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rhetorical-ink · 5 years ago

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Rhetorical Ink Reviews: Cats 2019

Also known as, “The Movie That Nearly Broke Me.”

**PURRRRFECTLY PLACED SPOILERS BELOW**

Okay, so my best friend and I saw this film today on New Year’s Eve -- it was $5 movie day at the theater and we had heard it was bad. What a better way to cap off this year and decade, right?

To set the scene, the woman at the ticket counter commented, “I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard mixed reviews.” Another employee said, as we were about to walk in the theater, “I heard it was pretty bad.” Votes of confidence all around, y’all.

Little did I know what was about to happen. I could easily do a Top Twenty WTF moments of this movie....which is exactly what I’m going to do.

My Top TWENTY (because it’s needed) Thoughts on Cats the Movie:

20. Meeting Victoria

The movie starts with a cat being dumped in an alley -- this is Victoria, a humanoid (more on that below) cat that is reluctantly approached by the rest of the alley cats. They question whether she will fit in as a “Jellicle Cat,” and we get an instant music number where they describe all of the traits of a Jellicle Cat, which we can assume is their “Group” or “Tribe.” The only point that is slightly odd is that their “traits” that define a Jellicle Cat...are basically traits of all cats. Is this group just unaware? Is this a cult? More. On. This. Be-Low.

19. Munkustrap

So, my favorite cat in this whole thing is Munkustrap -- or rather, the actor playing Munkustrap. Seriously, this man is giving 10000% and after researching, you find out he is a Tony-nominated ballet dancer --- IT MAKES SENSE. If you can get a chance to watch this -- watch his movement and facial expressions in every scene. The man is clawing up the scenery and his intensity is terrifying.

18. And Then...There’s Rebel Wilson.

Okay, speaking of terrifying. About 10 minutes into the movie, we’re introduced to Rebel Wilson. If you’ve watched the trailers and seen her -- those are the TAME scenes. Seriously, my friend and I were questioning whether this film was okay or bad, and then...Rebel Wilson is introduced.

Her musical number made me say out loud, “WTF” about seven times. There is nothing I can do to prepare you for animated mice with children faces or cockroaches with female faces who are being eaten alive by a furry Rebel Wilson. If people walked out at this point, I would not have blamed them 1%.

17. James Corden and Rebel Wilson Don’t Fit In This Movie.

In all fairness, much of the cast are ballet or dancers and Broadway voices -- which is great for a musical. James Corden and Rebel Wilson completely throw off the tone of the film. Their jokes are not humorous, and both characters rely on self-deprecation...their scenes are probably among the strangest in the film, and completely ruin the tone of the film as it goes.

16. Jason Derulo Had His Genitals Digitally Removed.

So, I read a headline last week with that information leaked, and that clung to my mind the entire time Derulo sings as his character, Rum Tug Tugger...to be fair, he is a great voice and his song was catchy. But... once you know, you won’t get that image out of your mind as you watch.

15. The Twins are Creepy...and Boring.

Victoria stumbles upon two twin calico cats that mischievously rummage around a house -- before stirring up the house dog and abandoning Victoria. Their song isn’t bad -- it’s almost catchy -- but the scene goes on sooooo long, that it’s probably the only music number that drags and just feels overly long.

14. Proportions are....not a thing?

One thing you may notice in the gifs are that proportions for these cats are odd -- in the scene with the twins, Victoria holds up a gown, and it’s as big as her, but in the next shot, she is wearing a human ring as a bracelet.

This happens throughout the movie, as the proportions are never proper. Sometimes the cats seem normal sized in comparison to the man-made props around them. And at other times, they seem the same size as humans or the size of the creepy human-faced mice. The inconsistency is instantly noticeable.

13. Victoria doesn’t...talk...much.

I’m not sure if this is addressed in the actual Broadway production, but in the movie, Victoria rarely speaks. Perhaps she is just a voice for the audience, but most of her action in the movie is through expression and dancing alone. Which is fine, I suppose, but as a protagonist, her lack of voice creates a lack of agency, and so when she is integral to the plot of Grisabella (Jennifer Hudson’s character), it seems a little forced.

By this point, I’m sure I seem like this review is pretty tame...well, now let’s dive into the bonkers points that happen from here on out in this film, because it gets BONKERS.

12. Judy Dench and those Toenails

As you have probably noticed in the trailer, these cats have very humanoid features -- what you probably miss is that their hands and feet are UNEDITED. Meaning, that while you’re looking at a digital cat on screen, these digital cats have HUMAN hands and feet. At one point, Judy Dench’s purple toenail polish is present -- Jennifer Hudson’s perfect plum manicure is noticeable, too -- and Judy’s wedding ring is visible in most shots.

It really makes me question how in the WORLD these shots got into a final product -- or why they released this film if it wasn’t complete...was there a deadline to make it before the new year? This is SO distracting that it took up a lot of my time watching the film.

11. Hands, all the human feet and hands...

Additionally, these are very humanoid cats -- I understand that the Musical on Broadway is just people in cat suits, but if you’re going to the extreme of creating entirely CGI characters --- why not make them literal cats? Instead of these weird alien-like creatures who sometimes wear clothing and sometimes are nude well, basically with a thin layer of fur on them?

10. Ian McClellan

Similar to Munkustrap, Sir -- SIR -- Ian McClellan gives his small role 100%, even down to acting VERY cat-like throughout. He can’t sing well, though. Better than Russell Crowe, but no Judy Dench, who also hams up her performance, well, at least until the ending.

9. Taylor Swift and the Musical Number that Actually Works

In all honesty, Taylor Swift’s musical number introducing the villain of the piece, whom we’ve seen throughout the entire production, so I’m not sure why we’re doing this, but here we are --

--ahem, anyway, her musical number is one of the best, but it’s still a mind trip, as she basically sprinkles catnip on the crew and they all start writhing on screen.

Also, did they make her breasts larger? Is that a thing? Is it just me?

8. MaCavity and Things I Can’t Unsee

Idris Elba plays the villainous MaCavity, who has been trying to one-by-one pick off the cats that could qualify as “chosen” by Judy Dench. His role is a basically hammy one, but it gets worse...

At the start of the movie, he has a cap and trench coat that make him look extra villainous, but as he’s revealed by Swift’s cat, he ditches these garments.

It was hard to find a gif of this, but it’s basically a naked Idris Elba with a tail...and if you’re thinking to yourself, “Oh, that sounds hot!” No, no it is not. It was disturbing and I won’t ever be able to watch this actor without seeing him with a thin layer of fur all over him.

7. The Magical Mr. Mistoffelees...

As you’ve probably noticed at this point, the “Plot” if it can be called that is practically non-existent in this movie. The only elements of action we get are that Macavity is trying to kidnap the other cats so he can be chosen by Judy Dench’s cat, Deuteronomy.

Unfortunately, Dench vows not to choose him, so he kidnaps her...to...change...her mind? It doesn’t make sense, and he even threatens her life if she doesn’t pick him. If he kills her, how will that help him get picked?

In any case, Mr. Mistoffelees, who has THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE told everyone that he’s a “magical” cat and can do magic, is suddenly asked if he can bring Deuteronomy back through magic....and he’s NOT SURE IF HE IS CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO DO SO.

It’s such a cop out and leads to an overly long song about everyone telling him he can do magic, until he finally does the thing and brings Judy Dench back to the other Jellicle Cats.

I don’t mind Mr. Mistoffelees’s character, but don’t tell us you’re one thing the entire movie and then “puss out” (pun absolutely intended at this point) on the very identity feature you’ve drilled into our brains.

6. Suspension of Belief...and Physics...

In addition to the proportions being off in this entire movie, so is the suspension of physics and belief, especially after Mr. Mistoffelees brings back Deuteronomy.

You can see in the gif below that magic starts happening everywhere to celebrate (glad we’re confident of our abilities NOW) and later with Grisabella and the climax, there’s a huge shift from reality to fantasy. Movie, what ARE YOU?!

5. Grisabella’s Plight?

Jennifer Hudson’s cat, Grisabella, is portrayed as an outcast who comes crawling (literally) back to the Jellicle Cats...it’s not clear whether she is wanting the chance to be chosen or not. But the other cats hate her and shun her...except the newbie, Victoria. She convinces Grisabella to come back and sing to the other cats her story. Which she does, and this changes everyone’s mind, including Deuteronomy’s.

My issue is...what did Grisabella do? Other than run off with Macavity, who never even addresses her in the movie, what did she do? Why do the cats hate her? We never really learn this, which makes it just seem like hollow bullying. And maybe that’s it, but if it is, there needed to be SOMETHING more to give us a reason to care about Grisabella and her plight in the film.

4. “MEMMMMMORRRRIIIIEEEESSSS!!”

Okay, yes, J. Hud. can sing. REALLY, really well. And the climax of “Memories” is done well -- it’s just....not as good as Elaine Page. There. I said it -- I’ve only seen that number from the original Broadway show, but it’s true. Page knocks it out of the park.

I think part of the problem is that the movie doesn’t let Hudson go all out -- she does that dramatic musical moment, but then her voice and the song is restrained and just peters off...you don’t hold Jennifer Hudson back in a solo, ya here?

3. Trading a Tire for a Hot Air Balloon

In the original musical, Grisabella is chosen to be reborn and rides away from the set on a tire -- which begs the question: Is this a representation that she was run over? Is that how she is “reborn?” It would be an interesting concept to think about, but here, they just fix up the chandelier (through magic, or whatever at this point) and it becomes a hot air balloon that carries her away. Any possible conversation that could be created in this moment is sacrificed for a magical deus ex machina...and I hate it.

2. Judy Dench Came For Our Souls, Y’All

The resolution of this film is what killed my brain.

Judy Dench looks DIRECTLY into the camera,

DIRECTLY into our souls,

and proceeds to give a lengthy and unnecessary review of why cat names are important -- which really has been the thesis of this movie, hasn’t it?

There is an interjected chorus between her speaking, but seriously, this ending is longer than Return of the King -- and her looking right at us the audience only made me feel more and more uncomfortable -- to the point where I was laughing, and crying, and feeling like a puddle of mush.

1. My Mouth During This Whole Film...

...Was agape. Seriously, this movie is not just bad; it’s unfinished, confused on its adaptation, and just bonkers. The only things that possibly work are the vocals, with the exception of McClellan, but the lyrics and premises are just so bizarre that good singing can’t save your brain being completely confused as to what it’s watching.

If you can get a cheap seat, or go to a $5 cinema like I did, you could see this with a group of friends as a joke.

But otherwise, AVOID this. It’s the 2010′s version of The Room.

Perhaps fun to watch as a cult film when it’s free on streaming later, but not worth the money now, sadly.

#Cats #Cats 2019 #Cats the Movie #Munkustrap #rum tug tugger #Macavity #Taylor Swift #Rebel Wilson #Victoria #Jennifer Hudson #Judy Dench #Ian McClellan #Mr. Mistoffelees #nightmare fuel #James Corden #Rhetorical Ink Reviews #Rhetorical Ink

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sybright · 5 years ago

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Some disorganized thoughts on Cats 2019

So, I re-watched Cats 2019 for the first time since I saw it in theaters back in January. Thoughts? Honestly, it was much better the second time around. I didn’t like M&R’s scene when I first saw it because I wasn’t aware that the arrangement they were using was the original London arrangement, I thought they had just changed it for the movie. Knowing that now, I really enjoyed M&R’s scene, it was one of the better choreographed scenes and the song actually sounded really good. I would have preferred the newer arrangement, but I really don’t mind that much at this point.

Something I didn’t like the first time around was Derulo’s Tugger, I thought he didn’t fit the role at all. But on a second watch, he actually wasn’t that bad? I still don’t think he fits the character vocally, but his performance was actually pretty good. I also kinda like his take on Tugger’s character, I mean, he’s just such a bro? Like, he’s just hanging around throughout the movie and just being chill? And have ya’ll noticed that near the climax of Mr. Mistoffelees song, Derulo is just in the back singing that angelic high note? I thought that was so sweet and such a nice detail. I would also like to point out, although this has been said already, that he’s the only celebrity that doesn’t get kidnapped. I think we’re all aware that the whole kidnapping thing was for the sole purpose of celebrities only having to spend a few days on set, and not having to be part of the ensemble when their song was over. But Derulo? He stayed for the whole movie and actively participated in the ensemble, that really shows how committed he was to the movie, and I really respect that. His song did lack energy, but I blame that on Rebel Wilson, the live recorded vocals, and poor direction from Tom Hooper, all of which were not Derulo’s fault. So yeah, Derulo’s Tugger was good, fight me.

When I first saw the movie, I was really bothered by shy Misto, I prefer confident Mistoffelees from the stage-show. But you know what, Laurie Davidson really sold it. He was absolutely adorable, and his song was good even though I would’ve liked to see Tugger sing it. Old Deuteronomy’s song was as beautiful as ever because Robbie Fairchild has a gorgeous voice. Macavity’s song I’m still pretty “eh” about because I really feel like Taylor Swift just doesn’t have the right voice for that song. I will, however, commend her on the way she sings “wide awake” cause she really screamed that line, and that’s exactly how that line should be sung, so props to her for putting a lot of passion into it. The Gumbie cat and Bustopher Jones still sucked because Rebel Wilson and James Corden suck, they were the worst parts of the movie and that’s all I’m going to say about them.

Jellicle Songs and Skimbleshanks were fantastic and super high-energy. Those two and M&R were the best musical numbers in the movie to me. The Jellicle Ball was also really good, we got a good look at a lot of the choreography and it was just really beautiful in general.

Alright, last few thoughts, I think Jennifer Hudson did great vocally, I just wish she didn’t have that snot all over her nose for Memory. I wish they hadn’t cut such a big chunk out of The Naming of Cats, but I can live with it. Gus the Theatre Cat was alright, I would’ve like it more if it had some more emotion. Beautiful Ghosts still feels really out of place to me, it’s not a bad song but I just don’t think it fits with everything else. The rest of the songs were pretty good I’d say, but everything would’ve sounded so much better if they had just recorded the songs in a studio instead of singing live, but I think we all collectively agree on that. The dialogue was really unnecessary, but again, I can live it. I can live with the CGI designs as well, they aren’t great but they aren’t like, the worst thing ever, there are certain points in the movie where they look fine. The camera work could’ve been much better, we really didn’t get to see the choreography that well for most of the movie, and that’s a big problem with a show like Cats. So yeah, Tom Hooper, learn to film dance you twat.

Overall, I mildly like the movie now, I don’t love it, but I admire the work that the artists put into it, minus Wilson and Corden, we all know they didn’t do shit. One of the reasons I decided to re-watch the movie was because of all the positivity blogs here on Tumblr, I love them so goddamn much. I don’t know why, but seeing so many people who, prior to the movie, knew nothing about Cats but then saw the movie and unironically loved it makes me really happy for some reason. So I decided to re-watch the movie to see if I missed something that those people were seeing, because honestly I want IN on the “Cats 2019 was great” bandwagon. Even now I still really want to stan this movie so I can join the party, but I’ll have to settle for admiring the 2019 Cats movie cult from afar. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t stan some of the actors in this movie. Robbie Fairchild, Francesca Hayward, and Laurie Davidson deserve the fucking world because they were all excellent, and I have a newfound respect for Jason Derulo and his portrayal of Tugger. Anyway, this was way too long but I wanted to share some thoughts, if you loved this movie, I admire and envy you so much, have a nice day.

Side note: I got this movie on Blu-Ray, I have zero fucking regrets. This movie is basically a novelty item now, so I don’t care if you loved or hated it buy it on Blu-Ray you cowards.

#my original posts #cats 2019 #my rambles #thoughts on cats 2019 #cats movie review?#idk why I made this #cats the musical

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maxie-waxie · 4 years ago

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How Cats 2019 could have been different

I had an idea of how the Cats movie could have been different. Not necessarily better, because that’s a matter of opinion, but just a different route they could have gone down.

Keep in mind, I’m not writing this with ANY hate to the movie. I absolutely loved the movie and the cast did such a good job, and the choreography was amazing and the changes that were made were so creative and different!

I’m not trying to say my idea is better in any way. I just thought it’d be fun to reinterpret it!

I’m going to be breaking this down into three acts

Act one: Before the ball

Act two: During the ball

Act three: After the ball

I’ll go through each song and what I’d do for that scene

Act one:

The overture: We begin with our focus on the moon. It pans down to show a dark alleyway where we see the silhouette of a cat person. As the shot changes, we see this cat is Demeter and she’s clearly running from something. Avid Cats fans may be able to gather that she’s running from Macavity or his henchcats. We continue to see her stealthily making her way through the streets until she makes her way to the junkyard where she’s been told to find help.

After the song is over, the final beat plays as she smacks right into Munkustrap. This is where I’d add some dialogue. She begs for help, and explains that she was instructed to go here by an old cat when she escaped Macavity’s clutches. She doesn’t think they’ll help her, but Munkustrap informs her that she’s safe with them and “It is the Jellicle way to help all in need”.

She inquires, “What is a Jellicle?”

This is where Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats begins. A big musical number that yes, goes against the idea of Demeter trying to stay hidden from Macavity, but it’s a musical and I like me some big musical numbers. But we do keep the shot of Macavity watching the Jellicles. But this time he has his eye on Demeter. He won’t strike just yet, however. There are too many cats around to protect her.

After the song has ended and Demeter has had some fun, she’s approached again by Munkustrap and asked her name. Here’s where I put in a headcanon of mine, how Macavity manages to keep his crew under his control. Demeter has forgotten her name. Macavity refers to his crew by numbers. That way, he can slowly make them believe that’s all they are.

The naming of cats begins as the Jellicles explain how important a cat’s name is. The name “Demeter” catches her ear, and once the song is over, she decides to go by that.

Victoria, not new to the tribe at all (Other than the fact that she is a kitten and thus, new to the world in general), approaches Demeter and begins to dance. Her way of connecting with people and the world around her, because she does not speak. It’s a sign of welcome and acceptance.

Quaxo jumps in with The Invitation to The Jellicle Ball, trying to lighten things up and calm Demeter’s nerves. Munk begins to explain the Jellicle ball

After, he explains further, that the Jellicle ball is a yearly event where every Jellicle gathers together in a celebration of life, singing, dancing, and telling their stories. He explains the Heaviside Layer briefly.

After this, he decides to introduce her to some more of the cats, and he figures the most motherly of all is the best place to start. He leads her, followed by a few other Jellicles, to the house of Jennyanydots

The Old Gumbie Cat begins. This time, Jenny is much more motherly to the mice. She might make a little joke about “Dinner and a show” but the mice know that this is only a joke. During the cockroach dance, various cats chase and attempt to eat the cockroaches, but Jenny scolds them for doing so.

She approaches Demeter and introduces herself formally, welcoming her into the tribe. They collect Jenny to head down to the ball venue but are stopped in their tracks as a new cat comes onto the scene. Demeter hisses and freaks out, as she thinks it’s Macavity. This cat resembles him so closely (In this version, Tugger, Munk and Macavity are all brothers). Munkustrap reassures her that there’s nothing to be afraid of, and it’s only his brother, Tugger. The various kittens begin to fangirl and flock to Tugger. Tugger basks in the attention, to the chagrin of Munkustrap and the older cats (Jellylorum, Asparagus Jr., Jenny, etc…)

The older cats and Munkustrap begin to sing The Rum Tum Tugger as the other cats and kittens join in. Demeter is still apprehensive, as he reminds her so much of Macavity, but as the song goes on, she relaxes as she realizes that this cat is just a silly tom who means no harm.

Tugger’s song ends as he notices Grizabella, hisses and scampers off.

Grizabella the Glamour Cat goes similarly to how it does in the 1998 film, with Grizabella beginning her song singing at Munkustrap. Throughout the song, Demeter tries to touch and accept Grizabella and even explain why she’s doing so, but she’s repeatedly kept away and shielded. We learn why Demeter is so quick to try and accept her later.

It is explained to Demeter that Grizabella abandoned the tribe to follow Macavity, leaving her family behind, seemingly without a thought.

Bustopher’s introduction begins the same way as in the movie. Ominous music, a large shadow, and a cheerful “Good evening, all!” The cats flock to Bustopher, Munkustrap greeting him with a bow. Demeter asks Munkustrap why everyone loves Bustopher so much, quietly so he won’t be offended.

Jennyanydots begins to sing Bustopher Jones, explaining that he’s so highly respected because he knows where to get lots of food, and often shares with them all. This is similar to the movie as Bustopher leads the cats to the different areas where he is fed and they all partake. The difference is that the places are actual establishments, not trash cans.

After the song ends, Bustopher declares that he must be off, that he has important business to attend to and to give his regards to Old Deuteronomy, and leaves.

Just then, there’s a crash heard and Demeter believes she saw Macavity, though she is unsure if it was really him or only one of his mind tricks. Some rustling can be heard in a pile of trash, however and the twin troublemakers Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer reveal themselves, declaring that the ball is about sharing stories, and it’s their turn now.

They begin to sing, boasting about their accomplishments, while making some mischief around the yard, messing with Alonzo and Munkustrap in particular with the two cats trying to stop them to no avail.

I removed Growltiger’s last stand, as the kidnappings of Jenny and Bustopher don’t happen in this version.

Demeter remarks that Bustopher mentioned Old Deuteronomy, asking who that is. Munkustrap smiles gently.

Munkustrap begins to sing about his mother, Old Deuteronomy and why she is so revered by the tribe. Eventually, Tugger joins in as well, as he had joined the group again during Bustopher’s song. This is where Old Deuteronomy arrives and sings her little solo before the end of the song.

Act two:

The Jellicle Ball song begins to play as the cats make their way to the theatre, singing and chanting about Jellicle cats and the Jellicle ball. We get that big dance scene from the movie.

The song is interrupted by Demeter again seeing either Macavity or one of his illusions. When the tribe notices her fear, who is actually standing there watching is none other than Grizabella! The cats scatter, Munkustrap pulling Old Deuteronomy along with him.

Grizabella stands alone, in the middle of the theatre.

She begins to sing the first rendition of Memory.

Once the song has ended and Grizabella sadly slinks away, the cats come back out and Demeter addresses them, scolding them for how they’re treating her.

This begins Beautiful Ghosts, where she sings about how she comes from nothing, no home to go back to, and she could have very easily been in Grizabella’s situation had she not escaped Macavity, and how she’s so grateful to the Jellicles for taking her in.

The cats try to explain to her that Grizabella had a choice, and she chose to abandon her tribe, her family.

Old Deuteronomy steps in to meet Demeter, and stand with her.

Old Deuteronomy sings The Moments of Happiness, explaining to the Jellicles that everyone’s experience is different, and we must not judge others without hearing their side. Jemima sings her little solo from the 1998 version, as the other cats join in.

Once the song has ended, Munkustrap gathers the attention of the Jellicles and introduces the beginning of the Jellicle choice. The first cat up? Gus!

Jellylorum brings out Gus and he begins to sing. I kept is as him singing by himself, as I thought Ian McKellen did it so well and was so charming.

After Gus’ song, he sits down, heartbroken for the loss of his theatre days.

In an attempt to cheer him up, Munkustrap begins The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles as Gus is rushed backstage by Jenny and Jellylorum. We see later that they were getting him into the Rumpus Cat costume to allow him to perform once again.

Note: During this song, the racist language is removed and replaced with “Winsome Chinese” like the tour recently did.

Once this song ends, a train whistle can be heard from the station outside the theatre. All of the cats get excited, and shouts of “He’s coming!” can be heard Demeter inquires about who’s coming.

Munkustrap begins to sing Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat, and eventually Skimble makes his way into the theatre, joining in. The rest of the song is exactly the same as in the movie.

Just as the song ends, you hear maniacal laughter echo around the theatre.

As Macavity’s song begins, we see a prop crescent moon begin to descend from the ceiling. It’s Bombalurina with a jar of catnip. She begins to sing and sprinkle the catnip over the crowd of Jellicles, and the song continues as it did in the 2019 movie, but we see Demeter crawl into a barrel to hide from Macavity.

Once the song ends, all the Jellicles have been sent into a deep sleep from the magical properties of this strange catnip.

Upon waking up, everyone notices that Old Deuteronomy is gone. Demeter crawls out of the barrel to see what all the fuss is about. It’s then that Macavity appears, giving a speech about how the Jellicles have wronged him for the last time, that he has taken Old Deuteronomy prisoner, and challenging Munkustrap to a battle of honor, for rule over the tribe. Munkustrap, knowing that if he refuses, he may never see Old Deuteronomy again, so he accepts.

Demeter knows, however, that Macavity will play dirty, and loudly objects, begging him not to. She’s seen what Macavity is capable of, and knows that Munk could very well die from this fight.

Taking notice of her, Macavity sends his henchcats after her. Munkustrapp, Alonzo, and some of the other toms spring into action, Alonzo and co fighting off Macaivty’s henchcats to protect Demeter, while Munkustrap engages in a battle against Macavity.

We hear the two brothers arguing during the fight, shouting over why Macavity hates them, and how Macavity felt he was the rightful leader of the tribe, being the eldest brother, but Old Deuteronomy chose Munkustrap. How he and Tugger were always the favorites and he only felt loved by Grizabella, and they even exiled her simply for leaving to support Macavity.

Distracted by the argument, Munkustrap manages to emerge victorious, and Alonzo and the other toms have managed to scare off the henchcats, leaving Demeter safe.

Wounded, Macavity retreats, teleporting away.

Munkustrap confronts Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer who explain that they were only having a bit of fun, that they didn’t know Macavity was going to take Old Deut, and that they didn’t know where she is.

Demeter points out that there must be something they can do.

Suddenly, a spotlight turns on onto Tugger, and he begins to tell the tribe of a cat who can help them.

He begins to sing about Mr. Mistoffelees. In the middle of the song, Mistoffelees appears in a puff of smoke and a “PRESTO!” The song continues as it did in the 1998 film, with Mistoffelees finally bringing Old Deuteronomy back from beneath a large cloth.

All the cats rejoice, welcoming Old Deuteronomy back and cheering for Mistoffelees.

Once again, Grizabella hobbles in. Everyone gets defensive again, but Old Deuteronomy orders them to stop. She gestures for Grizabella to come closer and tell her story.

Grizabella sings the reprise of memory, Jemima sings her solo, and Victoria dances out and touches her.

Grizabella has finally been accepted. Demeter steps forward and thanks her for helping her after she escaped from Macavity, revealing that it had been Grizabella who told her of the Jellicle tribe.

Old Deuteronomy takes Grizabella by the hands and embraces her. No words are spoken, but she knows she’s been chosen, and so do the other cats.

The cats begin to sing Journey to the Heaviside Layer and Grizabella ascends, being lifted through the hole in the ceiling by an angelic beam of light.

Act three:

After the ball has ended and Grizabella is gone, The Ad Dressing of Cats plays over a montage of each cat departing and returning home, to their families, their loved ones, their kittens.

We see Munkustrap and Demeter share a tender moment, and she thanks him for taking her in. After which he holds out a paw as an invitation to join him at his home. The two cats scamper off down the road as the camera pans up to the sky. It’s dawn.

#cats #2019 #movie #musical #theatre #andrew lloyd webber

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uppastthejelliclemoon · 5 years ago

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Prompt request, Tugger telling Misto he loves him while Misto is sick and throwing up bonus points if later Misto thinks the whole confession was fever dream.

@whitmerule here is the pure fluff you desire my dear :)

“Just let me die.” Mistoffelees groaned, laying back on his bed with an arm thrown over his eyes. Jennyanydots laughed quietly, shaking her head fondly at the tom.

“You just have a rather nasty fever, Misto. You’ll be over it in a few days.” the Gumbie cat said reassuringly.

Mistoffelees peeked out at Jenny, pouting. “I hate this.”

Jenny smiled sympathetically. “I know, dear. Now, I have to go tend to my family for the afternoon, but I won’t be leaving you alone.”

Mistoffelees was about to ask who was going to stay with him, but then he heard his voice. “Hello, Jenny, Misto!” He let out another groan as Tugger entered the den, making the maine coon look at him, offended. “Does my presence cause that much pain to you, Mistoffelees?”

“Yes.” the magical cat snapped. Tugger simply grinned, annoying and perfect, and Mistoffelees squeezed his eyes shut as Jenny patted his arm.

She stood, giving a stern look to Tugger. “You boys behave yourselves.” Tugger looked at her innocently, and the Gumbie cat left her den. Once she was gone, Tugger sat down beside Mistoffelees.

“How’d you get sick?” He asked curiously.

Mistoffelees let out a breath, feeling his head pound. “I went a little overboard practicing a new trick and got drained.” He opened one eye, glancing at the tom beside him. “How’d you get stuck with babysitting duty?”

Tugger frowned slightly, but the frown disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. “I volunteered.” At Mistoffelees’ shocked look, Tugger huffed. “I did! Jenny was leaving, and she needed someone to take care of you. Is it that hard to believe that I don’t have an ulterior motive?” MIstoffelees tried to snap back, but he dissolved into a fit of coughing, his body shaking, and he felt a strong arm wrap around his shoulders and lift him up into a sitting position, rubbing his back soothingly.

Tugger sighed, watching as Mistoffelees shook from the fever. He didn’t know magic could make a cat so sick. Macavity wasn’t a good example, as his brother had completely succumbed to his magic before there was even a chance at any kind of illness, so Tugger was completely out of his element. He kept the magical cat propped up, letting Mistoffelees’ head rest against his shoulder. The magical cat was completely out of it, his eyes shut as he shook.

“Tugs?” Mistoffelees whispered, and Tugger felt his heart jolt at the nickname from so many years ago.

“I’m here, Misto.” he replied softly, and Mistoffelees opened his eyes, looking up at him. “I’m right here.”

The smaller tom gave him a smile. “I love you. I have since we were kittens.” Tugger.exe has stopped working. “But you’re always off chasing the queens and I didn’t want to lose you as a friend.”

Tugger nearly burst with happiness as he leaned in, resting his head against Mistoffelees’. “I love you too, Misto. You’re going to be okay. And when you’re better, we’re going to have a serious talk about this. But I love you so much, Sparkles. More than anything. You’re the only cat for me.” Mistoffelees’ smile brightened, and he leaned against Tugger, snuggling against him with a happy sound. Tugger tightened his arms around the cat in his arms, and he was positive he had a huge, dopey smile on his face, but he didn’t care. Even though he was pretty sure Mistoffelees wouldn’t remember any of this, he was happy.

And Tugger was right. Three days later, when Mistoffelees’ fever broke and he was released from Jenny’s care, he barely remembered anything that had happened, except for the fact that Tugger had watched him one day when Jenny had to leave. Mistoffelees did remember having a rather odd (and rather wonderful) dream where he told Tugger he loved him, and Tugger had responded that he loved Misto as well. The dream was extremely vivid, and Mistoffelees could even still feel Tugger’s arms around him from the dream.

But as he sat in the Junkyard and watched the Jellicles mill about, Mistoffelees noticed something. Tugger was speaking to his brother, Demeter, and Bombalurina, but it didn’t seem as if he was flirting with the queens, as their faces looked serious. Demeter suddenly smiled and shoved Tugger lightly, nodding in Mistoffelees’ direction. Munkustrap nudged his brother comfortingly, and Mistoffelees watched as Tugger approached him.

“Afternoon, Misto.” the maine coon said, his voice uncharacteristically serious.

Mistoffelees frowned slightly. “Afternoon, Tugger. Are you alright?” Tugger let out a small laugh, tucking his thumbs into his belt, something that Mistoffelees knew he did when he was uncomfortable or nervous. “What’s wrong?”

“Can I talk to you?” Tugger asked. “Privately?” Mistoffelees’ frown deepened, but he nodded, following Tugger towards one of the more secluded spots of the Junkyard, away from the main stage area and away from any curious Jellicles.

Mistoffelees watched as Tugger paced back and forth in front of him. “Tugger, what’s going on?”

“What do you remember from your fever?” Tugger asked quickly.

“Not much.” Mistoffelees replied truthfully. “Just Jenny taking care of me, you stepping in for her, and a random dream that I had.”

Tugger stepped closer to Mistoffelees. “What was the dream?”

The magical cat flushed. “Nothing.” His taller companion gave him an unimpressed look, and he looked down. “Just a silly dream that was probably a result of who I was around.”

“Sparkles.” Tugger said, his voice soft. Mistoffelees slowly looked up at him, and saw a small smile on the tom’s face. “Please?”

“Fine. I told you I loved you and you said it back to me.” Mistoffelees snapped in annoyance. “It’s a stupid dream that’d never happen in reality because you’re not the type to settle down, and you’d never- why are you laughing?” Tugger was grinning from ear to ear, trying to hold back his laughter. “See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you! You’re just going to laugh at me and go back to chasing queens.” Mistoffelees began to walk off, but his arm was quickly grabbed and he was pulled back into a tight, warm hug.

Tugger was still chuckling, nuzzling against Mistoffelees’ fur. “I’m not laughing at you, Sparkles. I’m just relieved.”

Mistoffelees frowned, pushing back to look at Tugger. “Relieved?”

“I thought you wouldn’t remember our conversation, but I’m just happy you remembered some portion of it.” Tugger replied, his amber eyes sparkling. “That wasn’t a dream, Sparkles. You told me you had loved me since we were kittens, and I told you that you were the only cat for me.” Mistoffelees’ eyes were wide as he stared up at Tugger, the maine coon’s smile brighter than the sun. “Now, I am really hoping that it wasn’t just the fever talking and you do really love me, or else this is going to get really awkward really quickly.”

Mistoffelees finally laughed, his posture relaxing as he beamed up at Tugger. “I think the fever just sped things up, because I wasn’t planning on telling you any time soon.” Tugger let out a laugh and tightened his arms around Mistoffelees.

“Well, that’s too bad, because now I know and I’m never letting you go.” he shot back, and Mistoffelees groaned dramatically, winding his arms around Tugger’s neck.

“I guess I’ll just have to live with that.” he sighed. “Though I can’t imagine how I’m going to live with such a terrible bore.” Tugger simply pressed a kiss to the smaller tom’s cheek, rubbing their noses together happily. The two simply stood together, giggling and smiling like idiots, their happiness nearly making their hearts burst as a trio of cats snuck away from their hiding spots, Munkustrap grinning at his mate and Bombalurina, who were both trying not to laugh as they left the lovebirds behind.

#liv's writing corner

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lauralot89 · 5 years ago

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Cats Doesn’t Look That Bad

I say as someone who has been mocking it since the trailer came out, but still.

Let me be clear: I think the filmmakers went the wrong way. I think it would have been vastly preferable to film actors in costumes rather than the CGI in the trailer. I miss the head tufts and leg warmers. I’ve seen the concept art for the unrealized Spielberg animated Cats film and I think that would have been much better (though Eliot did turn down Disney’s attempt to adapt his work, so who knows if his estate would have let Spielberg make it a cartoon either). At the very least, they could have tried making the actors’ noses look vaguely catlike while they were CG-ing everything else up.

But with all that said: the defining feature of Cats has always been that it’s completely insane. It’s always been kind of a punchline in musical theater, even as it made all the money and won all the awards. It’s a bunch of grown adults dressed in Baby’s First Fursuits caterwauling and writhing around on a stage, and the plot only exists beyond vague mentions in literally the last five minutes. For some reason there’s a cat wanted by Scotland Yard. It’s campy and weird and completely batshit.

And this trailer looks completely batshit in a way that only the silver screen could deliver, so I guess props to them for utilizing the medium to be insane in a whole new way.

Also while the proportions of the cats in the trailer drives me up the wall, I do have to admit that the proportions in the stage show are weird too. It’s less noticeable there, considering that there’s only one set in the show and most of the human objects are relegated to the background and covered in trash, but still.

Jennyanydots is a regularly sized house cat, yet she and a box of Ritz take up the entire trunk of a car:

And to the left in that screenshot, three house cats sit on a tire and are still completely dwarfed by it. Maybe it’s the tire from a semi-truck, but then how did it end up in this random city alley?

The mice are also the same size as the cats:

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser carry presumably human handbags from their thefts that are scaled like they were made for cats:

I’m not actually sure how large a coffee mug is in comparison to a cat, but I submit to you that it is not this size:

In conclusion this is a musical in which, depending on the version you watch, either the plot stops entirely for the cats to cosplay dogs for their cult leader or it stops entirely for a battle with pirates. There’s a cat in a light-up jacket who shots lighting bolts from his hands like a Jedi Knight. They have names like Jennyanydots and Rum Tum Tugger and if the play isn’t completely insane and at least somewhat unnerving, it’s not Cats. And what we’ve seen so far has admittedly met the mark in those regards.

#Cats musical #Cats 2019 #Cats the musical

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ponderoverpopcorn · 5 years ago

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‘Cats’ Review

Cats - 2019 - Tom Hooper

*Spoilers*

‘Cats’ follows the story of abandoned kitten Victoria who suddenly finds herself in the company of Jellicle Cats, a group of cats who, once a year, sing and dance away at a ceremony known as the Jellicle Ball in the hopes of becoming the Jellicle Cat of choice, the one who gets to go to the Heaviside Layer and begin life anew.

Quickly welcomed into the group, Victoria is then introduced to a number of cats who hope to compete in the Ball including, Jennyanydots, Rum Tum Tugger and Bustopher Jones.

Along the way she also encounters outcast Grizabella and villainous Macavity, a cat intent of sabotaging the Ball by kidnapping all of the potential contestants to leave himself as the only cat to choose from.

Meeting with all the Jellicle cats outside the Egyptian theatre, Victoria is present for the arrival of Old Deuteronomy, the matriarch of the Jellicles who has arrived to witness the cat’s performances and is ultimately the one who decides who gets to go to the Heaviside Layer.

Following two performances, the Ball is interrupted by Bombalurina, a female cat who seems to appear dramatically out of nowhere, singing Macavity’s praises whilst dousing the theatre with catnip, causing the Jellicle Cats to grow disorientated and confused.

Towards the end of the song, Bombalurina is finally joined by Macavity who finishes the song, transporting himself and Old Deuteronomy to the top of the stage where he expects her to make him the Jellicle Choice.

When she refuses, Macavity magics her off onto a ship in the middle of the Thames where all of the other Jellicle Cats he has taken throughout the story have been imprisoned, warning her that if she does not make him the Jellicle Choice, he will make her walk the plank.

Back at the theatre, having finally recovered from the catnip, the Jellicles wonder what can be done to save Old Deuteronomy, when Victoria suggests that Mr. Mistoffelees, a black tom who dabbles in magic, could bring her back.

Rather nervously, Mr. Mistoffelees makes numerous attempts to bring their leader back, but eventually, he manages to make this happen and the cats rejoice.

During this, Grizabella hesitantly enters the theatre; wanting to be part of the ceremonies but after being chased away by some of the party, Victoria goes outside to retrieve her, bringing her into the theatre and urging her to sing before Old Deuteronomy.

Grizabella pours her heart and soul into an emotional song about her life and is ultimately chosen as the Jellicle Choice and gets to live a new life.

Lifted up to the Heaviside Layer in an old chandelier enchanted to fly like a hot air balloon by Mr Mistoffelees, Grizabella is lifted up into the sky where Macavity is waiting and, in one last attempt to get to the Heaviside Layer, grabs onto a piece of dangling fabric from the balloon, but quickly falls and lands on top of the Trafalgar Square monument, whilst the other cats watch Grizabella ascend to her new life from below.

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Prior to watching ‘Cats,’ I had no previous knowledge of the story; I have not seen the theatrical version or listened to any of the music and upon seeing the first trailers for film last year, it was safe to say they piqued my interest.

Unfortunately, not having a chance to watch the film until this year gave me chance to read and hear rather bad reviews for the production, and the more I heard the more unsure I was about going to see it.

Despite the poor reviews, I was pleasantly surprised when the movie first began as it instantly reminded me of a west end production; everything from the music, to the way the car chugged onto the set and the positioning of the cats made me think I was looking at a stage production, and I really liked that nod the movie gave to the theatre.

After the introduction of Victoria, a young kitten who we see being abandoned, the film goes straight into its first musical number and proceeds into a very slow start.

The first half of the movie focuses on introducing a number of different cats and as I said, this literally takes up the first forty minutes or so, and with only the small sections where Macavity comes in and steals the singing cats away, I felt myself wondering where this story was going.

Apart from the initial lack of plot, there were plenty of other elements that caught my interest such as the well-constructed sets and props. I found the scale of the sets to be on point and I loved watching the cats sneak between iron fences, walk with ease along a bricked garden wall and jump around on a milk float.

The props were also larger than life and even though some of them were a little out of proportion, (a human ring fitting with room to spare over a cat paw,) I loved the detail.

Personally, I have no problem with the way the cats look.

I think the look of the cats is a great mix of cat and human, which I think fits in well with the theatrical aspect the film was trying to stick to, although I believe more time should have been spent on the finishing touches because there were a number of scenes where the actors feet were not touching the floor. This is definitely something that should have been looked at more considering this film is focusing on the dancing, and the viewers will be looking at the footsteps of the dancers.

The dancing element of the film was one of my favourites and there were clearly some really talented dancers from all genres involved, my particular favourites were scenes performed by Francesca Hayward and Steven McRae.

Overall, for me, the performances by Francesca Hayward, Laurie Davidson and Robbie Fairchild, portraying Victoria, Mr. Mistoffelees and Munkustap respectively were by far the best and were a constant spark in a weak plotted movie. I was a little disappointed that they weren’t included more in the promotional aspect of the film, seeing as they did such good job, but given that there was really not a strong plot, I think that if they didn’t include all of the big named stars in the trailer, then they would have struggled to explain the story otherwise in such a short amount of time.

To summarise, this film definitely has its fair share of weak points such as poor post production editing and lack of initial plot, but it also has its enjoyable areas too, those for me being the choreography, the visual look of the sets and props and the cute relationship between Victoria and Mr. Mistoffelees.

This film has received terrible reviews, but I personally found it enjoyable, even though it wasn’t the best movie I have ever seen.

I enjoyed the visuals, the dancing and the music and I believe if you enjoy anything theatrical and want to take a chance on watching something a little different, then I would definitely give ‘Cats’ a try.

Images © Universal Pictures

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singularname · 5 years ago

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ooc: First anyone can comment on this post or like it. If you want to ask me questions my ask box is open. I am more than willing to answer questions you may have.

A more cohesive list of my comments and thoughts on cats 2019, let it be known it is still hot garbage and still does not belong in the jellicle junkyard. Before I go on, I want to say, Cat’s is my favorite musical. I RP Munkustrap. To critique any version (and their are lots) you have to love The Musical. Any other critique is objectively a person who will rate it badly. Cats was never going to do well, it never has despite its run length through tours and different countries. Cats has never been viewed well by critiques, and is hugely hated in the theater community which is why when you see and read those reviews you have to know they have a preconceived notion of what cats is, and that is that its weird and therefore they cannot like it.

The three biggest critiques I see of the movie (and the show for the first one) is their is no plot, which I will discuss in this review how their in fact is one, how its horny and if you thought the movie was horny well John Partridge is knocking at your door asking if you’ve had your sexual awakening yet, and that the CGI is bad, which yes it is. My goal is to show why some of these are a bit unfounded but also let you see why a person who likes the musical is so disappointed that this movie only perpetuates that this musical is a joke.

Now onto the review. It is around 10k words, so negatives are under the cut.

Positives:

Robbie tried really hard, but sadly he wasn’t enough. He had a few off beats such as his initial intro, and his smile at the end that was weird. But he was good, and he made the shit show of gumbie cat and tugger’s song slightly better by joking with jenny any dots which was one of the best jokes in the whole movie.

Jennifer was a good Grizabella. Anyone making fun of her snot has forgotten Anne Hathaway singing I Dreamed a Dream, and should rightfully shut up.

The rewritten plot was bad, but the song that fit the best with the adaptions made for this horrid movie, besides Skimble’s song which I will talk about in a second, was Bustopher Jones. In the original his number is all about how well respected he is, but people remember his song is a story to make him seem better, we should not be surprised he is dumpster diving for food at all, sorry of a reality hit for old busty but its the truth.

Ian was a good choice for Gus, it was very similar to John Mills’ portrayal with only a bit more backstory. What was missing was a back and forth between someone, such as Jellylorum. Monologues are great but having a scene partner is better because that energy helps momentum and you feel things. Gus is arguably the slowest song, and it needs some livelness and no Misto’s little magic trick was not enough.

Mungo and Rumple were good. I hate the debut version of the song and they made me like it. For those wondering why we didn’t get the fun jazz number and got this slow moving one its because it came from the Debut on West End. The issue with the slow moving one is it falls in the middle where the pacing is already slow packed with more slow songs so it can seem a bit boring. I also wish Rumple kept her accent up.

The idea of the rundown theater/ballroom was really good. It allowed for a very similar feel that the junkyard presents with props and such for the cats to use. The issue is it was not our set the entire time and we are constantly taken out of it.

Skimble’s number was probably the best in the entire movie. It had the feel of the original with freshness from the tap which was genius. The tap dancing added the sounds of the railway in the same way the cats original make the train whistle noise. And the guy tapping was one of the originators of the Mad hatter in The Royal Opera House’s Alice in Wonderland so he was good. The issue with Skimble is the cut to the train and rail station which I will get to.

Negatives:

Three categories

Plot ( songs, characters, dance ), Technical ( movie stuff, CGI, proportions ), Anything I forgot.

Plot

Lets start generally. People say their is no plot even though Hooper attempted to “give” it a plot he failed. Their was no reason because all Hooper did was not only drop his plot halfway through, but he didn’t adhere to his own rules, nor did he need to add a plot at all. The dialogue was clunky at best, and not funny.

So the plot that Cats has always had is said almost immediately after the opening numbers. It is said by a grey cat that unless you know the musical you don’t know the name of but considering his prominence in the musical you know he’s important. He has solos in most songs, and even more in the movie. In the stage show this plot is seen through with a few interuptions. But here is he plot of the stage show for you. The jellicles come together for a ball where a cat will be chosen to be reborn. At times you get this threat, a cat by the name of macavity who you never seen he’s just scary. The cats ask who will it be, and the reason the songs are sung is because the cats are suggesting names of who it could be hence “i have a gumbie cat in mind...” This goes on for a bit their are two songs that don’t seem to fit in this formula, technically three, Grizabella’s songs (not memory), Peeks and Pollicles, and Growltiger’s Last Stand. Grizabella’s songs are to point out who she is and how she is distinctively not a jellicle, or no longer one. Peeks and Pollicles is entertainment they got a whole night to waste before dawn. The same can be said of Growltiger, but it is also paired with being Gus reprising a role more or less. The last two are for entertainment, just like the Jellicle Ball song where jellicles literally describe what kinds of cats they are, its also a bit of a mating dance but hey they are supposed to be cats. So we get to Macavaty he has threatened to appear quite a few times, he is scary, that is all we know. His song is sung as a cautionary tale to the audience and the kittens, he then finally appears and fights and hurts the protector among a few others and takes The Leader Old Deuteronomy. The cats are a bit distraught, then elvis cat struts in and is like what about Misto the magic guy. He then proceeds to say what Misto can do before Misto officially appears as Misto, he has been their all along though using his powers subtly to help the show progress he’s confident if their is something he is unsure about its where his powers come from. Misto brings Old Deuts back, and then Grizabella makes one last plea to the cats IN FRONT OF THEM explaining what happened and such. She gets the touch she craves and Deuts chooses her no words needed. Her plea isn’t part of a competition, it is one to be accepted being chosen is a secondary thing to that. Then we the audience get addressed formally like we did at the beginning a la “are you blind when your born” but this time its like “so you’re not a cat, so now you get us a bit more.” Then it ends.

The movie takes this fairly simple plot of party, guessing who could be chosen, we have to wait a bit before the choice can be made, threat appears, leader who makes the choice disappears then comes back, makes the choice, and turns it into a farce. Something that TS Eliot would hate. TS Eliot didn’t want his cats to be pussy cats, he wanted Hot Gossip. He didn’t want something cartoonish, which is why Andrew was given the rights in the first place. The thing is poetry should not ever be spelled out for you, is up to you to interpret, and these songs and plot is pieced together straight from Poetry. Hooper fucked with that vision, I mean Macavity falling at the end shows this perfectly, that was something you see in a damn cartoon.

The plot Hooper added didn’t work because he dropped it like halfway through. It was no consistent and because their were so many breakaways to the barge letting you see the barge instead of just thinking these cats are in perilous danger it ruins the steaks of not having them there. The plot was bad.

Additionally, and I’ll speak more on this a little later, when the cats are taken away you lose chorus cats. The only cats that are not in the entirety of the show are Bustopher Jones and Growltiger who are generally played by the same actor as the true range for them is that of an opera singer which you would never know looking at this movie.

Songs

Overture: It was weird. I thought the throwing a cat out of a car was a bit harsh and unnecessary. Also the choreography didn’t work. The camera did not know what to do. Additionally, their was some very bad CGI with opening said back. The individual cats did not get their little moments like they do in the stage show which only made them all blend together.

Prologue: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats: It was drastically cut. Not all the cats get their correct solos, or solos. Some were duets which takes away from the individuality of certain cats. It again like the overture was messy with choreography with the camera not knowing where to go or who to look at. The beauty of the cinematography of the 98 production is you got to see the full stage when dancing happened so your eye could find a focus, you could focus on what you want. We are robbed of that with the choppy cutting and the camera telling us who to focus on. Its poor film choice. Cats a musical that is more music based than les mis you can’t just cut back and forth in a duet or in a song to who is singing like you can with les mis ( which hooper also fucked up ). Also what was with only like five cats singing the solos. I’m sorry this is when we are supposed to meat the chorus, this was like a bad choir rehearsal.

The Naming of Cats: Blink and you’ll fucking miss it. They make such a big deal about a second name but then ITS CUT! They don’t name any second names, only boring first names. Like why even include the fucking song if you aren’t going to tell us character’s names or second names. This would have been a perfect moment with the sloppy cutting to at least let us put names to faces. Everyone walked out of that theater not having a clue that the silver dad cat was Munkustrap cause as important as he is his name is said once in a song, that isn’t about him. This song was pointless in the movie because they cut so much of it.

Invitation to the Jellicle Ball: So much is cut. So much. We don’t get solos from more than Munk. Its such a sad song with how much is cut and how important it is. It gives us Victoria’s solo which is also cut in favor of a Pas De Deux, which I get you got two great ballet dancers as your leads, but like let her have her damn moment since your so focused on making sure she is the focus of the movie.

Also my second fault to Munk, aside from him having no confidence or the write key in his first line “Are you blind when you’re born.” His solo here is weirdly paced and he doesn’t speak with confidence like he is telling a story, it sounds like he is speaking fast, and just not caring what he is delivering. If your audience conduit is confused the whole time, like this chick is, then don’t rush the deliverance of what the plot is.

This song also tells us the point of the musical and invokes the question “who will it be” which traditionally leads to the cats singing songs about different cats who may or may not appear suggesting who they think could be chosen. The competition which is completetely stupid, having each cat sing their song does not work. Most of the songs are songs sung by other cats about cats. Hence the opening line of the next number.

Gumbie Cat: Rebel Wilson cannot sing well. She has decent pitch. But she cannot sing well, nor does she understand the character. She calls Jenny lazy and fat. The stage version she’s essentially the opposite. Jenny is not a fat joke. She is busy cat who doesn’t get out much, but she does alot of good.

The cockroaches and mice. Besides bad CGI aside, this concept was poorly executed. It was a good concept, a good theory but the execution made it bad. In the stage production the cats in the junkyard portray the mice and cockroaches because its an act its like a play within a play. Here we get badly CGIed kids in mice costumes that ever version of the damn Nutcracker has done better. We get tap dancing cockroaches. However unlike with Skimbleshanks’ number, we do not get to focus on the tap or the clarity of the tap because of the poor filmography which I’ll talk about later.

This number was pretty much ruined by Rebel making a joke out of the whole. Additionally, she zips off her fur. Like its not a coat, or a bigger bit of fur its her literal fur. Its just wrong and it looks cartoonish which again TS Eliot did not want for his cats poems.

Rum Tum Tugger: Jason was a smart choice, but he also did not care about the number. He wasn’t giving it all he had. He has the vocals for it, but he wasn’t giving it. The dancing in this number suffered, none of the kittens or cats in general seem to be loosing their shits over him. They seem more happy about the damn milk.

Many critics say the movie is horny, let me tell you this number has nothing on John Partridge or any person who has ever played Tugger. I mention John because he is the only one who really went their with the hip thrusts and the kittens were the only ones willing to get up in there. Their was no fear the in 98 version, here they all seemed scared to show anything more than emotion. In a song that helps define some of the chorus cats we don’t get any definition from them.

Alot of people hate some of Rebel’s jokes, but the one that Robbie teased her about was well timed and much better than the rest of the jokes in the movie. It seemed natural and not forced. It also kind of goes with the traditional relationship of Jenny and Munk, and how they view Tugger.

This is the only time we see Tugger til the very end with Munk’s song. Because he sings a song, and its not for the competition it already fucks with the plot that Hooper set forth and thus doesn’t really fit into the narrative that Hooper is trying to weave. He should have left it. Originally the song is a mix of the adult cats and the kittens talking about Tugger and having Tugger more or less clarify for them. Its a waste of his character to be honest, and a waste of Jason’s actual talents.

Grizabella the Glamor Cat: Why do we need to know her specific backstory. Her costuming and song should be enough to tell the audience what we need to know. This is classic example of telling not showing, which is a big no no in writing.

Also because of how the beginning of this movie has gone we have no connection to the damn cats singing this song. Two of them typically have had parts in two other songs by now, and one of the cats is a “psychopath” as t-swiftizzle has said and doesn’t appear til much later in the movie. Like why do these cats care. The apprehension from the stage show is not there.

Kudos to Robbie for keeping the strange relationship up where he is hairs standing on end, but still admonishing the rudeness. However it didn’t seem to have an effect. These actors are so scared to touch each other, why would they make fun of and scratch at a cat they aren’t supposed to like. The song had very little agency because of how it was performed and who performed it because we had no connection to those cats prior. Jennifer tried but damn its hard to carry a whole shit show on your back even if Robbie is trying to help.

Bustopher Jones: I said it above and I’ll say it again, this was probably the best integrated song into the plot, while the shit plot still existed. However James Cordon’s jokes did not land. He didn’t carry himself as a distinguished cat in those deliveries which would have helped the character. I didn’t mind the junk and garbage surfing because it gives you a bit of a realistic look on what he probably does at the clubs and such. Think of him like a bit of a dirtier version of lady and the Tramp.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Again I said it above, this number objectively wasn’t bad. They took a song that I found grating and made it fun to watch and sung pretty well. However again it doesn’t fit into the contrived plot that Hooper was trying to form. Having Victoria there seemed very stupid, I will say more about how she is a poor choice for an Audience insert later. But she did not need to be there. The glory of Mungo and Rumple’s song is that no one is there, and they are taking a mick out of everyone who thinks they are Macavity. Whether it is the West End debut version, or the faster brassier verseion of the 98 show, they are alone making fun of the fact that they fooled everyone, and explain why they can do it through their song.

Old Deuteronomy: It was fine, decent. Until Judi Dench opened her mouth. I am bitter that Tugger didn’t sing the song with Munk but considering how much of the song was fucking cut what would he have sung? That is another issue this musical had, they cut so many songs, and left in songs that weren’t needed or added songs not written by TS Eliot originally at all. You miss the softer side to Tugger by not having him sing or even be here.

Judi Dench, she’s a great actress, she was not a great Old Deuteronomy. This has nothing to do with the fact that she was a woman. I would have been happy if it was Julie Andrews or Maggie Smith ANYONE, but Judi Dench. Judi can’t sing, the talk singing she did was pitchy at best. And the issue is Old Deuteronomy is one of the more powerful singers in the show. Not only that, Judi just did not command any presence. It wasn’t that she was small, it was just that she didn’t draw you to her, the camera had to do that. She molded into the background and none of the cats aside from Munk interacted with her, which made her seem like a stranger and not a cat that these other cats love and trust.

Jellicle Ball: I am crying for Gillian Lynne. This in the stage show is what many call the orgy number. It is more or less a mating dance and where we get the lovely victoria having her second big solo, followed by a lovely pas de deux with Plato who later becomes Macavity which I find intriguing.

In the movie we get Jason asking if its okay to party then they try to bring up the tempo by cutting the music awkwardly. This song just does not work with the choreography given to it. I am sure the Les Twins are great dancers, but first why couldn’t their cat names have been Coricopat and Tantomile they seemed to serve a similar purpose. Second why were they in this. The shoes ugh, but the hip hop does not match the song at all. The stick out and are just awkward.

Instead of this being a beautiful dance, with amazing choreography we get a very strange dance circle after the choreographer attempted to have the dancers dance on the softer notes and down beats, which does not work in a song with very hard up beats, and that isn’t a ballet number. The choreography over all just didn’t fit and seemed ill timed at best.

Also all of the damn lyrics were cut. The Jellicle Ball essentially explains what a jellicle is, which is what Victoria wants to be yet its not fucking explained to her, its poorly explained through dialogue and even then she doesn’t know. Like why take out the lyrics of this number. It made no sense.

Grizabella’s Reprise: Unlike the first song being in front of people, this song isn’t. But if I recall cats are watching. This is where we get the first inklings of memory. This is her plight. Its ruined by Victoria.

Beautiful Ghosts: I will say straight up I am not a fan of T-Swiftie her songs are petty at best, and this one is no different. This song was not needed. We did not need this blatant reason for Victoria to connect with Grizabella, we didn’t need it forced. The beautiful thing about the stage show is the touch and connection between Victoria and Griz is that it happens at the end of the show, and ITS NATURAL and is in combination with Jemima/Silabaub.

The song’s words are written by Taylor, and everyone is saying it fits so well with the musical and it doesn’t. We have no reason to feel bad for Victoria, yes she was dumped out of a car, but we know nothing about her past, and the song doesn’t do anything but allude to what happened. It is the epitome of “I had bad shit happen to me my whole life, but at least your life was good.” It is a song that completely lacks empathy. Sympathy is when you say “well it could be worse” and the last thing Grizabella wants is fucking sympathy. She needs someone to feel with her, not say it could be worse. This song is horrible with a horrible message and sung by a person who can sing well. BUT, its sung by the wrong character, and with the contrived plot that is being forced down our throats, it does not fit into the plot because we don’t know anything about Victoria at all.

Also it greatly irks me that everyone was okay with adding a song that wasn’t based of Eliot’s poems. Every single song in the stage production is a variation of one of Eliot’s poems whether published or not. It is a butchering of his work in a whole new way saying “here we’ll make it better” which is a huge insult to a poet.

The Moments of Happiness: Is it even in the movie? IDK, if it is its probably pitchy and sing talked all the way through, and does nothing for the story or anything. I think it might be when Deuts is looking out the window. But like the song is an addressing to the cats, kind of like an introduction or a toast for the Ball.

Magical Gus/Gus the Theater Cat: Ian was a smart choice, like John Mills he was a smart choice. BUT, the number felt long. John Mills’ number ran long and we didn’t get all of Mungo and Rumple’s song and Growltiger’s last stand was cut. Gus’ song is the slowest in the show. What helps the song have life in the stage version is Jellylorum singing with him. Actors in my opinion do better with a scene partner, and boy did this song need. It was slow and boring.

Growltiger’s Last Stand: We were robbed a good song. And what we did get, the one line we got was contrived and Growltiger’s song was reduced to a shitty villain song, on a shitty barge, to help this shitty plot. The worst thing is that this whole barge plot WASN’T NEEDED. We do not need to see people in danger to know they are in danger. It is better to not know than to know. This is the whole issue with upping Macavity’s role in the whole musical. A villain is better when they are unknown that’s why scary movies work.

I understand the original Growltiger song is racist, but they already cut songs, and they have shown no issues in changing lyrics, so they could have done. Growltiger originally is supposed to be a reenactment of a play that Gus did. The cats all help. This is another example of ruining the relationships the chorus cats have with each other, and robs them of characterization for us to see. Because remember in the stage show every cat is on stage 90 percent of the time, minus Bustopher, who I believe doubles as Growltiger because of the ranges and such needed. When we lose the cats we are introduced to the chorus becomes nameless faces and it makes me wonder why they are even there because they have nothing that makes them stand out.

Also because so much of Growltiger was cut we loose Griddlebone which is a fucking shame. We loose that tragedy of a tail. We loose a glorious opratic number. All for the sake of a shitty villain plot that had no real steaks at all because it all seemed so contrived and fake.

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat: Possibly the best number in the show as it stayed the truest to its original form. It didn’t have much cut song wise. My issue with the song lies in the cinematography of it. This song I say rings the truest to the stage show because at the beginning we clearly see a formed railway track of beams. We get the lovely tapping to simulate the train which adds onto the other train sounds that are made in the number.

The issue is the fact that they take us out of the ballroom. There was no need for that. I will talk more about it later. But this number shows us the real issue with scale in this movie and how they have no clue how to address it at all. The cats at one point look like they are two inches tall, and at another point look like the scaling is correct. Their are many many bad bad jump cuts when they are on the actual railroad tracks. One was so bad you couldn’t even see the cast anymore. The scale is very off because it makes you question are they the correct portions when standing, or are they they correct portions when on their hands and feet.

The stage show manages to show everything this song showed within the confines of the junkyard, and it was completely feasible to do in the fucking ballroom but Hooper didn’t do that. When you have a big budget do not add unnecessary shots. That is what made the 98 version so great. They had a huge budget but didn’t over complicate the base show. The emphasized the dancing and singing and let those shine, and let the actors tell the story instead of letting the camera work and new shots tell the story.

Also the actor that played Skimble was Scottish I wish he let that come through. It would have made certain words and inflections just that much better.

Macavity: The Mystery Cat: In this stage show this song is a duet. In the movie is sung by T-Swizzle in order to get money from all her little fans. Taylor is an okay singer, i have heard better, and I have heard better for Bombalurina, both in seeing the musical live, and in the 98 version. They framed the song to be the one Macavity sings to show why he should be chosen but their are not cats to be chosen, remember that was the plot. Yeah its easy to forget.

Here’s the issue with how this song and its subsequent fight is worked out. The song’s lyrics are not changed so they talk about how bad Macavity is which in the frame of a competition to show your best qualities and why you should be chosen it does not fit. We know he was not going to get chosen, we knew from the beginning because it was shoved in our faces. Cats 2019 is a great example of a poorly written villain.

The song in the stage production is a cautionary tale told by two people who have likely had relations with Macavity. They are not only warning us the audience about him, but also the kittens who wonder who he is, who have never seen him. When you keep the context of the lyrics in with this new plot frame it doesn’t fit and only explains why he wouldn’t be chosen.

Additionally because its not a duet, and its sung by a cat we have never seen before, nor have any frame of reference for it doesn’t mesh well. Like why should we care?

Also the catnip. That is so pointless. Macavity is a magical cat, his powers to deceive and hypnotize are seen through his choreography in the fight seen with Munkustrap and Alonzo. But no we have to have magical cat nip spread by Bomby, Mungo, Rumple, and Griddlebone. Why even mention Griddlebone like this with the inclusion of Rumple if we do not get the song where we actually see just why she is an agent other than some lacky. Like this diminishes her character so much. ( And yes her inclsuion in the stage shows that don’t do growltiger like the 98 movie does also bug me this is not just a movie gripe, but the movie takes the stance to show us to her, but she is not the glorious white cat that is also so very evil, she is a wimpy little black cat who is scared that she is called out ).

Macavity’s fight seen mainly with Munk is taken away from us and given to the dumb barge cats fighting Growltiger. Again we have no real steaks in this fight. However we don’t see the barge cats again so why did it matter that we saw them off Growltiger? In the stage show, we actually see Munk, our silver tabby dad fight Macavity. It is a show of raw power that both he and Macavity have. It shows how dangerous Macavity is. It shows what cats do. They fight. We do not get this. We do not get see why all these other cats defer to Munk because his role as the protector is diminished to “I am dad cat hear me roar.” Losing this fight we loose alot of the connections we see between the main cats and the chorus cats. They all help each other, and want to fight. We see them care for a hurt Munk in the stage show. All that is gone and diminished to poor jokes, and twirling chains on a barge that looks about as real as a toy bathtub boat.

In the stage show, Macavity is scared away in this number. Which means he is still a threat but not for now. Not for the rest of the fight. Additionally this number we get the fake out of Deuteronomy coming back because that is how the fight happens. Macavity stole Deuteronomy just moments ago and to see Deut’s come back, we get a false sense of hope and a true feeling of Macavity’s madness. We don’t get that in the movie.

The movie boils him down to a bad villain in a cartoon. Which is the exact opposite of Eliot’s wishes. It is exactly the opposite of what Eliot wanted and why he was so scared to actually give away the rights to his poems.

Mr Mistoffelees: A song traditionally sung by the most confident cat in the musical Tugger, is sung by a character assassination in progress. This version of Mr. Mistoffelees tries to fit into the contrived plot of competing for a Jellicle Life and it fails miserably. A number that is traditionally loved by so many is utterly ruined by the lack of confidence in the entire delivery of the song. I will talk more about Mistoffelees’ character later.

But this song is riddled with so many starts and stops that we don’t actually get a climax to the song. And look Jason is back as Tugger, but his part is taken by Victoria, and the number just doesn’t work. I do not care what you ship. The number does not work the way it was sung or staged. Also Tugger shows back up in this number and when you think he is going to sing the a part its sung by Victoria, it cuts to her, and I was disappointed.

When Tugger sings the song, he tells you of a cat with powers. Powers that we see used throughout the show in subtle ways. Its not shoved in our damn faces. its used in helpful ways. In stage productions he opens the car for Jenny, He lights the stage lights for Peeks and Pollicles. Its all these subtle things, but he knows he is good at magic. Tugger knows this. Tugger sings it.

Victoria and Mistoffelees singing the song rips that all away. Mistoffelees has no confidence in himself though he used magic through the show, it was shoved in our faces. Victoria suggesting he can bring Old Deut’s back is completely pointless because the only magic she has ever seen Misto do is bad magic that only half worked. Now granted she has this insane ability to see the best in everyone and see them ALONE so like who knows.

But the number is ruined because their is no continuation or build up. And no conjuring turn come on. Also Robbie tried, but he is no Tugger. It feels weird coming from him. Like yes he encourages the cats, but like we also never see the other side of being parent, because they cut Peeks and Pollicles which I will discuss at the very end of the song section.

Beautiful Ghosts Reprise: I have no clue if this is before or after Memory. But Victoria’s agency in this number is so stupid. All her interactions with Grizabella were in private where no one saw. Her touching Grizabella means absolutely nothing to us as an audience for many reasons which I will go into later. But here it means nothing because Victoria means nothing to the Jellicles as she isn’t one.

Memory: If you have an issue with the snot go watch Anne Hathaway sing I dreamed a dream and come back to me okay. Tom Hooper has a fetish about that kind of stuff or something.

But snot aside IT FITS THE SONG! Grizabella is supposed to be sad. This is her moment, her chance to cry out for someone to touch her her. Her chance to be accepted again.

We get back to the contrived plot cause she sings a song for a chance to win. But the song does not fit into the contrived plot because even if we are following the shit plot, because of Beautiful Ghosts it seems more like she wants to belong again rather than a chance to go to the Heavy Side Layer hence why Beautiful Ghosts is a pointless song even more than it already was.

In the stage show, Jemima sings with Grizabella. She is a chorus cat mostly but this is her moment to shine. Victoria gets it which fine, but also takes away from the Jellicles accepting Griz because Victoria is not a Jellicle herself. Why on earth should these cats listen to her? They have no reason to. Also because not only was the initial touch done in private, because all these characters don’t interact with each other the touch is rendered meaningless which almost renders the song meaningless. Which is a shame cause Jennifer killed it.

Journey to the Heavyside Layer: It was fine. I could have done without the Macavity bit at the end that was literally pulled from a Tom and Jerry Cartoon, which again Eliot would have hated. Yes its acted by a real person, but its cartoon like in nature ( just like jenny zipper her fur off ) which is the antithesis of what Eliot wanted to become of his poems.

The Ad-dressing of Cats: Why was this song kept in? Out of all the songs this one more or less directly addresses the audience. They had Judi Dench break the fourth wall and stare directly into the camera which was uncomfortable, and not done well. I have seen staring straight into the camera done well in exactly one piece of film and that is Mr. Robot. Here it was weird and uncomfortable. No one seemed to know what to do. The chorus was stronger than Judi so her words were overpowered. She was pitchy at best, and just downright awful in this song.

Then she tells Victoria she is a Jellicle which... like yeah finish out your contrived plot Hooper, but all if it was pointless. And it ruins the “Victoria is the Audience stand in” because the song actually addressed directly to the audience was not addressed to our stand in. It does not match the opening at all which is also addressed to the audience in the stage show. The book ends don’t match and its weird.

When I say book ends, at the beginning the number asks questions about cats can you do this can you do that. At the end it asks you “so you get what a cat is now right?” Its a pretty clever way to begin and end a show. But the movie got lost and forget what it was doing so here it seems weird and out of place.

Peeks and Pollicles: A number that was cut. This number is one of my favorites in the musical because it helps waste time til the end. It allows the cats to interact with each other and Old Deuteronomy. It is one of the best numbers to see the interpersonal relationships between our chorus of cats and our main cats.

This number not being in takes all that away and does not let us see personality in any of the chorus cats. Even Mungo and Rumple fall flat because we do not get to see them not be evil or talk about being mischievous.

This number also provides context for what a Peek is. In Macavity the word Peek is said but if you have only ever seen the movie you have no idea what that word is. In the stage show we learn that it is a term for a type of dog. Additionally, when we take this song out, we also lose some plot context of the cats and the junkyard putting plays to help act out the songs of who they think it will be. And in this case what looks like to be a rehearsed play that the cats are determined to mess up and make our silver tabby go from silver to grey.

Dance

There was so much sacrificed for the sake of cinematography. A musical based in dance had barely any dancing shown because of quick cuts. And what was shown was often clunky and didn’t actually look feline. Nor did it match the music because the choreographer tried to hard to be like the greats who choreographed the nut cracker and other ballets. He also ruined Gillian Lynne’s choreography.

They looked like trained dancers when they danced. Which yeah is good, but they didn’t look like cats. Their hands were often turned up, when to make them slightly more catlike they should be turned down. None of them got comfortable with being on the ground. They all seemed so very very stiff which is the exact opposite of how a cat should be.

None of them understood how to dance like a cat.

The tap dancing in Gumbie Cat as opposed to Skimbleshanks is astonishing. The tap dancing in Gumbie Cat is messy and hardly focused on, when its the star of the stage show. It looks contrived and like they were trying to hard to recreate a scene from a famous black and white film. Also this is a CGI comment but if you look hard enough you can tell that the cockroaches are like the same three dancers copied and pasted over and over.

Contrast that to Skimble with his clear taps. Now the actor who played Skimble is known for tapping. He is a member of the Royal Opera House, which is a ballet company in England. His tapping was made famous when he originated the role of the Mad Hatter, with some brilliant choreography that he was given. His tapping hear shines. It is just a really good example of tap. And its a shame it had to share the stage with the cockroach crap.

The opening numbers was not given what it deserved by the cats jumping everywhere. The opening is a highly for the choreography of the show. Its supposed to show you what you can expect. In the movie it was just alot of jump cuts, and Misto fucking it all up, sorry not sorry. I did not fall for the cute factor. Additionally the choral portion was not choral. They did not line up thus when they line up at the end at Trafalgar Square, we have no reference to them doing this before. Its a shame.

Tugger did not dance sexually enough. I know I know I shouldn’t say this. But most actors who play Tugger try to do some variation of John Partridge’s version, with less hip thrusts. Jason didn’t even try, and thus none of the kittens were enthralled with him. It made the point of his song pointless. Additionally Tugger is one of the strongest dancers in the show in my opinion. He dances in every number and adds his flare. Because Jason is in the movie all of 5 minutes we don’t see this.

I am sure the Les Twins are great dancers. But none of that was showcased. They were pigeon holed into this and tried to fit and failed.

So much choreography was cut because so much of the songs were cut. Jellicle Ball has so many lyrics that are danced and they are cut. So much dancing was cut in favor of showing us Grizabella running away. In the musical that is subtle and you know WHY? its supposed to be it is not supposed to completely take our attention of of the magic that is happening with the dance. That is why Griz is chased away because she draws your attention to her. We didn’t need the camera doing that, and thus ruining the flow of the number.

Characters:

Munkustrap: Not much bad about him. He had a few off beats. He tried. Thought their are times where he looked bored, and his face was not good at hiding it.

Victoria: One face wonder, she is like the Maddie from dance mom’s of this movie. She’s got a Maddie face, and it made it hard to think she had any emotion at all because she didn’t emote. Also white cats are more often than not deaf which the musical often shows as mute because Victoria has no solos. For her to speak was jarring. The speaking was jarring in general but most of the lines coming from her was off putting.

Her not being a jellicle outright ruined any agency she had in the movie. She had more say in things like Misto and Griz than she should have had. The solo she was given was petty and very very condescending to Griz.

She was a bad audience stand in because in trying to keep her original stage role they tried to mix it with this new plot role and it just did not work. And made you forget what they were doing with the plot because the plot was so contrived.

I don’t get why she had to have stripes and spots. She’s a solid white house cat, not some fucking snow leopard.

Misto: He was ruined. He has forced us to see his magic, then doubts himself when asked to use it. He is not confident in himself and a bumbling fool. In the stage production he is confident. The only thing he doesn’t understand is where his powers come from. This is seen wonderfully in the 1998 version where he looks at his hands as he is shooting sparks from them. His character was ruined.

Skimble: Like Munk nothing wrong. But we don’t see him interact with the regular chorus cats so it begs to wonder why is he even trying to show them anything. They don’t seem to know him. Their is no connection between the cats with songs named after them and the chorus aside from maybe Misto.

Tugger: He was not John Partridge. Just watch 98 cats and you will see what you are missing when it comes to who Tugger is.

Jenny-any-Dots: She was mischaracterized by Rebel as being fat, lazy, and old. Her character of being a respectable busy cat who seems lazy to her owners is assassinated. Like their is a reason Munk likes her but that reason is gone in the movie.

Old Deuteronomy: Judy Dench was bad. She couldn’t sing, and commanded no real authority or presence. Robbie could only do so much to give that to her. But she did nothing to earn it.

Admetus/Rumpus Cat: Sadly gone from this movie, though probably because Rumpus would have been more cartoonish than Macavity was and they were already hurting Eliot’s legacy enough. Also I’m not sure we could have handled the camp superhero of Rumpus Cat in this shit CGI.

Alonzo: Was he there? I don’t know. The chorus cats were all a singular blob that did not stand out and had not individuality and personality. He interacts with Munk alot but we didn’t see that.

Asparagus: Not present, granted he wouldn’t have been present anyways because Gus was only present for his number (and that awful barge seen) but in the 98 version and most stage versions he is the chorus version of Gus the Theater Cat. In 98 he is argued to be a son of Gus, or just a younger version of Gus. Because remember what I said in the stage production every cat is on stage for about 90% of the time.

Bombalurina: She’s apparently psychotic in this version. Which she’s not, but also in the stage version she’s not either. Instead of being someone who survived the influence of a less than pleasing purpose she is henchman number one. The Smee ( but more coordinated ) to Macavity’s Hook.

Bustopher Jones: Was decent. James was good, but he also missed the mark with his jokes and they didn’t land well. We saw a more realistic version of him instead of the show’s idealized version which I was fine with. But his lines were wooden and not good. Hence why this show should not have spoken lines.

Cassandra: Was apparently there? She looked purplish I think or maybe that was Demeter. I don’t know but she was rude, and more catty than show Cassandra. But we don’t really know who she is because beyond the Glamor Cat song she along with Demeter disappear into the background with cats that don’t matter.

Coricopat and Tantomile: Replaced with Plato and whatever the other philosopher was played by the Les Twins. They didn’t fit in. Shoving hip hop into cats has been proven to not work, hip hop tugger anyone? So why they tried again here, I don’t know. But they failed. We loose these lovely mystical twins, and get stuck with twins in converse? Like why? What brought on that costume choice, why did that slip through?

Demeter: Could be Cassandra. We don’t know. She’s just a mean girl and not a traumatized cat who is the first to think a sign of danger is Macavity. She was robbed of her duet cause t-swizzle needs all the fame. Munk doesn’t get his moments with her cause VICTORIA! Ugh.

Electra, Etcetera, Exotica: Were any of them there? The world may never know. The movie didn’t show us faces to put with names like the 98 version did. So if they were there who knows. You probably would have no seen or heard them since most solos they had were covered by like four other cats only. And the rest of the chorus cats was a brown grey blob because those are the only cat colors apparently.

Grizabella: We did not need to be told her back story. The song alludes to enough. Jennifer did great though. I just wish her moments were not in so much seclusion. It ruins her final song. We are robbed of young Griz in the opening number.

Gus: Ian did great. He was the right choice, the went a John Mills route. But his number dragged. Ian also didn’t have any connection to anyone in the cast. Like when Misto talks to him his reactions make it seem like he does not care who these cats are now. It makes him seem stuck up rather than reminiscent.

Jellylorum: Apparently was a kitten? Sigh. She is supposed to give Gus as a suggest and sing his song with him as a duet to kind of play off of each other. It gives the number some action and liveliness. Even with all the cuts, the number still dragged.

Jemima/Silabaub: First her name varies depending on where you are watching the stage show. Whatever she had was given to Victoria. Apparently this is because that cat was based of ALW’s wife. Which like fine, but like Hooper can you at least be more cohesive with your plot if you are going to cut a character out?

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: We see no real personality from them. Sorry but we don’t. We just see them scheming with each other because they are “evil.” We don’t get the story that the show or the 98 musical gives us. A moment i love from the 98 version is when Macavity does come Mungo ducks and covers his head with hands. It just shows that even Macavity’s own guys, cause Mungo is mentioned in the song not Rumple ( which leads me to think she came later or pulled him out of that ), but it shows just how scary Macavity is. And we don’t get that in the movie. In the movie we get them not knowing Macavity’s plan, which like what use are you then?

Plato: Commandeered by the Les Twins he is ruined. In the show he has a pas de deux with victoria and its a bit sexy and still gorgeous with the gorgeous famous overhead lift that the show is known for. He also doubles as Macavity cause again all the cats are on stage for about 90% of the musical save for a few.

Pouncival: Not there as far as I can tell. Which is a shame Pouncival is a cutie pie in the 98 version.

Tumblebrutus/Carbuckety: His name varies depending on what stage show you are watching. He is the one who tumbles alot. He may have been there, but because of the crappy cinematography whatever tumbling there was, we didn’t see.

Growltiger: Ruined to a poor attempt at a pirate on a toy boat barge.

Griddlebone: Ruined, and demeaned to a low lackey instead of a lavish cat who does with movie Macavity wishes he could.

Macavity: He became a cartoon villain as opposed to an actual threat. He wasn’t ginger, and his eyes were weird he was the only one with weird eyes. He wasn’t scary, any agency he had as a threat was ruined by shoving his badness in our face. They could have just had the cats disappear. Its like Tom Hooper saw a scary movie saw what made it scary, the unknown, and decided I’m not going to do that. Also any thing that would have shown his strenght is gone because hsi fight was taken away.

Any cat in the chorus is just a blob, or not CGIed. LOL. Part of this is because the cast does not interact with each other. In the stage production touch is important. Interpersonal relationships are important. We don’t get any of that. We are not used to touching and nuzzling thus when we see it is awkward. Not to mention the awkard rubbing noise we get when it does happen, it doesn’t help. The cast aside from the named cats, and munk have no personality, they fade into the back and its such a shame because each cat is so unique and different. Granted we wouldn’t know that since when they explain that in the stage show, they cut it out in the movie.

Technical Stuff

The first four songs are pretty much ruined because it takes just about that long to get accustomed to the strange CGI. The CGI is bad, I have seen better CGI cats in video games. Honestly I know makeup is time consuming, but it is cheaper than CGI. Better cats make up that isn’t just the theater makeup can be seen in Doctor Who. What made this CGI so jarring is the lack of noses and lips that looked like cats. We know via BTS pics that the actors wore make up. So why they couldn’t put noses on, or the line straught down to the mouth then curled up the ends of the mouth to give us a muzzle is beyond me. It looks like bad photoshop. I will never understand that decision.

I don’t care that dicks were CGIed out. That is not what made cats “sexy” in the first place. The dancing made it sexy. The CGI was equal to that of movies in the 90s and poorly made video games from the early 2000s.

From a film standpoint it was poorly shot. Tom Hooper does not know how to shoot dance. And it shows. He does so many swift cuts and pans that we don’t get a good view of what the choreography is.

We are too often forced to see things that are already obvious because of other tactics like shadows and voices. We do not need to see a cat disappearing via Macavity. We do not need to see so much yet our focus is taken from the group ruining whatever connection the group had to eachother and us the audience in order to show us bad dialogue and special effects to show capturing. I said it earlier its like Tom Hooper saw scary movies and said I wont do that I’m gonna do it like Tom and Jerry do, but that’s an insult to Tom and Jerry. Or he has never seen a horror movie in his life.

Their are far to many unnecessary scenes paired with jump cuts. We never get a sense of the group of cats as a whole because not only are they seperated from the only cats we know the names of, but we have to see where those cats are since we have to know they are in danger. No one knows of the thread, except like once, which is when Griz arrives. Its like the chorus doesn’t care, even though Hooper does his damndest to make sure we the audience care, but we don’t even our audience stand in doesn’t. These scenes are mainly Growltiger’s barge, and taking us out of the ballroom for Skimble’s number.

Now onto proportions. They are all over the place. A watch would strangle a cat, a ring would not fit around their wrist. They at some points can just reach a door knob, while at other parts barely reach a foot off the ground. The cockroaches and mice did not size down well. Skimble’s number had so many issues with size and cinematography which is a shame cause it was one of the best of the movie. The cats can walk on the tracks like with 3 feet on either side of their own. Yet we all know that is not correct. They look two inchest tall in comparison to the tracks. Yet we see them inside the train and they are like child sized. Then we have weird cuts to wide shots of the bridge which doesn’t help with proportion as one wide shot is so wide the cats nearly disappear. Another proportion issue was the stage in the ballroom it was a normal stage and they measured to it like a normal stage. The moon looked like something out of 1920s black and white film so was proportioned for a normal human, but the chandelier was big and felt oddly proportioned in the ballroom. Like it should not have been able to fit through the whole in the roof.

Tom Hooper did not know what he was doing with this movie. It is very clear he had no vision and did no know what the show was about hence why he had to push his new plot in while keeping everything the same so it seemed like hot garbage which is exactly what it was.

Tom does not know how to film dancing, and he has been notorious for cutting songs and such with Les Mis and he did it again. He cut songs, and then added a song which he did with Les Mis too. He messed up guys.

Back to the CGI for a minute besides the overall choice being bad because all the did could be done with practical makeup and would have looked better. It was poorly done. Their ar emoments when their is just color on the actor’s hands, when their is no color, when their is fur. Judi’s main is curled under her chin so it looks like a really bad fake beird. If you are in the background you may not be CGIed at all. There wer emoments where the connections did work such as feet on the ground, and Munkustrap helping Victoria off the car looked weird cause Victoria’s fur slid around but not with her body. And that is just a few things I noticed. The tails were good but like, it took away from the dancing.

Their was real awkward sound design. First of all the butchering of Andrews music to fit certain aspects like Tugger asking for the party to be turnt up. It was weird and didn’t fit. Additionally any moment where nuzzles or touches happened were awkwardly silent with a sound that sounds like the rubbing of a plasticky material together. None of which is helped by they never actually touch eachother because their is somoene blocking the camera. A show that has a character essentially scream “touch me” lacks touch one of the most basic cat interactions.

Breaking the fourth wall was jarring because it didn’t happen throughout. The 98 version gets away with it because they do it from the beginning. But this was weird. It was a poor choice, and an example of wanting to keep the original but it not coming across because of choices made prior.

Other Stuff and Random Thoughts

The movie was really confused at what it wanted to be. It wanted to have the original plot, but also this new plot which was forotten half way through and remembered again. Continuity was a huge issue with this movie. Victoria as audience stand in doesn’t work because the audience is addressed at the end. The jokes didn’t land. And the subtle jokes in the stage version are all but erased.

Cats would have never done well, even with an extended timeline and good CGI. If it was a perfect movie it would not have done well because it is Cats. Cats has never done well with critics. Its biggest fans are often children because they get the story because it is such a simple story. This movie forgot that, but also tried to make it easier to follow, but they failed cause it was confused.

This movie is a huge disservice to TS Eliot. Eliot did not want pussy cats, that is why he didn’t give the rights to Disney. It wasn’t that he didn’t want animated cats like in Aristocats. He didn’t want his cats to be like Tom from Tom and Jerry, which Macavity became more or less. Their were cartoon moments in the movie, and its a disservice to the Poet. Adding to his works with a new song is a disservice. Making the choreography so contrived because the new choreographer wants to show he has subtlties like Balanchine of Nutcracker fame was a disservice to Gillian Lynne.

The movie lost the vision of what cats is and was. It lost the vision of what a cat is because the cats did not act like cats. We never saw a true cat fight, or the cats interact with each other in ways that weren’t awkward. We never saw them being cats yet we are told that they are cause Judi told us so. They never acted like cats or moved like cats. Simple hand turning downwards instead of upwards, or bending of the legs, holding yourself a little differently that makes all the difference.

The move wasn’t aboslutely terrible, but it was pretty bad. I still think its garbage, and I don’t think its worthy of the title Cats because it was hardly that. A bigger budget does not mean cool CGI, and more shots, it means improve the basics to the very best. The Corridor Crew on Youtube say it best, if you can do it practically do it because it will always look better. This movie missed so many marks.

I say all this out of love because Cats is my favorite musical. But this movie failed. I wish it could be chosen to be reborn, but I’m afraid what we’d get. So I’ll stick with the stage production, if you can see a tour or any of the productions around the world do it. If not watch the 98 version, get the DVD because the one on youtube cuts out some good parts like Tugger playing bagpipes.

I wanted this movie to be good. I wanted to be proud to say I like Cats and I can’t unless I specify the stage version, because this version is not deserving of a like from me.

So I’ll repeat what I said at the beginning of this review, Cats 2019 is garbage that does not belong in the jellicle junkyard. Granted, no one from the 2019 movie or who has seen it would get that reference, but that’s okay. Us real fans know. We’re the true fans we get it. We will love this musical, but I say we cannot love this movie for so many reasons, and I hope I have laid out a few of my own.

#ooc: out of cats #cats 2019 #cats 2019 review #cats the musical

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thewoildis-yaerster · 5 years ago

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Abusus Non Tollit Usum

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five: Cats

Description: We get a closer look at the theatre nerds and Medda finds out about the plan.

Warnings: Mentions of fighting, swearing.

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“Who is Miss Medda, may I ask?” David questioned as the large group of students sped to a building that was disconnected from the high school. It was decently large, but it wasn’t as big as the school building.

“Spottie and I’s foster mom. Also, the drama teacher.” Jack answered.

“Call me ‘Spottie’ again and you won’t see tomorrow.” Spot spat out an empty threat.

“Ah, you love me.” They all skidded to a stop when they reached the doors. Jack tried to open them, but they were locked. He dug around in his pockets, only to pull them out empty-handed. “Hey, uh, Spot? Do you have your key?”

Said boy groaned and softly pushed Jack out of the way. “After that, you better be glad it’s more than just you and me. If it was just us, you’d be going in through the roof.” He pulled a key on a necklace out from under his shirt and unlocked a door, then held it open for everyone.

“It was just a joke!” Jack chuckled, his voice echoing through the large auditorium.

“’Thank you, Spot. Love you, Spot. You’re the best brother in the world, Spot. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Spot.’” Spot grumbled under his breath.

“Thank you, Spot. Love you, Spot. You’re the best boyfriend in the world, Spot. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Spot.” Race repeated Spot’s words and gave him a quick peck on the lips before following the line into the auditorium.

David hadn’t been in a theatre or an auditorium in such a long time. He did a few plays when he was younger, but he always got background roles because he couldn’t grasp the concept of acting. He always enjoyed it, though. He made so many friends and they were always like a huge family, but then his family had to move away and he never got back into it.

Everyone put their bags down in the back of the auditorium and moved to sit up front. After a few seconds, Buttons and Race jumped up at nearly the same time and dashed toward the stage. Buttons jumped and flipped onstage, whereas Race cartwheeled onstage. Romeo took off after them but disappeared backstage instead of staying up front. A few moments later, he came out brandishing a sword.

“Guys, look! It’s the sword I used in Romeo & Juliet in freshman year!” He shouted, pretending to stab Race with it. It was very reassuring to see them all in a better mood, but David knew the mood was going to be brought back down as soon as they told this “Miss Medda” the news.

Buttons gasped and ran backstage, then came back out wearing tap shoes. He also had a pair in his left hand and another in his right. “Tommy Boy! Specs! Mine still fit!”

Tommy Boy and Specs raced up to the stage and took the tap shoes, immediately shucking the ones on their feet and putting the others on. They began to perform a tap number in the middle of the stage, while Race and Romeo had a sword battle around them.

“Theatre nerds?” David leaned back and asked Katherine.

“Big time. Specs and Tommy Boy aren’t, though. They mainly participate in dance-centric shows. That number they’re doing right now is from Cats.” She responded with a smile on her face.

“You guys put on Cats?”

“Barely. We were in it when we were in middle school because hardly anyone in the high school wanted to do it. I played so many roles that it took me hours to scrub off all of the layers of paint they slapped on me in between songs. I know that dance, too, but my shoes probably don’t fit anymore.” She laughed.

“Oh gosh, wow.” David laughed as well. “Buttons seems to be really into Cats.”

“Oh, yeah. He’s always been into Cats. No one knows why, though. He won’t tell anyone. All he says is that it means a lot to him. He was begging Medda to let him audition long before she turned to the middle school students. He was ecstatic when she let him, but he cried when he got the part of Mr. Mistoffelees. That’s always been his dream role.”

“Who did you and the others play?” David had seen Cats once or twice in his lifetime.

“Ah, man, let’s see. I was Grizabella, Jennyanydots, and Skimbleshanks. Like I said, we were low on casting. Tommy Boy was Rumpelteazer. It was before he came out, but he enjoyed playing the role. Specs was Munkustrap. Race had multiple roles like me. He was Rum Tum Tugger, Mungojerrie, Rumpus Cat, and Macavity. I still don’t see how he pulled it off.”

“I’m just like Mungojerrie, Kath! A quick-change comedian!” Race shouted as he and Romeo fought across the rows of seats.

“You kids haven’t changed a bit!” A cheerful voice rang out through the auditorium.

“Miss Medda!” The theatre nerds (plus Jack, Spot, Specs, and Tommy Boy) exclaimed. They all dropped what they were doing and ran to her, hugging her at the same time.

“I’ve missed you all so much!” She hugged them all back and kissed them all on their foreheads.

“You see me and Jack every day, Mama Medda.” Spot had a genuine smile on his face.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you during the day! Now, as much as I enjoy seeing all of you, I don’t recall posting auditions yet, so there has to be a reason all of you are here. Is Snyder after you all again?” Her smile fell and she put her hands on her hips.

“Not this time, surprisingly. It’s Pulitzer.” Jack answered.

“Pulitzer is after you?”

“Not…necessarily. We tried to get him to let us have a GSA.”

“It didn’t go well, I take it.”

“He called us disgusting, vile, and sickening, then threatened to give us detention if we didn’t leave.” Albert got out of his seat and joined the others.

Medda gasped. “He can’t say that!”

“That’s what I said!” Finch exclaimed.

“Do I need to march up there right now and give him a piece of my mind? Because I will.” Medda didn’t wait for an answer. She started walking toward the doors, but the group of kids held her back.

“No, Ma, don’t. We have a plan.” Jack’s mischievous smile spread across his face. Medda smirked and raised an eyebrow in response, a look that told Jack to explain. “The leader of our little revolution can explain it better. Davey, c’mere.”

“Okay, whoa. I wouldn’t call myself the leader. I’d consider myself the Hamilton to your Washington, except I wouldn’t cheat on my partner.” David rose from his seat and walked up to the group.

“Ma, this is Davey. He’s the one I told you I met over the summer.”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, David! Jack’s told me so much about you.”

“Ma,” Jack whined.

“All good things, I hope. It’s nice to meet you, too, Miss Medda.”

“Oh, definitely. Almost all he did over the summer was talk about you.”

“Ma, please, stop.” Jack crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. David could’ve sworn he saw a light blush on his cheeks.

“Alright, alright. What’s the plan?” Medda laughed, then went dead serious in a matter of seconds. David outlined the plan and soon the entire group was gathered around Medda. “I believe you kids could pull it off, I do, but are you sure you’re all up for the task? We all know there are risks.” They all looked at each other, then back at Medda and nodded. “Well, you have my full support then. You know, I don’t think I have any pride items here, but there might be a rainbow-colored thing or two in the prop room.” They all gasped and took off backstage, but Medda made two of them stay behind. “Race, baby, you stay right there. Jack and I will be right back.” They exited the auditorium and stood outside. “Jack, do you like David?”

“…Yeah? He’s a pretty cool guy.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I…”

“You do, don’t you!?” Medda smiled brightly.

“I might! I don’t know!”

“Jack, you always get the goofiest grin on your face when you talk about him and let’s not pretend you don’t say his name in your sleep.”

“Oh my god, Ma. I’m going back inside.”

“Hey, we’ll talk about this more later. I’m not letting this go.”

“La, la, la, la, la. I’m not listening!”

“Send Racetrack out here!”

A few seconds later, Race came out of the back door with fear in his eyes. Before Medda could say anything, he began to ramble. “Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me? Is Spot mad at me? Did I accidentally say something wrong? Did I-”

“Honey, no. You didn’t do anything wrong. Here, sit down.” She sat down on the back doorsteps and patted the spot beside her. He sat down and waited for her to speak this time. “Now, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’m a bit worried. I’ve known you for a long enough time to know that something is wrong when you aren’t wearing eyeliner.”

“I didn’t get any sleep last night. I…I was worried about what Pulitzer would say.” He looked down and fiddled with his fingers in his lap.

“Are you sure?”

Race looked up at her and shook his head, his eyes glazed over with tears. Medda smiled sympathetically and held her arms open. He nearly threw himself into her arms and broke down. She rocked him back and forth and rubbed his back.

“They fought all night again, Miss Medda. It w-was bad. When I came out of my room, m-my Mama was gone and s-so was all of her stuff. My dad went off on a business trip today and he won’t be back until n-next week. I don’t know what I’m g-gonna do, Miss Medda. I don’t want to be alone.”

***

When the final bell rang, they all exited the prop room looking like a miniature pride parade. Romeo had gotten ahold of a rainbow boa, Elmer got her hands on fake rainbow eyelashes, and Crutchie had gotten into the glitter from the looks of himself and everyone else. Medda and Race came in from outside and he immediately ran to his boyfriend.

“Do you mind if I stay with you for a few days? Medda said I could, but I just want to make sure I’m not-”

“Of course you can stay with us, babe. You’re always welcome at Chateau Larkin.” Spot chuckled, then frowned. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just, uh…family issues. I’ll tell you later.”

“Alright. Hey, Jack! Race is staying with us!”

“Just don’t moan too loud! Sound from your room echoes in mine and I really don’t need to hear that!” Jack laughed while trying to pick a piece of glitter off of David’s face that was dangerously close to his eye. Spot laughed mockingly in response and started to leave the auditorium with Race.

“If you aren’t at the truck within five minutes after I get there, I’m leaving without you. I have shit to do.”

“You wouldn’t.” Jack gasped.

“Oh, I would,” Spot called over his shoulder.

“Would he?” David questioned.

“He would. He’s done it before. I’ve done it to him, too, though, so it’s alright.” Jack finally got the glitter away from David’s eye.

“If you don’t make it, I could drive you. I just have to pick my little brother up first.” David offered.

“Ah, I wouldn’t want to-”

“Nonsense. I already know what you’re going to say. If Spot’s gone, you’re riding with me. No ‘buts.’”

“Alright, jeez. You know, I’m kind of excited to meet your little brother. From what you’ve said about him, he sounds like a cool little guy.”

“You two are just alike, believe me. You’ll get along perfectly.”

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theimpossiblescheme · 4 years ago

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Oooo, interesting! Can we do 2 and 10 for Bombacass, and then 1. and 6. for Gus/his first mate (I can't quite remember what the name you gave her was because I am having a brain block XD) - please and thank you!

Oooooohhh, this is gonna be fun! Honestly, all of the subheadings start over at 1, so I could be confused... or I could just do all of them under each and share the love!

Let me tackle Bombacass first...

What was their first impression of each other?

Cassandra thought Bomba was pretty cool... not immediately remarkable, but pretty cool. Tugger never had a bad word to say about her, so she took his word for it. Meanwhile, Bomba was dead gone the first time she laid eyes on Cass--she was both the most beautiful and the most terrifying thing she’d ever seen. Of course, she never let it on and continued on her merry way, playing it cool and trying to lowkey contrive a situation where they might happen to bump into each other and strike up a conversation. Eventually it worked, and for a while they were just very good friends... until they weren’t. And that was that.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Technically, theirs was the first Jellicle Ball they attended together. They took every opportunity they could to dance, snuggled together during the Mating Dance for the new young couple of the night, and then snuck off to a remote corner of the Junkyard after the Ball for their own private dance.

What are their primary love languages?

Both of them thrive on physical touch--they could spend a long time just curled up with each other not having to say a word, and there are lots of little touches between them throughout the day. A little paw brush there, someone laying across the other’s lap or legs there...

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

That said, between the two of them, Bomba is a little more fond of verbal affection. She’ll shower Cass with compliments every chance she gets. Cass uses words of affirmation a little more sparingly--she prefers to affectionately tease her mate--but when she does, it means the absolute world.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

For a Human AU, their wedding would be The Event of the Year. They would both go all out--lavish decorations, gorgeous venue, wedding gowns so beautiful you could weep (and of course they spread the love to the bridesmaids, too, because Bomba is a generous bride). Everyone in the Tribe would attend (or Cass will hunt them down and demand to know why they aren’t coming), and a grand time would be had by all.

Who’s the better cook?

Cass. Don’t ever let Bomba into a kitchen--she would find a way to burn water. Of course she loves her mate’s cooking, and Cass will sometimes tease her that “I would teach you, but I’m not sure how well it would go over.”

And now for Gus and Andromeda!

How did they first meet?

Andromeda was brought into Gus’s little company as a last-minute understudy--their Mabel for The Pirates of Penzance came down with the most terrible cold, and they needed a queen who could learn all her songs withing a few days. Luckily, Andromeda struck up a surprisingly good rapport with the cast, including Gus, who would be playing Frederick opposite her.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Andromeda would agree wholeheartedly. Before Gus, she had never met anyone who felt so passionately about... well, everything, but especially performing, and even if they never became mates, it would be enough to sit and talk with him and know he understood her so well. As for Gus... he would hesitate. Not because he didn’t love her--of course he did, he loved her more than he could ever say. But “soulmate”, singular, implies that a cat can only have one their entire life. He did find love again a while after Andromeda’s death with a queen named Lila, and they were just as happy in the time they had together. If anyone asked him to choose between them, he would flatly refuse. They were both his soulmates, both wanted him to be happy, and he would never sacrifice either of them.

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Gus more or less initiated it, and he probably thought he was being sneakier about it than he was. After Pirates closed, he was afraid Andromeda was just going to leave, so he talked her into staying with the troupe. “Great leading ladies are hard to come by, you know...”

(She was never planning on leaving--she loved this cast too much. But she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want Gus to beg a little bit.)

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Since Andromeda had been kicked out of her human home after the couple had a new baby, she had no one to introduce Gus to. He more than made up for it, though--not only did his fellow actors adore her, but his mother Seraphina thought she was charming. “You are keeping this one, lad,” was what she said after Andromeda’s first visit.

Who said “I love you” first?

Andromeda did--it just slipped out of her during one of their conversations. It didn’t sink in what she’d really said until a few seconds later. And Gus, who hadn’t wanted to assume anything, could have burst into song right then and there.

Who’s the big and little spoon?

Gus was always the big spoon, especially when Andromeda was sick.

If they get married, who proposes?

Gus asked her to be his mate at the end of a rehearsal. He wasn’t even aware that not all of the other cast members had gone home yet--all he could hear was her “yes.”

Who worries the most?

They both worried in equal amounts about different things. When it came to the theater, Gus always worked himself up into a lather about dropped lines, missing props, rehearsals falling behind schedule, dead crowds... all the while Andromeda blithely insisted that everything would turn out fine. After they had Asparagus and Jellylorum, Andromeda was constantly fussing after them while Gus always said they were fine, they’re just little things, how much trouble could they get into?

(He changed his tune a bit after he was left to raise them himself--at times he could still Andromeda’s many “I told you so”s ringing in his ears.)

#asked and answered #ride-a-dromedary #cats the musical #bombalurina #cassandra #gus the theatre cat #OCs #I couldn't resist--I had to do all of them. XD #I need to do more with Bombacass and my girl Andromeda--I love them all so much... <3 #my headcanons

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toweroftickles · 3 years ago

Text

9 Lives Laughs:

Cats (2019) Tickle Fics

Ok, now hold on. Before you judge me....actually, no, I’ve got nothing.

@demifeather2002 requested a fic specifically about the character Munkustrap. I did that, but also...well, I’m pretty much the only other person in this community who loves this movie and these characters. So I figured, while I’ve got an excuse, I’ll come up with a few other short fics too; just scratch the itch, get it out of my system.

The Cast:

Victoria

Mr. Mistoffelees

Munkustrap

Mungojerrie & Rumpleteazer

Cassandra

Demeter

Jellylorum

Syllabub

Rum Tum Tugger

1. Loosen Up

Ever since that fateful Jellicle Ball, the Jellicle Cats had become much more liberated in their excursions through London. With Macavity having retreated to lick his wounds, his magic gone and his last chance at a better life lost, the crooked city streets had picked up a much more jubilant rhythm. The cats were no longer content to celebrate only once a year, on the night they made the Jellicle Choice. So the dilapidated Egyptian Theater, rather than the junkyard, became their permanent stomping grounds.

One evening, the Jellicles all milled about the theater in preparation for another elaborate dance. This was no mere talent competition; props and costumes were on the mend. Some trained in their dance, some painted, some sewed. It had been in the works for several weeks, and some were getting antsy.

The younger cats...Victoria, Misto, Jellylorum, and the like...relaxed nearby and eagerly watched the construction. Demeter tossed a peanut over to Victoria, who tried to catch it in her mouth before it bounced aggressively off of her nose.

As usual, Munkustrap took the lead in organizing and choreographing the event, and this occasionally wore on the other’s nerves. Not out of malice, no no. In spite of his generally welcoming nature, Munkustrap often prioritized order and structure above all else...every whisker perfectly straight, every step aligned, every coat of paint even, every trinket in its place. He gave off the air of someone who wasn’t sure their keys were REALLY in their pocket even though they’d checked multiple times.

A slow creak made his ears perk up and his brow furrow.

“Cassandra, I think you loosened that board,” he muttered.

Cassandra just rolled her eyes and planted her foot against the stage again. The squeak was barely more audible than a mouse.

“It’s fine. Ignore it,” she retorted.

“Old Deuteronomy’s coming to this,” he said firmly. “What if it gets worse during the show? Move off, let me see.”

He brushed Cassandra aside, practically shoving her off the stage. Her eyes widened and she slipped on her way down to the floor. She didn’t even try to hide her annoyed grunt from him. This was ridiculous. But whatever...he could obsess over his non-issue all he wanted. She crossed her arms and plopped down next to the spectators.

“He’s always so serious,” Demeter said.

“Heh...yeah. You sometimes wish he could lighten up for 20 seconds.” Syllabub, blunt as usual.

“You want to know a funny secret?” offered Cassandra. The kits tittered in anticipation. “Munkustrap’s ticklish.”

Victoria and Jellylorum had to stop themselves from giggling.

“Here, I’ll show you.”

Cassandra extended a long claw and noiselessly slunk over behind Munkustrap, who was still in deep examination of the floorboard. Looking back at the others with a wicked smirk, Cassandra poked their leader hard in the ribs, and he jumped nearly a foot in the air.

“Geh-AAAAAHHHH; Ahhhh!” the grey cat yelped.

The younger cats all giggled excitedly, especially the girls. Cassandra gave Munkustrap an almost flirtatious glance, noticing the extreme discomfort on his face.

“Don’t do that again,” he ordered. His hands instinctively covered his ribs.

Victoria, Jelly, and Demeter all crawled over toward him, their slinky bodies almost slithering up the side of the stage.

“Or what?” Cassandra retorted, prodding under Munkustrap’s arm. “Or what?”

Victoria didn’t know what came over her, but as she reached to pull herself up onto the stage floor, her fingertips fluttered on Munkustrap’s ankle. Demeter stood and poked above his hip.

“No. Get away from me; stop it,” Munkustrap’s voice got louder as he tried to retain his mask of composure. The incessant giggling of the girls around him rang terribly in his ears, his panic growing by the second. His lips parted into a nervous grimace, teeth locked together.

Before he knew it, Munkustrap was flat on his back, being relentlessly tickled all over by a flock of excitable kittens.

“G-HEH! S-stop, stop!” Munkustrap grunted. More than once, Cassandra had to press down against his shoulders to keep him from sliding away.

“Come on, get him! Get his feet!” Jellylorum giggled to Victoria as her fingers pawed at Munkustrap’s stomach. The white cat obeyed, grabbing his left foot with both hands, scratching and tickling playfully.

“Hhheh-Heh! Heheh! G-get off!” Munkustrap pressed his hand into Demeter’s chest, trying to push her off. “It tickles!”

“Ha! He admitted it!” Cassandra taunted. She was far less playful than the others, clearly relishing the opportunity to break down her superior’s stern image.

Unfortunately for Munkustrap, his blurted confession didn’t create sympathy. It just made the girls more eager.

Any work that had been going on in the Egyptian had since ground to a standstill, as the other Jellicles looked on, trying to hide their insubordinate laughter.

“NnnNNN...pfff...Heh Ha-Ha Ha! H-Heh! Heh-Heh Ha-Ha! N-no, don’t t-houch there!” Munkustrap’s strained laughter was frustrated, embarrassed, and delighted his ticklers.

Jellylorum pressed her fingertips hard into his liver and rubbed.

“Cootchie cootchie coo!” she giggled.

Victoria just smiled as she scratched his toes. Demeter squeezed his ribs, and Cassandra tickled under his arms. It was at this point he could no longer pretend, and Munkustrap burst out laughing.

“Heh-HEH! Ha-Ha Ha-Ha Ha! Please, no more, Haha-Ha!”

Jennyanydots, lazily dozing off in the corner, was cackling more than anyone else. Rum Tum Tugger got a few chuckles in too. It was hard to believe they were really seeing Munkustrap like this, helpless and squirming like a little kid.

Suddenly, the door to the theater groaned on its rusty hinge.

The limbs and tails stopped flailing. The girls stopped tickling, Munkustrap stopped laughing, and all of them looked toward the entrance.

Old Deuteronomy, in her long cream coat, was slowly shuffling in. She had a weary smile on her face, but didn’t appear to have noticed anything unusual. Her eyes were far away, perhaps lost in one of her 99 lives.

“Hello, children. Having fun, are we?” she inquired.

Munkustrap coughed nervously and all the cats rose to their feet, scattering themselves about the theater.

“Mhm, yes, yes, everything’s in preparation,” her acolyte told her, half under his breath.

Cassandra and Demeter cast knowing winks at each other and silently snickered. As soon as the Jellicle Leader moved to sit down, Munkustrap glared back at the girls with white-hot intensity. His furious stare could have bored holes into their skulls.

But if he thought that would make them regret their actions...or never try them again...he was mistaken.

2. Nobody Shyer

With his newfound fortitude, Mr. Mistoffelees branched out into more and more ambitious tricks. Not all were successful, of course...he once accidentally teleported a fish inside Gus’ stomach, and that was an incredibly awkward evening...but he was more eager than ever. He usually practiced alone, but occasionally some of the others joined him on the floor in front of the Egyptian stage to watch.

One day, he thought he would try something he’d never before attempted: escape artistry. He sat in a small wooden chair, built for his size, and Victoria, Jellylorum, Demeter, and Syllabub all helpfully bound each of his limbs to the wood.

“You sure this is a good idea?” Jelly laughed.

“Why not? I can get out,” he responded with a smile.

He could not, in fact, get out. He wasn’t phasing through the ropes properly, and his eager helpers had accidentally tied his knots too tight.

“Oops. Looks like you did too good a job,” Syllabub teased, sprawled out on the stage and peering over the edge at him. The girls all laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get your scissors!” Victoria offered, along with an encouraging smile.

“Could you? I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it.”

With that, she sauntered off, leaving her boyfriend uncomfortably tied to the chair.

“Hurry up, Victoria; he’s got all of us here to keep him company!” Demeter laughed. It made Misto blush, how friendly the girls had gotten with him since he rescued Deuteronomy.

He nervously strummed his fingers along the seat of his chair.

“Hey, are you ticklish?” Jellylorum suddenly asked, poking him in the side.

“No,” he blurted out nervously, jumping and squirming away from her.

“Oh, you are ticklish...” Demeter giggled, as she crawled toward him and deviously wiggled her fingers. Jelly followed suit.

“Really; I’m not,” Misto insisted. But his wide eyes and the shakiness in his voice betrayed him. He attempted to scoot his chair backwards, but it wouldn’t move nearly fast enough to escape. Syllabub had joined the others in slowly approaching Misto with gleeful giggles and spidery fingers.

“Ooo, this one’s cute when he’s nervous,” she taunted.

“Tickle tickle tickle!” teased Jellylorum.

He squirmed to avoid the girls’ claws, which kept gently brushing his stomach, but a few nervous laughs broke out of him.

“AaaAAAaaa...ah...no...no, please don’t, please don’t...”

——————

The storeroom in the back of the theater was more worn down than the rest...its wood more eaten away, its paint more chipped. But it was spacious and became a prime location to store props and tools for their shows.

“Hmmm...where did you go...” Victoria muttered to herself. Then, out of the corner of her eye...ah, there it was. Behind a stack of dice. Using her tail to gingerly tip the other toys aside, Victoria slowly pulled the scissors from the shelf and left.

——————

Mistoffelees’ chair had fallen back and laid at a 45-degree angle, propped against the lip of the theater’s stage. His top hat was askew and almost off entirely. And there near his bound ankles sat Demeter, on his right, and Jellylorum, on his left. The two girls were giggling, had firm grips on his feet, and were tickling him gleefully. Syllabub rested atop the stage, laughing, and occasionally reached down to poke Misto’s stomach. His head was thrown back, and he was nearly out of breath.

“Ha...Haha-Ha! *gasp* Heh! St-hop, stop, please, stop!” Misto laughed. Giggling, Jellylorum reached up underneath his jacket and gave a few firm squeezes on his ticklish ribs, before returning back down to his foot. “Heh! Haha!” Misto struggled and struggled but couldn’t free himself from the chair.

From around the corner, the white cat traipsed back into the theater, both surprised and highly amused by what she saw.

“Victoria, you don’t mind that we’re playing with your boy toy, do you?” Demeter asked, continually poking beneath his toes. By this point Syllabub’s sharp claws were dancing around Misto’s neck and ribs.

“Heheh-Haha...*gasp* Haha! *gasp* Let g-ho! Let go!”

Victoria giggled. She couldn’t help but kneel down and playfully tickle Misto’s foot in a spot that Jellylorum hadn’t claimed yet, before finally moving to free his left wrist.

“No, don’t let him go! We’re having fun!” Jelly protested and gripped Victoria by the waist.

“AH-Hnhn!” Victoria squealed and buckled over from the sudden tickle attack. She went submissive on the floor almost without realizing it, Jellylorum’s ungraceful fingers skittering all over her belly.

“N-ho! No no no no no!” Victoria giggled. Her flailing foot slid against Jellylorum’s stomach, and the tabby laughed loudly.

Soon, it was a full-on tickle brawl, and all four of the Jellicle girls were laughing and wrestling all around the floor, with no regard to Mistoffelees.

Thankfully the scissors were already in the room...Misto may have occasionally slipped in teleporting himself, but levitation was no bother. While the girls tussled in a giggling heap, he managed to snip his own bonds and finally stood from the chair.

“Ta-daaaa!” he cried triumphantly, still mostly out of breath and laughing.

The girls stopped their tickle fight and turned to look at the magician, and excitedly clapped and cheered for him.

So, perhaps not the result he planned. But, in a roundabout way, his miraculous escape was successful.

3. Typical Flirting

Many girls over the years ventured into Rum Tum Tugger’s personal love nest. Sure, it was basically a fancily-decorated trash can, but it was comfortable, they had bubbly champagne, which cats can drink apparently, and Bustopher Jones only crashed-landed his fat ass in there about once a week.

As Jellylorum popped a cork with her teeth, Tugger wrapped his arm around Demeter’s shoulder, and glided his other hand down her stomach and her thigh.

“AH! Heheh-Heh! T-hugger, stop it!” Demeter giggled and playfully slapped him on the shoulder.

“Ow, ha-ha! So, you girls wanna play games, huh?” Tugged laughed.

“Nnnnnooooo...” giggled Jelly and Demeter, knowing full well the depths of their dishonesty. The two snuggled up together and tried to shuffle back against the cylindrical walls of their hovel. Raising one eyebrow in a flirtatious smirk, Tugged reached and began to poke and tickle both girls’ stomachs with all ten fingers.

“Haha-HAA, Ha-Ha Ha-Ha Ha! Eee! *gasp* Haha-Haha!” Jellylorum laughed and giggled wildly as she squirmed around in Demeter’s arms. Embarrassed, she moved to cover her eyes but didn’t have much wiggle room. She was very excited...she loved to be played with and get her tummy rubbed.

“Heheh-Hee! Hnhn! Ha-Ha Ha-Ha!” Demeter herself could barely contain the laughter. Her fist pounded into Jelly’s shoulder. Despite protestations, they were clearly enjoying themselves.

This kept up for a few more moments until the girls announced that they could no longer stand the tickling, and they were positive bundles of energy, the laughs having given way to excited and flirty purring.

Never let it be said, despite their reactions, that cats don’t sometimes like to get their bellies scratched.

4. Incontestable Proof

Mr. Mistoffelees, thanks to Victoria, always had a lovable assistant to help him with his magic. His confidence had been boosted tremendously, but he still occasionally succumbed to stage fright, and Victoria was invaluable in helping with this too. During a show at the Egyptian, the white cat crawled into a long box, with her head, hands, and her feet sticking out. She wiggled her toes as the lid closed. She was excited; she’d never been cut in half before.

“And, with a...a simple tap of these scissors...” the magician orated nervously.

Misto picked up a pair he had taken from his human family, rapped the box with them, and with a flourish and a “Presto!” pulled it in half. There was no trickery needed...with his gift for real magic, he had indeed split Victoria in two. She gasped and giggled at the strange sensation. The cats in the audience dutifully mewed and clapped their hands.

“How does that feel?” Misto asked her.

“It’s so odd, I feel weightless!”

Misto quickly glanced between the Jellicles and his girlfriend.

“And...and now, ladies and gentleman...” he produced a bouquet from his left sleeve... “You can see...there’s no...no trick! This is, indeed, my same assistant!” Still glancing into the crowd, Misto wiggled the magenta flowers, and the petals brushed against Victoria’s bare soles with a swishing sound. A big grin stretched across the cute kitty’s face.

“AH! Hn-Hn!” Victoria giggled and covered her eyes with her hand. “*gasp*! Heh-Heh Heh-Heh! Oh no, please, dohon’t!”

The cats in the audience all chuckled too. Even Munkustrap cracked a smile. Misto couldn’t stop himself from grinning as he eventually pulled the flowers away from Victoria’s feet. (He tickled her a little longer than he should have.)

“Hn-Hn Hn! Hnhn!” she giggled, still squirming.

Misto eagerly put her two halves back together, and the show continued. The trick had worked! As he lifted the box’s lid and reached down inside to pull Victoria up, his fingers grazed her waist, and she involuntarily got the giggles again.

The rest of the show went off without a hitch, and thankfully for the audience, the conjuring cat was all to eager to hold another.

5. Cat’s Paws

Victoria sat on the edge of the Egyptian stage, with her left leg dangling down. She picked the petals from a flower and swayed her foot back and forth in the air, watching Mr. Mistoffelees gather up a few of his magic tricks from the ground in front of her.

Absentmindedly, she reached out with her leg and traced her big toe down Mistoffelees’ back. He retracted into a tight little ball and pulled away.

“Heha! Haha! Hey!” he chuckled at her. Grinning sweetly, Victoria extended her leg again and kept wiggling her toes on his left side.

“Heh! Wh-hat are you doing? That tickles!”

By this point Victoria was laughing just as much as Misto. She eagerly leaned forward and grabbed her boy from behind with both of her legs, squeezing with her flexible ballerina feet as her toes pressed into his ribs and hips. Misto was doubled over on his knees, laughing and giggling, and he struggled to push Victoria’s feet away. He tried snapping his arms to his sides, but her nimble toes just found other spots to tickle him.

This, however, just made her vulnerable. Lifting his fluffy black tail, Misto brushed the bottom of Victoria’s foot with its tip, and she yelped and pulled her leg back. Finally, Misto managed to squirm forward and out of her grip, and he giggled with excitement.

Now this wasn’t an attack Mr. Mistoffelees could simply take lying down! He turned on his heel, straightened his top hat, and glanced at his girlfriend, who playfully waved in mock innocence. Wearing a bigger and bigger smile, Misto quickly reached out to pinch Victoria’s tummy and sides. The white cat squeaked, giggled, kicked, and squirmed in her boyfriend’s grip, unable to wriggle free, until he got so close to her that their foreheads touched.

Misto couldn’t help but notice that Victoria was blushing. His mischievous tail danced around with a mind of its own; it slowly traced a path up her belly, up her neck, beneath her chin, along her cheek. She grinned and twisted her head to escape the playful tickling, but only half-heartedly…she seemed to be enjoying herself.

As he finally stopped, the two gently nuzzled their necks, and Misto kissed Victoria’s cheek. With a wave of his wand, they vanished together.

6. Interrogation

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had been on a particularly vicious pranking streak lately, long past the point where it was tolerably “cute.” Gluing Mistoffelees’ magic show props to the underside of a sink, placing an automatic pepper spray canister in Jennyanydots’ box of cockroaches, tricking a dog into hiding in one of Bustopher’s trash cans....it was a mess.

But they saved their best for last, and had a brilliant idea to top all others...something they had in reserve for Old Deuteronomy. There was just one problem.

They had no idea where she lived. No one did.

Well...nobody except her second-in-command.

How Munkustrap found himself in a small burlap sack and dragged back to the house of the two calicos’ human owners, he was unsure. How they managed to tie his wrists behind him and to their humans’ bedpost so fast that he couldn’t fight them off, he was also unsure. But there Deuteronomy’s first mate was, sitting on the carpet and utterly trapped.

“Hey there, Munk. Sorry about all this, but we had just one question and then you can go,” Mungojerrie announced with a flourish of his wrist.

“Where’s Old Deut live? You mind telling us? We’re dying to visit,” added Rumpleteazer.

His look of disgust was well-noticed.

“That’s what this is about?! This nonsense with you two has gone on long enough. It’s one matter to mess with us, another with her. I’m here to protect her, and that includes from you two.”

The rambunctious pair crossed their arms and puzzled with pouted lips. Mungo tapped his upper arm. There was an awkward silence as Munkustrap glanced back and forth between the two...none of the three were quite sure what to do at this point.

Suddenly, a light bulb seemed to pop on behind Rumpleteazer’s eyes. She turned her head with a sly smile, covering her mouth to prevent lip-reading, and whispered into her partner’s ear. His facial expression gradually went from confusion to bored curiosity, and he shrugged, seemingly in approval of whatever she’d said. Rumple giggled excitedly and ran out of the room.

Still more awkward silence. If the universe could have coughed, it would have. Mungo scratched uncomfortably behind his ear.

“So, um...you hear about the match last night?” he asked.

Munkustrap’s eyelids lowered, as if to say “are you $&*#^€? kidding me.”

Thankfully, it wasn’t long before Rumpleteazer emerged from the home’s auspicious bathroom, carrying with her a large toothbrush. It was a bit oversized even by the standards of the humans who lived there; it was quite cumbersome for her to carry and the brush part was easily larger than Munkustrap’s hand. But their intended victim seemed more confused and slightly disturbed than threatened.

“What do you plan to do, beat me with it? You’re foolish children. Old Deuteronomy is the reason for my life. Yours too.”

Rumpleteazer raised an eyebrow, rather unamused. But what she did next shocked him.

Spinning her chosen instrument around like a spear, she thrust it forward and vigorously began to brush his stomach as if she were brushing teeth.

“Gahhhh!! Wh-what are you doing?!” Munkustrap yelled at a rather surprising volume.

“Kiiiiiiiiitchie-kitchiekitchiekitchiekitchie....” Rumple-teazed him. (Yeah yeah, shut up; you knew that pun was coming.)

The soft bristles gently scraped - brish brish brish - back and forth across his belly. Munkustrap trembled against the bed frame, gritting his teeth fiercely, as Rumple kept taunting him with her girlish giggling.

“Kitchiekitchiekitchiekitchie! Kitchakitchakitchakitchakitcha...”

“GkkkkkHa-Ha Ha-Ha Ha-Ha! Ha-Ha Ha! St-hop! Stop it, Ha-Ha Ha-Ha!” Munkustrap finally broke down in angry laughter. The massive (from his point of view, at least) toothbrush tickled his tummy with precise, measured rhythm, seemingly never slowing down.

“Ha-Ha Ha-Ha Ha! Gk-Heh! Heh-Ha Ha, Haha!”

Mungojerrie couldn’t help but crack a wicked smile and chuckle to himself.

——————

Much to his eternal embarrassment, Munkustrap ended up talking. Once Rumpleteazer brought out a second toothbrush, it was over.

The calicos bound his wrists...he was too exhausted to fight back...and they dropped him in the junkyard, just where they found him.

“Here you go then. Thanks for all the help, Munky. Really generous of you!” Rumpleteazer called back as the two turned tail to leave.

“...wait,” the grey cat sighed.

They looked back at him.

“...I’d really appreciate it if you decided to not tell Old Deuteronomy about this.”

(cue laugh track, fade out)

“Cats” is performed in front of a live studio audience.

7. Quite A Splash

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had recently taken up residence in the junkyard that was no longer occupied by the rest of the Jellicles and made their base in a broken-down car. Without Macavity crawling around, their brand petty thievery thrived like a fungus. The car was stuffed to the windows with broken knick-knacks and jewelry that the troublesome twosome had swiped from all over London.

Though Victoria knew better than to trust the calicos, curiosity got the better of her, and she couldn’t resist the temptation to go on a night out with them.

As the trio wandered toward the junkyard entrance and their vehicular hidey-hole, a bright yellow light turned the street corner nearby and nearly blinded them.

“Car,” declared Mungojerrie casually. He and his partner in crime were across the street and hiding in two seconds flat.

But the nervous Victoria couldn’t reach the calicos’ hovel in time. The passing car drove full-speed straight through a puddle, and Victoria was absolutely drenched.

The stunned girl just stood there with wide glassy eyes and mouth agape, dripping wet, her ears back in submission. She looked so pitiful and sad, but in all frankness, it was actually kind of adorable.

“Ooo, sorry about that, girlie,” Teazer said in a sarcastic tone as she appeared from behind a trash can.

“Here, let’s fix that,” Mungo reassured her.

The thieves grabbed Victoria off the street and lifted her up into their car before she could protest. Not wasting a moment, the two rambunctiously began to scrub her dry with a set of large hand towels that happened to be crammed in the glove compartment...stolen from a wealthy local, of course.

“Oh!” Victoria exclaimed at the sudden brush of thick cloth down her legs. “Nnngg...I hate being wet. Thank you...” she mumbled shyly. She sat down on the front seat as the two calicos rubbed her down.

“‘Ow’s zat stupid song go? ‘Jellicles wash behind their ears...’” recited Mungo, who dutifully wiped the matted hair in that spot.

“Ah!” Victoria yelped.

Her right ankle was suddenly grabbed and held out straight in front of her by the mocking Rumpleteazer, who continued...

“Yeah, yeah...‘Jellicles dry between their toes...’”

She bunched up the towel into a tight point and rubbed on the ball of Victoria’s foot.

“Oh no...AH! Hihih-Hih! Hihih!” A big grin appeared on the white cat’s face and she giggled excitedly...she was quite ticklish there.

“Oh, hold still, love,” Rumple laughed.

“Hihihih! N-ho...noho, please don’t tickle me!” Victoria giggled. Mungo’s fingers aggressively caressed her sides and belly through the washcloth, while Teazer worked on drying her other foot, and the backs of her thighs. Victoria blushed and squirmed in their grip and tried so hard to hold in her sweetly musical laughter, but it was no use.

Soon the white cat was dry, fur askew and thoroughly embarrassed, and back to the rambling cobblestone thoroughfare.

8. To Steal Milk

A loud creaking sound from outside the window stirred Mungojerrie from his early-morning nap.

Something was up.

His ears twitched. There was the unmissable hum of a rattling vehicle...small, barely enough for one person.

His human family’s living room wasn’t the largest, so dashing over to the couch to peer out the window wasn’t exactly difficult.

And there it was, right on schedule.

“Oi! Rumple! Milkman’s chatting with the old lady across the street; we’ve got two minutes!” Mungo called out. But as he turned to look at his mate he saw that she was still conked out across her cat bed.

“Hey!”

He ran to her side and spent a good ten seconds aggressively throttling her.

“Hey! Get up! Get up!” Mungojerrie encouraged, frustrated. But Rumpleteazer just snored loudly and hugged her pillow. Sighing, Mungo cracked his knuckles.

“Alright. Didn’t wanna have to do this.”

He firmly gripped her tummy from behind with all ten fingers and forcefully probed her sides.

“Pffff; Heheh-HAAA, Hihih-Hihih Hih! EEE! Hihih-Hihih Heehee-Heehee! *snort* Ok I’m up I’m up I’m up!” Teazer giggled hysterically.

Still annoyed, Mungojerrie swatted her across the forehead. His partner licked her hand and scratched behind her ear, and the two were soon out the door.

9. Confessions

“I don’t know. Some of you lot all love it, but I hate having my ears rubbed,” Cassandra grumbled over a glass of milk.

“It always made me sort of sleepy,” Demeter offered.

“Oh, I don’t know...it’s so soothing and relaxing, but it also kind of tickles,” Victoria grinned, taking a sip of her own.

“Well, you’re really ticklish,” laughed Syllabub in reply, and she reached out her hand uninvited and grabbed the flap of Victoria’s right ear, in between her thumb and forefinger. Before the white cat could object, Sylla began to rub. “What about this; does this tickle?”

Victoria’s head rolled around, and she closed her eyes and smiled in serene contentedness.

“Mmmmm, Hmhm-Hm! Hm! A l-hittle, Hng! Mmm...” Victoria giggled through her lips and flashed a dazzling grin. She was practically melting into a puddle in front of them. Her tail flicked back and forth and squirmed in delight. Eyes still shut, she let out a long, gentle sigh, occasionally stopping to squeak or push Sylla’s hand away.

“Yeah, see? That. I don’t understand that,” continued Cassandra.

“Well that’s because you have nobody to love you.”

Syllabub soon found herself face-down in a cracked saucer.

——————————————————-

So, yeah. Probably not doing this again.

Also, I don’t care how weird or bad you think this movie is; look at this smile and just try to tell me that Victoria isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

She deserves to be hugged and cuddled and tickled til she’s a giggly mess and you will not change my mind.

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