#prove that im worthy

[ketavinsky]

honestly i thought that joining a writing group would hold me accountable to deadlines and motivate me to write more but instead im so constantly stressed i can barely sleep

[lazyveran]

thinking about where azula's ego comes from and her self confidence

see, azula's been born into and seemingly fully subscribes to the divine right of kings and heavens mandate and so on. so assuming this, her self worth and confidence is innate. her ego doesn't stem from trying to prove herself, since she believes that she's simply been born better than others. for azula, that's fact. she's intrinsically a princess, a royal, something more divine than man. alongside this is the imperial cult of personality built up around the royals that azula is born into, no doubt shaping this idea further. azula expects the love of her people, she expects complete obedience and respect, and she expects herself to simply be better than others. this is reassured by her skill in firebending, which does put her in a league of her own. it's physical, undeniable proof that she is better. therefore the two cores of her ego compliment and reinforce each other and result in her supreme confidence.

azula using backup and azula doing things that would make others insecure or shameful simply doesn't matter. whatever she does is right and will not reflect poorly on herself because she believes she is better than everyone on an intrinsic level. why on earth would she care about what others think? she's the princess, after all. she has nothing to prove.

it also places her relationships in a very interesting light. azula has been raised to see herself as a leader of those 'lesser' than her, so mai and ty lee fall into that category. she uses them because of her intelligence, she does not feel shame in it because of her very anchored, stable ego, but ultimately they cant be equals to her because of right of birth, and she treats them as such. there's a gap there that azula can't bridge because if she does, shes betraying one of the core foundations of herself.

but what i think is so interesting is that her self confidence is deeply anchored within the few she does see as equal. and that, invariably, is family. because they're the only ones that also possess the royalty in which azula builds her self perception off of. it's why ursa effects her so badly, why in the few moments they have outside the palace she treats her brother - her rival in as many names as is the royal convention (and really that almost defines their relationship because azula sees herself as a princess first and sister second) - with respect and care. or as much as she can in her stilted azula way. and of course, her father. the fire lord. the sole and supreme divine ruler of her nation.

the only person she doesnt seem to extend this to is iroh, but i assume that's because he forsook the throne. which to azula is forsaking his birthright, their shared birthright as royals, and therefore he becomes lesser in her eyes. he didnt want to be royal in as many words, and azula demotes him accordingly within her own mind. why would she listen to someone who willingly 'lowers' himself to be rabble? zuko, at least, despite being demoted in her eyes by her father, still fights for his birthright. that is something she understands at a core level, and no doubt one of the reasons she offers his prince-hood back to him.

it almost seems to me that at some point azula starts to see herself more by her titles, role and function as royalty than as a daughter and person. no doubt from ozai's attitude towards her deeply shaping her own self worth. she's been groomed to be the throne's servant first, and a daughter second afterall. ursa's absence amplifies this, removing the one shaping force that insists that azula is a girl, not a weapon nor a perfect princess. where zuko's journey separates his self worth from his position as prince, azula doesn't get that actualisation. she is a princess who is also a girl. she is a royal that happens to be a human too.

to her, ozai is her fire lord before he is her father. zuko is a prince before he is her brother. ursa is the fire lady before she is her mother. the throne comes first, always. azula relies on her status as royalty to understand herself and her position in the world. without it, shes completely unmoored and most likely has no idea who she is, how to operate, or where her loyalties should lie. she seems almost dependant on her status in that way. she sacrifices everything for it. because what is she, who is everyone else, if she's not a princess?

[theworld-at-a-standstill]

The hot girl urge to

[push myself to the absolute brink physically and emotionally just to achieve something in life because I refuse to die a nobody]

is currently drunkenly fist fighting my urge to

[take 4 melatonin and pass tf out because I got shit to do tomorrow and my brain isn’t working]

[whenuwalking]

tournament 2 in the bag, impressed with my stamina improvement. went 9am-5pm, 4 tournament longsword matches, 1 casual free spar, 4 tournament singlestick matches, 1 casual free spar. I won one single match in singlestick which surprised me a lot. It was against the only even match in the tournament to me i think (she does rapier and only recently got into singlestick)

I wish some of my matches were recorded because I got some good but embarrassing tips from some of the people there. I apparently pulled the same failed maneuver 4 times in a row and missed out on points and I feel so fucking stupid. I can't remember when I did that and I also just. go blind during spars it's so hard to see the fine targets and remember proper plays/movements.

Seeing the only other student with the same amount of experience as me do leagues better has me in a rut as well. He probably reads and practices in his spare time though and is the favorite student so he gets more help. I'm glad I have the friends I do, helps otherwise keep me in the hobby, but damn

[szappan]

im also increasingly sure that im autistic but we'll never ever confirm that </3

[clawedevil]

Tag Dump because I'm tired of not having my tags handy.

Also NSFW headcanons because i forget my headcanons. I have headcanons but I only write smut when the stars align and two blood sacrifices have been made in my honor so no one needs to know these.

HIM's eyes go black when they c*m.

They are a nonbinary-shapeshifter but they prefer to have a pen*s.

Head game is insane.

They are EXTREMELY vain so when it comes to talking during its usually stuff like "you like my *blank*" "i know it feels good when i *blank*"

Believe it or not, HIM is a switch. They have no preference for either though. It's really just whatever they feel like at the moment.

They love to leave marks in visible spots.

Finally, the tags:

ooc. ｢ monster fucker simulator. ｣ ic. ｢ lace a lie with truth none is sweeter. ｣ him. ｢ creature most vile. ｣ mojo. ｢ prove yourself worthy to a worthless cause. ｣ musings. ｢ delights of pain and pleasure. ｣ headcanons. ｢ to kill a god. ｣ aesthetic. ｢ luxuries of devil to make angels weep. ｣ style. ｢ dipped with gold and blood. ｣ self promo. ｢ fall in decay. ｣ promo. ｢ succumb to your weakness. ｣ desires. ｢ the taste of the forbidden  ｣

body. ｢ all the better to eat you with. ｣ fc. ｢ evil always seeks to tempt. ｣ answers. ｢ look to the heavens and pray to devils. ｣ jojoisnomo. ｢ beautiful disaster i’ll eat you. ｣ mojo and him. ｢ own me i'll let you play the role. ｣ rebelpuff. ｢ what's the most you ever lost ｣

[jennrypan]

..Personally obsessed with the thought of Sonic beating Scourge JUST cuz Bernadette stepped in--

Like..Scourge is super and tweaking out like instead of it draining him, it just makes him glitch out like if he goes on for too long it could destroy moebius and mobius, he's not thinking clearly his anger is all consuming and he cant see Sonic win, refuses to let him win..so he's about to kill him but then oh!! Heres Sonics mom, that met Scourge once and decided she loves him like her second son, the first time she met him she knew he wasnt evil- just angry with no one to help him navigate that emotion and he's broken and like any mother would. She stands between him and Sonic to protect Sonic and she stares Scourge in the eye, unwavering.

And like a raging animal he snarls at her, threatens her- teeth bared chaos energy vibrating from every fiber of his being but he doesn't get any closer nor does she flinch, and she raises her hands. Slow, careful..gentle.

Her eyes don't leave his and soon her palms are hovering over his cheeks and Sonic has to watch in stunned silence as the dude that threatened to kill his universe and Him, just let's his mom close that distance. Cuz Scourge is still a Sonic, and all Sonics, no matter what love their family with every part of them, no matter who it is, if Sonic cares about them, it's deep and unmoving. And the one person Scourge loves, is his adoptive mother and Bernadette is her.

And because of that, Scourge let's her touch him..if only for a few moments..a few moments that allows Sonics friends to send the chaos emeralds back to Mobius. A few moments that give them the chance to get Scourge powered down.

DO YALL GET IT DHSUA AHHHHHH. Scourges mommy issues go soo hard yall don't get it..yeah his daddy issues are crazy but man..baby just wants his mom to love him 🥺

Someone ask me abt my scourge rewrite 🫠

[thepavementsings-archive]

how do y'all get over the anxiety of commenting on writers' fics who you think are beyond the level any engagement you can possibly provide? Genuine question like what are your tips.

[calamitys-child]

Hornyposting in tags skip if u dont wanna see

[shikai-the-storyteller]

HrGHK--

Someone just pointed this out

Quackity intervened as a mediator for Roier and Cellbit today.

And just like the last time he intervened in one of Roier's relationships, it ended in disaster. No wonder he lashed out... Oh Roier, you're seeing history repeat itself again and again, aren't you? :(

[ryn-city]

everything is in turmoil!!

[kurjakani]

Had to turn gale down properly bc i dont know whats flirting in this game and whats not and VOM idk how ppl do this irl thank god im ugly and weird i wouldbt have survived a winter

[mothticia]

hs!alune smooches hs!kayn's cheek, then bites it. for me, the mun, reasons are unknown, but for shieda? he probably knows, right? @seeksmoon

...

"What- I wasn't even doing anything!" An angry candy red covers his face instantly. However, he genuinely isn't angry- simply flushed by the first kiss to his cheek, and also the nibble.

" Don't bite me, I bite back. " The truth behind her gesture remains unclear to the man known as Shieda Kayn. For a long time, affection was foreign to him. It really wasn't until he became famous when he started to realize people didn't just hate him. Sometimes, they loved him, too... Even if it wasn't as easy to understand as to why or how, but he supposes this too, is a part of fame, or time. Once you get close to someone, it's hard to take that away.

He gently bends to Alune's cheek, replicating the gesture with enthusiasm. One gentle and friendly kiss to her forehead. No biting, unless he wanted to bite her ears... Which he immediately settles on: no, stupid idea.

" You're weird like me and... I like that about you. " He gets close enough to stare into her eyes for a second, but then he steps away just as easy." Kidding. Just kidding, you're not THAT weird. " If his grin could grow any larger, it certainly would. Not that Alune would ever notice... Perhaps, if she did, he might just literally die.

" Next time you bite me, let me know beforehand, alright? Damn near lost my train of thought. " That isn't to say he already forgot what he was doing beforehand... Now, what was he doing?

[aroacettorney]

when will aup sidestories return from war and stop leaving me bitter about how the main story ended

[aria0fgold]

Honestly my headcanoning for The Cursing of Chateau Castle lore continues cooking in my brain like I got more for it but it's all in the microwave for now. Like I got a whole ass storyline for Pierre and Lady Irene. With how hardcore hc-ing I am bout these characters, it makes it seem like they're my OCs but no they're like-- my half-children I think? isat is the other parent of course. I got nothing else to go off of in regards to the chateau trio but the small crumbs and a dream.

[shivroy]

sorry i AM of a hater's disposition today but while i enjoyed the teenage mutant ninja turtles movie for the satisfying, skilled and adventurous animation and character design, and the characters themselves were cute and fun, it was yet another example of a story that expresses the notion that if you are different from others, the only way for you to be redeemed or to have value is if you are extraordinary in some way. nothing about the story contested this, like mr rat fellow was only not treated like a freak once it was shown to the public that he is "a hero". the story had more nuance than that and there definitely was acceptance of characters who are different, but again, it felt like they were only accepted because they proved that they are useful. i know im preaching to the choir here but like... if you are a disabled person or even just A Struggler (i am a struggler, especially in social situations where i have to try to act "normal" and am totally incapable of doing so), it's hard to always see these messages that people CAN like you but only if you are gifted or exceptional or useful to society (i.e. someone who can generate capital). it was a cool movie and i really liked it, but this message of "you need to be useful to be liked if you are different" is such a prevalent one and kind of disheartening if you think about it. and oh boy do i think about it

this is just a post don't take it too seriously, i knowww im talking about a kids movie but kids movies can have issues and i can make a post about kids movies for 3 people to read