#radio ham with a side of jam;; mail

[jammedmuses]

@donewithyourschmidt said:

Standing in the office doorway, Mike raises the hand not clutching his crutch in greeting. "Uh, hello there. Guess you're the other nightguard they hired, right? Management just told me I'd be getting a partner yesterday."

Why Fazbear Entertainment had chosen to hire additional staff was a mystery to him, given their track record of cheapness, but he certainly wasn't complaining. It seemed they were still too lazy to get the office a second chair, though... "There's, uh, some things I better...brief you on before our shift starts."

(For Banshee!)

At first, the female guard was sat on the office chair, fidgeting with the monitor in her hands; it seemed she was trying to get a feel of the security system beforehand, which could be considered smart thinking.

For some reason though, it looked as if she was having some trouble keeping the monitor in both of her hands.

She looked up upon hearing her newly-assigned co-worker's voice on the doorway, her unusually long bangs covering basically the entire right of her face, while the left was visible because she had her hair tied in a left side-bun. Her visible eye evidently wandered slightly until it landed on the other's crutch, and as response she immediately stood up, giving up the chair.

" Oh! It must be so! " She almost beams in response, carefully setting the tablet down on the desk. " I was told I'd have a fellow co-worker too! So I got myself coffee on the way here, and would've gotten one for you too, but sadly I had to let it pass since I had no idea how you'd like yours. " She explains with a sheepishness; Maybe next time? Her own coffee was noticeable on the desk, an XL Starbucks cup with "BANSHEE" written in marker on it. Those silly, silly baristas!

The lady can't lie, the other guard seemed... a little younger than whatever she'd expected. Or maybe that's just because he's exactly as short as she is. Poor guy.

But nevertheless, he has her attention; if he's been in this job position unlike her who's starting fresh and innocent, it's a given he has important information.

" Is it about the mascots moving? Someone briefly told me they lack a 'night mode' so they try seeking the night workers out thinking they're audience, but to not let them into the office to avoid equipment damage. "

Oh god, this poor lady...

[bloodedcelt]

Side Effects

Friend of mine posted on his FB about the wild warnings on the meds he was just given. That made me remember this essay by Steve Martin.

Side Effects By Steve Martin DOSAGE: take two tablets every six hours for joint pain. SIDE EFFECTS: This drug may cause joint pain, nausea, head-ache, or shortness of breath. You may also experience muscle aches, rapid heartbeat, and ringing in the cars. If you feel faint, call your doctor. Do not consume alcohol while taking this pill; likewise, avoid red meat, shellfish, and vegetables. O.K. foods: flounder. Under no circumstances eat yak. Men can expect painful urination while sitting, especially if the penis is caught between the toilet seat and the bowl. Projectile vomiting is common in thirty per cent of users-sorry, fifty per cent. If you undergo disorienting nausea accompanied by migraine and raspy breathing, double the dosage. Leg cramps are to be expected; one knee-buckler per day is normal. Bowel movements may become frequent-in fact, every ten minutes. If bowel movements become greater than twelve per hour, consult your doctor, or any doctor, or just anyone who will speak to you. You may find yourself becoming lost or vague; this would be a good time to write a screenplay. Do not pilot a plane, unless you are among the ten per cent of users who experience "spontaneous test-pilot knowledge." If your hair begins to smell like burning tires, move away from any buildings or populated areas, and apply tincture of iodine to the head until you no longer hear what could be taken for a "countdown." May cause stigmata in Mexicans. If a fungus starts to grow between your eyebrows, call the Guinness Book of World Records. May induce a tendency to compulsively repeat the phrase "no can do." This drug may cause visions of the Virgin Mary to appear in treetops. If this happens, open a souvenir shop. There may be an overwhelming impulse to shout out during a Catholic Mass, "I'm gonna wop you wid da ugly stick!" You may feel a powerful sense of impending doom; this is because you are about to die. Men may experience impotence, but only during intercourse. Otherwise, a powerful erection will accompany your daily "walking-around time." Do not take this product if you are uneasy with lockjaw. Do not be near a ringing telephone that works at 900 MHz or you will be very dead, very fast. We are assuming you have had chicken pox. You also may experience a growing dissatisfaction with life along with a deep sense of melancholy-join the club! Do not be concerned if you arouse a few ticks from a Geiger counter. You might want to get a one-month trial subscription to Extreme Fighting. The hook shape of the pill will often cause it to become caught in the larynx. To remove, jam a finger down your throat while a friend holds your nose to prevent the pill from lodging in a nasal passage. Then throw yourself stomach first on the back portion of a chair. The expulsion of air should eject the pill out of the mouth, unless it goes into a sinus cavity, or the brain. WARNING: This drug may shorten your intestines by twenty-one feet. Has been known to cause birth defects in the user retroactively. Passing in front of TV may cause the screen to moiré. Women often feel a loss of libido, including a woo-octave lowering of the voice, an increase in ankle hair, and perhaps the lowering of a testicle. If this happens, women should write a detailed description of their last three sexual encounters and mail it to me, Bob, Trailer Six, Fancyland Trailer Park, Encino, CA. Or E-mail me at hot-guy.com. Discontinue use immediately if you feel that your teeth are receiving radio broadcasts. You may experience "lumpy back" syndrome, but we are actively seeking a cure. Bloated fingertips on the heart-side hand are common. When finished with the dosage, be sure to allow plenty of "quiet time" in order to retrain the eye to move off stationary objects. Flotation devices at sea will become pointless, as the user of this drug will develop a stone-like body density; therefore, if thrown overboard, contact your doctor. (This product may contain one or more of the following: bungee cord, plankton, rubber, crack cocaine, pork bladders, aromatic oils, gunpowder, corn husk, glue, bee pollen, dung, English muffin, poached eggs, ham, Hollandaise sauce, crushed saxophone reeds.) Sensations of levitation are illusory, as is the sensatino of having a "phantom" third arm. Users may experience certain inversions of language. Acceptable: "Hi, are how you?" Unacceptable: "The rain in Sprain slays blainly on the phsssst." Twenty minutes after taking the pills, you will feel an insatiable craving to take another dose. AVOID THIS WITH ALL YOUR POWER. It is advisable to have a friend handcuff you to a large kitchen appliance, ESPECIALLY ONE THAT WILL NOT FIT THROUGH THE DOORWAY TO WHERE THE PILLS ARE. You should also be out of reach of any weapon-like utensil with which you could threaten friends or family, who should also be briefed to not give you the pills, no matter how much you sweet-talk them.

[jammedmuses]

@curseofbreadbear said: [There's an exaggerated sniffle from the bear; his jaw trembles like he's three seconds away from bursting into tears. In reality, he'd been an instigator only moments ago, and was relying on Banshee to reassure and validate him. SURELY, he wasn't in the wrong.] "Th-That Freddy plush was mine! She had no right to take it from me!" -glamrock freddy for banshee LMAOOOO

" Now now Freddy. You know I wasn't too far away when it happened, right? "

Banshee said, still the ever so patient saint she is. While not exactly in her job description, she was tasked with minorly tidying up the Glamrocks' greenrooms (nothing major, putting empty bottles away, putting fallen plushies back in place, the sort,) and she had made it to Freddy's room by the time the whole confusion happened and she could witness it through the glass. Oh boy...

What has been going on with these guys lately?

She had already gone with closing the curtains, knowing Freddy would likely need a time to decompress, so he could do it without prying eyes. Yes, she knows he just tried to lie to her, and she absolutely let him know that-- but she also absolutely knows that berating him not only isn't what he needs, that isn't the way to it at all.

" Now, I know you're feeling very frustrated and overwhelmed at this moment, and that's understandable. " It's written all over his face, like an upset toddler ready to start bawling because such feeling is too big for their toddler body... even though the body in question here is even taller than her.

She gently takes hold of the oddly spoiled bear's hand into her own left hand, gingerly ushering him into taking a seat on his big couch. " Would you like to have a moment to cry it out first? It's okay if you need it. " She offers without judgment or condense. " I'll be right here if you need me too. "

[jammedmuses]

anonymous said: Hi I just read your Golden and Shadow Freddy lore and oH MY GOD? THE BEARS ARE LESBIANS (based af btw)

[jammedmuses]

anonymous said: But if fnaf movie verse banshee is a dayshift employee doesn't that mean maxine and the others would've broken into the pizzeria while she was also there? 🤔👀

lmao yes, most likely!

Yes, it would be her duty to intervene and she would definitely try!

Though even without Maxine actively breaking in, it would still be Banshee against three guys, most if not all of them armed with something (baseball bat, crowbar, etc,) while Banshee most likely wouldn't be (Mike got only the security vest when he was hired, and only got the tazer from Vanessa later to fight the animatronics meaning it wasn't standard work equipment,) not that she'd use it first thing unless she really had to.

In this scenario though, I imagine the most likely outcome would be Maxine's crew outnumbering and knocking Banshee out cold to prevent her from getting in their way and especially from calling the police on them or warn whoever about them and getting them in trouble.

Due to this she'd be blissfully unaware of the animatronics taking matters into their own hands, as she'd be unconscious during their killing. And probably only regain her senses later, plus a concussion, when the bloody mess was already 'swept under the rug and cleaned,' and the assumption would be that they fled the scene after knocking her down and breaking/robbing the place. I don't think she'd be reprimanded too harshly because she did try to do her job, she just couldn't do much by herself before a whole armed group.

She probably was allowed to take the rest of the day off to go get her concussion checked (thus Mike still having to clean after the damage,) though it likely was still subtracted from her pay. 🙃

[jammedmuses]

anonymous said: Is Ketut possessed by any spirit or powered by any supernatural source, like Remnant?

Surprisingly, not at all!

Unlike like 99% of the mascots from this entire franchise, Ketut herself has never been involved in any of the past grime incidents of its story. She's probably one of the "cleanest" mascots of them all!

Of course, she's been around long enough to witness some of the incidents, but that's different. And being around for as long as she has, perhaps it's possible that just a little bit of lingering Remnant resulting from the grim incidents may have clung to her, but it's probably not significant enough.

Given she was the last addition to Fredbear's Family Diner after Fredbear, SpringBonnie and the Marionette... I imagine she could have been built after Charlotte's murder outside the diner and SpringBonnie being used to lure 5 children to slaughter, or-- she could have been built already but not immediately witnessing it for whatever reason.

She absolutely DID witness the Bite of '83 with poor Fredbear though. :')

[jammedmuses]

@curseofbreadbear said: ❝ Happy Valentine's Day, Banshee! ❞ [Freddy offered the technician a warm smile, a stark contrast to his demeanor from most of her visits prior. In his paw is a small hand-made card that reads: "Your friendship is out of this world!" He's also carrying a star-shaped sticker that, of course, says "superstar." Banshee would always finish her check-ups by giving them some sort of treat, often a magnet that they could wear as a badge. A superstar sticker felt like the human equivalent of that!] - SOME BELATED VDAY LOVE FROM GLAMFRED <3

Routine troubleshooting.

But Banshee liked to call them "routine check-ups;" Ever since the sunny animatronic alikened her to a nurse (her actual job is listed as "tech assistant,") she was all on-board with it! Especially since her assigned procedures are in fact similar to a check-up appointment with a doctor or pediatrician.

It felt... more right, more humane that way.

She was looking down at the company-owned tablet, checking the Glamrocks' reports for anything specific that needed attention tonight, and so far all of them had only "routine troubleshooting" listed (meaning it was just to check if everything was indeed in order.) The only exception had been Monty, who had his jaw stuck open also listed on his report, and when she inspected it turned out he just had an aluminum splinter stuck between his jaw joints, which she took care of herself by plucking it out with tweezers. Silly gator most likely got taken over by the "cronch instinct" and cronched on a FizzyFaz can. It may have a "zero braincell" move from his part, but he still got a treat at the end anyways.

" Hello, Freddy. " Banshee says without looking up from the tablet (yet the gentleness of her tone still ever present,) as she entered the bear's green room, door automatically sliding open once it detected her employee badge, hanging by her lanyard. " Tonight is just a routine check-up, so we can take it easy. " She reassures.

She had to look up with a confused blink from her visible eye before Freddy's sudden energetic greeting, at the first moment not having fully registered what had him so happy. It's not that she didn't like seeing them in lifted spirits (on the contrary actually!) but Freddy at least usually goes through the troubleshootings with a bit of anxiety despite her best efforts to have them be as stress-free as possible.

" Huh-? " The "nurse" couldn't help the mild rose shade on her face upon realizing he was greeting her on behalf of Valentine's Day-- a day that just passes by her like a regular one, since she's forever alone a single pringle and she's not positive she'd achieve that sort of relationship anytime soon. " Oh, um- "

Gingerly taking the friendship appreciation card in her left hand (tablet now resting on Freddy's vanity,) and realizing he actually put effort into crafting it himself, it finally puts a smile on the young lady.

" Oh, Freddy. This is very sweet of you, thank you!! I'm certainly going to cherish this! " She carefully slips the card into the folder under her arm (where she keeps the paper-based "equipment" of her procedures,) to make sure it won't get folded, crumpled or damaged at all. " I'm sorry, you just caught me by surprise, is all! I wasn't really expecting anything to come from this holiday. " She explains.

Taking the sticker in her left with a beaming giggle, she sticks it to the back of her employee badge (the side scanners and detectors don't look over.) She doesn't attach it to her uniform simply because stickers in general don't last on fabric.

" It really makes me glad to know I help! This is how I like to see you, bright and smiling for real! Sorry Superstar, I don't have anything for Valentine's to gift you back, but I'll make sure your treat from tonight is extra special, okay? "

This alone? Has already made her entire day!

[jammedmuses]

anonymous said: But funfred HAS eyebrows already, wouldn't that little bear thing be bon-bon instead? 😭😆

no you see. yes he has eyebrows but if u insult them he puts on his special ANGY BROWS

meanwhile bonbon is quietly drinking wine straight from the bottle while dissociating in the corner, thinking of as many eyebrow-related compliments he knows he’ll have to use to calm his friend later

[jammedmuses]

@hatredsplayground​ said: "What do you think you're doing in here at night. It's dangerous. You should go home." - Salem upon discovering Gretel

Judging by the shift in Gretel’s posture, it’s evident that every cell of her body entered “attack mode” upon being confronted. No, this won’t do; Her business wasn’t finished yet, and she wouldn’t go anywhere until then. Even if she takes her whole life to finish it.

She burns a glare into the adult, hand gripping the strap of the dufflebag by her side tightly.

“ None of your business. ”

[jammedmuses]

@curseofbreadbear​ said: "I don't know what you're talking about." -a greggy for ur dlc girl...i cant stop thinking abt her confronting him over the shattered glamrock animatronics ok

“ Don’t-- Don’t know what I’m talking about-!? ”

Gretel practically scowls hearing the blatant lie that the other kid had the absolute nerve to tell to her face. “ Do I have “STUPID” written on my face or what, Gregory!? ” She angrily empathizes by even pointing at her own face, which also doubled as a gesture to beckon Gregory to dare look her in the eye and keep lying.

“ Do you even realize what you’re doing TO him?? After everything he’s done for you!? For us!? ” The young blonde’s hand that was gesturing at herself starts jabbing against Gregory’s chest with her index. “ You’re USING him, Gregory! That’s disgusting!! ” She admonishes. “ He told you those were his friends! He told you he’d never want to do anything to harm them, and that they weren’t acting like themselves! And what did you do?? You went and did exactly what he asked you NOT to and punished them for something that might not even be their fault! Then you turn around and have the freaking nerve to not only lie to his face but also TO MINE!? ”

Before Gregory can keep this charade, Gretel rolls up the sleeve of her lilac jacket, showing a FazWatch on her wrist. “ I SAW what you did, Gregory. ” She says clearly, hoping to get her point across: He wasn’t fooling her. “ I was scrambling through the cameras looking for your butt ‘cause neither me nor Freddy knew where you had gone off to! And lemme tell you: What I saw were NOT accidents! ”

Her finger jabs against Gregory’s chest again, even pushing him backwards as she kept going.

“ You deliberately set that bucket on Monty! You straight-up launched that kart at Roxy! You even went and pushed Chica into the trash compactor! So quit playing games with me at once, Gregory! You’re LUCKY I didn’t call you out right in front of Freddy back in Parts & Services! ”

[jammedmuses]

anonymous said: Ayo I love the idea of TailsDoll being like that lil’ bro lad who’s not super bright but still is super supportive of his older siblings! Imagine him getting his trans sibling a name encyclopedia like, “Hey since you’re working on a new identity maybe you’ll want a new name? So I wanna make sure you can choose the coolest name ever for yourself! ... and also so we can find names for our characters on our next DND campaign.”

SJDCFCVASGVGAVCH THATS SO CUTE THO LIKE FR????

Tails Doll: would fkin give up each and every fiber of his stuffing for Metal

also Tails Doll: thinks baking cookies at 4000 degrees will get him cookies in 1 min instead of 400 in 10 mins and doesnt even have a mouth to eat them-- 5 dead 12 injured damages not covered by eggman’s insurance plan

@metalcd​

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anonymous said: GRETEL IS EVEN MORE FULL OF VIOLENCE THAN GREGORY HOLY SHIT-

gregory got trapped here and now gotta survive

gretel came here by fucking free will with the sole purpose of MAIM AND KILL

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@fazbearings​ said: Bendy better prepare for a incoming hug. (From my bendy haha !! )

Well, ink-color him surprised!

All the work crunch in Joey Drew Studios barely gives anyone any time to display their appreciation for anyone.​ And it’s something that you only realize how starved of it you are when you get it. Just like this.

Needless to say, the hug is very welcomed and reciprocated. With newfound vigor, Bendy even leans back lifting his equal (his double? twin?) and taking him for a twirling spin off his feet!

[jammedmuses]

anonymous said: NOT ME CRYING OVER ANIMATRONIC NURSE BANSHEE CALLING FOXY CAPTAIN. Does she have any other terms of endearment for the others too?

ahaha ur welcome! @fazbearentinc​ tagging u bc they’re talkin about our Banshee & Foxy thread

Anyway yes! She does! Kinda comes with the positive feedback she pours into her job. Let’s see:

Glamrock Freddy: Big/Bright/Shining/Twinkle Star

Glamrock Chica: Cupcake

Monty: Party-Rocker (though has called him “Florida-man” a couple times for the giggles)

Roxy: Champion

Foxy: Captain

Bonnie: assuming we’re in a time frame where she could have met him before he got decommissioned, I think she’d call him Toasty Buns (bread pun)

Sun: Sunray

Moon: Fairylight

DJMM: M&M’s (pun with the initials)

[jammedmuses]

@fazbearings​ said: Surprise hug for Bendy! (For ink demon! Bendy from my bendy :3)

Lanky asymmetrical body shudders with the contact. His form initially stiffens underneath the ink.

This kind of thing has become so rare, so few far in between, that getting one again now almost feels alien at first touch.

His mismatched arms fidget greatly at his sides, as if he was torn between returning the gesture or just being passive; He didn’t want to risk possibly crushing the other or getting them corrupted by his “soiled” ink.

He eventually opts for a loose, one-armed hug back, resting his gloved hand around and over the other’s shoulder. He couldn’t trust himself with more than that.

He says nothing; What even is there for him to say? At least from his perspective, actions alone already spoke miles.

[jammedmuses]

@fazbearings​ said: Oh but he couldn't forget to give him a gift as well! They all deserved to get a surprise. Tracking down his equal was easy enough , and soon he was approaching him. “Hey!” The demon hurried over as fast as he could manage. “This is for you!” He held up a piece of paper so that the other could see. It was stained with ink but thankfully it didn't obscure what was drawn on it. The drawing wasn't perfect, but he put a lot of care into it-- it being a picture of Bendy! (bendy for bendy ! you get a gift too haha )

Currently Bendy was focused on trying to build up a tower out of poker cards-- sometimes employees borrow it to play during their breaks-- but the call of his fellow toon from behind caught his attention.

He turned around, smile small but present, as he was just low-key confused to why his friend seemed so urgent.

“ Huh? ” He lets out still registering things right before the other pulled out the drawing.

Immediately his smile grew wide and you could almost see stars in his eyes at the sight of the picture as he tenderly held on the side of the paper with his gloved hand.

“ Oh my stars!! You’ve captured my essence so perfectly!! If I had a fridge I’d hang it on the door for all to see! ”

His tail wills out and whips forward-- knocking down the card tower behind him but he seemed to not give a busted penny about that anymore-- , tip carefully wrapping around the picture folding it like a vintage map and holding it so that his hands were free to take the other’s, then proceeded to pull them into a silly, but happy and bouncy little dance.