#raindropsofink

[mjayms-blog]

raindrops of ink // solo

i’ll never make it.

i’m not good enough.

this is horrible.

i’ll never find the words to express what i’m trying to say

i should just give up.

all of these things are thoughts of self-defeating writers. these are the kinds of thoughts that go through the heads of so many up-and-coming and aspiring writers. thoughts that make them have great internal wars. things that stop their path of self-discovery and resolution. thoughts and ideas that destroy the writer they wish to become before they have created themselves.

to all the writers out there who struggle with these mind numbing thoughts and to all the writers to whom this momentum of negative energy has consumed them, I say to you that it is not over and you have not lost to the unrelenting force of writer’s block.

i have suffered from these thoughts and continue to suffer from these thoughts every time i lift my pen or start typing out sentences. you can, however, overcome them and let out the creativity you hold within.

i have always thought that the greatest of writings come after a long battle with writer’s block and self-defeating thoughts.

the process is similar to the precomings and aftermath of great tropical storms.

it begins with a calmness, a cascade of warmth and brilliance. you have thought of your idea, breathed life into your characters and have painted a masterpiece of the fictional world inside of your head. everything has finally come together until you reach that dreaded moment when you sit down, earbuds in, and begin telling the story of the ages.

then the storm front appears.

the clouds shift to darkness, as if the painter of the sky has switched palettes to something sinister. thunder claps, lighting strikes, winds howl, and chaos reigns. the ugly face of writer’s block has appeared, ready to challenge you to an epic duel, armed with the murderous weapons of self-doubt and depression.

you begin to lose everything you had thought of before ever typing a single word. you mind is clouded with darkness and the once great civilization you created in your mind is flooded by a tsunami of dread. you lose hope, become angry, and simply want to give up.

but you must endure.

you force yourself to write. at first each word you speak inflicts pain and only drives the force of the storm. you doubt your word choice, your sentence structure, and your paragraph breaks. you doubt where your storyline is going, the personalities of your characters, and the ecosystem of your world diminishes, but still you must fight on.

until you reach the eye.

the eye of the storm is the turning point. after enduring and suffering though the heartbreaking thoughts of failure, you find your clarity and everything comes back to you. no longer are you just writing a fictional story, but you are recalling the history of a world you have created. you breathe life into your characters through dialogue and development. you plant the forests, sculpt the mountains, and build the cities you envision. you take the form of a god.

once through the eye comes the second wave of the dreaded storm but it is different.

you hold your position, still writing with as the same energy as you had during the duration of the eye. you fight with pen in hand and erase all thoughts of sadness and regret. you push through, surpassing any limitations set by yourself and prove everyone who doubted you wrong.

now that the storm has passed, clairvoyance consumes you. you embody your story, telling the history like the legendary historian of your own fictional world, and what you are writing no longer becomes just a story.

it becomes your truth; it becomes real.