#queued because i dont want to be online to post it myself

[that-satireguy]

missing the days i used to spend fighting with terfs because at least back then, whenever i was shocked by the disgusting nature of people online i could comfort myself in the knowledge it was not from my own community.

[thewindsofsong]

@cross-d-a tagged me like 2 days ago. This took me waaay too long to do

rules: answer 30 questions and tag however many blogs you want!

name: thewindsofsong, wind, windy, song, twos, but mainly thewindsofsong. Pretty much everywhere I’m on the internet I am thewindsofsong. 

gender: she/her

star sign: aries

height: 5’4”. I think?

time: 12:46 pm

birthday: april 10th

favorite bands: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…………. I dont even know anymore. Is florence and the machine a band or solo artist? Pentatonix? 

favorite solo artists: Regina Spektor, Mitski 

last movie: Legend of Loulan (with Liu Chang)

last show: Ultimate Note. Very good, highly recommend 

when did i create this blog: 2012? I think?

what i post: mostly reblogs of very random stuff (hence the blog name) but increasing the amount of original posts, mostly centered around 

last thing i googled: how to translate “old cat lady” into chinese

other blogs: There’s twoscats where i reblog all the cute animals on my dash. I used to have that queu filled up to the brink, but its lucky to have 1-2 posts a day now...

do i get asks: Not really. The one’s I’ve gotten are usually the “pass this on!” type which are really sweet to get, but then I never remember to do anything with…. 

why i chose my url: thewindsofsong has been my online username since basically forever. I think of it as my online self’s name. To use anything else would almost feel like misnaming myself at this point.

following: 128. I go through and unfollow inactive blogs pretty regularly and I like keeing the number around 100. I don’t think I’ve ever gone over 150.

followers: 642. More than 2/3s of them are probably deactivated/dead blogs that haven’t been active in years. Its what happens when you’re tumblr is old i guess

instruments: I did learn piano but haven’t really played in years. Did percussion back when i was in school, but haven’t been able to do that in years either. I have a ukulele that I pick up every once in a while

what i am wearing: pjs. I’ve been wearing pjs for months now. I don’t want to start wearing regular cloths again.

dream job(s): housewife? I was working like a productive human until covid happened and I burned out of my job like a sparkler. I’d think being an artisanal soap maker would be fun.

dream trip: Japan would be a lot of fun. My Japanese is a horrible, terrible thing, but it’d be enough to get around with a good translation app. I’d like to go back to China some time too to visit family, but that side of the family is SO MUCH and I am easily overwhelmed.

favorite foods: I don’t know if i really have a favorite food? I like garlic a lot. Mushrooms are also really good but my partner hates them. Tomato and egg stir fry on rice is a comfort food from childhood

nationality: american

favorite song: None currently, mostly because I’ll listen to anything in particular at the moment.

last book i read: Does fanfic count? If not, then I’m currently reading a translation of ChongQi. I really don’t read books anymore… just fanfiction….

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: star trek because capitalism doesn’t exist there any more. I could be the lazy bum I’ve always wanted to be there. Next would probably be the Unsleeping City  from D20.  Magical NYC just seems like it would be so much fun; not to mention that if I managed to learn prestidigitation, I’d open a laundromat and clean laundry at very low costs and therefor, very low price. Considering my current obsession, I feel like I have to say DMBJ for the last one. I’d never go down into a tomb because I’d die instantly. I’d go to school and specialize in grief counseling and then make bank specializing in tomb robbers. Last would be Yuuri on Ice universe because then I could see the epic romance between the world’s top male figure skaters happen in real life.

Tagging: whoever wants to do this?

[seraphic-sapphic-safehaven]

Sometimes I feel like I can't call myself butch because I'm not strong/I don't have toned muscles/I dont work out (lmao didn't know how to word that hkhfjj). I know body type doesn't define anything about whether one is butch, but I still feel bad for being weak and short. Sorry if this doesn't make sense it's 5am and I can't sleep.

Hey, sorry for getting to this so late. When I got this ask, I was busy doing my TDOV post and then queuing stuff for TDOV and yeah…. busy lol.

Anyway, this does make sense, don’t worry. And I get why you feel that way. But like you said, butchness (and femmeness) isn’t defined by body type. I know that a lot of butches do seem to be muscular, tall, etc., but they don’t all look like that; those are just the most popular selfies you see online. But butches come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no one way to be butch! There’s lots of cute, short butches out there, including ones who aren’t super muscular. Like, my wife and I both ID with the butch label, and we’re both chubby and short. I still have my marching band muscles from high school, but otherwise, I’m lackin’ in the muscle department 😂 For a long time, I felt like I didn’t look the part of being butch either, but I eventually got over that by reading a lot of butch positivity posts, talking about it with my wife, gradually moving from doing a lot of makeup everyday, and buying clothes that made me feel more butch and more gender euphoric. So, maybe you could try stuff like that! You can also talk to friends or even me if you want, and you could make your own butch positivity posts, too! And you can write little affirmations (like “You are butch enough” or “All butches are valid” or “You look fabulously butch today!”) on sticky notes, and stick them around your room, bathroom, etc. Yknow, just anything to make you feel better and to help you accept ‘butch’ as a label for yourself 😊

I promise you, you are butch enough. No matter how you look, how you dress, how tall or short you are, how muscular you are… you are absolutely, positively, undeniably butch enough!!! 💕

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[shelltershock]

hello. i wanted to message you because i'm not really happy with you. i've sent you in tons of asks, i've sent you private messages. you never respond to them. i see you online every single day and sometimes i see you reply to one thread more than others so why does mine get put off for like a week at a time? you say you love everyone but ur clearly biased. if you dont like me just say so.

     ~*..// Alright, first, I’m going to say this: Next time you have an issue like this, come to me off of anon. I can’t fix issues with people unless I know who you are and what’s wrong. I’m not a mind reader, if I’m doing something wrong or hurtful to you, you need to tell me. I’m sorry if that sounds rude, but as someone who struggles with severe anxiety that is flared when I think I make people upset, come to me so I can fix it. This message honestly gave me such bad anxiety I couldn’t touch my inbox since I got it. 

     Now, I’m going to break this message down as best I can.

     I’m sorry you aren’t happy with me. I really am. I do so much to try and make people happy, but I am only human. I make mistakes. I’m not able to make everyone happy and that is an issue I am slowly coming to terms with. I do what I can to keep my followers safe, happy, and keep my blog as a safe space for everyone. You can ask my friends, I am quick to re-tract issues such as accidental mis-gendering, trigger or content warnings, removing head canons that could potentially be viewed as harmful stereotypes, messaging people to double check if they’re okay with things. I try. I try so hard. If I don’t get feed back from you on what I’m doing wrong, I can’t fix it. 

     As for the asks, I’m sorry. I really am. But as I found out recently, my inbox apparently loves to eat asks. Like, legit. I don’t know why, I don’t know how it chooses it’s victims, but it does. But here is the thing as well: I don’t always answer asks. My main concern is getting caught up with the drafts I have currently, then I go in and answer asks; unless an ask is particularly appealing to me. Everyone has selective days. If I don’t answer your ask after a week, chances are I haven’t been on or tumblr ate it. 

     For the private messaging issue, I would like to reiterate this statement: I am not always on. I would also like to point out that everyone has selective days. There are days that I am just not into talking and if I am then it’s most likely people I’ve formed a bond with. People I feel comfortable around. People who I see as wanting to actually be friends and not just use me for muse interactions. Sometimes, I just want to talk to a specific person. It happens. It’s part of being an introvert. I’m sorry you feel like I’m ignoring you, but I will always respond to private messages so long as they don’t make me uncomfortable. It just might take some time. 

     Next, I want to talk about me being online every day, because that’s not a thing. I’m sorry you think it is, considering I’ve stated many, many times I leave my queue running during the day. My queue runs from 11 am EST to 11 pm EST and spits out 20 posts a day. I do not tag my things as queued, because if I did, 98% of my blog would show up in the ‘queued’ tag. Heck, I wasn’t on at all the past few days. And if I was, it was for a brief moment to see how things are, then I disappear again. I am not here to be at someone’s beck and call. I am here to have fun. I am here to get away from my reality, and drama like this makes me want to leave tumblr. It’s when people get so needy, they don’t realize, other bloggers don’t actually owe them anything. 

     Yes, there are day’s I actually reblog posts instead of putting them in the queue. Why? Because my muse is absolutely awake and alive for that thread and wants more. Because that thread has caught my attention for the day, or me and the mun plotted something and I’m excited to get to it. Sometimes, I just really only want to do one thread. For example, Bridgette is exceedingly active right now, so the chance of me actually posting her threads is much higher. Not guaranteed, but higher. 

     I queue all of my threads. Everyone’s thread has been queued at some point or another because queueing them keeps me from getting overwhelmed. It keeps things paced so I don’t go from having no replies due to suddenly oweing 50. Because if that happens, I shut down for a while. I’m not a reply machine. I’m on here to have fun and I do what I need to to keep myself happy and stable and not force anxiety attacks. I’m sorry you want more interactions with me. I’m sorry you don’t get replied to as much as you like. But I’m not here for you. I’m here for me. I’m here to make friends, to enjoy my muses, my ships. I’m here to meet people who actually care about the person behind the screen. 

     I do love every one of my followers. They’re the reason I have threads to begin with. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be selective. I stated very clearly that I am semi-selective. I’m sorry you think I owe you more, but I don’t. I’m not going to go out of my way to please someone who can’t bring their issue to me personally. I’m sorry you feel like I dislike you. Because the truth is, if we have a thread, or I’m following you, I don’t dislike you. 

     Anyways, that’s all I have to say. From now on, please try to be more mindful of the person behind the screen. You have no idea what they deal with on a day-to-day. You have no idea how hard it might be for them to reply to certain threads on certain days. And most importantly, you do not own the person you are role-playing with. Role-playing is meant to be fun. If you aren’t having fun with me, which, judging by this message - you’re not, then stop rping with me. I’ll be sad to see a follower go, but if not wondering if I like you or not will help you, then I understand. 

     I hope you have a good day, and I hope any of my followers who read this message and relate to it can take one thing from this: Role play for yourself. Not for others. Do what makes you happy. Stop bending over backwards to make others happy. You are you, you are amazing.

     Have a good day everyone.

[undiagnosedautismfeels]

Not a Feel

- I seem to like. Info dump about myself a lot? Like I'll talk to someone I'm comfortable with and just tell them everything about myself or what's happened recently. Like I've told EVERYONE about how I got food poisoning. And like I don't like that I so this but I just feel the intense need to tell everyone everything all the time. Does this make sense? It it an autistic thing to do? Otter asks

Yes, that’s part of atypical conversation

- iiaat to forget to breathe sometimes?

No, although it’s definitely unusual

- why do neurotypicals like hugs? for me, it's because it's a pressure stim and because it feels like an affirmation of my relationship with the person i'm hugging, but i feel like neurotypicals probably perceive hugging way differently.

I think it’s just that it feels nice and is an intimate thing to do

- My parents wouldn't let me have a test and don't know is I meet the ASAN critiria because is too ambiguous and A$ uses the DSM 5 so I dont know if it is correct to use that. Is there any test or list of symptoms that is more precise online or should I go with the dsm? Thanks

The DSM 5 is official diagnostic criteria and fine to use. I’d also recommend looking at our FAQs, where there’s lots of resources for self diagnosis

- not sure if my ask got eaten up, if i didn't see it, or if it hasn't been answered but: sometimes when i try to speak, especially around people i don't know well, it feels like my throat closes up. i know what i want to say but i can't. is this going nonverbal? (can i be satellite kid 🛰?)

It’s in the queue (most things get queued, so take a few weeks to post), I think so, and yes

- Do you know of any blogs (or can I ask in here) about what being nonverbal or semi-verbal (is that the term?) is like? I'm trying to figure out if I experience it but I've never heard a detailed description of what the person experiences so I can't tell

It varies a bit from person to person, and I can’t think of any blogs offhand. You could try checking our nonverbal tag? It’s essentially wanting to communicate verbally but finding yourself unable to (I have come across semi-verbal, normally for when communication is entirely based on personal scripts or repetition of words/phrases)