#probably won't have anything to post today so why not get to those answers

[inked-up-gentleman]

"Stop carrying old feelings into new experiences."

That is what one of your posts says.

I'm curious if you follow this advice for yourself? I ask because I have followed you for a very long time and am very familiar with what you post and how you respond to and answer your anon 'asks'

A lot of the time, it seems as though you blame your past for how you are today and why you don't trust. You respond with words that very much say you're doing exactly that.....allowing your past to carry over into your present. It's very clear you've been hurt and/or screwed over and it's been that way for a LONG time now. When are you going start following that quote? To stop carrying old feelings into new experiences."

I know you love the attention, I mean, who wouldn't? And why would someone post as many photos. gifs, writings/thoughts and anon, asks? You thrive on attention. I'd go as far as to say you need the attention. I think the shit from the past is just an excuse to do exactly what you're doing now which garners tons of traffic and ooooo's and ahhhhh's for you. Is it possible you're not ready to give that up so you keep this front/wall up and use the past as an excuse?

None of this is meant maliciously or judgmentally so hopefully all your groupies stay off my ass about it. That's why I won't ask you off anon. (although I have sent a few asks as myself before so we've had interaction.) I just don't trust that your followers won't respond badly and then start that bully mentality because so many of them seem to be protective (and obsessed) with you. Some of them excessively. I just genuinely wonder if when you saw that post, did you pause and say "yeah, you outta let that shit go man"?

Hope you're having a great weekend.

I wasn't going to respond to this at first but I'll lay it all out for you.

First and foremost, I don't see this as being hostile, but you're definitely making some assumptions here that people have made before. That being said, I ask that anyone who responds to this do so respectfully.

Did I follow that advice from that post myself? Yes, to an extent. You're assuming I don't want to be in a relationship due to last relationship and what my ex put me through. Though that's easy to assume, that's not the entire case. Right now my peace is my number one priority and if I deem it suitable to risk it for someone, I will. Until then, I'm completely content with being alone.

I'm still dealing with the damage, sure. But I've slowly turned that energy into productivity for my business and turning my house into a home. It took time, but everything is slowly coming together. That being said, there's only 1 or 2 people on this entire Hell site that have idea of what I was put through. This was far more than just an 8 year relationship that ended. But I will heal how I see fit.

"you thrive on attention" that's an assumption that YOU made. Yes, I post a LOT of selfies and pictures. But if you take the time to notice, they are pictures of what I enjoy doing. Riding the bike, spending time at the gym, relaxing with the pups, reading, whatever else it may be. Not once have I ever posted a nude of any kind. Which, if I wanted attention, that's probably what I would be doing (no offense to those that do post nudes). The closest thing you'll come to a nude is me wearing silkies, but I also go to public gyms in those.

I post what I post here because this and my TikTok account are the ONLY places I can go to truly be myself without it impacting my personal life or my business and I think a lot of you forget that. I absolutely love all my followers and the support they give me here. But nowhere do you see me trying to lure anyone in with anything. I've been 100% transparent from the start and always will be.

Yes, I get a TON of thirsty asks here. Who doesn't though? And though there are plenty of them, you are also forgetting the ones that ask me about working out, losing weight, starting a workout routine, thinking about getting a bike, first time riding tips and tricks, relationship advice or just for wisdom in general. But I digress...

Did I ever tell myself "yeah, I should let that shit go" absolutely. More than once and long before I ever shared that post. But I still learned some very hard lessons from that experience and it was far more than just pain and trauma that I had to let go.

I hope this answered your questions and helped you (and anyone else that was wondering) understand. And I hope you had a great weekend as well.

[zanarkandfayth]

Would love to read your answers to questions 3, 9, 13, 17, 18, 26, 29, 31, 32, 50, and, if there's another number (or several) you really wanna answer, please add those too ✨

thank you for the ask!! <33 I wrote you novels in return gjdskglj

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

oooh this one is so hard because I love most of my fics for different reasons, even my older ones (at least the ones on ao3. we ignore the ones left behind on ffnet lmao). hhhh, of completed ones that are posted, imma have to say monsters honestly, because damn did I put some heart into that. but the one I'd probably consider absolute best is the still ongoing, not yet posted 600K+ beast of a fic I usually refer to as "nanofic" that I've been working on since 2019. it won't be everyone's cup of tea, but it just gets so deep into noct's trauma that I inflict on him and his slow recovery from it, more than I've done for any other fic, and I've poured so much blood sweat and tears into that thing, it's kinda everything to me.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

written, no. been tempted to in the past, but it was too much effort and I already had too many fics for my main fandoms. I have read fandom blind for both harry potter and supernatural in the past though, like lates 2000s into mid 2010s. both were kinda on accident. supernatural in particular is because it kept getting crossed over with MULTIPLE of my fandoms. psych, house md, and criminal minds. so I started reading non-crossover supernatural fics in self-defense gsdklgjdks

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

I mean… this is the first paragraph of one of my fics from my first fandom when I was fifteen. you tell me 😂

"Relena smiled as she sipped her tea and mentally reviewed the day's schedule. 8:00 am- peace talk to the world. 10:00 am- conference with Romefeller. 1:00 pm- try to convince Dorothy to become a pacifist because she was to stupid to understand that Dorothy loved war. Rest of the day- annoy the HELL out of Heero Yuy. Smiling happily again (PLEASE! Her smile is SO annoying), she stood up and was just about to take a step when …. suddenly a freak falling cow killed her!!! =^.^= The gundam boys all burst out of closets around the room and rejoiced."

the biggest change is probably that I actually write well now lmao. and don't character bash. and don't throw author's notes and emoticons in the middle of fics, and have learned to format better, and, and…

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

oh god. let me hide before I answer this. hands down, it's shadows growing. like let me be clear, it's not bad by any means. I'm still fond of it. but I did not have a clear plan when I started writing it, and I really feel like that shows. it was not meant to be a fix-it fic. it was not meant to be a longer fic. it was not meant to be much of anything, tbh. I saw the prompt on the kink meme and the prologue literally started writing itself in my head and I was like "nah idk what I'd do with that" and I scrolled past, but I couldn't focus on reading other prompts and so I went back and just started typing the fic in a reply to the prompt. honestly I figured I'd write whatever I could and then when I left it unfinished, no one would know because I was anon and I had like one fic posted on ao3 for ffxv at the time and I was used to being a complete fandom nobody. the fact that shadows growing got me even somewhat noticed was unexpected and I was not prepared gdjskgjdskl

it definitely affected the fic because once the readers started picking up it made me feel suuuuper stressed and I was so afraid to stray too far from canon because I thought people would hate that??? for some reason??? no there's logic there. I was just overwhelmed. and I do get why people love it, because the whump and the friendship between the boys is really good. but I cannot help but look at it and remember how out of my depth I felt at the time and wish that I had been brave enough to diverge more from canon and smart enough to come up with a better ending. I still suspect there were quite a few people who felt let down by the ending and that's fair honestly. anyways, yeah, it's a good fic and I'm fond of it and most of the attention and the recs it got were in the first couple years of the game being out and I don't begrudge it being my most popular fic, I just. have better ones now I feel like gjsdgjskgsj but maybe not ones as many people would want to read. which is fine with me tbh.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

the gladio oneshot in my "fayth's daddy issues week" series! (I wrote all those fics so back to back that I can't remember the titles for any of them whoops.) I adore that fic and it got so little attention compared to most of the other fics in that week, or my fics overall tbh. the only one that got even less was the one about iris 🤣 but I don't care much for the iris one either, even though I think it has some stellar banter between the boys and cute/funny prompto/gladio moments. I really love the gladio one though, because it was fun to revisit gladio's pov in a fic and I got to develop a bit of backstory for him that's been evolving into headcanon and there's a good chunk of ignis and gladio friendship that was the precursor to all their friendship in monsters, plus I got to make gladio cry, so. I love it <3

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

characterisation, for sure. it's the one thing I agonise over and actually worry about what readers might think at times, especially as I get further away from having played the game to keep it fresh in my mind. so anyone commenting that it feels right makes me roll around on my bed in glee. the other aspect I equally enjoy is people commenting on the emotions. like, that the ones I wrote the characters having feel real/deep, that it made the reader feel them too, etc. stuff like that. cos the emotions are literally why I write fic lol.

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

I am dumb and am struggling to understand what this question is asking, tbh. is it like, do I write for as many fandoms as I read, or something? because fuck no in that case, haha. the only fandoms I've done major writing for (more than one or two fics) are gundam wing, digimon adventure, final fantasy x, and final fantasy xv. and I've read for something like 100 fandoms, idk. at one point I had a list but I stopped keeping track eventually.

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

well… I didn't really understand the concept of characterisation for fanfic until a little before I started writing for ffx. so uh, it's kinda non-existent in my gdw and digimon fics. but once I actively started trying for it… honestly maybe just yuna from final fantsy x. I had some things featuring her meant to be longer fics that were set during the game (most of my posted stuff is set pre-canon, with no yuna in sight) but I never finished and/or posted them because I always felt shaky on yuna's characterisation. I don't think I've majorly struggled with anyone in ffxv to the point that I've felt too dissatisfied with characterisation to post. but at the same time I'm sure none of them are actually perfectly right xD but they FEEL more or less right to me, which is all I care about.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

noct. I mean. he's my blorbo for a reason xD my beloved, I relate to him so much and the rest of it I just project lololol. I make a point to not actually just write myself as noct, cos I personally ain't about that, but it feels very easy to write him without needing to think too deeply about his thoughts/feelings/reactions most of the time. they feel instinctual to me, even when it's something that would differ from my own thoughts/feelings/reactions if I was in a similar situation.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

YES and the answer to this question is one of the reasons antis/purity culture upsets me so fucking much. it's a personal/sensitive answer though so skip if you don't want to read that xD but. reading rape/sexual abuse & aftermath fics as a teenager is what helped me to understand that, even though there was no outright rape happening, I was still being abused. seeing my favourite characters have the courage to tell someone about their abuse and get help is what encouraged me to tell one of my friends during an AIM conversation late one night when I was sixteen, and she convinced me to tell my therapist at my next appointment, who then told my mom, and yeah let's just say that was a very significant and eventually positive impact (it was a rocky road) on my life. if none of that had happened I genuinely think the CSA would have continued escalating into eventual rape. so thank FUCK for fanfic and I seethe with rage every time some shitfuck anti tries to claim there's no good to be found in such fics. plus in general it just helps with my mental health and I've made plenty of friends through fic over the years, even if they come and go I'm still grateful to have known them for that time, and writing fic is the one thing that gives life any meaning for me, etc. so yeah I'd say at least 99% positive.

and now, I will add a few to answer, because you said I could lmao

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

it is a toss-up between horizon road, an ffx fic featuring a toxic, fucked up relationship between tidus and auron that I still really love, or endless skies, a really self-indulgent digimon fic. they're both old at this point, horizon road I started in 2005, and endless skies was in 2016. horizon road suffers from me having no solid ideas for it beyond the three chapters I wrote, and endless skies is painfully fully outlined, but it was such a hard, research-intensive fic to write for a number of reasons, and now looking at it also just reminds me of an ex-friend who I feel very negative towards (because I talked to them a lot while plotting/writing and they even wrote some of the smut scenes for me, though I've since removed those) and even if I wasn't still deeply entrenched in ffxv, I don't think I could bring myself to ever work on it again :/ which sucks because I did adore it very much.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

…okay, I think anyone who has read shadows growing and then has also read or even looked at my ignoct fics knows that the ignoct is very much present in shadows growing gjdskgjsk as much as I will swear up and down it's platonic, and people certainly can take it that way if they want, like. come on. it's there. at a point, it very much was intentional. BUT. it did start out accidental. the og prompt asked for either gen or OT4 and I don't ship OT4 so I was gonna do gen but noct and ignis kept blurring the lines when I started writing scenes with them gdsjkgdjkl aaaaand actually I didn't start monsters with the intention of it being ignoct either. (the ignoct bits in the first chapter I actually added in a rewrite of that chapter lmao.) nor the tiny little epilogue in heavy is the burden that nudges into hinting at ignoct territory. fuck, even the ignoct in my very first ffxv wasn't meant to be so overt as it was gjdsklgjks there's also tiny hints of it in some of my fayth's daddy issues week fics (not counting the one that's deliberately and stated to be ignoct).

…actually now that I'm writing this I'm realising very little of my ignoct has been deliberately planned at the start 😂 the sequel to shadows growing, grey skies, was planned, at least xD the promptio that shows up towards the end of the fic was an accident though gjsdkgljslk it just. happened??? I didn't even LIKE promptio when I started writing that fic. huh. maybe accidental shipping is just my thing in writing ffxv fics.

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

wanted to answer this one, because, I'm NOT talking in terms of other people here. I don't mean to sound dismissive or ungrateful, because I do appreciate the people who read my fics, it makes me happy, but like. it's not why I write OR post. I'm not "producing content" for people; if someone is unhappy with me for not posting more fics, that's their problem. but in terms of myself… yeah, I do wish I had more to post. not because I feel like I've got some kind of arbitrary quota to meet. like, quite frankly, I have over a million words of fic posted on ao3, and given that I have a single unposted fic that's over 600K alone, I'm positive I have at least 2mil total words written. it's just that I wish I could write more consistently/frequently? I feel like I never write as much as I want to, and I know a lot of it is because of my worsening health, so maybe that's why I just feel so frustrated and dissatisfied with my output, but man, sometimes I look at my number of posted works on ao3 and feel like it's such a low number for how long I've been writing ): both for ffxv specifically and for all my fics total. I know it's silly, but the feeling persists nonetheless.

thank you again for the ask!! I feel happy getting to answer questions and ramble about my fics :D and it was really fun to think about my answers and realise a thing or two haha.

[marveinator]

Afraid- Ellie Williams (3)

Afraid- Ellie Williams (Part 3)

part 1 -> part 2 –> part 4

Summary: You and Ellie stay a bit in the cabin, and decide to play a game of truth or dare. Things indeed turn out in a weird way...

A/N: WHEN I TELL YOU I FORGOT I WANTED TO POST TODAY LMAO... Ty guys sm for the support on the last parts, I love you all. I adore you so so much and the fact that people are reading this story is just insane to me. THE NEXT PART WILL BE SO GAY- be excited. It´s gonna get all sweaty and there is gonna be lots of tension... but first- get your popcorn ready for this one. ENJOY!

Chapter warnings: mention(s) of drug use, flirting, idk.... bye!

"You gotta stop looking at me like that babe, or we both won't get any sleep tonight-"

I was staring at her. What was this fucking weed doing to me? I was no longer myself anymore. Which also made my mood swings kick in... "We should get going," I suddenly said dryly. Ellie's facial expression turned from flirty to serious and-did I see that right-disappointed?

"It's too dark for that. That's what I told you." I swallowed. If we didn't leave now, I was sure I would be making a big mistake.

"Ellie, don't act like you've never ridden back in the dark before. There aren't that many zombies around here anyway, are there?" I knew the answer. My question was unnecessary. I asked it anyway, simply to escape this situation.

"What are you trying to run away from babe?" Ellie whispered as she slowly leaned in closer and took another drag from the cigarette. I felt like my heart was going to stop. Those damn green eyes. I could get lost in them.

There must be a way time would pass faster then... I frowned and tried not to stare directly at Ellie. Running away now, I realized, was definitely a stupid idea-unless I wanted to die today. I again felt the urge to do something very stupid, the high not helping.

"Babe look, I know the sight of me is irresistible, but I'd still like an answer to my question. Unless you want to solve this whole situation some other way-" she said as she leaned in even closer. "I-" was all I could get out, this girl… where did all my hatred towards her go? I was probably red as a tomato and realized how I was nervously playing with my fingers. Suddenly it was hot. Very hot. Too hot-

"Okay- this is your fault. Truth or dare."

What? Was she serious? Or more like- crazy? Where did she get the stupid idea to play such a childish game? But however, the temptation to play it was there and it was huge, so I just nodded silently, immediately regretting it.

"Alright, I'll start…. Truth or dare?" asked the brunette in front of me, still holding the now very small cigarette in her hand. "Truth," I replied, hoping it would be an innocuous question. Ellie rolled her eyes playfully and shook her head. "Boring, but alright. Who was your first kiss?" Great. I could have guessed the questions would go in that direction. "None of your business," I said simply. And I was right. Why did she want to know such things anyway?

"Oh babe, you're really giving me a hard time right now," Ellie muttered as she finally flicked the burnt cigarette from her fingers, only to turn her gaze back to me. "Those are the rules. You have to tell me the truth. Now don't be such a chicken."

A chicken? I'd show her that I definitely wasn´t a chicken. "Fine. Liam. But only because I've never really had contact with anyone else." Wow- I couldn't believe I just said that… I was talking to Liam's killer about him, was I completely crazy? Yeah, but also high… whatever.

"Oh. Um- did you like it at least? So it was your only kiss too?" Even though the round was over and it was Ellie's turn now, I still answered her questions. "Well, I don't know, don't have anything to compare it to because yes, it was my first kiss and so far my only kiss. But now you- truth or dare?", I asked Ellie. She shook her head and contorted her face a bit, apparently surprised by my answer, before replying, "Dare. You know, ´cause I´m not a chicken." And there was that smirk on her lips that might make me want to jump onto her and-

"Mmm- interesting. I don't know- like, what am I supposed to say? Swap shirts with me?", I said with raised eyebrows. I really didn't know what I was saying anymore. At least this game kept me awake….

"Good one," Ellie said as she lifted her arms and pulled her sweater over her head. I couldn't help but stare at her. The tattoo on her arm, her hands, her accentuated belly- wow.

Ellie noticed my look and grinned again. How I hated it. "Your turn, pretty girl."

What- WHAT?! Did she just- without thinking any further about it I took off my shirt too and handed it to Ellie. She gave me her sweater and I pulled it over my head. I would have liked it better if we would have stayed like this- without clothes…

"Well now you again… Truth or dare," whispered the brunette across from me as she leaned down and put her hand on my knee. I felt my whole body start to tingle. I wanted her to put her hand away- or at least that was what my brain was telling me. My body, however, reacted quite differently.

"Dare," I couldn't take it anymore, something had to happen. The weed was doing things to me and Ellie was sitting in front of me with my shirt on and it felt like I was forgetting everything that had happened, what she had done, what was around us and what would happen the next day. I just wanted to- what did I want? I don't know. But I had the feeling Ellie knew exactly.

Ellie Williams POV "Dare" I heard her say, and immediately my heart started pounding. Sure, with truth you could ask intimate questions, but dare was something else again... Slowly, I moved my hand that was on her knee a little higher before looking deeper into her beautiful eyes. "Oh darling, you don't even know what you're doing to me right now…" Before I could lean in closer towards her to whisper what she needed to do, I heard an all too familiar sound in the distance. Clicker. Fuck.

your POV Did I just hear that right? Spellbound by Ellie's eyes, I shook my head to concentrate. "Is that- what I think it is?", I asked her in a shaky tone. The mood had changed in one fell swoop. Ellie stood up, dug in her backpack for her pistol, and loaded it. "From now on, you have to be quiet. No sound," the brunette ordered. "But Ellie-", I tried to argue, but the girl was quickly on her knees again and held her hand in front of my mouth. "You listen to what I say from now on. No arguing." And with those two sentences, I went quiet. Cautiously, I went to reach for my own gun, but Ellie shook her head. Was she trying to protect me now? Well, she did owe me a few things...

Ellie Williams POV She was known for one thing, she just couldn't stay calm. All the more I was surprised that she obeyed me. Probably only because she had not met the zombies that often yet and had a hellish fear. Normally she had patrol with someone else, in areas where there were really almost none.

Well, I thought there were none (anymore) in this area too, especially not in here, but I immediately realized that this was different, when suddenly I saw a clicker standing in the middle of the door. At least he was still away far enough, I had time to prepare for a fight. The bad thing was, I didn't know if there were more. This would mean that if I shot him, a whole herd would probably come running.

I looked down beside me to see her sitting there. Her hands were shaking and her face was pale, but she was still beautiful. Her hair fell in her face and brushed her eyelashes. She sat there, on the floor, so innocent- in my sweater. I could get used to seeing her in my clothes….

I was jolted out of my thoughts as the clicker kept coming in our direction. I raised my gun, trying not to make any noise as I got closer to him. Maybe I could pull the knife out of my pocket and stab him that way? But would this be so much quieter? I knew how these things could scream.

I turned around once more, and nodded to the girl sitting there so fearfully. I had to make a decision now. And so I decided to shoot. After two shots, the clicker was already dead on the ground, and stopped squealing.

"Get up, we have to get out of here," I said hastily. I grabbed my backpack and reached out a hand to help her up.

your POV Gratefully, I accepted Ellie's hand and clasped it to let her pull me up. I briefly felt a strange tingling sensation again, but it stopped when the brunette let go. "Grab your stuff, we don't have any time to waste. More of them could come in here at any time." I nodded and grabbed my bag and dark gray jacket, and we were already on our way out. It was snowing and definitely very cold. I wanted to hide my hands in my pockets, but I had to hold my gun. How smart of me to forget my gloves exactly today...

"Can you even fight?" Ellie asked. "Of course I can- why shouldn't I be able to fight?!", I replied indignantly. "I don't know," Ellie shook her head, "Never really seen you in action before." Great. Was I supposed to prove something to her or what? No. Was I trying to prove something to her? Hell yeah. "Alright. When we get back to Jackson, you and me. A duel. But at your house, I only have one room at Maria and Tommy's and there's definitely not enough room to fight" I suggested. Ellie grinned AGAIN and agreed with me. "Alright."

Slowly, we made our way to Shimmer and mounted up. From the looks of it, there were no clickers here anymore... luckily.

Now that we were both on the horse, we rode back. The whole way back we were both silent, but just before we got to Jackson's gate, I heard Ellie whisper a soft, "Please don't make her regret it," which I guess I wasn't supposed to hear. That's when it all came back to me.

We had almost kissed. We got high together and had played truth or dare. I was too tired to get worked up about it now, but I knew tomorrow-I would sink into shame.

[asyastudieskorean]

01.16.2024 — I now have over 100% in class thanks to my very detailed weekly check-in, which I was actually afraid was too long and complicated, but the professor appreciated my dedication and effort, so I got 6/5 points. I mean, I’ll take it, lol.

Basically, among many other questions, my main question was how to use the formal there is/there are verb 있습니다 in place of 있어요. I tend to use the formal form (있습니다/입니다) over the 이에요/여요 form when speaking with my professor. Just for funsies. Sort of.

So! For context, we have been covering the 에 place marker and the 가다 (to go) verb (but as 가요 when actually used). So, we can ask things like where are you going?, where is [place]?, and say the statement or answer version of those things, i.e, I’m going [here] or this [place] is near [place], etc. But the textbook only gave examples with 이에요/여요 and 있어요/없어요.

For the formal forms, you’d use it in the same way with just a few adjustments.

For 이에요/여요, the formal would be 입니다 and 이/가 + 아닙니다 (negative be verb, as is “not”). For questions, you’d use 입니까 or 아닙니까.

Does the 이/가 marker need to also be used in the formal question form 아닙니까? Well, I’m not sure. Maybe. I think it depends on the sentence and subject. For now, I'll just keep things un-complicated and use 입니까. Baby steps, ok, baby steps.

And same thing for 있어요/없어요. It’s 있습니다/ 없습니다 and, for questions, 있습니까 and 없습니까.

Quite literally the difference between a green apple and a red apple folks.

Below are some practical examples, where the same sentences are in the standard(?) form and the formal form (pink). As you can see, it is usually just a matter of switching out one form for the other. The biggest changes you'll make are in questions using the formal form, for which I am still slightly unclear on, but here goes:

여기는 남산이에요. Here (This) is Namsan.

여기는 남산입니다. Here (This) is Namsan.

여기는 남산 안 이에요. This isn't Namsan.

여기는 남산이 아닙니다. This isn't Namsan. (Actually not 100% sure about this one, lol).

약국이 어디에 있어요? Where is the pharmacy?

약국이 어디에 있습니까? Where is the pharmacy?

약국은 병원 뒤에 있어요. The pharmacy is behind the hospital. (When it's clear, you could also omit the subject (yellow) in these responses.)

약국은 병원 뒤에 있습니다. The pharmacy is behind the hospital.

약국은 병원 뒤에 있어요? Is the pharmacy behind the hospital?

약국은 병원 뒤에 있습니까? Is the pharmacy behind the hospital?

약국은 병원 뒤에 없어요. The pharmacy is not behind the hospital.

약국은 병원 뒤에 없습니다. The pharmacy is not behind the hospital.

Actually, to make this long post even longer, I picked up on something while re-watching "A Breeze of Love" for the hundredth time the other night (watch it!!).

Basically, homeboy wanted bread for breakfast, so he asked his roommate (for lack of a better word) if there was bread, but instead of using 있어요, he used 없어요, so he basically asked, 빵 없어요? (There isn't bread?) instead of 빵 있어요? (Is there bread?). Fundamentally, these mean the same thing, right? But I reckon this sort of thing can be used as a rhetorical thing. Like if the guy had already looked for bread and knew there probably wasn't any there, so he chose to say There isn't bread? Or, if he assumed there was no bread for whatever reason (his roommate did moments before say he ate a full meal with rice for breakfast, lol).

This is just like English speakers will say this sort of thing to be rhetorical (make a point beyond the actual question/statement); their point is not to ask if there is bread, but to ask why there isn't bread, i.e., how can you not have bread? Why isn't there any here? You get the idea. Anyway, I love language, so I find it interesting to talk and think about these things. Okay, that's all for today. Besides this post (which was really just a way for me to study and review some concepts), I won't be doing anything new until tomorrow, when I get into this week's chapter topics. Until then!

[sylvia-forest]

[CN] Shaw's 6th Anniversary event - Finale (Part 1)

⚡ Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an Event which hasn't been released in EN yet!⚡

[Day 5]

MC: Do you remember the event "To Myself 365 Days Later" that we participated in last year?

Shaw: I haven't forgotten. Judging by your excitement, did you receive the letter you wrote to yourself last year? MC: Exactly! Did you receive yours? Shaw: Let me check... Oh, indeed, I did. MC: Quickly, let me see what questions you asked last year. Shaw: Hold on, do you want to see mine? How about exchanging yours? MC: ...Alright, let's look at mine first and then yours!

Under the bright lights, Shaw's eyes sparkled with curiosity, as if waiting for my answer.

Looking at the familiar yet distant questions in the email, my heart was stirred.

The first question I asked myself was: Are you living happily? My answer was...

After answering, I looked at the unusually quiet Shaw.

MC: Why aren't you saying anything? Not even a sarcastic comment...?

Shaw: Because you look so serious, much more refreshing than when you're usually making a fuss. Shaw: I don't want to spoil the atmosphere. MC: After all, it's a ceremonial thing, of course, we should treat it well. MC: Now it's your turn.

Shaw smiled, slowly took out his phone.

He didn't rush to open the email; instead, his gaze fixed on me.

Shaw: It's up to you to look, but let's get one thing straight—I won't answer every question. MC: Are you afraid your questions are "difficult to answer"? Shaw: What are you thinking? How could I dig a pit for myself?

He stubbornly squinted his eyes, raised his hand, and opened the email.

—

Life is not like archaeology—no clear origins, no clear classifications. Many questions need to be answered by oneself. But I've always enjoyed taking on challenges.

So today, I wrote down these questions. As for how to comprehend them, it's up to you a year from now.

As for me, I like to add difficulty for my future self. Now, tell me, which moment of hers was the silliest this year?

Do you know how to skillfully handle her when she pretends to be angry?

When she buries herself in work and ignores you, how can you attract her attention reasonably?

You probably have the answers already, right?

—

A ripple of emotions surged within me, and I happily leaned in front of Shaw.

MC: Why are all your questions related to me? Shaw: What do you think? In that situation last year, I couldn't think of anything else.

I paused for a moment, realizing what he meant by "that situation," and then chuckled.

MC: Some people looked composed at the time, but unexpectedly, they had their own troubles~

[T/N]: By ‘that situation’ means, Shaw and MC were having a “cold war” last year, although Shaw looked calm and composed on the outside but inside he was wrecking his mind as how to end this "cold war"! You can read the event from here.

He slightly averted his gaze, speaking somewhat unnaturally.

Shaw: Anyway, those are all in the past. MC: True, let's focus on the present~ So, these questions related to me should be easy to answer, right?

Seeing that I set a trap, Shaw grinned and seemed ready to counterattack.

Shaw: Still not difficult? The first one is a tough one. Shaw: You've had too many silly moments; I can't rank them. MC: ...Then you can skip it! Answer the second one first! Shaw: No, I like taking on challenges. Shaw: The silliest moment... Should I say singing in the shower? Shaw: Or perhaps every time you work overtime with that "life has no meaning" look? Shaw: Let's use the process of elimination. First, list the rare moments when you're clever. Shaw: This way, what's left will be the silliest... MC: Shaw!

I raised my fist, but he grabbed it and then turned me around, holding me in his arms.

Shaw: I already answered the second question. Shaw: In terms of counterattacking, I've become more proficient.

The breath tickling my neck made me laugh uncontrollably.

MC: Alright, alright, I won't argue with you! Answer the third one quickly!

Shaw: The third question is framed incorrectly.

I paused, turning to look at him.

Shaw: As long as it's something I want to do at the moment, I won't consider what's reasonable. Shaw: Whether it's kidnapping you or tempting you with something fun. Shaw: I won't let any opportunity slip by.

In the dim light, his confident expression gleamed. I chuckled and nestled into his embrace.

MC: But I won't cooperate with you every time.

Shaw: Doesn't matter. There's always a way to make you cooperate. Shaw: I'm always confident about that.

—

MC: Since it's a little flower hat you gave me, I've decided to let you help me put it on~ Shaw: ...Troublesome. MC: Hmph, then I'll put it on myself. ￣⁠ヘ⁠￣ Shaw: Did I say I wouldn't help? Shaw: There, it's on. (一_,一) You look even sillier now. Shaw: Indeed, this silly and cute style doesn't really suit you.

MC: Is that so? Then why does someone keep staring at me? MC: Could it be they find me cute but are too shy to say it out loud? Shaw: Tch, what's there to be shy about? MC: Oh? Is that so? My ears are perking up—Shaw! MC: (///¯皿¯) Why are you using the hat to press down my ears! MC: Shaw, aren't we supposed to be heading back? Where else are we going on the way? Shaw: You'll find out when you get there. Shaw: It's definitely beyond your expectations.

—

MC: Undersea tunnel...?! MC: Wait, isn't this supposed to be a detour on the way back? MC: How did we end up crossing several cities to get here? Shaw: It's a secret. Shaw: You'll find out when the time comes.

—

The moment I stepped into the passage, it was as if I had entered another world of wonder.

The arched passage, made of a giant transparent glass, extends forward under a "blue sky," and waves of fish swim by.

Curious, I look around, and Shaw raises his jaw at me.

Shaw: Just looking at it is boring. How about... we also swim under the sea? MC: You mean scuba diving! Shaw: Let's broaden our horizons a bit. Who said we can only scuba dive under the sea? Let's go for a mix-and-match style.

Shaw opened a hidden door behind him and took out two skate boards with a familiar pattern, making my eyes widen.

MC: Aren't these our backup boards? When did you put them in? Shaw: About a month or two ago. MC: ...?

Seeing my lack of reaction, Shaw puts his hand into his pocket.

Shaw: I overestimated you. I thought you'd figure out why I brought you here as soon as you arrived. Turns out you're not only dumb but also have a terrible memory.

MC: What do you mean?

Shaw: There was once an island lord who claimed he'd build the world's best undersea tunnel. But now it seems that guy was just all talk and no action.

This is a reference from the 'Four season event' (I didn't play this event so I don't know much about it (┬┬﹏┬┬)

MC: ......!

Memories of the summer island flood back, and I sweep my gaze around in disbelief, almost breaking into a high-pitched tone.

MC: No way? Shaw... you actually built an undersea tunnel for me?

Shaw: ......

He wordlessly flicks my forehead with his fingers.

Shaw: I'm not a God. Where would I build an undersea tunnel for you? MC: But you... Shaw: Thanks to Professor Shen being invited as a consultant for relics here, I took the opportunity to offer my help. Shaw: The condition was for him to clear this place for me for a day.

I pause, and emotions surge within me, mirroring the silent waves — I never expected that a casual remark would be remembered for so long.

MC: Even if you didn't build it, you still brought me here, so it's just as valuable in my heart. MC: But you're really good at keeping secrets. You hid it from me for a month or two, and only now...

I suddenly stop and realize the subtle aspect of this.

MC: Hold on, so you originally planned to bring me here? What about the RV trip...

Shaw: What's the big deal? This little accident won't affect my plans. Shaw: It's just making this day a bit more interesting before moving on. Nothing wrong with that.

Seeing him confidently raise his jaw, I teasingly blink my eyes.

MC: Really? It's not that smooth, after all. Your arrangement was unintentionally disrupted.

Shaw: If it's disrupted, it's disrupted. There are countless backup plans.

He takes a step forward, staring at me meaningfully.

Shaw: Hey, you said... no matter what choice I make, it can make this day interesting. I naturally can't be left out.

Those eyes, so close, glitter brightly, and my heart seems to miss a beat.

MC: It seems I did a good job setting an example~

He smiled, lightly kicked with the tip of his foot, and my skateboard was already in front of me.

Shaw: Alright, this is the only chance to skateboard in an unmanned underwater tunnel.

As he spoke, he stepped onto the skateboard, leaned forward, and drew a beautiful arc in the deep underwater world.

I also smiled and stepped onto the skateboard, catching up with him.

We freely roamed in the deserted underwater world, with strange and colorful shadows in the corner of our eyes.

Only the figure in my eyes was particularly clear.

His flamboyant clothing seemed to turn into a fish tail, leading me to swim against the world, galloping towards the distant and unreachable light.

I accelerated to keep pace with him, holding onto his hand.

MC: Shaw, today is the happiest day for me. Shaw: Don't speak too soon; the day is far from over.

After some play, Shaw took me to the end of the room.

A touch of anticipation welled up in my heart as I reached out and gently pushed open the door—

Under the azure light, this cozy glass room was covered with dream-like continuous warm light, like the only end in the deep sea.

Everything here was obviously carefully arranged. I couldn't help but imagine how the person in front of me, who was not good at such things, handled it. He must have been a bit impatient, criticizing his own choice of decorations while arranging them with an air of righteousness.

Maybe when someone passed by the door, he would immediately stop. His actions would freeze, putting his hands in his pockets, pretending nothing had happened.

These hurried yet chic figures vividly appeared in my mind, gradually merging with the person in front of me.

Thinking step by step, I walked to him, tiptoeing playfully.

MC: I didn't expect someone to have such a sense of ceremony. Setting up must not be easy, right?

Shaw: Don't underestimate me; as long as it's something I want to do, there's nothing I can't do. MC: Hmm, I certainly know that. It's just that your delicate side is not often seen.

I paused, teasingly took a step forward.

MC: It seems like I'm seeing different sides of Shaw more often now~

He bent down, a warm breath rushing towards my nose.

Shaw: Is that so? Are you sure you've seen everything clearly?

He was too close; when I instinctively tried to step back, he directly embraced my waist, blocking the "retreat."

The next moment, with a crisp snap of his fingers, a cluster of electric light burst at his fingertips, and the overhead lights instantly went out.

In the dim darkness, a nearly ethereal voice echoed in my ears.

Wooo—

Like a curtain, a shadow slowly closed from above, almost swallowing all the faint light in sight.

I stared blankly, a huge whale swimming past the skylight.

Its dorsal fin towered high, like a lonely island lost in the deep sea, wandering in the boundless ocean.

Such an unrealistic scene made me feel like I was in a woven dream.

MC: ...!

The next second, another burst of brilliant light and shadow suddenly bloomed on the wall, like fireworks filling the underwater world.

How could there be fireworks here?

I hurriedly turned around to the other floor-to-ceiling window, only to find that the incredibly dazzling "fireworks" were continuously blooming underwater.

It was not as grand and overwhelming as the previous two years. It didn't even have sound, but the brilliant colors stole all my attention.

I stared in amazement, still unable to react to how such fireworks could bloom underwater.

But for some reason, my smile became even brighter.

Shaw: Why are you smiling so foolishly?

I came to my senses, slowly blinked my eyes.

MC: I thought I had already guessed what "thing" you were hiding, but now it seems like I need to correct it. Shaw: Well, let me hear it.

My gaze swept around and finally settled back on him.

MC: At first, I thought the thing you were hiding was—"being carefree." MC: After all these days, although you rarely made plans and arrangements, every single thing took me by surprise. MC: I thought you would give me excitement, but you gave me a gentle rain in Watertown; MC: I thought you were going to take me on challenges and adventures, but you gave me the courage and determination I needed the most; MC: Even when I thought it was my turn to surprise you, you made me realize... MC: A surprise can also be created by two people at the same time.

Shaw listened quietly, with even the fireworks merging into his bright gaze.

MC: But until just now, until one unexpected moment after another, I realized... MC: The thing you hid might be simply "liking." MC: Everything happens only under the premise of liking. MC: Only then does it come in front of me.

I paused, gently hooking his finger.

MC: Shaw, am I right?

It seemed like my smile also caught his, a rare thread of joy pouring out from his eyes.

Shaw: Almost, but you didn't mention the most important part. MC: The most important? Shaw: Just like you said, this is only the "premise," and what comes after is the main topic.

In the dim light, the color hidden in his eyes became even brighter.

Shaw: What I truly hid is an "invitation." Shaw: I know very well what kind of person I am. Shaw: I never care about what is the best; I only like what interests me.

He paused, his gaze freely sketching on my face.

Shaw: So once I encounter it, I won't let go. Shaw: And I invite her to stay with me and keep it interesting all the way.

I smiled, holding his fingers a little tighter.

MC: It sounds like an invitation that cannot be refused, but...

I smiled, holding his fingers a little tighter.

MC: No matter where you go, I will be with you. MC: If you want to play in the mortal world, I'll "arm myself" and venture with you. MC: If you want rare tranquility, I'll hold your hand tightly and watch the sunrise and sunset together.

I took a deep breath and looked at him seriously.

MC: So, no matter what the future holds, I'm willing to burn my life and unleash it to the fullest with you.

He raised a carefree smile and gently pulled me closer to him.

Shaw: I remember your words. Shaw: What about my final touch?

I was taken aback.

MC: You've been secretly taking so many photos of me, and I didn't have time to prepare any finishing touch here.

Shaw: Well, in that case, I'll do it myself.

In the silent depths of the sea, a hot kiss gently pried open my lips.

Everything was so quiet, quiet enough that I could only hear the breath near my ears and the pounding of my excited heartbeat.

I slowly closed my eyes, falling into the endless sea with him.

Another year.

And there will be countless more.

—

🚐 Finale (Part 2)

[dgttwisted]

Floyd meet Jekyll&Hyde

for those who have known me for a long time you already know this about me but for those who don't.

this is Jekyll&Hyde the fgo version to be more precise

an i love this character they are very near an dear to my heart now you may be wondering what this has to do with twst an the answer is very simple.

Floyd this silly goof

reminds me in so many ways of Hyde everything from the attuited to the mood swings an his love of fighting.

back in the yander years of when i first started to rp Jekyll&Hyde an Andersen were the charcters i latched onto strongly for Andersen i thought he was a sad but but all around cool guy who historically might have either been bi or asexual(story for another day) who has we all know wrote the little mermaid.

an Jekyll&Hyde whose story on it's own is really neat but fgo has given of snips an peace's that they were friends with Sherlock an other such neat things which i will not talk about today or on this blog because that is not what we are here to discuss.

Hyde actions an personality lines up so well with Floyds that i fear is they ever met an became friends the universe would be done for(perhaps i'll write a crossover in the future)

i was in a bit of a slump a ways back i lost all motivation to write i would only chat with some mutuals an that was it for a long while. one said mutual recommended that i play twst when it came out in NA my interest was waning at best till chapter 3 came around an saw Jade an Floyd for the first time. my motivation heavily spiked because of these lil gangster eels especially Floyd.

thanks to that i had much more motivation not just to write but to even make a twst blog in the first place. this probably seems irrelevant but this is sort of what Jekyll&Hyde did for me when i first got into fgo.

i guess little shark toothed chaos babies are my favorite type of character you never know what they'll do next an that makes me happy to see always. granted Hyde's fights usually result in murder but if Floyd had a knife it would probably result in the same XD.

for me i think they have such a similar vibe an that's why i hold such strong feelings for them. which i will not apologize for an you cannot change my mind on this!!!

this a post more for me then anything else I'm very glad i got into twst it's made me much more motivated then before but even so i have no intention of getting rid of Jekyll&Hyde anytime soon they are to precious to me.

can't say i won't make them a apart of this blog somehow but knowing me I'll find a way.

[herrscherofmagic]

does anyone else get that weird feeling when you can look at a bajillion different art styles and go "yeah that's neat! love it! so cool!" and then as soon as you do absolutely any of your own drawing, there's just a constant alarm going off in your head saying "THIS IS INCORRECT AND IF YOU DON'T FIX IT, IT WILL LOOK TERRIBLE AND ANATOMICALLY INACCURATE" despite it being nothing different from all those other art styles you see and love??? like "uncanny valley" but w/ all your own artwork and almost all the time

like I was just thinking about this, because there's lots of awesome artists I follow on Instagram & Tumblr that have interesting styles that don't necessarily follow real-life human proportions. It's often different variants of anime art but that's not always the case, and across pretty much all these different styles you have different things like how the contours of the face are (i.e. chin, cheeks), or the size/spacing of eyes, or the way the mouth is drawn

but it's just occurred to me that whenever I draw, there's pretty much always a constant nagging feeling, that I have to fix every anatomical or rendering mistake and if I don't then it just won't look "right", and that's one of the biggest things that stops me from completing 99% of my art

like earlier today I posted a 10-minute sketch, and it was obviously not "good anatomy"- it was pure vibes, just drawing what felt right in the moment and immediately posting it without trying to correct anything at all. and as soon as I did it, it hit me- that was probably the first time I've ever just created a piece of art for fun with virtually zero concern about "accuracy". Everything else I ever work on is always constantly drawn-out and changed and modified endlessly because it never feels "correct" and I don't feel like I can proceed with it.

today I've spent more than 3 hours just practicing how to draw heads, and it was the same thing. I was doing okay, but it took ages to get through even the simple parts like drawing straight from an anatomy ref. and it drives me insane not just because of perfectionism or whatever... but the fact that there's not a single "correct" human figure.

There's a ton of natural variation in how people appear, that's why we're all unique ffs! Different people have differently-shaped faces, their noses look different, their cheeks are different, their foreheads can be different, the wrinkles or freckles or eyebrows or eye shape or X Y Z are all varied and unique among different people.

Of course there are certain basic proportions and principles, you don't put someone's eyes on the back of their head, but I know all the basic proportions at this point and I've made a ridiculous amount of figure drawings both live and from photo, quite literally hundreds of drawings ranging from 1-3 minute gestures all the way to 1-, 2-, 3-hour-long works.

So why is it that no matter who or what I draw there's always that piercing & uncanny feeling? that i'm never able to capture a likeness of someone whether real or fictional, whether I'm trying to draw realistically or stylized?? it feels like I'm still getting something fundamentally wrong all the time even when I've studied all the basics and so much more, and even when my own professors look at what I do and say it's correct.

it's probably the autism, since there's a ton of other things in life where I appreciate predictability and uniformity and certainty. math problems have correct answers, essays can have certain types of analysis, machines can be described in terms of mechanical principles. But art isn't like that, and I've had similar issues w/ my art classes before, I just never quite thought of it from this specific perspective. I knew I struggled with open-endedness in projects, but this feels like something even deeper and more infuriating than that >.>

going back to that sketch, I can look at it and see obvious simple mistakes that I didn't bother to fix because I kept it strictly to 10 minutes. the chin is an obvious one, for instance, and the eyes could be better too. but I don't want to go back to that artwork, partially because it's just a 10-min sketch and it's not really anything that profound, but also partially because even though I know I can make it better I'm scared that as soon as I start messing with it I'll never be able to look at it comfortably ever again because it'll always feel incorrect. Not incorrect because I didn't care but incorrect despite me caring so much. which feels so much worse than just making a silly mistake when you're drawing normally.

[purlturtle]

soft asks 18, 24 😊

Thank you for asking! (list of questions)

18. do you still love stuffed animals?

I've never been big on them, actually, AFAIK - though I have to say, I don't remember a lot of my childhood anyway. I was just talking with my wife today about how I had a stuffed racoon as a kid, named Pascal, which at some point met its demise in the dryer (he managed the washer okay, but the dryer's heat was too much). I honestly don't even remember if I was upset or not - that is how much of my childhood memories are lost. I guess probably I was, but I simply do not know.

Today I *have* a few stuffies, and if I feel really bad, I hug them - but those are extreme situations, that don't happen very often. I like stuffies nevertheless, hence why I have them, but they're more of a decorative thing than for cuddles.

24. what’s something you do to de-stress?

I answered a similar question, "what calms you down", just now, and that covers most of it. Beyond that, my main de-stressing go-to is: CAN I DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS?

And the answer is No so often.

Like, US politics. They stress me out so badly, but I cannot do anything about them! So I:

unfollow almost all news accounts on SocMed; I get my news via two reputable sources' RSS feeds, one national one local, and even on those I:

block key words, names, phrases that I just don't want to see because it upsets me, I can't change it, and it won't influence my behavior (boycotting, voting) - there is no point letting all that shit drag me down every day when all these things apply. I don't need to wreck my mental health for the sake of "bearing witness" - that's for like the international press, for governments and NGOs, for accountability. Not for individual people whose mental health cannot handle all that shitfuckery that's going on. (I LOVE XKit's "Block This Post" feature and use it very liberally.)

I also unfollow users/accounts who reblog too much upsetting stuff - this is less about specific key words to mute, and more about how some people tend to look at things, and therefore reblog things that fit into that worldview. Some people are really angry, for example, and reblog a lot of angry stuff, or put angry tags - I'm not about that. I don't want my Tumblr time to make me angry. I have enough anger within me already anyway.

focus on those things that I *can* do something about. As in, I try to only reblog political stuff if there's actual advice, links, etc. on *what to do*, such as mutual aid links, instructions on how to contact a representative etc. And outside of social media, I have a few matters that are dear to my heart which I donate towards, and I have pretty solid voting stances, and beyond that I try very hard not to care.

(side note: I will NOT reblog anything that tries the "why is no one talking about" or "if you care, you MUST reblog" or "I dare you to reblog" or other emotional blackmail route of engagement. I hate it, on a visceral level; my care, my compassion, is a very finite resource, which I have to be very very guarded with, and this is the single quickest way to turn me off of that specific matter, no matter how good of a matter it might otherwise be. Hard fucking pass, goodbye.)

Phew! That got long! But yeah, I've been pretty passionate and diligent about this in the past few years; caring too much got me into a big mental health crisis in 2022, and so I *have* to be more mindful about it. I don't want to go off social media completely, because I have friends here and it brings me joy, but I do adhere closely to the above rules.

[horizon-verizon]

I agree with you that the show is bad in terms of writing and characterization, and probably i won't even watch the next season, but if I'm being honest you seem to hate the show so much why are you still searching for posts related to the show and respond to it if it's bother you this much?

FIRST

I don't actively or habitually search for the show or anything related to it in Tumblr with the purpose of fighting with others or proving how smart I am.

I do reblog with corrections, counterarguments, or praise if I feel strongly enough about what's being said AND if I have the energy

posts about it pop up in my feed in the "Based on what you liked!" list because I don't block their tags

OR I get asks about the show's characters and/or writing.

I write of the main experience I have to write against the claim that I "search" for HotD posts as if it is a continuous action. This is what usually happens. And the person sending the asks about HotD are usually those who only ever watched the show and never read the books, are antis, or have skimmed the books and read the wikis instead of actually doing some independent thought and deeper research with comparative analyses.

It is less common/rare for me to begin a discussion from an original green stans or an avid HotD lover. *EDIT* Now, as of 2023, there are asks with links to posts by others (mostly made by green stans) that the asker asks me to consider/think about and respond. I mostly respond to those already responding to others or to those who make comments and reblogs of my own posts, like what happened in my Sansa POST and one Daemon/Nettles POST.

I’m saying, anon, that it could be a lot worse. I could become a greater menace to others on this blog than you presently think.

SECOND

Before I started writing original posts or answers to asks, I collected various team black and team green posts, and I still do so today. Why? Because I actually wanted/still want to know the arguments each team makes. Because in general, I like and want to hear how people think about things.

I came to Tumblr wanting to collect posts and make a blog I can use to reference material and arguments but still have more personal freedoms to do this. (Which is also why I refuse to put “anti” tags just for the sake of “politeness”.)

I basically want to make my blog a reference point thus I will force myself to add stuff about HotD/greens’ opinions as much as I can stomach.

I want to know what logic they present, where does it fall short, what maybe-good points they make, how much they actually know about history, human psychology -- how much I know and need to know about somethings after reading, etc.

Which is related and goes into my next reason....

THIRD

It’s not a matter of superficial “like” and “dislike”. The show “bothers” me more than a matter of bad writing and bad characterization.

After watching the show, you get more people feeling justified by their already existing illiteracy/refusal to learn (beyond their conservatism) and their theories about the canon material. (POST).

You even get people mixing up the show’s events and portrayals and changes with the canon, thus there are people out there with ideas of what this story/part of the Westerosi history is about when they are simply ill-informed or dead wrong.

It’s twisting the narrative, checking all the boxes, to make it more “modern”, “palatable” to performative activism, or/and (thus) make it a lot more marketable to more people. To follow up and revitalize the fervor for the horrid ending of GoT (which was itself sexist as hell) without actually keeping the substance and philosophical/political weight of the original story that lets us know the greens were the unequivocal villains.

Here are a few reblogs/posts/articles by me and others about the actors, marketability, how HotD fails at some things, etc.: POST, POST (you can go to the “performative activism” part), POST, POST, POST, POST (you should really get into this one, it begins to explain how the writing itself doesn’t support accountability), POST, POST, POST, POST, POST,  POST (this one talks about Hollywood and Rhaenyra and feminism). Your choice to read all or a few or none.

And after listening to the “neutrals” AND what non “neutrals” say about “neutrals” (of both teams), I found that there is no such thing as a “neutral” unless you really never or never watched/read any ASoIaF product and thus have no existing opinion about its themes and characters and events. But then you’re not a fan, you’re just someone who knows the fandom exists.

Unless you are like the former brideoffires (Tumblr)/starlight and seafoam (Twitter), who looks at the F&B characters--esp Rhaenyra--as set up to Dany's story and recognize the larger composite picture of misogyny-leads-to-great conflict/Dany-is-the-fixture (to put it very simply).

When you read about the Dance and if you know anything about civil wars and how/why they happen, you should know that you can almost never philosophically or ideologically not pick or at least favor a side. It’s nearly impossible once we are acquainted with why the sides are fighting and the historical details of how this civil conflict happened in the first place, specifically when one side has done nothing to the other before, nor present any true, future threat. Of course things change, as they do in the Dance where the sides commit war crime after war crime & lose more of their own kids, but it was very clear the greens began it through the sexist usurpation to gain power for themselves; they also had little to actually fear from either Rhaenyra or any lord if she had ascended peacefully.

Again, unless we don't know, we can't fully care, and once you start actually caring, then you take a side and form strong opinions. In civil wars, there exists hatred or the need for dominance within the territory itself and it usually comes from a particular background that cannot be ignored but can also be messy and conflicting.

Plus, I found that most of the neutrals (not all, one still has to listen to why one says they are "neutral") are really people who think the greens are in the moral right, are the “fun” and “better-developed” characters, or are the more politically savvy. Yet also refuse to look any deeper to see how their arguments make no sense for the story the show rips off of. Basically, team-greeners who refuse or don’t know they are wearing the cape, or are trying to hide it to make team blackers look stupid or get one on them and seem “reasonable” while actually trying to push forward this narrative of “soft femininity wins all”, conservatism, conformity, patriarchy, etc. 

This following is only in the observation that there are sympathy-changes made for them while the blacks and Rhaenyra are not only similarly dumbed down but also the writers have been trying to assign them certain negative traits or behaviors that can't be feasible as to what we understand them before the show existed.

HotD is actually fostering that sort of bullshit with its refusal to:

**(in context of the next 3 pts.)**Alicent and Aemond as they are: entitled, sexist, classist, blood purist people who intentionally attack and target Rhaenyra for the sake of power and male privilege

working behind the faux romance/friendship of Rhaenicent.

dumbing Rhaenyra down, watering her passion down

removing almost every character's accountability or drive for power (female for this one) by making them more reactive than active and even then there not much of a substantial or meaningful reaction

sexistly making Alicent a dumber and more sexually abused version of herself, giving all of her accomplishments or actions to her father, Otto. Benevolent sexism.

Thus I cannot ignore the show or its glaring faults. It has such popularity and influence over how people think about women, children, who deserves what and how/why, and how people express themselves and live with such cognitive dissonance, that I feel I have to say something against it. Even if it’s a dumb Tumblr post.

[kpop-addict25]

Heroes Come to Live in the Real World (Part One)

Wow, this is actually one of my last posts for this year!

Living in a house with your friends is amazing experience. It’s never boring and I have always loved to have my friends close to me. We rented this house as soon as we finished high school and we couldn’t be happier to stick together. Well it can get hard at times of course. Especially when the house has only one bathroom.

“Come on, Axel! I need to use the bathroom!” I yelled while knocking on the door loudly.

“Just wait a few more minutes." My friend yelled back.

Axel is one of those people that like playing games on their phone while he takes a you know… I have known him since I was little and he is one of my closest friends. I really cherish our friendship but he can be too much sometimes.

"But I really have to pee." I groaned holding it in.

"Just give up bro." My sister says as she walked past me. "He won't come out until he finishes his level."

Her name is also Jesse but prefers to be called Jessica. She is the only person I can trust my whole life besides me and I can count on her for anything. Even though she also can be too much sometimes. Like in this situation.

“I haven’t asked for your opinion!” I yelled at her.

Soon enough Axel left the bathroom and I immediately rushed in. It’s always so good to let go off the pressure. I washed my hands and headed to the kitchen where Axel and my sister were at the table while my other friend Olivia made breakfast.

“Oh good morning Jesse.” Olivia greeted flipping a pancake.

Olivia is another one of my childhood friends. I met her because she was with Axel and since then the four of us became best friends. She is the smart one in our group and also an amazing cook.

"Morning Liv, I see it’s your turn to cook today.” I joined the others at the table.

“Yeah and I decided to start the day with people’s favourite thing for breakfast.” She put a full plate of pancakes on the table and Axel started gobbling them almost immediately.

“Axel!” Olivia exclaimed while the rest of us laughed.

“What’s with all the commotion this early in the morning?” Petra, another one of our friends came in joining us at the table.

She is like super cool! She has a motorcycle, she has tattoos and a piercing on her bellybutton. Like, this is soo hot. We recently met Petra and we don’t know much about her. She just moved on from Texas and lives in the house next to us with another friend of ours. She often comes for sleepovers here and this particular morning she is at breakfast with us.

“Um Petra, it’s like 10 in the morning. It’s not early at all.” I pointed out making her glare at me. I sheepishly smile at her.

Yeah, she can get scary sometimes…

"Anyway, what are we having for breakfast?" She asked.

"Pancakes." Axel answers his mouth full of the mentioned breakfast.

"Eh, I will pass." Petra shrugged and turned to me. "Can you please make me a cup of coffee? I am still high from the party last night."

“Anything for you my friend.” I started making her coffee with one sugar cube. Like how she loves it! When I was done I gave her the cup.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about yesterday.” My sister laughed. “It was so funny how we threw eggs on mr. Smileys house.”

Mr. Smiley is our neighbour but don’t get confused by the name. He is such an old grumpy man and hates us for some reason. Probably because we are way too loud most of the time.

“It was priceless!” Axel joined in the laughter. “Then he started to chase us.”

“He even managed to hit Jesse with his walking stick.” Olivia joined in bursting with laughter too.

“For an old man he can run pretty fast.” I say while rubbing the place on my head where mr. Smiley had hit me. Yeah, it still hurts.

“He probably dislikes us even more now.” Petra shook her head in amusement. She finished her coffee and stood up. “It was fun guys but I am going home. Lukas is probably wondering why I am taking so long.”

Yeah, last but not least we have the dorky Lukas in our friendship circle. He comes all the way from Seoul, South Korea which is like on the other side of the world. But don’t get confused by his looks, he is not fully Korean. Yet, girls go crazy about him because they think of him as one of those handsome korean actors/singers or whatever. We don’t know much about him yet but he is a good friend so far.

“Bye Petra, make sure to tell him all the fun that he missed.” My sister say as she ate her pancakes.

“You bet I will!” Petra then leaves and we continue on with our breakfast.

[pebblysand]

the end of act two

in my head, i was going to write a long post. one of those extended a/n-s i used to do, but i think my brain is too mushed, right now, too tired and wired, to say anything of value. maybe i'll do it later, or maybe you'll just send me lots of anons (we all know i love those) which will end up letting me tell you all the things i want to tell you.

for now, i just want to say: thank you. thank you for sticking with me, this past year. thank you for believing in this story. i feel like me posting this chapter, today, is definitely the end of something. not the end of the story yet (there are between five and seven chapters left), but the end of an act, at least.

castles has parts. acts. or maybe, eras, you know, a bit like taylor swift. there are: the early days, the 'blur', chapters one through seven. then, chapter eight. the pivot, the one that changes everything again. and now, nine through fifteen. the rise and fall of mia and harry. the trials, the slow and cumbersome process of adulting. the start of harry and ginny, too - for real.

i often get asked how far i am going to take this story. the answer is: the year 2027, in universe (hopefully, i will finish before then, irl). i can't say why because that would be much too spoilery, but i promise, i know. this obviously means that the pacing will be different, moving forward, though it will speed up gradually. the next chapter will cover a few months, then a year, then a few years. i have plans. you'll see.

before letting you read on, a word of warning. this chapter is long. like 18,000-words long. i struggled all week, wondering whether to cut or not to cut (that is always the question) but decided to just let it be long. first, because chapter eight is long, too, and sometimes things just need to be said. second because selfishly, as i don't know how many chapter i have left, leaving it like this gives me the option to late cut it if needed, if i end up landing on an uneven number, which would throw off the chapter titles thing. i hope you can forgive me.

this chapter is also a bit of a rollercoaster. there are scenes that make me cry. there is also, like, tooth-rotting fluff. it's strange. i hope you like it.

lastly, i also wanted to let you know that i'm going to be taking a break from this story. not forever, don't worry, but probably until march 2023. that means that, for a new chapter to actually come out, it'll probably be may, at the earliest. i think i'm leaving it in a satisfying place, though. a place in which you can probably wait. and if you don't want to, that's fine too. while this is not where the story ends in my head, you could decide it ends there for you. i promise, i won't resent you. i just have real life things going on, and have worked a lot lately, so i think i deserve the break. it doesn't mean that won't write/publish anything, it just means that castles will be on standby, for now. here, too, i hope you can forgive me.

thanks again for all the love, messages, comments, anons, and general support these past few months. i wouldn't have made it here without you. keep them coming, please, they always make my day.

lots of love,

jo

[kitkatcadillac]

This is probably really stupid and in the end won't make a difference but. When I was a kid we used to live in New Mexico and went to White Sand's national park. I guess my parents took a bottle of sand.

Would the park be annoyed if I like, sent the bottle back in the mail so they could dump it back out in the park? Would they report me to someone and fine me since they would have my address? Or would they just go "Wtf who's this goofy ass sending us sand"

well i wouldn't feel too bad about something you did as a kid like that! i hope you aren't beating yourself up over that over the post i made. conservation laws have changed a lot over the last decade or two, you know? i'll tell you a story, but let me answer your question first so you don't have to scroll and search for it lmaooo

i don't know! but usually these places have addresses or emails if you want to write to them, and you can ask them directly. i really don't think you'd get in trouble for asking a question like this to them, and if you'd like help looking for a place to contact them, i'd be happy to go looking for you.

i don't think you should feel bad though, and you shouldn't feel obligated to do that, but it is a really nice gesture. i understand some of how that feels; i grew up next to the chesapeake. back in the 90s, listen... blue crabs were really abundant, so naturally people were fishing them up like crazy. some of my fondest childhood memories involve my parents bringing 6 dozen crabs home for like $80. that's an insane amount of crab.

naturally, too, they're endangered now, and there's laws and regulations on who can fish them up and how, who can sell them, etc... and a lot of the reason happens to be those childhood memories.

of course i couldn't understand back then the effects that overfishing had. i was like, four years old. i was nothing but a learning sponge, and what the adults in my life were teaching me was essentially that the bay was a veritable crab font that was bottomless. crabs forever. obviously not!!!!

but now i'm older, and i have those fond memories, and i can understand what happened and what we can do, how we can teach other people why today is the way it is and how yesterday shaped it. it isn't like i have a jar of crabs i can send back- but that would be really fun haha- the things that i CAN do are stay informed, educate, maybe donate sometimes even. if i had more time, i'd think about going and working on some projects that maybe help out the bay, or at least the local area where i live.

tl:dr; i don't think that you need to do anything about the sand bottle, honestly. i don't think you're doing irreparable harm by having it, especially since you know better now than to scoop sands off beaches that ask that you don't scoop sand off of them. i also think if you have concerns about it, the best people to ask are the people who have direct links to the preservation and upkeep of the area! i'm really proud of you for caring enough to consider it, and i encourage you to do a little research on your own local parks and topography. you know those posts that tell you what species of plants and animals are endemic to the area and all? it's really good to know that stuff! see what sorts of things your parks are doing. you never know!

[aks-of-the-weak]

Incipit: My stupid fucking game doesn't work. These two stupid functions have like 450 lines together and the whole thing is like half a dozen for() loops all nested into each other nested into a while() loop. I tested it thoroughly. I thought i was done with it and put a nice bow and wrapping on it and sent it in the mail. Now i find that the recipient was always destined to be and that this gift is not a beautiful craft of art, but an abyss which beckons for my gaze just as it also beckons to gaze back. And i will gaze. But not today. Today is a day for coping. Today i will chain lose seven games of League of Legends, but sandwiched between those i will attempt a brand new coping method, #homestuck OC improv writing. Let's goooooooo.

3rd Post: Gemoloron, The Sign of the Potent. No, i'm not going to use That meaning of the word… i hope?

Constellation: Oh man, what could this one be? Maybe this bit represents eyes, but then what has ma— Biblically accurate angels. C'mon, I know it's a biblically accurate angel, you know it's a biblically accurate angel, even the homestuck redditors knew it was a biblically accurate angel. This brings up at least one question, is the Troll Bible a thing? The answer to that question is basically irrelevant, so i won't ponder it any further. I actually already know where i want to go for those first two paragraphs because i thought of it while writing the intro. You know what else has many eyes? That's right, Flies, and maybe dragonflies, and maybe basically half of all other bugs, but that includes Flies. A Fly's two eyes are actually compound eyes which contain thousands of individual lenses inside. There's probably a connection to make with Belzebub who's sometimes also an angel, but i don't really wanna. Point is, Rage being the aspect of Chaos and Goldies being the caste for duality makes them a match made in heaven (heh). The nature of this sign is all about contradiction, being both Gracious Holy Angel and Gross Disgusting Fly. This is a design i want to communicate in both the constellation and the lusus while emphasizing the eyes, so here's what i'm thinking about (see picture below) (i fucking hate insects, why did i pick this, i don't want to be editing a picture of one for many minutes) (Holy fuck, the GIMP perspective tool is awesome. Why have i never used that before??). Ok, so, facts first, this image is awful. It also kind of fucks (heh). A fly with human eyes, yet another mystical symbol. I really thought mystical symbol constellations weren't going to be a dime a dozen back when i was on the first post, yet here we are. As stated before it symbolizes Contradiction and Contrasts, but primarily between the Ugly and the Beautiful.

Lusus: Aight, i actually image edited the lusus too this time around. Gods, brace yourself because this one is also genuinely awful, no "it fucks" involved. (see picture below). This time instead of being a fly with angel (human) eyes it's an angel with Fly eyes. It reverses, because contradictions, contrasts. This guy is actually stupid as fuck, like fly-level intelligence. When the character is introduce we quickly notice that all their window are broken. Then, a bit later we hear a sound of broken glass from out of frame and the next panel pans out with this jackass with his head through a window trying to crawl out of it. Right next to him is a wide open door. He's at no risk of harming himself on the sharp glass tho, he's actually ~3m tall with physical strength enough to rival the Spidermom, but he's so stupid he can't use a weapon or even punch or kick. The only way he ever attacks is by flying at extreme speed and crashing his body into shit. Our character can't invite anyone to their home because this dude is too stupid to understand the concept of a "friend" and will just ram any and all that gets close to the house, killing it instantly. He's not vicious or anything, tho. When something aproaches he'll stand visibly and menacingly in the sky, meaning he mostly only ever murders wild animals too dumb to understand that warning. Finally, the only thing it ever does other than murder shit in the stupidest way possible and break windows trying to get in and out of the house is clean. Because flies do that. Any sign of dirt, dust or glass shard he sees gets broomed right out of the house. Because apparently he's smart enough to use his limbs for that. Ok dude.

Physicality: You might have noticed this lusus has a single clipped wing which i haven't mentioned. This is because i just added it, right now, after the lusus paragraph is done. Why? To establish numerology, of course. I have a last name to start this character with. Beluth. The name is a deformation of Belzebuth, another name of Beelzebub, but also alludes to the last symbolic element of the character which i will get to shortly. Beluth is, like many gold bloods, a powerful psion. Unlike most goldbloods, Beluth's powers are particularly stunted in the range department, allowing her to levitate objects no further than her arms' reach, which are fortunately rather long. She uses this power effectively through their kind abstratus, 5xRevlvrkind, by levitating each revolver simultaneously. Each revolver having, of course, 5 chambers per cylinder. For physical appearance, the eyes are pretty important so i'll start with that. Remember Die from The Felt? Remember that guy? Remember how he always has that look as if you just caught him doing something unspeakable at 3am. Essentially, that's Beluth's resting face, but she's self-conscious about it so she's grown out long bangs that covers her face. Beluth is a great fan of alternian "Western" movies (troll cowboy movies) and so dresses herself in a cowboy jacket, a large cowboy hat further obscuring her face and 6 revolver holsters stacked on top of each other. The middle left holster is always empty. Her body shape is very lanky, tall and thin, which gives her an intimidating/badass look when her face is covered and inversely furthers the crazed kinda bozo look when it's unveiled.

Personality: Finally to tie it all together. Rage is the aspect of Truth, Chaos and the Incomprehensible. The human-eyed fly is a constellation that symbolizes the contrast between the ugly and the beautiful. Gemolorn is titled the Sign of the Potent. That third element i feel isn't as important to be smoothly integrated so i'm writing it off as done from the generally high power level of the character and her lusus. The second is integrated from the previous paragraph, though subverted. "Ugly" has been replaced by "Gaunt, kinda bizarro look", Beluth's inner appearance, and "Beautiful" by "Cool badass cowboy look", the outer appearance which she has crafted for herself. The obvious arc from here is a "learn to let down the mask and accept yourself for who you are" narrative, but imo that fucking sucks right now. This style is something Beluth has made for herself, something that reflects her hobby and something that's partly fed from her inner appearance itself. So rather, as the story progresses, Beluth progressively goes from a fangirl simply mimicking cowboys to actually becoming one. she loses the hat, the jacket, even the bangs, yet she's still out there ridin' through the wasteland catchin' outlaws. "Quickest barrels this side o' the empire. She be shootin' so fast, even 'er shadow's surprised", says an old grizzled ranger drinking his whisky from the corner of a saloon. Get it? The crazed look itself becomes part of her mythos. You are the cowboy Beluth. it's you. I think that's pretty good over all. Her gunslinging style comprises particularly bouncy bullets that bounce all over creating an incomprehensible/chaotic barrage. It think that, plus everything before which kind of relates to finding an inner deeper Truth is enough to relate her to her aspect.

Excipit: I liked this character a lot. I hated the making of this post a lot. i meant for this series to be quick writing exercises for when i have a few hours to kill, but it turned out to be day-long endeavors, partly because of my chronic inefficiency at basically everything. i actually wrote the first and second half of it with a 1 and a half week gap between the two. Plus now i have to see it through because i thought of a decent way to recycle the signs and the ideas for the constellations for one of my games. Also, originally i meant for most of these characters to be ungendered because gender isn't usually relevant to the kind of characters i write. But that makes it marginally more of a pain to write so i'll just use whatever pronouns i hc them as. also i didn't use that meaning of the word. Congrats present me from past me.

[hundredsspoons]

Personal vent post//

I'm just so frustrated rn because it's a constant battle with my body to stay awake and do literally anything productive. Like today, I woke up at 8am ish, went back to sleep around 9am, woke up again at around 11am, went back to sleep around 3pm, woke up at 5pm and now I'm desperately trying to hang on until at least 10 before going to sleep for the night. So I slept about 12 hours.

I'm autistic and have food sensory problems, so I have problems getting nutrition. I'm anemic because of it, and that's presumably why I'm always so tired. Problem is that no nutritionist has given me advice for someone with a disgust for most foods, and the nearest program for ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) is like 100 miles away. Every time I try to talk to a doctor about it, it just leads nowhere. I tried iron supplements and iron infusions, but I had a minor allergic reaction to the infusion and freaked out like an idiot baby. So I haven't tried again.

My mental health reached a new low a few months back when I was particularly stressed about finishing my masters program. Was genuinely suicidal in a way I haven't been in a long time. Had to go home early and am doing the rest of my thesis from home. Had to take another extension. No job. Missed the application deadlines for phd programs for next year. Living like a parasite off my mother at 28.

Got a therapist, but every session feels like I'm trying to convince him that I'm not just lazy, that there's something wrong and it isn't something I can fix so easily. He keeps pushing exercise, and I know that he's probably right about it, I do know that, but I just came off a medication that was making me pass out in public places, plus I still pass out if I exercise and haven't eaten enough, and it makes me nervous about exercise. He like doesn't believe that I pass out. Or like he tells me to brush it off. Like he recommended going to a gym, and I said I don't want to pass out at a gym, and he said gyms are safe places to pass out?? And that an ambulance will be called?? Like those are expensive. And it's embarrassing to pass out at a gym. Part of me thinks I need some tough love. I know I get mopey. I know I'm stuck feeling miserable about myself and that nothing will get better if I don't change. So I'm not sure if he's just saying stuff I don't WANT to hear, you know? But like, the first meeting with him he asked if I could see a future off of prozac. And like?? I was just contemplating killing myself, is now the time to be focused on that?? Am I insane??

I'm racking up quite the count of illnesses that, of course, have no tests to prove their existence. I go through blood tests etc. and in the end the doctor just diagnoses me with the illness you have if you don't have the other illnesses. POTS, IBS, ARFID, a hormonal response to birth control, autism, depression, anxiety. No one takes any of these things seriously, because even the doctors don't take it seriously when they diagnose them. They just want you out of their office. I know my therapist thinks I'm a hypochondriac inventing problems when there are none. Well, I am a hypochondriac. I won't deny it. I have serious medical anxiety. But is it so wrong to want an answer, a real definitive answer, to why you're like this? My therapist keeps telling me ways to create energy like exercise and cold showers. But I guess the problem is that I wish it weren't so hard. I wish my brain and my body worked right. I wish I could stay awake and not feel like death walking for a full day. I'm so mad about it, I don't feel like working productively towards a solution. Everyone thinks I'm a deadbeat and a failure, and I just. don't. know. if they're right or not?? Am I just lazy? Sleeping 12 hours isn't Normal. I spend like maybe an hour or two a day doing things I like. It's not like I'm having a grand ol' time?? It's not fun. But maybe I'm just so lazy that sleep is my favorite thing to do? I do love to sleep. Am I just supposed to live like this forever? Am I supposed to just accept that, if I want to accomplish anything, I'm going to have to feel like complete trash doing it?? This stinks. It stinks!!!

[thatgirlcandy]

why you may believe the law isn't "working" for you

to start, hi, im candilyn, and i've been manifesting with the law of assumption for a couple of years now. i am not a coach, but im willing to answer any questions you have as long as they are appropriate.

i have always been in the same boat as those of you reading this post bc you genuinely want to know the answer to the age-old question: "why am i not seeing my desires in the 3D when im doing everything im supposed to be doing to get them"

and ive never been able to crack the code until recently when i went down a rabbit hole of success stories on tiktok (not the most honest community of loa users, ik). i was listening and the coach, who was giving advice for those who don't see their desires immediately after affirming them, explained that the problem was just that—seeing your manifestations as desires, rather than something you already have.

now, if you are heavily on loatwt or any other social media where there's a community of people using loa, im sure you've seen it mentioned in a thread or a post and, sadly, you're gonna see most of that in this post as well. but, im gonna try to simplify it for those of you who, in fact, don't understand those threads and posts, or have no idea what im talking about.

for some time now, ive been formulating the mindset that everything i want is what i already have. but i realized that starting off the journey of getting what i wanted by calling it something that i 'want' is what made it so hard to grasp and let into my life.

my family has always been logical, and therefore i became an extremely logical person. which is why it is even still so hard for me to imagine and visualize my achievements as things that i already have.

thinking of your manifestations as desires, completely eliminates the whole point of the law of assumption, which is a law where everything you think you "want" is something that you already have. the whole point is to assume you already have it, whatever 'it' may be—from a couple hundred dollars to a scholarship to a university you're family never thought you'd be able to go to.

the whole thing about loa and manifesting in itself if that it's not discriminatory, and no matter your backround, you are able to have anything you want. and it only takes your conscious/subconscious self.

so having the mindset that you want something rather than having the mindset that it's already in the bag can be incredibly harmful, and can stop you in the tracks of your own manifestations and you'll never even know why. now, listen.

im not saying throw away the advice you hear online or to stop doing whatever you believe helps you manifest, just to take into consideration that maybe the problem is the way you view the world around you and the level of difficulty you think comes with manifesting things into your life.

im in the same spot as you, and i promise that no matter what you are manifesting, you have 100% full reason to believe it's something you want rather than what you know you already have. because it may all be so new to you, your immediate reaction is, "omg i want that". and you probably won't even realize this completely common mistake til you go on this journey for yourself and learn more about your mind.

i literally only noticed this like today, so im not gonna invalidate your experiences, methods, and success stories with this post if you believe you're fine without it. everyone's story is different, no one lives the same lives. we all "want" things. it's not a crime.

[fff777]

I saw this writing tag game. I wasn't tagged but it looked fun :3

What is your absolute all-time favourite idea you’ve ever had?

I really think it might be my current fic, the Laytao historical AU. In its current form, I don't think it's as polished as most of my other fics, but I am still quite attached to the original idea that this fic came from. The fic in its current form is extremely different from what I had initially hoped to write. But all variations of it are equally dear to me.

Maybe it's because this idea was combined with a setting that I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about and it gave me a lot of ideas about it.

What is your favourite part of being a writer? Which parts could you take or leave?

I guess my favourite part is just being able to articulate an idea. I like sharing things I like. I also find that writing fic helps me organize and contextualize my thoughts about things, whether it's about the ship or the setting or other themes in the fic.

My least favourite part...basically the actual writing lmao. To be honest, I don't really consider myself a writer. I struggle to write and I don't actually find it fun the way I find my other hobbies fun. I also have a funky relationship with words that I won't get into here, but words don't really touch me the way I think it touches other people and so it makes it difficult for me to convey things without cringing sometimes.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

My biggest motivation for writing is to just realize my ideas. Words are magical in that you can bring basically anything to life and it's kind of fun that I can conceive anything in the world and just. Write it lol.

What is your favourite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

I don't know if this is recency bias but I am rather pleased with most of my most recent works. What a copout answer lmao. But I like them for different reasons.

Sulay cambunnies: I liked this because it kind of made me feel braver about writing the kind of porn that I enjoyed.

Seho historical AU: I liked this fic for a lot of reasons. It was my first long fic and taught me a lot about writing. I liked that it was a big happy ending fic. I was aiming for cute and fluffy and from the comments I was proud that I was able to convey that in a historical setting where the expressions of love can be quite different.

Kaixing SDOC: I liked this fic because it's as close to canon timeline fic as I've ever written lol. I just never thought I could write anything realistic and this fic kind of helped me realize how I can do that.

Laytao historical AU: Oh man. I already mentioned that I really love the idea that this fic is attached to and that is a huge reason of why I love this a lot, as imperfect as it is. I put a lot of thought into the trajectory of the story and while I still don't think it's perfect in its final form, I'm still thankful to this fic for giving me a vehicle to explore those themes.

What is your favourite out-of-the-box quote?

I don't really have any? But I did share this recently with a friend.

It's from a not-yet posted chapter of the Laytao historical AU fic.

"It was bitter, as it always was. But bitterness was never a problem. Yixing could always tolerate it. Good things must always be suffered through."

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

Probably Yixing in the Laytao historical AU fic. He's very patriotic and lawful, unflinchingly so. In today's political climate, that is not a popular attitude. This kind of character is not at all uncommon to the genre, and to the general culture, as folk heroes that act like this are revered. I do think that Yixing has a personality that is somewhat like this. But I don't know him, only the side of him that is presented to the world.

Personally, this way of thinking is not for me. But I think it's not so uncommon to come across people like this in the world.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

I think I'd be a little awed that I managed to write these more ambitious pieces. I read fic for a long time before ever trying my hand at it.

Tagging whoever wants to do this!!!!!