#ray has logged in (ic)

[orangetintedglasses]

... then that picture of the three of them is long gone, too.

He's... just gonna go to sleep.

[sentient-rift]

Mary, I suggest you go in for the kiss towards Enzan. I suggest the same for your respective netnavi, she is frightening Protoman more than any opponent he has ever faced. I might suggest wearing that dress that Ring was referring to earlier or maybe ask to wear Maylu's businesswoman style dress to allure your sweet tsundere sword-swinging saviour (say that 10 times fast) before any other girl does before you.

"W-w-why must you always suggest I kiss him?!"

"That's Super Sentai Fan for you. When it comes to his ships, he doesn't seem to give up on hooking them together and giving love advice. Isn't that right, Solo?"

"Yes... Unfortunately..."

"And who would be dumb enough to try to steal my Protoman away from me?! I'll show them a world of pain if they come anywhere near my beloved prince!

"But I do like that kiss idea. Maybe Protoman will finally be honest about his feelings for me that way. Oh, Protoman!❤"

"WHEN WILL YOU GIVE IT A REST ALREADY?!?!"

*Protoman flees.*

"I'LL NEVER GIVE UP UNTIL YOU FINALLY ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME!! WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, AND YOU KNOW IT!! NOW, GET BACK HERE AND KISS ME, YOU FOOL!!"

*Ring gives chase!*

"Great... I think you've made it worse, S.S. Fan..."

"Tsundere Sword Swinging Savior, Tsundere Sword Swinging Savior, Tsundere Sword Slinging... Wow, it is hard to say ten times fast, blip..."

[operationslipperypuppet]

Home is Where the Hearth Is - Emily Axford (2024)

they made a pact. they broke the pact. they spent tens of thousands of years alone. and now, perhaps, they can start to be whole again.

image description under the cut:

[ID: two images that are show comic panels.

the first image is 16 comic panels showing words and drawings to correlate with the words.

from left to right, top to bottom, they are:

1: a light green background with the words "they say the" and then a gold circle with a cross stitch inside it, with the words "home is where the hearth is" stitched in, with a roof above "home" and a fireplace between the i and s of "is".

2: a light yellow panel showing a gold dragon breathing fire and a large yellow divine heart with blue and green veins with a humanoid with yellow hair, yellow skin, green pants, a brown tunic, and brown boots, (Telaine, the gold dragon) reaching out to touch it. there is a green and gold overlay to both so they appear to be glowing. the words over it say "and fire heals the soul".

3: a light blue panel with darker blue footprints moving through the panel, as though walking through snow. the words read "but you've been trudging through the cold".

4: a wintry scene with a humanoid in a green cloak with yellow pants and green, leaf-covered boots (Melora), cloak blowing in the wind. the sky is gray and the ground in front of her shows a blue patch of ice. blue snow overlays the entire scene. the words read "you have been traveling through ice and snow".

5: a light green panel showing a teal pocket watch and a green arrow with green, yellow, and blue feathers. the words read "'cause time isn't an arrow".

6: a light blue panel with a dark blue man, Aryox, with his chin tilted upwards, a blue knife pointing at his throat, lifting his chin upwards. the blue knife is inscribed with runes. the words read “it’s a dagger at your throat”.

7: a light blue panel showing two figures, frozen statues, one teal (Aryox) and one a different shade of light blue (Raedak). Raedak’s arms are extended and he is holding a sword, which has intercepted Aryox’s head. Aryox’s elbows are bent and shards of ice, the same color as him, extend into Raedak. the words read “and you are numb from head to toe”.

8: a light yellow panel showing a gray divine heart with golden veins. three hands; one blue, one green, and one yellow, extend toward the heart, as though to take it. the words read “and all your blood has turned to stone”.

9: a light green panel showing a log cabin with one side blue, one side green, a yellow roof with a green chimney, and a green window and door. below it is a green hand reaching out to the right as though to take another hand that is not there. the words read “so come home to me”.

10: a light green panel with a small fire on two logs and a purple and white tea pot with leaves as part of its design and steam coming out of the spout. the words read “the fire’s warm and I am making tea”.

11: a light green panel showing an image of the sun with an orange center and yellow rays surrounding it and a cream yellow crescent moon below it, surrounded by stars. the words read “the day has turned to night”.

12: a light blue panel showing a blue hand turned downward and blueish gray snowflakes extending down from the hand. below it is a smaller image of the frozen statues from panel 7, one teal (Aryox) and one a different shade of light blue (Raedak). Raedak’s arms are extended and he is holding a sword, which has intercepted Aryox’s head. Aryox’s elbows are bent and shards of ice, the same color as him, extend into Raedak. the words read “and all the snow has hardened into ice”.

13: a light green panel with an image of a pair of green boots with leaves drawn into them that have green laces, the boots Melora is wearing in panel 4. the toes and bottoms of the boots are speckled with light blue water stains. the words read “your boots are stained with slush”.

14: an outdoor scene with Melora, clad in her green cloak and green boots which are blowing in the wind approaching a light blue cave with a different blue interior. in front of the mouth of the cave is a light blue arctic fox, Lumi, who is glowing with a blue aura. the wall of the cave immediately inside of it is carved with an image of a gray divine heart with golden veins. three hands; one blue, one green, and one yellow, extend toward the heart, as though to take it, from panel 8. the sky is a grayish blue and snow overlays the entire image. the words read “and the northern winds ain’t letting up”.

15: a light yellow panel showing an image of an intricate gold cloak with a hood and many shades of yellow to create shadows and an intricate pattern. the words read “and your best coat can’t compete”.

16: a light green panel with a wooden window showing a purple night sky with the cream yellow crescent moon and stars from panel 11. in the foreground is a dark wooden table with two pairs of arms and hands on it, one pair is yellow and the other pair is green. the arms are resting on the table and the people are holding hands. the words read “with an evening in good company”.

the second image is 15 comic panels showing words and drawings to correlate with the words.

from left to right, top to bottom, they are:

1: a light blue image showing the teal head and torso of the frozen statue of Aryox from panel 7 of the above image. halfway down the torso, the color changes to the dark blue color he is in panel 6 of the above image (when he was alive). the dark blue is giving way to the teal. the words read “frozen half to death”.

2: a light blue panel showing an image of a pink bowl of hot soup on a matching pink plate with a spoon resting on the plate. the broth in the bowl is tan and has green onions floating on its surface. there is gray steam coming out of the bowl. below it is an image of a bed with a brown wooden frame. the made is made with purple sheets and pillows under a royal blue blanket. the words read “you need a hot meal and your bed”.

3: a light blue panel showing an image of a cushioned purple armchair. draped over the chair is a flannel blanket, the majority of which is yellow but has dark blue vertical stripes and dark green horizontal stripes. there is a fringe at the edge of the blanket that is alternating with the blue, green, and yellow of the rest of the blanket. the words read “you need a blanket and some rest”.

4: a light blue panel showing an image of a small purple teacup with brown liquid inside and steam coming off the top. there is a lemon wedge on the rim of the cup. below it is an image of a piece of brown bread with a layer yellow butter covering its surface. the words read “you need a toddy and some buttered bread”.

5: a panel that is twice the size of the other panels, separated into three triangles by gray lines. the left triangle shows a gold dragon flying upwards with its mouth open with a light green background. the center and largest triangle shows a temple with dark and light green stones constructing it, and large columns at the front. the top of the temple has a craving of a wavelike swirl at the center, the symbol of the goddess Melora. the right triangle shows a gray divine heart with golden veins. three hands; one blue, one green, and one yellow, extend toward the heart, as though to take it, the image from panel 8 of the above image, on a blue background like the cave wall in panel 14 of the above image. there are a pair of blue hands in front of it, holding a chisel and mallet, carving that image into the cave wall. the words across the top of the three triangles read “wear the mantle like an albatross” and across the bottom read “and never take it off”.

6: a light blue panel showing an image of the teal torso and head the frozen statue of Aryox from panel 7 of the above image, with the light blue sword of Raedak overlaying his head, as it does in the statue. the words read “you let yourself grow numb”.

7: a light blue panel showing a green hand reaching out to the back of the frozen teal statue of Aryox from panel 7 of the above image. between the statue are layers of blue and purple energy, keeping the hand away from being able to touch the statue. the words read “‘cause you’re too proud to need someone”.

8: a light yellow panel showing a log cabin with one side blue, one side green, a yellow roof with a green chimney, and a green window and door. below it is a yellow hand reaching out to the right as though to take another hand that is not there. the words read “so come home to me”.

9: a light yellow panel with a small fire on two logs and a purple and white tea pot with leaves as part of its design and steam coming out of the spout. the words read “the fire’s warm and I am making tea”.

10: a light yellow panel showing an image of the sun with an orange center and yellow rays surrounding it and a cream yellow crescent moon below it, surrounded by stars. the words read “the day has turned to night”.

11: a light blue panel showing a blue hand turned downward and blueish gray snowflakes extending down from the hand. below it is a smaller image of the frozen statues from panel 7 of the above image, one teal (Aryox) and one a different shade of light blue (Raedak). Raedak’s arms are extended and he is holding a sword, which has intercepted Aryox’s head. Aryox’s elbows are bent and shards of ice, the same color as him, extend into Raedak. the words read “and all the snow has hardened into ice”.

12: an image showing the blue cave wall with an icy blue floor and the feet and legs teal statue of Aryox. there is an additional layer of blue ice overlaying the feet of the statue. the words read “the cold has got its claws in you”.

13: an outdoor scene of two figures walking together through the snow up a light blue hill. on the left is Melora, in her green cloak, green boots, and yellow pants, braid peeking out from the cloak which is blowing with the wind. to her right is Telaine, with a golden yellow cloak, brown boots, and light blue pants. the sky is a slightly darker blue than the ground. snow overlays the scene. the words read “oh, the weather she can be so cruel”.

14: a light blue panel showing the torso of the teal frozen statue of Aryox. on the part of his leg that is visible is a pair of snowdrops, white bell shaped flowers drooping off of green stems. at his back are two hands, a yellow one above a green one, both of which are touching him. dark blue emanates from both hands, spreading throughout the rest of him in concentric circles. the words read “but home is where the healing starts”.

15: a light yellow panel with an image of 4 arms and hands, one yellow and one green each holding the hands of the two blue arms, as though to guide them somewhere. below that is an image of a fireplace, with brick walls, a stone border, and wooden mantle and baseboards. there is a fire at the center with two logs, the same one from panel 9 of this image. the words read “so come in from the dark and find the hearth”. /end ID]

[the-bus-called-graveyard-8]

can you show your entire madagascar collection?? sorry if you already showed it 😭

Sorry to sit on this ask for so long anon!! But I've finally sat down and photographed everything I've got! Turns out, there was a lot. So without further ado:

Long, picture-heavy post ahead. Image descriptions in the post body. Click for better image quality.

DVDs & DVD extras

Madagascar 1-3 + Penguins of Madagascar

Merry Madagascar, Party with the Penguins, and Madly Madagascar

The Penguins of Madagascar, Operation: DVD Premiere, New to the Zoo, Happy King Julien Day, Operation: Get Ducky, Operation: Blowhole, and Operation: Special Delivery

Operation: Video Fun (cereal box prize! It has two episodes on it, off the top of my head I want to say they were "What Goes Around" and "Snakehead!") and Operation: Search and Rescue (redbox ebay buy, I think it has six or eight season two episodes)

Marty's Rainbow Wig (Mada3 bonus)

2 Poppin' Penguins wind up toys (PoM Blu-ray bonus)

Video Games

Mada1 for GameCube, Mada2, Mada3, PoM and Madagascar Kartz for Wii, TPoM, TPoM: Dr. Blowhole Returns Again and Madagascar Kartz for NintendoDS, and Operation: Penguin for GameBoy Advance

Literature

Mada 1-3 + PoM movie novelizations

Madagascar: It's A Zoo In Here!, Madagascar Little Golden Book, Meet the Penguins!, Fish Happens: Words of Wisdom from the Penguins

Mada2, Mada3, PoM Concept Art books

Two Feet High and Rising, Skipper's Log, Elite Strike Force, King Julien's Guide to Ruling the Zoo, Banana-palooza

Learn to Draw Madagascar, two Penguins of Madagascar sticker and activity books

Mada2, Mada3, and four TPoM coloring books

DreamWorks My Busy Book (also features Shrek and Kung Fu Panda

Comic Books

Operation: Wonder from Down Under parts 1 &2, Operation: Weakest Link, TPoM Comics issues 1&2

DreamWorks Madagascar issues 1-4 + Madagascar 3: Long Live the King

Five Penguins of Madagascar comics + 1 book compilation When in Rome...

Misc. Paper Stuffs

Penguins birthday card

Three issues of Nick Mag featuring Madagascar, a few cut-outs from other issues, and a one-page ad for DirecTV featuring Mada3

Mada3 2013 calendar, Madagascar Magic Pen book, two paper Skipper figurines

three boxes of Valentines (two Mada3, one PoM)

two boxes of Mada themed cereal and two boxes of Mada themed fruit snacks

PoM puffy 3D stickers, Madagascar The Musical button set (featuring Alex, Marty, the Penguins and King Julien)

Toys and Collectibles

Skipper Happy Feet plush, King Julien Tsum Tsum plush, mini Skipper plush w/mini Meet the Penguin book (I also have a King Julien plush that is packed away somewhere I didn't feel like digging out)

TPoM Return to the Habitat board game, TPoM Clementoni Impossible Puzzle, TPoM Kidz Cards (I got shorted buying this; it was supposed to have Go Fish as well but I only got Crazy 8s), TPoM Uno

Five Madagascar figurines of Alex, Marty, King Julien, Gloria and Melman

Ten various Mada McDonald's toys

Cake toppers and rings that the baker at the local grocery store gave to me

My birthday cake from 2016, PoM themed of course (I still have the toppers, the cake is obviously gone lol)

Skipper, Kowalski, Rico and Private Funko Pops

Super Spy Penguins Hallmark Keepsake ornament

Apparel

Disguise Master baby Penguins shirt (Zazzle.com, no longer available), I Like to Move It Move It King Julien shirt (ebay), caroling Penguins shirt (Zazzle.com, I think this one is still available)

two TPoM kids backpacks, King Julien Loungfly bag

Miscellaneous

Penguins kids drink cup, TPoM Activity Coloring Roll

PoM ice cube molds

Skipper shaped flash drive, PoM keychain

TPoM inflatable punching bag

TPoM kite (I think I still have the actual kite, if my mom didn't get rid of it without telling me, but it's unfortunately broken)

TPoM decal sticker I made in Web Design class in high school and never stuck to anything

TPoM Hot Wheels car

PoM movie poster (torn and wrinkled and stained from mounting putty because I never put it in a frame lol)

And I think that's everything! I'd love to someday have enough space to actually put all this stuff out on display. We're moving next year so maybe 👀

Things I'd like to get someday

the last three TPoM DVDs I'm missing

Mada soundtrack CDs

Mada1 on VHS tape (just for funsies)

the comic books I'm missing (several)

Madagascar Sorry! board game

an autograph from Tom McGrath

[lauvwar-r]

07 from the start ⸝⸝ cold drinks and cowardice

"oh? we're not going to the library this time?"

it must be a sign, you think, holding a paper bag in your right hand and his hand in your left. it was late enough into the cold winter season for frosty breath and signature hot chocolate but warm dandelion rays seemed to follow you two and frame the campus perfectly.

"nah," you shrug, "pela said that the council agreed that the stage would be put in the middle of the campus uh- garden? lawn? grass area thingy- you know what i mean…"

"yeah! we thought the area would bring the most traction." you're not even looking at him: your nervous eyes glued to your surroundings with false confidence, but you know he's giving you that look. that sickening soft one that you often mistake for adoration.

it's… fond??

and it makes your heart race — just for a second, before remembering what he said before.

"not a date huh…" you mutter dejectedly.

truthfully, it kinda sorta hurt when you found out he said that. whilst not fully demolishing your ego and porcelain heart, it did pinch at you — like soft rope burn for your self-esteem.

but what hurt a little more was the fact that he never told you. never told you about his private account that is.

i mean yeah… i have one too, but that's because i talk about how much i like him on there, you reason with yourself. and i get privacy and everything. but, bronya? you thought him and bronya were just school friends. were you… even his best friend?

"hm?" a hum interrupts your spiralling thoughts.

"anyway! i thought we could like, survey the area. see how and should things be set out and work from there." you say with faux enthusiasm, "we can work on your quote-on-quote poster on a bench nearby too."

"...it's not that bad."

"uh huh," you tease, raising an eyebrow. whatever. who geppie lets follow his private doesn't mean anything.

eventually, you two end up sitting on a bench together that faces the lawn.

"oh come on! look," gepard laughs as he pulls out his laptop, already logged in and displaying a somewhat improved version of his last poster. the changes are minor, like font changes and whatnot. but you can tell just how much effort he put into it. effort he put into everything and anything he did. a quality of his that you love. "i got rid of some of the uglier images," he pointed out excitedly, shuffling closer to you so you could get a closer look, "just like you told me to." the last part, a whisper similar to the sweetness of vows.

"it's good…" you mumble, too busy clinging onto his words and soothing a racing heart.

"really?"

"really." you reply earnestly, hooded eyes studying yours.

you wanted to lean in. to tread past the tightrope of a line preventing you and gepard from being more than just friends; to finally speak your mind on what you've been feeling for the past few years.

but…

"ah!" you explain, pretending to remember something by suddenly grabbing your paper bag from before.

…you're a coward.

inside are two beverages and a warm pastry carefully wrapped in tissue. "my favourite…" gepard mutters, surprised, "you remembered."

"iced coffee. you always preferred things cold. and a pastry too! it's a thank you for yesterday and-"

his ears turn redder than the normal red-on-a-windy-day red. and you almost — almost considered this a win: a step over that line, before…

"ha. you really are my best friend."

ouch.

MASTERLIST ⸝⸝ previous! ⸝⸝ next!

𑁤 sypnosis. despite claiming to be 'rizz master 3000' name has failed to ask out their crush and childhood best friend, gepard, for a few years (L). with this new wave of courage, will this lovestruck idiot be able to confess before gepard buys a house and adopts 3 cats and a bunny with someone else? (this is a joke. geppie will not be adopting 3 cats and a bunny).

notes. . . omgg this is like my 6th time ive tried to post 😭 ( so sorry for the like 3week hiatus LMAO) anyways ive been trying to get into a law school for next year so college has been biting me in the ass lately. sending love to all yall tho <3

. . . tags @520cafe , @kitsuxiv , @91ed0 , @iridescentsunsetwaters, @yevene , @lunavixia , @vilthenothing , @ryuryuryuyurboat

[the-dose-makes-the-poison]

Song of Autumn

Charles Baudelaire

I

Soon, we shall plunge into the shades of cold;

Farewell, bright summers too quickly passed!

I hear, falling already with funereal shocks,

The wood resounding on cobbled yards.

All of winter will enter my being anew: anger,

Hatred, shivers, horror, to hard work compelled,

And my heart will be, like the sun in its polar hell,

No more than a block of crimson ice.

I hear in trembling each crashing log;

Building a scaffold has no sound more dull.

My spirit is like the tower that falls

To the battering ram and its tireless blows.

It seems to me, lulled by these monotonous shocks,

That one nails in great haste some part of a coffin.

For whom? - Yesterday was summer; now it is autumn!

This mysterious noise announces departure.

II

I love the verdant light of your long, wide eyes,

Sweet beauty, but all today is bitter to me

And nothing, neither your love, nor your room, nor hearth,

Is worth more than the sun streaming over the sea.

And yet, love me, my tender heart. Be mother to me

Even though ungrateful, even unworthy;

Lover or sister, be the ephemeral sweetness

Of a glorious autumn or the setting sun.

Short shift! The gaping tomb awaits!

Ah! Let me rest my head upon your knee

As I deplore the loss of white, hot summers

And taste these final rays of yellow gold.

Translation: © David Paley

Chant d'automne

Charles Baudelaire

I

Bientôt nous plongerons dans les froides ténèbres;

Adieu, vive clarté de nos étés trop courts!

J'entends déjà tomber avec des chocs funèbres

Le bois retentissant sur le pavé des cours.

Tout l'hiver va rentrer dans mon être: colère,

Haine, frissons, horreur, labeur dur et forcé,

Et, comme le soleil dans son enfer polaire,

Mon cœur ne sera plus qu'un bloc rouge et glacé.

J'écoute en frémissant chaque bûche qui tombe

L'échafaud qu'on bâtit n'a pas d'écho plus sourd.

Mon esprit est pareil à la tour qui succombe

Sous les coups du bélier infatigable et lourd.

II me semble, bercé par ce choc monotone,

Qu'on cloue en grande hâte un cercueil quelque part.

Pour qui? - C'était hier l'été; voici l'automne!

Ce bruit mystérieux sonne comme un départ.

II

J'aime de vos longs yeux la lumière verdâtre,

Douce beauté, mais tout aujourd'hui m'est amer,

Et rien, ni votre amour, ni le boudoir, ni l'âtre,

Ne me vaut le soleil rayonnant sur la mer.

Et pourtant aimez-moi, tendre cœur! soyez mère,

Même pour un ingrat, même pour un méchant;

Amante ou sœur, soyez la douceur éphémère

D'un glorieux automne ou d'un soleil couchant.

Courte tâche! La tombe attend; elle est avide!

Ah! laissez-moi, mon front posé sur vos genoux,

Goûter, en regrettant l'été blanc et torride,

De l'arrière-saison le rayon jaune et doux!

[partyblakerz]

I'll meet you in the evening so we can swim tonight ~

Summary: The DudeHusbands's pool is out of commission, so they go to the lake to cool off.

Rated T for swearing, drinking/drug refs, and a mildly suggestive scene where Adam and Blake check Dersy out in his speedo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sweltering Rancho summer heat was taking a serious toll on Adam, Blake, and Anders.

The ice in Anders's coffee melted in just a minute. Their car became a sweat lodge since they couldn't find a single space in the shade. To top it all off, they had to put up with Alice chewing them out about squirting each other with mist fans in the middle of an office tangled in telephone lines. Especially since said fans were full of beer rather than water. The usual.

Ultimately, it didn't matter if their means of staying cool in the office were confiscated. After all, they knew they could use their pool when they got home.

If it wasn't completely trashed when they got home.

"Uh, what's goin' on here?" Blake asked, alarmed at the scene in front of him.

The pool was occupied by a mountain of debris. The basin was full of tables, soggy pizza boxes, and even an entire log in the hot tub. It looked to be emptied somewhat, and what water was left over was clouded and mucky.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Anders noted, frustrated by what he witnessed. "Of course this has to happen the day we actually need our pool."

Anders continued surveying the damage. The Norwegian man eventually came to a disappointing conclusion.

"Damn. From the looks of this it's gonna take us a whole day to clean this mess. Maybe two if Adam takes his sweet time to use the damn PlayStation all day again." Anders remarked.

"Well that sucks, because now we've got no choice but to smoke some dro and watch our dicks melt into the pavement." Adam griped, crossing his arms.

"Dude, relax. I know a good spot I used to visit to take some post-practice dips. We'll worry about the pool tomorrow." Anders promised.

"Sounds pretty dope." Blake said, giving a thumbs up.

"Well what the hell are you waiting for? S'GO!" Adam crowed, eager to gain some relief from the beating sun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

One quick drive later, the trio arrived at the lake. It was an expansive body of water, located in a quiet and relatively secluded spot lined with tall green trees.

Naturally, Anders immersed himself in the refreshing pond first. He slid his swimming goggles over his eyes and began gliding on the lake's surface, feeling the water graze his skin. He may have missed the satisfying scent of chlorine, but any time he could spend in the water was fine with him.

From a distance Blake sat on the lakeshore, dipping his feet in the cool water and watching Anders mirthfully swimming laps with aplomb. After what seemed like forever, he stood up in the lake's shoal. Bright gold rays shone on his stomach and the pectorals on his chest. Droplets trailed down his shapely legs, which were accentuated by the red speedo he donned. Blake's eyes were affixed, completely unable to even briefly glance at anything else until Adam verbalized exactly what was on his mind.

"Hot daaaaamn! I see you staring Ders down like that and I can't blame you one bit."

"Yeah, I gotta say he's lookin' pretty hot right now. And not just because it is pretty hot right now." Blake replied with a nod.

"And absolutely nobody can resist staring at his tittaaaaaaays! REWR!" Adam shrieked, making claws with his hands.

"Heh, I like everything about the dude, really."

"Oh, he's ridiculously attractive. But don't you dare forget that the pinnacle of sexiness is sitting in front of you right now. That's right! I spent months working on my beach bod and it paid off." Adam began to flex, flaunting his stout physique.

"It suuuure did, braj." Blake softly murmured. His face flushed a soft pink as he continued gazing, this time at both of his partners. He never imagined that he'd have such a handsome boyfriend in his life, let alone two.

"Hey guys!" Anders exclaimed. He climbed out of the drink with a smile and walked closer to his partners, who were watching him in awe. "The water's great. As always. I'm really surprised you haven't come in yet."

"In a minute, Ders! Gotta finish this can first." Adam said, swallowing a whole can of beer.

"Yeah, how deep is that lake? It'd be cool if you could show us how to, y'know, swim better." Blake suggested.

At that moment, Anders realized he had a great opportunity to teach his boyfriends how to swim. Something more substantial than pointers like "HOV" or "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper".

"Then today's the day I finally show you two how it's done."

"Whaaaa?" Adam asked, throwing the empty can in his hand aside.

"In case you haven't known me for 15 years of your life, the water is kind of my deal. If you were on a plane, or a boat, or that chopper you dreamed about riding in last night, and you fell into the sea, you wouldn't last 30 seconds before you sink and die." Anders explained.

"He kinda has a point." Blake stated, nodding.

"And lucky for you guys, you're getting lessons from the 50 yard butterfly practice record holder. The bronze medalist of the 100 yard freestyle at city regionals. The 5th place ribbon holder of the-."

"Well jeez, tell us something we don't know! We saw you workin' your magic out there." Adam interrupted, pointing at the swimmer with a cheeky smile. "You're the best guy who could show us that sorta thing. Behind Ryan Lochte."

"Hey man, I've got nothing but mad respect for him. I'll take that as a compliment of the highest regard." Anders smiled before heading back into the lake, with his boyfriends following closely behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Now, if you want to know how to swim, you'll need to know how to float. All you have to do is lie down and arch your back."

Blake did as he was told, and felt Anders holding onto his back. It felt a bit surreal to be suspended by the water below him, but he felt secure in the clasp of Anders's hands.

"Hey Ders," Blake began, tilting his head back as Anders continued holding onto him. "You're not gonna let go just yet, right?"

"Not until you want me to." Anders assured.

"That's nice, because being left in the middle of this lake where I could die seems kinda freaky." Blake quivered a bit.

"Look, I know it's scary. But when it comes to staying afloat the key is to relax. I got you, Blazer."

Blake nodded and closed his eyes. He let his mind wander until he almost completely forgot about his apprehension. All that was on his mind was the man who stood behind him, watching him, instructing him, protecting him.

"I think I'm ready now, Dersy."

Blake felt his boyfriend gradually lower his hands until they no longer touched his back. To his surprise, he didn't sink. He instead found hiself buoyantly lying atop the placid water. A relaxed smile graced his face, and he settled into the liquid's grasp peacefully.

Anders was elated. He couldn't think of anything better than watching the man he loved learning more about the activity he loved with such enthusiasm. He cupped his hands around Blake's head, feeling his lengthy, saturated hair brush the back of his hands. Leaning forward, he left a soft peck on his forehead. Blake's denim blue eyes shot open after recieving the affectionate gesture.

"Whoa. Ders..." Blake smiled. He stood back on his feet in the shallows and blushed.

"It's nothing, really. Just a little something to take your mind off the fear of it all." Anders stated with a slight smile.

“Well it worked like a freaking charm!” Blake replied. "Come to think of it, I could stay here all day. Just let all my fucks melt away into this pond."

Blake laid back onto the top of the lake, letting its water carry him. Meanwhile, Adam paced around the dock. He was supposed to be observing Anders and Blake, but in true Demamp fashion, he just couldn't stay put.

"WHAAAOOOO!"

Adam hopped off the wooden planks and crashed into the lake. Right near Blake. As he hit the water, the force of his jump knocked the floating man over, and they both sank into the green deluge. Within seconds Anders pulled them back up and he glanced at his two sputtering boyfriends with a look of befuddlement and concern.

"Hey! The fuck are you doing?" Anders asked.

"Calm down, I was just practicing some extreme dock jumping. It's a whole regimen. Might put it in the next installment of Demamp Camp. DEMAMP CAMP VOLUME 3: 3 DEMAMP 3 CAMP!" Adam roared, enthusiastic about his endeavor.

"Look, just try to be more careful, okay? I love you guys too much to have any of you drowning on my watch." Anders scolded protectively.

"FINE, Ders-el Hasselhoff." Adam muttered sheepishly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the events that transpired before, Anders declared that a lesson in treading water was in order.

"Alright guys, egg beater kicks! Move those legs like you're peddling at the X-Games! I know you have it in you." Anders encouraged, watching Adam and Blake doing the same motions he was demonstrating.

"I'm! Doing it! Anders!" Adam panted, barely keeping himself afloat as his head bobbed in the lake. "X-GAAAMES!"

When he declared that they had mastered water treading, Anders had them practice their kicks more as they held onto the edge of the lake.

"Excellent frog kick, Blazer." Anders complimented.

"Thanks, braj."

Anders swam over to check on Adam, who managed to pull off skillful kicks as well. Forceful kicks, but kicks nonetheless.

Eventually the two of them were beginning to make their way through the lake. As he watched over them, Anders began telling his partners yet another anecdote about his favorite sport and all-encompassing interest.

"So there I was. It was my yearlong stint as the alternate captain of the varsity swim team. Our main captain was out and I had to do 15 laps of underwaters on the spot." Anders began.

"And I really pushed myself. I emerged from the pool coughing every time. It was hard work but man, it felt great standing on that podium on competition day. Sure, I'm proud of that accomplishment, but I still don't understand why they never called me the reigning king of underwa-Ders."

Adam and Blake both chuckled at their boyfriend's cheesy pun. Suddenly, Adam made a proposal.

"Hey Ders, you think you could show us how to do some underwaters? Maaaaybe?"

Anders paused. He was reluctant to do so, knowing that Adam knew nothing more than a mere doggy paddle. And then an idea materialized in his head.

"You know what? I think we could try it. Just stay close and follow my lead."

Adam and Anders took in deep breaths and the two of them plunged beneath the lake. Adam let himself sink, surrounded by an abundance of bubbles and green hues. The shorter man paddled towards Anders, who was standing on the sediment with his lengthy, robust wingspan.

With several awkward movements, Adam clawed his way through the water and tightly clutched his partner. He let his hands crawl slowly up Anders's back until they reached his shoulders and he affectionately moved his head closer to his chest. The taller man reciprocated, taking him into his own arms and pressing his lips onto his. Something about that peaceful embrace made Adam's usual untiring self want to pause, and remain in that stillness for as long as his lungs would possibly let him.

Moments later Blake descended, his long flowy hair swaying like the scattered plants sprinkled along the subaqueous landscape. He wrapped his arms around his two loves, laying his head down on Anders's back. The three of them were suspended in the lake, completely intertwined.

After half a minute passed they broke away. They remained immersed for a while, glancing at each other with adoring smiles until a cloud of bubbles surged from Adam's nostrils. Subsequently the boyfriends swam up together hand in hand, breaking the surface with exhausted gasps.

"So... How's that for some underwaters?" Anders asked with a grin.

"If that's what underwaters are, then underwaters are freaking epic." Adam gushed.

"There’s more to them than that, but I'll have to explain more about them in depth later." Anders remarked.

"Oh I see what you did there! 'In depth.'" Blake giggled, pointing at Anders.

"That was actually completely unintentional, but I love your spirit, Blazer."

"Y'know, it's cool that we don't have to worry about ending up in a watery grave as much." Blake commented. He looked over his shoulder and was a bit alarmed to see that Adam had disappeared.

"And hey! You're learning. Obviously we'll have to practice more once the pool's cleaned out but-" Anders continued, before getting abruptly cut off.

"SURPRISE, BIATCH!!!"

Adam popped out of the water and pushed his arms forward, ambushing his boyfriend with a large tsunami of lake water.

"Adam!?!"

"Didn't see that coming did you, Ders?"

"Alright, you thought that sneak attack was so clever, but you're about to think twice about crossing the seasoned master of Sharks and Minnows." Anders taunted, before splashing Adam back. To his surprise, his target swiftly dodged the crossfire. Adam erupted into raucous laughter until he was interrupted by a surge of water.

"Hyah!" Blake exclaimed, giggling at his sopping wet partner.

"Oh it is so on." Adam declared, sporting that mischevious grin.

The trio spent the rest of their time in the water splashing each other playfully, laughing and enjoying the refreshing pond together.

Before the three men knew it, the sky became drenched in warm yellows and oranges as the bright sphere in the sky dipped below the horizon. The three men climbed out of the water and sat under the shade of trees, ensconced in their soft towels.

"You know, this isn't a bad way to spend the summer. Just us, some cold ones, and peace." Blake proclaimed, sipping a can of beer. As he sat on the grass, the dappled light shining through the leaves illuminated his soggy curls.

"Wouldn't have it any other way, my DudeHubby." Adam replied, placing his hand on Blake's shoulder.

“I’m just so damn proud of you guys. Watching you in that lake... it felt so great, man.” Anders beamed.

After another hour the light had finally disappeared, usurped by the moon's cooling shade. As the night arrived, they finally piled into their car, ready for another sweltering, yet satisfying day.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

Canucks: Quinn Hughes looking, talking, playing like true captain material

'For me, there are the assists, but he’s a terrific leader. He has been one of our best when it comes to being vocal. I haven’t really seen a bad game out of him. He’s very consistent.' — Rick Tocchet on Quinn Hughes.

Don’t let that boyish look fool you.

Aside from the obvious with multi-talented defenceman Quinn Hughes — sublime edge work to spin away from frustrated forecheckers, laser-like passes to trigger the transition and orchestrating the power play like a conductor — there’s also a growing and noticeable maturity.

It speaks of captain material.

Hughes is the product of a rich family sporting lineage and his respect, dedication and professionalism are building blocks in what is already a remarkable record-setting career with the Vancouver Canucks.

When Hughes, 23, and Elias Pettersson, 24, were promoted to the leadership group following the All-Star Game and donned an ‘A’ as alternate captains, along with J.T. Miller, 30, it was a sign of changing times.

Captain Bo Horvat had been traded and the consensus was to allow Hughes and Pettersson to methodically grow into their new roles and see who might eventually blossom to wear the ‘C’ next season.

That process has been sped up.

Hughes was always an engaging interview with frankness and vast knowledge of the game. It was more evident when he became an alternate and taking his energy and enthusiasm to another level hasn’t gone unnoticed — especially by the coach.

“For me, there are the assists and what he has been doing, but he’s a terrific leader,” Rick Tocchet said following a two-helper effort by Hughes on Sunday that elevated the blueliner to the 60-assist level for the second-consecutive season.

“I’ve been here seven weeks and he has been one of our best when it comes to being vocal. I haven’t really seen a bad game out of him. He’s very consistent. Obviously, the assists are great and his breakouts are incredible.

“That’s why (Paul) Coffey, (Scott) Niedermayer and (Ray) Bourque are great breakout guys and he (Hughes) is climbing that ladder.”

Bourque had a remarkable run between 1986-87 and 1993-94 where he put up 65, 73, 60, 63 and 71 assists. Coffey went even higher into the assist stratosphere between 1981-82 and 1985-86 with 60, 67, 86, 84 and 90 helpers.

Bourque served as captain of the Boston Bruins for 15 seasons and it’s not unusual to see a defender get that honour. This season, Jared Spurgeon, 33, serves in that capacity with the Minnesota Wild, while Roman Josi, 32, is captain of the Nashville Predators and Jacob Trouba, 29, wears the ‘C’ for the New York Rangers.

It’s customary to award your best player the captaincy, but it’s not always the best fit.

arkus Naslund was a reluctant captain because he preferred to let his game do the talking as an elite left winger. He would address the media — and often on a daily basis — but there was never a complete comfort factor because you have to be wired a certain way to answer repetitive and taxing queries.

The same could apply for Pettersson.

His play speaks volumes and the glare of the media spotlight isn’t the favourite part of his profession. It’s not a knock. Like many, he’s more comfortable in a one-on-one interview or small scrum.

So, what does this all mean?

Your captain has to be prolific because walking the walk is always going to beat talking the talk. He has to excel on the ice, play hurt, support the bench and be a voice of reason in the room.

Hughes logs a ridiculous amount of ice time with an average of 25:23 minutes that ranks sixth among all defencemen — and he has surpassed the 30-minute mark on four occasions, logging more than 28 minutes in 11 games.

“I want to play as much as I can,” he stressed. “I feel really good. Of course, some minutes are too much, but if I’m playing well — not lazy defensively and pushing offensively — I know I can play them.”

That’s leadership.

If that isn’t enough, there was one brief but testy shoving match between Hughes and Dakota Joshua that ended a long and draining practice last month on a fitting note.

Hughes got his back up during a two-versus-two scrimmage with the nets in close proximity at the defensive zone. It ramped up the testosterone and Conor Garland stepped in as referee. All in all, it served a purpose.

“For me, I’m trying to be a leader now and I want everyone to get better,” reasoned Hughes. “I need him to be the best he can be. And I need to continue to push myself to get better and push other guys.

“Petey and Millsy need to do that because, right now, we’re not getting enough from everyone and that’s why we’re not in the playoff spot. Everyone is a little edgier now with the way the season has gone.”

Joshua applauded the Hughes moxie because the fight in the mighty mite forced the big winger to ramp up his game in the mini scrimmage.

“That’s what it’s going to take to make this team better,” said Joshua. “Make sure everybody is pulling on the rope and I loved that and seeing him (Hughes) get fired up like that. We could use more of that every day around here.“

Hughes also got a hockey degree in human behaviour by playing with and soaking up the Luke Schenn tutelage. He became and better person and player from that union.

Captain material.

Source: https://www.princegeorgepost.com/sports/hockey/nhl/vancouver-canucks/canucks-quinn-hughes-looking-talking-playing-like-true-captain-material/wcm/9b3c9f08-7442-4c1c-9c1e-7352dc85f9b8

[nameless-network]

What kind of Pikmin do you think each of the QSMP members would be?

oh ho ho ho ho

sorry for taking a bit to respond i put way too much thought into this

this is all based on their characters;

Red - Fit (2B2T lore and all) - Roier (was debating between putting him here on in rocks but this feels right) - Felps - Luzu - Ironmouse - Rivers

Yellow - Forever - Mariana (Cubito is a god but isn't confirmed to be able to fly (Yellows can be thrown higher than other pikmin + it feels right)) - Tubbo (Create mod is the closest thing there is to electricity so) - AyPierre (Same as above) - Wilbur

Blue - Foolish (Shark hybrid) - Baghera (Duck hybrid) - Quackity (Feels cruel but because of the pool he keeps getting sent into. He's survived in there for long enough to get water breathing I think.) - Kameto - Pol - Tina

Purple - Maximus (dude brought a whole nuke to purgatory . how did he do that. did he carry it himself. he can be purple for that. alternatively i was gonna put him in yellow because they were the only ones who could hold bomb rocks in pikmin 1 but i didnt have any purples so) - Vegetta

White - Cellbit (whites have X-Ray vision and are used to find treasures other pikmin can't + immune to gas bolasbolasbolas) - Missa? (my only reasoning is like . skeleton. whites are the closest weve got to a death based pikmin since they do damage when eaten so)

Rock - Etoiles (Does lots of damage + hard to kill (rocks can't be crushed)) - Spreen

Winged - Philza (Kinda cop-out choice for the bird hybrids but. yeah) - Jaiden - Carre? (im not really sure where to put carre actually. winged because his skin has wings and i like to draw him with them. alternatively could be purple with how he carried bolas early days /j) - Niki ? (no real reason for this just feels right)

Glow - Slimecicle (Strange little green guy + Immune to poison (was a hard pick between glow and white because again poison-toxins-code infection seem related in my head) - BadBoyHalo (It's the radiation poisoning /j) - Mike (feels right) - Arin (Computers/AI glowy aesthetic) - Bagi (at first i was gonna put her in white as well because mystery twins and all but glow feels more right to me)

Ice - DanTDM maybe? (ive got no basis for this other than ice kinda looks like diamond and i had no other characters for ice. hes ice bc his character got iced after 2 days logging on /j) - Willyrex (bc of the ice prison) - German (as above) - Lenay (as above)

Bulbmin - Logically I think all the eggs would be Bulbmin actually - You get Bulbmin by killing an adult with dwarfs following them and thats kinda like how the Federation claims the eggs came about (the dragon mother getting scared off by the wall exploding and leaving them behind) - Other than that it feels right that q!Antoine would be a bulbmin. i dont know why it just feels right

Shroomin - Happy Pills Arc Forever + Pac (Applies to @v@!Forever too) (Toxins/being mind controlled)

[peacehopeandrats]

Breezes Are Better On Vacation.

(There is mention of nudity here, but nothing at all explicit about it.)

A warm, salty caress of air woke Belle on their first morning in the new realm. Even with her eyes closed, she could envision the elements of the Mediterranean in this place. Perhaps it was something about the warmth of the sun or the taste of the sea. Maybe it was the sound of the birds or the accents of the locals that wandered under their always-open window. Whatever sensory combination created the sense of belonging, it was welcome to stay.

This was their visit to a place where they had no plans, there would be no exploration. For this visit, time would be kept only by the number of waves crashing on the nearby shore. That decision had been made on their arrival. The Golds had taken one look at the beautiful blue water surrounding the realm's islands and decided that this time, in this place, there would be no exploring.

"It will be a vacation," Rumple insisted.

"A vacation when we're always traeveling?" Gideon frowned. "How do we do that?"

"We do absolutely nothing," Belle told him. Which was exactly what they'd all done. They hadn't even lifted a finger to make a snack, keeping their vow of laziness by eating at a one of the local food stalls for lunch and a restaurant for dinner. Tea was the only thing Belle allowed herself to make and that only because the blend here, poured over ice, was the perfect contrast to the humid afternoons.

"You're awake." It was impossible for Belle to trick Rumple into believing she was still slumbering away.

Instead of responding to his statement, she stretched and let out a hum of delight.

"Our son has been up for a while," he whispered as his arm shifted beneath her. "Out on the balcony. I think I should check he isn't burned."

Reluctantly, Belle adjusted her position so that her husband could extricate himself from their tangle of limbs. "We have aloe gel in our bathroom. Make him use it."

"I-" The beginning of Rumple's sentence turned into a chuckle. "Son. What /are/ you doing?"

Now more curious than lazy, Belle twisted herself around and sat up in the bed until she could barely catch the sight of Gideon through the bedroom's doorless arch. He was stretched out on his stomach, head right at the edge of their small balcony and his chin resting on his crossed arms. From there, he extended in a perfect line, log legs reaching well into the living room. Though the position was peculiar by itself, their son's complete lack of clothing was what had both his parents shaking their heads in disbelief.

"Basking," he said with a shrug, not even taking his eyes away from the activity below. With one hand he gestured at some houses farther down the hill. "Everyone here does it."

There was a pause before Rumple tipped his head to one side. "He's right."

Belle adjusted her nightgown and left the bed to pad over to them. "That doesn't mean we need to follow their example."

Below her, residents who were fully clothed went about their daily routines, walking up and down the cobbled streets, greeting their neighbors, or purchasing goods. Meanwhile, blissfully contented individuals were stretched out as Gideon was, fully unclothed, bodies aligned perfectly with whatever rectangular rays of sun fell on their balconies. She turned around and tried to peer beyond their house, but the angle of the hill prevented it.

"Enough of them seem to be comfortable," Rumple said, glancing around as if taking count.

"You're visitors," a voice chimed in, lifting and falling with amusement.

Belle turned and smiled at an older woman standing out on the next balcony. "How did you guess?"

She nodded their way. "Your lack of love for the breeze. Here we all spend some time with the salt on our skin. We see it as a form of cleansing. It's one of the reasons our homes are designed to let air flow through."

"That and the heat, I imagine," Rumple added with a smile.

The woman grinned. "That too." She picked up a cup from some surface hidden from Belle's view and nodded at her own building. "So long as your air bathing remains respectful and limited to your balcony or your home, no one will think anything of it."

"Thank you," Belle called out before stepping back in their own building so she could stand next to Rumple.

Out on the balcony, Gideon let out a contented sigh. Then he closed his eyes, rolled over, and folded his arms behind his head to make a pillow. "Breezes are so much better on vacation."

---

Crazy schedule today. It took me all day to write this, in 5 minute spurts, but I got it done in the end. That's why this is such a disjointed thought flow. Again, these are very rough drafts and might get properly written into real stories some day.

Image prompt was from Samuel Jerónimo at Unsplash:

https://unsplash.com/photos/roof-of-a-building-j73rdhsRE7o

[kramlabs]

https://maps.app.goo.gl/PwoGuBkmRUiddMQKA?g_st=ic

Floaters who wish to fish hard without a lengthy shuttle may launch at the Kendall Recreation Area ramp, located off U.S. 127 below the dam. The takeout is the old Kendall Ferry landing located at the end of Ray Mann Road, just off the road to the recreation area. This makes for a float of approximately 1.75 miles with a shuttle of just a few minutes.

This section includes the hatchery creek outflow, a good place to fish. Boyd’s Bar, a productive wading shoal for rainbow and brown trout, lies at the end of Ray Mann Road. The next take out is a little over 4.5 miles downstream from Wolf Creek Dam at Helm’s Landing Boat Ramp, located off KY 379 via KY 55 and U.S. 127. Excellent rainbow trout fishing runs all through this stretch of the Cumberland River. Toward the end of this float you will see two rock walls on each side of the river. Legend has it that people removed rocks and piled them near the riverbank to help steamboats power over a shoal in the river. Anglers should know this shoal is one of the most productive rainbow trout fishing spots on the Cumberland River. From Helm’s Landing, it is a 5.8-mile float to the next take-out at the Rockhouse Natural Bridge, located off KY 379. In this section, the river is a series of shoals and long pools. Anglers working the rocky edge of the flowing shoals and pools score on a mixture of rainbow and brown trout. Near the end of this section, floaters will see the river take a hard left turn at a high bluff. This is the Rockhouse Hole. The Kentucky Department of Fish and Wildlife Resources recently purchased the island on the downstream left, just above the Rockhouse Hole. This island shoal is Long Bar, although some refer to the area as Snow Island. It is one of the better wading shoals on this section of the Cumberland River. Anglers may beach their boats on the island to fish this area.

The Rockhouse Natural Bridge take-out requires you to carry your boat through the arch and up a steep incline to the parking area. This take-out is not recommended for anglers in johnboats.

The Rockhouse also serves as the put-in for the next section of river. Although the float from the Rockhouse to the next take-out at Winfrey’s Ferry is 5.5 miles on the water, the shuttle is just 1.5 miles. This is because the road connects the neck of a large bend in the river. A single paddler could drop off a boat in the Rockhouse parking area, drive down KY 379 to Winfrey’s Ferry, then walk back, leaving the vehicle parked at the end of the float. Rainbow Run, one of the best fishing shoals on the river, is just downstream from the Rockhouse. A long gravel bar on your right denotes Rainbow Run. The entire length of this shoal is worth many casts. Class I rapids downstream of this area provide lively paddling. A little further along on this float is Winfrey’s Rocks at downstream left. These rocks served as signposts for boat pilots back during the steamboat era.

The rocks, located halfway through the float, mark a deep hole that holds bruiser brown trout. Striped bass also show up regularly from this section downstream. The rest of the float is a long, deep hole until Winfrey’s Ferry. Look for a cable that goes across the Cumberland River. This cable indicates the take-out downstream to the right.

The Cumberland River rises quickly when electrical generation begins from the dam. Powerful current created by more than one generator in operation makes the river unsuitable for paddlers. Log on to the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers Nashville District Web site at www.lrn.usace.army.mil/ and search for Lake Cumberland generator schedule. The daily fishing report contains the 24-hour generation schedule for Wolf Creek Dam. Boaters may also call (606) 678-8697 for current information.

[a-z0-9-i-n-gram-completionist]

1:    0 1 2 4 8 9 a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z    32/36    (26/26)    (6/10)

2:    08 11 18 19 41 42 84 90 ab ac ad ag ai aj ak al am an ap ar as at av aw ay ba bd be bi bl bo br bs bu by ca cc ce ch ci ck cl co cr cs ct cu cy da dd de df di dl dn do dr ds du dy ea eb ec ed ee ef eg eh ei el em en eo ep eq er es et ev ew ex ey fa fe fi fo fr ft fu ga ge gh gi gl go gr gs gt gy ha he hi hn ho hr ht hu hy ia ib ic id ie if ig il im in io ip ir is it iu iv iz jo ju ke ki kn ks ky la ld le lf li lk ll lm lo ls lu lv ly ma me mh mi mo mp ms mu my na nb nc nd ne nf ng nh ni nk nl nn no ns nt nu nv ny oa ob oc od oe of og oi ol om on oo op or os ot ou ow ox oy pa pe ph pi pl pm po pp pr ps pt pu qu ra rd re rg ri rk rl rm rn ro rp rr rs rt ru ry rz sa sc se sh si sk sm sn so sp sq ss st su sw sy ta te th ti tl to tr ts tt tu tw ty ua ub uc ud ue ug ui ul um un uo up ur us ut ve vi wa we wh wi wo wr xc xe xi xt xu yb yg yl ym yn yo yp ys yx ze zo    290/1296    (282/676)    (8/100)

3:    184 190 842 908 abd abl aca acc aci ack acr acs act ade ads age ain ajo ake aki ale ali alk all alm alo als ame ami amp ana anc and ane ang ani ans ant anu any ape app ard are arg ark arl arm aro arr ars art ase ask ass ata ate ath ati ato att atu ave avi awa awr ayb bab bac bal bas bdo bea bed beh bel bet bey bio bis bit ble blo bly bod bon bou bow boy bra bre bst bul bur but cal can cav cce ccy cee cen cep che chi cia cie cin cks cky cle clo clu coc com con cos cre cri cru cti ctu cul cut cyx dar dda dea dee den deo dep der des dfi did die din dis dle dne doe dom don dor dul dur ead eak eal ear eat ebr eci ecr ect edd edi eed eei eem een efe egi egs ehi ein eir eit ela ele elf ell elo elv ely ema eme emo emp ems emu enb enc end eng enh eno ent env eos eou epo eps ept equ era ere eri erl erm ern err ers ert eru ery erz esc ese esn esp ess est eta ete eto etw ety eve evi ewh exc exe ext exu eyo fam far fat fem fer fes fib fie fif fin fir fis for fos fra fro fth fur fus gap gel gem ges ght gic gif gio gir gla glu gol gon gou gre gro gth gys han hap hat hav hea hei hem hen her hes hey hic hig him hin hip hir his hit hiu hna hol hot hou hro hum hus hym ial iar ibe ibi ibu ica ice ich ick icu ide idf ied ien ier ies iet ife ifi ift igh ila ili ill ima imi ims ina inc ind ine inf ing ink ins int inu iny iof ion ior iou ips ird irs isc ise ish iso isp iss ist ite ith iti its itt ity ium ive ize joi jor jus jut ked kel kes kin kiv kne kno ksc lan lar lat lde leg len les let lex lia lie lif lis lit lli llo lls lly lmo loa log lon loo lop lou low lso lue lun lus lvi lym lyp mag maj mak mal man mar mas mat may mel men mer met mew mil min mit moo mor mos mou mph mpl mpr mse mur mus myg nac nad nal nat nbo nce ncl nde ndi ndn ndo nds ndu nec nee nei neo nes nex nfr nge ngs ngt ngy nhn nim nky nly nne nop nor nos not now nox nse nsi nst nsw nta nte nti ntl nto ntr nts ntu nuo nus nve oac oat oba occ oce oci odi ody oes ofi oft ogi ogo ogs oin old ole olo oma ome omi omp omy ona ond one onl onn ons ont ool oos oot ope ops opt ora org ori orm ors ose osi oss ost osu ota ote oth oti oto oug oun oup ous out owe owi oxi oyl par pat pea pec ped pel per pho pic pin ple pli pmh poi pos ppa ppe ppo pre pri pro pte pti pub qua que qui rac rai ral ran rap rat raw rdl rea rec red ref reg rel rem ren res ret rev rge ria rib rig rin rio ris rit rki rks rly rma rmi rmo rms rns roa rob roc rog rom rop ros rou row rpr rra rro rru rsa rse rsi rst rte rth rti rto rts ruc rum rus sac sal sam sav say sch sci scl scr scu sec sed see sel seq ses sha she sid sim sio sis sit siv siz ske ski sma smo soc sof som sop sor spe spi spo squ sso ssu sta ste sti stl sto sts stu sty sua sub suc sue sup sur sus swe syn tai tak tal tan tar tat tea teb ted ten ter tes tha the thi tho thr thu thy tib tic tid tin tio tip tis tiv tle tly tom ton too tot tre tri tsi tte ttl tty tua tud tur tus twe two tyl typ ual uar uat ubi ubs uch uco udi uea uen ues ugh uit ula ume und ung unt unu uou upp ups ure uri urn uro urp urr urs urt usc use usi ust usu uta ute uts vel ver vic vid vil vit war wee wel wer wha whe whi who why win wit xcl xem xio xte xtr xus ybe ygo yle ylo yme ymp ymu yno yon you ypi ypm yst zoo    802/46656    (798/17576)    (4/1000)

4:    1842 1908 abdo able ably acce acin acru acti actu adep ages ainf ajor akes akin alis allo alls ally almo alog also amil ampl anal anat ance ands andu aneo ange anim answ ants anus aped appa appe area aren arge arki arks arly arms arou arra arsa arte arti arts ased aske atar ated ater athe atid atio ativ atom atte atty atur avit awar aybe babl back ball base bdom bear bedd behi belo betw beyo biof bitt blog bodi body bone boun boyl brat brev bsta bula burr bute call cavi ccen ccyx ceed cent ceps cept cher chiu cial cien ciet cing cles cloa clus cocc comp conn cons cont cosu cret crib crum ctio ctua ctus cula cuta dard ddar deal deed denb denc deos depo dept desc dfis died dies diet ding disp dnes does dome domi dors dula duri eaki eall ears eart ebra ecia ecre ecti ectu edda edin edis eedi eein eems efer egio ehin eing eith elat elet elop elow elvi emal emel emen emor empl emur enbo ence endi ends engt engy enhn enop enor enti entl entu enve eous epos epti eque eral eran ered eres erio erly ermi erru erse ersi erte erti erto erus escr espe esti esty etal etat eton etwe ever evic evid ewha excl exem exte extr exus eyon fami fatt fema femo femu fest fibu fied fift find firs fish form foss frac frog from furt fuse gely geme gest gica gion gird glan glue gold gona gous grea grou gyst hape have head hear heir here hert herz hese hich high hims hind hing hips hird hite hium hnac hole hoto houg hroa hume hyme hymu iall ibed ibio ibul ibut ical icep icks icky icul idea iden ideo ides idfi ienc iety ifes ifie ifth ight ilar ilia illi imag imal imil imse inal incl inde infr ings inky inse insi inst inte into ints inuo iofi ions ious irdl irst isch ishe isop ispo issu ists ites ithe itio ittl itty ivel join jori just juts kele king kink kive knee know ksch land larg larl late lati latu lden legs leng leta leto lexu liar lier life lifi litt llie llow lmos loac logi logo lond loos lope lops lowe lowi lung lusi lvic lymp lypm mage majo make male mall many mark mass mati mayb mely meno ment meru meta mewh mila mili mina mite moot mora most moun mous mple mpli mpri msel murs musc must mygo naci nads nali nalo nato nboy nclu ndee nder ndin ndne ndon ndul nect neit neou ness next nfro ngem ngth ngys nhna nima nnec nopt norm nost note noxi nsec nseq nsid nsis nste nswe ntai nter ntin ntio ntly ntri ntua nuou nusu nvel oaca obab occy ocee ocie odie oesn ofib ogic ogou oint olde olog omat omen omew omin ompr onad ondo only onne onse onsi onta onti ontr oolo oose ooth oped oper opte oral oria orit orma ormo orsa oses osit osso oste osto osty osus otal oted othe otic ough ound ount oups outs ower owin oxio oylo pare part patt pear peci pelv perl phot pica pine plex plif poin pose posi post ppar ppea ppos pred pris prob proc prop pter ptid pubi quar quea quen ques quit ract rain rang rans rapp rate rath rawr rdle real reat rect redi refe regi rela reme rent rest rete reve revi rgel rges rial ribe ribu righ ring rior rise rity rkiv rksc rmat rmit rmou roat roba roce rogs rope rost roun roup rowe rpri rran rrou rrow rruc rsal rsed rsio rstl rteb rter rthe rtic rton ruco sacr sacs sals same save sche schi scie scle scri scul secr sect seei seem self sequ shap shes side sidf simi sion sist siti sits sive size sked skel skin smal smoo soci soft some sopt sori spec spin spos sque ssor ssue stan stea ster stic stin stio stly stom stot stud styl sual subs such supp surp surr swer syno tain take talk tanc tane tars tata tead tebr tend tera tere teri term tern than that thei them ther thes they thig thin thir this thou thro thus thym tibi tica tick ticu ting tinu tiny tion tips tiss tive toma tomy tons tota toti trem trib tsid tter ttle tual tuat tudi ture turn twee tyle typi uall uart uate ubis ubst ucos udie ueak uenc uest uite ular ulat umer unde undi undn ungs unus uous uppo urin urns uros urpr urro urth uscl uscu used usio usiv usua utan utsi velo vely verr vers vert very vice vide vill vity ware ween well were wers what when whic whit whol wing with xclu xemp xiou xten xtre ygol ylou ymen ymph ymus ynos

yond ypic ypmh ysto zool    815/1679616    (813/456976)    (2/10000)

5:    abdom accen acing acrum actio actua adept ainfr ajori aking allow almos alogo amili ample analo anato andul aneou angem anima answe appar appea arent argel arges arkiv arksc aroun arran arsal arter artic asked atars atera ather ation ative atomy atter ature avity aware bably balls based bdome bdomi bedda behin below betwe beyon biofi bitty bodie bound boylo brate brevi bstan burro cally cavit ccent ceedi centu cepti cherz chium ciall cienc ciety cloac clusi coccy compr conne conse consi conta conti contr cosus crete cribe ction ctual cular culat cutan ddard denbo dence depos descr dfish dings dispo dness doesn domen domin dorsa dular durin eakin eally earts ebrat ecial ecret ectio ectus eddar eding edisp eedin eeing egion ehind eithe elati eleta eleto elope elops elvic emale emely ement emora empli emurs enboy endin ength engys enhna enopt enorm entio ently entua envel eposi eptid equen erans erest erior ermit erruc ersed ersio erteb ertic erton escri espec estin estio estyl etata etons etwee evers evice evide ewhat exclu exemp exten extre eyond famil fatty femal femor femur festy fibul fifth first fishe forma fosso fract frogs furth fused gemen gical girdl gland golde gonad great group gysto haped heart herto himse hnaci hough hroat humer hymen hymus ially ibiof ibula ibute icall iceps icept icula ideal idenc ideos idfis ience ifest ified ilarl iliar illie image imila imsel inali inclu indee infro insec insid inste inter inuou iofib irdle irstl ischi ishes isopt ispos issue ither ition ittle ively joint jorit kelet kinky ksche lands landu large larly later lativ latur ldenb lengt letal leton lexus lifes lifie littl llier llowi lmost loaca logic logou londo loose loped lower lowin lungs lusio lusiv lymph lypmh mages major makes marks matid matio maybe menop menti merus metat mewha milar milia minal mites mooth moral mount mplex mplif mpris mself muscl muscu mygol nacin nalis nalog natom nboyl nclus ndeed nding ndnes ndula necti neith neous nfrog ngeme ngyst nhnac nimal nnect nopte normo nosto noted noxio nsect nsequ nside nsist nstea nswer ntain ntere ntinu ntion ntrib ntuat nuous nusua nvelo obabl occyx oceed ociet odies ofibu ogica ogous oints olden ologi omati omewh omina ompri onads ondon onnec onseq onsis ontai ontin ontri oolog operl opter orial ority ormat ormou orsal ositi osits ossor oster ostot ostyl other otica ounde oundi oundn outsi owers owing oxiou oylou paren parti patte pears pecia pelvi perly photo pical plexu plifi point poses posit poste ppare ppear ppose predi prise proba proce prope ptera pubis quart queak quenc quest quite racti rainf range rathe reall rectu redis refer regio relat remel rentl resti rever revic rgely rgest ribed ribut right rkive rksch rmati rmite rmous robab rocee roper rosty round roups rower rpris rrang rroun rrowe rruco rsals rsion rstly rtebr rther rtica rticu rucos sacru scher schiu scien scles scrib scula secre seein seems seque shape sides sidfi simil sists sitio sivel skele small smoot socie somew sopte soria speci spine spose squea ssori stanc stead steri stick sting stion stoma stoti studi style suall subst suppo surpr surro swere synos tance taneo tarsa tatar tebra tendi tends teral teran teres terio termi their there thert these thigh thing third thoug throa thymu tibio tical ticks ticky ticul tinuo tions tissu tomat total totic treme tribu tside ttern tuall tuate tudie turns tween typic ually uarte uated ubsta ucosu udied ueaki uence uesti ularl ulatu umeru under undin undne unusu uppos uring urost urpri urrou urrow urthe uscle uscul usion usive usual utane utsid velop verru verse versi verte verti vicep viden video villi wered which white whole xclus xempl xious xtend xtrem ygold ymeno ynost ypica ystom zoolo    622/60466176    (622/11881376)

6:    abdome abdomi accent action actual ainfro ajorit allowi almost alogou amilia amplex analog anatom andula aneous angeme animal answer appare appear arentl argely argest arkive arksch around arrang arsals articu atarsa ateral athert ations attern bdomen bdomin beddar behind betwee beyond biofib bodies boylou brevic bstanc burrow cavity ccentu ceedin centua ceptid cially cience cloaca clusio clusiv coccyx compri connec conseq consis contai contin contri cribed ctions ctuall cularl culatu cutane denboy deposi descri dfishe dispos domina dorsal during eaking ebrate eciall ecrete ection eddard edings edispo eeding either elativ eletal eleton eloped emoral emplif enboyl ending engyst enhnac enopte enormo ention entuat envelo eposit equenc eresti ermite erruco ersion ertebr ertica escrib especi esting estion estyle etatar etween everse evicep eviden exclus exempl extend extrem famili female femora femurs festyl fibula firstl fishes format fossor fracti furthe gement girdle glands glandu golden gonads groups gystom hearts herton himsel hnacin humeru hymeno ibiofi ically icepti icular idence idfish ifesty ilarly illier images imilar imself inalis inclus indeed infrog insect inside instea intere inuous iofibu irstly ischiu isopte ispose jority keleta keleto kscher landul largel larges latera lative lature ldenbo length letons lifest lified little llowin logica logous london lowing lusion lusive majori marksc mation menopt mentio metata mewhat milarl miliar minali mplexu mplifi mprise muscle muscul mygold nacing nalogo natomy nboylo nclusi ndness ndular nectio neithe nfrogs ngemen ngysto nhnaci nnecti nopter normou nostot noxiou nseque nsists nstead nswere nteres ntinuo ntribu ntuate nusual nvelop obably oceedi ociety ofibul ogical oldenb ologic omatid omewha ominal ompris onnect onsequ onsist ontain ontinu ontrib oologi operly optera ormati ormous ositio ossori osteri ostoti ostyle otical ounder oundin oundne outsid oxious parent partic patter pecial pelvic plexus plifie points positi posits poster pparen ppears predis probab procee proper pteran quarte queaki quence questi ractio rainfr rangem rather really rectus redisp region relati remely rently restin revers revice ribute rksche rmatio rmites robabl roceed roperl rostyl rounde roundi roundn rowers rprise rrange rround rrower rrucos rtebra rtical rticul rucosu sacrum scherz schium scienc scribe scular sculat secret seeing sequen shaped sidfis simila sition sively skelet smooth societ somewh sopter sorial specia sposes squeak ssoria stance sterio sticks sticky stomat stotic studie sually substa suppos surpri surrou swered synost taneou tarsal tatars tebrat tendin terans terest terior termit therto though throat thymus tibiof ticall ticula tinuou tissue tomati totica tremel tribut tually tuated tudied typica uarter ubstan ucosus ueakin uestio ularly ulatur umerus unding undnes unusua uppose urosty urpris urroun urrowe urther uscles uscula usivel usuall utaneo utside velope velops verruc versed versio verteb vertic viceps vicept videnc videos villie xclusi xempli xtendi xtends xtreme ygolde ymenop ynosto ypical ystoma zoolog    446/2176782336    (446/308915776)

7:    abdomen abdomin accentu actuall ainfrog ajority allowin alogous amiliar amplexu analogo anatomy andular angemen answere apparen appears arently arksche arrange articul atarsal atherto bdomina beddard between biofibu brevice bstance burrowe ccentua ceeding centuat clusion clusive compris connect consequ consist contain continu contrib ctually cularly culatur cutaneo denboyl deposit describ dfishes dispose dominal ecially ections edispos eedings elative eletons emplifi enboylo engysto enhnaci enopter enormou entuate envelop eposits equence erestin ermites errucos ertebra ertical escribe especia etatars eversed eviceps evicept evidenc exclusi exempli extendi extends extreme familia femoral festyle firstly formati fossori fractio further glandul goldenb gystoma himself hnacing humerus hymenop ibiofib iceptid icularl idfishe ifestyl imilarl inclusi infrogs instead interes iofibul ischium isopter isposes keletal keleton kscherz landula largely largest lateral ldenboy lifesty llowing logical lusivel majorit marksch mations menopte mention metatar milarly minalis mplexus mplifie muscles muscula mygolde nalogou nboylou nclusio nection neither ngement ngystom nhnacin nnectio noptera normous nostoti noxious nsequen nswered nterest ntinuou ntribut ntuated nusuall nvelope nvelops oceedin ofibula oldenbo ologica omewhat ominali omprise onnecti onseque onsists ontinuo ontribu oologic opteran ormatio osition ossoria osterio ostotic oticall ounding oundnes outside parentl particu pattern peciall plified positio posteri pparent predisp probabl proceed properl pterans quarter queakin questio raction rainfro rangeme redispo relativ resting reverse revicep rkscher rmation robably roceedi roperly rostyle rounder roundin roundne rrangem rroundi rrowers rrucosu rtebrat rticula rucosus science scribed sculatu secrete sequenc sidfish similar skeleta skeleto society somewha soptera special squeaki ssorial sterior stomati stotica studied substan suppose surpris surroun synosto taneous tarsals tatarsa tebrate tending teresti termite therton tibiofi tically ticular tinuous tomatid totical tremely tribute typical ubstanc ueaking uestion ulature undness unusual urostyl urprise urround urrower uscular usculat usively usually utaneou veloped verruco version vertebr vertica vicepti vidence villier xclusiv xemplif xtendin xtremel ygolden ymenopt ynostot ystomat zoologi    297/78364164096    (297/8031810176)

8:    abdomina accentua actually ainfrogs allowing amplexus analogou angement answered apparent arkscher arrangem articula atarsals atherton bdominal biofibul brevicep burrower ccentuat ceedings centuate clusivel comprise connecti conseque consists continuo contribu culature cutaneou denboylo deposits describe disposes dominali edispose emplifie enboylou engystom enhnacin enoptera enormous entuated envelope envelops eresting errucosu ertebrat escribed especial etatarsa evicepti evidence exclusiv exemplif extendin extremel familiar formatio fossoria fraction glandula goldenbo gystomat hymenopt ibiofibu icularly idfishes ifestyle imilarly inclusio interest iofibula isoptera keletons landular ldenboyl lifestyl lusively majority marksche menopter metatars mplified muscular musculat mygolden nalogous nclusion nections ngystoma nhnacing nnection nopteran nostotic nsequenc nteresti ntinuous ntribute nusually nveloped oceeding oldenboy ological ominalis onnectio onsequen ontinuou ontribut oologica opterans ormation ossorial osterior ostotica otically oundness parently particul pecially position posterio pparentl predispo probably proceedi properly queaking question rainfrog rangemen redispos relative reversed reviceps revicept rkscherz rmations roceedin rounding roundnes rrangeme rroundin rrucosus rtebrate rticular sculatur sequence sidfishe similarl skeletal skeleton somewhat sopteran speciall squeakin stomatid stotical substanc surprise surround synostot tatarsal terestin termites tibiofib ticularl toticall ubstance unusuall urostyle urroundi urrowers usculatu utaneous verrucos vertebra vertical viceptid xclusive xemplifi xtending xtremely ygoldenb ymenopte ynostoti ystomati zoologic    189/2821109907456    (189/208827064576)

9:    abdominal accentuat analogous apparentl arkscherz arrangeme articular bdominali biofibula breviceps brevicept burrowers ccentuate centuated clusively connectio consequen continuou contribut cutaneous denboylou described dominalis edisposes emplified engystoma enhnacing enopteran enveloped errucosus ertebrate especiall etatarsal eviceptid exclusive exemplifi extending extremely formation fossorial glandular goldenboy gystomati hymenopte ibiofibul inclusion interesti isopteran ldenboylo lifestyle markscher menoptera metatarsa musculatu mygoldenb ngystomat nnections nopterans nostotica nsequence nterestin oceedings oldenboyl onnection onsequenc ontinuous ontribute oological ormations ostotical particula posterior pparently predispos proceedin rainfrogs rangement redispose revicepti roceeding roundness rrangemen rrounding rticularl sculature sidfishes similarly skeletons sopterans specially squeaking stoticall substance surroundi synostoti tatarsals teresting tibiofibu ticularly totically unusually urroundin usculatur verrucosu vertebrat xclusivel xemplifie ygoldenbo ymenopter ynostotic ystomatid zoologica    112/101559956668416    (112/5429503678976)

10:    abdominali accentuate apparently arrangemen articularl bdominalis brevicepti ccentuated connection consequenc continuous contribute engystomat enopterans especially etatarsals exclusivel exemplifie formations goldenboyl gystomatid hymenopter ibiofibula interestin isopterans ldenboylou markscherz menopteran metatarsal musculatur mygoldenbo ngystomati nostotical nteresting oldenboylo onnections onsequence ostoticall particular predispose proceeding redisposes reviceptid roceedings rrangement rticularly stotically surroundin synostotic tibiofibul urrounding usculature verrucosus vertebrate xclusively xemplified ygoldenboy ymenoptera ynostotica zoological    60/3656158440062976    (60/141167095653376)

11:    abdominalis accentuated arrangement articularly breviceptid connections consequence engystomati exclusively exemplified goldenboylo hymenoptera interesting menopterans metatarsals musculature mygoldenboy ngystomatid nostoticall oldenboylou ostotically particularl predisposes proceedings surrounding synostotica tibiofibula ygoldenboyl ymenopteran ynostotical    30/131621703842267136    (30/3670344486987776)

12:    engystomatid goldenboylou hymenopteran mygoldenboyl nostotically particularly synostotical ygoldenboylo ymenopterans ynostoticall    10/4738381338321616896    (10/95428956661682176)

13:    hymenopterans mygoldenboylo synostoticall ygoldenboylou ynostotically    5/170581728179578208256    (5/2481152873203736576)

14:    mygoldenboylou synostotically    2/6140942214464815497216    (2/64509974703297150976)

Why are rain frogs so round? What's /inside/ of them around such an itty bitty skeleton?

So it turns out this is a really interesting question.

The first thing we must be aware of is that rainfrogs as we see them in videos of them squeaking are not quite the same shape as they are when at rest:

[x]

But you are quite right, they are very round. This is exemplified by the skeletal photo you refer to:

[X]

So what are we seeing?

Well, firstly, note that the body cavity in these frogs actually envelops the femurs, such that only the tibiofibula (fused in frogs) and the tarsals and metatarsals are outside the body. The arms are quite similarly enveloped, but a bit of the humerus does extend outside the body cavity too. This predisposes them to a rounder body shape.

Next, note the ilia - the U-shaped bone in the pelvic region. These in some breviceptid frogs are synostotically fused with the sacrum - that is to say, they are bound by bone-based connections to the bow-shaped vertebra at their tips. This whole joint seems to be quite smooth, and as a consequence, the back of the frog is quite smooth. The other thing we can see here is that the urostyle (i.e. the frog version of a coccyx) juts quite far beyond the ischium and pubis. This extends the body cavity beyond the hips. Note also that the pelvic girdle seems to be largely below the spine, rather than the typical position for frogs behind it and continuous with it. This makes the legs sit below the spine, rather than at its end, enhnacing the vertical roundness of the animal.

Next, let’s talk some soft tissue. Now, I’m not as familiar with soft-tissue in frogs as I am their skeletons, so you’ll have to bear with me a bit (rawr). Beddard (1908!!) studied the soft tissue of Breviceps verrucosus Rapp 1842. It seems that the majority of the body of these frogs is actually muscle. Beddard noted that muscles join the leg at the knee that extend into the body cavity, such that the inclusion of the thigh in the body cavity is further accentuated by musculature. The rectus abdominalis muscle is unusually large, extending from the lower abdomen up and around the sides of the body. Indeed, this large size appears to be the pattern with all of the major muscles, though in the throat the typical arrangement of large and small muscles is somewhat reversed. On the lateral side of the head, there is a substance that is not muscle, but appears to be loose tissue in which sits what is apparently the thymus gland.

There is a very large gap between the end of the urostyle and the anus (one fifth of the total length of the frog), in which there are almost no muscles, save for the one surrounding the lower cloaca. On either side of this area, between the posterior-most muscles of the thigh, lie two large ‘lymph-hearts’, as described by Beddard. These are between one quarter and one third of the total length of the frog. A further lypmh-sac sits between these lymph-hearts and the skin of the femoral region, and they are thus probably analogous to the femoral lymph-sacs of other frogs.

I find it interesting that Beddard (1908) did not mention any glandular formations in the dorsal region. As is evidence from many images (see below), these frogs are able to secrete a white, sticky, noxious substance from their skin (which they actually have to use during amplexus, as the male is too small relative to the female to mount her properly, and so he sticks himself to her with his glandular glue… kinky).

[x]

These glands do not apparently take up a great deal of the cutaneous tissue, and so I suppose are of no consequence to the size of the frog, especially relative to its enormous muscles.

The diet of these frogs consists almost exclusively of hymenopterans and isopterans (ants and termites). Neither of these insect groups are particularly fatty, so it is little surprise that their bodies appear to contain no large fat deposits - fatty bodies extend from the gonads up to the lungs and heart, but these comprise only a tiny fraction of the frog’s mass, and don’t contribute to the round shape. Instead, their bodies are extremely muscular, allowing them to be adept burrowers, ideal for their fossorial lifestyle.

So TL;DR: rain frogs are little balls of muscle (maybe the largest muscle mass relative to body mass of any vertebrate? science just doesn’t know).

Ref:

Beddard, F.E. 1908. On the Musculature and other Points in the Anatomy of the Engystomatid Frog, Breviceps verrucosus. Proceedings of the Zoological Society of London, 1908:11-41 [x]

[sentient-rift]

((If you find these asks annoying, I will gladly stop))

*flies in like a helicopter*

...Ray, I hope you realize that I am prepare to fight over...you know who...but we can do it silently. Like girls do.

Duo, you are a sweet, sweet, innocent boi. Just like me before I went onto the internet...*sighs in innocent nostalgia*

wait Zero's here too--ah shoot, I'm surrounded by people that are completly out of my league...

*flies out like a helicopter *

"Looks like you got yourself a rival, Ray."

"It would appear so..."

"Um... Thank you for the compliment. I try my best to be a good protector of the universe, after all. But... How did the internet effect your innocence...?"

"Trust me, big guy. If you want to stay a protector of the universe, don't ever try to find out. The internet can be a dark place. Still not as bad as Lan's pickup lines, though..."

"Oh. Teseo's back. You here to see Nana?"

"Yep! Got a special videogame date planned. Really hope she likes it."

"I bet she will. She is the Ultimate Gamer, after all. Good luck, Teseo."

As Teseo, goes his way, Zero shows up.

"Hey, guys. I heard my name mentioned here. Did someone call me?"

"Well, someone did mention you, but you just missed them. They might come back later, though."

(And don't worry. I don't find the asks annoying.)

[pradeep]

Seasons of my life

The last few months I lived through an actual climate fiction (called cli-fi) story.

We lived through a very hot summer. The temperatures reached levels where it felt like an air conditioner would be necessary to survive. We were tempted twice in the last few months to install an air conditioner. We may need it to survive the October heat.

We survived with an air cooler that was not working at its peak and that was not able to cool the room. It broke down twice. Once when my year-old son tugged the wire and broke it. Another time when it just gave up trying to cool the room.

We provided it with chunks of ice to support it on its mission. The general stores that sold ice for drinks repurposed it to be used in air coolers. We froze the ice on our own. We found that the air cooler had a provision to drop the ice inside the cooler.

I drove in the hottest part of the day twice (during emergencies) on my two-wheeler and realized how torturous the Sun was. It took me hours to recover on both occasions. My father faced a similar situation and then stopped me from going out in those hours.

We used curtains to block out the Sun and ran the air cooler for long hours during the day. An air that blew early in the morning provided some respite on certain days. When I read Venkatesh Rao’s Ribbonfarm studio post about why solar punk makes sense for people in temperate climates and not for people who come from equatorial or tropical climates made a lot more sense given this background. When I hear about solar, I can remember only these hot days survived with an air cooler. It does not give me a picture of living in harmony with nature.

The hot sunny days were punctured by rain on a few days. The surroundings grew dark, the winds died down, and the rain would pour for a few minutes to an hour. I realized how little I look up at the sky nowadays.

The frequency of rains grew through the end of May and early June. The anticipation for rain grew. People cursed these short-duration rains because the rains raised the temperature thereafter.

The rains were cursed by city folks as soon as it started raining. This was because it flooded the over-built roads. Human construction did not give water anywhere to go, so the water just stayed on the roads.

There were several reports of water logging on the roads that I normally take to work. I took the road that was least likely to get waterlogged because it was older. Older roads tend to have drainage that is either human-built or natural.

An old road that I had used flooded because it was rebuilt with concrete. It had a wide human-built drainage ditch on both sides. But they forgot to link it to the road so that the water from the road would flow into the ditches. This meant that they had to find and physically open the hatches that covered the ditches at great risk. When the water receded, workers were building temporary connections between the road and the roadside stormwater drainage.

Cal Newport writes in his book, Slow Productivity to plan your life in seasons. He uses the word seasons to mean human seasons of life and not the natural seasons. For India, I think natural seasons would make more sense.

I think monsoon is to get things done which can be done remotely or by having people visiting your home to get things done. Monsoon is the time to get home maintenance done. It is also for spending more time at home with a digital newspaper, cups of tea, and hot food. You still need to go out to get some things done. Getting wet is unavoidable. It is a time to let my children enjoy the rain.

The monsoons are days of trouble to get your clothes dried after washing. The lifts have already stopped working because the water leaks through its roof and has flooded the basement. There are heavy winds that rattle our windows, shut our doors, and leak through the bedroom walls. The solar water heater does not do its work all the time. This makes us rely on the water heater in the bathroom.

The rain brings relief from the relentless heat of the summer. It transforms the ghats near me from dry plants and grass, rocks seem to trap the heat or reflect the Sun into green plants and grass and water plays off the rocks.

The monsoons are also a time to hunker down. I feel the need to protect my office bag with an extra layer of rain cover. I feel the need to carry extra footwear. I feel the need to add a layer of protection for electronics from the thunder and lightning. I try to avoid going out unless necessary.

The monsoons which have their source to the seas connect land and sea. When we lived in Mumbai where the sea was right there, I did not see the connection. Now, living on the leeward side of the ghats, the monsoons bring the sea closer to you. It reminds you of the seas.

The hills were once your refuge from the heat. But climate change has meant that there was not much of a difference between the hills and the plains. You need to go higher to get the same cold that you got at lower altitudes earlier. People are now going to the mountains that you could once get by going to the hills.

I wrote about the weather today because I did not have much else to write about. I did not know that I was so affected by the climate. If you think about it, you will realize that climate change has more of an impact on your life than you think. For now, I am enjoying the rain, the humidity, and the heat of the days.

[a-z0-9-i-n-gram-completionist]

1:    0 1 2 4 5 7 a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z    32/36    (26/26)    (6/10)

2:    00 0k 0p 10 2b 45 50 52 ab ac ad af ag ah ai ak al am an ap ar as at au av ay az ba be bi bj bl bo br bs bu bv bw by ca cc cd ce ch ci cj ck cl co cr cs ct cu cv da dd de di do dr ds du dy ea eb ec ed ee ef eg eh ei el em en ep er es et ev ew ex fa fe ff fi fo fr fu fy ga gb ge gh gi gl gm gn go gs gt gu gx ha he hi ho hr hs ht hu ia ic id ie if ig ik il im in io ip ir is it iz ja jc je jo js ka kd ke kg ki kn ks kt la lb ld le lg li ll lm lo ls lt lu lv ly lz ma mb mc me mh mi mm mn mo mp mu my na nb nc nd ne ng nh ni nk nl nm nn no nr ns nt nu ny oa ob oc od of og oh oi ok ol om on oo op or os ot ou ov ow ox oy pa pe ph pi pl po pp pr pu qu ra rb rc rd re rf rg ri rk rl rm rn ro rr rs rt ru ry sa sc se sh si sk sl sn so sp sr ss st su ta tc te th ti tl to tr ts tt tu ty ua ub uc ud ue ui ul um un uo ur us ut uw uy ve vi vy wa wh wi wo ws wu xa xr xu ya yd ye ym yo yr ys yt za ze zi zo zz    301/1296    (293/676)    (8/360)

3:    000 00p 0pe 100 10k 452 50p 52b abl abr acc ach ack aco act ada adi afa afe age agh agx aha aho ail ain air ake aki ala alb ald alg ali all alm als alt alv aly alz ama ame amu ana anc and ane ang ani ann anr ant anu any app apr arb arc are arg ari ark arl arn arr ars art ary ase asi ask ass ast ate ath ats atu aur aus ave avy aya ayo azi azo bar bas bat bec bef bel ber big bin bis bjs ble bli blo blu bod box boy bra bre bri bum bus but bvi bwa bys cal can cap car cco cdo cel cen chi chu cia cip cit cje ckd ckg cki cla cof cog cor cot cou cre cro cto ctu cum cve day ddo def dei den dep der des dex dia dif dis dit doc dom don doo dor dot duc duo eab ead eah eal ear eas eat ebe ebl ecl ecr ede edi edo eed efi efo efr ego eho eif eig eim eis ela ele eli ell ely ema emb eme enb end ene eng enm ens ent eph epl epo epp epu era erc ere eri erm ers ert ery esl esp est ett eve evi ewa ews exa exu fab fan far fed fem fer few ffe ffi fic fin fir for fox fra fuc fun gan gar gba ged gem ger get ghe ght gim gle gma gni gon goo gth gua guy gxr hak hei hel hen her het hil hip his hol hom hon hoo hor hou hre htl hub hus hut ial ian ias ica ici ick ico icr ict icv ide ids ies ife iff ify igb igh ign ike iki ikt ild ili ill imh imm imo imp inc ind ine ing inh ini ino iou ipa ipe ipo irb ire irf iri isc ise isn isr ist ita ite ith iti ito its ity izz jac jcj jen joa kah kdu kea kep kes ket kgo kid kin kip kis kno kto lai lan las lbe lde lds lea lec led len ler les lev lgo lia lic lid lin lis lit lly lma log los lov lsa lso lti lue lun lvi lyo lyt lzi mah mai mal man mar mas may maz mbl mbo mca mcd med men mho mic mil min mis mmi mni mod mol moo mos mul nad nag nal nav nby nce nci nco nde ndi ndo nee nes net new nga nge ngl ngo ngt nhe nhu nic nig nis nit nly nma nni nny nob nof non nos not nou now nri nso nta ntl nud nus nuw oan obl obv ocs oct ode ody off ofi ogl ogn ogs oil old olo ome omi omn ona one onk onl ons oog oom oon ooo oot ope ora orc ord ore ori ork orn orr ort osc oss ost ota otc ote oth oti otl otr oun ous out ove owa pag pai pak pal pan pea ped pep per pho pic pir piz pla ple por pos pot ppe ppl pri pro pub que rad rag ral ran ras ray raz rbu rby rce rci rdd rea reb red ref reg reh rei rel ren rep res ret rev rfo rge ria ric rig rin rio ris rit rks rli rma rne rnh rom roo row rre rrs rse rta rth rto rue rul rus ryd sac saf sam san sat say sca sco sea sec sen sep ser set sex sha she sia sic sil sim sis ska ske sli sly son sov spa spe spi spo sro ssa ssi ssr sta ste sti str sts sub sun tac tal tan tar tat tau tcu ted tel tem ter tes tex the thi thr ths tia tic tif tik tim tin tla tle tly tok ton tor tot tra tre tru tti tts tua tub tur tyr ual uat ube ubl ubs ubw uck udi ueb uif uly umb una uni unn uno unt unu uot ura urn uru usa use usl uss ust utu uwu uys vea vel ven ver vic vil vin vio wal was wav way whe wik wil wit woo wor wui xas xre xua yah yam yda yea yes ymc yof yop yor you yra yth yti zea zie zil zon zza    740/46656    (732/17576)    (8/12960)

4:    0000 00pe 0per 1000 100p 452b 50pe able abri acco achu actu adia afar afew agem aghe agxr ahoo airb aire airf akes akis alan alas albe alds algo alia alit ally alma alsa also alti alvi alzi amah amaz amul anad anag ance ando anet anga anic anni anri anta anus appl apri arby arci arge arli arne arrs arth asic asil aska aske assa assi assr aste atem ates athe atur auru aust avea azil azon bark barn basi bask bath befr bell bert bigb bing bise blic blog blue body bras braz brea bric bumb bvio bway call cana capr carr ccou cdon cele cent chil chip chus cial cipa citi cjen ckdu ckgo ckin clai clas cofi cogn cord corn cotl coun cret crow ctor ctua cver ddot defi deim denm depo dian diff disc dity docs doct domi dona doot dora dotc duck duot eabl eala ealg eali eall eals ealz eare eart ease eats ebec eblo ecla ecre edep edex edia edoc efin efox egon ehou eign eimo eist elan eles elev elia elin elyt emal embo emen enby engt enma enso entl epho eple epot eppe epub erag erce erei eren erep eris erma erse erta eryd esli espe esti etti etts even ever evil eway exas exua fabr fari fede femb fere fewa ffer ffic fici fini fire forc fore forr fran fuck funn gana garl gbas geme germ ghet ghtl gimm glec gled gles gmai gnit goog gths guat guys gxre hake heif heis heli hell here hett hill hipo hold home honk hooo hoot hora hort hous hrea htly huse iall ialt ialv ianc iant ical icia icof icor icro icto icve ides ifer iffe igba ight ikea ikip ikto ilde ilit imho immi imos inci inco inde indi inge ingl ingo inhe init inos inou ious ipal iped ipot irbu iref ireh irel ires irfo irit isco isex isro ista iste ital itar ited itel itic izza jack jcje jens joan kaho kduc kepl kesp kids king kipe kist know ktok lair land lane lang lask lass lber leas lecl ledo leng lesl lest leve lgoo lian lico lide ling list lita lity llyo llyt lmar logs loss love lsaf ltin luna lvin lyof lyop lyth lyti lzie maha mail mala mana many mark mars mart mass mayo mazo mble mboy mcdo mede ment mhor mick micr mili mino mise mmic mnis mode molo moon nada nage nald navy ncip ncog nder ndia ndor need news ngan nged ngle ngth nher nhub nica nigh nise nite nito nmar nnic nobl noff note notr nous nrio nson ntar ntly nudi nuwu oann oble obvi octo offi ofir ogle ogni olos omed omin omis omni onal only oogl oote oper orce ordd oreg orev oria orks ornh orre orto osca ossi osts otal otcu oter otes othe otif otla otle otre ount ouse ousl outu ovel over owav pagh pain paki pali pand pani pear pedi pepp pera perc phor picv piri pizz plan plea pler porn post poti potl pper pple pric prin prom publ queb radi ragx rali ranc rann ranu rasi raya razi rbus rbys rcen rcit rddo read real reat rebl refo rego reho reig rela reli rene rent repu reve rfor rget rias rico righ rinc ring rlic rman rnes rnhu romi room rowa rrea rton ruly russ rust ryda sach safa safe same sanr satu scar scor scot seal secr send seph sere sett sexu shak shel sica simp sist sket slid sove spag spai spea spir spot sroo ssac ssia ssis ssro stan star stat ster stia stra subs subw taco tall taly tant tarc targ tars tary tate taur tcum tela tely tema ters texa thei thel ther this thre tial tica tify tikt timh tind tlan tons tori tota tral tray trea true trul trus tual tube turn tyra uall uate ubef ubli ubwa uckd uckg ucki udit uebe uife umbl unit unny unof unuw uoth uran urus uset usly ussi ustr utub uwui veab vely vere vers very vict vine viou walm wast wave when wiki wild with work wuif xrea xual yaho yama yday yeah ymca yoff yope york yout yran ythe ytim zeal zies    705/1679616    (698/456976)    (7/466560)

5:    00per 0perc 10000 100pe 50per abric accou achus actua adian afari afewa ageme aghet agxre ahooo ahoot airbu aires airfo akesp akist aland alask alber algoo ality allyo allyt almar alsaf altin alvin alzie amaha amazo anada anage andor angan annic anrio antar apple apric arbys arcit arget arlic arnes asica asket assac assis assro atema athei aturn aurus austr aveab barne basic baske berta bigba bingl bisex blico blogs brasi brazi bread bumbl bviou cally canad capri carrs ccoun cdona celes chill chipo chuse ciall cialt cialv cipal citic cjens ckduc cking clair class cofir cogni cordd cotla count crowa ctori ctual cvers ddotc defin deimo denma depot diant diffe disco docto domin donal dotcu duckd duckg duoth eable ealan ealgo ealit eally ealsa ealzi earth eblog eclas ecret edepo edocs efini ehous eimos eland elang elest eleve elian eling elyth emala emboy ement ength enmar enson ently ephor epler epper epubl eragx ercen ereig erene erent erepu erman eryda eslid espea estia every exual fabri fedex fembo feren feway ffere ffici ficia finit firef fireh firel force forev forre franc fucki funny garli gbask gemen germa ghett ghtly gimmi glecl gledo glesl gmail gnito googl guate gxrea hakes heist helin heren herep hetti hipot homed hoote horto house hreat huset ially ialti ialvi iance icall icial icofi icorn icrow ictor icver iffer igbas ightl ikipe iktok ilita imhor immic incip incog inder india inged ingle inher inite inous iousl ipali ipedi ipotl irbus irefo ireho irela irfor iscor isexu istan ister italy itary itely itica jcjen jenso joann kahoo kduck keple kespe kiped kista laire lanet langa laska lassr lbert lease lecla ledoc lengt lesli lesti leven lgoog lianc licof lides lingo litar llyof llyop llyti lmart lossi lovel lsafa ltind lvine lyoff lyope lythe lytim lzies manag massa mazon mcdon medep mhort micro milit minos minou mmick mnise molos nagem nalds ncipa ncogn ndora ngana ngths nhere nical night nisex nited nitel nmark nnica noble noffi notes notre ntarc nudit nuwui obvio octor offic ofire oglec ogled ogles ognit oloss omede omino omise omnis onald oogle ooter opera orddo orego oreve orias ornhu orrea orton oscar ossia otall otcum oters othel otify otlan otrea ously outub ovely overe owave paghe pakis palit pando panic peare pedia peppe perag perce phora picve pirit pizza plane pleas pornh posts potif potle prico princ promi publi quebe radia ragxr ralia rance ranni ranus rasil razil rcent rciti rddot realg reali reall reals realz reats reblo refox regon rehou reign relan relia rentl repub rever rforc ricor right rinci ringe rmany rnhub romis rowav rreal rtons russi ryday sachu safar safew sanri satur scord scotl seala secre sepho seren setts sexua shake shell sical sista siste slide sover spagh spain spear spiri spoti sroom ssach ssist ssroo stant stars state stial stral stray subwa tally tarci targe tates tauru telan telyt temal texas theif theis theli there threa tikto timho tinde tland toria total trali traya treal truly trust tuall tubef tyran ually uatem ubefr ublic ubway uckdu uckgo uckin udity uebec uifer umble unite unoff unuwu uothe uranu usett ussia ustra utube uwuif veabl verei verse veryd victo vious walma waste wavea wikip wilde works wuife xreal yahoo yamah yoffi yoper youtu yrann yther ytimh zeala    546/60466176    (541/11881376)    (5/16796160)

6:    00perc 0perce 100per 50perc accoun achuse actual adiant afeway agemen aghett agxrea airbus airfor akespe akista alaska albert algoog allyof allyop allyti almart alsafa altind alvine alzies amazon anagem andora angana annica antarc aprico arciti asical assach assist assroo atemal atheis austra aveabl barnes basica basket bigbas bingle bisexu blicof brasil brazil bumble bvious canada capric ccount cdonal celest chipot chuset cially cialti cialvi cipali citica cjenso ckduck claire classr cofire cognit corddo cotlan crowav ctoria ctuall cverse ddotcu defini deimos denmar differ discor doctor domino donald dotcum duckdu duckgo duothe ealand ealgoo eality eallyt ealsaf ealzie eblogs eclass edepot efinit ehouse elanga elesti eleven elianc elingo elythe engths enmark ephora epubli eragxr ercent ereign erentl erepub ermany eryday eslide espear estial everyd fabric femboy ferent fferen fficia ficial finite firefo fireho firela foreve forrea france fuckin garlic gbaske gement german ghetti gimmic glecla gledoc glesli google guatem gxreal hakesp heling herent herepu hipotl homede hooter horton hreats husett ialtin ialvin ically iciall icialt icialv icofir icrowa ictori icvers iffere igbask ightly ikiped ilitar imhort immick incipa incogn inhere initel iously ipalit ipedia ipotle irefox irehou irelan irforc iscord isexua istant itelyt jcjens jenson kahoot kduckg kepler kespea kipedi kistan laires langan lassro lberta leclas ledocs length leslid lestia lgoogl liance licofi litary llyoff llyope llytim lossia lovely lsafar ltinde lyoffi lyoper lyther lytimh manage massac mcdona medepo mhorto microw milita minous mnisex moloss nageme ncipal ncogni nheren nightl nisexu nitely nnical noffic notrea ntarci nudity nuwuif obviou offici ofirel oglecl ogledo oglesl ognito olossi omedep ominos ominou omnise onalds ooglec oogled oogles ooters operag orddot oregon orever ornhub orreal ortons otally otheli otland otreal outube overei owavea paghet pakist pality pandor pepper peragx percen picver planet please pornhu potify pricor princi promis public quebec radian ragxre rannic rcitic rddotc realgo realit really realsa realzi reblog rehous reland relian rently republ rforce ricorn rincip ringed romise rowave russia sachus safari safewa sanrio saturn scordd scotla sealan secret sephor serene sexual shakes sicall sistan sister slides sovere spaghe speare spirit spotif ssachu ssista ssroom states strali straya subway tallyo tarcit target taurus telang telyth temala theist thelin therep threat tiktok timhor tinder torias totall tralia treall tually tubefr tyrann uatema ublico uckduc ucking united unoffi unuwui uothel uranus usetts ustral utubef uwuife veable vereig veryda victor viousl walmar waveab wikipe wuifer yahooo yamaha yoffic yopera youtub yranni ythere ytimho zealan    399/2176782336    (395/308915776)    (4/604661760)

7:    00perce 0percen 100perc 50perce account achuset actuall agement aghetti agxreal airforc akespea akistan alberta algoogl allyoff allyope allytim alsafar altinde anageme annical antarci apricor arcitic asicall assachu assista assroom atemala atheist austral aveable basical bigbask bisexua blicofi bviousl caprico cdonald celesti chipotl chusett cialtin cialvin cipalit cjenson ckduckg claires classro cofirel cognito corddot cotland crowave ctorias ctually ddotcum definit denmark differe discord dominos donalds duckduc duothel ealgoog eallyti ealsafa ealzies eclassr efinite elangan elestia eliance elyther epublic eragxre erently erepubl eslides espeare everyda fferent fficial ficiall ficialt ficialv finitel firefox firehou firelan forever forreal fucking gbasket germany gimmick gleclas gledocs gleslid googlec googled googles guatema hakespe helingo herentl herepub hipotle homedep hooters hortons husetts ialtind ialvine icially icialti icialvi icofire icrowav ictoria icverse ifferen igbaske ikipedi ilitary imhorto incipal incogni inheren initely ipality irehous ireland irforce iscordd isexual itelyth jcjenso kduckgo kespear kipedia langana lassroo leclass lengths leslide lestial lgoogle licofir llyoffi llyoper llytimh lsafari ltinder lyoffic lyopera lythere lytimho managem massach mcdonal medepot mhorton microwa militar mnisexu molossi nagemen ncipali ncognit nherent nightly nisexua nitelyt noffici notreal ntarcit nuwuife obvious officia ofirela oglecla ogledoc oglesli olossia omedepo ominous omnisex ooglecl oogledo ooglesl operagx orddotc otallyo othelin otreall outubef overeig owaveab paghett pakista pandora peragxr percent picvers pornhub pricorn princip promise publico radiant ragxrea rannica rcitica rddotcu realgoo reality reallyt realsaf realzie reblogs rehouse relianc republi rincipa rowavea sachuse safeway scorddo scotlan sealand sephora shakesp sically sistant soverei spaghet spotify ssachus ssistan stralia tallyof tallyop tarciti telanga telythe theling therepu threats timhort totally treally tyranni uatemal ublicof uckduck unoffic unuwuif uotheli ustrali utubefr uwuifer vereign veryday victori viously walmart waveabl wikiped yoffici yoperag youtube yrannic ytherep ytimhor zealand    278/78364164096    (274/8031810176)    (4/21767823360)

8:    00percen 0percent 100perce 50percen achusett actually airforce akespear algoogle allyoffi allyoper allytimh alsafari altinder anagemen antarcit apricorn arcitica asically assachus assistan australi basicall bigbaske bisexual blicofir bviously capricor cdonalds celestia chipotle chusetts cialtind cialvine cipality ckduckgo classroo cofirela corddotc crowavea definite differen discordd duckduck duotheli ealgoogl eallytim ealsafar eclassro efinitel elangana elestial elythere epublico eragxrea erepubli everyday fficiall fficialt fficialv ficially ficialti ficialvi finitely firehous fireland gleclass gleslide googlecl googledo googlesl guatemal hakespea herently herepubl homedepo ialtinde icialtin icialvin icofirel icrowave ictorias ifferent igbasket ikipedia imhorton incipali incognit inherent initelyt irehouse iscorddo itelythe jcjenson kespeare lassroom leclassr leslides lgooglec lgoogled lgoogles licofire llyoffic llyopera llytimho lyoffici lyoperag lytherep lytimhor manageme massachu mcdonald mhortons microwav military mnisexua molossia nagement ncipalit ncognito nherentl nisexual nitelyth nofficia notreall ntarciti nuwuifer obviousl official ofirelan ogleclas ogledocs ogleslid omedepot omnisexu ooglecla oogledoc ooglesli operagxr orddotcu otallyof otallyop otheling otreally outubefr overeign owaveabl paghetti pakistan peragxre picverse principa publicof ragxreal rannical rddotcum realgoog reallyti realsafa realzies reliance republic rincipal rowaveab sachuset scorddot scotland shakespe sovereig spaghett ssachuse ssistant tallyoff tallyope tarcitic telangan telyther thelingo therepub timhorto totallyo tyrannic uatemala ublicofi uckduckg unoffici unuwuife uothelin ustralia victoria waveable wikipedi yofficia yoperagx youtubef yrannica ytherepu ytimhort    198/2821109907456    (194/208827064576)    (4/783641640960)

9:    00percent 100percen 50percent achusetts akespeare algooglec algoogled algoogles allyoffic allyopera allytimho anagement antarciti assachuse assistant australia basically bigbasket blicofire capricorn celestial cialtinde classroom cofirelan corddotcu crowaveab definitel different discorddo duckduckg duothelin ealgoogle eallytimh ealsafari eclassroo efinitely elytherep epublicof eragxreal erepublic fficially fficialti fficialvi ficialtin ficialvin finitelyt firehouse gleclassr gleslides googlecla googledoc googlesli guatemala hakespear herepubli homedepot ialtinder icialtind icialvine icofirela icrowavea imhortons incipalit incognito inherentl initelyth iscorddot itelyther leclassro lgooglecl lgoogledo lgooglesl licofirel llyoffici llyoperag llytimhor lyofficia lyoperagx lytherepu lytimhort managemen massachus mcdonalds microwave mnisexual ncipality nherently nitelythe nofficial notreally ntarcitic obviously officiall officialt officialv ofireland ogleclass ogleslide omnisexua oogleclas oogledocs oogleslid operagxre orddotcum otallyoff otallyope othelingo owaveable peragxrea principal publicofi realgoogl reallytim realsafar republico rincipali rowaveabl sachusett scorddotc shakespea sovereign spaghetti ssachuset tallyoffi tallyoper tarcitica telangana telythere therepubl timhorton totallyof totallyop tyrannica ublicofir uckduckgo unofficia unuwuifer uotheling victorias wikipedia yofficial youtubefr yrannical ytherepub ytimhorto    145/101559956668416    (142/5429503678976)    (3/28211099074560)

10:    100percent algooglecl algoogledo algooglesl allyoffici allyoperag allytimhor antarcitic assachuset blicofirel cialtinder cofireland corddotcum crowaveabl definitely discorddot duckduckgo duotheling ealgooglec ealgoogled ealgoogles eallytimho eclassroom efinitelyt elytherepu epublicofi erepublico fficialtin fficialvin ficialtind ficialvine finitelyth gleclassro googleclas googledocs googleslid hakespeare herepublic icialtinde icofirelan icrowaveab incipality inherently initelythe iscorddotc itelythere leclassroo lgooglecla lgoogledoc lgooglesli licofirela llyofficia llyoperagx llytimhort lyofficial lytherepub lytimhorto management massachuse microwavea nitelyther nofficiall nofficialv ntarcitica officially officialti officialvi ogleclassr ogleslides omnisexual oogleclass oogleslide operagxrea otallyoffi otallyoper peragxreal principali publicofir realgoogle reallytimh realsafari republicof rincipalit rowaveable sachusetts scorddotcu shakespear ssachusett tallyoffic tallyopera telytherep therepubli timhortons totallyoff totallyope tyrannical ublicofire unofficial uothelingo ytherepubl ytimhorton    101/3656158440062976    (100/141167095653376)    (1/1015599566684160)

11:    algooglecla algoogledoc algooglesli allyofficia allyoperagx allytimhort antarcitica assachusett blicofirela crowaveable definitelyt discorddotc duothelingo ealgooglecl ealgoogledo ealgooglesl eallytimhor efinitelyth elytherepub epublicofir erepublicof fficialtind fficialvine ficialtinde finitelythe gleclassroo googleclass googleslide herepublico icialtinder icofireland icrowaveabl initelyther iscorddotcu itelytherep leclassroom lgoogleclas lgoogledocs lgoogleslid licofirelan llyofficial llytimhorto lytherepubl lytimhorton massachuset microwaveab nitelythere nofficially nofficialvi officialtin officialvin ogleclassro oogleclassr oogleslides operagxreal otallyoffic otallyopera principalit publicofire realgooglec realgoogled realgoogles reallytimho republicofi rincipality scorddotcum shakespeare ssachusetts tallyoffici tallyoperag telytherepu therepublic totallyoffi totallyoper ublicofirel unofficiall unofficialv ytherepubli ytimhortons    79/131621703842267136    (79/3670344486987776)

12:    algoogleclas algoogledocs algoogleslid allyofficial allytimhorto assachusetts blicofirelan definitelyth discorddotcu ealgooglecla ealgoogledoc ealgooglesli eallytimhort efinitelythe elytherepubl epublicofire erepublicofi fficialtinde ficialtinder finitelyther gleclassroom googleclassr googleslides herepublicof icrowaveable initelythere iscorddotcum itelytherepu lgoogleclass lgoogleslide licofireland llytimhorton lytherepubli lytimhortons massachusett microwaveabl nitelytherep nofficialvin officialtind officialvine ogleclassroo oogleclassro otallyoffici otallyoperag principality publicofirel realgooglecl realgoogledo realgooglesl reallytimhor republicofir tallyofficia tallyoperagx telytherepub therepublico totallyoffic totallyopera ublicofirela unofficially unofficialvi ytherepublic    61/4738381338321616896    (61/95428956661682176)

13:    algoogleclass algoogleslide allytimhorton blicofireland definitelythe discorddotcum ealgoogleclas ealgoogledocs ealgoogleslid eallytimhorto efinitelyther elytherepubli epublicofirel erepublicofir fficialtinder finitelythere googleclassro herepublicofi initelytherep itelytherepub lgoogleclassr lgoogleslides llytimhortons lytherepublic massachusetts microwaveable nitelytherepu nofficialvine officialtinde ogleclassroom oogleclassroo otallyofficia otallyoperagx publicofirela realgooglecla realgoogledoc realgooglesli reallytimhort republicofire tallyofficial telytherepubl therepublicof totallyoffici totallyoperag ublicofirelan unofficialvin ytherepublico    47/170581728179578208256    (47/2481152873203736576)

14:    algoogleclassr algoogleslides allytimhortons definitelyther ealgoogleclass ealgoogleslide eallytimhorton efinitelythere elytherepublic epublicofirela erepublicofire finitelytherep googleclassroo herepublicofir initelytherepu itelytherepubl lgoogleclassro lytherepublico nitelytherepub officialtinder oogleclassroom otallyofficial publicofirelan realgoogleclas realgoogledocs realgoogleslid reallytimhorto republicofirel telytherepubli therepublicofi totallyofficia totallyoperagx ublicofireland unofficialvine ytherepublicof    35/6140942214464815497216    (35/64509974703297150976)

15:    algoogleclassro definitelythere ealgoogleclassr ealgoogleslides eallytimhortons efinitelytherep elytherepublico epublicofirelan erepublicofirel finitelytherepu googleclassroom herepublicofire initelytherepub itelytherepubli lgoogleclassroo lytherepublicof nitelytherepubl publicofireland realgoogleclass realgoogleslide reallytimhorton republicofirela telytherepublic therepublicofir totallyofficial ytherepublicofi    26/221073919720733357899776    (26/1677259342285725925376)

16:    algoogleclassroo definitelytherep ealgoogleclassro efinitelytherepu elytherepublicof epublicofireland erepublicofirela finitelytherepub herepublicofirel initelytherepubl itelytherepublic lgoogleclassroom lytherepublicofi nitelytherepubli realgoogleclassr realgoogleslides reallytimhortons republicofirelan telytherepublico therepublicofire ytherepublicofir    21/7958661109946400884391936    (21/43608742899428874059776)

17:    algoogleclassroom definitelytherepu ealgoogleclassroo efinitelytherepub elytherepublicofi erepublicofirelan finitelytherepubl herepublicofirela initelytherepubli itelytherepublico lytherepublicofir nitelytherepublic realgoogleclassro republicofireland telytherepublicof therepublicofirel ytherepublicofire    17/286511799958070431838109696    (17/1133827315385150725554176)

18:    definitelytherepub ealgoogleclassroom efinitelytherepubl elytherepublicofir erepublicofireland finitelytherepubli herepublicofirelan initelytherepublic itelytherepublicof lytherepublicofire nitelytherepublico realgoogleclassroo telytherepublicofi therepublicofirela ytherepublicofirel    15/10314424798490535546171949056    (15/29479510200013918864408576)

19:    definitelytherepubl efinitelytherepubli elytherepublicofire finitelytherepublic herepublicofireland initelytherepublico itelytherepublicofi lytherepublicofirel nitelytherepublicof realgoogleclassroom telytherepublicofir therepublicofirelan ytherepublicofirela    13/371319292745659279662190166016    (13/766467265200361890474622976)

20:    definitelytherepubli efinitelytherepublic elytherepublicofirel finitelytherepublico initelytherepublicof itelytherepublicofir lytherepublicofirela nitelytherepublicofi telytherepublicofire therepublicofireland ytherepublicofirelan    11/13367494538843734067838845976576    (11/19928148895209409152340197376)

21:    definitelytherepublic efinitelytherepublico elytherepublicofirela finitelytherepublicof initelytherepublicofi itelytherepublicofire lytherepublicofirelan nitelytherepublicofir telytherepublicofirel ytherepublicofireland    10/481229803398374426442198455156736    (10/518131871275444637960845131776)

22:    definitelytherepublico efinitelytherepublicof elytherepublicofirelan finitelytherepublicofi initelytherepublicofir itelytherepublicofirel lytherepublicofireland nitelytherepublicofire telytherepublicofirela    9/17324272922341479351919144385642496    (9/13471428653161560586981973426176)

23:    definitelytherepublicof efinitelytherepublicofi elytherepublicofireland finitelytherepublicofir initelytherepublicofire itelytherepublicofirela nitelytherepublicofirel telytherepublicofirelan    8/623673825204293256669089197883129856    (8/350257144982200575261531309080576)

24:    definitelytherepublicofi efinitelytherepublicofir finitelytherepublicofire initelytherepublicofirel itelytherepublicofirelan nitelytherepublicofirela telytherepublicofireland    7/22452257707354557240087211123792674816    (7/9106685769537214956799814036094976)

25:    definitelytherepublicofir efinitelytherepublicofire finitelytherepublicofirel initelytherepublicofirela itelytherepublicofireland nitelytherepublicofirelan    6/808281277464764060643139600456536293376    (6/236773830007967588876795164938469376)

26:    definitelytherepublicofire efinitelytherepublicofirel finitelytherepublicofirela initelytherepublicofirelan nitelytherepublicofireland    5/29098125988731506183153025616435306561536    (5/6156119580207157310796674288400203776)

27:    definitelytherepublicofirel efinitelytherepublicofirela finitelytherepublicofirelan initelytherepublicofireland    4/1047532535594334222593508922191671036215296    (4/160059109085386090080713531498405298176)

28:    definitelytherepublicofirela efinitelytherepublicofirelan finitelytherepublicofireland    3/37711171281396032013366321198900157303750656    (3/4161536836220038342098551818958537752576)

29:    definitelytherepublicofirelan efinitelytherepublicofireland    2/1357602166130257152481187563160405662935023616    (2/108199957741720996894562347292921981566976)

30:    definitelytherepublicofireland    1/48873677980689257489322752273774603865660850176    (1/2813198901284745919258621029615971520741376)

nudity isn't inherently sexual but when the nudity is sexual BARK BARK BARK BARK you know?

[jawllines]

There was very little Y/N could take from Anne’s brief testimony. At this point from the judgment of character alone Y/N had long since abandoned the idea that he could have killed his wife. The part of her that is immersed in the world of stories, dark literature, and mystery, tells her that she’s naive to trust him so wholly. That certitude like this would personify, walk with her hand-in-hand off the ship on a wooden plank, and there she’d find her naivety with a sword to her throat, telling her to jump. 

Y/N could be intuitive when she wanted to be. When she truly opened up her heart to a situation and saw it for what it was, and despite quite a few attempts of trying to make the accusation of murder make sense, she simply couldn’t. That didn’t mean she didn’t want to hear it straight from his mouth though. Just because she had made up her mind about the idea of him killing her, didn’t mean she knew the details that led to that judgment from the town. Who heard when about what and why; there was no way to know other than the two ideas she’d come up with: 

1. Break into the police department and look through classified records. 

2. Ask Harry. 

She thinks she’d try her luck fighting off a policeman first. 

or

Y/N’s questions are answered and Harry’s been through a lot, hasn’t he?

(TW: mentions of murder, suicide, abuse, alcohol/drug use)

part 1

part 2

part 3

iv.

For four years, Harry had been stuck in a meadow.

Not a beautiful one that flourished beneath a vivid blue sky, with colors aplenty and life in abundance. It was cold; clouds hung low and heavy with icy rains that pierced his skin with every drop. The world was grey, the flowers were dead, the life was dormant, and Harry was alone. Stagnant in old memories that he wished to forget, haunted by new ones as the days passed and grew shorter, the night came quick and stayed long, his insides hollowed and his skin froze. Each passing day felt empty, bunnies with chubby paws and gurgling, giggly faces brought small beads of happiness but bunnies had to sleep, and he has to work.

Numb -- he felt numb and bitter, starving for warmth in four years of winter. Even his tears had frozen, the hot sting no longer brought comfort but more pain. And he lay there among the dried yellowed grass, wondering when it might get better. He lay there the first year wondering if his marriage was a mistake, and the second year he questioned if it would’ve been better if they had not met. The third-year he ponders if he were ever meant to be loved-- he wonders if it was supposed to feel this rotten. Had love stories no truth to them? Had all the authors been lying? Within the bad, there was always some good, but Harry hadn’t felt much good for three years by then. The fourth-year he wondered if it was his fault, all of it, just as the wind whispered in his ear. Maybe had he done something different then nothing would have happened. Maybe if he had been different then everything would be fine. Maybe then the bunnies wouldn’t have eyes that didn’t match his own.

It had started with a speckle of sunlight. The kind that appears at the end of a sluggish storm that came in the afternoon, filled the streets and soaked the soil of ditches with rain. Clouds withdrew, revealing the sun had begun sinking past the horizon, only thirty minutes or so until night inked the sky, but even for those few minutes there’s comfort. Reddish hues cut through the gloom, half the sky is dense clouds that ease to another town and the other half are cooed promises of a stormless day come morning. That’s how it started. . .just a little bit of sun with a giggle that drowned out the thunder.

The next day, the rain stopped. He blinked up at the clouded sky questioning why it had stopped pelting his skin like glacial stones -- it had been so long of this he panicked for one moment, maybe two (maybe three), but he tried to make do with it. His hollow stomach growled for the first time in ages, the scent of almond jam tarts slithers through his nose and makes his mouth water. The sun peeks out through the clouds to giggle again, teasing him with a few minutes of warmth -- the bunnies came to bask in it too, from beneath the burrow he’d made for them. One he lay on top of to keep them from the rain. They nudged at his back, demanding to come out, and so he rolled over and let them and they enjoyed the heat as well.

Each passing day the sun shows itself more and more, first timidly -- meek and mild, a little unsure. It smiled at Harry though he rarely smiled back. . .his cheeks were frozen how could he? But slowly he thawed; he could move his head again, look side to side, visualize the grass was now lush, healthy green, and wildflowers in an assortment of colors had begun to bloom. When the sun first came, he’d been so guarded. . .so worried. . .so angry that he couldn’t welcome the feeling of it kissing his skin. As each day passed the sun grew warmer and brighter, and as each day passed, the grass grew greener and the flowers more lively, and as each day passed, Harry’s smile grew bigger.

Harry liked laying in this field much better, bathed in golden rays.

And Harry liked waking up with Y/N beside him.

She was a rather heavy sleeper, or so Harry found which confused him greatly. The few times he’d woken her with his nightmares, somewhere behind all the murky fog of him trying to gain his footing back in reality, he would wonder how she woke so easily. Was he really that loud or did she rise at the sound of a pin colliding with linoleum? It had been the second night she’d coaxed him back to sleep that he realized it had been the former as it was easy to quietly slide out from the cocoon of her arms and the blankets that she’d made to bring him comfort. Y/N slept like a log -- he’s sure she could sleep through a marching band storming up and down the halls of the hotel -- but she always woke for him. Woke for him and coddled him.

Harry hated needing it, but he loves it while it’s happening. In ways it felt like a guilty pleasure; something that he indulged in though he probably didn’t need to, akin to an extra scoop of ice cream on his waffle cone, or staying up an hour later to finish binging a show. As he came down from the horror that his subconscious had fed him, to melt in Y/N’s arms was very pleasant. She felt like sun but she smelled like spring rain, and she held him like she knew how much he needed it. Like she knew how good it felt for him to be in someone’s arms. . .how happy he was to not wake up alone.

He preferred this though -- to wake with Y/N beside him, no memory of a night terror tormenting his brain as he blinks his eyes open. Y/N was not curled as close to him as she had been when they’d fallen asleep and while this made him pout for a moment, he is glad to watch her from this angle. She was close enough to him that he felt her warmth diffuse from her body beneath the sheets, but far enough that he could make out all of her features without having to move his head. All he does is press the corner of the pillow from his face with his fingers so his view isn’t obstructed at all.

This wasn’t a creepy thing -- he knew if she woke it might look like a creepy thing, him just watching her, but Harry was simply looking. He enjoyed the calm that her face contained; soothed and undisturbed. He could tell from one look at her face when her mind was racing, whether it be the faint furrow in her brow or the way she starts playing with her lips with her fingertips or nipping at her nails absentmindedly. That spacey glow in her gaze when she stares out the windshield of the car lost in a daydream that Harry wished to join her in. What does she think about when she spaces out like that? Harry would love to know but he found himself too shy to ask most days.

Too shy? It was novel, the idea of him being shy. Had anyone in his life known that he got absurdly shy and flustered when it came to this girl, they’d find it laughable. He wasn’t like this normally. . .even after everything that had happened, he was able to put on a brave face and fake the character that he’d always presented himself as. To make people more comfortable, to force the pity out of their stares when he walked into a room, to make himself feel normal when he had every reason not to.

But when he was with Y/N, he felt all jumbled and rearranged, his thoughts knocked together like the beads inside Charlie’s little rattles. It made little sense to him but his feelings never made much sense to him, even the ones he thought he’d understood. As a young boy, he’s always felt his emotions so intensely, like they could encompass his being sometimes, both the good ones and the bad ones. Rarely did they ever make him act out, but his mind was constantly going, it felt, and his mum always told him he was governed by his heart. And when he grew and chose to be more analytical, he’d thought he’d pressed that all aside. At the point that Y/N had entered his life, he’d made the assumption he’d grown out of it.

He’d been wrong.

That was okay though, wasn’t it? It was alright to feel things but they were so big. That’s the only way he knew how to describe them -- incredibly big, ardent, impassioned. Did she feel these just as he was? When she saw him, did her heart race unreasonably fast? Did she feel bashful beneath his gaze? Was she happier when they were together? Why couldn’t Harry just ask?

Why couldn’t Harry just ask?

The ache in his knuckles reminds him of what he’d done the night prior, mixed in his emotions regarding it. His reaction to Emmett had been boorish, and how he took the guitar even more so. After the little anecdotes, Y/N had shared with him about the kind of man Emmett was, it filled him with such hatred. Such hatred and spite for a man that he had not once met, but had raised memories from Harry’s own brain that he could not leave ignored. He hated him. . .he hated him for what he’d done to Y/N -- hated him for the broken look in her eyes at the thought of him, at what life he’d taken from her.

And he hated him for his own personal reasons. . .selfish reasons.

How could there be so many of the same type of person in the world?

Y/N wriggles in her spot, her brow pinches as her arms emerge from the covers and reach toward the headboard, a soft groan stirs from her chest. Harry held his breath for a moment -- should he look away? If she opened her eyes to find him staring at her, would she be unsettled? Would they be okay like she said they would? He hoped so. . .he really, really hoped so.

Her eyelids flutter first, before she blinks, squinting against the sharp morning sun that filled the room. Only a moment passes before she turns to him, a small, sleepy smile pulls at her cheeks. Eyes puffy from sleep, Harry struggles not to coo aloud -- she’s terribly cute.

“G’morning.” Her voice sends sparkles through his body; glittering, dazzling, iridescent bubbles.

“Good morning,” he cleared his throat after his gravelly response, and watches as Y/N pushes herself up from the mattress, but her bottom lip pouts, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She nodded, “Mhm,” it’s gentle how it leaves her mouth, it makes him want to protect her from the world, “You made me all sticky last night.”

Harry’s brows raised -- he hadn’t thought she’d mention it. If anything, Harry half expected them both to pretend it hadn’t happened. It probably shouldn’t have but at the moment, Harry had not considered what it might mean afterward. All he’d known was in that moment, he needed to touch her, and taste her, and feel her in every way imaginable.

It would hurt, Harry thinks, if they had to pretend that things hadn’t changed. Harry’s body, his mind, his heart sang too loudly for him to drown the sound of it out and play pretend. He had felt her against him in every way imaginable the night prior and still it hadn’t felt like enough. It had been a part of the reason he’d tried his best to hold out for as long as he could. If that were to be his only time with her, he wanted to make it count, but even then. . .even with how much they did and how long they did it for -- he just wanted to be even closer.

And he almost can’t stand it. Almost can’t stand how much he wants her.

“I cleaned you up, Sweetheart. Did I not do a good job?”

Y/N tilted her body toward him, and very suddenly did she plop across his torso, words muffled from where her face was pushed into the covers, “You did alright I guess, but I need a shower.” He smiled, laying his hand flat across her back, rubbing circles over the cotton fabric of his shirt she wore and he felt her melt; her muscles ease and her bones jellied, “Don’ wanna get up yet.”

“Don’t have to,” he murmured, “Can sleep as long as you like.”

Y/N’s response is a low hum that vibrates from her chest to his belly. The familiarity in her actions brings relief to the tension he’d been stacking in large blocks throughout his body. He had filled with such dread that they might revert back to their old, sheepish tendencies in how they regarded one another. Part of the reason he’d watched her wake, he’d admit, was because he’d been so happy that she was still there and he had to make sure for the first few minutes that it wasn’t a lovely dream. That Y/N was right beside him resting, not sat in her room in deep contemplation about how to go about reorienting their situation to how it had been.

Of course, if Y/N told him that she was uncomfortable and that things were weird, he would respect whatever decision she’d make in response to it.

He is, however, more than delighted that that wasn’t the case.

Still, he voices his concern slightly, in case he was reading her actions wrong. He doesn’t stop rubbing on her back as he begins speaking, and she startles some as he’d just woken her back up, “We are okay, yes? We’re still good how we were?”

Y/N re-earths her face from the blankets, lying on her cheek so she could face him. Her face looked so soft -- Harry’s tempted to reach his fingers out to stroke against her cheek, but he stops himself, “Are you worried?” He does not waste a moment before giving a solemn nod, swallowing thickly when her fingers find the bare skin of his chest, stroking there gently, “Why?”

His brows furrow, trying to deviate his attention from her careful caresses, “I. . .we did a lot last night,” he murmured, “I’m worried that you might regret it a little.”

“I’m glad you said it, ‘cos I was g’na say I was worried you regretted it but I’d been too embarrassed to ask,” she moves her hand to cradle his cheek, and Harry’s face warms as he lets his eyes flutter closed, leaning against her soft palm, “I don’t regret a thing,” her words were sincere, “We’re silly.”

Harry nodded, a small smile painted his face as he allowed himself to get sucked into the moment. Free of his memories, free of his worries, free of anything. . .anything at all that doesn’t have to do with being in this bed. It feels good. Harry doesn’t think he’s felt this good in a long time.

Harry doesn’t think he’s felt this good ever.

“We’re silly.” He repeats.

                                                             .                       .                       .

Feeling things could be a lot sometimes.

Emotions could be cumbersome.

At least that’s how they had felt before, especially with Emmett. Y/N always felt like her emotions were trudging through sludge, grappling for the edge of a riverbank but being dragged back into the murky water. They were conflicting and confusing; they didn’t feel good at all. And they dwindled so thin that by the time she was packing her things in her car, the tears she cried were out of frustration that she was the one who had to pick up and move her life around, not because she was sad she lost him.

But these feelings for Harry have always felt so. . .light? That didn’t feel like the right word. Not light in the way that they weren’t intense for her, because they were earnest and enthusiastic -- but they didn’t feel heavy. It had felt like Emmett was always at her hips, yanking her down to the deep end of a pool she’d drown in. With Harry, he pulled her hands gently toward fields and hills of green, where they floated just above the soil, giggled and tumbled and skated their fingertips along the morning dew.

She felt calm with Harry. . .her feelings were big, and they were good.

For the rest of their time in the city, things had felt as if they changed but in the same breath, they hadn’t much at all. Harry is still as tender as he always is, and he still trips and fumbles over his words. As they had grown to know each other his stony exterior cracked progressively but it had felt that he’d dragged down a full wall for her. Maybe two even; she’d taken a chisel and sledgehammer to the mortar fixing the stone together and carefully broke it. A soft glowing center had been revealed but only sometimes, she found. Only sometimes would he hold onto her for a little longer than normal. Only sometimes would his gaze linger. Only sometimes would it look like he might kiss her, but he pulls his lips into his mouth instead.

Y/N doesn’t push him because she knew there were at least two more walls left fixed around him, and both of them are components of life before her. Whatever had happened, had left Harry a broken man, and no matter how desperately she wanted to know everything about it, she wouldn’t pry. She even tried to stop quietly theorizing about it all, though Anne does not make it very easy at all.

Last night they all went out for one last dinner together, and when Harry and his father excused themselves to go to the restroom it was only Y/N, Anne, and Charlie left at the table. Charlie had found his way into Harry’s lap at some point throughout the night, and Harry passed him off to Y/N’s lap when he’d left the table, but he pulled off one of his rings so that Charlie could keep playing with it. Y/N held the marching teddy ring between her thumb and forefinger as his chubby hands gripped around it and he marveled silently.

Anne smiled gently at her as she pierced a piece of steamed broccoli onto her fork, “I want to thank you, Y/N,” she had begun, before she twisted her body around to look at the direction of the bathrooms then turned back to face her, “I’ll be quick about it, the two of them never wee for long. I want to thank you because. . .well, I don’t know what you’ve done to him, but he seems less. . .less miserable than he has been these past few years. I know part of it could just be the healing properties of time, but something tells me you bring a lot of light into both his and Charlie’s life.” Slowly she shook her head, “He’s misunderstood, a lot of the time. He always has been, even when he was a child.  Just loves with his whole heart and some people take advantage of that. I don’t know the nature of your relationship but I just ask that you continue to treat him kindly, no matter if it is platonic or not. God knows he needs that after what she put him through,” she hovers the broccoli over her mouth, “Though I hate to speak ill of the --”

Y/N wanted more. She wanted to take Anne out for coffee after dinner, find themselves a secluded booth in the back, and ask her every question that she could possibly think about what she didn’t know. Deep in her marrow, she knew it would be wrong to find out from someone who wasn’t Harry, but it would be easier wouldn’t it? Y/N would know and Harry wouldn’t have to relive the traumatic events for her to know. It would be the easiest solution, she’d think.

But before Anne could even finish her sentence, Harry appeared. The worst of it was she couldn’t even be irritated with his sudden reappearance, because the smile he gave her was sweet enough to melt her heart as he placed his hand on her shoulder then squeezed past her to get back to his seat, “Through the windows, I saw a candy store. It’s the same chain that has those fudge-dipped Oreos you like. Would you like to stop there after dinner?”

There was very little Y/N could take from Anne’s brief testimony. At this point from the judgment of character alone, Y/N had long since abandoned the idea that he could have killed his wife. The part of her that is immersed in the world of stories, dark literature, and mystery, tells her that she’s naive to trust him so wholly. That certitude like this would personify, walk with her hand-in-hand off the ship on a wooden plank, and there she’d find her naivety with a sword to her throat, telling her to jump.

Y/N could be intuitive when she wanted to be. When she truly opened up her heart to a situation and saw it for what it was, and despite quite a few attempts of trying to make the accusation of murder make sense, she simply couldn’t. That didn’t mean she didn’t want to hear it straight from his mouth though. Just because she had made up her mind about the idea of him killing her, didn’t mean she knew the details that led to that judgment from the town. Who heard when about what and why; there was no way to know other than the two ideas she’d come up with:

1. Break into the police department and look through classified records.

2. Ask Harry.

She thinks she’d try her luck fighting off a policeman first.

How could she just ask? There was no way to, she was certain of it -- no appropriate way to, at least. Any way that she tried to phrase it in her head sounded too nosy, too forward, too abrasive. Not only had she come to the conclusion that she didn’t believe he could kill his wife, but she’d also come to the conclusion that it was simply impossible to string the right words together so she could question why everyone would think he did. What was their relationship like before? He’d said they’d gone on trips -- that she’d liked the sun, and her only solace moving somewhere as dreary as the vacation town they inhabited was the beach. And she knew that Anne didn’t like her, for some reason or another -- that she put Harry through a lot. But that’s it.

That’s it.

If she thought about it for too long, her head ached. And when her head ached, her brows knit and she’s staring off into space without thinking all too much about it. So she hadn’t realized that Harry had even appeared back beside her in her hotel room, until she felt the tenderest of caresses just along her jaw, something he typically only did at night. When she turned to face him, his fingertips met her face, smoothing out her brow with the pad of his thumb, “Your head is hurting,” he murmured knowingly, the icy mint scent of his gum flutters along her nose, “Do you want to rest? I could finish packing for you.”

“How did you know my head was hurting?” Harry continues to rub her brow until she’s relaxed the muscles in her forehead, and the tension begins to dissipate from her shoulders.

“I’m observant,” he murmured, letting his hand fall away from her face but he slips it down, letting it rest on the curve of her throat, “You slept very little last night. Could feel you tossing and turning.”

It was true; she’d fallen through the rabbit hole of her thoughts as she’d spent many nights doing, only now when she was doing it, chances are she was laying beside Harry. One of the things that had changed was their need to find an excuse to sleep in the same bed, which was a blessing. Now, how Harry asks, is by offering her a shirt to sleep in while he feeds Charlie his last bottle for the night, cradled in the crook of his arm. Y/N gives Charlie plenty of cuddles and kisses, they lay him down in his crib, and the both of them get ready for bed themselves.

All of it feels very domesticated, especially the bits where after they’ve washed their faces and brushed their teeth, they crawl into bed and Harry finds them a movie to watch that they inevitably speak through half of, then get invested in the last quarter. Y/N thinks Harry finds it easier to touch and cuddle at night; this is when things feel most different than what they had been. He indulges in soft caresses, gentle squeezing, pulling her flush to his body, and skimming his fingers all along her skin, giggling when she shivered like he found joy in rousing goosebumps in his wake. The way Harry holds her spoke for how touch starved he’d been, and Y/N melted beneath the attention. Especially since this was when he was most open and willing to give it.

The night prior, he’d fallen asleep after one movie and the half of a second one (typically he tries to wait for her to fall asleep first, but she had taken to combing her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, and when she peeked up at him as his eyes began to flutter shut, he scrunched his nose at her, “Thank you, Darling”), and she’d stayed up. Her mind chattered at her, tweeted thoughts like a rose-ringed parakeet. What had Harry gone through? That would make him have horrible nightmares? That would make people think he was capable of murdering his wife? That his mum would thank her for bringing light into his life? The whole dark mess of it was so lost on her. It just made her want to hold him, kiss his rosy cheeks, protect him from the world and only share him with the sun and the moon.

After she had gotten up to have a wee, checked on Charlie, and crawled back in bed, she didn’t want to disturb him by weaseling her way beneath his arms again so she stayed on her side. So she tossed and she turned, wondering and searching for answers she couldn’t pull from thin air. Maybe she could just call his mum -- she’d given her, her number -- she could call her, ask her, sit on the phone for hours because she loved to talk (Y/N would guess that’s the outcome of a relatively silent husband) and she’d divulge every nitty-gritty secret Y/N knows she’s been nearly frothing at the mouth to tell.

But she couldn’t. . .she just couldn’t.

It was after she’d sighed to herself, quiet enough that there was no possible way she woke him up, but she felt a hand meet her side. His forearm slid along her hip, tucked around her body, and dragged her from her spot to meet him back in the middle. Y/N gave a questioning hum as she rolled around to look at him, but his eyes were closed, and he still appeared to be asleep. That is until his lips parted, a small, tiny smile at the corner of his mouth, “Sleep now. I’m giving you half of my sleepiness to help you.”

She rested her head on his chest, packaged all her inquiries in a tightly bound bundle, and tossed them outside for the night.

His notice reminded her of this, and her shoulder slumped as she tipped her forehead against his chest, “Aish, I forgot I woke you up last night. I’m the worst bed buddy.”

Harry rests his chin on her head, “Don’t say that,” he murmured, “You take away my nightmares and you smell like how I think the moon might, so you’re the best bed buddy.”

So gentle. Soft. How could he ever even hurt a fly?

Did he have something dark in him? Y/N wonders what it might have looked like to see him with Emmett, as she slid her arms around his waist and hugged him to her body. This rare display of daytime affection made whatever relationship they were developing feel real. More than just a drunken romp after emotions had run high; something tender and warm. Something that Y/N could get lost in.

“I reckon you take the title of best bed buddy. You gave me half of your sleepiness, remember?”

Harry hums, “Mhm,” he pulls back, letting his lips touch to her temple, “And I’ve just given you a quarter more. Lie down Sweet thing, I’ll pack the rest.”

Just as Y/N’s flipping back and forth between lying down for the nap or sucking it up and packing the rest of her things after taking paracetamol or two, there was the telling babble that told them both someone was awake. They unwind from each other, turning around to see that Charlie had woken up from where he’d been napping in his car seat. Y/N peeks around Harry, brows rising at the big, bright eyes that stare at them tiredly, “Well look at that! The absolute sleepyhead just woke up.” She made her way to Charlie, clicked the buckle that secured him to the seat, and fit her hands beneath his armpits, “C’mere, you little sloth. Say good afternoon, Daddy! I slept so long so that I could have an extra good time on the way back home, hm?”

Charlie lies his head down on her shoulder, holding out his chubby fingers toward Harry who made his way over easily. He took Charlie’s hand and kissed each of his fingers, before pretending to eat them, and smiling triumphantly when a bubble of giggles is the result. The scene makes her heart warm, but not nearly warm enough for her to not remember their check-out time was briskly approaching.

“Here,” she murmured, handing him over to Harry, “Cuddle, and I’ll finish packing, yeah? I’ll save my quarter of sleepiness for later.”

“Could I --” Harry began, just as she was about to move toward the bathroom. When she pauses and looks back toward him, he has that shy look on his face again. . .the one that appears just before he starts to fumble over his words a bit when he asks her something. Whether it be for a cuddle, or if she’d like to visit someplace with him, or if he wants his hair played with, “--could I kiss you?”

She tries not to smile too hard as she pushes up to kiss him.

And she presses an exaggerated kiss to Charlie’s cheek too.

                                                                   .                      .                        .

Being back at home is. . .different.

They got home around dusk; the sun sank low in the sky, disappeared behind the tree-line, and with it the end of their trip together. Coming home from a vacation always felt a bit off, after pretending another place was your home for a little while. Rooms were stiff, the air was stale and un-lived in, and it took about two hours of lighting candles, pushing open windows, turning on fans, and turning on every light and telly so that it wasn’t so quiet. Silent, and weird, and lonely without the people she’d been with.

Even though Y/N had technically had her own hotel room, by the end of their trip they had been spending every night together. She was with Harry, Charlie, and Marzipan which was much preferred than the stillness of a flat post-vacation. If she were honest, she struggled not to tear up as Harry was helping her take her suitcase from the trunk, and to hide her emotions in an effort not to appear clingy, she hugged him and hid her face in his throat. Harry curled his arms around her tightly. He knew though -- in the weird Harry way, he knew how she felt, even though she was making good on not letting it show on her face,  “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Sweetheart,” he dipped his face into her hair, pushing a chaste kiss to her head, “I don’t start at the university again until next week, and I’ve only got a bit of work to do at home, so you’ll be bothered with me all day.”

Harry kissed her cheeks and sent her to her flat with Marzipan. She aired the place out, desperate to make it feel less uninhabited, and had even shoved her linens in the wash before she showered (which made for a very cold shower -- after so long of being gone, she’d forgotten that warm water for her sheets meant frigid water for her body). Marzipan reacquainted herself with her surroundings and though it all smelled of her, she even appeared to be discontent with the change.

Around 10 PM her phone buzzes on her bedside table, just as she had moved her linens into the dryer while simultaneously regretting washing them at all (she just wanted to lay down at that point). Brows pinched, she reaches for it and sees Harry’s contact on the screen -- had she forgotten something? Why would he be calling her?

“Hello?” She held the phone close to her ear, “Harry? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, yes, everything is fine,” Harry responded, and he paused for a moment, just silent on the other end until he cleared his throat, “I -- well, I believe this was much less embarrassing in my head. I don’t mean to sound as if I’m fixed at your hip, but I missed your voice.” A dish clatters on the other end of the line, and he mutters a small ‘shit’ before continuing, “It’s -- um. . .it’s very quiet without you here. Not that I think you’re loud or anything I just. . .yeah. I just miss you.”

Y/N is incredibly fond; her heart swarms with warmth that stretches it three sizes too big for her chest, and she feels soppy and softened. Her lips curl in a tiny smile though he can’t see it, she wonders if he’ll be able to hear it in her voice through the receiver, “I miss you too,” she responded, brushing her hand against her cheek, “It just feels weird.”

“I’m not keen on it. Which is why I -- well, I wondered if you would like to stay on the phone with each other? Would just tell you to drive over now but it’s so late, I don’t want you on the roads.” He explained to her, “I had thought about just coming to get you myself, but then I’d have to strap Charlie back in his seat and for some reason, I feel he would not appreciate being woken up.”

Soft -- she would say it again, and again, and again. Harry made her feel so unbelievably soft, she’d reckon if someone tried to hug her right now she’d mold into the shape of their body. It’d been so long since someone had evoked such strong emotions from her and she just isn’t used to it anymore. All the heart racing, the stomach flutters, the sweaty palms, the goosebumps. . .everything.

“Yes, I’d like that,” she sat down on her bare mattress, tracing the diamond-shaped dips and curves of the upholstery, “If you’re falling asleep and I’m talking too much, you’ve got to tell me though. I’ve just put my bedding in the dryer so it’ll take me a minute before I’m actually lying down.”

Harry hummed, “I should’ve thrown mine in the wash, now that you’ve mentioned it.”

“No you shouldn’t have, ‘cos I’m miserable now,” she lamented, “Would give anything to just pop my head on the pillow and pass out.”

“Poor thing,” he murmured, “You don’t have extra bedding?”

She flopped down, tucking the phone between her ear and the uncovered pillow, “Harry, I’m lucky to even have the ones I do now. Hate spending money on bedding, it’s too much! Especially if it’s anything worth sleeping in.”

“I get what you mean,” the sound of running water cuts on, and she hears the sound of ceramic plates clinking together again, “Plus, it’s few and far between you find something aesthetically pleasing, innit? And then it’s got to match your room. White is the easiest to match but I reckon if you’re an on-the-bed-eater then that could be a bit problematic.”

“No kidding,” she agreed, “I guess for like -- I dunno, cum stains -- white works out though.”

”Christ,” she could picture it, Harry shaking his head in the way he does when Y/N says something he wasn’t expecting that may have been on the side of vulgar -- he did it several times when she would briskly and casually mention the fact that he’d morphed into something short of a male Aphrodite. He’s shy -- he’s always been shy, but he just manages to get shyer in the bits that he should be confident in. “I guess -- I guess, yeah for cum stains, that’d work out wouldn’t it?”

“Mhm,” she let her eyes close for a moment, “What’ve you got to do tomorrow? Tell me all about your engineering and I’ll try to keep up.”

He does.  Harry explained the project that they were currently working on and Y/N attempted to understand the large words and abbreviations he was using, but eventually she did have to tell him to bring it down to a freshman at college level so that she could at least kind of follow. It made sense that he was a professor, and a good one at that, because he knew so much but was able to break it into smaller bits and pieces so that she could digest it. When she had questions, he had full-fledged answers that swiped away the dark areas. By the end of it, she was halfway certain she could take a crack at computer engineering (like running their coffee orders and half understanding what they were discussing around meeting tables, but still a better understanding than she had in the first place).

Around 12 AM, Y/N’s made her bed up and sat star-fished staring at her fan blades whipping above her, listening to Harry’s syrupy voice tell her about his trip to Scotland he took with his parents when he was around 15. Explained to her that he met a man there who taught him how to play guitar in the two weeks they were there, and connected him to a woman who would further his learning in London. Harry had mused about how he had used to hope to be a musician of some kind, but he never thought he’d been good enough. Y/N told him that he’s silly because she thinks he’d be lovely.

“You’ll have to play for me,” she told him, rubbing the corner of her pillowcase between her thumb and forefinger, “On the telecaster. Y’know that’s yours now, don’t you?” Knuckling tiredly at her eyes, she suppresses a yawn so she could continue speaking, “Not to re-gift something from my ex or anything, but it’ll only collect dust in my closet.”

Harry, who had long since finished his nighttime routine (he’d politely excused himself to brush his teeth and wash his face), sounded like he was shuffling in his bed, “Wouldn’t you want to sell it? You could make a pretty penny off that, Sweetheart, especially the one you bought. It would feel wrong to have it wasted on me.”

“Wasted on you?” Y/N scoffed, “How could it be wasted on you? I don’t care about the money, I just want it to have a loving home. Now if you don’t want it because it’ll just be a hassle I’m sure I could pawn it off on someone, but nothing could ever be wasted on you. You’re the whole reason I even have it back!” Lulling her tongue over her mouth, she wiggles her toes at Marzipan who eyeballs her from the floor, where she had been sat for the past twenty minutes falling asleep, “Which -- could I ask you about that?”

He’s silent for a moment -- a pause long enough to make her regret asking, to disrupt how smooth the conversation had been going before her question -- but he does respond eventually, “You can ask me anything you want. Anything at all.”

“How did you get it back?” She swallows, “Like, I’d assume from your knuckles he hadn’t just handed it over.”

Harry, again, pauses for a moment but this time it seemed like he was only gathering his thoughts, “When you had gone to the bathroom, I went to the green room they had to get it back for you. I know you hadn’t asked but. . .well, it didn’t seem right for him to have it. Not after what he had put you through, you know?” Y/N hummed, encouraging him to continue, rolling out the muscles in her shoulders that had gone stiff in her idle sitting, “So I went in and I asked for it back, and he was. . .difficult about it. He offered to pay for it and then told me I was trying too hard and that you weren’t “worth it”. . .so I punched him and said a few choice words. I’m --” he sighed to himself, “I’m not a violent man, I just couldn’t -- I can’t stand when someone acts like that. . .like he deserved that guitar. I apologize for resorting to violence though. I shouldn’t have done it without speaking to you first, and now that I recount the details I feel a bit silly. Barbaric or summat -- like -- I’m sorry for talking in circles, I feel like I’m talking in circles. ” He does another deep sigh, Y/N can almost feel it against his cheek, like the content ones he lets out after they’re finally cuddled in bed but with a slightly annoyed lilt, a warm and gentle puff, “It frustrated me and I acted out, but I don’t regret it. It’s your guitar.”

Y/N dipped her face back into the pillows, tingles zip down through her body like sparks of electricity as he recounted the story and began to fumble around his feelings. He doesn’t realize how much she appreciates it though -- how refreshing it is to hear him speak. It always sounds so open and raw, like he’s saying the words as soon as they pop in his brain. Brisk pauses, talking in circles, expressing how something had made him feel and how he feels now because of his actions.

“Harry?” She shuts her eyes, pretending that he’s laying across from her.

His voice is small but clear, “Yes?”

“I think you’re amazing,” she began, “And I think, you don’t have to apologize for anything because if you would have first cleared it with me I would’ve suggested more barbaric antics, like kicking him in the chest and something with fire.” A breathless giggle comes from the other end, she smiles a dumb, big smile that makes her cheeks hurt, “Thank you for standing up for me. If anyone ever says something to you, I’ll kick their ass, how about that?”

Another chuckle leaves him, Y/N feels as if she’s swallowed it, feeling it warm her bell, she keeps her eyes closed and melts into the mattress while Marzipan jumps up and claims the space behind her back.

“Thank you, Sweetheart.”

                                                         .                             .                            .

It was rare that they went into town together.

Well, not so much rare as it was relatively nonexistent. The only time they’d been here with each other, they had made a beeline to a private beach where they couldn’t be disturbed. It was simply them, the fine grain sand in tiny hills and mountains and the gentle plodding of waves against the shoreline. They hadn’t even stopped for food or sweets, and Y/N couldn’t blame him -- if it were her in his situation, she would avoid the town at all costs.

So, it was safe to say she had been surprised when he suggested it.

They’d been back from their trip for four days, which they had spent re-acclimating to life at his house again. Y/N got back into the pattern of her regular nanny duties while Harry got back into his work, though he does take a few more breaks than he had been prior to their trip. These breaks last a bit longer than the old ones did as well, and are typically ended with a kiss to her temple and a raspberry blown into Charlie’s neck. If he takes a break while she’s sat in Charlie’s room during his naps, he scouts her out with a snack of some kind and will sit in there with her for a little while as they share it.

One night, Harry had asked if she would like to stay over and of course, she had agreed to it. Their day went as normal, Y/N put Charlie to bed while Harry finished up the course plan he’d been working on for several hours. After she showered and got ready for bed, she slunk down to the kitchen and brewed lavender vanilla tea, before pouring the both of them a cup and finding her way to his office. Despite the door being cracked open, she knocked first and waited until he called for her to enter before she did so.

“I made us tea!” She began as she entered, smiling gently when his eyes met hers, “It’ll help get you ready for bed too, since your brain has been so busy all day, reckon it should calm you down.”

Harry looks surprised -- the kind of shock that might light someone’s eyes if they weren’t expecting something. She thought he’d have heard her bumping around in the kitchen, but she wonders if he’d assumed she was only making some for herself. If he had even paid mind to the disturbance in the quiet at all. The apathetic look he’d been giving his computer prior to her arrival is replaced by one of gentle delight; his lips pluck up at the corners, “You didn’t have to do that,” he murmured as she set the mug down on a coaster, “Thank you -- I appreciate this a lot.”

“Of course,” she smiled before fixing her handle on the mug, about to pivot on her heel to make her way out of his office but his fingers loop around her forearm suddenly, “Oh! --”

“Why are you leaving?” He inquired as Y/N steadied herself, and he plucked her wobbling mug from her hands to set it down on the desk.

She nodded toward his computer, “I figured you were still working,” she explained, then motioned to herself, “And I didn’t necessarily want to annoy you today.”

The skin between his brows crinkles as he shook his head, “You could never be a bother to me,” he responded, no teasing lilt in his voice that would have matched her own -- he seemed almost offended that she would even suggest such a thing, “Stay with me. We can drink it together.”

“Yeah?” Harry nodded earnestly, “Well, alright. I guess I’ve always kind of wanted to try sitting on that couch --” she turned again, her mind set on going toward it, but Harry’s grip only tightens around her wrist, stilling her. 

“Wait --” he began, but when their gazes locked, his cheeks pinkened quickly; she thought it was cute, how easy it was from him to blush, and she thinks if she reached out they would be warm to the touch, “ -- I. . .well, this feels silly now,” he shook his head at himself, and sighed heavily, “With you, I always act and speak before I think things through, it’s very -- it’s troublesome, for me. I get flustered too easily.” 

“That’s okay,” she told him, “Just means every word out of your mouth is authentic. Plus,” she succumbed to her desire, reached her fingers out, and touched the warmth of his cheeks, “I think it’s a bit cute.” As always, he leaned into her touch like he was starved for it -- just wanted her near. . .as close as possible, and then even closer than that. “What were you going to say?” 

Harry’s hands found the hem of her shirt and he ran the pad of his finger along the seam but he was never one to avoid looking into her eyes. No, instead he stared at her, pupils fixed on her face, “I wanted to know if you’d like to sit in my lap? Not in a filthy way!” He rushed to say, “I just wanted to hold you for a little while, if that would be okay?” 

“Of course!” She used her knee to push his chair out further, plopped down on his thighs, and wiggled until she could settle. Y/N would have been a little coyer about it had the situation been with any other person, she thinks, but Harry responded much better to this. He asks for things like she’ll judge him for them -- like he’s worried her reaction to his inquiries will be poor, that she will be disgruntled or angered by them. And Y/N’s goal was to make sure he knew there was not a doubt in her mind when she agreed to do something that he suggested. He had good ideas, she wanted him to know that. 

Albeit startled, he acclimated to her position on his lap easily. He slung his arm around her waist, and held her still and close, scooting them both nearer to the desk. He reached for her mug and placed it into her hands before picking up his own. After a sip, he hummed low and dipped his forehead against her shoulder, “You’re always so warm,” he murmured, “And soft.” Once he set his mug down, his fingers floated up toward her neck, stroking against the delicate chain of the necklace he’d gotten for her, “I’m glad you like this.” 

“How couldn’t I?” She responded, raising her hand to his knuckles, “It’s a very thoughtful gift. How did you know I liked rubies, hm?” 

“I didn’t,” he spoke into her shoulder, “Really, it was one hell of a guess. The jewel was just so beautiful it reminded me of you.” 

Y/N felt her face heat up, “Aish, here you go -- always buttering me up,” she turned some, craning her neck to look at him, “Flattery will get you nowhere, y’know? If you want me to do something for you, all you’ve gotta do is ask.” 

Harry nuzzles back and forth, his face brushing and crumbling the back of her shirt. She’s not sure if he’d been doing it to shake his head or if it was a sign of his affections, but either way, Y/N hummed and poked his thigh, pushing for a response. “I’m not buttering you,” he murmured, “You deserve to hear these things. They’re the truth after all.” 

“So there are no ulterior motives to all these sweet words?” Harry shook his head once more, “Then what’s poking my bum?” She had noticed it after she had shifted on his lap the first time in an attempt to get comfortable and had been toying with the idea of mentioning it. They hadn’t done anything sexual since New Years', just cuddles and caresses, but the opportunity really hadn’t arisen. And Harry, well, she couldn’t imagine him initiating anything, with how much he second-guesses himself.

His response had been to squeeze her tighter, and tuck his face deeper into her shoulder, and she hummed once more “Hm?” 

“Sorry,” his words muffled, his tone bashful, “I -- I get them sometimes, when. . .it doesn’t have to necessarily be because I’m turned on, y’know?” 

Y/N leaned back into him, “Ohhhhh,” she tutted her tongue, “Like an affection stiffy then, yeah? You big softie.” She slid her palms against his forearms to carefully unwind him from around her waist despite his protesting whines, as she sunk to the ground, the thud of her knees muted by the rug, “Get your kit off, I know a good remedy for affection stiffies.” 

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to,” he murmured as she fit herself between his legs, her hands firm on his knees when she split them apart, “I could do you instead.” 

Her brows pinched and her mouth pouted as she looked up at him, “Hm? But I want to do you,” she told him, then tilted her cheek against his knee, keeping her gaze fixed on his, “Do you not like blowies?” 

Harry’s cheeks are such a rosy pink -- he’s so damn shy, she couldn’t stand it (in the best way). Such a domineering, strong-willed man all flustered and red-faced from just her speaking about having her mouth on him. It made her head spin in circles. 

“No, I -- I really like them, but --” he shuffled his hips, his hand found her head and he stroked her temple, and if not for how mesmerized by him she was, she might have let her eyes flutter shut, “-- I just don’t feel like I deserve one if I haven’t made you cum yet.” 

For fuck sake. 

Y/N slid her hands up his sweatpants and pulled at the drawstring of his sweatpants until the knots are undone. She tucked her fingers into the waistband and started to tug, before he finally raised his hips to help her get them down, “Technically we’re at an uneven orgasm ratio. You got me off four times, I’ve only gotten you off once.” Y/N found quickly that Harry hadn’t bothered with underwear at all, and she swallowed thickly as she looked at him. It felt like the first time all over again; the delight and the nerves, the way her mouth waters. The head is swollen, ruddy, and wet -- he was so big that she knew once she got her lips around him, only a quarter of the way down would feel like an absolute mouthful. She could already feel the ache in her jaw. 

“Well, you’ve -- oh,” he paused when her fingers looped around the base, “I mean if we’re being. . .if we’re being technical, you’ve made me cum plenty. The thought of you at least.” 

She didn’t know what to do with the information. The knowledge that Harry got off to the thought of her -- the imagery that invades her brain is enough to make each of her cells feel electric; sizzling and sparking as she pictured it. Harry is in his bed, surrounded by his crumpled bedding, face heated and body flushed as he works over himself. She imagined what it must have been like. Had he been trying to fall asleep but his mind danced toward her? Had it started out as an affection stiffy or was it pure arousal? What did he imagine when his fingers were wrapped around his cock? Was she riding him while he sat on the couch? Did he fuck her roughly over his desk, or was it soft sweet, and tender in his fresh cotton sheets? Maybe he’d even imagined sticking his prick deep in her mouth and fucking her face? Did he look as shy as he did right then? 

It was difficult to bite back the lewd noise that crawled up her throat, so she plugged her mouth with the head of his cock and stifled it against him. Harry’s head tossed back as her lips stretched over the tip, lulling her tongue against the slit where precum deliciously oozed. Y/N mustered all the spit in her mouth to drool over him -- she wanted it to be wet, sloppy, and messy for him -- wanted it to feel as if he’d dipped his cock into a warm pool. He deserved it, or at least she thought he did. 

Plus, she thought, if he kept looking down at her so shyly, with his knuckle tucked between his teeth as he watched her, she would just have to clip off a part of the moon and hand it to him. 

Despite her desire to keep watching him, Y/N had to tilt her head down so she could take more of him into her mouth. Her tongue stroked against the underbelly, slicked across the throb as she forced herself downward. Though her gag reflex was dodgy, she hummed to suppress it, sending vibrations down his shaft. His thighs squeezed around her body, her eyes watered once she got him to the back of her throat. She was only able to keep him there for a few seconds before she had to slide off, popping him out of her mouth before she gasped wetly. Strands of spit and his precum attach them to each other, but they bow and snap once she starts to twist her hand up and down quickly. Her lungs burned as she sucked in a breath to make up for the fact she hadn’t really been breathing well through her nose. 

She cradled his prick to sponge wet kisses down the side of it, down to his balls where she suckles and drools as she peeked up at him and felt a shiver run down her spine. Harry already appeared so fucked out, his chest heaved, his knuckle still tucked into his mouth to keep quiet. “Hey,” she panted, swallowing the spit that had collected in her mouth, “I want to hear you.” The hand that wasn’t preoccupied with his cock, she used to grab his wrist and pull down, “Let me hear you.” 

“Sorry,” he let her take his hand, but he maneuvered them so that he could slot their fingers together, and he held her hand tightly before he rested them on his thigh, “Haven’t had this done to me in a while, and with it being you I -- well, I’m just a bit of a mess.” 

“I like messes,” Y/N murmured against his head before she flicked her tongue along the frenulum, “Do you wanna hold my head? Or you could stand up and fuck my throat -- I’m good with either.” The moan that left his lips was well worth taking a moment to breathe, and she shivered at his whimpers when she circled the pad of her thumb at the underside of the head, “I just want you to feel good.” 

Harry squeezed her hand again, “I don’t know, Sweet girl, I just -- oh! Oh, fuck, baby,” Y/N had sunk back onto his prick by then, without a thought other than sucking him down and sucking him dry. He deserved it -- she thinks that if she could for him, she would stay on her knees for days on end and leave her mouth open for him to use as he pleased, “You’re going to make me cum if you keep doing that.” 

Again she hummed and sank as low as she could go, her throat spasming around the head while she used the other hand to cup his balls and his thighs tighten around her again in a little hug. It restricted the movement of her hand a bit, but he mewled, goosebumps pebbled over her skin as she felt him throb against her tongue once more. She drags off of him again for another breath, only this time she doesn’t tug at him while she does so. 

Y/N wondered what she looked like to him from this position. She’d only ever let one boy take a polaroid of her before when she’d been on her knees for him, and when she’d witnessed it after the fact she cringed. It was blurred, but the angle was awful and his thumb was halfway in front of the lens, so after he fell asleep she took it, cut it up into little slivers, and saved it to burn in the next bonfire she attended so that she would never have to look at it again. It had put her off blowies for a while, actually, but she had thrown all caution to the wind when it came to the man sitting above her. She hadn’t concerned if she looked pretty or not, she just wanted him to feel good, but now as her chin is wet and her lips no doubt reddened and swollen, she wondered if he thought she was still pretty. 

Maybe with anyone else, she would be far too self-conscious to ask, but with Harry, she doesn’t worry about it. Isn’t even the least bit nervous when she swallows and asks, “Do you think I’m pretty?” She murmured, blinking up at him.

Harry didn’t waste a second to respond, “I think you’re beautiful.” 

“Even like this?” Her hand began to move over him slowly, and she watched with delight as his eyelids fluttered, “Even all messy?” 

Another whine slithers from his throat, long and drawn, low and pitiful, “I --” he sucked in a deep breath, she watched as the air filled his lungs through a heave of his chest, “I always think you’re beautiful,” he admitted, “I think you’re an angel.” 

Satisfied with his answer, Y/N tucks the head of his prick in between her lips again but stays put. Only lets him sit against her tongue, trying hard not to smile when he makes a little desperate noise, “Baby,” he wiggled, “Please!” 

“Hm?” She hummed against him, and he bucked his hips a little in response. 

His hips stuttered away from her, “Sorry -- sorry, I --” she squeezed the hand she still held of his, encouraging him to do it again. It took him a minute to understand what she meant by it, but when she stayed in her place and squeezed his hand a second time, he rocked his hips up into her mouth again, “You want me to --” 

“Mhm,” she hummed again, and Harry does it again, and again, and again, stroking against her tongue and fucking shallowly into her mouth. She feels him throb again, and she knew it was going to happen soon; her insides bristled at the thought of him filling her mouth.

“So good,” he murmured, his head tilted back, “So, so, so good, fucking hell,” he panted, “Your mouth -- I’m g’na cum,” his hips jutted forward, “I’m g’na cum, I’m g’na cum.” 

The ache in her jaw burned only slightly, but she began to bob her head and started moving her hand. She wanted him to cum, and the quicker the better, honestly, because she didn’t know how much longer she could keep it up. Y/N thinks she would have pushed herself just to make sure that he came, no matter how long it would have taken, but this was much better, she’d say, at least for her mouth.

His other hand did eventually find her head, and he doesn’t slide his fingers through her hair but he does lie his hand on the back of it. The pulse drums in her mouth, she tilted the head against the inside of her cheek and all his muscles go taut as a bow while he squeezed her hand tightly. His groaning is loud, he didn’t bother to muffle it at her request as he began to spurt into her mouth. It’s warm, so much of it filled her mouth and if she could smile at the joy of it then she would have but she had to keep all of it. She worked him through it, twisting her palm against his shaft until he squeezed her hand again, this time for a different reason as she kept on him until he was twitching and sensitive. 

Y/N pushed herself from her spot on the ground, and took hold of Harry’s chin, and used her thumb to pull his lips open. It took him only a moment to understand what she wanted, and he opened up for her easily, as she fixed their lips together and pushed his cum into his silky mouth. Harry moaned against her as he tasted himself, and once she parted with another little peck, she pulled back and swallowed the rest. He swallowed as well, staring at her with spit-slicked, fuchsia-colored lips as he panted. 

With the back of her hand, Y/N dragged it across her mouth to dry it, “You cum a lot,” she was careful in how she handled his softening prick, tucking it back into his sweatpants that she helped him tug up, “It tasted good though, so I guess that’s alright.” 

“Thank you,” he wrapped his arms back around her waist when she sat back down on his lap, where she had been before, “You’re wonderful. I’ll make you cum next, yeah?” 

“Mm,” she hummed, “I’m good for t’night, just wanted to do you.” The lavender tea was still warm, she could feel it from the ceramic that heated her fingertips, as she passed it off to his hand, “Since I have the most wonderful-est mouth in the world though, you could make me cookies or something.” 

Harry took a drink, she wondered if it sank warm and comforting in his belly, “I don’t have anything for making cookies, Pet, I’m sorry,” he continued before she could pout, “But -- well, I thought maybe we could go into town tomorrow. A picnic on the beach might be fun if you’d like that -- it’s supposed to be a bit nicer out than it has been. We could even stop by that bakery you like so much and get sweets, yeah?”

“I love picnics, but --” she stopped herself, the words dance on her tongue but she shot their feet and watched them crumble because she couldn’t say but you hate going into town, don’t you? Since they think you killed your wife? -- no, that wouldn’t do. Her stupid brain had been just seconds from ruining a nice moment, and no matter how badly she wanted to know the truth, she didn’t necessarily want to find out after his prick was in her mouth. It felt like a heavier conversation than just post-orgasm cuddles on his chair, “-- but I didn’t bring my basket.” She settled for instead and she watched as the concern that had been building on his face dissipated, “I’ve got a wicked picnic basket but I think I either lost it in the move or it’s still at my old place.” 

“That’s alright,” he began to rub her back with his free hand, “I’ve got one. It may not be as spectacular but it will do.” 

She pushed a kiss to her cheek, “Okay, good,” she told him, “Now finish your tea, I’m exhausted.” 

                                                         .                             .                           .

They cuddled that night; Harry liked to be a big spoon so he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. 

There is a nightmare -- a small one, nowhere near the extent of the other’s that she’s woken him from -- so she doesn’t have to wake him up as abruptly nor aggressively. She merely spun in his arms and petted at his face, murmuring for him to wake up only two times before his eyes blinked open. Before she could say anything, he reached up and held her hand closer to his cheek. 

“I’m okay,” he said, his voice gravelly, “I’m awake?” 

“Mhm,” she hummed, “You’re awake.” 

Harry nodded, “I’m awake,” he agreed quietly, his eyes fluttered shut again, “I love you.” 

Y/N’s brain doesn’t really catch it -- how could her brain catch anything, really? She was so sleepy, and Harry was so warm, and soft, and she wormed her body closer around his. 

“Love you too.” She murmured but her mouth is filled with marbles and her brain doesn’t catch that either. 

                                                              .                          .                         .

“Baker bezzy!” Adam cheered when the bell on the store door’s knob clinked against the glass at their arrival, a grin stretched wide on his mouth as he stuck his arms out high in the air, “Oh, how I’ve missed you -- but the cash registers have missed you more, m’sure of it.” His brows shot straight to the sky once his gaze shifted over to Harry, “Mr. Styles, always a pleasure! And Mr. Charlie, looking dashing.” 

Y/N loved a warm welcome and Adam was always keen on giving them. Charlie was strapped to her chest in his best picnic gear, dungarees beneath his purple coat and buckled shoes that Y/N knew she was going to pop off at some point so he could stuff his toes in the sand. He held her finger in one of his hands, flashing gummy smiles with a singular tooth that had begun to sprout, and Adam waved at him with three fingers. She was appreciative of his treatment toward Harry most of all though; despite his clear surprise that he was seeing him for the first time in what may be more than a year, he covered it well. 

“Hello,” Y/N smiled brightly, “My wallet surely hasn’t missed you though if I’m honest.” 

He holds his hand over his chest, “You wound me, but I’ll let it go. Lucky for you, I’ve just pulled your favorite out of the oven.” 

“Cinnamon rolls?” She gasped, and Adam used both of his hands, waving them toward himself. 

“Yes, yes, you can say it -- Adam, you’re the best, you’re so cool, oh my god what would we do without you -- wouldn’t be the first time I heard it, and you know what?” He plucked off the glove on his right hand, typing something into the register quickly, “They’re on the house, ‘cos I missed you lot so much. Take me on your trip next time.” 

Y/N thanked him about a dozen times before picking out what else she would like, and looping one of her fingers in Harry’s belt loops to tug him closer to the display, “D’ya want a chocolate puff? I dunno’ what that is but it sounds yummy.” 

She effectively racked up a little too much, but it’d been so long since she’d been here so she deemed it only appropriate. Plus, she got free cinnamon rolls which made it a little better. Y/N tried not to spend so much time speaking with Adam as she usually does, especially when she’d realized quickly that Harry was not adding much to the conversation. He probably felt awkward -- Y/N might if she hadn’t been down walking about town for a while, unknowing of how he might be received. Adam had been kind outwardly, but were his thoughts filled with malice? Was he looking at Harry up and down, debating on whether or not he was a cruel being?

Adam had been the one to bring it up to her, but he was also the first to disagree with the population consensus. Harry didn’t know that though -- all Harry knew was that Adam was working smack in the middle of a town that thought he’d killed his wife. Y/N couldn’t say that she would be up for much conversation at that point either, but she still tried to incorporate him into the conversation though he was more so responding with polite smiles and nods. There was little tension behind it but she could still sense his discomfort and ended the conversation with a wad of cash as her gratitude; he told them to come back soon and sent a wink in their direction.

She thought nothing of it -- he always winked, whether it be to her, or the older women that come in, she reckoned he was just being a flirt. It had been so insignificant, actually, that after they made their way to the private beach, laid his lavender-colored “bleach blanket” out to sit on, and unloaded the basket (that was filled with sandwiches, chips, fruit and veggie slices, the cinnamon rolls they’d just gotten for dessert, and some mashed peas and sweet potatoes for Charlie to eat), when Harry said, “He likes you,” Y/N is more than confused.

“Who, Charlie?” She had pulled him from where he was strapped on her stomach, flipping him around so he was sitting in her lap, leaning against her torso and staring out at the ocean, “I’d sure hope so, he has to see this ol’ mug often enough.” Y/N popped open the container of mashed peas, while she let him hold onto his spoon, his fingers wrapped tightly around it while he marveled at the ladybug figure on the handle.

Harry shook his head pensively, “No, not Charlie,” he responded, and in turn, Y/N’s brows furrowed, as she took the spoon from Charlie and dipped it in the peas, “Your baker bezzy. . .Adam.”

A scoffed laugh left her mouth as she gaped at him, “Adam?” Her movements pause, the spoon stopping just short of Charlie’s mouth, and a frustrated whine peels from the back of his throat, “He absolutely does not like me!”

“I think he does,” he twists his ring at the bottom of his pinky finger, but instead of bashfully looking to the side his eyes bore into her own, “How he looks at you and talks to you -- he winked at you and gave you free cinnamon rolls. . .” he trailed off, before repeating firmly, “I think he does.”

“I think that he’s just a bit of a friendly flirter and I leave good tips,” she shook her head again, “But like me? Not like that, I’m certain of it.”

Harry straightened out his back, “How do you know?”

It hadn’t been what she was expecting, and she’s flustered as she fumbles over, “Because I just know! I figure I could piece together if someone had feelings for me or not.”

“You didn’t know I had feelings for you,” he pointed out, reaching forward to wipe away some of the food that had dribbled onto Charlie’s chin before wiping it away with a napkin, “I’d been -- I’d been enamored by you since the first week we’d met, and you had no clue, did you?”

Her eyes bulged wide, as she exclaimed, “No you weren’t!” Because she wasn’t that blind, was she? The first few weeks they knew each other Harry had been so cold and closed off; she would shuffle back and forth anxiously behind him while he methodically made his morning coffee hoping he wasn’t moments from telling her she was fired. As time went on, they’d certainly gotten closer, but she would have had to say that bridge was crossed further than just a week of meeting, “Harry, I thought you hated me that first week.”

“I was incredibly fond of you. More so than I should have been and more so than I particularly cared to admit at the time. You smelled like fresh linen and sweets all the time, and your smile always reached your eyes; I never imagined you would feel even remotely the same for me, so I tried to be as distant as possible with you working in my house but it was difficult -- you made it very difficult.” Again, Y/N wishes that even for a moment he would break away his gaze, because she’s captivated by his words and mesmerized by the way the sunlight brought sparkles to the green of his irises, “When you held me for the first time, it felt like my insides had melted and it was all I could think about for weeks after.”

Her heart was hammering, thundering in her ears, “Harry --”

“And I was so cold toward you because I hated myself for feeling that way, but it felt good to be warmed in the light that you emit. All of that is beside the point,” he huffed out a breath, pointing his finger toward himself, “If I could hide that right under your nose, then he could definitely hide liking you behind free cinnamon rolls and cheeky winks.”

It took Y/N a while to find what to say, her mind racing a hundred thoughts a second, but she felt as if no response she conjured up would be good enough. Her heart filled with butterflies, that fluttered down to her stomach and made her giddy all over. She felt like a kid again, as she flushed warm, so it was only reasonable that in true teenage fashion her response was to nudge him with her foot, trying not to grin as hard as she wanted to.

“Harry,” she began, “You’re jealous.”

A disgruntled look took his face, and for a moment Y/N almost regrets saying it, but then he responds.

“I am,” he admitted, shoulders slumped and for the first time he shifts his gaze from her to the ring he’s twisting around his finger, “Like a petulant child,” he sounded upset with himself, giving a strong sigh, “I am jealous that you may have feelings for him because I think you two would do well with each other. And I -- I fear that I’m not very fun.”

His honesty is a lot, but it’s refreshing. Like breathing the air of a meadow far from the city smog that sat heavy in the lungs, where the grass is green and dewy, the flowers have all blossomed, it feels like living in a painting and it smells like renewal and it’s clear as looking through crystals. He speaks from his heart; his words are sincere, and it makes her feel like she’s floating. She wishes he didn’t look so grumpy about it though -- and she wishes he didn’t think that he wasn’t fun.

So Y/N plopped the spoon back into the peas and set it off to the side for a moment, placing her hand on Charlie’s tummy and keeping him pressed to her body as she began to shuffle from where she’d been positioned. She carefully avoided the food they had set up, but she urgently pats at his thighs until he gets the hint to spread them open. Y/N spun around so she faced out toward the water again, only this time she pressed her back up against his torso and lied against him, settling Charlie back in the cradle of her crossed legs, taking the peas in hand.

“If I had feelings for Adam that surpassed friendly, then I would be in the bakery kneading bread or summat. And if I didn’t have fun with you Harry, then I would avoid every chance of seeing you outside of your house for more than a few minutes at the time,” she tilted her head back, craning her neck so that she could look up at him some, and she finds that he’s looking at her, “If I wanted to be anywhere else right now, then I would be, but I’m not because I want to be with you.” She knocks his foot against hers, “Aish, you’re silly.”  

Harry smiled, his hand cradled the side of her face and petted at her jawline tenderly, “I’m sorry,” he murmured, the waves crash against the shore in a particularly loud burst but he’s so close she can still hear him clearly, “I know I worry too much. I’ve never had this amount of reassurance before.”

She grinned, “Well if it’s reassurance you need, then I’ve got a load of it!” Y/N dipped the spoon in the peas and fed Charlie again, “I love a bit of reassurance myself, so I try to dish it out as much as possible, y’know?”

He dips his forehead against the back of her head, and breathes in deep, wrapping his arms around both her and Charlie.

Harry says nothing but he doesn’t have to.

Their lunch is pleasant, the sun is warm, and Charlie fell asleep soon after they had finished, resting with his cheek on her chest and his arms slung around her body. Y/N was moments from sleep herself, with her belly full and her mind swimming in drowsy clouds. It hadn’t helped that Harry was petting so gently at her arm, accompanied with murmured stories of his childhood by her request. Harry had always told her that he’d grown up with money, and from the time spent with his parents that much was clear, but she was curious by the extent of it. Growing up her family hadn’t been in the worst shape, but definitely not the best, so the polarity of their younger years was interesting to her.

He’d told her about the birthdays that he had, one of which included him and his four closest friends taking a trip to Disney World. His parents covered the entirety of the visit, along with bringing Harry’s nanny along so that she could watch over all five of the nine-year-olds (which clued her in that paying for nannies on their trips was a standard practice Harry had carried over). Nothing had been off-limits, he’d told her, that whatever he had set his eyes on he got and Y/N mused over the possibilities of all the things his nine-year-old self had determined he needed. Shirts, stuffies, figurines -- he told her his mum had kept them all, and each year on his birthday she sends one of the stuffed animals with his actual gift (which she’d been doing for eight years now, meaning that he had gotten at least eight stuffed animals and with the price of those things? Christ!).

And then he told her about his first kiss, back when he was 11 under an apple tree at his Nan’s farm, with the daughter of a family friend. He told her it was horrible, and he’d been so nervous that he’d cried leading up to it, but he regarded the memory fondly. Harry kept in touch with her for years after and had even been the first person she’d come out to when they were teenagers -- he came with her on her first date and spied from a distance because she had watched one too many crime shows and had been positive she was going to be kidnapped, but it went well. When the date had gone to the restroom, Harry slid over to the table and slipped her money to pay the tab and get ice cream afterward.

Y/N had inquired about his schooling, and he told her all the ins-and-outs of the private school that he’d attended. He said it had been pleasantly boring, but went on to tell her an extensive four-part story about a student-teacher relationship that somehow managed to last three of their four years there. It had pulled her from the dreamy state she had slipped into, finding that she’d slipped down so her head was in his lap as she opened her eyes and gaped up at him, “That’s like -- like, incredibly illegal.”

“Don’t I know it,” Harry had agreed, “I always knew something was up with the bloke — he ate raisin bread every lunch period.”

A horrified gasp left her mouth, “No, the monster! Why every lunch period?”

“Couldn’t tell you. It was very unsettling.”

After that, Harry started describing a trip that he’d taken to Japan during cherry blossom season, and went into extreme detail about how the air smelled, and how the wind felt against his skin. He told her that words and pictures would never be able to translate how beautiful it was, but he tried his best to as he traced looping patterns with the tips of his fingers onto her cheeks. That’s when her eyes had fluttered closed, and that’s when she started falling into a pleasant slumber. Harry still spoke though she knew he could see that she was falling asleep, but he doesn’t mention it other than caressing her jaw and murmuring, “Sleepy thing.”

Y/N is unsure how long they are there, but she is very sure that she’s never been more comfortable in her life. And as he coaxes her awake, she opened her eyes, squinting at the sun that still sat high over them while she tried to refocus on his face, “Hm?” She hummed and Harry giggled brightly.

“I said let’s get you two home, Angel,” he helped guide her from his lap, but he doesn’t rush her -- just a gentle hand on her back as she cradles a still-sleeping Charlie to her body as she sat up, “When I checked the weather they called for rain in an hour or two. Reckon it wouldn’t be very fun to get caught up in the storm.”

They clean up after themselves thoroughly, and Y/N carefully places Charlie in his holder that was fixed on Harry’s chest this time. As they walk toward the car, Y/N can tell that Harry is deep in thought but she doesn’t question him on it -- she didn’t like to pry or push him to say things if he wasn’t ready to, which made it all the more gratifying when he did open up to her, even about little things. Though this thing, apparently, had felt very big to Harry -- at least the furrow in his brow was telling her that.

“I --” he began, and Y/N paused, her hand wrapped around the handle of the door, humming to let him know she was listening, “I need to go to the store.”

She controlled her features well enough, she’d say, because her brows don’t skyrocket at the suggestion of going in an even more public area than the bakery, “Oh? What d’ya need?”

With a clear of his throat, he explained, “We ran out of creamer and paracetamol,” his fingers are clutched tight around the keys but he finally digs the pad of his thumb on the button to unlock the car, “It’ll only be a moment.”

Y/N popped the door open, “Well that’s easy enough! I can pop in for you if you want. Or we could go in together too!” It rolled off her tongue -- she tried to act as natural as she could about it; she couldn’t let him go into that store alone. The thought of it gave her hives all over, “I might as well pick up a few things myself.”

Harry gave a ruminative smile, one that barely reached his eyes and only twitched the corner of her mouth by the smallest of quirks. It was very reminiscent of the sort of smiles she’d been privy to when they’d first met, and she’d not realized how much she hadn’t missed it at all. She liked the smiles that she received now, big and bright, rosy cheeks but a beautiful light behind his gaze. No, this one was cold and contemplative -- this one spoke of loneliness and pain.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want you to go in by yourself.” Harry questioned and she didn’t waste a moment, nodding quickly.

“Of course,” she popped the door open, “Yeah, we’ll both go in then. In and out, right?”

He was nervous. Even if Y/N had not an inkling of a clue about his past (and his present, she guesses) with this town, she could feel the tension thick and heavy in her chest. It makes her shuffle uncomfortably, silence filling the car apart from the tick of his blinker as they made their way to the market. Her heart hammered as he parked the car, and it continued to hammer as they got out of the car, Harry placed Charlie into his holder against his body and they walked toward the store. Y/N tried to lighten the mood even just a little, and again she got that tiny little smile, that made her shoulders sink just slightly.

She thinks the tension eases when they walk through the doors and are not immediately stoned. Y/N isn’t a hundred percent sure what the both of them expected, but she guesses something to that extent was what had built up in their heads. A deep breath in and she tried one more time, and squeezed his shoulder once as a silent reminder that she was right there beside him, “They have those red bean buns here, right? I’ll get us some of those.”

Harry scrunched his nose at her, “I think your body functions solely off sweets now, doesn’t it? If not for me  you would not eat any real food.”

It felt as if both of them had been holding air in their lungs but finally sighed out, and each passing minute without a scene breaking out among the others in the grocery, the more they both relaxed. While she could still feel Harry’s worry, he had even begun joking some with her, not letting his guard down but making an effort not to let on how uncomfortable he was to her.

Y/N had really thought they’d made it through the whole store without any trouble, as she slipped the red bean buns into their basket. Harry had been right in the middle of asking her if she’d like anything else while they were still here, just as they passed a woman in a purple knitted sweater. If Y/N hadn’t been staring at one of the stitches at the back of the neck that was just a bit loose, she may not have caught it, and maybe it would have been better if she hadn’t. Maybe it would have been better if her ears hadn’t perked up to hear the uttered, “Disgusting,” that left the woman’s mouth as her gaze caught Y/N’s.

Her brows dip as she paused, her upper half had already been turned and her bottom half followed so she faced the woman fully, “Excuse me?” Y/N said it without thinking, and Harry hums as if he thought she was speaking to him, “Ma’am, what did you say?”

The woman had little shame as she turned to face Y/N, face pinched as if she were revolted, and Y/N’s heart began to sink as she realized what was happening, and with Harry right beside her no less, “I said disgusting,” she put emphasis on the word, “For him to show his face here. We all thought he’d moved.”

Y/N scoffed, “Listen, you need to --”

“Y/N,” Harry’s voice cut through her sentence, his hand resting idly on her shoulder, drawing her attention from the woman, “It isn’t worth it. We should go home.”

The pain in his eyes makes her heart sink lower; she felt as it eroded in her stomach’s acid, and the fight in her had been snuffed out like a small flame beneath a shoe. Y/N looked from the both of them, perturbed by the situation, conflicted only slightly as she swallowed and began to turn away from her. She would have left to -- for Harry’s sake, she would have left and pretended that it hadn’t happened at all until he felt comfortable enough to bring it up -- she would have, really.

“Yeah, why don’t you go home? Wife killer.”  

She really would have.

“Actually, I think you’re the disgusting one,” Y/N had begun as she turned back around, “To say something so cruel. He lost his wife and you’ve decided that it’s his fault? You’re the worst kind of cruel -- downright evil,” her nails pinch into her palms, “You’re awful!”

“Y/N --” Harry tried again, but the woman cut her off quickly.

“He’s the awful one!” She seemed shocked Y/N could have even suggested otherwise, “You’re new here, Honey, so I’ll let you in on what your boyfriend did. He killed his wife after treating her awfully -- cheating on her!” Her words were vile, and to say all of this in front of Harry. The rage that lit through her vessels was enough to make her feel like she was burning up, “And he got away with it ‘cos he can afford fancy lawyers to cover up the truth. So before you go around calling people you don’t know evil, look at the man beside you. And learn some respect.”

Y/N took a small breath, just a moment to collect her thoughts.

“Fuck off.”

“Excuse me?” The woman’s brows raise.

“Respectfully, Fuck. Off.” Y/N’s glare was undeviating, but she could feel eyes on them -- other people watching them closely, though they wouldn’t show it outright, “Were you there when it happened?” She stepped forward, “Or are you God? Some deity?” The woman appeared confounded, like her argument should have been able to sway Y/N, “I don’t think you are -- I think. . .I think you’re a foul creature that thinks you have the right to judge a situation you had no part of. And I think you should think about someone’s feelings before you start saying something with no real basis other than word of mouth from other people just as rotten as you. You really need to do some soul searching if you think that this is the proper way to confront anyone about your feelings. I hope you think about this before you go to bed at night.” She stepped back, closer toward Harry before taking another small breath, “You’re lucky you didn’t wake the baby, or you would have really upset me. Goodbye.”

With this, she turned back on her heel,  and carefully guided Harry by his shoulder to follow her as he let the basket sit on the ground where they’d been. Her eyes burned with tears of frustration and anger, as the look on his face when the woman had first stopped them replayed over and over again in her head. Maybe if she had fought him on it -- maybe if she had just fought him a little harder, he would have stayed in the car and she could have spared him from having to hear that woman. She gave in too easily, and when he tried to get them to leave, she stayed to fight which. . .well, she doesn’t regret saying anything that she did, but she does regret making Harry look bad if she had.

All she had done was bring more attention to them -- she blew it out wide open and brought everyone into his business. She wouldn’t be shocked if he were upset with her. . .no matter her defending him.

“Y/N,” he says her name, but she doesn’t respond at first, swallowed in her thoughts she barely registered that he’d said anything, “Y/N.”

“Yes?” She responded, her hand sliding from his shoulder and back down toward her side.

He paused for a moment, “You knew?”

For a moment, everything freezes.

Her breath caught in her throat, and her heart hiccuped over a beat; Y/N’s fingers twitched where they sat at her sides, her lips hung open waiting for her brain to muster a response -- anything. Could she figure out something to say? Anything at all?

“Y --” she sighed, her blood roaring in her ears, “Yes,” she answered, shoulders slumping in defeat, “I knew. But not -- I didn’t know at the start at all.”

“How long?” Charlie began to blink his eyes open, slow as a pleased cat, “You knew for how long?”

Was he angry with her? Y/N couldn’t tell -- she couldn’t read him at all and it made her palms sweat. She hadn’t been technically lying but she still felt immense guilt suffocating her at the realization that she hadn’t been entirely truthful either. Not that she ever had the opportunity to just. . .bring it up, but still -- fuck, she didn’t know what to do.

“Since the third week.”

                                                       .                            .                         .

The ride to his house is silent.

Not the comfortable one that they sometimes fell into; like when she’s so focused staring out the window that no words come to her mouth, where the engine’s lulled purr and Charlie’s small giggles and babbles fizzled through the quiet. The kind where Harry had much recently started placing his hand on her thigh, resting it there with no real purpose other than to touch her. One where she feels content and calm, and if she let her eyes flutter shut she could drift off to sleep, the sun disappearing and reappearing as they drive past trees creating pink flickers behind her lids.

No, this wasn’t like that at all.

There was no noise. It felt like even the car had sensed the tension and held its breath waiting for one of them to slice words through the quiet. Her gaze was trained out the window but her fingers shook and her heart raced -- she could hear it thumping in her ears. She should have kept her mouth shut, she’s decided that if she hadn’t said anything at all then everything would be okay. If she had ignored the woman’s tasteless murmur, then she and Harry could have been laughing right now. Maybe they would have sat at one of the park benches, or pushed Charlie on the swing. Maybe Harry would share one of her sweets with her while the sun began to sink. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so downtrodden and gloomy.

Clouds thick with rain pulled in from the North and had Harry not mentioned them earlier, she would have thought the weather had changed with the mood. It was befitting, at the very least, the heavy drops spatter the glass as the gates open for them, and the loud iron hinges that usually make her cringe is a welcomed piercing into the silence. If it were a normal day, Y/N would joke that they should ditch the gate and invest in a moat instead  -- she thinks Harry might have chuckled.

Y/N half expects him to tell her to go home, but he doesn’t. The first words he spoke after about 20 minutes of nothing was a gentle request to take Charlie in, and warning her that Niall would be stopping by for something. She vaguely remembered him mentioning Niall earlier before all this, so she doesn’t panic that he was lifting her of her duties and going back to how things had been before her, but the thought had still arisen, no matter how fleeting.

“Do you need help grabbing everything?” She inquired, but he only shook his head.

“I’ll be okay.”

It was rotten -- this feeling that had begun to overcome her was as rotten as the wood in a forgotten cabin and as dense as sludge from the bottom of a polluted river. This was her fault. . .god, if she had just kept her stupid mouth shut!

But how could she? The lady had been so spiteful and so cruel, and to witness it happening rather than just theorizing about it, made it much too real. At that moment, the weight of what Harry had been going through here had finally settled deep in her chest and it made her sick. She didn’t know what happened but she knew he had vivid nightmares -- she knew the lost, faraway look that would take over his face at the mention of his wife, and she knew the pain that crossed his features every moment he’d uttered how he doesn’t really go to town.

They all so viciously passed judgment on them for something they knew absolutely nothing about and Y/N defended him for something she knew nothing about. It felt as if it had happened either seconds ago or hours ago like she was caught in a figure-eight of time that couldn’t decide what it wanted to be -- seconds, minutes, hours. Tears still burned behind her eyes but she refused to shed them, as she hid away for a little while with Charlie in his playroom. The only time she comes out is just a little over two hours of them being home when it was time for Charlie’s supper. Just as she’d stepped onto the hardwood from the last step, the doorbell rang and Y/N was quick to answer it.

Niall is revealed once she pulls the door open, and the warmth of his grin combats the chill of evening air that rushed in the foyer, “Hey, Y/N!”

“Hi,” she smiled, stepping out of the way so that he could step in, “How was your winter break?”

Niall loosened his scarf from around his throat, “If Mr. Styles asks, it was dull, boring and I couldn’t wait to get back to work, but between you, me, and Charlie, I wish we had about four more weeks of it.”

She led them in and went to the kitchen while Niall made his way to Harry’s office. Y/N fuddled about making Charlie’s dinner, but could only stomach a glass of water for herself as she fed him. Normally she would dance between giving Charlie some, then eating a bite of her food, and making idle chatter with him as she did so. She still tried to chatter at him so he didn’t notice the difference, but she knew he could feel something was off. Babies were smart little things, and they could read energy better than anyone in a room like they had built-in radars that either dampen or strengthen with time.

Instead of feeding off it in a bad way and getting fussy, he’s just extra cuddly though. Held one of her fingers while she slid mashed carrots into his mouth and cooed at his puckered lips while he tasted it. No matter what happened today, this little guy knew no different -- just another day for him. . .she longed to switch places.

Just as she had wiped his face clean of his food and filled the dishwasher with what she used, the door to Harry’s office opens, followed by a call of, “See you, Mr. Styles!” So she turned her body toward the opening to the kitchen so she could bid him a farewell too, and soon enough he pops into the frame, “Hey, I’m heading out. Mr. Styles said after you lay Charlie down to come speak with him,” Y/N’s breathing hitched, Niall raised his fingers that he had crossed with a grin, “Hope it’s for a raise. See you later!”

“See you later,” she called after him but it was weak, and her heart (that had just finally begun to settle) began to hammer again. It continued to do so as she pulled Charlie from his seat, and all throughout his nighttime routine. She still tries for him, smiling at him, humming, and talking as she washed him clean of the day, blew raspberries into his tummy after she lotioned his skin, and dressed him in something warm and cozy. Charlie would fall asleep if she set him in his crib, she knew that, but to soothe herself and prolong what may be an intense conversation, she sat him in her lap and read him a story. Even after he’d fallen asleep in her arms, she pressed her nose to his soft hair and tried to calm herself down.

Eventually, it couldn’t be helped any longer. Her nerves got the better of her and she lowered him into his crib, turned off the light, clicked his sound machine on low, and crept out of the room quietly. She knew Harry would still be in his office because she hadn’t heard him go to his bedroom, so she walked down the steps and tried to soothe the worry from her bones as she grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen. No matter what, it was still Harry -- still the man who was always so gentle and kind with her. Today had thrown him off -- it would throw anyone off, so she understood why he was so quiet and distant. She would be too if the circumstances were flipped.

Still, she hated how this felt, as her knuckles knocked against the wood and she held her breath, waiting for him to speak.

“Come in.”

One more deep breath and she pushes the door open, and instead of making her way to his side like she had been doing, she stood at the door awkwardly, waiting for him to speak first. If she had been the one to initiate this then she would have prepared something to say, but she stays quiet -- he invited her down, so he had something to say, and she was keen on hearing it. Harry stood in front of his desk, his bum resting against the lip of it with his legs outstretched, and he held himself up with his hands on either side of him. He doesn’t avoid her gaze, locking it with her own, and she watched as he took a deep breath of his own, blowing a small stream of air through pursed lips.

“First, I want to apologize,” he finally started, and Y/N swallowed thickly, “I shouldn’t have -- I shouldn’t have subjected you to an environment I knew could have been hostile. We should have gone home and I should have just ordered it.” Her brows knit immediately, and she opened her mouth to refute that, that could have been his fault in any way but he held up his hand, “Please, Sweetheart, I -- I need to -- I need to get through this.”

She nodded, the twist in her belly partially satiated by the term of endearment -- he wasn’t mad at her, at the very least -- that helped a great deal.

“I should have, but I hadn’t because  -- because things just feel so normal with you, and I wanted that. . .I wanted to go to the grocery store with you how we could in the city, and to be normal here. I thought that maybe we could, but for my own selfish reasons, I didn’t think it through nearly enough.” He shook his head at himself, “And I apologize for shutting down the way that I did on the ride home. It was naive of me to believe you could work for me this long and not know what is thought of me here. I think a part of me thought you might know but you had always -- you had always treated me so kindly, and you never asked questions so I had suspicions that you may have heard a passing word of it but not in great detail.” One of his hands, he combs through his hair, sighing before he started again, his voice shook only slightly with the first syllable before he got a hold of it, “I told myself several times that if you. . .if you had ever asked what had happened to my wife, I would tell you everything. I would open my heart to you in every way imaginable before you could -- before they could say anything to you. So I was frustrated finding out that you had already heard that side of it, and that I wasn’t able to speak with you before you could think that I was a murderer --”

“I don’t,” she cut him off firmly, “I don’t think that at all.”

His lips twitched again, in a small smile that just barely reached his eyes that tilted down to the floor, “I want to tell you,” he took in a shaky breath, “I need to tell you, but I’m scared. I haven’t. . .I haven’t really told anyone the whole thing, but --” he looked back up to her, “Do you want to know? Are you -- are you willing to listen to me?”

“Yes, Harry,” she answered with assured conviction, without even a moment passing by, “I want you to tell me everything. If you want me to know then I want to know.”

He nodded,  “Okay,” he murmured, “Can we sit?”

They positioned themselves on the couch, and Y/N took the decorative pillow that would be pressed against her back and sat it in her lap. She curled her arms around it, her fingers idly playing with the tassel at the bottom left corner just to give herself something to do. Harry was preparing himself to speak, and despite how relieved she was to finally get the story, she felt her heart clench in pity for him. Re-living it would be difficult, but he wanted to tell her -- he said he needed to tell her -- so she would listen.

“Ebba and I had met when we were 18 but had only been officially together for 2 years before we started to have problems,” he finally said, shifting uncomfortably on his side of the couch, his fingers fixed around the ring he’d been playing with earlier today, “It was little stuff at first -- little fights and grievances, but we both had decided that it was normal, that kind of thing. Couples bicker and argue because they love each other enough to, that’s what my mum had always said and it had always sounded about right. So we would have tiffs and make-up and it would be well again, but. . .well, the arguments started getting a little worse, especially around our anniversary. She kept accusing me of cheating on her, again and again, and again, but I hadn’t even so much as thought about another woman since I asked her on our first date.” He stared at a spot on the floor -- he looked far away, “And it’s a shit feeling being accused of something like that, so I would fight her back.”

“You’d think we would have taken a break or something to cool off from each other, but we were 23 so instead we moved in together. Thought maybe if we were around each other more then questions of infidelity could be shattered because we would be around each other more. This is around the time I started really gaining my footing in the industry, you know? And Ebba -- well, she’d already had a well-established place at her mother’s company so she was doing just fine. We played happy home for a little while in the new place in the city but it went. . .it went bad again, a few months in. She became very. . .aggressive when we fought, like -- like smashing things and breaking things, but I always figured that was kind of my fault. Could never admit when I was in the wrong about something so I’d just keep pushing her, y’know? Or it had felt that way at least, like no matter what I said I would just push her and push her and push her. But we --” he dipped his head down, staring into his lap, “We loved each other so much, we didn’t want to end things. Had plenty of conversations about ending it, and she’d even packed her bags a few times but we’d never go through with it. If she left, she’d show back up at our flat the next day.”

He took a small breath, pausing for a moment like he was collecting his thoughts again and Y/N offered him the water that sat at their feet. Harry nodded and took two drinks before he continued.

“My mum suggested couple’s counseling, ‘cos she and my father had once when they were younger, so we did. The woman they had gone to see was still in practice so we went and did about 12 sessions. It worked for a little while, or well enough that I thought proposing was the next best step -- we had re-entered that honeymoon stage again and it felt like we were on top of the world. So I proposed and we got married, and it was good for a few months but then I got a promotion,” he twisted the cap back on the bottle, setting it back where it had been on the ground beside her leg, “So I was traveling less with her, and I had less time off but that was a decision I made for myself, the company hadn’t made it. I wanted to -- for selfish reasons. . .it was all for selfish reasons. I wanted more money and I wanted to climb up the company and to learn from the best, but I couldn’t do that if I was spending summer weeks in Cabo. But I never -- I was never clear behind my motives for doing it, so she thought I was just trying to avoid her. Avoid her and “fuck some old computer prick’s wife” is what she would say. And the more we would fight, the longer I would stay at work, the less we would see each other.”

Y/N’s mind was spinning; it felt like Harry was dropping pieces of information that she followed closely behind to collect, fixing them into a timeline that he’d created. Her heart was still beating quickly.

“The first time I caught her cheating, she cried to me after I walked in on them -- it was some bloke from her job, I think, but she had thought I was gone at a business conference for a week. We’d had a massive fight before I left about me leaving, so I had changed my flight a day early to surprise her. The flat was trashed and she was there on the bed with him in our room. I wanted to leave -- to stay at a hotel for the night but she was sobbing, and she was drunk, and I couldn’t leave her alone. So I stayed, and the next few days were rough but then we talked it out, and we cried, and it was good again.” He gave a small self-deprecating smile, “That happened only one more time in that flat, but it technically “didn’t count” because we were on something of a break. I didn’t really see it as that kind of break, but I hadn’t been clear, I suppose.”

It was hard to hear him reflect on it, still finding fault in things that he shouldn’t at all find fault in. Her chest ached for him.

“I went back to school for my Master’s in an accelerated program when I was about 25. I told her I wanted to teach because I wanted to share my knowledge and help students put their best foot forward how some of my good professors allowed me to. Which was true, for the most part, but most of me just wanted to be away from her. I couldn’t handle it anymore -- the fighting, and the breaking, the yelling and the. ..and the hitting. It just felt good to not be home, but instead of being honest with her, I just found more reasons to not be alone with her for more than a dinner or two. I regret that. . .I regret not being honest.” He took in a shaky breath, “2ish before she died, we moved out here, and that was the real end for us. It started out kind of good, like always but then she started disappearing for days at a time. She had started drinking a lot and partying, and the worse our fights got. I tried to get her help -- I could see she was unhappy and this was never the life she wanted to live. It was too close to her father, and she hated it, and so I tried but she didn’t want it. She would say that she wasn’t addicted to anything, she was just having fun because life with me was miserable. I told her I wanted a divorce.”

His eyes had started to become glossy, she noticed how dewy they looked from the glow of his lamp, so she placed her hand on his knee and stroked it carefully with her thumb.

“At first she didn’t fight me on it, only packed her bags and said she would be with her mother for a while. A week later she came and told me that Charlie was in her belly and he was mine -- it was bittersweet. For once I understood why people tried to make marriages work for a child’s sake, and for nine months we were. . .fine. We weren’t awful but we weren’t good either -- we were just fine. But when Charlie was born I. . .” he paused, “When he was born I just had a feeling. A sick, disgusting feeling but it was there nagging at the back of my head and I couldn’t quiet it. So one day when she had gone out with her friends, I took Charlie and we got a paternity test.”

Y/N forces her face to stay neutral.

Her breathing pauses entirely.

“5 days later I found out that Charlie wasn’t mine,” his brows furrowed, and he shook his head, “I confronted her about it. I didn’t -- I didn’t care that he wasn’t mine, I had already fallen in love with him but I needed her to know that I knew. I wanted to know who his real father was. I wanted to know why, if there was any doubt that he could have been mine, did she not tell me. She got upset, she took Charlie and went to stay with her mother again. I didn’t see either of them for 4 months, until -- until one day someone knocked on my door but they were gone before I’d gotten there, and in their place was Charlie. It was too cold for him to be out there so I brought him inside first and I made sure he was warm and taken care of before I called her. I called her again, and again, and again, and again. Niall was there for that, which -- well, he really shouldn’t have been here even while he’s a TA but he was struggling with the material for an exam in one of his other courses and asked me to help him. I hadn’t been on campus so he drove out and we’d been studying in my office.” He explained, wiping a tear from his cheek, “I wonder. . .I always wonder what must have been going on in his head to see his professor like that. Couldn’t bring myself to look at his face but he was playing with Charlie for me, while I was pacing.”

“I checked her location and saw she was in the city, and I -- I apologized and begged Niall to sit with Charlie while I went to see if everything was okay. I just had this horrible feeling, because it hadn’t felt like the other times where she would just disappear and not answer my calls. If she was in the city already then it couldn’t have been her to drop Charlie off, someone else had. Halfway there I got a call from her mum and -- she was sobbing, and asking if Ebba was with me. If I knew where she was, and I told her I was on my way there. She told me that Ebba had written her a letter and left it on the counter for her, for when she got home. She said she was going to -- she said she was done with it all. With everything -- with life.”

It’s getting harder for him to continue, tears fall freely from his eyes now but he still won’t allow himself to truly break and Y/N’s hold on his knee tightens.

“She was at this bridge -- it used to be really popular a decade ago but they started construction on it that never finished, so it was basically deserted. By the time I had gotten there, the police were already there and they were -- her body was covered at the river below the bridge. I cried into the dirt, and I screamed and I screamed and I screamed until an officer’s hands touched my back and he sat me up. Her mom showed up around then too. It was awful. . .it was so, so, so fucking horrible.” He wiped at his face again, “When they actually looked over her, she was -- she had a lot of different drugs in her system.”

“And everyone. . .everyone in this fucking town had thought I killed her and after. . .and after all this time, it started to feel like it. I would have -- I hadn’t seen her for months at that point, there was nothing I could have done, but they look at me like I’m a fucking monster. Like I pushed her off the bridge myself. There stupid fucking theories -- they didn’t think I could hear them but I could. How I didn’t act like Charlie was my son because I resented him and his mother. I love him with my whole heart but those first few months after her death and even sometimes now I’m just so. . .I’m so scared that his biological father will come for him. I didn’t want to -- it sounds stupid now, but I didn’t want to get too close so it wouldn’t hurt as bad when he was taken from me, but even that didn’t work. I’m stiff and stuffy but I love him, and even though the whole relationship was nothing but tattered ribbon by the end, I would have never hurt her. I had. . .I didn’t love her anymore. I hadn’t felt any true love for her for years at that point, but I didn’t want her dead, and with a child in this world no less! But no -- no they made me out to be a killer.“

Y/N is overwhelmed by all of it -- every single word had been more and more difficult to process, and there was no hope of her being able to formulate a response that would do him any good just moments after he’d finished telling her. Sympathy and sorrow weigh in her muscles as she moves forward, wrapping her arms tightly around Harry’s body and dragging him into her own. As if had taken a sledgehammer to the last stonewall he had up around him, he sobs. He holds her close, even tighter than he has after a nightmare, and he lets every emotion that he’d been bottling up out all at once. It’s heartbreaking; her own tears wet her cheeks.

She isn’t sure how long he cried, but it wanes slowly, reduced to hiccups and sniffles. Y/N would have held him to her chest as long as he wanted -- all night and into the morning if that’s what he needed -- but when he’s finally settled, he begins to withdraw. His cheeks are red and wet, his eyes are puffy, his lips are bitten swollen and fuchsia red -- he looks absolutely fucking exhausted. Y/N cradles his face in her hands and guides him to look at her, stroking the damp skin of his face with her thumbs as she spoke.

“Thank you for telling me. I know it must have been very hard,” he nodded, “I don’t think I could ever have the right words to say, to absolve you of any guilt you’re feeling, or to make any of your pain go away, but I do -- I do want to tell you,” his lips quiver, “That Charlie is your son, even though you don’t share blood. You’ve raised him, and you care for him, and when he sees you you can just tell that he is yours, and no matter what happens nothing can change that fact. And I wanted to tell you, that you were not at fault for her death. There was nothing you could have done, so you cannot blame yourself for that, because she was sick Harry.  And you can’t solely take the blame for what you’d been through in your relationship either -- it was abusive. You’ve been through so, so much and nobody should ever have to go through anything like that,” she leaned forward, and pushed a kiss to his forehead, “I’m so sorry, Harry. I wish I could take it all away.”

Harry took in a shaky breath, “Thank you for listening to me,” he murmured, “And for. . .and for not believing them and what they said about me. And for telling Mrs. Stuart off in the grocery. And for. . .for everything,” he dipped down, touching their foreheads together, and he giggled a small bit, “I want -- I want to get better. To process all the trauma of it so I can be the best version of myself for you and Charlie. Reckon I should probably look into therapy.”

Y/N breathed out a laugh, “I think that may be beneficial, yeah. Think everyone could use a bit of therapy -- nothing shameful about it.”

“Yeah,” he nodded to himself, “I think I’ll do that.”

                                                     .                              .                               .

Y/N had not foreseen how light the air around them would be. Even lighter than before; if a week ago it felt like floating on clouds with him, then now they move when the wind blows even a gentle gust. It’s good and it’s freeing, and if it feels as if there’s a weight off her chest then she knows Harry must feel a weight off his.

It was a lot — all of it was so much, and she doesn’t think she could truly comprehend the pain that Harry had suffered through but though it hurts to know, she’s glad to understand him more. To understand all his stony bits and all his worn, weathered bits. To push a piece that had been missing in the puzzle and see the full picture — and while it was agonizing to retell, she noticed how even now Harry has softened more, and she had already thought he was as soft as he could’ve been.

As if he were porcelain, Y/N treats him delicately. She knows how he must feel right now, exhausted and raw; his inner thoughts and the source of his nightmares cracked open and spread out before the both of them. He deserved to be touched kindly, and gently. With warmth and love and care. Y/N knew it wasn’t her responsibility to pick up the broken pieces and tape them back together -- that would be too much work for any one person to do for another -- but she vowed right then to help him. In her mind, she promised to hand him bits of tape when he was sticking parts together or helping him reach his back. She’d support him in any way she could because she. . .she felt so deeply for him. Y/N doesn’t think she’d ever felt this way for anyone before -- she knows she hasn’t, actually.

She drew him a bath and sat with him while he soaked in the tub, the both of them just wanting to be close. Needing to be close. He had offered for her to climb into the tub but she politely declined, “Let me take care of you for tonight,” she murmured, “I’ll take you up on that tomorrow though if the offer still stands.”

“The offer will always stand.”

Y/N shampoos his hair for him, massaging his scalp and soaping up the strands for no other reason than she knew it would feel good. They understand it without words, which is why Y/N simply sheds her clothes and digs through his drawers for a shirt to sleep in as he dries off. And it’s why she crawled into his bed beside him, immediately adhering to his side, their legs tangling and their arms wrapping around each other like if they even for a second thought about letting go, the other would float away.

Y/N pushes kisses all over his face, loving on him in every way that she could because she could and he accepted it happily. His smiles were soft and sweet and made her melt. She just wanted him to remember that he was with her, right now, in the present -- away from that. Away from the pain and the hurt. The look in his eyes when she paused and just stared at him for a little while said everything that she needed to know without words, but when he said it aloud, it felt even sweeter.

“You mean the world to me,” he hummed, the pads of his fingers smoothing over her temple, stroking down to caress her jaw, “I love you.”

Her heart swells full, and she bites down a grin that threatens to split her cheeks.

“I love you too.” She responded, lowering down so her face was pressed to his chest. He’s warm -- she lets her eyes flutter closed as she immerses herself in him. His essence and his being; she breathes him in greedily.

Harry is quiet for a moment, long enough that she thinks they may be going to bed for the night, but he chuckled suddenly.

“Weird,” he murmured, “Feels like we’ve said that before.”