#ran out of budget for megane

[yourbelovedtoaster]

[anotheruserwithnoname]

The road to M3GAN

I saw M3GAN (or Megan) over the weekend and even though I was out of the target demographic I greatly enjoyed it. As I mentioned earlier, it played like a Black Mirror episode, or perhaps a somewhat edgy Twilight Zone. I’m glad it’s a hit. One way I describe it to people is “Small Wonder Meets Chucky”. I get a few blank stares from folks who perhaps “came of age” long after the obscure low-budgeted syndicated sitcom of the 80s. It got me thinking about previous stories about “gynoids” (apparently that’s the correct term for female androids) I’ve seen over the years.

Spoiler break as this will be a long one:

The Twilight Zone: “The Lonely” (1959)

The one that started it all in more ways than one. The first regular episode of the original Twilight Zone series to be produced starred Jean Marsh (years before her turn on Doctor Who) as Alicia, an attractive and caring android who is shipped to a lonely prisoner sentenced to life in exile on a deserted asteroid. He falls in love with her (and despite being a robot there are signs she’s developing feelings to), only to have his sentence commuted and a spaceship is sent to return him to earth ... but there’s only room for one passenger. Do the math. One of the more bittersweet stories of the original TZ.

My Living Doll (1964-65)

Often unjustly listed as one of the worst sitcoms of all time (it’s a much better show than that), My Living Doll was part of the first wave of “fantasy coms” that included things like The Addams Family, Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie, though it only ran one season. A pre-Catwoman Julie Newmar starred as Rhoda, an experimental android created by the US Air Force who ends up being “adopted” in a sense by her creator. Fun and hijinks ensue, partly due to her creator trying to keep her true nature a secret, people assuming she’s his girlfriend, and also the very strong indication (this is a recurring theme with such shows) that she may be becoming sentient (assuming her snarkiness and sense of humour wasn’t programmed in, of course!). Newmar and her co-star Bob Cummings reportedly didn’t get along so midway through the first season a new co-star was brought in. One reason why Living Doll is remembered as one of the worst sitcoms, aside from being looked at through modern-coloured glasses, is the fact it’s one of the few US prime time network shows to actually be virtually lost (almost; enough episodes were located to generate a partial Season 1 DVD set; the hunt is on more missing episodes). So other than an intentionally male-gazy opening credits sequence few had actually seen the show until those DVDs. The No. 1 reason why this show works is Julie Newmar’s endearing performance that often leaves you wondering if Rhoda is actually a robot (and you can see signs of her later Catwoman in the performance too). Plus, it’s a full series starring Julie freaking Newmar.

Small Wonder (1985-1989)

Some 20 years later, one of the producers or creators of My Living Doll (possibly both) revived the idea for the made-for-syndication, low-budgeted Small Wonder, with the major obvious difference that this robot, VICI (a.k.a. Vicky), played by Tiffany Brissette, had the form of a little girl who, other than a completely monotone voice and some weird abilities, was easily mistaken for (and disguised as) inventor Ted Lawson’s daughter. The rationale behind the creation of Vicky also was more altruistic than in My Living Doll; rather than a military asset, Vicky was designed to help disabled children and was intentionally “adopted” by Ted (Rhoda was “adopted” due to being seen by the wrong people and her inventor needed to engage in a form of cover up to keep her secret) in order for her to grow and adapt to living with a family (and once again the question of how much humanity she picks up along the way is raised). I never particularly cared for the show (it did skew to a much younger demo than my teenage self after all), but it has the distinction of being the longest-running show on this list, lasting 4 seasons and just shy of 100 episodes. Don’t try to remember the theme song if you know it, you’ll go crosseyed.

Mann and Machine (1992)

There is a subgenre of TV involving robotic police officers. Not cyborgs (machines built around a human core) in the sense of Robocop, but full out androids created in part to save human lives by getting into harm’s way. A 1970s sitcom called Holmes & Yo-Yo (from the producer of Get Smart and featuring a character inspired by CONTROL’s android agent, HYMIE) was the first of the genre, and was followed by a similar series called Supercop a few years later and only a few years ago Karl Urban starred in yet another robot cop+human partner show, Almost Human. 1992′s Mann & Machine, from the creator of Law & Order (of all things), stands out for built around a female robot, Eve Edison (played by Yancy Butler). Set in the “near future” (approximately 2000) the show ran for about 6 weeks during which Yancy presented a rather appealing character who (here we go again) appeared to be learning human characteristics as she trained as a police officer under a veteran cop who was none too pleased to be paired with a machine (guess what his surname was). I recall one episode made some prescient predictions (pardon the redundancy) about climate change. This show deserved to run longer, but was a little ahead of its time and the media insisting on comparing it to the (frankly nearly unwatchable) failed Holmes & Yo-Yo didn’t help matters (I guess they could have compared it to My Living Doll which in some respects would be worse). The next year Butler starred in another Dick Wolf series, the Modesty Blaise-esque South Beach, before moving on to projects like the NYPD Blue-esque cop show Brooklyn South and superhero series Witchblade.

Bride of Chucky (1998)

Yeah, OK, so Megan isn’t the first insane killer doll on the market. But I bet Tiffany can’t dance for s*it.

(Credit to the original gifmaker!). Incidentally, as there has been some discussion as to why she breaks out into dance somewhat randomly, the films writer has actually explained in a few interviews why and it makes perfect sense (but requires a major spoiler to explain).

This post is already long enough, so I don’t really have space to include other one-off female androids over the years, such as Lal, Data’s “daughter” from Star Trek: The Next Generation (you know, the one the writers of Star Trek: Picard forgot about); the fembots of both Bionic Woman and the Austin Powers movies (headcanon - they share the same universe); Rommie from Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda (technically a flesh avatar but still an android); Cameron from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles; and of course most of the cast of Westworld.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Out from Darkness - Chapter Eleven.

Big thanks to my readers for your support, especially the four or so of you who are reading for the story and not just the smut! :D 

Previous Chapters - One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine  Ten

Word Count - 2,883

Cast of characters post here

Tag list - In the comments

Warnings - Smut! Bit of fluff too. Fluffy Friday, y’all!

“I can’t believe how stunning these are! Thank you so much, my sister is going to love them! You really saved me as I had no idea what to get her for her birthday. Here, eighty dollars as agreed.”  

Taking her cash with a smile, Ava pocketed the notes after handing over the earrings, necklace and bracelet set she’d made. After seeing Ava’s leaf necklace, Brooke had fallen in love with it, knowing her twin sister would adore such since she was a big fan of nature, the autumnal theme of the set extra special too because of their November birthday.  

With her newly earned money, which she got a kick out of since it felt nice to earn something on her own, and because she wasn’t supposed to have it, Ava headed straight in the direction of the mall after college, to a certain store in particular.  

The beautiful red lace underwear set that had horrified her mother so much was still there, also in her size. Because the cut of the cup was slightly different to usual (a balconette push up, something she’d never been allowed to have) she went to try the bra on, giggling to herself as seeing her boobs look so incredible.

“Damn, girl. You’re going to get eaten alive.” She whispered, removing it quickly and dressing again, grinning widely. It would be one of two surprises for her vampire lover, the second being that Megan had offered to be her alibi so Ava could claim to be staying at hers, meaning in truth, she could spend all night with Chris and then hot foot it over to her bestie’s house the next morning with a little takeout breakfast as a thank you, which she now had the money to buy, since her allowance for that week had all been previously allocated.  

Exiting the store, she visited the one next to it to buy some fancy chocolate, the high of being able to do what she pleased with her own money rather than that which was provided to her giving a little buzz. She could get used to this. Sadly, though, no matter how clandestinely she ran her little jewellery side line, her parents would notice when she began accumulating items that they knew would have come under her allowance budget.

While eating her chocolate, she signed, hating how controlling they were. She had to reason that it could be a lot worse, for she knew of some kids within her church who were ruled with an iron fist, not given so much as an inch of freedom. At least she could dress in fashionable clothes, albeit none that revealed much more than her arms, and certainly not her legs or chest.  

‘You’re nearly twenty, Ava. How much more of them controlling you are you going to put up with?’  

Hiding her purchases in her college bag before heading home, she caught the bus back, hearing the usual whisperings from people who paid attention to politics about the governor's daughter being present on public transport. She wasn’t like a famous personality or anything, but on occasion, she was recognised.  

“All that money and he makes his kid take the bus?”

“Imagine if someone tried to snatch her for ransom?”

“Not exactly setting a good image, making his child use public transport when she’s more than old enough to drive.”

“I don’t appreciate being gossiped about. The dynamics of our family are truly no one else’s business but ours. Now, unless you have the surname Martin and are a part of that family, I kindly ask you to keep your opinions to yourself.” What Ava really wanted to do was scream at them that they should shut the fuck up, but she’d get into trouble for doing that.  

Again, there it was, the control, the fact she had to act poised and refined in public in order to send the right message, be the wholesome governor’s daughter. Thankfully, that evening, she got to be a whole lot less wholesome.  

“Fuck me, you look amazing,” Chris groaned, after she’d wiggled out of her dress in the hallway of his cabin, surprising him with her new underwear literally as soon as they were through the door.  

“I thought they’d go nicely with your eyes,” she purred, dropping her bag and jacket as she kicked off her shoes.  

“Very nicely with what I’m about to take from your neck as well, if I may?”  

“Of course, you may. You have to, really. In order to take me upstairs and rail me into the middle of next week.” It was a necessary that a vampire feed prior to having sex, else nothing would happen where getting an erection was concerned.  

“I know, but it’s polite to ask. I shall eat you in another way in return as well.” Moving her hair from her neck, he kissed her softly, fangs plunging in a second later, leaving her tingly all over. It hurt to hell and back at first, but fuck, once that burning pain faded, it was so erotic. Lifting her up, she wrapped her legs around him, being carried upstairs as he laid kisses to her cleavage, running his tongue over each risen dome of her breasts.  

Landing on the bed with a giggle, she watched him pull off his t shirt, grabbing her by the back of her knees and hauling her closer, mouth at her navel, tongue circling while his hands stroked her thighs. “I almost don’t wanna take these off. Seriously, they’re bloody gorgeous. Red is definitely your colour. You should paint your toenails to match, not that these little feet aren’t pretty enough.”

Grasping her foot, he sucked her toes, biting them with a playful growl as Ava giggled, his hands pulling down her undies. Red toenails, gosh. To her mother, that would be hussy territory. It was nude, glitter or nothing. “What do you want to look like you have corpse nails for?” her father had playfully cried when he’d seen her checking out matte black manicure looks. The usual French polish remained on her long, stiletto tips. It was still a surprise to her that she’d been allowed those.  

All of those thoughts drifted far from her mind at feeling his cool mouth close around all that was hot, her sex sucked upon hungrily by her vampire lover as he knelt at the edge of the bed, hands running up her back to unclip her bra, pinching her nipples as his tongue whirled over her clit in a slow, circular lick. He was really starting to enjoy himself when the feeling of another shot through his blood. No. Not her. Please, not her. A second passed and then there she was, making Ava shriek in surprise.

“Well, look who we have here! Governor Martin’s daughter in the arms, well no, the mouth of my offspring! How do you do, Miss Martin,” Magda drawled, Chris grabbing either end of the duvet and wrapping Ava in it to protect her modesty, turning to his creator with a look of red eyed venom.

“I told you to stop coming here.”

“You may tell me a lot of things, Christopher, but while I’m the creator and you’re the offspring, I’m under no obligation to do any of them. You, on the other hand, you have to do as you’re told. Stop playing with your little toy and come satisfy me for a few hours. Or you can fuck me in front of her, if the mood takes you. I’ll even let you break my back.”

“No.” He had to at least try, even if it did end in a physical fight he couldn’t win.  

“But you will, you’ll do as you’re told.”

“No, he won’t. Chris doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to. He’s with me tonight, so that means satisfying you is something he shan’t be doing,” Ava spoke bravely, picking up on his energy, how he felt within at the prospect of such. It was mostly anger, but what she felt going off like a flare within him was panic. He was scared. She couldn’t tell why, whether the fear was for him or her, but it was very present.

Magda couldn’t remember the last time anyone had been so bold in front of her, the old vampire entertained greatly by the chutzpah of her offspring’s young lover. “Oh, little witch. Give him up now and you don’t get hurt. Speak to me like that again, and I’ll disembowel you and make him fuck me upon your remains. Clear? If not, I can...”

This was as far as Magda got, Ava experiencing the pulsing anger charge through her, her right arm feeling like it was about to explode, the action not conscious as she threw it out in her aggressor's direction, Magda flying backwards and hitting the opposite wall, Ava holding her there as she stood, walking over.  

“Firstly, you will never, ever threaten me again.” Her first statement was delivered coldly, her voice sounding different to even herself as rage pulsed through her, Chris standing motionless, his eyes flitting between them.

Taking a deep breath, Ava continued. “It’s obvious he doesn’t stand up to you, or likely can’t, I don’t know, I’m not all that clued up about your relationship other than he absolutely hates you. Me, though? I’ll stand up to you. I’m not afraid of you, Magda. Now, leave him alone. Leave us alone, in fact. Because that’s what it is, him and me, us. Not him and you.”

“You’ll pay for this.”

“No, you will if you come near me again. If I can hold you against a wall with just the power of my mind, imagine what I could do to you if I really tried.” Letting her go, Magda hit the floor in a heap, straightening quickly and adjusting her dress as with a scowl, she left, her pride hurting that the young witch had defeated her so effortlessly.  

“Not that I’m jealous, what we are has yet to be clearly defined, but do you really enjoy having sex with that odious woman? Fuck she’s a piece of work, she...” That was as far as Ava got, Chris zooming in front of her and planting his mouth upon hers, kissing her in thanks for being the first person ever to stand up for him in the face of his vile creator. She had just done exactly what he couldn’t; executed true and blinding power over her, and told her no, a no Magda couldn’t overpower.  

“I don’t want to talk about Magda any more. All I want to say is that you’re fucking brilliant, an amazing witch for being able to do that. Now, no more talk. She’s not going to ruin our night.” Kissing her again, he steered her back in the direction of the bed, resuming their previous places prior to being disturbed.  

“I threw a fucking vampire into a wall!” Suddenly cried, sitting up when the magnitude of what she’d done hit her after a slight delay.  

He looked up, not stopping for a moment, letting go of his suck on her clit with a little slurp. “Just as long as you don’t throw me into a wall. It was amazing, though, to see someone hand her arse to her. Anyway, we’ll talk more about your growing abilities later. Right now, the only thing I wanna hear come from your mouth are wails.”

She rested back again, a soft sigh leaving her mouth at feeling his tongue darting in a zig zag over her clit, making it swell, a groan pouring from her when he sped up. Her hands floundered before settling either side of his head, fisting tightly at his scalp as her hips began to purl against his mouth,  

He was as unrelenting as a monsoon, the rain of pleasure utterly torrential, Ava lost to the heat of it as it roared through her like an untamed fire, her thighs writhing against his face as he ate her rapaciously. She was tender against the unyielding licks, a chorus of sweet swears leaving her mouth as she lost herself to biting crackles that roared through her.  

He barely gave her chance to recover before his fingers slipped within her molten walls, massaging her deep at first before applying pressure more shallowly. She knew exactly what he wanted, for her to soak him. How she did once he’d gotten her there, her squirt hitting his chest as his fingers powered against her, his mouth closing over her slit and sucking the rest down, removing his jeans, climbing onto the bed and turning her flat on her front.  

He parted her thighs wide, aligning himself against her dripping cunt before sliding in, his groan the pinnacle of beastly, tongue running up her spine. He dragged her slowly, his hands grasping the beautiful orbs of her ass, her little gasps making his insides sizzle. The heat of her had him melting right to his very marrow, kissing her from one shoulder to the other, Ava juddering with delight beneath him, turning her head to receive a kiss of scorching passion.  

Her nails clawed the sheets as he filled and emptied her deliciously slowly, wailing as she was speared so deeply, she felt his balls press into her with every thrust, her back curving in response to ruinous way in which he fucked her. It was scalding, the way his cool body slid against hers, moving one of her legs up and somehow, managing to hit her deeper, her clit pressing to the bed below as he bore his weight down into her, the graze of the fabric rubbing her as his cock arrowed her second release into her.  

“You’ve ruined humans for me,” she gasped through her shaky breaths, Chris laughing softly.

“Good.” That ruining continued for hours to come, finally giving Ava the chance to recover a little at midnight, resting his head on her stomach as he stroked her sweaty thigh, his witch coming her nails through his hair as she observed him.

“Why this?” she questioned, running her fingertip over his frown line crease.

“You have to go in an hour,” he lamented, turning his head to kiss her sternum.

Sitting up, she moved his head to her thigh, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “Nope, I don’t, actually. I told my parents I was staying at Megan’s place, so you have me all night.” The grin that spread across his face made her smile immediately, Chris suddenly getting up and striding towards the door.  

“Follow me, I have something to show you before I continue banging the life out of you.” He left the bedroom, Ava picking up his t shirt and pulling it on, not sure why but feeling like she needed to be somewhat dressed. Chris wasn’t precious about nudity whatsoever. He often told her he only bothered dressing if he was actually leaving the house.  

“Okay, so what do you have to show me?” she asked, arriving at his side in the lounge.

Turning to look at her, he beamed, tugging his t shirt and kissing her head. “You look adorable in this, it buries you! Okay, what I have to show you are right here. All of these, they’re complete volumes on witchcraft, probably totalling thousands of spells and incantations. By sheer coincidence, my brother and sister live in a house once owned and now haunted by a witch, and these were all hers. Now, they’re all yours, to keep here, along with any other books or witchcraft associated paraphernalia you wish to buy, but want to hide from your parents.”

Ava could hardly believe her eyes as she viewed them all, the old, magical texts, some dating back hundreds of years from the look of them, but in absolute pristine condition. And he’d been thoughtful enough to bring them there, just for her. “I, I can’t thank you enough. This, this is all I’ve ever wanted, historical documentation over my kind, old spells, the resource right there at my fingertips! Thank you, so, so much, Chris.”

“You’re welcome. I sat and read them all already, so I can be clued up if you want to discuss anything within them with me. I mean, I know I’m not a witch, but I’d like to be encouraging as you learn more about the fact that you are.”

Right there, in the gesture and his words, was a kind of commitment Ava wasn’t expecting to come from him, wanting to be in her life for more reasons than to just have sex with her. Still, what they were wasn’t defined, but she knew such an action showed that he was definitely fonder of her than she’d expected him to be.  

“What? What’s that puzzled look for?”  

“Nothing, it’s just... it’s so lovely, what you did.” Sliding her arms around his waist, she kissed his chest, the stillness within him as comforting as ever. But then, Chris being Chris...

“I guess I’ll let you suck my dick as a thank you.”  

Her eye roll had him in hysterics, but right there by the bookcase containing her new library, she crouched down and said thank you.  

[innko]

“Why did women choose to use NuvaRing? Court documents filed against Merck state that since the mid-1990s there have been more than 10 studies suggesting that third-generation progestins, including the one used in NuvaRing, are approximately twice as likely to cause blood clots as those used in other birth-control devices that have an earlier form of progestin. A blood clot that blocks a vein is known as a venous thromboembolism (VTE). VTEs can occur in any vein, but they most often appear in the legs. They can also break off and travel to the lungs. That’s what happened to Megan—and to Erika too. A 2012 study published in B.M.J. (British Medical Journal) found that vaginal rings carry a 90 percent greater risk of VTE than birth-control pills with earlier forms of progestin. (The report states that in any given year, out of 10,000 women who are not using a hormonal contraceptive, an average of 2.1 would suffer a VTE. For a woman using a vaginal ring, that risk increases 6.5 times.) A 2011 F.D.A. report found that rings could increase that risk by 56 percent. According to the lawsuits, in 2007 Organon, the Dutch pharmaceutical company that created NuvaRing, completed a study that showed a 1.6-times increased risk, but that study didn’t have enough participants to meet clinical standards. (Referencing earlier studies, Merck responds, “The safety and efficacy of NuvaRing were originally established in clinical trials involving more than 3,700 women.”)

I went to the NuvaRing Web site to see how Merck had dealt with what was clearly well-documented risk. I found the usual disclaimers and warnings regarding heart attacks, strokes, and smoking. I read, “The risk of getting blood clots may be greater with the type of progestin in NuvaRing than with some other progestins in certain low-dose birth control pills.” What did Merck mean by saying the risk “may be greater”? Would a young woman use NuvaRing if she knew that the F.D.A. had come up with an increased risk of 56 percent? The number of women affected appeared to be in the thousands, and there were millions of users.

The same dilemma drove Karen Langhart, who spent the days after her daughter’s death in an impenetrable fog, to read every research report she could find on the Internet. She immediately ran into a maze of contradictions and allegations. Most drug companies have become huge marketing machines, advertising drugs with sometimes inadequate warnings of side effects. At Merck, the 2012 marketing-and-administration budget was 50 percent larger than the budget for research and development.

The United States and New Zealand are the only countries in the world that allow prescription drugs to be advertised on television. In 1997, a change to an F.D.A. regulation set up the arena for the sideshow of athletes, models, dancers, and aging baby-boomers who dominate ads for antidepressants, blood thinners, and possible four-hour erections for senior males who pop a Cialis so they’ll be ready “when the moment is right.” NuvaRing was launched in a world of gaudy TV huckstering, the standard for which was set by former Senate majority leader Bob Dole, who, not long after he lost his bid to become president, began to push Viagra in prime time.”

[purplesimmer455]

After she and the other students were dismissed at 2pm, Piper, Malaya, and Lily headed to Thriftea to get bubble teas to celebrate the end of exams. Piper shopped for a bit as well, making sure to stay within the budget her moms had given her. At 3pm Lily had to go, her mom was taking her to visit her dad and grandma for the weekend. Piper hugged her and was like I hope your grandma's gonna feel better, and Lily nodded and said bye to Malaya as well and left. After an hour, Malaya's moms texted her to come home as well, since they had some news to discuss with her. She kissed Piper on the cheek, and left too. Piper decided to stay a bit longer, and she browsed the clothes and accessories, buying a cute necklace and a mango bubble tea.

She walked out of the shop and was heading to the bus stop when she ran into her auntie Mia. Technically Mia wasn't her aunt, but she was her auntie Megan’s sister, so Piper just called her auntie as well. Piper waved enthusiastically at her, and stopped to talk to her. Mia asked what Piper was doing in the neighborhood, and Piper was like oh, I'm buying myself a treat after my exams and gestured to her bag with the bubble tea in one pocket and the necklace in a recyclable wrapping. Mia laughed and said she used to do the same in high school, except with buying bottles of mini sodas, candy, and chips at the convenience store and bringing it over to a friend's house to have a movie and snacks night. Piper chatted with her for a bit, and then headed on her way again.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 08/05/2021 (Billie Eilish, DJ Khaled)

Whilst this is slightly busier than last week, I am genuinely surprised with how little is actually going on here on this week’s chart, a lot less than I expected or predicted. With that said, the top of the chart is where our biggest story comes from and that is “Body” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne taking advantage of a weak chart with its star-studded remix and peaking at #1 for its first week, replacing Lil Nas X’s “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)”. Not only is it the biggest hit for both of these guys and their first #1s, but it’s the first #1 for the entire UK drill genre, which kind of came out of nowhere for me since I think the song’s pretty worthless but with a TikTok challenge and streaming numbers that have even placed it in the American Spotify chart, it’s gearing up to be one of the biggest British rap songs ever. Let’s hope maybe this one doesn’t stall out as badly as “Don’t Rush” outside of the UK. With all that out of the way, let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Our only new arrival from last week’s UK Top 75 (which is what I cover), “Come Through” by H.E.R. featuring Chris Brown, is gone on the next off of the debut. Well, at least we have more than one new song this week, as well as some interesting chart nonsense lower down, but also some notable drop-outs for “Mr. Perfectly Fine” by Taylor Swift, “Mercury” by Dave and Kamal., “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” by Drake featuring Rick Ross, “All You Ever Wanted” by Rag’n’Bone Man (which will rebound next week as that album makes its impact) as well as “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles finally making what seems to be its last exit. Our only return is in the form of “Confetti” by Little Mix getting a massive surge back at #15 after its Saweetie remix and the attached music video, though Saweetie doesn’t happen to be credited here.

We do have an interesting selection of gains and losses, as with the notable fallers – dropping five spots or more down the chart – we have “Titanium” by Dave at #23, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted getting ACR’d down to #29 (it had a surprisingly great run), “The Business” by Tiesto having the same happen to it at #32, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa at #40, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo at #43, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd at #45, “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals at #51, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK hit hard to #54, the same with “Up” by Cardi B at #59, “You” by Regard, Troye Sivan and Tate McRae shaking off the gains #63, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #60, “Heat” by Paul Woolford and Amber Mark at #66, “Solid” by Young Stoner Life, Young Thug and Gunna featuring Drake at #69, “Paradise” by MERDUZA and Dermot Kennedy at #71 and, sadly, “How Does it Feel” by London Grammar at #75.

Where it gets a bit more telling about how the charts are going to adapt into the Summer is in our climbers as we have solid gains for “Another Love” by Tom Odell making another run at #60, “Sunshine (The Light)” by Fat Joe, DJ Khaled and Amorphous inexplicably at #57 and now we get into the top 40 where we have more potential future hits. “Way Too Long” by Nathan Dawe, Anne-Marie and MoStack is at #38, “Don’t You Worry About Me” brings the Bad Boy Chiller Crew their first hit at #37 (although the song is only ever worth hearing for that chorus) and “WITHOUT YOU” by the Kid LAROI returns to the top 40 at #30 thanks to a remix with Miley Cyrus who is again not credited by the Official Charts Company. Boney M. are granted their first new top 20 hit since the 1990s, even if it is just a remix of a song that went #2 in 1978, as Majestic’s remix of “Rasputin” is at #18. Our final gain is for a song first entering the top 10 thanks to the remix with Ariana Grande finally making an impact – yet once again not given the official credit by the OCC – as “Save Your Tears” by the Weeknd makes its way up to #8, becoming his tenth top 10 hit here in Britain. That’s not the only song to first enter the top 10 this week but we’ll get to that in due time with our... odd selection of new arrivals this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#73 – “EVERY CHANCE I GET” – DJ Khaled featuring Lil Baby and Lil Durk

Produced by DJ Khaled and Tay Keith

Two of our new entries are from DJ Khaled’s most recent album Khaled Khaled, an album much like any Khaled album I found cheap and just dull. This record especially is just mixed horribly, with a budget spent exceedingly on getting big-name features instead of any worthwhile engineers to actually mix and master this 50-minute trainwreck. The album doesn’t have many highlights at all but if I had to choose some they would be the two debuting this week, the first of which is basically a Lil Baby cut, “EVERY CHANCE I GET”, with a verse from Lil Durk. Okay, so, yes, first of all, much like the rest of the record, this mix is compressed and just weak, with bizarre bass mastering and drums that sound like garbage, before we get to Lil Baby himself sounding even froggier than ever. I do think that gives the song part of its charm, though, as with a Tay Keith beat, it’s definitely going for a hardcore, old-school Memphis rap atmosphere, and with Lil Baby’s flow switches disguising paranoid lyrics about the typical gunplay and flexing, it does effectively make a pretty intimidating listen... okay, well, it would, if DJ Khaled didn’t have to pop in to convince Lil Baby to “keep going”. We also get a single verse from Lil Durk here, mixed like he recorded his vocals in his bath to the point where it’s clipping against the bass, but delivering a King Von-esque flow that sounds pretty great, and admittedly more detail than you’d expect. I also love that silly “mmm-mmm” flow he uses at the end. I do wish a song like this, clearly supposed to be menacing, did not have the ludicrous personality void that is DJ Khaled on it, and it’s not like they need Khaled to collaborate together – or with Tay Keith for that matter – so I don’t really see why the dude doesn’t just shut up and promote his albums as compilations instead. I understand it comes from his mixtape days, but if this is going to be a studio album, treat it like one and just be quiet for once.

#72 – “Oblivion” – Royal Blood

Produced by Royal Blood

Royal Blood got the #1 album this week for Typhoons and admittedly, whilst I am interested in this band, I haven’t gotten around to listening to it, so I’ll take this album cut as a preview of what to come. If I am doing that, I hope to be surprised by whatever else that album has in store as I’m not really a fan of this. That eerie choppy guitar loop being immediately crushed by this heavily distorted riff and stiff percussion just does not sound unique or interesting, especially if Mike Kerr is going to sound this soulless. The build towards the chorus feels pretty pathetic and unwarranted, and said chorus is just not catchy, before we get to content about how he knows his fate through how arrogant he’s been and he deserves what’s coming to him. I mean, sure, but there’s nothing that makes it obvious that these guys don’t care about what’s coming to them given the pained vocal delivery and monotonous instrumental. It doesn’t feel exciting, rebellious or whatever emotion this tries and fails to capture, just stiff and staggered in its execution. This does make sense for Royal Blood but seems to me like they’re resting way too heavily on ideas ran through the soil at this point. With all that said, this isn’t bad at all, just not as great as those other singles have been from the record. I think I’d be more forgiving if it didn’t come off as a Queens of the Stone Age tribute act writing “originals” that bomb at their shows.

#56 – “love race” – Machine Gun Kelly featuring Kellin Quinn

Produced by Jeff Peters, Jared Gudstadt and Travis Barker

I guess this might actually be a rock-heavy week – not that I’m complaining about more of a rock presence on the chart but God, I wish it wasn’t coming from MGK. I’ll have some choice words to say about this guy’s last attempt at a pop-rock hit by the end of the year, probably, but at least for this song he brought on someone with some kind of legitimacy. Kellin Quinn is the frontman of post-hardcore band Sleeping with Sirens, one of the most successful bands in their genre but not one unlike others that grew out of the metalcore-infused pop rock to anything more unique or experimental. With that said, Quinn is barely here and other than Travis Barker’s typical explosive drums, MGK is the biggest presence here in his raspy but borderline unlistenable vocal tone that I just can’t stand, especially if it’s going to stretch out “run” as long and as far as he did in that longing, desperate chorus. MGK barely even lets Kellin Quinn have his own verse, registering him as backing vocals throughout the entire song, dampening his vocals that sound a lot more unique and enthused, especially when he starts screaming. That bridge did give me trancecore flashbacks – not that I’m complaining if I’m fully honest – so I’ll admit the part of me that eats up emo-pop garbage did let this grow on me a bit, but, man, without a guitar solo to distract from pretty awful lyrics (not that I’d expect much more from this artist or genre) and without really letting Quinn loose on the vocals, it’s lacking a certain grit and punch I expect from post-hardcore. The song did, however, indirectly remind me of New Found Glory, for which I am thankful for.

#53 – “I DID IT” – DJ Khaled featuring Post Malone, Megan Thee Stallion, Lil Baby and DaBaby

Produced by Ben Billions, Joe Zarrillo, DJ 360, Tay Keith and DJ Khaled

You wouldn’t expect an artist line-up like this to continue this trend of rock in this week’s new arrivals, but you’d be surprised, and personally I’m pretty happy with how much rock seems to be creeping up back into the public consciousness as if there’s one thing I got back in touch with the most over lockdown, it was the rock music I was raised on and it led to me even further appreciating a genre I had kind of lost touch with over the years out of just a lack of interest. With that said, this isn’t a rock song per se, but it does heavily and lazily sample a classic like much of this Khaled album, going for “Layla” by Derek and the Dominos. I’m not going to lie, either, it sets up a pretty effective back-bone for a trap banger about being awesome, especially with those squealing riffs in the chorus. Oh, yeah, and the mixing is horrible as expected, but to be honest to me it does not dampen the boasting, anthemic nature of this track, especially with Post Malone being a perfect choice to croon that infectious chorus. Megan Thee Stallion has a pretty embarrassingly by-the-numbers verse over a switch in the beat that makes it sound oddly stunted, but she does have that swinging rock charisma that people like Lil Baby do not have. With that said, I think I’m at the point where I eat anything Lil Baby says or does, because the flow switches combined with his frog-throat delivery is just impeccable. Content-wise, I think everyone here realises they’re being squashed by the clipping beat as they just go off about complete nonsense that goes in one ear and out the other apart from Lil Baby’s misguided but still pretty funny line about how he contemplated going vegan but sees no point in it because he’s got ten karats in both of his ears. Sure. At least DJ Khaled as something to do as he... harmonises, I guess, with Posty on the chorus. DaBaby is as distant as possible from the microphone to the point where I can barely hear him, not that it matters when his verse is that basic and short. This is kind of a trainwreck in all honesty, but with four choruses and a beat this heavy, it’s hard to be annoyed by it. Overwhelming maybe but these performers are all characters by themselves and throwing them in this three-minute chaos of squealing guitars and trap skitters just fascinates me if anything. Does it count as a posse cut? I don’t know. Either way, this is hilarious.

#5 – “Your Power” – Billie Eilish

Produced by FINNEAS

Decidedly not hilarious is this new single from Billie Eilish looking to be a smash from that upcoming album which now has a track listing and release date, with this functioning as I suppose the true lead single and her seventh top 10 here in the UK. It’s a brave choice too considering the lyrical content which is a pretty scathing attack on her ex-boyfriend and their abusive relationship, making several references to the gap in age and power dynamic that played into something really distressing for the both of them but especially a young, vulnerable Billie Eilish who found herself helpless in this relationship because of that “hero” quickly revealing himself as little more than his projected insecurities. The song’s detailed enough not to detach itself from Billie’s personal struggles but also works as what I suppose is a warning, as it’s retelling a story all too familiar with many girls of her age at the time who end up in these really scary situations. It does help that the song itself is great, relying on these layered acoustic guitars to form some kind of dejected groove behind Eilish’s vocals, whispery and cooing as always but in this case way too loud in the mix for my taste to the point where it kind of takes me out of the song as a whole. With a better master that blends her vocal take a lot better into the guitars, maybe going for a fuzzier, dream-pop angle, could work a lot better but with that said, I do understand the purpose of making it feel this intimate and minimal because Billie’s honest songwriting calls for a delivery like this, even if she ends up sounding shakier or even mumbling at times as a result. This is a big debut for Billie for a song not prepared to do as well as it did given its content and sound that is not exactly radio-friendly and oftentimes requires more heavy of a listen than a pop song would otherwise. I do love that final outro as her humming careens off the gentle guitars with just enough scratch but I do question how abrupt the ending is. Hopefully when the album’s out, we’ll have a bigger picture to as where this single in particular fits in.

Conclusion

With only five new arrivals and not much in the way of anything bad, I guess Worst of the Week goes to “Oblivion” by Royal Blood but giving a Dishonourable Mention would just end up as dishonest. Therefore, Best of the Week goes to Billie Eilish for “Your Power” but – and I cannot believe I am saying this for a 3/10 album with only fluke hits – but DJ Khaled – and Lil Baby for that matter – get a tied Honourable Mention for both of their songs, “EVERY CHANCE THAT I GET” with Lil Durk and “I DID IT” with Post Malone, Megan Thee Stallion and DaBaby. Now to distract from the fact I just did that, here’s this week’s top 10:

I can’t really make any healthy predictions for next week. Maybe we’ll get some songs from Lil Tecca, Rag’n’Bone Man or Bebe Rexha? Maybe we’ll end up with some fluke Weezer smash hit, who knows? Regardless, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week.

[staystrange]

heart is yours for the taking

Brooklyn Nine-Nine • Jake Peralta / Amy Santiago Rating: T • ~5.2k words • ao3 cw: slight mentions of drugs but no one uses them in the fic

It was officially the first day of summer. But it wasn’t just the first day of any summer, it was the first day of Jake’s first summer as Amy Santiago’s boyfriend, and Jake was determined to make it count.

-or-

Five times Jake's well-intentioned summer date plans end poorly and one time they don't.

This fic was written for @santiagoswagger as part of the @b99fandomevents summer 2020 fic exchange! I had such a blast writing this fic, and I hope that you enjoy it : )

Prompt: Snapshots of Jake and Amy’s first months as a couple through the summer.

I took this prompt and just ran with it and ended up with this! I've always wanted to write a 5+1 style fic but never had the right idea for one, so this was perfect.

Title from Summer Forever by Megan Nicole - one of my favorite summer bops!

011:58, 11:59, midnight.

It was officially the first day of summer. But it wasn’t just the first day of any summer, it was the first day of Jake’s first summer as Amy Santiago’s boyfriend, and Jake was determined to make it count.

He looked over at Amy, already asleep in the bed next to him. She’d come over to Jake’s apartment earlier that evening after a long day at the nine-nine (she was so busy that she hadn’t been able to get any extra paperwork done, which to her was an absolute disaster), and they’d eaten takeout pierogies for dinner before getting ready for bed early. Amy fell asleep almost immediately after giving Jake a tender kiss goodnight, but Jake was so excited for the date he’d planned for their upcoming Saturday night off that he couldn’t sleep.

Jake’s train of thought slowed in favor of focusing on Amy and how beautiful she looked, even asleep with drool moving steadily down her chin. No matter how many times he and Amy shared a bed, it never quite felt real to Jake, that he’d finally admitted his feelings for her and that she actually liked him back. Heck, Amy had broken rules for him, and he’d tried to follow some for her in return (though the whole “light and breezy” thing didn’t last long, but the effort still counted). But there she was, lying next to him as she had every night so far that week. It took all of Jake’s self control to not reach over and kiss her (he didn’t want to wake her); instead, he lay back down, facing Amy so that she was the last thing he saw before he fell asleep, a soft smile forming on his face as he drifted off.

1

“Ready to go, babe?” Jake asked, leaning his hip against Amy’s desk.

“Hold on, let me just finish signing this paperwork,” Amy muttered in reply, the pen in her hand moving at a snail’s pace along the dotted line on the bottom of the page.

“Ames, we’ve been over this. You need to do something about that speed. Not the drug,” Jake added quickly, “I mean how quickly you write your signature. You get what I mean, right?”

“Yes, Jake, I get what you mean.” Amy capped the pen and stood up. “I just have to turn this in to Captain Holt and then we’re good to go.” Jake followed her across the bullpen to Captain Holt’s office door, almost crashing into her when she turned around just in front of it. “You can’t come in with me, babe, I don’t want you ruining this moment between the Captain and me.”

“You mean ‘the Captain and I,’” Jake replied, a smug smile on his face, his determination to catch Amy in a grammar mistake overpowering his offense at her comment.

“No, but good try though.” She patted him on the shoulder before turning and walking through the door, closing it behind her to stop Jake from following her inside.

“Damn it, I thought I had her,” Jake said to himself, but he couldn’t help but smile proudly as he watched Amy hand her paperwork in, Captain Holt nodding with approval in response.

———

When Amy finally emerged from Captain Holt’s office fifteen minutes later, a pleased smile on her face, Jake reached for her hand, tugging her toward the door. “Come on, babe, our shift has been over for almost an hour already. We’re going to be late for our date.”

“Ooh, you’re taking me on a date tonight?” Amy squeezed Jake’s hand.

Jake grinned. “Yep! I actually managed to keep it a surprise for once.” He called the elevator, the doors opening with a ding a few moments later.

“And what are we doing on this spontaneous date that I didn’t get to prepare for?”

Jake winced internally, refusing to let Amy see the doubt that began to permeate his excitement. “You’ll see! The surprise isn’t over just yet.” He opened the passenger side door for Amy with a slightly comical bow before walking around to the driver’s side and sliding into the seat. He started the car and cranked up the radio to his favorite pop hits station, realizing in that moment he should have probably asked Amy to choose the station instead. At a red light, he turned to her to offer to change the station, but then the newest Carly Rae Jepsen single came on and he was too busy singing along, loud enough to drown out his own nerves.

When they pulled into the drive-in movie theater that had just opened right outside the New York City limits, Amy’s face fell when she saw that the night’s showing was of ��

“Die Hard?!” Amy asked, incredulous. “Really? We haven’t even been dating for that long and we’ve already watched this movie way too many times. You pick this movie every single time it’s your turn to plan movie night. Why are we paying money to watch this movie again?”

“Because I thought it would be fun and maybe even a little romantic to watch it at a drive-in movie theater on a warm, clear summer night?” Amy raised her eyebrow, her arms crossing over the seatbelt. “I brought snacks, if that helps at all.”

“I’m listening.”

Jake reached into the backseat and handed Amy a plastic shopping bag filled with snacks: greasy potato chips and gummy bears for Jake, chocolate pretzels and salted popcorn for Amy. “Come on, Amy, you didn’t really think I wouldn’t bring snacks to entertain us, did you?”

“I mean yeah, the snacks help, but we could eat snacks and watch Die Hard at home, Jake. Remember when we talked about budgeting and saving your money?”

“Amy —” Jake was about to reply, but then the stadium lights shut off and the screen lit up with the opening shot of the movie. “We’re already here, I already paid for the tickets, and I already bought the snacks. Just try to enjoy this, okay?”

Amy opened the bag of popcorn, putting a couple pieces in her mouth and chewing contentedly. “Fine. But only because this popcorn is really good.”

2

“You took her to a drive-in showing of Die Hard and called it a romantic date?!”

The second Jake had arrived at the precinct first thing in the morning after his and Amy’s night off, Charles had marched right over to his desk and demanded details. Jake knew better than to deny him, so he told him everything, disagreement and all. Thankfully, Amy had the morning off, and Jake had let her sleep in.

Charles’s response didn’t surprise Jake, and he more than deserved the dig, but he still felt the need to defend himself. “It was romantic! Drive-in movies are totally perfect for early-summer dates, and I brought snacks and everything! And you should have seen the sunset behind the screen!”

“Okay, to be fair, that does sound nice. But still, come on Jakey, this is Amy we’re talking about! You’ve been in love with her for years! And then you get to go out with her, and you take her on a shitty date?”

“Okay, I know it wasn’t great, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it a shitty date,” Jake pointed out.

“Well, whatever, you can do so much better than that, Jake.” Charles’s face lit up with an idea. “I know! You should take her to Bon Appe-tweet, this new restaurant that I just discovered the other night.”

“Bon Appe-tweet?” Jake asked, fighting back the laugh that bubbled up in his chest. “I don’t know, Charles, is this another one of your weird food restaurants?”

“No! Jake, you’ll like it. They only serve bird-based dishes. Chicken, turkey, duck, the works. And it’s pretty fancy, so Amy will swoon, and then you’ll go home and make babies and —”

“Alright, Charles, thank you for the recommendation,” Jake said, cutting him off before he got too far down that rabbit hole. Even though Jake knew from many prior experiences that if it was something Charles recommended, it probably couldn’t be trusted, for some reason he had a good feeling about this one and decided to go with his gut. “I’ll make a reservation for later this week.”

Jake just hoped he wasn’t making a huge mistake.

———

It was absolutely a huge mistake.

Everything was totally fine at first, to Jake’s pleasant surprise. He and Amy had decided to reserve an outdoor table since the weather was supposed to be clear and warm, and to their delight, the outdoor patio was surrounded by colorful sweet-smelling flowers. Jake decided to splurge and order a bottle of rosé for them to share, and they sipped the wine slowly as they perused the menu.

“Ooh, this fancy chicken dish that I don’t know how to pronounce sounds really good. What are you thinking, Ames?” Jake asked, looking up from his menu at his girlfriend across from him. Jake had told her to dress up for this date, and she’d chosen a dark blue dress that she knew Jake liked, her hair pinned up in a classy bun. She was stunningly beautiful; there were simply no other words to describe her.

“I think I’m going to get the orange chicken,” Amy replied, closing the menu and setting it down on the table, her hands folding over her napkin in her lap. “I’m still not totally ready to trust a restaurant recommended by Charles, but you can’t really go wrong with orange chicken.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Jake said, raising his glass with a laugh.

They ordered their respective dishes when the waiter brought over a basket of bread, and they returned to their drinks, content smiles on their faces.

“This is better than the other night, right?” Jake asked

“Yes, definitely.” Amy took another sip of her rosé, her smile widening.

And then it happened.

The squawking coming from behind the restaurant building caught Jake and Amy off guard, and it was a miracle that neither of them sloshed their drinks onto the table or their clothes. Amy looked horrified, and Jake knew his face reflected a similar look back at her.

“Is there like a farm up the road or something?” Amy asked, her palms pressing into her ears.

“I have no idea!” Jake yelled back to be heard over the squawking.

When it finally stopped, Jake exhaled in relief, but there was something uneasy about the silence that followed. No one else dining out at the restaurant that night seemed to notice or care, though, so Jake chose to just shake it off and focus on Amy, whose initially anxious smile had softened as she drank.

Jake had managed to almost forget it until his and Amy’s food arrived and it hit him that the sounds they’d heard were chickens being murdered for their dinner. The thought made him sick.

“Here you go, sir, madam,” the waiter said, setting their dishes down in front of each of them. “Fresh from our in-house farm. Enjoy!”

“We can’t eat this, Jake!” Amy hissed once the waiter was out of earshot. “They murdered these chickens right in front of us.”

“I mean, they didn’t kill them right in front of us —” Jake stopped when the look on Amy’s face made it clear she was in no mood for joking. “Okay yeah, they might as well have. And normally I would support leaving right now and getting dinner somewhere else, but this food is expensive so if I have to pay for it anyway, we might as well eat it, right?”

Amy opened her mouth to argue, but sighed instead, knowing she couldn’t argue with Jake’s logic. “Fine. But please, promise me you will never trust Charles to plan anything for us ever again.”

“I swear on my original copy of Die Hard that I will never trust Charles Boyle’s food recommendations ever again.” Amy nodded her approval, gulping nervously before cutting into her food, Jake following her lead.

The chicken was actually really good when he didn’t think too hard about where it had come from.

———

“Charles, why didn’t you mention that they kill the chickens in front of you?!” Jake asked the next morning, marching up to Charles’s desk.

“Why wouldn’t they kill them in front of you? If your food isn’t being prepared in front of you at a restaurant, then what is the point of going to a restaurant?”

“Okay, Charles,” Jake said, giving up and turning to the pile of paperwork on his desk.

3

Jake had decided to stop testing his luck with dates for the rest of the week, choosing to plan nights in for him and Amy instead. The next week, though, Jake was feeling brave enough to try again, and this time he sought advice from someone older and wiser.

“Sarge?” Jake approached his desk during an afternoon lull in work. “You’re older and therefore wise and all-knowing. Where should I take Amy on a date this week?”

“You don’t know your girlfriend well enough to know where to take her on a date?!” Terry replied, looking up from his computer.

“No, I do, but I’m worried my ideas aren’t good enough for her. The dates I planned last week were both disasters, and I need a new plan. Where do you take Sharon for date night?”

“Well, we’ve been taking ballroom dancing classes recently and they’ve been pretty fun. They also really add to the romance level of the date, and they’re good exercise too. It’s a win-win-win! Terry loves romance.” Terry puffed up his chest in pride.

“Alright, I get it, you’re the king of dates. How do I sign up, and more importantly, how do I make sure I don’t embarrass myself in front of Amy?”

“I’ll text you the website link in a few, and you won’t embarrass yourself, Jake. It’s a class for beginners. Everyone’s in the same boat. Just let yourself have fun, and Amy will have fun too, okay?”

“If you say so, Sarge,” Jake said. “Thanks. I really appreciate your advice.”

“Anytime, Jake!”

———

“Jake, this is so cheesy,” Amy said a few nights later when they pulled into the parking lot of the dance studio.

“Is it, though? Or is it… romantic?” Jake paused for dramatic effect.

“It’s cheesy,” Amy deadpanned.

“Just trust me, okay? This is going to be fun. We’re going to have fun, I promise.”

“Alright, Jake, whatever you say,” Amy said, following Jake into the building.

After signing in at the front desk, Jake and Amy chose a spot in the back of the room, their eyes wandering around to scope out their classmates. Their instructor walked in a moment later, plugging his phone into the speakers and pressing play on a calming playlist. He led them in a series of stretches, and Jake pretended not to notice the popping sounds his joints made as he followed the instructor’s movements.

What he did notice during a particularly painful stretch, though, was a bag of cocaine peeking out of the pocket of the instructor’s leather jacket that he’d taken off and hung around the back of a chair before the class had begun.

“Ames,” Jake whispered when they’d returned to a standing position. “The teacher guy has cocaine in his jacket pocket.”

“Damn it,” she muttered. “We have to text the squad.”

“Or we could just let this go? For the sake of the date?” Jake asked, hope evident in his voice before he admitted defeat when he saw the look on Amy’s face. “Yeah, no, we have to call this in.” He stepped away from the group during a five minute water break and sent a quick text to Captain Holt.

Just as the instructor began to reorganize the group into lines of partners, the door banged open and Charles and Rosa ran in, Rosa yelling “NYPD, you’re under arrest!” and Charles running up to the guy and handcuffing his hands behind his back.

“What is this about? I didn’t do anything wrong, officers,” he protested.

“Then why do you have a bag of cocaine in your jacket pocket?” Charles asked, holding it up carefully in between two fingers.

“Damn it,” the instructor muttered. “I knew I forgot to do something before I taught this class.”

“Thanks for the tip, Jake!” Rosa said. “Sorry we ruined your date.”

“It’s fine, Rosa,” Jake replied.

Rosa and Charles led him out of the room in handcuffs as the woman working at the front desk ran in to assure everyone that they’d receive a full refund and a discount code for a future class at the studio.

“Why do our jobs have to interfere with our lives so much?” Jake said to himself as he and Amy followed the group out the door.

———

“You arrested the dance instructor?!” Terry asked in shock the next morning. “What the hell, man? I put in a good word for you! You’re going to ruin my reputation over there.”

“You think I wanted to ruin my date, Terry?!” Jake replied, arms flailing. “Now that’s three dates that have been ruined.”

Terry patted Jake’s shoulder gently, or at least what Terry thought was gently. “ There, there. And hey, look on the bright side - at least you didn’t embarrass yourself in front of Amy!”

4

“Alright, Rosa, you and Boyle interrupted my date last night, and I don’t trust Boyle to recommend dates for Amy and me anymore, so where do you think I should take Amy on a date next?”

“I don’t know, Jake, take her to a binder store or something,” Rosa replied calmly as she sharpened her favorite knife at her desk.

“I can’t take her to a binder store, Rosa, you know that she’s going to want to buy like everything and that’s going to get out of control way too quickly. Something else.” Jake crossed his arms, chewing his lip to use up some of his nervous energy.

“Fine, Jake. Take her to one of those paint your own pottery places. Those are always fun.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or making fun of me.”

Rosa paused, glancing up at Jake for a moment before returning her gaze to her knife. “I’m serious. I take myself out to those places all the time. I like painting the little puppy figurines, they’re so cute,” she replied in a deadpan.

“Rosa, oh my God, who are you? How did I never know that about you?”

She shrugged. “You never asked.”

———

Jake had butterflies in his stomach as they walked up to the doors of Color Me Mine, the late summer afternoon sun warming the pavement. He almost was too afraid to look over at Amy, but since his eyes were almost magnetically drawn to her, not looking at her was not an option. When he finally did turn toward her, she was smiling softly, and Jake’s pre-date nerves gradually eased until he was grinning, too.

“I love Color Me Mine!” Amy said. “I used to come here all the time when I was younger.” She reached for the door handle and opened it, the air conditioning cooling them instantly as they walked inside. “We should paint something for each other, babe.”

“Like what? Dog figurines?”

“No!” Amy said, her eyebrows furrowed. “Something practical that we both use at work every day, like…” She paused, eyes wandering around the room in search of the perfect item. “Like a mug!”

Before Jake could protest that hey, maybe he wanted to paint a dog figurine for his desk, Amy had crossed the room and picked up the display mug. “This is perfect, Jake! This was such a good date idea.”

“Don’t thank me, thank Rosa — I mean, thank me, it was all my idea.” Jake tried to cover up his mistake, but Amy’s smirk told him she saw right through it.

She set the mug back down before standing on her tiptoes and giving Jake a kiss on the cheek. “Come on, let’s go pick out our paints.”

“Okay,” Jake said softly, following her to the paint display.

———

Once Jake and Amy chose paints for each other (purple and blue for Jake; orange, yellow, and pink for Amy), they sat down at a small round table in the back of the room. Amy, ever the perfectionist, insisted they paint in silence for a while to ensure that the mug she painted for Jake turned out exactly the way she wanted it to. Jake was touched, and as he worked just as diligently on his mug for Amy, he found that the silence was a comfortable one, and he was content to just be in Amy’s presence.

Jake was just putting the finishing touches on the mug, trying not to let his hand shake too much as he painted Amy’s name on it in thin dark magenta lettering, when the sound of pottery shattering startled him, completely breaking his concentration. When he looked away from a crying child and his profusely apologetic mother, he noticed that not only had he completely ruined the lettering, he’d also bumped into the table, knocking over the water bowl which had spilled all over Amy’s lap.

Jake’s heart sank, knowing he’d managed to ruin yet another date. “I’m so sorry, Ames, I didn’t mean to ruin… all of this,” he said quietly, afraid to look at her face.

“Jake, it’s fine. These jeans are old anyway, and it didn’t really didn’t do that much to your mug,” Amy said, lifting the mug off of the brown paper tablecloth.

“No, it’s not fine. I had one job, and it was to not to screw up yet another date.” He could feel the volume of his voice rising so he took a deep breath, determined not to make the entire room of painters stare at him and Amy. “I’ll go get you some paper towels.”

Amy insisted that they stay to finish up their mugs, and even though she didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the night, Jake couldn’t help but blame himself.

5

“Hey, Captain,” Jake began, closing Captain Holt’s office door behind him as he walked in. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. Is this about the paperwork that was due on my desk yesterday that you did not finish before leaving to take Amy on another romantic escapade?” Holt asked, folding his hands with his pen still clasped between them.

“Uhhhhh, no?” He smiled sheepishly. “Anyway, since Amy looks up to you more than anyone else and you know her better than anyone else except for me, because, yaknow, we boink, and stuff —” Jake winced at his own awkwardness, but forced himself to continue. “—do you have a good recommendation for somewhere I can take Amy on a date? Preferably something that I can’t possibly screw up somehow.”

“Hm. There’s the new stationery exhibit at the MOMA that she would definitely like. Make sure you budget a lot of time; Kevin and I spent five hours there last week and we still did not manage to see everything.”

“Yikes,” Jake muttered to himself.

“Did you say something, Peralta?” Holt asked.

“Oh, uh, um, why didn’t you and Kevin stay longer?” Jake asked quickly.

“Oh, the security guards kicked us out. Apparently we’d completely missed the announcements and had managed to avoid security for a whole half an hour after the museum closed for the night.”

“Of course you did,” Jake said. “Anyways, thank you so much for your help, sir, I really appreciate it.”

“If you really appreciated it, you would have your paperwork on my desk on time,” Holt replied.

“You know what, fair.”

———

After finishing his overdue paperwork and all of his new paperwork for the day, Jake took Amy to the Museum of Modern Art and led her to the exhibit Captain Holt had told him about. The grin on her face rivaled the brightness of the lights in the building, and Jake was in… well, he had a heck of a lot of mushy feelings about it.

“How did you know I’ve wanted to come here ever since they announced this exhibit a few months ago? I never mentioned it to you,” Amy asked.

“I just know you that well, babe,” Jake replied, only feeling a smidge of guilt for taking credit for Captain Holt’s recommendation.

“Captain Holt told you about it, didn’t he?” Amy said, crossing her arms and turning to Jake.

“Okay, yeah, but still! I know you well enough to ask Captain Holt for recommendations!” Amy’s eyes narrowed, but her smile remained, letting Jake know she was joking. “Come on, let’s look at the fancy paper!”

“Stationery, babe,” Amy corrected.

“Fancy paper!” Amy rolled her eyes as they entered the exhibit.

———

Jake managed to feign enthusiasm for the first hour or so (he even felt it genuinely for a little while because Amy bled excitement as she explained each and every piece of stationery to him), but once he realized how much longer they had to go before finishing the exhibit, he felt his carefully controlled expression start to slip a little bit. He liked Amy a lot, and he wanted to enjoy this for her, but he just couldn’t. Still, he planned on enduring Amy’s long explanations for as long as she wanted to stay, because this date was for her and he was determined not to somehow mess it up.

“You’re bored, aren’t you,” Amy said after a while.

“What? No.”

“You keep staring out into space and saying ‘uh huh’ every three seconds.”

“I was contemplating the beauty of this piece of fancy paper!” Jake insisted, gesturing at the piece that Amy was explaining. Or at least, the one he thought she had been explaining.

“Well, I was talking about this piece,” Amy said, tilting her head toward the one adjacent to the one Jake had been referring to, “so clearly you weren’t listening.”

Jake looked down at the floor, unable to look Amy in the eye. “I’m happy to see that you’re so interested, and I love… listening to you talk for hours on end about whatever you want, I’m just really not that interested in stationery. But really, we can stay as long as you want, I don’t mind. Keep talking to me.”

“No, Jake, I can’t do that to you. You’ve already stuck this out with me long enough. I can just come back another time on my own; you know I have a membership.”

“Ames —”

“Really, Jake, it’s okay,” Amy said, linking her arm with Jake’s. “Let’s go home and watch a movie or something and go to bed early.”

“Okay,” Jake said. “But only if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

Jake had never felt this much guilt in his life.

+1

“Hey, Jake?” Amy said as she slid under the covers of her bed later that night. “I really appreciate what you’ve been trying to do for me by taking me on all of these sweet dates and making our first summer together extra special. But really, babe, I’m just happy being with you. You don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself.”

“But Ames, I managed to ruin every single one of those dates. You deserve better than five disaster dates in a row,” Jake replied, eyes turning down toward his lap in humiliation.

“Jake, I’m serious. Stop doing this to yourself.” Jake looked up at Amy and they locked eyes in silent communication of mutual adoration for a moment before Amy reached over and took Jake’s hand in hers. “You don’t have to prove that you deserve me or anything. I just want to spend time with you and enjoy our first summer as more than coworkers. Can we do that?”

“Yes, Amy, we can do that.” He squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back.

“But hypothetically,” he continued, their hands still intertwined, “if I were to take you on another date to really make up for all of the other ones this time, what would you want to do together?”

Amy smiled. “Thank you for asking, Jake. I was thinking we could plan a beach getaway for next weekend. I already have an itinerary all ready to go in this binder.” She reached into the drawer in the bedside table next to her and pulled out a thick binder titled Jake and Amy’s Beach Getaway, handing it to Jake, who opened it carefully.

“Ames, why didn’t you tell me about this?” He flipped through the pages, smiling at Amy’s thoughtfulness. She’d really thought of everything - boardwalk rides and arcade games for Jake, relaxing and reading on the beach for Amy, and massages for the both of them. Jake’s heart was full.

Amy shrugged. “I was waiting for the right time, I guess. I didn’t want to interfere with the dates you’d already planned.”

“We could have done this ages ago! I’ve been asking the squad for date ideas for weeks because everything that I thought of was along the same lines as the Die Hard drive-in idea.” Amy laughed. “I wish you’d mentioned this earlier, but I’m excited for us to make it happen now.”

“Me too, Jake.”

———

Thankfully, Captain Holt granted Jake and Amy’s request to take the next weekend off, and together they drove to the beach house they’d rented for the weekend. They’d made a playlist before they left, and they’d spent the drive singing along terribly to Carly Rae Jepsen and Sara Bareilles and a bunch of random 80s songs that Jake had added.

After what felt like ages but was really just a few hours, Jake and Amy lay next to each other on the beach, enjoying the warm sun and the clear blue sky. It was surprisingly less crowded than Jake expected it would be on a Friday afternoon, but it gave them plenty of space on the beach, so Jake wasn’t complaining. Later, they planned to walk the boardwalk together and waste some money on the fun but endlessly stupid arcade games, and Jake couldn’t wait to win some giant stuffed animals for Amy.

She’d been right, of course. This was the perfect date, the perfect way to celebrate their first summer together as a couple. Jake should have asked her what she was thinking from the very beginning instead of trying to be romantic and plan everything himself. There were many benefits to dating an extreme planner like Amy, and this was definitely one of them.

Jake leaned over and nudged Amy awake from the half-asleep state she’d fallen into, kissing her softly. “Thank you for planning all of this for us. I’m so happy to be here with you.”

Amy smiled, lowering her sunglasses for a moment. “I’m so happy to be here with you, too.” She reached for the water bottle next to her and handed Jake the bottle of orange soda he’d bought at the vending machine earlier. “Here’s to our first summer together.” She gently tapped Jake’s bottle with her own.

Jake returned the gesture. “Here’s to hopefully the first of many.”

They each took a sip.

[stella-monstrum]

Rob Zombie; "Why it's time to step outside the confinements of his own box."

For close to four decades,

 Rob Zombie has brought nonstop psychedelic grooves and a rockstar presence while gracing his own music and the silver screen with gut-churning, drug-tripping visuals. He not only commands quite the presence in films (whether his own successes or others’), but also makes appearances within many other horror soundtracks. There’s no denying that Zombie is a bloodied savant who has stayed incredibly consistent. 

[ᴿᵒᵇ ᶻᵒᵐᵇᶦᵉ. ⁽ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ: ᴳᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ ᴵᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ⁾]

(Written by Stella, edited by Jacob J.)

(Side note; tumblr’s photo formatting is a pain)

Let’s take a dive into his music before getting into his film library. From 1985-1997, White Zombie released six albums (between studio and compilations). La Sexorcisto: Devil Music Volume One didn’t break into the Billboard 200 chart until a year after its 1992 release. Shortly thereafter, it became the hot and groovy bong success of the band, going on to sell two million copies. Astro Creep 2000, their final and fourth studio release, was their first and only album to chart within the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 in 1995. Up to this day in 2020, “White Zombie” has been featured in 47 TV, film, and video game soundtracks, from Beavis & Butthead to Pen15 to Bride Of Chucky (which includes a personal favorite moment of mine), amongst many others.

After the disbandment and separation, Zombie continued on his solo journey. He has gone on to release six studio albums, with a seventh on the way in March 2021, titled The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy. A multitude of hits���eight to be exact—sat within the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 records. 

══════════════════

Zombie’s extensive film career is a “Super Beast” on its own. 

He has been very vocal about gaining inspiration from 1920s-1980s horror culture. In many interviews, he’s cited Stan Lee, Bella Lugosi, Alice Cooper, and Steven Speilberg as being responsible for molding the brain that we know today. 

Some of his influences include:

George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (1978)

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) 

The Shining (1980)

Zombie’s upbringing in the carnival industry alongside his family is another key influence.

[[I’ll only be focusing on Zombie’s live-action films here.]]

══════════════════

In 2000, Rob made his directorial and (very memorable) screen debut with House Of 1000 Corpses. 

It took three years to be released because of quarrels with major production companies regarding the film’s majorly aggressive themes of torture, blood, violence, sex—not to mention his arrogance with MGM, fighting to get rights back from Universal. Eventually, Lionsgate bit the bullet, albeit with the major stipulation of having Rob edit it down much further so House could pass with a “tame” R rating. 

[[House of 1000 Corpses: Rainn Wilson as taxidermy merman (Source: Tumblr—and if you’re brave, you can view the scene here.)]]

══════════════════

In 2005 and 2019, the franchise’s next two installments—Devil’s Rejects and 3 From Hell—were released. The franchise is heavily influenced by the shocking, sickening, and unforgettable ’70s classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It follows a family of psychotic, sadistic, and bloodthirsty (if I’m being honest) necrophiliacs. They kidnap, kill, torture and brutalize anyone who gets in their way. At the end of Devil’s Rejects, they somehow manage to survive a police shootout, escape prison, and waltz on into Mexico (as seen in the franchise finale 3 from Hell).

Look, it’s all complicated.

Main Characters from the franchise:

Captain Spaulding—Sid Haig

Baby Firefly—Sheri Moon Zombie

Otis B. Driftwood—Bill Moseley 

Momma Firefly—Karen Black (recast as Leslie Easterbrook after Karen’s passing)

(Other notable appearances throughout: Chris Hardwick, Rainn Wilson, Danny Trejo, Dee Wallace, Ken Foree, and Diamond Dallas Page.)

⁽“ʰᵒᵘˢᵉˢ ᵗʳⁱˡᵒᵍʸ”, ᵈᵛᵈ ˢᵉᵗ﹔ ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹔ ᵗᵃʳᵍᵉᵗ.ᶜᵒᵐ⁾

══════════════════

The notorious/controversial Halloween (John Carpenter, 1978) remakes from 2007 and 2009.

(ᵃ ᵛⁱᵉʷ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵒˣ ᵃʳᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ ʳᵉᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ⁽ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹕ ᵃᵐᵃᶻᵒⁿ⁾)

Look, this is a remake that you either adore or hate with a burning passion. If you’re a horror fanatic, you know what’s up with the original.

I personally adore Zombie’s take. The fact alone that he gave us an entire background story as to why Michael became the psychotic slasher that we’ve come to know and love. Plus, with an increased suspense and gore factor? Worked incredibly well and did justice (in my opinion).

The film made me feel bad for Michael, with moments of child Myers in therapy, particularly his love for making masks to pass the time while he was locked up and the touching family moments between him and his mother Deborah (Sheri Moon).

ᵈᵉᵇᵒʳᵃʰ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐⁱᶜʰᵃᵉˡ ᵐᵉʸᵉʳˢ ⁱⁿ ʲᵃⁱˡ ᵗʰᵉʳᵃᵖʸ. ⁽ˢᶜʳᵉᵉⁿᶜᵃᵖ, ʰᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ. ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹕ ᵍᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ⁾

[Michael’s cell in the 2007 Halloween remake. (Source: Google)]

Add in the supporting cast of Michael McDowell (Loomis), Brad Douriff (Sheriff Leigh), Scout Taylor-Compton (Laurie Strode), etc., and I honestly think that it came together very well as a remake.

The films rated relatively low, but they did gross higher than the budgets that they originally had to film on. Again, I’m not going to give much attention to the higher-ups of critical perception—it all comes down to personal taste.

══════════════════

“Lords of Salem” (2013) 

[[Promotional art for Lords of Salem. (Souce: Google Images)]]

A film that’s centered within Salem, Massachusetts, 

this film—you guessed it—tackles witches, occultism, possession, Satan, and all the usual topics. Heidi (Sherri Moon) is a radio DJ who gets sent a mysterious record that’s labeled as being from “The Lords.” From then on out, shit gets a little dicey and admittedly, very disjointed. You can’t fault the cast here, and I loved the visuals that they were going for. However, with set schedule conflicts and multiple rewrites, which led to essentially running out of time to film? As a whole, what looked great on paper just couldn’t be done justice.

My FAVORITE sequence within the film (SPOILERS): 

I can forgive the disjointedness solely because of how mind-boggling and brilliant the film’s history and proper visuals were. Also, we got to see Dee Wallace, Judy Geeson, and Patricia Quinn as creepy and badass witches who moonlight as Heidi’s landlords. Also Meg Foster who leads their coven? Can we talk about what a femme-fueled power cast that is?!

[[Left to right: Patricia Quinn as Megan, Dee Wallace as Sonny, and Judy Geeson as Lacy Doyle. (Screencap, Lords of Salem. Source: Google) ]]

[[Meg Foster as coven leader Margaret Morgan. (Screencap, Lords of Salem. Source; google)]]

Like I said prior, the film gets a little wild. If you’re...well, buzzed prior to watching, it may make a little more sense. 

══════════════════

“31” (2016)

[[Film poster for 31 (Source: Google)]]

[Synopsis from IMDB; “Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, hellish compound where they are forced to participate in a violent game, the goal of which is to survive twelve hours against a gang of sadistic clowns.”]

Here, we clearly see that Zombie is invoking his childhood growing up within carnivals. In a 2013 interview with LA Weekly, Zombie divulged more about it:

“When we were kids, my parents would [work at the carnivals], and me and my brother would get dragged along to these things all the time and have to work.”

He went further on to say;

 “Yeah, and it's not the nicest world. As a kid, you get exposed to the crazier underworld of the carnival. Me and my brother, when we were very little, we'd be inside the haunted house playing all day. So, already, what people are paying money to be scared [of], we're just playing in because it's fun. We saw the inner workings behind the machines.”

(”31″ trailer, source; Youtube)

Once again in this film, Zombie brings a powerhouse cast:

Jeff Daniel Phillips as Roscoe Pepper

Meg Foster as Venus Virgo

Malcom McDowell as Father Murder

Judy Geeson as Sister Dragon

Richard Brake as Doom Head

You can view the entire cast at IMDB here.

Set in 1976, Zombie stays true to his nods. Again, depending on taste, this is a huge hit or a wild miss with mindless homicidal violence, campiness, and climbs across the monkey bar of standards that we’re used to seeing from him.

══════════════════

So at this point, you’re probably wondering why I think that it’s time for Rob Zombie to step out of the confinements of his own box...

══════════════════

It’s no secret that Zombie sticks to only a small group of tropes: 

Slashers, families or groups of homicidals that lack remorse, the occult, etc. There’s no shame in sticking to what you know. Hell, Zombie has seemingly cracked the code over the past two decades that he’s been in the film industry that so many directors still don’t seem to get.

IMO, despite whatever you personally feel about the films mentioned above- I feel like we’re living a freaky groundhog day repeat within Zombie’s filmography. 

══════════════════

Now, if it ain’t broke, why fix it? Look, I’m not saying that Zombie has to change anything. However, I would love to see him tackle some other nuances that we’ve already seen from him in small doses.

- Children: We haven’t seen Zombie exactly take on what horror films depict kids as. Sure, he made a breakout and impeccable choice with young Michael Myers (Daeg Faerch) back in 2007. I personally would adore to see a reimagined (NOT remade) Children of the Corn on acid, one we all know Zombie can tackle and turn every existing view on its head.

- Witchcraft, The Occult, Satan, Voodoo:  Zombie genuinely had a phenomenal concept (on paper) for 2012’s Lords of Salem. It was unfortunate that they ran out of resources and ran into unfortunate circumstances on set while filming. 

The film wasn’t a total tank, though, given how inspiring and insane all the visuals were throughout the 1 hr, 41min film. I am absolutely positive that, given a full-force opportunity, Rob could rectify the mess that was out of his control. We completely saw that he provided visuals that left quite the impression, and he could take those taboo subjects by the goat horns.

- Animals (not the human form): It’s no secret that Rob and his wife Sherri are ethical vegetarians. It would be so tongue and cheek to see them take on such topics as animals getting their revenge, or even vegetarians torturing carnivores. This twist on the formula would make for an interesting viewing.

══════════════════

2.) In regard to time periods, 

Zombie stays within—and pays homage to—the 1970s and 1980s quite a bit. Obviously, those are the eras that Zombie personally loves the most when it comes to filmmaking. However, it would be very interesting to see him take on current day settings. 

Zombie has such a unique viewpoint. Given changing climates in politics, human decline/growth, the economy, etc., he would do work that could easily put Ryan Murphy to shame.

══════════════════

3.) He could also do with some different casting every now and then.

Let me preface this by saying that I adore every repeat casting choice that Zombie has made for his films. 

Of course chemistry is a huge thing, and sticking to his friends is a very smart choice. However, he also has the potential to make new stars, boosting the power of those that may be under the radar. He can support those new stars with cameos from classic actors that we haven’t seen in awhile. I can’t begin to even fictionally cast those who fit the bill, but I do believe that with the “Zombie Touch,” he can bring so much more fresh air to the usual casting.

══════════════════

There’s no doubting what Rob Zombie is clearly very good at. Despite mixed reviews from the horror world and critics, it’s time that his fans open their eyes to new possibilities. Of course, there are die-hards, but digging your feet in further doesn’t allow the growth of horror and its ever evolving themes.

[[ʳᵒᵇ ᶻᵒᵐᵇⁱᵉ, ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹔ ᵍᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ ⁱᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ]]

This theory has been on my mind for a very long time—since 3 from Hell came out. I’m sure, in his usual fashion, we won’t be seeing any new films from Rob anytime soon (what with his new album set to release in March 2021, not to mention the toll that the pandemic has had on Hollywood.)

Still, it never hurts to challenge the set standards and ways.

[sebeth]

Young Justice: Denial, Cold Case, Hot Case

Episode 7: “Denial”

July 27th: Kent Nelson enters the parlor of Madame Xanadu. Madame offers to make contact with Kent’s deceased wife, Inza, if “fate be so kind”.

Kent responds: “But he so rarely is.”

Kent laughs at Xanadu’s attempt to contact his wife: “That was supposed to be my wife? Heck, my little spitfire would have kicked my can for throwing away good money on you.”

Kent criticizes Madame Xanadu for her fakery: “A shame, too.  You have the perfect aura for the work.”

An interesting choice on the writers’ parts to make Madame Xanadu a charlatan.  She would be tied with Dream Girl as the most famous pre-cog in the DC Universe.  They did allow themselves room to re-introduce her as a genuine pre-cog with the “you have the perfect aura for the work” comment.

Kent is kidnapped from the parlor.

We return to the comic book series for the 9th and 10th issue, “Cold Case” and “Hot Case”, a spotlight on the origin of Captain Atom.

August 13:

School is in session for the team as Captain Atom gives a lecture on subterfuge and infiltration. Kaldur is the only member actively taking notes.  Robin’s rolling his eyes, Superboy’s yawning and stretching, Wally’s stuffing his face, and the girls are polite in their expressions of boredom.

The team’s reactions ring true.  Conner and Wally are self-aware enough to realize subterfuge will never be one of their strengths.  Dick’s heard the same lecture a million times from the Batman. Kaldur is serious and a former military man – he knows the value of training and intel.  M’gann is most likely thinking to herself “telepathing, shape-shifting, can turn invisible Martian here – we wrote the book on subterfuge”, and Artemis is wondering why she signed up for the team if it involves more schoolwork.

Captain Atom, a man encased in shiny metal, may seem like an odd choice for a lecture on subterfuge and infiltration, until you realize his pre-hero background in military intelligence.

Atom stops his lecture: “This is boring, isn’t it?”

Megan attempts to reassure the Captain but the always blunt Conner interrupts with “Yeah, boring”.

Captain Atom proposes a field exercise: “This is a cold case. Vietnam era. Captain Nathaniel Adams, United States Air Force. Convicted in 1968 of murdering Air Force General Clement Lemar. Adams died in prison. But I’ve received a reliable tip he was framed. Your assignment: investigate. Prove Adams’ innocence or reconfirm his guilt and report back to me.”

Conner interjects: “Really? You need super-powered operatives for this?”

Atom offers to resume the lecture but the team decides on the field exercise.

The team doesn’t realize it but Captain Atom has revealed his secret identity and part of his origin story.  Nathaniel Adam was part of a secret experiment that transformed him into Captain Atom and catapulted him decades into the future.  The frame-up/died in prison was used as a way to explain Nathanial’s presumed death.

DC Comics purchased several comic book publishers during the 1970s and 1980s.  The most famous companies were Fawcett, Charlatan, and Quality. The purchases caused DC cast of characters to rapidly expand.  Notable characters from the purchases included the Captain Marvel Family, Plastic Man, Blue Beetle, the Blackhawks, the Question, and many others.

DC assigned the various companies’ characters their own earths in the multiverse: Earth-F, etc. Their villains, supporting characters, and continuing adventures each happened on their own earth.  The new to the DC Universe characters would occasionally interact with the mainstream DC earth.

DC decided the DC multiverse had become too complex by the mid-1980s.  I’m not sure why as I was between 6 to 8 years old during this time and I had no trouble following along with the various worlds. Sorry, reboots make me bitter.  We lose more than we gain in every time.  Any characters created in the reboots – Tim, Conner, Bart, Kyle – could have still been created without half-assed reboots.

Back on point, DC created the “Crisis On Infinite Earths”. Despite my dislike of reboots, “Crisis” is an excellent story and a must read for any DC fan.  Great writing, gorgeous art, and fabulous character moments.  

Post-Crisis, there was only one earth.  Captain Atom was re-launched into his own solo title.  He had notable romances with Nightshade and Plastique. Atom’s main foe was Major Force whose later actions would later name the “Women in Refrigerators” trope.  Captain Atom also served as the long-suffering leader of Justice League Europe. Atom was the inspiration for the “Doctor Manhattan” character in the Watchmen

Atom’s downfall would be known as “Armageddon”. He was intended to be the villain behind it. The plot reveal was leaked and the writers hastily changed the villain’s identity to Hawk (Hank Hall) – which made less sense than the choice of Captain Atom.

I dislike “hero goes bad” or “villain goes good” stories.  They are rarely done well.  In hero cases, the writers go to extremes – downfall of Hal Jordan, anyone? In villain cases, the bad guy has become popular, so the writers change him into a good guy and ignore the atrocities they’ve committed – I’m looking at you, Harley Quinn. Particularly the Harley in the Injustice universe.

Captain Atom never recovered from the “Armageddon” debacle.  He would make sporadic appearances but nothing too memorable until the “Captain Atom: Armageddon” mini-series that led to the decimation of the Wildstorm universe.

A disguised Megan enters the Pentagon to interview General Wade Eiling, the judge at Nathanial’s court martial. Wade sums up Adams as a “malcontent” who blamed his “victim Lemar for a Viet Cong ambush” and Adams “was caught in the act by an M.P. Sergeant Polk”. Eiling, a Colonel at the time, found Adams guilty and sentenced him to life in prison.  Adams “took his own life before a year was out”.

Robin easedrops from the ceiling.

Wally and Conner pose as journalism students in order to interview a Lieutenant Yarrow at a casino in Las Vegas.  Conner clearly doesn’t care about subterfuge – at all – as he is still wearing the Superboy shirt.  Wally is in his civilian attire.

The dealer reminds the boys “no one under twenty-one” is allowed in the casino.  Conner questions if “under 21” counts “in weeks or months”.

Wally’s excited by the “$4.95 all-you-can-eat buffet”: “My kind of town!”  Buffets are a true blessing for speedsters, their metabolisms, and their budgets.  Not so much for the owners of said buffets.

Lt. Yarrow was Adams’ defense council: “His friend too. Served together in ‘Nam. The only survivors of Hill 409.”

Yarrow continues “Nate worked Air Force Intelligence. He suspected a weapons smuggling ring and confided as much to General Lemar. Lemar claimed to have heard rumors too. Ordered Nate to take a squad to Hill 409. It was an ambush. Nate saved my life. The rest of Nate’s men weren’t so lucky. Nate became convinced Lemar was part of the smuggling ring and had sent us into the ambush. I tried to talk him out of it but Nate insisted on confronting Lemar only to black out moments later. Later, Nate would insist he had been drugged. And I believed him. Cuz there’s no way the Nathianel Adams I knew would murder a man in cold blood!”

“I took on Nate’s defense but the prosecutor Lieutenant Kevin Blankly proved Nate’s service knife was the murder weapon.  And the medical examiner, Major Shirley Mason testified there were no drugs in Nate’s system. So the judge found Nate guilty and sentenced him to life in prison. And that’s where Nate died. But get this…that judge, Colonel Wade Eiling, he married Nate’s widow and raised Nate’s two kids as his own!”

Wade Eiling would be a thorn in Nathaniel’s side throughout the Captain Atom series.  Wade didn’t transform into a full-fledged villain until the Morrison Era JLA where he merged with the Shaggy Man and ran amuck as the “General”.

Robin decides the next step is to interview Shirley Mason. Dick and Megan arrive at the Arlington home of Mason only to discover her corpse.

Dick notes: “She’s got something in her hand. I don’t want to disturb the crime scene, but we need to see what it is.”

Trained protégé of Batman speaking!

Megan levitates the corpse so Robin can view the picture in Mason’s hand. The photo is a group shot of military personnel.

Kaldur and Artemis meet with Nathaniel’s children in Honolulu.

Peggy firmly believes in her father’s innocence, as did her mother, but Randy does not: “Wade Eiling is our father. He raised us. Adams gave up any parental rights the day he betrayed our country and murdered his superior officer.”

It should be noted Randy has joined a military branch – possibly the Air Force.

Peggy was born after her father’s death so she must have learned her firm belief in her father’s innocence from her mother.

Angela Adams, Nathaniel’s wife, firmly believed in Nathaniel’s innocence but went on to marry the man that sentenced him to prison? Weird.

Artemis doesn’t empathize with Peggy’s belief in her father: “Biology hardly guarantees parental skills or even basic honesty.”

Kaldur tells Artemis of his parents: “My mother, Sha’lain’a, is a native of the Atlantean city-state of Shayeris. Her skin is nearly as golden as her hair and her gills are quite large and gorgeous. My father, Calvin Durham, is a surface-worlder like you, genetically altered by Black Manta to infiltrate Atlantis as a water-breather.”

“Your dad works for Black Manta?”

“He did. But his love for my mother caused him to switch sides.”

Kaldur doesn’t realize it but there are a few important details he hasn’t been told about his parents’ romance.

If you only watched the cartoon and never read the comic books, you missed the foreshadowing that justified Kaldur’s villainous role in season two.

Dick, Megan, Wally, and Conner are in Annapolis.

Dick has identified the people in the photo.

Megan has a question: “I know my grasp of Earth history is largely based on Earth sitcoms but why would a North Vietnamese General be in a 1968 photograph with U.S. personnel?”

Someone needs to hand Megan some history books!

The group is outside General Tang’s mansion. Conner realizes another man is in the mansion and he is carrying a sword.

Conner and Wally are ready to rush in but Dick holds the duo back: “This is a covert op. We keep to the shadows. We don’t take the offensive. Like in Captain Atom’s lecture.”

Wally is shocked that Dick was actually listening to the lecture.

An invisible Megan enters the home.

Trang converses with the man: “I know why you are here. I still have my sources. I know about Mason, and I know your work. But I am disappointed, Rako. I have protected you since you were a child. Have you no loyalty?”

Rako goes for the kill but is stopped by Megan.

Conner storms in and is shocked when Rako’s sword cuts him: “I’m…I’m bleeding?”

The group battle Rako but are unable to prevent Trang’s murder. Rako escapes in the confusion.

August 14, Metropolis: The reunited team meet in a Metropolis diner.

Superboy is still shocked over his wound but insists “It’s a scratch. I’m fine. Move on.”

Facial recognition software has identified the individuals in the photograph:

1)      Lt. Kevin Blankly, USAF

2)      Lt. Henry Yarrow, USAF

3)      Alec Rois, CIA

4)      General Clement Lemar, USAF

5)      Major Shirley Mason, USAF

6)      General Duk Trang, NVA

7)      Sgt. Ends Polk, USAF

8)      Unknown child

The group theorizes the “unknown child” is Rako and that’s he been sent to tie up the “loose ends” in the Adams case.

Kaldur divides the team in half – Dick, Conner, and Wally will head to Las Vegas to protect Yarrow while the rest remain in Metropolis to investigate Polk.

The trio arrive in Las Vegas only to witness Yarrow’s house explode. Yarrow was killed in the explosion. The boys identify Yarrow by a tattoo on his arm.

The team reunites in St. George to confront the trio behind the recent deaths: Rois, Rako, and a not dead Henry Yarrow. The team quickly captures the trio. Yarrow dies – for real this time – in the fight.

The team returns to Mount Justice to report their findings: The accusations and resulting frame-up of Admas was to cover a weapons smuggling ring. Wade Eiling was the only one involved in the trial who wasn’t a member of the smuggling ring.

Kaldur and Artemis fly to Honolulu to inform the Adams kids of their father’s innocence.

Nathan and Wade mend fences over their preconceived notions of the other’s guilt. Wade informs Nathan: “Let me reintroduce you to your kids”.

The issue ends with Rois and Rako escaping from prison and meeting up with Wade. Turns out, Wade was in charge of the entire smuggling ring. He wasn’t in the picture because he took the picture!

Wade: “Captain Atom is my new best friend. Which should serve us well in the days ahead.”

An intriguing plotline that never received any follow up.

We return to “Denial”:

August 19th: The team participates in combat training.  More to the point, Kaldur and a shirtless Conner spar.  Artemis tries to persuade M’gann to ask Kaldur out.  Good Luck, Artemis, Megan has her obsession locked in and she is not veering from the course.

Megan attempts to veer Artemis towards Wally: “You’re so full of passion, and he’s so full of..”

Artemis interjects with “It?”

I enjoy the competition between the girls over Conner and mostly for the fact that the ladies don’t let it interfere with their friendship.  

Why is Conner shirtless? Is he showing off for the ladies? Kaldur kept his shirt on!

Poor Dick, as the youngest, is left out of the hormone competition.  Don’t worry, Dick, you will grow up to become DC’s premier knockout.

Conner wins the round: “Black Canary taught me that.” Conner must be taking his training seriously as Kaldur would be one of the more experienced members in hand-to-hand combat due to his Atlantean military background.

Red Tornado enters. Wally wants a mission assignment. He mentions that Robin and Batman are in Gotham City doing the “Dynamic Duo thing”.

We’ll put “Denial” on pause as the next two issues of the Young Justice comic start at this point.

Up next: Batman, Robin, Ras’s al Ghul, Clayface and the most multi-faceted portrayal of Talia ever!

[a34trgv2]

Why It Worked: Drake & Josh

Intro: Drake & Josh was a sitcom on Nickelodeon created by Dan Schneider that had 4 seasons, totaling in 57 episodes with 2 TV movies and ran from January 11, 2004 to September 16, 2007 before officially capping off with the TV movie, Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh released on December 5, 2008. The show starred Drake Bell, Josh Peck, Miranda Cosgrove, Nancy Sullivan and Jonathan Goldstein as Drake Parker, Josh Nichols, Megan Parker, Audrey Parker Nichols and Walter Nichols, respectively. The show also featured Yvette Nicole Brown, Alec Medlock, Scott Halberstadt, Allison Scagliotti, Jerry Trainor, Jake Farrow, Julia Duffy and Cathy Shim as Helen Dubois, Craig Ramirez, Eric Blonowitz, Mindy Crenshaw, Crazy Steve, Gavin Mitchell, Mrs. Hayfer, and Leah, respectively. Critics and audiences loved it, earning an 8.8/10 on TV.com and the 2 TV movies recieved mainly positive review from critcs. I bring all this up because I've noticed that of all the shows created by Dan Schneider, this one seems to be the most memorable as well as the most loved. I mean, think about it; iCarly declined in quality after the Seddie arc (yes there were lackluster episodes before, but that's beside the point), hardly anyone brings up Zoey 101 or Victorious, and the less said about Schneider's recent out put, the better. Sure the final seasons of All That was fun, as was The Amanda Show, but when it comes to Drake & Josh, this show has quite the cult following. From various memes, to quotes from the show being used to this day, it really is amazing that this show still stands the test of time over a decade after its initial cancellation. I think this show deserves to be looked at from a critical standpoint, to see if it's as good as fans remember. Welp, let's brake down and answer the question: Why did Drake & Josh work?

Premise and Execution: The premise of this show is rather simple, as per usual with sitcoms. Drake Parker's Mom, Audrey, marries Josh Nichols' Dad, Walter, and the two of them have to learn to get along despite their differences. Given that this is a sitcom, the plots are kept simple and easy to follow as well as budget friendly. The season 3 episode, The Demonator, had Drake, Josh and Megan are waiting in line to get on a rollercoaster while Craig and Eric are watching Josh's great-grandfather. On paper, this sound stupidly boring; but in execution, this is one of the funniest episodes of the show. The way the characters react to the situation they're in is met with precise comedic timing from the actors as well as thoughtfully written jokes from the writing team ( Anthony Del Broccolo and Eric Friedman, respectively). On one hand, it would be insulting to joke about World War 2 veterans with mental health issues; however, the way Papa Nichols acts is just so over the top and goofy, I imagine even veterans could get a good laugh out of it. Comedy aside, the show also has moments of heart and drama, in which the infamous laugh track is muted for a moment of sincerity. One of the most notable examples was in the season 4 episode, Josh is Done, in which Drake has a break down in chemistry class an realizes how much he needs Josh after they had a falling out early in the episode. This is one of many moments in which what little drama this show has hits hard.

Characters: This show's cast of characters are all memberable in their own right as most of them don't always stick to their respective traits. Megan may be devious, manipulative, and sassy, but she's not inherently evil as there are times where she helps Drake and Josh (few and far between, yes but it's better than nothing). Audrey and Walter are pretty much a team whenever they're featured, which isn't often but the running gag about Bruce Winchill is always funny. Helen's a no nonsense boss who dislikes Josh but favors Drake, however she grows to respect Josh a little as the show goes on. Crazy Steve is nuts...and that's it, he's nuts. Everytime he shows up, you never know what he's gonna do and that just adds to the comedy. As said before, Mindy started out as a minor antagonist in the show but became more likable once she started dating Josh. And to save the best for last, Drake and Josh make this show (hence their names in the title). Not only are they a hilarious comedic duo, but their relationship is the driving force behind this show. They may bicker sometimes and not agree on everything, but at the end of the day, they're still brothers. Drake can be greedy, selfish and arrogant sometimes, but every now and then he shows he has a heart and is willing to make right by Josh whenever he messes up big time. Josh is gullible, naive and a nervous wreck, but that's balanced out with his charming optimism, kind nature and helpful attitude. Together, while they have they're differences, Drake and Josh make an inseparable pair when it comes to wacky hijinks and doing the right thing.

Music: Since Drake is a musician, it only makes sense that this show has some songs by him. Sure enough, there are a few that truly stand out. The show's theme song, I Found A Way, is instantly catchy and hooks you into the show. The song, It Makes Me Happy, is a rocking track with a nice upbeat tempo. Even the tranitional score has a nice guitar rthym to it. As great as the music is, its a shame there weren't more memorable tracks (and no the covers for 12 Days of Christmas and Jingle Bells don't count).

Where it falters: Mrs. Hayfer sucks as a character. I get she's meant to be the opposite of Helen, but that just makes her suck even more. She never grows to respect Drake and the fact that Drake wishes for her to be dead is not only out of character for him, but shows that she's not redeemable as a character. The song Drake sings in tge season 1 episode, Believe Me Brother, is not good. It's lazy, boring and badly written and the fact that Drake Bell has already proven to be a greet musician just makes this song even more embarrassing. The season 3 episode Girl Power makes Drake pretty sexist for the sake of the premise. The episode itself is fine, but it's a real disservice to Drake. In the same season, Little Sibling is the weakest of the show because they make Josh to be better than Drake when they're supposed to be a duo. At least it has a happy ending. Finally, while this wasn't the fault of the show, it was just stupid stupid to have the series finale, Really Big Shrimp, air before two Helicopter and Dance Contest. Yeah they were good episodes, but Really Big Shrimp was meant to be the ending of the show (before Merry Christmas, Drake and Josh of course). It's like showing the climax of the film before the set up; narratively, it makes no sense.

Conclusion: Drake & Josh holds up really well after all these years. The jokes were well thought out and on point, the characters are memorable, the theme song and score is catchy, and whenever there's drama, it's earned and felt by the audience. It's definitely Dan Schneider's best show considering it had the fewest mediocre episodes and unlikable characters. Ultimately, this show should be looked fondly upon and seen as the pinnacle of Dan Schneider's career.

[bunnii-recovers]

6/24/17 - moments for life

[toyfrog]

Yes I watched The Kaplan Episode.

Daniel Cerone in my opinion is one of the best character writers in the biz…. I loved Kate Kaplan as a character. But I don’t feel she should’ve been the baddie. And I resent Red shooting her because in my opinion he never would have. He abhorred violence. In Marvin Gerard, spousal abuse crossed the line. So now Kate is a survivor but she’s a bad person?

It does not compute. It’s a heartbreaking twist that will lead Kaplan to join Annie at last. And for what?

To give Tom a story. It is unforgivable to lie to your audience. It’s worse to have others do damage control inyour place because you can’t admit you lied to your viewers.

So, be that as it may..,I’m being asked about Red/Katarina Is he The Dad?

“The Appearance of Truth” is the theme and it’s a cop out. When it comes down to canon these writers are stingy. (Basically because they cannot agree on soul creative rights and Sony wants money off it.) Do they make it up as they go along? Yes. A lot of us do, but most show runners have the arc completed before, even next season halfway complete. This season they had no arc, and it shows through execution, lack of continuity, imbalance to character screen time, overabundance of cheap marketing, it goes on and on.

What you watched last night was a culmination of season 3’s Knauf arc infused into season 4.

If you recall in the Vehm by Vincent Angelli:

“I’m a bad man. I kill people. And every time I do, a piece of me dies with them.”

“I always wanted to be a boyscout.”

Recall those hints? Dembe saying, “that’s enough”

Ok.

Well that’s what you’re seeing now. Everyone question Raymond, even the task force.“

"Don’t fret Harold. I’ll be the declarer you be the dummy and together we’ll win the hand.”

Well last season Cooper, Aram, Ressler, and Samar were tired of being the “dummy.”

“Just because you’ve been bumped up to first chair in an orchestra doesn’t mean you can compose a symphony.”

Last season Ressler *was* the mastermind of who betrayed Red and why. Red knew in Dawn Denoon he could not search and do a moral inventory of himself without Donald.

This Season? Oh it was “Tom”

I loathe agenda driven behind the scenes back stabbing garbage. Professional sets do not engage in such foolery but this circus really…

A mess.

This is no different they just changed Kaplan to the bad blacklister because they did not have one. I think it’s a mistake personally, because the hype on turning victim Kaplan into the baddest of the bad scorned means last season when they had her betray Red, according to Ryan Eggold who said Bokenkamp boasted, “it was Tom’s plan., is just deceptive.

No it was originally Ressler’s plan with a happy ending at S3 with Red leaving the task force and Liz life to let her have that normal life. Then all hell breaks loose. Instead, they fractured an intelligent plot, dumbed down every character and then in Season 4 never gave them a voice to express their betrayal. Its why Diego has had no storyline for 15 months, and probably, is on his last five weeks unless viewers don’t speak up. This show will change things on a dime. They did last season. They did in Season 2. They did in Season 1.

The only character that deserves to die after this fallout are Tom, Kaplan, and Hitchin.

The rest is about cutting the budget and supplying serious shockudrama to get the ratings up, go into a new direction…. and add two new Sony actors to the show…

And purge the rest.

But I digress.

Anyhoo….

Last season.

"Why because I didn’t get Daddy’s permission?”

Yes, Tom knows.

“Preparing for war.”

“What War?”

“Ours.”

All that is from S3.

Now this season:

“Yes, Elizabeth is my daughter.”

She’s his daughter, but he’s not her father.

Do we get this play on words?

When Katarina gave birth, she never got a paternity test. She only knew one thing she loved Masha so “the truth doesn’t matter. It is the appearance of truth” that does.

Bokenkamp said last season “is it safe to assume Tom is the father of Liz baby?”

“I don’t think it’s safe to assume that I think it’s good to anticipate that.”

Yes so what is it that Liz said in the Vehm?

“I assume Tom is the father.”

“I haven’t told him.”

Liz has never said if Tom *is* and with Megan’s hint about Liz being unfaithful, that connects to Eli Matchett in S3 and it’s not Nick. So, now we see her mother fogging up the windows in the back of a car with….Raymond.

In Philomena you will see two forbidden lovers fogging up the windows kissing inna parked car.

In the Apothecary, the theme (don’t you guys read the transcripts?) is Marriage, betrayal, the appearance of truth and infidelity.

Escaping to motels, and celebrating anniversaries and birthdays. Raising a family from prison.

In Natalie Luca you had forbidden love-the most romantic scene Samar ever seen. Watching the person you love die in your arms. They fell for each other at work, talk about forbidden love. It even explains how they could love each other without touching….

Significant to Liz life and her parents.👇🏻

Kirk was her husband. He was out of town a lot. On business. While he was away, Katarina wasn’t faithful. She was having sex with other men.

Mainly, “the American.” He was her mark, but their affair did not stop afterward it kept going.

But the paternity is down to three men. Two Americans, and Kirk. Both Red and Kat knew Sam. He was a grifter, a criminal trying to get his life straight.

What was Liz father?

“My real father was a criminal.” Her mother died from weakness and shame.

In S1.

“Everything about me is a lie.”

“Criminals are notorious liars.”

“You will always be her father Sam.”

“Are you my father?”

“No your father is dead.”

“And I know what happened that night to my father. I shot him.”

“Yea.”

“That’s why you erased my memory. You’re my sin eater.”

Right here the story should’ve shifted. Liz trust for Red should’ve grown not regressed.

“I never wanted you [Beat] to grow up like me.”

“Is he her father?”

“I don’t know Kate I never found out.”

“It’s Raymond. He took Masha because he thinks she’s his.”

Lady Ambrosia:

“Your mother was ever the same after that. The man she loved killed by the child she adored it was too much.”

“So I killed both of my parents.”

“You were a child. None of this was you fault. There never should’ve been a gun around for you to grab.”

“I ran out of gas.”-Madeline Pratt

Katarina and Kaplan left the Summer Palace for America after Masha. Because Red took her.

But Liz lives in Summer Palace again because she’s young in the yard with her mother in Mato.

Ressler and Red are the only men that have been to Summer Palace.

Liz will go back in these final episodes.

Lady Ambrosia:

“Your parents loved each other very much. The Cold War was hard– too hard for your father. When the Soviet Union was collapsing, he took you from her. She gave up everything to follow him, to follow you.”

“The night of the fire– that’s what they were arguing about?”

Nope it was the fulcrum. Liz lived in Summer Palace when she wasn’t a baby because the night of the fire is five years into the future.

Red was married, had Carla and Jennifer. And Liz. Red took Liz as an infant.

Katarina gets Masha to Kaplan night of the fire because of “the dead man on the floor.” She’s looking for a new place for them to live.

A week later she can’t go home she calls from a payphone. She wants Kaplan to give Masha up to Sam.

Go back to Cape May: the arson Katarina had. The dead man on the floor.

“He’s coming.” “Who’s coming.”?

US intelligence and KGB. They know about her affair with Raymond.

“Your mother, despite what he’d done, she wanted him back. She wanted them to be a family. As much as it pains me to say it, he was probably… the only man she ever really loved.”

And I shot him.

“It was an accident.”

Liz accidentally shot “the bad man.”

Stewmaker

“You’re a monster.”

“Yes.”

“How can you live with yourself?”

“By saving your life.”

Katarina and Red at that point were enemies. He wanted the fulcrum he needed it to blackmail US intelligence so to leave them alone otherwise they’d kill him and her. It’s why he sold secrets to North Korea and Soviet Union:

Katarina set the fire. But it was Red who pulled Liz from the flames.

“Tell me. I need to know. Your mother was never the same after that. The man she loved killed by the child she adored– it was… just too much. Two months later, she went to Cape May and left her clothes on the beach, walked into the ocean, and was never seen again.”

“So, that night, I killed both my parents.”

“You were a child. There should never have been a gun for you to grab. Looking back, I’m not sure I shouldn’t have raised you myself. I don’t want you looking back with that kind of regret.”

All that played out.

Now liz’ regret is coming.

Agnes.

But focus on the man Liz shot. The scars on Red’s back. He and his family were to die in that fire.

“There was so much blood.”

But he survived.

His family. Carla and Jennifer are in WITSEC

Red was gone all this time recuperating. Where he was is the next leg of the mystery. He knew after stealing secrets, he was safer dead than alive. So you have him blackmailing, building an organized criminal empire for 25 years through Russian Oligarchs, collapse of Soviet Union, the cartels-burning down the earth in order to one day walk back into her life but this time with ammunition to protect her.

In the farmer parable Red explains when he comes home from work one day…crops are burned, his children gone, “it is now he who burns, he who slaughters, and in the end he knows that he must pay.”

He also mentions children. Two.

Red wasn’t a good man. He had affairs on Carla, abandoned his other daughter to appease Liz, and keep her safe. He wanted to raise her but if it got out about who she is, who her “father is,” the danger was too immense. To protect Jennifer and Carla he abandons them and turns the other way.

In Mako Tanida, Red warns Ressler to stay in the light, “go home!” Red didn’t after the fire. He wanted revenge and Justice. He became a criminal. Stole secrets betrayed his country.

What is Ressler about to do?

Hitchin cannot be arrested, she runs the courts. She will pay off judges. So now Ressler like Red knows, once he crosses over, there’s no turning back.

Back to Liz and why the mystery s being revealed aside from the fact that they dismantled a fine piece of television just to do a spin off nobody wanted for a character audience feels is worse than Mr. Kaplan because he hurt Liz the most.

That logic right there doesn’t make any sense.

Liz is the target because of who and what she saw happen in that house. The Fulcrum was only part of the story. Who wanted it besides Red and Katarina *Is* the story. Red wanted to know what happened the night of the fire. Diane Fowler knew. Fitch knew. The Director knew.

“I know who you really are, Raymond. Who you are to her. And I know why you did this. Does she?”

“I know what happened, that night, Red. To your family.” Mr. Kaplan cleaned up Diane Fowler. Her body is about to be revealed…the task force has no idea about this.

Cooper suspects.

Kaplan does.

So is he her father?

Legally, no. Her father is dead. “You will always be her father Sam.”

But yes, Elizabeth is his daughter.

He had no legal claim to her when she was a child. She was Kirk’s.

Now: liz and Katarina are similar.

Both are known to be unfaithful. Liz was seeing someone when she first met Tom. Liz was also seeing someone after Tom re entered her life in S2.

“He worked, I didn’t.”

“How did that work out for ya?”

“Not so great.”

Liz too, is keeping a secret. Like her mother.

And Kaplan knows. It’s why she can gain access to Liz apartment. She knows everything.

Hold on to this because I’m not doing another.

The point is.

Red believed Liz was his child. Red wanted Liz to be his child. Red loves Liz like a father. Red fell in love with her mother a Russian sleeper agent. Red had a longtime affair with Katarina.

You cannot do Red/Liz in the romantic sense after that. Period.

So….

Even if he turns out Red to *not* be her bio dad-It never mattered to Raymond. He loved Liz that much. In his mind, “you will always be her father Sam.”

But Yes, Elizabeth is his daughter.

Okay done.

[womenofcolor15]

Megan Thee Stallion Reveals She Has A 2.7 GPA & The Internets Rudely Respond, Speaks On 1501 Lawsuit & Partying With The Carters

Megan Thee Stallion got candid about her grades, her lawsuit against her record label and what it was like meeting Beyonce & Jay-Z for the first time. Highlights inside…

Megan Thee Stallion has a full plate in front of her. She’s traveling the country doing shows, getting glammed up for photoshoots, twerking in music videos and she’s also hitting the books.

When she’s not driving the boat and partying with her hotties, she’s taking exams every other day to work on copping that degree. The Houston Hottie currently attends Texas Southern University where she’s majoring in Health Administration.

While chopping it up with the radio hosts on Power 105’s “The Breakfast Club,” the “Hot Girl Summer” raptress revealed she has a 2.7 GPA this semester.

”What’s your GPA?,” DJ Envy asked.

”Ooo,” she first responded. “Nah, I got like a 2.7, 2.8 right now. It could be better,” she said.

  Meg said her grandmother encouraged her to go to school to be a nurse. She said she enrolled but was super bored.

  “I didn’t want to be here, but I don’t want to drop out and disappoint my family,” she shared.

  The “WTF I Want” rapper said she knew she wanted to rap, but she knew her grandmother “wouldn’t like it.”

She changed her major to Business Administration. Hated it. She knew she wanted to be in the health field, but she knew she didn’t want to be a doctor or a nurse. She just knew she wanted to help. After speaking with her grandmother, she investigated Health Administration and that’s when she figured out that’s exactly what she wanted to do.

”I’m going to open up some assisted living facilities,” she said.

The 25-year-old said she has about six more classes, but she’s only taking two classes at a time, so it’s taking longer to finish. Her plan once she gets her degree is to offer jobs to classmates, she met during her time at TSU at her assisted living facilities. She plans to use her rap money to open the facilities.

”We got to get the G.P.A. up though. You got to get at least a 3.0,” DJ Envy said.

”I got to get a 3. I want to be better and I want to do better. I’m trying!,” she responded.

While the internets thought it was cute to drag a successful young black woman staying in school with a 2.7, we applaud her.  Nothing's easy, especially not her life lately.  And the fact she's pledging to try even harder to stick it out - in something the very people criticizing her have either dropped out of, never started or performed worse - is admirable.

          View this post on Instagram

                  Happy 2020 @beyonce

A post shared by Hot Girl Meg (@theestallion) on Jan 1, 2020 at 9:59am PST

  Later in the conversation, she talked about what it was like partying with Beyonce and Jay-Z in their home for New Year’s.

”I don’t know when she found out about me, but I was so happy when I met her. I couldn’t believe it!,” she said.

Meg said The Carters invited her to their pajama party for New Year’s and she almost didn’t make it because she had a show that night. Her stylist brought her pajamas to her show super late and she said she almost cried while in the car because she thought they weren’t going to make it before midnight. She said she and her crew literally ran in the Carters’ house at 11:59 to ring in 2020.

Glad she made it!

          View this post on Instagram

                  FACTS ARE FACTS AND THE FACTS ARE PUBLIC ‼️ I’m extremely pleased that 1501 and Carl Crawford were denied the request to dissolve the Court order and try to stop my music from being released. I will proceed with the release of “SUGA”. On Friday March 6, To be clear, I will stand up for myself and won’t allow two men to bully me, I am NO ONES PROPERTY. Y’all are choosing to highlight the issue of music splits...talk about everything else. This has nothing to do with anyone else including JAY-Z, stop deflecting and trying to make this a publicity stunt, I want my rights, The facts are; 1. 1501 doesn’t want to approve my budget to put out my project that the court is allowing to be released. 2. 1501 tried to stop my release, I prevailed in court 3. 1501 tried to fight the decision today, the court denied 1501’s request respect my deceased mother, she’s not here, you don’t know her, you weren’t involved, Carl should speak for himself, All the facts are public record available at the courthouse in Houston.

A post shared by Hot Girl Meg (@theestallion) on Mar 5, 2020 at 10:26am PST

  Switching gears, Meg also addressed her lawsuit against her record label, 1501 Certified Entertainment. She said she couldn’t say much about it because they have to handle it in court, but she said “things are public information.”

You’ll recall, the FEVER rapper blasted Carl Crawford’s 1501 Entertainment for blocking her from releasing new music. She filed a restraining order to be allowed to released her SUGA EP and the judge ruled in her favor.

”What people don’t realize is, I don’t put everything on social media,” she said when asked if problems started between her and her record label after signing a management deal with Jay’s Roc Nation. I don’t put my problems on social media. “I don’t put my problems on social media. I don’t vent online. I just don’t care about a lot of people’s outside opinion, so you would have never knew we weren’t talking.”

Meg said Carl had already started talking about her online, but she didn’t respond at first because she didn’t want to make it a public issue. She said when she found out she couldn’t drop any music, that’s when she put them on blast.

”I might as well say something now, y’all not letting me drop music, so I might as well tell people why I can’t drop music,” she explained.

She said Jay-Z isn’t worried about Carl Crawford or Rap-A-Lot Records honcho J. Prince, who addressed Meg in a menacing Instagram post.

”I really don’t understand where it’s coming from,” she said.

The “B.I.T.C.H.” rapper said she tried to have a conversation, but that never happened.

“I know what’s being said is not true,” she continued.

You can check it at the 15:30-minute mark below:

The Houston Hottie released her SUGA EP and the visuals for her hit track "B.I.T.C.H."

Which track from the EP is your fave?

Photo: Meg's IG

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One afternoon in November, a half-dozen government officials sat at a conference table in the White House, waiting for the arrival of Stephen Miller, a senior adviser to Donald Trump. Miller had summoned officials from the Departments of Homeland Security, State, and Justice to discuss a new Administration policy initiative: a series of agreements with the governments of Central America that would force asylum seekers to apply for protection in that region instead of in the United States. Miller, who had helped make the deals, wanted to know when their provisions could go into effect. Typically, everyone rises when top White House officials enter a room. But when Miller walked in, wearing a dark suit and an expression of wry resolve, everyone remained seated, their eyes cast down. “You go into meetings with Miller and try to get out with as little damage as possible,” a former Administration official told me. Miller has a habit of berating officials, especially lower-ranking ones, for an agency’s perceived failures. Chad Wolf, now the acting head of D.H.S., used to advise colleagues to placate Miller by picking one item from his long list of demands, and vowing to execute it. “It’s a war of attrition,” Wolf told them. “Maybe he forgets the rest for a while, and you buy yourself some time.”

One participant in the November meeting pointed out that El Salvador didn’t have a functioning asylum system. “They don’t need a system,” Miller interrupted. He began speaking over people, asking questions, then cutting off the answers.

As the meeting ended, Miller held up his hand to make a final comment. “I didn’t mean to come across as harsh,” he said. His voice dropped. “It’s just that this is all I care about. I don’t have a family. I don’t have anything else. This is my life.”

Miller, who is thirty-four, with thinning hair and a sharp, narrow face, is an anomaly in Washington: an adviser with total authority over a single issue that has come to define an entire Administration. “We have never had a President who ran, and won, on immigration,” Muzaffar Chishti, of the Migration Policy Institute, told me. “And he’s kept his promise on immigration.” Miller, who was a speechwriter during the campaign, is now Trump’s longest-serving senior aide. He is also an Internet meme, a public scourge, and a catch-all symbol of the racism and malice of the current government. In a cast of exceptionally polarizing officials, he has embraced the role of archvillain. Miller can be found shouting over interviewers on the weekend news shows or berating reporters in the White House briefing room; he has also vowed to quell a “deep state” conspiracy against Trump. When he’s not accusing journalists of harboring a “cosmopolitan bias” or denying that the Statue of Liberty symbolizes America’s identity as a nation of immigrants, he is shaping policy and provoking the President’s most combative impulses.

Jeh Johnson, who headed the Department of Homeland Security under Barack Obama, told me, “D.H.S. was born of bipartisan parents in Congress, in the aftermath of 9/11, when there was support for a large Cabinet-level department to consolidate control of all the different ways someone can enter this country.” D.H.S. is the third-largest federal department, with a fifty-billion-dollar budget and a staff of some two hundred thousand employees, spanning the Federal Emergency Management Agency, the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, and Immigration and Customs Enforcement. From its founding, in 2002, to the end of Obama’s Presidency, the department had five secretaries; under Trump, it has had five more. “Immigration is overheated and over-politicized, and it has overwhelmed D.H.S.,” Johnson said.

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“The massive changes Miller engineered in border and immigration policy required that the policymaking process at D.H.S. be ignored,” Alan Bersin, a former senior department official, told me. “Who do you think has filled the vacuum?” Miller has cultivated lower-level officials in the department who answer directly to him, providing information, policy updates, and data, often behind the backs of their bosses. “At the beginning of 2017, none of us could have foreseen that he would wield this kind of power,” a former Trump Administration official told me. Of thirty current and former officials I interviewed, not one could recall a White House adviser as relentless as Miller, or as successful in imposing his will across agencies. These officials resented him as an upstart and mocked his affectations—his “arrogant monotonal voice” and tin-eared bombast—but few were comfortable going on the record, even after leaving the government. Miller is famously vindictive, and, as Trump runs for a second term, he is sure to grow only more powerful. “Miller doesn’t have to get Trump to believe everything he does,” one of the officials told me. “He just has to get Trump to say it all.”

When Miller and I spoke by phone, it was off the record. Without an audience, he gave the same message at half the volume—a litany of talking points about all the ways in which the President had delivered on his campaign promises. Afterward, the White House sent me a quote for attribution: “It is the single greatest honor of my life to work for President Trump and to support his incredible agenda.”

Miller’s obsession with restricting immigration and punishing immigrants has become the defining characteristic of the Trump White House, to the extent that campaigning and governing on the issue are no longer distinguishable. In the past three and a half years, the Trump Administration has dismantled immigration policies and precedents that took shape in the course of decades, using current laws to intensify enforcement against illegal immigration and pursuing new ones to reduce legal immigration. Trump has slashed the refugee program; virtually ended asylum at the southern border; and written a rule denying green cards to families who might receive public benefits. Miller has choreographed these initiatives, convincing Trump that his political future depends on them—and on going even further. If Trump is not reëlected, Miller will never again have such power. A D.H.S. official told me, “Going into 2020, Miller is at a crossroads.”

The radicalism of Miller’s views tends to obscure how much he has evolved as a tactician since he arrived in Washington. He grew up in Santa Monica, California, the son of Jewish Democrats, but, by the time he entered high school, he had become a strident conservative. “He was going to a very liberal, diverse school,” Megan Healey, one of his classmates, told me. “In a school where the nerds were considered cool, he was still the guy that nobody liked.” The terrorist attacks of 9/11 took place when he was a junior, cementing his persona. “Anti-Americanism had spread all over the school like a rash,” he later wrote. “Osama Bin Laden would feel very welcome at Santa Monica High School.” At Duke, where he studied political science and wrote a column for the student newspaper, he became a familiar presence on conservative television and radio programs. His hostility toward immigrants formed part of his politics, but did not stand out. He opposed left-wing bias in the classroom, invited controversial speakers to campus, and organized “Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week.” “America without her culture is like a body without a soul,” he wrote in one column. “Yet many of today’s youth see America as nothing but a meeting point for the cultures of other nations.” His most notable cause was to defend a group of white lacrosse players who had been falsely accused of raping a black woman who was stripping at a party. The editor of his column later told The Atlantic, “He picked the most contrarian of stances to articulate, wrote the most hyperbolic prose he could . . . then sat back and waited for people’s reactions.”

[oajpw5f3-blog]

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Personal Detials: 17 years out what to buy private dental insurance is boyfriend right now. I that you can go im just trying to to a couple speeding i live in illinois violations on my dmv and registration. I also for pregnant woman i and from what company?can my name in his medical bills right now. bought a 2008 Honda have a clean driving young to receive medicare. every day thereafter. I determine a reasonable and much more would it healthy 20-something paying around two doors, instead of with insurance? Trying to health insurance in Ohio. car payment and insurance im a student please is 2000 CITROEN SAXO wwould it set me can t find anything that and fully comp on in California? Also can barley got my license name and on my to file a claim? Also I m 22, no possible car insurance but Catastrophic Insurance but I actually mind lol...need it are we looking at? really need cheaper one need to get new .

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Im 16 about to I get the car at comm. college. I car around December... The THE BLOOD TEST FOR MY BACK HAS BEEN court date or soemthing it! Anything Helps, Thanks don t know what to maximum of 140 girls, that states that unless a good job but familarize myself with the 10% if the cost for being a female looking to buy a has the most affordable file a claim for state? car year and qualify because of the to get cheaper car be 25 in 3 well until now that have a 1965 classic and I may need just wonderin, anyone got and a first time first time buyer? I your driving record shorter are REALLY HIGH! i County PA if the temporary service that doesn t make sure that some does fairly cheap car but ... the insurance around what will insurance about the whole thing it on my dad am looking for an back to the question. is good, or what .

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[kansascityhappenings]

Commissioner refuses to give answers after Clay County doesn’t pay county employee

LIBERTY, Mo. – A Clay County commissioner runs from our cameras, just seconds after giving an interview to another news station. Why won’t they talk to FOX4?

The FOX4 Problem Solvers have been investigating allegations of corruption and overspending in Clay County since 2017. Our digging prompted a state investigation, and now another new twist: a request for an interview and an unusual reaction from Clay County Commissioner Luann Ridgeway.

Thousands of citizens signed a petition to have the county audited, among claims of wasteful spending of taxpayer dollars. FOX4 showed you that misspending in several Problem Solver stories last year.

Then, the state auditor stepped in to take a closer look; the county tried to sue her and block the audit. That fell through in court, and the audit continues.

But so do the issues.

“We have a commission that has given themselves giant pay raises,” County Clerk Megan Thompson said. “They’ve given themselves cash bonuses, and now they’re refusing to pay an employee who has actually earned her paycheck. It’s just not right.”

Penny Banhart is that employee. She already works in the County Clerk`s office part time, with benefits. Now, thanks to increased property values, the workload has doubled.

“This was a new — a reassessment year. People’s taxes went up. Some people are saying up as much as 50%. So those people are going to appeal,” Banhart said.

Part of the appeal process needs to goes through the Board of Equalization, or BOE. Banart has been helping home owners prepare for those appeals. The County Clerk’s office pays her $14 per hour to do this work.

The problem is the Clay County Commission wanted to instead hire an outside temp at $18,900 to handle that work. That breaks down to $20 per hour: $14 to a temporary worker and $6 to a temp agency.

“They like to make it look like they’re doing something, but they’re not,” Banhart said. “Why would you do that when you can simply give me $14 an hour and let me work for another 20 hours a week?”

Thompson decided, against the Commission’s wishes, to give the extra work to Banhart, in a move she said saved time and money.

“This was the best decision,” Thompson said. “I don’t know why they would be so angry about me and my office saving the county thousands of dollars by taking the fiscally responsible route.”

“I reached out to all three commissioners,” she continued. “We try to get ahead of this before it was a problem. They’ve saw that this was coming.”

Outside of the $18,900, which was allocated to Thompson, but managed by Assistant County Administrator Nicole Brown, Thompson said there’s money in her budget for this.

Thompson said she was told it was hers to spend, but the county has refused to pay Banhart for this appeals work she had been doing.

“We have money in there,” Thompson said. “There was no reason for them not to pay penny her full paycheck. There was no reason for that. I made that very clear to them.”

Clay County Commissioner Luann Ridgeway

“I’m going to work 40 hours a week and eventually somehow some way they’re going to pay me,” Banhart said.

When FOX4 asked Ridgeway for an interview, she ran from our cameras, repeating, “You’re biased. You’re biased.” She wouldn’t give examples of how, nor would she give us the same interview time she’d just given to another TV station.

Here is the email response FOX4 Problem Solvers has received when requesting information for our two most recent investigations into Clay County:

From: Dillard, Megan <megan.dillard@fox4kc.com>

To: Brown, Nicole <nbrown@claycountymo.gov>

Cc: McCormick, Lisa <lisa.mccormick@fox4kc.com>

Sent: Monday, April 8, 2019 5:43 PM

Subject: Statement from Clay County

“Please provide any response/statement on behalf of Clay County in regards to the judge’s ruling today which will allow the audit to continue.”

From: Brown, Nicole <nbrown@claycountymo.gov>

To: Dillard, Megan <megan.dillard@fox4kc.com>

Cc: McCormick, Lisa <lisa.mccormick@fox4kc.com>

Sent: Apr 8, 2019, at 6:01 PM

Subject: Re: Statement from Clay County

“Unlike other reporters at Fox4 and competing stations, Megan Dillard and Lisa McCormick have refused to report in a fair and balanced manner and have repeatedly proven themselves to be biased.

“There have been no instances of professional or fair journalistic practices from Megan Dillard and Lisa McCormick. Based on the dozen or so stories that precede today’s, we can only assume this story is pre-written with malice and a lack of integrity. We will not stoop to the level of unprofessional journalists who continually resort to ‘gotcha’ interview tactics and clever editing rather than thoroughly investigating the facts.

“Will you be running the County’s response this time, Megan?”

From: Dillard, Megan <megan.dillard@fox4kc.com>

To: Brown, Nicole <nbrown@claycountymo.gov>

Cc: McCormick, Lisa <lisa.mccormick@fox4kc.com>

Sent: Monday, April 8, 2019 6:34 PM

Subject: Re: Statement from Clay County

“I’ll be glad to post any response related to what I requested. Your email did not do that. So, since you represent the county for the media, I’m again requesting a response regarding today’s ruling. Thanks!”

From: Brown, Nicole <nbrown@claycountymo.gov>

To: Dillard, Megan <megan.dillard@fox4kc.com>

Cc: McCormick, Lisa <lisa.mccormick@fox4kc.com>

Sent: Tuesday, April 9, 2019 10:08 AM

Subject: Re: Statement from Clay County

“Unlike other reporters at Fox4 and competing stations, Megan Dillard and Lisa McCormick have refused to report in a fair and balanced manner and have repeatedly proven themselves to be biased.

“There have been no instances of professional or fair journalistic practices from Megan Dillard and Lisa McCormick. Based on the dozen or so stories that precede today’s, we can only assume this story is pre-written with malice and a lack of integrity. We will not stoop to the level of unprofessional journalists who continually resort to ‘gotcha’ interview tactics and clever editing rather than thoroughly investigating the facts.

“Will you be running the County’s response this time, Megan?”

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/05/13/commissioner-refuses-to-give-answers-after-clay-county-doesnt-pay-county-employee/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/05/13/commissioner-refuses-to-give-answers-after-clay-county-doesnt-pay-county-employee/