#quick someone smarter than me write a think piece

[mossytrashcan]

alina nation. have we thought of this yet

[axailslink]

Drop him in a heartbeat

Riri Williams x poc FEM reader

Summary: You and Riri are occasionally fucking but what if Riri wants you to be more than that?

Warning: ⚠️I know I write for the girlies and the gays but this character does have a male lover too but y'all ain't gone see much of that Riri and the reader just talk about it.

"Dude told me he was gone put a baby in me!" You and Riri have always had some crazy conversations and this definitely is the craziest one yet. "Hold on hold on so he was hitting it from the back and he said what!?" You laugh as you sit up on her lap shifting your tiny shorts "he said- actually and I quote "baby you feel so good I don't want to pull out" like what? Bitch that means you tryna impregnate me" Riri shakes her head "so I pushed him off me he wasn't about to put no kids in me I told him dick ain't never THAT serious to me I got a girl if I want something in me" Riri cocks her and you nod confirming your last spoken words "you told him about me?" "Fuck yeah he's my boy and all but trust and believe don't nobody come above my girl he the side piece he knows that and you know that." Riri doesn't even try to hide the smile that finds its way to her face "so... If I wanted you to drop him for me would you..?" It's your turn to cock your head but she's quick to back up her question "Hold on let me explain just think about it I'm smarter, finer, and I know your body better." You hum "so what? This your way of saying you want to do more than just fuck?" Riri shrugs "I mean yeah I've been trying to date you for a while now. So would you? Drop him?" You smile down at Riri "if you're willing to commit to dating me and dealing with all my bullshit and my jealousy and my sex drive I'll drop him in a heartbeat for you. No questions asked." Riri can't help but stare at you trying to see some smile or glance that indicates you're just messing around with her and that your words aren't serious but there are no signs.

"Do it" you shrug grab your phone and call him up "we got to stop fucking around" you can hear the many words coming out of his mouth but it doesn't matter because Riri is watching you waiting for you to completely be hers. "Wait nawl it ain't got nothing to do with that even though that whole "I don't want to pull out" shit was weird-" you feel Riri's body vibrate for moment beneath you she's laughing you shush her and return your attention to the call. "Honestly man it's as simple as I'm tired of what you giving I don't just want sex I got someone who's willing to give me more than that and also won't freak me out during sex too that's still mad weird." He asks who and you look at Riri as she's focusing on you "don't worry about that just know it ain't you" you hang up and toss your phone beside Riri's head. "So you all mine now?" You shrug "like I said in a heartbeat but you know what this means right?" Riri sits up holding herself up with one arm while the other stays glued on your ass "what?" "You got to deal with it all you ready for my jealousy? What about my needs? Not just sexually but I love princess treatment too and I'm mad annoying" Riri nods "yeah and that's what I've wanted I know what I signed up for. What you tryna give the run down like you some gangster? Girl you forgot who you were talking to or something?" You laugh and roll your eyes "okay miss Riri Williams you are doing a bit much Riri laughs and leans up to peck your lips.

"I think I'm doing just enough but uhm if ole boy calls you be prepared for my jealousy." You roll your eyes and as if you've summoned him your phone rings and you laugh as Riri grabs it but you're quick to snatch it back she cocks a brow and laughs "don't be trying to hide it I done seen the nudes already I got those before he did." You shake your head as you ignore the call "girl shut up I'm regretting dropping him he wasn't much of a talker you talk too much." Riri rolls her eyes "well guess what? You gotta get used to this cause you are locked in you can't go no where." You smile "I mean am I really? Because if I want to go all I have to do is turn on the fan and your lil ass will be fighting with God it'll blow you away like a leaf." Riri laughs "okay I'll give you that you can have that joke just remember that joke later on when you're upset that I won't let you reach your orgasm." You purse your lips "now it ain't ever that serious" she shrugs "yes it is because why did you have to get personal?" You shrug and shove her shoulder playfully pushing her back on the bed "why'd you have to get all butt hurt?" Riri smiles up at you "damn would you drop me in a heartbeat for someone else?" You blink for a moment but you don't answer her question because how the fuck were you supposed to react to that?

A/n: Riri is always barking up the wrong damn tree but I mean come on it's pretty in character in my mind. She attracts people that are obviously not good for her.

@verachii @atssukoo @rxcently @mocha-aya @shuriszn @lolas-bunny @louderfortheback @lucillele @shuri-lover @quintessencewrites @zestgodtj @yamsthoughts @sokkasbae255 @saintwrld @tuesdaylovesu @rxcently @yvxmpire @lunax0654 @homie0sapien @karimwillia @adeola-the-explorer @garbagesleepschedule @bratydoll @gubrii @vampphase @ctrl-liah @trixielwt @6-noir @annoyingtidalwavequeen @atssukoo @inmyheadimobsessed @letitias-fav

[gemstone-ruby]

Bridgerton S3 (part 1)

*** WARNING: WALL OF TEXT ***

I had this sitting in my drafts since the first release day but I wanted to hold onto it to see how feelings change after part 2. Full disclosure: these are my thoughts on everybody BUT Penelope. I think I'll give her her own stream of consciousness post after her story is complete.

~ Spoilers after the break ~

Cressida Cowper: I was pleasantly surprised that we got to see Cressida as a growing person instead of a just an airheaded mean girl. It's well known that all debutantes are under an immense pressure to marry and marry well. This season puts Cressida's pressure on full display while also showing how she's realizing that being a shark trying to catch a man can only do so much. Whether she finds a match or one is forced on her, she cannot continue this way if she wishes to have actual friends when all is said and done. This especially shows when she decided to not rat out Eloise for a quick piece of gossip like she might have done in the past. I hope she catches Lord Debling so they can both be put out of their societal misery. Now, speaking of Eloise....

Eloise Bridgerton: You are getting on my fucking nerves. She spends two seasons turning her nose up at society and complaining about achieving something of substance and does absolutely nothing about it expect play Sherlock Holmes so badly that the Queen nearly publicly crucified her. Yes, I understand why she is mad at Penelope for writing the article; it is an extremely valid reason to be upset. But if you ask me, Eloise is being a better friend to Cressida, a bully she supposedly can't stand, than she ever was to her oldest fucking friend. The friend who was always encouraging, always gave her an ear to complain, always ready, happy, willing, and able to be by her side even if that meant they were on the outskirts of society while doing so. At the end of Season 2, I came to the conclusion that Eloise is more hurt by the fact the Penelope did what she couldn't/can't bring herself to do, which is showing society a woman can achieve "real" accomplishment without being attached to a man. Eloise would bitch and moan about attending university but notice how she never said what for. She never gave a solid aspiration like doctor, lawyer, writer, etc. (if she did please correct me). She was just pissed she wasn't handed the option like her brothers were for simply being born male. If Eloise WAS a man, I think that man would be a mix of Season 1 Anthony and Season 1&2 Colin: Traveling to big named places under some noble guise only to laze around with all the money lining his pockets. Even if Pen is writing in secret, she's still doing it; Lady Whistledown is a hit. Penelope has found something she is so passionate about that she's risking everything and she's so skilled at it that she's actually succeeding and Eloise can't stand it. She can't handle the fact that while she was complaining and then being used as a pawn by the Queen (almost to the determent of her reputation), her best friend was living out her own dreams, outsmarting everyone while doing so. And in all honesty, with the witch hunt the Queen was on and the way their society works, I don't think there was any other way of 'clearing' Eloise of being Lady Whistledown than what Penelope did. Nothing short of turning herself in anyways. And I think that if Eloise truly cared for Penelope as a person, she probably would have came to that conclusion on her own had she taken that time to think of anyone other than herself. Up until then, Lady Whistledown never really "targeted" anyone; she just reported things as they happened no matter how good or bad they made someone look. Unfortunately, I feel like Eloise liked being 'the smarter friend' to the 'wallflower' more than she actually liked Penelope as a person.

Colin Bridgerton: This is going to come off a little harsher than I mean it to but I still think Colin is a fickle man who just used his last trip abroad to master the art of manipulation with a soft smile and pretty words. I am not truly heartless; I can empathize with the reason why when his mother called out the people pleaser in him. I just feel he's suffering a little from what Eloise is going through; he wants the dopamine hit of achieving something but he has no ultimate goal. All he really had up until this point was the loaming reputation of being a Bridgerton boy that he felt he had to uphold for the longest time. I think his soul searching only really truly began on his last trip because Marina finally 'set him free'. I don't think he really loved her; liked her and could see a nice future with her? Yes. But loved her? No. There was some small part of Colin that was still attached to the idea that everything could/would turn of perfectly with Marina as they were playing that game of society so well together when in reality, she was essentially playing him to save her own life. Hell, he didn't even acknowledge the fact the Marina basically outright told him Penelope was in love with him and all homie heard was "I don't want you, stop coming here".

Francesca Bridgerton: Poor sweet neurospicy girl!!!!!! Francesca Bridgerton is a girl who grew up in a house full of noise (probably with sensory issues) and all she wants now is peace. She just wants a quiet home to practice her music; She'll pop out a baby or two for her husband cuz she knows that's what's expected of her but a large family? NO. You can see it as she moves through society: she has no desire to be there. I think her story hurts my heart a little more because she's stoic struggling in silence. The Bridgertons are a giant family with the reputation that they LOVE their giant family. Which means she can't verbalize that they make her uncomfortable sometimes without hurting their feelings because they will never understand. That isn't to say she doesn't love her family, she just needs space without them. So she's stays quiet. She adjusts her mask while playing a funeral march to regulate her emotions before stepping out into the bustling world. Francesca's only hope of escape is if she goes through society's games; once that's accomplished, I know for a fact the only people who will ever she that girl again is her family, their staff, and a special few music prodigies that make their way into her circle. I wish her and her equally neurospicy suitor all the best! (If the Queen fucks with this I'm going to be pissed off)

~ Additional Thoughts ~

THAT CARRAGE SENCE What a hell of a cliffhanger to leave us on half through the season!

I was absolutely dying when Lady Featherington had to go home from a ball early to give the birds and bees talk to her daughters. Like this lady had the audacity to ask if they expected a baby to just appear in the womb? PROBABLY BITCH! WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING???? All you rich assholes go through life sealing your daughters away from the world, telling them the only point to their time is to make themselves perfect in the art of "sit still, look pretty"; They are then peacocked around and pitted against one another to be sold to the highest bidder. They will either (and most likely) get to the end of the 'marriage' season, because this is just 3 months out of the year BTW, alone and in tears thinking themselves not good enough OR get married to a man they do not know at all and hope he's gentle in giving the lesson that their parents purposely censor from them.

I love the Violet Bridgerton is getting herself back out there but I hope she doesn't get played. We obviously don't know what caused Lady Danbury to come to dislike her brother so much but I hope she spills before Violet gets in too deep. I know Violet is a grown woman who can make her own choices but I also feel like it takes her just a second too long to take off the rose-tinted glasses she wears 24/7.

Benedict is a bleeding heart looking for a MILF to simp over but he keeps getting screwed, first in the way he wants and then in a way he doesn't. (Yes, I know how insane that sentence is. No, I will not re-polish it.)

[inmyhorrorsera]

S5E9 & S5E10 thoughts

Well, I liked it!

The biggest loser here is Episode 9 because all my thoughts are so occupied by the finale that I can't say much about the previous episode which wasn't even bad. So just three quick things:

Finally I get some good fucking food (The Guide content).

"I'm… going…to kill you… Guillermo" gave me CHILLS.

Guidja real.

Now, to Episode 10:

Didn't notice the previous episode how feral Nandor was filmed, his face all darkened except for a beam of light on his furious eyes, good and classic vampire shit!

Nadja Detective Policeman visiting Guillermo in that outfit😩

Wow, Guillermo treating Derek bad after all he did for him really make the point across that he's a shitty person.

There's something so 😙👌 about Nandor going back to Panera, always love a full circle moment.

I don't care about Patton Oswald as a comedian or person due some disgusting shit he pulled years ago, so sadly I couldn't enjoy his scenes with Nandor that much. I loved that after the whole conversation he still killed him tho. I read someone in the tags paralleling this scene to Guillermo and Meg in S3E2, and I fully agree with that interpretation.

Laszlo helping Guillermo and apologizing…😭 He loves him! I would love to see more of how Laszlo feels about his "frustrations" (his innability to help Guillermo, the impotency of seeing Colin grow up and not remember him). That's something that should be explored better next season imo.

Him trying to have a serious conversation but keep getting distracted by the porn is me trying to watch this show as a dumb comedy but getting distracted by the nandermo of it all.

All the vampires visiting him with dumb excuses was so cute. I wish I never see those creatures ever again tho.

Ahhhh Nandor calling Guillermo from his mother in law mom's house was some psycho shit. Also it remind me a bit of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Spike visits Buffy's mom just to taunt her. Imagine Nandor pulling this shit:

(Silvia immediately stakes him of course).

"My friend, Patton Oswalt, he passed away". The solemn way he says it as if he wasn't the culprit 😭.

The moment of Guillermo putting the stake on Nandor's neck was an explicit sex scene for me and for everyone with good taste.

On the opposite side, Nandor helping Guillermo with the red cape is SO SOFT, it's all about being equals this time.

The Djinn… oof… as someone who was begging for his appearance since the beginning of the season, this stunt left me cold… sorry but everything that starts with "it happened off screen" it's bad writing. It's giving "Daenerys kind of forgot…" level of bad.

Didn't like that suddenly Nandor is smarter than the others (specially if we come from an episode when Laszlo called him 'a fuckin idiot' for not getting the Guide reveal).

I already mentioned this in a post I made last night, but I'll repeat it verbatim here, because I stand by it:

I don't believe FOR A SECOND that Laszlo didn't try to feed Guillermo human blood 🤔 Remember when Nadja on s1 went on an entire mission to help Jenna to complete her transformation? (hey everybody, remember Jenna?) How Guillermo 'all my life I dreamed of being a vampire' did not know that piece of lore??

"Guillermo can't kill people" Umm whoever decided to go on this direction, I recommend them this show on FX called What we do in the shadows it's very good! (when consistent).

I…. don't trust that "Guillermo is not cut to be a vampire" stuff… sounds like retcon… BUT! I love the "Guillermo is not cut to be a vampire YET, specially if he isnt sired by Nandor" interpretation.

From the beginning I had this hunch that Guillermo's longing for a family and community (I'm not saying he dislikes his bio family, but obviously he grow up distant from them, probably for being queer and feeling like "an outsider") was a reason for being so desperate to become a vampire. Now that he has the family (bio AND chosen) and the community, it's his time to think if he STILL wants to be vampire or not (and he said at the fake ceremony that he still wants it 😌).

Lmao Guillermo's beard... that thing... didn't look like it was growing from Harvey's face.

🗣️HE 🗣️KEPT 🗣️THE 🗣️GLASSES!!!

More Derek! And with better make up than that ashy talcum powder nightmare from Episode 1!! WTF they got rid of another character of color again??!! Benedict Wong what are you doing here???!!! Yay??????

I really like that Topher is a "functional" zombie in comparison with his state in S2E1, it makes sense with the zombies we saw on the original movie.

Still weird that we end the episode and season here, with Derek happy ending?

HOT take but I like that it didn't end on a cliffhanger, considering that we don't know the state of the show post strikes yet AND after s4 I don't trust this people with cliffhangers ever again lol.

Now that the season is finished I came to realize Nadja's entire arc AGAIN was a big 'ol nothing, huh? The hex, her Antipaxos found family, the little stunt as a teacher, literal "throw at the wall and see what it sticks". I'm sorry but I'll repeat: WWDITS learn how to write women challenge.

Excited to see how Guillermo and Nandor's relationship will develop from now on, I know some people are frustrated but as someone who is used to slow burns being SLOW this is my shit. I joke a lot about the pairing but also I understand that this is the shit&farts show first, nandermo nation second (unlike some people that appears they only consume and rate media depending on how much kissy kissy is on the screen).

From 1 to 10, I'll give this season a 7. Not that good as my god tier seasons (S2 is a 9, S3 is a 10), but not so bad as S4.

What I want next season:

Guillermo NEEDS to be a Bad Bitch again: slaying vampires like the Van Helsing he is, being gay af, not being scared to sass out Nandor, etc.

Laszlo and Colin NEED to have a real talk.

Consistency.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEARN HOW TO WRITE FOR NADJA I'M ON MY KNEES AT THIS POINT!!!

[darksidescorner]

Help why am I imagining Alleycat from Persona 5 playing as Miguel thinks about Gabi. It's SO deliciously sad

(I didn't know I'd be writing a blurb today. Not proofread, I'm sorry. Lemme tag it real quick: Angst, no comfort, no happy ending, Gabrielle)

I think about that song often anyways. It's so somber and sad in all the right ways. It gives me such powerful ideas for art. Ones that I swear I can see the composition of, and I can't see anything in my head. I don't think in pictures, yet this is a song I can see up there.

I'm imagining Miguel sat in his home, the lights are dim as it pours rain into the night. I'm imagining him holding up a holographic picture frame, and just sinking into the couch. I'm imagining how cold the colors are, and how even Gabi is a cold orange.

I'm imagining Miguel's face as he remembers everything. It's not guilt anymore, it's paralyzing grief. I'm imagining the sad smile he wears as he thinks of her before hugging the frame and letting the tears flow. I'm imagining how he hates himself for crying, because it doesn't help. It won't bring her back. It doesn't make him feel better. Its not an efficient use of his time. And yet, he can't help but cry. It's all he can do.

He can't bring her back. Maybe if he were just a little faster, he could have gotten Gabi through the portal. If he were a little quicker, maybe he could have gotten that daypass on her. If he were just a little smarter, he could have foreseen this coming. If he were a little stronger, he could have stopped the void from closing in on her.

If he were a little more, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

They say glitching is painful. Incredibly painful. It throws you off balance, knocks the air out of your chest, and breaks your cells down. Spiders and anomalies alike say it's the most painful thing they've ever experienced. That they'd rather die than do it again. It leaves you with a lasting headache and nausea. It leaves you woozy.

Miguel has never had the displeasure of experiencing that. But you know who did? Gabrielle.

His guilt makes him nauseous. His little girl, experiencing the most painful thing in the multiverse, and dying from it. It should have been him. He's dead no matter what. His spirit died with Gabrielle. It's floating through the void, the crushing weight of all that has happened to him. Of all that he caused. It twists him and rips him apart like he's a piece of paper.

And yet he carries on. Not because of any determination or willingness to, but because he's in limbo. Time will move forward no matter what, but he is stuck. He's frozen in time, on the day his baby died. So when he wakes up the next morning, and Gabrielle is nowhere to be seen, he's struck with the reality that it isn't a bad dream. His grief is him.

And so, life moves on, but he does not.

—————

Man this went from me trying to describe the visual I see in regards to Miguel from that song, to a blurb of guilt and sadness. GoddAYUM was it fun to write.

To anyone reading: play Persona 5 Royal if you have access to it. It is such a good story. That shit changed my life. Literally message me to talk about it. Spam my inbox about it. Ask me about how to get the 3rd Semester. I'll answer literally any question about it so that you don't Google it and get spoiled. I would rather get spammed questions about a character than have someone get spoiled something important.

@pinkpinkspidey

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

this is so not controversial and actually correct that i’m coming out of hibernation to reblog this with my own thoughts (i might tangent, my bad lol)

anyways, i think it’s important to consider that tails, chronologically in the games, really never encountered another mechanic. eggman is an inventor who mainly builds mechs, but someone who works on vehicles or smaller pieces of technology was essentially nonexistent.

wave, in all respects, is not only as talented as someone like tails or eggman, she CANONICALLY surpasses them when it comes to Extreme Gear. I have a lot of screencap compilations that you can find in the relatively dormant Wave tag, but you don’t even have to read past the game manuals to get those quotes.

so, we have established she’s a genius. now step back and think about how tails feels, given his age and who his friends are. despite most of the cast being older than him, including his idol and brother/mentor/best friend sonic, everyone during forces looks to tails for answers: he’s always the computer guy or the one who is expected to figure things out, tech or otherwise.

OKAY: now imagine there finally being someone older and in some respects, much smarter than him. ignore wave’s personality for a second. think about what that entails! for once, he’s not the only genius in the room, and given how sheltered tails’ life as an inventor is, it’s likely he is entirely self taught minus the research he does. this is someone who can teach him something, who has unfathomable amounts of knowledge. she’s world class in so many categories, not to mention a true backbone to her team.

so, wave is amazing, right? anyone with eyes and half a mind would be absolutely enamoured with her for being this tall, cool, witty, and accomplished mobian. tails would have, in my opinion, what is politely described as a fanboy enamourment? it’s not a crush in terms of “wow you’re pretty i’m in love with you” but more along the lines of “you’re like the coolest person i’ve ever met and i want you to teach me everything you possibly can because everything you do leaves me starry eyed” if that makes sense?

okay. so dipper and wendy, but more nerdy than that.

since i’ve already rambled a lot, i’m going to make this about wave again. IN ALL 3 GAMES, SHE IS ONLY MEAN TO TAILS IN ONE (1) CUTSCENE WHEN SHE CALLS HIS BOARD JUNK. ONCE. why is this relevant? SHE WAS BEING LOUD AND ANNOYING TO DISTRACT FROM HER PLACING A BOMB ON THE BOARD LMAO

so like, wave does not hate tails. i could ramble forever about wave’s complex opinion of tails and her identity as a mechamechanic but i’ll leave that for my own post i promise lol. in short, wave does not canonically harbour any hatred or malice towards tails, and outside of that one scene, she doesn’t even mock him. the occasional snide comments she makes are with her SMILING or TEASING him, and it’s always harmless in tone. she admits on multiple occasions that he’s actually very smart, and gives him credit where credit is due.

TLDR: you’re right and there’s nothing wrong about it. i joke all the time that wave is somehow everyone’s awakening (i don’t mean sexually, she just has a polarizing effect on people in various ways because she’s such an intense character. you either realize you’re queer, or start being more like her by standing up for yourself and being abrasive when necessary)

also, a quick note for anyone who might be writing an angry reply right now: op and i are not shipping tails and wave. that’s fucking weird. you can talk about character dynamics without endorsing a potential ship because that’s how you analyze, morons! if you have a problem with nuanced character discussions because you lack critical listening skills, you shouldn’t partake in fandom :p

I hate the idea that Wave has a crush on Tails (for obvious reasons)

But, I find it funny to think that, despite the fact Wave is a complete bitch and bully to him, Tails has a little crush on her because of her brilliance in mechanics

It's not reciprocated, obviously, and Wave doesn't even realise this (if she did, she'd probably be very mean about it and grossed out)

Also, it's not a healthy crush, obviously

This is probably a controversial headcanon to post LOL

[darling-i-read-it]

Lipstick

Karl Heisenberg x reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: borderline nsfw like I thought real hard about it, weapons, talks of murder, slight spoilers for resident evil 8

Author’s Note: just impulsively wrote this and am posting it promptly after writing so it has not been edited. Besties im down bad about this sarcastic basterd (also if anyone wants a nsfw part 2...i am willing to provide) (or any other requests for him and Alcina, my favorite bi panic people rn)

Summary: You run into Ethan in Castle Dimitrescu on your way back to the factory.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director

(not my gif)

Ethan Winters genuinely just wanted his daughter back. He was so sick and tired of going through this village in an attempt to save her, running into every possible inconvenience he could find and knowing that he would probably lose fingers fighting them.

Castle Dimitrescu was vast and regal. He might have liked it if he wasn’t running for his and his daughters' lives from the four vampires that lived there.

He was crouched down, holding a gun up as he walked very quietly and carefully throughout the house so as to not alert any of the Dimitrescu daughters. He opened one of the unlocked doors carefully and immediately stopped moving at the sight of someone.

You wore no cloak, to signify that you were a daughter and you were much shorter than the lady of the house. You grabbed one of the lipsticks that Alicna had plenty of and leaned over the vanity to see how it looked on you.

Ethan stood up and held the gun up to your head. You raised an eyebrow, looking at him from the mirror reflection.

“Who are you?” he asked, voice rough. Rougher than his face looked. You put on the lipstick and then rubbed your lips together.

“Do you think this is my color?” He shoved the gun further into your head and you scoffed. “Fine fine. Not one for makeup eh?” You put your hands up and turned around. He let you sit down on the vanity but not without his gun still pointing at your skull. You seemed unphased which would have been weird if Ethan wasn’t incredibly desensitized to everything ever.

“Who are you? Are you one of the vampires? One of the other family members? Who are you?!” You put your hands slowly down on your lap. He let you, but you were testing his patience.

“Not quite.” You gestured to him. “I’m human. Like you. Well not like you, I’m completely human, no mutations or anything done.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he hissed. You waved him off.

“If you hurt me, you will have Karl on your head and I imagine it won’t be pretty. It’s the only way I can get from Castle to Castle unharmed,” you told him.

“Karl?”

“You know, fun hat, frizzy hair, has that big hammer thing. Karl.”

“Heisenberg?” You nodded.

“Yes Ethan, I thought you were smarter than this.” Ethan shook his head quickly and then regained focus, his hand holding the gun shaking a bit.

“Where’s Rose?” You shrugged.

“Fuck if I know Ethan Winters. I’m just the person who lives in a factory and becomes a nuisance for each and every Lord.” He jabbed the gun at your head and you didn’t even flinch.

“You’re lying.”

“Truthfully, I am not. If I knew where Rose was I would at least give you a hint, just to make it interesting.”

“What is Heisenberg to you?” he asked. You smiled a bit, crossing your legs.

“I’m Heisenberg's...girlfriend for lack of a better word. Whatever Mia was to you.” His mind flashed back to Mia. He had barely been able to mourn her. He shook the thought out of his head.

“You know how to get out of here and get Rose yes?”

“I know how to get out of here. How to get Rose, I have no idea. We’ve been over this.”

“But Heisenberg knows and if I can bring you to him, he can tell me.” You shook your head gently.

“Ethan sweetie...I could call for Alcina or the girls at any time and they would be in here in seconds to tear you to pieces.”

“Not before I could pull this trigger.”

“Again, if you so much as scratch me, you’ll never breath non metal infused air again.” Ethan shook his head gently and took a deep breath. He grabbed the gun at you again. He was silent and then he lowered it.

“I’ll just be going then,” he muttered, defeated. You nodded pleasantly and stood up from sitting on the vanity. You put the lipstick back on it. You walked forward and put your hand on Ethan’s shoulder. He looked you in the eyes.

“Good luck Ethan Winters.” You started to leave but turned to him. “I do suggest that in order to save your daughter you don’t kill Alicna’s in the process.”

“Any bits of advice then?” You put your hand on the doorknob and turned it, opening it just a tad.

“Grab the masks for the main room. Do you have a map?” He handed it to you, a tattered old piece of paper. You grabbed the lipstick again and marked some places. “Avoid hurting them as much as you can.”

“Why are you helping me?”

“I don’t like Mother Miranda. I don’t trust Mother Miranda. She is the one who has your daughter I’m sure or she must know where she is. But the Dimitrescus and Karl...even Donna for that matter, are people I like and trust.”

You stepped back outside the room.

“If I hear you’ve killed any of the daughters, I’ll tell them what I know of you. If you think the Dimitrescus are scary, just wait until you meet Donna.”

You shut the door in his face. Ethan shivered.

====

You walked up the stairs to the second floor. You knocked on the door of Alcinas room and she swang it open. She took a sigh of relief.

“Thank God. I thought you were Ethan Winters.”

“You think Ethan would knock before coming in?” She scoffed. You held her the lipstick you were wearing.

“Where did you find that?”

“Downstairs where I ran into Ethan,” you said honestly. Her eyes went wide and her lips pursed in annoyance.

“Did you see the girls?”

“No but I’m sure one of them ran into him as he left the room. He was only there a couple of minutes ago, it shouldn't be that hard to find him.” She walked past you without saying goodbye. You huffed. “You’re welcome!”

=====

You made it back to the factory in just a couple of minutes. You had gotten so used to the walk that you were on autopilot the whole time before you were back to your room. Karl was already there, clearly taking a quick break before returning to his never ending work day.

“Where did you go?!” he asked, walking up to you from the bathroom. He put his hand on your arm and you grabbed his glasses which were hanging from his shirt. He had shed the jacket and hat, clearly about to shower.

“Relax, I was just at Alcinas castle,” you told him gently. He let out an annoyed exaggerated sigh that you knew all too well.

“How is my sister?” he asked. You took the lipstick out of your pocket. Alcina hadn’t actually taken it in her fit of rage to go and get Ethan. Now you had something extra for your own personal vanity back at the factory.

“Shy of one more lipstick.” You walked past him into the bathroom. He followed you as you placed it carefully on your vanity. You admired it for a second with a smile on your face. You wrapped an arm around yourself and turned back to him. You hoisted yourself onto the bathroom counter. “I ran into Ethan Winters.”

His face, which had been admiring your new addition to the vanity which was full of stolen things and things he had acquired for you, turned sour. Karl put his hand on your arm and raised it, checking your side and arm for injuries.

“I told you not to leave the room until he was caught,” he grumbled. He was trying to act like he hadn’t been worried about you from the second he realized you were gone. He was trying to ignore the fact that he himself almost stomped to each of the Lord’s castles to make sure you were alright. He didn’t want you to run into Ethan Winters, that was his worst nightmare. Ethan didn’t have any regard for you. Ethan just wanted Rose. “Are you hurt?” You shook your head.

“No. He asked me if I knew where Rose was and held a gun to my head but in the end we parted ways peacefully.”

“You could have brought him back here,” he muttered.

“I told Alcina where he was. I figured she could take care of him. You already had your shot.” He rolled his eyes and his grip on your arm tightened.

“You could have been seriously hurt. The Lord’s won’t hurt you but Mother Miranda might, Ethan might have.” You brought your free hand up to his cheek and leaned forward so your lips were just barely brushing over his.

“I can take care of myself.” He pressed a harsh kiss against your lips and made a low groaning noise. He let go of your arm to grab your leg and part them so that he could stand between your thighs. He dipped his head to kiss you and you pressed your body against him, feeling every inch of his breathing.

There was a harsh rasp at the door and he pulled away. You grabbed his neck and shook his head, kissing his jaw and peppering kisses down his neck.

“Come on, Mother Miranda doesn’t need you that bad,” you whispered. You pressed a long kiss to his jaw again and he had to physically tear himself away, however much it pained him.

“She might,” he grumbled. You held him until he moved too far away for you to. You groaned and put your head against the wall beside the mirror.

“Maybe I should go and find Ethan Winters again to finish the job. I mean he may only have eight fingers but he’s stayed alive this long and-” He grabbed your arm that was waving around as you spoke and looked you dead in the eyes.

“I will finish the job. You just sit tight kitten.” You kissed his knuckles and then let him go.

“Better be quick Karl. I get very restless very easily.”

He put on his hat and coat (the opposite of either of you wanted in the moment) and slammed the door in frustration against Mother Miranda behind him.

You took a deep breath and hoped he wouldn’t be gone too long.

NSFW Part 2

[i-simp-for-gintoki]

Gojo, Yuji, Megumi reacting to their s/o being injured and not noticing

“Uh How About Gojo , Yuji , Megumi React With S/O that have High Pain Tolerance Like They Don't Realize That They Have Really Bad Injury Until Someone Point It Out To Them?” -anon

I dont have megumi on my character list but i’ll still try to write him!

 Also look at me using warnings cause my friend yelled at me for not using them before 

But was there really a reason to use them before??

Warning: mentions of blood and injuries, its really not that descriptive tho

Gojo Satoru:

He knew you were strong and knew that you were more than capable of taking care of yourself

Which was really nice for him because he doesn’t need his mind filled with pointless worrying

But every now and then you guys see a curse that gives a bit of a challenge (not for him tho) and end up receiving a few injuries

“Guess whos back?” you called out

Walking to the front door to greet you, gojo’s smile faltered a bit as he laid eyes on you

There was just a giant piece of metal stabbed into the back of your shoulder

“Welcome back. I see your going for a new look. Have to say im not the biggest fan” he says putting his shoes on

Raising a brow you question his wording and where he’s going

“We are going to go and see Shoko”

“Huh? Why”

Gojo points to your shoulder and you let out a surprised noise as you finally see the problem

“When did that get there?!” you yell 

How you didn’t notice this before was beyond Gojo

“This explains why Ichiji was freaking out so much then” you say going to remove it but gojo stops you

“You might not feel it but lets have a professional help you okay?” 

“But whyyy” “becausssseee” he says using the same tone as you

“It’s smarter” 

“Woah, Satoru using his brain? Maybe im not the one who should be getting checked out”

He chuckles as he opens the door for you. “Mean. Now lets go”

Sighing you nodded your head and both went off to see Shoko

Itadori Yuji:

Gojo had sent you two to clear out a building of curses

It was relatively easy

There was one or two curses that gojo failed to mention but you both still exorcised it

Meeting back up with you on the first floor his happy smile immediately dropped

“What happened?!” he yells running over to you

“Huh? Oh one of the curses ripped my school jacket, no biggie” you shrug and look down at your stomach

The white shirt you wore underneath the uniform was completely red and shredded

“Ah”

“Don’t ‘ah’ me! Thats really bad!” he says sitting you down

He pulls out some emergency aid and does his best to patch you up

“Did you seriously not notice??”

“Not at all, i just have a high pain tolerance”

“I think this is more than having a ‘high pain tolerance’, theres something missing up there”

“RUDE”

“I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT”

“No hugs and kisses for a day” “No fair! Er-enough about that for now, we gotta let Gojo-sensei properly patch you up”

“Honestly, Yuji. I’m fine”

“No you’re not!”

Fushiguro Megumi:

Similar to Yuji, you guys had just finished a mission and were meeting back up

Seeing your state his blank look turned more surprised

Head bleeding and one shoulder clearly out of place, that didn’t stop you from smiling brightly

“That was pretty easy right Megumi? Since we did this under an hour Gojo-sensei owes us ice cream”

He deadpans 

“Are you serious?” he asks making you nod your head

“Of course! I want my f/f icecream!” “No not about that, are you just going to ignore your injuries?”

“Injuries?” he sighs and walks over to bandage your head

“You’re heads bleeding and im pretty sure your shoulder is dislocated” “Oh wow” “how did you not notice??” 

You pause and look like your genuinely in thought

“Maybe it was the adrenaline?” “Theres adrenaline and theres being completely unaware that your seriously injured” he says wrapping your head a bit tighter than necessary

“Should i just pop it back in?” you ask gesturing to your shoulder  “i’d rather you let a pro do it”

 “like gojo sensei?” “I wouldn’t trust him with this…”

“You wanna do it? I probably wont even flinch” 

He denies your request since he doesn’t want to make it worse

“Aww, Megumi you do care about me” “what makes you say i dont? Of course i care! Especially if your injured” he says with tinted cheeks

You laugh and give a quick kiss on the cheek much to his annoyance

“Lets go get that icecream” “injuries first”

 “how boring”

[burningcowboyhoagietaco]

Tracy game night

Aaaand again thanks to @teapotteringabout for beta-ing my writing and for making me more confident about my writing.

Part1

☆☆☆☆☆

Scott: Hi, and welcome back to the Tracy game night. We apologise for being a week late.

Virgil: Yup, we're really sorry for that, but in the past week we were really busy with rescues. Even worse, we had to rescue Francois Lemaire.

Scott: And since we all liked that Tracy game night that Gordon created, we agreed to play it again, but Gordon is banned from being the host.

Gordon: At least I made everyone happy, not like you who acts like a boring grandpa.

Scott: Ignore that. After a long time of investigation, it turns out that this brat's "trusted source" was grandma and our old diaries back in Gran Roca Ranch. He's lucky that his heart is still beating.

John: Oh yeah, he's way too lucky! Because he's already dead to me.

Scott: Ignore that too. So this week's game is going to be everyone's favourite classic: ‘Truth or Dare?’ - featuring Kayo!

Alan while clapping: Woohoo! You got it, Kayo!

Kayo, with an anxious giggle: Thanks, Alan!

Scott: Plot twist, the loser will be punished. I will reveal how at the end.

Gordon: Yeah, I'll definitely lose.

Virgil: Yeah, you will.

Scott: Alan, truth or dare?

Alan: I'll choose dare!

Scott: I dare you to eat two of Grandma's cookies.

Alan, frowning: I hate you Scott.

The camera drone follows Alan as he goes down to the kitchen. Grandma is at the counter mixing something in a bowl. From the way Alan grimaces, it probably doesn’t smell good.

Alan: Hey, Grandma! Can I ask for two of your amazing cookies?

Grandma: Sure, dear! But I thought you never liked them.

Alan: Says who? I only refuse them because I'm full most of the time. I'd...uh, never miss a chance to eat them!

After eating the cookies as fast as he could, Alan clutches his stomach. His face turns green.

Alan, running up the stairs, past the lounge to the bathroom: Give me five minutes tops and I'll be back.

Scott: So, we lost the first one. Gordon, it's your turn! Truth or dare?

Gordon: Dare!

Scott: Okay, that was quick. I dare you to call Penny, put it on speaker, and tell her that your planned date on Saturday is cancelled for some reason.

Gordon, eyes wide: How did you know?

Scott, with a big grin: Trusted source.

Gordon: Fine.

He calls her and she immediately answers.

Gordon: Hey, Penny! I'm so sorry but I have to postpone our date to another day.

Lady Penelope: But didn't we plan it since last week? Did something happen? Gordon, please do tell me what happened.

Gordon: Don't worry, it's nothing to worry about!

As he starts explaining himself, he begins backing away towards the piano, turning off the loudspeaker and lowering his voice.

Scott: So we lost the other one. John, it's your turn - truth or dare?

John: Truth, I don't want to do a stupid dare now.

Scott: Finally, someone chose the truth! Tell us what your crush's name is .

John: I… pass.

Scott: What? You'll be a loser!

John: Better than you guys keep teasing me about her. Thank God Alan… he stops himself, clamps his mouth shut.

Scott: Thank God Alan what?

John: Nothing.

Scott: You told Alan, didn’t you?

John, not meeting his eyes: No.

Scott: Okay… some secrets are better left unknown. Kayo, it's your turn - truth or dare?

Kayo: I'll have to go with dare for now.

Gordon, returning from the piano and looking glad to be off the phone: Hey guys, I'm back!

Scott: Hey, Gords. Uh Kayo, I dare you to hold a butterfly.

Kayo: WHAT?

Alan rushing back to the lounge, looking much better: Sorry I'm late, did I miss anything?

Scott: Nah, you're right on time. Kayo is about to do her dare. Virg, can you come with me for a bit?

Virgil: Uh sure.

Scott and Virgil go downstairs.

Kayo, her voice starting to tremble: This is really bad. How are they going to get a butterfly at this time of night anyway?

Gordon: Who knows, maybe they already caught a butterfly and hid it somewhere?

John: I don't think so. These two are smarter than that, they can't possibly search the whole island for a single butterfly.

Alan: But they can ask someone to get them a butterfly.

Scott and Virgil are gone for some time. Kayo fidgets - squirms in her seat, stands up and paces, mutters under her breath. Her face twists with horror. Gordon and Alan try not to look too amused.

Kayo: Ugh, this is taking too long, it's irritating me!

Gordon: Seriously, what's taking them so long?

Scott: Hey guys!

He approaches them with his hands cupped together, Virgil following behind.

Virgil: As soon as Scott places it on your hands, don't panic! Because it might fly away and we don't want that to happen, got it?

Kayo, swallowing: Got it, but please make it fast.

As she extends her hand, Scott slowly opens his hands at the bottom, still not showing the butterfly.

Kayo: Why does it feel weird, and slimy?

Virgil: Because it's your first time touching a butterfly, you don't know how it feels.

Kayo: Can I take a look?

Scott: Yeah sure, but be careful. Don't make any sudden moves, it might fly away.

As she slowly opens her hands, it appears at first to be a small yellow butterfly.

Scott: BOO!

Startled by Scott, Kayo throws the butterfly.

Kayo: STOP IT, SCOTT!

The butterfly hits the floor with a slap. They all peer at it, taking a good look. It turns out to be a piece of butter.

Kayo, breathing hard: Virgil, would you mind explaining this?

Virgil: Well, Scott asked me to make a butterfly out of butter yesterday, and now he wanted to make sure everything was perfect.

Kayo: I promise that I'll make you regret your decision, Scott.

Scott: Whatever happens to me I don't care, because this was worth it!

Kayo, glaring: Haha, laugh as much as like, you're so lucky you got the 'butter' without the 'fly'.

Scott, grinning: Haha! Virg, it's your turn, truth or dare?

Virgil: since I'm the last one, and only one chose truth, imma go with truth.

Scott: Okay, then tell us who is your favourite brother? And why? You're not allowed to say "I like you all the same".

Virgil: Oh, now this is hard, it must be either Gordon or Alan, since Gordon is the funniest, and Alan most often helps me whenever I repair something.

Both Gordon and Alan stare at him with big smiles on their faces.

Virgil: Don't get me wrong, I do like you all but these two are special to me.

Scott: Oh, now that was an honest answer, I like that. And since John is the loser for today's game, he'll be the one making us dinner tonight.

John, visibly relieved: Fine by me.

Scott: And Gordon, you can invite Lady Penelope and tell her that you can go on that date. You can show her the footage of today's game too.

Gordon: Thanks, Scott! Now please stop the camera because I have a lot of apologising to do.

[zevlors-tail]

Good Enough (Villain Deku)

A/N: This was meant to go with this scenario as an extra add on, but I wasn’t able to finish it in time and so here it is by itself! This was extremely personal and self indulgent, so apologies if it’s not really relatable. I pulled straight from personal experience for this one. I really just wanted to vent have something I could come back to for myself, but maybe this will also help others. I’m still trying to get the hang of the comfort part of comfort fics. 

Also, I’ll be posting some original content soon and normal requests as well. I do really like writing emergency requests, but they also take a lot out of me.

TW: Self harm, mentions of a lighter, burns/burn wounds, treating burn wounds, negative thoughts. PLEASE MIND WARNINGS!

Villain!Deku

In this au, Vil!Deku and the reader are part of the LOV. 

Never enough.

Nothing you ever did was good enough. No matter what you did, said, or how you acted, you could always do better. Your family had instilled that thought into you, and your teachers and peers had only continued to nurture it until a small sprout became a blossom, that blossom eventually blooming and taking root in your mind. No matter the grades you brought home, you could have- no, should have -done better. No matter what you said, there was always something wrong with the tone in which you said it. Don’t talk back to me, you were told. Watch your tone! If you passed your test with anything less than a B? You’re smarter than that, you just need to apply yourself better. Are you paying attention in class? There always had to be something, always had to be an if, and, or but at the end of every backhanded compliment you got- if you even received any. More, they demanded. You need to work harder. You could have done better. It’s your fault that things happened this way, why are you like this!?

Why were you like this? You didn’t know. All you knew was that everything you touched seemed to crumble right in front of you. You never failed to ruin things, to hinder someone in the process of trying to enjoy your existence. Maybe you just weren’t cut out to feel and have good things. Maybe you didn’t deserve them. After all, where were all your “friends” and family now? The only ones left who tolerated your existence at this point were the villains you chose to align yourself with instead. And even then you were an outcast amongst outcasts, the weakest link between them all. The notion that you would never be good enough had been drilled into your brain so many times that you believed it now. Truly, really, wholly believed it with every fiber of your being. And so, when you’d fucked up during this morning’s mission, it came as no surprise to you.

It was supposed to be a small meeting between allies to exchange goods. You knew beforehand that the other group planned to start a scuffle, and so all three of you- you, Deku, and Dabi -had come prepared for that. But hidden weapons and strategies aside, you still managed to get yourself injured in the process. That wouldn’t have been so awful had it not caused any other problems, but of course that wasn’t the case- whenever you were involved, something always seemed to go wrong. In this instance, it just so happened that Dabi had to step in to cover for you during the fight while Deku helped you get away, and consequently you’d barely had time to grab any of the supplies you were after. 

Shigaraki was less than happy about the outcome. He didn’t tear into you, but you got a good scolding while getting patched up, and it hit you hard. You should have been used to it. You’d been told for so long that things were always your fault for not doing enough, so why weren’t you immune to the terrible feelings that came along with that fact? The words stung like salt in an open wound every time you heard them; they never failed to make you hate yourself. And of course since you were injured, you were put on bed rest for a while which only served to make matters worse for you. Why should you get to rest when Deku and Dabi did all the work for you and had to continue with their normal tasks? You were the one who fucked up- you deserved punishment, not a reward. 

And so...here you were.

You lied awake in bed, your head tilted back on the pillow while you stared at the ceiling fan spinning idly above you. It had to be some time past one in the morning, the normal sounds of daytime long gone and a tiny sliver of the moon visible through the window to your right. On the nightstand to your left, a little rectangular black object taunted you. The damage had already been done, punishment dealt by your own hand and yet- it wasn’t enough. Was it ever, really?

The sound of knuckles rapping against your door frame interrupted your train of thought, a familiar messy mop of green hair coming into focus as you stared at the person in the entryway to your room. 

“Deku...?”

Deku entered and shut the door behind him with a soft click before making his way over to you and taking a seat on the edge of your bed. He took a quick look around your room for a second before turning his gaze on you, and you propped yourself up to get a better look at him while he spoke.

“How’s your leg?”

“Still broken,” you teased with a halfhearted smirk. But it fell soon after, the reminder of what happened earlier in the day bringing back bitter feelings and memories. Deku scrutinized your face, eyes seemingly searching for something, though you couldn’t tell what.

“And how are you holding up after what Shigaraki said to you this morning?” His words were careful, voice calm as he asked. You took a long pause before answering.

“Nothing I do is ever good enough, is it?” A heavy feeling settled in your chest, your voice cracking in frustration as you reached up to angrily run a hand over your face. “I’m always causing problems for others and fucking everything up. There must be something wrong with me.”

All that self hate inside of you burned, doubts and insecurities stoking the raging fire within. For so long you kept in everything you were feeling, and now it was all spilling over in front of the one person you were supposed to keep it together for. Why couldn’t you just do something good for once? Why did you always have to taint everything? You didn’t want Deku to see you cry. You didn’t want him to feel any pity. You were supposed to be strong, and brave, and everything you knew at the back of your mind you weren’t. 

“I disagree. You’re being much too hard on yourself, doll.” Deku scooted back some and climbed his way up the bed to you, his back coming to rest against the headboard while you moved over to give him some more room. He gently patted his lap, and you leaned over to rest your head in it.

“But I’m not. I don’t deserve this; I don’t deserve to lay here and rest while the two of you have to pick up all of my slack because of something that was my fault. I’m such a fuck up.” 

Deku let you ramble on while his hand rested lightly on your neck, his thumb rubbing slow circles against your skin. When you were finished, he gave you a hum of acknowledgement and nodded a few times, his legs shifting a bit under you as he sat up straighter. 

“Now, doll, that’s simply just not true. All of those things you said were lies.”

“But they’re not-” you started, frustration evident in your voice.

Deku didn’t give you a chance to finish. “Yes, they are,” he said firmly, leaving no room for you to argue. “Are you really insisting that you’re supposed to be up and doing work on a broken leg? It seems I wasn’t clear enough the first time, so let me remind you again. You’re being much too hard on yourself. What happened this morning was purely chance. Sure, we had the upper hand, but that doesn’t always mean we’ll come out on top, and it wasn’t your fault things turned out the way they did. I was supposed to be in charge of strategies, are you saying I should have strategized better to avoid the outcome? Or that Dabi’s flames should have burned hotter so they could do more damage?”

“No,” you answered right away. You didn’t need to think twice about it; it wasn’t their fault, it was yours. “Those are things you can’t control. You only had so much information to work with and Dabi can’t change the temperature of his flames that much, at least that I know of.”

“So then why on earth would you ever think the same about yourself? The same principle applies to you as it does to us.”

You didn’t miss a beat as you replied, “Because I could do better. I need to do better. I need to be better. But I feel like there’s something missing... Maybe if I had all the missing pieces then I wouldn’t screw everything up! But I don’t, and I just keep ruining things!”

You curled in on yourself, your hands moving around animatedly as you spoke. For a moment, you forgot there was a reason you’d kept your wrists turned in for the majority of this conversation, and as your sleeve slipped down a little when you raised your arm, your self inflicted burns were momentarily exposed. Your heart stopped as Deku’s hand shot out to catch your wrist, and before you could pull away, he was inspecting the burn marks carefully.

“Did you get burnt in the fight as well? I thought Dabi was the only one there with a fire-related quirk...” You were in too much of a panic to answer him, but it turned out you didn’t need to; he seemed to be talking to himself. “No, these are much too new to have happened in the morning. This is recent, maybe an hour ago... How did this happen, doll?” 

“Cooking accident,” you mumbled under your breath.

“Really?” He sounded skeptical of your excuse, and for a good reason; there was no way you’d been up today to cook anything for yourself with your broken leg. He stopped to think for a moment before his eyes darted to your nightstand, your lighter still laying on top of the hard surface. You watched as the gears turned in his mind, and you knew the moment everything clicked- he made a quiet noise of understanding, and a sigh followed shortly after. “This isn’t just about the mission and what Shigaraki said, is it?” He let go of your wrist, and you turned to bury your face in his lap.

“I don’t deserve to be on bed rest right now. I deserve to be punished.”

A moment of silence passed between you while he waited to make sure you were done before he responded.

“That’s not true,” he warned.

“It is! I fucked up!” You had never sounded so desperate in your entire life. You were convinced that you had done something wrong, and your voice reflected that fact. Why couldn’t he see it too?

Deku tried to argue with you, his patience thinning with every cruel word that fell from your mouth. You could hear it in the way he spoke. “You did your best, love. That’s all that matters.”

“But it doesn’t matter; it wasn’t good enough! I’m not good enough!”

You sobbed into his lap, the crushing weight in your chest getting the better of you as you let go and broke in front of him. You were embarrassed, ashamed, and angry with yourself for experiencing something so raw in front of him, but there wasn’t anything you could do to stop it at this point either. Above you, Deku shifted slightly to get more comfortable before pulling you up into his chest and gently cradling you in his arms while you cried.

“Y/N, doll... You’re perfect to me; I love every single thing about you. You are enough- just existing is enough. And you deserve to exist and feel okay without having to punish yourself for it. You can have good things and you don’t need to suffer for them. You’ve always been enough, and you always will be. But this-” He gently turned your wrist over and lightly traced a finger around the edge of a burn. “This has to stop. It doesn’t do anyone any good, and you’re only destroying yourself little by little. It’s not a healthy coping mechanism.”

“I know,” you agreed quietly. “But I’m not sure I can stop-” It scared you to admit that out loud; saying it turned the thought into something real, something you had to really deal with now that you couldn’t just push the idea to the back of your mind and ignore it.

“We’ll find you an alternative. Everything’s gonna be okay.” You nodded silently while Deku continued to look at the burns. Suddenly he seemed lost in thought, eyes glossing over for half a second before he was moving to get up. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” Not that you could go anywhere anyway. He gave you a lingering kiss on the top of your head and then disappeared from the room, grabbing the lighter on your nightstand and pocketing it on the way out while leaving the door cracked open. You were confused until he returned with ointment and bandages and a determined look on his face. “Alright,” he started, sitting on the edge of your bed once more, “give me your arms.”

He worked silently at first, his brows furrowed in concentration while his skilled fingers carefully and delicately rubbed ointment into the wounds. It burned and left an unpleasant sensation afterwards, but it felt like nothing compared to the sting of the wounds themselves and the reasons you’d given them to yourself in the first place. You let him take his precious time, and when he was down to the last couple of spots, you caught his concerned gaze accidentally.

“You have to let me in, Y/N.” He moved on to bandages next and gently wrapped up your wrists, his hands warm against your rapidly cooling skin from the medicine. “This won’t be easy by any means, but if you let me be there for you, I’ll show you every single day that you’re good enough. You’ve been told so many times that you’re not; believe me just this once when I tell you that you are. What happened on that mission was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done that would have made the situation any better. And I’ve worked with you before; I’ve seen what you’re capable of. You’re always giving your best at everything you do, but sometimes doing our best means different things on different days. It’s not possible to be perfect all the time.”

He finished up shortly after that, and you thought long and hard on his words while he boxed the supplies back up and set it off to the side. Maybe he was right. You were tired of feeling like you had to be perfect all of the time, like you had to live up to unrealistic standards. But this had been going on for so long that you weren’t sure what to do anymore or how to fix it.

“I don’t want to feel like this anymore...”

Fresh tears welled up in your eyes as you leaned into Deku. He pulled you into his arms before laying down with you in the bed with your head tucked under his chin.

“You don’t have to, doll. You’re safe here, even from yourself. Everything will be okay. I won’t let you tear yourself apart like this any longer.”

For the first time in a long time, you did feel safe. Maybe Deku was right; you deserved to enjoy life and feel good without consequences. Maybe...you were good enough as is, right here in the arms of someone who loved you for you. And maybe, just maybe...things were going to be okay.

[cherrysha]

The Chase

Hey! First post on this blog and its something I’ve never actually written before! Its Yandere Hisoka because I just rlly have a soft spot fr evil bastards. I want to write a lil more on this one buuut ive got sum other baddies i need to write for first. Since its my 1st time writing a yandere fic feedback is rlly appreciated <3

My requests are open atm 

Warnings: Blood, a lil spit, Choking, Yandere themes, violence, slapping, crying, uhh Hisoka being a pervert but thats expected

word count: 1,600

18+ crowd here, minors get blocked.

Part 2 here

It didn’t take you long to understand why you were told to stay away. To be exact, it only took you three seconds.

-

“You know why no one has ever collected Hisoka’s bounty y/n?” your boss asked you after taking this mission.

Judging from his face you could tell the question was rhetorical. You rolled your eyes, waiting for him to finish his little lecture. “No one is stupid enough to walk into their own funeral. If you take his bounty you might as well pick out your own casket first, assuming you even have a body left to bury when he’s done with you. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave this one alone.” And with that, you left slamming the door behind you. No matter how many bounties you collected, it seemed like he just never gave you credit. It was just like him to underestimate your capabilities.

What a fool you were.

-

           That’s all it took. Three seconds and he had already sensed you. Even though you concealed your nen, even though you were a rooftop away, even though you took every single fucking precaution you knew, it did you no good. As you peered through your binoculars at him you were met with Hisoka’s full gaze, a sly smile spreading across his face. You felt it then, your hair standing on end, a sickening feeling in your gut. No, you hadn’t just walked to your funeral, you had sprinted.

You were running before you could even comprehend what happened, feet hitting the pavement as you tried to get as far away as possible. There was no time for you to be shocked, if his bloodlust was any indication of his power, you were as good as dead. There was no use in using any energy to try and conceal yourself now. He knew exactly where you were.

“I’ve got to be honest, you are definitely not what I expected…” Hisoka’s voice whispers into your ear. You faltered, your feet tripping over themselves as you felt the warmth of his breath on your neck. You couldnt hide the shock you felt that he had been able to catch up to you in such a short amount of time. Not many people could, and you had a head start. He lets you run anyway; his urge to murder you overpowered by his sudden desire to see you try to escape. No, he was going to savor this one. Hisoka always loved playing with his food and the way your heart was pounding was just too enticing.

-

You intrigued him, if he was being honest with himself. The chase had lasted longer than he had imagined. Any other bounty hunter would have stopped and tried to fight him by now. No, he could tell you were a smart one, you knew better than that. Hours of running had led to this moment and, oh, was he going to relish in it. 

After what seemed like forever, you finally hit the dirt, spluttering as your body gave out due to exhaustion. Such a weak little thing. And to think you truly believed you could take him on. It was laughable. The chase seemed as if it were over, Hisoka sighed, giving up on his hopes of toying with you even more. At this point he knew he might as well finish you off. He didn’t like playing with broken things, and right now there was no way you would ever be able to take him on. His eyes lingered over you, and something in him hesitated as he glanced at your crumpled form lying in the dirt, chest heaving with exhaustion. Hisoka’s gaze wandered over your body. He couldn’t help the smug smile that crept onto his face with how wrecked you look. Clothes grimy and tattered, bloody arms and legs from branches hitting your delicate skin. The sight alone made his mouth water. As you laid there and finally caught your breath his resolve to kill you started waning. But the thought of watching you try to run again sounded so boring. Both of you knew there was no point. Before he could jump down and finish you off, you spoke for the first time since his little chase started.

“There’s no point in hiding up there. I’m not stupid enough to believe I’ve gotten away.” Once he heard the lilt in your voice, he knew he wanted you. The twinkle that was still held in your dry throat was his undoing. How could someone run from death for hours and still sound as angelic as you did? He needed to know, he needed to hear more.

Your first good look at him was when he finally jumped down. Lithe and nimble, landing on his feet like a cat. He seemed well built, albeit his fashion sense was more than off-putting. “So perceptive…To think someone as smart as you would try to murder me. You should know better.” he chastised, circling you as you shifted into a kneeling position. This was it, twenty plus years on this earth just to go out in a single second. You sighed, it came with the job. You knew the risks. Now was no time to hold a pity party. “Can you make it quick? I promise you I’d rather die than hear you drone on and on about how foolish I am.” You didn’t look at him, instead you held your head down and waited. The chuckle he let out was low in his throat, almost imperceptible if you hadn’t been in the quiet of the forest. Surprisingly, his voice was still calm and collected as he smiled down at you “And what if I don’t want to do that? I don’t think you’re in a position to be making any orders little girl.” you held in the anger you felt bubbling to the surface, knowing that it would only serve to amuse him further. He wanted a reaction out of you, wanted to rile you up so killing you would be even more fun for him. You bit your lip, trying your hardest to resist the urge to punch his stupid face in.

Hisoka drew closer, bending down until you flinched away “Would you like to live?” he whispered, lips ghosting against your ear. His proximity sent a shiver down your spine, as if your body could sense how dangerous he was. “I’m not going to beg for my life Hisoka. You might as well end it now.” He groaned at that. God, did he love the sound of your voice saying his name. it felt as if he could live off of it alone. His fingers slowly traced your jaw until he reached your chin, pushing it up so he could finally get a good look at your face. “You’re a proud little thing aren’t you? No matter, I’m positive your defiant attitude will dwindle with time.” Your breath hitched at his last words. No, He wasn’t going to torture you if you could help it.

The anger was building up in your chest and you couldn’t help yourself when his face was just mere inches from yours. You spit, but that only managed to make his grin grow wider. Even though his demeanor seemed calm, his aura showed the opposite. Long nails dug into your skin as he gripped your jaw tight, blood seeping from the fresh puncture wounds. This time the laugh was audible, amusement in his eyes making your stomach curl. You werent given enough time to react to it for long, however. He lifted you off the ground by your throat, loving the way your hands instinctively curled around his arm. So soft and warm, so easily breakable. He wondered how long it would take to pull you apart piece by piece. Wondered how you’d look at him once he put all your pieces back together.

This was it; this was exactly what you wanted. A swift death. You closed your eyes again and waited as your airway was slowly constricted by Hisoka’s large hand. If you had kept them open, you would have seen the way he swiped your spit off of his cheek, sucking his fingers into his mouth and indulging in his first taste of you. His groan was mixed with a small whine this time. He wanted more; He needed more. His first taste and he already knew he would never get enough of you.

Meanwhile somewhere in the back of your mind you were amazed at how strong he was to only lift you with one hand, but you pushed it away. What a silly thought to have right before you die. of course he was stronger than you. Instead you tried to focus your mind on something better, something sweet. The sky right after a storm, the pond near your house with dozens of colorful fish, the feeling of your warm bed. Everything was going to be okay. You relaxed, letting the last of your breath go.

But within a split second he had dropped you, laughing as your body thudded against the ground. “Such an interesting little creature … A lot smarter than I gave you credit for. You already know just how to push my buttons don’t you sweetheart?” Gasping for air, you lay back in the dirt and allowed the tears to flow freely down your face and into the packed soil beneath you. You had been so close to cutting it short, so close to dying with at least a shred of your dignity left. To cry while on death’s doorstep was shameful, but it didn’t matter. It wan’t  like you could hide them once the torture started. Might as well lose your pride now, there wasn’t anything you could do. You were entirely helpless.

Hisoka saw it, the slump in your shoulders as the tears streaked through the grime covering your face. Those tears, he had to make sure that he was the only one who ever saw them. You were crying for yourself now, but once he got you home the only tears he wanted you to shed would be for him. From the pleasure he gave you. No, no one else could see them. They were his, you were his. He was determined to make you see, no matter how long he had to drill it into your stubborn head. The things he was planning on doing … he needed to ruin you.

Hisoka lifted you up by your neck again, but this time his grip was loose enough to allow you to breath. His hand came to your tangled hair, combing through before harshly yanking backwards only stopping once your face was mere inches from his own. You closed your eyes, not wanting to look at him. Not wanting to see the evil lurking just beneath the surface. Hisoka sighed, “Open your eyes for me darling.” You shook your head as best as you were able to with his grip still firmly in your hair. You couldnt trust yourself to speak, fearing your voice would crack and show just how weak you were.

 An audible crack echoed in your ears as Hisoka slapped you, biting back his moan at the whimper you let out. “Love, it’s impolite to close your eyes when I’m trying to speak to you. I thought my suggestion was enough, but if I have to use force then so be it.”. Fresh tears flowed as you stared at him, biting back your sobs as best as you could. You watched his yellow eyes flick to your cheek, smile widening in satisfaction at what he saw there. He tilted you impossibly close, licking up a trail of tears that marred your swollen and dirty face. “So sweet” he groaned, letting his head rest against yours. “And all mine.”.

[drawlfoy]

Detention, Retention, and Draco Being a Lying Shit -- Halloweek Day 2!

catch up on part 1 on my masterlist

request guidelines (in case you were thinking of it ;))

want to be tagged?

pairing: draco x reader

request?  nope

summary: 2 months of detention with Draco Malfoy might be a pain for Y/N, but Harry has other plans.

warnings: swearing, underage drinking (of course not endorsed by me...of course)

a/n: soooo things in my life have gotten a little crazy in the past 48 hours. you may have been wondering where part 2 was yesterday and while this post sums it up best, i’ll take a crack at explaining it here. my relationship got pretty messy and things have been a roller coaster ever since monday night my time. i try and be someone who can separate her emotions from her work but these past two days have made me realize how much my mood impacts everything :/ it isn’t my intention to lead you guys on at all and i want to keep writing this piece, but i apologize in advance if this doesn’t finish itself by friday. anyways, enough blather on my behalf. thanks to anyone who made it through this--you guys mean so much more to me than you know. i hope you enjoy.

tags! @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @shadyrose66622 @alwaysbeanunknownfan

word count: 1.3k

The plan they laid out over the remainder of the day was ambitious but at least do-able. Each week was split into different subtasks, the end goal being a somewhat tentative friendship between the two. 

“If you can flirt with him and get him to have a crush on you without scaring him off, you’d be in the best possible position,” Hermione told her as they walked back from the Quidditch pitch among the screaming Gryffindor fans. They’d won--yet again. “Obviously I don’t foresee that being likely, but if you pull it off somehow he’d probably be willing to tell you anything. The fact that you’re a pureblood is going to carry you through this whole ordeal. He’ll at least be accepting of your existence in the wizarding community.”

The bitter edge in Hermione’s tone made Y/N’s blood boil. There was no reason for Malfoy to be as prejudiced as he was--he’d spent his adolescence in Hermione’s academic dust. She was obviously smarter than him. 

“You got it, ‘Mione,” she said. Her voice barely carried over the cheers of her peers as they ascended the steps to the common room. “We’ll take this little ferret down. I can’t wait.”

“Don’t get too cocky, now.”

The Gryffindor after-party was crazy...per usual. The charmed self-filling goblets, the blasted playlist of Wizpop pumping through the air, and the buzzing energy of the room was giving Y/N a giant headache. She stood with Hermione and Harry by the edge of the crowd, watching Ron get hoisted up on the shoulders of the chasers. 

“No wonder the Slytherins think we’re Neanderthals,” Y/N mused. For once, Hermione didn’t respond. “Hermione? Is everything okay?”

The second she turned away to look at her best friend, gasps and whistles filled the room. She whipped back just in time to see Lavender Brown, a sweet but slightly ditzy girl in their year, pull away from a kiss with Ron.

“Oh shi--Hermione!”

Harry and Y/N shared a glance before darting after the witch--who had impressively already made it to the door. 

“Hermione, wait!” Y/N called as they jogged after her, throwing open the common room entrance and finding her sat by the tapestry on the other side of the hall, knees to her chest.

“‘Mione, what’s wrong?” asked Harry.

“Don’t be daft, Harry,” said Y/N. “You saw exactly what the rest of us did.”

“I don’t understa--”

“Harry.” Her voice was taut. “I know you’re just trying to help, but I think that it might be best if you let us be. Go back and enjoy the party.”

He gave her a tight, grateful smile before darting back through the door. Y/N wasted no more time in walking over to Hermione and throwing her arms around her shoulders.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, hugging her tight. Hermione made no move to detach them, so she continued. “Ron is an idiot. You deserve so much better--your first kiss was Viktor fucking Krum, after all. You’re hot stuff and this place is just unfortunately running dry of men who are impressive enough for you. Once you’re out of here and working in the Ministry, you’re gonna have the time of your life with men actually in your league.”

Hermione managed a sniffly laugh as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “It’s just so fucking embarrassing, you know. Like, I have a crush on him because I think he understands me and I smelled him in my Amortentia and I thought he’d like me back, but…” She hiccuped. “Then he goes off and kisses Lavender Brown, of all people. There’s nothing particularly wrong with her or anything, but she’s so different...I’m so bookish, and she’s so girly and everything I’m not…”

Y/N took the opportunity to tuck a lock of Hermione’s hair behind her ear as she listened.

“And it can’t help but make me think--was I ever anything to him but a friend? If the girl he ends up choosing is the opposite of me?”

“Girly, don’t think like that,” murmured Y/N. “He’s a teenage boy. They don’t think of love the way that we do--to them it’s a game of availability, not of choice. At least for Ronald. You intimidate him, and by extension, you’re not available.”

“That shouldn’t matter!”

“You’re right. It shouldn’t.” Y/N drew a long breath. “So you should find someone who always has you as their first choice--someone who isn’t intimidated by your intellect. They’re out there. I promise.”

Hermione managed a shaky smile. “Thanks, Y/N. I mean it. Do you mind if I have some alone time? I don’t think I’m ready to go back to the party but I just want some quiet.”

“Of course. Let me know if you need me,” she said, brushing herself off and making to walk down the hall.

“You’re not going back to the party?”

“Nah. It hurts my head and I want fresh air. If I’m not back here in a half hour, assume that I’ve been kidnapped.”

With that, she started her walk. She wasn’t planning on going on a long stroll--there was a small balcony that she often went to when she needed to clear her head. It was beautiful, especially on a snowy night like this.

But the walk was creepy.

There was only one way in and out--a narrow, damp hallway that had absolutely no light fixtures. If Y/N really wanted to, she could cast a quick lumos, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see what lived on the walls. The stairs were steep, too, but she managed to bound up all 40 of them in record time. 

“Who’s there?”

The sudden voice ripped a scream out of Y/N’s throat as she reached the top, catching a glimpse of the shadowy figure at the edge of the balcony that spoke. She clasped her hand over her mouth and she crept forward to the opening, getting a better look at the person that was in her secret spot.

The clouds shifted in the sky to allow more moonlight to cast a soft glow on Malfoy’s face, hardened with irritation.

“Malfoy?” Y/N asked, rather dumbly.

“What stellar observational skills,” he drawled. 

She felt her cheeks grow hot. “What are you doing here? This is part of the Gryffindor tower. Shouldn’t you be...I don’t know...playing hide and seek with the sewer rats in the dungeons?”

“Very funny.” His flat tone exposed the fact that he did not, in fact, find it very funny. “There’s no rule barring me from coming up here.”

“But why? This is my spot!”

“Because I wanted to get out. Now, I was here first, so unless you want your detention extended, I suggest you leave.”

Y/N bit the fiery comebacks on the tip of her tongue as the memories of her plan with Hermione began floating back to her. 

Week 1 -- Hold one neutral, civil conversation with Malfoy.

“I’ll be quiet. You won’t even know I’m here,” Y/N decided upon. leaning up against the balcony. The rogue snowflakes that made it past the overhanging roof melted on her cheeks. 

“That isn’t a suggestion,” said Malfoy. “I’m demanding you leave.”

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” Y/N asked, pointedly ignoring his words. “I’ve always loved the snow. It’s so quiet.”

“And it would be even quieter if you left.”

“Aren’t you the conversationalist?” said Y/N.

“If you don’t leave, I will hex you,” Malfoy told her through gritted teeth. 

“I just love how the moonlight reflects off of the snow,” continued Y/N. “It’s so...pure.”

“Please leave.”

On her walk back down the dank stairwell, she allowed herself a little smile. 

Task 1? Technically done.

final a/n: haven’t done one of these in a while! anyways, i hope you guys enjoyed! i have a luttle more written for part 3 so hopefully i’ll have that out tomorrow too :) let me know what you thought! do you guys think that, even if this is a draco x reader pairing, he’ll ever really tell her what his 6th year task is? i’m curius >:)

[topsytervy]

Not The Right Time ~ JJ Maybank

Blurb: JJ has a thing for you. Unfortunatley, it just isn't the right time.

Word count: 1,929 (give or take. did some last minute editing)

Warnings: mention of cheating, drinking, drug use (weed), swearing, not proofread so probably spelling mistakes, I think that's it.

Quick rundown because I have more of these than usual cause this one is slightly more descriptive of the reader (aka you): s/c = skin color, e/c = eye color, h/l = hair length, h/c = hair color, h/t = hair type (curly, straight, etc...)

Me somehow breaking out of my Rafe phase for a minute to write something JJ related? Yes, I am just as surprised as you are.

~~~~~~

JJ lounged in the hammock in the backyard, drinking his third beer of the night with a book next to him. This was a routine for him at this point. While you were out with your boyfriend, he went into the backyard to drink away his sorrows and stayed up until you got home to make sure you actually got home.

The nights when you texted him that you wouldn't be coming home, opting to stay at your boyfriends instead, were the worst for him.

If you asked JJ, your boyfriend was an asshole. He never liked him and probably never would. However, you were his best friend and roommate since you both graduated from high school so whatever made you happy was fine by him.

It just sucked that he wasn't the one who made you happy the way your boyfriend did.

JJ often found himself mesmerized by your beauty. Your beautiful (s/c) skin and (e/c) eyes often entranced him which usually caused you to nudge him.

"You good?" You'd ask.

"Absolutely peachy." He'd grin.

After all, How could he not be peachy with you around?

He noticed the way you'd play with your (h/l) (h/c) (h/t) hair mindlessly when you'd be focused on a movie or the way you picked at the skin around your nails when you got nervous.

JJ sighed as he crushed his now empty beer can and reached for another that sat in the cooler next to the hammock.

"Woe is me," he whispered, popping the tab of the new can.

He brought the can to his lips but pulled it away when he heard the front door open and close which caused a confused expression to cross his face.

He didn't hear a car pull up and drop you off like usual since your boyfriend often picked you up.

"Y/N!" He called, hoping that you'd hear him and that it was actually you and not an intruder.

He grew quiet as he heard faint footsteps from inside and the sliding glass door slide open.

"Yeah, it's me." You answered.

Your voice was barely above a whisper which caused JJ to turn his head to face you.

"Come join me for a drink." He waved you over, not being able to make out your face in the darkness.

You shuffled closer to JJ and the faint glow from the solar lights you guys had casted upon your face. JJs face dropped at the sight of yours.

"Oh my god. Y/N," JJ immediately dropped his can on the ground.

The contents spilled onto the grass as he took in your appearance.

You eyes were red from crying, black smudges of mascara on your face and your nose was slightly red, more than likely from the irritation of you constantly wiping it on your sleeve.

"What happened sweetheart?" He asked as he pulled you into the hammock.

"He's been cheating on me." You whispered, your voice hoarse as you laid on him.

He took in a sharp breath and his arms tightened around you. "How do you know?"

"He left his phone at the table when he went to the bathroom and I answered it. Before I could say anything a woman's voice came through and said hey baby. When I suggested she had the wrong number since this was my boyfriends phone, she said no this is Brett's number and that's when I knew."

JJ rubbed your back and kissed the top of your head.

"I am so sorry Y/N." He whispered.

You shrugged, feeling numb.

It was quiet for a few minutes before you noticed the book next to him. "Whatcha reading?"

JJ took an arm from around you and grabbed his book.

"A book of Edgar Allan Poe's works." He answered.

"Can you read to me?" 

JJ nodded as he opened the book. "Want me to start from the beginning?" 

"You can if you want." 

JJ flipped to the first page. "The Cask of Amontillado." He began as you made yourself comfortable.

After half an hour, JJ stopped and looked at you. Your eyes were closed and your mouth was slightly open. JJ smiled as he made himself comfortable in the hammock. You looked so peaceful and he wasn't about to risk waking you up just to try to get you in your bed. 

He wrapped his arms around you and closed his eyes, letting sleep take over.

******

The next morning, you woke up with a small headache and placed your head in your hands.

"Hey, I made you scrambled eggs with cheese and those ham cubes you like along with some bacon." 

Your head turned towards the voice and you saw JJ walking over with two plates of food, setting them on the patio table that was placed a few feet away from the hammock. 

JJ walked back inside as you stood up and walked over to your breakfast. You stretched as JJ came back with a bottle of apple juice for you and a beer for himself, pulling out his chair before sitting down.

"I was thinking since neither of us work today, we could steal the HMS Pogue from John B and go out on the marsh. Just the two of us. smoke some weed, drink some beer. You know, the usual." The blonde suggested, popping a piece of bacon into his mouth as he did. "Hell, maybe even just stay out there the entire night. We'll pack plenty of food.“ 

You stayed quiet and forked some eggs into your mouth before reaching for your apple juice, attempting to open it. After a few unsuccessful attempts, JJ held out his hand and you gave the bottle to him. He opened it with ease and gave you the bottle back. You took a drink before returning to your food.

Technically, he wouldn't be taking the pogue without John B's permission. He had talked to John B about taking it after a call this morning, telling him what had happened. John B had said the boat was all his for the day and all JJ had to do was to let him know when JJ was planning on confronting Brett so he could get a few punches in.

"So…me, you, and the Pogue out on the marsh?" JJ asked again.

You sighed. " I don't know, J. "

"Okay, I know that last night was rough and I'm 100% sure Brett will get what's coming to him, but today is about making you feel better and I know theres nothing you like more than chilling in the middle of the marsh with a joint in one hand and a beer in the other, maybe some swimming beforehand." He saw you thinking about it and knew you were leaning towards yes so he drove it home. "Plus you like sleeping under the stars and you're always napping on the boat. Why not combine them?" 

You bit your lip, the idea tantalizing.

You nodded. "Okay but don't be all mad cause I'm all mopey." 

"I won't. I'll be fishing while getting high with my best friend." 

" I thought JB was your best friend?" You smirked.

JJ placed a finger to his lips and sent you a wink. "Shh. Our little secret." 

****

You sat on the blanket-covered floor of the HMS Pogue, a joint being passed between you and JJ as you sipped on a beer and ate the abundance of food JJ had brought with.

It was hours later, darkness had fallen and the stars had come out.  JJ had stopped at The Wreck to order a shit ton of food before you took the Pogue out and paid for it all despite you offering to pitch in for half.

"Oh no no no. Rule #1 of friends supporting a friend whos been broken up with: the one who has gone through the break-up doesnt pay for anything the day after."

"Oh yeah? Who made that dumbass rule Maybank?" You crossed your arms, eyebrows raised.

"Uh, I will have you know JJ Maybanks Rules To Help A Friend Through Heartbreak is a number one best seller." JJ shot qt you.

"Oh yeah. I bet that that fake ass book is raking in all the fake ass dough and your signing plenty of fake ass boobs at your fake ass book signing." You nodded.

"Actually, the fake ass bookstore that is holding my fake ass book signing doesn't allow boob autographs. Something about it being inappropriate apparently." He grinned.

You took a bite of your sandwich as you passed the joint to JJ. 

"You know what JJ?"

He hummed in response as he took a hit off the joint.

"This was really nice and I had a really great time today." You grinned.

JJ smiled, happy that the smile was back on your face. " I'm really glad Y/N/N. You know you deserve this, right?" 

You shrugged, taking a sip of your beer before taking the joint back from the blonde.

"I'm serious, Y/N. You deserve this and way more. You deserve someone who can give you everything you need and want." JJ scooted closer to you.

"If I deserve everything like you say I do, J, then why wasn't I good enough for Brett." you whispered.

JJ took the joint from your hand and placed it in the ashtray he had set on the floor before moving next to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulders, pulling your body into his side.

"It's not that you weren't good enough for Brett, Brett wasn't good enough for you. He's a damn fool for letting you go. I've heard Kooks like Topper talking about how bad they want to date you. If a Kook wants to date you, a pogue who hangs out with me who every Kook hates, that means you're a pretty remarkable person." JJ told you.

You felt yourself smile at his words. "You always know what to say, J. Sometimes, I wonder why you haven't used that intelligent brain of yours to woo yourself a girIfriend."

 JJ scoffed at your words.

"I'm serious JJ. You are so much smarter than you think you are. Both streetwise and bookwise. You read me Edgar Allan Poe last night as if it was your first language and didn't even stop to ask me what any words meant like you usually do around the others. You shouldn't hide your smarts, J. Smart you is way sexier than dumb you." JJ felt himself blush and you ruffled his hair as you turned your body to face his. "I wish you let everyone else see the JJ Maybank I see."

JJ sighed. "I don't woo any girls with my words cause it's either not the right time or not the right girl." 

"Come on JJ. You're 20 years old and you mean to tell you haven't met one girl you didn't want to be in a long term relationship with?" You asked through a mouthful of sandwich, hand covering your mouth.

"I never said that." 

your eyes widened as you swallowed your food and took a swig from your beer. "You like someone right now!" JJ rolled his eyes. " Oh my God. Maybank, spill! What's stopping you from going after her?"

JJ took the blunt from the ashtray and took a long slow drag before turning his blue eyes onto your e/c ones. "Like I said, not the right time. I have to wait until I think she's ready for a relationship."

~~~~~~ 

[alesreadings]

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo.

5 stars.

“No mourners. No funerals. Among them, it passed for 'good luck.” If we added as soundtrack Gimme Gimme by ABBA to this book, it would fit. Can y'all imagine Inej, Jesper and Wylan stealing the tank and running away with that song on the background? Masterpiece. *chef kiss* Six of Crows is by far one of my favorite books. I read it two years ago, after the Grisha trilogy and I have to admit that Leigh Bardugo has improved tremendously as a writer. I consider this a much better story than her main trilogy. The plot, the characters, the writing, the pacing, the descriptions, the worldbuilding and the breadth she has given it is perfection. I'll go in order to describe how much I loved this book. In Six of Crows, we follow six misfits who have a common goal: thirty million kruge. They have to go to the Ice Court in Fjerda, the "safest" prison in the world and rescue, or kidnap, Bo Yul-Bayur, a Grisha who accidentally created a drug called jurda parem, which sharpens and increases the Grisha's powers, taking them to high and unknown levels. We have a sharpshooter who can't stay away from a good bet. A wayward son who was kicked out of his father's house and is underestimated, but is very smart. An ex-convict accused slaver, the world's most handsome, lovable, and idiotic fjerdan brute, out for revenge. A lost Grisha who makes a living healing people and trying to get the fjerdan out of the jail he put him in. A suli girl who is basically a ghost, the Wrath, a spy who defies the laws of gravity and is a sweetheart of a person. And finally, our favorite swindler: the Bastard of the Barrel, someone whom legends have turned him into a monster, someone without scruples, without morals or conscience. Will they be able to unite to achieve their goal and come out alive? Or will they end up killing each other before they reach Fjerda? Plot. As I said, compared to the Grisha trilogy, Six of Crows is perfection at its finest. It's not the first heist book (I've only read this one, sorry), but it grabs you from the first moment. I love that Leigh has taken up the Grisha again - I must confess that I love the Grisha order and how she has placed them - and that in this book she continues to include them as a fundamental part of the plot. Just like the first time, Six of Crows grabbed me, although I never understood why Joost and his chapter, I did feel bad that he was all dead. Each chapter had me hooked and begging for more. Even the very end left me screaming and crying like crazy. I have to repeat it: Miss Bardugo, this is a masterpiece, an exquisite and divine piece. Every plot twist had me in suspense or saying "I need more". It's a more radical departure from what we were given in the Grisha trilogy. They steal, explote things, destroy places and make great entrances, lol

Characters. Kaz "killer cane" Brekker. I want to protect him, and at the same time beat him with his cane. His story is touching at a certain point and makes you understand how or why Kaz became who he is now, why he is such a bastard, arrogant and fearless at the same time. There is never a challenge hard enough for him as he dares to prove otherwise. He shows us that he is one step ahead of the rest, and if he runs out of tricks, our demjin manages and invents more. Dirty Hands is a magician, a monster thirsty for revenge for the death of his brother, Jordie, thanks to a scam Pekka Rollins pulled on them when they were just kids. Kaz is full of secrets, tricks, schemes and more that it's scary to know what he's thinking. He's a bastard forged in the very cauldrons of hell, a seventeen-year-old kid who worked his way up through tooth and nail, using his brother's corpse to swim and get to where he is. Inej "The Wrath" Ghafa. Inej was captured and sold as a slave to the cursed Tante Heleen, who owns a brothel. Inej has the ability to go unnoticed, so much so that Kaz Brekker did not feel her approaching him. In any case, Kaz pays Inej's contract with Heleen and joins the Undesirables, becomes Kaz's right-hand man and his spy, or spider. Kaz and Inej are obviously in love, but they don't confess it to each other because it's complicated, and I don't know if I want to yell at them to kiss, or punch them to make them realize it. Inej deserves the whole world. She can stab me and I would appreciate it. Nina "my queen" Zenik. Nina had joined the Ravkan Second Army and was captured before the civil war in Ravka, she was imprisoned by the drüskelle to be taken to Fjerda to be tried for her crimes, which are basically: having powers. She is a heartrender, order of the Corporalki. She met my other goddess Zoya Nazyalenski. Well, anyway, Matthias was one of the drüskelle who imprisoned her and when their ship sinks, she saves him. Nina and Matthias wander around in each other's company and in the end, she brands him a slaver and Matthias ends up imprisoned in Kerch. One can feel the tension between them: enemies to lovers vibes, yup, I live for that. In the end, to save them all, Nina decides to consume jurda parem and knows that she will experience drastic changes in terms of her power and herself. Matthias "the tulip" Helvar. He is my beautiful baby, the most adorable bear and the cutest brute of all. You don't know how much I have laughed for him, he is so innocent in many things that I want to protect him from everything and everyone. Yes, I have a thing for blond brutes (Nikolai Lantsov, I'm talking to you too). From the first time I read Six of Crows, I instantly fell in love with Matthias and will be in love with him until I die. Amen. I already know what happens to him in Crooked Kingdom and I don't want it to come to that. Seriously he deserves all the love in the world, and even though I wanted to punch him many times, I also wanted to hug him and tell him that everything is going to be okay. In the end, Matthias renounces the beliefs that were instilled in him, accepts reality and becomes a Dreg, fighting against his own people. Jesper "crazy hands" Fahey. Jes is a Zemeni boy who came to Kerch to study at the university, but by chance, he ends up becoming a gambler. Jesper is a Grisha, a Materialki, and only Kaz and Inej know his secret. He is a fairly agile sharpshooter and a gambler who can't resist a good game without knowing he will lose. In a slip of the tongue, Jesper confesses what they are about to do and as they are about to leave Ketterdam, they are attacked. Jesper is a baby and I must protect him from all evil and danger. Plus, I really ship him with Wylan. Wylan "little merc" Van Eck. Another baby. I want to protect him from everything and everyone, especially his bastard of a father. Ugh, I hate him. When Jan Van Eck proves to be the jerk he is in front of his son, I wanted to cry with rage because my little baby boy doesn't deserve any of that. Wylan is smarter than others give him credit for, and

even Kaz thinks that just because he can't read doesn't stop him from doing amazing things; he doesn't put it that way, but I do. Worldbuilding. We find ourselves in a totally different country from Ravka. In the Grisha trilogy, we focused more on a description of Ravka, but now, we have two different places: Kerch and Fjerda. Although Shu Han, Novyi Zem, and Ravka are mentioned again, Ketterdam is a fairly fixed point. The description of the places is incredible: you seriously imagine it as a Dutch city in the Victorian era. Tell me I wasn't the only one. I don't know what else can I say about these assholes that I haven't already said. They're so chaotic, funny and you attach to them really quick, even if you want to kick them. I can't really believe they're 16-17-18 years old: they feel really older and "mature", but once you know them, you realize they're a bunch of kids trying to make a heist. Anyways, I loved Six of Crows with my entire life. I'm a sucker for this masterpiece and I'm really looking forward Crooked Kingdom, but knowing what happens to my tullip makes me wanna cry, scream and destroy the world. We stan Kanej, Helnik and Wesper, bitches. I love my Dregs. :')

[talas-starlight]

Scarred Spirits - zuko x fem!reader (pt.6)

SUMMARY: Y/n has been tailing Azula since Omashu and struggles to carry out her mission while protecting what matters most (AHAHAH THIS WAS THE WORST SUMMARY EVER IM SORRY)

WORD COUNT: 4k (uh wow this is my longest piece ever and i- AHAHA)

WARNINGS: panic attacks, fighting, swearing, angst? Tbh if you’ve made it this far in the series nothing new I think (lmk if I forgot anything)

KEY: *** = flashback && italic = internal dialogue

PREVIOUS PARTS: part 1  /   part 2   /  part 3  /  part 4  /  part 5

MASTERLIST: Here!

The cool breeze swept through the palanquin as Azula sat assuredly, ruling everything she passed. “Okay girls, Father has sent word that the machinery and our wonderful new pets will meet up with us soon to chase down the Avatar until he’s too exhausted to even think anymore! Then, we’ll be off to capture Zuzu and Uncle! Victory will be ours.”

“That sounds extremely boring.” Grumbling as if Mai had so much more better things to do with her time.

“Hmm, I have to disagree Mai. What would be more fun than making them feel like there’s no escape but having to fight which they would inevitably fail at trying to win because they’re tired beyond repair!! It will be such a sweet victory.” Letting out a small laugh that sounded nothing but maniacal to you, Mai didn’t say another word as Ty Lee giddily nodded in approval.

Now, that is a tragic sight to see despite how understandably so.

Azula, Ty Lee and Mai have been planning how to hunt down the additional target from the moment they all stepped out of Omashu. Yet, based on that recent encounter, it was more so Azula rather than anyone else. Luckily enough, you were able to stay out of sight the entire time, and nothing requiring you to intervene has occurred. It was only a matter of time before that lucky streak broke.

After much contemplation and sleepless nights since the third anniversary, along with recent events, Zuko finally came to a conclusion. Approaching his uncle with great certainty, he finally let out what has been on his mind.

“Uncle, I thought a lot about what you said.”

“You did? Good, good.”

“It’s helped me realise something.” Letting out a deep breath, getting to the point came quite easily to him, especially since Iroh’s back was still faced towards him.

“We no longer have anything to gain by travelling together. I need to find my own way.”

Not wanting to stay for any of Iroh’s possible rebuttals, he silently reached for his belongings that he had pre-packed for the occasion and turned to make his solo journey into the forest. As he began to walk further into the woods on his own, Iroh knew he wouldn’t turn back for him, so he did the first thing he could think of to aid his nephew if he couldn’t physically be there for him.

“Wait!” Rushing over Iroh grabbed the Ostrich Horse and gave him to Zuko- for someone who has barely been exposed to the real world, he knew his nephew couldn’t do entirely on his own. Even if the animal couldn’t properly speak with him.

Accepting his uncles’ gesture, he climbed on top ready to get on with his own mission of sorts. On his own, Zuko would finally have the chance to do something he never had time to consider until now; find you.

Looking out onto the horizon, the giant, ugly piece of machinery continued to charge its way towards a hopeless group of young teenagers. “Despite how much I hate that girl, I will admit, her determination is unparalleled.”

“Eerrnngggghhhhh!”

“You can say that again.”

It had been approximately three days since Azula received her new toy, and she spent every single minute catching up with the Avatar. To your relief, she seems to have finally caught sight of him, and hopefully, this would also mean that you might finally be able to stop tailing her. In the past three days, you haven’t managed to catch a single minute of sleep or a break, and while this was something you have experienced before, you were sure that your ride was more than ready to collapse at any second.

In all honesty, when a Fire Nation hawk landed near your campsite four days earlier, the last thing you expected was word that you would be receiving assistance for your mission. Not once before had this occurred since you’ve been entirely left to your own devices. You supposed it was because the stakes were too high this round.

***

Y/N.

I am pleased to hear that my daughter is able to catch sight of the Avatar and his assistants in crime against my great nation. While I am sure you are clearly focused on your task with ensuring Azula succeeds in bringing my disgraceful relatives back to the palace, you must extend your attention towards the new targets as well. Regarding my son and brother, I was disappointed when I heard word that they got away since I made it perfectly clear that you must finish the job. On this occasion, I will take the benefit of the doubt since it would be too suspicious if you completed the mission on Azula’s first attempt.

I have dispatched 3 mongoose lizards for Azula and her company. A fourth will be on its way for your use, as it is paramount that you do not let her fail whatsoever.

I have taken the precious and personal time out of my day to write and send this letter so that word does not reach my daughter of your mission. Let this also be a reminder of the possible bounty on your head if you choose to fail. I am sure the pitiful state of your body is enough of a reminder of what I can do to you.

Regardless of your past services to me, remember this is the ultimate test of your loyalty to your nation and me.

Your Fire Lord, Ozai.

Despite informing you that help that was on its way, you spent the rest of the night in a state of turmoil. Talk about having a way with words.

How in Spirits name did that stupid bird find me?! It flew away quickly too so I guess I don’t need to send anything back but… What am I really doing here?

Ozai seems to have some way of finding me so clearly, I can’t run away. Yet, I’m not going to allow him to take anyone back to the Capital…

Frozen in your thoughts, your focus stayed fixated on the fire you ignited earlier in the night.

Fuck I wish I could talk to her. She’d know the right thing to say, and everything would be okay again.

Roughly tugging at your braided hair, you held your legs to your chest desperately trying to clear your head. Stop, don’t think about her too.

Oblivious to any concept of time, when the first rays of yellow and orange peak over the horizon, your mind instantly enters a state of calm. Almost as if it were able to strengthen you from your core. Although while the problem remained, with a stronger mindset, you forced yourself to accept that you were just going to have to work it out further down the line. At this rate with Azula’s split focus, you weren’t even sure if you would have to take care of the Avatar or Zuko first.

***

Funnily enough, it seemed that fate decided you would have to deal with both at the same time since Zuko has caught sight of Azula and friends and now you were tailing both him and his sister. How convenient.

I wonder where Iroh is? Didn’t he get away with Zuko when they ran off the ship?

After keeping out of sight through every moment Azula came even remotely close to Aang, you decided to follow her when she separated from Mai and Ty Lee. But before you entered the area to keep an eye on everything from afar, you noticed Zuko on his Ostrich Horse as if he was waiting for the right moment to interfere.

“Be careful Zuko.”

Whipping around at a speed that could give him whiplash, his face instantly turned into nothing short of a scowl when he recognised your voice.

“You again?! Whoever you are, you need to get away from me. Leave. Me. Alone!”

Attempting and failing to take a step closer to him as he steers his horse a few steps back. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just trying to protect you, that’s all I want to do. If I could have it my way, you’d be far away from this place; away from Azula. You can’t trust her. This isn’t right, and you should be somewhere that could give you a fresh start, like Ba Sing Se.”

“As if you would know anything about Azula or why I’m here! I need to regain my honour, and I’m doing the right thing! Stop trying to meddle with my life when your role in it is completely insignificant!”

An indignant sigh passes through your lips. “Fine. Just be careful. Please.”

Scowling at you once more Zuko tugs the reigns on his ostrich horse to take him further into the abandoned village. You try not to let his anger get to you, but at this point, you’re unsure if you’re more upset or annoyed with his attitude. Sighing under your mask, you do a quick check that all of your weapons are strapped in place since it seems that this interaction isn’t about to end peacefully.

“Let’s do this.”

Hopping off your new lizard friend, you stealthy broke through one of the broken windows of a nearby building, ensuring that you were staying out of sight.

Ah, it seems he wasn’t wasting any time.

“Back off Azula. He’s mine.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

As the three of them got into their fighting stances, you almost wanted to jump in right then and there to help Aang. The sight of his painfully dark under circles was too much of an indicator that this fight wasn’t going to be an easy one.

Making the first move, Azula strikes her blue fire towards Zuko. Luckily enough for him, he was able to deflect it with his own. Observing the fight take place before you, it eventually gravitates further away, leaving you to only listen to what is occurring from your hidden spot.

I wonder how long until I’ll have to step in. With both Zuko and Azula on the offence, it’s clear that one of them is going to get hurt. Something tells me it’s not going to be Azula either. If only he fought smarter rather than harder.

What. A. Pity.

Soon enough, your suspicions were confirmed when you heard Zuko let out an angered scream, followed by a loud crash. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t let out a small snicker at that.

As Aang comes back into view, you scan around for an exit knowing that if you stay where you are, you’ll get caught. Yet when you make your move to run, half of the roof is swiped off clean, causing him to plummet towards the ground. Abandoning any thought, you sprint back to where he’s about to land, quickly catching him.

Stunned that there was another person in a building, Aang frantically looked around, trying to identify who it was that caught him. Eventually, he noticed your eyes peering through some of the broken wooden ceiling around him, your black mask confirming that it was you. “Woah! What…? Oh spirits, it’s you!”

Eye’s widening at how fast he managed to work out that it was you, you desperately tried to dig yourself into the wreckage as you felt Azulas fire coming closer. “Shhh! She’s coming.”

“What? How do you know-?”

As Azula saunters into the building, her infamous smirk adorning her face. Wordlessly lighting up the room's perimeter in flames, Aang begins to struggle against the piece of wood on top of him, consequently crushing you further from under him.

Letting out a small grunt, you scold him under your breath, “stay calm.”

Your inner peace y/n.

Just as Azula raised her right hand to strike, you closed your eyes, imagining a moment you felt at peace. A moment that made you forget all of the chaos your created in the world.

***

Cold, smooth fingertips tenderly reached out towards you, instinctively making your lungs tightly squeeze together as she brushed the hair out of your eyes. The delicate giggle emitting from her pink stained lips was enough for you to lose all sense of constraint as you take a small step towards her. Hesitantly as you stare that the ground, you take her hand in yours, stroking the back of it with your thumb. The action is so small yet feels so loud in your chest because this is as close as its ever gotten.

Just when you’re about to pull it away completely, terrified that you’ve gone too far, her other hand reaches up, lifting your chin ever so softly as she makes you look at her.

“It’s funny y/n, because even though I’ve lived here my whole life, I’ve never seen snow look quite as beautiful as it does in your hair.”

***

When you reopen them, the heat of your fire runs its way through your veins and your fingertips. The fallen remains all around you burst away, freeing yourself and Aang from its constrains. Seeing your golden fire of pure energy light up the room, Azula is stunned into place, instantly recognising it from the day she visited your cell all those years ago. Glowing golden, eyes peering into the deepest parts of her, it's unnerving how the unusual feeling sinks into her bones. Yet, her moments of distraction leave her as Katara reaches the entryway whipping her arm with water.

Complete rage fills Azula’s body. Not only had she been wholly blindsided by your presence, but she also lost focus. And Azula never loses focus.

Whirling around, she strikes at Katara, sending her running out into the open. Needing to make up for her prior incompetence, Azula runs after her.

“Woah! How did you do that?! That was so cool.”

“There’s no time; you need to go out there and help your friends. Never underestimate that princess.”

Aang’s amazement towards how you freed both of you from the crushing weight of the ceiling faltered as he noticed your choice of words.

“Come with me. Please. I need you.”

Sensing the certainty of his decision, you brushed off some ash from your clothing, wordlessly making your way out of the building.

I’m going to regret this.

With Aang following closely behind, you both join Sokka and Katara, and they face Azula, ready to corner her. Yet she wasn’t giving up just yet. Sending her fire with precision, she takes turns in having a shot at each of you. Luckily enough, you were all able to hold your own.

Backing away slowly, you can tell she thinks that she’s almost about to get a proper hold of the entire situation. But to your greatest joy, she falls flat on her face.

“I thought you guys could use a little help.”

This must be Aangs new earth bending teacher.

“Thanks.” Did Katara just smile?!

Not wasting the opportunity that came with their small distraction, she makes a run for an ally as an escape. Although, once again, she is faced with another hurdle being Iroh, ultimately allowing all seven of you to finally corner her.

In true fashion, she doesn’t allow it to bother her one bit, “well, look at this. Enemies and traitors all working together.”

Taking in everyone one by one, she pauses when her eyes lock with yours. “Even you. Pathetic scum, it seems you still haven’t learnt your lesson. I always told father we should have disposed of you from the moment we caught you.” With that comment, you see Zuko glance towards you in your peripheral vision. This is nowhere near the time right now coal brain.

“I’m done.” Raising her arms in surrender, you almost want to laugh. Do these people seriously believe Azula right now?

“I know when I’m beaten. You got me. A princess surrenders with honour.” Standing before everyone, you instinctively fixate yourself on her, searching for a microexpression to indicate what she’s really about to do.  Her smug smile clearly shows that she’ll most likely attack. But who?

By the time she decides on her target, it’s too late. Sending a direct stream of fire towards Iroh, Zuko lets out a horrified scream, instinctively setting off everyone to attack with their element, or weapon in Sokkas case. You on the other hand, rushed to Iroh’s side knowing that the others were more than capable on their own.

As he lays passed out on the ground, panic slowly swarms in your chest. Fuck, another person is dying because of me! I literally saw her focus on him!

Placing your hands on his chest, you let out a deep breath trying to remember a trick you learned on a mission a while back when you got a deep cut to your side. Focusing on him and his faint heartbeat, despite being a bit shaky, you were able to use your fire, providing him with enough energy to bring his breathing to a steady rate. But the moment was short-lived when you heard an explosion go off, giving Zuko the opportunity to get to his uncle's side, and in turn, shove you away from him.

“Get off him! You’re always in the way! Arghhhh!”

Haistly scrambling to your feet, you stand beside Sokka, understanding that it’s best you try not to help him right now. Katara, on the other hand, didn’t seem to share those feelings with you.

“Zuko, I can help.”

“LEAVE!” as he strikes towards you and everyone else, you stumbled backwards. Memories of a similar flame being struck towards you by his father felt like something inside you snapped. While not directly hitting you, the heat radiating down upon you caused your head to spin, and vision to blur.

It seemed that despite training with fire for the past three years, the action coming from him sent you down a spiral incomparable to anything else.

i-I can’t... I’m…

The earth bender girl immediately sensing what was happening to you didn’t hesitate, “Sokka! Grab her! Quickly, we need to go to Appa.”

“What?! Why me!”

“Shut up!! Her heart rate is literally through the roof right now. We need to help her! Can’t you see her shaking right in front of you?!”

Finally taking a good look at your trembling form, Sokka was too stunned to move.

Aang immediately agreeing with Toph, nudges him before setting off in the direction of Appa. “Sokka, NOW!”

Snapping out of his panicked, frozen state, he rushes towards you, scooping you up into his arms.

“Oh Spirits, I am so so sorry if I’m invading your personal space right now. Please, I’m so sorry. It’ll only be until we reach Appa, okay? I’m so…”

Fisting the cloth of his shirt, you shake your head. “It’s o-okay.” Pushing your face into his chest, you try to regulate your breathing in time with his heartbeat. Something was so unexplainably comfortable about having someone hold you that all of the memories of Ozai burning you, began to make its way back into the depths of your mind. So comforting, that at some point between the village and Appa, you passed out.

When you awoke again, you were high up in the clouds with the sun high in the air. How long was I out?

Deciding to sit upright, the first thing you see is the Water Tribe siblings and the earth kingdom girl facing you.

At first, you thought Toph was about to speak up, yet it seemed that Katara’s suspicions of you beat her to the punch. “Don’t think of moving too fast or trying anything! You're cornered now.”

Your eyebrows raised at that. “Alright, then. How would you like me?”

Upon, hearing your voice Aang physically perked up, completely beaming that you were awake. Without a second thought, he trusted that Appa would be able to fly for a bit on his own, making his way to all of you.

“I’m so glad that you’re okay! I was really worried about you.” Taking his place next to Katara, you were shocked at the stark contrast between his attitude towards you, and hers. It’s like he genuinely cares. Well… I guess that makes sense considering he’s an Air Nomad. Oh spirits, does this mean he’s going to pay even more attention to me than when we first met?!

“Uh… thanks. I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to.”

“No, of course I did! Plus, I’m grateful that you helped me out with Azula! It’s the least we could do. Right guys?” Still having his glowing smile, he turns to his friends, and it seemed that the only one who truly looked indifferent with the entire matter was the earth kingdom girl who just nodded.

“Thanks, Toph!” Finally, a name.

Once again, Katara was displeased, “yeah whatever. If she’s going to stay with us, she’s going to have to tell us who she is. Don’t think we didn’t hear what Azula said back there about you. You need to explain what she meant by that. How does she know you, and what do you have to do with the Fire Lord?!”

At those questions, you weren’t too happy either, “I don’t want to stay with you! I just need to leave and find Azula again.”

For the first time since you woke up, Sokka decided to say something. “Why would you ever want to do that?! Why do you keep wanting to go back to her when you keep getting separated?! If you ask me it’s clearly a sign that you should stay away because she’s completely insane! She even knows you followed her and everything, so she’s going to have her guard up.”

“You don’t understand. If I don’t get back to Azula, people are going to get hurt. I’ve literally saved your lives on two occasions just by tailing her. Now, think about all of the people she can harm when no one’s watching. I’m also a threat to all of your destinies by being here.”

Uncomfortable with the tension that’s been building at an alarming rate, Aang moves so that he’s sitting in between you and the other three. “Okay, I understand, but could you please explain why you’re a threat by being here? You need to stay safe too, your life matters just as much as everyone else’s and even though you’ve proven yourself more than capable of protecting yourself, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll be safe if you go to her and I can't let you go knowing your life is at risk.”

“Aang, there are always risks. Spirits, all four of you are at risk, but you know that it's for the greater good to end this war.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not the same. We have each other; we look after each other. You don’t have that. Please. You don’t have to tell us everything now. I understand since we’ve only met once before, but I promise no matter what it will all be okay and you can be apart of our team. Our family.”

On that note, you hesitated. A family?

No. The spirits have made it clear enough that a family is not in my cards.

“That sounds great, but I don’t think it’ll work out.”

Sokka lets out a frustrated groan, “What? Of course, it will! I know I’m not your biggest fan, but it's clear you’re just as against the Fire Nation as the rest of us!”

Looking around at all of their faces, you can tell that even though Sokka and mainly Katara, still clearly have their reservations about you, they understand where Aang is coming from. Heck, if it meant that they had another person on their side and against Azula and the Fire Nation, that was already a win. You almost felt guilty when you saw their horrified faces as you revealed the truth.

“It won’t work because I’m the Fire Lords personal assassin.”

 taglist: @slythergirlimagines​​ @mangoberry43​​ @eridanuswave​​ @whiskeywinter89​​​ @kaylove12​​ @simplyfandomish​​ @khaleesi-of-assassins​ @callums-keith​ @ilovespideyyy​ @calciumcow​ @blackhood5sos​ @nnon-it-up​ @lozzybowe​ @scarletemeterio​ @reclusive-chicken-nugget​ @simpinforsukka​ @chewymoustachio​ @tiffy119​ @sokkassuki​ @spearbatty​

a/n: hehe hiya friends!! Thanks for reading hehe I hope you enjoyed!! Lelel lmk your thoughts or any predictions for what you think is guna happen next hehe

alsoooo did anyone spot my lil inserts for our second lead? AHAHAHAHAHA

don’t fear either!! Zuko will learn eventually hehehe

but anyway i would love to hear from all of you if you have any feedback as well :))

[quitethepirategal]

An Analysis in Threes

❥ TAGGED BY: @emcads​ like 30 years ago ❥ TAGGING: @riidcr​ @starsailingcaptain​ @covencrown​ @hookd​ @all-fleshed-out​ @evermxre​ @motherofredemption​ @bup1957​ @conquistadoradelmar​ @seaprofound​ @tcthinecwnself​ @withinycu​ @windguided​ @daevilhorns​ @concordia-cum-sinistro​ and YOU and I spent like 8 hours on this so pLEASE READ IT PLEASE I AM BEGGING I NEED VALIDATION I’M-

     repost don’t reblog. yall dont have to type this much.

MUSE: Captain Red Handed Jessica

Three Strengths:

     Her adaptability and resourcefulness.  Is she brave, yes.  Is she lucky, also yes.   But over all, she can roll with the cards she’s been dealt in a way that many would call inhumanly clever.  Her intelligence, her perception, and her charisma are all different ingredients of this indomitable characteristic of hers.  She can see the value in just about anything and anyone, can pick up on clues and tangents few others can follow, and can remember seemingly endless details, tho unfortunately not on command.  But even then, her patchy memory seems to contribute to this adaptability as well, as it usually allows for detachment.  If she can find resources everywhere, it means she can survive everywhere. There have been countless times where the wheel of fortune has suddenly turned on her and she’d lost near everything and her response was more or less Damn, ok I need food water and shelter lets go.  No food?  Grow food.  No water?  Ask someone if they have water.  No shelter?  Sleep outside.  No money?  Steal money.  Can’t hear anymore?  Cool I can use loud weapons.  Crashed on an island?  My island now.  Shot?  Free bullet.  She knows when to push, she knows when to quit, and sometimes she knows when to gamble based on her ability ( what a man can do and what he can’t do and all that ).  Strong she may be, she knows its foolish to rely on strength.  Survival of the fittest actually rarely means survival of the strongest. ( edit; this is the theme for the entirety of her character. I will say it 50,000 times. I am very sorry ).  And as a student of philosophy and biology, she understands that phrase better than most. Leading to our next point.

     Her understanding.  As I stated, her charisma is something unmatched, and is a key element in all three of her strengths.  This charisma might not exist as prominently were it not for her ability to understand.  She has limited ( I’ll get back to that ) but deep running empathy and while not terribly observant all the time, she is always perceptive.  Not only that, but she’s personally known abuse, hardship, and uncertainty, and understands that hate or anger can be rooted in similar pain.  She was schooled lightly in both Christian and Buddhist values before diving heavily into democratic philosophy, meaning she believes all being experience suffering and therefore kindness is a powerful sign of strength, but also that suffering while free and equal is better than comfort in oppression.  And between her sweet words and beautiful face, she can get most people to open up in ways they themselves my not have expected.  Being very good with people means she can learn from them, gain something from them, lead them, and/or use them.  But Jessica isn’t a manipulator in truth; her intentions are almost always kind or healthy ones.  She absolutely uses people from time to time but not EVER without them consenting to or being made aware of such because again, unlike a manipulative person, she understands that can ruin a relationship and therefore ruin a resource.  What it makes for is an excellent leader, a beloved captain, and a trusted ally at most and an excellent conversationalist at the least.      But her understanding isn’t just social, oh no.  It’s academic as well.  Armed only with his little library and the lessons of his own teachers, Jessica’s foster father tirelessly smithed her into a not just a girl who knew a lot of things, but a truly intelligent, thinking mind. He’d die before learning he’d succeeded tenfold.  Jessica isn’t one to just except things as they are, facts or otherwise.  She usually needs to prove it, experiment, see things from a new angle.  Debates with her are fun!  She has no issue admitting she’s wrong or confessing she’s never thought of it that way, and is actually wrong a lot of the time.  It doesn’t bruise her ego, it excites her.  It means there’s more to learn.  And her ability to constantly understand new concepts paired with her ability to overwhelmingly understand people combine to make for a very powerful core idea of hers:  We are fittest to survive because we all fit together.  Our humanity, our empathy, our community are our strengths because they keep us united, which keeps us the fittest.  No one is independent, no man is an island.  People are power. And thus her final strength is just that.

     Her power.  While she and I still firmly state that strength isn’t everything don’t be disillusioned; its very goddamn important.  And it’s something Jessica has plenty of.  She is durable and clever because of her rocky early childhood, she is quick and versatile from her youth in a pirate port, she is physically strong and mighty from her years training in martial arts, and she’s an absolute crackshot after years of diligent practice with her trusty pistols.  Her true strength may lie in her brains and in her allies yes, but even without them, Red Jessica is a powerhouse of a warrior.  She can end fights extremely quickly or run from them without a prayer of catching her ( no shame in the later, both skills keep you alive ).  And it may be in bad taste to say, but ever since loosing most of her hearing, Jess swears up and down it’s made her vision better, her reaction time faster, and her quick thinking even quicker.  Yes of course she’s slowed down with age, but a bullet shoots at the same speed no matter how old you are.  And you best hope she didn’t bring her firecrackers, because while sudden loud noises will absolutely temporarily discombobulate or debilitate an opponent with healthy hearing, it’ll hardly effect her at all and suddenly, you’re a sitting duck.  You see those thighs?  You see those calves?  She can crush PINEAPPLES with them!  People have seen her do it!  Do you know how many micro-fractures broke and rebuilt those hands?  Thousands!  She can crush a trachea like a fucking beer can!  She can kick you to death!  One ill placed curb stomp and you are DECEASED.  Sometimes she’ll just psyche you out because she KNOWS you know she can kill your stupid ass!       But while her strength, mental and physical, have always been there, her power is relatively new.  As stated before, people are power.  Not knowledge, not money, not strength.  People.  She’s a fearsome warrior but she’d be useless if outnumbered.  Shes a very successful pirate, but she’d never make it out of port without a crew on her ship.  She found a gorgeous island, but it’d still be wild without those who built it’s piers and buildings.  She manages orchards and tends to them and harvests them herself, but she would loose all of her crop without the helping hands of her employed farmers.  And like I mentioned, she deeply understands this.  Freedom is not independence or vice versa.  Did you make the clothes on your back or the fabric that made those clothes?  Did you write the books you read to make you smarter or teach you that skill?  Did you plant the seed years ago that grew that orange you’re eating?  No, of course not.  Jessica didn’t either.  Another human did.  We all need each other to fill the holes in our lives that we can’t fill ourselves.  Humans are puzzle pieces in that way, there is no bigger picture or prayer for survival on our own.  And because of this, we can do anything we as a community, as a SPECIES work together to achieve.  There is no knowledge if there’s no one to learn from, there is no money if a society don’t give it value, your money is worthless if those you’re paying decide to rise against you, your role as leader only exists at the consent of those you lead, and your strength won’t save you from a sinking ship.  People are, and always will be, power.       And as someone who is exceptionally strong and exceedingly smart, Jessica has slotted herself in the humanity puzzle thusly: The strong exist to protect the weak, the smart exist to educate, and the lucky exist so the unlucky may be given aid.  And it is with this fairness and compassion that she has won the trust of so many.  She has a great many friends and allies even outside of those in her crew or on her island.  And she can make many more with ease.  That kind of power is not a power to be trifled with, even if she can kick your ass six ways to Saturday without it. 

Three Weaknesses:

     She suffers ADHD.  Now before ANY OF Y’ALL SAY ANYTHING, I myself also suffer ADHD.  And yes I do say suffer because well that’s what it causes for Jessica and I, suffering.  Yes, it is ableist language to say ‘suffering from’ rather than ‘has’ or ‘is diagnosed with’ and yes it perpetuates a stigma against us but god DAMN IT in both Jessica’s case and mine, it make life much much harder than it needs to be.  At the end of the day, Red Jessica is a fantasy of mine; I pour myself into her whether I mean to or not.  She’s the adult I wish I was, the person I might be if I had no anxiety, or brainfog, or lived in a world were I didn’t need a credit score or a degree. And even then, I can’t say I know anyone else’s problems better than my own.  So if my character has problems, by sheer osmosis they are going to reflect some of mine.  Both of the characters I write have ADHD because I have ADHD and I couldn’t even begin to know how a non-ADHD mind works to write it properly.  And no, I’m not being dramatic when I say it causes me suffering.  I can’t drive, I can’t hold down a job, I nearly flunked out of school, I still cant read very fast or spell very well, I am constantly overwhelmed by mundane things, I’m a slow learner, I forget very important things or recent things, I forget about things that mean the world to me, I forget about people, I stumble through tasks, I procrastinate hobbies and basic hygiene, and everything I do takes all goddamn day and I can only really do one important thing at a time and in order of importance.  If I have a date at 4pm, I’m dressed and ready at 11am because I’ve gotta do the important thing first or else I will forget to do the important thing.  I started typing this at a little before 5pm.  It’s 7;30.  It’ll probably be 10 o’clock at night by the time I fucking finish ( edit: l m a o its 1am bitch you thought ).  I’m 26 and am just medicated enough to barely function.  So yeah.  Suffering is the word.       Though for Jessica, perhaps suffering is a tad strong of a word.  Her ADHD affects her ability to function in far less debilitating ways ( though whether that’s a result of a less severe diagnosis than me or the result of the society, situations, and responsibilities she functions in and around are far different from mine, who’s to say ).  For her, she has very consuming hyperfixations that can last anywhere between weeks to decades, a spotty memory that is detail and memento oriented,  she’s scatterbrained more often then not but can focus with amazing clarity on her interests or in high adrenaline situations, is is ABYSMALLY bad at math and EXCRUCIATINGLY bad with numbers ( as opposed to me, who is good at numbers but shit at spelling or reading ), she can forget anything no matter how important it is to her or to anyone, she’s bad with names and dates, is COMPLETELY time-blind, has trouble prioritizing, and of course, wile not actually that materialistic, she absolutely has the ol’ magpie instinct.       While her poor memory assists in her adaptability and ability to move on, it also means she forgets things she needed to remember, like when the last time she bathed was and who this person is and what happened between her and someone else or what conversation’s shes had.  Unfortunately this means she’s a very good friend and leader... while you’re around and interacting with her on at least a weekly basis.  It’s almost a lack of object permanence in both a social and very real sense.  If something is not right in front of her, odds are she’s not going to think about it.  And while its something she constantly kicks herself for and actively tries to be better about, it applies to people too.  Face to face is the best way to interact with her; she won’t think to write you and in her modern verse she won’t think to ever call and she’ll text you back in perhaps a few days.  She doesn’t value you any less, I promise.  She’s just either distracted or overwhelmed.  Also, for someone as understanding as her, she is surprisingly self-centered.  Not selfish, self-centered.  She’ll talk about herself more than she should, and will assume people understand that she’s doing so as a form of showing empathy rather than bragging when they may not know this at all.  Actually she accidentally assumes all the time.  It was far worse when her hearing was functional; she’d finish your sentence for you or guess what it was you were going to say ( again, not to talk over, you but to show she understands you and the conversation, tho it usually came of as annoying or patronizing ).  Sometimes she mistakenly assumes you believe or know the same things she does without even realizing it.  Maybe she perceives the right idea off of someone but isn’t observant enough to notice anything past that.  And while she is willing to change her mind about things, she might change her mind a tad too quickly.  She’s an over-sharer and is horrible at keeping any kind of secret.  Romantic relationships tend to fizzle out. Her impulse control is improving but has a VERY long way to go. She’s always chasing something new.       All and all, when you’re a pirate, a librarian, or even a captain, all of these things may be irritating and inconvenient, but are overall manageable in chunks.  ...But as a governor to her island, as a leader of an entire population... oof. In the position of leadership that she’s in, she can’t afford to make too many massive mistakes, and she knows this.  ‘There is no power quite like the power of being underestimated’ is a phase you’ll hear her say a lot but for her, there is a shift in connotation.  If people expect less and you do more that’s a great upper hand in any situation but for her, it was a safety net.  Having ADHD sometimes means going months or years being fine and then eventually you fuck up and everyone around you wonders how in the world you managed to do that.  She has only barely avoided disaster more times than she’d like to admit.  Even with the resourcefulness, the understanding, and the power she wields, she’s finally starting to realize that she’s bit off more than she might be able to chew, with the entire well-beings and livelihoods of others on the line.  And she fears that one day she’ll play her cards wrong and everything she’d built, everything she’s done, will all come crashing down in ruin.

     She is Hard of Hearing.  This one is literally as simple as it sounds: she has moderate and degenerative hearing loss and tinnitus after years of canons, explosions, gunshots, and a definitive, scale tipping attack in her early 30s.  Her ears just don’t work at all like they used to.  The whole world sounds like it would if everything was underwater: she can’t pin point the location of sounds, how far off or close sounds are, and barely registers changes in volume. And it only gets worse the older she gets; one day she won’t hear anything at all.  And while yes, again, it might be very harsh and ableist to say, the truth of the matter that being deaf a “ weakness ” more often than its a strength.       That said, it very well can be a strength.  I’ve already mentioned that trick with the firecrackers and let me tell you it is a DAMN EFFECTIVE TRICK.  Shes around explosions and canons and guns all the time and now she can focus while being around them five times better than she could in the past!  But unfortunately it also means she’s very easy to sneak up on, she sometimes isn’t aware of danger until it’s nearly too late,  no one can get her attention or warn her across any distance, it’s very easy to escape from her, and it’s easy for her to be just... left out of things.  She might hear you talking, but she has little to no idea what you’re saying without sign or lipreading.  Some people don’t have the patience or even just the courtesy to speak slower, or clearer, or repeat themselves a lot.  Though, those last too thinks aren’t weaknesses of hers so much as they are the weakness of others, but they still negatively affect her self esteem and her effectiveness as a leader.       All of this has taught her to pick her battles carefully, and plan around the elements of surprise and discombobulation.  And while communication was tricky at first, it only got easier, and now she can talk to you almost like anyone can, so long as she’s looking you in the face. 

     That damn bleeding heart.  We have established a number of things that should easily add up to an overly empathetic, trusting, fight-the-good-fight, martyr-some, idealistic pushover;  she believes humanity and kindness are strengths, she has taken on the role of leader and then a provider, she has known suffering and tasked herself with ending the suffering of others to the best of her ability,  she lacks the clarity of mind to assume people aren’t just as good or capable as her automatically, she can have poor impulse control at times,  she wants to have relationships, and ( while I never stated this outright yet it can be inferred  ), she believes that being able to see yourself in others is the foundation of humanity and ( as i did say outright ) humanity is what keeps us unified and unity is what makes us fit and strong.  Keeping up?  Good. Here’s the curve ball: How can she whole hardheartedly preach and believe all of this, to the point of it being the foundation of her character, WHILE BEING A VIOLENT THIEVING AND BLOODTHIRSTY PIRATE?!  HOW, MANGO? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!  Ok, fine, sure, I will. I’m sure about one half of you are looking up from the screen and going “ Oh yeah, wow I totally forgot that bit. “ and the other half got about two and a half paragraphs in before squinting and silently calling bullshit. So let me explain.      In short, she’s a detached hypocrite and is well aware and unashamed of her hypocrisy while far less aware of her detachment. I’ll cover both:  Western culture as a whole seems to be under the impression that hypocrisy, despite context or importance, is automatically bad.  I don’t know where this comes from personally ( my bet is Christianity but I have exactly 0 evidence ) but its a very... flawed idea.  Take the freedom of speech vs racism problem; say you owned a bar where all could speak their mind freely over cold drinks.  Excellent concept without context, right?  Sure. ....Then a die hard racist covered in slurs and symbols walks in and orders- what are you going to do?  The correct answer is to throw him out instantly.  Not let him sit so long as he doesn’t cause trouble, not just ignore him and hope he doesn’t return, you throw him out.  Is it hypocritical?  Yep!  Sure is!  But it is also 100% necessary to protect your other patrons because if you don’t, the racist starts feeling safe and bringing his racist buddies, literally everyone else starts feeling unsafe and starts to hang out elsewhere, and two months later, ta da!  You now own a n*zi bar and there is literally nothing you can do about it. Jessica is in a somewhat similar situation.  You as a pretend bar owner need to make a decision as who to let into your bar and who to throw out for the good of all of your patrons.  Jessica too is faced daily with that decision.  If she want’s to help as many people as possible, the only realistic way she can do that are by protecting those under her leadership... only.  She is surrounded by hateful, angry, sneaky, traitorous, abusive, or otherwise evil people.  Piracy as a profession and poverty in general can do that to a person.  Of course there is a clear difference between those down on their luck and desperate, and the truly cruel and twisted, but unfortunately both types of people yield the same wrongdoings.  It’s absolutely her nature to extend a hand to anyone and everyone but.... she just can’t anymore.  Too many times has her trust been betrayed, too many times has she gotten in peoples business trying to be helpful, only for her to absolutely bite her in the ass.  Too many time the extended hand is bitten and once or twice, she’s actually made things worse.       Now, she will only help someone she loves, someone under her leadership, or someone who seeks her out.  That’s it.  And even then, sometime it manages to bite er in the ass.  But she had to set that hard limit for herself out of necessity, one she does her absolute best to adhere too and... these days she adheres a little too well. That leads us to our next point; what I was alluding to at the beginning of her Understanding essay when I said she has limited but deep running empathy.  That detachment again, courtesy of a very unattached mother and unchecked ADHD. ( It isn’t a strong enough characteristic to even rank as a strength or a weakness but damn if it isn’t an undercurrent to a lot of her motivations and experiences. ) Strangers are fair game that she tries to ignore, but if she even perceives you as a threat, you could be in danger. Like anyone used to violence or perhaps anyone trapped in an us verses them mindset, she can just... flat... turn her empathy off.  Not on command, she’s not a socio or psychopath persay.  But she has become totally numb to the horror of violence via her warrior upbringing that, in her mind, violence can actually be rather fun. Pair that with the fact that she purposely tailored herself to only be empathetic to her allies and boom.  You get a kindhearted killer.  Cops and soldiers in our world do it literally every day.  Actually anyone can do it really, even you if you tried. You don’t have to be evil or even angry to kill or steal or lie... you just have to believe you’re right.

Three Secrets:

     WHAT SECRETS?!  LMAO this bitch is the oversharing queen!! I’ve been typing and pondering her character for literal hours ( its currently 11:16, fuck you adderall ), and I still can not think of a single goddamn secret.  There is nothing about her that at least five random people don’t fucking know about!! The only secrets she has are secrets she knows about other people and even then she is!! literally the worst!! She spills her guts left and right and yet she wants to be a mysterious bitch SO BAD like BABE I love you, you’re precious, but you are a dumbass attention seeking validation chasing adhd CLOWN girl!! Stop telling random people about your hermaphroditism or your dairy allergy or your dead dad or that time you fell asleep in a barrel like that is literally your uber driver Jessica honey come ooooon. I’m skipping this section mom holy fuck.

Three Fears:

     What if she does wrong by everyone who trusts her?  As stated at the end of the ADHD essay, she’s terrified of failing those she leads.  Where it as simple as personal failure, she’d be fine.  Ever if her entire world came crashing down on top of her she’d either die or start back from square one.  Death is a fact of life and her adaptability means she can just dust herself off and move on, so neither her death nor her failures really scare her... But it isn’t just her life and happiness at stake, is it? Not anymore, right?  What started as a leader of a small gang of rebels became a full crew, then a crew became a slew of allies, then those allies built a town and now... now she’s the governor of the Crimson Isle and there are nearly twenty five HUNDRED lives at her mercy.   HER mercy.  One really, really bad mistake could ruin their livelihoods or spark disorder and disloyalty.  And if she died?  Would whoever it is that will take her place be as good to them as she is?  Is she good enough to begin with in the first place? Every day the paperwork gets a little bit thicker, every year there’s a new baby or two.  And the isle has fertile soil sure but will it last?  Are they prepared for a raid or a hurricane?  And if Jessica trusts the wrong people, where her people right to trust her?  ...can I protect them? Can I protect them?! CAN I PROTECT THEM?!

     Who am I if I’m not interesting?  This is, literally, an entirely subconscious fear.  She’s not at all aware it exists and therefor this entry is short. But between her short time with her very unimpressed mother, her own ADHD, she is constantly hungry for attention without even realizing it.  She must be interesting and intriguing and engaging, and I did mention she wants to also be mysterious.  She wants not so much your input or even your validation - but rather if shes not perceived then.... is she really there? Remember, she is unaware of any of this.  And fortunately she’d never been starved for attention to act out over it in the first place, even when her disinterested mother was alive. Look at her; she’s radiant, she’s beautiful, and she’s 6′4 / 195 cm shredded and covered in cool scars. Without even opening her mouth, without even her colorful clothes, she’s kind of automatically interesting.  So she’s never been so desperate for attention that she acts out because she’s never been without it for very long.  But it’s there. Hungry, aching, silent.  Those years after the M branding were horrible and she could never really explain why.  She still throws parties, organizes festivals, and talks to damn near anyone who will listen.  Look at my art!  Look at my library! Listen to how much I know! Let me tell you how lovely you are! Look at my scares! Look at my hair! Look at me haha, please, please look at me. 

     GHOSTS. NOPE. No. NO. Fuck ALL of that noise. Stay dead, go to hell, eat a dick.  Red Jessica is a scientist and superstitious atheist. As an academic and somewhat bi-cultural woman she simply thinks there are far too many religions with far too much history for any of them to be considered The One True Thing You Must Believe Or ElseTM and she tends to not truly believe anything until she finds some kind of proof.  Shes not afraid of the unknown, shes thrilled by it. She’s not afraid of death or the afterlife, that’s beyond her control. She’s only superstitious because she does believe in and value luck, and also its a bit of a cultural habit. BUT IF SOME SHIT STARTS MOVING ON ITS OWN OR IF SHE SEES SOME BULLSHIT IN THE CORNER OF HER EYE THEN SHE IS OUT OF THERE. OUTIE 5000. She has heard the tales of lost souls from purgatory or the eternally ravenous Pret or dangerous Phi Tai Hong or the tragic and startling Banshees or the creepy Santa Compana and she wouldn’t believe a word of it where it not for one thing.      SHE FUCKING SAW ONE. She’ll never forget it, it was the first and last time she EVER attempted to plunder a tomb all Skyrim style and at first she thought it was one of the crewmean being creepy as shit until she got a good look and he was SEE THROUGH AS SHIT AND SKINNY AS FCUK AND SHE GOT LITERALLY CHASED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT JOINT. She does not CARE that some ghosts are just apparitions she does not CARE that some are friendly and trying to warn her of something if you are MOVING and DEAD at the SAME time get FUCKED. If any of y’all cringe try-hards bring a Ouija board to the party you are getting SENT HOME and BLOCKED. NO CAP.

Three Goals:

   She really only has one left. Listen its... almost 1am and ive been typing since like 5pm i think i covered goals somewhere in here but ive gotta throw in the towel but even then I’m kinda being serious.  Her only remaining goal is to find a suitable heir of some kind.  She wants what she’s built to fall into worthey hands but she could never seem to find a good parter and even when she did she couldn’t sustain a pregnancy ( you’d think that would be a huge deal but it hardly mattered to her oddly ).  So at 50 the option of having kids is out but there’s still plenty of hope for either adoption or a protege.  But then again, she’s so busy these days that she hardly prioritizes it like she wants to.  

                                                                               holy shit i need some water...