#r: the end of nihility

[sleaze4sleaze]

It’s the 3 year Pornister wedding anniversaryyyyy. I managed a redraw of this so I don’t have to feel guilty hahah. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PORTMAN <3

[haliaiii]

I know it’s gonna be highly unlikely and he’s probably gonna be imaginary but I’m holding hope that Sunday will be quantum bc I barely have any other ones besides qingque and lynx 😭😭

[vulpixisananimal]

[A: 5 C: 90] - Eccentrically Normal Actors

(Siffrin) {Mal Du Pays} <Null> |Asterion| =Socks= +Rosmarinus+

[[Loop]] [(Saffron)] [<Kyros>] [{Horizon}]

[<You’re curled up on your bed in the House of Change with a drawing notebook and pencil close to your chest. Your knees were up, and your back against the corner of your room were your bed was positioned.>]

[<You hold yourself tight, and, breathe. . . Then, you take the pencil and put it to paper. Who, were, they?>]

[<Your claw, hand, didn’t move at first, but then drifted over the paper. It was scribbles at first, nothing in particular, but then you relaxed. As you closed your eyes to try and calm yourself and draw, the figures came to mind.>]

[<A. . . A bird, a crow. No, not quite. Not you. Bigger, a shadow, unseeable. Like you are. You had wings, large wings of black feathers, beady white eyes, claws, talons, scales, but. . . But, you could never remember past the edges. The body, the arms, the legs, all were clouded in a darkness that you could not pierce. . . You had a dagger, a blade, different from Siffrins. And. . . You remember, a girl. No, not a girl.>]

[<A Princess.>]

[<You’re on a path, in the woods. And at the end of that path, is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin, is a Princess.>]

[<. . . W-why do you remember that?!? Why, w-why is that the line that comes back to you, and what is it?!? What does it mean?!?>]

[<Who, who ARE you?!?>]

[<You stare at your drawings, before clutching them to your chest tightly. You, you don’t know who you are, and that terrifies you. . .>]

[<. . . You need to talk to somebody. You don’t know to who or what about or anything, you just, you just need SOMEONE to talk to! Even the other voices in your head will do, but it’s, just, too quiet right now!>]

[<You hop off the bed, gently put the notebook away, then quickly leave your room to wander around the halls. Where would everyone be? You weren’t even sure. You just wanted to bump into someone you know, please. You’d like that. You’d really like that.>]

[<You’re panicking again, flapping your hands. Are the walls closing in? No, no you’re thinking things. Are you normal? Are the halls normal? What’s going on?!!? Who, n-no you’re okay! Calm down!! You look down a hall, people. They notice you and you turn away. People, no thanks You need to get out, find someone you know and- >]

[<You turn a corner and run right into someone.>]

“-!!!!!!” [<You stumble back, hands up, trying to say something but the words die in your throat! You’re frozen to the spot, you were in a dark corner! Or! H-how-!>]

[<The figure turns around and, has a mask on, it’s-- o-oh that, that, is, Nihil? A-ah! A, a friend! You, y-you think. You breathe, and, try again.>]

“S-sorry--���

[<It holds out a hand. You look at its mask, then its hand, then its mask. R-right! So, a-an invitation to, t-to talk! You. . . Stop, and take a second to breathe. Nihil is with Ramos, Nihil is fine. You keep your eyes to the floor and shuffle next to it, and put a couple fingers in its hand.>]

[<You feel a gentle coldness and numbness wash over you. Your heart feels like it’s freezing! N-no not freezing, it’s, being embraced. Calmed. As if a cooled towel has been wrapped around it on a warm summer's day. You feel terrified, yet the terror never reaches your spine or fingers. It’s. . . Scary, and comforting.>]

{Hello.}

[<Hello, Nihil. You do not wish to talk, this is nice. You wish to talk, but not speak. You close an eye and shuffle closer. I am interrupting something, yes?>]

{No. No real goal. Was told to front, try and find some self. No ideas. You look at them and cock your head. Why are you full of fear?}

[<I-I-- why wouldn’t I? Everything could go wrong at any moment! It has before, it can again. You shudder at the memory of the inn, how everything turned to hell just a day after you arrived. You didn’t want to, have that happen again! You had to be careful, right???>]

{You are right. You stand up straight. But there is no mind craft here, we are safe.}

[<How can you be so sure???>]

{I have checked everyone. There is no mind craft.}

[<Everyone?!?!? You squeeze your eye shut as you are bombarded with a flurry of images. Nihil, or the body anyways, touching the hands of dozens of people. It really had, it checked everyone. . .>]

{You are still afraid.}

[<That was a statement, not a question. You are afraid, even with the numbness you felt so afraid. You shuffle closer to it. You don’t want to be seen like this, like something disgusting, an intruder, the scaredy cat, the little panicking birdie.>]

{You are not used to your body.}

[<How did you know?!? N-no you’re, y-you are reading thoughts, right! Hhhaaa. . . You, stars. Yes, you do not, you don’t feel right! Your body feels, wrong. The confines of your skin are wrong, it’s all wrong. You, how can it, feel like-- You shudder, a wave of images, feelings, the experience of being flushed into a void. A dark void.>]

[<It’s. . . Familiar, and comfortable.>]

{This is me.}

[<You. . ?>]

{Yes :) }

[<It’s. . . comforting.>]

{You are invited. To my well. Yes?}

[<. . . . . You. . . You know that it’s possible, with mind craft, and, such. Find a corner, or dark place, please?>]

{Room?}

[<Yes. Room, closet in room. Dark, comfortable. No need to talk, right?>]

{No need.}

[<T-thank you. . .>]

>>>

=Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhrrrrrrrrahrmrghrhhmrhhrmhrnhrhrh=

=You're shaking your hands and pacing around the halls trying to figure out if you should do the thing you’re thinking about doing but you also don’t feel good about asking but you SHOULD if it helps but you don’t wanna bother them about it and it’s weird and bad right and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA=

=You hunch your back and scratch and ruffle your hair and it feels baaaaaaaaaad it feels bad bad bad and bad!!! You don’t wanna think about things if it’s okay you just, don’t wannaaaaaaaa!!! You’re still pacing, trying to keep this off your mind and failing!!! Where are your eeeeears it just, feels, wrong!!!=

=Oh you’re at the place.=

=Okay time to turn around! And go the other way!!! You turn and take a step.=

=. . . Take a step, socks! Go on, step forward!!!=

=. . . . . . . .=

=MMMMMMMGHGHHMHHHHHHHHHHMAAAAAAA FFFFINEEEEEE!!!!!!! You turn back to the door, shuffle to it, and, gently knock.=

“Come in!” =The Head Housemaidens voice echoes past the door and makes you jump. O-okay, okay, Socks, y-you can do this!!!=

=You, gently open the door and peek in. Everything looks so much bigger in the Head Housemaidens office, including Ms. Euphraise! She’s behind her desk going through a big pile of papers, and you could smell a sparkly, pink peachy perfume on her. W-wow, o-okay you’re already wanting to regret this.=

“Oh!” =She perks up from her desk when she sees you.= “Hello, have we met before?”

=O-ohthankstarssheknowsright. You shake your head, okay! Socks! Let’s try and talk!= “N-nomiss-”

“Ohoho! No need to be so formal, dear.” =She feels so huge in comparison to you right now!= “May I ask your name?”

“. . . S-socks.” =You mumble, holding yourself close.= “Nya/nyan pronouns. . .” 

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Socks.” =She cooed gently.= “Is everything alright?”

“. . . .” =You sink down into your shoulders, not sure where to go from here because you, d-didn’t really have a plan!= “I. . . I-I, uh, u-uhm. . .”

“Take your time.” =Euphraise hummed and slowly closed her eyes. As strange as it was, you were relaxing a bit more.= 

“O-okay,,,,” =You slowly creep towards the desk, shaking a little bit. You lean on the desk and look away, still flushed and embarrassed. Mmghhh,,,,, how do you, talk,,,, okay, okay. . .= “. . . I, I w-wanted to, a-ask about-- w-well can you, keep something secret? Please?”

“Of course.” =She held out a hand towards you, palm up.= “Any secrets are safe with me.”

“O-okay,,,,,” =You lean forward towards her hand. You can smell her perfume on it, as well as. . . Something else? Perfume? No! Soap, a kinda soap, huh.= “. . . I. . . h, wh, well, I-I wanted to ask if, w-well. . .”

=AAAAAAAAAWHEREDOYOUEVENSTART!!!=

“O-okay, I wanted, to ask you ‘bout something ‘cause you, know, a-about. . .” =You shy back again, head down.= “Weird, stuff, things. C-changing or, s-stuff.”

“Oh?” =She tilts her head, but makes no motion to get closer.= “Do you need my advice on something?”

“P-please.” =You shuffle a bit closer.= “I-I, uhm, w-well, I’m, y-y’know about, our, head stuff?”

“I know, Socks. It’s alright.” 

“R-right, uhm, and me I’m, ‘n in headspace, a. . .” =Stars, that hand was looking so inviting now. Hhhhhhh you reach out and take the nice ladys hand.= “I-I’ma cat and I, miss, it. F-feels wrong but, don’t want to, t-to, to. . .”

“To Change?” =She gently traces a thumb over the top of your hand. At first you want to flinch back, but soon you’re melting.= “That’s very responsible, as you’re sharing a body. But there’s something you’re. . . Missing, yes?”

“M-mhm.” =You close your eyes tight and hold her hand tight.= “I, I-I don’t wanna be all anxious and worried and needing to think about all this stuff when ‘m fronting I just wanna lounge around and be a cat and not need to do that stuff but that’s stupid ‘n I can’t and it’s b-bad, right??”

“Oh no not at all!” =She said confidently and comfortingly.= “Do You know what regression is?”

=You blink at her. You just went on a huge anxiety filled ramble and she doesn’t bat an eye! That’s. . . A-answer the question.= “. . . Uhm. . . kinda?”

“It is a mental defence mechanism. One would, temporarily, regress back mentally to the state of a child due to high stress.” =She scooted her chair back and gestured to her side.= “But for some, it would be more like. . . An animal. Please, come here socks.”

“An. . . An. . .” =You shuffle over slowly, keeping your head down. You pause a few times, feeling jumpy at even the slightest of movements. But she doesn’t smell angry or aggressive? No she doesn't, so. . . O-okay.= “I, ah, anima. . .”

“Yes, an animal, and a beloved family cat.”  =Euphraise cooed you closer, hand outstretched. You eventually took her hand, held it close. She pat your cheek.= “Does that sound accurate?” 

=You’re shaking, b-but, also feel comfortable, melting, even. You nod your head enthusiastically.= “. . Y-yeeaha,, mh, yy-yeah. . .” =Hah, finding  it, hard, to talk.=

“It’s alright, Socks.” =You close your eye, and feel her other hand in your hair.= “You all have been working very hard, right?”

=You nod again, and rest your head on Euphraises lap. You focus hard on talking.= “Y-yeah, been. . . Stress, no, want. . don’t wanna, worry. . .”

“That’s alright, little one.” =She spoke calmly and endearingly. You felt her hands under your chin, in your hair, it wwas so relaxing. It was such a nice touch and made you melt, it made you RELAX.= “You may lay on my lap if you want, and I promise, there’s no judgment.”

=Luckily the idea judgment had finally been shelved. You move your body onto the Head Housemaid's lap and lay down. One hand was still in your hair, and the other under your chin for a few moment more, before being taken back. You could hear a pen a second later as she continued her work. . .=

=wwwoahgh. . .=

=This was beyond nice.=

=It wasn’t a FIRST, really, well, you mean you had cuddles and head pats and hugs from everyone in your party! Well, almost everyone. Kinda everyone. Not, not really b-but anyway you did with Mira and Isa and Rams b-but. . .=

=You were at least pretending to be human about it.=

=. . . You were, expecting that to feel wrong and off putting as a thought. The implication you’re not human, but you’re NOT! You’re a cat! A kitty cat! Of course you should get to relax, get to goof off anddoajahaoooah. . . You roll your neck to the side stars that’s so nice. . .=

=You could get used to this. . .=

>>>

“BLASTED THING!!!”

[{You slam your hand down on the still spinning pottery wheel. You wince as some of the clay splashes on you, and start to grumbly pick it off.}]

“Oh try a hobby, it says.” [{You mumble to yourself.}] “Try and find yourself, he says. It’ll be fun, she says. Ugh, this is far from fun!”

[{You stare at the still spinning wheel, the remains of a pot you were trying, and failing, to make on it. For now there was only a flattened piece of uneven clay. You stare at it for a moment, then poke it. You let the wheel spin with your finger staying where it is.}]

“Round and round it goes. . .” [{You stare and smile.}] “Oh someone please, won’t anyone direct Horizon to the fun? No matter how hard it tries, it just can’t find it. . .”

“Er. . .” [{There’s a knock on the doorframe. You turn around to see everyone's favorite Housemaiden standing there!}] “A-are, u-uhm, are you doing alright?”

“Mirabelle! Welcome!” [{You smile and turn back to the clay.}] “Oh Horizon thinks it has finally found the fun! Maybe if she’s lucky, Mirabelle can join in too!!!”

“. . . . . . . O-okay?” [{She steps into the potting class. You had specifically chosen a time when no-one was around but oh well!}] “So you’re, doing claywork?”

“One could say such a thing~” [{You giggle, and poke the clay.}] “But the blasted clay is more trouble than it’s worth.”

“O-oh! Uhm. . . W-well I could, show you some pointers if you-”

“No need!” [{You have her off dramatically.}] “Horizon is having quite a bit of ffffFFFUN struggling as it is! Isn’t that right? That’s how you have fun, isn’t it~?”

“. . . S-some, some people do?” [{Mirabelle tilts her head, softens her eyes. Oh is she feeling SORRY for you?}] “Is something wrong? How, is, i-is today a bad day?”

“Oh Horizon’s having the utmost grandest of days!!! It thinks todays going to be, b-be--” [{You are having trouble breathing and, you grit your teeth and SLAM both hands onto the pottery wheel, destroying what’s left of the clay.}] “AWFUL!!! This is going to be the WORST DAY OF ITS LIFE!!!”

[{Your breathing shakily, head down, and. . . You made a fool of yourself. Get it TOGETHER!!!}]

[{You feel Mirabelles outreached hand, the hesitance, the contemplation, before she finally touches your shoulder.}] “. . . Want to, talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about?” [{You lift your head and smile back like nothing at all just happened.}] “Horizon’s just a demon of negative emotions and repression formed by the collective residue from hundreds of thousands of loops, nothing too important~”

“Thousands?!?” 

[{Oops~}]

“Whoopsie! Slip of the tongue~” [{You wink.}] “It just sounds so much more sinister when exaggerated, doesn't it?”

[{You could see Mirabelle squint at you, then cross her arms.}] “. . . Well, maybe we could talk about that.”

“About what~?”

“W-well, you?”

“OH HAHAHA!!!!” [{You hold a hand in front of your mouth.}] “Oh WHAT is there to talk about! It’s just a sadness after all, no body, no thing, no nothing!”

“That’s not true!” [{Mirabelle reaches forward and grabs your hand.}] “It’s, it’s not true and I’m not going to pretend it is, okay? You’re a person just as much a sadness and deserve the same attention and love and support!!!!!!!”

“. . . Oh Mirabelle.” [{You feel, touched? Ha, hardly. . . Maybe. . . You look away.}] “But that’s the truth, not a lie. Even Horizon knows it.”

“W-well, well then maybe Horizon’s trying to lie more to itself than to me.” [{She reaches out and takes your hand.}] “S-so, if it can’t stop lying to itself, maybe try being truthful to a friend, a feelings buddy, alright?”

“. . .” [{You’re frozen to the spot. Stars, is she really being sympathetic? To YOU?!? But, why! Why is she. . .}] “. . . It’s, not sure. . .”

“Do you uhm, do you recall a few months ago when we first met Perci? Me and Loop?” [{She doesn’t wait for your answer.}] “I made them promise to open up to me because we’re feelings buddies! They mean a lot to me and YOU mean a lot to me! You all do, okay? So, so. . .”

[{You do remember that. You know that. And you know Loop’s been as insular as ever when it comes to feelings, and trying to get them to open up is like getting blood from a stone. Stars, ha, haha. Of course the Housemaiden would reach out even now.}]

[{Blind it all!}]

“What is Nostalgié, Mirabelle!” [{You turn and throw your hands into the air for dramatic effect.}] “A creature whose only meaning in life is to destroy its creator, and now that meaning has been snatched away! What is it to do! Get a LIFE? Get a HOBBY?!?”

[{You turn back, hand over your face. You paused for a second to see if Mirabelle had something to add, but no! She’s letting you rant!}]

“And here it is! Making little clay pots and failing! It tried fishing, but it’s no fun! It tried drawing and sword fighting too, but still! No! FUN!!!” [{You sigh dramatically and collapse into a chair.}] “It tries and tries and tries and still it feels NOTHING! Won’t anyone sing it towards the fun?!? The essence of merriness floods over its hands, eyes, and heart! Is this not entertainment enough? But no! Still it follows the smell of fun!!!”

“It can’t do this, it won’t ever achieve anything! Now the horizon sets below our eyes because it never learned to swim, and its own idiocy REFUSES to ask for a lifeguard!!!” [{You pull at your hair and lean back in the chair.}] “It is illusions within delusions! Among a world of infinite connections, what is a thing to DO but WEEP!!!”

[{You hear wood snap, and feel a sudden rush backwards.}]

[{You brace for the sharp pain, and the sudden end to life that usually comes with a broken chair.}]

[{Then. . . the pain, never came? Your eyes were closed tight, and a tug on your cloak. You. . . Open an eye.}]

[{Mirabelle is holding you by the collar of your cloak. She, oh! She caught you! That. . .}] “. . . Why, did you do that?”

“. . . W-whAT?!?” [{Her face turns into a confused scowl.}] “Y-you’re my friend!! And I wouldn’t want you to get hurt! You! CRAB!!!”

“. . . Are. . .” [{You, lock eyes with her.}] “A hand outstretched so kindly, it's no wonder she is the Change God's favorite! With her fallen star-blessed heart, she could face down any foe and see the Change that is possible. Seen as a kindness to friends, and a weakness to enemies; connections and bonds that are meant to transmit cheerfulness, and even so, it. . .”

“. . . H-horizon?”

[{You blink a few times, right yourself, then shake your head clear.}] “Ah, my sincerest apologies, it appears Horizon may have ah. . .” [{You rub the side of your head.}] “. . . Stars, it’s not even sure it knows, or remembers!”

“That’s alright!” [{You feel a hand on your back as she guides you to a chair that ISN’T broken.}] “For what it’s worth, I think your, y-your rant was really, Impressive?”

“Oh!” [{You blink a few times, and rub your face.}] “Thank you? Was it ah, entertaining?”

“It was!” [{She sounded excited.}] “Like a one person theater performance. Like a poetry reading but more. . . Aggressive and dramatic! Oh! Oh or even like a lecture!!!”

“. . .” [{You rub your eyes, slap your face and sit up.}] “Horizon is not sure what to think of that. It always felt such rants were just. . . Selfish.”

“No?” [{Mirabelle sat across from you, writing something down.}] “I mean, it can be, but even then that’s not a bad thing!”

“. . . Hmmm. . .” [{You close your eye, and feel your mouth twitch into a smile. Was. . . This a flavor of fun? In a way, you felt a beat in your heart. Airing your emotion, your hatred and fears and blood for all to see. . .}] “It will. . . Horizon will keep that in mind.”

[da-rulah]

Heads Will Roll - A RHRN Inspired Short

*MAJOR RITE HERE RITE NOW SPOILERS AHEAD*

Do not read on if you don’t want to be spoiled. It’s literally the biggest spoiler in the movie, and I am giving you plenty of warning. Seriously. If you read on and get spoiled, don’t come crying to me in my ask box. I am warning you.  

A/N: This is my own continuation of the ending of the movie. An alternate ending, if you will... It includes spoilers from the final scene, arguably one of the biggest spoilers, and continues from there. Yell at me in my ask box if you want, but this was fun to write...

Rating: Mature Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Mentions of blood, violence, panic attacks

S P O I L E R S A H E A D 

The empire is now built.  

And he’s so proud of himself. It’s been a long road, he’s worked hard; even cut down people who got in his way... But he’s here now, and despite the sudden passing of his mother, he can’t help the rising feeling of accomplishment – nay, smugness that sits in his chest.  

Of course, his mother stands beside him now as a spectre, joining his father on the spiritual plane that seemingly only he can see into. He wonders why that is sometimes, but it’s a minor detail and one he’s grateful for. At least this way, his mother hasn’t truly left his side. But he does wish his damned father would.  

“We seem to have remodelled here,” Copia remarks as they stand in the hallway of the Ministry; all those months of touring, he wasn’t aware of the changes. He likes them, more to his taste. It’s as if they were made with his ascension in the ranks in mind. He must thank Saltarian for that later. “Good, good...” 

“Well, I’m not in charge anymore,” Sister Imperator sighs dramatically, a little bitter than she can’t continue her role from beyond the grave. But it is what it is, and she’s sure her son is going to do a good job in her place. 

“No, you are not,” Copia gleefully quips, clicking his shiny new shoes together to assert his power.  

“I hope that this new guy doesn’t disappoint like you did,” his father, Papa Nihil grumbles beside him. Copia’s shoulders sag in annoyance, his eyes rolling as he turns to Nihil. 

“Really?” As if he hasn’t been the most successful Papa to date, selling more records, larger tours and spreading the unholy word further than his predecessors – but most importantly, escaping with his life... “Go necro-charge yourself,” he jabs, his polite way of telling his father to piss off and reminding him that he is in fact dead, and has no authority anymore. 

“Oh shut up!” 

“You shut up,” Copia retorts somewhat childishly, a petty little argument starting.  

“The two of you, just stop it. This is done! Just stop it...” Copia raised his hands in surrender, turning back to the doors in front of them.  

“Old habits; they die hard,” Nihil grumbles.  

“Old guys in habits die harder...” Sister comments, pressing her lips together in a tight line as her brow furrows. Copia looks back to his father guiltily, his gaze turning to the tiled floor in front of him. Yeah, didn’t he know it...  

But he couldn’t allow himself to think about that just now. If there was anything he had learned in recent months, it was to not dwell on the past. No matter how dark, no matter what he had done... And he had done some bad things.  

Images of blood-stained hands flashed through his mind, the noises of anguished screams, the silence that had followed... He couldn’t let that haunt him anymore.  

He shook his head of the thoughts, straightening his new expensive suit jacket. The jewels that hung from it rattled against his chest, and he straightened his back to give an air of importance and authority, ready for what was to come.  

“Oh look, here he comes...” Sister Imperator clasps her hands together, wringing them nervously as she hears the footsteps approaching on the other side of the door. Copia lifts his chin, waiting, trying not to show his own nervousness to see the figure approaching, a shadow on the other side of the stained glass doors. The light filters through, turning the end of the hall red which does nothing to quell the anxiety.  

As the new head of the Clergy, he would have thought somebody would have told him who was to be Papa. Frankly, he thought it would be his decision. But the choice had been made long before Sister’s death, and without her knowledge also. It had Saltarian written all over it. He liked to... mess with people.  

The hall fell silent as the shadow figure stood proudly behind the glass. A mitre already sat atop his head, which now he thought about it, was unusual. There had been no ceremony, nor reveal yet. This guy must have some balls to don the Papal robes so soon.  

The shadow reached for the door handles on their side, the knobs squeaking as they turned agonisingly slowly. Copia had to swallow the lump in his throat, reminding himself to stand tall and proud. He was Frater Imperator now. He was in charge.  

The doors swung open, and there he stood, a sickly smirk on his face.

Copia audibly whimpered, losing his balance and stumbling backwards. The panic set in quickly, his chest heaving with heavy breaths that couldn’t get enough oxygen into his lungs no matter how quickly they tried. He managed to regain his footing quickly at least, eyes wide and jaw dragging along the floor while his head swam.  

Beside him, his mother’s hand slapped to her mouth, somehow making a noise despite her no longer being a physical being. Even Nihil was stunned into silence, his brow furrowed with deep lines of confusion.  

Copia had never been so terrified in all his life. Somehow, he thought his demise would have been a kinder end to his own reign than this.  

The new Papa looked nowhere else but at Copia, his eyes glaring at him as if lasers would shoot from his pupils. That smirk still sat on his face; a face that was painted with crisp black and white.  

As he stepped forward, Copia resisted the urge to run. It was all he wanted to do but when it came down to it, his fight or flight response had withered into the third hidden option; freeze.  

Papa walked slowly, deliberately, his gaze never wavering. Copia couldn’t help but stare straight back but he couldn’t meet his eyes... Not after what he’d done. Even when Papa came to a halt a few feet from him. 

“Buonasera, fratello gemello...(Good evening, twin brother...)” The smugness in his voice reflected how Copia had felt moments before. But now? That had dissipated. Nothing but terror remained. “I look forward to working with you, eh?” 

Copia couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t even look in his eyes...  

Instead, his stare was focussed on the garish, ugly, deep red scar that ran in a clean line around his neck...  

How could he not have seen this? So many signs he had ignored... Wilfully ignorant to all of this. Perhaps he had been living in denial, brushing any and every small clue aside so his own guilt would not get the better of him, and he could forget what he'd done.  

The scratch marks on the inside of his final resting place, the mortician who swore his foot had twitched in the morgue... It was Saltarian who insisted the movie be called ‘Rite Here, Rite Now’; his song. Even the music video served as foreshadowing, literally enacting his spirit rising from the dead...  

Copia felt like a fool. Had he not been so wilfully blind, maybe he would have seen it. Maybe he could have stopped it.  

But no, now he was staring directly at the result of the most evil deed he had ever committed; murdering his own twin brother. He could only hope he didn’t remember...  

“Terzo, what a... surprise...” Imperator stuttered beside Copia. Clearly, she had also been kept in the dark on this one...  

Terzo finally tore his gaze from Copia, instead smirking down at his mother who had too been instrumental in his untimely end.  

“Buona sera mamma, (Good evening mother,)” he greeted, sickly sweet and filled with patronisation. “You look well,” he joked. You know, because she was dead...

“S-so do you,” she smiled, her lip twitching. Terzo opened his arms to hug her, and with hesitation, she followed suit. 

“Oh, wait...I forgot,” he stopped, lowering his arms and leaning towards her with a shit eating grin on his face, “sei morto ora (you are dead now).” 

He took a step back, clearing his throat and turning back to Copia. “So, here we go again, eh?” 

“I-I suppose...” Copia choked out, still in shock.  

Copia and Terzo had always had a difficult relationship... Terzo was older by mere minutes, and when they had been born, Nihil had given his son the next title in line, only to give the second, smaller, weaker twin a name to match; Copy. Copia had always been treated as the weaker, the lesser of the two by their father. Their mother, however, had pitied Copia from the start and sided with him wherever she could. It had fuelled so much competition, so much resentment that it led to Terzo’s own end...  

To say their relationship was fraught was a severe understatement.  

“You boys... will have to learn to work together,” Sister Imperator warned, watching warily as the tension between the brothers built.  

“Oh, sí, we can work together, can’t we fratellino?” Terzo slapped his brother’s arm in fake encouragement.  

“S-sí, of course...” 

“Molto bene! (Very good!) I promise, best behaviour. Even little Cardi here will learn to work alongside me,” Terzo leaned forward, staring menacingly into Copia’s eyes with the smug smirk from before and getting into his personal space in a display of defiance. 

“Or heads will roll...” 

[pupsmailbox]

SURREALISM ID PACK

NAMES︰ abigail. abyss. abyssa. achey. adam. adelaide. adeline. agatha. agnes. albert. alexander. alfred. alice. amelia. angel. annabelle. apparition. arch. archie. arthur. atticus. augustus. beatrice. beetle. benedict. benjamin. birdee. bliss. bubbles. bug. bugby. buggy. bunny. cain. calvin. cardee. catherine. cecilia. celeste. chaos. charlotte. chev. chevrotain. chimera. clara. clementine. cloudi. cloudy. compass. crow. dahlia. daisy. daphne. daze. decay. deja. delusion. dorothy. doubt. dove. dream. dreamy. drift. echo. eleanor. elizabeth. emily. enigma. erebos. erebus. ernest. error. eve. evelyn. exite. eyes. fading. fady. faid. faint. fawnly. felicity. felix. fish. fisshu. flaw. flower. forky. foxy. frog. froge. froggy. frost. frosty. ghost. ghosty. gideon. gin. ginnungagap. glitch. glitchy. graham. gray. grey. hare. harriet. hattie. haunt. haven. hazel. heartbeat. heartbreak. henry. hoarfrost. hollow. howl. hugo. icey. illusielle. illusion. imogen. infinesse. infinitie. ink. iris. ivy. jane. juliet. juno. jupiter. kai. key. khali. khaos. khora. kit. larkling. lichen. lichy. lilith. lily. liminal. link. locket. love. lucy. lulu. luminal. luna. mabel. margaret. mars. matilda. matrix. meadow. meddy. mercury. mirage. mirror. misty. mo. mold. moon. moss. mossy. moth. mothy. mug. murmur. mush. mushy. mysterie. nada. nameless. nemo. neptune. night. nightmare. nihil. nobody. noir. noire. noiresse. noirette. nostal. nostalgesse. nostalgette. nothing. nox. null. nyx. oblivionne. obscuritie. obsidian. oceana. ocina. ocula. odditie. oddling. olive. oliver. olivia. ombra. orion. pale. penelope. phantom. phoebe. phone. pin. pluto. poppy. portal. post. pulse. pup. rain. rainy. rippel. ripple. rose. salem. saturn. scythe. scythette. serene. shadow. shivver. shroom. shrum. silver. sky. smile. snak. snake. snek. snowy. socket. sombra. sophie. sparrow. spook. spookie. spooks. spooky. spoon. spotty. sprite. stacy. static. stitch. storm. stormy. stream. sugar. sunny. teeth. telle. theodore. thread. thunder. thunderly. ticket. tide. tooth. tripp. twilight. unknown. vac. vacancy. vacuify. vazio. vega. velvet. venus. victoria. vinyl. vivian. void. vortex. walter. worry. wraith. wren. yearn. zero. zeta.

PRONOUNS︰ ?/?. ?t/?t. [redacted]/[redacted]. _/_. abandon/abandon. ap/ap. backroom/backroom. being/being. bizarre/bizarre. blank/blank. blur/blur. clock/clock. cloud/cloud. cold/cold. creature/creature. creep/creep. dark/dark. daze/daze. deja/vu. deranged/deranged. dim/dim. dream/dream. echo/echo. eerie/eerie. em/empty. empty/empt. empty/empty. end/end. entity/entity. error/error. eye/eye. familiar/familiar. film/film. flower/flower. fog/fog. forget/forget. fru/fru. ghost/ghost. glitch/glitch. h?/h?m. hollow/hollow. hx/hxm. hy/hym. illusion/illusion. ina/ina. infinite/infinite. ink/ink. jpeg/jpeg. key/key. lim/lim. lim/liminal. liminal/liminal. lost/lost. lurk/lurk. mist/mist. moss/moss. mush/mush. mush/shroom. mystery/mystery. night/night. no/exit. no/non. noir/noir. nos/nos. nostal/nostalgia. nostalgia/nostalgia. not/nothing. nothing/nothing. nox/nox. null/null. obsidian/obsidian. odd/odd. one/one. penumbra/penumbra. phantom/phantom. pitch/pitch. pop/pop. rem/ember. scythe/scythe. sh?/h?r. sha/shadow. shade/shade. shadow/shadow. shrooms/shroom. shx/hxr. shy/hyr. silhouette/silhouette. space/space. spiral/spiral. stat/stat. stat/static/static. static/static. stone/stone. strange/strange. surreal/surreal. tele/vision. th?y/th?m. that/thatthing. thing/thing. thon/thon. thxy/thxm. thy/thym. tooth/tooth. tv/tv. twilight/twilight. un/canny. uncanny/uncanny. vae/vaer. vast/vast. venta/venta. voi/voi. voi/void. void/void. vor/tex. watcher/watcher. weird/weird. where?/where?. winde/winde. x/x. yellow/yellow. ⚫. ⚫️. ❓. ❔. 🌀. 🌑. 🌚. 🌫️. 🏚️. 👁️. 💭. 🕳️. 🗝️. 🚪.

SIMILAR LISTS I HAVE︰ 1 2 3 4 ⭐

[wackpedion]

tell me your truth

i HATE JD INT HE FUKN HEATGHERS MUSCIAL IM GOING TO RIP MY HAIR OUT WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM LIKE THAT MEANT TO BE YOURS PISSES ME OFF SOOOOOO BADD ESP CUZ OF HOW THEY TWIST HIS MOTIVATIONS throughout the story they twist him to be more like Loving I suppose, as well as sympathetic and emotional and its INFURIATING because THATS NOT JD. they tone him way down for audience approval and to be palatable and i hat eit. For one how they changed the scene with kurt and ram, where instead of pulling out a gun the two just fight. this makes him seem waaayyy more reasonable cuz they started it and its just a fight, it takes away the shock of him HAVING AND PULLING OUT A GUN even if its just blanks he fires. and then how they made veronica seek him out for sex in dead girl walking, which means including finding and breaking into his home HELLO???? JD IS THE ONE WHO DOES THAT. WHY WOULD THEY CHANGE IT. but we know why its because it would make jd seem way more scary and offputting and they need romance to sell. VERONICA WOULDNT EVEN DO THAT ANYWAY ???

and then ohhh my god meant to be yours pisses me off soooo bad like i said cuz of how they change his motivations. they make it seem like he wants to blow up the school to get veronica back NO??? HE WANTS TO DO IT OUT OF VIOLENT EXTREMISM, TO SEND A MESSAGE, he wouldve done it whether veronica was with him or not!!!!! and so it turns whats a cautionary tale about falling into extremism into just "waaa i want u back im going to blow them up for you" SHUT UPPPP

not to mention how they took out the 2 assault scenes in the musical version like. yeah its just fukn blatant that they cant handle JD as he is in the movie but if so why the fuck r they adapting heathers.

the ending also pisses me off SOOO BAD WHY DID THEY MAKE IT SO HE SAVES THE SCHOOL. in the original he didnt do that because there WAS no saving to do, the bomb was forcefully taken care of by veronica, he commits suicide not out of a noble sacrifice because there wasnt a sacrifice to make. he does it because he succumbs to his nihilism. he says it himself "lets say i blow up all the schools. what then?". but nooo we have to make him do a noble sacrifice to save everyone cuz 😐 idk???? so in the end we have a character meant to be violent unstable and self serving into just Some Guy who made some mistakes but he makes up for it in the end!! he just really loves his girlfriend!!!!! NEVERMIND THAT HE TRIED TO KILL HER IN THE ORIGINAL. in the original he might have loved her but that love might as well not have been there because above that all JD wanted to do was to send a message to everyone and change the world through violent extremism and he was more than fine with discarding Veronica in favour of that

ALSO ONLY SLIGHTLY RELATED irrc they took out the line "you fucked me up pretty bad veronica. you have power, power i didnt know you have" WHICH PISSES ME OFF cuz sooo much about the original movie is about the agency of female characters, especially at the time it was written where female characters often didnt have much agency and storys mostly revolved around love interests, the movie was a subversion of those tropes and that line is the perfect conclusion to that message they just. discarded that. Okay. I HATE IT oh my god oh my god

[crguang]

Okay sat, I might’ve forgotten to my anon mark at the end of my last message aand I’ve reread part 4 like 5 times, but still, 

what the fuck, literally was thinking abt it in all my classes. And I will be yapping, as I guessed.

First of all, fuck Kafka really wish I was tbh she is so annoying, like just assuming r isn’t that upset, like they’re just having a little argument when r is grappling w the fact that they fell for a criminal, and literally killed their coworkers and a ton of other people, she is pissing me off. Also the stuff abt Kafka and her nihilism…giving me some thoughts. Btw have himeko and Kafka encountered each other in this, or has Himeko just heard abt her? And shes so nice, calling r everyday and being so understanding…

I can’t imagine what Kafka did when she found out she got blocked. Her going to text u and then realizing she’s blocked…kafka pausing when she sees that r blocked her. Kafka waiting to get unblocked as she orders gifts for u, who keeps checking her phone for messages from u as she sends more gifts, reminiscing abt when your first met in the store, silver wolf and blade noticing how Kafka seems to be waiting for smth, Kafka who decides to text you on an encrypted number to see how you’re doing, Kafka who sees that she isn’t forgiven and orders so many fucking flowers bc she didn’t know ur favorite. Ugh I can imagine her bringing all of them into r’s house, god she’s pathetic, I need to kiss her so bad so she shuts the fuck up.

anyway I may or may not have started writing a Kafka fic 👀 tbh I don’t rlly read romance novels so idk how the typical academic rivals thing usually works, trope wise. For some reason I keep fixating on her fucking nails. Like to me, she has them manicured all fancy, but Im fairly certain shorter not manicured nails are better for fingering. On her violin ofc, obviously. I played cello middle and high school, and I kept them long, bc I liked scratching people don’t ask I was a strange kid, but I feel like she’d keep them short bc she’s rlly serious abt it. Also Kafka is so dislikable, her ego is so big, and she’s always calm, like if she didn’t look like she was trying and still top of the class it’d piss me off too 😭

Also in the wardence event rn, I haven’t played it bc I’ve been sleeping or smth like that, but silver wolf shows up 😭 like ik it makes the most sense, since she has holograms but Kafka showed up as a hologram once ok 😭 but what silver said is like “i heard u we’re joining the wardence, and two whose names I won’t mention insisted I go check on you. Why couldn’t they do it themselves.” Ugh Kafka is so obvious it’s actually gonna kill me. And yes wtf couldn’t Kafka have showed up, she’s worth like 11 billion, so ik she can’t show up all the but cmon. 

-🌠

hehfjfjgjfjfj posting a new chapter and having ppl go “man fuck kafka” is funny as hell because honestly, yeah, fuck her😭 i think it was important for me to portray how her personality can be irritating in certain contexts and how being with her really wouldn’t be bliss all the time cause she doesn’t deal with emotions much, and that includes others’. she’s not totally detached from them which is why she does try but it’s very clumsy. it’ll be elaborated on in the next part but in her mind she really has picked the best outcome here and even if she was acting in her own interest, she was protecting R, she’s just an information hoarder. being on the opposite side means you dont know wtf is going on in her head and cant explain her behavior as anything else but “she doesn’t give a shit about me”. it’s an interesting situation to write that’s for sure but im glad that her efforts, though genuine, make yall feel irritated bc thats the point hehe

what i wrote about kafka’s nihilism was not entirely true, and i did it on purpose because R doesn’t know her. i do think that nihilism/finality creates a certain distance between her and accountability. when you tell yourself that this outcome was always a possibility, that it could have happened anyway, the choice you make is no longer fully yours which means that the consequences aren’t fully on your shoulders as well. i think that makes it easier for the stellaron hunters to do what they do, that and the goal they’re working towards that is supposedly the best outcome for humanity. but kafka is anything but passive. she is not “subjected” to things, she has an active role in her future and the ones of the millions of people that it touches within the constraints of destiny. i think with nihilism it’s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you suffer through the things happening to you because “nothing matters” and “it was going to happen anyway”, but kafka is not like that at all. “if destiny doesn’t propel me forward, i’ll be the one to push destiny”— this is what she does, so describing her as a drop in the ocean isnt entirely accurate because she’s making waves. R will learn that

himeko and kafka have crossed paths canonically before the trailblazer so it’s the same in this. i like that himeko has an opinion of kafka that has been cemented through their brief meetings over the time. in that one ��keeping up with star rail” where kafka’s kit is presented, hime has a lot of shit to say about her 😭 all bad. she’s also aware that kafka plays mind games in it so really for her to hear “kafka manipulated me” was like “fork found in kitchen” there’s no surprise there. one of my favorite qualities in hime is her understanding and ability to understand multiple perspectives at once, it develops her already deep empathy and its just very admirable. shes a very soft character, i love her

AND YESSSSS SHE DEFINITELY REACTED LIKE THAT TO BEING BLOCKED HDJFJFKKG she stared at her phone like “oh. they’re really mad” and decided to give them a few days to cool off which is why she sent the first gift and after that she’d be wondering whether to text you or not for like a week; would open her phone, type in your number, pause for ten seconds then go “they’re probably still upset” and send another gift. silver wolf would be like “damn youre on your phone as often as i am. whats wrong with you” and firefly’s eventually the one telling her to go there herself to apologize and not wtv tf shes doing which is why kafka finally texts 😭 shes funny asf. the sheer ridiculousness of ordering hundreds of flowers and taking over half an hour to place them inside your apartment (that she technically broke into) to surprise you is so patheticcccc i would have swooned a bit im sorry. like omg youre pathetic get out of my house but also kiss me before you go… “forget it i’ll just get all of them” can she die 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

aaaaa im glad you have time to write the academic rivals au!! typically people have the rivals work together in some sort of assigned group project to force them to interact together but you can go about it differently, like one of them’s practicing for a big piece and the other gets to the practice room too late but but the others are taken and they have to practice the same thing anyway so might as well. or the mc is struggling and kafka happens to pass by and give her some (snarky) pointers which turns into her showing her how its done and the mc actually learning from her (which would make me homicidal). they could also just happen to meet outside of the school context and start developing a new relationship that way. do what feels right!! and yeah, kafka’s nonchalance makes it seem like shes effortlessly good when in reality she takes that shit seriously and practices often😭 it’d still piss me off tho idc

silver wolf showed up in the other event and its just so ridiculous how they always have her everywhere man😭 like fine she’s always keeping up with new games coming out and shit but would it kill them to show kafka once im gonna tear my hair out, we even got to text firefly during the wardance like im gonna screammmm. but kafka and her sending SW to check ip on the tb is so stupid they care so bad😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 typical of kafka not to show or text herself i need to strangle her. the lufou hates her tho so it’s WHATEVER.

[sniped-hugger]

"argue w/ me on this one" Bet (lighthearted) https://www.tumblr.com/pureshadough/776951391655723008/abandon-all-hope-all-ye-who-enter-sugar-and-salt?source=share

kk, lemme speak my truth for a minute.

I hear you, I see you, respectfully I disagree.

As any good homestuck, my knowledge and opinions about classpect is based off of the opinions of people around me that I have meticulously picked and chosen from to craft my own perspective. (shoutout to u/D3wdr0p on r/althomestuck for creating a doc of analysis I agree a lot with)

Through a whole lot of people, my opinions are a stew of various opinions and - let's call them what they are - guesses about literally everything classpect. As such, I would call Princes "a self-loathing class that destroys [their aspect] through themselves or their actions, or destroys through their aspect for the benefit of others at the cost of themself,"

Hope is an aspect of, what else, hope. It's fantasy, it's joy, it's the little white lies that keeps you afloat, it's the ginormous lies of society that keep it running, it's playing hero when day is done to make you feel better about yourself. "But Sniped, why isn't Pure Vanilla a Hopebound in your mind? Or Shadow Milk?" Lemme finish

Pure Vanilla on further reflection is far more Heartbound for me. A lot of his plotlines center less around the concept of truth and more of his tumultuous relationship with his self-image and identity, it's a core part of his character. Heart is an aspect centered on the idea of self, the nature of it, the whims and whys of the very nature of the soul and our hangups about it. Though Pure Vanilla is nurturing and kind akin to a Lifebound, it's a far shallower reading of him. This man wants to go feral, but is very much aware of the confines of the identities he traps himself in, having to play his part as the compassionate healer that's all soft smiles and gentle touches.

Shadow Milk is very Bard of Light. Shadow Milk is/was the Fount/Pioneer of Knowledge. And through learning the fragility of cookies' egos and emotions, learned that all cookies ever want to hear is the things they want to hear, even if it's blatantly false. As we (might) know, the destroyer classes act as an inverse to their classpect (in this case, a Maid of Void. As the Passive Destructor of Knowledge and Fortune by succumbing to nihilism in response to the wants of the people, he became the Creator of Confusion, Obfuscation, Secrets, and Rumors) whilst still reaping the benefits of their classpect. (while Voidbound manage to find ways to hide away from the spotlight in the narrative, obscuring their relevancy and thriving in unknowns, Lightbound Destroyers pull on the capabilities of Void while maintaining their bountiful knowledge and endless luck) ShadMil falls into the category for me, an emulator of Void with the rightful roots in Light

NOW. Saint Lily (I prefer her korean name). Prince of Hope, Destroyer of Fiction. Inverse being Sylph of Rage, Creator of Doubt. As a Prince of Hope, Saint Lily reaps the benefits of Hope, being her martyrism, her idealism, her endless hope for the good of cookiekind that enables her to take the actions she does. On the other end, she is saddled with the ideals and personality of a Ragebound, succumbing to Harsh Truths and Reality, casting Doubt upon the purpose of life given to cookies, Disillusioned and Sobered to the various ideals implanted upon the witches whom only wish to feed on them. She becomes Dark Enchantress Cookie due to the Rage inside her at the futility of the lives given to her own people, and allows it to fester in the minds of others in order to create a revolt against the witches to the best of her ability, even if it goes directly against the codes of others. Even as she returns in the Beast Yeast narrative, revived by the Light of Freedom, she maintains her Ragebound tendancies, even as Dark Enchantress ultimately becomes a separate embodiment of her inversion. And note, my interpretation of Princes ultimately have their destruction be a form of self-harm. Her blind optimism for the betterment of her kind is destroyed in a way that destroys her. As she returns to the Faerie Kingdom, the destruction of her aspect is all but certain, due to the wake of Dark Enchantress. Her vow upon return is simply her tightening the nails upon the cross that bind her, hurting herself far more in her conviction to try and save what Hope remains within her before she realizes her potential in the wake of King Faerie's death. In her moments empowered by becoming the Guardian, she chooses to embody the positive aspects of Rage's negativity whilst holding onto her true aspect of Hope

It's something that I firmly believe Destroyer Classes are capable of doing, finding the balance between their agony caused by being confined to their aspect, and finding the truth within the inversion they emulate. While Shadow Milk (when regarding Cookie Run Classpecting of course) is an example of a Destroyer Class that can't escape the confines of his inversion, Saint Lily is a case of a Destroyer that is able to stabilize herself into finding that balance between Rage and Hope. And part of that comes from her aspect dichotomy, since Rage and Hope are Realism and Idealism respectively. Realism without Idealism is Nihilism, and Idealism without Realism is Delusion. Finding a balance is key in order to live a life where you're not constantly disappointed by reality or forever hurting yourself with the endless expectation you'll be hurt by the world forever In an ideal reality, Dirk Homestuck would not be an emblematic example to me of a Prince succumbing to the self-harming tendencies of dichotomy imbalance inherent to the class. He finds himself in the trenches of emulating a Sylph of Mind in such a way that it utterly destroys his self (in both an aspect way and a mental health way). A healthier Prince is one that, in the end, strikes that balance between their emulated inversion and their true classpect, for total destruction of their own aspect is simply impossible. And because the aspect is so deeply linked to their self, it becomes a masturbatory self-hatred that festers into the ultimate destruction of that self. It's not ideal, it's far from healthy, and the necessary balance must be struck in order to maintain the stability of the classpect and the Prince's mental health. Saint Lily finds that, even if it's at the brink of a mental breakdown caused by our favorite blue jester nearly murdering a people she just inherited, and dodges a fate far too many Princes I see labeled as such fall to.

The same goes for Bards, though due to their passivity, it's a tad more complex. While Princes need to make the active choice in the decision to change their actions and balance out their views, Bards need to actively notice their more negative thought patterns their brain passively creates that entraps them in their imbalance. I'm 1000% sure Shadow Milk recognizes these thoughts, but he is not mentally well enough to break himself out of these patterns. Sage of Truth!ShadMil is an example of Mr. Bard of Light striking that balance by choosing to recognize the imbalance of aspect and inversion and making the decisions necessary to become that superior version of his classpect. Do not talk to me about Gamzee, I choose to not waste my brain matter on the clown (I also have not brushed up on him leave me alone I last read Homestuck when I was 12)

Anyway I don't know how to finish this, thank you for coming to my TEDTalk, Saint Lily's an example of a Prince of Hope that found the healthy way of being a Prince, fight me

[rivetgoth]

r/industrialmusic’s “essential albums” list (user nominated and voted)

Thought this was fun/interesting. Right now the sub is doing a “volume 2,” but it’s fun to see the results for what the sub considers essential listening.

Skinny Puppy — Too Dark Park (1990) (1st place!)

Throbbing Gristle — 20 Jazz Funk Greats (1979)

Einstürzende Neubauten — Halber Mensch (1985)

Coil — Horse Rotorvator (1986)

Ministry — The Land of Rape and Honey (1988)

Nine Inch Nails — The Downward Spiral (1994)

Front Line Assembly — Tactical Neural Implant (1992)

Front 242 — Front by Front (1988)

KMFDM — Nihil (1995)

And for what it’s worth, a few frequent “runner ups” I saw (that I imagine will be popping up in volume 2):

Cabaret Voltaire — Red Mecca (1981) (this was NECK AND NECK with KMFDM in the last round up to the very end)

My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult — Confessions of a Knife… (1990)

Godflesh — Streetcleaner (1989)

Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel — Nail (1985)

Nitzer Ebb — That Total Age (1987)

SPK — Leichenschrei (1982)

Obviously this list is far from remotely complete, but I thought the results were really cool. It’s fun to see what an industrial community came together to determine “essential” within the scene, and while it’s not a perfect list nor necessarily exactly what I’d have said myself I do think it’s a pretty successful list of albums I’d more or less call required listening if you’re getting into the genre. Neat!

[velvetpantylines]

Thinking about him stopping for a moment just to admire me in my blissed out state, the look in his eyes makes me want to cry just for the reminder of how much he adores me

[cainrising]

So sorry if this is a double send, my WiFi is bugging

Hiiii! I absolutely adore AOI & the general lessons in nihilism-verse. Lando’s love for Oscar always bubbling to the surface but him pushing it down hurt me so bad 😭😭 Js let urself be in love / be loved bro 💔 My fav scenes r the pool scene (casual affection!!!) and Lando’s beach fantasy (so sweet 😭 + just tell Oscar your loving ideas bro please)

I kept hoping Oscar would yell at Lando to just get his shit together already & it seems like if Lando was just able to say his genuine thoughts to Oscar they’d be a much healthier relationship. So, question about relationship possibilities: if Lando did, in fact, get his shit together, do you think they’d manage to actually have a proper boyfriend relationship? And also, would Oscar ever confront Lando?

I will not lie in my head I am just picturing a rain confrontation scene and then a domestic slow-moving healing journey for both of them (Lando slowly being able to say more of his true thoughts to Oscar 🥺),,, but they’re f1 drivers there is no room to be slow 💔

Love u for writing this 😘 I read AOI first and crashed out and then TV twisted the knife. Desperately praying for their happiness 🙏 Also this is my first time doing a tumblr ask so I’m rlly sorry if I’ve accidentally been rude / overbearing - def don’t mean to be ;-;

to answer your questions: if lando pulled his head out of his ass, he and oscar COULD have a healthy relationship. i think to get to that point, he'd have to get the wakeup call of a lifetime, some sense knocked into him, and maybe some time away from the environment of f1 (think summer/winter break), but it's possible! oscar also has a few issues to work through, so it wouldnt be a magical "i love u and u love me, ok we can be together now" thing. they'd probably have to have some time apart. pretty hard when u work together LOL

i too am guilty of daydreaming abt dramatic rain scenes 😭 i listened a lot to back to friends whilst writing AOI, and i dont smoke whilst writing TV, and dramatic confessions/"but i love you!" (read that in elena gilbert's voice) scenes are my guilty pleasure 💔 i dont have an outline for further instalments, but i do intend to write myself out of this knot of feelings at SOME point. they'll get a happy ending! maybe.

[ollyissleepy]

MOST (if not ALL) of these songs r J-POP because that’s my taste of music 🙇‍♂️ deal w it /j

DISCLAIMER THESE R PROBABLY GOING TO BE INACCURATE OR A BIT OF A STRETCH BUUUTTT…. im not perfect guys /j i wont do like. ALL OF THE LYRICS analysis because if i did this ask will be 20 years long

WHAT’S INSIDE by PINOCCHIO-P

“I felt like maybe I had finally understood it all, but in the end I’m back at square one”

This line reflects a sense of existential frustration and a cyclical feeling. For [name], who has had to fend for himself since a young age after losing his mother, he may have felt as though he understood the world at one point, possibly through harsh lessons learned from his trauma, or through detaching from the emotional chaos around him. But, as the lyric suggests, he’s left feeling as if he hasn’t progressed emotionally or mentally, despite his efforts to understand life. This aligns with his indifferent and nonchalant personality, he might have expected more out of life but feels he’s never truly evolved. His sense of stagnation or being stuck in the same spot is relatable to his need for control, as he may feel that no matter how much he tries to change things around him, he’s still ultimately powerless.

“I may watch the world from above, but this body of mine still lives off of junk food”

This line suggests a disconnect between the way he views the world (detached, above it all, maybe observing as an outsider) and how he deals with his immediate, physical reality (which is unhealthy or indulgent). For [name], this might speak to his internal conflict, he has a cold, detached attitude toward life, perhaps because of past traumas (like losing his mother), yet he is still driven by base desires, habits, or comforts that offer temporary relief (like junk food). The metaphor of "watching the world from above" could be interpreted as his way of avoiding intimacy and responsibility, not engaging fully with others. Instead, he’s passive, watching things happen from a distance.

“Karma is nowhere to be found, the future is ever uncertain”

This line highlights a deep sense of nihilism, where [name] may feel that the moral structure of the world (karma) doesn’t apply to him or anyone else. He’s likely seen enough failure or betrayal in his life to believe that good things don’t happen to good people, and the universe doesn’t reward him for his efforts. This aligns with his sense that adulthood, or any deeper understanding of life, doesn’t equate to anything meaningful. His need for control comes from his struggle to find any sense of order or meaning in a world that, to him, feels chaotic and unfair. For someone who has been failed by adults and seen people act without consequence, it might feel like there’s no higher force to answer to, adding to his detachment.

“It’s useless to say anything, it’s useless to be told anything.”

This line reflects a deep sense of resignation and detachment, which would resonate with [name]. He likely feels that communication and emotional expression are futile, having experienced the failure of adults around him and possibly feeling misunderstood or unheard throughout his life. At 17, especially given his past, he may feel that words are empty, nothing is really going to change or matter. This connects to his indifferent, nonchalant personality, where he avoids engaging deeply with others or even bothering to speak his mind because he believes it won’t lead anywhere productive.

this could also signal that [name] has emotionally shut down or become apathetic to the idea of connection or interaction. The line implies that not only is talking useless, but being spoken to holds no value either. It’s a form of protecting himself from potential pain or disappointment, if nothing matters, he can avoid feeling hurt.

“Lethargy, ignorance– the more apathetic / The more fear of being hurt lies beneath.”

Apathy as a Defense Mechanism! mayhaps! this is a critical line that speaks to [name]’s emotional coping mechanism. Apathy or indifference is often a shield against vulnerability and pain. For someone like [name], who likely grew up feeling abandoned or unsupported (losing his mother, being failed by adults), it makes sense that he would become apathetic. In fact, the more disconnected he appears, the safer he feels, being less emotionally invested in anything or anyone makes him less susceptible to hurt. However, this indifference is not true emotional freedom; it’s a direct result of past pain and a fear of being vulnerable.

rhe line also captures [name]’s internal contradiction. While he might act as if he doesn’t care or isn't interested in others, beneath the surface, there's an intense fear of being hurt or disappointed. His desire to avoid intimacy stems from this fear, if he lets someone close, the risk of being hurt becomes real. So, he keeps others at arm's length to protect himself.

“I wanted to be loved, without loving.”

This line is a direct reflection of [name]’s emotional conflict. He may crave love or connection, something real and fulfilling, but he’s unwilling to put in the effort or risk of giving love in return. For [name], love might feel too dangerous or too much of a commitment. He MIGHT WANT the comfort and security that comes from being loved, but opening himself up to love is terrifying and requires vulnerability. Given his background, he may not have had healthy examples of love, and so, he might have learned to shut himself off, believing that love is something to be taken rather than given. this could also point to [name]’s broader emotional isolation. He desires connection but doesn't know how to make that connection real without feeling exposed. His lack of intimacy with others is self-protective, it’s his way of keeping control over his life. He might feel that if he doesn’t give love, he can’t be hurt, and this reflects a deep misunderstanding of how meaningful relationships work, as they require both giving and receiving.

“They say the heavens are watching, but all the things truly evil remain evil still”

This line conveys a feeling of being let down by external authorities, whether it be adults, society, or even some higher power. [name] likely grew up with the expectation that things would be fair, that there was some higher moral structure in the universe that would punish wrongdoers and reward the good. But seeing this doesn't happen, especially in his own life, may have led to a deep cynicism. If the “heavens” or authority figures are watching but fail to intervene, why should [name] believe in anything outside of his own control? The recognition that "evil remains evil" suggests that [name] sees the world as morally gray. This aligns with his experiences of theft and his disregard for societal rules, he might not see himself as inherently good or bad but simply as someone who is doing what he needs to survive in a world that doesn’t care for him. This could also relate to his avoidance of intimacy, he doesn't expect fairness or redemption from others, so why invest emotionally?

“I shed no blood nor tears, and lack in kindness but”

This line conveys a profound emotional disconnection. For [name], who has experienced loss, abandonment, and perhaps betrayal, the inability to shed blood or tears reflects his emotional numbness. He’s been hardened by his experiences, especially after the death of his mother and the failure of the adults around him. The lack of kindness might symbolize his reluctance to engage with others in a genuine, empathetic way. Given his indifferent, nonchalant personality, this line speaks to his refusal or inability to connect emotionally with others in a meaningful way. He may feel that showing kindness or vulnerability is pointless, as it has not yielded positive outcomes in the past.

the lack of emotional expression (no blood, no tears) can also be seen as a survival mechanism. If [name] shows no emotion, no attachment, he shields himself from further hurt. It’s a way to keep control over his life and avoid the vulnerability that comes with emotional openness.

“Even our scattered thoughts clash with each other”

This line suggests that even internally, there is conflict. For [name], who is trying to make sense of his emotions and experiences, this could represent his inability to reconcile different parts of himself. His need for control clashes with his desire for connection or love, and his indifference is at odds with the underlying fear and sadness that he may try to suppress. This internal clash is a sign of cognitive dissonance, his outward detachment contradicts deeper, perhaps unacknowledged, emotions, which creates a sense of inner conflict. the idea of "scattered thoughts" could also indicate a fragmented sense of self. [name] might feel disconnected from his own feelings or even from who he is, given his traumatic upbringing and the loss of his mother. This sense of fragmentation could make him feel like he doesn’t fully understand himself or his own desires, making him even more resistant to intimacy and control in his life.

“Even if you leave me, even if I understand it was a commonplace thing–”

This line expresses both the pain of potential abandonment and the resigned acceptance that it’s inevitable. [name] might have a deep fear of being left alone (which could be linked to losing his mother), yet he knows, perhaps from his own experiences as a thief and the way he views the world, that people are transient and relationships are often fleeting. He might tell himself that it’s "commonplace" for people to leave, which is a defense mechanism to shield himself from the vulnerability that comes with attachment. He prepares himself emotionally by minimizing the importance of others' departures, even if it hurts. byy accepting that leaving is "commonplace," he distances himself emotionally from the possibility of rejection. This is in line with his avoidance of intimacy and his nonchalant approach to relationships. by detaching, he doesn’t have to deal with the emotional impact of being abandoned.

WITH OR WITHOUT ME by PINOCCHIO-P

“They trampled on my precious flower”

This line suggests early emotional damage. the “precious flower” symbolizing innocence, hope, or vulnerability. Being “trampled” implies a betrayal or violation by those meant to protect. For [Name], this likely links to the loss of his mother (a key attachment figure) and the general failure of adults in his life. That flower could be his sense of safety or belief in goodness, something irreparably damaged. he might not show it openly, but that early loss and betrayal still live in him. His indifference isn’t apathy; it’s armor. The flower’s already gone, so why care?

“Afraid of retaliation, I turn my eyes away”

This is avoidance behavior rooted in trauma. where a person learns that expressing needs, anger, or grief results in punishment or more pain. It’s the fawn response in trauma psychology: avoiding conflict to protect oneself. he’s developed a habit of emotional detachment. He doesn’t trust authority or connection, because deep down, he believes those things bring harm. This line explains why he’s emotionally nonchalant, it’s protective, not passive.

“My timid self, hiding in an ant's nest”

MIGHT BE A STRETCH BUT .. There’s a striking contrast between the inner world and the outer persona here. The image of an “ant’s nest”, small, hidden, overwhelmed by larger forces, implies feeling insignificant, and seeking safety in tight, unnoticed spaces. There’s fear here, not cowardice, a sense of powerlessness that’s deeply internalized. this feels like the part of him he hides from everyone. While he presents as unfazed and self-reliant (often through thievery, gaining control by taking), there’s a scared version of him inside, the 10-year-old who lost everything and had to pretend like it didn’t destroy him.

“Quietly waits for the misfortune to pass”

Even if he takes from others now (stealing, controlling), it might be overcompensation. Deep down, he once learned that his actions didn’t matter, so he stopped trying, now he takes only what he can guarantee, what he can control. He doesn’t believe in things getting better on their own, just quieter.

“Gradually and gradually, my heart becomes dull”

Emotional numbing. This is what happens when someone has absorbed too much unprocessed grief or stress, they begin to flatten emotionally. Not sadness, not rage, just nothing. A dull heart is easier to live with than a shattered one. his indifference isn’t a personality quirk; it’s a scar. He’s dulled himself to survive. He doesn’t get close, because closeness brings the risk of more pain. This line speaks to his avoidance of intimacy, he’s cut off from feeling, because it hurts too much to care.

“It feels like there's nothing I can do to change this world”

This is existential hopelessness. a core belief that one is powerless in a broken world. It’s not just sadness; it’s surrender to the idea that agency doesn’t matter. It often comes from neglect, abandonment, or deep systemic betrayal (by family, society, etc.). he doesn’t buy into the adult world, and rightly so .. it failed him. He rejects the system through thievery, detachment, and refusal to conform. But under that rebellion is someone who once wanted to believe. The hopelessness isn’t cynical; it’s protective disillusionment.

“Shut up, I'm gonna live even if I'm a wimp”

This is defiance mixed with vulnerability. Calling oneself a “wimp” shows self-deprecation. an internalized narrative of weakness. but pairing it with “I’m gonna live” turns it into survivalist rebellion. It’s not confidence, it’s grit. It’s saying, “Yeah, I’m small, scared, tired.. but I’m still here. So shut up.” he doesn’t posture or act hard because he’s arrogant, he’s surviving. His nonchalance isn’t pride, it’s armor. He probably feels weak a lot of the time, but the decision to keep moving anyway is deeply personal. He’s not trying to prove strength to others, he’s clinging to survival in a world that’s failed him. That’s why he steals, why he keeps distance: not to thrive, but to endure.

“I'm invisible, but there's something I can do, right?”

He doesn’t see himself as a hero, but there’s still a moral compass under the surface. That’s why he only steals from those who can afford to lose, he might be invisible, but he refuses to become cruel. It’s his way of saying: “I still matter, even if no one sees me. I still have rules. I still have power, even if it’s quiet.” That shows a resilience that isn’t loud, but it is stubborn.

“The world spins hatefully and indifferently / Even with or without me”

This expresses an existential detachment, feeling like the world operates on apathy. It’s not just sadness, but a realization that the world doesn’t care about you. It’s how someone develops disillusionment early. For [Name], that’s probably one of his core truths. this is a kid who knows that adult authority, institutions, “the system”, they’re meaningless. They didn’t save his mom. They didn’t help him. He understands that people aren’t inherently good or bad, they’re just indifferent. That’s why he’s nonchalant. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he knows caring too much in an uncaring world will wreck you.

“I wish for a shooting star to the endless fighting / I wish for a ray of happiness to those who are kind”

imo this is exactly why he doesn’t steal from the vulnerable. He sees himself in them. His code isn’t a performance, it’s the last thing tethering him to humanity. Wishing peace for others while living in chaos himself says a lot about his emotional integrity. He might avoid intimacy, but he’s not without care. It just costs him too much to show it directly.

“This merciless tragicomedy continues / Even with or without me – still / I have to do something, still”

AGAIN .. I MIGHT BE GOING CRAZY BUT .. this is mayhaps (name) in his core …!!! His actions (stealing to survive, avoiding emotional ties, creating his own moral lines) all come from this place, a belief that the world doesn’t care, but I do. Even if he never admits it out loud, he still wants to make some kind of difference. Not for glory, not for redemption, but because if he doesn’t, who will? That’s his version of control. His version of meaning.

ROOKIE by DECO*27

“Stab and twist, but there ain’t no damage, how swell is that?”

This is classic emotional shutdown. [Name] isn’t incapable of feeling, he’s trained himself not to react. The “no damage” line is likely untrue, but he needs to believe it to function. It reflects his survival method: pain doesn't get in if he keeps the armor on. He was probably "stabbed" a lot emotionally (loss, betrayal, neglect), and now he wears that numbness like a badge. He wants to be unbreakable, even if that means not feeling at all. also because this lyric reminds me of that one scene where damian (i think ..) said something about (name)’s mother ..

“Hell no! I’mma die from all this boredom”

He THRIVES in motion, stealing, staying emotionally distant, constantly calculating. Stillness is scary because it invites introspection.

“Yes, but no! Don’t peel that onion back, such a drag!”

This line is [Name]. He wants control over his emotions, he fears being seen too clearly, because that leads to vulnerability. People who’ve experienced profound loss often feel like being understood is dangerous. He resists closeness because he's learned that when people get close, they either leave or hurt you. So his inner response is: Don’t look too deep. Don’t make me feel. It’s annoying. It’s not apathy, it’s avoidant self-preservation.

“Lame-ass smile, I’m in the middle, of an ‘Ewww! Gross!’ phase”

This is posturing… mocking sincerity, affection, or emotional display as “gross.” It’s a defense mechanism. It also reflects someone who’s trapped between adolescence and adulthood, emotionally suspended, too jaded for innocence, but too young to fully let go of it. rhis is how he sees the world: fake smiles, forced warmth, sentimental gestures, all of it makes him uncomfortable because he doesn’t trust it. He’s emotionally allergic to performative kindness. To him, it all feels fake, or worse, a trap. So his reaction is dismissive disgust. But underneath, that might just be a reaction to pain he can’t let himself feel anymore.

“‘Look over here,’ like, hell no, hell no”

This is a rejection of attention !! but more than that, it’s a rejection of being seen. Not just physically, but emotionally. For someone like [Name], who’s lost a primary attachment figure and been let down repeatedly, visibility is a threat. To be seen is to risk being known, and being known means becoming vulnerable. he keeps himself emotionally out of reach. He avoids attention that isn’t on his terms, because if people start looking too closely, they might spot the grief, fear, or longing underneath the indifference. This “hell no” is a reflex: Don’t look at me, don’t read into me, just keep your distance.

“‘Love you so much,’ hell no, hell no”

This line is outright emotional rejection, not because he doesn’t want love, but because he doesn’t believe in it anymore. It sounds like he’s mocking affection, but this is someone who likely associates love with loss or betrayal. “Love you so much” isn’t sweet, it’s suspicious. he lost the person who actually loved him when he was young, and no one filled that space. Now love feels like a trick or a liability. His coldness isn’t because he’s incapable of connection, it’s because he’s terrified that connection will just lead to more grief. He’s avoiding intimacy because he knows what it costs when it disappears.

“Givin’ the cold shoulder to everything, how totally rock is that?”

His indifference is not apathy, it’s self-preservation (probably….. saying probably so i don’t get thrown tomatoes at me for being inaccurate). Giving the cold shoulder isn’t rebellion, it’s the only way he knows how to stay safe. He probably doesn’t even recognize how often he does it; it’s second nature. The “how totally rock is that?” is a sarcastic mask

“Gotta act all cutesy again, man, what a funny joke, NOT!”

He’s not interested in acting for anyone, especially not to gain affection. He likely sees emotional performance as either manipulative or weak. His resistance here is part of his moral code: I’m not going to fake connection just to be liked. His coldness is almost principled, it’s a refusal to lie emotionally, even when lying would be easier.

“Gotta act disturbed, or else I’m toast, HONEY”

He knows what people expect from him, and he leans into it as a shield. If he acts like he’s fine, people dig. But if he acts distant, dark, “off,” they back away, and that’s exactly what he wants. He needs that emotional buffer, because letting people get close is dangerous. The “toast” part implies he’s terrified of emotional exposure, if someone peels back the mask, he’ll fall apart.

PEOPLE ALLERGY by KAIRIKI BEAR

I MIGHT be stretching here .. but like…. hear me out okay ..

“Pain, pain, pain, / With no breaks in between”

This is the version of him that lives under the nonchalance. He doesn’t walk around talking about pain, because it never stops long enough to be acknowledged. He might not even recognize how numb or burnt out he is. The “no breaks” part ties in with his emotional exhaustion, he hasn’t had a real pause since he lost his mother. That grief became the baseline.

“Throbbing pain, throbbing pain”

This might mirror how grief hits him in moments he can’t control, like a memory he avoids, or the kind of moral tension he feels when he almost connects with someone, but pushes them away again. The “throbbing” suggests he hasn’t healed, just learned to live with the wound. That might explain his constant need for control: if he lets go, the pain gets in.

“No matter this or that or what, / I can't see anything”

He likely learned early on that no one was going to save him. Losing his mom was already destabilizing, but the failure of every adult afterward probably cemented the belief that effort, connection, or honesty won’t change anything. So he shuts down. If he can’t see anything, then he doesn’t have to want anything. It’s emotional self-protection through apathy.

“All limp, all limp, / I contort”

This is huge. He contorts himself emotionally every day, twisting into someone unbothered, someone cold, someone untouchable. But underneath, there’s exhaustion. His whole identity, the moral thief, the detached teen, the cynic, is a shape he had to fold into because the real version of him (the scared, grieving kid) didn’t stand a chance. This is about masking, and the toll it takes.

“No one, no one, no one, / I can't trust anyone”

Repetition here signals internal conviction, this isn’t just a belief, it’s a deeply embedded survival rule. It's the kind of statement that’s been rehearsed silently over years. Trust, in this context, isn’t just risky, it’s dangerous. It's equated with vulnerability, and vulnerability is a liability when the people around you either leave, fail you, or manipulate you. this is exactly how he operates. He doesn’t hate people, he just expects them to disappoint. He’s not “cold” because he’s naturally detached; he’s someone who learned the cost of trusting too early (most likely after his mother died and the people who were supposed to step in… didn’t). Every connection now feels like a potential threat to his emotional stability. So he keeps a distance. Better alone than let down again.

“Those self-important jerks”

This points to a deep contempt for authority or performative morality, people who act like they know better, or who expect respect without having earned it. It's rooted in betrayal by institutions or caregivers, especially adults who held power but used it selfishly, incompetently, or harmfully. he’s 17, but emotionally he’s already done with the world of “grown-ups.” Adults failed him, whether that was in the foster system, in school, on the streets, or just emotionally absent figures. He sees adults as people who play roles, who pretend they know what's right, but rarely live it. His personal code (like not stealing from those in need) is his quiet rebellion against that hypocrisy.

“Tragedies like those here, there, / and anywhere”

This line reflects a worldview shaped by constant exposure to suffering. It’s not even dramatic, it’s stated like a fact. There’s no attempt to frame the world as fixable or just. It’s a numb observation: bad things happen everywhere, all the time. That’s just how life works. this is why he doesn’t feel pity the way others might, not because he doesn’t care, but because he’s used to pain. It’s not shocking to him. It’s common. In a way, he’s become emotionally desensitized to chaos, tragedies are the background noise of his life. That’s why he doesn’t romanticize anything, not heroism, not justice, not adulthood. He sees the world for what it actually is, unpredictable, unfair, and overflowing with damage.

“Overflow like / muddy water”

“Muddy water” is a potent image, not clean, not clear, but murky, tainted, unfiltered. The overflow suggests being overwhelmed by an environment that is chaotic and impure. It’s hard to find clarity or direction when you’re surrounded by metaphorical sludge, that’s the emotional state being described. he’s grown up in the overflow, in the emotional and moral mess that others have made and failed to clean up. His need for control likely comes from trying to survive in this kind of environment. If life is muddy and unstable, he has to control the few things he can (what he takes, what he gives, who he trusts, what rules he follows). It also speaks to why he avoids intimacy, love and connection often come with expectations, confusion, and betrayal. That “mud” is what he tries to stay clear of, by staying emotionally distant.

“I'm scared of people, so / I shut myself away”

This isn’t fear of literal people, it’s fear of being emotionally accessible to them. What’s being protected isn’t the body, it’s the self. And this kind of fear often comes from early betrayal or loss, not necessarily through violence, but through absence, neglect, abandonment. When emotional safety wasn’t modeled, even neutral human interaction becomes a potential threat. after losing his mother, he likely never had another adult he could fully trust or lean on. That kind of rupture makes a kid internalize: people leave, or people fail you. And that idea sticks. So [Name] doesn’t isolate because he doesn’t like people, he isolates because every closeness feels like a setup. Shutting himself away is his way of maintaining emotional control, because connection is chaos. but also? He’s not completely withdrawn. he just wants connection that won’t crumble. He’s watching, even if he’s not participating.

“If this friendship is / only surface-level”

This isn’t just a critique of shallow connections, it’s someone quietly saying, “Don’t bother if you’re not real with me.” When someone has been through grief or trauma, they often develop a sensitivity to authenticity. They can smell fake kindness, forced cheerfulness, or performative concern from miles away. he doesn’t waste time on people who aren’t honest or self-aware. He sees through performative warmth, empty talk, or people who say “I’m here for you” but never show up. And because of that, he’d rather be alone than pretend to play friendship games. This ties directly into his avoidant behavior: it’s not just about avoiding intimacy, it’s about refusing to invest in things that don’t feel real. he may crave closeness, but only if it’s earned, and quietly honest. He doesn’t do “light friendships.” It’s all or nothing.

“I don't want any of it, / Not one bit”

This sounds absolute! but that’s the protective shell talking. Emotionally, this is a pre-emptive rejection: If it’s not genuine, keep it away from me, I’d rather have nothing than something fake. This is someone who doesn’t do half-measures because half-measures have hurt them more than absence. he doesn’t trust casual warmth because it always disappears. So to him, emotional rejection isn’t cruelty, it’s clarity. He’d rather say “I don’t want any of it” than let himself hope something could be meaningful and have it fall apart. This also speaks to how deep his emotional boundaries run. On the outside, he might seem indifferent, but on the inside, he’s making micro-decisions all the time about what’s safe, what’s real, and what will cost him later. and also…. maybe…. he might say he doesn’t want it, but that’s only because he wants the real thing so badly that settling for less would feel like betrayal, not of others, but of himself.

ZAMUZA by TENIWOHA

“I darlingly wield that kitschi rubi on my worn-out name”

The phrase "worn-out name" suggests that the speaker’s identity has been tarnished or is in some way damaged, something [name] might resonate with, especially after the loss of his mother at a young age and the sense of abandonment or betrayal by adults. The "kitschi rubi" (referring to a false or superficial jewel) could symbolize the way [name] tries to mask the underlying decay or trauma of his life. presenting a facade that feels inauthentic, yet something he relies on as part of his self-image. It's a tool for survival, a way to distance himself from the deeper emotional wreckage. [Name] doesn’t seem like someone who cares deeply about what others think, so this line could reflect that attitude of going through life with a bit of detachment, wearing whatever mask is necessary without any deep connection to it. The "kitschi rubi" might suggest a reliance on cheap or hollow symbols of value rather than something genuine, maybe like how [name] uses theft as a way of taking control over a chaotic world rather than building a meaningful life.

“I have become so terrifying down to my core that I could defeat nobility”

There’s a palpable sense of power here! "terrifying down to my core", that could represent how [name] has internalized anger, likely due to years of neglect or mistreatment by authority figures (like adults or society). The speaker believes they are so powerful, so hardened, that they could easily surpass or defeat people of high social status ("nobility"). This could represent [name]'s defiance against the system that has failed him, a need to prove to himself that he has control, and that in his mind, adulthood or status is meaningless. by "defeating nobility," there's a subtle rejection of traditional structures or expectations. For [name], this might mean recognizing that the idea of authority, respectability, or "adulthood" doesn’t automatically mean wisdom or power. The very notion of “nobility” is something that’s almost laughable to him, given his experiences with failed adults.

“How do I look like now? Am I unsightly? Of course I am”

This line strikes at the heart of someone who is self-aware but doesn’t expect or crave validation. The question about appearance may hint at someone who feels disconnected from themselves or society and is resigned to it. There’s an underlying bitterness, almost as if [name] has accepted that he is "unsightly" in the eyes of others, but more importantly, he's not concerned about it. In fact, it’s almost like he embraces it, seeing it as a truth he’s forced to live with. [Name]’s avoidance of intimacy and emotional connection might tie into this. He’s aware that his exterior and inner self are perhaps broken or misunderstood, but he’s indifferent to being judged. It’s a shield of sorts, a self-protective barrier from others who could hurt him emotionally.

"I beg you, please don’t throw the apples at me"

Even if [name] keeps people at arm's length, this line could suggest that deep down, he does fear emotional rejection. The apple-throwing could represent a symbolic “punishment” or a risk of being exposed for who he really is, something he keeps at bay, but may still feel it from time to time.

but also .. [Name] has managed to avoid the emotions when receiving a lot of consequences in his life. He might have an emotional wall built up, especially around figures like Alfred, who represent a sense of care or life he’s not accustomed to. Alfred, being kind and nurturing, could have unintentionally "awakened" something in [name] that he didn’t want to confront, a need for human connection, a desire for protection, or even the pressure of responsibility that comes with caring for others. the line “don’t throw the apples at me” then takes on the meaning of a plea to avoid the burden of what life with Alfred represents. If Alfred is the "apple" or the symbol of a life [name] might have to take seriously, [name] could be pleading not to be “burdened” by that connection. He doesn’t want to be forced into facing the emotional weight Alfred could bring to his life, the consequences of intimacy, and maybe even the responsibilities of being cared for or needing care in return.

“They Lock up, Lock up to themselves– Samsa”

This final part references Franz Kafka’s "The Metamorphosis," where Gregor Samsa turns into an insect and is ultimately trapped in his own isolation. The idea of locking up could reflect [name]’s tendency to keep himself emotionally distant, locked away from others. It could symbolize his self-imposed exile after experiencing trauma and loss, a response to the failures of the adults around him. just as Gregor becomes a monster in his own home, [name]’s need for control might manifest in locking himself away, not just physically but emotionally. He keeps his heart and mind closed off to others, perhaps because intimacy feels dangerous or impossible after being failed by those he trusted (like his mother and the adults who couldn’t protect him).

“Neither sweet words nor a smile will work; if I start to run, I’ve become a beast”

For [name], emotional isolation might be his defense mechanism, where any attempt to approach him with care or affection makes him retreat into something more primal and self-protective. In this way, he sees himself as someone who’s learned to "run" from feelings, and in doing so, he feels like he loses his humanity, or at least the parts of himself that connect him to others.

MUSEKININ SHUUGOUTAI by MASARADA

this is such a silly song…. I feel like this song fits [name]’s silly / true side….. yk the one… at the batcave…. giggles … i might be wrong tho but I won’t do analysis because it will be too long..

thats all me thinks .. j wanted it to be longer but whatevs .. this’ll work 🙇‍♂️ sorry if itd innaccurateeee orrrr im going a lil TOO crazy. i fear i love my son so much i look at him with pink tinted glasses im yappatron 3000 i fear… Im sorry if i listed a lot of popular songs or mischaracterize (name) 😖😖

I don't really listen to jpop so I had to check out some of the songs

I really do love the songs and I feel like they match (name) in so many ways

I do feel like ROOKIE by DECO*27 matches (name) the most? Especially the “Givin’ the cold shoulder to everything, how totally rock is that?” part. Look me in the eyes and tell me it's not our boy.

Either way, all of the songs are great (and some of them were 100% added to at least one of my playlists lol)

thank you so much for doing that and don't worry about it being inaccurate it is and x reader after all :3

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #36

36. FINLAND Windows95Man - "No Rules!" 19th place

Decade ranking: 143/153 [Above Nadir, below Let3]

Okay so, I promised in Saturday's post that I would try to be positive, but I may already have to rescind on that promise lol. (the "lol" is for punctuation because I definitely did not laugh.) "No rules!" stinks and has very few redeeming qualities. 🙂 Natalia was right, she WAS robbed by a Nudist Demon!

For real, does anyone over the age of twenty-five enjoy this dumpster fire? If so, fukk meee. LOVE YOURSELVES.

As I noted in my UMK review back in Feb:

I have difficulty buying into this hyperactive ball of bad taste. “Fuck The System” always feels like the go-to message of individuals that fail to fit into social structures that aren’t fully of their own shaping. For an entry that’s all “live as you like, there’s no rules!” in its messaging, these two look like they conform to just about every styling and behavioural rule associated with Zoomer culture: A total disregard for general aesthetics over a dumbed-down drone of a beat because everything is ironic and nothing is to be taken seriously.  It is a depressing take on life. Yeah sure, a bit of camp levity is welcome in this loathesome world, but any happy song that weaponizes irony like this one trends towards encouraging irresponsibility, cynicism and nihilism. Some things DO matter in life, you know? You need to afford your bills and groceries, charge your social batteries, cultivate your friendships, or else you’ll wind up living alone in a van, down by the river. But if the latter life appeals to you, then this is the entry for you, I guess. For me though; this contest is already has one Joost Klein. Let’s not add a second one from Finland.

Funny how I nailed that even before knowing the full extent of it. I ofc vastly underestimated how bad the live would be, and as soon as I'd seen it my scepsis immediately supernova'd into intense HATRED. If ONLY "Paskana" hadn't been weak as piss. Yes, the cringe in "No Rules!" is deliberate, obviously, I have a sense of humour. Having a sense of humour is why I hate it? How much "deliberated cringe" can one tolerate before concluding "nope, this is r o t t e n." Does it start with

THE BAD GUNTER IMPRESSION?

or

THE DONALD DUCKING?

or

CALLING HIMSELF" A QUEEN"?

or

screaming "SEE ME SLAYYYY" :proceeds to not slay: ?

It definitely ends in whatever this shot is supposed to be.

Humour is subjective sure enough, and Windowsninetycringeman's jokes fall flatter than a pancake á moi. Why is everything denim? Why is this THIRTY-NINE YEAR OLD MAN still engaging in toilet humour and internet speak? Grow the f up? The art lies in the execution and Finland showed neither. I do NOT like Europapa much, but having Finland and not Netherlands in the final vibes wrong on so many levels. Europapa at least had a clear plan and delivered its nonsense in contained, piecemeal doses? It was COMPETENT in what it attempted to be (A Televote Winner), not a lazy amalgation of simple-minded drunk jokes strung together over a Planet of The Bass megamix as some sort of a Hail Mary. Joost and Teemu represent the Expectations/Reality divide of Zoomer Nonsense and it was darksided that only the latter got to compete for points. But on top of that, Teemu was generally just full of shit? Hooray, an Old Millennial engaging in Zoomer Cringe who lets an actual zoomer do all the vocal heavy lifting, without giving him a single featuring credit. Yay! It's a painfully accurate depiction of what being a zoomer is like, but not an intentional one.

Also remember when Teemu said he would "try to discreetly approach the other contestants to find ways to show support for Palestine" (remember that this contest was supposed to be 'not political'?) Hm yes discreet. So discreet he declared his intentions to interviewers so that everyone would know it was HIS idea. "Discreet", human please. And the result of all that talk was...

(lol I'm SO making it sound like I care about what political standpoints any of these acts took, and I don't. But I do call out a fraud when I spot one.)

Yeah well thanks for trying, but I'd rather you hadn't. A statement you can apply to my feelings of the entry overall. Okay, we've reached full circle, time to move on to our designated palate cleanser because THIS page is a safe zone for people of good taste.

The universe where YLE overrules the results and sends THEM to ESC is the one where we head to Helsinki twice in a row.

THE RANKING

[kimkimberhelen]

Thanks for the fun tag @thisoldporch :)

Pick a song for each letter in your URL

K - 'Kick Your Game' by TLC

I - 'Ice Age' by Joy Division

M - 'My Friend The Walls' by The Voidz

K - 'King for a Day' by Faith No More

I - 'I Know But I Don't Know' by Blondie

M - 'Milk Lizard' by The Dillinger Escape Plan

B - 'Blue Monday' by New Order

E - 'Easter Romantic' by Big Business

R - 'Reigns' by IDLES

H - 'Hollywood' by Gorillaz

E - 'End of the World' by Julie Christmas

L - 'Life in Remission' by Uniform

E - 'Ephialtes' by Akhlys

N - 'Nihil Strength' by Author & Punisher

[thesoftboiledegg]

give me 10 random r&m thoughts, first things that come into your head, rn. i’m mid-s3, on e9

I never thought I'd like Rick because he was the dudebro mascot for years, and he ended up being one of my favorite characters. I was one of those people who (wrongly) assumed that the show is bad just because parts of the fandom are nuts.

I think that season three is the best season, but it's not a personal favorite because it gets a little too dark.

When Dan Harmon was designing Rick, I bet that he never imagined that so many people would be attracted to him, lol. Shouldn't have made him so tall!

It's fascinating to me how the Rick and Morty fandom is huge, but there's only about 6,000 fics on AO3 and it's rare for a fic to get more than 10,000 views. Meanwhile, fics in other fandoms like Hannibal easily break 600,000. I guess some fandoms just don't attract fanfic writers like others do.

I don't consider anything outside the series to be canon and don't read the comics because of it. This isn't just for Rick and Morty--I'm like that with every fandom.

If season one came out today, I think that Rick and Morty would still blow up because science and tech bro culture is bigger than ever. I still see Twitter bros with Rick icons and C-137 in their handles.

Nobody has to like Rick and Morty, but my fellow Adult Swim fans need to stop yelling that it should be canceled. Rick and Morty is probably PAYING for a lot of these series that they enjoy. Adult Swim canceling Rick and Morty doesn't mean that Smiling Friends gets ten seasons and a movie, it means that Smiling Friends goes bye-bye. 👋

People who call Mr. Meeseeks and the butter robot (or the show in general) "cartoon nihilism" have no clue what they're talking about. First off, they're talking about existential nihilism, not just nihilism, and second, life isn't meaningless for Mr. Meeseeks or the butter robot. They're created for a specific purpose, and they fulfill it. That's the opposite of existential nihilism. Admittedly, I think the writers were aiming for nihilism and didn't really understand it, either.

Rick isn't a sociopath and Morty isn't dumb, and I wish the marketing would stop selling them that way. I never understood where "Morty is dumb" comes from because he keeps up with Rick pretty well.

Rick and Morty is the only fandom where I've made OCs. Normally, I don't care for OCs/crossovers/AUs because I'm attached to canon, so--why would I read about an OC hanging out at a coffee shop or whatever? But Rick and Morty is a little different because an infinite number of Ricks, Mortys and other characters exist in the show. For me, Rick having a sister would be a true OC.

[a-teacup-of-golden-cracks]

How followers of each of the main 7 Aeons would react to you telling them you're trans:

Preservation: is supportive because it means they'll make more money from your transition

Remembrance: changes everyone's memories that they remember you as your new gender and name

Nihility: adds you to the support group

Abundance: We've been trying to contact you about your body's ending warranty- (or are just terfs)

The Hunt: is mad at you if you want to go on estrogen/wear breast forms/binder since it will make you slower, but loves transmascs who want to take T and get top surgery

The Destruction: W E A P O N I Z E D D Y S P H O R I A

The Elation: YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE