#purely for when i travel
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m23 was really just a whole kaishin date
#kaishin#this kaishin date movie really cockblocked avengers lol#dc prattles#also shinichi you didnt have to join the merlion pic yet you're still there!!!! your “i was forced to do this” face cant trick me!!!!#you couldve easily said no and yet!!!!!!!!!!!!#kudou “i will pout and complain the entire time but i'll still do what the people i love wants me to do” shinichi#also i think kaito would want to travel the world#i hope he gets to do lots of magic tours around the world#maybe as kid but most definitely as himself too!!!!!#(yes kid is also a part of him but also!!! i want his name kuroba kaito on the posters!!!! with magic tricks in his own repertoire!!!!!!#with no agenda or mission just performing magic purely for himself and the joy of it#and a seat reserved for shinichi always!!!!!#i feel like kaishin would love to travel the world even though a part of me thinks they would also be such homebodies lol#a good balance of both perhaps#during tours where shinichi goes with kaito#shinichi usually tries out all the seafood and any marine life related activities when kaito is busy preparing for the show
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Most important thing to know before writing: What is the point of your story?
There are two parts to that question.
-What are the main story elements you want to feature? A certain character? A setting? A moment of the plot? A particular theme? Which elements are essential to the story you're trying to tell?
-What type of ending are you aiming toward? It doesn't have to be super-detailed, but knowing something about where the story is going is how you know you have a story and not just an image. Is the main character going to change/grow somehow? Learn the answer to a question? Accomplish a certain goal? Make a friend?
Defining those things before you start lets you know that your idea is a story, not just an image or a concept that won't go anywhere. It also gives you a core to base the story around and keeps you from going off-track.
As long as you have defined the essentials to the story and the general direction that you need the story to go in, everything else is negotiable. You have freedom to adjust the non-essentials and explore different possibilities as you discovery-write, so long as none of those non-essentials interfere with the point of the story. If it distracts from the main point, or turns the plot in a way that'll make it impossible to reach main point of the story, it needs to be discarded. Anything else will most likely enrich your story.
#adventures in writing#i'm writing in the second person but i'm talking to me#i'm always trying to distill these realizations in ways that will stick#this is once again me trying to find out my particular balance between discovery and planning#i can't just free-write#i need to know the point of the story otherwise i just flail around in pointless details#i can't plan everything otherwise i'm constrained and frustrated#when i find that the plan that worked so well in my head doesn't translate at all to a sequential story#and this time travel story has been yet another case study in that#discovery writing brought out so many cool details and made the story richer than it could have been through pure outlining#however getting too caught up in those details veered me away from the story#it might be a good story but it's not the story i wanted#it makes the time travel and the narrative conceit superfluous#makes it impossible to focus on the relationship and the themes i wanted to feature#so i need to step back again and define what the essential elements of the story are#what is the main point of this story?#and then cut everything that interferes with that story shape#the beginning i was writing was the beginning to another story entirely#i may end up writing that second story#or i may need to adjust the beginning to get back to the story i wanted#but defining the essentials needs to be the first step
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giggling kicking my feet blushing madly
#fun fact it did indeed take me until the literal end of railway to actually invest anything into train defenses.#both bc of the scoundrel's stupid railway board comp and also bc i wanted luxuries first#i only upgraded it because i realized it was what scales dangerous checks when traveling along the railway.#the scoundrel LITERALLY only invested in safety measures out of its own self interest#yin-thoughts#fallen london#technically speaking sometimes there's choices too cruel even for me and i do indeed go the heroic route#that's why the scoundrel has an occasional (admittedly usually actively dying) sense of empathy/remorse#it's all so i can (rp-wise) justify being a stupid soft rpg player in a playthrough that's otherwise pretty much purely a villain run#like at the end of evolution with the naturalist. if the scoundrel had control over their own account they'd go hanged man#but bc i got attached to him it's just scoundrel lore that they're a guy who sucks and occasionally does one (1) good thing per month#before immediately going back to being evil#they've really evolved over the course of me playing FL. it's been a delight to play and hopefully a delight for yall to witness#scoundrelventures
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Brushing up on my writing through pit diving publicly into COTL:
- I have this AU (a solid one) called Death's Shepherd. I wanted to play with the idea that the Lamb has always had an affinity to death (as I have ideas on worldbuilding) even before the massacre/genocide.
- a pinch of death and violence (war), however, in this life, they have gone down the road of death. Obviously.
- This whole Au was going to be very picky with what was taken from canon, for example:
- was going to have it where the one who waits originally wasn't going to kill the lamb. That while it very much was a chance/option, I wanted to play into the info that he /was/ tampering with life and was planning to do a switch a roo of sorts. This still would have required the sacrifice of the lamb's followers, but the one who waits figures it was a price worth paying. The lamb.... not so much.
- speaking of the one who waits and a crown on two heads. After the one who waits is defeated, it is quickly noted (by some) that Narinders' soul is tainted due to his past research/experiments. As Death should have never brought life into the world.
- which is what I'm playing with. Resurrection is one thing (especially if the body and soul are still attached) but bring whole new lives, new souls into existence? Reconstructing spuls and willing them back into their past bodies? Mmmmmm yeah that has its reprocussions.
- I also wanted to play with the crown. Where whole yes, the lamb is the new death deity, the crown is the essence of death itself, like *trying to find the words* they just are. Idk how to explain it lol but yeah.
- everything else is fairly the same, tho I am cooking up having the goat be more involved main story wise.
- the goat becoming the new war deity (goats not as wiped out but damn are those numbers low, as when the hunt for lambs first started, alot of goats were either mistaken as lambs or were protecting them).
- anyway, this was based on an idea of the lamb having to navigate their new ascension; the nature of being a deity/what it means to be one; who can and can't be: of course, typical shipping mess (i guess, they'reboth a mess but like a puzzle piece and all that); the actual damage that happens when wiping out whole as DEITIES with no back up; and wanting to see how funny it would be if Narinder was force to be the Life deity rather than death (I have a whole thing about this)
- still tinkering with Nari's design and the Lamb's Names (They will have 2)
#cotl au#cotl#fic rambles#I lied this purely came from a daydream of Nari coming back from traveling having ..... “acquired” a lamb baby and bringing them to the lamb#this and finding it funny if Nari having plant powers and getting annoyed at them growing from his fur is he isnt careful#also something something mystic merchant shenanigans#cotl fanart#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl narilamb#yellow sheet sketches are from when power was down way back- new sketches are the clean up
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omfg they killed him
#the future liberals want#lmao!!! i died when i saw this#local aquarium is having an animal crossing exhibit#i had so much fun and i am so spoiled#my two fave things the aquarium and animal crossing#but they also decorated for halloween and as soon as i saw this i was like… he’s dead… they killed him#animal crossing#acnh#acnh community#animal crosing new leaf#gulliver's travels#acnh gulliver#baby looked around with pure shock and disbelief before falling asleep and taking a fat nap#austin also got us behind the scenes tour so we were able to learn about how the aquarium functions#and how they feed the animals + personal tour#then he got us frozen yogurt i had the dairy free mango one and we ate it in the car as baby finished her nap#it was a beautiful day#OHHHH and we met THE kk slider and took pics with him#austin told him he was a huge fan
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How did the bond between Moon and Pebbles change before and after the big incident?
Before the incident, they never truly got to be siblings. Moon would be estatic to have Pebbles as a sibling and at this point feared messing up their relationship. 'I have someone to be my sibling now, someone i could talk to, i'm no longer alone in this life anymore'. So she's way too lenient and fussy over him, she overly worries about his feelings, doesn't correct him when he's acting out, and offered to do work if he thinks its too hard. Pebbles being on his stubborn phase would think Moon is too constraining with her attempts to bond and... underestimating him for not giving him adequate work. Which leads to him being distant, and their relationship remains professional despite Moon's attempts to bond.
After the collapse, Pebbles got ALOT of time to think about Moon's intentions. Sig confronting him helped him realize 'look how much she cares, shes not perfect, but you never gave her a chance' to add to the 'i caused her collapse' guilt. So the first thing in his mind when she wakes up again is 'make it up to her make it up to her make it up to her'. Moon on the other hand is freed from her can, she feels less constricted. Both in a 'im no longer stuck there' and 'i no longer feel alone since i can go meet new friends out here' way. Now its Pebbles' turn to be the fussy one out of obligation to repay his sin and fear of losing one of the only people who cares for him, even if it means getting subjected to her fussing. And along the way even if it took a while, they'd come to an understanding, set boundaries, and maybe Moon's liveliness rubbed off on Pebbles too and they can start building a more genuine sibling relationship.
#as much as i wanna believe moon is truly and purely altruistic#being senior for a long time with almost noone to be close with#itll be a lie to say she cared for pebbles JUST because of unconditional love#it is difficult to be altruistic when the people youve been nice to#are either out of sight or self centered assholes#but in that desperation for SOMEONE to care#she neglected how pebbles needed space#her being off the string gives her a sense of relief#like being physically free made her mentally free as well#does that make sense?#they both got issues and should talk about it#close relationship in any form is good but we all need space ya know#this is purely sibling relationship btw#who the hell ships pebbles and moon ew#travel puppet au#lore text
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well then. the council has spoken; i drew a bunch of it just to get my ideas formed. here's my vessel oc duke's backstory simplified
they wandered off with said spider (oh it's a shame the wastes have made them forget his name) towards a land of the sun, moon & stars -- then residing in the moon queendom of shirigrove :-) with their two partners now.
nothing terrible will happen to them at all, of course not /sarcasm (they are tragic yuri sorry)
#hollow knight#hk oc#oc lore dump woah!!!! expect more of these i guess LOL#genuinely is a pure coincidence that their horns ended up looking like crescent moons when a hatchling but now it looks cool#THIS vessel feels emotions & a strong one is love + protection#fyi the nursing back to health is that ditus IS the light (as a firefly) & mayari is a cleric therefore a healer#tyvm if you read... i feel so annoyingposting abt them oops#btw the writing is actually fairly significant? in terms of voice: duke only narrates with pronouns after meeting the spider#similar to child language acquisition pronouns are learnt in stages (thx bellugi) thru parents & first person is harder to acquire --#-- after a certain point becomes impossible#kris art#kris oc#duke#ditus#mayari#travelling band
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Update on me playing genshin: I'm at the Caribert quest thing and omg I dislike Eide so much
#maze talks about stuff#i can get the.... clinging to your son thing kinda but...#he dislikes the archons for cursing him NEVERMIND that most of them are dead??? dude the archon war was 500 years ago at least chill.#the gods never did anything to him#AND THEN he just goes religious to something that called itself a sinner????#fuckin hell that guy...#also when caribert woke up he was clearly confused and traumatized... i feel bad for the kid#also the sinner thing feels important#and if I'm correct the traveler is in the past? or dreaming?#maze plays genshin#hard to be an atheist when gods are a real tangible human beings in that setting... godspeed keanri'ahns#also the fact pure blood kaenri'ahns are immortal and non pure blood kaenri'ahns are hilichurls... Kaeya is a descendant of og kaenri'ah#idk if pure blood is the correct term sorry
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' ━Ah, so that's your brand new hiding place. '
A pair of familiar, inadvisable shoes seemingly materializes out of thin air. There's a grin on the man's face as he bends down to eye level, red hues exploring the hiding space his stray snuck in and slowly turning on the side of incredulous concern.
' How in the hell did ya managed to get in here? You're taller than me, and almost as bulk, too! Only someone like Brother Hanu could get cramped in here, and even he... '
They both know how. the Enigma doesn't answer him, limiting himself into quietly staring at his adoptive father as the playfulness in his voice disappears.
' One of these days, huh? ' A sigh. ' Come on- scoot over, 'm coming in. '
There's a long pause. Kaeya doesn't move- but he resumes speaking, a tad on the side of incredulous.
' Dad... It's too big for both of us, We'll both be stuck if you come in. '
' That so? ' The man named Gallagher sighs with relief, chuckling in the same breath. ' Right. Would have been worth a shot, though- look who's speaking again. '
It rips a chuckle out of him, for the way it always works- his dad is never afraid to do something scandalously funny to shock him out of overthinking. This includes trying to reach for him in a small, battered metal closet.
Sometimes, it's just a thing that needs to be done.
There's a can of something similiar to SoulGlad in violet-hued fingers, the comfortable silence, and his father's leg pressed against his as they sit with their backs on the wall.
A drop of condensation comes in contact with his thumb, unfelt. This is where Enigma breaks the silence.
' Dad... '
He hesitates, a million questions in his mind. He picks the closest one, reels the others in.
' This feeling of emptiness... when will it stop? I thought it was going to go away on his own, but it never did. Never does. '
There's an awry sound coming from his side. ' Hard to say, ' he starts, the movement that turns his face into a small grimace of sympathy. ' 'm kinda afraid that you put yourself into a bad situation, kid. '
' I did? '
' Yup. This... ' He gestures at Kaeya entirely, careful, ' avatar that you took, the one you told me belongs to your friend... you're really not supposed to do that. Take his looks, I mean- it just makes everything more complicated than it needs to be. Adds a whole lot of weight where there shouldn't be. Kinda jumbles everything that should be simple... '
His dad trails off, irises taking on the looks of his stray without the irony shining in his eyes.
' You still haven't told me why ya picked him, out of all traits you could have taken. Of the amalgamate you coulda been. '
No- no, he has not. The reason only makes sense in his brain, only tie together when Kaeya Alberich has been in the life of someone for a while. And Kaeya Alberich never got to know his father at all.
His mouth opens, words lost. Impostor closes it, opens it again, shakes his head almost helplessly, the faint buzz of confusion starting behind his eyes before a warm hand ruffles his hair, stays in place over mussled cobalt locks.
' Don't sweat it, ' the man that is his father tells him, a lopsided grin on his face. ' As long as it makes sense to you, it's alright. You gotta solve this emptiness thing yourself- I can't help you much, here. '
A few pats on his dusty behind, and his dad is up and going again. Kaeya shakes his head at the hand being offered to him, signaling that he'd like to be alone and in here a little longer.
' You gotta be glad we have a lotta time to think about stuff, no? 'is the last thing he tells Kaeya before he's out, leaving a wink and the bark of a laughter behind.
and a cold can of soda, untouched.
The hut is empty. There's nobody else but him, and the unheartly silence of the abandoned planet hs picked as his residence.
Kaeya's digits follow the jagged edges of his newest wound, a gaping hole where pale diamond should be. The skin has been broken like porcelaine, long cobalt strands trying to hide the lack of eye and the emptiness where skull and human gore should be.
Gray materia floats around his head, trying to recompose him and shoo his fingers, foreign, cold objects, away from the problem. But the wound is fresh, terribly big, and the effort requires an addictional component to speed up the healing factor.
The surviving eye is as faulty as the one he took from Kaeya Alberich: all he sees are shadows dancing out of his reach, the blurry, darkened form of the table, the chairs, the kitchenette and the items he so loves to decorate having become hostile obstacles he has to avoid.
In the corner of the main room, there are two big tanks of the liquid coming from the Misty Sea- it's what he needs to fix the missing side of his head.
It's what he needs. A few steps ahead, and he'll close his digits around the neck of one. Feel around the tab in the bathub, plug it in, and pour.
Simple actions to restore himself.
But he thinks. And thinks. And he can't do this.
He can't do this.
He just can't do this.
He can't move.
But he has to.
The next minutes, perhaps hours, perhaps days, are a blur. All he knows is that, when he comes to some sort of consciousness again, his fingers are still tight around the plastic neck of a much lighter tank, the smell of the restoring liquid is right under his nose. His location seems to have changed.
Kaeya doesn't remember doing all this. All that he knows is that the ceramic of the bathub is so wonderfully cold and grounding against his warm, cracked skin, and he doesn't want to move. He has no will to, but something in his body has reacted to try and make him fix himself.
But he can't do it. His legs feel like lead, like cement.
He can't do it.
He wants to.
But he just can't do it.
Triumph and progress feeds people with some sort of frenzy, an injection of adrenaline putting them on top of the world, wanting to shout to look at them! They can accomplish ANYTHING!
But he isn't a person. It makes sense that the little energy he had after completing his mission has oozed out of him from the gaping wound.
An injury won't kill him- simply slow him down. His dad and mentor said that he has all the time in the world to do what he needs and wants to do, figure out when the emptiness ends.
Today, it doesn't. It presses him against the cold surface, and he's happy to allow his heavy body to surrender, letting his warmth disperse over it.
He can stay like this for a bit. He did what he had to do, and now it's time for him to give in to exhaustion. Just for a little bit of time, just for a small nap.
With the part of his forehead that can still feel, Kaeya curls against the side of cold marble, and lets his eyelid fall shut over the mocking of shadows dancing just out of his reach.
Maybe the emptiness never goes away. But I can rest for a bit... just for a little bit... and then I'll be good to go.
Just for a little bit...
#from another realm ━ (ooc)#riddle me this; is everything that you remember real and nothing but the pure truth? ━ (H:SR V.)#you no longer know me; shrouded in the fog of mystery ━ (H:SR V. Headcanons)#the cute bit of supportive gallag.her won't save you from the sad underneath : )#when kae.yas body tries to heal him and force him to move but hes so mentally out of it and exhausted that he blocks out doing stuff#warning that this is kind of sad#i painted it as him being alone but its ok if a muse wants to find him like this! a aftermath can be plotted... as a treat#but your muse will have a fking heart attack kjdhsdsjdf#imagine traveling with him for a while then you leave and come back to this scene#and get reminded that he may as well not be human but he sure is tired and experiences a lot... HOOO BOY does he experience a lot.#could be hurt/comfort could be angst... could be the reveal that even if he isn't human and is super reliable he has moments when hes tired#too tired to fix himself and too tired to keep going. no sense of accomplishment. no triumph#just a wound and something sad chaining him down. and he has NEVER felt this empty and tired and human before#body horror ;;#repetition ;;
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Forever love the idea of Khaenri'ahn eyes perpetually glowing in the dark. Esp bc of all the clownery that can ensue.
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Arle accidentally scaring tf outta Fremi back when the house was still under Bena's care#//Prompting her to awkwardly try and comfort him bc she didn't mean to scare he#//Thus accidentally getting more attached to him than she ever intended to (he is now her most favorite son boy)#//He no longer flinches seeing her eye glow in the halls late at night. I like to think he actually finds it comforting#//Now Kae; that one is just PURE clownery potential#//Kae damn near giving Crepus or Addie a heartattack bc the thunderings outside scared him; so he wanted to find Luc or Addie to feel safe#//But on the way he bumped into them and seeing a pair of glowing eyes in the middle of a p bad storm did NOT help their nerves at all#//If it was Crepus; I laugh the idea of him screaming and scaring tf out of Kae right back#//And him winding up having to let the poor bab sleep in his bed bc Kae for SURE isn't gonna go back to sleep on his own now#//And Diluc most certainly will NOT go to sleep if he gets wind of how scared Kae got; so now Crepus gotta take a L for the fam#//I love this idea for Traveler (& Abyss twin) too. But for Alternative reasons other than being Khaenri'ahn#//They've got smth Else goin on
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Sometimes I like to think up scenarios where Bruce dies either shortly before or shortly after meeting Tim, and the entire focus is on years into the future (like present day comics) where the world just keeps going except Bruce Wayne is dead.
There’s still an earthquake. There is an entire city wrecked with grief that’s never quite stopped grieving. There’s no uber wealthy and influential Bruce Wayne, but there’s still an entire JL and many influential people who loved Bruce willing to help Gotham in his name at least. Life goes on.
Like, Jason still resurrected. He probably already resurrected and was just wandering Gotham or in a hospital by the time Bruce died. He comes back to Gotham fully aware that his dad is dead and just sticks to the underground, never interacting with the Gotham hero community.
Speaking of the Gotham hero community, it’s more disconnected without the bats. There’s still the Birds of Prey, of course there is, but the heroes who rose up inspired by Batman and Robin just never get that spark of surety and passion. Gotham itself just feels a bit more lifeless, a bit more hopeless, without a Batman and a Robin.
Maybe there is a Batman actually, but it’s usually someone else in the suit. Maybe it’s Nightwing trying to be Batman in that initial grief but giving up at the behest of his friends. Maybe he never returned to Gotham at all, absolutely refused to. This cursed city is the gravesite of four family members. Maybe it’s Superman in the bat suit once every few months or even one a year, making himself seen just enough to keep the urban legend alive. Maybe it’s someone else entirely. A different vigilante using the name but everyone knows they’re not really Batman.
But there’s definitely no more Robins. No one thinks of the second Robin and aspires to his fate. Maybe Tim temporarily takes on the Robin mantle, but the weight is too heavy and he makes a different name for himself. Maybe he tried to reach Dick and bring him back to Gotham, but he never succeeded in convincing anyone. Maybe he went straight to Bruce a la fanon and tried to help, but he couldn’t.
I had this one idea where Bruce saw this scrawny boarding school kid with a whole lot of spark and the exact same vision for Gotham’s future, and instead of letting him be Robin at Alfred’s behest and with Dick’s acknowledgement, he instead decided “when this kid is old enough, I want him to be my successor.” and he starts teaching Tim the basics. He already failed Dick and Jason, so he resolved to not let Tim be an active vigilante until he’s 18. He fucking dies anyway but leaves a will and instructions for Tim to basically learn from the same teachers when he’s of age, but Tim’s mom dies and his dad is comatose so Tim goes “Fuck It. Gotham needs me now” and drops out and speedruns his world tour way earlier than Bruce would have wanted.
There’s still Damian, somewhere. Maybe Talia drops him off with Dick when it’s apparent she can’t protect Damian in the League, not from its cruelties and certainly not from her father. Nightwing is unobtrusive to the grand scheme of the LoA. Talia may not like Dick, may have been frequently at odds with him during his Robin days when a family with Bruce seemed like it was in the palm of her hand, but she trusts him, unfortunately. He was loyal to Bruce, at least, despite all their disagreements and domestic hostilities. Dick looks at Damian and thinks “I’m the same age Bruce was when he took me in. Damian is the same age I was. I can’t do this, but damn it all if I don’t try” and the regret fills him and he’s doing everything not to drown in it.
But there’s still Cass somewhere, probably with Barbara. There’s still Helena and Stephanie and Duke and the kids who became Robins in another timeline but choose a different name to rally under here, if they take up arms at all.
At least without Batman, there’s no Joker. He went down in that helicopter over the Atlantic Ocean and never showed his face again.
Regardless, this world is just a little more worse for wear, a little more tired and weary. This is a world where Batman dies, not with a bang but with a sizzle, and he doesn’t come back. No one is sure if he’d even want to.
#personal#dc#batfamily#i like Dimensional Travel fics#so when I thought up this timeline#it was purely with the intention of like alternate more canon-timeline Bruce#appearing in this world#and immediately recognizing Jason#I was thinking of the Jason of this world going by Knight#mostly because of Arkham Knight#but in universe it’s because people used to think he was Batman out of costume#and called him The Dark Knight#and even after people figured out he wasn’t the OG they just keep calling him Knight#I think my Pilcrow concept for Tim would fit neatly in this world#anyway#this is definitely a Good Dad Bruce AU
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it's been like 3 hours and i can't stop thinking about xiao and aether. you guys don't get it. it's the way the heart in qixing is likely referring to aether. it's because aether dedicated his poem and his dreams to xiao. it's because xiao smiled when he heard it. it's the way he's always looking out for aether. it's because even though everything was okay xiao made the effort to be vocal about how worried he was when aether pretended to drown. it's because aether is the only person capapable of persuading xiao, to the point others are aware he would do anything for him only and use it to convince him every chance they get. it's because aether is the only person capable of relieving the pain of xiao's karmic debt, not because of his powers but solely by being a part of xiao's life. it's because during the lantern rite instead of looking at the sky xiao looks at aether. it's because everytime they're together everyone else always comments about how close and fond of each other they are. it's because xiao is the only character aether is able to have alone time with without paimon. it's because as long as aether says his name xiao will always answer his call.
#I COULD GO ON#i'm not over their smiles#i will never get over their smiles#they actually look like they're in love#aether talked like wtf actually during a time limited event? out of nowhere? 😂#TO SAY HIS POEM TO XIAO?#sorry but that's homosexual behaviour#okay i'll shut up now#but i love them so so much#i also saw leaks about this event and i know this will get even gayer so prepare for my screams on monday too bye shsjhsjs#okay but let me add the fact xiao is becoming more and more social and how traveller specifically encourages him to talk with others#and waiting for them to be alone to speak#xiao's growth being shown so well as time goes on throughout the game is one of my favourite things in genshin#i like when there's obvious care in telling a story and using time to emphasise it#i think it makes it so much more meaningful#and traveller being pointed out as the reason xiao is able to heal and grow is extremely beautiful#like no matter what their connection is just so pure and loving#something about being able to explore the world when you have a safe space to come back to#that's what xiao was lacking and that he now has with someone :')
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God I’m so fucking miserable
#a girl I had an internship with in like 2016 who I don’t know that well#just posted like LOOK MOM I MADE IT TO AUSTRALIA!!!!#and alllllll these pictures of her here#In the same town im currently living in and in the same place I spent time on the drive here#and she just looks absolutely fucking STOKED like so purely high on life#and she’s traveling alone too and seemingly spent her whole life wanting to be here too and it just#it just really put into perspective how fucking SAD I feel due to everything#sad sad sad sad sad like that level of happiness feels like a parallel universe#and we’re in the same fucking TOWN#it sucks to know my bad gut feeling was right#it sucks to know I could be that happy but im not#and im not simply because the universe chucked every bad coincidence possible straight at my head#I don’t know what to do to get my spirits back up#I just don’t#I don’t know what to do to put myself back on the right track#I feel so beat down by life it feels impossible#I don’t feel like myself anymore#I kind of just fucking hate this country#and I can’t believe I feel that way when it’s the concept the entity I have loved the MOST#my entire fucking life#it’s not fucking FAIR#I’m just out of steam#I want to see a kangaroo and be happy I want to drive with the windows down I want to go on little road trips#I want to not have the crushing weight in the back of my mind of a $4k repair bill on every purchase I make#cars are like a sacred safe space to me and I want to look at my car and not feel devestating and fucking rage#I want to have had a pleasant Australian Road Trip up here#I want I want I want#I want the new eyes I once looked at this place with#I’m tired of the anxiety I’m tired of it all
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what's a good sam heavy episode to watch today
#i feel like spn has brothers episodes and dean episodes and then the few sam episodes like when the levee breaks are pure emotional torment#can i get ONE where he has time travel adventures and dean's on screen for five minutes#after school special maybe bc why don't i kill myself
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reflecting on how all of my other DMs have gone above and beyond to lovingly weave my and my friends' backstory elements into the larger worldbuilding of the campaign by contrast to all of the ways Elyss' DM has gone out of his way to suppress or excise any influences her family may have ever had on anything and I'm genuinely near tears over it
#'I'm so surprised that Elyss wasn't more interested in going to her mom's hometown now that you're in her homelands!'#YOU! CHANGED Nami's backstory so that she never traveled anywhere before having Elyss#and YOU decided that she never tells Elyss literally anything even when directly asked#because you're so desperate to make sure your players never know literally anything about whatever might happen to them ever#YOU made it feel not only unrewarding but as if it was actively unwelcome for you if I even talked to my mother!!#'we're making this very dangerous journey (that you've been retconned not to have made yourself so you can't spoil it)--#--assuming we survive can you please tell us anything at all about what to expect the other country to be like?'#'well. it is different than here. it may not be what you expect.'#'oooh why didn't you go to hometown' SUCK MY DICK I ASSUMED YOU'D BE ANNOYED IF I WENT THERE HOPING TO FIND ANYTHING#of course ELYSS wants to try to touch any part of her own heritage she can!!#do you think she doesn't wonder whether she has family there? do you think maybe it's weird that she doesn't already know??#when *I* built Elyss' mother I made her a traveler from a far-off land so neither of us had to worry about it#YOU decided to send us to THAT far-off land specifically and then REFUSE to let Nami actually TELL me anything about it!!#feels very much like you don't want me to engage with that! feels very much like you ACTIVELY don't want me to explore that connection!#and if it felt like *Nami* was being secretive about it then Elyss would be even more keen to investigate herself--#but it's just part of a well-established pattern of NPCs going 'it's a secret teehee' for very obviously no other reason than that--#the DM just doesn't ever want us to have information even if NPCs have that information and have no reason not to share it#anyway. tl;dr grief over elyss yearning her whole life for somewhere to belong#but not going to her mother's birthplace because she has no reason to believe there's anything there for her.#for purely stupid empty meta reasons.#'I'm surprised you didn't go there 👀' so maybe he had something!#but my mother-- through you-- was so cagey about whether her parents even exist that I kind of just figured you didn't! so!!#about me#my OCs#elyss
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they just don’t make movies about people being sent 20-30 years into the past anymore
#interesting you watch these 80s movies where they go to the 50s#or even something like hot tub time machine lol where they go back to the 80s#and it’s like another world#i think part of the reason we don’t get these is because there’s less visual distinction#also the 90s-00s were very fraught in a way that feels more defining than the 50s probably did in the 80s#it was a bad time yeah but that clearly wasn’t the larger cultural association#these movies are mostly purely interested in american culture and 00s america imo#is largely defined by 9/11 the invasion of iraq and the 2008 recession so like#not fun lol. and when i think about it there are no time travel movies about how fun#the 30s-40s were#*
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