#rather than whatever's cheap yknow

[144116]

dear fr staff please stop making me spend my treasure and gems i am so poor

[phagodyke]

bc im deaf i have to use a vibrating alarm to wake up instead of an audible one but mine is fucking BROKEN the battery runs down so fast + unexpectedly + it keeps randomly shutting down even when its NOT out of charge so how am i supposed to wake up!!!!!!!! blegh

[skribbyposts]

Another zosan post bc they invade my thoughts every waking moment !! also i'm typing on mobile so this might be weirdly formatted

anyways, hc that Sanji is the MOST TOUCHY DRUNK to ever exist and he's all over all of his crewmates all the time. in addition to this, Sanji is also a fucking horrible lightweight. like.... tipsy after two beers lightweight. Sanji also YAPS to whoever's nearest to him about everything and anything that comes to his mind. Zoro is his main victim all of the time and does not appreciate it (yes he does, hes so gay) and its so funny to the rest of the crew b/c he has to peel a rambling sanji off of him while blushing so much he looks like a really tan tomato.

Nami + Usopp appear briefly here b/c i love their friendship so much heart emoji!!! <3333

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ugh, marimo, get off of me."

Zoro sighs from his position pressed against the edge of a bench, having what is arguably the worst time ever in the corner of some random bar he's been dragged to by the rest of the crew.

"I'm not on you, cook. move your goddamn leg."

"No, you move your leg."

Zoro tries in vain to shuffle away from the lanky limb draped across his lap, narrowly avoiding spilling his beer all across said limb.

The blonde always got touchy when he was drunk, plastering his entire body on the nearest person and talking their ear off for the remainder of the night.

Somehow, it was always Zoro who ended up with a tipsy Sanji draped over him, his breath smelling strongly of cheap liquor as he rambled about god knows what.

Zoro sighs again, resigning himself to his fate as the blond proceeds to hook his heel around one of Zoro's legs and pull himself forward so that he's pressed up against the other man's side. Zoro feels Sanji's elbow poking his arm. He tells himself it's very unpleasant.

"Yknow, you're coming with me to get... uh... groceries tomorrow. Yeah. We need bread."

"You've told me that three times tonight."

"Well, I'm telling you again, you algae head." Sanji lolls his head back to look at the ceiling, using the hand not trapped between them to loosely gesture at the man next to him.

"Nice one," Zoro deadpans.

"Oh, fuck you," Sanji replies, and then rests his head on Zoro's shoulder. "you want hamburgers for lunch tomorrow?" he asks over the loud murmur of the bar.

Zoro, however, does not reply. Instead, he stares straight ahead and tries to focus on the fact that Sanji's chin is digging uncomfortably into his shoulder rather than how his face is inches away.

Sanji doesn't seem to notice, his breath fanning along Zoro's cheek as he prattles on about brioche buns.

Zoro is trying very hard to stay still, internally processing the warmth of the cook's flushed face against his own and sending a silent prayer to whatever deity is out there this will be over soon. He also pointedly does not look at Nami and Usopp snickering over their wine glasses in the corner either.

He's snapped out of his impromptu staring contest with a stain on the wall when he feels Sanji slump almost completely off of the chair, and then suffers a mini heart attack when the blond kicks his legs up on the other side of the bench and straight up puts his head in Zoro's lap.

Zoro stares down at him in surprise and Sanji stares back, both eyes visible with his bangs swept out of his face. They're half-lidded and his face is tinted red from the liquor. Neither of them says anything, for a moment. Sanji's gaze sweeps across Zoro's face, looking for something. He pauses, and Zoro has to clamp his mouth shut because every time he sees Sanji like this he suddenly gains the inexplicable urge to say I've been in love with you for three years, please make out with me, which would be very bad.

The cook's eyebrows furrow, and he parts his pretty, pink lips before mumbling softly;

"...Did you get a haircut?"

Zoro throws his head back and groans. "That's it, we're going back to the ship."

He can hear Nami and Usopp's shrieking laughter clearly, even over Sanji's slurred protests as Zoro chugs the rest of his beer, hoists the fucking idiot up on his back, and marches out of the bar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zoro did, in fact, get a haircut. Sanji should know b/c hes the one who did it lmao. Also, it takes Zoro an hour to walk the 15 minutes back to the ship, and Sanji talks about bread the entire time.

Am i making Zoro whipped for Sanji because i am whipped for Sanji? Interesting question, indeed. Will i ever stop? No.

Ty to my loyal 5 followers i gained yesterday!!! shoutout to yall.

Also i would REALLY appreciate comments about how i can improve my writing style so if you have any feedback please comment !!!!!

okay bye :p

[slocumjoe]

do you think any of the companions drink? what would their habits be?

how the companions booze it 🍻

Cait; Hard drinker who, surprisingly, can't hold her liquor. She gets drunk quickly, but takes some time to drop out of the race, so to speak. Obviously, she used drink out of trauma response, but having gotten clean from the drug addiction, Cait drinks sparingly and rarely. Like, actually eats as she does so. Doesn't drink water because Cait isn't a water drinker. Her drunkenness depends heavily on her mood pre-boozing. Her booze of choice is beer.

Curie; does not drink. However, did try wine. Did not like it. She just makes sure there's water and food available for the local alcoholics, and badgers them to partake in such necessities. The worst days at the clinic are days after a party and she likes to lessen that load as much as possible.

Danse; Alcoholic. One of the alcoholics Curie is always after. Danse drinks when he doesn't have work, to sleep. No exception. And he drinks a fucking LOT. Like...opposite to Cait, he takes a lot to get drunk, and even more to fall down. He chugs vodka, whiskey, tequila...basically, if even one shot isn't for the faint of heart, Danse takes swigs right from the bottle. It impresses some people, but he isn't doing it to impress. Danse isn't that kind of person who takes pride in his alcoholism. This problem gets worse after BB, but he gradually gets better as time goes on.

Deacon; used to have a problem, so now alcohol is kind of a...soft no. He'll have a drink. A drink. And it won't be anything too crazy. A glass of wine, a beer or two, maybe a shot. He drinks as a social thing, just to be polite. Customs, yknow? Besides, he wants to keep his head clear. Also suffers from bad hangovers. The type to spend the whole morning puking even if he didn't have that much.

Gage: Also used to have a problem. He wasn't an alcoholic, but rather, weak to peer pressure. He wanted to impress all the big tough raiders by putting away as much crap as they could. And for the most part, Gage very much could outdrink most people. But being that drunk that often is not safe for a young man in his position, and he learned real quick that its better to the smart stick in the mud than the fun, cool, vulnerable target.

Hancock; the type of guy to think his problem makes him cool and fun. Im sorry, but he is. Hancock is the kind of person who's like "yeah man I was barely walking and shit, I had like, 30 shots or something? Haha I forget dude! So I'm like half crawling back to my place and its fucking...what, 10 in the morning? And I got work in 2 hours man, and everyone on the streets looking at me weird, ahah, shit was crazy!" Hancock drinks whatever he has, with no preference or complaint. However, there's a specific brand of whiskey that burns like a mother fucker that he likes to drink to show off. Doesn't eat or drink water. Curie has yet to give up on him in all but spirit.

MacCready; the most normal, healthy drinker. He likes the occasional beer, but his soft spot is a margarita. Or a sangria. Not into alcohol on its own. He doesn't want to taste it. He'll rarely have a drink without food. Drinking water is his weakness here, as he also isn't a water person. Mac will have a beer with dinner, and maybe another, and maybe another if the vibe is right, and if he doesn't catch himself, will end up tipsy. If he doesn't catch himself at tipsy, homeboy is getting pickled.

Nick; Used to enjoy a martini, a brandy, a wine, a rum. A gentleman of refined taste. At least, thats what he'll say. OG Nick bought his alcohol based on coupons or whatever was cheap. This man drinks bud light. Now, Nick mostly just babysits people who can get drunk. But he used to have his alcohol in accordance to whatever he was eating. Sub from the shop down the corner? Donuts? Afformentioned bud light. Dinner with Jenny, homemade seafood pasta? A wine. He's big on the idea that certain drinks have rules.

Piper; wine bitch. Drinks out of a coffee mug if ones clean. If not...girly gets a straw. She doesn't have a problem, but you wouldn't know it if you saw her while she enjoyed a drink. Wine is pretty much the only drink she likes. Beer is gross, moonshine has done enough to her, vodka is too strong to be enjoyed. She likes wine because it tastes good to her. Her taste sways towards the dry ones. Because she drinks for the taste, she isn't keen on getting drunk, so Piper is good about staying fed and hydrated. When she isn't, her hangovers are...demonic.

Preston; drinks occasionally, and never wants to get drunk. He doesn't like the feeling of being drunk, though he doesn't get hangovers. Even when inebriated, Preston mama-hens and keeps everyone eating and chugging water, so he ends up taking care of himself as well. His taste is both broad and limited. He'll drink anything—provided its local. Preston will not drink a name brand. He doesn't want Heineken, he wants Craig's magic wheat poison. He doesn't want Franzia, he wants a bottle of whatever the twitchy lesbian living in a boat house has fermenting amongst the seaweed and barnacles.

X6-88; the only alcohol you could get this man to drink is alcohol disguised as dessert. Ole Smokey banana cream moonshine comes to mind. He'll know its alcohol, you can't hide it from him, but provided its tasty enough...you might get him to indulge a little. If only for the fact that its basically candy. Otherwise, he isn't drinking. He probably can't even get drunk, not without causing a shortage.

[ribstongrowback]

What Tabletop Games would you say most inspired the ones you make?

Off the top of my head-

Lamentations of the Flame Princess - A bad game made by arsewipe, but it is the first OSR gameI played, and I make OSR games now. While its game design is fairly unimaginative, it does have some interesting tidbits in there, and back when Raggi was interested in being actually weird rather than just making stuff for cheap shock value he wrote some genuinely interesting modules, like the God That Crawls

Esoteric Enterprises - and @cavegirlpoems's work in general, but Esoten was the game that made me actually realise the possibilities of OSR. I didn't find myself in the more FKR side of things. Rulings not rules is a fine principle but it's not for me, as a game designer I want to weave a world together and Esoten does just that. Also yknow els is my gf so there' that. I wrote a couple of supps for it.

Yazeba's Bed And Breakfast - and @jdragsky's work in general were foundational to my appreciation of more fiction first game. Jay does a really good work of finding the things that are left for players to kind of figure out on their own in the more narrative-driven side of gaming and codifying it into the rules to make it more approachable. We often harp on the fact that the actual DnD that people play and enjoy is just an oral tradition passed down from "good gm to good gm" but this is a sin that other games carry as well. Jay's focus on leaving nothing to chance and making sure players know what they can do to have a good time is a great inspiration to me.

Sapphicworld - and @darlingdemoneclipse's work in general made me realise I should own being a horny tranny faggot and that it is vital that ttrpgs get weirder. This is not a joke, nor am I being glib, I geuinely think that it is urgent that we get weirder. Assimilationist queers are tearing this community appart and being horny on main is not just honest, it's an act of rebellion. We do whatever we want and no one should stop us. Eclipses' game design is great for using that principle and weaving it into mechanics.

[tearlessrain]

okay I feel like no one's actually explaining s'mores ingredients and just assuming it's universal knowledge despite the visceral proof that it isn't, so here are the components of a regular s'more:

graham cracker: while the concept and ingredients are similar to a digestive, graham crackers are thinner and sturdier and have the texture of, yknow, a cracker while still being sweet. digestives are relatively soft/crumbly/granular in comparison and won't lend as much structural integrity or quite the same flavor/texture. which is important because the graham cracker is the only thing in a s'more that has any structure. honestly I think people are overselling the squareness but if you want to evoke a s'more aesthetically, you would want to go square because nobody makes round graham crackers. they're perforated rectangular sheets that you break in half.

chocolate: so the important thing here is that you use the most cheap-ass milk chocolate you can get at the grocery store, which will pretty much always be a giant hershey bar. hershey is not good chocolate, it's kind of grainy and was specifically created back in the day to bring chocolate to the masses rather than to make a high quality chocolate and it shows, but you can buy a bunch at once and it melts and that's what matters. I'm sure there are bougie people who spring for fancy chocolate on s'mores but it's not the same. and ganache is absolutely out.

marshmallow: I'm pretty sure everyone uses either jet puffed or whatever the prevailing local grocery store brand is, they're denser than an italian meringue or even a homemade marshmallow (at least the ones I've had idk) and they're the only part of the s'more that requires any prep besides taking them out of the package. everyone's got a different strong opinion about how toasty the outside should be but it's crucial that the inside is fully melted and gooey all the way through, because the gooeyness is what transforms a marshmallow from a sad block of sweet room temperature foam to a s'more filling.

you make a s'more by breaking a graham cracker in half, putting like idk 3-4 squares of the hershey bar onto one of them (because hershey bars come pre-segmented so you just break off pieces as you need them), roasting a skewered marshmallow over open flame until it's falling off the stick (what the outside looks like is your business, I like it kind of golden brown but some people go fully burnt and if you're using a campfire what you actually get is frankly in the hands of god). gas stoves also totally work and when I was a kid we roasted marshmallows on the stove all the time, but the flame is crucial and I know this because a couple weeks ago I tried to roast a marshmallow on my glass top stove and it tasted like whatever facebook moms are thinking of when they talk about chemicals. not sure what happened there. anyway, you then hastily smash the marshmallow in between the graham cracker halves with the chocolate and the marshmallow will melt the chocolate, then you eat it while it's still warm.

the problem with what the bake off did honestly isn't so much that they got a s'more wrong, but that a s'more is a bizarre thing to have on a baking competition in the first place, let alone as a technical challenge because the whole point is that it's the least technical thing imaginable and requires almost no prep. if you want something american have them make an apple pie with some vanilla ice cream or something. chocolate chip cookies. anything that actually involves baking and ingredients.

honestly having an american-themed technical challenge at all is a losing game because a lot of stereotypically "american" recipes are specifically designed for any layman to be able to make them (there are plenty of more complex regional recipes you could use for a technical though), but I think you could have a lot of fun with like an apple pie signature challenge or something. you can get creative or add other flavors to an apple pie and fancy it up for a baking show without rendering it unrecognizable, and it's so american there's an idiom about it so honestly I'm kind of baffled they've had multiple american challenges and haven't done that yet.

[monboyfs-seesaw]

ALRIGHT THATS ALL THE OLD MOVIES I actually really liked spiral, not as much as the original series, but it felt like it belonged with them, less like a self insert fanfiction like jigsaw. I think it did so much better by making someone shape their own motivations into John's form rather than someone literally just plagiarizing him (nelson)

Page break so I can carelessly go on a long tangent kgsgks

Yes schenk was also copying John but it was different than how Nelson did it. Nelson literally recreated the entire game itself just to change out the final two players. Schenk designed his own entirely new game and format while still keeping the jigsaw motif. You can wear your inspiration on your sleeve, just don't let it become coping, or whatever nightmind once said lolol schenk also took it a step further, challenging the format in a new way by not just trying to reshape people, but systems. It was a great way to extend the life of the series. The reason all the sequels didn't get boring is because they kept building on the plot of his apprentices. This is where Nelson suffered. He wasn't building on anything. He was essentially if we just remade 2 and said he was the new Amanda igdhikfh. It didn't further the original plot OR play with it in a new way (like spiral)

Jigsaw had its merits yeah but it just kinda fell flat in comparison to me. It definetly had the best camera work of the whole series (to me), but the story just kinda had me :// I also liked the games/traps in it more than spiral, but spiral was much more focused on the mystery than the games themselves so, yknow.

Tldr; jigsaw kinda sucked but spiral was pretty good and now I've completed my watch through of the series. So ready to watch X that I will eat my hands if I don't get to see it soon

SIDE TANGENT NELSON WAS LITERALLY JUST GORDON WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A NEW CHARACTER JUST TO BE EXACTLY THE SAME CHARACTER KBFDLBKDB AND WHY DO BOTH THESE NEW ONES HAVE SUCH A WEIRD MISOGYNISTIC STREAK?? WAS IT JUST TO PAINT THESE PEOPLE AS ASSHOLES?? THE OTHER FILMS DID THAT JUST FINE WITHOUT BEING VERY ODD TOWARDS WOMEN? Like horror movies overall have never been good to women thats just par for the course but like? In both the newer films they were oddly aggressive and demeaning towards women. Like how they treated elanor in jigsaw and how banks talked about women in spiral. I suppose for both of them you could make the excuse of "were trying to make banks and holloran clearly bad guys" but like?? These movies have succeeded for a long time by not really using that tool. We made the bad people cruel, or manipulative, or apathetic. Idk just making a character racist or misogynistic just so the audience can tell that they're bad feels? Cheap? Like at least banks has a little nuance to him to make it clear why he thinks like this (his divorce) but that could have only been done because he's "not ACTUALLY the bad guy, he's just mean" whereas holloran gets no elaboration because he's "just bad"

Then again. These movies are 90 minutes. How much story do I think they can tell.

[islandiis]

Okay lets GOOOO, travel tips and money saving stuff for anyone who wants it!! I'm obsessed with travel I'm so sorry @ how long this is :')

Get the app, Hopper! It's free and it shows you the cheapest and most expensive days to fly, and allows you to track specific destinations and hotel prices - it has an algorithm which predicts price drops etc, too!

AirBnB has ethical issues, so I would research the local opinion on it - some locals really don't mind AirBnBs, some do, so research. But ngl, I use AirBnB in places that the locals don't have much issue with it.

Hostels are much better than hotels in terms of cost and usually have a much better vibe. I love hostels, my fave was in Copenhagen - it was like a little pod hostel, it was IMMENSE (cityhub CPH)!

Get in the mindset of having low standards lmao 2* hotels are your best friend for travelling cheap. My mindset is if it has a bed and running water, it's good enough for me!

Sign up to Jack's Flight Club, a free (with a premium option, but I only have the free one and it's AMAZING) it's an email list that sends you notifications about cancellations at insane discounts!! I love it so much I do plan on paying for the premium one eventually, just... money lmao so later

Skiplagged: this one is a bit sketchy on your part and sort of fucks over the airport staff, so I personally don't use it. Essentially, you book a flight with a layover - so say, Book to Oslo, layover in Amsterdam. You get it cheaper than a direct flight, but you just walk out of the airport at Amsterdam. This is called Skiplagging! You can't take any luggage, only carry-ons, and if the airlines catch onto you doing this you can get barred so like. yknow.

Secretflying: cheap flights and travel deals!

AirWander: This one is super cool and I love it a lot, but you have to be okay with short trips - like one day per city, or something. Basically, you book a flight with long layovers - a day, 12 hours, whatever - and you leave the airport in these layovers. This means you get INSANELY cheap deals bc layovers are 'undesirable' but you get a whole new stop in your itinerary!! I love this one!

SkyScanner is honestly really good for cheap flights. If you're flexible, search everywhere and sort by price - and by 'cheapest month'!

Airports are ridiculously overpriced as I'm sure everyone knows, so bring literally as much as you can to avoid having to spend money in the airport. They are straight up scams (but sometimes it's unavoidable, obviously!)

On that note, use Groupon and other discount apps and schemes for cheap food and such. They're really worth it.

Use the browser extension Honey - it's really really good for money saving, even if not directly for travel!

Check out different departure airports. It might be different for bigger countries but like, for me for example, I usually fly from Dublin rather than Belfast - it involves me taking a 2 hour bus down to Dublin, which is £16 return. But the flights from Belfast are SOOO much more expensive than from Dublin so it's actually way more efficient, so look around!

So in Norway, under 26s get youth tickets - ungdomsbillett? I think other countries may have similar schemes so look up "youth tickets" and the country if it applies!! Research lots!!

Make your own food and bring like sachets of soup, noodles, 'just add water' things in your luggage - especially to countries that are a bit more expensive! This helps a TON, seriously

Tripadvisor is honestly really good for finding recommendations for cheap food, places to go, etc.

don't buy any drinks etc on flights; again, they're such a rip off. Bring as much as you can or buy it in the airport - as much as airports are rip-offs, the plane is even worse!! Stock up before your flight!

Get a set of little reusable plastic travel bottles and fill them yourself with shampoo from home, makeup remover etc. instead of buying small travel-sized versions!

LOYALTY PROGRAMS FOR THE AIRLINES literally sign up to every free one you can - KLM's flying blue, for example. They reward you for the miles you travel with them and you get sweet perks as well, and it's free!! Ngl I do this for every single airline I travel with LOLLL I'm on like 9 loyalty programs

If you drink alcohol, check out the prices of alcohol before you go - if they're expensive, buy it in the duty free at the airport or bring it from home in your luggage. This is again something I super super recommend lmao

Buy yourself plastic freezer bags/ziplock bags and use those to hold your underwear, socks etc. Re-use them again and again - I've been re-using mine for five years LOL it saves space in your bag!

Again to save space in your bag and therefore keep costs down, roll up clothes and put them inside your shoes!

ROLL YOUR CLOTHES. ROLL THEM. Rolling is THE way to pack this is maybe the #1 most important thing it saves you an incredible amount of space. Roll everything.

Use hair elastics to keep shoes together or to keep your things rolled up - best for like thick jumpers etc!

THAT'S ALL I CAN THINK OF FOR RIGHT NOW I will update with more if I think of anything else 👀👀

[ariyadaivaris]

THIS IS SUCH A LEGENDARY FEUD

[mango-fizz]

im lying idc here are my thoughts on it

the conflicts were. resolved. i think.

i feel like its a little too convenient that penelope just had to give a speech and suddenly all of society forgives her? and the queen is just like . hm well okay i'll let you keep writing. and then she just Leaves!

and like. how do i say this. its not a bad show, its just. maybe im not used to watching dramas like this, bc like, Most if not All of the conflicts between the love interests can be watered down to: They Dont communicate with each other, and that pisses me off So much. i understand why eloise was so upset at penelope but if she had just let her Explain herself. guys Please. season 1 was a nightmare, and i understand why simon was like that but if they just Talked to each other i- inhale exhale whatever. its fine.

dont even get me started on the sex scenes 😭😭😭😭😭 dont even actually i wont say anything <- ᵘⁿⁿᵉᶜᵉˢˢᵃʳᶦˡʸ ⁿᶦᵗᵖᶦᶜᵏʸ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵃᶜᶜᵘʳᵃᶜʸ ᵒᶠ ˢᵉˣ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵉˢ ᶦⁿ ᶠᶦˡᵐ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉˢ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ʷʳᵒⁿᵍ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐᵉ

ᵇᵘᵗ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ ᶦ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵉˣ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵉˢ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵍʳᵃᵈᵘᵃˡˡʸ ʷᵒʳˢᵉ, ˡᶦᵏᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉʰᵒʷ ᵈᵃᵖʰⁿᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᶦᵐᵒⁿ ʰᵃᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵉˢᵗ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵉˢ. ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᶠᶦʳˢᵗ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ ʷʰᵉⁿ ʰᵉ ᵃˢᵏᵉᵈ ʰᵉʳ ᶦᶠ ˢʰᵉ ʰᵃᵈ ᵗᵒᵘᶜʰᵉᵈ ʰᵉʳˢᵉˡᶠ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵉ ᵗᵒˡᵈ ʰᵉʳ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʷᵃˢ ᵖʳᵉᵗᵗʸ ʰᵒᵗ. ᵗʰᵃᵗˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒⁿˡʸ ⁿᵒᵗᵉʷᵒʳᵗʰʸ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᶦ ᶜᵃⁿ ˢᵃʸ

ᶦᵐ ˡʸᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ᶦˢ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᶦ ʷᶦˡˡ ᵖᵒᶦⁿᵗ ᵒᵘᵗ. ᵗʰᵉ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵉ ʷʰᵉʳᵉ ᵃⁿᵗʰᵒⁿʸ ᶦˢ ᵐᵒᵛᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵉᵃᵗ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵏᵃᵗᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵉ ᵈᵉᵃᵈᵃˢˢ ᶜᵒᵛᵉʳˢ ʰᶦˢ ᵉⁿᵗᶦʳᵉ ʰᵉᵃᵈ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵉᵈˢʰᵉᵉᵗˢ. ᶦ ᵘⁿᵈᵉʳˢᵗᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ⁿᵉᵉᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᶜᵉⁿˢᵒʳˢʰᶦᵖ ᵇᵘᵗ ᶦᵗ ᶦˢ ˢᵒ ʰᶦˡᵃʳᶦᵒᵘˢˡʸ ᴼᵇᵛᶦᵒᵘˢ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˢʰᵒʷ ᶦ ˡᶦᵗᵉʳᵃˡˡʸ ˡᵃᵘᵍʰᵉᵈ ᵒᵘᵗ ˡᵒᵘᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ³ ᵐᶦⁿᵘᵗᵉˢ ᵈᵘʳᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵉ. ᵘʳ ᵏᶦˡˡᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ᵈᵘᵈᵉ. ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵘˢᵉ ʰᵉʳ ˢᵏᶦʳᵗ ᵒʳ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ. ᵗʰᵉ ᵉⁿᵗᶦʳᵉ ᵇᵉᵈˢʰᵉᵉᵗˀ ᵒᵛᵉʳ ʸᵒᵘʳ ʷʰᵒˡᵉ ʰᵉᵃᵈˀ ᶦ ᶜᵃⁿᵗ

in my opinion the best parts of bridgerton were everything Outside of the main love interests each season, for example my favorite characters are lady danbury my goat🙏, benedict, and eloise. the critiques of patriarchal society were good too but i wish they kinda leaned into that more...? or rather, i get what they were going for but it feels. idk theres nuance to this and im not smart enough for it. sort of related but i liked portia more than i expected to. she literally was doing what she had to do i respect it

i feel like everyone kinda had understandable reasons to do what they did yknow? aside from not communicating with each other (cough cough daphne and simon, and kate and edwina and anthony) most of their actions made sense. im honestly kind of upset that cressida didnt have like a better ending? and i know that it doesnt excuse how mean she was and all she did to our protags, but i feel kinda bad for her, she was just doing what she understood was necessary for her survival, but like i get it yknow its whatever

francesca was such a nothing character, she literally couldve been entirely removed from the show and Absolutely nothing would change. why is she here? and like i Think her thing is that shes a closeted lesbian but either lean into that more and give her, i dont know, a CHARACTER, or give it to someone else! like eloise! is there something i missed with her?? idk 😭😭😭 love works in different ways ..??? she was just so Not the focus of the season at all and then when she Was she was so 🧍‍♂️ its hard for me to care about her maybe theres nuance here that im missing

these are also smaller things i noticed but its so. fucking funny to be watching a period drama set in the 1810s and fucking. violin rendition of cheap thrills by sia starts playing. cmon guys akfhsjfbsndbs it kind of takes me out of it a little bit 😭😭😭 ESPECIALLY DURING THE SEX SCENES IT HAPPENED IN ONE OF THEM i cant remember but i just i cant do it i cant do it guys 😭😭😭😭 dont be playing pop music in a period drama please 😭😭😭 but yknow at the end of the day its a romance netflix drama so maybe i shouldnt be nitpicking so much

apparently theres gonna be a season 4 and Apparently its going to focus on benedict 🙏🙏 my bisexual king hes just like me fr (im going to hate watching this season with my mom i know it)

my conclusion bc im just saying word vomit: it was an entertaining watch but i Hate watching characters just keep making their problems worse when theres probably a much easier solution to this. or maybe there isnt and im just stupid 👍🫡

i finally finished watching bridgerton with my mom and it was definitely. um. a show ,

i have . some thoughts. but i dont know if i care enough to share them

[kuromichad]

also idk how to really explain it but many things, particularly in emo culture, at that time were like... schrodinger’s gay... it was like. you WANTED things to be gay but knew better than to like, believe it, and just the like willingness of pop culture figures to Play with it, and the experience of having fandoms or whatever be excited by it along with you, was basically good enough... i feel like even though i was literally into them at the time and was openly bisexual and also clearly now am trans i like didnt even really comprehend how like gay/gender mcr was until i. saw people talking about it on tumblr like it was kind of a moment of Huh... So it wasn’t like, entirely in my head... does that make any sense. idk how much this was like a matter of the culture at the time (yknow, back when we didnt have gay marriage or like, performative wokeness) objectively vs my own weird lens on it due to not knowing i was trans yet but. Yeah

i think maybe the part that’s difficult to untangle is that like, there is a distinction between ‘doing things that will get you called gay’ and ‘doing things that ARE gay’ and the category of ‘things that will get you called gay’ was so broad and volatile back then. so yeah there were loads of emo bands with dudes who would do ‘things that will get you called gay’ aka wearing makeup, tight pants, singing a certain way, having lyrics about your Feelings. but many of those dudes would let it be called Guyliner, and their Feelings lyrics were still always about girls (and still had the capacity to be misogynist and/or violent), and just generally you could tell that even though they were willing to get Called gay they werent. vs there were other people who didnt like, assert masculinity in the same way, and were noticeably more comfortable in that gnc emo Look than some other guys were (and didn’t abandon it when they got more successful lol), and had less-straight or actively gay lyrics... but like. idk i think at least to me it still just came off like... ‘well i like that these guys arent being distractingly tryhard masc’ and that was it, rather than registering as ‘oh this is gay for real. youre not just like hoping it is or projecting like it’s actually there’ lmao. 

and so i think maybe if youre younger and dont Remember the 2000s like that, you look at the entire scene and youre like well none of these celebrities are like flag-carrying LGBT Activists now, so all of that was Intentional Corporate Queerbaiting, or something... or like that’s not even what that op is saying huh. like they think the specific purpose of mcr (or, im guessing, emo in general) was to like Steal Queer Aesthetics and sell them to the public...? and like, sure, the whole Emo Boys Kissing thing generated profit but in the form of convincing guys who did not want to kiss boys to just dress similar to boys who kiss each other. the only people who actually carried on that part of the trend were like. people with actual gay desires. everyone else was just like being cishet in their emo jeans and feeling very proud about how counterculture they were for letting people call them gay for wearing emo jeans. 

and the homoeroticism and androgyny in emo didnt just. come from nowhere??? it wasnt made up by marketing. if you wanted to accuse a band of selling a gay aesthetic in a straight way you have to go WAY farther down the chain of influence, like when you would end up briefly seeing Guyliner on bands that were making like, cheap top 40 butt rock for dads, because it did eventually become like defanged enough that it was like ‘this is just the thing to do if youre Alternative’ but. actual emo, especially early 2000s emo, especially early 2000s emo boys who were actually willing to kiss boys, were not the ones selling it in a straight way... they were the ones who were (As many gay people are) trendsetting and interesting enough to prompt other people to (whether earnestly or not) take on similar fashion and behaviors in order to like, form community. and that community of ‘people with an Alternative and often gay fashion and music sense’ just happened to get big enough to turn into a money thing

and again, getting mad about emo queerbaiting in 2021 is just completely fucking absurd because everyone at the time was so like cautious and defeatist that even gay people who wanted it to be gay didnt like believe it might actually be gay. this is why i cant stand queerbaiting discourse like bro at the end of the day no matter what it’s just gonna be about You and what You’re bringing to it and you could very easily be overlooking some important shit that’s, yknow, actually there, in the course of chasing after some imagined perfect reward. *2000s internet voice* End rant!

[so-ingestible]

red eyeshadow roundup

so I recently saw people talking about red eyeshadow and asking about the best ones and (bc its p much the only colour i’ve worn for the past few years) I’ve gone through more than a normal person probably should and feel p qualified in reviewing/recommending some.  i hope at least someone can benefit from the frankly stupid amount of money i’ve spent over the past few years :)))

 These are all matte true-ish reds as thats what I assumed people wanted so as to achieve messy revenge-era MCR vampire goth (or like at least thats what I’m aiming for usually).

1. Melt Cosmetics Lovesick

this has been my go-to red for a few years now and it’s the one I’d recommend the highest. it used to be included in a stack, which did make it more cost effective, and I don’t believe they sell that these days so it is pretty expensive ngl. it looks bright in the photo but it pulls as suuuch a perfect red--not too brown, nowhere near pink, kind of a darker leaning midtone. good payoff so even though it looks kinda small I havent made too significant a dent in it despite having it for years and using it constantly. if you can justify the money and youre aiming for revenge-era gerard smear then this is the one you want, trust me.

2. anastasia beverly hills renaissance palette

^these are the ‘reddish’ colours included in the palette. neither are really a true red (venetian pulls verrryyy pink and is a lil glittery and red ochre goes brownish) but if you mix em a little you can get close, and red ochre can work well enough on it’s own (esp if you blend it w a red eyeliner, which was kind of my go to for a while). the palette itself is overall pretty great imo and really excellent quality, so you’d probably get more value out of this then a single.

3. Sugarpill’s Love +

I have the original version of this (back when it used to be in a lil premade palette lol) and I do believe they have changed it a little bit recently but not so much that it’s miles different than the one I have. Sugarpill is great and all their shit is usually great so I broadly rec, but love + is definitely a brighter red--which, if we’re using revenge gerard as a basis, wont exactly be what youre looking for on its own (but does look great if mixed w a darker red). it’s a pretty primary red but does pull more towards pink.

4. urban decay’s relish

‘oh what about gash????’ fuck gash tbh. the new gash UD sells is a weird pink-red shimmer which barely reads as ‘red’ at all. don’t bother. otoh UD does have Relish, which is a matte warm red and is way more in line with the kind of reds I look for. the payoff is actually not great and it needs a few layers to be a solid colour which weirdly works in our favour--the intended colour is pretty brown but the red comes through first, so your initial layers will be much more red then it eventually builds up to. if that makes any sense. basically I’d rec this if you like for whatever reason really want an urban decay eyeshadow and also if maybe you’re afraid of commitment or something.

5. BH Cosmetic’s Lil Bit Psycho

this baby is 10 dollars and it is pretty damn good for that price point, but the reds aren’t ideal probably. the top red is a bright red which pulls verrrryy pink and the bottom is a really really warm brown rather than a real red tbh. both don’t go on very strong but build up well and for 10 bucks are a reasonable option. these are the only reds I have from BH but usually their eyeshadows are what I would definitively call ‘pretty good’ and they are blessedly cheap--so it might be worth exploring some of their other options?

6. Ben Nye Flame Red Blush

Back in early high school red eyeshadow was waay harder to come by then it is now, so I actually used blush as eyeshadow quite often lol. the best one I ever encountered was this ben nye blush, which is a verrrryyy vivid bright right. On it’s own it definitely isn’t perfect (its a litttlee too bright for my taste) but it is 12 dollars so, yknow, you do what you gotta do.  

(NB: I’ve used the Lime Crime reds from the venus palette and they are actually and unfortunately pretty fucking good. However, I personally don’t purchase from LC and suggest others do the same.)

(NB 2: My go to is to combine any of these w a red/burgundy eyeliner which makes for a very cool look, but not one i rec for very very sensitive eyes bc red anything is not necessarily suppppeeeerrrr eye safe. oops.)

these are all the ones I can think of off the top of my head that I think are even vaguely worth it and are still currently available. I can add swatches/pictures of these on the face but i didnt want to make this supeerrr photo heavy lol. I hope this is at least a little useful!!!!

[trickstarbrave]

I know ppl wanna dunk on communes and like I get it I hate the almost certainly white idea that we’re going to move away into a perfect self sustaining village and never have to work a day in our lives and be free from oppression and be artistically liberated and I need you to know that’s not what I’m abt to talk abt. What I’m going to talk abt is a hypothetical wish fulfillment fantasy I’m hyperfixating on

I know I’m never gonna like own a house likely. Like have you see me??? Have you seen the housing market??? Even if I get approved my children would end up working off the mortgage after I’m dead with the way the economy is going (unless we destroy capitalism entirely in which case disregard all of this post). But I hate the idea that I’ll just be renting indefinitely, because most of the time you are renting you can’t do SHIT. You can’t do anything cool. You have to ask your shitty landlord if you can paint the walls and they’ll say no so you put up stick on wallpaper and hang painting that u have to carefully remove abs patch up w absolutely 0 damage or visible marks at all by the time you move out. Hate your kitchen backsplash? Too bad. Hate your cabinets? Get used to them. Tub sucks? Your landlord won’t replace that piece of shit you can barely fit in until they have to. Wanna get different flooring or paint the walls? NO. You’re stuck with it because it isn’t yours to do with as you please, it’s just a box you put your stuff in, so suck it up or move somewhere else you’ll be unhappy

I hate it. And the solution was: friends and I pool our resources to own land as a group (there are legal ways to do it but u will have to pay up front a cash most likely). It is in a space that suits us. We devise exit plans. Next we move on to phase 2: buy manufactured homes, rvs, third wheels, extra large sheds we convert into houses, whatever we can. Maybe some ppl start w a third wheel rv and a tent until they can save up, maybe some ppl wanna convert a shed into a cottage. We get the permits and bc the structures our technically our property on the land (yknow like how trailer parks you can own the house but u pay land rent to the landlord) we can get approved for our own loans on them (at higher interest but still cheaper than a whole house) rather than the hell that is trying to group buy an entire fucking house together. It’s our land so we can have a little community garden or whatever if we want, or a cool fire pit, maybe a movie projector, who cares. They are our things we can rennovate if we want to. I can see my friends casually bc we’re now kinda sorta neighbors. We also get our own privacy bc we wouldn’t be in the same building necessarily, we would be in our own places.

If someone wants out they can follow their exit plan, we buy the shares of the property, and the structure can be removed or moved (for a lotta money for the manufactured homes and sheds sometimes good lord), it even rented out for relatively cheap in as ethical way as we can rather than for profits if needed.

There are many problems with this I know get in the way of it w me like 1. I’m still broke 2. My friends may have jobs on the other side of town or smth 3. My friends are also broke as hell 4. I’m sure getting the sewer lines and electric would be hell for this tho we could also do solar and 5. I’m disabled so living out on a piece of land w my friends and gardening and shit isn’t necessarily going to be smth I can do easily or the best fit for me it may be hell and repairs and renovations will suck

But what makes me the most mad is this is a very shitty, basic ass fantasy. “I could live in an rv on a piece of land near my friends” shouldn’t be a cute, unrealistic fantasy. If I went back several decades and told ppl I can’t even afford a house and I’m pining over shed conversion into a living space rather than the full house ave white picket fence and family sustained on one person’s income I think they would assume I’m from a dystopian future. Because I am. Bc I think living like that in a space of an apartment but I own all the fucking walls and I can paint them and the cabinets and get a nice tub and put up a greenhouse or garden and just be able to own the space is unattainable entirely. Like. Unless there are big changes on a societal level I don’t think I could even do this. Just owning my living space in a capitalistic hellscape is becoming impossible and it Sucks

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

Ok nvm I know neow :3

Blorbolands:

Hammerwright: Unholy concoction of tea, whiskey, sugar, several spices & syrups, lemon, smoked salt and aged gunpowder. Occasionally also with a few droplets of his own blood for that unparalleled mutagenic flavor and a taste of vitae (even though it doesn't need it as an amalgam, due to the haemogenic feedback loops and whatnot)

Lazarus: Shortbread cookies. Sweet, but not too sweet, so it's harder to get sick of eating a lot of them

Rebekah: Homemade marshmallows. You BET that heirloom 300 yr old Jakobs family cookbook has more recipes for them than legendary weapons in BL3 (since. Y'know. *Marsh*mallows. Look it up)

Samuel: The stuff they put in corrosive barrels

Val: Would rather fast than have a nice treat, since they think that corrupts the body. They still love a nice skag dog though, reminds them of home

Ikari: The sorrow of a dying monarch. Wouldn't say no to a pack of spicy almonds though

Douglas: Beef jerky. Or the nutrients contained in the bone marrow of someone who is deceased but not yet completely rotted, either works

Hestia: Toffee peanuts

TTP:

Windward: He's sampled so many exotic foods and wines but the one snack he buys semi-regularly is thumbprint cookies. Pairs great with both tea and coffee since he doesn't add any sugar to either of them

Poirot: Rose flavor doughnuts. Actually, any doughnuts, but those especially. He goes absolutely insane over those

Thuil: Stuffed isopod, but isn't above some good ol' fish gel if pe can't be bothered go to a fancy restaurant (which isn't super uncommon)

Ursula: Rhubarb jam, the super-dense kind. Just eats it right out of the container with her bare paws

Rosa: Whatever the TTP equivalent of turkish delights is called (since yknow. It's a fantasy world where Turkey doesn't exist.)

Alicia: Caramels, especially the ones with weirder flavors/textures (IRL there's so many ways to make sweet substances of extremely varied flavors and textures just out of sugar, milk and butter - it's all dependent on ratios, temperature and cooking time. Just imagine what widespread use of pyro- and cryomantic magitech would enable in this department)

Isaac: Snack mix, the nuts-and-raisins kind

Nmili: Sea lumps (bits of whatever meat's left after butchering the lots of sea creatures R'ylehians cultivate or fish up, coated in wheat-allergy-safe dough and fried. It's a cheap street food and might give you food poisoning but we all know how good street food is so it's worth it. Thank the Eye it hasn't been gentrified yet). Also great for feeding your pet dragon

Tobias: He's a smuggler lord, he's long since transcended snack and now is firmly in imbibing illegal substances for fun town. He does regularly steal from Ithl's chocolate stash though

Pamela: Citrus pie. Probably the tastiest way to fend off scurvy

I either can't think of anything else for the other ones, they're a WIP or they just can't eat </3

Favourite treat of your oc's or hc's and WHY! *holds u at gunpoint :3*

Treat???????????? Treat? I'm sorry pls don't shoot me I do not know what u mean by this 😔

[clarksville-ticketmaster]

((In which Peter brings home a chick, a rather long bit I wrote, also I dont know how to put read more on mobile, very sorry)

The sound of feet dragging on gravel could be heard over the talking of the small crowd.

"Aw, but we just got here!" Micky whined as he followed the others back to the Monkee mobile. 

Mike gave him a funny look over Peter's head as he carried him "Micky, we've been here for two hours"

"Can't we stay for two more? Peter was having the time of his life watching the snake charmer-"

Davy shook his head as he remembered. "Until one of the snakes escaped" Davy mumbled. Micky shrugged as if it was nothing.

The group continued their walk through the small fair, passing by expensive game booths with cheap prizes. in Mike's opinion this fair, in particular, had been rather… sketchy.

"Besides, these rides look ready ta' break at any moment, I doubt you wanna ride them" Mike argued as he adjusted his grip on the toddler, who was distracted by the flashing lights If one colorful booth in particular.

"Where the heck is that exit-" Miks continued under his breath as he turned his head to look around.

Micky pointed upwards to a set of swings flying above them. A rather uneven set.

"That's the fun!" He started. Micky kept his eyes to the sky.

"The thrill of someone flying through the air as- where'd Mike go?" Micky cut his rambling short as he looked back down. Davy pointed to their right, watching as Mike made a beeline to the small petting zoo.

The petting zoo was surrounded by hay, with metal fences guarding its residents. An old goat, a huge pig, and a few bunnies. Peter cooed at the Bunnies.

But it was the caged area in the back that had caught Mike's attention.

"Would ya' look at that Pete! The Texas Prairie chicken" Mike said in awe to the two-year-old.

A single hen occupied the area, but when she moved from her place Peter gasped in surprise.

"Babies!" He pointed excitedly as he wiggled out of Mike's grasp. The Hen had revealed four brown spotted chicks, still yellow and fluffy.

"Peter be careful with them-" Mike began as he followed Peter in. 

"Well, would you look at that, guess we are staying a bit longer" Micky smiled as he saw Peter crouch down near the chicks.

"Didn't expect Mike to get so excited over a pretty chicken" Davy watched as Mike bent down on a knee, surprised to see the Texan actually (and rather softly) pet the hen.

Meanwhile, Peter watched the chicks in delight as they followed their mother around. Soft peep's filled the air as they stretched their best up to look at the boy, curious. Peter took this opportunity to reach out and touch one.

Well, he would have. Had the hen not rushed over and blocked him. Peter let out a squeak as he withdrew, cradling his hand as if he had almost lost it. 

"Mean!" Micky yelled out from behind as if chastising the chicken. The hen clucked.

"Real protective of her chicks huh, Pete?" Mike chuckled as the two-year-old stepped back.

Peter nodded, making his way back to the other two.

"She didn't scare ya did she, Pete?" Micky teased as Peter stood behind the fence.

In Peter's head he had come to the conclusion that if she didn't want her to touch them, he was better off leaving as to not stress her out too much. But of course, he couldn't exactly convey his thoughts. He settled with shaking his head 'no'.

Davy and Mike were soon lost in conversation, topics ranging from Mike's apparent love for the Texas Prairie chicken and whether or not the blonde girl with green eyes playing with the bunnies would prefer taller, curly-haired men or short, British men.

Peter clutched the metal wire of the fence with small hands, already mentally checked out of the conversation beside him, watching Mike smile as the hen chose to sit closer next to him.

The wind blew. It wasn't cold out but the wind seemed to bring a light chill. Peter, rather bored, dragged his foot against the ground, looking down as if contemplating whether or not to play with the soil. Until he heard a small 'peep' beside him. Peter made a small sound in awe as he saw a fifth chick make its way over. 

Somehow the chick had escaped its area.

Peter bent down, tilting his head in wonder.

"Hi!" Peter softly greeted it, a tiny finger reaching out to pet the chick. He 'oo'ed at just how soft the down was.

The chick peeped a few more times, stepping closer much to Peter's joy.

 Another breeze blew by. The chick seemed to shiver.

Peter frowned, "Cold?" He whispered down, using his hands to grab the chick as to shield it. The chick, sensing the warmth, sat in the hands holding him, closing its eyes as if to relax.

Peter looked up, seeing that Davy and Micky were still focused on their conversation, while it looked as if Mike had started a conversation with one of the workers.

The wind blew again. somehow colder than the last. The chick in his hand sunk down, somehow looking upset from the wind. Peter frowned, he had to keep the chick warm.

So he opened the front pocket of his overalls and placed the chick inside it.

Though the chick let out a rather loud cheap, it soon settled nicely, basking in the warmth Peter seemed to provide.

"Peter!" The toddler looked up, to see Micky smiling down at him, "Want to go get some cotton candy?" 

Peter nodded vigorously, but as Micky held his arms out to pick him out Peter shook his head, mindful of the chick, instead grabbing Micky's hand.

Micky paused for a moment, caught off guard by Peter's choice, but simply nodded as he walked the toddler to a vendor.

And before Peter knew it, they were home.

"You think he's tired of us carryin' him?" Davy asked out loud as Peter toddled into the pad.

"Maybe he's trying to burn off that cotton candy" Micky interjected, "Gotta keep healthy, yknow?".

Peter ignored the conversation as he snuck a look into his pocket. The chick was still there, fast asleep, the reason why Peter hadn't put him back was to avoid waking him. Now he was scared to tell the others.

It wasn't long before the others were doing their own thing; Davy was chatting away with a girl over the phone, Mike was in the kitchen, having taken over cooking as of late, and Micky was whatever Micky did at 5 in the evening.

Peter giggled quietly as the chick moved, finally awake. It popped it's head out of the pocket, taking in it's sudden new surroundings. Peter scrambled to hold it as the chick moved to get out, not once did it peep, as if knowing he shouldn't be there.

Peter placed the chick down, but not before he looked around to see that no one was looking.

The chick immediately broke into a sprint of fast tiny footsteps, somehow managing to locate the back door leading to the beach.

The chick looked up almost expectantly at Peter as he had quietly followed. The chick wanted out. peter thought; maybe it wanted to go home on it's own

Peter looked between the door and the chick. Then at the others spread around the pad.

He opened the door as quietly as possible. The chick ran out.

Peter closed the door behind him.

Well, He had to make sure the chick was safe on its way back

----

((I dont know how to end it so feel free to come up with your own asdfg))

[ezpvranza]

19:10

You hit me in your own home

You have “your own reasons”

You loved me and gave me your word just to throw it all away like nothing ever happened

You took me for granted

You did a lot of shit you didnt even had the heart to admit or apologize about

Yet i loved you and still wanted you when you did nothing but push me away

I didnt say anything to you bc i dont want you to feel like a monster

I cared more of what you’d think of yourself rather than my own well being

Did you know? I flinch every time somebody screams or raises their hand above me

My heart starts to race each time im reminded of how you mistreated me by disregarding me as if i dont exist when I used to be your whole fucking world. You made me feel special and one day you suddenly dropped me like nothing ever happened. And i feel sick to my stomach i actually puke

I dont sleep right most nights bc memories of you haunt me

Atleast the good ones makes me happy

But when im reminded of how you did me so fucking dirty while i slept beside you i find my lip bleeding or my arms red. Things i dont notice

I can barely look people in the eye without feeling so fucking small. Like a dirt bc thats how you made me feel. You made me feel cheap, dirty and unwanted.

You treated me and still continue to treat me like nothing ever happened between us.

AND I STILL WANT TO FIX US.

WHEN YOU FUCKING BROKE ME JADE YOU FUCKING BROKE ME. IM FUCKING TRAUMATISED BY YOU AND I CANT FUCKING BREATHE RN

AND YOURE JUST SORRY FOR BEING A DICK??????

And you have the audacity to not know whether you still love me or not?? After you consumed and manipulated me into thinking its always my fault. When it should have been me who should have fucking stopped loving you but I FUCKING DIDNT and i still COULDNT.

Yknow why i know i wont be dating after you? Bc you damaged me so bad i cant even begin to think about trusting another human being. When i wanted was the best for you. ALWAYS. i may have had my faults but you know damn well i made up for it EVERY SINGLE TIME. Dont tell me otherwise. You know I DID.

All i did was think of you. I’ve always put you first and you fucking know that. You made me feel guilty for even thinking about myself for being angry at you when i had every right to do so. You broke me Jade. And dont even have the fucking heart to fix it. Fuck you

I never want to see you again.

I hope you fucking regret every single thing you did to me. I hope you regret losing me, “the love of your life”. Fuck you Jade

I hope you’re happy you ruined me.

I hope you’re happy you did this to me.

I hope you’re fucking happy so you wont ever do what you did to me. No ones deserves this. Not even you

Whatever pain you claim i brought you isnt even half of what I endured from you. And you have the audacity to get angry with me.

You dont get to fucking tell me how to fix what you BROKE.

I meant it I forgave you Jade. For my sake.

But forgetting? I wish i could

Bc I’d rather get hit by a fucking truck than be reminded of what you did to me.

And yknow whats worst? I dont even hate you.