#quinlan vos should have given his life for ventress

[jacquelinemerritt]

Being a Transgender Nerd

Originally posted December 28th, 2015

Unpacking the male dominated culture of nerds from a trans woman’s perspective.

I have been a nerd all of my life.

That’s a statement I can’t see anyone objecting to. If you’ve met me, then it’s pretty obvious how nerdy I am; I’m arguably the biggest fan of Star Wars among anyone I know, I’ve spent a significant portion of my life obsessing over videogames (my favorites being Zelda and Metal Gear Solid), and I run a blog devoted to critically analyzing the abridged version of a popular anime. To put it simply, I have more nerd cred than I know what to do with, and I’ve loved investing myself in nerddom since I was a little kid.

I have also been a woman all of my life.

That statement, unlike the first, carries a small amount of potential controversy with it, given that I am a transgender woman (it’s thankfully much less dangerous a statement than it used to be, as our culture has becoming more understanding and accepting of trans people).

And to the benefit of those who would argue against my womanhood, I have not known all of my life that I was, in fact, a woman. This experience of growing up not knowing my true gender and assuming that I was a man has left me with a unique experience, and as a result, I have gained a deeper understanding of the way one’s gender affects their experience within nerd culture.

The hold that straight white men have upon the role of the protagonist is one of the things I noticed earliest. This however, did not help me understand my gender identity; it reinforced the idea that women were inferior, even though that idea wasn’t something I ever directly vocalized.

Of course, I still found myself drawn to the few female characters there were, and Asajj Ventress, a minor character from the Star Wars expanded universe, particularly caught my attention, as I could feel a lot of empathy for a woman whose troubled past had led her to embrace the Dark Side of the Force.

I quickly found myself rather obsessed with her, and I poured over every bit of media containing her that I could get my hands on, even when her lack of significance outside of the Clone Wars animated miniseries meant that most of that obsession was spent rereading her entry on the Star Wars “Databank*.”

Looking back, I see that that obsession rose not only out of a love for Ventress’ character, but out of a dire need to see women I could relate to in the media that I loved. Now, given the complex environment that I grew up in, it is unlikely that the inclusion of more women in Star Wars would have helped me understand my gender identity earlier (though honestly, who’s to say what could’ve helped), but I can safely say that the inclusion of more women would have helped me feel even more like the Star Wars universe belonged to me.

And while I don’t spend as much time obsessing over Asajj Ventress as I used to, thanks to “Star Wars: The Clone Wars,” she and the Star Wars universe have grown up about as much I have; where she used to be shown only as a tool of the men who would use her, she’s grown into a woman who abandons these men to live her own life, and is attempting to live a good life despite it the hold the Dark Side still has upon her. That version of Ventress, as it happens, is just the type of role model I needed back when I was a youngling.

*Back in the early 2000s, the official Star Wars website had a database of professionally written articles summarizing the history of each character and object present in the Star Wars universe. It was unfortunately discontinued a while back, but its spirit lives on through Wookieepedia.

[astheforcewillsit]

I think Ahsoka is a really great study of religious trauma from both the perspective of a woman/young girl and a child who's removed from their culture. And while I know there are fandom opinions as to whether or not fans should be projecting religious trauma onto the Jedi, I think those arguments should consider Ahsoka's arc given how well her story captures a member of a religious organization who's entire identity is stripped away from her by the organization.

And while there's no misogyny within the Order that exists, to viewers it's interesting to see how far the Jedi Order has gone for members who are men, such as Quinlan Vos vs. Ahsoka. And while they have their reasons for doing so, this is a trend often replicated in major religions in real life. Protecting the men in the Order, often the senior members, while failing to protect the women and the children, both of which Ahsoka is. Keeping in mind that the majority of the Jedi council are men (of their species).

Additionally, it captures the intricacies and difficulties of trying to piece together a life after leaving said religious organization, and the shame, confusion, and emotional turmoil that comes with that.

It's adds another interesting layer considering Ahsoka doesn't go back to her family or her culture (from what we've seen), because she essentially has no attachments to it because of the Jedi Order. She's been taught not to have attachments to it, and essentially there is nothing for her to return to.

Without the Order, she is isolated and left without connections (either familial or friendly).

Ahsoka's ordeal was so traumatizing that even with an invitation to come back, the Order's failure to acknowledge what the ordeal meant for her makes it impossible for her to return.

There is considerable psychological damage that gets in the way of her even wanting to be close to Anakin, who's arguably the only reason she didn't die.

I think what makes it worse is people close to Ahsoka do very little to support or stand up for her, outside of Anakin (though I do give Plo some leeway on this because Ahsoka worked with Ventress, who took out Wolffe's eye, and Wolffe was pissed. And Plo is known to care very much for his men).

And I think that's a really great example of what religious trauma looks like.

Ahsoka fits the bill, and it impacts her for the rest of her life. She is never the same.

On a side note, I've always liked Ahsoka better outside of the Order. At a time I used to cling onto the idea that she was a Jedi, but I think it's okay to understand that she was incredibly traumatized by them and thus deserves to be apart from them.

[meandmyechoes]

The more I think about Dark Disciple, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quintress, but I also just, can’t?

I mean, yes. It’s very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. But I also, don’t really see it in that ’omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them’ sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don’t really, actively ‘ship’ it — like the way it was an open book with Rhayme or Latts Razzi (since it’s the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quintress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask how much it is tainted with my personal view on relationships.

I know the plot leaves little room for “the future” and fed us well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don’t think their relationship is "weak", but it’s very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can’t really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that’s it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It’s just… I don’t really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it’s much more a physical attraction thing that I don’t really have personal experience with.

I don’t know if quintress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I’m quite disappointed Ventress wasn’t doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it’s deliciously written, there’s not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It’s a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she’s more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she’s gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. and surprise! Our “assassination” plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I’ve read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the conventional to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the “Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos”. Now, I can’t dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there’s no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic varied person to person from the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie Lucas’s foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there’s always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you’re willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that’s a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

Yesterday I’ve been thinking a bit more about this. I do love this ship, I just don’t believe they’d be two people who find each other again and again in every life time, in every universe. That’s why, as magnificent as fireworks, it also won’t last.

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quintress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obi-Satine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leave him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream.

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Jedi Order, I still have to do more reading on it from other sources to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj Ventress and Quinlan Vos. How would I define it?

Now this is as much as an exploration of how I view romantic relationships. Well, I’ve decided it wasn’t “love”, it was an “affair”. It was an affair because it’s a rush of passion, it’s a secret, it won’t last. Before I chop my own head off for bluntness, I mean it in, of course they are hopelessly in love with each other, that’s the exact premise of why it moved me so. But it wasn’t a complete relationship, wasn’t a healthy, sustainable one by any objective standards. Then, that’s the exact contradiction. Oh to throw caution in the wind with you, or to build a future with you?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quintress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

I’ve been so angry at all the red flags in this relationship. Reading this book, getting into both of their shoes, yelling NO like their best friends. But ultimately, what they had is unique to them and I can’t influence it in any way. Re-reading, I find myself holding myself back at all the places I was furious about going ‘You are smarter than this!’. Because it’s a tragedy, and the beautiful (I guess) thing is they chose each other.

The other day something on the dash inspired me to really think about ship dynamics. I, unashamedly admit, I’m VERY into Obi/Quin/Ventress in any and all combinations. *cough* I will not explain further.

I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes the contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. And I've been a canon apologist since forever. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

[26th April 16:00]

I must address that I got spoiled of the ending and the first and second half of the book probably went through some big changes.

If I cried for this book, it’s score would be even higher. And I’ve been so obsessed with discussing the relationship, without shedding light on the characterization, which is definitely an unfortunate side effect. Then it occurs that quite possibly the second half (26-42) deviated even further from the script than the first? It doesn’t have concept art or blocking, plus possibly (heavily) edited to omit correlation to other arcs. My major complaint for the second half is Ventress doesn’t do much and we know NOTHING about Vos, even though he is given screen time in the book. my, I just wish Ventress punch him harder and drag his idiotic mess back to the light sooner.

And to criticism about it being their ‘toxic’ relationship being portrayed as ‘true love’, well, it really depends on how thoughtful the reader is, right? I think if the reader is able to notice all these red flags and gave their own interpretation of the relationship and its outcome, it’d’ve been an educating experience. There’s what for the reader and what for the characters. They don’t know this ‘love’ is destroying them, and what kind of message is it sending? What ‘love’ depicted in the book is true then? I have my answers, and I hope every reader comes to their own as well.

[glare-gryphon]

May I put in a prompt? If you're totally burnt out on this verse, just ignore this. In the Negotiation-verse what would it be like if instead of the whole drugging and kidnapping business, they ended up sorting out the kiss and dating. Anakin has no idea his boyfriend is a serial killer. Could be serious, fluff, total crack or hell it could be Quin mocking Anakin about his hickies. I don't care.

This prompt has been sitting in my inbox for so long. I am almost ashamed.

Here u go.

Alternative

Negotiation-Verse

M/E, 2000 words.

A sharp rap at Anakin’s office door draws the detective’sattention away from the mountain of reports piled up on his desk. With no majorleads to chase at the moment, he’s been working on filling them out all morningand is grateful for whatever reprieve that the day can provide.

When he’d first become an officer, he couldn’t believe howmuch paperwork was involved in the day-to-day operations of a police station.He’d hated it then, and he still hates it now. Usually he tries to shove it offon Quinlan whenever he thinks he can get away with it, but Ventress has sweptVos away for some business conference she has to attend overseas and now Anakinis stuck catching up on both of their overdue reports. He supposes thatturnabout is fair play, no matter how much he would like to complain otherwise.

“Come in,” he calls, swiveling his office chair toward thedoor just in time for it to crack open, revealing one Coruscant Universityprofessor, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

“Is now a bad time?” Kenobi asks, leaning against thedoorframe with a wry smile on his lips, as though already predicting Anakin’sanswer.

“Never a bad time for you,” Anakin replies, moving files offhis desk in attempt to clear a place for Obi-Wan to sit while the other mancloses the door behind him. He doesn’t here the soft snick of the lock, caught up as he is in his work, but he doesnotice the smirk on Kenobi’s lips when the man settles into the space hecleared. “What brought you over this way, babe?”

Obi-Wan shrugs. “Had a class cancelled, and just wanted tosee you. I don’t need an excuse to do that, do I?”

“No, I suppose you don’t.”

Apparently satisfied, Obi-Wan turns his attention to thefiles on Anakin’s desk. While it is technically against the rules for Kenobi tobe thumbing through them as though they were magazines in the checkout lanes ofgrocery stores, Anakin doesn’t see any particular harm in it. His partner isdiscreet, and isn’t the type to go blabbing about the detective’s cases toanyone he knows. Not like their social life is particularly riveting anyways,with most of their friends connected to the police force by way of Anakin’semployment. Really, there was no one to gossip with who wasn’t already in theloop; while Obi-Wan was popular enough with his coworkers, he didn’t maintainany particularly close relationships with any of them.

“Why was your class cancelled?” Anakin asks as Obi-Wanshifts paperwork around, digging through them to find something that catcheshis interest. Most of what is on Anakin’s desk these days is common muggingsand break-ins. Tedious work, but essential toward keeping the generalpopulation of Coruscant safe. He sometimes thinks he would like something moreexciting, but the more rational part of him knows that there will plenty ofthat come the Christmas season. He should spend the off months luxuriating inpicking up petty thieves instead of internal organs.

A hum of satisfaction marks Obi-Wan having found somethinghe likes, and the man answers with his nose buried in the pages of the file.“Not enough students registered. Apparently my Survey of Shakespeare coursedoesn’t have quite the same draw as it used to.”

“Kids today have no respect for the classics,” Anakinreplies, not because he himself has any particular interest in the works of along-dead playwright, but because he knows Kenobi likes to grumble about thedecay of society and youths today.

Leaning over in his chair to get a view of the file hispartner is reading, Anakin is not particularly surprised to find the Negotiatorfile in the man’s hands once again. Since the start of their relationship, he’sshown a keen interest in following along with the case as Anakin attempts totrack down the most prolific serial killer prowling Coruscant’s streets. Thisis hardly uncommon; nearly everyone he’s ever met are curious about theNegotiator case, as high-profile as it is.

“Do you think you’re any closer to catching him?” Obi-Wanasks, drawing a picture from the disorder and holding it up to the light asthough to get a better look.

It’s of one of the latest cycle’s crime scenes, another ofAnakin’s not-quite brothers left brutalized and bared for the world to see. Thepattern has changed again, much to Anakin’s frustration. While before they knewthe Negotiator was luring his victims with sex, the seduction seems to havetrailed off entirely with his newest set of victims. In its place are drugs—thecheap kind, easy to get on the street and difficult to trace for their prolificnature—slipped into drinks at busy clubs with distracted bartenders.

The level of brutality in thesemurders had risen with the exclusion of sex, each victim bearing more of thebruising and evidence of assault only sporadically found in older victims. Thescenes themselves had changed as well, no longer as careful and precise as theyonce were. Not rushed, by any means, or sloppy. Not enough to leave evidencebehind. But Anakin, when he looked at the cuts and the gaping, open wounds,could tell that each one had not been given the same carefulconsideration they once might have received.

“Not really,” Anakin confesses, and Obi-Wan frowns as he draws another picturefrom the file. The Negotiator’s pattern had always been consistent, its onedrastic change clearly instigated by Anakin arrival on the case. What hadcaused this most recent change, he can’t quite figure out. There are a fewpieces, in the rush of his work, but they connect to nothing of significance.No events that Anakin can identify.

“Made a bit of a mess, didn’t it…” the man mutters distastefully, more to himselfthan to Anakin as he grimaces at the picture. It had been a mess, blood usuallydrained away left cool and tacky on the floor and of the county library. Limbshas been shelved neatly away with the books, the head and heart sitting on thelibrarian’s desk when police arrived. There was no note for Anakin, nor hadthere been one this whole cycle. He’s unsure whether or not this comes as arelief that the targeting has stopped, or as warning that his nemesis had begunto lose interest in their game.

“It was messier than usual.” Anakin informs his partner. “I told the guys—Ithink he had a workstation somewhere, and for whatever reason, he can’t getback to it as much anymore. He’s having to work on fly, and it’s not as cleanas it might have been otherwise,”

Obi-Wan hums thoughtfully, offering the younger man a wry smile as he replacesthe picture and sets the file aside. “Perhaps he has someone to go home to, atthe end of the night.”

Anakin chuckles at the jest. “Is there true love for serial killers?”

“There’s true love for anyone, if you look within the pages of literature,”Obi-Wan replies, leaning over to run his fingers through Anakin’s hair.“Princes and paupers, knights and beggars.”

Anakin doesn’t resist when his partner uses his grip on his hair to draw himover, leaning eagerly across the desk and into Obi-Wan’s space. “Cops andserial killers; you and me,” the man breathes, and pulls Anakin into a kissthat is anything but chaste.

Obi-Wan, he has come to find sincetheir initial encounter, is an excellent kisser. When they’re together, it’slike the world around them fades away, as cliché as it sounds. He never used tothink it a thing that could actually happen, but when it comes to Obi-Wan, hesupposes it makes sense. The man himself is almost a cliché at times, seeminglywalking straight out of Anakin’s teenage wet dreams. It’s easy to lose himselfin Kenobi—so much so that he almost doesn’t notice the man sliding off thedesk, shuffling around to where Anakin sits, until he’s upended from his chair.Until Kenobi is bending him over the flat of his desk, tugging his pants downand freeing Anakin’s achingly hard cock from the confines of his slacks.

Another cliché.

“You planned this,” Anakin accuses when he hears the distinctive sound of a capopening. He tries to turn around, but the hand at the base of skull, pinninghim to the desk, only presses harder to still the movement.

“More hoped than planned, really,” Obi-Wan replies calmly, even as Anakin bucksin surprise at the sensation of cool lube drizzled between his cheeks. “Iconfess that this has always been a fantasy of mine, and when you mentionedDetective Vos stepping out of the office for a few days, well… I am quite theopportunist, my dear.”

“You do know you’re supposed to discuss these things with your partner first,right?” Anakin grumbles, but still finds himself pressing back against theslick fingers that have begun to work him open. “What if somebody were to walkin? You’re not the only one in demand of my attention, you know.”

Obi-Wan curls his fingers in a way he knows Anakin likes, dragging a raggedmoan that the detective has to stifle with his fist when the man’s actions sendpleasure racing up his spine. “The door is locked; if you’re quiet, no one willever know what we’re up to.” He murmurs as leans forward, nipping at the shellof Anakin’s ear. His fingers slip from Anakin’s hole with a last stretch, thesound of a zipper being undone quickly following. “You can be quiet, can’t youdear? For me?”

Anakin nods rapidly; he can be good for Obi-Wan. As much as he’d protested, thethought of getting caught—or someone knowing—comes with an unexpected rush ofexcitement. He wouldn’t have thought himself and exhibitionist before Obi-Wancame along, but then, his new parter had proven himself talented in draggingparts of Anakin to the light that he hadn’t even known were tucked away.

“That’s a good boy.”

Breath coming in excited pants, Anakin adjusts his grip on the desk as Obi-Wanslicks himself up. He has to bite down on his lower lip as the man spreads hischeeks, the blunt head of his dick pressing up against Anakin’s stretched hole.The feeling of Obi-Wan pushing into him is a familiar sensation now, but heremembers what it was like the first time they made love. Remembers how nervoushe was, splayed out on the man’s bed. Remembers how gentle his partner hadbeen, as though Anakin would shatter if handled too roughly.

He is not always so gentle now, not that Anakin minds, and today is noexception. He gives Anakin time to adjust of course, aware of the length andgirth of his cock, but once Anakin pushes back against him in unspokenpermission, he quickly finds a pace that has the younger man’s hips biting intothe edge of the desk with every thrust, that keeps him pushing back and takingObi-Wan deeper simply to stop from sliding up into stacks of papers he hadn’tcleared aside when this encounter began.

One of Obi-Wan’s hands lays over his own as the man thrusts roughly into him,their fingers entwining, and Anakin realizes that his palm lays on the openNegotiator file that Obi-Wan had set aside. His eyes catch for a moment on thepale, bloodless faces of his unfortunate look-alikes, and something twisted inthe back of his mind wonders if they liked what the Negotiator gave them. Ifthey enjoyed being stretched and filled and taken the way he enjoys being underObi-Wan. If they regretted it in those moments before he killed them, or ifthey even had a chance to think about it.

When they’re done, clothes adjusted and Obi-Wan sweeping from the door with alast kiss goodbye, Anakin has to close the file and stow it away in a drawer ofthe desk he’d just been taken over. Must throw himself into the work despitethe lingering scents of sweat and sex, to keep his mind busy. Must think ofother things, despite the feeling of Obi-Wan’s cum leaking from him, because ifhe doesn’t, he can’t help but wonder what would happen if the Negotiator foundhim, and if he’d like it too.

[arielsojourner]

Part 19 of Luke and Vader Save the Galaxy by Time Travel. 

This has taken on a life of its own. How am I ever going to reach an end here?  I don’t even know where most of this came from.

Send help.

–Reports of Tatooine’s liberation and uprising are slow to spread to the mainstream media, though the holomedia boards and sites are full of stories and holosnaps being shared around by clones and other young sentients.  When news reaches Obi-Wan on Mandalore he groans because he knows, he just knows that Anakin is there. The very second he felt safe enough to leave Anakin, leave Naboo, his former Padawan decides to go haring off across the galaxy. Before Obi-Wan would have just let it go, but now he knows better.  He worries; Anakin is not invincible nor all powerful. He is battered, and worn, and he is tired, though he is still standing. Going back to his home planet, going back into danger so soon after everything may be too much for Anakin to bear. If it wasn’t for the knowledge that Captain Rex and the others have his back and that Luke is with them, Obi-Wan would already be on the first ship heading towards the Outer Rim. The Force tells him that he can wait and trust, that the clones will not leave Anakin alone and that Luke who has already done so much for Anakin and his family, will do his utmost to protect him.  

Of course when Satine tells him that she will be hosting a diplomatic entourage from the Separatist Alliance as part of the signing of the Reconstruction Accords and that his presence at the event has been requested, he seriously thinks about ignoring the Force’s direction and heading for Tatooine anyway.

When he sees who is leading the entourage he literally lets go of Satine’s arm and nearly bolts out of a window. The Duchess tries to grab him, but it is Quinlan Vos yelling Obi-Wan’s name that has him freezing guiltily, a few steps from freedom.

“Oh, let him run Quinlan,” Ventress practically purrs from beside Knight Vos. “I’ve missed the sight of Jedi running in fear since the war has stopped.”

Obi-Wan’s shoulders tighten and he whirls around. “As I recall, it was you who turns tail and run at the first hint of trouble.”

“Really? That’s not what I recall.”

“Then I suggest you seek medical attention for your spotty memory, my darling,” he snaps back at her.

“My darling?” Satine and Quinlan echo together. Obi-Wan flushes, kicking himself for forgetting he had an audience of someone other than Anakin. Quinlan looks ready to burst out laughing, his eyes dancing with the possibility of years of teasing. Satine looks unimpressed, her eyes flashing under her arched brows.

“Come, come,” Ventress says with a laugh. “You must allow the great Negotiator his little games.” She takes Quinlan’s arm. “You know him well, Quinlan. He only ever flirts with those he attacks. He saves his venom and his arguing for those he loves. Haven’t you seen the way he is with Skywalker?”

Quinlan is now snickering. “Does that mean you love me too, Obi-Wan?”

“Now look here, Anakin was my Padawan and he is happily–“ he bites his tongue before he says more, but it looks like it is too late. He runs a quick hand over his beard. Anakin is going to kill him!

“Happily, what?” Satine says, moving forward, having caught Obi-Wan’s slip. “Happily . . .  married? A Jedi married?”  

He wants to say no, of course not. Jedi don’t get married. Jedi are forbidden from marriage. Marriage is attachment. Attachment is forbidden. But, he sees hope in her eyes, burning like a candle and cannot bring himself to snuff it out.

But is it his secret to tell? He thinks of Anakin and Padme together, his former Padawan so lovesick Obi-Wan was frequently embarrassed on his behalf though Padme finds Anakin’s devotion adorable. He thinks about the fact that while he and the Order didn’t realize that Anakin was more than just visibly partial to Padme (and given how obvious it was it is a miracle the Sith Master hadn’t wiped out the Order years ago for their obliviousness!), most of the 501st and the 212th knew. When they had left Coruscant on the Dauntless, the clones traveling with them didn’t blink an eye at the Senator or the children staying in Anakin’s quarters and instead offered their congratulations.  Palpatine sending assassins after Padme and the babies meant he knew.  He looks over at Ventress who is smirking and very “overly familiar” with Knight Vos. She already knows. She is watching him like a hawk to see if he hides behind the Code, ready to tear into him like a coward if he does. Satine and Padme were close friends. Anakin had told him that he was done hiding and done pretending or being ashamed of his family.

But still he did owe his brother some discretion.

He clears his throat and says, “I can neither confirm nor deny that any Jedi of the Order is happily married at the present and celebrating the birth of their twin children.”

Satine’s connects the dots and her face lights up with joy. “Twins!” she exclaims. “Oh, Padme!” She scowls suddenly and punches Obi-Wan in the arm. “I need to send congratulations and a gift, and a belated wedding present. There are traditions! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Obi-Wan rubs his shoulder, ignoring the laughter from Vos and Ventress. “For a pacifistic you are so prone to violence, Duchess. And I haven’t told you anything about anyone. I admit to nothing.”

Quinlan shakes his head. “Damn, I don’t know how straight laced High Councilor Kenobi managed to train a Jedi like Skywalker, but I think Master Jinn would be proud.”

Ventress rolls her eyes. “All of you goodie goodies are blind. The two of them may as well have taken out a sign and broadcast their marriage all over the holonet. Even some of the the battle droids figured it out and they have the processing capacity of a multi-tool. If it wasn’t for Luke and Vader who had more sense than all your Order put together, Sidious would have steamrolled over all of you and you would only have had yourself to blame for not seeing it coming.”

“Come on,” Quinlan says to her, tugging her towards the banquet hall doors. “I’m starving. Let’s leave them alone and hope the Duchess can get Obi-Wan to loosen up some more.”

Neither the Duchess nor the Jedi notice them leaving.

Satine reaches up to place her hand on Obi-Wan’s. “So a Jedi can get married and have children with a Senator and be happy,” she says quietly. “It is possible.”

“Yes,” he says hoarsely. “It is.”

–When Ahsoka gives her report to the Jedi High Council (via holoprojector) about the Tatooine liberation campaign, she speaks with confidence about their actions, unflinching and sure in the face of the wrongs that they have righted. There is some debate about whether Luke had any right to invade Tatooine in the first place. Ahsoka calmly reminds the Council that if Tatooine counts as Republic space that is news to her and to the rest of the galaxy.  The Republic and the Jedi Order hardly cared when it was the Hutts killing, brutalizing and enslaving sentients, why should the Republic or the Jedi Order now protest that someone was stopping them? Either the planet belonged to the Republic and the Republic could hardly invade its own planet to enforce the law or the planet was outside of the Republic’s jurisdiction so the Order didn’t really have any say in what happened there in the first place, Ahsoka logically points out.

“Be that as it may, Republic forces were utilized. The Republic has a treaty with the Hutts as part of the war effort,” Ki-Adi Mundi reminds her.  “This could start a war with the Hutts.”

“The war is over,” Ahsoka says in response. “The treaty with the Hutts expired the moment the war ended. This was not an invasion. There were no GAR forces on Tatooine. Everyone who went volunteered and gave of their own time and chose to visit the planet. It’s a free galaxy after all, unless you are saying that the clones don’t have the right to free time and to travel where they wish, Master?” she asks sweetly.

“No one is saying that. The clones have the same rights as anyone. But, you were there, Ahsoka as was your master. You represent the Jedi,” Master Plo says.

“It is in the purview of Jedi to take action in the face of violations of sentient rights throughout the galaxy. From a young age we are all taught that the Jedi Order is to uphold the law and that includes the law against slavery, against torture, against murder and theft,” Ahsoka argues with growing passion. “Master Skywalker and I had every right to be on that planet and a duty to aid the local people in winning their freedom from slavers and the Hutts.”

“And where is your Master?” Mace asks. “Why has he not come before this Council to explain himself?  Palpatine is dead at the hands of a rogue Jedi and a armored Sith Lord. Where was the Chosen One in all of this? Where has he been? His long time connection to the Supreme Chancellor was well known. Why wasn’t he there or at the Temple during the attack? You were instructed to bring him back to Coruscant  for questioning, not go on unsanctioned military campaigns in the Other Rim.”

Master Yoda raises a hand, as if warning the Councilors to speak more softly. The gardens are full of other Jedi and clones and sound carries.

Ahsoka’s eyes narrow and she folds her arms across her chest. “Questioning? Is this Council accusing my Master of wrongdoing simply because he was in communication with Palpatine? Weren’t all of you also in constant communication with the Sith Master? Didn’t you all meet with him privately, take orders from him, pass on intelligence to him, help save his life in a war he orchestrated from start to finish? Why then is it only my Master who must be questioned? Why is he somehow the only one responsible for everything? What about all of you? Why aren’t you questioning yourselves?”

“Padawan, you will control yourself!” Mace said sharply. “He has claimed to be the Chosen One–“

“No, he hasn’t!” Heads turn as one to look at Obi-Wan Kenobi’s icy expression lit in holographic blue.  “The only people who have ever claimed that Anakin Skywalker is the Chosen One are the High Council and my own Master Qui-Gon. Not once has Anakin claimed to be the Chosen One. He has never taken on such a title. He has avoided it like the plague. It is each of us who have raised and debated that claim, who have demanded he measure up to a prophecy that I, to this day, have never even seen nor read. It is each of us who have censured him when he fell short of whatever imaginary and arbitrary expectation we set against him.”

“Master Kenobi–“ Master Yoda interjects but Obi-Wan does not back down, he stands instead. Beyond the trees and the little corner of the gardens the Council has claimed as its own, a crowd is gathering.

“No. Enough. I will not be silent any longer. I will not bite my tongue and bow my head to the will of this Council when it is wrong. I will not allow you to censure Anakin for not being some promised messiah or some paragon of virtue. I am sick of this and if I had been a better Knight and a better Master I would have stopped this years ago. Anakin Skywalker is a Knight and Master of this Order and entitled to all respect and rights thereto. Sheev Palpatine was a Sith Master and we were blind to it. We let him into the Temple and around our students. We took orders from him and never once stopped to question anything until it was nearly too late. Padawan Tano is right.  Instead of focusing on Anakin and his imagined failings, we should be looking at ourselves and trying to figure out just when this Council grew more interested in enforcing its own will over the Will of the Force!”

–When Obi-Wan finally realized who Vader and Luke were, he knew he had to tell his former Padawan. They had long since decided that there were no more secrets between them, no more lies. Obi-Wan just had no idea how he was going to tell him. Words failed him. He blathered on for a bit and Anakin just stared at him in silence, arms crossed, until Obi-Wan gave up and blurted everything out: “Your son Luke is the same person as Vader’s son.”

“I know,” Anakin said calmly.

Obi-Wan collapsed back into the couch behind him. “You do?”

“Yes, it’s obvious.” Anakin sounded just like his seven year old son when he said it like that, complete with eye rolls “Wait, you didn’t know?”

“How was I to know something like that? Time travel is utterly unfeasible from a scientific perspective,” Obi-Wan demanded. 

Anakin eyed him incredulously. “They have the exact same name,” he said slowly as if Obi-Wan is being deliberately dumb. “They look exactly alike. He grew up on Tatooine,” Anakin defended. “It was obviously the Force.”

“The Force doesn’t work that way!”

Anakin snorted, “Tell that to the Force!”

Obi-Wan opened his mouth and then closed it, realizing that to keep arguing was absurd. He ran a hand over his beard. “Luke, young Luke, I mean, he thinks he’s the grown up Luke’s clone. You may want to talk to him about that.”

Anakin laughed. “Well, it’s as good an excuse as any.”

“He also thinks Leia is Padme’s clone. Really, Anakin, I don’t know where he gets these ideas but a conversation may be in order.”

“Three months ago Luke believed that Artoo and Threepio were his godparents and that somehow meant that both he and Leia were part droid.  This,” he said wiggling his prosthetic right hand “didn’t help,” he explained to Obi-Wan completely deadpan. “I’m not too worried about Luke.”

And Obi-Wan couldn’t help but agree. Luke Skywalker was an endearing child, a powerful beacon of light in the Force. His older counterpart was unorthodox to say the least, but a good and gentle man who frequently traveled the galaxy raining down equal measure of destruction and mercy upon people, a legend already. Obi-Wan shook his head and smiled. “That boy . . .”

“Leia, on the other hand . . .” Anakin said trailing off. “She wants to join the junior legislators like her mom for their summer program. She also told me she thinks Luke and her are old enough to get tattoos like all the troopers do. She’s been eyeing the art supplies and Padme’s makeup with a very odd look on her face. I swear I’m going to walk in one day and find her doing Force knows what to her brother or herself.”

They have strayed off topic. Obi-Wan was not blind to that. He let Anakin do it. If his dearest friend didn’t want to talk about it, he would not force him. He barely wanted to give voice to the truth either. There is a part of Obi-Wan that has parsed out how it must have happened, how Anakin came to Fall and his heart breaks at the mere thought of it.

Instead Obi-Wan hoped that Anakin could read his thoughts in his eyes, and feel what he wanted to really say past the lump in his throat. For my part in it, I am so sorry, Obi-Wan thought. You are not to blame. You did nothing wrong. Believe me. You are not Vader, but even if some version of you became him, even then the other you helped save everyone. He defeated the Sith. He protected us. He came back from the Dark. There was still good in him. His son believed in him. There is so much good in you.

“I am sure Leia will take the junior legislators by storm, much like her mother. She doesn’t want to be Queen, does she?” he asked worriedly. Both he and Ahsoka were waiting until the twins are a bit older to start their training in earnest.

“No, she says being Queen is too limiting. Thank the Force for small blessings. I just don’t know what Luke will do while she’s away at the program.”

“I am sure we will think of something.”

[meandmyechoes]

seriously fuck reylo go read dark disciple

I don’t believe I’m actually comparing them but reylos should read dark disciple for an actually good redemption arc. There’s an ex-dark-side murderer falling in love with the unorthodox Jedi and there’s even both emotional and physical abuse that you guys are so hyped about. Their duel was emotional and carried great meaning. Heck even one of them *beep for spoiler*. just spend your time on better things. *eyeroll*

Ventress/Vos (I wanna cry)

I think Dark Disciple is the very first arc where romance is in center stage as a tool to further character. (Obitine was more about their clash of ideologies and less about how they view their individual positions in their relationship, and there’s this whole mess with Clovis that I primly forgot about). I’ve browsed the internet, and while 90% of the readers love the book, there is a faction that finds a love interest for Ventress felt misplaced and some says she should be a lesbian. I’ve given a little bit of thought on that. and especially after reading Katie Lucas’s foreword, I believe in the potential of a romance to further Ventress’s character. Dark Disciple is a story about redemption, it’s about Ventress allowing herself to love again after all the loss in her life. It’s a healing process for her character and to have her love somebody like Quinlan Vos added to the chemistry of the story that I never thought I would love so much. I hadn’t even finished the book and I’ve already loved it so much. I kinda got spoiled but I’m still very excited reading every word.

I mean giving her a female love interest could work, I guess. and frankly Quinlan Vos is the not first guy I thought of given I had no knowledge about his EU storyline. But I wholeheartedly support this beautiful final outcome that the canon decided.

---

This latest pit I am in called dark disciple got me thinking about my shipping experience as a whole.

The meaning of the word has definitely evolved from when I first learnt about it. Scanning through my ships, I think I ship people mostly in a soulmate way, in the sense of you’re the person that understands me the most and my life would’ve never been the same had we not met, and that the two of them having a symbiotic vibe. And they can take it platonically or physically, either way I don’t really mind. 

I actually have a lot of family ships (re: all clones being brothers), and my favourite ships are soulmate ships. (no really they are master/apprentice ships i drink that) [Holly/Fowl, Val/Skul, Skyguy/Snips] You can see them in a romantic way (never for anisoka but the first 2 sticks… with a weird age gap…), but most times that word degrades the perfect match that they are. and I hate how people thinks romance is superior to friendship. Yes, a friendship that elevates into the exclusive romance is fascinating but friendship on its own is very valid too, thank you.

I mean there’s the OG ship of Booth/Brennan from Bones. (comes to think of it I think my very first active ship in life is Tai Nui Fa but l was like 6 and didn’t really have any thought except crying my eyes out at the finale) When they were introduced, I knew I loved the duo so much, especially when I can relate to Bones. I shipped them romantically (and frustratingly) for 3 seasons before I took a step back and examine the possibility of a show where the hero and heroine don’t have to fall in love. I kinda liked the idea. (and was hoping Castle to be that show. luckily, The Mentalist also came on air) I think it’s equally good to have your best friend fighting crimes along with you. And whether they get together or not actually wouldn’t make me enjoy their interaction any less. Well, eventually they did get together and I’m more than happy to see them FINALLY admit their love for each other and I legit CRIED at their wedding as if a dream came true. They are PERFECT for each other. 

And another ship that I value over my life is Yumi/Ulrich. I just smile like an idiot watching them (more so now that I’ve passed their age). However I’ve never really given much thought about their dynamic outside being a battle couple. To this date, I’ve never given a realistic look at what would happen between them when they actually get together and how would their relationship function outside Lyoko. They were the Samurai and Princess to me and represented a childhood’s image that cannot be broken. Their journey is so full of conflicts of both their headstrong but reserved personalities that it’s not the easiest thing for any of them to make the first move. They had a rough start, and perhaps deep down I know it would not be the fairy tale story I wanted. I guess that mirrors a little bit of my own parents and that’s why I feel such an urge to see Yumi/Ulrich finally overcome their stubbornness and JUST KISS ALREADY. 

(NOT GONNA MENTION TRAUGHT BECAUSE TIME CONSTRAINTS)

Now come Star Wars. I don’t think I have an active ship until Kanera, and that’s 2016, 7 years after I went into this franchise. An earlier one was Obitine but they were more of a missed opportunity case that I felt like I respected their wishes to not further pursue their relationship. It was done beautifully, but still only a sub-plot for the show.

My motivation for the Star Wars movies came from their necessity in understanding The Clone Wars, which I only started watching for Ahoska. There were no romantic subplots for Ahsoka, the protagonist in my eye, in the premise of the show. It was a simple show of space adventures (which was why I was absolutely stunned at Anidala just four episodes in WITH NO SET UP because I had NO IDEA who Padmé was). Romance was never an essential character development tool in Clone Wars, and I enjoyed it for the action and the story. The thing with shipping anyone with Ahsoka is the topic I want to address today (after all that chunk of history above).

I think I've made myself very clear that I'm opposed to the idea of Ahsoka being romantically involved with anyone at all. I just don't see that as part of her character. Sure relationships help people grow and it's a great character development tool, but the exclusiveness that a romance imply, that doesn't fit Ahsoka for me. She has a greater mission, and her arc was always about asserting, finding a place for yourself in the universe (both in tcw and later rebels). To her, it's not a place of domestic bliss, it's about stepping into the world and doing the right thing at the right time. I also don’t think romance as a concept was a big part of her upbringing. So exploring her side in a romance sounds like an irrelevant idea to me. Why fill in that void, when you can have her personality solidified? My argument here is more on a behind-the-scenes view for how to treat her character. But we have to keep in mind that if she did choose to involve herself in a romance, it would be a writer’s conscious choice. and maybe that’s the moment I will frown heavily upon. (A big reason I've put off reading the Ahsoka novel)

This comes around to the majority of this site saying Ahsoka is a lesbian. I've never hc anything related so it certainly surprised me. While this puts me off a little initially and sounds contradictory to what I believe, I have the self-respect to not go around berating people's opinions. Also it’s not entire implausible seeing how even I can see that it is possible to fit the interpretation into the show, especially in season 7 where there are potentials I downright see without being a shipper myself. So what really bothers me is people rooting for her to be in a certain relationship (instead of developing interesting characters around her and let the characters develop their own foundation as opposed to the single purpose of being a love interest), a course that I see as mistreatment to Ahsoka’s character when there are other more interesting aspects. (But really most people here are just rooting for her to be happy, which I want too, and they think if she ends up with a girl she would be happy. *dismissing smirk*)

I am aware that Rexsoka exists. I condemn it. They are family. Case closed.

---

In my original train of thought there was a piece on LGBT characters and ships so I'm putting it here too.

I don't have a lot of exposure to LGBT in media until recent years. I never gave a lot of thought about my gender or sexuality in puberty because I simply think that when the time comes to meet the right person, I will know. So it was never even a small part of my identity.

The point I'm trying to make is what draws me to a character is always their personality, not their sexuality. Of course, their experience as a minority is a sure part of their identity but that alone would not be reason enough for me to like a character right away. I need to see their personality through their decisions, whether it's showcased in their experience as a minority or any other generic conflict.

In 2018, I watched this Japanese mini-series called Joshi no Seikatsu (Life as A Girl, NHK). It's about a trans girl making her way through life when one day she couldn't help being kind and took in an old classmate. It was brought to my attention because I really liked the lead's previous works and he looked so cute as the protagonist. In its four episode, we learnt about Miki's career, romance, friendship and family and I couldn't stop admiring how strong this character is. She is determined, confident, mature, disciplined and compassionate. She has given a lot of thought about her way of life and had overcome many cold words and I'm on the floor worshiping this girl before the first episode ends. Although the lead is cis but the show make up for the realist decision by giving trans people a voice sharing their different experiences in love as a foil to Miki's. It opened my eye in more ways than I expected and gave me dilemmas that I never knew I could relate to. By writing about my experience with this show, I guess I just want to prove that I'm not discriminating anyone based on their sexuality, but who am I to judge?

I think Korra is a gold example of subverting expectations and success at selling an unconventional romance. At the beginning of Book 4, I was very worried about how the show's gonna wrap so many problems that Korra was facing, both internally and externally, that I worried there was not enough time if Mako/Korra will be endgame. And I wasn't wrong, they hardly reconcile them as a couple and just gave us the Korrasami ending. I didn't see that coming, but in retrospect reviewing the whole season's clues, it made sense! and I'm genuinely happy Korra finds somebody who understands her the way Asami does. That was an enlightening moment that only the right person matters, not the right gender. See this is how I want it be done if Ahsoka’s put in any relationship.

By saying a character is of a certain faction of LGBT is not going to immediately recruit me or disown me. If you sell the character well enough in the writing, and when their experiences move me, I think I will find myself treasuring that person very much.