#putting this in the drafts. im choosing peace today

[mukuberry]

self ship tumblr after going 1 hour without making a new callout post

[celestialjupe]

Girlblogging: 1/6/23

Today was good! i got a late start, but earlier than other days this week, thankfully. I've been trying to fix my schedule and i think today might have done the trick! i woke up to a package from my bestie. who sent me a wall collage kit. I love love love it, every picture is so perfect and exactly the vibe i've been going for in this new era.

I had some coffee, it's a new kind and its pecan coffee. It's absolutely heavenly. Seriously, the beans smell like a pecan syrup and it's a beautiful medium roast. I always add two tablespoons of sugar, some milk, and a bit of vanilla syrup. Yes it is disgustingly sweet, but i love it. I have two friends that take their coffee black and it's so crazy to me, like, girl WHAT?!?! idk i guess I'm a more of a sugar fan than a coffee fan. so i had my coffee, my best friend and i facetimed for a little and it was a pretty fun start to the day.

Afterwards, i took a shower, did my skincare, and got ready. I took the train to a nearby college town, which was really nice. On the ride, i drafted a letter i was planning to write, but i decided against it because i don't think any good would come from sending it, for me or the other party. I live next to a lake, so i watched the waves and wow, water is so cool i love just sitting and staring at it, especially with a nice playlist. Fluidity is an art, and i think im really beginning to master it.

When i got to my destination, I went to this recycled bookstore that i've been frequenting since summer. I love this bookstore, i always find myself spending hours in there, almost in a trance. The workers are always so cool too. Great fashion, friendly and interactive people who seem to really like their job. I got two books about animation, one about learning animation, and another about the history of animation. I also got this novel called 'vegas sunrise' It's about this matriarch of a casino family, and she chooses one of her husbands children to run the casino, and apparently everything goes up in flames, im excited to actually read it and see what it's all about. Overall i spent almost two hours in the bookstore. I almost bought a book about insects, but while i was in line i decided to put it back, because after taking a more thorough look at the contents, i realized it wasn't what i was looking for. I was super interested in a couple of astronomy books, but i ended up passing on those as well cause most of the selection was a little too advanced for my current level of knowledge.

By the time i left the bookstore, it was pretty dark out. I know my way around the town pretty well by this point, but i did in fact, get lost this time lol. I found myself on the side of town where multiple car alarms were going off and obviously the only appropriate reaction to this sort of predicament is to listen to oblivion by grimes, duh. I did just about shit a brick though, because usually a lot of people walk around this town but at this time of night i found myself to be the only one, a little scary, but i persevered and found the train station. Sadly i was too late for the first train i was planning to take, so i was looking at a fifteen minute wait in the dark at the station. Miraculously, the next train was quite early, and i was very grateful for that. the ride back was very peaceful, there was only one other person on the train with me. An older man a few rows back, who slept soundly the whole time. It's pretty cute to see that sort of thing, and it fills me with a sense of gratitude to see people in that sort of comfort. Like, good for you dude! you deserve some rest, im sure of it.

I got back to my place, got in pajamas, washed my face, read one of the last chapters of valley of the dolls, and had a sandwich. I coated one slice of bread in mayo, the other with garlic hummus, i put mozzarella, lettuce, and salami on it too. A little thin, but still filling and delicious. Then i sat down to write a bit. After this entry im going to draw, maybe read a bit more, and try to go to bed at a decent time. Thank you for reading, if you did, i appreciate it! I hope you have a good night/day/afternoon, please eat, stay hydrated, sleep well and try your best to focus on what you love.

[vigilvntes]

Bruises - Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader (Star Wars)

A/N: the way i had the opening of this in my drafts for ages and then at the big time of 2am i decided i wanted to rewrite the whole thing and get it published ;) i’m so much more motivated to write than usual when i should be doing uni work but oh well more kylo content for you guys <33 inbox is always open for requests while im actually writing so feel free to send and i hope you enjoy <33

Word count: 1900+

Warnings: mentions of minor injuries. 

You walked out of the casino, wincing as the harsh evening winds hit your bare arms. The dress you wore did little to nothing to protect you from the weather, but the last thing you expected to be doing was leaving the venue in search of your date.

Canto Bight was never your favourite place. In your opinion, it was filled with sleazes, who only came to the city for three things: money, booze and sex. However, you were the daughter of a noble family and despite your wishes, your family often sent you along to the gatherings they were expected to attend, assuming that you would fit in with the crowd more than they would. They thought you’d enjoy the party, enjoy the alcohol, even the attention you often seemed to draw to yourself. How wrong they were.

However, there was always one saving grace to evenings like these: Commander Kylo Ren, of the First Order.

The two of you weren’t official, as much as you would like to be. You understood that he had work to do, with his grandfather leaving big boots to fill, he barely had time to sleep, let alone date. But for some strange reason, you were different. You caught his attention, and he made sure to make time for you, whether that meant attending parties and events with you, or simply going out of his way to visit you, if only for an hour. 

Truthfully, you had spent many nights lying awake, tears in your eyes as you thought about your future, which you hoped would be with Kylo. Would he eventually ask you to be his girlfriend? Would he want to marry? To him, those questions would seem trivial, of no importance. He loved you, and would find ways to show you. But to you they meant a lot, and you were hoping for some kind of answers sometime soon. 

You shook your head as you made your way over to the short wall which surrounded the casino, leaning on it, using your elbows to keep yourself propped up as your head rested in your hand. Your gaze flitted between the city and the body of water beyond, which seemed strangely calm despite the mean winds. For a moment, you forgot about the cold, forgot about why you had even come outside in the first place as you watched the waves slowly made their way towards the shore. 

Your peace was soon interrupted.

A pair of hands snaked around your waist from behind and you let out a yelp, turning around quickly to face whoever had touched you, ready to defend yourself as much as you possibly could. Until you heard that familiar, smug chuckle come from behind a mask. You knew exactly who it was before you.

You rolled your eyes, “Way to make an entrance, Commander.” Despite your annoyance, you truly were happy to see him. Immediately you pulled him towards you and wrapped your arms around him, smiling into his chest as you felt him return the gesture. 

Eventually, you pulled away and narrowed your eyes at the man. “Don’t think you’ve gotten away with it. I still have a bone to pick with you.”

Despite how hard he tried to hide it, you heard him sigh lightly underneath the mask and mumble a disgruntled, “Go on.”

“First of all you’re late.”

“(Y/N), I had bus-”

“I’m not finished.” If anyone else spoke to him that way, they would surely be punished. But not you. He allowed you to put him in his place, mainly because he couldn’t ever bring himself to snap at you, but also because he found you too cute when you were pissed off with him.

You took his silence as a go ahead to continue with your rant. “You’re late. Your clothes are ruined. Your helmet still has smoke coming from it. Do I need to continue? How did you even get here? Where have you been?”

“Like I said-”

“Take it off.” You demanded. You were sick of hearing the robotic voice coming from the mask already. You wanted to speak with Kylo, not Commander Ren. 

An almost stunned silence washed over him and he replied to your demand with a quiet, “T-take it off?”

“The helmet, genius. Take it off.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, but eventually he reached his hands up and pulled the helmet from his head, revealing a mop of dark, curly hair, which had grown longer since the last time you saw one another, and just as you had expected, new cuts adorned his face, almost nicking the gauze of the scar he had attained during the destruction of Starkiller. But what really caught your attention was the black eye. 

He simply stared at you, waiting patiently for you to react, prepared to accept anything you threw his way. But for a moment you said nothing, all you could do was sigh.

After a minute, you moved closer to him and reached up, your fingers tracing the scar on his cheek, offering him a small, sympathetic smile, “If I remember correctly, the invitation said black tie, not black eye, Ren.”

Kylo couldn’t help but smile at your comment, and you were glad to hear his deep voice, which you had missed so dearly, reply with, “I must have read it wrong.”

“You wanna tell me how Kylo Ren, Commander of the First Order, has ended up with a black eye?”

His smile dropped at your inquiry to know more about his injuries, and your smile followed suit as you realised exactly what had happened. “It was them, wasn’t it?” You asked.

“Who?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Kylo. It was the Scavenger and her Resistance friends, wasn’t it?”

His silence said everything. He pushed his tongue into his cheek and looked away from you, almost embarrassed. And truthfully, it was quite embarrassing. He was Commander Ren. He was feared. Respected. Yet he couldn’t even manage to capture and kill a scavenger girl. 

You turned away from him, moving your attention back to the sea, crossing your arms. He knew you were pissed and he’d have to talk his way out of this one somehow. His silence simply wasn’t enough.

“(Y/N). I’m sorry that I turned up so late.” You didn’t even move, let alone reply, so he continued. “And I’m sorry about the state of my attire.” No reply. “And.... I would also like to apologise for the state of my face.” He wasn’t usually one to apologise to anyone, but a genuine apology from him was the only way for him to bounce back from his fuck up’s.

You tried your hardest to keep your composure, but one of the most powerful men in the galaxy apologising for his face was enough to bring a smile to anyone’s lips. “I guess she got you good, huh?”

He came to your side after hearing your joking retort, “You could say that.” He found himself thinking this too often, but if anyone else had mocked him this way he most likely would have destroyed a wall or two. He knew you would never think of him as a failure, or an embarrassment, as many probably did. Your light-hearted jabs at him were mainly for your own comfort. To make light of any bad situation he often found himself in.

You sighed, leaning your head onto his shoulder. You hated how quickly you could melt back into him again, but you couldn’t waste any more precious time you had together being angry or upset, “I just worry about you,”

“I know. But you shouldn’t,” He mumbled. “I can be reckless. I throw myself into danger. But I also come back fine.” He knew to you those words would probably mean nothing, but he was trying his best to comfort you. 

“You make it so hard not to worry. I mean, this war you’ve got going on... It’s so much bigger than you, or me, or the Scavenger girl. And truthfully, I’m scared. Terrified, actually. For you, for me. For my family. For everyone, really.” That was the first time you had ever admitted your fears to him. There was no way he’d give up his title, give up the First Order, but you hoped he’d provide you with a little reassurance that things would be okay. 

His grip on you tightened, not so much that it would hurt you, but enough to know that he felt every word you spoke. “You know I wouldn’t ever let anything happen to you, or anyone you care about. I care about you too much to hurt you like that.” He stepped in front of you and knelt down, taking both of your hands. “As for everything else, I can’t make any promises. No one, not even the Supreme Leader knows what’s coming next. All I can ask is that you trust me enough to make the right choices.”

His words, for some reason you couldn’t quite decipher, felt like they held some hidden meaning. Like he was planning something drastic, or he knew something drastic would happen in the future. But you took these thoughts with a grain of salt, choosing not to press him any further, and instead choosing to trust him, as he asked of you. Squeezing his hand lightly, you offered him a small smile, “Of course I trust you. I’d trust you with my life. Just... Do what’s right. And if it doesn’t feel or seem right then... Don’t.”

He nodded and stood up slowly, “Of course.” After a few moments of peaceful silence shared between the two of you, as you processed each other’s words, he broke it. “You’re going to have my head the next time I see you, I know, but I have to go.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, “You have to go? As in you’re not staying?”

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am, and I know I said I’d join you for the night but given how today went, I’m not even supposed to be here.”

“Oh, and where exactly are you supposed to be?” You knew the answer already, and you knew he’d probably be in some deep trouble, you just wanted him to say it himself.

Once again, he pushed his tongue into his cheek before replying with, “The Supremacy.”

Bingo, you thought to yourself. The Supremacy. The Supreme Leader’s ship. And Kylo chose to go out of his way to see you first, prioritising you over his master. You couldn’t help but feel flattered, even though your plans for the night had been ruined. You gave him a small smile, “I suppose because you came to me first, and because I’m almost certain the Supreme Leader is gonna give you a harder time than I ever could, I’ll let this one go,”

“I appreciate that.” He leant down and pressed his lips to yours gently, and when he pulled away, he left another on your forehead. “I’ll see you soon, I promise.”

As you watched him walk away, towards the steps, you wished you could go with him. Be by his side, be able to see him everyday. Even though you knew that wasn’t exactly possible at the moment, you couldn’t help but ask. Before you could stop yourself, you had called his name, and he, already a few metres away, had turned to look back at you. 

He knew what you were going to ask, and this time his answer was more hopeful than it had been before. He couldn’t tell you what was to come, but he hoped it would work for the both of you.

“Kylo I-.... One day, will you take me with you?”

He nodded his head slowly, and spoke only one word, “Soon.”

[randombubblegum]

i just want you all to know. that as insane and unhinged and clearly spiralling into madness by the day as i am on here. i am sparing u from the worst of it. i put my most insane textposts into my drafts to keep the world safe from them. ill write yet another missive about awsten or an irrelevant part of his body or what i think otto thinks about a random mcr song and im like...no. not today. today i choose peace