#professor robot sex here to explain the intricacies of being a freak 💖

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

You do know that fornication with cybertronians, regardless of faction is impossible as they would crush us due to their sheer sieze and weight, right? It would also be considered immoral and beastiality if we are talking about the predacons for example.

Y'know, I was originally just going to dunk on you for unironically using the word Fornicate in the year of our Lord Primus 2025, but this seems to a genuine, good-faith argument you've constructed here and to leave it at a joke would be flippant on my part, and I hold myself to a higher standard than that. So! Allow me to counter these points one by one.

While in reality, yes, the likelihood of death or injury from letting a 20-foot robot that weighs as much as a truck rail you full force would probably be pretty high, the nice thing about fiction and fantasy is that it doesn't really need to be grounded in reality. And even if you can't entirely suspend your disbelief on that level, there are still workarounds.

For example, not every transformer has all the mass of a semi truck. Their sizes have quite a bit more variation than you might be anticipating. Animated Prowl is only like 10 feet tall, 12 tops, and a smaller motorcycle only weighs around 350-400 pounds, which really isn't all that crazy. You look at G1 Rumble and Frenzy, and they're hardly taller than the humans. And then you look at the Beast Wars cast and some of the Maximal are straight up shorter than I am. Rattrap is like 4 foot nothin'.

Now, I know what you're thinking. We certainly do not limit ourselves to lusting over the smaller bots here on cybertron-smash-or-pass dot tumblr dot edu, so what gives? Well, my dear, we've found a reasonable canon excuse to bring the very big very heavy robots down to a more manageable and less hazardous size through the magic of ✨mass displacement✨. Basically, if Soundwave can scale down into an itty bitty cassette player that can easily be picked up like it weighs nothing, there's really no reason a 30-foot robot as heavy as a jet couldn't scale down into a smaller, human-ish-sized robot. They have the technology.

Now say someone doesn't really want to make their fictional robot boyfriend smaller. Maybe the insane overall size is part of the appeal, but they still can't get over the thought of whatever they're packing being way too big to avoid injury. While Cybertronians are typically humanoid, their junk doesn't really have to be in perfect proportion with a human's. No rule that says you can't scale it down enough to fit! But then, maybe they can work with the equipment being comically big, but they can't get over the idea of being crushed. Easy solution, human can't get crushed if they're on top!

Maybe they can't picture the spike fitting at all, and scaling it down just looks a little too silly, but they're still attracted to a big ol' robot. At that point, the best workaround I can give is just sticking with picturing non-penetrative sex. Not like there's only one way to do it, and nobody can stop you from imagining Optimus prime having at it between your thighs, or scissoring with Megatron <3

Now as for whether some of it is immoral, I don't really think banging a Predacon would be wrong? Whether we're talking about the beast wars preds or the tfp preds, they're all treated as adults with human-level intelligence, so they'd be able to give consent, unlike earth animals. Sex with Optimus Primal is really a lot closer to bangin' a guy in a gorilla suit at a costume party than hopping into an actual gorilla enclosure and bending over. While an argument could be made about the tfp predacons being technically very young, and it'd be perfectly valid to be uncomfortable sexualizing them with that in mind, not everyone is going to interpret them as being immature since it seems they start off in that continuity generally having their shit together and knowing enough as to not be easily taken advantage of.

So with all that said, I hope you at least have a clearer picture of how the mind of a robotfucker operates!!