#ramons right hand

[atomeequark]

12/24 portrait ver. below

[b1g4udge]

Quick Verdugo piece

[bobbysdeath]

There is not a locked room anywhere that with the right tools and enough time you can't break into.

[ID under cut: A series of 21 gifs from the TV show 9-1-1.

The 1st gif shows Hen and Eddie untangling Halloween decorations at the firehouse. Eddie says, "You never know when a door is gonna close, and when it does, then...". Hen replies "It's sealed".

The 2nd gif shows Shannon talking to Eddie, who is offscreen, at a restaurant. She says, "Because if I try to do this again before I'm ready, there won't be a second chance."

The 3rd gif shows Pepa talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. She says, "It's been too long. You need to do something or you're going to be alone forever."

The 4th gif shows an injured woman lying on a backboard in a c-collar talking to Eddie and Hen, who are offscreen. She says, "We're all gonna die alone. Might as well spend time with our loved ones while we're still living." The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie and Hen looking at her.

The 5th gif shows Shannon lying down in an ambulance with a c-collar. She is talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. She says, "I'd love...a little more time."

The 6th gif shows Eddie during a flashback talking to Shannon, who is offscreen. He says "Can we please talk about this later? Can I maybe just get a little damn time?"

The 7th gif shows Eddie with tears in his eyes talking to Kim, who is offscreen. He says, "Never did get to say all the things I wanted to say. or hear all the things I needed to hear, I guess."

The 8th gif shows Ramon sitting down at a table talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. He says, "Why didn't you tell us?" The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie, who says, "Pretty sure you know the answer to that question."

The 9th gif shows Eddie standing in front of his fridge with tears in his eyes, talking to Ana, who is offscreen. He says, "I should have said something sooner." Ana replies, still offscreen, "Yeah. You probably should have."

The 10th gif shows Buck talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. He says, "You said you did this a year ago, why are you just telling me now?"

The 11th gif shows Eddie underground during the well rescue. You cannot see his face. He says, "I need more time", but the text indicates it's unintelligible. The gif cuts to a shot of Bobby looking frustrated, then cuts to a shot of Buck shouting, "Cap, can't we give him more time?"

The 12th gif shows Christopher yelling at Eddie, who is offscreen. Offscreen, Eddie says, "We'll make an even bigger gingerbread house next year, right?" Christopher replies, "You could be dead next year!" The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie looking up at Christopher, who is offscreen, with a shocked look.

The 13th gif shows Eddie on the phone. He says, "Why wait? Well, there's no better time than now."

The 14th gif shows Eddie at the firehouse talking to Chimney, who is offscreen. He says, "Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. If you love her, tell her."

The 15th gif shows Shannon at a restaurant talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. She says, "Eddie, uh, I think–". The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie, where he cuts Shannon off and says, "Please, just...let me say this."

The 16th gif shows Buck talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. He says, "Uh, Eddie–". The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie, where he cuts Buck off and says, "Just let me finish."

The 17th gif shows Buck being pushed towards the ground, with blood splattered on his face. He is staring ahead at Eddie, who is offscreen, with a shocked expression. The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie, who is lying on his side on the street, with his head in a puddle of blood. He is staring ahead at Buck, who is offscreen, as his hand falls forward towards Buck.

The 18th gif shows a close-up of Eddie talking to Christopher, who is offscreen. He says, "You can always come back. If you change your mind five minutes or five months from now...".

The 19th gif shows Eddie sitting in a confessional booth. Offscreen, a priest says to him, "Well, I imagine after 23 years, something in particular must be bothering you enough to make you feel like you need to be here."

The 20th gif shows Eddie talking to Buck, who is offscreen. He says, "Don't walk away from something before you even know what it is."

The 21st gif shows Eddie opening his front door. The gif cuts to wide shot of him smiling and nodding hello to Buck, who is offscreen. Eddie is wearing a button-up shirt with no pants. The gif then cuts to a shot of a visibly upset Buck standing outside, looking at Eddie.

END ID]

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

It's a Match! || 141 x Reader

[Chapter 16] || [Chapter 18]

Pairing: Gaz x Reader x Ghost x Soap || 141 x gn!Reader Words: 1.7K~ Summary: While overcoming recent heartbreak, you decide to join Tinder in search of a rebound. Your friends advise to just Swipe Right indiscriminately... What happens when 4 soldiers from the same squad match with you? a/n: we're getting there.

Gaz's outfit is 100% a rip off of this fanart by the lovely @temeyes.

Chapter 17: Guard Dogs

You don’t exactly know what you did to deserve this.

You really don’t.

You went on Tinder one time. One night after work.

So why the fuck do you have three men lurking around you like guard dogs?

Ever since the Ethan incident last Friday, they’ve been taking turns going to pick you up at work and walking you home.

Monday - Kyle

Tuesday - Simon

Wednesday - Kyle

Thursday - Simon

It wouldn’t be so bizarre if it weren’t for the fact that people (especially your coworkers) stare when there’s suddenly men waiting for you after work… 

Especially when one of them is a 6ft4 man that’s built like a fridge, giving everyone copious amounts of side-eye as they walk out.

And then you wonder why they ask you get asked questions the next morning.

Today, Friday, you exit work to see not one, not two, but all three of them, standing shoulder-to-shoulder. They look frankly adorable, all beaming at you as you come out of work and preening themselves a bit.

Kyle’s on the far left, wearing a cream-colored hoodie with a blue flannel shirt atop, black cargo pants and white and black Air Jordans. The hoodie is pulled up over his hair and his hands are tucked into the pocket of his hoodie.

Simon’s next to him, in the center, wearing black boots, jeans and a black parka with an inner pollar layer that’s zipped up all the way, so as to cover his mouth, in lieu of his usual mask. His hair is sticking up all over and you just know he put hairgel on it. 

Johnny’s on Simon’s other side, the far right, and wearing a pair of distressed blue jeans, a shaggy burgundy Ramones t-shirt and an unzipped grey hoodie jacket. Just like Kyle, he’s also wearing some Nikes and they’re so pristine and clean you’d swear he’s gotten them from the box a minute ago.

“Hi…?” You said in surprise as you adjusted the sling of your laptop bag on your shoulder.

“Hey!” Johnny greeted you.

“Hi, lovie.” Kyle said with a beaming smile.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Simon said simply and nodded upwards at you.

“What are you… doing?” You trailed off as you came to stand in front of them, your eyes going back and forth between them.

“Couldn’t decide who should come get you. So we decided to both come” Simon told you sincerely. “And since the two of us were coming, Johnny wanted to tag along.” He added.

“Why are ye talking like I’m a puppy that couldn’t be left at home by myself?” Johnny said with raised brows.

“Because you were begging for us to take you with.” Kyle retorted from Simon’s other side.

“Go fuck yourselves.” Johnny added. “You look nice.” He complimented you with a boyish grin.

“In my work uniform?” You retorted as you looked at him with a playful look of disbelief.

“Aye.” He replied. “Always love seein’ someone all knackered and sweaty after work.” He admitted.

“Johnny are you flirting?” Simon asked and he gave Johnny a look that could kill someone.

“Aye.” Johnny replied with a mischievous look in his eyes and pursed his lips together. “Is that forbidden now?”

“Mate…” Kyle quipped, his tone a soft warning.

“What? They already got two blokes after them, can have another one.” Johnny remarked with the same casualty of someone saying they ‘might as well have another biscuit from the box’.

You blinked away the surprise at the flirting. It was still bizarre to have one man like Simon interested… And you felt overwhelmed to have Kyle on top of it… And now Johnny too?

“Okay, erm… So… let’s go?” You announced and turned to start marching up the street to work before anyone could say anything else.

The guys followed behind you wordlessly, in a formation lead by Simon… like you were a mother duck and they were your ducklings… Or, rather, like they were your pack of guar dogs.

-

You’re standing by the door of your kitchen feeling like a guest in your own flat. 

Kyle and Simon are cooking… without even being asked. You stopped by the shop and they immediately announced they’d cook for you and… now they are.

Johnny’s sitting at the dining table behind you, sprawled open and sipping a can of Monster he got himself at the shop when you were all there.

“Okay, what’s up with you?” You announced as you watched the two men move about your kitchen as they made your meal. Simon’s was first in charge of chopping and dicing things… and now he’s in charge of frying… something, while Kyle takes care of basically everything else.

“What do you mean, lovie?” Kyle asks as he turns to glance at you while stirring something.

“You all came to pick me up together… And now you’re cooking for me…” You trail off as your nails clink a bit against the glass of wine they poured you. “What’s going on?”

“You’re adorably annoying with how perceptive you are, you know that?” Simon asks as he glances back at you as well before plucking something out of the frying pan and to a dish on the side. The oil sizzles loudly when he puts something else down to fry.

“Thank you.” You say with a playfully smug tone as you shift around. “But you didn’t answer the question.” You remark.

“After dinner, alright?” He answers and Kyle makes some sounds of agreement.

“They want to be yer boyfriends, officially.” Johnny says behind you and it causes you to whip around to look at him… Which also made Kyle drop whatever he was holding, in shock.

“SOAP!” Both Simon and Kyle shout, scolding the Scot who’s sitting at the table with a broad grin on his lips.

“You… You do?” You ask as you turn to look at them, mouth parted in surprise.

“Yeah...” Kyle replies as he looks at you. 

Simon simply nods and turns away to focus on the food he’s frying.

“I… I’m honored…” You admit and feel your cheeks warming up so bright you fear you’ll start sweating. “I…”

“I’d like a shot at it too, if ye don’t mind.” Johnny adds. Once again, all eyes turn to Johnny with another ‘JOHNNY?!’ which causes him to laugh.

“I’m serious.” He replies. “I’ll gladly date ye too.” He adds.

Your eyes widen. “You-”

“Mhm.” He adds.

“No.” Simon replies as he turns around once more.

“What do you mean ‘no’, L.T.?” Johnny asks in exaggerated offense.

“I mean, I don’t wanna date you.” Simon adds.

“I- Wait.” Now it’s Johnny’s time to get flustered. “Date me?” Poor lad, his whole face warms up bright red.

“Y-Yeah… Kyle and Simon kiss each other sometimes.” You announce and out of the corner of your eye you catch both of the other men stiffening up.

“I KNEW IT. I FOOKIN’ KNEW IT!” Johnny jumps up to his feet, spilling his Monster can on the table. “Ah, shite!” He says as he scrambles to pick it up again before it spills too much.

“What do you mean you knew it?!” Simon asks in shock.

“I KEN YE LIKE EACH OTHER! SAW THE WAY YOU SHARE THOSE COY LOOKS BETWEEN YE!!” Johnny shouts as he points a finger at the two men.

You’re pretty sure they’re all blushing now, you included.

“We didn’t share any looks!” Simon says defensively.

“DID TOO!” Johnny insists. “AND I TAKE OFFENSE TO YE NOT WANTING TO DATE ME, L.T.!” He adds. “I THOUGHT YE LIKED ME!”

Your eyes widen and you move your head side to side trying to keep up with the banter between them as Johnny marches his way into the kitchen so him and Simon can keep bickering.

“Are they always like this?” You find yourself asking Kyle, your eyes widened as they shout your house down.

“Yeah… This is a tame day for them actually. Should hear how they are on comms during missions.” He leans over to whisper in your ear.

“Ah…” You say softly. “I don’t know if I can handle dating this all the time.” You quip playfully, making Kyle laugh.

“You’ll get used to it.” He adds.

As you two continue watching the two men arguing, during which Simon is still, somehow, still tending to the food… You find yourself sneaking little pieces of carrot from the salad Kyle’s making.

Only to stop chewing halfway and let your piece of carrot fall right out of your hands when Johnny suddenly grabs Simon by his face and plants a big kiss right on the taller man’s lips. No warning.

At that moment, Simon looks every bit like Kyle did when they kissed for the first time. Perfectly statue-like still, eyes widened, both hands hanging in the air as if he was frozen…

Johnny’s hands are wrapped around Simon’s face, his palms over his ears, and fingers in his blonde hair, their mouths pressed together…

And then Simon comes back from the trance he’s in and his hands wrap around Johnny’s head too, his fingers digging into the back of his mohawk as their tongues battle together.

“Jesus Christ…” Kyle replies next to you, voicing your exact thoughts.

Once they pull apart, both the men are blushing red and out of breath, eyes widened.

“Ye’ll date me now?” Johnny replies.

Simon doesn’t reply, he simply turns around to finish cooking.

“I think that’s a yes.” You finally announce, finding your voice softly.

Johnny turns to look at you and smirks. “From him or from you?” He asks with a cocked brow.

“Both.” Simon quips with his back turned.

“I think that was the hottest kiss I ever witnessed.” Kyle says softly.

“I’ll give ye a smooch too, don’t get jealous, Gary.” Johnny quips and winks at Kyle.

Then, the Scot grabs a paper towel from the roll and walks toward the door to go mop up the spilled Monster from the table.

But not before he cups Kyle’s face and stealing a peck off his lips…

Then, he does the same to you… before licking his lips at the end. 

“Your wine’s tasty.” He adds, before slinking back out of the room.

You’re left blinking away the shock with an equally stunned Kyle next to you… And you’re pretty sure Simon’s stunned too…

Meanwhile, Johnny’s giggling to himself in the living room.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

taglist (CLOSED! not adding anyone else, sorry!):

@daisychainsinknots , @bunnysdaydreams , @iite-cool , @lahniu , @pagesfalling , @tapioca-milktea1978 , @live-love-be-unique , @thelaisydazy , @littleghosthunter , @bossva , @emotion-no-hot-yes-hotel-trivago , @chamomiletealeaf , @ghosts-hoe , @kariiiel , @ltbarnes , @irregulardongyoung , @spacelia , @hayleybarnesx , @infpt-zylith , @xxshadowbabexx , @frescoisnotinthemilitary , @leeeenistop , @lucienbarkbark

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[bullet-prooflove]

Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll: Jesse Van Horn x Reader (The Pitt)

Tagging: @caffeinatedwoman @cosmic-psychickitty @kmc1989

Home is supposed to be where the heart is and Jesse’s home is over 15,000 miles away in Perth at a conference as a keynote speaker on Addiction and Neurodiversity. You should be in the middle of your talk right now, instead when he picks up the phone to answer your Facetime, you’re hurtling through an airport trying to catching a flight back to the US.

He knows you’ve seen the news, the shooting at Pittfest. He has seventeen texts testifying to that and five missed calls. He feels like an asshole because he knows what you’re reaction would have been, that you would have thought he was amongst the victims.

He was supposed to be playing one of the stages with his band today but they’d had to pull out at the last minute because their shit had been stolen out of Garret’s van last night. The only reason he was even on shift was because Dana had been desperate this morning  and now he needed the money to replace his guitar.

There hadn’t been time to tell you any of that with the time difference, there hadn’t been time to pick up his phone and let you know he was ok because that first wave had hit almost immediately and suddenly he was knee deep in blood and viscera.

“Jana.” He murmurs as he stands outside the hospital in the dying light, a cigarette of Dana’s thrust between his lips. “Jana, I’m alright, you don’t need to come back.”

“Fuck that.” You say as you hurry towards your gate, the phone bouncing as you run. “You’ve just been through living hell, I’m not sticking around Perth for another week leaving you alone to process that shit.”

He laughs before taking a drag of that cigarette, the smoke curling up towards the sky. You’ve always had a colourful way with words, ever since he first met you smoking pot at a music festival. The two of you had shared a couple of joints during the Sex Pistols before splitting a tab of LSD and spending the next ten hours fucking in his tent.

At the end of it all he’d told you, he wanted to marry you and you had laughed before going down on him as the Ramones played on the soundstage next door.

Twenty years later, there’s no drugs other than caffeine and nicotine. But the sex and the rock and roll, it’s still there in abundance.

There’s still no ring on that finger either but he’s cool with it because he gets to see his name tattooed on your ass every night when he fucks you.

“I’m serious Jana.” He tells you, taking another drag allowing the smoke to fill up his lungs. “I’m cool. I just need a couple of hours sleep and a hot shower.”

“I don’t believe you.” You tell him bluntly. “I can see how devastated you are, you may be able to hide it from everybody else but I see it Jesse, I see you and I know you’re struggling.”

This woman, he thinks, shaking his head. This goddamn woman, there is no hiding anything from her.

“Shit babe, I gotta go.” You tell him, your gaze coming to rest on something beyond the phone. “We’re boarding and the security officer looks like he’s about to snatch my phone right out my hand. I love you and I’ll see you in 24 hours.”

“I love you too, baby girl.” He says pressing his fingertips to his lips and touching them to the screen. “Text me the when you land.”

Love Jesse? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[ballroomeddie]

This particular still is so fuckin sinister to me. The way Ramon clutches Eddie's neck while Helena rests a hand on Chris’ shoulder. The way Helena glances at her husband and son while Chris remains unaware of the scene behind him. 

This scene alone is sooo emblematic of the way that Ramon and Helena have been keeping Chris & Eddie apart. The way the scene is staged makes it look like Eddie & Chris have their backs turned to each other BECAUSE Eddie's parents are keeping them in place. 

It genuinely looks like the Diaz parents have a deliberate “divide and conquer” action plan. One of them is keeping Eddie in place while the other takes care of Chris. And I use that wording deliberately because Ramon’s touch seems particularly dominant and oppressive here (right?? like am I tripping?? @canondiaz made a similar observation). Ramon is keeping Eddie “in his rightful (designated) place”. In contrast, Helena's hold of Chris appears to be more gentle, like she's “taking care of Chris” in more ways than one. I'm sure that there's a nurturing side of Helena that wants to shield Chris from the ugliest parts of this drama. But it's also self-serving, the Diaz parents don't want Chris to see what they're doing to their son (to Chris’ dad and primary caregiver… before they stepped in) cause that would make them look like abusive monsters. 

But also also also, “in place” in the sense that Eddie & Chris' healing/reunification process has been halted in place as of late. Liike,,, Chris went away so that they could work on their issues and eventually make their way back to each other and the Diaz parents seemed to be in support of that plan in the beginning until they went “actually fuck that. and fuck you, Eddie”

[markofalover]

literally kills something inside of me to see eddie in texas. his whole other wardrobe. the way he looks at his mother for approval. ramon with his hand on the back of his neck. everyone step out with your hands up this is not a joke ramon and helena you have the right to remain silent

[ramons-elevator]

Do you think Jaiden cried when she saw Pomme in heaven? Only to see Dapper right behind her, holding his sisters hand? Pomme crying too as she ran into her Tia’s arms?

As Dapper hugged and introduced Pomme to his siblings, Jaiden saw Ramon holding two eggs hands. One with a pancake on their head, another with sunglasses.

Jaiden felt her heart shatter as she met her daughter for the first time

It was a while before one day, Ramon looked over Jaiden’s shoulder and stumbled over himself as he ran. Jaiden turned around and stumbled too as Pac waved with Richas in his arms, both of them smiling like nothing bad ever happened.

It wasnt long before Jaiden heard Pac cry as Tallulah and Chayanne ran into their uncle’s arms. Tallulah gave Jaiden one of the flowers from her hair as Chayanne clinged to his Tia’s leg.

Tallulah, Chayanne, Ramón, and Richas looked so much bigger than last time she saw them. They explained, with the help of Pac, what happened to them with ElQuackity and the restart. Pac hugged Tilin, Trumpet, and Juanaflippa as much as he hugged Bobby.

Just as everything was quieting down, Richas disappeared before coming back with an egg with a stripped shirt on and a gas mask. Jaiden laughed as Bobby immediately started to taunt Pepito as Richas explained that Pepito was Roiers kid. Jaiden couldnt stop thinking how small Pepito looked.

Suddenly there was loud barking and loud music. Everyone turned and cheered as they saw Leo Bonita running toward them with a pack of dogs behind her. She cried as she picked up Trumpet into her arms and twirled, glitter from her dress raining onto the ground.

Jaiden thought Leo never looked more beautiful.

[shen-mu]

i finally read that.

hep. dear hep. im behind u mate

count your age by friends, not years. count your life by smiles, not tears

So I wrote another Ramón first birthday fic!

The idea of this fic was from the wonderful @shen-mu in Fit's offline chat, so go follow them they've got great artwork!!

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Something something about Shannon in Eddie begins pushing Eddie to choose between her and his family - between her and Christopher - and Buck not pushing Eddie to make that choice between him or Christopher.

The way they juxtaposed Shannon choosing to step out and leave when he doesn’t immediately choose her - when he chooses Christopher and his family - making that choice because he knows deep down he is not in a good place and that his family can provide the stability Chris needs in that moment, in order for him to heal himself.

With Buck - who is acting out in a way that is making it seem he is trying to push Eddie into making a choice between him and Christopher but who ultimately makes a choice that allows Eddie to choose Christopher - because he knows that’s what Eddie needs to do and will support him in that choice even if it means causing himself pain.

The way the show has essentially paralleled the idea of family providing the space needed to heal - having Christopher deciding to return to Texas and the stability of his wider family whilst Eddie needed the space to heal himself. Christopher was deeply affected by Shannon abandoning him in Texas - the show doesn’t explicitly say it or show it, but it’s clear it’s a trauma that has impacted him and continues to do so. So his choice to return to Texas - to the grandparents who supported him through that trauma - at a moment when he is confronted with the ‘ghost’ of his dead mother - having been given and read her letter to him in the recent past - makes complete sense. He’s subconsciously repeating his past experiences with Eddie’s trauma and Shannon being gone - being raised by his grandparents while his dad is a semi presence in his life - until Eddie makes a choice and actually talks to Chris about it.

I’m not getting into the nitty gritty of Shannon because this isn’t about the rights or wrongs of what she did when it comes to Christopher - it’s incredibly nuanced and she’s a complex character we don’t have enough background on to pass full judgement on, but isn’t what I’m looking at here.

What we’re seeing, is a clear paralleling of the situations Shannon and Buck find themselves in - in a not great place themselves and looking to Eddie for help and support, but we get a loud juxtaposition between the choices they make when Eddie is not able to provide that support and reassurance - when Eddie makes a choice that he feels he needs to make.

Eddie is struggling with trauma and his mental health is compromised (ptsd in both cases in my opinion).

The military ptsd is obvious in Eddie begins, which Shannon compounds with her desire to leave almost as soon as Eddie is back, making things worse and Eddie digs in.

While in season 7 Kim triggers his ptsd and her decision to role play Shannon only compounds the situation.

Both result in Ramon and Helena taking care of Chris and we have it implied that Eddie has found his way through his military ptsd in Eddie begins , seemingly on his own and while he worked - with little support for himself from his parents even as they supported Chris, and we are shown Eddie working through his trauma in the first half of season 8. Again seemingly on his own (not saying buck hasn’t been there for him - but we’re not shown Eddie actually opening up to him in any way - father Brian is the only real opening up of Eddie we’re shown) and while he continues working - with little support from his parents for himself - they are once again focused on Christopher.

But where Shannon pushes and then chooses to abandon him and Chris when he doesn’t immediately agree with her and go along with her desires, Buck takes the opposite tack - he pushes (semi subconsciously) in a similar but less explicit way to Shannon - but where she had already made her choice - and streps out and away. Buck realises pushing is the wrong tactic and alters course - understanding what Eddie needs is actually a helping hand and so Buck steps even further in with him and gives him that hand in the form of taking over the lease.

The beauty of this parallel and then juxtaposition between Shannon and Buck - and Eddie’s arc is that we then get to move back into another parallel and juxtaposition between them. We’re likely going to get the parallel of Eddie and Chris sat on the porch deciding to go to LA together (once they’ve reconciled and rebuilt their relationship) in the aftermath of Eddie standing up to his parents. But we get the juxtaposition of Eddie (semi) subconsciously choosing LA because Shannon is there with him actively choosing LA because Buck is there - both instances led/lead to the reconnecting of family, to a do over or a fresh start. But where reconnecting with Shannon ended in tragedy because it was built on the idea of the same relationship they had before and not something new or different, reconnecting with Buck will end happily because it will be a different relationship to the one they had before, it’s a new beginning - and that is why it will be successful.

[capseycartwright]

i’ll be home for christmas (if only in my dreams)

It was a silly thing, Buck had started, right when Eddie first got to El Paso – we’re looking at the same sky, he’d quipped, on one of their nightly Facetime calls.

Even when they were far apart from each other, they were still able to look up at the same stars, and if they just remembered that, maybe the distance between El Paso, and Los Angeles, wouldn’t feel so cavernous. That’s what Buck had promised him.

for @winterofbuddie week one, celestial creativity.

ao3 link

Eddie had wanted to leave El Paso for as long as he could remember. He had never quite been able to voice that desire, not when he lived under his parent’s roof, because it had never felt like he could have opinions of his own, under the grand authority of Ramon and Helena Diaz. It’s not as though his first choice would have been to run away to the other side of the world, with the army emblem on his shoulder, but at least it had been somewhere else, he supposed.

Then he’d been discharged, and he’d come home, and Eddie had been too afraid of his own shadow to want to go anywhere – and he’d had bigger things to worry about, frankly, like keeping his head above water and his son alive as he did his best to navigate single parenthood.

Eddie had gone to LA for Shannon – he could admit that. He had wanted to run away from El Paso, to take Christopher away from the suffocating grip of his parents, sure, but he’d picked LA because of Shannon.

He’d stayed for himself, though.

Sometimes, Eddie felt like the only selfish decision he had ever made for himself in his whole entire life was staying in Los Angeles and making a life for himself there. He had never been good at wanting things for himself, but Eddie had wanted, when he got to LA and he had joined the 118 and realised he could have a life he enjoyed, and not just one he survived for the sake of his son.

That’s what made him ending up back in El Paso all the more ironic, really. Eddie had made one selfish decision for himself in his entire miserable fucking life, and then he’d had to walk away from that one good, selfish decision for the sake of his son.

It wasn’t permanent. El Paso wasn’t permanent.

That’s what Eddie had to keep telling himself, as he lived in his older sister’s guestroom, and went knocking at his parent’s front door every morning to see if his son wanted to talk to him. It wasn’t permanent, he’d kept reassuring himself, as he sat across the dining table from his mom and dad every evening, and justified why he was there, why he was going to keep being there until Christopher decided he was willing to come home.

Eddie would have moved permanently – but as he’d started to look for houses in El Paso, and as Buck had spiralled, everything had come to a head, and he and Buck had an explosive argument that had ended with Buck’s tongue down Eddie’s throat.

Buck would get snippy, if he knew Eddie was misrepresenting the romance of the moment – but in Eddie’s defence, the romance had come after that first, messy, argument, life-changing, ending kiss.

Buck hadn’t asked Eddie to stay – he would never get between Eddie, and Christopher – but he had suggested maybe it didn’t need to be such a permanent move. Not right away, at least – that maybe Eddie could work on rebuilding his relationship with Chris, first, and they could discuss it, decide together whether to stay in LA, or make the big move to El Paso permanently.

(Eddie really hoped it would be the former.)

Eddie’s hands shook, as he shut the screen door behind him, the chill of the December evening a welcome reprieve from the stifling heat of his parent’s house, and the festive celebrations happening inside that he wasn’t feeling particularly inclined to participate in.

He liked Christmas – really, he did – but this year, Eddie was struggling to feel all that festive. Things with Christopher were a little better, and they were getting better every day, but every inch of progress he made with his son seemed to drive an even bigger wedge between Eddie, and his parents.

Coming out to them hadn’t helped.

It hadn’t been an entirely rash decision, on Eddie’s part – he’d wanted to come out to them eventually. Between kissing Buck, and the six weeks he’d been in El Paso, Eddie had done a lot of soul-searching and had come to the somewhat startling conclusion he was absolutely, definitely, a thousand percent gay. It hadn’t felt world-ending, to accept it either – not the way it would have a year ago.

It had felt right. Eddie had tried the label out for size with Buck, in the first instance, his boyfriend smiling proudly at him from the tiny screen of Eddie’s cellphone as Eddie had said it out loud. He’d told Sophia, over dinner, one evening, his sister and her husband giving him similarly encouraging grins and embraces. Eddie had told Christopher, one quiet afternoon when they’d gone out for a walk, and Christopher had responded with a simple ‘thanks for telling me, dad’ and that had been that.

So, sue him, for thinking he could come out to his parents and have it not be an issue. Everyone else had been so accepting, and kind, and Eddie had let himself indulge in the false hope that he’d get the same from his mom and dad.

His mom had immediately started crying, wailing about how she couldn’t understand, which Eddie felt was, quite frankly, overdramatic, and his father had looked at him silently with an expression of complete and utter disappointment Eddie wasn’t sure he’d ever forget.

It had sucked.

Eddie had excused himself from dinner, got behind the wheel of his rented car, driven to a Dairy Queen carpark, and had a complete and utter mental breakdown into a chocolate sundae. It hadn’t been his proudest moment.

“Hi, baby,” Buck’s voice was warm, as his boyfriend picked up the phone.

“Hey, honey,” Eddie tried to sound upbeat as he responded, wanting to rise to Buck’s sweet petname with one of his own. He liked the way Buck was so soft with him, open and honest with his affection even via words.

“What happened?”

Eddie should have known he was physically incapable of lying to Buck.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing – you sound sad,” Buck countered. “It’s Christmas day, and you sound sad, Eddie – so it’s something. Talk to me.”

Eddie settled himself down on the front porch steps, tucking his phone under his chin. “I hate Christmas.”

“You love Christmas,” Buck corrected. “Normally, at least. What happened, Eddie?”

“It’s just – everything feels weird, and awkward,” Eddie sighed. “Sophia and Adriana won’t speak to our parents directly – they’re just pretending, for the kids sake. Abuela threatened not to come for Christmas dinner, and only turned up because she, I quote, didn’t want my useless excuse for a father to pretend as though she wasn’t there because she had a problem with me being gay, when her real problem is with her own son being a bigot.”

This got a laugh out of Buck. “I love your grandmother.”

“Me too,” Eddie couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Christopher is…” he trailed off. “He’s okay. He liked his gifts – he seems to not know what to do, though, with the way my parents are being.”

“They’re different with you than they are with him,” Buck offered. “It has to feel confusing for him that the grandparents who treat him so kindly, treat his dad the way they do.”

That was putting it nicely. Eddie’s parents – well, they weren’t bad people. Eddie wasn’t going to claim they were. They just weren’t the best parents to Eddie. He’d been dealing with their expectations his whole life, and coming out as gay had upset their plan for the perfect white picket fence life they’d envisioned for – no, demanded of Eddie. Eddie had even heard his mother weeping in the kitchen, wondering how on earth she’d tell her bible group that her precious only son was gay. A practising gay, at that – because when Eddie followed up his disastrous coming out with the admission that he had a living, breathing boyfriend, that had sent his already hysterical mother to another planet.

“I feel like I made everything worse, by coming here,” Eddie admitted quietly, though he was certain no one inside of the Diaz household would hear him over the Christmas music that was blasting in the living room as his family played board games. “I don’t want Christopher to hate his grandparents. I just want him to want to come home, with me.”

“You haven’t made anything worse, Eddie,” Buck’s reassurance was gentle. “Baby – you haven’t made anything worse. Being there, working on things with Chris – that’s the right thing to do. You can’t control the way your parents act around you. If they want to show their ass and make their grandson mad at them for treating you badly after you came out – well, good. I hope he does hate them. They’re being shitty parents.”

Eddie knew he should talk about it. He knew he should – and could – sit and hash out all of his complicated feelings about his parents, and Texas, and the way El Paso made him feel like he couldn’t breathe, the town constricting around his chest, locking him in a cage he had so desperately tried to escape. A cage he had escaped, until Eddie’s own mistakes had driven his son back here, to the one place Eddie had hoped he’d ever be back in. He could do that, but –

“I miss you Buck,” Eddie breathed. “I wish you were here.”

“I know,” Buck’s tone was sympathetic. “But hey – if you look up at the stars, then you and I are looking at the same stars, Eds. That’s something, for now.”

Eddie smiled. It was a silly thing, Buck had started, right when Eddie first got to El Paso – we’re looking at the same sky, he’d quipped, on one of their nightly Facetime calls. Even when they were far apart from each other, they were still able to look up at the same stars, and if they just remembered that, maybe the distance between El Paso, and Los Angeles, wouldn’t feel so cavernous. That’s what Buck had promised him.

Eddie watched as a car pulled up across the street from his parents’ house. Someone visiting family, he guessed. “You can’t see the stars in LA,” he joked. “All that light pollution.”

“No,” Buck agreed. “But I can see them from El Paso.”

Eddie felt his heart shudder to a stop in his chest. “What – what?” he looked across the street and saw Buck emerging from the car – an Uber, clearly – his duffel bag slung over his shoulder, phone in hand.

Buck ended the call, looking left and right before he jogged across the street. “Hey,” he looked almost bashful, as he greeted Eddie.

“Buck? Are you really here?” Eddie couldn’t quite believe his own eyes. Buck was here, in Texas – not in Los Angeles, where he was supposed to be spending Christmas Day with his sister, and Chimney.

“I’m really here,” Buck promised, setting his duffel bag down on the pavement. He looked tired, but happy, all the same, wearing an LAFD hoodie and his familiar crooked smile. “Is it okay that I’m here?”

“Of course it’s okay you’re here!” Eddie shoved his phone in his pocket, jogging down the few steps between him, and Buck. “I just – why are you here? Not that I’m not happy to see you, I just – I don’t understand.”

“You sounded so sad, the last few times we’ve spoken,” Buck explained. “All I’ve wanted to do – since you left, really, but especially since you came out and your parents and everything that happened – is to hug you, Eddie. It’s our first Christmas together, and we weren’t spending it together, and it’s been killing me. I was sitting on Maddie’s couch last night, moping, and she just fixed me with one of those, I’m your big sister and I’m smarter than you looks, and she asked me why I wasn’t with you, and I didn’t have a good answer for why not. So, I booked a flight – and I’m here.”

“You booked a last-minute flight on Christmas Day to see me?” Eddie loved this man so much he could physically burst with it. No one had ever done the whole, grand gesture thing for Eddie – and now, here Buck was, having spent God only knows how much money for a Christmas Day flight just to come and see Eddie. He wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve a man like Evan Buckley – but Eddie would stand there and thank every star in the sky for sending him Buck if it meant he got to keep him forever.

“Eddie,” Buck’s expression was bright, as he answered. “I’d have walked from LA to El Paso if it meant I got to spend Christmas Day with you.”

Eddie would lie and argue the point with his sisters later, but he absolutely, definitely launched himself into Buck’s arms, there and then, wrapping his arms tightly around his boyfriend’s shoulders. “Thank you,” he couldn’t hold the tears in, and they were happy-sad, the weight of an awkward Christmas and six weeks in El Paso not quite lifted, but the happiness of seeing Buck outweighing everything else.

“You don’t have to thank me for loving you,” Buck murmured, pressing a string of kisses to the side of Eddie’s head. “I’m here. I’m here, baby. Merry Christmas.”

Later, Eddie would laugh at the bravery it took to kiss Buck right there and then, on his parents front lawn, with his entire family looking out the living room window to see why Eddie wasn’t coming back inside – but there and then, he didn’t have it in him to care too much about the fact that all of his parents neighbours could see as he pressed his lips to Buck’s in a grateful, messy, somewhat salty kiss.

“Merry Christmas,” Eddie replied, cupping Buck’s face in his hands. He hadn’t gotten to have this, Buck, for long enough before he’d had to get on a one-way flight to El Paso, and so it still felt like a novelty to get to hold him. The blue of Buck’s eyes was brighter than any star, or moon, or planet. Eddie was big enough to admit that was dramatic, but entirely true. He was happy to be dramatic about Buck. “I love you.”

Nothing was better. Objectively, nothing was fixed. Eddie’s son still looked at him sometimes with a coldness that made Eddie’s heart twist in his chest, because he was terrified he wouldn’t be able to fix it, and Eddie’s parents were, well – they kind of sucked, if he was being honest about it – but Buck was there, and he was holding Eddie like he was something precious, and that was everything Eddie needed, there and then.

Buck pressed a kiss to the tip of Eddie’s nose, and Eddie couldn’t help but giggle, the sound bright, and light, in the midst of one of the worst Christmases Eddie had ever had. “I love you more.”

[lilliancdoodles]

FitMC quote book (feel free to add on) Inspired by @hepbaestus

"Your ass is grass and Ramon is the weed wacker"

"im not white im olive"

"I know the Geneva Convention is more like a Geneva Suggestion but.."

"im just a silly little bald boy"

"IT MEANS PUSSY?????????"

"if you disable mines you are disrespecting the entire Hispanic community"

“ARE YOU TRYING TO GIRLBOSS GASLIGHT ME?”

"when im cold I don't joke about murdering children, but thats just me"

"Fit it's time to sin with me" -Phil "you're acting like it's the first time" -Fit

"so much sussy Baka activity"

"I broke Jesus's face.."

"Think of me like an American Philza but im bald and a little more fucked up"

"we got spawn camped by tony the fucking tiger"

"I love balls so much"

"im pretty sure if I tried to do puppy eyes I would look like a crack addict"

"Bad, take your shirt off"

"What did kelp stand for again? 'Kill Every Living Person'?"

"I see TNT explosions that are sexy"

"Sneeg, shut up, im doing gay roleplay right now"

"Ill stop shaking my ass ramon, don't drown yourself please"

"I need my gay support slug"

"No one loves lesbians more than fitmc does"

"My sexuality is wario"

"I want to thank my 𝐵𝓇𝒶𝓏𝒾𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓃 𝐵𝑜𝓎𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹"

“The IRS was like ‘We saw you had a new source of income in 2023, care to explain that?’ And I’m like ‘Yeah, gay minecraft roleplay!’”

"Maidenless runt? I HAVE A BRAZILIAN BOYFRIEND BITCH"

"this cave is full of children and I'm god's hungriest Pitbull"

"do emo kids still exist?"

"Pro-wrestling is Hillbilly Shakespeare"

"i'll be a monkey's bare assed uncle"

"Just think about this Phil, in a few days im gonna get my hands on you"

"Hotdogs are gender-fluid in a way"

"guuuuuuurl same"

"I am crazy, and sexually ambiguous enough to do it."

"You know, just... just raw-dogging life with a smooth brain. It's not easy sometimes but someone's gotta do it."

[ghostgirl-22]

love your writing 🥵

why is there a criminal lack of artrick rimming fics? do you know of any at all? there is so much tongue action too

Okay wait… you’re so right actually

—-

Art always takes a bath on Sunday nights. He spends an hour in the bathroom playing music lounging in the bathtub. When he gets out his skin is flushed and his fingers are pruny and he’s drying his blonde curls with towel while bending over barely covered to pick out his clothes. It’s so fucking distracting it’s a wonder Patrick ever gets any homework done.

This particular Sunday they don’t have school or even practice the next day. It’s Veterans Day or Memorial Day or whichever one’s in November…he always gets confused. And Art still bent in half over his dresser isn’t helping matters.

Patrick sighs. “Hey c’mere,” he says pushing his notebook to the side, fuck it, his English teacher thinks he has ADD anyway.

Art stands up and looks at him. “Do you have my Ramones t shirt still?”

“Probably. Come here.”

“Did you ever wash it?” Art demands walking to where he’s sitting at his desk.

“Probably not. Hey so there’s this thing…this kiss…I want to try it with Madison but I’m scared I’m not gonna be good at it.” Patrick says carefully.

Art nods his head all seriously like he’s just been handed a fun homework assignment, his eyes light up and he licks his lips. Patrick knows he’s probably more intrigued by the idea that it’s something new and Patrick’s admitting he’s not good at it.

“Can we…you know… try it first?”

“Yeah sure,” Art says. It’s Sunday but it’s not a normal Sunday.

“Okay, can we do it now?”

Art looks over at his clothes folded on the bed. He’s so meticulous and neat. But Patrick is an animal and his favorite project is finding new ways to make a mess out of him.

“It’s gonna take like five minutes,” Patrick says, standing up and pulling him towards his own bed. “Can I kiss you?”

Art nods his head. “Okay…yeah sure.” He says allowing himself to be led with reluctant curiosity.

They approach the foot of his bed and Patrick walks behind him. ”Like this…” he says wrapping his arms around Arts firm waist from behind. He presses himself against the swell off his ass and watches Art swallow as he leans in. Art closes his eyes and pouts his lips. Patrick can’t resist… he gives him a peck on the lips and then sinks to his knees behind him.

He eases the towel up Arts thighs.

“Patrick, what are you—” Art says anxiously attempting to turn around.

“Shh. Stay still. Five minutes.”

“I thought you said you wanted to kiss—”

“Yeah a kiss, it’s a little kiss. Can you relax?” Patrick says distractedly looking over Art's bottom. He feels himself getting hard. Art has the perfect ass. Patrick’s missed more than a few shots on the court because of it. He’s spent hours and hours touching himself thinking about pressing his cock inside it.

He kisses one cheek and Art takes a breath. “Patrick you can’t…” He whispers.

“I know,” Patrick sighs and kisses him again and then gently spreads him apart and licks at the perfect pink pucker right in the center. He teases his tongue along the outside…kissing him slowly. It feels better than he imagined.

Art makes a strangled sound and tries to pull away but Patrick follows him. “Please, please lemme kiss you, one kiss, one filthy kiss.” He begs as Art climbs on the bed.

Art whines, “Patrick please— I—I’m gonna—“ his voice is pitched entirely different and his cock is full already, he’s even started dripping. And that’s when Patrick realizes this is a thing.

“It’s okay,” Patrick breathes trying to reconcile this. “It’s okay if you—” he’s not sure what he’s saying anymore. His heads gone fuzzy, his heartbeat’s in his ears drowning out the low volume of the classic rock station playing on the clock radio. Patrick gets behind Art on the bed and starts again, first slowly, then recklessly, pushing his tongue in and out. Licking and sucking like it might go away if he doesn’t get to it fast enough.

“Oh my fucking god,” Art cries. He’s gripping the sheets, knuckles white, helpless little sounds spilling from his lips. He starts shivering, whining, moaning like the girls do on the choppy videos they find on the internet late at night before deleting their search history.

Patrick’s gripping his waist, holding him tight so he can’t leave again. Probably too tight but he’s so fucking lost he’s barely aware of it till Art starts coming. Messy and wet all over Patrick’s bed sheets.

Patrick makes himself stop and licks his lips, wiping his mouth with his wrist. “God you’re so… fucking… sensitive,” Patrick gasps and Art just groans, collapsing on the bed.

Patrick doesn’t need much to bring himself over the edge. Just Art splayed on the bed in front of him all apart, flushed beautifully, breathing heavy, towel barely covering him, jizz still dripping down between thighs. He’s probably ruined this forever because he’s always gonna be thinking of Art. How he looks, how he sounds, how he feels, how he tastes. Patrick loses it all over him, spilling on his stomach, adding to the mess between his legs.

“Fuck,” Patrick breathes.

Art shivers. “You’re so—“ he pushes himself up on his elbows, “Now I have to get in the shower again.”

Patrick huffs a laugh. “I have to change my sheets.” He sighs and dips his finger tip into the pool of come on Arts thighs and tastes it.

“You’re so gross,” Art whispers and he bites his lip.

“And you love it,” Patrick points out.

Arts blushing and he flops back on the bed and covers his face with his arms. “If my mom ever found out I let you…”

“Well I’m certainly not gonna tell her.”

“Yeah but… but now I’ll know and you’ll know and I’m not gonna be able to…” he rubs his eyes and takes a deep breath. “It’s so…dirty.”

“Relax. Go shower again and it’ll all go away… like I never even did it I promise.”

“I really hate you,” Art says and Patrick grins at him.

“Yeah I know, I love you too.”

[911onao3]

I close my eyes and all I see is you, buddie, 3,5k words, mature

“Dad. Has anyone ever told you that you’re gay? I think you might be gay.” Chris finally asks the question we have all wanted to ask Eddie Diaz for years.

“Dad. Has anyone ever told you that you’re gay? I think you might be gay.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m just saying, Dad. It would kinda… track. You know. With your history and everything.”

“Chris, what are you talking about? I’m not gay.”

“Dad.”

“Why would you even think that? I mean, not that there would be anything wrong with that, obviously, I know a lot of gay people and I love them and you know I would still love you if–”

“Dad! I know that, but I’m not gay. You are.”

Eddie pulls the car over. They’re on their way home from the El Paso Museum of Archaeology. After Chris moved in with Eddie and quit playing chess, they’ve been using the newly opened time slot to try to mend their relationship again by trying different things together. Slowly but surely they’ve opened up to each other and Eddie feels like they’re almost back to where they were before everything went down.

They’ve been talking about Shannon. About Kim. You made a mistake, Dad. And I just needed some space. About how Helena and Ramon kept Eddie in the dark and how they had been doing the same to Chris, thinking they were doing what was best for them both. They had been wrong. What was best for Eddie and Chris was for them to just… talk it out. It might not have worked right after it happened, but if Eddie had been brave enough he would have made it happen sooner than this. But he hadn’t been brave enough.

You don’t need to protect me, Dad. But it was hard. Protecting Chris was engraved in Eddie’s whole being. He had sworn from the day Chris was born that he was going to protect him from everything bad this cruel world had to offer, but he had failed, over and over and over again. Leaving him with Shannon. Twice. Having her leave him with Eddie. Leaving for LA with no plan for Chris. The tsunami. Chris running away. Kim. Not stopping Chris from leaving. Not going after Chris when he left. Waiting for Chris to say he wanted to come home. Waiting too long to go back to El Paso. He had failed countless times. The car comes to a stop.

Eddie sighs. “Care to share why you’ve come to this conclusion?”

“I think you’re gay,” Chris says, smiling with his whole face. “And in love with Buck. You’re always talking to him.”

Eddie’s heart skips a beat. Buck? That is, in fact, hilarious, he thinks. He is totally laughing out loud right now, slapping-his-knee-laughing-out-loud. Hollering. Except he’s not. He just sits there, hands still on the wheel, staring at Chris with his eyebrows up to his hairline.

“Dad, come on. It would make a lot of sense.”

“Chris. You know I’m straight. I loved your mom.”

“See? Loved mom. That’s past tense.”

“I will always love your mom.”

“Did you love Ana?”

He hadn’t loved Ana. That’s the reason it didn’t work out. He had wanted to love Ana so badly. She was the picture perfect person for him, and for Chris. Everything he wanted. Or, everything he thought he wanted in a partner. “No, I didn’t.” He owes Chris to be honest with what he does know, after all their progress.

“And Marisol?”

“I– no. No.”

“And Buck?”

His heart skips a beat again. Of course he loves Buck. But not like that .

“Chris. I love Buck, but he and I are just best friends, you know that. Just because he came out as bi doesn’t mean I am too.”

“I know that, dad. I said that you’re gay .”

He groans. “Please stop. We need to get home, it’s getting late.”

“Come on, Dad.”

Eddie signals and pulls out in traffic again. “I’m not gay. Okay? I’ve never even thought about it, anyway.”

Chris huffs. “Well, maybe that’s the point I’m trying to make.”

Eddie just shakes his head and doesn’t say anything. He’s not gay.

-

He’s… maybe a little gay, actually, when he thinks about it.

Eddie went to bed early. Chris was in his room on his computer anyway and was done hanging out with him for the day, and Eddie had no interest in rotting in front of the TV as he had done other nights. And Buck was on shift so he couldn’t talk to him either, not that he wanted to tell Buck about this anyway. He shifts in bed and tries to find a comfortable position, but everything feels uncomfortable. He tries for another ten minutes, maybe, before he gives in and grabs his phone from the bedside table.

“how do you know if you’re gay”

You feel sexually aroused when you see attractive people of the same gender as you. You've had crushes on people of the same gender as you in the past. Your past opposite-sex relationships have felt "off," uncomfortable, or not romantic or sexual. You have sexual fantasies about people of the same gender as you.

Eddie reads that third sentence again. Your past opposite-sex relationships have felt “off”, uncomfortable. Oh. He clicks in on the wikiHow article and scrolls down a little.

4. Reflect on your past relationships and how they made you feel. You can be gay even if you’ve had straight relationships in the past. Okay. Right. He continues reading. Think about who you dated in the past and how comfortable you felt in the relationship. Shannon. He loved her. Ana. She was nice. Marisol. Well. Ask yourself if you felt attracted to this person and what type of attraction you felt. This can help you figure out if you might be queer.

Eddie had been attracted to them. They’d had sex, and it had felt good. Maybe they’d never… done anything more than the normal stuff. He liked going down on them, them going down on him. He liked the way their soft skin felt under his fingers, and how nice it felt to be inside them. But anything else hadn’t really been interesting to him. With Shannon, they were still teens, and after she got pregnant, they tried to sometimes but it had felt wrong. And after Chris was born… he left. And then she left. And came back. And they used sex instead of talking. And with Ana... they didn’t sleep together until a while into their relationship, mostly because of Chris. But Marisol was a different thing. They had so much sex, all the time. But that stopped when he found out about the nun thing. But that was just the Catholic guilt, right? He scrolls down again until he finds something else that sounds interesting.

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Gay? Well. It won’t hurt. First question. Have you ever had feelings for a same-gender close friend?

These answers are… interesting. I think so. That’s why I’m taking this quiz. Well, he had never thought about it before. Wait, what’s the difference between a friendship and a crush? Shannon was his best friend when they got together. She made him feel warm and safe, and she made him laugh. She never made him nervous. Ana and Marisol had made him feel nervous. He had a panic attack at the thought of Ana being Chris’ mom. Marisol made him panic too, eventually. Oh. Don’t think so, but we’re so close people joke that we’re dating. Buck is his best friend. He makes him feel warm and safe. He makes Eddie laugh. Nope. We’re just friends.

He exits the browser and opens up the photos app and scrolls that instead. He doesn’t take that many photos, really, but the ones he has are of Chris, him and Chris, Chris and Buck. Him, Chris and Buck. Buck alone. Eddie takes a deep breath and sighs, long and loudly. Buck.

He rubs his eyes and chuckles, and opens up a picture he took of Buck a while back, standing in Eddie’s kitchen, apron on, holding out a dish looking so proud that Eddie just had to take a picture. Looked like one of those people who pose with a fish. But it’s Buck in an apron and Eddie is… so in love. He doesn’t need the quiz anymore.

He looks at the time and he really did go to bed early, it’s not even nine in LA. He calls Buck.

Buck answers quickly, and he sounds a bit worried. “Hey, Eddie, is everything alright? Is Chris okay?” Oh, right, Buck is on shift. He forgot.

“Everything’s fine! I just… um. How’s it going? You at work?” Eddie swears he needs to stop acting on impulse again.

“We just got back from a call, some kid got stuck in a swing. Got him out, safe and sound!” Buck’s voice is calm again and it makes Eddie’s whole body feel warm, knowing he will always want to know if Chris is okay first. Eddie loves him.

“That’s nice to hear. Kids, man.” Kids, man?

“So, what did you and Chris do tonight?”

“We uh– we went to a museum we haven’t been to before. It was fun. Nothing happened, really.” A lot of things had happened, actually.

“Eddie, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I just wanted to… say hi.” He hesitates for a second and his voice goes a little quieter. “I miss you.”

Buck’s voice is soft when he replies. “I miss you too.” And then the alarm goes off. “I need to go. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Bye, bye, bye!” And he hangs up.

Eddie groans. How could he not know ?

Okay. So, he knows he’s in love with Buck. Chris was right about that. But the gay thing? Is he attracted to Buck? Is he attracted to men ? He had been honest with Chris that he had never thought about it. His mind had never even gone there. But Buck’s hadn’t either. He opens up his browser again, but this time he clicks incognito mode and grabs his AirPods. He only puts in one so he can still hear Chris if he needs something but he won’t risk him hearing what Eddie was about to do.

He’s familiar with the ordeal if he is in a rush to get off and his mind is tired. It isn’t often he does this, usually he does it in the shower. No clean up necessary, as a stress relief after work. When he does do this however, he searches for those real-life couple videos. He likes it when it feels like they actually enjoy it and there’s no exaggerating. This time, however, he adds “gay” to his search. His pulse goes up and he already feels his boxers tightening. Oh, that’s… interesting.

He clicks on a video with a good enough title and a thumbnail that doesn’t look too vulgar. He takes a deep breath and presses play. The two men in the video are on a bed, dressed in t-shirts and sweats, just kissing softly. One of them is stroking the other one’s face with his thumb and the other one’s hand is rubbing his side, fingers slowly exposing skin and Eddie shivers . He’s already hard. This does it for him? When he’s been watching porn before, he usually has to get to the actually fucking parts before he’s even there. He palms himself for relief.

The men in the video start grinding against each other and he can see their hard cocks through their sweats. The one who was rubbing his side slides his whole hand under the shirt and pulls it up, making them break the kiss to remove it. Sitting up, he can clearly see their tented sweats. Eddie groans as quietly as he can, looking over at the door to see that it’s really closed before he starts rubbing at his cock through his boxers.

He continues watching as they undress each other just to their boxers and the one on top has kissed his way down his body to mouth at the wet spot that’s clearly showing. Eddie’s sure his looks the same. He closes his eyes and thinks about Buck doing that to him. His lips would be swollen after all the kissing, his eyes would be big, the arousal making the blue almost disappear. He imagines Buck’s big, calloused hands, fingernails bitten down to the skin, stroking his hard cock through his boxers and he has to put his phone down to the side and put his fist against his mouth to stop the sound coming out from him. The audio keeps playing in his AirPod, but it’s enough. He finally slips his hand inside and wraps it around himself. He thinks about Buck, his hard cock rubbing against his own, their precome mixing, Eddie’s big hands wrapping around them both.

Oh. He’s definitely attracted to Buck. He’s just never… thought about it. And now when he is , he can’t stop. He’s thinking about his eyes, his lips, his birthmark that gets redder when he’s working out. How it would be intensely red during sex. Eddie’s stroking himself fast, imagining how Buck’s body would move against his, how good it would feel to kiss him, to touch him, to be inside him. Eddie comes. Hot and sudden and so intensely fast, just at the thought of fucking Buck. Oh, he’s down bad. The video is still playing in his ear and he’s pretty sure it hasn’t even been five minutes.

So. He’s definitely not straight. Maybe even gay, actually. And he’s in love with Buck. He should get Chris a present.

-

Buck calls him the next day when he gets off shift. Eddie’s dropped Chris off at school and he’s getting himself ready for another day of Uber driving. The only good thing about that is that he can choose his own hours, and right now he can be at home, trying to figure out what to say to Buck. It’s a FaceTime call. Eddie answers. Buck looks so soft.

“Hi.”

“Hey, Eddie. You good?”

He can be brave. This time, he can be brave enough.

“Chris thinks I’m gay. And in love with you.”

He thanks his impulses this time.

“W-what?”

“And he’s right. I am.”

“Eddie, what?”

Eddie takes a breath and he feels his cheeks burn, looking anywhere but directly at Buck.

“Chris asked me if anyone’s ever told me I’m gay. Which no one has, obviously. Never even occurred to me to think that I could be.”

“Eddie–“

“And you know I loved Shannon. She was my best friend.”

“Eddie–“

“And Ana, you know that story. And Marisol–“

“Eddie!”

He looks at Buck again.

“I-I think I’m in love with you too?”

Oh.

“I mean. I couldn’t– I wasn’t– you’re straight. Or was. Maddie told me it wouldn’t be so crazy.”

“You’ve talked to Maddie? About that?”

“Eddie. I-I couldn’t sleep in your house for days after I moved out of the loft. And then I couldn’t shut up about you to Ravi at work and then he brought me Tommy at the bar and w-we hooked up and he left after he accused you of being his competition! The whole time!”

Eddie’s heart beats fast. “You brought… Tommy to the house?”

“That’s not the point, Eddie. He implied I had feelings for you and I said, no, of course I don’t have feelings for you because you’re straight. But–”

“Was that your reason?”

“Uh–”

Eddie starts laughing. Wholeheartedly laughing. For real, this time. “Wait, when does Maddie come in in all of this?”

“I kinda ran to her place after Tommy left and told her what had happened. And I told her I was not in love with you. Because you’re straight.” He pauses. “But you’re not.”

“I’m not.” He feels so high that he doesn’t even try to stop himself from saying it. “I got off thinking about you last night.”

Buck goes bright red. “Oh?”

“I– It was like a light switch, Buck. I had no idea. I’ve never let myself think about it.”

There’s a spark in Buck’s eyes now. The same spark he had seen when he had flipped the iPad in Eddie’s kitchen. “What did you think about, Eddie?”

“Oh. I, um, I watched some porn.” He coughs. “Gay porn. And all I could think about was you. Doing those things. To me.” His face is still burning.

“And you liked it? Thinking about me?”

“You could say that. I don’t even think they were fully undressed by the time I came.” Eddie shifts in his seat, the picture of last night fully in his mind right now. “I only kinda half-listened to it. Was imagining you.”

Buck moans a little. “Oh, and uh, what did I do? In your mind?”

“We were in bed. You on top of me. Kissing my neck… touching me.” Eddie is straining against his jeans, desperate to touch himself. Buck looks like he is in a similar situation, his face flushed and, yeah, his birthmark does in fact, get redder during arousal. “I could fit my hands around us both.” He finally gives in and zips down his jeans, freeing himself and puts his hand around his swollen cock again. The relief is instant and he moans very loudly. “And then I lost it when I imagined fucking you.”

Buck groans at that. “ God , Eddie, I want you to fuck me.”

“I don’t want to think about God right now, Buck. Not in the same sentence as fucking you.”

Buck snorts. “Sorry. Forgot you have that Catholic guilt thing going on.”

That gets another genuine laugh out of Eddie. “I love you, Buck. No Catholic guilt about that. It’s in fact the most not guilty I’ve ever felt about anything.” And he means it.

He gets a soft look up at him. “I– I love you too, Eddie. I think I didn’t let myself think about it because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop, if I did.”

“Do you want to come and visit us soon?”

“What I would like to do, right now, is to come , Eddie. We can talk about visiting after. Please .”

Eddie scoffs. “Yeah. Okay. I’m right there with you.” He points his camera down at his cock. “See?” The precome is literally dripping.

Buck lets out a sound he’s never heard him make before and does the same. “I wish I could touch you. I want to suck you off. I need to suck you off.”

“Keep talking, Buckley,” he says, and the look he gets as a response is everything. His mind goes back to the night when Buck told him he was going to sublet his house and giving up a part of his life for him. Eddie loves him so much, and he wonders for how long he actually has. Probably always.

Buck is stroking himself fast now, panting into the microphone. The camerawork is under all criticism but Eddie doesn’t care. He knows he doesn’t need much now, either. Seeing Buck like this is enough. “I am going to suck you off until you see stars and then I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me so deep that you will never want to do anything else ever again.”

Eddie groans loudly as he comes all over his hand. Buck seems to follow right after, phone tossed to the side as the wet sounds stop. A moment later, he’s back on the screen, face flushed and his bottom lip caught on his teeth. They’re just looking at each other now, and they both chuckle. “That was… nice.” Eddie says. “Can’t wait for us to do it for real.” Buck somehow nods and shakes his head at the same time.

“Yeah. I have some PTO saved.” Buck says. “I think Bobby will gladly approve it, after these weeks. He too got an earful of your name the first shift after you left, not just Ravi. But he also kept calling for you instead of him. Poor guy, really, big shoes to fill. I should apologize.” Buck looks like he really feels bad about it.

“If we play our cards right, maybe he doesn’t need to fill them. Maybe he could join us instead.” Eddie smiles fondly as he says the next thing. “I have a feeling Chris would love it if you were to help me ask him if he wants to come home to LA after all of this.”

“Yeah?” Buck’s eyes literally sparkle.

“And I kind of want to keep this a secret until we pick you up from the airport, making a big scene of you arriving, just kissing you like we’re long lost lovers. Or something like that.”

Buck’s face scrunches a little in concern. “Are you sure you want to lie to him again?”

“I think this is the only thing he would find hilarious if we kept from him. As long as you visit, like, as soon as you can because I’m not sure I will be able to keep it a secret for too long. He will notice something is up. Oh, and you need to help me find something nice for him. I need to thank him.”

“For what? Making you gay?”

“For being the best kid in the world.”

[srue-on-fire]

hold my wips while i rant about ramon fucking diaz.

honestly, ramon isn’t a diaz man in my eyes. he’s not even human at this point. everyone loves to talk about how helena is such a bitch, how she was cruel and demanding and impossible to please —and yeah, she was. but people forget that venom doesn’t always come with a hiss. sometimes it comes with a soft voice and a hand on your shoulder, on the neck, right before it twists the knife.

“[…] like you came around.”

he’s the kind of man who makes you feel like you came to the decision, like you chose to give in. he never raises his voice, never looks angry. no, he just sighs. quietly. sadly. he’ll look at you like he’s disappointed —not in what you did, but in himself, like he failed you. and suddenly you’re the one apologizing, scrambling to fix something he never even had to name.

that’s his trick. guilt. manipulation wrapped in affection.

he tells eddie something along the lines, “i know your mother can be harsh,” and for a second, it feels like solidarity —like he’s on eddie’s side. but when helena goes too far? he says nothing. he doesn’t defend eddie, doesn’t speak up, doesn’t change anything. because that would require effort.

that would mean standing up to someone instead of quietly shaping the narrative to serve himself.

ramon paints himself as the good guy. the understanding one. the father who gets it. but he only “gets it” when it makes eddie drop his guard —when it opens him up enough for ramon to slip in the knife. He never directly tells eddie what to do. he doesn’t have to. he just makes sure that doing anything but what he wants feels like betrayal. like failure. like eddie is the one walking away from the man who “loves him.”

it’s subtle. it’s silent. and it works. gods, does it work.

that’s what narcissists like ramon do. they don’t break you openly. they make you think the cracks are your own fault.

and to see eddie raising above it all? to give them back only love and kill them with kindness? it’s fucking poetic to me.

[whore-ibly-hot]

Does Ramon forces feliz to mary reader and how would the dynamic be after they get married ???

He's gentle, very gentle. Feliz is terrified that you being officially married into his family will only serve to harm you. Rebels might want to hurt you, you could be hurt by someone looking to make an impression in his dad's cabal, his father could hurt you.

That is what terrifies him most, the idea of his father taking you again. He wants to be the only one to please you, to strengthen that bond.

But oh... a part of him is thrilled the day of the wedding. He's a hopeless romantic, the sensitive son of Dela Marina. He's all hands in on wedding planning, and he wants you to be involved too. He thinks maybe allowing you to plan will make you feel like you're more in control, like this was something you agreed to rather than a sick political alliance thought up by his father and yours. He wants to combine your culture and his.

"The red is nice, yeah?" He asks, nudging you slightly. You've been despondent so far, just look away, drained. He frowns and turns to the wedding planner. "She's feeling a bit unwell, maybe we can reschedule?" The wedding planner agrees and rushes off. "Please..." he takes your hand, his own sweaty. He still can't get used to the idea he can just touch you whenever he feels like. "We have to do this either way, a-and I want to make it as good for you as I can but I can't if you won't help me help you." He begs.

You cast a weak glance over. "Red is fine." You drawl, and his shoulders relax a bit. He goes into denial again, just like that night when he deluded himself into believing you were enjoying his touch. "Good, good! Okay, red, we can decide on a secondary color later, I think red will look nice." He kisses your forehead, relishing in the way your soft skin feels.

After marriage, he'd be just as attentive, everytime he returns from a day of lessons or work with his father he acts as though it's been months without you. He insists you sit at the absurdly large formal dining table, but with him at the head and you right next to him. He enjoys sharing cultural meals with you rather than the fancy, elegant dishes the chef could serve. "I-its a way to connect to the people, to-to the soul of Dela Marina. Here, you take this- then dip it in this, use your hands."

He'd like to have a baby, he hopes if you're pregnant maybe it will even further deter his father from lusting over you. He's sure it will also please his father that another heir has been produced so quick. A grandson or granddaughter. And you'd look so pretty pregnant, with a little Feliz in you.

He wants to have sex. To be with you, but he won't touch you till you let him. He'll touch himself, hide his arousal but he'd hate, HATE, to make you relive that night. So for now, hands to himself.

Overall, he won't change that much. He's just more eager to try and calm you, to be the husband and lover you need. He adores you, but... deep down he knows he's keeping your gilded cage locked. He is his fathers son.