#propose to me in a national forest

[tllgrrl]

Okay.

I’ve always said that I’m not a romantic, but this made a gahtdamn liar out of me.

‘Until my last breath I am yours’

‘I could never have imagined this, but it could only ever have been you’

[blackynsupremacy]

WHEN I THINK OF YOU

ooh, baby

anytime my world gets crazy

all i have to do to calm it

is just think of you

pairing: nicholas a. chavez x black!fem!reader

part two: a glamorous life series

read part one

summary: it’s the year 1987 and you’re an heiress of one of the most affluent african-american families in the nation. you’re still reeling from the double date with cooper, valerie, and nicholas. that night when he confronted you changed something within you. you can’t seem to get him off of your mind, so you try to occupy yourself with studying and writing new compositions to ease your wandering thoughts. that is until you’re required to attend, present, and perform at a networking gala of the elite with your parents. their immense pressure of high expectations only builds up within you and you run to a secluded garden to find some sort of peace, only for nicholas to stumble upon you in your panicked state.

contains: eighties au, songfic, luxury vibes, enemies to lovers, slow burn, mention of wet dreams, swearing, alcohol consumption, slight mutual pining, reader can be a bit toxic, character development, angst, anxiety, hurt/comfort, heart to heart between nick and reader, reader’s parents are a trip, insecurity, fluff.

taglist: @sabrinasopposite @supaprettyg @xoxoglittergossip @tryingtograspctrl @ellethespaceunicorn @stereotypicalbarbie @hnch33rios @jkr820 @simply-the-best23 @camiesully @elitesanjisimp @gxuxhdjdu @afrogirl3005 @rosiestalez

a/n: likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! if you want to be added to the taglist let me know!

“ugh, damnit. that’s shit!”

you let out an aggravated groan as you’ve needed to go back to square one on this presentation. your finger repeatedly hitting the “backspace” button of your macintosh keyboard. you’ve been playing around with the new program titled “powerpoint” that had been freshly released by microsoft. your teeth sunk into your pouty, bottom lip as you were seated in the mini office you created of the luxury penthouse apartment that wasn’t far from your university. the large glass window reflected the golden hues of the sunny afternoon as the skyscrapers mingled with the clouds and a few airplanes flew overhead. a forest green fountain ink pen was being flicked back and forth between your fidgeting fingers. you frantically bounced your knees, your crossed legs clenching tighter with each of tick of the clock on the wall. there was a tingle deep within your stomach, both a mix of pain and pleasure. the pain was from the pressure of tomorrow night’s networking gala. all of the top families, including yours and valerie’s, were supposed to be in attendance. this wasn’t just any gala where you dress to the nine’s, get your photos captured, and rub elbows with the crème de la crème. this was the type of gala to get your name and/or business circulating as the future of whatever brand your parents dominated throughout the room. this included surgeons, politicians, lawyers, and corporate executives. there was going to be presentations, business proposals, and of course entertainment all demonstrated by the young, ambitious, and wealthy. you look at it more like a dog show. a bunch of hot shit loaded parents that love to compare and contrast each other’s children like they were the diamond rings or cuban imported cigars they purchased on the regular. not only did you have to present a fresh and new business proposal for l/n technological enterprises, but you also had to perform some pieces for the guests on the grand piano, all to show that you were “well-rounded”.

as the heiress of one of the few affluent african american families in your area, a lot of eyes would be on you that night, especially the scrutinizing gaze of your own father, f/n l/n, the current ceo of l/n technological enterprises. your family’s reputation held an immense value to him. you were the only child he and your mother had, so he didn’t cut corners when it came to how you were raised. he ensured you attended the top schools, learned the vocabulary of l/n enterprises, and that you took an extracurricular that gave you an air of elegance, beauty, and grace. that’s how you were introduced to the grand piano. despite the repetitive practicing of scales, chords, and arpeggios by the strictest of piano instructors, you’ve actually grown to love the instrument and performing altogether. the bottom line was that you were gonna be the face of the l/n line of business by any means necessary. you father explained that their eyes would be on you because they expected nothing, but failure from a young, black woman coming up in the corporate world. it was a fucking shame. the society as you knew it was constantly changing and there were still people who were so stuck in their ways due to the culture of over twenty years ago. you felt like that you shouldn’t have to prove your worth to those prejudiced critics, but at the same time, you want to show them that you can do what they do and do it better. regardless of race or sex.

although, you had that stinging anxiety, there was another thing bubbling in your stomach: a rush of excitement. not really towards the event itself, but towards him. the only man you could think about without recoiling in disgust. the only man that you’d ever want to give a shot in this lifetime: nicholas alexander chavez. the thoughts of him kept racing through your mind as you remember that fateful night when you two first met. let’s just say you didn’t really welcome him with open arms as he attempted to do for you. you were just so fed up from the past that you believed all of the men within your social standing were cocky, narcissistic, and materialistic bastards that insist a woman puts out on the first date, but refuses to let her finish first and still, they claim to be top of the food chain. nicholas chavez does come from a bloodline of wealthy, successful lawyers, but the more you think about it, he was an open minded down-to-earth individual that valued integrity and earned respect rather than buying it off others like a typical yuppie asshole. speaking of assholes, you were one-hundred percent in that area towards him during that evening out on the town. this man was gracious enough to give you chance after chance to redeem yourself, but you kept going with your vicious attitude and devious scheme to bring out the worst in him. you pushed that button so far that he rightfully confronted you on your brash behavior, publicly at that. after he did so, you hated him less and desired him even more once your mood turned around. after apologizing, you two had a great time for the rest of the night and you assumed that after he’d drop you off that he would keep in touch. a twinge of hurt hit your chest each day when you look at your telephone with expectancy. you were hoping that he’d search the phone book or the call the operator to reach your line but, there was no word from nicholas.

you’d given him the benefit of the doubt. perhaps he was busy with his studies, spending time with family, or hanging out with cooper or his other friends. you couldn’t blame him for not wanting to keep in touch because you were being an asshole. you were reluctant to try to seek out for him, but with the this deadline of the gala, you were swamped with even more stress. you were determined of one thing though: that the next time you’d see nicholas chavez, you were going to show him the natural good side of you that he should’ve seen the first time you’ve met. you’re not necessarily a terrible human being. you have flaws, of course, your bitterness just got the best of you that night. you were going to be cordial and collected, yet still direct and outspoken. those enchanting thoughts of nicholas haunted you throughout the week. they didn’t cease when you found yourself daydreaming, or maybe even hallucinating that he was even here in your apartment. you could be doing the most mundane tasks and hear his voice teasingly whisper your name, the ghost of his kiss lingering on your skin, or you’d envision his strikingly handsome face whenever you slept. his burly arms would snake around your waist, holding you up so close within the shield of his body as if you were to be taken from him for good. he’d never allow that to happen. when primping yourself in the mirror, your heart would instantly flutter at the thought of him telling you how beautiful looked, whether you wore makeup or not.

it went from bad to worse when after a long day of studying and shopping with valerie, you treated yourself to a candlelit bubble bath. your nude, exhausted body soaked within the white sud-filled, rose scented water. your brown eyes shut tightly and your breath hitched within your chest. you envisioned nicholas’ tall, sculpted, and nude body loom over yours from behind. his large, tanned palm would smoothly glide along the melanated skin of your bare neck, chest, and navel. the cold metal of the rings he’d possessed on some of his fingers would send goosebumps with every touch as they slid further and further until finally reaching to where you wanted—no, needed him the most. nicholas would be smart enough to tell if it’s been a long time since you’ve been intimately served properly. a smug little grin would play upon his lips when he got straight to business. before you could hear him call you a good girl for taking it all so well, your body jolted awake when you almost drowned in your bathtub due to a fucking wet dream. such a dumb way to die. fuck, fuck, fuck! nicholas’ effect on you was serious.

“i don’t know. i-it’s just when things get crazy, i can’t help, but to think about him i—ugh, it’s not fucking funny, valerie!” you frustratingly shout, chucking one of your satin pillows at your best friend. valerie was in stitches, hysterically laughing on your satin duvet after you told her about the thoughts you’ve been having about her new boyfriend’s best friend. it was now the afternoon before the gala and everything you needed to prepare and practice for was finally completed. you had a few short hours to yourself until valerie stopped by your apartment. she was there at first to inform you of the news that she and cooper koch were officially an item after they ventured out on a couple more dates. they were keeping it lowkey from the public to avoid any drama until it was the right time. as her best friend, you were happy for her! you gave her a warm embrace, signifying your congratulations. it was all happy and what-not before you switched the subject of the conversation to nicholas chavez.

“oh—but it is, haha! if him getting you together in the restaurant wasn’t funny enough, this takes the cake.” valerie squealed out. she catches and hugs the pillow against her chest and sits herself upright with her legs crossed. you huff out a breath with a perturbed look on your face before valerie continues to speak,

“i told you that you were gonna be into nicholas, but damn, girl! you’re already fantasizing about him like that?—you got it bad.”

“heh.” you scoff, shaking your head with your arms crossed, “you know what’s the most fucked up part of it, valerie?”

“dish.” she urges, her eyes not pulling away from you.

“i’ve never heard from him since the date.”

“you mean—he hasn’t called? you don’t think he’s checked the phone book?”

you shook your head.

“not even the operator?”

“nope.” you reply with a pop of your lips.

“that’s odd, y/n. i thought that after you apologized, that you two hit it off for the rest of the night.”

“that’s what i’m saying! it’s confusing as hell.”

“maybe it’s possible karma? i mean, you were a bit of a—”

“bitch, if you finish that sentence, i will throw you out quicker than flo jo.”

valerie raises her hands up in surrender with a chuckle.

“well, shit! okay—look, you just gotta be patient. you know that nicholas is a busy college student like us, right? plus, he’s just a guy, so don’t sweat it, y/n. you’ve already got enough on your plate with this gala tonight.” valerie stated, standing from her position to approach you with a comforting hand on your tense shoulder. after taking a drawn out breath, you deliberately nod and lean your head on valerie’s shoulder.

“you’re right, val. i’m just ready to get this dog show over with. you know how my father gets if i don’t meet his standard of excellence.” with a roll of your eyes, you take a step away from her. for the rest of her brief visit, you both continue to converse about the possible logistics of tonight’s event over a light snack of raspberry sorbet at the bar in your kitchen. you both bursted out in a cacophony of laughter after valerie dished out some juicy socialite gossip. there was a beat of silence and valerie took a stab at breaking the ice one final time.

“you know, y/n, a little birdie told me that the chavez family would be in attendance tonight…” she trailed off to wash out her now empty glass. you stayed silent and send her a piqued, yet irked glare.

“what the hell does the chavez family got to do with me?—that little birdie wouldn’t happen to be your precious koch boy, would it?”

“mm-mm.” she murmured with a shrug. “just make sure you look extra fine tonight, okay?”

you squint your eyes, sliding more sorbet into your mouth. her and cooper are really a match made in heaven: rich, beautiful, and meddling brats.

“you cryptic bitch. you bug me out so much, you make me want to do a line. with my luck, nicholas would avoid me like the plague.” you dryly spoke as you stood up from your seat to clean out your own glass. you and valerie share another moment of laughter and she takes her leave to get ready for the gala. when finally alone, you promptly make your way to your walk-in closet. this closet was your sanctuary that contained the finest brands of clothes, shoes, and accessories of your era. you walk a few feet in, and your eyes land on the sleek, black strapless maxi dress with a bit of a low-cut in the front. it was simple, sexy, and most of all, elegant. your mother got it specially ordered and exclusively designed for you for this night alone. despite her being an overbearing tight-ass sometimes, you’d appreciate gestures like this. plus, that woman had an eye for fashion. before performing your hygienic routine, you call up your beauty team, mack and lori, to ease the burden of hair and makeup. you don’t usually mind performing your own beauty routine regularly, but this was one of those nights when it was crucial to look and be the best. once they gave you their confirmation, you use the next few hours to pamper your body in the best of your soaps, lotions, and perfumes. from face to feet, every part of your melanin was cleaned, polished, and glowing. as if timing weren’t perfect enough, mack and lori buzzed in. you enthusiastically give them access to come up to your place and they begin to work their cosmetic magic on your natural features. during the process, you all got caught up in amicable chatter, juicy gossip, and wise-cracking.

it was nearing fifteen minutes until the event started. you were clad in the elegant black number you’ve chosen. the dress embraced every single curve and dip of your figure as it effortlessly cascaded down to the floor. your arms were adorned by a set of matching opera gloves as your neck with the eighteen-karat, silver chained, diamond tennis necklace. lori made up your face with her god-gifted hands as she went for the neutral base with a sultry smokey eye, and topping it off with a bold, ruby lip. mack had hooked your hair all the way up with a farrah fawcett type blowout, making your natural hair fluffy, wavy, light, and bouncy. with a thousand thank you’s, you paid them both handsomely for their services before you strutted into the limousine your parents sent in front of your place. when you entered the vehicle, you were somewhat relieved that they didn’t ride with you this time. the last thing you needed was your father’s perfectionistic lecture about your work/school life and your mother’s nagging about your personal life for the umpteenth time. during the quiet ride, you exchanged some friendly small talk with the driver and went over some important mental notes for this daunting task of a presentation. you were feeling that pain of anxiety within your stomach again, but it’s dissolved by the memory of nicholas’ focused eye contact when he kissed your hand the other night. that thought alone gave you a sense of relief, yet longing. what if valerie was right? if the chavez family were to be in attendance, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you bumped into nicholas. in his presence, would you be a little stammering fool? perhaps a kind, sophisticated young socialite? maybe even a raging, spoiled brat that was pissed that he didn’t even bother to call you over the past week? anywho, you’ve got bigger fish to fry when the limousine finally pulls up to the valet station of the golden-lit venue where the gala was being held. here goes something.

after the driver politely escorts you out of the vehicle, the clicking of your heels resound as your feet hit the pavement. there was no time to gaze at the shimmering golden lights of the venue. there was no time to speculate who’s who and who they’re wearing this evening. hell, there wasn’t even time to think. you needed to focus on the goal at hand: check in, find your parents, and get this shit over with. two fine dressed middle-aged women sat at the check-in table. they briefly eye your figure in awe as you approach them before they ask for your name.

“l/n. y/n l/n.” you straightforwardly uttered, your eyes darted everywhere for any glimpse of your parents. the women nod, confirming your name on the extensive guest list. you courtly nod and mutter a soft “thank you” before you hastily turned around only to clash with a tall, burly figure. you’d figured that with the combination of the impact and the height of your heels, you were surely going to fall flat on your face in front of all these people, but, oh so gracefully, both of the stranger’s arms managed to prevent the incident.

“you need to be more careful next time. i’d hate to see you get hurt.” your ears instantly perk up at the sound of his familiar voice. his arms kept you steady as you held yourself upright to make sure that you weren’t hallucinating again. the tempo of your heart rate increased when your brown eyes locked with his. nicholas’ gaze softened from concern to instant realization once he registered that it was indeed you, y/n l/n, the eccentric best friend of cooper’s new girlfriend, valerie hill. he was actually trying to locate cooper for them to be seated, but fate had other plans of having you two cross paths again. after your first encounter, you were certainly a woman he couldn’t forget about even if he tried. a pleasant grin, more like a simper curved on his pink lips causing your face to rise with the heat of embarrassment.

“long time, no see, y/n. it’s definitely a pleasure to see you again.” he greets with his large hands still grasping onto your forearms. you thanked the stars for the opera gloves or he’d be sure to feel the goosebumps rise on your skin. with a nervous chuckle, you slowly pulled out of his grip to smooth your dress out. you didn’t want to give the paparazzi, or worse, your parents the wrong idea. you promptly composed yourself.

“i guess it isn’t so bad to see you again, nicholas.” you mentioned, in a saucy manner. your stomach flipped again when you hear a chuckle escape from the male in front of you.

“some things i like about you that isn’t so bad is your consistency of your fluent sarcasm—and that you look captivating as always.” he teases all while bashfully stuffing his hands in his pockets. you thought that you were hallucinating again because there’s no way in hell that you witnessed his cheeks flutter with crimson in your presence.

“captivating, huh? if you really thought that about me, you would’ve at least tried to call, nicholas.” you argued, with crossed arms under your chest.

“y/n, i—” nicholas was promptly cut off by the sound of another male voice that held much more weight than his own calling your name. nicholas observed as your face shifted from irritated to an expression of dread as you let out a sigh of lament. nicholas could’ve sworn that you were a hell of an actress from how quickly your facial expressions changed again when you turned around to cordially greet the older man that strode in your direction. he saw him on the news, interviews, and press conferences. this man was none other than your father, f/n l/n. the muscles of your shoulders tense under his palm.

“hello, father.” you meekly utter with a nod of your head.

“come now, y/n. it’s time we find our table, your mother is waiting and there’s certainly no time for irrelevant chatter. you’ve had all day to engage in the like.” his baritone voice commanded with a monotonous, cold tone.

“yes, sir.” you complied without another word to nicholas and started to follow after your dad before his voice halted you both.

“uh, mr. l/n, sir. i hope you don’t think me rude. i’m nicholas alexander chavez, my father’s the founder of one of the top law firms in the nation. it’s nice to meet you. i, uh, happen to be a friend of your daughter’s, who i believe would excel as the future of your brand.” nicholas holds out his steady hand for which your father shakes briefly.

“likewise, mr. chavez. i look forward to connecting with you and your family in the near future, but we must get going.” your father politely urges before his grip shifts from your shoulder to your wrist to subtly haul you away from nicholas to the table reserved for your family and the close associates of the business. you sit in between your parents as dinner is about to be served. you dare not to forget the etiquette that’s been installed in you as you focus on engaging in polite, business conversation more than indulging in each course of food. great. now you were flustered, frustrated, humiliated, and hungry. while your mother was droning about the dress you were wearing, your hand reached to sip on the wine that was served. you peered down then up again to see those familiar coffee eyes that’s been haunting your fantasies all week peering back into yours as he simultaneously takes a sip from his own drink at the table adjacent to yours. nicholas was accompanied by what seemed to be his parents and about three siblings. you were still thinking about how he sort of stood up for you in front of your dad. it wasn’t as assertive as when he did it with you, but he could obviously tell that you were uncomfortable in your father’s presence. you found it to be quite noble after you were about to rip into him again.

the emcee’s finger taps the mic thrice before his voice reverberates throughout the room causing everyone to fall silent. he announces the program order that’s listed on the bulletin. fuck, you didn’t even get a glimpse of it. out of the corner of your eye, you see that you’re the very last to present and perform. it was utter bullshit, but it bought you some time to mentally compose yourself—or freak out. the first presenter was the son of a politician and his views on what the environment could look like in thirty years if certain things didn’t change. as he went into his ten-point plan, you gazed over to nicholas who appeared to be interested in what the yuppie had to say. taking this opportunity to ogle him, he was fitted in a two-piece black giorgio armani suit and tie. you’d know that suit from anywhere because you got the same one for your father on his birthday. nicholas looked very handsome and lawyer-ish. you even notice the outline of his jacked build underneath the layers. his chocolate tresses fell naturally upon his head , giving you the urge to know what it feels like when ruffled, pushed back,—or pulled on. your crossed thighs instinctively clenched and you chided yourself for having those thoughts of him again. it doesn’t help that he’s in the same room and sitting a couple feet away.

throughout the next few presentations, your focus is shifting all over the damn place. from the presenter, to nicholas, and to your own mental notes. that pit within your stomach would hurt then dissolve within seconds, it was making you a bit lightheaded and you needed some air. only three more people were presenting before you, so you leaned over to your mother and whispered that you had to be excused to the restroom. she gives you a quick once over to say “hurry up!” and you do so without question. you weren’t really going to the bathroom though, what a lot of people didn’t know was that this venue had a staircase that led to a secluded garden. this was your sacred little spot for the last two galas you’ve attended. fortunately it’s in the same direction of the restrooms, but instead of making a right, you keep journeying all the way down the golden corridors until you see the concrete staircase surrounded by the white marble railing. your hands grasp onto your dress, so you won’t fall as you descend onto each step to find the streaming stone fountain. you let out a breath that you’ve been holding and take your seat on the edge. all of the muscles within your body loosen at the sound of the bubbling waterfall, the sight of the pale moonlit sky, and the sweet scents of the array of flora and fauna fill your senses. your dark, watery eyes peer down at your own weary reflection that was then joined by the concerned reflection of none other than nicholas chavez. you could’ve sworn you were hallucinating again, but once your head turned to debunk your theory, you hastily stood up with a frightened yet angry expression etched on your face. why is he always in every corner of your life? sometimes you wish you’d never cross paths with nicholas chavez, but why were you a bit relieved at his presence?

“nicholas? what the in hell—what are you doing here? did you follow me? i swear to god if you told my father—” you accused, your voice raising a bit before he cut you off by placing one of his hands on your shoulder and a finger against your lip, so that you wouldn’t draw attention.

“shh, shh. when you keep your voice down, i’ll be happy to explain everything, so unless you want someone to find us, you’d do as i say. are we clear, y/n?” he whispered with a hint of urgency, but you could still hear that dominating tone from your last encounter. just like he put you under a spell, you deliberately nodded and he took his finger from your lip along with his hand away from your shoulder. god, how you already missed his touch. there was beat of silence before he softly spoke again,

“i happened to look over to your table to just—see if you were alright after what happened with your old man. i’ve actually looked over there a couple times, but i saw you leave, so i told my dad that i had to use the restroom and that’s when i saw you leave down the hall, down the stairs, and here we are in this garden.” nicholas concluded as his eyes took a brief perusal of the place.

“it looked like you wanted to get away.” he confirmed as you watched him saunter past you to sit beside your empty space on the fountain’s edge. he loosened his tie at the top before leaning over to rest his elbows upon his knees.

“yeah—i did.” you try your best to not let yourself crack under pressure in front of him.

“if you’re comfortable enough, would you want to sit, so you could talk it out?” his questioned with such a soft, coaxing voice. it was like you were under a spell again and his sincere, tawny gaze didn’t pull away as he watched you slowly roam towards the edge and sit in your previous position beside him. no one else besides valerie had really given you the chance to speak out about the true feelings you’ve been bottling up and so you did. nicholas attentively listened as you spoke about how frightened you were of failing the empire that your family worked so hard for. you were grateful for all the luxuries provided, but it was the pressure to be this perfect daughter that was getting to your head, you felt like you were going crazy.

“i’m not even sure that i’m cut out to be the next ceo, nicholas. let alone do this goddamn presentation because everyone is expecting me to royally fuck up. i—huh?” your word vomit ceased when a pillow soft handkerchief touched your skin. with a light hand, nicholas gingerly dabbed away the tears that fell on your face. you sniffled and whispered a soft praise of gratitude for the gesture. nicholas plants the cloth within your hands before concealing them with his own.

“hey, look at me.”

you did as you were told, it was now your turn to do the listening.

“remember what i said to your father earlier? that wasn’t just to ease the tension. i meant what i said about you back there.”

you just sat there stunned as you stared at the man before you while your brain registered his statement. the skin of your cheeks heated when you see that reassuring simper on his face.

“so now you know that it’s not everyone who’s expecting you to fail. you’ve been raised in this life, so who the hell can tell you that weren’t cut out for this? they’re only putting pressure on something they know will come out with greatness and greatness is in your blood, so— fuck ‘em!” he exclaims, a beaming smile grows on his face when you erupted in giggles.

“it’s good to hear you laugh.” nicholas stated, he peers at you with sincerity and his hand lightly brushed a piece of your hair from your face.

“did i say that you looked beautiful tonight?” he teased with that smug face.

“hey! don’t try to get fresh, chavez.” you playfully retort, thanking him anyway before your chuckles fill the air again. the wings of your heart rapidly flutter, but they’re instantly clipped during mid-flight. it made you feel so damn guilty that nicholas took time away from his family, hell from networking to go and find you moping in a garden. you had to let him know this one thing before you two depart from each other,

“nicholas, i apologize.” you confessed. your eyes were still damp as they locked with his baffled, furrowed face.

“i’m not following, y/n. what are you apologizing for?”

“i’m sorry for being such a horrible person towards you. nicholas, all you’ve ever done is be a gentleman to me. hell, you even tried to make me seem like i’m worth a damn to my father…” you trail off, to look up into the sky not letting a single teardrop fall again. you were sure that the handkerchief you received was pure egyptian cotton and you didn’t want to ruin it any further.

“heh…and all i did was give you shit about not calling me. it’s so petty.” you dryly scoff at yourself and shake your head.

right, it stung him a bit in the gut once you’ve mentioned it. he was going to make sure tonight that you got an honest explanation on why that didn’t occur,

“y/n, the reason i—”

you interrupted him by standing up hastily. you realized that so much time had passed and that it was getting close to announce your presentation. fuck! you wanted to hear what nicholas had to say.

“nicholas! i gotta go. my presentation will start soon.”

“shit! right. i’ll let you go in first and i’ll come in a little bit afterwards.” he affirmed and stood up after you.

before you take a another step up the staircase, you look down at the ivory cloth in your hand. fortunately, you brought your gucci black clutch outside with you. you reach a gloved hand inside to retrieve your trusty, green fountain pen. nicholas stood there confused as to why you hadn’t made haste towards the venue. you were quickly writing something on the cloth. once you’ve stamped it with the red marked kiss of your lipstick, you scurried to him and placed the folded handkerchief within his palms.

“you’re gonna need this more than i do, you big softie. thank you for everything.” you utter one last time before you quickly venture up the stairs with a new air of confidence for when you give your all during your presentation. you were going to show those motherfucking critics what you and your family were capable of. all thanks to the thought of him.

nicholas’ gaze lingered on your figure as you disappeared up the stairs and into the hallway. as he waited to appropriately arrive back to the gala, he peered down at the folded cloth. his fingers gingerly unravel it to reveal the graceful and precise calligraphy of your phone number. his heart raced within his chest when he caught a glimpse of your lovely stamp. his thumb glided along the ruby mark of a truce where your lips touched. oh, if he could feel your lips on his just this once, but he knew that with you, this thing between you had to simmer or you’d both would horribly burn. anywho, the first step was to definitely call you afterwards to give his congratulations, an explanation, and possibly more, whenever you’re ready.

[pcttrailsidereader]

Oh Yes!?...Oh No!?

I can recall two among many images walking the Pacific Crest Trail. One of those is the vast clearcut landscape near Snoqualmie Pass back in 1981 and walking through miles and miles of burnt out forests in California in 2018 and 2019. Seeing these impacts in person have never left me. In the middle of that range of years the Forest Service put into place the Northwest Forest Plan. The plan was enacted in 1994 and included 24 million acres across federal land. The intent was to preserve mature and old-growth forests and protect species, including the marbled murrelet, salmon and the northern spotted owl.

The Biden administration has begun a process to update the plan. This update would address changes that include the loss of nearly 7% of protected old-growth forest within the plan area because of wildfire. The loss has eliminated gains of old growth that were achieved during the first 25 years of the plan.

Existing Northwest Forest Plan area

The Forest Service wants to issue a final environmental impact statement (EIS) on the proposed amendments in 2025, under the imminent Trump administration. What the impact of that will be are not totally clear.

Wildfire in old growth forests is sure to increase due to climate change and a long history of fire suppression that has added to forest density and fuels throughout the plan area. The plan area impacts forests from the Canadian border south to just north of San Francisco...encompassing large parts of the PCT.

The public has until March 17 to comment on the Forest Services draft EIS on proposed amendments. Some potential positives in the draft amendments include long overdue tribal co-stewardship in implementing managment practices, along with other reforms to enhance the relationship between tribes and the national forests on their ancestral lands. Tribes were not consulted back in 1994 when the original NW Forest Plan was put into place.

The proposed changes would also greatly increase logging, burning and thinning within the national forests in the plan areas. For the past three decades trees 80-120 years old in national forests west of the Cascades within the plan area, including Olympic (not along the PCT), Mount Baker-Snoqualmie and Gifford Pinchot national forests have been off limits to logging. Under the proposed changes these areas would be open to logging for restoration and economic benefits to rural communities.

Within this expansive area are trees that are nearly 200 years old. These giants could also be logged for the purpose of ecological restoration. Trees older than 200 years would be off limits to logging in most circumstances.

Forests east of the Cascades in the plan area would also be open for burning, mechanical thinning and cutting for both restoration and to provide jobs for timber workers and mills. The volunteer federal advisory committee that included scientists, tribes, and academics had a goal in mind when they drafted the amendments. The amendments east and west of the Cascades are meant to create more economic opportunity for rural communities while making forests more resilient to increased fires frequency and severity of those fires.

Whether or not economics, fire/forest management are the key drivers in the proposed amendments is open to discussion. We know that fire is natural in forests. The goal of the amendment appears to also bring fire back where it has been suppressed and to tame risk by removing fuel where forest have gotten too dense. Differentiating between moist and dry forest types and young and old forests, with more logging recommended in younger and drier forests.

Ryan Talbot, Pacific Northwest conservation advocate for Wild Earth Guardians, suggests that fire is being used to justify more cutting. He says, "Fire is kind of being used a means to do more logging with a lot of code words like restoration and resiliency." Public meetings on the plan amendments outlined in the draft EIS begin in January. The Forest Service has published a calendar of meeting times and locations, links to webinars, tips on how to comment and a draft EIS (DEIS) document library in its most recent newsletter about the plan amendment.

Your thoughts and feelings about the amendment are important. If you have walked anywhere in the west, including the PCT, you have witnessed the effects of logging and fire. With each hiking season on the PCT being more and more impacted by climate change and subsequent fires is reason enough to weigh in on the DEIS. We hope you will consider adding your voice. The images of vast clearcuts and greyed out acre upon acre of burnt forest land has never left my memory. For the short time we are here on the planet maybe we can influence the life of forests along the PCT long after we have hiked our last mile and taken our final breath leaving a thriving landscape for those coming behind us.

[thedeviltohisangel]

All The Things I Did (Interlude): The One Thing I've Been Wanting

a/n: wow oh wow i think you guys are going to love this one. another mini novel featuring all the emotions and filth you could ever ask for. john and cass have their formal wedding in south carolina that he always promised her they would. a few little easter eggs in there i hope you guys want to scream at me about. hope you all enjoy, happy reading and love you endlessly!

warning: smut

In May 1946, almost one year to the day that John Egan hung an American flag in the middle of Germany, he was sat in a plush hotel room in Charleston, South Carolina looking at a photo of himself in a smattering of local newspapers and even The New York Times. Locally it was the front page, nationally a column right in the economics section. The headlines ranged from proclamations of a fairytale come true to rumors on how the match would affect the valuation of the Cooper empire. 

He liked the picture they had all chosen though. It was from a photocall Mrs. Cooper had insisted they do just last week. Cass had worn a beautiful forest green skirt and white silk blouse, her smile perfectly measured across her face. There had been a bit of commotion over what John should wear. He wasn’t set to pin on Lieutenant Colonel until June and the communications team had proposed stalling the wedding until his new rank could be proudly displayed in the photographs. Might I politely remind you he is already my husband. If you make me wait one second longer to appease people with this party you will not enjoy the sight was how Cass chose to handle it. In this setting, one completely new and foreign to the boy from Manitowoc, he was entirely reliant on her to guide him.

In the final image, she was looking at the camera but he was looking at her. It was fitting. He was merely a planet orbiting around her sun. He looked stricken by her beauty and nothing could have been closer to the truth.

“Come in,” he called at the knock on the door. He folded the paper and tossed it onto the coffee table. 

“You about ready to get out there? Don’t want Spook thinking you ran away.” Gale clicked the door closed and stood watching his friend. “You’re nervous.” It was a statement rather than a question. 

“I don’t know why. I’ve been married to her for almost three years. Today is just a societal formality.” Marrying in secret in London was not how women like Cass were supposed to carry themselves, according to her mother. If no one was there to see it then they wouldn’t believe it. “Just…what if something changes?”

“What if something changes? Bucky, you two are still going to be the same people tonight as you were this morning. You’re still going to love the wits out of that girl just like she loves the wits out of you.” John stood and started to pace around the room.

“I know that. I know how I feel and how she feels won’t change but it’s now so formal. And there’s an audience and my wedding is in The Times, Buck, the goddamn Times!” 

“The photo did look wonderful,” Gale pointed out as he nodded towards the papers on the table. “Your wife doesn’t need all this if you don’t want it, John. I am pretty certain that girl would run away with you to a farm out West if you asked her to.”

“No,” he shook his head, “all of this is good to be sure she is always provided for. When we have kids, they won’t want for anything.” Wealth like this was almost unmoveable during the Depression. John had been in college for the worst of it. Had seen the toll it took on his family and the people around them. Cass and he could make sure their kids never had to worry about that. 

“When and not if, huh?”

“Buck, you of all people should know we aren’t exactly celibate.” Gale didn’t need the reminder. All too often he had found himself pleading for a moment of respite with the two of them. It didn’t matter when or where, he would run out of fingers and toes trying to count the sanctified places those two had breached. “She’s going to be the best mother.” 

“And you’re going to be the best father.” John and Cass had spent the past year filling in all the blanks their time apart had forced upon them. They had gone to Wyoming for Gale and Marge’s wedding and not a single incident had occurred. It was as if John had never gotten on a plane to avenge Gale that day. They were so in love they talked about having a baby in nine months, talked about the perfect house to raise them in. Talked about names and nursery colors. 

But then they had gone to visit his family in Wisconsin. And something had snapped. All the anger they had hidden from each other in the name of surviving the cold German winter had bubbled to the surface viciously. All the anger he had harbored towards her for putting herself in danger would not lay dormant any longer. Anger that every night when he closed his eyes he had prayed to keep his wife safe, that John could take any pain as long as she was spared, and she had negated it all without a thought. Anger that she had wasted almost two years of her life running herself ragged to maintain their relationship and he had been able to do nothing in return. Anger that no matter the horrors he had inflicted upon people, the horrors of Stalag Luft that kept him up at night, the horrors of not knowing who you were looking at in the mirror, that she didn’t find someone better.

“Buck, I’m sorry you weren’t there the first time Cass and I did this. But I am happy you’re here for this one. I couldn’t ask for a better best man.” John pulled him into a hug, clapping his back a few times. 

“I only agreed to see you cry when you get a glimpse of her.” 

“Yeah? You’ve seen her?” She had put him under strict orders that he was not to see her the morning of their wedding. Had even made John sleep by himself. He was missing her desperately at this point. 

“She said the dress was a family heirloom. You didn’t manage to sneak out a parachute?” John blushed and looked at his feet. 

“You’ll make fun of me if I tell you.” He had. They had just agreed to save it for a more special occasion. 

“Not on your wedding day.”

“Cass had the idea that it might make a nice christening gown one day.” Wait until Marge hears how John Egan has gone all domestic on us Gale thought with a smile. “Did she get the gift I left for her?” It was a silver locket, the date and a note that simply said I love you and his name on the back, a photo of the two of them in Wyoming neatly placed inside. 

“It’s her something new,” Gale answered. Her dress was something old, her mother’s diamond headband something borrowed and she had taken the time to stitch her favorite line from Blue Skies inside her skirt in blue thread. Gale cleared his throat. “She told me to pass along that you would get your gift from her…tonight.” All the girls had giggled furiously when Cass had asked him to pass along the message. There couldn’t have been a better man for the job.

“I think her asking you to tell me that is a gift all in itself, Buck.”

----

Cass was sat in front of the vanity mirror, admiring how her new necklace looked with a smile. She had already married John, had been through more life with him than any other couple she knew, but the prospect of the day still had butterflies in her stomach. It was the kind of day that flitted across her dreams as she had grown up. Wondering what kind of dress she would wear. What the ring on her hand would look like. Who would be waiting for her at the end of the aisle. Never before would she have pictured a man like John Egan but now not a day went by where she didn’t think of him and was waiting for both of them at the end of that aisle. 

“Ma’am, all the guest have been seated and Major Egan is making his way to the altar in-”

“I’d like to see him.” Maybe that was what she needed to calm her nerves. Some needed whiskey or cigarettes but she just needed John. “He doesn’t need to see me, I just need to see him.”

And that was how, on his way to walk down the aisle, he was dragged into a room and told to sit patiently while the woman in charge of ensuring this entire wedding went off without a hitch, tied black fabric over his eyes. 

“Is this really necessary?” he asked once his vision was completely obscured. 

“Yes. Mrs. Egan requested it.” Gale sighed as the woman used Cass’ new last name. It always opened the door to something unscrupulous. 

“Mrs. Egan,” John repeated with a wicked grin. “Mrs. Cassandra Ann Egan. My wife.” He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he had asked Cass to write her new name for him just so he could relish in how it looked. How naturally her wrist and fingers moved to draft the letters. It was spectacularly wonderful and he was addicted. 

“Gale? Is he successfully blinded yet?” Cass was getting impatient on the other side of the bedroom door. She could hear her husband and she could feel him. It was like torture not being able to see him or touch him. 

“Spook?” John got up and turned in the direction of her voice, his shins colliding with a coffee table almost instantly. “Motherfucker!” 

“I’m giving you two…” Gale ran through the numbers in his head. He had seen the feral acts the two of them were capable of committing in less than five minutes. Anything more than thirty seconds seemed like they would be consummating a marriage that hadn’t happened yet. “Forget it. You two wouldn’t listen to me anyways. Just remember your parents are right outside!” Gale escorted the planner out and shut the door behind him, a stillness settling over the suite.

“Cass, baby, they’re gone. Can I take this-”

“Absolutely not!” Her voice was no longer muffled as she opened the door and took in the sight of him. Her beautiful, handsome man. Hers and hers alone. The man she had fought for and lived for and loved every day no matter how treacherous. “We have done absolutely nothing the traditional way. Let me have this, please?” John never was too good at denying her anything.

“Fine, then let me have a kiss at least.” Cass gathered her skirt with a small giggle as he stood there awaiting her with his arms open. She pecked him quickly and he leaned forward in a chase for more. “I’m dying, Cass. You didn’t let me see you after dinner last night and now you’re right here in front of me and I can just tell you look heaven sent and now you want to tease me?”

“I’m just so happy right now, Johnny.” Now that name only fell from her lips when the emotions in her chest were too much to even say his name. Whether she was sad or angry or blinded by happiness. He had gotten so used to hearing John that anything different locked him in on a dime. 

“I’m happy, too. Get to marry you all over again.” He felt a little better when her hands rested on his chest, his wrapping around her waist and pulling her as close as he could. His palms could feel lace until her hips and then silk. Maybe a bow at the top of her skirt. “I love you, Cass. Making things grandly official today won’t change anything about us. We’ll still sing as loud as we can in the car and share ice cream on the beach and count stars when we can’t fall asleep.” Her soul warmed when he said the exact words she had needed to hear, not knowing how John had ached with the need to say them. 

“Those sound like the vows you should be saving for later.” 

“I can think of a thousand ways to vow to love you forever, don’t you worry.” She indulged him in a proper kiss then, careful not to mess his perfectly coiffed curls and John restraining himself from tearing at the buttons going up her spine. Everything felt heightened, John unable to anticipate her next move with the fabric covering his eyes.

“What did I do to deserve you?” she asked softly as she knocked her nose against his. “You are so beautiful, inside and out, and intellectual and selfless and meet all my weaknesses with strength...”

“Sounds like a soulmate,” he whispered. “I can’t wait to do forever with you.” 

“We deserve it, my love.”

----

John held his breath as he waited at the altar, all eyes on him as everyone waited for the orchestra to begin playing as a signal of Cass’ arrival. He fiddled with the front of his jacket, ensuring it was straight and smooth, smiling when he caught Olivia and Jill giggling at him from their spots across from him. 

“Your sister is trying to kill me with anticipation,” he whisper-yelled. 

“She’ll make it worth your time, Major,” Olivia teased. Buck clapped John on the shoulders just as the first notes of the Bridal Chorus began to sing through the grove of Spanish Moss trees. 

“Here we go,” Gale said lovingly. Everyone stood and John breathed deeply as Cass’ niece, Jessie, slowly walked down the aisle with a shy grin, tossing rose petals as she did. Her brother Sammy was next to her, two silver rings on a plush pillow in his grip. John squatted down to be at their level as they approached.

“Thank you, princess. You look so pretty.” Jessie threw her arms around him as best she could.

“Thank you, Uncle John.” She ran off to take her seat by her father just as she’d been instructed to at the rehearsal. 

“Sir.” Sammy summoned all seven years of stature he had in him to stand at attention. 

“At ease, Sammy,” John chuckled. The young boy had fancied himself a future soldier. Had been amazed when he found out John was a real pilot just like in his comic books. “My best man, Major Cleven, is going to take those rings and keep them very safe.” Gale took them gently and locked them into his breast pocket. 

“Good work, Sammy.” Buck saluted him with a smile and the little boy was off in the same direction as his sister. John stood to his full height and squared his shoulders, his eyes sharpening their focus on the ornate wooden doors that hid his love from his sight. 

And when they opened. 

And when she lifted her veiled face to look at him, finally. 

And when their eyes met and their smiles matched and the tears welled in his eyes…

Everything felt right in the world. 

Cass kept her eyes on him as she held her fathers arm down the aisle. She had to slip her bottom lip between her teeth to keep from giggling with glee at the sight of John waiting for her. As she got closer, she could see the glassiness in his eyes. He was always so strong. Her stability in this world. The man who had her back through anything with no questions asked. The one person in the universe that loved her unconditionally and with no strings attached and in the exact way that she needed to be loved.

“Do you give this woman to be married to this man?” John was itching to lift her veil and kiss her senseless now that she was this close to him. 

“I do,” her father spoke with pride.

“I love you, Daddy,” she whispered as he pulled her into a hug. 

And then finally it was just the two of them.

And then finally he was able to hold her hand and help her up the final step to stand across from him.

And then finally his shaking fingers found the lace trim of her veil and he finally exhaled as he lifted it over her head. Her eyes were full of adoration as she looked up at him. 

“Hi,” he whispered. His hands landed on her cheeks and her hands rested against his chest.

“I’ve been missing those eyes.” Her own twinkled in kind. John leaned in, he couldn’t help himself, the officiant clearing his throat to stop them.

“We are gathered here today to witness the sacred union of John Clarence Egan and Cassandra Ann Cooper,” they smirked at each other. She hadn’t gone by her maiden name in almost three years. Not since London. “We stand here to honor and celebrate the love shared between these two people, as they come together to start their new life with a solemn vow, surrounded by their closest family and friends.”

A journey of love. Their love had already survived so much. From the moment their eyes had locked on an airfield in England, it had strengthened to withstand the tests of time. Their journey had taken them to the darkest corners of humanity the world had to offer. Had forced them to make difficult decisions in the name of survival. But all those decisions had led them here. All the darkness had led to this overwhelming light. Neither of them would change a thing.

A journey of understanding. They had come together and been torn apart and brought back together. And every stage had led them to becoming a new version of the person they had fallen in love with. They worked hard each and every single day to understand who was sitting across from them. Who was looking at them through the mirror. They had been off kilter for a little while but would always find their balance. 

A journey of perseverance. This was the easiest for them to feel when they looked at each other. They were both stubborn. Bull-headed in their pursuit of survival and a life after war. Aggressively unable to give up on each other. Relentlessly devoted to the forever that they had promised each other. 

“...and dedication to one another that lasts through time. As we stand here today to mark this occasion, we remember that what matters most is not the ceremony itself, but the love and companionship you will continue to share throughout your married life together.” John squeezed her hands. “There are no vows more meaningful and powerful than those which will be shared here today. Your wedding vows are a sacred declaration of your love for each other, the foundation of your relationship as a married couple, and the life you want to build together.” Cass thanked her sister as she handed her the piece of paper her vows were on, turning back to face John and letting his gaze give her the strength to lay bare her emotions.

“John, my blue sky, my love. From the moment I saw you, I couldn’t shake you. You were the first person in a long time to see me. To see all my faults and jagged edges and not to look away but to meet them like a perfect puzzle piece. Where I am weak, you are strong and you have spent everyday making me feel loved and safe and happy in ways words cannot capture.” John used his thumb to wipe a tear from her face and stroked his knuckles up and down her cheek for good measure. “I wouldn’t trade a single moment with you for anything in the world. Even the tough ones, even the painful ones, even the ones where I thought I was going to lose you. Because we’ve already proven our love can face anything and come out stronger on the other side. That forever will only be the beginning for us. And doing life with you, John Egan, will be the honor of my life.” Cass dabbed at the tears under her eyes, John knocking his forehead against hers.

“That was so beautiful, baby. I love you so much and-”

“Major Egan, you could just say your vows.” Gale smiled. Finally someone was getting a taste of what he had dealt with. He handed John the piece of paper and sent a wink in Marge’s direction. John looked down at the paper and swallowed before handing it back to Gale.

“Bucky-”

“I’d rather just tell you, Cass, how I feel in this exact moment because I have never been more in love with you.” She giggled as he held both her hands and locked his baby blues onto her eyes. “I fall more and more in love with you every second that I am with you. You are the reason I survived everything we went through, my love. The reason I made it through to the other side was because I knew that was where a future with you was waiting for me. You had this flyboy dreaming of growing roots from the moment I saw you. From the moment I saw you at a pub with your nose buried in a book, I knew I was done for. I knew you were going to challenge me and make me work to earn your love and it was so worth it, Cass, is still so worth it. We are going to build the most amazing life together, our own little solar system, and I will fight for you and our future every day, Cass. I promise.”

“And you’ve never broken a promise,” she whispered as the tears flowed freely down her face. 

“I don’t plan on starting now, Spook…Can I kiss her yet, Father?” A gentle laugh rippled throughout the crowd around the tears they were wiping away.

“Soon, Major. Repeat after me.”

“I, John Clarence Egan, take you Cassandra Ann Egan to be my wedded wife.”

“I, Cassandra Ann Egan, take you John Clarence Egan, to be my wedded husband.”

“I promise to stand by your side through good times and bad times…”

“...for richer or poorer…”

“...in sickness and in health.”

“I vow to stay true to you and love you…”

“...unconditionally for the rest of my days.” They both finished with a smile, drifting closer and closer to each other as the words wrapped around them. There was no daylight between their torsos as she threaded her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and he locked his fingers at the small of her back.

“Do you, John Clarence Egan, take this woman to be your wedded wife?”

“I do,” he said just to her, his blue eyes molten pool of crystalline love.

“Do, Cassandra Ann Cooper, take this man to be your wedded husband?”

“I do,” her heart skipping a beat as John licked his lips. 

“It is now time for you to exchange rings. Your rings symbolize the eternal commitment that you make to each other, and the never ending circle of your love. May these rings always remind you of the commitment you are making here today.” Gale handed each of them a ring, John taking Cass’ left hand tenderly. 

“I, John Clarence Egan, give you, Cassandra Ann Egan, this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment to you.” The silver band fit perfectly on her finger, John swiping his thumb over it a few times to ensure it was real. That after everything they had been through, the two of them were right where they had always wanted to be.

“I, Cassandra Ann Egan, give you, John Clarence Egan, this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment to you.” The band looked at home on his hand. Like he was always meant to be claimed as hers. 

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may-” He wasn’t able to get the word out as their noses bumped together in the urgency to connect their lips. Cheers erupted from the guests and he held her tighter and tighter and tighter against his body and she slipped her tongue into his mouth, John groaning with ecstasy. “It is with great honor that I present you Mr. and Mrs. John Egan!” Cass giggled as John dipped her triumphantly, his lips pressed to the side of her head as they faced the adoring mass in front of them. Her one hand was gripped tightly by his, the other holding her skirt, as they made their way back to the doors that led inside. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Egan, congratulations! We have the reception area-”

“I think I need to change out of my dress, first,” Cass said to the woman but looking at John. Her fingers were already loosening his tie. “Would you like to help me, Mr. Egan?” He nodded wordlessly, catching her chin between his thumb and pointer finger. 

“Don’t wait for us to start the party, ma’am. I’m going to take my time with my wife.” 

----

The door to her suite slammed shut behind them and he was on her in an instant. They couldn’t help but laugh into each other’s lips as their noses collided, and her hair was falling out of its style and his hat landed on the ground. 

“You make me so happy,” she whispered as her fingers carded through his curls, tossed his tie to the side and slowly began to undo the buttons of his jacket. “I love you so much, John Egan. Just the way you are.” John brought his hands, delicately, to the diamond headband in her hair, lifting gently and placing it on the table by the door. 

“There was a time I would have done anything to hear you say those words.” She whined as he kissed her once then pulled away. Cass pushed his jacket off his shoulders. “I thought, after I heard them for the first time, that feeling would go away. I’d still do anything just to hear you say you love me.”

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I love you.” Her arm hooked around his neck and dragged him down to her lips, his hand fumbling to free her hair from the confines of her veil and pins. 

“If I can’t get your hair out of this riddle…” Her kisses were doing nothing to help his concentration. And her hands on his belt buckle were doing even less.

“You haven’t even seen the complex feminine garments that are under this dress yet,” she teased. 

“Cass, I’ll just fucking rip it off of you if you aren’t careful.” She reached her hand towards her hair, pulling one pin for it to cascade around her shoulders in bountiful waves. “How in God’s name…”

“You were going to get started on the buttons of my dress, Major?” 

Thankfully, he was able to compose himself long enough to undo them without tearing the lace of her dress. The release of her corset and stockings allowed her to take a full breath and John lifted her into his arms, her legs around his waist and her chest between his lips. 

“So, so beautiful,” he muttered in a daze as he laid her on the bed. “And all mine.” 

“Let me see what’s all mine,” she breathed as she sat up and kissed down his chest, his fingers undoing the buttons of his dress shirt as quickly as he could possibly manage. She paid extra to kiss exactly where his heart would be. “This right here is the part I’m most honored to have.” She pressed her hand flat and he placed his on top. 

“It’s all yours. Every last beat.” 

Their kisses were sloppy and impatient as they were both fully bare, John crawling to hover over her and kissing a long line down, down, down. He kissed her clit softly, her fingers threading into his curls instantly. He moved oh so slowly and oh so softly and with direct intention behind every flick of his tongue and curl of his finger inside of her. “All mine,” he repeated. 

“All yours, John,” she panted. Her hips lifted ever so slightly off the bed, his forearm pressing them back down into the mattress with force. 

“You’re so pretty when you cum for me.” Two of his fingers curled against the spot that made her muscles quiver. “That’s my girl.” Cass propped herself onto her elbows to look him in the eye, exactly the way she knew he liked, as his thumb pressed against her clit in the same rhythm as his fingers.

“Oh, fuck, John. Faster.” He obliged. Watched in wonder as her moan caught in her throat and her chest blossomed with the flush of her orgasm. Her hips squirmed as she came back to reality but his fingers weren’t stopping. 

“Want you to make a mess for me, baby.” Ever since he had first learned he could coax arousal from her in such a way, he had been focused on working it out of her again. “Think you could do that for me?”

“Yes, Johnny.” His fingers went deeper and faster and curled against the front of her with a sense of purpose only she would be able to inspire in him. Her hands gripped at her breasts as she moaned. 

“Good girl. Just let yourself go, baby.” She gasped as her hips bucked again, John could hear the change in his fingers pumping in and out of her. Cass was so close he could taste it. When her nails scratched at his scalp and her back arched and her toes curled, he spread her thighs even wider latched his mouth onto her. It was like drinking nectar straight from the source. She writhed against his tongue as he lapped at every drop, John’s own hips seeking friction by rutting against the matress. 

He looked absolutely sinful. Chin coated in her cum. A curl hanging down his forehead. Kissing at the inside of her thigh to make sure he didn’t miss a drop. 

“John…” She was practically out of breath as he stroked her clit one more time just to watch the way her stimulated body reacted to his touch. 

“You soaked the sheets baby. I’m so proud of you.” 

“Need you inside me,” she whimpered as John stood, pulling her to the edge of the bed. “Need my husband to fuck me.” 

“My wife needs my cock?” he asked rhetorically. She nodded, trying to move her hips forward to close the gap. He tapped her with the head of his length before teasing up and down her slit to gather her wetness. He saw stars as he pushed into her. She welcomed as much of him as physically possible, her brow furrowed and mouth agape as she watched him rock in and out of her gently. “Cass.” His hand reached to wrap around her throat as he picked up his pace. A moan escaping her lips in time with his thrusts. 

“Cum inside me, John.” He almost lost his focus at her words. They had been so careful since getting back. Not wanting a child to complicate the things they had been working through. But maybe now that all of that was behind them…

“You mean that?” He needed to be sure, his hips quickening with a mind of their own. 

“I’m cert- oh, right there.” She grabbed his wrist as he hit a particularly sweet spot deep inside of her, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. “Oh, Johnny, I’m so close.” Her own hand reached between them and began to work tight circles around her clit. John loved watching her touch herself. Had a habit of sitting behind her in a mirror and talking her through exactly how he wanted her to do it. 

His hip snapped quicker, the sounds of skin on skin and her sweet moans echoing through the room. “Get there with me, Cass, come on baby.” She knew how many thrusts away he was based on the way his forehead creased and his moans sounded strangled and he would always seek out a kiss from her. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she chanted as he stilled and she felt a warmth filling inside her that she hadn’t experienced before. He gripped her hips and pulled her forward, burying himself inside of her to the hilt. Her breath caught in her throat with a squeak as her whole body went stiff before it was shocked back to life by her orgasm. Her moan was the sweetest song as it caressed his ears, his chest heaving as he looked where their bodies were connected. 

“Going to need to do that a couple more times before dinner,” he said, “Just to make sure I’ve gotten the hang of it.” A knock at the door broke their trance.

“We’re busy,” Cass called out lazily as John moved to drop his forearms on either side of her head. He kissed the side of her neck and she craned it to offer him more skin to love on.

“Mr. and Mrs. Egan, we’ve delayed your arrival as much as we can.” There was a very specific balance of timing for such an affair. The first dance and the dance with her father and his mother had to be cadenced perfectly with the toasts and the dinner. Not to mention the five tiered wedding cake and not to mention they had a ship that would be waiting in the morning to take them to their honeymoon. If they were any later, everything could be derailed. She knocked again.

“I am a little hungry,” Cass noted, her thumb smoothing over the crease in the middle of his forehead. “And you did promise you’d sing Blue Skies for me tonight.”

“I did, didn’t I?” She nodded. “Guess we better get you all cleaned up then.”

----

There was an empty chair at the head table the whole night because Cass refused to leave her husband’s lap. No one was surprised that they were late. That Cass’ hair was no longer in the elaborate style she had had previously. Both of their sisters certainly noticed the way her knees buckled and John tightened his arm around her waist. Gale and Marge recognizing the shade of lipstick peeking out from just underneath John’s collar. 

“And now the best man, Gale Cleven, has a few words for the lovely couple.” John whistled as Buck made his way to the microphone, Cass kissing his cheek until he got the hint and turned to kiss her.

“If any of you are new to the John and Cass solar system, I can say with authority they are like this all the time.” The crowd laughed and John raised his glass before taking a sip, Cass burying her face in his neck. “I’ve spent a lot of time with John Egan. Known him from the moment he put on that uniform, making the choice to serve his country. He is a natural pilot. A natural leader. It’s natural for him to love others but hard for him to accept their love in return.” 

“I think he’s trying to make you cry,” Cass whispered. 

“He might.” 

“When I was writing this speech, I was having trouble finding the words to describe the love these two have for each other. The love that never waivered, even on the darkest of nights. And that is because of two things. Firstly, Cass is his compass, his North Star. She guides him home. To safety, to her. To comfort and to love. In return, John chases away the shadows of the night and brings her a Blue Sky. His favorite song, that fact she stuck around after hearing his rendition should tell you all you need to know, and his favorite sentiment. That the presence of someone you love is enough to chase away all your blue days.” Buck turned and faced two of the most important people in his life. Those responsible for his survival in Germany. Who he would never be able to thank enough for getting him home to Marge. “You two gave me the strength to keep fighting. The strength to make it home to my wife. Because you two gave me the courage to believe in destiny and fate and the notion that our souls can find their other half.” 

Cass used her napkin to dab gently at the corner of her eyes, John’s hand squeezing where it rested on her knee. His eyes were focused on his friend with a look of pure love. The look of a man who had survived unspeakable horrors but had his anchor keeping him sane. One on that stage and the other in his arms.

“I love you, John. I don’t say it nearly enough,” she said with her lips pressed to his cheek. 

“Cass and John, I know you have the most incredible, love-filled days ahead of you and I cannot wait to watch the life you two build together because I know for a fact the world is a better place with your love in it. To my two favorite heathens.” Gale raised his glass, Cass blowing him a kiss and John tightly smiling and nodding in an effort to keep his emotions at bay. The flutes of champagne that were passed out went down in a single gulp, the band starting back up as Gale made his way back to the head table. 

“Gale, that was so beautiful. Thank you.” Cass untwined herself from John’s grasp to wrap Buck in a hug. “Here I was thinking you were sick of us and our antics.”

“I am sick of catching you two working on my future niece or nephew but will never tire of watching you two love each other.” Buck went to shake John’s hand but John pulled him in for a hug instead. 

“You got me through, Buck. Got me here with all these blessings,”John looked his friend in the eye, “I’ll never be able to repay that.”

“You repay me by loving your wife with all you got, every day.” Marge walked over to join them. “Hey, maybe you two even name your son after me!”

“Don’t count on it.”

----

The party showed no signs of dying down even a few hours later. Everyone was sufficiently drunk and full of cake. John had brought the house down when he sang just as Cass requested. She was giddy with her love for him.

“Get some fresh air with me?” she requested as he lifted her up and spun her around. 

“Lead the way, my love.” Cass dragged him out the door and a few yards away, dramatically dropping into the grass with a giggle and John followed suit. “Haven’t gotten to just look at the stars with you in awhile.” 

“We’ve been busy. I wouldn’t mind slowing down a little,” she murmured as her cheek rested over his heart.

“Me neither. A little time away is going to be nice.” A couple weeks on safari in Tanzania followed by a couple weeks on the beaches of Zanzibar. It sounded heavenly. 

“It’s going to be perfect.”

One year ago, they had finally escaped hell. It had taken all 365 days since to learn the new intricacies of the person lying with them. To learn their new scars. To love them as equally as the old ones. To convince each other they were safe and could let their guards down again and love each other with the same reckless abandon they had back in England. They had found their way back to each other. Found their way back into the perfect synchronous dance they had mastered. Found their way permanently nestled in each other’s hearts. No longer two separate people but a union. Two halves of a whole locked into a willing embrace for the rest of time. 

They had each other. And not a worry on the horizon.

[quillthrillswriting]

i think that by far, the most common zutara trope i've seen is zuko freeing katara from her unhappy marriage with the clingy, unappreciative aang.

i've always felt that that aang would genuinely worship the ground katara walked on and be exceedingly kind and respectful, and so i've always thought that this trope would make a lot more sense flipped, with aang in the position of being katara's safe space after zukko reverts back to his angry, sullen, lashing out persona that he was before uncle iroh & the gaang's involvement.

this fic is the result of me having the thought "might f around and write a kataang fic that flips the usual zutara trope of "zuko helps katara escape a failing relationship with aang" 😳"

---

Zuko was all alone, heading an entire empire and facilitating the transition of his nation from a war-bringer to a force for peace. At first, she told herself that it was only because he had needed help that she chose to stay with him, but that wasn’t being entirely honest. After that play on Ember Island, all of the scenes where the two of them were in love had opened Katara’s eyes to the possibility, and try as she might, she couldn’t shut them again. And Zuko, after all that he’d sacrificed to help them, after redeeming himself in her eyes, even fighting alongside her, he had seemed like her best chance at home. 

So she had stayed with him. 

---

Zuko proposed, after just six months, but Katara thought little of the brief timeline. When you know, you know, right? He had given her his mother’s ring, and had her dress in Fire Nation colours for the ceremony. She had been under the impression that the wedding would be a welding of cultures, and so she had spent weeks painstakingly carving a traditional water tribe proposal necklace. 

When she had presented it to him, Zuko had only said that a Fire Lord couldn’t be seen wearing another nation’s trinkets . She had quietly dabbed away her tears when he wasn’t looking.

---

The moon rose and set six more nights before Katara rose with it, slipping outside of the castle during the changing of the guard, draped in traditional water tribe colours for the first night in years. Before anyone had seen her, she had made it, slipping between Fire Nation homes almost silently. She only paused to pull clothes and a cloth head covering from a clothesline, silently apologizing to whatever family she had just stolen from. She tucked a couple of coins and a piece of gold jewellery into one of the pockets of the pants still on the clothesline, an attempt at making amends for her crime, then blended into the night again. 

She hadn’t stopped moving until she’d finally found a small forest, then she’d made herself a bed of moss and curled up as if she was a child back on the tundra, pretending to be a sleeping snow fox alongside Sokka.

She missed her brother. She missed her home.

---

She knew where she would go once the cargo ship reached the land. The last location Aang had been in was the Western Air temple. So that was where she would go. If she needed to, to find Aang, she’d scour every inch of the mainland. She knew he would do the same for her. Which begged the question- why hadn’t he come to her when he began to feel that something was off?

It was that question that Katara started with, as she settled into a comfortable position on Aang’s woven rug, a cup of hot tea curling steam around her body that she absent-mindedly bent into shapes around her.

---

Aang sighed, looking away. “Katara, I hate to give you more reasons to feel distressed, but in case you hadn’t remembered, you told me to stay away. Told me my “juvenile crush” was ridiculous and made you uncomfortable. I felt awful, and so, I backed off. I kept sending letters every couple months, trying to make sure you were okay, but you told me you were too busy, and I respected that.”

Katara’s tone was unsettlingly neutral when she responded. “...What?”

Aang titled his head, confused. “You said, in your letters, that-”

She responded in that same tone. “What letters , Aang?”

♥ the rest of the (completed) fic can be found here!! ->

[kuni-is-daddy]

scaramouche argument fic but "make up? more like make out"

Wanderer x lessor lord reader.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

WORD COUNT: 1.1K

Scara masterlist lessor lord masterlist

Where it last left off your once eternal enemy, Shouki no kami. Has erased himself from irminsul. After running into you 'by chance'. You treat him out for tea at your house because of the "mysterious" aura he had. Mild teasing leads to you two building a "intimate" connection and you remembering who he truly was, Kunikuzushi.

It was the middle of a cloudy afternoon in sumeru city by the time you got back from the "date" you and Kuni went on. You knew you had many other things to attend to but that wasn't important. You wanted to make it up too him once you two got back. "Kuni... please talk to me." You sped up to him and caught his hand. He looked down on you with a look of disgust while flicking his hat up. "I thought today was going to be about you and me Y/n. But.. Unfortunately, your too busy playing as the 'god of wisdom' right now to care...about..me." he sighed. "It's not like that! I'm sorry, I just had to figure this out. The talking hydro fungus, apep and the forbidden knowledge and many more things that happened today.. I didn't expect nor want all of this. I know we we're supposed to go on our date but-" he cut you off "But what? You told me you had time and didn't care about the circumstances. Yet here I find you in the same fucking spot we are now. At the gates, walking around into the forest with some stupid creature. Simple as that. I dont expect much from you over my sins y/n but if you cant take out time for me that isnt 'doing errands' and being more a 'human' then why are you even here? Why did you even save me?" He jerked your hand away and continued walking away. "Kuni! Don't you get it though? If this was left unchecked and apep stayed this ill. All of sumeru could've been in danger. My people.. and even life all across teyvat. Of course, i love you, more then anything. But..Im still an archon." You ran Infront of him once again, stopping him in the middle of his steps while he now had a completely irritated look on his face. "That's all it's about 'god of wisdom'. Your 'people', this self-righteousness you have. Don't you hear yourself? 'life all across teyvat' more then half of it is not your concern. Who cares about the rest of fake world. Your trying to hard y/n, Just move out of my way." It was humiliating, others around the city turned their heads. Watching as their god pathetically tried to chase for forgiveness. At this point, you truly wondered if you had to pick between him or sumeru, your nation of wisdom.

--

Kuni... That's all you could think about while sitting behind your desk in your bedroom. 'Your too busy to care about me.' those words echo'd through your mind. Making your heart sink with every breath you took as you picked up another inform. 'acting grand sage alhaitham has filed to resign immediately. States: 'it is not the future he wants to entirely devote his life too' you folded up the inform and placed it in a folder. "if only I could do the same." You leaned your head against the desk. Watching as the rain poured down your window, coating the now blurry view of sumeru city. remembering the countless times kuni would sit by your side reading those forms as well, proposing more "suitable" ways to punish scholars. You smiled, Remembering all of the fun moments you and kuni had, Even though in some ways you two we're complete opposites it was a blessing to have him around. A tear streamed down your cheek as you closed your eyes. Falling asleep to the sounds of the rain.

Hours later you awoke to the sound of thunder, scratching your eyes you got up from your desk and headed to the kitchen. Setting up the first bag of tea you saw glimpse your eye. Leaning against the counter you sat in silence. 'That pain in my chest is still around... maybe the tea will help me relax.' You took your cup and poured the tea, blowing on it to cool it down. Taking a sip realizing a unfamiliar taste. "Bleh- what is this? So bitter.." Shifting your vision back to the tea bag, you frowned at what it was. 'Bitter black tea.' Kuni's favorite. "..maybe I should call him over so we can talk." you said while looking back down at the cup, witnessing your reflection. However, your zone out was cut short by a knock at the door.

"Hmm?" You put the cup down and walked towards the front door, scratching your eyes. Opening it to be greeted by Kuni standing in the rain. "Oh. So your here." he said casually. "K-kuni?! Why are you out in the rain?? Your going to get sick." You grabbed his hand and gestured him into your house. Already running to fetch him something new to put on. "Y/n. About earlier." You ran around your kitchen. Brewing more tea and handing him clothes. "This is the largest size I have.. i think it'll fit you right? We are the same age after all." handing the close to him, you turned your attention back to the tea. "Y/n... Cut it out." You tilted your head at his words. "What do you mean Kuni? I dont even know how long you've been out their! what if your sick" He chuckled, sat on the couch then took off his hat. "Im a puppet. You expect me to get sick? or is that what you want?" You followed him to the couch while rolling your eyes at his remark, Placing his tea on the table. "Earlier. What happened with our date. I wanted to say sor-" Kuni stuttered while speaking. "Hmm? Say what Kuni?" "Sorr-eee" you gave a dumfounded look.

'is he struggling to say sorry?' it was a little cute but sad how he isn't familiar with being apologetic. Or showing remorse "fuck. this human emotions stuff is so aggravating. Look. 'He took a deep breath' Im..sorry alright. I know I have to own up to things and your trying to help me and...I guess I shouldn't have brought up sumeru like that, it kinda was amusing going around the desert, seeing some old dragon and killing some hilichurls. Its just that..You've been the only one in my life to really care... Even after how I touched you in my past life. I Just wanted some alone time with you. Not just being your prisoner and running errands now." "Kuni..." Your eyes started to water. "Ugh. Why are you crying... I thought that was the right thing to say" He grew closer to you, cupping your cheek with his hand while wiping away your tears with a cloth. You then held onto his wrist, Sinking into his touch. "It was Kuni, just haven't heard you ever say something that nice." he chuckled. "Well I'm sure theirs a more. Suiting way for you."

Kuni pressed his lips onto yours, you moaned into the kiss while wrapping your hands around him "K-kuni~your so rough" "Mmm...but you like it that way don't you? Who ever thought the god of wisdom was such a slut for my touch" your tongues intertwined as you both exchanged each other's tastes. "Hah..fuck y/n.. cmere.. mmm sit on my lap." You sat on Kuni's lap. Slowly beginning to grind on his cock as his hands shifted down to your ass "Yeah baby, just like that. Grind on daddy's cock~" "Kuni I love you~ I..I want you.. please" you felt his hard on through his pants. "Yeah? what does my little slut want." The way his cock pressed against you would make your body shivers at how erect it was getting. You pulled him into another kiss. The both of you gasping for air. "Kuni...Kuni.. please~ cum in my mouth. I want it~" "shit keep saying my name like that y/n.. get on your fucking knees and open that slut mouth of yours" you climbed off of Kuni and onto the floor. Tugging off your shirt. "Fuck yes. Gonna take your shirt off for daddy too? Want me to cum all over your chest?" He took his cock out, pumping it more then pushing the tip into your mouth. "Hah..your mouth is so fucking warm." Kuni roughly pushed his cock down your throat, making you choke and let out a squeal. "Oh fuck~ yes. Take daddy's cock." You never heard Kuni moan so passionately before like that. The way he'd praise your mouth and chase his high "Fuck~ Ah..yes..m' so close.. daddy's gonna cum." he thrusted hard into your throat. Practically fucking you. "Hah..hah...Yes..OH FUCK M GONNA CUM~" ropes of his warm cum shot down your throat. "Open that fucking mouth of yours." He Pushed your head back and stared at you intently. Making sure you swallowed all of his cum. You did, tongue hanging out as you gasped for air.

"Fuck..Your so addicting y/n. I love you."

[fatehbaz]

Recent Chicago peice reminded me of the way Chicago north suburbs use military bases to divide and segregate in a manner that similarly matches connects to colonial actions. You always compile interesting stuff thank you.

Thank you for the kindness and support. I'm gonna riff on this a little bit. I'm sorry, I don't mean to distract from what you specifically brought up here.

Yea, we can add federal military base sites to the list of "innovations" Chicago has made in spatial arrangement (like, constructing nasty landscapes), specifically labor segregation (race-based) in service of wealth extraction. (For anyone following along, the article/essay we're discussing explores connections between plantations in US-occupied Philippines and the policing institutions and technologies of Chicago. More specifically, it's about white anxiety in Chicago, the fear and "anticipation" of Black migration from the South during Reconstruction and the Great Migration, and how between 1880-ish and 1910-ish Chicago then became a center of surveillance, records-keeping, body/mind classification systems, and new innovations in monitoring dissent and collecting information. The Adjutant General of the US Army who led Chicago's militarized crackdown on the labor rebellions of the 1877 Great Railroad Strike immediately moved to DC and proposed establishing "the Military Information Division" (MID); eventually founded in 1885, MID started collecting hundreds of thousands of Bertillon-system intelligence cards on dissidents and "criminals" across the US. Meanwhile, the National Association of Chiefs of Police headquartered their central bureau of identification in Chicago in 1896. In the author's telling, these policing beliefs and practices - including intelligence cards, "management sciences," and policing unit organization - were then "exported" by MID to the US-military-occupied Philippines and used to monitor labor and anticolonial dissent. Another Chicago guy, at the same time, developed "personality typing" and psychological evaluations, and then trained Philippines police forces to collect as much information as possible about colonial subjects. The information-gathering in the Philippines constituted what other scholars have called one of the United States' first "information revolutions," with this apparatus of knowledge-collection and surveillance being "capillaries of empire." These connections and arguments are made by Jolen Martinez, in 2024, "Plantation Anticipation: Apprehension in Chicago from Reconstruction America to the Plantocratic Philippines".)

So, Chicago is a funnel, right?

The node. The center of transportation networks. Extracted wealth channeled by the Great Lakes/St. Lawrence River waterway, channeled by the Mississippi River corridor, channeled by the railroads acting as tendrils reaching out into westward into "the frontier". For the United States, Chicago was the gateway to "the West". Over the course of the past two centuries: Furs from trapped mammals in Canadian boreal forest shipped through the Great Lakes to French colonial benefactors. Mined metals from the Iron Ranges shipped through the ports. Timber from Minnesota shipped through the waterway. Cattle from Texas rangeland shipped, after the 1870s, along railroads to centrally meet together at massive Chicago meat processing facilities and industrial-scale slaughterhouses. Corn Belt agricultural produce from the tallgrass prairie ecoregion shipped to Chicago. And people, too. People diminished. People seen as resources. People as labor. People shipped to Chicago to work the processing centers, the railyards, the docks, the restaurant dish-pits. And so Chicago becomes a hub of the Great Railroad Strike of 1877. But Chicago was also a major destination for Black people moving away from the (post-)Reconstruction South. And because Chicago was a hub of labor unions, Black migration, telegraph and communications infrastructure, and significant industrial production, it also becomes a hub of policing.

Have you ever looked through an archive of all the extravagant promotional advertising illustrations for the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition, famously hosted by Chicago?

From the Gilded Age to the Roaring Twenties, Chicago achieves the pinnacle of its spectacular reputation with its image as a glistening modernist metropolis after the construction of the railroad networks. But even before the city itself was formally established, the wetlands where the Chicago River meets Lake Michigan were kinda located in this general region that acts as a sort of bridge for French wealth, being both near the inland terminus of the Great Lakes-St. Lawrence route while simultaneously also sitting near a sort of inland terminus of the Mississippi River route (kinda uniting French Canadian fur trade and Ontario/Quebec settlement with French "Caribbean" plantations and New Orleans).

I think about how suburbanization, and its attendant racial segregation, is especially blatant in something I kinda think of as "the southern Great Lakes industrial corridor and its economically, ecologically, (settler-)culturally similar satellites" (Columbus, Detroit, Grand Rapids, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, St. Louis, etc.). Some writing on this, which you might enjoy checking out if you haven't yet, is Phil Neel's work, particularly the book Hinterland (2018). Neel's book is largely about suburbs or suburbanization; the environmental construction of Midwestern cities as hubs of industrial extraction and racial segregation; and how these Chicago-esque traditions of designing physical space (whether it's residential, "rural", "urban", whatever) to best isolate/subdue people for extraction are now widespread and typical of US space in general.

It's now a template. As another example, Neel discusses how the "revitalized urban core" of Seattle's utopian "infotech metropolis" of tech companies is actually dependent on the corridor extending southward towards and past Tacoma, "this logistics empire" of "warehouses, food processing facilities, container trucks, rail yards, and industrial parks" while "the poor have been priced out" and "can also be found staffing the airport and the rail yards [...], loading boxes in warehouses [...]." It's why, in recent years, you hear about "workforce housing." Put a warehouse or big box store on the edge of town, then put nearly-inhospitable apartment complexes next-door, and you keep the poor at the periphery. Like a company town. Or kinda like creating a debt colony from which to draw vulnerable laborers. So that the power of such a major city and its economic might does not end at the technical city limit boundary, but extends beyond into the "rural" hinterland. (You can see this when looking up an "urban megaregion map".) And Great Lakes or "Midwest" cities were a sort of pioneer (excuse the term) of these techniques of labor compartmentalization.

Ferguson and St. Louis in 2014. Minneapolis and Louisville in 2020.

So maybe unsurprisingly, urban/neighborhood racial segregation is very ingrained/formalized in the Great Lakes cities. Chicago's Lake Michigan-based sibling Milwaukee is especially notorious (2018 research found Milwaukee had the most extreme Black-white segregation of any US city with a million or more people). Including banking, home-loan denial, insurance practices engineered specifically and efficiently to isolate/segregate/prey upon Black people (all kinds of academic research on on these practices).

Coincidentally, redlining ("other side of the tracks"), especially 1930s-1940s, made use of the region's many railroad tracks as physical barriers and hostile environments. So that the railroad infrastructure not only funneled wealth but also became actual, material obstacles. Weaponized landscape feature.

And part of why I liked Martinez's take on it was that we can see more evidence that Chicago's techniques of organizing space/life did not just establish ways of being in the Midwest, but also established ways of being across the United States. And we can kinda see that this power is not just physical/material.

I think Chicago is interesting, especially in the time period of the research we're talking about (1880-1910), because this Gilded Age, Edwardian era, turn-of-the-century-opulence kinda moment is sort of singularly important for (European) empire-building. British imperial power being exercised in Southeast and South Asia. The Scramble for Africa. French Algeria. European power reaching outwards. But it also corresponds to United States empire-building both domestically and globally. 1889/1890: Wounded Knee and "the closing of the frontier", the West has been won, from sea to shining sea, now the US thinks it owns the continent or whatever. And the US didn't waste any time. Immediately, the US moves on to Cuba, to Hawai'i, to the Philippines, to Panama, etc. And it's like, at first, to target Indigenous people and the Wild West, there are obvious physical/material reasons why Chicago (geographically, as a railroad and telegraph hub, as shipping hub) is like a homebase or an epicenter for westward expansion and domestic empire-building. But Chicago is not geographically a convenient hub of colonization abroad in Central America or the Philippines (it's not close to those locations, the railroads of Chicago don't reach Manila, etc.). And yet, what Martinez's work suggests is that in a very scary way Chicago still actually might've functioned as a hub of empire-building across the globe. Chicago was a place where the United States' imagination fermented. Ideas, imaginaries, beliefs. So that, maybe Chicago became not just a physical node, but an imaginative node, too. Chicago-style authority, police data-collection, and record-keeping inspired surveillance approaches across the United States. The ideologies, the "personality types", the filing cabinets, the "intelligence cards", were adopted elsewhere. What plantation owners and white Southerners believed and practiced in antebellum Louisiana was re-articulated by the specificity of Chicago; Gilded Age Chicago then would influence US domestic surveillance; and the US would then reach out and transport those beliefs and practices to affect the rest of the planet.

[origin-spirits-of-the-past]

Shunack - the man who came from the past (English Translation)

Written by Kyohei Umoto, Illustrated by Tsuyoshi Ogata

A man who came from the past

Shunack is the polar opposite of the Forest.

Now he is trying to control even the great nation of Ragna,

but what exactly was he researching at the facility on the moon?

And what kind of drama took place between him and the people of Neutral City?

The answers to many mysteries lie in this story.

The novel version writer Kyohei Umoto presents

The hidden story of a lone strategist.

||| Awakening

"Is there really a person here...? Alive?"

Yolda exclaimed in surprise. She was in the midst of excavating the buried city, uncovering the remnants of past buildings and paving the way for a new town to live in.

Separating from her companions Agashi and Hajan, Yolda had descended underground and discovered a massive cylindrical device.

There, she noticed a young man sleeping, adorned with a ring-shaped necklace.

He appeared to be in his early twenties, with a handsome and beautiful face.

"Are you okay? Can you hear my voice?"

As Yolda called out, the young man slowly opened his eyelids and nodded.

"That's good, it seems you are conscious. I am Yolda. What is your name?"

"...Shunack."

"But I’m surprised. I never would have guessed there was a person sleeping down here. If we hadn’t used the old buildings to create a town here, we wouldn’t have known."

"Old buildings? Creating a town...?"

"Yes. I don’t have a name yet, but I’m thinking of proposing it to be a neutral city, with the intention of being unrelated to all conflicts."

"Neutral city... here?"

The young man tried to sit up but furrowed his brow halfway through.

"It’s better not to move suddenly. It seems you’ve been sleeping here for quite a long time."

"How long exactly?"

"I don’t know. But judging by the condition of the bodies around, it could be a hundred years, or even more."

Supported by Yolda, Shunack slowly propped himself up and looked around.

From the device, many glass tubes—stay fields—protruded. Inside them lay countless corpses, mummified.

"Am I the only one alive...? Have I been sleeping all this time?"

Shunack murmured quietly. Yes, he had been dreaming in what felt like an eternal sleep.

A dream that was endless, painful, and sad.

"Doctor Sakul, is it true that you won’t enter the stay field?"

In response to Shunack’s words, Doctor Sakul nodded.

"I still have things I must do."

"Then I can’t enter either."

"No, you and I are the only survivors from the project’s research team. As the overall supervisor, I bear responsibility for the situation we find ourselves in. I intend to stay here and work to resolve the situation. Shunack, you, being young and talented, I want you to carry on this project into the future. This is something only you, who know the details, can do."

Doctor Sakul then sent Shunack to the location of the stayfield.

Did Doctor Sakul notice the smile that appeared on Shunack’s lips as he turned away?

No, it would be impossible to notice. No one, including the doctor, knows how this situation came to be...

Shunack had been conducting research at the project laboratory as a team leader, developing plants resilient to environmental degradation. However, suddenly, the plants went out of control...

"It was the fault of those who tried to kick me out. If they hadn’t tried to outsmart me..."

Since childhood, Shunack’s intellect had been exceptional. He believed there was no one superior to him. Others envied that and excluded him. He didn't need friends. Everyone was a rival, an enemy. If they were frustrated, they should win. However, it was always he who excelled above all. Yet, for the mere reason of being young, others were recommended as lead researchers instead of him.

The one who made the decision was foolish. If that’s the case, he should show his greatness to silence the fools.

That competitive spirit of his unexpectedly led to such a situation—.

"The real competition starts now. When I awaken from here, I will prove that I was excellent."

Once Shunack fell asleep, he continued to dream endlessly.

Raised by parents who judged only based on grades and never having made a single friend, his grades were everything. He always aimed to be number one. The result was... repeated as a nightmare. But finally, the time had come for that nightmare to end!

||| Recovery

During the long sleep, Shunack had weakened considerably. Was there a flaw or malfunction in the device?

Everyone else who had entered the Stafield besides him had been mummified. If he hadn't been discovered as he was, Shunack might have decayed as well.

Perhaps it was fortunate that he survived because he was indeed the chosen one...

In the room given to him by Yolda, he spent some time sleeping. During that time, two men named Agashi and Hajan also came to check on him. All three appeared to be in their early forties.

In the room, there were several artifacts that Yolda and the others had discovered through salvage. All of them were quite damaged. It had been not just a hundred years, but likely several times that amount of time had passed.

This was something he would experience firsthand when his body recovered and he stepped out of the room.

Before Shunack’s eyes lay a devastated world. The outstanding structures created by human wisdom were overrun by mountainous regions and feral forests. It seemed that Doctor Sakul had been unable to manage the situation.

Though there was disappointment, a flame ignited in Shunack’s heart almost immediately.

"I see, this is a challenge for me. Those who were once enemies have long since perished. And now, the enemies that remain here are—" A defiant smile graced Shunack's lips as he looked at the forest stretching deep into the mountainous area.

However, his thoughts were not immediately put into action. Yolda and the others were not seeking to fight; instead, they were exploring coexistence with the forest.

"Why must we ally with the enemy?"

"The forest is not the enemy. It has a will and can attack those with hostility, but we must live together as beings that inhabit the same Earth." Yolda answered Shunack’s question like this.

"No, that's not it. You can say such things because you don't know why the Earth has become like this."

"The one who doesn't know is you, Shunack. I don't know what the world you lived in was like, but we have survived in this world."

"You still seem confused. You should go back to your room and rest a little more."

In front of Shunack, two men began to dig up a buried building. Moreover, with their bare hands.

With an expression of disbelief, Shunack murmured,

"Those are Agashi and Hajan—what does this mean?"

"That power is the power of the forest... I have gained strength to live alongside the forest in this world."

"The power of the forest?"

"Yes. To protect this town and the forest, I received a great power from the forest that no one can match."

Yolda’s words pierced into Shunack’s heart.

||| The Power of the Forest

To explore the mystery of the forest power that Agashi and the others had gained, Shunack interacted with the townspeople.

Hiding his feelings behind a calm and gentle veil, the people responded positively.

Upon learning that Agashi and Hajan had children, Shunack approached the kids.

"Your father is amazing. I want to help this town as a thank you for his assistance, but how can I become like your father?"

Cain, Hajan’s eleven-year-old son, looked at him suspiciously, while Agito, Agashi's son, who was a year younger, shyly turned away in silence.

The only one left was Minka, Hajan’s eight-year-old daughter. Minka answered innocently, thrilled to be praised about her father.

"If you want to do that, you have to go to the Canopy Temple deep in the forest."

"Canopy Temple?"

"Yeah. If you go there and make a contract with the forest, you can become a Enhanced body like my dad."

"Contract? Enhanced body?"

"But if the forest doesn't recognize you, you won't be able to come back alive, so no one wants to go there."

"Minka, what are you talking about? Let's go.” Cain, who had returned, took Minka's hand and led her away.

Making a contract with the forest, the enemy. For Shunack, it was nothing but humiliation. He concealed his anger and searched for another way while participating in the town's development.

However, as he watched Agashi and the others using the power of the strengthened bodies to clear the town, his surprise was not uniform.

They crushed massive rocks and carried away bent steel beams. The strengthened bodies accomplished all of this barehanded, without any tools. The forest, which had become humanity's enemy, was granting such immense power to people.

Then, there was no reason not to utilize it. There was no hesitation.

"Shunack, where do you think you're going?"

Yolda appeared before Shunack as he was about to enter the forest.

"I want to go to the Canopy Temple to gain the power of the forest to restore the world."

"Certainly, you have done well since your recovery. I believe you can become an Enhanced too. But becoming one comes with dangers, and not everyone can do it."

"That decision should be made by the forest, not by you, Yolda."

Shunack stared at Yolda with a stern expression.

He could see that Yolda was unsettled.

“To build our town and protect our peace, it is better to have as many humans as possible who can become enhanced beings with strength. However, for that, another power beyond your decision is needed. That is—“

"If you say that much, then do as you like. Wish strongly in your heart and pray that the voice of the forest reaches you. If you are not recognized, you will be swallowed by the forest." Yolda advised.

Shunack firmly gazed back at her and declared, "I am prepared for the danger."

Thus, after parting with Yolda, Shunack stepped alone into the forest, aiming for the Canopy Temple.

Whether he is worthy of receiving power or not. The forest rustled as if evaluating him, casting unseen gazes. If he showed even the slightest weakness, it felt like he would be consumed before he could reach his destination.

No matter how far he walked, the end was not in sight. Is this the trial? However, his resolve was firm. No matter what, he would reach it. He had awakened in this world as the chosen one.

||| Breakdown

Eventually—Shunack could no longer hide the signs of fatigue.

He didn't even know how many days he had walked. He was continuing solely out of obsession. At that moment, he saw something that resembled the Canopy Temple before him.

Entering cautiously, a faint voice reached Shunack’s mind.

(Do you want power that much?)

"Of course."

(Will you work for the forest?) (Will you swear to live in this world with the forest and protect it with the power granted to you?)

"I dedicate myself to the forest and am prepared to protect it for life. I love this Earth from the bottom of my heart. For a very long time—"

(You were born here long ago) (You are a human like no other...)

(You may bring something to the forest and humanity...) (Then...)

The whispers of the forest echoed. Eventually—

(I will grant you power.)

Shunack, who deceived the forest with a strong will and became an enhanced being, immediately returned to the town using that power. For a while, he worked on building the town, but it was merely a facade to test his strength.

As evidence, one day he proposed to Yolda and the others.

"Now is the time to remind humanity of its superiority over the forest."

"Shunack, what are you saying?"

"To restore the world, we must take a strong stance against the forest."

"The power of enhanced beings is given to protect the forest. Why then break your oath?"

"Such matters are trivial compared to the greater cause."

"Is that your true nature?" Hajan, who had been listening with his arms crossed, said.

Yolda looked at Agashi, who was silently closing his eyes as if seeking help.

However, before Agashi could speak, a rumble accompanied by a loud noise echoed. What Shunack saw from the window inside the tower at the center of the town was the figure of a giant machine attacking the forest.

"It's the Ragna army's tank unit. They're attacking the forest, aiming for the town's water source."

"Tch, how did they catch wind of a town that just formed? Seriously, they're a bunch of idiots." Hajan jumped out of the window with a great leap.

As he fell to the ground from dozens of meters up, he rushed toward the forest at an incredible speed.

"Yolda, I leave the evacuation of everyone in the town to you." Agashi dashed past Shunack.

Having jumped out of the window, Agashi soared into the air, carried by the wind, up to the treetops.

"Shunack, you should also evacuate with the townspeople." Yolda said to Shunack, who had one foot on the window frame.

"I have no reason to comply."

"I have been chosen as the representative of this neutral city. I have the authority to command the townspeople."

"Hmph, then that doesn’t apply to me. I have no intention of becoming part of this town."

Upon learning that the Ragna army had unexpectedly attacked the forest, Shunack left with a cold smile and jumped out of the window. As the wind hit his body, he felt power coursing through him.

||| Confrontation

As soon as Shunack landed, he rushed into the midst of a fierce battle.

A beast resembling a dragon made of leaves burst from the forest, trying to attack the giant tank.

Shunack leaped high and struck down the leaf beast with a slice of his hand.

As soon as he hit the ground, he leapt onto the top of the tank. The man in command, dressed in a red military uniform, pulled out a pistol from his waist and fired it at Shunack. He swatted away all the bullets that were fired with one hand.

"En-enhanced..."

Shunack’s lips twisted in a grin as he faced the frightened man in military uniform.

An explosion occurred next to the tank Shunack had jumped onto.

Agashi was smashing the tank to pieces with a single right punch.

Across from him, Hajan was smashing a particularly large, long-legged tank with a flying kick.

"What a monster. Not only did he destroy the turtles, he destroyed the stick insect with his bare hands!"

"Leave them to me and burn down the forest."

"What? What are you planning?"

"I'm Shunack. I'm on your side."

Shunack smiled fearlessly and glided into the air. He landed in front of Agashi, who was preparing to destroy the tank. Agashi looked at Shunack with fierce eyes.

"Can you get out of the way?"

"If you can get me out of the way, go ahead and do it." Shunack sneered.

"Shunack, what are you doing? Get out of the way." Yolda, who rushed over, shouted.

"Leave this to me. Protect the forest instead."

Yolda looked at Agashi worriedly, but as the Ragna army relentlessly attacked, she left the place and disappeared into the forest.

"Heh, I'll defeat you in no time and burn down the whole forest. Learn your lesson."

Even though we're both enhanced beings, there's no way a young guy like me would lose to an old man like that.

As soon as he faced him, he threw a left punch, thinking it would be a light jab. Agashi blocked it with one hand. They both stopped moving. He tried to pull his left hand back, but it was firmly blocked, and he couldn't even move.

Looking at Shunack, whose face was distorted and his body was shaking, Agashi said without changing his expression.

"Controlling the power of an enhanced being is difficult. You've just become enhanced, so I can't defeat you."

"I won't lose to anyone. There's no way I could lose. Ha!!" Shunack lost his mind in rage. He put all his strength into his left arm.

"Agashi, he doesn't know how to control his strength yet. It's dangerous, stop! Let go!" Hajan shouted as he destroyed the tanks one by one. But Agashi also put all his strength into his body.

A violent impact hit the two of them. Shunack felt something strange in his left arm. At the same time, he felt something inside his body go out of control, regardless of his will. He felt a fear that he was being taken over.

The next moment, Shunack was slammed into the ground by Agashi’s incredible strength, and he lost consciousness on the spot. The last thing he saw was Agashi standing calmly in front of the enemy forest.

||| Ragna

"Where am I?"

Shunack was in a decorated building surrounded by white walls.

He was lying on a bed in a quiet room.

"Did you notice? This is Ragna’s hospital. I heard the report from the commander. I heard he said he was on our side."

The man in military uniform sitting on the chair next to him muttered to Shunack, who had opened his eyes.

"How did the battle go?"

"It was lost."

"Damn."

"We were forced to retreat after only burning a part of the forest."

The battle with Agashi came back to Shunack's mind. He looked at his left arm, which he had felt strange, and it looked fine. If he hadn't been so afraid of the unknown terror, he would have won.

"As long as the enhanced ones are there, we can't do as we like with that town and the forest. I hate it, but we're going to build a Ragna garrison near the town and keep an eye on it for a while. It was a losing battle, but hey, we got some unexpected souvenirs."

The soldier looked at Shunack and grinned. He was annoyed by the arrogant attitude, but hid his feelings and closed his eyes. After confirming that the precious enhanced body was safe, the soldier left the hospital room.

Even he was surprised at how quickly Shunack had recovered after becoming an enhanced body.

Ragna also had a library, so he first rummaged through the books.

Among them he found a book by Dr. Sakul and read it intently.

It was written after Shunack had fallen asleep in the Stayfield. "Estoc?"

The book described the state of the world after that and the Estoc project left behind by Dr. Sakul.

After reading it, Shunack was convinced that Dr. Sakul had left Estoc for him. It was his destiny that he had come across this book after so many years.

Shunack gloated triumphantly. He would use Ragna's military power to find Estoc. Just as he thought this, Shunack was stunned. The ring-shaped Raban around his neck was gone.

It seems he had lost it during the battle with Agashi.

The book said that Raban was needed to find Estoc.

After officially joining Ragna’s army, Shunack was supported by the turtle tanks and Stick Insect machines, and obsessively burned down forests all over the place, searching for another Stayfield. However, he was unable to find any survivors from the past. He tried using the Raban of others he had found, but it did not work for him.

His outstanding achievements earned him the rank of colonel, and he was even entrusted with governing Tria City, the capital city in Ragna. But Shunack's feelings were never clear for even a single day.

Five years had passed since he woke up. His sense of resignation and frustration only grew. It was at this time that he received information that a person from his past had been found.

"Find out where he is immediately."

No one noticed the new madness that had taken hold in Shunack's eyes.

End

Included Illustrations:

[kachuusha]

I was minding my own business but then someone pulls this clip of junho from 2pm saying let's live together on japanese national tv because he was asked how is gonna propose

see how the hosts reacted? "it's straightforward"

the point here is that let's live together is a common way to propose

and there's even that anime magazine q&a thing with eren proposing in a similar manner

sorry for bringing this up again, I'm just sick and tired of levihans constantly being told that we are delusional for thinking ifkk is a proposal and that is has romantic implications

and given the context was of the forest scene was right after levi almost died and hanji hauled him away from danger. I mean what else could isayama be trying to pull

and then there's also this?

hanji blushing upon learning that levi heard them? and no don't give me the whole it wasn't in the anime and or how it was only meant to be shadow lines? isayama doesn't draw shadow lines horizontally. slanted lines drawn under the eyes and right above the cheek? that is how he had always drawn blush lines.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

This day in history

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in BOSTON with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then PROVIDENCE (Apr 12), and beyond!

#15yrsago Why URL shorteners suck https://joshua.schachter.org/2009/04/on-url-shorteners

#15yrsago Heinlein’s house for sale https://web.archive.org/web/20090406105617/https://mcginnis.com/listings/detail.php?lid=41846127&limit=0&offset=0&aid=005900204&oid=005900002&temp=1057&aname=Sharon+Roland&aimg=1&chome=1&agent_hasfeat=2&&posc=6&post=10&cfq=elegant%3Dyes%26property_category%3D1%26county%3D41%26aid%3D005900204%26oid%3D005900002%26temp%3D1057%26aname%3DSharon%2BRoland%26aimg%3D1%26chome%3D1%26agent_hasfeat%3D2%26SRSearchDate%3D1238781456%26SRRecordCount%3D10%26SRPage%3D1%26SRPageCount%3D1%26SRPageLinks%3D6

#15yrsago Game industry exec celebrates 60+ hour work-weeks https://web.archive.org/web/20090405131359/playthisthing.com/mothers-dont-let-your-children-grow-be-game-developers

#15yrsago Nine year old’s survey project excluded from school because he learned some people don’t think of themselves as male or female https://thefourthvine.livejournal.com/102417.html

#10yrsago Britain is turning into a country that can’t tell its terrorists from its journalists https://memex.craphound.com/2014/04/03/britain-is-turning-into-a-country-that-cant-tell-its-terrorists-from-its-journalists/

#10yrsago Stop-and-frisk as the most visible element of deep, violent official American racism https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/04/what-i-learned-about-stop-and-frisk-from-watching-my-black-son/359962/

#10yrsago David “Debt” Graeber evicted, implicates NYPD intelligence, claims revenge-harassment for OWS participation http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/015820.html

#10yrsago Open net gets a huge boost in the EU: net neutrality and no roaming fees https://web.archive.org/web/20140405234420/http://www.marietjeschaake.eu/2014/04/mep-european-parliament-supports-proposal-schaake-to-enshrine-net-neutrality-in-european-law/

#10yrsago Cats of Tanglewood Forest: illustrated modern folktale from Charles de Lint and Charles Vess https://memex.craphound.com/2014/04/03/cats-of-tanglewood-forest-illustrated-modern-folktale-from-charles-de-lint-and-charles-vess/

#10yrsago House Science Committee: a parliament of Creationists, Climate Deniers (and dunces) https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/the-curious-wavefunction/the-house-of-representatives-committee-on-science-is-turning-into-a-national-embarrassment/

#10yrsago Big Data has big problems https://www.ft.com/content/21a6e7d8-b479-11e3-a09a-00144feabdc0

#5yrsago 540 million Facebook users’ data exposed by third party developers https://www.upguard.com/breaches/facebook-user-data-leak

#5yrsago Elizabeth Warren proposes holding execs criminally liable for scams and data breaches https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/elizabeth-warren-its-time-to-scare-corporate-america-straight/2019/04/02/ca464ab0-5559-11e9-8ef3-fbd41a2ce4d5_story.html

#5yrsago How EFF’s Eva Galperin plans to destroy the stalkerware industry https://www.wired.com/story/eva-galperin-stalkerware-kaspersky-antivirus/

#5yrsago After years of insisting that DRM in HTML wouldn’t block open source implementations, Google says it won’t support open source implementations https://memex.craphound.com/2019/04/03/after-years-of-insisting-that-drm-in-html-wouldnt-block-open-source-implementations-google-says-it-wont-support-open-source-implementations/

#5yrsago After months of insisting that #Article13 doesn’t require filters, top EU Commissioner says “Article 13 requires filters” https://memex.craphound.com/2019/04/03/after-months-of-insisting-that-article13-doesnt-require-filters-top-eu-commissioner-says-article-13-requires-filters/

#5yrsago Notices at Intel press event seem to say attending photographers must assign copyright to all pictures and videos to the company? https://web.archive.org/web/20200616222543/http://mitchwagner.com/2019/04/02/video-consent-notice-posted-discreetly-in-a-couple-of-places-on-the-walls-at-the-intel-press-analyst-event-today/

#5yrsago Patagonia tells banks and oil companies that they can no longer buy co-branded vests https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/katienotopoulos/patagonia-power-vest-policy-change

#1yrago The problem with economic models https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/03/all-models-are-wrong/#some-are-useful

[theolddivorcedzukka]

I am asking about your zukka mitski playlist because my interest has been peaked !!

hi anon i am aware that this ask was sent on july 1st and your interest is no longer piqued so oops and sorry :(

here is the playlist link in case u still want to listen to it and ill talk about it a bit under the read more!!

hiiii so the funny thing about this playlist is that it was from before i even started posting about divorced zukka but i still had the headcanon of zuko and sokka dating when younger, breaking up, and then getting back together as middle aged adults. the playlist follows that exact same sequence cause im too lazy to write the fic so this is my way of writing the divorced zukka fic

ok so im not gonna explain the whole thing but I'll try to be a bit brief about what the songs talk about without getting into Why cause i know i'll be here for hours if i do so

1-3: sokka's section. it is set in canon and the vibe here is "i need to be strong, i need to be brave and tough like my father, like a real man, i have depression, i need to be the warrior, i do all the protecting but who is going to save me, i'm just asking for a kiss, one day i am going to die, etc"

4-9: zuko's section. set in canon up till "working for the knife" which is about him being firelord which suuuuucks. ehh you get the gist of it he is flawed, he is fucked up, he doesn't know what he wants, he is the forest fire, he is watching himself burn, he just needs something that will fill him up, etc and then he is crowned firelord and he gets worse but in a different way

10-11: classic sokka and zuko parallelism. hungry to be something they cannot be, thinking that that thing is what they should want, that that is what they are really hungry for. Wrong

12-13: set in the boiling rock. both would be from sokka's perspective and first love late spring is there because of how zuko holds sokka back from doing this reckless thing alone and end up killing himself "one word from you and i would jump off of this ledge im on baby. tell me don't so i can crawl back in" and heat lightning is about sokka surrendering and giving in to accepting that he needs help, he can't do this alone and so he allows zuko and co to carry this load with him and work together to get out of tbr

14-15: zuko and sokka start dating years after the war. "come into the water" is basically "come here, let's take this risk together. we both know it could be a mess but we don't really care about that right now, tell me you want me to do this and i'll come into the water with you" and for a while, it is all good. sokka and zuko start falling in love, they start taking care of each other, thinking that they can heal like this together and it'll all be good. there is still some issues in there like sokka's protectiveness that can end up hurting him "while you sleep, i'll be scared. so by the time you wake, ill be brave" but during that period in their relationship, they feel like nothing can get to them as long as they're together in their safe space.

16-18: the problems arise. they both knew that this had to be secret because of zuko's position, homosexuality being illegal in the fire nation, the assassination attempts that could worsen if the truth came out, and both their reputations but it's hard keeping it secret when they wish they could be like this not only behind locked doors. as well as that, sokka feels inferior here in the fire nation and it's not just the way the court talks about and at him and the way he's treated because of the fire nation's racism, it's that feeling that in a way he is betraying the water tribe, his family, his mother, everyone. what is he doing here in a nation that caused him and everyone so much harm? and he can separate how he feels about zuko from how he feels about the fire nation but it feels wrong sometimes, they feel like the same person sometimes.

18: this could also be seen as the proposal gone wrong or what leads up to it. they both aren't talking things through with full honesty, they try to avoid conflict cause their relationship is their one good thing at the moment. "sorry i can't take your touch, it's not that i don't want you" is basically sokka refusing the proposal to me. those aren't his words, they both just burst out at each other and make it all a mess. and sokka wants zuko but he can't sacrifice himself to spend his whole life there in a nation that he just doesn't feel right in, which might be one of sokka's few "im doing this for me" moments, and so this ends their relationship. huzzah.

19: breakup song. thinking that's where you loved me. me too zukka

20-21: classic zuko self-deprecation momence. "when you leave me, i should die. i deserve it, don't i?" and "i don't blame you if you want to bury me in your memory, im not the boy i ought to be" etc

22: sokka's lament. "i know i ended it but why won't you chase after me?" i know that this is what i must do but why won't you come back and try to change my mind? what if you just don't care anymore? why didn't you stop me even if we both know that we can't change this?

23: "you're my best friend now i have no one to tell how i lost my best friend" no comment

24: aghhhh this love is a star it's so gone now it's so over

25: we are so back!!!! as reluctant friends. this is zuko and sokka's first formal reunion together where they actually sit down together and awkwardly talk and pretend they don't have feelings. they are both lying when they say they haven't told anyone ofc they have. in my mind, this is when zuko has izumi now and they're catching up and trying to be friends again

26-27: that doesn't fucking work, they don't want to be friends. they always want each other when they think they're finally fine, they're both foolish to bet on this "whatever it is" when they know they're bound to lose. they want each other but they can't have each other, they hold the cards, they have a chance but taking that risk could ruin everything

28: oh my gooood fuck it let's hook up for old time's sake but also we both know that this shit won't go anymore but let's take this chance only for today (becomes a frequent thing every time sokka visits)

29: sokka has a realization and finds out that zuko still does have feelings. he wanted him but he couldn't reach sokka again, he's been keeping all of him in his memory to try to keep that love and now Sokka knows. oh shit wtf what now?

30: zuko and sokka have a talk. they have a small moment. maybe there is slow dancing involved. it really was foolish of us to think that we could stay the same. it would be so wonderful to go back to when we were younger, that short time was beautiful while it lasted. we both know that there is love in here but it can't happen again. im sorry

31: SIKE!!!! WE ARE SO BACK FR THIS TIME. you are the one i want, you're the one i've got, i'm not wasting this one lifetime without you. i will be the one you need, the way i can't be without you

32: zukka undivorced arc baby zukka back together. i know i've kissed you before but i didn't do it right, i haven't kissed you the way i should. let me kiss you like it used to be, not hurried or desperate, let me do it right and let me try again and again and again until we get it right. maybe there is no way to get it right and perfect but they still kiss so it's a perfect excuse

33: zuko and sokka retire, zuko ends the monarchy, they run off to the water tribe together just like they planned from the beginning. they could be anywhere but it doesn't matter where, they just want to be still with each other

34: *sokka voice* yue i just had a weird prophetic dream so if i die, look after zuko for me

35: sokka death scene amv. zuko loses sokka forever this time and there's no coming back now. he doesn't know how to be strong anymore if sokka isn't here to see him

36: zuko death scene amv. go get your stupid death on a rocking chair all calm and peaceful, old man

37: end credits

[solarpunkpresentspodcast]

Links Roundup

Here are some recent links from the interwebs that Ariel has been chewing over.

Rethinking Masculinity: Teaching Men How to Love and Be Loved

I have the softest soft spot for this sort of content, I’m not going to lie. As a girl who was taught to fear men (not just from being raised in Toronto during the height of the Stranger-Danger zeitgeist, or having my primary bullies throughout my life being boys, or having to be a teenager in the grossly regressive early 2000s, or attending youth group during the rise of Evangelical-style purity culture in my denomination), I kind of love the idea of not having to run through an internal safety checklist each time I meet or interact with a man and decide whether or not it’s worth the risk to engage. This is warped thinking! But it’s what I was taught to do to survive, and old habits are hard to shake, but knowing that there are men out there who are actively rethinking masculinity in an inherently feminist, decolonial way gives me hope that can change, and that future generations of little girls won’t have to dodge quite so much structural shittiness, and that future generations of little boys will feel much more comfortable with who they are.

Degrowth as a Concept and Practice: Introduction

I admit I’m actually not really knowledgeable about degrowth - like, sure, I know it’s a philosophy/proposed economic policy/theoretical concept / thing, and I like to think it’s pretty obvious in its aims from its very moniker, but I’ve never actually sat down and read up on the details of degrowth and what it would entail. Or talked to anyone knowledgeable about it, for that matter. So this article series is very nice as a primer.

Degrowth advocates argue that we need to transform our everyday practices to respect and work with the fragile, limited, yet bountiful Earth on which we rely to exist.

Sounds pretty solarpunk to me. But just because something sounds good doesn’t mean it’s actually good, so this series really helps dig into the details, especially if you’re not a policy wonk (and are more of a yes-okay-there-is-a-forest-but-let’s-pay-attention-to-the-tree-species person) like me. I think, however, that a lot of smaller projects that solarpunks are working on (such as makerspaces, community resiliency, and local production of goods/food) fits pretty well under the umbrella concept of “degrowth” even if that label hasn’t been applied to them.

The Animal Feed Industry’s Impact on the Planet

This is a fascinating article on the ramifications of the land-use needed for “making animals the caloric middlemen” in the human food chain. This is an aspect of meat-eating that I’m a little embarrassed to admit didn’t actually occur to me until university (when I learned about it from fellow students). City girl, what can I say? We all have blind spots.

Which is why I like that this article exists, because while I think it’s easy, knowing what I do now, to roll my eyes and go “pfft, coulda told you that for a nickel,” there are people out there, many of them I’m very sure, who probably haven’t encountered this as a concept before. CW, though, for the middle bit of the article. This isn’t a happy topic.

Population can’t be ignored. It has to be part of the policy solution to our world’s problems

I was ready to tear this article apart just on principle, as I am so used to encountering this type of thinking in the green movement as a signal for eco-fascism. “There are too many people” translates, in most cases, to “there are too many poor brown people”. This is repugnant ideology as it lays the groundwork for racism at least, if not outright violent massacres. However, this article is written by an Australian professor who makes it very clear that in so-called developed (aka white settler) nations, there is simply an amount of people that puts undue pressure on the natural environment, and our ability to feed ourselves. I wish there was more discussion of this in general, to combat the insidious eco-fascist narrative that overpopulation is an issue because of “those people over there”. That’s really not it at all.

Paradigm Shift: Part 4 - What Might a Sustainable Lifestyle Look Like?

This is part four of a series talking about living sustainably - and this particular article uses the author’s life as an example. I sort of love this kind of media - even though since she lives in the Pacific NorthWest in America, a lot of what she talks about is really not applicable to me - because it helps me to develop my imaginative tools. When faced with an issue in my life where a necessity clashes with a solarpunk value of mine (eg, getting around on my own vs not buying into automobility), I’m better able to think of alternatives (carsharing, transiting, using an electric or non- bike, etc) because I have a “rolodex” of examples in my imagination that I can shuffle through.

Plus it’s very hopeful and inspiring to read these sorts of stories. Yes, “carbon footprint” is a problematic concept and etc but there’s something to be said for carefully considering your lifestyle and deciding to do the difficult things in order to be a better neighbour to the flora and fauna around you. Which is nice.

[the-letterbox-archives]

The Rockdove Promise // Chapter 0:

"A God's Threat"

ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ ─── ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ ─── ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ

this chapter is a letterbox archives original. do not repurpose.

this chapter of the rockdove promise contains threats of violence. please proceed with caution if this topic is distressing.

ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ ─── ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ ─── ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ

There is fear amongst them. It floats through the atmosphere, poisoning the lakes and corrupting the cathedrals.

Our cathedrals.

It wasn’t a costly endeavour. Those terracotta toys have no souls to sell. They could never conceive of the pain that the weight of a nation has on ambrosia-stained hands. They will never understand how much their foolishness will cost them. Blood has laid under our fingernails for millennia. If anything, the tithes were doing them a favour. Terracotta does not bleed nor breathe nor anything of the sort. Letting something so fragile and inconsequential have more power than they can see will only lead to suffering.

So we asked for offerings of twigs and twine, a small cost for boons so grand. They’d be ignorant or insane to refuse.

But now they have.

Who let stone soldiers have a say in it? The matter is, when there is no soul to sell or self to scar, no request is refusable.

I understand what they want. To dethrone. Little clay usurpers want to batter down the gates and take our divine crowns by whatever means necessary. I trust that our swords and sicknesses will put them back into place. Who sits upon their thrones of rock and waste? Who dares to defy divine gifts? To think their ancestors before them were so compliant. Now they let our cathedrals gather dust. Silly revolutionaries. Anyone is courageous when the rain falls only for your call. But when the storms roll in, thunder muting the sound of battle drums, your true nature will be revealed.

Cowardice.

It hides within them, and the fear beckons it forth. Such a fatal flaw. Clay heaps like that will never win against the passion and perfection of deities like us. When cowardice and foolishness fall hand in hand in one creature, they could never hope to amount to anything more than an echo and a grave.

I’ve heard whispers of our next move. Begin quietly, let our messages carry on the wind, extend peacefulness to the barbarians. Only if they should refuse, so begins our judgement. But we are not ready. I am in the dark as to our entire plan. Yet there should be no question that our crusade will be painful.

I will melt their terracotta flesh.

For there is nothing if there is not power.

So I propose a solution more effective than our current ‘plan.’ Pierce their skies, burn their forests, desecrate the land on which their homes lie. Take mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, and rend them limb from limb until the message is clear. When termites rise from ramshackle castles and try to engulf palaces, there is only one option.

Nobody seems to know it; we are not made to rise from ashes. We are the fire. Loss is not negotiable.

Maybe they’ll see it harsh. Maybe they’ll see us cruel. If this much is true, maybe their eyes weren’t meant for seeing. Our kingdom is benevolent. Their wasteland deserves to be damned.

Offerings shall turn to sacrifices. We’ve declared it so. Sent by sparks of flame and songs of oracles, I will carry our message to them.

Should they wish to wager, they will find me here, with the rockdove.

ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ ─── ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ ─── ⲥⲁⲥⲟⲉⲧⲏⲉ𝛓 𝛓ⲥꞅⲓⲃⲉⲛⲇⲓ

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[bogusfilth]

Spain

Yesterday all the past. The language of size Spreading to China along the trade-routes; the diffusion Of the counting-frame and the cromlech; Yesterday the shadow-reckoning in the sunny climates.

Yesterday the assessment of insurance by cards, The divination of water; yesterday the invention Of cartwheels and clocks, the taming of Horse. Yesterday the bustling world of the navigators.

Yesterday the abolition of fairies and giants, The fortress like a motionless eagle eyeing the valley, The chapel built in the forest; Yesterday the carving of angels and alarming gargoyles.

The trial of heretics along the columns of stone; Yesterday the theological feuds in the taverns And the miraculous cure at the fountain; Yesterday the Sabbath of witches; but to-day the struggle.

Yesterday the installation of dynamos and turbines, The construction of railways in the colonial desert; Yesterday the classic lecture On the origin of Mankind. But to-day the struggle.

Yesterday the belief in the absolute value of Greek, The fall of the curtain upon the death of a hero; Yesterday the prayer to the sunset And the adoration of madmen. But to-day the struggle.

As the poet whispers, startled among the pines, Or where the loose waterfall sings compact, or upright On the crag by the leaning tower: "O my vision. O send me the luck of the sailor."

And the investigator peers through his instruments At the inhuman provinces, the virile bacillus Or enormous Jupiter finished: "But the lives of my friends. I inquire. I inquire."

And the poor in their fireless lodgings, dropping the sheets Of the evening paper: "Our day is our loss, O show us History the operator, the Organiser, Time the refreshing river."

And the nations combine each cry, invoking the life That shapes the individual belly and orders The private nocturnal terror: "Did you not found the city state of the sponge,

"Raise the vast military empires of the shark And the tiger, establish the robin's plucky canton? Intervene. O descend as a dove or A furious papa or a mild engineer, but descend."

And the life, if it answers at all, replies from the heart And the eyes and the lungs, from the shops and the squares of the city: "O no, I am not the mover; Not to-day, not to you. To you, I'm the

"Yes-man, the bar-companion, the easily-duped; I am whatever you do. I am your vow to be Good, your humorous story. I am your business voice. I am your marriage.

"What's your proposal? To build the just city? I will. I agree. Or is it the suicide pact, the romantic Death? Very well, I accept, for I am your choice, your decision. Yes, I am Spain."

Many have heard it on remote peninsulas, On sleepy plains, in the aberrant fisherman's islands Or the corrupt heart of the city, Have heard and migrated like gulls or the seeds of a flower.

They clung like burrs to the long expresses that lurch Through the unjust lands, through the night, through the alpine tunnel; They floated over the oceans; They walked the passes. All presented their lives.

On that arid square, that fragment nipped off from hot Africa, soldered so crudely to inventive Europe; On that tableland scored by rivers, Our thoughts have bodies; the menacing shapes of our fever

Are precise and alive. For the fears which made us respond To the medicine ad. and the brochure of winter cruises Have become invading battalions; And our faces, the institute-face, the chain-store, the ruin

Are projecting their greed as the firing squad and the bomb. Madrid is the heart. Our moments of tenderness blossom As the ambulance and the sandbag; Our hours of friendship into a people's army.

To-morrow, perhaps the future. The research on fatigue And the movements of packers; the gradual exploring of all the Octaves of radiation; To-morrow the enlarging of consciousness by diet and breathing

To-morrow the rediscovery of romantic love, The photographing of ravens; all the fun under Liberty's masterful shadow; To-morrow the hour of the pageant-master and the musician,

The beautiful roar of the chorus under the dome; To-morrow the exchanging of tips on the breeding of terriers, The eager selection of chairmen By the sudden forest of hands. But to-day the struggle.

To-morrow for the young the poets exploding like bombs, The walks by the lake, the weeks of perfect communion; To-morrow the bicycle races Through the suburbs on summer evenings. But to-day the struggle.

To-day the deliberate increase in the chances of death, The conscious acceptance of guilt in the necessary murder; To-day the expending of powers On the flat ephemeral pamphlet and the boring meeting.

To-day the makeshift consolations: the shared cigarette, The cards in the candlelit barn, and the scraping concert, The masculine jokes; to-day the Fumbled and unsatisfactory embrace before hurting.

The stars are dead. The animals will not look. We are left alone with our day, and the time is short, and History to the defeated May say Alas but cannot help nor pardon.

— W.H. Auden, March 1937

[dandelionsresilience]

Good News - April 1-7

Like these weekly compilations? Support me on Ko-fi! Also, if you tip me on here or Ko-fi, at the end of the month I’ll send you a link to all of the articles I found but didn’t use each week - almost double the content! (I’m new to taking tips on here; if it doesn’t show me your username or if you have DM’s turned off, please send me a screenshot of your payment)

1. Three Endangered Asiatic Lion Cubs Born at London Zoo

“The three cubs are a huge boost to the conservation breeding programme for Asiatic lions, which are now found only in the Gir Forest in Gujarat, India.”

2. United Nations Passes Groundbreaking Intersex Rights Resolution

“The United Nations Human Rights Council has passed its first ever resolution affirming the rights of intersex people, signaling growing international resolve to address rights violations experienced by people born with variations in their sex characteristics.”

3. Proposal to delist Roanoke logperch

“Based on a review of the best available science, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (Service) has determined that the Roanoke logperch, a large freshwater darter, is no longer at risk of extinction. […] When the Roanoke logperch was listed as endangered in 1989, it was found in only 14 streams. In the years since, Roanoke logperch surveys and habitat restoration have more than doubled the species range, with 31 occupied streams as of 2019.”

4. Fully-Accessible Theme Park Reopens Following Major Expansion

“Following the $6.5 million overhaul, the park now offers [among other “ultra-accessible” attractions] a first-of-its-kind 4-seat zip line that can accommodate riders in wheelchairs as well as those who need extra restraints, respiratory equipment or other special gear.”

5. ‘The Javan tiger still exists’: DNA find may herald an extinct species’ comeback

“A single strand of hair recovered from [a sighting] is a close genetic match to hair from a Javan tiger pelt from 1930 kept at a museum, [a new] study shows. “Through this research, we have determined that the Javan tiger still exists in the wild,” says Wirdateti, a government researcher and lead author of the study.”

6. Treehouse Village: Eco-housing and energy savings

““The entire place is designed and built to meet the passive house standard, which is the most energy-efficient construction standard in the world,” says resident Wayne Groszko, co-owner of one of the units at Treehouse.”

7. 50 rare crocodiles released in Cambodia's tropical Cardamom Mountains

“Cambodian conservationists have released 50 captive-bred juvenile Siamese crocodiles at a remote site in Cambodia as part of an ongoing programme to save the species from extinction.”

8. The Remarkable Growth of the Global Biochar Market: A Beacon of Environmental Progress

“Biochar, a stable carbon form derived from organic materials like agricultural residues and forestry trimmings, is a pivotal solution in the fight against global warming. By capturing carbon in a stable form during biochar production, and with high technology readiness levels, biochar offers accessible and durable carbon dioxide removal.”

9. 'Seismic' changes set for [grouse shooting] industry as new Scottish law aims to tackle raptor persecution

“Conservation scientists and campaigners believe that birds such as golden eagles and hen harriers are being killed to prevent them from preying on red grouse, the main target species of the shooting industry. […] Under the Wildlife Management and Muirburn Bill, the Scottish grouse industry will be regulated for the first time in its history.”

10. White House Awards $20 Billion to Nation’s First ‘Green Bank’ Network

“At least 70 percent of the funds will go to disadvantaged communities, the administration said, while 20 percent will go to rural communities and more than 5 percent will go to tribal communities. […] The White House said that the new initiative will generate about $150 billion in clean energy and climate investments[…].”

March 22-28 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[rocketkart95]

Tell us the story of you and the wife!!!!

I gotta warn ya, it's a long one

It all started 6 years ago! I was on meetme talking to this girl in the big city. I, a 23 year old country girl, had never seen a town with more than 600 people. We connected on a dumb meme circulating at the time and had a bunch in common.

So I decided one cold winters night that I'd leave work at 23:30, shower, and take off for the 9 hour drive to see this incredible woman whom I'd fallen head over tea kettle for. I only hit 3 blizzards on the way across 2 separate state lines and almost wrecked the car once when I skidded over ice through a national forest, but I made it to the big city at 11 Saturday morning

So I had a nap in her arms and we went off to explore the sights! Now mind you, I had 3 different family members AND my roomates panicking the whole time about losing my kidneys. We went to Walmart at 22:00 and I couldn't believe my eyes. You see dear reader, where I grew up, the general store closed at 18:30 and everywhere else closed at 19-20.

So she grabs a ring from the display (the 5-15 dollar cheepies) (again, we've talked over the course of 3 days I think) and proposed in the middle of the crafts section at the walmart, and of course I day yes

So we go to Dennys to celebrate our engagement! I've never been to a Dennys so I'm bewildered at the balls of pancake they brought out and the icing I've never been able to replicate. So we go back to her place for more snuggling and stuff just talking about whatever came to mind.

2am Sunday morning I head off with tears in my eyes to head back across 2 state lines to pickup my roomate so we could both go to work, and I get home at midnight, absolutely obliterated. So dumbass (that's me) starts job hunting in her area. No responses at all. Welp I guess that's a sign, back to our regularly scheduled programming. So I'm talking to her and I mention the lack of job and she literally said it's normal and it'll be easier if I'm there to do it in person.

So I head up there for another weekend plus a couple days and I hit the temp agencies hard, determined to get something, and I did! So after 3 visits and 4 weeks we pool money together and get our first apartment together! It was a 4 bedroom bottom floor of a duplex for not much at all. We clean up the mess the last tenants left and got it sorta furnished.

So I go back home and quit my job that I hated and it was the best day ever. And I loaded up my car with the first load of stuff and moved in! 2 more car loads and everything I owned was moved in.

She gave me the ring on May 17 2018

Tomorrow we celebrate 6 years of happy marriage

@genderfluidgothwitch @spacedustpan