#pwBPD are traumatized humans who deserve support

[flip-flopping-frede]

My experiences with how an fp forms and how it stops as someone w/ BPD

Recently, I started watching My Hero Academia, and one of the characters, Bakugou, I had grown incredibly fond of.

At the moment, I don’t have an fp and I have not had one for some time now. While I was watching MHA, I could feel my attachment for this character growing. I believe I was slowly putting this character on a pedestal, because I kept having this growing feeling of devoting towards them. I think that this is experience is something called spitting. Usually people talk about splitting with BPD as the person with BPD feels neutral towards someone or something, and then they split on the person or thing so they see it as all bad, versus neutrally. In my case, with the character Bakugou, I was splitting on him so I saw him as all good. Based on my past lived experiences, I believe that the character Bakugou was in the process of becoming my fp. Additionally, when I experience fps, they bring me happiness. Unfortunately, because I have fully split on fps, I see them as an object/comfort character that only brings me happiness. It is extremely difficult to view the fp neutrally, since I am dependent on them for happiness and emotional regulation. This is problematic because I may default to associating the fp with happiness, versus being adaptable if the fp is being serious about something, or is bringing up something that needs compassion, and not to be laughed at/made fun of/taken as a joke.

With the character Bakugou, I rewatched the series because I wanted to see if he had NPD. He does, and by like making an effort to understand him, his symptoms, and behavior, versus not taking him seriously and treating him as a comfort character, I humanized him. Something else happened too, where I accidentally came across a spoiler.

I think that both of these cases (using cognitive empathy for Bakugou and having the spoiler mess me up) kind of interrupted the process for Bakugou becoming my fp. I think that fps are toxic and codependent relationships, and yet, I do think if an fp was to exist, it would be better for the fp to be a fictional character versus a real person who deserves to be humanized and not split on.

Basically, I wanted to share that, for any people with BPD, the way to stop an fp from fully forming is that the potential fp needs to hurt you (the person with BPD). I don’t mean that they need to go out of their way to cause you pain. But they need to do something, like make a mistake, or have a boundary. Anything that reminds you that they are an imperfect human who cannot handle being put on a pedestal. In the past, I have felt someone becoming my fp, but that stopped after they went over 24 hours without talking to me (this is a reasonable boundary that deserves to be respected, too.) Additionally, I have had another person not become my fp, because there was a chance/it seemed suspicious that she could have *possibly* been romantically attracted to me, and I’m an akoiromantic. The list goes on. But basically, if a person is becoming the fp of a pwBPD, one of the ways to stop it is for the potential fp to have or do something the pwBPD subjectively considers an imperfection or a reminder that they are human. PwBPD place people on pedestals for a reason. The fps that were perfect and flawless during the process when they were becoming the pwBPD’s fp, are perfect and flawless in the pwBPD’s eyes, since the pwBPD has split on the fp, now seeing them as all good. This means, even if the now-established fp made a flaw or mistake or reminder that they are human, the pwBPD may overlook and ignore that at best, or become upset and angry at the fp at worst for not living up to the flawless imagine that the pwBPD has formed of the fp in their head.

I’m not sure if anyone will find this useful, but I really just wanted to share my thoughts because I think it’s interesting to hear about people’s lived experiences, especially the lived experiences of people with personality disorders who are stigmatized so much and everything. Thanks for reading 💗