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sadfragilegirl · 5 months

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In My Scarlet Red Eyes

In those scarlet red eyes, you think at first glance, it's just a normal scarlet red eyes.

But for me...Those scarlet red eyes of mine, it's a sign that there will be a something that's going to be terrifying and traumatizing that it could slowly broke your heart and soul into a million pieces.

Why? Because the world right now has slowly turned into a place that's no longer a safe haven for me.

In my scarlet red eyes, all I can see it now is...

Innocent people are killed from the war, explosion and genocide.

Children who are supposed to go forward to their bright future with their biggest dreams are already killed and died and marked with their own blood by those people who are monsters inside their souls.

The unstoppable hatred and conflict that it keeps adding up with problems that it could never, ever be solved.

Those happy-go-lucky people who shined everyone's hearts are passed away from suicide because of those people sending unnecessary hate and death threats.

The unnecessary fanwars from every fandom is getting out of hand.

The mistreatment of any artists and idols bt the management, industry and agency are getting even more sickening and disgusting.

The problems are kept adding up and it's getting even more serious and worse, even they tried to solve it and fix it, it gets even worse.

And worst of all, there's too many tragedies and heartbreaks in this world that it makes me imagine myself how my world is slowly turned into black and white with scarlet red details all over the place, thinking about how the world right now is no longer safe and humanity and hope is already lost forever.

I had enough of those things that gave me emotional damage because I'm already traumatized enough that made me feel like my head is spinning and gave me headaches. The deafening sounds of those horror things in the world today made me want to cover my ears but it gets even louder and louder until I couldn't take it anymore that I have to scream it out loud as I could until I knelt down and start to cry with tears streaming down to my eyes.

And the next thing what happened next to me is I became slowly distancing over doing the things that I really love doing it always and the things that it became a part of me.

It's slowly eating itself alive until I became the person I no longer I was anymore.

The person I used to be...Cheerful, free, filled with passion and used to love of things and special interests that made me whole...

Is already dead and gone...

I'm no longer the person I was after all those traumatizing moments that it broke the whole world.

If only I can stop one heart from breaking every time I saw scary things that wounded me...

But in the end...It didn't...

The damage is done and it became an apocalypse of myself and the whole wide world.

I would rather just sleep to escape this dreached reality and never wake up ever again.

Because why?

I'm already traumatized enough.

I'M F*CKING ALREADY TRAUMATIZED ENOUGH!

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Behind The Poetry Work I wrote is under "Keep Reading" to see why I wrote this poetry.

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Behind The Poetry Work

The reason why I wrote this poetry work in one go is because I have to vent myself out about why the world is no longer a safe haven anymore because of those tragic things happening in this world and it's depressing as always.

And after what happened in the world of Kpop right now is nothing but fanwars, mistreatment and idols leaving group or passed away due to suicide (F*CK YOU, PEOPLE WHO ARE SENDING UNNECESSARY HATE AND DEATH THREATS!), I became slowly distancing over loving Kpop Ravi leaving VIXX last April 11, 2023.

Plus, I became slowly distancing over loving other stuff since last year like...

Love Live! series because of announcement of SIF 2 decided to pull out the plug, especially when the Global server will end at the end of the month + the original voice of Setsuna Yuki decided to retired for good and replacing it with new voice actress, which I still not getting used to it.

Naruto/Naruto Shippuden and Boruto after negative news happening after the Ultimate Ninja Storm Connections finally released.

RWBY after Rooster Teeth will slowly closing the doors forever.

Pokemon because I didn't get used to watching somd new anime series, including the Horizons series.

So now...I am currently focusing on other stuff like Honkai Star Rail and Love and Deepspace after all stresseful moments that bought me down.

I hope you can understand my vent because I can't take this bullsh*t any longer.

F*CK EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

~Queennie 🥀

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sadfragilegirl · 7 months

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6 Shining Gold Stars

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Notes: This is for the Sixth Prompt Menu (March) by @writeblrcafe .

The prompt menu I picked is Honey: Choose a song and write something inspired by that song.

The music video above has subtitles on it so please turn subtitles on to English to show the English translation of the lyrics while watching the music video.

If you enjoyed reading this, please give a like AND a reblog. (But seriously, REBLOGS ARE IMPORTANT to support writers like me.)

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Once upon a time,

6 shining gold stars are born into a navy blue sky.

As they took a stage, filled with little stars wielding their lightsticks, they began to dance as it sparkled all over the stadium in different colors of the rainbow.

The first star, the color green, danced gracefully like a swan danced flowly like water.

The second star, the color red, who sang that it could tug their little stars' heartstrings out, and sometimes it can comfort the little stars' fragile hearts.

The third star, the blue star, belted a high note and began to sang cheerfully like walking to the candyland filled with fun and sweetness.

The fourth star, the purple star, rapping bar after bar in every beat and rhythm that it sets the vibe and the mood so vividly.

The fifth star, the yellow star, sometimes sings and sometimes raps. His tender voice adds a subtle touch with every melody they can hear.

And the sixth star, the pink star, which is the youngest, has soft vocals that it can brought warmth like the coziest blanket they love to snuggle with.

Each star has their own unique ways, their vibes...

But those 6 stars have one thing in common: To show their love to support to their little stars.

To sing together.

To share those cherished moments together

To share their funniest moments together when they're feeling happy.

To share their pain together when they're feeling sad.

To go walk hand in hand together through the darkest paths, in good times and the bad.

And dancing around together through the milky way.

6 Shining Gold Stars + Little Stars = Forever shining brightly under the navy blue sky...Together.

The Behind the Poetry on this latest work is under "Keep Reading" so please check it out.

Behind My Poetry Work:

This is inspired by one of my favorite Kpop groups named VIXX. They debuted in May 24, 2012 and they showed their different concepts. (On and On (Vampires), Hyde

and G.R.8.U (Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde), Eternity (Time Fantasy), Error (Cyborg), Chained Up (Love Slaves), Dynamite, Fantasy and The Closer (Greek Gods inspired (Zelos, Hades and Kratos))

The members are N (Cha Hakyeon), Leo (Jung Taekwoon), Ken (Lee Jaehwan), Ravi (Kim Wonshik), Hongbin (Lee Hongbin) and Hyuk (Han Sanghyuk)

The colors of the Shining Gold Stars are based on the colors from the solo performance VCR of VIXX Live Fantasia Daydream concert.

The "Little Stars" thing...I called "Little Stars" as fans because it is based on the name STARLIGHT, which by the way, it's the official fanclub name of VIXX.

And the "navy blue sky" and the "shining gold stars" thing, it is based on the official colors of VIXX: Navy Blue and Shining Gold.

I wrote this in one go/one take because I really both love and miss this Kpop group very much. Things are changing and they are going through their new future. I really miss all the 6 members who are shining together. I felt so much regrets for not being able to see them in person whether it's concerts, fanmeets/fansigns and their solo activities...

I wish I could see them in person once again so I will able to see them one last time.

I hope you will enjoy my latest poetry work.

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sadfragilegirl · 7 months

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A Road to the Sunflower Fields of Peace

On this Day of February 24, 2022, Russia has invaded Ukraine...and the real war has begun.

Dedicated to the people who are living in a very difficult time, children who have traumatized and never get a chance to have do anything fun and having a bright future and the soilders who are fighting for their lives in order to claim their victory.

In short, this is dedicated to all people from Ukraine.

#WeStandForUkraine

#WeStandWithUkraine

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of war, death, destruction, violence and other nasty stuff that it may be distressing to the viewers.

@writeblrcafe

💙💛💙💛💙💛💙💛💙💛

My dear Sunshine,

It's been 2 years...

Since the last time we go to our typical normal lives.

Where the times when things are easier than we may think.

Where the times we held many joys and happiness amidst in our busy lives.

Where the times where the children are painting their towns in sorts of different colors and merrily played all sorts of games.

Where the times when those workers are getting ready to have an another productive day in many different jobs.

Where the times when the schools bells rang as a sign that it's time for the class to begin.

Where the times where their family and friends are doing an enjoyable gathering in many different kinds.

Where the times when the grass is green, the sky is blue, the sun is shining bright yellow, the flowers are blooming in different colors of the rainbow.

But most of all...

Where the entire country was used to be the remarkable place...

But now, everything's changed...

When the so-called "shooting star" has bought into destruction and chaos, causing our safe and peaceful place to turn into a massive wasteland of trauma and despair.

Flowers are beginning to wilt.

The used to be green grass are full of bullets that are scattered everywhere.

The fresh blue skies has turned into polluted gray.

Rainbows and sunshine has turned into smoke and blood.

Members of the families have been separated in order to serve the country and to prevent from tearing down this entire country and wipe away from existence.

The memorable buildings of different shapes and sizes that we recognized are now turned into ashes of memories that we may be never to be seen again.

The soft plushies and the toys that the children are usually played are now covered with industrial dust and smashed into smithereens after the missiles fired towards different houses and buildings.

The children are either died or missing, whether it from the only child or one of their siblings of the family.

The screams of cheerfulness has become the screams of terror.

The parks and cities that used to be quaint and always held with such entertainment and recreation fun has now become an abandoned, ominous place.

Mothers are struggling to take care of their children while their fathers are away from their war. Sometimes, pregnant mothers are giving birth alone with just nurses and widows while their fathers are fighting for their lives.

People are suffered from depression and anxiety from whether it's from the current war, missing one of the loved ones from separation, or both.

Radio and Television are showing the same old thing: The updates about the current war.

And most of all, the entire country has became the most silent place due to a implemented war.

My dear Sunshine,

As you are slowly grow up,

No matter what happens,

We will proclaim victory...

We will all be reunited once again in loving arms...

Truth will be unraveled...

The safe place that they stole away from us will be turned back slowly into it's original form...

But most of all...

We will cross the road to the Sunflower Fields of Peace and danced underneath the warm sunshine and sang songs together just like we did that in the past.

But for now...

I will shower your love and protection even I can only do it from a distance above.

And once you're fully grown...

You must stand up and fight!

Fight for yourself!

Fight for your family!

Fight for your dearest friends!

Fight for the truth!

Fight for the justice!

Fight for honor!

Fight for love!

Fight for the victory!

And lastly...

FIGHT FOR PEACE!

PEACE FOR UKRAINE!

FIGHT FOR UKRAINE!

GLORY TO UKRAINE!

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sadfragilegirl · 6 months

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It's been 365 days...

365 days of heartaches and heartbreaks...

365 days of never ending nightmares that's going to consume me for the rest of my life...

365 days of tears streaming down to my eyes until I let out a heart shattering scream to the heaven's above...

365 days of remembering the happy memories that haunted me after that incident happened a year ago...

365 days of the moment I've been caught in a bloody red melancholy spiral. A bloody scarlet red melancholy spiral to be exact...

365 days of when the happy things in my life are slowly taking away from me forever...

365 days of the moment I was trapped into a black void that's covered with red threads that I won't escape...A scarlet red threads to be exact...

365 days of trying to fight between those people who put to blame on a wrong person who didn't deserve to be punished. And no matter I tried to tell the real truth to them, they will always turned their backs away from me, stick to the believing the deception and lies and put the blame to the wrong person who doesn't deserve such punishment and hate because their hearts inside were stubborn like stone...

365 days of suffering from a depression after I saw this heart shattering memory that it will probably eating myself alive...

365 days of the moment I clenched my fists while holding a broken shard glass until both of my hands are bleeding and covered with blood because I can't stop remembering this bloody red memory that it kept disrupted me to go forward to the bright future...A bloody scarlet red memory to be exact...

365 days of never ending sayings of "I miss you"s because of waiting for you to come back and return with new music that I was anticipating...But I know that it's getting too long and I was too impatient that I know that I might cry again and remembering those past happy memories of you for too much...

365 days of looking at the stars that reminds me of you...

365 days of watching a field of red roses that it will always reminds me of you...

365 days of looking of those memorabilias of you as my comfort while waiting for you to come back...

And 365 days of watching different kinds of sunsets so I can ease my sorrows and pains, even it will take years to recover myself from this red trauma from a year ago...A scarlet red trauma to be exact...

But most of all...

Those 365 days of remembering of the memories of you until that tragedy happened, will be more memorable to you...Even if it kills me and left an scar that it could never be removed for the rest of my life...

Because...

Even in the next 365 days, I will forever always remember this dream...A dream that it became a lifetime trauma that my life will never ever be the same again...

And that is how I named this lifetime trauma, known as your departure due to the "scandal" that you didn't deserve to be suffered from that tragic fate like this...

And the name is...

Scarlet Dreams

And I'm already traumatized enough...Once and for all.

(Behind this writing is under "Keep Reading")

Today, April 10, 2024...It's been 365 days since Ravi, the member of the Kpop boy group VIXX. And by tomorrow, April 11, 2024, is the 1st Anniversary of Scarlet Dreams.

It's been a year and it's the most painful journey of my entire life that it changed drastically forever.

From missing Ravi every day to fighting between people who put the blame to him...And no matter what I told them to stop believing the lies and read the whole truth, they would rather scoff off and just continue to believe the lies and put the blame to the wrong person who didn't deserve to suffer because their hearts are too stubborn.

And after all that happening after Ravi left VIXX, I slowly don't feel like myself at all. Especially when I don't feel like listening to new Kpop music for A FREAKING YEAR because I was too traumatized after the occurred events that's going to haunt me... Especially the triggering moments that it made me want to leave this place for a while. Plus, it made me slowly that I don't feel like doing a fangirling over Kpop anymore because the Kpop world right now is too much drama and hatred more than ever that I even saw tragic moments also.

And after so much happening in the Kpop world, I decided to discover something and that's how I started listening to Ukrainian music. In the end, it worked and it became my new favorite genre. I've been listening to Ukrainian music for a year now this year so

Plus, I was hyper-focus about those two new comforts: Honkai Star Rail and Love and Deepspace. Honkai Star Rail became a new favorite because of the concept and the RPG game concept is turn based RPG. For Love and Deepspace, which is an otome combined RPG game, is all thanks to watching their gameplays and walkthroughs on YouTube and that's when I fell in love with Xavier, which is my favorite love interest and began to start playing with due to an event of getting a free 5 star lunar card. (But I know that actually...I love all 3 of them.)

And that's how and why I don't feel like keeping new updates about Kpop and doing my Kpop fangirl life for now and give them a break.

Please understand this my very painful decision for the sake of my well being, my physical health, my mental health and my emotional health.

I hope you have a wonderful day and have a Happy 1st Anniversary of Scarlet Dreams.

With Love,

Queennie 🌹

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