#probably not thats like an osha violation

[wafflestheasianyenbear]

MAJOR POKEMON SV SPOILERS

DO NOT WATCH IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE GAME

I wrote this, but it STILL makes me laugh every single time

Arven is actually wonderful and I can't believe this is how his story ends (seriously huge props to the Pokemon company for actually doing it)

[nok-joke]

I think people should consider Viktor with more Zaun kid habits,

viktor sitting on tables and stuff. sometimes you see him sitting on railing or that he's?? Somehow gotten somewhere weird you're not supposed to be? And jayce is just like "WTF THATS DANGEROUS HOW DID YOU GET THERE?" and viktors just like "it's only dangerous if you're stupid"

Jayce is telling childhood stories about getting into trouble and Viktor is nodding along like "i never was able to climb as well as the other kids, but I have spent my fair share of time crawling through pipes and vents" and jayce just "you what"

One day jayce forgets his keys to the lab and so does viktor but viktor is just like "don't worry I got this" and either lock picks the door, or disappears for a while and reappears inside of the lab. Whether through the vents or like a window or smth.

Jayce looking at some food like "im.. not sure if this is still good, we should throw it out just in case" and viktor just. Takes a bite, shrugs, and goes "no, no, still fine", or viktor just having weird food habits and jayce just. Stands there debating bringing Viktor a real lunch.

Sometimes jayce finds viktor working sitting under the desk and he has come to accept that sometimes viktor can just think easier down there. Gets him a pillow or smth to sit on. Debates testing if enclosed spaces feel more comfortable by seeing if Viktor would sit in a cardboard box (he would)

Jayce is like "oh we are using some chemicals for this, probably need masks so we don't inhale any" and viktors just like "this is pussy shit. Watch this" and commits 18 osha violations.

heimerdinger has regularly longed for the ability to be able to scruff Viktor like a cat bc of the random things he gets up to.

Viktor having a bad habit of nicking small things he thinks no one will notice being gone because that's just how he grew up. It's just part of the life style really.

Viktor being a lot more blunt and open about taboo topics and occasionally rolling his eyes at Piltover customs or how they do things. Once he's truly comfortable around Jayce he will jokingly tease and complain about the differences. Poking fun at how easy it is to embarrass Piltover folk with taboo topics or smth like that

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Bruce Wayne is used to ransom calls. They happen often enough despite his children's training, though it doesn't help that they sometimes purposely get themselves captured to later mock the kidnappers but he digressed.

This call was different. "We have Tim Drakes children" what did that even mean? Did they kidnap some random infants with black wisps of hair and blue eyes and just hope that Tim miiight have had a night of indiscretion in the last year or so to be concerned about?

Spoiler was the first on scene, actively teasing Red Robin about the whole fiasco. He swears they couldn't possibly be his and this had to be a scam of some kind. They had been assessing the situation from the rafters of the warehouse when another guy who looked like prime Batman Adoption Bait stormed the place and beat the crap out of the guys before zooming over to the infants.

The pair nodded at eachother and leaped down from the rafters and landed behind the man. He whirled around, holding the kids protectively to his chest, careful to support thier heads.

They asked him to confirm if he's the father which he did so readily. Red Robin got a wierd feeling though and asked to get a swab for testing, just to be sure.

The guy refused. That wasn't overly suspicious but the defensive way he acted was. Were these not his children? The bats chose to try a different tactic and asked him to wait for the police to arrive so they could confirm he was the twins father.

He ran.

Danny was having one of the worst days of his afterlife, and trust him, he's had some rough days. Being chased through Gotham at night by its local terrifying vigilantes while trying not to drop or harm the babies was hard, especially since he was trying to hide his powers. But really, what was he supposed to do?

He can't exactly just say "a ghost with genie powers overheard my mom wish for grandbabies from me and granted that wish but screwed us by making the other half of the babies DNA that of some random rich guy from another reality?" Cause thats going to go over soooo well.

Why do they care so much anyway? He doubts they're going to make the guy pay child support, not that Danny needs it. Then again its probably better to stay in this world where no one knows who he is and his children are safer...from his parents OSHA violations if nothing else.

Vlad couldn't enter this universe cause he couldn't get past the "source wall" whatever that was, but Danny and his babies had no problems so meh.

The bats had him cornered and hiding invisibly inside an abandoned arcade (why were so many places in this city abandoned???) the bats kept combing through the place looking for him. He knew they were about ready to give up looking for him when one of the babies sneezed.

The next thing he knew the littlest bat, Robin was right next to him, "Found you." Then he was knocked out.

[dannyphantom-justiceleauge]

The Fenton's powering the town via a portal to all times and dimensions is underused for eldritch town purposes. What if Sam's parents got replaced by a relative from the 60s and no one remembered? What about traits changing and no one commenting? People moving away only to have never considered moving a week later? And maybe only Danny and other ghosts notice.

This itches part of my brain in a good way. It also makes me think of nightvale and gravity falls as similar eldritch areas/hubs for the weird.

I've seen plenty if scenarios where amity is weird because of ambient ectoplasm leaking from the portal. Connecting ectoplasm to the power grid is just gonna speed that leak up. Pair this with amity canonically surviving both an apocalypse (via dan) and a trip to the zone (via pariah dark) due to the advanced ghost sheild it has. And mix in the headcannon the the giw pulled a massive coverup and basically wiped amity off the map and prevents people from contacting the outside world with tech. Maybe run with the amity is hard to find or leave due to dimension/ghost/magic. And we have a lovely little horror town.

Amity park, a place that is entirely paranormal, out of time, and technologically independent. A place that can survive virtually anything with its sheilds. A place where ghosts attack so regularly that the school has drills on how to react. A place that's been attacked by multiple gods in a short period of time. A place where the weatherman reports ghost attacks and if a specific person is going to be driving that day. (Asside the amount of visable crimes we see jack do, not just in driving but osha violations, assult, and property damage is making me wonder if he has some sort of diplomatic immunity. Why is he not in jail?)

The point is amity is absolutely a place where if you're driving late at night and your car breaks down, you find that you're not in kansas anymore. They have immaculately created an environment that sets of 'somethings not right here' vibes. And thats without looking at the physical effects of having an interdementional portal running the city's energy grid, the actual ghost attacks and the weird shit from that. I like to imagine that after undergrowths attack there are still parts of the city that haven't been reclaimed from plant hell. Gravity probably doesn't work right consistently. There's just pools of ectoplasm around from fights and there's a chance that if you poke those pools with a stick, the pool will come alive. There is a cooked turkey living in the alleys and gathering an army of living hot dogs. The teenagers all have been trained to fight and use weapons. There's a military presence trying to hush things up and attacking civilians.

Amity has so fully embraced being weird! i need more stories of normal people, or outside heroes, recognizing that this place is messed up and basically feeling like they're in a horror movie. Meanwhile everyone in amity is perfectly polite and adjusted to the weird. Crime is at an all time low, reparing property damage has been reduced down to a science, and a little common sense can get you out of most situations. All else fails just wait for Phantom.

Anything can be normal if you live in it long enough. But that doesn't mean the unprepared aren't right to be afraid

- hestia

[boopshoops]

Hihi! Some asks for Yuu Shi!

What is YOUR favourite character's impression of your OC when they first meet?

Is your OC homesick? What are they willing to do to get back? How 'on' Crowley's ass are they? If not, why don't they want to go home? Do they have an issue with Crowley anyways? Have they considered/do they care about what happens to Grim if they were to leave?

OOH FUN!! TYSM TIX EHEHEHE 💕💕🥺

What is YOUR favorite character's impression of your OC when they first meet?

HMMM ok i went into Malleus and Shi's dynamic notes a lil in the past- i do have more planned for them but hey, yall know me, i gotta keep some things to myself so I can make a reveal at some point- sOo im gonna do my second favorite, Azul! :D

Soo the answer?

...Meh?

Their very first interaction was a brief one. Only a quick glimpse over to be aware enough that the other exists- that, and that the dark mirror claimed she was corrupted.

Azul found the mirrors claim to be curious, true, but not enough to cause any alarm yet. A good chance to score some points with Crowley if she has to be thrown out.

So when Crowley decides to keep her around- it's more of a "watch and wait" situation. The interactions they have after this lead Azul to the conclusion that she is simply average given how she behaves at the start. Just another student. When in reality- they're both just being polite to one another up front to save face or open up possibilities for deals in the future. As for when he realizes her facade is, well, a facade- i'll leave that open for now :D

Is your OC homesick?

She misses home in her own way, true, but she desired very heavily to leave that home even before the transportation to NRC ever happened.

She likes the familiarity. The lack of danger. The feeling of safety not having to constantly be questioned in the face of the unknown.

She hated it. But she knew it. The unknown is far scarier for her.

What are they willing to do to get back?

She doesn't know- at least not yet. Her main focus is getting out of that "unknown" limbo. Once she knows fully what she is going through and the circumstances around it, then she can focus on means of leaving NRC. It depends on how desperate she begins to feel once she's more informed.

How 'on' Crowley's ass are they?

In regard to home, getting familiar with her surroundings, surviving, being treated well- VERY.

She's so pissed at him. She hates the way he seems to use her for chores then throw her to the wayside in a half-decayed shack.

She daydreams about suing him and ruining him financially 💕

Thats an osha violation, and thats an osha violation- SURELY theres tax evasion in there somewhere, osha violation- wym it doesnt matter that she would also probably commit those crimes if she had the chance, its the part about the shit being at HER expense thats the problem JFNDJDJD hypocrite shi

Have they considered/do they care about what happens to Grim if they were to leave?

She does care, though it isnt something that's on her mind a lot. She's fully convinced that he'd value his stay at NRC more than he'd value his time with her, mainly because they're not that close yet even with her soft spot for anima- i mean monsters, yes- monsters.

THANK UUU FOR THE QUESTIONS HEHEHE >:))

[skatingbi]

Aight so i dub this au the Modern Resturaunt AU bc im uncreative with titles (I refuse to give any of my fanfiction titles)

Now Ima start off with a list...of word vomit. Idk what im doing. Its 2 am and Im still grieving over the bio exam i failed today.

Let me begin by saying my experience is nearly 3 years of working in a resturaunt (yeah...the same one...) and being trained in nearly every position they offer except manager bc Fuck That lmao

Luffy is either a server (not mornings tho he's way too hyper in the morning for that) or a dishwasher or trained in both. Nobody trusts this kid in any other back of house position. He would definitely break several health codes in the span of an hour. He is a menace.

Nami is a server. She is definitely one that'll smile at u and then talk shit abt u in the back with the other servers. If she hears a coworker talking shit abt her she'll either ignore it or throw hands. She may or may not steal ur tips. Regardless she's still good at her job and her sales are fantastic after every shift. Her and usopp will gossip during break.

Zoro is definitely a line cook. Hes the kind where if u put too many mods on food he'll be like "what the FUCK guys". If u ask him for something he will forget. If he goes in the cooler to restock something he will not be able to find it and will spend 10 minutes in the cooler looking for that thing. Do NOT let him operate the fryers.

Sanji gives off shift supervisor vibes. He will happily deal with any customers who fuck with his coworkers and will gladly kick them out. He still cooks most of the time tho and him and zoro are the kinda cooks to either have some kind of wack ass situationship or literally hate each other. Or both. Actually both.

If sanji is serving he will flirt with the ladies and it definitely gets him in trouble and zeff (the owner of said resturaunt) bans him from serving for weeks at a time lmao

Usopp would be a great server <3 but bc my dude is full of anxiety he would be a great prep cook too. He is definitely the dude who listens to music while working. Nobody minds and it makes the shift more fun! He's the cook who only works mornings. He would probably also bring doughnuts for the crew that works mornings :)

Chopper is that one kid whos barely 18 and its his first job. He would be the host and the kids love him. He's that host who accidentally talks to tables too long even after seating them until the server comes to greet them. He's unproblematic and is just happy to be there.

Robin is like kind of cross trained in everything?? Idk she doesnt mind being scheduled wherever but i can see her as a really chill bartender. Definitely the kind to entertain customer's conversations without being enthusiastic but it still works??? Her sales are probably great too. Shes the coworker that nobody would see for like weeks and then suddenly reappear one morning and everyones like "wtf i thought u quit" but nah she's chilling. Shes definitely been there since the place opened.

Franky is banished to line cook purgatory. Not because he's terrible or mean but hes just so energenic like luffy that him being a server would probably overwhelm most customers lmao. He's the cook that's always laughing and yelling out motivational words during rush hour.

Jimbei is a manager. Thats all i got ngl. Bro is just there to make sure nobody dies or violates osha guidelines. Everyone loves him tho and if they realize he's managing the mood innthe resturaunt lifts astronomically.

Brook is NOT allowed to be a server. Zeff banned him from that position within the first week. He would probably shift supervise in the mornings tho. Him and jimbei would definitely be friends outside of work lol

[soft-potatoe]

Okay unpopular opinion and spoiler alert, but i really didn't like the new Wednesday series. The aesthetic was very pretty and well constructed i give it that. But the plot was basically a fishing net, the dialogues were really bad and the characterizations weren't believeable at all.

The show in general feels like it was filmed for the plot, the dialogues feel so forced and unnatural, but that would be okay i guess if the plot was at least well written. I really liked uncle fester and i think he was maybe one of the most memorable characters out of this whole thing but he obviously just showed up randomly for one episode just to give the fans uncle fester.

Same with the school director hating Morticia ( first of all chlichee and boring af and if she really hated her she could have just not accepted her kid into her school) they only wrote that in to stirr the plot pot a bit and raise suspicion around her to tension it up a bit.

Also it was filled with so many overused tropes, the mean girl that the pick me girl character hates just because girls always hate each other, the love triangle between an average white artsy guy, an average white barrista guy (they literally said coffee shop au) and a girl that showed no romantic interest in either of them. (Worst of all: none of the actors had any chemistry whatsoever with each other.)

The funniest thing was probably the whole wednesday getting her own special black school uniform just because she is the main character bit, they took that trope and shamelessly used it and i kind of admire that actually. Also shows how they just didn't give a shit about realistic worldbuilding.

(I mean cmon they could have given wednesday a normal uniform and let her dye it black herself or something like that would have made it so much more realistic than the school director just going "yeah well we resepct your commitment to your aesthetic and bc you are the mc we will let you be the only one at school to wear a different uniform eventhough that defeats the entire purpose of having a school uniform").

(Like seriously nobody complained about her having a diffefent uniform? I would have been at the directors ass if the new girl just got to wear a black uniform bc she felt like it, while i was stuck in an ugly blue one) .

Also this whole werewolf conversion therapy camp thing really made me a bit mad, bc this is something queer teens in real life suffer under and they just used it in a way that gave off major "remus lupin being a werewolf is a hiv metaphor" vibes idk.

Yeah so that was my little rant about wednesday. I think it's about as badly written and made as first kill and I also think it sucks that there are barely good written shows out there that are targeted towards (queer) teenage girls. As a former teenage girl myself I can confidently say that they deserve way better than this.

->another thing that really irked me wrong was that medusa guy getting turned into stone bc he saw himself in the mirror like tf. because MEDUSAS CURSE GETS BROKEN IF YOU LOOK AT HER ONLY THROUGH A MIRROR LIKE THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF HER STORY, legit this made me so mad lol, also i have so many more questions like how long did he stay as a stone, how did he manage to like wake up (i mean he was in direct sight line of the mirror everytime he turned human again he must've seen himself again and turned back into stone) and also why does a school that has many students like him not have like sturdy mirror covers in every bathroom to prevent this type of situation, this feels like an osha-violation

[theelf-online]

I posted 8,105 times in 2022

That's 5,307 more posts than 2021!

13 posts created (0%)

8,092 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-not-witch-time-forgot

@catgirldick

@malewifeandgirlboss

@ranboocore

@myaphelion

I tagged 882 of my posts in 2022

#blockmen - 462 posts

#osha violation - 93 posts

#homestuck (/neg) - 11 posts

#actually blockwomen - 10 posts

#me - 8 posts

#original post - 7 posts

#ok to reblog - 5 posts

#minecraft - 5 posts

#minecraft texture pack - 4 posts

#for -c - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#also its proven sex education helps prevent csa because it gives people the knowledge to recognize it and i think thats extremely important

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

0 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

#4

Hi! I’m @cosmic0artist and you wrote sweet tags on my miraculous ladybug redesign of Adrien that made me very happy so thank you haha! I never post here anymore but your lil comment means a lot :3

Aww this is so sweet! Absolutely made my day, thank you.

1 note - Posted July 20, 2022

#3

Shitty Rice Pudding

I want to have a place to send people when they ask about how I make the shitty rice pudding. Literally the only reason, I am not a chef clearly. It tastes like horchata so that's a bonus too. If you leave out the cornstarch it's still very good but it's basically rice in hot milk so... cereal?

Old Rice from the fridge (a bowlful, the measurements are very unspecific), Milk, usually enough to cover most of the rice but not completely, if you have it Heavy Whipping Cream, some Honey depending on how sweet you want it, Vanilla Extract, a bit of Cinnamon, and a very small spoonful of Cornstarch.

Add the rice and honey and if there's cream the cream to it, if not, just a bit of the milk and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds to melt the honey if it's solid and also warm the rice up to de-clump it.

After that just declump, the back of a spoon works great. Mix it together, add cinnamon, vanilla extract, and the rest of the milk, toss it back in the microwave for like a minute (both the times might depend on your microwave, make sure you watch it so the milk doesn't like, bubble over and make a mess)

Add cornstarch, mix very well, you don't want clumps lol, then put it back in for 30 seconds (again, watch to make sure it doesn't bubble over)

After you take it out mix again and let it cool to an edible temperature, it'll probably be too hot when it first comes out, it'll solidify a bit as it cools.

Enjoy.

7 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

#2

Ya boi finally got a cane! Finally got around to going to the medical supply store and it was way easier than I was expecting. My anxiety was definitely making it seem worse than it was, it was literally just in and out. Other than being new to using it and uncoordinated, it made a huge difference on the way back home.

[Image ID in Alt Text]

10 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Tired of the antisemitic caricatures in Minecraft?

It's well known the villagers, illagers, and witches in Minecraft are stuck with an incredibly antisemitic design that despite hope, will probably never be changed. I've looked for a resource pack that only changed those elements (keeping the base game look), and was non-optifine friendly, but found none, so I made my own.

So I introduce Antisemitism Begone!

(Version 1.19 but should work for all versions that include the redesigned villagers) It's far from a perfect solution, but it satisfies my main personal annoyances (I am Jewish myself), and I'm certainly open to any improvements that can be made.

Unfortunately, there's many things I wish I could change but am unsure how (such as re-naming the golems to constructs, or changing how the Ominous Banner looks), but my knowledge only goes so far, and I'm pretty clueless when it comes to these things. So for now it's only visual elements that are changed. If I figure out how to do these things in the future I will certainly update it.

(Edit as of 10/9/22) I have figured out how to change the name from Golems to Constructs. Currently supported languages are English (US/UK), Spanish (Spain/Mexico) and German.

Below the Read More are Images of changes (ID in alt text) and a list of changes made.

See the full post

4,402 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cookie-run-university-au]

dyou have any uniforms ideas? i’d love to draw some of the cookies in your au :]]

AURGRHS I ONLY HAVE IT FOR THE DARK CACAO INSTITUTION

I have been caught up with writing down osha violations that I forgot about the uniforms not being done (for legal reasons this is a joke)

Dark Cacao Institution has the most strict dress code out of all of them which is why thats the one I got to first.

This is the very rough draft of the DC uniforms so this will likely be messy but I am too excited to talk about it sk here we go-

There is a general/every day uniform and a combat/training uniform

The general uniform has multiple options to it that the students can mess with a little bit for their comfort but it consists of

a black blouse that has three buttons on the left of the collar to make dressing up less of a hastle. It has the school logo (Cacao's soul jam with DC written in it) sewn onto the left of the chest area.

a black cardigan with purple threading

An arm band that clips onto both the blouse and the cardigan that indocates the year the student is in. (First years have a blank black one, second years have a light purple one, third years have a pinkish purple one and the fourth years have a dark red one)

Everyone has pants due to the cold weather. It's the closest to like those suit pants if it makes sense? Like it's not skin tight but not baggy either, it has a clean, put together look of it.

Everyone can bring their own indoor shoes tho. There are black combat boots they get but when they enter the school they have to switch it in their lockers to not track in the snow and such.

The combat uniform will be a bit harder to describe but bear with me-

The top is a double breasted coat, kinda like a chef's uniform but in black once again. The buttons are dark purple to match the sewing. The school logo is on the sleeve.

The pants are thicker but still have a baggy look to them, nothing special tho.

Boots are mandatory for training though

Everyone has a belt with the sewing being the color of their year (black/purple/pinkpurple/red) which they use to carry their weapons or whatever additional stuff they need to bring with them

Now I have not drawn anything in SO long but I feel horrible for giving such a hazy explanation so I tried to give a visual ^^" it is sure something but I hope it helps?? (The DC is supposed to have a white outline but i just could not make it work for the life of me)

The colors are a little distorted for some reason?? I color dropped the very first purple from Dark Cacao's official art :') oh well

Y'all can see why I am writing instead of drawing now can't you /lhj

I have some concepts for the Magical University and the Hollyberry Academy but only pieces sadly. I will probably put them in the school info post once its out :')

[takemywhiteasstosixflags]

me and ellis decided to diagnose everyone in our group called OSHA Violations on the fandom misinterpretation thing and i think its funny and telling of many things so lets hit it .  me (ted): either made out to be an uwu/baby autistic/aspec/arospec or made out to be a one dimensional dickhead because a lot of my humor comes from (jokingly) poking fun of my friends. difference between me doing it and others doing it is that im very blunt outside of jokes ellis: underrated as hell because lesbian, probably somewhat of a fan favorite anyhow because Funny. there would also be like 3000 gross ships that make no sense (esp considering he’s a lesbian) grz: immediately forgotten about despite being a fun character, or made out to be the “smartest of the group” (hint: none of us are the smartest of the group) luke: fairly neutral, people pretty much only put him there for shipping with des despite being having a lot of personality without... shipping. jude: basically everyone’s projecting character. EVERYONE kins this mf and makes him out to be way more emotionally closed off and “””cool””” than he actually is. probably the character everyone is attracted to for no reason. almost forgot, people probably just completely ignore hes asexual and are always fucking gross about it des: made out to be way more of an asshole than he actually is, definitely the “problematic fav” despite the fact he never does anything objectively wrong and only has other people’s best interest in mind OR a weirdly creepy ship thing with luke flick: ALSO has the uwu/baby autistic deal but 🍰’s also an underrated fave. people would never believe that 🍰’d ever say a slur but 🍰 calls me a fag every day of my life so i think you and i both know thats wrong ace: instead of the uwu/baby autistic, theres the absolute fucking moron ADHD deal (which literally anybody with a brain will know this isnt true) and probably the source of a lot of shipping discourse because he’s an attractive white boy despite canonically being poly and dating jude and flick 

[lydah]

hey everyone, I am approaching my tenth year of retail service because i am old, and i have noticed that a lot of my friends and followers are applying for their first jobs (i am so sorry) so i just wanted to share some Retail Survival Knowledge and advice for everyone who is joining the retail side of work (i am so sorry)

This is all just things I had to learn myself, that I wish somebody had told me 10 years ago. 

1. Everything you read about interviews doesn’t apply to retail. The first 8 months of trying to get a job were held back by me trying to call back or walk in to ask about the job, giving bullshit answers to questions like “what is your greatest weakness” (EVEN THOUGH being a perfectionist IS my greatest weakness, i was able to repaint it to sound like it by saying “i am such a nervous wreck I can get very upset about trivial things and that’s something I’m working on etc explain explain explain” to make it sound real.) 

2. Just bring a resume, even if its shitty. Put anything on there you can, Just 4 months ago I applied for 3 jobs and every single one said the same thing, “you have a resume, you’re already 2 steps ahead of everyone else who’s come in here.” 

3. Retail interviewers are looking for warm bodies, not professionals. Most of my coworkers aren’t seasoned retail workers, but just teenagers looking for their first job. Go there, be a human, chatter, have fun, they’re just a human too, often a human who isn’t making much more than you will be. 

I know it’s hard, especially if you’re a fellow anxious wreck, but think about it this way. When you walk into that interview, look at it like “i am here to provide you with a service, what can you do for me?” rather than “i need money please please hire me.” This helps a ton with confidence levels, and I think saying things the right way means more than what you say. 

The past 3 jobs I applied for, I got job offers on, not because I was treating the interviewer like a saint who may give me a sweet, sweet paycheck that can’t pay my bills, but because I talked to them from one human being to another. Being real in the interview is refreshing. The more I talked to them as an equal peer, the better the interviews were received. 

Remember, you ARE providing them with a service. Nobody wants these jobs, they don’t pay well, the retail customer culture has become a literal hellscape with weekly horror stories, and most jobs are understaffed. It’s easy to get a job in retail, because retail NEEDS people. Every hiring manager I’ve talked to has said it, whenever I’ve brought up the problem with understaffing and hours. “Trust me, we are looking, we are campaigning, we stand at the front of the store giving out flyers to find hirees. The problem is nobody wants to work here.” 

4. All Retail jobs are the same. From Walmart to Target, from Winco to Kroger, from Petsmart to Best Buy, they all offer basically the same nearly pointless benefits, they all offer basically the same pay, and regardless of anything, they all offer basically the same work experience. Just apply to whatever is close by. 

Winco gets so much positive press for being progressive and paying well, but you won’t see those benefits til you’ve been there for a decade, and who wants to stick around for 10 years, especially after the company got bought by Albertsons. Walmart gets a lot of shit for being a bad company when they’re literally doing the same thing everyone else does, but they’re more blatant about it. I worked at one Walmart when I started transitioning and it was possibly my favorite job, while Winco was probably one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had in my life, full of OSHA violations and daily cuts and bruises. It’s the workers that make the job, not the company. Remember that. 

5. I cannot, stress this one enough, Loyalty doesn’t get you anywhere. If you don’t like your job, look for a new one. The raises you’ll get every 6 months to a year will not give you any difference in your paychecks. Oftentimes, the raises are so low you’ll end up eventually getting paid less than people who are just getting hired on, because the companies minimum wage climbs faster than the 6-10 cent raises you’ll get on a yearly basis. I gave walmart 4 years of my time with impeccable full time work, and by the end I was getting paid 80 cents less than a kid who was just hired and had no work experience. Experience doesn’t matter, seniority doesn’t matter, you’re a number to them, they don’t care. 

6. Be friendly with your managers, but don’t forget that managers are not your friends. Anything you say to them can and will be used against you. As a Chronic Oversharer, this is probably one of the hardest things for me. Give them as little information as possible, don’t add them on social networking until after you’ve quit, be careful what you say. Their job is to manipulate. They get friendly so you stick around, so you share information you shouldn’t, and so you keep working hard for them even if they don’t pay you for your work.

7. Ask Questions. Ask So Many Questions. This was something it took me a while to get used to. I was scared of annoying my peers, so instead of doing things right, I took guesses to stay out of everyone’s hair. This isn’t good for you, it’ll make your coworkers hate you because when you make mistakes, we have to fix them. As the Local Retail Know-It-All, I will always love a coworker who doesn’t guess infinitely more than one who tries to keep a low profile by acting like they know what they’re doing. If you ever have a question, Ask It. Ask your coworker, ask your manager, ask the resources on the computer if the company has them posted online, if you’re not sure about something, ask until you’re sure. I’ve never had somebody get annoyed by it. 

Asking shows you care, even if you don’t. It provides you with knowledge that will help you with this company, or help you with future companies. Every job I’ve had has had nearly the same premise with slightly different layouts and interfaces. I’ve gotten to the point where any retail store I walk into, I know how to do everything. Getting that knowledge makes you more hireable, which also makes you harder to pin down, because you won’t feel stuck somewhere if you hate it. 

8. Finally, the minute that you might have an OUT to get away from retail and into any field you’re EVEN SLIGHTLY interested in, TAKE IT. GET OUT. If somebody says they want to teach you to be a dog trainer, TAKE IT. If somebody says you’d be good in an office because of how fast you type, TAKE IT. If somebody acknowledges that you’re super good with this piece of technology and that you’d be good working for this company that pays 5 dollars more per hour, TAKE IT. 

OF COURSE this doesn’t mean you should be gullible, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Be skeptical of people who seem shady, people you don’t know, and weird signs you find on the street. Scammers do exist, don’t put yourself in danger because somebody is offering something unrealistic. But if its a friend, a coworker, anyone who can give you a contact, it is ALWAYS worth looking into. I gave up too many opportunities because of my fruitless and unnecessary comfort and loyalty with where I was. I’ve been offered jobs that were clearly fake, too. Look into things, but don’t be brash about it. Look things up online, follow your gut, but don’t give up opportunities for a company that doesn’t care about you. 

I know that looking for work can be scary, and I believe you’ll find something. If you’re not good at interviews, THATS OKAY, there will always be some manager who is so desperate for help theyll hire anyone who walks in. That might be the first job you get, and it might suck, but it’ll give you something to put on your resume. Just keep looking! I believe in you!

Also, I know that this is painting it all with a very negative lense, but don’t be intimidated by it, it gives you a place to start in life, and in this climate, that’s what is important. Retail has helped me a lot with my social skills and anxiety, and has made me a lot of memorable friends, and turned me into the person I am today. 10 years ago I thought I was going to do retail for the rest of my life, but after all of this shit, I have the confidence to pursue greater things. 

My point is, don’t sacrifice your health, your safety, and your comfort for a shit job. ITS JUST RETAIL. Its your fellow coworkers who will make the retail life tolerable, it’ll be people like me who will teach you the ropes, and you should listen to them. The Cynical Coworker Who Has Been Doing This Shit Too Long has always been my best friend. You’ll be able to spot them a mile away. Hold onto them while you can, they always leave before you know it. 

Good luck to everyone who might find this info useful, remember I believe in you, and I think you’re going to do just fine, it’s not as scary as it seems. Life will take you places, and you’ll get where you want to be, even if it takes you longer than your peers. Just keep moving forward, and know that YOU GOT THIS.  

[ladysophiebeckett]

why did you call osha on a theatre once? (if u dont mind telling the story)

@boredzoi

okay so i dont do theater anymore (tho nostalgia says i miss it). this, ‘company’ was looking for a stage manager last minute and an instructor (who is also a chair of this ‘company’ recommended me and got me in touch the director, we’ll call her ‘wendy’. 

wendy said she had an sm ready to go but bc of personal reasons the sm had to drop the job. this particular show was supposed to open in 3 weeks. so i would be coming mid rehearsals. i was told i would be getting paid $300, under the table. rehearsals were 3 days a week and then tech week(end) and i was told that the show was one weekend only. 3 days. fri, sat, sun. 

i really wanted to do theater again and this was considered community theater but the ‘company’ was also like an afterschool  theater educational thing. they offered voice lessons and whatnot. the cast consisted of a lot of either senior’s in high school or first year college students. and community theater actors that were basically doing gigs and this was particular show as a gig to them. (fancy way of saying a couple of these actor were Older). 

my version of community theater was basically educational theater where i was taught, what i believe is, the right way of doing things. i worked with organized people. 

when i got to this theater—if you work in community theater, anything can be theater so long as u got some chairs and like, a z-rack and one maybe one flat–this was place i get to is a death trap. it’s an old warehouse by the train tracks and the place next door teaches boxing so you’d hear a lot of bags being hit. the bathroom was up a flight of stairs to an unfinished second floor. when i say unfinished i mean like–it’s just wood and then debris. the bathroom faces the freeway and it was a toilet (clean tho) and sink was barely a sink. the floor–completely unfinished\gutted. it looked like when you’re renovating an old house and you have to gut it to its bare bones. 

there’s cables everywhere. a hazard. anybody could have tripped at any time. no dressing rooms. one little office for the girls to share. the guys changed anywhere. backstage was also where the props where. so anywhere and everywhere. no designated sitting area. before u hit the flight of stairs to the bathroom, its another unfinished section—fabric everywhere, z-racks with costumes with no actual logical order. everything is a fire hazard. no bathroom for handicapped ppl, unless they could climb that flight of stairs. 

did i mention the only way to get to the bathroom was by going through the ‘backstage’?? so youd have audience members using the restroom during the show or at intermission there’d be a line by the stairs as actors are also at intermission or changing or getting ready for their scene. 

and this is just the one theater–i was not told that if the show did well they were gonna transfer it for one night only to another city at an actual real  theater and that i was going to have to help load the show. i was not told this was going to be some mature bus and truck show. so i had to help load the platforms on to a uhaul on some saturday morning. and my sister drive me the 20 min to another time even tho to get the town A was already 40 min. and unload again once we got to the actual not hazardous theater. 

i was not told i would have to do any of this. i was told 3 weeks and one weekend of shows. and im not even getting into how disorganized the actual rehearsal process was and how wendy is would give me an order and not like how i did it, so i was constantly being undermined despite the fact that i had good stage managing experience and had never had a problem with directors when working under educational theater.

but i did as i was told bc i had already committed to this gig and i couldnt make my prior instructor who recommended me for this, look bad. BUT bc i didnt know about all loading and unloading, ect. once the show was over at this actual theater, we had to load again. which i did. but i did go back with the ‘crew’ to unload bc my sister was my ride and she had other things to do, so i helped load up and then excused myself bc of personal reasons. 

wendy didn’t like that but also didn’t stop me from leaving. wendy went on fb (there was a fb group. thats another story) and took pics of the unloading and said something like ‘thanks to those who stayed’ insinuating that i should have stayed. 

later that week i wrote to wendy and said ‘hey when am i gonna get paid?’ and then she said she would not be paying the promised amount bc i was not ‘seasoned’ enough–that i did not participate in the last unloading, that i was a beginner and that other ppl–my asm who was an idiot and had no prior theater experience and most unhelpful–had to do things to and that the money should be split. she was offering to pay me 215 or whatever. Bc i put myself in this very uncomfortable position of working with someone that was also friends with my instructor, i felt defenseless. My sister tired to write in for me and calculated a different number to negotiate, she sent that in for me and Wendy didn’t like that ect. Listed other ways that I sucked and I didn’t respond, bc of said uncomfortable situation. she messaged days later asking if i received a check,  i did not. she never ever sent me anything. 

bc i was upset and feeling defenseless about the situation and letting down said instructor and wendy probably most likely talking shit to my ex instructor about me, my sister and i called OSHA about the train track warehouse and all its safety violations. I then had my sister personally message the company that held the rights to the musical bc i firmly believe that Wendy did not buy the rights do that particular show based on she promoted it and bc i looked online and wendy’s ‘company’ was not listed under the companies that were producing this show at that particular time. 

edit: i dont know if they faced any consequences. unfortunately.  

yes, this experience is what ended my relationship with community theater and why i stopped looking for gigs. 

[itsjudemydude]

you people are idiots. its a piece of fucking cloth. you morons comply with the government for your own safety and the safety of others literally Every Fucking Day. driver’s licenses. seat belts. speed limits. hopefully those of you in possession of guns and other weapons do so within regulations, following all the necessary safety procedures and laws. if you own or even rent a house, it’s required to follow certain safety regulations. if you have a job, you comply with OSHA regulations and other workplace governance. literally. every. day. and now, when not just the government, but every reputable expert in the world, wants you to put a tiny piece of cloth over your face, suddenly thats where the line is drawn? in what way is making you wear a face covering a violation of your rights? how does that give the government power over you? you motherfuckers are so paranoid and for fucking what.

we may be nearing the end of this thing, what with so many people becoming vaccinated and herd immunity slowly being a viable goal. the only thing stopping that from happening is you inconsiderate, ignorant shitstains screaming about “muh liberties” as if youre any more or less free with or without a fucking mask on. and no one is demanding that you get the vaccine—i get it, its not FDA approved, blah blah blah. but if youre not going to, then wear your fucking masks. its still important, probably now more than ever. a lack of masks is likely the primary reason for the 600k deaths from this thing in the US alone. so get your fucking shit together and do this simple fucking thing, for yourself and the benefit of your fellow citizens and human beings. jesus h christ. you absolute children.