The Ballad of Miles Peter Kane
I’m writing this because 80% of the speculation in the AM/TLSP/MK fandom is about Alex – ‘he shags groupies, he’s gay, he’s bi, he’s autistic, he’s an arrogant bastard’....the list is endless. Because he is our master of deception and subterfuge, he opens himself up to speculation.
But on the surface Miles is so different. Happy, smiley, seemingly open Miles, sharing his home and his dog and his family on social media. Chatting away in interviews like a little bird. People think he has it together.
But dig a little deeper and read between the lines, and I get a completely different picture of Miles from the Rascal of 2008 to our One Man Band of 2024.
I have been watching some early interviews with Miles recently and he shoehorns the topic of women and girls into them far more often than Alex ever has. A simple question about if he likes meat is met with a ‘not in a gay way’. At a time when Alex was being photographed looking like Alexa’s little brother or Arielle’s hot gay pal, Miles was being ‘papped’ with his tongue down the throat of the latest hot model or Page Three Girl. There was a sexy girl in every video. And before you say it, yes there were in AM’s videos, but find me one where Alex interacts with them. There was also Miles’ relationship with Suki Waterhouse which I find hard to believe wasn’t real, unless he is far better than Alex at faking a relationship.
Controversial as this may be, but in my opinion, early videos of baby Al flirting openly with Andy, and pressing himself up against Miles, and a bit later on, even AM Alex flirting with that hunky male interviewer, does not point to someone battling too much with their inner homophobia. I think Alex – as ever – has two personalities. The Alex known to the inner circle is out and has been for many years. But Mr Schwartz - the public facing Alex, struggles with his sexuality and the effect it will have on his career and that of his three ‘brothers’.
But read between the lines of their lyrics from the AM/Don’t Forget Who You Are era. AM is filled with longing, of someone who doesn’t know where they stand with this secret - keeping lover who treats them differently at night than during the day. DFWYA is still full of ‘she’ and ‘her’ songs, although ironically the lyrics to Out of Control are so Milex coded it’s funny. I will always maintain Give Up is about Alex (I think ‘stand so tall’ is a figure of speech rather than literally lol) lyrics like ‘you’re pretty good looking but I’m looking for a way out’ and ‘stop tainting my soul’ scream Alex. Don’t forget both albums will have been written around the same time, so I am guessing that they were going through the conflict of Miles not knowing what to do, and him somehow blaming Alex for his confusion, but at the same time unable to keep away from him.
So we reach 2015 and the recording of EYCTE. Something happens. Once on stage and once in an interview, Alex talks about them falling in love whist recording the album. Traditionalists will choose to think he means with their ‘girlfriends’ at the time, but once on tour it is obvious there has been a change in the dynamics. Alex is coquettish and sexy, but his stage personas have all been a variation on this since Humbug, but Miles is different. Miles can’t keep his hands off Alex, Miles follows Alex around the stage like a lovesick puppy. In interviews gone are the playful lusty looks of TAOTU era, instead Miles gazes at Alex like he’s the most beautiful and wondrous thing he’s ever seen.
I think Miles had finally seen the light and realised he was in love with his best mate/casual fuck buddy. He could no longer go on treating Alex like some dirty little secret, and he could no longer deny his sexuality.
What happened afterwards? Who knows, I guess they’re the only ones who know the full truth. But they both came out of EYCTE depressed (the two interviews recently posted on here show this), but Miles admitted to having a mental breakdown, and all I can do is speculate why I think this happened. Imagine being a young man fighting inner demons about your sexuality, you finally realise you’re in love with your best friend and promises are made (see Someone to Rely On and Wrong Side of Life) and he leaves you to go off to France to record an album and keep up his ‘relationship’ with his girlfriend. You have laid yourself on the line and taken a huge step for him and he's gone.
In Alex’s defence, he probably had years of Miles letting him down and also the responsibility of AM etc, but this isn’t about Alex.
But time is a great healer and I think Miles came out of the whole period a different person. By Change the Show, we lose the ‘she’ pronouns (just one ‘girl’, and Suzie and Caroline) and sexy girls in videos. Gone are the models and page three girls. There is a brief ‘romance’ with Nadya Duke, but that is it.
So we come to One Man Band. Apart from one ridiculous tongue in cheek podcast with his friend James Buckley, where he goes on about women (incidentally just before the Ireland gigs with AM), Miles has changed. In early interviews, his childhood heroes are Lennon and Oasis…no mention of Baggio. With One Man Band we suddenly get Baggio and in interviews he talks of how eight year old Miles thought Baggio and the Italian football team were sexy. Old Miles would have followed that up with something like ‘the sort of sexy that pulled birds’, but there was nothing like that, instead he was admitting that part of his sexual awakening was admiring Italian men.
The video for The Wonder had a sexy woman, his friend Didem, but somehow the dynamic felt different, the general vibe was more two mates mucking about.
His stage persona is more ‘fruity’, he is using ‘she’ pronouns but to address himself, and whilst he isn’t ‘out’ - he may never come out publicly, it is entirely his choice - there is definitely a change in Miles, he seems more settled and happy in his own skin. He said he had therapy during the bad period and hopefully that helped. Interestingly he has posted songs about difficult relationships with fathers, and without casting aspersions on Miles’ dad, I wonder if part of his earlier issues were about him trying to please him. Liverpool has quite a macho culture – especially 20-30 years ago. Let’s not forget Miles liked and commented on that beautiful poem about men who know they are gay even when they are children. Maybe it resonated….
Miles story is a fascinating one, a look at a young man fighting his inner demons to get to a point where he knows his true self. I always think Troubled Son is the counter to Body Paint. But Troubled Son is about Miles coming to terms with who he is and accepting his own faults, Body Paint is Alex keeping on his costume, which he doesn’t look like taking off any time soon. Hopefully private Alex is as happy as Miles, and it’s just that public face that looks as though their world is ending.
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—whims & inconsistencies | 5
→ posted: aug 19 20, 2022
→ pairing: kim seokjin x poc!reader
→ genre/au: victorian era!au, pride&prejudice vibes, fluff, smut, angst
→ chapter rating: +18 / M for Mature
→ wordcount: 2.8k words
→ chapter warnings: talks of the attack & wound treating, talks of sick father, argument, angst!!
→ credits: @hobeemin for the most amazing banner idea. @peachiilovesot7 really doesn’t understand how important she is to me but i love her dearly, best beta ever; @moonleeai @cherrysoulth, your comments always give me the confidence boost to post! ♡
→ an: sorry sorry it’s finally here! i know that this chapter is shorter than usual, but this chapter is important to the story movement. i also forgot to hit post because i was beta reading something LMFAO. If you would like to be on a tag list, please reply to this chapter or send an ask.
series masterlist map of Sonyeondan
taglist: @firesighgirl @jungshook7 [it doesn’t let me tag you, just post your tumblr link :( ]
Jiwoo is sick of you hiding in your room. A whole day she spent without you, just to see you accept Kim Seokjin into your bed chamber last night! It’s unfair. As your best friend, she’s fed up and bored and wants to know everything.
At first, she was worried about you being sick, but now that she knows you saw Seokjin, Jiwoo shamelessly knocks on your door loudly and repeatedly as she waits for you to open up. You take a deep breath, knowing that you can’t hide forever and that she’s the only one who can help you with your makeup to hide the bruises that haven’t faded.
Opening the door, you keep your eyes pointed downward as she storms into your room past you, mouth moving a mile a minute as she begins to huff about you hiding out for a whole day.
“I mean, really, YN! I was so bored all day, and here I was thinking you were sick, when in reality, you were—” Jiwoo’s voice comes to a halt as her eyes take in your face.
“What happened to you?!” Her voice is loud, and you reach out and grab her wrist to tug her to your bed so she can sit and you can explain.
“Did Seokjin do this to you?” she asks, and you almost laugh at how incredulous the idea is.
“No, Jiwoo, I promise you, Seokjin did not do this to me. He actually saved me.” You gather the hem of your nightgown so you can sit down comfortably on the bed next to her, and she turns towards you, awaiting more information.
“The other night, when I left practice with Namjoon and Yoongi, the youngest Kim brother and his friends cornered me. They were extremely drunk and making advances, which I turned down. I think that it enraged him—Taehyung— because before, when I would turn him down, he always let it go.” You gently touch at your sore face, wincing as you find the edges of the bruise beneath your fingers. “But this time, I think if I hadn’t gotten away, he would’ve hurt me.”
“You have to tell Seokjin! Wait, didn’t you say that he saved you? Does he know what happened? That it was his own brother?”
“No! He doesn’t know and he can’t know.”
Jiwoo visibly turns red as she quakes with anger at your words.
“What do you mean, ‘he can’t know’? Are you crazy? His brother crossed the line! I have half a mind to go down to their house and beat the rascal myself!”
“Jiwoo, think about it. If I tell Seokjin what Taehyung did, he then has to choose between me and his family. He’ll feel guilty because his brother behaved so wretched towards me, and if he does the right thing, which he will want to do, it means that he would have to condemn his own brother and tarnish his family name. In telling people what happened, rumors will spread and people will think me a harlot. Those who want Seokjin will help fan the flames and make my life difficult.” You shake your head, hoping to keep the tears at bay.
“But, YN, it’s not fair…”
“When is it ever fair for women? There is no right way to handle this, because Seokjin is too good of a person to let his brother off the hook for it, but how can he look at me the same, knowing his brother…”
“Did he?” Jiwoo’s voice is small, a slight whisper as she stares at you in fear with wide eyes.
“No, but he kissed me against my will, and he got pretty handsy with me. If he’d had thirty more seconds, I would be having a different conversation with you right now.” You shiver at the memory as you explain to her in detail what occurred that night.
“You are so brave. Being a woman in our society isn’t easy, but you handle everything you’ve been dealt with such grace.” Jiwoo grasps your hands in hers, smiling at you with watery eyes. “I’ll make sure to cover for you. Tell them it's a particularly rough month for your menstrual or something so everyone leaves you alone.”
“I appreciate it greatly, Jiwoo. You are the best ‘almost’ sister I could ask for.”
She hugs you before she stands, offering to get you some soup to eat or ice for your bruises. You accept both, and she disappears off to the kitchen, making a quick pitstop to Hoseok’s room to ask him to buy you a new violin to cheer you up.
The next two days are spent in your room, practicing on the new violin Hoseok got you for dealing with monthly ailments of being a woman. You were pleased to see the deep brown color of the spruce and maple woods that form the instrument, and the ebony chin rest and pegs had glistened from a fresh polish. Upon first inspection, you noticed the joints and seams were sealed nice and tight, and the sound it made the first time the bow glided across the strings had resonated deeply within you. It was perfect.
Once you were able to easily cover the remaining marks that blemished your skin, you went into town to purchase a gift for Seokjin to thank him for your music sheets. You anticipate a proposal to come soon, especially after the past few days that you have had experienced with him. He was the rescuing force that saved you unknowingly from his own brother, the person to tend to your wounds, healing both skin and heart as he held you gently in his hands. Speaking of holding you gently, the heat between the two of you crackled just a few nights ago, so as more days passed and the Jung’s didn’t report that Seokjin had made a formal proposal, you grew worried.
At practice with your two best friends—this time during the day due to your insistence that you prefer to practice earlier so you have time later in the day to do trainings at home with Jiwoo and Mrs. Jung for running a household—you finally work up the courage to ask Namjoon about his brother.
“Hmm, Seokjin? I mean, no offense, YN, I don’t try to talk to my brother about you.” Namjoon gives you a sheepish grin as he rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t want to hear him talk about you how guys usually talk about the women they want to be with.”
You raise your eyebrows, lowering your violin after giving it a quick tuning.
“Oh? So you men sit around talking about us women in a scandalous manner? I wish to be a fly on the wall.”
“You really don’t, YN. They’re quite crass.” Yoongi, ever the stoic and blunt one, nods while he sits at the piano with his eyes closed. “I don’t even like to hear how they talk about you lot, and I like women.”
You let out a small laugh, but something nags you about Seokjin being almost non-existent in your life lately.
“Is that a new violin?” Namjoon pulls you from your thoughts with his question and you glance at the shiny new instrument in your hands.
“Yes! Hoseok and Jiwoo got it for me.”
“That’s very kind of them…was it for a special reason? Your birthday has already passed.”
“Oh, well if you must know, my woman time was particularly diffic—”
“Actually, why don’t we just practice? I’d love to hear how it sounds.” Namjoon blushes a deep red as he sets up the music sheets for you on the stand of the song he’s been composing, and you laugh at his embarrassment. The change of topic works well to get him off the case of the mysterious new violin, with no follow up questions about your old one, the one that is currently missing.
With practice ending earlier than usual due to the new time you have initiated with your friends, you leave the other two near the Citadel Market where they plan to do some shopping and use the daylight to walk over to the Kim household. You spent a lot of practice thinking about Seokjin, and felt like you were driving yourself crazy wondering where he had disappeared to.
You know it is against the norm for women to go to their suitor’s household to call on them, but with how busy Seokjin’s life is, what with taking over his ailing father’s role, you decide it’s okay. You quite like the thought of getting to meet his parents and have them approve of you, so as you approach his house, you brush off non-existent lint from your skirts and continue down the path to his residence.
Once you turn the corner to walk into the fenced in yard, you see a sight that sends shivers down your spine. You didn’t think Taehyung would still be home at this time, let alone just leaving for the day. You freeze, watching as he fiddles in the doorway, his back to you as he faces inside the house. Steeling yourself for him to say something lewd to you, you raise your head high and walk towards the front door.
Taehyung turns when he senses your presence, and you watch as he appears to fix his mouth to say something to you. Not wasting a moment, you glare your eyes at him and venomously spit out: “Don’t fucking talk to me.”
Taehyung’s eyes widen, and you see a flash of something across his face before a sneer takes its place.
“With a mouth like that, you’ll never get your violin back.”
Not backing down, you turn to face him fully.
“I didn’t tell anyone about what happened that night. I just want to be left alone.”
Taehyung lowers his eyes at you, matching you glare for glare before storming off down the street. You watch him until he’s out of sight.
Ringing the large bell at the door, you wait with gift-in-hand until the butler arrives to let you into the receiving room.
Seokjin takes longer than you expected to come see you, and the tea that was served is almost cold by the time he comes in. You instantly notice that his gaze is guarded, a wary look crossing his face once he seats himself across from you on the small settee.
“I was wondering when you would grace me with your handsome face,” you joke, hoping to ease the tension, but it doesn’t help. You fidget with the gift bag about to speak again to give it to him, but he speaks first.
“Good afternoon, Ms. LN. To what do I owe this visit?”
“Are we being watched or something?” you ask lowly. “Why are you being so formal with me?”
“No, we have the utmost privacy.”
“Okay…Seokjin, is everything okay?” You set the gift bag down, giving him your full attention. You can feel it in your gut that something has happened; the air between you has changed, and not in a good way, so you can’t help with how direct you come across seeking clarity for the benefit of your sanity. “I haven’t heard from you since you came by the house several days ago, and to be honest, I quite expected a formal proposal to be given—”
“I’ve been busy, YN. Quite a lot has been going on in my life the past few weeks, as I’m sure you’re aware.”
You know he’s talking about the role he’s taken on for his father falling sick, but his tone makes you feel like he’s accusing you of not being understanding.
“I know that, you know I understand and I’m here to support you. I just don’t understand why it feels like you’re pulling away or changing your mind—”
“Were you with another man the night you were attacked by those wolves?”
His question stuns you silent. He leans back on the upholstered sofa, crossing one leg over the other and clasping his long fingers atop his knee, watching you.
“I was walking home alone, Seokjin. What is the meaning of this line of questioning?”
“Before you walked home, YN. Were you alone?”
“I—”
“Or were you with another man?”
“How do you know what I was doing beforehand?”
“So you finally admit that you were with another man. I had hoped my brother was wrong, but it seems even in the dark, what he saw was right.”
“Your brother? Why would Namjoon say anything untoward happened that night?” You are thoroughly confused about what Seokjin is accusing you of. You had been with Namjoon and Yoongi that night practicing before you had stupidly decided to walk home alone instead of having one of them escort you, and you’re clueless to know what reason Namjoon would have to allude to anything less than innocent between you and the two of them.
“Not Namjoon. Taehyung. He saw you, gallivanting like a harlot with another man at night…is that who attacked you?”
You freeze in your seat, heart beating rapidly before slowly standing, shaking with anger as you try to keep your voice from raising and alerting people to the bomb that is about to explode from inside of you. Your quick movement rattles the tea and the gift bag on the low table.
“How dare you. How dare you! The fact that you could believe that drunkard! Taehyung is lying to you!”
Seokjin maintains his stoic face as he watches you grow angry, a little surprised by your reaction, but the words he heard from Taehyung still linger in his thoughts.
“What reason would Taehyung have for lying to me about you?”
Your hands ball up into fists as you throw all caution to the wind, your voice dangerously still.
“Taehyung has several reasons to lie to you, Kim Seokjin. The first being to protect himself, and the second being to protect your precious family name. You want to know what really happened that night?” You can feel the anger causing your eyes to water and your voice is starting to break, but you can’t stop now.
“I was practicing with Namjoon and Yoongi that night. You can ask Namjoon. We lost track of time and he rushed home, leaving me and Yoongi to lock up. Yoongi asked me if I wanted him to walk me home, and I said no, because I didn’t think anything would happen to me on the short walk home.”
You take a deep breath, pacing around the low table separating you from Seokjin.
“Unfortunately for me, I ran into three men halfway home. Your precious brother Tae, and his two friends. It was them who attacked me, and Tae who left those marks and bruises on my face and body that you tended to.” You no longer care about being loud, your thoughts circling back to that fateful night as you practically sneer out his brother’s name in disdain. “I lost my violin that night fighting them off, almost lost more than that thanks to your brother! And instead of telling you the truth, I lied and said I was attacked by wolves, because I thought telling you your brother was the one who did this would be something that would tear us apart!” You let out a choked sob, unable to hold back the tears of frustration as you relive the fear of that night.
Seokjin reaches out toward you, his stoic front cracking once he sees the raw emotions pouring out of you. “Please, YN, take a deep breath for me, okay?”
You step away from his reach, not finished with what you have to say. “But it looks like it happened anyways, not because of your brother, but because despite how I’ve opened up to you, you decided that I must be the type of woman to do so with anyone.”
You stumble towards the door with trembling hands and shaky breaths, unable to even look at Seokjin with how furious, no—betrayed—you feel.
“I’ll see myself out. Please thank your waitstaff for the tea.”
Seokjin sits there in the aftermath of your departure, trying to wrap his head around everything that transpired in the previous five minutes. He thinks back through what you’ve said, reminds himself of the wounds he treated on both you and his brother, realizing how Taehyung’s wounds mirrored your own, and he’s horrified that everything you said might be right.
He regrets everything he’s said to you, but by the time he’s processed your words and is stalking towards his younger brother’s bedroom, you’re long gone.
It’s not until you’ve returned to the Jung’s residence and curled up on your bed to cry that you remember you’ve left the gift bag on the table, with a fancy pocket watch that when opened has a picture of you opposite the clock with a perfumed love note inside baring your soul, letting Seokjin know you feel safe with him and asking him to never break your heart.
series masterlist —thank you for reading! feedback is greatly appreciated!! please let me know what you think of this story!
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