#ps sorry for taking so long to answer this… it got lost in my drafts 😭😭

[calmlb]

hi! just curious if you hc dazai with any specific mental disorders/illnesses? i have read a bunch of your fics and loved them all but cannot remember rn if you have ever labelled or coded him with anything💕

ooh, this is an interesting question!!

unless i’m exploring a specific mental condition, or the condition is a theme in the fic, i generally don’t put too much thought into labels when it comes to Dazai’s mental health 🫶🏻

obviously he does struggle with his mental health, & i have certain headcanons that seem plausible (such as dissociation, depression, possibly SAD). but i usually prefer to explore from the psychology/philosophy/emotional angle of his character :’)

that being said, i recently realized that im neurodivergent, which made me realize that i’ve been unknowingly writing Dazai as neurodivergent all this time (which i def do believe he is) 😭😭

tldr: i guess the only label that i generally use with him is neurodivergent 🥹

[wetcatspellcaster]

Hello again, Ms. gender nerd anon here, re-sending my ask! Thanks for confirming it got lost!

I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your stance on misogyny in BG3 fandom (those “shipping Astarion with women is conversion therapy” takes are wild).

Gender dynamics in your fics are also a breath of fresh air because of how full of default heterosexual sado-masochism* and female submission in general f/m Astarion fics are (nothing wrong with being submissive, but the tendency itself is not above criticism imo). I absolutely love Rosalie’s wit, intelligence, agency, initiative, insecurities and vulnerability, she’s such a deep and well-rounded character. She’s a badass but not in a stereotypical “strong woman” type way which just acts “masculine”, e.g. fights, is assertive and sure of herself, etc. I think you’re doing a great job at portraying more egalitarian f/m relationship and sexuality.

I also remember you saying something like (I’m paraphrasing here) the problem you see with “I can fix him” trope is heterosexism that often accompanies it.

Considering all this I wonder if gender dynamics and using a feminist lens is something you consciously think about when writing Rosalie/Astarion and if yes, how do you approach that?

Thank you!

* https://preview.redd.it/6ak4wpp4zimc1.jpeg?width=577&auto=webp&s=933cf03cb5cc08346d3dff9bfc4a3266a0b68651&app_web_view=ios

PS I also read Howl’s Moving Castle recently and really felt something of Howl and Sophie in your fics, it’s lovely!

PPS English in not my first language so sorry for any awkward phrases/mistakes

hi anon, thank you for coming back with the long-awaited question (also there is no need to stress about the English used here, it's all very high level lmao so please don't apologise!)

I'm not interested in commenting/speaking ill on other fics or trends within Astarion fic so I'm only going to discuss this question in relation to my own writing. [Beyond once more reiterating that the popularity of m/m ships in fandom has its roots in racism and misogyny (a preference for white male characters above any female characters, especially those of colour when they are the canon interest), and the belief that 'gay' ships are inherently more virtuous has its roots in um. radfem ideology. and again, misogyny. Fair enough if you like what you like but please examine your biases and plz stop hating women and dressing it up as queer positivity.]

This ended up being very, very long, so it's under the cut lads! I did promise I could talk about gender in fiction all day long.

So first off, anon - people like what they like. There's nothing wrong with that - most of what I write, it's not done with any virtue signalling in mind, it's just that I'm writing what I like, as well. That is, I'm going to be honest, in large part my answer to your question.

In all honesty, I do not write my bg3 with an inherently feminist lens or mindset held in my brain at the time of drafting, beyond the fact that I'm a feminist in my own day-to-day life. If I was to attribute it to anything... I would actually be really basic, and just be frank: I really like women. I find women hot. I like a lot of female characters, more than I like male ones.

I'm really touched you think Rosalie is a well-rounded character, as she is intended to be written that way, but honestly? I just find her hot. I give her good lines and fun moments equal to Astarion's, bc she's v sexy to me. I like giving her hot things to do, and at a very basic level, it's for me, lmao. I made her well-rounded, bc I like her and I find her entire character aspirational and attractive. Fic is, often, just for pleasure. In the same way other people write what they find hot, I write what I find hot, and if you were to examine my fics and my bookmark history (Sophie/Howl is up there honestly, but Jareth/Sarah from Labyrinth is the biggest giveaway lmao) you would know that I just find this kind of dynamic.... where there's a villain and a heroine who breaks him.... or a woman who reads a man for filth... hot.

But if you want an answer that goes deeper and more theoretical, there are two things that I can give you!

I find it both reassuring and funny that you bring up both heterosexism and not making Rose 'masculine', bc Rosalie is consciously one of my most femme OCs. The pink/purple colour scheme is a dead giveaway. I think this was because, in Early Access, all of the femme companions are gnc in some way, which was fucking awesome, but that meant there was a gap in the market for my funky pink tiefling!

Most of the characters were also quite edgy - I've talked about the Early Access disapproval, and the way it felt like you were being bullied by the pixels inside your gaming PC, and how this informed my choice of OC. At the time, I was also playing in a D&D game full of edgelords, and was getting quite bored (mid-pandemic) with this entire belief that playing 'good', or being idealistic, is naive/dumb, or boring, or trite, or overdone. A lot of my writing is triggered by a spite reflex, so in Rose, I doubled down. I put a lot of tropes about femininity that get a lot of hate in fandom into Rosalie, bc these often overlap with the idea that being emotional or naïve is undesirable bc (you guessed it!) misogyny. It's better to be jaded and cynical, bc that's a traditionally masculine view of the world. This idea that being 'good' is stupid is fed by many things, but it is gendered, and making Rosalie a high femme woman was a conscious decision.

BUT in her character, I also had this secondary question - in a group where everyone is berating you for being kind, if you're a rabid people pleaser and traditionally feminine caregiver, why are you refusing to back down? How are we getting to the 'lawful' part of lawful good - which I interpret as having an inflexible moral code? And this was where I bought in the idea that someone is trying to make up for lost time, and created the device of her agoraphobia, and the tadpole as anxiety medication.

I think this is perhaps what makes her feel well-rounded, but also takes her from 'passively' feminine to 'actively' feminine - she's had all the traditional femme upbringing BUT she then has a tadpole hijacking all her AFAB socialisation, everything that's told her to not to take up space or back down or defer to other people.

I'm not going to lie, this is something I am struggling with at the moment: an awareness of being raised and socialised as a woman, and as an autistic woman who's masking practices are inherently tied up into the codes of femininity and the behaviour expected of her. I didn't realise this at the time of writing. But I guess Rosalie gets access to a confidence she didn't before, through a magic cure, and this is something that alters the dynamics of her character in a way that allows her to have a more active role. She doesn't feel the need to mask much anymore (see! this is why I find her HOT!!!)

..

The other gendered lens I will admit to bringing to the table with Rosalie, and consciously employing, is the traditional gendered dichotomy between emotion (femininity)/intellect (masculinity) that was held in the 1800s-1900s. This is because this theory used to fascinate me, I've read/studied a lot about the idea of gendered modes of reading books and understanding the world - for instance, there was a moral panic that's reflected in books like Northanger Abbey and Madame Bovary where it was feared women couldn't read literature properly, and that the lines between fiction and reality became blurred for them, because literature incites emotions and women are inherently more emotional beings. It was believed that they couldn't differentiate between the emotions fiction made them feel, and their real life. This persists till today, in a derogatory approach to female fandom, to immersed readers, and the media products that girls like (e.g. the Twilight books, and associated derision of its readership). In this dichotomy and belief system, women are overly emotional and thus stupid/idealistic, and the admirable way to be is critical, detached, intellectual - ie. everything the man making these rules thinks he is.

This DOES come into play with Rosalie, in a big way, but that's kind of BG3's fault. The whole idea of a mindflayer, is someone who is intellect without any emotion, and this makes them threatening, and powerful. I coupled that with a woman who sees her depression (and thus her emotion) as a weakness, and who is using illithid tadpoles as medication. I've talked a few time in asks, about how the bad ending for Rosalie would be her turning into the mindflayer for the good of the group, becoming that ideal of intellectual detachment that she thinks will be all everyone wants from her. It would be: The Bleeding Heart, versus The Exalted Mind. I sat on that decision screen, CRYING, for a really long time, bc I knew she would turn illithid in a heartbeat, for all the wrong reasons. To me, it felt like a new version of suicidal ideation had been given to my mess of a character. (Thank god for Astarion in this instance, honestly).

As a wizard, Rosalie is operating in that intellectual paradigm that critical thinking = good. Being cold and analytic = good. She is not that, until she has the tadpole: she never aspired to power, she feels in thrall to her own emotional state, she feels like her emotions make her weak and have actively disadvantaged her progress. So she is facing this battle between what she thinks she should be - intellectually confident, certain, calculated and cool - and what she thinks she is - emotionally messy, easily manipulated, sad and weak - without realising it's a fake mutually exclusive binary, and she can in fact be both. This is a journey I hope to take her on in An Honest Lie, and she's already undergone in Pieces (although, there's a bit more emotional repression in this timeline, if she was actually well-adjusted i think she would've fucked the Ascendent at least once lol).

What I did bring to the table was a extreme frustration at traditionally feminine-coded traits (moral idealism, goodness, empathy, over-emotional modes of being in the world) being constantly derided or treated as stupid. I also wanted to write a wizard who wasn't a pinnacle of intellect, but was struggling with that fact, and I made her high femme for a reason!

So... yeah! TLDR, I write women with personalities bc I like and am attracted to women - the same way a lot of male characters get attention or become the most fully fleshed, complex beings in existence, bc their writers like and are attracted to them. I do not write consciously feminist attacks on other people's dynamics, what I write is the dynamics I find incredibly sexy instead.

So I guess... my advice on how to approach things???

write what you find hot

give attention to the characters you find hot

if there are any dynamics you find interesting in theory, you can explore them!

I did make a conscious choice to subvert some tropes in Pieces, but this was mostly to avoid writing noncon bc it's not my thing, I didn't have any interesting in doing that to my OC, and also, i don't think I could write it well. So I guess the other thing you can do is, if there's a trope that frustrates you or you don't like the gendered politics of something, think of a new interesting way to write it or flip that dynamic (....like a Power Word Kill!)

[beelzegrub]

can I request what would happen if we summon them while we're on human realm bc we missed them so much but lose so much blood in the process I don't really know I'm a sucker for these kind of things. thank youu!!

EDIT FROM FUTURE OP: This ask has been sitting in my drafts for months half finished and I finally found the motivation to finish. Anon, I’m so sorry for the wait. You’re a sweetheart ❤️ I was only able to do the three eldest though and I’m so sorry!!

Um hello??? I love this so much thank you!!! I thought it was kind of silly to go through all of that at the end of season 2 to just.... not use it so I’m excited about this!!!! (Sorry if this is too angsty my brain got super pumped about this and took off.

PS the request said “we” so I used a reader insert type of style. Hope that’s what you were looking for :)

MC Summons Their Demon, but at What cost?

Trigger warning!!!! Self harm/blood

How long had it been since you’d seen the him? Weeks? Months? Who knows. They all blended together after while. All you knew is that it had been too long. Why was this all so tedious? Solomon had promised to teach you the summoning ritual as soon as you could handle it. Why hadn’t he done so? Did he not trust you? Was he purposely keeping you away from the them? Surely you were strong enough at this point. Enough with the waiting. You wouldn’t sit around and any longer! You needed to see them. You needed to see him.

You flipped messily through book after book. Solomon had given you many to study for your apprenticeship. There had to be something about summoning in one of these!

“Hmm..”

You carefully read through the worn pages of one of the larger and dustier tomes. Something about this one called to you. You zoned out as you took in the information on the pages, following context clues until you found what you were looking for. The images drawn on the page seemed foreign and surprised you. A summoning circle? You had expected as much, but the repeated mentions of ‘sacrifice’ and ‘blood oath’ seemed ancient and outdated. You couldn’t help but notice there was no mention of sentimental possessions of the demon you were trying to summon as well. You were sure none of the brothers would suggest a summoning if it were dangerous though...

Out of options and out of patience, you gathered your courage and set up the ritual to the best of your ability. Things seemed to match the books instructions, at least. All that was left was the blood. You stepped into the middle of the circle and closed brought a sewing needle to the top of your finger. The book hadn’t specified the amount of blood needed, but it was better to start small, you reasoned. You closed your eyes and pricked it, quickly squeezing a single drop of blood into the center of the circle, and said the name of the person you had been desperate to see.

Lucifer

The day of the summoning, Lucifer had felt this nagging sense of danger from the moment he opened his eyes. He was so sure it was one of his brothers about to cause trouble for him once again.

Lucifer spent the day preparing for the worst. Had Mammon stolen something of vast importance? Did Levi buy another piece of cursed media? Surely Beel hadn’t eaten a poisonous dish??

That evening, tired from being on edge all day, he had retired to his study, hoping some music would help calm his nerves. He settled into his chair and closed his eyes.

Then came the pull.

It had been ages since he had felt a sensation like this. When was the last time someone had tried to summon him? Hundreds of years ago, it had to be. And it never felt as strong as this force pulling him now.

There had once been a cult of devil worshipers who sacrificed many of their members for a chance to pull him to the human world, quite surprised to find out their sacrifices had been in vain, considering Lucifer wasn’t interested in a bunch of worthless humans. But even then the tug hadn’t been this strong. Sure, he could still resist it, but the strength of it still left him awestruck. Who had the power to call to him like this?

“Lucifer!”

His blood ran cold. Immediately, he stopped resisting the call and gave in, allowing the summoning to take place.

You had done it. Lucifer was here! The strongest and most fearsome of the seven, and you had Summoned him to you. Your heart swelled when you though of how impressed he’d be when he found out you had done it all on your own. Would he praise you? Would he tease you? Would he tilt his head and smirk, then ask you if you had really missed him that much?

You smiled softly, looking up at him. The look on his face wasn’t one of pride. His eyebrows had furrowed and a frown creased deep into his face. Was he angry at you? No... you had seen his anger many times. This wasn’t it.

“MC....what have you done?”

He cradled you softly in his arms. Wait. When had he picked you up? You looked at your surroundings, the fear in the pit of your stomach ever growing. Where had all this blood come from? You had only pricked your finger! Lucifer’s hand touched your cheek, pulling your face back to him.

“Don’t look.”

You had no choice but to obey. You simply didn’t have the strength to move anymore.

“I’ve called for help, it’ll be just a moment, MC. Just keep your eyes on me.”

Lucifer’s voice was soft and soothing, and you felt your tired body relax into his hold.

“I did it... I brought you here... I did it...” you closed your eyes, a smile on your lips.

“MC, keep your eyes open. Look at me. MC! MC!”

Mammon

That day had started out much the same as always. Mammon, still sore from last nights punishment, groaned as he slumped into his desk at RAD. He rested his head in his arms against the desk, and glanced at the seat that used to belong to you. Obviously, you weren’t there, but it didn’t hurt to check....

“MC is still in the human world, Mammon.” 

Mammon jumped and sat up straight in his seat, his cheeks red from being caught.

“I know that Belphie! I was just-just uh zonin��� out! MC’s old seat just happened to be in the same direction!” He stuttered out an excuse. 

“Just call them, Mammon. I’m sure MC would be happy to hear your voice.”  Oh great, now Beel’s getting involved too. He knew his brothers meant no harm, but all this talk about MC was getting him riled up!

“Fine! I will! I’ll call MC tonight! and you two AREN’T invited!” Mammon laid his head down once again, this time hiding his face, not wanting his blush to show a second time. Tonight he’d finally hear MC’s voice again. And he could blame Beel and Belphie for the call!

 Come dinner time, Mammon had just about run out of patience. His head kept telling him to wait just a bit longer, but something in his heart was yelling for him to quit dragging his feet. 

“I’m going to my room and NOBODY better interrupt me, ya hear?!” Mammon stumbled to his feet and started marching to his room, six pairs of eyes staring at him questioningly. He only made it a few steps when he felt it. A tug. He closed his eyes and swayed on his feet, dizzy from the force of it. This was a summoning, wasn’t it? He had felt it plenty of times from those damn witches, but something about this was different. He turned around to look his brothers again, a look of confusion on his face.

“I...think I’m bein’ summoned.”

Levi snorted and crossed his arms. “I’m sure you’re guilty of something. Better just get it over with.”

The rest of the brothers mumbled in agreement.

Except Lucifer.

Lucifer quickly pushed out his chair and hurried to Mammon. Something was wrong. A simple summoning wouldn’t have this effect on a demon of Mammon’s stature. 

The pull came once again, stronger this time. Mammon winced and held his hand to his aching head. Lucifer’s hand came down to rest on his shoulder

 “I don’t know how long I can resist this. Somethin’ isn’t right. Lucifer, what’s happening to me?” He looked to his brother for help, and found the rest of them had gathered around as well, a look of concern on all of their faces. 

“Someone call for Diavolo and Barbatos. Mammon, hold on just a few more moments.” Lucifer commanded. 

Mammon would have agreed, if not for the voice that rang out clearly in his head, calling his name. 

“Mammon!”

Mammon’s eyes snapped open and stopped resisting the pull, hearing the shouts from his brothers disappear as he followed the call.

“Mammon! Mammon! Mammon Mammon Mammon! Please!” You couldn’t keep this up for much longer, you knew it. You had fallen to your knees moments after the initial call. You could feel every drop of blood flowing out of the pin prick on your finger, but you didn’t dare give up. You had come this far, and you wouldn’t give up now. Not until you had to.

But you didn’t have to. A flash of light blinded you momentarily, and when you could see again, there he was. Standing there was the Mammon. Relief flushed through your entire body, and you stopped pouring your magic into the spell. Utterly exhausted, your body came crashing forward, landing in front of his feet.

Mammon quickly slid to his knees on the ground, picking you up off the floor and resting your head in his lap.

“You....Are you okay, MC?” Mammon tried to keep his voice even and steady, not wanting to scare you, but his hands that held too tightly and his body that quivered gave him away. 

“I am now.” You answered quietly, unsure if it was true. At least Mammon was here and holding you in his arms. Things would be okay as long as he was with you. 

“You...You idiot! Stupid! What the heck were ya thinkin’!? Can’t you see how much blood you’ve lost? This isn’t how you’re supposed to be summoning us! I’m gonna kill that damn sorcerer!” Mammon felt his blood boil with each second that passed. How Could Solomon have allowed this?

You softly squeezed his hand, not having the energy to yell for his attention. Immediately, he stopped, looking at you questioningly. 

“Solomon didn’t teach me this. He wouldn’t. But.... I just couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to see you.” You answered.

He frowned deeply, more troubled with this answer. You had done all this just to see him? He felt a lump in his throat form. “I would have come to you. You didn’t have to do this.” He pressed his forehead to yours, closing his eyes to stop any tears from escaping. 

You cupped his cheek, returning the affection he so rarely showed. “S’okay. All that matters is you’re here now. I just...need....to rest....a little...” Your eyes fluttered closed, feeling at peace and calm in your love’s arms. 

Panic. Once again, Mammon’s eyes snapped open. He placed his hand over yours, trying to gently coax you into opening your eyes once more. 

“Not yet, you can’t yet, MC. We have to wait for help to come. Come on, wake up.” He knew his brothers would come. Someone would come. They wouldn’t let this happen to you. He wouldn’t let this happen to you. “MC!” When gentle touches didn’t work, he got rougher, shaking you and yelling, desperate to see your eyes open.

“Enough playin’ around MC! Wake up! WAKE UP, DAMMIT! Wake... Wake up...You have to..... Wake up....”

Leviathan

To say that Levi was missing his MC was like saying humans like air. Is it true? Yeah, but kind of an understatement. Humans needed air to live and breathe, and in his eyes, you were air. It’s no secret that Levi wasn’t exactly popular. One might even say it was well known that he was a dorky loner demon, if they were feeling particularly sassy. Being a loner has it’s advantages, like having more time for gaming and anime binging, but it sure is, well, a lonely once you’ve had someone to share your passions with. And once that someone is gone, their absence weighs heavy.

So yes, Levi was missing MC. So what? Everyone was missing MC. Why wouldn’t they? His MC was a ray of sunshine in a world of darkness. Ugh. That line sounder way cooler when the hero in his latest otome had said it. Of course his thoughts couldn’t sound that cool. But that’s not the point! Levi figured he had no right to complain about MC being gone, because he was just a gross, annoying, worthless otaku. He didn’t deserve to miss them. He was lucky he got to spend as much time with them as he did, really. 

But nobody could blame him for thinking these thoughts, right? Thinking about how much he missed the way MC would cram themselves as close to him as possible to get a look at whatever mobile game he was playing was harmless. So was remembering all the nights they’d spent binging anime and then realizing the sun was up, smiling sheepishly at each other and promising not to stay up so late next time, even though they always did. Okay, so maybe  thinking about the way they looked when they were fresh out of his shower, smelling of his soap and shampoo was less than innocent, but what was he supposed to do!? Leaning your damp head on his shoulder and curling up close to him like that! Doing things like that is bad for an otaku’s heart! You might give them hope or something...

Enough was enough! He didn’t have time to be obsessing over how much he missed MC. It was taking time away from his one and only true love. “Ruri-Chan, you’d never abandon me right? No, I know you wouldn’t. You’re not like that.” Levi began speaking to his latest figure. “Not to say MC IS like that! No, of course their not! They didn’t have a choice!” He stuttered out a quick fix to his hurtful words. He was glad they weren’t around to hear, but it still felt wrong to say. He was quiet for a minute, staring at his floor in shame. Slowly, he lifted his eyes back to the figure. “Do you think they miss me like I miss them?”

And then he felt it. It had been so long, but he knew this feeling.This was a summoning, wasn’t it?! Based on the intense tug he felt, it had to be a super powerful sorcerer or maybe a group of basic magic users? Honestly, he was flattered. Someone wanted to summon HIM? No, They must have made a mistake. Surely this summon was meant for one of his brothers.

Leviathan was so lost in his own self pity he missed the first two calls of his name. The third one, sounding so desperate and pleading, snapped him out of his funk in an instant. He knew that voice. Without hesitation he let the summon take him, and there he was. He was finally reunited with MC.

But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. When he finally saw them again, he was supposed to feel elated and whole again, not like a piece of his heart was ripped right out of his chest. But when he locked eyes with them, surrounded by blood and their eyes looking glassy, that’s exactly what he felt.

“MC! Oh no. Oh no.”

Levi. He was here. He had to be. You heard his voice and felt his presence, felt his arms circle around you and cradle you tightly against his chest. But why couldn’t you see him? And why did you feel so… empty?

“Levi? That’s you isn’t it? Why is it so dark?” Had the candles all gone out? No, even before you lit them, you remember it hadn’t been this dark. Something was wrong.

Levi inhaled shakily, holding back the sobs he desperately wanted to release. “MC, what are you talking about? I’m right here! Can’t you see me?”

Like a bolt of lighting, the realization hit you. It wasn’t dark. The candles hadn’t gone out. It was your eyes.

“No, Levi. I can’t. I can’t see you. I can’t see anything.” You shakily reach your hand up, frantically feeling around for your love’s face. Leviathan’s usual timid nature word have normally had him reeling away, but in this moment, he had no reservations as he helped guide your hand to his cheek. His lips trembled as he fought the urge to scream.

“MC…. Why would you do this? You’ve lost so much blood… and.. and your sight? I’m not worth this. I’m just a useless otaku! It isn’t fair!” His tears began to flow, the guilt of it all was ripping him apart.

You closed your eyes and smiled as you remembered the many faces of this man you had called to you. “It was worth it. I did it because I love you, Levi. I need you. After all, what good is a Henry without his lord?”

[pies-writes-and-more]

PIES’ FIC RECOMMENDATIONS FOR MAY 2020

So I’ve never done one of these fic recommendations lists before but I really want to share some of the amazing work that I’ve read this past month! I’ve definitely read a whole ton more but I was dumb and didn’t think to like draft this list and then just keep adding to it... so I’m just attempting to go through my tags LOL please be patient with my dumbass. 

NOTE: Since I only started doing this recently, a lot of my recommendations are gonna come from a lot of my mutuals but I’m always open to hearing more about other fics!!! If you’ve got an incredible fic that you are super proud of or if you think that I should read something you’ve read, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME! I’m really big on StevexFem!Reader, BuckyxFem!Reader, WandaxFem!Reader, CarolxFem!Reader, and Stucky fics!!!

If you do end up reading these fics, please tag me if you reblog them or comment on them!! I’d love to see your guys’ reactions :) 

ANYWAYS THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE CRUSHED MY HEART WITH AMAZING FICS, RUINED MY IDEALS OF WHAT LOVE IS, AND/OR BROKEN MY HEART WITH ANGST ONLY TO REVIVE IT WITH SOME FLUFF. I love you all so very much.

PS. if these links dont work for some reason, please let me know so I can update this list because I was very distracted halfway through making this so it might not be perfect!

1.Walpurgis Night by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “In which Steven volunteers to find a long-lost princess of Starkerbürg. (Fairy Tale AU)” I have no clue why this fic is not given more goddamn attention because holy shit yall, I have never been so grasped by a fic before. If you love medieval/fairy tale type things, you will love this fic. And if you don’t, you’re gonna love it anyways because @anika-ann​ writes SO. FUCKING. WELL. 100% fluff and love.

2. Abs Aren’t Always the Answer by @its-not-captain-america​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve asks Y/N what girls are interested in, trying to impress her. Several shirtless pics later it’s not working.” Y’all want hilarious shit??? What about Steve Rogers always trying to take his fucking shirt off because he has the DNA (and the body) of a stripper? JK that’s not the actual reason but this fic is so funny, I died reading the first 700 times (and the 701st time too... and every time after that). 100% hilarious.

3. Challenge Accepted...? by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader ”Steve’s never been good at quick decision-making when it came to his own safety. After one particularly horrible experience, you find a way to remind him every day to think twice the next time he’s faced with a tough choice. He is not amused.” Steven Grant Rogers you stupid dumb hoe lol. That’s all I’mma say about this fic because it speaks for itself when you read it haha. Banter is iconic in this fic. 100% hilarious.

4. A Matter of Trust by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You and Steve get to go to a mission together after a while; free drinks, partying, dressing-up nicely, stealing blueprints, the usual. You might even enjoy this as a couple.“ This time it’s Y/N that’s kindof a stupid dumb hoe but like that’s okay because when Y/N is a stupid dumb hoe, it’s not as stupid or dumb as when Steve does it. There’s a bit of a carry on between Challenge Accepted...? and this fic! So I would suggest reading that one first and then this :) 100% hilarious.

5. For a Smile by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You see him run past every morning. So you smile, because he looks like a nice person. How could he not be when he smiles back and the world stops for a while to pay respect to such beauty?” So you know how Disney movies totally screwed over some of our perspectives of how guys were gonna come and sweep us off our feet? Yeah. This fic did it too. I’m still waiting for my fairytale fucking moment like this fic but if it never happens, I’ll settle for just reading this over and over again LOL. 100% F L U F F and LOVE.

6. Grease and Pearls by @anika-ann​​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “All you know is uptown; fancy clothes, expensive cars, jewellery outshining one’s personality and exhausting dinners with family acquaintances and business partners. Your life is all planned out; one day, you’ll marry Howard Stark’s son and you’ll be the golden couple adored by press.” This 3-part series slayed me. Like honestly, I’ve never been so torn apart before. Y’all lucky that if you read it, you get to read all 3 parts right away whereas I had to sit and wait for my heart to be torn apart and then stomped on. (Jk anika i love you you know that). Super amazing thing I love about this fic: it’s got links to the dresses that Y/N wears (super cute btw) AND it’s got two different endings so you can decide!!! 100% ANGST and 100% FLUFF? At the same time??? Because of the two endings?!?!?!? NOTE: part 2 got some steamy smut in there so 18+ readers only. I had to take a cold shower after reading it like goddamn.

7. Be Alright by @kayteewritessteve​ ​| Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve goes through a bad breakup, but a sweet voice and a friendly smile helps him realize he can begin again, and that he definitely should.” God this fic. I can’t with this fic. It’s based on the Dean Lewis song Be Alright, which is already one of my favourites, but this fic, ugh, Kaytee knows how to hurt you that’s for sure. It’s so pure and so wonderful. 100% SAD but like it gets better promise.

8. Cold Feet by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

“After two months of dating, you’ve come to a conclusion as exciting as well as a bit irritating: Steve Rogers is a perfect man. He simply has no flaw.Or does he?” Mother. Fucking. Adorable. I dunno if there’s anything else to say except that anika really knows how to make me wish I was Y/N adsoifhosd. 100% F L U F F

9. Hot Chocolate by @vodkaxtonic​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve gets sick and Y/N takes care of him, which involves a lot of Steve’s whining, hot chocolate and cuddles.“ Steve Rogers is a little shit who won’t just accept that he’s sick and needs to be taken care of BUT IT’S SO CUTE AND THIS FIC IS THE BEST!!!! 100% FLUFF!!

10. Home by @evanstush​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “It’s been 2 years since the last battle and it’s now Morgan’s 7th birthday, and well, Tony being Tony, he prepared a small party for her little girl, inviting everyone from the team, including you.” Hnnnggg this fic. Okay so. I love @evanstush​ with all my fucking heart because she’s always been so supportive of me and my fics. That being said I WAS NOT EXPECTING HER KIND ASS TO HURT MY HEART LIKE THIS. But again, it’s okay because it’s got fluff guys. 50% ANGST and 50% FLUFF. Well like it’s 100% both but like I have to split it haha.

11. Cocktails by @writeyourmindaway​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “ ~i really don’t know what to write i’m sorry~ DRINKS!” That’s okay, darling, I’ll write the summary you. HILARITY. WONDERFULNESS. THE WORD BLOWJOB WRITTEN SO MANY TIMES AND IT’S FUCKING GOLD. This is so funny i love it haha. This fic killed me. I should’ve seen it coming (hehe) but i didn’t lol. 100% HILARIOUS.

12. Unadulterated by @writeyourmindaway​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader No summary for this one but again, I shall do the honours haha. It’s part 2 of ‘Cocktails’ and this one is just as adorable and hilarious as the first part! Steve is a cheeky little soft boi and the flirting just makes me feel all sorts of ways <3 100% ADORABLE.

13. Water Wars by @writeyourmindaway | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader “The team finds a new way to unwind” I love fics where you just see the team get to be normal people!!! Plus haven’t we all thought about how the Avengers would are in a water fight? Is that just me? Don’t have to fantasize about it now because @writeyourmindaway wrote it for you :D 100% FLUFF.

14. Slow Like Honey by @heli0s-writes | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “The gossip that buzzes around in the teacher’s lounge is that sweet, sensitive, divorcé Steve Rogers is hot-for-teacher. His daughter’s first-grade teacher, to be exact.” I binged this whole fucking series. 8 parts of PURE. EVERYTHING. I have never so badly wanted a happy ending in my fucking life. This is an amazing series with so much love put into it, you can tell. I really can’t explain this fic because you really need to just go read it to know how amazing it is. NOTE: Part 4, 5, and 8 have some serious love smut in there so 18+ readers only please. UGH. I love this fic so much. I will continue to keep daydreaming about it and thinking about it all the time. God I love me some Dad!Steve. 50% FLUFF and 50% ANGST (which seriously tore my heart out like I cried).

15. You Make My World Spin by @anika-ann | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “After the Battle of New York and all the mess Tony gets involved in later, Pepper believes he is in a need of an assistant slash tech genius. Enter you. While Tony is not amused by Pepper’s idea at first… he soon warms up to you.” So many insanely wonderful references in this fic, it’s hilarious. Also, Tony being a little shit LOL. Such a hilarious fic!!!! 100% AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS.

16. If You Stumble... by @anika-ann | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “If you stumble…make it part of the dance. In which you ask Steve what your date would look like if you lived the forties. He decides to show you instead. There are few flaws, holes to see through to glimpse beyond that illusion. But what life would be besides boring if everything was perfect? Perfect dress. Perfect date. Perfect gentleman…?” So my dumbass was so excited to read something that anika put out that I didn’t realize this was part 2 of a 3 part series lol I’m dumb yes I know. Anyways, this is part 1 so please don’t be like me and read the first part LOL. ANYWAYS, this was so fucking wholesome. This is definitely one that I need to read again and fully read in order (she’s got part 3 on her AO3, I believe) but ugh. I love the idea of Steve dating in this century, comparing things to how things were done in the old days ufglasodfhsd. I love it. Amazing. 100% FLUFF (I think because well my dumbass hasn’t finished but this part was fluffy :3)

17. @wxstedhexrt‘s poems | Read Them Here! | Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes I don’t think Destiny ever gave me a summary of these but (and Destiny, please correct me if I’m wrong in how you want these to be portrayed!) I believe they’re poems written throughout the whole Steve and Bucky timeline. She’s used the Winter Soldier’s words and turned them into a gorgeous set of poems. 100% My favourite thing in the whole fucking world. 

18. The Lonely Tree by @sarahwroteathing​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You have a favorite tree which you make sure to pass every day on your way to class, but one day you find you’ll have to get used to sharing it with a friendly art student.” Holy shit guys this 15 part series was so amazing. It’s 100% PURE FLUFF and PINING and gorgeous. Holy shit. Like I screamed reading the whole goddamn thing. Amazing writing by an amazing human being with some awesome humour haha.

19. @sinner-as-saint​ responding to an anon request? Amazing. | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader Request: May I just spice up your day with the thought of best friend/roommate bucky being jealous when you bring someone home HOT. AS. FUCK. Holy shit. It’s such a short little list of things that Bucky would do but ugh. I was dying reading it. I love me some jealous Bucky smut. 100% angsty fluff? With smuttiness ;) 18+ readers please!!

20. @alloftheimaginesblog​ prompted fic | Steve Rogers x Reader (I could be wrong here but I believe the gender of the reader is never specified? But the ring is a woman’s ring so?? @alloftheimaginesblog​ pls correct me if you want!) Prompt: Finding an engagement ring in one of their drawers. So fucking fluffy I needed a cavity filled after ugh. I loved it so much it was just a gorgeous piece of writing. Steve is a little piece of poop for not hiding that ring better I mean come on, you’re telling me you couldn’t have punched a hole, put the ring there, and then cover it up with like a cabinet or something??? jk i still love you steeb. 100% fluff!

21. Laser Tag by @stargazingfangirl18​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You play laser tag with your boyfriend Steve and his best friend Bucky. Since you’re just a plain ole civilian, you gotta use what non-Avenger skills you have to avoid losing. Hint: those skills involve Steve and kissing.” Iconic. Everything. Wonderful. There is nothing I love more than Steve Rogers being a little sucker for making out with his girlfriend even when there’s a competition. 100% fluff!!!!

22. Under the Rainbow, Draga mea by @binkysteebnpewter​ | Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader I don’t think there’s an official summary ( @binkysteebnpewter​ pls correct me if I’m wrong) but my summary is this: GAYNESS <3 I love me some wlw content so when I saw this pop up on my dash, I couldn’t NOT read. It’s soooo good. This is a Social Media AU and the amount of meme usage in there I- it’s fucking wonderful. It’s still in progress though so you guys will have to pine after this relationship with me. I FUCKING LOVE IT. 100% GAY LOVE <3

23. A Fic in which Peggy Carter plays wingwoman because these two idiots are in love with each other but they can’t see it so our Queen needs to throw it at them by @1she1hulk1​ (please note I made this title by myself because I don’t think there was a title LOL @1she1hulk1​ lmk if you want me to change this xD) | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “the plot is bacially you and Steve go to see Peggy and she tells Steve to finally make his move” Peggy Carter is a fucking Queen and she knows that Steve is falling for you, because he just won’t stop fucking talking about you LOL. Anyways, this is a super cute fic!!!! Please go give it some love because this human being who wrote it doesn’t think she’s a good writer?????? Crazy. 100% FLUFF!!!!

OTHER FICS THAT DESERVE MENTIONING!!!!

So because this is my first recommendation list on this site, I know I’m definitely missing some amazing fics that I’ve read but never saved (I’m a terrible person I know). So I’m just gonna add them in this list here because they deserve love and attention too!

@wxstedhexrt​‘s poetry. Period. End of story lol. JK. So the ones that I’ve read that are on Destiny’s tumblr aren’t all fandom related (besides the one that I posted above) but they’re still really amazing. I’ve never felt so captured by poems before (mostly because i’m stupid and don’t understand a lot of poetry). Ugh anyways I love her poems so much so please go check them out! CLICK HERE FOR BEAUTY <3

Alright so I know a lot of you guys know @kayteewritessteve​ but if you don’t, she’s this super amazing writer with INCREDIBLE series. (CLICK HERE TO SEE HER FULL MASTERLIST). But one of my most favourite series by her, and one of my favourite series of all time, is: If Only You Knew “You arrive home one day to find a wedding invite for two of your best friends from high school. You knew this day was going to come eventually, but even with that said, you weren’t prepared to return home. At least not after 7 years of avoiding Buckhannon, West Virginia. Or rather, avoiding him; your ex-best friend and the secret love of your life. But maybe it was finally time to face your past, to face him and everything else that happened on that horrible night.”  This 18 (plus an Epilogue) part series will literally have you screaming at your screen being like WHY YALL CANT JUST TELL EACH OTHER HOW YALL FEEL?!?!?!?! 75% angst (because Kaytee likes to hurt us) and 25% fluff BUT the fluff is SOOOOO worth it so it’s like 100% angst and 200% fluff (i was never a mathlete). NOW since, we’re on the topic of Kaytee’s writing, I’d also like to mention: Love and War  “In a harsh medieval world, you set out on a perilous quest that will lead you onto a forbidden land. A land ruled and controlled by a ruthless Warlord King, one who does not look favourably upon trespassers of any kind, and punishes all with an iron fist. You may not know exactly where this quest will end, but what you do know is you will forever be altered by it. And that knowledge alone is what truly terrifies you the most.” so I read this while Kaytee was writing it about a year ago and holllyyyyyy shit. Okay. So. Listen. Fantasy? Check. Romance? Check. Amazing writing? Well it’s Kaytee so yea obviously check. I want to list more things but I don’t want to give it away! This is a 15 part series (plus an Epilogue and Outro) but it goes by so quickly once you’re stuck and waiting for more!!!! 

[staycatcher]

Cursed 001

Member: Kim Seungmin x Femme Reader (she/her) (Jisung is also in this, we love wingpeople)

Au: (Dorky/Pure) Frat Boy! Seungmin x Baddie! Reader + Unexpected Soulmate AU [in the same universe as Anguish, no need to read it though!]

Genre: Crack, Angst, Fluff? (she’s all over the place, partner🤠)

Rated 14? for too much swearing, kind-of-stranger danger, getting into mentioned kind-of-stranger’s car (don’t do what y/n did!!), suggestive themes & jokes, hangover & leftover tipsiness, cringe, promiscuous bisexual reader, nothing explicit though!! Also, Jisung is too much I’m sorry

Word Count: 4.1k

Notes: special thanks to @staytion-nine for being a bro and reading & critiquing my full shitty drafts and @strayneoculturekids & @hyunjinssmile for thinking my crack parts were good & somewhat funny way back when I wrote them ilyssssm🤗💞💛

ps, I hope you readers liked/found my easter eggs!!🥴

“Your heart began to sing, sing triumphantly as if you broke some sort of curse- Curse? Wait, hold up. Hold the fuck up. I think he’s my soulmate?! But I can’t possibly have one-”

Cursed series 1/?-  ~001~  😈🤓😳~

Growing up, not a single day passed without your single mother reminding you that meeting your soulmate wasn't going to happen for you. The odds were not at all in your favor, not her’s, not your grandmother’s and not even your great grandmother’s mom; being the youngest girl of the youngest in the family made you carry such a burden. The streak that your family had going on for generations was too strong to break at this point. It’d be a miracle and a half if you ever heard of your soulmate for a fraction of a second. You started to accept by the time you learned how to read, that a life with a soulmate was frankly not in the cards for you. 

To say you were completely and utterly blind-sighted when you met your soulmate, would be the understatement of the century. You lived your whole life with no fear or any expectations of long lasting relationships whether it’s with a soulmate or not. You lived the life you knew many people with soulmates or obsessions with commitment couldn’t live. You lived a life of freedom, focused on yourself. 

Now, it's been three months at this university; three months, and you already have a reputation that precedes you. Contrary to popular belief, you don't like the attention. Yet somehow the spotlight seems to follow you. Though, you would argue you weren’t as charismatic as you were careless. Your carelessness seemed to be your charm and charming you seemed to be.

A groan tore out from your throat when as stretched over to snatch your boots. Jelly legs hobbling all over the place as you scrambled to tug them on, stubbornly not zipping down the zipper which only made it harder for you in the long run. Once on, you trudge on forward, not giving a shit if things were inside out or not, all that mattered to you was going back to sleep in your own bed. You have to remain careful though. You don’t want to go too fast and have stomach acid erupt out of you in aggravation, ruining the Sorority’s carpet and your morning. So, you watched each and every wobbly step as you did your best to navigate your way out of the crowded, trashed halls of the post-party filth. Fortunately, it seemed you’ve risen before anyone else, no conscious creatures for you to deal with. 

The clock struck six o’clock as you strut down Greek row, your steps more firm now, waking you up more with each step. However, waking up meant more hangover symptoms, though you weren’t exactly sober. You made it about four more clumsy steps down the sidewalk before a car slows down next to you. This has happened to you more times than you can count, but never when the birds were fucking chirping. You huff out in irritation, walking faster, thus, less firm as you tried to remain calm. 

Who the hell pulls up to you when it’s fucking sunrise?! Unbelievable. 

You only make it two more steps before the right next to you. Even though you tell yourself not to, your head swivels to look at the driver on instinct. He looks vaguely familiar, you’ve seen those cheeks somewhere but his name is lost on you. You acknowledge him with a questioning look as he rolls down the window.

“Want a ride?” He offers like you’ve known him for ten years and your pets were best friends. You were expecting a catcall but his voice was full of awkward sincerity and a bit of reluctance that couldn’t be faked.     

“I thought chivalry was de-ad.” You choked, giving a nudge with your words to test his sincerity.

“I thought you liked girls more and don’t believe in it anyway.” He dished back. Okay, fair. This guy’s a real one. 

“Touché... Ohhh what the helll-” You huffed, “I’ll take it.” You vaguely recognize him and he seems to know you too so what can hurt; that’s at least how you look at it in the buzzed moment. 

His unimpressive car comes to a smooth stop, you hear the doors unlock and you sluggishly yanked the door open and groan as you slide in, kindly ignoring the mess because you’re not much better. 

 “Did you not party last ni’?” You blurted, looking over at him with a dry smile. As you do, you can really take him in. His dark, messy hair and his cute over-expressive face, topped with a pair of doughy cheeks. Despite the cuteness, there’s not a doubt in your mind this is some frat boy on the college team, though you’re not even sure what team is in season right now. One thing was for sure though, his guns were proudly out of a cut out muscle-t like a living, breathing fuckboy starter pack. Infuriatingly, he pulled it off, he looked too attractive for this time, on the weekend especially. With all that being said, he seriously looks like the kind of guy that should be as fucked up as you are right now. And yet, here he is, behind the wheel looking as sober as a slice of bread.

“Nah,” He starts, getting his foot off the brake and turning back into the road, “me and my soulmate stayed in ‘cuz coach is making practice earlier than usual.” 

Well, that train left the station. “Ahh, that-that's too bad.” You heard yourself pettily trail off. 

“Nah, ‘zall good. I think coach is taking it out on us ‘cuz his wife found out he’s doin’ drugs and gambling again-“

“Do ya have any friends like you?” You blurted out again. 

“Huh??” 

“Do ya got any friends that do things like this?” You grumbled, resisting the urge to facepalm at yourself. Fucking hell, Y/n.

“That go to practice this early? Yehh. The whole fucking basketball te-“ 

“No!” You hiss, head pulsing, his voice is too goddamn loud. “Gentlemen!” clarifying and sulkily leaned your head against the cool window. 

“Ohhh!!~” Then he belts out laughing like a blaring fire alarm, making your entire brain rattle.

“Shhhh!” As you turn to glare at him, you realize your turn was coming up. “Wait!! Turn here!!” 

He hissed and stepped harshly on the breaks. “This one?” 

“Yeah!!-“ it was already too late when you unnecessarily clarified, so he had to turn around and go turn in again. Thank god the streets were dead at this date and time. You’re sure he broke at least four traffic laws.

“Shit, man!! You can’t say that and then expect me to make the turn, I got too excited!!” He was beaming, far too excited for your dumb question and not at all concerned about his chaotic driving. 

“What the fuuck?!?! You’ got a soulmate-“

“No, dumbass!!” He whines like you just missed the best play in the whole game, too bad there aren’t instant replies for day to day conversations. “I have a bro who we’ve been trying to get laid.~” And now he makes the turn, good job buddy. 

“Okay, two stops from now you’re gonna turn left.” It is then that you realize the last part of what he just said. “Huh? Li-like frat bro?”

“Yeah, dude. He’s so pissy I don’t think his hand is doin’ it for him anymore.” The dude laughed at his own joke, elbowing you in the side. Normally you would have joined in and punched him but for some reason, your little fucked up heart started to warm up hearing about this cute frat boy.

“Ahhhh.” And then you laughed a little too late, his wingmanning ass didn’t notice.

“Yeah! And he says books are better than pussy so that’s how we know he’s becoming a lost cause. We’re placing our bets that he won’t get it on until he finds his soulmate.” 

“What a swee-eetheart.~” You hiccupped with dazed eyes and chapped smile. You had to admit, you were endeared. You never heard about a dorky, innocent fraternity boy before, and you never would have thought that it would appeal to you.

“Is it this one or the next one?” 

“This one. So whoo’z this friend of yours-“ Unfortunately you were caught off by a ringtone blasting at the fullest volume making your brain wail in pain, for the second fucking time this morning. 

He just snickers. “Sorry, gotta answer this… Yuh~?” You just huffed and closed your eyes, deflating a little bit. 

“Seungmin?!?”

For some unknown reason, that name made you jolt back up into your seat. ‘Seungmin’, why does that sound so familiar?! 

“Well, speak of the devil!!~” He got too excited and looked at you, and gives you an over-enthused wink. You’re assuming this is the frat bro. “Your car won’t start??~~” This dude, you still don’t quite remember the name of, was really playing this up. For possibly the same unknown reason, him talking to this dude has your full attention. Normally you’d eavesdrop half-heartedly but this time your whole heart started to beat a way it never has before, begging you to soak up as much of this half conversation as possible. 

“Of course I’ll drive my wittle brother!!~... -fuck off a few days totally does count!!- Whatever!! Anyway, fair warning, I became a fucking uber this morning, I’m driving this girl too so prepare yourself!!... Shhh, it’s not a joke! And she’s really hot; make sure your heart and dick are ready.” 

You were about to beat this dude before you vaguely heard the muffled voice on the other line chew him out for you. You couldn’t hold in your smile before you realized; even though you were abnormally giddy, now is not the goddamn time to meet this kid. You looked like you were run over by three different military-grade vehicles and you’re more than sure you had lipstick marks from last night smeared in various places all over you. But most importantly, you were in a limbo of drunk and hungover. You needed way more rest and sustenance before you should interact with anyone of importance. You opened your mouth to scream at him but you were cut off yet again. 

“...Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I’ll turn around now, just for you.~ I’m pretty sure we’re close to her dorm but who cares how late I’m gonna be for practice! I’m making shit happen! See ya in a sec, muah!” If you weren’t high key starting to panic, you would’ve laughed at this dude’s unending ridiculousness. There is no way in hell you’re gonna meet this familiar stranger‘s friend that he’s setting you up with at six fucking a.m. in a frankly disgusting state.

“Do not turn around or I swear to fucking Rupaul-“

“No can do, bro. Besides, you seemed interested in him so why not!?! Be grateful! I’m gonna have to run double the fuckin laps cuz a’ this.”

‘“Why not’?!! I just got outta’ a stranger’s bed and I’m still drunk and somehow hungover too and my dorm is just around the corner-“

“Listen; bros before hoes. Frat legacy.” And with that, he chuckled as he turned the car around for the second time today. You take back the gentleman comment you gave him earlier, he’s a pile shit. 

“I’m gonna fucking jump out of the car-“ you groaned with a bluff, tugging at your smeared face and he smugly locked the doors before you could finish. “Cmonnn!~ It’s too fucking early for this shit, man! Why didn’t I just keep walking or just stayed-“

“I'm doing you a favor!~”

“Dropping me off when and where I asked you to is doing me a favor! That’s literally why I’m in your messy ass car that smells like rancid fuckin’ cheesecake in the first place!!”

“Hey, now you’re just being mean!”

You groaned and glared out the window, opting to ignore him now. This argument had you sobering up. This just really wasn’t it. You resisted the urge to pull down the mirror and see how bad you really looked but, you would rather not know how bad it is. Knowing your past morning afters, you’ve looked a hell of a lot cuter every other time. 

It seems like you’re just gonna have to grin and bear it and let this one go. There’s plenty of bitches in the sea. Bitches that never made you heart skipped like this before- and without you even meeting them-

All you could think about how embarrassing and fucked up this whole thing he’s pulling is as you glare at the passing sidewalks and cars parked at the side of the roads. You wish the passing textured and crumbly neighborhood sidewalks could swallow you up. It’s not often that you felt so burdened at an awaiting social encounter these days. You hated this.

“And we’re here!!” He stops and proudly puts the car into park. “Okay, Siri, call ‘Noodle Bitchass’.” 

The fuck-

-“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that. Would you like me to search the web for ‘Nude space app’?”-

“Ughhhhh. Fuck you!! I said, ‘Call~ Nooo-DiLL BiiiiTCh AAAssss’~~!!!”

 -“Okay. Calling Noodle Bitchass nerd emoji, middle finger emoji in medium tan’.”- You were about to cry in shocked laughter but the guy answered too soon so you had to snort into your hand and curl in on yourself. 

“Yah!! Han Jisung!!” Holy mother almighty, his voice is pure sunshine and honey. Your body slowly uncurled back up on its own. Fuck, okay it’s on speaker. Shit, I can’t even breathe, can’t make a sound.

“We’re here, man.” 

“Hhhhh… she’s not still with you is she?” Is it possible to be attracted to a voice? I think I’m attracted to a voice. 

“Hell yeah, she is! Suck it up, bro. You’re already making me late and she’s fine~!!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jisung-“ Oh, good lord. Him swearing really just--

“Get in or I’ll leave you here and set her up with Innie instead.” You just heard the guy sigh and the sound of a facepalm, you’re guessing, before the line went dead. And finally. You could finally howl with laughter, or perhaps it was more like manic screaming in infatuation.  

You have never, in all your years of living felt like this because of a person. Is this what it feels like to be whipped? Fuck, fuck, fuck- It’s like I’m at a concert- but not really and-

You were still in the thick of it when a door ripped open. When you reflexively looked over, all the air that was left in your lungs pathetically wheezed out of you like a sad balloon. 

Then the sensations all hit you.

Wow, okay the drunkenness and hangover is gone? I feel good? I feel alive, I feel the cool late autumn air? I feel feelings; feelings I’ve never felt before? You were light as a mother fuckin’ feather and astounded as all burning hell. You were openly experiencing so many intense emotions, something that hasn’t happened in so many years. 

At that moment your mouth and his gawk right open at the exact same time, not that the two of you noticed. Without any volition, your eyes immediately drown in the other. Okay, he’s actual artwork? He was dressed so cute like he was ready to take some cute aesthetic photos for a dumb little blog. Oh god, he smells like a cup of tea in the forest after it rained?! That’s so specific- but. He smells so lovely. 

His hair was pure angelic fluff and his skin was a light, silky caramel. You watched before your tired, dry eyes, the caramel in his cheeks rise into the purest shade of pink and his eyes widening into adorable little saucers. When they met yours, they were sparklier than any ring on any finger; you swear to god herself, you felt electricity crackle in your veins like wood to the fire.  Your eyes couldn’t pull away, you felt like a giddy little kid again. Whirling with excitement and curiosity as you looked at him all bundled up for the late fall weather. Your heart began to sing, sing triumphantly as if you broke some sort of curse- 

Curse?

Wait, hold up. 

Hold the fuck up. 

I think he’s my soulmate?! But I can’t possibly have one-

That’s when your entire body began to heat up in question. None of this made sense to you. 

How is this possible? How is this fucking possible?! The only thing your brain seems to produce in reaction is unending, spiraling questions. For each and every one of them, whether rhetorical or not, you didn’t have a sensical explanation or possible answer. This didn’t make any sense, it went against everything you ever knew to be true. 

You couldn’t have a soulmate, your maternal lineage fucked that up for you, it was what you were born into without a choice. A perpetual heartbreak, something that started out as merely coincidental to grow into a family burden that carried on precariously. How can it be that for generations, the youngest daughter in the family never got to meet their soulmate until now, until you? You were on the brink of a fucking existential crisis. 

Seungmin seemed shocked as well, though leagues and leagues below the ballgame you’re dealing with right now. He looked shocked; appearing delightfully surprised. Shocked as if he wasn’t expecting to be surprised with a present on a random and unimportant Wednesday, not shocked as if he just broke a generations-long family streak. 

Before you can continue these heavy ass thoughts, Jisung blasts out an interruption yet again.

“I CAN’T FUCKIN’ BELIEVE THIS!! I THOUGHT I WAS JUST HOOKING UP MY BOY AT ASS CRACK IN THE MORNING!! BUT NO!! I FUCKIN’ FOUND HIM HIS SOULMATE!! AND IT’S Y/N OUTTA ALL PEOPLE!! Y/N?!? SEUNGMIN?!? THE UNIVERSE REALLY PAIRED THESE PEOPLE TOGETHER?!? OUT OF-” 

“Jisung, shut the fuck up.” To your surprise, it was Seungmin who interrupts ‘Jisung’ and not you, as he gets the rest of the way into the messy car. His put-together ass looks completely out of place in this shitty car, it made you try to hold in a smile as closes the door with barely restrained enthusiasm. 

Before he turns back, you force yourself to face forward and try to calm the hell down and calmly reassess the situation. 

Alright... You met your not plausible-soulmate, out of all places in time and space, in the car of a kinda-stranger who offered you a ride home in the early-ass morning after getting laid at a sorority party. 

Okay. Great. This is great.

You cleared your throat and tried to remain cool. “O-okay, awesome. Where ar-are we heading to first?” Okay, that wasn’t entirely cool but maybe you can blame it on literally everything else wrong with you in this situation. 

“I don’t know, man. I deadass wanna just skip practice altogether and-” Jisung was interrupted by the sound of a camera’s shutter. You instinctively whip your head around towards the sound, only to be met with Seungmin camera-handed. He has the fucking nerve to take two more in the time it took for you to whip around. 

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?” Your voice ripped out of you, croaking out like an enraged toad. He then takes the final picture as you’re screeching at him. This just kept getting richer and richer. First, Jisung’s bullshit, then life-altering realizations that you broke some sort of generations long streak of not having a soulmate, and now your seemingly miraculous soulmate taking unexpected, embarrassing photographs of you in the worst state you’ve ever been in?

“Taking your picture.” He grinned with a shrug, no guilt or shame to be seen nor heard. You could not hold in squawks of disbelief. His pride and excitement seemed to only grow at your bewilderment, he had the nerve to do a precious ‘hehehe’, the kind that little kids do after they steal a cookie from the jar. 

“Give me that!” You sneer as you go to savagely rip it right out of his perfect hands. However, the two of you seemed to be matched in more ways than one; neither of you would budge, equally as strong as the other. 

“No way! You’ll delete them!!” 

“Yeah, exactly!! ‘No way in hell will I let you keep pictures of me like this!” 

“‘No fuckin’ way will I let you delete them!”

You gritted your teeth. “Then let me take pictures of you!!!” And then you can sneakily delete-

“Yeah and then you’ll delete yours.” How the fuck did he know-

“Seungmin, just give her the goddamn camera so I can drive and drop your hormonal asses off before coach murders me.” 

There was a raging fire in Seungmin’s eyes as he slowly and painfully let go of his forsaken camera so you could tentatively take it. Upon retrieving the camera your fingers accidentally grab unto Seungmin’s. Resulting in a little static shock zap, startling you and heating up your cheeks immediately with a jerk and a hiss. Seungmin reacted similarly, blinking like pink dust blew into his eyes to land on his cheeks. Your hand yanks it back towards you before you even realize it. Jisung was far too excited to watch this drama unfold right before his wide eyes. 

 If this was a normal day for you you’d jump to delete those humiliating pictures of yourself immediately, looking nothing short of the cheshire cat. But this was evidently not a normal day in any sense of the word, so, what you did was unlike you. You huffed out a breath to encourage yourself before slowly raising the camera to your dominant eye and focused the lense as best you could. 

At least I can photograph how irritatingly handsome he looks at this hour. 

You took the first picture, zooming in on his now grouchy, but still stupidly handsome face. Then you zoom out as far as possible, hoping to take in this entire scene in front of you, his angry posture in an adorably preppy outfit, this messy, disgusting car and how out of place he looks in it.

“Only two more.” Seungmin huffs with an eyeroll and by some divine power (perhaps the same divine power that made this odd miracle happen in the first place), you clicked fast enough to get some of that petty behavior visually documented. You pressed down twice, sadly that was your limit you agreed upon.

You didn’t even look at the pictures you took nor the ones Seungmin took so that you wouldn’t be tempted to delete them. It felt like you were committing a saintly act; as if simply taking his picture like you said you would, without deleting anything made you pure and free of sin. Perhaps this twisted reality of somehow defeating the ancestral odds had you feeling undeservingly self-righteous.

“You better not delete yours either.” You sneered once more, before jabbing the camera back into his sweatered chest. This time you were determined not to turn around again, you couldn’t risk him taking any more pictures. You also aren’t entirely sure you could handle seeing his stupid perfect face once more. This was an outrage and this was your way of protest. Also, an unspoken miracle, but enough of that.

You swiveled your head away from Jisung and Seungmin, fully leaning into the cool window and began to count the street lights and stop signs. As the grueling seconds ticked by the more concentrated you tried to be. Soon enough the concentration turned sleepy and before you knew it, you were knocked out. All your adrenaline fueled energy depleted.

All through your protest-turned-snooze, Seungmin couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off of you. He couldn’t help but find it endearing how you could be an absolute riot only to pass out three minutes later. It hurt how cute he found you, no matter how scandalous you seem to be. You seemed so genuinely shocked, it made him want to cry. And he’s also fairly certain that this isn’t new to you, you not only partied all night and regularly. And judging from the markings on your skin, you might’ve done a little bit more than party last night. In fact, it might’ve even enticed him, might’ve gotten him a little hot under the collar. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say that he already whipped and he hasn’t even caught your name.

[ravenforce]

Ithaca Pt. 3

Word Count: 4126

Warning/s: None

A/N: Hey loves, sorry it took a while. Writing Natasha comes easy to me. The truth is I finished the first draft of this, weeks ago but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me. I searched for it for weeks but ultimately decided to trash the whole thing and start again. I didn’t mean it to come to 4k words but apparently, it’s fun writing Carol too.

This is the last POV I’m writing for Ithaca. Next chapter we go back to you, dear Reader. I hope you like this, please let me know what you think of it. xx

PS. If there are any grammatical mistakes I’ve still overlooked, I apologize.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 4 | 5

***

5:00 AM

Carol woke up to the continuous vibration of her phone under her pillow. She let out a quiet groan before reaching under and hitting the snooze button. She knew, even with her sleep-addled brain, that going back to sleep is futile. So, slowly, Carol rolled on her back and opened her eyes to see the glow in the dark stars she and Natasha put up in her ceiling when they were ten. Carol has always been an early riser too, even before she moved to Ithaca.

Carol’s parents are both pilots for the air force. They used to live in the base, and sleeping to the sounds of fighter jets warming up or speeding on a nearby runway made Carol a light sleeper. She tried a handful of times to sleep through all the ruckus but failed. So instead of wasting her time trying to get some more sleep, Carol learned how to used the early start to her advantage. Either she would be found training basic self-defense with her mom at the gym, or she’s out flying with her dad in morning flying drills.

When both her parents died on a mission, Carol was to be put into a foster home before the Danvers’ came and adopted her. Eliza and Jeremiah Danvers both used to work at the base and are close friends with her parents. When they found out Carol’s an orphan, they both decided to come back and talk to Carol if she would like to live with them instead. Carol agreed reluctantly but she found the prospect of being with Eliza and Jeremiah better than being with complete strangers. She was hesitant though because the Danvers already have two children, Alex and Kara.

Carol dreaded moving to Ithaca because she never knew how to interact with other children and suddenly she would be living with not just one but two adolescents. Fortunately for her, Alex and Kara are amazing sisters. Kara’s clumsy, funny, and sweet while Alex is a bit reserved but fiercely loyal and protective of her and Kara. And even though, Kara and Alex both work and live in National City now, she’s still very close to both of them. Carol didn’t think she’d ever recover with the death of her parents but Ithaca gave her not just the Danvers’ but also the Avengers.

Carol smiled at the fake stars on her ceiling as she remembers the first time she met them.

In a small town like Ithaca, everyone seems to know everyone. As the only new face in school, Carol was an easy target for bullies. On her first day in school, an older boy named Yonn shoved Carol off causing her to fall to the side. Thankfully, someone caught her. Carol looked up and saw a petite girl with red hair and the greenest eyes she’s ever laid eyes on, frowning at the boy who shoved her. 

“Apologize to her Yonn,” the redhead said calmly as Carol tries to straighten her school uniform. 

“And why would I do that? She’s in my way, Natasha,” Yonn answered smugly. 

Carol watched silently as the two stared down one another. She focuses more on the girl named Natasha because even though she’s clearly smaller than the boy, she doesn’t seem afraid. 

“Apologize. Now,” Natasha repeated seriously. Her melodic voice clearly held a degree of authority that Yonn and everyone in the vicinity can recognize. 

Yonn sneered before apologizing through his teeth. 

“What was that? Say it again,” Natasha said smiling. Carol, in an instant, was captivated. 

Yonn sneered again before taking a menacing step forward and towards Natasha but a group of young boys stepped between the two. 

“Is there a problem here?” A boy with clean-cut hair and boy-next-door face asked, seizing up Yonn. 

“Natasha?” A handsome boy with long blonde hair asked. 

“Yonn’s just apologizing for shoving my friend, Thor,” Natasha answered without hesitation.

Carol’s heart fluttered wildly in her chest. The boys looked at Carol for a second before turning towards Yonn again.

“Shove her again, and you’ll find yourself kissing the ground she’s standing on,” Thor said seriously.

Carol watched in awe at how these kids can be so intimidating at eight years old.

“I think you broke him, guys. Yonn, nod if you agree,” a boy holding some sort of tech on his hand says before Yonn deftly nodded his head. 

“Now, scram,” a boy with long black hair said, which prompted Yonn out of his trance and power walked to the opposite side of the building. 

When Yonn was out of sight, the hallway seems to have released a collective breath that they’re holding. The girl named Natasha adjusted her school bag before turning towards Carol. Toe-to-toe with Natasha, Carol realized how tiny she is. Carol couldn’t help the small smile on her face. Carol tried not to squirm at how Natasha was looking at her. 

“You appear to be physically fine,” Natasha assessed. “But are you alright?”

“You broke my fall. Thank you, by the way,” Carol said sincerely. Sure, she could take Yonn by herself but Natasha coming to her rescue is still very much appreciated.

“You’re welcome. I’m Natasha,” Natasha introduced herself before extending her hand. Carol didn’t hesitate when she reached out and shook it. Natasha smiled at her again.

“I’m Carol, Carol Danvers.” Then someone coughed behind them, Natasha rolled her eyes. 

“And these are my friends. This is Steve, Thor, Thor’s brother Loki, Clint, and Tony,” Natasha introduced everyone. Carol thanked all of them for stepping up for her. 

“It’s nothing, Yonn is annoying,” Tony said after closing the tech on his hand. 

“And I believe it’s high time, Natasha gets a girl friend,” Loki said, voice teasing. 

Carol understood that Loki meant a female friend but Loki’s teasing got the better of her and she started blushing. Natasha saw this and smirked at her before linking their arms together and tugging Carol to the direction of the cafeteria. 

“Welcome to the Avengers,” Natasha whispered.

Carol blinked back to the present when she saw the light on Natasha’s bedroom flickered from across the street. Today’s the day, Natasha will giving the transfer student the grounds tour. In true Natasha fashion, she’s up even before the sun could come up to make sure she never misses ballet practice. Even though, they’re not extremely close anymore due to conflict of school schedules, and people constantly being adopted to their group, Carol would be caught dead before she let Natasha roam the streets at such an early hour alone. Ironic though because Natasha’s a founding family child, which means she knows the town like the back of her own hand and no one in their right mind would so much as think of touching a hair on her head.

6:00 AM

Carol watched as Mrs. Miller made polite small talk with Natasha before waving her inside the studio. Mrs. Miller then turned to look directly at the huge plant box she knew Carol was hiding behind. Carol stepped out of the shadow before walking towards the guard post. 

“Good morning, Carol,” Mrs. Miller greeted quietly as not to alert Natasha of the blonde’s presence outside. 

“Good morning, ma’am,” Carol whispered back before pulling out a thermos of hot coffee she brewed at home. 

Mrs. Miller has been stationed guard at the studio for almost two decades, and she’s been holding on to Carol’s secret for just as long now. Carol’s popularity is hugely based on her very charming personality but a part of it was from her reputation as a philanderer. As a serial heart breaker, Carol’s not known to be soft, romantic, and never one to get attached to anyone. She’s the hot soccer team captain who gets any girl she likes, and bolt comes the early morning light. No one has ever known Carol to stay the night but Mrs. Miller - basically a stranger - knows something no one does.

“If you’ve only been as tenacious as you have as protecting her,” Mrs. Miller started but Carol cut her off with a soft sigh. 

“There’s no point,” Carol said dejectedly before the clock tower interrupted her.

“Thank you for the coffee, Carol,” Mrs. Miller said sincerely. She knew it’s time for Carol to go. 

“Thank you for looking after us,” Carol answered as solemnly before shouldering her backpack and walking towards the soccer field.

***

Popularity can be blinding, Carol and Natasha thought so a long time ago. So to both stay grounded they both train at their respective choice of activity every other morning, with one as a lookout for the other. Clearly, they both carried on with the tradition but separately. They did it for ten years, and then they don’t. Somewhere between then and now, Carol and Natasha fell off the cracks.

Sure, they still belong to the same group, eats at the same table, hang out at the same places but they both know they lost each other in a more meaningful way. Carol arrived at the field but suddenly she wasn’t in the mood to kick some balls. So, instead, she dropped her bag on the grass and used it as a pillow. The sky is still dark, the sounds of crickets and cicadas are still there if she focuses long enough. Something about Mrs. Miller’s words put Carol in a somber mood.

In the silence of the early morning, Carol closed her eyes and released everything she’s been holding to in a sigh. “I miss you,” she whispered like a prayer to the universe. Without hope or anything that it would be heard by the person, she wanted to say it to. When she opened her eyes, the sky has turned a beautiful shade of light blue.

“Burning the morning oil, Captain,” Valkyrie’s confident voice floated from above her head. Just like that Carol's time is over, just like that Carol’s mask is up again. She sat up, composed herself before turning towards her friend and smiled.

“Good morning to you too, Val,” Carol teased before hauling herself to her feet.

“Crew’s at the Applebee’s for breakfast. Walk with me? Since you’re clearly not practicing anyway.”

Carol let out an adulterated laugh, and Valkyrie, try as she might, she couldn’t help the blush that dusted her perfectly brown skin after hearing that melodic laugh and knowing that she caused it. Of course, Carol noticed but even though she knows that the other woman is attracted to her, Carol had resolved never to engage except for very light flirting. She couldn’t really handle one more complicated friendship, after all.

7:00 AM

Applebee’s was buzzing with the morning rush but when Val and Carol stepped inside the establishment, they can immediately pinpoint the location of their friends by the sheer commanding voice of Thor booming around the restaurant.

“Must you boys be so loud?” Carol teased before flopping down between Maria and Loki.

“Oh, Carol. We’re just relishing a morning without Natasha’s grumpy ass,” Steve answered teasing. Carol frowned, clearly not appreciating the joke.

Maria, ever the intuitive one, looked up from her textbook to look at Carol and offer her an assuring smile, which helped diffuse Carol’s rising foul mood.

“I’ll make sure Nat knows you called her a grumpy ass, Steve,” Wanda mock threatened the jock before joining the table.

Steve gasped before the table erupted in laughter. Every Avenger is popular and badass by their own merit but no one, absolutely no one would ever dare go against or speak ill of Natasha. She’s a force of nature on her own, everyone else is just glitter; at least that’s how Carol thinks so.

Carol tore a piece of bread and threw it on Steve’s face, which earned more giggles. “Oh! You’ll be in trouble, Steven,” Carol teased and grinned before taking a bite off her bagel sandwich.

Steve stuck his tongue out like a child. “Speaking of which, where’s Natasha, anyway?” he asked trying to diffuse the situation off.

“I believe she’s off giving Maria and Tony’s friend, the transfer student, the ground tours,” Thor answered before leaning back on his chair and sipping his tall glass of orange juice.

“Oh!” Steve exclaimed. “That’s today? I can’t wait to meet the girl who bested the Tony Stark on his own company.”

“Haha. Very funny, Steven,” Tony quipped sarcastically without looking up from the tech he’s been fixing all morning.

“I heard she’s pretty,” Loki said, clearly intrigued by the newcomer who he knows will be added in the mix if her reputation as beautiful and genius precedes her.

Wanda hurriedly chewed down her pancakes before clapping her hands in excitement. “She is! I was able to persuade Maria to show me a picture, and man, she’s stunning.”

Carol watched her friends interact quietly and wonder how this new girl would par in terms of getting along and fitting in their own crazy little group. Will she fall with the silent types along with Natasha, Clint, Loki, and Maria? Or would she fit better with the extroverts like Steve, Thor, and Valkyrie?

“I’m excited to meet her. Mar, please tell me you invited her to lunch?” Thor asked excitedly.

Maria only smiled and shrugged before going back to her assigned reading.

“What’s the fuss? No one can be that perfect,” Valkyrie said matter-of-factly, which halted the conversation in the table almost immediately.

Carol quickly glanced at Maria. If Valkyrie was baiting for a fight early in the morning, she’s surely not getting it because getting a rise out of Maria is like getting Natasha to be responsive.

“The first mistake you can make before meeting Y/N is to think that she’s perfect. She’s not; she’s scarred and flawed but she’s special,” Tony said seriously before Maria can say anything else.

Carol cleared her throat to diffuse the tension in the air. “You’re right, T. We shouldn’t put the girl on a box.” Carol started seriously before breaking into a grin. “Besides, we all know, only Tasha’s that perfect.”

Carol looked smug. Steve nodded, Tony just shrugged, Wanda giggled, Valkyrie rolled her eyes while the Odinson brothers just smiled. And just like that, the bad air is gone.

8:30 AM

In the end, Natasha didn’t show up for breakfast, which was odd because everyone knows that she hates doing Clint’s job and giving grounds tour. Only Carol and Maria has a 9 AM class, so Carol drove them back to school in her motorcycle. Carol intentionally slowed her movement the moment Maria hopped off her bike and handed her the extra helmet Carol lent her.

“You know you’re gonna be late for class again, right?” Maria said after fixing her braided hair.

Carol smiled before locking her bike up. “I know but can you blame me? Bruce’s class is capital b-o-r-i-n-g,” Carol defended.

Maria shook her head and smiled. “Sure but I know what you’re doing,” Maria said before walking towards the school.

Carol squinted before jogging up to catch up to Maria.

“You should stop trying to get a rise out of Nat. It’s not helping your cause,” Maria said smiling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Carol denied but Maria knows from the smile on her face that Carol knows exactly what she’s talking about.

Maria was thirteen when she moved to Ithaca and joined the Avengers. She wasn’t privy to their childhood and Maria wasn’t one to gossip but she knows that Carol was Natasha’s best friend since they were eight. Along the way, the two went on a rough patch that they seem to be still recovering from. It doesn’t help that Carol likes teasing and deliberately doing the things she knows Natasha would hate.

The two engaged in small talk until they arrived at Maria’s classroom. “See you later, Danvers,” Maria said before putting her hand for a high-five. Carol immediately indulged her.

***

Carol grimaced at the watch as she reads the time. She still hasn’t seen Natasha since she left her at the studio but she didn’t want to give the other the satisfaction by texting to know where the hell she is.

‘Tasha’s a grown woman,’ Carol thought to herself before looking up and seeing Minerva a few feet away. 

Carol looked at her reflection on the glass adjacent to her before flashing an all too big, all too fake smile. She walked the small distance between her and Minerva, who is talking to a boy Carol doesn’t know. 

“Hey,” Carol greeted from behind Minerva.

“Danvers,” Minerva answered without facing her. The boy looked between the two before quickly excusing himself.

Minerva turned on the spot to look at Carol. “Aren’t you late for class?”

“Yes. So, why bother? Besides, don’t you miss me?” Carol asked batting her long eyelashes and pouting. 

Minerva looked at her from head to toe before smirking. “It’s too early for a booty call, Danvers.”

Carol let out an unadulterated laugh. “Fair enough but how about later after school?” Carol asked, stepping inside Minerva’s personal space. In one stride, Carol has closed the gap between them and has the other woman pressed against her toned body and the locker behind her. 

“Danvers!” A voice Carol would know anywhere growled a few feet away. 

Carol groaned in fake exasperation but internally she’s smiling from ear to ear. “Tasha,” she said sweetly without stepping away from Minerva. Natasha, as expected, didn’t smile back. She only grimaced and glared until Minerva pushed Carol away.

“This again?” Minerva murmured as she rounded Carol to get to her classroom but the blonde girl couldn’t hear or see anything else. She’s laser-focused on Natasha and Natasha alone. 

“You’re ten minutes late already,” Nat started when she’s alone in the hallway with Carol. “And your class is on the other side of the campus.”

Carol ignored the fact that Natasha still knows her schedule. She walked towards the redhead until she’s toe to toe with Natasha. Natasha didn’t step back, she’s used to Carol always invading her personal space. 

“I got that class in the bag, Tasha. Relax,” Carol whispered before leaning in, kissing Natasha close to her mouth, and running away. 

***

Carol’s grinning from ear to ear as she floats all the way to the other side of the campus. She’s still thinking of how Natasha’s face has turned a good shade of tomato just before Carol sprinted away. Carol’s pretty sure it’s a combination of a blush and Natasha’s rising anger. She couldn’t help but chuckle to herself, just as she enters Bruce’s classroom. Bruce stops mid-discussion after Carol not so silently barged into class.

“Ah! Miss Danvers, glad you’re able to join us today,” Bruce said. “And only twenty minutes late.”

Carol was ripped from her high as everyone’s laughter reached her ears.

She refused to be made to feel bad about a decision she deliberately made. So, she joined in the laughter before looking at her teacher.

“Sorry, Mr. Banner but it’s the meet season,” Carol half-lied before quickly scanning the room for an empty seat. Her eyes landed on the empty seat next to the only face she doesn’t know in class. Carol was completely caught off-guard. They just talked about how Maria’s friend, the transfer student’s pretty but Carol thought as she stood there that ‘pretty’ is an understatement.

“Get it together, Danvers and sit already,” Bruce sighed. Carol blinked back to reality before smiling at Bruce and sprinting up the stairs to her seat.

“Hi, I’m Carol. Carol Danvers,” she introduced herself with a genuine smile.

“Hi, Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N,” she whispered, eyes still trained upfront.

Carol docked her head to hide the smile on her face as she finds Y/N pretending to be listening to Bruce really adorable.

“Nice to meet you,” Carol tried to whisper back

Y/N threw her a side glance to acknowledge her but quickly turned back to the lesson. Or at least, try because Carol was adamant about talking to her. The moment their eyes met, Carol decided she wants to get to know her outside of Maria and Tony’s stories.

“Maria can’t stop talking about you,” Carol tried to get Y/N’s attention again.

This time, it worked. “You know Maria?” Y/N asked quietly.

Carol smiled but before she could utter another word, Bruce shut the book on his hand loudly. Y/N turned her eyes and body forward as fast as she could, Carol didn’t take her eyes off the girl.

“Care to include us in your discussion, girls?” Bruce said all the way down from the podium.

Carol smiled as she watches Y/N try to shrink herself on her seat to avoid Bruce's wrath. Carol on the other hand just kept smiling like an idiot.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Banner but I just couldn’t believe I’m sitting next to a MENSA student,” Carol said.

The room was filled with the murmur of approval.

“Why do you sound so impressed Carol?”

“Yeah, you’re friends with Tony Stark. Isn’t he a MENSA student too?”

A few kids in the class asked aloud but Carol ignored them. Carol finally turned her head to look at Bruce. He didn’t look impressed, his mouth is set on a thin line. Carol held the laugh that tried to escape her. The face Bruce makes every time he gets angry rarely gets the class in line. Natasha’s daily poker face gets better results on striking fear in the heart of people than Bruce at his most angry. 

“I know that she’s Mensa, Carol that’s why I left that seat for you. So you can, maybe draw some inspiration and put an effort into this class,” Bruce deadpanned, which only made the classroom roar again with laughter.

“Well,” she started before blatantly checking Y/N out. “I can already feel the inspiration coming.”

The laughter was instantly replaced by groaning. Bruce literally facepalmed himself while Y/N blushed profusely on her seat and avoiding eye contact.

See, Carol is known to be a notorious flirt but at that moment, she wasn’t trying to bait Y/N. She meant it as a genuine compliment.

[lostinshawnsmemory]

Figure You Out: Chapter 2 - Shawn x African OC

A/N: First of all I wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who liked the first chapter. I got so many nice comments and great feedback, it made me emotional. I love these characters and I’m happy that you do too. Thank you to @vnv21 and @rulerofnocountry for reading my drafts

PS: There isn’t a specific song attached to this chapter but I’ve created a playlist that I’ll link at the bottom of each chapter, rather than linking each song.

Word Count: 4.0k

Warnings: None

MASTERLIST

Series Masterlist

Fic Playlist

SHAWN’S POV 

Did he stalk her Instagram? Yes, yes he did. ‘Everyone does it though’ he thought to himself as he picked up his phone for the umpteenth time. 

He wanted to know more about her, but her Instagram didn’t give much away. From what he could tell, she loved photography, music, food, and travel and her friends claimed she was hilarious, but there was nothing there to tell you what kind of person she was. As ridiculous as it sounded, he wanted to get to know her. ‘You’re never going to get to know her if you don’t talk to her.’

He met new people all the time and could tell when there was more to them than meets the eye and this was definitely one of those cases. They hadn’t spoken for long but there was something about her. She had a lot more going on below the surface. 

He tapped the arrow icon in the top right corner of his screen, then tapped on the new message icon and searched for her name. Before he could lose his courage he typed out a simple message. 

*Hi T. I hope you got home safe.*

Then he deleted it before he pressed send. Something about messaging her like that felt off. ‘She’d think it’s weird considering we just met.’ 

It had to be something worth starting a conversation over. He ran his hands through his hair. ‘You’re overthinking it, Shawn. Just let it occur naturally.’ With that, he locked his phone and put it on the table. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As she was getting ready the next day Tolani recalled what happened the night before. She was lucky she didn’t have a hangover when she woke up considering the fact she drank a lot more than she meant to. ‘You need to be more careful’ she scolded herself. Her thoughts soon turned to Shawn Mendes. Her friends had grilled her to no end on the ride back to their dorm. “I can't believe you were flirting with Shawn Mendes!” Nicole screamed. Tolani looked in the rear view mirror and gave the driver an apologetic smile, which he returned. 

“I wasn't flirting with him.” 

“Yeah right” Desire scoffed with an eye roll. “The two of you were deep in conversation and giggling for at least 45 minutes. Definitely looked like flirting from where I was standing.”

“Did you at least get his phone number?” Nicole was almost vibrating with excitement. “This is literally like something out of a fanfic!” She placed her hands in her heart and squealed.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but this isn’t fanfiction and no, I didn't get his phone number.” She conveniently left out the part where she had given him her Instagram. ‘It’s not like it's going to go anywhere.’ She thought.

“How could you do this to me?” Nicole wailed. “You're supposed to be my friend.”

“No seriously. You fumbled the bag on this one cause he was seriously into you, I could tell.” Desire added. 

Tolani gave a non-committal grunt and spent the rest of the car ride with her head leaning on the window, deep in thought. ‘So what that he has my Instagram? Nothing is going to happen.’ 

The sound of her phone brought her back to the present. It was a reminder that she was taking a tour of the campus and registering for classes today. She also had a text from her mum wishing her good luck and asking her to call when she had time. ‘I’ve got to remember to do that.’

It was only then she noticed the notifications and stared at her phone in shock. Shawn Mendes had followed her on Instagram. What she didn’t expect were the hundreds of comments on her photos asking who she was and why Shawn followed her. ‘I did not see that coming. Even though I probably should’ve.’ No messages from him though. For a split second Tolani felt a stab of disappointment. She had gotten her hopes up based on what everyone around her was saying. ‘Tolani you need to get over it. Nothing is going to happen.’  She looked down at her phone again, the sheer amount of messages and comments made her uneasy. ‘I can’t deal with this right now.’ She stuffed her phone in her pocket, picked up her bag and walked out of the door. 

The campus tour was exactly what she needed to get her mind off things. York University was huge, much bigger than she thought and it was going to take weeks to get her bearings. It also didn’t help that all her classes were on the other side of campus. ‘Guaranteed I’m going to get lost more than once.’  she thought. 

Meeting her personal tutor while registering for classes wasn’t as nerve-wracking as she thought. He was an older man who asked her questions about how she was adjusting to living in Canada and gave her advice about starting university and living in a new environment. After their conversation, she felt a lot more at ease about this new chapter in her life.

On her way back to her dorm she couldn’t help but take a photo of the library and put it on her Instagram story captioning it ‘Home for the next 4 years.’ With a smile, she has put in her earphones and walked back to her dorm. 

While she was walking, Tolani felt a tap on her shoulder. She flinched and whirled round in surprise to see Kyle standing in front of her with a lopsided grin. “I’m sorry I scared you.” He said with an apologetic look on his face. “It’s just that I called you a few times and you didn’t answer.” 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you.” She pointed to her earphones that were still in her ears. 

“What are you up to?” 

“Oh, just taking a campus tour, need to make sure I can find my way around.” She gestured around her. 

“I can give you a tour if you don’t mind?” 

“Yeah. That would be nice.” She smiled politely. “Thanks.” 

The two set off as Kyle showed her even more of the campus than she would have been to explore on her own. He told her that his older brother had studied at York and he spent a lot of time here visiting him. After a few minutes of somewhat awkward silence, we turned to her. 

“Desire told me that you weren’t happy about the lion comment last night.” 

“Yeah. It wasn’t funny. Comments like that are ignorant and offensive and I don’t appreciate them.” Her lips twisting in disapproval.

“I’m sorry. I made you feel that way. Can we start over?”  

“Sure.” She replied. The two continued their tour, then walked back to their dorm. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back in the safety of her room Tolani let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She was exhausted from all the walking and wanted nothing more than to lay in bed and listen to music. First, she needed to call her mum. 

“Tolani!” 

“Hi mum.” She smiled at mum through the camera. ‘Thank God for FaceTime.’ 

“Ba wo ni?” (How are you?)

“Mo wa dada” (I’m fine) she replied slipping seamlessly into Yoruba. 

“How was registration?” 

“Good. I’m all ready for classes to start next week. It’s exciting but also incredibly nerve-wracking.” 

“You have nothing to be worried about.” Her mum replied. 

Even though they hadn’t been on the phone for long, it felt good to talk to her mum. Being away from home was never easy and adding the fact that she was almost 10,000 miles away and in a completely different time zone didn’t help. 

“Tolani I want you to enjoy your time there but I also want you to focus on your work. Okay?”

“Yes Mum.” She replied in English. Her parents were very much work oriented. Everything else was a potential distraction. Tolani understood that it came from a place of love but it was sometimes difficult to open up to them. 

When the phone call ended, she was about to toss her phone on her bed she noticed another Instagram notification. It was hard to see in the midst of the comments still flooding her Instagram, but it was undeniable.

*Shawn Mendes replied to your story.*

Shawn: Pulling a Hermione I see?

‘A Harry Potter joke. Wooow’ she thought as liked the message and typed out a reply

Tolani: Harry Potter jokes. Is that what we’re doing?

She put her phone down and waited. Two minutes later he responded.

Shawn: They are the best type of jokes.😁

Tolani: Are they though… because I can think of at least 10 other jokes that are better than that one 🙄

Shawn: Maybe I could hear them one day.

That message stopped her dead in her tracks. Was that attempt to ask her out or was she reading into the message too much? She was confident that they weren’t flirting at the club but upon reflection maybe they were. 

Tolani: Was that an attempt to ask me out?🤨

Shawn: Yes and No. More of me seeing if you were open to the idea of me asking you out, rather than me actually doing it. 

Tolani: So I’m taking that as a yes. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Even though it wasn’t in person, the conversation flowed easily. Tolani wouldn’t have said that she was bad at talking to strangers but she was definitely on the introverted side of the scale. 

Shawn: I guess you could say that.

She didn’t know how to respond to that. He wasn’t asking her out but letting her know that he wanted to. ‘Would I say yes if he asked me out? I don’t know.’ She flinched as her phone vibrated in her lap. Her heart leapt into her chest as she opened the message from him. 

Shawn: Would you like to go out for coffee sometime? That was me asking you out btw 😉

Tolani: Like a date? 🤨

Shawn: Ideally yes, but it doesn't have to be if you don’t want it to be. We could go as friends 😊

Tolani: Are we friends?

Shawn: Let’s not label it right now.

He was definitely flirting with her and she wasn’t sure how to react to that. She could picture his smile and the way his eyes seemed to sparkle. He was definitely attractive so that wasn’t the issue. ‘There’s no harm in getting coffee as friends right?’ 

Tolani: I’d love to get coffee.

Shawn: Is it a date?

Tolani: Let’s not label it right now.

Shawn: Using my own words against me. Why do I feel like I’m going to regret that?

Tolani: I can guarantee it 😉

Shawn: Are you free tomorrow? There’s a really cool coffee shop we can go to called Early Bird on Queen street.

Tolani: I am. How about 11 o'clock? 

Shawn: Perfect. Meet you there?

Tolani: It’s a date. 

Shawn: What happened to no labels? 🤨

Tolani: I’m blocking you now. 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

Shawn: Haha! See you tomorrow T.

She stared at her phone in shock. She had a coffee date with a famous pop star. One that she knew nothing about. ‘A google search won’t hurt right?’ 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tolani was running late. She’d gotten on the wrong bus and was headed in the wrong direction before she realised what was going on. Luckily she was able to find her way to the coffee shop but was fifteen minutes late. 

The coffee shop didn’t take long to find. It felt warm and inviting as she walked in. With white-brick walls, marble countertops and the addition of greenery, it was the perfect minimalist café.

He was seated towards the back on his phone, completely engrossed in what he was looking at, so much so that he didn’t notice her till she spoke. 

“A pop star sitting all alone.”She said with a smirk “Aren't you scared you’ll get mobbed?” 

He turned to face her and she was struck with how good looking he was. Photos and terrible club lighting really didn’t do him justice. She couldn’t tell what colour his eyes were that night, but she could see now that they were a golden-brown and much like that night they were sparkling. He had an angular face with a strong jaw but also rosy cheeks and a soft demeanour. His hair was curly and pushed back from his face save for an ‘S’ shaped curl on his forehead. ‘How ironic.’ 

“I like to live dangerously.” He quipped. 

“I’m sorry I’m late.” She apologised. “I’m still getting used to public transport here. Ended up in on the wrong bus going in the wrong direction.”

“It’s okay T.” He flashed a smile. “Although I did start to think you stood me up.”

“Not gonna lie I considered it.” 

“I don’t think my ego would ever recover.” He chuckled. “I didn’t order yet because I wanted to wait for you, but I have been getting weird looks so there’s that.”

The pair went up to the counter and ordered their coffee. Shawn ordered an Americano and Tolani ordered a latte. 

“So…Harry Potter jokes…” Tolani gave him an inquisitive look as she took the seat opposite him dropping her handbag by her foot. “Of all the conversations starters, why that one?”

“Well, you posted a photo of a library, York University right? I could tell from the location tag.” After she nodded he continued. “And that was the first thing that popped into my head.”

“So you're a Harry Potter nerd.” 

“If by nerd you mean I absolutely love it, then yes.” He nodded. “You?”

“Meh.” She shrugged. “It wasn't a part of my life growing up so I have no real attachment to it.”

“What?!”

“I mean I’ve seen the movies and they’re good, don’t get me wrong. I can see why people like it but it’s not for me.” 

“Could’ve sworn everyone loved Harry Potter.” he said absentmindedly.

‘Not in my African household’ Tolani thought. 

“Indulge my ego for a little bit,” Shawn said after a few minutes. “Did you seriously not know who I was the other night?”

“You looked familiar but I couldn’t place your face till my friend told me your name and mentioned Stitches.” 

“Really?” he looked genuinely surprised. 

“I guess your music isn’t super popular back home” she shrugged as she took a sip of her drink, flinching at the heat. 

“Where is home?”

“I’m from Lagos in Nigeria”

“The only Lagos I’m familiar with is in Portugal.” He looked at her apologetically. 

“I’m not surprised.” Of all the things she expected from Shawn Mendes, Nigerian geography was not one. “If you didn’t know the Lagos in Portugal I’d be disappointed seeing as you’re Portuguese.”

“How did you know that?” He looked at her quizzically.

She shrugged casually “You’d be surprised what you can find on google.”

“You googled me?” Shawn exclaimed. She expected him to look surprised but he looked somewhat excited. 

“I had to! Stranger danger and all that.” 

“And what did google tell you?” He leaned forward a curious look on his face. 

“Everything. I know your address, bank account details and social security number.” 

The look of surprise quickly morphed into one of amusement, as he started laughing. His laugh was contagious and sure enough, Tolani was laughing as well.

“Might as well go home since you know everything there is to know.”

When their laughter subsided, they both looked at it each other, the awkward silence felt like another person was sitting at the table  until Shawn spoke

“What’s Lagos like?”

Tolani thought about her hometown and got a small twinge of homesickness. “Lagos has… the most incredible vibe, it’s one of the most vibrant and chaotic places but you learn to thrive on that chaos. And I may be biased but it has some of the best food and nightlife ever.” 

She reached into her bag and pulled out her phone and showed him a photo that she took. 

“That’s Lagos. Well, one photo of it I took in a moving car”

“As far moving car photos go, that’s pretty good” Shawn said taking a sip of his coffee. “How does it compare to living in Toronto?”

“I haven’t been here very long but I’m loving it so far. Lagos and Toronto are really different, it’s really hard to describe but the energy is different here. And I like that, getting to experience new places.”

“That’s one of the things I love about what I get to do. Seeing new places and meeting new people.” 

“Tell me about that.”

Shawn told her about touring. He’d just finished touring in Europe and was home for 3 weeks before starting the North American leg of his tour. He told her about the energy in each city, and what made each one different. 

One thing stood out to her as he was speaking and that was the way he spoke about performing. She could tell just from his description that he loved what he did more than anything. He was gesticulating wildly while telling a funny story about how his best friend Brian got hurt.

She took it all in, cataloguing his mannerisms and the excited way he talked about the most minute details.

“I’m so sorry! I’ve monopolised the entire conversation.” He pressed his lips together clearly displeased.

“Trust me I don’t mind.” Tolani started tapping absentmindedly on the rim of her coffee cup. “Listening to you talk about touring is way more interesting than me going on about my life.” 

“I’m going to have to disagree. I asked you on this date to find out more about you. So let’s hear it.” 

“What happened to no labels?” She said with a wry smile and a raised eyebrow. 

He narrowed his eyes like he could tell that she was deflecting. “I only said that to make feel more comfortable about this.” He gestured between them. 

“Who said I was uncomfortable?” She crossed her arms across her chest. 

“I’m sorry… I just, I-“ he stuttered.

“Shawn, I’m kidding” she placed her hand on his. 

She could see the slightly skeptical look in his eye so she steered the conversation towards a more comfortable territory, music. 

“SO apart from Stitches, I’m not that familiar with your music. What songs would you recommend I listen to?”

“How about all of them?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I think they’re pretty good.”

“I don’t know why people think you’re humble cause to me it’s the opposite.” she said playfully rolling her eyes. 

“People think I’m humble?” 

“I told you. Google… and Twitter. People LOVE you on Twitter.”

“We never actually talked about what you found during your Google search.”

Tolani narrowed your eyes. “You really want to know?”

“Trust me I really do.” he nodded. 

“There may or may not have been something about Grammy nominations, 3 number 1 albums and performing for the Queen of England. I have to say, it's insane that you’ve achieved so much. “ she gave an approving nod. 

His face lit up. ‘He must really care about my opinion.’

“Okay, to answer your question, it’s a harder question than you think.” He strummed his hands on the table deep in thought. “While I think you should listen to everything, you should definitely listen to Lost in Japan, Where Were You in The Morning, In my Blood, Memories, Why and Bad Reputation.”

“Are those your favourites?” 

“Yeah. I feel like those songs encompass who I am as an artist.” 

“I’ll listen to them and critique them later.” 

“What about you? All I know is that you like Kanye and that your best album opinion is wrong.” 

Tolani rolled her eyes. “I'm not getting into this argument with you.” 

“Only cause you know you’ll lose.” Shawn feigned a cough. 

“I’m not falling for it.” She said adamantly shaking her head.

“Okay,” Shawn replied holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Apart from Kanye, what else do you listen to?” 

“Honestly. I’ll listen to anything, but afrobeat has my heart.”

“Afrobeat?”

‘Of course, he doesn’t know what it is Tolani.’ she mentally smacked herself. “Afrobeat is one of the most fascinating genres because it’s made of other genres specific to the African continent like Fuji music and highlife, while combining it with more western genres like funk and jazz.  It’s something that transcends music, it’s way more than that.”

“How so?”

“It’s directly linked to history, culture and to a way of life. It sounds ridiculous but you don’t just listen to it, you feel it, you live it, you experience it. It’s hard to explain.”

She looked up to see him looking at her. “Hey. You’re looking at one person who understands what that means. I hope you could play it for me at some point.” 

“I haven’t decided if I like you enough yet.” She replied. “Sharing Music is a big deal. You can’t rush these things.” 

“Wow, you’ve really hurt my feelings.” He held his heart pretending to be heartbroken. “What am I supposed to do now?” 

”You’re not funny.” 

Shawn pouted and at that moment Tolani started giggling uncontrollably and didn’t stop even though she was gathering looks from the people around her.

“Your giggles say otherwise.”

“And there is the aforementioned ego.”

Before he could say more, his phone rang. He gave her an apologetic look before answering the call and talking to someone named Andrew. Tolani took that moment to check her own phone and answer a few messages. She was surprised by how much time has passed. It was already 12:45. ‘We’ve really just spent the last hour and a half just talking. Wow’ 

She could hear Shawn wrapping up his conversation. Telling the other person that he would call as soon as he could. 

He ended the call and turned to her. “I’m really sorry but I have to go. I have a very minor crisis I have to deal with.”

“It’s fine don’t worry about it. I’ve got to head back soon anyway.” She gave him a small smile and reached for her bag. 

“Do you want me to give you a lift? My car is not far from here.” 

“It’s okay. Gotta get used to public transport remember?” 

“Before you go, can I have your phone number? I didn’t get it the other night.”

“I clearly remember you asking for my Instagram, but seeing as you’re being extra specific this time. You can.” 

The two exchanged numbers and only then did it dawn on her that she had just given her phone number to one of the most recognisable people in pop music right now.

“I guess this is goodbye.” Tolnai said as the two stood outside the coffee shop.

“For now. I’ll definitely ask you out again.” 

“How do you know I’ll say yes?” 

“I don’t, but it’ll be interesting to see.” 

“Bye Shawn!” she rolled her eyes playfully and started walking away. 

“Bye T!” 

She was glad she was walking in the opposite direction so he couldn't see her smile.

SHAWN’S POV

As he got into his car, Shawn couldn’t stop thinking about his date. He mentally cursed Andrew for interrupting but the potential scheduling conflict was something that needed to be dealt with before it caused a bigger problem. 

Seeing her today made her even more endearing, but he knew he had a long way to go before he could say that he knew her. ‘There’s definitely more to her than meets the eye.’ She was introspective but had an incredible sense of humour, something he was sure a lot of people didn’t get to see. 

He could tell from the way her eyes glazed over when she talked about her hometown and her love of afrobeat, that both were incredibly important to her and he hoped she’d open up to him about it one day. 

His phone rang, the sound echoing in the car. He pressed the call button on his steering wheel and the sound of his manager’s voice filled the car.

“Hey Andrew.” 

“Hey Shawn, again sorry about the interruption.” 

“It’s alright.” He sighed. “This has to be sorted out.” 

“You sound frustrated. You okay?” He heard the concern in the older man’s voice. 

“Let’s just say the phone call came at a bad time.” He let out a humourless laugh.

“Something I should know about?” 

“Not right now.” 

“Okay back to the matter at hand. You’re in LA for 4 days and GQ is requesting an interview for the new single, but it’s on your day off. Are you good to do it in the morning or would you prefer over the phone?” 

Shawn drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Morning sounds better. That way it’s done and dusted.” 

“Sounds good. I’ll keep you posted if anything changes.” 

“Thanks Andrew.” Shawn ended the call and his mind immediately went back to Tolani. There was something about her but he couldn’t figure it out. ‘I guess we’ll see where it goes.’ he thought as he drove home back to his apartment. 

Taglist

@bugheadfanatic @eve134340 @sean-mendezzzzz @rulerofnocountry @thotmendes @shawnssnack @shawnase @momenraul @justbeingoceana @tisvanessa @petit-funsize @shawnsvalentine @song-bird-shawn

[myheroaizawashota]

[*takes a deep breath* guess who’s still acting up that’s right it’s my draft box! I’m so sorry to everyone who’s got asks in my inbox! They’re coming, slowly but surely they’re all coming! @rhodochrosite-love I’m so sorry dear this took so long but hopefully it was worth the wait! Ps i should probably start proof reading my actual responses back to you guys 😅 I type like I’ve never had an English class in my life yikes]

Respect in this world was something hard to come by these days. In a world where everyone constantly scrambled and clawed for the sweet taste of success and popularity, the word had lost all meaning. Immature children partook in the most irresponsible and disrespectful acts just for their five minutes of fame. These days not many clung to the tradition and heritage of the shrines set up to honor the great wise Kitsune that guarded your neighborhood. Videos leaked virally around the globe of insolent youths purposely desecrating and demeaning the spirits that held significance to your town. In fact, most shrines had been taken down due to the sheer amount of vandalism over the years. It saddened you that out of fourteen shrines, three remained. While the other two lay securely out of your reach you managed to maintain the integrity of a shrine located just miles from your home. Like clock work every morning and every night on your way home from your daily commute, you’d clear away the trash and scrub off the graffiti left by the children and adults of the community, it left sitting to rot in place of offerings. It twisted your stomach that such a sacred piece of your town, your countries heritage could be treated so poorly. These spirits were kind, loving souls that in a time protected their people. Now a days people disregarded the Kitsune, claiming they were nothing but myths and folk lore passed down by the crazed elders, but from a young age you adored them. You loved the stories of how they’d share their wisdom and strength with their people. You always believed in them. You took pride in the Kitsune and their shrines.

As the rain pounded down on your head, you wandered through the streets, an offering hidden under your jacket as you hurried through the down pour on your way home. Weather never deterred you from making your twice daily stops. As you did each and every day, you cleared the trash from the shrine, and placed your gift down for the spirit. Today you left an offering of rice with fried tofu, you remember in your younger years your grandmother mentioning how it was a favorite for most of the Kitsune. “I’m sorry that your offering is soggy today....i tried my best to shield it from the elements but....the rain just soaked through my jacket.” You sighed shifting in front of the shrine.

It wasn’t custom, but often days you spent a good thirty or so minutes at the shrine showing your worship, talking to the Kitsune. It made you feel better some days. Things were lonely, and while the spirits never spoke back, you could always sense them listening. Sighing, you felt your body begin to shiver as the breeze tickled your shape chilling the damp clothes that hung off of you. “I hope you enjoy the meal, I notice they’re gone every day...I’m sure it’s coincidence, but i like to imagine you’re eating them.”

Another shiver rippled through your body, a gust of wind forcing your jacket to blow back from your shoulders. The winds were strong, stronger than normal, in fact they felt almost forceful. Turning your cheek as the winds began to pick up causing debris to fly toward you, a shape began to appear in front of you. Blinded by the dust and dirt the wind had swelled into your face, the only thing you could distinctly make out was 6 tails all swaying gently in the breeze. Your eyes couldn’t believe what you were seeing, it felt unreal. “H-hello?....”

In response a low pur rumbled through the air, the winds finally calming to reveal something your mind couldn’t believe. Stood in front of you was a man with long tattered dark hair, a set of messy bangs hiding the markings of his forehead. Across his prominent cheek bones sat two bold red lines that extended back to his hair line with a few other distinctive markings along his features. He was stunning, though for a spirit that was all but compared to a god, you couldn’t say you expected much more. Trembling, unsure if it was fear or the chill of your damp clothes, you timidly looked the man over flinching as he stepped closer. “You’ve come here twice a day for the last three years. Why.”

Your eyes widened as the gruff tone of his voice struck you off guard, you left floundering as you tried to answer his question. Your mouth dropped to formulate words, but no sound passed your lips. Impatiently the spirit stepped closer, his chest brushed flush against yours as his eyes bore down at you. You could feel the way your heart clattered against your chest, it’s beating almost in your throat. “Be diligent with your answer. Why have you come here twice a day for three years? What do you want from me?”

His eyes watched yours with purpose as he struggled to read the emotions on your face. Your features now flushed with color as you managed to squeak out “m-my grandmother used to tell me stories of the Kitsune and all the amazing things you were capable of. I always appreciated how vital you were to our heritage. I don’t come because I want something I come to pay respect.”

A low hum bubbled in his throat, as his chest began to peel away from your own, his eyes lazily rolling you up and down. “Laughable that a human would do something without an alter motive. You mortal creatures are all the same. You offer us gifts and expect us to fulfill your wildest fantasies.” He sighed rolling his eyes before shuffling his way back towards his shrine. “Seeing as you have kept my home clean and have brought me food, I should keep my end of the deal. I’ll grant you one wish, anything you want. Try not to be to generic, will you?”

Astonished by the blunt tongue on the spirit you couldn’t help but stand shaken as you gawked. Was this man really a Kitsune? Aside from looking....well...unkempt and sloppy, his lackadaisical attitude and blunt demeanor weren’t what you’d been expecting all these years. Certainly no stories covered the creatures being this way. Taking your time to lull over what you’d ask for the creature sighed and rubbed at his temple “look, you’ve already woken me from my sleep. Can’t you speed this up-“

“My wish, is that you come out and speak to me every day that I visit.”

The words flew from your mouth quicker than your brain could process. Quickly you clamped a hand over your lips to seal them from releasing another stupid comment. Raising a brow, the spirits tails all fluttered in response. That was a unusual request indeed. He was expecting you to ask for something generic like wealth, power, fame....why ask for his company. “Why? What do you possibly have to gain from that wish?”

Pressing your lips together you sucked in a breath of air, your shoulders rising as you let your breath release. “Knowledge. I want to know more about you. I want to know what things were like when you were worshiped by more than just me. I want to hear of your stories....I want to know that my time isn’t wasted cleaning up everyday and providing you food.”

It was a tall order to fulfill, but the man just purred in response, his back turning towards you as the winds once more began to pick up. “Fine, so be it. Come back tomorrow, the same time as you always do, and I will be waiting for you. Don’t be late.”

With that a gust blew the contents of the surroundings, it once more causing you to shield and turn your face. When you turned back the spirit was gone, as well as your offering.

When the next day came, you arrived the same time as you had the previous day, the routine just as any other. You cleaned the area before providing your offering and like clock work the spirit appeared once more. This continued for weeks on end, and you could feel a certain fondness growing in your chest for the Kitsune. Soon it was undeniable you’d created strong feelings for the spirit, feelings that could only be described as love. As fate would have it, your feelings hadn’t gone unnoticed and were not one sided. The Kitsune has grown to appreciate you, even more so, adore you. The spirit had trusted you enough to reveal his name, Aizawa. It was beautiful, a simple name was enough to reduce your heart to flutters.

Returning to the shrine as you did every day, things felt different. When the spirt came to speak, you noticed a certain softness in the way he moved and the way he talked. While he was still blunt and bold with his statements, you noticed a soft look in those typically stoic eyes of his. “May I ask you something?...” you whisper, your body seated on the floor next to him.

“I’ve never stopped you from asking me anything before...” he murmured back, the tips of his tails gently ghosting across your lower back. “What do you want.”

Gnawing at your bottom lip, you felt your heart rate escalate as you tried to formulate how to phrase your thoughts. “Well...I was wondering...” you stuttered the tips of your fingers pressed together, as you cast your eyes away from his form your mouth growing dry. “I wanted to know....well..”

“You’re agitating me, just ask me what you want to know.” He roughly said, his eyes willing yours to make contact.

Clenching then shut tightly, your shoulders hunched as you turned your cheek. “I wanted to know, if I can make a second request.”

Sighing, the man shifted. He should have all but expected this. Though as much as the Kitsune would have loved to say no, he was drawn to you and was curious to see what your second request could be. “One more request.”

“May i kiss you?”

The spirit sat shocked, his body tensing slightly from the question. No one had ever asked him something like that before. Feeling his own heart flutter, he couldn’t help but sit speechless for a moment.

“I-it’s okay if you deny my request! I know it’s silly, truthfully I’m not sure why I asked, but I can’t help but get this feeling when I’m with you, you know deep in my chest...and I don’t know i just thought maybe if I could ki-“

Before you could finish another word, the mans mouth was pressed against yours, the tender touch of his hand curling around your cheek as he drew you closer. It took you by shock, you almost forgetting how to breath. Slowly you let yourself slip into the kiss your eyes closing as your body all but moved against his. You had fallen for this Kitsune, and the spirit has fallen back.

[hoidn]

AO3 Writer Meme! copied right from @sarking (thank you!), who said:

Thirty-three questions and answers under the cut, along with a handy list of the questions so you don’t have to delete my answers when you write your own. Because I care, dammit.

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i’m sorry to say that it’s a very boring origin story. i love trees. that’s it. tree started as my username on livejournal in 2001; five years later when i began writing fic, it made sense to use the same name because that’s how people already knew me. it was the name i used when i began volunteering for the OTW, and so it was the name i joined the archive with. the end.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback (bookmarks, subscriptions, hits, kudos)?

[what she said:] I somewhat object to calling anything other than kudos or comments feedback, but:

Most bookmarks: Hearing Light (124, wow) [this is the number on my stats page, although the number on the work is 89, so idk.]

Most subscriptions: if you came this way (17)

Most hits: A Wild and Distant Shore (21,944 HOLY SHIT) [it took me three tries to figure out how to see my hit counts; also my top 5 are now all pride and prejudice fics, heh.]

Most kudos: A Wild and Distant Shore (629)

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

it’s a photo of a bookshelf with the text “take me to the library. it is urgent.” i chose it because it’s very ‘me’ in the sense that i love books, i love libraries, and i have been known to have urgent library needs. also it just amuses me.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

um, no? i mostly write in small fandoms, or larger fandoms that are no longer very active, and i write infrequently, and i rarely write long fics, all of which combined means that there’s not much consistency in the comments.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

i mean, i have thousands of fics saved, and i’ve read them all at least twice. at least.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

i have 21 subscriptions to works and, looking at them, i realise i don’t have any idea what most of them are. i’ve got 287 bookmarks.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

i’ve written a grand total of one. based on that: sex worker AU!

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

User Subscriptions: 65 (wow, really? i bet they’re very disappointed. sorry, folks!)

Bookmarks: 1064

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

not other people; it’s more about me judging myself. like, i started writing a luke/lorelai alpha/omega fic? i’m somewhat horrified?

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i feel like any answer to this question would require me to just... be someone else. for example, i’d like to be better at replying to comments and i’d like to write more consistently. but both of those things are constrained by the state of my brain. so either someone invents a drug to “cure” me, or i have to somehow magically become not-mentally-ill. while i’m not opposed to either of those things happening, they don’t seem very likely.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

the thing is, a lot of my fandoms are small (or tiny), and in them the popular ships are still rarepairs in a larger sense. (right now, for example, there are 62 works tagged with walt/vic at the archive, and that’s across both the book and tv show fandoms.) so from my perspective those two things are not mutually exclusive. that said, it appears i generally write ships that are popular within the context of an individual fandom.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

66.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

why do you hurt me this way? is it really necessary to flaunt my inadequacies, meme writer? is it?! between the old stuff i haven’t migrated over from scrivener and what i’ve got in bean it’s... more than 50, less than 100? 

[what she said #2:] PS. Thank you to whoever originally wrote these questions for saying “writing program” and not “AO3 Drafts.” DON’T WRITE YOUR SHIT ON AO3, KIDS. I BEG YOU, SUPPORT BEGS YOU, THE POSTING FORM BEGS YOU.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

both. that is, i keep them in my head until i can’t stand it anymore. then i write them down.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

no. the closest i’ve come is when i betad a story for an xf writer and in the course of that she asked me to write a parallel version from scully’s pov (as a complement to hers, which was from mulder’s).

16. How did you discover AO3?

i remember being aware of something being developed through discussions linked from metafandom at livejournal. then i think i lost track of it a bit, until a friend mentioned they were volunteering for the OTW and the org was looking for more volunteers and i signed up. i did documentation for a while, maybe a year? volunteers got an automatic invite to AO3 and i moved into tag wrangling then.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

ahahahahahahaha no. i am neither popular nor famous. anywhere.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

[what she said #3:] That… that is a thing people do?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

no. i’ve been writing since i learned how to do it as a wee bairn. i started writing fic because one day i just had an idea that hadn’t been there the day before. that’s basically how it’s always worked. which is not to say that i haven’t received meaningful encouragement from other people, or that there aren’t writers who i admire so much i’d give up a kidney to have half their abilities, but even without that i’d still be writing. it’s the way my brain is wired, alas.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

learn

what

words

mean

i honestly cannot emphasise this enough. it’s gotten to the point that i’ve begun finding trends as i go through different fandoms where it’s clear people are just copying the use of words as they’ve seen others do, without any awareness of what they actually mean. i am not exaggerating when i say that it makes me want to cry.

here’s a very common example: bemused. friends, this is not a synonym for amused. it means puzzled or confused. but you wouldn’t know that from reading a lot of fic.

there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what a word means when you encounter it for the first time. no one knows every single word in a given language. when you come across a word you don’t know, or even just don’t entirely recall the meaning of, look it up! the dictionary is your friend. it’s also a magical resource where you can make connections between words and learn stuff! if you use a mac, you already have an excellent in-built dictionary which includes a thesaurus and etymological details. if you don’t have a mac it’s still very easy to get access to a dictionary. i recommend the OED above everything and there’s a phone app for that which is free.

as a writer, words are your tools. don’t be afraid of them. but as with any tool, you need to learn how to use it before you can create something good. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

what is this ‘plot’ of which you speak? it’s a bit of both. sometimes i’m writing towards an ending i already know and i’m just not sure how i’m going to get there. sometimes i start with the idea of something i want to achieve thematically or in terms of character and the story forms the ending itself as it progresses.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

i’m not sure what a bad comment means in this context. i’ve never gotten any hardcore flames or anything. i’ve gotten comments that i found personally offensive or upsetting but that i doubt most other writers would. i’m an outlier and shouldn’t be counted.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

all of them? i don’t know; different scenes present different challenges. i don’t think any of them are harder than the others, just hard in different ways.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

my brain exploded with bits of a longmire fic less than twelve hours after finishing season 6. that’s now ballooned to two i’ve started writing, and like three more buzzing around in my head and being annoying. but also i’m supposed to be working on gilmore girls fic. and voyager fic. and xf fic. &etc.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

please define ‘plan’. given my answer to #13, i believe the answer is obvious.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

that sound you hear is my bitter laughter. short answer: no. longer answer: goals usually end up feeding into my mental illness. didn’t meet today’s goal? it’s because you’re worthless! and tomorrow you’ll be behind and the burden of the goal will be doubled and you won’t make it and you’ll be even more worthless! just punish yourself now and save time! 

additionally, i’ve learned over the course of multiple nanowrimo and big bang challenges that writing now and editing later doesn’t work for me. i can’t successfully progress with a story if the bulk of it isn’t already complete. when we had to turn in rough drafts of papers in school, i always had to write the complete paper, then go back and create a fake draft. basically it takes me a lot longer to revise words that i’ve just blurted out in order to meet a word count than it would take me to just write and revise at the same time.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

(i’m choosing to answer this wrt fic writing only, since otherwise the answer would be yes of course because i’m not four years old anymore. so) yes and no. i believe i’ve become a better prose writer; that i’m better at dialogue and moving scenes forward. but i also feel like i’ve lost something as well; it’s as if, in exchange for what i’ve gained, i’ve had to give something away. i might be wrong. or it might just be a natural evolution of style. i really don’t know.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

right now i’d have to say if you came this way. there is a lot of me in there, though in ways i don’t believe anyone else would recognise, and so it’s a very personal fic. writing it was also probably the most joyful writing experience i’ve ever had--at least for the first two thirds. so it reminds me of that giddy, wonderful feeling.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Camera Lucida I: Latency. because it’s not really my story. all i did was write another perspective of the story someone else had already written. and not in a remix-y way. i literally just replaced the narrative sections she had written and slotted scully’s internal pov into it in place of mulder’s.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

all things being equal, in exactly the same place as now. i mean, i’d like to say that in five years i’ll have finished writing my giant backlog of things-in-various-stages-of-being-written, and writing regularly, and all that good stuff. but i might not even be alive in five years. and even if i am, the likelihood of a magical transformation is, as i said before, unlikely.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

thinking about it. if there were a way to get thoughts directly into text, i’d have written a hell of a lot more. also, research. i love research! it’s a great means of procrastination because you still get the sense of accomplishing something.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

the part where you actually have to write. it’s pulling-teeth, blood-from-a-stone hard and i honestly wish i didn’t need to do it, but i always get to a point where i simply can’t not write. like, it gets painful? in a particular way in my brain. it’s like pressure and an incessant song lyric you can’t get out of your head combined and it gets worse and worse until you finally just give up and write down whatever the hell it is that’s in there. unfortunately, the whatever-the-hell-that’s-in-there is never a complete story, so then begins the struggle of trying to make it one. 

33. Why do you write?

like i said, it’s the way my brain is wired. i can’t not. and humans are a storytelling species. the very means by which we construct the idea of our individual selves is through the stories we tell ourselves. every memory, every conversation, every piece of our life is a story; we are stories within stories. i always think the question should be: why doesn’t everyone write?

Question list:

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? 2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback (bookmarks, subscriptions, hits, kudos)? 3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it? 4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? 5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again? 6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? 7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? 8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page) 9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) 10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. 11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? 12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)? 13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program? 14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head? 15. Have you ever co-authored a story? 16. How did you discover AO3? 17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? 18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? 19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? 20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? 21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go? 22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..) 24. What story(s) are you working on now? 25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? 26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? 27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started? 28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written? 29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written? 30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? 31. What is the easiest thing about writing? 32. What is the hardest thing about writing? 33. Why do you write?

[littleglasses]

Married or not you should read this

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….“

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

ps: this is just old story I had ever read from social media. It’s a long time ago and almost forgot. Maybe you guys also ever read before right? this is NOT MY STORY especially. but I get this from my friend’s status and she also doesnt put the credit. I put it back here to be my status because the story is very good to read all ppl and remain me about the story. 😊 pls kindly share the source on comment if you know. thanks…

(Story Line: Agreny Melisa, May 1st 2017)