#psycdelic

[pragmatic-illusions]

Why did I drop out...

I went to university back in 2017 realized I could not afford it. I dropped out before the deadline.

on 2022. I visited my cousin, they lived in a university town. I got my little coffee, took a train, I was reading a book in the campus book store, it felt like I was larping a college student and we met up later and ran errands together just for the reason to be with them.

I kept thinking maybe I should I go back to college.

2023

I caught covid the first week of the new year, bed ridden for 20 days.

I been unemployed for almost a year. I kept thinking about death, seeing my peers live their lives on their stories every weekend, I'm just sitting in my bedroom feeling alone and broke.

I went to a spring open house. They gave away a free waived application fee but there was deadline for it to be used. It was 25 dollars application fee. Me spending 25 meant I was gonna have to actually really commit to my descion.

SUMMER 2023

I tried looking for a job during the summer, I wasn't consistent enough. I went in person, job fairs,

I went to my states labor department of social services to get a job or get some kind of training, but i was hung up what career was good for me. I was broke that i couldn't have enough money for a bus ticket. I tried applying for unemployment but I didn't qualify. its demoralizing seeing everyone living life while your just at home being broke and alone.

I got a safety certification for a fork lift but no exp. with it. I stepped outside by a local bank under a tree where i saw dead bird, i kept thinking about the likely hood of dying at the job. That I was just chasing after the money.

While i was getting my transcripts, i asked my school for all possible records they had on file on me. I then i had access my IEP.

it was 600 pages of length. it followed me through out me through grade school and up until high school. It basically said i was neuro divergent, ADHD, autism, ODD. I had therapy, i had a lot of anger and adjustment issues, I ran out class rooms and I refused to speak.

Due to my mother not knowing English, and I had to speak and translate on her behalf. All i was told during parent-student conference was sign this, get a report on my behavior and how well i was doing with grades.

i was not given any medication, I was in therapy but was extremely anti social, I just bottled all my feelings in. I was pretty much raw dogging reality. Nobody outright told me I had ADHD.

SUPER MOON 2023

I took a train to the beach, to see the super moon, I kept thinking, i haven't lived enough... I never tried enough. i feel behind among my peers, I didn't do dumb risks of my early 20's, traveling, starting business, moving out. join a band, releationships, being coopted up in alienating white suburbia sprawl that's devoid of everything. I didn't had friends. my gap year became 5 years, nothing came out of it. I feel behind among my peers. I sat at the bar next to a women who a psycdelic painted denim jacket, "i felt i wasn't free, Now I'm just insecure, and aimless and numb. I

should just roam the earth, and bar tend or something, up my social skills, make connections, just live life, be a vagabond.

I wanted to sleep at the beach, it felt impulsive, but i looked back on my goals and this was something i wanted to for awhile. So i subconiouslly remembered it

I was pulled by desire and fear. where am I gonna sleep, what if the cops arrest me for camping here. I slept under the board walk, it was uncomfortable to say the least, if were to do it again a cardboard box and a tarp would have helped. I kept thinking how many people go to sleep homeless, how we take it for granted, how animals really out here suffer in the elements.

I was taking a risk, but it was mis-channeled calculated risk.

I also lost my phone where I slept and had to race to go back the same day.

i remember seeing my old coworker who was like a 2nd mom to me. She noticed how i carried such a different air about myself, after that beach day. I was more confident and at the same time i had felt like i had a somewhat purpose now before i entered college. That i was laguid in personality.

late summer, i came across existenalist philophers soren kirkgard concept of anxiety, how the feeling i had of wanting something but too afraid to pursue it was put into words.

I was at my town festivals, i felt like how a charcer feels when the screen starts to pan out and feeling isolated alone,

That if i don't do more of those risks that align with me i won't be confident.

I need more pre-dad lore.

If i don't take the risk or try stuff or go through the strife i will never know what i like or don't like, i won't know what my values are. If i don't know that i will just agonizie what is the right descion.

FALL 2023

I went to a community college, I had no money, or car.

I found a job at a conceirge but i wasn't allowed to work at that locaion any more because they didn't like the way i "looked"

they said wear dress pants, shirt and shoes, and i did, but it wasn't what they were looking for.

I got a scholarship during an interview. i failed the first one.

I ended up opting for all online classes except intro to art. I was fourntate enough that a class mate of mine lived in the same town so we could commute back and fourth.

My college had a community hub program that gave out pantry foods and free bus voucher tickets up until the time students get a refund check from.

I haven't been in class room since high school, even then I had in class support, modified tests, and encouragement. But not online.

Online classes: I'm literally alone in my room, with no one but myself and my own responblity. I tried doing a group chat with people in my class rooms but the interactions are so bare. How am I suppose to make friends this way or even network.

The students are not even at my age group. I can't relate to them

I just feel even more isolated. I'm just reminded how I stayed back twice and being few years older then my high school peers. Now its even more exaggerated.

If i were to start over, I would have asked for the course work to be given to me early, ask for extended deadlines. I didn't realize there was homework help at my library.

My parents didn't kick me out, they were supportive of me, I didn't had a car. Both campuses were at least accessible via public transportation. But getting to the main campus took an 1 hour and 30 mins via a bus and train. If the train or bus had a delay i would miss the bus and wait an extra 1:30. I missed two clubs meeting because of it. i didn't had job, i had no bills, i was on food, internet, and cell phone social services as in i didn't pay anything.

I stayed in college longer then i needed to because it felt like i doing something with my life on paper but as time went on it kept thinking what i am doing here, i don't even know what to do for a college degree, I keep agonizing about how much money i am gonna make, to live within my comfortable means, work life balance, do i really want this. will AI take it over.

I should have just done trade or certificate but i had no money.

I don't think I care about money at this point, I just want personal growth, but if you wanna grow as person you need money to get around.

The supermoon event, I should have followed my intuition, or asked about course materials or join photography.

its either i didn't try hard enough or its not something that i value or alligns with me. statstically i'm gonna be poorer without a degree,

i was put in the psych ward because i emailed a professor in a way that the college sent pig escorts to my house.

I feel guilt, i had all the resources, in front of me. but i wasn't confident or unsure, i had too many worries and negativity. look where that leads me. Theres many people out there who are deserving of my place or wanted to so badly but just can't.

I'm apporaching in a few years.

no one is gonna save you and I'm pretty much responsible for my own life.

[janepentgally-blog]

The tree is apart of my childhood as I would climb it everyday after school. That and the purple flowers hold strong memories to me. Just finished it now so enjoy. Media: #highlighter #blackballpointpen #ballpointpen #colourmarker #drymedia #A5 #card. Other: #drawing #tree #treedrawing #psycdelic #art #psychdelicart #home #colour

[sarahdotcom]

about me?

so this blog was pretty dead until recently and now I run multiple regularly so maybe it's time to throw some factual info out there about me, I'm writing this at the end of my third shift job so srry if anything doesnt make sense???

basic : I'm a liberal, religiously open stoner who is trying her best, but who isn't now a days? I'm from PA, USA with all the Amish people so hmu if you're just way too interested in learning more about that shit.

politics: liberal but also very not into SJW movement, not all men are rapists, our society is broken as a whole and the real enemy is the rich don't even tell me capitalism is healthy. all about revealing the injustices that built our society and the fucked up shit still going on that we all just turn a blind eye to. I love conspiracy theories but not flat earth bullshit like that, more like FBI child sex rings that are used by "Christian" politicians. that's enough of that tho

Hey bud what's wrong with ya brain?

great question! even I don't know sometimes. long story short birth control made my hereditary tendency for depression/anxiety a million times worse and now it's here forever? I also have always had terrible OCD but hey, that's what the meds are for. I've tried a variety of meds and have a lot of experiences with different mental disorders so I'm always here if y'all got some shit you need help with

religion: also long story short my mom dabbled in witchcraft when I was a kid and has maintained it as an influence but also went to church. I never had a set religion by my father at all either so I dabbled with numerous ones, going through the atheist, Christian, and pagan communities to come to this weird mix of everything. I believe in reincarnation and the universe and a god figure is more eh. I've also more recently had a mild interest in Satanism but only mild and not the shit Satanism that d oesnt even represent what it's supposed to be.

I'm not here to dismantle your God, I however am here to dismantle the idea of organized religion getting influence and tax breaks.

drugs ?

I like weed and some psycdelics. gtf away from me with that tweaker nation shit.

most importantly, I have a cat named Tamaki, specifically named after Tamaki from Ouran. he is fantastic and I love him . please ask me anything about my cat.

that's good enough for now, I hope we can be friends or at least reblog each other's memes thnx xoxo

[darkredrogue]

The psycdelics I took in the seventies are laughing at me now.

[firewoman-in-the-cosmos-blog]

album review

album: Voyager

artist: Fleece

genre: Psychedelic Slacker Rock

best tracks: 1, 2, 3, 5, 9

rating: 8.5/10

recommended if you like: Alt-J, Tame Impala, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Beach House

released: January 19, 2017

made famous by a YouTube video that went viral, “how to write an Alt-J song,” Toronto-based band Fleece has been steadily growing in popularity with its soothing, stoner-rock music. in this wonderful video, lead singer Matthew Rogers repeatedly sings the words “put it in my butt” with a tone wildly similar to that of Joe Newman’s of Alt-J, while the drummer, Ethan Soil, chuckles ravishingly over a bag of rice cakes. this video made me fall in love with the silly band, and I have been pleased with all of their releases since, including their new ten-track album, Voyager. Staying true to their jazzy, slacker rock vibe of their 2015 album Scavenger, Voyager adds another dimension to Fleece’s musical capabilities, as it feels more unorthodox and psychedelic with its use of synths and experimental noise.

Rogers’ vocals will always be my favorite thing about Fleece. he moans just enough to be simultaneously beautiful and discordant, keeping you interested with its uniqueness. he has an almost jarring vibrato, which matches well with the band’s usual upbeat drums, loose electric guitar melodies, and funky bass riffs. what I find most fascinating about Fleece is the amount of dynamic contrast there is in each individual song. every song seems diverse in and of itself with a plentiful amount of divergent melodies, tones, and builds. the heterogeneity within each song makes Fleece an incredibly entertaining band to listen to. it almost feels as if you are following the band’s stream of consciousness through tangents of alternating instrumentation, with each change in dynamic representing Fleece’s desire to digress. yet, all of these builds and layers of Fleece’s music are anything but inconsistent, as the music thematically blends well, with an overarching vibe of floating ease.

in its entirety, the album has a balanced fusion of mellow and hallucinatory songs, as well as upbeat gazing-out-of-the-car-window-at-purple-mountains-on-a-road-trip type melodies. the opening track, “Under The Light,” begins spacey and casually with acoustic strumming, continual floating synth, and reverberated vocals. it fits what I described above as having drastic variances in melody and instrumentation throughout the track. the song seems to break from its energetic verses into its choruses to include merely bass, slight guitar picking, and haunting “ahh’s” to back Roger’s vocals. the song builds into its end with increasing layers of harmonized vocal tracks and psychedelic synth noise, until it fades out with a jazzy synth chord. Track two, “On My Mind” has a largely positive and beachy vibe due to the swelling effect of the electric guitar, and swooping vocal melodies. the guitar feels almost slapstick with its silliness. yet, this silliness contrasts the existential lyrics, as Rogers’ sings, “wondering about all the lives I won’t lead / taking up my mind.”

the third track, “Voyager,” begins with Tame Impala-esque psychedelic, oscillating high-pitched synths, backed by lower and deeper synth chords. the song is entirely instrumental, save the glorious “ooh’s” and “ahh’s,” which swell and blend with the synths. this short track is astonishingly beautiful with its dissonant harmonies and encapsulating echoes. it fades well into the fourth track, “What You’ve Done,” which hastens the tempo of the album with fast-paced, bongo-influenced drumming. most of the time while Rogers is not singing, the song feels very intense, almost overwhelmingly so, yet in the best kind of way. this is not a song that you can listen to without tapping your foot or bobbing your head, at a minimum.

track five, “Riverside” is the best track on the album, beginning with a jazzy bass riff, reverb guitar shreds, and synths that emulate the flow of a river. the song gradually escalates in sound and tempo through each verse, with the addition of heavier percussion and soothing, layered vocal harmonies. this song is incredible in its dynamic variance; each instrument seems to intensify and build throughout the fabulous six-minute track, creating a powerful structure of noise and energy. the structure, however, slowly dissolves as the song mellows into a slower percussion with elongated notes of electric guitar, and dramatic synth. the song ends with a charming duet between bass and synth.

like track three “Voyager,” the sixth track “Voyager (By The Sea)” is solely instrumentation. the two-minute song includes the sound of wind easing in and out around the angelic, fluttering keyboard. it is incredibly psychedelic with some jazzy undertones. the following track, “Fried Eggs,” drastically changes the tempo of the album, sticking to the album’s theme of unrestrained tempo and dynamic variation. the hastened drums dance behind an incredibly funky bass riff. the song  begins with Roger belting the words, “fried eggs,” which feels incredibly silly, until he goes on to sing lyrics, “the simple things / fried eggs / when everything was great.” what was maybe thought to be a song about a man’s love for fried eggs, turns into an existential pondering of one’s loneliness.

the harmonies in track eight, “Seasons,” begin powerful and fierce. although this song certainly is not my favorite as the instrumentation feels slightly lacking, I adore its funky and jazzy instrumental bass riffs.

track nine “You Are You,” opens with a duet between a beautiful keyboard melody and Rogers’ vocals. the song gradually increases in sound with additional layers of synths, harmonies, and keyboard. it is soul-warmingly beautiful. the vocal harmonies pair fascinatingly well with the song’s instrumentation. my only critique about the song is its length, as it runs just under two minutes long. I wish more than anything that this song extended for another two or so minutes. the song’s elegance is felt not only through its phenomenal harmonious beauty, but also through its kind lyrics, which tell the listener to be nothing but themselves: “when you can’t see above an argument / don’t feel all the defeat / when you can’t see above the heart of it / you are you / I am me / if you’ll be so above the argument / you are you.”  

the tenth and final track of the album, “Fix It Together,” finishes the album with an upbeat, encouraging, and positive tone. the song is all about “dreaming of something new,” and finding fulfillment in life by searching for truth--essentially, echoing the sentiment of the song prior, by being true to oneself. overall, I think this album is fantastic. and to think that their fame began with a silly, stoner video full of layered verses of the words “put it in my butt!” I highly recommend checking out this album, and Fleece’s music in general, if you like music that is engrossingly unexpected, energetically unique, and ultimately beautiful.

[ksurvivetheday]

[a-me-m]

[filibis]

Şarkının görseline kurban!

[bundythecreator]

...I'm hot but I'm cold I just change with the seasons ... #psycdelic #art #3rd👀

[mente-em-decomposicao-blog]

[billbaunach]

Psycho, Pastel on Paper.