#quotations aren't not working

[morelikesin]

This, the proof of my existence,

Let this be the catalyst

of my love

of my dignity

and the evidence of my belief

in my body to serve everything

beyond myself.

"Aldrnari."

-

A lengthy passage of my writing including a transcript of the above images beneath the cut. Translations will be in the replies.

This, the proof of my existence,

Let this be the catalyst

of my love

of my dignity

and the evidence of my belief

in my body to serve everything

beyond myself.

Through the harsh winds against the mountain face, the short bowings of Frea’s tagelharpa - strings played loose and softly - reverberated against the ice of the glaciers and the cold snow cushioning the land beneath their feet: the chill both a reminder of their living against heated skin, and the preservation of everything before them in its still permanence. From the horn, blowing distant into the dark, vibrant beauty of the night sparkling with glittery snow and stars that melted into the aurora within a canvas of black and violet night, was a sense of grounding.

So much had happened, and so much will - but for now, they stood, alive, atop the mountain face. It would, for now, be enough.

A night so still, and yet so alive, to be relished in with grace and weeping humbleness. What is to come after will be the same as it had before: the world will continue to turn, with them in it or not.

Raising a hand to their chest, Blóðhundr’s fingers grasped the jaw hanging from the leather string of their necklace. It felt frozen underneath the mercy of the biting wind. Tentative and slow, they began to drag the jewelry upward - pulling it off of their neck by lifting it above their head; looking down at what was a gift from their beloved, from a time that felt so long ago. They supposed it was.

Their other hand lifted the cover of their journal. Upon the pages that proved their existence in the form of their poem written from the previous night, they, after one more longing look upon the smooth, gently yellowed bone of teeth and mandible, thumbing over the divets of the mandibular and mental foramen, placed the coyote’s jaw onto the pages for weight.

Ný sól rís,

Ný dögun,

Með sóma,

Með kærleik.

“Aldrnari

Eldr bal bruni.”

“Hyr hiti

Logi seyðir.”

Through winds to sky,

The birds to keep cawing,

The wind to keep blowing,

with or without

you and me.

“Aldrnari

Eldr bal bruni.”

Unfettered in my mourning,

Jǫrð be our will

In our deaths and what life we've left to live.

“Hyr hiti

Logi seyðir.”

Heilir, mín nýr byrjun,

Með virðingu

Do I lay you to rest.

"Elddansurin."

“Aldrnari

Eldr bal bruni.”

Sofna upp frá þessu;

Mercy unto you

As you have given to me.

"Elddansurin."

“Hyr hiti

Logi seyðir.”

Að elska,

My greatest weakness,

Cradled by you:

My favorite memory.

"Elddansurin."

“Aldrnari

Eldr bal bruni.”

Leyf mik vilja þínn skilja.

“Elddansurin.”

“Hyr hiti

Logi seyðir.”

My traust into you I give

My body yours to carve

Your blóð mine to bear

And your grave mine to keep.

“Elddansurin.”

“Aldrnari

Eldr bal bruni.”

For now,

We lay in each other's arms

Flesh and bones in Earth's embrace

For what brevity we are allowed to be.

“Hyr hiti

Logi seyðir.”

May death be our home

As life was our respite;

Hann þarf þinn styrk.

Þú þarft hjarta hans frjótt.

[wheucto]

wait . berdly and cabby parallels ?

[book-of-baba-fett]

look i'm not the fic police, at the end of the day you can write your fics however you like. but certain things might be making people not read your fics just because of accessibility. these things are, but aren't limited to:

You only have one giant paragraph, so it's just a wall of text

Similar to the previous point, you don't have paragraph breaks when a new character speaks

you don't include quotation marks

tumblr specific: your fic isn't under a readmore

tumblr specific as well: your fic is all written in the smaller text (example: this way). This is just accessibility, and i've also heard this doesn't work well with text to speech but maybe that has been resolved by now?

you don't post descriptions of your fics. this is something i;ve noticed a few times, because i'll see fics and by glance it's so hard to judge what they're even about and i'm not likely to click a fic without a description because it might not be something i'm interested in.

[apollosdaydreams]

meme

Meme 

Cillian Murphy x Reader

Summary: Your husband Cillian, had just finished a new interview for his new movie Oppenheimer. Once he came home he asked you a question that you never thought you would hear him ask. 

Warnings: Suggestive, no smut though

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You were sitting on the couch in the living room You heard the front door open and close,  looking up you saw it was your husband.

“Hey babe.” You said smiling at him and putting your phone down on the couch. 

He took off his shoes. “Hi honey.” he said, once his shoes were off he sat down next to you on the couch, his arm wrapping around you.

“So, how was the interview?” You asked. 

“It went well…” He said. “Though I do have a question to ask you?” He asked.

You sat up thinking his question was going to be something serious. “Yeah, what's up? Is everything ok?” You asked.

Cillian chuckled a bit at your reaction. “Yes honey everything is fine.” He said leaning down to kiss you. “I, just… it's kinda dumb..” He said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. 

“There's no reason to be nervous, what is it?” you asked again. 

“What's a meme?” he asked suddenly.

You didn't say anything back to him, just before he was going to speak again you started to laugh. “Oh, babe, that's the last thing I expected you to ask me.” you said not being able to contain your laughter. When you looked up you saw that your husband was doing the meme everyone was talking about, his disappointed face. Seeing this you laughed even harder. 

“What's so funny?” he pouted. “I know I look funny, but I don't look that funny babe.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You tried to stop laughing. “Babe you aren't funny looking.” you said, kidding his lips, which seemed to make him happier. “That's just the last thing I expected you to say” You said. 

“Well today in the interview they asked me if I've seen the ‘disappointed Cillian Murphy meme.’” he said in quotations. “But I don't even know what a meme is!” He exclaimed slightly. 

“Ok, just give me a minute.” you said trying to calm yourself down, eventually you were able to stop laughing. “Ok so a meme is usually a picture or a video that then has a caption or phrase, so for example like the disappointed cillian murphy meme.” you began. “Started because in interviews you are always looking disappointed.” you said pulling out your phone to show him the picture. “Do you get it now old man?” you joked.

“Yes I do honey that was actually- hey, that's not nice.” he said, not realizing you called him old at first.

You dramatically put your hand on your chest. “Oh my! How could I ever apologize.” you said laughing. 

Cillian then pushed you down on the couch. “Well I could think of a few things.” He whispered in your ear. 

Blushing hard, “well I'm not complaining.” you said as he picked you up to take you to your shared bedroom.

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Authors note: sorry for the drought, summer went by fast and now im back to college, i hope to try to post more though!! Hope you enjoyed this fic!!

© 2024 on tumblr apollosdaydreams do not translate/remake/repost my works on any platform without authorized permission.

[prokopetz]

I'm only familiar with a few PBTA titles, so I'm curious. What is "correct" usage of the terms hard and soft move, and what are some incorrect definitions you've come across?

(With reference to this post here.)

You're right to put "correct" in quotation marks, because I have to preface this with the observation that taxonomies aren't "correct" or "incorrect"; they're merely useful or not useful. I'm going to be talking about utility here, not correctness per se.

The trouble with the terms "hard move" and "soft move" as employed by many games – by no means exclusively badly designed PBTA hacks, though they're certainly a frequent offender! – is that they want to frame it in terms of severity. A hard move is a really bad consequence, and a soft move is a not-so-bad consequence. This doesn't have a lot of utility because it's too subjective and context-dependent. What is a "bad" consequence? What does that mean? Some games recognize this shortcoming and try to work around it by setting hard boundaries and saying stuff like "well, a hard move does X damage, while a soft move does Y damage", which works great right up until a player character only has Y-1 health levels left and your "soft" move just no-saving-throwed Steve.

A more helpful way to taxonomise GM reactions (and one which you'll tend to see in more carefully structured PBTA titles) is in terms of where the "what do you do?" falls. In this framing, a soft move is one which asks "what do you do?" before imposing any irrevocable mechanical costs or narrative consequences, while a hard move is one which imposes consequences, then asks. Severity need not enter into it; to steal from Mel Brooks, "you cut your finger" could be a hard move and "you fall into an open sewer and die" a soft one, depending on whether the GM hits you with "what do you do?" the moment before your foot comes down expecting to find pavement and meets empty air, or – as it were – the moment after.

Basically, the first one is trying to count imaginary beans. The second one is an implicit instruction to think more carefully about player agency. One of these is generally a lot more useful than the other!

[peachetteprice]

Req for Simon x Reader, Reader never got their feelings validated growing up. Simon and reader fighting over something dumb but Simon eventually understanding how Reader feels and validates Readers feelings and they dont know how to react.

Completely self indulgent, but would be more than thankful. 🤍

Hi, lovely! 🤍 🧡 I can absolutely do that for you, I love self-indulgent asks, even if they aren't mine to indulge in! Thank you so much for your request, I've been waiting for someone to utilise that button. Single quotation marks for speech because I was feeling dead British today...

Here's your order! Enjoy, gorgeous! 🧡

Some Days - Simon "Ghost" Riley

On some days, Simon doesn’t think. On the worst of those days, he reminds you of your father.

That being said, on a particular one of those worst days, there’s a tinny clanging from the dishwasher as he loads plate after plate with a passive aggression that seems to forget its ancestral passiveness to instead bolster firmly on the aggression; he grinds out a lungful of air when bending to input a dishwashing tablet – supposing it isn’t the miraculous day his knees have recovered from crawling out of that ditch in Peru – and again when he lifts the door to close.

They never get done, he mutters, they never bloody get done, and a part of you riles as he whispers to himself, for you know he can choose to be quieter than that, near-silent when he whispers, and is therefore only doing it for the sake of riling you up – and it’s nevertheless working. Simon hears you enter the doorway; he knows the sound of your arms crossing before your chest, the gentle thwip as the fabric of your cardigan smooths over itself, but he doesn’t budge, slamming cupboard doors shut to make himself a mug of tea and nigh-whipping the fridge door into the path of your nose.

Bloody milk never has its cap screwed on tight, he mutters, and this time he’s sure to make it clear to you that he wants you to hear him that time, because he knows you’re there, to call him out so he has the conversational leverage by which he can whine and moan about the other chores that haven’t been done to standard. And you would grit back about the sodding pile of gear he leaves at the front door that, by way of “protecting” his “lovie”, you are denied the actuality of moving, for he posits it to be too hazardous for a little thing like you to have your hands over, lest one of the guns goes off and sends a bullet straight through your abdomen, and he has to attend your funeral knowing it was his bullet from his gun that murdered you, but that’s by-the-by because he’s never had as grave an issue with it when he arrives home barely an hour after landing, having booked it home like a man encumbered with flesh-eating revenants, to swirl you around in the air and beg you to pull it off him so he can focus on undressing you instead, no, he’s never had an issue with your hands on his gear, then, but as soon as it’s off and on the floor in the hallway it’s a coal man’s mineshaft and you aren’t to enter; you truly would grit back all of that, but his retorts cut harshly, and you’d rather not hear them, for it’s one of the worst of one of those days, and you can’t be expected to deal with it.

‘Don’t you ever think of me, Si?’ Slips out of your mouth. It simply does, for there is no reason why it shouldn’t have slipped out. It was at the right time, and it wasn’t much of an outrageous thing to say, considering.

Simon has only just put the teabag in when it slips out, however, and if he lets it stew for too long, he’ll have a bitter cuppa, and he doesn’t want a bitter cuppa, because he doesn’t like bitter cuppas, so he can’t let it stew for long, but the words that slipped out seem important: important enough for him to abandon his cuppa on the worksurface for just a moment and hope it isn’t bitter by the time he returns to it with a clean teaspoon and milk.

‘Think of you every day, don’t I?’ He says. Because he does – think of you every day, that is; it’s true. And Simon only says things that are true, unless he says something that isn’t true, in which case, it’s a lie, and in the same case, he won’t say it unless he needs to. He adjusts the handle of his cuppa so it faces outward: so he can grab it quickly to fish the teabag out, so that his cuppa isn’t bitter when he has the time to get back to it. ‘Why’d ya think I don’t think of you?’ He tacks on.

Thwip. Your arms unfold. ‘You’re antsy about the housework.’

‘I’m not antsy about the housework–’ he reasons, but realises it’s a lie, and knows he shouldn’t lie to his missus, for Simon doesn’t and shouldn’t lie to anyone unless he needs to, and he doesn’t need to, because you’re his missus, and no good man ever needs to lie to his missus– ‘alright, so there’s dirty dishes near the sink, then – that's all it is, dove.’

But that isn’t really all it is, and Simon knows it isn’t all, and he thinks himself a liar again, and he’s a good man, not a liar, so he explains that there might have been dirty dishes near the sink, but that’s quite alright every once in a while, even to his jingoistic standards, and, yes, there’s a trail of grass and muck from your wellies by the front door that’ll settle into the wood if you’re not careful – and he says you should be careful, because nobody wants a trail of mud on their genuine hardwood flooring – and the tumble dryer has been brewing a warm set of clothes that are going to get cold if you’re not attentive – and you should be attentive, he says, because you like a nice set of warm pyjamas and he doesn’t want to hear you complain that they aren’t when it was your job to put them away – and the washing machine has a similar problem to groan about – and he does groan about it, because he’ll have to put them on a fresh cycle if they get musty – and there’s the matter of the umbrellas that haven’t been tapped and dried and lined in the umbrella holder, the bathroom bar of soap hasn’t been replenished, the carpets haven’t been plucked and sucked and dried and vaccuumed, the sealant in the bathroom hasn’t been bleached and spritzed and wiped, and above all that, it truly isn’t alright for the dishes not to be done every once in a while, as they should be done to his militant standards, which isn’t when you like it, because for matters of the house, he’s always right and you’re always wrong, and even though you despise his nagging, you should just bloody deal with it.

In the inevitable and oppressive heat of your silence, he does as he should have done before you said anything and fishes for the teabag, replaces the lost levels with a dash of milk, takes a sip, and, when he realises it has gone bitter: pours it down the sink. He grumbles a bit following the displacement to his routine, reiterates to himself that he isn’t a liar and that non-liars such as himself would still like a cuppa, flicks the kettle back on and refreshes a tea bag into his mug.

‘Would it kill you to be nice for once about this, Simon?’

‘I’m being truthful’, he notes, because there’s no nicer quality in the world than being truthful, as his mother used to say, though Simon can see from the incongruent frown on your face that your mother mightn’t have used to say the same, even though it clears both of his exclusive two stern criteria of being both truthful and reasonable, and he surmises that you might not like things being both truthful and reasonable at the same time, so he picks one and lies about it – for now is the time to need to lie.

‘It’s alright,’ he nods, fishing the teabag out before it gets too bitter, ‘s’ not the end of the world, lovie.’

Though you don’t quite seem to like the non-truthful part of the opposing version of his truthful and reasonable criteria into which all of his statements fall, as there’s an even lengthier shadowed kink in your cheek from the frown on your face, and you’ve since adopted a stance that reminds him of his mother, which he thinks is odd, because he’d only just concluded that you were quite unlike his mother.

‘You remind me of my mother,’ he says, because it is truthful – and just so happens to be reasonable, too – and has absolutely nothing to do with the former crux of the argument, so it shouldn’t be a problem.

‘Really? Then, you remind me of my father.’ You refute, and Simon takes a moment to stare at you, really stare, to see if you’re telling the truth, because if he were you, he would not be telling the truth, because he doesn’t suppose he would remind himself of your father.

‘I don’t.’ He grumbles.

Simon does, you double-down, though in the manner of saying “you bloody do”, because you rather think you’d be the judge of that, having spent the past two decades as his lowly wet-nurse, cleaning his bed-pans and forever having to neglect the memories of him passively-aggressively cleaning up the messes that were only ever yours to clean, slapping your mother when he was upset that he had to clean the messes that were only ever yours to clean, slapping your mother again when you did clean the messes that were only ever yours to clean, before they ever became messes, and despising you all the while through.

‘M’sure I don’t.’ He disagrees; he doesn’t think you should be the judge of that, actually, as he’s just imagined himself in your shoes, looking at himself, attempting to be truthful, and finding that he wouldn’t remind himself of your father.

Rather than go around in circles, as Simon much prefers to do whenever you argue, you stand your ground, stamping your foot into the kitchen tile, then huffing, remarking, ‘You don’t once think that perhaps I’m tired, too, do you? That, maybe, I don’t want to clean up after myself when I spend the entire day looking after that sod of a father?’

‘I don’t think about that’, he remarks back; it’s another one of his truths, and you know it too by then, only there is a solemn comfort in his acknowledgement of the fact, which leads him to his next criterion, for which he says, ‘never thought of that, ever, an’ I don’t think it’s right.’

As, though everything Simon said up until that point was either truthful or reasonable, and on the more frequent occasions, truthful and reasonable, not everything had been solely reasonable, and it takes your reasoning for him to come across that conclusion. And it isn’t an easy conclusion for him to come across, the man too raptured by the shine of his boots, the angle of his tie, and the tilt of the picture frame on the wall. It’s hardly an easy conclusion for you to come across, either, that you’re hurt, anguished by his words, for it’s all too easy to become complacent with things that serve you only pain, especially for those that may hurt more to address.

‘M’sorry’, he acquiesces, with both truth and reason, for there’s no better words he can give that’ll mean the same.

‘Your teabag’s been in too long’, you rebuttal, because his cuppa looks like it’ll be a tad bitter.

| Masterlist |

[joeybrr9]

Part 4 - Poetic Man

Summary: Aurora continues to work on her new album but might have a new distraction

Warnings: None

a/n: So sorry it took so long for this part to come up. Finals week was KILLING me. So excited for Christmas break. Also, what are we all thinking of this break in at Joe's house???

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“One more time.�� Jack Antenoff was helping Aurora put together her 6th studio album. Jack was well known for creating success all across the music industry; the two first started working together for her album “i used to think i could fly.” Jack reached over and put his headset on, signaling to Aurora that he wanted her to sing her song again. “Alright…..let’s do it from the beginning.”

Aurora heard the music begin and took a deep breath.

“You're so dumb and poetic

It's just what I fall for, I like the aesthetic

Every self-help book, you've already read it

Cherry-pick lines like they're words you invented

Gold star for highbrow manipulation

And "love everyone" is your favorite quotation

Try to come off like you're soft and well-spoken

Jack off to lyrics by Leonard Cohen”

Aurora had very obviously written this song about her past relationship with Paul; it was a song that had become very intimate and personal for her. She hesitated even adding it to the album. Aurora worried once he heard the lyrics she would receive a nasty phone call from his display all his distaste for her work. 

"Don't think you understand

Just 'cause you talk like one doesn't make you a man

You're so sad, there's no communication

But baby, you put us in this situation

You're running so fast from the hearts that you're breakin'

Save all your breath for your floor meditation

You're so empathetic, you'd make a great wife

And I promise the mushrooms aren't changing your life

Will you crash the car and abandon the wreckage?

Fuck with my head like it's some kind of fetish”

Nothing Aurora did in her relationship with Paul was right; whether it was making the wrong dinner plans, flying out to see him on the wrong weekend, interrupting his ‘work time,’ or even just being in his presence, she knew he didn’t want her around. Many people would ask why she stayed with him for so long and there was only one answer, he knew how to manipulate her. When they would have a terrible fight, the next day he would buy her 100 red roses. A big gesture. Love bombing some people would say.

“Don't think you understand

Just 'cause you act like one doesn't make you a man

Don't think you understand

Just 'cause you leave like one doesn't make you a man”

“Honestly Aurora, that might have been the last take.” Jack leaned back with a huge grin plastered to his face high-fiving Mark. Aurora on the other hand felt sick to her stomach, singing such an intimate song had her feelings at an all-time low. She exited the recording booth and was greeted with a bunch of smiling faces. “What’s wrong, we release Espreso in five days and the album is almost done.”

“Speaking of that.” Mark cut Jack off and took a step closer to Aurora. “Have you decided who you want in your music video for your second single? We should probably think about filming it soon.”

“Yeah, I haven’t thought about it yet. Let me get back to you.” She let out a nervous giggle because Mark had already reminded her to pick someone, a month ago. “ Well, on that note I should definitely get going. I have two hungry football players at my house right now.” She quickly tried to grab her stuff without any more interrogations.

“Football players, who is at her house?” Aurora heard Jack but she didn’t have the effort to explain why she had two NFL players staying at her home. 

“I think it’s that Joe Burrows dude and his friend. I don’t know and honestly, I don’t care.” That was all Aurora was able to hear before she let the door close behind her. She got in her car and hit the call button on Ja’Marr’s contact. It only took two quick rings for him to pick up. 

“Hello, my girl. What’s up?”

“I’m heading home right now. Did you guys settle in okay? You didn’t fight him over who gets the bigger room right.” Aurora heard a laugh in the background, assuming it came from Joe her cheeks reddened. 

“No Ma'am we did not start a fight in your home. Did miss you though Rory, thought you said it would only take you a little bit. It’s been five hours. I’m also starving. You don’t keep much food around here, like-”

“Okay Marr I get it, you're a starved man and it’s my fault. I’m only fifteen minutes away so how about we order when I get there, or can you not wait until I get there?”

“I guess, but you better buy some snacks for me. I’m not sure how you survive on wine and ramen noodles.” She let out a little laugh before sighing.

“Snack and dinner. I got it. I’ll be there soon. Love you, Marr.”

“Love you too Rory.” She hung up the phone, taking the exit to her house. Aurora sat in silence in her car, loud silence. For a few moments she thought about calling Ja’Marr back to fill the silent void for the last few minutes of her drive but instead, she pushed the on button to her radio. A random Dua Lipa song filled the car, only making Aurora forget about her thoughts for a couple of minutes. 

Eventually, Aurora pulled into her driveway, seeing her living room lights were on and she could see Joe and Ja’Marr sitting on her couch. A black truck was parked in her driveway, which must have been what the boys rented for the days they were staying in California. She quickly parked her car in the garage and gathered all the stuff to bring inside when she was met with Ja’Marr at the door. 

“Here, let me grab that.” He instantly took everything out of Aurora’s hands. When she was around Ja’Marr he treated her like a queen. “Soooo, I was thinking.”

“Well, that’s never good.” Aurora heard Joe say from the couch. She let out a little laugh.

“Yes Marr, what can I get you to eat tonight? I know I kept you waiting until,” Aurora took a quick glance at the time displayed on her stove, “5:30. Oh my gosh Ja’Marr it’s 5:30. I expected it to be around 7.”

“When I’m hungry, I’m hungry. Sorry girl.” Ja’Marr put his arm around Aurora as the two walked over to the couch. Joe was sitting comfortably watching Spongebob on the TV. 

“Okay boys, what do we want? Pizza, Chinese, Italian, In-N-Out, or Mexican? All of that sounds really good to me so you can choose. Aurora exchanged glances between Joe and Ja’Marr until Joe finally spoke up.

“Pizza sounds good to me.”

“What kind are we getting?” Ja’Marr wasn’t too concerned with the food. He was too busy watching the content displayed on the TV.

“What about pepperoni and sausage?” Joe and Aurora said at the same time. She felt a blush grace her cheeks as she smiled at him. 

“Yeah I’ll order it now-”

“No, I got it. You don’t need to be paying for our food when you’re already letting us stay here for free. I got it.” Joe left to go call in a pizza, leaving just Ja’Marr and Aurora. 

Aurora could see Ja’Marr looking at her out of the corner of her eye. “Instead of staring at me Marr, why don’t you just say whatever you want to?” He chuckled awkwardly, rubbing his jaw.

“Me and Burrow were talking today. About you. A little bit. Not the whole time. Don’t let it get to your big head.” He gave a gentle push to Aurora’s shoulder making her giggle. “He mentioned that Tee sent him your interview. He seemed to think it was funny, in a cute way. Don’t be embarrassed Rory, he thinks you're cool.” She looked over to her left where Joe was standing in the doorway of her library on the phone. He hadn’t said much, or anything at all, to her since she got home.

“That interview got kinda out of hand. I’m embarrassed he even saw that.”

“You don’t listen. He thinks you’re a cool girl.” Ja’Marr wrapped his arm around Aurora pulling her into him. She was a little curious if Joe was still dating his long-term girlfriend from college. It had been reported a couple times that they had split but Aurora wanted to know from an inside source.

“Um, would he happen to still be dating that one girl from college? Not that I care or anything. I just see a lot of stuff on TikTok. You know.” Real Smooth Aurora. Ja’Marr looked down at the blonde girl with a cheesy grin.

“They did in fact break up. It was all on good terms. Joe is a very focused guy when it comes to football. Not sure that’s what she wanted. Sometimes he needed his space and they couldn’t agree on it. No bad blood as far as I’m concerned.” Aurora nodded her head. “So yes, he is single, Rory.” Ja’Marr poked her sides making her squirm and move away from him. 

“I got three pizzas and an order of breadsticks. Also, Aurora, I noticed you have a lot of wine in your cabinets so I ordered some wine too. Hope you don’t mind.” Joe took his original spot next to Aurora on the couch.

“I could never mind someone buying me wine; that was very thoughtful of you.” She flashed the quarterback a quick smile. 

“Pizza should be here in about 35 minutes.” Joe looked between Aurora and Ja’Marr.

“Did you guys want to put on a movie until then? The group decided to watch The Hangover until the pizza arrived. One of Ja’Marr’s favorite movies.

“Bro, did you see that tiger?” Ja’Marr was clutching his stomach from laughter. Aurora had stood up to get the pizza that just arrived.

“Yes, Marr. We all saw it. I’m pretty sure you’ve seen it about a thousand times too.” Aurora disappeared for about two minutes coming back with all the food. “Alright boys, I’ll let you get yours first.” She set out plates for everyone and a glass for her wine. 

“Here,” Joe reached over to open the bottle of wine he ordered and opened it. “Let me get this for you.” He poured her a glass and got her a couple slices of pizza.

“Um, thanks.” Aurora grabbed the gestures from Joe and made her way back to the couch to finish their movie with dinner. As she was walking back to the couch she overhead Ja’Marr and Joe.

“Try hard?” Ja’Marr scoffed as he grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

“Dude, she’s just a nice girl. I’m not gonna be rude to someone who’s letting me stay in their house for free. I’ve never met her before either. Good first impressions.”

“You sure it’s nothing else loverboy?” 

“Yes, I’m 100% percent sure. I’m focused on football, not girls.” Joe laughed. Even though there wasn’t anything going on between Joe and Aurora, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She hadn’t been able to move on since Paul and a very small part of her thought Joe would possibly be that person for her. It was a stupid thought anyway. 

Joe and Ja’Marr joined Aurora on the couch to enjoy their pizza dinner and movie. Ja’Marr was able to eat 10 slices of pizza while Joe only had 6. Aurora stuck to her original 2 slices with a bread stick. 

“Sorry to cut the night short but I’m gonna head to bed. Sleep good Rory. Night man.” Ja’Marr ruffled Aurora’s hair and dabbed up Joe. The two were left alone on the couch with the ending credits of The Hangover displayed on her TV. 

After a long couple minutes of awkward silence, Joe cleared his throat. “So Ja’Marr tells me you are working on your sixth album. That’s a pretty big deal.” Aurora took a big drink of her wine finishing off the glass.

“Uh yeah, I am. It should be out sometime this summer. I’m really excited to release another album.”

“He told me you won Album of the Year at The Grammy’s last year. That’s huge. Congrats, I know it’s a little late.” Joe chuckled. 

She swished around whatever was left of her wine. “Yeah, you know, you do something incredible like that and you feel like you need to live up to those expectations again. I just don’t want to let anyone down. I have an amazing producer and if I don’t win another Grammy with this next album I know I won’t only be letting myself down, it will also be hurting him.”

Aurora looked over at Joe and by the look on his Face she knew he wasn’t sure what to say to her singer/songwriter trauma. “Can I get you another glass of wine?” Aurora debated before she answered his question. Did he want to down here talking to her? This would be her third glass of wine.

“Yeah, sure.” Joe hopped up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen. Aurora couldn’t help but observe him in person. He was a good-looking guy; even better in person. 

“Here you go. Tell me more about yourself. How did you get your start in music?” Joe got himself comfortable on the couch; showing Aurora he had no plans of heading to bed anytime soon.

“My first album was “Singular Act I,” so that was obviously my big start. My huge single off of that album was Sue Me. Have you ever heard it?”

“Uhhhh, I don’t think so. Don’t hate me.” Joe laughed, making Aurora crack a smile.

“No hurt feelings. One day I just started posting videos of myself singing on Youtube and it started blowing up. Eventually, a record label contacted me and they wanted to produce a single. Fun fact, it wasn’t Sue Me.”

“Do I get to hear this legendary single?” Joe smirked at Aurora.

“Absolutely not. I like to brush that song under the rug. I never-”

“You know if you don’t play it for me right now I’ll just look it up later. Matter of fact, let’s look it up right now.” Joe pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing something into Google. Aurora jumped up from her spot on the couch to move closer to Joe.

“Joe stop, I hate that song. I’m not kidding. Listen to it later, not right now.” Aurora reached for Joe’s phone the second she heard the beginning verse to Thumbs playing out of the speakers. “JOE, stop it right now.” Aurora couldn’t contain her laughter at this point. She was leaning over him, grasping for the phone.

“And the bank robbed the people, so the people robbed the bank.” Joe sang along, laughing in Aurora’s face. She took one more reach for his phone, failing, before falling back beside him. After the song ended Joe tuned toward the blonde girl.

“Honestly, I was expecting worse. Not sure what skidledeee deee dat dum means but I can roll with it. Definitely added to my warm-up playlist.” Joe gave Aurora a cheesy smile before bursting out laughing.

“I fucking hate you.” 

Aurora and Joe sat on the couch and talked until 2 am while Aurora drank, not one, but two, bottles of wine. She definitely would feel that in the morning. Joe knew that as the night whet on Aurora had become wine drunk and nothing she said he could take too seriously. She did tell him he had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, and that the curl in his hair was his best feature. Around two thirty Aurora passed out on Joe's lap while watching How To Train Your Dragon.

Joe carried Aurora up to her room while also trying to figure out which one was hers. When they finally made it there and he had tucked her into bed; it was time for his escape. He felt her hand grasp his wrist. 

“Can you please stay? Please Joe, just this once.” Aurora hardly opened her eyes but that was all the convincing Joe needed to stay.

[tina-mairin-goldstein]

Basic Ao3 User and Etiquette Guide for Beginners, Readers and Authors Alike!

When editing and posting:

First and foremost:

Read the Terms of Service to make sure you aren't breaking any rules!

Make sure to tag everything you think is necessary.

Fluff, Romance, Humor, Dark, Found Family, etc. Also make sure to include warnings about potentially triggering things like rape, non-con, abuse in any form, violence, gore, graphic depictions of such, and so on. The 'Other Additional Tags to Be Added' tag is your friend.

Use your best judgement for rating and archive warnings.

Do not tag for reach or leave something out or use things like r@pe and deth. People have the right and need to filter out their triggers!

Be aware of the difference between / and &.

For relationships, there are two different types. Be sure not to mislabel the relationship between characters and accidentally change the entire tone of your fic!

Platonic/Friendship/Family/Non-sexual: Tony Stark & Stephen Strange.

Sexual Relationship/Dating/Married/Non-con/Rape: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange.

I prefer not to read incest fics (I do sometimes, I will admit it), so I will usually skip or filter out the / between two characters if I don't want to read it. If this was a mistake, your fic will be filtered out, too!

Summary

Not required but appreciated!

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As of a few months ago, Ao3 automatically set every new work to 'Only Registered Users Can Comment'. If you would appreciate guest comments, then remember to click 'Registered Users and Guests Can Comment'. If you would rather not have any at all, click 'No One Can Comment'.

Preview

It allows you to preview what the work will look like before you post it. If you hit return to work, then you'll see a bunch of code for paragraph breaks, italics, and so forth at the end of each chunk. I recommend clicking the back arrow to avoid this because it can be hard to correct things once those things are there.

Also, every time you preview, a draft is created. These are saved automatically for a month after they are created, so if you don't have time to finish editing, you can go back and finish later.

DO NOT post a fic just because you like the tag arrangement and will come back to it later. This is against the Terms of Service.

Ways to get the look you want

If you have something in italic, bold, centered, or crossed out, it doesn't automatically go that way once you click and drag. There are ways to get it done, and they're easy! Just type the following (the colored words are the words that go between these). Remember to add the / at the end or it will affect the whole fic! These aren't everything, just the ones I know.

<i>Italic words here</i>

<strong>Bold words here</strong>

<center alignment>Centered words here</center alignment>

<strike through>Crossed out words here</strike through>

Type correctly

Please remember to use your quotation marks and periods! Nothing makes me click off a fic faster if these things aren't present; it's hard for me, at least, to read.

The Archive is an archive

Don't post 'fics' looking for fics, advertising for writing buddies or fellow artists, don't post headcanons for discussion. This is against the Terms of Service and you could get reported.

I haven't reported anyone yet, but I do leave them comments to let them know it's against the ToS. If you don't take it down in a timely manner or say fuck you, I WILL report you because you can't ruin it for everyone.

Etiquette For Posting and Reading

What to do

Liked a fic?

Leave a comment! LEAVE A COMMENT! Authors love this! It doesn't matter how old it is- This isn't social media! It's not 'cringe' to comment on old works. You might just get a heartfelt reply and even encourage someone to write again!

The best are the in-depth, going into details about what you loved and what surprised you and everything else. It can be a simple 'I loved it! Thanks for sharing!', but you will be someone's personal hero with a big comment.

You did like that fic, right?

Leave a kudos! Comments and kudos are an author's lifeblood and fuel. Nothing is more discouraging than getting a lot of hits on your fic and no comments or kudos.

For posting, just follow the guide above and you should be fine!

What NOT to do

Oh, you didn't like that fic?

If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all. There's a person behind that story who put their blood, sweat, and tears into it. They having feelings, too.

But I think the fic is gross/wrong/badly written and-

Shut up. Click off. Hands off the keyboard.

But it's-

No.

Don't renew your completed fic just to get on the front page again

Not against the rules, but the archive is an archive. Someone will find your story if they really want to read it, so long as you tagged it correctly! Just be patient.

Don't like, don't read is your best friend

Think a story might contain something you don't like? No need to click on it! Take a turn you didn't like? Back arrow, baby!

It's not a popularity contest

Again, not against the rules, but sorting fics by the amount of hits, kudos, or comments gives you very few results compared to all the fics that exist. Fics only get those rates because people read them. One user or guest can only boost the hit-count of a fic ONCE in twenty-four hours. A kudos can only be left once.

You might be missing some real gems by filtering that way! There is literal buried treasure on Ao3, you just need to expand your horizons and ignore those counts on the bottom.

But this fic is so OLD

So? We read books and watch movies that were made a long time ago, right? Fics are the same thing! Read that old fic! Comment on it! Kudos away!

Hope you find this helpful! Enjoy your posting and reading!

[abyss-seer]

Pick A Card Reading

How to find that depth in your relationships to keep its spark going? What is it that you aren't seeing/doing when it comes to navigating your love life?

Disclaimer: All content in this reading, including interpretations and messages, belongs to me and should not be copied, reproduced, or distributed without permission. The images used are sourced from Pinterest and do not belong to me. They are for illustrative purposes only.

A love read for people in relationships. Singles can also watch it. Minors do not interact. These reads can be used as an insight provider for your current or past relationships and can be used for self improvement or relationship improvement journaling.

I personally don't believe in picking up other's energies except the person interacting with my energy. So this would be an insight guide on your relationships through your energy. For singles out here, this read can be for you, just take the shoe if it fits and can be used as an insight guide as well, you may or may not get the messages of your liking here. Channelled messages are in double quotation text.

So trigger warning ⚠️ these reads are long can be triggering, are pretty deep and require presence of mind. Sorry ADHD people, but trust me on this. This is an intuitive psychic work. Please only take the storyline of what resonates. If its not for you, its not meant to be. A lot of violence, SA and intense themes of suicide came up,please take breaks while reading it, this read was one long and intense ride. I cried many times, its pretty intense and looong. Its too much honestly speaking Iam a Scorpio and this is a deep emotionally intense ride, so take your time, if you feel you have understood the message and jist of the reading mid way reading it, please leave. There's no compulsion,this read is for the purposes of journalling only. And yeah, I am sorry for not including pictures of diverse couples. please forgive me, just got those 6 pictures as my pinterest recommends.

So today I asked my cards for a PAC topic so this is what came through

These are some channeled song. At first I thought I had to help you guys express your feelings to your partners and get out of your comfort zone but then came a message from the people in relationships who are circling back in a loveless relationship just for the comfort of it, have love for each other, the $ex could have been kept at side (even though its good) and are struggling to keep the spark going despite loving each other the most and feeling as if the relationship is at its brink despite having an open communication and conversation. So what is it that will keep "us" going? Idk what it is, but let's find out, and see what comes out. If you have been feeling this way, this might be the reading for you. This can be applied to similar context with "friends just for now" (situationships) or people who haven't found their significant other where you guys could be having trouble moving past the comfort zone to express those real and genuine feelings. In the end take what resonates and leave the rest.

Every pile is divided into 6 categories

1. Confirmations

2. How deep is your relationship with them? (Singles this could be your past or future person, idk take it how it resonates)

3. How can you look for depth in your relationships?

4. What is it that you aren't seeing or doing about your relationships?

5. How is this lack of depth in your energy affecting your relationships?

6. What else can you do to navigate your/through your love life smoothly? (Cause love life sometimes needs navigating through some external obstacles 🤷🏻‍♀️)

So here are the piles

The link to pile 6 is here

Pile 1

1. Confirmations:

Someone here could be indian or from Spain or knows the language Hindi, and Spanish, 6, june, july, someone could have recently taken or shared their MBTI Test, Letters MBBP, the it boy song BBNO$, number 7, Isabel LaRosa's song I'm yours 🎵 you are so pretty it hurts🎵, Lion, ♌ Leo, july Leo

2. How deep is your relationship with each other?

Right off the bat, Im feeling thirsty 🥵 trust me I'm hearing DPR IAN -Dont go insane, the heavy breathing part with chains ⛓️ or belts. Ok. "Kaamna" you both could have wished for this relationship. Kaamna,Seema or Odette (the swan princess coming through) could be someone's name as well. I am also getting nutcracker music. Some of you here could be a ballerinas. Idk why all this gives me christmas vibes. Maybe some of you aren't over Christmas yet and haven't removed the decorations as well 😆.

Basically this doesn't seems like the traditional relationship but it definitely could be one of those relationships that is still at the early stages of commitment but could have been rushed without proper communication.

3. How can you look for depth in your relationships ?

High Priestess here said "You need to look for info within oneself " you both should see your old pictures, "I'm getting one man boat or boating pictures" and maybe revisit the site of that old business venture that you both wanted to do together but couldn't get time for it. It reminds me of a youtube animation movie with the same plot of growing apart from each other due to differences in goals, in the movie, the husband and wife came together and wanted to open a bakery together. So the husband and wife started earning money through various sources and had to leave their hobbies of baking behind to focus on work/ for someone this could be about focusing on shares rather than what you are passionate about doing. Anyway all this hustle culture could have promoted both of you quickly and may have rewarded you with lots of money only to forget about what both of you were actually passionate about despite getting a small pay for pursuing those hobbies. This is specific but someone could have started an Only Fans, to earn a lot of money only to invite their friends over to gain cash in terms of price for their services. It seems like you both could have forgotten the real reason both of you yearned for this money. "Its over a month already" "when will we get new clients" I guess this is the energy that is coming through. But yeah what you need to look for is your search for your inner calling.

4. What is it that you aren't doing/seeing about your relationship?

I'm getting the word "Seema" . Seems like you are pretty bad at setting proper boundaries in the guise of thinking "its hot" even when its uncomfortable for you. Do you, Iam not judging, just know that it isn't hot when it's uncomfortable to do so. You seem to have a hard time leaving what doesn't serves you anymore.

And the other thing you are doing is not connecting with people who can give you meaningful connections. There's a lack of wholesomeness in your connections cause there are beautiful connections that you are gifted with which aren't getting their deserving time and attention from you, because you could be so tired and exhausted of overbearing new relationships in this relationship that you are almost handling your meaningful connections in a wild manner.

5. How is this lack of depth in your energy affecting your relationships?

Its this unconscious, unsaid yet unfamiliar promise that you have unknowingly kept with others. Its the vows that you could be breaking. Someone's name could be "Colby,Coby,Cody". I don't necessarily think it's the vows that you have kept. It's that when we agree to live a normal life in society, we bind ourselves to follow a social moral code of conduct. And that includes not being a participant in breaking the vows or promises we have knowingly or unknowingly made with other people for eg the promise of not leaving others behind in misery after they have helped you through your tough times. Please don't try to hurt other people knowingly or unknowingly without their consent as there's a huge karmic energy piling up through these un-consented individuals as they didn't subscribe to getting hurt, especially if you are someone in their plain sight

I'm also getting that someone (very sincere) here could have been left out in the drought and harsh period of their lives, while the person who promised to be with them kept them in the dark. Idk if this person has kept you in dark on purpose or not, and I can see how this vow must have bound you indefinitely and breaking it could have been the only way for you to express your deep pain, frustration, desire and anguish, but please don't hurt yourself in the process of hurting the other and getting revenge as its not necessary, your downfall could affect this person sometimes people can go from people you know to people you don't, and they can act indifferently to your misconduct. So don't go on ruining your life if that's the case.

Iam getting Kim Namjoon's lost, "you are a ghost" like there's heavy energy of getting ghosted, isolated and now ghosting other people in return and not wanting any sorts of physical contact with anyone. Wandering around with other people yet dissociating in your own body, cause you don't want to face the feeling, so you traumatize your body by engaging in $3xual behaviour you don't yourself like, so you can disengage yourself due the anger and hatred. Iam really sorry if you are going through this, but punishing/overstimulating your own body to forget this feeling isn't always the answer. Its your body at the end of the day, and our vessel has a limit to its stimulation. Please don't over exert yourself for these heart ripping feelings. This is so sad pile 1, I'm so sad you had to go through so much emotional turmoil and pain. I'm sorry if these messages triggered you and ruffled some feathers. I will put a trigger warning above this pile. You are a brave soul for facing those neglected feelings. Be proud of yourself for that.

6. What else can you do to navigate through your love life smoothly?

First of all, here's Yamas :-

1. Ahimsa (Non-violence)

Avoid harm in thoughts, words, and actions to yourself, others, and nature. Practice kindness and compassion.

2. Satya (Truthfulness)

Be honest and truthful without causing harm. Align your words and actions with your inner truth.

3. Asteya (Non-stealing)

Do not take what does not belong to you, including material goods, time, or energy. Cultivate gratitude and generosity.

4. Brahmacharya (Moderation)

Practice self-control and balance your desires, especially regarding sensual pleasures. Focus on higher spiritual goals. Bring yourself to balance and focus on building a balanced mind for yourself

5. Aparigraha (Non-possessiveness)

Let go of greed and material attachments. Embrace simplicity and contentment with what you have.

Now that we are here. Dear Pile 1, stop remaining stuck in your fear of losing someone by making them remember you as someone they would regret leaving behind by describing highly of your life, yet being so hard on yourself (beating yourself up) for your own past regrets, and not being happy with your present, respecting the life lessons and wisdom you could have earned from those mistakes, no matter what job you had to do in your miserable times, you still have the chance to be someone who can change the world in one way or other. I just realised that there's so much pent up energy and frustration within you that some of you have burned yourself out in your own anger and anguish that some of you don't even realise how this constant effort to keep the spark alive is slowly killing you, venomous for you and is visually distorting you from your higher purpose in life. Do you believe that you have a higher calling in life? Stop trying so hard, and changing yourself.

Stop over analysing your success and your beautiful relationships based on your past experiences. They don't define you, the lessons you learnt from and actions you take based on them in your present makes you who you are today. Teach your learning to the world, share your happiness and do the things you want to live for. "I don't like, I don't care" it could be something you may say you don't like or care about due to low self esteem. Create an identity for yourself that doesn't revolve around relationships or love in general.

Clean and Tidy up yourself "your name" and meetup with new people, take that risk and make that talk, if you looking for reconciliation or are in a relationship, but aren't confident of making the first move, take that risk and do it. At first, saying your heart out might feel a bit heavy, restless, and even exhausting for you but work hard at being this compassionate lover, and expressing your inner vulnerability and emotions as some of you could struggle with opening up your heart, only if trust your partner or companion or the dating scene, it will change with a some patience and love for yourself. Don't be afraid of rejection, stand at your personal resolve of improving your love life and try opening up your heart space for others to let in. Don't bother with the people of low quality who play with you (if you are single and in dating scene). Avoid infections/ "plague" if you are in some open relationships(that was for somebody specific, im getting inflammatory disease). Also avoid spending low quality time with each other or remove distractions when spending time with each other.

"Do not leave behind the toilet roll, avoid leaving behind the toilet roll" idk what I just channeled

Hope I helped you Pile 1. Have a great day 💝😊

Pile 2

1. Confirmations

Fortnite -Taylor Swift,

🎵 and for a fortnite there, we were forever. 🎵Run into you sometimes,ask about the weather 🎵now you're in my backyard🎵, confusing between spirituality and materialism, water sign, sprinkles, water sprinklers, rain, aftermath of rain, growing of plants, swati nakshatra, earth sign, meditative energy, Dark complextion, "Grace", ate Tandoori, being on good graces, "correct your posture, straighten it", earthy or fresh forest or grassy or light floral mists or scents, African, caravan, trailer van, nomads, 3, march,4,April, Muladhara Chakra/root chakra, Father figure, someone is feeling a lack of father figure or fears facing things head on because their father figure failed to do so, Daytime, War, Letter : V,R,M,A,V,O,R

2. How deep is your relationship with each other?

5 of wands - needless to say very competitive, and friends just for now

The depth of this relationship stays in terms of friendship as rivals, this relationship could be at a phase where both of you are just starting out and are getting to know each other, but the intensity of this romantic dynamic could have intensified with rivalry and healthy competitiveness which seems pretty good to be honest. Your energy reminds me of a mountain or mountain goat, a very persevering energy with a fixed mindset towards your own goals and deeds. "Reaches for the stars" That's what I have been meaning to say, you are someone ambitious and goal oriented and someone with traditional values and sometimes you might end up finding yourself pursuing your family's dream. Some of you could be hier to some sort ancestral legacy or business line. There's something here about "wanting to be just like them" in the times of celebration. Its as if wanting to hold hands during any wins or celebrations but ending up putting a lot of things at stake, I am getting Sleeping Beauty where if she touches the needle the entire kingdom goes to sleep due to Maleficent 's curse. Its something around that, its as if you both said your feelings out loud, some sort of false idea would vanish and you both will have to prepare to rebel against something. Im getting "La la la" from Naughty boy ft Sam Smith. It's as if you both are ready to cover your ears like a kid and go la la la.

3. How can you find depth in your relationship?

Five of Swords in reverse and three of cups - Sounds more like, you both need to stop trying to one up each other to the point of ending each other. I see silly fights between you two that end up being hurtful to each other's inner child. Its as if you both call out each other's egoistic selves and then get angry and cry over being called that 😭😭😭, stop fighting you two, I think there are times when your friendly fights might end up not only exposing each other but end up bruising each other's ego. (Tarot reader :- What is this? What are you two doing, Why are you two fighting each other like dogs? Stop getting on each other's neck and cutting off the oxygen supply, what are you two doing, French revolution?🤦🏻‍♀️)

But both of you love each other like its your time!

Ok you two, what?!!! You both need to stop fighting ugly bro/sis. There's some African spirit guide saying this. Like you know this, I don't even have to tell you, (the guide is like I don't have to tell you, mathafakarz, just stop it already). Oh my God the Drama between you too. Accept yourself for who you are and accept each other. Learn to be vulnerable enough to speak your wounds or past hurts or trauma to each other. Good friends understand each other. Oh God and stop acting like rivals only to end up hurting each other. Oh God why am I getting that you both care for each other after hurting sending each other videos of that Gwenchana deng deng deng deng . 🤣🤣🤣 What?! Okay Circus Jokers! You know what I am talking about. Just don't hurt each other and remain open to listening to the other side. Anyways one of you could have poked the other's hand with sea urchin or hedgehog spikes, idk why I channeled that, but I feel like that's what has isolated one from the other or something painful like that.

4. What is it you aren't seeing/doing about your relationship?

Okay gurl/gal idk what can be more obvious than the title of the song itself. Aaaaaaaaaah!!! You both are closer than all this fighting, if something happens to you they will be there. Like I'm already hearing piano and guitar strings

Like the song is about a hope to see the person again and then yet wanting to forget. Idk maybe they are giving you hints, but you aren't reciprocating or responding despite THROWING THE OBVIOUS SIGNS, anyways this feels like a bestie that can never let you go but feels the obvious signs. Idk why now getting that maybe its you who has always been sending signals, maybe even sent them an UFO with Aliens to tell them that but they never respond. One of you isn't reciprocating or atleast responding to the obvious signs. When in spite you both might throw each other deep shade and other isn't responding. Okay what's with this love-hate relationship, now I am confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ you two like to role play Kendrick Lamar and Drake????

I guess they like you but you end up hurting them so much, you could be in such a hurry to get the results of perfecting your craft that you could have ended up treating them so unfairly that they felt hurt, their heart feels rushed and dragged, its as if even though they have good comebacks for your insults. It seems like you need to learn to take accountability when you are wrong instead of acting like you are right. Oh my God 😭 this person could be a musician. I understand this reading must sound so one sided, but its an introspective read, focused on you not them

5. How is the lack of depth in your energy affecting your relationships?

These are some lyrics I channeled from Shinee Don't Call Me :

🎵You won’t be able to handle it, you’re just obsessed

Because nobody was good as I was, ya🎵

I am getting this lack of serious energy, and also this song 🎵rap việt không sao cả🎵 gosh girl why is this so annoying! Honestly I am getting someone who hides their disappointment in their love life, and through music (piano specifically) its as if they forget all their responsibilities and are burried within their own thoughts and feelings of hatred against each other hence they try to cope it with humour. This could be the case for both of you. You both are using humour to deflect responsibilities and accountability of hurting each other, i heard "almost ruining each other's life" to a point and extent where there's no return. Your comedy, is your deflection to not look at the world and accept the uniqueness of the creatures sent here by the Divine himself and live in harmony with them. I think you are a very light hearted joyous and nice person which is a good thing but this habit of yours is causing lack of depth in your relationships to an extent where people either don't see you as a marriage material or player or they might find you lack accountability in relationships making you unreliable and untrustworthy. Iam channeling Closer by Jungkook (Golden Album). " You grew morose and deeply pained by those sorrows your heart held in it deep mournful silence."

Idk what else could describe suppression of emotions better than this. There's so much trickery, malice and manipulation in this energy yet so much energy of a person who could have accepted every sort of pain thrown their way with grace, someone's mom in this pile could have "inhaled chains of smoke to keep you alive" "Iam getting the name "Parvati" and a mother figure, definitely feeling a broken person who could have been forced to accept any challenge thrown their way , and got traumatized to cross that invisible line created by their perpetrator

Iam seeing your lack of empathizing with yourself "for letting all the bad things happen to you ". even though I can assure you that none of this could have been your fault to begin with, causing you to deflect it with humour and hence not forming meaningful connections with the people , you often don't allow people into your heart space and say its alright. Hence you never ask for help and suffer alone, and then unconsciously do the same with other people,you let them suffer alone when they need you the most or worst hurt them where they feel like you are tricking them into sacrificing something/or a part of themselves unwillingly. Its the lack of depth or apparent lack of maturity or unwillingness to works with other's emotions with empathy cause you don't empathize with yourself that could make you seem lacking depth in relationships.

I'm also getting that this can be due to a lack of father figure or a disappointing father figure who couldn't show you how to fight wolves, hence you too learnt to give up cause you saw your pillar not fight for you and started depreciating every effort you made in life with humour, this father figure may have mocked your efforts or tricked you into sacrificing yourself in childhood due to which you don't take responsibility for mistakes you made in life and sometimes might end up sacrificing more than what is usually required of you to make up for those mistakes. Hence sometimes boosting your own ego or people perceiving you as someone egoistic. I'm sorry if you went through that. And stop saying its alright, its not alright, you never deserved to be treated like a toy, please treat yourself with empathy next time than saying its alright for everything and not expressing your obvious discomfort for things in life.

6. What else can you do to navigate through your love life smoothly?

First of all what I see is somebody constantly getting defensive or lying about their culture and their origins, its as if you don't want to give a bad vibe for being someone who doesn't belongs to the culture, because you don't want strangers to associate you with your very own culture and you don't want them to see you as who you are. Stop trying to partner up with people for surface level connections. Stop chiming in with other people's music if they cannot chime in yours. Cause this isn't what you dreamt of. Stop living a lie, in hopes of fulfilling an empty surface level dream, stop chasing it just because everyone else is doing so,

Now your love life could be deteriorating due to you pushing aside your old cultural routines and habits replacing them with a new one. I got "chinese 4th year and chinese netizens or year of netizen streaks" some of you could be popular on social media. Chinese 4th year is year of rabbit 🐇 it could be of significance for someone here. Your success in your career and relationships depends more on going back to your roots and enlivening them for others to see of the beauty of your culture. I felt somebody really really embarrassed to show their culture, like they would rather flip the table to end the conversation than to show it to others. Your person or you could feel betrayal due to abandoning your own culture maybe through each other or your family. Anyway the harmony, stability and balance comes with accepting who you are and not trying to change yourself for others. Something related to the throne and prison are coming through but yeah this pile was def giving me a lot of royal vibes. The whole time I was channeling this pile, I was getting flashes of my old friend who was also from a royal family. This can't be a coincidence. I feel like whoever you are, you are being asked to move on from this copy cat energy and try finding ways to enliven and introduce your culture to other people rather than succumbing to theirs. It also gave me a vision of an immigrant family who decides to change their entire food habits and small things they liked to do back home to get along with others, only to find out the things they bonded over was their little traditional cultural values and habits that they had once abandoned, hence souring their beautiful relationship. This low self esteem could also be due to feeling desperately unabundant or financially unstable despite having everything rooted in their culture. Maybe going back to your roots will not only make both of you feel abundant again but in turn help you manifest more of it in return. Use or eat more food items of colour red in your diet or do exercises to activate your root chakra.

Hope you liked this reading Pile 2 bye

Pile 3

1. Confirmations :-

Investigative journalism, detective and horror genres, 1, 4, 6, June,July, January, April, someone's name could be April or start with letter "J", Producer-Director, Public Display of Affection, Pedaling bicycles, P,D,E,L,G, Pedagogy, kpop group G-Idle, your person's name could start with letter E like Eunchae or something

2. How deep is your relationship with each other?

I cannot even start explaining how my cards were exploring each other and were trying to explain the entire depth of the situation. By the way some of you could be here to see how deep your relationship with your future soulmate or spouse is going to be, which is alright, no shade being thrown here, but this is meant to be an introspective read which is here to explore your love life and it might not directly be about them and also that this read might feel like a prediction for your future relationship.

Aight now I see both you exploring each other in various ways in bed, seeing how good you teo can be, some of you could be dancers or might love doing tiktok, yt shorts or reel challenges as a couple. 555, this relationship can be highly transformational for the both of you and 666 gives me a vibe of slightly karmic or heavy smexually addicted to each other kinda energy. Though both of you seemed to give off that goth vibe. I am also getting someone doing "Inshallah" like now I am getting a Goth Vibe Muslim girly. 🎵Pose for me - jack remix🎵 coming through. Unlike what many people believe or what you both could have got them believing, this relationship is far from abusive or anything like that, its sweet, wholesome, both of you will be the it couple and everyone would want to have what you two have, people will get inspired by your relationship and they will admire your relationship far and wide. Iam also seeing you two being in a long term relationship committed to each other and doing the efforts and hard work on taking this relationship to the next step.

As I can see this completely different from your previous relationship, your prev relationship could have been @bu$ive and I am so sorry if you went through that. For some of you this old relationship could have been an arranged or contractual agreement or work related relationship. Iam getting 🎵Build A Bitch by Bella Paorch 🎵 and 🎵 Cinderella 's Dead by Emeline🎵 like someone here could have gone through body shaming and breast surgery just to appease their previous partner. Like this old relationship was "tormenting, tumultuous" and maybe sometimes the abuse would leave you "panting for breathe 🫁" like "your lungs would swell" either someone was abused to the point of suffocation or state of asphyxiation through physical or repetitive addiction to substance abuse. Someone here could be a single mom who decided to move out along with her child, like this person could have created some bad situation "like for some of you, you could have been rushed to hospital when this situation happened and then got drove out of the house or left you alone to pay the bills". Like there are some so and so stories of something like this happening right or something for someone that has already happened. If you are in some physically abusive relationship please leave it right away. For those who have moved on....

You might feel so traumatized from your previous one that your new person might feel like a distraction to you at the start only for him to turn into the male lead. This person will direct and straightforward in their ways. Unlike your previous relationship this person might even urge you to eat more. Aww healthy masculinity, girl the way you are going to become a girl boss under his presence. Like damn "all the girls are girling girling"

Like you have daughters or a lot of girlfriends they are all cheering the two of you.

3. How can you find depth in your relationship?

By learning how to stand up for yourself when your relationships go sour, learning how to be courageous enough to confront the truth and see it for what it is, rather than pondering upon the time, money, love and energy you had invested into your relationships and see it for what is and see where you and your partner stands in this relationship. You need to understand how to let go of your love for your partners and courageously see the truth of your relationships for what they are. Learn to unsee the roles of third parties, whether it be work or someone who might think are the cause of the end of your relationship when they are nothing more than secondary factors who played a part in the end of the relationship. The main cause always being the weak and shaky foundations of the initial relationships.

Yeah another thing is to stop finding depth in your relationships through images, old photographs or remembering the past or revisiting the memories or anything of that sort or nature, you are not responsible for someone's loveless behaviour towards you.

🎵Think of you when I'm goin' to bed

When I wake up, think of you again

You are my homie, lover and friend

Exactly why🎵

I'm also getting that "you should stop pandering over his whims". Some of you could be "photobooth girlies". You could have an air of wisdom around you, there's are very genuine aura about, you might be the type to pander over "someone's boyfriend" I'm also getting "Sloan in the office". It might resonate with you.

Anyway your pandering over your partners could skyrocket to an extent that I guess in your case, you might end up unseeing a lot of their wrongs. I also see that the depth in your relationships can be found by you developing an identity of your own rather than being all about your partner and their life. Find something you are passionate about, and try turning your hobbies into something materialistic, meaningful and worthwhile memory that can stand a lifetime with you. Create some substance and depth in your own identity and character. Chase after your dreams and what you like, chase your financial goals and preserve through financial debts and loans to get over the sadness of the shaky foundations of a relationship or a breakup to not think too much about it.

You will get and make justice for all the sorrows that you could have been through. I'm also getting a storyline of someone "accusing someone of money extortions while reaping benefits of their hard work " asked to persevere and pay the financial debts that someone else had created despite the challenges as this phase has come in your to prove yourself of your worth so that you don't sell yourself short just because you see worth in other people's eyes.

4. What is it you aren't seeing/doing about this relationship?

You may have a tendency to show off your happiness or talk a lot about good things happening in your life to the internet to not focus on the anger or unsuccessful attempts at reviving a relationship from hell. (Like Gurl what are you doing 😱, what is not meant for you will never be there for you for a good reason) Like why are you trying to call back this goon right here, like I get the hots you had and might still kinda have for him even if you don't want to admit it but dude what are you doing??? Everyone's confused, your friends, your family, your Spotify playlist and your kdrama and Netflix algorithm are all confused at the same time. Why are you angry about him going away? You know you can still feel those cookie pleasures with other guys, damn you don't need him, what the heck girl? Spirit is saying "stop showing up your price" gurl remember the price of your happiness might be cheap for somebody else, so stop showing off how happy you are and how good you are doing to everyone. Its showing like they know you are sad about something. I'm getting "Mittens it ain't nothing to be that sad about anyway, they are a bunch of losers anyways" "like dude don't count down your blessings, stop cucking it for everyone to see, they are your gifts, not something to show but things to be proud of. If you are proud of it and feels like an expression of yourself then yeah post it, but stop highlighting it and showing it off. OMG girl, its giving insecure like professional insecure" idk why I gave y'all a nickname and then that sass talk, but some of your sassy girlfriends are like, they are also cheering you on "yess girly move on" "row row row your boat, row it away from him"

I think first things you are seeing everything as a price not precious memories and experiences cause maybe you are so immersed in your previous experiences that you don't see the value in your current relationship or current state of affairs despite knowing the fact that you are an Empress, you can have whoever you want whenever you want in your life. You could not want to see those blessings as blessings cause maybe they feel like a loan that will become a debt, so now instead of focusing on working to pay that you have officially decided to halt and not accept the blessings that are being given to you. But remember not everybody gets a loan, you have to be eligible to get one, so know that life is giving it to you because it knows you can pay it back.

So stop treating beautiful relationships and connections that come to you like a blessing as a loan and know that you are getting the privilege to experience it because you have the potential to pay it back and work for it. 💝

OMG damn girl!

5. How is the lack of depth in your energy affecting your relationships?

I almost said "how is your physiology affecting your biology" you guys could be gym trainers or health advocates, dieticians or athletes . I am getting the word "condemning". "Part of it is misconstrued " seems like part of the reason why your partners might feel you lack depth could be their own misunderstandings about your image.

Regardless that's on them, people who know each other closely know that it all starts with communication. Assumptions in a relationship doesn't last long. Idk why pile 3 but I do feel like there can be some communication issue on your part as well, afterall if you are someone who gets misjudged a lot, why doesn't your partner communicate their doubts with you, so you can clarify them. You may have a past of letting in shallow people into your life without even getting to know them on a deep enough level to start a relationship. This gives "misconstrued ideas led to Frieda being the golden poster boy, even though she's a girl"

What I'm seeing with my cards here. All of it just seems like a lot. Pile 3, do you even realise the weight of taking your parent's behaviour or tradition or legacy or do you just take whatever is being given onto you. I wouldn't lie, someone's parent or specifically grandparent's here seems more like the character Shakuni from the Indian mythology Mahabharata. For context this character was considered as one of the most cunning cruel and clever human beings of his time, whose intellect and smartness rivaled to that of Gods, but this man had a problem ,he used his cleverness and smartness to push Duryodhana and all his 99 brothers against the kind and well meaning 5 brothers of the Pandava clan. He was also responsible for spreading his venom in the King's ears leading to a great war later on. I feel like some of your difficulties start from this type of father/grandfather archetype who spews nonsensical venom in your ears, and you listen to it without using any of your own judgement or discernment of your own. I'm getting the word "hostel". R.K. Narayan's Malgudi Days could be significant for someone here. There's a story related to it, Father's help, where we see that Swami is more scared of provoking his dad than telling him the truth. I don't know I think you are either scared to question the forceful authority in your household/friend group/community than follow the truth and wisdom your heart speaks to you. My Tumblr banner is "Let your heart be your compass". Trust your heart, let it row your boat, without judgement. Your heart knows, I don't why I am getting this unforgiving treacherous eye on someone. You guys could be quite unforgiving towards people due to a slight mistake people could do in your tradition or culture. This is so sad pile 3. Not everyone knows everything about you or your traditions.

I also see you not taking a stand against this injustice when your parents or elders in your family cuss at your partner. This is so disappointing. Iam also seeing the lack of depth could be due to your parents treating you like some object whose love life needs to be decided by them. I also see you blindly following some sort of standard like caste, bloodline, religion or a certain job that your parents wanted you to do, and the partner they think you should have. This either seems like a barbie doll game to them where everything from A-Z needs to be perfect or you seriously are allowing this kind of mindset, generational pattern or parents to genuinely take over the autonomy of your relationships, for them to decide your life.

The key here is to actually feel what you actually feel about a person, or things related to your partner rather than pushing your feelings aside, letting your parents handle it, or not seeing how much it hurts both you and your partner to be in a position of being dictated by your parents. The more you push your emotions and judgment aside, the more you will push a huge amount of suppressed emotions waiting to break you, your character or your partner down one day.

6. What else can you do to navigate your love life smoothly?

I honestly feel like coming to balance with yourself and your partner is the first step to start. I see you being someone who takes the initiative every single time, thereby stressing yourself and eventually putting so much of your energy, time, and attention on the people you love without expecting the same in return. This constant need to " win over a person" needs to stop. You are not broken or defective for you to be the only person to fix everything in a relationship. Both of you can see how broken the relationship is, if your partner isn't willing to try, stop trying to make it work in order to keep the relationship. What's the point? If they are already not putting in efforts, what's the point of keeping this relationship going? Its never going to work. Why do you have to be the person putting in all of the work? Why should it always be you who puts efforts into the relationship and not them.

In my cards you need to understand the difference between when and when not to put efforts into a relationship. Try understanding the energy of receiving in a relationship. You could be the type of person who gives a lot to their other half. Stop it, open your eyes and see, if this is even getting reciprocated or not. I'm not saying measure your love, I'm saying if you aren't getting reciprocated the same in return, why not communicating that with your partner and reaching a conclusion? Cause sometimes its our fault as well, we give so much love, gifts, flowers to our loved ones in hope they know we love them and then later on find them dissatisfied with us, cause maybe your partner just expected you to gift them all those only for wanting to touch their body, never realizing you wanted more depth. That's why communication is so important. Hence understand that our efforts may not be taken in the same way our partners might think. Hence become who not only nourishes but also gets nourished in their relationships.

Let your guard down and allow people to spend their money, time and energy on you. Allow new beginnings a relationship or for someone here allow people to gift you and bring new relationships towards you, let it all get balanced, you do not have to win over everyone. Partners may not understand your love language, stop giving away everything (like are you some $uicudal bit¢h or what? Why are you giving away everything? Calm down, learn the art of reciprocation and let them pamper you a little bit)

I'm getting this specific, someone's own suicide memories could have got triggered somewhere, so sorry about that. Idk if I should delete the joke or not. But please don't read the next paragraph thank you

(now please don't get offended on $uicide joke, this admin is a bit crack on dark humour, if I offended you I'm sorry for triggering something)

Stop trying to be this unforgettable lover and listen or heed the advice of lover once, stop trying to create an epic live story, just create a good one)

Omg Pile 3, so many hesitations, so many worries, things happening around in an untimely manner, someone here could have mars square Pluto, mars square some planet in scorpio in natal chart, mars square venus with their partner, or venus square in their natal chart. Stop trying to build the relationship without putting any emotional work or communication into it and focus more on connecting and receiving love.

Yup Pile 3. Take care and Be yourself in a relationship. Bubye, (idk why I wanted to call you my bubbas or something, maybe you guys work with children on a daily basis on something)

Pile 4

1. Confirmations :

Someone in this pile could be waiting for an answer for proposal, "have you decided yet", Important decisions, Wakanda, Earrings, UAE, T,compass, 🧭, WWE, letter T,W,K,W,U,E, number 3,6, 9,March,June, September, August, Sagittarius

2. How deep is your relationship with each other?

"How deep is your mistake with each other?" What an interesting storyline, is this relationship relationship built on deep faith and trust with each other due to the things you mistook about one another. Its as if you both were able to forgive big mistakes made in this relationship and thus formed a healthy relationship later. Oh my gosh! What a love, my loves.....💖

Idk why I want to ask, what is this mistake you made about each other....

Its in the past, but one of you guys mistook the other to be a showoff of some sort, idk for freely giving out their money or wealth, some family member could have defamed the other as some shameless gold digger, 🤣 I see this family member being on the lookout, nothing more, though it must have been harsh for you. I am literally getting "the golden couple" for you guys. Omg! So you guys could be moving slowly building this relationship and investing into. Some of you could be pregnant, congratulations! May God Bless both of you a long life with your baby. 💖💖💖

I am getting "Diet Mountain Dew" by Lana Del Rey

I was shuffling the deck, and then there was this mysterious card that tried to fly out but mysteriously went back flying in as nothing happened. And this was the card of work, perseverance, patience, focus and mastering the masterpiece, 8 of pentacles or so I thought but the way it hid itself only to reveal 3 of pentacles to me, despite my intuition shouting 8 of pentacles tells me a lot of things, your hard work in a collaborative effort remains hidden. You could be some sorta hidden in helping your person, family or business build their fortune. Its actually a collaborative effort, but my oh my, does your person know this? Wow so you love helping people without telling them a thing huh? OMG your love is lucky, i heard "pretty annoying", guess they don't like you interfering with their workspace, oh my gosh! And you, our Quite Quintessence are helping them behind the scenes. Your giggles could be infectious pile 4, trust me, this relationship is deeper than the formation of this land!!! OMG this seems like a past past way way past life couple. Oh my gosh, what are you guys doing here on Earth? I mean Thank You for inviting us in this space, thank you for allowing me and my spirit guides to write about your beautiful friendship/relationship. Thank you for healing this space with your sacred energy, sacred bond and following your heart's will. We are grateful to have you here, through this stormy Planet Earth. This is definitely a connection which goes way back, with starseed energy, circulating its love through the Cosmos.

I think this is a soul bond and only time will tell where it will lead the both of you together in this journey. Iam not the one who can tell you that. If this connection 's reconciliation is what's haunting you, know you have been friends before lovers, so this will go way back. You both are here for each other always as supporters and cheerleaders for each other's soul. Don't let human parameters make you fixate on this relationship 's terms and conditions. This seems like a soul connection that could have gone cold for some of you

3. How can you look for depth in your relationships?

I feel like someone's asking me "How can you find the soul connection?"

First of all, I didn't even apply oil to my hands. Iam already channeling "Oily hands" ok what? "Steak" 🥩, "stake", don't tell me you two fight over leftovers 🤦🏻‍♀️ . I think someone here wants to know how to find that soul connection. Maybe you are being confused by your own mind right now. It seems this is a higher dimensional connection, where the energies are forming current. I feel like you should remain, rest assured that they are watching over you, whether dead or alive in their soul form, they are not trying to find you though, they could be pretty much invested in some other connection for some of you. So maybe we are looking into your future connection. Avoid trying to bypass their spirit guides and their ancestral protection, some of you could be bypassing that by the means of intuition, Iam almost getting that you are bypassing their safety, on a spiritual sense by doing activities like physical spying, which could be triggering spiritual warfare towards them or through them, just stop it, "do not overdue your time and luck on Earth" that's a call out for some of you there. You could be getting attacked in your sleep, dreams or subconscious recently, it's their ancestors attacking you. Do not bypass anyone's spiritual protection, their soul decided to be a part of their family to help alleviate the generational curses in their family line not yours. Everybody has a spiritual protection, do not by pass it by any means. It might ultimately affect your connection only. Don't judge their family legacy, don't get tempted by greed, idk don't try to force something like this. Let it happen. The dominant one in this relationship could be a female, anyway it feels like the dominant energy is pretty much looking for their lover everywhere in their grief and pain, while the other is gone, and are unable to let go of them. Be careful for what you wish for though, have some patience and let God clarify your path. They are no good for you, still you want them right now.

How can you find depth in your relationships? Or what can you do to find that depth in your relationships? Well, "sharp gaze" "knock it off" someone could feel real flustered with someone's deep eyes and sharp glaze. I feel like this has something to do with you learning to connect with your emotions, 🥺 letting all your emotions flow, rather than selective emotions such as rage and anger, you should also allow the flow of softer emotions like sadness, pain, fear, as you might be someone who doesn't allows themselves to channel those emotions, hence despite being in a relationship you sometimes end up carrying trinkets of emotional baggage from your past connections, without even realising it. The baggage from your past connections and your present connections weigh you heavily in your heart space. You might not realise this at the start but will find it hard to let go of the emotional comfort, depth, energy and attention someone could have given you. Without realising this you subconsciously look for the same in your next connections, without realising the impact of that connection, you don't realise how your heart actually craves for all those emotions that your ex /past connections gave you, and how badly you are craving the same in other connections to the point you aren't able to sleep peacefully with your new connections cause internally you haven't sorted out your feelings and aren't able to fulfill what others fulfilled within you on your own. Your heart is exposing these feelings, you know what they are, let yourself be vulnerable, explore yourself and find out. Find a quiet place like cave (without snakes ofc) or some mountain to meditate and find out what it is that you are suppressing within yourself.

The depth of your relationships relies on you finding who you are

4. What is it that you aren't seeing or doing about your relationship?

First of all I am getting a storyline here, maybe there's a lot of lies and gossip mongers in (idk why I wanted to say in you or inside you, maybe its just the voices in your head) and around your circle, lying to you about your relationship. Like try putting less emphasis on these friends or community or family members. Honestly test them, cause I feel like they are here with you, standing for you because of your money only and these people won't last long, once you stop helping them. I am also getting that there's a lot of gossip in these groups about your past relationships and ex connections. There's someone you aren't seeing yet, this gossip monger is investigating in your life and telling all this info to these circles. Once you stop putting so much emphasis or investing into these circles, the value of these rumours would fade away and this person will be left with emotionally manipulative ways and tactics with which they will try to repeat again and again just for the sake of getting popular or keep telling the same tale in hopes of someone noticing them. Nothing but a bunch of lies and hoaxes. Let them bring about the misery to themselves. Let them stay restless and let them keep crying your name till endless nights while you sit back and relax. Maybe you are investing way too much in these mid-ass friend circles to whom this person is also trying to enter by breaking the fourth wall through the info they have on you. And trust me all these friend circle and communities they seem really self serving, selfish, immature and childish energies. If they are being immature with you why care about investing your time, money, energy and affection in them, they don't seem mature enough to understand, you seem like the type to give a shot to these friends. Why just stop doing so and say goodbye 👋🏻.

5. How is the lack of depth in your energy affecting your relationships?

I am seeing a storyline here again. So pile 4 you guys could be some sort of writers, or people with imaginative and creative vocations or mostly storytelling, or writing pursuits.

Anyway I see that there's someone, (could be a person in their feminine energy, can a male too) who is unwilling to see the reality or dark side of the situation as the truth of the matter. They are clinging to this energy of a healer, or clinging on to this healing energy quite tightly, they could be a healer themselves, it seems like they have been clearing a lot of karmic debts recently. This person could be really good at understanding their losses and accepting the truth of the situation and even transmute their energy as a compassionate soul but seems like its hurting their ego as they progress to see truth, the ego of wanting everything to be exactly the way they want to preserve it, they could be losing sone sort of possesion property or literally a child, they aren't willing enough to see the changes, as watching the things they love go away drives them to insanity, to the point they could be locking themselves up in a bubble, seeing the reality for what it is but not accepting it. They are wrathful against whatever that reason because of which their relationship is being taken away from them, whether its because of their own behaviour, someone else's behaviour or external circumstances they have no control over. They are crying over it.

I think this is a cycle that continues, until they see their own reflection in the mirror and reflect to see where they have come in life. Thus upon seeing themselves in this desperate and miserable position, this person decides to make a decision, and they decide to cut the vows, the commitment they once made, the same commitment that was keeping them stuck for all this time and they take time to introspect, reflect and understand what had actually happened to them in this journey mid way. And come back to their center to finally find the very essence of the universe within themselves and try to reunite with spirit and awaken their spark through this universe's help once again, the spark that once that had once faded that was once thought to faded or dead, where the person who thought their way, purpose and passion was all over and gone, there this person starts their journey to find their truth, their beliefs through their prayers again.

I think this lack of depth in your relationships is making you weak, it makes you cling onto people almost co-dependent on them. Its your need to protect, to cling thats what's making you lose depth in your relationships. Believe it or not, you might be someone whose presence is really healing almost soothing and comforting to the point that people wouldn't want to leave this comfort zone, but its this need to cling, to protect the people you love from change, from transformation from the chaos itself where all you end up seeing and let's just say breeding (someone here has breeding kinks) is this past version of your partner's self, not wanting to see them grow, transform, become somebody else because you are so afraid of change yourself. You hate the truth, the reality, the reality that your partner, your exes, the people you loved could ever change, I am not saying you are someone bad or manipulative who wants to keep people in their comfort zone, you are so scared of losing them, and could have based your self worth on protecting or helping out your partners to an extent you might not even realize how you end torturing the people you nurture. Its literally giving me a mama snake eating her own eggs due to hunger. Its as if you saved these egglings or these people by healing them and protecting them only to end up depending on them for your energy. Do not do this anymore. You might think you have the power to give, give, give but one day whether you like it or not, life's karma works in a way where you will not even realise how much of an energy vampire you are turning into, by loving and giving so much of your energy and letting people go when they please after taking you for granted. If you don't unlearn this behaviour of clinging onto partners, you will not even realise how quickly it will take away your own energy from self. Stop making vows just to follow them, live those vows, be discerning of when those vows are broken, don't wait till your spark dies out.

I think its a friend group in this case, an immature circle who are constantly killing you and your spark and passion for life, and it seems you aren't willing to see their dark side. Omg pile 4.

I think your answer is right, cut-off from these fake-listed friends, find your peace, live your truth, why you tryna be with them, be like them, girl just leave stop getting angry on other people's behalf, stop taking their beliefs, you are not them, they are not you. Stop taking a stand for them and let them live their life. Let them go, make mistakes and do whatever they want to do. Let it go. Stop interfering in other people's lives and taking stand for them, you are committing spiritual bypassing, let people learn from their mistakes. Do not stand for them. Let them learn on their own two feet.

Just leave them, stop coddling a bunch of adults. Stop being so overly protective of others that you won't even let them grow.

6. What else can you do to navigate through your love life smoothly?

Right off the bat, I see an inability to move on from lovers, family, friends, enemies and classmates, and it seems like there's a lot of external influences in your relationships. Like a lot of third party energy in here. I am getting the world in reverse, this could be chasing that half baked dream, having achieved nothing in life, so you run in circles. What I see here is you unable to confront yourself and your own fears of leaving behind your friends, family, co-workers and all sorts of people, and then feeling for every one, every little being, every creature , every little person. Just stop, stop ok. Do you even know all these properly, even if you know everything there's to know about these people, does that make you close to them, or does that make you knowledgeable. That's it, you haven't connected with them on a level where they'll reciprocate your feelings for them the same way you would. Suppose you got transmigrated to your fav manga, do you know these characters yes, maybe you do know the tea, but did you connect with them, did you feel for them, did they give you back the same in return. That's my question to you pile 4, you act like you sort of know or understand people based on your knowledge of human psychology or tarotology or astrology or biology or anatomy but that doesn't mean you have connected with them, formed a bond with them. These people cannot be obliged to fill your emptiness just because you know them, and they have known you. If they haven't connected to you the way you have, you don't need to reciprocate further than how much they reciprocate.

Maybe that's why you were asked to become more vulnerable to feel people and form bonds with them and connect with them rather than relying on your knowledge about them. That's not how it works. If you don't express your love, feelings, efforts you have put on people and aren't brave enough to let them go when they tell you to do so, how will you ever find someone who will someone who will reciprocate your love, your feelings and your efforts. Knowing somebody doesn't mean you have connected to them, making efforts to know them doesn't mean they owe you something. You should be smart enough to discern when to let go of a person who doesn't want to let go and is clinging to you, your energy, your time and your attention mercilessly at your own cost. Let people go, don't let them latch onto you or attach to you or your energy you don't deserve this.

Please understand that if you haven't built a proper foundation with someone, you cannot expect them to know you as well as you do nor reciprocate you in the same manner. Please stop staying stuck in a loop of depression, chaos, shouting against this injustice. Just speak up, express your feelings, draw your boundaries and leave them. Don't engage with them, hate on them, or exact revenge from them, its just restless. Take your big sis's advice.

And instead of looking at all the investment you made in your relationships and pondering over it all sadly and recollecting those past stories, and reliving those feelings and emotions, focus on yourself, your own self care routines, exercises, hobbies, passions and things you would love to do. Take the risk and do what excites you, pursue your dreams.

Pile 5

1. Confirmations :

Yung kai - blue, lose you love me -selena gomez, Baymax, Axe, Quantico the series, Gunshot,Blood Loss, Bongola Bongo Cha cha cha, "Hit the Intelligent button Todd that's right" I channeled this, J Cole fan, someone here in this pile could be in midst of feud, Obsessed - Mariah Carrey,YSL, MySQL,SQL server, number 9,6,3, September,March, June, August, May, letters: S,Q,L,X

2. How deep is your relationship with each other?

Immediately I am getting the word "abuse" (excuse me?). As I can see in your previous relationship whatever relationship this is /was. You made the right choice by walking away despite missing this person from time and time again. It must have been really hard to let go of your past lover ("someone who was berating you with comments you didn't deserve to be abused with"). The universe is thanking you for choosing to leave this( "stay at home dad") dead beat person alone. After they had trampled on your emotions. And thank you for realising you were hurting yourself,( "I needed to lose you to love me " ) by keeping this dead beat around. ("Lazy ass lying about" iam channeling, don't shoot the messenger)

Thank you for leaving this person behind. Idk why I am channeling for someone named Stacy or maybe somebody being yelled at for telling their dead beat stay at home husband to buy pads for them. Thank you for leaving this abuser.

Thank you for standing up for yourself and speaking up. You may be feeling miserable right now, but that's just because you were learning and got manipulated into aligning to this attention seeking, Gen-Z spirit (could be younger than you) that you have ended up (unfortunately) successfully manifesting this misery for yourself. Its okay look up, there's light out there, there's hope out there, go and achieve whatever you want. You may feel undeserving of it but learn to trust and believe in yourself despite all those long years of successfully possessing (you could be possessive of your partners) this person and realizing that it only ended up in you attracting more misery and chaos for yourself. You may still have that competitive spirit in you, so go for it, it isn't late to make those "wish upon stars" dreams come true.

Good job finding peace again. It must be a long battle of survival. You can rest here if you want 👇🏻

3. How can you look for depth in your relationships?

"By expecting princess treatment and by expecting yourself to be guided by others"

This is such a weird message but seems like you need to understand how to listen and obey a good advice diligently with discipline to achieve good results in life. It seems like you are the type who always needs someone telling you what to do, or someone addicted to enabling relationships, enabling dynamics and some enabling tarot readers to tell you how to live life and experience it. I am someone who is personally against telling people how to live their lives. So if you are an impressionable mind or a minor, do not interact. This reading isn't for you. Please leave.

Anyways, following up the Sabrina Carpenter song, please please please, the depth you need to look for in relationships by observing the amount of times you needed to pretend to somebody else to save face for the sake of your family. How you had to sacrifice your finances to support this family member and to show the outsiders that your family has the money, the time you had to force your smile in public to act like you are in a happy relationship and everything's alright. The time you had to play hide seek with everyone around you including your partner despite living the worst "nightmare come true". Watching your entire family celebrate while your mental, emotional and spiritual health was breaking down.

You know how to find depth in situations like these, becoming so accustomed to truth that all you see is truth in life and see things for what they actually are. That's what you need, not a last minute fix, you need to align with the truth, live in truth and see truth for what it is rather than sulking into depression all the time your feelings get hurt. Stop being so attached to the feelings of the past to the extent and point that you keep deluding yourself with the feelings of attachments and keep pulling yourself down just because one or two people are pulling you down.

Educate yourself on gaslighting, toxic behaviour, and how to draw boundaries with people. There are free resources available to do that. You could have stayed in a toxic relationship for so long that now you go or sulk into depression every time someone says something that triggers your trigger buttons and bam! you are sad. Stop doing that. Recognize your own patterns that you follow in relationships and don't get comfortable with abuse if that's what your past made you comfortable with, (be careful with the next partners that feel comfortable to you guys) . Fight against those trigger patterns with knowledge and never put yourself in this situation ever again where you end up sulking into a severe depression and become paralyzed with fear to even stand up for yourself.

Only true knowledge can help you to fight back without literally fighting or making anyone else know your vulnerabilities and trigger buttons. Please recognise the people who make you pretend/fake your entire self and life to the point of mental illness, and educate yourself with proper weapons to properly fight back.

You need to train your mind in such a way that it realises how people/partners around you are trying to trigger you and understand who to ignore and who to fight against. Educate yourself and your mind to quickly come forward to your rescue with what someone's implying and what their actual intentions are than to succumb to depression and letting these words break their spirit. Once you start recognizing abusive behaviour in people, and the difference between normal and abusive behaviour, only then can you look for depth in your relationships. You could be someone very accustomed to toxic behaviour almost considering that as a comfortable feeling within men.

4. What is it that you aren't seeing/doing about your relationships?

"Merciless cards" idk seems like to you, nothing's more scary than watching or listening to the truth. These cards are not being merciless to you. They deliver truth to you or whatever the law of karm and Universe needs you to understand at the moment. They work on the ancient wisdom of the Universe, so you are often being told what needs to be known to you. These cards are coming through for you as guidance, please take their messages if their messages resonate with you. Whether your brain knows it or not, your heart knows it too. You can or will feel this message resonating if this is your truth. If not, leave, stop taking unbridled appreciative statements as a form of validation. I'm not here to validate you.

You don't or want to see /value the efforts of your inner self's gentleness and kindness, (I'm getting inner giant self). You don't value the genuineness within you. It seems like the truth that could balance you and your life out and set you free from these compromising situations is hurting you. I don't know but all of a sudden, after I wrote, I am not here to validate you, I was being pushed to be nice or something. Iam getting that some of you could have been pushed too far into being nice, mediocre and nothing more a effing daruma doll 🪆, seems like even the layers inside you were traumatized into becoming a people pleaser. It seems like you were forced into being this frickin barbie doll, this is so sad, heartbreaking and this molding is something my energy hates a lot, I can see why I can become full swing annoyed with you if I met you in my personal life cause I am not someone like that, I never did fold myself for other's needs, either hid myself and became strong enough to express it or stayed hidden till I got/ made a place to vent it all out. This seems like a person who was made out to be this way, someone who was manufactured into something appeasing and breathtaking or jaw dropping in everyone's eyes only to have their own real self being compromised. This is so sad pile 5

"I see you, I understand your pain " maybe you have said these words way too many times to too many people ("problems" maybe they were problematic people who were continuously abusing you) without them ever seeing or understanding your pain. This could have happened too many times and again it's heartbreaking for you having to go through all that. Oftentimes if you don't have a proper defence mechanism or a proper sense of your sense of self, people end up thinking that their trauma mechanism is their sense of self which is not even true. Dear Pile 5 just because you weren't allowed to react towards the pain, sorrow or problems in your life the way you would normally react to since childhood, you could have turned out to be either A) overreactive towards every minor little inconvenience or B) extremely suppressed to even talk about problems

I am getting B) it is. You could have problems speaking up, saying your mind, speaking and living your truth for yourself. There could have been people around who manipulated you into succumbing to this shell, this limit and this potential from where you could only dream of the skies, and ask yourself who would you actually be if you were allowed to see things naturally without these shells or walls on you. You feel suppressed to talk about your problems cause you don't want to appear broke, problematic or messy on the outside. But the truth is simple, you are hurt, you are broken, you are messy, you can be problematic, everyone is. What's the problem in telling that out loud? Its relatable, understandable, and might not be what people might assume about you on the outside but what's the problem in breaking this shell open and letting people, some may call you weak, some might like to dismiss this part of you, why be sad at them? Why go depressed? Why make an effort to make them understand something? Girl why do we got to do all that?!! Be confident in your flaws baby girl, just let them see it. You are unique, you are different, that's much better than everyday manufactured you. C'mon now. Be confident in you. If someone criticizes your flaws and shuns you for being you, its their thingy, why give them so much power over yourself. Go and talk to the next person! Who knows, maybe they might turn out to be nice. Why miss your whole life on partners and people who want average ping pongs and not the unique you who is different and filled with flaws and scars of experience! And this is not to say the people they choose are npc or something, this is to say that all of them are as average and as beautifully smexy as you are but at varying degrees, then why waste so much of your time on chasing people who see nothing but flaws in you girl. Why let the pain of the truth cut you so deep, when it exists to set you free? Your flaws may not attract certain people but it might attract completely your kinda people towards you.

Oh God, what you aren't seeing or doing in relationships is letting your guard down, letting people see your flaws and instead of taking their judgement to your heart, becoming a judge of their character and communicating your problem to them and if they don't understand it and continue to disrespect it. Leave it girl/boy, why you sulking? When your insecurities are the very things making you unique. Stop it! You need help if you think you gotta change anything about yourself. Like c'mon girl/boy you okay?

Take charge of your own emotions, don't let others hurt it, understand that your insecurities ARE NOT A PROBLEM. Be genuinely happy and respectful towards who you are. Only then can you actually work in partnership

Absolutely feel the rain on your skin, no one else can do it for you, no one else, no one else. Feel the rain on your skin.

Feel life through your skin, see its colours through your eyes, go and experience love the way you would like to, not through these inhibitions, doors, or walls someone or this society has offset on you. Instead of taking up other's words and judgement listen to your heart, is this what you want. Become an emotionally balanced person no matter what thick and thin comes your way in relationships. The only person you don't see when it comes to relationships is YOU baby girl YOU 💋😘.

Don't try to make it work at places where you get constant heartbreaks. Disrespect doesn't equate to explanation. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. And yeah there could have been a third party situation in your relationship. Why focus on a person who keeps prioritising third party over you, not for you.

5. How is this lack of depth in your energy affecting your relationships?

Okay Pile 5, I'm noticing this from the start that your cards have been pretty straightforward and the messages are crisp. I see that you may be someone who loves to thrive on illusionary happiness if not real one rather than see the truth for what it is. You remind me of a friend I had , she was someone who relied on the illusion of happiness that her abusive husband might change one day, despite all the pain she went through. When the party's over by Billie Eilish might resonate. Its as if you would rather fight with your partner in a relationship and get hurt than leave. You find it hard to detach from people who hurt you. Maybe because you are in constant effort to make them like you or understand them.

I don't know why I am getting a father wound here or daddy issues. Its as if there's someone who's unable to forgive themselves for defying or standing against their authority figures or a father figure,( I'm also getting a father figure employee) The depth that you could lack could be, not being able to see yourself for who you are/were naturally (in terms of stamina, strength, power or regality something), and burning out your own energy for others, this isn't fair pile 5.

I feel like there's a warning here, idk there's a warning here of some sort, you are being asked trust the unseen, and let them lead your way towards your soulmate. Some of you could have a Divine Love contract, the purpose of this is to love, understand and grow in life. There's something about letting God do the thinking instead of you controlling all the masts. I see they are not sending this divine connection on your way for a reason. There's something about losing yourself, burning out completely due to suffering, fighting and struggling so much with the Divine himself for control.

Let it rain, let life happen, you are here to experience it not control it.

I'm legit feeling Lana Del Rey's sweet voice soothingly singing "I'm on the run with you my sweet love, There's nothing wrong contemplating God, under the chemtrails over the country club"

I'm getting that someone here hates God or doesn't wants to believe in him, especially His silence. Its as if they are do not like the silence behind their divine lover or their future spouse or their next future lover messages. You might be real eager to know who this person is, without even working on yourself. Or maybe you are here with this expectation, BYE BYE

Anyways your lack of depth in your energy could be due to you staying stuck in your comfort zone. I am getting "travel" , it feels like you are being asked to release this need to control, self sabotage, seek validation and find answers but instead sit and meditate in His energy and come back home in yourself rather than finding it through external means. "Keep your workspace or home clean". "Homestuck Ballet" you can't practice ballet in home or a small room, try getting out for some fresh air, now now be a little like Quasimoto and Merida, if there are strict restrictions on going out, then break those rules a little and have your well deserved break among nature . Maintain your Work - life balance. Keep a maid if you want.

Homestuck Ballerina could be significant for you.

6. What else can you do to navigate through your love life smoothly?

Idk why but I am getting Princess Mononoke, (Ghibli studios) where the lady workers are telling me, "chalo bhatti chale" which means common let's get to the furnace. And there are two cards that popped out of the archetype deck. Spirit is telling me They aren't extra. But a part of your lesson or insight maybe that you will take with you today. Idk something about this connection is deeply connected to Divine's plan on a collective consciousness maybe. I am seeing someone drowning their better judgement or logical discernment, due to their emotional weakness or emotional state. Iam getting heavy Pisces and Cancer energy. But I see someone drowning in their emotions letting their mental logic drown despite being right. It feels like a subconscious or unconscious energy that is emotionally drowning your mental judgement.

This message is specifically for people who feel a twin flame like connection with a significant other, please understand that these soul contracts or soul connections are promises or vows your souls have made, these connections can only thrive when you can let go and allow fruit to ripe, that is when you allow the Divine to take their time and send you the green signal intuitively, only then do you move forward. Till then train your subconscious mind to stop drowning in emotions and forcing connection. Instead use the Sword to summon a storm that will seperate the water and the sky. Your actual goal in this lifetime could be learning how to discipline yourself and your desires rather than connecting with each other. The truth can be bitter. But your soul is here to learn. 💗

You are being asked to become an active learner in life, grow achieve adapt celebrate and expand your growth and keep aiming for higher goals to feel go and reach towards the Divine Light.

Definitely guard your heart for now, focus on healing yourself and when your heart settles down go for love again. "I think about you all the time 24x7 365 " 365 by Katy Perry. You all could be going googly eyed in love or something. Maybe be careful of restless and lustful energies trying to use your emotional energy to balance their life, basically energy vamps, Also set some standards for the kind of partner you want to manifest.

Idk I think there's some reality check needed here, maybe you are hiding your love or infatuation for this person, they could have unconsciously become your reason for happiness, but deep down this person/ you could be hurt,(for some its just you, for some its them too) I'm hearing Pasoori, oh my god, you both are painstakingly missing each other. This hurts, given how emotional Pasoori's lyrics are. It feels like both of you are stuck in this "Debbie Downer" mode. This could due to feeling embarrassed to admit your feelings to each other as it might do more harm than good.

Now either this person's committed to someone else. Or they are forced into this situation due to strict parents. One of you had to let go. Though it does seem like you both are ready to fight tooth and nail over this, cause you two or maybe its just your energy are possessive lovers. But I think the message here is to cultivate the patience and discipline so that both of you or just you end up trapping the other in your effort to successfully salvage your ego by reviving this connection.

[notayamichan]

🌟 Learning Japanese 🇯🇵

🔔　あたしのガイドは、人が英語を話す向けー　(⁠◔⁠‿⁠◔⁠)

The following guide is based on my personal experience. I am not an authority on the matter and I am still barely a beginner regarding Japanese.

What am I doing?

Learning languages seems non-lienar and that's partly true (at an intermediate level). But, when you're first starting out, there's generally clear goals to work toward.

Your Beginner Goals

Study and master kana

Japanese employs hiragana and katakana in conjunction with kanji. Together, hiragana and katakana make up kana.

Learn the kana (hiragana and katakana)

Learn the difference between kunyomi and onyomi (kanji)

Delve into grammar and establish some foundational vocab

Immerse yourself with input content (movies, shows, etc)

Study and practice a basic form of "pitch accent"

Continue developing your vocab and particle knowledge

Learn about polite versus casual talk and social culture

Use the language (letters, blog, diary, etc)

Seek conversations to apply the language properly

Find and study tests like JLPT to gauge your progress

What can I use?

Duolingo

If this was your first pick, you're naive but not foolish. It'll teach you enough to get help if you're lost in Japan. But it won't be enough to hold a conversation. Give it a try and see if it works for you. Duolingo is free.

I recommend using Duolingo as a supplementary learning tool rather than your primary learning tool

Textbooks and Guides

Many learners and even classes praise numerous textbooks. I for one received a recommendation for Tae Kim's Japanese Guide. So, I'll recommend it to you. Don't be afraid to see out other guides or attempt some textbooks. However, one should always remember that the textbook is NOT demonstrative of naturalistic Japanese.

For example, 「私は猫が好きです」 is what a textbook correctly teaches, though 「猫好きだよ」 is acceptable and more natural in casual Japanese

Building vocabulary

If you want to develop your vocabulary, you can use JLPT anki decks. Anki is a flashcard program for desktop and mobile. You can also use anki in conjunction with a dictionary like Jisho to create new flashcards decks (suited to the words you'd like to learn). You may also pick up vocab from Japanese media (i.e, anime, manga, books, content creators, music, etc).

If you're using Jisho and want to find a word you only know in English, search for it using quotation marks. For example, "school" or, if you want a verb "to learn" ~ it should help. You can spell out Japanese words normally by just typing... i.e, watashi.

Good input versus Bad input

Immersing yourself in Japanese media and culture is good but you need to be mindful of the content you're consuming— take note of the context behind events, interactions, or the relationship of speakers. Be especially mindful of anime and manga— both are known to use hyperbolic language or phrases that aren't commonly used in day to day conversation. Fortunately, some anime and manga do use everyday language, and you can usually find lists.

I recommend using the Tofugu blog to learn about both Japanese language and culture. But if you don't like reading, there are many YT channels like Kaname Naito and NihongoDekita with Sayaka. For general immersion though, here's a sweet vlog channel, a JP Warframe creator, and a natural born otaku.

[madschiavelique]

Can I request a Karlach x fem reader (she/her pronouns)? I would love a little angst where reader's faith begins to wane in the party because she thinks they aren't staying focused on removing the tadpoles from themselves. I would love it to end with with some fluff or smut where tav comes back to Karlach and the team.

Thank you for all of the work your putting into these requests.

i might have derived a tiny bit from the request but i hope you'll like it!! i have no idea if it's good or bad i have no perception

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ pairing : karlach x fem!reader

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ content warning : angst, but don't worry comfort afterwards, fem!reader (although i think it could be read as gn!reader), no use of y/n

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ words : 1,5k

( not proofread, english is not my first language ☆)

You looked at your full glass of wine. It had only been served to you once all evening, while your companions themselves were on their third. The dark, almost black crimson of the liquid reflected your seriousness and concern, sawing your forehead in anxious frowns.

You had reached Baldur's Gate not so long ago, you had never been so close to your objectives, and yet what had you done when you arrived?

You'd wandered into a circus.

A circus, as ridiculous as it gets, was the first thing on your agenda. You had the end of the world to save, were close to the city that had been your target for months, and this was the first thing the group went to?

Admittedly, it might have helped the crew relax to have a moment without having to worry about whether they'd turn into octopuses in the next few minutes, but for your part, you couldn't get the objective out of your head.

You still had so much to do before you could even scratch the surface of your objectives, like finding the grave of the madman locked in a medallion found in the Underdark, confronting Gortash and Orin, or even finding the remains of Dribbles who were scattered who knows where.

You had so much to think about. You hadn't even reached the drawbridge that would take you into the city, too busy in the meantime neutralising enemies in the circus.

Night had fallen on the camp for a while now, and all the companions were discussing the various things they wanted to do once in the city. Astarion wanted to take revenge on Cazador, Gale was desperate to get to Lorroakan's tower, Wyll needed to see his father, and your real objective seemed to get lost in all this.

You had moved slightly away from the camp, watching the town from your campsite, sitting on a large chopped log. All the days ahead would take you horribly slowly towards The Absolute. 

“What's got you so worked up, soldier?”

You didn't need to turn around, Karlach's warm, high-spirited voice was easy to spot. Given your departure from the group earlier in the evening, it was probably only a matter of time before she came to see you.

Karlach cared about you, and you about her, more than you would have thought. A cold sweat ran down your spine every day as your eyes inevitably landed on her beating heart, staining her chest orange.

You had almost come to hate that colour. Every day the sun bathed the world, morning and evening, with its golden caress, and marked with a hot iron seal one less day in the rest of those Karlach could live.

Another annoyance that would keep you from the Absolute, another problem that could lead you to lose more than just a friend, to lose a lover…

“Worked up?” you feigned, as if the remark were ridiculous, “I'm not worked up.”

She giggled behind you, and walked over to sit next to you on the log, towering over you slightly. You could feel her gentle eyes on you, a small smile on her face as her gaze returned to the horizon.

“You look tenser than Gale when he has to hear someone massacre ‘literature's accuracy’,” her claws mimicked the signs of quotation hooks in the air.

You smiled, crossing your arms over your chest as you recalled the day when Gale, too banged up from the day, had asked Karlach to read aloud to him an extract from one of his books taken during the trip.

“He'd be ready to pounce on anyone in seconds if that happened,” you sneered.

“But you're not pouncing,” she remarked, “you're brooding, or more like, looking super anxious.”

You turned towards her, finally meeting her gaze. “Am I now ?”

“Yeah you are,” Karlach laughed softly, gently nudging you with her shoulder.

For a brief moment, there was silence again as your eyes watched the glow of the city in the distance. You were already wondering what order to go through tomorrow, what equipment to change, what food to stock up on...

“Hey... Are you okay ?” questioned your lover, obviously noticing the annoyance on your face. “Wanna talk about it ?”

Her warm hand came to rest on your shoulder, bringing you back to reality much less abruptly than you might have thought. Her warmth softened you, wrapped you up like a comforting blanket, and eased all your worries.

“It's just,” you shrugged, “the Absolute has been haunting us for months, we have never been closer to it before, and yet we can't help but go do so many other things beforehand?”

Your head fell back, closing your eyes as if to banish from your mind the countless quests that awaited you once you had passed through the city gates. As if your mind didn't even have the power to think about anything else, just to detach itself from the addictive thought that a worm had latched onto your brain and was planning to turn you away from humanity at the slightest misstep.

“It's like at times I can feel the thing just- writhing in my brain, trying to go deeper and deeper to what's left of me and clasp its nasty teeth on it until I'm one of theirs.”

Your head fell into one of your hands, pinching the bridge of your nose as if that would bring any relief.

“How many quests will it take ? How many more enemies will we have to bring down for there to only be one remaining to end ?” Your chin rested on your palm, eyes once again on the city and the multitude of problems it would single-handedly bring.

Karlach was silent for a moment, but you could feel her gaze on your profile.

“Didn't know this had you all so worked up, little one,” she said, giving you a gentle nudge. “But get it this way: do you know how long some of our champs have been waiting for an opportunity like this to happen?”

Your eyes found the floor, for you felt very stupid. It was probably true, the opportunity of a lifetime, to put down the past once and for all and move on. If you had never been so close to ending your most important objective, it was the same for them.

Some of them had waited years, decades, some even centuries, to even get close to what they wanted most in the world. Who wouldn't want to tick every box on their list of the most extreme things to do when they were all dangerously close to death's door? Who wouldn't seize the opportunity to act and finish off whatever bitterness still resided in their hearts and wish a complete farewell to what had tormented them so much?

Karlach came and took hold of your chin to turn your face towards hers, her gaze full of gentleness.

“Don't be mad at them for shooting their shot, they've been weaponless long enough.”

You grabbed her wrist, bringing her warm palm against your cheek as you sighed at ease.

You knew who was waiting for you in town, who she had to see, who she had to kill. Gortash was on Karlach's list, and therefore on yours. Your eyes rested on Karlach's chest, the orange glow of her heart beating through her ribs and over pouring on the black of her bra.

One look at that contraption was enough to make your own veins boil. Karlach had her revenge too, and you weren't going to stop her getting it.

“If you were on the edge of death’s cliff, wouldn’t you want to get all the things you didn’t have the courage to do before standing on it ?”

You felt her hand on your back, gently rubbing it. You knew how getting closer to death made people want to be alive more than ever, and you couldn’t take that away from them. Not when you wanted to pass every last minute with Karlach, not when you wanted her to find relief in the death of her tormentor, not when you wanted to do anything other than fight.

“You're right, love,” you smiled, winning her eyes, “there's been so many things to think about lately and all I want is for all of you to come back out of this in one piece.” You sighed, kissing her palm before pressing your cheek against it again. “It's my priority to keep you all alive.”

She smiled, and all your worries seemed to vanish like a dandelion scattering in the air. She placed a kiss on the tip of your nose, pressing her forehead against yours.

“I promise you we will outlive this, okay?”

You didn't feel any destructive heat from Karlach. So much had been done with her flames to make them violent, starving them and letting them devour everything in their path. From the inferno, you felt only a soft, comforting, free warmth.

“Okay.”

Karlach came and placed a kiss on your forehead, holding you close. No matter what happened, you would do everything you could to allow everyone to do what they had to do, each step bringing you a little closer to an end, victorious or not.

[readychilledwine]

The Craft

Summary - Nesta has always told you that magic works best when you're naked, and who were you to tell Nesta that's not exactly how things work?

Warning - NSFW, foursome, f on f sexual acts, oral, fingering, brief orgasm denial, scissoring/tribbing, voyeurism

A/N - Every so often, I write something that makes me have to take a cold shower. This is one of those times. Also, please note reader's protection of Gwyn while also allowing her to explore and play. It is probably my favorite aspect of this one. I think I caught all my errors, but you know, forgive me if I didn't.

"Nesta, that's not really how that works," You sat back in your office chair, eyes on the spell idea Nesta had. "I mean, yes sex magic can be used for manifestation of goals, but it doesn't require multiple people. It can be done through just masterbation."

She rolled her eyes slightly. "Well, we'd like you to lead us through it, and we both know magic works best when naked."

You put the paper down, looking at her with a serious expression, "Ness, we've talked about this."

"Oh, come on," Nesta sighed. She moved in front of you, spinning your chair so she could kneel between your legs and squeeze your thigh. "Please. It will be so much fun. We've wanted to have you lead us through something for a while, and Gwyn will not be involved if you aren't there. It's too dangerous." Nesta used her hands to make quotations over the last two words.

"Are we actually wanting this to work?"

Nesta nodded eagerly. "We really want these Pegasi."

"I'll need to adjust some things, and we should wait until a full moon. It's better for power amplification."

Nesta smiled, hugging you tightly. "So Hallows Eve?" You nodded. "Won't that be?"

"More dangerous? Potentially. You know we could just buy them, right?"

Nesta smirked. "I want Helion to spell blinded he gifts them to us."

You had spent the next two weeks preparing everything needed for the Valkyries. Now it was the night of, and you were cleansing the space to ensure everything would be safe.

Emerie was the first to come, dressed in a silky black robe with her long dark hair down. She squealed and hugged you, bouncing slightly with her excitement. "I'm so excited you agreed to come! I miss you! I never see you anymore. That jerk keeps you locked away all the time now."

You smiled softly, holding her elbows, and you two pulled away slightly, "I miss you too, Em. I'm sorry I've been so busy, but I'm on the brink of something really important to Rhys."

Emerie rose a brow at you, "So it has nothing to do with a budding romance you could spill all the juicy details for?"

"No, Em."

She sighed heavily walking towards the table you had set up of herbs and candles. "Are we going to get Gwyn her Pegasus tonight?"

You chuckled and went back to setting up the room. "I was told the goal was getting all 3 of you one. Had I known it was mainly Gwyn, I would have just told Az and Cassian to go talk to Helion and make him an offer."

"I do not think my mate could offer Helion what he wants without my permission." Nesta moved into the room, smiling as she took in what you had done. "This is so much better than I imagined."

You could count on a single hand the amount of times Nesta had worn her sandy blonde hair down, and it always took your breath away for a second. She was in the same silky black robe, only unlike Emerie, hers was tied loosely, leaving the top to give a constant peep at the soft exposed skin of her chest.

You refocused quickly, ignoring the growing excitement of what was coming. "Where is Gwyn? Is she actually okay with this?"

Ness and Emerie nodded. "She knows you will have done with in a way that respects her values and her devotion to the Mother," Nesta said plainly.

You looked at her. "I meant the sex part, Nesta."

Emerie nodded. "She's excited to have her first experience since the attack to be with 3 fae who love her. I figured I'd take Gwyn and you and Ness could-" She paused at the look on your face. "This isn't really a we get to pick thing, is it?"

"Not really," you said softly. "We won't lose so much control that it turns into us doing things we would not do with a clear mind." You placed the final candle and began moving the flowers throughout the room. "But this is going to turn into a slightly magic induced fog. It's similar to sex pollen."

A very soft "Oh," came from the doorway. Gwyn stood in her black robe, rocking back and forth.

You walked to her, taking her hand gently in your. "You don't have to touch us, we don't have to touch you. You can partake solo." She nodded, her shoulders relaxing. "You can start solo, then join as well once you are comfortable."

Gwyn looked up at you with those crystalline blue eyes, and you tucked her red hair behind her ear. "Do it for the pegasus," she said softly.

"Do it for you," Nesta corrected. Her and Emerie joined you and Gwyn. "Y/n built in a fail safe for you.

You handed her the potion bottle, "You throw it if you get uncomfortable, it will safely cancel everything out." Her soft hands held yours and she took a deep breath.

"I'm ready."

You stepped back as you finished incantation, protecting Gwyn slightly. As the magic had started setting in, it was clear to you Nesta would be the first to jump.

And you were not wrong. You gently sat Gwyn in a chair, ignoring your urge and the growing scent of her arousal as you two watched Nesta grab Emerie by her chin and start kissing her deeply.

The two were a mess of teeth, nipping lightly at each other's lips, tongues battling for dominance as they ripped each other's robes off and their hands began exploring.

Gwyn's breathing had picked up lightly and she shifted, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

Nesta's mouth began exploring every gorgeous tanned inch of Emerie's smooth skin, she pulled her dark hair, tilting her head back to give her access to more of Emerie's neck as she kissed and bit her way down, marking the illyrian female in the process. She took her time when she reached her breasts. Caressing each one in her hands as if they were the most precious thing she had held in her hands. She kissed each nipple before pulling the right one into her mouth.

Emerie moaned loudly, back arching into Nesta as her hands went into that soft sand blonde hair. You watched as Gwyn's breath hitched, her mouth parting slightly, and her eyes growing wide as her arousal grew. You leaned down to her ear, placing a small kiss below it and testing the waters, "Are you having fun my little nymph?" She nodded eagerly. "What would you like to do, Gwyn?"

"Touch me," she whispered breathlessly. "Please."

"Such a polite little thing," you stayed behind her. "Don't stop watching Nesta and Em." She nodded, breathing picking up again as you undid the tie on her robe. You brought the tie around the chair, and then her arms, binding her wrists behind her back. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," she almost whined. You watched Nesta from you lashes as you began kissing Gwyn's neck. She had moved down Emerie's body, now licking the flat plane of her abs and nipping at her ribs. Your hands dancing, along Gwyn's following that motion and making the redhead mewl softly.

Nesta's eyes darted over at the noise and grew darker at the sight of Gwyn with her hands behind her back and your fingers following the pathway of her mouth. "Look at our girl, Em," Ness instructed. "Look at how pretty our little Gwyn looks."

Em tilted her head, lust filled eyes locking into Gwyn's, "So pretty." Nesta hummed in approval, mouth lingering above the core of the female standing in front of her. "Ness, please."

You and Nesta held eye contact, and with a small nod, began your separate attacks. Emerie screamed when Nesta licked up her core, locking her clit in her mouth and began to suckle and eat her out as if this was her last meal.

At the same time, Gwyn cried to the Mother, your fingers pressing down on her clit, circling the bundle of nerves as you moaned at how wet she felt. She began to squirm slightly, panting heavily as you continued. You ran your fingers along her, gathering wetness before gently pushing one into her tight entrance. "Y/n! Oh gods," you smiled, tilting her head up to look at you as you began to fuck her soft walls curling that one finger up.

You knew immediately when you found it. Her mouth parted, forming a small "O" before a loud whimper and moan tore through her throat. "There it is," you added a second finger, massaging and thrusting them in and out, hitting that soft spot every time. Your thumb went to her bundle of nerves again, stroking it softly in time with your movements. "Doing such a good job, little nymph." She whimpered again at your praise. "Watch Nesta." You released her hair, second hand coming to play with her nipples and adding stimulation.

The room was mix of Em and Gwyn's moaning along with the sounds of wetness. "Please," Emerie whispered. "Nesta please!"

Lady Death smirked ferally, releasing Emerie's clit and slowing her fingers, "Please what, Em?"

The illyrian female whimpered back arched as she rolled her hips to get that friction back, riding Nesta's hand eagerly. "She needs to cum, Ness." You purred softly. "They both do." Gwyn's cunt clenched around your fingers at the sentence, a soft whine and nod coming from her. "What do you think, Ness? Should we let them? They've been such good girls."

Emerie whined at the praise this time and Nesta hummed. "No," she said. "Not yet." She pulled away from Emerie, and you kissed Gwyn's cheek softly before pulling away. "Where's the bottle, Gwyn?" You whispered softly to her alone.

"Robe pocket."

"Are you okay?" She nodded. "Do you want more?" She nodded eagerly again.

Nesta had gently brought Emerie to her knees, hand holding her hair as she walked her over to Gwyn and set her between her legs. You moved back behind Gwyn, holding her thighs open for Emerie and smiling at her. "I love when my pets play nicely," you watched as Nesta guided Emerie to Gwyn's soaked and waiting cunt before taking a spot behind her and fingering her again.

Gwyn's head fell back, her back arching as the sound of Emerie sucking on her cunt filled the room. "Uh-uh," you grabbed her hair gently, tilting her head back down, "be polite and maintain eye contact."

Gwyn couldn't help herself as she began to ride Emerie's face, slightly drooling as she lost herself in the new sensation and stimulation. Emerie reached behind her, grabbing the plush skin of Gwyn's ass and moaning as she began to control her hips movements.

You could have cum from the sight of this alone. Nesta holding Em in place, Gwyn with a red flush covering her chest as you pinched and played with her nipples and Emerie ate her out. "She's going to cum," you said softly. "Are you going to cum little angel? Soak Emerie's pretty face?" Gwyn nodded and moaned out Emerie's name. "Cum for us, baby."

Gwyn screamed, back arching off the chair and her legs locking behind Emerie to lock her in as she rode out her high. The faint sound of wetness increased and Emerie groaned loudly, diving in with even more energy as she lapped and drank everything Gwyn gave her.

You released her breasts, whispering and praising her through her high until her moans became soft whimpers and she released Emerie. Nesta pulled her back, gasping as she released Emerie was now soaked in Gwyn's essence and release. "Do you want to keep going," you kissed Gwyn's ear. "Or do you just want to watch?"

"More." You untied her hands, watching as Nesta lowered Em to the ground, licking her clean of the mess Gwyn had made.

"Help clean her," you commanded. "Such a messy girl." Gwyn crawled to her, licking up the juices she left on Emerie. You grabbed Nesta by her hair, making her moan loudly, and dragged her to Emerie's face. "Turn towards Gwyn and straddle our pretty bat." Nesta obeyed, placing her dripping core above Emerie's open mouth and waiting. "Little nymph, surely you learned what you need to give our girl?" She nodded, moving down so her face was at Emerie's core. Her blue eyes met your hazel ones, begging for approval, and you nodded at her, pushing Nesta down on Emerie at the same time. You sat in the chair, leaned forward with your elbows on your knees as you watched the three of them putting on a show just for you.

They were a mess of slick, sweat, and moans. Enjoying each other immensely as you smirked. Emerie was screaming under Nesta, coming quickly from the amount of stimulation she had received, and forcing Nesta over the edge with her. Nesta was off of her, pulling Gwyn up and allowing the two of them to begin to kiss and play with each other as she moved to you.

You moved the sweat soaked hair from her face. "Yes babygirl?" She pulled on your calves, begging you silently to come down to the floor. "Did you need something?"

"You," she begged. "Please."

You hummed, sitting on the floor in front of her. "Did you want me to fuck you, Ness?" She nodded eagerly, spreading her legs for you and laying back. "What a pretty cunt," you whispered and leaned forward to touch her soft folds. You pulled your fingers to your mouth, tasting her. You removed your own robe, wings flaring slightly behind you, before grabbing one of her long legs and placing it over your shoulder as you straddled the other one. You gently ground your core against hers, testing the waters and moaning as your clits made contact.

Nesta leaned up, watching as you did it again, sending electricity through both of you. You set a rhythmic pace, circling and rolling your hips against her, head thrown back in bliss as you two moaned in sync.

You could tell Nesta was close, and you were as well from watching everything and finally finding relief. Her nails had started digging into your hips, her back arching slightly. "Don't stop, don't stop." She was panting and begging, her eyes squeezed shut. "Fuck! Please! Gods please."

Your rhythm became slightly sloppy, breathy moans leaving you as your walls tightened around nothing. Nesta went first, coming at the same time another scream of pleasure came from Gwyn. The two of them falling into a loud harmony. You and Emerie fell over the edge next, you eyes rolling as you moaned and squeezed Nesta's thigh, soaking her cunt with yours.

You lowered her legs and leaned forward on your hands, watching as the spell candle went out on its own and feeling the slight haze it gave begin to fade.

The four of you laid down on the floor, all panting and breathing heavily. Gwyn snuggled into your side, head coming to rest on your shoulder as you stroked her hair. "I'm really proud of you, little nymph." Emerie quickly copied the sentiment, as did Nesta. "How are you feeling?"

Gwyn snuggled further into your shoulder, "Like I've earned a pegasus."

You smiled up at the ceiling, knowing that you had already made a deal with Helion to get your favorite valkyries the winged horses for Solstice long before Nesta had ever approached you with this idea. "I think you have as well, darling. We should close the circle and go eat."

Emerie moaned in agreement, "Azriel and Cassian were in charge of dinner tonight."

Nesta perked up at that, "Then we really have to go eat!"

You waited as they stood, leaving the room with their robes. "Gwyn," you said softly.

"Y/n?"

"I really am very proud of you. This was a scary situation you entered, and you did so well."

She smiled into your neck. "I enjoyed myself a lot."

"Good," you kissed her forehead, "That was my main goal. Go eat while I close this."

She stood, leaving you to your work room and close the circle. You felt your eyes glaze over, reaching Helion through the contact bond. Hello dove, he purred to you. How was your night?

Eventful. Are we still set for the pegasus exchange?

You heard him laugh in your mind. Of course, dear. I get to study your wings and have you, your little valkyrie get their mounts.

Perfect. Solstice, then?

Solstice, He agreed.

[thegildedbee]

:: January 3 :: Selection for Week 1 of 2025 :: 🐝 "the sign of four" (1890) from the daily sherlock holmes: a year of quotes*🖊️

"My mind," he said, "rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. I can dispense then with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation. That is why I have chosen my own particular profession, or rather created it, for I am the only one in the world." "The only unofficial detective?" I said, raising my eyebrows. "The only unofficial consulting detective," he answered. "I am the last and highest court of appeal in detection."

The quotation for January 3 in Week 1 contains Holmes's celebrated description of his self-created profession -- auspiciously apt as a starting point for me :-) But I was especially struck by how the passage, as excerpted in The Daily Sherlock Holmes, ends with the assertion that he is "the last and highest court of appeal in detection." I'd forgotten this claim from the original -- perhaps because, for a good while now, my primary frame of reference for Holmesian lore is BBC Sherlock -- and the series sidesteps offering an explicit statement of the "court of appeal" perspective.

What is foregrounded in BBCS is the next thought from the original chapter (which isn't included in the January 3 quotation): that when the police "are out of their depths — which, by the way, is their normal state — the matter is laid before me." What BBCS eschews and retains in its presentation thus sharpens the image of Sherlock as arrogant. The two observations aren't equivalent in triangulating Sherlock-as-consulting-detective, especially as the former one places Holmes in relation to people in jeopardy or in harm's way collaterally -- individuals in specific circumstances, not mere abstractions. There are so many possible nuances for the reasons behind why a court of appeal is needed in investigations. One is certainly Sherlock's belief that he is singular, and quite confident that it should be thus; but it also conveys the need for advocacy as a reparative force, in the face of institutional indifference or the weighting of societal norms to favor those with power. Consulting detectiveness isn't simply puzzle-solving in the service of self-interested expedience, conducted by an uncaring discriminator of fact (a "high-functioning sociopath"). The "court of appeal" concept does finally appear in BBCS, at the very end of the third episode of the thematically erratic fourth series -- although the words are spoken by Mary, in the valedictory soliloquy that was gifted to her character, toward whatever end it was supposed to achieve. Unlike ACD canon, then, it arrives as something of an afterthought.

.................................................................

[*Levi Stahl and Stacey Shintani, eds., U of Chicago Pr, 2019 ]

[centrally-unplanned]

I played some Victoria 2 today (a Japan campaign ofc, and admittedly with the Historical Flavor Mod), to sort of reflect on it in relation to Vicky 3. It is rough going back to the economy of Vicky 2 after playing 3, let me tell you - you knew intellectually it was "bad" system before, but you loved it anyway because of the full package. But now you can see the alternatives and remove the quotations, it is just bad! Building an ammunition factory that requires sulfur, having domestic RGO sources for sulfur but they are not producing enough to supply even one factory, and just not being able to do anything about it that isn't drastic or long-term because the world market is feeling fucky today is unacceptable once you have played a game where that isn't true. My industrialization strat should not waffle between "build a railroad for a 5% bump in output" and "invade Indonesia", give me a middle ground here guys! And it does not stop there - capitalists are useless, "build factory on RGO and expand forever" is optimal 99% of the time, key technologies will like double your output making them forced decisions, etc.

And, if you are can't build factories because you aren't civlizied yet...you have no econ game at all. You just do virtually nothing. Now that you see how that isn't required, the mechanics are ruthlessly bad in key ways.

But! But but but! I think Vicky 2 is a still a better game. The funny thing about that "I don't have enough sulfur" thing is that I didn't even care. I built the factory "for the future", subsidized it, it outputted zero bullets, and I barely notice because you make so much money anyway you can generally ignore it. I build the factories primarily so I can have clerks staffing them and generating research points! Is that insane game design? Yeah, it is! But it is insane game design that doesn't get in the way. Nothing stops me from building a factory, it just isn't very good. Wanna build a huge military? Encourage some soldiers with your national focuses and go to town. Want to declare war on someone? You can just do that! And then I take the army I built, click it on enemy, and it fights them - revolutionary new approaches to game design folks.

Even politics, where Vicky 2 definitely does get in the way a lot and is actively not-good, it is at least more permissive and more importantly simple. If you have elections you get events to shift voter ideology, and national focuses to boost party support that work exactly the way you would expect. If you are autocratic you can just swap who is in power! Liberals support political reforms, socialists support economic reforms, if you have a majority support for a law click a button and it passes. Done. Putting socialists in power in 1870 Japan might result in a revolution, sure, but it works, you can try it, and try to beat the militant tide.

Meanwhile in Vicky 3 if you are autocratic putting a "minority" faction in power literally breaks your government and prevents you from passing any laws. You can technically do it but you just die immediately. Wanna build a coalition then, where conservatives & agrarians ally together? You technically can again, but the penalty for "non-compatible" coalition partners is so high it 90% of the time crashes you into 0 anyway. So you have the "option" of switching parties, but...you can't. You just have to appoint the landowners every time or you die. So what is the point? Why have the option? Let me play the game!! Let me try reforming things and face a revolution I have 40% odds of losing to! That sounds fun, why are you rigging the game against that?

I tried an Iran run in Vicky 3 earlier, and I had a revolution against the landlords, who had ~50% of the "faction" points in government. I won, and so their points got knocked down to ~0%, how that works. So I made a new government, right? Well, no! Every faction left was "incompatible" with each other and none of them alone could even muster like 30%. I had literally no government capable of passing laws. So I fucking quit the game? Because this was the product of winning a revolution, why would I continue?

In Vicky 2 fascists win a revolution and they coup the government and it's fascist now. You get the fascist laws and can pass reforms they like. There ya go. Done. Is it interesting? No, not really. But it works! It doesn't literally stop you from playing the game.

My Japan game actually started as Satsuma, since in HPM Tokugawa Japan is split into substate Daimyo. I modernized via encouraging intellectuals, took military & railroad reforms, built a modern land army, and built up relations with the other domains. I launched the Meiji Restoration, got 60% of the Daimyo on my side, won the civil war. Began building factories everywhere, built up my industry, built up my research output. Used the new tech & money to build a larger army, fought the Qing in a tough war but got Korea & Taiwan, allied with the UK & built up a steamer industry to get a modern navy. Then Russia got into a crisis with Greece and so the UK and I backed Greece and broke Russia, with me claiming some territories around Manchuria in the process. Later I invaded China proper to annex Manchuria itself and get some treaty ports, easily now because my military was much more advanced. From all that my infamy was high so I coasted into the endgame and pivoted to culture techs to trigger "decisions" around modernizing Japan that gave me bonuses while having nice historical flavor to them.

And generally the game just didn't get in my way on doing all that. I could "tell the story", which for an easy game like Vicky is normally what you are here to do. Vicky 3 is a much better economy simulator, but telling the story beyond that is such a chore, and often impossible. On politics, diplomacy, and especially military, it is philosophically a step backwards such that its more "developed" mechanics cannot compensate for the mistake.

(I think it is funny how much better a gameplay experience the "narrative via decisions" of Vicky 2 w/ HPM is. They give flavor to the nations with a ton of bespoke, scripted events. Which...just works because they are straightforward. Vicky 3 wants to be "emergent" and so limited such events, but missed the forest for the trees there)

I find this sad because honestly there is a "blended" version of these two games that is amazing. Vicky 3's econ system (with tweaks ofc like making trade valuable) and philosophical commitment to minimal military micro (SO finicky in Vicky 2 to replenish armies where individual brigades die off, ugh), with a system that understood storytelling is first. Let players do things, and then give them consequences that are manageable in response. Get out of the way of the stories your sandbox game is built to tell.

[nepheia]

01 ∙ preface: "the thousand-faced senior, xiao zhan"

[ ✼ part 1 of the self is not me, but us series ]

i first heard this phrase super recently when i sat down to watch xz's pd101 episode in full, and was genuinely surprised i hadn't seen it around more often. because i think if there was ever a phrase that perfectly encapsulated xz, this would be it.

there is always a negative connotation attached to "two-faced" or "many-faced", and honestly "thousand-faced" comes across as a neutral, untouchable sort of mysterious at best. but i think xz is living proof that that isn't always the case, and maybe we're all looking at these words in too shallow a way.

he's a top Serious Film Actor and also a sought-after (ex-idol-)singer, which sometimes people can't reconcile, for whatever reason. he moves luxury fashion stuff worth many months of rent just as quickly as he does everyday home appliances that you and i can use.

but that's not what i mean.

❝ there have been two xiao zhans for a long time. one of them is here, and that is me. there is another xiao zhan, a xiao zhan in quotation marks, but he may not be me anymore. we all work for him, including myself. ❞ — the cover story | xiao zhan: rift, esquire

what i mean is that xz has always been so fascinating because he is a study in internal multiplicities. he's never made secret his compartmentalisation between his public and private selves, and even those two halves are splintered into so many more parts that aren't so cleanly cut.

in the same breath, xz can be both gentle and ambitious. humble and confident. "i go with the flow" and terribly perfectionist. honest and guileless, deliberate and calculating. considerate and ruthless. takes good care of himself, while also being incredibly demanding of himself.

he wants both, wants them all, and i like him for wanting it all. i want him to want it all. he isn't "our king can do no wrong!" because what does it mean to be 'right'? what does it mean to be this one 'perfect' person?

xz previously gave us a glimpse into his answer:

⋆

→ next ┊ part 2: the self is not me, but us

[tree-obsession]

Aventurine, the Waste Land, the black hole, and luck- analysis on aventurine's possible fate

possible spoilers for 2.1 trailblaze mission

possible tws for suicide/suicidal idealization, mentions of slavery, and a massacre

ok there is. a lot to unpack for this mission but I would like to focus on the references to The Waste Land (by T.S. Elliot, fucking amazing poem btw) that were in Aventurine's parts?

First of all the achievements- the "Sibyl, what do you wish for?" and "She answers, I wish to die" or something like that. That is the very first thing in the poem we see- to put a long story short, it's a reference to how there was this oracle named Sibyl in Greek Mythology, blessed to live forever by Apollo. Apollo got angry after she refused to have sex with him and cursed her so that while she would live forever, her body would slowly waste away, eventually becoming dust kept in a jar. A couple of boys one day come up to this prison jar and ask her "Sibyl, what do you wish for?" and then she answers that she wants to die. This could be a reference to Aventurine, who is always so lucky but at that moment truly didn't wish to be lucky, and really did want to die. Yet he was stuck, unable to live- considering he is something of a "chosen" of Gaiathra Triclops, she could be the one who cursed him, in disguise of a "blessing" of good luck.

second, the maze scene. there were two references here, both from the fifth(fourth? it's been a hot minute since I read this poem, the details aren't all clear) part of the poem. it talks about a deserted waste land, where rain never falls, there is only lightning and rocks/sand. this matches up with descriptions of sigonia, as a desert planet that's referred to as "the unclaimed desolation", and also some of those lines are directly said in the white text that floated around the maze(which i'll be referring to as floating text from now on). the second reference was also in the floating text, which talks about how "there is another presence/person beside us", or something very similar. I don't have the direct quotation, but this is also a direct reference- within the poem, there are two travelers in this "waste land", and the narrator mentions feeling a presence that wasn't truly there. According to Elliot himself, his inspiration for this part of the poem was from an account of an Antarctic journey, where the person who wrote the account said he and his men were so out of it due to exhaustion they had begun to hallucinate another presence who wasn't actually there. this is probably referencing how mini-aventurine and present-aventurine both exist, and have existed, but the future-aventurine technically does not exist yet and literally is just popping up, clearly not "real" in the physical sense but definitely there. within the poem, there are a lot of speculations between scholars about why Eliiot decided to add this hallucinated dude in but one popular theory is that it's Christ, in disguise, which is really interesting considering The Family's Christian imagery. something to watch out for when Aventurine returns to the story (he def isn't dead, but as to when he's returning... :( i can't get my hopes up) or if anyone else analyzes this more deeply.

now, why the waste land? it's universally considered a pretty depressing poem, about how the world after World War I was torn apart and collapsing in on itself, and portrays a lot of characters who aren't living life to their fullest at all. it references many famous texts and literary works, pointing at literature as an amalgamation of all other literature and also acting as a metaphor for how everything builds off each other, so one thing collapsing could result in everything collapsing. there are a lot of references to different religions as well. perhaps the best way to put it is that Elliot was portraying a world under threat of total collapse, and asks the reader if there is anything humanity can do to save it, or if we must simply salvage what we can. the ending also implies peace is a far-off, perhaps unreachable thing since everything is so discordant. but you get the idea at this point- the poem is about decay and rotting over time. I don't have the greatest grasp on either this poem or aventurine's psyche, but the 2.1 quest revealed a lot- he is an incredibly lucky person who is in a lot of bad situations but gets out every time, and has never lost a bet (despite his life otherwise being absolutely terrible). the waste land itself could simply be sigonia, and then perhaps aventurine himself is a representation of the characters within the poem. practically all scholars agree that in this poem, all the female characters coalesce into one character, and the male characters do so too, and then there is one uniting character between the "male" and "female"- tiresias, who according to Elliot has "foreseen and foresuffered all". he is described as the most important figure in the poem by Elliot himself. Tiresias is an androgynous figure, but is referred to with he/his. he also is the only one to say "I" in the poem, and despite the fact he is blind he can see all, even the future- in mythology, he was a prophet like the Sibyl. "what Tiresias sees is, in fact, the substance of the poem", as Elliot says- in other words, what he sees seems to be the closest thing to the truth you will get.

now obviously that's pretty valuable, considering literally everyone is lying in penacony (in the livestream they said the entire guest list is filled with question marks in place of names, implying everyone's identities there were fake- other than Sparkle's, but she's a Masked Fool and will trick people just for the hell of it, so not exactly the best ally). however (this is where speculation starts) I think this could be possibly very subtle foreshadowing for Aven's return! and I know this may sound delusional but. it's established he's not dead. his stone is out, but that's quite possibly because he's next to a fricking black hole and also Acheron possibly had "freed" him, in some sense? that conversation he had with her obviously changed a lot of things for him as a character, and she said she could break the harmony's bonds on him... also, clearly if he wasn't dead while waking up next to a black hole, that's certainly a surefire way to tell his luck hasn't run out yet. the entire mission was spent establishing his luck is perfect, given by the goddess of his planet, and will never fail him. this is like near emanator-level shit- obviously not quite in terms of any special power, but he was specifically chosen by this goddess, was born on a special day, and due to sheer luck is the last one standing of his clan (apparently). literally everything was set up against him and he's only still alive due to a literal goddess-given power, which is absolutely nuts and almost overpowered if it weren't for the fact that he also seems to be in many scenarios where luck and gambling is the only way to get out at all. the massacre, the enslavement, killing his old master, the weird warlord thing that got brought up, penacony... his luck is purely for getting out of bad situations, it seems.

that was kind of a tangent. anyway! the whole mission was establishing how good his luck was. he got into this situation where the only solution is to walk into a black hole and see the other side of penacony- that is a classic example of "there is an extremely, extremely narrow chance of getting out alive". acheron did it, or something similar, so clearly it's possible- but luck and chance would be the only way. this is the cycle of his life- he's in an absolutely shitty situation, but he will get out due to luck. imo it's a terrible idea writing-wise to keep him explicitly alive up to the very end and going into a situation- alive- which he can survive in due to his luck, right after giving him fulfilling conversation with both acheron and his past self and seeing the uplifting note from Ratio... just to offscreen him, or kill him for some reason related to this "other side of penacony". it wouldn't line up with all that we know about him now. granted, I can't imagine it'll be pleasant and his mental state will be even worse at the end of it... but he'll be alive, and he's made it through a lot of hellish situations. he might not like his luck all the time, and it can be either a blessing or a curse given the scenario, but he's kind of stuck with it- until he withers away, just like Sibyl. Death does seem to be inevitable, but as of right now it's not knocking on his door.

tldr: for now, our boy isn't dead and his luck might be a curse to him but it's clearly going to keep him alive for quite a bit longer :)

tysm for reading and have a nice day!