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writersrite · 7 years

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I’m in love.

Yes, I can say that I’m finally truly, madly, deeply in love with someone.

It was November 22, 2017, Wednesday, when I went to the clinic to have my final trimester ultrasound. I’m all alone since its a work day and I just ask permission to my boss that I will be coming late to have my ultrasound. While in the ultrasound room, OB seems agitated and advised me to proceed to hospital so that my OB could check my result. I was worried while waiting for the result of my ultrasound. When I saw it, I red words which I don’t really understand like oligo something, no heartbeat etc. Immediately, I proceeded to the hospital teary eyed. Yung tatlong kantong nilakad ko papunta sa clinic seems like ilang hakbang lang sakin nung papunta akong hospital.

Then I proceeded to the delivery room as advised. Hindi pa nga maintindihan ng nurses nung una kung ano yung concern ko since sabi ko wala naman sumasakit sakin until one of the nurse check my result and she immediately brought me to the delivery room. I kept asking her, manganganak na ba ako. She said, I don’t know but oligo is an emergency situation and most of the patients who has that will eventually deliver their babies through c section. So there, I was shookt. Ayoko pa manganak. Plus I want a normal delivery, I don’t want a c section. Bukod sa mahal na, matagal pa magpagaling. I want to experience the pain of giving birth. Wala akong nararamdamang kahit anong sakit that time so I know in myself na I was not about to give birth.

So they run a series of test to me. Sinuutan ng scrub suit, kinabitan ng kung ano anong aparato. Pindot pindot pag gagalaw si baby. Ilang beses din akong ininterview ng mga nurses yata yun kahit iisa lang naman mga tanong nila. So as per the OB on duty, okay naman daw ako, okay naman daw si baby so she asked if I’m willing to be admitted if advise by my OB since she will going to call Dra.Pat to update her on me and my baby’s condition. So I said, if its not really an emergency, I’d rather leave and go to work. But after talking to Dra. Pat, she said that Dra’s advised was for me to be admitted. I’m shookt again. Why? Nagkocompute na sa utak ko ang gastos. Haha.

So when Dra. Pat came, ang sinabi niya agad is CS na kita, wala ka ng tubig. Then she said to others, pagkatapos ni ganito, pasok na siya sa operating room. For the third time, I was shookt. Ooperahan na ako. Hiningi nila number ng partner ko so binigay ko. They kept calling him pero out of service daw di matawagan ilang beses na. So instead, I gave our house’s landline. I heard the doctor talking to mama. After a while, wala pa din akong kahit sinong kasama sa hospital. Walang magsign ng paper ko so sabi nila after na lang pag dumating na sila since need na ako ipasok sa operating room.

So ayun na nga, I was brought to the operating room. I don’t know kung anong mararamdaman ko that time. Basta all I know is, ooperahan ako ng wala akong kahit sinong relative na kasama. Medyo kabado. Pero I kept telling myself na kaya ko to. Sandali lang to. Para sa baby ko. So I was lying on the operating table, ang daming tao nagaayos. Then they told me tuturukan na daw ako ng anesthesia. I was nervous because people told me na masakit daw since sa buto itutusok. Nurses told me to bend daw, as in bend so I did with their help of course, mga lalaking nurse pa to pero wala ng kiyeme basta matapos lang. So ayun, hindi naman pala masakit. After that, namanhid na ako. Tinakpan na nila yung harap ko. Nararamdaman ko nililinis na nila katawan ko. The last thing I remembered was, the anesthesiologist said that she put pampatulog on my oxygen. I woke up by a loud cry, it was my baby’s cry. Lumabas na siya. Then Dra. Pat patted my face and said okay na Lira, maybe I smiled to her pero groggy pa ako nun. All I can hear is my baby’s cry. Its so loud, they’re saying na lalaking makulit daw ang baby ko. Then I think nakatulog ulit ako.

Nagising ako nung okay na, ililipat na ako sa recovery room, groggy pa din. Manhid pa din katawan. When I was on the delivery room, nurses kept on saying na wala pa din daw akong relative. Tinatawagan nila pero di pa din macontact. Si baby iyak ng iyak pa din. Tinabi nila sakin si baby and pinalatch sa dibdib ko. I was chilling because of anesthesia. Until I heard the nurse saying na andiyan na daw relative ko. So after they run a series of test sakin and kay baby, they brought me to our room. Naabutan ko dun sila mama and Alia. Si Jonathan wala pa din yata nun, di ko alam kung nasaan. Kinabitan na ako ng mga swero and everything. One day ganon. Daming gamot na nilalagay sa swero. For 3 days we stayed in the hospital, nurses kept on checking us. On the first day after my operation, grabeng sakit. Di ako makatayo. Di ako makaihi. Naiihi pero di makalakad sa sobrang sakit. Binubuhat na ako ni Jonathan sa kama para lang maayos yung higa ko. Higa lang talaga ako. I was thankful to Babe kasi andun siya, di niya kami pinabayaan kahit hirap siyang matulog at puyatpa plus siya nagaasikaso ng everything sa hospital, pinapapunta lang si mama pag kelangan siyang palitan kasi may mga aayusin. Tinutulungan niya din ako kay baby na iyak ng iyak. Nakakataranta pa kasi yung iyak ni baby grabe. Parang sinasaktan at siya lang umiiyak sa room sa dis oras ng gabi since nasa ward kami. Grabe din sacrifice ni Babe that time plus yung gastos pa.

It was Saturday when we were discharged. So far okay naman si baby until now. His name is Javier Godfrey. A 2.32 kgs baby boy. He's small but I'm doing my best so he could be a bigger and healthy baby boy.

Whenever I look at my son, my emotions overflow that I can't help but become teary eyed. Yes. Teary eyed talaga when I look at him. I can't believe this is happening to me. Ako na sobrang takot magkaron ng sariling pamilya dahil sa mga naranasan ng mga kapatid kong hirap. Yes, it will be a very big adjustment to me but right now, hindi ko na naisip yun because I'm willing to sacrifice everything and anything for him.

Because now I believe that I'm really in love. Yes, I'm in love with my son. At this point, I realized that there is really a different kinds of love. Romantic love, love for family, love for friends, love for your siblings and love for your children. Love for your children is way beyond different to those other love. Because this love will never betray us, it will never lie to us, there is no one who could replace you on your children and your chldren to you. This love will be for eternity and beyond infinity.

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