#rael in how he bucks them and qui gon in how he obeys them (not necessarily jedi rules. but HIS version of jedi rules) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

willowcrowned · 2 years ago

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the thing about qui gon and rael is that like. rael thinks qui gon is the version of him who didn't fail, right? qui gon was the one who didn't have to kill his padawan in the end. qui gon was the one who didn't fuck up in a way that unmade him. and qui gon knows that. qui gon believes that. qui gon thinks that all that's standing between him and the utter destruction of what's left of rael is the bare fact that he wasn't the one to physically kill his padawan. rael for qui gon is a version of himself that he hates. and that's something he can't ever acknowledge

#something something golden child complex #at least the fuck up gets to admit there's something wrong with the system and they got screwed up because of it #you don't because the only thing keeping you together is the system #your entire identity is invested in it. and if you lose that then you're unmade #like. the daddy issues of it all #because the ways they construct the ways they relate to the world are purely through rules #rael in how he bucks them and qui gon in how he obeys them (not necessarily jedi rules. but HIS version of jedi rules)#and dooku being... dooku.#dooku being strict and unforgiving and doing it because he cares about his padawans! that's how he knows how to love!#he loves by pushing and pushing and pushing until the thing he loves is how he thinks it should be #you grow up with that and you start to have a voice in your head that's always telling you how you messed up again #and it starts out sounding like your master and then it just sounds like you #and suddenly you're middle aged and the man in front of you is everything the voice inside your head hates (and you know you ARE the man in #of you. you know the only thing separating you two is luck) so what can you do but despise him a little bit. almost as much as you envy him #what can you do but try to convince yourself it wasn't luck you escaped his fate. what can you do but try to convince yourself that you got #out because you're better #quirael #star wars #rael averross #qui gon jinn

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