#ran out of ideas for how to stretch the content for another 40 seconds

[djinnfizzz]

alan x billy // “the sun is bad”

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 20

Chapter 20: I Know You Get Me

Mera, Morning, 8:34 AM

           I hummed as I worked over the stove, three skillets going all at the same time. Bacon sizzled on the back burner as it slowly curled up, went crisp. Eggs over easy fried toward perfection just in front of me. To my left, French toast browned. The aroma of breakfast filled the kitchen, wafted out over the pool through the open door, mixed with the unique scent of a desert morning.

           We’d been in the Vegas house for just a few days. The essentials had been done, but there were still a few details that I wanted to work on. Of course, we had to catch a flight first thing the next morning to get to the Raw show. On our last day of peace before we had to get back on the road, I wanted to have a little slice of normalcy. Of a traditional marriage.

           Dean was a night owl, probably because of the schedule they had of performing and then driving half the night to get to the next city. He had still been awake when I’d gone to bed around midnight, and I had no memory of when he came to bed. All I knew was that I woke up wrapped in his arms.

           I felt the smile slip onto my face as I realized that could be the rest of my life. If I wanted it, I could wake up with him each and every morning. We could travel the country side-by-side… just like I had with Seth all those years. Only this time, the person beside me actually wanted me there.

           Happiness settled into my bones as I made sure that everything hit the plate hot. It took a moment to find the syrup in the pantry, so I put it on my to do list to organize it to my liking. Dean didn’t seem like much of a cook.

 Dean, Morning, 8:40 AM

           It was surprising as hell when my body woke me up before ten. I’d hit the bed around three and passed out pretty quick. Going to bed early wasn’t my thing, even when I wasn’t on the road.

           My heart skipped a beat when I thought back to when I came to bed last night. Mera was curled up in a ball on what she had claimed as her side of the bed, one hand tucked up beneath her pillow. I moved as quietly as I could to get in to bed, doing my best to not disturb her too much. By the time I’d settled in on my back, she’d turned over, nestled into my side. I fell asleep wrapped in the warmth of her body and the scent of her black cherry shampoo.

           I rolled out of bed, yawning and stretching. There was a moment of a sort of vertigo—a sudden realization that Mera’s things were spread throughout the house, that it was real, she was my wife, and this was our home. I touched my wedding band, letting myself slip back into memories of that night beneath the desert sky when we threw caution to the wind and did something wonderfully stupid and rash.

           The scent of bacon hit me as I came down the stairs. I couldn’t help but grin when I thought of Mera making breakfast in our house. Crying was another option, but I was trying hard to keep my shit together. Getting weepy every time I thought about her and the future wasn’t attractive—and it certainly wasn’t my normal MO.

           I caught sight of her and stopped dead in my tracks. Her hair was drawn back in a messy ponytail, those golden light waves trailing down her back. Sun streamed in through the glass doors and cast a halo of softness all around her. She danced around to some music in her head, her hips swaying side-to-side slowly as she loaded up two plates with food. As beautiful as the entire sight was, it only got better when my brain recognized the shirt she wore.

           It was one of mine, the Ice Bear shirt I’d worn that first day at her place in Florida.

           “Mmm,” I hummed, letting her know I was there. “You’re gonna spoil me, darlin’.”

           She turned toward me, a smile on her face that made her eyes burn bright. A faint blush ran along her cheekbones. I crossed the room and slipped my arms around her waist, palms settling on the curve of her ass. She reached up, locked her fingers behind my neck. With a little giggle, she jumped, wrapping her legs around my waist. My hold shifted, my fingers digging into the soft flesh of her thighs.

           “Good morning, sweet husband,” she murmured, fingers toying with the hair at the nape of my neck.

           There was no looking away from her. Just as I had that very first night, I got caught up, lost in the amber of her eyes. It sent a jolt through my body, a shot of electricity that burned from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head, energy that infused every cell of my body. An ounce of that feeling was better than the best shot of whisky, produced a sensation more addicting than any drug. She held my world—my heart, my soul, my happiness—in the palm of her hand, a goddess of beauty that held every part of me in thrall.

           “Good morning, my sweet wife,” I returned. My voice sounded strange to my own ears. It was deep, guttural in a way that seemed to resonate from that primal sense that had taken root in my chest. Each time I looked at Mera, that instinct purred in contentment. When I called her my wife, it rumbled with acknowledgement. It was such a strange thing to think of her as mine, even as I held her on a pedestal, watched her and knew she could never be tamed.

           I felt the shiver that ran through her when I said those words. I smirked—there was no way to stop it. And I didn’t miss the way her eyes darkened at the same time. I’ll remember that for later.

 Mera, Morning, 8:44 AM

           My sweet wife, I thought, letting the words reverberate in my brain, Dean’s voice amplifying them into my consciousness. I could never get enough of hearing them, of knowing that he held me as his, that everything that I was belonged to him. For the first time, I understood the feeling of being perfectly protected, loved, cherished… wanted. It made my entire being feel light.

           Free.

           I leaned forward and pressed a light kiss on the end of Dean’s nose. He let out a little huff, one corner of his mouth curving up into an indulgent smirk. I grinned back at him, happier than I had been in a very long time.

           “We didn’t have too much in the fridge since we’re leaving tomorrow, but I did what I could,” I said, looking back over my shoulder at the plates still steaming on the counter. “Probably a good idea to buy the spoilable stuff in small doses.”

           When I turned back to him, there was an aura of calm settled on his face. Cornflower eyes swept along my face, the curve of my neck, the shape of my shoulders. He blinked, closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened his eyes again, they were glassy with tears.

           “Oh, Dean,” I cooed, settling my palms against his bearded cheeks. “Don’t do that. Please.”

 Dean, Morning, 8:47 AM

           Shit.

           Shit.

           The word ran through my thoughts, chasing around the overwhelming sense of being unworthy. Unworthy of being in her presence, of being the object of her love, of being able to hold her in my arms, kiss her, watch the way her face burned with pleasure. I was little more than a fucked-up kid from Ohio. She was the Midwestern girl with more brains than I’d ever have.

           Yet, there she was, my arms wrapped around the softness of her body. And she had agreed to be mine that wonderful night on the Vegas Strip. This ethereal goddess had stepped out of my wildest dreams to make my life so much more bearable.

           Mera brushed her thumb along my cheek, her voice wrapping around me and filtering through my thoughts. I breathed in deeply of the scent of her skin, found it mixed with my cologne.

           I sat her carefully on her feet, taking care to not let her go. As if she knew how much I needed it, she curled against my chest, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I clutched her to me, nose buried in her hair.

           “I never thought I would have a shot with someone like you,” I said, surprised to find my voice breaking. “You were so far out of my league. God knows, you still are.”

           She hugged me harder. My fingers delved into her hair, cradling her head against my chest, desperate to feel her against my fingers. It was the only thing that grounded me, kept me from being swept under in this feeling of inadequacy and terror of losing her when she realized who and what I really was.

           “Every second with you is more than I deserve.”

           She wriggled away, sending fear spiking in my veins. The breath ripped from my lungs as she looked up at me, fury snapping in her gaze.

           “Stop it,” she demanded firmly. “Right now.”

           Surprise kept my mouth shut.

           Mera rose up on her toes, palms against my neck, thumbs stroking the bottom of my jaw. “You are the most wonderful man that I’ve ever met. For seven years, you tried to be honorable. For seven years, you were a good friend. Dean Ambrose, you are kind, and gentle, and funny, and sweet, and caring, and smart, and…”

           “I’m not smart, Mera. Not like you.”

           “Bullshit,” she retorted quickly. “You are one of the smartest people I know. A degree doesn’t mean you’re smart. My brother has a master’s degree and he’s dumb as a brick. There are things you can do that I’ll never fathom.”

           She looked me in the eye, fire of conviction crackling all around her. “You are my husband, Dean. And my husband deserves everything in the world and more.”

           I opened my mouth to respond, but she shook her head firmly. She was wreathed in confidence and passion, everything about her awe-inspiring, breathtaking, beautiful.

           “Now sit your deserving ass down and eat your breakfast,” she ordered with a barely concealed grin.

           “Yes, ma’am, sweet wife.”

           God help me, Mera Reynolds was the only woman on the face of the planet who could put up with me. And I’d never let myself—or her—forget how lucky I was that she was mine and I was hers.  

Tag List

@bethany99stuff-blog @houndsofjxstice @lunatictoosweet @xbutterflius-effectusx @mother-forker

[missblushyrose]

Freeze Your Brain

A/N: Hello, my lovelies! It’s your girl here with a D:BH fanfic (finally). A few weeks ago, I was trying to come up with an idea for a new piece, and I had nothing. But then, a certain song made its way into my mind, and I was thinking, “Can androids get a brain freeze?” I’m not entirely sure, but I figured since androids can have sensors, why not? I just feel like Connor having his first brain freeze would be a fun writing challenge. Now sit back, grab yourself a frozen slushed beverage, and just freeze your brain. Y’know? Suck on that straw, just get lost in the pain. Shut your eyes tight, as you vanish from sight- *gets hit with a brick*

"Hank, I don’t believe this is the usual route you take when leaving the precinct to return to home…”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. I just need to stop by somewhere.”

“This route would seem to lead to Jimmy’s Bar. I would strongly advise you to not stop there.”

“Nah, I’m not stopping there. Not that you’d let me, anyway. ”

A dark grey-coated vehicle roamed about the streets of Detroit, appearing to stick out above the typically futuristic 2020s-2030s automobiles with its vintage build. A faint sound of rock music can be heard from just outside of the car, the music itself also serving to be out of place in 2038. Inside said vehicle sat two men side-by-side, one indisputably middle-aged, given his graying hair, and the other an android. The fluorescent blue LED spun around in time to AC/DC’s 'Highway To Hell' at the right side of his head, whereas Hank’s hands lightly drummed the steering wheel to the rhythm as they journeyed through the city.

Connor cast his glance to his right and stared out at the world passing them by, simply tuning out the world around him within his own thoughts. The android then caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the window, deep chocolatey orbs staring back into his own. How he had become so enthralled with looking at himself, he had no clue. Curiosity? It seemed to be a possibility. He blinked, which the reflective illusion copied in time with him, his LED flashing a curious yellow.

“Connor! Earth to Connor, do you read?”

Hank’s voice quickly withdrew the ex-deviant hunter from his thoughts with a startle, the yellow LED rapidly flashing for a few brief seconds before resuming its commonplace blue. Connor’s artificial eyelids fluttered briskly before he finally recovered from his momentary shock, and turned toward the older man, who barked out a laugh at his reaction.

“I fail to see how startling me like that is humorous, Hank,” Connor chided lightly with a hint of annoyance, the small smile tugging at his lips contradicting his own dismay.

“Well, I wouldn’t’ve had to if you weren’t busy looking at yourself for ten goddamn minutes,” Hank chuckled in genuine amusement before reaching out to lightly squeeze at the other’s side a few times, his grin amplifying at the squeaks emitting as the android tried to curl himself up in the passenger seat. “I thought you were going into that weird sleep mode or something.”

“I wahahasn’t!” The prototype argued playfully while gingerly batting at the hand clamped onto his torso with his own, the hand pulling away seconds later to discard the key from the ignition. “I was simply… staring out the window,” He admitted, which only withdrew an unconvinced ‘Mm-hm’ from the other man. “and I seemed to have lost track of time. Is this what humans refer to as… staring off into space?”

Hank looked over at the android and gave off a smile. Somehow, it was hard for him to believe that the kid was simply a machine built to accomplish his mission and nothing more when they had first met weeks ago. Now, they were living together, and Connor seemed more human every passing day, even while he was struggling with it often.

“Yeah, that’s what it is…” He replied before stepping out into the harsh winter atmosphere.

Connor then turned his attention to his surroundings, blue LED morphing to yellow as he began to process their current location. A small parking lot, littered with minimum to no cars, almost vacant. An illuminated sign high in the air with the assistance of a lone metallic pole, the aforementioned surface donning a seemingly nolgastic '7-Eleven' within the center. A small building in front of him withheld the same logo horizontally stretched across the top, along with stripes decorated in red, orange, and green.

“Connor! Unless you’re planning on staying in there all night, get your plastic ass out of the car!”

This made the RK800 put a halt to his examination and proceeded to exit the vehicle, his LED retreating back to blue as he approached the man whom he viewed to be a fatherly figure at the entry doors.

“I thought you did not want me to follow you like a puppy,” Connor stated innocently, his lips curling up in a tiny smirk like the smart aleck he tended to be at times.

“I didn’t fuckin’ tell you to stay in the goddamn car, smartass!” Hank scoffed, furrowing his eyebrows at the sudden know-it-allness being displayed by the deviant. “Now, c’mon. I’m freezing my balls out here.”

“Judging by the current temperature, which is 28.4 degrees Fahrenheit, -2 degrees Celcius, I doubt you’ll, quote, ‘freeze your balls off’.” The android pushed further, the wry smirk never leaving his face.

Hank sighed and ran a hand over his own face before clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Connor?”

“Yes, Hank?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Hank gave him a playful shove towards the automatic door and followed suit, snickering as he watched him stumble into the 7-Eleven.

Connor quickly regained his balance and explored his gaze around the infamous convenience store. To his right, numerous shelves arranged next to each other, filled with heaps of bagged chips, candy, and other various snacks. Refrigerated containers packed with nearly every beverage possible stood against the walls to the far right. What caught his eye, however, was the spectacle considered to be the main attraction to every 7-Eleven, the ever-beloved Slurpee vendor. Plastic cups in various sizes stacked to the side, circular windows allowed eye-access to the colored frozen beverages being continuously stirred, and the assortment of flavors displayed side by side; Wild Cherry, Blue Raspberry, Coke, and Pina Colada. He slowly approached the altar, his newfound curiosity piqued and a spark of interest in his eyes.

“Hadn’t had one of these in a while…” Hank passed him by and made his way to the beverage machine with an extra-large cup in his hand. He then held it underneath one of the four nozzles and filled the cup to the brim with Coke-flavored slushy goodness.

Connor blinked, his LED flashing yellow and rotating as he began to scan the contents of the frozen beverage.

[Processing…]

[Coke Slurpee - 1 Extra Large (40 Oz)

Calories: 349

Sodium: 48mg

Potassium: 1.8mg

Total Carbohydrates: 90g

Sugars: 90g

Calcium: 4% of Daily Value]

(A/N: I wanted to include the nutritional facts, and have Connor scan Hank’s Slurpee like he does to his lunch in the game. Thank you, Google.)

Hank looked up from his slushified soda and to the android’s whirring LED. “Aw, Jesus. I know that look, Connor, so you better not start spewing bullshit about cholesterol, and sodium, and all that crap.”

“Actually, the nutritional facts of your beverage are significantly lower than your typical order at Chicken Feed. However,” Cue an annoyed groan from the older man. “there are 349 calories contained in it. In order to effectively burn said calories, it is recommended that you either walk at three miles per hour for 94 minutes, take a run at six miles per hour for 34 minutes, or-”

“Hell no! You’re already killing me with this health food shit, and I sure as hell ain’t fuckin’ running! Besides, there's nothing wrong with having something like this in moderation. Unless you’d rather I get something with alcohol in it,” He ended on a teasing note, smirking when the android kept his mouth shut. “That’s what I thought.” He then raised his cup and proceeded to guzzle.

Seconds had gone by, and Connor continued to watch the human swallowing plentiful amounts of the drink at a seemingly alarming rate, arousing a tinge of concern within the pit of his stomach.

“Hank, I don’t think you should-” He was interrupted when a hand was raised, signaling him to shut up. Another five seconds went by, and at least 3 ounces was gone, stopping afterward.

Hank smirked to himself contentedly before he felt the coldness of the drink seep its way into his head, creating a throbbing within his skull so painful that it caused him to cry out in pain while clutching his temples. “Aahhh, son of a bitch!”

Connor’s LED flashed a worried yellow, and his eyes widened slightly as he watched him bare with the pain, unsure of what to do. “Hank! A-Are you alright?”

“Aaahhh, whoo…!” He groaned through clenched teeth, the pain fading away three seconds later. “…That was a hell of a brain freeze. Holy shit.”

”…Brain freeze?” The android asked curiously with a tilt of his head, LED reverting back to blue.

“Yeah, brain freeze. You’ve got a dictionary in that head of yours, don‘t you?”

[Brain freeze (Informal NOUN): Also called an ice-cream headache. A pain in the temples and forehead brought on by quickly consuming very cold food or drink.]

”My recent search tells me that a brain freeze is a pain located in the temples and forehead, brought on by quickly consuming very cold food or drink. A short-term ice cream headache, if you will.”

Hank nodded and hummed approvingly as he turned to face the machine, watching the liquids rotate inside the glasses. “Yep. Got that one right. Hey, Connor… do you think androids get brain freeze?”

That question stirred Connor with bewilderment, raising an eyebrow and blinking a few times before he finally drew out an answer. “I don’t think that's possible, Hank. Considering that we do not need to eat or drink, I doubt androids are equipped with sensors in the mouth.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yes, I believe I just said that.”

“Hmm,” Hank murmured before he swiveled back to facing the android with a partially smaller cup than his own with one thing on his mind: proving whether his theory was right or wrong. “You really believe that?” He received a nod. “Well, if you’re so sure of yourself…” He raised the large-sized cup up and out to the other.

“…Try it.”

Connor gazed at the offering held before him with a combination of perplexity, inquisitivity, and uncertainty, his LED flashing a steady blue-yellow-blue-yellow before casting his glance back to the older man. “Hank, I don't need to-”

“Alright, enough with the ‘I don’t need to eat or drink’ bullshit! You may not need to, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t. Now, quit stalling, and just drink it! Put something else in your damn mouth for once!” He barked, shaking the cup in his direction, placing it into his hands when he didn’t take it.

[Processing…]

[Wild Cherry Slurpee - 1 Large (22 Oz)

Calories: 185-]

”And stop fuckin’ scanning it, will you?”

The android scrutinized the beverage with the same curiosity, as well as cautiousness and oscillation, as he had upon being given this cherry red substance encased in plastic. Slowly, the android lifted the cup with a hint of hesitance and shyly opened his mouth, lips enclosing around the plastic straw. First, he took a small drop of the frosty drink through the straw and was greeted with a sweet, tangy welcome. His eyes instantly lit up like a Christmas tree, and he was slightly taken back, yet astonished to discover this new, foreign experience in which humans come to know as taste. After savoring the lone drop, he then proceeded to suck down plentiful amounts of his drink, guzzling down over three ounces within six seconds before withdrawing the straw from his mouth, peering up at the older man with a dumbfounded look.

Connor blinked as the lieutenant stared back at him expectantly, mentally counting down. “…I do not see- Aahhh!” The sudden sensations of the coldness shooting into his CPU captured him by surprise, the chilly achiness ringing within his artificial skull causing him to cry out and clutch at his pulsing temples. He clenched his teeth and shut his eyes tightly as the pain echoed within his head, only for it to fade away seconds later.

Hank was unable to stifle a chuckle from rumbling within his throat, smirking in spite of himself. “Jesus, I don’t believe it! An android caught a brain freeze! How’d that feel, huh? Could you taste it?"

The android unclenched his jaw and kept a hand at his forehead, searching within his database for the words he could find to best describe the recent episode. “It… It felt as though the walls surrounding my CPU were ringing, a-and it was so… cold. It was… mildly unpleasant… And to answer the follow-up question, it tasted sweet and tangy. I think I liked it.”

“Wild Cherry, eh?” The breathed out another chuckle, morphing into a sigh as he looked down into his own concoction. “That was Cole’s favorite, too…”

Connor re-opened his eyes to offer a sympathetic stare with his sad doe-like sparkle in optics, guilt instantly brewing within his systems. “I… I apologize if I upset you. I-I didn’t mean to-”

A dry chuckle resounded in response. “Nah, don’t worry about it. You didn’t bring up anything bad. You actually brought up some good memories.”

“Really?” He asked, blinking with the same innocent facial fixture.

“Yeah,” The older man replied gruffly, a small smile at his lips as he stared off into space. “Sometimes, I pick him up from school, and we come down here for a couple of Slurpees for the road. Most of the time, we have brain freeze contests. We’d chug ‘em down as long as we could before we gave in to the pain, and whoever stopped first lost the game.”

Connor tilted his head to the side, awestruck at the gist of this so-called game. “I do not understand. Why would someone willingly subject themselves to what is believed to be a game, only to undergo something as excruciating as a brain freeze?”

Hank looked over to the android with an incredulous look, shaking his head in disbelief. “Jesus, you’re killing me, Connor! Because it’s fun! Sometimes, you gotta stop all that thinking and just… I don't know… freeze your damn brain! Just suck on that straw, and get lost in the pain!”

(A/N: Oh, good God, here we go with the “Heathers” references again!)

“You mean… what I have experienced tonight?”

A gruff sigh was released from the other. However, an idea was quickly formed to not only show him what he meant, but to bond with him as well. “You know what? Raise your cup, Connor. We’re havin’ a brain freeze contest! Right here, right now!”

“I don’t think this is a good idea…” The android admitted with uncertainty, squinting at such a suggestion.

“Aw, c’mon, it only hurts for a few seconds! Or…” The lieutenant drawled out with an instigating smirk, his tone lowering at the following assumption:

“…Are you afraid of losing to your old man?”

Provoked by the good-natured jeer, Connor regarded the other a confident stare with a challenging grin of his own, blue LED softly whirring as it spun. “Do I detect a challenge, Lieutenant?”

A dark chuckle rose from the older man’s chest, resonating through the small convenience store. “Let’s deal. Loser buys another round of Slurpees for two.”

“Need I remind you, Hank, that as an android, I am capable of outlasting humans. I think the same can be said for participating in human traditions such as this.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on, android!”

With that proclamation, the contest officially commenced, both men hoisted their frozen refreshments simultaneously and began to chug. The contents of their cups seemed to be decreasing fairly quickly as they progressed through, ounce, after ounce vanishing. The two would steal a glance or two at each other, as if watching for the other’s will to endure the ritual crumble, or just to shoot a smug glint in the other’s direction. Seconds have gone by, and while the coldness reached their soft palates, neither had backed down yet. Time grew slow, coldness gradually traversed to their skulls, ringing, stabbing…

Connor had only managed to last for 10 seconds before he finally retreated, due to the throbbing pain within his temples. “Gyaaahhh!”

Hank ceased three seconds after the defeated participant and lifted his cup in the air. “Y-Yeah, suck on tha- Owww! Jesus fuckin’ Christ!” He quickly lowered his raised arm and held his own temples with his free hand, attempting to cope with the sensations by breathing through clenched teeth. “Fuckin’ hell…”

Another few seconds of agonizing mental pain, both the human and the android had finally managed to compose themselves, the coldness subsiding from their heads.

Connor couldn’t contain the smile gracing his facial features, feeling genuinely happy, despite the pain they’ve recently endured. “Congratulations on your victory, Hank. As proposed in your bet, I suppose I’ll be purchasing another two Slurpees for us.” Hank shook his head and waved his hand dismissively, smiling back at the boy all the while.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I’ll buy ‘em.”

“But, Hank, we’ve agreed-”

‘Just shut up let me buy them, goddammit.” With that, Hank grabbed another two cups and filled them with their favorite flavors, Coke and Wild Cherry, respectively, before placing a pile of dollar bills atop the sleek register. He turned to the android, and handed him his second Wild Cherry Slurpee, only to receive a smile as lightheartedly motioning to the automatic doors with his head. “Well? C’mon already! Sumo’s waiting for us!”

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to keep him waiting,” Connor mused lightly, strolling past the other and to the doors, Hank following him shortly afterward.

━━━━━━ 

Fifteen minutes later…

“So, what did you think of your first brain freeze contest, Connor?”

Connor glanced over to his right from his position on the couch, and fixed his gaze upon the middle-aged man he viewed to be his fatherly figure, petting the large Saint Bernard draped over his lap as they’ve watched re-runs of ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’. “Despite enduring the throbbing pain, it was rather enjoyable, to say the least.”

Hank threw a smile at his android of a son and chuckled warmly before he directed his attention back to his living room television, taking another swig of his Coke-flavored Slurpee.

Cole would've fuckin’ loved him…

[schultz290]

Fallout 76 Isn’t Just Crass, it’s Perverse

In 1983 a movie aired on ABC called “The Day After”. It was a harrowing drama based around the simple premise that the United States and Soviet Union had finally taken the plunge to all out nuclear war. The filmmakers sent a tape of the film to the White House a week before it aired, and Ronald Reagan watched it personally at Camp David. We know this because he wrote this in his diary:

“Columbus day. In the morning at Camp D. I ran the tape of the movie ABC is running on the air Nov. 20. It’s called “The Day After.” It has Lawrence Kansas wiped out in a nuclear war with Russia. It is powerfully done—all $7 mil. worth. It’s very effective & left me greatly depressed. So far they haven’t sold any of the 25 spot ads scheduled & I can see why. Whether it will be of help to the “anti nukes” or not, I cant say. My own reaction was one of our having to do all we can to have a deterrent & to see there is never a nuclear war. Back to W.H.” 

There are two readings of this entry and subsequent diary entries. One was popularized by Edmund Morris’ memoir Dutch: that Reagan was so profoundly depressed after seeing the movie that it set him on the path towards disarmament treaties and the slowing of the arms race that marked the second half of his presidency. A second, perhaps more grounded reading, is that Reagan was further convinced of the necessity of deterrence and of nuclear weapons’ existence. This second reading is supported by the White House sending George Shultz to debate nuclear disarmament on TV and to defend the White House’s continued policy of stringent deterrence and “peace through strength”. But regardless of whether it pushed Reagan towards disarmament or deterrence, the movie undoubtedly had the very human effect of chilling Reagan and driving home the idea that a nuclear war would be a completely unacceptable catastrophe.

The reason I bring this up is that since Bethesda’s E3 press conference last night, I cannot shake a dark feeling that has settled on me that was produced by the Fallout 76 presentation. What would Reagan have said, done, or thought after playing Fallout 76? What feelings or emotions would it have produced?

Bethesda’s treatment of the Fallout name has been cavalier and crass for years. Since the decision to market Fallout 3 using a bevy of chipper 40′s swing music, and to pump the game’s soundtrack full of it using a poorly explained radio station, it’s been clear that Bethesda didn’t understand the tone of the original Fallout games.

I can already hear Fallout fans howling at my door: “Fallout has always been tonally inconsistent! It’s always been cavalier about nuclear war! You’re reading too much into it, Fallout was never serious!” I beg of you, please please please, watch the intro to Fallout 1:

Note the American soldiers executing prisoners, the call to buy war bonds, and perhaps most importantly, the way the song “Maybe” by the Ink Spots isn’t allowed to resolve. The sound the scene ends on is wind howling through a dead city as the last chopped up strains of the song echo into nothingness. THAT is the tone of Fallout. Yes, Fallout always had a dark humor about it, and yes, especially in Fallout 2 there is some pretty wacky stuff that doesn’t work (I’m looking at you, porn star quest). But the overwhelming tone of the first two games was a world founded in a tragic and needless holocaust, and the reason for the fanciful pseudo 50′s art style was to drive home that a world this callous about war and violence in the way America was in the 1950′s would inevitably destroy itself. It’s also worth noting that “Maybe” is the ONLY licensed period song on the soundtrack, and that most of the game’s soundtrack sounds like this:

Mark Morgan’s soundtrack is a brilliant suite of ambient songs intended to play under and set the tone for long sessions of slowly paced CRPG play, and listening to them still gives one an overwhelming sense of tension and menace. Notice how the “wind” sounds like air raid sirens. There’s a ghostly, empty, sad quality to the track that sets the correct tone for a game dealing with a post nuclear wasteland. And this track isn’t for a specific “scary” location, it’s the default ambiance that plays if you stop anywhere on the world map.

So if you come and tell me that “Fallout was never serious”, you’re wrong. Sorry. I would completely accept an argument for tonal inconsistency, or for the first two games not dealing with the subject matter as well as they could have, but I will not accept the premise that Fallout has always had it’s current tone.

Fallout 76 is this tone reaching it’s ugly apex. Bethesda’s portion of the press conference dedicated to it was packed to the brim with kitschy songs, dopey cartoons full of animated gore, and an overwhelming sense of celebration and fun. Normally these things wouldn’t bother me, as that is what Bethesda’s Fallout has been since Fallout 4, and arguably since Fallout 3. But what happened next was what made me feel physically uncomfortable. As a group of player characters was taking post nuclear selfies, they were atomized using the same special effect that “The Day After” uses: an “x-ray” effect where we briefly see the skeletons of the people as the heat flash annihilates them. The stream cuts away from the footage as Todd Howard confidently struts the stage. Above him on the screen: a cartoon drawing of an ICBM. With practiced bravado, Todd reveals their newest gameplay feature as the crowd begins to roar with excitement. In Fallout 76, players will be able to find and use nuclear weapons to destroy other players’ bases, and will be rewarded with special rare loot for doing so.  This isn’t just crass, or tonally inconsistent. It’s actually disgusting and perverse. It’s one thing to use the backdrop of an apocalypse for wacky adventures, it’s another entirely to encourage players to press the nuclear button and reward them for doing so. The whole idea of a nuclear apocalypse scenario being the setting of a game is to, at least on some level, explore the grim consequences of such an event for humanity and society. Now we’ve gone all the way around, to where instead of being a grim ghost of the past and harbingers of our potential future, nuclear weapons are now endgame content in a multiplayer game. They’re the equivalent of a shiny gun with a cool name in Destiny. They’re the biggest bestest reward for the most dedicated fans. The ultimate power fantasy.

What would Ronald Reagan have felt after nuking his rivals in multiplayer? What lessons would he have taken from getting super sick endgame loot from the irradiated crater he created? Right now as I write this, and during Bethesda’s press conference, President Trump is in Singapore to negotiate about the very issue of nuclear weapons with Kim Jong Un. Would Fallout 76 convince Trump that “fire and fury” won’t give him what he wants? Would it depress him, and convince him that nuclear war is unacceptable? Games have always had and will continue to have crass approaches to the concepts of war and violence, but Fallout had a special responsibility in it’s dealing with the very real subject matter of nuclear weapons. Now Bethesda has gone beyond ignoring that responsibility, to actively going against it. Their new game is going to ludically encourage players to scorch vast stretches of the Earth so that they can revel in the rewards with their friends. I cannot think of anything more troubling than that game being revealed at this time in history.

[ernieboxall]

The 3 Unwittingly Made Mistakes I've Made In Speaking

 So, here we are...the first issue of 'How To Shine Instead of Shiver' webinar is in the can-or in my Dropbox anyway. It wasn't all roses, but it is out there now and ready to be improved on in the future. It took the sweat of the preparation, the toil of practice and the butterflies of going live.

                                                                                                                  There are loads of webinars out there, it looks easy, right? The thousands of successful webinars, and the online 'guru's', creating courses to help us become the success we've always wanted to be. Making the five and six-figure fees in 'passive' income and, by following their advice and downloading the information they have created, you too can join the ranks of the thousands of people in their membership group.

Have you ever noticed how they promise that the 'download' would enable you to start using their knowledge to build the life you choose-and then, having made the purchase, you are offered an up-sale for $27, and when you've bought the 'Bonus' they have the De-Lux offer for $355 a month?

 Let, me assure you now, though, with different price scales, this will be no different.

  You see, I offer you a 'Disclaimer' right now! "I do not know everything about speaking to a live audience or even to camera...but what I do know, I know well. But I'll tell you this-writing my webinar introduction, and my webinar course has not been 'Easy' anything but!

  Now, I don't know whether I will get to 100 webinars or Live videos. My '4 o'clock Sunday Stories' has been offered to the audience for over a year so that must be 52 at least. And, although I've worked hard to post every Sunday, sometimes being caught out by gremlins, sometimes by 'Life'. What I can do is put my experiences out there and hope that some part of it makes an impact on one person more than one person out there who can benefit.

    OK, so with that out of the way what am I going to do for YOU this newsletter?

   After all, one of the reasons for writing this particular newsletter is to dive into the confessions of a reluctant speaker. I'm going to share with you; the 3 unwittingly made mistakes I've made in speaking. A career which stretched back to before I was born (but, made real in November 2002. I'm giving them out in the hope you will not make them.

    Mistake #1 - I hadn't practised the 4 Ps:

  My first network meeting was in July 1994. I started a personal training business for business owners working in-house and outdoors. I had, almost, a lifetime of exercise behind me. My father, who had been a sportsman in the war, was a soldier and the battalion-sporting mascot. He represented the battalion in rugby, football, running and boxing (more about this later). After the war, he continued his sporting activities and included me in his training, even though I was only five years old.

   Now, at 40, all that experience was being put to good use building a business--or so I thought! I'd already ran my circuit training groups, been a supply teacher and assistant manager in semi-professional football. So! Exercise classes for executives would be the logical next step. Right? That's what I thought, but I found out, to my financial and physical cost, that there is so much difference between the two. And, the difference is that while I was a fitness trainer, supply teacher and assistant manager, I was being paid. Suddenly, I was looking for my first client.

   And, looking for that first client meant going to network meetings and earning my own money. That meant that not only did I have to structure the course, but I also had to sell the course. I knew how to set up sessions, and I knew how to deliver them. What I didn't know how to do is to be convincing when people who wanted to work with me, saw me.

   You see, the know, like, and trust factor depends on communication and connection, but when I went networking for the first time I didn't do what I'm teaching the people who are looking to go through the process now, to do themselves...The 4 Ps of Perfect Presentations. I knew nothing about them and made the biggest mistake of all...I went along unprepared. Does that sound like you? Do you remember your first networking event?

    I rose early, bathed and groomed, went out into the dark, ice-covered night and scrapped the windscreen. I drove about 5 miles to the meeting, smiled at the man taking names and joined the other members at the coffee table. Then the moment we were asked to sit down and told that we would be asked to make a 60-second pitch. No one told me. Perhaps, no one will tell you.

    I hadn't prepared a pitch, so I didn't practise, and since I hadn't prepared or practised I didn't have a good posture, so the performance was crap.

 I didn't know why, but I did know that it wasn't a good look. I saw and heard the other business owners tell their stories and determined to find a way to do better...that just took more network meetings, more expense, more travel and more listening.

  Then, I remembered what I had done some 25 years before when I gave my first speech as a best man to the daughter of Nuneaton's Head of the Chamber of Commerce. I was given three months notice and used them to prepare and practice, which meant that my posture and performance hit the mark. It's easier when you have three months notice, isn't it?

  From that moment on the whole process of speaking to a live audience became much more comfortable and, over the following months, much more polished. So much so that I built a client-base of 5 business owners who worked with me over two years until the economy, which had been in the doldrums, picked up and took off...they were so busy that they decided that exercise came second.

 And, so...back to square one.

  But, now I knew the secret of being comfortable and confident talking to a live audience. And, having done it once, I was determined not only to do it again but to help other business owners let go of the anxiety and dread...and grow their business through their 'Audible business card'.

  Mistake #2 Taking the same message to different groups.

  One major lesson I learned from the experience at network meetings was that you could spend an awful lot of money on business cards, banners and websites but if you can't excite people face to face, or on camera, then that's a waste of finances.

 There's also another problem with those same methods of communicating with potential customers. And, that is that the words don't change. You turn up at a meeting set up your banner, begin to chat to people around the coffee table and exchange business cards, watch the receiver put the card in their pocket or into a card wallet. Over a meal, you chat with the people on the table and tell them a little about yourself before giving your 60-second presentation.

  On your way home, do you wonder how many people will take any notice of the card or the words on the card? Do you wonder how many people read the words on your banner? How many people go to your website and read the words before following up?

  A few days later, you go to another networking group and go through the routine of raising the banner and handing out business cards. You give your 60-second presentation and move on. Now, my view is that the words on your banner and the words on your business cards don't change...the same words to a different audience. The words you use to accountants, solicitors, IT specialists and website builders must surely be different from the words for architects, interior designers, plumbers and window cleaners.

  You have a much more economical way of making an impact on these audiences to use what I call 'Your audible business card'—your mouth.

 Using the 4 Ps of Perfect Presentations, you can change your presentation depending on the needs of the sales staff-because ultimately that's what the people in front of you are-require to 

hear from you.

  In any case, your initial message is only as fresh as the number of times you tell it to the same audience; few business owners can get away with telling the same story, to the same people time after time. It's always good to have versions of who you are, where you are, what you do and who you're looking to talk to. But, whatever the version, the 4Ps remain the same.

  Your 'Audible business card' cost no more than the time to prepare and practice your next presentation. After that presentation, if it's a good presentation, then people will come and ask for your e-mail, your telephone number, people will ask You for a 1 to 1.

  Mistake #3 How do I know if it's a good presentation?

 "How do I know if my presentation is any good?" That's a question I am asked regularly. And it's pretty easy to answer.

"How many people came up and asked for your details after you finished?' I could finish there, the outcome. You may have made every one of the

'4 Unwittingly Made Mistakes Many Speakers Make When They Speak To A Live Audience,' and still get a ton of business. If that's the case, brilliant. I couldn't be more pleased.

" Could you have got more? And did you have any sleepless nights, anxiety or dread before the presentation?

 You see, there are always improvements to be made, and it's not a bad idea to know where those improvements can be made straight away. And there are just 3 Questions to ask yourself-or the people who listen to you. Those questions are:

 What Did I/You Like?

What Would I/You Change?

What Do You Remember? (Hopefully, you remember the main points of your presentation.)

 Let's have a look at the questions one by one. 

What did I/you like? The criteria might be - Poster; Tone; Speed; Volume; Pauses; Smile; Delivery; Conclusion.

 What would I/you change? Posture; Tone; Speed; Volume; Pauses; Smile; Delivery: Conclusion; Verbal Crutches

 This is the big one! What do you remember? Leave it a couple of days and then ask "What do you remember from my presentation?"

  The answers to these questions will determine whether your sales team, the people who have stayed with you, will recommend you when they are talking to their partners, clients and other business owners. How many of the people not at the presentation ring you up and say that you have been recommended.

  Once you have answers to these questions, the 4 Ps and particularly the performance will improve your presentations, your self-esteem, your health and your financial prospects without sleepless nights, anxiety or dread.

  I hope sharing these mistakes has given you some insight into your presentations and will, perhaps save you money and aid your health. Also, I'll be back in a fortnight with more insights into speaking and storytelling in business and life.

  If you have any comments on anything I've written in this issue, feel free to e-mail me at ernie@erniesaid.info 

 I've enjoyed putting this together to celebrate my first webinar.

   I finished this article while listening to Hamlet performed by the RSC on the BBC...you can bet these actors used the 4Ps to Perfect their performances.

[humbleoaks]

Independent Study 2020: Childhood in the Information Age

This paper focuses on suburban childhoods of the late 20th and 21st centuries. Though many of the children raised during this time are entering adulthood, my conclusion remains that each of us has an inner child that can be fed and healed through nature’s experiences.

It is important to note that mental health will be discussed heavily. While it remains a serious and legitimate concept, this paper focuses on the development of anxiety and depression disorders through seemingly superficial causes. There is a level of privilege that comes with these stressors and situations. Therefore, I am viewing the stressors, both spatial and inter-personal, and their effects as something that can be treated or alleviated. This is a critique on the structure of modern society and not on the legitimization of mental health disorders.

The situations described within inspired my writing today. It is important to note that these following situations predominantly affect white, upper-middle to upper class families. A level of privilege must be recognized in the terms of home ownership, location of said home, ownership of electronics, internet connectivity, and familial structure. 

Table of Contents

I. Introduction

II. Spatial Relationships

III. Inter-Personal Relationships

IV. The Undisclosed Side Effects of the Information Age

V. Nature’s Benefits and Where to Find Them

Bibliography

 “Man’s unhappiness is due to his having first been a child” -Descartes

 I. Introduction

Youth is a timeless concept. It stretches and snaps like elastic throughout a lifetime. Moments are found of pure bliss and contentment, like that of a child, until human’s mortality butts its head. There is a time of adolescence where this peace of mind is fostered in the comfort of the homestead before the norms of society are imposed on the ever willing yet defiant juvenile. It is within this period of true biological youth that one learns the basic foundations of what it means to be part of something larger, whether that be the relationship to earth and its roots or to others and community.

Throughout human history, the structure of childhood has fluxed across time and culture. Surely there has always been responsibility for the child to care to, and it is up for argument if those responsibilities are more or less intense compared to those of today. Yet those responsibilities were almost always tied in one way or another to nature. The field, the cow, the crop, the fawn had dominated the landscape in which the child works and plays. Their connection to the earth was strong and respected. It brought peace, instilled tolerance, taught patience, and empathy. Today, that connection has been lost to many children of Western civilizations either to fear or apathy. Nature has turned itself over in concept, and it is worth it to question where those values will be instilled in new generations if not with the help of nature’s order.

Stimulation of the mind once came slower and simpler for youth than what is seen in our modern technocratic society. The time period beginning in the late 20th century where technology changed the course of human life, called the Information Age, is responsible for this sensory overload. The mind had time to recover and regenerate before moving onto a new frontier. Now, from the moment of birth, children are exposed to multitudes of stimulants either from technology itself or the societal structure it has helped to create. They are supplied a constant dose of input from which it seems there is no end.

The Information Age’s impact both benefit and depress the human condition. Beginning with the Industrial Revolution and advanced by world wars, Western society has molded into a completely new form where technology has become omnipresent and nature a secondary place of life. Subconsciously it has influenced the decisions of economy, land use, community and family. It is tethered to the idea of comfort, advancement, freedom and ingenuity. This society has seen great joy and connection come from the Information Age. However, this era of history has just yet begun, and its impacts on the child just starting to surface. The way we have come to define childhood in the unspoken name of advancement may hold deeper, more sinister effects on the next generation than originally considered. An era of information and electronics, the Information Age’s impact on the structure of spatial and inter-personal relationships has caused an unprecedented spike in adolescent mental health issues. Reconnecting the child to nature can both alleviate and regenerate a prosperous mental state.

II. Spatial Relationships

The reconfiguration of spatial relationships for the child of the Information Age must be traced back to the 1960s. The post-WWII era brought a flourishing consumer economy, veteran benefits that allowed private vehicular and home ownership, and an accelerated movement of white flight from the urban landscape. While Americans yearned for a sense of normalcy, a baby boom occurred leading to an increased emphasis on the nuclear family and the ideal of the quarter-acre lot. Thus, suburban land planning surged and put forth the values of transport and ownership throughout the United States. The dominant landscape for child rearing became stretches of asphalt and green grass lawns, an antithesis of the streetscape in which community and play took place before, but in perfect alignment of the patriotism Americans held. Lawns provided a narrative of unity and civic responsibility. Although children amply sought out play within this context, it was limited in opportunity and could be viewed as a void in which the child applies play onto rather than fully participating with the landscape. At the same time, the move towards the indoors for the child was increasing as products rolled out yearning for their attention and that once familiar streetscape became a place primarily for travel.

Still, children were not totally bound to the indoors. But what was increasing in prominence were landscapes specifically designed to instigate play. The boundaries of childhood began to shrink as play became a structured concept built into the spatial relationship of suburbs on account of planners and developers. “Where is this vital activity to be carried on if every part of the child’s environment is spoken for to meet the economic, social, and cultural needs of the adult community?” (Nabhan, 1994, pg.27). For example, play became a controlled notion through the heavy use of sports fields and playgrounds. These set the narrative as to how and when play should be performed instead of allowing a flow of interaction to naturally occur between children and end on their autonomy. “It is a loss that so many playgrounds have become dominated by machine-like recreational equipment, structured games, and paved-over areas… play has become too domesticated” (Nabhan, 1994, pg.8-9). While natural ecosystems, bountiful with creases and crevices for the imagination, were being erased, a strict new order was quietly unfolded for the child to accept.

Today, 52 percent of Americans live in suburban landscapes (Bucholtz et.al, 2018) and these spatial restrictions have concreted themselves through cultural normativity, or folkway. These limitations go unquestioned for families child rearing in such communities. This provides the foundation upon which the Information Age amplifies the cultural control over childhood in which inter-personal relationships have evolved or degraded in a sense as the child spends more and more of their developmental years indoors and in touch with screens rather than companions.

III. Inter-Personal Relationships

Just as the home landscape became increasingly structured in disregard to the child’s will, the education system in more recent decades has also pushed to confine the limits of the child’s lifestyle. In 2001, President George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act in which state standardized testing was enacted along with Common Core standards beginning as early as preschool (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.188). In order for public education systems to maintain federal monetary support, grades of students must meet a set national standard. According to Greg Lukianoff (2019), “Today, kindergarten is much more structured and sedentary, with children spending more time sitting at their desks and receiving direct instruction in academic subjects ‘drill and skill’ style.” (pg.188). This means that increasing pressure to perform is put on children as early as age three and continues throughout their educational journey. Comparatively speaking, reference the drastic change in checklists for entry to first grade from 1979 to 2011:

Is Your Child Ready For First Grade? (1979)

·         Does your child have two to five permanent or second teeth?

·         Can he repeat an eight to ten word sentence, if you say it once, as “The boy ran all the way home from the store”?

·         Does your child try to write or copy letters or numbers?

Source: Whitley, 2011

Checklist from St. Theresa’s in Austin, Texas

·         Identify and write numbers to 100

·         Interpret and fill in data on a graph

·         Form complete sentences on paper using phonetic spelling (i.e. journal and story writing)

Source: St. Theresa’s Catholic School, 2012

In order to keep up with demand, schools sacrificed play in the form of recess at an increasing rate. According to Richard Louv (2008), “In the USA, as the federal and state governments and local school boards have pushed for higher test scores in the first decade of the twenty-first century, nearly 40% of American elementary schools either eliminated or were considering eliminating recess (p.99).  This means that children lost time to build social and emotional skills within their school environment and their chance to enhance it on their own as homework assignments stacked up. As information intake is pushed in favor over character building, children spend more time isolated from others and bound to books or computers when instead they should be enjoying the freedom and exploration of early development.

The restrictions from the educational environment are emphasized by parents. The same ‘concern’ that government agency has for students has been normalized in the household as well. Many parents of upper-middle or upper-class households not only want to meet standards for education but also mold their child to get them ahead in a competitive world. This practice of parents cultivating their children’s talents by way of adult-guided activities, lessons, and closely monitored experiences is called concerned cultivation (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.173).  Whether it be organized sports, music lessons, debate teams or math tutoring, the child’s after school time is dictated towards the enhancement of a feature to their personality instead of their development as a whole. It seems increasingly that the autonomy of the child and their right to decisions made about their life are overlooked for the benefit of information intake. They may be yearning for free play, the spontaneous connection with others their age, more than they can express. Even then, does the child understand the comparative value of free play and socialization with peers versus the structured activity presented to them? It may be that the generation held to high standards from the start are beginning to completely lose out on what it truly means to be a child. The forcing of maturity is starting earlier and earlier. Children soon may be trained to only perceive a life of organized activity just as the limitations of their spatial reality have become normalized. And even still, the newfound technology of social media may forever alter the way in which these children believe inter-personal communication to be normal.

According to Pew Research Center, in 2018, 95% of teens reported them having a smartphone or access to one. “These mobile connections are in turn fueling more-persistent online activities- 45% of teens now say they are online on a near constant basis” (Anderson & Jiang, 2019). Whether it be for schooling purposes or social, the increasing rates at which youth are consuming some form of media from technology-based sources is overwhelming. This trend spiked dramatically around 2007 to 2012 when the most popular social media platforms were founded, such as Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.147). At first social media was just a small addition to the typical social life of a teenager. Then, like a snowball effect, the concept of the virtual-self appeared. Today that version is just as valid as the real self and is used in placement for conversation. Pew again cites that teens are more likely to report their social interactions with friends happening online, about 60%, in comparison to the 24% that spend time in-person with friends at the same frequency (Anderson & Jiang, 2019). One of the major reasons for not meeting up in person is due to the overwhelming amount of schoolwork and concerned cultivation that these teens face. Children born after 1995, for example, spend 18% more time in school and 145% more time doing homework than the youth of 1981 (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.185). It makes out that this may be the only way for teens to truly get to know each other. But is this the equivalent to in-person communication? Not close. Verbal cues, facial expressions, and body language cannot be transferred across a screen and therefore limit that amount that two people can truly begin to know each other. Would this matter anyway to a generation where childhood was increasingly solitary the way it was?

It should also be noted that the primary goal of social media companies has shifted since turning into conglomerate monopolies. The ideal is to get users, in this case teens, to stay on the site as long as possible. Users are continually guided down rabbit holes, thus creating distractions away from the original concept of connection with friends and towards what could be called empty information intake. And since social media is universal, it’s entirely possible for teens to follow or view the pages of complete strangers. The constant bombardment of seemingly perfect virtual selves again enforces the competition factor in the adolescent’s life. Not only is pressure to succeed coming from school and home, but also now from the sites they divert to in order to get away from it all.

The constant bombardment of digital information crosses generations in the Information Age. Media consumption has also affected the parents of adolescents, especially in the form of the 24-hour news cycle. The drive to push excitability and sensationalism to news viewers, predominantly to viewers over the age of 30 (Mitchell, 2016), means that increased fear over the safety of children is yet another restricting factor in the child’s life. The trend to fetishize safety and over-estimate the danger children are in means that parents are less likely to teach their children to accept risk, even in low doses.

Another look back to the late 20th century is necessary to understand the current news programming and its effects. In the 1980s, an increased movement to protect American kids from strangers led to the beginning of missing children’s photographs on cartons of milk (c. 1984) and crime shows like America’s Most Wanted to be broadcasted to the general public (c. 1988). “Many parents came to believe that if they took their eyes off their kids for an instant in any public venue, their kid might be snatched. It no longer felt safe to let kids roam around their neighborhoods unsupervised” (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.166). These parents, growing up in the 1960’s, may have experienced a giant crime wave either personally or from the news. After decades of bombardment from media sources that the threat carried on, even if they had practiced escapism from the urban atmosphere, parents grew weary of letting children roam free. In 2004, 85% of mothers said their children do not play outside as much as they had when they were the same age. 82% cited safety concerns and fear of crime as the primary reason (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.186).

These fears are unfounded, especially within the suburban setting. Nation-wide, 91% of missing children are runaways and less than 1% are abducted by strangers (National Center). The news media is made to promote these ideas just as much as social media is made to keep their users hooked. If it pulls ratings, it will be broadcasted, even if the truth is skewed. What this push for concern does promote is not the actual safety of children but the concept of safetyism, or an obsession with eliminating threats both real and imagined. “Safetyism deprives young people of the experiences that their antifragile minds need, therefore making them more fragile.” (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.32). The media these parents are intaking inadvertently affects their parental habits, making them more inclined to produce behaviors and rules that restrict the independence of the child in favor of protecting them from any possible threat of danger. According to development psychologist Allison Gopnik (2016), “…By shielding children from every possible risk, we may lead them to react with exaggerated fear to situations that aren’t risky at all and isolate them from the adult skills that they will one day have to master.” The mental growth of children becomes stunted as they inherit the notion that the world at large is against them with possible threat around every corner. Not only are children then more restricted in time span for play outdoors, but it becomes a concept that is equivalent in danger with the likes of abduction. Parents carry their fear and hesitation of exploration to the child’s mindset. This is inherently bad as exploration enhances self-discovery and allows children to become steadfast in the face of adversity. As adolescents mature, their lack of exposure to stressors disables them from becoming productive with new peoples and ideas. The introversion of the mindset, now both spatially and personally confined on a multitude of fronts, takes a deep toll on the mental health of these people as they age.

IV. The Undisclosed Side Effects of the Information Age

The stressors facing modern adolescents are bombarding them on all fronts, maintaining a daily cycle. For them there is seemingly no escape as the stressors are tied to a form of technology or tech-influenced societal structure in which they must partake to be a fully participating citizen. The pressure of advancement leads them towards a mindset where taking breaks could change the course of their whole lives. What could the effects be from these stressors on the mental health and social ability of the children of the Technological Revolution?

First, we must introduce iGen, the generation of children born from 1995 and onwards. These children grew up just at the beginning at which information technology was becoming a staple of the middle-and-upper class lifestyles. The childhoods of the oldest iGen members held a healthy mix between outdoor free play and technology use as the first iPods and Play Stations rolled out. Screens may have been a part of their educational environment, but not the largest role, and standardized testing was not yet a large part of their formative learning environment.

These people, now well into their 20’s, have witnessed the exponential growth of social media and entertainment as well as the use of electronics throughout their lifestyle, even so much as to into their love lives. The generations born in the 21st century, however, are more likely to have grown up with technology already a norm of daily life and social interaction. Children born after 2010 learn motor skills at the same pace as they learn to navigate iPhones. Regardless, all people born within this time span have been mentally impaired by the explosion of the Information Age, even if at varying degrees. iGen suffers from far higher rates of anxiety and depression than did Millennials at the same age- and higher rates of suicide (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.30).

There are a number of social and emotional trends that go hand-in-hand with the diagnosis of mental illness among iGen, all stemming from the previously stated stressors as well as the continuing disconnect children have from the natural environment. First is the concept of cultural autism, the tunneling of the senses and feelings of isolation and containment as experience opportunities narrow ((Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.64-65). The world is viewed within a continually narrowing window by iGen youth due to the multiple restrictions on their lifestyle. Yet the world seems overwhelmingly large, given the amount of information constantly available to them. This develops them to have a ‘know it all’ state of mind as almost every bit of information that can be conveyed visually or linguistically is at their fingertips. However, there is also the loss of primary experience, or when all senses including touch and smell are enacted. Descartes viewed primary experience as a major cultural force in the world, yet it increasingly is lost to screen time and isolation. Therefore, this ‘know it all’ mindset is unfounded, and the child may be existentially aware that they are truly missing out on the full human experience- their window to the world is narrowing. Does the dread that comes with this existential binary lead iGen to having greater mental health issues?

Even if iGen does realize their loss of a primary experience, the way the Information Age has wired their brains leads them to believe the outside world, nature, is inherently boring due to their normalization of instant gratification. Technology is fast-paced and almost anything can be loaded within seconds for the iGen member to intake and move onwards. However, other tasks that require more critical thinking and imagination may seem too daunting or exhaustive for them to take part in, whether it be navigating in-person social interactions or conjuring up a play experience in a field. They tend towards frustration and surrender rather than pushing onwards, their brains are no longer wired to explore the context outside of their slight vision of how the world works as most things in life have been dictated to them or on behalf of them. “They can’t make their own entertainment. They have to bring something with them” (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.12).

iGen has normalized their limited personal boundaries and restrictions thrust upon them from the outside world and in turn have retreated to the realm of the internet to act out their lives. As noted before, much of their free time is now spent indoors behind a screen. Lianna George (2008) states that too much technology in these formative years stunts to maturation of a normal frontal lobe and ultimately freezes the brain in “teen mode… unable to learn, remember, feel, or control impulses.” This is in part because of the psychophysiological stress recovery theory in which responses to stress are located in the limbic system and need a rapid recovery to prevent damage and exhaustion. Constant bombardment of the senses that iGen undergoes from schooling to leisure time does not allow for this recovery to occur. According to Raemond DeYoung (2002), Associate Professor of Environmental Psychology at the University of Michigan, the inhibitory process tires and reduces mental effectiveness, increases irritability, impatience, and distractibility. Where once generations past could find solace in the outdoors to mitigate stress response, iGen no longer has such an ample opportunity due to inherited hesitation. In fact, iGen children are more inclined to suffer from a nature-deficit disorder. First introduced by Richard Louv (2012), nature-deficit includes “atrophied awareness, a diminished ability to find meaning in the life that surrounds us, whatever form it takes” (pg.11). The shrinkage of the opportunity and increasing sensory demand results first in non-scientific but social disorders like nature-deficit, cultural autism, and loss of primary experience, then eventually in an increase in diagnoses of anxiety and depression.

 James Sallis of the Active Living Research Foundation cites an indoor, sedentary childhood being linked to mental health problems (Louv, 2008, pg. 32). Kids spending more than two hours on screens for leisure are at elevated risk of depression and suicide-related outcomes (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.152-153). The stressors of the real-world, topped with the social and emotional isolation coming from increased time spent of the internet, is leading kids to be diagnosed at an increasing rate and at younger ages. The rate at which American children are prescribed antidepressants almost doubled in a five years’ time in the early 2000’s with a 66% increase among preschool children (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.49). Assuming that the disorders manifest the same way in a developing brain as in adulthood, between 2000-2003, there was a 49% increase in the use of psychotropic drugs on teenagers (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2019, pg.50). But is this the most effective way to deal with the mental health issues of iGen? At face value the answer appears to be yes. Without looking into the context upon which these mental disorders develop, it may seem as if these issues are due to personal accounts of the world, of the way the individual perceives the environment around them. However, by delving into the structure of this new era one can see that society has set up the youth to fail internally. Children are not smaller versions of adults and it seems as if we have regressed to that mindset yet again. Surely a restructuring is in order for the health and longevity of this generation. Maybe this begins with schooling or parental guidance, but these are large structures upon which most of American society operates. Along this path in the Information Age one can see how slowly but surely the child has become detached from nature, the true homestead, the original caretaker. It could be that reinstating the child’s relationship with nature, even at older ages, could help to promote their mental health and quite possibly save their lives.

V. Nature’s Benefits and Where to Find Them

There is a sense of calm inherently tied to any form of nature. Without input from humans it provides a twinkling of sound, whooshes of fresh air and a stillness that humans have not been in tune to for quite some time. It has been proven, even before it needed to be, that nature has restorative powers. According to Richard Louv (2012), direct and indirect contact with nature can help youth recover from mental fatigue and restore their attention (pg.27). Exposure to parks or patches of ecosystems enhances coping abilities, promotes a more positive outlook on life, and higher life satisfaction. In one study, after a green outdoor walk, 92% of participants felt less depressed; 86% less tense; and 81% less angry (Louv, 2012, pg.59). Mood and self-esteem can be promoted even after five minutes outdoors, especially among the young. But how does this work? Nature is not a traditional therapy session. It does not make a person focus intensely on the issues that plague the mind or the heart. Instead it promotes primary experience, involuntary attention. The user is fully emerged in a landscape that takes one outside themselves and places them into a vast oasis where sensory intake is passive and not active. By not having to actively take in the surrounding context, stress is alleviated in knowing that the landscape is removed from the issues plaguing the mind. It is this primary experience that was stripped from the child in the Information Age. Giving it back to them can enhance their abilities far beyond what school could teach.

We have noted the social and emotional behaviors taught to children of the Information Age: cultural autism, loss of primary experience, fear in face of adversity, etc. But what could nature teach this generation to combat the forces driving them to illness? Within direct, natural experiences lie challenges and stressors. However, these come in low doses and often voluntarily included by children during play. Allowing children to partake in these ‘wild’ landscapes allows them to become friends with fear and develop their responses to danger or difficulty later in life. They will be less afraid and more willing to step up. Spending free time outdoors doing such activities can increase the child’s self-esteem. A higher self-esteem will allow them to partake in social media and inter-personal relationships with greater stride. They can productively engage with people and ideas that challenge their belief system. Time spent outdoors also promotes the concept of biophilia, or ‘nature-loving’ (Louv, 2008, pg.43). Within this state of mind, the child yearns to affiliate with other forms of life, thus learning empathy and social support. This allows adolescents the proper mental platform to build strong friendships and sustain intellectual development. According to The Geography of Childhood, “The endless forms generated by evolution subconsciously reassure us of our own validity. Understanding the difference empowers us to grow and care. The variety of organisms helps to teach tolerance. The land releases us from competition” (Nabhan & Trimble, 1994)

Releasing children from an indoor, sedentary lifestyle is as easy as a walk home, a bike ride with friends, or a wander in a forested path. What is most important though is the identification of nearby nature for each child. Although most of these children do live in suburban landscapes, ecological patches and corridors still exist within them, yet to be touched by development. Children can be allowed outside at first to view and contextualize their homescape. They can identify these edges and remove the conceptualized fear associated with them. Then, parents can play their part by allowing children their autonomy for exploration of these landscapes. Allowing children to turn over logs, dig in dirt or search for bugs on their own will give them a sense of independence and confidence that will foster positive mental habits later in life. If no ‘wild’ nature exists near the child’s homescape, parks work in the same fashion, as long as they are not dominated by jungle gyms or soccer fields. It is important to not under-estimate the imaginative powers of a child- a small space of nature may seem vast and intricate to them. No matter what, the letting go of the standards and structure of the Information Age, even for just a few moments, can let the child once again be whole. Again, youth is a timeless concept. Each one of us has a child inside, brewing with imaginative and empathetic forces. There is no age limit to this exploration, and no bounds to nearby nature.

Nature is the stage in which there is no winner or loser. It is a true equalizer, asking nothing of the child when the world seems to yearn for so much of them. It is both literally and figuratively a breath of fresh air. When the social system promotes the child in nature, it promotes a homecoming that makes for stronger, healthier citizens. It may seem that nature is a far-off concept, but in reality, it is still right outside.

  Bibliography

Anderson, M., & Jiang, J. (2019, December 31). 2. Teens, friendships and online groups. Retrieved April 28, 2020, from https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2018/11/28/teens-friendships-and-online-groups/

Bucholtz, S., Bucholtz, S., Kolko, J., Kolko, J., Housing and Demographic Analysis Division, & Department for Housing and Urban Development. (2018, November 14). Most Americans Describe Where They Live As Suburban. Retrieved April 28, 2020, from https://www.citylab.com/life/2018/11/data-most-american-neighborhoods-suburban/575602/

Kaplan, S. & R. De Young (2002), Toward a better understanding of pro-social behavior: The role of evolution and directed attention. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 25(2), 263-264 http://hdl.handle.net/2027.42/83666

Downs, R. M., & Hart, R. (1980). Childrens Experience of Place. Geographical Review, 70(2), 229. doi: 10.2307/214444

George, L. (2008, November 7). Dumbed Down: The Troubling Science of How Technology Is Rewiring Kids’ Brains. Macleans.ca.

Gopnick, A. (2016, August 31). Should we let toddlers play with saws and knives? The Wall Street Journal. http://www.wsj.com/articles/should-we-let-toddlers-play-with-saws-and-knives-1472654945

Hart, R. A. (1995). Affection for Nature and the Promotion of Earth Stewardship in Childhood. The NAMTA Journal, 20(2), 58–67.

Hart, R. A. (1982). Wildlands For Children: Considerations of the Value of Natural Environments in Landscape Planning. LANDSCAFT STADT, 14(1), 34–39.

Kaplan, R. (n.d.). The Experience of Nature: A Psychological Perspective. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. doi: 2/6/20

Louv, R. (2012). The Nature Principle: Reconnecting with Life in a Virtual Age. Chapel Hill: Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill.

Louv, R. (2008). Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder. Chapel Hill, NC: Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill.

Lukianoff, G., & Haidt, J. (2019). The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas are Setting Up a Generation for Failure. New York City: Penguin Books.

Mitchell, A. (2016, October 6). Younger adults more likely than older to prefer reading news. Retrieved April 28, 2020, from https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/10/06/younger-adults-more-likely-than-their-elders-to-prefer-reading-news/

Nabhan, G. P., & Trimble, S. (1994). The geography of childhood: why children need wild places. Boston: Beacon Press.

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. About NCMEC. (n.d.). Retrieved April 30, 2020, from https://www.missingkids.org/footer/media/keyfacts

St Theresa’s Catholic School (Austin, TX). (2012, January). Expectations for incoming first graders. https://www.st-theresas.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/1st_Expectations.pdf

Whitley, C (2011, August 1). Is your child ready for first grade: 1979 edition. Chicago Now. http://www.chicagonow.com/little-kids-big-city/2011/08/is-your-child-ready-for-first-grade-1019-edition.

[loljulie]

stay with me; {001} the boy who waited

(hey y’all, here’s chapter 1 of the new fic i’m writing. Collins x Reader, obvi, and HEAVILY inspired from my first imagine here! thanks for reading! it’s like, 1:40 am so if errors are here i’ll revise later lol)

genre: dunkirk

collins x reader

word count: 1873

Where you’re from, you grew up learning stories of the great countries and empires that rose and fell centuries before you. You learned about the ravaging wars fought – over ideologies that seem so foreign to your time. You learned about the beginnings of technology, and how centuries ago, people were amazed to be able to carry the equivalent of a computer in their pocket.

Where you’re from, time travel was possible – though it was only used by the government and with extreme caution. The dangers of traveling to the past were drilled into your brain when you got promoted to your position. Your job – one people in the days of old would have only dreamed of – was to use this technology when your country needed it. And, a document that got destroyed right after the second World War was something it needed. You’re never told why you’re getting something; you aren’t cleared for that level of information.

The politics of your time are complicated – as they are in any time – but you know the countries that exist now are far different from the ones in 1945. Weeks went into your research, which consisted of playing old videos of accents, familiarizing yourself with slang, and knowing what type of clothes to wear to not stick out from a normal crowd. When it came time for the departure date, you were confident in how much you prepared for this mission.

South of Glasgow, September 25th, 1945.

The blue lettering projected from the module in your right arm as you set it in. With a nod to your supervisor – an older woman with gray hair cut in a bob style – you pushed the circular, green button to the right of the display. Instantly, a timer took the place of the date you entered and began counting down from 5 seconds, with a light beeping to accompany it.

4. You took in a deep breath.

3. You relaxed your muscles. Being tense during travel was never a good idea.

2. You exhaled.

1. You closed your eyes.

A flash. Your feet left the hard, tiled ground of the office and landed on spongy grass. You never knew what it looked like to travel, for you feared going blind at the sight of it. Plus, the whole trip was over within a few seconds, and you never had time to pop open an eyelid mid-travel.

You inhaled deeply, your lungs enjoying the crisp, biting air. It was a welcome change from the stifling, warm heat from your office. You opened your eyes.

You landed in an open field with grass greener than you’d ever seen before. From your position, you could just make out old-fashioned buildings in the distance, but around you there was nothing but grass. You were hoping for that; it’s always required that you land where nobody can see you. You pulled down the long sleeve of your sweater to cover the module on your arm. Thankfully, the chilly weather outside meant nobody would question your clothing choices.

You took in another deep breath, psyching yourself up for the task at hand, before taking a step and walking towards the buildings in the distance.

It was dark by the time you’d retrieved what you came for; and the night air proved to be harsher than the comfortable, afternoon winds. You were reviewing the folder, safely in your hands, your feet taking you back to the fields you’d landed in.

You met him as you walked down that deserted street. He was walking at a snail’s pace compared to yours – out on his nightly stroll - you’d come to learn - that he always went on, looking up to the skies to remember a dear friend that never made it home. Normally, your instincts would have picked up the approaching stranger before he got too close, but success had dulled them. The folder was sent flying out of your grasp when your bowed head collided into his lean chest, though you managed to keep from landing on your backside. Not much could be said for the one you ran into, however.

A heavy Scottish voice called from below you as you picked up the folder from the sidewalk. “Sorry – didn’ see ye there.”

“Don’t worry about it – I wasn’t paying attention myself,” you replied, your eyes glued to the contents in your hands to inspect any possible damage and not once glancing to the stranger. Your accent was different than your normal one – you’d studied British accents from this period to be able to blend in – and thus had to fake the way your voice sounded. You’d realized that British was easier to fake than a Scottish one, and consequently had come up with a backstory in case it was needed.

“I should’ve bin paying attention, as well,” the man started in a tone that held a bit of playfulness to it, and you let yourself peek over to see who exactly it was you had collided into. Bright, breathtaking blue eyes pierced into your own, causing your breath to pause in your chest for a moment. You both were so entranced that you didn’t even notice the silence lingering between the two of you, which the stranger broke with a stifled cough. Your cheeks warmed up as you realized how long you had been staring. “uh, sae, uh… wid ye let me treat ye to a drink for th' trouble I’ve caused?”

It should have been an automatic no from you. You knew just how dangerous it was to mingle with anybody from the past – a strict rule placed by your organization for good reason – and that anything you do could have adverse effects for the future. On the other hand, a drink to relieve the tension from the mission you just successfully completed sounded very tempting. You deserved it, after all, you had the future of the world on your shoulders. Plus, you were a tad caught up in the idea of a random, handsome stranger taking interest in you enough to offer a drink – and it’d be an amazing story for the water cooler. One drink couldn’t hurt, right?

He led the way to a pub nearby and held the door open for you. All the while there, you couldn’t help but steal glances at the stranger. He kept smiling, always finding something to comment on as you two walked and even making you laugh a few times.

Your muscles relaxed as you entered the warm room and escaped from the chilly night outside. He led you to a table and ordered you both some pints. Once you both had taken a few sips of the liquid courage, opening up was an effortless task.

Jack Collins. He fought in the RAF. He flew to Dunkirk, but crashed in the sea and was thankfully rescued by some civilians. You remembered the story faintly from an old history lesson – the incredible story of home coming for soldiers trapped on a beach. Your heartbeat quickened as you realized you sat across from a war hero – a handsome one, at that – that bought you a drink.

“So, Y/N,” Collins started after he swallowed a sip of the golden liquid. “Now that ye know a' aboot me, I figure I shuid git to learn aboot you.”

You answered the question easily with the fake story you’d worked up, though you couldn’t deny how something stirred within you as you lied to the nice gentleman. “My family is from Carlisle. We had a bakery there, before the war. I helped my mom keep the business going while my dad and brother went to fight. They made it back alive, thankfully.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Collins grinned and held up his glass. You did the same, clinking yours against the rim of his and bringing the glass to your lips as you took a sip.

“And I’ve been staying with some mates around Glasgow for the time being, just traveling,” you finished after gulping down the sip of beer. Collins nodded at your story, accepting it without any bit of hesitation.

After a few more drinks, the responsible side of you snapped out of the fantasy and realized it was time to go back home. Your stomach fell when you relayed this information to Collins who – oblivious to the literal meaning of your statement – asked to accompany you back home. The two of you had already put on your coats and were leaving the pub, your face instantly getting hit with a gust of frigid air.

“I’ll let you walk me halfway, deal?” You compromised, a spike of panic hitting you as you hoped he wouldn’t be too gentlemanly.

“Fine, bit onlie if ye promise to catch up wi` me again,” His tone held a note of desperation – one that struck you even worse than the panic did. There was hope in his bright eyes – one that you didn’t want to crush.

“Of course,” you replied easily, though your insides turned cold at the idea of him eagerly waiting for you, only for you to never show up. He asked you to meet him at the same pub the next night, to which you agreed with no qualms.

You two began the walk down the direction you were walking toward. You didn’t exactly know when halfway was, so you let Collins fill the air with jokes and bad puns that made you laugh more than you would have if you were sober. After a while of walking, the two of you brushing up against each other intentionally, you stopped in your tracks and faced him.

“Before ye go –” he hastily added as you turned to leave. “I'm needin', uh, collateral. So, I know you’re serious aboot showing up. Otherwise, I’ll embarrass mysell by bein' stood up.”

A playful smirk stretched your lips. “Collateral? What did you have in mind, then?”

He stepped closer, closing the gap between the two of you. Your breathing hitched once more as you stared into his blue eyes, which kept glancing from your eyes to your lips. “This,” he whispered in a deep voice as his lips pressed against yours. Your heart beat faster in your chest, making your blood rush to your cheeks. Suddenly, you couldn’t feel the cold from the night – only Collins and his warmth in front of you. One of his hands pressed against the small of your back to pull you closer in the embrace. You could have melted from the kiss, but the annoyingly responsible side of you nagged to pull away after a few moments of bliss. He seemed a bit shocked at the pull away, but the grin on your face wiped away any doubts he may have been thinking of.

No words needed to be exchanged after that private moment. From how your heart was still racing in your chest, you knew you’d have to come back for more. You winked his way before turning away from him – leaving a dazed Scottish boy alone on the sidewalk, his heart fluttering in his chest.

[junker-town]

5 fringe playoff teams we’re rooting for to close out the NFL season

Thomas J. Russo-USA TODAY Sports

These teams are currently on the outside of the playoff picture, and some have really bad odds to make the postseason. But we’re still holding out hope.

Only three teams in the NFL have been assured playoff spots through 14 weeks of the regular season — the Saints, Chiefs, and Ravens. The Patriots, 49ers, Seahawks, Bills, and Packers appear destined to join them in the days ahead.

That leaves four playoff spots looming for 12 other not-yet-eliminated franchises. The NFC East and AFC South are both primed to come down to the wire as they sort out their 2019 division champion. The final wild card spots in each conference are also up for grabs. Teams like the Vikings, Titans, and Steelers all have decent odds to break brief playoff droughts. For others like the Bears, Browns, Rams, Colts, and Broncos, the path to the postseason features far more detours.

So which fringe contenders are we backing as they conclude their runs to either postseason glory or January vacations? These are the most compelling teams in the NFL this December ... who’ll probably fall short of a playoff bid.

Cleveland Browns

The 2019 Browns have been a tragedy. The league’s most cursed franchise came into the year as AFC North favorites thanks to Baker Mayfield’s MVP-caliber run through a 5-3 finish to 2018 and the offseason addition of players like Olivier Vernon, Sheldon Richardson, Morgan Burnett, and Odell Beckham Jr. If all went according to plan, Cleveland would cut a path to its first division title since the 1980s.

All did not go according to plan. Beckham has played hurt and Mayfield has dealt with some severe sophomore struggles. A defense packed with young talent has been consistently mediocre (and then lost its best player when Myles Garrett, uh, clubbed a rival with his own helmet). As a result, the Browns ran through the first half of the season with a worse record (2-6) than the one that got Hue Jackson fired a year before (2-5-1).

And yet, the team can still cling to a shred of postseason hope. Mayfield has nearly justified the 50,000 insurance commercials he’s been featured in by slowly turning around a lost season. Over his last five games — a stretch in which Cleveland has gone 4-1 and claimed the unofficial Rust Belt crown by beating Cincinnati, Buffalo, and Pittsburgh — he’s got an 8:4 touchdown-to-interception rate and an 88.4 passer rating. Those are mediocre numbers for sure, but still significantly better than the Brandon Weeden cosplay he put together in the first half of the season.

Unfortunately for the Browns, they need to win out while hoping for bad things to happen to the Steelers and either the Titans or Texans. Games against the Cardinals and Bengals are certainly winnable, but sandwiched between those games is a return date against the Ravens. Baltimore represents Cleveland’s best win of the season (a 40-25 drubbing), but it also represents the last time Lamar Jackson’s Ravens looked like anything less than a contender. Jackson will likely be out for revenge when he brings his team west for the rematch.

But the Browns have the most interesting punter in the game. That’s worth something, right? — Christian D’Andrea

Oakland Raiders

Remember back in mid-November when the Raiders looked like they might actually pull it off? A three-game winning streak had Oakland at 6-4 and right on the bubble for the second AFC Wild Card berth. (sigh) Those were the days.

Even when things were going well, it wasn’t like everyone was picking the Raiders to win the Super Bowl. Just the idea of coach-turned-commentator-turned-coach Jon Gruden leading a ragtag group of rookies and castoffs to the postseason was fun enough. It sounded like a perfect way to send the Raiders out of the Bay Area in their last season in Oakland.

Then, the Raiders were blown out in back-to-back-to-back weeks — including an inexplicable 34-3 loss to the Jets.

Now Oakland needs a miracle to get into the playoffs. The team will almost certainly need to win out and finish 9-7, then hope it can catch the Steelers and either the Texans or Titans.

Fortunately, that pursuit begins with a home game against the Jaguars — losers of five straight games by at least 17 points. Then the Raiders end the season with back-to-back road games against the 5-8 Chargers and 5-8 Broncos. Those are all winnable games, so long as Oakland doesn’t lay another Jets-sized egg.

Las Vegas is inheriting an intriguing team with a lot of promise. Boy would it be fun if the Raiders could leave Oakland with an odds-defying run at the playoffs, though. — Adam Stites

Philadelphia Eagles

There isn’t much about the current Eagles that I find all that interesting, but I do have a very good reason for rooting for Philadelphia: It’s pitiful how bad the Cowboys are under Jason Garrett.

Now, as a 49ers fan, I’m supposed to hate the Cowboys — and I do. But my love of young, exciting players like Dak Prescott, Amari Cooper and DeMarcus Lawrence override that hatred, just a little bit. I don’t want to see those guys in the playoffs this year on the off chance that they screw up and save Garrett’s job for another year.

The NFL is more fun when every division has something to offer. Right now, the combined might of the NFC East might be enough to win a playoff game, but separately they’re all a mess. The best thing that can come out of this mess in the immediate future is a spark for Dallas in the form of a change at the head coaching position.

I truly don’t know what Jerry Jones is waiting for at this point. Garrett hasn’t said or done anything to upset me, but his Cowboys have looked completely lifeless off and on for several years now.

Put a merciful end to this reign, Eagles. Even if it means you might be making the Cowboys stronger in the future. — James Brady

Tennessee Titans

By Week 9, it looked like the Titans were nowhere near playoff contention, sitting at 4-5, with conference losses to the Colts, Jaguars, Bills, and Broncos. But this team majorly turned a corner at the midway point of the season. One of the biggest reasons? It looks like the quarterback change Mike Vrabel made from Marcus Mariota to Ryan Tannehill has paid off, as Tennessee is 6-1 with Tannehill as the starter under center.

Tannehill has been improving with each and every week, and he’s coming off his best performance of the season against the Raiders, throwing for 391 yards and three touchdowns with a passer rating of 140. Running back Derrick Henry has found his stride in recent weeks, too. In the last four games, he’s averaging 150 yards, and he’s scored seven touchdowns.

Look, everybody loves an underdog, and the Titans coming out of pretty much nowhere during the backend of the season to make the playoffs would be a lot of fun. The only tricky part for the Titans is their remaining schedule, featuring two games against the Texans with one against the 10-3 Saints in between. If Tennessee can pull out two out of those three, it has about a 78 percent chance to make the playoffs as a wild card, per the New York Times. It’s a tall order for sure, but I think it’d be pretty cool to see them make it in. — Morgan Moriarty

Indianapolis Colts

It’s hard not to root for a team that has had such a string of bad ... don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it ... luck. (Sigh, there’s really no avoiding that pun here.)

Big things were expected out of the Colts in 2019 after their late-season surge got them all the way to the Divisional Round last year. Then Andrew Luck unexpectedly retired in August, leaving the team’s uncertain future in the hands of Jacoby Brissett.

The Colts silenced the doubters early in the season when they jumped out to a 5-2 start. Then it all came crashing down. Indianapolis has now dropped five of its last six games.

It all started when Brissett went down with a knee injury and sat out for a game and half, both of which were losses. Since his return, he hasn’t been the same player who threw for nearly 1,600 yards in the first seven games. Injuries to other key players — including Brissett’s top two targets, T.Y. Hilton and tight end Eric Ebron — have hamstrung the offense as well. Recently, kicker Adam Vinatieri, in the midst of the worst season in his GOAT career, was shut down for the season as well. That brought the number of Colts on injured reserve, fittingly, to unlucky 13.

Their current skid doesn’t show their resiliency, however. It takes a strong, confident locker room to not bat an eye when your franchise quarterback retires before he hits 30. Yet that’s what the Colts did. They got straight to work, at least until the injuries started taking their toll.

Not that everyone’s letting that stop them:

Frank Reich on TY Hilton's comments yesterday that he was refusing to shut it down, even with the playoffs looking like a long shot at this point: "When I saw what he said, it made me smile."

— Zak Keefer (@zkeefer) December 12, 2019

It’ll take a lot to get the Colts to the playoffs. Not only do they have to win out (at Saints, vs. Panthers, at Jaguars), but they also need a lot of help. Their best bet is probably for the Titans and Texans to each go 1-2 and split their season series, leaving all three teams tied at 9-7 atop the AFC South. In that case, the Colts, with the better divisional record, would win the tiebreaker.

So yeah, it’s a long shot — like a 2 percent long shot. Then again, not many thought the 1-5 Colts would get to the postseason in 2018, and that’s exactly what they did. — Sarah Hardy

[marzipandox]

The Witch of The Wilds has been harassing the town of Adlersbrunn for years, but it comes to a head when Fareeha finds herself trapped between a terrible circumstance; let herself fall into the hands of The Witch, or let The Witch destroy her town. But The Witch is not all that she seems either, and Fareeha may just find a horrific past and an ulterior motive under the sweet honey smiles of The Witch.

Chapter 5 and 6 are up now! However, the chapter below is 6, you will have to read 5 on the AO3.

    Fareeha rose her head and looked around, eyes instantly landing on the shocked form of The Witch. She had taken a seat at the kitchen table, no longer is her normal outfit. Her boots and hat were discarded and her corset and caplet was no longer on her form, though she still sat in her thick black leotard. Her hair, usually kept in a high tight ponytail, was down so it fell around her shoulders. As soon as she realized who Fareeha was she jumped to her feet. There was not even a scrap of anger on her face, only worry and upset.

    "Oh Fareeha, Gods I was so worried!" Angela stepped closer, acting much like a concerned mother. She shoved a hand into her hair, pushing it away from her face. "And you're hurt! Gods, I'm sorry, I could've prevented this…"

    Fareeha had no idea what she was talking about. She never once got hurt while she was out there. But, as she followed The Witch's gaze, she noticed that her left leg, her knee exposed from the part in the dress, had suffered a scrape. Bright blood pearled upon the surface of her skin like tiny rubies, and instinctively she rubbed it into her skin to dry it up.

    "Oh no," Angela started, reaching out to take her hand and drag her up the stairs. "Let's patch that up before you bleed all over your dress."

    Fareeha understood now that what Genji had said was true, Angela really did care for people instinctively. She was known for taking the dying and saving them, but many thought it to be a curse, not a gift from her. Angela dragged her up the stairs to the second floor, the broom discarded as soon as Fareeha began to move. There were three open rooms there; a laundry room, a guest bedroom, and a large bathroom. The Witch sat her down upon the cover of the toilet, going through cabinets for medical supplies. Fareeha felt much like a child who had injured themselves playing, and Angela was a parent frightened by the sight of their wound, even though Fareeha was just fine. Before she knew it, her knee had been cleaned and dressed, the scrape covered with a large bandage and a bit of vaseline. Angela cleaned the bathroom counter, washing her hands absentmindedly.

    "…So, you're not mad I ran off with your broom?" Fareeha began, surprised that Angela showed not even the slightest bit of anger. Angela looked to the younger woman, her eyes wide with surprise.

    "Well, I expected it! Albeit, not so early. I knew at some point you'd want to go back, as much as I wish you didn’t." Angela pulled Fareeha to her feet. Not once was Fareeha able to see The Witch in a normal light, always either running or fighting or floating, she was never able to truly look at Angela with a clear head. Angela, even though she was the older woman, was shorter than Fareeha. She was thin but curvy, the thick cotton leotard fitting her well, with skin white like ivory. Fareeha was surprised that she was ever intimidated by such a lady. Her head buzzed slightly with the thought of how she was wearing just the leotard, and was surprised to see so much of The Witch's unmarred skin, even though she knew she had fought a lot over the years. Whatever kept her skin so smooth must also be whatever was keeping her so young, for the doctor looked barely 25, when she was actually nearly 40.

    "Would you like dinner first or would you like to check out your room instead? I've already set your suitcase in there. Really I think you'll like it." Angela asked, her hands on her hips.

    "Uh, dinner would be nice." Fareeha wouldn’t admit that she was quite starving. Plans made, Angela nodded and headed downstairs without her. Fareeha realized that they didn’t talk about what would be had for dinner, so she followed close behind to begin such a conversation.

    "But, uh, what do you have planned for dinner?" Fareeha started, being careful on the stairs for she was still in heels.

    "Don’t know!" Angela kept walking, heading straight into the kitchen. "I'm thinking something easy. Do you like chicken?" Angela turned and smiled at the younger woman, eyes twinkling with mischief. Fareeha felt her cheeks grow warmer, and couldn't do much other than nod in response. Angela turned away and got to work, pulling out pans and small pots and going through her fridge for food items. Fareeha was unsure what to do, so she searched through her cabinets and drawers for utensils and plates and began to dress the little wooden table.

    Angela was making, as Fareeha found out only from watching her work, a sort of parmesan chicken. Well seared chicken drowned in a white cheese, and garnished with some sort of thin herb, basil Fareeha realized from the smell. She would be lying if she said that it didn’t look delicious, and the smell was making her stomach rumble impatiently. Angela gave her a knowing smile, ushering her to grab the plates so she could set the food upon them.

    Fareeha felt queer. How strange the situation was, wasn’t she supposed to be afraid? But no, all she felt was pleasant and calm, a opaque eagerness fluttering at the edges of her vision. How very queer indeed. The dinner was lovely, Fareeha said when they were done. The two barely spoke at all as they ate, and Fareeha would be lying if she said she wasn’t full by the end. Angela fed her until she refused, much too happy to see the younger woman so pleased.

    "Now, would you like to see your room?" Angela hummed as she set their dishes in the sink, Fareeha felt like an unhelpful guest, but Angela wouldn’t let her do anything besides push out her chair. Still Fareeha stood, trying to help with something. But Angela kept her from lifting even a finger.

    "You don’t have to word it like you’ve adopted me, I'm a grown woman Angela." Fareeha countered, feeling like a child who had been put in the care of a foster parent. Angela only nodded her head gently, her eyes closed as she made her way to the stairs.

    "Yes that’s true, I apologize Fareeha. I just… haven't been able to have a real conversation with someone in a while. I'm not used to speaking with or to adults. Or, with anyone, for that matter." Angela had an air to her which drew Fareeha to follow. Angela took her up to the third floor, the hall was adorned by two doors on either side, unlike the other floor she had seen. One was a bathroom, set upon the right wall, for the door was open and she could see in easily. However, the bedroom across from it was not, so Angela pushed it open with her hand and directed the younger woman inside.

    The room was done up in soft colors, creams and browns and blues that reminded Fareeha of the sky and sweet earth. There was a large window on two walls of the room, one which stretched the length of the twin bed and another which stood beside the cocked desk. There was a stack of papers there, with an ink set and even a seal set, which allowed Fareeha the freedom of sealing her letters if she was ever to write one, with the security of the contents never being viewed by eyes not made for it.

   At the foot of the bed was a short dresser, a small candelabra on the top. On the wall the women had entered through were two doors which faced each other, obviously leading to the closet. The bed itself was quite thin, but Fareeha would be comfortable all the same. It held a single pillow and some thin sheets. Normally, such a thing would look as if Angela was starving her for nightly comfort, but really it was quite the opposite. Fareeha hated heavy sheets, nevertheless more than one, and to feel that the sheets were made of a rough fabric only made her happier. Fareeha liked the feel of silky materials, but she got hot easily, and any material besides cotton would make her uncomfortable. The top sheet was a thin patterned material made of shades of brown and gold and matched the pillows in pattern, while the fitted sheet was a solid color of a royal blue. Fareeha did not think about how The Witch knew what she liked, especially something as private as her sleeping preference. Her absence of such a thought was best if Fareeha was to feel any semblance of security and privacy in the house.

    Fareeha's suitcase sat next to the bed, still closed and untouched, besides the fact that it had been moved, but nothing more than that.

    "I assume you would like to go to bed now Fareeha?" Angela asked, still standing in the doorway.

    "Yes, it's quite late and today was long. Thank you again for dinner." Fareeha spoke thoughtlessly, still looking about the room.

    Angela seemed pleased by the answer, and stepped back to leave her be. "Well, the bathroom across is all yours, I will not be using it. I hope to see you in the morning. Good night Fareeha." Angela smiled and pulled away, waiting but a moment for Fareeha's reply, before leaving and going upstairs.

    All alone, Fareeha paced around the room, looking over everything just for the sake of getting to know her surroundings. When she was sated she stopped at her suitcase, prying it open and beginning to set her belongings in the drawers of the dresser. After doing her nighttime routine, Fareeha finally retired to bed, slipping under the sheets and falling asleep without another thought.

[junker-town]

The 8 dumbest mistakes from NFL Week 14, ranked

Stan Szeto-USA TODAY Sports

Kyler Murray is still making rookie mistakes, but he’s a rookie. Derek Carr is still making rookie mistakes, but he is not a rookie.

With three weeks to go in the regular season, we have a good idea of the teams that won’t be playing January. More than a third of the league — 12 teams, to be exact — has been eliminated from playoff contention. Six of those teams were knocked out of the race on Sunday.

For anyone hoping for a little clarity on who will be in the postseason, you’ll have to wait a little longer. So far, only three teams are in (Saints, Ravens, Chiefs), with the last two joining the party this week.

That leaves 17 teams vying for just nine playoff spots. And for some, there’s little margin for error. The difference between making the postseason and packing up your locker room on Dec. 30 can sometimes come down to the little things.

With that in mind, let’s get to this week’s dumbest mistakes. Well, most of them anyway. Honestly, this whole list could’ve been devoted to the officiating in the Patriots-Chiefs game, but they gave us enough material to work with that we decided to keep it separate.

So below, we’re going to concentrate on the biggest other blunders in Week 14, many of which either came courtesy of rookies or players who reverted back to their rookie form.

8. David Blough blew it on a big third down for the Lions

Blough wasn’t supposed to be starting games for the Lions this season. But after injuries to Matthew Stafford and Jeff Driskel, the undrafted free agent got his second start Sunday against the Vikings.

His inexperience was most notable late in the second quarter with the Lions facing a third-and-2 from Minnesota’s 15-yard line. Not only did Blough take a costly sack for a loss of 12 yards, but he also didn’t see that Marvin Jones was wiiiiide open:

On the critical 3rd-and-short sack, Blough missed a wide-open Marvin Jones for an easy first down. 10-point swing. pic.twitter.com/XYOIftCU1k

— Pride of Detroit (@PrideOfDetroit) December 8, 2019

The Lions were only down 10-0 at that point, so this could have given Detroit some much-needed momentum early in the game. Instead of scoring a touchdown on this drive, or even getting to attempt an easier field goal, the Lions missed a 45-yard kick. The Vikings countered with a touchdown drive to make it 17-0 at halftime and Detroit ended up losing 20-7. It’s safe to say Blough would want this one back.

7. A referee had to tell the Rams cheerleaders to get off the field

It’s our first appearance by a cheerleading squad in 2019! Los Angeles jumped out to a 21-3 lead over the Seahawks in the first half on Sunday Night Football, but the third touchdown of the half was slightly delayed because the Rams’ cheerleaders, as well as the mascot, were dancing in the opposite end zone.

they had to call timeout on the field to throw the cheerleaders out of the end zone pic.twitter.com/Ma4y8Gttg2

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) December 9, 2019

If we were to guess, they probably won’t be bothered at all by making this list. Look how carefree and happy they were immediately after the referee told them to get off the field.

NBC

Even the mascot Rampage looks like he’s smiling. Don’t mind us, Rams cheerleaders. Keep living your best life.

6. The Steelers picked a terrible time to try a fake punt

Pittsburgh escaped Arizona with a 23-17 win over the Cardinals. But the game was much closer than it needed to be, especially after the Steelers ran a disastrous fake punt from their own side of the field on a fourth-and-6.

Up 20-10 with just over eight minutes to go, Pittsburgh elected to go with a fake punt from its 40-yard line, and it was the ugliest fake you’ll find.

Our fake punt > Their fake punt pic.twitter.com/yY0gxkFGHN

— Arizona Cardinals ⋈ (@AZCardinals) December 8, 2019

First, it was a bad snap. Then, the Steelers decided to run it directly into three free Cardinals players. A pass would have made a lot more sense. Instead, it was a fumble, the Cardinals got the ball, and three plays later, scored a touchdown to make it a three-point game.

Afterward, head coach Mike Tomlin took the blame, though punter Jordan Berry explained that there was miscommunication:

P Jordan Berry: “The guys up front called it off and nobody told me. I just tried to make a run for it and I ran straight into some guys. I was planning on getting ready to run up there and they all shot off to go cover and I was like, Aw (expletive).”

— Gerry Dulac (@gerrydulac) December 9, 2019

No matter what, it was the kind of miscue that could have cost Pittsburgh a spot in the playoffs — just like a bad fake punt did a year ago. This time, the Steelers were lucky.

5. The refs flagged Earl Thomas for getting pushed by his own teammate

Buffalo struggled to establish any kind of offensive consistency against the Ravens. The Bills finished their 24-17 loss to the AFC’s top team with just 209 yards of total offense and an inefficient 3.1 yards per play.

That meant any gain was a big deal for Buffalo — even if it was completely unearned. Like when Earl Thomas received a 15-yard penalty for standing too close to the strip sack he created:

Earl Thomas got a 15-yard unnecessary roughness penalty because his teammate shoved him over Josh Allen's back pic.twitter.com/SU2Sjc0xiE

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) December 8, 2019

Thomas got dinged for unnecessary roughness just for being the third man in a chain reaction. While he had no malicious intent in the play whatsoever, the officials’ ruling wiped out what should have been an 8-yard loss yard and turned it into a free first down for the Bills. That helped lead to a field goal that made the score 17-9 six plays later.

4. Kyler Murray threw a pick instead of running for a first down (or more)

Murray is having a pretty decent rookie season, despite the lack of help around him in Arizona. He could even end up as Offensive Rookie of the Year, even if it’s a little bit by default.

He’s still prone to rookie mistakes, however. Never was that more apparent Sunday than early in the fourth quarter.

The Cardinals were knocking on the Steelers’ door on fourth-and-2 from Pittsburgh’s 6-yard line. A touchdown would have cut the Cardinals’ deficit to three points, but they also could’ve just picked up a first down and gotten four more chances to punch the ball in.

Murray had room to run for the first down — and maybe even get into the end zone, Rather than take the yards, though, Murray threw the ball directly into the hands of T.J. Watt:

.@_TJWatt with the end zone INT! #HereWeGo #PITvsAZ : CBS : NFL app // Yahoo Sports app Watch free on mobile: https://t.co/D5AfU98qAh pic.twitter.com/1ArYDsaw5f

— NFL (@NFL) December 8, 2019

The Cardinals lost 23-17 to the Steelers, their sixth loss in a row. Had Murray not thrown this interception, there’s a chance Arizona could have pulled off an upset. Just another lesson Murray is learning during his rookie season.

3. Dawson Knox’s olé block gave the Ravens their best field position

Knox has been a solid contributor to the Bills’ ascendant passing game. The former Ole Miss star has 26 catches and a pair of touchdowns through his first 13 games as a pro. His ability to stretch the field vertically from the tight end position has helped open passing lanes through which other Buffalo targets could thrive.

His blocking, however, could use some work.

Dawson Knox, your edge blocking, woof pic.twitter.com/uTQ8tCKCei

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) December 8, 2019

Knox’s complete inability to contain Matthew Judon led to an inevitable strip sack that handed Baltimore possession at the Buffalo 24-yard line. That turnover led to a Ravens touchdown five plays later in a game Baltimore went on to win by seven points.

2. The Saints didn’t even really try to score before halftime

New Orleans didn’t have much time to score after the 49ers got a touchdown with 42 seconds left in the first half. But hey, the Saints already had four first-half touchdowns in a shootout. It at least seemed like enough time to set up a field goal.

Instead, the Saints looked confused and out of sorts in the final seconds of the second quarter.

After setting up in shotgun on their own 28-yard line, here’s what the Saints did:

Alvin Kamara run for 6 yards

Ater 20 seconds ticked off the clock, a screen play with 13 seconds left to Latavius Murray that lost 5 yards

Then, with six seconds left in the half, the Saints used their final timeout

The Saints handed the ball to Murray one more time

New Orleans would’ve needed about 30 yards to give Wil Lutz a chance at a field goal. That was very doable, but the Saints let that opportunity slip through their fingers and trailed 28-27 at halftime. Three more points would’ve been useful in a game they lost by two.

1. Derek Carr threw the ball away on fourth down ... again

The Raiders were already just about toast in the final minutes of the fourth quarter. Even if Oakland’s nine-play drive in the fourth quarter ended with a touchdown, the team still would’ve needed two more touchdowns in less than four minutes to catch up to the Titans.

So while it wasn’t exactly devastating when Derek Carr’s pass on fourth down sailed out of bounds, he still should’ve given his receivers a chance to come down it it:

Derek Carr throws the ball away... on 4th down. #TENvsOAK pic.twitter.com/wkfbAHHTJo

— Titans Film Room (@titansfilmroom) December 9, 2019

An interception wouldn’t have mattered — the Titans were getting the ball back either way.

It ended up being Oakland’s last offensive play too. Tennessee picked up two first downs and milked the remaining time off the clock.

What makes the throwaway from Carr more of a head scratcher is that he’s done this before. He intentionally dumped a pass at his running back’s feet on fourth down late in a loss to the Chargers during the 2018 season. Raiders coach Jon Gruden defended him then, and defended him again for his wasted play Sunday:

#Raiders coach Jon Gruden, when asked about QB Derek Carr throwing the ball away on 4th and goal from the two, trailing by 21. "He exhausted that play for what it was. I'm not going to be one to stand here and say that a turning point in the game...(more)"

— Paul Gutierrez (@PGutierrezESPN) December 9, 2019

Gruden’s right that it wasn’t even close to a turning point. The problem is that Carr’s in his sixth year starting in the league, and he still keeps making the same mistakes over and over.

[junker-town]

The 3 best and 3 worst relocations in NFL history

Moving the Browns to Baltimore was great! For the Ravens specifically and not at all the Browns.

Loyalty is a rarity in the NFL. Players, coaches, and executives change homes every year after either exhausting their usefulness in one location or searching for greener pastures. And that ever-shifting landscape isn’t limited to people.

In the past three years, we’ve seen the Rams and Chargers leave St. Louis and San Diego, respectively, for the chance to share a $2 billion venue in Los Angeles. The Raiders will put Oakland in their rear view after the coming season to move to Las Vegas.

They join a long list of displaced teams. The Houston Oilers moved from Memphis and then to Nashville, becoming the Tennessee Titans along the way. The league briefly snuffed out the Browns’ existence at the insistence of owner Art Modell, turning them into the Baltimore Ravens and giving Cleveland’s former franchise its only consecutive non-losing seasons since 1989 in the process.

Some of these moves have made sense; they gave football-starved cities the chance to revitalize a franchise and establish a new string of traditions. Others deprived loyal fans of their beloved teams and dropped them into disinterested markets. And a third category moved teams to different locations within the same basic area, either making home games more accessible to fans or moving out of a city center and into the suburbs.

So who did it right? And which moved failed to generate the newfound traction overreaching owners were hoping to gain?

The good relocations

The Dallas Texans become the Kansas City Chiefs

In 1960, two professional football teams descended upon Dallas: the NFL’s Cowboys and the AFL’s Texans. The Texans were great; they went 25-17 in their first three seasons and won the AFL title in ‘62. The Cowboys were not; they won nine games in three years and, despite a potent offense, were still years away from contention.

But Lamar Hunt didn’t see enough of a market in the heart of Texas to support two pro teams, so he started looking for a new home for his AFL club. When Kansas City mayor H. Roe Bartle — a man with quite possibly the most “1960s politician” name ever to exist — guaranteed to triple Hunt’s number of season ticket holders, the Texans became the Chiefs.

The Chiefs posted a 5-7-2 record in their first season in Missouri, then put together a 10-year streak of non-losing seasons. This stretch included four playoff appearances, two Super Bowl appearances, and one title — laying the foundation for one of the most passionate (and loud) fanbases in the NFL.

As for Dallas, the loss of the Texans in 1962 pushed fans in the Lone Star State to the city’s NFL holdover, where young coach Tom Landry was slowly building an empire. While the Cowboys lacked the initial Super Bowl success of the team that left town, they wound up serving as a pretty solid consolation prize for Texas — they’d be a mainstay in the NFC title race by the 1970s.

The Decatur Staleys become the Chicago Bears

Decatur, located smack dab in the middle of Illinois, had a population of nearly 44,000 in 1920, the first season the Staleys played in the fledgling AFPA. With a 10-1-2 record, they had more wins than anyone else in the league and a bigger local population than rival franchises in cities like Hammond, Ind., Muncie, Ind., and Rock Island, Ill.

Even if that boded well for the regional nature of the game at the time, George Halas had bigger ideas. He bought the team — then a company team representing the A.E. Staley Food Starch Co. — and moved it north to Chicago after only two seasons in Decatur.

The Windy City already had a team — two of them, in fact — but the dissolution of the Chicago Tigers in 1921 made the Cardinals and Staleys the only game in town. For nearly four decades, the city would be host to the Cardinals and the club that, in 1922, would become the Bears. Then the Bears effectively ran a near-bankruptcy Cardinals team out of town in 1960.

The Staleys/Bears would win eight NFL championships in the years between the move in 1921 and 1963 while appearing in four other title games. And though the years since have been a desert brought rain mostly by the Super Bowl Shufflin’ team of 1985, the Bears are one of only two original franchises to have survived the tumultuous early era of the NFL to stand tall in 2019.

The Cleveland Browns become the Baltimore Ravens (and then resume their existence four years later)

First things first: this was a terrible move for Cleveland, who went three seasons without an NFL franchise and was then forced to deal with the Members Mark version of their former team over the past two decades. Art Modell righted the wrong of the Colts’ mad dash out of Maryland by doing pretty much the same thing to Cleveland, a city with a similarly impressive historical resume but limited recent success.

And, as long as you don’t look back at the Browns, this move was a rousing success. After three seasons of shaking off their just-moved malaise, the Ravens were a .500 team by 1999 — beating a revived Cleveland team twice that season — and a Super Bowl champion after the 2000 season. Baltimore was, unsurprisingly, stoked about this. Fans bought out the Ravens’ season ticket supply by 2004, and in 2016 the season ticket waiting list was a queue that would take an estimated 20 years to wind through.

Oh, and while the Browns have yet to make it to a Super Bowl, the Ravens have been twice in approximately one-third the time — and won them both.

And the relocations that failed to help

The Cleveland Browns become the Baltimore Ravens

In the 20 seasons since being revived, the Browns have had two winning seasons. They had nine in the final two decades in their original incarnation. They had eight playoff appearances and five division titles from 1975 to 1994, and have had only one postseason game and zero AFC North crowns in the years since — though they have finished dead last in the division 15 times since then.

Meanwhile, the Ravens won a Super Bowl five years after leaving Cleveland, have been to the postseason 11 times, and are 30-10 against their former selves all time.

So, not a great deal for northeast Ohio.

The Chargers move from San Diego to ... Carson City, California?

There’s still time to turn this move around, but the most notable aspects of Dean Spanos’ move up the 10 have been:

a temporary residence in a 27,000-seat soccer stadium, and

the bulk of those 27,000 seats being occupied by opposing fans.

Time for another game of "Spot the Los Angeles Chargers fans in an image of a Los Angeles Chargers home game" pic.twitter.com/9g1t7cBMeF

— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) September 30, 2018

The former problem will be remedied when the team moves into the brand new, $2 billion stadium it will share with the Rams, but the latter might not ever truly go away. Los Angeles has struggled to support one single team in the past, and now the Chargers are running into a situation where they could wind up playing second fiddle to LA’s other team — especially with the Rams ascendant behind a young quarterback and Philip Rivers sliding into the twilight of his career.

But hey, Spanos got the heavily subsidized stadium he wanted. And if he really fared about keeping fans happy, he could have just left his team home in San Diego.

The 49ers move from San Francisco to Santa Clara

While not an official relocation, the Niners left behind their blustery waterfront home at Candlestick Park in order to christen a $1.3 billion stadium in Santa Clara, some 40 miles away. In mild traffic, that’s about an hour’s drive from San Francisco, and that combination of that long commute, high prices, and uninspiring play have combined to sap the club’s homefield advantage in their new confines.

Levi’s Stadium opened in 2014 with the highest average ticket prices in the league, which wasn’t especially surprising given its location in one of the most expensive places to live in the world. The problem was that for elite prices, fans had the opportunity to wade through horrible traffic and watch a team that’s averaged five wins per year in its Santa Clara tenure.

Levi’s issues stretch beyond expensive seats and an uncomfortable commute. The stadium’s positioning and lack of shade means fans get roasted under a hotly reflected California sun in a problem executives have no idea how to fix. The turf condition ranges from mediocre to “terrible.” Officials once kicked out a Girl Scout celebration event to hold a more profitable concert, only to reverse course once EVERYONE IN THE WORLD told them what a bad idea this would be.

In short, Levi’s Stadium is garbage. Long live the frigid bay winds of Candlestick.