#qt.cult.fyo

[theonlyqualitytrash]

Ultima Sacrificium - Fyodor x Reader

Synopsys: The wolf and the lamb, it all comes full circle. Living in a cult was a beautiful lie, woven by those that claimed to love you.

Warnings: Fyodor, no ability au, graphic violence, mental and emotional manipulation, possessive behavior, cult themes and brainwashing, religion, moral ambiguity and ethical dilemmas, death (just lots of it)

A/N: This took two white nights to write I was high for most of it. I took a lot of inspiration from Midsommar and Kindred's lore (league) — thought it fit the relationship dynamic between Fyodor (a wolf in sheep's clothing) and the protagonist (a lamb). Enjoy :)

Word count: 8,800

"Once, long ago, there was a pale man with dark hair who lived in a world much like ours. But the pale man was terribly lonely. Why was he lonely? Well, you see, all things must meet this man one day, and so they feared him. They shunned him. They whispered his name with trembling voices and hid behind locked doors, hoping he might forget them. The pale man was patient, for he knew that time would bring all things to him eventually. Still, he wished for company, for understanding, for love. But how could he ever find such things when everyone turned away from him?" 

"The pale man grew tired of his solitude, so one day, he took up his axe and made a choice. With one swift swing, he split himself in two, right down the middle. From his pale form, two figures emerged. One half became a lamb, soft and gentle, with warm eyes and a voice like a lullaby. The lamb would comfort those who came to the pale man, wrapping them in its embrace, whispering sweet assurances: 'Do not fear, for I will make your passing gentle.' The lamb brought peace and stillness, a quiet that felt like a soft bed on a cold night." 

"The other half became a wolf, fierce and watchful, with sharp teeth and piercing eyes. The wolf would guard those who came to the pale man, protecting them from fear, doubt, and anything that might harm them in their final moments. 'Do not fear,' the wolf growled, 'for I will keep you safe as you walk into the unknown.' The wolf brought strength and courage, a shield to carry into the great beyond. Together, the lamb and the wolf made the pale man less frightening. No longer did the people shun him, for they saw in him not an end, but a promise. A promise that their journey would be gentle and strong, warm and brave, all at once." 

"Now, the pale man is never lonely. All things come to him in time, and when they do, they do not turn away. They open their arms to the lamb and the wolf, knowing that both will guide them to their destiny." 

Children are the fruit of society, and children were taught to see the world through stories like these. Some grew to be rotten, while others became little lambs—gentle, obedient, perfect for the herd. It was what society hoped for, and as a child, you were no different. Your parents told you bedtime tales of faith and sacrifice, and you learned that life in your community was a blessing. You had food and shelter. You were loved. You were taught to be kind and giving. These were virtues, they said, and to give back was the greatest blessing of all.

But as you grew older, the ways of giving back began to unsettle you. Were they truly necessary? Must they be so cruel? So violent? The gods demanded it—or so you were told. Your parents would never lie to you. The Shepherd would never lead you astray. He was chosen by the gods, blessed with their wisdom and charged with guiding you all. Surely, he only wanted what was best for you, for the community.

Yet, the thoughts prevailed, whispering doubts that you dared not voice. It must be your fault, you decided. Everyone else was content, even joyful. If you could not share in their faith, then something was wrong with you. These thoughts were dangerous, blasphemous, and you tried to bury them. But they had already taken root.

Your reflection was broken by the splash of something warm against your skin and applause that rippled through the crowd. Your senses snapped into focus, and you saw where you stood: the red square. Such a lovely place most days of the year, yet on days like today, bearing grim weights of tradition.

Before you lay a woman’s body, her head severed and resting at the base of a stone table. The table was stained with layers of sacrifice: black, brown, and the fresh crimson of her blood. Her hair, once long and red, was cut in two—strands still clinging to her head, framing her lifeless eyes, and another resting softly against her back, swaying in the breeze.

It was Gift Giving Day.

On paper, the celebration was a joyful offering of thanks to the gods for protection, for fertile harvests, for mercy from disasters. In truth, it demanded a human life, and  however you looked at it, you could not find peace in it.

The Shepherd’s voice boomed across the square, smooth and commanding. "My dear children, my fleecelings… another good harvest is upon us! We thank the gods for welcoming Karolina into their kingdom and for keeping us safe…”

You forced yourself to listen, masking your unease with a polite smile. He was a good man, wasn’t he? He stayed among the people, with the guidance of selflessness your mother so often spoke of. He loved your mother when they were all younger, but he took on the mantle of leadership because his people needed him, allowing your mother to be given to another. Yet was that ever truly a thought of your own? Or had it been drummed into you since you had gained a sense to understand it?

When you’re branded as part of the flock from childhood, perhaps it’s easier to believe the brand is part of you as an adult.

"... As for next year's gift," the Shepherd went on to say, "I plead with the ewes and wetherlings to come forth for the choosing!"

You stepped forward alongside others your age, the motion automatic, your breaths shallow. A part of you yearned to be chosen, to end the cycle of watching others die year after year. But fate was neither kind nor cruel—merely indifferent.

"Fyodor! My dear boy, come forth!"

The same fate fell, by a flick of an eye, on a dark haired and paled skinned boy. Fyodor had always seemed distant, as though he existed in a world apart, he rarely spoke, his expression unreadable, his eyes unfocused. His frail body could barely wield an axe, unlike the other boys. Yet now, a faint smile graced his lips as he stepped forward to accept the flower crown from the Shepherd.

You clapped along with the crowd, your forced smile hiding the churn of emotions in your chest. You hadn’t spoken much with Fyodor, but you didn’t want him—or anyone—to meet this fate. Yet the community’s expectations weighed heavy, and you were one person, too insignificant, to defy them.

Bath time—a sacred ritual in your home. It was a communal act where you sat shoulder to shoulder in the steaming water, exchanging quiet words with your neighbors and washing one another. It was meant to cultivate unity and cohesion, a sense of belonging. No one felt shame; the sight of everyone bare before each other was considered a blessing, a return to innocence as God had intended. It symbolized the absolution of the first sin—disobedience—and the renunciation of shame and knowledge of good and evil.

The bathhouse was vast, its walls lined with mosaics of the pale man, the lamb, and the wolf. Light poured through the domed glass ceiling, fracturing into kaleidoscopic patterns on the marble floors and casting the room in a serene glow. It was a cocoon of peace, but you found no solace in it. You sat in the water, apart from the muted hum of conversation around you, their words blurred together, echoing faintly, as your thoughts churned. Someone else would soon be sacrificed. Fyodor. How much weaker would his fasting leave him? How frail would his already frail body turn? The questions weighed heavy on your mind.

You cupped your hands, splashing the salted water onto your face in an effort to shake yourself loose from your thoughts. The warmth of the bath should have soothed you, but instead, it only managed to heighten the restless ache in your chest.

“(Y/N)…” A voice, quiet and almost gentle, pulled you out of your reverie. The gentle ripples in the water announced his approach before his words did. You didn’t need to turn to know who it was. Slowly, you glanced over your shoulder to meet sharp, dark eyes—Fyodor’s eyes. There was something magnetic about him, an allure that transcended his frail appearance. Perhaps it was his intellect, the spark of something greater that placed him at the forefront of the Gift Giving list. He could have been a leader, you thought, had he not been chosen to die so young.

“May I help with your back?” he asked, his voice soft but steady.

You nodded, a quiet hum of approval escaping your lips. It wasn’t unheard of for people to help one another wash, but it should have been the other way around. Fyodor, as the sacred fleece, was the one meant to be tended to, venerated. People would clamor for the chance to serve him, yet here he was, offering to serve you. The gesture struck you as strange, even kind. Perhaps you had misjudged him. Maybe he didn’t dislike you, as you’d once thought. Maybe you were simply two people who had never truly known one another.

His hand settled lightly on your shoulder, steadying you as he began brushing your back. His touch was soft, almost hesitant, yet firm enough to create a sharp contrast with the roughness of the bristles. The juxtaposition brought you back to your thoughts, unbidden questions rising to the surface. Why was he doing this? Why you? You were just another lamb in the flock, no more significant than the others waiting their turn for slaughter. Did anyone matter in the grand scheme of things?

“You flinched today,” Fyodor murmured, his voice cutting through the quiet. “During the prayer.”

He was right. When the axe fell, you’d instinctively closed your eyes, to shut yourself from the scene. You hadn’t realized anyone had noticed it. The memory brought a flush of heat to your cheeks, and the oppressive warmth of the bath made it hard to breathe.

“I didn’t mean to,” you whispered, shame creeping into your voice. “It’s just… it felt wrong. Celebrating this.” The words were out before you could stop them. Panic flared—what if he took this to the Shepherd or the Judge?

“Then you’re not as blind as the rest of them,” he said, his tone gentle, almost coaxing. His focus seemed more on his task than on your confession, but his words seemed to be more substantial, as if he held you in place. Your throat tightened, you could not vomit nor gulp down your words. “Do you really believe this is what the gods want?” Fyodor continued, his voice barely more than a whisper. “That spilling blood will make the crops grow, or keep the storms at bay?”

“It’s what we’ve been taught,” you replied, your voice trembling. “It’s what… everyone believes.” You wanted to defend your words, but they rang hollow even to your own ears.

“That may be what they believe,” he murmured, leaning closer, his hair brushed against your shoulder, his breath ghosting against the skin of your neck. “But not you. You see the sickness in this system, don’t you? You’ve felt it all your life but were too afraid to name it. Did you notice the storm last year, after the sacrifice? The gods didn’t seem pleased, did they?” He pulled back slightly, resuming his gentle strokes with the brush. His words were heresy, yet in his tone lay no fidgets, no show of discomfiture; quiet, almost serene.

You stared at the rippling water, your fingers now wrinkled and pruned. “I’ve noticed… things,” you admitted, the words soft, hesitant.

Fyodor hummed low in his throat, the sound more content than accusatory. “Good,” he said simply. His words wrapped around you like the steam rising from the bath, invasive yet oddly comforting. To the others in the room, it was nothing more than a simple act of communal care. But for Fyodor, it was something far more deliberate.

His gaze flickered briefly toward the Shepherd, visible through the mosaic-glass walls, speaking with a small cluster of elders. Fyodor leaned closer, his breath ghosting over your shoulder once more. “He watches you sometimes,” Fyodor murmured, his tone thoughtful, the words slipping into your mind like a dagger “I wonder why. It’s as if he’s searching for something.” You blinked, startled by the observation. Had you noticed? Maybe. There had been moments, fleeting and strange, when his gaze seemed heavier than it should have been. But no—no, it couldn’t mean anything. You didn't reply and tried to dismiss it—tried to bury the unease rising in your chest. His words, like everything else he said, felt both dangerous and true. 

The last sentences words lingered, like a noose in the air, as Fyodor quietly tended to your back.

It is tradition for the sacred fleece to be adored for the year. The chosen family is granted elevated status, moved to a new living space overseen by the Sheppard and Judge. Being selected as an offering is considered the highest honor, and the community celebrates it with fervor, but Fyodor saw it differently. He recognized long ago the sacrifice’s true purpose:  It kept the population docile and loyal because of fear and conditioning.

My taciturn had tipped them off, he thought bitterly. Perhaps if I seemed more brain-washed, then they wouldn’t have chosen me.

The selection, he knew, was rarely random. It was political, targeting those who dared to think too freely or challenge the system in subtle, unsettling ways. He despised their hypocrisy—the cunning way they cloaked control in the guise of divine will, using fear of the gods to tighten their grip over the community. But perhaps it was the only way to keep people from turning away. 

As for you, the thought of the sacrifice made your skin crawl. Your hair stood on end every time it was discussed, and your chest settled in a place of deep discomfort. But you never voiced your doubts. The community seemed so content, so pios. Surely, it was you who was wrong. Surely, you needed to be reformed.

Days turned into weeks as you found yourself looking at Fyodor differently. Something lingered in your mind—an ache, almost a longing. You remembered the way he spoke that day in the bathhouse, his words sounding like echoes that refused to fade. He understood something about you, about the restlessness you couldn’t name. Soon, though, he would be gone, sacrificed in a few months’ time. He was the only one who had ever made you feel less lonely, and now he would be lost, like so many others before him. The loneliness this thought stirred in you was deep and unshakeable.

You couldn’t help but cast lingering glances in his direction, hoping—foolishly, perhaps—that he would catch your eye and say something to you again. But he never did. At the next community feast, the monthly celebration following days of fasting, you stole another sidelong look at him. He was seated with his family at the center table, each of them adorned in flower crowns crafted by you and the others in the village.

Fyodor wore the one you had made, the only one woven with cornflowers. The blue-purple hue complemented his eyes, a detail you had noticed while weaving it. You didn’t realize you were staring until his gaze met yours. His gentle smile, soft and welcoming, sent your heart stuttering. You returned a small, hesitant smile before quickly looking back at your plate.

You didn’t want to think about his death. A year could pass so quickly, slipping through your fingers before you even realized it.

The soft clatter of plates echoed in the grand dining hall was a far cry from the cheerful celebration that had filled it hours ago. The other young women and men hummed and chattered as they worked, their hands moving in a practiced rhythm. You, however, labored in relative silence, a heaven in the monotony of it. Each swipe of the cloth, each stack of plates, served to dull the noise in your head—if only for a moment.

But the reprieve was short-lived.

“You made this one, didn’t you?”

The voice, low and unmistakably familiar, startled you. You whipped around to find Fyodor standing right behind you, holding the wreath of flowers between his slender fingers. The cornflowers stood out against the pale hue of his hands, the same way they had against his dark hair and fair skin earlier.

Your heart quickened. “I—I did,” you stuttered, not quite knowing what to say.

His smile deepened, soft but deliberate. “It’s beautiful. The craftsmanship is… meticulous.” He turned the crown gently in his hands, as if admiring its every petal and weave. “You’ve a gift for creation, I see.”

You felt yet again a suffocating heat rise to your cheeks at his praise, and you quickly looked down at the plates you were drying. “It’s nothing, really. Just something small. Anyone could have done it.”

“But they didn’t,” he countered, his tone smooth and confident. “You did. And it shows.” You bit the inside of your cheek, unsure how to respond. Compliments were not uncommon in the village, but something about the way Fyodor spoke to you felt different—personal, intentional. “May I help?” he asked, gesturing to the plates.

You blinked at him, confused. “You shouldn’t… You’re the sacred fleece. It wouldn’t be proper.”

“Proper,” he repeated, his smile faltering for a moment as his eyes darkened. “I tire of what’s ‘proper.’ Surely it wouldn’t offend the gods for me to lend a hand, would it?”

You hesitated, unsure whether to agree. But he didn’t wait for your answer, stepping closer and picking up a damp cloth. His movements were slow and deliberate, as though testing the boundaries of this small rebellion. The two of you worked in silence for a moment, the air between you charged with an unspoken tension. Finally, he broke it.

“Do you ever wonder,” he began, his voice low enough that only you could hear, “why we fast before we feast? Why we deprive ourselves, only to indulge?”

You glanced at him, taken aback by the question. “It’s… to show devotion. To the gods.”

He hummed thoughtfully, as though weighing his decision by your words. “Devotion,” he repeated. “It’s a curious thing, isn’t it? How easily it can be mistaken for fear.” His words sent a shiver down your spine. You glanced around, suddenly aware of how close he was standing, of how his voice seemed to put you in a trance.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” you said, though the slight tremor in your voice betrayed you, you knew exactly what he was talking about.

He paused, setting down the cloth and turning to face you fully. “Perhaps you do,” he murmured, his gaze piercing. “Or perhaps you will, in time.” For a moment, neither of you said a word. The sounds of the other people cleaning seemed to fade into the background, leaving only the heavy weight of his words hanging in the air between you, pulling you under and drowning you.

“You have a gift,” he said finally, his voice soft but firm. “Not just for making flower crowns or weaving cloth. You see things others don’t. You feel things we’ve been taught to ignore.” You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came. Instead, you found yourself looking into his eyes, searching for some hint of what he meant, of what he saw in you. “I only hope,” he continued, his tone barely less wistful, “that when the time does come, you’ll trust what you see—and trust me.”

Before you could respond, one of the older women called you for help with the larger platters, breaking the moment. Fyodor stepped back, the faintest smile playing on his lips as he bowed his head slightly.

“Good night, (Y/N),” he said, his voice carrying a warmth that lingered even after he turned and walked away.

You stood there for a moment, clutching the cloth in your hands, your mind aflame. His words echoed in your ears, stirring a very strange mix of fear and hope. Trust what you see. Trust me.

For the next few nights, sleep eluded you. Fyodor’s words replayed in your mind over and over again, each phrase eating away all other thoughts. His certainty disturbed you—not because you doubted his sincerity, but because it awoke something within you. The realization was almost too heavy to bear: if you wanted change, you would have to reach for it yourself. But how could you, alone?

When the message came—a whispered request to meet him in the forest clearing—a thrill stirred uneasily in your chest. It wasn’t proper to meet him like this, not when he was supposed to be praying and meditating in solitude as part of his sacred duties. But propriety seemed increasingly irrelevant at this point.

The moonlight bathed the clearing, lending a ghostly glow to the figure who awaited you, it seemed almost surreal. Fyodor stood at the center, his white garments clinging to his frail frame, his flesh paler than usual—proof of the toll fasting had taken. You did not know where his kosovorotka ended and where his skin started. He turned as you approached, a weary soft smile oozed onto his lips.

“You came,” he murmured, his voice carrying a quiet warmth that made the hair on your arms quiver.

You stopped a few feet away, uncertain of how close was too close. “You asked,” you replied softly. “I… couldn’t refuse.”

His smile widened slightly, though his amethyst eyes glinted with something deeper, sharper. “You’ve been restless,” he said, more a statement than a question. “Our last conversation... it’s been weighing on you.”

You hesitated, unsure how much to reveal. “I’ve been… thinking,” you admitted. “About what you said. About… everything.”

“Good,” he said simply, taking a step closer. “That’s the first step—thinking. But thinking alone won’t change anything.”

Your breath hitched. “And what would? What can I do? I’m just one person.”

“So am I,” he countered, his tone firm yet kind. “But together, we’re more.”

You frowned, searching his face for some hint of what he meant. He met your gaze unflinchingly, his eyes piercing through your uncertainty. “I know the way,” he said, his voice low and steady, each word a promise. “Let me show you. And we can cleanse them together.”

His last word echoed in your mind: together. He wanted you to help him. To stand by his side in this unthinkable mission. He wanted to make the community a better place—to rid it of the Gift Giving Day and its sacrifices. It was what you had secretly longed for, what you had thought impossible. Yet hearing it spoken aloud felt like standing on the edge of a precipice.

“Fyodor…” you murmured, your voice barely audible. His gaze held yours, firm, almost devouring. “How… how do you plan to do this? With only the two of us?”

He smiled weakly, as though he’d expected the question. “Trust is a luxury few can afford,” he said. “Especially in this place, under these circumstances. But you—” he paused, studying your face intently, “—you don’t realize it yet, do you? You’re different from the rest of them. You see the cracks in their perfect little world. That’s why I chose you.”

Your heart was racing from his words. "Why me?" you whispered.

His expression softened, and he reached for your hand. Slowly, deliberately, he turned it over, tracing the lines of your palm with a fingertip. The touch was featherlight, yet it sent an electric jolt through you. “This,” he murmured, his voice low and contemplative, “is the hand of someone who wants to save the people.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. He lifted his own hand, pressing his palm to yours, as though comparing them. “We are the same,” he said softly, his voice carrying the weight of conviction. “We want to make a change—for the betterment of our community.”

His fingers laced through yours, and he gave your hand a gentle squeeze. The intimacy of the gesture, the way his eyes searched yours for an answer, left you breathless. “You’re right,” you whispered, barely able to meet his gaze. “We are alike.”

His smile returned, softer this time, but no less determined. “Do you trust me?”

You hesitated, the weight of the moment pushing down on you. But as his words, his presence, filled the silence between you, something inside you shifted. “I trust you, Fyodor,” you finally said, your voice steady though a tempest swirled in your chest.

His smile deepened, and he squeezed your hand again, as though sealing an unspoken pact. “Good,” he said, so plainly.

Winter

Every great plan has steps, though Fyodor felt the need to gradually explain everything, taking one baby step at a time—his words, not yours. The first step was simple, really. He wanted to show the people that the doctrines and preaches of the Sheppard and Judge were nothing but empty words. They were fundamental to this community, to the ‘salvation’ of the people, yet they didn’t walk the path they preached, and certainly, they didn’t know every word by heart—again, Fyodor’s words.

A part of you was still unsure, still clinging to the belief that the larger community was right, and maybe, just maybe, you and Fyodor were the just outsiders. Maybe we are wrong. But every time Fyodor spoke, that doubt felt more and more remote, buried under the weight of his unwavering certainty. “Those are the words they use to control us,” he had said, quietly but with sharpness in his voice. “They preach salvation, but they never walk the path they claim to, do they?” There was something unmistakable in the way he said it, a quiet accusation that seemed to grow louder with each passing day.

You didn’t speak at first, but a part of you—one that had always questioned, always wondered—began to listen. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps the things you’d been taught, the things you’d always believed, weren’t what they seemed. 

Fyodor’s plan was simple, almost too simple. He would subtly distract the Sheppard during the church service, while you sneaked away before the sermon to rip a few pages from the tome the leader was meant to preach from. Disarm him of his words, Fyodor had said. It wouldn’t hurt anyone—not directly. And if Fyodor was wrong, if the Sheppard did indeed know the words in the book by heart, then perhaps you could walk this path of reform together. You could still fix everything. You could undo what had been broken.

The weight of the plan pressed down on your chest as you quietly took the pages from the tome, the paper crinkling beneath your fingers. You slipped them into the pocket your heart racing. The deed was done, and you weren’t quite sure if it was a victory or a betrayal. You felt that familiar pull of doubt claw at your insides, but Fyodor’s steady presence beside was enough to slightly anchor you to the present. We’re doing the right thing, his eyes seemed to say every time they met yours.

When you sat down beside him on the pew, you didn’t even realize how tightly you were pressed against his side. You were still tense, the guilt from what you’d just done gnawing at you, your chest burned — oh how you wish you could burn everything down and not have to bear the weight of your actions. Fyodor didn’t say a word. He merely let you lean into him, his silence an unsaid reassurance. He knew you were ill at ease, but he didn’t push you, never urged you towards speech. The sermon started, and your mind wandered right back to the missing pages, your stomach tight with the knowledge that the Sheppard would notice soon.

As the Sheppard reached the point where the pages should have been, you saw the flicker of panic in his eyes. He faltered for only a second, but it was enough. His smooth composure cracked down like a Prince Rupert's drop, and he tried to cover it up, but you could see it—could see him struggling to maintain control in front of his congregation. Your stomach dropped, the tension in the room thickening.

Fyodor sat beside you, still and calm. You caught in his eye the faintest glint of satisfaction, something darker behind the quiet pride. The faintest hint of triumph danced in his expression, as if this was only the beginning. “See how fragile the illusion was?” His voice was low, barely a whisper “How quickly it falls when you expose their lies.”

You couldn’t help but glance at him, his words ringing in your head. Was it really an illusion? The Sheppard had looked so untouchable—so sure of himself. You had never dared to question his authority, never thought to doubt the very bedrock of your faith. But now, as Fyodor’s gaze met yours, you wondered if maybe—just maybe—the world had been built on nothing more than lies.

Your heart beat loudly in your chest, the weight of what you’d done sinking in. This wasn’t just a small step anymore. You had helped tear down something sacred, something people had built their lives upon. And yet, Fyodor's presence beside you steadied your resolve, as if his belief in this mission was enough to carry you through the uncertainty.

Spring

Vernal came as a season of ephemeral promise of renewal, the fields suddenly bursting with color and air alive with the pulse of warmth. The community prepared for the flower dance, a sacred tradition meant to honor the gods for favors received during in the harsh winter and reaffirm their devotion. The villager folk adorned themselves with garlands of freshly plucked flowers, their laughter echoing in the air as they wove intricate crowns and looped floral chains around their wrists.

You, too, wore a crown—a delicate circle of violets and daisies that your friends had insisted you wear. It felt heavier than it should, its vibrant beauty clashing with the weight of your thoughts. For tonight, Fyodor had chosen the next step in your shared quest. The supply house, a monument to what the leaders took from and doled back out to the people, was to burn under the cover of darkness. But for now, you stood amidst the celebration, caught between the life you knew and the path you had begun to walk with him.

The dancing of flowers began at twilight, when the village square glowed with the light of torches and the Shepherd and Judge took their seats on an raised wooden platform. They watched the revelry unfold with expressions of practiced benevolence, their presence a subtle reminder of the community's rigid structure. The dancers, linked hand in hand, moved in concentric circles, their feet beating a steady rhythm against the ground. The steps were simple yet hypnotic, a weaving of bodies and flowers that seemed to pull the onlookers into its spell.

You joined the outermost circle, your hand clasped tightly in a neighbor’s, but your eyes strayed to Fyodor. He lingered on the edges of the crowd, a wraith in white. Even if he wanted to join he couldn't, the physical strain the dance had on the body was too much for his condition, leaving him lightheaded and prone to fainting. He watched the leaders with barely concealed contempt. But when his gaze met yours, something softened in his expression. He inclined his head slightly, a wordless reminder of the task ahead.

Your feet flared for one short second, breaking the rhythm of the dance for the briefest moment. The woman beside you glanced at you in concern, but you got your footing back, forcing a smile as your heart pounded in your chest. Fyodor’s eyes stayed on you for a second longer before he slipped away into the shadows.

When the dance ended and the villagers started to scatter, Fyodor found you near the edge of the square. He didn’t speak at first, his presence a quiet anchor amidst the revelry. It wasn’t until the distant sound of the Judge’s laughter reached your ears that he finally said, “Do you see how they watch us? How they bask in their power, even as they pretend to celebrate with us?”

You looked toward the platform where the Shepherd and Judge still sat, their eyes sweeping over the dispersing crowd like hawks watching their prey. The unease you had felt all evening finally bubbled to the top, but you nodded. “Yes,” you murmured, your voice barely audible.

Fyodor stepped closer, his voice low and deliberate. “They control everything—what we eat, what we believe, even how we dance. Tonight, we take that control away from them. It’s a small step, but it’s necessary.”

His words wrapped around you like a shroud, silencing the part of you that still hesitated. “But the people…” you began, your voice faltering. “The supplies… won’t they suffer?”

Fyodor’s expression softened, and for a moment, you thought you saw genuine compassion in his eyes. “Yes,” he admitted. “But sometimes, suffering is the only way to wake people from their complacency. They need to see that their leaders cannot protect them, that the gods they worship are powerless to stop what’s coming.”

He reached out, his fingers brushing against yours in a fleeting touch. “Trust me. It is essential...”

As the echoes of laughter and music faded into the night, you slipped away with Fyodor, hearts pounding in tandem with the thrill of what was to come—and the weight of what it meant. The storage cabin loomed ahead, limned by the moonlight on its wooden frame. It seemed almost alive, a sentinel of the community’s lifeblood, and your hesitation felt like a betrayal of its quiet presence. But you pressed on, following Fyodor’s unwavering lead.

Inside, the air was heavy with the scent of dried grass and stored grain. You worked in tense silence, stuffing chaff into corners, cramming the cracks of the small room with anything that would catch quickly. Your hands moved on autopilot, though every movement screamed at you to stop. This would hurt people. Families. Yet each time doubt clawed its way to the surface, you’d glance at Fyodor—his calm, his resolve, his quiet conviction—and something in you would steady, if only for a moment.

When the cabin was filled with enough tinder to guarantee its destruction, Fyodor stepped back, surveying the space with a critical eye. His gaze landed on you, and he lingered, a strange warmth flickering in his expression despite the coldness of the act. He struck a match, the hiss of ignition startling in the silent room.

His eyes met yours, the flame dancing shadows over his keen features. “This is necessary,” he murmured, as much to himself as to you.

He held the match a moment too long, its light trembling between his fingers before he let it drop. The fire caught immediately, spreading with an unnatural greed, and you flinched as the heat licked at your skin. Fyodor didn’t flinch. He grabbed your hand and led you out swiftly, his grip firm but not unkind.

You emerged into the cool night, the smell of smoke chasing after you. By the time the fire fully took, you were standing among your families and neighbors, blending into the crowd as if you had nothing to hide. The cabin was an inferno, flames twisting and writhing against the dark sky. The air was filled with the acrid scent of burning supplies and the muted gasps of your fellow villagers.

You watched the fire burn, your heart heavy and your stomach twisting with guilt. What had you done? How many would go hungry now? Would they blame you—if only they knew—or the gods?

The Shepherd and Judge stood before the crowd, their faces masks of authority as they did their best to placate the people. The Shepherd’s voice rang out, promising reassurance, spinning stories of divine testing and unshaken faith. But his words fell flat. You could see it in the eyes of the villagers—fear, not of the leaders, but of their helplessness. If the Shepherd and Judge couldn’t protect them, if the gods they worshipped demanded so much yet gave so little… what was left for them?

Beside you, Fyodor’s expression remained composed, his features illuminated by the flickering glow of the flames. Yet, as the fire crackled and the crowd’s uneasy murmurs grew, he turned slightly toward you, his voice low, intimate. "This... it couldn’t have happened without you.” His gaze met yours, steady and intent, as if he could see the storm of emotions roiling within you. The faintest trace of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips—not smug, but almost tender. His hand brushed against yours briefly, the touch grounding in its subtlety.

“You were brave,” he murmured, his voice carrying an almost dangerous sincerity. “More than anyone else here. They’re still trapped, still blind. But...—"

"...—We will show them the light" You softly cut him off. He smiled gently, his hand brushed lightly against yours once more—so fleeting it could almost be imagined—yet it stayed you in ways words couldn't.

The crowd began to murmur, uncertainty rolling through them like a restless tide. The Shepherd barked orders to his Judge, but there was a crack in his commanding tone, a tremor that betrayed his fear. He was losing control, and everyone could feel it.

You looked back at the fire, the embers glowing like distant stars, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to believe that this was more than destruction. Perhaps it was the start of something new.

Summer

You had come so far, yet progress felt agonizingly elusive. Each act you and Fyodor committed against the cult chipped away at the illusion of its sanctity, but the larger structure stood resolute. Fyodor’s sacrifice loomed just two weeks away, a date you couldn’t ignore no matter how hard you tried. Every mention of Gift Giving Day wrapped a tight coil of dread around you.

It couldn’t end this way. Not after everything.

Desperation drove you to find Fyodor one sultry summer night. You found him beneath the canopy of an old willow, his slender form outlined by the moonlight. He turned at your approach, his amethyst gaze softening when it met yours. “We’ve done so much,” you murmured, your voice trembling as your fingers twisted the fabric of your garments. “And it’s still not enough. I... I don’t want to see you go.”

Fyodor studied you for a moment, his expression unreadable, before stepping closer. His hands, delicate yet firm, reached for your chin, tilting your face toward him. “It will be okay,” he said, his voice steady but laced with something softer, almost tender. “I’ve prepared something for us. One last step to free everyone. I will not abandon you, dearest.” His thumb stroked your cheek, sending a shiver through you. “You have no idea how precious you are—not just to me, but to this cause. I won’t let anyone, or anything, take that from us.”

His words wrapped around you, both a balm and a tether, as he revealed the final phase of his plan: the elimination of the cult’s leaders. For the betterment of the community: They must fall

You choked on your own saliva, pulling away from him, every inch of your body tense. The suggestion felt like a violation of the very ideals you were fighting for. “Are we not doing the same as them?” you argued, your voice cracking under the weight of your conviction. “Taking a life to suit our own needs?”

Fyodor remained composed and patient, though urgency flickered in his tone. “This is not the same,” he said, his voice measured. “They’ve built their power on the lives of others—on fear, manipulation, and blood. This is a small sacrifice to honor those who’ve suffered and to free those who remain shackled.”

His stayed with you, finding cracks in your resolve over the following days. Memories of last season when the shed burnt down, the suffering of the people, their hunger while the Shepherd and Judge indulged in excess, gnawed at you. The weight of time pressed down, and you couldn’t ignore the urgency. With Fyodor’s sacrifice approaching, you found yourself reluctantly agreeing to the plan.

The Shepherd would be the first.

Fyodor, weakened by fasting, lacked the physical strength to carry out the act himself. He guided your trembling hands to the axe’s handle, his voice low and encouraging. “Do it for them. For their salvation. You’ll see—it’s the only way.”

It was a chilly quiet night. 

The Shepherd’s chambers were dark, thick air with the scent of wine and old parchments. Fyodor stood outside, his figure barely visible through the crack in the door as you stepped inside with the axe concealed behind you. The Shepherd sat slumped in a wooden chair, a half-empty goblet of wine swaying in his hand.

“Ah, child,” he slurred, his gaze fighting to focus on you. “What brings you here at this hour? Troubles of the soul?”

You nodded, your throat dry. “I... I needed to confess something. To speak with you alone.”

He waved his hand lazily, gesturing for you to approach. “Then speak, my child. The Shepherd is always here to guide his flock.”

As you inched closer, the axe hidden behind your back, he rambled on, his words becoming less and less coherent. Then, suddenly, his tone changed. “Do you know,” he began, his voice slurred with wine, “that I’m your true father?”

Your heart went cold, and you nearly let the axe fall from your grasp.

He let out a bitter chuckle and reached for another drink. “Left you with that fool, your mother’s husband. Had no time to raise a child when the gods demanded my service. But I suppose it’s all... come full circle.” Shock seized you where you stood, the metal felt impossibly heavy in your hands as his words echoed in your ears. He was your father? The man whose sermons had shaped your entire life? The very leader whose tyranny you sought to destroy?

He rambled on, his words grew softer until he nodded his head forward, asleep in his chair. The room fell silent except for your ragged breaths. When Fyodor entered, sensing your hesitation, his sharp gaze darted between you and the sleeping Shepherd, and you explained the situation in a whisper. And for the first time ever, you saw something like surprise in his expression, but it hardened quickly into resolve.

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” Fyodor whispered, his voice sharp, sharper than what you are used to hearing from him. His words pierced through the haze of your confusion, his presence a cold, steady force grounding you in the suffocating weight of the moment. “He may have fathered you, but he abandoned that role long ago. He is as valuable to this world as a walking corpse.”

You swallowed hard, your throat dry and aching. “But he—he’s my blood. What if he—”

Fyodor stepped closer to you, his hands hovering just above yours as you clutched the axe. “He has taken everything from you, from us, from them,” he murmured, his voice softening just enough to feel personal. “Do you want to go back to being their lamb, waiting to be slaughtered? Is that the life you choose after everything we’ve done?” He gestured to the sleeping man before you, his voice turned urgent, almost desperate. “This is your moment. Take it.”

Your vision blurred with tears, but his words echoed in your mind, warring with the voice that screamed against this violence. The axe trembled in your hands, its weight unbearable. The man before you, your supposed father, lay slumped in his chair, wholly unaware of the maelstrom raging in your heart. You tightened your grip, breathing shallow and rapid. The room seemed to tilt around you, the seconds crawling into eons while the world narrowed to the rise and fall of his chest and the chilling presence of Fyodor at your side. Slowly, you raised the axe, tears streaking your face.

When you brought it down, the impact reverberated through your entire body, a sickening crack filling the room. You gasped, stumbling back as the Shepherd slumped forward, lifeless. The silence that followed was deafening, your breaths ragged and uneven as you stared at your blood-stained hands. The axe slipped from your grasp, clattering to the floor. You turned to Fyodor, your legs trembling beneath you. “I... I...” Words failed you as sobs overtook your body.

Fyodor stepped forward, his arms encircling you in an embrace that was unexpectedly warm and steady. You buried your face against his chest, shaking uncontrollably. “Shh,” he murmured, his voice softer than you’d ever heard. His hands rubbed soothing circles against your back. “You’ve done so well. It’s over now. It’s over.”

But it wasn’t over. The next morning, they found the Shepherd’s body. You hadn’t even tried to hide it. You didn’t care. All you could think about was the blood on your hands and the look on his face before you swung the axe. The Shepherd’s death sent shockwaves through the community. Whispers spread like wildfire, murmurs of unease weaving through the congregation. The Judge, desperate to maintain his grip, moved Gift Giving Day closer, hoping to reassert control. But the cracks were already visible. The people’s faith in their leaders, once unshakable, had begun to unravel.

As the day of the ritual arrived, the air was thick with tension. Fyodor knelt in the red square, his frame frail from fasting but his presence unyielding. The Judge stood behind him, addressing the crowd with fervor that bordered on hysteria. His voice thundered over the square, but there was a desperation in his tone, a fragility beneath the surface.

You stood hidden among the throng, the weight of the axe once again heavy in your hands. Every step forward felt like wading through quicksand. Your mind raced, the memory of the Shepherd’s death haunting you with every heartbeat. The crowd swayed, their heads bowed in solemn reverence as the Judge raised his arms, calling for unity and sacrifice.

This was it.

Your breath hitched as you stepped out of the shadows, weaving through the congregation. Nobody noticed you at first, your movements swallowed by the sheer number of bodies. The closer you came, the louder the Judge’s voice grew, his words grating against your ears. Finally, you stood behind him, so close you could hear the strain in his breathing. Your fingers tightened around the axe, your pulse roaring in your ears. The world seemed to hold its breath as you raised the weapon, the weight of the moment bearing down on you.

With a swift motion, you brought the axe down, lodging it into the back of his neck. The sound of steel meeting flesh was sickening, a visceral, wet crunch that silenced the square. Blood sprayed in a gruesome arc as the Judge lurched forward, collapsing onto the stone table. His body twitched once, then stilled, his voice silenced forever. The crowd erupted in chaos, gasps and cries rippling through the congregation. For a moment, you stood frozen, the bloodied axe still clutched in your hands, your heart pounding so hard you thought it might break free through your ribcage.

Then, Fyodor rose.

Despite his weakened frame, he exuded an aura of quiet authority, his voice cutting through the panic like a blade. “The gods have spoken,” he declared, his tone calm yet commanding. “The leaders were corrupt. Their reign is over.” The crowd fell silent, their fear and confusion turning to awe as Fyodor stepped forward. His gaze swept over the congregation, landing briefly on you before returning to the people. He extended a hand, beckoning for you to stand beside him. “We have seen the truth” he continued, his voice rich with conviction. “And together, we shall guide you to the promised salvation.”

The people’s eyes pierced into your very soul, their expressions a mix of hope and uncertainty. Fyodor took your hand in his, the gesture both possessive and protective, grounding you yet again in the storm of emotions swirling inside you.

The air was heavy with the scent of incense and the faint metallic tang of blood, the detritus of the chaos that had led to this moment. The congregation outside still whispered Fyodor’s name with a mix of awe and fear, their voices carried by the wind into the quiet chamber. The room was dim, lit only by the flickering glow of a solitary candle, its light casting a long shadow across the newly ordained leaders of the flock.

You sat on the edge of a plain wooden bench, the ceremonial white garment draped over your frame feeling heavier than any armor. Its pristine folds were a cruel irony against the weight of your sins. Fyodor stood before you, his dark attire stark against the pale hues of your robes. The intricate wolf motif embroidered into his cloak seemed to ripple with life in the wavering candlelight, a predator looming over its prey.

He stepped closer, the movement slow and deliberate. His pale hand reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face with a gentleness that felt both comforting and unnerving. His eyes, sharp and unyielding, softened for a moment as he looked down at you. “You’ve been my strength through this,” he murmured, his voice as smooth as silk yet edged with something darker. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

You leaned into his touch, seeking peace in the familiarity of his presence despite the emotions roiling inside you. His lips brushed your forehead, the gesture lingering—an offering of comfort, yet unmistakably possessive. It was as if he claimed you in that kiss, silently binding you to him in a way that words never could.

As his arms encircled you, a shard of the Pale Man’s tale drifted to the surface of his mind. The wolf protects the lamb not out of kindness, but because he cannot bear to let anyone else devour her. Fyodor’s thoughts mirrored that very sentiment as he held you close, his expression almost content. To him, you were no mere lamb to be devoured by others; you were his lamb, precious and irreplaceable. The world could burn, the gods themselves could fall silent, but he would not let you go.

You closed your eyes, resting your head against his chest. The beat of his heart was steady, grounding, but it did little to soothe the ache within your own. You had survived, yes. Together, you had dismantled the foundations of this twisted faith. Yet, as Fyodor stood poised to guide the cult into a new era, the sin staining your hands felt like it would never wash away.

When the murmurs of the crowd grew louder, Fyodor pulled away, his hand lingering on your shoulder. “It’s time,” he said, his voice commanding yet calm. He turned to his right, with that inky mantle billowing out behind him as he moved to address your people. You followed, your white garments out of place on the dark path before you. The symbolism was unmistakable: the wolf and the lamb, stepping out as one. As Fyodor ascended the steps of the altar, his gaze swept over the gathered flock. “The gods have chosen us,” he declared, his voice cutting through the air like a blade. “Together, we will lead you to salvation.”

The people bowed their heads, their faith in their new leaders palpable despite the lingering unease in the air. You stood beside him, the vision of purity and sacrifice, your presence cementing the narrative he wove so expertly. As Fyodor raised his hands to the sky, the crowd chanted his and your name. You couldn’t help but glance at him, his sharp features illuminated by the flickering torchlight. Despite everything, a small, bitter smile tugged at the corner of your lips.

Finally, the wolf and the lamb had found their place at last. But at what cost?

Credit for difivers: saradika-graphics

[theonlyqualitytrash]

Creatura innocentiae - Fyodor x Reader

PART I PART II PART III

Synopsys: In a secluded village ruled by devotion, where sacrifice is a form of love and faith demands blood, you are forced to choose between Scylla and Charybdis.

Warnings: No ability au, cult themes, religion, manipulation, murder, death, graphic violence and depiction of blood, dehumanization, power imbalance in relationships, emotional and physical abuse, self-harm, gaslighting, brainwashing, philosophical musings on love, faith, and autonomy.

These themes will be present throughout all parts of this fic. Please read with caution and take care of your mental well-being. If any of these themes are distressing to you, proceed carefully or consider skipping this fic.

A/N: The people have asked, and so here it is—another story featuring cult Fyodor! (Note: This is not a continuation of Ultima Sacrificium). This will be a multiple-part series, an undertaking that has me shaking in my boots. I hope you enjoy the ride as much as I enjoy writing it!

Word Count: 7,000

What is love, exactly?  

Is it the absence of fear—the willingness to be vulnerable? To let yourself be known, to be accepted, and in turn, to know and accept another? Or is it something darker: a devouring hunger, the need to consume until the lines between you blur and dissolve?  

Perhaps love is neither of these. Perhaps love is sacrifice.  

That is what you’ve been taught. That is what you’ve always known.  

Love is the red that stains your hands, the warmth that spills from you into the chalice, filling it until it overflows. Love is the smile of the priestess as she raises the cup to the heavens, the murmured prayers of your people as they partake of your offering. It is the ache in your body after each cut, the burning sting that lingers long after the blade is gone.  

You were born with a gift, the blood of apostles coursing through your veins. Your mother tells you this gift sets you apart—makes you holy. Your lineage is pure, unbroken since the time of the first apostle, the one who communed with God and returned with commandments and covenants carved into his flesh. You are the living proof of that covenant, a vessel of divine will.  

Your blood is sacred. Your body, an altar.  

You are also her favorite lamb.  

The priestess—the High Priestess, your mother—says so often. She says it when her hand cups your cheek and her eyes gleam with pride. She says it when she watches you kneel, docile and sweet, always so docile and sweet, before the altar. You hold very still when they put the rope around your neck, your heart calm, your steps obedient. You trot along so happily when they lead you to the place of sacrifice.  

They do not even have to tie you down. You lie so very still.  

When the blade comes down, it cuts through you like butter. You offer no resistance. You bleed so prettily all over the white robe that marks your holiness. When the crimson pours from you, it is beautiful, they say. It runs smooth and golden, like delicious honey. 

God herself whispers to the High Priestess that you are her favorite lamb. You are the lamb with the softest wool, the lamb with the sweetest eyes, the lamb with the most trusting gait. Your cries are the prettiest, your bell the shiniest. When the blade cuts, your blood flows clean, your flesh opens like a ribbon unwinding, like shining yarn spinning out onto the altar, sacred and infinite.  

And your eyes—your animal, dumb eyes—hold no accusation.  

This is why they love you. This is why they call you blessed. You are the lamb who gives everything and asks for nothing. You do not fight, you do not bite. You do not make them see the burden they place on you.  

You are God’s gift, her favorite. That is why they love you.  

It is another lovely morning. The village has gathered in the grand wooden church to welcome a new life into the fold. The High Priestess, rests her hand on your shoulder as she recites from the tome, her voice soft yet commanding. Your thoughts drift, not to her words but to the bundle of innocence on the altar.  

The child’s arrival is a reminder of the cycle: birth, sacrifice, and servitude. The blood that flows through you—the divine gift passed down from generation to generation—will now mark another soul. Another child to be bound to the community. Another life to be claimed by God.  

Your father stands at the edge of the ceremony, as he always does. His gaze is downcast, his presence barely noticeable beside your mother’s radiance. He is a quiet man, small and obedient, a shadow of the High Priestess’s power. You often wonder what your father might have been like before your mother. What parts of himself he sacrificed to remain in her orbit.  

You kneel before the child, the robe you wear heavy with the weight of your purpose. Though you are an adult, the sheltered life you have lived has left you unformed in ways you cannot explain. Your days are dictated by rituals, by prayers and offerings, by the endless cycle of giving. You have never left the village. You have never known a moment where your body was not watched, your steps not dictated by the expectations of others.  

Your mother calls you divine. You feel more like an artifact—precious but inanimate, bound to the will of those who hold you.  

Her hands, as always, are warm as they guide you.  

You hold out your hand, trembling slightly. The baby’s forehead is smooth, untouched by the world, unmarked by sacrifice. Your blood, drawn from your palm, pools into the small silver chalice. The room is silent but for the murmurs of anticipation. Every gaze is fixed upon you.  

The blade, your constant companion, is an extension of your soul. It cuts so effortlessly—an offering so pure, so sacred. You dip your fingers into the chalice, the blood still warm, and trace the child’s forehead with the mark of the divine.  

The seal that binds this child to the community. The mark that ties them to you and the God you both serve.  

“In the name of our God,” you intone, your voice steady, though your heart wavers. “I bless thee with the blood of divinity. May you give as freely as she does, and may your soul be as pure.”  

The crowd bows their heads in reverence. The baby is returned to its mother, who smiles with quiet joy. You watch, still kneeling, your fingers stained red with the blood that defines you.  

This is love, isn’t it?  

To give everything of yourself until there is nothing left. To be adored not for who you are, but for what you provide.  

But somewhere, in the deepest part of you, a quiet voice whispers: If love is sacrifice, why?

Why does it feel so much like theft?

The sun dips low on the horizon, painting the valley in hues of molten gold and soft pink. The flames crackle in the rustic heart of the community, surrounded by dirt paths and timber homes adorned with garlands of wildflowers. Chants ripple through the gathered crowd, a haunting melody that rises and falls like a breath.  

As you walk among them, hands reach out, brushing against your robes, grazing your fingertips. You keep your eyes cast low, always aware of the weight of their touch. They call you their savior, their precious lamb. They murmur soft praises, their voices as reverent as the prayers they whisper to the heavens. You smile at them all, meek and kind, because that is what they expect of you.  

Because that is what you are.  

But you are not part of their revelry—not truly. You are both above it and apart from it. Too sacred for the mundane, yet too ensnared to escape.  

They came, as they always do, led by one of the cult’s missionaries—strangers seeking sanctuary, redemption, or something they cannot name. A group of four approaches the square, their steps hesitant yet guided by curiosity. Among them, one figure stands out.  

Unlike his companions, who wear expressions of tentative hope or awe, this man moves with unsettling calm. His dark coat sways with each step, and his pale hands rest idly at his sides. His gaze, sharp as razor, sweeps over the scene, lingering on the faces of the villagers who rush forward to greet them. Children dart past him, their laughter ringing as they offer garlands of wildflowers. Women follow, balancing baskets of bread on their hips, their blessings a cascade of honeyed words.  

The villagers’ warmth finds little purchase in him. He bows his head briefly but does not take the offered garland. The refusal isn’t rude—it is deliberate, as though he already knows the weight of the rituals and chooses not to sully them with empty gestures.  

You watch from the edge of the square, though you hadn’t intended to join the crowd. Your role as the sacrificial vessel makes you a fixture in the community, both revered and burdened, and yet his gaze finds you as if drawn by some invisible force.  

When your eyes meet, the world narrows. His are a shade of purple you cannot place—endless, like a winter river, a color that doesn’t belong in the warmth of the valley. A quiet stirring blooms in your chest, like the first pang of a wound, and you quickly look away.  

The High Priestess emerges from the crowd, her presence as commanding and warm as the rising sun. The villagers part instinctively, their heads bowing as she passes. Her voice, kind yet unyielding, carries through the square.  

“Welcome,” she says, her smile practiced and serene. “You have come far to join us. We are honored to receive you.”  

The missionary steps forward, clasping his hands together in reverence. “Mother Maria, these are the seekers I found beyond the valley. They have come to learn the truth, to find purpose in our fold.”

The High Priestess studies the group, her sharp eyes pausing on each face until they land on the pale man. Her smile does not falter, but the air around her sharpens.  

“And you?” she asks, her voice soft but probing. “What brings you to our sacred land?”  

He steps forward, his movements unhurried. Bowing slightly, he clasps his hands behind his back. “I am drawn by the promise of truth,” he says, his voice low and smooth, each word carefully picked out. “All my life, I have sought it, and I believe I will find it here.”  

His companions shift uncomfortably, their nervous energy a stark contrast to his poise. The High Priestess’s smile thins, almost imperceptibly, before she nods. “Truth is indeed what we offer. But truth requires sacrifice. Will you accept what it asks of you?”  

“Gladly,” he replies, his gaze steady.  

The High Priestess holds his gaze for a moment longer, then turns to the villagers. “Prepare the cleansing waters. Our new friends must be purified before they join us at the feast.”  

And so you now stand beside the High Priestess at the stone basin where the sacred spring pools cool and clear. Your hands holding the sacred bowl of anointing oil. Its scent was sharp and metallic, mingled with the faint iron tang of the single drop of your blood that had been mixed into it.

“Before you may break bread with us,” the High Priestess intones, her voice soft yet resolute, “you must set aside the burdens of your past lives. This water will cleanse your path, and this oil will mark the first step toward truth.” 

A trembling woman steps forward first, kneeling before the basin. The High Priestess murmurs a blessing as she dips her fingers into the bowl, anointing the woman’s forehead with a streak of oil. She guides the woman’s hands into the water, watching as her expression shifts from fear to quiet reverence.  

When it is his turn, the pale man steps forward without hesitation. He kneels, his posture straight, his head slightly bowed. The High Priestess reaches for the bowl, but her fingers still as she looks at him. For a fleeting moment, tension crackles between them, unspoken but palpable.  

Then, slowly, she dips her fingers into the oil and presses them to his forehead. The warmth lingers, and he closes his eyes as though in prayer.  

“You carry no fear,” she remarks softly.  

“Fear is a choice,” he replies, opening his eyes. His tone is calm, yet there is a subtle edge to his words—a challenge, quiet but deliberate.

Her expression remains unchanged, though her eyes narrow slightly. She motions for him to wash his hands, and as he does, his gaze flicks to you. You feel the weight of it, sharp and unrelenting.

But you do not look away this time.  

Under the open sky after the cleansing, long tables groan with the weight of food: roasted meats, fresh fruits and steaming bread. The villagers—families, children, elders—gather in celebration, their voices mingling with the hum of the torches and the soft rustle of the night wind. The scent of wine and cooking meat fills the air, thick and intoxicating.  

The feast spills into the courtyard, a sprawling affair where life and ritual intertwine seamlessly. Plates are passed with laughter, cups brimming with wine are raised in toasts, and bowls of fruit are shared between children with sticky hands and shining eyes. Beneath the surface of the revelry lies the unspoken truth: this is a celebration of service, of sacrifice, of taking joy in what has been offered.  

You are not seated among them, not truly part of this gathering. You are both guest of honor and object of worship, and even in celebration, your place remains apart.  

At one of the tables near the edge of the festivities, he sits. His presence is understated but magnetic, drawing your attention again and again. He does not eat much, nor does he join in the villagers’ laughter. Instead, he watches in serene silence, a shadow of a smile on his lips. 

His dark eyes sweep over the crowd, taking in the scene with a quiet intensity that makes your chest tighten. He sees everything—the reverence in their glances toward you, the careful choreography of a community bound by something unseen. His companions sit with him, their discomfort gradually giving way to nervous smiles as the warmth of the celebration softens their edges. But he does not soften. He remains apart, like you, even when surrounded.  

You notice the way he holds himself: isolated but not uncomfortable. Detached but not cold. He moves little, as though every moment of stillness is a choice.  

When his gaze finds yours once more, it is as though the air between you thickens. For a moment, the world around you blurs. The laughter, the clinking of goblets, the soft rustling of the wind—all fade into a distant hum.  

There is only him.  

His dark eyes seem to hold something you cannot place, something unsettling and sharp—a knowing, a deep, calculating curiosity that makes you feel as though you are being seen for the first time. Your breath catches as his lips curl into the faintest of smiles. The expression isn’t warm. It is quieter, sharper, almost as if he carries a secret meant for you alone.  

You cannot look away.  

The moment stretches until your chest tightens with the strain of it, and you force yourself to turn your gaze to the food in front of you. Your heart pounds in a rhythm you cannot explain. You wonder if anyone else noticed the way he looked at you, or if it is something only you could see.  

You feel his gaze again, even when he is not looking at you. It lingers, a rope stretched taut between you both, one that will not break.  

The feast continues. The villagers laugh, their joy spilling into the cool night air. Yet, though you are surrounded by celebration, you cannot stop thinking of him. You catch glimpses of him between the faces at the long table. The others shift and laugh and drink deeply, but he remains steady, his movements as precise and deliberate as his words had been.  

You wonder, if he sees you for what you truly are. Not the lamb, the holy offering, but something else. Something unknown.  

The thought makes your stomach twist in a way you don’t understand.  

Days pass, as they always do.  

The sun had long since set, leaving the valley cloaked in shadow. The High Priestess’s home stood at the heart of the village, a structure of wood and stone adorned with intricate symbols of devotion into its walls. It was a place where warmth was performative, where every smile and gesture carried a double promise.  

Inside, the flickering fire cast long shadows across the main room, its golden light unable to dispel the chill of tension that lingered in the air. You stood beside your father, your hands clasped in front of you, waiting.  

It was tradition: a private supper between your family and the newcomers, an act of hospitality meant to welcome them. But you knew better. Hospitality was a veil, a courtesy offered with sharp teeth behind it. This supper was a test—a subtle but ruthless scrutiny that no one could escape.  

Your father adjusted the goblets on the table for the third time, his nervous fingers trembling slightly. “Are they nervous, you think?” he asked softly, not meeting your gaze.  

“They should be,” your mother said from across the room, her voice sharp yet measured. She stood near the fire, her white robes glowing in the shifting light. “Truth demands reverence. Only those who understand this will remain.”  

Your father nodded quickly—too quickly—and you felt a pang of something close to pity. He never challenged her, never pushed back. You wondered if she even noticed how much weight he carried to keep her world in order, how his silence shaped the foundation of her power. His submission was a lesson you were never allowed to forget.

Your eyes drifted to the table, to the goblets your father had lined so meticulously. You thought of how often he moved in silence, his presence fading into the edges of her authority. His hands trembled not from age, but from the strain of servitude.  

The first of the newcomers entered, hesitant and uncertain, their shoulders hunched under the weight of the High Priestess’s gaze. One by one, every night, they came and went, each leaving with lowered eyes and nervous smiles. You remained mostly quiet, watching as your mother’s words—soft and smiling—peeled back their defenses with careful precision.  

Your father, dutiful as ever, poured wine into their goblets, his trembling hands careful not to spill. You watched him with a tightening in your chest, the tension in the room coiling like a spring.  

And then it was his turn.  

When Fyodor entered, the room seemed to shift. His movements were fluid, as though he had already rehearsed this moment in his mind. His dark coat was gone, replaced by the white robe of a supplicant, but the simplicity of the garment only emphasized the sharp angles of his face, the cool, precise energy that surrounded him.  

His gaze swept the room, lingering on the fire, the worn table, and finally on you. His eyes paused, and there it was again, that unsettling feeling from the way he watched you—not with the reverence you were used to, but something sharper. As though he saw through the layers of expectation draped over you.  

“Welcome,” your mother said, her tone light but pointed. “You honor us by joining us this evening.”  

He inclined his head, his hands clasped behind his back. “The honor is mine, High Priestess.”  

He took his seat at the table, and your father poured his ceremonial wine, the trembling of his hands spilling a single drop onto the polished wood. Fyodor accepted the goblet with a quiet thank you, his eyes flicking briefly to you before returning to your mother.  

“We have found that those who come to us seeking truth often carry burdens from the world outside,” your mother began, her words smooth and rehearsed. “What burdens do you carry, Fyodor?”  

He sipped the wine slowly, his movements deliberate. “We all carry burdens, no? Mine are no greater than those of any man who seeks meaning.”  

“And yet,” she pressed, leaning forward ever so slightly, “You seem unshaken. Most who come to us are eager to shed their burdens, to kneel before the divine. But you... you carry yourself differently.”  

He met her gaze evenly, his expression unreadable. “I hold the belief that I kneel in my own way.”  

The fire cracked softly, filling the silence that followed.  

Your mother’s lips tightened, though her composure did not break. She leaned back, her eyes narrowing slightly. And then, as if testing both of you at once, she turned to you.  

“What do you think of our guest, my child?”  

The question caught you off guard. Your pulse quickened as you glanced at Fyodor, his sharp gaze already on you. His expression betrayed nothing of what he was thinking in that moment, and that somehow terrified you. 

“I... I think he speaks with conviction,” you said finally, your voice measured. “It is rare.”  

“Conviction is admirable,” your mother said, though her tone had grown colder. She gestured for your father to refill Fyodor’s cup, and he obeyed quickly, his trembling hands spilling a few drops of wine onto the table once more.  

“Careful,” your mother snapped, her voice cutting like a blade. Your father flinched, dabbing at the spill with a cloth.  

Fyodor’s gaze lingered on the interaction, his lips curved into the faintest of smiles, it felt like understanding—something quiet and unspoken passing between him and your father.  

“Your child is observant,” Fyodor said softly, his eyes returning to you. “Rare, indeed.”

“They have been raised to see the truth,” your mother replied sharply, her suspicion deepening. “It is their duty to understand what others cannot.”

He inclined his head slightly, a faint smile brushing his lips. “A remarkable gift, to be so attuned to truth. Few possess the clarity to rise above their own fears and expectations.”

The room fell silent, the words hanging heavy in the air. Your breath hitched as your mother turned back to you, her gaze sharp and searching.

“Have you grown timid, my child?” she asked, her words laced with quiet menace. “You hesitate more often than before.”  

“I... I have been reflecting,” you said finally, your voice small but steady. “On the path you’ve set for me. On how best to serve.”  

Her expression softened slightly, though her gaze remained piercing. “Good. Service requires focus. Distractions lead to ruin.” Her eyes flicked briefly to Fyodor, then back to you. “And you are not easily distracted, are you?”  

“No, mother,” you replied, though your voice lacked conviction.  

Fyodor’s gaze lingered on you, quiet and piercing, before he leaned back slightly in his chair. “The strength of their will reflects well on their upbringing,” he remarked. “Few can maintain such clarity when placed under so much... weight.”

Your mother’s lips curled faintly, though the smile did not reach her eyes. “Weight builds character,” she said curtly. “And clarity comes from discipline.”

“Discipline,” Fyodor murmured, as though weighing the word. His eyes flickered to the fire, the light casting fleeting shadows across his face. “A virtue that molds strength and focus, no doubt. And yet... even the finest melodies are not born from silence alone.”

Your mother’s expression did not falter, though the room felt colder for it. “Only weak voices fear silence,” she said finally, her tone clipped. “The strong will always be heard.”

The words hung in the air like a closing door, shutting out any chance for response. The tension that had built over the evening seemed to settle over you like a shroud, heavy and unyielding, wrapping itself around you with quiet insistence.

By the end of the evening, as Fyodor rose to leave, your mother placed a hand on your shoulder, her grip firm. Her fingers pressed into your skin, a silent command to stay grounded, to remain tethered to her will.  

“Do not stray with him,” she murmured, her voice low and meant only for you. Her words slid between you like a blade, cold and deliberate. “There are paths you cannot walk, no matter how curious you may be. Do not forget your duty.”

Her grip tightened on your shoulder, just enough to make your chest tighten in turn. “Your future has already been secured,” she continued, her tone soft but unyielding. “Do not squander what has been arranged for you with fleeting distractions. You belong where you are needed, my child. Where you are destined.”

Then, her hand eased, and she leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of your head. The gesture was warm, loving, but the weight of it was undeniable. It was not affection, but a mark—a silent claim, binding you to her will. Her lips lingered just long enough for her breath to ghost against your hair. “Remember who you are,” she whispered, the words as much an order as an expression of care.

The weight of her words sank in, unspoken but unmistakable: the engagement. It had loomed in the background of your life like an unfinished prayer, a promise made on your behalf that you had not been given the right to question.

You glanced at Fyodor, who lingered at the doorway, his dark eyes catching yours once more. The air seemed to shift between you, an unspoken tension thrumming just beneath the surface. “Thank you for your hospitality,” he said, his voice smooth and composed, the words polite but aimed at you rather than your mother.

Your mother’s hand remained on your shoulder, her presence a wall between you and the door. “Do not forget your place,” she whispered as Fyodor turned to leave, her voice as sharp as the steel she so often wielded in ceremony.

Her warning echoed long after he was gone, her words a chain you could not yet break.  

The weeks since Fyodor’s arrival had passed like the turning of a slow wheel, the rhythm of village life unchanged but for the murmurs that followed wherever he went. The people had embraced him and his group with a swiftness that was almost unnerving. Children brought him flowers, their giggles rising like birdsong as they placed the blooms in his hands. The elders nodded in satisfaction, their wrinkled faces lighting with approval at his humility during communal tasks. Even the skeptical seemed disarmed by his quiet confidence and sharp wit, his every action a masterstroke of timing and grace.  

Yet, to you, there was something unsettling beneath the surface.  

You watched him carefully. There was a deliberateness to his movements, a precision that felt unnatural. He walked as though every step was part of a dance only he could hear, every word chosen with the precision of an arrow. And yet, despite your unease, there was a pull to him, like the dark waters of the river: cold and dangerous but impossible to resist. The pull lingered, growing stronger each time you saw him, until his presence became a constant undercurrent in your thoughts. 

And you couldn’t help but wonder—what would it feel like to let yourself fall into those dark, unyielding currents? To surrender to the cold pull, knowing there would be no way back?

The sound of the ceremonial bells pulled you from your thoughts, their solemn toll reverberating through the wooden church. The candles that lined the space cast flickering shadows across the gathered congregation, their flames bright against the deepening dusk.

This was a sacred night, one that would truly bind the newcomers to the community, sealing their integration with an oath to serve the divine. 

The group stood in a line before the High Priestess, their white robes glowing in the soft light of the candles, their heads bowed in solemn reverence. Even in their uniformity, Fyodor stood apart, as he always did. His posture was relaxed but not disrespectful, his expression unreadable. He wore the robe as though it were a costume, an adornment that could be shed the moment it no longer served him.  

In your hands is the small bowl of crimson liquid—your blood, drawn hours earlier, thick with divinity mixed with anointing oil. Its sight sends a shiver through the group, though none dare speak. The ceramic was warm against your palms, though it felt heavier than usual tonight.  

Your mother stepped forward, her voice ringing through the church with a practiced authority that silenced the crowd.  

“You stand here as seekers, strangers to the divine. But tonight, you will be bound to our truth, reborn as one with this community. Are you prepared to leave behind what you were?”  

A murmur of assent rippled through the group. Some voices trembled with fear, others spoke with quiet certainty. Fyodor’s voice, low and steady, cut through the air, drawing your attention despite yourself.  

“Step forward,” your mother commanded.  

One by one, the newcomers approached her. She dipped her fingers into the blood, marking their foreheads with the sacred blessing as they bowed their heads in submission. The ritual unfolded as it always did, a solemn repetition of words and gestures. Yet when it was Fyodor’s turn, the moment seemed to stretch.  

He stepped forward with that same deliberate grace, his movements unhurried but precise. His gaze met your mother’s with an intensity that did not falter, the air between them charged with unspoken tension.  

“Kneel,” she commanded.  

He obeyed, lowering himself to the ground with a calm that bordered on defiance. He looked like a man kneeling of his own volition, not one forced to bow.  

Your mother dipped her fingers into the blood, but instead of marking his forehead, she paused. Her gaze turned to you, sharp and expectant. “Come,” she said. “Place your hands upon him. Channel the divine insight.”  

Your breath caught. You had never been asked to do this before. The bowl in your hands seemed to grow heavier, the scent of the oil rising like smoke to suffocate you. Slowly, you stepped forward, setting the bowl down on the altar before kneeling in front of him.  

Your hands trembled as you reached out, resting them lightly on his head. His hair was softer than you expected, but his presence felt sharp, overwhelming. The noise of the congregation—the chants, the crackling of the candles—faded into a dull hum, drowned out by the pounding of your heartbeat.  

You closed your eyes, trying to focus on the divine connection you were meant to channel. Yet all you could feel was him. The steadiness of his breath. The quiet tension coiled in his body. The way his very existence seemed to demand your attention.  

“What do you see?” your mother’s voice cut through the haze, expectant.  

You opened your eyes, startled, and found Fyodor looking up at you. His gaze was piercing, calm yet devastatingly aware. There was no fear in his eyes, no deference. Instead, there was something that stripped you bare—a knowing, as though he could see every thought you had buried deep.  

“I…” The words caught in your throat.  

Then his lips moved, so faintly you almost missed it. A whisper meant only for you:  

“You bleed for them. But will they bleed for you?”  

The words hit like an arrow to the throat, leaving you breathless. Your hands jerked back as though burned, and your heart thundered in your chest.  

Your mother’s gaze bore into you, her eyes narrowing. “What do you see?” she demanded again, her voice growing cold.  

You forced yourself to look away from him, your trembling hands lowering to your lap. “I see… clarity,” you said finally, though your voice wavered. “He carries clarity.”  

Your mother studied you for a moment, her suspicion evident. Then, without a word, she marked his forehead, murmuring the blessing with an edge to her tone. She gestured to the congregation, signaling the second part of the ceremony.  

“The waters of renewal await,” your mother announced, her voice carrying over the crowd. “As children of the divine are first welcomed, so too must our newest seekers be reborn.”  

The group was led toward the river, that snaked just outside the church, its surface shimmering like molten glass in the torchlight. An ancient tree’s roots reached toward the water’s edge, twisting and intertwining with the stones that framed the riverbank. The current hummed softly, carrying the weight of generations past.  

One by one, the newcomers approached the river. Your mother took each by the hand, murmuring blessings before the attendants guided them into the water. They were gently lowered beneath the surface, the current swirling around them, and when they emerged, gasping and glistening in the firelight, the water clung to their skin like a second robe, consecrating their transformation.  

When it was Fyodor’s turn, the moment stretched again. He stepped forward, his movements slow and deliberate, his eyes flicking to yours for the briefest moment before returning to your mother.  

She took his hand, her grip firm, and guided him towards the river’s edge. “This water cleanses,” she intoned. “It washes away the remnants of your former self, the burdens of your past life, leaving you free to serve.”  

The attendants lowered him into the river. For a moment, it felt as though the heavens themselves leaned closer, waiting. The current surged as if tasting him, its pull cold, and the uncanny stillness gripped the air, as if even the wind dared not move. 

When he emerged, his hair plastered to his face, his eyes sharper than ever, he did not gasp as the others had. He rose to his feet with an unshaken calm, water streaming from his robes. His gaze found yours again, and the weight of his whispered words returned, heavier than before.  A fleeting thought filtered through your mind: Would they bleed for me? As I do for them?   

When the ceremony ended, and the congregation erupted into joyous chants, you found yourself unable to join in. Fyodor stood among the others, his expression serene, but when his eyes met yours again across the clearing, it felt as though the ritual had bound something unseen between you both.

The sounds of the crowd became hollow, their jubilation a distant echo. He was all that remained. The air between you filled with an unspoken understanding that you dared not name.

You were skittish, of course, like a cornered animal. And you squirmed—not to escape, but to inch closer, as though his gaze has already avowed you. But what use is there for such a connection, when the end is as inevitable as the tightening snare, already closing around you both.

The announcement of your engagement came as no surprise.  

For months, you had felt it coming: in the quiet tension in your mother’s tone, the way her hand lingered on your shoulder during evening blessings, and the faint but insistent weight in her gaze whenever she spoke to you. It wasn’t love she offered in those moments, but a kind of ownership—a reminder that you were hers to mold, to shape, to offer as she saw fit.  

The ceremonial bells tolled at dawn, their echoes rippling across the valley. You rose without hesitation, the weight of the day already pressing against your chest. Your mother was waiting for you, her hands warm and steady as they guided you to sit before her. 

She began braiding your hair with practiced precision, her fingers gentle as they wove the strands together. The scent of sage and beeswax clung to her robes, a reminder of the sacred rituals that bound you both. 

"You’ve always had such beautiful hair," she murmured, her voice soft, almost wistful. For a moment, her touch lingered, more a mother’s than a priestess’s. "Do you remember when you were little, how you’d fuss when I braided it too tightly?" 

You nodded, though your throat tightened at the memory. "I thought you were punishing me," you replied, a faint, bittersweet smile tugging at your lips. 

She chuckled softly, the sound rare and fleeting. "Never, my child. I only wanted you to look your best." 

Her fingers paused for a fraction of a moment, resting against your temple. "You’ve grown so much," she said quietly, the words carrying a weight she rarely allowed herself to show. Then her hands resumed their work, and when she finished, she placed her hands gently on your shoulders. "There," she said, her voice soft but steady. "You are ready." 

The warmth of her hands lingered as you rose, her gaze following you with something that almost resembled pride. Yet beneath it, you could feel the unspoken weight of expectation, as heavy as the ceremonial robes draped across your shoulders.

You carried that weight with you as you stepped into the grand wooden church, its high vaulted ceilings towering above like the heavens themselves. The air was heavy with the scent of burning herbs—lavender mingling with a faint undertone of sweetgrass. Smoke curled upward, coiling like restless spirits toward the intricate carvings that decorated the beams, each depicting scenes of devotion and sacrifice. Candles lined the altar and walls, their soft, flickering light casting long shadows that seemed to shift with the murmurs of the congregation.

People stood in hushed reverence, their faces illuminated by the golden glow. All eyes were on you and your betrothed—Abel—as you knelt together on the raised dais at the center of the sacred space. 

Abel knelt beside you, his head bowed, his posture straight and unassuming. His robe hung neatly on his frame, its stark simplicity emphasizing his earnestness. He was the ideal partner for someone like you: devout, humble, willing to serve without question. You could see why your mother had chosen him. He was what the village valued—what the cult demanded. 

Yet when you looked at him, you felt nothing but a hollow ache. 

Your mother’s voice carried through the church, steady and commanding. Her words wrapped around the congregation like a net, binding them in shared reverence. 

“May this bond bring harmony, as two threads are woven into a single tapestry. May purpose guide them, and may their lives serve as offerings to the divine.” 

Her gaze swept across the congregation before settling on you. The weight of her presence was palpable, pressing against your chest like a stone. 

“Abel,” she intoned, turning to him. “Do you accept this bond, this sacred duty to serve beside them in devotion and purpose?” 

“I do,” he replied, his voice calm and steady. 

The crowd murmured in approval, a low hum that rolled through the church like distant thunder. 

“And you, my child,” she said, her attention returning to you. Her voice was softer now, but it carried an edge of expectation that left no room for hesitation. “Do you accept this bond, this sacred duty to serve with him in faith and unity?” 

Your hands clenched tightly in your lap, hidden beneath the folds of your robe. Abel’s gaze flicked to you briefly, his expression warm, even reverent. He looked at you as though you were a gift he had been unworthy to receive. 

The thought made your chest tighten. 

“I do,” you said at last. The words tasted foreign in your mouth, like something borrowed. 

The murmurs grew louder now, the congregation’s approval rising like a tide. Your mother lifted her arms, her robes catching the candlelight as she began to recite the vows that would bind you and Abel together. 

“I give you that which is mine to give. I shall serve you in those ways you require, and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.” 

Her voice was steady, deliberate, each word falling like a stone into still water. 

Abel repeated the vow, his voice soft but unwavering. 

“I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning.” 

Your mother’s gaze moved to you. The air seemed to still as she spoke the final words of the vow. 

“I pledge to you the first bite from my meat, and the first drink from my cup. I pledge to you my living and dying, equally in your care, and tell no strangers our grievances.” 

The silence that followed was almost suffocating. 

You repeated the words, your voice steady but hollow. They rolled off your tongue like a prayer you had recited too many times to feel their meaning. Yet each word seemed to settle in your chest like a weight, binding you to Abel, to this life, to this role you had never chosen. 

As your mother raised her hands in blessing, the congregation erupted into murmurs of approval. A collective sigh of satisfaction rippled through the church, their voices carrying into the evening as they began to move toward the feast awaiting them. 

But you remained kneeling on the dais, your hands clenched tightly in your lap. The smoke from the incense stung your eyes, though you weren’t sure if that was the reason they burned. The whisper of movement behind you was so faint you might have missed it, but then his voice followed. 

“Congratulations.” 

You turned your head slightly, just enough to see Fyodor standing at the edge of the dais. His expression was calm, but there was something in his eyes, something that made your breath hitch. His white supplicant robes, so similar to yours, seemed to carry none of their weight. 

“Thank you,” you murmured, though your voice betrayed you. 

His gaze flicked briefly to Abel, who stood a short distance away, speaking with the elders. “He seems... reliable,” Fyodor said, his tone measured, as though he were commenting on a piece of furniture. 

“He is,” you replied, though the words felt bitter on your tongue. 

Fyodor stepped closer, slow and deliberate, the faintest smile playing at his lips. “Do you think he’ll understand you?” 

Your breath caught. Something in his tone—quiet, knowing—stirred a knot of frustration in your chest. “What is that supposed to mean?” you whispered, your voice tight. “You’re always speaking in riddles.” 

“Not riddles. Questions,” he corrected with a soft smile, his voice like a whisper of smoke. “Do you ever ask them yourself?” 

The memory of his whisper at the river returned unbidden. You bleed for them, but will they bleed for you? His words had rooted themselves in your thoughts, growing like weeds in the cracks of your carefully constructed faith. 

“At the river,” you began, your voice faltering. “You said something to me. Why?” 

He tilted his head slightly, his gaze unwavering. “Because it’s the truth. You give them everything—your blood, your life, your love. But what do you receive in return? Do they even know you, beyond what you offer?” 

You swallowed hard, your fingers curling into the fabric of your robes. “That’s not how it works,” you whispered, though your voice quivered. “I’m here to serve. To protect them. That’s my purpose. That’s why they love me.” 

He regarded you for a long moment, his expression almost gentle. “And who protects you?” 

The question lodged itself deep in your chest, and you looked away, unable to meet his gaze any longer. “You don’t understand,” you said quietly. “This is how it’s always been.” 

“Ah,” he murmured, the faint smile returning to his lips. “I can understand the comfort of tradition. A powerful thing, isn’t it?” He straightened, his tone shifting to something lighter but no less piercing. 

You turned back to him, anger and something deeper—something desperate—flaring in your chest. “What do you want from me?” 

His gaze lingered on you, searching, and then he stepped back. “Nothing,” he said softly. “I suppose I’ve overstayed my welcome. Enjoy your new kinship, won’t you?” 

Before you could reply, he turned and disappeared into the crowd, his presence dissolving into the sea of voices and movement. His words remained, echoing in your mind like a bell tolling in the dark. 

Who protects you? 

PART II

Dividers: saradika-graphics

[theonlyqualitytrash]

Creatura innocentiae - Fyodor x Reader

PART I PART II PART III

Synopsys: In a secluded village ruled by devotion, where sacrifice is a form of love and faith demands blood, you are forced to choose between Scylla and Charybdis.

Warnings: No ability au, cult themes, religion, manipulation, murder, death, graphic violence and depiction of blood, dehumanization, power imbalance in relationships, emotional and physical abuse, self-harm, gaslighting, brainwashing, philosophical musings on love, faith, and autonomy.

These themes will be present throughout all parts of this fic. Please read with caution and take care of your mental well-being. If any of these themes are distressing to you, proceed carefully or consider skipping this fic.

A/N: Welcome to the second part of this little story! I've already written a rough draft of the third part, thanks to winter break, which has given me plenty of time to write until my fingers ache and my mind turns to mush. As a fun fact: before Creatura innocentiae, the title of this fic was Nitimur in vetitum, which translates to "We strive for the forbidden."

Word count: 10,000

The next week crept by like molasses, each day heavier than the last. 

Being engaged should have felt like a blessing. You had been told that often enough. But no matter how hard you tried, the feeling eluded you. Abel, on the other hand, wore the engagement like a new skin, radiant with a purpose that seemed to brighten his every step. 

Every morning, he waited for you, his patient smile unwavering as he offered to walk you to the clearing where you prayed. He had taken over bandaging your wounds after ceremonies, his hands clumsy but careful, his brow furrowing with the kind of earnestness that made your chest tighten. He also brought you gifts—wildflowers, a wooden carving of a dove, even a piece of honeycomb—they piled up like the tokens of devotion they were meant to be. 

He was everything they said a husband should be. Gentle. Devoted. Perfect. 

And yet, you almost hated him for it. Or perhaps, you hated yourself. 

The dirt path stretched ahead, quiet but for the crunch of your footsteps. The sky above hung heavy and gray, dulling the world into muted shades of itself. Abel walked beside you, his easy gait a sharp contrast to the hollow weight dragging at your steps. His hands swung loosely at his sides, as though they belonged to a man without a care. 

You didn’t want to be here—not with him. 

“Quite gloomy today, isn’t it?” Abel’s voice broke the quiet, gentle and familiar. He glanced at you, his smile as practiced as the line itself. Then, softer, he added, “Though somehow, you always seem to brighten days like this.” 

You nodded, your gaze fixed on the ground. The words you wanted to say coiled tight in your throat, sharp and unspoken. 

He was trying. That was the worst part. 

Would Abel understand me? 

The question gnawed at you, growing louder with every step. It was his voice that answered—not Abel’s, but Fyodor’s. His voice. His damning words clung to you, weaving through your thoughts: a predator circling its prey. 

“Abel...” you said softly, the sound of his name almost foreign on your lips.  

He perked up immediately, his head turning toward you with that ever-present smile. “Yes?”  

Your heart began to race, a faint tremor coursing through your hands as you struggled to voice what had been gnawing at you. “What do you... like about me?”  

The question felt absurd as soon as it left your lips, yet it hung in the air between you like a weight. You didn’t dare look at him.  

Abel stopped walking.  

You hesitated, realizing he had turned to face you, his expression softened by surprise. “What do I like about you?” he repeated, his tone gentle, as though you had asked him to describe something sacred.  

“Yes,” you said, barely above a whisper.  

His brow furrowed slightly, his smile fading into something quieter, more thoughtful. He shifted his weight, his hands clasping in front of him as he considered your question.  

“Well...” He exhaled softly, and when he spoke again, his voice carried the same warmth he always offered. “I like how kind you are. How selfless. You carry so much for all of us, yet you never complain. You give everything, even when it hurts you.”  

Your hands clenched into fists at your sides. His words landed like stones in your chest, each one heavier than the last.  

“You’re...” He hesitated, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. “You’re radiant. Like the sun breaking through clouds. You remind us of what it means to be good, to have faith.”  

His gaze flicked to yours, shy but earnest. “I admire you,” he added softly, his voice almost trembling. “You make the rest of us want to be better.”  

A bitter laugh rose in your throat, but you swallowed it down, unable to let it escape.  

“Is that it?” you asked instead, your voice trembling with something you couldn’t name.  

Abel’s brow knit in confusion. “What do you mean?”  

You looked at him then, truly looked at him, and the sight of his gentle confusion only sharpened the ache inside you. “You admire me because I bleed for all of you. Because I make it easy to take.”  

His eyes widened, his lips parting in shock. “That’s not—”  

“Isn’t it?” you interrupted, your voice rising, sharp and brittle. The words came unbidden, spilling out. “You like me because I don’t fight. Because I smile and give and never ask for anything in return. That’s what you admire, isn’t it? That I make it easy for you to love me?”  

The silence that followed was deafening. Abel’s hands trembled at his sides, his expression stricken.  

“I...” He faltered, his voice cracking slightly. “I never meant... I just—”  

“You don’t know me,” you said, your voice breaking. “You don’t know anything about me beyond what I give. Do you?”  

He took a step toward you, his hands reaching out as though to steady the space between you. “That’s not fair,” he said quietly, his tone laced with desperation. “I care about you. I’ve always cared about you.”  

You stepped back, shaking your head. “You care about the idea of me. The savior. The lamb. But what if I wasn’t any of that? Would you still—”  

“Stop,” he interrupted, his voice firmer now. “I care about you because you’re strong. Because you carry so much and still find a way to be kind.”  

His words hung in the air, but they felt hollow. Kindness. Strength. Radiance.  

They were the same words you had heard all your life, spoken in reverence and admiration. But they weren’t about you. They were about the role you played, the mask you wore so perfectly.  

Your breath hitched as you turned away, staring at the horizon where the clouds pressed low against the earth. “You don’t understand,” you whispered.  

Abel didn’t press further. He stood there, silent and unsure, as you began walking again, your steps hurried and uneven. He followed at a distance, the tension between you stretching.

The ache in your chest deepened with every step, the memory of Fyodor’s voice echoing louder than ever: You bleed for them. But will they bleed for you?  

For the first time, you began to think you already knew the answer.  

The late afternoon sun slanted through the gaps in the wooden walls, casting long, wavering stripes of light across the floor. Dust particles swirled lazily in the warmth, their slow drift a reminder of the barn’s stillness. The soft sounds of the space were familiar, grounding.  

You had watched Abel and Fyodor disappear inside the barn a little while ago, tasked by the elders to tend to the horses. A routine chore—unremarkable.

They were not made equally, you thought. Abel was very kind, too kind. It was the kind of kindness that made your insides burn, that felt like a performance rather than a truth. The interaction a few days ago had only solidified that suspicion. Abel got complacence, while Fyodor...  

Fyodor got ambition. It was an unsettling kind of ambition, sharp-edged and systematic. You didn’t know what he intended to use it for, but the thought lingered, prickling at the edges of your mind like needles. 

Not wanting to dwell on the two of them, you turned back to your duties, trying to shake the unease.  

Inside, the barn was still and calm, save for the steady rhythm of Fyodor’s hands working, methodical as ever. He brushed down one of the horses, his motions slow, as if the action itself demanded careful precision. His brow remained unfurrowed, his focus unshifting, as though he were a part of the barn itself, fixed and immovable.  

Across the barn, Abel’s voice filled the stillness with a casual stream of conversation, his words light and unguarded—too unguarded. He spoke of the harvest festival, of traditions and preparations, his tone tinged with forced enthusiasm.   

“I think they’ll love it,” Abel said, glancing over his shoulder at Fyodor. “The festival, I mean. It’s their favorite time of year—dancing under the lights, celebrating our comunity’s hard work. I feel lucky, you know? To be the one by their side for it.” 

Fyodor didn’t respond immediately. He didn’t need to. His silence filled the barn like smoke, creeping into all corners until Abel shifted uneasily. 

“And what makes you so sure they love it?” Fyodor asked at last, his tone quiet, almost idle, as if the question were an afterthought. 

Abel chuckled, though the sound carried a slight tremor. “Because it’s simple, I suppose,” he replied, turning his gaze to the window as though the answer might lie somewhere beyond it. “It makes them happy.”   

The rhythm of Fyodor’s brushing didn’t falter, but the air seemed to grow colder, as if his presence had drawn out the warmth. His head tilted slightly, the faintest gesture of consideration, though his gaze remained fixed on the horse.   

“Do they seem happy to you?”   

Abel stilled. His hands paused in their work, his fingers curling reflexively around the armful of hay he was gathering. He turned his head toward Fyodor, confusion shadowing his features. “What?”   

Fyodor straightened, setting the brush aside. He turned, his eyes meeting Abel’s. They were calm, but there was something unrelenting in the sharpness of his gaze. “I asked,” Fyodor said softly, “if they seem happy to you.”   

Abel faltered, his brow furrowing. “I mean... they don’t complain,” he said, his voice carrying a faint defensiveness. “They devoted to their role. That’s what happiness is, isn’t it? Accepting your place?”   

Fyodor’s lips twitched—not quite a smile, but something faint and unsettling, a ghost of amusement. “Devotion isn’t the same as happiness. Compliance isn’t the same as understanding.”   

Abel frowned, his confusion deepening as he turned fully to face Fyodor. “I don’t see the difference,” he said after a long moment, his voice quieter now.   

Fyodor took a single step forward, closing the distance between them. “Of course you don’t,” he said, his tone low, almost kind. “You don’t have to.”   

Abel blinked, his expression faltering further. The cheerfulness that had cloaked him earlier seemed to dissolve, replaced by a flicker of something more vulnerable—a faint crack in the armor of certainty he had always carried.   

“They’re devoted,” Abel said again, though his voice wavered. “They’re strong. They’re... They’re everything we need them to be.”   

“Everything you need them to be,” Fyodor corrected, the faintest edge creeping into his voice. He leaned back slightly, his posture relaxed but his presence unyielding. “But tell me, Abel—what do they need?”   

The question hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. Abel opened his mouth to respond, but no words came. His hands tightened around the bundle of hay, his gaze dropping to the ground. 

Fyodor let the silence stretch, his gaze unwavering as he stepped back toward the horse. “They carry the weight of your love,” he said quietly, his voice almost a murmur. “But love, without understanding, is just another burden, no?”   

Abel’s head snapped up at that, his eyes narrowing. “I do understand them,” he said, though the words sounded hollow even to himself.   

Fyodor tilted his head slightly, his expression softening—not with kindness, but with something closer to pity. “Do you?”   

The question wasn’t sharp. It wasn’t even accusatory. And yet, it cut deeper than anything else Fyodor had said.   

Abel turned back to his task, his movements slower, more hesitant now. The steady rhythm of his work had faltered, becoming uneven as though each action required conscious effort. He didn’t speak again. The air between them grew heavier, oppressive in its stillness—you could have heard a pin drop, but not the whisper of Fyodor’s steps as he moved across the barn. 

Reaching one of the horses, Fyodor untied its reins with quiet precision, dragging the rope across the floor as though absentmindedly. He let it fall into the straw, its coils half-buried and unassuming, before reaching for the feed bucket to distract the horse with its meal. 

His mind drifted again, to that familiar thought.   

You construct intricate rituals to appease deities you came up with to avoid being your own judge.   

He studied Abel’s back, hunched over as he worked, and the words solidified in his mind.   

God can’t hear you beg for forgiveness, and She doesn’t care about the sacrifices you make to prove your repentance. You stand in front of a mirror, begging for someone else to try you for your crimes.   

He stared at Abel, who was so eager to please, so content to remain blind to the walls around him. Abel wasn’t chosen for his understanding—no, he was chosen because he would never question the system. Because he wouldn’t ask the hard questions that would tear the gilded cage apart.   

“Abel.”   

Abel turned toward him, his brow furrowing in confusion, the ever-present warmth in his gaze replaced by something guarded. “Yes?”   

“You truly believe you’re enough for them?” Fyodor asked, taking a step forward. His tone wasn’t mocking; it wasn’t even cruel. It was simply curious, a calm inquiry.   

Abel blinked, clearly caught off guard. “I... I am enough for them!”   

Fyodor tilted his head slightly, his gaze unwavering as though he were studying a puzzle. “Are you?” he murmured, the question barely louder than a breath. 

Abel stiffened, his hands clenching at his sides. “Of course I am. I’ve done everything right—followed every rule, every tradition.” His voice grew firmer. “I care for them. I protect them. Isn’t that enough?” 

Fyodor’s lips curved into the faintest of smiles. “Enough for you, perhaps. But is it enough for them?” 

The barn seemed to close in on them, the air thickening with the weight of unspoken truths. Abel took a step forward, his expression darkening. “They’re happy,” he insisted, though his voice wavered at the edges. 

“You don’t see it, do you? The way they looks at you—not with love, but with duty. The same way one might look at a burden they cannot put down.” 

Abel’s breath hitched, his face tightening as the words hit their mark. His grip on the hay trembled, as though he were fighting the urge to throw it down. “Shut up,” he said quietly, his tone laced with warning. 

Fyodor didn’t flinch, his expression calm, almost pitying. “Do you even know them, Abel? Beyond what they give you? Beyond the mask they wear for all of you?” 

“I said shut up!” Abel’s voice cracked, his hands trembling as he took another step forward. The warmth in his gaze was gone now, replaced by something desperate and raw. 

Fyodor held his ground, his composure unshaken. “If they took off the mask,” he said, each word deliberate, “would you even recognize them?” 

The question hung in the air like a guillotine, and Abel snapped. His fist shot out, catching Fyodor in the chest and driving him back against the stall. The horses stirred, their nervous movements filling the barn with sharp, chaotic sounds. 

“You don’t know anything about them!” Abel shouted, his voice reverberating off the wooden walls. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? But you don’t belong here—you’ll never belong here!” 

Fyodor staggered but recovered quickly, brushing the dust from his robe with infuriating calm. He straightened, his violet eyes meeting Abel’s with a steady, unsettling intensity. “Neither do they,” he said quietly. 

And when those words came down like a blade on his neck, Abel’s fury boiled over, spilling into every clumsy, uncoordinated movement. His hands found the pitchfork leaning against the stall, gripping it as though it might anchor him against the storm inside. His breath came in ragged, uneven bursts, the sound filling the barn.

The horses, restless from the noise and the charged atmosphere, shuffled in their stalls, their hooves striking against the wooden planks with growing urgency. One whinnied sharply, the sound slicing through the oppressive quiet. 

Abel lifted the pitchfork, his knuckles whitening around the handle as if he intended to use it, but the weight of his rage made his movements slow and unsteady. His chest heaved, his eyes wild and unfocused as he turned toward Fyodor, the object of his unraveling anger. 

The untied horse jerked sideways, its powerful body slamming into the stall with a hollow, reverberating thud. The motion sent a cascade of hay spilling onto the floor, and Abel flinched at the impact. His grip on the pitchfork wavered, the handle slipping in his sweaty palms. 

“Stay back!” Abel shouted at the animal, though the command sounded more like a plea. His voice cracked, raw and uneven, as though it might splinter under the weight of his panic. 

The sound of hurried footsteps approached, their rhythm halting just outside the barn’s threshold. Someone had heard the commotion—they paused at the doorway, their shadow stretching across the barn floor, trembling as it mingled with the fractured light. Their eyes darted between Abel’s hunched form and Fyodor’s measured stillness. The air felt too heavy to move through, suffocating in its intensity. 

Fyodor’s violet gaze flicked toward the figure, so quick it was almost imperceptible, before snapping back to Abel. He didn’t acknowledge the witness further, his expression settling into something carefully controlled, slightly startled but otherwise unreadable. 

“Is that how you’ll prove your worth?” Fyodor asked, his voice calm, but now carrying the faintest thread of something softer—fear, or perhaps pity. He took a half-step back, his hands raised slightly, palms outward, as though placating a dangerous animal. “By threatening me?” 

Abel’s grip on the pitchfork tightened, his knuckles trembling. “You don’t understand! You don’t belong here!” he bellowed, his tone cracking under the strain of his rage. 

The horses, restless and panicked, stamped and snorted in their stalls. Abel lifted the pitchfork slightly, as if to strike, but the motion only fed the chaos around him. One of the horses reared, its hooves crashing against the stall. 

But Fyodor didn’t move. He stood as still as the barn walls themselves, his gaze steady, unyielding. The horses, by contrast, were all motion—rearing, kicking, their wild eyes flashing in the fractured light. The largest of them stomped violently, its movements frantic and unpredictable. 

Abel staggered, his foot catching on a length of rope half-buried in the straw. He teetered for a moment, his arms flailing as he fought for balance. The pitchfork clattered to the ground with a dull, jarring sound. 

The horse’s agitation grew, its hooves striking out as it reared again. Abel’s flailing carried him backward, the momentum of his stumble drawing him directly into the horse’s path. 

For a moment, time seemed to slow. The animal thrashed above him, its front hooves coming down hard, directly onto Abel's head with a sickening crack. Then, silence—the kind that could make a man go insane the way it seeped into your bones, raw and unrelenting. The horse pawed at the straw with uneasy, jittery movements, its breath loud and uneven. Each scuffle of its hooves felt like an echo of the chaos that took place, a ghost of the violence that now lay lifeless on the barn floor. 

The oppressive tension lingered, heavy and unshakable, as Fyodor’s gaze shifted to the lifeless form. Abel was now crumpled on the ground, his body folding like a discarded marionette. The pitchfork lay a few feet away, untouched and irrelevant now. 

A scream tore through the barn as the witness finally found their voice. It was raw, piercing, and shattered the suffocating silence like glass. 

Fyodor flinched, a reaction born of necessity. There was no pleasure, no satisfaction in the moment—only an emptiness, as if he had simply carried out a necessary task. The rope had been placed just so, half-buried in the straw, waiting for the inevitable misstep. The horse, its reins had been untethered just enough for it to start galloping around. Abel’s demise hadn’t been a matter of chance—chance was too chaotic. No, it was only a matter of time before Fyodor took advantage of Abel’s rage.  

The scream was a spark, igniting a flurry of footsteps and hurried voices as others rushed toward the barn. The commotion fed on itself, a breeding ground for curious eyes and frantic questions. 

Some pushed inside, drawn by the noise, while others hovered at the edges, hesitant and afraid. A few rushed to Fyodor, their voices trembling as they asked if he was hurt. He played the role of the bewildered innocent, his hands clean, his expression clouded with confusion. 

“I…” he began, his voice soft, trembling just enough to appear genuine. “I don’t know how it came to this.” 

The barn felt smaller with so many bodies crowding its space, their overlapping whispers and gasps weaving into the lingering tension. 

Fyodor’s mind remained clear, though something twisted deep in his chest, an unfamiliar discomfort he couldn’t easily shake. 

The scene was immaculate. The horse’s agitation blended seamlessly with the chaos he had crafted—a tragic accident, nothing more. Fyodor lingered for a moment, staring at the wreckage he had orchestrated. He felt no satisfaction. No triumph. Only the steady weight of grim resolve. 

When the questions grew too insistent, a few of them gently urged him away from the barn, their hands hovering as if to steady him. He let them guide him, his steps measured, his gaze distant, his expression carrying just enough of a dazed quality to appear convincing. Yet, even as he moved, his thoughts were already elsewhere. 

They turned to you—the way your voice had trembled when you spoke of your role, the soft, resigned look in your eyes whenever Abel’s name came up. He almost felt pity for Abel. Almost. 

Abel was part of the cycle—a lamb to be led to slaughter, a cog in a system that would never change. But you—you were different. You didn’t belong to this hollow cycle of devotion and duty. 

And that was why Fyodor wouldn’t let you rot alongside them. 

The news left you reeling. Abel, dead? The words didn’t seem real. You hadn’t loved him—not the way a fiancé should love their betrothed. But your heart, too soft and too big, carried the weight of his loss as though it were your fault. Guilt tangled with disbelief, twisting in your chest. If only you had loved him more, would he have been more careful? The image of the horse flashed in your mind, its startled movements, its strength. Why hadn’t Abel been more cautious? The questions circled endlessly as you stepped into the church, the air pressing down on you like a silent rebuke. 

The apse feels colder without the soft façade your mother usually wears in public. Her practiced kindness is gone, leaving behind the sharp, calculating presence of the High Priestess. You’re not supposed to be here. You hesitate by the doorway, drawn by the tension in the air.  

Fyodor stands before her, calm as ever, his posture betraying no unease. He looks at her with an air of quiet reverence, his composure a sharp contrast to the tension that fills the room like a rising tide.

“Abel is dead,” she says, her voice cutting through the silence, deliberate and sharp, like the crack of a whip.

Fyodor inclines his head slightly, his expression shifting into something akin to concern, though it never quite reaches his eyes. “A tragedy,” he murmurs, his tone measured and solemn. “I was there, High Priestess. Tending to the horses with him, as requested. It all happened so quickly.”

“Quickly,” she repeats, her words laden with disbelief. Her gaze hardens, narrowing in a way that feels like she’s trying to pierce through him. “And yet, here you stand. Unscathed. Untouched.”

His lips part as if in a sigh, but his voice remains steady. “I wish it were not so,” he says softly, his hands folding behind his back, the imagine of obedience. “There were others who saw what happened. Abel was not himself. His anger… it was consuming him.”

Her eyes flash, the subtle narrowing of her brows the only betrayal of her rising fury. “And what of your role in this?” she asks, leaning forward slightly, her presence pressing into him like a blade against his skin. “What did you do to quell this supposed rage?”

“I stepped back,” Fyodor says, his voice a quiet confession, tinged with what sounds like regret. “To keep myself safe. The horses were startled. Abel was… consumed by his emotions. I feared escalation, and yet…” He lets the sentence trail off, as though the memory itself pains him.

Her hands tighten on the edge of the table, knuckles whitening as she leans further forward. “Convenient,” she says, the word dripping with venom. ���How fortunate for you that his anger left little room for blame to fall elsewhere.”

He tilts his head slightly, meeting her gaze without hesitation, his expression serene. “I did only what I could, High Priestess. The others will confirm as much.”

Her lips press into a thin line, her silence growing sharper, heavier. “Do not mistake my silence for ignorance,” she says at last, her voice dropping to a low, dangerous register. “I know what you’ve done.”

For a moment, the faintest flicker of amusement dances in his eyes. It vanishes as quickly as it came, replaced by a carefully composed neutrality. “And I await proof, High Priestess,” he says, his voice unwavering but carrying an edge now, subtle but unmissable. “The truth, after all, always has a way of revealing itself.”

The room feels suffocating all of a sudden. You realize too late that you’ve stepped too far into the doorway, drawn in despite yourself. Her gaze snaps to you with the precision of a hawk catching its prey. “What are you doing here?”

“I—I didn’t mean to interrupt,” you stammer.

Her expression softens slightly, but only enough to mask her irritation. “You have duties to attend to,” she says, her voice firm. “Go.”  

You hesitate, your eyes flicking to Fyodor. He meets your gaze briefly, his violet eyes calm and unbothered, as if none of this concerns him. Something unspoken lingers in his gaze, something you don’t fully understand but can’t look away from.  

“I said go,” your mother repeats, and her voice leaves no room for argument. Reluctantly, you turn and leave, the door closing behind you.  

Her next words are muffled by the thick wooden door, but you can hear the warning in her tone, the anger simmering just beneath the surface. “And stay away from my child,” she says. There’s a pause, heavy and menacing. “You may have charmed the others, but insolence has its limits.”  

Fyodor’s reply is quiet, but there’s an edge of amusement in his tone. “As you wish, High Priestess.”  

You stood just beyond the door, your heart pounding as you strain to hear what comes next. There’s a long silence, followed by your mother’s voice. “Be careful, Fyodor. You walk a fine line.”  

The door creaks open behind you, and you jump back as Fyodor steps out. He closes it softly, his expression calm but unreadable as his eyes meet yours. 

“You shouldn’t eavesdrop,” he says, his voice quiet, carrying a faint trace of humor. 

You flush, clasping your hands in front of you, “I wasn’t—” The words stumble out, unconvincing even to yourself. “I mean... I didn’t mean to.” 

He tilts his head slightly, his gaze sharpening, though his faint smile lingers. “No?” he murmurs, the word soft, almost indulgent. “Then why are you still standing here?” 

“I...” Your voice falters, the weight of his presence bearing down on you. The shame burns in your chest, but it’s tangled with something else—an aching need to know. “I was worried,” you admit quietly. “About what she was saying. About you.” 

His expression shifts subtly, something unspoken flickering behind his composed façade. “And why would you worry about me?” 

The question throws you off balance, and for a moment, you can’t find the words. “She... she doesn’t usually speak like that about anyone,” you manage. “And—” You hesitate, then push forward, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. “Did you have anything to do with Abel’s death?” 

For a moment, there’s silence. Not the calm, expectant silence he so often wields, but something heavier. His violet eyes remain locked on yours, unblinking, as though he’s weighing every possible answer against the consequences it might bring. 

“Do you think I did?” he asks finally, his voice low and steady, yet there’s an edge to it—a challenge hidden beneath the softness. 

Your chest tightens under the weight of his question. “I don’t know,” you admit, the words trembling on your lips. “You always seem to know things—things no one else does. And she sounded so certain, like she has proof.” 

“Proof,” he repeats, almost absently, as if the word itself is a curious puzzle. He looks away, his gaze lingering on the shadows flickering along the church walls. When he speaks again, his tone is quieter, more thoughtful. “Certainty and proof are not the same. Certainty is... convenient. It can mask fear. Or doubt.” 

You search his face, desperate to read the truth in his expression, but his features remain infuriatingly calm. “So it wasn’t you?” 

This time, his hesitation is so slight you almost miss it. But it’s there—an imperceptible pause, a flicker of something in his eyes. “I had nothing to do with Abel’s death,” he says, his voice quiet but firm. “He was... a kind man. His loss is a tragedy.” 

His words soothe something in you, yet they also stir a nagging unease. You want to believe him. You need to. But the shadow of doubt refuses to leave you entirely. 

“I shouldn’t have asked,” you whisper, your hands twisting the fabric of your robe. “It’s not my place.” 

“Questions are not a crime,” he says, his tone softening. “But sometimes, they lead us to answers we aren’t ready for.” 

He steps closer, and you can feel the weight of his presence, the quiet intensity that seems to draw everything toward him. “Your mother is a formidable woman,” he continues, his voice barely above a whisper. “She cares for you deeply. But her care can be... suffocating.” 

You look up at him, startled by the edge of empathy in his tone. “She’s trying to protect me,” you say, though the words feel hollow. 

His faint smile returns, tinged with something almost bitter. “She sees danger everywhere,” he says. “Even where there is none. Her warnings... they’re for your sake, not mine.” 

“What danger?” you press, your voice trembling. “Why would she think you’re a threat?” 

He pauses, his gaze slipping past you as if searching for an answer in the dim light of the church. When he looks back, there’s a shadow in his expression—an emotion you can’t name. “Perhaps because I don’t fit neatly into her world,” he says finally. “People fear what they can’t control.” 

The words settle heavily between you, and you can’t help but wonder if they apply to more than just your mother. “But you’re not a danger,” you say, the statement more a question than you intended. 

His smile deepens, though it’s far from reassuring. “Would it matter if I were?” 

The question takes your breath away, and for a moment, you can’t respond. He steps back, the moment slipping away as quickly as it arrived. 

“I should go,” he says softly. “Your mother would not be happy if she saw us talking.” He steps past you, his presence lingering even as he walks away. You turn to watch him go, your mind can't seem to let go of the subject. 

“Wait,” you say, your voice unsteady. “What does she fear? Is it really you?” 

He hesitates at the door, his hand resting on the worn wood. “She fears many things,” he says, his tone almost gentle. “But most of all, she fears losing you.” 

He glances back at you one last time, his gaze lingering in a way that leaves you frozen in place. “Be careful,” he says, his tone softer now. “Sometimes, it’s better to leave things alone. For your own sake.” 

With that, he’s gone, leaving you alone in the quiet of the church.  

The preparations for the interment felt like a hollow ritual, a series of motions drained of meaning. You were no stranger to death—it was a quiet constant in your duties. Tending to elders who had lived full lives or stillborn children who never had the chance to begin felt like an extension of God’s will, a cycle you could accept.  

But Abel? Abel’s life was brimming with potential, his laughter still echoing faintly in your mind. To see him reduced to this—motionless, silent, stripped of the warmth that had once defined him—felt profoundly wrong, almost cruel. Yet beneath the grief and guilt, another emotion lingered faintly—a weight you could not name lifting from your chest, leaving behind an ache you didn’t dare yet examine. 

The river is calm tonight, its surface reflecting the firelight as if the water itself mourns. Abel’s body lies on a small wooden boat, his head covered by a white veil, his hands crossed over his chest. Flowers are tucked around him—delicate wildflowers from the fields, their petals already wilting under the heat of the torchlight. Gifts surround his body: a carving knife, a jar of honey, and a lock of your hair tied with a red ribbon. 

You stand at the edge of the gathered mourners. The High Priestess holds the ceremonial torch, her expression somber as she recites the prayer of passage. 

“May this fire guide you Abel,” she says, her voice steady, resonant. “May the waters carry you to the eternal embrace of the divine.” 

She hands you the torch, her fingers brushing against yours. You step forward, your legs trembling as you kneel at the riverbank. The crowd watches in reverent silence as you lower the torch, lighting the pyre. The flames catch quickly, crackling and consuming the dried wood and herbs. The fire comes to life, its reflection dancing on the water’s surface. 

Then the boat drifts slowly into the river, carried by the gentle current. You can feel the weight of their gazes on you as the flames climb higher, engulfing everything. The chanting grows louder, filling the night with its haunting melody. You bow your head, but your thoughts are elsewhere. 

Somewhere in the crowd, Fyodor stands apart. His face is unreadable in the flickering light, but you can feel his gaze on you. It’s like a promise, something you can’t sever no matter how hard you try. When you lift your head, your eyes meet his across the riverbank. He doesn’t look away, but you don't either.

The embers of the funeral boat glow faintly on the surface of the dark water, their light flickering like dying stars. You linger by the riverbank, unable to leave, even as the others return to the village. The weight of Abel’s death presses on you like a shroud. You tell yourself it’s the grief of the community—of your mother—but a deeper, more private part of you knows the truth. 

You feel relieved. 

The realization sits heavy in your chest, twisting into a knot of guilt. He’s gone. Abel is gone, and you will never have to kneel at his side, never have to smile through vows that made you feel small, never have to endure his kind, earnest gaze, so full of devotion it almost made you cry.

And yet, the relief doesn’t quiet the sadness. Abel hadn’t deserved this. He’d been kind, gentle, and undeserving of the violence that stole his life. You shiver, clutching your arms as though to hold yourself together. 

The sound of footsteps pulls you from your thoughts, soft against the earth but unmistakable. You don’t need to turn to know it’s him. Fyodor’s presence is unmistakable.

“I thought I might find you here,” he says softly. His voice carries no judgment, only a quiet understanding that feels too sharp against the tumult of your thoughts. 

You don’t respond. You keep your gaze fixed on the water, the last embers of the funeral pyre drifting away on the gentle current. 

For a moment, he says nothing more. He steps closer, his movements unhurried, as though he knows you won’t send him away. He stands beside you, his presence warm despite the chill in the air. “You shouldn’t linger,” he says eventually, his tone as soft as the breeze. “The night is cold.” 

“I know,” you whisper, though you make no move to leave. 

Silence settles between you, broken only by the faint ripple of the water. Fyodor doesn’t press you for words, doesn’t fill the quiet with questions or platitudes. He simply waits, as if he knows you need space to untangle the knot inside you. 

“It’s wrong,” you murmur finally, your voice trembling. “To feel this way.” 

His gaze shifts to you, steady and patient. “What way?” he asks gently. 

You shake your head, unable to meet his eyes. “I shouldn’t feel relieved. I shouldn’t feel...” You falter, the words catching in your throat. “Happy.” 

“Happy?” he repeats, his tone light, as though coaxing the truth from you without force. 

You swallow hard, your chest tightening with shame. “That I’m not marrying him anymore,” you admit quietly. “That I don’t have to...” Your voice trails off, and you squeeze your arms tighter around yourself. “He didn’t deserve this. And I feel guilty for being glad.” 

The words hang in the air, fragile and raw. For a long moment, Fyodor says nothing, and you fear his silence more than anything he could say. But when he finally speaks, his voice is quiet, almost tender. 

“Grief and relief can exist together,” he says. “Feeling one doesn’t erase the other.” 

You glance at him, startled by the gentleness in his tone. His expression is calm, but there’s something in his eyes that you can’t quite name—a depth, a quiet understanding that makes your chest ache. 

“It doesn’t make you cruel,” he continues. “Or unkind. It makes you human.” 

You lower your gaze, tears stinging your eyes. You want to argue, to tell him he’s wrong, but the words won’t come. Instead, you find yourself leaning into his presence, drawn to the strange, steady calm he exudes. 

“I didn’t want this,” you say softly. “I didn’t want him to die.” 

The silence stretches for a moment, soft and heavy, before you find yourself asking the question you’ve been holding back since the funeral.

“How was he?” you whisper, your voice trembling as you force the words out. “When you saw him last... what was he like?” You search Fyodor’s expression, desperate for something to soothe the ache that’s been gnawing at your chest.

Fyodor doesn’t flinch. His answer comes after a brief pause, as though he’s carefully turning over the words in his mind. When he speaks, his voice is calm, steady, yet imbued with a softness that feels almost kind. “He was troubled,” he says, his tone measured, “but he was trying to find peace in his own way.”

Your chest tightens, a bittersweet mix of guilt and relief clawing its way to the surface. “Troubled?” you echo, your voice cracking. “I... I wish I had known. I should have seen it.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Fyodor says, the words quiet but firm. His gaze holds yours, steady and unyielding. “Sometimes, people carry burdens they cannot share. His anger wasn’t about you—it was about the expectations placed on him. Expectations he could no longer bear.”

The weight of his words settles over you, heavy but grounding. Your throat tightens, and the tears you’ve been holding back spill over, unchecked. “I just… I wanted him to be happy,” you whisper. “He deserved that much.”

Fyodor watches you for a moment, before he speaks again. “Happiness isn’t always something we can give to others,” he says softly. “But he knew you cared. In the end, that mattered to him.”

You let out a shaky breath, clutching at the fragile comfort his words offer. “Thank you,” you murmur, your voice hoarse with emotion. “For being there. For trying to help him.”

Fyodor inclines his head slightly, his expression gentle but inscrutable. “It was the least I could do,” he says, his voice carrying a quiet gravity.

His words linger between you, heavy with unspoken meaning. Somewhere beneath the surface, you feel a current of something darker, something you can’t quite name. But you push the thought aside, holding onto the solace he’s given you instead.

And that night, you finally let yourself cry—small, quiet tears that fall into the stillness. Fyodor doesn’t move closer, doesn’t try to touch you. But his presence remains, solid and grounding, as though he knows exactly what you need. 

And as the last embers on the water fade to black, so too does the knot in your chest. It doesn’t disappear completely, but for now, it feels lighter. 

As swiftly as Abel’s passing came, so did the murmurs of his replacement. The inevitability of it clawed at your chest. Who would they choose? The question lingered, heavy and suffocating. You didn’t love anyone in that way—you weren’t sure you even knew how. But it didn’t matter. It never had. Love was a luxury reserved for others, not for you. Your duty to serve and protect stood above such things, an immovable force that demanded everything, leaving nothing for yourself. 

The sacred chamber bared the weight expectation. The candles lining the room burned low, their wax pooling like spilled offerings onto the scarred surface of the circular table at the room’s center. Icons glowed faintly in the flickering light, their intricate patterns seeming to pulse as though alive. 

You sat at your mother’s right hand, your presence as ceremonial as the candles. They had positioned you carefully—not as a participant, but as a reminder. A living symbol of the decision they had gathered to make. 

The council of elders surrounded the table, their robes pooling around them. Their faces were worn and lined with years of devotion, their gazes sharp with the weight of tradition. Their voices, low and murmured, weaved a thread of tension through the room, a quiet hum that settled in your chest. 

At the head of the table, your mother sat straight-backed and composed. Her silver hair caught the light like threads of spun steel, and her white robes were pristine as ever. Though she hadn’t yet spoken, her presence was enough to keep the room in balance, every elder’s words carefully measured, every movement deliberate. 

You remained silent, your hands folded neatly in your lap, your gaze fixed on the candlelight as though it might offer you some form of escape. 

The conversation began predictably, each elder taking their turn to speak with the slow gravity of a ritual. 

“We must consider their future,” one said, his voice rumbling like distant thunder. “The vessel cannot remain unbound.” 

Another nodded, her fingers steepled before her. “It is not just tradition—it is their purpose. Without a partner, their role is incomplete. Unity is required, both for them and for the community.” 

Their words surrounded you like a net, each thread tightening with every passing moment. They spoke of you, about you, but never to you. You were not a person here. You were an offering. 

The discussion turned to Abel’s death. 

“It was a tragedy,” one elder murmured, shaking his head. “He was a promising match. His devotion was unwavering.” 

“But it leaves us with an opportunity,” another interjected. “We can find a match that will strengthen their position further—someone who embodies not just faith, but leadership.” 

The High Priestess remained silent, her sharp gaze sweeping over the elders. Though her expression was serene, you could see the faint tension in her jaw, the slight tightening of her fingers around the edge of the table. 

And then, a new name entered the conversation. 

“What of Fyodor?” 

The murmurs grew louder, the elders turning toward the speaker with surprise and curiosity. 

“He is young, yes,” the elder continued. “In his short time here, he has proven himself. Devout, polite, eager to serve. He carries himself with dignity.” 

Murmurs of agreement rippled through the chamber. 

“He performs every task with care,” another said. “Always thoughtful, always measured.” 

“And the people respect him,” someone added. “The children adore him, and the elders speak of his humility. He has shown the kind of character we need.” 

Your mother’s frown was almost imperceptible, but you saw it. Her fingers tightened on the table’s edge, her composure flickering like a candle in a gust of wind. 

“He is still an outsider,” she said, her voice cutting through the murmurs. “A man we barely know. Devotion takes time to prove.” 

“But his actions speak for him,” one elder countered gently. “Even you must admit he has adjusted seamlessly to our ways.” 

“It is his seamless adjustment that concerns me,” your mother replied, her tone sharp. “No one adapts so quickly without intent. Devotion should be earned, not performed.” 

Her words hung heavy in the air, silencing the murmurs for a moment. 

You sat frozen, your gaze dropping to your lap as their words swirled around you. They spoke of Fyodor with admiration, of Abel with reverence, of you as though you were an extension of the altar itself—a sacred object to be placed, given, assigned. 

You felt your throat tighten as one elder leaned forward, their voice soft but deliberate. “Mother Maria, with all respect, we cannot deny the strength of his character. He has brought stability, even in the face of tragedy. Perhaps he is exactly what they needs—a man who can uphold appearances while serving the divine.” 

Your mother’s gaze darkened, her frown deepening. “Appearances are not enough,” she said sharply. “The vessel must be bound to someone who embodies faith and tradition. Fyodor is neither. He is an outsider, a stranger who has only begun to understand our ways.” 

Another elder shifted in their seat. “And who, then, would you propose?” they asked carefully. “Abel’s passing has left us with few options. The sacred vessel cannot remain unbound.” 

The room grew heavy with silence, the air thick with unspoken tension. 

Finally, your mother spoke again, her voice steady but cold. “There are others. Men whose families have served this community for generations. Men whose loyalty is proven, not assumed.” 

Her gaze swept across the room, her authority pressing down like a weight. “We will not make this decision lightly. And we will not make it tonight.” 

Her words were final, the tone leaving no room for argument. The murmurs faded into uneasy quiet as the elders began to rise, their robes rustling softly as they filed out of the chamber. 

You remained seated, your hands clenched tightly in your lap. The flickering candlelight cast wavering shadows on the walls, but the weight in your chest remained still, solid. 

When the chamber was nearly empty, your mother turned to you, her expression hard but laced with something else—something close to fear. 

“I will not allow this,” she said, her voice low. “You may think him charming, but I see what the others cannot. There is something... unnatural about him.” 

Her hand rested on your cheek, soft almost possessive. “You will be promised,” she continued. “But not to him. Never to him.” 

She rose, her robes sweeping the floor as she left the chamber. The sound of her footsteps faded, leaving you alone in the suffocating quiet. 

You stared at the candlelight, its faint glow reflecting in your eyes. You wondered if she was right to be afraid. 

Days passed, but the elders’ conversation lingered—a quiet echo in the moments you least expected. Would Fyodor be a good match? The question felt like a cruel jest. It didn’t matter, not really—not when your mother had made her feelings about him painfully clear. Her disdain, her insistence that his presence near you was sacrilege, kept him at an arm’s length even now. 

And yet, for all her hatred, Fyodor stood apart from anyone else. Abel was predictable, the others distant, and even you could only see yourself in fragments. But Fyodor? Fyodor saw you whole. 

And what he saw terrified you. 

It wasn’t just that he seemed to know you better than anyone else. Sometimes, it felt like he knew you better than you knew yourself. 

But more frightening than that—the thing you couldn’t admit, not even in the quiet of your mind—was how you reached for him in return. Like forbidden fruit, dangerous and tempting, he pulled you in with a force you couldn’t resist.

The embers of the ceremonial pyre glow faintly against the night sky, casting restless shadows over the clearing. The others have gone, their murmured prayers and reverent footsteps swallowed by the forest. You should have left with them. You should be anywhere but here, but the ceremony lingers in you like a weight you can’t shake off. The sacred blood on your arms feels heavier than it should, its warmth long gone.

You stare into the dying fire, hoping its last flickers will burn away the unease twisting inside you. But it doesn’t. It never does. 

“Still here?” Fyodor’s voice drifts toward you, as though he’s been waiting for the moment you’d be alone. 

His voice slips through the stillness, soft and smooth. You don’t turn. You don’t need to. Fyodor’s presence isn’t loud—it doesn’t crash or demand attention. It seeps into the space like smoke, slow and inevitable. 

“You seem to always find me,” you say, your voice quieter than you intended. 

“I wasn’t looking,” he replies, his tone smooth and unhurried. “It’s just that you’re always where I expect you to be.” 

You glance over your shoulder and find him leaning against one of the great trees that ring the clearing. The white of his robe catches the firelight, making him look ghostly against the shadows. His posture is as it always is—calm, controlled—but his eyes hold something sharper, something that makes your pulse quicken. 

“I needed a moment,” you murmur, turning your gaze back to the fire. 

“To think?” he asks, stepping closer. 

“To breathe.” 

“That is because you give so much,” he says softly, and his words cut through you with an unsettling precision. “But what does it give you in return?” 

You flinch, the truth of his question striking a nerve you didn’t know was exposed. “It’s not about what I get,” you reply, though your voice trembles. “I told you before...It’s my purpose.” 

“And who gave you that purpose?” he presses, his steps slow as he closes the space between you. “Did you choose it? Or was it chosen for you?” 

His words dig into you like thorns, and you pull your arms closer to your chest, as though shielding yourself from the weight of his gaze. “It doesn’t matter,” you say sharply. “It’s what I’m meant to do.” 

“But does it feel that way?” he murmurs, his tone softening in a way that feels more dangerous than his earlier sharpness. 

You look away, your breath hitching as his presence presses against you—not physically, but in a way that feels just as real. You want to step back, to break the pull he seems to have on you, but instead, you find yourself leaning toward him.

“The divinity that was pushed onto you,” he murmurs, his voice dipping lower, almost reverent. “It will stain your fingers and mouth like a pomegranate. It will swallow you whole and spit you out, wine-dark and wanting. And still, you’ll reach for it, again and again.” 

You take a shaky breath, your chest tightening. “Why are you saying this?” 

“Because you deserve to ask the question,” he says simply. “Because no one else will let you.” 

You want to argue, to push him away with words that make sense, but all you can feel is the ache in your chest, the way his presence seems to burrow under your skin. His words are too sharp, too close to truths you’ve tried to ignore, and yet you can’t bring yourself to step back. 

You glance at him, searching for something in his expression—mockery, cruelty, anything that might give you an excuse to dismiss him. But his gaze is steady, unflinching, as though he’s been waiting for this moment. It unsettles you, the way he looks at you. Not with reverence, not with the awe you’re used to, but with something deeper. Something you can’t name. 

“I should go,” you say finally, though the words feel hollow, turning away from him and started walking.

“Should you?” he says, his soft but relentless, stopping you in your tracks, “You are trying to flee from the truth.” 

The weight of his words pulls at something deep inside you, something you’ve tried to bury beneath years of ritual and obedience. Your chest tightens, your heart pounding against your ribs as you search for an answer, but none comes. 

“You let it take everything,” he continues, stepping even closer, “and you ask for nothing in return. Not even its mercy.” 

“Stop,” you whisper, though there’s no force behind the word. 

“Why?” His gaze burns into you, the intensity of it making your skin prickle. “Because you’re afraid of the answer? Or because you already know it?” 

The air feels too thick, too heavy, but you can’t seem to move. You lower your gaze, the words tangling in your throat as your chest tightens. “I don’t... I don’t want to—” 

“To think about it?” he finishes your sentence for you, his voice softer now. “I know.” 

His words hold no malice, no triumph. Instead, there’s something almost tender in the way he says it, as though he sees the storm inside you and knows exactly how to navigate it. It’s too much, and yet you don’t push him away. You tilt your head, giving him the space to press closer. Letting his words sink into your soft skin.  

Fyodor stands close now, his presence steady but overwhelming, like a shadow that refuses to vanish. His words linger in the air between you, carving truths you don’t want to face. 

“So, this is where you are.” 

You stiffen, the sound like a blade slicing through the fragile stillness. Your mother, the High Priestess, steps into the clearing, her purposeful gait as deliberate as the firelight still flickering behind her. Her face is carved from stone, her fury tightly leashed. 

“Mother,” you say softly, turning to face her. 

Her gaze doesn’t land on you. Instead, it pierces Fyodor, her eyes narrowing with a quiet, terrifying intensity. “Fyodor,” she says, her tone dangerously calm. “You have a habit of overstepping your place.” 

He inclines his head, his posture unshaken. “High Priestess,” he greets her, his voice a smooth undercurrent. “I deeply apologize, I wasn’t aware I had stepped beyond the boundaries.” 

She steps closer, her movements slow and deliberate, the weight of her authority filling the clearing. “You are speaking to my child,” she says sharply, motioning toward you with a flick of her hand. “That, in itself, is overstepping.” 

Your mother’s gaze flicks to you then, her expression unreadable but heavy with disappointment. “And you,” she says, her voice quieter now but no less cutting. “Lingering here with him when I warned against it. Have I not taught you better than this?” 

You open your mouth to respond, to explain, but the words die in your throat. “I—” 

“Silence,” she snaps, the single word ringing out like a whip. “You shame me.” 

Her hand moves suddenly, and you flinch, expecting a blow, but instead, her fingers close around your wrist. Her grip is ironclad as she drags you forward, pulling you closer to where Fyodor stands. He watches silently, his expression unreadable, though his eyes follow every movement with unsettling calm. 

“This ends now,” she says, her voice a low growl. “If you cannot respect the boundaries I’ve set, I will remind you of them.” 

Her other hand rises, striking you across the cheek before you have time to process her words. The force of it makes your head snap to the side, your skin stinging as tears spring to your eyes. You bite your lip, refusing to cry out. 

Fyodor shifts, a flicker of something—anger, perhaps—crossing his face, but your mother’s gaze cuts to him before he can speak. “Do you think you’re exempt from consequence?” she says, her tone sharper now, laced with menace. 

“I wouldn’t dare,” he replies, his voice smooth but edged with defiance. 

Her eyes narrow, and she steps closer to him. Though she is smaller in stature, her presence feels overwhelming, like the weight of the heavens pressing down. “Kneel,” she commands, her voice heavy with authority. 

For a moment, you think he won’t obey. The air in the clearing is thick with tension, the space between them crackling like a live wire. But then, slowly, deliberately, he lowers himself to his knees, his posture still calm, still composed, as though he’s granting her a favor rather than submitting to her will. 

Your mother circles him like a predator, her steps slow and deliberate. “You think you’re clever,” she says, her voice venomous. “You think I don’t see what you’re doing, creeping into my flock, whispering your poison.” 

He doesn’t respond, his gaze fixed ahead, but you can feel the weight of his composure, the way it unsettles her. 

She stops in front of him, her hands folding neatly in front of her. “I warned you to stay away from them,” she says. “You chose not to listen.” 

She raises her hand, striking him across the face with the same force she used on you. The sound is sharp in the quiet night, echoing through the clearing. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even blink, as though the blow hadn’t even registered. 

“Your defiance will end,” she says, her voice cold. “Do not mistake my mercy for weakness.” 

Fyodor tilts his head slightly, and though he doesn’t smile, there’s something in his eyes that feels like a challenge. “Of course, High Priestess,” he says softly. “I am yours to punish as you see fit.” 

His words are obedient, but the tone beneath them feels like something else entirely—something darker, something that tightens the knot in your chest. 

Your mother turns to you then, her expression cold. “Look at him,” she commands. “This is what happens to those who forget their place.” 

You lift your gaze reluctantly, your eyes meeting Fyodor’s. There’s no trace of the humiliation your mother intended to inflict, instead, his gaze holds yours steadily, the weight of it grounding you in a way you don’t understand. 

“Do you understand?” your mother demands, her voice breaking the moment. 

“Yes, mother,” you say softly, though your chest feels hollow as you speak. 

She straightens, her authority radiating outward as she looks between the two of you. “This is the last time I will address this,” she says. “Please do not make me do something I will regret.” 

With that, she turns and strides out of the clearing, her long robes sweeping the ground behind her. The silence she leaves behind is deafening. 

You stand frozen, your cheek still stinging from her blow, your chest tight with shame and something else you can’t name. Fyodor rises slowly, brushing the dirt from his knees.

“You didn’t have to kneel,” you whisper, your voice trembling. 

He glances at you, his violet eyes sharp in the faint light. “Didn’t I?” 

His words twist in your chest, but you don’t have the strength to respond. Instead, you look away, the weight of his gaze almost too much to bear. 

“She sees you as her lamb,” he murmurs, his voice quiet but firm. “But even lambs grow restless.” 

You shiver, his words digging deeper than you want them to. Before you can reply, he steps closer, his presence steady but overwhelming. 

“Go,” he says softly, his tone gentler now. “She’ll be watching.” 

For a moment, you hesitate, your body refusing to move. But then you nod and turn, your steps unsteady as you leave the clearing. Behind you, the air feels heavy, as though it will never truly clear. 

That night, you were restless. Sleep didn’t come easily, your mind replaying the scene in the clearing over and over again—the sting of her hand, the weight of her gaze, and the calm defiance in Fyodor’s eyes. You felt raw, stripped bare in a way that made your skin prickle even in the stillness of your room. 

You avoided your father as much as you could. His presence, always so quiet, so small in the shadow of your mother’s, felt unbearable now. When he glanced at you during supper, his eyes gentle and searching, you looked away, unable to meet his gaze. 

He didn’t ask what happened. He never asked. But you knew he could see it in the way you held yourself, in the silence that stretched between you like an unspoken confession. 

And still, he didn’t press. He never did. 

The house was silent, but your thoughts were loud, the echoes of your mother’s fury and Fyodor’s calm threading through your mind until they tangled together, like wire impossible to separate. 

Even as exhaustion weighed on you, you lay awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling the sting of everything you couldn’t say. 

PART III

Dividers: saradika-graphics

[theonlyqualitytrash]

Creatura innocentiae - Fyodor x Reader

PART I PART II PART III

Synopsys: In a secluded village ruled by devotion, where sacrifice is a form of love and faith demands blood, you are forced to choose between Scylla and Charybdis.

Warnings: No ability au, cult themes, religion, manipulation, murder, death, graphic violence and depiction of blood, dehumanization, power imbalance in relationships, emotional and physical abuse, self-harm, gaslighting, brainwashing, philosophical musings on love, faith, and autonomy.

These themes will be present throughout all parts of this fic. Please read with caution and take care of your mental well-being. If any of these themes are distressing to you, proceed carefully or consider skipping this fic.

Word count: 10,000

In the weeks that followed, the praise from the villagers and your parents, once a source of comfort, became a burden that weighed heavily on your chest. Their approval had been your comfort, your reminder of why you were doing this. But now it was only a reminder of your betrayal. You were unworthy of praise. You were selfish. Greedy. And the shame you felt, immeasurable.  

The murmurs that passed between you and Fyodor went unnoticed by your mother, slipping past her vigilant gaze. They were brief, not much more than whispers shared in the church's corners or behind the early rays of the sun. And still, they echoed within your head long after he had left, sounding louder than the prayers you were meant to say.  

You stopped visiting your usual place to pray. The holy sites that once brought you peace now felt suffocating, their silence accusing you of sins you could not deny. You went to him instead—the one individual your mother had told you not to even think about. His presence starkly contrasted with the rituals that governed your life. He did not ask for your obedience or your sacrifice. He just provided his silent, unsettling comprehension.  

The slap your mother had delivered still stung, an open wound of her rage and dominance. Her words had bitten even more sharply than the blow, etching guilt into your breast like a knife. But in spite of the throbbing in your cheek, you welcomed the pain. 

But alas, you required something she couldn't provide—something the community could never provide. You needed to feel more than a lamb, a vessel, a holy thing to be given and consumed. You needed to feel human. Alive.  

And somehow, in his presence, you did.  

He didn’t turn away. He didn’t ask for anything. He simply existed beside you in the stolen moments you shared, as if your burden was not too much for him. It scared you, how much you wanted those moments. How much you wanted him.  

The sun hung low in the sky, a pale golden orb casting its warm rays over the field. The tall grass waves around you, touching your legs as you walk through it. With every step, you are further from the distant drone of the village, from the pressure of responsibility that bears down on you. Here, the air is different—cleaner, freer, as if the world has stopped to allow you to breathe.  

Underneath a giant oak tree, Fyodor sits, waiting. His back is to you, his body at ease, hands supporting his weight behind him. He doesn't turn as you walk up to him; he never does. It's as if he can feel you approaching, the way he always manages to know.  

You sit down next to him in the grass, silent, your actions slow. The grass beneath you trembles with life, dotted here and there with daisies and buttercups. Their pale colors provide a subtle sort of beauty, one that is at odds with the strain that runs just below the surface of this encounter.  

You let the silence sit between you for a while, extending it to the point where it takes on a form. His eyes dart to you, and even though he doesn't say anything, you sense the heaviness of it. You glance at his profile, the soft bob of his dark hair, and your own eyes soften. He looked so delicate. Beautiful.

Your hands seem to move of their own volition, reaching out to his hair. It's soft under your fingertips, the strands sliding through them with ease as you start to braid. Every movement is slow, the simple action centering you in a way that words never would. He doesn't shift or pull back. The wind rustles the branches overhead, the leaves whispering secrets you can't quite hear.  

You pick a tiny flower from the grass and braid it into the strands, your hands cautious, almost sacred.  

"You know," he speaks at last. "You are more than this."  

Your hands stop for a fraction of a second, the flower still clutched between your fingers. You look at him uncertainly before resuming the braid. You know what he's getting at, but you ask anyway, "More than what?"  

His words are gentle. "More than the sacrificial vessel they view you as." There is no judgment in his tone, just a silent intensity. "You're not here to purify them or bear their loads; you're here for more."  

Your heart beats faster, his words weaving through you and taking root in the places you've been trying to neglect. The soft ring of the village bells is carried on the breeze, a far-off whisper of the life that's waiting for you—a life cut out by other hands, mapped out long before you were ready to mold it for yourself. But here, beneath the oak tree, with your hands knotted in the gentleness of his hair, that life seems infinitely distant. Almost nonexistent.

The words linger, heavy. They stir something deep inside you—a want you never knew existed. A want to trust him. A want to feel something for yourself, beyond fulfilling the destinies of others, beyond the limits of what they have deemed you to be. The thought flits just beyond reach, like sunlight slipping through your fingers. You cannot argue with fate. With duty. 

You glance at him, searching—for what, you're not sure. Reassurance? Understanding? His eyes are steady, unwavering, and something in them starts to pull you apart from the inside. A darkness rises—nameless, unfamiliar. Not quite fear, not quite hunger, but a twisting, insatiable thing that tugs at you, daring you to look closer. 

You force your gaze back to his hair, to the flowers still cradled in your hands. The fragile petals tremble under your touch as you weave them into his braid. The motion soothes you. His hair slips through your fingers, each steady movement quieting the storm thrumming beneath your ribs. 

Silence settles between you again, sprawling and vast. You have wished for many things. More than anything, you wish your worth wasn’t tethered to your role. That your mother had accepted Fyodor. That Abel wasn’t dead. But those were thoughts you could bear later, not now, not here in your peaceful escape. For now, it’s just you and him, still beneath the oak, the woods whispering a soft lullaby as you finish the braid. 

“Thank you,” Fyodor murmurs, voice low, quiet, as if speaking any louder might shatter whatever fragile thing lingers between you. The simplicity of the words doesn’t dull their weight. There’s something beneath them—an emotion you can’t quite grasp. “For this,” he adds, his gaze holding yours.

Your breath catches. Your hand stills midair. 

“Do you think it’s possible?” The words slip out before you can stop them, barely more than a whisper. “For me to be seen as more?” 

The moment they leave your lips, you want them back. Too raw. Too exposed. 

Fyodor tilts his head, studying you with an unreadable softness, as though turning your question over in his mind, weighing its shape. When he speaks, his voice is quiet but firm, the gentleness edged with something unyielding. 

“I do,” he says simply, a small, almost nostalgic smile ghosting over his lips. “But only if you let yourself believe it.” 

His words hang between you, unspoken truths coiling in the silence. The leaves above shiver in the wind, their rustling filling the space where neither of you speaks. Your fingers linger on the braid you’ve just finished. For a fleeting second, you allow yourself to dream of something else—of a life untangled from expectation and sacrifice. 

“They’d never allow it,” you murmur, your voice unsteady. “My mother would never allow it. She’d call it a sin.” 

Fyodor’s expression doesn’t change, but something in his eyes sharpens. He exhales, slow, and his smile softens—not in defeat, but with the quiet understanding of someone who has long made peace with impossible things. 

“Perhaps,” he says, almost fondly. “But having something worth living for is a sin far lesser.” 

He leans in, and you freeze as his lips brush just below your ear. The kiss is warm, lingering—a whisper of defiance, a quiet promise. The touch sends a shiver skimming down your spine, and suddenly, you realize you’ve forgotten to breathe. 

“Then so be it,” he murmurs against your skin, the words settling deep. “I would plunge into hell gladly, having held heaven in my arms.” 

His confession presses into you, heavy, inescapable. You feel it curl around your ribs, sinking into your bones. It’s not what you expected. But maybe it’s what you needed. 

The thought of stepping into hell has always been too much. But for the first time, it feels like the only way forward. 

Your gaze drops to the flowers in your lap, fragile and fleeting, yet somehow still reaching for something greater than themselves. The silence between you thickens, the world beyond this moment fading, and you find yourself caught—balanced between fear and the pull of him, undeniable. 

Every year, the sacred festival of the harvest returned. And every year since you could remember, you were the centerpiece.  

At first, it felt like an honor. You were important and needed. Their reverence was their thanks for your sacrifice, praise for making the cops yield, and you basked in it, too young to see the truth beneath their worship. But as you grew, you began to notice the way their eyes lingered, wide with devotion yet blind to the weight they placed upon you. You saw the way your mother ruled—not just with faith, but with careful calculation. You saw everything. And you had no choice but to accept it.  

The festival, despite its grandeur, felt like a small offering to you, a shallow way to acknowledge your sacrifice. A reminder that, in return for your devotion, you were fed, clothed, and cherished. That your family—your entire community—prospered because of what you gave.  

You knelt at the altar, their perfect, untouchable vessel, the hem of your ceremonial cloak pooling around you as the High Priestess began to speak. Her voice was steady, even warm if you didn’t listen. You felt their belief in you as tangibly as the chill in the air.  

You wondered if they would call you selfish for giving them your flesh and blood, yet wanting to keep your bones.  

The blade gleamed faintly, calling your name as it was placed in your hand. Your fingers curled around it with practiced ease. The movement was automatic as you pressed the edge to your arm. The cut was shallow and precise. Crimson welled up, gathering in perfect droplets before spilling into the waiting chalice.  

The murmurs of the crowd rose like a prayer, a low hum of approval and devotion. You didn’t flinch. You never did. For them.  

When the ceremony ended, the High Priestess lifted the chalice to the heavens, offering a final blessing. The villagers bowed their heads, murmuring their amens as the torches flickered in the growing night. You rose slowly, your arm throbbing faintly beneath the bandage that was already being tied around it by an attendant.  

As your blood was spread on the edges of the field, your father approached. His figure was familiar, a steady presence amid the flickering warmth of the torches. But there was something restrained in his movements tonight, a careful deliberation in the way he stepped forward, his hands outstretched—not demanding, not forceful, just… waiting. 

“Let me see,” he said softly, his voice carrying a quiet patience, the kind that made it impossible to refuse. 

You extended your arm, watching as he carefully unwound the bandage. His touch was gentle, yet you didn’t miss the slight tremor in his fingers, the way his grip hesitated for just a second before continuing. The fresh air stung against the wound, but you made no sound, only watching his expression as he examined it in the shifting light. 

“You were strong tonight,” he murmured, his voice laced with something close to admiration. “I’ve spoken to your mother and she was pleased.”  

You nodded, though the words felt insignificant. “She always is.”  

For a moment, he was silent, his hands deftly securing the new bandage. Then, after a pause, his voice took on a different tone—thoughtful, almost hesitant.  

“I remember when I stood where you did,” he said, his gaze fixed on your arm. “Not as the one kneeling, but as the one watching.”  

You blinked. Your father rarely spoke of himself, even more so in relation to the rituals. He was always present, always steadfast in his role, but he never reflected on what that presence meant.  

“You don’t talk about it much,” you said, keeping your voice low.  

“There isn’t much to say.” He spoke as his fingers worked quickly, knotting the bandage with quiet efficiency. “But I remember the first time I watched your mother perform this ritual. I was younger than you. She wasn’t the High Priestess yet, just an acolyte. But she was... unwavering. I remember thinking that faith like hers could move the earth itself.”  

You studied him carefully, searching his expression. “And do you still think that?”  

He exhaled through his nose, not quite a sigh. “I think faith is powerful,” he admitted. “But power is... complicated.”  

“But you love her,” you said, not a question, but a quiet realization.  

He looked at you then, his gaze softer than you expected. “Yes, I do.”  

Your chest tightened. “Even though it wasn’t your choice?”  

His hands stilled for a moment before resuming their work. “Love is rarely about choice,” he said. “At least, not at first.”  

You thought of Abel—of his warm, reverent gaze and the future laid out before you. A future you wouldn’t have to share with him. One where you didn't need to love him. But you knew they would choose another in his place. It was only a matter of time. 

“So it came with time,” you pressed, needing to hear something—anything—that would make your own path easier.  

Your father offered a faint smile, the wrinkles around his eyes more pronounced, though sadness lingered beneath it. It always did. “It came with understanding,” he said. “With years of standing beside her, of learning her strength, her fears, her burdens.” He hesitated. “It came with duty. And duty, in its own way, becomes love.”  

You swallowed hard, your thoughts tangling with his words.  

“Do you ever wonder?” you asked, your voice quieter now. “If you had a choice, would you have chosen differently?” 

For a long moment, he didn’t answer. The festival sounds seemed distant now—the music, the laughter.  

“I don’t know,” he admitted finally. “And perhaps that’s for the best.”  

He gave your arm a final pat, as if sealing the conversation along with the bandage. “Enjoy the festival child,” he said, his voice lighter now, but you heard the weight beneath it. “Tonight is meant to be a celebration for you.”  

He placed a gentle kiss in your hair before he walked away, leaving you with your thoughts, you knew this conversation would stay with you. And you weren’t going to let yourself wake up years from now, bound by duty and telling yourself it had turned into love.  

You had to do something about it. You must do something about it.  

The air hummed with the melody of celebration, a soft, lilting tune played on wooden flutes and delicate stringed instruments. The village square was alive with joy: children darted between the tables, their laughter ringing out like bells, while the elders clustered together, their faces aglow with satisfaction. The villagers, draped in their finest, wore simple but elegant fabrics, embroidered with patterns of wheat and sunbursts—symbols of the life they revered.  

And despite the merriment around you, the festival felt like a cage. It was meant to be a celebration, yes, but to you, it had been a performance. Their eyes—those expectant, reverent eyes—followed you everywhere, a suffocating reminder of what you were meant to embody.  

They smiled as you passed, hands reaching to touch your robes, murmuring blessings under their breath, but the smiles never reached their eyes, and the whispers were too loud, too eager to be heard.  

Tonight was no different.  

Except for him.  

Fyodor stood near one of the tables, dressed like one of them yet so unlike them. His sharp features, the deliberate grace of his movements, the quiet intensity that clung to him—he was a presence, a shadow in the midst of light. The villagers around him laughed louder, gestured more animatedly, as though they too were drawn to his stillness, to the mystery that hovered around him.  

When the music shifted to a haunting melody, the villagers began to gather near the center of the square. This was your cue. Traditionally, this dance would be performed alongside your betrothed. But tonight, you were alone.  

You stepped forward, your movements slow, deliberate, each step measured, as though the very earth beneath your insolent feet was part of the ritual. When was the last time you went to pray instead of meeting Fyodor in the woods? The crowd fell silent, even the children stopped laughing, instead stopping to watch you, their eyes wide with wonder and admiration.

The music cradled you and you closed your eyes, the rhythm carved into your bones, into your heart. You felt the subtle pull of gravity, the soft whisper of wind as you moved. Each turn, each sway, was a memory woven through your very being. With your eyes closed, the world fell away. There was only the music, the murmurs of the flute, and the pulse of your breath.  

The villagers watched, their breaths caught in their throats, the weight of their stares settling over you. And when the final note faded, you opened your eyes, the applause crashing through the square like a wave.   

You could see your mother at the head table, she looked pleased. That was good.  

You also saw Fyodor for a second, but he was swallowed by the crowd soon enough.   

You inclined your head, a gesture of acknowledgment, though the adoration that rippled through the crowd barely touched you. It was not like you deserved it anyway. You retreated into the shadows at the edge of the square, once more a spectator in your own life.  

Your dance gave way to their revelry, their laughter louder now, their movements more carefree. The music swelled again, lighter, more playful. But for a moment, everything seemed to blur, the sound of their joy distant, muffled. You almost felt dizzy.   

And then...  

You found Fyodor standing beside you, his presence pulling at something deep inside you. Something your father’s words had stirred to life, something that had always been there, a whisper of rebellion that had never truly been silenced. You knew, with startling clarity, that you could still choose.  

“You danced beautifully,” he said, his voice soft, intimate—like a secret meant only for you. 

You turned your head, surprised to find him so close. Instinctively, you shifted slightly away, ever mindful of your mother’s disapproval. You were not under the oak anymore; here, you had to act accordingly. His dark eyes remained on the crowd, his expression unreadable. 

"Thank you… but it’s a ritual," you murmured, your voice quieter than intended, as if speaking more to yourself than to him. "I’ve done it every year. It’s nothing special." A quick glance at your mother—her gaze wasn’t on you. Good. 

His eyes flicked sharply to yours. "The villagers would disagree. They looked at you as though you were the one thing that kept the sky from falling."  

A breath escaped you, almost a sigh. "That's the role."  

His lips quirked up into a faint smile, a smile more knowing than kind. "I know. You play it well."  

As the conversation lingered, the music changed again, becoming gentle and slower, calling the villagers to pair up. The moment felt weighty now, a palpable tension threading through the air, as if the very atmosphere held its breath.  

"Will you dance with me?" Fyodor said abruptly, the sound of his voice snipping through the air between you.  

You blinked in surprise. "You don’t dance."  

His smile deepened as a flicker of mischief made its way into his dark eyes. "Not often. For this... I'll manage."  

He offered his palm up in invitation.  

In silence, you considered it for a long moment. The weight of the crowd's gaze upon your back felt almost like a thousand unseen hands pushing you. You glanced back at the center of the square, couples swaying to the music with elegance and practiced ease, and then back again at him. His hand still stayed there, unyielding, still waiting for you as if it had always been meant for you. Perhaps, just once, you could take the consequences, knowing you made a decision in your life, the decision to dance with him.  

With the utmost caution, you let your hand slide into his.  

There was a sudden rising of whispers, like a disturbed hive—soft yet insistent, like a buzzing surrounding you.  

Fyodor led you into the middle of the square, with calmness, slowness, and deliberation. The villagers parted before you, their eyes fixed on you both as if you had become the very pulse of the celebration.  

The dance itself was simple—each raised an arm and met hands to press lightly against one another while moving around. The tempo of the music was slow enough to keep all present eyes staring at you, you felt a tightening in your chest.  

Fyodor's movements were elegant, though slightly rigid, hinting at inexperience, if not a reflection of his fragile physique. Yet, his gaze never wavered. His eyes were steady, bright with concentration, fixed on you alone as though no one else existed in the world.  

"You are trembling," he muttered, low but perceptive.  

Somehow, you'd not noticed it until this moment. But now it was difficult to ignore the distant tremor in your fingers as they pressed against his.  

"It's nothing," you replied quickly, forcing a little smile that felt steadier than you were.  

He arched an eyebrow, the tiniest of smiles nestled on his lips. "Is that what you say to yourself every time?"  

You did not answer but studied your own feet, then the song's steady beat, and the slow, controlled motion of your body as you moved with him and turned, widening the circle with each turn.  

"Forget them," he said sternly, yet keeping his voice low. "Forget their eyes, their whispers, their expectations. For once, just dance."  

For a heartbeat, your steps faltered, then the rhythm enveloped you once again—music disregarding you, guiding you, and urging you on till anything outside the circle of your mutually shared movement ceased to exist.  

For the first time that night, you closed your eyes and let yourself be carried—not by your strength, but by his. There was only the dance, the quiet press of his hand against yours, and his steady pull of his gaze as you turned and turned in measured circles. Only him.  

Just as the music dimmed, applause started swelling through the square: loud now, more intense than before. The villagers' acclaim washed over you like a distant echo from another world. They didn't even know half of the burden you carried, the weight of expectations and unspoken rules pressing down on you.   

You eased away, arms crossed in a futile bid to regain control. Now the whispers climbed, louder, more insistent.  

“It looks like a match.”  

“They smiled at him. Did you see that?”  

“He's perfect for them.”  

A knot in your stomach twisted tighter. You turned towards the high table, where your mother's gaze pierced through the crowd. Her smile was serene as ever, but you knew that she held her goblet in a way that could leave marks. Her eyes were clear, too, staring right at you with that cold, calculating look that made your stomach drop.  

"Are you marrying him now?" 

The crowd chuckled, their whispers swelling like a tide on the verge of swallowing you whole. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears; you wondered if the little girl sitting there could hear it too. Anxiety coiled tight in your chest, making each breath feel like a struggle. You pressed your fingers against your body, grasping for some form of reassurance. Slowly, you turned to your mother again, searching for a flicker of approval. 

But her expression remained unreadable—a carefully worn mask that failed to fully conceal the simmering fury beneath. 

Fyodor lowered himself to the child’s height, his gaze gentle yet firm. "Marriages can’t be decided so easily," he said, his voice carrying a warmth that somehow still held authority. "But I thank you for your blessing, little one." 

The girl beamed, clutching her flowers tighter before scampering back into the crowd.

"They're perfect together." 

"They deserve each other." 

The murmurs shifted, rippling through the villagers like an undercurrent, their admiration for Fyodor ever growing. And with it, so did your isolation. 

Torchlight flickered as night deepened, and the villagers began to disperse. You lingered in the shadows, unwilling to follow. 

Laughter—chilling and excited—faded into the distance, swallowed by the night. The hushed conversations grew faint, words dissolving like embers carried off by the wind. 

And then, silence. 

A dull ache pulsed in your arm beneath a loosened bandage, a quiet, insistent reminder that wounds—both seen and unseen—never truly healed. Your gaze swept over the square, now left to the aftermath of joy: overturned cups, crushed garlands, ribbons fluttering,  forgotten. 

Despite the hush, something heavier remained, pressing against your chest. A presence that silence could never soothe. A visage: your mother—serene, poised, but with eyes cold and unyielding, promising consequences for defiance. 

You stirred, fingertips grazing the fortress around your heart as you glanced down at the bandage, grounding yourself in the reality of your role and what lay ahead. 

"You're bleeding again." 

Fyodor's voice barely broke the quiet, yet it sent a ripple through the air. You turned sharply, your tattered cloak trailing behind, finding him standing close enough for his warmth to brush against you. 

His gaze flickered from your arm to your face, steady yet brooding. "Will you let me help?" 

You hesitated. The answer lay between you like an unkept promise. He made no demands—only waited, because he already knew. The damage had been done; perhaps, just this once, vulnerability was warranted. Perhaps you could allow yourself this moment—because home would offer you nothing of the sort. 

Slowly, you extended your arm. 

His fingers brushed yours, light but firm, as he unwound the fabric. The night air rushed over the wound, the sting sharp against your skin. He didn’t speak, only watched, studying the cut with a quiet intensity that sent a shiver through you. 

Then, without warning, he leaned in. 

Warm lips pressed against your skin, just at the edge of the cut—soft, lingering longer than necessary. A kiss. Or something like one. Or something else entirely. 

Whatever it was, you lacked the strength to question it. Only to accept. 

He met your eyes, and within them, a quiet understanding lay. 

"They take so much from you," he murmured, his voice barely reaching your ears. 

You said nothing. There was nothing to say. The truth needed no argument. 

Calmly, deliberately, he wrapped the bandage back into place. Every movement precise, as though even this—a simple act of care—was its own form of defiance. 

Silence stretched between you, not awkward but heavy with meaning. The kind that required no words. 

"You are afraid." 

Your breath caught. You didn’t deny it. Fear had been creeping closer all night, and now it had finally sunk its claws deep. 

"She'll be waiting," you admitted, voice quiet but certain. "You don’t know my mother. She doesn’t... let things go." 

For a second, his hands stilled. Then he continued, his touch careful. "She wields fear like a weapon," he murmured, each word deliberate. "But weapons can be broken." 

The last of the villagers had gone, leaving the square in a near silence. Only the last torches remained, their light burning low, casting elongated shadows across the deserted space. The wind whispered through the trees, rustling the leaves—a final murmur before settling into the quiet embrace of night. 

Fyodor stepped back, giving you space you hadn’t asked for. He held your gaze, steady and unreadable. “Goodnight,” he said softly, his voice wrapping around you like the night air. “Rest, little lamb. Tomorrow will come soon enough.”  

And with that, he disappeared as silently as he came. You were left alone in the dim light, cradling your arm against your chest, the faint pressure of his touch lingered, a ghost of warmth you couldn’t shake... or perhaps didn’t want to. 

Walking back home was suffocating. The village square emptied save for the barely perceptible sway of the wind and the ebbing scent of trampled flowers. Your mother walked ahead of you. Her silence was palpable, each exact step sharper than words could have been.  

Your father was trailing behind her, quieter still. His gaze was on the ground, his presence like a shadow—there, but not truly present. He'd glance up at you now and then, his eyes burdened with something unreadable. Guilt? Sympathy? Or was it understanding? You wouldn't look at him. You kept yours fixed on the bumpy path ahead, taking each step and, bracing for what was to come.  

With every step, you were getting closer to the house, closer to her, closer to what you knew lay in store.  

Your ribcage tightened as the door creaked open, the heat of the hearthfire seeping out into the chill of the night. The room, though familiar, felt unsettling, its shadows deeper, its corners more stark. The fire crackled softly in the hearth, but the room itself was cold—colder than it should have been.  

Your mother stopped halfway across the room, standing before you with a serenity that was much more terrifying than anger.   

"We need to talk," she said softly, her voice unyielding but threaded with silent steel.  

The air froze around you. You nodded, your throat too tight to reply, your hands clenching on the fabric of your cloak.  

Your father was near the door, his fingers twitching at his sides. He opened his lips, but before he could say anything, your mother broke the tension in a single look.  

"Go to bed dear."  

Her voice was soft, almost kind, but it was unmistakable as a command.  

Your father hesitated, his eyes darting towards you. For a moment, you hoped that he might stay, that he would say something, do something, but then he nodded and disappeared into the back room. The door closed softly behind him, leaving you alone with her.  

Your mother’s eyes flicked back to you, her head cocked to the side, her sharp gaze narrowing to pin yours. "Come here."  

Your legs felt foreign as you took one reluctant step after another, each heavier than the last. You halted a few paces from her, your hands shaking at your sides.  

"You disobeyed me tonight," she started, her tone light, chatty, as if she were inquiring about the weather.  

You swallowed hard, your own voice weak as you fought to answer. "I'm sorry—"  

"Do you know why I was angry?" she interrupted, still in a low voice.  

"Because I danced with him," you managed to whisper, but it came out more like a question.  

She moved closer, her presence menacing, her gaze unyielding. "No, my dear child," she murmured. "Not because you danced. Because you allowed him to touch you."  

Your own breath caught.  

"These hands," she continued, extending to take your own in hers. Her fingers cold, her grasp firm but not unkind. "They belong to the divine. To this congregation. Not to him."  

She turned your hands over, fingers expertly unwinding the bandages—the very same ones he had wrapped up with such care. Her fingers were clinical in their movement, and as the fabric peeled away, her eyes went black. She studied your palms as if they held some sort of filth only she alone could see, her mouth twisting into a disapproving thin line.  

"I saw you," she whispered, eyes glancing back into your own. "Saw the way you looked at him. Do you think I don't see what's going on?"  

Her words were knives, cutting to the quick.  

“He’s pulling you away,” she continued, her voice tightening along with her hands around yours. “Away from your role as their protector, away from your purpose to serve our people. And you, foolish child, are letting him.”   

Her hands slipped away from your own, and then turned from you sharply, her robes billowing down behind her as she walked to the fire. You stood frozen, your heart hammering in your chest as she crouched down.   

Your stomach twisted with dread as she reached for a thick rag, wrapping it around the bail handle of the small iron pot. The wax inside was molten, its surface bubbling faintly, catching the firelight in a way that made it seem alive.   

“Mother, please,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I—”   

“This is not punishment,” she said, interrupting you yet again. Her voice was calm, almost tender. “This is love.”   

She straightened, lifting the pot with careful reverence, as if it were holy, and placed it on the table beside you. “I must cleanse you,” she continued, her voice gentle but resolute. “Restore you to what you ought to be.”   

Then she turned back to you, her expression serene, her eyes ablaze. “Kneel.”   

Your knees buckled before the word fully registered. The splinty wood of the floor rubbed against your skin as you knelt before the hearth, the heat of the fire burning against your face.  

“Hold out your hands,” she said, stepping closer.   

Your fingers trembled as you obeyed, lifting your palms toward her.   

Her gaze lingered on your hands, her lips pressing together in a movement of pity. “You must understand,” she whispered, dipping a ladleful of molten wax. “Everything I do is for you.”   

And then the first drop fell onto your palm, and a hot, searing pain shot up your arm. You gasped, your body jerking automatically, but her other hand flashed out, catching your wrist in a surprisingly firm grip.  

"Be still," she commanded, her voice soft but firm.  

The second drop came. Then the third. The pain throbbed blindingly through your skeleton, stripping your lungs of breath. Your eyes welled with tears that rolled down your cheeks, but you bit down hard on your lip to prevent yourself from screaming. You should have listened. You deserved this, didn’t you? She knew better than you. But why did it feel so wrong, so painful? Was this truly love, or something else entirely?   

When she finally stopped, the wax cooling in thick, uneven layers across your palms, she released you. The pot was set aside, and for the first time, her expression softened.   

“There,” she said, her voice gentle. “You’re clean now.”   

You stayed where you were, your hands trembling in your lap, the stinging pain consuming you.   

Her hand reached out, brushing a tear from your cheek with startling tenderness. “You’ll thank me one day,” she murmured.   

She turned and left the room without another word, the soft rustle of her robes fading as she disappeared into the shadows of the house.   

You remained kneeling before the dying fire, your palms throbbing, gasping for air. The room was silent, save for the faint crackle of the flames and the distant groan of a door closing. The weight of her actions settled heavily on your heart.   

You didn’t move. You couldn’t. You didn’t dare to. The pain in your hands was sharp and unrelenting, but the ache in your chest cut deeper still.   

The clearing was quiet in the early morning, the air still cool and damp from the night’s lingering mist. The first light of dawn filtered through the trees, bathing dew-wet grass in soft golden light. You were on your knees in the middle of it all, your hands folded in prayer. 

It was where you belonged, as your mother had lovingly taught you.  

You softly spoke the words of your prayer from between your lips in silent cadence, each of them branded on your mind after years of practice. Your palms pressed tightly together, the faint sting of the wax cleansing still a raw reminder of your disobedience. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing the ache to subside, both in your hands and in the hollow space within your chest.  

For the past few days, you had done everything right. You had avoided Fyodor’s gaze, his presence, and even the echo of his voice in your thoughts. Each time his words crept into your mind, you pushed them away, scrubbing them from your consciousness as thoroughly as you had sought to erase his touch from your skin.  

You couldn’t bear to feel the harshness of your mother’s love again.  

And yet, when you heard the faint crunch of grass beneath careful footsteps, your heart sank. You gripped your hands tighter, the sting of your palms grounding you in the moment.  

“Leave me, please,” you whispered, your voice soft over the silence of the morning. "I need to be alone in prayer." You also wanted to avoid your mother seeing you conversing with him again. 

The footsteps did not go away. Instead, they grew louder, slower, deliberate, until they halted a few paces away from you. 

There was no reprimand in his voice when he finally spoke, only quiet curiosity. “Isn’t praying meant to bring peace?”  

You stiffened, keeping your eyes shut, shoving him away with silence. 

“Strange, then,” he continued, his voice thoughtful, on the edge of gentleness, “that you look as though it pains you.”  

The morning air felt colder against your skin after those words.  

“Tell me,” he breathed, inching nearer, his words slipping past the crevices in your resolve, “is it solace you seek? Or permission to suffer?”  

Your gasp caught in the back of your throat, fingers pressing against the raw skin of your palms. You looked over your shoulder at him, scowling. It wasn't directed at him, but at your own abject misery. 

“You needn’t answer,” Fyodor said lightly, though the tone in his voice betrays that he already knew. “But if you wish to pretend I do not exist, then perhaps you should stop trembling.”  

You turned your head away, unable to keep meeting his gaze, pressing your lips together to keep the words from spilling out. He had this hold on you, this hold of untangling you and twining your threads of purpose so that they might unravel and break. 

“I don’t want to speak to you,” you grumbled, even though it did not sound sincere. 

“I know that you are wary... But do you truly mean those words?” he asked softly, stepping closer. His voice dipped lower, his tone laced with quiet understanding. “What took place that night?”  

Your let out a soft breath, visible in the chill of the morning air. How could his presence slip past every defense you tried to build?   

He walked around you so you faced each other, then he crouched, bringing himself to your level. “Let me see,” he said, his eyes flicking briefly to your clasped hands.  

You hesitated, gripping your fingers tighter against the sting.  

“Please,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper now. “Let me see what she did.”  

The gentle plea in his tone made your chest tighten. Against your better judgment, you slowly separated your hands, turning your palms upward.  

His gaze landed on them, and for an instant, he remained still. The tender skin was now rough and hardened; some of the wax remained on your skin, and it hurt too much to remove it all. Your palms were numb for the most part now, except for when they ached, a dull, persistent reminder of your mother’s love.  

Fyodor remained silent, his fingers brushed against the surface of one palm in a habit-like manner. He took his time, concentrated, pondering something. The touch was so gentle, yet even the slightest pressure jolted you. 

His hand closed gently around yours, his touch delicate, as though he were holding something fragile. His thumb brushed over the hardened skin of your palm, soothing almost, a movement so careful.

“You shouldn’t have to bear this alone,” he said quietly, his voice low but steady.  

You froze, the words hitting you somewhere deep, somewhere you didn’t want to acknowledge.  

“I’ve been doing this alone all my life Fyodor,” you murmured, your voice trembling. “Why should now be any different?”  

His grip tightened ever so slightly, grounding but not constricting. “Because it doesn’t have to be.”  

The quiet conviction in his voice made something inside you twist. You pulled your hand back sharply, cradling it against your chest, as though his touch had hurt you.  

“I don’t need your pity,” you said, your voice breaking. “I don’t need anything from you.”  

“Pity?” he mused as his eyes narrowed ever so slightly, his head tilting to one side. “How small you make yourself.” His voice softened, almost reverent. “No, it is not pity. It never was.”   

You swallowed hard, your breath uneven, the weight of his words pressing against the silence between you.  

Slowly, he stood, his movements unhurried, his presence still steady. “You don’t have to take anything from me,” he said finally, his tone quieter now. “But you can let me give you something.”  

You didn’t respond as you looked up at him. He took a step back, his gaze still locked with yours. “Tonight,” he said, his voice soft but deliberate. “At the lake. Promise me.”  

“You’re always asking for promises,” you murmured, still cradling your hands.  

“And you’re always giving them,” he replied, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.  

You hesitated, the air between you heavy. “Why should I come?”  

“Because I can dull your ache,” he said simply. “You are breaking,” he continued. “And I would rather be the one to catch you.”  

His words landed, simple, honest; and you wanted to refuse, to push him away, but the look in his eyes made it impossible. The promise. His promise, spoken mornings ago under the tree, still echoed in your mind. Would he walk through hell with you?  

“Fine then, I... I promise I will come,” you whispered, the words trembling in the still morning air.  

He smiled down at you, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Good.”  

And then he turned, his steps soft against the grass as he disappeared into the trees, leaving you alone in the clearing once more.  

You sat there for a long moment, staring at your hands as the sunlight grew brighter. The ache in your chest hadn’t dulled—not yet—it didn’t feel quite so heavy after his visit. 

The moon hung low in the heavens, its silver light casting an ethereal glow over the village, as if watching over it with silent vigilance. The torches that usually circled the pathways had long since gone out, and the world was dark. 

You stood at the edge of your family’s home, your breath frosting in the cold night air. The folds of your cloak were weighted in your trembling hands, pulling it toward you, the fabric creased in your fingers. 

The words you had spoken to your parents earlier replayed in your mind, binding you to the person you were about to leave behind.  

"I'll rise early tomorrow for morning blessing," you'd told your mother, your voice steady although your stomach twisted. “I’ll spend the day helping prepare for the next ceremony.”  

Her approval had been clear in the way she cupped your cheek, her slight smile a silent benediction. But it was your father’s lingering gaze that stayed with you now—the quiet concern lined into his features as he’d stood in the doorway.  

“You seem restless,” he’d said softly. “Is something troubling you?”  

You had smiled, a brittle thing, and replied, “No, Father. Just... reflecting.”  

Now, as you stood beneath the chilly sky, the recollection of his face caused you a pang. Lying to him was a betrayal, yet it was a betrayal that you had to live with. 

The soft creak of the wooden gate as you opened it seemed to echo loudly in the quiet. The frost beneath your feet crunched softly, each step sounding out louder than it should. The night swallowed you whole, thick and silent, as though the world itself held its breath in anticipation. 

You walked quickly, your heart pounding in your chest, a rhythm too loud in the quiet.  

The lake was a short way outside the village, a pane of liquid silver reflecting the pale moonlight. The air here was chillier, crisper, the wet cold seeping into your skin.

As you reached the lakeshore, you saw Fyodor standing there, a solitary figure against the shimmering backdrop.  

He was at the water's edge, his black coat a discordant note in the shimmering scenery. Moonlight caught the planes of his face, casting shadows that emphasized the sharp angles. He turned as you approached him.

Fyodor watched you closely, his eyes intent but unreadable. He did not say anything for some time, and the silence that stretched out between you became tight with everything that was left unsaid. 

“They’ve marked you,” he spoke finally, his voice low.  

You flinched at the words, but he stepped closer, his proximity stifling but oddly grounding. His fingers brushed against your arm lightly, and you shuddered—not from the cold, but from the restrained intensity of his touch. 

“They made you believe you were nothing but a vessel,” he said, his eyes tracing the lines of your face, as if memorizing every detail. “A body to carry their burdens, a symbol to uphold their lies.”  

You didn’t respond, his words settled in you, stirring something raw and painful.  

“You don’t need them,” Fyodor murmured, his voice soft but certain. “Not anymore.” 

The words struck like a spark to dry kindling. Your chest tightened as tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. “Fyodor... I...I don’t want to be this anymore,” you said, your voice trembling. “I want to break free from what they’ve made me.”  

He unclasped his cloak, then yours, letting the fabrics slip to the ground and exposing the white supplicant robes beneath. A shiver traced your skin at the gesture. 

His expression softened as he then reached for your hand, his touch gentle but firm. “Then let me help you,” he said, his gaze holding yours. “Just as you’ve been a savior for them, now it’s time for someone to save you.”  

He waded into the lake with you, the water freezing cold as it climbed up your legs. The sensation was bitter, shocking, but Fyodor's hand in yours kept you upright. 

“Forget,” he murmured as you waded deeper, his voice low and hypnotic. “Forget their chains, their demands and expectations, their hollow love.”  

The water reached to your waist, the cold stealing your breath, but you kept moving, his words guiding you like a lifeline.  

“They took everything from you,” he continued, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. “Now you give it back. Leave it here. Let it sink into the depths.”  

When you stopped, Fyodor turned to face you fully. He studied you for a long moment, his expression unreadable but his gaze unrelenting. Then, without a word, he bit down on his thumb. 

The blood flowed quickly, red against the pallor of his skin, drawing your eyes wide in shock.  

Your lips parted, a quiet breath escaping you as he reached for you, his thumb tracing a slow, deliberate mark on your forehead. The warmth of his blood against your skin sent a shiver down your spine.  

“You bleed for them no longer,” he said softly. “Tonight, I bleed for you.”  

Before you had a chance to respond, his hands moved to your cheeks, cupping your face, firm but not forceful. He met your gaze, his eyes intense and unflinching. “Forget,” he whispered once more, the word heavy with meaning that seemed to seep into your very marrow. 

And then he submerged you.  

The cold enveloped you whole, the world disappearing into darkness and silence. For an instant, there was just the feel of Fyodor's hands cradling your cheeks and the water—its weight bearing down upon you, its cold seeping into every corner of your being.

Fyodor’s voice reached you even here, muffled and distant. “Forget.”  

The single word resonated, swallowing you up like an order, a promise, an invocation. 

You, creature of innocence. You, fundamental to their faith. Adored, worshipped, owned by those too blind to see you, too unworthy to understand you.

Loved by people who do not deserve you.

When he pulled you back up, the air rushed into your lungs, icy and aching. You were gasping, reaching toward him, toward his solidity. The night spun around you, but Fyodor’s hands steadied you.  

“Look at me,” he said, his voice quiet but firm.  

Your eyes met his, and for an instant, everything else faded to the one point of contact between the two of you. The lake, the cold, the village—everything went out of sight. 

“Forget,” he said one last time, his hands still framing your face. “Leave it all behind.”  

The words landed in your chest, a mix of relief and something darker. His eyes trailed the water drops clinging to your skin, the veins clutching the fluid that consecrated you, but you had not been consecrated to him, no... You were just you. And that was better than you could have hoped for. 

You don’t know why, but without thinking, you offer him your arm, just as you did days prior during the harvest festival.  

His gaze flickers to it, and for a long moment, he doesn’t say anything. But then, with a look of languor, he leans forward. His lips touch your skin, over your pulse, and you can feel the tip of his teeth graze you. It’s soft, controlled, but there’s an undercurrent of hunger in it—something that sends a shiver down your spine.  

It’s not a bite, not yet. But a promise of what could be. You can feel it in the air between you, in the way his mouth lingers just above your skin, as though he’s holding back, as though he’s waiting for you to decide.  

You don’t pull away.  

For a moment, his lips stay pressed against your skin, and you realize, in sudden, vivid detail, that this is more than a kiss; it’s power—his over you, and yours over him, wrapped in the still, silent intimacy of the moment. 

You remember the kiss under the tree. You never understood why his lips on your neck felt so profoundly intimate, until now. You realize that, at the time, he could have torn your throat wide open—could have taken your life in his embrace. Yet, as it is, he kissed you, left you for life. 

It's not an admission, not a confession, but at that brief moment, you understand all that he never said aloud. 

And there you stood, water dripping off your hair and clothes, his warm blood against your skin, as something began to change within you. The burden of the past did not leave, but it eased, its hold on you lessening. And where it left, there he was—a presence so overwhelming, so complete, that there was room for nothing else. 

After the night in the lake, what was done could never be undone. A bond forged in darkness, in the deep, cold current of water. You had reached for him then—desperate, and in turn he had reached for you. The moment you had touched him, your worlds had crashed together. In that touch, in that desperation, something irrevocably changed. 

You had felt yourself slipping in the undertow of this thing you had started, the feeling of being drawn deeper into a world that you didn’t fully understand—his world. 

Perhaps he could save you from all of this, from the life that had condemned you. Maybe if you asked him, if you were bold enough, he would want to leave this place behind. Would he run away with you if you asked?  

But the questions hovered in your mind like delicate threads, too tenuous to touch, too heavy to refuse. 

In morning's quietness, where the weight of the world could neither push you away nor pull you together, you asked. The safety of the forest surrounded you as your head laid resting on his lap, and the soft hum of the morning stillness cradled you, broken only by the occasional rustle of leaves. The forest seemed untouched, like a world in limbo—a place half here and half there. Fyodor’s fingers brushed through your hair, slow, almost absentminded, as if to calm you.

The warmth of his hand on your scalp, the roughness of his skin against your strands felt grounding yet distant. You wondered what lay beyond the suffocating ties that bound you here. You wanted to understand the world he had touched, the world that had let him slip through the cracks, the world where you could maybe breathe.  

“You have been outside, in the world...” Your voice was barely above a whisper, tentative, like stepping on fragile ground. “Fyodor, would you describe it to me?”  

There was a pause. His fingers didn’t stop moving in your hair, but they slowed, as though contemplating the question before answering.  

“Why would you need to learn about the world beyond the village?” His voice was steady, but there was something in it—something hidden, as though he was testing you.  

You opened your eyes and glanced up. He was not looking at you—his focus was elsewhere, drifting over the treetops, past the sunlight dappled leaves, somewhere far away, a quiet ache made you feel smaller, as if you were being swallowed by a world you couldn’t leave. The words were stuck in your throat, but you forced them out despite it. 

“I... I just. I don’t know.” You blinked, the thoughts running over in your mind, but they didn't fit. “I suppose I wanted...” Your voice faltered as you fought to regain your sense. 

The reality was, you struggled to find the words to ask. Not when the urge to leave was so fresh. The feel of his fingers running through your hair was the only thing that grounded you in the present, and yet it seemed to taunt your silence, tugging at the seams of the world you had known, leaving you exposed.  

“Do you wish to leave your home, family, and duty behind?”  

You had to choose between the life you knew and the uncertain future with him. The familiar shallow love they offered or the unknown depth of his love. Your mother’s will, or your own.   

His question sliced so finely it pierced your chest. When he phrased it that way, it was horrible, unthinkable. And yet you understood, way deep down in your own heart, that you had no choice. They had nothing for you. Only obligations. 

His hand stilled in your hair, and for a moment, you wished he would keep touching you, as if his hand could soothe the storm inside you. But he let go, and you lifted your head, the weight of his gaze on you now. You silently cursed yourself for not being able to grasp his thoughts and feelings as effortlessly as he seemed to understand yours.  

You stretched out your hands, your shaking fingers wrapping around his and placing them on your heart. His skin pressed to yours, you could feel the warmth of his pulse burning through his veins. "Fyodor... flee with me." 

Your breath came short, a plea caught in your throat. Was it fear of rejection or acceptance that had your heart racing so fast? Either way you knew you were running out of time.   

“Please...” you whispered it into the space between you, soft, but heavy with meaning. A plea for more than just escape—a plea for a life that wasn’t dictated by a cruel fate.  

His eyes softened, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his lips, but it wasn’t a reassuring smile. It was something darker. Something that made your stomach tighten, but also made you long for him in a way that terrified you.  

“Then we shall leave at sundown,” he said, his voice a murmur of calm assurance.  

Your heart skipped a beat, and your eyes flew wide. "Tonight?" 

"Mm... Yes." His head tilted ever so slightly, amusement flickering behind his gaze as he studied you, measuring you. "Ah, but surely you aren't hesitating now, are you?" 

“N-no!” You shook your head, words tripping over each other as you stared at his hands in yours. “I didn't think we were leaving so soon.”  

But now there was no turning back, was there? You had asked it of him. You had asked for this—for the first time in your life, you had asked for something that wasn’t a duty, something that was yours and yours alone.  

You looked up at him again, your gaze hesitant but determined. The fear didn’t go away, but it was laced with something else now. Something deeper.  

“Tonight,” you repeated, the words tasting different on your tongue. A vow, a question, a promise—your life was no longer your own, but it was his too. And you couldn't help but wonder if this was freedom or yet another chain. 

The village was now gone, swallowed by the dense arms of the forest. The torches and watchful eyes that once loomed above you had retreated into memory, to be supplanted by the quiet rustle of wind threading through the trees and the silent crunch of earth beneath your feet. The only light came from the faint glow of a lantern in Fyodor's hand. The horizon ahead of you, muted but steady, promised something better. Right?

You walked in silence, each step carrying you further from the weight of expectation, the crushing certainty of your role. The night wrapped around you, and for the first time, it didn’t feel suffocating—it felt vast.  

Your conviction had settled, not as an epiphany, but as a quiet, unshakable truth, like the steady rhythm of your heartbeat. Love wasn’t what you had been taught. It wasn't about giving yourself over to be poured out like blood to satisfy others until none was left of you. No. Love was supposed to consume you, to engulf you entirely, leaving you bare and vulnerable in its wake. That was what you needed. That was what you wanted.  

And Fyodor understood.  

He had known you in ways no one else ever did, no one else ever could. He had seen you—not the lamb, not the messiah, but the person behind all that. The one who longed to be more than a vessel, more than a symbol. He had reached for you, plucking you from the weed-infested garden where you had been planted, and you hadn’t resisted. You had let him.  

You hadn't merely let him. You'd wanted him to. 

The trees grew thinner, peeling away to reveal a vast expanse of sky. Constellations greeted you. The stars yawned above, faint pinpricks of light scattered across the heavens, their glow unwavering against the night’s darkness. You stopped at the crest of a hill, the ground sloping downward into shadows that stretched beyond the eye.  

For the first time, you realized how far you had come. And for the first time, you realized you didn’t know where you were going.  

You turned to Fyodor, your gaze meeting his. He stood just behind you, his expression calm, his dark eyes reflecting the faint light of the lantern. There was something in his presence, something steady yet consuming, something like the inexorable pull of a tide to which you were helpless to resist. 

“What now?” You whispered, your voice thread-thin over the emptiness of the night. 

“We keep walking,” he said simply, his tone unshaken, as though the answer had always been obvious.  

“Where?”  

“Whatever direction we choose to walk—though at this moment, it can only be forward, no?"  

Forward.

You looked back at the valley, at the horizon stretching endlessly behind you. The place you had known all your life, the only world you had ever been given. It felt smaller now, distant, as if you had already begun to drift beyond it.

A part of you expected something—regret, hesitation, even the urge to turn back. But there was nothing. Just the quiet hum of uncertainty, pressing against your ribs like a question without an answer.

“Are you afraid, my dear?” His voice broke into the quiet.

You hesitated, blinked once, then looked at him, truly looked at him. His features were gentle, almost reassuring, but that was the danger of him, wasn’t it? The way he could make surrender feel like safety. The breeze wove through his raven-black hair, tousling it just enough to make him look almost human. Almost.

He was asking if you were afraid. Of what? Of him? The road ahead? Of what you had just done—what you could not undo?

Or perhaps the fear that, for all the running, for all the choices you had convinced yourself were your own, you had simply traded one fate for another?

No, this wasn’t destiny. This wasn’t divine intervention, some carefully orchestrated decree from a higher power. This was something far more deliberate.  

Fyodor had wielded this.  

He had taken the threads of fate into his own hands, bending and twisting them until they spelled your name. Each moment that led you here was part of his design—each word, each caress, each whispered promise he orchestrated. He had seen you, chosen you, and remade the world in his image, pulling you into the center of it.  

And although you knew this, although you could sense the force of his will, you didn't step back. 

Your gaze dropped to your hands. The scars were faint now, their edges softened by time, but they would never truly fade. They would remain, etched into your skin like echoes of the love you had been taught to obey. Love that had taken and taken until there was almost nothing left.  

You flexed your fingers slowly, the motion still awkward against the hardened skin. These were the hands of someone who had been forged in fire, broken and remade. But they were still your hands, weren’t they?

You exhaled, letting the thoughts pass, letting the wind carry them somewhere far, far away. “No, not anymore,” you said quietly, though the words felt like a fragile truth.  

His gaze lingered on you, sharp and unreadable. And then, with a ghost of a smile, he held out his hand—not as a command, but as a gift. 

You stared at it for a long moment, your chest tightening. Then, slowly, you placed your hand in his. His fingers closed around yours, his grip steady, grounding. Side by side, you began to descend the hill. The shadows lay long behind you on the trail. Your life left behind for something new.

You thought about your mother, your father, Abel, and the people who had surrounded you all your life. Each had offered you love, or at least, what they believed love to be.

Your mother’s love had been the sharpest—unyielding, possessive, a sculptor’s chisel carving you into the shape she had chosen. To her, love was not something given but something controlled, something molded. She had loved you fiercely, but only in the way one loves a creation of their own making. And when you strayed from her vision, she did not grieve—you were not meant to stray. She would break you, burn you, cleanse you, until you were hers again. Until you were right.

Your father’s love had been quiet, steady. It had been genuine in a way that made it almost painful, because in all its softness, it had never been enough. He had watched you suffer, whispered his regrets when no one else was listening, but love without action is just a shadow of what it should be. He had held you when you were small, bandaged your wounds, and yet when it truly mattered, when you needed him to stand, to fight, to choose you—he had stayed silent. His love had not been cruel, but it had been powerless.

And Abel. Abel had loved you as the village did—with wide, devoted eyes and reverence that felt more like worship than love. He had loved you the way they all did, as something sacred, something above them, rather than with them. His devotion had been absolute, his faith unwavering, but there had been no knowing in it. No understanding. He had loved the idea of you, the symbol, the offering, not the person behind it. And perhaps that was why it had never been enough.

Love. Their love had bound you, shaped you, kept you caged within their expectations. But it had also led you here, to this moment, to this road.

You didn’t know what lay ahead. You didn’t know if you would ever be free, or if freedom itself was just another illusion.

And so, you walked forward—not because you were free, not because you weren’t.

But because now, he loved you.

Now we will return to our initial question.

What is love, exactly?

And did you, creature of innocence, get what you desired? 

Dividers: saradika-graphics

A/N: Extremely special thanks to my dear friend @rottenstawberrygirl—a kind, amazing, and endlessly supportive person. She’s been with me from the very beginning, always cheering me on. I’m so thankful for you Berry.

This has truly been a journey, and I’m also so grateful to everyone who patiently waited for me to finish this.

The truth is, multi-part stories have always scared me. I remember being a young teen, scrolling through Wattpad, Quotev, AO3—falling in love with beautiful stories that sometimes never found their ending. And I understood that, in a way, because I’ve left stories unfinished too—whether from a lack of inspiration, dissatisfaction, or simply the fear that they wouldn’t live up to what I envisioned.

Finishing this was my way of facing that fear. It may be small, just a little over 25,000 words, but it’s complete. And for that, I’m proud.

And if you’re someone who writes—whether it’s full-length stories, small scenarios, headcanons, or just thoughts scribbled down in passing—I want you to know that I’m proud of you too. Because putting your ideas into words, no matter how big or small, is something worth celebrating.

[theonlyqualitytrash]

Illustration by Alexey Dmitriev for Krylov's fables. The only imagine going through my head when thinking or writing about cult Fyodor.

[theonlyqualitytrash]

Kinda need more moments of that last fyodor fic u wrote 👉🏻👈🏻

What I am hearing, dear Anon, is that you crave more cult Fyodor scenarios. And who am I to deny the people what they need?

As a side note... Am I the only one that hears wedding bells?

[theonlyqualitytrash]

Masterlist

All of my works neatly laid out

General:

BSD cast on the infinite train

Fyodor:

Fanfics:

Memento Mori

Ultima Sacrificium

Ubi amor, ibi dolor

Beata hiems—Holiday special

Creatura innocentiae

Headcannons/small scenarios:

Headcannon—Fyodor paints

When he leaves

Fyodor and Fatherhood

Fyodor on Valentines Day

Analysis:

The irony in Fyodor's words

Fyodor and lily symbolism

TAGS: When I get sucked into the cult AU: #qt.cult.fyo

Nikolai(wip):

Fanfics:

Cirque du reve

Headcanons/small scenarios:

Headcanon━Nikolai in winter

Nikolai on Valentines Day

Analysis:

Dividers: saradika-graphics