there be more people like Jack in the world?

While dinner is uneventful, I look around the room and spot a little girl, no older than eleven years old. She was being lectured on the importance of sitting up straight. I remember when that was me being lectured about something as simple as that. Now it’s just about finding a husband that is respectful enough that my family approves of him.  

What I still don’t understand is why I can’t decide on whom I want to marry in my own time. I want to have fun while I’m young and I want to be free from everything. But I can’t as long as I am in this world having the life that I have.

I look up at everyone sitting at the table and smile, “I’m so sorry everyone but I must excuse myself for tonight, I have a lot of work to catch up on to keep my grades up at school,” I say as my parents nod with a smile and everyone else bids me a goodnight. I stand up and walk away from the table. Noticing that the time is 11:50, I smirk to myself. Just ten more minutes and I’ll know why Jack wanted to meet me.

I walk along the path back to the houses and get myself lost in thought. Upon reaching where I was staying, I see Jack sitting on the doorstep. He gets up and smiles at me widely, “Good evening, Miss,” he says as he bows and I giggle at him. He laughs along.

“Good evening, Jack. Can I ask how you knew that this is where I am staying?” I ask him in confusion. 

“Well, you see, I asked around and said that you were a friend of mine in distress, it took a lot of effort and time, but I finally got the information that you are staying in this house here,” he explains as he points at the house behind him.

“Why did you want to meet me, Jack? I’ve been curious all day and need some details,” I ask again in excitement to know what his plans are.

“Well first of all, you need to change before I tell you,” he says with a smirk and I roll my eyes at him.

I walk past him to unlock and open the door, I gesture for him to follow me, which he does, and I lead him up to my room. He decides to wait outside the door to give me some privacy to change.

“What will I need to dress according to?” I ask as I open my closet and start looking through the dresses.

“Do you have anything that doesn’t look expensive and maybe not acceptable for you to wear around your people?” He asks sheepishly.

I giggle again and go to the very back of the closet where there are dresses that I’ve bought without my parents knowing. I pull out a red velvet bodycon dress and a pair of black suede cage heels. I add a black velvet choker with a pearl on it and silver diamond earrings to the outfit as well as a cropped leather jacket. I let my, now curly, hair down and leave my makeup the same before walking out of my room and looking at Jack.

His eyes widen and his jaw drops, as he looks me up and down, “Wow! I didn’t know you were allowed to own anything like that!” He exclaims in shock as a blush appears on his cheeks.

“I bought this outfit, along with others, without my parents knowing. So, where are we going?” I ask while grinning in excitement.

“Well young lady, you’ve been shielded from real fun your whole life, so I thought I would take it upon myself to show you what a real party is like.”

[we-pay-for-everything]

Not Fade Away, Conversations With Dead People, Graduation Day pt. 2

Hi! Thank you for the ask! I NFA and Graduation Day are favorites too. CWDP... not so much. Let’s see:

Not Fade Away

My favorite or second favorite episode! The best series finale I’ve ever seen. This episode is quite controversial. I know many who, like me, think it is brilliant, and many who lament the abruptness of the ending. There’s so much I could say about this episode, including how it connects to the season, but I’ll settle for the essential analysis. 

This episode works wonderfully as a series finale because it does what series finales must do: it honors the show (and not the season necessarily) and represents, in 40 minutes, everything we love about Angel. 

To honor Angel (both the show and the character) is to honor its mission statement - that started back in Amends, which isn’t even an Angel episode. Buffy’s words to Angel “Strong is fighting. It's hard and it's painful and it's every day. It's what we have to do and we can do it together.” inspired Angel to fight for himself and, later on his own show, for others. 

Angel himself never stopped fighting but throughout the show had to learn and re-learn what he was fighting for: “If there is no great glorious end to all this, if nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do, ‘cause that's all there is. What we do, now, today. I fought for so long, for redemption, for a reward, finally just to beat the other guy, but... I never got it. [...]  All I wanna do is help. I wanna help because I don't think people should suffer, as they do. Because, if there is no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.". 

After his epiphany, Angel never looked back and also taught others what he had learned the hard way: “Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, and cruel. But that's why there's us. Champions. It doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world was what it should be, to show it what it can be.”. 

Angel knows how to make a statement, he knows that even if you can’t win you have to fight, because the smallest act is everything we’ve got against the universe. Angel must fight W&H because, like he told Buffy, evil is there to be fought, not necessarily to be won. Angel had to show the world what it could be and lead the way for other champions and fighters. It doesn’t matter where he came from, what he suffered or even if he made a difference, he decided to live what could be his last minutes as the world should be to prove what it could be. “Let’s go to work”, he said. I can’t think of a better way to close the show and Angel’s arc. Despite his shortcomings during season 5, I knew who the Angel from NFA was and I loved him.

There’s an existential theme to this episode (and to the show as well) that has always been represented by Angel and his arc. But Gunn’s own contribution to this episode was also an important existentialist one that justified the ending of the show itself. Gunn spends his last day helping his friend, Anne, at her shelter. When helping her move some boxes, he asks her: “What if I told you it doesn't help? What would you do if you found out that none of it matters? That it's all controlled by forces more powerful and uncaring than we can conceive, and they will never let it get better down here. What would you do?”. Anne’s answer is simple: “I'd get this truck packed before the new stuff gets here.” And nothing else is said on the subject. 

 Although the most prominent theme of the episode is existentialist in nature, there’s also an absurdist theme represented by Wesley’s character. Wesley’s journey was largely one of pain, sacrifice and meaningless loss. He kidnapped Connor, but his plan failed and he ended up friendless and with his throat slit, he finally got the girl and lost her violently, he tried to kill a member of the Circle of Black Thorn and died having failed. Unlike the potential deaths of Angel, Gunn, Spike and Illyria, Wes didn’t die in battle victoriously and with purpose, but rather meaninglessly, wasted away on the floor, in the arms of an illusion. Wesley’s journey is an absurd, pessimistic one that counters the show’s lesson that fighting is worth it and that life as a meaning, a design, even if it’s a small one. Whereas Angel fights but wins, Wesley fights and loses. I like that. It’s tragic but adds a touch of realism to the show. Not everything has a meaning or a purpose. Somethings are just absurd.  

Earlier in the day, Wesley and Illyria had discussed what his perfect day would be. Wesley, in that absurdist vein, answered: “There is no perfect day for me, Illyria. There is no sunset or painting or finely-aged scotch that's going to sum up my life and make tonight any... There is nothing that I want.”. However, there was something Wesley wanted, but couldn’t have: Fred. So Illyria offered to become her and Wesley refused: “The first lesson a watcher learns is to separate truth from illusion. Because in the world of magics, it's the hardest thing to do. The truth is that Fred is gone. To pretend anything else would be a lie. And since I don't actually intend to die tonight, I won't accept a lie.“. 

Mercifully and true to his words, when Wesley realizes he is going to die, he finally accepts the lie: “Would you like me to lie to you now?”. Wes sees “Fred” for the last time and dies in her arms. If you listen closely, you can hear my sobs. That was the most beautiful, poignant death scene I’ve ever seen. 

Lastly, I’d like to mention Spike, Lorne and Lindsey’s stories. Spike finally gets some credit for his bad poetry - a surprising but fitting ending for his character, the “fool for love”. Lorne gets a sadder, controversial ending. He kills Lindsey. All I’ll say on the subject is that Lorne had a choice and chose to help Angel. And Lindsey, well, he was more demon than man at that point. 

Rating: 10/10

Conversations with Dead People

I’m not particularly fond of this episode. I also confess that I don’t remember it well. Mostly, my dislike for it comes from the conversation between Buffy and Holden. 

What many might call a introspective, clever conversation, I consider to be psycho babble and pretentious drivel. Like many, “psychology” students portrayed in tv and movies, these “experts” sound very little like actual psychologists and more like people who like to name drop Freudian concepts like “ego”, “id”, “Oedipus” so they can sound more knowledgeable. 

I disliked how Buffy spoke of Spike. One of the major problems in this season is how victimized Spike is and how villanized Buffy is. Following the unhealthy Spuffy relationship from season 6 which culminated in the AR from Seeing Red, there’s a lot of bad blood between Spike and Buffy that the writers decided to not address or to address rather badly. Giving Spike a soul immediately shifted the blame from Spike, giving him a chance to escape judgment. However, the writers passed judgement on Buffy instead. She admits herself that she is to blame for their dynamic, because she used him, and implies feeling guilty for whatever she did while depressed and in a “relationship” with a manipulative, abusive, soulless demon. 

Perhaps this episode could’ve done something useful and helped Buffy acknowledge that her guilt was misplaced, which would’ve caused a much needed shift in Buffy and Spike’s dynamic. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen and their dynamic became more and more co-dependent and gross. Spike used Buffy as a clutch, Buffy felt guilty so she clung to Spike, Spike isolated Buffy and Buffy relied more heavily on him, and so on and so forth.

I’m also not convinced by Buffy’s “inferiority complex about her superiority” complex either (see what I mean about pseudo psychology?). Sounds like a gross simplification to me, 

Regarding the Willow/Cassie and Dawn/Joyce parts, my only comment is that I was unimpressed by both. Tara/Willow doesn’t interest me much so I think it’s natural that Cassie didn’t spook me. I will concede that The First was used more effectively in this episode than in most of the other season 7 episodes. 

My rating: 6/10.

Graduation Day, Part 2

My second favorite season 3 episode and one of my top 10 best Buffy episodes! I very much adore it. 

Graduation Day (both parts) in one of the most intense episodes of the Buffyverse. As it happened with Surprise/Innocence, Graduation Day, parts 1 and 2, are immensely successful at constructing a heavy, suspenseful, dangerous atmosphere to keep the audience hooked and expectant. 

Following the Buffy/Faith fight and Angel’s poisoned state, the stakes are high on GD pt. 2. Faith is in a coma, and Buffy has no slayer blood to feed to Angel except her own. Despite bite scenes being a common occurrence in vampire fiction, Joss Whedon only once resorted to that cliché and did it cleverly enough that it didn’t seem like a cliché at all. It was convenient that the poison’s antidote was slayer’s blood because it forced Buffy’s hand regarding Faith. However, it was also a clever way to put the final nail in the coffin for Buffy and Angel’s relationship. What better way to contrast their opposite natures then through Angel drinking Buffy’s blood? Whereas Buffy gives life, Angel takes it, Buffy dies and Angel lives. They can’t co-exist together, not as lovers, not as friends, and not as enemies. That bite scene is perhaps one of my favorite Bangel moments ever. I loved how it was directed. Buffy and Angel falling in slow motion on the floor was quite dramatic, and the music was also. The scene was definitely erotic (the final consummation of Buffy and Angel’s love, because Buffy giving Angel her blood was an act of love) but it was not completely romanticized, it had a very disturbing vibe to it. 

I also loved Wesley and Cordy’s epic kiss, the preparation for taking down the Mayor (not with humus) and every little moment that led up to the battle. Graduation Day part 2 has less filler scenes than the first part, one of the reasons why I find it superior. 

The epic battle was indeed epic. It was the perfect tribute to the high school years and to Joss’ original concept of Buffy being about surviving high school. The Sunnydale High students’ survive high school both literally and figuratively. They fight as one, united for the first time in acknowledgment of the supernatural. Buffy kills the Mayor quite creatively, but first he snacks on Snider (RIP). 

Buffy and Angel’s parting kills me a bit inside, and the final shot of out heroes, as well as Oz’s words, fills me with intense longing and nostalgia. This episode is one of the hardest for me to watch for this very reason. It’s the last of the best Buffy seasons and the end of an era.

Rating: 10/10. 

Tell me your 3 favorite BtVS/AtS episodes and I’ll give you my brutally honest opinion on them 

[aurelliocheek]

John Romero about Doom: 25 Years of Rip & Tear

Fast. Brutal. Hardcore. Merciless. That is Doom.

Doom – ‘nuff said!« That‘s how a Post Mortem on one of the most influencial games of all times could actually look like. Doom wrote games history, Doom is pop culture, Doom is a name that stands for high-speed, hardcore and merciless shooter-action. Everybody knows it, almost everybody played it in at least one of its many different forms – be it the classics, extraordinary mods, Doom 3, fan-projects or id Software‘s Reboot from 2016, published by Bethesda.

On 10th December 2018, Doom celebrated its 25th anniversary. Seriously, is there any better reason to take the time and sit and chat with John Romero, one of id Software‘s founders and Doom‘s creators? We don‘t think so!

One does not simply create a game and thereby a completely new genre, which not only lasts until this day but has ever since evolved tremendously. Looking back at how it came to life, how does it feel being its creator? Hmm… I don’t really think of it this way, which is funny. Even though we made first-person shooters, we originally thought of it as making a better maze game. One that was faster and more fluid – that’s what it felt like at the very, very beginning. Action games or even RPGs before »Wolfenstein 3D« or even »Catacomb 3D«, which was a very fluid moving maze game with demons and stuff, were all built like these 90°-turn wall passages, where each tile only had enough room for one object like a person or enemy; take for example »Might & Magic«, »Ultima« or »Eye of the Beholder«. However, all that these games did was making better wall graphics, but they didn’t make it smoother and faster. And I think, that’s kind of what we did: we took out that block movement, which started with »Maze War« in 1974 – and even that already had deathmatch in it!

There was a game called »Wayout«. It took place in a similar maze, but there were some spaces in the game that were a little bit more open and in which you could fluidly move around. It wasn’t super-fast – it still was an Apple II, with 1 MHz – but fluid. You could turn around in 360° and I was super impressed when I saw that and so I knew that it was possible.

»Catacombs 3D« (upper picture) and »Hovertank One« were the predecessors of »Wolfenstein 3D« and »Doom«.

In 1991, »Hovertank One« was the first time we actually had 3D on screen and moved around in the same kind of mazes (laughs). After Catacomb 3D, we eventually got to Wolfenstein 3D, which was really fast – as fast as we could go in VGA. But Doom really changed it all and it did so, because the environment changed. We got out of these block mazes and went into places that were way cooler and that aspect was very important for the genre to start.

Whenever someone creates something outstanding, people on the outside – in this case gamers – develop high expectations for whatever comes next, and with it there often goes a certain amount of pressure: the pressure of fulfilling these expectations. How has creating Doom influenced your career and how did you deal with the pressure? Well. At id Software, the only pressure we had was our own. We wanted to make really good games. That was the whole point and it didn’t matter what anyone else thought or what other people said; for example, things like »It’s too satanic!« or whatever – we didn’t care at all. It was never going to stop us from doing what we wanted and we never let it pressure us. Nobody makes the best game every time they make a game! By the time Doom came out, I had been making games for 14 years, and during that time every game was getting better and better, but you can’t expect your next game to be the best that’s ever been made, that’s just not realistic. We knew that, because at that point each of us had been making games for at least 10 years. And if you make a lot of games, they’re not going to all be hits – that’s just simple facts. Yeah, we had pressure, but it was our own drive to make really cool stuff! Actually, Doom was the only game where we said at the very beginning that we need to make the best game that we could imagine playing – that was the only time we ever did that (chuckles). »Demons on the Prey«

A Week of Deathmatch with John Romero at GDC, 2013, San Francisco.

Going back even further: what actually sparked the idea for Doom, besides the urge to make a more fluid and advanced maze game, but also in regard to story, setting and everything there is? Did you get any inspiration from books or movies for example? (laughs) It was actually inspired from our D&D campaign. We played »Dungeons & Dragons« for a long time. John Carmack was our dungeon master and he had a world that he had been developing for years when we got together. It had tons of characters in it and it was super political – it was really great! And the D&D campaign ended when I, well… did something that destroyed the world. I opened up a portal to a plane where all the demons are, and they all just poured out over the course of months and destroyed everything in the whole world. Carmack obeyed his own rules and the world was over… and it was due to demons flooding in and ruining everything there was.

So, that was the end of our playing D&D for a while (laughs).

When we were thinking about making Doom, we thought about using this idea, the story about demons pouring in through some kind of portal, and the player actually has the ability to stop it. With that idea, we were thinking about a setting, and we wanted to do something ›sci-fi-futurish‹, because we had already done the ›World War‹ II thing, and we thought that with the new technology we can actually make it look pretty cool. So, with this futuristic setting in mind, Tom Hall came up with the idea of bringing it all to Phobos, where the UAC (Union Aerospace Corporation) was experimenting with teleportation. Doing that, they accidentally opened up portal to hell, but instead of aliens, it’s actually hell coming through (chuckles) and that was something new. No player expected to find hell in space, and that made the game surprising and very interesting. Adding in some of our favourite stuff sci-fi-wise, we thought about what sci-fi-action movies were big at that time and »Aliens« instantly came to mind. We wanted something like that, something terrifying. Also, the dark humour – that’s just part of who we are, and back then »Evil Dead 2« was one of our favourite movies of all time, so we wanted to have this sensibility, and of course the chainsaw and the shotgun (grins)!

In hindsight, is there something you were never 100% happy with? Well, yeah… I wish that I had made a lot more levels… You know, I just made the first episode and not even the boss level, Sandy Petersen had made that because we were just down to the wire. It was a really busy year. We started the game with Tom, until he left us in August. In September, Sandy came on board and first plowed through all of Tom’s stuff and started retexturing and fixing things, and just trying to get a lot of levels done. That was what Sandy was doing, while my work in the beginning was creating the level editor – can’t make any levels without an editor, right? I had to program the tool, and it was really hard coming up with levels that didn’t look like Wolfenstein or rather everything we’ve ever seen in our whole life. So, creating the abstract level design style and developing all that took some time to bring it as far away from Wolfenstein as we could. Then I had to do all the level programming: everything that happens in a Doom level – meaning stairs, doors, lights flickering, you name it – I wrote all of that code, plus the ›save & load‹ code, as well as the tools outside of Doom like the install program, setup, and DM. All of that took me a lot of time and I just wish I would’ve had more time to make more levels.

That’s the only regret I have. Other than that, I still think it turned out great – but it could’ve even been better!

»Aliens« and the character of Ash Williams from »The Evil Dead« inspired certain elements of Doom, be it the atmosphere within the game or… well, the chainsaw and shotgun. Groovy! Copyright: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

If you had the chance to make Doom with today’s tech, how would it look? Or rather: were there any features you weren’t able to realize due to technical limitations? Hmm, if I had the same tech as back then, pretty much the same, only with me making more levels. With today’s tech? Completely different, obviously (laughs). Regarding features: no… (pauses). No, we actually put everything in that we wanted to have in the game – at that time! After a game comes out and you see what people do with it, then of course you get all kinds of ideas of what would be really cool to have. But those things didn’t exist while we were making the game. There simply wasn’t any game like it, so there’s really no way to say »Oh yeah, we messed up« or »We didn’t do a lot of things, because we didn’t have enough time«, simply because those ideas didn’t exist as the game wasn’t out, yet. Everything in the whole world was pre-Doom.

In Germany, Doom I & II were indexed, but re-rated after roughly 19 years. In October 2012, Bethesda released the »Doom 3: BFG Edition«, which included the (not indexed) »Doom3« as well as both the originals. And the amazing thing after having played both games again after almost two decades: they still hold up to this very day and that is quite impressive. Yeah, right? It’s like with »Super Mario« or »Donkey Kong«. It still feels excellent. It’s just that no one really knows how to nail a classic. You have to have a lot of experience making stuff before that’s going to happen. Nowadays, source ports of Doom feel smoother than it did at the very beginning. Now it’s super smooth and really, really fast!

Looking at so many other games that exist, no matter the genre, a lot of them aged really badly. What are, in your opinion, the key elements for Doom not being one of them? Number 1: I think that one of the most important things when you start programming a game, is that it’s tied to a timer, you need to have timer chip control. That means that you’ll never go too fast on any future computer. When we wrote our games, even before id Software, John and I were individually writing games with timer chip control. So as soon as our game starts we immediately set the timer chip for the refresh rate we want the game to go at, and to make sure it doesn’t go faster than that. If it went slower than that, then we would have code that would fix the speed of the character to match where they should be, for example if your CPU was a little too slow. So you actually have to have code to handle moving too slow on a slow computer, but also ensures that moving is never too fast on future computers as well. That’s unbelievably important.

When you go and look back at any games from that time period, they just zoom all over the screen, as they’re just too fast, because CPUs are insane now. The ones that are still super playable are the ones that have real hardware control. None of the Origin games had timer control because they were maxing-out the fastest computers when they released (laughs).

Is it safe to say, that first-person shooters are your favourite genre? I think so, yeah. I mean, it’s super immersive, it looks amazing, there’s lots of great puzzle-solving in that space. I love »Half Life 2«’s physics puzzles – being in a space like that is just so much more immersive than any 2D puzzle game. But that’s a totally different kind of thinking. Before making shooters, I did a ton of different games. For me, Wolfenstein was game number 87! Before that, I had already made 86 games – and that’s only the ones that were being published. So, yeah, I had some practice before Doom (laughs). Up to today I‘ve now made a total of around 150 games.

As an example: Less than a year ago, I did a 10-hour gamejam. The title turned out to be a really cool little game called »July 4th 1976«. I worked on it with a coder friend of mine, and it was super creepy and different. I put it in the App Store, and boom – a new game (laughs). There’s another gamejam next weekend I want to attend. Maybe I can put out another game.

Actually, the last time I’ve been to a gamejam, my son joined me. He flew over from the US to Ireland for father’s day. So, we did a gamejam in the city with a whole bunch of other people and we made something really cool, but the idea was way too big for the time we had. I want to finish it though, because the idea was really cool. You see, I’m always making stuff. I’m currently working on three different games at once.

In 2016, id Software released its Reboot of Doom – fast-paced, hardcore, brutal, real. Its successor »Doom Eternal« is set for 2019.

Are there any other genres or genre-typical mechanics you would like to mix with an FPS? Well, when creating an FPS, I don’t really think about genre-merging, because to me that would feel kind of artificial. When I want to make a new shooter, I rather think about what I want to do in this gameplay style that hasn’t been done and what I haven’t seen before. Take the original »Prey« for example, where you could walk on walls, which totally changed the whole game. They didn’t mash up any genres, they simply put in a very cool feature.

Actually, I do have some cool ideas, but I can’t really talk about them, because… well, you know…(laughs)! But seriously though, there’s still so much that hasn’t been done in FPSs, yet. And it’s amazing how the genre evolved. Just take the first-person perspective. The fact alone that with »Quake« we have created a fluid high-speed first-person perspective, all in 3D. Even games like »World of Warcraft« had to come from that. In fact, the lead programmer of WoW worked on Quake. So when you talk about influences, Doom sure was the beginning, but Quake’s impact was also big. The Production Director for »Overwatch« is the same guy who coded the 3D engine for »Star Wars: Dark Forces« back in 1995. And it’s funny how eventually it all goes back down to Doom, when it comes to a full 3D world.

We actually helped Valve when they started working on »Half-Life«. They came over to our office, and we set them up with a Quake Engine license, and I talked to them about what kind of team they’d need to make an FPS, then they started their company. But it’s not only FPSs – Markus Persson who created »Minecraft« once told me that Doom was the reason he became a programmer. So, you could say that without Doom, there wouldn’t be a Minecraft today (laughs).

From all the first-person shooters that came out in recent years, which is your favourite? Ummm… (long pause). You know, I really like the new »Doom«! It’s got the attitude, it’s got the speed. And for today, it was about making things move fast, but you just can’t have 50 super-fast demons on you, you just couldn’t live. It’s got just the right amount. In the original Doom, we often had a lot of enemies on the screen, but they would move slower. But yeah, it just feels like a really good hardcore shooter and it inherits the essence of how hardcore shooters should be and how we wanted to make them.

… the starting scene where the Doom Marine just takes the screen on which he’s told what’s going on and he just throws it away. All in all though, it feels like they treated the material with the right attitude and necessary respect. (Starts cheering) Yeah! It‘s like »I don’t care. There is no story. Rip & Tear!« And you’re right, they really got what Doom was and made it right. This is absolutely what we would have done if we had the tech. They went into the same direction we would have gone anyway. They worked on it for seven years – that’s such a long time, but they took the time and they made it right. It’s hardcore, it’s really great!

What’s your opinion on »Doom Eternal«? Unbelievable! It was such a great idea just going for that grappling hook – just do it! (laughs) But seriously, everybody is excited about it, because with the Doom they already made they proved that they know what Doom is and how to make something awesome. And what they did with the next one, was basically what we did with »Doom 2: Hell on Earth«. We didn’t mess up anything, but we took what everyone liked and made it better, and that’s exactly what they did with Eternal: they took what everybody liked and made it better, and they did not mess up anything that was already in the game. That’s how you make a sequel!

And you know what? I’m actually more excited for what comes after Doom Eternal (laughs), I mean, I really want to know where Doom goes, because we’ve seen nothing after Doom 2. This is the fifth Doom, and I’m waiting for the next Doom 3 – the real one, not the remake! Looking back at »Half-Life 2«, it was a great game. It was more expansive in scope and more scientific, such a great adventure to go on with all the changing environments and everything. But Doom… Doom is visceral, that’s the major difference.

From left to right: John Carmack, Kevin Cloud, Adrian Carmack, John Romero, Tom Hall, Jay Wilbur.

What did you think about all the easter eggs? Like the little Doom Marine figurine you fist-bump when you find it, the Icon of Sin or Commander Keen’s helmet and skull on a stick? (Laughs) The figurine was so great, and it wasn’t that hard to find. At some point you just turn and backtrack, and then you find him sitting there and I was like »Ah, so little collectibles are a thing now.« And it’s actually funny that they put the word ›Doom‹ on Keen’s helmet, because the only validation for that can be found in Doom 2. There’s a secret level at the very end, where Commander Keen is hanging, and you can shoot him, that’s about it.

Speaking of secret levels: »To win the game you must get 100% on level 15 by John Romero.« – A guy called Zero Master obviously managed to be the first to get 100% of all secrets in said level. Really? After more than 20 years? And what’s the story behind that? Yup, that’s real, nobody had done that before (laughs). Basically it was a special sector that I made while making this level. I put a secret teleporter behind a wall and that teleporter would take you somewhere. But instead of the destination where the teleporter took you being marked as a secret, I marked the teleporter itself as a secret. Normally, when you go into a teleporter, you never actually touch the sector inside the teleporter – you hit the line and you’re teleported. There’s also some weird movement stuff going in that little space. To mark a secret, you also need to be at the same vertical height as the sector, and this sector is above where the player is at. In this case, the players touch the line before they reach the same height as the sector and so they’re gone.

This player who discovered it actually used a Pain Elemental to push them into the teleporter to mark that secret. No one’s ever done that (laughs) and you could tell that guy did it on purpose because he pushed the Pain Elemental all the way down this really long hallway to get there. Sometimes it’s really fascinating what players actually come up with, they do all kinds of crazy stuff (laughs)!

If you could choose one game, you would’ve always loved or still would love to be a part of – your own games excluded –, which one would it be and why? Minecraft! It’s just the best game ever made, and unlike any other game. It’s absolutely incredible! World of Warcraft would be another choice; WoW is derived from »Everquest«, which again is derived from »Ultima Online« – there’s already a lineage there. But it gets to be grindy and repetitive, while Minecraft is just unlimited creativity – simply an amazing game, and its effects on the game industry are yet to be felt even more. Take »Fortnite« or, rather, its building aspect, which is obviously influenced by Minecraft.

In which regards do you think – positive as well as negative – has the games industry changed the most over the last 25 years? Huh… there’s been so many things. The rise of Facebook and Facebook gaming was very interesting and completely unforeseen, just like Minecraft. These huge things, they just appear. »POOF« and there they are, changing the internet.

If you’re a kid who loves Minecraft, however, have fun trying to download mods for it, because everybody’s mod pages and download sites are garbage! It’s horrible, they’re just trying to lure kids into installing all kinds of other stuff. Which download button do you click? If there’s ten buttons, nine of them are installing malware and one actually takes you to the mod you want – that’s insane! Especially as the appetite from kids is there.

And just look at Facebook games. Millions of people make and play these games. I made a Facebook game myself, and I had 25 million people playing it every month. That’s absolutely crazy! It was really interesting to see these things rise up and have this kind of exposure. And it influences everybody else. A lot of people are creatively influenced, others are influenced monetarily, and they just want to make money off that idea, so there’s a ton of ›gold-rushing‹ towards those things.

After 24 (!!) years, player Zero Master finally managed to discover the last and final unrevealed secret. Check the video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=irNoHfnLXRM

Is that rather positive or negative now? Oh no, I think it’s great. The kind of gameplay that evolved on Facebook using your friend network was unlike anything anyone had ever seen in a game before. Nobody had a network like that to connect to, and it was really interesting to see how designers would exploit or use the network that they have or even extend the network to people they don’t know, because these are people that also play the same game. That way they even meet new people through the game. It was really interesting to see this development and it showed how a platform like Facebook could really influence game design in a big way.

… and something really negative? On the whole there’s been a ton of positivity. But… well, #Gamergate, that should never have happened. And lootboxes (laughs). Lootboxes are still in flux. But it depends: if it’s only about stuff for peacocking, it’s one thing. If it’s ‘pay to win’, then it’s so not cool!

What’s your advice for young developers who try to get into the industry today and hopefully survive there? Find something that you’d like to do and mod a game using that skill. Mod multiple games, get experience in doing that and if you like it a lot, then create a portfolio page and get in touch with the companies you’d like to work for. And if you want to make games – well, start making them, however you can. The internet is packed-full with all the information you could possibly ever want. There’s no excuse for not making stuff!

Over the years you’ve probably been asked the same questions over and over again, and once more today. Now is your chance: if you could pick one question you’d like to answer that no one’s asked you before, which would it be? (Laughs) Hahaha, oh geez! Well… (pauses), what was it like making games on the Apple II?

And now you’ve got to answer it. It was tremendous amounts of fun. The Apple II was a finite computer that has nothing to do with today’s computers, which are endless, and you never stop learning. This computer was finite and limited in what it could do and what it had in it. But even with those limits, there was still an unbelievable amount to learn in order to master it and going from BASIC to assembly language and then all the techniques that you could use in assembly that are very different than 8-bit computers of that time period that had hardware systems for sprites and stuff like that – the Apple II had none. A lot of programming techniques had to be developed to put stuff on the screen manually. The interesting ‘problem’ that programming in assembly language brings is that there’s a lot you have to have in your head to write a game in it. And when one person is doing that, it’s hard to really focus on a big and cool new game design, because you already have incredible amounts of stuff in your head in order to just make even a simple game.

Making big games didn’t really happen back then. And if there were any, like the Ultima games, and “Wizardry”, it was because that programmer was just better than most people. They had more practice before making their cool big game, so they could focus more on the design than on the implementation of it. They had already spent years getting good at coding, so they could now focus more on design. And in the early days it was hard to find the time because the industry had just begun in 1977, so it was a race. But it was an amazing time and fun sharing information with other people, and back then everyone was discovering stuff for the first time. There were hardly any books, so it was even cooler when you could actually get a piece of information from somebody, or find a cool trick somewhere in a magazine. It was simply the most fun time ever, because it was also during the arcade explosion and all of the creativity that was coming out in the arcades, all the games that no one had ever seen before, coupled with the fact that you have that going into your head and you could make that stuff happen on a computer. There’s no end to what you can do, there’s no end to what you want to do.

Looking back at your time at id Software: in hindsight and despite how it all went down between you and John Carmack, is there – still today – a specific moment you wouldn’t want to miss for the world? Basically, everything up until halfway through 1995.

John Romero is a legend! Besides that he was the Co-Founder of id Software and creator of classics like »Commander Keen«, »Wolfenstein 3D«, »Doom I & 2« and »Quake«.

The post John Romero about Doom: 25 Years of Rip & Tear appeared first on Making Games.

John Romero about Doom: 25 Years of Rip & Tear published first on https://leolarsonblog.tumblr.com/

[actionfigureinsider]

Hey Folks, Captain Collector, reporting for duty!  Every Year at Comic-Con International, I’ve given the privilege of interviewing the Brand Manager of my favorite toy line, Transformers!  Without further delay, here is my interview from this year, with all the answers to your questions about the new line, War for Cybertron!

CC:  Hello Jon, it’s a pleasure to talk with you again about my favorite toy line, Transformers!  I know every year we do this interview, and every year it’s one of the most read articles we do.

JW:  That’s great!  Here we are again!

CC:  It’s amazing to see how far Transformers have come, using today’s technology and design innovations being used to bring these great characters to life.  Compared to today’s offerings, the original toys seemed like unarticulated bricks! Speaking of the original toys, we’ve learned today that they’re coming back as Walmart exclusives?

JW:  Yes, they are!  What’s exciting about these G1 re-releases – it’s an exclusive Walmart program -not only is it using the original G1 tools, but the packing is almost identical to the original releases as well.  To the parents and fans out there, you want to go to the stores and experience that feeling again of seeing that packaging and those toys again.

CC:  Is there any sort of issue with licensing some of those old G1 vehicles?  Id’ heard stories about this in the past with certain car companies.

JW:  Not really.  For example with Bumblebee, we went to Volkswagen and licensed the beetle car from them.  This time around it’s an officially licensed vehicle.  Part of what’s happening on the G1 series is that we’re limited by what’s available.  A lot of the original tools are over 30 years old.  They’re made of steel, and steel rusts.

CC:  I think this happened with the Takara Encore Jazz, wasn’t his head mold damaged, causing them to resculpt it with a different, smiling face?

JW:  Oh yea, that’s right!  It’s a real thing…

CC:  Wasn’t there an issue with soundwave as well, where they used the SoundBlaster mold, with the dual cassettes, because of the same issue?

JW:  Yeah, it’s definitely a real thing.  The other thing that we have to do is to modify things here and there to comply with modern safety requirements.  Case in point – Starscream.  We had to modify hi null ray cannons.  The projectiles no longer meet safety standards, so we have to make sure that they’re not only ultra-nostalgic, and recreate that experience, but to also make sure that they’re safe for kids.

Sometimes we use that opportunity to make small improvements too, like including the Megatron blaster with Starscream.  Even though he’s got those derpy G1 hands, you can still put Megatron in his hands this time around.  The other thing that’s a small detail is that he has painted eyes for the first time.

CC:  Oh nice!  That old sticker never fit right!!  Mine is without the sticker.

JW:  Many are!  It never did fit right.  We actually had to change the material of the head to accept paint.  To the fans, it isn’t really a noticeable thing, but it makes a big difference.

CC:  Speaking of paint, and shifting gears over to the new line, “War for Cybertron”, I see that there’s a lot of paint deco on them!

JW:  Absolutely.  That’s due in part to coming to events like this, talking to fans.  We received lots of compliments about the Prime Wars trilogy, especially Power of the Primes.  But one thing we kept hearing was “what is up with those labels?”  So we decided to set a high bar with the new trilogy.  Certain characters had to be a certain height. Starting a new trilogy, we decided to make sure everyone was the right height, so that they were in scale with each other.  Part of that was also removing the internal gimmicks, like the head masters, moving over to the combat weapon system allowed us to keep the characters more “authentic” to their original representations.

CC:  I notice there is an INSANE level of detailing on them!

JW:  Exactly!  So instead of using the labels, we replaced those flat surface with a religious amount of detail (Laughter)!  I’m sure that Takara Tomy was ready to kill me, but I kept going back to them to add more detailing.  If you look at Chromia’s vehicle mode, there’s just so much detail.  Part of that was the fact that we wanted to add more gritty details, and we used our deco ops differently, which gives the appearance of a more highly decoed figure.  Plus because of the grittiness of war, we adding some of these battle damage effects and weathering effects to the figures, just so that it can start to capture a different feeling and tone with this line.

CC:  Are there scratches and battle damaged sculpted into the figures themselves, or is it all paint?

JW:  It’s all paint.

CC:  Fantastic, that’s something the fan base has been asking.

JW:  No, it’s all paint, and in most cases it’s on the robot mode only.  We tried to do it in a way that’s subtle and not overpowering at all.  We’re also doing different things with the deco. For example, Sideswipe, all of his components are molded in red, but then also painted in red.  We wanted to make the finish look like an actual car. Oftentimes when you mold something, and then paint something, the colors can look different.  I mean, it’s a toy at the end of the day, and you may have to do that, but I’ve learned a lot from working on the masterpiece line working with Takara Tomy.  When you take the time to do things a certain way up front, you can achieve different results without costing any more money. It just requires a little more work up front.

CC:  I can’t tell you what a relief that is, some of the labels on my new Transformers are already peeling up!  Honestly, I think that the Power of the Primes figures were some of the best Transformers ever made.  That Optimus Prime is the definitive version, for me.  I bought two of them, he’s brilliant.  If I have one criticism, it’s that those ankles drive me INSANE!

JW:  (Laughter) OK!

CC:  At any point, did anyone think of putting ratchets, or something to keep him standing?  A stiff breeze and he’s going down.

JW:  That guy was a miracle that we were able to get so much into that figure.  He’s got a cab that turns into an Orion Pax, who then turns into a torso of a bigger robot, and the trailer that can convert into legs, there’s a lot going on with that toy, with the resources we were given.  Obviously, it’s an understandable criticism, it’s just a constant struggle when designing these toys.  With War for Cybertron, we are starting over with a brand-new trilogy.  We always compare to, if I’m a toy collector, I’m going to have my Prime Wars trilogy shelf, and I’m going to have a War for Cybertron shelf.  It’s not going to be in scale with each other.  The War for Cybertron stuff has a different philosophy.  When we started this two years ago, in its infancy, we met with Takara.  We had some great meetings in Tokyo, and they came here for some, and we all got on the same page philosophically.  We talked about everything the fans talked about.  We put everything out on the table.  We’re listening.  We’re trying to make it so we are continually trying to push the brand forward, even while we are looking backwards at other characters, if that makes sense.

CC:  It makes perfect sense.  I think it shows exactly what you’re saying.  I DO love the new scale, and I have two questions about that; are there going to be leader class figures in War for Cybertron?

JW:  There are, Ultra Magnus is on display now!

CC:  OK, so he’s leader class?

JW:  I think what’s exciting about the leader class is it’s also a weaponinzing system, but because it’s War for Cybertron, and it’s about trying to do the best versions of the characters, Like Counterpunch, even though he’s in Power of the Primes, that’s the best version of Counterpunch ever done. We’re trying to make the best version. The same philosophy happened with Ultra Magnus.  The front cab turns into the white Magnus/Optimus robot, and the trailer turns into pieces of his armor, and throughout leader class you’re going to see that manifest in different ways, while still keeping the scale accurate.

CC:  My second question is where are the Decepticons?

JW:  We’re only showing Autobots here.  The Decepticons are on their way, they’re hiding, so we’re only showing the Autobots here today.

CC:  OK, fair enough!  Ultra Magnus looks very Robot in Disguise inspired.

JW:  The vehicle mode sure does!  That’s because he’s on Cybertron.  We didn’t want to make all of the vehicle modes looks like slab-front hovercrafts, we wanted to make sure that we have different form factors on shelf. Being able to access the RID vehicle mode for that guy was an easy choice for us, because that’s a very beloved and underrated vehicle mode.  It’s brilliant.  There’s a lot of stuff from the 200’s, like Armada, that’s just brilliant.  Sure it’s G1 inspired, but there’s all sort of easter eggs from all generations spread throughout the line.  Case in Point, I was just reading on a message board about how “Jon Warden is a big G1 fan”.  Well, I grew up with G1!

CC:  Is that supposed to be criticism, like that’s a bad thing?!?!

JW:  Right?  But I think what’s exciting working on a brand like Transformers, is that you get to do what you want to do, being able to listen to all of the voices that are out there, and we’re all Transformers fans, not just G1 fans. G1, Beast Wars, Armada…

CC:  I’m one of those who LOVED Armada!  And you and I talk about this every year, so this year wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t make my pitch for Big Convoy!

JW:  Heck yeah!!!

CC:  I really want an updated Big Convoy!

JW:  He’s great, he’s amazing, and a favorite of mine.

CC:  Optimus Primal is still coming, correct?

JW:  He’s definitely still coming, but he’s at retail, so we wanted to make room for all of the new stuff, and there’s the exclusive here for sale.

CC:  One last question; with the demise of Toys R Us, will I still be able to find Titan Class at retail?  Will there be any more titan class figures?

JW:  Stay tuned!  It’s a little too early to talk about some of that.  There’s opportunities for fans to get the figures they’re looking for, like Counterpunch on Amazon.

CC:  Jon, thank you so much for all of your time again this year.

              SDCC 2018 Transformers Interview with Transformers Brand Manager Jon Warden! Hey Folks, Captain Collector, reporting for duty!  Every Year at Comic-Con International, I've given the privilege of interviewing the Brand Manager of my favorite toy line, Transformers!  

[theprimaldesire]

Life is short.  Sometimes we need to fight, and sometimes we need to run.  So what does that all have to do with #BCwildfires, How to Watch Game of Thrones, & GoT Pork Pie Recipe?  Read on…

My Family and the #BCwildfires

Last week a large forest fire began which is threatening my hometown.  After a few days of erratic and violent winds to help the fire pick up and spread, the community in the Interior of BC was evacuated.  Thankfully my parents are fine, and they were already prepared for evacuation, which is good because with it came time to evacuate the town, residents were given under 30 minutes to pack and go!

It was a stressful weekend, and while that was going on my sister (Devi), bro-in-law (Sam), and nephews were visiting.  They too needed to navigate their way around multiple closed highways in order to return to their home, north of the fires.  Devi, Sam, and myself enjoy apocalyptic/natural disaster stories and movies, and like to play the “What would you do if…?” game.  Most often this is in the form of a zombie apocalypse scenario, but you get the idea.

In fact, recently I listened to a couple podcasts that had me re-evaluating the places that I would want to be during different events.  Fault Lines is about survival of an earthquake, “the Big One” which is supposed to destroy the West Coast, not just during the quake, but hours, days, weeks, and months after the quake.  2050: Degrees of Change is about what life could look like in 2050 due to climate change.  Both podcasts delve into aspects that other similar features do not.  They make you realize how ill prepared you are, and force you to look at aspects of life that you might just chalk up to “future-me’s problems”.

So it goes without saying that there was a lot of discussion about strategies, where to go, when to go, what to bring, what dangers or frustrations may popup (such as power outages, vehicle gas-shortages, grocery shortages, and other drivers making scary decisions or putting other people in danger around them during the evacuation), how to get help, how long will people be affected, what happens if the roads to the east are closed as well (now that fire has closed the highways to the north and south of them), the flow of information and those who rely on social media for their “facts” (“Why isn’t the news saying anything about the road closure at Little Fort?”), and everything else.  You get the picture.

Days leading up to the evacuation we were trying to convince Mom & Dad to head to friends in Vancouver, well out of the fire areas.  I still don’t know why they didn’t go there, or why they waited so long to leave.

Well, they are all safe at my sister’s place at the moment.  But it makes me wonder, do you have an escape plan?  Do you know what you would take?  What would you take??  Would you be ready to go within 20-30 minutes of being told that you have to leave, maybe never to see your stuff again?  Obviously some of these answers are going to be different if you’re facing a zombie apocalypse vs. a British Columbia wildfire, where you are when things go south, what season you’re in, etc.  But have you prepared at all?  Camping supplies in your car with an emergency kit?  Solar battery for your phone/light/radio?  Food and water?

Game of Thrones – Season 7

The seventh season of the TV series Game of Thrones is set to premiere on HBO on July 16, 2017, and conclude six weeks later.  This is one of the few series that I like to watch as it airs.  Remember?  Like when we were kids, waiting each week for the next episode.  Not like most of my marathon sessions of shows where I knock out a season in a day or two.  The other series, of course, is the Walking Dead (I told you I like apocalyptic shows!).

The problem is of course that not everyone has HBO!  Grrrrrrrr!!!!

The solution?

How to Watch Game of Thrones – 5 Ways

1)  You find someone who has HBO and is a fan, befriend them, and get the all-important invitation to come over for dinner and a show for the next 7 Sundays (thanks for the last few years Andrew!).

2)  You avoid everyone who has watched the show long enough to download some pirated version, watch it as soon as possible, and then return to circulation now that you’re safe from spoilers.

3)  You spend the money to upgrade your cable package for the next couple months.  This option allows you to then find some poor sap who will then suck up to you and cook you dinner every Sunday for the next couple months (you’re welcome Andrew!).

4)  Pretend that you have better things to do with your life and that you can wait a few years for the series to come out in box sets of some technology that you hopefully have.  There are obvious problems with this solution:  everyone knows that you actually didn’t have better things to do, nobody will be around to share in the moments with you, and, depending on the social circle you’re in, you are now culturally irrelevant (don’t worry, it’s not the worst thing to not know some cultural references.  Unless you’re one of those people who have never seen the original Star Wars movies.  Seriously.  You can’t trust those people.  It’s like they’re not even part of the same reality as the rest of us…).

5)  This may actually be the best option.  And strangely, I just discovered it.  You can watch the new season of Game of Thrones with HBO on Amazon Channels!!!  (Bad news: This is not available in Canada, so please look at the previous options.)

The opening to the Game of Thrones Season 7 trailer makes me think of the forest fires surrounding my parents….

GoT Pork Pie Recipe

Since it starts this weekend, and since I have a Night King mask, it seemed only fitting to make a GoT Pork Pie recipe.  There are a number of websites about Game of Thrones food, btw.  A lot of which is quite paleo/primal (check out the Basic Foodstuffs on this GoT Wiki).

The Inn at the Crossroads has a number of recipe based on George RR Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice books (GoT).  They even have a recipe book (print and ebook).  My GoT Pork Pie recipe is inspired by their “Lord Manderly’s Pie”, though with the crust of our own Beef Thai Pie, and our own seasoning.

I can’t wait for Game of Thrones season 7 this Sunday!  It’s gonna be epic!  I’ll be honest, while preparing the GoT Pork Pie recipe, I got through all of season 6 again (yeah, writing this one took a while!).

[simple-recipe]

#BCwildfires, How to Watch Game of Thrones, & GoT Pork Pie - educating, entertaining & delicious! wp.me/p4Aygm-2BK Life is short.  Sometimes we need to fight, and sometimes we need to run.  So what does that all have to do with #BCwildfires, How to Watch Game of Thrones, & GoT Pork Pie Recipe? 

[thethursdaythree-blog]

March 16, 2017 • Lost

The podcasts were queued. The Contigo was full. The windows were down, and the destination was loaded into Apple Maps. The cotton-like cumulus clouds were picture-perfect against the bold blue sky. It even smelled like sunshine. It was the perfect day for a road trip.

I set off to visit my friend who lived a few hours away, and the drive was just as I had planned, well, until the final turn. As I drove down a winding country road with a cornfield on one side and a cornfield on the other – and nothing else – Siri proudly proclaimed, "Arrived."

I slowed the car to a crawl, and the crawl slowed to a stop. I looked again to my left and my right. Closed my eyes. Rubbed them. Opened them again. Looked again. Corn. Nothing but corn as far as the eye could see. Arrived, indeed – or something.

I was lost.

Siri told me I had arrived, but my elevated heart rate told me otherwise. It said, "You're vulnerable and panicky, and you have no control over the situation, and you're probably going to die." Where were Rand and McNally when I needed them?

Whether driving or in a dead end job or on that never ending quest for meaning and vitality, getting lost can be disorienting and disheartening. Sometimes you know exactly where you are. Other times you end up the middle of nowhere – surrounded by corn – with no idea what to do next.

But here's the thing: If you don't get a little lost, you can't be found. So today's Thursday Three is about getting lost.

"Flight 815" – a 42-second sketch by Jennifer Moxley

+ The Stranger in the Woods

It's rare for me to get lost in a book. I can't remember the last time I finished one in less than 24 hours, but that's exactly what happened this weekend with Michael Finkel's The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit (Amazon, public library). It just released last week and tells the (true) story of Christopher Knight who, at age 20, left his home and vanished into the woods of Maine where he lived alone for 27 years. In that span, Knight said only one word aloud ("Hi"), went completely without human touch, and stole everything he needed from nearby vacationers, covering his tracks so he wouldn't be found.

It's a captivating story, well worth a read (or a listen), but if time is tight, this recent article from The Atlantic tells the story well.

Though the "stranger" in the title is Knight, one closes the book with the sense that Knight, like all seers, is the only sane person in a world gone insane – that modern civilization has made us strangers to ourselves.

If you want a little more before diving in, Finkel used this feature piece from GQ as the starting point for his book. It amounts to an extensive excerpt – complete with a diagram of Knight's camp in the woods. I wouldn't last two days out there.

+ Flow

I've listened to the podcast, Good Job, Brain!, for years. It's one of my favorites. Each week, four trivia nerds sit around a table with microphones, quizzing each other and sharing their most recent trivia discoveries – all in an effort to train for their next pub trivia night. It's a lot of fun.

In their most recent episode, co-host Dana describes the psychological concept of "flow." Flow is essentially "being in the zone." It's getting lost in what you're doing. It's that near-transcendent state where time seems to stop because you're firing on all cylinders, utilizing your talents, and working to overcome a surmountable challenge. "Flow" was named by psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi and, he maintains, it's the secret to happiness.

In his study, Csíkszentmihályi interviewed creatives, CEOs, athletes, and others. He found that when their hard work was enjoyable – when they were enjoying the constant challenge of their work, getting lost in it – their priorities shifted. They cared less about ambition and less about financial success because the challenge of the work was satisfying in and of itself.

I don't know that I would go so far as to say it's the secret to happiness. I think there's more to it and we're often talking about different things when we talk about happiness. Still, the concept of flow is certainly intriguing. It's something I've experienced myself a handful of times – I just didn't know there was a name for it.

Click here to watch Csíkszentmihályi's 2004 TED Talk on flow. (Or just read the transcript. Might be easier.) There's also a book if you're so inclined (Amazon, public library). And if you want to learn more about Good Job, Brain!, subscribe in your favorite podcast app or follow them on Twitter here.

+ Maps

For Christians around the world, it's the season of Lent – a time to clear out the cobwebs of our souls and clean out the junk drawers of our hearts as we prepare for Easter. It's common in this season to give something up or take on a discipline as part of that work. This Lent, I've been working through Malcolm Guite's excellent anthology, The Word in the Wilderness (Amazon, public library). In it, Guite offers a poem a day for Lent and Easter – some contemporary and some classic. And after each poem, he shares a reflection about the piece. The book has been a meaningful companion along the journey, and Holly Ordway's sonnet from last Thursday is especially fitting for today.

Antique maps, with curlicues of ink As borders, framing what we know, like pages From a book of travelers' tales: look, Here in the margin, tiny ships at sail. No-nonsense maps from family trips: each state Traced out in color-coded numbered highways, A web of roads with labeled city-dots Punctuating the route and its slow stories. Now GPS puts me right at the center, A Ptolemaic shift in my perspective. Pinned where I am, right now, somewhere, I turn And turn to orient myself. I have Directions calculated, maps at hand: Hopelessly lost till I look up at last.

BIG DEAL ALERT: The Thursday Three turns one tomorrow! I sent the first Thursday Three to three people on St. Patrick's Day last year. It's come a long way, and if you've had any part in reading, writing, podcasting, sketching, mixtaping, sharing, inspiring, encouraging, replying, or subscribing, THANK YOU.

Thank you for helping to make this year so special. I couldn't have done it without you. And, hey, if you want to give the Thursday Three another year, consider forwarding it to your friends or use the share, tweet, and forward buttons below. I'm grateful. Until next Thursday, don't be a stranger.

Peace,

Brent