#re: stories. i just want to say. shut up about murder house already omg

[otterandterrier]

The thing about AHS is that the promos are the most fucked up shit you'll ever see and have put me off watching most of it. but then you watch it and it's like. yeah okay, fucked up, but in a mostly regular horror way.

[madsdefencesquad]

another kevison fanfic none of you asked for (also on ao3):

[Thread] Who's the nicest celeb you've met in real life?

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Kevin Pearson. Was an extra for one of his movies and couldn’t be any nicer. Chatted with us even though technically you weren’t supposed to. He joked around a lot and showed us pics of his family. Real top bloke.

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I met this guy once on vacation in Italy. We were at a table next to him and my newborn was screaming bloody murder, mom was in the bathroom. Couldn’t quite calm my son and I was getting real embarrassed with the loud noise. Some of the waiters came over to their table to ask if they wanted to move but Kevin shut them down immediately. Actually got a bit cross that they even suggested it. His wife suggested to rock my baby on the side to make him stop and he did! She knows a few tricks having twins and stuff. Also shared that joy/misery thing of being first time parents. Anyway, they left first (they got there earlier) and we learned after that they paid for our meals too. Couldn’t believe it.

replied: Wow. That’s the so fucking nice of them.

replied: Yeah made my wife cry haha

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I’ve heard only good things about him too! My mom lives in Philly and his brother was running for city council a few years back and he was there and took photos with all the Korean mamas including my own and my grandma! apparently he smells really expensive :P

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Didn’t know that I was fully chatting up his wife at Starbucks until I saw a pic of them at the premiere for one of his movies. I’d be embarrassed by my god she was fantastic! 10/10 would’ve gone for it if I wasnt such a potato

replied: And wasn’t married.

replied: That too

-

My daughter was an extra on one of his movies and says he’s the nicest guy and “such a dad” lol! And her dad’s a real “dad” dad so for her to say that about a famous actor is funny

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I used to teach his kids in my kindergarten class. Daughter’s wicked smart. I can tell you all the mothers would have a fit every time he’d come by to pick them up and if it’s not his wife or them together, it’s him. Very hands on. I’d say that counts for nice.

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Rocked out to a Lady Gaga show with him and his wife in Vegas. His wife and I are practically best friends now! We’re on first name basis ;)

replied: Sounds fun! What were they there for if you don’t mind me asking? Coz isn’t he like sober now?

replied to a reply: I think it was for a niece’s birthday or something? Couldn’t remember, was pretty wild night :P And I didn’t see any drinks.Even his wife wasn’t drinking I think? They were literally there to enjoy Gaga like the rest of us

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I love hearing stories about him like this because it always looks like he’s such a pretentious pretty boy jerk especially back in the day

replied: Getting your life sorted can change a man

replied to a reply: Yeah he’s pretty mellowed out since getting sober. He’s had that DUI and rehab stint but now he’s a real family man and seems to love his wife very much. Good for him.

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Doesn’t he remind you of George Clooney? Got married late and had boy girl twins and is loving life!

replied: True!!

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Not sure if everybody knows but his wife Madison is pretty big in the interior design space especially coz she like pretty much runs their fam construction business. I follow her on Insta and I know everyone has a crush on Kevin but I’d pick her over him any day!

replied: OMG YES SAME! She puts together these amazing DIY palettes and I’m obsessed! I’d also pick her over him any day even just to pick her brain

replied to a reply: She also recommends the best books!!!

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My mom’s in the planning side of construction and met his wife in West Chester. She did a presentation and afterwards her and my mom shared parenting tips like they’re in some mom club. Apparently she was the sweetest and her babies are adorable and also Kevin calls a lot lol

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Met him at the airport, wife’s a huge fan of the manny so sucked my gut to ask for a pic. When he found out it’s for the missus, he recorded a special vid saying his iconic line. Missus was over the moon. Real good fella

replied: MANNY SAY WHAAATTTTT

replied: That’s so nice

replied: He did for my mom as well! All the moms love him!

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Kevin Pearson helped re-build my grandparents’ burned down convenience store. Couldn’t thank him enough even if I tried

replied: Wow, that’s real generous. How are the grandparents?

replied to a reply: Thanks! They’re over the moon. They have a house near the area but gran said he’d come by with his kids from time to time. Even if gran didn’t want to, they always insisted to pay for whatever the kids wanted.

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Delivered the cake for his uncle (grandpa’s?) wedding and he gave a seriously generous tip. Oh and his wife packed me pigs in the blanket.

replied: Pigs in the blanket?! What in the middle school

replied: Apparently it was the uncle/grandad’s favorite or something and they double ordered. But who cares free food!

replied to a reply: Did it come with ketchup?

replied to a reply: Hot, wrapped in foil and handful of ketchup packets. I felt like one of the kids

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Not him but his brother who’s like a big shot in politics right now. Real top guy and had the best laugh

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This doesn’t sound real but I’ve bumped into him literally five times over the past year he’ll probably think I’m some stalker. Rarely saw him without his family and once his kid threw a ball at me. He apologised but c’mon you either throw a ball or bounce it no big deal. Besides, that kid has David Beckham’s kids manners. Real like English folk polite it’s insane

replied: That’s always nice to hear that celebrity kids aren’t spoiled brats. We know a few good of them are

replied to a reply: Celebrity kids are different from kid celebrities though

replied to a reply: Didn’t say they were the same? Just saying that for a kid of someone so rich and famous you’d think they’d be a bit more spoiled but they weren’t at all and was beyond respectful and that’s a testament to the parents.

replied to a reply: Agree. I’ve met this particular celebrity’s kids and mind you they’re teens now but god they were just awful and pretentious. Even more than their famous parent which is saying something

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Not him but I did meet that actress that was so embarrassingly flirty around him during the press conference of hat film he did a few years back. She’s a real bitch and so fake and I’m so glad she’s been dropped from the sequel

replied: Oh god yeah I remember her. She was so obnoxious laughing at everything he said like stfu it’s not that funny!!!! The secondhand embarrassment watching her and him being all polite about it *chills*

replied: She’s the worst. No talent

replied to a reply: I was an extra for some scenes in that movie and she was WAY worse and such a diva for someone unknown. Kevin’s a real nice guy though and just let her be. He talks about his wife and kids a lot but she would not take a hint!

replied to a reply: That is just embarrassing

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Alright story time. Was working as a barista at a cafe and it was one of those really shitty days. He came in, ordered and waited and was all nice and took some pics with fans. Anyway, like I said shitty day so I mixed up his coffee order and got him two lattes instead of cappuccinos. Mind you, it was a busy asf day as well and I was the only one making coffees. He comes over and tells me and I apologise but by this time my manager’s already all up on my ass for serving Kevin Pearson incorrectly. He kept apologising to him and berating me till Kevin himself stepped in and told the manager off. But like calmly and stuff like it’s no big deal and people make mistakes whatever and I kid you fucking not he apologised to me too and said I was doing a good job. He probably won’t know how much that meant to me after an already shitty as day but it did. I made sure to make him the best fucking cappuccinos

replied: I’ve met him in irl too and he is this!

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I saw him sitting at a cafe with his daughter. Super nice. Asked him if I could get an autograph for my mom who’s a huge fan. He asked me some questions about her and wrote a really nice autograph, for her. His daughter stuck one of her stickers on there too and my mom loved that even more. I told him where she works (at a grocers) and he went out of his way to shop there the next day and made a point to look for her and chat. Great, great dude

replied: That is so fucking cool man. And your mom must’ve been so happy!

replied to a reply: She was over the moon! She loves his wife too! Apparently she was even chattier than Kevin haha

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Met him at the airport. I was an employee and he had some TSA questions. Genuinely nice and friendly, chatted for about 15min. After he was set, we shook hands, he had his kids say thank you individually with a high five. Adorable. His wife was super nice and friendly too. Very good social interaction, would participate again

[bereaving]

That's true, Bly is definitely more Gothic. When I compare them with each other, I like Bly more based on story, characters and the overall feeling you get while watching 👀 but that's just my personal opinion. Hill House made me a really huge fan of the whole series. It's not just dumb horror it's a well thought through story with so many details and twists, it's perfectly done.  

Haha well he's not as interesting as Jamie so it's easy to forget about him 😉 

To his whole backstory, yeah I mean he had a traumatic childhood and it made him who he is now, but even after episode 7 I had no sympathy for him, like nothing. OJC did portray him perfectly, there's no doubt about it, but just his character and how he treated Rebecca and the kids just made me hate him and there was nothing that could change that. I have to say it was kinda hard for me to hate him because in Hill House, I loved Luke and now seeing him playing the complete opposite of that was definitely interesting 😅 

Everyone was shocked by this scene but I loved it 😂 it was just great how Viola just came and shut him off 

You have, but there's no need to stop saying it 🥰

This scene...oh my 👌 I've watched it so often and it gives me goosebumps every time I watch it again, too. That's such a good shot, the whole atmosphere was perfect. And then Dani, with so much nervousness in her voice, saying this line 🥰 the way Jamie looks at her after it and then the hand holding, makes me realize how much I love them every time 💕 

I mean, yeah, their whole story was perfect, nothing happened without a reason and that's the same with the ending. I can't say I will ever get used to it, I'd have rather liked to see them happy till the end, as cheesy as it sounds, but I just don't get the reason behind of destroying a good relationship in the most cruel way possible. And I also know that it kinda had to end like this but it caused so much struggle for me, I was so sad after watching it, I felt so empty and I know it's just a show but I was heartbroken at the end. Like really heartbroken, and even after watching it a few times I have to prepare myself for the end cause it destroys me every time. But yeah it caused a much bigger impact, thats for sure.

I can agree to everything you just said in this! And it's true, the show reminds yourself of many things in your own life even if it reminds me of sad things mostly but it's still unusual for a show to have so much impact and thats wonderful 👏 

Haha yeah I get that 😂 I, as I already said, didn't have this "wtf" moment because I knew she would be in this one too 😅 but it changes the whole look you have on the show knowing that she already was playing Nell.  

And I agree on the most fascinating sibling, for me it's also Nell for sure. I loved all of them (except Steve) but Nell was my favorite for sure 

Totally true! I don't like the whole concept of the show which makes it automatically not interesting for me. 

I mean i have seen a few gifs of Victoria here on Tumblr and she looks f*cking cute in it what makes me even hate the concept more cause if it wouldn't be like it is, I could watch Victoria's great acting again 😭 

Haha omg yes! Same here! 😂😍 I would leave everything behind just to be the one helping her out and I wouldn't care about my fear of dogs too! I mean that would be a dream come true tbh 😂 

It’s another long one, anon! :D

We stan one man in Bly and that’s Owen 😄

OJC was jarring for me, too, but by the time I watched Bly, I’d gotten wind that 1). he played Luke and 2). he was supposed to be the gardener but people were like, “it’d be weird seeing the siblings play lovers” so he was cast as Quint instead. So to see him as Luke, it was still a shock, but... a mini one.  It is also worth pointing out that if he had played Jamie... I don’t think I would be this invested in Bly.

His pre-death scene? LOL, I screamed so loud when that happened and almost threw my phone. I had an inkling based on what Rebecca said, but... good christ. It got me.

Re: the ending again Yeah, I mean, I completely understand how it feels. Personally, I can’t really say that I felt differently, particularly after the first watch - I was left empty, too, and so so shattered. Even now, if I have to go back and see clips of the ending, I still get teary-eyed. Some days I would just randomly put on I Shall Believe, or Frank Ocean’s Godspeed, and just... cry. Generally, there’s always going to be that part of us, when we see stories that resonate with us but have sad/tragic endings, that holds up for that bit of hope that they’d defy the odds and conquer whatever it is that life throws at them, That maybe this time as we see them again, they’ll prevail. But... alas.

Re: Nell Crain, this blog is her stan account, and adult Steven can kindly go away. Which, if I’m being honest, I was underwhelmed by Michiel Huisman in Hill House. I mean I saw him in Orphan Black and I remember walking away from the episode where he’s in it thinking, “oh this guy’s good.” And then I see him here and he’s just... there? Everyone made me feel and everyone had that Thing that made me relate to them easier. Not him.

Honestly with Love Quinn... I obviously do not know how batshit crazy she is, but judging from the GIFsets... she’s a chef. I’m studying to be one. Her murdering tendency and derangement aside, I just... want to go to the farmer’s market with her, buy her flowers and/or strawberries or both, and bake pies with her. 

[britishchick09]

sherlock ep 1 a study in pink livewatch

for the first livewatch of 2021 (and the first liverewatch), we’re taking a look at something i saw exactly 4 years ago! now that i’ve written my own sherlock holmes inspired story, the show will be a lot more interesting than it was in 2017 (hopefully). let’s dive right in! :D

this starts out with GUNS WAR SCREAMING DEAD NO

poor john :(

what a bleak flat :(

ooh laptop

i hope sherlock will be able to brighten up his life :)

OMG DAS THE BLOG!!!!

dere he is! :D

john has a therapist just like monk! :D

also he and molly’s dad from ag both have ptsd and the blog is to help cope with that... i wonder if molly’s dad had something similar like a journal (he had knitting which would help john’s shaky hands)

john: “nothing happens to me.” oh really? ;)

cool dramatic intro :D

the wheel is a dan and phil reference! :D

REDRUM ALERT REDRUM ALERTT!!!!!

poor wife :(

aww john is alone in the rain! :(

REDRUM RED RUM!!!!!

ooh blackberry! :D

a lady said ‘ignore the texts’ and that makes sense since ya know THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE LISTENING TO LESTRADE

these other people are cool and all but give me more john plz!!!!

ooh john has a friend before sherlock! :o

why does his friend look like his dad

OH HELLO MR

HE’S SLAPPING SOMETHING AND IT’S THE MOST HILARIOUS THING EVER OMG :D

the lady is super confused too like ‘???’

oh he’s checking for bruises it still funny tho ;D

of course he wants black coffee

the first thing sherlock does is ask john for his phone awww :)

that looks like a ds lol :D

aww sherlock wants to know if john plays violin like him! ^_^

john: “we just met and you want to look at a flat” it’s called true luv bby ♥

also wowza sherlock really wants a friend huh

sherlock just infodumped about john and john’s like ‘:o ???’

THE WINK THE WINK!!!!!

ooh coolio! :D

john is about to go inside baker street when sherlock comes out of a taxi what timing!

did sherlock just say florida

ah yes mrs hudson the number one johnlock shipper

aww she hugged sherlock and john! ♥

dere it is!!!!

my computer randomly shut down here GOSH DARN IT COMPUTER!!

it’s back let’s return to baker street! :D

aww john has a cane :(

john: “very nice indeed!” see sherlock is the light in his life already!

mrs. hudson: “there’s another bed upstairs if you’ll be needing two.” sherlock “of course we’ll be needing two” johnlock shippers be like ;)

mrs. hudson scolded sherlock for his messy flat WE LOVE A MOM!!! ♥

oh yeah sherlock had a website once! rip that :/

i almost expected mrs. hudson to call sherlock ‘lockie’

omg 4 murders? DUN DUN DUNNN!!!! :o

sherlock: “i need an assistant!” aww that’s code for friend! ♥

sherlock just jumped around and said “BRILLIANT!!!” first of all ADORABLE and secondly that’s what my own sherlock would do! (but he says ‘smashing!’)

he’s so excited about the murders wtf :’)

sherlock: “it’s christmas!” lol

aaand he’s gone

mrs. hudson said ‘cuppa’ that’s british slang for coffee (as seen in my own sherlock story) the more you know ;)

mrs hudson said ‘i’m not your housekeeper’ to sherlock and now john is that gonna be a running joke with her

oh hey lockie’s back

john: “i’ve seen too many deaths.” sherlock: “want to see some more?” john: “oh god, yes.” ...ok wasn’t expecting his ‘oh god’ to sound like that

i think the version in my story (’would you like to see a murder?’ ‘you mean a flock of crows or a gruesome death?’ ‘yes, we meet at the park every thursday- of course i mean a gruesome death!’) is better sorry sherlock :/

sherlock: “there’s finally something fun going on!” indeed there is! :D

sherlock: “the game, mrs. hudson. is on!!” and there’s the tagline for the series! (jk i don’t think it has one of those)

and off they go! (the theme music is really good btw)

why does sherlock’s voice sound a bit stuffed

john: “the police don’t consult amateurs!” BOI

sherlock said ‘mp3 player’ how very 2010 of you

sherlock’s deduction is cool :D (and a bit scary like how do you do these things)

john: “how can you possibly know about the drinking?’ as my holmes character once said, ‘detectives always know’ ;)

john: “that... was amazing.” indeed it was! :D

some chick just called sherlock ‘freak’ WOAH WOAH WOAH SISTER :o

aww sherlock called john a colleague how cute :)

woah anderson is a cranky perfectionist

why are they talking about deodorant

guy: “who is he?” sherlock: “he’s with me” johnlock shippers be like ;) ;)

yo are they in hazmat suits

credit cards how modern

of course kids found her

the lady’s in pink TITLE REFERENCE!! :D

i love how sherlock randomly says ‘shut up’

ooh sherlock’s thought process being shown is cool :D

as are the floating words!

guy: “got anything?” sherlock: “not much” lol :D

OP THERE BE RACHE!! :D (book reference!)

ooh cardiff that’s the cardiff giant

he wants john to examine the body because it’s fun how nice :)

the shade of pink is ‘alarming’ according to sherlock that’s because it’s so dark!

guy: “you’re just making this up!” boi sherlock doesn’t make anything up ;)

john: “that’s fantastic!” sherlock: “shut up” lol :D

sherlock clapped his hands together like maria in sound of music aww ♥

sherlock: “huston, we have a case!” nice one ;)

sherlock: “PIIINK!” panther!

is ‘rache’ really ‘rachel’ tho? ;)

great sherlock took off now john’s all on his own :/

jerk lady: “you’re not his friend. he doesn’t have friends.” he does now ;)

john: “i’m nobody.” no watson you’re... THE LAST SKYWALKER!!!

john and sherlock say ‘taxi!’ the same way awww :)

yo who’s calling john :o

john: “who’s this?” AN AD APPEARED JUST AFTER THAT WHAT TIMING!

is this guy moiarty or mycroft or whoever the villain’s name is in the holmesverse

he’s definitely a villain that voice is so scar!

the lady in the taxi knows john WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE

the car stopping sounds like tardis

the villain guy has a cane too YEP HE’S A BADDIEE!!!i

john: “you could just phone me... on my phone.” lol :D

john said the villain isn’t frightening BOi

villain: “since yesterday, you’ve moved in with him and now you’re solving crimes together. might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?” johnlock shippers be like :D!!!!!

also my watson moved in with holmes three days after they met so things are going super fast for the bbc lads i see! :)

villain: “he does love to be dramatic.” yeah he sure does!

the villain said ‘221′ as the actual number and it sounds weird

villain: “i worry about him constantly” is this sherlock’s bro?

this guy is creepy wtf :(

and he’s using an umbrella as a cane why

the villain and john held hands i bet people ship them

yep this is sherlock’s bro alright they both infodump!

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THIS GUY’S NAME????

he says john misses the war and the ‘oh god yes’ makes perfect sense

yo why does john want to see the taxi lady more SHERLOCK IS IN DESPERATE NEED OF FRIENDSHIP PLZ ♥

yo sherlock has a nicotine patch NO SMOKING

sherlock: “breathing is boring”

he’s lying on the couch with his hands in prayer that’s so sherlock

john: “you brought me here to send a text?” the most 21st century question ever

sherlock about john seeing his enemy: “oh which one?” oh boy...

john: “who is he?” sherlock: “the most dangerous man i’ve ever met” AND HIS NAME IS....???????

sherlock in the text: “i must’ve blacked out...” wtf lockie

aww john called the dead lady ‘the pink lady’

sherlock just hopped up on the chair while holding onto it what a lad

i hope bennedict cumberbatch’s voice isn’t that deep and it’s only because of copyright it’s woah :o

john: “did i just text a murderer?” only in the holmesverse!

sherlock: “you could watch the telly...” OMG MY HOLMES CHARACTER SAID THAT EXACT THING!!! you go subconscious! :D

john: “you get off on this (solving cases)” plz don’t say it like that

wowza it’s so dark outside!

sherlock: “who passes unnoticed?” the cabbie!!

op here’s the diner scene from the sarah z’s tjlc vid!

waiter: “on the house for you and your date!” john: “i’m not his date!” johnlock shippers would like to disagree with you watson ;)

john: “you don’t have a girlfriend, then? do you have a boyfriend? which is fine by the way” OH COME ON

sherlock: “i’m married to my work and am flattered by your interest” OH COME ONNNNN

that lip licking john THAT LIP LICKING

oh boy the queerbaiting was strong with that scene

sherlock: “why a taxi?” cuz the cabbie did it boi!

see i remember things from this ep now!

WOAH SHERLOCK ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR WTF

sherlock and john going through town to get the cabbie with the street signs is something i easily remember from my first time watching. it’s so cool! :D

the music is great too!

sherlock: “this way! ...no, this way!” lol :D

and he almost gets hit by a car again! fun times with lockie :)

yo is the cabbie american

THAT WASN’T THE CABBIE MURDERER LOOLL!!!!!

sherlock pickpockets lestrade when he’s annoyed lol (that’s something my holmes would so do)

sherlock: “ready?” john: “ready when you are!” ♥

awww they’re laughing against the wall! :) ♥♥♥♥

imma be honest when i first saw that in gifs i thought it was a bed o///o

john forgot his cane and was able to run through london SEE SHERLOCK IS THE LIGHT IN HIS LIFE!!!

sherlock has said ‘shut up’ three times now lol :D

WHY IS EVERYONE AT THE FLAT

oh so rachel is a person! :o

onto part 2!

the first 10 seconds of part 1 are in the beginning how nice! :)

sherlock is ‘everyone’s favorite psychopath’

awww rachel was stillborn :(

of course the lady would think of her daughter! sherlock’s right!!

sherlock: “that was ages ago, why would she still be upset?” even after 14 years people can still be upset of a loved one’s death (just ask paul and addie) :(

mrs. hudson: “they’re making a mess!” oh mrs. hudson and her messes :)

sherlock: “SHUT UP, EVERYBODY, SHUT UP! DON’T MOVE. DON’T SPEAK, DON’T BREATHE!” gretchen from bob’s burgers: “GIVE HIM SOME ROOM!”

he’s so happy because the dead lady’s clever!! :D

smartphones, emails, online, gps... how 21st century!

mrs. hudson called sherlock ‘dear’ awww :)

sherlock: “who passes unnoticed wherever they go?” THE CABBIEEEEEE

CABBIE CABBIE CABBIE CABBIEEEE!!!!!!!

sherlock didn’t order the taxi THE CABBIE WANTS TO MURDER HIM AND THUS THE CABBIE MURDERED THEMMM!!!!!!!

SEE I REMEMBER THINGS FROM THIS EP!!!! :D

in my own holmes story the cabbie isn’t the killer IT HAS EVEN MORE OF AN EPIC TWIST!!! (although the cabbie twist is pretty epic too)

THE CABBIE WANTS TO TALK TO SHERLOCK AND KILL HIM OOHHHHHH

then the pills will come in

sherlock’s phone ring is old-fashioned awww :)

the others have given up but john won’t!

the cabbie has been on sherlock’s website IF ONLY I COULD TOO :(

sherlock knows all the streets of london coolio! :D

the cabbie knows of a ‘nice quiet spot for a murder’ while the villain guy said something of a quiet place hmm....

YO DON’T POINT THAT GUN AT SHERLOCK MR CAB MAN >:(

john’s gonna save sherlock!!! :D

sherlock’s in the pill room isn’t he

i remember this they sit down and sherlock has to choose the right pill

AND IT’S A RISK!

of course sherlock will choose the right one! :D

is sherlock’s ‘mortal enemy’ also the ‘fan’ that the cabbie speaks of?

cabbie: “this is... the move.” ;)

john in the taxi brings up an interesting question, do people in apartments not have cars or is it just a london thing?

they’re talking so much JUS TAKE THE PILLS!!!!

it’s good explanation, but that’s why i got out of sherlock in the first place- it’s goes on for so long in some places!

THEY TOOK THE PILLS!

and the cabbie died, his last word being the name of his beloved (just like the lady writing the name of her own before she died)...

sherlock: “what’s this blanket they keep putting this blanket on me-“ john: “it’s for shock.” sherlock: “i’m not in shock!” lol :D

sherlock: “i’m in shock, look i got a blanket!” double lol :D

wait does john not have his cane?? :o

john: “he wasn’t a very nice man.” yeah he wasn’t!!

awww they’re laughing about the cabbie :)

john: “you can’t giggle at a crime scene” ♥

moiarty is the bro!!!!

YEP HE IS!

♥

this was such an amazing first ep and i loved it even more than when i saw it in 2017! i’ll definitely be watching more (maybe in another livewatch wink wink). i guess you can say i’m now... johnlocked ;)

[robertdowneyjjr]

au where jack plays football and bitty’s still a hockey player

in the form of my chat with @brandnewfashion bc honestly i’m way too lazy to reformat this.

(interspersed with random mentions of cornbread and the preds v pens game)

kayytx

anyway so

i was thinking last night before i fall asleep

as i often do

au where jack plays football and bitty plays hockey

brandnewfashion

niiiiiiiiice

kayytx

jack decided to go for football bc he wanted to get away from the whole hockey prodigy thing

brandnewfashion

very nice

kayytx

his plan was to go to some school in canada, maybe western ontario or something, and play a few years in the cfl if he gets drafted

but he ended up getting a scholarship for samwell

bitty's still bitty. same story etc etc

kayytx

and when he and jack meet they HATE EACH OTHER

well no

bitty hates jack

bc he thinks jack is just another dumb football player and he's already had enough bad experiences with those guys in high school thank u very much

brandnewfashion

ok but who on the smh is in hockey and who's on football

kayytx

honestly i didn't think about that part

but i was thinking

bc in this au jack didn't od

so their age difference is only like two years

brandnewfashion

i'm just curious in terms of team dynamics

kayytx

i kinda want the falcs to be the football players

and this is another one of those bitty-doesn't-know-how-hot-he-is au's

jack has the biggest fucking crush on bitty

brandnewfashion

um honey

i'm pretty sure bitty not knowing he's hot is canon

but carry on lmao

kayytx

HAHAHAHAHA

OK TRUE

FAIR ENOUGH

but u get what i'm saying

brandnewfashion

yes

kayytx

like just imagine them meeting in the caf one day and at first bitty's super charmed by jack

but then he sees jack go sit with the football team

and he's like

OH. WELL THEN.

brandnewfashion

LOL

kayytx

MOVING ON.

but from that moment on jack's just smitten

except for some reason since then every time he sees bitty, bitty's just??? super cold??? why??????

he thought they had a pretty good first meeting

and even shittier is

when coach calls, he'd occasionally mention to bitty how he's been keeping up with both the smh and samwell's football team

hazards of the job, you know?

and wow that zimmermann kid looks pretty good this season

bitty's like omg coach please stfu

brandnewfashion

this is really random but i want corn bread :(

kayytx

meanwhile jack's on the phone with bad bob and he's talking about how he MIGHT be taking an interest in hockey again for REASONS

lmfao that's so random

anyway bob knows jack and he's like, "oh pls jack, spit it out, who's the boy"

brandnewfashion

LOL

kayytx

and jack spills and he ends the story with "HE'S SO OUT OF MY LEAGUE??? AND CLEARLY HE KNOWS IT BC HE'S SO COLD, PAPA. SO COLD"

brandnewfashion

YAY HORNQVIST

kayytx

no matter tho, jack starts going to as many hockey games as possible

and he's bitty's biggest puck bunnyu

brandnewfashion

bahahhahaha

kayytx

his whole team teases him for it but they also really want to help him date bitty but bitty's just...so cold....to all of them

and they just don't understand

brandnewfashion

pls tell me rans and holster step in

kayytx

football team: but we aren't the lax bros????

lmfao yes they do

brandnewfashion

NICE

kayytx

holster's been badgering bitty about winter screw bc he really wants his favorite frog to enjoy his first college dance

and eventually bitty lets it slip that he may have a thing for a tall blue eyed football captain but that doesn't matter bc all football dudes are the same and they're the worst and that's why he got the fuck outta georgia in the first place

and rans and holster are at the kitchen table listening to bitty rant and they look at each other like

bro

BRO

BROOOOOOO

rans is friends with jack bc canadians

loopholes and shit

brandnewfashion

he should be science bros with tater or something hahaha

kayytx

HAHAHAH omg that could work

brandnewfashion

and tater's like

"I HAVE FRIEND WHO IS CANADIAN TOO"

kayytx

backstory: ransom and tater were lab partners for a class and they had to do this really dumb experiment with potatoes and genius struck ransom like the canadian scientists he always references and that's how he nicknamed tater

brandnewfashion

LOL

awww fehr's in the sin bin

kayytx

tater: i like this nickname. is much better than "mushy mashy"

ransom: bro u gotta quit the football team they don't respect u

brandnewfashion

bahahhahaha

kayytx

tater: mama always told me to play hockey because am russian. but i wanted to, how you say? be out of the box

brandnewfashion

awwwwwwwww

kayytx

lmfao anyway so ransom like, vaults over several hedges to get to the football house

idk why he won't just use the sidewalks like a normal person but he got excited and his brain stopped functioning properly

brandnewfashion

~dramatic effect

kayytx

and he slams open the door and he's like

ZIMMERMANN IS MY FAVORITE FROG ERIC BITTY BITS BITTLE THE GUY YOU'RE ALWAYS YAMMERING ON ABOUT BC BOY DO I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU

jack isn't even there

brandnewfashion

the nashville coach looks like he could be in the mafia

kayytx

he's in class. wtf ransom

brandnewfashion

lololol

kayytx

snowy pokes his head out from the living room and he's like, dude can u like, text him or something

brandnewfashion

but that'd be too easy

kayytx

ransom just goes up to jack's room to wait and somehow he finds a stuffed cat toy??? somewhere?? and puts it on his lap so he could stroke it for dramatic effect

jack comes home

brandnewfashion

maybe it's poots'

HORNQVIST!!!

lmao the commentator: "class horny goal"

that sounds so wrong

kayytx

rans: zimmermann. you come into my house, on the day my daughter is to be married, and you ask me to do murder for money jack: what the fuck justin

rans: idk man, holster texted this to me and told me to say it. anyway, we're setting you up for winter screw

so holster convinces bitty they've found someone perfect for him and he really shouldn't worry about it bc they

're bros and they only want whats best for him

ransom helps jack like, not be such an awkward weirdo

and gives jack the rundown on the Secret to Bitty's Heart Playbook he was compiling on the dl

(it's a spreadsheet obvi)

so the day of winter screw comes and bitty's nervous but he's all dressed up bc he's not gonna let something as stupid as nerves get in the way of him looking fab

brandnewfashion

oh my god??? sid just... idk what the fuck he just did but it was hot

kayytx

and jack shows up on the door with a bouquet of flours and a crate of cherries in the shape of a heart

brandnewfashion

dork

kayytx

umm the minute there's a gif or a video of that sid moment pls send it to me

BITTY MELTS but he needs to put up an act bc he's not gonna be all gushy RIGHT AWAY

so he """"grudgingly"" goes to winter screw with jack

but they have a ridiculously good time

and bitty's like, oh no he's NICE

jack walks bitty home afterwards and kisses him on the cheek bc he's a dweeb and they make plans to go to annies the next day

THEN THEY START DATING

brandnewfashion

omg omg

can bitty do that thing

jack kisses him on the cheek and bitty's like

"you missed"

kayytx

HAHA YES

but bitty's a lil shit so he makes jack wait until the next day

"guess you'll have to try harder tomorrow ;);)"

brandnewfashion

HA

get it bits

kayytx

jack dies

jack loves dying and being dead

brandnewfashion

oh gosh

and when they go home for winter break they cannot shut up about the each other

and their parents are like

"look we're really happy for u but u need to tone it down for the love of god"

kayytx

lmfaaoooo

except bob

bob is like

TELL ME MOAR

jack: pls never come to another parents weekend again and maybe not even my graduation oh my god u are so embarrassing

brandnewfashion

lmao parents weekend is gonna be such a shit show

bob and suzanne are gonna be trading stories all night and jack and bitty are gonna be holding onto each other for dear life in the corner, chugging their beers so they go away

long story short, jack and bitty eventually get together and bob and suzanne are both MENACES and the most embarrassing parents bc they just love their kids so much

**note: when i said “their age difference is only two years” i don’t mean bc jack didn’t OD they have a smaller age difference lol i meant in this au jack didn’t OD and their age difference is smaller lol sorry for the confusion but when i’m rambling on chat i don’t really pay attention to conjunctions and grammar and spelling and shit.