#r me that i will run the errand for you and tell you i don't mind and it's fine and i will really really try hard because i have not yet int

[mueritos]

trying to be more accepting of the likelihood I am autistic, I feel ive been having this constant back and forth conversation with myself for the past 2 years about it. "you can go to school, be a therapist for people, run errands, win awards, and somehow fit 2 jobs into all of that" and I use that as proof that I am NOT autistic...however, realizing i lose an entire weekend for a trip? distress. fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and leaves me trembling, crying, and forced to recover? oh boy i wonder why that happened. feeling confused and like i'm constantly missing something when people express themselves in class or in the workplace? hm, it's almost as if I struggle to not take their language literally.

i don't think i've ever been allowed to be "disabled" by whatever neurodivergency and its symptomology, like, ever. god speed any other neurodivergent children of immigrants, but i don't feel allowed to let any cluster of disturbances or schedule changes or social conundrums disable me. I mean, they can affect me privately, where I am forced to stim and cry and process all on my own. But unfortunately i cannot look like the misshapen freak I feel I am, or well, as least not appear so in a socially unacceptable way.

it's funny i carry so much shame. i am unmasking in ways i never thought i could. i am allowing myself to take things literally with people, and I am allowing myself to ask more questions. "what did you mean by that?" "why did you use that word to describe that?" "can you rephrase that?" it's funnier that I am at such a queer and neurodiverse internship; nearly all of the other clinical staff have some sort of diagnosis (usually adhd/ocd/with flavors of trauma), and we all serve a population of the queerest and most neurodiverse students. i feel SO happy when I see a student and they refuse to make eye contact with me, because I take it as an invitation to NOT look them in the eye too! i tell students during our sessions feel free to stim, here's a weighted plushie you can hold, sit where you like, would you like to pace, should I dim the lights? it is even funnier that i am a neurodivergent clinician working with neurodivergent people, and half the time I dont even follow the same advice I give my clients!

i worry about what my life will look like when i've graduated. my master's will say, "hey, this guy is a clinical social worker and is now ready to be your therapist! or caseworker! whatever they have you people do nowadays!" and I don't think i feel ready to enter any workforce. how on earth will i manage my life and wellbeing doing this 40 hours a week? like wtf? ugh.

i dunno. these r just rambles and perhaps im just seeking some sort of comfort from other autistic people, especially because it feels like i have very few autistic people in my life. i know a lot of the validation i seek will be "resolved" if i seek out an official diagnosis, but I don't have time or $ for that. nor do I think I want one for a number of reasons. I should just continue working on my own self-esteem when it comes to most likely being autistic.

oh well

[rowretro]

𝕄𝔼𝕋𝔸𝕃 𝕄𝔼𝔼𝕋𝕊 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼

✧taglist✧: @baevsxii @nikisdubblchococake @manooffline lilyofhoon

✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, unhealthy love, mentions of blood, manipulation(?), shirtless-ish Riki

♡synopsis: Nishimura Riki. The Robot created by Yang Jungwon himself, a robot that is insanely human like, inside and out. No one could tell he was a robot. However, the Robot had possessed demonly powers, from Satan himself. So I guess you could see it's a half robot. Yang y/n, the younger sister of Jungwon finds herself stuck to this robot 24/7 no matter what she tried, he will always be by her because she's his muse, his world, his love, his obsession.

(PART 5)

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

The Yang siblings sat there silently, watching as the robot worked around the kitchen. "What do you think he's doing? do you think he's babyproofing it?" Y/n asked as Jungwon stared at her, his face had shock written all over it "Oi- no I'm not pregnant!... I meant- do you think he's baby proofing it because he thinks I'm immature?" Y/n asks as Jungwon goes silently "That would make perfect sense... but what part of baby proofing uses strawberries and rice cakes?" Jungwon asked as Y/n blinked.

"NI-KI bot what are you up to?" The girl asked as the robot frowned. "R-right... my bad- Riki- what are you doing?..." she asked as the robot continued chopping some fruit "Preparing dinner." he simply said as Y/n frowned "I- what? I'm the one who usually cooks... Jungwon can't cook for shit-" she said as the robot turned to her, suddenly planting a kiss on her forehead. "My love, My life, My battery, I don't want even a drip of blood leaving your body from chopping vegetables... so go take a seat and let me make dinner." he said as Y/n stared elsewhere, avoiding staring into his cameras that were planted into those stunning, dark eyes.

The girl cleaned around the house a little while Jungwon left the house to run a quick errand at his work place. The girl gasped when she came back. The table was all set, all sorts of perfectly cooked foods, plated aesthetically, decorating the beautiful table. "I-Is someone coming over?" Y/n asked as the robot went silent "no visitors expected today." He simply said as he took off his apron.

"Then why so much food?" she asked as Riki softly pushed her to sit at the table, serving her with some food. "For us. healthy, tasty and pretty." He said as he picked up some food with his chopsticks, feeding her softly. His fingers making their way to comb her hair back a little, as she feasted on the delectable goods. "I don't know why I'm so surprised a robot can cook... I've heard you sing, seen you dance, you really are the whole package..." Y/n trailed off as Riki smiled.

"But I can't love you... we can be friends? but even that is weird... I'm sorry but me and a robot? I'm going to look so crazy." Y/n admitted. The robot's eyes darkened "I'm only PART robot... god why is it taking so long for you to realise you have no choice but to fall in love with you pretty girl?" The robot asked in Japanese as the girl frowned, tilting her head in confusion. "Oh nothing... Just analysing some data" he lied as Y/n nodded.

Y/n helped clean the place up while Jungwon ate. Poor guy had to overwork. "Riki..." Y/n trailed off as she nervously fiddled with the hem of her skirt. "you're biting on the skin of your lips, hair looks like you just fiddled with it, you're fiddling with the hem of your skirt, you're thinking about something what is it?... what's troubling you princess?" The robot asked as the girl stared in a little shock. "O-Oh.. u-uh... w-well... the weekend's over and... I uh. I kinda have to- I uhm..." The girl was scared.

"You want to go to school?" he asked, his voice a few octaves deeper. scaring the girl more. Y/n stared at the ground, as Riki softly lifted her head so she was staring at him, his fingers just under her chin. "Riki it's kinda the law- a-and im turning 18 soon so I will be done soon anyway-" she tried to explain, only to be silenced by his lips. "I'll be going with you." He coldly said as y/n's jaw dropped.

A robot? in a school? Y/n with a robot boyfriend? she needs to keep his robotness a secret, of course the government or military won't be a big deal, I mean this robot can't even be harmed by acid or lava, what the fuck will 109487430498 measly rifles do to him? It's more the fact, he may end up killing so many students. He's going to raise the teachers' standards, it's just not ideal for a freaky demon robot to go to a place for humans. tomorrow was going to be pretty fun...

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

[moshpitgamma]

This was probably asked a lot but can we get a part 2 for Family Reunion?

YESSS FINALLY SOMEBODY HAS REQUESTED IT AGAIN🥹💗💗 I know this was requested to be up again HEAVILY so I now announce

Family Reunion Pt. 2

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Language, Angst to Fluff

🥹💗🙌🏾TAG LIST: @syraxnyra @cheshirenjp @g-l-1-t-c-h-3-r @insomniacticartist

Ps. It’s 50/50 proofread😔🤘🏾💗

—————————— ————————————————————dff

3 years earlier...

“I don't care no more JD. I will really walk out of this resort and leave again if that’s what you want .” I said, grabbing my helmet from the nicely made table.”

“So much for a Family Reunion.....Hope we meet again, but on better conditions.”

That all happened 3 years ago and you haven’t spoken to your brothers ever since. You felt bad for walking out again, but you knew JD was tired of seeing you and basically still called you a mistake. They looked so happy together and they all looked so confused to see me. I knew my h/c hair looked a little pale and had started to age on me, but was I really that dierent?

All those questions were swirling in my head like a blizzard. I was trying not to let it get to my head, but it stopped when I heard a little cute and tiny voice.

“Mommy are you ok?” my daughter asked me.

“Yea im ok sweetie just a little shaken up that's all.”

I didn’t want my little rose to worry so I only told her I was just lost in thought. I knew she didn’t fully believe me because she came up to me and rubbed my cheeks.

“Don’t cry mama it’s gone be ok” she said as she smiled and rubbed her small s/c hand onto my face. My little Rosie is courageous just like her papa/mama (you can pick their gender and what type of troll they are) but unfortunately they died while Rosie was still an egg. So now I'm a single mom with an amazing kid. I would've told Rosie that she has uncles, aunts, and cousins, but I just don’t know how she will react.

“Maybe i'll tell her once she’s from school” I thought to myself

“Ok Rose go on and get ready so you can get on the bus for school hun.” I said in my sweet voice while I headed downstairs to start on our breakfast.

“Ok mama!” Rosie screamed as she made her way to her room in our two story pod.

It has been 15 minutes and now me and Rosie are currently eating our pancakes/waes, bacon, and assorted fruits, until we hear a knock.

“I'll get it mama!” Rosie said as she took o from the table. All I did was mumble an ok as I started to finish up my food and get on washing our dishes. I knew Rosie was on her way back when I heard her little quick-paced pitters of her little feet running back to the dining room. “Mama It’s a letter in gold” Rosie said astonished at the elegant and gold adorned letter. “Let me see, Rose” I say as I puzzledly grabbed the letter and started to open it. “It’s a letter from the Queen of Pop?!” I say in a confused but excited tone. “What would she want with me? I haven’t even spoken or seen her before” I say more confused as I try to put two and two together. “It says to come to her palace pod tomorrow with a suitcase with at least 4 days worth of clothes.” “Mama, are we gonna go?” Rosie asked me as she jumped up and down excited to see a queen in person.” I don’t know hun, but we need to hurry up if you’re trying to go to school” I say in a hurried tone as I tried to rush her outside to get on the bus. Right when we stepped outside the bus pulled up. “Bye babyyyy!” I yelled at her while she got on the bus “Bye mamaaaa!” Rosie yells back before she gets on and takes a seat.

“Now that she’s on the bus let’s go get sum errands done” I thought aloud.

(TIME SKIP)

“I finally have the pod clean and some groceries in the fridge so now time for a little relaxation.” While I was planning on fixing a little movie day for myself I suddenly saw the flash of gold in the corner of my eye. “Oh yea the letter” I thought. I gathered my snacks, started the movie and picked up the letter to inspect it further. “Why does the Queen want me?” “I hope I haven’t broken any royal law or something that I didn’t know about.”

Before I could continue my thinking session, I look over to the time and see that it’s around the time Rosie should be getting home. “Guess I might as well head outside” I say aloud to myself. As I opened the door I saw my little girl running towards me with a big smile and excited to see me again. “How was school hun, Are you hungry?” I asked her as i'm ready to prepare her some fresh blueberries and strawberries as a treat. “Yes momma I am and school was sooo fun.” She told me as she grabbed her bowl full of fruit and went to sit on the couch.

“Momma have you decided yet?” Rosie asked me as she suddenly appeared beside me to put her bowl in the sink. “How- Huh- When- Anyways what are you talking about baby?” I asked slightly surprised at how fast she finished her fruit AND how fast she showed up beside me.

“I’m talking about the letter momma.” Rosie said as she tilted her head. “Are we going to see the pretty Queen tomorrow?” I didn’t want to ruin her spirit, so I said yea and watched as she dragged me to her room to pack.

TIME SKIP TO THE MORNING (Sorry yall)

“Wake up hun we have to get ready to go over to the palace.” I shook Rosie so she could get ready. “Ok mama” Rosie said as she got ready.

After we got ready we started to head towards the palace

“Do you think she will let me wear one of her crowns, mama?” Rosie asked me as she daydreamed of the once-in-a-lifetime request. “I don’t know, baby, but are you excited?” I said as I let my little excitement show. “OF COURSE I AM!!” She screamed as she ran further ahead to the Queen’s pod. All I did was chuckle and hurried to catch up to her.

Once we finally made it to the palace, we were greeted by some guard trolls. “Ahhh Miss Y/N, The Queen is waiting for you inside. Would you like me to escort you?” The slight green guard asked me. They seemed to be a little taken back to seeing a child with me, but they decided to ignore it. “Of course, I would love that.” I said as I let them lead me into the huge pod.

Knock Knock Knock

“Your Majesty, Ms. Y/N is here, just as you requested.”

The guard said as she led us into a bright room where the Queen and some of her guards sat. “OMG it is sooo nice to finally meet you. Well oofficially meet if you really think about it.” The Queen said as she ran up to me.

“Awwww and I see you’ve brought a little guest with you too.” The queen said as she smiled giddily like a kid. “Your Majesty, it is a pleasure to meet you too and this is my daughter, Rosie.” I said as I watched as Rosie grow excited and nervous little by little. “Oh I didn’t know Branch had a niece and please just call me Poppy.” “Wait- You know my brother?” I asked Poppy as she looked at me in disbelief. “Um- yea Branch is my boyfriend”

“Wait- so how do you know ME? And why did you send me a letter to bring extra clothes?” I was confused and perplexed as to why THE Pop Queen wants me and how she knows that I was related to Branch. Branch didn’t even know about me and yet she still found me. “Mama who’s Branch?” Rosie asked me as she heard me ask Poppy how she knew my brother. “Honey I’ll tell you later, but right now me and Queen Poppy have to have a very serious conversation” “Ok mama” She said as she went to mess with one of the female guards.

“Look, I hope I'm not coming of disrespectful or anything, but please tell me why you need me.” I looked at Poppy desperately for an answer. “Branch wanted to see you and wanted to finally meet you and he wanted you to be in his life again.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and only nodded and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. My little brother wanted to finally meet me. “I know it was weird to get a letter from the palace, but I really wanted to surprise Branch with his Older sister that he has never met before, except for that time you came to Bruce’s diner and surprised us all.” She rambled on and on, but you stopped her before she could continue. “Poppy- it’s ok and I'm glad Branch wants to see me.” I said as I watched a small smile formed on her face. “Looks like we’re right on time” Poppy says as she hears a few knocks from the gigantic doors.

She looked towards the enterance me and Rosie came through. Right then I couldn’t do anything, but stare at him.

He was a tall dull blue troll with blackish/dark bluish hair. “Branch?” I said as I felt the tears fall o my face. He looked just as shocked as I was. “Y/N...”

Before he could finish I ran and gave him the biggest hug in the world. I felt my shoulder getting damper by the second from his own tears, but I didn’t mind at all. “Oh spirits! It’s so nice to finally and properly see my baby brother besides having to stare at a blue decorated egg.” I said pulling away from him and moving his face around like he was a tiny little kid. (Kinda like what Clay did in the movie) “WHAT!” A loud scream was heard in the corner. Coming up to Branch was your daughter with a hung open mouth. “MOMMY HAS A BROTHER?!” Rosie screamed as she looked between you and her uncle. “Yes hunny I do” I laughed at my daughter's confusion. “Wait, you have a daughter?” Branch asked me as if he couldn't believe that he was an uncle to other kids besides Bruce’s. “Yes I do and Her name is Rosie.” I said as I looked at Branch’s face from my daughter’s name being named after our late grandma. “That was nice of you” He said to me before excusing himself to go talk to Poppy.

“GUESS WHO’S BACK” a loud deep yell was heard. “Ahh Fuck” I said out loud without realising.

Once I said that you could’ve heard a penny hitting the floor.

“Um surprise” Poppy said as she looked between me and JD and the tension in the air. “Um Rosie how about you go with Aunt Poppy and Uncle Branch while me and you Uncle JD talk.” She was stunned AGAIN for me dropping ANOTHER secret uncle onto her. Before she could go and bombard us with questions she was pulled out of the room with Branch and Poppy. I didn’t notice my other brothers being in the room with us too until I saw them backing out of the room also.

“Why are you here?” JD asked me, crossing his scarred arms and raising one eyebrow. “I was invited by Poppy. She helped me and Branch properly meet each other.” I waited for him to say some dumb crap about me, but it never came. I was ready to walk out of the room, but slight hiccups and snies were heard from the older man that was across from me. “What the-” “I'm so sorry Y/N. I never meant for you to leave. I was to caught up with trying to hit the family harmony and I totally fucked it up.”

HE was apologizing....

After so long..

I didn’t know how to feel and I only stared at him with a mix of shock and disbelief. “It’s hard being the oldest and ever since mom and dad left, It’s just been me. I shouldn’t have lashed out on you. You were never the problem, but when you left the pod when we were younger, it had done something to me and had made me live with regret ever since.” He meant every word, as his eyes started to become bloodshot from the constant streams of salty streaks running down his eyes.

“I get if you don’t want to speak to me ever again bu-”

It went silent…..

Jd was being embraced. You felt like everything was complete. He finally apologized and wanted to make things better. “I forgive you.” You said with tears in your eyes. “Thank you” was all he could muster up as he held onto you like his life depended on it. Everything was great until the door was busted wide open by one particular person. “BROZONE ARE MY UNCLES! AND MY AUNT IS THE FREAKING QUEEN!” Rosie said as she ran to me as if I said no more candy forever. Clay and the rest of them walked into the room ready to ask questions and hang out and I couldn’t wait to tell them everything “Guess the Family Reunion did happen again” I said as I looked at JD. “And on better conditions like you said”.

I HOPE YALL ENJOYED AND IM SO SORRY FOR MAKING YALL WAIT WEEKS FOR THIS STORY😔I NEED TO DO BETTER BUT I HOPE YALL ARE SATISFIED

[bye-shou]

luca kaneshiro × gn!reader

angst

characters : luca kaneshiro

side characters : -

warnings : character death, hurt no comfort (i think you know what's up), suicide❗❗❗, implied self harm❗

please do NOT interact if you are sensitive to the topics marked with exclamation marks (❗)

summary : your husband's asthma has been getting worse, but he's been saying that it's fine, and that he didn't need to go to the doctor. but...

i managed to cook up something!1!!11

⇚ ↺ ⇛

you are the significant other of luca kaneshiro, a boss of one of the most famous companies in the whole world.

you were doing chores, like sweeping & mopping the floors, cooking, organizing, being a responsible housekeeper.

you hear some footsteps, and are met with a hug from your dear husband.

"welcome home, dear." you greet, smiling as luca keeps you in a warm embrace.

"hey..." he greets back, still hugging you tightly. then, he coughs.

"oh, are you sick? or is your asthma acting up again..?" you ask worriedly, as luca tries holding back coughs.

"it's okay. i'm fine, don't worry about me." he says, patting your back reassuringly.

"if you say so... but please go to the doctor if the symptoms get worse..." you get worried. luca rarely got asthma attacks the past few weeks, but it seems something happened.

"you should work so hard, you know...? take a break, working without rest is harmful to your health." you advise, your voice soft, worry visible in your words.

"it's fine. the bills won't pay themselves, you know?" he jokes, however you didn't laugh.

"well... your inhaler is on the table. i'll prepare something that won't make your asthma worse, okay?" you say, before pulling away from his hug and going to the kitchen. luca just nods, letting go of you.

he goes to the bathroom to shower after a long day at work, while you prepare some chicken & rice with spinach and kale. you also cut up some fruits.

luca came to the dinner table, ready to eat. although he didn't enjoy vegetables a lot, he knew he had to eat them.

you two enjoyed dinner, and decided to do your own things. luca did his normal things like working.

it was 10pm, and you both decided to get some rest so you could wake up early for a new day tomorrow.

you two hugged and cuddled together, and eventually fell asleep.

the next few days were similar. his asthma getting worse, yet him refusing to go to the doctor and telling you not to worry.

⇚ ↺ ⇛

you both went to bed early, because you both had matters to attend to — luca needing to go to work and you needing to run a few errands.

when you woke up, you realized luca was not by your side. you thought that he probably just went to get ready.

when you went out, you saw luca.

but... he didn't give you a hug and big smile. instead, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥.

"luca!? a-answer me..! luca!" you realized tears were forming in your eyes. you immediately ran to get your phone, then called 911.

"h-hello!? 911...! my husband passed out, his asthma has been worse lately, but he saw it as nothing... but this morning, i found him passed out on the floor...!" you manage to sob out, you were so scared of what was gonna happen to him.

"calm down, where's the address? we'll send an ambulance right away!" the officer on the other side said, getting ready to dispatch an ambulance.

"i-it's xxx, b-block b xx..!" you tried calling yourself down, but you just couldn't. you started crying, breaking down.

"okay, i have dispatched an ambulance. stay on the call with me." she says, telling you reassuring words how your husband will be fine.

when the ambulance came, they immediately brought luca into the ambulance and set off to the hospital asap, as the officer on the phone hung up.

you drove the the hospital, and searched for the room luca was in.

you waited and waited outside, waiting for the news about him. your heart was racing, you were nervous.

a doctor went out of luca's room, and you hoped that he went to bring out good news. but, he seemed really sad.

"𝙬𝙚'𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙤 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮. 𝙬𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜." the doctor said, "please be patient. really, we tried everything. but... 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵."

just those four words were enough to make you burst into tears. you were in denial, there's no way he's gone, right...? you two were being all lovey-dovey the other day... how...?

⇚ ↺ ⇛

ever since that day, you were in a deep depression.

you couldn't do anything, you couldn't even get out of bed.

you couldn't bear it. you couldn't bear the fact that your dear husband for five years, has passed on.

you didn't want to believe it. you tried convincing yourself that it was just a dream.

but, you have to face reality.

he's gone. and there's nothing you can do about it.

you sobbed day and night, you were so guilty. why didn't you bring him to the hospital, when you knew it was the right choice?

you felt like a horrible person.

⇚ ↺ ⇛

eventually, you got up. not positively, though.

you started hurting yourself, whether it be cutting yourself or not eating at all.

you felt horrible. you had no appetite, you didn't feel like you could ever be happy ever again.

one day, you chose a choice that will never be able to be reversed.

you chose to 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭. hoping that, maybe you'll get to see luca in heaven, and you two could meet up happily again.

you went to the beach, and made sure to go to an area where there was nobody guarding it.

you slowly walked into the water, without stopping.

you went deeper and deeper into the water, you didn't care if your clothes were soaked by now.

slowly but surely, your lungs started getting filled up with water.

you couldn't breathe, though you were holding in your coughs to make sure there wasn't any unwanted attention.

eventually, you 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. everything was dark, and you hoped no one would find you. you were nowhere near the shore, after all.

maybe luca wanted you to live a long life, but you couldn't bear to live like that when your dear husband has passed on.

[archive-of-the-lost]

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 @glumii

꒰Your match is Niko Ikki!꒱

꒰I꒱— Impression (Their first impression of you)

She's probably like me. He first saw you at the manga shop he frequently visits, so he knew you have the same interest as him as he watched you check out with a new manga volume in hand. He didn't think to approach you at first, he's an introvert after all; but as he saw you at the same manga shop over and over again, the thought of befriending you became more compelling. The problem was that you were always there with your friends, and he was too shy to try and talk to you with them around. Until one day, finally, his chance came.

꒰A꒱— Anecdote (A little story about you and your matchup)

Your first date with him was at a cute, not too pricey cafe. He was really nervous and kept looking down at his lap as he tried to make conversation. You're both the type to let someone else lead the conversation unless it's on a topic you're interested in, so he decided to just ask about what kind of anime you're into a few minutes into talking. The date ended up going well since you both started taking turns talking about your favourite animes, mangas, and games. It's not until he returns home with a happy sigh that he realises he didn't even find out simple things about you like your family dynamic, what future career you're considering, goals you have. Even if he doesn't enjoy small talk, that seems a bit much for a first date...

꒰E꒱— Expression (The one little thing they do that shows how much they love you)

He knows you don't like being alone, so he tries and accompanies you whenever he can. Like when you can't get your friends to go to an event with you, he'll offer to come with you. Same with running errands like going grocery shopping. It doesn't matter how mundane or "boring/tedious" whatever you're doing is. He likes spending time with you, and wants to make sure you have company.

꒰R꒱— Revelations (What did they learn about themselves after getting into a relationship with you?)

It's astounding to him how you can make him come out of his shell almost easily. When he approached you in that manga shop and asked you out after getting to know you for a bit, a big step for him as he doesn't approach others often. How he'll accompany you through new and crowded places like train stations because he knows those places make you uncomfortable, how he'll order for you at restaurants even though you both would rather let others order for you, pushing himself out of his comfort zone so you can be more comfortable. When he talked about his beloved Yu-Gi-Oh! cards then apologized for rambling, but you told him to continue and said you like hearing him talking about something so passionately. You accept him completely and encourage him to be more open around you. It's comforting. He wants to be someone you can take comfort in too.

꒰Q꒱— Question (Who popped the question? How did it go? - Answers to this letter take place after a time skip so the character is aged up)

He was the one to propose. He took you to the manga shop where he talked to you for the first time, even though you both had moved to another city by then. He didn't even try and pretend he had a special order to pick up or something. If you guessed what he was planning on your way there and asked him about it, he didn't answer. There, by the furthest left aisle of the shop where he approached you, he pulled out a velvet ring box and popped it open to reveal a diamond ring. He got down on one knee afterward because he was so anxious, and forgot to do that before pulling out the ring, but he made it look natural like he was planning to do that so you couldn't tell. He's gained more confidence and maturity since you both started dating, but you can still see a glimpse of that nervous boy wanting you to accept his request to go out with him all those years ago in those teal eyes of his, no longer hidden behind his bangs. You see him fully, and he sees you.

꒰Thanks for requesting! Hope you like it.꒱

[neon-moon-beam]

Listen, if you think "b*d r*tting" is cute, quirky, fun, or desirable in any way

Unfollow me now, cease your interactions with me.

"B*d-r*tting" is the symptom that has negatively impacted my life the most.

I cannot tell you how many days I have wasted over several years fatigued emotionally to the point it becomes physical and feeling unable to leave my bed. Hell, I did it today. It makes it difficult to go to work, do chores around my home, get outside, basically function in nearly any way. If you think this makes me quirky and fun, fuck you, and fuck off. I want recovery. I want to be able to wake up in the morning on my days off from work and do basic shit like tidy up my space, cook, go for a walk or run errands, not feel stuck to my bed, glued to a screen, watching videos on YouTube from licensed therapists trying to figure out how I can fucking stop being stuck in bed between videos about Zelda or videos where neurodivergent people show cleaning methods that worked when they felt they couldn't clean, or videos of recipes I'd love to make but never have time after work nor energy on any day.

My only clues (per said videos watched while stuck in bed) on how to get out are to force myself to move in small ways, and to be able to quit my current job and move onto one that doesn't leave me so burnt out, and remove other sources of stress in my life that are far easier said than done, and come with a lot of barriers I cannot simply remove with things the way they are now.

B*d r*tting has been hell to me for I don't even know how many years.

If my hell is your heaven, I don't want to know you.

[pumpkinsy0]

Buck x Tim headconnons

I feel like they would be a good duo

Buck can fight, but he's just retired to fight. Just tends the Bar he owes

They will both beat peoples asses, if they fight together

Tim makes fun of Buck for being old, but Buck doesn't get mad he lets it slide

If its Buck's b-day, Tim will steal him little gifts (Buck gets mad at Tim for stealing but is thankful for the gift)

If its Tim's b-day, Buck will let him have free beer (only on his birthday)

Tim dares Buck to fight him, but still losses to Buck anyways 😂

When Tim is having a bad day, he will go to Buck's bar and spend there all day till he's drunk (maybe will often tell Buck about his bad day, and Buck will try his best to comfort him) I thought that will be cute♥😭

Since Buck has a dog (I feel like it should be a girl and her name should be pig) But Buck's dog loves Tim and Tim loves her back, he loves playing with her and she loves playing with him

One time Buck was laughing at Tim, because he was getting attacked by Pig while playfighting, and she accidentally bit Tim so hard he ended up having a scar on his neck (ofc Buck took Pig off Tim, but Tim was hurt so badly he couldn't talk right for a few week😭)

Tim wasn't mad at Pig, but was mad at Buck for laughing at him💀 (its fine if u don't like the whole idea)

When Tim's car isn't working and he need to go some places, he would steal Buck's car and Buck finds out, gets really pissed at him for stealing his car

Speaking of Buck's car, Tim like riding with Buck when he's running errands (Tim's passenger princess😭 Buck is forces to buy him stuff) 💀

Sorry for writing so much. And sorry if you don't like some stuff I put down. But I would love to see what you come up with. (I love your headconnons there so awesome! I wanna know what you put for THESE TWO. And its them being friends not lovers I swear😭)

This is the same person that asked for the "Buck Merrill headconnons" just letting you know. :D And you know that Buck is my favorite character. :D I also loved what you wrote for him, and thanks for taking your time writing about him. Now I wanna know for this one. :D

OOoOo i actually dont see many ppl talk about buck n tim so id b happy to talk about it!!!

perhaps buck will b my third fav caribbean man of the outsiders one day

•i see them as business partners and friends!!! not exactly THEE closest of friends, but friends nonetheless!!!

•so like,,,both of em r black,,,,both got 4c hair,,,perhaps they share tips n tricks on how to maintain their hait🗽🗽

•i can totally see buck w cornrows, tim probably did it for him as a “thanks for letting me hide out here while the cops searched for me and patching me up”

•tim can braid hair thanks to practice on angela and curlys hair btw i feel like i should announce that

•tim absolutely does make fun of buck for being old even though it’s literally by a few years buck is so sick of it, ESPECIALLY when tims drunk, ur so real for this hc anon

•for tims bday he definitely abuses his free beer privileges n takes some home, if he can get it for free and not have to pay later he’s DEFINITELY gonna b on that

•buck doesnt rlly fight anymore but he for sure isnt rusty, hes the bartender AND the bouncer let that b known☝🏽☝🏽

•buck MIGHT join in on a rumble if tim RLLY needed the backup but thats a huge might

•AT FIRST pig was fucking terrified of tim, like she would run away from tim, but tim gave her some food ONCE and now she loves em

•sometimes when buck and tim get together for business reasons tims just petting pig cause fluffy dog goes brrrrr

•inspired by my dog but sometimes pig just takes tims hand and literally forces the guy wherever and tim wants to hate it but pig is a cutie so he lets it slide<33

•LIKE I SAID caribbean men, buck prolly taught tim some trinidadian creole english while tim taught buck some haitian creole #culturalkingswowiezowie

•if tims having a bad day or is just bored and doesnt rlly wanna go home he just goes to bucks bar to pick someone up or drink a bit hes not a busy man EVERY day surprisingly

•rlly when it comes to buck, if darry cant rlly relate to him he knows that buck will to some degree!!!

•ALSO ALSO hc that when tims locked up or gets arrested, he calls for buck to watch over angela and curly, cant have them without a guardian now

BUT YEA THIS IS WHAT I COULD COME UP W ON THE WHIM hope u liked it anon🫶🏽🫶🏽

and thx for liking the hcs :D!!

[hanmi-xo]

CHAPTER 5: "Happiness in the Rain"

| My Happiness | Chapter List |

Previous I Next ------------------

[ C H A N ]

I watched as the two walked down the quad.

Her hair bounced with each step she took and her oversized cardigan moved with the motion of her stride. Hansol walked along side her and before they could turn down the corner to one of the lecture hall buildings, he turned around to look at me.

I watched as he waved towards my direction as if he wanted me to notice him. He then walked ahead of Subin and the two disappeared behind the corner.

I couldn't help but be annoyed at this whole thing.

I skipped class in hopes that Hansol wouldn't try anything funny. I hardly ever skip class but with the way Hansol has been acting ticked me off.

If Subin knew he didn't have the same class as her, she would be mad. I've never really seen her mad before, but I've seen her disappointed many times.

She was never one to like liars.

Yet, here I was lying to her. I stayed in the library and lied to her about having class later just to be paranoid over my troublesome friend.

It was too late to go to my actual class. It ends at this hour. I am no different from him.

"Why lie about your class?" I mutter to myself. "Why do you choose to bother Subin?"

This isn't like him.

Why Subin of all people?

~

The rain poured with splashes of raindrops hitting every surface of the concrete. I watched it pour as I breathed in the dew air.

Students huddled under cover by umbrella, coats, or by roofing. The sound of their footsteps echoed with the sound of puddles. Though there were many people leaving campus, there was one person who I couldn't take my eyes off.

Kim Subin.

She ran impetuously. She had some of her clothes drenched from the rain while she made her way to pass the crowd.

As always, she went the opposite direction. And I knew where she was heading.

I took out my umbrella and made my way to her. She hasn't changed even in childhood.

She was still beautiful.

I remember the first time I saw her. It was like she magically appeared in my neighborhood.

——

B E F O R E

It was Spring.

The new start of a school year was around the corner and I was excited for the day to arrive.

I was waiting for my umma to come back from work while my halmeoni watched me at home.

The sound of water dropping from the edge of my roof slowed down, and I quickly stuck my head out the door. I watched as the sun finally showed its face from the grey cottons that covered it.

A rainbow could be seen forming as the sun glistened through the hollow parts of the billow of clouds.

I came out of my house to greet my mom since she usually comes home around this time, but when I turned to look down our street where she usually comes from, her car was nowhere in sight. Instead, I saw the Kim's. They were moving bags from their car and I watched in a distance. That's strange.

I don't remember them going anywhere. Those luggage's looked heavy.

"SUBIN!" I heard Miss Kim yell.

Subin?

Out came a girl from their gate. She looked about my age.

She had mid-length hair tied into a ponytail and she had a pale complexion. She looked malnourished and wore an oversized shirt with tattered jeans. She had a few bangs that framed her face but it was unkept. She looked like she's been running errands or something?

I watched her talk to the Kim's before she began moving heavy luggage's that looked like her size. Two younger kids came from the gate and helped carry small bags. I couldn't tell what it was. Clothes?

"The Kim's have kids?"

I looked at my halmeoni who appeared behind me. She too hid behind our gate's door way to watch them.

"But, I was told they don't like kids?" I say in confusion.

I hear the neighbors all the time talk about not wanting kids. During Halloween they never have candy and they always gave other kids and I dirty looks like we were some sort of species.

My halmeoni looked at me with a surprised expression before giggling. "That's what adults say, but there usually comes a time when some of them change their mind."

"Change their mind?" I repeat her words.

Could the Kim's really have changed their minds? How would they magically have a kid though? She looks the same age as me.

(I didn't understand it then, but it was later on when I found out what adoption was...)

I turned back around to look at the girl who was helping her parents. She came back out from the gate with the luggages from her hands gone and stuck her body inside the back seat doorway. She was reaching for something.

I watched in curiosity to what appeared to be a uniform which was much similar to mine.

She's going to attend the same middle school as me? Does that mean I'll see her around school? Will we be classmates?

She came out of the car and saw her turn her head towards my direction.

A ray of sun hit her with a faint rainbow overlay. I felt my stomach twist from seeing her. It was like seeing a painting in real life. She was surreal.

Her eyes were dark but with the sunlight it looked like honey. Her hair bounced with the gentle wind, and her lips were slightly parted like she was thinking of something.

She looked alluring. Was girls supposed to look like this? I've met plenty in class but none of them ever looked like her. She reminded me of the moon with how she appeared like a dream.

She was beautiful.

I couldn't help but awe at her. Was she even real?

"Omo, what a pretty girl," Halmeoni said with joy. "You should be her friend, Chan."

"HUH!" I yelled in surprise from my Halmeoni's words.

"Chan, your cheeks are red," she teased with a finger on her lips to signal my abrupt voice.

I quickly covered half of my face with the collar of my t-shirt.

"No they're not," I huffed and avoided eye contact with her.

As I was turning back around to see if the girl was still around, I felt something hit the edge of my shoes.

A ball?

I picked it up with wonder where it came from.

"I'm sorry!" I heard a feminine voice say aloud.

I stared at the beauty that was far from me moments ago. Behind her was a boy and a girl who looked very similar to her. They hid behind the doorway of their gate and watched me with a look of anxiety.

My eyes wandered back to the girl who seemed to have walked closer to me.

"I'm sorry about that. My siblings were playing and the ball flew out of our yard," she said with such an apologetic tone as if she did a horrible thing.

I wanted to speak, but I didn't know what to say to her.

She was so beautiful...

"Oh no, it's okay. Accidents happen," Halmeoni said and grabbed the ball from my hands before handing it to the girl.

"Oh... thank you," she politely said before bowing and was ready to make her way home.

"Ah! What's your name?" Halmeoni asked her before she can fully turn away.

She stared at the two of us with wide eyes before softly smiling.

"Subin. Kim Subin."

That was the first time I felt myself physically and internally freeze from seeing someone. I didn't know what to say. How I should respond or if I should even say my name back.

"Kim Subin? What a pretty name," Halmeoni delightedly said. She put her hands on my shoulders as she stood behind me.

"My name is Lee Eunkyung, but you can call me Halmeoni Eun. This is my grandson, Lee Chan," she introduced with glee.

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out so I instead raised my hand to wave at her. I felt so embarrassed with how I was feeling.

"Chan is usually very talkative. He's just shy when he sees a pretty girl." Halmeoni giggled which only made me feel more embarrassed.

I couldn't deny her words. Especially when Subin stood there.

She looked at me with eyes that I couldn't read. She smiled, but she wasn't happy. They looked so empty. It was like she was hollow. For someone that seemed surreal, she also seemed sad.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not pretty," she said. Her tone was polite but her words were heavy.

Her eyes looked down at the ball in her hands before looking back at the two kids hiding. She turned back to look at us.

"It was nice meeting you, Halmeoni Eun. You too Chan," she said. "I have to go back home." She bowed to us.

I waved. I was still having trouble to speak for myself.

Halmeoni said her good byes to her in hopes to see her again and Subin just smiled and waved her hand before disappearing into her yard with a shut of her gate.

Before I thought she just wanted to get out of the conversation out of embarrassment.  I was twelve. I didn't know anything. But now that I think about it, she was not just avoiding us.

But she was shutting herself away from the world.

I wanted to bring her out of her bubble, but how could I?

I was in no place to bother her. Yet here I was holding an umbrella over her head.

———

"Chan?" She whispered to me.

Her eyes glistened through the rain. She looked surprised from my presence, but I couldn't blame her for that.

Why would I be here out of all place? Is probably what she might be thinking.

I usually would be heading home, but with the way things were going today, I wanted to stay by her side.

This time, I won't be a coward like I was in middle and high school.

"Your hair's wet," I say. Her face was pale from the cold air that stuck to her face due to the rain. "I'll walk you to the bus stop."

She shook her head and motioned me to stop in my tracks.

"No, no... it's okay!" She said with protest.

I laughed at her silly expression along with her dramatic gesture. She always avoided causing problems from others.

But helping her is never a problem for me.

I looked at the dark sky that continued to pour endless rain. The only thing stopping the rain from hitting us was my umbrella. My eyes met with Subin who seemed to be watching me.

"Keep my umbrella then."

Her eyes looked at me with astonishment. Before she could protest, I gentle grabbed her wrist before putting the handle in her hand.

"Chan!" She immediately said with such shock.

She tried to give it back to me but I quickly dodged her hand that held the umbrella. I ran from her, loosing the one thing protecting me from the rain. She followed after me as I continued to run away from her with my hands in my pocket.

She can't give it to me if my hands stay in my pockets!

"Nope! It's yours now!" I laughed. It was funny seeing her chase me around.

The feeling of rain hitting me felt exhilarating while I sprinted down the pathway. It got my heart pumping from the thrill of not just the feeling of raindrops, but the fact Subin was trying her best to keep up with me.

I ran towards the bus stop while some students and bystanders watched. It was getting darker and from the looks of it, the sun could be setting behind these dark clouds.

There was traffic forming on the busy street signally how late it is becoming. The lampposts were slowly getting lit and the noise of people grew closer as we got close to the shopping center.

I watched as she made her way past people while she huffed and puffed. She may be annoyed by me but I knew she was enjoying the moment.

Her lips were curled in a smile. She seemed to be happy, or I so hope. Seeing her smile was great, but for her to be happy- that's what looks best on her.

I smiled as I made it to the bus stop while she slowed down her pace. She walked towards me with heavy breathing while I tried to catch my breath.

I watched her try to speak but she was too out of breath. She tried to give me my umbrella, but she ended up stumbling.

Her legs got weak.

I quickly caught her.

I felt my hands wrap around her arms to steady her. Her eyes met mine and for a moment. It felt like the world stopped.

Her bangs framed her face as if she was a delicate portrait. Her hair was messy from running, but it didn't stop me from gazing at her.

Was this what it meant to be lost in someone's eyes?

If so, I don't ever want to get out of it.

• • •

Previous I Next

[ruruumin]

get to know me!

꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ short q/a about myself ₊˚ෆ

because of a new rebranding & username, i thought it might be good to actually introduce myself to those coming onto my blog for the first (or maybe second? time).

if you don't know me already, my name is rurumi (formerly kiri), and i've been writing fanfiction since i was 14. i started on wattpad before moving onto quotev, and then settling on tumblr. my old username was jiyuusa, and i used to write furuba/oneshots!

i'm a humanities student studying literature & my favorite genre of books is magic realism/speculative fiction.

⤷ who is your favorite character to write about?

i used to write a lot for kazuha kaedehara (see here) before moving onto alhaitham! my type are aloof prodigys...

however, at the moment, i am diving really hard into blue lock, especially with rin itoshi because of how fun it is to write about his character (a horror movie fanatic got my heart beating bum bum bum...)

⤷ what does your ideal home look like?

something cozy & cute! however, my hobbies and interests all clash against each other so it'll never be uniform (my gundam collection does not fit with all the chiikawa plushies i own).

i'd like to live somewhere that is quiet and peaceful. i own a cat and i think we both agree that the loud noises around our apartment is too much at the moment. maybe somewhere with a lot of trees and a pretty view?

⤷ what should i call you now?

ruru/rurumi/rumi are all ok!

⤷ what is your favorite/worst food?

i really like hotpot & or spicy foods. poke bowls is a close second, i grew up eating them with my mom whenever we would run errands together. hotpot is the best (until someone tells me im just eating boiled meat).

another thing that i really like is cod roe. i think it's the best companion with rice if you eat it with seaweed/japanese mayo, and soy sauce.

my least favorite food is anything super bitter. i don't like bitter melon or improperly cooked vegetables. there isn't anything i am super distasteful towards, i think they're all okay but i wouldn't choose to eat them.

⤷ other than writing, what do you like to do?

i like building gundams, drawing, singing, and longboarding. i don't normally post any of these onto my main blog mainly because i try to stick with writing fanfictions, but if people are interested in seeing any of the three (not putting my singing out there), i wouldn't mind it.

i am also a huge horror movie fanatic or a film person in general. some of my favorite movies includes: the menu, whiplash, pearl & x, cabin in the woods, encanto, over the moon, etc.

⤷ what music do you like to listen to?

i like r&b/soul but i also listen to anything that sounds good. one song that always sticks around with me is happy end by backnumber. the songs i am currently listening to the most at the moment is prayer x by king gnu and on&on by wenszy.

honorable mention is super♡crush♡central by chalkey.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Artist!Luke Masterlist

Aquarelle (ao3) - antisocialhood michael/luke N/R, 3k

Summary: Michael was slow fucking into him, taking his time to build a pace that would ultimately drive Luke nuts and probably give him the best orgasm of his life

Brush Strokes (ao3) - falloutmuke michael/luke M, 667

Summary: luke has autism with a love for art. michael is an artist with a love for luke.

do you wanna touch (yeah) (ao3) - kingscrossinseptember luke/calum G, 1k

Summary: Calum always had trouble knowing what a normal amount of time was to look at another person, so when his brain kicked back into gear, he quickly dropped his gaze to his shoes, realized that was probably too obvious, and then darted his eyes around the aisle until he settled on staring intently at the rows of paintbrushes sticking up in front of him. Hopefully the pretty stranger was too focused on whatever errand he was running to pay attention to some weirdo fondling brushes. Alas, luck was not on Calum’s side.

every now and then the stars align (ao3) - merlypops luke/calum E, 3k

Summary: Calum gets in trouble a lot, Luke's had a bad life, and Calum would do anything to keep him safe. Anything at all.

if i knew from the start, would it change a thing? (ao3) - acetominophen luke/ashton N/R, 35k

Summary: “All I painted was you, Ash. It was always you.” But Ashton wasn’t listening to him at all. His silver-lined eyes were trained on the hand-written words at the bottom of the canvas, unblinking.

Luke’s gaze followed his and his lips parted because shit, he’d forgotten. He’d forgotten that he’d titled this one.

‘Poisoned myself again. LH’.

Artist!Luke Cowboy!Ashton

if my wall clock tells me that it's 4 in the morning i'll give it hell (ao3) - crankgameplays luke/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: basically writer!ashton with a small case of lukesomnia and artstudent!luke who also cant sleep and he draws ashton a lot okay its not his fault the boy has such a nice face, he /has/ to draw it.

Line Work (ao3) - ashtonhours (heartandmindxx) luke/ashton, michael/calum M, 21k

Summary: Ashton Irwin, 07/07/94, no known medical conditions and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol – and originally from Sydney, as it turns out – is looking to get a bird on his neck.

“A California condor,” he says for about the twelfth time, “on my nape.”

a story about boundaries, trust, and a line in the sand.

no you don't need to be careful (ao3) - xieagle luke/ashton, michael/calum N/R, 3k

Summary: ashton irwin hasn't spoken in a large number of years. he works in the coffee shop his foster parents own, and is constantly dealing with the idea that no one will ever truly understand and accept him.

luke goes to university, studying art. he loves going to the local coffee shop to find a caffeine boost and to meet his friends, michael and calum, the two he is rather jealous of. he says it's a good boost for his muse, but never says why.

Paint Me (ao3) - @daydadahlias​ (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) luke/ashton E, 17k

Summary: “Holy shit, hold on a minute,” Calum says, “is that who we’re supposed to be drawing?”

“I can’t draw him,” Michael gawks, “I’m not a Goddamn renaissance painter.”

Or, the one where Luke is an art student practicing realism for a month and Ashton is the nude model in his portrait class.

twink boy bottom erotica. (ao3) - badomensbaby luke/calum E, 13k

Summary: in which luke agrees to be calum's model for his photography project.

[benefits1986]

ER BTS x Bisperas Xmas 2023

"Ang mga bagay ng pinaghihirapan, hindi mo madaling mabibitawan."

The reason why I took a leave starting 21st December is because a good friend from grad school reached out to me for her wedding invite. Actually, I was supposed to go to ina's house and down work there. LOL. E may nag-DM slide. It's E asking me where I'd be on the 23rd. I was about to share the ekis Iloilo - Danj - Punta Bulata - Guimaras trip, but decided to tell her that I'd most likely be in Manila to run errands for my ina's "house warming" instead.

Since she and her fiance R are law students who are up the neck with adulting, wedding planning and LS deadlines, she sheepishly shared that even her invites came super late. E told me if I can make it to their Lipa wedding. LOL. E and I rarely meet but when we do, super updates translate to 7 hours of daldalan, lakad onti, kain, daldalan, inom, late night and early morning pasok ulit sa work kinda thing.

Actually, I was stunned to get an invite from her. As an introvert, I said yes with reservations. LOL. Then she told me that Ea and Fa confirmed their invite, too. HAHAHA. You see, the last time E and I talked was back in UP Town Center ages ago. Those times, she told me that she's no longer gonna give love a chance after being a consistent alpha female fighter of love na.

E has a very strong personality but tends to love like an accla and is proud to do so. Hahahahaha. I told her that it's okay to choose herself and that her "move back" to Laguna is something that may seem counter-intuitive but may be her going back to the basics. She shared that her condo is her home but there's something weird and wonderful in her first home somewhere in one of the sleepy, plantita paradise towns of Laguna. Tawang-tawa ako kasi that time, I'm rediscovering dad's hometown, too.

Iba, bii. This is what E shared when I asked her that I'd want to understand her "move back" move better. Sana, bii nagbahay at lupa na lang ako. I told E that having a condo near her office when she does not have a Manila house is super duper logical, rather than emotional. She chuckled because she knew I abhor condo living. 'Yung mukha niyang unfiltered ang facial expressions, 'di ko makakalimutan. HAHAHAHA. Sabi ko, bii, let me explain. Ako, as a South of Manila Girl, gusto ko maging probinsiyana. Ikaw naman, since tubong Laguna ka, natural naman na mag-crave ka ng city life, pero sure ako na babalik ka rin sa tinubuan mo kasi rooted ka doon. Bay, Laguna is not a bad spot. Sleepy town lang and sabi mo nga, iba e. Periodtzzz. 'Yung condo mo, puwede mo namang pa-rent out or maging halfway house mo since 'di ka naman din magaling sa Math. LOL.

We talked about her journey and goal to be a mom. Sabi ko, bii, mapagod ka pero 'wag kang mag-tap out. Goal mo 'yan e. Non-negotiable mo 'yan, so push mo. Support kita diyan kahit I don't like kids. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Syempre, asar look si E sa akin.

E and I became close out of really, really asar-bitchesa bonding that involves too loud LOL IRL. Also, kami 'yung magka-partners in crime nung muntik na talaga kaming sumuko sa isang class sa Diliman. Naging coping mechanism namin 'yung pag-compare with delulu ng mga bagsak naming quizzes na naging pasang-awa. Tapos matic partner kami kasi alam naming 'yung kapasidad ng utak at pake namin para walang kahihiyan sa ibang A-list and top-tier ng class. Sobrang naging cheerleader with wicked and dark humor namin each other and eventually, we managed to get a meager 1.75 in that friggin' class. I remember as she walked down the aisle 'yung mga kabobohan namin pati na rin mga milestones namin kahit munti at unti-unti.

From mga updates like: Bii, natapos mo na ba? Bii, drop na tayo. Tatalino ng mga blockmates natin. Bii, 'di ko pa rin tapos. Dami work. Bii, suko na ako. Bii, nasa Laguna ako now. Pasok pa akong QC bukas. Bii, ilan pa allowable absence natin? Bii, ayoko na. Bii, eto na naman prof natin. Bii, paano na? Magliligwak na ba tayo sa nyetang grad school dream turned reality na masakit na 'to? Bii, si Atom, hindi na naman pumasok. Hinahanap ko siya ngayon. Baka andyan sa puso mo? CHOZ. Crush ko kasi si Atom Araullo since birth. CHAR. Kaya lambing niya 'yan sa akin na papakita niya mga ganaps ni Atom. Ayoko na lang though mag-talk kasi... 'wag na. Let's not go there. Bii is actually from her last name. Hahaha. Saka mga accla nga kami noh. LOL.

Seeing her glowing and loudly proud with her curly hair made me smile na hanggang mata abot hanggang hypothalamus. E used to hare her super lovely curls. Lagi ko siya sinasabihan na hair goals ko siya. Pero syempre, babalikan ako ni Bii ng gusto naman niya super straight hair na walang halong kemikal like mine. Maraming beses din kaming nag-stroke ng hair ng isa't isa na walang malisya. Mga 100% of the time, to be honest. Hahahahahaha.

So ayun na nga, 35th birthday ni E today, so her wedding with R yesterday is like a super GG as in God's gift. LOL. Hahahahaha. Seeing her believe in love again after so much disbelief is both nakakatawa at nakakatuwa. Honestly, nung shared niya ayaw na raw niya sa love, aba, I'm like, huy. Tigil mo 'yan. Tacca. Since may bahay, career and core values siya, sabi ko, asawa at anak na lang kulang sa kanya. HAHAHAHAHA. Sabi ko, since gusto rin niya pumunta sa Europa to landi ulit, sabay na lang kami. Ayun, may nahanap na true love kinauwian niya. HAHAHAHAHHA. Lekat.

I have yet to daldal si R because the past 3 years were spent by E in Batangas na. Syempre, I don't drive na sooooo, wala. Plus, schedule-wise, grabe 'yung impact ng pandemic until now. Parang naghahabol parati kahit alam mong may "enough" time naman. Deep dive ko ito next time.

Hindi rin kami 'yung tipong thriving in online kamustahan kasi nga baka ma-SS kami ng malala. Hahahaha. But, I see and feel that R is E's matcha made in heaven to slay the hell in this lifetime and the next. R is super calm and may fun vibe. Tawang-tawa ako sa prenup vid nila where E is actually letting her kalog self go with the flow. Hindi ko kinaya, as in. Si E kasi, batang prod and dev comm ang slant, nag-LS pa kaya mhie, sungit levels neto, 1000000 may irap at simangot plus sulimpat pa ng mata. HAHAHAHAHA. May pagsasalita pa 'yan in a certain way na akala mo galit lagi. Kaya, Bii E and me = super duper mega vibin' always.

Syempre, E introduced me, Fai, Ea and Ja to R. With hug pa syempre, wedding e. Super fun times kasi may PLUS ONE officially na naman sa daldal-introvert-food-inom group namin na hindi mahilig mag-post online and hindi rin mahilig magkita IRL.

Why do I silently love this bunch? HUY. NAIIYAK NA NAMAN RN. Ang aga-aga. When mom died, matic pasok agad akong grad school pati work. HAHAHAHHAHA. As in, walang filed bereavement leave. Walang buwelo. Metal talaga ako e. Walang halong kemikal. Baliw levels 100000 lang. When my blockmates saw me, tumigil silang magdaldalan back in Plaridel Hall. Syempre, I took it as an attack. LOLOLLOLL. LUH. They asked me how I was and bakit daw pumasok ako agad. They "hugged" me without hugging me kasi sabi ko, even a tiny space invasion will make me spiral. HAHAHAHAHA.

Ang lala at kahihiyan levels nito is all coming back to me now. They tried their best to wing me even when I barely pass papers na hindi ko alam paano ko natatawid from South to Diliman on commute then pasok pa ako ng malala ring wantusawa shifts. HAHAHAHHAA. Sila 'yung isa kong super support group na sana mas ni-embrace ko noon, pero here I am making bawi. Sabi nga, better late than never, right? 'Yung goal ko noon is to show up as much as I can kahit sobrang sabog na sabog na insides ko. And of course, basta at least 1.75 grade ko dahil 2 is a mortal sin and ligwak ka na 'pag may dalawa kang 2 plus posted pa name mo sa bulletin board. Lekat.

Looking back, Plaridel blockmates were my lifelines even when I purposefully CTRL + ALT + DEL my feelings kuno. Whenever I see my grades, hindi grades nakikita ko. Vital signs ko na even when I'm messed up and super hindi ko talaga gusto ang mga naganap noon lalo the fuckkkkk na I got my grad school dream at the expense of losing mother dragon, sobrang life-changing niya for me. Ilang beses akong umiiyak with tiny tears sa Diliman sulok-sulok kasi gusto kong ipamukha sa mom ko IRL, in full color that I have finally arrived and I wanna make her proud pero all I get are white or yellow butterflies at certain times in the campus. 'Yung first one is in Via Mare outside the window, may pangasar na papansing yellow butterfly during my first gruesome commute to UPDi. I ate puto bumbong and bibingka kasi fave ng nanay ko 'yun. Also, yellow pala fave niya apart from red. I felt like it's mom who welcomed me to Diliman noon. LUH.

Fa and Ea are the top tier in all classes, kahit electives pa. HAHAHAHAHA. As a shy silent fan girl, iwas akong makipag-group sa kanila talaga. Hahahahaha. Pero, the past years lalo kahapon, I am finding them plus Ja in a different and glowing light. We shared about our current status, and syempre, NGO silang tunay kaya 'di ako magco-compare and no TMI because... 'wag na lang talaga. NGO is much like corp or at times, worse and better at the same time. Dati, ayokong mag-share ng work stuff kasi feeling ko, ambabaw ng marketing lalo ng digital marketing. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Kahapon, iba. As in. Iba rin. Iba na siguro talaga takada ko. Syempre, utusan pa rin ako sa work and sila rin pala pero pay grade levels nila is HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA USD, baby, pero it never bothered me naman kasi gusto ko natuto kesa nauuto. LOL. Hahahahaha. Speaking of utusan, lumabasa lang ako to vape and pee, then sa CR may nanghingi ng tulong. Akala ko naman kung ano. Ninang pala nina ER na nasira gown. I don't know how to sulsi at all but, I tried my best to help. Nung 'di talaga kaya ng kapurit kong kaalaman, buti na lang, sabi sa parish office, lapit daw ako sa coord. Siguro, bias lang talaga ako sa South suppliers since galing akong wedding industry hahahaha. Super bait nung coord. As in. Namiss ko man kiss nina ER, at least, nakahabol 'yung ninang with dress SOS sa official photos and videos with the bride and groom sa altar. Hahahaha.

Really happy to see Fa in her new chapter as a single straight XY. Hahahaha. Sabi ko, since BGC lang naman pala siya naka-base for now, e alam na ang mga paganaps para maka-get back to the ballgame na siya. Hahahahaha. Syempre Ea and Ja naman , super lovely couple who are in a serious relationship involving mortgage and city versus isla life na. Hahahaha. Happy ako kasi they invested in the South, babyyyy. E mga legit Katips people 'tong mga 'to. Gulat nga din ako kasi parang out of character ang South move nila na 'di madaling itawid, tbh. Pero, happy daw sila sa South kasi chill and andaming puwedeng gawin. Hindi lang about mortgage ang usapan; but also, how we go there as in iyak, luha, uhog, ihi, tae and lahat na. I love how we don't compare to be inggit. Kasi ayoko talaga ng inggitero at inggitera. Core value ko 'yan: Be genuinely happy for the wins of your people. Live vicariously through them kasi naniniwala ako na dreams are made of people who come together and celebrate their wins and share lessons about their losses.

What's even better is that ang mga introverts noon, maka-share ng shit nila wagas na ngayon. 'Yung BTS kasi ng mga stories namin and I guess, the rest of the world

Eto 'yung kind of connection that I am looking for. Sedated pero makadaldal wagas. Hindi judging pero people watching level 100000 'pag walang maggawa or bored. May kagat, may angas pero grounded. Super unfiltered and safe space. Plus, siguro, ngayon ko lang 'to narealize from our 2012 era... 'yung hindi ako bibitawan kahit mahirapan sila, as a baliw persona non-grata vibe talaga ako ih.

Sabi nga nung priest na nag-officiate sa ER nuptial: "Ang mga bagay ng pinaghihirapan, hindi mo madaling mabibitawan."

Bisperas na ng 2023 Pasko. Pasiklaban na ba ng feelings ito? LUH. Ready na ba tayo for mature roles, for realzzz through it all? Abangan. LUHHHH. PS: Seeing Sen. Risa kahapon deserved a selfie. LOL. Gusto ko nga sabihin na: Puwede po sample nung mala-Broadway n'yong singing voice pero sa susunod na. It can wait. LOL. Hahahahaha. Ang graceful niya and super kita how her Leon Guinto training molded her. Sana all. Hahahahaha. ;)

[mtnkat3]

5.00pm.

Um... my loves.....

Huh. Well. That's kinda close color. Caramel.. mocha.. Cherokee & Scottish & Irish. Add in some streaks of white, & loss of volume from stress & about there.

But I hate unproductive errands. I "just missed" my hairdresser. At 3.30pm. I thought they usually worked later. Sigh. Whatever.

But for an 80+yo lady to tell me I look like I'm in my 20's before I told her. And her say don't tell anybody! Lmao! That made my year! Cheeky grin. Blushing beet red.

I think it's just one of those familial things. People have been getting my age wrong since I was a teenager. I think happens to other family members too.

Evidently white streaks & no makeup don't matter. Even wearing my turquoise "T" hat! Lmao! Bewildered shrug. But I'll take it!

Anyways. Lunch. No go on hair trim. [I only trim as someone with health issues should only do. Trying to do anything else is a waste of money. I am not pouring money down the drain! Been there with a 2 day "perm" & not ever again!

Got prescription for my cats renal food. Elderly cat is having problems & "special food" now. Sigh. Go thru the trial & err$r of finding what she'll eat. Again. I'm tried of scrubbing up barf.

That's my day. Feeling like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

& yeah I am a carnivore.

Cats, & all predators are. But. We need "stomach contents" too. There are "cat attraction " type of places that don't know that & the animals are severely malnourished. No matter human, or animal, we all need protein & grains.

Sorry but if I had tried to be a vegetarian because of my allergies like a lot of people assume.

I'd be dead.

Soy is bad for human consumption.

It causes males to deal with estrogen issues that they should never have.

And women, don't get me started.

G.M.O. 🚫⛔⚠️☣☢📛❌

Now that I'm about to get out ..

I will have to go thru a difficult detoxification process from "boxed foods," GMOs, factory food, etc.

That includes cows milk.

The only animal milk that's the closest to human & ok is goat. AND.

I saw on Homestead Rescue there's even a breed of goat that produces one gallon a day. More than a cow! I need to research this further.

Ok. Blushing beet red grin.

That's been my crazy day.

I miss you.....my loves.....

Chewing my lips bowing head.

I am always...

Even when confounded & cranky & confused...

Always Blessedly Yours.....

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺✝️☸⚓⛓🔗🙏🤲👣🐾🐯🦉🐢🐛🐐🌱🌟🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🐺🧩♠️♾🧭🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯

Th.4.6.2023 5.30pm.est.

Sorry. "Chicken" gifs was hilarious.

[starglow-xx]

— the ada boys when they find out their little sister is dating someone they know

characters: dazai osamu, edogawa ranpo, kunikida doppo, nakajima atsushi

a/n: i found this buried in the depths of my drafts and it’s kinda like a part two to this !!

i originally had junichiro here too but i got stumped and gave up so maybe i’ll try again for him next time😅

dazai osamu *ೃ༄

// nakajima atsushi (sorry for those who expected chuuya; i wanted to mix it up hehe)

im gonna call it now, if you’re 18 (and single ofc), he would try to set you up with atsushi

*you and atsushi having a friendly conversation bc yk you two are friends*

*dazai creeping up in the background and obnoxiously whispering* shala-la-la-la-la don't be scared! you got the mood prepared! go on and kiss the girl!

you and atsushi: “...”

i feel like it would start off as a joke to piss you off, annoy you, and embarrass the both you

but at some point he might be doing it fr and not as a joke

and if by any chance, you do get together with atsushi then yay!! his precious little sister and his subordinate are dating <33

but it’s different if you were actually secretly dating atsushi the entire time cause then he’ll go off on some tangent about “betrayal and heartbreak”

dazai’s words not mine

but nonetheless, is genuinely happy for the both of you <33

tho does not mean you escape the menace that is your big brother

“ne ne atsushi-kun have you and y/n-chan ever went all the waAWHACKS”

“d-dazai-san?! a-are you okay?!”

“let’s just leave him alone for right now atsushi-kun”

“but y/n-chan you threw a plant at him. a potted plant.”

“i know what i did atsushi”

besides bothering u, he constantly wants all the deets bc he’s nosy like that

“hey y/n-chan–”

“osamu go away”

“but i didn’t say anything yet!”

also blackmails both u and atsushi bc yeah he’s a little shit

you don’t even know how he knows the things he knows bc you’re 98% sure you haven’t told him or gave anything away

“so how was your date at the park? you know, the one you went on yesterday instead of doing those errands kunikida-kun wanted you two to do? i wonder how mad he’ll get~”

“…im calling chuuya-san”

“(y/n) you’re no fun!”

edogawa ranpo *ೃ༄

// edgar allen poe

he’d be such a fucking troll

“poe-kun can you run to the store and get this for me?”

“ah yes of course ranpo-kun!”

“what was that?”

“oh er, of course greatest detective in all of japan and the rest of world!”

anything for that big brother approval yk?

ranpo just wants to mess with him bc he’s bored (and bc he’s a little bitter his younger sister is dating)

poe would come back from the store and ranpo will send him back like 7 times claiming that he didn’t get the right thing or that he forgot to tell him to buy something else

“ah i hope this is the right one this time! i wonder what ranpo-kun needs motor oil and tupperware for anyways...”

ranpo, if he’s not sending poe out for sweets, he always sends him to get stuff he doesn’t need nor want if he’s feeling particularly bored that day and if he’s feeling generous, he’d send poe to run the errands everyone else is supposed to be doing

for example, making him buy the things on yosano’s supply list or going to the grocery store to use the coupons kunikida had been saving

and poe being poe and being in the position he’s in won’t question why he needs it find some more tweezers, sharp knives, alcohol, scalpels or buy 3 dozen eggs and dish washing soap

finding out, you weren’t exactly pleased

you: im speechless!

ranpo: *looks stright into the camera like he’s in the office*

ranpo: despite being “speechless”, (y/n) continued to yell at me for another hour

kunikida doppo *ೃ༄

// dazai osamu

i don’t know how to start this besides holy shit he will flip the fuck out

it’s dazai what else were you expecting?

but jeez lighten up nii-san would you? smh

eventually, he’ll suck it up

it’ll take...quite a while but yes

he’ll suck it up just for you and only you

somewhere deep down inside he’s happy tho bc, he along with everyone else in the agency knows that he secretly cares for dazai

but he has night terrors realizing that if/when you guys get married, they’ll be brothers (in laws, but whatever)

if you accidentally show up with a hickey to work, even if it’s just barely visible, he’s throwing dazai out the window

twice

and then locking him in a closet

dazai also likes to take all your paperwork along with his and hide them in random folders of kunikida’s work so he’ll accidentally do them

istg he’s literally like 5 pieces of paper away from being finished before he realizes he’s in the middle of doing dazai’s 2 week missing report and that he’s done all of your paperwork for today

he starts screaming and you nervously sweat drop from like halfway across the city bc oh boy you can already tell that this isn’t going to go down well

nakajima atsushi *ೃ༄

// akutagawa ryuunosuke

for the sake of keeping you of age, let’s say you’re twins

I CANNOT RN IM BOTH CRYING AND LAUGHING PLEASE SAVE HIM

he cannot for the life of him comprehend how you fell for that...thing

at first you think he’s mad at you which makes you sad, but he’s not; he’s just really really surprised

he never thought that akutagawa would’ve gotten a girlfriend with his “attack and or kill first don’t ask questions ever” kind of thing he’s got going on

ok, sure, akutagawa getting a girlfriend? he’ll get over that shock soon, it’s not rlly his business yk?

but the fact that his girlfriend iS HIS SISTER??

yeah no never in a million years

sometimes he wakes up in the morning thinking that it was a just a nightmare dream till his overhears you on the phone with ryuu and he’s like

“...so that wasn’t a nightmare after all”

anyways

it’s like a complete switch of their relationship

atsushi is more than willing to fight ryuu and on the other hand ryuu is somewhat in control

and just to clarify it’s not bc he doesn’t want to fight atsushi, no he’s always willing to do that bc how dare that jinko look down on me but it’s more like if does it you’ll get upset with him

he doesn’t want to do that

so he fights with every single fiber of his being to resist the urge of smacking atsushi into wall bc no if i do that y/n gets mad and that’s not good

and boy were there close calls

they’re literally 2 seconds from attacking each other but then suddenly they’ll feel a chill in the room from your direction and stop then refuse to make eye contact with anyone

you included (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

you don’t think that they’ll ever get along, but at least for your sake, you’re sure that they’ll at least try to tolerate each other

for now anyways (*°▽°*)

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize, repost, or translate on here or any other sites!

[valberryy]

HIHIHI BACK WITH THE PLAYING WITH HAIR IDEA... can i have heizou and yoimiya this time? hands you a cookie

tyvm for your service to all of society in so many ways

AUGHFHGH NO U???? ur playing with hair reqs r always soooo cute ur brain is so large... thank U for ur service to society!!!!

➻ playing with heizou's and yoimiya's hair

content warnings: none

➻ without a doubt, there are few things HEIZOU enjoys more than feeling your fingers run through his hair. of course, that doesn't mean he'll give you an easy time about it — he'll poke and prod at you just to see the way you'll react, cooing at you for being so cute ("oh, you have a crush on me? how embarrassing!" "heizou, you're my boyfriend.").

➻ but at the end of the day, he really can't deny you for very long, untying his ponytail to let you do whatever you wish with his hair. he just loves feeling the way you play with his hair while he pores over his work — there seems to be nothing stopping him from all but purring the minute he feels you bury your hands in his hair.

➻ he also has a teeny-tiny "superstition," of sorts, that he hopes you'll indulge him in... what is it, exactly? oh, haven't you noticed he seems to make so much more progress on cases if you do his hair for him in the morning, first? it's true, he'll preach to you — he's tried and tested it himself!

➻ similarly... if you happen to also like putting things into his hair, or tying it up differently, you can guarantee that heizou makes sure to wear it for the rest of the day. it's almost impressive how careful he is with your handiwork, no matter how silly it makes him look. and if he's asked about it? he'll flash a knowing little grin and boast, "oh, this? my partner did it for me!"

‎

➻ to YOIMIYA, playing with your hair — and you playing with hers — is just the perfect time to catch you up on all the things you two did during your (supposedly) busy schedules. as much as she'd love to be by your side every hour of the day, she has errands to run, and people to talk to, and fireworks to make... surely you understand, right?

➻ so, during your downtime, she always absolutely adores sitting with you, leaning her head against your shoulder as you play with her hair, and she plays with yours, telling you all about the orders she's filled lately, or a funny story the neighbourhood kids had been spreading around. she'll finish off a little braid in your own hair just as she asks you to tell her what you've been up to, too — but if not, she'll gladly do the talking for the both of you!

➻ you don't even have to have a specific time for your little hair sessions, though; yoimiya will always be able to make time for you! you can twirl a stray lock of her hair while you're waiting in line for lunch, and she'll tuck a simple little hairpin into your own hair while waiting for your orders... even little, fleeting moments like this make her giddy — but maybe that's just the effect you have on her.

➻ yoimiya can't guarantee that any little changes you make in her hair — like a clip, or flowers, or little braids — will... well, survive until the end of the day, and she'd hate to accidentally lose something you'd given her in her rush to get from one place to another. she normally takes them out of her hair once she feels them start to come loose, and the next time you two meet up, she's already grinning at you with your hairpins in one hand and a hairbrush in the other.

[mrs-hollandstan]

Reader beings best frnds with Z and dating timmy secretly. Going to dune premier as Z's guest bt later paprazzi catching r and timmy kissing...

If u dont feel like doing it just ans it lemme know maybe :)

Posting this right after I finish it because I'm in a Timmy hole right now and I love this concept and I want more.

It really sucked not being Tim's plus one. Zendaya knew about the two of you, and of course, she understood the two of you wanting to keep it on the DL. Paparazzi sucked. And she was sympathetic when you explained that you just wanted to hold him in public without the repercussions. So she did the next best thing. She invited you to the Dune premiere and she planned this whole thing of the three of you sitting together, you between the two actors so you could hold Tim's hand in the dark. She'd watched youlen in and kiss Tim's cheek, as is polite, but she watched his eyes sparkle, 

"You guys are actually really adorable. I love you both and I wish we had more content from the two of you on Instagram." She'd remarked cheesily. You giggled, before you were looping your arm through hers and he was following the both of you to your front row seats. 

The red carpet walk had been agonizing and you thought for sure that you couldn't have been any more inconspicuous as when you always watched for Tim in his all black. And now here he was, sat next to you, his hand draped over the armrest, fingers laced in yours, cologne intoxicating. He squeezed your hand whenever he remembered your presence, smiling at you if he caught your eye in the dark. 

Halfway through the film, you'd had to pee, so you excused yourself, ducking where you weren't noticed under the projection. Tim watched you exit, checking every few minutes when you hadn't returned. The urge had been too strong as it was, and with everyone in the theater, he figured he could sneak away, follow you and just hold your body close, kiss your soft lips, nuzzle your sweet-smelling neck for just a fleeting moment. So he stood, and excused himself as well, following the halls to the bathroom. He rapped at the door, peeking his head in after a moment. When he caught your eye in the mirror, your own eyes widened and you turned to him, 

"Timmy!" He chuckled as you spun, brushing him out into the hallway again, "What are you doing? You can't just follow me. People will know." 

"Everyone is watching Zendaya in that film, half of them probably don't even realize I'm in it. Besides… it's gonna be like… another two or three hours until I get to hold you and I can't wait that long for at least a kiss." He murmurs. His hips press into yours as his palms slide up to your cheeks, cradling your face as he leans in and his lips cover yours. He's gentle and he tastes amazing. His lips are soft and plush and you could melt right here. 

But then you hear it… and behind your closed eyes, you can still see bright flashes. Tim quickly pulls away, cursing under his breath as his eyes find the paparazzi at the end of the hall, just outside an exit door, snapping photo after photo of the two of you. Your heart plummets. He brushes you back inside the bathroom, thunking his head back against the door, 

"Shit… darling… I'm so sorry." He tells you, eyes locked in yours. The way he looks at you breaks your heart. If he could have his way, you'd be flaunted at every premiere, party, gathering, set, outing, errand run, he didn't care. He wanted the world to know you were his, the beautiful specimen you are. He'd dreamed of showing you off. But he'd also respected your wishes. He'd always been respectful to you. He sighs, dropping his head forward. Before you can even think about it, you move forward and collect him in your arms, holding his face in your shoulder, 

"Its okay. It's not your fault." You tell him. He stares down at you, sighing softly again, 

"You're just so passionate about your privacy and now, once they find out who you are and all that, I'm scared they won't leave you alone or they'll say mean shit."

"I can handle it." You reassure. He stares down at you, 

"Are you sure?' You nod, 

"Yeah. It's… less than ideal, but you know what, for you, I'll do it." You tell him. He smiles slightly, 

"Yeah?" You nod,

"Yeah. As long as you'll hold my hand." You tell him. His smile widens and he nods,

"Absolutely. I can do it in public now too? You're in trouble. You're gonna see so much PDA." He jokes, wrapping his arms around your body, kissing your cheek. You giggle, pressing your forehead to his shoulder, 

"I love you." He kisses your temple, 

"I love you too baby. Always. And I'll do my best to protect you." He tells you. You nod, staring up at him when he draws back, 

"Thanks." He nods,smiling down at you, cradling your face again. He kisses you softly before he's taking your hand,

"Shall we give them more?" Taking a deep breath, you nod, squeezing his hand, 

"Yeah." He gives one last sympathetic smile before he's dragging you after him, squeezing your hand when you take a deep breath again. The click and flash of cameras again goes off behind you, but once Tim drags your hand into the crook of his elbow, kissing your knuckles, your heart melts and you know that there is no better situation you could be in, with any better person. And you're infinitely more happy having him by your side always.

[rommahh]

Love On Tour…Actually

{Im sorry for how late this was. I went to the show Friday and honestly, it was the best day of my life. I had a little PCD which made me super unmotivated but I’m back. I love you all, R}

You woke up a little grumpy, you won’t lie. You didn’t like waking up alone especially on a show day. It made you uncomfortable to be left to your own devices without any structure or schedule. You understood that Harry was a busy man but it would’ve been nice to receive some text so you could plan your day accordingly.

Sitting on the couch in the lounge of your hotel room, you chowed down on leftover pasta while watching Netflix on your iPad. You had yet to receive a text from Harry even though you had texted him hours ago when you woke up. It was hard to tell if he was ignoring you out of anger or if he was simply just lost in track. Either way you felt dejected.

On the other hand, Harry hadn’t even noticed that he iced you. He was busy running around Nashville trying to get things ready for tonight’s show. He bought you a new dress and shoes, and got the ring fitted. It was hard to figure out your ring size but he end up measuring your finger when you were passed out asleep in bed last night. When you slept, you slept and he knew that would be the perfect time to measure your finger.

Harry was so busy that morning, that by the end of his errands he realized he didn’t even have time to go back to the hotel before rehearsals. He was sporting a small cough and his vocal chords felt overworked but that’s all apart of tour.

Pulling his phone out of his back pocket as he walked into the arena, he dialed your number quickly. He had people trying to talk to him but he paid them no mind.

“Oh? Would you look who’s here?” Harry’s head shot up to the sound of your voice. There you sat on his dressing room couch, arms crossed over one another as you glared at him. Your gaze burned through him and he could just tell he was in trouble.

“Hello lovie.” Harry rasped.

“Harry you sound like shit but here you are up and about running around. You should’ve slept in this morning.” Scolding as you stand up to walk in front of him. Harry could feel the anger radiate off of you but you hid it well. He melted into your hands that cupped his warm cheeks.

“I had a lot of errands to run and I didn’t want to wake you. Also it’s just a sore throat from singing and traveling- comes with being on tour.” He mumbles dropping his head into your neck. You caress the hairs on the back on his neck and massage the tense muscles.

“You’ve got to think about yourself more, Harry. You have a show to put on but you can’t put on your best show if you’re not at your best. I am not happy with you at all.” Even though your words were scolding him, you held him your arms in the most soothing way. That’s what Harry loved about you, you cared for him like no one else could (aside from his mom). You could tell him off with your harshest words but he’d always feel your love from miles away.

“You’re right love, sorry for not keeping in touch today.” You hum in acknowledgement. You both pulled away from each other when his driver walked in with Harry’s abundance of bags. “Thank you, sir.”

“What all did you buy?” You ask walking towards the bags. Harry’s arm shot out in front of you making you stop. You looked up at him in shock. “Fine be secretive.”

You huffed before making your way back to the couch. Harry rolled his eyes at you, making way to his shopping bags. Plucking the bag from Nordstrom he plopped it down on the table in front of you.

“I just didn’t want you snooping at some other stuff. I bought you this, for tonight.” He sat down beside you, thighs touching leaving no room between you two.

“Im not trying to be mean. Just a little peeved that you left this morning without telling me. You also have a cold and I wanna take care of you since you won’t do it.” A hand rubs his forehead luring his eyes shut.

“Sorry baby, I thank you for caring so much.” He whispers sleepily.

“Im always gonna care for my bubs.” Kissing him on the lips, your turn your attention to the bag. The small grey bag had light tissue paper covering the product within the bag. The tissue falls to the floor as you dig into the bag. A silky champagne dress, folded neatly to decrease wrinkles, sits in the bag. The dress was soft and you knew it was loose enough to give you the room to dance. Soft snores escaped the boy beside you- the exhaustion evident on his face.

You pull the dress out of the bag and walk over to where his outfit of the night hung. The dress was hung beside his to be steamed for later. Turning around, you smile at the sight of your curled up boyfriend. Your heart hurt knowing that in a few minutes he would have to go rehearse.

Harry sleepily went through rehearsals sitting in a chair the whole time. He knew his stage cues and performance, he only had one more thing to rehearse but it required for you to not be in the room. He gave one look to Jeff to signal him to get you out. Jeff made up some excuse saying that he needed help with some social media post for the show.

Before the show, there was a catered dinner from some local restaurant. Harry ate a light meal of fresh vegetables and a sweet iced tea which has grown on him having lived in the states for some years. You ate grilled chicken and fries enjoying the free food. The two of you ate alone in his dressing room- wanting a moment of piece before the crazy.

“How are you feeling?” You ask Harry. He shrugs, he was more nervous than anything but you wouldn’t understand why if he had told that to you. He felt floaty. Tonight would be a game changer, a step in a whole new direction. This is something he’s wanted to do for years now but it’s finally happening, and he’s scared.

"Im ok, a little tired but what else is new. I can't wait to sleep all night and cuddle with you." He grabs your hand from across the table. you squeeze it, frowning at his revelation.

"I don't like that you're so tired." You worry, his hand squeezes yours in reassurance.

“Im ok, it’s all apart if the job.” He looks down to your bare ring finger, thumb brushing over the empty spot. Your nails were done in your favorite way, some funky pattern you found from Pinterest all painted on short coffin nails.

“I love you Harry and I’m so proud of you. I know that these years put us both in a bad place mentally but I’m happy of where we are now.” Harry could almost tear up to your words. They settled into his mind, resonating. He was making the perfect decision and you solidified that ideal.

2014

Harry didn’t know how they did it. A show every night, a new state everyday, a new country every few months- he was burnt out. He was tired of shared tour buses and the lack of autonomy. Last nights LA show was amazing, the crowd was amazing, the energy was amazing- so why did he feel so horrid?

He walked around in The Grove, security guards walking in front and behind him. He wanted a peaceful day alone but here they were. Fans watched suspiciously trying to decipher if it was Harry or not. His hat and sunglasses were obviously not the disguise he thought they would be.

As the whispers got louder, his heart started to flurry more. Panic seeped into his veins as he looked for an escape. Bolting in the Barnes and Nobles- security guards close behind- Harry asked for the employees to close shop just for a moment. Harry only needed a moment to get a car near by to escape to. Feeling overwhelmed, Harry hid.

In between the historical fiction and romance aisle is where he sat. Head between his knees, trying to catch his breathe.

“Are you ok?” A voice asked from above him. His head whipped up in shock. Standing there was you, three books clutched between your arms. Adjusting your dress you dropped down to the floor in front of him.

“I-im fine, tired but fine.” He replied. He looked different than he did the night before, you thought. Last night, he was energetic and full of life and now, now you saw a boy whose exhaustion overpowered him.

“You here for any books?” You were just trying to change the subject, something you did with yourself when you had panic attacks.

“Oh no, I don’t-“ he stuttered shaking his head. You smiled at him before pulling a book from your stack. The fault In Our Stars, your new favorite.

“I love this book, one of my favorites. Heard a movie is coming out too so that’s fun.” You joke. Harry’s relaxed slightly, you nestled closer to him. Opening the book, you began reading, your gentle voice calming Harry.

At the start of chapter four, an interruption pulled you both away. Harry’s security guard told Harry that a car was waiting and the perimeter of the store was clear. Harry nodded telling the guard to give him five more minutes.

“I guess this is it.” You mumble closing your book. Harry nods but makes no move to leave. Something clicks in him as he looks at your face again.

“You were at the concert last night, meet and greet?” He muses.

“Yeah, One Direction is my favorite band. My friend bought our vip tickets for my birthday. Best night ever.” You say quietly, scared that he might think that you’re some obsessed fan.

“Oh, well I’m glad you enjoyed the show….so why didn’t you freak out today or- or expose where I was?”

“You’re a human being, just like me. You get nervous, frustrated, and sad just like me. You get panic attacks just like. Who am I to treat you differently?” Your words did so much for Harry. “Now don’t get me wrong, you’re my favorite in the band, but I don’t idolize you nor do I wish to be in your position cause I know it must be hard.”

“It is. Hard, I mean, really really hard. I love my job but I’m tired.” The silence you two shared burned a connection between you two. “This may be weird but could I have your number? I like talking to you and I wanna hear more of this book.”

Placing your hand made bookmark in the book, you closed in and gently placed it on Harry’s lap. “Have it. I have one at home and if you still want to talk about it- I’ll give you my number.”

Harry stills as the book sits in his lap. “I want to talk to you about the book.”

After exchanging numbers, Harry was urged by you to go. Walking side by side to the door, you were separated by his security.

“Harry, don’t let this keep hurting you. Find the joy and grasp on to it.”

You turned out to be his joy. Calls every night after shows and different books being read together, you both gravitated towards each other. Everyday was a new day to grow closer together. He invited you to more concerts, paying for every ticket because he just needed to be with you.

The show was going beautifully. Harry looked amazing in stage in all white and most fans were captivated by your outfit too. It worried you to see Harry so exhausted on stage but you knew he would stick it through like he always does. Proud was an understatement in your eyes. Harry made you more than proud.

You stood in the back of the watermelon pit at the end of the aisle where his stage stopped a few feet away. Jeff stood beside you like he normally did but he was acting suspicious. You two never stood on the side of Harry’s exit but this is where Jeff said you’d get the best view tonight.

Harry sang his final ‘we’ll be alright’ before doing his stage stroll and bows, but instead of finishing in the middle of the stage- he went down stage to the place he normally exits to at the end of the night. You watched in confusion, along with the crowd, as he walked down the steps to you. The crowd erupted in screams as the lights focused on where you were standing.

“What are you doing?” You asked with large eyes of shock. You felt your heart stop in your chest. The crowd getting louder by the moment. Harry walked closer to you, one hand digging into his pocket while his eyes focused on your face. You couldn’t place what was happening but you’re eyes welled with even more tears nonetheless. Jeff was to the side with a huge smile and his phone out to capture the moment.

“Y/N, my love, my light, the best thing that has happened to me,” he didn’t have his mic on so the crowd couldn’t hear him but you could hear him perfectly. As if you two were the only ones in the large arena, you could only see Harry. “From the moment I met you in the bookstore, I knew you were meant to be in my life. Somehow you took me from my darkest place and guided me to my lightest.

I know our lives have been hard but we’ve always found a way to be alright. I want that for the rest of my life. I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life, so will you please, my love, marry me?”

You gave him no time to answer as you yanked him up by his arm. You wept as you exclaimed loud yeses, yeses that could be heard by a few fans who screamed in excitement igniting the rest of the crowd to scream. Harry picked you up in his arms, throwing one arm out to wave at the crowd before bounding backstage.

“Oh my god Harry!” You exclaimed as he set you down. He only had a few minutes to talk so you kept it quick. You pulled his face down to your kissing his lips. This kiss pulled you both deeper into each other.

He pulled away making you whine. “I gotta go back but I promise you’ll get it all tonight. I can’t believe you said yes. I love you so much.”

Harry’s energy multiplied by 100 going back on stage. He even went as far as to explain what watermelon sugar was about. Remembering when the song was made, it made your legs clench together- a pulse overwhelming your lower regions.

Looking down at your hand, you could feel yourself tear up again at the ring he bought you. It fit perfectly in your hand, you remember him measuring your hand that night even though he thought you were asleep. The thought of your future made your heart swell. A future with new music, a wedding, a nice house, and babies made your heart swell. This was something you couldn’t wait for.

Harry found his joy in you but he never knew about the joy he was to your dark life.