#putting my rambles in tumblr for archival purposes

[koipepo]

Woodkid: 2022 (first design) vs 2024 (current design)

looking at the comparison i can see that i erased way too much of the wooden, bark textures from the old design.

it was always a struggle to draw him consistently since the textures are quite complicated and he doesn't have any real facial features for me to anchor when i draw him in different angles so.. i gave him a nose. a herbivore looking nose but still a nose.

but the more i draw the newer design, the weirder it feels. it doesn't sit right with me. the new design doesn't solve my problem, in fact it creates entirely new one because i swung too far to the opposite side: he now looks way too simple and too cartoonish! the textures are wiped clean and his mouth-less, lower face looks way too jarring bc of this oversimplification. his features looks like sticker being painted on top of smooth wooden mask, and that's not the kind of design i want.

so, the journey of re-designing Woodkid continues... 😂

hopefully i can marry the old and new designs and arrive at something satisfactory and easy to draw frequently

[candycryptids]

😬 bro I am 👌 this close to being done with this GOSH DANGED. THINGY.

And I have no idea where to post it LMFAO

[qilingxiong]

okay, i've seen this a few times now and it's getting on my nerves, so: PLEASE do not use the ao3 tag space like you do tumblr tags.

tumblr tags, as a feature of how the site is structured, have come to serve both organizational and communicative purposes. some people use them strictly for one or the other, and many people use them for both, with an unspoken etiquette developed for the second. tags are a free space for someone to add their own thoughts or commentary on a reblog, without the permanence of directly adding onto a post. if someone likes your tags, they can peer review it and then attach them to the post in a more visible way. it's a unique thing about tumblr, and it's definitely freeing to go rambling in tags sometimes about whatever topic and not think too hard about it. i get it.

but ao3 tags do not serve the same function as tumblr ones.

tumblr is a microblogging/social media-adjacent platform. ao3 is an archive, a repository. the purpose of its tags on fics is for proper and accurate organization almost exclusively, with tag wranglers to ensure this system works. sure, authors will leave a few personalized/commentary tags on their fics sometimes. for example, perhaps to note something brief about story content that can't be addressed through other tags, or because some necessary tags haven't been made canonical by ao3 yet. but these are usually limited to just a few tags in a fic at most.

leaving a whole wall of rambling thoughts in ao3 tags, like you would on a tumblr post, is going to undermine the function ao3 tags are intended to serve. it muddles organization of your fic so that people scrolling by might not catch the actual content tags you wanted them to see. it might be annoying enough that they won't care to skim the summary or click on your fic. ao3 has a tag limit these days for a reason; those of us who witnessed the Sexy Times With Wangxian incident know that it stemmed from mass overuse of tags that weren't relevant to the fic's organization. many of us are low on patience after that.

this is, by no means, telling anyone to stop adding thoughts about their fics! it's just that there's already a space dedicated to that on ao3, and it's called the author's notes before and after your story. that's where people are expecting you to put commentary like this, and they'll have a chance to respond to it in the fic comments too, if they want. you can talk about the behind-the-scenes of your writing elsewhere too, on tumblr or other platforms, where you can yell to your heart's content. just please don't do it right in the ao3 tags, which are meant for a different purpose than the ones on tumblr, and so have different etiquette for usage. it'll keep the site a friendlier place to visit for others, and perhaps help the chances of your writing being looked at.

[stepswowdsen]

【Magi】 JuAli Comic Idea (NSFW) 🖤❤️💛

(CW: NSFW)

(EDIT: I used to have this blog on priv, but I went off priv recently)

JuAli NSFW I wrote before 🖤 ❤️ 💛 This one's a lot longer than my usual ideas. The 1st half is SFW, but the 2nd half is NSFW. One of the dialogue scripts I wrote.

Oh yeah here's the JuAli NSFW comic idea I wrote if anyone wants to read it. I wrote this back in 2023, but I recently added to it, so I'll post it here

Warning: The 1st part is SFW, but the rest is NSFW so I'll put the rest under the cut.

There's also a lot of bickering and bantering, typical of JuAli. I always have a fun time writing for them <3 Wheeee!

It's still a WIP though so I put line breaks to mark transitions to different scenes (or as reminders for myself for which scenes I need to add to)

Ok guys if I'm basically planning to post KuroEne sex at some point, then that means it's free real estate for me to post LimGuda, XanLena, IdaTatsu, and JuAli sex, right

I'll put the warning whenever I do it, though. Fair warning tho. This one's more explicit. 95% of my ideas are my ships are SFW actually, but it is fun to write NSFW on the side and explore ship intimacy ^^

As you can tell, after the several months hiatus due to me being busy with school, I'm trying to get better at posting here!!! My timezone is currently EDT in Canada's summers, I tend to schedule posts to post around 7 ~ 9 PM (EDT)

It's a lil annoying how limited priv Tumblr blogs are... Even Insta and Twt priv accs let you like posts and don't require a PW to unlock. But it's a good archive for me.

Rambles

I'll be honest, my NSFW ideas are so vanilla and tame, and heavy on dialogue. That's how I want it to be. I hate the majority of qorn and qorn tropes cuz a lot of mainstream qorn is so (trans) misogynistic and thoughtless and violent. It lacks intimacy.

If I were to draw this out, there'd be a huge focus on expressions and dialogue... Oh and it'd be clothed intimacy/sex cuz I prefer it that way

As an ace person, I want my NSFW and qorn to be more artistic and focus on intimacy, including emotional intimacy. Like, qorn is fine too, but it needs to be. Not for the purpose of feeding an incel, obviously.

In general, I'm soooo picky with NSFW

It's fine if my faves explore kink and power dynamics/control in the bedroom, but I want it to be imbued with my tastes. And my aesthetic tastes.

I'm bi sapphic and not really sexually attracted to men, so I see all my masc faves (including meow meow mf faves) as my sons.

In general, I think clothed intimacy and subtle eroticism (ie. hands slipping into clothes) is hottest and I prefer it honestly. If I were to draw NSFW (hopefully one day, I need to get better at it tho), this is what you'd mainly see from me.

Even if it'd be highly impractical IRL, I love how intimacy looks with the flow of clothes more. Though ofc there's a lot of great artistic nudity too <3

Oh and the part where he's lying on the bed after... I imagined it like, Judar takes off his outer most clothes (the black and red Ruqun and Daxiushan) and wears the white hanfu undergarments underneath

You can read more about it here!

Ziseviolet is a great queer friendly hanfu blog and resource for hanfu refs and informative posts~

Rambles with Friends

Y: I love how you write them omg 😭 The way this encapsulates Judar's spoiled bratty personality WRJFHWUTWFNSJ

Me: I love writing for them and their playful banter and smug teasing~

I like the idea of Judar visiting Alibaba at night in his room. I love the idea of them having secret trysts/dates meeting at night (under the full moon). The moon is also Judar's symbol

(Well, Judar has black sun and moon symbolism, and I loved how Jaqui mentioned before that she sees him with eclipse symbolism)

Me: It's a WIP but I wrote JuAli NSFW

M: Based 🔥🔥

Me: Mostly just added Judar and Alibaba going around together! And then Judar being a moody fussy cat

C: Nice also very valid. Judar moody cat...

Me: LMAO yeah. The moody cat Judar acts according to his whims. He's definitely the type to act bratty and demanding to his S/O. Judar goes all like "Play with me, Alibaba!!!"

J: This is so valid dhdhdhd

J: DHDHDHDHDH They're so funny, I love their dialogues so much. Your JuAli AU is so interesting

Me: Thank you Jaqui!!! That makes me happy to hear 🥰 💗

In this particular idea, I think they've warmed up to each other more. They're more comfortable with each other and are aware of the others' respective quirks. But I still think they probably have some relationship awkwardness typical of young adults, at times? I always have a fun time writing their banters and dialogue!

I think it's cute and funny to see their "Hate-Love" dynamic because Judar is violently tsun, and tsun tsun possessive... I think that in their early relationship, they'd constantly headbutt each other all the time. They'll always be pretty competitive with each other, but I think Judar would warm up to Alibaba over time - so there'd be less mean insults and they'd eventually turn into playful ones

Me: Judar who goes from “I don't even want to be near you!!!” at first, to cuddling up to him like an annoying cat (/endearing), preventing Alibaba from moving or getting up. Like when you want to get something to eat or drink but your cat lays on you, stopping you

C: CUTE

Me: I feel like when they get closer Judar would want to sleep with him casually. Eat together. Wrap him into his shenanigans and pester him and bother him. Don't tell him that this is peak domestic behaviour, he will deny it.

C: Cute!! :") He def would lol

Me: I'm thinking about Judar being an asshole cat with teasing hehe. Judar can be playfully mean with his teasing.

C: Judar is genuinely seeking a weird kind of entertainment from being an asshole lmao

Me: LMFAO YEAH. His bratty nature would definitely extend to sex too ASDKSDKKLSDKL

C: IT ABSOLUTELY WOULD

Me: Provoking his S/O, being competitive in the bedroom… Stuff like that. I like the subtext of tsun tsun possessiveness too at the end.

Me: I don't have enough edits of Alibaba rn so I mainly just took Judar's manga screencaps

Oh and I still need to add to some parts eventually but y'know I got most of it down for now!!!

[meat-wentz]

Drop the Wes Anderson thoughts

cracking my knuckles cause i finally have time to sit down and write this after tumblr obliterated it from existence last time. note this may be a ramble more than an essay bc i have a lot of thoughts. so the thing about wes is that i have such a complicated relationship with him specifically because of the way his gaze affects literally everything around him. like his vision is something that is so singular that as a young person it was so influential to the way i thought about and gathered information about the world simply because i loved the way he looked at it and i wanted to somehow acquire that way of looking. it’s interesting because more than wes is a filmmaker he’s more of a curator and he always has been, and what’s hilarious about that is that in the “esteemed” sense of the word “curation,” he’s really bad at it. like he curated this exhibit in vienna and it was just an absolute mess, like he was pulling items and pieces from their archives in a way that felt like he was pulling for a curio shop opening more than he was an actual exhibit that had a theme and a running narrative or common ground to cover (era, region, subject matter, all that jazz). he was putting displays three inches off the ground in vertical displays, which, speaking in exhibition terms is a horrible idea because it completely halts the flow of the guests by forcing them onto their hands and knees in order to view a piece while also presenting it in a way that offers the least advantageous look at said piece (angles are everything), idk i have a whole thing about this bc one of my bffs has worked in museums in various different countries their whole adult life and another one of my bffs has a degree in art history and i myself was three credits shy of an art history minor before i said fuck it i just wanna graduate, like all in all there’s just a whole reason exhibits tend to have the layouts they have and the pieces that have been chosen for display. so when it comes to that “esteemed” sense of curation in a professional sense, wes isn’t very good at it. but what wes has excelled in has always been curation in the medium of film in a way that film tends not to think about curation. his interest in the world is so carefully crafted and he’s found a way that is so specific and unique to his vision that he can present it to his audience in a way that is so specifically him. he has an interest in the object, the mundane, the beauty of a world where binoculars can be elevated to art, to a realm of the fantastic, where binoculars can be used to evoke a sense of nostalgia and sweetness, can be important to the point of dictating the way a narrative is told. given the medium of film, wes does beautiful beautiful things to the world around him, every object in a frame is carefully selected and curated to have purpose in creating a sense of the world that very much can exist, we just don’t have the means to make it exist (does that make sense?), he will show you beautiful compositions of the ordinary and make them extraordinary: a fur coat, a tracksuit, pink wallpaper, a kid’s painting, a fan, a cigarette, a radio, a pastry, a bike, a wingback chair, everything in a frame is meant to say “have you seen this? now can i show you how i see it?” and he doesn’t stop with the visual, his soundtracks are handcrafted mixtapes, love letters to the things he’s showing us, even his dialogue tends to be minimalistic displays of distinct word choices and compacted one liners delivered very often in a monotonous manner in order to punch through to the audience that the words are what matter the most.

with wes, every bit of his films is displayed with a sense of objectivity. it is curation in a way that is purely wes anderson, it’s an interior museum of putting things on display and saying this means something to me please see it, but asking the audience not to touch, not to engage, only to look and contemplate and give meaning. it’s the same kind of desperate plea i see in myself, of constantly trying to show people the things that have meaning to me in *my way* to show people things and have them internalize it the same way i have, to experience the world in the same way *i* experience it, but to also lend the meaning they find *back to me* (idk if i’m articulating this correctly). it’s basically like saying hi yes here is my favorite shirt, it is my shirt and i love it and i want you to see it and i will tell you all the stories about wearing this shirt that have brought me immense joy in this life, have you thought about everything i told you about this shirt? have you placed yourself in this shirt while i was telling you about it and did you imagine what it was like to be wearing this shirt while you imagined yourself being me? okay good good, now you know it is a very special shirt and i want it to be your favorite shirt too, but also please realize it is in fact *my* shirt and *my* experience of the shirt, it is mine and it makes me special and now it is yours by proxy but it is not *yours*. i think it’s a very human endeavor he’s showing us, that speaks to him and about him, no matter how removed and distanced a lot of his audiences may see his films as (“style over substance,” “aesthetics only”).

given all of that too, there’s the problem of wes anderson. he makes objects of everything on screen, and that means making objects of cultures and people and then not realizing how harmful his vision of these things tends to be. the way he presents specifically people of color as objects meant for beauty or exotic flair has always been hella weird and hella upsetting. i carried a lot of wes anderson movies with me as a teenager and continue to still hold a select few in my stable as films i find immense pleasure in, but i have not watched a new wes anderson film since grand budapest because i just can’t find it in me to see idk a movie that takes place in japan and has english speaking main characters while all the japanese characters speak japanese without any subtitles or translation, effectively turning them into foreign objects for contemplation rather than idk actual characters. it’s the whole problem with wes at the end of the day. he’s soooo white that his view of the world immediately gets tainted once you realize what you’re looking at. it’s a complicated relationship to have as i’ve held a lot of his films close to my heart and they really did shape how i looked at the world in some very formative years in my life but also looking back it’s like oh…cool that’s what i am to you…i’m not real, i’m not a person, i’m an object, i’m a display case, i’m the exotic accent piece, while a pair of binoculars is the centerpiece.

[warmhealerr]

18+ - Minors Do Not Interact.

Adult content sometimes. Even if it weren't the case I just don't want minors here. My Instagram is not my Tumblr.

I am Barnabas, though you can also call me Barney! I use he/they pronouns interchangeably.

I'm a hobbyist who writes and draws. I am currently deep in a DND phase kickstarted by BG3. I am fond of all things Gith- peoples, though Githyanki especially. I also love Deep Gnomes, and undead, go figure.

I am otherwise writing The City Of Dust aka TCOD (name to be changed) which I might post about from time to time. It has been my personal passion project for 7 years now.

If that information matters to you I am a French in France who stays awake at ungodly hours and wants out of here HAHA.

BOUNDARIES/"DNI"

I feel childish adding more to this section for some reason but it is necessary, so might as well get on with it.

I know how to curate my online experience like any other, and I also love dark media and kink, but I genuinely politely ask that you do not follow me (assuming you've read this) if you post or reblog fetish incestuous content. I like quickly checking and/or following people's blogs when it seems we've common interests! There's only so much curating I can do when someone with no specific warnings anywhere on their account does not tag it, which has been a more common occurrence than I'd prefer. This also goes for adult/minor fetish content. Please and thank you.

No gen AI.

I otherwise block whoever I please for reasons completely unrelated to former points. My blog history and bio might give you insight as to what. I also do not like people who revel in being the most shocking, mean spirited, judgemental and edgy in the room.

Finally, petty intercommunity validity discourse is the bane of my existence.

TAG INFO AND MORE UNDER THE CUT

NOTE 1

I suffer from serial social media liking disease. Apologies, I don't mean to spam/be obnoxious.

NOTE 2

I am ND and very mentally ill. My casual everyday (like you are reading right now) writing might be noticeably overcompensating, too cold, too warm, far too descriptive, or redundant alongside suffering at times from poor punctuation and vocabulary (though that is also on the fact English is not my first language). I am well aware though I'm trying to avoid awkwardness, sorry about that.

TUMBLR STUFF

ASKS

I welcome any ask no matter its content (that includes asks of an adult nature).

TAGS

I am God awful at tagging things even though I have been using Tumblr for at least 5 years now. I am especially forgetful when it comes to character or ship tags. This is an attempt at changing that.

#rambling for when I talk about... Nothing.

Feel free to request ship or character tags (as I usually forget them) in my ask inbox. My ship tag format usually goes #x/y.

I usually do not tag suggestive content (I just don't think about it, this blog is already 18+). I will tag explicit adult stuff with #nsft.

Content warning tags will use a single word, like #gore. This is to avoid typing gore cw instead of cw gore (for example) in case someone doesn't have that former tag iteration blocked.

I usually do not phobia tag (I might sometimes tag specific living beings like #bugs or #spiders. It is for archive navigation purposes but perhaps you could find it useful to hide them).

Feel free to request CW tags in my ask inbox.

MY TAGS

#myart for my visual art : from sketches to fully rendered, anything goes. I describe my rendered art for the visually impaired, and/or comprehensive visual clarity for an easier analysis. I usually do not describe sketches especially if posting a bunch of them.

#my writing for any kind of writing I put out. I don't write lots of polished stuff though. It's mostly summaries, script drafts and ideas I use to communicate with myself first, and then other people. It's hardly literature imo.

My individual OC tags go "#charactername tag" for easy navigation purposes.

"#Fist of the Comet" additional tag for Ta'rath post BG3 campaign

"#underdark siblings" for Joufos/Oulmat/Zilkon, their other family members and Oulmat's patron.

#TCOD for TCOD (until name changes).

I will add more tags here once relevant. Thank you.

Ta'rath spin...

[remowerator]

| ~ PINNED POST

this blog is just whatever i can think of to post, which will mostly be art but i try to post other stuff feel free to send an ask at any time. i love asks. i just might not see it for awhile check my blog description for more about myself

| ~ ART PERMS

WITHOUT credit - personal (pfps, banners, pagedolls, ect) WITH credit - stuff like fancams, stimboards, watever else relies on fan content (please show me after) if something isn't here please send an ask about it

QNA AND TAGS UNDER CUT

| ~ TAGS

#text post - general talking tag, this will also include random rambles with one or two stupid random images #image, #gif, #video - i try to tag the media #art, #oc - self explanatory #reblog - yeah #inbox - asks, will be on every post from an asker #complaints - kind of a vent tag but i don't have the balls to spill everything on tumblr so its really just vauge negative posts

when posting fanart i try to tag everything i can think for it, though i've been lazy with posts in the past. feel free to point out posts that are missing tags

somewhat related, my old homestuck blog is @not-hearts. i kept it up for archive purposes. i may use it again sometime but i've been lazy and i post normal homestuck content on this blog now

| ~ QNA

i wanna clarify most of these questions were never asked to me, it's just handy info

Q; why not they/them? A; it makes me deeply uncomfortable. though sadly i have to put up with it since people act like they/them can't misgender anyone. i get being forgetful (i very much am) but i'd rather have someone ask

Q; what's your drawing program? A; anything i can get my hands on but for most drawings i use mspaint on pc to line and ibis paint on mobile to color

Q; what tablet do you use? A; huion thing, not sure which. model number is GT-156. it has a screen but mine's plugged in wrong so the screen doesn't turn on. don't think the wires are long enough to fix this either

[feral-fae-thoughts]

Hello and welcome to my personal gremlin cave

I am Mari, I deeply apologize we've met.

My bestie and I are constantly saying that our conversations (and some one-liners) are just Tumblr text posts.

I have made this blog specifically for that purpose: to highlight and archive said texts... like some strange scrapbook, but instead of it being wholesome and somewhat cute, it's all the reasons me (and said bestie) should be put in a padded room.

What you are likely to find here:

Discord texts

Odd images

Stupid questions

Internet things I found funny

Horni on main

A lot of forgetting things

Vine references

[REDACTED]

Occasional doodles

The Funny™

Hyperfixation ramblings

Questionable music recommendations

...and many more things you will regret reading

If at some point I think something is particularly funny I might mess around and use my photoshop skills to give it visual form who knows.

TLDR: Immortalizing texts between me and my best friend because we're idiots.

[lacefuneral]

pretend this is a voice memo:

(cw i talk about trans death here but it isn't the main subject of my ramblings)

So. I consider myself to be a kind of amateur archivist in the way that like. A person might have taped a VHS of their favorite TV show back in the early 2000s. Like it's not something that I'm super organized about this kind of shit. But there are some things I'm trying to hang onto and hopefully you know in the future other people can have access to them too

And one of the projects that I am working on - have been working on for a while - is the project where- it's twofold because part of it is for the here and now for people to see themselves and seek solace in during a very politically charged and uncertain time. But the other purpose is for it to serve as a time capsule for this period of time and for it to be helpful for people in the future to see where we were

Anything that we have access to in the here and now, from the past, is something that was preserved in someway. I was able to read things like femme sharks and the transfag rag because someone said "this is important and I need to share this with other people".

and I was having a conversation last night with my friend. And I mentioned something offhand that I  have talked about many times in my answers to inquiries sent by gay trans men.  to the point where, to me, it is integral reading for transmascs of any kind.  And I forget that these are just articles that someone typed up on medium that I happened to stumble across,  and not say, a well-known book. And that websites like this are not permanent.

and my friend said that ze had never heard of them before. And I thought to myself OK I'll just look them up on Google and send the links over.   and because I'm an amateur archivist, I thought that I would back them up on the wayback machine while I did this. but when I went to grab them, the links were down.  The author had deleted these pieces.

 and I felt such a strong surge of loss and anxiety. Because this is why people archive things. Because things this important can just disappear out of nowhere. And while I was having a panic attack, my friend calmly checked the wayback machine to see if someone else had backed them up. and to my utter astonishment,  both of them had been.

The scary thing too is I know that services like the wayback machine are also ephemeral.  in truth,  everything is ephemeral.  Cloud services could disappear tomorrow. Someday my USB drives will be as worthless as floppy disks. Books go out of print.  And it's a scary thing to think about.

if my house suddenly caught fire, all of the trans art and artifacts that I have been slowly accumulating would be gone. 

and to be honest, I don't know what the answer is. I don't know what I should do in terms of archiving. Do I download Tumblr blogs? Do I try to rely on a service like the wayback machine that may not be there five years from now or sooner or later? Do I keep physical printed copies of websites? Do I put things on a USB drive and hope that I'll be able to transfer the files from such an obsolete an archaic technology onto something more modern which too, will someday be obsolete.

I care so much about this subject because so much of queer history has been lost to time. Partially because of  deliberate censorship, partially because in any era  ephemera is taken for  granted. I care because Leelah Alcorn's blog and Brianna Ghey's tiktoks were deleted after their deaths. And the little insight that we have of these young women and who they were are the words that they posted on social media. And that those words were preserved by other archivists. Blake Brockington i knew of before his death - he was an instrumental figure to me as a GNC trans man - and some of his posts I found were unintentionally archived by long-abandoned trans positivity blogs due to the way that this website works. every reblog is a record. and i was able to see his smiling face again, so many years later.

I hate the idea of people being names on a list. of being abstractions. trans people live rich lives. we are all multifaceted human beings. and we deserve to be known. we deserve to be remembered, to be celebrated, to be mourned.

there is a friend-of-a-friend. not someone i know personally. someone that, i assume, most likely hates me. and i was on their blog one day, out of curiosity. and i saw their meticulous archiving of a friend who had passed away. selfies and text posts. i read their loving words about her, which painted a rich picture of who this woman was. a woman that i would not know existed, were not for their efforts to keep her memory alive.

i feel that this sort of thing is important. our existence as trans people matter. regardless of notability. things like, a teenager's tiktok. like a selfie of a man post-op. a poem written by someone who will never be formally published. a clip of a trans woman singing an original song.

and i feel this sort of. pressure. and this fear also that. while i have narrowed my archival focus to transmasc people, there is so much. and i do not know where to put these things when they are archived. i do not know how i will share them. if i painstakingly export my sideblog - the thousands of photographs and videos and audios and text posts. who will view them?

and am i putting too much pressure on myself? is this anything i should worry about at all? because all life is ephemeral? i do not know.

[moon-of-curses]

ok so this is the drunkest I have ever been (iirc) and also the most alive I have ever felt and I’m probably going to hate myself in the morning but it won’t be more than I usually hate myself so I don’t care.

I have a girlfriend, and I’ve had one for like a month, and she’s so fucking cool and they helped me process the intrusive thoughts (spurred on by holding a literal revolver, thank you texas) and oh my god she’s so cool and we are so gay.

we’re gay! I’m gay! I am a lesbian! a homosexual! gay! oh my god this is the best night of my life! it was a pretty fucked up evening (see: intrusive thoughts + revolver, I promise that’s relevant but I’m don’t really wanna get into it) but tonight? I’m fuckin living it up!

christ I have to actively stop myself from becoming a horror writer in the discord servers I’m in with the amount of detailed prose that’s (Imma be honest) pretty much stolen from another tumblr post about the night sky against the ocean and how primally terrifying that is. lord I’m drunk.

three shots of tequila and six shots of rum; I am fucked up tonight. and I am loving every second of it. oh my god it takes so much concentrated effort not to say something I’ll regret and like fucking doxx myself or some shit. logically I should delete that shit about the night sky but even sober I’m all tricky and clever and coy and shit. I’m not gonna say anything more about where I live than I usually do. and even then it’s not like anyone even pays enough attention to this blog to figure it out.

by the time I’m a big enough name on tumblr for people to give a shit I will have long since moved out of this shithole. I probably will have moved out of texas by then. maybe seattle. I hear that’s a good place for friendly neighborhood anarchists to live, thought I’ll have to do more research. man fuck texas. all my homies hate texas. and fuck greg abbot too. y’know what, just fuck the government. I said it on my memey ass sideblog, I’ve probably said it here; fuck the government. fuck all governments! fuck anyone who would deny anyone their rights as a human being! I hate this world and the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I hate it more than myself!

fuck I’m drunk. I am filled with so much love and hatred for my fellow human (the best examples of which being my girlfriend and nazis respectively) and I’m not gonna let anyone take that away from me again.

oh my god you have no idea how hard it is not to self harm rn. it is in like, every impulse. but, I resisted impulse (or intrusive thoughts, I’m not sober enough to tell the difference), so fucking hell if I’m giving up now.

no one’s going to see this, and that’s okay.

I told my girlfriend to go to sleep and put her needs first, so Imma be honest, I’m mostly writing this as a way to keep myself occupied until I sober the hell up.

AHAHAHAH!

my anarchism sideblog that I abandoned weeks ago is getting notes! that’s fuckin hilarious! good on ya for paying attention to it I guess!

oh dear lord I’m rambling, but see, last time I rambled on tumblr it was in tags! and I’m not using tags on this post (save for one, for archiving purposes)! that’s, like, progress or some shit! or maybe just the gradual decay of my ability to give a shit!! who knows? who cares! I said the first time that I wanted to get drunk and fuck my best friend but you know what she’s my girlfriend now and you know what? I’m fuckin down for it! sex!! oh my fucking got I can’t wait! oh fucking hell I’m going to regret airing all this out in public but fuck you it’s barely fucking public and no one gives a shit about my life (least of all my parents) except for my girlfriend and oh my god I have a girlfriend! this is amazing!

uh... fuck you, fuck the gevernment, and fuck. tennis!

I don’t even know that reference

[onbeinganangel]

least read fics ✨

i was tagged by @danpuff-ao3 and @sweet-s0rr0w (see their posts here, and here, respectively, and go read those unloved hidden gems pls and thanks) to share my 5 least read fics on ao3, by either hits or kudos. this game was going around for National Author's Day and, as per usual, i'm so late it's not even fashionable anymore. ooopsies. thank you for the tags, pals!

while i think both hits and kudos are very flawed statistics i decided to go with hits for this one. my least read five, from the very bottom up are:

2020 Microfics [1100 words, 22 drarry microfics, rated E, warnings vary]

A collection of microfics written for Drarry Microfic's 2020 prompts.

a little too good to be true [800 words, ginsy, rated T, no warnings]

For a date that had started with Pansy surreptitiously pulling her phone out and texting Draco, in all caps, “You told me it was someone I didn’t know, you actual ballbag” the blind date had gone surprisingly well. It helped that Pansy accidentally blurted out what Draco had told her as soon as she laid eyes on Ginny, and Ginny laughed and replied with a “Well, Harry said, and I quote ‘She’s really lovely, give her a chance,’ so here I am.”

do it again [750 words, drarry, rated T, no warnings]

Luna,

I’m sorry. I know it’s the second time we’ve had to reschedule this interview. Work has been mental today and Ron got punched in the face. (He’s fine, it was kind of funny.) Draco will be mardy so if you have any of those hibiscus biscuits of yours with the lemon icing that you could spare, send him home with a few. I’ll owe you.

Tell him I’m really sorry and I’ll see you both at the Gala tonight.

H x

overture [115 words, drarry, rated T, no warnings]

In which Harry tells Draco all about his life.

2021 Microfics [5050 words, 95 drarry microfics, rated E, warnings vary]

A collection of microfics written for Drarry Microfic's 2021 prompts.

i accidentally rambled on (who's suprised? not me) about stats and about quality and about hits vs. kudos and all that nonsense so i'm putting the rest of this post under a cut. before that though, i'm going to link you to what is my 6th fic with the least amount of hits, because i am honestly appalled that it ranks 6th, as it's one of my favourite things i have ever written.

the underdog, the honourable mention, the but-mari-that's-not-in-the-rules:

Liturgia Horarum [1500, drarry, rated M, no warnings]

From morning melodies to evening encores, a day in the life through the soundtrack of routine.

and now, for my thoughts:

except for that last minute mention, the actual bottom 5 doesn't really surprise me at all. we have both sets of microfics, 2020's and 2021's and I think we all agree short form (especially extremely short form like micros) does much better on tumblr, plus the fact that they're all under the same work on ao3 despite it not being a cohesive story isn't super helpful. they're mostly there for archival purposes, and mostly for me. i do love having them all in the same place, and it does help me personally when i lose perspective. sometimes i open it just so i can tell myself "look at that, you wrote all those 50 word wee fuckers in numerous genres and styles, and tropes and ideas, all of them about the same two guys" lmao as a reader, i would much prefer to come across microfics and drabbles on tumblr than crammed into one work on ao3, so that makes sense to me.

the other three are T rated, short, and on top of that one of them is femslash too! (truly the holy trifecta of nopes, let's be honest there). so, really. this is unsurprising all around.

it's interesting though, because i'm a curious cat, and i couldn't help compare this to my stats by kudos — do keep in mind i never open my statistics page so looking at it to make this post was really cool! i notice that while i understand why none of these have more hits, they're pieces i quite like, personally. they're nowhere near my favourite things i've ever written, but they're stuff i think it's decent. i think they're alright.

on the other side of that though, are my kudos. when i sort by kudos, both sets of microfics are still on that bottom 5, which again, makes sense. BUT very different fics join those at the bottom of the list. interestingly, the other three fics are quite possibly my least favourite things i've written, the ones i keep on ao3 for the sake of archival but secretly pray no one ever reads! they are a lot higher hit-wise than the ones on the list above (E rated, generally quite porny though the writing/tropes/pairings are rather questionable), but they're at the bottom kudos-wise, which is a fun revelation! maybe it means my own judgement isn't that clouded and that readers and i agree when stuff is a bit... you know, shit. LOL

i find it really fun to look at this kind of thing. i do think the whole point of the game was sharing our less-loved stuff in way of reccommending it/getting it more love, and i ended up just analysing the statistics page. i do enjoy all of these, and none of them are shit, but if you were gonna pick any, for the love of god, read Liturgia Horarum.

can't think of who to tag, but if you haven't done it and you have read all my stupid rambling, you should do it and tag me on it so i can look, thank you <3

[time-variance-archive]

Welcome to the Time Variance Archive blog

This archive is dedicated to analysing the Disney+ Loki series and its various narrative themes.

Most of the posts here will be mine, but I'll also reblog and share posts and articles from other websites that I find interesting.

If you want to join me on this adventure, I'll be more than happy to publish your asks and submissions as long as you follow the guidelines.

Master list of my posts :

What makes a Loki a Loki ? a metaphysical response to the nature of variants

Hard worldbuilding vs soft worldbuilding

“There are no Time-Keepers” : why does it matter ?

What Sylvie (and Sylki) means to me.

Character appreciation post : He Who Remains

He Who Remains is the embodiment of the statu quo

Ramblings and predictions for season 2 regarding the multiversal war

Doylist analysis of the time loop scene : what narrative purpose does it serve ?

A short analysis of Loki and Mobius

Me infodumping about Ravonna Renslayer's story in the comics

My stance on the Loki vs Sylvie battle of opinions

Loki's fear of uncertainty and chaos

Sylvie and the devil symbolisms

Theory : all the Lokis in the Void are redeemed Lokis

Another analysis of Sylvie’s arc : understanding the complexity of systemic issues

Trying to explain some "plot holes" with evidence and complete bs of my own invention ^^

A heartfelt tribute to Victor Timely

Tags :

general writing : posts about creative writing and litterary analysis. Not directly related to the Loki series.

watsonian analysis : analysis from an in-universe pov

doylist analysis : analysis from a writing pov

headcanon : theories and personal interpretations not directly confirmed by the show

metaphysics : meta posts using metaphysical concepts (hey, my philosophy degree didn't get me a job, but at least I can flex on Tumblr)

loki series criticism : negative aspects of the show and potentially triggering materials

character analysis

tags by characters

Rules :

This blog is a drama-free zone. We're here to share our love for the Loki series, not our bitterness towards the fandom.

Sometimes, analysis includes criticism, and that's okay. However, all criticism must be in good faith : bad writing isn't the same as not liking something, and not every unexplained thing is a plot hole.

No ad-hominem attacks, either against other fans, cast and crew member or characters. All characters matter and they're all beautiful pieces in this narrative machine.

While it is important to acknowledge social issues in fandom, this blog won't include any controversial topic. The reason is simple : minorities aren't monolithic blocks. I've met all sort of poeple with all sort of opinions on the Internet, and while trying to validate someone's grievances, you might end up hurting another person. Also, I don't have the authority to talk about those issues, and might accidentally say something offensive. If you are curious about those issues, I would invite you to visit other blogs curated by poeple personally affected.

Finally, this is a nerdy blog. Media analysis doesn't always have to be factual and serious. Go wild and put on your tinfoil hat !

About me :

My main is queen-of-meows. I created this side blog because the tagging system on Tumblr is bad and I often lose my own posts. Also, I wanted to have a clean blog where I can curate a masterlist.

A few infos about me, so you know where I come from.

Other fandoms : Doctor Who, Final Fantasy VII, Puella Magi Madoka Magica. I also like Steven Universe. I am not really a MCU fan. I watched some of it in a casual way, enjoyed part of it, got bored with other parts. This is not a MCU negative statement, I just don't really vibe with everything. I am more into some specific comics (generally linked to the Loki series).

Music : I really love Nightwish. It's not really relevant, except when I will randomly post Nightwish songs that remind me of the Loki series, or quote Nightwish. That's how my brain works. I also really love Akira Yamaoka, many independant artists I know from Youtube and some old Lana Del Rey songs, as well as game and movies OST.

Books : I love Neil Gaiman and my new year resolution was to read all of his books, including the least famous ones. As a teen I was obsessed with His Dark Materials. Parallel dimensions ? Multiversal love story ? Mission to kill the supreme creator . Hmmm, maybe there is a pattern somewhere ^^.

My ships : Sylki is my main ship. My other main ship is Ravonna/Mobius. It's a very rare pair but have my reasons to ship them. But I also enjoy reading Lokius fanfictions, and looking at cute Lokius fanarts. I'm a multishipper and I don't mind the ship as long as I enjoy the story.

@ladylowkeyed

@bushs-world

@mareebird

@spoonietimelordy

@asgardian-viking

@storyplease

@honeyx666x

I might add poeple if I see you liking my posts !

[somerandomgonk20]

Okay so! NERDY RAMBLE POST LETS GO 

(about like audio stuff, major geek out post)

this is all for archival purposes btw, its a live recording of a niche album from a niche artist (I'm not even sure this is the studio release i think its more ripped straight from the soundboard, I think there's two Mi Sei Appraso’s and i know for a fact i cant find one so I, well went out of my way to make sure I'd always have this one

This is an MP3 a little LQ side render so i can shove it on Tumblr.

I got the ‘original’ recording down at about 48khz though tbh I'd guess the recording OG is probably resting A couple notches lower ((i mean the 90′s indie venues it was probs recorded onto tape lets be real and i mean the slight hiss and general sound supports that, (not to say cassette cant sound fucking great when it wants too mind you) but you know those warm tones, the slightly tinny high ends. classic cassette hallmarks))

CONTACT ME IF YOU WANT THE ALBUM FR idk its just gonna be sat around otherwise, full lossless version is about 270MB i mean its more for personal use but whatever. (im also saving more standard MP3 forms sitting at about 70mb total) 

there's only one upload of the album i can find anywhere, and with jason molina dead and the official archives that got put up are sadly not as supported or atleast under maint? maybe... anyways a whole heap of stuff is partially lost and youtube uploads are sketch as fuck for long term upkeep. srs doubt on longevity, there was a very brief vinyl pressing but oml that was over 30 years ago and small batch, actually not to mention this doesnt seem to be the album release as much as a proto live performance so maybe its even rarer tbh tbh though worth mentioning what drove me to this is being unable to get the offical album anywhere as the YouTube upload was taken down so rip oh yeah, the small popularity boom he had seems to be largely faded. but welp welp. audio stuff is fun

(thankfully because these are indie gigs in the 90's most of them seem saved to HQ cassette Reels but it means theres a little more room for my inexperience and screw ups and honestly means i dont have to save it to the absolute maximum file quality to match recording quality [i mean i still did but sue me] anyways, fun time c: o yea yea)

idk im just proud of myself, tinkering with audio always makes me smile. this isnt really for anybody as much as i just, like talking about this stuff. 

oh ya only fair, Source i grabbed these from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO1VKARclM4

RIP jason 16/3/13

[xx-motionless-in-macabre-xx]

tw: sexual assault, grooming, abuse of minors

I wanted to make a post adressing the mutiple controversies revolving around alt emo or scremo bands in the last couple years. Some of you may be aware I was a bandom blog back in the day. Personally I have never had any negitive experiences with bands and I consider myself very lucky because of that. I want to say that I absolutely stand with the victims of these abusers and I condemn these band members actions.

Some people may ask they why don't you delete your old posts or blog? Thats a good question and Honestly I've waited so long to adress it because the answer is ... complicated.

On the one hand delating this blog would be easiest I've made thousands of posts many of which glorify these abusers and trying to sift through it would be extremely time consuming. My mental health is curently in crisis atm so I'm not in a place to look at all those posts and consider the implications of my blog on the scene. (not that I really mde a dent I have 1000 followers most of which are deactivated or bots)

I know that realistically a half dead blog is wothless but I worked hard on these posts building a following on tumblr is hard (tbh still the most success I've had ever) and I spend a shit ton of time on these honestly stupid pointless posts. I know its probably selfish but I don't want to throw it all away. especially since this blog is also an archive of my formative years I posted a LOT of cringey shit on here but its a history of me if that makes any sense. It's a virtual diary in a way, insite to who I was and how that has made me who I am.

(I'm rambling and this is gonna be all over the place sorry in advance)

There is a small part if me (admitily probably selfish part) that still belives I could use this for somthing good that I could help in a way....there is a part of me that wants this blog to be an example of just how deep some of us were in these bandoms, just how brainwashed to problimatic behavior we were. we idolized these people we put our blind trust that these bands (who for some of us saved our lives) would never hurt us and they betrayed that trust. I feel like haveing an unedited record of how much we loved these bands is important a lot of peole dont understand why this was so upseting. Why some peole still dont want to fully believe it. This blog is context to just how deep this betrayal is just how much they have hurt us.

to carifly I don't think I ever defended a band after aligations or anything like that this was all pre-scandals.

Because of these reasons I have decided I will not be deleting or editing this blog. If my blogs somewhat problimatic past makes you uncomfortable then I totally understand if you unfollow. This is as much as I'm going to touch on the subject I don't need or want to share my opinions on each bands aligations im not going to comment on the "do we still listen to them or not." i've made mistakes and done a lot of shity things online so I'm not the peron to decide whats moraly right or wrong.

As of November 2021 this blogs sole purpose is just a personal blog. Anything posted before 2021 should not be considered as my current thoughts or opinions.

thanks for sticking with me if you have heres to a better future

-Emma (she/they)

[nastyatticman]

If Slashers had horny Tumblrs...

What it says on the tin! HC post for if Jason, Bubba, Brahms, & Billy (Lenz) had their own tumblrs for horny content. (18+ only)

If you like these, feel free to send a request for other characters if you want :D

Contains : adult content, discussions of kink & brief mention of sexual harassment

Jason Voorhees

Very barebones bio that gives some basic info - his age, his gender/pronouns, and a warning this blog contains adult content. 

Doesn’t get updated often, and it’s usually all at night. Mostly consists of content he reblogs from different creators (artists/sex workers, etc)

Don’t expect a fancy theme or anything - he only uses his phone for horny content since he shares a computer with his sweet old boomer mom.

A good mix - largely pictures people post of themselves or art he likes. Sometimes he’s in a Mood and reblogs a bunch of very specific kinky posts - text posts with affirmations from doms, risqué art, gif sets of people in gear.

He doesn’t have a huge following or anything, just a handful of mutuals and spam bots he doesn’t clear out frequently. But when he posts anything he thinks could be too intense he makes sure to tag it with warnings, just in case.

Sometimes leaves little compliments for people - he’s usually too shy to message people directly but he’ll reblog their posts and say nice things in the tags. Nothing too forward, usually things like “you look so handsome here!” 

Bubba Sawyer

Makes sure not to put any identifying info but he usually puts his age/vague age range (“in my 30s”) because people ask for that.

A collection of stuff he likes, mostly pictures or gifs or the odd video or audio post. 

A lot of mostly vanilla content - again, what turns him on, what he can jerk it to easily. Stuff he can focus on when he’s really trying to get off. I feel like he’s more likely to reblog a gif set of people just going at it or pictures of a hot person in lingerie or cute undies than anything with too much of a kink/fetish focus. But not always.

I’m not sure if our Bubba can read/write very well so I can’t see him reblogging or writing long text posts, but there will be a few short ones here and there. 

He’s a little too nervous to post intimate pics publicly but I can see him on a very very confident day posting pics of just his hands after seeing people talk abt how they like strong hands.

Again, doesn’t write a lot, so he doesn’t add comments to reblogs or anything

He may leave nice things in tags tho! Like Jason he sometimes leaves little compliments for people whose content he reblogs (ur dress is so pretty!). Sometimes he tags things with certain emojis that seem to have some kind of meaning… a mood he’s in… or maybe they remind him of someone he likes?

Brahms Heelshire

VERY detailed very organized pinned post with info about him including a list of his kinks, and what interactions he wants/doesn’t want. Also, places to send him tribute. Not that he needs the money, of course, but he wouldn’t mind if you got him something off his wishlist. (Wink wink nudge nudge.)

I see him as a switch who leans heavily towards submissive with a bratty streak. However people tend to assume he’s more dominant since he reblogs more dom centered text posts (he’s usually imagining he’s the sub in those scenarios).

Has a decent following since he will periodically produce a lot of original content - mostly text posts, or audio, and the occasional picture where his face is obscured and no naughty bits are showing directly. He errs on the side of caution since he doesn’t want to get struck down by the tumblr nipple police, and also because are you kidding me his family has a reputation to uphold, he can’t afford to get caught 

Tumblr is his main horny platform of choice because he finds it easier to organize content he likes into an archive, and there’s more privacy. He tried making an nsfw account on other platforms before, but because of linked accounts and email fuckery he got recommended to follow a family friend and nearly shat himself. (He has a good handle on privacy and he knows that person couldn’t find him - he double checked his privacy settings after that - but it still scared him off that website, at least for that purpose.)

Because he has a decent following he also has a few mutuals he’s messaged periodically. He’s varying degrees of close - some only know him from his posts, some know his main tumblr, some may even be following him on other platforms as “long distance friends”

Every once in a while debates about having his own server for his simps followers, but he’s not sure about using his discord where he keeps in touch with friends/family for it or making a new one. You’re welcome to message him if you’re mutuals or you send him some cash first ❤️

Billy Lenz

What do you mean, “horny on main”? What, like you have an alt?

His blog is like, 98% porn but every once in a while he’ll reblog a non porn post to get into an argument.

“You sure have a lot of opinions on Canadian politics for a hentai blog 🤔”

Mostly an archive of stuff he finds hot at the time, without rhyme or reason - reblogs, links to other websites, etc. mostly chaos, but it seems like every once in a while he tries to have some kind of tagging system.

He sometimes posts original content - sometimes rambling text posts about the kind of sex he wants to have, very rarely pictures of himself. that he deletes immediately after in fear of getting flagged.

When it comes to audio posts… the Moaner lives up to his name. Although he’s not skilled with recording - clearly doing it on his phone - His audios aren’t half bad if you can find them. Usually captioned with something about how he made them or what he was thinking about when he made them.

Let’s be real, canon Billy had like no concept of consent. Or just didn’t care, because he wanted to scare and intimidate people. He’s definitely been blocked by people for sending creepy messages/asks or adding unwanted captions to their posts. When he wants to hit on someone in a way that means they may reciprocate, he’s nicer, but people are still (understandably) put off by him.

At his most polite though, he’d be the type to send an ask to someone saying he hopes they come to Toronto so that he can eat their hot pink cunt and make them cum on his thick tongue and fat, juicy cock. (This is regardless of factors like their actual location, whether or not they have a cunt, or travel guidelines due to the pandemic.)

[rrrawrf-writes]

lordy lordy loo it’s been a hot minute since i’ve made an original post, i forgot where the button was

so. some of you may have seen the stuff running around about violetvineyard and mvcreates, some of you may not have. i’m just gonna lay out my experiences here, now that other people are talking about it and now that the server has been deleted. i’m gonna try to present a fair and nuanced version; i’m not gonna include screenshots (right now) bc i’m lazy, mostly.

there are several other people who are putting up way better breakdowns than i am. i just figured i might as well toss mine onto the pile bc why not? but if you’re hoping to hear from me a story about how i’ve been wronged, per se, you won’t find much of one, because i played mainly a spectator role, and never had much trouble there. i will have a vague, lukewarm defense of some of the people involved that other people may not agree with, but again, this is all just the whole VV deal from my point of view.

@nuwuhorizons (i haven’t said how dang much i lOVE your url) and @sapiencenotes have very good receipts and breakdowns. if you want a more in-depth (and dramatic, forgive me for using the word, i’m not trying to downplay this), check them out. @time-to-write-and-suffer also has some great stuff on their blog about all of this.

all righty. so. i joined VV not right at the beginning, but soon after it was started. there was an application process, i got accepted, i was looking for a community to help me start writing more. (it didn’t help, but that’s not their fault, that’s mine.) the person who owned the server was called mina, and on tumblr, mina’s url was mvcreates. mina is a nonbinary Muslim woman of color, a professional who i believe works at harvad and deals a lot with things like infectious diseases, iirc. she was doing a whole lot of work when the pandemic came around, and so the past few months wasn’t quite as active as she had been at the start, both on the server and tumblr. 

the very first time mina came on my radar, before i joined vv, was because she had corrected someone’s typo on a post, and it stirred up a minor drama about “don’t give unsolicited criticism” and “is pointing out minor errors like that okay” and blahblahblah. i ran across that on a friend’s dash, and also ran across the promo for vv from that friend’s dash, as well, and joined bc y not.

everything was p cool for a while. it was nice to meet some new people and some of my mutuals on there. mina seemed like a fun person. she was about a year, year and a half, maybe, older than i am. the first things that kind of started rubbing me wrong at the start was how she would kind of dismiss suggestions for the server than i and a friend had, and how she kept bringing up her age - she would often say things like “well i wouldn’t do that but i’m an Old(TM) so maybe i just don’t get it” and i can’t really explain why that bothered me. i think it felt dismissive, like Younger Folks Don’t Know How Things Should Work. also, like. she kept bringing it up. as if it meant something, as if plenty of us on that server weren’t actually around her age. there was a convo on vaccinations where i wanted to make the point that a lot of anti-vaxxers should be educated instead of ridiculed and shamed, but i never really got to making that point bc she jumped in very sharply and explained that anti-vaxxers all come from a class of people who are generally educated. i didn’t bother saying anything else. 

at the start, it was tiny little things like that. i chalked it up to her personality and mine just not quite matching up. i sat down a lot and examined my own internal biases, bc i knew something was bugging me, but i couldn’t tell if it was legitimate, or if i was jealous and petty, or if i was being discriminatory towards her identity. i still wonder that a lot; i want to be careful that i’m examining her actions here, and not the person who made those actions.

because the other thing that bothered me was that she was perfect at pretty much everything. she was a decent, if not good, writer, from what i read. i thought her “art”/edits were neat, even if sometimes i looked at them going “that just looks like an edit, not your own art, but u kno, edits are art too, so i’m not gonna say anything.” she had a lot of motivation, a lot of ambition. soon, this kind of transferred over into me feeling like she acted like she had to be perfect at everything. i think this is probably one of the more “lisa is just being petty” things, rather than a judgement on her character, but she seemed to flaunt her own skills and accomplishments a lot. not that no one is allowed to brag sometimes! but it was just another layer of “this bothers me.”

then there was the hero worship.

people in the server loved mina. i liked her. i had no problems with her, even if there were a few things i was a little “ehhhh” about. vv got pretty big, pretty quickly, and i assume there was a decent amount of turnover and people who just joined to lurk or sometimes share things in the promos channel or elsewhere. but the most active folks just. they adored mina with every fiber of their being. mina could do no wrong. no one ever called her out on anything; everything she did was hailed as fantastic and wonderful. and honestly, for the most part, it wasn’t like she was doing crappy stuff. some of the praise was well-deserved, imo, but it just bordered on embarrassing for some of these people, how much they just worshipped the ground she walked on.

and she didn’t really like, discourage it. like, at the start, i think i remember her being more modest, but in general, she just let it go, and so did i, bc like. i aint that kinda jerk.

the stated purpose of violetvineyard was to have a community that valued reciprocity. reciprocity was mina’s biggest thing. there was a channel for people to post their stuff on, so the rest of us could browse and read and reblog. i, admittedly, didn’t do as much of that as i wish i did, but part of it was because i do have a life outside of the internet, a memory and attention span the size of a gnat, and because like. 90% of the stuff that people put in the promos channel were things like edits, writeblr intros, wip intros, etc etc, when all i wanted was to just read some actual writing. but that’s neither here nor there. what got hilarious to me, though, was whenever mina’s fervent admirers would talk about how mina was, quote, a pillar of the community. how vv was doing something No Other Writeblr Group Had Done Before. how Important and Special this server was.

folks. i’ve been on here for several years now. we don’t have a community. we have a bunch of little cliques who reblog from their friends and complain about people not reblogging them. noah fence, but come on. vv got pretty dang big, but it was still a small corner of a small section of tumblr. like. sorry, all y’all, but them’s the breaks.

also, this was hilarious to me bc there are several big writeblrs who have been running around long before mina and vv showed up. yet, according to these people in the server, mina had Single-handedly Brought Hope To This Desolate Wasteland.

in the end, vv became just another little clique whose members reblogged from their friends. i don’t want to devalue the good that did come out of vv. a lot of the picture being painted rn was that the majority of the server were scary dog-piling people. the majority of the server were just writeblrs looking to promo their stuff and talk about their writing. unfortunately, few bad apples, bad rep, negatives outshine positives, etc etc. but i think it did do some good re: exposure for a few folks, even tho it didn’t turn into what it could have been. 

another one of the things that was a minor irritant to me was that they eventually started archiving the vent channel, which was probably the most-used channel. that didn’t sit right to me, but as always, i was a coward had nothing to say about it, so i didn’t. the reason given was that there were often things in the vent channel that people might regret being there, so it was periodically archived and a fresh channel started.

so i’m rambling a lot about stuff that’s probably boring and inconsequential. that’s 90% of this whole vv thing, tho, you need to understand that. 

the biggest thing that bothered me about mina, i think, came about from the constant hero worship from her adoring fans. and i know there’s a whole argument to be said about expecting labor from people with marginalized identities, which is an argument i agree with - don’t expect someone of a minority group to educate you or to face trauma or to shut down bigots, etc etc. but by now, mina had a lot of followers in general, and in specific, she had quite a few people who would defend her at every single perceived slight.

she made a lot of those fun writeblr reblog games, like “send me a fruit that says this about my writing.” those were cool, i’ll admit that. but she was super into “you have to send an ask to the person you reblog from, RECIPROCITY!!!!!!!!!!!” and seemed to struggle with the fact that sometimes, people don’t follow her established rules on her posts for these games. she’d complain about it every single time that happened in the vent channel, which, again, that’s fine? that’s what vents are for, it’s annoying to not get cool fun asks when you do these games, but also, that’s life for you. she could depend on her fans to send her plenty of asks, whereas the much smaller blogs who reblogged these games would probably get f-all, half the time. if you’ve gone through nuwuhorizons or one of the other blogs i mentioned earlier, you’ll have run across the incident where mina’s friends harrassed an 11 year old for not doing her ask game right.

an eleven year old. 

and this is my biggest grief with mina. she only stopped her friends from dogpiling people... once? maybe twice? that i remember. and not only that, but there were SEVERAL occasions where she would get on the vent channel, complain about someone who had said something wrong on one of her posts (and sometimes, again, these were legitimate!), and then ask if someone in the server wanted to reply to them. reasons for such ranged from “i’m too busy rn” to “they would probably listen more to a white person than me.”

again. this, on occasion, is not necessarily a bad thing. we cannot expect labor and response from minorities. my issue was that she kept doing this. and sometimes it was fine, just someone who would drop a note on the post or send a polite anon. but this, to me, the whole asking someone else to fight your battles for you? that really bothered me. mina is a grown adult. either ignore it, like the rest of us chumps, or deal with it yourself. having friends support you is not a bad thing - if i was attacked on tumblr and my friends jumped in to defend me, i’m cool with that. but i wouldn’t ask them to, and then not do anything myself.

to me, this attitude just encourages dogpiling. this felt like she was taking advantage of the people admiring her so whole-heartedly, and using them to deal with minor grievances. (again, i don’t want to downplay some of the actual racism and xenophobia she experienced on this website, because there was some pretty sketchy stuff that did need someone else stepping in to object to. but then there was “ugh this person asked me what program i use to make my music and i don’t want to answer them bc that’s rude,” and stuff of that caliber. like, mina, you built yourself a pretty big following here on tumblr, you don’t get to complain when people are trying to ask you questions and engage with you when you set yourself up as a knowledgeable person on a subject.)

i’m going to mention @gingerly-writing because she already made a post on the subject, but there was an instance where we were in the vent channel and watched a lot of mina’s friends send anons and reblogs of a hurtful nature to one person. eventually, ginger stepped in to say “hey, i don’t think we need to keep doing this, they are a minor,” and after she did so, i also jumped in, saying something along the lines of, “yeah, i’ve seen this kind of stuff blow up in another server and end in a really regrettable situation where no one was happy, can we stop.” both ginger and i received a private message from the mods (individually) saying that we shouldn’t police the chat, etc etc. not during that message, but on the vent channel, another mod jumped in to say that the people dogpiling the blogger were also minors. as if that makes it okay, and isn’t actually extremely worrying in its own right.

after that, i pretty much took a stance of “all right then i just won’t say anything at all.” i stuck around vv because i hated myself actually really liked a few of the others in the server, including a couple of the mods who are actually really cool people, not all the vv mods are sketch, and because honestly? i lowkey knew that vv was going to crash and burn sometime, and i wanted to be there to watch what happened. due to the pandemic, and her line of work, mina became less active, and the whole server died down a bit. 

then someone reblogged one of mina’s ‘art’ posts and accused her of tracing. mina’s admirers immediately jumped into action. nuwuhorizons has it pretty well documented on their blog. there was nothing in the server about it, except one of the others said “oh man i saw that and it pissed me off,” there was some minor chat, and then i woke up and wanted to know what had happened, and was told “don’t worry about it.”

so, naturally, bc the only thing i thirst for is water and Drama(TM), i went looking for it.

found it on some of mina’s friend’s blogs, where i found who had reblogged and said mina was tracing, and followed those reblog chains, where several of mina’s followers attacked the accuser and made fun of their name and age and defended mina, pulling out progress videos and stuff of mina’s work. the accuser was trans and still a teenager, even if technically an adult, so that made things a lot worse. mina eventually posted something explaining that she was pencil tracing and had a very cheery, false-positive tone to the whole thing.

things sorta ended at that, but then maybe the same day, or the day after, user hyba made that big ol post about the Big Scary Tumblr Mirror Website Copying All Your Good, Hard Work. mina and her friends jumped on this. they threw it in the server and talked about things like intellectual property rights and “i don’t like how this makes me feel :(” and from there, went in to how tumblr was a terrible garbage site and then mina and most of the mod team decided that it was time to pack up VV and leave tumblr completely. 

pretty much everyone i know were mina’s besties have vanished off tumblr. mina made an announcement that VV was “migrating” off tumblr and discord(???) and dropped another application to join the great vv migration. i did not apply bc i just have too freaking much going on in my life and needed to get out of this for the sake of my own mental health. it was tempting as hell, tho, i will say that. 

a couple things about this - at the time, mina is also having some pretty bad things going on in her family. she was very vague on the details, but i think that really contributed to wanting to leave; on top of the pandemic and everything else, she was probably heckin stressed. but also like. she never called out her followers for attacking her accuser. she never made any sort of post talking about it. she never told her friends on the server “hey don’t do that.” she never took accountability for it, or, honestly, for anything else she or her friends have done that didn’t feel too good. the mirror sites aren’t really a big deal. 

after the server was archived, it was left up a couple days so everyone could grab contact info, etc. during this time, i was checking the ‘violetvineyard’ tag and saw someone post “what happened to mvcreates they haven’t answered my application to vv,’ and i responded with “oh, the server closed down bc of the copy cat sites.”

the same day, i got a tumblr DM from one of the former mods asking me not to give away any details about vv leaving tumblr. it was very politely worded and everything, but it was still just like

okay? vv is over? why are you asking me not to say anything. and it wasn’t like i was even spilling any hot goss, i was just repeating the excuse (and i do mean excuse) mina gave us. 

anyway, that mod is off tumblr, too, as far as i know, or else they stealthin. which is fine, u do u, buddy.

uhh conclusion time, i guess? i have a few scattered screenshots of things, but i’m not posting em bc i’m lazy and also running late for a thing. but really, for me, i didn’t have a whole lot of beef with mina or pretty much any of the other folks on vv. i thought that mina and her friends were a bit too eager for blood, and that really bothered me. i’m annoyed they shut down vv completely, because it could actually have been something great. if mina wanted off writeblr, i wish she had given the whole network over to people interested in running it; instead, what was a good thing for a lot of people is now completely gone, with no existing framework for people to build on. sure, anyone can go make their own network/family for writeblr, but now it’s just going to splinter into a bunch of different, smaller groups, and we’re all back to square one.

but whatever. i didn’t get to see the server go down in flames, instead it just ended with a hasty retreat and a few whimpers, and quite honestly i wished my staying in had paid off.

i do want to reiterate - there were quite a few people in vv who i think are great, and this does include some of the mods themselves.

i’ve also gotten a couple messages from a few other folks who had been in vv who have their own real, real sketch stories, which are making me rethink how i feel about mina and her friends, and all the good credit i gave them. i just wanted to present this bc it’s my blog and i do what i want, fight me.

and if anyone wants to chat about vv, hit me up. i keep things as private as you want them to be, and i love love love talking about this nonsense. Give Me The Deets.