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I feel like one of my friendships isn't equal
#its in different ways for us both#i don't put in as much enthusiasm as they do into when we talk about shows we both like or other stuff we both like#but I still try#but when it comes to talking about me or what I like it's more of near radio silence#and I constantly feel guilty for being a bad friend#like once I rbed a post with a guy mentioned that I had no idea who it was#and they asked others what to do because it hurt that the post was insulting the guy#and they ended up talking to me and telling me it made them feel bad#but that sent me into a spiral#like i became afraid that I was going to accidentally hurt them again because I didn't know they liked something#i wanted validation on my new url and they ended up being uncomfortable with my url#idk it feels like I keep on messing up on being a friend#they always ask if they're annoying me which they're really not but it makes me feel like I'm acting in a way that suggests they are#probably with my late and limited responses to their paragraphs#it doesn't feel like I'm a good friend at all. like they need to stop being friends with me because I suck#idk sorry#i feel frustrated because I can't really talk about what I like anywhere it seems#maybe I'm just not a compatible person
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Goodness me, my original ask started some mess I see. š
Shay this is a bit long, but I think I make decent points & dropped some truth bombs that everyone can agree with regardless of how they feel. Thank you all for reading and ā¦ā¦..here we goā¦ā¦ā¦ š«£š®āšØ
Letās beginā¦ā¦..for those who really believe Chris is racist or aināt shit for associating with these foolsā¦ā¦why be here at all?
As mentioned before, many of us believe this is PR and understand we do NOT know details. On the outside looking in itās very easy to go āomg why didnāt he just end this, heās just like themā, yet we also understand Hollywoood is a business, yes?
We understand complex things go on behind the scenes that look so simplistic and easy to us from our limited perspective.
Yes, I understand things look awful, but I need people to understand we donāt know what the hell is truly going on and I say that because itās clear as day that something is off.
Look if Chris were selling this and acting like nothing was wrong then everyone would be losing their minds, and she would have ammo, but enough stuff has happened where you can see he doesnāt like her, heās performing and thatās probably why heās acting has switched up (having to horribly act in real life is affecting his actual craft) there are numerous holes in the cheese š§ of course the question stemsā¦..then why marry the girl especially knowing she has racist friendsā¦ā¦.please go back and refer to the previous and third red paragraphs.
We might not know details but we know Chris isnāt comfortable in this arrangement, of course many reading will roll their eyes at this statement, okay fair. š
Iāll do you all one better, karma is real and for those that arenāt aware. Yesterday Justin (the wifeās soulmate) stood up for one of his racist friends in a post. He has some female friend on a Big Brother type show in Europe and the girl has been recorded on camera doing the damn Nazi Salute and people are pissedā¦..Justinās dumbass makes a post basically saying the girl (his friend) doing the Nazi salute is āmisunderstoodā and a good person or some crapā¦ā¦. The entire time Iām likeā¦..let me sit back and see how this plays outā¦..and if it gets tied back to Evans, I doubt it but letās see. š š§ (this emoji represents me sipping my boba āteaā) š¤
Chris does need to be called out and if this shitshow goes public public to the point the general population learns what fans know and it becomes a big deal, youād better believe weād end up getting a BUA and then some within mere hours or days (remember his response to the bomb pic)ā¦ā¦do i believe any of that will happenā¦..nope. And if that went down like that, Iād question his ass even more.
No one here has issue with people calling Chris out, itās those who act like they know more than they do, who take their own opinions as facts and are 100% sure heās racist and calling him pedo or whatever else that has me likeā¦ā¦well damn if you think thatās true and hate him that muchā¦ā¦.then leave. I would not waste my time on a person I truly thought was evil and vile.
See, I care about this man and as time goes by we see truth and some of us see what we want while ignoring the rest, apply that as you will, come next month, I think people will finally end up determining their final thoughts on things and if it ends with āfuck Chris Evansā, then so be it. He made his bed and now heās laying in it.
Eventually weāll all find out the truth if itās real or if this is all bs and the pr eventually endsā¦..well just know theyāve parted ways and many will still claim it was real.
I say donāt get overly invested in this emotionally, but TOO LATE! š¬ This could be the situation Chris needs to be and do better and finally own his awful choices or to take and not run from accountability (remember how weād always use to get Dodger pics when he did something stupid publicly) or it could be a situation heās initiated that went out of control and he has to FINALLY reap the consequences of his actions/inactions. I donāt know what is going to happen next, but if him and Mrs. Shower scrubber do anything else other than breakup next month, itās a wrap on my end.
Yeah I think itās pr, but I have limits and heās on his 73892929 strike. Keeping it honest, most of us should have left once he claimed to be āmarriedā, yet weāre still here, so yeah canāt no one point any fingers. Weāre all still here hoping something ends up making sense and to hope our fav actor really isnāt out here playing in our faces.
Itās very easy to go well Chris is this and that due to this situation, but once one starts remembering in detail everything thatās happened, part of you goesā¦ā¦.something is 110% off here. @anneslibrary is a great reference because itās so easy to forget how much things donāt make sense and that blog helps people see the big picture and goā¦ā¦yeahā¦..Iām not falling for this bs. š So to sum it up, yes many of us are pissed at Chris, but his saving grace is that there are so many holes in this mess that itās easy to jump and attack him without knowing details and so weāre hoping more details arise to the point we can goā¦ā¦yeah this 100% is fake and was never real, he got looped in some mess and only discovered things once the fandom did but it was too late and Iām glad itās finally over. Okayā¦.yes Iām reaching like crazy, but youāre still here reading my long as diary entry, right. š For me September 2024 will be thee month I decide if Iāll permanently walk away. If they do any more crap, Iām done, point blank.
Enough is enough. I do understand those pissed and wondering why weāre still hereā¦..Iāve been a fan of this man for years and itās not so easy to walk away, call it excuses, but I just donāt think this situation is a grand total of who he is but if Iām proven wrong then it is what it is, but I donāt think Iām wrong.
Chris needs to take accountability and ending this bs would be the first step and then we can all judge in grand detail how he handles the aftermath of shit, would he give clues to show it wasnāt real, will he do a grand gesture that is a lowkey apology to the fandomā¦..doubt it, but I refuse to believe this mess is legit, unless heās proven with legit detail (other than he publicly claims to be married, yet thereās no evidence heās actually gotten married other then a oversized ring and orchestrated bs) that heās just a shitty racist husband who canāt keep his eyes to himself and really married her and if so then Iāll GLADLY FINALLY move on with my life. Noted. And yes those snarky few of you still reading, Iām in the denial phase of the grieving process. š
Either way ya look at it Chris doesnāt get of Scotch free and even if this does end next monthā¦ā¦too much damage has been done. Part of me is here because Iām watching a train that already crashed multiple times and Iām wondering if itās going to keep going with limited damage or will it eventually blow up into pieces.
I hope I was able to make you guys laugh, piss you off and in the end make you go, yep you summed up my multiple thoughts. š¤š« or youāve probably read all of this and went, this bitch is crazy, Iāll take it because you still sat here and read to the end so,ā¦.. Hi crazy! š
Iām done now. š thanks!
Oh Sweetheart this was beautiful and longggggggggggggggg but so beautiful.
Thank you.
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Mailbag time! #1
Hello!! As promised I'll be publishing most answered asks in bulk like this. The questions that need longer, more thorough, paragraph-y responses will be published individually, but I'm grouping all the little ones here.
So here we go! Questions are below the cut.
AshenChromatic: if ruit cant beat suvi in a rap battle.... could... selene? who can save us?
Nights: I think she could put up a damn good fight, maybe even win it if she decide to get super serious. She's definitely the savior we're looking for... Also I put this ask first because it's the only non-anon ask I got in a long time woah!
Anonymous: Which oceanfalls characters thinks abt dinosaurs
Nights: The easy answer is to just say Five, so I'm not gonna limit it to that. I think Diana also thinks about them a lot but on a more involved scientific level. I also think Kaji is someone who would find big cool beast creatures very badass, so he definitely WOULD think about dinosaurs a lot. I bet he even makes cool paintings of dinosaurs hanging out with sharks like a dork.
Anonymous: where does boyfriend let u pet him this is rly important
Nights: For now, just the top of his head. Who knows if there are other spots... Even Meimona has yet to properly befriend him enough to know! You're gonna have to wait for a brave and perhaps more understanding character to get close and find out the hard way. He does allow cheek poking though.
Anonymous: were solis and suvillan meant to come off so intensely queer or was that just something that happened by coincidence
Nights: Not really! I didn't know it could be read that way at all. They're ruler-and-follower who have some baggage left from a former friendship that is yet to be addressed, which as we've seen really bothers Solis in particular. But they have never had romantic interest in each other.
Anonymous: when is ruits bedtime
Nights: Whenever he pleases. He'll retire earlier if it's a night without a lot of work, otherwise he'll be up late if needed.
Anonymous: does meimona like spaghetti
Nights: Definitely. She also likes noodles for the same reason as spaghetti: Long Strings of Food are fun to eat.
Anonymous: Oceanfalls MBTI/Ennegram/Love Languages
Nights: I contemplated doing the MBTI test to find out the answer to this, but it's too time consuming to do that approximately 12 times... so I will leave it to you to assign them with your judgement! Ennegram looks obvious enough. I will leave that to you too! And I don't think I can answer for the Love Languages myself, either. It's out of my comfort zone of how far I'm willing to think and talk about these characters' details. Cheers!
Anonymous: Who in Oceanfalls would be the best cuddler?
Nights: This is also a question beyond my comfort zone. You can probably decide it judging by comic panels or something!
Anonymous: I'm curious about how the winged can sleep comfortably at all, especially the ones with big pair of wings. Do they often sleep on their sides or on their fronts, and do they get scoliosis from this??
Nights: They don't all have to lie to down to sleep. Some can sleep standing up, sitting, lying down, or upside down. Think birds and bats. The ones with big wings will usually wrap it around themselves like a blanket and snooze. If they do lie down, winged with smaller wings can get away with lying on their backs. Otherwise, it's probably down to the sides or on the front, yes!
Anonymous: How big is the Midworld, as a measurement? Whatās itās diameter? And how far above it is the Winged Overworld?
Nights: I'm really bad with numbers for measuring things like this. As in, I've never put exact measurements for it on paper, it just ended up the way it is from guesstimating with my eyes and what made sense for what I wanted to do. You'll have to simply judge it for yourself from what the visuals in the comics show! If you ask me, I would just say it's big enough to fit a winged civilization, and high enough for its civilization's features to not be so easily visible from midworld level.
Anonymous: what are suvi and ruits favorite insults for each other
Nights: Suvillan (and Corona) really likes calling Ruit overgrown. But I don't think Ruit has any kind of creative specific insult that he uses in return... he used to be more of a petty bully when he was a teen, but not anymore. He's a boring guy who resorts to words like "bastard", and only because the literal meaning of it does apply to Suvillan.
Anonymous: Sorry if this sounds nosy or weird, but have you thought of sexualities for your characters???
Nights: I don't remember if I answered this before, but I don't think I did and I can't find it anywhere on the blog, so I'll do it now... Yeah I did for parts of story where it was relevant. I generally don't go deep about sexual-related details of my characters if it's not needed for their arcs or the story's plot in some way. Otherwise, I don't think about it much.
Anonymous: how many times has eidolon been banned from online games and services and how many alternative accounts does she own
Nights: Probably more than you or I could count with all of our hands combined. I bet she needs spreadsheets to keep track of that at this point...
Anonymous: would kaji drink alcohol out of one of those like holographic disney princess cups
Nights: ...This thing???
I think I had that when I was kid. My mom tossed it out because those straws grow mold if you don't clean them well. Uh, anyway, no, Kaji's like almost 30 years old. He'd be the one throwing out YOUR holographic disney princess cup to protect YOU from evil rotting straws. Maybe if you ask really nicely he'd have a single sip, though.
Anonymous: do you th ink propseroous horn would like be able to be pulled back and then it'd fling back like one of those door stoppers and it'd go boiyayanang
Nights: This made me think of humans making door stoppers shaped like monster horns to make fun of them and that's a very good idea in itself. No I'm not going to answer. boiyayanang
#mailbag#winged talk#silly talk#Hmmmhhh I will forgo tagging individual characters on these types of posts yes#I will also try organizing tags better... sorry if some of them are broken I'm working on it
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Journal Entry
31.13.2023
Hey everyone. I hope you guys have been doing well! I haven't posted in a while because things have been just a little hectic. I just wanted to post once again before the year ended.
It has been... Interesting lately. I've had my share of ups and downs. My studies are a major part of my life (probably to an unhealthy level) so my exam results effect my overall mood. This is usually manageable, but I I had a streak of bad exam results around two weeks ago and I had to change my life a little bit. I am trying to be a little more grounded, and to study a bit more than usual. It's worked so far, and I am starting to see some results too. I hope that I can keep this up.
I could continue talking about work, it would probably be more appropriate for a study blog like this one. But to be honest I am just not feeling it today. You may notice a sharp tone change after this paragraph because I just want to vent a little.
I want to be honest, It has been a hard year.
I am a perfectionist. I expect a lot more from myself than I should. But I just feel like I don't have a choice, or maybe I am just continuing a mistake.
I am tired. I am basing my identity on my achievements. I have seen this before on a lot of media that I consume. I am becoming an arrogant asshole because I am just not fit for the job.
I live in a developing country. Fuck developing, you could just say poor. I was born a male and in my nation that means it is my responsibility to provide. I don't want to be poor, and I don't want a theoretical family I may have to be poor. The only way I can do that is if I get into a good university and then a good job. So I feel like I have to be one of the best. But I can't handle the work load.
I am also very alone. I have been neglecting my family, my friends, and people that I would have wanted to know more deeply. I feel that it has been getting harder and harder for me to join their conversations, and I feel like an observer rather than a participant in conversations. I am rotting in a prison I built myself, only my echoes to talk with.
My body is also a mess. I can't continue my weight loss for some reason. It's probably because I have been almost completely sedentary lately. Also haven't been getting much sleepor sunlight. It's a wonder that I am still alive despite all of that.
I think that this is burnout. I am showing a lot of symptoms of it at least.
I don't know what to do. I have so many things to manage but I'm not strong enough. I feel as if I am failing to keep up with everything in my life.
Fuck is it bad. I built a rube goldberg machine of fuck-ups to ruin my life.
I will try to be better this year. Despite everything my situation could still be fixable.
Sadly my first priority for the next 5 months will still be my studies. I have dug that hole too deep to climb out of it.
I may try to be a little more active. Some bodyweight exercises should be a little helpful. I have also been taking the stairs instead of escalators lately so that could help.
Friends are a bit tricky. I haven't had a serious hobby since last year and that limits my conversations. I'm also a little distant to them which makes conversations challenging. I also learnt that some people find me intimidating which could be pushing them away. Fuck do I have a lot to do on this front.
I also decided to try being a little more romantic this year. I'm 18 and I haven't even had a date before, maybe having a partner will help with loneliness. So I will be a little more daring this year on this front.
An incredibly depressing list of goals for 2024. It's pretty much the same as last year's list, except I am starting from a worse point. I still hope that I can use these goals as ideals for who I want to be.
If you've read this, thank you. I wouldn't want to spread my pain to others but my brain still wants to be heard. If you skipped to the end, well all that you'd miss is yet another person whining about life. Nothing exceptional.
Good night everyone and good luck with whatever troubles you might be having!
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SHEāS AN IDIOOOOOT *blares megaphone* Haha, got around to reading ramĆ© 4.0 yesterday and omgā MC, girl, what the fuck are you doing? Are you seriously this daft? Like, who else does Nanami and Geto know that theyāre going to have said secret admirerās contact info? Not fucking Naoya, thatās for sure. Fuck that dude every which way. Geto and Nanami are haters of that dude 110%, without it a doubt. Especially within the jujutsu world thatās got such a limited amount of people within in it? BUT AY, SHEāS MOVINā ABROAD? Aw maaaan š« You got two hours to get some balls and confess, Gojo Senpai. Who wouldāve thought Gojo would believe the fictional writings of romance and love got it right? Thatās definitely something I wouldnāt expect to hear out of him for sure, but then again, he is someone who I find to have a complex personality and probably quite a few layers to him from canon (when you look at him beyond his power and craziness imo). God, Kit, why must you do this to me? 11/10 work once again, but omg, I want to see the next part already š
MC SURE IS AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!
yet yet yet, there seems to have been a major confusion, babe
mr. six eyes doesn't believe in books and movies being right
our dearest mc ain't moving abroad
well, u see-
"how does your first love feel? beautiful, right? the way it's in books, songs and movies... isn't it?"
gojo takes a moment to mull over your query.
it is... yet it isn't.
gojo's neither agreeing nor denying in response to mc's ask
the flutters in his heart when you skip past him in the corridors with a beam; the butterflies in his stomach when you plop on the chair next to him in the cafeteria; the dizziness in his head when your face is too close to his; the utterly-unplatonic thoughts of you plaguing him, day and night, dusk and dawn...
the fictional works sure have got this aspect of love right.
the sorcerer agrees here, yeah
but they aren't right in so many other aspects of it.
only to disagree in the very next line of thought
falling in love with you isn't love-on-first-crash nor is it from a magical transformation in one of you nor is it after ages and ages of ignorance and denial and the final mind-numbing feeling that oh shit! you're the one for him; always have been; the girls with whom he's been till now are mere mirages of you; but it's too late now... you're moving abroad on a flight in two hours, with a boyfriend who's far better than him.
here. here, by moving abroad, he's referring to there where there's a playboy and there's an innocent childhood best friend girl, and there's three hours of every possible trope playing on the screen before THE ULTIMATE LOVE CONFESSION occurs at THE AIRPORT, and the girl dumps her boyfriend to be together with the best friend.
the second-year simply wants to say the mc's and his response isn't as melodramatic as that. it's way simpler and cooler!
the mc isn't moving abroad anytime soon, dw! :))
no.
the goggles-wearing sorcerer's catching feelings for you is way more realistic and easier to digest than that.
the two of you are friends, friends, friends - until the morning the two of you are munching on an ice cream tub, and with a casual glance at you, the boy muses what he feels for you is weird, not like his feelings for his other friends - and after a month's worth research, reaches the conclusion of him being in love with you.
quick. direct. smart.
just like the heir of the gojo clan himself.
hope the above paragraphs and my answer solved whatever doubts u might hv had! :D
TYSM FOR UR ASK, @ancient-vivarium!!!! NGL, UR ASK IS ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS AMONGST THE RESPONSES MY STORIES GET!! ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
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Starting a fresh post because that reblogged content was getting a little long
But @stephsageek tagged me to do this (and you can GO back and read all the reblogged answers here):
Rules: Tag 9 people you want to know better and/or catch up with, then answer the questions below!
Last song: Well, "The Lonely Goatherd" is again stuck in my head since I'm still writing that chapter (I added two more sentences since last time I mentioned it!). I haven't had music on this morning, so the last song I actually listened to was when my clock radio went off, and it was on this eighties r&b ballad I don't know the name of and can't remember the artist, either, but the guy keeps belting out what I think is "find one hundred ways," except my brain always processes it as "five one hundred ways" and I'm always like "why can't he just say five hundred ways like a normal person? Or fifty-one hundred?" and it probably ruins the earnest effect he was going for.
Oh, I guess actually the last song I listened to was that cool stringed instrument I reblogged last.
Three ships: Huh. Five/Viktor is really the biggest I've interacted with lately. And since I am still reading primarily TUA fic the only other (and this time CANONICAL!) ship I'm into there is Lila and Diego (sorry, @stephsageek, I've gone and split up your main ship into two separate ships in response to your own post, oh well!) (I grant you, Five and Lila are my favorite BROTP (ironic turn of phrase there), but that's not what we're talking about. I don't think). So let me cast my nets for whatever are my Biggest Ships of All Time instead, which would be... Howl and Sophie? Yeah, they'd do. You could instead name a property and I'd tell you who (if any) I ship within it. Who else have I written for on AO3? Oh, Melanie and Oliver Bird. Do I ship them or are they just being them (even though that is a flat-out romcom-tagged fic)? The only other non-Gen fic I have there is Tesseract, which will go into the workings of Alex and Kate Murry's marriage a bit quite romantically by my standards, but still isn't really SHIPPING. --I'm not a big shipper, if you couldn't tell, but I DO have ships I care about out there, I promise.
First ever ship: Speaking of the Murrys, Meg and Calvin
Currently Reading: The Astonishing Chronicles of Oscar from Elsewhere, by Jaclyn Moriarty, which has set me off on my how much I just love Jaclyn Moriarty and why don't more people know her raving again. I swear every single character in her books has ADHD and it makes it such a weirdly comfortable world to live in. My kids are like "I KNOW THAT FEELING!" every two paragraphs. She's just so creative and has SUCH a way with chararacters. I'm not fixing that typo, I like it.
Currently watching: I'm actually not sure when the last time I watched ANYTHING was. Not counting videos of cool psychedelic stringed instruments on Tumblr. And cat videos. My son playing Splatoon is what's usually on the TV in the living room, but I wouldn't say I watch all that closely. I just hum along to the music and annoy him.
Currently consuming: Aldi's brand mini wontons mixed with leftover Thai noodles, because why limit oneself to one inauthentic Asian cuisine at a time?
Last movie: again with the What DID I last watch question, which I think means I haven't watched a movie since New Years, the last one of which was STILL (since last I answered the What movie did I last watch question) Arsenic and Old Lace. I got The Music Man out of the library recently because I was quoting "Trouble" at the kids and they didn't know what I was talking about so I have to educate them, but I haven't actually put it ON yet.
Currently craving: Shockingly, not much of anything. Maybe because I just had lunch. Maybe peppermint just to counteract the wontons and Thai noodles.
Tags: do I even know nine people? I don't even know who actually follows me. I'm going to go ahead and tag the last nine people that have interacted with me here, not counting @stephsageek unless she wants to answer all these questions again. @frimframs, @joasakura, @dannypageoflight (that's my brother), @sunnymarbles (that's my youngest kid), @rj-anderson (that's a quite successful author, I don't know why I'm bothering her with this), frimfram and joasakura again, oh, @vovat (that's my friend from college), @e-louise-bates (that's one of my most long-time online friends!), @callmealx (I'm afraid I have NO idea who you are, besides I assume Alx, but that's what this meme thing is supposedly for, after all!) and @rebel-by-default. Is that nine? That's nine. Why hasn't it made Vovat a link? No, none of those suggestions are correct, Tumblr, you fail me.
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7 and 15 for the ask meme! Also you've already said it for yourself, but I want you to know the shaft scene of Underdark lives in my head rent-free. Everything from the moment the train lights pass overhead to the moment Mikey has to climb back out of the shaft with Leo tied to his back. That's like a chapter and a half, I'm sure 50% sure, but I remember like it's been painted on my memory.
me, the author, typing away: oh god this is so STRESSFUL I wonder what happens next
Glad that's someone else's favourite ā„
7. Whatās a trope you love to write?
Too many to count. I know I definitely round back to the same ones a lot, but I think the one I love to write (because now that I think about it I do this a lot lmao) it's > take hero and handicap in some way (whether literally or he's just out of his depth) > hero gets underestimated > hero proceeds to think outside the box and kick your ass with whatever improvised tactic comes to hand Because I LOVE ME SOME INTELLIGENT CHARACTERS and I do this in just about everything, and it may be a direct response to being tired of watching otherwise competent characters get damselled and lie around helpless when they really shouldn't be. (The flip side is if I actually do damsel someone they are fucked up to a level where they Literally Cannot and they will probably fight all the way down to that level because it's the only way to stop my brain from going "but they could do this and--")
I first did that with Kenshin in Tanabata Jasmine, where the bad guys broke his collarbone and took his sword away and he proceeded to have a fight with first a chair leg and then a bowl of rice, so. Kaoru was thinking outside the box the entire time when she was being a small time hacker sliding her way into one of the Top 5 Scariest Zaibatsu In Existence in Zaibatsu Project. That was fun. The list continues from there. I guarantee you this is coming in No Rest For The Weary. A lot. I like underdog fights and impossible odds with inspired badassery. (I also do this in RP a lot, boy Nami did a lot of improv fighting in Luceti.)
15. Are there words, phrases, mannerisms or scenes you tend to use a lot?
OH I SEE HOW IT IS, MY BETA CALLING ME OUT-- jkjk. Um, yes. Mostly Said-Bookisms, which I keep a tight eye on these days because I want to describe tone for every piece of dialogue someone writes and it's Not Necessary. But I'm fond of people speaking mildly and dryly and I like injecting life into conversations but boy it's sure easy to go Too Far with that, so. I also abuse the em dash like many authors and because my usual MO is to switch between Third Person Limited, the passages often have a lot of disconnected thoughts as they start thinking about something else or something happens, so. There are a lot of paragraphs that end with -- and then they sidetrack.
I bet there are phrases that I use a lot. One is 'white-knuckled' which is unfortunate because I'm currently talking about a bunch of kids with green skin and I already noticed I just absently used that in the very first chapter of NRFTW whoops. Also, hilariously, I'm pretty sure I've used the sentence 'He Slept' on its own a few times lately, irony of that story title. I often finish chapters/sections with a very short tl;dr sentence, lmao.
And scenes-- I try my best not to repeat on these, but apparently Mikey and Leo snoozing in bed together is gonna be a repeat theme. Characters waking up confused b/c of concussions and/or drugs and/or Bits of Black Ice Programs Trapped In Their Heads. Bizarrely, I have also written two boardroom scenes in which the protag has to face a bunch of murderous capitalists and outwit them on a verbal scale. The fact that that one occurred twice was not intentional and is a source of great amusement to me.
Thank you!
Fanfic Writer Ask game here.
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an intro post!!
what's up! i'm zee, i'm 23, and i largely use they/them pronouns, though she/her is occasionally acceptable. i've been roleplaying for about 6 years, and i'm unfortunately obsessed with stranger things, hence the blog! i'm always on the lookout for new partners, so don't hesitate to send a message if you're interested in plotting!
i'm a pretty chill person when it comes to writing, but i do have a few rules and guidelines. please read everything before messaging me!
general.
first and foremost, i only write with people 20 or older. please do not contact me if you're under the age of 20, or i will block you.
secondly, i am a black, queer person, and i write a lot of queer characters. if you don't like that, don't interact.
i want to reiterate that i write on discord only. my tumblr blog is just to find people and talk a little before moving over there. i'm a multi-para writer, and i average about 6-8 paragraphs, but i can write less if you're more comfortable with that. that being said, i cannot do one-liners. i like to keep a plot moving and i feel like with one-liners, it just drags out. i will lose interest and the plot will be dropped.
i write in mini servers on discord, and i usually make a couple of channels for us to chat and share things ooc, and different channels for each roleplay. i write in third person, past or present tense, and i have tried in the past but i cannot get into first or second person, so please don't ask me to write in either.
lastly, while i use some bots, i prefer not using tupperbox. it confuses me and more often than not i forget to actually use it when replying.
activity.
i work a full-time job, i'm preparing for a year-long certification course, and i'm mentally ill, so my activity can be spotty. there may be times that i just want to chat without writing, and there may be periods where you get tons and tons of replies from me. please be patient with me either way. you can always poke me gently if it's been a few days and you haven't heard from me, but daily messages, or multiple messages a day make me extremely anxious. i'm less likely to answer you, and it will probably end in a ghosting situation, which is the last thing i want. if you're the kind of person who needs rapid responses every day, we aren't going to vibe.
plotting.
first and foremost, be aware that i require doubling. i have a lot of ideas and ships, and i know plenty of other people do as well. i want us both to be able to get what we want out of writing together. i will always put as much enthusiasm into your plot as i do mine, and i ask that you do the same. if i feel like you're neglecting one plot in favor of the other, i will probably end both.
nsfw and other themes.
i am an adult, and i enjoy writing smut and heavy topics. sometimes, my plots can be very smutty, and other times smut might not appear at all. please let me know what you are and aren't comfortable with upfront so that we can avoid any tricky situations!
i enjoy writing angst, fluff, aus (especially historical aus), omegaverse, pregnancy and family-building, and canon-compliant plots. i love brainstorming and worldbuilding, filling in the many gaps that the duffer brothers have left us with.
i have very few triggers, but i will not write out the following: self-harm, toxic or abusive relationships, homophobia or queerphobia of any kind, racism, heavy descriptions of gore, eye trauma, or animal abuse.
for smut purposes, i absolutely cannot write anal penetrative sex. i had a nightmarish experience both online and in person that i won't go into details about, but anal smut is highly triggering for me. if you bring it into a plot, i will block you immediately. that being said, other limits include: pedophilia, raceplay, feeding/food, feet, detransitioning, and noncon.
characters/ships.
i will delete this part later, but for right now i am not looking for any steddie content. i enjoy the ship, but i have been overwhelmed with it lately and would just like to take a break from it altogether for the time being.
my main muse is steve harrington, who i write as a trans man. he's my favorite character to write as, and is the one i have the most headcanons and backstory for. but i am duplicate-friendly, and welcome other steves to interact!
additionally, i do write as a few members of the party, but i write them all aged up. the only time i will write them as kids are if they're appearing in other plots as background characters.
and lastly, i am open to all kinds of ships, but there are a few things to keep in mind. firstly, i am open to canon/oc ships but only if you have a detailed character sheet for them, so that i can actually get a feel for them. secondly, i do not enjoy ronance or stonathan as romantic ships, but i am always happy to write them platonically (in fact i have a platonic stonathan plot that i am DESPERATE to write so hmu).
characters i write:
- steve harrington (ftm)
- robin buckley (nonbinary)
- max mayfield (ftm)
- nancy wheeler (cis or mtf)
- joyce byers
- jim hopper (cis or ftm)
- dustin henderson
- eleven hopper
- vickie (begging for a last name reveal)
- chrissy cunningham
- carol perkins
as far characters i want to write against - bring me anyone! i love exploring different dynamics between characters, especially ones that don't get to interact much (if at all) in the show. i'm always looking for romantic, platonic, or familial ships, and i'm always looking to plot, so don't hesitate to reach out and send a message!
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hiii ššŖš¦·š and š§© (for the drama š
)
āØ writerās truth or dare! āØ
hi there nonnie !!! tysm for the ask!! i am so sorry for the late response but i hope that u see this and enjoy !! <3<3
š ā¢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?
i have no idea anymore tbh lol. i can tell u that the first fic i ever wrote was an episode tag for the mentalist, and that i was probably was somewhere between the ages of 12 and 15???? but i don't remember the specifics that got me into it. i started reading fic (also for the mentalist) when i was like, 11, so, probably because after a year or two i convinced myself to just give it a shot and the rest was history. at the end of the day, though, it probably just comes down to an uncontrollable urge to put that blorbo into a situation!!
šŖ ā¢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?
not for a fanfic, but i had to know SO MUCH about a limited model run of a special drag racing car that ford made in the early 1960s (only a few hundred made, very rare, etc etc) due to a personal writing project i started and then kind of abandoned when i was like, 16 lol. i used to know the production run numbers and engine size and the paint colors and everything by memory. it was ridiculous.
š¦· ā¢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on
if you love something, do it. even if you fear you won't do it well- if you love something enough, you love it enough to do it shitty. that's so much better than not doing it at all. learning to let go of my incredibly creativity-freezing perfectionism is an ongoing task that i am not even halfway thru, so trust me when i say i know how tough that rly is. but you always regret the things you didn't try more than the things you did.
š ā¢ do you like or dislike surprises?
aaaaaah do we still mean in writing lol? or irl? i like a surprise twist or turn in writing quite a lot! i also love foreshadowing and being chased down by the narrative. there's no perfect right answer! as for irl, it depends, but i don't like to get scared or to have plans suddenly changed at the last minute. if it's a surprise outside of those circumstances, then yes, i do!
š§© ā¢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?
for me it's either poor formatting (i.e. no paragraph breaks, no quotations, no commas, that kind of thing), or (and i hope this doesn't come off rude in any way bc i know we all make different choices stylistically and are all always learning and growing too!), and this might just be a me thing, but if the pov is from like. a god-mode position where the third person narrative knows what every character is thinking at the same time and it's not just switching povs or like. one character's prediction of another's pov. but like. idk what that is called. it just kind of breaks my immersion to the story i think, so i don't tend to vibe with it!
again, thank u so much anon !!! i hope u have a lovely day !! <3 tysm for stopping by my blog and taking time to send in an ask aaaa!
#star unasks#Anonymous#i hope u do see this im sorry it was so late !!!!!#lol but i hope i dont stir up ~drama~ on the last one#i feel like everyone has those weird pet peeves when it comes to formatting or style etc etc
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Love Languages Pt. 2
Pairing: Luke Patterson x reader
Summary: Pt.2 to Luke asking you what Love Languages are
Warnings: talk of drinking and cheating but thatās it
Word Count: 1.6k
Here is part two that you all have been asking for! I deeply apologize for how long it took me to get this up, school is really kicking my butt. I have a bunch of people asking to be on my taglist and Iām currently in the works of making one so comment or reblog or something telling me you want to be on my taglist! Make sure you specifiy for my series or for small blurbs/oneshots like this or both!Ā
Thank you so much for the amazing feedback! I love the comments and yāall are so amazing!Ā
Iām not sure if this will have a part 3?? but let me know if you want one haha. I wonāt be tagging anyone in this because my tags got lost in my notifications, so if you want to be tagged again, make sure you read above! :)
PART 1
* * *
You didnāt mean to avoid Luke, it just kind of happened. Junior Year was no joke and it felt like every night and every weekend you had piles of homework to get done, so you sort of drifted from going to Julieās house everyday. She didnāt mind, she understood just as much and kept you updated on how the band was doing. However, you still felt guilty for avoiding the boys. You were worried that Luke would think he scared you away by touching you, but you were feeling the exact opposite. You wanted to explore more and find out more but here you were, in your room at 12am trying to finish this nagging essay that was due in 8 hours.Ā
You felt your eyelids growing heavy but you shook your head, trying to keep yourself awake. The 3 monster drinks on your nightstand said enough about how much you were trying to keep yourself awake. You had 2 paragraphs left but you knew you were at a losing battle with yourself. The way your eyes were just glazing over at this point and rereading the same sentence over and over was becoming a very evident indication that you needed sleep. Before you could even think about quitting for the night, there was a noise from the side of your room and a grunt. Your eyes quickly darted over to where the noise came from and there stood Luke with that magenta pull over that you really liked.Ā
āLuke?ā His eyes quickly darted over to you, clearly surprised to still see you awake.
āY/n..hey..ā He started and you pushed your laptop away to give him your full attention.Ā
āWhat are you..doing here?..ā You werenāt really sure why he was here and you felt a small bit of tension in the room from avoiding him for the past few weeks.Ā
āI uh..came to see you..ā His voice was small and you pushed your eyebrows together in confusion.Ā
āAt 12 in the morning?..ā You knew ghosts didnāt really sleep but it was still a strange sight to see Luke in your bedroom this late at night.Ā
āYup..ā He trails off and pushes his glance down to the floor. You raised your eyebrow, knowing he wasnāt telling you the whole truth. You two wereĀ still best friends after all, so you could read him like an open book.Ā
āLuke, seriously. What are you doing here?ā You ask trying to push an answer out of him. He finally meets your gaze again and you see his small expression on his face.
āWhy have you been avoiding me?āĀ
You blinked a few times at his bluntness. This time you were the one to avoid his gaze. You picked at your fingernails slightly, knowing Luke was watching you and waiting for an answer.Ā
āI don't mean too.. Schoolās been tough and stuff.ā You say cringing at how lame that sounded even though it was true. Luke stayed silent for a moment, trying to decide if you were lying to him or not. You avoided his eyes and kept your glance locked on the floor.Ā
āDid I do something wrong? Did I overstep by touching you? I didnāt mean to scare you or anything..ā Luke trails off and you frown. You quickly shake your head to tell him no.
āNo, no, no. You didnāt do anything wrong. Iāve just been really swamped with homework..ā You grimace to yourself for coming back to your really lame excuse. You watch as Luke steps a little closer, testing the waters. When you donāt object to him moving closer, he takes a slow seat on your bed beside you.Ā
āYou look tired..ā He points out, gently reaching to touch your cheek. It warms both of your bodies as your skin makes contact. His hands were..warm..and comforting. You werenāt sure what you expected but it definitely wasn't this.Ā WhoĀ knew ghosts were warm?Ā
āI told you Iāve been swamped with homework.ā You chuckle and this time Luke chuckles along with you. He gently pulls his hand away and folds them into his lap. You stare down at your feet for a few moments trying to figure out what to say next. This felt like completely new territory the two of you were exploring and by the energy and growing tension in the room; this was a little bit scary.Ā
āDo you think you know..why we can..touch?ā You ask hesitantly. Julie was filling you in here and there at school, but it wasnāt much and they didnāt seem to come up with anything as to why you had theĀ āpowersā too.Ā
āNo..itās still all confusing. We think Julieās mom has something to do with us being connected to Julie but we donāt know about you.ā Luke says, side eyeing you and you werenāt sure if that was a hint for you to talk about your past or not.Ā Ā
You didnāt really open up about your past. No one had ever really asked so you never really talked. Julie knew a little bit, she knew that your mom and dad fought a lot and you didnāt like being at home that much, but that was about it. You didnāt talk about it further than that, so when you could feel Luke trying to dig into your past more, you shrugged.Ā
āMy parents donāt talk much about stuff. I donāt know.ā You say, keeping it short and simple. Luke frowns a little at your answer, but he knows not to push so he doesnāt. The two of you sit in more silence beside one another. You picked at your finger nails while Lukeās eyes travelled around your room.Ā
āI ran out on my mom. She didnāt believe in my dream and though dropping out of high school was the worst possible idea. We got into a fight and I ran out. That was the last time I saw her face to face. I died before I could make amends with her.ā You glance at Luke, surprised at his openness. Even though you guys were best friends, talking about stuff like this was kind of off limits. The memory hurt too much so you never talked about at home, parent problems.Ā
āWow..Iām sorry. That must have been hard on both of you.ā You admit and Luke nods.
āIt was, but Julie helped me make amends with them last year.ā Luke smiles a little and you smile too. You knew his little story was a play to get you to start talking so you took in a little breath.Ā
āMy dad cheated on my mom a few years ago with..a few other women. My mom keeps trying to make excuses for him to keep him around. They fight a lot because my dad doesnāt want to stay but my mom keeps pushing it. Theyāre both pretty heavy drinkers, too. Itās not a very good mix.ā You explain. It felt weird to say it out loud, but it also felt nice to talk about it with someone.
āIām really sorry, Y/n. I canāt imagine how difficult that is.ā Luke empathizes but you only shrug.Ā
āItās a good thing Julie letās me come over so much. Sheās been there for me for it all and I really love her for that.ā You say, smiling at the thought of Julieās friendship. You really couldnāt ask for a better best friend to get through it all.Ā
āYeah, Julieās really great. She does it all.ā Luke laughs and you nod in agreement. More silence fills in between you two but it was comfortable silence. This time you lean your head on Lukeās shoulder and he pulls his arm around you to bring you closer. You could feel the tension slowly fading away. Sometimes all it took was one meaningful conversation to break the barrier.Ā
āOh yeah, I saw these on my way over here and I thought you might like them.ā Luke smiles and you watch as he digs into his pocket before pulling out a small bouquet of those pretty Aster flowers. You sit up a little, instantly recognizing them. They were your grandmaās favorite before she passed away when you were little.Ā
āAsters?ā You ask and Luke glances at you a little surprised.
āIs that what theyāre called? Theyāre really pretty.ā Luke smiles and hands them to you. You smile, smelling them and instantly getting that fresh scent of your grandmaās house.Ā
āThey are very pretty. Thank you.ā You smile warmly and Luke smiles again.Ā
āYeah, youāre welcome. They just reminded me of you.ā Luke says and you chuckle. That was something your grandma had said to you a lot.Ā
āYou should probably get going. Itās getting late and the boys are probably wondering where you are.ā You chuckle, glancing at how much later it had gotten and you still had to wake up for school the next morning.Ā
āYeah, youāre probably right. Iāll see you at Julieās tomorrow?ā Luke stands up and sends you a hopeful glance. You chuckle and nod a yes.Ā
āYeah, see you there, Patterson.ā Luke smiles at your response. You watch as he hesitates to leave for a moment and youāre about to question him when in one quick motion he plants a kiss on your cheek before poofing out.Ā
You sit there, a little stunned, before allowing a small blush to creep itsĀ way onto your cheeks. You got up to put your flowers in your little vase on your desk. It added a nice touch to your room. If Luke hadnāt come in to make you more alert, you would have missed it. On your desk by the vase was a small piece of paper with writing on it. Upon examining it further, it was one of the last notes your grandma had written to you before she passed away. You thought you had lost that somewhere in your numerous papers, but there it was, front and center on your desk.Ā
I will be with you, today, tomorrow, and forever. You just have to look for the signs - GrandmaĀ
#julie and the phantoms#japt#japt luke#japt cast#alex japt#reggie japt#julie molina#love#angst#luke patterson#luke patterson x reader#luke patterson x y/n#flynn jatp#ray japt#luke patterson imagine#willie japt#fanfiction
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Hello! This is a bit different from your usual gwynriel/elucien asks, so I hope you donāt mind, but itās something thatās been bothering me lately and I wonder if anyone else has noticed.
Iām not sure if itās because if the upsurge in popularity of acotar on tiktok/twitter with a younger audience reading it, or if Iāve just been lucky and not noticed it before, but Iāve seen so many Tamlin stans coming out of the woodwork and it honestly bothers me.
I definitely do agree that Tamlin is a complex character and of course, itās fine that people are interested in him (I really donāt care about him, but to each their own)! But lately there have been so many people in the fandom arguing that heās a victim of PTSD who deserves better, often villainizing Feyre/Lucien because of this.
Iāve seen takes that Feyre was gaslighting Tamlin when she told him she was happy with Rhys because Rhys still had the whole night court persona going on?? And that Lucien and Feyre were a horrible support system because they wouldnāt stand up to him (completely ignoring that when they did Tamlin ā¦ ya know ā¦ physically hurt both of them)? And that somehow Feyre spying in the Spring Court in ACOWAR was also abusive and manipulative towards Tamlin?
I just genuinely donāt understand where all of this is coming from. I try to be critical of SJMās writing because I understand that it can be flawed, especially since I have problems with how Feysand was written after ACOWAR, Azrielās issues with women, the ICās treatment of Nesta, etc. But I just canāt seem to get behind these interpretations and Iām not sure if Iām just missing something (or ābiasedā by Feyreās POV as some claim).
Wooooooo boy, so I didn't know that this was a thing happening but lemme break down how wrong these people are with some of these arguments! This is going to get long.
(I definitely don't mind, I appreciate any ask that's not just about ship wars!)
So I'm going to lay out the claims people are making and talk about them one at a time.
Tamlin has PTSD:
Probably yes. In the beginning of acomaf, Feyre mentions that he has trouble sleeping, just like she does, and I believe he gets up at night, and this is when their relationship really deteriorates. I can't say for sure what he was experiencing, but it seems like he had a lot of anxiety and fears left over from Amarantha and watching Feyre die. The things he was experiencing emotionally are 1000% understandable and valid, even if it wasn't diagnosable PTSD.
But you know who else likely has PTSD? Lucien and Feyre.
Say it with me everyone: emotions do not always justify behaviors.
Feyre is gaslighting Tamlin:
Hell fucking no.
People need to learn what gaslighting is. Gaslighting is not just "lying". Gaslighting is not "disagreeing". Gaslighting is a very specific tactic used to make someone question their memory, their reality, to twist the truth.
Rhys definitely had a persona. That was a calculated decision. But when Feyre tells Tamlin that she is happy, she is not lying at all. Her telling Tamlin that she is happy has nothing to do with whatever lies or manipulations that Rhys did in the past. Why? Because even if Rhys was a super asshole dark dude, Feyre saying she is happy with him is still the truth. Feyre isn't lying, let alone gaslighting Tamlin, that idea is completely laughable.
The only way that people could say that Feyre is gaslighting Tamlin is to say that she is responsible for Rhysand's Dark persona, that she is the one who created it with the intention of making people question what they thought was true. Which she isn't. That isn't even the reason that Rhys created the persona. He created it to obscure the truth in the first place.
And even his persona isn't gaslighting? He isn't trying to make people question their reality. He isn't trying to make people question themselves. He is trying to make himself look scary. And so when he drops that persona, he is telling the truth. He isn't gaslighting people, he is saying "hey I wasn't being honest before but now I am".
And i think that's a big, big difference that people are failing to understand. Gaslighting is about trying to change other people's reality. Rhys's persona was about him. Feyre saying she was happy was about her. Neither of those things were about trying to make people feel like they were crazy.
So there has to be this reality. Let's say Rhys was spotted being menacing. Person A is like "hey, you look scary!" And he's like "noice, my evil plan is working." Then later on Rhys is like "hey you know what, I wasn't being honest before, I'm actually a Super Cool Dude." Person A might be confused for a minute because what they thought was true wasn't true, but they'll get there.
If it were gaslighting, on the other hand, it would go more like: Rhys: *is nice*. Person A: "hey, I thought you were scary though?" Rhys: "nah, that was my good twin, Rhysnaldo. I've never been nice a day in my life. You must be confused." Person A: *questioning everything they thought they just witnessed".
So yeah anyway, people gotta stop using that term if they don't know what it means.
Feyre manipulating Tamlin:
Personally, I agree with the argument that she manipulated Tamlin in the beginning of acowar. I don't think that's even a matter of interpretation, she went to Spring with the intention of burning shit down.
Feyre was not abusive towards Tamlin. She knew his weaknesses and exploited them. I don't care that she did that to him, I think that she deserved a bit of vengeance. However, personally I cannot stand the fact that in doing so she caused a lot of collateral damage and did not gaf. Deal with your abusive ex however you need to, Feyre. Don't knowingly, intentionally bring harm to other people in doing so.
Feyre and Lucien failing as a support system:
NO.
Feyre literally saved Tamlin's life by killing and dying for him. Lucien was also tortured by Amarantha because of Tamlin. Neither of them broke and betrayed him. They were incredibly loyal to him throughout acotar. Even now, when Lucien is being emotionally and physically abused by Tamlin, Lucien is still trying to work with him, make sure he is fed, make sure he doesn't completely lose his humanity fae-ness. Lucien is the only reason that the Spring Court hasn't completely collapsed while Tamlin wallows in his beasty feelings.
Any time that either Feyre or Lucien try to stand up to Tamlin, he gets manipulative and abusive. He emotionally manipulates Feyre into feeling guilty for wanting to be able to defend herself. He emotionally abuses Feyre by making her afraid of his anger and afraid of how he will react to anything that she says or does. He glares or shouts down anything the Lucien says.
Also, Tamlin is a High Lord! They can only do so much when it comes to standing up to him.
For real, Feyre and Lucien did literally everything that they possibly could in order to try to support Tamlin, and much of that was to their own detriment. In trying to support Tamlin, they got emotional and physical abuse in return. So no, fuck that. Being supportive does not mean we have to put up with abuse.
Being biased in Feyre's favor:
We are not biased by Feyre's POV in the sense that she is trying to mislead the reader, but we are limited by her POV because she doesn't know everything. She tells us the truth as she knows it. That is very different from a narrator who is intentionally trying to hide things or lie or mislead.
But even if we were biased by Feyre's POV, so fucking what??? Is it so wrong to take the side of a victim of abuse? Why do we need to try so hard to understand Tamlin's side? People can do that, of course, I have myself, especially later on in the story. In acofas I started to feel sorry for him. I've been mad at how Rhys treated him in acofas. But the idea of being biased in Feyre's favor means that we would have to question her, in some way, when she recounts the story of her abuse. That's disgusting, to me. What reason do we have to think she isn't telling her story truthfully?
We might naturally have more empathy towards Feyre because we heard the story from her POV, but again - why is that a bad thing? To hear a story from the victim of abuse and feel empathy for them??? Call me crazy but that's not a problem. I'm going to empathize with Feyre, and I'm going to believe Mor (and Rhys, and Lucien). The end.
A final word
Just something you said in the last paragraph struck me, in regards to Azriel's view of women and how the IC treats Nesta: those are not thing to criticize in sjm's writing, I think. Just because Tamlin is abusive doesn't mean that sjm shouldn't have written him that way, ya know? If there are inconsistencies in characterization or a lack of understanding of abusive dynamics or alcohol abuse or something like that, those are things we can criticize in her writing. But characters do uncomfy things, that's supposed to happen.
What I'm trying to say is that there is a difference between criticizing a character's actions, and criticizing the way they have been written. Pretty much everything above falls under the realm of "analyzing a character or story", not criticizing the author.
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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Redux! Oct. 13, 2020)
Gooooood evening good evening good evening, all! I started the VOD late for this recap and somehow the first four or so minutes of the show have a Twitch audio copyright claim, so I am reduced to only reading Brian's lips when he asks if we're on the internet. Hilariously, Marisha's background room is a comfy-looking blue/gold fabric wall with a ceramic colorful abstract lamp and a yellow silk scarf over the lampshade, and Taliesin's is an industrial looking games room in grey and black with multiple monitors, overhead speakers, and mysterious metal fixtures behind him. What a treasure this group is, honestly.
Tonight's guests: Marisha Ray & Taliesin Jaffe, discussing episodes 110 and 111 again. I wildly speculate once more about what might have caused their absence: jury duty? Sam appearing on The Masked Singer? Something to do with the animated show? One day, weāll know, one day... (One day this ācopyrighted audioā section will come back from the wars, too. Ugh!) Finally! The audio comes back to reveal Brian discussing the endless reality of digital meetings and Marisha talking about (I think) her glare-reducing glasses sheās wearing. Welcome to the New Age (welcome to the New Age, to the New Age).
Announcements: Marisha suggests checking out Dimension20, another live tabletop gaming group, which premieres live on Wednesdays at 4pm (CollegeHumor).Ā
Brian immediately wants to know how they feel about the revelation that Molly is alive. Taliesinās personal reaction: he āknows some thingsā he canāt talk about and is aware of several possibilities that might be going on, but had a sneaking suspicion that there would not be a body for them to find. He says itās almost all there for anyone to see in past material. Marishaās personal reaction: she just wants to know how sheās doing with her theories, & was trying to block Talās face out deliberately as she was going off on her theories in the last episode. Taliesin says he thought her ideas were pretty good!
Cad has no clue what to think - itās like listening to your friends talk about Buffy. Marisha thought it was a 50/50 Molly would still be there, but Beau had no idea. Not that it mattered, because as soon as Matt went through with it the reveal still blew their minds. Tal laid out his plans for the character with Matt during Campaign One (towards the end) after they all got their VM tattoos.
It is a āhorrifying and grossā thing to dig up a body, and Beau was pretty reluctant to do it. Tal, as Cad: āSometimes deadās better.ā The moral quandary of trying to speak with a dead friend was very different here than the frequent occasions they used the spell in C1.
Taliesin says his poker face is very bad, so itās easier for him to over-react and let it all play out. The only other player he can see very easily from his place in their current setup is Travis, and because he knows Travis doesnāt watch TM, tweet, or participate in social media, he admits he thoroughly enjoyed watching Travis freak out at his freaking out. He says he only knew about 20% of what Matt described at the end of that episode. He was picking things to mug to increase Travisās surprise. I love this so much.
Taliesin provided the table left leg shake; Travis provided table right. Ha!
Beau is really accepting her role in the Cobalt Soul. Itās good when āas a person, you feel like you can settle into your calling. Sometimes you can do more from the inside than fighting from the outside.ā Itās a mirrored but opposite path of Keyleth from C1; Beau felt like she was too good for her duty, while Keyleth thought she wasnāt good enough.
Caduceus is not a big believer in jumping to conclusions. He does have an idea/notion of the ācity of the undeadā and thinks all this necrotic energy must come from somewhere, and wonders if this is the ācapital of anti-death.ā Heās willing to believe whatever he sees. This is one of the few things that trigger a bit of loathing and disgust in him. It was terrifying that the Wildmother didnāt know anything.
Beau is pretty confident in her Charlie Day impression laying-out-the-research last episode. She enjoyed taking the things that were known & extrapolating around them; this is a huge facet of Marishaās own personality and she really enjoys it, so she built a character this time that would allow that kind of puzzle-solving. Itās also why she repeatedly notes when Beau journals, so she can avoid metagaming. Trentās mention of Vess Durognaās tomb raiding was completely circumstantial, and the only reason sheād made the connection to the Tombtakers was because sheād recently reviewed those notes for a separate unannounced project. Sometimes she tries to make connections and Matt is like, āIt was...just descriptive. Just flavor. The curtains were red...ā and she has to discard a paragraph of notes. She feels like itās still something they have to do because of ālook at what he does! Look! Itās totally valid!ā
Cosplay of the Week: @kitsunstudios with a gorgeous Caduceus with a very intricate silk vest.
Caduceusās takedown of Trent! One of my favorite moments in the entirety of C2. Taliesin felt Trent was an asshole; Caduceus felt sorry for him because of how dumb he thought he was. Caduceusās response was "this is the dumbest man Iāve ever met in my life. Heās so dumb! Is nobody going to tell this guy how dumb he is? Oh, theyāre all freaked out. Somebody needs to tell this guy heās an idiot before somebody gets hurt.ā (Marisha: āBefore?ā) Tal says it was the product of several years of therapy and many drunk conversations with Whitney Moore. It was from a genuine place of concern from Caduceus. āHow are you allowed to have this much power and be that dumb?ā
Brian loved how funny it was to watch everyone tiptoe around Trent and then Caduceus bulldoze through the end of the meal.
Taliesin: āDamage doesnāt make you interesting or better. Itās not what makes you good. Character isnāt found in damage. Just recovery.ā
Brian & Marisha commiserate going through the stage where believing surviving something automatically made you a stronger person, better for the pain; instead it just meant you had to pick up the pieces after. Marisha talks about how strength through survival may be true for some people, but it shouldnāt be considered a necessity. Taliesin talks about how he used to think he had to be miserable to write. Brian talks about how believing he liked reading and writing miserable things only limited him for years.
Marisha feels itās a C2 theme that almost all the PCs have someone trying to handwave or take credit for their accomplishments or explain their pain as being for their own good (Trent, Beauās dad, Obann). She thinks itās interesting to see all the various ways people try to take credit for your work/delegitimize you as a person. She loves that RPGs allow you to explore these odd moralities in interesting ways. The only way to fight it is to have a sense of your own self-worth, which is a problem a lot of the M9 started with.
Caduceus likes everyone, and really likes people who appear to need role models (Eodwulf). āWith the right friends and the right bar and the right attitude, I think heād be okay. Come over here where itās so much better. That seems like an exhausting friendship that you have there.ā
Marisha loves the mix of personalities in the M9; Veth, Cad, & Jester were all āwe kind of like them!ā after the dinner, and she immediately made eye contact with Travis and they both shook their heads. She knows Beau has to go along with it for Calebās sake for now, but she & Fjord are pretty sus of Trentās proteges.
Beau is less concerned about Artaganās relationship to Jester because āhe showed his ass--sheās less worried about Jester now because a little of the magic is gone.ā Itās a little like becoming an adult and realizing your parents are also just adults & human. Caduceus wasnāt suspicious of the Traveler for a long time until they got to the island. Aside: Taliesin loves the pantheon in D&D. āThe notion of attempting to apply common Western conceptions of religion to a world where you have a pantheon of interventionist gods as baseline makes no sense to me. Everyone admits that every other god is there and doing shit; it has more in common with ancient Rome than anything else.ā Now that he knows it was a con, he feels the wind had been taken out of it. He does have a sense that Jesterās gotten back together with an ex: āI hope that Iām really happy for you.ā Theyāre both interested to see how Jester navigates the new relationship.
My internet goes out, of course. I panic for a second, thinking Iāve lost everything above, but all is well! Thanks, Form History Control addon!
Marisha loved punching Artagan, but regretting rolling so poorly. āI miss violence.ā Dani lets us know itās been about four episodes since the last battle.
Thereās no way the Cobalt Reserve doesnāt have a single document on the Eyes of Nine. Beau believes āthere are no real secretsā because people are just bad at not writing things down. For there to be no information at all seems really suspicious for her.
Fanart of the Week: @oddalchemist on twitter with some awesome Beau conspiracy red-thread boards overlaid a distant shadowy Molly walking away.
Caduceus feels a little guilty for really enjoying his time right now with the M9 and not wanting to go home. Heās starting to suspect that heās going to go home very different than when he left. āHe has the softest problems. I donāt know if I want to move back in with Mom & Dad.ā
Beau is trying to get comfortable with the idea of being happy. Jester is probably Beauās first real best friend & one of the first healthy female friendships sheās ever had. As long as she still has Jester in her life, she doesnāt care. For Yasha... āAt the end of the day, Beau is a lonely person and has always been a lonely person. And I think you kinda reach this point where once youāre not lonely anymore, you can kind of come out of the fog and realize that was horrible! And terrifying! And is even more terrifying now that I know what I could have, and I donāt want to go back to that. At the end of the day Beau doesnāt want to be lonely anymore. Thereās always been that flirtation with Yasha, but everyone had to figure their own shit out. And now it feels like itās coming out a little bit of that haze, maybe this actually could be...ā There are a lot of ways they complement each other & are good-different from each other. Marisha believes people can be attracted to more than person at once.
Caduceus doesnāt think nature turned against him on Rumblecusp, it was just a reality of nature being dangerous and violent. āHe has a complex relationship with nature.ā He doesnāt expect special treatment.
Thoughts on the mansion: āMan, itās nice to be seen.ā Marisha: āI donāt know how I ended up becoming the Scanlan of this campaign, but Iām living for it.ā It felt like an echo of āIām better for having known you.ā They compare Marisha taking specific notes on the campaign to Liam taking specific notes on peopleās favorite tapestries, comics, etc.
They talk about missing theme parks and daydream a park version of the mansion in CritRoleLand. Itās lovely.
Taliesin never expected Divine Intervention to work; he just wanted to roll some dice. Heās still processing what he saw/heard. They all agree it was very useful in the Vokodo fight.
Vilya! Marisha: āAh! Ah! Ah!ā As a player, Marisha was so deep in Beauās eyes she didnāt pick up it was Vilya at first (especially since Matt really emphasized they should not be looking for C1 NPCs). Marishaās brain melted. She bawled her eyes out on the ride home after that episode. Right after it ended, Laura told Marisha āKeyleth finally gets her happy ending,ā and it makes Marisha emotional again since Keylethās story ended so bittersweetly. She talks about the very real feelings of ājust wanting them to be happy, though!ā She went back and listened to all her old Keyleth playlists. Everyone was teary after the episode. āEveryone has these 100% real memories of being these characters and having these good times.ā
And thatās that for that! Thanks for your patience, all, and is it Thursday yet?
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(Resending since mine got burried!)
Name: Popcorn
URL: emptycrockpot9000
Age: 18+
Preferred Way of RPing: Discord
Time Zone: GMT+8 (I stay up quite late, don't worry!)
1st, 2nd, 3rd POV: Third Person
Preferred Role: Alpha
Preferred Pairing: M/M
Fandom or Oc's: Primarily Oc's, since I find fandoms more difficult to work with. Doesn't mean I don't do them though! I just prefer to be really familliar with the fandom before anything!
Favorite AU's: I enjoy most AU's, really, and I might not get to list them all in here. I do enjoy fantasy, medieval, royalty, futuristic, arranged marriage, etc... They aren't just limited to these, though!
Triggers: N/A
Preferred Length When replying: I like detail and description, plus I'm a sucker for long responses but you don't have to go full novella- though that would be nice, too. 4-5 paragraphs is good enough for me, just please no one-liners or anything similar to that.
How Long Would You Like to RP For: Longterm, if that's possible!
Omegaverse Tropes That You DO NOT Like to Use: I'm open to a lot of them, so I don't think there's one that I have a particular dislike for at the moment. I'll say so if I feel uncomfortable, though! You tell me so as well, so we're clear.
Anything Else You would Like to Mention: I really like in depth detail in rps. I love world building- even down the most insignificant detail! I eat stuff like deep lores and characters up. I love seeing growth and development in the rp as well, so I'd really rather not jump things immediately and just let the chatacters grow first. I also like drama in my roleplays, to spice things up! It could be a false death, a sudden break-up, whatever! As long as it gives more life to the rp and makes it more interesting. I am also a big fan of angst, whump, etc... anything you can throw my way and I'll probably take a liking to it! Conversations outside of rp? I'm open to that as well! I love talking about our characters- why they're that way or delving into their personalities- or just general memes and fun.
#available rper#omegaverse#omegaverse rp#a/b/o#a/b/o verse#a/b/o rp#a/b/o verse rp#ocs#headcanon#alpha/beta/omega#alpha/beta/omega rp#alpha/beta/omega verse#alpha/beta/omega verse rp#dynamic rper: alpha#dynamic rper: beta#dynamic rper: omega#pairing rper: m/m#pairing rper: f/m#pairing rper: f/f#oc rper#fandom rper: supernatural#fandom rper: voltron#fandom rper: teen wolf#fandom rper: harry potter#fandom rper: hannibal#fandom rper: hetalia#fandom rper: marvel#submission
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The Seduction of Sirius Black - Part 1
Pairing: Hermione Granger x Sirius Black
Summary:
Hermione loves her boyfriend, but thereās just one little problem -- sheās hopelessly attracted to Sirius Black.Ā
Warnings: Swearing, Smut/18+ NSFW, Angst, Ron bashing (sorry)Ā
Authorās Note: Posting some old stuff! Honestly, editing it has been a nice lead back into really writing. Very cathartic!Ā
Also, apologies for the Ron bashing in this story. I know itās a stupid trope and to a certain extent I really enjoy Ron as a character, buuuuut Iām using it as a cheap way to move plot.Ā
ALSO, this is obviously a AU where Sirius didnāt die in the Department of Mysteries.Ā
ALSO (and this is the last one I swear), I AM a big fan of Wolfstar but I also have daddy issues and find Sirius Black extremely attractive and this is my tumblr so I can write the stories I want I guess. Haha Not to mention, Sirius Black gives BIG bisexual energy.Ā Ā
MASTERLIST
***Ā
Hermione didnāt really know when it had happened ā this attraction to Sirius Black. It wasnāt as if she had woken up one day with the sudden urge to jump across the table and shag the older wizard into the next life. The whole thing had occurred much more gradually than that, she supposed. However, despite all of the trivial aspects of herā¦situation, Hermione chose instead to focus purely on the fact that he was entirely off limits. For many reasons. There was no way anyone in her close-knit circle of friends would be okay with her becoming entangled with a man more than twice her age and who also happened to be her best friendās god father. It would be unacceptable. It would be impractical. Most of all it would be highly inappropriate as she was currently dating her other best friend, Ronald Weasley.
She supposed the attraction was inevitable to a certain degree. At the beginning, nearly a year and half ago, things like physical attraction were far from her mind. Sheād just started her new position at the Ministry, Harry and Ron were training to be Aurors, the war had just come to an end and thus her life was a whirlwind of people and places. But over time things slowed down. Ronald was stationed away on official Auror business more and more often, leaving very little time for him to visit her and when he did come back, he had to split his time between her and his large family. Harry, having waited for Ginny to finish her final year at Hogwarts, had gone and married her the summer after and for all intents and purposes abandoned her. Harryā¦
It was really all Harryās fault. Or at least thatās what Hermione liked to think whenever she felt her heart skip and her pulse slip between her thighs in Sirius Blackās presence. It had been Harryās idea for Hermione to move into Grimmauld Place with him and Sirius after the war. Family, it seemed, had taken an important role in everyoneās lives when Lord Voldemort fell for the final time. All of the Weasley children had moved back to their childhood home of the Burrow ā even Charlie much to everyoneās great surprise and delight. Tonks and Remus moved in with her mother and father, Andromeda and Theodore, to bask in the cheer of their newborn baby Teddy. And Harry had moved in with Sirius. Everyone had felt the need to be closer than ever to the ones that they loved, and Hermione completely understood that need. In fact, if she had had a family to go to, she would have moved in with them as well. But her parents were still in Australia somewhere, the location even unknown to herself as sheād designed it that way. Harry, being fully aware of this fact, insisted that she move in with him and Sirius. Hermione had been fully prepared to get her own flat in London. But after a bit of prodding sheād accepted Harryās offer, secretly grateful that her best friend was so kind and thoughtful. Now, she probably cursed him name at least five times a day.
Hermione had been happy for him and Ginny when they announced their engagement. Sheād cried not only when Ginny asked her to be her maid of honor, but also when the two had said their āI doās. However, Harry moved out of Grimmauld Place following their marriage and subsequently left her to live with Sirius Black all by herself. So now she sat in the quaint little kitchen of the Black home, sipping her morning tea, and trying incredibly hard to keep her attention on her book rather than glance up at the rugged wizard sitting across from her.
āHmpfā Sirius let out the little sound of surprise before continuing, āWould you look at that. Sources say that while Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt, announces no final decisions have been made in regard to the recent Magical Creature Equality Act proposed last month, there are certain voices in the Ministry that are persuading not only the members of the Wizengamot, but the Minister himself to vote yes for magical creature equality.ā He read the words aloud, peaking over his paper at her and raising his eyebrows. āI wonder who those certain voices or voice isā¦ā he mused humorously.
It was no secret that shortly after being appointed a position in the Ministry department of Magical Creatures, Hermione had gone about being a personal activist for Magical Creature rights. Merlin, she had written almost the entire Act herself. Her hand still cramped at the thought of the hours she spent in her office and the library at Grimmauld Place scribbling away with her quill.
āNo idea,ā Hermione responded, feigning ignorance but blushing all the same in embarrassment. She kept her eyes on the pages of her book but found no matter how many times she read and reread the same paragraph she couldnāt retain it. Slowly her eyes shifted to the man in front of her. His gaze was fixed on the paper and so she was free to take him in. He had just showered, his wavy brown hair hanging damp to his shoulders. It made him look, in her opinion, especially delectable that morning. Hermione felt herself blush even deeper at the lewd thoughts threatening to enter her mind before looking back down at her book and scolding herself.
āSo, when is Ronald coming for a visit again? Need me to clear off any time soon?ā Sirius asked, sparking up conversation after the long bout of silence.
āUnfortunately, he wonāt be back till next month,ā she sighed, ignoring the second half of Siriusās question.
āWell thatās not too bad I supposeāā Sirius smiled warmly and set down his paper as he stood up āāIt gives you plenty of time to focus on getting the Ministry on board with your Act before youāreā¦distracted.ā Sirius added the last part with a teasing implication not lost on Hermione.
āMy Act?ā Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow jokingly as she stood up as well and took her teacup to the sink. She grabbed the sponge to begin washing up when Sirius took it from her hand.
āI can do the washing up. Youāre going to be late for work. Besides, itās not like I work or anything. Might as well do something productive today,ā he stated dryly, turning on the tap.
āHmm, yes. Iāve been meaning to talk to you about that. Youāve become quite the lay-about. When are you going to get a job and start contributing to the household?ā Hermione asked cheekily.
āLay-about? Need I remind you that this is my house that you live in, rent free. Youāre lucky a kind old man like me has taken a liking to you, or youād be on the streets, kitten,ā Sirius said, flicking some water off his fingertips in her direction.
āMore like taken pity on meāā Hermione shook her head āāand youāre far from an old man, Sirius. I swear, youād like people to think youāre closer to eighty than twenty!ā She exited the kitchen and slipped into her heels next to the front door.
āMind picking up some milk on your way home, kitten? Weāre almost out!ā Sirius called out to her, ignoring her statement on his age. Hermione tried not to focus on the way her stomach flipped in response to Sirius using his nickname for her for a second time that morning.
āSure thing!ā she called back before exiting the front door and apparating the moment she hit the sidewalk.
Hermione found it very difficult to work that day. The summer heat had become abysmal, proving to be quite the sticky, humid season, and of course that meant the Ministryās cooling charms were on the fritz. By the time the day was over, Hermioneās hair had grown three times its size. Catching her reflection in a Ministry window, Hermione had gasped at its state. Even she hadnāt known it could get that big. In addition, her silk blouse that she had tucked into a polyester pencil skirt had become damp and uncomfortable from the sweat that accumulated on her body throughout the day. Ā And even after casting multiple drying spells to herself and her clothes, there was still nothing she could do about her hair. To add to her physical discomfort, she also struggled with a mental discomfort as well. Ron had been plaguing her mind all day long.
Ronald Weasley. Her oldest friend, now boyfriend. It hadnāt been a shock to anyone when they had gotten together after the war had ended. It had almost been expected in fact. Sheād liked him since third year and aside from his short tryst with Lavender Brown, it had been obvious they would be together. Hermione loved Ron, she really did, but he was gone so often. Gone often and when he was home things feltā¦off. His affection seemed to have waned and Hermione was left thinking that perhaps it had something to do with her. Every time he chose to kiss her cheek as opposed to her lips or pat her leg friendly instead of holding her hand Hermione felt a little blow to her confidence. Bitterly she thought of how he and Lavender had been all over each other sixth year. She certainly wouldnāt enjoy having Ronās tongue shoved down her throat in broad daylight, but surely, itād be nice to have him show a bit of affection. In the beginning heād been much more enthusiastic. They would often sneak off for a cheeky snog and hands often lingered under tables. Theyād even gone all the way. It had been romantic and sweet, and Ron had certainly enjoyed himself. Or at least she thought he had. But now she wasnāt so sure. Maybe sheād been rubbish at it and he didnāt know how to tell her. Maybe he just didnāt find her attractive anymore. She had put on a bit of weight in the past year and a half. Hermione figured it was for the best as she was no longer starving to death on the run from Voldemort and his Death Eaters. But now when she looked in the mirror her eyes focused for too long on the swell of her breasts, the curve of her hips, the thickness of her thighs, and the softness of her stomach.
Despite this possibility, Hermione couldnāt help but feel guilty about her lustful thoughts involving Sirius. She often tried to reason with herself that it was perfectly normal to feel such base emotions. Everyone had them and as long as she didnāt act on them, she was fine. She was just lonely, and Sirius was there.
Resolving to speak with Ron about her concerns when he returned in a week, Hermione shook the troubling thoughts from her head and continued down Diagon Alley, intending to just pop by the small corner store at the end for some milk and maybe some ice-cream for later. She needed a small pick-me-up after the day sheād had. Jogging the last few steps to the corner store, Hermione pulled open the heavy door and sighed happily as the cooling charms inside enveloped her. She wiped her forehead with her arm and headed to the back of the store where the freezer section was. The store was practically deserted aside from a single witch staring at the ice pops with a heavy look of concentration. Hermione walked up next to her to stare at the ice-cream choices and smiled when she spotted the Rocky Road. It was Ronās favorite.
āItās a scorcher out there, innit?ā commented the witch, her thick London accent coming through endearingly sweet. Hermione looked to her left and took in the girl. She was thin and tan with beautiful golden hair tied up into a long ponytail. She had a friendly, heart-shaped face and sparkly green eyes. Something about her seemed familiar ā Hermione must have seen her somewhere before.
āIām practically melting,ā agreed Hermione, shaking her head, and grabbing the Rocky Road, thinking she would have that tonight rather than her usual Mint Chocolate-Chip.
āAny fun plans for the heat?ā the pretty blonde asked casually, grabbing a box of grape ice pops and a carton of Rocky Road ice-cream as well.
āNot really. Probably just go home and cast as many cooling charms as possibleāā Hermione crinkled her nose and quirked the corner of her mouth in a wry grin āāYourself?ā
āMe and my boyfriend are planning a nice night in. Heās just got back from assignment with the Ministry. Heās an Auror, so weāre doing a bit of celebrating before he has to go back.ā The girl smiled, her voice heavy with adoration.
āHow nice! My boyfriendās an Auror as well.ā
āReally?ā the girl asked, eyes lighting up.
āYes, heās actually away on assignment right now. I wonder if they knowāā Hermione had been about to ask if perhaps their respective partners were familiar with each other when a voice called out from the end of the aisle.
āBabe, they didnāt have the crisps you like, butāā Basket hanging from one hand and a bag of Salt and Vinegar crisps in the other, Ron stopped dead in his tracts at the sight of Hermione. His eyes grew wide, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. āāMione?ā
Hermione stared back too, but unlike Ron she was unable to find her voice. Instead she just stared. Ron was back from assignment? Why hadnāt he told her? What was he doing there? Why was he calling this girl babe whenā
āWaitāāMione? As in Hermione Granger?ā the witch asked, taking a step back from Hermione and towards Ron. She looked at Hermione with wide, incredulous eyes. āOh my gosh, I feel so foolish. I canāt believe I didnāt recognize you.ā
Hermione looked on in confusion as she watched the witch hook her arm in Ronās and smile politely back at her.
āHermione,ā Ron said her name again, but Hermione was too busy taking the two of them in. She felt like an absolute fool. The carton of Rocky Road slipped from her fingers and landed on the linoleum floor of the shop with a dull thud. Then, in a panic, Hermione turned on the spot and fled, hearing Ronās call after her mix with a small āOh myā from the pretty blonde witch.
There were a million places Hermione could have gone. There were a million places Hermione should have gone. All of them much better choices than the seedy little muggle bar she found just outside of Diagon Alley. She should have gone home. Or to Harry. Or to Ginny. The smart choice was to tell someone what had happened and to talk it out. But instead, she spent the next four hours doing her best to get well and truly pissed. Drinking wasnāt like Hermione and certainly the first glass of whiskey had been hard to get down. But she found after the first two, she hardly tasted the biting liquid anymore and the dulling effect of the alcohol was just so nice.
It was just past ten in the evening when Hermione left the bar, tipping this way and that way in her heels and feeling exceptionally light-headed. The night had cooled down and the sun had just set, allowing Hermione to feel some semblance of relief as she walked down the street to a nearby alleyway. It probably wasnāt the best idea to apparate when she was so inebriated, but Hermione wasnāt really thinking in that moment. She just knew she didnāt want to walk. Thankfully, she managed to land, although very ungracefully, in front of Grimmauld Place without splinching herself.
āShit,ā Hermione whispered followed by a snort of laughter when she tripped over the threshold after finally getting her key in the keyhole. The world had gone all wobbly it had taken her ages to find the right key and get it in the lock. Closing the front door as quietly behind her as possible Hermione found herself overtaken by the strong urge to laugh again. Hermione Granger was well and truly sloshed and for some reason she found that to be very funny.
āHermione?ā
Hermione jumped at her name, letting out a little shriek as she turned around and found Sirius standing in the hall. The hall was dark, but light streamed out through the doorway to the kitchen illuminating him in long shadows where he stood, arms crossed.
āSiriusāā Hermione held a hand to her heart, feeling it beat wildly in her chest. āI didnāt think youād still be up.ā
āItās past eleven, where have you been?ā There was a strange tone to his voice, like he was angry with her but also like he was speaking to a small, frightened animal.
Past eleven? How long had it taken her to unlock the front door?
āI wasāā Hermione tripped on the rug, catching herself on the wall and letting out another little laugh āāI stopped and had a little post-work drink.ā Her words were slurred, even to her own ears and she laughed again, holding a hand over mouth in embarrassment. āWell, maybe one or two post-work drinks.ā
āAre you drunk, kitten?ā Sirius asked, sounding amused now.
Hermione continued down the hall, getting closer and closer to Sirius. Each step was a new struggle. A trip here, a wobble there. But Hermione didnāt care. In fact, she feltā¦good. Free almost. āMaaaaybe,ā she drawled, giggling like a small child as she closed the last bit of distance and swayed before Sirius.
He stared down at her, arms now uncrossed as he seemed to be trying to figure out whether he should be amused or concerned. Hermioneās mouth went dry. Now that she was closer, she could see him more clearly and Merlin did she see him. There was a shadow of facial hair across his square jaw, and down his neck. Hermione found herself wondering what it felt like ā whether it was soft or rough. Gaze traveling down the thickness of his neck she found his upperhalf bare, the only thing covering his torso, an open robe revealing the inky black of his tattoos. She loved his tattoos. They made him look dangerous. Mysterious. Hot. His chest was free of hair, the lean muscles dipping low and high like delicious hills and valleys sheād so like to explore. In factā¦she reached out a hand, her body working opposite of a clear head as her fingertips tentatively touched the smooth planes of Siriusā chest. He was warm.
He went sort of rigid under her touch, but Hermione barely noticed. Instead she was too entranced by the feel of him. Had she ever touched him before? She didnāt think she had. Her gazed traveled further south and with it, so did her fingertips. Ghosting down the center of his chest from sternum to bellybutton, she blushed furiously at the sight of thick dark hair starting at his navel and disappearing below a pair of pajama pants that sat dangerously low on his hips. She swallowed thickly, her breath coming in thick hot puffs as her hand traveled further, barely brushing the thick hair before a hand shot out and grasped her wrist.
Hermione gasped, looking up suddenly into the stormy eyes of Sirius Black before her. He lifted her wrist to shoulder height, pulling her forward slightly as he did it. The distance between them closed even more.
āKitten.ā It was a warning. Hermione knew it. But for some reason her whiskey-idled brain didnāt care. She liked the risk behind his tone. Her body practically purred at the sound of his special nickname just for her ā the irony of that sentiment lost on her in the moment.
āYes, Sirius?ā she responded, her voice coming out deep and breathy and dare she say seductive? Hermione had never sounded like that before. She kind of liked it. Looking up at him with her best attempt at innocent eyes, she waited for him to say something.
Sirius stared down at her, his face a stony mask, but a war was raging behind his eyes. Hermioneās gaze flickered from the stormy grey of his eyes to the fullness of his lips and back up. With a deep breath and a long swallow that made his Adamās apple bob in a mouth-watering way, Sirius finally spoke.
āYou should go to bed.ā
Hermione huffed, a bit like a petulant child but not quite as bratty. āWhat if I donāt want to?ā
āIt wasnāt really a suggestion.ā His tone was dark, and it sent a surprising thrill through Hermioneās body. Her center throbbed. Her breath hitched. Maybe it was all in her head ā this thick tension between them. Or maybe it wasnāt. It was certainly taboo, thisā¦energy radiating between them. But Hermione didnāt really care because in that moment she made the sudden realization that she could have this. She could have this and not be the bad guy. Ron was the bad guy. All those months of guilt for feeling basic human attraction and he was off shagging some beautiful, leggy blonde. But nowā¦she didnāt have to feel guilty anymore.
Before she could stop herself, Hermione lifted up onto her toes and closed the distance between them. Their lips pressed together for a moment, firm and warm. When Sirius failed to respond, Hermioneās stomach dropped, and she made the mortifying realization that he didnāt want to kiss her. She was just beginning to pull away, an apology poised on her lips when the grip on her wrist vanished and reappeared around her waist, pulling her in tightly as Siriusās lips claimed her own.
It all happened very quickly. A meshing of lips and teeth and tongue that left her hot, sticky, and out of breath. Before she knew it, she was being pushed up against the wall of the hallway, her back and head hitting the plaster hard, but she did not care. The only thing she could focus on was the feeling of Siriusās lips on her own and the hot cloud of their shared breath.
His hands remained wrapped tightly around her torso, gripping the material of her blouse in his fists, but Hermioneās hands were everywhere. She wanted to touch all of him, and she was determined to do so. It wasnāt until her hands wound themselves around his neck and threaded up into his hair, gripping the strands vice-like, that Sirius broke. He let out a ragged groan before moving his hands from around her waist to her front. Grabbing the material of her blouse in each hand, he gave a great tug, not even bothering to try and unbutton it. Hermione gasped at the sound of ripping fabric and the pop of her blouse buttons. Cool air brushing her sensitive skin and the hitch in his breath made Hermione acutely aware that she was now bare to him from the waist up. She remembered the bra sheād chosen to wear that day ā a thin and see-through number that cupped her breasts perfectly but left little to the imagination. He was kissing her neck then, sucking and biting in ways that left her breathless and needy. His hands covered her breasts, kneading and stroking in a gentle way that contrasted so strikingly with how he was attacking her neck.
The only thing Hermione could do in that moment was hold on for dear life. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest and when Siriusās mouth traveled south to envelope of her nipples, she thought that actually had. She let out a low, needy moan and arched into him. Feeling bold, she slid a hand from his hair, down the firm planes of his chest and to the front of his pajama bottoms. At the feel of his hard length she whined, high and breathy. Her hand had been there for barely a moment before Sirius tore away from her, distancing himself the width of the hallway. Hermione leaned against the wall behind her, needing the stability of it to stay upright due to her still drunk nature and the shaky state of her legs.
āWhat?ā she asked, looking at the panting man across from her with confusion.
Sirius stared at her for a moment, chest falling up and down as pieces of his thick dark hair hung in his face. Hermione tried to focus but the only thing she could think of was how much she wanted to brush that hair from his gorgeous features so she could see him more clearly.
āYouāre drunk. You should go to bed,ā said Sirius, his voice low and gravely and filled with an edge of regret.
āButāā Hermione hesitated, confused at his response āāI donāt understand.ā She crossed the distance between them, kissing up the older wizardās neck. Did he think she didnāt want this?
āKitten.ā Siriusās voice was strained, but he still managed to grab Hermioneās wandering hands and push her away again. Hermione gasped at his rough touch as he pulled her off of him. āI said you should go to bed.ā
Hermione stared up at him in shock for a moment before a surprising rage filled her. Was she not good enough for him? Was she not pretty enough? Did he not enjoy what theyād been doing? The hot sting of angry tears reached the inner corners of her eyes and she tore out of Siriusās grip before stomping up the stairs towards her room with a huff.
Part 2
#harry potter#fanfic#fanfiction#sirius black#hermione granger#sirius x hermione#sirius black x hermione granger#smut
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Muku + Azami headcanons
For lovely @skateboarding-poet!
Itās my first time writing a rareship but I had so much fun! These two are just so precious, I love them to pieces. Please enjoy! š
This ship is basically nonchalantic innocence meets bubbly dreamland and is gorgeous.
Azami might not get why Muku likes reading shojo so much, but while he can feel heās going to hell just from hearing all the indecent things his boyfriend has read... he wonāt judge too much overall.
Muku likes them and they are important to him, so now they are important to Azami too within certains limits of course
Others areĀ notĀ extended the same courtesy though, a.k.a Sakyo
Both of his personalities are pretty calm and chill so whenever they go on dates itās all about walking around Veludo to shop for make-up and books, visiting animal cafes or just staying at the dorm in each otherās rooms.
Muku adores listening to Azamiās voice. He also discovers Azami tends to hum whenever heās in a good mood so the summer troupe member will usually peak over the manga heās reading, his heart skipping a beat at the soft sounds.
I also feel like Azami is not really one to expect praises out of nowhere, so when Muku starts compliment him -as the ball of sunshine he is with no filter whatsoever-.
ā...Need something?ā
āOh,no! I was just thinking I really love your eyes Azami-kun, they areĀ Ā beautiful!ā
Azami can never anticipate those and becomes an absolute mess.
On a similar note I donāt think Azami is a looks person as much as he is a personality person, but he canāt deny just how pretty Muku is??Ā
Everyone in Mankai can see his eyes softening while unconciously staring at the pink-haired helping Izumi with the dishes or laughing at Misumiās antics and itās so blatantly clear how in love he is.
Kisses are too much for Azamiās heart at the beginning of their relationship though, maybe a peck on the cheeks in private but heās NOT a pervert okay??
The first time Muku ever reached out to held Azamiās hand, boy swore his heart stopped.
āWha-! A-at least wait until we are married dammit!ā
āR-right, Iām sorry! I just thought that- um, your hands always look so soft b-but of course my hands are sweaty and they-ā
Before he finishes, a pinkie intertwines with his. Muku has never seen the boyās ears in such a red colorĀ āAzami-kun?ā
āJust donāt look at me, okay?. God this is so...ā
After the initial shock, Muku squeezes back giggling.Ā
Later that night, both are still glancing at their own pinkies in their respective rooms and im soft about it.
Of course the whole yakuza family knows Muku by now wouldnāt expect less and you better believe that boy will be protected for life. The Sakisakaās also adore Azami who brings them the best skin products choosen with the utmost care.
Muku asking opinion to Azuma, Yuki and Sakoda gift ideas for Azami for being always so attentive but heās so lost.
CDs?? Make up? ah, but make up is expensive, and what if he already has them or worst what if he hates them or-
In the end he makes wool feltĀ dolls of them with Omiās help.Ā
āA-as I thought itās really childish, right? Iām sorry I should have just-!ā
āAre they for meā
āUh?ā
āThe dollsā Azami takes the one that looks like Muku and glances at the young boy.
āOh! um- yeah!ā
The dolls are now sitting next to each other in his desk and NO ONE is allowed to touch them.
Anyway, Muku going starry-eyed whenever he sees Azamiās skills in action.
Also, whenever Azami gets injured or he just genuinely feels tired from rehearsals, Muku takes his hand unconsciously and places a kiss on it and Azami becomes a blushing mess right away.
But in general Muku knows just how reserved Azami is in the romantic aspect and wonāt push him out of his comfort zone until heās comfortable.
Still, Azami will be more likely to show PDA if he senses Muku needs a comforting presence, tiny kisses in his forehead are a must.
All in all itās a quiet and slow love, but neither of them would change it for anything.
Extra!
Azami had never been good at showing his feelings, or at least thatās what he heard from others since he was young- deadpan face was it?- he didnāt remember much.
Reality though was quite the opposite. He always seemed to feel too much, respond too quick in waves of emotions. His determination and strong fuse if pressed wrongly often gave him troubles so he opted to lay low, or at least, that was before he entered Mankai.
And then- god, then there was Muku, who had amplified those feelings beyond what he thought it was possible.
Much to Azamiās own surprise due to their evident views on love and its approach, the pink-haired boy had become someone who was eager to learn everything about him, who accepted both the good and the bad. Someone who accepted his passion and pride.
āAzami-kun, you are amazing!ā
Of course he had fallen in love.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā .
It was a fuzzy feeling whenever lights were out for the day and Azami still got messages from the young summer member, even if they had said their goodbyes half an hour ago before heading to their respectives rooms. It was the Muku who started them most of the time, usually to rant on him about the last story he was reading in a failed attempt to warm Azami up towards that hell of a perverted genre, but he would lie if he said he hadnāt gotten used to them.
His phone vibrates, a light signaling a new message once again.
What do you think, wonāt you consider it? Itās one of the best Iāve read!
Azami rolls his eyes, but thereās a fond smile on his face. His thumb scrolls down softly over the five continuous paragraphs -new record, he also noticed- that consisted the review of Mukuās manga before texting back.
Already told you. Just find me one where thereās no kissing, holding hands or any of that perverted stuff you and that shitty old man enjoy and then Iāll read it.
He could practically visualize the pout forming on Mukuās face as he read his response.
But that kind of shojo manga isnāt romantic at all!
He chuckles. Being in a relationship before marriage was something he had swore wouldnāt happen to him. But his feelings for Muku were real, and he wouldnāt changed them for the world.
Checking the time, he saw it was getting late- they shouldnāt cut more hours for their skin to rest. He was about to write back to notify Muku of his plans to go to sleep when he saw an audio. Turquoise eyes frowned as he tilted his head confused. Muku had never sent him audios before, mainly because they saw each other every day.
He laid back, resting his head on the pillow and clicked on it, vaguely curious.
There it was, that characteristic bubbly voice Azami had learned to distinguish, quieted down probably to not bother Kazunari. Just what-?
āSweet dreams, Azami-kunā
He definitely jolted and quickly turned to Sakyoās side, containing his breath until he noticed the annoying snores from his bed. All compose had left him in those three seconds the audio lasted, and Azami swears his chest did a backflip on its own.Ā
āWhat the hell...?ā
Muku really wasnāt aware of the weigh of his own words.
He stares at the phone, his mind registering what had just happened. Then, as if in a trance, heās barely aware of his actions before his finger presses the audio again- just one more time.
āSweet dreams, Azami-kunā
One more time.
āSweet dreams, Azami-kunā
One more time.
āSweet dreams-ā
One more time.
He could feel the sound of his smile over the phone. The way he drew out his name, so full of affection. His tone was warm and light, and how was he supposed to sleep now, Azami didnāt know.
Groaning, the autumn member covers his face with the back of his hand. Shit, heās so embarrassed he can feel the heat growing on his cheeks and ears.
He rolls on the bed, taking a quick glance at the few photos of Mankai Omi gave him once to decorate the empty wall. A special warmth showers Azami when he makes contact with those purple eyes, always gentle. They looked back at him with a softness he had rarely encountered before and a smile that made his heart once again leap on his chest.
Oh, he was so done.
āHeās gonna kill meā¦heās gonna fuckinā kill meā¦ā
And yet, he played it once again.
__________________________________________________________
Wishing everyone a wonderful day!Ā š
#a3 act addict actors#a3#a3 act#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3! azami#a3! muku#muku sakisaka#azami izumida#mukuaza
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how do you balance creating fan works with juggling your responsibilities? I've been struggling with finding the time/motivation to write what I want.
First, my creativity output tends to come and go in waves. Some weeks Iām writing 1-3k a day, some weeks I donāt even open documents at all. Some weeks are in-between, where I open stuff and poke around and do a few hundred words here and there, but not much more. TheĀ āoffā times Iām usually reading, playing games, watching movies or shows, talking to friends, and thinking about stories or scenes. Sometimes, this isnāt even anything Iāll ever write! Sometimes, I donāt think about stories Iām writing at all. Itās more whatever pops into my head and less structured.Ā Part of me wants to be Disciplined and write every day, but the reality is that unless itās a very tiny limit like 100-200 words, this really isnāt doable for me. I have kids I homeschool, I have a house and a husband and a dog and there are times in life when I need to deep clean a bunch of rooms, or plan out school stuff, or go on hikes, andĀ I still have to have time to recharge. Writing sometimes isĀ that recharging, but I canāt afford to force it when it isnāt.Ā
Because the reality is that to find that time, you have to give up something. There isnāt a version of the equation whereĀ āfinding timeā involves creating more time than you already have. The things I can afford to cut out to work on writing are the things I do in my own entertainment time-- I write instead ofĀ doing those things at all, or as much. So, I tend to write when itās the thing I want to do, and enjoy doing, because otherwise it would be an emotional and mental drain I couldnāt afford. When Iām writing a lot in a day, it means Iām not really reading fic or novels, Iām not watching much TV, I spend way less time chatting online, I donāt really scroll tumblr as much, Iām not playing video games. The things I usually do in the bit of time in the afternoons or evenings when I have a chance to just do something I want to do, thatāsĀ what I give up to make room. (Sometimes, I give up sleep, but I donāt recommend doing this often. I canāt say I fully regret the times when Iām on a roll and stay up super late, but this really isnāt healthy or sustainable long-term because Iām not in a position to sleep in late-- if you can afford to sleep in late, that might be different.) Two caveats: This is a fact, but not always a conscious decision. Sometimes, I might actually think,Ā āOkay, so Iām not going to have time to watch this tonight after all,ā but thatās pretty rare. Usually, if Iām giving up stuff to write, itās just the natural consequence of really wanting to write and enjoying it and focusing on it. The same as if Iād gotten sucked into a really good book and spent the evening/night reading-- Iām not consciously decidingĀ āI will give up other entertainment options for this today,ā as much as Iām just doing the thing I want to do. The second caveat is that I have ADHD! Wanting to write and getting startedĀ can be two different things because of my difficulty switching tasks or starting a task. The rule that tends to help me the most are on the days I wantĀ to write, or thinkĀ I want to write, and have stuff Iāve been thinking about writing, but keep not getting started, I give myself ten minutes alone with an open document. A timer, ten minutes, the document, and nothing else. No app switching, no scrolling, no background chores. Those ten minutes of boredom donāt always kickstart writing, but they give me the chance to determine if writing is the thing I actually want to do that day. I get going and Iām on a roll and I ignore the timer when it goes off, or I poke around, maybe write a few words, and the timer beeps and Iām free to go do something else because itās not a good writing day.Ā
Iām not always the best at balancing, to be honest. Sometimes, I give up sleep, or put off minor chores. Sometimes, I forget to eat. I do not recommend these, but I think itās okay if youāre WORKING at balancing and sometimes realize youāve made an error, as long as you scramble to catch up and give yourself some space to learn. Because my responsibilities are centered around tiny humans, I have a framework of school and meal times I canāt ignore; if your responsibilities are moreĀ āquietā and easier to overlook (like homework, or self-care, or work from home) you might need to just teach yourself to not even open documents until youāve done certain tasks. Jot down notes if youāre afraid youāll lose something! But donāt buy into the myth that aĀ āreal writerā is completely controlled by impulse and whim. Will there be rare days when you ignore everything else to write for four hours? Maybe! But that shouldnāt be the goal, or the norm, because unless you have a household staff and responsibilities that cater to your whims, itās really not realistic or healthy.Ā
The big things are to figure out how to be hard on yourself and how to be gentle with yourself. If youāre too tired, really want to watch a show, overwhelmed by work, just need to talk to a friend or chat server for an hour, itās okay to just do those things and not feel guilty. Unless you are writing fulltime as your job, it isĀ a hobby and you donātĀ āhaveā to achieve a certain level of productivity to be valid as a writer. The times to be hard on yourself are when you knowĀ you want to write, and are enjoying the actual process, but your brain isnāt trained to focus on it for stretches of time-- when youāre writing and think of something to tell a friend, wander about a random fact, want to check tumblr when you pause to think about a sentence, thatāsĀ when you sternly tell yourselfĀ āno, give it thirty seconds before you jump away from this taskā and see if you end up getting unstuck with that little breath of boredom space. If youāre really disengaging, thatās okay, but your brain might just need to build the muscle of staying focused on the structure of creative output. Itās a muscle! You might WANT to do fifty pushups, but if you havenāt made your body stick out five for a while, and then ten, and built up, itās probably not going to cooperate and youāll feel miserable and broken and useless if you just try to get to fifty the first time. But...building to fifty requires not getting distracted and wandering away when youāve only done 2 of 5 the week youāre working on sets of five.Ā My only other recommendation if you havenāt done a lot of writing before is to not fall into the editing trap. Unless you just REALLY LOVE EDITING and it engages and charges you to write more, donāt get stuck in the loop of opening a document or a notebook to write and spending all your time editing the few paragraphs you already have. A lot of the first draft stuff will probably suck. Thatās okay. Just finish the thing. You know the cake analogy in fandom?Ā āWrite that hurt/comfort, itās just more cake!ā? Getting stuck editing the first bit of a story over and over until itās polished is sort of like looking at a bowl of three ingredients of a cake recipe and goingĀ āThis doesnāt look much like cake, maybe if I add more flour...ā until you have a bowl full of something that really isnāt cake and isnāt anything closer to cake, no matter how pretty youāve made those three ingredients look in the bowl. Maybe itās a very lovely color and has pretty sprinkles on it! Still not a cake. Youāve wasted your limited time, and worn yourself out, and you knowĀ you still donāt really have anything closer to a cake to pull out of the oven and show off. The time to edit is when the cake is done and cooling, and youāre making icing and picking out trimmings and cutting up fruit and shaving chocolate or whatever.Ā And then the next cake will probably be better because you practiced doing the whole thingĀ and have a better idea of what to do and not do the next time. Then, opening a document or grabbing a pen and notebook can be a new, engaging chanceĀ to create instead ofĀ āoh itās this same stale bowl of aesthetic half-batter.ā (Again, if you find editing as you go super recharging, ignore this-- some people are just very good at tweaking batter as they go without stalling completely-- just give yourself the time to figure that out.)Ā I hope this helps! Feel free to send follow-up questions or clarifications if I misunderstood something or you want a differently structured answer or just MORE INFORMATIONS.
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