#rakhali

[overwhelmedgothickmewtwo]

Me and my mortal bae 🖤

[voidedhandshake]

Every day my orbiter grows more haunted

[ashlynniis-bracketeers]

memeframe link - theodysseyhadapurpose link

Ride for death, Rakhali!

I fear that my Project Moon brain-rot has become terminal, because this is the first thought I had when I saw that new decoration. This is stupid

[spacemagictea]

The Meaning of Your Name

After the previous part I immediately set out to writing this part, which is what I wanted to write the most from the stories about the two lovebirds.

Enjoy part 3 of Eye of the Storm, story of Amir Beckett and Kaylessa the Drifter.

Fluff and cheese inbound.

The Meaning of Your Name

May 15th, 1999

Last few weeks have been fairly calm for the Hex, effective strikes against purge squads leaving Scaldra command no other choice than to lick their wounds and recruit new members for the meat grinder. This gave Kaylessa more time to spend with the rest of the Hex, and she considered all of them her genuine friends. But nobody else she enjoyed spending more time with than with Amir. Whether it was her talking about her favorite animals and plantlife she read about in books stolen from an abandoned bookstore while he was playing games in the arcade or him visiting her in her cozy backroom, showing her movies, cartoons and comics he loved or talking about tech in general, the closeness and spark between them was something she could not deny. They were truly open and vulnerable with each other like with nobody else, talking about their experiences, their nightmares, their joys and their sadness.

And after the situation that almost got Amir captured, Kaylessa could swear she’s been purposefully assigned to missions with him and with him only. And that was not helped with the fact whenever she came to visit Arthur and Aoi and Eleanor were present, the women gave her knowing looks and smiles.

For months her feelings towards the Hex tech specialist grew. He was so much more than a friend. And yet, she lacked the courage to admit her feelings to his face for far too long. No more. It reached a boiling point for her that she had to finally confess, no matter the response. Pondering how to confess, the Drifter decided to pay Eleanor a visit. And she had an idea in mind.

-Hey Ellie. Since you’re a writer I was wondering if I could ask you a question that’s a bit… language related?- while she asked the question mostly to see if she could find a hook for asking out Amir, she was genuinely curious about the languages of the Old World too.

‘Color me curious, Kay. I do know a little bit of this and that, comes with the profession.’ Eleanor’s mind voice sounded very amused and she gave Kay a knowing look that caused the red haired woman to blush.

-Do names have… meaning in the Old World? Let me explain with an example, perhaps. There’s a Warframe, named Dagath, whose name has a long story to it. And her name means “the mirror that accuses”. She also has a ghost steed named Rakhali whose name means “freshness-after-rain”.- Kay tilted her head with a smile. -Yes, there’s a certain purpose to this question but I’m actually curious.

‘I’d definitely like to hear that story. Yes, they do, though there probably isn’t any magic to it. For example, Lettie’s name means “happiness, joy”. Aoi means “blue.” Quincy’s name probably comes from “five” in Latin. Arthur’s name comes from an ancient legendary king, while mine’s of French origin, but I don’t know the exact meaning.’ 

Kay could feel the purposeful suspense for the name she wanted to hear the most.

-What about Amir?- the mention was enough to bring heat to her cheeks.

‘That one means “prince” or “commander”. How romantic of him to… command your heart like that.’ - an honest laughter filled Kay’s mind and she was also quite amused at the joke, giggling in response while pretending to be embarrassed.

-Eleanor! Well, you aren’t wrong. Yes, that’s exactly what I was looking for. Now, let me tell you that story in return for this favor- Drifter frankly itched to tell the full story as she found it fascinating so all in all, it was a great time for her.

After a joyful storytime, she headed for Aoi’s music store that was also her room. She was greeted with the sight of Aoi folding beautiful metal cranes. Seeing a pile of these cranes nearby, she looked in awe at the graceful craft.

-Hey, Kay, what’s up?- Aoi’s greeting broke the Drifter off the train of thought and she smiled awkwardly, looking up to meet Aoi’s eyes.

-Hey, Aoi. I was wondering if I could get some… guidance?- Kay purposefully toned down her voice, as if a bit afraid Amir would hear them from the arcade. -It’s about… Amir.

-Ah, sweets, you finally worked up the courage?- Aoi matched the Drifter’s low tone, making her feel like she was a part of the conspiracy. -If you ask me, just be honest. Wear your heart on your sleeve, just like he does.

Kay nodded, as if she realized this was the most obvious thing that she just… didn’t think of.

-Yeah… you’re right. I think I’ve just been afraid of rejection the entire time, but I cannot hold it anymore. So I’ll go and be honest, regardless of what the answer is.- Kay remarked, the response sinking in fully and then giving her friend a cheerful grin -Before I head to meet my fate, why don’t you show me what new tracks you’ve found recently?

—

Sun was starting to set over Höllvania when Kaylessa left Aoi’s music store, filled with glee over time spent with her friends. She took a deep breath as she stood in front of Amir’s arcade, knowing it was time to take this final step. Whatever happened, she hoped that it wouldn’t change her relationship with Amir for worse.

Heart pounding, she entered. Seeing Amir particularly focused on the Caliber Chicks 2 cabinet, she decided to not disturb his focus and wait for him, leaning against the wall near the entrance and watching him play. The dim lights highlighted his sleek face and it felt like the most beautiful thing in existence. Looking at him felt like a balm to her heart and a smile sprang on her face.

After a while, a Game Over screen flashed on the screen and Amir looked up, his focus breaking off from the screen. Feeling a presence, he glanced to the side and saw Kaylessa, who in her usual “don’t want to disturb you” way stood there waiting for him to finish his game round. His heart skipped a beat, a spark in her green eyes showing up as their gaze met. He utterly adored her sweet and gentle nature, her endless patience with him, how she selflessly tried to take care of everything and everyone… and yet, she seemed to neglect herself so often. And beneath it all there was a capable and strong woman, a survivor, an embodiment of “don’t judge a person by the first look”.

-I hope my favorite chronospatial freakshow was not waiting for me too long!- he turned towards her, quite excited she was here wanting to spend time with him.

-I can wait as long as I need to, Amir.- Kay giggled, standing up and stepping a bit closer. -I’ve got something to… tell you?

-I’m all ears.- Amir tilted his head but he could feel his heart beating faster now. The air between them was electrifying, not in a literal sense, but it felt like it could be. He knew this was something big.

-Well… I don’t think it’s any secret that I care about you a lot. But…- she put her hand on her chest where the heart is, looking down to regain her composure before meeting his eyes again, her cheeks blazing hot and red.  -What I want to say is that I care about you more than as a friend. Will you be my prince, Amir? Can I give you command of my heart?- His eyes widened in shock and surprise, a blush springing up on his face too.

‘Gods, could I be more embarrassingly cheesy?’ Kay thought to herself, expecting that she completely fumbled, but what she saw instead was elated disbelief.

-Oh wow, oh-oh wow.- Amir stood still and yet it seemed like he’s going to start running around at any moment in pure excitement. And that encouraged the Drifter to push her words in further.

-I love you, Amir Beckett. I want you and me… to be us.- her heart now wanted to jump out of her and waiting for his response, however brief, felt like an eternity.

-M-me? Really? U-us? Oh… Ohh…YES!- the enthusiastic response finished with Amir leaping towards Kaylessa and taking her into a tight embrace faster than she could even blink. She sighed with relief, wrapping her arms around him too. And as her brain was trying to process everything, she was swept off her feet as he effortlessly picked her up and spun around with her before placing her back down and leaned towards her ear, his voice now a whisper. -I love you too, Kaylessa. I love you too, my sweet angel from the future.

He picked her up again, speeding over to the terrace atop the mall. Warm sunset rays cast their gleam over the pair as Amir gently placed Kaylessa back on her feet and pulled her closely, taking off his glasses. He leaned his forehead on hers, Kay running her hand through his hair. Their hearts soared, her green eyes locked in with his grey eyes. He cupped her cheek and the world felt like it stopped as their lips met. At first softly, like the beams of Sol shining on them, the kiss got deeper and more insistent as their yearning, their need for each other they held onto for such a long time surfaced and bubbled over.

When they finally broke the kiss, quietly gasping out each other’s names, Amir broke the silence, his eyes filled with loving excitement. 

-This… This is everything I dreamed about butIdidnotdarehopeitcouldbearealityandyet… here you are.

-I am not even sure why I was so afraid of telling you. But I couldn’t be happier that I finally did. Granted, it took a lot of encouragement from Eleanor and Aoi.- Kay’s response made them both laugh before they turned their heads to watch the last rays of the setting Sol, wrapped in each others’ embrace. And all felt right in the world now.

[replicafatale]

Dagath, a cavarlywoman left hollow after her betrayal, seeks comfort in the arms of a formidable gunslinger.

Dagath/Mesa, Warframe, 1k words. yuri. 💕 Alt link: AO3

-- Rakhali’s outer plates gleam beneath the harsh glare of the Duviri sun, shifting with the playful trot of her hooves. She is excitable today — no doubt from the Child King’s own jubilance, cast across the endless skies, influencing the whims of all that reside within Duviri.

From the thin roots of the flowerbeds to the colossal serpentine Orowyrms soaring overhead, a sense of tranquility hangs in the air. Such comfort is alluring.

Dangerous.

It echoes of a time that feels both so distant and yet exactly right here.

Sweet thing. Tender petal.

Dagath commands Rakhali to her side with the light pull of her lead; a winding, bright strand of tendrils, emanating from Dagath’s fingertips. Rakhali resists with a turn slow of her head, putting tension on the lead. Dagath tries once more. She has done this so many times before; Rakhali never pulls back.

Your name...? Ha—no, no, our little sweetness. No need.

Another pull of the strands. Not forceful, but desperate.

Return to me, Dagath pleads with the Kaithe, Please, please.

Rakhali does not return. She kicks out her back legs in a stern act of defiance; without warning, Dagath’s memories begin to swarm with more volatility than before.

No more than just words, she feels them: the rumbling vibrations of her loves’ voices in each ear, their wandering hands. Their words, filled with such malice, yet so different from the softness of their touch.

Names are too powerful. We needn’t give you more than you require. 

The skies begin to turn. A change from the King — his volatile moods rippled all through the lands. Sorrow, this time. Or maybe anger. Perhaps Rakhali was the first to feel his shift — or perhaps Dagath is so dead and empty she would never feel the change at all.

Pet, pet, pet. So strong and skilled. A wild rider in the planes. Yet such a sweet thing, really.

My name, please, Dagath begs the memory. I am more than a pet to you.

The memory does not show mercy.

Such a sweet perfect thing.

Dagath relinquishes Rakhali’s lead.

The circumstances of her death flash before her in rapid sequence: the bloody corpse of Rakhali, the sight of her own injuries — being forged from flesh to metal at the behest of those that seek to harm her most — only for them to exact that fate upon her once more. Restrains at her sides. The lining of a barrel before her face —

— the flash —

And nothing.

The trauma is too much to process. Dagath drops to her knees, limbs limp at her sides. Her head hangs forward, harboring the gaping hole punched through skull.

Without a face she still longs to cry; without a nose she smells the sickly heat of the laser. Without eyes, she sees the faces of her lovers contorted in disgust. Their faces never leave her; the remnants of her human soul remain coiled to the metal remnants of her frame.

It feels perilous to continue.

Perilous to try.

Dagath remains rooted to the spot. Nothing compels her to move. To fight, to explore, to thrive and live like she once did. Not even the sound of footsteps drawing near is enough to rouse her from this paralysis.

But Rakahli is enough. She pushes her nose against Dagath’s head. When Dagath doesn’t respond, she does so again — and that what makes the difference. Even with their deprived attempts to steal her joy, Dagath’s past loves did not succeed in claiming Rakhali. Even as a phantom, she is still here, she will always be here; Dagath will never be alone.

Dagath lifts her head.

A figure stands beside Rakhali.

They’re not one of the King’s thralls.

They’re not a threat.

She’s — another frame, much like herself. Tall and lithe where Dagath is more broad and fuller, the second warframe — known as Mesa — keeps Rakhali calm as Dagath recovers.

Mesa’s experience with creatures like the Kaithe becomes obvious within moments. She does not seek to control and restrain Rakhali like a tool; she is mindful, considerate of her temperament. She pets the side of Rakhali’s head but withdraws her hand the second the Kaithe shakes her off.

Mesa catches Dagath’s attention. She asks of the Kaithe.

Hey. What’s her name?

Dagath lingers, stunned for a second. You asked her name, she nearly blurts, but withholds the communication. Instead, Dagath collects herself, and replies in kind:

Her name is Rakhali.

It means: ‘freshness-after-rain’.

Mesa replies with an enthusiastic nod, seemingly approving of the choice. She whispers Rakhali’s name, petting the sides of the Kaithe’s face. Soon, Rakhali relaxes, no longer unsettled by the change in Duviri.

Well done, Rakhali.

Dagath tries to stand. She struggles to find her strength; to piece the fragmented parts of herself back together.

Much like the skies, her memory resolves itself in a thick, grayish haze. No longer clear. Difficult to recall. Just patches faintly visible through the thin membrane woven between steel and viscera. A small part of a much more complex being. A being that cannot be broken.

I got the Kaithe’s name, but I didn’t get yours. Mesa says, offering her hand. What should I call you?

If Dagath still had her face, it is here that she would smile. A fleeting moment of acknowledgement — an appeal to see her as more than just an object, a pet, a tool.

I am Dagath, she replies as Mesa pulls her up. Would you like to tame a Kaithe?

My wranglin’ days are behind me. Mesa taps her chin, thinking. Maybe... I’ll see if one likes me first.

Dagath pulls up on Rahkali’s back, settling the saddle. She taps the space behind her. Come. I will take you to a stable. You would pair well with a Kaithe.

Sure thing. Mesa retorts, lighter, and pulls up to sit behind her. Mind if a latch on?

...

You may.

Mesa wraps her arms around Dagath’s waist for stability. She leans in, somehow warm despite her cold, metallic composition.

Dagath does not recoil; the proximity is a welcome change from her isolation. She takes Rakhali to the skies in one running gallop, and no longer is Dagath bound by the crippling remnants of her betrayal. Not for now, at least; and with her new companion in tow, perhaps not again for a while.

[show-me-hole]

The Big Hole, Kimberly Mine, Northern Cape, Kimberly, South Africa.

In operation from 1871-1914, The Kimberly Mine was an open pit diamond mine with a maximum depth of 240 meters (790 ft). Most of the miners were Bathoso (one of the many ethnic groups oppressed, abused, and dehumanized during the apartheid) men who associated mining with death and danger (as one should). A miner's poem follows:

"Death does not choose; famine chooses.

I was going to my mother quietly:

"Mother, take a letter for me,

I am going to DeBeers (mines).

Scarify me with qetella pele

['finish first' medicine],

So that these multitudes should follow my lead."

Other men's villages are not entered freely,

Lad, the day I'm going, I mount to ride away,

A woman of witchcraft was already hard at work;

I saw her early going to the graveyard,

She puts on a string skirt fastened with knots,

She takes the arm of the corpse and waves it,

A mouthful of blood, she spits into the air,

She says, "Men gone to DeBeers.

They can come home dead from the mines."

To me, Child of Rakhali

I am not dead; even now I still live,

I am a wanderer of the mines; Sootho"

— Coplan 1995: 33

Those who died in the mine were buried in unmarked, mass graves. Their history shall not be erased.

[Feel free to add corrections and additional information concerning apartheid, the Kimberly Mine and/or the Bathoso.]

[snugglebuddyhan]

Saw some people in warfame talking about how uncool Dagath looks, bc of the massive hole in her head, said it ruined her design and idk, her lore imo makes her look all the more interesting to me

Her lovers "made a deal with an unknown master of industry, and took the rider to his facility. There, she was secured with restraints, and killed via a disintegration beam to the face, which burned a hole clean through her head"

Which is sinister as fuck. Every time I imagine the scenario playing out in my head I physically gag. Like, my stomach flipped when I first read her story. I had to do a double take to make sure I read it right, bc of how shocking it was

"However, the Warframe survived, and clambered out of the facility's trash heap"

"She would remember what her masters had done to her, and with a head full of despair and betrayal, the renegade summoned a ghostly Rakhali to her side. Before the following sunrise, she took revenge on Corphel and Irilia, leaving them as faceless as she was"

And THAT'S how you take revenge folks!

"She would ride throughout the land, her empty face acting as a mirror to show others their sins – and always ready to deliver the sentence thereafter"

Like, come on! Her design is badass. The hole in her head is unsettling, but in a fascinating way. I wished there were more players willing to take time out of their day to scroll through and read about the warframes in the wiki, bc uncool should be the last thing coming out of your mouth when talking about Dagath

[ayushrakhalir]

Ayush Rakhali R Is Now On Tumblr! We’ll I Don’t Do Fanart Here I Just Answer Questions Here With Other People

[gameforestdach]

Die kalten Nächte des Oktobers bringen eine aktualisierte Erfahrung für Tenno-Krieger in der ganzen Galaxie. Warframes spektakuläres Halloween-Event, Nights of Naberous, ist zurück! Mit der Enthüllung des Abyss of Dagath Updates sind Spieler auf gespenstisch gute Zeiten eingestellt. Bist du bereit, tief in den Abgrund einzutauchen? Triff Dagath: Der neueste Warframe, der das Universum heimsucht. Einzigartige Fähigkeiten: Dagath bringt mehr als nur Angst auf das Schlachtfeld. Neue Pakete und Sammlungen: Verstärke deine Ausrüstung mit diesen eiskalten Ergänzungen. Qualitäts-Updates: Verfeinertes Erlebnis für Hydroid Warframe und Begleiter. Immersionale Erkundung: Die Geheimnisse von Dagaths Hohlraum warten. Triff Dagath: Die gespenstische neue Ergänzung zur Warframe-Aufstellung https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3DUkRQ2kKs Geradewegs aus einem Horrormärchen kommend, ist Dagath, der kopflose Reiter-Warframe, hier, um Spieler mit seiner eisigen Präsenz zu fesseln. Mit den mächtigen Wyrd-Sensen bewaffnet, sieht Dagath nicht nur furchteinflößend aus, sondern ist auch eine Macht, mit der man rechnen muss, insbesondere wenn er sein angeborenes Viral-Schadenspotential nutzt. Einzigartige Fähigkeiten: Dagaths furchterregendes Arsenal Zu Dagaths Reizen gehören seine exklusiven Fähigkeiten, die darauf ausgelegt sind, Gegner einzuschüchtern und zu überwältigen. Zu seinen herausragenden Kräften gehören: Grabgeist: Steigere deinen kritischen Schaden und entfessele Chaos wie nie zuvor. Rakhalis Kavallerie: Schicke die gespenstischen Phantom Kaiths aus, um nicht nur Schaden zu verursachen, sondern auch Gegner zu debuffen, was Dagath einen Vorteil im Kampf verschafft. Neue Pakete und Sammlungen: Steigere deine Warframe-Ästhetik Warframes Halloween-Feier geht nicht nur um Schrecken; es geht auch darum, deinen Stil zu zeigen. Mit den neuen Paketen können Spieler ihr Spielerlebnis verbessern. Bemerkenswerte Sammlungen beinhalten: Dagath-Sammlung zum Preis von 580 Platin: Tauche tief in die Lore von Dagath mit diesem exklusiven Paket ein. Tag der Toten V: Komplette Sammlung für 270 Platin: Begrüße die gespenstische Jahreszeit mit dieser umfassenden Sammlung. Chiroptera-Sammlung für 145 Platin: Erhöhe deine Ästhetik mit diesem einzigartigen Set. Qualitäts-Upgrades: Verbesserung des Warframe-Erlebnisses Mit Abyss of Dagath haben sich die Entwickler nicht nur auf das Neue konzentriert; sie haben auch das Alte verfeinert. Qualitätsverbesserungen wurden für den Hydroid Warframe eingeführt, um ein flüssigeres Erlebnis für engagierte Spieler zu gewährleisten. Darüber hinaus erhalten Begleiter auch Anpassungen und Verbesserungen, die ein integrierteres Spielerlebnis versprechen. Immersionale Erkundung: Tauche in Dagaths Hohlraum ein Schließlich, für Spieler, die darauf brennen, Geheimnisse zu erkunden und aufzudecken, wurde Dagaths Hohlraum, ein neuer Dojo-Raum, eingeführt. Hier k��nnen Tenno-Krieger nicht nur erkunden, sondern auch Tribut zollen, was das Erlebnis sowohl immersiv als auch emotional berührend macht. Megan Everett, Community-Direktorin, betonte wunderschön die thematische Ausrichtung dieser Ergänzung zur gespenstischen Jahreszeit und sorgte daf��r, dass Spieler das Halloween-Feeling in jeder Ecke des Spiels spüren. Bist du bereit, den gespenstischen Geheimnissen und Herausforderungen, die der Abyss of Dagath zu bieten hat, entgegenzutreten? Rüste dich aus, tauche ein und vergiss nicht, deine gespenstischen Geschichten aus der Tiefe darunter zu teilen!

[zamilemzizi]

A trip down lockdown memory lane!

A trip down memory lane

As my business steadily builds itself back up, with a new face and some Covid-influenced changes, I look back at what it was like for a few months last year as just the “Mom.” The South African lockdown, one of the strictest in the world at that time, forced most of us Marketing and PR SME owners to close our doors and focus on creating a safe and “new normal” environment for ourselves and our families.

My parents both contracted the Corona Virus and so, it was left up to me to care for ALL five grandchildren for a few months. Including my own children, I had two five-year-olds’ (one boy; Wandi and one girl; Koli), one nine-year-old girl (Thotse), a twelve-year-old girl (Lungi) and the legend himself, my two-year-old son (Bugsy) whom you will have read a lot about on my personal Facebook page. As if that was not enough, we rescued an eight-week-old puppy (Luna) too!

Being a person known for preferring the company of all the Mzizi grandchildren, I was up for the challenge of this time spent being reacquainted with the daily struggle of just-being-the-mom-with-no-work without the pressure of having to go to work.

I acknowledge that my experience of this time is grossly different to that of a majority of my fellow countrymen/women, who struggled to make ends meet. Zam’s Hive started a fund, which generously received funds donated by almost ALL of my clients, close friends and colleagues from my place of work. We used these funds to assist families who wrote in via WhatsApp and SMS stating what their urgent needs were and paired them with the correct donor. I was astounded at how the people I knew were able to look beyond their own experience of the Lockdown, and were able to give the little (or lot) that they had to keep hope alive.

However, being the stay-at-home mom yielded quite a few hilarious experiences, which naturally, I shared on social media as they happened. Here are some of these posts. I hope they make you chuckle a bit at my expense. I hope they remind you that no matter how bleak the situation, our inner circle, our families, our children, the people that matter most to us are the ones we should keep our focus on.

How the wars began…

Wandi’s benevolent fart

Raising boys is a BREEZE!

My Wandi has reached that age where every hug and cuddle is a conscious decision on his part to be with me. It says, ' I choose to be near YOU. I choose you, mommy'

So imagine my joy as I was working in my office and my big boy chose that moment to sit on my lap...

He sat facing me, flashed his special smile and said' 'Mommy, let me show you how much I love you'

He put his hands on my shoulders and closed his beautiful brown eyes. I could see him mentally reaching deep within himself in order to share what he had to say. Then...

I felt it. A persistent drill-like hammering on my sturdy thigh where his bony bum was perched.

The stench was instant and the fog it created in my mind was confusion personified. I could not immediately compute that my baby came all this way just to fart on me. As realization dawned on me, my little angel held onto me just a little bit tighter to keep me in place as the hammer-drill was still operating. My thin leggings were no barrier from the barrage of bodily functions battering my poor skin.

During this assault, Wandi did not change his facial expression at all. He looked like a little Buddha bestowing a blessing upon a lesser mortal.

When he was done, he nimbly sprang off my leg and bestowed a beguiling cherubic smile upon me. Slowly reversing from the room with his cheesy smile and eyes closed, he blessed me with his benevolent ' enjoy the smell mommy' and quietly closed the door.

Bugsy drinks shit water

I'm on my knees begging for this changeling to be taken. Return Bugsy pre-terrible twos to me please!

I went into the toilet for a teensy while. I'd been holding it in for some time chasing my kids around. To my knowledge, fake Bugsy was safely chilling on my bed.

As my empty bladder and I float out the bathroom, changeling proudly displays a cup of water he is drinking...now this is a problem because all taps and cups are beyond his reach. This cup looks like the dirty one I ignored on the floor a teensy while back- are you judging me Karen?!

I frantically urge fake son to show me if he got water from the other toilet. He proudly replies, ' I no drink here Wandi peepee here' This is good. It's great actually. Wandi has diarrhea and drinking from his toilet could kill someone. Never mind Corona.

So I drag the smirking not-really-my-son into the kitchen to wash this mysterious cup. At this stage I'm fuming at the lord thinking 'turn this crap into wine NOW'

As I wash the still alcohol free cup, I turn to find swopped-at-birth guy smacking his lips and drinking from the bucket mqobothi style.

MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT!

I used water and Jik to clean dog poop just now. I spilled the water but clearly not all of it. What's worse here? Jik poisoning or dog poop poisoning?

The terror child is ok. I gave him milk and surrendered the rest to his creator.

I'm ok. I have a new twitch in my eye and I think I might have peed my pants a little. But otherwise baaah I'm good.

No really.

Just fine.

Look- fake son took the tin of milk and smeared the stuff on himself.

I'm just FINE!

Then the tensions were rising

The stand off

In a bid to demonstrate his defiance of my authority, my two year old has taken the long life milk and some shopping bags to an undesirable corner of the house. He has boldly announced that, 'I puttinnnin me in noty cona' This is his strategy to deprive my authority of putting him in a corner myself. The standoff continues...

Sulking in the shower

I swear I don't make this stuff up...

Wandi just played with matches and his cousins came to tell on him. Naturally I gave him 'the look' times 10. He says to me,

'I know you're cross with me and wont talk to me.'

He stalks off to the shower and sits there while singing his new and spontaneously composed struggle song. The words weren't too clear but this is what I heard:

Take me away in peace, take me away in peace.

 Please note he has taken to eating some of his meals in this shower.

Can someone please send me a bottle of gin??!      Its for the kids.

 The breaking point

Exacting revenge in small ways

My kids broke my hair clippers machine while I was cutting them. So now I'm leaving them with unfinished cuts because one needs to take revenge wherever the opportunity may present itself-even if it's your own kids. They think they know me. Mxim!

 Mom flu strike

I've been in bed with flu for a week now. During this my kids haven't given me an inch of space and rest.

I'm still a horse, jungle gym, chef, personal snot cleaner and unwilling audience to dance shows and song decompositions.

Tonight was just the worst! I went to the chemist for more meds and so needed a nap from the trip. Only to realize that I'd over slept and it was supper time.

After a mad dash to cook, serve and feed the royal highnesses, I'd had enough.

Where am I now? What am I doing now? These are all relevant questions I'm happy to answer for you.

I'm in my bedroom. For the first time since I became a mother, I have done the only sensible thing a tired parent can do...

I'VE LOCKED MY BEDROOM DOOR BIYAAACHES!

The situation update is as follows:

Hostile!

1.  Two year old has attempted breaking door down

I DON'T CARE!

2. Five year old has resorted to creepy body plastering against door and quietly chanting 'mooommyyyy can we have ice cream while you die?'

I  DON'T   CARE

3. In a rare show of solidarity the boys are now howling like wolves outside the door, throwing in the odd 'moooommmy where are youuuu'

I    D O N T   C A R E!

4. Nine year old niece has increased the volume and frequency of her coughing

IIIIIIIII DOOOOOOOONT CAAAAAAARE!

I'm at peace in my warm bed. Let the siege continue I have all that I need in here. A bathroom, all the toilet paper in the house, the only phone with airtime and did I mention -I'm the only person tall enough to cook. Muhahuahua!

They will know me!

 The resolution?

Wandi prays for peace

So as usual the kids were acting up and driving me crazy before bedtime. This time however, the transgressions were extreme.

Someone didn't pee INSIDE the toilet but decided to mark his territory next to it instead.

Another decided to generously leave food on a dinner plate and put it in the kitchen sink for Santa maybe.

Another was dejectedly roaming the passage without pajama bottoms like a homeless person. Left to wander the night in shame and bottomlessness.

This was the last straw and I blew my top off.

EVERYONE TO BED WITHOUT A STORY NOW!

Even the little one understood that Armageddon was nigh, and scurried into bed as fast as his fat stubby legs could carry him (only half way up the bed usually).

In an unusually respectful and hesitant tone, Wandi bravely reminded me that I forgot to pray. So fine! I asked God to please help me make my children good etc.

Wandi again bravely offered to pray too and this is where he played his master plan into action (he never wants to pray):

Wandi: Dear God, please make all my dreams come true. The end.

 Yes. He said the end and not AMEN. I felt a reluctant smile coming on but I was wise to the enemy.

The next morning the kids all came to greet me in that way guilty kids do hoping for a cease-fire.

'Good morning rakhali' etc.

Then the master played his Ace move.

Wandi: In the name of Jesus, good morning everyone!

 How could I remain grumpy after my son evoked the name of Jesus?!

He's goooooood. One point to Wandi. None to me.

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