#queued cuz… it’s 2 am… help me��

[ilovejoll]

Cool and interesting caption idk it’s 2 am

[danpuff-ao3]

Self-Celebration

me: oh no, I've gotten nothing done, I'm a failure

them: wow, Danni, how do you do so much????

I, maybe, need a good reminder of all of my accomplishments, so here we go. Everything I've accomplished this year so far. That I remember, anyway.

Threw together my HP Astro series; edited and formatted and posted to AO3 in time for Bethy's birthday!

Got White Lies & Silver Bells ready to go live on AO3 as soon as Hoggywartyxmas reveals were up!

Wrote Again (and Again) on a whim, to accompany A-Loveunlaced's Snarry art

Wrote a BUNCH of random drabbles for a House of Snarry challenge. 6 of which I also posted to AO3! (A handful of which I have not yet.)

Wrote 5 fics for Kinkuary! 2 of which are in the same universe as Contempt. 2 of which are not yet posted (waiting for the 27th and 28th!) 1 of which (the longest of which) I wrote, edited, and posted same day! The day after I had a tooth extraction.

Wrote 3 fics for Chan Fest! All of which I wrote, edited, and posted same day. 2 of which are 5k+ words!

Various words in various other places.

Brainstorming for other fics.

Co-modding @hp-chan-fest

Starting @hp-fruit-fest (and running solo, RIP me)

Modly duties on the Snarry Sanctuary Discord server

Keeping on top of my AO3 comments! (You know, responding to them.)

New HP Astro posts (Lily, Snily, Luna, and Ron (to be posted 3/1/23!))

Made several ship and fic related playlists on Spotify

Made TONS of fic banners on Canva.

Several rec lists! 8 posted so far, and a few queued up!

Got my home office all set up and cozy!

Brainstorming ideas with friends

Helping alpha/beta/cheer read for friends

Try to stay involved in the community/socializing on Discord, Tumblr, Twitter, Reddit.

Supporting other creators as much as possible!

Finally took the time to learn how to create work skins on AO3!

And site skins!! And finally got all fic stats and personal stats hidden (for mental health!)

Fought with site skin codes on behalf of a friend, to get it tuned to her liking, so that she has a clean and stress-free environment if/when she returns to fandom! (The perks of having your friends' AO3 login haha!) (This took like an hour I stg and I was being way too stubborn to stop fiddling and consult a guide.) (But oh well, I did the dang thing!!!!)

Started compiling resources I need to begin book binding! Still a ways off before I can start cuz supplies are not cheap, but I'm on the right path!

ALSOOOOO

Working a full time job

Spending time with my longtime partner (my beloved Eddie-bear!)

I actually watched a still-newish show for once! Wednesday!

Finished reorganizing/decluttering my home

Baked...a lot. Mostly cookies. Going to bake brownies this weekend!

Many doctor's appointments

And medication changes

I filed my taxes!!

Oh yeah and started being a teensy bit more sociable at work! I had a nice long conversation about ASTROLOGY the other day which was fun and great and awesome.

Oh let's not forget about all my work accomplishments! I made 8 years with my company. All the people coming and going (which I get to deal with.) Our census going way up. Many IT calls and playing IT person for small tech problems. Many errands run. Oh yeah and all the new tasks I get to do because our funder and our corporate office BOTH love changing expectations frequently.

So like...there's stuff I wish I could do and haven't been able to yet. But I'm far from a failure! Or lazy, for that matter. I am a lady of ACCOMPLISHMENT.

[futureseaempress]

u gotta understand hs is one of those staple problematic™ medias and peoples shock at others still into it is largely that. cuz theres so much blatantly obvious shit wrong with hs it is kind of astounding seeing new or current fans. a couple steps removed from being as embarrassing as being a south park fandom mfer

I think I get what you’re saying?? I’ve been into homestuck since 2012. I know it’s a staple problematic media. I raise you: what media ISN’T problematic. DREAMSMP is everywhere at cons rn.

Homestuck is egregious given that a lot of it is “dark humor” “edge lord” “shock value bait” but it’s goofy to me to react like it’s the worst thing that’s ever graced the internet.

also no need to tell the homestuck fan it’s embarrassing to like homestuck I ASSURE YOU I KNOW.

I don’t buy that ppl are genuinely shocked being scandalized by my enjoyment of a thing.

making the same old jokes, that are actually their only way to “be in” on the fact that we both enjoyed homestuck at some point. by saying “IN 2023????” or “OMG IS THAT KARKLES?? AT MOMO CON?” “YOU STILL LIKE HOMESTUCK?????” They’re giving me the short end of the stick. Like we both know what it is and recognize it. Clearly they wanna draw my attention to the fact that they *know* why make the same dead joke about it?

There are some ppl who are happy to see homestuck cosplay and I am SO grateful to them and every time they ask for a photo I happily pause and take it— but I can’t help but feel like a spectacle as the ONE person asks for a photo, says nothing else, and walks away giggling.

also I wrote the post this ask is referring to roughly a month ago but I queued it so it only posted like last week and tbh I couldn’t even remember what I complained about… but if u care about that part

my OG post touched on this but what I was really talking about was that I was in a server for something else and there was a homestuck channel and I was excited to talk about the comic and things I enjoy and instead every day it was the same two people talking about what pissed them off or disappointed them with the games or the epilogues or hs^2 and their various productions and how much they wanted to play the new video games but weren’t sure they would ever be able to and the one time I was like “this is interesting” I got sent a VERY long blog post and the person wouldn’t engage with me any further than that. It felt very….. dismissive? Of me as an “actual fan” and when I would try and answer I’d ultimately get drowned out by them “knowing better” about these particular niches

After a while (probably two weeks) it started to feel like a vortex of negativity. Every time I opened the channel there were dozens of messages I couldn’t engage with. I thought I would be ousted as a fake fan if I talked about Davekat bc there’s almost a separate fandom dedicated to those two alone and I felt like enjoyment of any kind would be frowned upon so I ultimately left

[meltwonu]

|     𝖓𝖊𝖔𝖓 𝖉𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒     |     CHAPTER 9

pairing; camboy!seokmin x female!reader

this chapter’s notes; camboy!au, university!au, camshows, camboy!seokmin, softdom!seokmin, sexual photos/videos, masturbation, praise!kink, daddy!kink, mentions of sex toys, soonyoung thinking he’s a matchmaker lol AND WE ARE BACK! 😭💕 Sooo sorry for the delay, it’s been like, a literal almost two whole months since ch 8 and for that I am very very sorry kdjkdjh ☠️ I thought it’d be best to ease back into it with this chapter since it’s been a while though 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Literally just,,, November did not go how i thought it would at all but the important thing is that we’re back! ✨ Hilariously, all of my posts next week will be queued bc I will be seeing bts soooo ☠️ y’know kjdhkj the grind never stops apparently 😮‍💨😮‍💨 I hope to get some real rest after then tho 😩✨ But anyway! enjoy ch9 and I will see you tomorrow to catch up on inbox messages! I love you, and have a good day! 🥴💕 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - ?

*queued post. (cuz even workin on Saturdays 😩 lol)

“Hey, did you hear about that weird anonymous board that’s popped up about our uni?”

Your ears perk up at the conversation coming from the cafe table behind you - a threaded needle in one hand and one of Seokmin’s costume shirts in the other.

You’d chosen to finish some last minute alterations at a cafe; knowing that if you tried to work at home, you’d get distracted and not finish on time.

“No? What’s it about?”

“I mean, I haven’t gone to check myself but apparently it’s some anonymous board called ‘/svt_u_gonewild’ where people have been posting nudes ‘n stuff… It’s only for our uni, though. So it’s just people that attend here, supposedly.”

You make a mental note to check on it later; curiosity making your mind wander about who would be posting on there and if you’d be able to recognize anyone.

Should I post on there? You ask yourself in the heat of the moment - cheeks warm as you bite your lip.

You’d been spending a lot more time with Seokmin lately and, admittedly, you’d found yourself falling more and more for him with each meeting the two of you had.

You watched from the sidelines during his rehearsals and when the two of you would have costume fittings, he would always make an effort to keep you laughing and engaged in a conversation.

Not to mention he was extremely gifted at what he did once he was serious about his work.

And he even kept his offer of always bringing you anything you needed, whether it’d been coffee or even late night food when the two of you knew you’d be having costume fittings the next morning.

‘It’s the least I can do,’ he’d always say with a sheepish smile, ‘You’re working so hard for me and I really appreciate that.’

“Soonyoung-hyung… You know everyone can tell it’s you posting… Right?”

The male smirks as he pockets his phone and takes a sip of his red plastic cup. 

“So? What if I said I don’t care, huh? I mean, look at me. What would I wanna hide about this?”

He does a spin as Seokmin rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his own drink.

They’d ended up at another frat party, this one quieter than most of the others he’d been to.

Thankfully.

But while Soonyoung had been having the time of his life, Seokmin couldn’t help but think about the 9AM costume fitting he had at the campus the next morning - choosing to only have a few drinks before he’d go home and maybe stream for just a little bit before bed.

“Hey, I saw this post earlier, I think you might like it, Seokmin!”

Soonyoung fishes for the phone he’d just pocketed a few seconds prior; scrolling as quickly as possible before he finds the picture he was looking for.

“A-ha! Here you go, I think you’d like it. I dunno, it kinda reminded me of you for some reason?”

The younger male leans in to see the photo, eyes as wide as saucers when he sees it fully.

It was a photo of a lingerie-clad body; baby pink and mostly only lace covering up barely anything with a large pink dildo between the spread legs to cover up the fact that the figure didn’t have any panties on.

‘I thought this might’ve been daddy’s favorite…? I’m not sure though… Tell me what you like?’ was the caption and it made Seokmin’s mouth water at the scenarios that ran through his head in a split second.

“Ay, are you okay? I don’t think you’ve blinked yet.”

“H-huh? Oh, uh, I just… zoned out, is all. Um, maybe you should put that away, we’re in public, dude.”

Seokmin, against his will, tears his eyes off of the image that he so desperately wants to take one more look at - telling himself he’ll look for it later when he’s alone so he can inspect it further.

“You’re the one that was just staring but okay, sure. Y’know, you need to loosen up, Seokmin. Maybe you should post on there!”

“What?!”

Soonyoung laughs before downing the rest of his drink, “Yeah, it’s not like anyone would know it’s you anyway!”

“Uh, right…”

“Or, hmm, do you want me to figure out who’s in the pic? I can try to hook you up or something’ if you want? You seemed reeeaaallly interested~ And I think I might have the skills~ Unless you’re scared she’s more experienced than you~”

“Please, can we finish up taking their free booze so we can go home?”

You’re about to let sleep take you when a notification pops up on your phone - the light making you groan as you pick it up to see what it was.

‘Bedtime thoughts....? [Praise Kink] [Audio Stream]’

You thank the powers above that Dokyeom’s streams were always audio streams and that you didn’t have to pay attention to any videos as you opened the stream and set your phone back down onto the bed sheets.

“Mm, sorry,” He starts - voice groggy and sleepy as he sighs, “I was about to go to sleep but I just wanted to pop in really quick… I--I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to get off�� I’ve been like this for an hour now…”

User98475945: ooo why’s that?

Anonymous093847: were you sleeping?

b@d_dream: I was about to go to bed too… What was on your mind?

Dokyeom chuckles on the other end and between his soft groans and muffled sighs, you can hear the slicked noises of his hand working up and down his cock as you lick your lips.

“I saw a picture earlier that I really liked… Got me thinkin’ about how much I’d wanna praise my babygirl, y’know? Especially after you’ve worked so hard riding my cock…”

You squirm underneath the covers and you snake a hand between your thighs as you slowly work yourself up over his filthy words.

“There was a pink dildo in the picture and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d love to thrust that toy right into your pretty ‘lil cunt, baby…” Dokyeom moans right into the mic as you press your fingers right into your clothed mound. “I wanna see you bent over while I thrust that toy into you… And I know you’d be a good girl and take what daddy gives to you, right? You’re such a good girl for me, after all.”

The comments on Dokyeom’s stream go crazy as they fly across the screen; virtually impossible to read any of them as he continues.

“You’d be so good for me and take that toy… Right before I fuck your pretty cunt open, spread your legs nice ‘n wide for me while you keep all that pretty lingerie on your body too~ You’ll let daddy cum on your pretty pink lingerie and get it all dirty, right?”

You can hear Dokyeom’s hand speeding up as he works himself up to an orgasm and there’s a slurry of comments begging to know what the picture actually looked like for him to be this turned on.

He ignores it for a moment, instead chasing his high as his hips thrust up into his enclosed fist and soft, muttered curse words fall from his lips right into the mic.

The stream has only been going on for a few minutes but in that time, Dokyeom manages to make $2000 - something he was extremely proud of.

“Ah, f-fuck… I wanna cum so bad already… I’ve been touching myself far longer than I had the stream open… do you want daddy to cum inside of your pretty pussy or on you, princess?”

He lets out a airy chuckle before he feels himself cumming; succumbing to the pleasure as his eyes clamp shut and his hips erratically thrust up into his fist.

Donations and comments make the stream lag slightly as his viewers drink in the way his voice gets airy in the midst of his high and you feel the wetness soak into your panties as you groan and realize it’s going to take more than this to get you off before you can fully rest and go to bed.

‘I’ll just replay some of his old videos, get off and go to bed…’ You reason with yourself; promising to get to sleep as soon as you were satisfied.

You had a 9AM fitting with Seokmin and it was already severely late into the night.

But it takes a few long minutes of Dokyeom moaning and sighing into the mic before he’s coming down and slumping against his computer chair - chuckling softly as he gets back to the question at hand.

“Mm, it was a pretty photo, by the way… Cut off right before the face but the figure was covered up in baby pink lingerie… it didn’t leave much to the imagination and the pink dildo made me wonder if she could take all of it… Then it got me thinking about fucking my pretty ‘lil princess all night… I was out with a friend and I felt bad - I bailed a little early because my cock was so hard just thinking about it.”

He laughs again, this time sounding a little more tired. “There were a lot of comments underneath praising her and leaving all sorts of filthy comments - I think she even responded to some saying how wet they made her so... Y’know. I won’t say I’m jealous buuuut... Couldn’t help but think about it too.”

Your brows furrow as you process his words.

He couldn’t have been talking about the photo you’d posted earlier.

Right?

b@d_dream: where was it posted? I kinda wanna see…

User284937: me too!

Anonymous748594: same!

“Ah, I wish I could but I can’t. Privacy reasons, y’know? They might be local to me.” Dokyeom stretches and yawns into the mic, “But there was a cute ‘lil butterfly charm right in the middle of the bra - it was purple and blue so if you see it, you know you’re looking at the right one~”

Your breath stops for a moment ad your body goes rigid.

He was talking about you.

You freeze under the covers with your hand between your legs, suddenly more interested in the fact Dokyeom was in the same anonymous board as you were which meant he attended the same university that you did.

But you didn’t know a Dokyeom?

But the campus is big, you tell yourself; slowly feeling a cold sweat start to wash over your body, he could be anywhere there.

And in your sleepy haze, you can’t remember if you’d even told Dokyeom which university you attended - only remembering that the two of you had spoken about attending one in general.

You’re too deep into your thoughts to realize Dokyeom was already signing off for the night; now too awake to even go to bed and too curious to even get off.

A sigh escapes your lips as you slide your hand from between your thighs - it would be a long night.

[originalhomestuckscenarios]

This is just me looking through your entire account to see if you ever did my request because I requested it wayyyy back when in anon. If you could help me find it I think I mentioned being the mage of breath and for two matchups, if it’s no trouble 🥺 also you (both) have so much talent good job always keepin your requests open

Okay so I couldn't find anything like that but don't worry I'll find it! It's p hard to find it using phone but I will probably get on my pc soon so I can find it easier- as soon as I read my entire inbox again and can verify whether I found it or not I will contact you!

Honestly the things I have queued up... Are waaaaay back from April (cuz there is one person wishing happy 4/13 so UH that's kinda akward) so sorry that all of you have to both wait like this and worry wondering if you actually sent anything in >~< I think about vanishing for 2 weeks and focusing fully on this blog so I can get at least 30 requests done buut there is an event I am hosting on 2 blogs so I'll do that only after I finish all event requests

Sorry for inconvenience

~Mod Auvana

[smolbeandrabbles]

Sway Pt.5 - Danny Rayburn x Reader (Bloodline)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Here / Part 6  / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10

Author’s Note: This is it! The infamous chapter I wrote twice!! To make up for it, I’ve added in a bunch of stuff that wasn’t there before like more Jase/Javi/Danny banter. I actually LOVE their dynamic... Yeaaah I wrote a scene based on another scene because I couldn’t HELP it. The gifs will prove that! Valentine’s Day doesn’t even necessarily have to be the setting for any of the following to happen... Only, it was near Valentine’s Day at the time and it all made a lot of sense in my head. So, celebrate Valentine’s Day a month late, why don’t you? (haha...) + Bonus. I made a Gerry reference. 😉

Disclaimer: As started before, I own nada by my OCs. I took some lyrical liberties with ‘Slow Dance in a Parking Lot’ by Jordan Davis. Sue me! Please don’t actually sue me. I finished Bloodline and it actually hurts, so, I’m going to be “stealing” a bunch of ideas/lines... Here is the very first scene stealing moment, though.

Premise: The Premise is Valentine’s Day, need I say more? I tried not to be horribly Cliche... 

Word Count: 7748

Warnings: Drinking, Sexual Pre-Amble  (a-la-pt-4). The knowledge this will never be as good as the version I actually deleted? I had a breakdown in the middle of my living room over that, it deserves a warning

…And I don't care what song comes next I'm falling right here, don't want a safety net. In a slow dance with you Spinning you around by the restaurant sign Moving our feet over the painted white lines Getting close to you Making the most of whatever we got Even if it's just a slow dance in a parking lot

----

I want to wear his initial On a chain round my neck, chain round my neck Not because he owns me, But 'cause he really knows me Which is more than they can say

Danny couldn’t believe that another month had flown by. As he flicked the calendars in the restaurant to February. You’d been dating since the previous summer. And things were getting serious. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had been in a relationship this long. But, he was glad for it. Jason whistled as he turned over the calendar in the kitchen; “Busiest day of the year ahead Danny! You gonna leave us in the lurch!?” Danny turned to him, confused “What?” “Valentine’s Day! C’mon man, what are you doing with Y/N!!” He turned back to the calendar, eyes wide, oh. God! “…I wasn’t going to go anywhere… I was gonna come… here… Oh my God!” “Danny!!!” Jason couldn’t believe it “Did you forget about Valentine’s Day!?” “When was the last time I ever did anything on Valentines!?” He turned to Jason “It’s always been just another day…! Crap! She’s gonna kill me!” “Probably!” Jason laughed Javier poked his head through the kitchen window at the commotion; “What is up!?” “Danny forgot Valentine’s Day.” “WHAT!?” Javier laughed “NO! Danny! THE most important day for any girl in a relationship!?” “Stop it! Both of you! What am I gonna do! I can’t leave you all – you’re right, it’s traditionally one of the busiest days of the year…! God, can I really bring her here again??”

Whilst he mulled this over in his head, half in panic, Javier disappeared from the window, and then waltzed through the kitchen doors. The grin on his face obvious with what he was going to do; “…How are you gonna approach that one?” “He’s got 14 days…” Jason folded his arms, just as intent on hearing Danny’s plan – that he had about 5 seconds to come up with… Danny put his head in his hands “I’m just gonna have to owe her big time…” He thought on it “No, maybe… Maybe I can make this right… I’ll go a little off menu… Something she’ll really like. Then in a few weeks when it isn’t so busy I’ll take her out…” “It’s almost booked up!” Javier turned to the book to check it out, and became concerned with how busy he would be that night; “I’ll find somewhere for her! It’s my place!” “…Well, You got two weeks!” Jason pointed back to the calendar he had just changed. “Don’t forget the gift! Girls love gifts!” Danny made a noise like they weren’t making it any easier, which they weren’t. Javier almost tutted “Can you imagine? Poor, poor Y/N... She'll be expecting a long-" "Loooong!" Jason chimed in, with an eyebrow wiggle "Romantic night...!" "So romantic!" Jason put his hand over his heart as Javi put an arm around him and continued; "Michelin star restaurant, Miami skyline view, Danny's money paying... The works Valentines... As only she deserves. But picture this instead..." He held his hands out emphasising the two words of the restaurant name; "Viva Caputa. Again! And two measly hours of her boyfriend’s time." Danny looked like he was on the verge of anger at their teasing, and Javier narrowly missed the towel that was thrown his way. "You two are SO not getting paid this month!" "What!! DANNY!!" "OH! NO!!" But he cracked a smile and laughed anyway "You fuckin' deserve it! Overtime. Neither of you are getting on dates either!" "Oh! Just another romantic evening with Danny Rayburn - lucky us!!" Javier laughed at Jason's statement as he left the kitchen: "We’ll be Danny's dates! We’ll actually see more of him than she will..!" "Javi, don't you have tables to wait!?" "I'm going!" He called back as the doors swung closed behind him. "Good cuz I don't pay you to stand and chat!" "You just said you weren't paying us." Danny gave Jason a warning look "You can get back to work and all!" Jason beamed; "I love you too Danny!"

* You rolled your car to a stop outside his restaurant later that day; “Hey!” “Hi.” He hopped in, unsure how to broach the subject “…So…Uh… I was thinking…” “Yeah? Go on…” “…Valentine’s Day’s coming up.” You looked across to him, you knew that… Of course you knew that. You just hadn’t expected Danny of all people to be talking to you about it. He didn’t seem like the type to be taking you on a Valentine’s date. And you had to be honest, that was fine with you… You weren’t sure you’d mind not doing anything. “Yes?” “…Well… It’s… one of the busiest days in the business… And I can’t leave those guys all alone in there…” “And that’s fine…” “SO I was wondering…” he bit his lip “…If you wanted to… or you wouldn’t mind, coming down to my restaurant.” Before you had chance to reply he continued quickly “I’ll do something off menu, it’ll be exclusive. I know you… So… I think I can get that right… I just, I’m sorry. I’ll have to make it up to you…” You smiled, Danny Rayburn was so full of surprises; “Ok. Fine, I’ll come down to your restaurant “…On one condition.” He looked across to you, suddenly nervous about what you might say, and swallowed hard “…Anything.” “…Don’t buy me anything. Please? We’re not doing gifts it’s too… cliché… We’re not… No. Please, don’t buy me anything… I don’t need anything either…” “What!? So you’re not going to get me anything!?” He faked hurt, his mouth open “No! Shut up! That’s not what I said, I said – you can’t buy me anything! I just won’t get you something either then it’s fair!” He took out his mobile to call back to the restaurant. "Are you sure!? This is your last chance before they pick up! All I can promise is a good table and me for a couple of hours, not even the whole evening - You can back out!" If you weren't with him you didn't want to be out on Valentine’s Day at all. You couldn't believe when it would be so busy he'd even take a few hours out for you... "Danny I don’t care!" You forgot the rest of your sentence, and paid for it. He gasped in pretend shock "You don't care!?...AND I’m not good enough for a gift!?” He laughed, turning his attention back to his mobile as you heard Javier pick up; “Unbelievable!” * You studied yourself in the mirror. Was red too much of a Valentine’s Day colour? Were you about to become the cliché you’d sworn you weren’t!? You had to be honest with yourself you weren’t even sure you’d be wearing red, if it wasn’t for the fact that you had gone out and brought this dress specifically for tonight. It was the same cut as the one you had worn the first time you had frequented his restaurant. And the split up the side showed off your Miami tan. You had gone all out tonight to look flawless. Not for yourself. But for him. Your hair and makeup was perfect, your heels just the right height, and you felt good. The final touch, as ever, was your favourite perfume… You wondered if Danny would remember it from before… Gathering your things together you walked confidently down to your car, loving the sound of your heels striking the floor. You turned up your music loud as you made your way to his restaurant. You weren’t sure about the alcohol involved in tonight for you to be driving… You’d either have to take it slow, or take a cab. It didn’t matter; you could simply collect your car tomorrow… No-one would mind you leaving it overnight. When you arrived in the parking lot you weren’t surprised to see it packed. Luckily for you, dating the man who owned the place had its privileges. Tonight it really paid off; as only the staff parking spaces were free. You knew Danny had a car but, he didn’t have it with him tonight… You rolled your own neatly into his parking space and took a deep breath. Time for your big entrance. When you rounded the corner to the front of the restaurant they were queuing out of the door. Surely this wasn’t people who had reservations!? It was crazy; even for Valentine’s day you’d never seen Danny’s this busy. You smiled to yourself, quite proud – he was going to do well tonight. You walked past the line, which continued inside, where Javier caught you;

“Amorcita! Come, come! Right this way!” “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this busy!” “Trust me… neither have we…” He took your hand and led you; “You look stunning… By the way. Danny doesn’t know what he’s missing by not taking you out!” “When it’s this busy, you best be glad he’s here…!” You followed Javier to a table in the back of the room, where it was quieter. Danny had clearly carefully chosen this spot… “You better like this table! You will not believe the number of times I have had to set it and re-set it!” You could imagine, it was for you - Even perfection would not be good enough for Danny tonight. You smiled gently as Javier sat you so you faced the kitchen; “Now you can at least look at your man whilst he’s working… Though how dare he, when you look this good?” You laughed “Well, Javi, let’s face the facts… We’re both going to be in agony waiting…” He smiled; “I’ll let him know you are here. Trust me, I’ve never seen a man more excited about creating off the menu pieces… He’s been looking forward to this for two weeks… Can I get you your usual drink?” “Oh. No. Javi… That’s okay… I don’t want to get too… drunk?... Tonight… I’m driving.” “Oh… Well, you know, I’m sure Danny’s got something in mind that goes with EVERYTHING he’s made…” He checked his watch; “You think he’d come say Hi…” “He’s busy Javi… But please do let him know I’m here…” He nodded, and left to remind Danny EXACTLY what time it was.

* Javier made sure all of his tables were happy before he made his way back over to you. “SO, whilst Danny is busy. I’m going to be your date!” You laughed; “Why?” “Sorry… Why…?! Because you are the most beautiful girl in the room. And everyone knows it.” You had to admit, whilst you had been sitting here alone, with your thoughts, nearly everyone in the room had been staring at you, glancing over and whispering about the mystery girl who had shown up here dressed to perfection without a date. Who was the guy? And when would he be showing up? It had only made you smirk to yourself. You wondered how they would react when they realised it was Danny? That man sure deserved to show you off tonight; what was wrong with being the eye-candy on his arm just this once? You wanted to prove that he could get the girl – and you had dressed up for him. Not for anyone else. Still, you were flattered by Javi’s compliment “Thank you…” He placed a bottle of your favourite coloured wine on the table, and by the label clearly an expensive one; “Danny says nothing less than the top shelf will do tonight. So he’s really treating you. As I knew he would…” Javier smiled “You’re really good news for him… You know?” “…SO many people tell me that, like’s he’s bad news.” “He’s had his ups and downs. Especially in his love life. They are quite some stories…” He lent on his hand; “But the way he talks about you… man… it’s something else…” You were determined not to blush, so you expertly changed the subject “What about you? Shouldn’t you be out with someone special tonight?” “ME! You’re the best I got. I’m single.” “Single!? NO!” You pulled out your mobile “Are you serious?!” He nodded and then got suspicious as you typed something into it “…Why?” “…Because, honey, do I know the girl for you…” “OH, really?! Matchmaking?” “Yes really… And you’ve already kinda met her….” If you could do a little matchmaking in Danny’s restaurant, why not? After all, it was your interaction with Danny here that had got you together. He raised an eyebrow, and took a breath “Is it the crazy one?” “Define crazy…?” You grinned, knowing both your friends had been flirting with him “Y’know the… order everything off the menu, drunk on Friday night, don’t ask me any questions, staring at me a lot, type crazy one.” “…Would you have a problem if it was…?” He chewed his lip for a moment and then smiled; “I dunno… I think I could go for a little crazy.” You laughed, and wrote her number down on a napkin; “Her name is Amanda, and she’s very dear to me. Be nice.” “What are you doing?! You have got to be kidding? I have to wait two days for you to call my number and you’re just giving yours out to Javi?!” Danny shook his head and folded his arms as he stopped at your table. He had changed out of his chefs’ whites into a black button-up shirt, his attempt to look smart for your date. It worked, in a Danny kind of way. “No…” You looked at him innocently “…I was simply doing a little matchmaking…” “Is that so…” He smiled and leant in to kiss your cheek. He turned to Javi, who stood to take his leave “When you’re ready, my good man, Jason knows how it goes…” “Alright! I’m on it!”

Danny slid into the seat that Javier had just vacated and blew out a breath; “You look… I just… Words… honestly fail me…” You smiled “Well… I just wanted to look good for you.” “For me!? Darlin’, you needn’t have you always look good. Tonight you look…” He made a motion to indicate he couldn’t find the right word. “And everyone is quite rightly staring at you…” “At you…” You leant on your hand, “…I like that…” “Oh. Really…” He reached for the bottle Javier had placed on the table and poured you a sensible glass full “Yeah. It’s about time people knew I was yours…” He chuckled, “Alright… Sweetheart… Well, you’ve clearly made one hell of a point…” He placed his hands together “…Now in advance, I apologise that I can’t stay. But I sure as hell want to make these hours count…” “Baby that’s ok…” “And when I leave, I don’t expect you to stay… It’s going to be a long night. And I’ll be here helping them out until closing. So…” He took a sip of wine, and made a face like he was pleased with his choice “…Please, feel free to leave at any time.” “No… No… That’s ok… I want to stay… I have my car… You can just come back to mine tonight…” He smirked suddenly and leant towards you; “Oh? Is that where this is heading…? A little cliché for Valentine’s Day don’t you think…?” You suddenly realised what you had said; “Danny no! I didn’t mean it like that-!” “No need to be shy about it Y/N… It’s just you and me…” His eyes flicked to the cut of your dress. You were still determined not to blush, lowering your voice to a whisper; “Stop it! You can’t talk like that! Not here!” “Why not? It’s my restaurant… My rules… No-one cares… Why, baby? Don’t you want me?”  You had to look away from his intense stare… But you bit your lip… Wondering if that was where your night might end… You ran your finger lazily around the rim of your glass whilst he took another sip of his “I didn’t say I didn’t want you…” You looked back into his eyes, pouring some sugar of your own; “I just said you can’t talk that way here…” He was right. He knew you. Every off-menu dish he’d created was something you’d talked endlessly about or a variation of something off his menu you truly loved. You realised that every time he’d seen you eat he’d studied you – to the letter. Everything went well together, and everything paired with the wine he’d selected. You were beyond flattered. He continued to flirt with you through the entire meal and you felt like the only girl in the world. Even though your aim had been quite the opposite. He was way too good to you for the man his family made him out to be. “…Oh. Yeah. Just one thing…” He shuffled around in his seat and began rummaging in his pocket it got you curious “…I… Kinda broke your rule…” You could swear your heart was about stop beating and instinctively put your hand over it in relief. You opened your mouth as he placed the box on the table, It was small, black and wrapped intricately with silver ribbon. By its size and shape that he wasn’t about to get down on one knee in the middle of his own restaurant, especially after the previous conversations you’d had here. He followed your train of thought; “Geez! Don’t die on me! Give me SOME credit! I am in NO way sickeningly cliché enough to propose to you in front of my whole restaurant... on Valentine’s Day. Besides I’d never live it down!” He was right, Javier and Jason would never let him hear the end of it. Then he laughed, like he couldn’t resist it “Maybe I’ll do it when we’re alone later!” Still, the joke didn’t ruin the way you felt and you almost had to stop yourself from crying; “Oh! Danny!” “Now it’s not much… But I wanted you to have something…” He slid the box towards you; “You can’t open it until I’m gone… though, ok?” “…You didn’t have to.” “I know. You made that clear. But I wanted to…” He smiled, and poured himself another glass. He looked around the restaurant. It was in a lull period, before the next sitting, and he was glad he’d get to sit with you for a little while longer, at least until you had finished.

When the restaurant started to get busy again, you knew he had to take his leave. “I’m sorry I can’t stay longer.” “No. No… Baby, go do your job…” He stood and rounded the table to kiss you again. It didn’t last nearly long enough; “I promise not to make you wait too long…” But you didn’t mind. You could at least watch him working. “Thank you, for coming here!” “I love coming here!” “I know but… I wish I could have taken you out…” “You’ll get the chance.” You winked “I get to see the guys too…” “True…” He smiled “…See you later. And honestly… Go… Don’t sit here on my account!”  Although, he knew you’d wait there forever if you had to. On his way back to the kitchen he was stopped by another long-term patron. You loved to see Danny laughing, but as he did so he nodded and looked across to you. You couldn’t help but smile until it hurt. This was what you wanted. You wanted them to realise what he had. The man Danny Rayburn really was. And that look of adoration on his face, that was for you… And it wasn’t the only time he was stopped...

* “How you doing? Can I get you anything else? Another drink…? Coffee?” Javier came over to clear away the plates; “Was it good?” “Incredible.” “I told you he was excited…” “I’ll uh... Take you up on coffee, Javi, that would be great. Put in a shot of Bailey’s too.” “Well, that sounds like an idea…” “Oh. And, the check.” “The check-!? Danny will NOT let you pay.” Javier looked taken aback by the very idea. “Javi, He can’t do that again. Let me.” “…Amorcita… I don’t know… Half this stuff was off menu I don’t know if I can…” “Just do your best… Please… Let me pay.” He still seemed hesitant “Look. If I drink any more… Those can go on the house, just… Let me pay. Let me pay all of you, too, with all the hard work you guys do? You deserve it.” “Okay… But this was all your idea…” “Thank you…” You handed him your card and he went off to get your coffee too. When he came back you had pulled the box closer to you; “Here you are… And your coffee… Call me if you need anything else…” “I won’t hesitate… Thank you Javi…” You scribbled out your signature and pulled delicately at the silver ribbon until it unravelled. You were curious… It wasn’t anything so cliché as chocolates or flowers by the size of the box… What would Danny break your one rule in favour of? You lifted the lid gently and had to smile, touching your hand to your chest. The fine gold chain winked in the gentle restaurant candle light as you lifted it delicately from the box, it ran smooth through your fingers as you studied it. Sitting on the end, however was the exact answer to your question. Small, plain, but with symbolism that could not be understated, was a delicate cursive initial. D, for Danny.

*

The next time the restaurant buzz died to quiet you realised how late it must be getting. As you looked up from your phone you witnessed Jason leave the kitchen. If Danny was letting his staff go, it must have been near the end of the night. Jase caught your eye and wandered over; “Y/N! Have you had a good evening.” “Letting Danny go for a couple of hours was very kind of you Jason… Yeah. I’ve had a great time… I guess it isn’t over yet!” “No, but, should be soon. The kitchen is winding down, Danny said he can take care of the dessert now. Which, for Danny is a big thing. You know he hates baking right? Says it’s all about Chemistry… but cooking… That’s about feel!” He rolled his eyes and you hated to laugh at the way he imitated Danny, but that was exactly something he would say “…Like he doesn’t know what Chemistry is. When he has you…!” He grinned, “I dunno. Anyway, if Danny can handle it, we’re almost done. He won’t keep you waiting much longer.” “How you spending the rest of your evening? You got someone special?” “Yeah, my girl’s pretty understanding. I’ll take her out properly tomorrow… But I’m sure there’s enough evening left to make something of it. Make sure you do to, when he’s finished, alright?” “I will. Now get on to your girl!” He smiled “See you soon Y/N!” He walked away, but then turned and call back down the restaurant “It looks good on you! By the way!” You realised he was talking about the necklace, and you looked down. Its length allowed it to be more visible the deeper the cut of whatever you were wearing. You guessed that was the point, people were more likely to stare at you if you were wearing something that showed your skin. So, it was best to show them that you were already taken. At least, that’s probably how Danny’s feelings went – you didn’t think he was so insecure. He just as likely wasn’t one to put up with another guy putting his eyes on you.

Your phone eventually buzzed and you couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the text; Are you at Dannys!? Maybe… 😉 Did you give me NUMBER to the waiter we had?! And If I did? C’mon. Amanda, you were so into him… I can’t believe you!! Have fun – you’re welcome! At that moment, you heard laughing and the kitchen doors swung open again to more staff leaving. Including Javi, now out of uniform, who interestingly had his phone in his hand. He waved to you, but Danny caught him; “OY! Who said anything about you leaving your tables aren’t all clear!” “What!? C’mon Danny! There’s one left!” “If all your tables aren’t done, you don’t go!” “But she’s…” Danny gave him a significant warning look, making Javi sigh and wander over to you. You nodded to his phone; “Anything I should be interested in.” He grinned “Yeah, matchmaking service… We’re heading out for drinks.” “Wow. You move fast! I thought she had a date.” “It clearly went well…” He gave a wink and then looked to the table. Every other table was neatly cleared and stacked, awaiting usage tomorrow. You were the only one left down this end of the restaurant “So, Danny won’t let me go unless my tables are clear… So… I guess I’m not drinking until you leave…” You got up slowly; “No, let me help you – don’t want you to miss a date I basically initiated…!” You smiled, content to help him carry things back to the kitchen, still chatting excitedly about his plans. Danny sighed; “She can have some of your pay check for that!” “Aw – c’mon! It’s clear now!” How many times was Danny going to threaten to take away his pay check this month?! “Yeah, alright! Off you go!” Danny turned to you; “Sit down Darlin’, at least I can watch you from here now…” He gave a wink as you sat yourself at the bar, Javi came back around and could not resist wrapping his arms around you and kissing your cheek; “Goodnight Amorcita!” Danny shook his head “…Don’t bother coming back tomorrow!” He yelled after Javi, who laughed “You don’t mean that! You love me really!” That had you and Danny laughing; “Good luck on your date! Let me know how it goes!” He waved to you “I will Y/N!” Turning back to Danny you realised the kitchen was now empty besides him. And the two tables left were finishing up their drinks and paying their tabs. Danny was essentially just clearing away; “Give me half an hour sweetheart and I’ll be done…” “What’s thirty minutes more?” You shrugged. You loved watching him work, you were a little disappointed you’d missed out. Still, watching him clear away meant you were one minute closer to having him in your arms again. *

Finally he waltzed out of his kitchen, bag over his shoulder. He didn’t come to you immediately, instead walking to the back of the restaurant, checking everything was clear and ready for tomorrow and flicking off lights as he made his way back to you. “OK… We can go…” He took your hand in his as he helped you off the bar stool and you wrapped your arm around his. He liked that. You could tell by his smile. Once outside it wasn’t as cold as you would think, even for February.  He kept your hand in his as he locked the door; “So, you like it?” You noticed him look across to the necklace, now flashing in the streetlights. “Like it? Danny… I love it…” You got the feeling now it was on, you would never take it off. “Really?” He smiled; “Good… It looks better on you… I’m almost proud of myself. Bet you’re glad I broke that rule.” “…Yeah. This once…” He pocketed his keys, and walked you to your car. You felt alright for driving, thank goodness. You hadn’t had too much to drink and you had eaten enough. You were just about to pull your keys from your bag when he stopped. You weren’t paying attention, so you were pulled back by his arm. You were about to voice your question when he looked at you; sincerely. “Dance with me.” “…What?” “I didn’t get to take you out properly… Dance with me…” You looked around; here? In the middle of the restaurant parking lot? Was he serious? “Danny, there’s no music? Without music?” He shook his head “We don’t need music. You should know that.” When you still didn’t respond he sighed, letting you go he put his bag down, and held his hand out to you, taking up what you recognised to be an awkward version of a Waltz stance. You took a breath, and smiling, you put your hand in his. He placed his other hand gently on your waist and pulled you closer to him. Placing your other hand on his shoulder you laced your fingers together, and he began to sway you. “You’re crazy… you know that?” “And yet, you’re the one dancing with me…” He smiled, as you relaxed into his arms, resting your head against his chest as he continued to rock you. Bringing your hand in, he placed it against his heart; and you quickly realised that you were dancing to the rhythm of his heartbeat. He kissed your hair, and then your forehead, brushing his cheek against yours to get just that little bit closer to you. The way he enveloped your body with his was protective; and you felt safer now than you had ever felt in anyone else’s arms. The only sound was the cars that occasionally drove passed on their way back from Valentine’s Dates of their own. You wondered how many passengers in them looked over and saw the two of you, moving in a circle under the yellow glow of the floodlit parking lot – and thought you were insane. But you couldn’t have cared less… You were lost in his motion, in the way he held you - as strong as it was delicate – his attempt to show you he would hold you forever but that he would never break you… Any part of you. And you knew that included your heart. You thought it was dangerous for him to make that promise; but you badly wanted it to be true. Your rhythm came to a gentle stop, but he continued to let you get lost in his embrace. Your fingers tangling themselves in the fabric of his shirt, telling Danny you wouldn’t let him go either… You looked up to him; and his blue eyes glowed in the wake of the lighting. He kissed your forehead, the bridge and tip of your nose and finally your lips. You wound your arms around his shoulders and let the kiss linger as long as he would allow. Full of further unspeakable promises. He broke it, finally and chuckled; “Let’s go home…”

 * “UGH!” Danny collapsed on your couch. Now changed into a grey vest top and shorts he ran his hands over his face and through his hair; “That was HELL! Never let me do something like that again!!!” He tipped his head back, making you laugh; “Well. There’s always next year.” “Oh GOD! I’ve only just gone though this year! Remind me to take the day off!” “I wouldn’t let you do that to them!” He made a sound that was painful; “God. I need a drink…” “What a great idea… I like your train of thought…” You wandered over to one of your cupboards and pulled down a bottle and two tumblers. He raised an eyebrow in curiosity; “Is that… whisky? Girl, I like the way you think.” “… I think you’ll find Woodford Reserve brands itself as Kentucky Bourbon…” You looked across to him “Is it a two or three fingers type night?” He laughed; “Three, at LEAST!” You poured him a generous two and a half, and poured nothing more than a dribble for you. A night cap. That was all you wanted. You put the bottle away and handed him the glass. You loved the way Woodford tasted. It wasn’t sweet, it had a savoury quality but by God did it have a burn, it was that that made it your favourite. You took a sip, he studied his glass and then looked back to you; “What? No ice?!” You pointed to your fridge “You have legs!” He puffed his cheeks and narrowed his eyes but he clearly wasn’t about to get up; “Cheers…!” He swirled it before taking a sip, you watched the way he rolled the liquid over his tongue before swallowing, and the breath he let out as it burned; “Oh-! That is good!” You nodded your agreement as he sat back. Now he really allowed himself to study you, he already knew what you were wearing was gorgeous. The deep-V neckline, now complete with his very own initial. The split up the side showed your beautifully tanned legs, giving him just enough but leaving him wanting so much more… it hugged your figure well too. He hadn’t forgotten your little conversation back at his restaurant… Now he was just wondering if you would act on it, or not. “You are so, damn, beautiful…” His voice was quiet, and it edged on sinful promise. You took another sip and looked back to him, then wished you hadn’t at the look on his face. The look in his eyes. Your heart began to pound in your chest. “…Don’t look at me like that…” “Baby…” He shook his head, running is fingers over his lips in a way that sent shivers over your skin; “Why not…” “Because I…” You had to look away, look to your balcony, then to your wall…To anything but his eyes – you couldn’t hold that stare. You noted how deep the breaths you were taking were… Your stomach and your heart and your HEAD were all in agreement on this one. It was Valentine’s Day, why not act on this…? Eventually your eyes had to wander back to his. He was leaning back casually on your couch, and had you locked in his intense gaze. He tapped his finger against the side of the whisky glass that he was holding casually by the rim – he was waiting on you and you knew it. He read you too well, and Danny was always hard for you to resist…

You realised that you too were tapping your glass, but for a different reason; the nerves were building up inside of you… You somehow tore your gaze away from him again. And it fell to your glass; gripping it so tight your knuckles were white… If you were going to do this, then it was your house. And your rules. Decisively you tipped the glass back to finish it and set it down. Walking over to him, slow, confident, with purpose. You would make him wait for you… brushing your hair back you gave him a look to let him know that you were going to be in control here. He ran his eyes back up you again, and by the time they reached your eyes they were dark blue. You sank yourself down onto his lap, straddling him. Locking your legs with his, your feet barely touched the floor as he was sat so far back. You ran your tongue over your lips and took his glass from him, taking one sip for yourself you placed it on the table beside you. He gave an almost defiant whine; you pulled him to you by his top; “My house… My rules…” He seemed to agree with this as you pulled him into a kiss; tasting like whisky that lingered on his tongue he ran his hands up your smooth thighs, hitching your dress just a little higher as you wound your arms around his shoulders to deepen the kiss…. You were now locked in a completely different form of dance…. He hummed gently in approval at the way you ground your hips into his. Continuing to run his fingers over every inch of skin he could get his hands on; he kept his voice low, almost a whisper as he kissed your neck; "You know, now would be a perfect time to start a playlist..." You almost laughed, digging your nails gently into his biceps; and catching his lips with your again; "That would just make it something else..." He squinted slightly; "Darlin'... We've always been about something else..." He ran his hands through your hair, kissing your beautifully tanned skin over and over "...That is why we work so well..." You accepted his kisses with kisses of your own, but he certainly wasn't affording you breathing space; and soon he had you breathless again. Not only that, but he had the situation back under his control. Kissing you wherever he wanted, he offered resistance and held you back from kissing him - that made you whine in discontent - which is exactly what he was looking for; by the smirk on his face. "...That's it baby girl..." His voice, seductive, was back to giving you that shiver; only this time it ran through him too... So he let you kiss him... running his hands back down your body they lingered for a second at the ties on your dress, before he thought better of it. You felt him shift under you, and then he swept you up. You gasped, leaving his lips and gripping his shoulders tight. He cleared his throat, as he began to walk you towards your bedroom; "Mmmh.... There isn't nearly enough room here to do everything I want to do to you tonight..." He let his husky whisper linger for a moment, with a sinful wink. Trouble was, whatever that promise was... You couldn't wait.

** You woke up without him, and you weren’t sure you liked that. Looking around for any signs of where he might be you were disappointed not to find any. Surely, he wouldn’t have gone off to work already? Considering how late it was last night!? And if he did, wouldn’t he have left a note? You hopped out of bed, pulling on a shirt and shorts of your own and wandered out into the corridor. You almost breathed a sigh of relief when you heard sounds emanating from your kitchen and echoing down to your bedroom. Guess it was finally time you took him up on breakfast… You shuffled down the hall and stood watching him for a minute. He was adsorbed in everything he was doing, moving from one thing to another – he hummed to himself. “Mornin’…” “Good morning Sunshine…” He turned to smile at you “…How are you?” You suppressed a yawn; “Good. Yeah… You’re making me breakfast?!” “Figured that you couldn’t say no to this…” He teased… but then made a face “Actually, I’m trying to make you breakfast… uh, note to Y/N… Please actually stock ingredients!” “Uh, note to Danny, you don’t live here. I will have in this house what I damn well like!” He shook his head “You’re lucky I can make what I’m making! Nothing in your cupboards constitutes a balanced meal, I’m shocked you’re still alive!” “…Well I usually spend all my time at work! When do I get the chance to eat here? Let alone cook.” “That’s no good for you either. And you have an extremely sweet tooth, I’m worried.” You shrugged “It doesn’t bother me!” “No clearly…” he opened another cupboard and lamented “…C’mon… You’re killing me here!” “Well, I didn’t ever expect my boyfriend to be a chef..!” “Well, your boyfriend thinks he needs to take you grocery shopping…” You leant on your counter with a smile; “So… Do it!” He turned to you “…OK… I will… If it gets you eating better, I will.” You shook your head at him, until he pointed to the breakfast bar; “Now sit! I’ll be done in a minute.” “Don’t you want me to help?” “No, Darlin’, this is for you. Sit.” He insisted. Finally you understood what Danny meant as he set everything out for you. Everything was simple, and most of it was leaning towards the sweet side of breakfast. You stared at the pancakes for a minute; “Are there sprinkles in the pancakes?” “Yeaaaah...” You scoffed; “Alright, international house of pancakes...” He narrowed his eyes at you and tapped you with his fork “I’m just trying to make things interesting! And with your limited amount of ingredients I worked with what I had...!” You pointed to the sauce “Syrup?” He looked like he was about to give up on you entirely “... Caramel. Easy to make butter, cream, sugar. Surprised you had those to be honest.” “Ah. You’re being very resourceful...” You clearly weren’t awake yet, pointing out to yourself that there was actually already a syrup bottle on the table. “God, please let me take you shopping...” “What today?” He hummed tilting his head one way and then the other “if that’s what you wanna do, Darlin’...” “I kinda don’t wanna do anything… But… I feel like you’re only gonna complain at me if we don’t…” He didn’t quite nod his agreement, but he took your hand in his and rested it on your knee “…If we do… Then at least I can cook for you more often.” “Are you really THAT worried?” “Yeah. I really am.” And you had to smile, because not only was he being sweet – he was also being serious.

What Danny really admired about you was the way you ate. As a chef that was important to him, and it was important you liked what he made you. But the way you thought about every bite you took impressed him. He couldn’t help but love you more as he watched you eat; “What?” “…You… You just… Amaze me, sometimes…” But he pointed to your plate with his fork “Just, less sugar. Next time. Please?” You got this innocent but defiant look on your face as you tilted your head “…Well, I can’t get ALL my sugar from you…” He laughed, and then leant towards you to brush sugar from your lips with his own. It was a good move, and was rewarded by you pulling his shirt to bring his body closer to yours. He deepened his kiss and all that did was threaten for you to take it back to the bedroom. You pulled away, savouring the taste of his lips on yours for just a moment longer; “Hmmm…” He agreed satisfied “I guess you’re right.”

 *** Later that morning you found yourself on a short road-trip; because he was serious about taking you grocery shopping and apparently no other day would do. But now he was driving you, humming along to the radio. It was another nice day, and he had the windows down and his shades on. He looked hot, you had to admit, he was just something else and you were damn proud that he was sitting here beside you. You couldn’t resist texting Amanda, knowing you wanted all the gossip from her night with Javier. It wasn’t like they didn’t ask for every excruciating detail of every date Danny ever took you on. You always remained mysterious about it; Danny showed too much of himself to you and all of it was for you to keep. Not to tell anyone else. Did you wake up with a 10? I didn’t wake up with anybody Amanda! I’m shocked! What happened!? I’m taking it slow. How’s your 10? Well, he’s at least a 12. But yeah, I woke up with him 😉 Ugh. You are beyond lucky. I know. I knnnnow x You were laughing, which got Danny curious. “What?” he nudged your arm when you shook your head “What’s so funny!?” “Nothin’! I’m just…” you waved your hands “Complimenting my awesome boyfriend.” “OH!” He smirked; “IS he now!?” “Well he better damn well think he is too.” “He, uh, I guess he thinks he could be. I mean… He has you.” He let you take his hand in yours; “Well… He takes good care of me… Which is what matters. As he’s proving right now.” “Yeah well. Someone’s gotta do it!” He laughed “Of course I’m happy to do it…!” “Well anything to stop him complaining.” You could tell he was rolling his eyes behind his shades; “Eh….!! I’m not sure he’ll ever do that.” “Shame…” You shook your head “I love him anyway…” “He wants you to know…” he laced your fingers together and looked across to you “He loves you too.”

* You were both tangled up together on your balcony in the late afternoon sun, having the best of lazy days. Your head against his chest as he stroked his hand absentmindedly through your hair… You knew you could stay like this forever… Hell, maybe after your next move you would get that wish. “Danny…” “Hmm?” He blew out smoke in answer, taking another drag of his cigarette as you shuffled around, producing a box tied up in blue ribbon. “I’m actually kinda glad you broke your promise, Because… Now I get to give you this…” He shook his head, “You didn’t have to get ME anything…” Although his eyes flicked to the necklace you were still wearing proudly… He rested his cigarette in the ash tray and took the box from you, “Are you sure?” “Yes!” “…Seriously you didn’t have to.” “I wanted to, too. Anyway, this one is important…” He looked to the box, pulling the blue ribbon slowly he met your eyes again. Would this be as important to you as that necklace was to him? he wondered. You sighed; “Danny! Just open the damn thing the suspense is killing me!” He gave it his full attention as he lifted the lid gently. Then looked a little confused as he was presented with a set of keys; “Are these… The keys to your apartment…?” He lifted them from the box and studied them with careful interest. “…You’re giving me the keys to your apartment?” “No…” You were careful with your choice of words, “Well. No, yeah that’s what they are, but that’s not what I’m asking.” He turned his attention to you out of curiosity… You took a deep breath. Only your parents had keys to this apartment besides you. But, you’d already made up your mind on this one. Danny wasn’t just someone you were seeing, he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. And it wasn’t Valentine’s Day, or whisky or heck even sugar talking. This was pure and simple; it was the way you felt and you had to let him know it. You looked at him with nothing but adoration; “Danny… I’m asking, please, and in the most real… honest, wholehearted way I can… For you to move in with me.”

@stcphstrange - Protect this one with your life! It’s been through a lot!!

[reddieforakiss]

Icecream on Sundays

College Reddie// not established relationship// roommates// Rated M for intense make outs and sexual references// SPOILER ALERT FOR HEATHERS MOVIE

Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak have been living together for around a year now. In senior year they ended up deciding on the same college so they figured being each other’s room mate was better than being with a stranger.

// When Richie first brought the idea up to Eddie, they were in his room reading comic books. “Eds I think we should be room mates when we get to college”, Richie said out of no where, and Eddie threw him a confused look. Richie went on to reason, “I mean who knows what kind of weirdos could end up rooming with you otherwise?”. Eddie snorted and nudged his side into Richies side, “I know exactly the kind of weirdo that I’m gonna room with”, he looked in Richies eyes “you”. Richie smiled wide and wrapped his arm around Eddies shoulder, “Aw hell yes Eds! You aren’t gonna regret it”. Eddie turned red and laughed softly, smiling, “I feel like I already am”. //

As they moved in and began school, the two of them started in routines. Eddie always got to shower in the morning and Richie did at night. Eddie made both of them breakfast as long as Richie would do the dishes after. If either one of them left at night, they would leave notes for each tier saying where they went and when they would get back. On Saturday mornings they would always go grocery shopping, at the mini mart of course. And, every Sunday night, they would get snacks and watch a movie together.

This particular Sunday it was Eddies turn to pick the movie as Richie had picked it last time, choosing Transformers 2 much to Eddies distaste. He reasoned the special effects were what made it good and as Richie was a film major he “cared about that kind of thing”. This week Eddie decided to go for Heathers. The two were sitting on the couch, icecream bowls in their hands and Eddie was queuing it up on Netflix. “EuGh Eds we have seen that movie so many times”, Richie huffed out, honestly he didn’t mind though because both JD and Veronica were hot as fuck and made his bisexual brain do flips. “What! It’s a good movie with an important message”, Eddie shot back. Richie looked at him with raised eyebrows, “Mhm and I’m sure it doesn’t help that you think JD is”, Richie then wiggled his eyebrows, “SpiCy”. Eddie bumped his shoulder, “so what! I like bad boys okay!”. Richie snorted, “Eddie, he’s not a bad boy he’s a cold blooded murderer”, he then leaned in close to Eddies ear, “I mean, unless that’s what you’re also into, I can kill a man too ya know”. Richies whispered voice sent shivers down Eddies spine, god damnit. Richie had been doing shit like that all the time lately, always teasing him about them being together. And sure Eddie kind of enticed it with his own comments but sometimes it got too much for him to handle. Sometimes it made Eddie think, he might actually like Richie?? But now wasn’t the time for that, so Eddie shoved him away and shouted, “Ew, Gross!” And as usually Richie pretended to be dramatically wounded.

As the movie began to play, Eddie sang along to the introduction; “When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?..”. Richie looked at him fondly when he did that, Eddie was cutest when he sang along to songs he liked because he would always get this bright look in his eyes. God what a beautiful boy. “How do you think they got Veronica buried under all that grass?”, Richie inquired with icecream in his mouth. “I don’t know Richie, I don’t think this movie is really going for realism”, Eddie looked back at him. He had peanut butter on his cheek, Richie always insisted putting peanut butter in his vanilla icecream, gross. But kinda cute too.......Shit.

Right around the time Heather Chandler screamed corn nuts, Richie had gotten bored. It was a good movie yes, but after you’ve seen it ten times in a year it starts to loose its charm. Richie looked over at Eddie, his face lit up by the bright screen amoungst the fading light from outside their window. Eddies eyelashes always looked long, but it was the most noticeable from his profile. God, those pretty lashes and that angel nose could kill a man. Richies eyes moved down to Eddies mouth and, fuck. Eddies lips were glossy with icecream residue, they were also puffy from the coldness of the treat. A small drop of melted icecream fell down from the corner of his mouth and Eddies tongue went to lick it up. Everything felt like slow motion. Shit that looks kind of like. God no Richie no not right now, Richie turned to face the screen again.

Right around the time Veronica had made the call to the football players, Eddie realized Richie kept looking at him. He’d look back, only to find Richies head snapping away back to the screen. What was he up to? But as it happened more often, Eddie could see from the corner of his eye that Richie was looking at his lips. Eddie took another spoonful of icecream and, Oh. That’s what Richie was looking at. Eddie looked down at the cold white treat in his hands, and there was quiet a lot left. Richie had gotten a whole pint each for both of them and while Richie finished his quickly, Eddie had barely made a dent. Eddie brought another spoonful up to his lips, this time slowly dragging the spoon out of his mouth. He could feel Richie shift on the couch. He felt like he was in control in a weird way, and in an even weirder way, it was kind of hot. Now Eddie upped his game, this time swirling his tongue around the spoon. The next spoonful he made sure to leave a good amount left on his lips so he could slide his tongue across them. And the next time, he “accidentally” dropped some on his shirt. Now Eddie was never one to make messes, but this time it was kind of fun. Eddie huffed to make himself seem frustrated and began to suck on the fabric where it had dripped. He mouthed at it and gave it small licks with his tongue. He could feel the intense heat of Richies stare burning into him. He liked to know he did in fact make Richie feel some kind of way and this thing was not one sided. And it was not one sided by a long shot.

Richie wouldn’t take it anymore and grabbed Eddies shoulder. “Eds”. Eddie looked back up at him, as innocent as could be, “yea rich?”. Richie stared him down intensely, searching for something. Eddie looked back, daring. “Can I have some of your Icecream?”.... what? That was not what Eddie was expecting at all. “Uh, sure Rich”, he went to grab the pint but Richie grabbed his sleeve again. “No”, Richie felt incoherent at this point, trying to fight through his lust, “Wan taste now”. Richie dove in for a kiss and Eddie shivered. It was intense and full force, no warning at all. Eddie melted into it, his eyes closing and letting out a soft moan as Richie licked into his mouth. Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie and moved them up and down. He wanted to feel every single inch of him. One of Richies hands snaked down the the waistband of Eddies shorts and slowly began to slide under. Richie grabbed his bare ass and kneeded it with his palm. Eddie moaned louder, allowing Richie access farther into his mouth. The kiss became even more passionate and Eddies entire body became red hot with burning desire. Richie pushed Eddie down into the couch, now having both hands on the smaller boys bare ass. Eddie grabbed at every part he could, his fingernails raked up and down Richies back, one hand making its way up to Richies neck to pull at the small hairs. Richie groaned and drew back for one second, “please do that again oh god please please please”, he blubbered out. Eddie got a handful of hair this time and pulled harder, Richie had to take his mouth of Eddies as his became breathless. “Fuck”, Eddie whispered “you’re so hot went you’re turned on”. Richie looked down at him again, “oh yea?”. He smiled into Eddies neck and began to kiss him hard. “Mmhm, yea”, Richie sucked at his Adam’s apple. “So”, Eddie was breathless, “h,happy you got that icecream”. Richie laughed into the crook of Eddies neck, “me too Eds”. “Mmm”, Eddie pushed Richie up and off him. Richie looked worried but Eddie came crashing down on top of him. Eddie mouthed at Richies neck, “Wan make you feel good too rich”. Richie breathed out, “holy fuck”. Eds bent down near Richies painfully hard crotch, Richie began to say something but Eddie interrupted, “no I’m not doin that, not tonight atleast”. Eddie kisses Richies hip bones instead and lifted up his shirt so he could see his exposed stomach in the light of the tv screen. Eddie looked down and raked his eyes across Richies body. He was so beautiful. Richie had always been lanky, his ribs slightly exposed from leaning back, and Eddie loved it. Richie got paranoid from Eddies silence. “Sorry im not much to look at”, Richie laughed out. Eddie looked up at him confused, “are you kidding me? God I could stare at this for days, take a picture and frame it even”. Richie awkwardly laughed, “okay whatever you say”. Eddie could hear the doubt in Richies voice and it aches. Eddie kissed Richies jaw and then neck. “Think you’re beautiful rich”, he laid his head on Richies chest, “always have”. “Ohoh yea?” Richie grinned down at him with a goofy smile. “Yea”, Eddie sighed softly and played with Richies chest hair. “Sorry, that was kind of a mood killer thing for me to say huh”, Richie laughed a little solemnly. “It’s alright”, Eddie held him tight, “that’s about as far as I wanted to go tonight anyways”, he smiled up at Richie.

Eddie laid on Richie as the rest of the movie played. Eddie loved the way the bare skin of Richies chest felt against his cheek. When the movie ended Richie whispered, “Hey Eds?”. Eddie looked up through sleepy eyes , “mhm?”. “Do this um”, Richies voice seemed a bit scared, “did this mean anything to you? Cuz it meant a lot to me and I just want to be on the same page because I’ve loved you for a while now and you are my everything and I just think you’re so magical ya know and”-. Eddie cut him off with a quick kiss. “This meant everything to me Rich”, he smiled at him softly. Richie looked at Eddie almost tearful, “Eddie kaspbrak, will you be my boyfriend?”.

“I thought you’d never ask”. And after a quick kiss, the two fell asleep.

[dailyjeons]

BTS account 13/10/18

didn’t do merch cause i did that in london, didnt go for studio cause that was probably not feasible with how our lines were going (at least i was too scared to do it).. sucks cause i didnt get allowed into the london booth while in the amsterdam booth everyone was queue-ing up anyways and getting in lol

bolding the subjects so you can skip parts that dont interest you

pre concert stuff So I was going to the concert with a person(Julie) I met through tumblr, she responded to my message asking if people wanted to queue up in GA with me cause I was alone. She was with a group of people and they basically adopted me so that was nice!!  Julie was super kind, constantly looking out for me, for my anxiety too and just I really loved being with her, time really flew!! We prioritized looking out for eachother over seeing the boys so I was really happy bout that! We basically queued up at 7AM in the 'unofficial line' that later on became the official one! Campers were sent out, I believe, but they probably came back early still! We still had a fairly decent spot I suppose? The camping out itself wasn't too stressful but I had a lot of anxiety bout being in the pit in a crowd of people, not havin bathroom breaks and being on 2 hours of sleep gjkfg Julie tried to reassure me through all of that. there were some fans giving out some stuff in the line!! like arts and stuff and i got this from a jimin fansite, i think she was japanese? 

it was so funny basically she did rock paper scissors with fans to determine if they’d win.. i lost but she gave it to me anyways?? LOL she didnt give it to anyone else that lost LOL

gettin into pit Eventually we got in and fortunately my tickets worked!! We like rushed into the left side but the view was not bad, ok, then we tried for the right side and we got similar views? But I think overall it was just a little better! We were around the sixth/fifth row in the pit but we moved up a bit to the fifth/fourth during the concert. I had a fairly good view on the stage, and could see the boys clearly!! I still used my iphone to film cause of the amazing quality zoom it has and i have so much gooood footage ahhhh my hands are super shaky though so thats annoying but oh well, its something! they like handed out water very often thank god so i could cool off and drink durin the concert!! we had to stand for like 3 hours inside so i was getting really nervous but once the concert started it was fine!!

concert Anyways the concert itself was mindblowing? They're actually sosososo good live it's actually insane how they sing live through their choreo or while bouncing around. Tear is still my favorite performance but the crowd went a little too wild around then so i didnt enjoy it as much :( They also did the medley I prefered (w Baepsae) which made so happy cause i got to experience both medleys now jdskfhfsdf.. i do feel like the performances were better for the London date, but the interactions and the boys happiness were on a much higher level in Amsterdam, especially with jungkook flying around trying to dance!! That said I felt like the crowd fell a little bit flat.. When the Jimin/Namjoon VCR was playing everyone was screaming initially for both but after a hot minute they like only screamed for Jimin?? The silence was actually deafening so Julie and I decided to help with Namjoon's screams then, and it was so disappointing we were legitimately the only 2 people screaming for him in such a venue lol. Crowd did however go wild at Kim Seokjin's performance, and IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES. Overall I think Seokjin and Jimin had the best reactions in Amsterdam, and London both.

impressions on boys As for the boys. Gonna be honest with y'all I was so busy filming Jungkook solo all day that I didn't really notice others?? fdjkghdf since i already had thel ondon date i figured today was jungkook's day now i had sights on him proper.. Some notes, Yoongi, Jimin and Namjoon spoke some Dutch and it was super cute!! Yoongi did it first fjgdkhfdg 

Yoongi: Super smol but big hands, and fluffy cheeks (he bloats really easily lolol) his see saw performance was REALLY good today too, i feel like reaction to seesaw is the best, everyone's always singing the whole song w it while most of the crowd struggled with their title tracks in both london and amsterdam LOLLL yoongi must be so proud over it.. also he's the first to speak in dutch to us but it was like really suddenly right before they were performing so nobody really noticed fjghkdfg and u know when he makes a dad joke and he smiles flustered, but nobody reacts to his jokes.. he did that thing LOLLL

Namjoon; very long and slender, his legs are legit 70% of his body and he went offffff today like when he's into shit like tear i cry cuz oh my god merCY kjdfhgdhjkfg Namjoon seemed to really love Amsterdam tbh he kept talking bout stuff to do while the others had fairly standard stuff to say, with a lot of repeat from the london concert too (which is fine vconsidering its hard for themt o speak in eng too)

Hoseok: He looks a lot sharper irl?? im not sure if i said differently last time, but now i saw him up close he's definitely much more handsome, cameras dont do him justice.. also he always has the most gentle smile on his face and it calmed me down a lot jkfgh

Taehyung: tbh im not sure if i missed him but i didnt really see him on my side a lot? i think like a few times i tried to film but couldnt really get it..?? julie did tho.. he's kind of.. small? but not small like yoongi but small like i'd confuse him for a high school kid.. BUT his face?? is really smth else his face is SO small but his features are sooooooo big and sharp.. god himself shaped this boy

Jin: ok yeah this man is 10000% more handsome irl liek i was filmin jk and lost focus and then jin appeared and i almost dropped my phone cause what the fuck?? hes GORGEOUS.. he didnt do the forehead/glasses look today though, unfortuantely cause jesus christ that was something else. he was bein a crackhead to jk again today rofll

jimin: he's legit a fairy irl lol it doesnt make sense.. like.. he's... really pretty....... super super super pretty, guys like legitimiately glowing.. he was super playful today and he seemed really happy to perform on his birthday which is super pure considering.. who likes working on their birthday? he like moved his dressshirt/blouse off shoulder a bit during the fake love portion of the set and oh ym god h..e..........HE... his collar... i want 2 kiss it.......platonically.

as for jimin's birthday.. omg he's so cute? they were at the extended stage when his birthday message came up (a message in dutch) and he like instantly rushed back to the main stage to show off his birthday message and he proceeded to talk in dutch about how it's his birthday, and how army are his gift?? it was suuuper cute!! imagine Jimin practicing his dutch just for this moment fdgkjhdf

jungkookie!!

Anyways onto ma boy!! Jungkook is absolutely unreal pretty. He didn't look as bloated/pained today so i guess i saw The Jungkook today and he's so.. sharp looking??? like his jawline and cheekbones are insane and like the dimple?? ughhhhh he looked a lil smaller now i was upclose but his thighs were still gods gift.. also he did forehead kookie instead of coconut kookie, i remain blessed.. he always hears my prayers..

throughout the show he was honestly super cute, he kept dancing in his chair to the choreo, spinning in circles while doing it, hopping around the stage slowly to wave and look at every fan.. he even looked towards me at some point but i legitimately dodged and turned away cause like I FELT SO GReaYS ANd i'd rather not have him see me like that lmaooo anyways it's so super cute how despite his injury he still tries to give it his all at all times, and now he could walk around he's instantly back at trying to make interactions with all fans?? a precious baby honestly!!

his ending ment was really-really sweet as well and it always amazes me how eloquent he can get when he gets to share us his real feelings.. i really am glad he's not too disappointed in himself anymore and has reached a point where he's just working on getting better instead<3!!

other than that, just like in london.. jungkook's vocals are insane. i don't care that he's not top tier vocalist in terms of technique but he got smth completely else and thats' how comffortably he can move around in his range and remain stable and it's just.. so amazing to hear him hit certain notes with almost.. ease? voice never cracks even after 23948234 songs it's so sickkkk

anyways this was definitely one of the best nights in my life.. despite allt hes tress and anxiety.. i’m sosoosos glad i went through all of this for that.. i had the greatest company and ended up having the greatest experience<3

[seesarahaccomplishstuff]

Therapy today helped a bit.

I told my therapist how I’ve been having intense breakdowns since Monday and haven’t been doing okay.

She asked what happened and I told her how I thought the childhood stuff wouldn’t bother me because it was so long ago, but it’s so frustrating to see how much my parents fucked me up. And now there’s this huge list of ways I’m broken that won’t stop growing. And it’s my entire personality. And more people are leaving and that triggered my anxiety, and someone that I’m trying to trust massively crossed a boundary that made my rejection issues even worse.

So she nodded and said “you have a lot to work on. And you really jumped all into it, which is really great, but you’re going to feel like you’re losing for a while. It’s going to overwhelm you a lot. And it’s going to feel easier to lock yourself in your room and off yourself.” (Which I didn’t expect her to say, but she’s right) So I said, “I just don’t fully see the point in trying to fix 30 years of broken.”

“What’s wrong with your personality?” “It’s all fucked up. Everything I do is codependent.” “Sure. Give me an example.” And I couldn’t think of one offhand, so I said, “the thing I realized the other day was I do something for someone because I care right? Which is fine. But also when people are stressed about their situation they get mad. And when that happens I get snapped at and shoved away. So I help to avoid that too I think.”

She was not sold on that. “You used to buy dinner for friends a lot. You did that so you wouldn’t get in trouble?” “No. I did it because I like when people do nice things for me and they don’t always make sure they can eat so I do it so they feel cared about and are healthy.” “That’s just being kind. When you would pay a bill for them they typically pay it right back. So is that codependent?” “No. They need help so I help and they pay it back.” “The times you did it when you didn’t have money to spare. (Which I argued and she called me out lol) The times you let them blow off repaying- that was codependent. You do have a lot of codependent tendencies. But kindness is inherently codependent. You can’t rip apart any time you’ve shown someone kindness. Your biggest codependency issue is not holding boundaries for yourself.”

“You need to repeat the phrase ‘People treat you the way you’ve taught them to treat you’.” “My friend used to say that to me at least once a week.” “Yea well, they’re smart and we’ve covered that you needed to listen to what they’d tell you more than you did. You also need to remember that you don’t control other’s emotions. And other people don’t control yours.”

“People think you’re manipulative and controlling. That’s what they’ve taken from your behavior. You can’t control that. You know it’s not what you intended. You know you’ve been improving for many months. I know you have. But you made them feel a certain way and their opinions didn’t change. You can look at that and acknowledge it and re-examine your behavior like you are. But you can’t change their minds. And their feelings don’t make you that person. So fixating on it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

And then she asked me if I was doing all of this for me or them and I told her I’m having a hard time prioritizing myself. That it pisses me off when people pull the “great pain means great growth. You’ll look back and smile” bullshit. Because the way this feels is terrible and I hate it. So, I know I can’t change anyone’s view of me, but I’m doing all this to try and be who I wanted to be for people who had to leave because of my behavior. And she accepted that.

I also have to start some EDM... pretty sure it’s 4 letters. It’s something to work through past trauma. She said she’d send videos to watch. My alanon group leader asked if she did that sort of thing last week so I guess that’s just where we are. Wait lol... edm is music lemme actually Google the acronym so I seem less ignorant. EMDR, damn dyslexia. Anyway. That.

But basically, I need to really work to not shred myself when I’m low. It’s gotten bad. I also need to start on my books that came yesterday. 2/3 are here. She wants me to try and list my codependent behaviors. I also need to start painting and journaling again. I like this outlet and it’s easiest for my brain, but the way I was doing it all in my watercolor notebook was really therapeutic. It’s just been a bitch of a week.

I’ll be fine and I feel less like having a breakdown or dying. I think I know another thing that is really fucking with me through everything, but I don’t feel comfortable posting it here right now I think. I also can’t do anything about it.

Last night in alanon a woman said “when one door closes another one opens, but the hallway is hell.” And like, yea. Fuck dude. I took a psych class once where the teacher had a gazillion psych type degrees and would open the class with us getting to ask about mental health shit. And one kid asked if it was possible to change personalities. And he said “sure, but you usually see it following a trauma where it rewrites your thought processes. Because it’s hell to do otherwise, and a lot of people can’t handle it.” And I get it now. I thought he meant habits and comfort zones. But it feels like being handed a pile of shards that used to be your brain and given a timelimit to reassemble it. But half the pieces are trauma copies and you have to figure out which parts are imposters, but they actually fit better than the pieces that should be there. And if you fail you lose everything.

Anyway, that’s where I am today. I queued a couple posts last night so you might see random downers, but what I’m thinking of doing is only reblogging positive stuff, and queueing negative stuff that resonated for like, 7am. And I say that because sometimes I rescroll my blog to recount the day or previous day to either feel good with the good posts again or reevaluate the things I’ve said the day before. Since with my mood they don’t always apply still or I may have a totally different approach at that thought. And I do that when I go to bed around 2. So at 7 I won’t be seeing negative shit right before bed. Cuz I’ve fallen asleep and woken up bitter the last few days.

We’ll see. I have lots to do today. I’ve been off twitter so no children have reminded me to do my taxes. I also have to get a new phone today so I’m fully out from under my mother. And I have insurance stuff and inspection cleaning to tackle. It’s only 1 and I’m ready to call it a day.

I hope what my therapist said helps anyone else who is struggling. I like hearing the lines that have stuck with patients and really helped them. So when it doesn’t fuck with me I’d like to be open about what I discuss in therapy. I always used to think it’d solve so many of my problems if I could send my friends zoom links of my sessions since I’m so bad at expressing myself lol. So this is also a bit of an exercise for me to be more outspoken about my feelings (if this bothers anyone you can send an anonymous ask) And therapy isn’t accessible to everyone so maybe it gives someone what they need to go forward a bit in their struggles. (Alanon and CoDa are free and on zoom now though! Definitely look into it if it applies to you!)

There’s a line in a bts song. Idk which one honestly, Ik it’s in the BE photo book though I can post a pic. It comes to mind because my friend would write it a lot when they first heard it. And it’s something like “sometimes we get to know that broken is beautiful”. My therapist today said “you are broken, everyone is. And no one is as broken as they think they are.” I hope one day this feels like a beautiful moment in my life and not the purgatory it feels like. I hope I grow enough for it to be worth it.

[brooklynislandgirl]

we havent rped yet cuz i need 2 respond lol but ! ♥, ✓

I am a wise and patient Turtle. I can wait. :)

And totally didn’t remember queuing that meme so. I’m sorry for that. LMAO.Turtle is cute. Forgive her.

♥ : I love that from almost the instant we started talking you were SUPER enthusiastic and supportive even though I don’t have a dedicated blog to the era/fandom. I absolutely love how quickly we flowed with HC and ideas and plot and I am looking forward to putting that on the page. And I love that you’re so supportive and easy to talk to. 

✓ : Understand hun, that we’re all writers and rpers here. Which means there’s a huge part of us that cling to illusion and fantasy because it helps the little introverted souls we are connect meaningfully with other people. You’ve mentioned to me that you feel rusty, that you aren’t up to the way you used to be. And you know what? That is OK. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. To answer with short replies. To take as much time as you need in formulating an answer. To just...breathe. The rest will sort itself out :)Bonus: I love the ideas behind Davy, and Davy and Maddog, and pretty much all the other stuff we’ve talked about :)