#ptsd Mabye?

[gay-ratt]

A little late for the last day of lusanlu week but here’s a rough sketch

Luffy keeps getting reminders of aces death from his scar , sanji caught him in the middle of a break down

[personalhealer]

do you think carlos randomly gets communist urges because of how he used be in a communist liberation front

[raybyanothername]

You have outdone yourself in that last chapter; I felt like I was inside Aegon’s head; I didn’t know what was the reality and what was hallucination.

I kinda wanted to smack Jace on the head when he was telling him to rest, I know that he was probably exhausted but Mellos managed to make even sleep uncomfortable/triggering for him, and the memories of him being kidnapped oh my god my heart broke like poor Aegon I just want to wrap him in a blanket, give him hot chocolate and play with his hair until he can sleep, AND THEY STRAPPED HIM TO THE BED? Otto and Mellos are going to catch these hands and they will NOT enjoy it. Also Vhagar is BACK, I knew she was a tired responsible dragon who would not abandon her rider, and she also brought back up; she really said those children are getting injured on a daily basis and need some back up but won’t say so I will take the matter to my own hands, I love her my queen she can never do anything wrong.

And I need to know what that Mellos gave him, even Gerardys doesn’t exactly know and he can only guess, and Aegon asking about Aemond broke me; genuinely made me cry and I had to stop reading, he was drugged and doesn’t know what is happening to him and is still worrying about his little brother, like boy worry about YOURSELF for once, and oh how I wish I was a fly to listen to Rhaenyra talking to the king, and that whole scene of Aegon being to be fucked brought tears onto my eyes, I’m properly overthinking this but maybe the reason he was asking to be fucked is because the only times he felt warm was when he was with Sunfyre or getting fucked; so mabye his brain associate having sex=warm? Or am I just overthinking this?.

“Aegon wasn't their priority, he wasn't anyone's priority.” definitely shouldn’t have read this while I just had my period because I actually sobbed when I read this, startled my cat since I suddenly cried 😭😭, DAERON FELL FROM HIS DRAGON OMG, I let a gasp reading that, and now all the siblings fell but we don’t know if Aegon was the last or he needs to fall pnce more, and what will happen when they all fall? There are so many questions and not enough answers. Please tell me he will get to Sunfyre safely and suddenly everything will he okay? Because I don’t think I can handle sad Aegon anymore, but you said he still didn’t hit rock bottom, and I hate you for that you have tortured my boy enough I will start fighting you to stop -please don’t stop sad Aegon is like a drug to me I love giving him trauma-.

Honestly I can’t wait for the next chapter and I don’t want to be THAT reader but when do you think is the next chapter? It’s been SO long since I read something and I wait for each chapter like this, I’m not even THIS excited to the episodes of house of the dragon you have truly brought the excitement back and for that I thank you.

I hope those long comments are fine? And especially since they are on tumblr and not on every chapter it might be annoying for some writers, although I’m planning to reread the fic and comment on every chapter if I can and you were okay with it, I would’ve done it when I was first reading but I read it in one sitting and was to excited to take break and comment, but if it was alright with you I will write comments and send them because you 1000% deserve every comment and kudos you get and you deserve even more than that.

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Thank you! I was legitimately nervous posting this chapter, but everyone has been so positive and I'm really glad!

I loved the flashbacks so much, but mimicking a specific kind of PTSD episode can be very jarring when written I think so I wasn't sure people would be able to follow what was happening. The goal was to have past and present bleeding into each other so that we can feel how splintered Aegon's mind is in these moments. Given reactions so far I think that came across exactly as I was hoping!

To answer some of your questions:

You are not overthinking Aegon's sex=warmth assumption, nailed that right on the head. (Lowkey, this was another scene I really want to explore from Jace's POV because it is vastly different/just as chaotic given how exhausted he is.)

Yes, Aegon will get to Sunfyre safely! Next chapter starts in the Dragon Pit.

As for when that chapter will be up... I have no idea? Probably in a couple of weeks at best? As much as I want to crank it out (we're in the middle of all the plotty goodness!), the angst is quite a lot to write at one time so I have to take breaks with this section more than others. (But we're almost through the angst spiral!)

You're always welcome to post comments, here or on Ao3 of any length! XD I keep my ask box open and allow guest comments so hopefully people will be comfortable interacting in whatever way is best for them. I will warn that tumblr occassionally eats asks (not as much as previously, but I am now paranoid) so Ao3 is usually more reliable? I try to respond to all comments regardless. 😊

Given you are not the only one who's asked about Aegon's trip to the Dragon Pit... here's a little sneak peak of the next chapter for those that are worried.

The Dragon Pit was warm when he arrived. Aegon slipped through the passageways, his head pounding as he struggled to stay upright, to keep his eyes open. He passed different lairs. Younger and unclaimed dragons tittered as he stumbled before the opening of a few. Arrax appeared then, stepping from his own lair with head quirking to the side. With a low purr, the pale blue dragon approached him, dropping his head. Aegon swallowed thickly as his nephew's dragon coaxed him back onto his feet. He didn't withdraw either. Steady at his side, Arrax guided him through the twists and turns of the cavernous halls. He chirped as they arrived at Sunfyre's lair. A quick bob of his maw and Arrax nudged him forward.

[dummysods]

Introduction on here cuz why not

Haii!! I’m soda/ bluery Idm any name

I mostly draw on here and Mabye meet some mutuals bc other socials scare me💔💔💔💔

Fav character is cheesy and blueberry

My main interests are gyaru fashion, d4dj, lapfox trax, vocaloid, splatoon, and bandori!!

Ion have a dni, I just block ppl that are weird or rude to me.

I have ptsd + bpd + audhd so pls be patient with me

Anyways hope you enjoy being here and enjoy my art!!! ( ´ ▽ ` )

[thewordswecantspeak]

⚠️TW: MH ⚠️

Needing a doctor or someone with experience in⚠️ mental health. I've tried reddit but nobody responds.

Background: I've been struggling with mental health really since I was nine,(Im 21 now) I sh and had a ed/bad anxitey at the time. Anyway things happened, severely bullied, trauma with men etc. Got worse, was in and out of facilities and tried to take my life at 14. I had a massive breakdown and heard voices while attempting, I heard them sometimes after but wasn't concerned. Highschool I dealt with alot of SA, and harrasmemt. I went through ALOT of trauma from sh, hospitals etc. I was dignoised with anorexia nervousa, ocd, bpd (borderline) social anxitey, generalized anxitey and depression

2020:

I became way worse in 2020, had seven more suicide attempts which let's be honest is tramatic asf. I was very dissocative, I heard voices all the time starting to get concerned. Had the belief I had to sh to save my family. I would do 100s at night till I threw up. I also would throw up eight times. everyday on purpose. Lots of drug use with friends (weed) and drank occasionally. Ended up in the er lots having to do tests on my heart. A doctor looked at me and said without immediate I wouldn't. Make it. Anyway fast forward...

2020 I was physically hallcnating, believing things that arnt real and hearing command voices. I ran away not knowing what I was doing, police would come by, I would text my moms horrible things just wasn't myself. Oh I forgot been trying meds since 14. I'm currently on risperdidone abilfy a ptsd med a anti depressant and something for stiffness. 2021 I was in and out of hospitals taking pills to get hurt sh lots still but my belif of saving my family by harming myself went away on anti phycotics, it was pretty bad 2021, 2023 I was getting no help really, they just gave me dbt skills. Voices not all the time I stopped hallcnating physically etc.

2024/now: my meds are all the same but increased. My Hallcnations are everyday, command voices telling me to SH so I do. Especially on my neck, call me names, laugh at me. I belive people are talking when there not, and in public I think everyone starring and see them laughing sometimes. I'm extremely unsafe to myself, hunger yes and no sometimes I eat some times I don't and I'm now experiencing paranoia thoughts. Ex: haven't left my apartment alone in 2 years, if I'm with someone I can but I'm having panic attacks, the light give Me cancer so I had to leave the store, someone's gasing the apartment so I don't sleep, can't go to bathroom or leave the room..etc. I'm tired. I'm on the verge of unaliving.. I can't do this anymore. I'm scared. Nobody (my doctors armt listening to me.) I've been dignosised as a adult with physcotic depression and ptsd Paranoia. Is this really phyotcic depression? My meds don't work and well it's getting worse I lost the ability to function. To go to school and work. I have no money and rely on my bf. There's just no resources for me. They've thrown 6 different suggestions at me including " Well mabye your bipolar." ( I did tests I am physically healthy)

What I need please please respond:

Is this phycotic depression?

Why is my brain deterating?

Wouldn't my anti phycotics work?

Should I be scared?

What kinda condition would cause lose of being able to do basic things? Thank you!

[lovelively]

🐉Fears of a Prince🐉

Why hello there! My lazy being has decided that after all this time, after receiving a couple of very encouraging comments by a lovely person, I should probably upload one of the things I have had in mind for quite some time...

If ur interested, go ahead! Here's the prescription love, please take your reverse comfort pills with care. Now on your merry way you go. If you have any questions or concerns please request an alteration or a prompt. Thank you very much for choosing the Lively pharmacy. Hopefully I'll see you soon ♡

Pairing: Malleus x Yuu

Genre: Reverse comfort / Angst

Tw: PTSD, description of gore, blood and war, sad boi malleus

Summary: it's the middle of the night. Your having a peaceful slumber, until a panicked night creature comes knocking at your front door...

Story under the cut

It's a normal night at Night Raven College. The lights are out in every Dorm. The only thing reflecting off of the beautiful ornaments of the Ramshackle Dorm is the full moon shining in the black night sky. Yuu was sleeping soundly in their bed. Tucked in nicely and dreaming of their boyfriend: Crown prince Malleus Draconia, of the Valley of Thorns. To them he was perfect. Always so calm and collected around others but letting loose with them. Laughing, giggling and pranking was always apartof the couples scedule when they were alone. As few of a time as that may happen, with Malleus almost always being followed by at least one of his friends/watch dogs. Not to mention how handsome the fae prince was, his strong body, the sharp jawline, his hair falling into place perfectly everytime, his green eyes glowing brighter everytime he lays them upon your smaller frame. Perfect. That was all your sleeping mind was able to produce in your dreams. I mean, how could you not dream of someone as perfect as him? He is flawless!! Or so you thought...

Time: 2:37 am

A knock. Wait, a knock? Who would be knocking at your Dorm at such an ungodly hour? Hmmm. Mabye it was just your imagination. Its probably best if you just fall asleep again...

Another, much louder series of knocks. Ok, mabye it wasn't your imagination last time. This time, it definitely isn't. Getting out of bed you quickly put on your robe and head over to the stairs. As you decent from the stairs you hear another series of knocks, this time you can hear the desperation, even panic in the knocks. What was going on. Was somebody hurt? What could put a NRC student into such a state of pure desperation as to knock on your front door as rapidly as they do? As you arrive at the door you swing it open quickly, only to reveal a scared and (as usual) sleepdeprived Silver. "What happened? Is everything alright? Silver?" You asked with a worried expression as you eyed the breathless boy infront of you up and down, looking for injuries. "Yuu" Silver takes a deep breath "it-its Malleus... h-he-he's having a panic attack. Its horrible! The entire Dorm is shaking and a thunderstorm is raging outside. The wind is so strong, It's almost a tornado!" Upon hearing this you fell into a state of shock. Malleus? Panic attack? Snapping out of your trance you looked Silver dead in the eye and decided that you would have him find Lilia, who you assumed was not present seeing as he had come to you for help, whilst you would try to calm your beloved down. With this plan in mind you grabbed Silvers wrist and dragged him towards the Daisomnia Dorm, telling him what you had in mind on the way. Once you arrived at the Dorm you said you goodbyes and goodlucks to one another. And with that the human boy had left you in front of the shaking Dorm, surrounded by storm clouds, looking as if it was a scene right out of a horror movie. And you were the idiot main character, now making your way into the haunted house...

Once you made it inside, you went straight for Malleus's room, ignoring the screams of fear making their ways out of the other Dorm members throats. Ignoring Sebeks pleads to let him come with you, that he had sworn to protect the prince, even if that meant he had to protect Malleus from himself. Yet you left sebek standing outside of your boyfriends bedchamber. Once you had entered the room you immediately layed eyes on the weeping creature in the far left corner of the room, rocking itself back and forth, grabbing at its hair and horns, pulling at the body parts. Secretly hoping that nobody would see it in this state...

Yet here you were, standing right in front of the door, looking down at the broken man that you once knew as your perfect boyfriend with the most pityfull expression your face ever held. Slowly you made your way towards the 'young' prince as to not scare him. Once you stood before him you kneeled down, putting your hand atop his, entangled in his hair. The sudden skinship startled him, forcing him to look up at you. But the person looking up at you wasn't Malleus Draconia, it was someone else. Sure he still looked the same, except the tears rolling down his pale cheeks and his reddened, puffy eyes along with his stuffed nose, yet the look in his eyes told you that his mind wasn't at NRC right now, nor was it in the Valley of Thorns. It was far, far away from the peace and quiet that you had here, even with all of the overblots happening at the moment, the place that this man's mind was in, was far worse, far more dangerous and was flooded with the blood of innocent men, far more blood than the grounds Night Raven College will ever see...

Terrified was probably the most accurate word you could find for the look in you lovers eyes. Terrified of the things he had seen, Terrified of the things he might see in the future, Terrified of anything and everything. At this very moment, Malleus Draconia was in his weakest, most vulnerable state. Some would have taken advantage of this situation, the Crown Prince, on the floor, defenseless because of his emotional state, right at their mercy. But not you. You could never do something as cruesome as that to him, never. You heart wouldn't allow it. So, instead of gaining blackmail material, robbing him or assassinating the fae prince you hugged him. As simple as that. You didn't ask questions you didn't tell him to stop crying. You just assured him that it would be ok, that HE would be ok. So you just held him in the safe space that were your arms. As close to your chest as you could, hoping that hearing your slow heartbeat would help him calm down, at least a little bit. And it did. After another 10 minutes of him clutching your robe and crying into your shirt he had calmed down enough to form correct sentences again. But when you asked what happened you heard an answer that made your heart drop all the way to the very core of the world. "I had a nightmare" Malleus stated with a shakey, quiet and raspy voice " I was back. Back on the battle field. Back with all of these dead bodies loosing their lifes to save the life of my younger sister. All of those innocent men, lying on enemy territory, gutted, bloody, completely messed up. All of these men, who will never be able to see their wife and children again. All of those men that never had a proper burial because of those Bastards from Arendelle (pls dont hate me for this, I didn't know what else to pick). Only because their stupid king believed that he is the only one which is deserving of Mallania's hand in Marriage! (psst! Mallania is Malleus's younger sister) Abducting her like that! The things I had to see because of that son of a bitch! The things my poor innocent sister had to see..." and with that he broke down again. Hot tears streaming down his fair skin dropping on his lap once they reached his jaw. You were shocked. Not because you couldn't handle the situation, but because you would have never guessed that Malleus had gone through so much already, having to save his little sister from a Narcissistic King, watching innocent men and friends die... not only was that a lot to take in, but also a lot for one person to handle! How was he able to bottle that memory up for so long? All of that didn't matter when Lilia barged into the room. "Yuu? What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here. It's dangerous to be around him when he is like this. His emotions have taken over, he's not controlling his magic right now, his emotions are. You should leave, NOW!" Lilia demanded of you, but you couldn't. You couldn't leave Malleus, not like this. Not only because you didn't dare leave him alone like this, but also because the fae prince had a firm grasp at your wrist, not willing to let you go, not now, not yet. He needed you and you knew that. Seeing the way you two looked at each other Lilia knew instantly what was going on. So he agreed to let you stay. "What you are about to witness isn't for the light hearted" the Vampire stated "I will now lock away Malleus's memory's of the war again, leaving them to only faintly stay in his mind. For that I have to replay them in the open, which means you will see all of these horrid pictures Malleus has been tortured with for thousands of years now. Do you understand? You can still Back out if you want to..." But you shook your head. "I can handle it" you replied, confident that you could, infact, handle Malleus's past. Let me cut this short. You couldn't. You started weeping 2 minutes into the first memory. The things this man had seen were unbelievable.

Men and women, gutted like fish (Oclavinelle Members looking real scared rn). Their insides all over the battlefield. A liver there, a loung hanging out of the body of a woman. Blood as far as one could see. And Malleus, your Malleus in the midst of it. Covered in blood, mostly that of others. Gashes, scars already forming, blood running down his usually oh so gentle features, now putting up a face of rage, disgust, bloodlust. His eyes showed that he would make his enemy pay, that he would spill three times as much of enemy blood as they had spilled of his kind.

Snapping out of your trance your eyes fell upon a very concerned Malleus. "My darling, are you alright? You looked as if you would cry..." The fae prince proclaimed with a worried expression on his handsome face. "Oh, don't worry. I'm ok. How are you? Is everything alright?" Malleus looked at the floor. Shame rose in the usually so calm and collected prince.He had let his lover see him in his most vulnerable state, they had seen him cry and worst of all they had seen the things he was capable of. The thunderstorm, created by his negative emotion, the war. Oh god, the war... His innocent Rose had seen him kill, torture, frolocking in the sight of his enemies fall and their blood tickling down his body. What do they think of him now. Can an Angel like Yuu even love a Monster like him...

....aaaand this is where I'm gonna end it! Let me know if you want a part two! I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much. Alright loves. This is where your prescription ends. Mabye you can get a new one? Who knows... but this is all the Angst pills you'll get for now.

Love, Lively♡

[rurifangirl]

aight. here somes the ask lore thingie

tw for ppl readin: mention of mental illness, father mention

firstly, how did rui end up meetin the rest of the gang? did they all have sum sort of run in? did they just happen to meet on exident?

also is the father a villain? i remember ya mention him, and was wonderin

and do they have a specific place where they stay? like in a dormstory, a single house, do they live in a single town, or in completly different places?

do any of them suffer from mental/physical illnesses? if they do, how does it affect their life/relationships w others?

Aight, so here we go, be ready cuz shit's long.

(1st part - The Rui n the gang meeting; The Shou meeting) No Tw

Honestly, I also kinda wanted to do this for quite a long time, so I'm gonna firstly talk about how the gang (w/o really mentioning the others name's since they're gonna get introduced soon) met itself and decided to form, and then I'll individually do It in Lyva's and Shou's case, specifically Shou's since i mentioned that his meetin was somethin id have to take care of in another post, so i will rn.

First things first, w the whole gang. Now It wasn't really casually, mainly because Lyva n Rui did meet up, but It was during a special occasion still, that being a really important manifestation in one of the main regions in my oc universe. (They don't have name's yet so pls don't bash me🤡) Them being primarly the Forest, where Rui eventually lives in after all of his past shit, the near-countryside part, where Lyva was living, a pretty much city living on water, where Shou's currently living, and many more, as such the dunes with which I'll introduce Qiran (hopefully tomorrow/today),The sea itself, some High up places and as I said many, many other more. Other than this brief intro, they meet up where Lyva used to live, but mainly because of problems and out of conviniance.

Everyone had something to take back from, so they agreed to help eachother to reach that end, so it's all really planned. Now i won't really go w Lyva, cuz i explained how she met Rui the first time n how they helped her, so I don't need to ramble more on this. Now I'm gonna go w Shou's part though.

This Is more of a note i wanted y'all to know first, cuz i really like how Lyva n Rui met him the first time (cuz the second time was when the gang then all agreed to form n all that jazz.). Basically, Rui n Lyva were out, n visiting new places as such, to prepare themselves further and to try and search for more weapons, cuz they both knew that they'd eventually get in trouble, and even though they still are good, they wouldn't stand much a chance, n since Shou's Place is known for its production they decided to go. N fun fact, there's many funny shit that happends, for example Rui tries to touch a fish, but gets SLAPPED by It. They're still mad >:[. Ajkskdj anyways, some other stuff happends n they just, lose themselves. They had a map ofc but still managed to do so. But Rui was usin It so, I don't really blame em for gettin lost.

Shit happends n they find themselves pratically in front of his shrine/palace. Shou's servitors (cuz he saw everything happend from afar n gave them the okay) brought em in, but rather than makin em idk some tea n just making them recouver, Shou rather put them under some "tests" w/o tellin em, to see if they were any use.

For example he brought them some cups of tea, but before drinking them Rui noticed somethin unusual in the water, so they gave Lyva a sign to not drink It, n as Shou asked as a reason why they just replied that they weren't thirsthy, leavin Shou in a kind of defeated state. Bitch if i love this part honestly, there's so much fun to seein all of their reactions, but I'm gonna go brief rn. So other of this tests pass later n Shou eventually gets upset cuz they're all winnin n seemingly makin fun of him, lettin him in a weaket standpoint, n a fight happends. Even though it's a 2v1 situation he can still manage pretty well, so It ends in a draw. They get to talk after this and get to understand that they don't have to necesseraly be on the opposite side, though Shou Is still unsure whether to belive in that or not.

After they leave him, pratically almost alone w only a bunch of servitors helpin him. He admits defeat n won't show up until the event and yadayada. (Also it's during this weak time of his he'll meet Qiran which i already have plans w so it's all goin to be said bout their relationship in their post.)

(2nd part, the father mention.) Tw:father mention

So it's true that w Shou i did mention his father, but I'm not entirely sure bout his involvment honestly. In theory he kind of is a villain itself, even because of his devilish nature, so it's true, but im not sure whether to make him an independent villain or part of a group of them. But rather than that yes, i do want to make him some sort of villain in the end, because that's also part of Shou's agreement to be part of the group. I will make concept art for him so he'll definetly be involved. Not gonna lie, mabye that bastards also involved w Rui's cult too in a way or another but im givin in too many details holy shit I'll never get outta this fuck

(3rd part- where do they live) No Tw

They live in their own homes honestly, but It would be no surprise if they'd all decide to sleep over someone in specifical, though they have their own place. I made some concepts for Rui's intern home, which here It Is 😤 (forgive me for the bad quality but it's 2 am rn 🤡) I made this a while ago but only did Rui's, so I'll do Lyva's, Shou's n the other one's too. They live in different places, for the exception of, atm, Qiran, since I'm gonna say that they're more of a traveller n don't have a stable home.

(4th part- the mental/physical ilnesses) Tw: Self harm and Mental ilness mention

Well, this Is gonna be a ride. They all suffer from Ptsd, which Rui n Shou suffering from It the most. It still affects them all, though in different occasions, so Imma just do them in specifical. (Also because i gotta add some shit to shou that i didn't wanna add because i thought It was too much honestly)

Rui-

It affects them really much. They use crystals n gems to avoid anything going w their past or anything remotely related It, as whenever they feel awful about havin those flashbacks when they still were a child. They never want to talk about what happened, n during their moments It gets really, really bad. Both emotionally and physically, as their body sometimes cannot handle anything so it completely shuts down. They never really got any help for It as Rui's too scared to share bout their experience, both because of trauma itself that doesn't make them say anything even if they wanted to and because of the cults influence, so either way they've got to handle It by their own.

Lyva-

Other than havin to deal w mornin sickness, which Is the least for her, she has to deal w her neglectful childood and how desperate she's always been for litteraly anythin, whether it's related about love,friendship, food, toys, anything. She tried to seek for help and semi found It, but as of now she can't keep up w It and has better things to take care of. It's still really bad overall, but she's hoping for things to get better. Spoiler It really won't.

Shou-

⭕Tw for sh⭕

It's... really fucking bad. I'm gonna get outta this w saying something i didn't want to add because it's really triggerin, but im gonna do It now. So basically, I've mentioned them acting feminenly for his own mother, but i didn't say what would've happened if he displeased her. She would just stare down at him and whispering some awful shit or names. This would happen especially whenever he'd slip off that mask of his or revealed even a tiny bit of his devilish essence. Note that he's still a child here. So, best thing he could to was to "punish" himself, which basically consists of him scratching his arms too much and, i don't really want to continue this, forgive me but it's kind of triggering even for me. But...you can guess what he's doing, since he even to this day still keeps sharp nails. I'm sorry for putting this, but it's another way to show how his mother fucked him up and now suffering from this.

I'm sorry for rushin the last part but i'm not personally vibing w it.

Tags undercut

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx (I'm really unsure bout taggin ya in this ;-;)

If you want your tag removed, dm me cuz it's 3 am at the moment n i may have messed em up. (I'm not gonna recheck tomorrow so that's why)

[one-good-day]

Panic attack?

Hello long post but wondering if the symptoms I have is actually a panic attack and not just general anxiety since I havent seen this be discussed. Not sure what it is, just call it an episode for now. I didnt find a strict difference btwn panic and anxiety attacks so Im gonna go with the more well known name.

Tw: pretty graphic descriptions of fear panic and light but specific household chores abuse. Please stay safe.

I have these often, the worst months would be a couple hours a time a day. I have read the symptoms of a panic attack but one thing I noticed is that they are mostly short? Like around 10 minutes? Which makes me feel like mine aren't really?

And it isnt like I cannot think during my episodes and I clearly can reason, its just it won't stop and I feel like Im reduced to animal brain, I can't do anything other than mindlessly listen to music or draw to cope. (I cant even stop and sometimes hours pass before I realize the time again)

Some symptoms:

-intense fear and dread, like it claws up my throat and my throat closes and I have trouble speaking (feels like Im near tears though Im not sad, its more like fear?)

-buuut I know the world is not ending and Im not dying and im not having a heart attack.

- stabbing chest pain for no reason. Maybe my heart is beating fast? But when I measure it, it is not that much faster than usual.

-trouble inhaling air since my throat closes or breathing too fast ( but not hyperventilating or feeling light headed)

-sweating and hot flashes where I feel too hot although I felt fine or alternatively being too cold and (dread or cold shivers? This can make the fear feel worse)

- pacing with music ( to distract myself, also I cant stop cause my fear is too overwhelming)

- snappish and furious at others ( sudden anger and defensiveness out of terror, worse when abuser is talking to me) or if around friends and valued/authority, wanting to escape, go home, withdraw, isolate, stop talking and overall shutting down because I dont want them to feel bad for me and I feel like a fraud or im over reacting (since my face is stone or smiling they cannot tell). Wont reveal any personal problems or "weakness" or negative emotions even more than usual.

-freezing and not able to anything that requires thought or energy. For me, I can only listen to music (cant even stop(takes a huge effort of will which I do not have (even though I want to? Probably executive dysfunction)

- and most importantly, since mine are really silent and I sit or pace stone faced ( I really have trouble expressing emotions since I have been trained to not show negative ones no matter the cost) through the thing, even when Im alone, nobody notices and thus continue to harass me with triggering tasks/demands of my time, just making it worse and last longer.

I noticed that my "normal" anxiety feels more like something I could pretend as nervous excitement if I tried hard enough? So it is hard but not all comsuming? But I cant really even delude myself when I have an episode so maybe it is a panic attack? I dont know since most descriptions are vague and panic attacks in media seem very noticible and the person curls in on themselve or flat out runs away or starts repeating mantras (which is perfectly valid) mabye this is just a lack of representation but I havent seen anything like mine?

Tiggers include but not limited to:

Note: Now the dishes trigger warning applies. Stay safe.

-Dishes (my exrcutive dysfunction means that it can take me hours to finally start although it is an "easy task") during this time, I would get the side eye and irration from my abuser and that constantly increase my anxiety until I cant focus on anything else even though my brain still blocks me from the dishes so I feel trapped and the impending screaming and yelling created so much terror that I cannot not do dishes when asked without having a two or three hour long episode in which Im panicking that Im wasting time and being lazy and berating myself for not getting it done even though it is so easy. And the worst part was doing the dishes was my daily task. Which meant once dinner was over I was paralyzed and unable to do homework or the dishes. (This applies to any household task, now that I have some control, I flat out refuse due to fear and knowledge that I will never do it right away(executive dysfunction) or not before the episode)

- events or tests or important presentations where I need to prepare in advance, three guesses Im unable to start when I feel I should no matter how hard I tell myself and then I slip into an episode.

-music makes it worse actually because the beat keeps me excited and since my mood is easily influenced.... terror! But with a tempo and smattering of pop music! Also ear buds feel suffocating since I cant hear outside noise which drives my hypervigilance and paranoia crazy which makes me terrified which makes me listen to music. Sheer will power is not enough, i usually can only stop when Im beyong exhausted from pacing and being terrified.

-I still need earbuds to drown out the world and my abuser's voice though 😓

-needing to talk to someone about something (taking up emotional real estate, telling them they hurt me accidentally or voicing a request or apologizing for something hurtful (may not even have hurt them) my mind tells me I did) *for this one I usually have trouble speaking and stammer or repeat myself, my mind tends to go blank and my logic is bad even though I could be very well spoken if only I was not scared or I really have trouble getting words out cause my throat closed due to sheer terror. (this is the only circumstance besides housework where Im panicking while doing the thing) (symptoms the same though)

My guess:

My guesses are that this is a symptom of ptsd and I was triggered into an emotional flashback which caused a panic attack but Im not sure what to call this since it lasts so long and is probably multiple mental illnesses crammed into one. So far I know I have anxiety, depression and cptsd so a lot of choices to choose from.

If anyone knows or has a guess, I would love to hear in the comments. I think I'm not the only one feeling this so...yay representation?

[turquoisekim]

me: my ptsd hasn't acted up. Mabye it got better.

me: get's triggered in sleep by foot pain to dream (once again) about trauma related hospital stuff

me: :))))))))

[lgbtqia-moodboards]

Black and Yellow

(For the sleepover confession thing. It’s out of the blue but I wanted to share.)

i I love the color yellow Not a lot of people would expect that from me. It’s bright and beautiful. I’ve always liked it. I like it because it has such a dark contrast to black, which is my first favorite color. Growing up I thought mabye if I wear yellow I’ll be a lot happier.

ii That was true yet also not. As my mood began to grow more sour and my mentality got worse I started to sink into black, my favorite color now. In a way wearing that color just helped me accept what’s going on with me. It’s dark and bad. My home is lonely and in the shadows due to constantly being around people who turned their backs on me as I deal with my PTSD. I’m alone in this.

iii Wearing yellow reminds me that even though I have some dark emotions, it doesn’t mean I can’t bring light to others, even to myself even though I don’t think I deserve it. I can relax and be happy, if not at least stable to an extent. I can and am the light wrapped in apparent darkness. It’s just a sheild that any good person can break over time…I promise.

iv By wearing both colors I’m me completely. I’m not just one of the other I’m both just in different degrees. I wear black. I’m sheilded and beat up. I’m weary and fighting this battle alone. My scars and trauma pretty obvious due to my behavior. I’m angry and resentful towards those who just sat there and let me suffer. I wear yellow too. Just a bit of it. I can be happy and let people in. I can be open and free. I can’t forget what happened but I can learn to let it go after I’ve healed, which I will.

v I’m a walking contradiction but I take pride in it. I’m black and yellow both in my fashion and in my straightforward view of the world. A stark contrast, lazily stitched together forming who I am Who I am? I have mixed feelings about but soon I’ll have pride. Soon I’ll be yellow, no matter how much the black stays. And that in itself is beautiful.

I love light even though I’m in complete and utter darkness right now.

------------------ This is so very lovely, this made me feel a lot of emotions and it's beautiful to read, thank you for sharing this! -mod Henri

[lurena-horizen]

Victoria Info - For friend

Introduction of Character

Name: Alexis Victoria Wild

《Rarely uses Alexis》

Age: 15

Gender: Genderqueer (doesn't mind being refers to as she or he)

Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Demi-Bi

Nickname(s): Alex, Vic, Vicky, Lexi, Lex

Alias(es): Speechless, Dragon

Date of Birth: 30-June-2000

Status: Alive

Astrological/Zodiac Sign:

Western - Dragon

Eastern - Cancer

Ethnicity: Spanish-Scottish

Blood Type: A+

Affiliations/Organizations: N/A

Occupation:

Pre-Apocalypse - Student

Post-Apocalypse - Scavenger/Dealer

The Character’s Appearance

Height: 5'6

Weight: 116lbs

Handedness: Ambidextrous

Tattoos/Birthmarks/Scars:

• A small but destingishable scar behind her left ear in the shake of a small heart

• White scares across her knees and on her stomach

• Burn on her cheek that she hides behind a plaster

Jewelry/Accessories:

A pocket-watch with a compass attached

A sibling necklace with a magnet heart

About the Character

Hobbies/Interests: Drawing, Dancing, Writing, Parkour

Mental/Physical illnesses:

》Haematemesis

》 Mute - Not fully

《 Depression

《 PTSD

《 Paranoia

《 Anxiety

《 Seems to have traits of a psychopath

Phobias/Fears:

Achluophobia - Fear of Darkness

Acydticophobia - Fear if noise

Amychophobia - Fear if bring scratches

Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightning

Fevriphobia - Fear of Fever

Nelophobia - Fear of Windows/ Thibgs coming through them

Habits:

Bitting her hands

Swearing (when talking or signing)

Humming to herself

Exercising at most given opportunitys

Mannerisms: Though she doesn't talk she does often make noises, like sucking her teeth, scoffing, Muttering, humming and occationaly whistling.

If she does speak it's very quite and stuttered.

She rubs the back of her neck a lot in moments of embarrassment or stress, Clenched her jaw in tension ect...

Skills/Talents: Skilling in Parkour, using her hight and speed her to advantage when trying to get away from people or walkers.

She is also very tallented when using a bow and arrow as well as close rage wepons like swords and knifes as they are quiter then guns.

Best Qualities:

Honest, Loyal, Childish, Kind, Compassionate, Good sense of human, Enjoys spending time with people

Worst Qualities:

Cold (when first meet depending on the situation), Calculated, Short tempered, Nervous 24/7

Morality/Ethics: Keep your promises and Help dose who need it

Goals/Motivations/Dreams:

Her goal is to help people and animals who need it, though she's willing to kill if anyone or thing gets in her way of doing so.

Her only real motivation is to try and keep some semblance of society for if or when the world is no longer infested.

Victim(s):

• Jackson Brandston- A mercy kill after he began to turn. Done under his request.

• Christina Chamberlin- Mercy Kill. Turing and no one else wanted to do it.

• James Turner- Help Kill. Old Camp leader who couldn't make on the promises made.

• Jessica Randowa- Help Kill. Old camp leader who lied and didn't make on promiseds made.

• Sam Smith- Optional kill. Rebellious resident who stole from the camp.

• Natasha Redwood- Optional-Revenge kill. Camp resident who stole and killed.

• Bloodrain Johnson- Revenge kill for a family friend.

Death:

W.I.P (Mabye)

The Character’s Relationship With Others

Reputation:

The places she helps know not to mess around or brake any promises, she's killed in all places before if needed. (Though she hates killing it was nessacery)

To those who first near her she's rude and un-cooperative. But she has a reputation amongst people for being a deal-maker and keeping promised.

Love Interest(s):

WIP

Friend(s):

N/A

Enemy(ies):

Rixton Parker - Leader of Crystal Lake

Relationship(s):

Mark Wild- Vic's father, a nice man who worked as an animal traitor before the Apoloclips. Before sacrificing himself so his kids could get out.

Jackson Brandston - Victoria's older brother who helped her get out of their home when she walkers attacked. He taught her how to fight and use wepons as well as some life lessons. During a scavenge he was bite and Victoria was the one to kill him, under his request.

The Character’s Abilities

Fighting Style:

Mostly wepon-based combat with some hand-based for fighting with people.

Gear:

(Describe the gear that your character has. Particular weapons on their person, type of clothing used when traveling, people they are with, etc.)

Preferred Weapon(s): See Pic

Knowledge: 6/10

Conceptualization Power: 7/10

Motivation: 4/10

Will to Act: 5/10

Agility: 9/10

Swordsmanship: 8/10

Hand-to-Hand Combat: 7/10

Long Range Accuracy: 9/10

Offense: 5/10

Defense: 6/10

Social Skills: 3/10

The Character’s Familial/Biographical Information

Birthplace: Ball Ground, Georgia

Home:

She lived in a tree house that was made when her and her brother were kids, sometimes staying in Crystal Lake if needed.

She was later taken in to Alexandria

Family:

Elizabeth Brandston - Mother, 40y - Left with Vic was 4, Status is unknow

Mark Alexander Wild - Father, 42y - Died when Vic was 6 and Jack was 15

Jackson Branston - Brother, 19y - Died when Vic was 10, Were always together before his death

Familial Background:

Elizabeth came from a rich family who were respected in their neighbour hood and often got invited to large events like galas or grand party's.

Mark was born into a middle-class family who worked hard and were glad to have what they did. They were also the owners of a ranch that sold a lot of products to markets and stores in the city.

The two meet when Mark was making a delivery to one of the local supporting stores and after a while of talking the two began to date.

They we're happy together and Their family's were happy for them.

In 1991 Jackson was born, with Victoria coming into the world 9 years later.

Elizabeth had began to grow tired and was beging to grow annoyed by Mark's lack of spending habits (he prefers to make things by hand present wise and she didn't see any value in the hard worm). It had eventully grown to a point where she left him to find someone who would "'provide the type of life i always wanted and deserved"

After the messy breakup Mark moved to the outscurts of Ball Ground, Georgia with Vic and Jack where they started a small bussiness looking and training animals untill the apocalios came.

Character Background:

From a young age Victoria was a curious and energetic child with a fast developing mind.

She leads to speak quickly, though writing was a bit changing as it was difficult to keep her in place long enough to get her to write. (Mark was worried it was ADHD but the doctors just said it was because she had a lot of energy and needed to move around. So reading and writing practice didn't start still she was 4 and a half).

Her child hood was good, she got to be with animals, her brother and father would always be around and she made friends with most (nearly all) of her class on the first day of school.

Life seemed to be perfect, untill the apocalypse hit.

The walkers came quick, and her father died well Jackson and herself escaped. Hidding in their tree house.

After 4 years from the beging, Jackson made a wrong move well scavenging and got himself bit. With a 10 year old Victoria having to be the one to kill him.

[rurifangirl]

fyuvuvfy for the ask thing💅💅

kayn

39: What would be your character’s niche on Tumblr?

syndra

54: What is the saddest thing about your character’s life?

lyva

59: What is your least favorite thing about your character?

rui

58: Is your character dorky or more athletic?

Kayn-

Honestly, dude would probably be the type of person that would reblog cute animal/cute things in general tbh, mabye taggin ppl in the ace/PTSD gang if It reminded him of em😭😭

N rarely posts of photoes of his crow n cat

Syndra-

Ahdkkaowjdj there's many things tbh but Imma just go w mainly her being pretty much on her own for most of its life, she didn't really consider anyone its friend unless she was really close w em, but that really rarely happends so despite her being in a way alive n well overall it's like It wasn't really there

Also y'know how i empathized on how she wants to reach her goals? Yeah, cuz it's mainly It trying its best over n over, n not being able to control whenever it's a little thing or it's really important. But despite it having somethin to "live for" she still cannot fully understand how it's really like. In fact i really see it not being able to understand such stuff, such as the experience of love, as it never really felt something as big as this. I could ramble a lot more on it but i wanna keep stuff brief this time round.

Lyva-

Her not liking feathers >:[/j

Hskxkdkwk i think bout her personality tbh, i wished It'd make it more lively, but i will do It w the introduction of more ppl so I'll probably make her have some character arc tbh.

Rui-

Kinda in the middle? They can fight decently but i feel like they'd still be kinda dorky sometimes, so yea 😩

Tags undercut

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @damnfoxx @dopesaladlady