#putting the rant in the tags in case people find it comforting to relate

[arrows-and-ace-thetics]

For anyone else who may need to hear this today:

You will find people in your life who exactly what you can give is enough

You are allowed to set boundaries, you are allowed to not give everything

Looking after yourself means you can give more in the long run

You are enough

[stopbeingrude]

Wow once again, a Gruvia hater makes fun of Gruvia fans. Just wonderful, great even.

Here we go again then.

So honestly, what is the point of writing such long posts about how you hate ship? They argues that it has the same meaning as someone writing long posts in defense of a character. Well, not necessarily. Why would I write a several page post about how I hate a character/ship when doing that is just unhealthy . If I really hate something (which doesn't happen too often for me, but never mind), I just avoid it! It's really not that hard to understand.

Besides, I find it very funny that to show Juvia in a good light, apparently, we are putting down different characters. I don't deny that there are people who are capable of this, but it applies to every fandom! And most importantly, we are not trying to make Juvia into some perfect goddess who never makes mistakes and should be excused. She has her faults, just like any other character. There's no denying that despite the fact that she is my comfort character she did things for the sight of which even I reacted "Oi that's a bit too much", but it doesn't change the fact that a large part of her actions are simply comedy elements.

-"But you can't blame everything on comedy in toxic Gruvian..."

Well I can, I'm not going to lie about reality. Is it so hard to understand that Eastern culture is different from your Western culture? Is that so hard. Why do some people forcefully look for a problem where there is none? I'm not saying that Juvia is written without flaws, but the fact that none of the haters even try, to properly understand her character, without hate is just sad. There are plenty of posts on Tb that take an in-depth and very cool look at Juvia's character. They write about what people don't pay attention to... you know what let's be honest, they DON'T WANT to pay attention to....

And back to insulting other characters in favour ofJuvia, according to these user, it's just childish. Well I agree. Totally, but I would like to remind dear user that you started listing how Natsu, Lucy, Gray are better characters while insulting Juvia. You feel that? It smacks of hypocrisy to me.

And when it comes to the very intelligent and old as the world argument about how Gruvia is forced, at this point, it just makes me want to puke. All it takes is a very good search and, as I just mentioned in the case of Juvia, you will find some great analysis. And for the last time let me remind you. Gray is a grown, 20 year old guy with magical powers, if Juvia's presence really scared him that much he would have done something about it long ago. He can take care of himself! STOP MAKING HIM A VICTIM!!

The fact that people are so desperate, because there is no other way to call it, to continue to have ( sorry for the vulgarity) pain in the ass about the fact that this ship is canon, shows only their level of maturity. For real, we have so many problems in the world, and these people have a problem about Gray being with Juvia. And once again, I call attention to TAGS. If you write something just to hate on it and post it in a place where there are fans of it and then immediately write how you're not going to force your opinion on them, then you're just stupid...there's no other way to call it. Besides, Oh Great Philosopher, if you say that Juvia fans are so horrible in relation to Lucy fans, what example do you set as a Lucy fan by insulting Juvia? As a Lucy fan myself, I'm so dissapointed...

And those Tags. Juvia sucks. Gruvia sucks. I think they totally speak to the level of this person.

The end. Sorry for the messy rant, but I just don't understand the mentality of certain people..I was planning on tagging a few posters who did great analysis on Juvia or Gruvia, but I think at this point it's probably all Gruvians who have seen it lmao. Well another cokehead to block who doesn't know how to use tags, too bad. And to all Gruvians, have a good day/night. I really hope for more Gruvia- moments in the future to piss these people off. Am I being mean? Absolutely. But as they say fire should be fought with fire.

[biblio-bitch]

Detroit Evolution Commentary Pt. 3 [FINAL]

It’s been a while, sorry. Life sucks ass sometimes and I had to do some transferring to my new laptop. I’ll write down some more fun facts as an apology. Disclaimer: This is all stuff I noticed, inferred, or interpreted. I didn’t write the film, anything I’ve interpreted is just that, an interpretation based on things I noticed using my experiences and knowledge. 

Fun fact #1: I have attempted to write in a proper novel style at least five times. After watching DE and watching @octopunkmedia ���s script breakdowns and such, I've started writing scripts instead. I’m much farther along in those than I ever have been in books. 10/10 amazing for my visual based concepts.

Fun fact #2: My mental health was rapidly declining and I was losing interest in quite literally everything at the time the film was released. Watching the film and fixating on it for a month straight not only inspired me but helped me regain control of my life. Watching streams by the cast and Michelle while I worked for school made my productivity skyrocket.

Fun fact #3: I recently developed a tic that I now can’t get rid of. It was out of control for about twenty minutes right before I began writing this post. However, when I began re-watching the film (partially because it’s a comfort for me and I’m quite honestly terrified of what’s happening in the US right now) it stopped. So that’s fun.

As usual, spoilers and swearing under the cut! Quick note: If there should be a trigger warning on this or anything else I post, please let me know! I’m horrible at remembering to tag triggers. I’ll also be doing some quick posts on Umbrella Academy and my severe obsession with Jason Todd soon. Have fun!

As usual, here’s a list of people I know the users of in case you’d like to check any of them out. I’m likely missing people so feel free to let me know who I’m missing so I can add them!

Maximilian Kroger - Nines (@ maximiliankroger)

Christopher (Chris) Trindade - Gavin (@ trindabago)

Michael Smallwood - Chris Miller (@ michaelsmallwoodforever)

Carla Kim - Tina Chen (@ carlahkim)

Jillian Geurts - Ada (@ jilbobaggins_nyc)

Michelle Iannantuono - (@ octopunkmedia)

JJ Goller - Lazzo (@ quasar.cos)

Brett Mullen - Cinematographer (@ brettmullendirector)

Austin Butts - Sound Design (@ austinbytts)

Tiare Solis - Valerie (@ tiareleiana)

So I decided to put all of the rest into this post. It’s a long one. Not even that sorry about it bc I love this film with my entire heart. Warning for me getting sidetracked. I use a lot of Supernatural references but it’s because I’m visiting my dad and he’s binge watching the show. I like Dean and only Dean, don’t bully me for it.

The Wrist Grip™️ in the bedroom before Nines moves back

Shoutout to Maximilian Kroger’s muscles u go dude

Lighting Symbolism™️, big theme through the movie, honestly I think it’s beautiful and they did a wonderful job with it.

The little nod from Gavin as he starts talking about his nightmare 

You can see Gavin gearing up to move, like not in a normal way, in a “oh god I don’t know if I have the energy to do this” way and that’s Relatable™️

The little smile from Nines as they sit together

The SHARK PLUSHIE I LOVE HIM (THE SHARK HAS AN INSTAGRAM @ sharktreuse)

Nines being domestic, making coffee and breakfast, being Soft.

Shirt change??? Either I’m blind or he’s wearing a different shirt in the morning (He is. He’s wearing a t shirt at night and a buttoned collar shirt in the morning. Perhaps he changed? He’s wearing normal pants so he probably changed but he’s not wearing that same shirt in the next scene)

Ada eye rolling at them being passive aggressive dumbasses. Same. Apparently Jillian kept fucking with them which is,, so valid. 

The lighting in this scene (the office pt. 2) makes Maximilian look Android-white and outlined in the CyberLife blue-ish color. Very symbolic, I have no idea if it was intentional.

Another shoutout, this time to Maximilian’s eyebrows, the expressiveness is *chef’s kiss*.

“You can thank me later, Casanova.” Nines: *confused Android noises* 

Honorable mention to Michael’s Foo Fighters t shirt in the bar, it’s vintage.

Nines is in fact wearing a different shirt now. Not the same shirt from the morning bedroom scene. I also think he’s wearing a different jacket. Less of a peacoat and more of a leather jacket. Nice.

Shoutout to Tina’s (not irl) wife, Valerie! And her weird crush on Hank! I honestly can’t wait to see her in Seven Deadly Synths!!

Ada DODGING the questions that Nines is asking because she is SHADY. 

Also, he looks to Gavin when he talks about wanting to be more human. Recurring theme of him perceiving himself as lacking because of his ace-ness/android-ness, like he can’t give Gavin what he wants. Honestly I know that the android thing is a thinly veiled metaphor for race in canon but I kinda like thinking of it as a metaphor for being LGBT+ and in Nines’ case, specifically ace. Might not make sense but it does in my brain??

Gavin Senses Are Tingling and Nines is GONE. Leaving the bar for ur not-bf to try to talk things out like adults??? King shit.

Also electric lighter, fun, I genuinely didn’t know those existed

SHIRT WITH UNBUTTONED COLLAR

“You don’t want to help me, you want to fix me.” What a loaded line. Because in a way, it’s almost true? Like, Nines has this entire simulation of Gavin in his ideal world, and obviously that version of Gavin has probably been idealized at least a bit. Nature of humanity, and Nines might not be human but he’s got the Brain Things. And at that moment, it’s nearly true that Nines wants Gavin to be like that ideal Gavin. Obviously Nines wants Gavin as Gavin, but there’s the edge of that simulation there, still. 

But Nines does want to help Gavin, and that’s where he’s wrong. Nines wants Gavin to get better, wants to help stop the nightmares, etc. But by pointing that out, I think it’s partially why Nines can accept letting go of Simulation!Gavin when Ada attacks him. Because he knows that the simulation of Gavin will never be the real Gavin, and this line sort of helps him understand that he can’t really keep Sim!Gavin anyways.

Again idk if that’s legit but that’s definitely something I felt from that while watching.

Nines is constantly very controlled, but when he walks away from Gavin you can see him straining to keep that composure and not let his anger show. 

Ada looking So Done With This Shit when Nines comes back from talking with Gavin outside of the bar

“I’m sure this will be like...every other time.” Oh honey. Oh my sweet child. I am so very sorry. It most definitely will not be.

Ada’s exasperated Eyebrow Raise before taking a drink. If that ain’t the mood sis.

I love Ada’s bat wings on her outfits. 

Gavin being a stalker and putting his hood up. 

“I’m...certain that most of the credit can go to you.” IMMEDIATE ANGER. Must Defend Boyfriend.

I SO WANTED HIM TO SAY “WISDOM” WHILE TALKING ABOUT GAVIN’S SKILLS BECAUSE IT WOULD MIRROR HIM TELLING GAVIN THAT HE ISN’T WISE BEFORE THEY LEFT FOR THE STAKEOUT. He didn’t, but instinct is a better word for Gavin anyways.

Nines has Suspicion™️...press X for doubt... 

*Only vaguely related rant warning*

I do feel that we as a fandom tend to make Connor almost childishly innocent despite him being likely one of the least kind and least innocent characters. The characterization of Nines in this--and pardon me for the off topic rant--where he’s a fully grown man and acts like it is so much more realistic. Nines is a cop, as is Connor. 

Even post deviancy, they were designed and equipped to handle murder. Nines, in a lot of fandom content, tends to come off as an exasperated older brother or a gritty and mean detective, or even worse, essentially a sociopath who feels nothing in contrast to Connor’s childish and extreme innocence. I dislike both. Seeing Nines be a normal fucking person is so relieving, I’m serious. There’s still those elements of ‘oh he’s only been properly alive for like a year, right? He probably doesn’t get Chris’ Casanova reference.’ but it’s not to such an extreme that it overtakes all of his personality traits.

Like, yeah, ok, I get why a lot of fandom content does that. In order to balance what we see Connor do (and in order to further push the Hank as a father line) we over-emphasize the not getting references and such. Honestly I see the same in content for Castiel from Supernatural. Nines, when he’s added, often HAS to be a lot darker in order to make that seem not as jarring and unrealistic.

Doesn’t mean I enjoy it. If you do? That’s great, good for you, but I don’t like seeing those characters be portrayed as such one dimensional extremes. People aren’t like that. On the off chance that someone is such an extreme, there’s still other aspects of their personality.

DE has done an amazing job at not flattening their personalities. Nines and Gavin are three-dimensional and incredibly interesting characters I find myself invested in every time I watch it.

*Onto the commentary again.*

Gavin is still being a stalker

“Particular fascination with the RK line” AHAHA funny. She’s also an RK, and she likely knows more than Nines because her programming is based on information gathering. Her fascination begins and ends with what their programming can do for her.

The little computer details in Ada’s eyes as she copies Nines’ OS, and again in Nines’ eyes when he’s in the alley alone. I believe Michelle did all of that and I am just amazed every time I watch. 

The warped voice effect.

Gavin shifting to hold Nines as soon as he passes out

The ethereal colored lighting is very good for the mood, space hospital vibes

Shoutout to the latex suit they put Maximilian in! That’s not CG! He’s wearing a full body white latex suit. I’m so sorry.

Gavin looks so tired talking to Dr. Maria. His posture is defensive, pulled into himself. Shoulders hunched, arms pulled in. Eye bags, messy hair. Boy looked messed up. Somebody hug him.

Nines’ hair being disheveled and messy in the corrupted Zen Garden, rivaling his assertion that in his ideal world (Aka the normal Zen Garden) his appearance is polished, signifying the loss of control and the loss of the Zen Garden being a safe, ideal space for him. Same concept with Sim!Gavin being corrupted.

Nines: *wakes up in his mindspace*

Also Nines, immediately: GAVIN!!1!!1

Nines believes in CONSENT!! You do not go into someone’s program without asking, ADA.

Ada’s “poor widdle baby” face as Nines is freaking out because she trapped him. Mood.

Tina wearing a low turtleneck and a flannel is Peak Gay, especially next to Gavin “I wear the same leather jacket+hoodie combo every single day and probably the same jeans for a month” Reed, aka the most disastrous and chaotic bisexual I have ever seen. Again, a mood, I honestly felt that one.

The face when Nines realizes that Ada isn’t deviant yet. 

Gavin is blaming himself somebody stop this idiot. 

“Not without Nines.” What a softie.

“The last thing I said to him was ‘I don’t need you’.” BITCH WHAT THE FUCK MY HEART.

Gavin calling Tina “T” in that soft voice is so sweet omg

Ugh the bisexual LIGHTING is KILLING ME, ESPECIALLY as Gavin sits at Nines’ bedside

Tina encouraging Gavin. WLW/MLM solidarity. 

Fun fact: Chris Trindade told Maximilian not to react at all to the big speech but Maximilian literally started crying during it and there’s footage somewhere of the Dramatic Single Tear rolling down his face while he’s still ‘in stasis’.

Yes, I double checked the streams to make sure I got this right, I love the concept though.

Look I cannot get into the speech because I will write 1.5k words on it, but I will say this: It made me cry. The acting, the writing, it’s iconic. The amount of love and devotion they got without even saying the words “I love you” was amazing. Chris is so very talented. 

THERES A TAKE WHERE GAVIN FALLS ASLEEP NEXT TO NINES’ HOSPITAL BED AKSDGAKL IM SCREAMING

Tina is the best wingman ngl

The glitches in Zen Gavin are amazing. The sequence when he’s deleting the Zen Garden is also amazing. I use amazing a lot but it’s deserved.

Nines deleting the Zen Garden and Sim!Gavin is very symbolic of letting go of all of the fake stuff, letting go of the fear he was holding that kept him from confessing to Gavin and I love that

Nines sitting silently straight up. 

Gavin is highly intelligent and I’m so glad Octopunk embraces that. 

*another vaguely related rant warning*

Ok let me tell y’all a thing because this RUINS MY LIFE. People tend to take characters like Percy Jackson or Dean Winchester, whose intelligence isn’t outwardly obvious from the get-go, and remove it entirely. Percy is reduced to an idiot who can’t tie his own shoes and Dean is often shown basically unable to research without Sam. Both of those are bullshit. 

Percy has ADHD and Dyslexia, so when often we categorize smart as only book-smart, Percy’s intelligence as a battle strategist and his actual knowledge gets erased. Dean is usually the more physical and shoot-first-never-ask-questions type, and his intelligence is severely downplayed. He made an EMP detector from scratch. Made a shotgun, remembers how to kill things, is a very good hunter, especially on his own. But that’s thrown away because he’s not book-smart.

I despise when people take characters who are talented and smart in ways that aren’t just reciting the periodic table and reduce them to muscles and angst or drooling children. 

Octopunk having a scene where Gavin is working through a case, already having done the things that Chris, someone who was only recently promoted, suggests, is just affirming Gavin’s intelligence in a way I wish I could be not surprised by. Gavin is smart, and luckily I haven’t seen much downplaying that fact. He’s a detective for a reason. Unfortunately I think it might be because the fandom tends to turn Connor and Nines into actual children, but a win is a win.

Now I’m not saying I don’t love a good himbo character but I literally had to stop interacting with Percy Jackson content because people wrote him as incapable.

*Moving on*

“I think I can help with that.” Bitch why are you so dramatic I love him so much.

Nines’ t-shirt says “Detroit City Marathon” 

“You...undead asshole.” What an iconic line. I need a t-shirt. 

“I...hate you.” “You love me.” Harkens back to the beginning where the roles are reversed. Yes I used that unironically. Words are fun.

Gavin looking scared right before The Kiss™️ 

THE PULSE POINT!! THE SCENE WAS SUPER EMOTIONAL SO MICHELLE WANTED THEM TO DO YOGA ZEN SHIT TO PREPARE AND THEN THEY JUST DID THE THING BUT THEY PUT IN THE PULSE POINT 

ANYWAYS THAT’S WHAT GAVIN IS FEELING FOR ON NINES’ WRIST RIGHT BEFORE THE KISS.

I thought that was cute when I learned it in one of the streams.

Nines’ LED spinning blue when they finally kiss asgladkaf 

“What dipshit programmed you to do that?” “I’m the most advanced android ever made, detective-“ “oh you are such a fuckin’ prick!” “Takes one to know one.” I canNOT with them, I laughed my ASS off

The little broken laugh Nines does

Nines rubbing his hands over Gavin’s while they talk about Gavin’s jacket

Shoutout to Chris’ surprised pikachu face. (Tina is also there) That was a joke take, it’s in the gag reel, too. The face wasn’t supposed to make it into the film but Michelle added it. (In the gag reel, Carla yells “Let’s go to Denny’s!” At the end.) 

And Ada’s leather pants. Honestly?? She’s so pretty. I love her. They’re all really attractive it’s actually terrifying.

Nines and Tina being a part of the Gay Turtleneck Gang

Nines’ untucked turtleneck

Tina being a Smart Girl. (Nines calling her “Officer” and her replying with “I’ll make detective someday.”

Chris being Exhausted during the whole meeting. Me too dude.

Chris and Tina doing literally nothing while Gavin and Nines have a whole heart to heart

The WHITE COAT. Tina in her blues. Chris’ Foo Fighters shirt. They’re such icons but they absolutely look like a group of gay ppl who did NOT decide on a theme.

The fight sequence is impressive, considering that they’re literally not stunt actors. I’m not a fight choreographer or stunt person so That’s really all I have to say on that.

Chris patting Gavin’s gun after he explains what he’s doing. \

As a Jason Todd lover the crowbar is unfortunate (had to, sorry)

Nines’ smirk and the TURTLENECK as he spins away from Ada with the crowbar. Iconic. The Big Dick Energy. Especially for someone who doesn’t have a dick.

Chris being a Dad when Gavin runs off to go stop the body calibration

Ada just YEETS Gavin. Iconic.

Ada: *doing the villain “you won’t shoot me, you’re too moral” thing*

Chris: Shut the fuck up *shoots her*

Deviancy sequence, iconic

“You’re awake now” bitch get your own tag line, Markus became Robot Jesus for this shit

He’s HOLDING HER HAND while DEFENDING HER!! PLATONIC HAND HOLDING

Gavin trusting Nines’ decision immediately. Amazing. THAT’S LOVE BITCH.

The SMILES after Ada leaves!! They know they made the right choice!

Ugh the COLOR SYMBOLISM!! This is one thing that Michelle has touched on herself! Gavin isn’t wearing white in this scene because he’s not ‘fixed’, he never will be! He has trauma and he’s just barely beginning to heal from it with Nines’ help. He’s wearing grey, lighter than his usual, but still grey because they aren’t pure or innocent and they’re not perfect!! And that’s the fucking point!! It’s also a contrast against Sim!Gavin wearing white! Sim!Gavin was an idealized version of Gavin in Nines’ idealized world!! Real Gavin isn’t that!! So he’s wearing grey!!

Gavin immediately understanding that Nines is Ace and that it’s ok!! Beautiful!

“You’ve been a whole person since the day you woke up” YES!! YOU DO NOT NEED SEX TO BE WHOLE!! FUCK YEAH!!! (this is ace excitement. In the months since writing this I realized I’m aro-ace and trans so fuck yeah for ace rep.) 

Gavin being a dick and making Nines tell him about the skin thing

THE KISS!! They slowly move more into the light!! Because they’re getting better TOGETHER!!

Ok before I sign off, it’s only 3 am so I think I’m awake enough to talk about this, I like that they bring up that Gavin has like, actual issues that he needs to get through. Let’s be 100% honest here, I see Gavin as having ADHD, depression, and probably a form or symptoms of PTSD. He’s kinda fucked up and I’m gonna be real here he needs some therapy. He’s got trauma and needs to work through it. 

I like that at the end they explicitly have Nines understand and accept that that’s what needs to happen. As someone who has actually had relationships ruined because of trauma (on both sides) that we were unprepared to work through together, if I had seen something like that? Game changer. As it was, most relationships I had seen were idealized and seemed to “fix” those issues by way of just being in a relationship. Thanks major media. 

Now that the Detroit Evolution post series is over, I’m gonna be a bit sentimental and say that this film quite literally changed my life. Seriously. Michelle is such a big inspiration for me and I can only hope to be the same for someone else. 

If you ever have a chance to check out any of the amazing people who worked on this film, please do. To put into context how big this was: I changed my ideal college major from Forensics to Film. 

That’s it that’s all, ending this post at 3:24 am before I literally start crying over it. Thanks for suffering through my long-winded explanations, I hope you enjoyed. Have a wonderful day.

[thesaltyace]

big rant/ramble below, you can safely ignore and move on to the next post in your feed.

Urgh

I shared the results of that autism screener with a quasi-friend who I thought would be "safe" (we used to work together and we connected over his being gay and me being visibly queer) but his response was blergh

Everyone has hints of autism.

okay yeah but this isn't just *hints* of autism. I'm answered yes to symptoms I've had since I was a kid that I've learned to mask or work around as an adult. But I still struggle with them.

He pointed out that he sees me as more ADHD than ASD.

Yeah, fair, and I'd need to see a professional to try to distinguish if my symptoms are ADHD, ASD, or both.

You don't hit the three prongs needed for a diagnosis.

But.... but I do. And the stuff I dealt with as a kid is still stuff I deal with today. I just mask it better. A short and not exhaustive list:

As I kid I had trouble interacting with peers. I didn't have friends, really. I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't try terribly hard to. I acquire friends when someone else "adopts" me and decides that we are friends. And once I became an adult, I have almost never had friends of my own - I share a friend group with my spouse who we're primary connected to through him. I'm okay with that. Maintaining a friendship entirely on my own power sounds impossible and exhausting.

I was okay with not having friends, I liked being alone, but my mom insisted on me being social. She made me join things so that I would have a list of people to invite to parties. I'd honestly have preferred a day of doing stuff I like or just a couple friends. As an adult, I want to be alone on my birthday. I will celebrate with certain friends, separately, usually over a quiet meal. That's it.

I had trouble understanding sarcasm and figurative speech. Like, I understand it now but I still think most figurative speech is annoying. I've been told the way I deliver sarcasm is weird, too.

I liked memorizing movies and quoting them start to finish, I thought it was fun but everyone else thought it was weird. I continued to do this into adulthood but I only quote aloud when I'm alone. Alamo Drafthouse quote-alongs are the BEST. I don't do this with every movie, either, just ones I really like.

Okay actually I also liked to listen to the same album or, in some cases, the same song over and over until I was sick of it (and sometimes even after that point). I mean, just endlessly looping on repeat. Not interspersed with other songs. I do this as an adult a LOT because it's easier with headphones to do this without annoying everyone else around you. Like, often it's fine for me to just put a playlist on shuffle, but I get into Moods where I just want the one album/song over and over. Yesterday I listened to Wellerman about 50 times in a row and only stopped because I had to get up and do something else and that song wasn't "good" for whatever I got up to do.

My special interest as a kid was cats. Literally everything cats, all the time - I sought out obscure facts and could tell you the difference between similar species, and wanted cats involved in literally everything I did. Adults laughed it off as childhood obsession. I was also pretty obsessed with the solar system. I thought asking my peers, as a trivia question, which of Jupiter's moons had its own asteroid (Io, in case you were wondering) was appropriate and interesting and was confused that they didn't know that. That was in fifth grade.

I watched the weather channel for fun. I would watch it for hours and absorb the weekly forecast info just... for fun? I never used it, could never tell you if you should dress a certain way or bring an umbrella or whatever. Everyone thought it was weird.

I was a know-it-all and literally could not stop myself from bluntly correcting people who were wrong. Didn't know or care that it was "rude". I'm still that way but I've learned how to sometimes swallow the urge long enough to find a more tactful way to point it out (but often fail).

I could read on my own before kindergarten, used vocabulary beyond what one would expect for my age, and had a special interest in spelling and grammar throughout my school years. I did not understand how other people weren't interested in learning about it and getting it right. I read at an undergrad level by 4th grade.

I hated loud noises and often covered my ears to block out irritating sounds. I could also hear high pitched noises that even other kids didn't seem to hear (or at least weren't bothered by them). Too much noise sent me into an internal meltdown, I'd just kinda shut down because I couldn't deal with it.

Textures and pressure on my skin bothered the absolute fuck out of me - sock seams, certain fabric materials, socks that weren't equally elastic, one shoe tighter than the other, tags.... all of that. (Also, fun anecdote I just unlocked - when I was 4 or 5 my grandmother started letting me use the soft silk sleep shirt she had as a young woman because I preferred it to anything else. Soft, smooth, no irritating qualities. Bliss. I wanted to wear it all the time.)

Don't get me started on food. Until I was in COLLEGE I mostly subsisted on pasta with either butter or alfredo sauce and chicken. I would eat other things, but pasta and/or chicken was (and still is) my biggest safe/comfort food. I'd eat other stuff mostly if I could control the balance of ingredients, get it made plain, or could confirm the texture wouldn't be offensive (so, like... plain burgers, plain cheese pizza, grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.) I cannot stress this enough - from childhood through COLLEGE I did this. As a kid my mom had to make me a completely separate dish most nights to get me to eat something. My spouse was horrified at what little variety I ate. The only reason I eat so much variety now is that he knows what I do/don't like and tells me in advance if I'll find a texture or taste offensive. Of course, rather than wanting consistent texture like I did when I was younger, I now seek as much texture as possible (so long as they aren't Bad textures) so.... that's fun. But yeah most of my objections to Yucky foods is due to T E X T U R E. Even if I like the taste, the texture overrides it all.

I prefer animals to people. I will seek out animals and interact with them instead of people in the same room. And will pointedly focus on the animal to avoid interacting with people.

I'm perfectly happy with only myself for company. Being with just my spouse counts as me being "alone" though. Always has. I just realized last night that it's because I do minimal to no masking around him because he's a safe person to unmask with and always has been. Never batted an eye at the weird shit I do beyond asking questions about what I was doing or why. And then just "Okay."

Okay honestly just the fact that I want to vent into the void of tumblr instead of actually discussing this with a person - even my spouse! - pretty effectively shows how little it occurs to me to interact with other people directly. o_0

And there are so many more things that I won't list here because I could just go on and on. And like, sure, some of this may certainly overlap with ADHD but my point is that I have enough to point to ASD that it doesn't feel like having a "hint" of autism. And who knows - maybe it is mostly just ADHD and CPTSD stuff interacting in weird ways. Could be!

But just because I can make small talk and make eye contact and do the "normal" shit and I can interact "normally" doesn't mean I LIKE it. I had to LEARN to do those things to avoid having bad social interactions. When I'm by myself or with my spouse, I behave very differently than I do around anyone else. ANYONE. It's not just slightly changing my behavior depending on who I'm with - it's completely suppressing how I naturally would do things if left to my own devices.

Like, the things we recommended to our autistic students who wanted to know how to interact in ways that would help them blend in/be accepted by others ARE THE EXACT THINGS I ALREADY DO. Like, it did not occur to me at the time that neurotypicals literally do not have to think about doing those things. I thought, ah, these students just need to be told what the tricks are. Other people figure these tricks out on their own. It did not occur to me that other people, in fact, do not learn these tricks because they naturally do that behavior. They do not have to actively think about learning the trick, period. I literally thought other people also have to think as hard as I do about interactions. Evidently not.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little upset about the reaction I got from him because I'm like.... honestly, a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change a lot about how I do things or think of things. But it would make me feel better about interacting with and participating in autism-related stuff if I am actually autistic. I realize I can use the resources and supports meant for ASD regardless, and for formal supports anything I can access due to my ADHD diagnosis likely covers anything I'd need for ASD. But having a diagnosis opens up more community. Right now I'm like yeah I'm ADHD but I totally relate to this ASD content. But I'm not going to interact much because I feel like I don't have the right to join in since idk if I do have ASD.

idk I have a lot of feelings. I had a bad email about the trans insurance coverage thing yesterday and I'm not in a great headspace, but finding out me and my spouse both scored very high on the autism screening stuff was honestly a high point because we ended up sharing a lot of how we view and interact with the world that was very eye-opening about why we interact the way we do, how we relate to others (and how other people think we're weird for how we relate to others), and just...everything. And having someone be skeptical after I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I DON'T have ASD only to conclude that at the very least, I should probably be evaluated because I can't reasonably rule it out. Like, most people do not wonder if they have autism. The fact that I am spending this much time looking into it and trying to find examples to disprove it only to find I overwhelmingly can't in virtually every single diagnostic category.... just..... dismissing it outright is kinda hurtful.

Like, I recognize that ADHD symptoms overlap a fair bit, but seriously. My spouse (who definitively does not have ADHD) scored almost identically to me and we vibed on almost everything when we compared answers. We see most things similarly. We have similar areas of confusion about other people and for fundamentally similar reasons. I can't imagine all of the stuff that points to ASD for me is just ADHD in disguise, not when I vibe THAT HARD with someone else. Spouse does not vibe with me on ADHD content. At all. He can appreciate it since he does live with me, after all, and observes whatever's being discussed. But he doesn't vibe with it. He vibes with autism content, though. And I vibe with both.

idk this rant ended in rambling and I'm just going to go listen to Inside on repeat for a couple hours while I try to calm down a bit. o_0

[threelivesthreeworlds]

Anonymous asked: Hello sorry if I was unclear. What I meant to say is that most people have a superficial view on intimacy of any sort, and so while I love Tang Qi's portrayal of romance, I hate most people's physicality-obsessed interpretations. Dunno if it's a western thing, but fanfiction is so out of alignment with canon romance themes that the characters are barely recognisable anymore. (1/4)

Secondly, Most readers/viewers do not give characters like Yehua or Lian Song a chance before making stereotypical assumptions about them. I love their real personalities, flaws and all, but I hate the sheer hyperexaggeration the fandom makes out of it (e.g. hating on Ji Heng). People just cannot see a character as a whole but put them into one category or the other. (2/4)

Thirdly, I just added that I relate to Lian Song(depression etc) because I kinda share his views on romance/love and don't really care for physical aspects that much. I'm aware he's a playboy, but he's also not a stereotypical one (which is unfortunately how most people interpret him) so it's a relief that your blog instead backs up my interpretation of him with facts. (3/4)

Lastly, I'm so sorry for ranting in the Q & A section. Making several points with a word limit really compromises what I'm trying to say 😆. But the bottom line was that fandoms' misinterpretations of your favourite characters makes it hard to see them in an objective light again. (4/4)  

(this 4th one came in after most of our answers were done, so we apologize if it comes off a little ??? we weren’t aware of the end goal for the anons received. We mean no ill-will in how we come across, just elaborating on things and we hope that’s alright with you. <3)

(Admin Lin): Hey! Thanks for sharing your opinions, though these anons are starting to get a little haughty for our own comfort to continue addressing. Both admins have our own grievances with the fandom / how it views particular characters (Ji Heng being a prime example here), however the fandom still offers plenty of good things from it. This is not only a western fandom “issue” (I say as this physicality isn’t necessarily an issue), it can be found in the eastern fandom as well for not only this series but others as well. Both admins are in fact western fandom despite Admin Ro being Asian.  

        As for when it comes down to interpretations - Peach Blossoms is written in first person and hard to find on the western side of the internet; Yehua has an extra from his perspective but that’s the only direct contact we get with him that isn’t through Bai Qian’s eyes. Qian isn’t a romantic person nor does she necessarily find what he does romantic, she’s been engaged to him for so long she kind of considered their engagement troublesome due to her past experience with his Uncle Sang Ji. When it comes to the drama’s take of Yehua, we get a clearer idea of him but at the same time it’s easy to see where others can’t grasp him in his entirety or simplify things when in a fanfiction. Or, for the likes of me, knows what he’s like but can’t formulate a more articulate summary or introspective version of him because of his extensive complexities and in some ways, the knowledge of a Chinese household of some fashion to express the intricacies of his upbringing. It’s merely harder. 

         In the case of Lian Song - the Western fandom doesn’t have access to the information that can be found on this blog as easily because Lotus Step is in the middle of a hiatus but will continue serializing by next year. So, it’s no one’s fault for misunderstanding what kind of playboy he is since that was only addressed in the fall of last year and the dramas both make it clear he’s a playboy / amorous person but never elaborates on it. So it’s an easy assumption to make that he may be a typical playboy by fans of the other available media because he’s not featured beyond Yehua’s uncle or Donghua’s best friend with touches here and there of his connection to Cheng Yu. It’s only in his novel that we get to see a different side of him that will ultimately have a shift at some point to what we see 50,000 years down the line. So, I’m not actually bothered by this myself, personally. It is bound to happen because no one on the western side of the fandom has as much access or want to read an untranslated novel. 

        With TQ’s stance on romance writing, I will say the concept of eternal love or a love that lasts 3,000 lifetimes is a very Chinese one that unless one digs through it with patience and interest in Buddhism / other Eastern religions, that it can be a harder nuance to grasp for those unfamiliar. 

(Admin Ro): We’re sorry you’ve had bad experiences with “fanon” material. We’re thankful that you like the content on this blog enough to comment on it! These are my opinions on the whole affair: as a Chinese woman who reads Chinese novels, from a perspective of writing tropes, hyper-exaggeration is already frequently utilized...in canon. And - from a personal standpoint, when the tropes hit right, I - don’t necessarily mind. Depth can be dug out of the text, but it’s understandable for people to simplify when they’re simply writing or analyzing for their enjoyment.  

        I’m ace, so maybe I understand, Nonny, when you say that you don’t care for the physical aspects of love.  I personally, in my life, don’t necessarily want or need that kind of intimacy, and I don’t find myself straying into the smut tag too often to read about it as it stretches my comfort limits. Granted, I am not sex-repulsed, and it takes a great deal to upset me - however, if everything is in layers and someone enjoys writing smut, then they simply enjoy that layer. Romance isn’t less good and interpretations aren’t less good if there’s a degree of physicality in it. Heck, Admin Lins and I have discussed extensively the physicality of these books - we keep it off the blog 80% of the time because tagging, but it’s a present theme. And, all of us enjoy different things. At the end of the day I think we can’t say the tropes aren’t good when the tropes are the lead-ins that drew us into the more extensive stories.

         Furthermore, a lot of what is on this blog is “read,”and I will never say my read of a character or a part of canon is “right” - or that it's “right”-er than someone else’s. Yes, there’s room for passionate debate as evidenced by many, many essays, but I’m not upset when I can’t change anyone’s mind. People are not automatically wrong when they disagree with me - even if there’s textual evidence, there is difference in interpretation of that textual evidence. I understand why fandom thinks the way it does - though, you’ll have to forgive me, my brain is 90% of the time focused on Pillow Book. Regardless, whether you walk out of a book thinking “this character has this much depth and this many flaws” or “this character is just a flat out antagonist” is very much dependent on you. Yes, we as a blog synthesize textual evidence to make that synthesis easier, but ultimately we are no better judges of anyone’s personality than anyone else out in the fandom.

         Rather, I think sometimes for the sake of finding reasons or understanding, or when we look for evidence fitting our own assumptions about characters sometimes we lean into a softer read, maybe entirely without realizing it. This is a big no in the world of analytical writing for the sake of, ironically “objectivity”  - but this is for enjoyment and not academia. There are times when textual evidence is untouched by the author's tone in terms of connotation and so when we take it for our reading and we have our pre-formed opinions we fall a little more between the lines. Admin Lins and I obviously differ in where this happens as we each have our own, minutely different vibes for characters in question. We know where our confirmation biases in interpretation might lie. Everyone has those. 

         Up till about February or March this year, I, like a lot of the rest of this fandom, wanted to roast Ji Heng on a spitfire. That is my bias. We are humans, and I think we are perhaps incapable of reading something and staying entirely objective to each character. I clawed my way out of my bias (I say ‘clawed’ because it was difficult), however, by looking at the book, looking at my own opinions, looking at other people’s opinions and asking myself: which parts of this is most likely to be true? I think the only way of striving toward objectivity in terms of portrayal is to consider other people’s portrayals, even if you don’t like them - and see if there’s any truth you can see past your bias. And to accept that truth, even if it’s a hard pill to swallow.

         I guess what I have been trying to say, for this entire time, is that we are not the authority on what is and isn’t objective, on what is and isn’t right in these characters, interpretations, and this blog. We are glad to be an interpretation you enjoy - but that doesn’t mean the rest of the fandom who have different opinions are wrong or misinterpretations. I realize we can come across like that sometimes because we make salty memes and because we write long paragraph essays when we have opinions, but ultimately, no one is wrong. Our bubble of enjoyment is our bubble, and no one has to agree with us.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 2 of 26

Title: City of Saints and Madmen (Ambergris #1) (2002)

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Weird, Short Story Collection (kinda), Horror, Fantasy, Metafiction, Mushroompunk (yeah), LGBT Protagonist, First Person, Second Person (sort of), Third Person, Unreliable Narrator.

Rating: 8/10 

Date Began: 1/7/2020

Date Finished: 1/17/2020

This edition of City of Saints and Madmen is a collection of 4 short stories and a massive “appendiX” of other stories/notable worldbuilding pieces, all of which explore a fictional city called Ambergris. Ambergris’ world is not unlike our own, with technology that somewhat mirrors ours, but is nevertheless distinctly surreal and fantastical. One Ambergris’ most notable elements are creatures called the gray caps (or “mushroom dwellers”), who are basically humanoid mushroom people that play a role in each of the stories. 

More details and a look at each of the stories under the cut. 

Surely, after all, it is more comforting to believe that the sources on which this account is based are truthful, that this has not all, in fact, been one huge, monstrous lie? And with that pleasant thought, O Tourist, I take my leave for good. 

I’ve read VanderMeer before-- the Southern Reach trilogy (which he’s most well known for) is one of my favorite series of all time. While I haven’t seen it yet, the film Annihilation is loosely based on the first book, and I hear it’s quite good as well. This will be my first foray into other stuff he’s written.

While this may put some people off, one thing I really liked about this book was it DIDN’T paint a clear picture of Ambergris. Each of the stories focus on particular details their respective protagonists find important, so the view we have of the city is always incomplete. There are tenuous and sometimes contradictory connections between the stories that often made me wonder what’s true/real, a recurring theme throughout the stories. Several of the stories are works of fiction within Ambergris, which skews perceptions even further. To me, all of this made the setting much more interesting, and the actual revelations more rewarding.

My personal favorite stories were The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris, The Transformation of Martin Lake, King Squid, and The Cage. I’ll go into more detail on all the individual pieces under the cut, but rating them individually doesn’t much sense due to the weird format.

The Main 4 Stories 

Dradin, In Love 

An unsuccessful missionary priest named Dradin comes to Ambergris to plead assistance from a former mentor. However, when he spots an unknown woman through the window of a shop, he becomes convinced he is in love and becomes obsessed with her. As an event called the Festival of the Freshwater Squid looms, the city itself begins to change in startling ways. 

From what I can tell skimming other reviews, this one trips people up because Dradin is just... a piece of shit. He’s terrible. There are some sympathetic traits to him -- he’s a fish out of water with no one to help him, he had a traumatic childhood, etc. But the more you learn about him the worse he becomes. He believes he’s superior to pretty much everyone he meets, has committed various atrocities you gradually learn about in the story, and he believes he’s in love with someone he’s never met and spends a great deal of the story fantasizing about her and their future relationship. It’s pathetic-- but it seemed pretty clear to me I’m not supposed to like him, so I read the story knowing that. 

Anyway, this wasn’t my favorite, but it is an interesting introduction to Ambergris. It’s from the perspective of an outsider, so alongside Dradin you learn things about the city such as the various religious sects, the gray caps, and the Festival. It is jarring when the Festival starts out as this whimsical parade and then goes full Purge for the rest of the story. That feeling pretty much lasts the rest of the book. 

The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris 

The conceit of this one is that it’s a travel pamphlet written for tourists to provide a quick rundown of Ambergris’ early history. But the writer Duncan Shriek is so obsessed and passionate about the subject that he goes into way more detail than necessary. He also makes extensive use of the footnotes (often longer than the actual page) to (1) insult the reader, who he assumes is a stupid tourist who will skip them, (2) go on long rants about various other historians, and (3) go into intricate, intense detail or speculation about seemingly innocuous things in the main text. Honestly relatable. 

Personally, I love a good history text, so a well-done fictional one is lots of fun. The stylistic choices are engaging and a great characterization tool. The “story” really came together for me in the third act. Super eerie and surreal, and a lot of details about the gray caps and a vast underground kingdom-- but there’s still a sense of unreality, because the account exploring this may or may not be a fake. Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. 

The Transformation of Martin Lake

This one is technically two stories at once. Martin Lake is an unknown painter looking to make his big break in Ambergris, when he receives an anonymous letter inviting him to a beheading. Alternating with these novel sections are excerpts written by art critic Janice Shriek (recognize the name?) which analyze the creepy and grotesque paintings made by Martin Lake-- Ambergris’ most famous artist. 

This piece was by far my favorite of the main four. Janice evaluates various paintings created by Lake and speculates on the meanings behind them. The Gothic horror story sections star Martin, and the events within reveal the true origins of each painting. The horror story is very creepy and well written, and I really like Martin more than most of the protagonists. It’s also amusing to see just how incorrect Janice’s analyses are. Overall this was a very well structured and entertaining read. (Side note: to whom it may concern, this is where the LGBT Protagonist tag comes from.)

Also, Janice and her brother are apparently the central characters in the next book? I enjoyed both of them so I'm excited for that.

The Strange Case of X

A psychiatrist interviews a mental patient known simply as X, who believes he has invented the world of Ambergris, and he’s actually from a place called Chicago. 

I'm torn on this one because I feel I accidentally ruined it for myself. The premise sounds like a pretty cliche setup, but there's a  twist at the end that keeps it interesting. The only problem is I went into the story assuming that twist was the case. It's not even like I guessed it or picked up on hints or whatever... I just assumed the twist for whatever reason, so I got to the reveal and was just like "...yeah?" 

Anyway, this one’s a good read, just not my favorite. X is obviously a fictionalized version of VanderMeer. I didn’t find him as important in the context of this story, but notes found in his cell make up the appendiX. I *did* really enjoy the story excerpt within this one that starts like a children’s book with very simple sentences, then slowly evolves into more complex language over time until it’s like the rest of the book. The swap between third and first-person in the story, then the narrator commending himself on how clever he is, was pretty funny and good characterization. 

The appendiX 

Dr V’s Note + X’s Notes 

Technically this is 2 “stories” but they’re presented together. Dr V’s note is just an outline of the stories in the appendiX, which are apparently various notes, pamphlets, writing journal excerpts, and pieces of paper he found in X’s cell. He speculates on the meaning behind some of them. It’s a handy reference that I turned back to a few times. X’s Notes are literally just some misc author’s notes/ideas. The final note, though, draws back to the surreal scene I mentioned from The Hoegbotton Guide, which implies it is in fact real. 

The Release of Belacqua 

This one is about an actor named Belacqua who’s been typecast into a specific role, which he plays every single day. One evening at his hotel room home, he gets a super weird phone call from a woman looking for someone named Henry. Based on what happens in the story, I’m guessing Belacqua was probably supposed to be a character in one of the stories but got scrapped, and this story is literally about scrapping him. It was kinda meh for me. 

King Squid 

No, I’m not transcribing the entire title of this one -- it’s, uh, quite long. This one is sort of like The Hoegbotton Guide, except it’s a biological treatise written by a man named Frederick Madnok about the King Squid, which is Ambergris’ main economic staple. Like The Hoegbotton Guide, the author goes into intricate detail on what he considers important and makes extensive use of footnotes. The thing is, Madnok is clearly going through a nervous breakdown as he writes, and the footnotes and tangents grow weirder over time, often delving into vague memories and details about his home life as a child. 

I think this one really shines when you get to the bibliography and notice it’s longer than the rest of the story and seems to list every single book Madnok has ever read. Personally I found a lot of the titles funny, but you could be forgiven for skipping them. However, certain titles have side notes, supposedly to point out notable things about them. Some of these, however, are disturbing and clearly unrelated to the title. Eventually, Madnok goes into a full breakdown and starts to describe himself transforming into a squid -- a phenomenon he described earlier in the text. His breakdown, juxtaposed with the absolutely immaculate formatting of the story, really made this one stand out to me. 

The Hoegbotton Family History

The Hoegbottons are a merchant family. Their company Hoegbotton & Sons is basically the Wal-Mart of Ambergris and is present through multiple stories. This text is interesting for some context for the next story, but not particularly notable on its own. V’s notes at the beginning say as much. 

The Cage

One of the early Hoegbottons visits a mansion which has been condemned after an attack by the gray caps to purchase the remaining assets to resell. Among the items he finds a strange, seemingly empty birdcage which he can’t stop obsessing over. 

This was my favorite story by a long shot. It was insanely creepy and surreal with the best visuals in the book. There are references everywhere to fungi and decay, and there’s something very odd going on with Hoegbotton’s blind wife that defies explanation. And obviously, the cage itself and what’s going on with it is very disturbing. Contains very very very good body horror which is apparently just A Thing for me. Of all the stories this one had the most Southern Reach-y vibe. 

In The Hours After Death 

This one describes what happens to a man after he dies, and it’s not quite what you think. It’s a short piece and I liked the writing; very melancholy and surreal. It’s one of those stories that just incidentally takes place in Ambergris, but would be a good story outside of it, too. Until the end, that is, which ties it back to the gray caps in another creepy way. Thanks. 

The Man Who Had No Eyes 

This one is notable because apparently, in the original release, it was written entirely in code. You had to use page numbers, paragraph numbers, and lines in the rest of the book to decode it. Because this edition is an updated re-release which shifted the pages and format around, it doesn’t work anymore. Instead Dr. V provides a decoded version. However, some of the words are wrong, and the final paragraph is still in code (supposedly because V was afraid to keep going). I had to look up the story online to get the full picture. 

Anyway, I suspect this story is foreshadowing for stuff that’s going to happen in future installments. It describes the gray caps taking the city back over and flooding it, and how they mutilate a writer living in the city so he has to find alternative ways to keep writing. It mentions the goddamn cage again. It’s kind of fever-dream creepy. 

The Exchange 

Depicts a short story about the Festival of the Freshwater Squid (remember that?). Apparently this story is provided by Hoegbotton & Sons for people who purchase a safe house to avoid getting straight-up murdered during the Festival. The story itself is entertaining and has a great twist at the end, but what’s interesting is someone’s made extensive annotations to the piece describing the fallout between the author and illustrator. I found it most fun to read the base story, then go back and read the annotations-- it felt like I was seeing the same story from very different perspectives. 

Learning to Leave the Flesh 

This one’s referenced in The Strange Case of X. Unlike every other story, this actually doesn’t take place in Ambergris, but our world. However, like The Strange Case of X mentions, details and names from Ambergris seemingly appeared in the story even though he had no recollection of putting them there. 

Honestly, it’s an OK work of fiction but was probably my least favorite. Mostly it felt like lengthy flavor text for a story I’d already read. The ending was pretty good, though. 

The Ambergris Glossary + A Note on Fonts  

Putting these two together. The Glossary actually answered a lot of questions I had and clarified some events from the various stories. (”What the fuck is with the Living Saints. What the absolute fuck-- oh.”) It’s implied that some of the entries are written by Duncan Shriek. Hi, again. 

A Note on Fonts describes the various fonts from different stories as if it’s a wine tasting, which was hilarious. 

[corpus-chorus]

A dev’s insight to tumblr’s updates

Alright guys. I’m sorry to make this long-ass discourse post when I’d really much rather just be doing my art reblogs and basking in my warm community, but I feel this needs to happen, because a lot of you may not be aware of what goes into updates like this.

To be clear - I’m not making any comment about the color change itself. It doesn’t actually bother me, seems kind of silly to flip a lid about when there’s plenty of extensions to fix it if you don’t like it, but I get the annoyance of having something familiar change into something that makes you uncomfortable, especially with no warning.

But then I started to see a bunch of rants on how shitty this update is when there were so many bugs that needed to be fixed instead, and I just need to take a moment to address app development in general, because y’all seem fairly misinformed about the whole thing.

So let’s get one thing straight - bug fixing is not easy.

Yeah, that sounds like a copout, doesn’t it?

But let’s talk about how bug fixing works, alright? Because there’s a couple of things we gotta look at when considering changes like this.

How much code is needed to fix the bug? Yeah, this one’s pretty straight forward, right? How many lines of code do the devs have to write to fix whatever’s broken? Except you’re forgetting the time it takes to find the bug in the first place. And this isn’t about popping into one file and looking through the lines until you see what’s broken. Bugs aren’t just typos. Bugs are NOT easy to find. Generally, if I’m working on a bug, and it takes me 4 days to fix, 3 of those days were probably spent just defining exactly where the bug came from and the places it exists. And that’s with me being super familiar with the codebase. If I didn’t already know that the core value displayed on the groupings page was coming from the hciReplacements inspector (out of 30-some inspectors), which is pulling data from the hagi, which is pulling and calculating data from the clip model, of which I know the exact layout, it probably would have taken me double or triple that time. And now, on top of that, what if the bug is an extreme edge case no one thought about when they built the core code? I might have to rewrite the entire functionality of the thing that pulls all that data, and holy hot hell is that gonna take some time.

How much QA effort is required? Contrary to popular belief, no, developers don’t just make bug fixes and immediately push them out to the app. It’s gotta be tested, usually by some sort of QA/QC team. And, fun fact, QA can take longer than the development did. Because the QA team is looking for EVERY POSSIBLE USE CASE of the exact thing you’re working on. Every single possible way a user might interact with that. That takes a skilled worker to think of all of those possible use cases (and spoiler alert, they’re human, so they still fuck up sometimes), and it takes them time to find them all.

But ON TOP of that, you also have a LOT of unexpected consequences to code changes. Maybe you just needed to update to cores count so that it’s the total cores on a node instead of total cores per processor, but you didn’t realize that another part of the code was assuming that value was cores per processor, and congrats, you’ve screwed the values all through the rest of the app.

And that’s just a data example. You can make critical errors if, say, you rename a value, and miss one of the places that value’s used, so now that value doesn’t exist in that specific scenario, and congratulations, you’ve actually caused your app to crash if the user follows a specific series of actions, and oops, looks like that set of actions wasn’t one QA thought of, so now users get to find it instead. You were just trying to fix a little data bug, and you’ve now broken the entire app. Good job.

How old is the codebase? Why is this important, you ask? Well, if you’re not in the industry, you may have never been introduced to the idea of “legacy code”. Legacy code is, to over-simplify, old code. It’s code that’s been around for a while. It’s code that dozens of people have had their hands in and is therefor a bit of a mess, no matter how hard you try to keep it clean, or how well organized your team is. Because maybe Eric built that one file really well to start with, and Suzy made some great additions to it, and Tom just made a few bug fixes, but he names variables a little differently, so Jason didn’t realize that the function he needed already existed when he went to build it a few months down the line, so now there’s two versions of the same thing, one used in one place, one used in another, and when Meredith goes to fix a bug related to it, she doesn’t realize she has to fix it both places, and wow, that is a bit of a mess, isn’t it?

The codebase I’m working in currently is about a year and a half old now, maybe a little more. When our first version was released, our codebase was 51,714 lines of code long. As of today, it is 357,932 lines long. With new features on the horizon, it will continue to grow, and the web of dependencies tangled through the codebase will get bigger and more complex. This is just a fact.

So keep in mind that that’s an app that’s about 1.5 years old. Tumblr was launched in, what, 2007 or something? That’s 11 years. 11 fucking years of coding, of dozens, if not hundreds, of people contributing to the codebase, in their own coding style, with their own knowledge levels. This is like if a team of 100 writers was working on a fic series for 11 years, and they didn’t all get to work together, and not everyone took notes. You’re gonna have plot holes. You’re gonna have inconsistencies. Shit’s gonna be messy.

And then there’s the pinnacle question. 

How much do the devs care? How much you wanna bet a lot of the devs on this site started out with a genuine passion for it? How many do you think worked long past the hours they were getting paid for just to make sure they were making something they could be proud of? How excited do you think it used to make them to release new features, and get to see it make people’s lives better?

When you care about a project, you think beyond the exact task you were given. You think about the impact every line of code you write is going to have. on the users. Because you want the users to enjoy the app. You want them to be happy with it. You want all the work you put into it to mean something.

When you care, you make less bugs. When you care, you don’t get lazy and just make temporary fixes. When you care, you put your heart and soul into your work.

How much heart and soul do you think the Tumblr devs want to put into this site at this point? When every single update, every single effort they put in, is met with criticism and hatred? When they’re told that nothing they do is ever good enough? How much do you think the devs care about getting everything perfect and on time and working themselves to tears on this site when they know damn well that the second they release an update, it’s going to be met with nothing but hatred and ignorant people treating them as if their hundred of hours of effort were stupid?

If I was a dev for this site, I’d hate my fucking job.

So let’s review. When you ask for bug fixes, I promise, there is someone on that team very concerned about addressing that bug fix. When you complain that tags are borked, or searching is shit, or whatever you get frustrated with that day, I promise, some dev is already working their tits off trying to find exactly what it’s going to take to fix that for you.

But understand that, that ask? That ask that might seem super simple and straight-forward to you from your comfortable couch? But it might take a team of devs working ungodly hours for months to be able to do. It might carry risks as high as accidentally deleting posts or banning blogs or breaking the entire bloody site. So they wanna spend some time and get that shit right so that you’re not stuck with something even worse than the bug they were fixing.

The people working on these bug fixes are human beings. We seem to remember that about everyone else in the goddamn world, but not the people who work tirelessly to give us the very site that we’re having these conversations on right now.

This update? Yeah, it might seem trivial to you. It might seem like they’re “wasting their time” with “stupid bullshit” when they could be fixing bugs.

But let me make it very clear. They’re trying to fix the bugs. They’re trying to stop the porn bots (and oh, fucking boy, I could make an entire post just about how insanely difficult that is, because some of you people seem to think the devs are fucking GODS or something). And maybe this update is stupid to you, but I can tell you right now, having this update right here is not the reason these things are not going to be fixed tomorrow. This is the frontend team making an aesthetic change - I promise it didn’t stop the backend team from their tireless work to fix the tags.

so tl;dr Fixing Tumblr’s bugs is not some simple, do-it-in-a-month, just-get-more-devs fix. And tearing into this release is doing nothing but reminding the probably very tired dev team that their work means absolutely dick to a large portion of ungrateful fucks on this site.

Complain about bugs. Tell Tumblr about their bugs. Make sure they know. And then sit the fuck down and wait - they’re fucking trying.

[dearlytea]

This was a message I sent a few months ago to a friend when I just made my Tumblr account. The question she asked me was “Do you expect to get any followers on Tumblr? Or meet anyone there?”

Of course I didn’t believe her and thought I wouldn’t do shit here.... Yet here we are today celebrating my birthday/first milestone on this blog. Wow, never knew my 69th birthday would involve Tumblr... 

I’ve learned a lot during my time here, and it’s still scary to believe that I was one decision away from not meeting all the friends I adore now. Besides learning how to use this god garbage website I was also able to learn a lot more about myself from all of the mutuals I’ve met here. How? Cause I was able to connect with many people and be myself without feeling the need to cover up the parts of me that I thought were ugly.  Although, I know this is only the beginning of my time here, but it’s still a huge milestone for someone with low expectations to begin with. 

So in all thank you to all of my lovely mutuals/friends. Whether we talk on a daily basis or not I love each and every one of you, and I hope for the mutuals that I’m silent with that one day we can start chatting and get to know each other better (although you might have to be the one to message first cause my ass is still anxious as F U C C)

Anyways yeah... I love all of you dearly

KNEE SLAP

Edit: Apparently some people didn’t get the notification for the tag? Fuck you Tumblr So I had to go over the names again just to be sure... Sorry if you got another notification or something! zzzz

Legend

♔ = Special babies  →  (Look for your special little message)

❥ = My baby mutuals  → ilysm bls don’t think i don’t cause I actually do but I’m shit at showing my feelings sometimes and I’m bad at messaging. Don’t ever doubt that you bummies :((((((

☼ = Silent/New Mutuals  →  We don’t talk/interact that much but I still appreciate your existence and love you, thank you for being here. Maybe when I’m not a anxious HOE i’ll message you

Bold = Content Creator  →  YOU TALENTED LITTLE BEAN. GOD FUCKING GAVE YOU THE SKILLS OF A GODDESS/GOD AND YALL ARE BLESSED ASF

I love you all bls don’t think that I love you less because of where you are on this post asiojdoasijd that’s not my intentions and I don’t mean to hurt you :((((( 

(There is no solid order with how people are being added, I’m just going through my Following & Followers list)

♔

@champagnehoseok @koalajimin  @gukvenchy  @agustdabbing @knjddaeng @tinymintyoon @94hixtape​

❥

@gukyi  @guksheart  @introseesaw @kinktae​ @httpjeon @honeyyhobii @sapidsuga @cloutro @yeehawtaekook @minlucent @joonbuns @honeyyhobii @simplyjoon @equigay @seoksblackrose @kitsujoon @rohobi @namseokis @lovewyself @taewitched  @etherealmins

☼

@utopiajeon  @hobiwonka @starlightjoons @louvrescript @ggukhoneys @yourstrxxly @bymoonchild@blushoseoks@iliveforjungkookmemes @moonm0chi @jeonpetals​

@champagnehoseok: You little donk. I have a love/hate relationship with you, you wanna know why? caUSE ALL YOU DO IS ATTACK ME. I’m trying to live life here and you’ll send me a gif and then I’m (hot and) bothered. Though tbh without you I’ve wouldn’t of been able to leave my shell of shyness. You and your “DEARLLLYYYYYY” in group voice chats and scaring my ass to death smh. Despite being an extreme introvert I do enjoy talking/playing league with you (even though all we do is scream) So don’t take my short response as a “I’m annoyed with you” cause that’s not the case, I’m just an EXTREME INTROVERT. In all thanks for being the donk to my dink, never stop walking, always keep going alright? (this is the softest message you’ll get from me so LOVE IT)

@koalajimin: Morgan bby :((( You are my Libra sister and we relate to each other so much it’s quite unreal. Thanks for letting me scream and rant to you about stuff, it means a lot cause I know I’m a lot to deal with iojasoidjposa. I love how sweet you are :((( You’re the type of friend to go through a huge crowd of people just to make sure someone you care about is okay which is so admirable and I hope you know we don’t deserve your sweetness :((( It’s all too precious. If you ever need my “wise” advice or need someone to rant to just hmu okay? ilysm uwu (also BLS DRINK RESPONSIBLY)

@gukvenchy: Yara you sweet angel :((( Idk if I told you this before but that one night I randomly pour out my love to you on your old account was the first time I’ve went off anon to talk to you and I’m so glad I did cause it made me feel less anxious about sending asks and messages to you. Actually tbh you’ve helped me out a lot when it comes to gaining confidence in general. You probably never realize it but in little ways you do and I’m so glad we are mutuals because I would still be a shy shithead today :(( So thank you for being such a sweet pea and accept the fucking mess I am, ilysm you teasing Queen (I WILL NOT BIAS A BOY WHO POURS MILK INTO THE BOWL FIRST (I still love him but not enough to make him my bias)

@agustdabbing: Ahhh you probably didn’t expect a special message eh? Wrong. I love our late night convos about food, school and other things that I can’t remember cause they were so late at night aisjdijsad. You’ve found me in the rec blog side bar and it honestly shocked me that you wanted to follow or even message me. Like seriously??? I still don’t get why you want to asidjpais but in all I’m happy you got the courage to message me and grateful that you enjoy my random burst of convo starters. If you ever need anything hmu okay? Don’t be afraid to. I will always be here for late night convos about avocados, pastas, stupid things CUBE did and etc. Bless ya soul sweet child uwu

@knjddaeng: BABYYYYCHRSISSAIOJT My sweet tarot reading buddy. I love your curly hair adorable ass. Thanks for being honest, sweet, understanding and caring when I come to you for advice. You know how reserved I am, but despite that I always feel so safe when talking to you about my problems cause you understand why I think what I think and do what I do. In all I’m so grateful that you’re understanding of my messy brain and love me for me. Thanks for all the things you’ve done and I wish well for you :(( Know that if you are ever sad I will fucking send a spirit to comfort you asoidjaoid I WILL FIND A WAY DON’T YOU JOHNNY FUCKING TEST ME

@tinymintyoon: Ah Tiny, you sweet sweet child uwu I don’t know why but I just always have this like “You’re my little sister” vibe with you even though we aren’t that far in ages. You’re such a smart, beautiful and hard working girl and I have so much respect for that. You do things with consideration of others and it’s such a rare sight to see nowadays so please don’t ever forget that. I know at times you will feel down and have the itching feeling to slap yourself for not being good enough but trust me hunny, you’re doing great. Don’t beat yourself up too much okay? ilysm uwu please sleep appropriately so you don’t tire yourself out and hurt yourself :((( also THANK YOU FOR BETA READING SOME OF MY TRASH WORKS ASJDIKJ YOU ARE THE BEST AND I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT YOU PUT INTO THEM

@94hixtape​: Lu, you are such a sweetie and I know we recently started talking but I can’t just leave you out on this. When you messaged me for the first time saying you’ve been meaning to message for a while made me so soft like???? You wanted to message ME? And see if I WAS okay??? You are a sweet angel and it still makes me flop onto my bed all soft. Despite your shy character you still would do so much for your friends and :((( ugh that makes me soft. Please don’t be afraid to message me if you’re sad or in need to rant, your presence is god’s gift in this world and you should be happy : ‘)))) ILYSM 

I’m sorry that all of these messages are GROSS jsandoaijsdo

[luciisthebest]

Fragments

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: The reader wakes up in an unknown room not knowing who she is or who the two men then seem to know everything about her are.

Warnings: Language, some angst, the reader has amnesia, mentions of mild violence.

Word Count: 1,697

A/N: So this looks like it might be the start of another series. I'm not sure. If you guys want more just let me know. Also, there are some “warnings” that I'm going to put in the tags. They're nothing bad it's just they're major spoilers. Anyways I hope you guys like this one and feedback is greatly appreciated and often leads to happy dances.

Light streamed through the blinds in the window next to you. As your eyes fluttered open, that was the first thing you saw. Your head was throbbing and your vision blurry. Turning your head you found yourself in a room you didn't recognize. “Hello?” You called out. Squinting, you tried to make out a human shaped blob that was by what appeared to be another bed. “Who's there?” The blob moved and you could hear the sound of a man’s voice but your throbbing head was unable to process what he said. A moment later a second blob joined the first one. “What do you want from me?” Fear made your heartbeat quicken as they began to move closer. Blinking your eyes rapidly, your vision began to clear.

Standing to the side of the bed were two men. One extremely tall will longish chestnut hair and hazel eyes and the other with short brown hair and emerald green eyes. Both men looked down at you with concern and it registered to you that they seemed vaguely familiar.

“Do I know you?” The two men exchange looks. “I'm sorry I don't know where I am and who you are and-and.” You began to hyperventilate as panic began to set in.

“Y/N you're safe. You're ok just calm down.” The one with the green eyes knelt down beside your bed.

“Y/N? Is that my name?” You closed your eyes trying to remember but you came up empty. You couldn't remember anything. Who you were or who these two men were.

“Dean I don't think she remembers anything.” The taller of the two looked down at you. Your eyes darted to his face and you searched for any signs of malice or bad intent. All you found was concern and sadness.

Even though you didn't know either of the two men, you had the distinct feeling that you could trust them. Looking back towards the man knelt at your side you reach out and traced the lines of his face. He seemed familiar, like a distant memory, one that was just out of your grasp. “I know you don't I? Both of you.”

He leaned into your touch. “Yes. We're…” He trailed off obviously trying to find a way to explain everything. “I'm Dean and he's Sam. We're brothers and your name is Y/N, Y/N Winchester.” He stopped.

Looking into his eyes you saw pain deep with in those green depths. “Ok. Nice to meet you I think.”

Sam sat down on the edge of the bed and continued the story. “Now this is going to be hard to hear and you'll probably think we're crazy but for the past six years you have been traveling with my brother and I hunting.” The brothers once again exchanged looks.

“Hunting? Like animal hunting?” You must have been some sort of wackjob. Who hunted for six years straight?

“Not exactly.” Dean jumped in. “You see we hunt things that go bump in the night. Monsters.”

You started laughing. “Oh right so I'm like Buffy. Let me guess we go around killing vampires and werewolves and saving the world.” You continued to laugh. “That's a good one. Real funny.” You realized that neither Sam or Dean were laughing. “Wait, you're not kidding are you?” You looked between the brothers.

“I know this is hard to believe.” Dean ran a hand through his hair. “You've obviously retained enough memory to remember that most people don't know that supernatural creatures are real but believe me when I say they are very real.”

“You people are crazy!” You began to scoot as far away from them as you could. There wasn't much room on the bed but just the small amount of distance between you and them made you feel better.

“Y/N please, hear me out.”

“How do I know if that's even my real name?” You shouted at Dean. “For all I know you two are my kidnappers and are holding me against my will.”

Dean visibly flinched at your words and raw pain filled his face. “I know you have no reason to believe either of us but I nearly lost you. And I will not stand by and lose you for good.”

Sam reached over and placed a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. “Just let us explain how this happened and if you still don't believe us when we're done we'll let you walk out of the room.”

“All right. Start talking.” You watched Dean. You sensed there was something off with him. The look on his face when he said he had almost lost you confused you. There had been fear, anger, pain, and another emotion you couldn't make out. None of it made sense to you, but then again you hardly knew the man.

Dean stood up and sat on the bed across from you. “We were on a routine simple case.” He started. “It should've been a simple salt and burn but then we found out a witch was tormenting the people in the town.” He paused seeming to sense the fact that you were trying to wrap your mind around the information he had just given you.

A witch? Witches weren't real or at least not in the sense of a witch with true evil power. Witches were just some fictional made up monsters used to scare little kids on Halloween.

“We decided to pay her a little visit.” He continued on. “But we underestimated her powers and when we finally had her pinned down she became desperate. As a last ditch effort she cast some sort spell and directed it at me.” He paused his eyes distant as he seemed to relive the memory. Shaking his head he again continued. “At the very last second you jumped in front of me taking the full impact of the spell. You were knocked uncoinscuous and when we tried to capture the witch to figure out what she had done she burst into flames effectively ending the bitches life.”

Silence fell over the room. Witches? Spells? Either you were trapped in some sort of crazy dream or these guys were absolutely wacko. Falling back onto the pillow you stared up at the ceiling. Your eyes fixaceted on a particularly dark stain on the ceiling. You continued to stare at it as you tried to process everything Dean had said. Your head hurt even more now, and you could hear Sam and Dean whispering not to far from you. None of this could be real and yet both brothers spoke with absolute certainty. It was almost all to elaborate to be made up.

Closing your eyes, you again tried to remember something. Just one thing would be enough, even if it proved what Dean was saying right. Gritting your teeth you focused harder. Something was coming back to you, a name. “Sam and Dean Winchester.” You blurted out, opening your eyes.

Both brothers seemed to freeze. “You remembered.” Sam looked relieved.

“Yeah.” You sat there for a moment trying to connect the dots. If their last name was Winchester and your last name was Winchester that meant you were related. “Wait… am I your sister?”

Sam had the actual audacity to laugh which earned him a glare from Dean.

Dean seemed at a loss for words. “I didn't want to overwhelm you earlier. When you didn't remember who we were I sort of panicked.”

You stared at him expectantly waiting for him to speak.

“We’re.” He stopped. “I’m.” He stopped again.  

“Just spit it out already.”

“We’re married.”

Your eyes widened as the last thing you ever expected to hear came from his lips. “Married? As in husband and wife?” You glanced at his left hand only to find a ring. “Wow you have a terrible taste.” You heard a muffled laugh from behind Dean and you couldn't help but chuckle as well, at least somebody found your terrible sense of humor amusing.

“That's definitely not how I expected you to react.” Dean watched you in confusion.

“How else was a I supposed to react? You just told me we're married. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You're absolutely gorgeous and I'm definitely not a ten so you must be confused.” You looked away from him, afraid that he would see your embarrassment. You wanted to run from that room. Heck it was easier to believe some crazy witch cast a spell on you than the fact Dean and you were married.

“That's bullshit. Don't ever say that about yourself. You are absolutely perfect in my eyes and I would be lost without you. You've made me a better man.” His words drew your eyes back to his face. His eyes were briming with love and sincerity.

“Well…” you didn't know what to say. It just had to be your luck that you couldn't remember any of this. There was obviously something deep and profound between you and Dean and it pissed you off to know end that you couldn't rember a thing. “It seems I lead a rather busy life.” You said sarcastically. “Is this a typical part of our lifestyle? The whole waking up with amnesia thing.” Dean shook his head. “Oh well that's good. At least this day can't get any worse or more surprising. I don't know who I am, I supposedly have been cursed by a witch, which leads to the whole thing where witches are actually real, and I'm married. Definitely not what I was expecting when I woke up.” By the end of your little rant you were beginning to sound hysterical.

Dean stepped closer to your bed and once again kneeled back down. “Breathe Y/N. Calm down. I know this is a lot but we'll figure it out. I promise.”

Sam walked up behind him and gave him a nudge. “Dean you need to tell her the other part.”

“What other part?” You frantically looked between them.

Dean cringed. Looking into your eyes he took a deep breath as he pulled your hand into his. “Y/N, you're pregnant.”

You yanked your hand from his. “What?”

Part 2

Tags:

@mogaruke @msimpala67 @percussiongirl2017 @tomorraw @meganwinchester1999 @ria132love @lucifer-in-leather @impala-dreamer @idreamofhazel @wayward-mirage @helvonasche @quiverhope @distinguishedqueenofbooks @faith-in-dean @hiswickedkitty @docharleythegeekqueen @nanie5 @amotleyworld @Abbessolute @mrsbatesmotel53

[fiircbird-archive-blog]

I gotta rant. I gotta rant hard.

During my time in the AA fandom, which has been a fair amount of years now, I’ve came to the conclusion that I need to stay out of the tags. I have a personal blog that used to be nothing but AA and I would regularly check the tags for news about Dual Destines (or at that time we just called it GS5) and I followed tons of fans, so my dash was always full of AA-related content.

But over the years I’ve noticed something. Of people taking Phoenix’s skills and basically deciding that he can’t have them. And then giving them to Edgeworth. Like they strip Phoenix of any talent and say ‘Oh, but Edgeworth can do that better and Edgeworth can do this better.’ Even going so far to say that Edgeworth can do art better when PHOENIX WAS AN ART MAJOR IN CANON. HE WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN INTO COLLEGE IF HE WASN’T GOOD AT ART. And Edgeworth always seemed to have trouble with the creative side of things and couldn’t make a paper crane or fold a dollar:

Larry: Oh, yeah... You were never any good at it. Gumshoe: Really? Larry: Yeah, this guy was so bad, he couldn't even fold a dollar, let alone a crane. Everyone tried to comfort him, but he would just sit there sobbing. Gumshoe: Really? I never would have expected that. Edgeworth: Be quiet already! I'll never forget the shame of that day! Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations. Capcom. Episode: Bridge to the Turnabout (in English). 2007.

But I’ve seen so many people who completely ignore what’s said in canon and continue to take away all of Phoenix’s talents and give them all to Edgeworth. I’ve even seen people say that he would be able to beat Phoenix at poker, which is once again tearing apart a talent that Phoenix has just to put Edgeworth higher on a pedestal than the fans have already put him on. And a lot of it involves narumitsu. To have this unbalance in a paring where one is seen as amazing at everything and can do no wrong and another who people mock as being dumb and without any skills whatsoever. Like, that just isn’t healthy.

Or how I’ve seen a few people liveblog in the tags and they get PISSED that Phoenix tells Edgeworth that it would have been better if he never came back from the dead. God forbid Phoenix have emotions and feel them so strongly that he says something like that. He has to be pushed to say something like that and Edgeworth pushed him. And Edgeworth himself seemed to have realized that Phoenix didn’t mean what he said. Because he smiles after the initial shock of it.

But I’m bringing up that moment because later in the same case Edgeworth is brutal with Adrian and yet nobody ever talks about it.

Andrews: Please! Please STOP!! I beg you!! If people find out... If people find out... I... I'll...

Edgeworth: If you're going to say you would "choose death", that is of no concern to me.

Andrews: ...!

Phoenix: (Edgeworth... How can you be so cold...!?)

Edgeworth: However, before you die... I will pull the truth from your breathing lips! ... No matter what I have to do.

Andrews: ...

Edgeworth: So, will you tell the court yourself, or shall I!? Either is fine with me.

Andrews: ... ... ...I... I'll talk. But please... Help me... N-Nothing matters anymore...

This isn’t a personal attack on anyone and I do like Edgeworth. He’s probably my second fave character. But the fandom’s views on him are just-- like it gets into the Mary Sue / Gary Stu territory. Don’t forget what character you’re talking about and make him into someone who should basically be an OC. Recognize his flaws (and not in some romanticized way) and realize that he isn’t good at everything. He himself respects Phoenix Wright to the moon and back and has often thought about him when he was stuck on what to do: “The sight of that man still shines brightly in my eyes”. Just one example of what he’s said about Phoenix.

And this isn’t me saying that Phoenix doesn’t have flaws either. The guy has a lot of them. And he can’t do everything. He has his own skills and that’s it. I’m not going to sit here and say that he’d be able to beat Edgeworth in chess because, yeah, he probably wouldn’t be able to. And he doesn’t care that he can’t. Like he’s just a regular dude who’s trying to get by and that’s what makes him relatable. And that’s how my interpretation will stay.

I just want to repeat that this is not an attack on anyone and that I do like Edgeworth. And I like it when they interact. And I ship narumitsu when it’s done right and in a healthy way. I just had to say all this after it built up for so long (years, in fact.)

[tonedpins]

One rule for the cunts and one rule for everyone else.

I received this lovely ask today and now is the time for me to answer…

To put you in context, I received an anonymous message 2 days ago (to which I’m pretty sure this one is related to) that I decided not to reply to for a couple of reasons. The most important reason being that it’s related to one of my personal friend, named in said message, and I don’t want that person to feel like they have to address it publicly if they don’t want to, the choice is theirs to make.

The message was asking me about why I had not said anything about my friend meeting Catherine when I had been so quick to judge people at the stage door in Bath, and then went on to say that my friend followed Catherine to have a conversation with her and feel like she’s better than everybody else, the message also said ‘‘that’s like not overly familiar at all’’.Here are the twitter post I made about the stage door situation;

I’ve just witness the most ridiculous behaviour from people that call themselves fans, since when backing someone in a corner is acceptable?

I felt so bad for Jemma, she was clearly feeling stock and wanted some room to move… and Jules was just a sweetheart trying to help

I wish I was, and honestly I don’t care that this might make me hated by some of the fandom but it needed to be said!

I dont know how anyone could feel good about taking a picture with them in that kind of environnement

My Twitter is x0xmarie0x0 and the post where made on April 1st, 2017

(To those wondering, I checked and I didn’t made a post on Tumblr related to this, I thought I had but apparently not) 

I still stand by what I said that day, now, if you were there and have a completely different feeling about how things went, it’s your opinion and I respect it, but this is how I personally felt and it’s not going to change. This was not normal stage door behaviour, I get being excited but it doesn’t excuse invading people’s personal space like some did. I also know I’m not the only person who felt that way. I have personally waited at a stage door for a mega movie star in the past and even that wasn’t as intense as what happened that day.

Like I said, I’m not going to name or tag the person about whom those messages seems to be related to because I want them to be able to choose to address it or not, it’s their choice, not mine to make. (I have deleted posts that would have made it clear as to whom it is for this exact reason) What I can tell you about them is that yes, they indeed had an ‘‘out of the ordinary’’ moment with Catherine and I’m one of the few that person chose to share it with. I’m not going to give any specific details about it, not only for them but also to respect Catherine and what she decided to share or not share with that person. I don’t know how the words got out and how this anon heard about it, I’ve personally shared a bit more details than what I’m writing here to some friends I trust wouldn’t have said anything. The only thing I might have told (or been overheard sharing) is how Catherine told that person Jemma was going to be at that specific representation of WTBS, it is the only way I could see as to how that anon knew I knew about my friend and Catherine meeting. The last thing I can had about this meeting is that they have not followed Catherine anywhere in the way the message implied, I know for a fact that person was thinking about not meeting Catherine at all during their trip.

I want to make it clear that I do not think my friend or myself are perfect, or that my opinion (or theirs) is better than anyone else. I’m also not doing this just to defend someone I care about, I’m doing this because I’m sick and tired of fandom wars and people not being respectful towards one another. I don’t believe in going into people ask box, using the anonymous feature, to call people names (in this case c*nts… really, what are we, 10yrs old?) and try to start fights. Don’t you think maybe people would feel more free about sharing their experiences if they didn’t have to be scared some people would get jealous and start harassing them or their friends? I have heard about private messsage boards/forums where people actually ask members to harass others because they said something they didn’t agree with or felt like something someone said was disrespectful towards Catherine or Jemma. That’s what I call online bullying and being someone who was the victim of this specific kind of bullying I cannot stay silent about this.

I know that I am a really opinionated person (I mean, look at the size of this post) and sometimes I understand how people could interpret it as me thinking I’m better than others (which I swear I don’t) and I sometimes react a bit too quickly and don’t take time to process things before publicly saying something. I made friends in this fandom with people I don’t always agree with (including the friend I’m specifically talking about here) and, in all honesty, I sometime even feel a tiny bit of jealousy when it comes to my (berena) friends having opportunities or experiences I don’t or didn’t get to have. I am far from being perfect and definitely never thought me or any of my friends are, I’ll be the first to admit when I was wrong about something (even if it hurts my ego) and am ready to talk things out with people when needs to be. I certainly don’t know everything but one thing I do know is that no one deserve to ever feel like they are less than others or that they don’t have the right to enjoy things because others don’t think they should.

I’m also going to take the time to rant (because let’s face it, this is partly what I’m doing here) on a couple of different things; 

Catherine and Jemma DO NOT have to do all the things they do for us, it’s nice of them to take the time to share part of their time and lives and I think it’s our responsibility to make sure they have a great time doing it. I’m not saying we have to agree with all they do or say, but we can make sure that even when we don’t we all stay polite towards them and each other.

One of the particularity of this fandom is how much we try to support both Catherine and Jemma but also their friends and family. I personally follow most of their family members on most social media, and I’m the first one to admit I shouldn’t interact with them as much as I do, but I think it’s important to remember that some of them are less comfortable with the attention than others and they don’t have to deal with their mum/wife/sister/friend fans like they do and we should all stay respectful of their boundaries. I’m just trying to say that maybe we should evaluate the reasons why we support them and then adapt our support accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with you going to see one of Sam show because you really find him funny (I’m planning on doing it next time I’m in London), nothing wrong if you love Poppy’s music and poetry (I know I personally love all of it) and want to tell her about it, nothing wrong if you are excited about Gab’s new/latests projects, but all of it isn’t right if you do it only to get recognition from Catherine and Jemma. These people are their owns entities and they deserve to be loved and respected for who they are and not because of whom their parents are.

Conventions season is here and a lot of lucky people will get to meet both Jemma and Catherine in London (sadly I won’t be able to attend), and the week after, Jemma in Birmingham (I’ll be there), so please people, make the experiences enjoyable for not only Jemma and Catherine but for all the other fans going. This includes not screaming random stuff to get their attention while they are meeting up with people (I’ve seen this happen, I should really say experienced it, in Bath and in all honesty those people are really lucky I didn’t want to cause a scene), some people might be more nervous than others, some might take a bit more time with them for a lot of reasons, some might choose to share private things with them they don’t want to tell everyone else so please mind your own business until it’s your time with them. I would also encourage people to help eachother out, if it’s not your first time at a Con and you realize it’s the first time for someone else and they don’t really know how it works give them pointers, if you see someone being so nervous they feel like running away, they might simply need for someone to be there and tell them it’s going to be alright. If it’s your first time doing this kind of thing, please do a bit of research, it will help you and others in the long run (I know it did for me). Last thing, if it’s not your first time meeting them, be mindful of that and let others have their moments with them too, we want as many people as possible to be able to experience this at its fullest and to have fun doing it. At the end of the day, what we want is for them to continue doing these kind of things with us, isn’t it? So please, don’t be an a*shole.

Catherine is really open, and I mean REALLY open about stuff online which means that we also are pretty open in the way we reply to her (me the first) but I’ve seen some weird and maybe a bit to personal and inappropriate things being said to her on Twitter, so for the love of god (or whatever you believe in) please remember that this is public and for everyone to see and that she’s human and even though I’m sure she doesn’t get shocked by much maybe they are things she shouldn’t or doesn’t want to know.

I could definitely go on and on (as you can probably tell by the length of this post) but I will stop after these few words;

The Berena fandom was (and still is) a really special place for a lot of people and it pains me to see that yet again a fandom I liked can’t seem to stick together because of different opinions on multiple of subjects. We have the chance to be in a fandom that connect people from different part of the world, coming from different backgrounds, different age groups, and we all connected with Berena for so many different reasons. Shouldn’t this be enough?

And to this lovely anon (I’m pretty sure I know who you are) next time you have something to tell me, please come off anon and let’s have a nice and civilise conversation (in private or publicly) but please know that I do not respond well to people calling me, or my friend, c*nts and I won’t let anyone try to intimidate me (been there, done that, not gonna let it happen again) so, you can stop this right now. And to anyone who doesn’t like me or what I have to say, it’s fine, you have the right to, ignore me (that’s what I usually do) or even block me if you need to but please don’t try to pick fights with me or the people I care about. (Collectormania won’t be the moment to try to speak to me unless you have something nice to say, I’m going there to enjoy myself and spend time with people I love and to meet Jemma not to create drama, leave me alone!)

On this note,

Good Night!

[kkukkung]

Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right

big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2

tardy replies as usual under the cut!

(sorted from oldest to newest)

I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty

hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!

annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!

(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t

another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through

(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...

i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...

JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics

Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?

it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(

soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent

The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER

yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk

u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀

im a @fhiz​ stan it’s the same thing tbh

ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;

this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(

i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +

(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm

maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??

i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later

wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked

i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...