#psychopaths aren't people who are cruel to everyone all the time for no reason

[not-poignant]

Would you be willing to talk about the idea of 'psychopaths in real life'? I know you've written them but because there's so much messy pop culture around the idea of a psychopath I've never been sure of what about the idea of them is real. Are some people simply born wanting to hurt people? Or is it the result of early major trauma, or innate? I've met a lot of very cruel people but I think I'd say they probably weren't like that with select groups of people (their friends or family) rather than people they viewed as targets/unimportant/sinners/etc... Probably? I suppose I think of them more as emotionally sadistic than as fundamentally incapable of empathy. But maybe I just haven't met the right people, or known them well enough. Just an invitation to share your thoughts on the subject, if you're willing.

Are some people simply born wanting to hurt people? Or is it the result of early major trauma, or innate?

If you had an answer to this, anon, you'd have an answer to one of the greatest mysteries of psychology and sociology. The truth is, we just don't know for sure. There's a lot of good evidence on both sides, depending on who you're studying, which strongly suggests that sometimes it might be the first, sometimes it might be the second, and sometimes it's both.

But the reality is we don't know.

Scientists really, really want to find ways of detecting folks like this before some of them turn to extremely violent or cruel crimes, so obviously finding out the causative genetic and/or social factors is extremely important to them. It would save a lot of money re: governments for a start, so this is an area that's had bursts of funding over the years. But the reality is we're not really a great deal closer to figuring it out.

We do know that some folks genuinely seem to have had no social causative factors, and others folks genuinely seem to have been shaped by their upbringing. If you want to go into this there are hundreds of books and articles on the subject, and you'll very quickly see that no one is in agreement and we still have no solid early detection systems.

I've met a lot of very cruel people but I think I'd say they probably weren't like that with select groups of people (their friends or family) rather than people they viewed as targets/unimportant/sinners/etc… Probably?

The fact is, unless you were with them 24/7 you don't know how they were behaving with friends and family. In fact, this is how certain priests and cops get away with so much of what they do. There are priests who have been kind and compassionate to entire congregations and then gone on to rape 30/40 children in cruel ways that have led to many suicides, who feel zero shame or remorse and who very obviously just wanted access to children in a job that would give them community trust without having to earn it. That kindness and compassion is a performance to secure what you want.

Secondly, perhaps they were good with friends and family, so was Gacy. Many folks like this understand that they need to strategically set up networks of people who believe you to be kind etc. Being a psychopath doesn't mean you're stupid (although some are, varying intelligence levels exist), often these folks understand that to get away with doing what they truly want to do, there needs to be a cloak of 'I'm fine and normal and nice' around them. The ones who don't understand this tend to go to jail very quickly (or die very quickly due to the circumstances around their behaviours - being a psychopath is not a safe thing to be if you can't pair it with an ability to be selective).

But maybe I just haven't met the right people, or known them well enough.

I'm not going to talk about specific details of my past but I will say it's likely that you just haven't met someone on this level and/or have but are just not in their target zone because they might just be in the periphery of your experience.

Folks like Crielle exist in the world, for example, and sadly it's often more people than you'd expect. But some of those people are also incredibly intelligent and manipulative. They often operate on a level different to most of us.